#this was supposed to be a long gushing post | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

not-neverland06 · 11 months ago

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you're not her

The 'Worst' Logan x fem!mutant!reader

a/n: really wanted to write for the worst logan so I found a streaming site so I could finally watch the new Deadpool movie (yay pirating) (this is totally hypothetical and a joke to the feds lurking) I was going to just read the wiki plot but I don’t think that was going to cut it Again, using the same superhero name/powers. It’s not an OC I swear, it just makes sense in comic book movies to have some alternate name and I’m not creative enough to come up with multiple different supe names. Summary: You hate him, you really fucking hate him at first. He’s cruel and constantly reminds you that you’ll never be the hero he knew. You’re not her and he’s made that abundantly clear. But what are you supposed to do when he’s suddenly your new roommate and you have no choice but to wake up to his face every day? I feel sad because I don’t think I did the angst justice with this one. But if I keep staring at it trying to fix it, then I’m never going to post it. (This is a long one guys) Angst with a happy ending (because I’m a little bitch) Makeout scenes and smut towards the very end 18+ MDNI

You don’t know how you got here, but you know you’re mad at whoever dragged you into this shit. You don’t think it would be wild to assume it was Wade’s fault. Usually, when something goes wrong in your life it’s on him.

What you do know; you look like shit. Wade and Wolverine are both standing over you in their awesome ass uniforms and you’re still in your fucking pajamas. How are you supposed to be badass and save the world in pants that have Spiderman’s face plastered all over them?

“I’m gonna fucking kill you, Wade,” you growl at him.

He places his hand daintily on his chest and waves you off, “Save that for the bedroom, pookie.”

You grit your teeth and glare up at him, Wolverine gives him a similarly disgusted look. “Fuckin’ ridiculous,” you grumble under your breath. You get to your feet and brush yourself off, finally looking around and taking in wherever the fuck he’s dragged you. “Where are we?”

“The void,” Wade responds, voice ridiculously dramatic. You look around and throw your hands up in defeat.

“What the fuck, Wade? Why did you drag me with you into this?” You look over at the Wolverine beside him. He hasn’t stopped glaring at you both and his claws are out, clearly ready to just eviscerate you. “Who the fuck is this?”

“Okay, wow, language, Flux. I’m disappointed in you.”

“Eat me-”

You’re cut off by the knock-off Wolverine standing a few feet behind you both. “Flux?” He demands, voice so low you almost can’t hear him. Both you and Wade’s heads whip around to face him. Thus far he’s been relatively silent, you nearly started to wonder if he was mute.

“It’s her X-Man name,” Wade tells him, gushing like it’s some big deal. “Impressive, huh?” You don’t bother correcting him that it was your X-Men name. Can’t exactly call yourself that if they booted you off the team for being a crappy superhero.

Logan snorts and shakes his head. He stalks towards you and you nearly fall over in your attempt to scramble back from him. “You,” he demands, claws pointed at you threateningly. “You’re Flux?”

Wade hisses, watching as Logan swipes out at you. “Alright, peanut, let’s put the claws away and take a deep grounding breath.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Logan snaps at Wade. He turns to glare at him and you take the opportunity to scramble behind your friend for protection. At least if he gets stabbed, he’ll heal. “You,” he scoffs and it trails off into a laugh. There’s no humor behind it, he's just a dick. “You are a fucking joke compared to my Flux.”

The ground underneath you rattles, pebbles bouncing off the cracked desert and ricocheting off their boots. Wade quickly moves away from you, shoving you forward so he’s not in the line of fire. “Yeah, well you’re just an alcoholic fuck who could never hold a candle to my Logan.”

You can feel energy brewing at the tips of your fingers, waves, and waves of hate building up within you. The man across from you feels the shift, the static suddenly permeating the air around you both. You let your power build and build…

The pebbles drop back to the ground and you stumble back from Logan, nose bleeding from overextending yourself. “Shit,” you mutter, wiping at your face with the back of your hand and shaking your head.

Logan laughs again, it echoes through the stormy sky and you wish you had any control over your powers so you could just send him flying. Or, better yet, turn his bones into liquid and flip him inside out. “Oh,” he lets out a long exhale, glaring at both of you. “This is fuckin’ ridiculous.” The faux smile drops from his face and he raises his voice just loud enough to make you jump, “Just one big fuckin’ joke!”

You have about five seconds to dive to the side before Logan is lunging at Wade. “Wait, wait, wait we can talk about this!” Wade shouts, but it’s too late, he’s already on the ground getting his head caved in.

You let out a rough sigh, stumbling off to the side. You’re drained from that shitshow of powers. You barely made a few rocks levitate and you feel like you’re going to pass out. You walk away from the two men and throw yourself on the ground, trying to reorient yourself while they fight like wild animals.

You can hear them in the background, stabbing and shooting like they’re aiming to kill. Too bad neither of them can die. It’d save you a hell of a headache. They run past you, Logan’s got his claws buried in Wade’s gut while Wade’s desperately firing off his gun into Logan’s chest.

Your head rolls weakly to the side and you mutter out a pathetic, “No, stop. Don’t kill each other.” As expected, neither of them listens to you. They keep fighting, showing no signs of stopping.

There’s a moment of silence after about ten minutes of nothing but grunts and insults. You peak your head up in interest. Logan got his claws posed over Wade’s throat. You wonder if decapitation would actually kill him or if he’d somehow manage to survive that.

Wade doesn’t seem interested in testing out the theory, “They can fix it!” Wade shouts, “They can fix your timeline. I just need your help saving mine.”

Your eyes widen and you meet Wade’s masked gaze over Logan’s shoulders. The white slits widen and he minutely shakes his head, telling you not to say anything. Like, maybe, that neither of you has any fucking clue if the TVA is capable of even fixing timelines like that.

You know Wade is desperate when he makes that promise. It’s the only reason he would say something so stupid. It’s a blatant lie, one pulled so far out of Wade’s ass you’re genuinely surprised that Logan can’t smell the bullshit. Whatever happened in his universe must have been horrible for him to ever believe anything that comes out of any Deadpool’s mouth.

It’s a long moment before Logan finally pulls his claws out of Wade. Your friend slumps forward in relief as Logan stalks away from him. You glare at Wade from where you are on the ground, “That was fucking stupid,” you snipe at him. He gets to his feet, walks over to you, and forcefully yanks you to your feet.

“Not a goddamn word,” he warns, but you aren’t exactly threatened by him when he's got three holes in his head from Logan’s claws. Still, you hold your hands up and acquiesce, following after him as he chases down Logan.

Your mind is still fuzzy when you are captured by Cassandra. You're recovering from overextending yourself, eyes blurring and limbs going limp like jello when her army of henchmen circle you all.

You finally feel yourself starting to come back to your body when you wake up tied to Johnny. “And,” Wade draws the word out, waiting until you lift your head to finish, “there she is! Happy you could join us, princess. Mind turning these ropes into dust for me?”

You groan and let your head slump onto Johnny’s shoulder. He smirks and glances down at you. “Oh fuck off, both of you. I can’t do shit right now and you know it, Wade, I’m drained.”

Logan is glaring at you, but there’s less hate in his glare and more confusion now. “Can you do anything?”

You narrow your eyes at him, lips screwed up while you try to decide if he’s being an asshole or genuine. “Hard of hearing or something old man? I’m drained,” you reiterate, your tone a little too bitchy.

Logan narrows his eyes, grunting something foul under his breath. Wade interferes before you can piss each other off anymore. “She had an accident, her brain’s a little broken now. But it’s fine! Whose isn’t?”

You huff and throw yourself back against the cage you’re all being transported in. You feel eyes on the side of your head and slowly look over to see Johnny grinning at you. “Hey, you know I’ve met one of your variants-”

“Don’t give a fuck,” you interrupt. You hear Wade snicker under his mask, giving you an encouraging thumbs up even with his hands bound. You were both a little disappointed it wasn’t Captain America lurking under that cloak. But at least this guy isn’t such a prude he won’t cuss.

For the next five minutes, you’re on the receiving end of a very enthusiastically vulgar rant about just what a cunt Cassandra Nova is. He’s still not even finished by the time you reach the gates to her lair.

Your eyes widen when you see all the people lurking around the walls. Most of them you recognize as people you’ve put away or killed in your world. But there’s something just minutely different about them than the version you faced in your timeline. Their eye color or outfit is always just slightly off.

The familiar faces are almost a relief. But there is nothing comforting about knowing you're outnumbered two hundred to four. The cage is tipped over and you go rolling out, you grunt as Johnny’s elbow digs into your ribs.

Before you can even attempt to shove him off, the ropes are whipped off of you and you’re dragged by an invisible force across the ground. Rocks and sand scrape across your tender skin and bury themselves deep in your pores. You hiss in pain when you finally come to a stop and your body is your own again.

A groan slips through your parted lips unbidden as you struggle onto your knees. Your pajamas are ripped practically everywhere and you feel like you might as well be naked at this point. You really wished that you at least had a chance to change before you were kidnapped to another universe.

The woman you presume to be Cassandra Nova is currently fucking Wade’s skull with her freakish telepathy fingers. Johnny’s a pile of guts and bones on the floor and you have no fucking clue where she flung Logan to.

You get to your feet, shaking your head and reorienting yourself. In a second she’s in front of you, head tilted to the side while she regards you curiously. “Woah,” you jump back, glaring at her outstretched hand.

“Careful,” Wade warns her breathlessly, still clutching his head. “Flux here has a pathological fear of bald people.”

You nod, “It’s true, you can imagine how strained my relationship with your brother was.” Cassandra circles you, a devious tilt to her lips. Your eyes track her, unwilling to take your gaze off her for even a second. You feel like a rabbit, facing down a fox that’s made its way into your burrow.

“Curious,” she mutters. “I’ve seen quite a few of you down here before. But,” she chuckles and before you can move her hand is shoving its way into your brain. You scream, there’s an agonizing burn as her fingers probe under your eyes and dig through the deepest part of your subconscious. It feels like someone’s taking a shovel and ripping up your worst traumas. “None of them have been so weak.”

Wonderful, even she wants to insult you. You can feel the way she’s plucking through your thoughts, tossing aside the ones she doesn’t like. Images of your childhood are flashing across your vision. You can no longer see the world around you, it’s like every one of your worst memories is being played on a projector.

“Ah,” she clicks her tongue and jerks your neck around until you’re looking at something you’ve tried to forget for years. “Here it is. How easy it would be for me to simply unblock those powers of yours.” She smiles, her face appearing before you and blocking out the bloodshed. “It would make this far more entertaining for me, what do you say?”

Your teeth are clenched so tightly you’re surprised they haven’t cracked yet. It’s hard to get the words out when her fingers are still dancing through your skull. “Fuck you,” you finally spit out. She releases you suddenly, and you surge forward with a gasp, clutching at your skull desperately.

You half expect your brains to begin leaking from your nose and eyes. But nothing happens, despite feeling incredibly violated, everything is still in its proper place. Cassandra walks past you like everything is fine and dandy in the world. “Well, as much as I would love to see those powers of yours in action again, Flux, I’m afraid Alioth must eat.”

Before you can ask what she's talking about there’s a loud rumble. Like thunder cracking through the sky and land, the ground underneath you shakes. Cracks form under your feet and the henchmen around you all start desperately racing for cover.

You turn around, staring wide-eyed at the purple cloud of death and destruction steadily moving across the sky. A face breaks through the clouds, grinning down at you. Purple lightning hits the ground and the villain next to you explodes into nothing but dust.

“Shit!” You shout, turning around and running to try and avoid getting zapped up next. There’s no coming back from this one. Once this monster gets you, not even god could save you.

Suddenly, an arm wraps around your waist, lifting you off your feet. “No time for consent, we’ve got to get the fuck outta here!” Wade shouts in your ear. Logan is standing next to some robot leg, ripping out cords until a jet on the back fires up. Wade leaps onto the boot, wrapping an arm around Logan’s legs as you’re all shot into the sky.

You’d scream if you weren’t trying not to throw up. You hurtle through the sky at speeds that have your skin nearly ripping off your skull. The rocket on the back of the leg starts to sputter out. The flames flickering out and then back to life. It steadily begins to drop until you’re plummeting headfirst towards the ground.

Wade wraps himself around you, tossing himself off the boot so he can brace your fall. You hear and feel nearly all of his bones break under your weight. For a moment it feels like you’re laying on warm jello as you try and catch your breath.

“Nailed it,” he mutters weakly. You’re pretty sure he can’t breathe, a rib having pierced his lung in the fall. A shadow looms over you and you glance up to find Logan glaring down at you. You stare at him apprehensively, half expecting him to unsheathe his claws and just end you right here.

Instead, to your surprise, he holds a hand out. You look at it with suspicion, glaring back up at him. “Fucks sake,” he mutters. He reaches down, roughly grabbing your hand and jerking you to your feet. You feel the warmth of Wade’s blood on your back and grimace.

“Thanks,” you mutter, still not entirely trusting of him.

He purses his lips into a thin line, backing awkwardly away from you. He just nods and starts surveying the land around you. It feels less like trying to figure out where you all landed and more like awkwardly avoiding eye contact.

The whole interaction leaves you feeling odd. “Well, that was as awkward as two virgins on prom night,” Wade loudly announces as he jumps to his feet. You whip around and send him a dirty look but his attention has already been snagged by something else. Lately, you’ve been considering grounding up Adderall and slipping it into his breakfast, you think it might do him some good.

What’s got to be the fugliest dog you’ve ever seen in your life bounds towards Wade. He drops to his knees, ripping off his mask and opening his arms wide to the mutt. You grimace, taking a step back when she starts licking his face. “Oh, that’s just wrong.”

Thankfully dogless, you steal Nicepool’s Honda Odyssey - much to Wade’s chagrin. Logan’s in the front seat, Wade beside him. You’re sitting in the back, rubbing your temples and trying to get rid of the raging migraine you’ve had since Cassandra finger blasted your brain.

You’ve been zoning in and out of the conversation happening in the front seat of the car. But Logan suddenly slams on the brakes and you go hurtling forward. Without even looking at you, both their arms shoot out, blocking you from flying through the windshield.

Your face scrunches up as you look at both their arms, it feels like being saved by an overbearing soccer mom. “Buckle up, princess,” Wade tells you. He shoves you back into your seat and you look between the two men suspiciously.

“Did you just say if?” Logan growls, glaring at Wade. Your face drops, finally realizing what you’d missed.

Wade lets out a weak chuckle, “Slip of the tongue?” Logan growls and the claws come out. Wade raises his hands, “Okay, let’s put a brake on the crazy train. I wasn’t lying it was just an educated,” for the first time in your friendship Wade is actually speechless. You’re shocked by the silence. Until, of course, he runs his mouth again and comes up with the lamest cop-out you’ve ever heard. “It was an educated wish that they could fix your timeline, alright?”

Logan doesn’t give much of a warning except a low growl before he shoves his claws deep into Wade’s thigh. “You motherfucker!”

“Hey!” You shout, jumping forward and ripping Logan’s claws out of Wade’s leg. “Look, we’re trying to save our whole fucking universe. Can you blame him for lying?” You regret opening your mouth pretty much immediately.

You should have just stayed out of this, it wasn’t any of your business. And if they wanted to be two dumbasses and fucking tear each other apart then so be it. But you never should have drawn attention to yourself.

“Shut the fuck up,” Logan shouts at you. It’s so startling, coming from him. You’re still associating him with the man you’d looked up to growing up. Your Wolverine was a hero. He was the reason you wanted to be an X-Man. And they look exactly the same, it’s nearly impossible for you to separate this one from the one you knew.

But it's easier now. Because the man you’d known would never be so cruel and jaded to the world. Not like this. “Why the fuck are you even here? You’re just some watered-down knockoff of a real hero. You are nothing, you’re worth nothing. It’s a fucking joke that you’re alive and the woman I knew is buried six feet deep. If there was anything right in the world you would be in a grave somewhere crawling with maggots.”

Your eyes water without your permission. You don’t know this man. Yet, he has the face of your greatest hero and the man who you’d grown up hearing stories about. It’s like facing everything you’ve ever wanted to be and having it shout your deepest fears and insecurities back at you. He’s just confirming something you’ve known for years. You never deserved the title of being an X-Man. You never deserved the uniform or anything that came with it.

Your breaths are coming short and fast, it feels like your lungs are constricting. You worry you won’t be able to get air in but he doesn’t care. No, he keeps going. “You follow this fucking clown around and you contribute nothing to the world. You’re never gonna save your fucking timeline. You can’t even make a few rocks float.” It’s not the words that hurt you next. It’s the way he says it. “You’re pathetic.”

He spits them at you. There’s venom lacing his tone like he’s seen into you and knows there’s nothing in you to offer. For the first time in a long time, you feel seen and you hate it. Because he’s looking past the sarcasm and the faux confidence you carry yourself with.

He sees the empty husk of a woman you truly are and he’s forcing you to face it with him. It causes you physical pain, to know that everything you’ve ever feared about yourself is true. You don’t have anything to say to him, you can’t.

Your lips tremble and you feel so fucking small. You can hear your parent's voices in your head, screaming at you and wishing you were never born. They’d rather have a stillborn than a fucked up mutant for a daughter. You see the way even other kids at the school would hide from you. You were made wrong, even as a mutant you were never truly accepted.

Logan’s face drops ever so slightly at the prolonged silence in the car. Even Wade isn’t speaking, he’s just staring at you both. “I,” he starts, but Wade cuts him off.

“I’m gonna hurt you now.” Wade’s never been one to let people run over you, even when you might just let yourself fall into the background. You shouldn’t be surprised when he draws a knife and stabs it into Logan’s throat.

But the arterial spray that follows catches you off guard and suddenly your tears are dried. Instead, you’re throwing open the car door and diving out before one of them crushes you. You make it out of the car just in time, Logan having thrown Wade right where you had been sitting.

Music starts up in the car as a result of their fighting. Divorced dad rock and the sounds of their, borderline, sexual grunting are your soundtrack for the rest of the night. You curl up at the base of a tree, waiting for them to be done with each other.

Logan’s words continue to echo through your head. And the longer you linger on what he said the angrier you get. Not necessarily at him, but at yourself. You’ve let yourself linger in self-pity and wallow in regret for so long.

You look in the mirror and you no longer recognize yourself. He’s right, as much as you hate to admit it, you’re a fucking joke. You toss your head back, slamming it against the trunk of the tree hard enough for it to hurt.

There’s this manic, cloying feeling tugging at your chest. It’s like someone’s sitting on your ribs, crushing you until you can’t breathe anymore. You keep throwing your head back, letting the pain distract you until you feel warm blood leaking down the back of your scalp.

“Shit,” you hiss, hand coming up to cradle the back of your skull. You wince when you feel the split in your skin. The blood leaks over the tips of your fingers, running through the cracks of your palm.

You force yourself to relax, to move your head away from the tree. As you go to stand up, possibly to get Wade and Logan to quit their fighting, you notice something odd. The air around you is still, you can no longer hear them grunting or groaning as they rock the Honda.

Leaves are suspended in the air. They’re not trembling from the breeze, they’re completely frozen. You take a step forward and gasp when you hit something solid. The air in front of you has solidified somehow.

The realization dawns on you slowly but surely. This is you, you’ve done this. Manipulated everything around you on an atomic level. You’ve turned something you shouldn’t be able to feel into something you can touch. Frozen the world around you. Whatever Cassandra had done inside your head, it had knocked something loose.

You haven’t had this wide a range of control for years. Any attempt to do something like this has been met with nosebleeds and long periods of blacking out. Elation fills you, the hurt from earlier is nearly gone.

You glance through the wall of air and try to see if you can still see the Odyssey. To your horror, it’s gone. You wave your hands and the air returns to normal. The leaves drift back to the forest floor and you run back to where you’d left the two men.

There are tire tracks dug deep into the mud. You know Wade wouldn’t willingly leave you behind, not here. You don’t know if Logan’s just kidnapped him or if someone else has. Whoever was driving was clearly in a rush to get out of here.

You must have missed it all while you were having your meltdown. “Fuck,” you shout, your voice echoing into the branches above. You take in a deep breath and start walking. Hopefully, you can catch up to them before whoever has them does serious damage.

You make it to a weird cave/hideout area. The Odyssey is parked outside and when you peek through the broken windows you find the interior completely destroyed. There’s blood soaking through every surface, anything and everything has been smashed and bent the wrong way.

You don’t even know if this is from Wade and Logan or whoever had snatched them. Shaking your head you back up and slink towards the entrance of the den. You can hear shouting inside, it sounds like Wade, but you can’t make out what he’s saying.

You haven’t seen action for a long time. At least not any that you could actually contribute to. It feels a bit like riding a bike. You’d practiced on your way here, making things around you float or eradicating a few trees into nothing but dust in the wind. But this is different.

Your friend (and Logan) are inside, possibly being tortured. Maybe even dead. Though, you seriously doubt the universe is going to be that nice to you. You let the energy build in your arms, it’s like a warm tingling feeling. It shoots down to the palms of your hands until you feel static in the air.

You take a step inside and spot three people. Each of them is decked out in weapons. One of them turns and spots you. “Who is-”

You don’t let him finish, throwing your hands out and slamming them all into the wall so hard the whole interior shakes. Dirt rains down from the ceilings while their faces contort in pain. You run inside, spotting Logan and Wade.

You shoot Wade a big grin but he throws his hands up and shouts, “Read the fucking room!” Your brows furrow and he points emphatically at the people you’re holding, “Good guys!”

“Oh shit,” you release them immediately, a guilty look on your face. “I am so sorry.” Logan cackles in the back, doubled over laughing while the three people in front of you brush themselves off.

You don’t want to be out here with him, but it’s better than being in that cave with the others. Laura walks past you, sending you an uneasy smile. You’d noticed her sitting beside Logan and decided they probably needed a few moments to themselves.

They were finished now, though, and he had the only bottle of liquor left in the cave with him. You trudge over to him, leaves crunching under your boots. Elektra, after that horrific introduction, had given you a uniform a different Flux had left behind.

She was long gone, killed by Cassandra years ago, but she’d conveniently been your exact size. The uniform is nearly identical to the one you have buried under your bed. Black leather with a dark purple X going across your chest and matching purple seams. You’d never wanted something ridiculously flashy. Just something that people would see and associate with the X-Men.

Because that’s all you’d ever wanted to be; a hero. It feels like a pipe dream now. If your pajamas weren’t so destroyed you would have just stayed in them. You don’t feel like you deserve this uniform, not when the woman who’d worn it before you had actually been a hero in her timeline.

“Don’t want company,” Logan snarks, without even looking back to see who’s coming up to him.

You take a seat on the lawn chair closest to him and snatch the bottle of whiskey from his hands. “Good,” you tilt your head back, downing as much as possible. It burns the whole way and you revel in the slight tickle in the back of your throat.

