#this was released in 1995 in case you are wondering

[corneille-moisie]

:)

[centrally-unplanned]

To recount a twitter story, Kenny Lauderdale posted this very normcore review of the English release of Gainax VN Princess Maker 2 from the May 1996 edition of the (Michigan) Times Herald:

It includes some great quotes, like Japanese professor Etsuko Yamashita believing its existence is a step back for feminism - very amusing given how gender-equal the player base for these games is today! Time marches past us all. Sometimes for the better - it cost $140 in Japan on release!?

But what I found interesting was the art featured - because that isn't Princess Maker 2?

This is PM2, that girl above is not our player-named protagonist.

Turns out that is art is from Princess Maker 3:

You can see specific scenes like the beach as well, in case you had any doubt. This is weird though because, well, Princess Maker 3 came out in January of 1997? More than half a year after this article was published! Which means they somehow had access to promotional material for Princess Maker 3? Which to be clear absolutely did exist at the time - in fact, Princess Maker 3 was bought up by Sony as a limited release for their brand-new console the Playstation. PM3 was actually featured on the cover of the first ever volume of the Dengeki Playstation magazine, released in January of 1995 (the PS1 coming out in December 1994):

Alas I haven't found a copy of this scanned online, so I can't say what it contained. This being two years before the game's release does honestly point to some development hell drama, the timeline for a game back then should not be that lengthy. Man, wonder what was happening at Gainax in 1995 that might have been a distraction...

Still, we have a question of how this American newspaper article got their hands on them. It also seems worthwhile to note that this article is syndicated - it was published in a dozen newspapers across the country around this time, but with different titles and photos to fit each paper's needs. And other papers do have correct Princess Maker 2 screenshots on them!

I have no grand answer here or anything, sorry guys, but I think we can infer it. The article itself actually mentions that a "third one" is now in the works, which is something they would have learned from the publisher of the English version, IntraCorp (they weren't reading Japanese press magazines in 1996!). IntraCorp likely wanted them to mention it because they themselves were going to hopefully license it, assuming the first (well, second) one was successful - this was their first foray into this specific licensing niche, previously making action games like Witchaven II: Blood Vengeance. In early 1996 they sent out copies & press kits to reviewers, and I am guessing that copy almost certainly included - perhaps poorly labeled - promotional material for Princess Maker 3 as well that Gainax had provided them, so they would mention it in the article and seed hype. The harried layout editor at The Times Herald opened the wrong folder and threw them on the page by mistake - after all the author didn't work for him, he worked for the Associated Press. He had no experience with the game to know his error.

We will never know because this is a niche curiosity from almost 30 years ago, sure, but we will also never know because the game being reviewed above...was never released! IntraCorp declared bankruptcy soon after the publication of this article. They were not the localizers themselves - a team of 4 people called SoftEgg were - but their contract with them was binding enough that it left the virtually-finished translated copy in perpetual legal limbo. Eventually it was leaked onto the internet as a form of abandonware a few years later. The hard-working men of America never got to be "Sim Dad" in 1996 unless they were intrepid enough to be UseNet Forum users hunting down and running Japanese-language romhacks.

Which is not a hypothetical, that was occurring. I will leave you all with the opening quote from the rec.arts.anime group's User Manual for navigating your Nihongo copy of Princess Maker 2, preserved still in the roms you can download today:

We all know of Gainax as being the wonderful company that brought us Wings of Honneamise, Otaku no Video as well as multitudes of garage kits and other paraphenelia. However with the release of Princess Maker 2, one might think that their true calling is in computer software! This band of self described otakus which managed to lose almost all their profits in the anime business have come back by releasing several computer games (some of which were on display at Anime Con).

...written, of course, in 1994 :)

[remembertheplunge]

Is society well served by his death?

“2/6/1995. Margin notes from the Tao of power:

Margin notes from Section 18:

Is society well served by his death? One less pre trial for Thursday. One less crazy on the street. If this is so, why did the jail guard say today ”This is so depressing, this work. I’m in school and will move on.” Was she served by his hanging death?

And, so now, I’m feeling so let down by the system. Wind knocked out. Punch to solar plexus.

Death is is damn final. 

I want to run to him on Friday to say “Don’t do it Andre. Give me a chance." I wish I’d written back to his Mom. I’m so fucking damn cold. Over fucking whelmed.

There is something wrong here. Really wrong. Death. I wonder how the “victim” feels?

Is this what they want? Society? Do they believe this is funny?

You asked me to come and see you. I didn’t. You asked when, when will you come and see me? Overwhelmed.  It’s my fault.

We all hang and sway with you, Andre.

What does your Mom think? I’ll keep my promise to the end. Why couldn’t you wait for me?

I know that they are cruel. But, why couldn’t ya give it a whirl? I mean, you were only 27 and you’d waited all these months. I mean…it was only till Thursday and I’d been working on the DA and I’d hired a psychologist.. We had a shot at time served or maybe a not guilty. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Margin notes from Section 27:

2/6/1995.  On the hanging death of Andre .

I don’t know what to say. I think that in this situation, the significant resource was the DA Court Cop Jail Societal force. It just totally failed . Total, total let down. Dead. Flat. I don’t believe in it. What happened? What went wrong? Who’s fault?

This clearly should not have happened. Clearly. Clearly.

I know, he was not sane. He was troubled. So, watch him. Talk to him. MEDICATE HIM.

DON’T SINGLE CELL WAREHOUSE HIM, ALONE,TO BE MURDERED BY HIS OWN DEMONS.

Was he served by our actions? He is society.

How ironic, they call it the Safety Center. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/9/1995

Maybe a big part of my job is to be there with these feelings. Full, fleshed out, absorb the human part of us, feelings.

Notes:

Margin notes  above written in the book “The Tao of Power A new translation of the Tao Te Ching by R. L. Wing.   1986

Andre was a client of mine in February 1995.  I was a Stanislauss County Deputy Public Defender then. When I say I was overwhelmed in the margin note, I mean I was overwhelmed with cases. Andre hung himself the Saturday before his Thursday pre trial hearing. In my margin note, I wanted to return to  Friday, the day before he hung himself.. I wanted to go to the jail and tell him not to kill himself

Time served meant that Andre  could enter a plea and be released and serve no more jail time.

Andre killed himself in a part of the jail called “The Safety Center”. It is located on Hackett Road.

I am not sure what Andre was charged with or what the facts of the case were.

The fact that I wondered what the victim in the case thought about his suicide would lead me to believe it was a domestic violence case. But, I don’t know for sure.

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

Love Story

Written By: Taylor Swift

Artist: Taylor Swift

Released: 2008 (re-recorded 2021)

Alternate version included: 1989 World Tour pop version, 2015

Taylor was inspired to write “Love Story” when she was going through a difficult situation with a boy she liked, whom she wasn’t “officially” dating. She chose to portray the story of Romeo and Juliet in the song, because she felt like she could relate. The lyrics talk about disapproval against the relationship, and her desire to go somewhere far away with him, and escape the people who look down on them. “Love Story” peaked at #1 on Billboard’s Hot Country Songs, and at #5 on the Billboard Hot 100, just weeks after its release. The song’s music video was described as timeless, by Swift. The video won the CMT Music Awards for “Video of the Year,” as well as “Female Video of the Year.” In February 2021, “Love Story” became the first official re-release from Taylor’s back catalog following contractual disputes with Scooter Braun. It marked the beginning of a new chapter in her career as she sought autonomy and freedom from what she perceived as a manipulative business relationship.

[Verse 1] We were both young when I first saw you I close my eyes and the flashback starts I'm standing there On a balcony in summer air See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns See you make your way through the crowd And say, "Hello" Little did I know [Pre-Chorus] That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet" And I was crying on the staircase Begging you, "Please don't go," and I said [Chorus] Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes" [Verse 2] So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew So close your eyes Escape this town for a little while, oh, oh [Pre-Chorus] 'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet" But you were everything to me I was begging you, "Please don't go," and I said [Chorus] Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes" Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel This love is difficult, but it's real Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes" [Post-Chorus] Oh, oh [Bridge] And I got tired of waiting Wondering if you were ever coming around My faith in you was fading When I met you on the outskirts of town [Chorus] And I said, "Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone I keep waiting for you, but you never come Is this in my head? I don't know what to think" He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring, and said "Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone I love you and that's all I really know I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress It's a love story, baby, just say, 'Yes'" [Outro] Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh 'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

I Was Born to Love You

Written By: Freddie Mercury

Artist: Freddie Mercury

Released: 1985

Cover included: Queen, 1995

“I Was Born to Love You” is a 1985 song by Freddie Mercury, and was released as a single and on the Mr. Bad Guy album. After Mercury’s death, Queen re-worked this song for their album Made in Heaven in 1995, by having the other members play their instrumental parts over the original track transforming the song from a disco song to a rock song. The Queen version from the Made in Heaven album also includes samples of Mercury’s ad-lib vocals taken from “A Kind of Magic” and from “Living On My Own”.

