#this was supposed to be a fun crack fic and it's already getting angsty

[not-neverland06]

I wish I was capable of short stories but I fear this new Logan fic is going to be a behemoth

and I'm at that point in my cycle where it's probably gonna be freaky as hell

also, these random posts are totally just excuses to use all the random shit I have on my Pinterest boards

[caitified]

plzzz can you write an angsty (and smutty if u write smut) fic where cc is in love with her bff’s girlfriend and they get behind the bffs back?

nobody knows

caitlin clark x reader

warnings:smut, cheating, sorry kate!

caitlin clark had always been the life of every party, the girl who never stayed tied down for long. everyone knew her reputation—a player, someone who’d flirt with anyone and everyone but never take it seriously. it was all fun, just a game. but lately, things were different.

kate martin, her best friend since forever, had started dating you, and that changed everything. caitlin tried to ignore it at first, the way her heart sped up every time you laughed or the way your eyes seemed to linger on hers a little too long. it wasn’t supposed to be like this. she was kate’s girl, after all.

but there were moments—small, fleeting moments—when it felt like maybe you felt the same way. maybe it wasn’t just in caitlin’s head. like the time kate went to get drinks at the bar and left the two of you alone. it had been one of those nights where everything felt too easy, where the line between right and wrong blurred just enough for caitlin to stop caring.

“so, how’s it going with kate?” caitlin asked, leaning back casually, though her eyes were anything but. she watched your every move, waiting for a sign, any crack in your loyalty.

you hesitated for a second, swirling your drink. “it’s good. she’s great.”

but the way you said it didn’t quite convince her, and caitlin smirked. “just great?”

you looked up, meeting her gaze, and for a second, something passed between you—something unspoken, something dangerous. “yeah, she’s great,” you repeated, softer this time, and caitlin could feel the tension building.

she didn’t care. or maybe she cared too much.

“you know,” caitlin said, voice dropping lower, “i don’t think she really appreciates you the way she should.”

your eyes widened, and you opened your mouth to respond, but she was already moving, leaning in closer, her breath warm against your ear. “i would.”

it was wrong—so wrong—but when her lips brushed against yours, you didn’t pull away. instead, you kissed her back, letting yourself get lost in the moment, in her.

🪽🪽🪽🪽

for the next few weeks, things got messy. you and caitlin found yourselves stealing moments whenever kate wasn’t around—quick glances, lingering touches, kisses that left you breathless and full of guilt.

the sneaking around became addicting—more than either of you anticipated. you’d meet up in secret, always in places where you knew kate wouldn’t find you: caitlin’s car late at night, quiet corners at the gym, even in bathrooms at parties when the music was loud enough to drown out everything else.

every time, it felt riskier, hotter. you’d catch each other’s eyes across the room, a look that said everything. like that one time kate was talking to her teammates, laughing about something dumb, and caitlin’s hand brushed against yours under the table. her fingers trailed up your thigh, and your breath caught, trying to keep a straight face while kate sat right there. the thrill of it made your heart race, knowing how easily you could get caught, knowing you should stop but never wanting to.

one night, after another party where caitlin had done her usual—flirt with random girls, acting like she didn’t have a care in the world—she pulled you into a dimly lit alleyway behind the bar. your back pressed against the cold brick, her body leaning into yours. she didn’t waste any time, her lips crashing into yours with a hunger that made your knees weak.

“you’ve been driving me crazy all night,” she murmured against your lips, her hands sliding under your shirt, her fingers teasing against your skin. “i can’t stand seeing you with her, acting like i don’t get to have you like this.”

“then why do we keep doing this?” you breathed, your hands gripping her waist, pulling her closer. the guilt was there, but the desire was stronger.

caitlin grinned, eyes dark with need. “because we can’t stop. and you love it just as much as i do.”

her lips moved down to your neck, biting and kissing in a way that made you forget about everything else—about kate, about the consequences. all you could focus on was her, the way she felt against you, the way her hands roamed your body like she owned it.

“i know it’s wrong,” she whispered, her voice husky and low, “but you want me. just like this.”

your heart pounded in your chest as her hand slipped lower, teasing, and you moaned softly, pressing your hips against her. you knew she was right. this was wrong—so wrong—but you couldn’t stop. not when it felt this good, not when caitlin’s touch made you forget about everything else.

taking control of the situation, you slid your hands underneath her shirt, feeling the warmth of her skin. caitlin let out a soft moan, a sound so alluring it sent waves of desire coursing through you.

“right here?” you murmured, your lips trailing down her neck, tasting her skin. she nodded enthusiastically, guiding your hands to the waist of her jeans, her urgency infectious.

with a quick flick of your fingers, you undid the button, and caitlin’s breath caught in her throat again at the sudden rush of anticipation. her hands roamed your body, pushing your shirt up as she desperately sought skin against skin.

as you pushed her jeans down, the world outside faded farther away. you made sure she was comfortable, ramping up the teasing to draw out her anticipation. the excitement of being caught in the alley heightened every sensation, each touch sparking a fire that coursed through you both.

there she stood, with her jeans around her ankles, her breaths coming in quick, shallow gasps as your hands explored her thighs, inching closer and closer until your fingers finally brushed against her core. she writhed under your touch, eyes fluttering shut as soft moans escaped her lips.

“please,” she gasped, begging for more, and you shivered at the urgency in her voice. you needed more of her.

with deliberate slowness, you slid a finger inside her, marveling at how she tightened around you, a perfect fit. caitlin’s hips rolled against your hand, her body instinctively seeking more of that delicious friction. each movement sent shockwaves of pleasure through her, and you couldn’t help but be aroused by her reactions.

“is that good?” you teased, adding a second finger and feeling her respond with a gasp that echoed against the alley walls.

“god, yes!” she cried out, her nails digging into your arms as she sought the release only you could provide. you loved the way she surrendered, completely lost in the moment, as if nothing else mattered but the two of you.

as you worked her closer to the edge, the intensity of her sounds heightened. the alley that had seemed dark and secluded now felt like a electric stage, a secret world where nothing else existed. you pressed your lips against hers once more, swallowing her moans, a soft but fiery exchange of breaths and desire.

finally, with a few more careful strokes, you felt her body begin to tremble, the telltale signs of her nearing release. you focused, bringing her to the precipice as her moans turned into desperate gasps.

“come for me, caitlin,” you urged, and that was all it took.

with a shuddering breath, her body tightened around your fingers, and an overwhelming wave of pleasure washed over her. caitlin cried out, a sound so beautiful it resonated deep within you, sending sparks of euphoria through your veins as you reveled in her bliss.

as her body calmed in the aftershocks of pleasure, you carefully withdrew your fingers, watching her regain her breath. her cheeks were flushed, eyes bright with excitement, and she looked utterly enchanting under the dim lights.

“wow,” she finally managed to breath, laughter bubbling up between breaths. “that was… something else.”

you grinned, heart racing, feeling the thrill of mischief and passion still coursing through you both.

“are you ready to head back in?” you asked, and caitlin shook her head, a naughty smile breaking across her face.

“not just yet,” she said, pulling you in for another kiss. the night was still young, and you both knew this alley held plenty of secrets yet to explore.

[huntingrays]

i’m bored and wanna ramble about my works in progress (esp since it’ll be a while until i post a new fic) so little summary time! also you can ask questions if you want, i don’t mind rambling about my fics and/or even spoiling some stuff

small summery of current WIPs (all valgrace)

1: Main long fic - wrapped fic

3/5 chapters done, 2/5 fully edited

Will be betaed. Trying to get it done before the end of the year but no promises. Can’t post finished chapters rn bc hasn’t been betad yet and need to make sure the endings of the chapters are consistent with the ending of the fjc

Jason POV. Angsty with an “open to interpretation” ending (but i, as the author, consider the happy interpretation ending). Multiple AUs told through dreams, main au is canon divergence where the war with Gaea never happened (so valgrace didn’t have their og meeting), contains MCD (is it rlly MCD if it happened in a dream? Will be a warning anyway). Asks if you would love someone if you knew how it would end

Est word count: was SUPPOSED to be 80k (20k each chapter besides chap 5)

Current Status: 104k (no clue how that happened uuuuuh)

____

2: College AU - 5+1 fic

Unknown word count, oneshot. Honestly all word counts besides first one are unknown. I just let the words wash over me

Leo is traumatized after confessing to a “sweet guy” who outed him so he doesn’t read to much into people being overly nice to him. Also, he doesn’t believe any guy could like him. This is unfortunate for Jason, the guy who is into him because his method of flirting is being very nice to him and “subtly” flirting with him.

The five times Leo thinks Jason is just being nice (and the one time he realizes he isn’t)

Current Status: 2k

____

3: A/B/O AU (rated T don’t worry, I love sfw omegaverse)

Leo is a late bloomer and presents as an omega very late. He realizes (after recovering from sudden presentation) that Jason is his fated mate (based on the scent on some clothes he left). The problem? Jason has already met his fated mate and it isn’t Leo. So, Leo hides his scent and vows to never tell Jason.

Basically Leo angsting over Jason and dealing with new instincts. Meanwhile, Jason gains feelings for Leo and realizes his relationship may not be what it seems. Deals with some ideas i had for omegaverse that i thought would be fun to play with (like can you manipulate scents and what happens if you end things with your mate?)

Multichaptered fic that I’ll likely write chapters for whenever i get into an omegaverse mood. Only have plans for beginning, twist, and ending (kinda).

Current Status: 800 (just started)

____

Other WIPs that I am off/on writing:

1: Modern/No Powers “Fake Dating” AU

Leo wants a bf and keeps annoying his friends about it. Jason doesn’t want their friends to murder Leo so he volunteers to be his fake bf and fulfill his romantic needs. They both have feelings for each other but are dense af. Their friends have to watch this train wreck happen

Current status: 1k words

____

2: Canon divergence/post canon AU

Crack treated seriously. Leo is turned into a kitten. That’s it that’s the fic.

Current Status: 700

____

3: Multiple whumptober fics (~7)

Will likely be very short (like under 5k hopefully fingers crossed). Mainly Leo centric but have a Jason centric idea for one. Have 5 ideas, need to work on the other two. Also have 3 additional prompts that I like and may play with

Current Status: 2 started, on hold until wrapped fic is done then they’ll be the main focus

____

4: Please Please Please

Based loosely on Please Please Please (but not a wrapped fic since that song came out this year).

Leo has a bf but Piper is worried bc of his last (toxic) bf. She’s sus when they (Piper, Hazel, Annabeth, and Percy) meet Jason but she eventually realizes he’s a smitten fool and approves

Status: 3k words

____

5: A/B/O drop fic

Scents change after presenting. As a pup, Leo hated his scent since it was similar to smoke. After his mom dies, he hides it. He continues to hide it even after camp. He ends up presenting but doesn’t realize. He keeps suppressing/ignoring his instincts. His inner omega gets upset at him and causes him to drop. He goes to Piper and Jason (he considers them his pack) to help him through it.

Current Status: 700

____

6: Soulmate AU. Also college AU

You have dreams of your soulmate through the eyes of their close friends. Jason hasn’t had a dream for years. Then, one day in college, he suddenly has a dream (and worries about his soulmate’s best friend who nearly burnt their place down trying to bake a cake). He’s very happy and already smitten with his soulmate. Meanwhile, Leo had spent so long thinking his bond was one sided that he doesn’t know to react to this new development. He’s worried about not being good enough for Jason and worries about his friends hating him.

Status: 9k

[kybee1497]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let's spread the self-love 💗

Let's go let's go let's go!!!!

Hi Aster! Thank you for the ask!! Okay let’s do this thing

These are in no particular order because I can’t do that to myself

1) nothing but your crown on because it was the first smut I ever wrote and it took forever. I wrote most of it in the car on breaks at work, which sure was a choice lol. It’s Julie and the phantoms Julie x Luke centric fic but it’s part of a series that’s Julie x Luke x Reggie, creatively titled “the adventures of a chaotic villain throuple” which is… exactly what is says on the tin, featuring villain Julie, bodyguard Luke & evil scientist reggie.

2) your eyes look like coming home because it was supposed to be short and sweet and blew up into 20k+ and also kickstarted my love for very rare pair poly ships. This one is also Julie and the phantoms fic with Nick x Carrie x Flynn growing up and falling in love. It’s a 5+1 sleepover fic that I love to bits

3) always by your side because I got a prompt and my mind was like how can I make this incredibly ducking angsty and then I did it and made everyone cry and made myself cry. I’m very proud of the foreshadowing and storytelling on this one. Do bring tissues tho 🫶🏻it’s also jatp with Julie x Luke

4) someday (I’ll see you again) because it was a troped challenge and I came up with the ending plot part ways through and made myself cry but I think I wrote it really well and I’m super proud of it. (I did have to cut it down to hit the word count maximum since it was for a challenge so the ending is a bit more fast paced than I would normally do but I still love it) this is also a jatp fic which is fair because I wrote like 60. This one however is a Alex x Willie neighbors au w/ childhood friends to lovers. It’s already tagged but trigger warning for non-physical child abuse, homophobia & conversion camp. No actual camp is featured “on screen” and I tried to treat it as respectfully as I could but it is a plot point so avoid if needed.

5) don’t talk to me or my scary goth gf ever again because it was supposed to be a short crack-adjacent Oneshot that ended up sparking a series. It’s Wenclair fic with the appropriate amount of Xavier bashing (also haven’t reread it in a while but probs not super Tyler friendly??? The joys of being a multishipper 🙃) I’m still working on the sequels with Wednesdays and Weems povs. Anyways it was fun and i enjoyed writing it but was pleasantly surprised it was received as well as it was.

[theothersarshi]

tagged by @kd-heart

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason.

First fic published on Ao3: I'll go with Mangaka! It's not an Ao3 exclusive, but it's the first story I published there, X-posting from ff.net. It's a Bleach story, Ichigo/Gin. Ichigo lost all his shinigami powers and friends and he meets Gin, who's in hiding and works as an eccentric mangaka. I've always wanted to turn this one into an original, but I never got around to doing it.

Last fic published: Demon dulce, bade blând. It's a very rare Romanian fic (I usually write in English, I like having an audience, thanks), and it's an alliterative slash fantasy AU poem about two of Romania's adored 19th c. canonical writers, who were friends IRL: Mihai Eminescu ("the last great Romantic poet") and Ion Creangă (a fun storyteller, lower class, dropped out of being a priest; wrote an autobiography, fairy tales and a porn "fairy tail". Remind me to tell you about his story with Jesus "blessing" a field of corn and turning all the corn ears into dildos). Anyway, in my poem, Eminescu becomes a sort of incubus figure who seduces his best friend.

Fandom/ship I only wrote once: My most recent "one time fandom only" is Doubts (Lord of the Rings). Aragorn/Legolas. It's also angst, which... why?

Favorite fic in most popular fandom/ship: The Affair of Loki and Darcy! It turns out Avengers is my most popular fandom on Ao3, although my works in that fandom include some youthful follies. Nonetheless, "The Affair" is a story that wrote itself. It's simple, it's funny, it's fluffy, and people loved it. There was a sequel at some point that got lost in a folder somewhere, but it was never finished and never great, so I never got around to publishing it.

Fic I wish more people read: A Fair Trade is a story that I'm always very pleasantly surprised to get any comments on. Mission Impossible/Avengers, Benji Dunn/Loki. It's such a crack pairing. It was supposed to be 3-5k words long, PWP, and it ended up 30k with extra Situations.

Fic I agonized over: Not exactly agonized, but Aimless. Eventual Hermione Granger/Severus Snape. It's very angsty and I wrote on it mostly while feeling depressed and adrift myself. Additionally, it's in the HP fandom, and that's an agonizing fandom in itself. (My stance on it is: I don't mention HP often out of respect for those who abhor it; but my wish is that the fandom goes on to become everything JKR hates, and that she flinches when she hears of it, not former fans.)

Fic that popped out fully-formed: I already mentioned "The Affair..." above, so I'll say Daughter Mine this time. It's dark and disturbing, but I love it.

Fic I'm proud of: Gonna go with Demon dulce, bade blând again. I keep showing it secretly to people. Alliterative dirty poetry! I didn't know I had it in me!

Tagging: I'm bad at this tagging thing! But if you feel like being tagged - tag, you're it! ;)

[theyluvlyss]

/ᐠ-˕-マ~ my personal guide !

𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞... !

...this is a guide that I have made that will help you decipher all of my little fanfic, edit, and shifting terms. keep in mind that while some of these are useful across other profiles/platforms/websites, some of the terms and their meanings may differ elsewhere rather than on my account (hence why I use words "my" and "personal").

so, without further ado, continue reading to see what everything means and how I use it in my works. it's long, but worth it, trust🤞🏽.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

/ᐠ-˕-マ~ each list is in alphabetical order :) !

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐜 -

《 ♡ 》 adjective!character : this can get used by either myself or requesters to specify certain traits for a character to have. also includes reader(s), because remember, you are (technically) a character in the story, too :). there can also be as many adjectives as one wants. for example, it could look something like:ㅤpopular!social!reader x loner!quiet!billy batson.

《 ♡ 》 angst : super melodramatic, lot's of drama stemming from problems either caused by outside forces, and/or the reader/characters themselves. can have either bad, unresolved endings, or good "fix-it" type endings. not to be confused with hurt/comfort, which is implied in the name that it's naturally supposed to be a story/fic that hurts you with angst, and then comforts you with fluff at the end. these are my personal fave to write, besides crackfics ♡.

《 ♡ 》 au : this stands for alternate universe. let's say I write a fanfic for, I dunno, henry danger, right? as you know, henry danger is already set in a specific universe. well, as a writer, I have the creative liberty to literally change the entire setting. I can make henry danger take place during the fifties or in space or whatever requested lol🤷🏽‍♀️.

《 ♡ 》 crackfic : (be warned, I stole this definition from a website 'cuz I couldn't gather the proper words to explain it myself lmao) named after the drug to imply that it can only be the product of a deranged mind, crack fic is identified by its absurd, surprising, or ridiculous premise. the plotline might be twisted into a knot, the fic might be a thick parody, or the fic might feature an unlikely or rare pairing ("crack pairing"). sometimes random, nonsensical, or stream-of-thought fics are termed crack, but other crack fics proceed logically, in character, and with internal consistency from their bizarre starting points. the former is generally derided by fandom as badfic while the latter is often praised. generally, these are humor pieces.

《 ♡ 》 crossover : this means/implies that two (or more) separate stories/fics, universes, and/or fandoms will be blended or written together as one. fair warning, I've never actually done this before (yesIhaveI'mjusttooembarrassedtoeverlookbackonit), but I'd be happy to do it now :). on the actual fanfic somewhere on the page, it would look like this, for example:ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤmaze runner x hunger games (crossover/au).

《 ♡ 》 fluff : this means that the story/fic will be super soft with light elements and no dark/angsty themes. it's pure comfort with no ill will/intent, nothing dangerous, very safe and fun :). good vibes only, supa' good vibes only/ᐠ♡˕♡マ✨️.

《 ♡ 》 headcanon : these are a list of assorted, non-ordered thoughts on the character(s) that I have. if requested, there can be a specific theme or topic to base these headcannons upon, but as I stated, they're basically just lose thoughts I come up with on the fly (and edit, ofc, I edit all my works to the best of my ability before posting). with context, you'll know whether or not the headcannons are specific, but for example, a title or something could look like this:ㅤdarby harper x clairvoyant!reader (headcannons).

《 ♡ 》 hurt/comfort : it's basically where the fic I write will have plot points/themes/elements that will "hurt" its reader, whether the bad vibes are happening to the character, the reader, or just bad vibes in general. it'll give you all the feels, very depressing and/or dark, but don't worry. you will not end this fic without being comforted and lifted back up in some ways, shape, and/or form.

《 ♡ 》 hurt/comfort/revenge : this one I'm pretty sure I made up, but it's the overall same vibes as hurt/comfort, except also, reader get their revenge >:). I rarely ever see stuff like this get written into fics, so I have to enter my Thanos era and do it myself, apparently. this goes out to all my petty readers out there who still wanna be softly loved: I gotchu, bae, we gon' fuck the person that hurt you up, don't worry🤞🏽.

《 ♡ 》 imagine : these are longer fics with fleshed out plot/themes/thoughts (and probably some of my best works, if you're on the hunt for quality💀). they can range between something short, sweet, and simple, or long ass stories that can even have multiple parts ! as long as there's no one around to stop me, my self control pretty much determines the length of an imagine lmao.

《 ♡ 》 masterlist : a masterlist is a complete list of all my works pertaining to one specific fandom and/or character. in my case, each fandom has its own masterlist filled with all of the characters names, with a complete set of all of the works/content done for them underneath.

《 ♡ 》 oc : this stands for "own character" and would typically be something others request me to do. I, personally, don't really have any oc's that aren't apart of my original works, so...yeah lol. if requested, it might look something like this:ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤpeter parker x ocㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤand then their oc would be described to me so I can write it :).

《 ♡ 》 oneshot : typically my shorter writings, intended to be written off of the top of my head with either very quick closure at the end, or maybe even no closure at all. basically, if you want a glorified cliffhanger (that may or may not ever get finished or a second part), this is what you want, and it'll be specified somewhere on the page of my work.

ooc : this stands for "out of character." this implies that a certain character may behave in a way that differs from what is originally presented in the media they're in. this is usually spoken as a prior warning/apology to some less than high quality writing, but of course, you are always free to request a character to be ooc :).

《 ♡ 》 original work : anything that I write that isn't fanfiction is an original work of mine. it will be specified on the page, so it's not really something that needs to be worried about :).

《 ♡ 》 pov : this stands for "point of view", which is basically something that tells you what/who's perspective you're seeing/reading things from. I rarely do anything that switches between pov's, but that doesn't mean I can't or won't. it's just not my favorite way to write, that's all lol.

《 ♡ 》 prompt : this is a short summary/info-dump on the story. it helps you (reader) to get a feel for what the impending work is about.

《 ♡ 》 scenarios : the way I write them is kind of like a staggered mix of short writings/oneshots and listed thoughts/headcannons. again, these are kind of meant to be written off of the top of my head, no real order, but definitely a little bit more detailed. these are also some of my faves to write ♡.

《 ♡ 》 ship/shipping : it's a play on words from the saying, "that ship has sailed." a ship refers to two characters whom of which you want to get/be/stay together. you root for them, love them, or can even ship a character with yourself (which is the whole point of the fanfic work I do💀). the act of shipping yourself with a character can be what guides you and others into writing "x reader" work.

《 ♡ 》 smut/nsfw : it's word p*rn, guys. that's all it is, it's just written smexxy times between you and your (aged up/of age🫵🏽...) faves. others might be more familiar with the citrus chart (a.k.a. lime, lemons, grapefruit, etc.). I don't do that because I've stated before, I'm probably not going to do anything super heavy/k!nky. nsfw stands for "not safe/suitable for work", and I typically use that acronym as a warning before you start reading anything in an...*coughs*ㅤㅤㅤo p e n environment🥴...

《 ♡ 》 timeline : this informs you (the reader) of the specific time the events in the story/fic transpire. when I write, I personally base the timeline/setting off of, again, ✨️vibes✨️ and what makes most sense. but as always, you are free to request a specific time/order of events for me to write.

《 ♡ 》 tw/content : this will let you know of any possible triggers and what overall content is in the/any content I make. tw stands for "trigger warning".

《 ♡ 》 + reader : in my works/descriptions, the "+" sign in "+ reader" indicates that the relationship between you and whatever character(s) written is sibling-like and/or completely platonic. no romantic feelings whatsoever (unless it's like an unrequited love or something else of the sort type of deal/plot). for example:ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤdamian wayne + reader.

《 ♡ 》 x reader : in this instance, the "x" in the term "x reader" implies that the relationship between two characters is romantic. again, I'm sure that there can be certain exceptions, but for the most part, it's what I said it is. for example:ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤgray fullbuster x reader.

