#this was languishing in my drafts so now i just hit post

[hillerskalibrary]

Event poll results!

(summary version)

So last week I opened a poll to check what kind of YR fandom events you guys wanted to see and the respondents were... how shall I put it... "very excited" is most applicable I think? ;)

Because I'm a nerd who likes to analyze the results but also doesn't want to chase her entire following away, I'm going to make two result posts:

This post, where I will summarize the results as succint as I can, and address some of the remarks and suggestions that I received. I'll also make a conclusion on what I would suggest to do - feedback on that is certainly welcome!

A second post (which I'll link when I finish it, most likely tomorrow or even after cause I'm slow as fuck) with some more graphs, percentages, observations, cause I don't know shit about statistics but that won't stop me from having fun with it!

Fair warning - it's pretty long. I just find it easier to explain a little about the decisions I'm (not) taking, both to invite discussion and because I don't want this to be a black box blog that does whatever and you never know why. That being said...

Ready? Let's go!

RESULTS

I received 72 responses, 36 writers and 36 readers.

The top 3 most wanted events by READERS is: Big Bang (89%), Theme Week (86%), and Weekly Challenges (83%). The event they were least excited about is Author Interviews (56%).

The top 3 events writers most want to PARTICIPATE in is, in order: Author Interviews (69%), Theme Week (64%), and Fic Exchange (61%). The events they DO NOT want to participate in are Author Interviews (25%), very closely followed by Big Bang and Advent (both 22%).

READERS were (very) slightly more excited about a Wilmon theme week rather than a general YR week. WRITERS clearly preferred a general YR week. For both groups, a YR women week comes in third, and rarepair week is fourth.

All types of weekly writing challenges suggested scored similarly.

(I know some of these seem contradictory, which I why I'll make the second post explaining how I calculated these rankings and why -for example- Author Interviews are both the most AND the least popular event for writers ;) )

SUGGESTIONS

A lot of people wrote in suggestions, which I was SUPER happy about (I closed the form now but if you have any more, please just hit my inbox or DM me at @hilliska). A few people also offered to help, which I'm definitely gonna hold you to when decisions are starting to get made! ;)

Many people were excited about possible collabs between writers and artists.

"What about a "finish your draft/wip" or "write a new chapter on a wip". I have so many languishing WIPs…" I think this is an EXCELLENT idea tbh - though we could incorporate it in the big bang by allowing wips as well. Also, as an FYI, there is also a (non-fandom-specific) Finish Your Shit-Big Bang that takes place every year (though this year's round is close to posting already) ;).

"I’d also love to see more Podfic in this fandom, but I don’t know how that could be an event." I have zero experience with podfic but this does sound (ha!) like it could be fun. Maybe someone has experience with this from a different fandom? (honestly I'd love to experiment with this so hmu)

"Authors sign up to take one shot requests or readers get to write a prompt. Or if readers could submit or vote on prompts or something? Or readers submit a song and author writes a one shot based on a song. Something like that where readers can be involved too :)" We could also easily incoporate this in a big bang - do a prompt bang or a reverse bang (fic based on art) for example? Or maybe involve readers in the weekly challenges, by suggesting tropes/words/... ?

"Write a comment on a fic-week!" Yessss!!!! I am like... 95% sure there is a tumblr-wide event for this already but I can't for the life of me find it. So I could signal boost that or yeah, we could just pin a day ourselves :).

"Group chat/watch" I'm afraid I'm not the right person to organize this kind of thing, but if you've been thinking of doing this and you were afraid no one would be interested - this is your sign!! ;)

"live writing event" Same as above - though I do think there's some discords where this happens already?

"Some sort of collab, where authors get to write a fic together." This could definitely be fun! There is currently one that originated on Twitter called Unlabeled - I don't know all the writers but I recognize at least @yourdemiurge, @skydragon05, @1-life-to-give, and @in-amor-veritas. Which obviously doesn't help if you're a writer wanting to collab, but at least there's people with experience in this fandom ;).

"Maybe a poetry week?" I don't even write poetry but I'm obsessed with this suggestion. Could also be a writing challenge? Not sure about a whole week either, but there's World Poetry Day in March so maybe that can be a mini-event?

"Something not fic centered? Like fanart, edits, cosplay etc." This is one of those things that I'm throwing out there for other people to run with, maybe, because. Well, I'm a writer and I know fic, but I really don't know much about the rest... Which is not to say I don't want to (help) run anything like this because it definitely could be fun, but it's a little out of my wheelhouse. But maybe @youngroyalsfanartarchive can help or knows people who would?

And now what??

Consider the below not as a definitive list but as a stream-of-consciousness conversation starters, so don't hesitate to send me your thoughts.

I will definitely do a Big Bang. Prompt-based or art-based or wip-based or something else remains to be decided, but this will happen. It will not happen NOW, however, because we don't know when season 3 will air. Big Bangs are big events, they ask a lot from writers, and if the s3 premiers at any time between signups and publications, it's going to make everything more difficult. But there was sufficient interest by writers to participate, so once we got a s3 date I want to put a timeline on this.

I'm talking with people about a possible YR women's week. The general/Wilmon week scored higher in the polls, but since we already had that in spring I'd like to switch it up a little.

I would like to do *something* for the anniversary of s2. Don't want to go regular theme week for this because of the above possibility, but maybe the not-fic-centered event could be good for this - we could do favorite episode/favorite non-wilmon character/... which are things that non-content-creators can also participate in by writing a short paragraph, reblogging gifsets/art of that episode/character, ... "Finish your wip" would also be a good one for this though :)

The people behind the 2023 Secret Santa will not organize one this year, but I don't really want to jump in that, necessarily, because there's enough other possibilities and they might be back. But a Valentine fic exchange could maybe work?

The advent calendar idea drew mixed reactions (maybe because it's less well known?) and while I do think it could be fun, there's enough other things that people are excited about, so I'm putting it in the freezer for now.

The weekly challenges also drew mixed reactions - both readers and writers were excited to see them happen, but only a third of writers said they would definitely/probably participate. Then again, half of them said they would POSSIBLY participate. Maybe because it's an ongoing thing, so they don't want to promise they'd participate EACH WEEK but only sometimes? So I'm not sure about this (also because it would significantly up the time required to maintain the blog). So I'd love more feedback on this to see which shape or form you guys would like this to take.

Fic recs scored solidly in the middle of the possibilities for both reader and writers. I wanted to include it because I was curious, but I'm a little hesitant to really do something with it, mostly because it often ends up being a popularity contest and. Well. We already know how to sort by kudos/comments on AO3. So I'm curious to hear other people's experiences on how to maybe circumvent that.

The Author Interviews were the most contested event - even (or rather *especially* among writers (and I secretly think it's hilarious the most wanted event by writers is the one that doesn't require them to write at all :D). I do think it could be fun (though I admit this is a format mostly geared towards writers) to help other writers to find other people to collaborate with, find betas, learn about different writing processes, ... And a self-rec feature would allow for fic recs without the popularity factor. So I'll most likely run this as a (bi-)weekly feature alongside the other events.

[astronaut-karenwilson]

fuck it friday *shrug emoji*

@elvensorceress has been tagging me in fic writing posts for ages (thank you, love you, mwah! 😘💖) and i always think i have nothing to post, but then a post earlier this week reminded me that i have a half finished hadestown au s4 fix it fic for the magicians just languishing here on my hard drive. it's still barely friday, so why not.

i went out for drinks tonight, came home and read my draft, and didn't hate it, which is always great. i'd need to rewatch the show though to finish it, and i don't think i'm ready to handle those brain worms, even after all this time. but have a snippet anyway! the gang's gonna take desperate measures to get q back from the underworld:

“You again,” the dragon hisses at Julia, casting the rest of them only a cursory glance. “What do you want?”  “We seek passage to the Underworld,” Julia replies, and Eliot hears her voice shift from a hapless fantasy nerd to the goddess she never got the chance to be. “And a guaranteed return.”  “What, all of you?” The dragon snorts, shooting out a curl of flame that burns itself out just before it hits Julia in the face. To her credit, she doesn’t flinch. “Haven’t I sent you there before?”  “Yes,” Julia replies. “To get my shade.” “And you succeeded! Why are you bothering me again, little mammal?”  “We need to find someone,” Julia says, and this time her voice cracks, and now she is just unbearably human. Hurt and grieving and desperate. “We need to bring him back.”  “We can pay,” Kady adds, stepping up beside Julia and presenting her bag full of black market goods.  “You come offering me trinkets?” The dragons asks, sounding insulted. “I don’t need anything from your hedge market, girl. Find something better, or get out of my home.” “I got this,” says Margo and Eliot looks down at her in surprise, but she’s already shouldering her way forward, planting herself in front of Julia and Kady. Eliot watches, grossed out and horrified in equal measure, as Margo yanks her fairy eye out of her head and holds it up before the dragon. “What’s a fairy eye worth to ya?” 

tagging @serenity-the-firefly and @hetrez because you two are the only ones i remember from the fandom lol but absolutely feel free to ignore this

[a-pale-azure-moon]

WIP Wednesday

It's done.