[Chorus Intro] An amazing feeling coming through I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart Yes, I was born to take care of you Every single day of my life [Verse 1] You are the one for me, I am the man for you You were made for me, you're my ecstasy If I was given every opportunity I'd kill for your love, hey So take a chance with me, let me romance with you I'm caught in a dream, and my dream's come true (It's) so hard to believe this is happening to me An amazing feeling coming through [Chorus] I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart, yeah I was born to take care of you, huh Every single day of my life [Verse 2] I wanna love you, I love every little thing about you I wanna love you, love you, love you (Born) to love you, (born) to love you, yes (born) I was born to love you (Born) to love you, (born) to love you every single day of my life I was born to take care of you every single day of my life [Instrumental Break] [Bridge] My life! Hey hey! Every single day of my life [Chorus] I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart Yeah, I was born to take care of you, honey Every single day of my life

[synergysilhouette]

Remaking 1995's "Pocahontas"

This is definitely one of Disney's most controversial films, and I wanted to take a stab at remaking it, stripping back historical associations so it could be a fantasy film that Disney could release in the 2020s without too much concern for offending Indigenous Americans. Please let me know your thoughts!

Part 1: Reference Panel/Designs

When making Pocahontas as a character, the directors drew upon Native American, Asian, and Black women to create her character, though it'd obviously be best to use Native American women if we were creating her in this time and age to show more cultural appreciation. In this specific case, I'd imagine using models like Ashley Callingbull and Quannah Chasinghorse as inspiration for Pocahontas. Since this is an original story, I'd wonder if they'd adhere to something similar to her blue concept art, her 2013 redesign, or something new altogether. Both designs are beautiful and avoid the sexualization of her original incarnation in the film.

In my mind, the love interest for Pocahontas would be a cross between John Smith and John Rolfe, having Smith's taste for adventure while still keeping Rolfe's academic intellect and skills with diplomacy. While overcoming racism is a big deal for Smith in the film, I feel like it'd make him too unlikable, as with Rolfe's sexism in the sequel. While I can see him having ignorance and preconceived notions, I feel like it's better to show him as someone new to the colonizing game and have a fresh, Thomas-like mentality (albeit slightly less innocent). This new love interest would have one of John Smith's earlier designs. I could definitely see him being inspired by Captain America: dutiful and loyal, but open to new ideas and perspectives. Honestly, his character would be a lot closer to Captain Phoebus from Disney's "Hunchback of Notre Dame."

Part 2: Story Changes

New Setting. As I mentioned before, I'd be making this a 100% original story, so this isn't set in America, the cultures that the two sides come from are fictional, and we use different names.

2. Different varieties of colonists. Aside from the traditional white settlers, we'd also see other Old World colonists, hailing from Asia and Africa. I know some people would think this just a minor shoutout for diversity, but I included this based on African slaves that came with the Europeans as well as Asian migrants that came to America during the 16th and 17th centuries.

3. We see more of Pocahontas' family. It's mentioned that historically, she had several half-siblings, so giving this fictional version of her three or four siblings would be neat, especially so you can see how tied she is to her culture. I'd probably also make Nakoma one of her sisters, since they have a sisterly bond. I'd also consider making the fictional version of Kocoum her brother instead of her betrothed, since I feel like it makes the audience care more about him and it'd explain why he's so protective of her. Expanding on Pocahontas' mother would also be awesome.

4. Thomas is John's brother. At first I thought this simply because in this version they'd both have red hair, but I thought about how Thomas was trying to make a good life for his family as well as how John Smith looked out for him like a little brother. Since I'm removing John's colonizing experience here and Thomas would be more likely to listen to Radcliffe if he and John weren't related, I think it makes sense that John influences his thoughts and decisions the most about the new world.

5. There's more of a cultural exchange. In part 1, Pocahontas mostly tells Smith about her world, while in part 2, Rolfe mainly tells her about his world. I'd like to combine the two so they can get to know and understand each other very well.

6. The fantasy aspect--it's easy to forget I'm not just changing controversial elements. Perhaps it's due to my thoughts on "Avatar: The Last Airbender," but I do like the idea of the colonists and Natives being able to use magic; not only is it entertaining for the audience, but it can also be symbolic for several situations, ie the colonists bringing diseases to the Natives, and the Natives' spiritual connection to nature while the colonists' being much more "modern" and less elemental.

7. This happens over a period of years. I feel like this is great to let Pocahontas and John's relationship grow organically (since some think her and John Smith's relationship was rushed and encouraged by passion), as well as showing us how the relationship between the Natives and the colonists fluctuate.

Hope you like my ideas! Lemme know what you think or if you have any questions. Would this have made you enjoy the film more?

[archoneddzs15]

Sega Saturn - Gran Chaser (Cyber Speedway)

Title: Gran Chaser / グランチェイサー

Developer/Publisher: Sega / Nextech

Release date: 26 May 1995

Catalogue No.: GS-9022

Genre: Racing

Another title in which famed designer Syd Mead took the role of Visual Concept Designer. This is supposed to be a spiritual sequel to one earlier racing game made by Cyberdreams on the PC, titled "CyberRace". According to my hazy memory, I remember seeing a very early beta of this game and it looked better than this final release. So, what the hell happened?

Gran Chaser runs pretty smoothly most of the time, but it does suffer from some pretty bad slowdown. It also has a lot of polygon bending issues but then again most early Saturn games did. The learning curve of the courses is pretty good mind you however the courses themselves are too plain and dull for the most part plus the control system could be a lot better.

Considering that this was made well before Wipeout I'd say it's not that bad and I wouldn't be surprised if Wipeout even borrowed ideas from this game such as the weapon system. 

One point of interest though is that the USA version of Gran Chaser (Cyber Speedway) seemed to suffer a case of "Sonic CD USA soundtrack" syndrome in terms of music changes. Apparently, the music in the USA version was recorded by Spencer Nilsen and his band "Bygone Dogs" and the music never fit the theme of the game whatsoever. I wonder why? It's not as if keeping the Japanese and PAL-UK soundtrack would have taken any more than an hour or two. If anything, Sonic CD's 2011 remaster actually proved that point.

[not-radioshack]

The S3 ViRGE Minecraft Thing

(Article originally posted on TheRetroWeb)

Have you ever wanted to play Minecraft? Have you ever wondered “how terrible can I make this experience”? No? Well too bad. You’ve clicked on this article and I’ve gone this far already, so let’s just keep going and see what happens.

A Little bit of history…

The S3 ViRGE, short for Video and Rendering Graphics Engine (alternately, Virtual Reality Graphics Engine), was first introduced in November of 1995, with an actual release date of early 1996. It was S3 Graphics’ very first 3D-capable graphics card, and it had the unfortunate luck of launching alongside… the 3Dfx Voodoo 1.

It became rather quickly apparent that the ViRGE was terribly insufficient in comparison to the Voodoo, and in fact even picked up the infamous moniker of “graphics decelerator”, which poked fun at its lackluster 3D performance.

The original ViRGE would be followed by the card that this article focuses on, the ViRGE/DX, just a little under a year later in the waning months of 1996.

The ViRGE/DX was a welcome improvement over the original release, lifting performance to more acceptable levels and improving software compatibility with better drivers. Mostly. And while native Direct3D performance was iffy at best and OpenGL support was nonexistent, S3 did have one last trick up their sleeves to keep the ViRGE line relevant: the S3D Toolkit.

Similar to 3Dfx’s Glide API, the S3D Toolkit was S3 Graphics’ proprietary low-level graphics API for the ViRGE. Unlike 3Dfx’s offering, however, S3D, much like the cards it was intended for, fell flat on its face. Only a small handful of games ever natively supported S3D acceleration, and by my own admission, I haven’t ever played any of them.

But wait, this article is about playing Minecraft on the ViRGE, isn’t it? The block game of all time is famously written in Java, and uses an OpenGL rendering pipeline. So, how can the S3 ViRGE, a card with no OpenGL support, possibly play Minecraft?

Wrappers!

This is where a little thing called “OpenGL wrappers” come in. Shipping in the form of plain OpenGL32.dll files (at least, on Windows) that you drop into a folder alongside whatever needs OpenGL acceleration, these wrappers provide a way to modify, or “wrap”, OpenGL API calls.

In our case, we are interested in the category of OpenGL wrappers that translate OpenGL API calls to that of other APIs. For a more modern equivalent of these wrappers, the Intel Arc line of graphics cards uses DXVK in order to translate older DirectX 9 calls to Vulkan, which is a natively-supported API.

For this experiment, we will be using a wrapper called “S3Mesa”, made by Brian Paul of the Mesa project. Though open-source, this wrapper never made it to a completed state, and is missing certain features such as texture transparency despite the ViRGE itself being supposedly capable of it. However, this does not affect gameplay much beyond aesthetics.

The S3Mesa wrapper, on a more technical note, translates OpenGL 1.1 calls to a mix of both S3D and DirectX API calls.

The System

At last, we arrive at the system hardware. As of writing, I am currently benchmarking a plethora of low-end (or otherwise infamous) cards for my “Ultra Nugget Graphics Card Roundup”, and so the system itself is likely a liiiiiittle bit overpowered for the lowly ViRGE/DX:

AMD Athlon XP (Palomino) @ 1.14GHz

Shuttle MK32 Socket A motherboard

256MB DDR-400

S3 ViRGE/DX (upgraded to 4MB of video memory)

Windows 98SE

Why Windows 98SE? Because S3 never released 3D-accelerated graphics drivers for non-Windows 9x operating systems in the consumer space.