──────────────

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥/𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 -

《 ♡ 》 (e/c) : (eye/color)

《 ♡ 》 (h/c) : (hair/color)

《 ♡ 》 (h/l) : (hair/length)

《 ♡ 》 (n/n) : (nickname)

《 ♡ 》 (p/n) : (petname)

《 ♡ 》 (s/c) : (skin/color)

《 ♡ 》 (s/t) : (skin/tone)

《 ♡ 》 (u/o) : (usual/outfit)

《 ♡ 》 (y/n) : (your/name)

──────────────

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨 -

《 ♡ 》 (f/b) : (favorite/beverage)

《 ♡ 》 (f/c) : (favorite/color)

《 ♡ 》 (f/d) : (favorite/dessert)

《 ♡ 》 (f/f) : (favorite/food)

《 ♡ 》 (f/m/s) : (favorite/movie and/or show)

《 ♡ 》 (f/s) : (favorite/song)

──────────────

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 -

《 ♡ 》 (bsf/n) : (best friend/name)

《 ♡ 》 (bf/n) : (boyfriend/name)

《 ♡ 》 (gf/n) : (girlfriend/name)

《 ♡ 》 (m/n) : (mom/name)

《 ♡ 》 (d/n) : (dad/name)

《 ♡ 》 (b/n) : (brother/name)

《 ♡ 》 (s/n) : (sister/name)

《 ♡ 》 (s/o/n) : (significant other/name)

《 ♡ 》 (c/n) : (cousin/name)

《 ♡ 》 (a/n) : (aunt/name)

《 ♡ 》 (u/n) : (uncle/name)

《 ♡ 》 (gm/n) : (grandma/name)

《 ♡ 》 (gp/n) : (grandpa/name)

──────────────

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐬 -

《 ♡ 》 app : I mean, obviously you know what an app is. but I just mean like, I would let you know what app I used to make a certain edit.

《 ♡ 》 collage : an assortment of pictures edited together to create one (aesthetically pleasing) picture.

《 ♡ 》 duration : the amount of time a video/edit takes to end/how long an edit is.

《 ♡ 》 moodboard : kind of like a collage, it's an assortment of pictured edited together to make one. the difference is that the pictures used focus more on the vibe/aesthetic of the character rather than the character themselves.

《 ♡ 》 pfp : stands for "profile picture."

《 ♡ 》 scenepack : it's a video that holds any and all clips of a certain character or characters that can be used to make edits or for whatever other reasons. in other words, a pack of scenes lol.

──────────────

𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐬 -

《 ♡ 》 cr : current reality. the reality you are currently in at this exact moment in time.

《 ♡ 》 dr : desired reality. the reality you are going to shift your consciousness to.

《 ♡ 》 wr : waiting room/reality. a reality you can shift to where the concept is basically like waiting in a lobby/room to decide where to shift to from there.

《 ♡ 》 subconscious : of or concerning the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one's actions and feelings.

《 ♡ 》 consciousness : the fact of awareness by the mind of itself and the world.

《 ♡ 》 script/scripting : it's basically exactly what it implies. a script (no matter how detailed, short, or long, because you really don't even need to have one) that allows/helps you to focus on exactly what reality you intend to shift to. keep in mind that you do not make/create a "new" reality. you can not create what already exists. you're simply just becoming aware of a reality, and a script can help you do/focus on that.

《 ♡ 》 script/scripting : it's basically exactly what it implies. a script (no matter how detailed, short, or long, because you really don't even need to have one) that allows/helps you to focus on exactly what reality you intend to shift to. keep in mind that you do not make/create a "new" reality. you can not create what already exists. you're simply just becoming aware of a reality, and a script can help you do/focus on that.

《 ♡ 》 shifting : I wish I had the proper words to explain this, so here's a link to a video explanation and another link to some documents instead :)...

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐢𝐭...

...(as if this list wasn't long as hell lmao💀). but hopefully, regardless of length, it was helpful and you found all of the advice/help you needed :). if there's anything you think I should add, though, you can always tell me and I'll be sure to do so.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ/ᐠ-˕-マฅ ~ 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐚 !

[k-n0-x]

🎴˚⋆°˖ ～ 🍂࿔ ฅPlum Blossoms and Butterflies˚⋆°˖ ～ 🍂࿔ ฅ🎴

🪼୧ ‧₊˚ 🎐 ⋅ -a/n- This short fic is one I made a few months ago, and I cleaned it up a bit. This is more of an angsty one, though I promise I’ll make some fluff later on. I’ll always take suggestions ^^ Enjoy ୧ ‧₊˚ 🎐 ⋅🪼

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·

“Tao, you are aware that one of these days you are probably going to get sued due to your…. Insensitive advertising, right?”

Yanfei sighs as the Funeral Director looks back at her with a feigned sullen face, dramatically slumping in her seat

“Aiyah, ‘Fei, what’s wrong with my advertising? The best advertisements are the fun ones, is it not?”

The lawyer was stuck for a moment, because yes, she’d much rather to listen to engaging advertisements than dull ones, although funerals aren’t supposed to be fun, though Hu Tao does try to put the fun in funeral. 

“Well uhm, how do I say this- Tao, funerals aren’t like other events. They are ones that should be carried out while treading lightly. You should know that out of all people. Can you at least promise me that you can make some ads for your business more considerate and empathetic?”

Hu Tao thought for a moment. Of course, Yanfei being a law consultant, she’s obviously right.

“Nuh uh”

“Fuck you mean nuh uh?!” The lawyer’s face is a tomato, and her antlers perk up. She was about to have a complete shoutfest, when the butterfly- eyed girl snickered. 

“Oh you! You were winding me up! Honestly Tao, I literally can’t-“ Yanfei’s rant was cut off by Hu Tao’s laughing. 

The laughing turns into wheezing. 

The wheezing turns into coughing.

The coughing turns into hyperventilating.

The Wangsheng Funeral parlour director doubles over, hand over mouth. Said hand quickly becomes soaked with blood. 

“Tao? Tao!?” Yanfei’s pupils dilate. 

“Not gonna lie ‘Fei, I don’t feel so good-“ Hu Tao’s body crumples to the floor.

“Tao!” The half adeptus hoisted the limp body to face her.

Her skin is cold and pale. Oh god, is she- 

The brown haired girl coughed again, this time, producing multiple bloodied  crumpled petals. 

“Tao, we are going to Bubu pharmacy as soon as possible. Everything is going to be ok,” Yanfei says, trying to convince herself just as much as Hu Tao. 

“‘Fei, a doctor can’t help me,” Yanfei’s heart deflates and breaks into pieces when Hu Tao spoke. The voice was cracked, quiet, so un-lively like, so unlike Hu Tao. 

Then, as quick as lightning strikes, flowers bloom from the back of Hu Tao’s throat and from her chest.

“Yeah, no I will be bringing you to a doctor,” 

“‘Fei, I don’t have a crush on a doctor” 

“What in archons is that supposed to me-“ The realisation hit Yanfei harder than the fact I actually have to study for exams now hit me. 

Hanahaki. Of course. 

“Tao, please, tell me now, who do you love?” Yanfei tries to tug some of the flowers out of the Director’s chest fruitlessly. 

“I- think you know the answer,” 

“What? No I don’t-“

“Yes you do, ‘Fei, we both do,” Hu Tao’s eyes well up. She holds the lawyer’s face in her hands.

Yanfei holds the Director’s hands.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me this? Tao, look at me!” Yanfei begs. The already shattered heart feels like it was being used for kindling.

“No, Yanfei, look at me,” Hu Tao’s voice becomes more hoarse and quiet as she spoke, so Yanfei didn’t argue, but big tear drops welled from her eyes. 

“Look at me, I am a Funeral Director, which by itself is an unsuitable profession. On top of that, I’m already under scrutiny for my personality and my hobbies. I’m perceived 

as weird and strange. Literally everyone in this archons be damned nation hates me, even if they don’t know me personally. Except you, ‘Fei. But know, I don’t know, clearly you only took interest in me simply because of your profession and you probably pity me. 

Obviously you will take interest in someone who is respectable by society, someone great like Xinqiu, or-“

“You think I’d like Xinqiu?” Yanfei’s face contorts into a face of disgust.

“Why are you beefing with him ‘Fei?! What did bro do to you?!” Hu Tao laughs quite weakly given her state and Yanfei wishes she could too, but she is too wrapped up in the fact that this could be the last time she could ever hear that, not to mention that the director is being serious right now, which means Yanfei doesn’t have a lot of time.

“Tao, Tao! Listen to me. I love you! I love you with all my heart because you actually have a personality that’s fun and endearing and you’re exciting to be around. I didn’t come to you out of law concerns, but out of interest,” Yanfei holds Hu Tao’s face, which seems to be more and more white and cold by the second. 

Hu Tao looks up and Yanfei. “It’s too late for me now…. I’ll see you on the other side” She lets out her final breath and her vision dims, which brings Yanfei to a startling stop. Everything around her starts spinning and she can’t move.

A person was in her hands.

A dead one…. 

She tried to scream for help and rushed to someone to call for Baizhu, but when she came back, where Hu Tao should be, there was nothing except plum blossoms and butterflies scattered amongst them….

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·

[five-bi-five-mind]

hi!! was wondering if u could do a jealous jjxreader fic? be as angsty as u want lol i love angst and i hope u do too🤞

It's Killing Me

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: JJ x fem!Reader

Genre: Smutty angst. That's all it is really.

Words: 4.5k+

Summary: All you wanted to do was get over JJ and find someone new, but she wasn't going to let that happen.

Warnings: top!JJ, bottom!Reader, jealous JJ, fingering, semi-public sex, a little bit of angry sex, lots of mentions of alcohol, very very slight bit of dubcon (just wanted to warn about it just in case).

A/N: So this wasn't as angsty as I thought it would be. Lots of anger in it though I think. Hope this was angsty enough though! If not I can give it another go ;)

(gif not mine; credit to sapphicprentiss)

It was supposed to be a fun night. A night filled with too many drinks, meaningless flirting, maybe even a messy hookup. That’s what you were promised at least when Garcia practically begged you to agree to this.

You asked her for one simple thing in return for begrudgingly saying yes: no profilers. It wasn’t that you had a problem with them. Honestly, you wouldn’t mind if a few of them came along, but you couldn’t just single one out without getting asked a thousand questions from Garcia. You knew how curious she could be. She already had been poking a little too much at the sour mood you’ve been sporting for almost a month now. 

She didn’t have to be a profiler to know something was up with you, which is partially why you agreed to tonight. A night out might distract her from getting to the bottom of your bad mood and, if you were being honest, you hoped it would distract you from it too.

While party scenes weren’t your thing, you were hoping the loud music, countless dancing bodies, and a decent amount of alcohol would get you out of your own head. And after two drinks and a pretty girl pulling you away from Penelope to go dance, it was almost working. The bad mood was quickly leaving your mind with each song that played and with each moment the girl’s hands roamed your body as you danced. When she started whispering things in your ear it felt like almost every ounce of your bad mood was dissipating. All the while Penelope was nearby grinning each time she looked over to you. Another drink in, and you began to have hope that tonight would give you the boost you needed to move on.

Except, when you pulled away from the girl you made a mistake. You only were leaving for a moment to get water, take a moment to sober up just a little before you made the decision to let this stranger take you home. But when you stumbled through the crowd of dancing patrons to the bar that’s when you caught sight of her. The person you were avoiding, the reason for your bad mood. JJ stood at the bar with Garcia, laughing and talking together as if she was expected to be there. 

Your stomach dropped. All the progress you made tonight just went out the window. Any thoughts of having a meaningless fling to make you feel better was gone and in flooded all the pain and heartache you so desperately wanted to forget. 

Dignity be damned, you were not going to stay here any longer. Sure the girl on the dance floor was cute, and she was saying things to you that on any other day would’ve made you melt. But seeing JJ cracked open a wound you were meant to start healing tonight. The plan now was to turn and run. You’d text Garcia later. Maybe lie and say that another girl took you home. All you wanted was to call an Uber and crawl into your bed now. A total 180 from how you were feeling just moments ago.

Only, of fucking course, you can’t even do that. Before you can even begin to turn JJ’s eyes lock on yours. You feel like a deer caught in the headlights. Fuck it, you think, you’d absolutely still turn around and ignore her. Except, then Garcia sees you and gives you a sheepish smile before waving you over. 

It takes you only a moment to weigh your options. Knowing Garcia, if you still left now she would have an onslaught of questions for you in the morning. You didn’t want to deal with that, there’s only so many lies you can tell about the situation. 

You took your sweet time making it through the crowd to where Penelope and JJ were. Unfortunately, JJ never took her eyes off you and you felt like you were being suffocated by the weight of her stare. She threw you a gentle smile but you knew it was fake. A mask to further hide the truth from Garcia. Her eyes said it all though. There was a rage there, deep and fierce and it chilled you to the bone. Somehow, you knew the rest of your night was about to be a train wreck. 

“(Y/N) hey” JJ greets you innocently enough when you finally reach them. 

“What are you doing here?” You couldn’t help the slight hint of aggression in your voice. “I mean… what brings you out tonight?”

JJ and Garcia exchange a look that you definitely didn’t miss, before JJ returned to staring you down. That same fake smile plastered to her face.

“Penelope knew I was spending my night alone, so she invited me.” 

“Oh,” was all you could manage to say as your eyes shifted to your very guilty looking friend. She mouthed the word sorry before giving a guilty smile. You rolled your eyes at her, trying to play it off as no big deal. But inside you were having an absolute melt down. How were you going to make this situation seem as a normal as possible while also making an excuse to not stay much longer? You figured one more drink would satisfy Garcia, and then you’d make the excuse that you’ve had a little too much alcohol and should probably go sleep it off.

“I’m going to get a drink,” JJ snaps you out of your thoughts. “Anybody want anything?” 

“Yes” Garcia and you say in unison. 

“What do you want, Penelope?” 

“Hmm get me something fruity. Surprise me.” And with that, JJ walked to the other end of the bar to flag down the bartender. She never asked you what you wanted, but then you realized she didn’t have to. She already knew your go-to. And the fact that she did irked you for some reason, bringing the rest of your bad mood back in full swing.

“Don’t make that face,” Garcia poked you in the rib to bring you out of your thoughts. 

“What face?”

“The grumpy one,” she pointed at you accusingly. “I know you said no profilers, but it’s just JJ. You can relax. She’s not going to analyze you here.” That’s exactly what she’s going to do. That’s exactly what she always does these days. Any moment you’re in a room with her back at the BAU. You can feel her eyes on you, you can tell she’s taking in your every word and action. 

“I know they all can be intimidating, but let your guard down a little bit,” Garcia continues. “JJ is fun, I promise.” Letting your guard down with JJ is what got you into this horrible headspace. 

“Here,” JJ comes up from behind you, startling you as she hands you your drink. She’s entirely too close, practically pressed right up against you as she stands by you and begins to sip hers. It feels like your entire being is entirely too aware of her presence. She makes no effort to move either. She just continues to chat away with Garcia as you try to drink your drink quickly so you can leave. With each passing second of standing near her, you felt yourself grow more and more on edge. 

Finally, you had finished your drink. Going at a pace that was a little too fast for a semi-lightweight like you, but normal enough that Garcia wouldn’t question it. JJ probably knew exactly what you were doing, but, frankly, you didn’t give a fuck.

“Hey, I’m gonna head out,” You say as you place your empty glass back on the bar.

“Oh no you’re not!” Garcia gives you an exaggerated frown. “You’re not leaving here until you at least get a cutie’s number.” You didn’t miss the way JJ’s hand clenched around her drink as Penelope said that. “What happened to that girl you were dancing with? By the way it looked, you two were getting really familiar.” 

You had completely forgotten about her. Looking back to the dance floor you scanned the crowd, catching a glimpse of her. She was already dancing with someone else. It didn’t bother you, though. Any idea of a fun hookup was long gone the moment you saw JJ. 

You just shrugged and hoped Garcia would drop it. 

“You really need to have more fun. Go hook up, get a little messy. Here, me and JJ will totally set you up.” JJ’s jaw clenched at this but she still put on a fake smile and nodded along with Garcia. Pretending like her blood wasn’t boiling at the thought. “There’s plenty of girls who’ve had their eye on you all night. One of them has to be your type. Wait, what is your type?”

“I don’t really have-“

“Blondes.” JJ interrupted, throwing you a devilish smirk. One that challenged and infuriated you. 

Penelope paused for a moment, her eyes shifting for just a second curiously between the two of you. You rolled your eyes at JJ, hoping Garcia wouldn’t think much of it and you could play it off as a joke. 

“That’s not enough to go on,” Garcia finally said, “but alright. Let’s find you a blonde.” 

She scanned the place for a potential match and you kept your eyes glued to your empty glass sitting on the bar. You were going to need another drink to survive the discomfort of the situation. But you knew one more drink was not something you’d be able to handle.

“Oh, what about her?” Garcia’s pointing was definitely not as sly as you’d want it to be. “She’s been glancing at you all night long.” 

“She’s cute, I guess,” you just shrug. You couldn’t say much more, not when JJ was monitoring your every move as you turned to look at the girl Garcia picked out for you. 

Unfortunately, you also weren’t as sly as you wanted to be. The girl across the bar glanced at you again, this time throwing you a wink and a flirtatious smile before giving you a little wave.

“Oh my god, you have to go over there,” Garcia practically bounced with joy as she saw the little interaction the girl threw your way. “Let her buy you a drink!” 

“Penelope, I don’t really know…” You really did not want to talk to this girl with JJ glaring you down the whole time. 

“Go! Go!” She wasn’t giving you a choice. 

You sigh in frustration and finally nod, turning to go force yourself to flirt with this stranger. Except, you didn’t get very far without tripping. On what? You weren’t sure, but you swear it was JJ’s foot and it wasn’t there before. The results of this was your worst nightmare though. You hadn’t realized JJ was that close to you still, yet you stumbled up on her to catch yourself, as the only way to keep yourself from falling was unfortunately to grab onto JJ. 

It didn’t end there though, of course it didn’t end there. Your hands latched onto the arm that was holding her drink and in a blink of an eye, it was all over you. You were utterly mortified, yet also incredibly angry. What was nagging at you was the immediate thought that JJ was more coordinated than that. That her drinking spilling all over you was a little more dramatic than it needed to be. That you couldn’t pinpoint exactly what you tripped on, and swore it was JJ’s strategic foot placement. 

“Fuck…” You groaned as you looked at your now drenched shirt. 

“Oh shit,” JJ feigned concern. “At least you didn’t fall.” 

You looked up at her for a moment to glare before looking back at your ruined outfit. 

“I’m going to dry off and then I’m going home.” 

“Let me go with you and help,” JJ offered. You could tell there was a motive to that. And there it was, the absolute proof you needed that she indeed caused you to trip. This was all planned just to stop you from getting that girl’s number.

“I’m fine. I don’t need help.” 

“It’s no problem, I insist.” JJ looks down at you. Her eyes are stern, dark. She’s challenging you to refute her, but she knew you wouldn’t. It would just cause Garcia to question, and you didn’t miss the curious stares she was giving you already. 

“Okay,” you sighed and started to make your way to the bathroom. JJ followed behind, still staying entirely too close. When you began to turn the wrong way, JJ’s hand pressed to your back to guide you in a different direction and you tensed up at the feeling. 

You don’t know if it was a relief or not when you entered the bathroom to find that it was completely empty. On one hand, no one could see you clean yourself off in shame. On the other hand, you were now completely alone with the one person you’ve tried so hard to avoid. What you didn’t notice was the click of the lock, as JJ turned it behind you.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing trying to hook up with random strangers?” JJ rounded on you almost immediately. You had barely even reached for paper towels to dry yourself off, when you realized she was already in your face. 

“It’s none of your business.” You tried to square your shoulders. To act tough, even when she was staring you down with a fiery glare. 

“It is absolutely my fucking business, (Y/N).” 

“We broke up three weeks ago. I can hook up with whatever stranger I want. Plus, I wasn’t even doing anything, only dancing. Trying to have fun for once.” 

“Only dancing?” JJ scoffed. “I saw the way she was touching you. She was all over you. Practically fucking you on the dance floor for everyone to see.” 

“You were watching us the whole time?” Your eyes widened in shock. How long had she actually been at the club? 

“Of course I was,” JJ snapped. “When someone touches what’s mine, I’m going to fucking notice.” 

“I’m not yours anymore, JJ, remember?” You snapped back with fierceness. It may have been the alcohol you had, although you were sobering up quickly, but you could already feel the sting of tears threatening to spill. “Is this why you came? To keep tabs on me? To make sure I didn’t fuck anyone?” 

“Yes,” JJ hissed. 

You were taken aback by that. She was absolutely seething, practically shaking with anger. You’ve never even seen her like this before. Your back hit the counter in the bathroom and you didn’t even notice you’d been backing up as she kept inching closer. 

“JJ, we broke up,” Your voice was not as firm as you wanted it to be at this moment. “You didn’t want to go public. Remember? So this,” You motioned between the two of you, “right now, is going to make it painfully obvious that there’s something between us. You can’t just stop me from seeing other people.”

“I can,” JJ’s hands suddenly grabbed at your waist. “And I fucking will.” To emphasize her point you felt her entire body suddenly press to your front. It made your head spin to have her so close again. But it also made your stomach churn in disgust at your own desperation for her.

“JJ...” You warned, your hands bracing on her shoulders. “This isn’t a good idea.” It really wasn’t. You weren’t going to fall down the dark void that was loving Jennifer Jareau again. Not that you ever even stopped. The whole time you were together it was a bumpy road. There were so many nights filled with screaming matches. You didn’t want to be her dirty little secret anymore. You wanted to tell people that she was your girlfriend and that you two were in love. But she was afraid. She wouldn’t even hold your hand in public in case someone on the team just happened to be there. It would hurt every time. It started to feel like all she wanted you around for was to fuck and, in the moment, it was great and she made you feel amazing. But then there were times afterwards where she would close herself off, leave you there like it meant nothing and it broke your heart a little more each time. 

There were many times where you were close to telling her you had enough, but each time she would stop you and make you forget all about leaving her. But then there was the one time you put your foot down. It took all of your strength to walk out the door. You didn’t have that strength tonight. 

“Please, JJ,” she was kissing on your neck now and your hands balled into fists on her shirt. You weren’t sure if you were trying to push her off or pull her closer. 

“You don’t know how much it fucking kills me to see someone else’s hands on you,” she seethed against your skin as her lips made their way to your ear. “You’re mine. No one else is allowed to touch you like I do.” You couldn’t help the shiver that went down your spin. You should be refusing this, actually fight back, but you just couldn’t help it. 

Her hand slid behind your head, grabbing a fist full of your hair. She pulled back for just a moment, before using her grip to pull you forward and meet her lips in a searing kiss. And, god, did this kiss make you absolutely melt. It was all tongue and teeth. She kissed you with such force that your head was spinning. Her tongue pried your lips open and slid into your mouth and you couldn’t hold back the gasp when you felt it slide against hers. Suddenly, you found your body giving into the feeling of her all over you. Your fists relaxed on her shoulders and you tried to kiss her back with as much desperation as she was giving you. 

Her hand released its grip on your hair, only so she could move both of them down to the backs of your thighs to hoist you onto the bathroom counter. You let out a yelp of surprise against her lips as you felt yourself being lifted, but neither of you once broke the kiss. Without even thinking, you hooked your legs around her hips and pulled her even closer. In the back of your mind, there was still a tiny voice begging you to push her away. Yet, you continued to ignore it. This is what you’ve been craving for weeks and the minute JJ kissed your lips, you knew you couldn’t deny that anymore. All you wanted was her, that feeling never went away. How could you once have thought you could just hook up with someone else? Let someone else touch you? How could you think for a second that you weren’t always going to be hers. You had just been fooling yourself the entire night.