There will be revisions and tweaks to make between now and when I post it in a few days, but I have finished the final chapter of Someday We'll Shine Together. At long last, it is complete.

I'm struggling to distill all of my emotions into words at the moment. This fic has been a part of my life for about three years now. I'm feeling accomplished and proud of myself for really and truly finishing it despite the fact that when I first had the idea, I was convinced this was another of those fleeting inspirational flashes that would never go anywhere and would forever languish in my WIP folder. I got very attached to this story in the process of creating it, and I got even more attached to it when it was one of the things that helped see me through a very difficult time in my personal life. As such, I'm also grieving that it's over and that I now must let it go. Sure, it'll always exist for me to revisit whenever I want, but that feeling is never the same as the one derived from actively working on it.

While I'm still digesting all of these emotions, here's a rough timeline and some background of the fic's development, so you can all see how I finally got to this point. This is pretty personal too, because the two are irrevocably intertwined. (Content warning: death/grief)

Summer 2020: Initial inspiration hits after I rewatched Utena during COVID lockdown.

Fall 2020: Brainworms are on-and-off active, writing short blurbs in a Google doc when they come to me, but there's no true shape to the whole plot yet, it’s just random scenes. It's more or less still strictly a 3H-esque retelling of Utena, and I'm not expecting anything to actually come of these blurbs.

Winter 2020: More blurbs trickle in here and there. The story in my head is starting to divert more drastically from the show.

February 19, 2021: Draft of the pivotal scene at the end of Chapter 15 written. I remember the specific day for this because I wrote it the same day we put down our dog, Clancy. (Writing emotional scenes often helps me process my own emotions.)

April 11, 2021: Creation of my dedicated author's notes file to keep track of the various threads and ideas I'd come up with, especially the backstory about Faerghus and how Dimitri became the Lion Prince. I filled it in like an extended summary or wikipedia entry about the 'verse and the overall plot of the story. I jotted a lot of stuff down between April and June as the brainworms really got to work again.

Summer 2021: I'm starting to entertain the idea of actually seeing this project through. Chapters 1 and 2 are drafted over the summer months, but I hit a block and the self doubt comes roaring right in to deter me.  A LARGE part of my struggle with getting this fic out of development hell was me being unable to get out of my own way.  Every stumbling block I hit (especially early on) was an invitation for my inner critic to resume browbeating me into giving up this “stupid” idea.

September 2021: I finally make up my mind that I'm really going to do this, and I spend the next six weeks ironing out the bumps in the plot and making a chapter-by-chapter outline highlighting the key scenes/plot points/character beats within each one. I organized the various blurbs I had into chronological order and put them under the correct chapter headings. I also started thinking of the best way to get myself to see this project through, as well as what would be a realistic timetable for its completion. I estimated that the final length of the whole thing would be around 350 pages or roughly 150K words. (This is hilarious to me in hindsight.  I severely underestimated the scope of this fic!)

November 2021: I try to do the NaNoWriMo challenge (50K words in a month) to draft as much of the fic as I can. I "only" produce about 35K words in the end, but it was enough to draft Chapters 3 and 4 and write at least one decent-sized blurb within each of all of the remaining chapters.

December 2021: I took a short hiatus from working on SWST to finish Beneath the Ethereal Moon. When that's done, I went over my outline yet again to refine it further and then cleaned up my draft of Chapter 1 with an eye on posting it after right after New Year's. I determined that posting (and writing) one chapter per month should be doable, especially since I have a generous buffer to start with.

January 2022: I get a bad case of cold feet/anxiety and don't post Chapter 1. I'm having trouble getting a feel for Chapter 5 and fail to finish it before the end of the month. (This naturally doesn't help alleviate my self-doubt or silence my very loud inner critic.)

February 2022: Cold feet strike again and I fail to post Chapter 1 a second time. I'm still stuck on Chapter 5 (though I've at least made some progress), and while I'm extremely aware that I'm being my own worst enemy, that doesn't make it any easier to beat back old habits.

March 2, 2022: In the wee hours of the night (it was after midnight), I finally posted Chapter 1 and went straight to bed after. I slept terribly of course, haha.

I wish I could say "and you know the rest from here," but that's not true. Posting Chapter 1 was a huge mental hurdle cleared, but there were other things going on behind the scenes that almost derailed this project for good. The timing was such that if I were more prone to hubris, I'd think that the universe itself was testing my resolve. Or possibly mocking me.

On March 3, 2022 (yes, the day after I posted Chapter 1), my father was admitted to the hospital with a debilitating pain in his lower back. Initially, we thought it might be a flare up of his sciatica or maybe something like a kidney stone, but the truth was far worse. What he had was a spinal epidural abscess caused by a bacterial infection in his blood. He was transported to the ICU of a larger (further away) hospital once the severity of his condition was discovered, and he was pumped full of massive doses of antibiotics. Thanks to that, he stabilized, but what followed after was a long period of uncertainty as he would start to make gains only to suffer a setback. Even once the infection and his pain level were under control, he'd been so severely sick that the bacteria had ravaged his various body systems, leading to issues with his kidneys and his heart.

For 91 days, my family and I were stuck on a wretched rollercoaster of getting hopeful (he was transferred to a rehab facility three different times when it looked like he was improving) and then having our hopes dashed when something would happen that would see him sent back to the hospital (falling out of bed, chest pains, difficulty breathing). Hope began to fade in mid May when he was transferred back to the ICU due to diastolic heart failure, which caused his lungs to fill up with fluid. They tapped his lungs thrice, removing at least a liter of fluid each time, but they kept filling up again despite all the diuretics the doctors were giving him. Then his kidneys began to shut down too. We kept hoping right until the end, but he passed away on June 1, 2022, the day before what would've been his and my mother's 49th wedding anniversary.

(Proof that real life can be even crueler than fiction.)

I was only able to continue updating SWST while my father was sick because of that buffer I'd had, and I very nearly deleted the story from AO3 altogether after he died. I remember ruminating about how futile it was to continue with this project; I'd written almost nothing while he was sick, so my buffer was now gone and I questioned whether or not I'd be able to write, let alone write consistently, with the promised months of grief and general upheaval ahead. Even writing a story that I had, to that point, been passionate about felt utterly pointless.

It was strange though. I woke up on June 2nd thinking that maybe I should go ahead and post chapter 4 anyway, since it was already done and it was one of the chapters I particularly liked. So I did. And in the following days, we had my father's funeral and a part of me felt like I could breathe again. I was grieving yes, but the constant daily stress and uncertainty from his illness was gone, and I think that freed my creative drive to start working again. I remember the first day I sat back down at my computer with the intention to write and how much better I felt in general after I got some words onto the screen.

It's hella ironic that I planned SWST with grief and loss as major themes and it turned out I'd be processing such things myself while writing most of it. I know my own grief affected the story, though it's impossible to say to what degree; I get a lot of catharsis in general from writing emotional scenes, so I tend to go hard on them regardless. It didn't change the plot or direction of the story at all, since that was already planned, but it's certainly safe to say that I channeled a lot of my own feelings into some of the most intense moments. The ending of Chapter 9 stands out in particular as something that felt like it was coming straight out of my own heart.

Even on the hard days when I was feeling too overwhelmed and/or the words just weren’t coming, this story gave me a reason to keep going.  Just keeping the goal in mind and reasserting my resolve to be consistent and see this project through to the end helped me cope.  It both kept me grounded and helped me process what I was going through and it gave me something to look forward to when I uploaded each chapter and anxiously waited to see what the readers would think.

I started this fic as a means of testing myself: testing my commitment to writing consistently, to finishing a long-term project, and to getting over at least some of the many, MANY mental hurdles that have held me back from writing for way too long.  I knew that this story would always be near and dear to me if I managed to finish it, but it became even more precious than I ever could’ve imagined back in 2020.  It hurts that I must say goodbye to it, but…it’s forever mine.  I can say with my whole chest that I MADE THIS THING and I’m so very proud of it! <3

[iwtvdramacd18]

i would love to hear your thoughts on this if and when you feel like sharing!! i put out those thoughts after e2 had aired and we've learned so much more about louis since!

OK so first of all this has been in my drafts forever I apologize:

I didn't even notice that was an older post my bad! But that stuff especially about a runs in the family type situation and the very deep intense fear that comes with seeing a family member with severe mental illness and also lacking the ability to fully understand.

I won't get into too many details but I will say that my analysis and reading of Louis' character is very much shaped by the fact that I have been in a lot of mental states/situations like his (its one of the reasons he's such an important character to me). My family has a lot of severe mental illness running through it, including one of my closest relatives who had schizophrenia. And while Paul doesn't have an explicitly stated diagnosis we do know he experiences hallucinations, as did my relative. Now growing up I didn't really understand the extent of the severity of mental illness, even while I had experienced symptoms myself all my life, which was really scary... I lacked a healthy recognition of severe mental illness, as I think it's very obvious in media especially with regards to psychosis it's horribly demonized. Just look at the way people throw around terms like "psychotic". Recognizing similarities between what I was experiencing and what my relative was experiencing not only scared me but also made me feel very shameful.