“Alright,” Logan mutters. He gently takes the bottle back from you, giving you an aggrieved look when he sees just how much you’ve stolen. He looks back into the fire and sighs, “Look, I’m not interested in hearing about your sob story or why you’re suddenly drinking all my liquor-”

“Gambit’s liquor,” you interrupt, not bothering to look at him. “And I’m not looking to dump my sob story on your lap. I just want to sit in silence and that’s impossible because Wade hasn’t stopped running his mouth since we got here.”

He looks a little surprised by the brusque way you dismiss him, “Alright,” he mutters. He takes another swig from the bottle and you both stare silently into the fire. It’s like that for a while, you don’t bother keeping track of time.

All you hear is the crackling of the flames. All you can feel is the way your eyes burn from staring into the fire and watching sparks pop off the logs for too long. The breeze rustles the trees, makes the leaves shake free and dance around the logs of the fire.

He breaks the silence first, to your chagrin. “About what I said,” he clears his throat uncomfortably, still refusing to look at you, “back in the car.”

“Don’t,” you snap, voice low. “Just,” you let out a long breath and shake your head. You finally look over and meet his eyes. He does actually look sorry, but you don’t want to hear it. “Just don’t, I deserved it all right.”

“No, no you didn’t.” You open your mouth to argue but he gives you a firm look that has your jaw snapping shut. “I was wrong, I don’t know you. And if my Flux had ever heard me talking to you like that she would have melted my fucking spine.” He laughs a little and you feel your lips twitch up slightly. It’s the first time you’ve seen him look anything but angry.

Curiosity loosens your tongue and knocks you out of the dazed stupor you’ve been in. “What was she like?” You ask, tone earnest. “Your Flux, I mean, you make her sound so amazing. I just can’t,” you trail off, but the look on his face tells you he understands your unspoken words. I just can’t see myself as a real hero.

He groans and leans back on the log he’s resting on. He stretches his legs out in front of him, the liquor bottle placed on the forest floor. You’re surprised, you figured the thing was glued to his hand.

“Well,” he reaches up and scratches at the scruff of his chin, a wry grin on his face. “She was always giving me shit, never let me get away with anything.” You unconsciously lean forward, drawn into the endearing way he begins to describe this other version of you.

It’s not ridiculous to assume this variant meant something to him. He’s got a shine to his eye that you haven’t seen in the whole time you’ve been together. His gaze has been empty, closed off to anything and everything. But now, his eyes are crinkling at the corners, there’s an easy smile on his face that you can’t miss.

“Ah, she was fucking feisty. And strong, she was so strong. She was always a better hero than I was. She lived for that shit,” he trails off and shakes his head. You can see you’re losing him and you don’t want this to end. You’re in your own little bubble right now, getting to pretend there’s a version of you out there somewhere that actually lived up to her potential.

“Her powers,” you blurt out, desperate for something to stop him from retreating back into his mind. “Did she have, um, good control over them?”

Logan nods, eyes darting down to the bottle of whiskey before flickering back up to meet your gaze again. “Yeah, Charles trained her, she was right up there with Jean. She could have,” he stops and suddenly you feel guilty for making him talk about this. You can see the tears in the corner of his eyes, the way the whites of them go red. “She could have been great.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, “I didn’t mean to pry.” But you did. You were being selfish and forcing him to talk about it even though you knew it would hurt him.

“Look, kid, she would have liked you. I’ll tell you that much,” he says reluctantly. Like the words hurt to force out. You suppose he isn’t used to being genuine with anyone.

You shake your head and look down at your hands. “I appreciate the thought, but I doubt it.”

Logan grabs the bottle again, gulping it down like it's water. His words have a slight slur to them as he speaks again. “I think I would know, bub. ‘Sides, you made it into the X-Men, tells me what I need to know.”

You scoff and fix him with a sardonic look, he raises his brows in question and you roll your eyes. “They’ll take fucking anybody. And I still wasn’t good enough for them.”

Logan shakes his head and frowns. “If what I saw in there,” he points back to the den and you feel your cheeks warm as you remember what you’d done, “is any indication, then I’m sure you were plenty good.”

You lean towards him, elbows braced on your knees. He follows suit, leaning so close you almost want to back up. The proximity flusters you slightly but you shake the feeling off. “You don’t even know me and the first real thing you said to me was that I’d be more useful as fertilizer.”

He sighs, face screwing up at your harsh words. He runs a hand over his cheeks and groans, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

You lean back in your chair and idly twirl your hand through the air. The leaves around you lift up and flutter through the air above your head. Logan watches and you turn back to him, waiting until his eyes meet yours to speak again. “Yes, you did. And you were right. I’m fucking useless, powers or not.” The leaves drop, a few fluttering into the fire. “We’re irrelevant, Wolverine, two washed-up X-Men who never looked good in the uniform.”

There’s a twinge of hurt on his face but you can’t make yourself feel bad about it. Since he’s such a fan of brutal truth, you’re sure he can handle it.

You watch as the leaves curl up at the corners, the fire burning them straight through the middle. You get to your feet and move past him. You’re nearly back to the den when he calls, “The suit looks right on you,” over his shoulder.

You pause at the threshold of the door. He’s already drinking again, staring into the fire and watching it burn. You take a few steps towards him, staring at his broad back. “What happened to her, your me?”

Logan looks down at his hands, his ring finger specifically. You wonder at the significance of the movement, what exactly you’d meant to him. “She married me,” he mutters, voice cold and closed off again.

“Goodnight, Logan,” you whisper, finally walking inside the den.

You miss the small goodnight he sends back to you, finally turning around only to watch you leave.

There had been a very clear plan set in place. Get Juggernaut’s helmet, put it on Cassandra, and then kill that psychotic bitch. Which is why you’re so confused when you’re standing knee-deep in guts and watching Logan and Wade leap through a portal above you.

You don’t have time to feel angry or even hurt that they left without you. Laura is grabbing your arm and you’re both running for your life, trying to escape Alioth again. You run into Cassandra’s lair ducking into one of the rooms and dragging Laura with you.

You’re both holding your breaths and praying that he’s sated by the others still outside. After a few minutes, the cracks of thunder stop and you risk peeking your head outside. The clouds have retreated back to their usual spot in the middle of the void.

You take in the carnage of Cassandra’s evil lair. Most everybody is dead. You only have to skirt around a few people to get back to the Odyssey.

You throw yourself in the driver’s seat and sink back against the bloodstained cushions. You let out a relieved breath and look at Laura, “What do you do to entertain yourself around here?”

You acclimated to the idea of being stuck in the void pretty quickly. There wasn’t exactly a lot waiting for you back home. Besides, Laura was nice enough. You had food, beer, and company. You didn’t really need much else.

You’re pretty sure if you linger too long on the thought that Wade left you behind you’ll fall into a depression that you’re never going to be able to claw your way out of. So, you forced a smile on your face and played cards. Nothing else to do but wait to die of old age or for Alioth to kill you.

Of course, your plans had to be ruined. There was an odd rush of air against your back and then a slight whoosh. Laura glanced over your shoulders and her brows furrowed, you turned around to find three armored men waiting behind you.

“Flux,” the man glanced from you to Laura, “X-23?”

“Laura,” you both correct at the same time.

The man gives an aggrieved sigh and holds his arm out, “Come with me, please.”

You stand up, energy tingling in the palms of your hands while you regard them suspiciously. Laura comes up behind you, claws out and glaring at them. “Why should we?” You demand.

Barely a second later you hear the most insufferable voice in the world. “Hiya, peanut!”

“Wade,” you hiss. You follow the armored men through an oddly shaped portal and find Wade standing beside a shirtless Logan, smiling proudly at you. “You fucking left me,” you hold up your hands and his eyes widen.

His hands quickly come up, trying to assuage you, “Hold on now-”

You throw him back, his body hurtling into a nearby building and caving in the wall. Logan watches it happen with a small smile, “Been wanting to do that for a while.”

Once Wade had recovered he filled you in on everything that happened. TVA did a general clean up and then you were standing in front of your apartment door, keys in hand like nothing had happened.

It was so bizarre, going from a mission to save your timeline and then you’re expected to just go about your life. You stay standing in that hallway for you don’t know how long before you hear someone behind you.

You jump and drop your keys when Logan clears his throat. “Shit,” you hiss, whirling around and glaring at him while your heart races. He chuckles and bends over to grab your keys for you.

“Sorry,” he mutters. This is the most relaxed you’ve ever seen him, covered in blood and in a borrowed shirt. “Uh, Wade doesn’t have enough room at his place. Told me I should come over here.”

You look over his shoulder and see Wade peeking his head out of his doorway. He catches your eye, sending you a thumbs up. You almost smile but then he makes a phallic gesture with his hands, pointing at Logan and humping the air. You glare at him and he quickly backs into his apartment, but not before sending you one last encouraging shit-eating grin.

You look back at Logan and he’s waiting expectantly for your answer. “Yeah,” you take your keys from him and unlock the door. “I’ve got a spare room but there’s no bed in it right now.” Your eyes widen when you see the mess that is your apartment.

You quickly rush through, picking up empty take-out boxes and dirty laundry and shoving them into your room. He’s smiling at you when you come back and it's slightly off-putting. “Um,” you gesture towards the couch awkwardly. “You can take the sofa tonight and we’ll look at setting you up with something more permanent tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” he hovers by the armrest and you engage in the longest stare-off of your life. Neither of you says anything for a few suffocating moments before he gestures at himself. “Shower?”

“Oh,” you snap out of your stupor and nod your head. “Yeah, right, of course.” You show him down the hall, “Here. I’ll go get you a towel.”

You rush towards your linen closet, leaving him behind in your bathroom. You grab a few clean towels and then figure he might want some clothes as well. You grab some pajamas that Wade’s left over when he’s crashed before. They’ll probably be a bit tighter on Logan, but you wouldn’t mind seeing that.

You walk back to the bathroom and the thought of knocking doesn’t even run through your head. It should, honestly, but you’re already so thrown off by him even being here. You walk in and immediately gasp and drop the towels.

“Oh, I'm sorry. I’m so sorry.” He’s standing naked before you. Clothes discarded on the floor behind him. Everything on perfect display. Your eyes land on his abs, noticing a few prominent veins leading down-

You cover your face and turn around. “Sorry,” you mutter again. God, you’re such an idiot. You still haven’t even left. You’d just been shamelessly ogling the man naked and you don’t even have the decency to walk out.

You really can’t help it though. It’s been such a clusterfuck, the last 72 hours. Your brain is fried and Wade’s little show hasn’t helped you at all.

You hear Logan laugh behind you. “It’s alright,” he mutters. Something warm ghosts across your arm and you jump slightly. His hand firmly grasps your bicep, gently tugging your palms away from your face.

You risk a glance over your shoulder and nearly gasp at how close he’s gotten. He's towering over you, something in his face you can’t place. “It’s alright,” he whispers again and you find yourself nodding without really thinking.

He’s got both hands on your arms now, trailing up and down. The touch is so featherlight you can barely feel it at all. You don’t even realize how he’s gently coaxing you closer until you trip on the towels at your feet.

You startle, looking down at them and moving to kick them aside. But he stops you, his finger nudging your chip up so you’ll look at him again. There is such blatant want painted across his face that it makes your heart skip a beat. Your breath catches in your throat when he wraps an arm around your waist and drags you closer.

You can feel all of him. You can feel just how much he wants you. It catches you off guard, this sudden display of attraction. You don’t know where it’s coming from, what’s brought it on. But you can’t find it in yourself to care. You’ve been so lonely for so long. You just want to bask in the fact that he looks absolutely starved for you.

No man has ever looked at you with such heartbreakingly yearning eyes - like he’s been looking for you his whole life. He dips down, lips ghosting gently over yours. Your breaths mingle together, you can nearly taste him.

It’s unclear which one of you moves first, who pushes closer to the other. But it doesn’t matter because the second you put real pressure behind the kiss he’s all over you. One of his hands drifts down to your ass, squeezing the flesh there and dragging you closer, grinding his hips into yours.

You moan at the feeling, your arms wrap around his neck and you press yourself even closer. He groans against your lips at the first swipe of your tongue. You part with a gasp when he picks you up, practically tossing you onto your sink. Your legs spread instinctually, making room for him as he slots himself between them.

It’s odd, feeling so vulnerable even when he’s the one who's completely naked. It still feels like he’s holding all the power.

His lips are moving frantically over yours like he’s terrified you’re going to disappear the second he lets go. You can taste something desperate on his tongue. Something deeply rooted inside him that you can’t identify.

One of your hands drifts from his neck, trailing over the muscles of his chest. Your fingers carve a path down his abs, relishing in how muscular he feels under your palm. Your hand reaches his pelvis, nearly wrapped around him when he jumps back.

He grabs your wrist in a grip so tight you know there’s going to be a bruise. A pained gasp slips out and he releases you immediately. “I’m sorry,” he mutters. “Sorry, I can’t.” He won’t look at you now, backing up towards the shower and shaking his head. “This was a bad idea, I can’t do this.”

You shake your head, slipping off the sink and hiding your bruised wrist behind your back. “No, sorry, I shouldn’t have moved so fast.”

You feel too ashamed to meet his eye. He kissed you but you feel like you’ve forced yourself on him somehow. It’s a nauseating feeling and you want nothing more than to run back to your room and hide.

He takes a step towards you, something pained on his face. “Kid-”

You just shake your head, step out of the bathroom, and grab the handle of the door. “Sorry,” you whisper again, closing the door behind you. You lean against the cool wood, trying to catch your breath.

Your hand drifts up to your lips, still tingling from how desperately he’d kissed you. It doesn’t make any sense. He came on to you, he threw you up on the sink, and made out with you more passionately than any man ever has before. So why are you the one who feels dirty?

You rush down the hall and into your room, slamming the door behind you. You dive under your covers, closing your eyes even though you know you won’t sleep. No, your shoulders are tensed up to your ears and your bones are vibrating with an energy you need to release.

You’re completely tuned into the other person lurking in your apartment. You can hear as he starts the shower, how he talks quietly to himself sometimes. Then when he gets out you can perfectly picture what he looks like while he’s getting dressed and it only makes you feel worse.

You listen as he leaves the bathroom and pauses in the hall. You can see it in your mind’s eye, how he stares at your door. He walks towards it and lingers for a minute before cussing quietly and heading back into the living room.

You suddenly remember that you didn’t lay sheets out on the couch for him. You feel guilty, but there’s not one part of you that will be dragged from this bed and face him. Not now, at least.

He’s up for a little while longer, getting water. Turning the TV on and off. Rooting through your cabinets looking for booze you know you don’t have. Finally, he settles on the couch. You’re awake for another hour, unable to relax until you’re completely sure he’s asleep. Even as you drift off and your body finally relaxes your mind doesn’t. You keep seeing that stricken look on his face and it makes you sick to your stomach.

It’s the smell of pancakes that wakes you up. You’re not sure when you finally managed to pass out last night but you know it was late. Which is why you’re so pissed off that you’re being forced to get up at seven in the morning.

You’re used to being able to sleep in a lot later than that. You’re already in a pissy mood from last night and it only gets worse as you trudge around your room getting ready. You’ve never been more thankful to have snagged one of the rare two-bathroom apartments in the building.

You don’t want to have to share a bathroom with Logan. You don’t even want to use the other one after what happened last night. It’s too embarrassing and painful to think about. The emotional whiplash of feeling so desired and then absolutely hideous is making your head spin.

You’re sure it was all just a problem on his end, but it really doesn’t make you feel any better. When you can’t stall any longer, and you know that Logan has heard you get up, you slip quietly out of your room.

The curtains in your living room are open and he’s in the kitchen fucking around with your stove. The news is playing quietly on the TV and you’re astounded about how little he’s done and how much more homely your apartment feels.

It’s never really been home to you. Not after you were booted from the X-Men. But he’s somehow made it ten times cozier than it ever has been. You almost resent him a little for it.

“Morning,” he grumbles from the kitchen. “Coffee,” he motions behind him and you see a steaming cup already waiting for you. You silently slip behind him, grabbing the creamer from the fridge and pouring it until you’re sure it’s sweet enough to not actually taste the coffee.

“Thanks,” you mutter, moving to sit at the table. You keep your eyes trained on the TV, pretending to pay attention to the news so you don’t have to look at him. He bores his eyes into the side of your head until you feel like you’re going to have holes in your temple.

When you can’t take it anymore you finally look over at him. He doesn’t smile, his face barely even twitches, he just looks back to his pan and continues scrambling some eggs. “Didn’t know you cooked,” you offer up weakly, already growing anxious from the silence.

It feels wrong, to be walking on eggshells in your own apartment. He grunts and shrugs, “Not really cooking. You had the mix in your pantry,” he tells you brusquely. His tone borders on rude and you scoff.

The audacity of this man to have an attitude with you in your apartment. He was the one who threw a hissy fit last night. You roll your eyes and go back to the news, all it tells you is that the world is just as depressing as the inside of your apartment is right now.

You notice out of the corner of your eye the way his shoulders slump forward. He leans against the oven, seeming not to care if he burns himself. You suppose it doesn’t matter, he’d just heal. “Sorry,” he mutters. It sounds like it pains him to say the words.

“Whatever,” you mumble under your breath. You take a long sip of your coffee, slurping a little so you have something to fill the atmosphere.

He puts some food on a plate and brings it over to the table for you. You usually don’t eat breakfast, preferring to just skip the meal and eat a bigger lunch. But it feels too bitchy to say that to him, so you just accept the food with a strained smile. “Thanks.”

He sits across from you, glaring down at your table like it insulted him. You drag your fork against the plate, letting the scrape of metal against porcelain drown out your worries. Finally, he looks at you. “Look, about last night.”

You tense up. You want to interrupt him, to stop him from explaining. You know it’s just going to hurt your feelings, whatever he says. Whether he tells you it was a mistake or he just realized he’s not attracted to you, either way, you’re fucked. But, it’s also kept you up all night so you just shut your mouth and let him speak.

You keep your gaze trained on your plate, unable to fully face him. He lets out a long sigh and clenches his fork so tight you hear the metal bend. He drops it to the table and clenches and unclenches his fists a few times.

“I just couldn’t kiss you, not when I wasn’t doing it for the right reasons.”

Your brows furrow in confusion and you finally look up at him. “What?” You demand, disbelief coloring your voice.

His eyes are boring into yours, an intensity behind the stare that leaves you feeling a little shaken. “You look like her,” he whispers, and the grief is so thick in his voice it makes your throat tighten. He pauses briefly before continuing. “There are,” he clears his throat like he’s trying not to cry. It makes you lean back in your chair, arms crossed over your stomach uncomfortably.

“There are a few differences, obviously. You’re not a carbon copy. But your mannerisms, your attitudes, you’re so similar. And I,” he shakes his head and gives you one of the most genuinely apologetic looks you’ve ever received. You can tell he really does feel guilty for projecting on you but it doesn’t make you feel any less uncomfortable. “And I just wasn’t doing that for the right reasons. I was pretending you were her and that’s just not fair to you.”

You lean your elbows on the table, head falling into your hands. You let out a rough sigh and groan in irritation. You knew the reason would hurt but you didn’t think it would be this bad. You feel gross, icky under your skin knowing that he was pretending you were another version of yourself. The version of yourself you’ve always wanted to be; the hero.

But you also feel such a deep sadness and sympathy for him. He’d briefly mentioned that he was married to this other you. You can’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like, to see your dead wife’s face staring at you and she doesn’t even know you.

“I,” you don’t even know where to begin. You struggle to say anything for a minute and you both just stew in the tense silence. You take in a deep breath and look up at him. You do what you always do, forcing a smile and shrugging it off. “I appreciate the honesty, really.” You stand up, bringing your still-full plate into the kitchen and busying yourself with cleaning up.

“Clearly,” you snap, your voice crueler than it should be, “It was a mistake. We’ll just have to make sure it doesn’t happen again, right?”

Logan sits silently at the table. He looks like there’s more he wants to say but you don’t give him the chance. You can’t take it. You finally thought someone had wanted you for you, flaws and all. You’re a fucking idiot, he barely even knows you. Whatever connection you thought was there was just brought about by your own loneliness.

“I gotta get ready for work,” you tell his back because he isn’t looking at you now.

He nods, scraping his fork across the plate as he aggressively cuts into his food. “Right.” You wait for him to say anything else but he doesn’t.

You walk past him and head back to your room. You don’t even have a job, you don’t have to work. But you still grab your purse and head out of the apartment. Pretending you do just so you don’t have to look at him anymore.

You really should have let him finish, though. You should have let him keep talking to you. Let him explain how as much as he sees her in you, that’s not why he wants you. He wants you for you. Because as similar as you can be, you’re still a completely different person from who his late wife was. You’re someone strong and incredible and he genuinely wants you. But he can never really let himself be happy.

It takes a few days for you both to ease up around the other. The incident in the bathroom is never brought up again. You take him shopping for clothes after a few days. It feels wrong to keep giving him Wade’s hand-me-downs. You would have had your friend take him, but you don’t trust Wade’s sense of fashion at all.

After that and getting lunch together while you were out shopping things got a little easier. You bought him a bed for the spare room because you felt guilty seeing him all cramped up on your tiny couch.

You don’t initiate any physical contact with each other. The closest you’d gotten was your hands brushing when you both reached for some popcorn at the same time on movie night. But you hadn’t really minded that bad.

Eventually, he starts to feel like a real roommate and a friend. He lets little pieces of himself slip out. Slowly opens up about his past. You haven’t made any existential discoveries of course. But he tells you stories of what his X-Men were like.

You try not to dance around the topic of his wife, you don’t want him to think you’re avoiding asking about her. But you also don’t want him to think you’re obsessed with discussing her.

He’s right, you two weren’t carbon copies of each other at all. You might share a few things in common but the more both you and Logan learn about each other, the more clear it is how different you both are from your variants.

Sometimes you think he looks at you like he’s really seeing you, not her. But you can never be sure and you don’t want to put much strength behind the thought in case you’re wrong. You hate the idea that when you’re thinking of nothing but him, he’s just seeing her reflection on your face.

There’s nothing you can do about it but it doesn’t stop the hurt.

Tonight, at Wade’s suggestion, you’re both up on the roof waiting for a meteor shower that you’re ninety percent sure is never going to happen. You’re also one hundred percent sure that Wade just tricked you out of your apartment so he could have sex in it. He and Vanessa don’t really get a lot of time alone with Blind Al around. You’re already mentally preparing for the absolute fuck storm you’re going to have to clean up after.

There’s a light nudge on your shoulder and you glance over at Logan. He’s got the whiskey bottle outstretched towards you and you take it from him with a smile. One thing about being his roommate, your alcohol tolerance has skyrocketed. His liver might regenerate, but you’re pretty sure if you keep going down this route yours will give out in a few months.

“Think this is actually going to happen?” You ask, pointing up toward the clear night sky.

Logan chuckles and shakes his head. He stretches out in your flimsy lawn chair and you try not to let your gaze be drawn to the sliver of skin peeking out from his shirt. “Probably not, but I don’t mind being out here.”

There’s an unspoken, with you, that makes you smile. You meet his gaze, his eyes soft as he watches you. “Me either.” You lean back in your chair, pulling your legs up onto the seat and huddling under your blanket. “It’s peaceful.”

