#this was in denver for anyone interested | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

swoofllia · 5 months ago

Text

THE PROJECT.

-ˋˏ✄┈ #Vance Hopper x Reader

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ PAIRING/PAIRINGS : Vance Hopper x Fem! Reader.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ FORMAT : Series.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ SUMMARY OF CHAPTER : Y/N and Vance were partnered up for a project. Obviously, both of them did not want to be together because of an incident that happened two summers ago. But were there any other choices? And what other surprise would await Y/N later on the day?

♺ TW ! : Mentions of fighting, cuss words, bruises, wounds, brusies, scars, blood, threats, abuse, kidnappings, and more.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♺ AUTHORS NOTE ! : I just want to say that English is not my first language and that there is a scene (where Y/N is complaining to her best friend) inspired from a Vance H. fic called Pinball, Hair, and Detention by ellemfaoh! Please go check it out. It's so good! Also, there will be some 70s slang in the fic, so I will give you the meaning of it down below!

↓

𓍯 Hairy eyeball - If someone were to give you the hairy eyeball, it would mean they're shooting you a nasty or menacing stare.

Enjoy your stay ! :)

CHAPTER I - What A Day.

NORTH DENVER, COLORADO - 1977.05.27.

"And... Vance and Y/N! You two will be the last assigned pair for this upcoming project." Said, Mr. Hall. You froze at the news. You hated Vance. Well.. Not exactly hate. It was more of a dislike type of way. From your side, at least. Long story short, when you moved to town before first grade, you both became friends. But because of an incident two summers ago that everyone in the school knew about, everything went upside down. Though the feeling was mutual. Vance felt the same way about you, too.

Now you are just a girl who has hobbies and interests others would call weird and lame, while some idiotic kids at school try to pester you and whatnot. You have tried to ignore them, but just can't ignore the agitating buzz they made in your head. Could you now?

Needless to say, both of the teenagers wanted to be switched with someone else. Even if it's with the most stupid kid in this class. Seriously.

"If you have any questions, ask the-"

"I'm sorry for interrupting, sir, but is there any chance that I can work alone? I just feel like I'll be better on my own." You questioned, raising her hand slightly to attract the teacher's attention. Mr. Hall's eyebrows furrowed as he looked at you.

"If anyone works alone, it will be an automatic fail. If you want an explanation, I won't give it to you, because i don't owe you one." Mr. Hall stated flatly as you groaned quietly in annoyance, rolling your eyes. "Now, I want everybody to sit next to their assigned partner. Remember, I will check if everybody is sat where they have to be, if not there will be consequences."

Cringing quietly at that last part, you shifted uncomfortably as you glanced around the room to see if anybody reacted the same way. Some of them did, but most didn't. Probably because they were so used to Mr. Hall and his weird ways of threatening. There was some rumor tha-

"Move, fat ass." Jumping slightly in your seat, you were a bit startled. As you looked up at the figure that insulted you and brought you out of your mind, you couldn't really recognize who it was. Was she one of the girls that liked Vance. Carol, maybe? You grimaced. Did you have to sit next to him? To Vance Hopper? That's probably why she looked like there was steam coming out of her ears. Does Carol still think that you and Vance are friends or something, even though the whole school knows you aren't.

"Maybe when you calm your balls down a bit, I will move you snot-flicking doofus." You spat out. Getting up, she threw you a nasty glare. You ignored her and went to sit where Vance was. Great. When you went to his desk, you dropped your bag on your side and sat down, giving the dirty-blond a quick glance. Just as Vance was about to say something to you (probably something spiteful) , Mr. Hall started checking as he promised, and after, he announced. "As you all know, yesterday we wrote down some very important notes about World War 1 and World War 2. Well, almost everyone." paused Mr. Hall, giving Vance a quick look of disapproval before continuing. Vance, in response, sneered. "All of you will have one to two weeks to do this project. Before you start it, I want all of you to write down some more notes, as the project's prompt will be about WW1 and WW2." After that your mind completely dozed off somewhere else. The prompt was all you needed. You would just write down the notes that were needed and zone out again.

As some minutes ticked off, you felt a sharp pain towards your leg. You quietly hissed out as you looked beneath the desk and saw Vance's leg, ready to attack again. You shot a glare towards Vance. All he did was smirk. Narrowing your eyes, you moved your legs far away as you possibly could. After a while, a thump on your leg was heard, and you bit your tongue just so you don't yelp out from pain. Looking up at the wall in front, you checked the time. Your eyebrows furrowed for a second before going to an unexplainable expression. 15 more minutes. You sighed in defeat, leaning your head on your palm. It won't be that bad. Right? It was just 15 minutes.

WRONG.

"You don't understand, Bugs! It hurt like a hundred hits with a belt!" You stated while she raised an eyebrow, silently questioning your words. "Okay, okay, I'm exaggerating, but still! He's the worst! And just as I thought he was gonna stop, he started tugging and pulling on my hair!" You ranted to your best friend. Exchanging the books in your hands with the ones in the locker, you slammed it shut. As you leaned against it, you turned towards her - Maya. She was obviously trying to hold her laughter. When you started squinting your eyes and crossing your arms is when she burst out laughing. After a second, you chimed in. The both of you got weird stares from some other kids, or whatever. Who cares, tho? You were only having fun with one of the most normal girls in school.

When you were over with the giggling session, she spoke. "Maybe our little Vancey has a little crush on you!" teased Maya. "Oh yes, I hope Vance likes me! I really do!" You said with a fake smile and a high-pitched voice, making a face afterward. Maya started laughing again, but you just stood there watching her. You rolled your eyes and sighed as she laughed. "If a boy likes you, he shouldn't be tugging or kicking your leg! Not bullying the person you're attracted to is literally the bare minimum!" You exclaimed, throwing your hands in the air in frustration, face laced with confusion.

"True, true. But still, imagine if he actually does."

"Are you trying to get on my nerves today?" You grumbled out, looking sideways at her. She shrugged as the bell rang. "Maybe, but luckily we have English together. You know what that means..." She exclaimed, changing the subject as her mouth curved into a smile. You gave her a smirk of your own.

Whenever the both of you had classes together, you wouldn't stop giggling for the most stupid reasons. Would it be teachers, other kids in school, hell, even objects! Honestly, she was everything you could ask for in a best friend. You knew each other since first grade. Maya knew about the incident with Vance because she was there too. Ever since then, the both of you hung out a lot, and you got very close, resulting in her being your best friend and you being hers.

As you both walked towards the English classroom, ahead of you, you saw Vance with his supposed 'friends' and some two other girls. You scoffed, rolling your eyes while Maya just looked at them with the white of her eye. The both of you walked past the horrendously annoying group (in your opinion), but you noticed that Maya made some sort of expression you couldn't explain. Closest to it was one of surprise. An 'Ooh' and 'Aah' escaped from her lips as if she were reading some sort of fascinating fashion magazine. You turned your head to see what she was 'Ooh'ing' and 'Aah'ing' about, and you mentally groaned out.

Turning your head back, you saw Vance fucking Hopper staring at you. Right directly at you. The both of you locked eyes. As you kept eye contact with his icy blues, you saw that Carol girl angrily glaring at you. Making a face you turned your head towards Maya.

"I swear that chick has some problem with me!" You commented. "She keeps giving me a hairy eyeball, and I don't know why! I honestly think-"

"It's because she likes Vance. Yeah, I know. The whole school does." She replied, cutting you off. "Last year, when I was paired up with him for the school's baking competition, she kept either glaring or sneering at me." She said with laughter. "Who cares, tho? It's not like she can win over his heart with her bitchy attitude. Wait! Actually no!" She exclaimed, her head turning towards you with wide eyes and a grin on her face. "They would be the perfect couple! They both are assholes like it's their full-time job and are just... Eugh!" Maya shivered a bit, a scowl plastered on her face while you chuckled at her reaction.

When you both went inside the classroom, you went to your usual seats, which were almost at the back. As you sat on the dirty plastic chairs, both of you started talking about different topics.

"And then she-" Maya got interrupted by the teacher walking in. Ugh. Mrs.Young..

After a while, you started quietly giggling at a thought that came in your head. Maya looked at you, confusion drawn on her face. You just gave her a nod, meaning that you would tell her in a bit. As the class began to sit down, Mrs. Young started talking about something that clearly wasn't important to you because you were quietly laughing and whispering with Maya.

"Y'know.. Young doesn't suit her. Like at all. She's fuckin' ancient, an annoying old hag that passes the jocks so they can graduate, just because she wants to pull down their pants since she can't do that to her husband." Maya quickly put a hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh or even giggle. You could see her eyes slightly filled with tears as she blinked profusely.

"It wasn't that funny, but still. Its so-"

"Y/N!" Mr. Young yelled out. You stiffened as the expression on your face quickly turned from joy to panic. As you straightened up and turned your head towards her, you saw her make the most horrendous expression on an adult you have ever seen. You tried to keep it inside, but you let out a giggle and a quiet laugh.

"Get up!"

Here we go.

"Something funny, young lady?" The teacher questioned.

Yes.

"N-No Mrs. Young.." You said through laughs.

Fuck.

As you glanced at Maya, you already knew she was gonna be the reason you were gonna end up in detention. As you let out a laugh again, that's when Mrs. Young shouted out.

"That's it! Detention for three days!"

"But-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses!"

You sighed as you plopped down on the plastic chair, placing your cheek on your palm.

What a day, honestly.

When the bell rang, you quickly gathered your stuff and left without uttering a word to your best friend. She called out to you, but you ignored her completely. As you went to your locker, you heard someone shout out your name while you quickly switched up your books.

"Y/N..!"

Maya's voice echoed through the hall. You turned around to look at her as she jogged towards you. When she was in front of you, she panted for some seconds before speaking up.

"What." You questioned, voice flat. It took her a moment to talk as she was taking some breaths. "Listen.. I didn't mean to make you mad or get you into trouble. I just wanted to make you smile after her nagging 'n shit, you know?" "Yeah, but that doesn't mean while she's scolding and looking at me!" "I'm sorry! Okay?" She exclaimed quickly while looking down at the ground. You just smiled at her. When she looked to you, her blue eyes crinkled at the end as she gave you a grin. You know she didn't mean any harm. "You're lucky you're my best friend, or I would have done everything possible to get you stuck in detention with me." She let out a giggle and hugged you, you doing the same.

As the time flew by, you went to detention, and when that hell of a place was over, you walked to the exit to leave school. You decided to go to the Grab 'N Go later and you walked half the way towards your house, you heard leaves crunching behind you. You shrugged it off and started walking a bit faster. When you realized the person behind copied you, you hesitated to turn around, and you did. Your eyes slightly widened a bit, then narrowed.

Vance fucking Hopper. Great. Just great.

You locked eyes with him. He looked you up and down, sneering. You stopped in your tracks, your face contouring into confusion and annoyance. "Are you followin' me or something, Hopper? You weren't even in detention, so what are you doing here walking so late after school?" You questioned, raising an eyebrow as you gripped the straps of your backpack. He probably took notice of it because he looked at them. Narrowing his eyebrows, he barked out, "Get a hold of yourself, dimwit. I would never follow anybody, especially you. Stupid bitch." 'Such a lie. He would definently follow someone if they piqued his interest.' You tought. Then he walked past you, grumbling something inaudible afterward.

You rolled your eyes and started again. Honestly, you expected some more arguing with him right now, but he didn't really do anything troublesome today when you think about it. Not even a minute fight with someone. Well, except when he started kicking your leg and tugging on your hair. He didn't answer your second question, too.. whatever, but what was that supposed to mean? Someone like you?

This time, Vance was ahead of you, so you decided to observe him. He was wearing his jean vest, a mix of blue-ish and gray-ish jeans, a white wife beater, belt, and some dirty black shoes. That was the outfit he wore most. Then, your eyes went up to the back of his head. His long, dirty-blond curls bouncing with every step he took. Honestly, you sometimes envied him for his hair. It was interesting. Wait. Did you just give that asshole a compliment? Yeah, but his hair was pretty! But his personality was the total opposite. It's like he was born on this planet to terrorize everything and everyone. You tought to yourself for a moment that it was because of his home life. You knew about it. He had told you a bit before you two had started hating each other. But that didn't excuse his behavior at all.

What you didn't realize was that you were so caught up in your mind that you were two blocks past your house. Stopping in your tracks when you had realized, you turned around, giving the blond one last glance.

Unlocking the door, you went inside, kicking your shoes off and dropping your backpack. You went to the wired phone to call Maya. Dialing her number, you put the receiver on your ear and waited. When she answered the both of you made an agreement to meet at the Grab 'N Go in 10.

