#this was incredibly self indulgent but i hope other people take comfort in it too | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

penny00dreadful · 1 year ago

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Crossroads

So I was hoping to get some more Return of the King or Somebody to Love out but these antibiotics are burning a hole through my stomach so I needed something incredibly self indulgent for my own comfort.

Some warnings up front: this is a reincarnation AU so there will be character death. But they do come back, I promise. Apparently my comfort involves a fuckton of angst and devastation so there's that too 🤷‍♀️ but I make it better, I promise. This is a heavy one guys, so take care of yourselves.

Now with beautiful cover art by @subbaculture

AO3 Link

Steve kept his voice low and soft.

Comforting.

Respectful.

He gently gestured the small group of mourners through to the viewing room, content to stand like a sentry in the back, there if they needed him but invisible otherwise in his plain black suit and glasses with his hands folded in front of him after double, triple checking his phone was on silent.

Death was an old friend to him now, though it had taken him a very, very long time to see it that way. Maybe that’s why he’d chosen the profession he had. Becoming a mortician wasn’t something many people actively worked towards since their teen years, unless they were already in the family but it just felt right to Steve.

He hadn’t been taken seriously at the start. He was young. Very young to be in this line of work. Currently in his early thirties and still fifteen years the junior of most funeral directors in the country.

But he was good at what he did. How could he not be? He’d seen more death than any other human alive.

He’d spent so long trying to fight death and losing every time that death no longer felt unsettling to him anymore. It was a fact of life.

Unavoidable.

So he made it his business to ease the crossing from one life to the other, for both the living and the dead and they tried to meet the needs of as many religions, as many traditions, as many practices as they could, both new and old.

They’d spearheaded more eco-friendly and green practices and with the recent rise of neo-paganism and wicca and worship of the Old Gods, they tried to be as accommodating as possible.

If the Steve from all that time ago, still on his first go around and organising the single most devastating funeral he’d ever experienced, could see him now, the Steve whose hands shook as he washed and anointed him with oils, the Steve who was so consumed by despair and fury as he placed the coin in his mouth with one last kiss…

He was pretty sure that Steve of old would have been enraged at his calm acceptance of death in any form.

But this Steve had grown. After all this time. Maybe it had taken him too long. Maybe he hadn’t grown in time, hadn’t grown quick enough to break it.

His Curse, he had taken to calling it.

But that had been when he was a broken and angry man. Now he saw that it had been less of a Curse and more of an Opportunity.

But it had taken him so long to pull himself from his spiral of devastation and anger and as a result he’d squandered that Opportunity.

It had been too late by the time he’d let any humility in.

So this was it now. This was his life and though he’d never be truly happy again, not without him… he was calm.

He was as centred as he could be.

He’d accepted his Fate.

Steve glanced up at the sound of a woman’s sob, ready to step forward if he needed to. The woman, Marion, he remembered, ended up being soothed softly by her sons, Jeremy and Killian. Their fathers death hadn’t been sudden, Walter had been sick for a while but that didn’t make it any less devastating for the three. They’d be okay. They were strong together, Steve thought, loving. Funerals were often make or break for families but these three at least, would pull through.

Steve loved what he did, strange as it was. He loved being able to bring comfort to the living during their hardest times. Helping them to say goodbye and hopefully get some closure.

Closure that he himself had rarely had.

Having that person one day then… they’re gone the next.

He wanted to bring that closure to people.

The room was exploding in flowers, both as a show of love from the deceased's family and a kindness from Crossroads Funeral Home, to try to cover up the smell of Robin's embalming work and to quietly bring some beauty to the room.

Robin.

Pretty much the only good thing that had come from that previous Life.

She'd followed him to this one after they had both died, side by side, dragging Vecna/Henry/One back into the Rainbow Room with the last of their energy and locking everyone else outside before the explosion could go off on the cold night of New Years 1987.

She didn't know it, of course, no one did. No one ever remembered except for Steve. But she knew there was something between them. Some strange string of Fate that connected them. He didn’t know how he’d survived so long without her.

She'd told him once that he looked old. He'd snorted and pushed her away, sitting on that dirty bathroom floor in their comical sailors costumes but she just shook her head.

I meant, like, you don't look old. It's your eyes Steve. They're… they're ancient. Like this isn't your first go around, you know?

He did know. God, did he know. He’d been in a cycle of life and death, life and death, on and on for over two and a half thousand years.

That first Life had been good. Fantastic, even. Two men living together and keeping the same bed wasn’t unheard of at the time. It wasn’t the done thing but it wasn’t something that brought them the hatred of their neighbours.

It was seen as more of an eccentricity than anything.

In later years, in later Lives, they’d have to learn the hard way to hide. But for now, they were happy. They were content.

Steve would accompany Eddie to visit Her temple at the entrance to Thessaly though he never much bothered with worship himself. He never much cared for Heracles or Zeus or Demeter or Atlas. He had everything he ever needed standing beside him.

Though Eddie would often jab him with some kind of teasing comment about how Eros had come for him specifically through Steve, waxing poetic about his moles or the line of his shoulders, often loudly and in public with that terrible cheeky grin of his that Steve was just forced to kiss off his face.

And if it wasn’t Eros then it was Helios inhabiting his eyes or his hair or his skin with the light of the sun.

Everything had been so good.

Steve didn’t think he’d ever been so happy just living.

But they hadn’t had enough time.

Barely seven years they’d had together before death came to tear them apart and vengeance buried itself deep in Steve’s blood.

When it all started, when Eddie lay feverish and dying in their shared bed from an infected bite, Steve had gone to Her.

It was the first time he’d ever given much of a shit about the gods and he didn’t know much about any of them to start with. But he knew Her. He’d listened to Eddie as he’d spoken about the strange feeling he had, the weird connection he felt to Her. He’d watched as Eddie had placed little food offerings of grapes and nuts at their little household altar for Her. He’d seen Eddie find a weird rock or shell or odd trinket and it was always a toss up as to whether it would be placed into Steve’s hand or on Her shrine.

He even wore Her strophalos around his neck.

Hecate.

She was a strange deity for Eddie to focus his dedication to. Her temple was mostly women but Eddie had always been a bit eccentric.

Sorcery, witchcraft, necromancy, the moon, ghosts, gravesites, the night and crossroads. All the things She watched over. All things that were just so Eddie.

Of course he felt a kinship with Her.

Steve’s weird and wonderful freak.

When it happened… Steve had been incandescent with rage and desolation and wanted the world to bend to his will as a consequence of it. He’d been ready to tear everything apart.

His despair had crawled up on him in those last few days, sitting at Eddie’s bedside, watching his love slowly fade away.

Once the infection took hold, Eddie wasn’t really there anymore. He was in and out of consciousness, muttering nonsense and barely able to register anything around him.

Steve spoke to him constantly, holding his hand, stroking his hair but Eddie never responded, not coherently anyway.

They didn’t get to say goodbye. They didn't get any last ‘I love you’s’, they got nothing.

The only time Steve had left his side was to beg and plead and offer himself up at the small household altar. He told Her he’d give anything She asked, make anything She wanted to happen happen, She just had to save him. But like always, She stayed silent. No sign, no movement, no feeling, not even a gust of wind.

But when had the gods ever paid attention?

There was a reason he’d never worshipped. It never brought them anything.

When Eddie died, Steve had refused to let anyone else come in and perform the funeral rites. Eddie was his and his alone, no one else had the right to wash his body, to anoint him, to carefully place the wreath over his head.

Tradition could get fucked.

He had lost his whole world, so everyone else could deal with the consequences.

Steve had kissed him one last time after he had placed the coin in his mouth. He’d debated the coin heavily with himself.

If he didn’t pay the Ferryman, maybe Eddie could come back?

But in the end, common sense won out. He couldn’t keep Eddie trapped like that. He’d never forgive himself.

By then his rage had settled into something cold and constant in his gut.

He would get Eddie back.

If he had to climb to the top of Mt. Olympus himself to demand it, he would.

After the burial, he stood in the street outside Her temple, watching with a half drunk bottle of wine in hand. He wanted Her to know he was coming. He wanted Her to know he was a damn force to be reckoned with.

How dare She ignore him.

How dare She allow him to be taken.

How dare She not give him back.

Eddie was his.

And he was Eddie’s.

How dare She.

He didn’t know how long he stood there before he walked inside.

He wasn’t supposed to be here.

It was forbidden. He shouldn’t have even thought about it. He’d been touched by death, it had entered his house and he would be unwelcome anywhere holy for at least a year, lest his miasma spread to the precious gods.

Funny how they claimed to be all powerful but shrunk away from the air of death that hung around the mortals left behind by loved ones.

Fucking cowards.

People tried to stop him from coming inside, of course they did. Everyone knew of his loss, his rage, his determination. He’d screamed so loud when Eddie had died, the sound had practically stretched through the entire town. They were all so loyal to the gods who couldn’t give a flying fuck about any of them.

As soon as he stepped over the threshold, the worshipers cowered away from him. The Priestesses fled, as though the taboo of the touch of death in this sacred space could somehow infect them.

He had managed to fling Her offerings to the floor and tear a small statue from its pedestal before he was dragged back outside.

The people on the streets gave him a wide berth in the weeks after that. He’d disrespected a goddess and no one wanted to get caught in the crossfire.

But fuck Her.

Let Her be pissed off.

She’d taken everything from him.

Steve felt like he was adrift. He spent hours every day at Eddie’s grave, barely able to exist away from him for long. And whenever he wasn’t there he was at home, in the dark, lying on Eddie’s side of the bed slowly dancing in between unbearable waves of sadness and crawling, festering anger.

The anger he felt was… it was poisonous. Sometimes he felt like he couldn’t breathe for how furious he was.

Physicians were sent to him and were all extremely alarmed at how out of balance his humours were. His Yellow Bile was in extreme excess and they desperately advised him of what he needed to do to become balanced again, but Steve didn’t want anything less.

He needed to stay angry.

His legs were carrying him to Her crossroads before he even knew where he was going.

It was the dead of night and the only thing lighting the intersection up was a single torch burning bright, hanging off a pole in the ground, illuminating up the three faces of Her statue.

She stood like a sentry watching and waiting carefully to make sure travellers made it across safely. A small gathering of offerings stood at the bottom of the statue and Steve had a sudden urge to burn them.

He wrenched the torch down from where it hung and thrust it at Her feet, catching the wreaths and flowers and fruit and small hand carved figurines worshipers and travellers had left behind in deference.

It did nothing to quell the rage within him so he swung back around, prepared to bury the charred and desecrated remains right in the centre, to send a goddamn sign straight to Her heart if he had to.

But as he straightened up he was forced to recoil in shock as the head of the statue had turned. She seemed to stand taller now. She had been of a height with him when he started. Now She loomed over him, glaring down at him with such ferocity he could feel it down to his very core.

But he refused to back down now, he couldn’t.

She was finally paying attention.

“Give him back.” He growled at Her. Her face didn’t move, She stayed as still as stone. Maybe She was still stone, he hadn’t actually seen Her move after all.

And angry wind blew through the crossroads, nearly snuffing out the torch Steve still held in his hand.

She didn’t speak to him but Her words were clear.

He is not mine to give back.

“You’re fucking right. He’s not yours. He’s mine. You had no right to take him.”

Something hissed behind him and Steve whipped around with the torch that almost seemed to phase, one into two into one again.

At the centre of the crossroads, slowly writhing and coiling about itself sat a giant serpent, its crystalline amber eyes burning through him. It was much bigger than it should have been, as thick as one of his arms and so long Steve couldn’t see its tail extending back into the darkness beyond.

I did not take him. She hissed, extending a forked tongue.

Steve swallowed, trying to stop the oil from the double-single torch dripping onto his hand and burning him but also keeping an eye on the giant creature in front of him, taking a shaky step back, heart beating furiously through his chest both from fear and all encompassing rage.

“I don’t believe that. He loved you and you did nothing to stop his crossing!” He spat back at the viper.