You drink together in silence for a little while longer. Then you have to tap out, you don’t want your brain getting too foggy. Tonight is nice, you want to remember it tomorrow. To your surprise, he caps the bottle and places it to the side. You don’t mention it but you do feel like you’ve noticed he’s been drinking a little less. The dark circles under his eyes seem to be easing away ever so slightly.

He looks over at you with an odd light in his eyes. You shift uncomfortably under his stare when it lasts a little longer than it usually does. You chuckle awkwardly, “Do I have something on my face?”

There’s a soft uptick to his lips as he shakes his head. “No,” he mutters, looking back out at the night. “You mind if I ask you something?”

Ominous, but whatever. “Sure.”

He still doesn’t look at you and you worry slightly about whatever it is he’s going to ask. He doesn’t ease you into it all, “Wade said your brain was broken?” A laugh springs out of your throat from how brusque that was. He rolls his eyes. “Fuckin’ idiot mentioned it in the void, been wonderin’ about it.”

“It’s fine,” you tell him. You’re relaxed enough that you don’t mind answering. You don’t want to pop the soft bubble you’ve managed to create around each other. “Here,” you hold your hand out for the whiskey bottle. He gives you an apprehensive look before handing it over.

You unscrew the cap, “This,” you say and point your hand at the glass. The liquid inside lifts into the air and you freeze it before dropping it back into the bottle with a splash, a simple little party trick. “This used to be enough to put me in a coma for two days. That’s what he meant. Something happened to me and I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

Logan’s eyes widen and he shakes his head in disbelief. You laugh a little, “I assume your wife never had problems like that?”

There’s always a fond smile when you mention his wife. Whether the memory is bittersweet or not. “She wasn’t perfect, much as I thought so. When she used her powers too much she,” he trails off and looks down at the floor. You frown, ducking your head down so you can catch his gaze.

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” you promise quietly.

But he shakes his head and gives you a weak, tight-lipped smile. “No, I want to. And I don’t want you to think you’re the only Flux who struggled. When she used her powers too much she would deteriorate. Parts of her would just disappear, I don’t even know how to describe it. They were destroying her from the inside out.”

You let out a low whistle, eyes widening slightly. “Well, maybe I didn't get the short end of the stick after all.” It’s quiet and for a moment you worry your humor was ill-timed.

But he lets out a rough laugh, “No, I guess not.” He takes in a deep breath before looking back up at you. There’s no distant sadness in his eyes like there usually is when you bring her up. It seems to only be a familiar ache now, rather than something fresh and bleeding. “But what happened to you? Why couldn’t you use your powers?”

“Oh,” you look down at your lap, picking at the strings of your pants. It would be unfair to have him talk about his wife and then wimp out when it was your turn.

“Um, There was this mission. A bunch of kids, mutants, were being held in this warehouse. It was actually pretty normal, just go in, retrieve them, and bring them back to safety. I must have done a dozen of these before, but, I don’t know. Something was this different this time around.”

You can still hear them screaming. In your mind, you hear the way they cried for help. And you see the look on your faces when they realize you can’t save them every time you go to sleep.

You suck in a sharp breath and almost jump when his hand lands on yours. It’s gentle, he’s barely even touching you and he’s not even acknowledging what he’s doing. But you take his hand in yours and squeeze, it’s nice, grounding.

“Long story short, they were heavily guarded and I was pretty drained from fighting off the guards. My powers were practically gone by the time we could even get to the kids. And, I don’t know, something must have gotten knocked over or hit the wrong way because smoke was filling the place and everything was on fire. I couldn’t see anything, couldn’t breathe, and the kids were blocked off. There was nothing we could do to get to them. Everyone kept screaming at me, telling me to just use my abilities and get them out of there. I couldn’t,” your voice gets thick and you look anywhere but at him. “I,” your mouth hangs open and you don’t know what you could possibly say.

There’s no excuse for what happened. “I just couldn’t,” you whisper. You sniffle and your eyes flutter rapidly, trying to stop any tears from coming. “Hadn’t been able to use my powers since then. Trauma block or something, I guess,” you dismiss yourself flippantly and shrug.

Logan just squeezes your hand again. He doesn’t seem to know what to say to comfort you and you’re honestly grateful for the silence. You get so sick of people telling you there was nothing you could have done. Or that the others should have helped you. Because that’s not a fucking excuse. There’s no fixing what happened, no giving those parents their children back. You fucked up and you don’t appreciate people giving you cop-outs.

You keep your gaze trained steadily on the ground, eyes going blurry while you try to slip into the back of your mind. You don’t get the chance, though. Logan is kneeling in front of you, hands slipping up your arms to cup your face.

He forces you to look at him, to stay present in the moment with him. “You fucked up,” he tells you. It's so shocking that you can’t help but let out a loud wet laugh. You sniffle and he grins, wiping the tears out from under your eyes. His grip on your cheeks tightens and he makes sure you’re listening as he speaks, “You fucked up, kid. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t try your fucking hardest. And it doesn’t erase all the people you did help.”

Your eyes search him, trying to find any kernel of untruth. Trying to prove to yourself that this isn’t real. That he isn’t real. You don’t deserve this moment of such unwavering trust and faith. This is meant for someone else, for someone who deserves good things in life.

You’ve never truly believed you deserved happiness or peace like this. But right now you don’t care because he is saying everything you’ve ever wanted to hear. And he actually means it.

Your hand drifts up, covering his and tilting your head to press a gentle kiss to his palm. It’s tentative, a test, a way to give him an out if doesn’t want this. His grip on you tightens for half a second before he shoots forward and claims your lips with his own.

It escalates quickly. You practically melt off your chair, straddling his lap while he leans back on the ground. Your hands tug at his hair while he moves desperately over your body. He can’t seem to decide what he wants to do, where he wants to touch you.

You love how fully his hands engulf you, the tight way they cradle you to his chest. You’ve never felt more secure in someone’s arms than you do right now. He’s got you, and he wants you. For you this time, you can tell. You can tell from the way he holds you that this isn’t a desperation born from grief. It’s something else, something you’re not ready to identify yet.

His tongue laves across the seam of your lips, silently asking permission. You smile against the kiss, parting your lips and deepening it. He licks into you, tasting you with a low grunt in the back of his throat. You feel your hips start to move of their own volition. Gently grinding down against his lap. You moan when you feel just how bad he wants you.

You lean back, parting from the kiss and pressing a finger to his chest to keep from following. You chuckle at his eagerness, grinding your hips down again and watching the way he thrusts up to meet your movement. “Didn’t know I was such a good kisser,” you tease.

But he doesn’t return the joke or play along. His face falls slightly and he pulls further away from you, the look on his face distant. “What?” You whisper. “Do I have bad breath?” You joke, trying to keep the mood light.

He shakes his head and runs a tired hand over his face. “No,” he mutters. He repeats the word more firmly and finally meets your gaze. “I think I need to take this slow, just because of…”

He trails off but you know what he means. His wife. You don’t know if he’s still projecting her onto you, you felt so sure he wasn’t earlier. But if every time you kiss he’s gonna pull back you’re not sure that you can do this. “Of course,” you mutter with a bite to your voice. It’s hard not to feel a little rejected every time he acts like this.

You move to get off his lap but his hands clamp down on your hips and he shakes his head again. “You don’t have to get up.”

You hesitate, thighs still hovering over his. You should get up and put as much space between you as possible. But he’s so warm and you want to be held for a little while more. You nod and he looks relieved. You lean back down, pressing your chest against his and letting your head rest in the crook of his neck.

He wraps a heavy arm around your back, keeping you close while the other reaches up to stroke your hair. It makes you feel small, in a good way. Like you can just relax and he’ll take care of you.

“Goddamn,” he laughs a little and you sit up. He nods to the sky above and you turn around, gasping.

“Fuck,” you whisper, “he wasn’t lying.” For once, Wade was telling the truth. Above you, it looks like the sky is falling. Glittering stars dart across the sky, streaks of blue following behind them. You grin, “It’s so beautiful.”

Logan keeps his eyes on you and nods, “Yeah, it is.”

“Ah, look, my favorite fuck buddies.”

”Wade,” you greet tightly. You shove the bottle of wine you brought into his chest and he stumbles back. “Just let us in, you freak.”

He frowns, placing a hand over his heart. “You know, it really hurts when you talk like that. I think we all need to hold hands and have a good old-fashioned jerk circle.”

You roll your eyes and flick his thick forehead. “It’s share circle, dumbass.”

”Not the way I do it,” he moves to the side and lets you both in. “Well, mi casa es su casa, especially since Vanessa and I had rockin’ sex in your bed last week.”

He walks off before you can hit him or even begin to respond to that. “I fucking knew it,” you hiss, glaring at his stupid Hawaiian shirt while he mingles with the rest of the people at the party.

Logan chuckles behind you, “How did you two ever become friends?”

You roll your eyes and turn to face him. “I moved in next door,” you respond dryly. “This was a nonconsensual friendship because god hates me, clearly.” You shrug your jacket off and he takes it from you, hanging it up on the hook by the door. He comes back, slinging an arm around your shoulder, and leading you towards the kitchen.

You hear Wade laughing loudly in the background and he grunts, “I’m gonna need a drink for this,” he mutters. You nod your head in agreement. You don’t get very far, though, because without any warning Wade is in front of you. He’s got his ridiculous dog in his arms and shoves her in your face. You grimace and jump back. Logan abandons you and you narrow your eyes at his retreating back. Traitor

Wade says your name with disappointment. “You know, Mary Puppins is a part of my life now. As my best friend, you need to bond with her. I can’t have you two fighting like this.” He shoves the dog into your arms without any warning and you flinch away from her wandering tongue.

“If this thing licks me, I’m putting her down,” you warn him gravely.

He gasps and snatches her back. “You are no longer welcome in my home,” he tells you with a snotty huff. You roll your eyes and watch him go. When he’s out of sight your lips curl up in a grin and you glance at Logan.

He’s by the sink, making himself a drink and taking a deep swig straight out of the bottle. You creep up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist. He smiles, hand coming down to gently hold your arm. “What’re you doing?”

”Come with me,” you whisper. You take his hand and lead him through the apartment. You both skirt around the partygoers, giving them vague greetings and waving them off when they give you odd looks.

Logan leans down, lips brushing across your ear as he whispers, “Where are we going?” Your knees nearly give out when you hear that low tone of voice of his. You just shake your head and lead him down the hall. You can sniff out Wade’s room from the permeating stench of his axe body spray.

You throw the door open and drag Logan inside behind you. His nose wrinkles up at the stiff socks littering the floor and the smell. Other than that, it’s relatively clean. You actually thought this would look so much worse.

“Now,” Logan demands, “are you gonna tell me what we’re doing?”

“Well,” you lock the door and turn around with a devious grin. “Seeing as Wade has ruined my favorite sheets, I feel like we need to get him back somehow.” You glance around the room, trying to figure out something of his you want to destroy.

You don’t hear Logan moving towards you. You’re too busy rooting through Wade’s desk and trying to find something good to shred up. All you’re seeing is increasingly more disturbing porno mags. He has got a serious problem with pegging. You briefly wonder if you should set up an intervention or something for him.

You nearly yelp when Logan’s hands grip your shoulders, whipping you around to face him. “I’ve got an idea of what we can do.” That’s your only warning before his lips cover your own. You melt into him immediately, hands fisting his shirt and dragging him closer. He grins against your lips, lifting you and placing you on the edge of Wade’s desk.

“Mm,” you moan but shove his chest back and shake your head. “Wait,” you hop off the desk and take a seat on Wade’s bed instead. “There’s no point in this if we’re not on the bed.”

Logan shakes his head with an amused huff. He walks towards you but instead of taking a seat on the bed next to you like you'd expected, he kneels before you. Your brows furrow together and you frown. “Wait, what’re you doing?”

He gives you a gentle smile, hands coming up to rub gently over your thighs. The warmth of his palms soothes you almost immediately. “You trust me?” He asks, voice a low rumble against your chest.

“Yeah,” you whisper. He nods encouragingly and leans forward, kissing you gently. There’s nothing expectant in this kiss. He’s doing it just to be close to you. Then you feel his hands drifting higher, fingers running over the buttons of your jeans. Your lips part, ready to ask him a question. But he just takes the chance to dip his tongue into your mouth, eagerly tasting you. You moan into it, not protesting when he presses you back into the bed.

His fingers dip under the waistband of your jeans. You lift your hips to help him tug them the rest of the way down until they’re dropping to the floor quietly. You have a million questions dancing on the tip of your tongue but you can’t find it in yourself to actually voice any of them. You don’t want to break the moment. This is the first time he’s seemed comfortable going further than kissing and some heavy petting.

“Fuck,” he whispers. Your hips jolt as he runs a thumb over the wet spot on your panties. “All this just from kissing?” He asks, a teasing lilt to his tone. You feel your face flush, cheeks warming when you realize he’s never actually seen just how much he affects you. “Relax,” he tells you, squeezing your thighs once before slipping a few lithe fingers under the band of your panties.

He tugs them down, but the second he sets eyes on you he gets too impatient to take them off the rest of the way. They dangle off one ankle while he lifts your thighs, setting them on his shoulder and dipping down to press a gentle kiss against you. You gasp at the contact, head tilting back while you instinctually grind your hips up against him.

It’s been a long time since you’ve actually been with anyone and you already know you’re going to cum embarrassingly quick because he fucking devours you. You’ve had boyfriends who liked to eat you out before, but this is something completely different.

He drags his tongue over you, sucking on your clit like it’s his only true joy in life. You can’t even make noises, your jaw hanging slack while you cant your hips higher. He groans when you grind against his face, shaking his head and flicking his nose across your bud. You nearly come from the sight of him smiling against your cunt alone. You feel it building slowly, and it’s like your powers are swelling up along with your release.

Wade’s knicknacks are floating off the shelves, some of them rotating in the air, others fluctuating between liquid and solid forms. You can’t control yourself, you’re barely aware of the chaos happening in the room around you. You just feel a warmth at the tips of your toes, swelling over your body, making your skin feel too tight. There’s little to no warning when you cum. He dips his tongue inside you and you let out a long moan, drenching his face.

The sheets are soaking wet underneath you and you know you’ve ruined his shirt. You’ve never come that hard before and you would reflect on that more if he wasn’t still fucking eating you out. You think your brain is going to melt out of your ears, you're so overwhelmed by all the different sensations.

He dips his tongue into you, dragging out your orgasm and drinking as much of you down as he can. Your hips keep twitching, you’d be thrashing out of his hands if it wasn’t for the near brushing grip he has on your hips. “Fuck fuck fuck,” you reach down, grabbing his hair at the roots and tugging. He groans at the feeling, barely leaning an inch back. “No more,” you whisper, chest heaving.

He smiles, palms smoothing across the skin of your thighs, “You okay?”

“Mhm,” you hum weakly. Your head falls back against the bed with a dull thunk and you struggle to catch your breath. “Holy shit, where did you learn to do that?” He doesn’t answer, just laughs. You jump slightly when he presses a tender kiss on your thigh, every part of you oversensitive.

He moves slowly up your body, hands dragging your shirt up until he’s pulling it over your head. He cups your cheeks, letting you recover while he kisses your cheeks and face. You laugh slightly at the feeling of his beard tickling you.

You pull back, meeting his gaze for a long drawn-out moment before you lean forward to finally kiss him back. You can feel yourself slowly coming back into your body. Your limbs tingle back to life while you lazily make out with him.

His hands drift down your chest, squeezing your breasts. You laugh against his lips, arching into his touch. You reach back, unclipping your bra and throwing it off somewhere in the room. In the far reaches of your mind, you make a mental note to take that when you go. You don’t want to think about what Wade would do with it if he found it.

Logan pulls back from you and your lips tip down at the serious look he wears. Your fingers trace the lines of his face and you tilt your head in question. “What’s wrong?” You whisper. You’re completely naked before him and he’s still clothed, you don’t want him to leave now.

He can’t keep doing this to you. He can’t keep forcing you into these vulnerable positions and then leaving. There’s only so much rejection you can take before you start to resent him for it.

He tilts his head down, gaze dragging across your body appreciatively. He’s looking at you like you’re art and it makes you feel like you should be in a museum somewhere. Finally, his hand drags down from your chest, wrapping around your waist and dragging you onto his lap.

You brace your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself. He leans towards you, lips trailing lightly across your jaw. “You’re not her,” he whispers against your skin. Your mouth parts, a pained breath slipping through. You try to move back from him. You hadn’t expected something like that, not now, not when you thought you’d made so much progress together.

To have you naked, vulnerable like this, and then say something like that to you. It was fucking despicable. You shove his shoulders back but he barely moves. You shift, trying to cover yourself and fighting off the urge to cry. Why won’t he let you go? Why does he keep doing this to you?

He reaches out, snatching up your wrist before you can get far. “I don’t want you to be. I never wanted you to be her, I need you to know that.”

He tries to kiss you but you snatch his jaw in your hand before he can. You let your nails dig in until there’s red blooming under your fingertips. He hisses, but he’s not mad, you can feel how much he enjoys the little pinpricks of pain.

“No more pulling away,” you warn. “I’m not playing this damn game with you anymore, Logan. You want me, then commit.” You release him with a shove and his pupils dilate with want. You appreciate the gentle way he’s been treating you, but you know you’re both holding back.

He’s the first partner you’ve been with that can actually take what you give and vice versa. There’s something only mutants understand sometimes. You normally have to hold back, have to make sure you don’t scare a guy off by making the walls shake when you come.

You push him down onto the bed. Hands sliding under the hem of his shirt and running over the grooves of his muscles. You haven’t had a chance to appreciate just how gorgeous his body is before, but nothing is holding you back now.

You snap your fingers and the buttons rip open, he surges forward catching your lips with his while you both frantically push his shirt off. He throws it off to the side and his fingers fumble with his belt buckle while you trail kisses down his neck. You glance up at him for a second before biting down on a particularly sensitive spot.

He groans, head rolling back while you grin against his skin. You make your way back to his lips. “Don’t hold back,” you tell him, trailing your hands down to his fists and running over the spots where the claws come out.

“Sweetheart,” he starts tone apprehensive. You shake your head, shutting him up with a kiss.

“Don’t. Hold. Back.”

It’s like a switch flipping. Even the way he looks at you changes. You’re not something to be cherished and adored. You feel like a deer pinned by a wolf. He’s got you in his clutches now and there’s a real possibility you might not survive this.

He stands up, dropping you on the bed and dragging your hips off the edge. He doesn’t kick his jeans off, just lowers them enough for his cock to hang out. You’ll address the fact that he wasn’t wearing boxers later, you’re too worried about what’s hanging between his legs right now.

You’re no virgin, but goddamn, there’s no way that’s going to fit.

He laughs, the noise cruel and it makes shivers crawl down your spine. “We’ll make it work, kid.” He spreads your legs and you tilt your hips up, making it easier for him to just sip inside.

There’s a slight stretch, but you’re already soaked for him. You’ve been waiting for this to happen since you walked in on him naked in your bathroom. “Oh, shit,” you toss your head back, taking in a deep breath while he pushes in. It feels like he’s rearranging your insides, molding you to fit him perfectly.

You can already feel yourself clenching down, just being so close to him is enough to make that tingle in the tips of your toes start. He leans down, placing your legs over his elbows and rutting into you like a wild animal. There’s nothing gentle or slow about this.

You’re both so pent-up, tired from the weeks of dancing around each other. Your nails drag up his back, blood following your movement. Your powers are actively surging against him, pain only driving you further into each other’s arms.

You can hear his breathy grunts and groans in your ears and it’s music to you. Neither of you cares about the party going on just outside the door. You’re loud, skin slapping against skin while you loudly call out his name.

God, you hope they hear you. Hope they realize just how thoroughly you’re wrecked for each other. You can feel yourself getting closer, hips stuttering against his while you struggle to match his pace. “Come on,” he mutters in your ear. He releases one of your legs to reach down and rub your clit.

“Fuck,” you groan, reaching up and tugging at his hair while your back bows. It only takes a few more tight circles of his thumb before you’re spasming around him. He’s quick to follow behind you.

He pins your hips to the bed, dropping your legs while he thrusts faster. He loses his rhythm, the muscles of his abdomen flexing as he cums inside you. It’s like a mini death, you feel like you’ve lost time when you finally manage to come back to yourself.

And when you roll your head to the side you realize just how much damage you’ve done to Wade’s bed. “Shit,” You glance up at the sound of his voice and notice little droplets of blood on your hips. Logan’s claws are out, stuck in the fluff of the bed.

You force the words out, tongue heavy in your mouth. “Do that often?”

“Not really,” he mutters. The claws retreat and he rubs his fingers over the blood. It’s not bad, you’ve honestly done worse to yourself. It’s like a big paper cut. When the rough pad of his fingers presses against the cut you hiss at the sting, nearly enjoying it.

“Must be special,” you tell him with a cheeky grin. He shakes his head with a laugh and takes his time pulling out. You hate the loss of him inside you but it's a slight relief. He's larger than any partner you’ve ever had and it’s almost overwhelming to be so full.

“Come on, let's get you dressed.” He pats your thighs, glancing around for your clothes.

“Uh, Logan,” he looks up and you glance at his still very hard cock. “I thought you came?”

The smile he gives you is slightly terrifying. Because there’s a promise in it. He’s not getting you dressed for no reason. He’s taking you back to your apartment so you can have more fun where there are less people and fewer reminders of Wade. “Stamina's part of the deal, sweetheart.”

“Oh,” you whisper, voice breathless in shock. You wipe the cum off your legs with Wade’s sheets. You feel like you’ve thoroughly gotten revenge on him for destroying your favorite bed set. Maybe, you’ve gone a little farther than revenge, though.

You feel guilty, looking around the room and seeing everything you destroyed. Once you’re dressed, you wave your hand, putting most things back where they belong. But there’s nothing you can do about the bed. The sheets are soaked with a mixture of yours and Logan’s releases and there are six holes dug deep in the bed from his claws.

When you step out of the room with Logan, struggling to press down your hair and get it back into place, Blind Al is waiting by the door. She’s doing a line off the back of her hand when you pass by. You think you’ve almost made it scott-free when she yells, “Man, I wish I couldn’t fucking hear,” at you.

You tense up, shoulders to your ears while you run to the door. Logan laughs, grabbing your coat for you and pressing a hand to your back while he leads you to the apartment. “Weren’t feeling so embarrassed earlier,” he teases.

“Shut up,” you grumble, dragging him into the apartment to finish what you couldn’t on Wade’s bed.

You’ve managed to keep any holes out of your bed, you just have to use your powers to keep his at bay. It’s nice, not having to explain why everything around you is levitating to the person you’re having sex with. There were a lot of awkward conversations that came from that.

You’re lying on Logan’s chest, fingers idly running over the veins in his biceps. “I want to be serious about this,” you tell him.

His hand pauses from where it’d been stroking your back. You sit up on your elbow so you can get a better look at him. “I mean it, I,” there’s no way to say this without sounding like a complete bitch. You just have to rip the bandaid off.