Hanging up, you quickly ran up to your room, grabbing a 5 dollar bill, shoving it in your pocket. You closed the door and rushed down the stairs, putting on your shoes. You went outside and locked the door. You weren't really rushing, so you were walking at a normal pace. You started wondering where the nickname 'Bugs' for Maya came. After a while of thinking, you remembered it was from that one cartoon animation with a bunch of episodes. Looney Tunes, was it?

When you arrived at the Grab 'N Go, Maya wasn't there. She lived closer to the mini store than you did, so you thought it was unusual. Another strange thing is that she always waited for you right in front of the door. You decided to wait for some more minutes. Maybe she would be a bit late than usual, or was she inside? Your gut feeling was telling you something was wrong. You just hoped that The Grabber didn't kidnap her. Just the thought of that made you want to vomit. You quickly decided to first look inside the Grab 'N Go.

Going in, you saw a familiar blond hunched over the Pinball Machine, trying to beat his high score, its bell dinging whenever he scored. Typical Vance.

Ripping your attention off of him, you went between the aisles, but there was no sight of Maya. Suddenly, you heard a lot of commotion come from the side of the freezers. You decided to go there. Going on the other side, you saw a formed crowd of kids. A lot of hyping up and yells could be heard. A fight was happening. You don't know how the lady at the cash register wasn't hearing them chanting 'Fight, fight, fight!'. You wanted to shrug it off, but it was like an itch waiting to be scratched. As you pushed through the kids towards the center, you froze. Your eyes widened from the scene in front of you.

What the fuck?

Some two girls were holding Maya's arms from both her sides, and a third one was throwing punches and kicks at her. Your best friend's face was bruised, and so were her legs and arms. Her lip was almost busted. It wasn't even a fight at this point it was torture.

With clenched fists, your knuckles probably turning white at this point, you looked at the cashier and then back to Maya. When she moved her eyes towards you, you saw pain but relief when she took notice of you. There was so much more, but you couldn't just stand there anymore.

As you pushed through the kids, you went behind the girl who was hitting her. Grabbing her from the hair, you heard her yelp out in pain. "You putrid crotch-sniffing toerag, I swear to God I will kill you!" You yelled at her while turning her head to look at you. "Let me go, you cunt!" She screeched out. Ignoring her demanding, you straight up bashed her head in the freezer then threw her to the ground afterwards. Lifting her head up you saw that her eyes were teary and her nose was bleeding. She touched the bloody trail dripping from her nostrils with her fingertips and she quickly glared at you, anger evident in her eyes. As she got up she swinged a punch at you but you quickly ducked. Seeing her leg move a bit, you assumed she was going to try and kick you somewhere. Knowing her next attack, you blocked it with the tip of your elbow. You heard from somewhere that blocking it that way hurts your opponent more. Suddenly, an idea popped up in your mind. You grinned, bending your knees down a bit, hands resting on them.

"Stupidity ain't a crime, so feel fuckin' free to get outta here, bitch!" You remarked. "Oh! And by the way. I dont know if your parents realize that they're living proof of making a complete mistake and a fucking bitch that bullies other kids and projects her problems on them." You spat out afterward. She just stared up at you. And that's where you crossed the line. Before you can even comprehend, she punched you right in the nose.

"Y/N!" You heard the voice of your best friend call out to you. There was so much noise and commotion. You felt like everything was a fever dream. That was until you felt a kick to the stomach. You shut your eyes, a stinging feeling in them as you clutched your stomach with your arms. When you opened them, they were teary, and you felt a warm liquid trickling down your nose. Yup, you definently got a bloody nose, too. You wiped the blood with the sleeve of your shirt and looked up at her with a nasty glare. She was just grimacing down at you like you were some sort of creature that snuck on Earth. Out of nowhere, she decided to kick you in the hip multiple times, and your not gonna lie, it hurt like a bitch. It almost felt like you were gonna have a broken pelvis.

Just as you thought you were done for and embarrassed yourself in front of the whole Grab 'N Go, Maya shouted unexpectedly.

"Hey, you cock-sucking hackwag!" The girl turned around, facing her. She was surprised at her words because earlier she was tormenting your best friend, and now she's getting insulted by her. "Getting bold, are we?" She questioned, tilting her head while crossing her arms in front of her chest.

You sat up, your back leaning against the freezer door. You felt a slight lump on your lip. As you touched it a bit with the tips of your fingers, you realized she busted your lip. Grimacing, you looked up at the crowd. Some of them were watching Maya and the girl. Some were watching you. Including Vance. His eyes were scanning your bruises and whatnot that was on your exposed skin. He wasn't looking at you only. He observed the girl, Maya, and you. He was a fighter. After all, he was here for the fight. But when his eyes went to your slightly parted bloody lips, his eyebrows furrowed as he locked eyes with yours. The both of you were having a staring stand-off. Well, that was until someone's torso fell on your feet, hissing and groaning as you heard an 'Oh!' from the crowd. You were ready to attack that rascal again if Maya was the one on your feet, but it wasn't. It was quite the opposite, actually. Maya was standing proudly, a small grin plastered on her lips. You brought your feet up to your torso, her back hitting the ground, making her groan out again. You let out a laugh and stood up, dusting yourself.

Grabbing your best friend's hand, you pushed through the crowd. "We gotta go before we get into even more trouble!" You exclaimed, turning your head to glance at her. Going past the cashier lady, she gave you an odd look. Maybe it was because of your beaten up state, turning her gaze to where the leftover commotion was coming.

When you and Maya went out the door, the bell rang, signaling your exit. You started running and giggling a bit, both of your lungs' burning. Both of you were bruised, scratched, and whatnot. People on the street were giving you weird and concerned looks, but hey. At least you kind of protected Maya. But you owed her now. She saved you from that girl before she could do something else than just throw a blow and some kicks at you. You were just glad she was okay.

As for now, both of you went over to your house and fixed each other up on the living room couch, watching some clichè action movie. After a while, she said.

"Dude, I honestly thought you were done for when she started kickin' and shit. You looked so.."

"Don't even finish."

She chuckled while laying her head on your lap, her legs on the armrest. "I'm just glad you're okay, N/N." She murmured.

"Me too, Bugs." You answered, caressing her hair. "Oh, by the way, did you see the way Vance looked at you? It was weird."

"I know, don't mention it. Again." You exclaimed quickly. "Why?" She asked. There was a moment of silence between the both of you. "Because I don't know what kind of look it was." You mumbled. "What kind of look did you hope it was?" She looked up at you, her blue eyes looking for an answer in yours.

"I don't know." You stated, ripping your eyes from hers to the TV.

"Then, if you don't know now, you will find out another day." She said before turning her attention towards the movie.

What a day.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ NOTES : Hello, guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I am currently working on the second chapter of the fic, so stay tuned! If you want to get tagged when chapter II is out, please leave a comment or like! If you have any suggestions for the next chapter, feel free to tell me in the comments! Bye-bye! :D

Tags ! : @yayitsyannie @serradiary1ry @dollyzdove I edited the fic up a bit, so that's why I'm tagging you guys for chapter I !

#vance hopper x reader #vance hopper #billy showalter #griffin stagg #finney blake #gwen blake #robin arellano #bruce yamada #the grabber #albert shaw

222 notes · View notes

dan-the-womans-blog · 4 months ago

Note

Love “Shield of Silence” ❤️❤️ What about this time around Hotch need the rescue and they're in a relationship? Add anything you want. Tag me later. Thanks!! :)))

Title: "Tables Turned"

Part two for "shield of Silence"

(Aaron hotchnerr x fem!reader)

It had been a long case, the kind that seemed to stretch on forever with no clear answers. You and the team had been in Denver for almost a week now, chasing leads that seemed to go nowhere. Exhaustion clung to every agent like a second skin, and tempers were fraying at the edges. Still, you had a job to do, and as always, Aaron Hotchner was at the helm, holding everything together with his calm authority.

The only problem? Chief Jenny Montgomery.

From the moment you and Hotch had arrived at the local precinct, you could feel the Chief’s eyes lingering on him. At first, it was subtle—a little too much eye contact, a smile that lasted just a fraction longer than necessary. You didn’t think much of it, chalking it up to her trying to be friendly. But as the days wore on, her attention became impossible to ignore. She was practically hovering over Hotch at every opportunity, leaning in too close, her hand grazing his arm under the guise of handing him files. It was infuriating.

What made it worse was that Hotch, ever the professional, remained oblivious—or at least, he pretended to be. It was one of the things you loved most about him: his ability to keep his cool under pressure, always staying focused on the case. But this? This was testing your limits.

You’d been dating Aaron for nearly six months now. It had started slow, after that moment in the conference room when he confessed his feelings for you. But what you had was real, and it was strong. You’d been through a lot together, and the rest of the team knew about the relationship. They’d accepted it, even supported it—after all, they knew better than anyone how much Aaron needed someone to lean on after everything he’d been through.

But Jenny Montgomery didn’t seem to care. And you were not in the mood to play nice.

It was the third time that day that she’d sidled up to Hotch during a meeting, her body language screaming interest. You were across the room with Spencer and Rossi, trying to keep your attention on the case file in front of you, but your eyes kept drifting back to the two of them. Every time she laughed—loudly, unnecessarily—you felt your grip on your pen tighten.

Spencer glanced up at you, clearly noticing your growing tension. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you muttered through gritted teeth, not taking your eyes off the pair. Hotch was standing there, arms crossed, looking as stoic as ever while Chief Montgomery laughed at something he’d said. But you knew him too well. You saw the slight tightening of his jaw, the way his eyes flickered with discomfort. He wasn’t enjoying this any more than you were.

You stood abruptly, unable to take it any longer. “Excuse me.”

You didn’t storm over—that wasn’t your style. But your footsteps were firm, your body language making it clear that you were not to be trifled with.

“—and I was just telling Agent Hotchner that we have this great little spot in town if he wanted to join me for—”

“That won’t be necessary,” you interrupted, your voice calm but laced with a steel edge. “Agent Hotchner already has plans.”

Montgomery’s eyes flickered with surprise, but she quickly recovered, giving you a tight smile. “Oh? I wasn’t aware.”

You smiled back, but it didn’t reach your eyes. “You are now.”

The tension in the room thickened, but you didn’t care. You weren’t going to stand by and let this woman flirt with your boyfriend right in front of you. Hotch shifted beside you, his lips twitching as if he was trying to suppress a smile. He hadn’t said a word, but you could tell he was enjoying this—probably far more than he should.

Montgomery’s smile faltered. “Well, I didn’t mean to intrude. I just thought—”

“You’ve been ‘just thinking’ all week,” you said, your voice still deceptively calm. “But let me make something clear: Aaron is taken. He’s with me. So, whatever little lunch date you had planned? Cancel it.”

The silence that followed was deafening. You could feel eyes on you—from your team, from the officers nearby. You didn’t care. Chief Montgomery stood frozen for a moment, clearly not used to being spoken to like that. She stammered something under her breath and walked away, her face flushed with embarrassment.

As soon as she was out of earshot, you let out a long breath, the adrenaline coursing through you. You half expected Hotch to give you a stern look, to remind you about professionalism and keeping your cool.

But instead, he laughed.

It started as a small chuckle, then grew into full-blown laughter—the kind that had him clutching his stomach, gasping for air as he tried and failed to compose himself. His face turned red, and the sound echoed through the precinct, drawing even more eyes in your direction.

You stared at him in disbelief. “Aaron, are you—”

He shook his head, still laughing too hard to speak. His laughter was so out of character that the entire team was gaping at him like he’d lost his mind. Even Spencer looked confused, his brows furrowed as if he were trying to solve a puzzle.

“Hotch?” Morgan ventured, his voice laced with amusement. “You good, man?”

Hotch wiped tears from his eyes, finally managing to catch his breath. “I’m fine,” he gasped, his voice still thick with laughter. “I just—oh, God—I’ve never seen you like that, Y/N. You—” He dissolved into laughter again, leaning against the nearest desk for support.

You couldn’t help but smile, even as you felt the heat rise in your cheeks. “You’re not mad?”

“Mad?” Hotch looked at you, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Y/N, that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve never seen anyone shut someone down like that.”

“I wasn’t going to stand there and let her flirt with you.”

“Clearly,” he said, still grinning. “And for the record, I would’ve turned her down myself if you hadn’t beaten me to it.”

You folded your arms, trying to hide your own amusement. “You didn’t exactly seem in a hurry to stop her.”