The dark was so close around him now, closer than it had been, though the single-double torch still burned as bright as ever.

The crossroads felt completely separated from everything else on earth at that moment, like he was on an island afloat in the darkness.

A low rumbling growl reverberated through the air behind him, sending another spike of fear up through Steve’s spine and forcing him to turn, trying to keep one eye on the giant snake and another on the behemoth of a creature that was slowly stalking towards him on the opposite side.

The dog was huge. It’s snout just about level with Steve’s shoulder, with teeth bared, head low and an angry look in its eye.

That is not my domain. She snapped at him with a gnashing of Her teeth.

“Then make it your domain!” He snapped back, baring his own teeth in kind.

He took another step back, away from the two creatures but was frozen to a stop as a great gust of air was exhaled onto the back of his neck and through his hair.

Turning again, he was backed into the centre of the crossroads as a great and powerful horse approached, towering over him. It did not glare or snap but simply observed.

Steve was now surrounded by Her on three sides, the writhing serpent, the gnashing dog and the stoic horse all slowly closing in on him.

The horse tilted its head, almost curiously.

If you have not earned your penance by the time I am worshipped again, you will bring your end to the both of you.

“Wh-what?” Steve was still trying to strike with anger but the roiling terror was starting to take hold, especially as Her three avatars slowly closed in. “What does that mean?!”

She didn’t answer and Steve knew in his soul the conversation was over. He’d signed his warrant by searching Her out in the first place and whatever happened now, he just hoped it brought him back to Eddie, somehow.

He felt the snake coil itself around his neck, he felt the teeth of the dog in his stomach and the crack of a hoof against the side of his head before everything went dark.

Steve was fifteen in his second Life before things really started to make sense. Because ever since he’d hit puberty he had all these memories that didn’t belong to him.

Or he thought they didn’t belong to him.

His parents thought he was some kind of Seer. He thought so too until one day four years later. He’d been hired as a private and exclusive Seer to a local wealthy politician who Steve suspected just preferred to look at him, rather than have him divine anything.

But they’d been travelling for days to a neighbouring city to marry his daughter off to some young aristocrat or other when their party came upon a familiar crossroad.

The place had changed in the twenty years since he’d last stepped foot here in his previous Life, where he’d sealed his Fate. He could feel it in his bones.

Her statues had been replaced with finer, more intricate and detailed reliefs. The offerings towered high, stretching out into the road itself, like the people here knew this place had been touched by Her.

Everything came back to him tenfold. All the anger, all the devastation, all the bargaining and rage and loss hit him like it had happened only yesterday.

What the fuck was he doing here? Following around some fat, over-indulgent, lecherous old man, spitting nonsense at him like that would help his political decisions?

That’s not what he was here for. He was here to find his Eddie.

Steve didn’t even know if he could find him. Is that how Hecate had punished him for disrespecting Her so much? To relive his life again but without him this time?

Didn’t matter.

If Eddie was here, he’d find him.

And he did find him.

Betrothed to his Master's daughter.

Of course.

But their wedding would never happen. He stole Eddie away with him into the night. As soon as they had laid eyes on each other the decision had been made. They had to have each other, no matter the consequences.

And the consequences did come for them. Thirteen years later they were finally caught and Steve had been forced to watch Eddie die again. They’d been sentenced to death by banishment.

The downsides of pissing off a politician with a grudge.

They’d been starved out, stripped of everything but the clothes on their backs and dumped out into the wilderness.

Eddie had died first of exposure to the cold and the only mercy Steve found in that was that he followed soon after.

He learned pretty soon in his following Lives to be a bit more careful when seeking Eddie out, trying to keep him as safe as possible.

Because Steve remembered everything.

Eddie remembered nothing.

Each new Life was a fresh start for him.

But it didn’t really matter how careful Steve had tried to be. Tragedy and devastation always came for them. And it always came for Eddie first.

He thought sometimes that maybe things would have been different if he’d tried to get Eddie back through Hades, or Thanatos or Atropos. But then again, they probably would have taken his desecration of their shrines much more seriously. Maybe Eddie’s connection to Hecate had been a kindness.

Throughout his various Lives, Steve had died almost every way it was possible to die. He’d been executed, fatally injured, succumbed to sickness, fallen victim to accidents and even died of old age a few times.

Eddie usually died too soon. Way too soon. But Steve wasn’t sure if that was just his own perception of things. No amount of time with him would ever be enough, so any time death came for him seemed too soon.

So maybe he wasn’t dying unusually early just because Steve was there.

But it certainly felt like it.

Once Eddie died, Steve usually followed not long after.

And then he'd be born again. Sometimes nine months later, sometimes years and years later, often in another country, another part of the world.

He’d seen hundreds of years of history pass him by.

He knew where Cleopatra was buried (with extreme disrespect), he knew what happened at the Library of Alexandria (it wasn't burned to the ground), he'd been to the Hanging Gardens of Babylon (estimated location was about 200 miles off where people thought), he knew what had happened to The Princes in The Tower (they hadn't survived five minutes once the door closed), he spoken and forgotten ancient languages and text, he'd been in moments of history again and again.

Each of Eddie’s deaths felt like dying to Steve. Each and every one.

Some were gentle.

Some were not.

In some Lives Steve never even knew what happened to him.

In some, by the time Steve found him, Eddie would already have a family around him. Some strange amalgamation of outcasts and ‘undesirables’. Sometimes he’d have a wife or a husband at his side and some children of his own.

Steve could never bring himself to get in between those relationships. Yes, Eddie was his. But only when he chose to be.

Regardless of Eddie’s choice, Steve would always belong to him.

And if that had to be as a friend, then so be it.

He just wanted Eddie to be happy.

Because he knew intimately all the ways it could end for him.

Steve had seen him sentenced to transportation for life to Australia, just reaching the dock as the vessel was on the horizon, disappearing soon after and Steve would never see him in that Life again.

He’d seen him starving and pale boarding a coffin ship during The Hunger, just slipping out of his grip before he could get to him. Eddie had never made it to Quebec.

Steve had seen Eddie hanged and stabbed and shot. He’d died beside him in battle.

He’d seen him fade from sickness and his own grief at the loss of all of his children during the Black Death.

Eddie had died in almost as many ways as Steve had and Steve had to bear witness to most of them.

The worst of all of them had been in 1602 in a tiny village on the edge of the Holy Roman Empire.

It was early in the morning. They’d been asleep in bed, curled around each other when their door was kicked in. Steve had been as prepared as he could be. He was always prepared now. It had been two thousand years at this stage and he was always ready for anything.

Well, almost anything.

He’d snatched up his sword without a second thought and swung. He was the most skilled combatant in the world, hundreds of years of training and discipline in some of the best armies, under some of the best commanders history had to offer. It allowed him to cut down three of the men before Eddie could even untangle himself from their blankets.

But no amount of skill could help him when he was overpowered and outnumbered.

Something had cracked him hard over the back of the head and everything had gone dark before he could raise his sword again.

He didn’t know how long it was before he came to, but when he did he almost wished he could go back to blissful darkness.

Almost.

Because Eddie was struggling, tied to a wooden beam on a small platform in the centre of the town with kindling being tossed at his feet and a long list of heresy charges and accusations of witchcraft being called out to the gathered townspeople.

Everything was still foggy, like his brain was being filtered through a slow fed sieve. His movements were sluggish and broken and he couldn’t break free. He was being held on his knees, on his own platform with a guard on either side.

Things were still fading in and out for him as he tried to shove the guards away and fought to loosen the bonds around his wrists, tying his hands behind his back.

Steve’s head was wrenched upwards by his hair as the first torch set the kindling under Eddie ablaze.

His gaze locked with Eddie’s, his wide, brown, beautiful eyes were tear streaked and terrified as he screamed out for him through the rapidly thickening haze, coughing and spluttering as he tried desperately not to breathe in the suffocating grey-black smoke.

The cry that Steve let out was one filled with millennia of fury and anguish as he snapped the ropes around his wrists clean away and reached over, unsheathing one of the guards swords and beheading the two of them before they could even blink.

He cut his way through the crowd, completely uncaring if it was civilian, soldier, guard or religious figure who stood in his way. If they didn’t move, they were removed.

Steve threw himself up on top of the pyre, ignoring any pain that came from the stifling heat and burning wood below him as he cut Eddie's limp body down and threw them both off the side.

But it was too late and Eddie was gone again.

Steve turned his cold eyes back on the crowd who were now standing back, regarding him with apprehension and fear as he slowly got to his feet and twirled the sword in his hand.

That town wouldn’t be found on any modern map. He’d obliterated it.

He’d let the streets run red and razed it to the ground.

It would never be remembered.

History never knew it existed.

He’d made sure of it.

Something in that Life had broken Steve irrevocably. Something had cracked. Doubt began to seep in. He started to worry that this cycle would never end.

This was the worst kind of punishment.

It was a punishment he’d not only doomed himself to, but he’d doomed Eddie too.

With each Life his soul felt heavier and heavier.

Until it all came to a head in Hawkins.

Being Steve Harrington, babysitter extraordinaire and ex-King of Hawkins High had been… easy at first. He’d been born into wealth this time which was always a relief. He didn’t have to scrape and slog just to eat or put a roof over his head but wealth had its own shackles, its own chains.

Expectation and duty and honour. That always travelled in wealth, no matter the century.

Add that onto the crushing weight of his Curse, the deal at the crossroads he’d made with Her… it wasn’t the worst Life he’d ever lived but it wasn’t the smoothest either.

Because the Life in Hawkins was the first Life he had ever lived where he made the choice not to find Eddie.

It should have been simple.

It should have been the simplest thing he’d ever done. Born, live, die in the same small town.

And Eddie would stay safe.

Live a long and happy life, wherever he’d been born into.

Steve had scoured the town out of the corner of his eye as soon as his memories came back to him but was able to breathe a sigh of relief when he couldn’t find hide nor hair of him.

Because if he wasn’t here, if he wasn’t around Steve, maybe he wouldn’t die tragically this time.

But it was almost as if the universe heard his sigh of relief.

Almost like She had.

Because a year later when Steve was thirteen, a miserable boy with a buzzed head and giant, defiant brown eyes turned up at school.

He’d be living in the town now.

Steve couldn’t escape him.

He could run away, get as far away as a bus would carry him and hope he wouldn’t be brought back, but he knew he’d never be able to. He’d seen Eddie now, so trying to physically separate himself would be like trying to rip his own arm off.

So no, he couldn’t escape him.

But he could ignore him.

If he couldn’t put physical distance between them, he’d keep the emotional distance as much as it killed him to do it.

He was growing crazy with it by the time he was sixteen and he thought…

Maybe he could try something else?

Nancy was as much of an Eddie look alike as it was possible to get. He hadn’t even realised that that was why he’d picked her. It hadn’t been a conscious decision.

But if he was going to let Eddie go, he could allow himself to have the next best thing.

Up until Tommy and Carol and Barb and the pool.

He couldn’t… he couldn’t do it.

It made him feel disgusting.

It felt so disloyal to do anything with anyone else. He never had. He’d never wanted to. He still didn’t want to, he realised.

Eddie wasn’t his in this Life.

Eddie had never been his to dictate decisions over anyway.

But Steve was Eddie’s.

In every Life, in every iteration, Steve belonged to Eddie.

Whether Eddie knew it or not.

So no, he couldn’t go through with it, with Nancy. She was a lovely girl but she wasn’t him.

Steve had only ever belonged to one person and he would only ever belong to that person.

And he was okay with that, he realised.

Nancy was a bit surprised that he’d stopped but understood well enough in the end.

All of that was swiftly forgotten about though, when they heard Barb scream from outside and had to pull her from the jaws of some otherworldly demon.

Steve had thought he’d seen everything the world had to offer but he’d never seen anything like this.

War was no stranger to Steve, he knew it well.