For Minecraft itself, KernelEX 4.5.2 and Java 6 are installed as well, and an old version of the launcher dating back to early 2013 that I personally refer to as the “Minecraft 1.5 Launcher” is used for compatibility purposes. Also because no launcher that can work on Windows 98 is capable of logging into the authentication servers anymore.

Setting up the game

With Windows 98SE, KernelEX, and Java 6 installed (in that order, of course), we can turn our attention to the game itself. As mentioned before, no launcher to my knowledge that runs on Windows 98 is capable of logging into the auth servers. This results in two additional problems: starting the game itself and downloading game assets.

Using the 1.5 launcher solves this first issue by means of relying on a little thing called the lastlogin file. This is an old way that the launcher was able to allow players to keep playing offline when disconnected from the internet, but more importantly, unlike the modern launcher, it doesn’t expire. 🙂

And because of that, our login problem is solved by middle school me’s old .minecraft folder backup, from which I’ve extracted the lastlogin file for use in this experiment.

As for game assets, there is no longer any way to easily download the game files for use on Windows 98SE directly, and so I’ve instead pieced together a folder using that same backup. The most important thing is that instead there being a “versions” folder, there is now instead a “bin” folder, where both the natives and the game’s jarfile both reside.

Now that our .minecraft folder is acquired, take that thing and plot it right down into the Windows folder in Windows 98. Why? Because on Windows 98, the 1.5 launcher ignores the “application data” folder entirely. The launcher itself can go anywhere you’d like, so long as you’re using the .exe version and not the .jar version.

Finally, to wrap things up, place the OpenGL to S3D wrapper in the same location as the launcher exe. Make sure it’s called OpenGL32.dll!

The Game

You just lost it. 🙂

The S3 ViRGE, by my own testing, is capable of running any version of Minecraft from Classic up to and including Indev version in-20100110. However, it is EXTREMELY unstable, and has a tendency to crash mere seconds after loading into a world. This is on top of some minor rendering errors introduced by the aformentioned incomplete state of the S3Mesa wrapper. This video was recorded with Windows ME rather than Windows 98, but this does not impact anything regarding performance or compatibility (and in fact, at least from my own experience, the game is more stable under ME than 98).

Below are the desktop/game settings used in testing:

“Tiny” render distance

Desktop resolution: 640 x 480 (don’t fullscreen the game)

Bit depth: 16/24-bit color (32-bit can cause the ViRGE to run out of memory, and 16-bit can cause strange issues on Windows 98)

And last but not least, some gameplay. This came from some scrapped footage originally intended for my “UNGCR” video, and was only intended for personal reference in collecting performance numbers. As such, the audio is muted due to some copyrighted music blasting in the background.

Further reading/resources

Vogons Wrapper Project

Original video that this article is based on

VGA Legacy MKIII’s ViRGE/DX page

thanks for reading my walking natural disaster of an article kthxbaiiiiiiii

[kinopioa]

Sonic OVA thoughts (Part 1)

OVA is generally beloved by the fandom as a cool piece of Sonic media in the mid 90s. What gets me is how different it was compared to typical none canon Japan Sonic media at the time

For the follow up we have; -The 1992-94 Shogakukan Nicky manga of a timid kid

-The 1992 Sonic 2 promo manga, done by some of the artists in the previous Shogakukan Manga

-199?-1995 Harmony magazine exclusive art

-The 1994 TMS animated short featuring Eggman impersonating as Sonic out of jealousy

All of these typically depict Sonic (unless drawn by Oshima) as kiddier or cutesy, typically missing his attitude, or in the case of Nicky, is completely off base. This was even noted by Naka in development of Sonic Adventure, hence the need for the 1997 Project Sonic competition to reinvigorate edge and attitude

So OVA NOT being cutsey weirdly stands out for the period*

*While Junio/Toei's work for CD also isn't cutesy, that's core from games, not alt media, despite design difference

How does OVA stand out? Well...the prior context might've been why it didn't get to accomplish its goals

The OVA was initially rental tape only available between Jan 1996-March 1996, not getting a formal home release until May 1996. This is already odd, given rumors of it being intended to be a TV series but scrapped. The OVA was split into 2 parts originally, the first half focusing on going to the Land of the Darkness and fighting Mecha Robotnik, the latter focusing on Metal Sonic and the polar ice caps. The base story is concieved by Mayori Sekijima then scripted by Masashi Kubota, both having done full series by that point. Given 1997 Naka admitted that people in Japan didn't really know Sonic by that point (which was why Jam was made alongside lack of Sonic Saturn rep)...I have a feeling this wasn't that popular, despite ads

Anyway, the movie itself

We start with a dark room with monitors and a motionless floating mech of Metal Sonic. Eggman proclaims that he needs Sonic's DNA (more loosely called lifeforce essence here) to complete Hyper Metal Sonic. Note: Hyper Metal Sonic references the new mold he had for Chaotix in games!

We then cut to aesthetic landscape expanses of the Land of the Sky. It helps give us a picture of their world. Refreshingly, not just checker spam that 2nd game devs randomly did a lot despite Sonic Team doing other types of locales. We also see the Old Man Owl flying a spluttering ship, more on that later...

We end up at Sonic's island, composing of wrecked airplanes, buses-i-is that a Star Wars ship!? Pretty interesting, I wonder if they'll tell us where it came from-

But we get interrupted with Tails showing Sonic his newest invention to try out. Sonic isn't interested, so Tails goes out to try it for himself, splashing Sonic accidentally

Note: Tails does note Sonic can't swim here

We hear Tails calling for help soon after, which Sonic coldly ignores. This is something that gets me for this feature, Sonic has attitude, but is weirdly also dismissive of his friends that already run contradictory to games at the time. Even Tails screaming bloody murder doesn't do much as Sonic loudly tells him to shut up (Eng memes aside), only changing his mind when he see the old Owl Man crash through where Sonic was

Tails checks on the blue blur to see if he's ok, which Sonic is. He notes that they should help the Old Man, but Sonic again tells him he's not interested, flat out out saying "hey, you can fly bitch, you do it!", to which Tails calls him out, then takes it upon himself to save the old man. While at first it goes well thanks to surfing, both soon realize they'll crash into the cliffside, to which he screams. At that point Sonic realizes "oh, they might die", then saves them

Speaking of, they seemingly know of this guy before this event. Who is he? How'd they meet? We'll never know!

Afterwards, Owl Man is in shock, which Sonic gets a Crabmeat (wouldn't that still have a Flicky given this period?) to pinch him, bringing him back to his senses, then rambling about how he was an expert racer in his day that got chicks. Tails reminds him that he had something important to say, and we learn that the President wants Sonic due to an emergency. Sonic and Tails then have the aesthetic plane sequence and head out, leaving the old man to watch over Sonic's...well, wreckage is more apt

We have more aesthetic shots showing the capital city of the Land of the Sky, though there's a weird lack of people here... Inside it's revealed Eggman has taken over, shooting Sonic/Tails, and having the President and his daughter held as hostage. We-

Wait, this landmass is South Island!? What's with none canon Sonic media spamming South Island, when mainline games went to different areas

Seriously, most of the STI and Aspect Ltd 8 bit games do this unlike Sonic Team. Even Fighters by Sega AM2 did. Why? Sonic is noted to exploring other locales, likewise Eggman isn't too stationary if a plan fails one spot. It's just...why?

Also epic sub typo

Anyway, Eggman explains the history of the Land of the Sky and Darkness, and how they are 2 split halves. This bores everyone, so he demands Sonic to help him stop a generator in Eggmanland that's out of control, thanks to an upsurper called Mecha Robotnik (Black Robotnik in Japan). If it isn't stopped, the generator would destroy the Land of the Darkness, which would in turn destroy the Land of the Sky. Everyone again is bored, flat out sleeping, so he stresses that someone needs to bypass his taken traps and stop the generator. Sonic dismisses it, despite Sarah and the President begging, as he believes Eggman to be lying, which takes Tails to convince him to just do it. Sonic overall is pretty unhelpful here honestly. Eggman gives Tails a navigator (which Sonic questions way too late if it's rigged AFTER they fly out), and the plot's moving...

Oh nah, we just have Eggman and Sarah playing fighting games

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a Sonic the Fighters ref. This OVA came out well before that arcade game was out

Ignoring filler, everyone's pretty lax about the kidnapping here. Sarah even threatens to stop being hostage, which...doesn't make sense. She's surrounded by a bunch of robots. We then have a mecha crash in and open its hatch, so we now know Eggman's up to something (which was obvious)

Back to Sonic/Tails

Come to think of it, this all implies Sonic never fought Eggman there before. Which gives interesting implications of Eggman only causing trouble in the Land of the Sky, then retreating after failure to Sonic

Anyway, they crash land due to turbulence, and set out on a path straight to Eggmanland

We have a montage of Sonic going through the various landscapes, with him noting how many robots (no Flickies, huh) and traps there are. Tails assures that it is the quickest path, leading directly to a warp zone (?), and the two wound up in E 44th St. in an ancient city

We don't have much explanation for this area, and Tails confirms this isn't Eggmanland yet. Sonic scours the skyscraper to get a better view on their location, and the two head towards Eggmanland, only to be stopped by...