JJ pulled back from the kiss finally, only to reattach her lips to your neck while her hands made their way down your stomach to the button of your pants. Maybe you shouldn’t be doing this in the bathroom, you thought about it for a second. But then she was popping the button open and slipping her hand right past your underwear too.

“Fuck,” JJ groaned as her fingers slid up and down through your folds. “Is this for me?”

All you could do was whimper as you felt the tips of her fingers brush over your clit, once, twice. You couldn’t stop your hips from chasing the feeling, but each time you tried to get more contact she’d move her fingers away.

“I said, did I make you this wet?” JJ’s fingers were barely touching you now and you huffed in frustration. “Or was this for that girl you were trying to fuck?”

“I wasn’t-” you were cut off with a gasp when you felt the palm of JJ’s hand press down hard onto your clit. “Fuck! It’s for you, okay? I’m only this wet because of you.” She barely started touching you and you were already such a mess for her.

“That’s what I thought,” JJ taunted as she began to rub the palm of her hand against your clit at a rough pace. You couldn’t help the grind of your hips against her hand and you buried your face into her shoulder to muffle the pathetic sounds of your whimpering. 

But you needed more. You needed to feel her again, to have her closer. It had been less than a month since the last time you were with her, but right now that felt like a lifetime. You needed to feel JJ fill you and take what was hers. As if reading your mind, that’s exactly what JJ did. Sliding two fingers inside you without warning you tried to hide your moan in the crook of JJ’s neck. 

“Fuck, I’ve missed this,” JJ groaned as her fingers set an unforgiving pace. She was fucking her fingers into you hard and fast. Part of you wanted to make it last, part of you was ashamed that you were letting this happen in the first place, and another, larger part of you wanted her to make you cum quick. At any minute someone could walk into that bathroom and see you looking like an absolute mess, trying to fuck yourself on JJ’s fingers to match her pace and chase your orgasm. Not to mention, Garcia was still out there waiting for you both to return. 

When JJ curled her fingers inside you just right your hands clenched back into fists on her shirt. You couldn’t keep yourself quiet and desperately tried to muffle the whines and moans that she was forcing out of you. When she started pumping her fingers in even harder, causing her palm to rub against your clit again, you could feel yourself clench around her. 

“This right here?” JJ’s voice was dripping with lust as she thrust her fingers into you particularly hard. “This pussy is mine.” You could feel your legs shaking as her speed increased. She was being incredibly rough, but you loved every single moment of it. 

JJ’s free hand found its way into your hair again, prying you from where your face was buried in her chest to force you to make eye contact. “Say it,” JJ growled.

“Say what?” You could barely form those two words. Her fingers slowed and you couldn’t stop the pathetic whine that came from your lips, your hips trying to pick up the pace. You were so close and her slowly down was leaving you painfully right at the edge. Not able to cum, even though you desperately needed to. 

“Say who you belong to.” JJ pulled you closer until her lips ghosted yours. “Say it and you get to cum.”

You groaned in frustration but knew you had to give in. She always did this, took all control from you and left you a desperate mess for her. But fuck, did you love it. 

“You,” you moaned out as your hips kept moving to encourage her to keep her fingers pumping inside you.

“Good girl,” JJ mocked and then returned to her brutal pace. It took only a few more seconds of her fingers sliding in and out of you, before you were on that edge again. And when she finally pressed her lips firmly against yours again you felt yourself falling over. Her lips muffled the moan that ripped out of you when you came.

Both of you stayed there for a moment. Her fingers still inside you as you both caught your breath. But then JJ pulled away, slipping her hand out of your pants and turning past you without a word to wash the cum off her fingers. You sat there on the counter and watched in silence. Your mind still hadn’t caught up with what just happened, and honestly you still weren’t recovered from the powerful orgasm she drew out of you. 

She didn’t say anything as you watched her dry her hands. And when you watched her turn the lock and walk out, she didn’t so much as look back at you.

That familiar feeling suddenly came back in full force. The feeling of shame that you gave in like you always do. The feeling of being treated only as property by JJ yet again. 

You shook your head, you weren’t gonna have a break down in the club bathroom after this. No, you were going to go back out there and act as if nothing happened. You’d tell Garcia you were going home, and then you could process the night’s unfortunate turn all you wanted. At least if you cried, it would be in the comfort of your own bed.

Pushing yourself off the counter you made quick work to clean yourself up and burst out of the bathroom. Walking towards where Garcia was with your head held high. 

“I’m heading out,” you said as you stopped at Garcia. “Where’s JJ though?” You couldn’t help, but ask. Hoping JJ would see the way you were trying to pretend like you were unphased. 

“Getting another drink over there!” Garcia pointed to where JJ was currently talking to the bartender. She looked back to where you were, locking eyes for only a moment before returning to ordering a drink. But in that brief moment she made your blood boil yet again, throwing you a knowing look as if she could see right through your facade. 

“Okay, yeah” you mumbled. “So I’ll see you.”

You didn’t give Garcia a chance to say anything more as you pushed through the crowd of drunken people to get to the exit. Fuck, you were furious. Your hands were shaking and you could feel that you wouldn’t make it to your apartment before tears started to fall. How could you do this to yourself again? How could you let her have her way with you only to throw you aside yet again? 

You knew that on Monday everything would go back to the way it was. She would pretend like you two were merely coworkers, that she didn’t know you at all, that she didn’t have her fingers buried knuckle deep inside you in a public place two days before. Fuck why did you let her do that? 

The following weeks were going to be unbearable for you. You already knew that. Now, you are starting at square one again. Not that you made much progress getting over her in the first place. But you wouldn’t falter again, not after tonight. No, this was the last time.

But then you felt your phone vibrate and somehow you knew. There it was, a text from her, a text that immediately made you break your promise to yourself. 

Be at my place. I’ll follow soon. 

And without a second thought, you called the Uber. A few minutes later you were waiting outside JJ’s door. 

taglist: @louderfortheback

Join my taglist here

[zarnzarn]

Stolitz fic rec!!

||

I'm going to just drop my favorite stolitz fics here.

They run at night by @wearemisfortune

Blitzo is always moving because when his body stops, his mind races. This almost always leads to a terrible fucking idea.

Tonight is no different—but the result will be.

-lovely angst, lovely climax, and it captures Blitz's line of thinking in a serious tone but in a way still feels authentic to the character. And I'm ALWAYS a sucker for the sheer unconditional trust trope.

Junctures by @sluttycrimehat

To everything, there is a season.

-I still am in complete awe of how the author managed to fit so much in such little time. The bit at the end always fucking gets me, I love it so MUCH.

The last general by @curtailed

It's in a month after, with Stolas spent and lying on his side, that Blitzo finally musters up the courage to tell him.

-Hello??? BEAUTIFUL post-harvest moon fic, wonderful vibes, love how well they know each other in this one, the trust is amazing. Love it.

You got everything that I want by @bipridemoth

Stolas can’t recall a time where “love” wasn’t synonymous with “pain” for him.

With Blitzo, it’s not love. So, there’s no pain. Stolas doesn’t let there be pain, at least not emotionally, the physical pain is something he quite enjoys. When Blitzo leaves after their monthly night together, he doesn’t allow himself to feel pain, only anticipation of the next time. He likes that there’s always a next time, even though that’s because of his active incentive more than anything else. But that’s alright, he doesn’t want Blitzo to come see him without an incentive. He deserves favors in turn for what he’s giving Stolas.

-Stolas angst!!!! The angst really is delicious in this one, with just as nice of a happy ending. Blitz is confident about the relationship, which is Wonderful to read and the "I know where this is going" segment had me in TEARS.

Between fairy tales and realities by @coloringthegreyscale

Blitzo's a complicated imp and Striker and Stolas accept that. But what happens when the two worlds he's made for himself collide together for one night? Well...

-Okay, so yes, this is striker/blitz/stolas, but it's so good. All three of them have a lovely dynamic, managing to work out somehow, with powerful Stolas, wonderful Blitz and a HILARIOUS Striker. Go read the series, it's a lot of fun and has many cute interactions that made me smile.

The look by @seireileafy

Blitz has been noticing a change in Stolas.

-It's such a CUTE drabble, I adore when one person can tell the other is pining for them, and the LAST LINE FUCKING GETS ME EVERY TIME-

Instead I made my bed with apathy by @thebooklord15

Just like every night before this one, Blitzo glared at the form next to him, already lulled into the bliss of slumber. He had never meant for things to turn out this way-he’d gotten the grimoire already, he didn’t need this man and from the way Stolas treated him it was clear he did not need the imp either.

And yet.

-Jcjdkafj this one is so GOOD I love blitz being pissed off yet too deep in to stop, and like I've said for others already THAT LAST LINE, PLEASE-

Call and response by anon

It was a love story, maybe.

-short but deliciously angsty, with some beautiful imagery, really nice dialogue, and time-doesn't-exist-in-this-motel-room vibes. Love it.

Shovel proof by @kereea

Octavia tries to give Blitzo the shovel talk. He decides to help with that.

-FUCKING cute, love the Octavia/Blitz dynamic, and it has snappy fun dialogue!! Really sweet.

Reaching out, touching me, touching you by @allmightshipserasermic

Stolas hasn’t been able to preen sufficiently in quite awhile, since Stella refuses to do it for him anymore. Blitzo offers to help.

-PREENING FIC is there anything more I have to say?

The skin you could have by @coloringthegreyscale

Stolas catches Blitzo staring and it leads to some talk, some magic, and a little bit of fun.

-Again, BEAUTIFUL dynamic between the two, lots of angsty tenderness, and lovely body imagery.

Different shapes by @sirdust

“Before the exorcist, he taketh the image and shape of a man.”

Blitz catches a glimpse of Stolas’ human form.

-okay, practically a direct opposite of the previous fic, but SO GOOD, I can't describe it. Love the imagery and their comfortable relationship.

A helluva mess by @stratumgermanitivum

It’s not like Stolas isn’t a hot piece of ass, because he is.

And it’s not like Blitzo’s blind or anything, because he isn’t.

It’s just that there’s pleasure, and then there’s business, and never the twain shall meet. (Unless he finally gets Moxx on board with that threeway, in which case, Blitzo fully intends to christen every damn surface of the office except his precious Loony’s desk.)

-AMAZING, love the pining and denial on both sides it's so great especially since you can tell both sides know that they've messed up. Again, LAST LINE!!

Eat the whole cake (it's what you deserve) by @okoyik

"His Highness is on the phone for you, sir," Moxxie says.

Blitzo makes a face. "Who?"

"Stolas," Moxxie supplies, as if that's supposed to help Blitzo understand. His expression is surely one of complete confusion as he stares at the other imp.

"Who the fuck is Stolas?" Blitzo asks slowly, racking his brain for a face to put to the name.

-

Blitzo's memory starts to slip, and all he knows is he needs that owl that seems to haunt his nightmares to stay away.

-HELLO it's only on one out of four chapters for now but it's already SO GOOD I can't WAIT for the rest!!!

Stand tall, but your hands are shaking by @remymorton

It’s been a month since the Harvest Moon festival. Another full moon night arrived, and after that... Blitz ... He's not well.

-wordless cute comfort, truly very sweet, I love it.

Palaces and souvenirs by @cloudysonder

So Stolas is objectively. Objectively. Attractive. Kinda soft-looking, sometimes. Pretty. Whatever. Fuckin’ whatever. That’s always been a thing. Blitzo knew that, Stolas definitely knew that-- whatever.

"This is not," Blitzo thinks, sounding a little bit desperate even to himself, "some sort of revelation."

His flicks of the lighter get a little more unstable, a little more frustrated.

A clawed hand reaches over and takes hold of the lighter, lighting Blitzo’s cigarette with practiced ease, as if he’d done the same thing a thousand times before (He has, Blitzo realizes).

“Silly Blitzy,” he giggles quietly, giving Blitzo a soft pat on the head before curling up beside him, stretching one last time before closing his eyes to sleep.

Blitzo feels warm.

"This," Blitzo tells himself, and it sounds like a command, "will not be a problem."

-I saw the start of this fic on Twitter and have been following it religiously ever since. It's really a gorgeous fic, three chapters up, with the promise of a Great slow burn, fun dialogue and Octavia & Blitz bonding. The level of denial Blitz is in even as he moves comfortably around every aspect of Stolas' life cracks me tf up.

Can't by @hazbincalifornia

Blitzo realizes he feels something something that he doesn't want to feel. This was supposed to be simple.

-feelings realization fic, wonderful, amazing, lovely, also the exact same way I realized I was gay, funnily enough (girl fell asleep in my lap and I was like oh. Oh fuck.)

Too late to stop by @malkaviancake

Stolas spends some time with his thoughts, realizing that his feelings for Blitzo aren't as one sided as he presumed.

-GORGEOUS vocab, I'm truly very obsessed with it. Like most of these stories, LAST LINE!!!!

Itchy with want, thin on sleep by me

It happens in parts- both falling in love and having his eyes opened.

-I will,, finish this one day, but for now here's a few in between moments before they have The Conversation.

Heaven in hiding by me

Their nights together are good, they always are, both of their tastes lining up to be shockingly compatible, but on the days where they end early and they get to spend some extra time cleaning up in comfortable silence or playful banter- and Blitz would rather take a bullet than admit this out loud- but those nights are pretty great too.

-AFTERCARE FIC, I had to write an aftercare fic ft. Good dom Blitz, Stolas taking care of him in return and a comfortable relationship that they both know is going to cause Problems in the future :)

Love in the bones and sinews of this curse by me

Five times Stolas and Blitz needed the grimoire to break a curse + one time they didn't.

-self explanatory. I tried to make it as funny as possible, everyone bickers a lot and Blitz brings Stolas flowers and gifts, what more could you need?

Life is a curse (love makes it worse) by me

"Alright!" Blitz says, clapping his hands together, "Weapons out, and-"

Half pull out some gun or the other, but half just look at him blankly. Blitz wishes for death.

"Save me from this family," He mutters under his breath, "Okay. Take these then." He passes out the few weapons he'd brought along with him and doesn't ask if they know how to use them because if he hears a no, he's giving up and going back home. "Stick close and talk loudly so the others can hear us. Let's go."

They move out, Blitz taking the lead and the rest forming a circle close behind him, starting up a loud conversation about the neighbour's garden. It gives him enough time to wonder exactly what the fuck he's doing here, in a nightmare world with a bunch of pretentious snobs, searching for his stupid Ars Goetia boyfriend, instead of sleeping in his nice lumpy bed back at home.

-a sequel to the previous fic!!! I had to write some Octavia and Blitz bonding, and accidentally added in a bunch of teenage imps who work for Stolas who imprint on Blitz immediately. And there's Eldritch Stolas, protective boyfriends and found family!!! The whole shebang!!!

This ended up being Much longer than I'd expected, but genuinely every fic up there is really good, go check em out!!!!

[love-fireflysong]

welllll hey there, hi there, ho there! the past couple days have gotten ya gurl in a bit of a slump so pardon me if i'm being a little greedy, but i would LOVE to hear about some of your projects, SO. how'd ya feel about telling us a little more about "mystery solving," "body swap au," aaand "there was only one bed?" ;P

fic folder over here buckos!

I mean I already answered mystery solving but I suppose I can spoil you and answer the rest ;P *cracks knuckles* Let's do this.

Unfortunately, my idea for body swap au is extremely lackluster in that I have very little idea about what it's gonna be right now. Because the prompt being what it is, I can't exactly shove it into Until Dawn easily due to the whole magical nature of the basis of it, so this one is going to be a firmly Tales of Phantasia piece (and more than likely archeshter based knowing me lol). Rough idea I have so far is that due to a spell going wrong, or even possibly an effect of a dungeon or something, Arche and Chester (with possibly the others as well) have switched bodies and shenanigans with not exactly small amount of angst ensue. That's it. Idea is SUPER rough and I don't have much for it, plus it ToP based so no one here is gonna read it anyways lol.

But there was only one bed? Oh oh oh oh, do I have plans for that one! This one takes place strictly in the outlast au, specifically during the break out and all of that fallout that results. So obviously climbing chrash, with the fun added benefit of THREE people being 'forced' to share the same bed lol. It would take place directly following Chris, Ashley, and Josh finally meeting up and seeing each other in person for the first time in nearly six months. And the first thing they do? Well they go scouring the admin block for an empty room/bed so they can get some fucking sleep.

No smut in this one, it would just be a really angsty and sad fic about three touch-starved and hopelessly in love people finally being able to be with each other again and taking advantage of that fact the only way they can. By holding each other close on a too small bed as they wait for someone (or something) to come and literally rip them apart.

I've mentioned before that this was going to be the og ending the the outlast au, but scrapped it for one that would be more drawn out and even more upsetting and angstier if you can believe it lol. And certain events that take place there would have made the bed sharing impossible unfortunately. But I loved the feeling that this scene/ending invoked so much that I was determined to keep and use it anyways for something else, and that bingo prompt was the perfect excuse!

[scarecrow-supremacy]

A/N: Oookieee, so I decided to start writing a new fic bc I have great ideas for a story line. Yet I can’t bring myself I writing an actual beginning. Like I’ve already written some random chapters, but I can’t do anything with them because they don’t really make much sense without the context of the rest of the fic/my ideas. Like this chapters is where the romance/actual x reader gets into actual action. Hopefully you get the gist of what the plot is, and aren’t confused as hell from this part. Sorry if it’s a bit long, it’s around 4.8k-ish words. Enjoy 💜

Hatake Kakashi wasn't one to celebrate his birthday.

He simply thought that they were foolish excuses to let loose and party. To Kakashi, birthdays were no reason to be happy and celebrate. They were just reminders of how long he had endured the pain of living. Each year marked another without the people he once held close in his heart. His father, his sensei, his teammates, and (y/n)...

The day that (y/n) gone on that horrible mission was his special day. The mission he was supposed to go on, but (y/n) filled in for because she wanted him to go celebrate with Gai and the others. So much for having the day of joy...Kakashi thought to himself mournfully.

With a great sigh, he grabbed the last of his belonging, shoving them in his mission pack. He'd promised to take his students out of a group mission for the day, but it had been mostly for selfish reasons. Kakashi had hoped that this would take his mind off of the weight in his soul, yet knowing that his efforts would be futile. The loss would never leave him, it would always follow him like a darned shadow. It would forever haunt him. There was not letting go of the horrors of his past.

Slowly, Kakashi strolled to the gates of Konoha to meet his kids, shoving his hands in his pockets as he mumbled a little tune under his breath. The dark cloudy sky and drizzling rain seemed to mirror how he felt inside.

Drip, drop. Drop, drop. Drop, drop.

Each raindrop fell upon the dirt paths of the town, dampening Kakashi's Jonin uniform. If only he'd gone on that mission, if only he hadn't let (y/n) take his place. If only so many things that happened hadn't. If only he felt whole again. He could feel the heavyweight of guilt on his shoulders, spreading pain throughout his body. Sure, Team 7 filled the void, but they could only do so much. If there is one thing I wish for, it is that these kids will grow up to be happy.

A soft smile played upon Kakashi's face as he approached the three teens. "KAKASHI-SENSEI!" His hyperactive blonde student, Uzumaki Naruto, yelled at him, "YOU'RE LATE-TTEBAYO!" He raised his fist in anger. Sakura glared at both Kakashi and Naruto, slapping the boy's back to calm him down. Off to the side stood Sasuke, his hands in his pockets as he briefly kicked the dirt and pebbles around him to form his clan's symbol. "Usuratonkachi," he grumbled at the group. To be honest, Kakashi did feel a little guilty about keeping the kids waiting for him. They were being held back just because he was wallowing in self-pity. And Kakashi felt ashamed of that; ordering his mind to push his thoughts further to the back of his mind.

Kotetsu and Izumo, guards of the gates, turned to the team and smiled in greeting. "The gate opening mechanism is broken, so we have to manually open the gates," they explained. "Heading out yet again, eh?" Kotetsu chuckled. "I thought you lot just came back from a mission. Ya leaving so soon?" Izumo asked. Naruto pumped his hand into the air, "Yeah! Dattebayo! It's only a C rank, but it'll be fun-ttebayo!"

He's a lot like you, eh Obito, Kakashi's mind wandered as he looked up at the clouded sky, a drop of rain fell upon his nose and slid down his mask. If only you, Minato-sensei, and Rin were here to see us in action. You would be proud.

But what about (y/n)? Part of Kakashi was surprised that he didn't think of her immediately. Did he still believe that she could've been alive? After the Hokage had told him that he'd lost contact with (y/n), Kakashi didn't know what to think. It had been 3,650 days since she left. 3,589 since she was supposed to come back. And 3,529 days since they fully lost contact. What were the chances she'd come back, alive or injured? Kakashi wanted to believe that she was still alive. Was that realistic?

"She's gone, Kakashi! You need to understand that!" He flashed back to when Asuma, Gai, and Kurenai had tried to slap some sense into him. Well actually, Kurenai had slapped him. "Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura gently tugged his sleeve, straining her arm up so her red umbrella would also cover his head. "Are you okay? You've been spacing out a lot lately." She whispered as she looked up at him.

"I'm fine, Rin," Kakashi weakly smiled, "It's nothing that you should worry about." Sakura flashed him a questioning look, "Rin?" Sucking the air, Kakashi's whole body tensed up, "Sorry." He looked away, turning his attention to the bickering Sasuke and Naruto. "Just a little mix-up, Sakura." He put on a fake smile, breaking up the boy's fight. "Let's go, shall we?"

"Alright! Shanaroo!"

"Dattebayo!"

Kotetsu and Izumo went to open the gates but stopped to exchange worrisome glances. "Someone just knocked from the other side of the gates. Which is weird because our list says that we shouldn't be expecting anybody." Izumo knit his eyebrows together. Kotetsu, who had been looking through a glass which allowed him to see the incomer, hastily urging Izumo to help him. "ANBU!" He had barked at his partner, "Bleeding! Dying, wounds, whatever! They need medical attention!" That had caught Kakashi's attention, he got ready to act as the guards opened up the gates, heaving on the rusted hinges. Yet he was not mentally prepared for what awaited on the other side of the grand doors.

There she stood. Uniform torn, stained and ripped up. The wakizashi sword that was strapped to her hip was blunt and scratched, the sheath dented. Skin scratched and bruised, wounds dripping with blood and gore. A long x shaped cut on the inner side of her left thigh. Gasping and choking for air, she started to wobble, blood dribbling down her limbs and stomach. The rain continued to fall, now hard and heavy; burning and searing the wounds of the lady. Yet she still managed to keep her face from wavering In an instant, Kakashi recognized who the woman was based on her cracked porcelain ANBU mask. (y/n).... "Sakura! Go alert the hospital. And you two boys, clear the way for Sakura so she can get there. Quickly!" Kakashi ordered them as he took the heavily wounded woman in his arms. Anger and fear coursed through Kakashi's veins as his heart thumped erratically. He could feel (y/n)'s body twitch in pain. "Izumo, go let Hokage-sama know that Ibara-hime has returned." Kakashi let out one last demand before zipping off to follow his kids.

"Kakashi..." (y/n) mumbled out his name, "Kakashi..." she shakily rose her hands up to gently cup his masked cheeks. "What is it?" He whispered, gently rubbing her skin through a torn patch of her ripped uniform. "Happy birthday, Hatake..." She softly breathed, her tight grip of Kakashi's chest loosened as her eyes dropped closed. Please don't die, (y/n)... I've waited all the fucking years. You aren't leaving me again. A tear formed in Kakashi's eye, flying off with the rain as he bolted towards the hospital. Stay with me a bit longer, will you?