He and Eddie had fought side by side many times whenever Fate had pushed them in that direction, most memorably in The Sacred Band on Steve’s second or third Life. They’d actually survived long enough to retire from that troop and had another ten years together before death came for Eddie again.

Throughout time Steve had fought using an aspis, a gladius Hispaniensis, a Hallstatt sword, then maces, glaives and longbows. He fought as a knight in plate and then with canons and bayonets before getting his hands on an SMLE and then an M1 Garand.

But this war was different to every one he’d fought in the past. There was no phalanx, no column, no cavalry. Just vicious mindless monsters, a handful of kids and teenagers and one super powered child.

Steve fought that war like he’d fought every other one in his long life, with reckless abandon, trying to keep his charges safe and most importantly, trying to keep Eddie safe.

Eddie was a musician in this Life, like he so often was and he was going to go far. He was talented. He was beautiful. He had so much life in him.

Steve was going to make sure Eddie got there if it killed him.

Again.

He’d let him get as far away as possible and maybe, just maybe Eddie would live the life he deserved.

But that hadn’t happened.

Like the universe, like She had heard Steve’s silent pleas again, the two of them had been shoved together under the most apocalyptic of circumstances. Like it was all one last test of Steve’s resolve. To see if he could stay away. To see if he could let Eddie go. Allow him to look at him with those big, beautiful eyes and smile his devastatingly pretty smile and light up like a live wire in Steve’s space with so much energy and passion Steve felt like he was caving in on himself.

If he could let Eddie be, if he could avoid reaching out, if he could stop himself from ruining Eddie once again then maybe Eddie would be allowed to live. The Curse would be broken.

And he thought he had succeeded.

He felt something snap in him, something break, something release.

So he thought he’d done it.

But then he’d made it back to the trailer to find blood. Blood and torn flesh and bubbling breath and one last whispered “Stevie?” before Eddie’s endless brown eyes went dull.

And Steve was done.

He couldn’t do it anymore.

He’d walked to the crossroads just outside his house and screamed that he was done. It was over. She’d won.

He didn’t get an answer.

He didn’t expect one.

So he went into that Rainbow Room with Robin convinced this was his last Life. Ready for it to be over. For good.

Almost wishing for it.

But he’d been born again in 1992 and now?

Well now he had learned to just exist.

To just be.

And to find whatever contentment he could.

He had his business. He had Robin. So he was… okay.

And that was okay.

Robin stuck her hands in her pockets as she stood in the cold of the morgue, watching Steve close everything up for the evening.

“I don’t want to go.”

“You have to go, Birdie. You need to break up with her.”

Robin sighed, long and heavy. “God, I know. Can’t you do it for me?”

“For the last time, no. Break up with her over text if you have to. She deserves shitty treatment. Fuck her.”

“I can’t. She’ll refuse to accept it. She’ll keep showing up and insisting it never happened and then she’ll throw the mother of all fits when I try to tell her it did happen!”

“So that’s why you’re taking her out to dinner? So she has to listen?”

“And we’ll be in public. So she can’t cause a scene.”

Steve scoffed. “That’s never stopped her before,” he muttered to himself but raised his voice again at Robin's scowl. “That’s all very red flag behaviour, Birdie.”

“Yes I know Steven, thank you. Why do you think I’m breaking up with her?”

“Okay.” He gave the door to the morgue one last tug, making sure it was locked up tight. “No dead bodies are escaping from me tonight. Call me after?” He jabbed his finger up to the ceiling and behind, in the direction of his house, tucked away at the back of the business, separated and hidden from sight by a line of trees.

“I can’t believe you still own a landline. Who even has a landline anymore?”

Steve shrugged but grinned at her still. “I’m old fashioned.”

“Whatever. Okay. I’m gone. Wish me luck!” Robin called back as she bounced her way up the stairs.

“Good luck!” He shouted after her. “Let me know if you need my assassination skills!”

“You’ve never killed anything bigger than a spider, babe!” The sound of the front door closing was the only thing she left behind to punctuate her statement.

Steve frowned. “Never killed anything bigger than a spider,” he mimicked as he trudged back upstairs, grumbling, “I’ve taken on the damn Mongols, never killed anything bigger than a spider, pshh.”

He continued to mutter to himself as he walked through, switching off the lights before making his way outside to lock up the front door.

He had just given the door one last tug when he heard a voice behind him, speaking in a language he hadn’t heard in over two millennia.

“I’ve been looking for you, my sunshine.”

Steve swiped around, scarcely daring to believe what he was hearing but there he was.

Eddie stood in front of him, ripped up black jeans, black cons, long curly dark hair and a yellow sweater that looked like something Steve had worn in the 80’s.

All Steve could do was breathe out his name. “Eddie.”

Eddie smiled at him, a warm, gentle, pretty thing that filled Steve’s heart and made it ache all at once.

“What… what do you-?”

“I remember everything, sweetheart.” Eddie stepped forward, only stopping when they were toe to toe.

“Everything?” Steve could scarcely believe it. Wouldn’t dare believe it if it wasn’t for the strophalos symbol hanging around his neck.

“Everything.” He nodded, placing a hand at either side of Steve’s face. “You came for me. Every single Life. You were there. I figure it’s about time I return the favour.”

A laugh burst out of Steve without his permission but it was really more of a sob than anything as he raised his own hands to encircle Eddie’s wrists.

“What does this mean?” He whispered, terrified that too loud a noise, too sudden a movement would shatter everything. “What does this mean for us?”

“It means it’s broken, baby.” Eddie touched their foreheads together and said, with scarcely a breath between their lips, “It means you have me. And I have you. Forever.”

And Steve was so scared. So scared that it wouldn’t stick, that it would all change the second he closed his eyes but he couldn’t deny he could feel it. Deep down in his soul he could feel that he was free.

Steve nudged himself forward, just barely a hair but it was enough to bring them together, it was enough to kiss and it was only at that moment he realised he hadn’t kissed Eddie in decades.

Since before Hawkins.

It was like electricity had shot through him, his whole body, his mind, his soul had been aching, craving, needing Eddie's touch and it was like he could breathe again with it.

When their kiss broke neither of them pulled away, they continued to hold each other, to hug, pressed flush with arms tight around each other and Steve didn’t think he’d ever be able to let go.

Yeah. Forever sounded pretty good.

I am not a particularly religious or spiritual person but when I tell you I felt seen as I was writing this know that I am not exaggerating 😅 it was less that I felt watched, more that I felt observed.

I shit you not when this idea popped into my head, Hecate started appearing everywhere. On my podcasts, in my YouTube videos, my tiktoks, on the radio, in conversation at work... Everywhere.

Being Irish living in Ireland I'm surrounded by mythology and legends and stories and paganism all the time so that did fuel some of my interest. I follow a good number of pagans and wiccans on social media and I know a few in real life too so I tried my best to be as respectful to their beliefs as I could in my depictions.

This has been my most researched fic to date. The amount I read for this was intense. Funeral rites in Ancient Greece, as much as I could read on Hecate, how funerals work in America because apparently the Irish do things very differently to the rest of you?? The greatest mysteries in history, millennia of military tactics, the intricacies of the Greek Gods... just so much stuff! And it was fun!

ALSO The Sacred Band! Holy shit! The Sacred Band was a specific troop of soldiers in Ancient Greece composed completely of male lovers under the understanding that if you're fighting next to your love you'll fight harder. And people say this whole queer business is a recent thing 🙄

Anyway I hope you liked it! 🖤

Hecate

Strophalos

The Princes in The Tower

Coffin Ships

The Hunger

The Black Death

Holy Roman Empire

Heresy witch burnings

The Sacred Band

261 notes · View notes

wexhappyxfew · 6 months ago

Note

"Hello, love! Could you please write from seeking out physical affection”, specifically comparing hand sizes, holding their hands against each other's, and then just holding hands” Could you also add a kiss on the cheek? For Judy and Rosie.

Tarzan and Jane vibes!

P.S Resending this, because I forgot to say that it is for Judy and Rosie 😆

Love you ❤️

AH HELLO!!!!! thank you so so much for sending this in! both you and @archival-hogwash sent in Judy x Rosie for this AND the same prompt so i hope you *both* enjoy this one!!!! i certainly had a GREAT time writing this, as i haven't done judy x rosie in what feels like AGES!!!!! SO!!! this is probably one of my favorite things for judy and rosie because we really get into their connection on multiple levels, along with their emotions and a piece purely focused on them. i would say this is purely self-indulgent on my part haha! so, i truly hope you enjoy! <3 THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN BOTH OF YOU!! :D

know it's you

(a/n): to the judy x rosie girlies, your joy and support and love for this duo has truly transcended, and so this piece is for you! judy rybinski is an OC i hold incredibly near and dear to my heart and it seems she's made quite the impact as well. plus - her and rosie make my heart melt and there's a whole lot of that here. so please, truly, enjoy! :) definitely love the jane/tarzan vibes in the gifs too hehe - that's so them in ways!!! AND -- to the judy anons earlier talking and asking about judy's past, we see a bit of why that is important to her character right here! ps — there’s some intimacy here but nothing super intense past that! just incase there are some not interested parties!

The barracks were much emptier these days - it still housed the Silver Bullets group, but with them 40% down their normal crew, which was now dispersed halfway across continental Europe, with the other 60% obtaining various positions in the air and on base - quiet was the new normal.

It was an off day and Judy hadn't been one to complain - they'd been doing missions and training relentlessly for days and by this point, to say the exhaustion wasn't getting to her would be a whole other level of lying lunacy. She'd had dinner with the rest of the girls - Dougie joining in beside Carrie because ever since they'd seemed to silently make it official between them, they'd been attached at the hip when they didn't have to be apart.

By that point, everyone else had gone out to the flying club, but Judy wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and read the rest of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen - she'd gotten close to the part with the love confession - she could feel it.

Freshly showered, hair nearly dry as it clung to her nightshirt and neck, she sat crossed-legged sideways on her bed, back leaned up against the wall of the barracks, listening to the silent hum of all the bugs outside, the crackle of voices somewhere in the distance and the hum of the lantern light turned on beside her.

If this was peace, she never wanted to let go of it.

It was almost a weird comfort that reminded her of training days - first getting the group of women together when Birdie had called on a crew. Meeting the girls, hanging out late into their off-day nights, talking, hearing peoples' stories and backgrounds and family history. By that point, Judy had taken to wearing her PT shorts to bed with one of the pale wool button-ups that Birdie had requested for the crew. Now, cuddled with her blanket, her button-up and her book, she was as happy as a damn lark. A gentle knock came from the door.

"You in there, Judy?" the voice called through. The corner of Judy's lip drew upwards.

"Who's asking?" She knew. She always did. She grinned wider.

"Who do you think?" the voice called back, a slight chuckle on their lips.

"I don't know…."Judy called back, "kinda hard to distinguish entirely with a wooden door breaking up the noise." She heard the laugh behind the door and couldn't help but take a split-second to brush her lose strands of hair behind her ears and rub a bit underneath her eyes, hoping the dark circles weren't as big as they had been earlier.

"Am I good to come in?"

"All clear." Judy called back. The door slowly pushed open and Judy couldn't help but feel her heart spin a bit out of control at the sight of Rosie Rosenthal stepping inside, crusher cap perched on his head, layered in his A2 and button-up, that look on his face that was a mixture of soft worry and concern all at once.

"Hi." Judy said, watching as he shut the barrack door behind him, waltzing over towards her with that silent look on his face and lips.

"Hey." he said back, pulling over one of the chairs from a table and placing it beside her cot and settling himself into the chair comfortably before leaning forward, "You doing okay? Didn't see you at the officers' club." She could feel the tension in her shoulders slowly unknotting at his worrying question, watching him peel off the A2 and crusher cap; it only took her a matter of seconds to slowly nod, a small smile on her face as she tilted her head.

"Yes," she said quietly, "just didn't feel up for being out tonight, I'll be honest. What about you though?" Rosie watched her as she let her eyes gently draw over his entire face, taking in each aspect of his eyes, his cheeks, his lips that made her feel all over the place on the inside. He grinned.