You take in a deep breath, “I know that you still miss her,” you say, unwilling to say her name. Logan sits up, looking more serious now. “But I don’t want to be with you if you think that I’m going to turn into her. Or if you think that I’m the last connection you have to her. I’m not her, Logan, and I'm never going to be her.”

You expect anger on his face or regret, maybe. But you don’t expect him to laugh at you. You roll your eyes, lips pursed while you wait for him to finish. He notices the pissy expression on your face and quiets down, but you still see a smile fighting on his lips.

“I know you’re not her. You could not be more different” he tells you with a slight smirk, like there’s an inside joke you’re missing out on. “I was married to her for a long time and I loved her. But we had our time together. Now, I just want my time with you. You’re not her,” he leans forward, pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead. “That’s why I want you.”

You feel your heart flutter in your chest and have to fight to keep a stupid grin off your face. “Okay,” you whisper. “Good, well as long as we’re on the same page,” you tell him, faux serious. He just rolls his eyes and pulls you back into his arms.

You’re going to cuddle up beside him when you hear your phone going off like crazy on your nightstand. Your face pinches in confusion and you reach over to grab it.

Wade

Did you fuckers have sex???

In my bed!!!!

And you didn’t invite me?!

….

Wade

Tell Logan I want his claws in me next

“Fuckin’ dumbass,” you mutter, throwing your phone somewhere on the bed. Logan laughs again, drawing you closer.

a/n: i have a really weird tendency for masochism, idk what that’s about. I just feel like if you were having sex with this man, he’s taking you like a wild animal. also feel like I might be a one-hit wonder. the smut just wasn’t doing it for me this time guys nor was the angst, i’m disappointed in myself

I just don't think I did justice to his character in the movie, I might have made it too OOC/ if I did PLEASE let me know

General Taglist: @evasmlp

Logan Taglist: @nonamevenus ♡

#logan howlett x you #logan howlett x reader #logan howlett #the worst logan x reader #wolverine x reader #wolverine x you #wolverine #deadpool and wolverine #deadpool #hugh jackman #praying this doesn't flop

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oreo-creampies · 3 months ago

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“𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞”

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: cam girl!reader, daddy/princess, satoru jerks off on live, squirting, edging, overstimulation, orgasm control, dacryphilia, light mind break, praise & degradation go hand in hand, anal, oral from the back, jerking off

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧: Hi, I love your works, would you consider writing about where the girl is a camgirl and the jjk men taking turn to make her cum and squirt by tipping her so they basically control the toys she has in her? I feel like you would be the perfect writer to write that kind of stuff.

𝐟𝐞𝐲: hi! :) I did this one separately, where they control when you cum, and they are either watching or recording with you. Since I don’t think they could all make the reader character squirt five times back to back. Hope you don’t mind the change and enjoy it anyway.

𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮

Come bidding war night Satoru dominated your stream. Making tonight another to add underneath the 'sugardaddy_69 bullies whore into tears' playlist.

Gliding his fist along his veiny long cock, his tip getting pinker the longer he pushes off cumming. He isn't letting you cum despite how you're begging. You sound too sexy, "Please daddy, need to!" The control he has over your pleasure is too sweet.

If only he could replace the dildo slowly fucking your beautiful, dripping wet cunt. He could squeeze your squishy thighs, bite your hip's soft crease, and take his time ruining you on camera.

Clinging onto the blanket beneath you, your slick dripping down your trembling thighs. "Please Daddy needacum I'm so close." You're slurring your words together, crying in desperation. Turning the toy off when he doesn't respond fast enough. Spreading your lips apart showing the camera your spasming cunt.

mommy_milkers22 donates 3,000: let her cum already got damn! wana see her pussy gush!

Gliding the still, long thick dildo into your cunt with a loud squelch. Turning the machine, it pace gets faster with each stroke. Your eyes roll back, and your loud moan almost makes him cum.

Quickly Satoru pays more than enough to get his way. Turning on his camera, already perfectly angled. It would be easy to get you to film with him after you took one look at his muscular body and long, veiny cock.

sugardaddy_69 donates 10,000: nice try, her cunt is mine. don't cum yet, keep fucking your beautiful cunt n check my account for my live stream

Leaning back and stroking his cock, watching you struggle to focus. Loudly moaning, gliding his hand along his cock. Pre-cum pearling on his pink cockhead. "Been edging myself too. You've been such a good girl. Cum right now and I'll fly you out to fuck you senseless." Your beautiful cunt gushes.

Satoru tugs on his fluffy hair, biting his lip, the veins in his cock pulse, and thick white cum spurts on his chiseled abs. Giving himself a few more strokes until it's too much. Smirking at your answer in his post nut haze.

𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢

Trembling, your cunt clenching with each quick stroke. Gliding your dripping wet cunt on his veiny, thick cock by your hips. The sweet ache of Toji's merciless way of using your squelching cunt like it's a fleshlight adds to the pleasure.

Creaming on his thick cock, "That's how many?" Your toes curl from the way his cock head brushes your cervix. He's going painfully pleasurable deep into your cunt. You can't focus on coming up with an answer when his cock is stirring your pussy and brains up.

"If you can't count, you can't cum. Don't make me stop when your slopping cunt is trying to milk my cock." Whining, clenching his cock, eliciting a raspy groan from Toji.

Moaning, "Fiiive!" Slamming you down hard on his cock, rutting his hips up. His skin slaps yours. Your eyes roll back, toes curling, thighs trembling. "Nnn Daddy don't stop! Want everyone to see how big a slut I am for your cock!" Getting off on knowing there are several thousand people masturbating to you getting fucked stupid.

Toji grunts, "This is how you're supposed to fuck a whore." Rubbing your clit, your cunt spasm, clenching Toji's cock like you're pulsing. The building pleasure is too intense and you want it to crush you, and make your brain dead. You didn't need to think, you need to cum on Toji's thick cock.

"Look at your sloppy cunt taking my cock." Toji turns his head. Your cunt is so beautiful stretched wide by Toji's wet, veiny pale cock fucking into you. His cock is so big. How is your pussy fitting all of him?

Your tight cunt tugging he tries to bottom out. He groans, "Love the way she's too tight to let me go. Might have to stuff you full of cum." The thought pushes you over the edge. Thick cum gushes on Toji's cock, dripping onto the floor.

The computer chimes, "addicted_towhores420 paid 2,500 said: don't stop, break her cunt, cum in your whore. I want to see it drip out from between her lips when you pull out and she's gapping from being used." Your cunt clenches around Toji's cock.

"Please cum! Please cum! Wanna fill your warm cum drip outta my pussy." Fucking you faster with each word that comes out of your mouth till you can't speak. Moaning loudly, you can't think with how roughly Toji is fucking your overly sensitive cunt.

𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮

There is nowhere to move despite not being tied up. Trapped between Suguru's handsome face and the edge of the bed. Bent over occasionally reading the chat and watching Suguru eat your cunt till she's sloppy on stream.

He's filling your asshole with a pulsing, thick dildo. You could feel its powerful vibration in your cunt, clenching Suguru's pierced tongue. You're losing your mind from Suguru's relentlessly stoking your sweet spot with his hard metal tongue ring.

Your thighs are trembling. Rutting your hips against the edge of the bed. Clawing at the sheets. Reading out, "Can't believe she's trying to run away." Furrowing your brows, clenching Suguru's tongue. The soreness to your abused cunt adds to your pleasure.

Looking at the camera whining, "Can't help it. It's too much, Daddy's tongue feels too good! Can't cum! Wanna cum! Too much! Already cummed too much!" Your jaw drops and intense pleasure consumes you.

Squirting on Suguru's face, he tightens his grasp on your squishy thigh. Fucking the dildo into your ass quicker, twisting it. Both holes clenching, quivering, desperately trying to jerk your hips away.

You push Suguru's head back, tangling your fingers in his long hair. He groans into your cunt, gliding his tongue out. Licking your lips clean, rubbing your sensitive clit. Crying, glitching away from the intense pleasure.

Burying your face into the bed when he pulls away. Your wiggles settle into quivers, "We not done yet sweetheart." He pushes the dildo up to the hilt. Groaning, " Can't get enough of makin' you cum. Need to feel your sloppy cunt squeezin' my cock till it's too much for me to handle."

Lining his cock up, swiping it between your plush lips. Nudging barely the tip into your sensitive cunt, his fat head warm and soft. The temptation of the pleasure stretch his thick cock gives has you pushing your hips back.

Wrapping his hand around your neck, gradually choking you. "Good girl, take your daddy's cock. I'm gonna fuck ya till you can't walk, break your beautiful cunt, fill her up, then eat her out some more." Lifting your body, holding you off the ground, keeping you bent over, fucking you like he hates you.

Oreo’s m.list

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mixolya · 2 months ago

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ᓚᘏᗢ — sae itoshi: scene stealer (pt. 2) !

synopsis: in which you called itoshi sae overrated in an interview, and he responded in the language he knew best.

sae itoshi x reader ⭑ drabble / enemies to ??? + likes & reblogs are appreciated <3

note: planned to leave it the way it is but i love you all too much

you had not planned on watching the clip again. but somehow, it kept finding you. in your group chat. on your for you page. pinned to the top of every sports account like it was the moon landing.

sae itoshi. 82nd minute. goal of the season. camera cut. eye contact. one word, mouthed slow enough to be personal.

"overrated?"

it was not a celebration but rather a reply. and the internet had eaten it alive.

user1: this is better than any sports anime plotline LOLLL

user2: y/n and sae's beef is the only thing keeping me alive

user 3: enemies to lovers speedrun???

your phone wouldn't stop and you considered throwing it out of the window. your pr team advised silence, your fans were calling it legendary and his fans were calling you every name under the sun.

somehow, you didn't post nor did you respond. you just kept watching the clip.

but then the met gala happened.

you weren't supposed to be going. you'd planned to skip this year- too much press, too many cameras, not enough sleep. but your designer begged, your stylist guilt-tripped you and somehow deep down, you knew you kind of didn't want to miss it.

⭑

so you went in a dress that didn't just turn heads but rewrote the whole room.

black silk, sharp neckline, backless. you looked like the kind of woman wrote headlines about. the kind who could ruin a boy's life with just a quote in a magazine. (spoiler: you were)

and the moment you stepped onto the carpet, the noise started. flashes, cheers, shouts of your name- it was chaos, controlled and curated chaos.

and then, through the chaos, you saw him.

sae itoshi, at the bar. dressed like a problem. black suit, no tie, hair slicked back like he didn't care what it did to people.

you froze for half a second, just long enough to feel it. that stupid, cinematic pull, like gravity had picked a side.

you could've walked away. maybe you should have but then he looked at you.

and smiled.

"didn't think this was your scene," you said, stopping just close enough to keep things interesting.

he raised an eyebrow. "didn't think i was your scene."

you gave him a once-over, unimpressed. "you're not."

he let that hang in the air. "but you're still watching."

you hated how he said it. calm and certain, like he already knew he was right.

before you could fire back, someone stepped in. a reporter, mic in hand, grinning like this was the best night of her life.

"y/n! sae! can we get a quick photo? you two look so good together."

you blinked. "we're not-"

"sure," sae said. the audacity??

and then his hand was on your back, light and just enough to feel expensive like he'd done this before. you smiled for the camera. you were an actress, you could do that.

"beautiful," the reporter gushed. "and sae, if you're so overrated, what would you call her?"

it was a trap and you knew it. he knew it. and still, you turned his head just slightly and waited.

he looked into the camera, and you felt every nerve in your body tighten like wire. then he shrugged.

"hermosa."

beautiful.

⭑

that clip went viral too, faster than the first one.

you went home with sore feet, a sore back and half the internet convinced you were either going to kiss sae itoshi or kill him. maybe both?

you didn't check your messages. but at 02:03 a.m., your phone lit up with a dm.

⭑

#mixolya!#itoshi sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #itoshi sae imagines #itoshi sae fluff #bllk imagines #bllk x reader #sae itoshi imagines #sae itoshi fluff

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littlegrapejuice · 1 month ago

Text

Post Uploaded! | IH6

Pairing: Isack Hadjar x Reader

Summary: Being VCARB's social media admin is definitely not for the weak, especially when you got a chaotic duo to babysit. But maybe it isn't so bad when it means that you can land a cute driver as your boyfriend.

Author's Note: whoever's the actual vcarb admin, ilysm🫶🏻 istg i look forward to watch whatever they post everyday, it's just fucking hilarious + the dynamic btwn isack and liam is🔛🔝 also, huge thank you to my bestie @sk8termikey who beta read this, ily babe<3

F1 MASTERLIST🏎

“Have you seen this trend?” was probably the question that Isack asked you the most. And whether you replied positively or negatively, it was always followed by “can we do that?”.

As part of Racing Bulls’ social media team, it was supposed to be your job to be creative and find ideas for the team’s socials. However, due to Isack being even more chronically online than you, he was always suggesting things before you even had time to edit and post the previous videos you had filmed.

It was certainly a bit calmer now that Liam had replaced Yuki at Racing Bulls – Yuki was as chaotic as Isack, and them being together meant that you were never able to catch a break during race weekends. Still, Liam and Isack made up for a crazy duo.

But even if you let out the biggest sigh known to mankind whenever Isack was walking up to you, far from innocent grin on his face, you were glad that you didn’t have to force your drivers to film content. Social media admins from the other teams often expressed their jealousy, gushing about how lucky you were that you didn’t have to chase your drivers in the paddock just for a ten seconds long video.

You weren’t paid enough for that, though. You loved your drivers, you really did. But God, they were way too energetic for you. You had to listen to them talk about Cars at least twice a day – you loved the film, but not enough to hear about it every time you were with them; and they often argued about who you’d prefer based on whose idea you’d film first – definitely not Isack. But the most draining thing was for sure when they would both follow you everywhere around the paddock as soon as they had a video idea. Hell, you even had to get lunch with them – more like them getting lunch with you actually – while they showed you examples and made you listen to funny audios.

But you loved them, most of the time.

Except right now.

Right now, all you wanted was to relax. Well, relax as much as you could while working. You had your headphones on with some of your favourite songs playing and were looking at some pictures from the latest race as you had to choose which ones to post after having also edited several videos. You were in your little bubble, until Isack sat down in front of you. You tried your best to ignore him for the time being, but you could see from the corner of your eye that he was expecting you to interact with him.

Not removing your headphones, you decided to acknowledge him:

“Please, just give me ten minutes. I’m almost done with this, and then I’m all yours. Been on it for the past hour; I’m dehydrated and I have a headache, but I’ll be free for whatever silly trend you got. Just ten minutes, thanks Isack.”

It could’ve been considered rude from you to not even glance at him, but he understood. Not that you had seen or heard anything, but Isack nodded and told you that he would be back soon. You were focused on your task, and desperately needed to finish it before the next event of the weekend was to happen. You weren’t usually this dramatic, but you were more exhausted than usual because of the triple header, and were therefore more stressed to not fulfill your job within the deadlines.

After ten long minutes that felt like an hour, you were finally done with your editing. Pictures and videos had been posted; they featured both drivers, and all had a nice caption. You sighed as you leaned back on your chair, removing your headphones before putting them around your neck. You then noticed that Isack wasn’t here anymore, and wondered if you had been too mean to him.

Still, you took advantage of the calm and silence that echoed in the room. Everyone else was either downstairs or outside, and you found peace in the quiet around you as you closed your eyes.

Breathing in, and out. In, and out.

You were a bit less tense than earlier, and kept enjoying the silence until you heard someone approach as they seemingly put something on the table. Opening your eyes, you saw that Isack was sitting down once again in front of you.

“You’re back, good. Just five more minutes of peace, and we can film whatever you want.”

“It’s okay,” Isack replied. “This is for you, by the way.” He pointed to the glass on the table.

“Me?” You asked, straightening up and looking at him.

“Yeah, you said that you were dehydrated and had a headache. So I brought you a drink, and some painkillers.”

That’s when you noticed the blister pack next to the glass, and you couldn’t help the smile that appeared on your face. Immediately popping a pill into your mouth, you didn’t hesitate gulping down half of the drink right after. You let out a satisfied sigh, which made Isack chuckle.

“Better?” He wondered.

“Yeah, that will definitely help. Sorry about earlier,” you apologised. “Guess I got a bit grumpy, but I’m free for you if you wanna tell me about whatever trend you found.”

Isack dismissed your apology and told you it was fine, before he quickly got his phone out to open TikTok. His enthusiasm was contagious. Soon enough, you were back to your usual self and laughing at the video that Isack was showing you as you both discussed what your take would be for the team��s social media.

…..

You didn’t know what to expect when you accepted that Isack and Liam take control of the team’s socials for a day. You had only agreed to it after Isack kept reminding you how well the video of him pretending to be VCARB’s admin had done, and you had to admit that it had indeed been a popular video.

So here you were, shadowing the drivers for a while until you had to take a lunch break. For once, it was you who offered them to join you. But they politely refused your invitation, claiming that they wanted to film a couple more videos. So you let them do their thing, thinking that it was fine – especially when they kept saying that you would actually be able to rest while eating.

It wasn’t fine.

Well, it was at first.

Before going back to wherever Isack and Liam were in the paddock, you decided to check if they had posted anything since this morning. There were two new videos, crossposted on TikTok and Instagram: one was of them simply notifying the fans that they were taking over VCARB’s socials for the day – simple and efficient, you thought. The other video was already a bit chaotic compared to the first one: the two drivers had tried to sneak into every garage and pretend they were from that team before someone noticed that they were, in fact, absolutely not part of it.

You had to admit, they could come after your job as the videos already had a fair amount of likes and comments. People were clearly enjoying today’s content, and you were glad that they could indeed be trusted.

But of course, something had to go wrong.

After a quick text to your drivers, you found yourself in Isack’s driver room where they had been brainstorming more video ideas. When you opened the door, you saw that Liam was apparently filming something and you were about to apologise for interrupting when Isack noticed your presence.

“Hey!” The French said with excitement. His smile was bright, like a warm ray of sunshine. “Have you seen our videos? Our content is almost better than yours!”

“I did watch them both, yeah.” You nodded, before noticing that Liam had stopped recording and was now looking at his phone with a smirk on his face. “Did I interrupt anything?”

“No, you’re fine. In fact, you helped with something.” Liam was being kind of cryptic, as he put his phone back in his pocket.

“I did?” You wondered while tilting your head in confusion. You had simply entered a room, so you were a bit lost as to how you could have provided anything to his content. “What’s your video about?”

“You’ll know when I post it later”, Liam simply replied.

“Okay…” You were quite suspicious, but decided to trust him. “Can I help with anything else?” You asked them.

“Personally, I’m good. But I wouldn’t mind if you kept us company today,” Isack admitted. “Unless you have other things to do, of course.”

“Isack, you guys are literally doing my job right now. So no, I actually don’t have anything else to do.”

“That’s great, then. You can stay with us for the rest of the day”, Liam concluded.

And so until media day was over, you had followed your drivers around the paddock. They kept having crazy ideas after crazy ideas, and you couldn't help but laugh every time they had to do multiple takes due to one of them not being able to stay in character. This was probably one of the best work days you’ve ever had, and you almost wished that they would do this more often.

Keyword: almost.

Because of course, there had to be that eventual issue mentioned earlier.

Liam had been filming Isack doing whatever he was doing until the French driver tripped on his own feet and ended up face first in a wall. The sudden noise alarmed you, and you immediately rushed to Isack’s side as he was holding his head.

“Are you okay?” You asked, worry evident in your voice.

“I think I’m dying”, Isack dramatically replied.

You chuckled at what was definitely him overreacting. You forced Isack to sit down before you crouched down to his level, making him look up at you.

“Remove your hand, please.” Isack did as he was told, and you carefully inspected his head. “Where does it actually hurt?”

“Like– my forehead,” he said.

You nodded in understanding, and cupped his face to make him stay still – it was probably not even necessary as you being so close to him was almost making him stop breathing, and he didn’t dare make a move. You gently pushed his hair back from his forehead, looking for any kind of bruise as you stroked his skin to feel if any lump had appeared. You were so focused on your task, you didn’t even notice how flustered Isack was becoming with every second passing.

Liam, however, had very much noticed. And unbeknownst to you or Isack, he was absolutely enjoying the scene, still recording for God knows what reason. This was good content for the video idea he’d had since this morning, which he had slowly but surely been filming for throughout the day.

After a couple minutes, you finally released Isack’s face – he couldn’t decide whether it was a good thing or not, given that it had been messing with his heart a lot – and he was already missing the warmth of your hand on his cheek.

“All good”, you eventually concluded. “Might have a slight bump forming, but you’ll survive. You’re a strong guy, right Isack?”

“Y–yeah, of course. Thanks”, he could only reply due to how nervous you were making him.

“Pathetic…” Liam mumbled under his breath, unheard from you nor Isack.

Glad that Isack was fine, you straightened back up with a smile before offering him your hand. He hesitantly took it, and you then pulled him up so he could stand. Not expecting to end up so close to you once again, Isack quickly took a step back with the blush intensifying on his cheeks.

Liam was definitely having a field day, while you were completely oblivious to the effect you were having on the French driver.

“I wish I could trust you to keep playing social media alone, but I’m gonna have to review your next ideas before you start filming them and I’m being put on the spot.”

The drivers both nodded, understanding that you were simply worried about them – and about your job too. So for the rest of the day, you made a compromise with them: you would still give them creative liberty to film – almost – whatever they wanted, but you had the right to veto anything that could seem to eventually end up badly for one of them.

…..

A few hours later, media day was finally over. Isack and Liam had filmed three other videos, while you supervised them like a babysitter from afar. Although they had done most of the job, you still helped them edit their videos and confirmed to them that yes, their caption ideas were funny.

“Well, this was an interesting day for sure. But I don’t think we’ll do that again for a while,” you told the drivers when all their videos were posted.

“Sorry to have wasted your time”, Isack apologised.

“It wasn’t wasted,” you reassured him. “I just didn’t rest as much as you had promised me. But it was fun, I guess.”

“It was very fun, yes. Glad I was able to know more”, Liam said.

“About my job?” You wondered.

“Amongst other things”, Liam vaguely replied.

Although a bit confused at his words, you didn’t think much of it as you knew that Liam had enjoyed the day as well. He had harboured a satisfied grin for most of the afternoon, and you were glad to see it every time you would look at him. You wouldn’t be glad in the near future, but this was another story.

After checking that the team’s social media was doing fine, you announced to Isack and Liam that they were free to leave the track and go back to their hotel. You were actually all staying in the same one, which led to Isack suggesting that you all go back together before he also asked you if you wanted to join him – and Liam – for dinner. You hesitated a bit as it wasn’t really something you often did unless there were other VCARB employees going out with you, but Isack’s excited smile made it impossible to refuse.

…..

So now you were back in your hotel room, about to go downstairs after having changed from your team kit. You were strangely nervous, already picturing the worst that could happen. It wasn’t everyday that you were hanging out with your drivers off track – only the three of you – so you really hoped that the evening would go smoothly.