"My sensei will be here any second with an ANBU woman in need of immediate medical attention!" Kakashi heard Sakura's voice quiver as he barged into the hospital. "I'm here, kids. Go to Gai-sensei and stay with him until I'm back." He quickly barked, flashing all of the nurses who flowed into the room a nervous look. "Please, help her. I'm begging you." He pleaded with the staff uncharacteristically. I need her to live. Need. "We do what we can, sir." One of the medic-nin nodded, putting (y/n)'s unconscious body onto the stretcher. If (y/n) lives, that would be the best birthday gift ever.

Kakashi jogged after the nurses and doctors, peering into the emergency clinic room through the window. "I'm sorry, Sir, but you won't be able to visit the lady until all the major injuries have been cleaned up and treated." A male nurse out his hand in his shoulder from behind. "But..! Okay..." Kakashi let out a sigh, "Isn't there any paperwork that needs to be filled out?"

The nurse shook his head, "The Hokage has come and is speaking to one of my colleagues about it. Don't worry about it. You won't have to take care of any of that." He tried to reassure the angsty shinobi, "The woman is part of the ANBU ranks, right? Her mask is of the uniform." Kakashi nodded his head, biting his lip inside of his mask, "Yeah...she is... but it's kinda complicated." The nurse raised his eyebrow but just shrugged. "Can I speak with the Hokage?" The Hatake requested. "Come this way," the other man sighed, leading him away.

Kakashi let out a deep and long sigh as he held (y/n)'s scraped hand in his gloved ones. He had been told by the same nurse from before that (y/n) was in a decent state to accept visitors, yet was still unconscious. He could tell that the nurse was hiding something from him, but he was too worried about (y/n) to give it a second thought. Hesitantly, he brought her hand to his masked lips, gently pressing them against the fabric. "Ya know, (y/n). After you left, I decided to give those goddamn books a try. And you're right, they are addictive. Thanks for the gift," Kakashi sadly chuckled before pausing for a moment.

"Those books, they helped me a lot. They helped me get through my days, just like you told me."

"They also helped me realize something. They helped me realize that I don't hate you. I don't want to hate, and I never should've."

"I've realized that I was such a dick to you at the beginning and that it was all my fault that our relationship became how it was. I regret it... So when you wake up again, I just want to start over again. Maybe not entirely, but just so that we can leave all the hate behind us. How does that sound?"

Kakashi stared at the sleeping (y/n), her chest heaving up and how slowly and rhythmically. It hurt him to see her like that, her skin swollen in the places of the stitches and anointed bruises. "Listen, (y/n). I'd never been able to tell this to you while you're conscious, so I might as well let it out now. I...I love you." Kakashi rightly shut his uncovered eye. "After feeling your loss, my dumbass self finally realized how much you are worth. After they pass on, you and the others were all I had left. But then you also left me, that hurt like hell." His tone started to break.

"Lord Hokage told me about the whole fake-death move, and I was relieved that you weren't gone for good. And then we lost contact, everybody assumed the mission had been finished, and your squad sacrificed your lives for it. I couldn't let the fact that you could be a dead sink in. It didn't feel right. Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai tried to get me out of another depression cycle. Kurenai even went to the lengths of quite literally slapping some sense into me." Kakashi played with a loose strand of (y/n)'s (h/c) hair.

The muscles of (y/n)'s hand twitched ever so slightly. Kakashi's drooping head snapped up; he'd almost fallen asleep in the chair. "(y/n)?" He murmured as her eyes started to flutter, "(y/n)?"

(y/n) chapped lip parted ever so slowly, taking a big breath of air, her (e/c) eyes squinting. "Hatake..?" She shakily managed to mumbled, her voice hoarse and dry. She tried to prop herself up on the bed, but Kakashi eased her back into her resting position. "Rest, (y/n), you're not ready to stress yourself yet." Kakashi to her, "I'll be back with a nurse and some water for you, alright?" (y/n) opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She simply looked down and nodded.

Moments later, Kakashi came back with the nurse and water. "Here," he carefully put the cup to her lip, gently tipping the cup, "Good." He turned to the nurse, who seemed to be scribbling something down from the little monitor to his clipboard. Kakashi's eyes followed the cord attached to it, to the long x shaped hash in (y/n)'s inner left thigh. What worried Kakashi was the anxious look on the nurse's face.

"(l/n)-san, your vitals are doing alright, but you'll have to stay here for a night or two just so that we can keep an eye on something's that may need monitoring." He curtly nodded his head, "Lord Hokage wished to speak to you. So, sir, that means you may have to leave."

Kakashi tried to reason with the other man, but (y/n) reached to weakly squeeze his thigh. "It's okay, Hatake. You can just drop by later." (y/n) tried to smile. "Fine," Kakashi grumbled, leaving the room and letting Hiruzen in.

After what seemed like an eternity, Hiruzen came back out. "How's (y/n)?" Kakashi asked him impatiently. The Hokage put his hand on Kakashi's shoulder as if trying to soothe him, "She'll be better soon. Don't worry, alright." The silver-haired shinobi let out a small grunt, "I know that she'll get better with time. But what about now?"

Kakashi knew that Hiruzen loved (y/n) almost like a daughter, he cared about her deeply. Hence the elaborate cover-ups to protect (y/n) and her squad on the unconventionally lengthy mission. The Hatake could see the sadness that had tried to be tucked away in the Sarutobi's eyes. "The main concern of the moment is the poison in the gash on her left thigh. The medic-nins have tried to extract as much of it as possible, and try to find something that will counteract the effects." The elderly man explained to him. "Did they find an antidote?" Kakashi questioned.

"That is where the problem lies," Hiruzen explained, "There is a certain medicinal herb that is used alongside a jutsu to nullify the effects, as the poison has traces of chakra. We have a few medics on hand who support the skill to perform the jutsu, but we don't have the plant. Even so, that won't be a permanent cure." Kakashi knit his eyebrows together, "How would it not be a perfect cure? Plus, since there are traces of chakra, could we possibly track down the person who created the poison and make them fess up on the cure?" He questioned.

"Great thinking, but..." Hiruzen groaned, "(y/n) said that they performed a self-destruction jutsu just after striking her. He probably thought that it would be in their best interest to take their secrets to the grave with them." Kakashi cursed under his breath, "Fuck... This is terrible."

Hiruzen nodded in agreement, "No duh."

Kakashi's head shot up, "Uh?!"

The elder man's eyes widened, "Did I use the term correctly?! I'm trying to pick up on the phrases the kids are using these days..."

Kakashi gritted his teeth, "Right idea of the meaning, I guess. But the context and timing...wasn't quite fit." Looking ever so slightly dejected, "Oh...alright." Smoothening out the wrinkles in his robe and putting in his cob pipe, "Kakashi, if you are going to stay here with (y/n), could you at least pick up some good food. The food in the hospital canteen is quite bland." Kakashi nodded his head and obliged, only to be stopped in his tracks by Hiruzen.

"Kakashi, I'd like to ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"What caused your change in actions towards (y/n) change so much?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've observed you two whilst you were in the ANBU together, and you never got along that well. And suddenly you act so attached to her, Kakashi. You don't need to answer. It's just that as your leader, I want to understand what is going on in the heads of some of my most trusted people." Hiruzen explained to Kakashi, puffing out a cloud of smoke from his cob pipe.

Kakashi frowned from behind his mask, trying to figure out how to explain his change of feelings in a professional manner. "I think that after I was given the impression that she was gone, I noticed that I cared about her. It made me realize that I was wrong to not see how much she meant in my life." He tried, his voice fading off into a whisper. Hiruzen smiled and nodded, "You really are something else, Kakashi."

Kakashi silently strolled over to Ichiraku's to grab some takeout. The paper lanterns lit the nearly empty streets of Konoha, creating a soft and soothing ambiance. The smell of the rain and moisture still clung to the air, the dirt roads had muddy dampness to them. "Yo! Kakashi, my eternal rival!" A boisterous and friendly voice greeted the said man. "Hey, Gai," Kakashi responded, he noticed his students sitting alongside each other and gave them a quick wave and smile. Naruto and Lee were arguing about who'd get Sakura. Sakura insisted that Sasuke would come around in her favor. Sasuke was quietly eating his food. And Neji and Tenten were discussing a new sword they saw in the windowsill of a weaponry shop.

"I'll take two eggplant miso soups with brown rice noodles," Kakashi leaned over the counter space between Lee and Naruto to order his meal, also effectively stopping the argument. "Thanks, Ayame," he thanked the daughter of Teuchi, owner of the quaint place. "No problem, Kakashi-san!" She chirped.

"Kakashi?" Gai raised his brushy brow, "Your kids told me about what happened this morning..." Kakashi sighed and pulled him aside so that they were at a comfortable distance, "It was (y/n)..." he told his best friend, "She's back and in the hospital because she's not in good health at the moment. I just came here to pick up a meal for her." Kakashi watched as Gai's jaw dropped, "(Y/N) IS ALIVE!" He exclaimed a touch too loud for his eternal rival's taste, "CAN I MEET HER?!" Tears of youthful joy waterfalled down the jumpsuit-clad man's cheeks. "I'll see if you can come tomorrow, alright Gai." Gai smiled broadly, "This is very...unusual. Youthful, nonetheless!" He grinned.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head and nodded, "I'm glad she's back..." he murmured barely loud enough for Gai to hear. Knowingly, Gai patted Kakashi's back. "Oh! Yeah! Happy birthday, my youthful rival!" He gently punched his comrade's shoulder. A smile formed on Kakashi's lips, "Thanks, Gai." He flashed his eccentric friend his signature close-eyed smile.

"I'll see you later."

"Bye, Kakashi! Have a good night!"

Knock knock, Kakashi rapt (y/n)'s door, "Can I come in?"

"Come in," (y/n) murmured, a small moan of pain escaping her lips, "Ouch..."

Kakashi quickly set the takeout on a little table, rushing to (y/n)'s side. He wrapped his arm tightly around her waist and helped her to the table. "I got us dinner because the food at the canteen isn't that good." He explained with a slight shrug. "Thanks, Hatake," a weak smile formed on her lips. The silvered-haired Jonin served them their meals. "Itadakimasu," they both mumbled.

Heavy tension filled the room as they ate in silence. (y/n) knew that Kakashi had his mask down, but didn't look up. "It's been a while..." Kakashi breathed, in hopes of hearing (y/n) speak, "Too long..." The kunoichi rested her forehead on her palm, "I- Yeah..." she mumbled, eyes growing classier by the second. So much for trying to start a conversation... Kakashi thought sadly as they resumed their meals without a word. The silence seemed to be killed him. Kami, it had been 10 goddamn years! 3650 days since he had gotten to talk to the woman. He missed her. Hell, he could even say that he missed all of their little spats. Hatake Kakashi missed everything about (y/n).

"I missed you..." was all Kakashi mumbled as he pushed his finished food away and pulled up his mask, "All these days, months, and years."

Hot tears slipped down (y/n)'s cheeks, forming a puddle on the table. "I-I came back be-because I didn't want-want to hurt you and the r-rest. Dying on passed down pain to the people who love you. I can't afford to c-carry the guilt of t-that." She mumbled shakily, "I promised to be back, a-and I held up the promise." Kakashi sadly smiled as he awkwardly reached under the table to gently caress (y/n)'s thigh.

"You care about others so much, but you should really take a moment to care about yourself, (y/n)." Kakashi scolded the injured kunoichi, "You had me scared for you; all those gashes and open wounds... You could've died," he knit his eyebrows together in worry. "Don't do that ever again."

(y/n)'s dull smile faltered as Kakashi spoke on, "Now you know how I felt when I saw you doing all those suicidal stunts back then on those missions. It was like you were in a hurry to die... I mean, I was too, but you did some seriously dumb shit," she giggled emptily. Kakashi sweat-dropped, "I see... I guess you are right..." (y/n) rolled her (e/c) eyes as the masked shinobi let out a drained sigh, "I'm always right, Hatake."

"Really, (l/n)? You've been through torturous pain, and you still act like a child." Kakashi groaned, "All these years..." (y/n) shot him a hard glare, "All these years and you still think you're in charge of me." He cast a confused look, "It's my duty to protect you, as a comrade." As a comrade... "I guess, but you're just annoying, Hatake," she huffed.

"I'm sorry about ruining your birthday with my arrival and stuff. I probably ruined your plans with those kids." (y/n) looked down, breaking the silence that had fallen upon them, "I could hear you guys through the gate; they seemed pumped about going out. I'm sorry, I didn't think about the flaws in my whole plan." Kakashi's head snapped up from its resting position on the table, "It's fine, they don't even know it's my birthday," he paused, "But you planned to come here? As in, today in particular. With all those injuries, (l/n), you should've just tried to take care of yourself. My birthday isn't as important as your health."

The (y/n) shook her head, "I was going to stay at a small village pretty far from here before finally coming home. I planned to just heal up there and see how things went from there. I even considered settling down there. But that just didn't feel right," (y/n) face set in a frown, "Once I realized that your birthday wasn't that far off, I decided that I couldn't stay and needed to come back. I doubted I would even live to be back. But here I am..." she said with a soft wince of pain. "It was terrible, I hated every second of it," Her (s/t) fingers made their way to the raw mark on her inner thigh, “I’d already lost so much; there was nothing for me to lose at that point.” Kakashi's face softened as he understood what she meant. (y/n) wasn't put in the mission alone, she had her team. They all must've been killed with time.

"Ouch!" (y/n) yelped as she let out a moan of pain, clenching the fabric of her hospital-issued pajama pants. “Shh..." Kakashi whispered into her ear, quickly leaning in to soothe her, "What's causing all this pain?" He asked with a frown as (y/n) bit her lip. "It's the thing in your thigh, right? Lord Hokage and the nurse told me a bit about it. But I still don't fully understand it and how it can't fully be cured."

(y/n) buried her face in her hands, "Oh..." She mumbled, "The poison can't de be removed because it's already been inside of me too long. And since it is laced with chakra, the properties of it aren't completely like normal poison." She blinked back the stinging agonizing tears in her eyes, "The herb that I need is just going to ease the effects in my body, whilst the jutsu will seal it from triggering anything that was layered in with the chakra." (y/n) explained. Kakashi could tell she was trying her hardest to keep her face straight, pushing back the pain and hurting inside. "The thing is–"

"What?" Kakashi asked the pained woman, his tone soft and soothing, "I can help if I know what's going on."

Warily, (y/n) agreed to speak on, "The place where the mission was stationed at was just underground of the nuke-nin outpost I was from. And the guy who poisonous me was one of the other kids' experiments were done on, along with me. He was a few years older than us, and his name was Hiroto Myoga. His parents were in owed debt to the rogues, they were forced into being test subjects until they died. Which left Hiroto in the nuke-nin's hands." She rubbed the temple of her head pushing away the images that sent a shiver down her spine, "Something similar had happened in the case of my parents and me. But unlike me, when the ANBU did the raid, Hiroto was snuck away just in time."

Kakashi's heart sank as he heard what she was telling him. (y/n) had never known much about her past, the damned curse seal had caused. “Since he was older than most of the other kids there, the nuke-nin's of the outpost decided that they needed to trust their information. It was all precautionary, just in case they were taken down. And that's just what happened. Hiroto was the one ordered to put memory restriction curse seals on us, the kids, before he fled to be underground, where the actual harm was being done. That meant that all this time Hiroto had been working in those old plans." (y/n) closed her eyes tightly, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

With a subtle groan, Kakashi supported (y/n) up from the chair and rested her in her cot. "Don't stress yourself, (y/n). You can just tell me later; it's getting late anyway." He told her. "It's fine, Hatake. Letting this out helps me feel better." She reassured him.

"The ANBU caught wind of suspicious activity in that area and decided to send out a squad to go check out. I overheard Danzō arguing with Lord Hokage about it, and got interested. It was really dumb, but I just wanted to go to learn more about what happened in my past. I learned, but that can with lots of twists and turns. 10 years of going undercover..." (y/n)'s (e/c) eyes met Kakashi's single uncovered black one, "It wasn't long before Hiroto became suspicious of us, slowly narrowing the group down till it was just me." (y/n) took a deep breath and continued, "After Hiroto killed himself in our final fight, my curse seal was lifted. That's how I suddenly was able to remember all of the past. All of it."

A pit formed in Kakashi's stomach as he watched (y/n) cry in silence. He wanted to help her feel better, he really did. But he was afraid that he'd make things worse; dealing with feelings just wasn't his thing. "I'm here for you, (l/n). We've been through so much together, you've helped me through it all," Kakashi tried to reassure her, "It's my turn to look after you. Please, just don't cry." He reached out his hand to brush a tear-off of her streaked cheeks.

“Are you okay with me staying here for the night?" Kakashi asked (y/n) as they sat at the bay window, looking down upon the empty moonlit streets of Konoha. The soft light cast down by the moon seemed to make everything look beautiful, serene, and at peace. "(l/n)?" He asked again, turning to look back at her. A gentle smile played on Kakashi's lips as he saw that she'd fallen asleep. (y/n) had been through so much throughout the day, she not only deserved to rest for a long time but also needed to. "Good night, (y/n)..." he carefully lifted the sleeping beauty and placed her on the cot. Sitting back at the bay seat, Kakashi took in a deep breath. "I love you."

She's finally back.

She's finally home.

[astralsweetness]

So Kiss Me Goodbye (Hui/Reader) (m)

➣ I wrote this in, like, fifteen minutes the day before his enlistment, so it’s not very good at all lmao

➣ Very very vaguely connected to this drabble, which is connected to this fic. Title from Pentagon’s “Beautiful Goodbye”, Hui’s line specifically: "So kiss me goodbye, if I have to leave I'd rather leave beautiful memories behind".

➣ Hui/Reader | Warnings include: Mentioned alcohol in the beginning, pegging (tho it’s not explicitly said, so it could be seen as a male!reader as well), implied choking, mentioned safewording, mentioned hair-pulling. Talks about his enlistment, sort of angsty but things are okay.

Hui’s leaning on you just a bit too heavily, both of his hands wrapped around one of yours to amuse himself. You knew it would end up like this when the somaek was brought out – he might not have had the highest tolerance, but that didn’t mean he found it difficult to drink something lighter than soju.

“It was a lot of fun.” He’s speaking quietly to you, aware of the taxi driver even while drunk, some idol-life rules ingrained in his being without needing to be sober. That being said, the fact that he was half on top of you proved his memory was very selective. “It’s been a while since we could all get together.”

You’ve heard this before, mostly because he’d said some iteration of this to you about six other times tonight. You know how Hui is going to respond to your response, but you lead him down the same conversation as before anyway. “Didn’t you all get together to do the exact same thing the last time you were set to enlist, Hui?” You’re wary to call him anything else in the presence of a cab driver who may or may not be listening.

“Hyojongie didn’t bring Hyuna-noona last time.” He says it like it’s as simple as that, and you suppose it is. For someone who thrived off of being surrounded by his found family, having an extra person was probably nice. “Wish Jinho-hyung could have come though.”

“You know he doesn’t get many off days.” You’re not totally listening to the conversation considering it was one you’d already had with him more than once, but you can feel his glittering gaze on the side of your face, looking at you like you were everything he ever wanted. It was heavy with alcohol but no less sincere.

You keep your gaze turned away, out the window at the night scenery blurring by, his hands still holding yours as he tucks his face in against your neck, facemask rough against your skin.

.｡..｡.

By the time you get home he is half-asleep, the driver looking at you with pity as Hui leans on you when the two of you get out of the taxi. You’re not sure why that look bothers you, fingers holding Hui’s waist a bit tighter in reflex.

He is asleep the instant he touches your bed, curled up on his side of it with his face buried in your pillow, like even in his dreams he was trying to make up for the fact that you weren’t directly next to him. He’s still wearing the clothes he’d worn out to the get-together, but you don’t even entertain the thought of waking him up to deal with them – it was obvious how tired he was, even without the alcohol’s influence.

You leave a glass of water and an aspirin on the bedside table near him, sliding under your covers moments later – he turns towards you instantly, and you wrap your arms around him out of habit, one hand resting lightly on the back of his neck. That was a habit too.

Kissing him on the forehead wasn’t a habit, and he makes a soft sound at the feeling, nuzzling in against your collarbone.

.｡..｡.

You wake to kisses littering across your cheekbones – before you even open your eyes you can hear him laughing softly, knowing precisely when you awoke. He was just too perceptive when it came to those he loved.

“Sweetheart, I’m pretty sure this isn’t my dorm.”

“Shouldn’t you be hungover..” Your response is less than enthusiastic, even when he cuddles up to you and presses more kisses to your jaw. He wanted something, you just didn’t know what yet.

“I am – and I would be worse if my darling lover hadn’t left medicine by the bed.” He pauses only briefly, during which you crack your eyes open finally to look at him. He does look vaguely hungover, but he also looks beautiful, dark hair falling into his eyes and petal pink lips upturned into a slight grin, face the vaguest bit puffy from the alcohol and extended sleep. Then again, he always looked beautiful to you. “I love you.”

That was a new phrase that had entered your relationship only recently, and something Hui had seemed to cling to when it had been given to him. He said it all the time, as a greeting, as a promise, as a threat, as a goodbye.

But the words felt heavy on your tongue – what was that supposed to mean, when he led the life he did? With your relationship the way it currently was? He’s still waiting for a response with an expression you can only categorize as fond. He never rushed you when it came to this, just smiled and waited, unbothered, like he knew your response even if you didn’t say it.

He deserved the truth though, so you murmur a quiet “I love you too” that wreathes around the two of you like a heavy entity, suffocating but also warm and protective.

“This isn’t your dorm because I wanted to wake up next to you.” That, too, was the truth – the sunset hue of his eyes turns more dawn than dusk at the words, brows pulling together like hearing that was a sweet type of pain. He doesn’t say the I’m sorry I can’t more often that you know is crowding on his tongue. Instead he just presses a soft kiss to your lips before the mischievous look from before re-enters his eyes. He definitely wanted something.

“Since I’m here, what about morning sex?” He says it with no shame, forcing a startled laugh out of you – the room feels lighter somehow, and you reach out to affectionately cup his face, brushing your thumb across his cheek. You can feel the slight imperfections of his skin under your finger, the minute things makeup would always cover, his perfect flaws that you loved.

“Depends.” Your hand caresses his face and slides down until it’s wrapped snugly against the side of his throat, right in the spot it belongs. When he swallows you can feel it under your palm, warm and trusting. “What did you have in mind?”

“Want you to fuck me.” He’s grinning, like he enjoys getting to say something so blatantly naughty sounding after always policing what he says for the camera. “It’s been a really long time since I got fucked last.”

“Really?” You find that hard to believe, considering your Hui had always been sort of a slut (which you called him with all the affection in the world). He laughs in mock offense at your question, so utterly happy just from getting to spend the morning with you, despite his apparent hangover.

“Yes, really! I haven’t even gotten to use my own fingers in a while – do you have any idea how clingy those boys can get when they put their mind to it? Even Hyunggu will follow me around now that the enlistment date was confirmed.” Hui’s whining, trying to make a big deal out of something you know he in actuality loved.

“Then I guess I have some work to do, don’t I?” He scoots back a bit so you can stretch as you sit up, blankets pooling around your waist. It’s only now you notice that at some point in the morning he had shed his belt and pants from the night before. “Someone as pretty and cute as you shouldn’t have to touch themselves, isn’t that right?”

He throws you a smile in response – it’s one of his fragile ones, where he looks almost sad but is instead simply overcome with emotion. You can’t help laughing at him, sliding from under the covers and tossing the lube at him haphazardly. He stretches to catch it, just managing to keep it from falling off the bed. “That was supposed to be a good line, Hui, but you ruined it with your sappy affection.”

“Oh – wait, hang on, you can say it again and I’ll pretend I haven’t heard it.”