"Well, I'm glad you're here then," he said quietly with a nod, "sometimes you need a night away." She grinned. "I was at the officers' club. But, I don't know….didn't feel up for being out tonight. Wanted to come and see what you were up to." Judy let out a laugh and gently closed her book and leaned towards him over her crossed legs with a smile.

"Thanks for joining me then," Judy said, "can't promise to be as much entertainment as Dougie thinking he can dance, but….I can tell some pretty good campfire stories around the potbelly stove, I must admit." Rosie chuckled at her words, before looking up at her with a quiet look on his face, blue eyes watching her intently.

Rosie Rosenthal was like that though - he knew there was more behind it. He always did and with the way his mood had shifted, she knew in an instance that he'd been worrying for her longer than just the past hour when he came to see her. He could be in the flying club with the rest of the crews, drinking, having a grand old time, but instead he was here. With her.

"Just you here?" Rosie asked her, a slight tinge of concern in his voice and Judy nodded.

"It's okay," Judy said, looking down at her nails and picking at the edges of them with a shrug, "the other girls needed a night and I just wasn't feeling it. Didn't want them to miss out though. And sometimes just being here is what I need." Judy nodded towards the four usually empty and fresh-made cots. "Sometimes it's like they're here, ya know?"

They glanced towards the footlockers and cots across from Judy - mainly at the end of what was still Lieutenant Bradshaw's cot. Francis generally didn't allow anyone to touch it, open it, hardly even look at it. She always told people that they were coming back - if there was no word on any of the missing members of Silver Bullets or their bodies - they weren't dead. It'd be there until they got back. And Judy always believed Francis, she always did.

Judy couldn't help but feel her emotions wrangle with her heart as she stared at those four lone footlockers, untouched for months, cots forever-made on that last morning they'd been here.

The chair screeched slightly closer and she felt warmth overwhelm her hands, Rosie's large palms taking her small fists into his own hands, the nerves and tension immediately seeming to dissipate. Looking back towards him, she couldn't help but feel a small smile grow on her face, his face inches from her own.

"They're still out there," Rosie whispered quietly, his thumb running circles underneath the knuckles on her left hand, "I know that." Judy slowly nodded, knowing her words would fail her if she tried to talk. Rosie seemed to catch that in a matter of seconds and let out a deep breath.

"Tell me about what you were reading," he said quietly, nearly therapeutically, "that's a good one."

"You've read it?"

"I have." Rosie said, his voice a soothing sound to her ears, "When you have sisters, they convince you to read books like that." Judy gave him a look and he chuckled. "Didn't complain, I promise." Judy laughed lightly, eyes growing soft at his gaze on her as she smiled lazily.

"Mr. Darcy has just confessed his love for Elizabeth Bennet." Judy said quietly, retracting one of her hands to reach up and brush her fingers past some of his lose curls near his forehead, smiling slightly at the chill racing across his body underneath her touch, the way his eyes shut slightly and a small breath left his lips, "I would say it didn't entirely go as planned, but it has been one of my favorite things to read, I must say."

"You think it's a good book so far?" he asked her quietly, and she nodded, hand continuing to slowly careen back and forth over those few curls on his forehead.

"It blows some other books I've read out of the water." she said and she watched as he grinned, his eyes refusing to leave hers as he continued to watch her, the two of them falling into silence.

Watching each other in this quiet way was far more intimate than anything else she'd experienced in life and she hadn't experienced much. Her hand running through his hair, his hands holding her other, inches from each other's faces. Inches.

They each seemed to linger closer to one another, their eyes holding one another's gazes and she found herself welcoming his touch up onto her neck, the warmth making her whole body feel as if it were on fire.

It was always this.

Never touching this way, but still going to an extent before they'd back away. But now, they were alone and it was a warm, spring night and it was different; she wanted to feel something different than grief and loss.

Feeling his fingers grow up her neck towards her cheeks, her eyes shut at his touch; it was a little crazy to think about how close they were, his touch on her neck and face, breath fanning across her face. Maybe this crush wasn't as stupid as she had thought it to be. She was scared to open her eyes that had since closed and look at him, feeling his continual warm breath inches from her lips.

Kiss me, her voice seemed to whisper inside her head, please kiss me. His thumb brushed her warm cheek and she shivered a bit at the touch.

"You're shaking." Rosie whispered, and she shivered again, her heart racing inside her chest. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't do it.

"You make me nervous." she whispered back, her voice sounding light, almost like she was floating. Slowly, she opened her eyes - he was right there. He was so close, staring at her face like she was staring at something holy. His eyes were beautiful so close to her face, deep and caring and full. She had never been touched by someone like him, cared for, held and loved by.

"May I kiss you?" he whispered, his own voice sounding strained, "Please?"

"Please do." she whispered and it was in what felt like milliseconds where she was engulfed by him. His arms wrapped around her back, pulling her into him, his lips pressing earnestly against her own, her body snaking into his lap on the chair and her hands crawling into his hair and messing up those curls that were so perfectly done day in and day out.

Judy melted into him, his hands going up her back into her neckline, her body hot all over the place it felt as he tugged at her bottom lip, a small sigh escaping as she pressed her lips back to his.

It was such a quick-paced and desperate array of kisses - something she had never even experienced in her life. Rosie made a noise at the back of his throat, which made Judy pull back for a second, almost caught off guard - she'd never done this before, what was she even doing - were her hands in the right place? Could she even kiss well enough for it to be worth it? Did it mean anything? For him? For her? For them?

"Hey, you okay?" managed Rosie, trying to catch his breath, his lips a deep red - she realized she'd been sucking a bit on his bottom lip - his cheeks an equally similar color.

"Yeah, yeah," Judy said, her body clinging onto him with her arms and legs latched around his frame, "fine, this….wow."

Words, Judy, words.

It was so intimate to be so close to his face, almost like it was some secret thing no one had ever gotten the pleasure of doing before. She stared at him and watched as he licked his lips and glanced at her lips.

"Just…." Judy started as he watched her, his hands softly clinging to her back, his fingertips sending sparks along the fabric atop her skin, "I…..I've never been like this with someone."

"Like this?" Rosie whispered back, reaching up a hand to clutch at her cheek, brushing her flaming skin and smiling. Judy nodded.

"This….close." Judy whispered, "But for the first time in my life, I trust someone to be like this with." Rosie stared at her, a tender look on his face.

"I feel safe with you." Judy said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. Rosie continued to watch her and then smiled.

"Thank you." he whispered softly back, "I feel safe with you, too." Judy felt her heart skip a beat - multiple beats if anything - and smiled.

Within seconds of such a thing to say, Judy was kissing him, wrapping her body around him, pulling her hands up through his hair, every part of her body feeling her heart continuing to race faster and faster.

There was a deep-seeded need, but gentleness that came with his touch to her lips, the exhaustion of the day ever-present, but the want to feel showing in ways she couldn't quite understand as he deepened the kiss there in front of the fire. He slowly bit at her bottom lip as they parted, the two of them shaking, deep labored breaths escaping their lips as Judy slowly looked upwards towards Rosie, staring at his eyes in the quiet darkness that evaded nearly all the light. Judy's hands slowly moved down from his hair to his olive button-up, her fingertips dancing on the buttons.

"Do it." Rosie whispered, his breathing heavy, "It's yours." Just those words seemed to flip a switch in her head as she slowly, button by button undid both the shirt and him.

As she came to the bottom, his bare chest began to show and she slowly let her hands move towards his shoulders, peeling the fabric from his form, down his arms and to the ground. Her body was on fire, as she looked back up towards him, staring at her with those darkened blue eyes that made her go slightly insane. His hands lingered on her waist, hers on his now bare arms, their bated breath held for a moment as they watched one another.

Every movement made her want more, every look, every touch.

Everything made her live with want. Her hands slowly trailed down to his own hands, which felt like they were equally on fire, and she slowly guided them to the front of her wool button-up.

"Judy…." Rosie whispered. She slowly looked up and met his firm gaze and she sucked in a breath. It was so insanely attractive to her to know he was looking at her like this. She leaned slightly closer, still holding his hands to the buttons and watched his gaze.

"Will you help me?" she whispered.

"Yes." Rosie said, almost without any hesitation and immediately began unbuttoning her top, her heart pounding, the need growing.

As soon as the button on the bottom was undone, the top slid off her shoulders to expose her bare chest - and if she was honest, her rather sorry-excuse of a bra - his lips were pressing on her own and goosebumps danced over her skin at the slightly cool air and his touch. His lips were so gentle and soft, placed there on her own, a distant hunger behind each deepening of touch that made her crave more.

Taking in a shuddering breath, his lips moved to a tender spot on her neck and a small noise in the back of her throat escaped - it was almost so light-hearted as Rosie pulled back and softly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and chuckled that soft, breathy laugh.

"You okay?" he whispered and she looked to him, a smile on her breathless face as she looked at him.

"Yeah," she whispered shakily, "yeah. Wow." Rosie smiled at her through the darkness before slowly leaning forward and bringing her into another kiss, him biting her lip, a groan from the back of his throat and a whimper from her own mouth.

The slight grind of his body against hers was making it much harder to just focus on him and his lips. He was kissing her neck again, his lips exploring the whole of her neck, arching down to her collarbone as her eyes shut and far too many pleasant thoughts entered her brain. She was unbecoming in front of him, as he clung to her in a God-like way.

Slowly, Rosie shifted, clutching her to him and moving her to the cot, the blanket soft on her back as he laid her there and then pressed down onto her, his larger form a comforting weight there on top of her.

God, if someone walked in now, what would she say?

But, it was Rosie.

With Rosie, she was safe.

Rosie sucked on her neck, before pulling back for a second, his entire body shuttering as he looked towards her and then smiled, hovering overtop of her and softly kissing her forehead.

"You're one of the most beautiful women I've ever met." he whispered softly, eyes honest, almost like he spoke and got choked up in the middle and recovered.

"Thank you." she whispered back, her own throat choking up as she stared at him, the light from the lantern tickling his features, making his face a honey gold.

No one ever had told her such things, touching her and holding her as gently as he had, caring for her like he did. Rosie smiled and then Judy followed, a giggle along with it. Then, they were kissing, their bodies pressed against each other again.

At some point, his lips were on her collarbone and her lips had traversed his face and neck and then they were curled into each other's bodies, as he traced her bare back with a warm finger and she stared at his soft, cuddly face that she planted a kiss to every so often.

Rosie Rosenthal was shy when he wanted to be, but he was nowhere shy about where he wanted to put his hands and mouth.

But in this moment, quiet and intimate, all she could do was watch him.

"I'll admit, I've never been like this with someone," she whispered quietly as his light finger touch sent chills down her spine, "I'm sorry if my kissing didn't offer much." Rosie watched her and then shook his head with a playful scoff, and continued tracing her back.

"Don't say that," Rosie whispered quietly and then brought his lips to her ear, "your lips were reverent."

Judy could feel her body get hot just at his words and slowly turned to look at him as they lied there under the blanket. Her heart pounded as her cheeks grew hot, staring at his devastatingly handsome face watch her right back, like he could see all of her - which in ways, he definitely could.

She leaned forward and captured his lips again in hers, hungrily deepening the kiss, both their lips red and swollen as she bit down tenderly and a groan filled his mouth. She was sinking underneath him as he deepened the kiss against her lips this time. His warm hands were dancing across her bare-skinned chest and eventually reached the waistline of her shorts.

And the second she felt a finger on her waistline, her entire body grew cold and froze. She stopped kissing him, her lips growing shut, her eyes blasted wide-open and her shoulders immediately tense. Rosie pulled back in an instant, his hands on her cheeks gently, his own eyes open above her, worry pooling in his blue eyes as he looked down.

"You okay, Judy?" he whispered quietly, slightly out of breath, "We can stop." Judy looked at him, her eyes suddenly filling with tears she hadn't quite expected.