Mecha Robotnik, who attacks and gives chase

Note, Sonic's unable to hurt him

The two dodge its attacks, hiding behind a bus to figure what to do. Sonic notes that they can't waste time fighting it, and Tails notes the direction they should go....

Only for Sonic to moronically alert Mecha where they are by taunting it. Side note: contrary to rumors, this was never censored in English

This Sonic is stupid, I'm sorry. He lacks tact Game Sonic would have

So anyway, the two are chased through the highway, reaching by a broken edge near the water. Mecha shoots by their feet, causing them to fall, and the two take advantage of the obscurity to try to trick Mecha Robotnik him into thinking they fell fully and drowned. But Mecha isn't stupid, so they get further chased. Mecha Robotnik soon shifts to shooting glue from its ass

Due to a lightning shock, Tails gets scared and freezes, which gets him trapped. Before Sonic can save him, Mecha Robotnik shoots several missiles that home in on the hedgehog, with several causing explosions throughout the city as Sonic runs away. This alerts...

Knuckles? So Angel Island doesn't exist? Just unexplained like Triple Trouble I guess...

I swear these noncanon devs never legit played Sonic outside Sonic 1-

Rant aside

While it seems hopeless for Tails, it turns out that Sonic hitched a ride on one of the missiles, redirecting it to hit Mecha Robotnik

It's a clean shot, but the blast weakens the structural integrity of the area. Worse, Sonic lands on the sticky glue from earlier, and the collapsing ground floods from the lake nearby. Mecha Robotnik wobbles back, about to shoot him, but right at the last second, Knuckles flies in to stop it, then frees Tails

Tails unfortunately can't fly to Sonic as his tails are stuck and unable to spin for approximately 10 seconds before it becomes a literal none issue

While Tails reaches the drowning hedgehog and tries to pull him out, Knux is distracting Mecha Eggman. Unfortunately he gets stuck in glue as well

Mecha, running out of bullets, decides to crush the echidna. Tails finally manages to free Sonic

Who then-

Hey, his right arm wasn't hit hit by the missile! Don't bullshit suddenly being able to cut through it

Now fully disarmed (kicks self), Mecha makes a retreat. Thanks to somehow being able to fly, Knux gets Sonic close enough to hurl him at the flying mech, leading to Mecha getting skewered and split

Sonic and co leave, revealing Eggman and Sarah in the wreckage. The doctor fumes about how Eggmanland hosts something far worse than Mecha, which Sarah calls BS

Cutting to another scene, Sonic thanks Knux, with Tails mentioning this

Yeah you guys really need a TV series to flesh this out, there are too many unexplained points for char introductions given how different this is to games, yet casually act like this is status quo. Also why is Sonic the only one shaded there?

Sonic and co realize the sun is setting, meaning that time is almost up before the generator explodes. So they head out, leaving Knux to do his own thing...for about 5 seconds

Knux joins the two, defying gravity while Sonic constantly has to deal with awkward terrain. Given he's a dick, eh

This isn't even an animation error, even bios for this OVA says he flies and not glides for some dumb reason. He's incorrectly referred directly as a mole in dub bios as well (like cuz Harimogura out of context is directly translated as "spiky mole")

But fans like his hat, so Knux is apparently excused for unexplained adaptation changes

That wraps up part 1 cuz of image limit, my thoughts

-Sonic is too douchey and dumb personality wise. His feats mask that for a lot of fans, but I don't buy it. Tails and Knux are alright though, especially with Tails copying Sonic's poses at bits, astraphobia, and his tech prowess, but Knux is just there. Eggman's good though

-The plot is messy. They needed to flesh out char origins for some, and the city

-This won't be fixed, but despite the expanse landscape, there's no fauna or other people shown. Feels weirdly empty

-I'm watching the Bandai Sub version. Eng dub there aren't major changes to plot though, and the translation error is strictly for DVD bios

-Not a fan of South Island being focus for Capital. It weirdly shrinks the world. Insert rant of how everyone is ignoring Sonic Team themselves changing locales

It's aesthetic and fun, but broken and poorly paced when looking past that. I can't fault the Eng dub

@randomthefox @darklightheart @beevean

[aquamarine-oceanfront]

A post about North American sales data for Klonoa 1 & 2

I can't really think of an introduction, so here are the key points of the full post for convenience's sake:

The NPD Group (now one half of Circana) has tracked video game sales in North America since 1995 - initially(?) integrating it into their Toy Research Survey Tracking (TRST) system, which tracked sales reported by 17 different retails comprising 63% of the North American market. It's not a perfect system by any means, but it's something, at least.

While the organization discouraged publishing the raw data, a random, long-dead website seems to have done just that for the months of December 2002 and January 2003.

According to the latter spreadsheet, by January 2003, Klonoa: Door to Phantomile and Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil had respectively sold 25,861 and 97,766 copies in their retail lifespans at that point. (I'm not entirely sure whether this is specifically for the US or North America more broadly.)

More details after the jump.

To set the scene, this excerpt from the April 1997 issue of Next Generation magazine provides a good explanation of how the TRST system works, including the potential pitfalls in its methodology:

Also worth noting is that Walmart stopped providing sales figures to TRST starting in July 2001, the same month Lunatea's Veil released in the US. (Toys R Us would follow suit in the middle of August 2003, though this is not especially relevant here.) This, naturally, is a fairly significant blind spot in the data - by February 2012, when Walmart resumed providing numbers to the NPD Group, an analyst estimated the chain was responsible for 25-30% of video game sales in the US, and I have no reason to believe they weren't pulling similar numbers in the early 2000s.

Now, one may wonder how the public would've been able to get their hands on sales numbers that the Group insisted on keeping private. In this case, the answer is a random, long-defunct website republishing two spreadsheets claiming to have TRST data for video games sold in December 2002 and January 2003. I can't verify the accuracy of these web pages myself, but given their age I suspect it'd be difficult to decisively prove it either way. Plus, aside from some simple yet odd date typos in the 2003 spreadsheet, from what I've read they seem official and plausible - not to mention reasonably comprehensive.

With all that buildup out of the way, here are what I believe may be some of (if not the only) publicly-accessible sales figures for Door to Phantomile and Lunatea's Veil in North America (or at least the US).

The original spreadsheet for December 2002 puts Door to Phantomile quite a ways down, since it hadn't sold any copies that month. Nevertheless, it does give us a figure for the copies it'd sold in its lifetime (beginning with its release in March 1998): 25,851.

Lunatea's Veil, a relatively current release, fares better. Between July 2001 and December 2002, TRST's data says it sold 97,220 copies, with 1,138 being sold that month alone. The numbers on the right (rounded to two decimal places) indicate that, for the month of December 2002, it was sold for an average of $28.18 and brought in a total of $32,066.35.

Now we progress to January 2003. Unsurprisingly, Door to Phantomile did not sell any additional copies that month, remaining exactly as it was.

Lunatea's Veil sold 546 more copies, however, bringing its total sales up to 97,766. As before, the two rightmost columns track its average price ($19.81) and the total amount of money it brought in ($10,814.42), both specifically for January 2003. However, the two asterisks next to the latter number indicate that it may be inaccurate, so please take it with a larger grain of salt than the rest of the data.

I must admit I don't really have a conclusion here, outside of the obvious ways to interpret this data (the first game sold poorly, the second one did better but not exceptionally). If you have anything to add, please feel free to!

[erikkamirs]

Just caught up to the latest episode G-Witch (Episode 9)

But seriously, how does anyone actually get into the Gundam series? There are like 30 series/movies, and it's been going on since 1979! Even if I just wanted to watch the first series, that's like 43 episodes right there! I don't think I have the brain capacity! (You could potentially watch the three movies, which cut out the filler. But that's 3 entire movies worth of content!)

Last time I tried to get into a mecha series (Macross), I only got through the first series and the movie. My brain got sick of watching Macross lmao. Unless Gundam is just so damn good that I can't put it down, I feel like the same shit would happen.

Those Gundam toys must be incredibly profitable to fund that much Gundam content.

In case, you didn't believe me, here's some Gundam entries: Mobile Suit Gundam (43 episodes); Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam (50 episodes) ; Mobile Suit Gundam ZZ (47 episodes).

Then the movie Mobile Suit Gundam: Char's Counterattack.

Then there's a bunch of OVAs. There's the 6 episode OVA - Mobile Suit Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket. Then the 13 episode OVA. - Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory. Then the 12 episode OVA - Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team. Then the 3 episode OVA - Mobile Suit Gundam MS IGLOO: The Hidden One Year War. Then Mobile Suit Gundam Unicorn (7 episode OVA). Then Mobile Suit Gundam: The Origin (6 episode OVA). Thus ends the Universal Century time-line, and begins the Future Colony Time-line. That's already 10 different entires of Gundam.

Also this is not chronical to release date lmao.