And that visceral fear of seeing a family member struggle with severe mental illness I think you really hit on the head, I think it does manifest in Louis in not only trying to rationalize/ separate himself from it but also a lot of shame regarding it. I think there is something to say about being the oldest (as I am), realizing you're very mentally ill further down the line, and a fear of having influenced your younger siblings. As far as we know Louis does not experience hallucinations, at least not like Paul, but I don't think it's a stretch to say that he has experienced psychosis (I believe it was yani? who has mentioned the small glimpse we got of the real version of Lestat's "death" with Louis attacking Claudia).

I'd expect that despite Claudia not being biologically Louis' daughter he'd also have those fears pop up again regarding a sort of "infection" of mental illness. One scene that REALLY stands out is his near attempt in episode 6 where he mentions the only reason he didn't carry through was because he didn't want to "ruin" Claudia's departure the way Paul's death "ruined" Grace's marriage night. Which is absolutely heart-rending to me. We know Louis languishes in a lot of shame and guilt and I think his mental illness is a huge one he keeps skirting around.

[an-eldritch-peredhel]

Tagged by @thalion71 thank you!

most hits: Dear Ecthelion (letters are hard to write in your head), with 336! I don't check my stats very often so that's crazy to me. It's probably because it's the only one I have written for LotR, not just the Silmarilion lol. It was my second? I think? Work I posted to be longer than 2000 words. I wrote it for SecretlyThranduil for TSS21 and I'm still pretty proud of it and how it got me thinking about Glorfindel, Ecthelion, and Erestor. I didn't actually get the chance to use most of the headcanons I came up with...

most kudos: Also Dear Ecthelion lol, for the suspected same reason as above. Behind it is I will go as seems good to me which is the start to an "Aredhel becomes a ghost and casually haunts Gondolin" AU that I have written very little about but continuously gives me brainworms. I am very very proud of the style of this one, I wrote it for Tolkien Gen Week 21 and it has haunted (ha) me ever since.

most comments: Remember, All, Listen, All, easily. Written for TRSB last year, my only (completed) multi-chap, and the 2nd longest. Far and away the fic I am proudest of. Perfectly suited to my interests, just enough of a challenge to test me, self-indulgent worldbuilding details, some light conlanging, and absolutely GORGEOUS prompt art by catadromously. Sticking exclusively to Dior's perspective of his fairy-tale parents was really fun and I think gave a pretty unique flavor, and I've been so, so, so gratified with all the positive feedback saying that they could feel and believe the relationships. If you only read/kudos/comment on one of these, this is the one I recommend.

most bookmarks: Calómë (dusk-light), a prompt fill for jaz-the-bard. Writing this was like polishing away a stone to reveal the heart of how I want to characterize Maeglin. Still working on how/if this fits into my personal Arda, and I know the Gondolin OT3 isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I did a lot in here that I'm very happy with, and it took me so long to work out a variation on both Lomion and Maeglin that I was pleased with, didn't have Implications, was gender neutral, and also translated easily and cleanly into both Sindarin and Quenya, so I'm definitely keeping Calómë.

most words: The Goddess and the Weaver, beating out Remember, All by a cool 600. Ironically, this is my other (unfinished) multi-chap. Two-shot? The second half is quietly languishing in my drafts but it is Not forgotten, and will be written if nothing else than for the sake of 3 (three) scenes that I have in extreme clarity in my head. I have So many Miriel thoughts about her and her relationships to life and Vairë and Finwë and Indis and her son... There is a Story behind this fic, which I don't have the space for here but is detailed in the author's note at the beginning, but even though it has fought me every step of the way I am content to let it rest now as is for a while before battling again. Also I did some funky formatting for Vairë's speech and pronouns which was a lot of work but very very cool imo.

least words: This is a Forest, at 547. I usually post short one-shots because I know that I can get them done even when I have almost no inspiration or energy, but this is short even for me. Written for a class as fanfic with the serial numbers filed off and posted in its natural habitat, this is purely self indulgent Doriath As Fey Eldritch Horror Entity With Beren Dealing purple prose. Is it my best technical work? No, but I had so much fun with it, and I think I got across the vibes I wanted to. Also Quick shout outs to the least word runner-ups: A Cruel Forest (630) which is the same Doriath As Entity premise but with a completely different style and Elured and Elurin as Eldritch Maiarin Entities Twisted, and the prince is dead (661) in which Fingon has an existential crisis about his name and the kingship after his father rides out to face Morgoth. Both also written for Gen Week 21. I had so much time that year.

Tagging: @yellow-faerie @tilions @jaz-the-bard @amethysttribble @starspray @swanmaids @arofili if y'all feel like it! Any other writers who see this and want to self-promo, count this as me tagging you to show off your stuff.

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of a commonplace book: holiday edition

monday, dec 5, 2022 ~ 9pm ----> thursday, dec 22, 2022 ~ 4pm  ---->

                                      saturday, dec 24, 2022 ~ 4pm

i’ve had this one languishing in drafts for so long that it’s now a holiday ilcb! stay warm out there, get yourself something nice to drink and light a candle or two or three, i am sending you a hug and a far-too-long post.

reading brrr what did i just finish. when i first drafted this post it was wintering by katherine may. fine premise, i generally accept her point about life inevitably having periods of winter and learning from them. i like the creativity of her different chapter topics. i am tepid to cool about the mix of research and creative writing, mostly because it wasn’t as scientific as i would have liked, and the bits of memoir turned me off at first. i’ve been reading more nonfiction the last few weeks, so i’m also here to report that index, a history of by dennis duncan was quite entertaining for being a book about a piece of book apparatus, and it will probably be a source of many good party facts for the next few months. i began listening to it as an audiobook though, and i must say the melifluous narrator’s voice was a) very entertaining because he had a really hard time with the latin and b) did his best with the fact that many of the examples in a book about indexes (indices?) were just lists of things and page numbers. switching back to print was a good move, imho.

book of the month and possible new entry in my top ten of the year, though, was the goblin emperor by katherine addison, which housemate G gave me as an early christmas present and which was absolutely my shit, between the shakespearean language and the shakespearean court intrigue. the emotional weight of a character shifting from the formal ‘we’ to the informal ‘i’ midsentence! the gradual building of a totally new world and language system! all the supporting cast coming to love the main character in ways that he can’t quite believe but which are clear to the reader! it reminded me of the best bits of the hands of the emperor in that way, and it ranks alongside that one as far as being ‘books that i didn’t want to end.’ the name of the ‘untheileneise’ court is evocative of ‘unseelie’, ever so slightly, and the flavor combination of reading this while also watching the d20 show mentioned below has been delectable.

watching couple of different contenders for this topic, surprisingly, between continuing to watch bossam: steal the fate with @hematiterings​ and fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood with @hematiterings​ and @pep-squad-lizzie​, and having watched crouching tiger, hidden dragon and 20 minutes of a random episode of the white lotus on the plane, or now having been at my parents’ for a minute having started enjoying miss scarlet and the duke and three pines with them. on my own, though, it’s been dimension 20-- i bought a year’s subscription for myself as a present, and the entire visual and storytelling aesthetic of a court of fey and flowers has been hitting so right. i love aabria’s dm style, i thought this during exandria unlimited too (and i just did a cursory search of ilcb posts to make sure i haven’t said this already?? if i have please forgive me)-- there’s a richness and glitter to her narration and the details she chooses to highlight. and everyone in this group is doing such a great job, i’m in ep 2 ‘the great hart hunt’ right now and just, the different strategies each of the characters has selected to solve the puzzle, the combination of more court intrigue with humor and whatever earnest emotion peeps out sometimes, plus the slightly-different-but-equally-creative take on goblins from brennan and k.p. hobb here as opposed to the goblin emperor (they both have emotive ears!) is very good to me, personally.

listening mostly podcasts, if i’m honest. i put on an 8-hours-of-gentle-christmas-carols yule log youtube video today, but really i’ve been listening most to the WBUR podcast last seen when doing dishes or cooking or otherwise getting the streets of this city back under my feet. the episode on the jewel heist is where i started, while the one on chinese pie / pâté chinois and the franco-american/quebecois in new england gave me an emotion. this evening, though, there will be christmas music and yes that is a threat.

playing more stardew (while enjoying fey and flowers in the other window) but i’ve decided i can start a new game for a new year! while i work out how to download things from the itch.io bundle i bought literally two years ago, and scroll through the under $10 section on steam’s sale, recommendations are welcome. things i’m intrigued by: spiritfarer! a dragon age? i do not have a gaming laptop, a desktop computer, or a good gaming rig in any sense, and i will be choosing based entirely on Vibes (art / music / tone / narrative / writing etc), but input and suggestions are always welcome! also i tried to teach my dad 2048 and it went about as well as i could have hoped. also i asked for a zelda DS game for christmas like it’s 2013.

making there was a lot that could have gone into this section over the last few weeks, if i’d posted it when i initially started thinking about it-- i hung a poster! remounted a shelf! and now have dried orange slices for last-minute ornaments and made many (MANY) molasses-ginger cookies, and am in the process of mulling apple juice (california apparently not believing in proper cloudy apple cider). we’re travelling to see family the day after boxing day, so any real holiday baking will probably happen once we’re there, rather than being made now and then having to be frozen or eaten all in a rush-- so nothing to report on the bread / pie / candy front. yet. CIDER UPDATE: it tastes like hot apple juice. luckily irish coffee is also an option now.

working on but it’s christmas! i hear you cry. yes, and all free time is time you could be working on your journal piece, i reply. i’ve also been grinding through RAship hours before the end of the year, even though my contract continues until the end of april, because the more i can get done now the easier the spring will be. also i’m reading some diss chapters for a friend (self-serving also because his topic is close enough to mine that i can call this research!) and working on a letter of support for a prof who’s been good to me over the years and who is up for a teaching award. my journal piece is a cleaned-up version of a talk i gave, so really it’s a question of prettying-up the footnotes and inserting better citations, and trying to make it Good Enough while not too different / not rewriting it entirely. what does this actually look like? hell if i know, but unless someone gets back to me about image permissions it’s a moot point anyway. happy new year to me.