But once again, you had spoken too soon.

Courtesy of Liam who had apparently come down with a “last-minute stomachache”, you were now looking at your menu with only Isack sitting at the table with you. He had surprisingly dressed up a bit, and you wondered if the supposed stomachache had been planned between the two of them. But with the way that Isack was avoiding your gaze, his cheeks slightly flushed, you truly didn’t know what to think of the situation.

It looked just like a date.

You. And Isack. On a date.

And that’s not even the worst that would happen. The worst had happened right after you and Isack had ordered. The tension had lightened a bit after a waiter had come to your table, bursting the little bubble of nervousness that had surrounded you two. You were now patiently waiting for your food as you sipped your drink, when you heard your phone going off.

You were about to apologise to Isack for not muting it, when you saw what the notification was:

Post uploaded!

Furrowing your brows, it was safe to say that you were confused; because the account that was showing wasn’t your personal one. No, it was the team’s account. And that’s when you started panicking.

“Is everything alright?” Isack asked you, easily noticing your stress.

“Yeah, hmm… it’s just Instagram being weird,” you said. “I don’t know what happened.”

Just to make sure you hadn’t posted anything weird, like a wrongly scheduled video, you opened the application. Nothing had prepared you for the video that immediately played before your eyes. The editing was basic, but the caption was far from being a usual one: 30s compilation of isack having a crush on admin.

You watched the entire video with widened eyes, each clip showing a different version of Isack throughout the day. Your face wasn’t shown, but you recognised the moment from earlier in the afternoon when you were checking on Isack after he had bumped into a wall. He was looking up at you with flushed cheeks, his eyes filled with something you didn’t dare think about.

When the video finished, it automatically replayed and you could only rewatch those clips of Isack’s eyes glancing at you – his face lightening up when you had entered his driver’s room, his smile brightening as he talked about you.

You didn’t know what to think of it. And for a couple minutes, you had forgotten that Isack was actually sitting at the table across from you.

“Are you okay?” He worryingly asked. “Your face has gone a bit red.”

Of course your face had gone red! It wasn’t everyday that you had to see your driver look at you as if you were the prettiest girl in the world – Isack wouldn’t deny that, as if you were the only thing that made him wake up in the morning, the only person he was impatiently waiting to see at every race.

“I’m fine…” That was a lie. “I just think that a certain someone posted a video on the team’s account without consulting me first.”

“Liam?” Isack guessed. He unlocked his phone to go see it himself, and was met with his own face as he clicked on the video. “Oh mon Dieu, putain…”

Isack would definitely kill Liam for that. Setting him up on a date with you was one thing, but a public video that displayed his crush on you for the entire world to see? Isack wanted to die of embarrassment. His face had gone even redder than yours, and he didn’t dare look up from his phone. He was afraid to see your expression, afraid that you’d be mad about the situation.

But you weren’t.

After a few minutes of silence between you and him, you caught his attention.

“Isack”, you called out his name which made him nervously look at you.

“Wait! Before you say anything”, he interrupted. “I’m so sorry for this, I didn’t know Liam had planned that. And I’m also sorry for the dinner, he told me at the last minute that he wasn’t coming. I swear it wasn’t on purpose! And–”

“Isack, breathe!” You exclaimed as you saw him almost hyperventilating. You took his hands in yours, which made him go still for a second. “Calm down, it’s fine.” He raised an eyebrow at you, and you chuckled. “Okay, it could’ve been better. But it’s not the end of the world,” you tried to reassure him.

“Kinda feels like it is for me”, he argued. “Liam just outed my feelings on the team’s socials, out of all places.”

“I’ll admit that was a shit move.” You were definitely giving Liam a lecture tomorrow morning, and removing his access to the VCARB account until the end of time. “I’m actually going to take this down while I think about it,” you said as you quickly deleted the video before focusing back on Isack.

“I’m sorry, again.”

“If anyone should apologise, it’s Liam. You have nothing to be sorry about, unless it’s to tell me the video wasn’t telling the truth.”

“It is…” Isack tried to avoid your gaze once again. “And now it probably ruined our friendship, as well as our professional relationship.”

“It hasn’t, though.”

“Really?” He was confused, but it was kind of getting his hopes up. “You’re not weirded out by me liking you?”

“Nope”, you replied with a grin. “If anything, the video was actually cute.”

“Cute?” Isack repeated.

“Yes”, you confirmed with a nod. “You’re cute, Isack. Sorry I never noticed this until now. Well, I would be blond not to have actually noticed. But I never truly did, I guess”

“You’re cute too.”

“Well, I hope so given how you look at me.”

“You’re never letting me live this down, are you?”

“Got it!” You chuckled and leaned back in your chair. “But there’s something we can do now.”

“What?”

“Liam expected something out of this, right?” When Isack nodded, you continued. “Let’s make it happen.”

“And it is…?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.” You shrugged, a challenging expression making its way on your face. “Maybe you asking me on a real date, so tonight isn’t wasted. Or maybe it’s you being the one to confess instead of Liam doing it for you.”

“I didn't really ask for that to happen in the first place”, he reminded you. “But if you’re actually serious, then I’d love for tonight to be a real date. Let me make it better than how it started.”

“You’re on the right path, don’t worry.” From the corner of your eye, you could see your food finally arriving. “Here’s to our first date!” You said as you raised your glass towards Isack before taking a sip.

“Here’s to our first date”, he repeated with a nervous smile.

And thankfully, it wouldn’t be the last.

…..

The next day, you lectured Liam for at least ten minutes. His head hung low and he apologised countless times to you. You also forced him to apologise to Isack, as the French driver had been the most affected by Liam’s actions. Luckily for him, he was saved by his engineer calling him for FP1 as it would be starting soon and so you had no choice but to let him go.

“It did work, though. Right?” Liam asked with a smirk right as he stood in the doorway.

“Get out Liam”, you only replied. “You’re on thin ice right now, and your social media privileges have been revoked for an undetermined period of time.”

“I know. But being so defensive means that it worked!” He quickly concluded before leaving you and Isack alone.

“He’s not wrong…” Isack smiled at you.

“Doesn’t mean I wanted to admit it to him”, you argued. “But yes, it did help speed up things between us.”

“You know, I would’ve still confessed even without Liam. Maybe not before months,” he admitted, “but I was planning on us becoming closer friends before that.”

“And what would’ve made you confess?” You were now definitely curious about it.

“I wish I could’ve gotten a podium first,” he explained. “I only have points as an achievement right now.”

“That’s enough for me, don’t worry.” You quickly looked at the time, realising how late it was getting. “You better go join Liam by the way, I don’t want to be fired for keeping you away from your job.”

“I would vouch for you, don’t worry. You’re the best admin we could have”, Isack claimed.

“You’re just saying that because I make you look good on our socials.”

“But you think I look good off socials too, right?”

“Get out, Isack.” Your tone was teasing, and your cheeks a bit flushed. “Go drive your little car and let me do my job in peace.”

“Okay, okay!” He raised his hands in defence, before he left his room.

Now that you were alone, your only reaction was to put your head in your hands. You could only giggle as you remembered what had happened from yesterday to just a few seconds ago.

You were just a girl after all.

But right now, you were definitely a happier girl than ever.

…..

You didn’t think that you would see Liam and Isack still in the garage by the time you finally left Isack’s room – it had taken you a dozen minutes alone before you felt comfortable to go out, but they were talking with some engineers while half of the drivers were already on track for FP1.

Taking advantage of the moment, you called out their names and they walked to where you were in between their garages.

“Okay guys, quick picture time if you don’t mind.”

“Both of us or separately?” Liam asked.

“Let’s do three pictures: two individuals and one of you together”, you decided. “I’ll see what I eventually post later.”

The drivers nodded and waited for your directions.

“Do we do anything special or…?” Isack wondered.

“Just stand there and look pretty,” you said without thinking. “Won’t be too hard for you.”

While Isack blushed at your words, Liam’s face was making an exaggerated and disgusted expression.

“I know it’s thanks to me that y’all are finally together, but please refrain from flirting in front of me.”

“That wasn’t flirting!” You tried to argue. “And we’re not even together…”

“Yet,” Isack pointed out.

“You’re not helping,” you told Isack with what you hoped was a stern glare. You sighed and tried to remain professional. “Just smile and give me some thumbs up, please.”

Taking a few pictures of them together first, you then let them go to their respective side of the garage so that they could gear up and get in their car. You took that as an opportunity to take individual pictures of them, starting with Liam.

“You know,” he caught your attention, “I’m actually happy for you two. And I’m sorry again for making it chaotic, but I’m glad y’all can make it work.”

“Thanks, Liam.” Your smile was genuine, and you knew Liam had only wanted to help. “Next time, let’s have private conversations instead of using the public internet.”

“Copy.”

You both exchanged one last smile, before you walked to Isack’s garage as he was about to put on his helmet.

“Wish me luck?” He asked, holding his helmet next to his face while he smiled for a picture.

“It’s FP1, Isack. I’m sure you can manage without me blessing your car.”

“But what if I crash and it’s because you haven’t wished me luck?” Isack was being dramatic, his voice teasing.

“Please don’t joke about that,” a mechanic said. “And definitely don’t crash on purpose to get your girlfriend’s attention.”

“Not his girlfriend”, you mumbled with a faint blush on your cheeks.

“Yet”, Isack said in reference to earlier.

“Get in the car, Isack.” You sighed as you took one last picture before he secured his helmet. You waited for him to get in the car before you spoke again. “Good luck.”

Isack’s head turned so quickly towards where you were, it almost seemed like his neck could’ve snapped. Only his eyes were showing, but you could see in the way Isack looked at you that he was grinning. Your expression was soft, which made Isack almost want to get out of the car and kiss the smile that had appeared on your face.

…..

And he would eventually do so, after getting his first F1 podium. Not wasting any time as soon as he would reach parc fermé, Isack would get out of his car so quickly that you would barely have time to realise that he was in front of you. He would hug you tightly, while everyone cheered around you. He would then struggle to remove his helmet, having only one goal.

And when he would finally succeed, Isack would drop his helmet to the ground without a care and he would get as close to you as the barrier between the two of you let him do so. And this time, his arms wouldn’t be around you; because his hands would reach for your face, cupping your cheeks and pulling you close to him as his lips kissed yours.

Isack wouldn’t give a damn about the podium, or the trophy. Because you were his prize.

In this moment, you would forget about the video of Isack that you were filming. You wouldn’t be VCARB’s social media admin anymore, you would simply be Isack Hadjar’s girlfriend. And for once, you wouldn’t mind being the one in front of the camera.

..........

Tagging the lovely people who expressed a wish to read this, thanks to y'all for motivating me to finish it: @fellowwomenlover @mrssaturday @boke---hinata---boke

HOPE Y'ALL ENJOYED🫶🏻🫶🏻

Kudos again to my bestie who's fr my soulmate bc she literally complimented on the exact thing i had been unsure of (without even knowing i had struggled w that)

Really manifesting an isack podium soon bc pookie is doing so well recently and ik he's on the right path to perform even better🕯🕯

I also wanna say that we've reached 400 followers and it feels absolutely insane, so tysm for supporting me and my silly lil fics🫂

See you soon, take care of yourselves, i love y'all xx

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 x reader #formula 1 x reader #isack hadjar #isack hadjar x reader #f1 x you #formula 1 x you #isack hadjar x you #ih6 #ih6 x reader #ih6 x you

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lovesoakedd · 1 month ago

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I've seen a lot of posts lately about loser-big-brother-butch summer. but, I pose you this: losergirl femme summer. days spent bedrotting and on butch-femme twitter. always in a perpetual state of longing, hearing about their friends' nights spent out in the club and meeting this person or that person, wanting so badly to have someone to lay with at night but not bothering to actually go out for it. spends long, humid days hunched over the computer or just sitting on their porch and letting the summer heat soak through their skin. they try out different makeup styles and hairdos in the foggy mirror of their childhood bathroom, and huff in exhaustion when they just can't get it right. a little butterfly clip will suffice, they suppose. they complain about their lack of prospects to the kids they babysit, and practically feel their mouth gushing with saliva when they see the one butch in their local area mowing everyone's lawn. they give an air of awkward-but-mysterious big sister, always lurking around every corner of the house, sipping on their soda and keeping to themself. their outings include heading to the mall to try to scramble together an aesthetic they like and going to the book store to find literature that makes them feel more at home. and they want. and want and want want.

#basically me #sometimes #for the most part so far #fr3aklike-me #lesbian #dyke #butch #femme #butch4femme #femme4butch #femme lesbian #dykeposting

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biblionerd07 · 4 months ago

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I gotta gush about something from the Residence, the White House murder mystery on Netflix starring Uzo Aduba. (Spoilers ahead but as far as I know they’re spoilers for character backstory but not for the plot of the show, though I’m only on episode 4 so idk if this comes into play later.)

Okay so there is a thing that writers sometimes do when trying to convey backstory to the audience where they have the characters just explain their backstory to someone. But often they are doing this to someone who would already know, like a family member/partner/longtime friend. You know I love my man Taron, but Netflix’s Carry-On did this with his character and his girlfriend multiple times. Like who’s been dating their partner for 2 years and says things like, “You moved here to be with me. That was 2 years ago.” It’s awkward and unnatural because people don’t talk like that to each other. They both already know that! But it’s hard because you want to tell your audience the story.

So, on to the point of this post. The 4th episode of the Residence opens with Cordelia on a birding trip with her nephew, who I think is somewhere in the 10-12-year-old range. He’s discouraged and wants to give up because they can’t find the bird they’re looking for, and Cordelia tells him about not giving up while looking for a lost sock.

She tells her nephew that his mom (her sister) had a favorite pair of socks as a child. She’d wear these socks every other day, even if they were dirty. Her nephew asks what was so special about the socks and Cordelia says, “They were a gift from her brother.” Her nephew’s face gets serious. Cordelia goes on to talk about how distraught her sister was when one of the socks was lost. She wanted to skip school to find it. She cried. Cordelia promised to find it and skipped school to look for it. She says, “I even looked in places I wasn’t supposed to look” and we see a closed door that a child-Cordelia opens to reveal a boy’s bedroom in an obviously untouched state. At one point in the story she mentions a neighbor bringing food by for the family even after her dad didn’t want the neighbor to do that anymore.

Neither Cordelia nor her nephew ever say the brother died. Because they don’t need to. In real life, you don’t need to remind your 10-year-old nephew about your brother who died. He knows, and he’s not a younger kid who would blurt it out just because he knows it. Instead of going for the unnatural “let me talk at you so we get character backstory through dialogue”, the show gave us the hints we needed and trusted us to put the pieces together ourselves.

We still get the backstory they wanted to tell us, but it doesn’t stand out as a weird conversation between family members. It’s so much more natural and I’ve been thinking about it all day because it was so refreshing. I feel like so. many. shows these days spoon-feed the audience every single detail and it leaves the dialogue feeling awkward. It was so nice to have a show say “here, you’ve been alive long enough that you can understand what we’re saying.” And we can! It was not particularly subtle, despite never actually saying the words. It was just really good!

#the residence #writing #sorry to the carry-on writer it was just the first example off the top of my head #and that expository dialogue drove me nuts bc it was SO heavy handed #the Tahiti convo too like why would you need to say ‘you’ve always wanted to go to Tahiti and I always promised I’d take you’ to your gf #do you both have amnesia so you constantly have to remind each other of your relationship?#and I know at least some of this spoon-feeding is not the fault of the writers!#I know studios are demanding it more and more bc they think people won’t pay attention to the show #and yeah a lot of people won’t #but I like that the residence said ‘not my problem if you weren’t listening’#hooting and hollering over smart writing like my team’s scoring in a playoff game lmao

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dix0nspretty · 1 year ago

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Lost and Found

Summary: On a run into a nearby town, Daryl and Y/N encounter a bad group of men. Daryl takes a beating and you get taken. He won't stop until he finds you.

Daryl Dixon x F!Reader, 5.7k words

Era: Prison! Post-Woodbury merge, pre-attack

⚠️TW FOR SA. ⚠️TW FOR SA. ⚠️TW FOR SA. ⚠️

TW: 18+ SA and attempted rape. Please don't push your boundaries!

Here it is, my first Walking Dead fanfiction and the first fic I've written or published in over 8 years. Feel free to leave comments, criticism, requests, and anything else! Hopefully, yall enjoy!

3 hours and 27 minutes.

That’s how long Daryl had been searching for you. How long you’ve been missing, since you’ve been taken.

It was supposed to be a normal run, calm even. A few days ago, the two of you found a seemingly untouched bookstore 30 minutes from the prison. You wanted to go in, practically begged Daryl to stop. To your immense disappointment, he refused.

“Daryl, please!” You pouted from the passenger seat of the truck.

He could hear the whine in your voice and focused his attention on the road. If he looked over and saw your full lips in a frown, he would give right there. He would do anything for you, and you knew it. This trick has worked on him since the early days of the quarry since you walked up to him and asked him to watch over you while you cleaned off in the water. He didn’t know you, hell, he could hardly stand you or anybody else, but he risked a glance up at your face. Your pretty eyes locked with his for just a moment, but that was all it took. He was yours for good.

“Nah, ain’t cleared. ‘Sides, don’t have enough room as is.” His rough voice answered, doing his best to keep his composure. He didn’t like telling you no. The truck was full of supplies, food and the like, for your group as well as the newcomers from Woodbury. You couldn’t fit goods from the bookstore.

He could feel the disappointment radiating from your side of the truck. He wouldn’t give in, not this time. But-

“We can come back later. Busy with Rick the next few days, but I’ll bring ya back.”

A cheer rang out. “Yes! You promise?” He fought to keep a grin off his face and nodded his affirmation. He glanced your way and saw the brightest smile on your face.

You excitedly began planning what you would grab, talking about all the books you could bring back for the children, for Carol, for yourself. Daryl didn’t recognize most of the titles and certainly none of the authors, but that didn’t matter. He would do anything for you, just to see that beautiful smile.

That was three days ago. Now, instead of gushing over your books, you were missing. Daryl doesn’t know how they knew you were coming, but not long after your arrival at the shopping center that housed the bookstore, you were both attacked.

Daryl somehow convinced you to stay in the truck while he cleared the stores of either side of your target. If anything went wrong in the main store, you could retreat through the connected alleyway and escape through one of these. The stores were clear of both people and walkers. Thinking back, he should’ve known better. If he wasn’t so wrapped up in the image of you waiting for him, maybe he would’ve been suspicious. Maybe he would have used his fucking brain.

Instead of doing his damn job and making sure you were safe, they got the jump on him. Daryl turned a corner on his way back to you and took a mean punch in the face. He stumbled back and tried to fire his crossbow at the attacker, but he was disarmed by another man. He took hit after hit, doing his best to fight back and hoping to God they didn’t see you outside. He was on the ground taking boots to the ribs and punches to the face when he heard your voice. No.

“Daryl?” You weren’t in the store yet, but you would be in no time. The hits lightened up at the sound and something akin to fear and desperation made him call out to you. He couldn’t risk you walking in and not knowing what awaited you. He wouldn’t be able to help you if he tried.

“Y/N, go! Get out-” He was cut off by a hard hit with the butt of a gun. The world spun and Daryl couldn’t see past the kaleidoscope of pain.

Despite his warning, you skidded to a stop in the doorway, taking in the scene in front of you.

“Well, hello there, gorgeous. Y/N, is it? Aren’t you a pretty thing. Name’s Robert.” A voice from above spoke and he vowed to cut the man’s tongue from his throat. He could hear the threat. You needed to get out of here before they hurt you or worse.

“Ya touch her and I swear to God...” Daryl growled. He was going to skin this man alive. He would cut his fingers off and feed them to him. Him and his buddies were going to wish they never spoke to you.

“God?” Robert huffs. “What are you and God gonna do? Huh?” He sauntered over to you. For every step the man took towards you, you retreated until you hit the wall. Daryl didn’t know why the hell you didn’t just run when he told you to. He wasn’t worth risking your life over.

When you were backed into a corner, Robert grinned. The fear on your face was exactly what that asshole wanted. He laid a hand against your throat and caressed your chin with his thumb. If Daryl could stand, he wouldn’t have no hand.

“W-what do you want?” Your eyes flicked back and forth from the threat in front of you to Daryl’s bloody form on the ground. He could see the anger and fear on your face and was furious at himself for getting the two of you into this position. If he just paid attention…

“I want to take that mouth of yours out for a test run, but I have a feeling you like to bite.”

Fuck this. Daryl lashed out at the closest person, and they dropped to one knee. Before anyone could react, he hauled himself up and kicked the same spot and was rewarded with a sickening crunch. Despite the burning in his ribs and chest, he spun around and delivered a right cross to the next man. He dropped and Daryl stalked towards you but was stopped in his tracks by the tell-tale click of a safety releasing.

“Take another step and I’ll blow her little brains all over the wall. Don’t think I won’t just because she’s a nice piece of ass.” The gun was pressed firmly against your forehead leaving no room to disarm him. The first tear rolled down your cheek as your chin quivered. Without looking away from Daryl, Robert leaned forward and slowly licked it off your face. You whimpered and tried to withdraw. The sound broke something in him, he would do anything to never have to hear you sound so helpless again.

“Now you are going to sit your ass down and behave. Don’t make me hurt her.” Daryl wanted nothing more than to bash the fucker’s face in, but he couldn’t risk any more pain coming to you.

Shaking from the restraint, he forced himself backwards. One of the men grabbed him and shoved him onto his knees. He leaned in and locked eyes with Daryl.

“You broke my friend’s leg. Either you or the girl has to pay for that.” His rank breath invaded Daryl’s space and he glared daggers at him. His breath came out in huffs as he tried to keep his rage under control. The constant threats weren’t helping him restrain himself.

Daryl jerkily nodded. “Take it from me. Just leave her ‘lone.” He heard you cry out and instinctively broke eye contact to search for you. You were in the same spot, not having moved an inch. You looked devastated and he found it hard to keep eye contact with you, knowing he couldn’t help.

Tears continued to roll down your face as you sobbed. “Don’t- Don’t hurt him. Just let him go. Let him go and I’ll come with y’all.” What the hell were you thinking? He wasn’t going to let them take you anywhere. They could take their anger out on him, but they couldn’t have you. He was about to voice these thoughts before Robert spoke up.

“How about we hurt him and take you anyway?” He grinned maliciously, looking between the two of you. He was enjoying this display of emotion, and it made Daryl sick to his stomach.

His minions wasted no time and took Daryl for round 2 of his beatdown. He didn’t try to fight back; he kept his eyes locked on you. You would be okay. The longer they focused on him, the more chance for you to get away.

You could protect yourself if he couldn’t, he had made sure of that. Back at the farm, when Shane was becoming a threat to everyone, he taught you everything he knew. He was terrified you would be alone with him and in danger, so he taught you how to defend yourself.

He hated seeing the tears glistening in your eyes, hated being the cause of them, but if you were crying then you were alive. That’s all that mattered.

Daryl’s vision was getting hazy. He knew that if he went unconscious you would be alone and in danger, but he couldn’t stop it. He was sure he heard you calling his name before everything faded to black.