Hotch stepped closer, his smile softening as he reached out to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. “I didn’t need to. I knew you’d handle it.”

His touch sent a wave of warmth through you, and suddenly, the tension you’d been carrying all week melted away. “Next time, maybe I’ll let you handle it.”

He chuckled, his hand resting on the small of your back. “Deal.”

As he leaned in to kiss you, you heard Morgan’s voice in the background. “Okay, seriously, Hotch, what the hell just happened?”

You pulled back from the kiss, glancing over at the team. They were all staring, clearly still in shock at what had just transpired. Rossi had an amused smile on his face, and even JJ was shaking her head in disbelief.

“Long story,” you said with a grin. “But trust me, it was worth it.”

As you turned back to Hotch, you saw the love in his eyes—so much deeper than words could ever express. And you knew, without a doubt, that whatever challenges came your way, you and Aaron would face them together.

And if anyone ever crossed the line again, well… they’d better be ready for round two.

@pear-1206

139 notes · View notes

theresattrpgforthat · 13 days ago

Note

Any recs for pick up and play/no prep ttrpgs?

THEME: Pick Up & Play!

Hello there, you’ll probably find a bunch of one-shots in this collection, as I find one-shots tend to gear a bit more towards low-prep play.

Lost Goths From Beyond, by goblin goulash.

You are not from around here. Maybe you’re dead (you sure liked playing the part anyway). Maybe you’re in Hell (your parents warned you). Maybe you found a Victorian city in your dreams. Maybe you come from the Realm of Fairies, or a timeline stuck in the 90s, or a planet far far away… Well you’re here now, and you gotta do what you gotta do to get back. And you intend to do it in style. High heel, black leather, smoky eye style. You’re a Goth from Beyond, and you’re here on a Mission!

Lost Goths from Beyond is a stylish, rules-light TTRPG for 1-5 Goths and 1 GM.

As a hack of Lasers & Feelings, Lost Goths from Beyond is meant to be quick in execution, with obstacles coming up as you roll - and for that reason I think it doesn’t really require much prep. I’d say that the most you’ll have to do is actually collaborative at the table - deciding the setting and limits of your characters, and determining what subject matter you do or do not want to explore in your game.

I have two things I like about this game - one is the layout, how clean and succinct it is, communicating the vibe while keeping the instructions short and to the point. The other is the thirteen special items you can choose from to give your Gogh character their own unique thing - whether that be nail polish that turns you invisible, a body piercing that emits light, or stylish sunglasses that can see in the infrared.

Christ Heist, by shawk games.

ALL ABOARD… It’s 1907 and you’ve been down on your luck. Jobs are drying up, wars are being waged, and the west is growing. As luck would have it, your reputation precedes you: as a storied felon, you and your crew have been forged through indominable industry expertise and pulled together for one last job: Rob the Church.

It was a dangerous journey to Kansas City – but you all know your roles, and you know what you need to do: trick the laity in St. Anthony’s Chapel Car out of their tithes, make off with the Solid Gold Jesus Crucifix, and exit the train in Denver before anyone notices.

Heist games are excellent for one-shot games, and this heist is built on the fabulous Honey Heist rules, which are designed for little to no prep. Because you’re robbing a train, the game comes with a timetable for each of the train’s stops, which can be placed in front of each player so they can come up with a plan on the fly. As per Honey Heist tradition, you also have a series of roll-tables for the GM to help design the Chapel Car of the train and the nature of Bishop Bartholomew, as well as the kinds of complications to make your heist interesting!

The Quick, The Quiet & The Dead, by Whimsynaut Games.

Play as a group of survivors, working together to survive the night from a random table of horrors. Will you be escaping an alien spider in a rusting theme park, an eldritch horror in an abandoned campsite or a murderous cyborg aboard a cargo ship in a storm?

Another Lasers & Feelings hack, this game also gives the GM some roll-tables to generate a situation on the fly. The basic setting is that you’re surviving some kind of horror scenario, but you can cater the scenario to fit the style of horror movie you’re interested in. If there’s a horror setting that you like, you can probably layer that over this game to give yourself a quick horror rush.

If you’re not a bit horror fan, I definitely recommend checking out the broader world of Lasers & Feelings!

The Head, by forkfrenzy.

Vassago's body lays before you. His head is in your backpack. The labyrinth goes on forever. It’s your home. It’s everyone’s home. Maybe you'll get out some day, but right now you have to deliver this head to the Duchess.

The Head is a 1-page, 1-session roleplaying game (RPG) by Levon Jihanian — set in a mysterious, labyrinthine world. The player characters have just cut off Vassago’s head and are tasked with delivering it to the Dutchess, who lives at the palace at the center of the labyrinth. The game builds on the mechanics of Fuck! It’s Dracula and The Agony of Elves.

I don’t own the rules document for The Head, but I did find a copy of the rules for Fuck! It’s Dracula, which is about 200 words long and fairly simple. The game appears to go through a various number of phases, with roll-tables used to both generate characters as well as events that will bring you closer and closer to the narrative climax.

It looks like much of the details behind the main premise are also meant to be explored during play, which I also take as a sign of low to no-prep. If you ‘re coming up with the lore as you play, you don’t need to prepare it beforehand!

Loom of Blood, by curubethion.

Spin your webs of fear through the night, from the corners where you lurk.

Loom of Blood is a game of unfolding horror: sketch out the strokes of unsuspecting lives, and then uproot them into murderous mayhem. Build your own horror movie franchise with your friends, and delve deep into a tangled tapestry of wickedness, bloodshed, and frail humanity.

Loom of Blood is collaborative, and for that reason, I think it’s a great option for a no-prep tabletop game. I find that GM-less games still typically require a person to exist in a facilitator role, so you might have to read through the pdf before you sit down to play, but each beat of the story is introduced in the process of play - try to come up with too much beforehand, and you’ll probably feel like you’re trying to turn the story in a direction it wasn’t naturally set up to go.

On your turn, you’ll introduce either a Moment, a Fool, or a Mirage to the story. Moments are descriptive phrases that introduce a new horror to the scene, like the rustling of trees, or a scream of something “neither animal nor human.” A Fool is a character doomed to stumble into the danger, their death perhaps not imminent, but likely to happen before the story is over. A Mirage is a place that feels safe, a location that fills out the map of your story.

The elements of this story feel somewhat similar to I’m sorry did you stay street magic, which is also beautifully collaborative, as well as a game I’d consider no or low-prep. If you want a game of collaboration that leads you through each step, you might be interested in Loom of Blood.

Let’s Kill the King, by Obli-Awa.

The revolution has begun. The people cry out for justice and, as night falls on the capital city, they have swarmed its streets in righteous fury, pitchforks aloft and torches blazing. The guard have locked things down as best they can, but you, you lucky few, have made it over the wall; managed to slip into the castle thus far unnoticed. Tonight, the old order falls. You will be the regicides who bring it crashing down.

A TTRPG designed to indulge in the fantasy of bringing corrupt leaders to the justice they so richly deserve by our own damned hands, LET'S KILL THE KING offers 2-4 players and 1 game master a raucous couple hours of manic, king-hunting glory. Absolutely no preparation of any kind is needed from either GMs or PCs: encounters are generated via table and the basics of who a character is can be rolled on the spot.

Games like this one, which have a very strong premise and a very clear goal, are often really good options for folks who want little to no prep. You are sitting down knowing what all of you want - to kill the King - and you also have a few other facts that are already determined for you, such as the fact that you’re hunting through the Castle, so you have a good idea of the limits of what you might or might not find. I’m also a big big fan of the fact that you have two clocks that you can use to track your progress - one for the Hunt of the king, and one for the King’s escape!

Black Bars, by HMLW.

Black Bars is a roleplaying game for three people about slipping secrets past censors that want to prevent the TRUTH from getting out. One of you will play the Whistleblower, the one that creates the Secret and the Messages. Another will be the Censor, redacting the Messages whilst trying to discover the Secret yourself. The last of you is the Decoder, receiving a heavily obfuscated Message and tasked with finding out the Secret.

The prerequisites for Black Bars are pretty specific (3 players only), but I really like the goals for your characters here. A game about trying to code, decode and redact messages, you can invent all of your own reasons for why these messages are being sent and obfuscated, but you can also play competitively, which might allow for a nice transition from boardgames into roleplaying games, if that’s a background that your players share.

Goblin Errands, by Sharkbomb Studios.

Goblin Errands is a no-prep RPG for 2 to 4 goblins and one Tall Person. Together you'll go on comical (mis)adventures trying to complete seemingly mundane tasks as you struggle with a world not designed for you.

You've just joined a new family of goblins and you are determined to prove yourself useful. Clearly, the best way to do so is by running errands for the community.

Unfortunately as a goblin you live in a world made for folk much bigger and stronger than you. And on top of that you have only a single brain cell to work with - and one that you have to share with your fellow goblins. Even otherwise ordinary everyday tasks turn into hilarious challenges.

A lighthearted game with cute misadventures, Goblin Errands describes itself as a game about “solidarity among the unrecognized” - folks who don’t fit in to the infrastructure of the world as it is. It’s a game about underdogs, but the stakes feel rather low, so this might be a great palette cleanser, or a nice way to start roleplaying with a group of people you don’t know as well.

While the game styles itself as a no-prep one shot, you’ll probably have to do a bit of reading beforehand, just to make sure you know how the rules work. Character creation looks like it needs to happen at the beginning of the game, since you generate something called the kenn together. The fact that the goblins are sorted into playbooks signals easy of entry to me, since playbooks often provide all of the information you need to know about your character in one place.

When it comes to running the game, the GM will roll to generate an errand, but I think the obstacles and challenges that arise will likely become apparent thanks to the collaborative worldbuilding that happens before you create the characters.

Also For Your Consideration...

Low Improv Games

Zero-Prep Characters / One Shots

Holdfast Station, by Lampblack & Brimstone.

If you like what I do, consider leaving me a tip on Ko-Fi!

#low prep #no prep #one-shots #tabletop games #indie ttrpgs #game recommendations #dnd #asks #indie ttrpg

60 notes · View notes

snowdropluck204 · 9 months ago

Text

A Date With Death - Spencer Reid x Unsub Fem! Reader

Hi my lovelies! After a lot of people seemed interested in this story, namely a few that commented who I am tagging below! If anyone wants to be tagged in these chapters from now on, let me know! I am going to try and plan this out okay, I'll post a separate post with the release dates of the chapters! With that! Enjoy!

Also, I'm a Brit writing about America... Specifically Colorado! So if there is anyone from there that would be willing to help me, please do!

Tag List: @vexis-world @inexplicableeee @flowercrownsandtrauma

TW: Murder, gore, blood, vomit, mentions of rapists, pedophiles, abuse, y/n being mistaken for male.

Spencer pov

The BAU hadn't had a case like this for a while...

This case had gotten media attention across the country, further even. All because this unsub was doing things that many a soul had thought about, hell even acted upon, the difference between their unsub and the average person, is that he was getting away with it.

For the last month, bodies had been cropping up all over Denver, Colorado, all with the same MO. People, both men and women, had been found dead in different locations, the only things that the victims had in common were the ways they were killed and that they were all once convicted of a crime. These crimes have ranged from rape, domestic abuse, paedophilia and stalking, but each of the victims had been killed using three consecutive methods.

As the car arrived at the scene of the crime, the body being found outside his own home, I wasn't massively shocked to see the crowd of media representatives surrounding the scene, I was a little perturbed to see a separate crowd of protesters.

"How many of them are there?" I asked confused, "God the street is crawling with them!" Morgan nodded from beside me, as we both stepped out of the car. Hotch grumbled under his breath, "Clearly the local cops didn't secure the area very well." The reporters seemed to have noticed us, we weren't exactly inconspicuous in our suits and sunglasses, but we still flashed the badge, asking them to move as politely as we could.

Immediately we were swarmed, questions being fired at us left and right, "Do you have any idea who was behind this killing?" "What is being done to keep this community safe?" "Why has it taken this long for the FBI to become involved?"

We tried to answer as many as we could without giving away too much of the investigation, including how little had been discovered so far. The police here had no leads, so we were working off of very little, and, until we had analysed the crime scene, we had no working profile of the unsub to make up a suspect list. This was square one...

Morgan walked over to the protesters, myself following close behind, they were all carrying banners or picket signs, they each read various forms of propaganda, 'He's Saving Lives', 'Let Him Live', 'Grim Will Save US.' I tilted my head as we walked closer to the crowd. Derek very clearly hadn't assessed the situation as strongly...