[jessaerys]

Any webweave/litstack tips for someone who's never done it before and thinks you are a genius?

HEHEHE thank you ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to make people insane about fictional characters.

the only advice i can think of is, take it slow! they'll be ready whenever they're ready. mine usually languish in my drafts for weeks as every now and then i read or see a post/quote that fits, and collect them at their own pace.

also: i think people often neglect rhythm. a webweave is an entire piece of writing, not just a collection of quotes. the same rules of prose apply!

i haven't read every single piece of literature the quotes come from, but some of them are made in-house. i am actually trying to remember to post more quotes from whatever i'm currently reading so i can trick myself into reading more through the peer validation of the alleged dopamine hit via the candy colored social media notification

also i am on pinterest an unhealthy amount

[shavynel]

A question: if Gil ruled Europa, would he let Tarvek run it?

Strong maybe.

Probably also like by accident.

Tarvek probably would just naturally take over all the intricate details and make everything actually run.

You know, like all those things that are causing Gil to not sleep? Tarvek could probably just handle them in his sleep.

I mean we’ve already seen it happen before.

Gil would remain the face of the empire barony. The press just loves him.

Of course, the best part of this is Gil would endlessly just complain about the fact that Tarvek has taken over and can’t be trusted and why hasn’t anyone done anything about this.

And then, probably, if anyone actually questioned Tarvek’s administration, they’d have to face Gil.

Wait ... hold on ... why does Gil even want to run an empire? Just ‘cause he inherited it and thinks it’s better than devolving into chaos? 

[essaysbyciara]

It’s Been A Long Time | Nebraska Williams x Black!PlusSize Reader [Part 1/?]

Warnings: language, smut thoughts (my ministry!)

So this has been in my drafts for a *HOT MINUTE* but that photo of Trevante in high school triggered a release. If people dig where it could be going, I will add it to my list of stuff to finish and open up a taglist. I’ll try my best to do so, I promise! lol

“God, I played this album out…” Lil’ Wayne’s seminal album, The Carter, didn’t age at all. Back in 2004, Wayne was a secret about to bubble over to superstardom, just years shy of lollipops and Static Major (rest in peace). Wayne represented the teenage angst of your time, even though you toiled in the suburbs while he wrestled with the streets. But as “On My Own” damn near explodes your factory speakers, a high pitch ping from your phone pauses your trip down memory lane. 

Message from Sheena: Let’s catch up before the babies wake up. 

You hit the call button on your dash once you stop at a red light. 

“Girl, hey. You on your way to work?”

“Ain’t I always, Shi Shi? Damn near almost overslept. Thought I missed my flight.” 

Sheena, or Shi Shi, is the epitome of a best-friend-forever. You two met in Ms. Grayson’s civics class, 11th grade. On the first day of school, you rolled into third period wearing a Scream Tour II t-shirt and if you were to describe Sheena in that moment, jealous wasn’t even the word.  She stanned hard for Lil’ Bow Wow but her mom wouldn’t let her go to the concert because she got caught with a boy in her room. That boy is now the husband half-way responsible for the twin girls she’s hoping will give her some grace by sleeping a little bit longer. 

“Damn. You wanna gift some of that sleep to these twins, God mommy?”

“Only if you gift me some of those post-pregnancy boobs, Mommy Dearest,”

“Can’t do that. Jarell been having too much fun with those!” 

“Girl, eww. I don’t need to know all that.”

You kinda did. Sheena’s stories were always live, wild and uncut. And the only fireworks you’ve been adjacent to in months since you broke up with that lame stockbroker, Keith. You curve around the airport parking lot as Sheena starts digging deep into her latest soft-core episode with her husband since the six weeks ain’t up yet. In between interjections of how nasty Jarrell could be and watching planes taxi in the distance, you cruise through Instagram to take inventory of what your day might be like. 

Managing social media for the biggest sports publication in the country was not the fulfillment of a dream after high school because, shit,  social media didn’t exist when you were in high school. But it’s what has you just hours away from a flight to the NFL Combine in Indianapolis, sitting in a parking lot, listening to your BFF’s slow burn sexcapades. You break up the audio immersion experience once your timeline displays something else to ruminate over.

“Sheena! Shi -- shut up! I can’t believe - you remember Lisa from high school? She got married ...and it ain’t to Brasco.” 

“Whaaaa… you can finally stop making u-turns in the hallway and snag your man!”

You didn’t appreciate the lowly dig from your friend about Nebraska “Brasco” Williams, star running back, track champion and boy so fine he made both Omarion and J-Boog look like ogres. Your high school crush had you shook to your pubescent core; pretty teeth, deep skin tone and two tattoos before the age of eighteen. You’d see him in the student parking lot with the rest of the football team and you’d rush to your car as if it would go home without you. He was too hot to handle. You were beyond envious that Lisa could. 

“Lisa ain’t do too bad. Her man is crazy fine. I mean, not Brasco fine but still…” 

“Man,  he had high school going crazy. I wonder what happened to him after that fight? I should stalk him on Facebook while I pump.” You laugh so hard, the couple walking past your car stops their argument to stare at you. 

Your laughs break once you realize you might actually miss that flight. You relegate Shi Shi to kiss the twins for you and to send his Facebook profile if she can actually find it. You tried years ago and failed. 

“Aight, fave. I will.  Love you. Text me when you touch down in Indy.” 

As you weave through the terminal, your mind thinks back to the days at New Birth High School. While it brought you joy in a forever friend and the launching point for your forever career in sports journalism, it did bring you one of the most hurtful days of your life that took years to shake. 

It was the summer going into your senior year. Lisa’s sweet sixteen pool party. No way in Hell you thought you’d be there but your Mom and Lisa’s stepmom sat on the same deacon board at church and somehow thought you two were friends; Lisa paid you dust in those hallways. You fretted over every part of your outfit, especially the swim shoes you didn’t want but your Dad picked up at Sports Authority. But you were fretting the most over your swimsuit, a red one-piece with a deep open back. It was sexy for a 16-year-old, to be honest, but you secretly tried it on at the mall and fell in love with it -- especially how it made you feel. 

You fell in deep love with your body that day. The way the swimsuit clenched your waist, giving your almost-pear shape some definition you’d never seen before. Your hips sat wide, your breast placed taunt, just peeking through the sides, showing off a crescent shaped birthmark right below your collarbone. It was Jet Beauty of the Week-esque and it made you feel on top of the world. Something that society kept telling you a plus-size teenage girl was not to feel. You used the last of your paper route money to buy it and hid your secret weapon in the back of your closet until the day arrived. You were hoping to get some boy’s attention -- especially Brasco. But you’d take anybody’s glare if you could get it. 

You were in the clear once your Mom dropped you and Sheena both off at Lisa’s back gate. As you walked into the party, the sounds of the local hip-hop and R&B radio station blasted throughout her huge backyard. So much fun was had -- so much splash and dash -- that the faint sounds of “Knuck If You Buck” failed to erupt a party full of teenagers it was made for. The pool seemed tempting in 90-plus heat but most of the temptation came from the jacuzzi next to it. There inside sat Brasco, his lanky on-field wide receiver sidekick Kenny and Jarell, Sheena’s partner-in-bedroom-bust crime looking delicious in their highlighter-color swim trunks. You were still figuring out your body and the reactions conjured up from the sight of water droplets chasing down their backs confused you even more. But the heat of the sun -- and the heat from your body -- got too much to bear. That pool called your name. 

You stripped off your t-shirt and denim shorts, leaving your swim shoes back by the picnic table. They clashed. Your nerves splashed together like the water you couldn’t wait to feel, battering against your heart. Were you ready for all this attention? Amongst the rest of the classmates, you disappeared. You weren’t popular. People knew of you but didn’t know you, only associating you with Sheena by proxy of Jarell. “My Goodies” came on the radio, providing you a soundtrack and a sign from God. Before you could answer the call, Sheena jumped into the pool. You tossed your glasses on top of your clothes and did the same. 

The water felt golden. Sheena smacked your face with sheets of chlorinated goodness. Too much fun was had by all, even Lisa joined in the fun. Suddenly the entire football team did too except Brasco and Jarell, languishing on the edge of the jacuzzi because like most boys from their side of town, they didn’t know how to swim. Lisa saw her boo in isolation and tapped Sheena on the shoulder. 