She didn't want to cry, why was she crying. No, no, no.

"Oh, hey, hey, c'mere." Judy put a hand over her mouth, Rosie coming off the top of her, reaching over the edge of the bed to grab his collared button-up. As tears grew down her cheeks, Rosie gently guided her arms into the long sleeves of his button-up, pulling it overtop her bare shoulders, before slowly buttoning it up, button by button.

"C'mere, Judy." Rosie whispered quietly, positioning himself sitting up against the pillows on the cot, allowing her to curl into his body, head snuggled against his bare chest, comforted by his presence, the scent of his shirt that always smelled like that pleasant cologne he always wore, and the quietness of the world surrounding them, "You okay, Jude?"

Whenever he kept repeating her name, it always brought her back, it allowed her to ground herself and think and keep her mind clear. Because it usually meant he was trying to get through to her and calm her down. And it always worked.

Judy could feel his hand around her waist, his other hand gently brushing through her hair, over and over in the most soothing manner. A mixture of embarrassment and guilt hit her in that moment curled beside him.

Would he think that he'd done something wrong?

Would he not like her because she couldn't do it?

Whatever it really was?

Would he think she was too inexperienced and naive?

Would he-?

"I'm sorry," she whispered out against his chest, the tears continuing to well in her eyes as she let out a shaky breath, "I just….it's me."

"No, no, it's okay," Rosie whispered quietly above her, gently pressing a kiss to her head - she could hear the smile in his voice, "it's okay." Judy snuggled closer into him and let out another shaky sigh.

"I'm not ready," she whispered through tears, "to do that yet. I'm sorry."

"No, no," Rosie said quietly - quickly, "don't apologize. You don't have to apologize to me, okay? Or…better yet, at all. You're ready when you're ready and if it's not yet, that's okay." Judy slowly peaked up at him, red-rimmed eyes, her nose probably getting drippy, looking far less unpleasant than she had earlier.

"Are you sure?" she asked him quietly and he gave her the sweetest smile she'd ever seen.

"I am." he said quietly, reaching up to brush at some tears on her cheeks, "I just want to be with you, Judy, that's all. In anyway I can." Her heart released the tension it had held for a brief moment and she nodded, a small smile peaking out.

"There's that grin," he whispered, pressing another kiss to her forehead this time, "there it is." Judy smiled wider and couldn't help but press closer to him, trying to gain access to every part of him there, curled into him in anyway she could. In a quick second though - she came quickly to the realization of what had just occurred and looked up at him.

Kissing him, kissing Rosie Rosenthal, kissing him the way she had and him kissing her back with just as much desperation as she did to him.

"That was my first kiss." Judy whispered quietly, staring out in front of them, towards where the sun had finally set out that little window, "My first….anything like that."

Maybe Judy should've held off saying that because Rosie froze there beside her, the hand on her hair going still, the hand on her waist tightening. She slowly peaked up at him and saw him watching her, a mixture of worry and concern mixed in his eyes and maybe a slight bit of nervousness that wasn't there before? She sat up a bit, and reached forward with her free hand that wasn't tucked against her body and lightly brushed her fingers against his face, smiling automatically, his own grin growing on his face afterwards.

"I'm…quite honored to be your first, Judy." he said quietly, the nervousness in his voice probably one of the cutest things she'd heard in a while, "Firsts are always special, so…."

"You always make everything special for me, you know that?" she said quietly, tilting her head against him, "That was really special though. Truly." Rosie watched her with that soft grin and she couldn't help but lean forward and press a soft kiss to his lips, the quickness of the familiarity of his lips almost insane to her - that her body could so instantly store in her mind the touch and feel of his lips just like that, his presence, his touch, him. Pulling back slightly, she watched him.

"Even if my first didn't…..go all the way, I guess." she said.

A few years ago, she remembered when all the towns girls would talk about their firsts - she remembered some were even getting married or having their first born! And there'd been Judy, waiting and waiting. Feeling left behind, embarrassed, too quiet not to say anything, too much of an outlier to say that she felt she was behind in the first place.

In her mind, she knew she was being too hard on herself, but it was something about her past few years that did it to her. But Rosie was stopping that and telling her there was no rush - he just wanted to be there. With her. And that was more important than anything.

"It doesn't have to," Rosie said quietly, cupping her cheek and smiling tenderly, "it doesn't need to. It's whatever you want it to be. And to even just….know it's you…." Judy watched him, eyes darting back and forth between his eyes as her cheeks slowly heated, despite the realization she'd been heavily making out with him moments earlier. He'd probably always have that effect on her.

"Know it's me?" she whispered. Rosie smiled, lovingly running his hand back through her hair before coming to dote underneath her chin, raising it up gently and pressing a kiss to her lips.

"Yes." he said quietly.

"What does that mean?" He watched her and grinned again.

"Ask me again in a few months." he whispered back to her, pressing another kiss to her forehead, making her feel all warm and fuzzy. Slowly, he held up his hand and she reached out her own hand to press against his - she giggled.

"Your hand is so big, Rosie, God," she said with a laugh, hearing his chuckle from somewhere above her, "mine is so tiny."

"It's cute." he whispered quietly, clasping his fingers around her hand, holding it there against his chest.

Staring at their intertwined hands against his chest, an aggressive feeling for him suddenly took shape and she realized how quick it was that it was in fact the feeling of genuine love.

Affection.

Adoration.

Love. For someone like him. For every part of him in every way.

Judy looked up at him, meeting his gaze again there in the lantern light and couldn't help it as she leaned towards him and lovingly pressed a kiss to his lips that slowly got deepened and rather emotional and slow and infused with a tenderness that she'd never felt before. It was slow movements, their heads and lips moving in unison, breaking every so often for a collection of air, before connecting again, their noses brushing, bits of laughter escaping every so often. Judy couldn't help but laugh at how ticklish his mustache was against her upper lip. It was all so gentle and peaceful - she had never felt so at peace with someone like this.

"If one of the girls came in now…."Judy whispered, before breaking into a laugh, "I'd probably never live it down." Rosie let out a small chuckle and shook his head against her softly, before pressing another kiss to her lips.

"You're something else, Judy Rybinski," he said quietly, eyes meeting hers again and she couldn't help but swell with emotion, "ever since I met you. Something special."

49 notes · View notes

woozten-x · 1 year ago

Text

#. 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐢𝐚 || 𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧

[ ; M.List including other Neos! ]

─ Synopsis: Insomniac nights are a pain...But, Na Jaemin will be the end of it all.

─ CONTENT WARNING: Indirect mention of suicide, DEPRESSION!

─ Pairing: Na Jaemin x Gender-Neutral Reader

─ Genre: Angst w. Comfort, Fluff/Wholesome

─ Concepts: reader has insomnia and depression, indirect statement towards suicide(?), basically reader getting comforted by reader because everyone needs a Jaemin in their lives, crappy writing pls don't mind that LOL

─ Count of Words: 1.2k

─ Inspiration of the work: What Was I Made For? - Billie Ellish

A/N: hi again LMAOODHSD yeah its been awhile. uhh... well... ive been burnt out for awhile because for some reason sitting and writing was a really difficult task to do lately. i am working on other projects! but, finishing them is a different story. this isn't how i wanted to come back... but, things been rough so i've been in the gutter and just wrote this on a whim since writing is just my source of comfort.

this is incredibly self indulgent. its a little too real? idk. the emotions are there but its not exactly clarified further? i decided to post so i can just put something up before doing changes to my acc + have some comfort for people who dealt with similar issues (stay strong<3). i am not sure what else to really say HAHAHDGS but, i will be writing and putting some things up again!!

ty for anyone who followed and continued supporting my works. i really appreciate it<3 i hope you guys have a great day/night :)

Another sleepless night.

At this point, it should be part of your routine, but it has gotten to the point where you are staring at your ceiling in the dark. Endless thoughts struck your mind like thunder, each droplet of your breath seems repetitive; you are still breathing yet somehow everything feels so empty. You are not sure why you feel this way or maybe you do, it is simply one of those feelings you feel at times.

Because of these same feelings, you are left wide awake with your body begging to sleep but your mind is continuing to howl within the night; yet there is no moon. Somehow, everything feels so dark. During these late hours where everyone is sleeping, nightfall seems endless for you - finding no peace within, especially amongst your inner turmoil.

You glance at your bedside, reaching out to take your phone and check the time. The white, bold number glows back at you - ‘2:00 a.m.’ reflecting back at you and momentarily blinding you with its powerful light. You let out a heavy sigh, placing down your phone on the nightstand with eyes stinging slightly from exhaustion and possibly the bright light of your phone. Rising from your bed, you quietly open the door.

Your footstep croaks upon the wooden floor of your apartment, walking to the kitchen that was only down the hallway; thinking maybe you could find something to munch on. Knowingly, you would only go to the kitchen without much reason or an appetite. It was a distraction, one that could help you out of your thoughts; even for a brief moment.

Quietly you stalk towards the kitchen, the tile floor cold against your skin, you pay no mind however. Your hand extends towards the fridge, opening it and letting the light be the only thing illuminating back at you. Eyes scan the items inside the fridge, finding nothing appetizing nor did you bother to move to grab something; instead you stand in front of the fridge, the coldness escaping wraps around you.

It wasn’t comfortable. No, it was far from comfortable…Yet it was somehow comforting to feel it.

“Y/N?”

Blinking away the daze cursing you in place, you glanced over your shoulder to see Na Jaemin; your roommate and a friend since highschool. The two of you have quite a history, in fact he is one of your best friends, one who experienced the highs and lows with you. He seems confused upon seeing you at this hour, concern evident in his gaze but he conceals it with his usual smile of his.

One that seems to hold no worries.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks, walking over to you and you look away once hearing the beeping from the refrigerator. It was alerting the both of you about how the door was open a bit too long. You close it and Jaemin grunts when he bumps into the corner of the counter within the kitchen, “What are you doing in the dark? You got night vision?” He grumbles, a hint of pain in his teasing.

You chuckle, walking towards the light switch of the kitchen and pressing the button - “Maybe I do~ Maybe I am a vampire.”

“Is that why you are always sleeping during the day?” Jaemin jokes along, the same smile playing on his lips. The light of the kitchen glowing in a faint yellow, your eyes easily landing on Jaemin; although he carries a smile, it did not reach his eyes. “Are you okay?” He asks, inquiring about your well-being once more; he seems to care so much.

But, for what reason? Your mind instantly thinks that when just seeing it. Feeling it.

You shrug, “No idea. Just have…A lot of thoughts.” You admittedly say, not exactly direct with what you were feeling. No words could describe it; was it exhaustion? Sadness? No, for some reason, it was more complicated than that.

Jaemin eyes at you, tilting his head - “What kind of thoughts?”

“When will the world end?” You joke with a small, half-hearted laugh. Jaemin rolls his eyes, your playfulness seizing an opportunity; but, it wasn’t exactly worth it. No joy overwrites the concern on Jaemin’s handsome face.

“Do you want the world to end?” He asks, leaning himself against the edge of the counter. You stood near the fridge, feeling your shoulders shrug at his question; it was a joke, nothing more. However, Jaemin had caught on the deeper undertone of it.

You sigh, “Honestly, I don’t know. It’s not like Doom would appear at my service.”

“Yes, dating some type of godly being is out of the question.” Jaemin chuckles, nodding at your words. You feel your lips tug up into a small smile at the same banter, your eyes falling away from his; your eyes scanning the tile floor, each line of the floor somehow more interesting than the person facing you.

“I wouldn’t want it to end.” He said, shrugging his shoulders and you scoff at his words. You part your lips to speak, but he continues - “But, if it ever ended, I would want to spend the very last moment with you.”

You chuckle, not exactly surprised to hear that from him. He’s always been vocal about his loyalty towards you and even his fondness; but, somehow it has your eyes watering just a little. It was such a small thing, one thing that seemed like a Na Jaemin thing to say yet it held so much impact. You look up, blinking away the tears with a laugh leaving you - “You are so cheesy.”