"Don't you worry folks, we'll have this guy behind bars soon!" He called out, trying to get the group to leave peacefully, only to get angry faces and practically being spat at.

"Why? He's doing what our government is too scared to do now! I say let him go!" A woman cried, beginning a chant of, 'Let Him Go.' The chanting became louder, Hotch began seeming more nervous as they advanced. He turned to shout over his shoulder at the local police.

"Can you hold them back please?" At the authority in his voice, the cops quickly rushed to attention, herding Morgan and myself into the front yard. The crime scene.

The body had been placed, almost gently, into the flowerbed in the front yard, some of the blood that decorated his body had even been mopped up. "Do we have an ID on the victim yet?" I asked Hotch, receiving a negative, apparently the neighbours knew of the victim, knew that he lived here, but rarely spoke to him and didn't know his name, so I crouched down to see what we were working with.

This victim's demise, also followed the same MO of the last seven victims the unsub had killed. Each of the victims before this one, had been killed with three separate methods, asphyxiation, the throat was slit and then the victim was garroted. "Reid." Hotch asked from behind me, I turned to look at him, showing him he had my attention, "What have we got?"

I looked back to the body, fiddling with the gloves on my hands, "The victim seems to have been killed in the same methods of the unsub's MO, it's called the threefold death, it's a religious method of killing going as far back as Druid-Irish folklore. The threefold death obviously entailed a person being killed three separate times, in this case, asphyxiation, a form of stabbing and then a mixture of the two... It was said that this method of death was saved and used as a punishment for those who didn't deserve to die only once..." I told them, trying to be as concise as possible.

Hotch nodded, whilst Morgan began taking a closer look at the garrote around the man's neck. Each of the previous victims had been convicted of a crime, violent and sometimes sexual in nature. Each of the garrotes used seemed to be personalised, a single word scratched roughly into the wooden handle of them, this garrote in particular had the word, 'ABUSER' carved into the grain of the wood.

Morgan pulled out his phone, pressing it to his ear, "Babygirl, newest victim apparently has a history of abuse or domestic violence, can you work your magic?"

I focused back on the body.

Like all the previous victims, the body was as clean as the unsub could get it, he seemed to have cleaned up any blood that pooled on the skin, before laying them to rest, in an almost respectful manner. Laid flat on their backs, hands and arms crossed over their torso, with a single white lily laced delicately between their fingers. The only thing that didn't seem as respectful, was the plastic bag tired around their face, using the same garrote that was used to kill them. I decided to speak up my thoughts to Hotch.

"The unsub almost seems to have feelings of remorse, the funeral like way of displaying the bodies is another part of his signature, strange for what we would assume is just a spree killer, it's more likely that he was targeting these people, or that there was an extreme trigger involved.

"The white lily represents the transience of life and the emotions of grief and mourning, also strange for your average serial killer. There is the possibility that the unsub knew his victims before he killed them... That could prove that he has anti-social personality disorder, he's trying to replicate an emotion he has seen around death, like copying the process of mourning at a funeral." I finished, even I felt confused...

Hotch nodded along, before the three of us walked over to the front door of the victim's home, judging by the track marks through the blood, the victim was murdered in the home and dragged out to the garden. "The unsub must have been surveying the house and the neighbours, because most of them work nights or have late night activities, the victim was found outside his home at around one in the morning. Somehow, the unsub made his way into the home, killed this guy using three separate methods and dragged the body out of the home and positioned it the way he wanted in a small window of about three hours." I told the room.

Hotch nodded, following the trail of blood around the house, leading to a chair in the middle of the kitchen, the kitchen tile had a clear tarp laid over it, the chair on top, both were coated in a thick layer of dried blood, the knife used to slit his throat wasn't at the scene, so the unsub still had it...

(y/n) pov

The sting in my throat and eyes was horrid as I retched into the toilet bowl, the tears running down my face were falling hot and fast. Eventually, the vomiting stopped, I took a deep breath, now that I could, I flushed the toilet and shuddered.

I stood up, my legs shaking, almost buckling underneath me, I stumbled my way to the sink, looking up I saw myself in the mirror, the blood spattered across my face, my arms, my hands. My eyes were different to how they used to be, they were clouded by this grief, this agony I didn't know how to get rid of anymore. The colour was faded, the whites were blemished with deep red veins and my pupils were so dilated, so scared. Memories of the night flashed behind my eyes.

I was walking slowly, stalking forward, making my way to the front door of the house. I'd been watching the house for the last few weeks, he was a monster. Beat his previous wives, now he was alone. Beat his children, now he wasn't allowed to see them. The bastard was too scary for those poor women and children to keep charging him with the abuse, so now he was a free man...

Once I got to the door, I smiled seeing the electronic lock, I pressed a small device to the side of the lock, hearing a small buzz before the door clacked open. Taking my time, both so as not to alert my target and also partially dreading what I was about to do, I pushed open the front door, sneaking through the hallways, until I found the kitchen. The pig was drunk, he hadn't been home longer than half an hour, and he was almost passed out wasted, beer bottles lying around where he was sat on the couch, staring listlessly at the television.

I wobbled over to the shower, flinging back the curtain, my head reeling, I waddled carefully in, trying not to slip. I turned the shower head on, full blast, almost blistering hot, and began to scrub at my skin as hard as I possibly could. The water ran off of me in dark red waves, before they faded to pink and then clear. Once all the bloody water was sucked down the drain, I finally began to relax, which was a mistake.

I slunk up to the guy, leaning behind him before pulling out a plastic bag, the crunching sound of the bag alerted him. He turned and met my face, hidden by a mask, a cheap, crappy masquerade mask, a candy skull, hiding my face. A flash of realisation on James' face made me fear he had recognised me, instead, he began to stutter. "You're h-him, aren't you? The k-killer, t-the Reaper?" He whimpered. Coward. I leapt forward, wrapping the bag around his face and pulling.

I curled myself into the corner of the shower floor, the hot water making me more dizzy and in a deeper haze as tears filled my eyes.

"Please..." He kept begging, pleaded with me to spare his life as he tried to rock himself back and forth in the chair he was now tied to, "I'm sorry! I haven't gone near my family since the restraining order!" He shrieked, the most pathetic sounding noise. I almost spat at him, "Then your a liar as well as a beater." I growled, once he heard my voice, he realised that I wasn't the guy everyone was thinking of. "You're a pathetic excuse of human life, weak. You target the people who you're supposed to care for, children, your own wife." I snarled, stalking forward with a small, but extremely sharp, hunting knife.

The blood went everywhere, the walls, David James' face and clothes, the floor, me. The smell was metallic and bitter, it made me feel vile, hideous, tainted.

He was gasping, struggling for breath as I wrapped the bag around his face again, pulled out the garrote, bound the bag taut around his neck and began twisting, the wire digging painfully into the deep gash already across his neck. Eventually, he stopped struggling, stopped breathing. I let go of the garrote, the handle provoking me with my own handwriting, PAEDOPHILE. Taunting both David James, the beater and myself. (y/n) (l/n), the reaper.

I placed him in his car, and drove the short while down to the cemetery, I huffed as I pulled James' body out of the trunk, dropping him rather unceremoniously outside the gates, in a patch of half dead grass. I closed his eyes through the plastic bag, crossed his arms over his chest, and threaded a single white lily through his hands. After I had finished, I stood slowly, bowing my head, a moment of silence for the deceased, however undeserved it may be.

I left the shower, the water still dripping off of my body quickly becoming cold. I knew there would be little to no physical evidence that I was at the scene. I shuddered once again, the shiver continuing down my body. I quickly got changed and curled up in my bed, trying to remember who I was doing all of this for...

Spencer pov

After examining the crime scene, we all went back to the station, Garcia's face appearing on the laptop screen as we began to review the case, what we knew so far. Gideon was writing on the whiteboard, pictures of the victims taped to the surface, annotations lining them. Elle was pacing the room, fiddling with a pen as she asked about the scene and, in turn, the unsub.

"The protesters outside, they sounded like they were supporting him, how popular is this unsub?" She asked, Garcia quickly typing up on her computer, finding the information in quick keystrokes.

"Oh, he's huge, most of Denver population believe that he's saving their children and friends, he's only killing off people who were convicted of a crime, there's never any witnesses, never any tips called in. These people believe that the government was wrong to get rid of capital punishment in Colorado, that these people deserved it.

"A lot of people also think that the unsub deserves the death penalty too, but that he's some sort of public figure, he knew the risks and the punishment, but took out those who were a risk to their society. The unsub has a lot of names, The Grim Reaper, Charon, The Wraith, lot of mythological connotations..."

I sat, stuck, staring at the whiteboard. "What's going on in that big, beefy brain?" I heard Garcia ask, I finally looked up at the team, all looking at me worried. I felt my brow furrow further as I stood and walked quickly, over to the board. There were seven victims up on the board, the ones we had found, who knew if there were more. Now there was an eighth.

"None of this makes sense." I murmured, "All of the evidence contradicts itself, we can't make a linear profile of the unsub..." I trailed my hands along the pictures, "The unsub should be someone who shows little to no emotion, but he sets his victims to rest in a nice place, with flowers, almost mourns them. He gruesomely murders his victims with an ancient religious process, only to have no showing of any other religious motif or ritualistic killing.

"They clearly have been watching their victims, their neighbours, their homes, but there is no physical evidence of that! The places the victims are left were proved by relatives to be special to them, so the unsub leaving the bodies there shows some sentiment and that, somehow, the unsub knew them but none of the victims had ever met each other and have no social circles in common with one another!"

I had never felt so frustrated and confused. Hotch patted me on the shoulder as I sat down again, running a hand through my hair. He began a pep talk that always begins the investigation, "True remorse from the unsub might only be capable if they were compelled to commit the killing for reasons unknown to even them, or he's being forced to..."

#cute #love #fanfiction #romance #x reader #comfort #open requests #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #x fem!reader #murder #unsub!reader #angst #cw: gore

152 notes · View notes

elderscrollsconceptart · 8 months ago

Text

Text below is transcribed from Ray Lederer's 2012 blogpost about Adam Adamowicz after Adam had passed away.

Both were artists on Skyrim and shared an office together. They were very very close.

---

[Ray Lederer (L) and Adam Adamowicz (R)]

-Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I first met Adam when I started working at a tiny game development studio in Boulder, Colorado back in 1998 called Devil’s Thumb Entertainment. I walked into the studio on my first day of work and I’m pretty sure The Cramps were playing full blast from his general direction. There he was, sun baked and surrounded with what at the time I assumed were rare Jaimie Hewlett sketches pasted up around him, loads of cds and flyers for rockabilly rollerderby raver chicks with squids on their heads. ‘Welcome to the monster factory!’ he said and I thought instantly ‘Oh hell yeah! I came to the right place!’ It didn’t take long to figure out that what I thought were Jaimie Hewlett drawings were actually his and to be quite honest were 10 times more appealing and hilarious. (No offense Jaimie!)

When I finally got the chance to see his apartment in Denver I realized I was stepping into the mind of a creative genius. His entire apartment from floor to ceiling, front to back was covered with his paintings, massive cardboard sculptural cat like gargoyles, christmas lights, intricate costumes (designed with little more than a leather jacket, cheap sombrero, toys from a thrift shop, black and silver spray paint and hot glue) flyers for previous rent parties from his old warehouse, Tank Girl comics, Low Rider and American Artist magazines, Thomas Pynchon novels and a constant stream of music. Every square inch was interesting and VITAL and ALIVE. This was an intellect far beyond anyone else I’d ever met and there was not a single hint of pretentiousness to him. His entire life was a beautifully structured and disciplined chaos. Even then I began to see that not only was I in the presence of greatness, I was in the presence of one of the more important illustrators of the late 20th and early 21st centuries. He just didn’t know it yet and neither did anyone else. Quite frankly he wouldn’t give a shit if someone gave him that label. He simply wanted to come up with more ideas and get better at drawing. Period.

Since then we got into many beer soaked adventures that sometimes included late night bike rides through the city streets of Denver with a boom-box strapped to the back blasting Big Audio Dynamite with sparklers hanging off the handlebars(and some stiches on the scalp of yours truly). Dangerously drunken skateboarding with cap guns, ditching psychedelic parties to go laugh our asses off and throw giant rocks in a frozen river, concerts, weekend long patio surfing tours in the Colorado summers, trips to the reservoir to float around wearing finely crafted and thrilling 12pack headgear, lunchtime bike rides up to our favorite outdoor patio Rhumba in Boulder for $2 Red Stripes and then back to work again, and many hours working close to him and learning as much as I could about being an artist and a better human being. He once said to me “I may not be Mozart, but at least I can try to be the Pixies.” He just wanted to entertain people in any way he could.