“Hey, Shi Shi. Let’s get in the jacuzzi.” Sheena grabbed your hand to guide you out of the pool. You weren’t expecting to see your Mom at the other end. Sheena didn’t grab you to join her in the warm bubbles, she got you out at the angry-faced-behest of your mother. You both were going home. The party silenced and stares followed as everyone watched your walk-of-shame to grab your clothes. You got what you wanted in the worst way possible. 

Your unholy exodus commenced when Lisa’s mom called yours to report what she saw: this red bathing suit too revealing for a little girl to wear. It wasn’t the green ruffled mess-of-a-bathing-suit from last year. She claimed to witness stares and whispers and “boobs hanging out, butt all out.” Your mom got over there quicker than a church shout. She waited to scold you after she dropped off Sheena. 

It was a Sunday School scolding like no other. Tears pooled deep like the one you were just having fun in. You tossed the bathing suit into the trash bin. You were never going to see it again. 

The announcement of your flight breaks you out of your day nightmare. Grabbing the handle on your suitcase, you see a text with an attachment from Sheena. 

Girllllllllllll. I found Brasco and babyyyyyyyyyyy… 

You gasp. Time did a wonder on him in all the right ways. He packed on even more muscle, chiseling out the navy thermal dressing his upper body. Teeth still bright, Moonlight-bright. His Omarion-Pandemonium-era braids were gone, now donning a clean fade with perfect waves. His stance meant business, a lot of it risky. You bite your lower lip to mask the “damn!” urging a release from you, staring at his picture so intensely that you damn near walk into the stewardess checking your boarding pass. 

You couldn’t wait to get to your first-class seat. You needed a safe space to drown in your own splash waterfalls. You beg Sheena to send you his profile, looking to make some more of that mess and she obliges. Scrolling through his Facebook, you see nothing. You needed him to match your uncleanliness. Another text from Sheena breaks you out of your spell. 

Ain’t shit on here though. I can’t find an Instagram or anything. That’s where the dirt is at lol 

You put your social media skills to work. Ain’t an Instagram profile that you can’t find. Nebraska Williams brings up nothing. Such a unique name and nothing to show for it. 

Maybe Jarell can follow him, Shi. 

Jarell ain’t on this thing. He hates all this stuff. You want me to follow him? 

Girl, yes! I need more pictures! I’m trying to find his ‘gram and no diceeeeeee. Ughhhh. 

Damn the “no cell phone until after lift off” announcement. You then try “Brasco”, too many names -- rappers, really--  and a dog company to boot. “Brasco Williams” yields no results. You couldn’t wait what could be hours, days,  weeks, maybe never, for a response from Brasco to Sheena’s friend request. 

You pull up Google as a last ditch effort. The results bring up what only seems to be archives from your now-defunct city newspaper covering one of Nebraska’s record-setting games from 2005. You know to quit while you’re ahead until you see a Youtube video: “Nebraska Williams (RB) New Birth High School (MD). uploaded by Donyell Williams. You remember Donyell as this boy who played too damn much in Geometry class but right now, he’s Brasco’s cousin who's Instagram profile came up on the first search. Thank God his profile wasn’t private. You scroll back far enough to hit the jackpot. 

I found it! @donniebrascowill is his Instagram. 

Sheena was right about the dirt. His posts were bare but his stories carried enough. Enough shirtless, weightlifting, fresh-out-the-barbershop-got-to-show-you-the-fade dirt. You hit the follow button before the stewardess asked for your drink selection. 

End of Part I

[bangchanswolfpelt]

The way perv soob just PLAYYYSSS ON MY MINDDD NOW CUZ OF YOU 😣😣😣😫😫😫😫🤤🤤🤤🥴🥴🥺🥺🥺💖💖

If you can fit it in I would adore some more perv soob, perhaps some somno ?? Boob obsessed soob ?? Getting caught ?? If those don't fit the perv soob agenda then that's totally fine do whatever you will with it bestie 😫😫🤤🤤

Also, I absolutely adore how half your stuff is 8 paragraphs minimum stop apologising for that silly, it hits too good for you to be cutting it down

Anyways hope youre doing well and have a good day <3

this is so sweet 😭😭😭😭

more pervy!Soob is definitely on the way, we have him penciled in for at least one day of Kinktober (and let's be real, i'm probably gonna work it into at least a couple of our other Soobin days too 🥴), and i'm definitely gonna be writing more of him beyond that as well because he's just too much fun to play with 🥰

and boo, the pervy Soobin agenda is anything and everything we want it to be, it is a malleable canon with diverging timelines, it is a choose-your-own-adventure. i've got out a longer somno fic i'm mapping out rn (and at least a couple of the branches on that involve him getting caught 😈), and the inbox is full titty-loving Soobs waiting for my attention 🤤 if there's anything specific you wanna see with him, tho, don't worry about whether it's inconsistent with anything we've established and drop me a line!! pervy Soobin is a multiverse for all of us to play in💕

y'all are gonna inflate my ego so much, i'm gonna get insufferable if you don't cut this shit out 😭 but seriously, i really don't have the words to explain how much i appreciate messages like this??? i feel like a dummy repeating myself, but it really makes me so happy and so excited to keep sharing my writing with y'all 🥰

also, me apologizing about things getting long isn't actually about the length, so much as it is—i just don't know when to stop? which means nothing ever gets posted as soon as i want it to be, haha 💀 y'all come to me with so many good ideas and i haaaaaate having them just languishing in my inbox or my drafts folder 😭

also, this seriously made my day when i got it, i hope you're doing great, nonnie💕💕💕💕

[cyanoscarlet]

2020 writing review

Thanks for the tag, @gladiowrites​! (I know it’s not a tag, but this is fun to do lol)

I.. honestly wrote a lot this 2020. No kidding. Quarantine productivity was real, but so is residency languishing by the wayside while everyone was busy surviving and adjusting. I highly doubt 2021 will be the same, but I’ll always cherish 2020 just because of the writing and nothing else.

This is gonna be long.

FIRST CREATION + MOST RECENT CREATION OF 2020

8:15 am  - Final Fantasy XV. Lunafreya. February 2020. - First piece ever written for the year. - Intended to be a Luna-centric AU, in which the Nox Fleurets were deposed and she’s now a regular teacher. Never managed to write anything beyond that, though, because residency. (Back then, I didn’t know it was gonna be the beginning of the end, so I had hopes. Oh well.)

irresistible!, or the summer ramblings of nene yashiro and everything that followed - Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun. Nene, Hanako. March 2020. - First one published on AO3 for 2020 (yes, there’s a distinction). - If you think the title sounds familiar, you’re right.

versus

first yuletide - Final Fantasy XV. Nyx. December 2020. - Written for the FFXV Secret Santa event on Twitter. - Before y’all object and say what unwinding is, that’s an old fic uploaded late.

ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE CREATIONS FROM 2020

Do I seriously have to choose? Omg.

take heart - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Gods/Humans AU. - Discovered so much about myself writing this. Also (hopefully) I managed to get into Dazai’s headspace correctly. He’s an extremely difficult character to write, so finishing this brought so much gratification.

you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons - Final Fantasy VIII. Laguna, Squall. Post-canon. - Probably my most heartfelt work of the year- scratch that, ever. Also happy with how I just let myself go writing this and didn’t need to think twice.

A CREATION YOU’RE REALLY PROUD OF

oneiric moments (or, five nights with you) - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. - Written for the SKK Fic Exchange for Summer 2020. - Five interconnected fics. 18,985 words. - Might not be a big deal for others, but this was taxing because I don’t usually write long, multichaptered stuff. I got carried away, though. It ain’t as well-polished as my more recent stuff, but I’m proud of myself for pulling this off.

A NEW STYLE YOU TRIED THIS YEAR & A FIC THAT USES IT

I... don’t think I have tried anything of the sort. My repertoire is sorely limited compared to others, I’m afraid. I’d probably have an answer for “explored new themes,” but again, I’ve a limited arsenal, too, in that regard.

A CREATION THAT TOOK YOU FOREVER

all in a day’s work - Bungou Stray Dogs. Atsushi, Akutagawa. Cells at Work AU. - It’s still being written, with a lot of side stories planned but never drafted. - I fell out of love with BSD, recovered from that, then got busy with residency.

YOUR CREATION FROM 2020 THAT RECEIVED THE MOST NOTES KUDOS

Also take heart. While I am proud of it, I guess it hit the right spot for mainstream shippers, too, somewhat? My feelings about mainstream things have changed a lot because of things, but I am still happy.

A CREATION YOU THINK DESERVED MORE NOTES KUDOS

amīcitia - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Final Fantasy XV AU. - Petty indignancy for my self-indulgent baby aside, I’m also proud of how I wrote Dazai in this one, similar to take heart.  the fun they had - Bungou Stray Dogs. Kajii, Port Mafia Ensemble. - ... Guys. Please notice genfics.

A NEW FANDOM YOU JOINED AND A CREATION YOU MADE FOR IT

Everything I wrote for Bungou Stray Dogs. (I kid you not.)