Sex with Hui ranged from anywhere between incredibly tense and passionate to carefree and casual, and this seemed to be one of the latter scenarios. There’s a persistent laugh lingering in his throat, infectious, and you can’t help but to laugh along whenever he does.

The atmosphere only slightly changes when you begin to open him up, a specific type of gracefulness seen in the line of his body when you crook your fingers and he arches his back off the bed. A sound that might have been a yelp or a moan accompanies it. Everything is still soft and hazy, warmth suffused through your bodies from where his fingers tangle with your own.

You’re content to let him take the lead, watching tenderly even while his fingers curl semi-painfully into your shoulders when he bottoms out, head thrown back, throat working as he swallows hard. You wonder if you could get away with marking him up before he has to go, but ultimately decide not to, knowing at least someone will be recording when he leaves.

Watching him move on top of you while you lie back and watch is a type of special pleasure - he is just so beautiful, brow furrowed and lips parted, gaze dark and intense but just a bit disconnected like he was focused only on how good he felt. It’s only when his movements become rough that you take all control back, a simple heavy hand on his hip making him still. Sweat glistens on his skin, cock red and glistening with pre-cum from a mixture between desperation and arousal.

“Slower – Hwitaek, baby, I’m not going anywhere.” You reach for his hand, finding it easily even if you curse yourself for your choice of words – it trembles in your grasp and you wonder, for the first time, if he hasn’t been totally honest about how he feels about the four weeks he’ll be gone for basic training. He’s gazing down at you with such a bittersweet expression that it makes your chest ache, and he’s completely stopped moving at this point, resting on your hips, taking all of you as deep as possible.

“I know.” His voice is a soft whisper – four weeks of no contact, of only one phonecall for a limited time every seven days. You weren’t sure he’d ever gone that long without contact from either you or one of his boys.

It’s not fear you’re seeing reflected back at you in his eyes, but loneliness. A lingering sadness because he doesn’t want to be apart from those he loves for even a moment.

“Do you need to safeword, baby?” It feels necessary to ask, to remind him of his safety net considering the way he had gone distant, body tense and fingers shaking around your own.

“No.” It’s still soft, but more firm than his voice had been earlier. Whatever had taken hold of his thoughts he’s managed to shake off – it hurts you, but you know it’s necessary. There wasn’t anything anyone could do to change what was going to happen. “Just want to be with you for a while.”

“You’ve got me, darling.” Your words are followed by the sweet press of his lips against your knuckles, fingers still curled protectively around your own like it was something sacred to him. “Here, let’s switch positions, let me take care of you.”

“You already are.” He sounds exasperated but amused, a little grunt being torn from his chest anyway when his back hits the bed, feeling the way you shift inside of him. When you lean down to kiss him he returns it eagerly, if not a bit languidly, a soft whimper of a moan being swallowed up by your mouth when you begin to thrust into him again.

He’s quieter than he usually is, more subdued, one hand clenched tight in the pillow above him and the other interlaced with your own. You’re fucking him deep, punching little gasps out of his lungs while he rocks his hips towards your own. As beautiful as he is you can’t stop your gaze from drifting to his neglected cock, red and slick with need and desperation.

“That looks painful, baby.” You’re speaking softly, bent over him, and he cracks his eyes open simply so he can crane his neck up and kiss you. You try not to laugh into the kiss and largely succeed. “You ready to cum, sweetheart?” At his nod you un-entangle your hand from his, ignoring the disappointed whine that lodges in his throat. It’s quick to transform into a breathless moan when you wrap your hand around him, the glide of skin on skin incredibly slick already from how much he’d been leaking.

Hui orgasms with a sharp gasp, so much quieter and less dramatic than he usually is, muscles in his abdomen tensed tightly and head thrown back, digging into the pillow. The cum glitters on his skin under the weak rays of sun filtering in through the drapes, and he’s breathing hard, chest heaving, and you’re not sure you’ve ever seen something or someone so primally beautiful before.

He lets you be away from him just long enough for you to clean his stomach off with tissues before he’s tugging you back down beside him. It’s a bit too warm, his skin sweaty and sticky, but you nestle down against him anyway and indulge in his presence, perhaps over indulging as the two of you share countless long, languorous kisses.

“Maybe I should be worrying about how I can go four weeks without this, instead of anything else.” His words are coated with amusement and you can’t help but to giggle with him, burying your nose into his neck. His fingers continue to play with yours, resting on his bare chest.

“You’ll manage.” You press a kiss to the corner of his lips when he turns to look down at you, an “I love you” lingering between you both, unspoken but known. “I know you’ll be okay.”

[stxphxn-strange]

spun sugar (written for the ironstrange fanfic challenge)

Summary: He didn’t feel like going out, but he needed a distraction. Nothing would be able to take his mind off of the phone call he was waiting for, the call he knew would never come. Not even a double date to the carnival with Anthony, Hope, and Christine kept him focused today, and he was actually starting to need a distraction from his distraction. 

a/n: just a heads up that this fic is on the heavier side of angsty so please be careful and safe! tw: for homophobia/mentioned use of slurs, outing, death (drowning), and family issues, and i think that’s it

Today felt like the world’s longest deja vu episode. It felt like standing in line at a carnival for hours, only to spin endlessly on one of those teacup rides. Everything was an unbreakable cycle of doubt, confusion, anger, and the old familiar self loathing. So for Stephen, it was just Thursday. 

She didn’t forget. 

She probably forgot! 

She didn’t forget. She didn’t call on purpose. 

She knows what today is. 

She doesn’t want to talk to me. 

I don’t want to talk to her either, and yet I still wish she’d call. Maybe then I could pretend that things are sort of okay. 

Stephen sighed, completely tuning out his professor. He hadn’t been paying attention all class and wasn’t going to start now. There were more important things to be thinking about, like the nap he was going to take when he got home, or the fact that it was Victor’s birthday. 

It was Victor’s birthday, and Stephen wanted to plan some sort of surprise call and later invite his brother to visit him in the city. Eugene immediately took to the idea and offered to help plan it and reach out to more of the family, but there was a catch. Of course Beverly had to be involved in some capacity. Even if she didn’t want to be associated with her older son, her younger one was near and dear to her heart and she wouldn’t hesitate to do anything for him. Except this, apparently, because that would involve speaking to Stephen. The med student didn’t expect to hear back from his mother and truthfully never expected a lot from her generally, but his hopes were still up. 

Waste of time. She doesn’t need me. 

She doesn’t even want me. 

Stephen checked the time again. His lecture would be over in 15 minutes, and the next one started in half an hour. That gave him enough time to grab a coffee and call his dad on the walk across campus, and to make the time pass now he’d organize his inbox. 

Most of his messages weren’t surprising (they were mainly just calendar invites and the occasional email from Anthony with an article Stephen might like) or even worth reading, but Stephen was a bit surprised when Eugene called him first. He had a solid relationship with his dad, but it was still unfamiliar for Stephen to have his family approach him first. Usually it went the other way around. 

“I was just about to call you,” he said. “What’s going on? Mom never told me when the family call is” 

“That’s the bad news,” Eugene replied. “Your mom changed the plan.” 

“So she shut me out? Again? Is that what I’m supposed to understand?” Stephen asked, his voice cracking like the thinnest sheet of winter ice under heavy footfalls. “I didn’t do anything.” 

Eugene sighed. “I’m sorry.” That was all the confirmation Stephen needed. 

“What happened?” He asked. “She would do anything to make Victor happy, even if it means acknowledging me as part of the family.”

“Which you are,” Eugene argued. 

“Not according to Mom, and you know that,” Stephen replied. “Please just tell me what happened, my next class starts soon.” 

“Your aunt called to wish Victor a happy birthday and then was chatting with your mom about the family, as they do. I think she asked your mom how you were doing and how your love life in school was going, but at that point I wasn’t really listening. You know that your aunt is one of my few in-laws I actually tolerate, maybe even like, and today she proved exactly why. Claudia said something about you, and based on your mom’s reaction it wasn’t what she wanted to hear,” Eugene explained. “She knows you’re gay and is really happy for you, against your mom’s expectations and wishes that she’d be ashamed.”

“That was the first time they’ve talked about my sexuality, right? Because I never came out to her. I assume Maxwell brought it up for some reason because I came out to him years ago. Why he’d bring it up now, I don’t know,” Stephen replied. 

“As far as I know, this is the first time Claudia brought it up. I assume if they’d talked about it before, your mother would’ve gotten angry or cut her off. She wasn’t happy today,” Eugene said bluntly. It wouldn’t do any good to sugarcoat the truth when Stephen already knew all of this. 

“Great! Mom’s already mad enough at me for coming out and being proud of myself. I bet I ruined her relationship with Aunt Claudia because I blabbed and Maxwell clearly takes after Mom since he outed me for no reason!” Stephen snapped. He took a deep breath, his head spinning. “Sorry for yelling, Dad.” 

“I don’t need you to apologize. You have every right to be hurt, for a lot of reasons,” Eugene said. “But to make a long story short, she told me flat out that she wouldn’t be talking to you today and then left for work at the same time she always does.” 

“Can I talk to Victor at least? I don’t care if she doesn’t want to talk to me, but I can’t ignore him,” Stephen pleaded. “I can’t not be there for him on his birthday, that’s cruel!”

“I know you want to be there for your brother, it’s okay. That’s the good news and why I called you. Give me a minute,” Eugene replied. 

Stephen mumbled some kind of response, slowly but impatiently shifting his weight from side to side. He was thinking about blowing off the rest of his classes for the day, emotional exhaustion overtaking him. He could usually power through things like this, as he was used to his mother steadfastly refusing to accept him. Today she and her hatred actively prevented Stephen from wishing his little brother a happy birthday, and that was too damn much. The fact that his cousin suddenly outed him almost three years after Stephen came out was only making him angrier. Stephen always tried to do the best that he could for his family, especially his younger sibling(s), and was even more protective of Victor in the wake of Donna’s death. All he wanted was to look after everyone he cared about, and his sexuality didn’t negatively affect his protective oldest child instincts. If anything it made them stronger because Stephen always wanted to be an ally for his siblings. He would always stand up for them when they needed. 

Sometimes he felt like he failed Donna, despite his best efforts to keep her safe and make her happy. Stephen couldn’t fail Victor and let their mother’s actions come between them. He wouldn’t. He looked at his phone to distract himself, editing his coffee order to include a latte for Anthony. He was usually home around this time and would more than likely appreciate the surprise coffee. 

Thinking of his boyfriend, the love of his life and his person, made Stephen smile just enough to prevent him from sobbing in the middle of Starbucks. 

Two (2) minutes that felt like an eternity later, Victor came to the phone. “Hello?” 

“Happy birthday Vic!” Stephen forced a smile, hoping some cheer could be detected in his voice. 

“Thank you,” Victor replied with an emotion that Stephen couldn’t place.

“Sorry I couldn’t be there today or join the family call. I wanted to be part of the call at least, but…”

“It’s okay. I know you care, and I know you wouldn’t forget my birthday just because you’re busy.”

“Right… busy!” Stephen’s laugh was forced. “I would never miss your birthday, and not just because I have a flawless memory.” 

“I was just starting to miss you until you said that. Damn shame.” 

“Not only is today your birthday, it’s apparently also the start of you acting like the smartass you‘ve grown up to be,” Stephen quipped. Eugene’s noisy laughter could be heard even over the phone. 

“I didn’t come into this world as a smartass like you. I had to learn from you, unfortunately,” Victor replied. “And I’m glad to see you’re amused, Dad!” 

“I taught you everything I know, and this is how you thank me?” Stephen asked. 

The barista called out Stephen’s order. 

“Hey I have to get going, but you and Dad should come visit me in New York sometime soon,” Stephen offered. 

“That sounds nice, but you can also just call me. Contrary to popular belief I do want to talk to you on days that aren’t holidays,” Victor replied. “But New York sounds fun.” 

I wish we could talk whenever, like we used to when I was welcome under her roof. 

“I want to go to the city, I’m sick of the neighbors,” Eugene added. “We’ll have to plan a trip, but for now we’ll let you get ready for class.” 

“Thanks Dad. Love you both, and I hope you have a great birthday, Vic!” Stephen hung up before they could reply, grabbed his coffees, and dragged his feet the rest of the way home. 

++++

Anthony was in the kitchen, serenely flipping through a magazine and eating lunch when Stephen trudged in. He paid no mind to the door opening at first, dipping his grilled cheese into the steaming cup of soup beside him and continuing to peruse the pages. 

Stephen smiled fondly at the sight of him, the tiniest bit of joy finding its way to his heart. 

“I got you a latte,” Stephen said, setting both drinks on the counter. 

Anthony gasped, curiously ignoring the coffee completely and standing up to hug Stephen. “Thank you cuore mio.” 

“I figured I’d surprise you since I’m home early,” Stephen replied. He relaxed into the hug, slouching in Anthony’s arms. 

“I appreciate that, but I’m much happier to see you. We both left at weird times this morning so we didn’t get to talk and get ready for the day together like we usually do,” Anthony said, a little pout on his face. 

“Well we’re both home now, and I’m really tired.” Stephen was beyond tired and beyond annoyed, swaying a bit in Anthony’s arms.

Anthony hugged him closer and tighter to steady him. “Let’s go sit. Did you have lunch?” 

“No, I just got coffee and came right home,” Stephen replied. 

Anthony handed over the other half of his sandwich. “Take this then, I just made it. There’s tomato soup too, since Bucky made me go to Panera with him earlier.” 

Stephen was about to object, stopping himself only when he saw the mirthful light in Anthony’s eyes. “What?”

“I mean I don’t mind either way, but I’m giving this to you so you don’t swipe it from me like the mischievous, overgrown British shorthair you are,” Anthony teased. “You’re not subtle.”

“If I was a cat, we both know I’d be a calico,” Stephen replied. 

“I disagree. What are you doing for the rest of the afternoon?” Anthony asked. 

Stephen shrugged. “I kind of want to nap. Preferably with you, under a blanket, and in front of the fireplace.” 

“That sounds nice,” Anthony murmured, reaching up to softly caress Stephen’s cheek. “Let’s go, then.” 

As soon as they were settled, Stephen rested his head on Anthony’s shoulder and practically melted into his side. 

They made idle chatter and finished their lunch, Stephen glancing at his phone every now and then. 

It’s stupid to hope something will change. 

He knew his mom wasn’t going to call him, and that still stung no matter how much he tried to move past it. Stephen also knew she wouldn’t ever accept him again, and she’d continue to use his identity against the rest of the family who he loved and who loved him in return. Be it immediate family or the most distant relatives, Beverly was determined to exile him completely, erasing her oldest son from the family story. 

Victor probably suffered the most from this, aside from obviously Stephen himself. Contrary to what their mother thought, Victor deserved to talk to whoever he wanted on his birthday, including Stephen. Being the middle child, Victor was the link between cautious Stephen and carefree Donna. The three siblings were incredibly close growing up, and their sister’s death took as much of a toll on Victor as it did on Stephen. Stephen almost left home for good a few days after Donna’s funeral, almost leaving his little brother behind. It was impossible to forget anything about that day. 

Stephen knocked on his brother’s door. 

“It’s open!” Victor was sitting on the floor building a Lego castle. 

Stephen sat on the floor across from him. “This looks really good, Vic!” 

“Do you want to help me finish it?” Victor asked. 

“I can’t today. I actually came in to tell you that I might be leaving home for a little bit,” Stephen replied. He rested his head on one of his hands. 

“When do you leave?” Victor asked, still not looking at him. 

“Tonight or early tomorrow. I’m going to New York to help Anthony move,” Stephen said, making up a reason as he finished answering. It was true that he was going to New York to see Anthony, but he couldn’t tell Victor the real reason why. He’d already been through enough the past few days, he didn’t need to know that Stephen and Beverly weren’t on speaking terms as of today. He didn’t need to know that their mother was trying to kick Stephen out. 

Victor just sat quietly and nodded, not registering his brother’s distress. “So you have time to help me build then. Can you hand me that brick, please?” 

Stephen smiled sadly and obliged. 

They were quiet, just working together like nothing was wrong until an overwhelming clamor filled the farmhouse. 

“Dad’s home,” Stephen remarked. 

“Are he and mom arguing?” Victor asked. “Why?”

Stephen knew why, but he held his tongue and just shrugged. “I’m not sure.” 

Victor nodded and went back to building. “Make sure you follow the directions, I want this to be perfect.”

They continued to work diligently, not saying much to each other but listening to the argument from the kitchen. It wasn’t easy to make out what Mr. and Mrs. Strange were saying, but their mutual anger hung in the air long after the conversation ended. The whole house felt different, its welcoming energy replaced with something sinister. 

And then someone knocked on the door. “Boys?” 

“Hi Dad!” Victor said. “You can come in, Stephen is helping me build the castle set that you gave me!”

Eugene walked in, standing in the doorway and watching his sons work for a minute. “Stephen, can I talk with you for a minute? Sorry to tear you away from your building, but you can finish up later. I also brought home dinner. Victor, go eat with Mom before it gets cold.” 

“Cool, thanks Dad!” Victor stepped cautiously over his castle and headed downstairs. 

Stephen was still on the floor, Eugene sitting at Victor’s desk. He didn’t know what this conversation was going to be like, and fear made him snatch the first words without giving them much thought.“Dad, I fucked up.” 

“I’m going to be honest, I don’t see it that way,” Eugene said. 

Stephen had been staring at the carpet until then, looking sharply up at his father. “What?” 

“I said I don’t see it that way. You didn’t mess up,” Eugene repeated himself. 

“Mom wants me to go,” Stephen mumbled. He hung his head again, looking at the carpet. Victor’s room was the only carpeted one in the house, and no one knew why. 

“Your mother also wants me to stop leaving my computer in the dining room since that’s apparently ‘her space,’ but last I checked this is our home and she doesn’t have a monopoly on that room,” Eugene replied. 

Stephen was quiet for a minute. “She says it’s not my home. Not anymore, anyway.” 

“That’s what we were arguing about,” Eugene said. “I came home from work and she told me what you talked about and how she felt. I don’t agree with her.” 

“I wanted to tell you myself,” Stephen muttered. “She had no right to tell you, that’s not what you’re supposed to do!” 

Eugene didn’t say anything, unsure of what he  could say to make this better. 

“I didn’t time this well, I know, and I’m sorry. I should’ve given Mom more time to process losing Donna, and—”

“Stephen, I think your mother would’ve responded the same way if your sister was here. It’s nothing to do with the circumstances and everything to do with her,” Eugene said. 

Stephen nodded slowly. “Are you upset with me Dad?” 

“No I’m not, and I don’t think you should go,” Eugene replied. 

“I probably should, for a few days,” Stephen said. “Anthony’s in New York, and I know I just saw him but I wanted to go visit again before he leaves for boarding school.” 

Eugene nodded. “As long as you’re back at least a day before your school year starts.” 

“Mom isn’t going to want me to come back, but I don’t want to leave Victor! I can’t abandon him!” Stephen said. 

Eugene shook his head. “It’s not up to her. You’re our son, mine and hers equally, and I want you to be home with us while you finish high school. Besides, you and Victor need each other especially now. Your mom isn’t the only one who decides what family means. You are both our sons, and though our family might be a little smaller, we’re still family.” Eugene grabbed a box of tissues from Victor’s desk, handing them to Stephen as he began to cry. 

“Thanks Dad.”

“It’s going to be okay. What day are you planning on going to New York?” 

“I booked a flight for early tomorrow morning, Ant said anytime in the afternoon he’d be around.” 

“And are you going to finally stop pining for each other and tell him how you feel while you’re there?” 

“Dad!” Stephen hesitated before continuing. This was unfamiliar territory, discussing his love life with his father. Eugene knew Anthony and could obviously tell how Stephen felt, but it was weird to talk about this. Still, curiosity got the better of him. “Do you think I should?” 

To make a long story short, that’s how they ended up here, in the apartment they shared with three of their friends while Anthony repeatedly nudged Stephen with his elbow. 

“What do you want?” Stephen muttered, failing to even pretend like he was annoyed. 

“Scoot over so I can go to the kitchen!” Anthony said, the slightest hint of a whine in his voice. 

Stephen shifted and grumbled a little protest as he stood up. 

Anthony smiled and kissed the top of his head. “I’ll be right back, then you can cling to me as much as you want.” 

Stephen sighed, half in teasing exasperation, and looked at his phone again. He was staring daggers at it when Anthony returned, letting it go when he was pulled into a hug. 

“Did you hear back from her yet? What time is the call?” Anthony asked gently, beginning to stroke Stephen’s hair. 

“She hasn’t called yet.” That wasn’t a lie, but Stephen was too upset to give Anthony more details right now. 

Anthony hummed, kissing his head again. “She will.” 

“I don’t— yeah. She will,” Stephen mumbled. Also not a lie, as he was still clinging to the thinnest shred of hope that his mom would change her mind. 

She won’t. 

It doesn’t matter how much she loves Victor and values his happiness, I’m dead to her and that’s final. 

“How was your day?” Stephen asked, eager if not desperate to change the subject. “Did you present the business plan you were telling me about? How did it go?” 

“I did! Honestly it went really well, I wasn’t nervous like I usually am,” Anthony replied. 

Stephen yawned. “I’m so happy for you. Every time you practiced presenting it to me, you were amazing.” He was physically and mentally weary, exhaustion dragging him into a midnight blue haze, but he was never too tired to give Anthony the praise he deserved. 

“Thank you,” Anthony murmured. His eyes were closed, but Stephen could practically hear Anthony’s soft smile. 

“I mean it,” Stephen said. “Love you.” 

He was surrendering to the exhaustion, to the warmth of the fire and the blanket and Anthony’s embrace. Sometimes knowing that Anthony loved him and feeling the manifestations of his love made Stephen feel a little better. This was reprieve, and he was going to revel in it until reality came back to kick his ass. 

Anthony still sounded like he was smiling. “I love you too. Get some rest sleepyhead.” 

++++

Anthony woke up first, his phone ringing loudly from the carpet below. He was going to just ignore it, mistaking the notification for an alarm, until he came to his senses a little more and realized Christine was calling. 

“Your boyfriend is bad at answering his phone,” she’d said. 

“Hello to you too, Christine. He’s sleeping,” Anthony replied. “We both were, actually.” 

“So sorry to have interrupted your mid afternoon nap,” Christine drawled. “But I’m glad you were resting. Stephen seemed really off today during class, and as much as I hate to admit it I was a bit worried.” 

“You’re too much of a helicopter parent friend to pretend like you’re not concerned,” Anthony said. “I can see right through that.” 

Christine just laughed. “Anyway, I know you could talk about Stephen for probably years but I called for a reason.”

“What’s up?” Anthony asked. Stephen was still asleep in his arms, and Anthony tried his best not to disturb him. “Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah I’m fine! I was just gonna ask if you two wanted to go on a double date with me and Hope later? It’s the first night of the carnival,” Christine said. “Sam and Bucky aren’t planning on going until tomorrow because they’re boring, and we want an adventure.” 

“Going out on a Thursday night counts as an adventure?” Anthony asked. 

“Why wouldn’t it?!” Christine protested. “Let me know what you decide to do and just text me or Hope, we can plan to meet up later. I take it Stephen isn’t going to class but I am, so I’ll talk to you later.” 

“Sounds good, bye Christine!” Anthony rolled his eyes in amusement, opening a game on his phone and holding Stephen closer. 

It wasn’t more than twenty minutes later when he woke up, checking his phone and trying to hide his disappointment when his mom didn’t call. 

What did I expect? She made up her mind. 

She doesn’t want to talk to me. 

Why am I pretending she cares, hoping she’ll call? 

Stephen huffed out a sigh, more angry with himself than anything else. 

“Nothing yet?” Anthony asked gently. 

“No,” Stephen replied. He felt anger boiling in his system, unease taking over as he continued to lie and hope that something would change. 

“I’m sorry,” Anthony said. “The day is still young.” 