Daryl wasn’t sure how long he was unconscious for. His wounds stung, and the busted skin from the boots was bleeding steadily, so it couldn’t have been long. The blood on the floor was still wet.

The first thing he noticed was the silence. His hearing was sharp from years of hunting experience, and he knew there was nothing, undead or alive, in the store.

Where the hell were you?

He managed to get himself off the ground and ignored the immense pain he was in. It hurt like a bitch, but he would live. Blood and cracked ribs hadn’t stopped him before and it certainly wouldn’t now, not without knowing you were safe.

Robert and his men took Daryl’s crossbow but not his knives. While this put him at a disadvantage, he relished the idea of looking into their eyes while he gutted them. You were his.

He found your hunting knife not far from where you last stood. They must have forced you to disarm. If they were smart, which they clearly weren’t, he grumbled, then they would have patted you down. They didn’t see you as the threat you could be and so they were unaware of the second knife in your possession.

Something flared in his chest as he realized that it was his knife you were armed with. You took it some weeks ago and never gave it back. To be honest, watching you use it to kill walkers and train made his heart light up. At least he was with you in some capacity.

Daryl followed the disturbances on the ground. The parking lot was covered in dirt and leaves, so he could get an idea of which direction they went. There were two possible paths: the road or the woods. And because these dicks didn’t know who they fucked with; they went with the latter. Stupid sons of bitches. They walked right into his domain.

Y/N’s POV

Oh, these bastards are gonna pay.

The leader, Robert, had a hand wrapped around my waist. He was leading me into the woods and away from the shopping center. The creep’s hand kept wandering to my ass and I fought the urge to stab him in the throat now. I would get the pleasure of killing him but the other two would be able to subdue me quickly. It was better to wait.

“Still thinking about your archer? I’m sure he’s dead by now. Left the doors open for our rotting buddies to get a free meal.” His hand squeezed around my waist. I was sick of him touching me.

“Fuck you, you rapey asshole.” I spat. The only reason I was so meek in the store was in the hopes that it could help Daryl. Now he’s back there hurt while we are parading through the woods. No reason to keep my attitude in check now.

Robert’s hand disappeared from my side and a resounding smack filled the air as he backhanded me. I nearly fell to the ground, stumbling from the force, but he yanked me upright and slammed me into a tree.

“You’ll learn to watch your mouth, girl. Keep that attitude in check or I’ll have to show you something better to do with it.” He leaned in and took a deep breath, his nose tracing the skin of my shoulder up to my pulse point. I shuddered and did my best to not physically rebel. Handsy, I could handle. I didn’t want to see what would happen if I gave them a reason to go any further.

A rustling in the trees drew everyone’s attention and thankfully, Robert away from me. Daryl?

It was not my archer; it was a small herd of walkers. From my spot against the tree, I was the farthest away and had a front row seat. I watched as one of the walkers attacked the dude with the broken leg. He struggled with it for a minute but lost as his leg crumpled under his weight and a chunk of flesh was ripped from his throat.

The man screamed and screamed as his friends fought the others off. I couldn’t help feeling a sick sense of satisfaction and retribution as I watched him slowly die. Daryl breaking that man’s leg just sentenced him to death and helped even the odds. Even when he wasn’t here, he was protecting me.

Robert was using Daryl’s crossbow. His filthy hands were touching Daryl’s crossbow. I almost saw red at the disrespect he was displaying. Despite the dick’s handle on Daryl’s prized possession, I needed to focus on getting away.

I could run while they’re distracted… Unfortunately, Robert and his remaining friend managed to gain the upper hand against the herd before I had time to make my move. The one unnamed guy yanked me up by arm and dragged me towards Robert, who was staring down at his dead friend.

“What a shame. Nick was a good man.” Yeah, right. “He was slowing us down. Saved me the bullet.” He said impassively.

Oh shit. If he only cared about his friend in terms of how he could help or hinder, things could be worse for me than I thought. I needed to get out of here, and soon. As his buddy forced me past Nick’s body, I stumbled and fell to the ground. Blood coated my hands and knees.

“Goddamnit, girl. You that fuckin’ slow?” He seethed in my ear as he dragged me up from the ground.

“Now now, there’s no reason to get mad. Y/N’s just in shock. Never seen someone die by a geek?” Robert asked in his condescending tone. Of course, he thought I was a helpless girl, protected and sheltered from what life is now. Why not give him more reason to doubt my abilities?

“I, uh. Y-yeah. I knew it happened but I’ve never…” My voice wavered. I really needed to sell this. I thought about Daryl, how he was bloody and unmoving on the floor as they dragged me out. He could be dead and not just hurt. Tears sprang in my eyes and I sniffled.

“Well, we’ll keep you safe gorgeous.” Robert moved to take his friend’s place at my side, sending him to walk ahead of us. We edged around the puddle of blood and continued forward.

He didn’t notice me leaving a bloody handprint on the nearest tree.

Daryl’s POV

It wasn’t a hard trail to follow. Robert’s men took large, heavy steps through the foliage. To his relief, Daryl found evidence that you were still walking on your own. Smaller tracks, but not nearly as light as they could be. You weren’t trying to be careful. It was clear that you resisted at first, but someone must’ve forced you forwards, either by gunpoint or otherwise. He hoped it was the latter. Either way, he would find you soon enough.

Daryl followed as quickly and silently as he could. There were little to no walkers for much of the trek. The ones he did encounter, he dispatched quietly. He didn’t want to risk alerting the group of men that he was close behind. After some time, he began to see signs of a scuffle.

What happened here?

Scanning the ground, it was clear to Daryl that you were shoved. The set of feet that were by your side, too close to your side for his liking, stayed in one spot while yours dragged backwards.

The son of a bitch had put his hands on her. If he hurt you… The men were already going to die for taking you, but Daryl could drag it out. No need to make it clean and quick.

He looked at the scene ahead of the tree. Blood, walkers, and a dead body. Daryl’s heart stopped in his chest. He took out the few walkers that were feasting on the body, adding to the pile of corpses already laying in the dirt. He slowly approached the bloody form. His heartbeat in his throat so hard he thought he would choke on it. God, please don’t let it be her, don’t let it be Y/N.

Daryl forced himself to investigate the face of the body on the ground and thought he would cry in relief. It wasn’t you. No, it was one of the men from the stores. The one who’s leg he broke.

A violent grin pulled at the edges of his lips. One down, two to go. Daryl could take two people in a fight. The element of surprise would be on his side if he stayed undetected, a skill he’d perfected.

Standing back up, Daryl looked for a new set of tracks. There were no obvious trails, the walkers would have mucked them up, but there was an odd smear in the blood. Someone had disturbed the pool. Daryl lightly touched the liquid. It was still warm, he couldn’t be more than 5 or 10 minutes behind you now.

He scanned the immediate area and found a mark. It was a bloody handprint, deliberately pressed. Daryl’s fingers ghosted across the stain and a genuine smile crossed his face. My clever girl.

Y/N’s POV

Night fell and Robert stopped to set up a small fire. I left bloody marks on as many trees as possible. If Daryl is out there, he has a path almost all the way to me. If he’s even alive.

“Y/N. Can’t be over there by yourself, sweetheart. Come sit with me.” Robert looked up at me and he eyes shined with something I didn’t want to name. I hesitated. I didn’t want to leave my spot by the tree line. I felt relatively safe over here, where neither of the men could grab me.

“Girl don’t make me ask again. Over here. Now.” I knew I needed to move towards the fire, but my feet wouldn’t shift from their spot. I was pissing them both off, risking a beating or worse with no possible backup. If Daryl were here, he’d be furious.

But that’s it. Daryl isn’t here. It’s me and two violent, unstable men. I started to turn towards into the shadows, but Robert was by my side in a flash. His hand wound itself into my hair and pulled savagely.

I yelped as he dragged me towards the fire by my hair. My scalp was stinging, and no amount of fighting would get him to let up. I wasn’t in a position to force his release, my feet scrambling in the dirt as I fought to pull myself up. I was thrown fully down, and his hand was no longer in my hair.

The split second of relief was gone in a flash as he kicked me in the ribs. I let out a short scream before my breath was knocked from my chest as he kicked again once, twice, three times. They burned more than they should. Steel-toed boots.

“You fucking bitch, I told you to listen to me. Now I gotta punish you because you can’t be good.” Robert crouched by my side as I fought to catch my breath past the burning ache. The other man hovered by my opposite side, effectively blocking me in. Now I’d antagonized both men and lost my chance to get away.

My heart froze in my chest as I heard the clink of a belt buckle. No, no, no. I fought with renewed vigor, trying to shove myself past the men and into the safety of the trees. I only made it a few steps before a hand seized my ankle and I hit the ground. My ribs lit up with pain and I could barely see past the stars in my eyes as I was dragged backwards and flipped up to face Robert. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

“I like it when you fight. What if I let you go, give you a two-minute head start? Chasing you through the woods would get me so hot.” He groped at me through my shirt and grabbed my chin, forcing me into a rough kiss. There was no way for me to reach Daryl’s knife in my boot, so I did the only thing I could. I bit into his lip and tore it off his face.

Blood rushed onto my face as he let out a hoarse scream and fell backwards. His eyes were wide and stunned.

“Thought you said you could tell I liked to bite.” I stood up and pulled my knife from its hiding spot. His friend grabbed me and punched me hard in the side of the face. I hit the ground and waited. He leaned over my body, looking at me like a bug to be squashed. Just a little closer, asshole.

“I’m going to hurt you, you little-” His threat was cut off with a wet gurgle as I plunged the blade into his throat. I managed to flip around and gain the upper hand, twisting and yanking the blade out. I was absolutely soaked in blood, barely able to see past it, and Robert was getting up.

Fuck. I hesitated for a split second, torn between running and turning around and gutting Robert. He grabbed the crossbow, which was already loaded from our last encounter. As he picked it up, I spun around and bolted for the trees. I make it into the woods, but not before I hear a low whistle, and something hits me in the left side.

I can’t afford to stop and check. I keep running into the woods back the way we came, praying that I can get far enough away before the adrenaline wears off and I start to feel the object stuck in my side. One of Daryl’s bolts. Branches were whipping across my arms and face, leaving stinging marks. My face and ribs throbbed. But I can’t stop.

My breathing ratcheted up and my heart fluttered like a butterfly. I wasn’t watching my feet and I tripped over a root, breaking my fall into someone’s chest.

Daryl’s POV

Although Daryl could track the steps made by the men, your map of blood ensured he was going the right way. He could feel himself getting closer and his body tensing up for the fight. They would have to kill him to keep you.

A high-pitched scream rang through the trees, quickly cut off. Y/N. Daryl would recognize your voice anywhere.

His heart begged him to pick up the pace and run to help you. You sounded terrified. He forced himself to not outright run, he didn’t want to risk you by charging into the area half-cocked and knowing nothing.

Not long after your scream, a second yell was heard. That was clearly a man, one in pain. Daryl abandoned his plan and began to speed towards the sounds. If both you and a man screamed, you could be getting attacked by walkers. Or another group. Or-

Stop it. Fuckin’ quit. He couldn’t play these scenarios out and stay aware of his surroundings. He had to focus on the present and getting you out of there.

A branch snapped a little to his right and Daryl froze. Something, no someone, was coming his way and it wasn’t trying to be quiet. Whoever it was, they were running for their life.

He slid his two knives from their holsters and brought his hands into a defensive position. There. He can see them now. They were short and feminine. Is that-

You had no idea he was right in front of you. He didn’t have time to call out before you stumbled fell right into his chest.

Daryl’s arm instinctively wrapped around you to break your fall. His chest ached by the force of your impact, but it didn’t matter. It was you.

You fought against his chest, screaming and hitting, trying to break free. A small grunt sounded from the body in front of you.

“Please! Please, let me go, let me-” Your voice cracked as it strained under the stress. Tears ran down your face as you struggled uselessly. Daryl wasn’t letting you go for anything, never again.

“Y/N? Y/N, baby, it’s me. It’s me.” Your struggles died down as your body put a name to the voice, your brain slower to catch up. Whiskey, gasoline, grease. Blood. Ocean-blue eyes.

“D-Daryl?” Your voice sounded so small; he could tell you were scared out of your mind and slow to process. Something terrified you.

He tightened his grip on you and swayed you back and forth. “Yeah Y/N. It’s me.”

A sob wracked through your body. It’s him. He’s okay, he’s alive. The tension drained out of you as you sank into his hold. Your knees gave out and he supported your fall, resting you both on the soft leaves coating the ground.

“He- he tried to-” You couldn’t get the sentence out, but you knew he understood. He always did.

He held you as you cried into his neck. Daryl pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head and breathed deeply, needing to ground himself. You smelled the same; cocoa, vanilla, alcohol and something all your own. Blood singed his nose and shocked him back into reality.

He pulled away from the grasp to get a look at your face. You whined and tried to burrow back into him, but he held you by the shoulders. He needed to make sure you weren’t hurt.

“’S okay, just checking ya ain’t hurt. ‘S okay.” It was not okay. Your face was soaked with blood, some of it yours and some of it from the others. There were cuts across your cheeks still weeping blood and a nasty bruise crawling up the right side of your face. Some of the blood was even in your hair. Your shirt was ripped at the collar, exposing (thankfully) bite-less skin, and you had an arm wrapped around your waist as if holding yourself together. His breath stopped at he looked at your torso.

“Y/N.” His voice was quiet and tense, his accent making a more obvious appearance. “The hell ya got a bolt in your side for?”

Oh. That. “He got me when I was gettin’ away, he has your bow. Asshole…” You cursed. Now that you were safe, you could really feel everything. Your eyes started to close. You were exhausted from fighting for your life and he felt like a horrible person for forcing you to stay awake.

“Y/N, darlin’. Need ya awake. Can’t sleep yet.” He lightly patted the non-bruised cheek, making your eyes flutter open. You didn’t look as if you were entirely there. If Daryl had to guess, it was a combination of exhaustion, blood loss, and dissociation.

His blood boiled as he thought about the men who did this to you. He was going to fucking kill them. But he had to patch you up first. He wouldn’t, couldn’t let you out of his sight, not even when he dealt with those men. He thought he would go insane if he couldn’t see or feel you by his side.

Looking down at you, he knew there wasn’t much he could do to help at the moment. He had to keep the arrow in your side until you were back at the prison with Hershel. He quickly stripped his vest and his flannel off. He reached for your waist, but you flinched, and he immediately quit moving. Daryl felt guilty but he took a deep breath. Those assholes tried to force you and you were traumatized. They were the problem, not him.

“’M gonna tie this ‘round your waist, keep tha bolt from movin’. Need ta keep it in so ya don’t bleed out, okay?” His voice was gentle as he waited for your response.

“Mhm. I know you won’ hurt me.” Your words were a bit slurred as you looked up at him. That wasn’t a good sign. You’d lost more blood than he first expected.

As gently as he possibly could, Daryl pulled the flannel around your waist and tight enough to act as a torniquet. You yelped in pain and he wanted to kick himself for hurting you more. No, he wanted to kick those dipshits-

“I got a few more questions, darlin’. Y/N, where are they?” His hands rubbed up and down your arms to keep you awake and to comfort you. Daryl wanted to know where their campsite was. He had a visit to make.

You pointed behind you. “It’s that way, not too far. Only one left’s Robert. Ooh I bet he’s mad.” A tired giggle left your lips. The situation was far from funny, but you couldn’t help it.

“Why’s he mad? Wha’ happened to the other one? Saw the first a’ready.” One hand left your arm and gently rested on your cheek.

You hummed and leaned into Daryl’s touch. “I bit his lip off. He was trying to-. Anyway, the other one’s dead. Got ‘em right here with your knife.” You tapped his jugular softly.

He didn’t know just how proud of you he could be until that moment. He had let you down in the store, but you managed to protect yourself from the worst of it. He didn’t want to think about what might’ve happened if you hadn’t fought back.

“That’s ma girl. I love ya so much.” You looked up and were rewarded with those pretty blue eyes looking back into yours with adoration. You wanted to stay here with him forever, but you knew the situation was time sensitive.

“Let’s go, the camp’s thatta way.” You tried to haul yourself up and almost hit the ground hard. Daryl quickly wrapped an arm around you and supported most of your weight, doing his best to not provoke the bolt still in your side.

The camp wasn’t far at all. Daryl was so close to you, and you had no idea. It would’ve have been a matter of minutes if you hadn’t made your move. But those minutes would have been filled with pain. You were happy he didn’t have to see you like that.

Daryl’s eyes flicked over the dead man’s body and latched onto the sight of Robert with his back to you both. Daryl set you down gently and lifted a finger to his lips in a silent request. You nodded and he crept towards the man at the edge of camp.

Once behind Robert, he purposefully made a noise. Robert spun around and Daryl was lightning fast, nailing him in the face. Robert hit the ground and Daryl was quick to follow. He threw punch after punch, soaking his hands in blood. His ribs burned like hell, but his rage burned brighter.

He pulled back and allowed a moment of reprieve for the time it took to grab one of his knives. Daryl buried the hilt into the man’s shoulder, effectively pinning him. Robert shrieked in pain.

You hated to see the effect this entire day had on Daryl, but you couldn’t help but delight in the attacker’s pain. You wanted to see him bloody and dying. That’s the least he could expect for the damage he caused.

“Promised myself I’d do this when ya’ first laid a hand on her.” Daryl gripped the man’s hand and brutally chopped a finger off. The screams were both nauseating and rewarding. He went on to the next, then the next. Soon the man was left with 6 fingers.

“Shoulda never touched her. Warned ya’, didn’t I?” He grinned animalistically. You’d never seen Daryl so furious, so dangerous. It sparked the smallest amount of fear before you chided yourself. He would never hurt you. These men were asking for it.

“Please, God, please- “Robert begged. He would bleed out soon, but not soon enough to spare himself more pain.

Daryl shook his head. “What’re you and God gonna do?” He mocked. “Nah, ain’t no God out here. Just me and you.”

Something dark curled up in your chest. The lengths this man was willing to go for you…

When Daryl was done, he slit Robert’s throat and watched as he bled out in the dirt. His eyes eventually went dull, and Daryl extracted his blade from his shoulder and wiped them both harshly on the man’s body. He wouldn’t even spare the man from the transformation. No, he could walk the Earth and feast on people. Daryl hoped that there was a part of him alive in there, despite what Jenner said all those months ago.

You watched as Daryl approached and knelt beside you. His hand was pressed to his ribs, which were likely broken. He’d almost forgotten the beating he took. He looked over your body and locked eyes with you.

“Hi, darlin. Are ya ready to go home?”

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #twd daryl #walking dead #twd #twd fic #twd fanfiction #twd x reader #daryl fanfiction #norman reedus #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #daryl x you #ooc?#ooc Daryl Dixon #reedus riders #dix0nspretty fics

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wbbgetsmewetter · 26 days ago

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PARTY 4 U

SYNOPSIS: i was hoping you would come through, i only threw this party 4 u

NOTES: wrote this on a whim right after the draft and was too scared to post it at the time and also took a break from tumblr. but HEYYY look i am back 😛

WARNINGS: rejection?, unrequited love

“no! no, that needs to be on the other side of the room,” you ordered the crowd, already feeling the weight of frustration settling in as you realised you were technically running late.

you had sacrificed the chance to be with paige as she got drafted, prioritizing her draft party above all else. yet, here you were, stuck in the eye of a chaotic storm. the decorators you hired seemed utterly lost, the caterers were chronically late, the lighting remained stubbornly dim, and the dj was spinning tracks that felt entirely out of place. as one of the servers passed by with a tray full of tequila shots, you seized two, knowing that if you didn’t relax in the next five minutes, you might just implode.

those two shots quickly multiplied, and you lost count after seven. while the tequila may have been a temporary relief, the venue was finally beginning to take shape. the energy started to shift as the music syncopated with the burgeoning excitement around you. then, a voice cut through the chatter, announcing that the draft was about to begin. everyone clustered around the projector, brimming with anticipation for cathy to deliver the news we all already knew.

“with the first round pick in the 2025 wnba draft, the dallas wings select: paige bueckers, university of connecticut.”

the crowd erupted into a cacophony of cheers, people jumping up and down, embracing one another. you stood frozen, tears welling in your eyes, as the camera followed paige’s every move. the first person she hugged was azzi, and you couldn’t shake the pang of longing—you wished that was you. stephanie, the event coordinator, broke your spell by enveloping you in a tight hug, her enthusiasm ringing in your ear. you managed a smile before quickly excusing yourself to the bathroom.

locking the door behind you, you leaned against it, chest heaving as emotions surged. a scream erupted from deep within you, fueled by the overwhelming sense of disappointment. you were supposed to be there, right alongside her—supporting her every step, not organizing this chaotic event filled with people who barely listened to you. your hair was a tangled mess, your makeup nonexistent, and let’s not even get started on your outfit, which resembled pajamas more than anything party-worthy.

you had no idea how much time slipped away while you cried in that bathroom, completely losing track of everything until stephanie's concerned knocking broke through your haze. you hastily wiped away your tears, attempting to restore some semblance of composure before finally opening the door with a facade of a bright smile.

an hour passed in a blur, and the final touches of the setup were underway. you stood back, admiring the fruits of your labor, hoping paige would appreciate your vision as much as you did. stephanie sidled up next to you, her face aglow with excitement. “doesn’t it just look amazing?” she gushed. you nodded in silence, captivated by your handiwork.

“shouldn’t you... go get ready?” she suggested, her gaze shifting toward the clock. “paige is doing pressers right now and could be here any minute.”

your heart sank at her words; you had completely lost track of time. only an hour and a half left to dash to the hotel, get ready, and return before the guest of honor arrived.

you rushed out of the room, frantically dialing the designated driver for the week. the ride to the hotel felt agonizingly long as you remained on the phone with brittany, hoping she had set aside your outfit and that people were still available to work on your hair and makeup.

when the seemingly endless ride finally came to a halt as the driver pulled up to the hotel entrance, you rushed out, grabbing your belongings with urgency, making sure you had your phone and key card at the ready. standing impatiently in front of the elevator, the only thought racing through your mind was how you were going to juggle hair, makeup, and wardrobe simultaneously while still leaving the room looking absolutely stunning.

once you stepped into the hotel room, chaos greeted you. dresses lay strewn across the floor, accessories cluttered every available surface, and polaroids were scattered across the bed. most of the photos featured paige and azzi, with a few others including their teammates. a wave of jealousy washed over you as you picked up one of the pictures; it captured an intimate moment between them, their hands tangled together in a way that felt far too familiar.