Jaemin shrugs, “I prefer speaking the truth.” He softly said, noticing the vulnerability surrounding you. Even when you hide it, he is always going to notice. He lifts himself off the counter, walking towards you. Strong arms surround you, tugging you close against a warmth; one that seems familiar, but one you seemed to have forgotten.

You rest your head against his chest, hearing the faint heartbeat of Jaemin. He places a hand on the back of your head, cradling you in his secure grasp - “It’s alright now.”

Burying your face in his chest, tears streaming down your face; the same tears that never came for these past nights. No matter how hard you tried, they wouldn’t fall. Finally, the warmth streams down your cheeks, letting all the heaviness drown you; you hold onto Jaemin, fingers loosely grasping onto his sweater, as he lets out a low assuring hum.

Even when you know he would never understand, he is going to stand in front of you with open arms. He always will.

“I won’t leave you alone for the night, okay?” He murmurs near your ear, his breath warm against your skin.

You nod, your grasp tightening on his sweater. By the end of the night, you won’t be able to let him go…

Even with these past nights of anxiety and overthinking, you are finally falling asleep in peace.

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coveredinratz · 1 month ago

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Petta Mellark; Sick comfort

Word Count: 901 words

Summary: You're sick and Peeta is there to take care of you

This is an incredibly self-indulgent peice, I'm sick rn and need some Peeta comfort. Its also been a hot minute since I've written something (and finished it) so spare me.

◦When Peeta found you, you were tucked deeply into your bed with the blankets pulled to your ears. Peeta immediately knew you were not okay. He could tell by the flush on your face and the sheen of sweat on your forehead.

◦He kissed your forehead with the promise of returning back soon. You whined but didn't have the strength to protest. So you simply laid in your bed, trying to get as much rest as one could get with the flu and congestion that made it hard to think.

◦Peeta had mapped out the quickest route from the Everdeen Apothecary to grab some medicine for you, then down to the Hob. He wasn't a frequent flier at District 12's black market. But he figured you'd want something warm for your empty stomach, and finally made a short stop to his family's bakery to snag some bread to go along with the questionable soup the Greasy Sae had been selling that day.

◦When Peeta returned, he found you asleep. He put the things he had gathered down quietly, and made his way towards your bed. He knelt down, and just like before, he brought his hand to your forehead. He knew there was no way your temperature had gone down in between the time he left and came back.

◦He watched you as you slept for a moment, letting you get as much peace as you could before he had to painfully wake you up. He brushed his hand across your face, his thumb rubbing and caressing your cheek. He knew this wasn't enough to wake you from your sick-induced slumber. But he hoped he wouldn't have to force you awake.

◦But alas, you were far too sleep-deprived and finally fell asleep so there was no chance that gentle touches were going to wake you up. Peeta sighed, taking the hand that was on your face to your shoulder, gently rocking you awake while calling your name sweetly.

◦At first it did nothing, but soon after a couple more shackles you finally started to stir awake. At first, you shook your head, refusing to let the ebbs of sleep fade away. But then you heard a sweet voice calling your name. A thumb brushes across your face.

◦When you opened your eyes you were greeted with a soft smile and gentle touches to your heated skin. “I got you some things,” Peeta said faintly. You grumbled an inaudible Thank you.

◦Peeta coaxed you out of your cocoon of blankets. With you upright, he fed you the medicine and water which you didn't refuse. He gently brought the cup to your lips, at first you did nothing, but once you felt the cool liquid against your lips, you drank it all.

◦Peeta chuckled, brushing away the drops of water that spilled from the corners of your mouth.

◦”M’ sorry,” you mumbeled out, your voice was naisley and sounded funny. Peeta looked at yo usympatheticly.

◦”Why are you sorry?” He asked, taking your hand in his.

◦”Fr being like this,” you whined. You didn't get sick often, thankfully. Living in the Seam you had developed quite a resilient immune system. But when you did get sick, it tended to knock you on your ass. Itd only last for a couple days, but in those couple of days you were bed ridden, head pounding and body aching.

◦”You dont need to apologize,” Peeta said sympatheticly. You had been together for a while, so he knew that anytime you felt less than normal, you felt horrible. Felt weak. You shouldnt have to have other people take care of you. But no matter how many times you feel this way, Peeta will always be there, with his warm hands to comfort you.

◦You just nodded. Feeling to out of it to say anymore. Peeta took a deep breath, ready to take your mind off of being sick and taking care of you. “I also got you some food, if your hungry?”

◦You suddenly realised how hungry you were. The whole body throbbing and head pounding distracted you from the fact you hadnt eaten since mid-day yesterday. You nodded, “Yes. Food please.”

◦At that peeta put a bowl of Greasy Sae’s soup and bread from the bakery. He tried to keep you from wolfing it down almost immediately. With the food and medicin in your system you started to feel better. The fog in your head started to lift and you body seemed to relax.

◦Peeta was laying in the bed with you, your head on his chest, his arm wrapped around your body. With food and medicin in your stomach, you actually felt present, not somewhere distant.

◦”Thank you,” you said into Peeta’s chest.

◦”For?” he asked, his hand tracking up and down your side.

◦”Takeing care of me,” You answered, “For always taking care of me.” You thought about the times where you felt lost and unsure of how you were going to be able to continue living in the Seam. Life was hard, but Peeta always seemed to be there and help you find your way.

◦You lifted your head up, propping your chin on his chest, looking over his face. He still looked like the same bakery boy youd met one wintery day. But he was older, obviously, but he grew out of his pudgie cheeks and short body.

◦”Of course,” Peeta shifted, propping his other arm underneath his head. He was looking all over your face. Remembering the little girl in the Seam, shivering because the cold had weaseled its way into your bones. How he brought you inside, half frozena nd sat you next to the oven which they were baking bread in.

◦He brought the hand he had tracing along your side to push a stray strand of hair from your face. “Always,” he said softly.

Thank you for reading! Maybe these short drabbles will get the creative juices flowing so feel free to request something. I CANNOT promise ill write it. Or if I do, finish it. But maybe it'll help me get out of this writing funk I'm in.

#writingblr #Peeta Mellark x reader #Petta Mellark #the hunger games #the hungergames x reader #the hunger games fanfiction #Peeta Mellark fanfiction

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whats-it-mean · 1 year ago

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Feeling down? Ryusei blue will save you ☆

Kanata Shinkai x Reader anxiety comfort !

A/N - I had an anxiety attack in spanish today and am very very tired from such so… self indulgent kanata. ALSO ITS MY FIRST TIME WRITING KANATA SO MIGHT BE OOC?? idk at this point i like the way this came out so ill continue to write him like this

TW - Anxiety attacks

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Short, shaky and shallow breaths left your mouth as you tightened your grasp on your sleeves in a desperate attempt to somewhat control your quivering. You tried to focus on the sheet of homework in front of you, but even thinking about schoolwork felt overwhelming. Everything was overwhelming.

You lifted your hands to reach for your pencil, slowly and uncertainly twirling it between your fingers in hopes of finding some calm, but the racing thoughts wouldn’t quiet.

It was too much.

Something in you gave up on trying to calm down. you could feel hot little tears prickling at the corners of your face, which only made your heart rate spike at the thought of somebody seeing you cry in class.

That was so lame. You hated when people thought lowly of you.

It was scary.

You sucked in a breath, only becoming more shaky after noticing the choked noise your dry throat made when you opened your mouth to breathe. Oh god. What if somebody heard it? What if the teacher got mad? What if—? Oh god, oh god, oh god—

“Professor~?”

You glanced upwards, eyes wet as you did so. You watched as the professor paused his scribbling on the board. “Hm? What is it, Shinkai?”

You blinked, taking another shaky breath as you bounced your leg with haste. for some reason feeling the need to listen as intently as possible, which temporarily stopped your mind from trailing elsewhere.

“Ah-… I don’t feel too well… Can I have a friend walk me to the main office~?” You felt yourself let out a slight, wobbly smile- Something about Kanata’s voice was incredibly calming to your static nerves.

The professor shrugged, turning back to continue writing notes down on the board and mumbling something of a ‘whatever, sure’ as he did so.

You let out a relieved sigh, although you were unsure as to why you cared. After a moment of peace, your mind caught back up to you, and you felt the quiver in your body start up again as you scratched your sleeve, trying for no particular reason to dig your nails into it.

You bowed your head back between your knees, breaths speeding up again until you felt a hand on your shoulder, making you jolt.

“C’mon~”

Kanata was smiling at you, putting the exact amount of pressure on your shoulder where it felt comforting. He extended his other hand to you, silently inviting you out of class, which was about the only thing you wanted in that moment.

With a moment’s hesitation, which Kanata seemed infinitely patient with, you shakily took his hand and let him take you out into the hall, keeping one hand on your shoulder the whole time. He didn’t seem to mind the fact that you were shaking to the point where someone who didn’t know better might think you were vibrating, and seemed to have no judgement in his eyes whenever you sniffled a bit.

The moment the door of the classroom closed behind you, he carefully removed his uniform blazer and placed it on your shoulders.

“Do you want to go to the fountain to calm down~?”

His voice alone made you feel a bit better, and the idea of getting fresh air sounded very calming. You nodded shakily, letting out a quiet ‘Thank you’ before he smiled at you and waved his hand dismissively and took your hand again, walking you outside to where the school fountain stood. The walk there was silent, except for the occasional humming from Kanata, and he had an air around him that made it easier to destress.

After a moment, you found yourself in front of the fountain, where Kanata wasted no time in sitting down in the water, humming his little ‘puka puka’ before smiling at you.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked, patting the ledge of the fountain for you to sit down at.

“Y- Yeah-…” You couldn’t bring yourself to say much, but it was true- your heart rate was slowly but surely slowing back to its usual pace, and you weren’t shaking quite as violently. Kanata smiled again, which set your mind at peace before he floated over near the ledge where you now sat.

“You don’t have to tell me what got you so anxious, but please feel free to if you so desire~” He hummed, reaching one hand to place over yours. It was wet, but you didn’t particularly mind as it was warm enough outside not to be uncomfortable. “It’s okay to feel afraid sometimes,” He continued, absentmindedly tracing shaped on your hand with his index finger as he spoke. “Just keep that in mind. No matter what happens, me and the rest of us in Ryuseitai will support you~”

Coming from Kanata, that was enough to properly calm you. You were still shaken up, but as he proceeded to drop his entire body under the water for a second so he could blow bubbles at you from underneath, you couldn’t help but crack a smile, and a moment later you were laughing.

Maybe you’d be alright for today.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── End

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the-travelling-witch · 6 months ago

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omg i managed to catch the exact moment!! just in time for my upcoming birthday, you guys are giving me the sweetest gift ever >///<

thank you so so much, you have no idea how much this means to me!! i know i say it every time we hit a certain number but i mean it every time too. i mean it for every number in between too <3

i know i’ve not been the most active lately (which i cannot promise will change in the next months) and that there are a lot of drafts and wips people are waiting for which i cannot work on atm; i want to, i really really want to, trust me on that ㅠㅠ

it’s especially because of my somewhat hiatus that i’m absolutely floored new people have been finding the blog, how did you guys get here? /lh

well, what matters most is that you enjoy your stay now that you’re here. i don’t think i’m all that deserving of the attention you’re bestowing me with but i’m still very grateful you’re giving me your precious time :]

i’ve recently talked about how everyone has always been incredibly nice to me and that i’ve been fortunate enough to never have received hate before, and just know i’m not taking that for granted >.<

i hope that in the future, this blog can continue to be a safe haven not only for me, but also for you. my writing is always highly self-indulgent, so it makes me super happy if it can provide a break from stress and/or some comfort to other people too!!

before i keep blabbing on, let me just say again, thank you so much, you lovely lovely people!! <3

#┊glimpse into the crystal ball ೃ༄#it’s very late and the last few days have been very tiring #so please excuse it if i’m hardly coherent but i wanted to show my appreciation immediately!!#i unfortunately don’t have any milestone event planned due to irl time constraints ㅠㅠ #but if you have any suggestions for maybe some ask games or the like you want to play #feel free to send them my way!!#mom i’ve made so many new friends are you proud jshhs #4k milestone <3

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bastetwastaken · 2 years ago

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It's my birthday today, and my brain has decided that my gift will be a flare in my depression, which means I've been writing something incredibly self indulgent. But I guess you all get a treat too so it's all good. <3 <3

Here's a lil something set in the Double Exposure universe but you don't need to have read the fic to understand it. Atem is having one of those days, and Yugi is more than happy to help him.