“I guess that’s true.” Stephen didn’t know if going along with what Anthony said was helping or hurting at this point. “I have a ton of missed calls from Christine though.” 

“Oh yeah, she invited us on a double date with her and Hope since it’s the first night of the carnival,” Anthony replied. “You in?” 

“Not really.” Stephen answered without even giving it much thought. 

“Okay.” Anthony was always so amenable, sensitive, and empathetic, even at the expense of what he wanted. Sometimes Stephen’s heart ached at how selfless Anthony was and how much he cared for people. It was a privilege to be someone Anthony loved, but Stephen had to remind him constantly that relationships were a give and take. He didn’t want to drain Anthony’s kindness, not the way people in his past did. He wanted and tried to be as giving and loving to Anthony as Anthony was to him. 

He didn’t even sound upset about not going out, but Stephen’s anxiety kicked in and convinced him otherwise. “Well wait Ant, what do you want to do?” 

“It might be fun, but—”

“Why not go, then?” 

Anthony was stunned by how fast Stephen changed his mind, trying to read his face for things his words left unsaid. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine… just a little jittery waiting for this stupid call. A distraction might help, and you’re right! It probably will be fun. Plus I don’t want to selfishly keep you from being out with friends, that’s not fair to you.”

“Nope, you stop that right now,” Anthony admonished gently. “If I wanted to go with our friends, I would. I want to spend time with you tonight, whatever that looks like, and we’re both allowed to want things. They don’t have to be the same thing, and you’re not selfish or controlling for disagreeing with me. Believe me?” 

“I wish I could, because I know you mean it. I just feel like a failure since I can’t be there for Victor the way I want,” Stephen replied. “And I know it’s not my fault, but…”

“But it still hurts.” Anthony gently cupped his face and leaned in to kiss him. “Right?” 

Stephen nodded, whispering a pained “yes,” into the kiss. It hurt more than Anthony knew, more than he was ready to discuss. 

“You’re not a failure. You’re just trying to make everyone happy even when the most fucked up circumstances  get in the way. It’s not a bad thing to prioritize yourself, and in fact it’s a good thing to give yourself the kindness you give to others. You have to,” Anthony said, protectively wrapping his arms around Stephen.

“I’m glad you listen to my advice enough to repeat it back to me, at the very least,” Stephen quipped. 

“Yeah yeah, I know I sound like a hypocrite since I—”

“Since you’re not nice to yourself, even though you deserve to be,” Stephen finished his sentence. “I just want to be able to make someone happy today. I want to make you happy.” 

Anthony smiled sadly and kissed him again. “I love you so much, you idiot. You always make me happy, and I’m always here for you.” 

“I know you are. I love you too,” Stephen replied. “A distraction honestly might help me deal with the waiting game, though.” 

“It could!” Anthony nodded, playfully adding, “I’ll make it worth your while.” 

“Oh yeah? How?” Stephen played along. 

“We can start by getting your favorite sushi,” Anthony offered. 

Stephen genuinely smiled at that, attempting to hide it by burying his head in Anthony’s shoulder. “Really?” 

“Why not?” Anthony replied. “It’s been awhile since we went to that restaurant anyway.” 

“It’s been too long,” Stephen corrected him. “I’m not sure if I’m feeling up to being out for dinner and then going out later, though. I feel bad because you’re trying so hard to plan something fun, and—”

“You don’t have to feel bad. It’s not a problem, we can just order in and stay home until later. That’s what I was planning anyway,” Anthony said. “And if you don’t feel like going out tonight, we really don’t have to.” 

“I want to, but I also don’t,” Stephen said. “You know what I mean?” 

Anthony nodded. “Yeah, I do. I’m fine with whatever though, it’s up to you.” 

“Let’s go then. I’m still kind of on the fence, but I’m leaning towards yes.” 

++++

He was just being himself, but Anthony was making good on his little teasing promise to make the fair worth Stephen’s while. He had some magical effect where his smile made anyone’s heart sing, and his spell was especially powerful on Stephen. He was truly having fun, for the most part. His motion sickness didn’t flare up at any point, which meant he could spin a bit faster than normal on the teacups ride. It was exhilarating and just dizzying enough that he leaned slightly into Anthony’s shoulder while the group decided what to do next. Stephen found he was oddly at peace with himself and the evening, probably because of Anthony’s spell. 

“Okay, here’s what I want to know: what the hell is a hall of mirrors?” Anthony asked. 

“How do you not know?” Christine replied, her eyebrows racing up towards her hairline. 

“Never in my life have I been exposed to anything that would entail being in a hall of mirrors,” Anthony muttered. 

“Surely you’ve been to a carnival before, right?” Hope asked. 

“Yes, and amusement parks! But again, I have no idea what it actually is,” Anthony said. “I’ve never seen one until right now.” 

“It’s just as it sounds, Ant. It’s a room full of mirrors, almost like a maze I think, and some of the mirrors are distorted. It’s hard to explain without seeing it, but it’s kind of funny,” Stephen replied. “You’re the only person in life who ever gives me an answer,” Anthony half-joked, linking arms with Stephen. “The only person.” 

“Rude, didn’t I just tell you the other day about—”

“Hope I love you but I made my point very clear,” Anthony teased. “I need to see these mirrors.” 

Stephen smiled. Anthony was so full of an almost childlike wonder, he was kind of like the human equivalent of a ferris wheel… somehow… the comparison made more sense in his head. “This is going to be adorable.” 

“Can we go?” Anthony was almost bubbly with excitement. 

Stephen couldn’t say no to him, and right now he didn’t want to. “Yeah, come on.” 

“It’s this way, let’s go!” Christine pointed vaguely to her left and led the way. 

Stephen didn’t know what Anthony expected to see in a room that was literally just Full Of Mirrors, but his every reaction to it was more endearing than the last. 

“Could you imagine decorating an entire house like this?” He asked, looking around the room. 

“You mean you haven’t?” Christine teased. 

Stephen rolled his eyes. “I can barely stand to look at myself for five minutes, this is like hell on earth. Don’t give Ant any ideas about redecorating our apartment, Christine.” 

“She doesn’t need to, I wouldn’t do it,” Anthony replied. “Even I don’t need to see this much of myself.” 

Christine laughed at their antics before chasing after Hope and giving them a moment alone. There weren’t many other people around, so Stephen had an unobstructed view of several of his reflections checking their phones. 

Anthony was still standing beside him, taking everything in. “You okay?” 

Stephen (and all of his clones) nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Still no updates though.” 

I can’t even be honest with him. I can barely be honest with myself at this point. 

“I’m sorry Steph.”

“It’s okay! I’m probably more anxious than I need to be, it’s really fine.” 

Anthony frowned slightly but didn’t push him. “I feel like there should be at least one control variable, just a basic full body mirror at the beginning and/or end of these things.” 

“There usually is at the end,” Stephen replied. “At least I think. It’s like when you leave home and take another glance at yourself to make sure you look decent. You’re the one who can, and you do, spend five minutes in front of any mirror, so—”

“That’s absolutely not true and you know it. The longest I’ve looked at myself in the front hallway mirror specifically is three minutes tops” 

Stephen rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, babe.” 

They continued their walk around the winding hallways, coming to a stop at a standard mirror just in front of the exits. 

Christine and Hope were chattering outside, looking at a map of the fairground that they’d found somewhere (Stephen hadn’t a clue where, seeing as he wasn’t paying attention at the time). 

“We look cute,” Anthony remarked. 

“You do, I don’t,” Stephen said. 

“No, we both do!” Anthony’s stubbornness was coming out to play, it seemed. “I mean I know you only keep me around because I’m adorable, but I’m probably the luckiest guy in the world to be yours.” 

Stephen blushed and looked at his shoes. “Yeah, I’m only with you because you’re hot and not at all because you’re my best friend who I happen to be madly in love with.” 

“Aww.” Anthony smiled and squeezed Stephen’s hand, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “I love you too, you asshole.” 

Stephen looked up, staring at their reflections and different expressions. His smile was tired and clearly forced, while Anthony’s was genuine and bright. He couldn’t help but sigh, disappointed in himself for not matching his boyfriend’s energy.

“You sure you’re okay?” Anthony asked. 

“I’m trying to be,” Stephen replied. “That’s the best answer I have, and it may not seem like I’m trying very hard, but I am.” 

“I know. Stress and anxiety don’t just go away when you ignore them, unfortunately,” Anthony reminded him. “Attention whores that they are.” 

Stephen laughed, surprised as always by Anthony’s sudden dry delivery and humor. “I feel like you’re what ‘sugar and spice and everything nice’ means, you can go from sweet and calming to making me laugh within the same breath.” He shuffled forward a bit, dropping his head on Anthony’s shoulder. 

“Well I don’t like the implication that I’m nice,” Anthony huffed jokingly. 

“I didn’t really imply it, I’m telling you that you’re nice,” Stephen replied. 

Anthony just rolled his eyes. “That’s your opinion.” 

“I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true, you know I don’t like lying,” Stephen said. 

Except for the fact that I’m so in denial about Mom not calling that I actually am lying to Anthony. He doesn’t deserve that. 

Anthony just shrugged as Stephen looked up at him again. “So when you said that I’m not good at carnival games, that was—”

“That was me trying to encourage you, and while you clearly needed it I don’t think it helped,” Stephen quipped. 

“Rude but true. At least there weren’t a lot of people—”

“Move!” A boisterous group of children who couldn’t be older than 13 ran past, shoving past them on their way to the door. 

Stephen stumbled and fell back against Anthony, which caused one of the group to say something particularly rude. 

Anthony glared at the instigator. “What?” 

“Don’t, it’s not worth it,” Stephen said. 

The same kid laughed, having the audacity to repeat himself before catching up with the rest of the bullies. 

“I don’t know where someone who looks like they’re barely eleven years old learns to talk like that, but they can fuck right off,” Anthony said. 

“You’re right. Honestly I would be more upset if worse things hadn’t happened today, but it’s all relative,” Stephen replied. “I’ll tell you about it later, we should go find Hope and Christine.” 

Anthony nodded, a scowl still on his face when they found and rejoined their friends. 

“Are you self-obsessed idiots done looking at yourselves?” Christine teased. 

“You literally heard me say I can’t stand looking at my reflection for more than five minutes. We were just talking,” Stephen said. 

“Why do people have to be so goddamn ignorant?” Anthony muttered, kicking the dirt in front of him. 

“What happened?” Hope asked. 

“Really nothing, just some middle schoolers being stupid,” Stephen replied. “It’s not a big deal. What are we thinking about doing now?” 

“I want a snack, I think,” Christine said. “Does anyone want cotton candy?” 

“We should get cotton candy!” 

Donna had boundless energy, a zest for life, and a fun-loving mischief about her.  She ran into each day like it was a new adventure, sometimes reckless but always under the protective watch of her brothers. 

“If that’s what you want, Donna, I’ll buy you some.” 

“What about me?” 

Victor didn’t come into the world with a smartass attitude, but he quickly adopted some of Stephen’s mannerisms. He learned how to assert himself and how to be fair, which meant he knew when and how to argue on his own behalf.

“Of course Vic, I’ll get you some too.”

“I want the bubblegum flavor!” 

It was the end of summer, and the Strange family was spending an afternoon at the zoo. Donna loved animals more than almost anything in the world, and all she’d wanted was to spend the day with her family sharing random animal facts and learning as much as she could. Stephen was the one to plan the excursion, the trip occurring the day after he returned from California. He was visiting Anthony for just under two (2) weeks then, that summer their last as ‘just friends.’

Donna was elated when Stephen came home, her little face lighting up when he announced the family outing. 

Outing was an interesting choice of words. 

That day trip was the last time the Strange family was whole. That day was the last day Stephen was worth something in his mom’s eyes, the last time he read his sister a bedtime story after pretending that he didn’t want to. All Stephen did was plan a surprise afternoon for Donna and buy her cotton candy, and she was the happiest he’d ever seen her. It was, in the most tragic sense, the perfect last day. She drowned in the lake the next morning, and Stephen felt like he lost control of his life. Desperate to take it back, and against his better judgement, he came out a few days later. He hoped his mom would be supportive, understanding, and maybe even encouraging, but he was as good as disowned by her that day. 

“Hey… Earth to Steph.” Anthony softly caressed his face. “Stephen?” 

He snapped out of his flashback, probably looking like a deer in the headlights when his eyes met Anthony’s. “Sorry.” 

“I thought you were gonna pass out for a minute,” Anthony said. 

“I’m good. I just zoned out,” Stephen replied. “It’s not even motion sickness, I genuinely stopped listening to whatever you guys were talking about.” 

“So you didn’t hear me ask if any of you wanted cotton candy?” Christine asked. 

“That I did hear.” Stephen heard the sudden brittleness in his voice and steeled himself, subconsciously reaching for Anthony’s hand. 

“I forgot you don’t like sweets that much, sorry man,” Christine replied. 

“That isn’t the problem,” Stephen said. “And that’s not even true.” 

Christine just shrugged. “Alright.” 

Stephen sighed, ignoring the confused look Christine gave him and running his free hand through his hair. He sighed again. “Sorry Christine.” 

“You’re forgiven, Stephen. It’s fine, and sometimes you just have a bad day,” Christine replied. “It’s not like I’ve never gone off on you before.” 

“I wouldn’t call that going off, I’ve used all of my self restraint today,” Stephen said. “But thanks.” 

He sighed for the third time and leaned against Anthony’s shoulder. 

“You okay?” Anthony asked gently. 

Stephen looked at his phone again. “Still no updates.”

Anthony frowned, concern and understanding written all over his face. “That’s shitty.” 

“You’re right about that,” Stephen replied, laughing despite himself at how direct Anthony’s delivery was. “Rollercoaster?” 

“Damnit, I thought I was enough of a thrill for you,” Anthony teased. 

Stephen rolled his eyes. “You are, you dumbass. I just thought it’d be fun.” 

“I’m not disagreeing! I’m in,” Anthony replied. 

“The line isn’t too long, y’all should go now,” Hope said. “We’re getting popcorn, and then we can ride the teacups again before leaving if you guys want?” 

“Sure,” Anthony said. 

Stephen just nodded. He’d had a good time, but honestly just wanted to go home and pretend like today didn’t happen. 

“We can hold your shit too, if you want,” Christine offered. 

“Thank you for not bringing up the Great Adventure mishap,” Anthony replied, handing Christine his bag. 

“Not sure if I’d call forgetting to take off your sunglasses a mishap,” Stephen quipped, also handing over his bag. 

Maybe I’ll get lucky and she’ll have called by the time we’re back. 

If I asked a magic 8 ball what the chances were of that happening, I think it’d tell me to go fuck myself. 

“What would you call it, then?” Anthony asked indignantly. 

“Unfortunate, and a consequence of you not listening to me when I said not to wear them,” Stephen replied. 

“You’re both wrong, that’s just Ant’s smooth brain energy hard at work,” Hope said. 

Anthony rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry that wearing sunglasses is such a big part of my personal brand! Whatever, see you two in a bit!” 

Hope and Christine probably rolled their eyes as Stephen and Anthony went on their way, but all in good fun. 

Stephen was starting to feel a little better while they queued for the rollercoaster. He’d always liked them and they never made him dizzy which really helped. Coasters were sort of like a spontaneous thought process in his mind. There were digressions, breakthroughs and thoughts that were best left alone, and something to look forward to at every corner. Stephen felt like there was less time for self loathing on a rollercoaster, less time to hone in on certain things while he was moving so fast. He definitely preferred rollercoasters to tilt-a-whirl type things, even though he didn’t hate the spinning teacup ride they ended the night with. There was just more sitting still involved somehow, which meant more opportunities for self loathing. The pattern of the ride mirrored the circular thought process he slipped into, almost like he was cycling through stages of grief. Stephen wasn’t sure if he was angrier with Beverly for how she treated him or with himself for hoping she’d call, and he hadn’t even made it out of the denial stage. To his expected disappointment, there were no calls from his mom when he checked his phone on the ride home. 

I don’t know what I expected. 

I keep telling myself that I’m dead to her and it doesn’t seem to sink in. 

I know it’s true, and all of this might hurt less if I just accept that. 

Christine and Hope were bickering about something in the front of their car, and Stephen didn’t have a clue what it was. He’d tuned them out again, despondently resting his head on Anthony’s shoulder as Christine navigated the traffic. 

“Ant?” Stephen’s voice was hushed and straining as he tried not to cry. 

Anthony hummed. “That’s me.”

Stephen smiled sadly. “She’s not going to call, Anthony.”

“The night is still—”

“No! No, I mean she’s… I’ll tell you when we get home.” Stephen was trembling now, overwhelmed with everything that he was feeling. 

“Okay,” Anthony murmured, softly kissing his head. His heart broke as Stephen  started crying into his shoulder. “I love you.” 

Stephen barely fought back a sob. Sometimes he needed reminders that people loved and cared about him, but he was always ashamed to ask. He was getting slowly better at asking for affection, but verbal reassurance was a completely separate beast. When it came to dealing with his mother, he needed to hear that he was loved and valued for who he was to try and combat the self loathing that followed their conversations. He needed help getting his confidence and self assurance back. He didn’t like to be so vulnerable, but Stephen couldn’t deny that sometimes he just wanted to feel loved and safe. Anthony, affectionate and protective and caring and sweet, always knew when Stephen needed these loving affirmations and always provided them. “I love you too.” 

“It’s okay. We’ll be home soon, mia vita,” Anthony soothed. He reached for one of Stephen’s hands, holding it in both of his own. “Ti amo con tutto ciò che sono e con tutto ciò che sarò.”

He loves me… 

++++

There was always something sweet about coming home to a loud house. The noise could be jarring, a pleasant consequence of 5 relatively loud friends living together, but it served as a welcoming of sorts. Today it was even louder when Stephen and Anthony got home, thanks mostly to an argument between Sam and Wong. Standing between them, Bruce was acting like a moderator of sorts. 

“The lovebirds are back!” Wong announced, interrupting what looked like a heated rebuttal from Sam. “How was the carnival?”

“It was good! I tried to win one of those balloon dart games,” Anthony replied. 

“Keyword is ‘tried,’ guys,” Stephen added. 

“I was too busy thinking about what prize to win since I wanted to give Steph something cute, but it didn’t really go to plan,” Anthony said. 

“Next time babe, I believe in you!” Stephen cheered as brightly as he could. He was tired of faking a smile, tired of hoping his mom would come around. 

She’s never going to change her mind. 

“Maybe we should’ve gone tonight, I feel like it’s going to be more crowded tomorrow,” Sam said. 

“I think it depends on when you go,” Anthony replied. “Speaking of going places, you know your man dragged me to Panera with him earlier.”

“I told you! Nothing comes between Bucky and a bread bowl,” Sam said, rolling his eyes. “What time do you think is the best to go tomorrow night?” 

Stephen shrugged. “Probably 8? I don’t know. Most of the lines move relatively fast so you should be fine.” 

“Don’t worry Sam, if the grumpiest boy on the Eastern seaboard says you’ll be fine, you’ll definitely be good,” Wong teased.

“That’s rich coming from you.” Stephen turned on his heel and left, retreating to the comfort of his bedroom. 

“Did I upset him?” Wong asked, mostly addressing Anthony. “I didn’t mean to.” 

“Something is bothering him,” Anthony replied. It wasn’t his business to go into detail, nor was he the gatekeeper of what problems Stephen chose to share with their friends. “He should be okay, but I’m gonna go keep him company.” 

Anthony headed for his bedroom, bringing the conversation to a halt. Stephen had closed the door, which wasn’t unusual but Anthony still didn’t want to just open it in case Stephen wanted to be completely alone. 

He knocked quietly yet audibly to avoid startling Stephen. “Hey, it’s just me. Can I come in?” 

“Yeah, ‘course,” Stephen mumbled. He was curled up on their bed, trembling as he looked up at the ceiling. 

It was warm in their room as per usual, so Anthony knew Stephen wasn’t shivering from cold. 

Stephen felt the bed dip as his boyfriend sat beside him, and he closed his eyes as Anthony began to gently massage his scalp. 

“Wong and Christine are probably angry with me,” Stephen said after a while. 

“Wong didn’t mean to upset you,” Anthony replied. “Neither did Christine. And I think they understand that you’re not purposefully antagonizing them.” 

Stephen sat up, the intense mix of emotion in eyes burning a hole in the ceiling as he leaned against the headboard and a pile of throw pillows. 

Anthony shifted just enough to rest his head on Stephen’s shoulder, silently reminding him that he wasn’t alone. He offered one of his hands, Stephen holding it gently. He drew figure eights on Anthony’s upturned palm as he thought, the motion soothing as he started talking. 

“Before I came home today, when I went to Starbucks, I got a call from my dad,” Stephen began. “Mom changed the plan for today, he said. I don’t know what she did specifically but all that matters is that she rearranged the family call so I couldn’t join. That was her way of telling me she’s mad at me without having to burden herself by speaking with me.” 

Anthony shifted to straddle him, comfortingly resting his hands on Stephen’s arms. Stephen didn’t meet his concerned gaze.“I’m sorry.” 

“It gets worse. When I said earlier that I’ve dealt with worse things today than some homophobic children, all of this is what I mean.” Stephen was still staring upwards, as if their ceiling had an answer he didn’t. “I got to talk to Vic, which was most important to me. We didn’t talk for very long since I was planning on going to my next class at that point, but I got to wish him a happy birthday and apologize for not being able to join the call. He wasn’t upset with me, he understood and we left things on the same good terms. I didn’t tell him why I couldn’t join, but I’m sure he knows. I’m sure he’s figured out why Mom and I don’t talk, he knows enough of the story to figure it out.” 

He was crying now, all of his emotions boiling over. He was livid, devastated, and afraid for some reason, hiding his face in his hands. 

Anthony was silent, taking both of Stephen’s hands and letting him cry until he’d somewhat calmed down. 

“Sorry,” Stephen mumbled. He rested their joined hands in his lap and turned his teary gaze on Anthony. “I've not even finished the story and I’m already a mess.”

“It’s okay Steph, you don’t have to be.” Anthony brushed a few stray tears off Stephen’s face. 

Stephen sighed. “I knew by the time I got home that she wasn’t going to call me. That’s why I came back, honestly. I didn’t want to sit through my classes thinking about it, thinking about how I’m… thinking about how she wouldn’t call. I tried to make myself tell you earlier, but I can barely come to terms with all of this in my own head. I wasn’t trying to lie to you when you said she might call, I promise. I was just holding onto the smallest wisp of hope that maybe she’d change her mind.” 

“I don’t feel like you lied to me,” Anthony replied, one of his hands again finding its way to playing with Stephen’s hair. “I’m sorry I was so insistent in saying she’d call. I was trying to reassure you.”

“I know,” Stephen said. “It helped a little, especially since I was trying to convince myself that she’d end up calling. But she never did, Anthony, and she won’t. Dad said she told him directly that she wasn’t going to talk to me, so why am I such a fool and still hoping she’ll come around? I’m dead to her and I should be able to understand that!” 

“I imagine you’re trying to make yourself accept it so you can move on, right?” Anthony asked. 

Stephen nodded frantically, his eyes shut tight as he began to cry again. “I know that’s not the best way to deal with things, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t expect her to accept me anytime soon, and I know my family isn’t going to ever feel whole again. But I ruined Victor’s birthday by not showing up for him with the rest of the family! I would’ve joined the call if she wasn’t mad at me, and I didn’t even fucking do anything!” 

Stephen was crying more out of anger than sadness, resting his head on Anthony’s shoulder and subconsciously pinching his forearm. 

Anthony hugged him, both to reassure Stephen and to keep him from hurting himself in anger. “You haven’t failed him. You did what you could and made the best out of an awful, fucked up situation.” 