In his last few days we spent together in the hospital we sat on his hospital bed listening to music for hours, talking, and drawing in our sketchbooks. Our conversations were tinted with what was happening for him in the moment certainly, but mostly we talked about friends, art, music, and life. We spoke without much nostalgia or finality, just very real and present and forward looking despite the circumstances. He kept drawing until he couldn't possibly draw anymore, squeezing every last ounce he could out of life, just as he always had.

Watch papa go to work.

I love you Adam. You continue to be my friend, mentor, and greatest inspiration

---

Original post can be found here:

#adam adamowicz #rip adam adamowicz #ray lederer #the elder scrolls #tes #in memoriam #skyrim

57 notes · View notes

ramblingoak · 1 year ago

Text

The Cardinal's Bride, Chapter 9: Denver State of Mind

~~ Please visit The Outlaw Brides Masterpost to catch up and read more stories from this world ~~

Thank you to @tasty-ribz for the wanted poster and to @ghuleh-recs for the collage! For some more amazing fanart check out: @meowsaidmissy (1 / 2), @snail-shell2335 here, @vahvco here, @ghulehgwen here, @rabidghoul here, @nocterish here, @enjoy-my-swearing here, @blacktie-whitenoise (1 /2), @z-xmyers (1/2/3/4), @foxybouquet here, @delulluart here, @mustluvecho here, _simpera_ on instagram and valkyrieinpink on twitter. Also a huge thank you to @kissingghouls for all her help and emotional support.

Cardinal Copia x Female Reader ~ You finally learn what happened to the gang in Denver, but as your time at the farmhouse comes to an end you can't help but worry what the future holds.