If you want a single answer anyway:

on the flaming mountains - act-age. Chiyoko, Kei. Princess Iron Fan Arc. - arc words: “what shall i do with this ire?” - I wouldn’t really say I “left” the fandom, more like it fizzled out after Matsuki-sensei got arrested.

A CREATION YOU MADE THAT BREAKS YOUR HEART

a cycle of; - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Medico-legal AU. - Written out of much anger and frustration over things. Also because this in itself was frustrating to write.

Also  you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. Because no matter how much I hate my family at so many points in my life, I know I can’t truly hate them from the bottom of my heart. This fic is a reminder of that.

A SIMPLE CREATION THAT YOU REALLY LOVE

express delivery for love - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Real World Quarantine AU. - It’s funny. It’s orthodox. It’s sweet. I don’t think it can get any better than that.

A CREATION THAT WAS INSPIRED BY ANOTHER ONE

rather be - Bungou Stray Dogs. Yosano. Pre-canon. - Inspired by yesterday is another world by @wctercress​ - The whole of primum non nocere, actually, but specifically this one, and the rest followed. - This is also my first BSD fic. Ever.

A FAVORITE CREATION CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE

... You sure? There’s a lot, and this is just on the surface. (unleashes the proverbial waterfall)

The aforementioned yesterday is another world by @wctercress​

silencer and snow white days by EKmisao - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Dead Apple canon-divergent. - The aftermath of Dead Apple, in which one of two goes wrong. - They’re unrelated, I know. But they’re both sisters! Just trust me on this. - The proper entry for this would be silencer, but I can’t very well mention one without the other, so have both anyway. I read both only this year, after all. Waiting for Godot by @eternal-aegis​ - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya. Canon-divergent. - Amazing theme, amazing philosophy, amazing writing. It makes you think. It makes you analyze and explore. This writer definitely knows her stuff, and it shows. Catharsis by @gladiowrites​ - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Gen. Caraway. Post-canon. - The denouement to the Caraway family drama we all deserve. I love how Rinoa is presented in this fic. She’s a normal person who makes mistakes and learns her lessons. So is Fury. Burned bridges don’t always have to stay down, and this fic illustrates that wonderfully.

Culmination by @gladiowrites​ - Final Fantasy VIII. Squall, Rinoa. Post-canon. - We can’t all have happy endings. This fic also illustrates that very well. While I, a Squinoa fan, personally ascribe to the happy ending Squall and Rinoa must have had after the events of FF8, this fic is so compelling and grounded and reflective and I totally buy this. 

Here Without You by @muselover1901​ - Akagami no Shirayuki-hime. Zen/Shirayuki. Real world quarantine AU. - One of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read this year. I can definitely relate to a lot of things in this fic. I’ve been rereading all of Muse’s ANS stuff whenever I feel down, and they all hit the spot.

Savor The Moment by @joeys-piano​ - Bungou Stray Dogs. Oda. Pre-canon. - Yes, yes, YES. One of the best stories I’ve ever read this year, ever. (And I mean stories, not fanfics.) Great character study about a man named Oda and a day in his life and a page (or three) out of his book of relationships. The love poured into this is simply overflowing and precious. I’ve been following Joey since this fic was being written, and I’m so proud of him.

False Equivalences by @slowquotesquill - Dai Gyakuten Saiban. Asougi, Ryuunosuke. Fullmetal Alchemist AU. - This fic also! Oh, My Heart. The cynicism of a state alchemist and the optimism of a foreign doctor. It perfectly hits the spot for everything FMA, and we all know that SQQ’s Asouryuu fics are always to die for. It’s the ultimate combo.

The whole Promptober Leo/Will/Despair series by @eternal-aegis - Kekkai Sensen. Various themes, many of which are dark/mature. - I’ve said this with Waiting for Godot, and I’ll say it again: Aegis knows her stuff. This is her exploring further in that direction, and you can feel the improvement with every fic in the series. I really love how adventurous these stories are, and how much depth you can go with every one. Her characterization is layered and exquisite, and the underlying lore is well-thought-out. - tl;dr: B3 Goddess.

Predestined by Galkimasera - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Squall. Reverse/Fateswap AU. - A very well-written reverse AU! The circumstances of Squall and Rinoa in this ‘verse fit so well and are so well thought out. I love this AU so much, you don’t even know. It also fills my nostalgic shipper’s heart with much joy at seeing quality content in this Year of our Lord 2020.

For auld lang syne, my dear by @by-nina - Fullmetal Alchemist. Roy, Riza. Canon-compliant + post-canon. - Holiday feels, snapshots through time, and all over showing Roy and Riza’s budding relationship over the years. And it does remind me of a lot of the SKK fics I’ve written (thematic-wise). This was such a treat to read and to follow. All her FMA fics are. She does Royai so much justice. Am not yet finished reading smoke without fire, but I’ll get to that, too!

SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE CONTENT CREATORS FROM THIS YEAR

Everyone in the answer above. There’s honestly a whole boatload of more, but this is getting too long already lololol

(might edit this when I feel like it, tho!)

[virareve]

JB Exchange is over and I wanted to share the story I wrote and post about the writing experience as it pulled me out of my comfort zone and brought me closer to people in fandom. ( A new and exciting first!) 


“But you’ve known me forever and now I have to say, I always say what I feel” was a bit of a last minute write-up. During the months we had to work on our projects, I languished and wrote new story beginnings over and over trying to find something that worked. A few weeks before fics were due I hit my epiphany, and then the dreaded work emergency happened. I had to trade my evenings for weeks of 60+ hour weeks to meet my new work deadline (August 7th-fic day! D: ). Since I couldn’t change that situation, I crossed my fingers and hoped I could turn the 600 words I’d started into one whole fic during the weekend that the fic posting was happening. Work ended and exhausted from three sequential 12 hours days, I took the day after to rest and decided “Oh, hey, it’s cool, I’ll just write my whole story in one day.” (VERY BAD IDEA) the day I was supposed to write…I ended up in a car accident and got a concussion. 🤦‍♀️ 


My concussion was not…er..not great…It was extremely difficult to think about plot since I would get migraines and I sometimes struggled with understanding the scenes I wrote because of the constant dizziness and vertigo (that also made it a pain to stare at a screen too long 😬). Frantic, I decided to seek help from the fandom, a first time since I’m generally socially anxious, but I really, really wanted to do my fic well and had to accept I couldn’t do it on my own. I first went to @naomignome who’d I’d exchanged words over fandom but was still terrified to talk to and then I went to @kurikaesu-haru who I’d never really talked to but who had stated repeatedly that she was willing to beta if someone needed help for the exchange. Both were kind about being willing to proof my fic (which I brought over to them the night the postings were due). Their reception and feedback was incredibly helpful and helped me shape a mishmash of varied attempts into something entertaining. I’m extremely thankful for them and the fun experience getting their reactions as they read my draft was so affirming as a novice writer! :) I can’t say enough how scared I was going to them for help and it was so easy. They were so helpful and kind!
I’m quite happy with what I produced, but, truly, it’s lovely to know there are such great people in the JB fandom who will help you if you ask. :)

That’s it. That’s my story. JB People are cool and I’m glad to be a part of it. XP

[montpahrnah]

@moonypadfootforever tagged me in this writing meme a while ago! thank you for giving me a chance to think about this stuff. gonna tag @sqvalors @zeiat @alwaysalreadyangry @batmansymbol @direwolf-summer @coyotesuspect @chocochipbiscuit @todisturbtheuniverse @silkcoeur @ebp-brain @bigblackdogfic and anybody else at all who wants to!

ao3 name:  montparnasse, i went through an extremely short-lived les mis phase and always intended to change it but never did

fandoms:  mostly harry potter and dragon age, which has been the case for a long time, but i used to write for mass effect once in a while

number of fics:  52

fic i spent the most time on:  definitely on southerly winds... my writing process is extremely chaotic and i don’t normally go through drafts of things or whatever, but i wrote one much shorter, very different version of it in the summer of 2013 and then kept sporadically re-writing it until it became something else.

fic i spent the least amount of time on:  the waking years, which i wrote in just a few hours

longest fic:  leave the children behind. it’s wild how you can write 54k of lie low at lupin’s fic and still feel like you have infinitely more in you

shortest fic:  redrawn, which i wrote for a kink meme back when those were a thing… the prompt was first times and i went with first kill

most hits:  let nothing you dismay

most kudos:  also let nothing you dismay

most comment threads:  let nothing you dismay! i have definitely (in my opinion) written better stories than that one, but i get why it’s my most popular.

most bookmarks:  you know it

total word count:  538,380

favorite fic i wrote:  this is hard... it might be on southerly winds. i have a severe fondness for da2 in general; hawke/isabela and isabela as a character are very dear to me, and like i said, i spent a long time with this story--much more than i do with most--so i’ve always been very proud of it. i actually cried when i finished it, and that’s no small thing for me... on the r/s side of things, it’d maybe be like tinder for ghosts, because i also spent a weird amount of time with it for as (comparatively) short as it is, and it also looked very different when i first started writing it, but i really feel like it hits most of what i love about them and why that era is/has been/will always be everything to me.

fic i want to rewrite/expand on:  lately i’ve been thinking a lot about amateur cartography and things i wanted to do with it but didn’t have time for, and directions i could’ve taken but didn’t... not sure what will come of that but we will see. i’m also always thinking about expanding on brighten the corners, but part of me thinks it’s fine as it is/i’ve said all that needs to be said. it’d be a good excuse to write more about the midwest though.

share a bit of a wip or story idea you’re working on:  from the post-apocalyptic AU, under the cut:

Sometime in mid-March—he’d never remember the exact date afterwards, though he tried—he woke at around five in the morning to the sound of his phone about to vibrate off his nightstand, knowing it’d be work calling him in before he even squinted into the harsh LED display in the pre-dawn dark of his apartment, the name of the nursing home lit up bright and promising a litany of bullshit he wasn’t prepared to process without at least two cups of coffee in him. It was supposed to be his day off; it had been a while since he’d gotten two in a row, what with people quitting left and right and the unusually severe flu season that had lingered into the anxious thaw of early spring. When he answered just before it would’ve gone to voicemail the charge nurse on the other end feigned contrition for long enough that he closed his eyes and for three entire blistering seconds entertained the thought of quitting on the spot until she asked him if he’d like to come in to cover for whatsherface, another nurse’s aide who worked in the dementia unit and had finally succumbed to the flu she’d been futilely trying to fight off with vitamin C tablets for days now.