For the Future Colony Time-line: Mobile Fighter G Gundam (49 episodes, Spring 1994).

Then the After Colony Time-line: Mobile Suit Gundam Wing (49 episodes, Spring 1995). Then the movie Mobile Suit Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz (August 1998).

Then the After War time-line: After War Gundam X (39 episodes, Spring 1996).

Then the Correct Century time-line: Turn a Gundam (50 episodes, Spring 1999)

Then the Cosmic Era: Mobile Suit Gundam SEED (50 episodes, Fall 2002) and Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Destiny (50 episodes, Fall 2004)

There's also Anno Domini time-line (3 entries) , the Advanced Generation Time-line (1 entry), Gundam Build Fighters time-line (5 entries) , the Post-Disaster Time-line (2 entries), and finally AD Stella time-line where G-Witch takes place.

This was exhausting to type out lmao. Imagine watching all of that. It would take years. I wouldn't be surprised if Gundam had more episodes than One Piece.

According to Reddit, there's 676 episodes of the main time-line. And 270.4 hours of content.

Then 57.28333 hours of Gundam OVA content. Then 29 hours of movie content. Then 41 hours of fringe Gundam content.

That's 398.55 hours or ~16 days worth of content.

Nope 🙅‍♀️. I think I would become more Gundam than person after that. And people wonder why there aren't any western Gundam fans. 🙄

This also probably explains why Mecha is not as popular as it used to be lmao. What else can you possibly do with Giant Robots that hasn't been done before lmao?

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

So Far...

We're at the halfway point now.

The first half of 2023, box office-wise for the all-animated pictures, has been kind of more of the same... In that, Disney's animated feature releases - or one, in this case - are still struggling to get big crowds that are needed to cover the gargantuan budgets pumped into these things... Universal - for the most part - is still bringing home bacon. THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE landed among the highest grossing animated movies, period. Massive opening here in the states, incredible legs for a frontloaded picture, and especially for one that got a more mixed critical reception.

About the MARIO reviews... This makes me chuckle a bit. Very online people like to use the not-amazing critical reception of recent Disney-released animated movies to knock them and also use them to explain their not great box office ("well, if they had a made *good* movies), buuuut they either say the critics are "wrong" and "hate fun" for giving MARIO so-so marks or they just ignore them entirely. Tribalism stinks. MARIO does its job, yes, but it's also based on probably one of the most recognizable IPs in the whole damn world. Take that away, I wonder what kind of money that movie would've made...

But it wasn't entirely great for Universal this year, for they bungled the release of RUBY GILLMAN, TEENAGE KRAKEN. I understand that a lot of the Illumination and DreamWorks movies on Uni's slate all got domino'd, pushing the individual movies back a couple of paces... But June 30th was the wrong time to release this, and waiting till 3 1/2 months before release date to officially announce the movie to the world was also a big mistake (rumor-mills were leaking stuff about "MEET THE GILLMANS" instead of DreamWorks doing any talking... And we're but a little over a year out from the original movie opening theatrically after KUNG FU PANDA 4 in 2024.) if you ask me.

RUBY GILLMAN would've been a perfectly serviceable mid-July release, but Christopher Nolan has way too much power as a director, mandating that Universal not release *any* movie near his precious OPPENHEIMER. What a diva. I would've settled for early September. A good amount of weeks away from MUTANT MAYHEM, and having all of September, October, and early November to itself... I still wonder why Universal thinks releasing TROLLS BAND TOGETHER three days before Disney Animation's WISH is a great idea. October's wide open, it's like right there! In fact, BAND TOGETHER comes out in October in various international territories. Why not the same in the Yoo, Ess of Ay?

So, yeah... Universal had a high high with MARIO, and a low low with RUBY GILLMAN. That picture might make little more than SPIRIT UNTAMED. Maybe MIGRATION will be a SING-esque leggy Christmas hit for Illumination, and I'm sure TROLLS BAND TOGETHER will do pretty good.

Only one Disney animated release came about this year so far, Pixar's ELEMENTAL, which opened terribly (worst opening for a Pixar film, an opening on par with what TOY STORY collected in 1995 dollars)... But it's legging it up something fierce, it's sure to get the coveted 4x multiplier. Combine that with the "A" CinemaScore grade, and it's pretty clear that audiences quite dig the picture, despite what some weirdos are insisting. That Pixar has "lost its touch" or whatever, even though people have been saying that since the early 2010s. Disney's not going to send it straight to Disney+ just yet, they're gonna try to keep this thing spinning in theaters from the looks of it, hoping those classic Pixar legs keep it afloat while everything else comes and goes. It weathered INDIANA JONES and RUBY GILLMAN just fine, I'm sure it'll still hang on when BARBIE lands. Traditionally, Pixar gives their summer animated movies a Labor Day weekend bump, so I expect ELEMENTAL to be around till at least the end of September.

Disney botched this one, marketing-wise. The trailers were basically "Here's the premise, here's some gags, please clap." No hint of its actually solid and nuanced immigrant story, surprisingly light on the romance, too. Apparently that's cooties for the boy audience that they "should" be marketing to. Meanwhile, they're hyping up WISH as this story that's "a century in the making" and they seem to be pushing it as this definitive origin story of all Disney animated classics... Like, is it really that hard to tell audiences "hey, look at how cool our painterly fantasy musical is"? I guess it's a step up from how they just showed us STRANGE WORLD with no enthusiasm, and called it a day.

Sony is perhaps the real star here. SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE is their first fully theatrically-released animated movie since... THE ANGRY BIRDS MOVIE 2, all the way back in fall 2019... MITCHELLS VS. THE MACHINES, VIVO, WISH DRAGON... All went straight to streaming. HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 4 had a limited run in select theaters, but was largely a streaming-only release... So yeah, SPIDER-VERSE Deux marks their return to theaters after a four-year hiatus, and as expected, the sequel to the sleeper hit superhero movie is doing fantastically. Landed among the biggest openers for an animated movie, and legs-wise it's doing quite fine, passing $350m here. Looks to be the 2nd highest-earning animated movie of the post-outbreak era domestically, toppling MINIONS 2. Worldwide it did quite well for itself, too, as it inches towards $700m and is Sony Animation's highest-earning movie. Wowee! It's their only release this year.

The Top 10 highest-earning animated movies of the post-outbreak era, domestically, are largely Universal and Disney releases. One Sony release - again, SPIDER-VERSE Dos - and one Warner Bros. release, DC LEAGUE OF SUPER-PETS. So for all of Disney's financial woes, they're still up in the top slots with Universal. ENCANTO, LIGHTYEAR, and ELEMENTAL all landed above $90m domestically, so they're kinda doing something right, the idea of the movies being free on Disney+ be damned. They're now trying to un-train the audience of what Chapek/Kareem Daniels' Disney - and just the market in general - conditioned them into thinking, which is easier said than done.

So while box office has been back for the most part, we're in an era where the market itself and the amount of money being spent on these movies (near $300m for INDIANA JONES 5... Just... Why?) is creating a system that is just sooooo not conducive to the individual movies. The game should be rewritten, but you know how capitalism and Hollywood go... The collapse of a ton of different movies this summer just won't make the money people see sense, apparently...

Nestled in-between these biggies was Crunchyroll's release of SUZUME, which pulled in $10m, not the best for this kind of anime feature release, but still solid enough. A new DEMON SLAYER feature that was composed of a few episodes of the new season did its job, and a few other anime feature releases. Then you had THE AMAZING MAURICE and RALLY ROAD RACERS, released by Viva Kids (what is this company again?), the former only pulling in about $4m-ish here and the latter... I don't even know. At my theater, there was one seat - in the front row - purchased for every screening throughout the week. Can you say... Money laundering? One of these movies was a British picture, an adaptation of Terry Pratchett that went straight to streaming there... And the other was a Vanguard movie, who somehow keep making movies despite most of them not making back their budgets. That's SHREK producer John H. Williams' venture, they did VALIANT, HAPPILY N'EVER AFTER, SPACE CHIMPS, a pair of movies that almost went to theaters in the U.S. (GNOME ALONE and CHARMED) but ended up quietly debuting on streaming long after completion, and... I've lost track, GET SQUIRRELY I believe was another one?

What remains?

The highly-anticipated MUTANT MAYHEM, which could very well be a SPIDER-VERSE-esque box office sleeper for the ever-lasting world of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, bows next month. I'd imagine, because the picture was animated at Mikros, that it didn't cost too much to make. Paramount Animation has been in need of a real box office hit for a looooong while, something that isn't a SpongeBob movie, and this one might just be it.

I expect PAW PATROL 2 - also from Paramount - to play like the first one, something for the kiddies and the preschool crowd, and it makes enough to cover whatever it cost to make it.

TROLLS WORLD TOUR should open fine enough and leg it fine enough, despite WISH opening right next to it. Well, five days later, but still... It should move up a few weeks, I think. Above $80m domestically seems about right to me, $200m+ worldwide. It probably cost less than $100m to make.