“great! you’re here! what are you doing just standing there? come on, we don’t have much time!” the makeup artist called out from the bathroom, snapping you out of your daze. you stumbled your way across the room, tripping over the mess in your path.

after what felt like an eternity, you were finally ready. your outfit was a dazzling blend of what both paige and azzi had chosen—a fitted white mini dress adorned with shimmering rhinestones and a plunging neckline that highlighted your features. your hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail, giving you a polished appearance. a deep sigh of relief escaped your lips as you took in your reflection, feeling a surge of confidence. the bedazzled watch on your wrist sparkled as you glanced at the time, only to be interrupted by a notification on your phone. it was brittany, asking where you were; everyone was already at the draft party, and you were missing in action.

panic quickly set in again as you fumbled to secure your strappy heels while making your way out the door, racing down to the lobby and then back downstairs.

luckily, this time the car was waiting for you instead of the other way around. just when you thought things were finally going your way, traffic hit like a wall, leaving you stuck in the never-ending congestion of new york while your friends reveled in the festivities you had painstakingly planned.

helplessly, you sat in the car, scrolling through everyone’s instagram and snapchat stories from the event. azzi had sent you a couple of messages, including voice notes filled with concern for your whereabouts. that made you feel even worse; you had spent the entire day harboring resentment toward her, all while she genuinely wished for you to be beside her and the others, celebrating paige’s momentous achievement.

tears began to well in your eyes, so you set your phone aside and focused on the ceiling of the car, hoping your eyes would absorb the excess moisture. after what felt like an eternity, the cadillac finally pulled into the parking lot of the venue you had rented out for the evening. yet excitement eluded you; this day had only left a trail of disappointments in its wake. still, you managed to muster a smile, determined to put on a brave face.

you finally made it inside, the music blasting through the speakers a physical force propelling people into a frenzy of bouncing bodies. you desperately scanned the crowd, searching for paige. the last time you'd seen her was this morning, when the world had barely started turning and neither of you were functioning properly. but she was nowhere to be found.

after a while, you gave up the search and decided to surrender. letting yourself go, you joined kk, ice, and morgan on the dance floor. their moves were a chaotic blur of energy, a reckless dance-off you knew would result in cringe-worthy social media posts tomorrow morning. but that was a concern for hangover you; tonight you were going to let loose. more shots kept coming, and at some point you had settled into a booth, your usual type A, responsible personality had vanished as you giggled at every word you heard. soon, the shots and cocktails caught up to you, and you felt the urge to pee. you excused yourself to the bathroom.

as you carefully studied your steps, hoping not to trip and faceplant, you spotted her. or rather, them. paige and azzi were snuggled up in a corner, their hands all over each other. they too had blurred out the crowd the couple seemingly in their own world.

your heart skipped a beat as you stood frozen, the noise of the prty fading into a hollow echo.

paige’s laughter rang out, bright and infectious as azzi whispered something into her ear. the way they leaned into each other, sharing secrets and inside jokes, made the jealousy rise like a bitter tide in your throat. you felt the familiar ache of longing, overwhelmed by the knowledge that you were just a spectator to their little bubble.

you blinked back the sting in your eyes, forcing a breath past the lump lodged in your throat. everything inside you screamed to look away, to retreat into the safety of ignorance. but your body betrayed you, keeping you rooted in place, caught in the rawness of it all.

the change in songs snapped you out of your daze.

this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

you threw this party for her.

the heavy bass melted into a glittering, synthy beat as the next song bled through the speakers.

“only threw this party for you…”

your head snapped to the dj booth instinctively, recognizing the opening notes of party 4 u — the very song you had requested weeks ago for this exact moment. it was supposed to play when paige arrived, when you would have wrapped her up in a hug and whispered congratulations into her ear, hearts beating in tandem under the soft pulse of the lights.

instead, you stood alone at the edge of the dance floor, clutching your drink like a lifeline, your heart aching so loudly it drowned out the music.

“i was hopin' you'd come through…”

your body swayed, but it wasn't dancing — it was the tequila, the exhaustion, the sheer weight of the night tilting the room. you laughed bitterly under your breath, blinking up at the strobe lights like they might burn the sadness right out of you.

around you, the crowd twisted and spun in slow motion, their faces blurring into streaks of neon and glitter.

“i just wanted you to show up…”

your vision snagged on a familiar blonde head weaving through the bodies. paige.

she was searching. eyes darting, scanning — frantic in a way you hadn’t expected.

for a second, your heart lifted, naive and desperate. but then you saw azzi trailing behind her, hand brushing lightly at the small of her back, guiding her through the crowd.

whatever fragile hope you had splintered in two.

you turned before she could spot you, slipping past a group of people taking selfies, ignoring the way your head spun from the sudden movement. you pushed open the door to the balcony, gulping down the cold, crisp air like it might erase the taste of regret on your tongue.

the night outside was quieter, but not enough to drown out the music seeping through the walls. you leaned heavily against the railing, head bowed, letting the tears drip onto your dress, unnoticed under the low, purple glow of the city lights.

inside, party 4 u played on, the beat shimmering like shattered glass.

and for the first time that night, you allowed yourself to admit it: this party wasn’t really for paige. it was for you. for the part of you that still believed there was an us to celebrate.

k. bye - tini

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gatorbites-imagines · 9 months ago

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Kinktober day 15

Naruto Uzumaki + First time

I have never finished Naruto, and I haven’t watched a single episode of boruto. Take this as like, only vaguely placed somewhere in canon, post the war.

Reader is an Aburame, since I am so fascinated by their insects. So… warning for insects inside the body for the reader. I love Shino a lot, so its also because of that.

2024 kinktober masterlist

Naruto had a hard time remembering when you two even started dating. He was friends with Shino, yeah, but you weren’t even from the main family, instead you were just Shinos cousin. He brought you along on missions, and you helped during the war because of your extreme skill, and the mutation in your bugs. You spoke even less than Shino did, but the mutation in your beetles made you feel almost pleasant to be around for someone with as much chakra as Naruto.

Most of the time, Naruto did all the talking, with you just standing or sitting near him, nodding along whenever the conversation called for it. You wore shades like the rest of your family, and a long coat, with a hood and a high collar, barely leaving a sliver of skin visible. This was also why Naruto got so excited the first time you went without your coat around him.

It took him way too long to realize he had feelings, but it had started early enough that it just didn’t feel right marrying Hinata or stringing her along. At the time Naruto had no idea why he felt what he did, but he was an honest guy, so it felt wrong to keep doing that to her.

For you it also took an embarrassingly long time. You picked up his scent of arousal or animalistic interest, yeah, but to you that didn’t register in your brain as something that meant anything. It was a normal human function, so there was no need to act.

The insects inside your body had picked up on it far before either of you did, multiple of them regularly leaving your body to hang around Naruto. It wasn’t even just to feed on his powerful chakra that they had come to love, but just to be around him. They had lived inside you since you were a baby, so it was no shock that they evolved to have the same taste as you at least.

Shino had also started glancing at you, along with the rest of the clan after a while. They didn’t need their heightened senses to feel Narutos powerful chakra left on you, or to pick up the strong scent of the blonde since you two would cuddle “as friends”. You knew it had to be bad when your clan of all people started trying to have a conversation with you about it, which you perfectly ignored and avoided.

Unknown to you or Naruto, bets started hanging in the air in your friend group. How could it not, when it was so obvious you two had some kind of thing for the other. Though, it was so much easier to see on Naruto, since you were even harder to read than most of your clan.

In the end, your shared friend group, though they were more Narutos than yours, had to put together a plan to get you two partnered up. They couldn’t put up with Narutos sighing and gushing anymore, and your clan was starting to grow antsy with how much your colony just seemed to grow because of your welling feelings. And, nobody else would be able to tell, but they were also growing tired of your pining.

Them sending you two off to a bathhouse together was kinda dumb. It was supposed to be some “information gathering mission” just the two of you, but in reality, it was just an excuse to shove you two together in a hotel room. The attached bathhouse immediately had Narutos attention, who dragged you along, since there were private baths.

Like most Aburame, you felt uncomfortable with your body. You were covered almost from head to toe in scars, and not just from battles, but from the colony of insects buzzing inside your body. That was also another reason you didn’t go to bathhouses a lot, you didn’t want to drown your colony. There was a familiar feeling of them closing up pathways as you got into the steamy room though, so it was probably fine.

Of course, your shares were still on as you two washed down to get ready for the hot pool of water, you oblivious to the fact that the flush on Narutos face was from more than just the heat. You weren’t much better, of course. How could you, when Naruto was completely naked beside you, not caring to close his legs or anything as you washed soap off your bodies. So, when you were sure he wasn’t looking, you let your eyes wander, just a little.

Neither of you wrapped a towel back around your hips before walking to the pool, Naruto sighing loudly as you both got in. it was nice, even if you could feel the insects inside your body scuttling deeper and bunching up somewhere inside your chest to get as far away from the water as possible.

Naruto was rambling like always, looking more handsome than usual, if that was even possible. Talking about the mission, what he was gonna do when you guys got back to the village, whatever gossip he had heard, so on and so forth. His lips were so inviting and flush, like he had been chewing at them without much thought.

You had no idea what compelled you to lean over and place a soft careful peck on his lips. You had no experience, people didn’t typically line up to sleep with the guy filled with bugs, did they. It helped that you knew Naruto didn’t have any either, outside of some kisses with Hinata, but they’d never gone anywhere below the belt.

Naruto just stared at you with wide blinking eyes, speechless for once as he seemed to struggle understanding what had just happened. “I… apologize. That was… rude of me” you mumble out, your voice raspy from disuse and the fact that beetles had carved pathways through your throat a while ago. You were almost able to climb out of the pool, shame curling in your gut, but you found yourself falling back into the water with a loud splash as Naruto lunged, dragging you back down.

“I- don’t leave! I-I liked it!” Naruto cried out, voice cracking as he almost scrambled into your lap to straddle you, his blue eyes boring into your through your shades, which miraculously stayed on somehow. “I want… lets do it again” the blonde exhaled loudly, grabbing your face and mashing his lips against yours with as little experience as you had kissed him before.

Your hands buzzed as they rose to lay on his hips, and it wasn’t from the beetles for once, but instead nerves and excitement. The kiss wasn’t much of a kiss, it was more just mashing lips and tongues together, teeth clacking and biting one another on accident. Naruto had very sharp canines, causing minor cuts when you pushed your tongue against them. You could feel the colony inside you buzzing, suddenly very interested in tasting Narutos blood, but you kept them down with chakra. No need to freak Naruto out like that.

As your lips parted, your shades were crooked, both your hair messy and a string of spit hung from the tips of your tongues, connecting you in yet another way. Naruto rubbed his hardness against the panes of your stomach, chewing at his lip with those sharp teeth of his, his pupils blown so wide it almost swallowed up the blue. You were just as hard, twitching whenever his ass dragged back against it, blood and chakra rushing through the pathways in your body.

“N-Naruto. We can’t just… we have to be prepared for this” you gasp out, trying to adjust your shades as Naruto snickers, looking half embarrassed and half like a fox, like the one sealed inside him. “Pervy-sage told me about this stuff, I know what im doing” he boasted, hooking three of his own fingers inside his mouth to start coating them in his own spit.

You weren’t sure you two should listen to Jirayas advice, when it came to this. But you had even less knowledge. For you, the birds and the bees had been explained in complete scientific terms and details, and had mostly focused on the results and how to do it safely, if he ever got the chance.

Watching Naruto raise his hips out the water and truly focus on the task of opening himself up was maddening, your nostrils flaring as you had to catch your breath. There was a twinge in his brow as he added more fingers before he was ready, but he was so hard and throbbing that he was dripping into the pool of water. You guys would probably be billed for that later…

Naruto worked himself open much too quickly, but he didn’t seem to care very much, removing his fingers from his hole as he grabbed for your dick, your very sensitive dick, mind you. it made a guttural gasp leave your chest, hands grabbing onto his hips as Naruto snickered again. “You ready, bugboy?” he giggled, that broad grin on his lips.

The nickname was enough to make you grumble, but it had served its purpose of distracting you long enough for Naruto to push his hips down, both of you groaning. You because of the sudden tightness around you, and Naruto from the stretch and fullness. But Naruto Uzumaki was never the type to give up, so he slowly worked himself all the way down, even as you tried to gasp out words for him to slow down for his own good.

Naruto was shivering slightly as he finally bottomed out, his eyes wet and shiny as he gave you a wobbly gummy smile, his face flushed all the way down to his chest. “S-see? I could do it” he gasped, jolting as your cock pressed accidentally against his prostate.

It was impossible to talk as you tried your hardest not to explode right then and there. You would have been worried about bruising him, if you didn’t know Naruto was more sturdy than you were. Lurching forwards, you buried your face into his neck, shuddering and panting to try and keep yourself at bay, eyes fluttering under your shades as Naruto hugged onto you.

“It-its okay, we can both… we can both just cum” Naruto rambled, voice wobbly in a way you weren’t used too. He was still throbbing against your torso, his length gushing out clear shiny fluid as Naruto tried his best to rock his hips. There was no finesse or technique, but neither of you needed much of that.

“W-wait Naruto, ill- I can’t hold it” you pant, eyes clenching shut under your shades as you pant against his skin, feeling your balls draw up as you spill inside him, your insides buzzing from a mixture of euphoria, and the colony feeding on the influx of hormones and chakra. The blonde let out a noise that sounded like his normal glowing chuckle, only for it to melt into a shaky drawn-out moan, Naruto spurting against your torso and his own.

You two sat there for a while, simply shuddering and holding one another as you tried your hardest to collect yourselves again, and register what had just happened. It had been a whole new experience, something new and unknown, but still so good.

It was only when you could feel the colony inside you growing sluggish and slow that you knew you two had to move. The hot water was starting to become too much, and your fingers were getting wrinkled. “Naruto… we gotta get up” you mumble against his shoulder, only getting a soft mumble in return. He sounded sleepy already, but Naruto did lift himself up after a while.

You could feel blood rush downwards against as Naruto crawled out of the pool, making it obvious your spend with dripping out of him. The choked noise you let out made Naruto glance back at you, shooting you a grin before he shuffled off towards the baths again. That minx, or should you say fox? He had probably picked that up from that pervy-sages’ books…

With a huff, you let a small smile pull at your lips as you crawl out of the pool as well, sliding your shades off as you walk past your pile of clothes. The colony should do better in a running shower and some cold water, you were sure Naruto wouldn’t mind finding warmth in another way.

#male reader #aburame reader #naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto uzumaki #naruto x reader #naruto x male reader #naruto imagine #naruto headcanon #naruto uzumaki x male reader #naruto uzumaki x reader #naruto uzumaki imagine #naruto uzumaki headcanon #naruto shippuden x male reader #naruto shippuden x reader #naruto shippuden imagine #naruto shippuden headcanon #tw insects #does this count as body horror for the reader?

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khuzena · 1 month ago

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The Ink Didn’t Fade

Phainon’s Version: My DearestPairing: Phainon x AFAB!Reader Word Count: 11.1k (overall fic)

Part 1, Part 2

Summary: He held the line. He made the shot. He remembered the smell of your burnt bacon while bleeding out.

A casket. A letter. A love that survived the war—he just didn’t.

Phainon died a soldier. But he loved you like a man.

And the ink didn’t fade.

C.w: Major character death, war themes, graphic violence, implied ptsd, survivor's guilt, tragedy, hallucinations, violence, blood, grief, separation anxiety

A/n: second part here we fking go bro SOBS HYSTERICCALY I WAS GOING INSAEN TRYING TO POST IT YESTERDAY ON MOBILE BUT IT KEPT CRASHING AND WOULDN'T SAVE. It was actual hell trying to post from mobile so I had to wait AGAIN to post it so welpp here we are. HEy, read part 1 first !!!! idk man wtf why

taglist: @reapersan @strawb3rri-bliss @sugilitez @aerisevx @takeyomikamakura

The moment you step out of the bathroom, the hallway slams into you again.

Shouting. Moaning. Blood on the floor.

Hyacine runs past, her braid loose, gloves smeared red. “He’s seizing!”

Another soldier. You follow, legs still trembling, mind still fraying at the edges. You’ve already treated six today. You’ve watched three die.

You’re not supposed to be this shaken.

You can’t afford to be.

But your hands are trembling, and your heart won’t stop racing. There’s no time to cry again. There's no time to feel.

Inside the treatment room, it’s chaos. The boy who just came in is on the cot, shirt half-ripped open, wound gushing from his lower abdomen. He’s maybe nineteen. His mouth foams faintly at the edge, his eyes rolled back. He's losing blood. Fast.

“BP 85 over 50,” Hyacine yells. “He’s going into hypovolemic shock.”

Your body moves. Instinct. Experience. You grab gauze, press it to the wound, and call for saline.

“Get the morphine,” you mutter. “He won’t hold long.”

Mira’s already preparing the syringe behind you.

But the bottle’s half empty.

There’s a shortage. Everything’s running low. Running low on meds, hands, and hope.

You grab another vial. Your hands won’t stop shaking.

You try to steady them. But your vision is swimming, and your ears are ringing, and…

You miss the mark.

The syringe pulls in too much. 10 milligrams.

Too much. Far too much.

“Mira!” Hyacine yells before you can inject. “That’s over 10!”

“What?” You freeze. The needle’s inches from his arm.

Mira’s already stepping forward. She gently but firmly takes it from your hand. “This is your second shift with no break,” she says, voice soft, “Go sit down. I’ll do it.”

You blink. “I’m—no, I can still—”

“You almost overdosed him.”

The words land like bullets.

The boy coughs, blood spurting over the side of the cot.

You step back, dazed. Mira adjusts the dosage quickly to 2 milligrams. Not a hair more. She injects it fast and starts wrapping the wound, calling for clamps and thread.

You’re still standing there. Stupid. Frozen.

Hyacine looks up, her expression torn between worry and frustration. “You need to rest,” she says. “You're doing too much. We all are.”

But you don’t move.

You hear the clipboard clatter against the table. Somewhere, one of the newer nurses vomits in the sink.

Everything’s falling apart.

You’re down five nurses this afternoon alone. One of them fainted in the hall from dehydration. Two are treating the burn victims from last night’s shelling. Another is coughing up blood herself. The last? You’re not sure. She hasn’t come back since noon. Maybe she never will.

The soldier on the cot begins to breathe normally again. Mira wipes his face. Hyacine double-checks his vitals.

And you just stand there.

You almost gave him enough morphine to stop his heart. A single careless dosage of 10mg in a man this size, already bleeding out, already crashing. it could’ve killed him in seconds.

A voice echoes in your head.

He might be gone too.

Phainon. No letters. No word. Maybe you’re unraveling because you can’t bear losing one more man—even a stranger, while not knowing if your own still breathes.

The tears are rising again. But you can’t cry here.

Not in front of your girls. Not in front of a patient who just nearly died because of your hands.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, voice dry and empty.

You leave again. You don’t wait for permission this time. You walk to the storeroom, step inside, shut the door.

The dark smells like metal and alcohol. The floor is sticky. The air is too hot. You press your back to the door and slide down again.

You breathe.

You clench your fists.

And this time you don’t cry.

You sit there, shaking, until Mira knocks once. Gently.

“I covered your charts,” she says through the door. “But we still need you.”

You close your eyes. You nod. When will this end?

For what felt like forever, four days flew by.

No reply.

Still no reply.

You check the incoming crates again. the envelopes bloodied, creased, or waterlogged. You sift through them one by one in the mail tent during your short break. Still nothing from him. Not even a scrap of handwriting. No flower, no tape, no ink-smudged paper. Not a single thing from Phainon.

You’re starting to think the letters got lost.

You’re starting to wonder if he’s the one who got lost.

Mira walks past you in the mud, her boots sinking slightly with each step. “Still nothing?”

You shake your head slowly.

She doesn’t push. But she lingers, just enough to place a hand on your arm, squeezing gently. “They’ve been rerouting mail. There was a screw-up at the intercom dispatch. One of the couriers said half the letters meant for the 4th division got sent back to the capital by accident.”

You blink. “Phainon’s division is the 4th.”

“Exactly.”

Your breath catches. Your fingers tighten around the edge of your clipboard. Something cold and sick coils in your stomach. “So… he might have written.”

She nods. “It just never got through.”

Then she exhales — long, quiet, full of the things no one says out loud in places like this.

“And…” she adds softly, “Word is, they had to relocate. Ambush near the ridgeline. They lost the original station. No signal. No outgoing post for two, maybe three days. Might be longer.”

The clipboard slips a little in your hands.

Your head spins.

He wrote.

He could have written.

But you wouldn’t know.

Because the wires failed. Because someone else decided a new station was safer. Because the war swallowed one more piece of hope before you could hold it.

Your throat tightens

Mira’s already walking back to the clinic. You stand still, cold in the chest, hot in the eyes. Everything hurts. And no one even died today — not yet.

You pull out your pen.

You write again anyway.

Not because you know it’ll get to him. Not because there’s any promise it’ll even leave this field. But because if you don’t write, the silence might eat you alive.

So, you harden your grip one the pen and start writing.

“Dear Phainon, I hope you’re okay. I’m okay. I’m trying to be. Mira says our post is messed up. I don’t know if you’ve gotten anything from me. I don’t even know if you’re still where I last wrote to. But I’ll keep writing. In case you are. In case this one gets through.”

Your hand shakes as you write, wailing of soldiers still echoes in the hallways.

“A boy died last night. He was so small. And he wanted to go home. And I wanted to cry again but I couldn’t. The girls… they’re all really exhausted. We’re losing nurses every day. We keep covering for each other. The pain here doesn’t stop. I’m scared, Phai. But I love you. I love you so much. So I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep waiting even if your reply takes months later.Come home to me, okay?”

You fold the letter. Tape a tiny leaf you found outside, the same kind that grew near the hill you both used to walk. There’s no flower today. But he’ll understand.

“Stay safe, from your dearest.”

You slip it into the box. You don’t know if it’ll reach him.

But it’s better than doing nothing. Better than letting the silence be the last thing between you.

Back at Phainon's, the rain hasn’t let up in hours. It pours in sheets, washing over the wounded, slicking the mud until everything stinks of metal, blood, and gunpowder.

“Get the perimeter secured,” Phainon says hoarsely, voice frayed from shouting over cannon fire and screaming. “Use the broken crates. We don’t have time for sandbags.”

Charis jogs past him, splattered in mud up to the neck. He doesn’t need to reply. He just nods, already barking orders to the remaining able-bodied soldiers. Merek is stabilizing Nolan under the collapsed tent, fumbling with the bandages while keeping one eye on the hills.

Phainon kneels beside the boy with a shattered leg. Holds his hand. Tells him he’ll be okay. That he’s strong. That help is coming.

The boy smiles faintly before he seizes up and goes still.

Phainon shuts his eyes. Just for a moment. Then he stands.

There’s no time to grieve. Not yet.

The new post is worse.

They said it was safer, higher ground, better cover…but Phainon knows better. Safer just means the dead haven’t warmed it yet.

The soil’s still wet from the last rainfall, but not enough to wash away the blood. Trenches are half-dug, uneven. The fires won’t stay lit long. The food’s cold before it’s even passed around.

They lost too many men in four days.

He walks past the fallen. Past the half-covered bodies they don’t have enough tarps for. Past the tent where someone is sobbing into their hands. He doesn't stop. Can’t stop.

He doesn’t count them aloud, but he knows all their names.