(Not explicitly stated but themes of dealing with depression under the cut)

......................

“You don’t seem like yourself today.” Mahad said from beside him.

“Hm.” He acknowledged his friend but didn’t really feel like saying much more.

The truth was that he didn’t feel like himself either. He didn’t understand why he had to feel this way sometimes but unfortunately he was used to it. He’d been fine when he woke up beside Yugi that morning, excited when Yugi kissed him goodbye and he hurried to the car to join Mahad and start his day, content to do as he was asked on set and enjoyed himself…

Then suddenly some time after lunch his mood had taken a turn for no reason other than his brain deciding he just wasn’t going to be happy that afternoon. He only hoped that hadn’t shown in his shoot.

He sighed and pulled his hood over his head as they exited the building, trying to hide behind Mahad instead of letting people see him. Recently he’d been taking more time to talk to fans who decided to wait for him and he’d at least humour the paparazzi, but today he didn’t feel like it.

Mahad seemed to take the hint that he wasn’t in the mood for talking and remained silent…until they were in the car.

“You don’t have to talk about anything else.” Mahad started. “But just answer one question, where are you spending the night?”

He hesitated for a moment, quickly weighing up what would be best, to go to Yugis and wait for him to return home in the place he found so much comfort in or to go back to the hotel with Mahad and spend his time in a soulless room.

His hand felt for the key in his pocket that Yugi had given him only a few days ago. He hadn’t used it yet, but Yugi had told him he was welcome in his home anytime, even if he wasn’t in.

It was the one place Atem could hide from the world.

“Yugis, please.” He said quietly.

Mahad nodded and continued to drive.

Swallowing a sigh he looked out of the window, staring at nothing in particular, but taking in the city all the same as he allowed his thoughts to wander. Yugi would still be working given the time and that suited him perfectly. He’d have Yugi's wonderful home to sit quietly in for an hour at least.

He was already looking forward to snuggling into Yugi's sofa with the overstuffed soft cushions, pulling the fuzzy blanket he always kept folded on the back of the sofa over him and just being surrounded by Yugi until he felt better.

Maybe he’d even get a quick shower too, he had some clothes at Yugis which he could change into and Yugi had told him he was welcome to do as he pleased when at his so he doubted he’d mind Atem helping himself to a shower.

Tears stung his eyes and he fought the urge to scream because he didn’t even know why. There was nothing that had upset him today, the date held no significance, people had been nothing but kind to him but still…he wanted to curl up into a ball and cry anyway.

Days like these came more often than he’d ever admit yet he was still to find a way to deal with them now he couldn’t drown his sorrows and ignore his feelings…

He didn’t realise where they were until the car stopped, then he recognised the house they were parked outside and he felt relieved to know that he didn’t have to be outside any longer, didn’t have to be in public.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow unless you let me know otherwise.” Mahad said softly. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you.” He nodded, then jumped out of the car, pulling the key out of his pocket and making his way to Yugi's front door.

The Kuriboh charm hanging on the key smiled up at him as he turned the lock and despite how he was feeling, the little charm made him smile because it was just so…Yugi.

He closed the door softly behind him and then leaned forward, his palms flat against the surface and his forehead pressed to the smooth wood.

For a moment he just breathed.

In…out, slow and deep and he felt himself relax gradually. He felt the pressure of the day fall from his shoulders and he leaned heavily against the door, feeling as if he could finally drop the act, there were no expectations on him now, no need to fake smiles.

He was home now, he could just…be.

“Welcome home.” Yugi's voice startled him and he jumped upright, blinking rapidly to try to fight back the tears which threatened to fall as he turned to face his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry.” He said quickly. “I thought you were working…I would have knocked if-”

“It’s okay.” Yugi smiled at him and he so desperately wished he could find it in himself to return it easily but he felt his own smile was forced, he knew it didn’t quite reach his eyes and he could tell Yugi knew something was up. “I gave you that key for you to use anytime.”

He nodded, bending to take off his boots as Yugi moved over to him slowly. He took his time with the laces, not wanting to face Yugi just yet.

Of course he loved his boyfriend, of course he was glad to see him but he just…didn’t want to have to talk to anyone. Deep down he knew it would probably help, but he just couldn’t bring himself to speak right now.

Yugi never judged him, aside from Mahad, Yugi was the one person that he could allow himself to be vulnerable in front of, the one person who he didn’t mind losing himself around because he knew that no matter how far he fell, Yugi would bring him back.

Still though, he tried to keep most of it to himself. Old habits die hard and he’d been hiding his feelings for way too long now to simply…stop doing it.

He had long finished with his boots but he remained on the floor, trying to talk himself down before daring to look back up.

A gentle hand on his knee was the first thing that alerted him to the fact Yugi had joined him on the floor, he glanced up at him, then looked back down at the wood floor, following the grain with his eyes, not trusting himself to look at his boyfriend just yet.

“You don’t have to speak.” Yugi said quietly. “But I’m here.”

He nodded.

“It’s not…” He sighed. “It’s silly.”

“No.” Yugi's hand moved to take one of his, pulling it away from his boot and intertwining their fingers together. “What’s silly is that you thought you had to go through this alone.”

He looked at their joined hands, biting his lip as he tried to think of something to say. Nothing came to mind though.

“You trust me, right?” Yugi asked softly, his other hand coming to rest against his cheek, thumb brushing against his skin slowly as his face was gently lifted until he was looking at Yugi.

“Yes.” He said. Yugi gave him a small smile.

“Nothing I say can make what you’re feeling go away, but perhaps I can help make it a little better…Come with me.” Yugi said.

He nodded and let Yugi pull him to his feet, let him lead them back to the bedroom and felt the excitement stir in his stomach, but shook it off when Yugi walked past the bed and opened one of the drawers Atem kept some of his own clothes in too.

“Get comfortable.” Yugi said, handing him the only pair of sweatpants he owned and an oversized t-shirt. He took them, clutching them to his chest as he nodded, then Yugi reached out to place a hand against his cheek again, smiling at him. “When you’re ready come find me, I’ll be making tea.”

He leaned into Yugi’s touch, already feeling a little better having his boyfriend so close to him. When he stepped back Yugi gave him another sweet smile then he turned and left the room.

He stood there for a moment longer, hugging the soft clothes that smelled of Yugi to his chest and trying not to let himself go just yet, trying not to give into the way he wanted to just crumble to the floor, curl up on himself and cry until he couldn’t anymore.

Slowly he placed the clothes on the bed and he began to change. Shedding the clothes he’d spent all day in made him feel a little better, less restricted, less…judged.

Once he was fully changed, he felt a little lighter. He left the bedroom and walked toward the kitchen, Yugi looked over his shoulder and smiled at him when he walked in, then beckoned him over to the counter where he was standing.

Yugi held out an arm and he accepted the hint gladly, leaning against his boyfriends side and sighing happily when he was pulled into a tight hug. He smiled as he watched Yugi finish their drinks and this time it felt a little more natural on his face.

They didn’t remain there for long, Yugi nudged him gently and he moved away enough to let his boyfriend turn to face him.

Yugi joined their hands and looked into his eyes for a moment, a soft smile on his face.

“You know, you don’t have to be so brave when you’re with me.” Yugi told him.

He looked back into those beautiful eyes so full of patience and love, the eyes which had never judged him, never expected him to be anything more than he was, never wanted more from him than he was willing to give…and he broke.

The tears fell quickly, his shoulders shook and he took a shaky breath. He was pulled back into Yugi's arms immediately and he crumbled further. He leaned heavily against Yugi, forcing his boyfriend to lean back against the counter to hold them both up, but feeling Yugi's arms around him, hearing his soft words in his ear and having hands run slowly over his back was all the comfort he needed.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, pressing his face to Yugi's neck. “I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.”

“Atem, it’s okay.” Yugi said softly. “Nothing is wrong with you, it’s just one of those days, but I’m here for you. Let me love you.”

“I’ll try.” He sighed, his tears had stopped, but he remained hidden in Yugi's arms, safe from the world.

“You’re such a wonderful person.” Yugi said, hands running down his back slowly. “You always make me feel so good…I wish you’d treat yourself the same way you treat me.”

“I’m trying.” He said, hands tightening on Yugi’s shirt and holding him closer.

It wasn’t the first time Yugi had said something like that to him and it probably wouldn’t be the last, and he really was trying, but years of self hatred didn’t just disappear overnight and Yugi knew that.

“I know, and you’re doing amazing.” Yugi said softly, Atem felt his lips against his temple, a soft kiss followed even softer words. “Now, I’ll happily hold you for as long as you need me to, but we should move to the sofa instead of standing here in the kitchen.”

He nodded, Yugi was right, it couldn’t be comfortable for him to stand here with his back against the counter, Atems weight crushing him against the hard surface.

“I might take that offer for the rest of the night.” He said with a quiet laugh.

“Oh no, what a shame.” Yugi said sarcastically. “I’ll be stuck under a gorgeous model for the rest of the night, I really hate my life.”

The words made him giggle and Yugi laughed softly too.

“I’d hate to make you suffer.” He teased.

“Hm.” Yugi slid a hand up to his face to cup his cheek again. “It’s nothing I can’t handle. So take a cup and we can get comfortable.”

Reluctantly he forced himself out of his boyfriend's arms and picked up one of the two mugs Yugi had been filling when he joined him, walking to the living room and settling down on one half of the sofa.

Yugi took a seat next to him, holding an arm out to him as he leaned back into the cushions. He was all too happy to fall back into Yugi’s warm embrace.

Whilst they sipped their drinks, Yugi put one of Atems favourite movies on and held him close, he never spoke, didn’t try to force Atem to tell him anything and never asked him to do anything more than he was in that moment.

It was just what he needed.

As much as he had intended on dealing with his feelings by crying in the shower for a while then sitting in complete silence alone, he was glad Yugi had been home and that he didn’t have to spend time alone with his thoughts.

Once his cup was empty he shifted to lay down, Yugi moved with him and wrapped his arms around him, laughing as Atem buried his head under his chin.

“I’m glad you were home.” He said quietly.

“My late meeting was cancelled, so I decided to do the rest of my shift from home.” Yugi told him. “I’m glad I could be here for you.”

“Today has been tough.” He said after a moment of silence.

“I understand.” Yugi said, a hand ran through his hair and soothed his thoughts. “It’s not easy, but you made it through the day, and for that, I am so proud of you. Now though, you don’t need to be anything, you don’t need to do anything, just stay here with me.”

Those words made him blush and he hid his face in Yugi's neck, smiling to himself.

“Thank you.” He murmured.

“Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Yugi pressed gently.

“There’s nothing to say.” He said honestly. “My mind is just…” He trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence.

“I understand.” Yugi told him, sliding his fingers through his hair again. “If there’s anything you need, or anything I can do for you, just let me know.”

“I will.” He said, a content sigh left his lips when Yugi began running his hands slowly down his back, fingers slowly trailing down his spine and then back up, slipping into his hair before repeating the path again.

He felt himself relaxing further into Yugi, enjoying the way that their bodies fit together, how easily he melted into Yugi's embrace, the way Yugi’s touches made him feel even though they were only small.