Warnings: swearing, violence, angst, fluff, nsfw 18+ only, mdni, 6,300 words

~~~ Two Years Ago ~~~

“Hey shitheads, I have a plan.”

“Swiss, did you hear something?” Copia was focused on the cards in his hand, idly shuffling them around. “Also it’s your turn, stronzo.”

“All I hear is the sound of you desperately moving your cards around.” Swiss grabbed a few chips and tossed them towards the small pile in the middle of the table. When Sunshine shot her hand out and grabbed them before they landed he slammed his cards down. “Goddammit, Sunshine.”

“Didn’t you hear me?”

“Yes, Sunshine, we heard you.” Copia leaned his chair back on its back legs and smirked at the Ghoulette. “We’re just not interest–cazzo!”

Copia grunted when he fell backwards, Sunshine having kicked at the leg of his chair and pushing it over. He continued to curse in Italian as he jumped up onto his feet and glared down at the smirking Ghoulette.

“Do you want to listen now?”

“The last plan of yours we listened to nearly got half of us hanged.” Swiss had set his cards down and crossed his arms as he glared at her. “Also I got shot.”

The Ghoulette shrugged and reached over to swipe Swiss’s cards, clicking her tongue when she looked them over.

“Well lucky us, you survived. This hand is terrible, why are you betting on this?”

Swiss growled and grabbed his cards back, but after looking them over again he shook his head and threw them down onto the table.

“I nearly lost my arm!” When Copia snorted, Swiss looked over and glared at him. The glare deepened as he watched his boss drag the pile of chips over and start neatly stacking them with his others. “That hand shouldn’t count.”

“You’re only saying that because you lost.”

“I lost because of interference.”

“Eh, you would’ve lost anyway with that hand.” Swiss jumped up and attempted to grab Copia’s discarded cards but Copia slapped his hand away. “Fuck off.”

“You fuck off, show me your cards.” When Swiss reached out for them again Sunshine was the one to move his hand out of the way. She grabbed his wrist, twisting his arm at a painful angle until he grunted and slapped the table with his other hand. “Ok! Ok, fucking fuck.”

The three settled back into their chairs, Copia shuffling the deck and starting to deal the next hand. Sunshine cleared her throat a few times, glancing at Copia and Swiss after each one. When neither man gave her attention she growled and hit her fist on the table.

“Doesn’t anyone want to hear my plan?!” When Copia and Swiss continued to ignore her she took a deep breath before continuing. “It involves Saltarian.”

She grinned when Copia’s eyebrows popped up and he set his cards down as he turned her way.

“You have my attention.”

“Finally! Alright so I got some information this morning an–”

“Wait, wait.” Copia waved his hand back and forth while shaking his head. “Who gave you this information?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.” He leaned back in his chair, staring her down for a moment. “It wasn’t Cowbell was it?”

“I don’t trust Cowbell to tell me the weather when we’re outside.”

“Okie dokie. Continue.”

“Thank you. Ok, so word is that some business associate of Salty’s from overseas has moved to Denver to open a new branch of his bank. Frank Holden. Salty has invested in his for a very large sum of money.”

“How large?” Sunshine glanced over at Swiss. “Like, worth ‘getting shot at’ large?”

“Have you ever stopped to think about why you’re getting shot at all the time?”

“Yes and I’ve decided it’s because of you and your stupid fucking plans.”

“Children, children, can we focus? Per favore?” Copia looked pointedly at Sunshine until she sat back down, sheathing the knife she had pulled out. “Alright, bene. Keep going.”

“Well, there’s going to be a big party at this guy’s mansion to celebrate the grand opening, but it’s happening before the safe is delivered to the bank. So Salty’s investment will be sitting somewhere in this guy’s house.”

“Sitting somewhere being guarded.” Copia scratched at the stubble on his chin for a moment. “Do we know how much money?”

“Enough to start a bank branch in a rich town.”

Copia grunted and stared down at the table in silence, only glancing back up when Swiss spoke.

“So far I haven’t heard a plan.”

“That’s because you both keep keep fucking interrupting me!”

Sunshine froze when a shadow loomed over her. Both Swiss and Copia suddenly seemed extremely interested in their cards and wouldn’t look her way. She sighed knowing that only one person in the casino, or anywhere, would have that effect on them. She plastered a smile on her face and spun around to greet the newcomer.

“Bone Daddy!”

Secondo just loomed for a few beats, glaring at his brother and the two Ghouls.

“Why aren’t you working?”

“We’re on break, fratello.”

“I don’t give you breaks. Sunshine, shouldn’t you be singing?”

“Nope I switched with Aurora.” She smiled sweetly up at Secondo while batting her eyelashes. “Kid’s got a set of pipes on her.”

“Si, that’s why I pay her. Coincidentally it’s also why I pay you, but yet here you are playing cards.” He turned his attention to Swiss. “You’re supposed to be tending bar.”

“I switched with Aurora too.”

“So she’s singing and serving drinks?”

“Yeah she’s super talent–ow! Ok, ok Papa!” Swiss jerked his shoulder out of Secondo’s grasp, nearly toppling his chair over in the process. “Sorry.”

“You have thirty minutes to get back to work.” When Copia started to open his mouth Secondo shot him a glare that kept the younger man silent. “Thirty. Minutes.”

The trio was quiet for a while after Secondo left, the only noises were the shuffling of cards although none of them were actually thinking of what was in their hands. Copia eventually cleared his throat and laid his cards face down on the table.

“So. Denver.” Sunshine grinned at him and waggled her eyebrows. “When is that money being delivered?”

“According to my source it'll be at this guy's house in a few days.”

“So no chance of intercepting it then.” The two Ghouls knew Copia was mostly talking to himself as he mulled the information over in his mind. “We’ll have to find a way into his house.”

“There’s gonna be a lot of guards.” Swiss had laid his own cards down before leaning back in his chair. “Big city like that? It’s gonna be a lot of money.”

“Si, it won’t be easy.” Copia clicked his tongue and then pointed at Swiss. “We could pretend to be guards.”

“Oh please, those bastards’ll recognize you immediately.” The Ghoul tapped his fingers on the table’s edge a few times before grinning. “How about doing it the old fashioned way with dynamite?”

“When will you and Dewdrop learn that blowing things up doesn’t actually fucking help?”

“It’s better than your id–hey!”

Swiss and Copia both flinched when a handful of poker chips hit them in their faces courtesy of Sunshine. The Ghoulette was glaring at them both, that familiar fire in her eyes that let them both know she was seconds from moving onto throwing sharper things at them.

“How about both of you shut up about your shitty plans and listen to mine, the actual plan.”

“Like you have a better idea?”

Sunshine rolled her eyes at Swiss, “Oh you mean better than dynamite? Yeah, I do.” She turned and smirked at Copia, “We’ll be getting into the house, but not as guards.”

“As what then? They’ll still recognize Copia.”

“Not if we clean and dress him up a bit.” When Copia raised his eyebrow at her she grinned, slamming her hands down on the table in excitement. “This is gonna work! I can feel it!”

“Lucifer’s balls Sunshine, just fucking tell us.”

They all flinched when Secondo’s voice came booming out from behind them. The trio looked over to see him glaring at them from across the common area the Ghouls used.

“Ten minutes!”

When Secondo was out of earshot Copia stood up, grabbing his whiskey glass and downing the rest before slamming it back down onto the table.

“Fuck it. Will it just be us?” Sunshine shoved her chair back, nodding to Copia as she stood up. “I’m in. Swiss?”

“Let’s see…stick around here and serve drinks or ride to Denver and have a good time? That’s a tough one.”

“Okie dokie.” Copia glanced towards the hallway to check for his brother before turning back to his Ghouls. “Get your shit and meet me outside in five minutes.”

Sunshine pumped a fist into the air and immediately took off towards her room. Swiss got up a little more slowly, raising an eyebrow at Copia as he stood up.

“Still don’t know what this plan involves.”

“Knowing Sunshine? Probably a lot of knives.” Copia slapped a hand on Swiss’s shoulder while flashing the Ghoul a grin. “Maybe a little dynamite.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

“But who’s the girl?”

Sunshine stopped arguing with Swiss and turned back towards you, “The girl?”

“You said it started with a girl, but I haven’t heard anything about a girl yet.”

“She was just trying to be dramatic Principessa, there’s not really a girl involved.”

“Oh yes there is.” Copia glared over at the Ghoulette, baring his teeth at her when Sunshine smirked at him. “I’m getting there!”

You smiled at Sunshine as you settled back against Copia. It felt silly to be hung up on some girl in Copia’s past, but you couldn’t help but remember what he had told you that night after Mary and Saltarian’s men had attacked you. Although he did laugh about it afterwards, it was obvious that his broken heart wasn’t the worst wound he had gotten. And you sincerely doubted whoever this girl was had actually broken his heart.

“Hey,” You looked up at Copia when he nudged your shoulder, “She was just some girl.”

“Like me?”

“You are far more than ‘some girl’ to me, Principessa.” Your eyes fell shut when he leaned in and pressed a kiss into your hair. His next words were said so quietly you almost missed them. “Far more.”

“You lovebirds done?” Copia groaned as he turned back towards Sunshine. “Lots of story left.”

“There’s not that much night left though so let’s speed things up here.”

“Hey! I’m trying to set the stage!” When Copia stared at her silently she sighed and hung her head. “Fine, fine. Well, we made it to Denver and got things in motion. The whole plan was contingent on being at this party so we had to work on getting ourselves in.”

“I still say we should have just blown up part of the house.” When everyone but Dewdrop turned to glare at Swiss he shrugged. “A very small part.”

“Anyway, I came up with the idea of Copia posing as some rich and interesting Italian lord, someone this banking guy would want to impress. Now obviously, rich and interesting is a stretch for our Cardinal, but I had confidence he could make it work.”

You were desperately trying to hold in your laughter, but when Copia looked down to glare at you the giggles bubbled out. He just looked so offended at Sunshine’s dig you couldn’t help it. After a moment he growled, his arm tightening around you right before he yanked you into his lap. You shrieked when his fingers dug into your sides and you desperately tried to wriggle away. Copia just held tighter, laughing as you twisted around.

“Stop, stop! I’m sorry!”

He immediately relented at your apology, but when you tried to move out of his lap his grip stayed firm. With a huff you settled back against him and attempted to smooth your hair out. When you glanced over at Sunshine you froze as you caught her eyes already on you and a big grin on her face.

“You guys done?” You hoped that she couldn’t see your blush, but you doubted it so you just nodded. “Ok so, we got your man cleaned up, into some decent clothes and then threw him to the wolves basically.”

“The wolves?”

“So my plan was to get invited to the thing and that involved parading Copia around town. Getting him seen. Swiss had the idea of putting a notice in the paper about a visiting Italian dignitary and that was the push we needed.” Sunshine swiped the whiskey bottle from Swiss’s hands and took a drink. “Next thing we knew Holden came calling to where Copia was staying wondering if he wanted to invest in his bank!”

“You’re leaving out the best part.” Sunshine turned to look at Swiss and you watched as they seemed to have a conversation with just their eyebrows. “Stop it, the best part was he brought his daughter.”

It wasn’t hard to miss Copia freezing behind you and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“Yeah it was obvious this guy had his own ulterior motive for meeting Copia. He wanted to set up a marriage agreement right there.” Sunshine noticed the look on your face and immediately corrected herself. “But he didn’t! I think Copia nearly choked to death on his breakfast when the guy brought it up.”

“No, I just had to go on playdates with her.”

You poked your finger into Copia’s side at that.

“Playdates?”

“Uh, si. Just parading her around town. Nothing fancy.”

Swiss snorted, slapping a hand over his mouth to stop from spitting out the swig of whiskey he just took.

“‘Nothing fancy?’ You bought her a damn horse!” He yelped when Sunshine turned and punched him in the chest. “Fuck, what? I was just telling the story.”

“Well shut the fuck up, I’m the one telling it.”

“Then fucking tell it! We’re gonna be here all night. Just skip to the fucking party.”

The two of them continued to argue with each other, Rain finally sighing from his spot next to Copia and getting up. He threw you a wink as he wandered over to the other side of the fire, settling in next to Mountain where he was talking with Aether and Dewdrop. You glanced down at your lap, picking at one of your nails for a moment before turning to the side a bit so you could look up at Copia.

“What was her name?”

“Hmm?” Copia leaned over and swiped up the bottle Rain had left behind, taking a quick drink before answering. “Whose name?”

Stupid dense cowboy.

“Her name. Holden's daughter.”

“Oh, eh.” You narrowed your eyes when he shot a glance towards Sunshine. She and Swiss were no longer arguing but the Ghoul was also on his back in the dirt clutching his stomach so that was probably why. “Cara.”

“That’s lovely.” It wasn’t, but the jealousy you were feeling was ridiculous. “A very pretty name.”

“Yeah but that isn’t her actual name, right boss?” Copia stiffened behind you at Swiss’s words. The Ghoul groaned as he slowly got back up and settled next to Sunshine again. “That’s just what you called her.”

“Wait, that’s her nickname?” You dug your elbow into Copia’s gut when he didn’t answer. “What’s her actual name?”

“I don’t remember.”

While Sunshine and Swiss burst out in laughter you just felt annoyed.

“You spent a few days romancing this girl and you can’t even remember her name?”

“A few days?” Sunshine snorted and pointed at Copia, “Try weeks!”

“It wasn’t fucking weeks! And I wasn’t romancing anyone.” He squeezed your waist and dropped his mouth close to your ear. “It was just for show, Principessa.”

“Do you know my name?”

You yelped when he nipped your ear lobe, squirming as his breath tickled your skin.

“You know I do, I remember saying it when you had my cock in your hands earlier.” He chuckled when you gasped, his hands tightening on your waist to keep you still. “Now stop squirming before I drag you back to the barn so we can do that again.”

With a little grin you settled back against him, eagerly taking a drink when he offered you the whiskey bottle.

“If you guys are done I’ll keep going.” Sunshine was smirking when you glanced over at her. “And for the sake of time I’ll skip to the party where everything went to absolute shit through no fault of my own.”

“This again? Belial, give it a rest Sunshine.”

“Fuck off Swiss, it was all mostly your fault anyway.”

“My fault?! I did exactly what you told me to do!”

“All I told you to do was create a distraction!”

“And I did, didn’t I?”

“I didn’t mean to distract them with your dick!”

“Then be more specific next time!”

It looked like the two of them were about to start fighting again but they froze when Copia called out to them.

“It took more than Swiss’s dick to ruin the plan Sunshine and you know it.” He grabbed the bottle back out of your hands and took another drink. “The unexpected guests didn’t help either.”

“If you would have let me kill Mary back in Montana they wouldn’t have gotten in the way at the party.”

“We still would have had to deal with Secondo.” You looked up at Copia with a raised eyebrow at his brother’s name. “He apparently had been invited as a possible investor.”

“Trust me boss, I can handle your brother.” Copia shuddered and mumbled something in Italian under his breath as Sunshine waggled her eyebrows. “You’re right though, the unexpected guests didn’t help. But neither did your tantrum...”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

“You fucking did what?”

Sunshine flinched at the sound of Copia’s voice and quickly started scanning the crowd to try to find him. She knew that tone of voice and nothing good ever came after he used it. Her eyes finally fell on him as he stared down Holden’s daughter. Ok yeah, he was pissed. Sunshine downed the rest of her champagne and started pushing her way through the crowd towards them but she only made it a few steps before an arm sliding around her waist stopped her.

“Going somewhere, beautiful?”

“I’ll be dragging your body to the undertaker if you don’t get your hand off of me, Mary.”

“Aww c’mon, I was hoping you’d dance with me at least on–shit!” Mary hissed, grabbing at Sunshine’s wrist to keep her from digging her knife into his stomach. “Why do you always have to put up a fight?”

“Trust me, Mary. It wouldn’t be a fight.” She looked around her for Copia again but was distracted by the curious looks being thrown her and Mary’s way. With a fake smile plastered on her face she deftly pulled the knife away and placed her hands on Mary’s shoulders. “Stop smiling like that.”

“This is nice! I missed this, having you all pressed up against me.”

“Don’t get used to it. What the fuck are you doing here anyway?”

“Probably here for the same reasons you are.” Mary smirked and leaned in close, being mindful of the socialites dancing around them. “Money.”

She jerked back, glaring into Mary’s face when he continued to smirk.

“That money is gonna be ours, so don’t even bother.”

“Yours, huh? I don’t know, it doesn't seem like you guys are much interested in the money to me.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Looks like Copia is about to be arrested.” Sunshine quickly looked over to where he was, groaning when she saw Copia arguing with a few of the hired guards. “And last I saw Swiss he was wandering off with Holden’s wife.”

She winced when Copia shoved a guard away only for two to come up behind him and grab his arms. Oh fuck. At Mary’s laugh she jerked her head back around.

“Swiss was supposed to wander off with the wife.”

“I don’t doubt it, but was Holden supposed to know about that? Because he followed them not long after.”

“Fuck.” She ignored the surprised glances being thrown her way and tried to think of what to do. If Holden caught Swiss with his wife they were screwed. An angry snarl drew her eyes back to Copia in time to see him punch Secondo in the nose. Ok they were extra screwed. “Fuck!”