WISH likely cost over $150m to make, typical of a Disney Animation film. If the marketing really gets audiences to want to shell out plenty of bucks to see it, then I expect it to perform similarly to other Thanksgiving-release Disney animated movies of the 2010s. TANGLED and MOANA being my references, because FROZEN was its own beast. Solid opening over the holiday frame, fantastic legs, and next to no competition for the rest of the season. No STAR WARS or Marvel movie opening at Christmastime, no AVATAR sequel, the only real competition being... I dunno, that Timothee Chalamet WONKA movie that Warner has coming out? I think it'll do fine. I can see it opening with around $40m for the three-day, Thanksgiving boosts it, then it goes past $150-180m domestically. Maybe even higher, if this musical - which seems engineered in every way to hit the beats of what audiences associate with a "Disney movie" - really resonates with audiences. Heck, Disney could put in the next trailer "In Theaters Only. On Disney+ in fall 2024!" Tell 'em, yeah, you're gonna have to wait to see it for free!

May they all do well...

[musiconanironingboard]

11 April 2023: Three Steve Forbert albums:

King Biscuit Flower Hour Presents Steve Forbert in Concert (1995 King Biscuit Flower Hour Records/BMG issue of 1982 recording)

Be Here Again: Live Solo 1998 (Rolling Tide, 1998)

Just Like There's Nothin' to It (Koch, 2004)

[Quick continuity note: As long as this page has operated, I've never kept up with the pace of posting everything I buy. Now that it's a new year (2024), I will leap ahead and restart with 2024 purchases (leaving hundreds of 2023 acquisitions in the dust). For this and the next few posts, I'd already taken the pictures so I'm going ahead with the posts. But geez, I got eight months behind? At this rate, I'll quit posting 2024 purchases before they even begin.]

In 2023 it felt like all I did was buy Steve Forbert records. From a slight remove, I do wonder what I was thinking. The impetus was me enjoying his newest album, 2022's Moving through America, so much that I was overcome with waves of enthusiasm that did not wane even when I found out the man has forty physical releases. "Forty Forberts" became my battle cry and I plunged onward trying to acquire all forty. As of this writing, I lack only four. This has been facilitated by seeing Forbert live in March 2023 and ransacking his merch table, as well as Forbert making numerous "warehouse finds" of very hard-to-find fan-club releases, including locating 25 new, sealed copies of his 2016 triple-CD set Down in Flames, a shocker of a find as even battered used copies command big prices on the secondary market.

The current post of three Forbert albums came courtesy of yet another eBay lot that contained items I was chasing. Here we have an odd batch: a King Biscuit radio transcription disc (who knows if Forbert authorized this or not), a fan-club effort (Be Here Now Again) and a regular Forbert studio album (Just Like...)

Above we see the front covers of these three albums.

Below are the back covers.

Next I show the backs of each booklet, which is what you'd see if you opened each jewel case.

Last, here are the discs themselves.

The Steve Forbert in Concert release came sealed; here is its hype sticker.

Here is the tray liner of Steve Forbert in Concert showing the King Biscuit Flower Hour logo. The other discs had standard black trays and no liner design. I've heard about the King Biscuit Flower Hour my entire life and have never known how to listen to it or where it is broadcast. There seem to be hundreds of King Biscuit releases floating out there in the world.

Countless further Forbert purchases occurred between this three-disc April 2023 acqusition and now, lost to the sands of time as this page is concerned. I begin my Forbert listening study this month and am still laughing about my brother, who did his own Forbert study a couple years ago, though at a lesser scale, telling me "you are going to get so sick of his hoarse voice!" Time will tell.

[cyarskaren52]

these video games had gamers rage quitting

The Worst Videogames of 2023

On this page we rank the lowest-scoring games released for any platform between January 1, 2023 and December 31, 2023. Games are ranked by Metascore (as of December 18, 2023) prior to rounding, and any titles with fewer than 7 reviews from professional critics are excluded. (In other words, these bad games are all major enough to get reviews from multiple publications.) 

If a single title would have landed on the list multiple times due to low scores on more than one platform, we only included the lowest-scoring version.

#10: Gargoyles Remastered

1 / 10

49

Photo by Disney Electronic Content

Disney's 1995 Sega Genesis platformer Gargoyles (based on the cartoon series of the same name) got the remaster treatment in 2023, but unless you are a die-hard fan of the IP, the new version has little to recommend it. Critics have complained about the remake's frustrating difficulty level and too-short length and wonder why the game needed to be brought back at all.

"Even those who enjoyed the show, but never played the original game, may have trouble immersing themselves in Gargoyles Remastered. Many of the changes made in Gargoyles Remastered are simply that - changes - and not necessarily improvements, leading to an overall disappointment for the potential this could have had." —Screen Rant

#9: Loop8: Summer of Gods

2 / 10

49

Photo by XSEED Games

A JRPG set in an alternate reality version of rural 1980s Japan, Loop8 finds your time-looping teenage protagonist battling a race of demons called the Kegai. (The "8" in the title stands for August, the month that you "get" to re-live again and again, theoretically fixing your mistakes each time.) Critics saved the majority of their complaints for the turn-based battle system, though the story and the game's overall repetitiveness also drew their ire. 

"The end result is a shallow, disjointed, and undeveloped experience. Rather than reflecting the nuances of our everyday lives, Loop8 most closely resembles the lives of aquarium fish." —GamingTrend

#8: Gangs of Sherwood

3 / 10

48

Photo by Nacon

A co-op action game set in Robin Hood's Sherwood Forest in which you play as one of the Merry Men? Not a bad idea for a videogame. But one that is set in a dystopian steampunk sci-fi version of Sherwood Forest filled with far-too-easy boss fights and poor overall execution? That, unfortunately, is what Gangs of Sherwood turns out to be. 

"By selling Gangs of Sherwood, Nacon is robbing from the gullible and giving to the inept. I'd have worked on a better closing analogy, but this game isn't bloody worth it." —The Jimquisition

#7: Hellboy: Web of Wyrd

4 / 10

47

Photo by Good Shepherd Entertainment

The world still doesn't have a good Hellboygame. Though it's slightly better than 2008's The Science of Evil, beat-em-up roguelike Web of Wyrd fails in its gameplay despite laudable visuals, the casting of the late Lance Reddick as Hellboy, and a clear respect for its source material (Mike Mignola's Hellboy comics). Note that the PC version scored 14 points higher than the console release (which still doesn't make it a good game—just a mediocre one.)

"Between its sticky brawling mechanics, repetitive level design, and extremely low difficulty, Hellboy Web of Wyrd simply feels like an unfinished game that was early on its journey to greatness. There's a heft to its combat, yet the controls aren't nearly snappy enough, and it's too easy to be engaging." —PlayStation LifeStyle

#6: Crime Boss: Rockay City

5 / 10

43

Photo by 505 Games

One of 2023's most-publicized flops, new IP Rockay City wastes a well-known cast that includes Danny Trejo, Michael Madsen, Chuck Norris, Kim Basinger, Danny Glover, and Michael Rooker,  among others* on what amounts to an inferior take on the Payday formula. (*In this case, "others" includes Vanilla Ice.) The first-person heist-shooter has you assemble four of their characters into a criminal gang that must complete a series of missions in a fictitious city that's basically 1980s or '90s Miami (though some aspects of the game feel like they are set in the present day). But you'll find much better writing in any of the late-20th century action movies Rockay City is so clearly modeled after.

"For all its faults (and it certainly has many), nothing here is egregiously terrible – which means, ultimately, that Crime Boss' biggest sin isn't that it's a bad game, but rather a very boring one." —Gaming Age

#5: Testament: The Order of High-Human

6 / 10

41

Photo by Fairyship Games

Attempting to blend action-adventure gameplay with Metroidvania and RPG elements, the second release from indie studio Fairyship Games finds you in a fantastical realm plagued by an epidemic of madness. Filled with everything from parkour to swordfighting to puzzle-solving, Testament ultimately fails to make any of its disparate components work well, according to reviewers.

"Simply put, Testament: The Order of High Human is a bad game that isn't fun to play and doesn't really offer anything meaningful to its players, who are better left if they simply avoid it." —IGN Italia

#4: Quantum Error

7 / 10

40

Photo by TeamKill Media LLC

A sci-fi/horror/shooter hybrid set in outer space, Quantum Error puts you in the shoes of firefighter Jacob Thomas as he attempts to rescue survivors from a combination of zombies and terrorists (and, well, fires). The firefighting aspect actually injects a bit of welcome originality into what otherwise amounts to a bland and poorly executed release. 

"Quantum Error is a flawed, frustrating and unfun slog that collapses under the weight of its lofty ambitions to blend multiple genres and mechanics on a limited budget and developing skillset." —WellPlayed

#3: Greyhill Incident

8 / 10

38

Photo by Refugium Games

An alien invasion-themed stealth/survival horror game from new studio Refugium Games, Greyhill Incident was a failure on almost every level, with critics noting poor acting, bland settings, and rote gameplay.