His eyes closed and his breathing began to slow a little, but he fought to stay awake, they should get up soon and make some dinner or order something or-

“You can go to sleep, I don’t mind.” Yugi said quietly, lips against his temple and a hand running slowly through his hair again. “I won’t leave you.”

“Promise?” He asked although he knew the answer.

“I promise.” Yugi said, kissing his head softly. “I’ll never leave you.”

“I love you.” He whispered, closing his eyes and resting his head against Yugi's shoulder, placing a soft kiss to the collar bone exposed to him.

“And I love you.” Yugi replied, his voice so soft, Atem barely heard it. “More than anything on this earth.”

He sighed happily and melted into Yugi’s arms even more, breathing in the scent of Yugi’s skin and his home, feeling safe, warm and content to remain here for the rest of the night.

...................

If you wanna read the (complete) fic along with some amazing artwork in which these two idiots fall in love, check it out here on Ao3

#puzzleshipping #atem #yugi mutou #model au #journalist au #another stupid cliche thing from the mind of Bastet #fanfic #ygo dm #i just want a hug

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onlyplatonicirl · 1 year ago

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Hello HeadcANON here, late, but here nontheless to congratulate you ON TCOTI's fifth anniversary. To say this fic changed me would be an understatement.

It became something so much more than just a piece of fanfic.

It became a source of inspiration, of comfort, of joy. It became a reason for me to keep going, through anything really. Anything difficult I was dealing with, I knew I could do it because despite everything you've been through, whether minor or major, you persevered.

That and, if I hung up this hypothetical phone too early, I'd never get to hear the end of it, and I really, really wanna.

This fic meant and still means so much to me. You published it when we we're 13, now we're 18, and all throughout that time, my interest (if not obsession) with your fic and characters never dwindled. It only grew. It made me want to pick up writing again, and I did, and I still do. And, I hope you continue to do so, as well.

Genuinely, I'm glad to know how much this fic has changed your life, but I need you to know that on the flipside, it's changed mine and so many other people's lives as well. Whether by inspiring them to write their own stories or to begin drawing, or just giving them that same feeling of comfort and joy.

Thanks for everything, Lorel - HeadcANON

Under normal circumstances when I recieve a complimentary message I keysmash and spam a million heart emojis because I'm not the best at taking compliments, but I would be an absolute fool to not respond to this ask with the same sincere and heartfelt energy that you put into it.

I legitmately began to cry as I was reading this ask. It absolutely baffles me that I have literally impacted people's lives over something so silly and self indulgent.

I want you to know that I see and fully internalize every single person who has ever sent me a message like yours. To know that I am inspiring people to draw, to write, to create, to overcome challenges not based on my writing but from what I've been through myself, it's all I can really hope for in life. By all accounts, if my fic really did do everything you said it did for you, than I have quite literally succeeded in life. Even if it's only a handful of people, knowing I have helped them through dark times in their life, even inadvertently, means more to me than I could ever express in words. I am so incredibly happy.

Genuinely from the bottom of my heart, I am so grateful that I could help you all like this. And I know you know you've all helped me too. I hope even when my silly fanfic has finished writing, that we can all continue to support each other and go out into the world and raise more people up. I sound so insanely sappy and dumb right now, but about a couple of weeks ago one of my friends I met thru TCOTI flew out to come see me, and us plus a mutual friend hung out together in my appartment and talked and laughed and all watched movies together and I realized my life, and their lives as well, have been changed by this. Which is simply insane to me.

I hope that as I continue writing this story you all enjoy what I have to offer. I plan on updating by at least the 9th of January, but we'll see haha.

Have an amazing day headcANON and I hope you know how much love you have filled my heart with today. I don't think I will ever forget this message <3

#ask lorel #anon #tcoti

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acacia-may · 2 years ago

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YTTD requests, you say?

Hello hello, hopefully this isn't a clog or too much of a bother; and most importantly, I hope you're having a great day right now! But I thought I may as well drop in and get a YTTD headcanon request in, seeing as I may or may not have been the cause of you getting into that series in the first place 😶

So, I'll try to indulge you a little by putting down two characters I know you have a really deep love for. Sei and Kai. 💙 + 💛. Maybe for the friendship one, how they deal with the other getting closer and having more friendships with other people? (I wonder if Sei would be the jealous type that's worried someone might try to take advantage of his brother's kindness 😅)

That's all from me. Do take your time with all the asks getting thrown your way in your inbox, and make sure to get plenty of rest and stay in good health! Have a lovely day ahead of you!

Oh my goodness, Repo! Your ask could never be a bother at all! Please don't ever worry about or apologize for sending in asks about anything. I enjoy them a lot and appreciate each and every one of them that comes in (even if it sometimes takes me a while to answer). I'm actually so excited for this one especially, you really have no idea! Thank you so, so much!! 🥰 It's my first YTTD ask ever so I feel very accomplished and also very excited! 🥳

It does feel appropriate that my first YTTD ask would come from you since, yes, you are absolutely the reason I am now suffering... (I'm only kidding of course. Thank you so much again for the recommendation of such an amazing story and game! I've got some of my friends irl playing it now, and my sister absolutely loves it. I would have never even known it existed if not for you so many thanks for that even if I am now heartbroken over a lot of dysfunctional fictional siblings 💕). On that note, there is especially no need for apologies for sending in an ask that is so incredibly self-indulgent for me. Seriously, I feel so spoiled right now. I don't deserve this! 🥺 My problem sons and their dysfunctional brotherly relationship really is so dear to my heart even if (at the same time) thinking about them makes me want to curl up and cry...

Why do I do this to myself?! 😭 KAI AND SEI DESERVED BETTER!!! I want to adopt them and give them cake 🎂 *cries*

Anyway, thank you so much again for the ask and for all of the kind words, friend! I hope you have a wonderful day as well, and I really hope you will like these headcanons! Please feel free to stop by anytime (and send in another ask if you want something more self-indulgent for yourself/an ask about your favorite characters too 😁). Cheers!! 💖

Headcanons are below the cut. Thank you for playing my Bye Bye Writer's Block Headcanon's Game! 🥰

(Warnings: Mentions grieving, food, sickness, injury, child abuse, death and angst. MAJOR SPOILERS for YTTD especially the Kai mini-episode)

Kai & Sei Friendship/Family Headcanons

💙-- Hurt/Comfort

During his childhood, Kai once contracted a terrible flu that lasted nearly two weeks. In general, he and Sei were essentially "on their own" when it came to sickness and injuries as children since Gashu believed that they should be strong enough to get over whatever it was on their own and if they weren't, then it was probably for the best that they just succumb to their wounds or illness. Just luckily neither of them were particularly sickly (usually), but they were often injured as part of their training and mostly learned how to care for and dress wounds for themselves. In this case, however, Kai was the sickest he had probably ever been, but as he wasn't expecting any sort of help, it was a complete shock to him that Sei jumped in to take care of him almost immediately.

In Sei's mind, Kai was such an airhead that he couldn't take care of himself on a good day--there was no way he could take care of himself while he was sick, so even though he really didn't know what he was doing he tried his best to play caregiver--mainly just kept his brother warm, making sure he had plenty of water, trying to keep his fever down with cold compresses, and preparing him meals of instant noodles (the only thing he really knew how to make) while worrying far more than he would ever admit. Sei told Kai not to make a big deal out of it--insisting that he was only helping to patch him up so he could beat him at sparring practice later, but Kai, who had never actually been taken care of before, was truly touched by his brother's actions and tried his best to repay the favor going forward.

(Related) Bonus HC [though this one is more angsty]: The first meals that Kai ever learned how to cook were Sei's favorite foods which Kai learned to make for his brother when he was injured (or on the rare occasions that he was sick). Gashu allowed the hobby because he thought it may prove useful one day (And it eventually did when Kai's cover became 'homemaker' and housekeeper for the Chidouins). Sei was always a bit jealous of Kai's cooking skills, especially since when he was recovering, he got these gourmet meals from his brother, but when Kai was recovering, all he got was instant noodles (since Sei really couldn't cook to save his life). Kai insisted he loved the instant noodles, however. (Of course what he really loved was the fact that his brother had taken the time to make them and take care of him).

When he lost Sei, Kai couldn't bring himself to make his favorite foods for a long time, but he spent many a night for those first couple of months without him crying into a cup of instant noodles.

💛-- Friendship

(A/N: I really loved your prompt! Thank you for that. My sister and I were actually just discussing this very topic a couple of days ago, so I'm more than happy to run with it for you! Also 100% agree with your interpretation of Sei as a protective brother!)

Sei is much more jaded and mistrustful than Kai--believing that other people are always playing some sort of angle and/or only looking out for themselves whereas Kai wants to believe in the best in others and is a truly generous person who will genuinely put other people's wants over his own without expecting anything in return. As this is a foreign concept to Sei, it takes him a long time to realize that Kai genuinely cares about him in altruistic way without any strings attached. Sei who has never had such a relationship before recognizes what a gift and a privilege it is to be loved unconditionally, and as such, his bond with Kai quickly becomes one of the most important things in the world to him.

One of Sei's greatest worries as far as his brother is concerned is that someone will twist or trample on what he considers his brother's greatest strengths and take advantage of Kai's selflessness and generosity. For this reason, Sei can be very protective of Kai. While he admires Kai's kindness and good-hearted nature, he thinks it can make his brother a bit airheaded at times and can cause him to put his guard down around other people when he shouldn't--ultimately, leaving him vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Since Kai is kind of aloof, he can seem to be unapproachable to people who don't know him well, and since he is naturally quiet and not one to take much initiative in social situations, it can be difficult for him to make friends. This is, truthfully, a bit of a relief to Sei since it protects Kai from falling in with a more manipulative group who might try to take advantage of him. That said, Sei would be genuinely sad to learn his brother was lonely and wanted friends when/if he didn't have them.

If Kai ever made some good friends, it would take Sei a very long time to warm up to them. They would likely be incredibly confused upon meeting Sei for the first time since Kai always speaks so warmly about his brother and describes what a caring person he is--failing to mention the fact that his brother is a tsundere so that caring nature is hidden under a frosty exterior of bluntness, callousness, and snark.

Sei would have absolutely no problem telling Kai's friends exactly what he thought of them and would likely tell Kai (on multiple occasions) that he can do better. Ultimately, however, Sei wants good things for Kai. As soon as Kai's friends prove that they care about him just as much as Sei does and really do have his best interests at heart, they will likely become endeared to Sei forever, and Sei will feel very grateful and indebted to them for looking out for his brother.

Kai on the other hand would immediately love any friend that Sei made. In fact, he would probably consider them Sei's friends even before Sei would acknowledge them as such--saying things like "It's so nice to meet your friends, Sei!" while Sei (the indignant little tsun) huffily insists, "They're not my friends. They're just some people I know." Kai would be absolutely thrilled to know that Sei had friends (especially since Sei is pretty vocal about his opinion that "friendship is overrated"), and he would try to include them in all of their activities and basically bring them into the family. Sei would very quickly get huffy and annoyed with Kai constantly insisting "Why don't you invite your friend(s), Sei?", muttering under his breath or bitterly thinking to himself "I wish I had never told you I had friends" at least once or twice a week.

Unlike with Kai's friends meeting Sei and being thoroughly surprised, Sei's friends meeting Kai is exactly what they expected--well once they get past that initial awkwardness and aloofness from Kai being naturally shy and quiet person, that is. It is a very short-lived period of time, however, since Kai really tries to push himself to be more outgoing when meeting the friends of his brother. He likes them very much for taking such good care of Sei and befriending him, so he tries to be more openly warm and friendly towards them. He also always treats them very formally (similar to how he addresses Sara as "Sara-san" or "Miss Sara" in the game), and he actually, genuinely thanks them all for being Sei's friend (which embarrasses his brother to the point that his ears turn pink. Poor Sei).

#kai satou #yttd kai #yttd sei #*cries* about the satou brothers #yttd spoilers #thank you for the ask #headcanon requests #yttd headcanons #repo-net the great

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