“I’m always willing Sunshine you just gotta ask me nice–fuck!”

Mary groaned, clutching at their crotch as they fell to the ground. Sunshine turned back towards Copia but he was being dragged away by the guards. Her eyes moved to Secondo’s, widening briefly when she noticed he was looking at her. He was quite the sight at the moment, his usually perfectly styled hair disheveled on his head and blood dripping from his nose. His eyes were narrowing as he took her in as well and Sunshine grinned, giving him a jaunty wave before spinning and moving quickly into the crowd.

She needed to find Swiss and get the fuck out of there. They’d just have to worry about Copia later. It wouldn’t be the first time he needed to be busted out of jail; she just hoped she wouldn’t have to do the same for Swiss later. The crowd parted easily, most wandering over to where the commotion had happened with Copia. Sunshine grabbed the skirt of her dress, picking up her speed as she got close to the stairs to the second level. With any luck she would run into Swiss, hopefully with the key to where the money was being kept in his hand, and they could get the job done. She jogged down a hallway, turning down a corner at the end where she immediately found herself running right into the Ghoul.

“Swiss!” Her hands flung out to catch herself but she quickly recoiled when they were met with bare skin. “Where the fuck are your clothes?”

He was hurriedly doing up his pants, his dress shirt they bought for the night balled up in his fist.

“No time for that, we gotta go.” When he grabbed her arm she jerked away to glare at him. “Sunshine, I'm serious we gotta go now.”

“What the fuck did you do?”

Swiss didn’t get a chance to answer her question, a shout from behind him making both Ghouls freeze. Sunshine’s eyes widened when Holden, in a similar state of undress as Swiss, stumbled out of a room and started pointing his finger at him.

“Get back here now!”

Sunshine groaned, hanging her head as Holden started shouting for some guards.

“Satan’s dick.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

“So you all got arrested?”

“Yep! As I have been saying from the beginning, these assholes ruined everything.” She pointed a finger behind her at Swiss, who was practically laying on the ground now sulking. “Swiss decided to romance not just Holden’s wife, but Holden himself.”

“I couldn’t say no to him when he had already caught us together!”

“Shut up. Anyway, Swiss apparently didn’t tire the guy out enough because he got up after Swiss snuck outta the room and then realized his keys were missing.”

“I tired him out just fine thank you very much.”

“Shut up. But then there was this guy,” Sunshine pointed over at you and Copia as she continued on. “This guy threw a fit because Cara sold the gift he got her.”

“What gift?” You glanced up at Copia again with a confused look on your face, pausing briefly as the action made you a bit dizzy. All the whiskey had finally started to get to you. “Wait, the horse? She sold the horse?”

“She claimed that he was too rambunctious for her. Hard to handle. Idiota.” Copia shook his head in disgust. “There is nothing wrong with Brizio!”

You snorted, immediately covering your mouth when Copia glared at you.

“You bought Brizio for her?”

“Si, but she gave him some stupid name like Snowfoot or something, I don’t remember.”

“Copia lost his shit when he found out, hence all the shouting I mentioned. Unfortunately his Cara didn’t take too kindly to being called an idiot so she brought the guards over.” Sunshine took a drink and then grinned as she continued. “Secondo, who was desperately trying to ignore that we were all there, came over to try to calm Copia down, but…well that didn’t go over well.”

“Wasn’t the first time I punched him in the nose and it won’t be the last.”

“Sure, so yeah they shoved us all in jail and thanks to the ever helpful Mary Goore quickly figured out who we all actually were.” She tipped the bottle back, finishing its contents before chucking it into the fire. “We were set to be hanged in the morning.”

“Hanged?!”

“Those wanted posters say ‘Dead or Alive’ for a reason, Principessa.” Copia gave your waist a squeeze before he continued. “Luckily for us Secondo brought Dewdrop and Phantom with him when he came to town.”

“What do you mean? Why is that lucky?”

It was Swiss’s turn to answer, although it sounded like he was half asleep.

“Dewdrop knew I stole some of his dynamite, not that he ever goes anywhere without a few sticks as well.” Swiss lifted his head up to throw you a wink. “Just in case.”

“So what, you guys blew up the jail?” When you were met with silence from the three of them your mouth fell open. “Really?”

“How else were we supposed to get out? Dew only blew out one wall anyway, it wasn’t that bad.” Sunshine shook her head as she laughed about it. “Secondo sure as hell wasn’t gonna bail us out.”

“Why not?”

“Eh, he was a little upset over his nose.” Copia had reached up to tap yours, laughing softly when you batted his hand away. “He did come by to wish us luck getting out though.”

Now you felt even more nervous meeting his brother. You were about to say as much before you yawned, your mouth stretching wide from the force of it. Copia said something to Sunshine that you didn’t hear, the tiredness suddenly taking over. All that whiskey probably didn’t help either. You jumped a bit when Copia began to stand up behind you, gripping your elbows to tug you up with him.

“Wait, Copia, what about Brizio?”

He grinned, tugging you close to his chest and tucking some hair behind your ear.

“While the Ghouls got all of our stuff together I went and got Brizio back.”

“That easy huh?”

“It helped that while we were in jail someone stole the money, so that was a nice distraction.” He turned towards the farmhouse, wrapping an arm around your waist to help you along. “Mary beat us to it.”

“What an asshole. Oh!” You covered your mouth with your hands, laughing in disbelief at what you just said. “You’re a bad influence.”

“Bene, I don’t want to be a good one.”

You looked down to hide your reddening cheeks, that grin of his making you blush like usual. He tsked when you stumbled up the porch steps, the whiskey definitely starting to take its toll on you. Copia let go of you briefly to open the front door but instead of going inside you stopped and looked up at him, remembering something Swiss had mentioned earlier.

“Copia, what happened in Montana?”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

“I don’t want to go to sleep.”

Copia chuckled as he helped you get into bed, the now familiar nightgown soft against your skin.

“Your eyes have been closed since we got inside, Principessa. I think sleep is happening whether you want it or not.”

“No, no I have to stay awake.” When Copia pulled away you managed to get your eyes open, watching his figure move around in the shadows. He had quickly divested himself of his clothes and was pulling the big shirt from Harold over his head. “If I fall asleep it’ll be tomorrow when I wake up.”

You frowned when he snorted, his head popping out of the neck of the shirt. He moved back towards the bed and slid in next to you, under the covers much to your delight. His arms were around you instantly, pulling you against his warm body.

“Tomorrow will happen no matter what.” Copia placed a knuckle under your chin and tilted your head up so your eyes could meet. “What’s so bad about tomorrow?”

“I don’t want to leave this place. This house, the farm…Ethel. I feel safe here.”

“But you’ll still be with me. I’m always going to keep you safe, Principessa. Just like I promised.”

The tears were building up in your eyes before you could stop them and you angrily swiped them away. You didn’t want to spend tonight like this, a weeping mess.

“I know, I know you did. I feel safe with you, Copia, I do.” Even the dark room couldn’t hide his grin and you did your best to match it despite how you were still feeling. With a trembling hand you reached up and cupped his cheek, his beard was already growing in and the stubble felt rough against your palm. “Kiss me.”

“Hmm, I don’t know. I’ve come to find out your kisses lead to other things.” He took your hand in his and brought your palm to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss in the middle as his mustache tickled your fingers. “Besides, your breath smells like whiskey.”

He laughed when you yanked your hand out from his and roughly turned away. Damn him and his teasing. You stiffened when his arms slid back around you and you found yourself tucked back against him. Despite your irritation you couldn’t help but relax, the warm feeling of being in his arms making you even sleepier.

“You’re horrible.”

His breath hit your ear when he huffed out a laugh, making you shiver. Before you could stop them your eyes were falling closed again and your body relaxed as you began to drift off to sleep. Copia’s breath tickled your ear again and you fell asleep clinging to what he murmured into your ear.

“I promise to be here when you wake up.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Copia couldn’t sleep.

He hadn’t been able to bring himself to admit it to you, but he wasn’t looking forward to leaving either. It had been so long since he had felt settled and at peace. There had been moments he hadn’t even thought about why he was there or even why you were there. You had already wormed your way inside his chest, like you had always been there. Those moments made him feel guilty though, like he was forgetting his purpose. Forgetting what had led him to this farmhouse to begin with.

What had led him to you.

He couldn’t let his feelings, whatever they were, get in the way of why you were there in the first place. Nothing could get in the way of him killing Saltarian. Things were just more complicated now. Even when he was initially planning everything, your kidnapping and the ransom demand, he hadn’t wanted you to get hurt but now…now he couldn’t let you get hurt. Copia wasn’t sure if he deserved peace but he knew you did and he was going to do whatever he could to make sure you got it.

You mumbled something in your sleep and Copia tilted his head to look down at you. After a few hours you had turned around, pushing him onto his back with a surprising amount of strength considering you were asleep. Copia had let you do it with a smile on his face, amused at your grumbling as you eventually settled with an arm and a leg flung over him. You were now snoring softly, your breath puffing against his chest with each exhale. This was definitely something he’d be teasing you about later. He reached down to tuck some of your hair back behind your ear but he froze when you started mumbling.

“It’s not fair.”

He stroked a thumb across your cheek as he grunted softly.

“Hm? What isn’t?”

“Your smile. Not,” Your thought was interrupted by a big yawn before you relaxed back against him. “Not fair. I hate it.”

Copia snorted and squeezed you briefly, smiling when you snuggled further against him.

“I’m sorry, Principessa. I’ll smile less.”

All he got for an answer was another snore, but it was what finally helped him relax himself. You hadn’t been what he expected, far from it, but now that you were here he wasn’t going to let you go. At least not without a fight. He let his eyes close and focused on the feel of your body against his. He could get used to this, used to you.

He whispered a prayer to Lucifer that he would be allowed to.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

“Take the shot, Cardinal!”

Copia gritted his teeth as the flames drew closer. The chapel was starting to fall apart around them, the sound of the flames crackling drowning out distant gunshots. He couldn’t move, his entire body frozen in place as he looked on in horror. Your eyes were full of fear as Saltarian kept you in front of him, blocking his body with yours.

“This is your chance! This is what you wanted!”

You were so scared, Copia could see it. He could feel it. Were you scared of him? Once more he tried to speak, to call out that he would keep you safe but he couldn’t get his mouth to work.

“You’re a coward, Copia! All these years and you can’t do it. Because of her.”

No, no no he had to do this. He ignored the tears streaming down your face and the heat of the flames on his skin. He had to do this. This was his one chance. When you screamed he shook his head, his heart clenching painfully as he watched you sob.

“Take the shot, Cardinal!”

This was his one chance.

He raised his gun, his eyes meeting yours as he aimed.

He took the shot.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Copia woke up with a gasp, the sound of the gun firing seeming to echo around the room. He quickly looked down and started to grab at you, needing to feel that you were there and safe. Not sobbing and broken in front of him like you were in his nightmare. You mumbled something as he ran his hands over your back and arms. Your nose scrunching up like it did whenever you were annoyed with him.

“Is it morning?”

“No," He took a deep breath and let his head drop. "Go back to sleep Principessa.”

He reached up to smooth your hair out, shaking his head slightly at his trembling hand. The sounds of your crying were still echoing around in his mind. You had been so scared, so frightened. He gently pulled away and eased out of the bed, needing to get some distance between you. You had been scared of him, of what he might do. There hadn’t been any trust in your eyes, just fear and pain. He couldn’t help but turn to look at you but even seeing you safe in bed the nightmare wouldn’t leave him.

Cirrus’s words from the other night ran through his head, words she had been repeating from his brother. ‘You’re going to get this girl killed.’ ‘Your actions have put everyone at risk.’ He had ignored them at the time but now with the nightmare skittering under his skin it was all he could think about. Would he actually be able to keep you safe like he promised? Safe from Saltarian and his men?

Safe from himself?

Copia immediately got up and stalked towards his clothes. The nightmare had to be a sign, a message warning him about what could happen. He couldn’t do it, he had worked too long to let anything get in his way now. As he got dressed he kept pushing away thoughts of you, thoughts he had been thinking of only hours before. Thoughts that he needed to stop thinking of.

He fastened his gun belt before grabbing his hat, turning back towards the bed as he secured it on his head. The moonlight was illuminating your face and he couldn’t help but stop to watch you for a moment. His steps were quiet as he moved closer, kneeling down at the edge of the bed so his face was level with yours. The leather of his gloves creaked when he clenched his hands, trying to stop himself from touching you.

Copia watched you for as long as he dared, trying to memorize your face. He wanted to remember you this way. Soft and peaceful. Beautiful like you had always been to him, even when you were nothing more than a city girl. A pawn in his desire for revenge. He had let you become more than that and he now realized how foolish that had been.

Your mouth opened in a quiet snore and this time he couldn’t help but brush a hand over your hair. He would still do everything he could to keep you safe, but this, whatever this was between you needed to stop. Copia had spent the last ten years swearing vengeance and he couldn’t let anything get in his way now. He stood up, clenching his fists again to stop himself from reaching out and holding you.

He had to let you go.

Read Chapter 10: Revelations

If you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list (or if I accidentally left your name off) of this fic or any of my others please leave a comment or send me a dm! Thank you 💙

My Masterlist ~ My Archive of our Own ~ My Ko-Fi Tip Jar

#my fics #my writing #the cardinal's bride #cowboy copia #cardinal copia x female reader #copia x female reader #the band ghost fanfiction #ghost band fanfiction #cardinal copia fanfiction #the band ghost fanfic #ghost band fanfic #cardinal copia fanfic #copia fanfic #cardinal copia

183 notes · View notes

gon-and-killuas-mother · 6 months ago

Text

new bat-fic idea, bc of course as soon as i post the first chapter of one fic my brain decides "oh look another!"

OC-fic from the perspective of a janitor working at Wayne Enterprise who gets promoted to the highest level clearance: i.e., they're the only janitor that is allowed to clean Mr. Wayne's office

i've seen fics about other employees like secretaries, and obviously being a secretary lets you in on interesting secrets (HA, i get it lol) but i feel like janitors/custodians pick up on a lot of shit while they work bc no one's paying them attention.

they're just doing their job and trying to follow their predecessor's advice of "Do Not Ask Questions. You will see weird shit happen around Mr. Wayne and his family. They might say some things that would have lesser men squealing to the papers. You are not a lesser man, not when you work here. Mr. Wayne is a good, kind man that will pay you enough to buy your own house or two. You won't have to worry about loans or medical bills or anything while you work here.

"So if you see or hear anything... strange? No You Didn't."

i like the idea of the Waynes being pretty damn good at keeping the vigilante thing secret, BUT there's only so much you can hide from people who work for you and see you on a regular basis. good thing Bruce Wayne is all about paying his employees way more than living wages, with all the benefits and then some, and has a tendency to find out when someone has medical, housing, or financial problems and just. quietly fixing the problem. or at least offering enough assistance to make their lives easier.

so even if the Waynes weren't as tight-lipped as they could be, employees at WE are so protective of them that it doesn't even matter. the ones who've worked there longer than a few years will even lie on the spot to cops for him.

A cop: "Mr. Wayne claims he was in his office late Friday night during the attack downtown. You and a few others were clocked in during that time. Can you verify this?"

The janitor, knowing full goddamn well that Mr. Wayne hadn't stepped foot in the building that night: "That idiot must've pissed off his butler or something, he was drinking in his office and crying over John Denver music. I had Country Roads stuck in my head all the next day."

just. imagine the shenanigans. the Situations one might end up in working the night shift at WE. bc anyone who works that shift will, at some point, come across one of the Bats. they're on a first name basis by now. but even though no one's made them sign an NDA, the night shift knows better. this is Gotham, after all.

if you saw or heard something, no you didn't.

#tink rambles #batman #bruce wayne #batfam

35 notes · View notes

puckpocketed · 7 months ago

Text

30/06/2024 - The Colorado Avalanche draft Tory Pitner 185th overall.