"Ultimately, Greyhill Incident is a big disappointment. This had real potential to be a short, but cool horror game that leverages tension and aliens in a way we haven't really seen in gaming. What we got instead is a flavorless game that feels like a concept for something much better." —Comicbook.com

#2: Flashback 2

9 / 10

35

Photo by Microids

The 1992 Amiga game Flashback (later released for other platforms) was a much-loved, Prince of Persia-like sci-fi platformer that was followed by a 1995 sequel under a different title, Fade to Black. This fall brought another sequel (more accurately, a prequel) to the now 31-year-old original, this time bearing the Flashback name—but absolutely none of its charm. Incredibly buggy upon its release, Flashback 2 also suffers from underlying  problems that can't easily be fixed, including an overall dated and too-simplistic approach that results in tedious, unchallenging gameplay.

"The most pointless sequel since Duke Nukem Forever. Every single good idea is crushed by five bad ones." —GameStar

#1: The Lord of the Rings: Gollum

10 / 10

34

Photo by Daedalic Entertainment/Nacon

Metacritic's Official Worst Game of 2023

Also the worst Lord of the Rings game adaptation in history, stealth platformer Gollum attempts to deliver an original story for its title character that is set between the events of The Hobbit and The Fellowship of the Ring. Critics note that extensive knowledge of Tolkien's books is a prerequisite for enjoying the game, but that's just the least of Gollum's problems. "Dull" and "tedious" are words that reviewers have used again and again to describe gameplay, while the controls leave something to be desired. But the biggest flaw is the game's visuals—or maybe it's the many game-breaking bugs. At any rate, it's a complete package: completely terrible. 

"What could have been Daedalic's chance to break into mainstream has ultimately backfired. A waste of a license, riddled with performance issues and just downright ugly gameplay, Gollum should be cast into any nearest fire, let alone a wasted trip to Mount Doom." —Finger Guns

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[currymanganese]

This is fantastic @espumado - thank you so much! If my suspicions that this show has drawn inspiration from Strange Days (1995) and The Mirror (1975) are correct,

then The Night of the Hunter is now the third film (this series has prominently referenced) that was originally panned critically upon release, before being re-evaluated by later critics and audiences as incredible masterpieces....

Which gives me even more hope that The Bear Season 3 will receive a similar positive re-evaluation, and that the mixed reviews and emotions it incited are all a part of the magic trick Storer and co. have been playing right from the start! 🪄

I always found that the score / lyrics of that motif, "Dream Little One, Dream" and the shot of Natalie in the church was reminiscent of a horror movie and was more than a little ominous - so thank you for confirming it was in fact from a horror movie! On a superficial level being an expectant mother is very much like being in an existential horror film; another organism feeding off of you, all the dangers and viscera that pregnancy and birth entail for mother and baby etc. and these concerns are only exacerbated when one's birth family is dysfunctional, I'd imagine. But I think your assessment that Nat and Carmy are like the two children that survived the horrors of the movie - because of their trauma from being adult children of an alcoholic parent - is incredibly apt. Natalie must have felt so much dread (like Carmy - "you know that thing your brain does when it bypasses all joy and attaches itself to dread") before the delivery; so I'm happy that she seems to be settling into motherhood and enjoying being with her daughter by the season finale!

On another note - the use of music that recalls a horror movie reminds me of some of the scores that I, @thoughtfulchaos773 @brokenwinebox @ambeauty and others have pointed out that have been associated with Claire. I find it interesting that the primary antagonist in The Night of The Hunter was a man that posed as a priest to marry unsuspecting women, but was really a serial killer in disguise; he was a proverbial "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing". It is unlikely, and I don't know if this plot point will be overtly referenced in relationship to Nat and Pete's marriage, but it is interesting that many of us have long suspected that Claire is not as great as she has been made out to be by general audiences and the shows narrative via Mikey/Fak/Richie/Tiff's exposition,

which has me wondering to what extent (if at all) they'll expand on that underlying eeriness with Claire in season 4, considering the fact that they revealed that she almost killed a girl in Season 3!

tagging @devisrina @whenmemorydies @thoughtfulchaos773 @moodyeucalyptus @vacationship @turbulenthandholding @anxietycroissant @turbulenthandholding @prowitchazel @augustmonsooning @outmakingmoonshine @myloveismineallmine @caiusmarciuscoriolanus @post-woke @tvfantic87 @lunasink @bbythurs @pureseasalt @yannaryartside in case you guys want to check out op's amazing post!

Guys, you don't know what just happened to me!! I love soundtracks so I stopped to listen to The Bear's, i found the official FX playlist on Spotify and was listening to it when suddenly a podcast starts and I was like???? So i looked and it was about a horror film??? I, tring to understanding, went to the FX site to see the playlist and the episodes and saw that it was the song from the beginning of the ep5- Children (the lullaby) with our beloved Natalie💖...So what happened was that the music is from a horror film and instead of putting the soundtrack they put on this podcast!!! And I don't know if it was on purpose or just a mistake!!! (And all this reminded me of the people here who started a tag, I don't know who, about The Bear being a haunted/ghost story💀)

It's this scene, with this song:

And the Playlist has this podcast:

But i was like Nat why you have a horror movie song playing in your head??? And cause I'm curious, I went to find out more about the film, cause I didn't know the movie (horror isn't really my thing) and I discovered that: 

The Night of the Hunter is a 1955 American film noir thriller directed by Charles Laughton. Despite receiving negative reviews upon its original release, it has been positively re-evaluated in later decades and is now considered one of the greatest films ever made. “The movie is best known for Robert Mitchum's extraordinary performance as serial-killer-posing-as-priest Harry Powell, a menacing religious misogynist who marries widows for their money and kills them off in the name of the Lord. Having been jailed for stealing a car, he shares a cell with father-of-two Ben Harper, soon to be hanged for murder and the theft of $10,000. Before his arrest Harper hides the money in a rag doll belonging to his little daughter Pearl, making her and his 10-year-old son John swear never to tell where the money is hidden. The plot hinges on Powell's pursuit of the money and John's determination to protect his sister and escape from a psychopath whom others assume is virtuous. Hiding his past, Powell woos, then marries Harper's widow Willa (Shelley Winters). When she discovers his motives he murders her, and the children escape on a boat down the river. A tense chase ensues. The film exists in that cinematic no-man's-land of fairy tales for adults, is a children's fairytale – strange and idiosyncratic – but also a noir thriller, laced with the darkest elements of both genres: death, guilt, greed, poverty, cruelty, biblical references and a terrifying pursuit by the scariest of bogeymen. Laughton described it as "a nightmarish sort of Mother Goose tale". John, played superbly by the steely eyed Billy Chapin, is pivotal as the boy who is alone in perceiving Powell's true motives. In a tale of innocence and experience, he must quickly grow up in the most sinister of circumstances; he must resist adult hypocrisy and stupidity, and a new "father" who pretends to be loving, but is secretly abusive. Gripping in its narrative, the film is also frequently and darkly humorous.”

“Thinking of The Night of the Hunter in terms of its visual impact on other filmmakers, there’s a striking echo to be observed between its unseen presence in films by Scorsese, Spielberg, the Coens, even Ari Aster, and the influence of silent cinema on Laughton’s own filmmaking choices.”

“We can notice the importance of one particular scene: the escape of the children in a boat (they are running away from the killer). This scene, being so important, is also one of the most memorable of the entire film. The components that make it so memorable are: setting, lighting, framing, blocking and music. In the river sequence, the usual realistic environment of the film disappears, giving place to such an artificial setting that it seems that we are watching a whole new film.[...] Again, we feel that the children are safe again in the boat, as they run away from their hunter.

“The river symbolise safety – it is what separates (even temporarily) John and Pearl from Powell. In a way, it is a metaphor for the transformation of a past full of terror into a brighter future¹ with Rachel.”

About the music: “Composer Walter Schumann called the heavy four brass chords that often accompany Preacher a “‘pagan motif, consisting of clashing fifths in the lower register,’” which cede to the lullaby “Dream, Little One, Dream” with a shot of Gish. This celestial lullaby foreshadows her adoption of the children after they escape downriver. In the opening and river sequences especially, audio-visions juxtapose fantasy and reality, and good and evil, to propel the children to safety.[...] In these sequences, Laughton’s visual constructions and Schumann’s score establish abstract contours that take root in spectatorial memory. When the overture transitions from Preacher’s pagan motif to a tranquil lullaby, celestial sounds and Gish’s presence seem to safeguard the children from Preacher’s tyranny.[...] Schumann’s pagan motif, Miz Cooper’s lullaby, and the sounds of the children’s river journey mix realistic tropes and emotional flourishes in the manner of 1950s melodrama films, which especially employed music to articulate these opposing poles. For Peter Brooks, music punctuates the wordless gestures of the melodramatic “text of muteness”: its sweeping rhythmic motions render space and time tangible to imbue characters—especially muted victims—with emotional depth².[...] Analyzed through a motivic model that binds characters to themes, Hunter’s river lullabies foreshadow the children’s eventual safety with Miz Cooper even though maternal figures are not visible.”

So there is this important and well-known scene in the film when the song plays. When the kids are finaly safe in a boat on the river (the part of the song they use in the series starts at around 3:55):

So basically: there's a father who hid some money in the kid's toy (which reminded me of the money in the cans of tomatoes- KBL); an orphaned brother and sister; children looking for shelter; during the escape they are they feel safe in a boat on a river (when the lullaby plays) and in the end they are adopted and everything is fine.