One of them died laughing, delirious. One died choking. The youngest begged for some nice pasta before he died. Phainon had held that one’s hand until it went cold.

He keeps hearing their voices at night. He hasn’t slept properly since they switched camps.

Now Phainon walks the new ground like a ghost tethered to duty. He doesn’t speak unless he has to. His coat is stiff with dried blood and ash. His boots are worn through at the soles.

The men still look to him.

So he gives them what he can—orders, a steady hand, sometimes just silence that doesn’t break.

He crouches beside another injured soldier, He was young, freckled, trembling. The boy flinches as he adjusts the bandage. “You’re not gonna die tonight,” Phainon mutters. “That’s an order.”

A weak laugh.

Then a cough.

Then a shiver.

He tucks the boy’s letter into the boy’s pack. No postage, no name on it yet. Just a shaking hope that someone will send it.

A dog howls somewhere far off, and it catches him off guard. He flinches.

He remembers the last one. The dog he had to shoot because it wailed loudly in pain.

He can still feel the click of it in his bones.

He finds himself by a collapsed shed, away from the eyes. The frost creeps along the edges of the wood. He doesn’t shiver.

Instead, he touches his chest—

And there it is.

Your letter.

Pressed flat and protected in the inner lining of his uniform. The edges are soft now, the ink a little faded. He still remembers every word. He still imagines your hands folding it. Taping the flower. Writing his name.

His fingers slide down to the ring on his hand, dull with dirt, but still there. He turns it slowly. A ritual now. A vow in motion.

“I’m coming home. I have to.”

He grazes the ring again and again, like it’s the only thing keeping his hands from shaking. He cannot cry. Not when Nolan’s still unconscious. Not when Merek is holding things together by a thread. Not when Charis is covering three positions at once and hasn’t eaten since dawn.

He cannot cry.

He thinks about you.

He wonders if you sleep enough. If you’ve eaten. If you still hum when the kettle boils. If the flower he taped into the letter stayed in place, or if it crumbled on the way there.

He wonders if you smiled.

He misses your voice. The way you said his name like it was alive.

He wants to hold you.

He wants to come home.

But the enemy is pushing harder each day, and they’re running low on ammo. Low on warmth. Low on hope.

And Phainon is a lieutenant—but that doesn’t mean he’s made of stone.

He is still a man.

Still someone’s fiancé.

Still someone who promised a future. A wedding. A garden behind a crooked little house. A quiet life.

And now?

Now he’s not sure he’ll come back intact.

Or come back at all.

The alarm screams—a frantic, terrible sound. It was cutting through the rain and the gunfire. It’s starting again. The enemy’s coming.

“Get down!” Charis shouts, but it’s too late.

A shell explodes nearby, the earth erupting in a shower of mud and splinters.

Phainon’s chest tightens… not from the blast, but because every explosion pulls him further from you.

I have to come home. I have to.

He’s yelling orders, voice raw, throat burning from constant shouting over the chaos. “Move the wounded! Cover the flanks! We hold here!”

But inside, his mind is spinning. He ask himself again.

Did my letter reach you?

Are you safe?

Are you warm? Are you hungry? Did you sleep at all last night?

A soldier next to him stumbles, clutching his bleeding side. Phainon catches him, but there’s no time to linger.

Merek’s still stabilizing Nolan under the tent…

How many are left?

Eleven gone in days. Eleven too many.

The sky lights up red with fire. Bullets zip past, pinging off scrap metal and stone.

Phainon ducks behind broken crates, heart hammering—not just from the gunfire, but from the weight of every life depending on him.

Then, the alarm screams—a desperate, grating wail cutting through the rain and gunfire.

It’s starting again. The enemy is relentless, always surging forward.

“Someone’s down!” Merek ducks under the rubble nearby as he yelled, but the world erupts before Phainon can react.

A shell detonates again nearby, mud and shards tearing through the air.

Everything is slowly starting to become a blur. How much longer will peace take?

He raises his rifle, breath ragged, eyes burning.

Bang.

One enemy falls.

Bang.

Another drops.

But with every shot, a ringing clogs his ears—sharp, insistent, drowning out the chaos but magnifying the screams he heard back at camp.

The boy with the shattered leg, fading too fast.

The dog’s terrified eyes before the final, painful shot.

Nolan’s faint moans under the torn tent.

Phainon blinks away the memories as a hail of bullets sprays toward him. He rolls, firing again.

Bang. Bang.

His muscles scream, sweat and rain mixing on his skin, but his mind fractures further with every enemy he takes down.

How long can this go on?

Charis yells nearby, rallying the soldiers, but Phainon barely hears him.

He catches a glimpse of Merek, frantic, trying to keep Nolan alive.

His throat tightens.

He forces himself forward, dragging a wounded man across the slick ground, heart pounding like a war drum.

The ringing grows louder, blurring the world into white noise—guns, screams, the rain pounding on broken earth.

He wants to shut it out, but it only pulls him deeper into the dark corners of his mind.

Do you miss me?

Do you ever think of this place—of me—when it’s quiet where you are?

The thought is a brief spark in the suffocating fog.

Phainon fights on, every breath heavier, every movement more desperate.

He can feel the weight of the fallen pressing down on him—their faces etched in his mind like shadows he can’t shake.

The sky burns, the enemy presses, and Phainon fights—because surrender isn’t an option.

Because somewhere beyond this hell, there’s a home waiting.

Somewhere beyond the gunfire and loss, there’s you.

And he clings to that, even as his body screams and his mind edges toward breaking.

As the rain lashes harder, turning the battlefield into a mire of mud and blood. Phainon’s boots slip with every step as he drags a wounded soldier toward the crumbling wall of crates.

The man’s weight nearly pulls him down, but Phainon grits his teeth and presses forward.

Gunfire cracks sharply all around, bullets whistling past with deadly intent. A hail of lead tears through the air. Phainon drops to one knee, firing blindly at the advancing enemy. The recoil jars his aching shoulder, sending sharp jolts through his arm, but he holds the rifle steady, squeezing the trigger again and again.

An explosion nearby shakes the ground violently, throwing mud and splinters into the air. Phainon’s ears ring, and his vision blurs for a heartbeat. As the dust settles, he pushes off the crates and staggers to his feet, only to catch a searing pain ripping through his thigh

He looks down to see blood soaking the torn fabric of his uniform, the wound deep and burning cold in the rain.

Ignoring the pain, he limps forward, using the crates as cover, the weight of his body dragging him down. Another burst of gunfire forces him flat to the ground, the wet earth slick beneath him. He crawls a few desperate feet toward a fallen comrade, trying to shield the man’s head from the rain and flying debris.

Charis yells orders somewhere behind him, but Phainon barely hears through the roar of cannon fire and the ringing in his ears.

The enemy closes in. Shadows move through the sheets of rain—figures advancing with ruthless determination.

Phainon grits his teeth, manages to raise his rifle once more, and fires. The crack of the shot cuts through the chaos, and a figure drops, but the effort drains him. His knees buckle, his hands tremble, and he slumps forward onto the mud, face pressed against the cold, wet ground.

A sudden sharp sting explodes in his ribs as shrapnel tears through his side. He gasps, the air forced from his lungs, his body convulsing with the pain. Blood bubbles at his lips as he fights to stay conscious.

Somewhere beyond the storm of violence, he hears the frantic cries of his men—calls to regroup, to hold the line. But his body betrays him. Limbs heavy and unresponsive, Phainon struggles to lift his head, his vision swimming in and out of focus.

The rain mixes with the blood on his face as the world narrows to the taste of iron and the relentless pounding in his ears. The enemy surges closer, and the fight drags on, even as his strength fades.

The sharp crack of a rifle shot split the air. Charis was moving fast, dodging debris, trying to reach cover when a bullet whistled just behind him. Without thinking, Phainon grabbed Charis’s arm and yanked him down hard behind a broken crate. The ground exploded where Charis had just been standing.

Phainon barely had time to catch his breath before a searing, crushing pain stabbed into his ribs. He gasped, staggering as a bullet tore through muscle and bone. His body slammed against the jagged wood of the crate, breath caught in his chest.

Charis’s eyes widened in horror. “Phainon!” His voice cracked, frantic and raw. “You’re hurt…stay with me!”

Phainon swallowed back a groan, clutching the wound as blood soaked his fingers and ran down his side. His breath was ragged, each inhale sharp and burning like fire in his lungs. Around them, the world was a chaotic blur of gunfire, screams, and explosions, but Charis’s voice anchored him.

“We can’t lose you now,” Charis pleaded, his hands trembling as he grasped Phainon’s shoulders. “You’re the only reason half of us are still breathing.”

Phainon’s eyes flickered, pain and determination wrestling for control. He tried to speak but only a rasp escaped. His fingers brushed his engagement ring—dirt-smudged, bloodied—an unspoken promise locked on his hand.

Charis’s chest tightened as he took in the deepening pallor of Phainon’s face, the way his breaths grew shallow. “Hang on, just a little longer,” Charis said, voice breaking. “I’m not leaving you. We all need you.”

Phainon’s vision blurred. The pounding in his ears grew louder, a relentless ringing that drowned out everything but the thundering of his own heart. He tried to focus, to push back the pain, to fight for every second.

A fresh volley of shots sent dirt and splinters raining over them. Charis pulled Phainon further behind the crate, shielding him as best he could. The world tilted, and Phainon’s grip loosened, his fingers barely holding on.

Charis’s breath caught as he saw the flicker of fading life in Phainon’s eyes. “No. Not like this. You’re not done.” His voice was fierce, desperate. “You still have to see it. The future you fought for.”

Phainon’s lips parted slightly, blood bubbling at the corners. Somewhere deep inside, a stubborn spark flared. But the pain was swallowing him whole.

Charis pressed closer, refusing to let the silence grow. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Phainon’s head was pounding like a drumbeat inside a cave—each throb louder than the last, drowning out the chaos around him. The ringing was relentless, a high-pitched scream echoing in his skull that blurred his vision and muddled his senses.

Despite the pain clawing through his body, a single memory pierced the fog.. a flash of your smile in the quiet light of dawn, the way your fingers curled around his in a silent promise. The image brought a tear, hot and unbidden, tracing down his cheek. He blinked it away, unwilling to let weakness take hold.

The battle wasn’t over. Not yet.

With trembling hands, Phainon gripped his rifle. His breath came shallow, ragged, but he forced himself upright, steadying against the broken crate. Every movement was agony, blood seeping through his fingers and dripping onto the ground, darkening the mud beneath him.

Through the haze, he saw the enemy advancing. THE figures moving like shadows, relentless and ruthless.

He raised his rifle, squeezing the trigger. The crack was sharp, a small victory in the endless storm. One fell.

Another shot. Another.

But his body was betraying him. Each breath was a knife twisting in his ribs. His strength was fading, and the medics, too far to reach, swallowed by the chaos, couldn’t come to him.

Charis’s voice was a distant anchor, pulling him back from the edge. “Stay with me, Phainon.”

Phainon’s lips quivered, an unspoken vow burning behind closed eyes. He still had a future to fight for—a life beyond this hell. There were plans left unfinished, laughter to share, a wedding to have, a home to build.

His fingers brushed the ring again, the cool metal grounding him once again.

Was this the end?

He refused to let it be.

With a ragged breath, he readied himself to fire once more, the world narrowing to the muzzle flash and the desperate hope that he could hold just a little longer.

Phainon’s grip tightened around the rifle, but his arms trembled beneath the weight. The pain in his side flared—hot, relentless—burning through every breath he forced into his lungs. Each heartbeat pounded louder, drowning out everything else.

Stay awake. Don’t—don’t give in. Not yet.

But the world around him blurred. The sharp crack of gunfire and shouts faded into a distant hum, like echoes underwater. His vision flickered at the edges, darkening.

Then…. warmth. A gentle touch. He blinked, confused.

Was that… your hand?

His fingers twitched, searching desperately. The cold rifle in his grasp began to feel unreal, like a weight lifted.

No. That can’t be real.

His mind wavered between pain and memory.

The house. The one we dreamed about.

He could almost smell the rich coffee brewing in the morning light, feel the warmth of the sun spilling through the crooked windows.

You’re there. You’re always there.

Your laughter floated through the quiet room, a fragile thread anchoring him. He reached out, eyes barely open.

I’m almost home. Just a little further.

The ache in his ribs screamed, but the phantom warmth of your hand held him steady. His breath hitched, a tear slipping down his cheek.

I promised. I promised you a future.

A future he wasn’t sure he’d see.

His mind raced—thoughts scattered like shattered glass.

Did you get my letter? Are you safe?

Are you warm? Are you even thinking of me now?

He wanted to say so much, but words tangled and slipped away. The noise of battle was gone now. All that remained was the fading echo of your voice, the feel of your hand in his.

"Hold on, Phainon. Hold on for me."

But his body betrayed him. The rifle felt lighter, almost as if it melted away beneath his grasp, replaced by the softness of your hand. He imagined fingers weaving into his, steadying, unyielding.

I’m tired.

So tired.

He swallowed hard, vision dimming further, every edge blurring into the quiet sanctuary of the house.

Please don’t let this be the end.

A final tear, warm and salty, slid down his dirt-smeared face.

I’m not ready. Not yet.

The world slipped away, but the warmth stayed. Your hand, the scent of coffee, the promise of home.

Phainon’s breath was shallow and uneven, the cold seeping into his bones like ice water. His body trembled, wounds burning, muscles screaming… but his mind was quieter now, softer, turning inward.

He wasn’t fighting anymore. Not really.

The distant roar of gunfire faded into a dull, pulsing hum, replaced by the fragile echo of his thoughts.

If this is the end... what will happen to you?

The thought hit him harder than any bullet.

Will you be safe? Will you be alone?

His heart clenched, a heavy weight pressing down on his chest. He could already see your face, pale with worry, holding back tears he wouldn’t let fall.

I’m sorry.

Sorry for the nights you’d spend waiting, wondering if he was alive.

Sorry for the future he might never build with you.

Sorry for the silence that would stretch between you like a chasm.

The memories came unbidden, a bittersweet flood.

The day you became a nurse, he remembered, pride twisting painfully in his chest. How fiercely you’d fought to make a difference, how your hands had saved lives—while his own blood stained the ground here, so far from you.

And me, my first day as lieutenant.

The weight of that title, once a promise, now felt like a curse.

I wanted to protect you.

His fingers brushed the dirt and sweat caked over the engagement ring beneath his uniform. The ring he’d spent weeks searching for, the one you’d worn as a symbol of everything you two had planned.

I never wanted you to carry this alone.

Phainon’s mind drifted to the small moments—the burnt bacon smell in the kitchen, your teasing laugh as you shook your head. The quiet evenings spent dreaming of a crooked little house with a garden, of a life far from this war.

I wish I could have one last breakfast with you.

The ache in his chest deepened, tears pricking at the edges of his eyes.

He knew the world was slipping away. His body growing colder, his thoughts more distant.

I hope you can forgive me.

If I don’t come home... please know I loved you.

His grip on the rifle loosened, the weapon feeling impossibly heavy. But somewhere deep inside, a spark remained, fragile, but alive, holding onto your face, your voice, your love.

Phainon closed his eyes, the sounds around him fading as the hallucination grew stronger.

You’re with me now.

It wasn’t long till three months later.

The capital was too quiet for a day like this.

No bombings, no alarms. Just the wind moving through rows of black flags, flapping weakly under a silver sky.

They’d set the memorial in the central square—an open ground, framed by the shattered columns of what used to be the Hall of Triumph. It had been hastily rebuilt, just enough to stand. Just enough to hold the weight of grief.

There were caskets lined across the stage, draped in the flag. Each one sealed.

Each one silent.

And there you were, standing among a sea of mourning families, white-knuckled and barely breathing, clutching the small pin they gave you—one of the medals he earned. Valor. Leadership. Sacrifice. The words meant nothing. They clinked dully against your chest.

They wouldn’t even open the casket.

They said it was better that way.

“Too much damage,” someone whispered.

“He wouldn’t want you to see.”

But you wanted to see him.

You needed to see him.

Your body moved before your mind could stop it. Shoving past soldiers, stumbling up the steps, tears hot and streaming down your face. You heard your name shouted, hands reaching for you, but none of them mattered. Not now.

Not when it was real.

Not when his name was carved into that plaque like a period at the end of everything.

“Phainon,” you choked out, falling to your knees before the casket.

This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be.

Not him. Not your Phainon.

The man who picked burnt bacon out of his teeth and still said it was the best breakfast of his life.

The one who held your hand like he was memorizing it. Who kissed you like he was afraid time would steal you.

The one who promised you a crooked house with a little garden and a roof that always leaked when it rained.

You pressed your forehead to the wood of the casket, the smell of polish and smoke mixing in your lungs. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t get to say goodbye. You didn’t get to hold him. You didn’t even get to bury him properly—just this fucking box, this thing, and a stupid folded flag.

“Come back,” you whispered, voice cracking. “Come back, come back…”

You knew he wouldn’t. You knew.

But it didn’t stop you from wishing.

Not when Charis was there too, standing beside you… alive, limping, eyes rimmed with red.

“I tried,” he said quietly, kneeling next to you. His voice was hoarse. “He saved my life. Took a shot meant for me. I—I held on as long as I could but…”

He looked away.

“He was asking for you until the end.”

That broke you.

Your sob echoed across the memorial, raw and guttural. No one stopped you this time. No one rushed forward to pull you back. The war had already taken so much; how could they deny you this one, final collapse?

You stayed there, your hand pressed to the casket like it could somehow keep him here. Like if you were still enough, quiet enough, maybe he’d reach back.

There’s no word for what you are now.

Not widow. Not fiancée. Not wife.

Just… left behind.

The world has terms for every kind of grief, every kind of role. But not this. Not for the woman who was supposed to marry a man who never made it home. Not for the ring that gleams cold and thin on your finger—a promise that never got fulfilled, a vow that never got spoken.

The train ride was quiet.

Too quiet.

The countryside blurred past the window, the same hills he once wrote about—how the grass turned gold at this time of year, how he wanted to show it to you himself. You sat still, hands clenched in your lap, eyes burning but dry.

You’d run out of tears days ago.

The bed still dips where he used to sleep. His uniform still hangs in the closet—pressed and perfect, waiting for a body that won't wear it again. His boots by the door. His sweet tea bags in the kitchen. The ones he insisted made him "feel human again" after deployment.

Sometimes, when you boil water, you reach for one out of habit.

Just to hold it. Just to pretend. Just to feel like he might walk through the door and say it was all a horrible joke. That he’s here. That he made it.

But the tea cools. The cup stays full. And the door never opens.

The sky was overcast by the time you reached your stop. The path home felt longer than it ever had before, every footstep hollow. The sounds of town—bakers shouting, carts rolling, distant laughter—felt like echoes from another life.

No one looked your way. You were just another shadow walking home with nothing left to carry but a silence so loud it filled your lungs.

And then you saw the house.

The same way you left it. The roof still crooked. The vines still overgrown. The front gate still squeaking like it always did, just slightly off the hinge.

But the flower taped to the letter—it had wilted.

Once a deep, vibrant red. Now a sad curl of dried brown, shriveled at the stem.

You paused, frozen.

There was a letter tucked behind it.

Your name on the front.

You reached with shaking fingers.

Two envelopes. One in his handwriting—sharp, careful, like always. The other... stamped and returned. Yours.

Unopened.

Marked: "Recipient Deceased. Unable to Deliver."

Your breath caught.

The world spun.

And you dropped right there on the doorstep, knees hitting the ground, arms folded around your stomach as the sobs finally returned—deep, wrenching, and endless.

He had written you. You had written back. But the war stole the time in between.

You held both letters to your chest, curling in on yourself as if the paper might warm you, as if maybe it still smelled faintly of him—his hands, his cologne, the ink he always accidentally smudged.

You didn’t read it yet.

You couldn’t.

Some of your friends talk about wedding dresses and baby names now. One of them wears her husband’s dog tags over her heart, with their newborn sleeping two rooms away. Another is learning how to build a life with someone new. Some are expecting.

You? You have silence.

No new beginning. No second chapter. Just this ghost of a life that almost was.

You sat on the kitchen floor, the envelope trembling in your grip. The same kitchen where he once spilled coffee trying to impress you with breakfast. The same counter still bearing the scorch mark from that one time he tried to iron his uniform “like a real adult.” Everything still smelled faintly like him. Or maybe that was memory clinging to the air.

The kitchen still smells like lemon and smoke. Like that last morning. His laughter still echoes faintly in the tiles, tucked between the cracks in the floor. You find yourself stepping over them gently, like the memory might shatter.

Sometimes you sit at the dinner table, two plates set out. One untouched.

And sometimes, in the quietest hours of the night, you swear you feel the warmth of him. Just for a second. Just long enough to remember what it was like to be loved that much.

And then it's gone.

Your fingers worked numbly, slipping under the flap. A soft tear. The paper inside unfolded slower than your breath, careful like you might break it. And there it was.

His handwriting.

“My dearest—”

You didn’t even make it through the second line before the tears came. Hot and soundless, tracing old paths down your cheeks, stinging like ash. The ink had long dried, but none of it had faded. Each word held him—his quiet warmth, the way he overthought every sentence, the little notes he always tucked in to make you smile.

You read it like scripture. Like prayer. Like if you memorize it deep enough, maybe he’ll come back in a dream and finish the parts he left unsaid.

But he doesn’t.

The only thing that answers is the wind outside the window, and the slow, steady ticking of a clock that won’t stop for grief.

The message hadn’t aged. Not even a little. It was like he was still here.

Still trying to love you across the distance. Still trying to come home, in the only way he could. With this.

Your hand pressed to your mouth as you read, not because you were trying to hold back the sobs, but because it felt like speaking would ruin the fragile spell, the impossible moment where time bent, and for just a heartbeat, you were his again.

He wrote of hope. Of how he missed you. Of the way he imagined your face when you opened this. Of love that refused to vanish.

And when you reached the end, when the last word met the edge of the page, there was nothing else.

No final twist of fate.

No more time.

Just the quiet.

The weight of a letter that had come too late.

And the echo of someone who never stopped loving you, even as the world burned around him.

You folded it back with reverence. Pressed it to your lips.

And for the first time in weeks, you whispered his name.

But he didn’t answer.

Because it was over.

notes: wow that was an emotional rollercoaster woweee! okay enough of that I cried writing this. i actually posted the of version on ao3 if u search hard enough but this ver I posted on tumblr is a bit refined but ya. Okay, kinda disappointed a bit but yes thank you reading this depressing fic of mine. and no I am not fine which is why I wrote this fic. I start jumping up and down in joy from feedback and notes so any type of interaction is appreciated and I will post the anaxa fic series and work on mydei's tomorrow. Thank you for reading this was something. 11k words of sobbing. How awesome of me. Even read some real world war letters from soldiers and civilians for some idea. idk man.

Written by @khuzena. Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated. ♡

#hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #hsr fluff #honkai star rail angst #honkai star rail x you #hsr angst #hsr smut #phainon angst #phainon fluff #hsr phainon #phainon #phainon x reader #amphoreus

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