Stephen just nodded, hearing Anthony’s message but not fully listening “Speaking of fucked up, and this is actually probably the thing I’m most upset about, you know my cousin Maxwell?”

"Yeah.”

 “He took a page out of my mom’s book and outed me to my aunt.” 

“Jesus Christ.” Now Anthony looked as angry as Stephen felt, a storm brewing in his eyes. 

“I’m lucky because my aunt Claudia is great, and she’s really accepting but that obviously pissed my mom off so now she’s mad at her sister and at me,” Stephen said.

“That’s good about your aunt, but why the fuck would your cousin do that?” Anthony asked. 

“He might have thought she already knew, I don’t know. It’s not okay that he did it, but it’s a relief to know that at least she took it well. I was worried she’d make fun of me since she always likes to prank and make me the butt of the joke, and even that would be fine compared to my mom’s response,” Stephen replied. “If I got over this faster I wouldn’t have taken all the fun out of tonight.” 

“Hey, stop that,” Anthony murmured. “You didn’t! I like being around you no matter what mood you’re in, and I’m always here for you. That includes when things aren’t going well, by the way. My love for you isn’t conditional.” 

Stephen looked up enough just to see Anthony’s face. “Do you think she’s ever going to come around? And not just today, but in general?” 

“I hope so,” Anthony replied. “You don’t deserve to deal with this from her, or from anyone but least of all your own mother, and I hope she understands that sooner rather than later. But I can’t say with certainty what she’s going to do.” 

“I just want today to be over,” Stephen said with a sigh. “I mean I did have fun tonight, but spending the entire day attached to my phone and trying to ignore what I already know wasn’t really nice.” 

Anthony nodded. “Why don’t we get ready for bed then? We can put it all behind us and start over tomorrow.” 

“That sounds good,” Stephen whispered. “I know I won’t ever forget this, but just for now I want to set it aside.” 

++++

The day should’ve ended there, with slight banter and falling into bed with the person Stephen loved most in the world. But of course it didn’t, of course the powers that controlled his life had to have the last laugh. He’d just closed his eyes and was starting to slip away, content as Anthony pulled up one of their nighttime playlists and hummed along to whatever song was playing. Stephen was the little spoon tonight, feeling loved and secure and safe in the dark of their bedroom and Anthony’s arms. He was finally starting to relax, and then the phone rang.  

He didn’t expect it and was annoyed when he heard the first notes of his ringtone, but he answered anyway thinking it was one of their friends. Thor especially had a tendency to call people earlier in the morning or later at night. “Hello?”

Despite having called him, the person on the other end of the line responded with a hasty “I must’ve misdialed. Don’t call back.”  

Oh my god. 

The cold, familiar voice ringing out over the speakerphone made Stephen’s heart stop. 

SHE CALLED! 

“No Mom, wait! I didn’t think you were going to call.” 

“I don’t consider you my son, I don’t know why you keep calling me your mother,” Beverly replied. “I told you, I misdialed. I wouldn’t go out of my way to speak with you, not after you continuously cast shame onto my family.” 

“Not even today? On Victor’s birthday?” Stephen asked. 

Beverly scoffed. “No, and don’t even say his name! You and Victor aren’t brothers anymore, you decided that for yourself, and I’ll not have any outside influences corrupting my only son!” She hung up before Stephen could defend himself, the dial tone uncomfortably loud. 

Stephen wasn’t sure what to do. A sharp, stabbing numbness seized his body and he curled in on himself to escape the onslaught of emotion hanging over his head. He turned onto his other side, burying his head in Anthony’s chest and failing to keep himself from crying. 

“None of what she told you is true,” Anthony said. “Not a damn thing. You—”

Stephen shook his head. “Anthony, don't talk. Please, I’m sorry, I love you and I love your voice but I can’t… it’s too much…” 

Anthony shushed him softly, carding his hand through Stephen’s hair again. He wanted to say something, to tell Stephen that he didn’t have to apologize, but that wouldn’t do any good. Instead, he just hugged Stephen tighter and gave him a soft kiss. Sometimes love was best conveyed in actions. 

This is just like when I left after the funeral, when we hid from the outside world together. No one makes me feel at home the way Anthony does. 

Stephen was too used to crying in Anthony’s arms because of things his mother… because of things Beverly told him. He knew he could run and hide from this or any problem with Anthony, and he’d always be safe and accepted and home. The thought was comforting, especially to the part of Stephen’s mind that was loath and afraid to confront the truth. 

Eventually I’m going to have to process this fully and give myself the time to do it. I know myself, and I’m not going to change for anyone. Why should I have to? 

Stephen shifted closer to Anthony, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. He rested his head on Anthony’s shoulder, the tiniest smile on his face. 

How does he already have bedhead? Adorable. 

Despite saying that he wasn’t tired, Anthony was already falling asleep. “Need anything?” 

Stephen shook his head and softly kissed Anthony’s cheek. “I’ll be fine. I’m just as tired as you, if not more.” 

“Doubtful.”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you just scoffed at me.” 

“I didn’t!” 

Stephen rolled his eyes and leaned up to kiss Anthony’s cheek. “I love you. Thank you.” 

“I didn’t do anything, really, and I love you too,” Anthony replied with a yawn. 

“You’ve done more for me than you realize, and I think you know it,” Stephen murmured. 

Already falling asleep, Anthony didn’t respond verbally. He just hugged Stephen closer, again saying much more than words ever could. 

tags: @stark-strange-love2 @taruyison @kitkatfat15 @katninjagirl97 @spookywizardboy @ocforeverything @ironstrange-chaos @chocopiggy @lokis-leah @majesticnerdynerd @maya-custodios-dionach @thespacecryptid @kiwidino @doctorstephenvincentstarkstrange 

[kae-karo]

2020 fic roundup

howdy pardners 🤠🤠 in order to procrastinate more writing here’s my list of all the fics i posted this year (sorted predominantly by ship and mostly in order of posting) - ft a lot of dabihawks and a surprising amount of todobaku lmao. oh and my personal faves are **starred

dabihawks (x)

a lesson in romantics (x) - 66k across 4 fics - the collection of standalone memory loss fics! canon divergent and centered around either dabi or hawks losing their memories thanks to the wonderful commission :) some solid angst and getting back together content, always happy endings!!

haven’t had enough (x) - 5.7k - silly little quirkless au where dabi goes to claire’s to get his ears pierced. multiple times. bc hawks is hot

last of the real ones (x) - 2.6k - less silly, just as little, set in canon-divergence bc i couldn’t get the idea out of my head of dabi getting red wings tattooed on him before ever meeting hawks

**dancing after death (x) - 25k - one of my faves from this year, a canon divergent sort of getting together story involving nightmares, some bad burns, and a bit of dancing

if you fall (hold my hand) (x) - 7.4k - canon divergence (bc apparently i’m a slut for that) and some hurt/comfort, ft a bit of makeout-level spice

no shame (x) - 16k - ah, and here we really dive into the ‘crack treated too seriously’ category, where the league sells feet/hand/misc kink pics to fund their activities and dabi has some photography skills and a wing kink (or maybe just a hawks kink)

broken parts (x) - 23.9k - i stole my own idea for a vigilante!hawks from my tiktok, then twisted it into a severely angsty (with a happy ending) hurt/comfort fic intended to break my own heart and piece it back together. it worked

freeing icarus (x) - 1.8k - the first fic without a happy ending i think i ever wrote, because the canon dabihawks fight actually broke me. some dabi introspection

**to the stars that burn (x) - 3.9k - the second fic without a happy ending, based more around childhood friends dabihawks working at the commission together. bittersweet but without much sweet

**king of disaster (x) - 119k+ - i poured my entire soul into this series, a fantasy au where dabi accidentally binds himself to hawks (an absolute stranger) and shenanigans ensue - this has also evolved to include todobaku, shinkami, and kirideku

enemy of my enemy (x) - 2.6k - a quirkswap space pirate au that truly tested my ability to write action scenes, part of the random prompt collection i did during october 2020

without a fight (x) - 2.2k - a rival band au ft singer!hawks and a grumpy dabi, another of the random october prompts

--

todobaku (x)

like i’m bakugou (x) - 2.1k - it was supposed to be a MEME based on a TIKTOK but i made it kinda serious....and here we are. todobaku on a froyo date

take a bite of my heart tonight (x) - 5k - VAMPIRES lmao. honestly it was a blast to write tho lmao

**if we go down, then we go down together (x) - 9.3k - tdbk get stranded on a deserted island bc tropes are fun lmao. also todo tries to freeze the ocean like elsa which i think is where my writing skill peaked

cold rebellion (x) - 4k - quirkless au where its HALLOWEEN and theyre in a CORN MAZE and they don’t LIKE EACH OTHER BAKA (part of the october prompt fic collection)

make it spicy (x) - 5k+ - predominantly todobaku with a healthy dose of dabihawks and some shiggynatsu as well, a bakery and nightclub au (yes u heard me)

**stitch me up (x) - 35k - todo gets split into both halves of his quirks, sort of, and baku has to deal with it (and i love this au so much i had a blast working on it)

--

bakudeku

rescue me (x) - 11.4k - basically the concept of ‘what if baku and deku were actually childhood friends tho? aka some good wholesome content

**into the dark (x) - 3.3k - afterlife au and originally part of the random prompts, baku didn’t survive the sludge villain incident and deku’s been carrying that weight for a while. and then he doesn’t survive a villain encounter...keep an eye on this one cause i’m working on a part 2 lmao

are you with me (x) - 2.1k - future fic where baku and deku are both heroes and, appropriately, the wonder duo. lil angsty but ofc a happy ending, part of the random oct prompts collection

--

todobakudeku (x)

**kintsugi (x) - 117k - future fic where they’re all UA teachers, with some established todobaku + todobakudeku getting together, a lil sprinkle of erasercloudmic, a nice dose of shinkami and some great shiggy redemption arc + eri attending UA content

reunion (x) - 1.8k - another future fic lmao with some getting-back-together content. part of the random october prompts collection

--

kiribaku (x)

rewrite the stars (x) - 2.8k - also a mina&kiri friendship fic, a soulmate au where kiri doesn’t get the soulmate he was hoping for (part of the oct prompts collection)

the mystery gang (x) - 4.1k - tell me how i wrote this much about a scooby doo-styled fic concept lmao. anyway, part of the oct prompts, includes some bakusquad shenanigans

wasteland, baby (x) - 4.5k - bakusquad bodyswap post-apocalyptic au and yes it’s just as chaotic as it sounds lmao. part of the oct prompts collection

like the sun (x) - 2.8k - the beach episode + baku&mei friendship (which i learned is called kat and the hat???? adorable) fluffy content, part of the oct prompts collection!

something sweet (x) - 1.2k - the actual kiribaku prompt i got lmao. coffee shop meets scavenger hunt, we adore a grumpy barista baku lmao. part of the oct prompts collection

--

todokami/todo&kami

oh, worm? (x) - 16.5k - it was supposed to be a joke but oh my god i love the idea of both todo and denki being memelords and falling in love with each other over it

secret tunnel (x) - 3.6k - conspiracy theorist todo meets conspiracy theorist denki in college au format and it’s really just top tier content imo - part of the oct prompt collection

all i want for christmas (x) - 3.5k - it was supposed to be a crack concept but as per usual it became less cracky the longer i thought about it. todokami fake dating babeyyyy - part of the oct prompt collection

**hydrangea (x) - 2.9k - soft todo introspection about his lil dragon hoard of things that make him think of his friends, which he decides to share with denki

--

shiggynatsu (x)

**death of summer (x) - 28k - the first fic i ever wrote for them and the most chaotic meeting i could come up with within the realm of canon divergence lmao. todofam hosting...shmigaraki

terrible people (x) - 960 - a lil babie established shiggynatsu fic about shiggy’s bday, basically just soft and wholesome - part of the oct prompt collection

--

shinkami (x)

don’t want to say goodnight (x) - 3.2k - kyouka pov on a shinkami getting together lil thing that lived in my brain rent free for a long time

don’t want to say goodnight (x) - 1k - yes i’m aware i see what i’ve done lmao i see the mistake i made. anyway this one is villain!shinsou and villain!denki so it’s like,,,,,the slightly spicier version. part of the oct prompt collection

--

other

**twelve over, seven up (x) - 4.5k - a bit of aizawa introspection after oboro’s death, bittersweet but mostly wholesome

a danger and a wonder (x) - 2.4k - mina&tokoyami friendship and bonding over mina’s kid and hawks’ kid (who tokoyami is babysitting) - part of the oct prompt collection

fish and feathers (x) - 4.1k - my chance to flex my remaining runescape knowledge to have jirou and denki friendship via the interwebs content

a name freely given (x) - 4.2k - shigadabi fake dating royalty au where shiggy’s fae? sure why not lmaoooo. part of the oct prompt collection

kabloom flower shop (x) - 2.8k - a wrong-number tattoo shop/flower shop kirikami au that was lowkey hilariously fun to write. part of the oct prompt collection

awake me from my nightmare (x) - 2.3k - the only fic i’ve ever tagged with mcd, an among us au of all things. baku&uraraka friendship and betrayal, part of the oct prompt collection

**for the record (x) - 2.1k - shiggy&dabi...allianceship? sort of? lmao they’re angel and demon, spies, and part of like a rebellion thing. and they don’t like each other which is always fun! part of the oct prompt collection

a different kind of hero (x) - 1.1k - established tododeku future fic where todo just got his quirk stolen (and deku already lost his in an afo fight), mostly bitter with just a tiny spark of hopefulness. part of the oct prompt collection

forget me not (x) - 2.1k - kiri&uraraka friendship, amnesia and artist au like i really went off here but it was so sweet and wholesome and i had a great time. part of the oct prompt collection

**lightning in a bottle (x) - 4.5k - chaotic kamibaku getting together but they’re WITCHES it’s a MAGIC AU and BEDSHARING IS A THING. part of the oct prompt collection

passing notes (x) - 1.6k - shiggy&eri friendship which is a thing that would be hilarious if it happened in canon tbh. part of the oct prompt collection

no turning back (x) - 6.5k - shiggy&deku friendship but make it royalty au and a 5/1 trope just for kicks lmao. part of the oct prompt collection

worthy adversary (x) - 1k - baku&shinsou friendship/childhood friends au that deserved more than 1k lmao. part of the oct prompt collection

together (x) - 3.2k - denki&mina friendship but they’re allied with vampires to fight some werewolves bc why not right? also lil taste of shinkami just like tiny bit for the flavor™. i should really do a bit more with this au huh? part of the oct prompt collection

a good thing (x) - 1.2k - shinsou&aizawa friendship? fathership? sonship? u know how it is lmao. a little sprinkle of shinkami for the flavor. part of the oct prompt collection

brighter than the sun (x) - 730 - can u tell i don’t usually write miritama lmao. some soft parallels bc they are soft. part of the oct prompt collection

try again (x) - 1.4k - dabi&shouto siblingship but dabi can time travel bc i said so (actually bc the prompts said so but whatever lmao) part of the oct prompt collection

that’s it lovelies!! nearly 600k this year and some of my favorite fics i’ve ever written, and i cannot begin to thank you all enough for your incredible support, i adore you all so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺

[auror-lovie]

I Won’t Say (I’m in Love) (Theseus Scamander)

━━━•✦.✧. Author’s Note.✧.✦•━

Second writing challenge??? LET’S GO.

Also, I’m trying out a new editing thing. So may be I’ll be using a mix of moodboards and character banners??? I don’t know, tell me how the aesthetic feels.

Congrats Haley ( @wand3ringr0s3​ )!!! To one of my lovely motivators, you deserve all the followers and so much more! Sending all the love and support!

A big thanks to @weasleysflowr​ and her fic for this challenge! Thanks to your fic, it gave me the motivation to bust my butt off and finish this AT 2 AM. Love ya, Ayli!!!

━━━━━•✦.✧. About .✧.✦•━

(Y/N) didn’t mean to fall in love with him- she was only doing her job.

━━━━━•✦.✧. Add- Ons .✧.✦•━

It’s about time I start sharing my man with the readers (Sorry I’m such a simp for Theseus-)

Preface: Theseus and Leta are not engaged in this universe.

Angst, but what’s new?

Dialogue heavy

Character death :)

(Okay, I REALLY LOVE WRITING ANGSTY THETORIA CONTENT, HUH. WHETHER IT BE PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC-)

I usually write Theseus and Victoria with perfect personalities… I hope this fic will change that and I can start writing more of their ugly sides.

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━━

Haley’s 1.9K Writing Challenge:

I Won’t Say (I’m in Love): Theseus Scamander x Reader

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━━

“You’re so pretty, why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

Was the question that (Y/N) received on a near day to day basis. Some from colleagues, some from distant relatives, and some from random people who tried to ask her out on a date.

To answer that question would take a whole other story, but to keep it short: She was hurt by first love. (Y/N) loved him with all her heart and he repaid her by falling in love and running away with another woman.

(Y/N) was a hopeless romantic and she was aware of that. All the romance novels that the muggles always talked about- she read them. All the romance films- she watched them. When her fellow Aurors were in relationships, she felt joy and happiness swell in her heart.

Though she desperately wanted a boyfriend, she was afraid. Afraid that one day, he’d leave her. So she kept her heart locked away. Besides, there was no time for romance- not in the midst of a war. Rumors of Grindelwald gathering more members for his “organization” spread through the Auror department like wildfire.

Under the temporary direction of Head Auror Victoria Howard, missions were successful. Despite feeling anxious, she led her fellow Aurors with confidence and determination. Yes, there were casualties, but that was the price of any mission.

Victoria always had a weird feeling about (Y/N). (Y/N) was sweet, nurturing, and quite intelligent. She was a great Auror, but something didn’t sit right with her. These feelings amplified when War Hero, Theseus Scamander, came into the picture.

Theseus walked into the room full of Aurors behind Victoria and Travers. “As you all know, the Head Auror Howard will be stepping down and Theseus Scamander will be taking her place.”

Declarations of distress echoed throughout the room. “But sir, Miss Howard was leading us just fine!” An Auror argued.

Before Travers could stupidly respond, Victoria took a step forward. “I know some of you may not agree with the changes, but Mister Scamander is a great leader. I think he’ll bring us farther than I ever could.”

Theseus nodded and patted Victoria’s shoulder. “One of the reasons why I’m a great leader is because of her. She’s always pushing me to be the best. So I hope I can lead you all to victory to the best of my abilities.”

After the formalities, Victoria had led Theseus around the room to get to know his fellow partners. He got along with most of them. The ones he didn’t get along with were the ones still slightly upset about the change, but he paid no mind to it. Then they got to (Y/N).

“Hello, Mr. Scamander. I’m (Y/N) (L/N) and I’m looking forward to working under your direction.” (Y/N) greeted happily.

Victoria felt her stomach twist up in knots, but didn’t let it show. Was she jealous? No- something didn’t feel right about (Y/N) and she was determined to find out.

“Well, Miss (L/N), I’m looking forward to working with you as well. Victoria has said amazing things about you.” Theseus replied.

•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•

It had only been three months and he asked (Y/N) out on a date.

Victoria was in Leta’s office, pacing back and forth.

“Three months. Three months, Leta! And he’s already made his move on her!” Victoria ranted.

Leta sighed, rubbing her temples. “From what I’m hearing, I’m assuming you’re… jealous.”

Victoria stopped pacing and glared at her friend. “I’m not jealous, Leta. I’m over-protective. I trust my intuition and I know that (Y/N) girl is up to no good.”

“Have you talked to Theseus about it?”

“W-Well… No…” She trailed off.

“Then that’s your problem, Vi.”

Victoria sighed and plopped herself on a chair. “I swear… That girl’s got something to hide…”

~*~*~

To say he had a crush was an understatement. No- Theseus was in love with her.

“Wow. What a day. First that restaurant and then a nice walk in the park?” Theseus started as he and (Y/N) walked into a nearby park.

They both chuckled, Theseus shoving his hands in his pockets. “I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun.”

(Y/N) smiled. “Yeah. Neither did I.”

“Thanks, (Y/N).”

“Oh, don't thank me just yet. Oh!” She exclaimed, tripping on a crack in the pavement, falling into Theseus’ arms.

“Careful. I guess being quick and light on your feet only applies to the mission field, huh?” Theseus teased.

“Sorry,” (Y/N) laughed nervously. “I’m a klutz.”

“Oh? Well, maybe you better sit down for a while.” He said, carrying her to a nearby bench and they sat down.

(Y/N) cleared her throat, ignoring the blush rising to her cheeks. “So, uh, do you have any problems with things like… this?”

Theseus cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Uh…”

“Klutzes, I mean.”

“Oh. Uh, no. Not really.” He shrugged.

(Y/N) moved closer to him. “No weaknesses whatsoever? No mundane worries?”

“What are you getting at, (Y/N)?”

(Y/N), moving even closer to him. “No… insecurities?”

“E-Everyone has insecurities and worries. I worry about losing the people I care most about. My parents, my brother, Victoria, Leta…” He paused. “You.” He mumbled.

“What was that?” She asked.

“Nothing!” Theseus cleared his throat. “It was nothing.” He said, finally stood up from the bench. “Let’s just get back before people notice that we’ve been gone for most of the afternoon.”

~*~*~

Theseus and (Y/N) quickly made their way into the Ministry Headquarters, making sure to stay out of sight. They ran up to the Auror department without causing a scene.

When they reached the door to (Y/N)’s office, they stopped outside to catch their breath.

“Pretty Boy… You are... perfect.” (Y/N) said between breaths.

“Thanks…” Theseus paused. “You know, as a kid, I was expected to set high standards. I was Quidditch captain, Head Boy, and took as many NEWT level classes as I could. I think that’s why my brother dislikes me so much.” He chuckled, resting his head against the wall. “I just… I just wanted to be like every other guy.”

She scoffed. “You wanted to be petty and dishonest?”

“Not everyone is like that.”

“Yes, they are.” (Y/N) said softly.

Theseus turned his gaze to her. “You're not like that.”

“How do you know what I'm like?” She spat.

Theseus took her tone as a defense mechanism. “All I know is... You're the most amazing person I've ever met. (Y/N), when I'm with you I don't feel so... alone.”

“Sometimes it's better to be alone.” She said, rubbing her upper arms.

“What makes you say that?” He asked, pushing himself off the wall.

“Nobody can hurt you.” (Y/N) said, trying her best to not look at him.

“I would never ever hurt you.” Theseus quickly replied.

(Y/N) turned to face him, not realizing how close they were to each other. “And I don't wanna hurt you, so... let's both do ourselves a favor and stop this before we-”

Their lips moved in close for a kiss, but the moment before it happened, a voice interrupted them.

“All right, break it up! I’ve been looking all over the Ministry for you.” Victoria said as she came into view.

(Y/N) groaned in annoyance once she realized who it was. “Calm down, Victoria. It was all my fault.”

“I already have a bone to pick with you, so don't make it worse,” Victoria said, glaring at (Y/N).

“And as for you,” She looked at Theseus. Theseus looked at her before quickly avoiding her stare. “You’re lucky I saved your arse from Travers. We had a meeting today and you were supposed to lead it, but no. You decided to play hooky.”

“Okay, okay…” Theseus said, feeling like a child being reprimanded by their parent. As much as he deserved it, he hated it when she scolded him.

“I'm sorry.” (Y/N) said softly.

He let out a half-hearted chuckle. “Ah, she'll get over it,” Theseus said, facing her. He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek.

“Come on, Theseus. We have work to do.” Victoria said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Theseus gave (Y/N) a smile before walking off with Victoria.

(Y/N) was left alone, her hand touching the cheek he’d kissed minutes ago. “Oh, what's the matter with me? You'd think a girl would learn.”

“(Y/N)! You’re finally here! I have things to discuss with you.”

(Y/N) quickly turned around to see Leta. “L-Leta!”