I wanted to understand what this means for Nat, what it has to do with her. When the scene starts the song says "fear is just a dream…" then she thinks about her fears: her brother, mother and a mom's funeral (Marcus), then the song continues "so dream, little one, dream", like, it's not real, no need to fear it!

So…this is ep5 called Children, where: 1-Syd and Marcus take his mother's stuff out of the house and talk about their family 2-we find out that Ever is going to close (a funeral will happen) 3-Marcus and Nat talk about his mother and to start a new project to honor her while Nat is resting from pregnancy discomfort 4- it's the ep The Computer appears and Nat defends Marcus 5- there are the Faks, including John Cena, talking about their family and the hauntings 6- Syd and Uncle Jimmy talk and he says he wishes he had done more for the kids (she reminds him that he is there for them) and finally 7- Carmy goes to the basement and finds a box with photos of the family (Donna and Mike and himself too and a baby that could be Nat?!!!) then some riffs of the song Mixed Emotions by Rolling Stones start and it cuts to the credits with the lyrics right in the part: You're not the only one, You're not the only ship, Adrift on this ocean. And that's it! Just these lyrics and then just instrumentals. They cut the song to fit the scene and without any other part of the lyrics!!!

Carmy my man, Nat needs you! And she was the one who reminded him in the first season: "did you know i recently had a brother die too?" She's trying. She wants help, she already told him, "the thing that pisses me of is that you never ask her how i am doing!!!" but he can't ask her that "because he feels trapped, because he can't describe how he feels, so asking someone else how they're feeling seems crazy to him" (like, he literally told her that in S1). They need to talk, they need each other, they need family (a new one probably...the restaurant...uncle Jimmy too?? She talked with him about be a parent last season and he is always there for them, saving them). Nat managed to talk to her mother, even asked for help (it’s not a solution for everything, but it was a start)...but Carmy...there's still a long way to go, a next season thing. But I think it may be a thing they need to do together somehow, i dont know...

Nat is afraid of her past, motherhood and knows family is complicated, she is looking for a brighter future¹. She and Carmy (and Mike) are children of a abusive/alcoholic parent and live with the consequences of that (some people here have already talked better about the subject). So they are like the kids from the movie, who are muted victims—with emotional depth², in a complicated family, going throught the river until they reach a safer place with better people.

And also, last seasons they showed the "pyromaniac tendencies" of the Berzatto brothers, there were these references to setting the restaurant on fire as if that was the solution to their problems...and now in season 3 I thought that had been forgotten...instead, the ep1 already starts with (first a train, and then) a lake, which appears other times throughout the season... Copenhagen Carmy living in a boat on a river!!!, and all happy and safe, drawing on a bridge over a river!!!

We also had a scene with water being thrown on the kitchen countertop and "flooding" the space (with a song by Trent Reznor and Atticus for a war doc! that the director describes as profound, haunting, unsettling and deeply moving!!!) in a moment that the crew is cleaning the kitchen and everyone is tired and overwhelmed; there is Donna talking about the fish tank that breaks in a dream that takes place in a place she doesn't know that looks gray except for the tank (surreal, like a noir thriller maybe). These don't seem so safe, but they seem to be about the past, something to be overcome... And there's even a scene of Syd reflecting in front of a lake... Several water references...and I have no idea if that really means anything...or if i am going to deeper into this?😅

...but Nat, dear, are you okay?!...you feel like in a horror movie with your remaining brother seeking safety together somewhere or with someone, running away from a curse, a haunting in your family??? (in S1 Carmy talks about how she blames the restaurant, not her mother or Mike, she says the place sucks up all the work, money and time and all they get back is chaos and resentment) But seriously, someone help her!!!...and Carmy...She must have felt very lonely this season with Carmy like that...But I guess this all means that everything will be fine in the end, like in the movie!

Seriously, I couldn't come to a better conclusion about this but it left me curious and confused... And of course, it might mean nothing and just be an interesting song from an amazing movie that director Chris Storer likes because he likes great movies and that's all 🙃 But with all the movie references, great directors and hauntings...maybe I'm not so crazy😅 <<<I tell myself to feel better🫠

[archoneddzs15]

Sega Saturn - Dragon Ball Z Shinbutouden

Title: Dragon Ball Z Shinbutouden / ドラゴンボールＺ 真武闘伝

Developer/Publisher: TOSE Software / Bandai

Release date: 17 November 1995

Catalogue No.: T-13302G

Genre: Fighting Action

There are two Dragon Ball Z games for the Saturn. One is a port of a very shitty 3D PlayStation game and the other is a 2D fighter much in the same style as the arcade or Super Famicom games. This one you can see here is the latter of the two (^v^). Dragon Ball Z Shinbutouden doesn't really use any of the Saturn's power to the extreme unlike other Saturn 2D fighters, but nevertheless it does look quite nice.

Character animation is smooth, and backdrops have more depth to them than what the SFC versions had. Fans of the SFC games will recognize many of the tunes used in this Saturn game since they are enhanced versions of the SFC originals, which is no bad thing since the originals were pretty catchy. So how does this game play? Well for those who've never played the SFC games it may be a bit tricky to understand. The game is a 2D fighter just like any other, but you are not bound by the borders of the screen size.

Now while Neo Geo games normally zoom the screen out to give you that little extra playing area, Dragon Ball Z actually splits the screen. So, you end up with a screen about 4 screens in length, only split down the middle. One character can go off in one direction while the other goes in another. You may be wondering what the point to this is. Well, some of the moves in Dragon Ball Z require you to be quite some distance from your foe before they can be executed. Moves such as the long-range fireball (No idea what it's called - casual DBZ fan here, so I don't know most if not all the proper terms). Also, the split screen offers more high-tension action since you constantly have to avoid or follow your enemy depending on the case.

Not only do you have the split screen, but the characters can fly, making the game even more action-packed. Then you can also throw the enemy into the background, making yet another plane (surface) to play on. All in all, Dragon Ball Z Shinbutouden on the Saturn is very nice indeed but be warned that it's not a game for everyone. This game takes a long time to master the controls and the way it plays. Once you have mastered that, though, you'll really enjoy this fighter. Also, there are many modes of play such as Story mode, Vs mode, and Mr. Saturn mode which is a sort of tournament mode.

[campyvillain]

soooo today i learned that back in the early 90s, coca cola tried making this thing called “ok soda” as a marketing stunt to beat out pepsi since they had way more of a hold on the “younger/rebellious” generation at the time, and their way of doing that was naming it “ok soda” so that they could copyright the word “ok”, the most popular word in the world, and at the same time brand it as an…ironic soda??? like the whole thing with it was that they tried to brand ok soda as a counterculture soda but instead of making it about typical 90s RADICAL EXTREME!!! fodder the theme of it was uh. unsettling capitalist brutalist dystopia. instead of being bright and colorful the color scheme was only stark whites, grays and reds and the cans looked like this. bold shapes and labels stating ominous, robotic things with a figure always staring dead into you on the front, no coca cola branding on it at all.

sometimes there would be “prize cans” of this stuff where instead of having soda inside it there would be hats. and they didn’t sell this option in boxes by the way they just put prize cans in random vending machines. and put like 25 cents in it so hey. you could get an actual soda that isn’t just hats. maybe.

did i mention that this soda also had a fucking MANIFESTO??? because yeah it sure had that printed on some cans and it goes as follows

and there’s these things called “coincidences”, which… yeah it doesn’t make it sound any less ominous

and you might be wondering how the soda itself tastes like does it taste good? ok? well apparently it was just a regular “citric” tasting soda but somehow they fucked it up so bad that it was compared to “carbonated tree sap”, and instead of trying to make the drink taste better they included that it tasted like shit, INTO THE ADVERTISING SCHEME ITSELF. they would literally advertise that it tasted like ass as a part of the ironic marketing, no i am not kidding.

but if you thought that’s where it ended there’s one more curveball and without any exaggeration, you will not expect what i am about to tell you.

take a look at this guy.

this guy is the “face” of ok soda, as in he was printed on the most cans and technically served as a mascot of sorts for the entire thing. his face was a major part of the branding, and this design for the cans was one of if not the most common.

okay. cool. no issue there right?

take a guess on who this guy is based off of.

the artist’s coworker? a generic guy? the artist himself? a relative? some random reference model they hired?

CHARLES MANSON. YES, THIS IS REAL. MEANING FOR A BRIEF MOMENT IN TIME, CHARLES MANSON’S FACE WAS USED AS A MEANS TO SELL COCA COLA.

the lead artist himself has even come forward to say this is the case. and now you may be asking wait. how’d he do this? how’d he possibly get away with this, years after the crimes had been committed?

well according to him, it was simple. apparently none of the contracts he signed said anything against putting a mass murderer on the can. so. there’s THAT.

unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, ok soda never really caught on since *surprise surprise!* teens really don’t want to buy soda that looks like a brutalist art museum, and it never had a wide release so it was only a thing for like two years between 1993 and 1995. but from what i’ve heard there’s still people who are giving this soda a small modern following, collecting all the cans and merchandise and even coming up with stand in recipes for the soda formula itself.

so yeah! that was ok soda.

what the fuck