“Yeah, fine,” he said, voice scraped raw with sleep. There was nothing he’d rather do less but unfortunately he did need the money, and he knew what it was like to take care of sixteen residents by oneself and tried not to abandon his coworkers to such a dismal fate. “Is that everybody now? Like, all the staff’s had it?”

“Just about,” said the charge nurse, “but I’m—I don’t know. Usually hits pretty quick, once you get it, but it took forever to really get to her, didn’t it?”

“You think she’s got something else?”

“I think she shouldn’t have been coming to work,” said the charge nurse, and Remus bit back a remark about understaffing and underpaying and bullshit policies that effectively required healthcare workers to come to work sick. He’d already been written up once in the last six months; best not chance it. “I guess she’s headed to the ER. Sounded like death to tell you the truth, she was having a hard time talking.”

“Maybe pneumonia,” said Remus, “especially if she’s been overdoing it.”

“She didn’t seem bad off yesterday. Just like a mild cold or something.” Here, she paused. Remus would remember this—he would always remember this, that in that moment of crackling digitized quiet from the other end he’d taken a breath and looked out the window, where the scythe moon hung high overhead among the cold peal of early springtime stars. Already there was a robin singing, just out of season, just out of time. He’d never heard one so early before. “They took Murray a few hours ago too. To the ER, I mean. Last I talked to them they were getting ready for an intubation.”

“What the hell. He was fine on Tuesday.”

“He was fine yesterday, just a stuffy nose and a sore throat. Then all of a sudden he’s got a fever so high he’s seeing things and he can’t breathe and he’s coughing up blood.”

“Huh,” said Remus, who reluctantly worked night shifts and thus had limited capacity for complex thought or emotion before about ten in the morning these days. He hung up and laid in bed just kind of languishing spiritually for a few more minutes before he got up and set about making coffee and oatmeal and laying out a clean pair of scrubs. He opened his bedroom window to try and hear the robin as the morning sky with its ten-ton gray clouds began to lighten, but it didn’t sing again.

[lachlann-macnab]

Task #16 Jukebox Musical/TV or Movie Soundtrack: come up with a playlist of at least 10 songs, write a scene summary to go with each one. Disclaimer under the cut.

Disclaimer: I, once again, decided to abuse the system. Nowhere on the prompt does it say that the scenes have to be related to a character I have, that's why I present to you: "The prompt, but short stories done with characters Jean would love to write but doesn't have the time to actually have".

Also, weeb rights.

*King  (English cover) -Will Stetson John Kingsbury 

Watch your back no warning warning Taking all my stress there's only just one thing to do Brace yourself for all my love's attack now Left side right side Bear your fangs it's time to fight Pa - pa - pa parade in shame tonight Left side. Right side. Bear your fangs and come alive Pa- pa - pa, Hah! You are king!

Mother always did like Richard best. 

Screw that, everyone always did like Richard best, even John liked his brother more than he liked himself. Even so, when he had been declared MIA during a mission with The Order, John quickly became the first option (the only option) for everyone -he was on cloud nine.

His new comrades didn't quite like him, but John didn't quite mind since he'd make sure that by the end of that year they'd be kneeling to him. Just  like he'd make sure that Richard never, ever came back, even if that meant making allies with a certain policeman and some Magicks whose information he'd make sure to erase from The Order's databases.

Pa, pa- pa Hah! He was (finally) King!

*La mer - Julio Iglesias cover  Basil Rathbone 

Mrs. Judson would have never expected to hear Julio Iglesias, of all things, coming from the flat. It was a strangely cheerful song for someone like Basil to hear, being the snob (not only musical, but general snob) he'd always been.

She was unsure about whether she really wanted to open the door, suddenly afraid of what she might find on the other side. Sometimes Basil would be immersed reading files upon files upon files, sometimes he would be languishing on the sofa while staring blankly at the roof, sometimes he would be walking around while talking to himself in a very obvious bout of mania -he was a wild card, that Basil, and the fact that she simply couldn't guess what he'd do next always worried her.

Worried as she was, she opened the door.

She found Basil staring at the portrait that hung just above the chimney, just...watching it. 

"I have always quite admired Le Carré's works" Basil merely said, without even looking at Mrs. Judson and instead keeping his attention on his own personal Karla while the song went on and on, silently hurting in all of the right places.

*Everybody loves me - OneRepublic  Kuzco Apaza

Get down, Swaying to my own sound Flashes in my face now All I know is everybody loves me Everybody loves me

Kuzco was on a roll. 

He felt the stares as he made the street his personal catwalk and kept (very loudly) chatting with his lawyers on the other side of the phone. The sun was shining surprisingly strongly that day (surprisingly for that side of the world, that is), it's rays hit his jewelry and clothes and made him shine almost as strongly as the star itself.

There was no way anyone could ignore him. And he couldn't blame them -he was fabulous! A gift of the gods themselves, almost as brilliant as the sun and twice (no, thrice) as charming!

...and he was shouting his plans to build a waterpark on Atlantis Lake. And, sure, people didn't seem to love the idea quite yet, but...?

At least they were staring. And they'd eventually learn to love him.

*Dramaturgy (English cover) - Will Stetson Hans Westergård 

All alone now no one’s looking, act out in greed deceiving all their eyes But there’s no real me that You’ll find if you believe and I can’t find a single role that showed what’s really there to see

He caught the eyes of his reflection by accident.

Hans had tilted his head and his eyes had almost immediately found his own reflection against the showcases, making him forget about his date (what was her name again? He couldn't, for the life of him, remember that but he certainly did remember how much her net-worth was and which medicines she needed to take at what hours of the day, just like her previous beau had needed to do before the "accident" had happened) and focus instead on his own eyes.

The thing is...he couldn't find anything in there; The baby blue went on and on but there was nothing beyond- behind it-

-when he moved his gaze, however, he found that he was smiling even if he didn't felt like it. And that his carefully selected clothes looked as they had been designed just for him to wear (and they had), and that his globed hands were still holding his date's recent purchases inside the yellow bag even if he found every item utterly tacky and a ridiculous expense.

He was smiling and looking good and doing perfectly. So why did finding his own gaze him the same effect as placing a mirror in front of another, creating a ever going loop of emptiness?

Was he not playing his part correctly? What could possibly fill that void?

*My Neighbor Totoro/Azumi Inoue Music Box ver - R3 Music Box Totoro Seishin 

Totoro decided to take a nap under the sun while Chu and Chibi were busy playing with some squirrels. It was a sunny day and there was no place he'd rather be but outside, basking and feeling the grass under him.

At one point, however, he felt some extra weight on him. He didn't feel like moving or particularly offended by something deciding to lay on him, it was just amusing.

He couldn't be bothered to open both eyes, so he only opened one, finding a sleeping girl against his chest as if that was the most normal thing to do.

He smiled, closed his eye and decided that was quite fine by him.

*Delusion Girl - Oktavia Cover (TW Suicide and Mental Illness) Bernard Newhart

Every hero knows when they’re needed, so, that’s just what he’s born to be A man who manages throwing out his hand, Who doesn’t care if his own life is spared Such a feat like that, it’s a selfless act only completed in dreams And it stays like that for me With a crash I’m trapped back in reality

Bernard wanted to help, he really did. He just...didn't always know how. Nor did he know if it really matter.

His partner always seemed to be five steps ahead and the Australian she'd taken a fancy to was just like her, if not a couple of steps ahead of even her. And it made Bernard feel like a third wheel, to question if he was really doing something worthy, if he had done something, anything sufficiently good ever and-

-he caught the girl's cellphone before she ever noticed it had slid out of her hands. And soon enough he was getting hugged and receiving many 'thank you's and- and maybe that was enough?