Leta smiled. “Don’t worry. Unlike Victoria, I won’t go all Mama Bear on you. Shall we discuss this in your office?” She asked, gesturing to the door.

She nodded. “Of course!”

Once inside, Leta and (Y/N) sat on the chairs. “So, tell me everything! How was your date?”

(Y/N) blushed lightly. “I-It was hardly a date. It was more of an… extended lunch.”

“Come on, spill the details! Do you like him?” Leta asked excitedly.

“What? O-Of course not.” She sighed, reminiscing on her first love. She would not fall victim to love- not again. “If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that. No man is worth the aggravation. That's ancient history been there, done that.”

“Are you kidding? He’s the Earth and Heaven to you! You may try to keep it hidden, but honey, I can see right through you.” Leta replied.

“Oh, no. That’s preposterous! I can’t possibly be-”

“I know how you feel. I can see it in your eyes, (Y/N). You’re in lo-”

“No way. It's too cliche,” (Y/N) quickly interrupted.

“(Y/N), just listen-” Leta started again.

“Get off my case, Leta…” She trailed off.

Leta sighed, patting (Y/N)’s shoulder. “It's okay if you're in love…”

(Y/N) looked at Leta and smiled, relaxing in her chair. “At least at loud, I won't say I'm in love.”

After a while, Leta had left and (Y/N) sat at her desk to complete her piling paperwork. All was silent until-

“Hey, what's the buzz, huh, (Y/N)? What is the weak link in the Pretty Boy's chain?” A voice asked.

“Get yourself another girl, I'm through.” (Y/N) replied, exhausted.

“I'm sorry. Do you mind running that by me again? I must have had a chunk of stone wedged in my ear or something.” said Grindelwald as he came into view from the shadows.

“Then read my lips! Forget it!” She said, slamming her hands on her desk and glaring at him.

Grindelwald chuckled darkly. “(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N), my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail? I own you!”

“I’ll just apologize for snapping at them and not considering their relationship… Whatever they are…” Victoria mumbled to herself as she walked to (Y/N)’s office.

Grindelwald continued, “You work for me! If I say, "sing", you say, "Hey, name that tune" If I say, "I want Pretty Boy’s head on a platter," you say-”

“Medium or well done,” (Y/N) sassed back.

Victoria gasped softly as she heard a snippet of their argument from the opposite side of the door. “Oh! I knew that girl was trouble. This is gonna break Theseus’ heart.”

“I'll work on that.” (Y/N) mumbled.

Victoria quietly ran back to Theseus’ office to give him the news.

“I'm sorry... You hear that sound? That's the sound of your freedom fluttering out the window forever.” Grindelwald continued, his hand moving in a shoo-ing motion.

“I don't care. I'm not gonna help you hurt him.” (Y/N) said, her voice cracking.

“I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guy.” He said nonchalantly.

“This one is different. He's honest, and-and he's sweet. He would never do anything to hurt me.”

“He's a guy!” Grindelwald said, making a last attempt to get it through her head.

“Besides, you can't beat him. He has no weaknesses-”

Grindelwald walked into her line of view and smirked. “I think... he does, (Y/N). I truly think... he does.”

~*~*~

Theseus sat in his chair, spinning around. “After Victoria and (Y/N) make up, we can put this all behind us.”

Victoria walked sad, slowly closing the door behind her. She whispered a silencing charm on the room before trying to figure out what to say.

“Hey, Victoria! What happened? Did you do it?”

Victoria cleared her throat. “Thes, we gotta talk.”

“Oh, Victoria, I just had the greatest day of my life! I can't stop thinking about (Y/N). She's something else.”

“Theseus! I'm trying to talk to you! Will you stop spinning in that stupid chair, calm down, and listen?”

He stopped spinning in his chair before trying to look at her- his head adjusting to the sudden stop in motion. “Aw, how can I calm down when I'm feeling so up?”

“What I'm trying to say is-”

Theseus grinned. “If it wasn't for you, I never would have met her. Oh, I owe you big time.”

“Will you just knock it off for a couple of seconds?” Victoria said, a bit agitated.

“Come on, Victoria, live a little! I’ve finally found happiness during this stupid war.”

“Listen to me! (Y/N)'s-” She started, moving closer to his desk.

“A dream come true?” Theseus quipped.

Victoria rolled her eyes. “Not exactly.”

“Absolutely beautiful?” He said, dreamily.

“Aside from that!” Victoria sighed, rubbing her temples.

“The most wonderful-” Theseus began.

“She's a fraud! She’s been playing with your feelings!”

“I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to-”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “You're missing the point.”

“The point is - I love her.” He said, standing up from his chair.

Victoria crossed her arms over her chest. “She doesn't love you, Thes. She's nothing but a two-timing,”

“Stop it!” He moved around his desk.

“No-good, lying, scheming-”

“Shut up!” He yelled, shoving Victoria towards the bookshelf.

She lost her footing and her back slammed against the bookshelf, causing some of the books to fall. She yelped as her back made contact.

Theseus’ eyes widened at his actions. He looked down at his hands, which were twitching, before looking back at her. “Victoria, I- Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.”

Victoria hissed in pain as one of her arms reached over to rub the spot of impact. “You need to control your temper, Theseus, but besides the point. You don’t want to face the truth? Fine.” She winced as she slowly shoved herself off the bookcase and walked towards the door, not caring about the books on the floor.

“Victoria, wait. W-Where are you going?” He stammered.

“I'm going home.” She replied, wincing once again.

“What? Why? You can’t go home until you’ve been checked. I can take you to the Healer-”

“You know… You came home a War Hero and became the highly respected Auror that you are…” Victoria trailed off, stopping in her tracks. He took a step towards her. She turned her head slightly, Theseus now able to see the small, sad smile on her face. “But you’re not the Theseus that left me all those years ago.”

Theseus sighed. “Victoria, you can’t keep living in the past!”

Victoria turned around- quickly regretting her actions as her muscles ached. “So was our friendship nothing? All these years, since we were eleven- nothing?!”

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing! I thought you were my friend!”

“Of course I’m your friend! You’re just not seeing that… that (Y/N) is working for the other side!” She said, flailing her arms around to make her point, no longer caring about the pain it caused.

“She wouldn’t-”

Victoria grumbled. “Here we are again. Don’t believe me? So be it… But remember this: when the truth reveals itself? Don’t come crying to me.”

“Fine! It’s not like I needed you anyway!” He said angrily, but instantly regretted his choice of words.

Victoria gasped, her hands covering her mouth.

Now he’d done it. Theseus made his way to her. “V-Victoria, I didn’t mean that- I was just-”

Victoria put up her hand to stop him mid-sentence and mid-walk. “It’s okay. Just finish signing the paperwork and you can leave.”

“Victoria-” He called out, a pathetic attempt to keep her there.

“I’ve saved your arse time and time again- since the beginning. Years ago, that was schoolboy stupidity. Now? Hell, I don’t know what this is. I don’t even know who you are anymore. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mister Scamander.” She said before leaving his office.

•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•

Months after their argument, things were back to normal- sort of. Auror duo, Howard-Scamander, had split apart. Even though it was odd not to see them on missions together, no one dared to question it or ask either person about it.

Then Victoria’s claim about (Y/N) working with Grindelwald had been proven. Theseus, Victoria, and (Y/N) gathered in Travers’ office. After a long interrogation, Travers had decided (Y/N)’s fate.

“Due to your affiliation with Gellert Grindelwald, you are therefore guilty of a treasonous-”

“You know I didn’t hurt anyone, you know that! You’ve seen me in the field! Or are you in such a high position where being deployed on missions is not in your job description?”

“You are therefore guilty of a treasonous betrayal of your fellow wizards and are sentenced to death.” Travers finished.

Two executioners step forward. They calmly, intrusively, press the tips of their wands into (Y/N)’s neck. (Y/N) was so overcome with shock and fear that she could barely speak.

“Just do it immediately. I will inform Minister Fawley myself.” Travers said to the executioners.

Victoria opened her mouth to speak, but no words could come out. 

“Travers, she doesn’t deserve this!” Theseus yelled.

Travers placed a finger to his lips. “That’s enough. Miss Howard, please escort Mister Scamander out of here.”

~*~*~

A long, black, metallic corridor led into a pure white cell, which consisted of a chair suspended magically over a square pool of rippling potion. (Y/N) was forced into this room by the executioners. A guard stood at the door.

“Don’t do this. Nicole, please-” (Y/N) pleaded.

“It won’t hurt.” Nicole cooed softly.

(Y/N) was led to the edge of the pool. She began panicking, her breathing heavy and erratic.

The other executioner raised their wand and carefully extracted (Y/N)’s happy memories from her head. (Y/N) instantly calmed down, her expression now vacant. The executioner cast the memories into the potion, which rippled, coming alive with scenes from (Y/N)’s life.

A young (Y/N) smiled up as her mother called, “(Y/N)... (Y/N)... Come on, dearie, time for bed. Are you ready? You’re headed off to Hogwarts tomorrow.”

“I’m ready, mum…”

(Y/N) watched, smiling down at the scene.

“Doesn’t that look good? You wanna go to the chair?” Nicole asked calmly. (Y/N) nodded vacantly as she was guided onto the chair.

She now sat in the execution chair. She gazed down and beneath her swirled happy images of her at Hogwarts.

“(Y/N) (L/N)!”

(Y/N) hesitantly walked to the stool and sat down. She felt the hat being placed on top of her head.

“Difficult! Very difficult… Decisions, decisions…"

A small moment passed before the hat roared, “RAVENCLAW!”

(Y/N), still gazing into the pool, smiled wistfully. A small bubble started to form around the chair,

“(Y/N)!” Theseus’ voice echoed throughout the room.

A spell fired, hitting Nicole, who dropped to the floor, her wand falling into the pool. As it fell, the liquid rose up in viscous black bubbles, instantly engulfing the wand. In reaction, (Y/N)’s memories turned from good to bad: The memory of Grindelwald’s plan to use (Y/N) was displayed.

“See, he's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness I mean for what? Pandora, it was the box thing, for the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay? We simply need to find out Pretty Boy's.” Grindelwald said, walking around the room.

(Y/N) sat on the cushion of the bay view window. “I've done my part. Get your other imps-”

“They couldn't handle him as a soldier. I need someone who can... handle him as a man.”

“Hey, I've sworn off manhandling.” She replied.

“Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into the jam in the first place, isn't it? You swore your allegiance to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does that jerk thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, (Y/N)? Huh?” He taunted.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. “Look, I learned my lesson, okay?”

Grindelwald circled around the room before stopping at her side. “Which is exactly why I got a feeling you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down that War Hero and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire Wizarding World,” He stopped next to her and bent down. “Your freedom.” He whispered in her ear.

(Y/N), still enraptured by the pool, looked increasingly terrified. Her stool lowered closer and closer to the liquid.

Theseus managed to disarm and bind up Nicole, the other executioner, and the guard. He was about to save (Y/N) until

“Expelliarmus!” A voice shouted from the door.

Theseus’ wand was knocked from his hand. He turned around to Victoria standing at the door, catching her breath. She muttered the summoning charm before his wand was summoned to her hand.

Victoria quickly got hold of his wand before Theseus could reach it.

Theseus looked at her. “Victoria, I know we’re not on speaking terms, but please… My wand…”

She stared at him. A year ago, she’d give in, but not now. “No, I can’t let you save her Mister Scamander.”

“If you can’t beat them… then join them, right?” He let out a sad laugh. “If this is the last thing I tell you, I want you to know that even after this, you’re still my best friend. And you’re one hell of an Auror.” He said before making his way toward the edge of the pool.

Victoria gasped. “Damn it, Theseus!” She walked into the room and pointed her wand at him, “Incarcerous!”

Theseus was then bound by thick cords that came out of thin air, causing him to fall on his side. He hissed at the pain, but Victoria paid no mind. At least her friend was safe.

Victoria pointed her wand at the executioners and guard, unbinding them from their restraints. “Now get out of here.” The three of them nodded before shuffling out of the room.

Theseus looked at the memory pool, watching the last of (Y/N) memories. Victoria looked up at (Y/N), seeing the tears running down her cheeks. She almost felt pity for her- almost.

“Victoria, please…” Theseus pleaded for probably the last time.

Victoria then looked at the memory pool. It changed to the day where she and Theseus played hooky. She could see how happy they were together.

(Y/N) let out a sad laugh, causing Victoria and Theseus to look up at her. “I love you, Theseus… Sorry I didn’t tell you that day…” (Y/N) cried before the potion fully consumed her.

Theseus choked a sob as he held onto Victoria, hugging her torso, hiding his face in her shoulder. Victoria felt the tears building up before reality caught up to her. She gasped softly, tears running down her face.

Victoria was responsible for the execution of a fellow Auror. She was worried about her standings with Theseus, but that didn’t matter at the moment.

At that moment, she needed to comfort and be there for her friend. For her friend was mourning the loss of the one he loved the most.

[marvelgiggles]

What Are Best Friends For?

Tom Holland x Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Hello! Recently I’ve been obsessed with Tom, Harrison and Reader best friends fics. So I wanted to try and write one. I got carried away and it’s super long and it starts out pretty angsty but ends with a lot of fluff!!

You quietly opened the door to your shared apartment, you didn’t want to alert your roommates that you came home early. You were supposed to have a date tonight but after waiting at the restaurant for hours for your date you decided to make your way back to apartment knowing that you’ve been stood up. You couldn’t help but check your phone to see if he ended up texting you, he did. He pretty much told you it was all a bet with his friends to see if he could get you to agree to go on a date with him and that you weren’t attractive to him.

You were always a little insecure about yourself. You’ve never really had a boy be interested in you and you were excited and flattered that you were going out on your first date, but now knowing that it was all for a bet made you feel horrible about yourself and felt humiliated. You knew that if your two best friends found out you were sure they’d beat him to a pulp. They would also try and pick up the pieces of yourself that were now broken and you didn’t want to burden them with it. They had more important things to focus on like new movies and projects.

Your two best friends were Tom Holland and Harrison Osterfield. You met Tom first when you two used to live across the street from each other when you were younger and when Tom befriended Harrison at school the three of you were inseparable from then on. So, it made the most sense for the three of you to move into together. Even though Tom essentially kidnapped Harrison when Tom got his role in the MCU, they didn’t forget about you. You decided to go to university so you stayed back in London, taking care of Tessa, cleaning the apartment and hanging out with your friends from university and spent him with your family and theirs since you were all so close. Every couple weeks, or when you had a break from school, you got a plane ticket in the mail to come and fly out to wherever Tom and Harrison were for the week.

You didn’t want any pity from your best friends, you just wanted to sneak into your room and snuggle with Tessa for the rest of the night and swearing off boys for the rest of your life. Thankfully neither of the boys were in living room so you quickly made your way to your bedroom, you suddenly heard movement and froze in place. You let out a deep breath when you realized it was Tessa coming to greet you. She quickly made her way into your room and jumped up on your bed ready for her to snuggle you. You curled up next to her and finally let the tears flow before you drifted off to sleep.

You woke up the next morning with Tessa still curled up next to you. You didn’t want to get out of bed and face the day. You knew your roommates would be home and would ask you about your ‘date’ from last night. You convinced yourself that you could train Tessa to periodically leave the room to get you food so you could stay in your room forever. Suddenly there was a knock on your door.

“Y/N. Are you awake? Tom and I made breakfast and we would like to have Tessa back.” You heard Harrison state and you actually cracked a smile a little bit. Even though Tessa was Tom’s dog, there was a never ending argument that she was more yours since you collectively spent the most time with her. Eventually you got the courage to get out of bed, pulled on some leggings and one of the many sweatshirts you stole from one of the boys. 

You made your way into the kitchen slash living room and saw both of the boys bare backs as they continued to cook breakfast for the three of you. It was a tradition at the apartment when all three of you were at the apartment. The three of you would spend most Sunday in the apartment, just spending time together as best friends. You’d eat breakfast together, either watch a movie or play Mario Kart, order some take out and continue to either binge something on one of the many streaming services you each had. 

Tom turned around and saw that you’ve made your way into the land of the living. “Mornin’ Y/N.” He greeted with a huge smile on his face, Harrison quickly turned around and gave you an equally big smile.

“How’d last night go?” He asked you. It was an innocent question and you shouldn’t have taken it so personally, but you couldn’t help the tears that started to form in your eyes. You quickly ducked your head down so the boys wouldn’t catch on.

“Fine.” You mumbled, you took a couple deep breaths and forced the tears back and made your way over to the bar and sat on one of the chairs.  

“Good enough for a second one?” Tom asked with a waggle of his eyebrows. You just simply shook your head, scared that if you spoke you would break down and cry. Tom came around the bar and slung an arm around your shoulder. “Well his loss Y/N.”

“You okay Y/N?” Harrison asked you cautiously. 

“Yeah.” You said but your voice betrayed you. You sounded sad and broken and you immediately felt Tom pull you more into his chest and you broke down into the tears again. 

“The date didn’t go well did it?” Tom asked you already knowing the answer. You just shook your head into his chest and you felt him lift you up into his arms and bring you over to the couch. Tom set you on his lap and Harrison made his way over and pulled your feet up into his lap. 

“What happened Y/N?” Harrison gently asked you not wanting to push you too far. 

You told them that you got stood up, that it was all a bet with his friends, and the text message he sent you. When you mentioned the text you felt Tom and Harrison both tense up beside you knowing how mad they were. You knew that they wanted to go and find him and give him a piece of their mind and while it was sweet of them, you also didn’t want them to get in trouble. 

Harrison took you from Tom’s lap and pulled you into his. He made you look him into his ocean blue eyes before telling you, “Y/N don’t you dare listen to anything that dingus has to say. You are the most incredible person that we have ever met.” He then kissed your forehead and squeezed you tighter into his hold. 

“Yeah, Y/N. He has no idea what he’s missing.” Tom said as he took both of your hands in his. “Do you know what this means?” You popped up and looked at Tom with confusion on your face and then you looked back at Harrison and he had the same look on his face.

"MOVIE DAY!!” Tom and Harrison both yelled. Tom popped up from the couch quickly running off to go grab all of the junk food from the kitchen and Harrison dropped you on the couch running off to go grab all of the blankets from the hall closet. The boys made quick work to set all of the food on the giant ottoman and wrapped all three of you up in blankets. 

In no time at all Infinity War was playing on the TV. It was just as enjoyable as the first time, you chose not to join them on set because you wanted to be surprised as everyone else. Although it was a lot of fun to know all of the behind  the scenes stuff that happened, but you couldn’t help but pick on your best friends in the movie.

“Who’s that nerdy looking guys behind Peter Parker on the bus.” 

“Watch it Y/N.” Harrison lowly growled, but it just egged you on.

“Really Tom you couldn’t have waited to put the mask on after you jumped from the bus?”

“Okay. If that’s how you want to play. Fine.” Tom said as you felt a poke at your side which caused you to squeal and jump away from Harrison, the guilty party, and closer to Tom. Tom quickly brought you tight to his chest with your arms crossed over your chest, he wrapped you in a tight bear hug so you wouldn’t be able to fight back. Harrison then grabbed both of your legs in a headlock and turned around to smirk at you.

“No. I’m not ticklish today.” You stated trying to squirm out of their grips but they were considerably stronger than you and much bigger too. 

“Oh really?” Harrison looks at you with a smirk on his face and gleam in his eye as he started to lightly flutter his fingers over your feet. You bit down on your bottom lip to prevent the giggles that your body wanted to release in. Although you did start to squirm just a little harder.

“I thought you weren’t ticklish today Y/N.” Harrison said as he continued to tickle both of your feet. You were impressed that you didn’t let out a giggle. “Then why are you trying to get away.”

“My feet are cold!” You said through gritted teeth as you were still trying to fight your way out of Tom and Harrison’s hold. 

“Here let me help you warm them up.” Harrison said as he started to quickly scratch all over your feet. You squealed and then burst into giggles, you were also desperately trying to kick your feet away from Harrison wretched fingers. 

Harrison continued to torment your feet and you couldn’t stop the laughter that was coming out of your mouth. After a while Harrison stopped tickling your feet but he still had a grip on your legs and he turned around to face you and Tom. 

“Ready to apologize yet?” Harrison smirked at you. You tried to shrug your shoulders but Tom still had a good grip on you, so you just shook your head. “Okay. Don’t say I didn’t give you a chance.” Harrison still had a good grip on both of your legs. You watched his fingers gently rest on top of one of your right kneecap, then he slowly spread them out in all directions. You shrieked and tried to kick your legs out of his grip before Harrison moved onto your other kneecap.

“Don’t do that.” You said between helpless giggles.

“What this?” Harrison taunted as he did the same thing to your other kneecap, causing the same reaction as the previous one. Once he did that move at least twice on both kneecaps he moved his hand right above your knee and started to squeeze. You started to let out giggles that sounded like that stupid red puppet from your childhood. 

Suddenly you felt a blow of air in your ear. You instantly craned your head away from the tickly breath of air. You felt it again but you couldn’t move your head any further. “Tom stop.” You cried.

“Y/N I’m not doing anything.” Tom said as he continued to blow in your ear and on the skin of your neck. You were now getting tortured by both of your best friends. You also felt Harrison moving up your legs causing you to laugh just a little bit harder but not like you were before, and you also felt Tom’s hard slide his hands slightly up your arms but he still had a tight grip on you.

All of a sudden you felt Harrison start to squeeze your hips. You arched your back as best you could but ultimately got nowhere. 

“Y/N what’s so funny? Why are you laughing so hard?” Harrison said.

“Yeah Y/N. You said you weren’t ticklish today.” Tom added, “so this won’t bother you right?” All of a sudden you felt a set of fingers in your underarms. This was your second most ticklish spot and the boys knew that. You threw your head back in laugher but now that Harrison had moved to tickling your hips you were free to kick your legs. 

“No!” You squealed but continued to laugh uncontrollably. 

“No it doesn’t bother you.” Harrison said, “what if I move here?” Harrison hands quickly were squeezing up and down your sides and your kicking became more and more desperate. 

“I’m sorry.” You cried hoping they would stop before they tickled your most ticklish spot. 

“Well that’s nice Y/N but we are having too much fun to stop.” Tom said but thankfully he stopped tickling your underarms but he went back to blowing air in your ear and on your neck. “Make us an offer.” Tom whispered in your ear causing you to start squealing again and trying to get away from Tom’s breath in your ear. 

“I’ll make you both root beer floats.” You cried out in-between your laughter as you were still trying to fight your way out of Tom’s arms.

You heard Tom just laugh to himself, “I’m not really feeling like a root beer float today. Haz?”

“Nope, I’m having too much fun right now!” You saw Harrison’s smirk through your tear filled eyes.

“Try again Y/N!” You could literally hear the smug smile you were sure was on Tom’s face as he and Harrison continued to torment you with tickles. “Come on Y/N make us an offer or Harrison will just continue.” Suddenly, your fear came true. Harrison’s hands had made their way to your most ticklish spot, your stomach.

You screamed and let out loud belly laughter. However, you were spent. You had no energy left so all you could do is laugh and lie there in Tom’s arms. They must have sensed that you had enough because Tom’s grip on you loosened and Harrison stopped tormenting you, although you didn’t move from where you were. 

After you calmed down the boys draped a blanket over you and your head rested in Tom’s lap, Tessa jumped up on the couch to cuddle with you, and Harrison propped your legs on top of his. The rest of your day was filled with movies, junk food galore, and friendship.

You felt yourself drifting off to sleep, when suddenly you felt a kiss on your forehead and then another one. You cracked your eyes open to see Harrison looking at you. “If you need anything Y/N/N, don’t be afraid to ask, you know that Tom and I won't judge you.” You simply nodded.

“Besides, Y/N what are best friends for?” Tom said as he lifted you up into his arms and carried you off towards your bed.