*The Lost One's Weeping (English Cover) - Will Stetson (TW   Depression) Martin Ambrosius (Merlin)

And no matter how much time passes us by, We’re drunk on sweet and hypnotic lies. With all our sources of hardened pride We try to erase and hide now

Martin would always act indignant at the question, and would always reply with a 'I am under no obligation to use my magic to explain or prove anything to the likes of you'.

He was Merlin's blood, for fuck's sake! He didn't have anyone to prove anything to save for maybe the Once and Future King himself!

Oh how he hoped, deep, deep inside, that he would never wake, that he would never ask any questions, that he would never do anything but keep dreaming his mythical dream and let him live his unmagic life.

He was a showman, he loved smoke and light and mirrors, he could fool anyone, anytime -but he knew that wouldn't be enough if (when) the time came, that the Once and Future King would need an actual advisor, an actual wizard.

He prayed that day never came to pass.

*When you're evil - Aurelio Voltaire Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

It gets so lonely being evil What I'd do to see a smile Even for a little while And no one loves you when you're evil I'm lying through my teeth! Your tears are all the company I need

"Ah, Perry the Platypus! Don't shake too much or you'll make the laser sharks angry and- no, hey! the insurance doesn't cover laser damage to the roo- yeah, that's better thank you. You might be wondering what this is all about- you see, noone has decided to play ME so far so- BEHOLD, THE HEINZ DOOFEN-INATOR! (patent pending) WITH THIS DEVICE I SHALL HIJACK ONE UNLUCKY ROLEPLAYER'S DRAFTS AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY CONSUME THE WHOLE THING THEN THE OTHER POSTS ON THE DASH, THEN THE WHOLE BEING DISNEY PAGE, THEN- HEY! HEY, DON'T DO THA- I'M NOT DONE WITH MY EVIL MONOLOGUE!"

*DEAD HAND - anakin ft. IA English (Ferry Cover)  (TW  Nuclear Warfare mention) Major Francis Monogram

Oh this is overwhelming, time for the iron curtain call The panic is seeping through the fractured border wall My livid heart powers this reactor core “Oh this is all wrong” but I don’t mind at all Turn up the volume, execute the protocol You know it’s M.A.D. and it’s all about to blow What an unfortunate way to end this show I shed a tear as you vanish in the snow

Francis had zero interest in dealing with anyone's shit (save for his own or his son's, that is) ever again; He'd done his time and the whole thing during the fucking Cold War had done a number on his nerves.

He still could remember how all seemed lost, an adequately mad situation (of Mutually Assured Destruction, that is) had come to pass and everyone in the HQ was losing his mind and running around like a bunch of headless chickens-

-until he very calmly pressed a couple of buttons and the thing was ok once more. Some people cried, some people laughed, some people shouted.

(Dramatic bitches, all of them. They didn't have to cause a scene just because of the fucking coffee machine)

That was one of many situations that made him love his retirement and not want to let go of it.

*Gasoline - Halsey (Captain) John Silver

You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

'Phantom limb pain' sounded way cooler than it actually was. Silver would rather call it 'a pain in the ass' any day, but that'd be a misnomer since what hurt was his stupid (lack of) arm and not his ass and he was not risking some smartass trying to make a joke about his butt, thank you very fucking much.

Like, fuck, 'phantom pain' could be a sick name for a metal (heh) band. And hiding things inside his prosthetic was one of the few perks the whole thing offered, just like the fact that he could smack people with the thing without having to bother about hurting himself or dealing with that pain.

However, during that cold night he couldn't think of any possitives about the damned thing and cursed his rotten luck, his (lack of) arm and the thoughts that came along with them.

[buttercreamfrostedmurdercake]

SLS UPDATE!!!

That’s right! I ended up getting a series of ketamine infusions to pull me out of the nosedive my mood went through (like, just SO bad and getting worse for months and months). It did ~AMAZING~ things for my depression. I’m still struggling with my anxiety but I’ve gotten some of my meds back that were helping me so much (and was basically what helped me focus enough to write SLS in the first place) and things are looking up for the first time in more than 6 months.

So not a particularly inspiring or happy update, but it does mean I’ve been able to write more SLS. I skipped ahead to the end in order to try and motivate myself (Claire and Lex’s fight is still challenging the extent of my dialog skills, and conflict-triggered anxiety, but I’ve been practicing every day on my personal WIPs) and I’ve now got a rough draft of the epilogue!

Whoo! Progress! My epilogue is some 5.5K, just in case anyone was concerned that I had found some brevity or learned to distill my thoughts in my absence. NOPE. It’s pretty much one big spoiler about how I plan to end things so I could post it if anyone is interested, but I’m not going to spoil things for people who are just hoping I haven’t abandoned it. My plan right now is to dig out my old outlines and character studies to immerse myself back in the world. My themes and major beats are still intact, but I‘ve lost sight of how I planned the major events of the third chapter.

So if you’re concerned about SLS, never fear, I might have an update soon. Like maybe this year. Perhaps even before the one-year anniversary of the first chapter. (‘-’*)

Oh man, I’m so sorry to the people who read 20K only to hit a major cliffhanger and will probably not want to delve back in an re-read 20K just to understand the (planned) 40K second chapter (which will end on another cliffhanger). I love you subscribers. I promise, I won’t give up. I’ve read hundred of hours of Smallville fic and I owe it to the giants that came before me to add to the fandom (no matter how dead it is *cries*).

Me: Adding a few thousand words here and there on personal WIPs not meant to be shared while studiously ignoring my languishing published project. Also me in the sudden absence of major, unmanageable depression:

[quandongcrumble]

Writer meme thingy

tagged by @starlanellwrites

What is your total posted word count on AO3? (Go to your Works, then click Statistics.)

63,403 -- however I’d have probably near 100k of abandoned or unfinished fic sitting on my Evernote, iphone notes, & google docs.

How often do you write?

Very sporadically. Sometimes I get a good streak up and I’ll write daily for a while, and then I won’t even look at my writing for 6 months.

Do you have a routine for writing?

Nope. I should, because I’ve seen how productive people with routines are, but I’m terrified that I’ll just sit and stare at a blank page and then my anxiety will get the better of me, and writing won’t be fun because I’ll be all panicky about it and then... yeah... despite some brilliant antidepressants / anti anxiety meds I still have issues about putting pressure on myself.

What’s your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Wow... that’s difficult.

I’m a multishipper and adore all sorts of pairings, however my favourites are Rhodey/Tony and Fenders. My thing is I’ll fixate on a character more than a ship, and then I’ll read every ship with that character involved. Current fixations are Tony Stark (Marvel) & Anders (Dragon Age). I also fixate on original characters within a fandom universe, but @s-hylor and my fiance are pretty much the only people who gets to read those.

Kinks -- I’m a major sucker for BDSM, especially the masochism and submission parts. I live vicariously through fic because I’m kinky as all get out, but my fiance is about as vanilla as it gets. I guess that was TMI but really, the question was about kinks :P

Tropes -- Oh gawd, all of them. Fake relationship with mutual pining is a huge favourite. Enemies to friends to lovers. Fuck-buddies to lovers. Found family. But then I also love the friends to lovers trope where they’re just so in love with each other and everyone knows it, but it takes them a while to realise.

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

I like almost everything I’ve posted, but there’s three that I am excessively proud of.

Promises [x] -- Rhodey/Tony gentle established relationship smutfic I wrote for the glorious @notfknapplicable after we’d known each other on here for a while. Due to our long tumblr relationship and my obsession with her fics, I managed to hit just about every one of her kinks for that relationship with it... pretty proud of that.

It goes like this (just like heroin) [x] -- on again off again Rhodey/Tony that explores Tony’s trouble with addiction through Rhodey’s eyes from the early years through to the end of Iron Man 2. I fucking love this fic. It’s the only one I have insisted on sharing with people outside of fandom. I just... it’s in an experimental style and I actually wrote it all in one glorious evening, in probably just a couple of hours. It’s probably the one I re-read the most.

Beyond Recourse [x] -- Greg/Tony omgdirtybadwrong twincest fic. Is it weird to be proud of a twincest fic? Doesn’t matter, I am. I feel like I captured a heck of a lot of feelings in this one, as well as some hot love/hate sex.

Your fic with the most kudos?

Promises (linked above) has the most. Coming in second is Lazy Light of Morning [x] which is a morning sex smut fic I wrote for @s-hylor.

I don’t have that many smut fics in comparison to non-smut, but the smut seems to be popular.

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

My fickle muse? I don’t know. I think I go mildly out of character a lot, but that doesn’t bother me as much as it should. I feel like a lot of my stuff is a bit same-y, like I can’t get an individual voice for characters that other people manage to do... I don’t know. I think I probably put too much of myself into the character I identify most with.

Now something you do like?

When things are flowing, I can get some serious writing done. I’ve knocked out 10k words in a couple of days before (unfortunately, muse for that fic died so it’s a 10k beginning languishing in my drafts). I feel like I have a poetic way with words that can evoke a lot of imagery. I like when I succeed at hinting what the non-POV character is feeling without the POV character explicitly noticing or accepting it.

Tagging.... @dovabunny, @s-hylor, ummmmm @bonzai-bunny, & @phoenixfalls and anyone else who wants to do it. Please tag me so I can read your answers :)