I think that I can use my brain and really bait other players into plays that they don't want to make and then close out. Really take away time and space, and ultimately just be a prick to play against - I don't know if I can say that on this - but I think that I can defend really well.

[full draft day interview transcript + an introduction by me under the cut]

Foreword: This transcript was done by hand to the best of my ability and edited for clarity. In bold text are my highlights, parts I thought were noteworthy and interesting. I removed filler words (um's and uh's). In square brackets are where I've added words or adjusted words for clarity. In the regular parentheses are small notes for added context. Tory Pitner is a fascinating player. He does not have the high-end skill you saw go in the first round. He is foremost a shutdown d-man. But he is smart, driven, methodical in his preparation and training, and most of all a true scholar and lover of the game. If anyone has an EP Rinkside subscription, I would encourage you to read the article written about him. The bulk of it is an interview, in which he goes into vivid detail about several top draft picks from this year whom he has played against, and how he goes about shutting them down. He has their on-ice habits broken down and analysed; from their handedness to the types of shots they like to make and the dekes they like to use. He watches NHL defensemen, describing his study with the fervour of an academic, a mad scientist, and a fan all at once. He has charmed me utterly, and I think it's because we love hockey in such similar ways. I love the details of the game, I love watching good and interesting hockey above all else, and I absolutely love studying it (albeit on an amateur level). And, okay, I don't like to make bold predictions, so I won't. All I have is hope. I hope he grows and thrives, I hope everyone one day recognises how special he is, and most of all I hope he makes it. Tory Pitner, no matter who you play for and where you're playing, I will always be rooting for you!!

Q: How would you describe [your] feelings right now?

TP: It's pretty unbelievable. I mean, it's a great feeling. Colorado is a great organisation, and especially down the road from Denver [University] it's going to be really, really fun to go to a lot of games and just see the progression in the team - in my game - to hopefully one day be there.

Q: So, knowing that you were going to D.U., were you maybe kind of hopeful that it'd be the Avs?

TP: Yeah. I talked to the Avs a little bit during the year and stayed in contact with some of their scouts, so every time they picked I was kind of on the edge of my seat - but I'm happy to be here and really excited.

Q: What are the strengths in your game?

TP: I'd say that my defending is probably my biggest strength. I think that I can use my brain and really bait other players into plays that they don't want to make and then close out. Really take away time and space, and ultimately just be a prick to play against - I don't know if I can say that on this - but I think that I can defend really well.

I'd say my player comparable is John Marino; his ability to play against those top line guys and shut them down every night. I mean, you just saw him get traded so [he's] obviously a very valuable piece in the NHL, and he was a sixth round draft pick too. I'm really excited to hopefully continue that development path over at D.U. to round out all the other areas of my game to play in the NHL.

Q: So you'd say Denver is a good choice for you, for college?

TP: Yeah. I'd say, obviously, the coaching staff first of all, [David Carle] is an unbelievable coach; and then just the proven track record they have at developing NHL defensemen. Being there every day, you see all the guys that come back, and they want to be at D.U. All the guys that they've sent to the NHL, they still come back to train there - train with Matt Shaw, the strength coach, and skate on the ice. Everyone there; it's kind of a brotherhood. It's a great system for [anyone] to go through if they want to get to the NHL.

Q: Did you get a chance to speak to Jake Fisher? (Colorado draft pick #121 overall)

TP: I'm actually roommates with Fish at D.U. We moved in on Sunday and so it's kind of cool that we both got picked here.

Q: So have you talked to him since?

TP: I haven't. I gotta be honest, I put my phone down after round three and kind of tried not to go on it. But yeah, no, we'll definitely talk. I'll see Fish [on] Sunday when I land. We probably have some studying to do for our Geography class. No, it'll be good. I know he was really excited, I'm really excited, too.

Q: Have you ever been to an Avs game?

TP: I have not, no. But I heard that the D.U. guys go all the time, especially with it being right downtown, so [I'm] really looking forward to getting out there and seeing Ball Arena live. I've driven past it a few times, just heading back to campus and whatnot, but I'll be really excited to get inside and see what it's like.

Q: How did [the Youngstown Phantoms] help you develop, to get to this point? (inaudible)

TP: For sure. I mean, obviously it was great my first year, getting to experience winning the Clark Cup Championship there was super cool for me, and it was a great learning experience being able to be around great leaders like Shane Lachance and Chase Pietila - who got picked earlier today. Being able to be around those kind of guys was awesome for me. And then my second year, taking a step into a bigger role with the team, talking with [coach] Andy Contois a lot about my game, working on different areas that I need to improve, and improving on my strengths, too, [like] being hard to play against. So I think overall they helped me round out my game, and I'm looking forward to keep rounding out that game at D.U.

Q: What has your Draft Day experience been like here at the Sphere? (inaudible)

TP: Yeah, no, it was long. Woke up early, couldn't really sleep too much. Woke up, just kind of got a workout in to get moving, you know, have something to do. Then walked over here - I'm staying at a hotel that's not too far - so, walked over. Sat down after having some breakfast and then kind of just watched the draft. It's been pretty cool, though. I have my family here, my agent as well, [and] one of my coaches. It's been really nice to have everyone here supporting me.

Q: What about the way that Colorado plays defence excites you?

TP: I'd say that I love how they're pretty freeing with all their defensemen. Even down the lineup, you look at Josh Manson still getting up in the play joining as a fourth man. Sam Girard obviously loves to do that. They obviously have great defensemen like Cale Makar running their power play. [They] love being really active. I think that's something that I'm looking to add more to my game, too, and so the freedom to do that in Colorado is something I'm really looking forward to - especially at D.U. as well, having that freedom. Finding the middle in a lot of their breakouts, not a lot of off-the-glass plays or up the wall; they like to really possess the puck. I'm really looking forward to being able to hold on to the puck a little bit longer and find some middle support, which I think will ultimately help my game break down the opponent and just add another element - which will be really fun.

Q: What players did you idolise as you came up?

TP: It's kind of been a lot of different ones, but I really wanted to play defence because of Nick Lidstrom. When I was younger, one of my coaches - actually, Anže Kopitar's brother - Gašper Kopitar; he was my defense coach in LA when I played for the junior Kings when I was younger, and he told me 'If you want to be a defenseman, [go] watch Nick Lidstrom.' So I found some YouTube video - and I think I've watched it like 400 times or something like that. I've watched his NHL 36 multiple times, just to get me going or just to learn his routines. So idolising him growing up and then seeing the great person and defenseman he was; it really made me want to be [one], and I wanted to play hockey even more.

#look at him . so polite. <3 wants to make star forwards lives a living hell though!! SHUTDOWN D-MEN UR SO IMPORTANT TO MEEEEEE #hello. I don't usually go here but im in your tags now. i have become deeply endeared to this little fella <3 #PROSPECT BE UPON YE!!!!!!!!!!!!!#Tory Pitner #colorado avalanche #avs lb #2024 nhl draft #nhl gifs #hockey gifs #puck!script #2024 draft class #p!gif:avs #puck!gif #puckscouting

38 notes · View notes

nowhereisnearmyhome · 2 years ago

Text

source

transcript under the cut

NEAL CASSADY TO ALLEN GINSBERG

Denver, Colorado April 10, 1947

. . . I don't care what you think, that's what I want. If you are able to understand and can see your way clear to shepharding me around the big city for 9 months, then, perhaps, go to Europe with me next summer thats swell, great and wonderful, exactly what I want, if not — well, why not? Really, damn it, why not? You sense I'm not worthy of you? you think I wouldn't fit in? you presume I'd treat you as badly or worse? You feel I'm not bright enough? you know I'd be imposing, or demanding, or trying to suck you dry of all you have intellectually? Or is it just that you are, almost unconciously, aware of enough lack of interest in me, or indifferance to my plight and need of you, to believe that all the trouble of helping and living with me, would not be quite compensated for by being with me? I can't promise a darn thing, I know I'm bisexual, but prefer women, there's a slimmer line than you think between my attitude toward love and yours, don't be so concerned, it'll fall into line. Beyond that – who knows? Let's try it & see, huh? . . . Relax, man, think about what I say and try to see yourself moving toward me without any compulsive demands, due to lack of assurance that I love you, or because of lack of belief that I understand you etc. forget all that and in that forgetfulness see if there isn't more peace of mind and even more physical satisfaction than in your present subjective longing (whether for me, or Claude, or anybody) I know one cannot alter by this method, but come to me with all you've got, throw your demands in my face, (for I love them) and find a true closeness, not only because what emotionality I have is also distorted by lonliness, but also because I, logically or not, feel I want you more than anyone at this stage. I'm really beat, off to bed, and a knowledge of relief, for I know you must understand and move with me in this, you better not fight against it or any other damn thing, so shut up, relax, find some patience and fit into my mellow plans. Love & Kisses, my boy, opps!, excuse, I'm not Santa Claus am I? Well then, just – Love & Kisses, Neal

#neal cassady #allen ginsberg

204 notes · View notes

prairietrashdotcom · 3 months ago

Text

@shirleyjacksonism tagged me to do a poll of my favourite fictional women thank you sm 💕

tagging: @pavelkaramazov @purgefluidz @summerflesh @cannibaldotcom @junkiespride @marquisdesadie @murdermgmt @cherubgore @laceandgore @stitchedgrave @julesmckenzie @manonwitchkiller @delilahbarrd and anyone who's interested im sorry if i forgot anyone my brain's basically just a paperweight nowadays💕

#didnt even clock that shirleyjacksonism also had natsuki :( i might have voted for her there natsuki im sorry #this was so hard like i could have given every woman on hannibal their own category #there were some hard cuts made as well but if i didnt do it immediately id never do it ever

18 notes · View notes

renthony · 7 months ago

Note

Hi! Could you talk about what it’s like being an independent media researcher and how you became one? Did you go to school for communications or media studies? How do you make money?

I’m about to graduate college and I really want to go into the media studies field but I haven’t really figured out what the best way for me to do that is. I have a lot of similar research interests as you (animation, censorship, media analysis, queer media) and I’m disabled so I’ve been worried about not having the energy for a traditional 9 to 5 sort of job, so I’d love to hear more about how you’re able to do the research you’re passionate about!

Honestly, I got here by accident, and I'm still figuring things out as I go. I don't make much money and right now I feel like my work is in a period of transition. I have plans, but some days it feels like I'm barely making baby steps.

I started writing when I was pretty young, and I read every single "how to write" guide I could get my hands on via the library or bookstore. I wrote constantly. Short stories, various false starts at baby's first novel, even newsletters for school activities and community clubs. I was most focused on fiction at first, but I learned a lot about nonfiction as well.

I got involved in online writing communities back when forums were still a big deal, and I joined Twitter back in 2009 when it was still new and there was a massive author and freelancer community. (Anyone else remember before retweets were a thing? We had to copy, paste, and manually type out "RT @[user]" like barbarians.) I learned an absolute fuckton about the craft and the industry by talking directly with other writers, literary agents, editors, and various other people in the field. From the time I was like 14, I was interacting with professional writers, sharing my work for feedback, and racking up rejection letters from magazines and literary agents (which was a badge of honor in the communities I was hanging out in, because it meant you were working hard and refusing to quit). When I was 17, my best friend even scraped together money from their shitty fast food job to pay for us to attend a major writing conference in Denver, where we participated in all kinds of classes and panels with industry professionals.

My mother was also writing at the time, and I got a lot of support from her. She had a blog that got a decent amount of interaction, because this was right around the rise of the Mommy Blogger and my mom wrote from the perspective of a socially-isolated tattooed punk mom who never planned to have kids (which was unusual in a landscape of perfect housewives with perfect photogenic babies with weirdly-spelled Mormon names they chose when they were kids). Eventually my mom started writing for a website owned by Yahoo, to supplement the household income while staying home to care for my little siblings. When I decided I wanted to take a whack at freelancing, she gave me a lot of advice on how to get started. I also had a writing class at school taught by a teacher who made it a class project to submit to magazines, so I basically got a head-start on freelance life. I wrote a lot of random articles for a website that's since gone defunct, and I submitted a lot of short stories to contests and magazines. Didn't really make a lot of money, but I learned a ton and got a lot of experience.

When I made it to college, I studied anthropology and French. I'd planned to study history, but switched my track after a single semester because anthropology suited me better. I took a lot of AP classes in high school and did well on all the standardized testing, so I managed to get a full academic scholarship and skip right past a few of my gen eds. Unfortunately for me, I had a lot of difficult life experiences during that time period, and I started to struggle in pretty much everything that wasn't directly related to my degree. I failed Latin so bad I didn't bother to go to the final exam, because even a perfect grade wouldn't have saved me. I fucked up my algebra grade beyond salvation. Those two classes alone tanked my GPA enough that I lost my academic scholarship, and I wound up dropping out entirely. Grades in my required courses were solid, but the scholarship requirements meant I had to do well across the board or lose my funding.

My mother still has debt from getting loans to pursue a master's degree, and I knew damn well I didn't want that kind of student debt piling up on me, so I opted for dropping out. Sometimes I regret it a little, but I honestly think it was the best option. I was having so much emotional upheaval on top of the academic stress that I needed time away to figure myself out. I graduated high school early, so I was like two years younger than everyone around me, and I didn't have many friends. I lived at home and came to campus just long enough to go to class, so I had nothing in common with my classmates who lived in dorms and participated in campus activities. I missed orientation because I registered late, the administration sent me to the transfer student registration day instead of the new student registration day, and I didn't get any "here's how you navigate university life" support. I didn't know I was supposed to have a one-on-one academic advisor for a year and a half, and when I finally met him, his only comment on the matter was, "wow, I wondered why you hadn't come to see me yet!" without any sort of inquiry into how a fuckup on that scale was allowed to happen in the first place. I wasn't set up for success by university administration, and I burnt out hard. I dropped out.

My wife encouraged me to do what was going to be best for me mentally instead of letting finances dictate my next step. She had a steady job, and even though we were still pretty broke, her support let me drop out of college and focus on recovery. A lot of people gave me shit because their perception was that I was dropping out of college to become "just a housewife," and they couldn't fathom why. From my perspective, I'd been given a lifeline.

I took care of our shitty little one-bedroom apartment. I read a lot of books and played a lot of Minecraft. When I felt up to it, I did some more freelancing. My wife was working unholy hours in a factory and we didn't get to spend much time together. I started doing tarot reading as a side hustle, and we started making vague plans to move somewhere better for us, but saving up was hard.

Things felt stagnant for a long time. I didn't write very much, I wasn't really doing anything related to my studies. I wrote when I had energy, and I kept scraping together extra cash doing tarot readings while my wife started working a new job in a lumber yard. Her support is the only reason I was able to recover and figure myself out, so big shout-out to my beloved working woman wifey. God, I love her.

Eventually we packed up and moved to a different state so we could be closer to my family. I got a job baking for a coffee shop. I wrote whenever I could. When I got laid off from the coffee shop, I realized there was no way in hell I could keep working a regular job without sacrificing my health, so I went back to writing full-time. (The Queen of Cups was written during this period.)

At some point I started getting back into anthropology and history research, just for fun. I didn't have money to finish my degree, but I had enough academic experience to know how to track down and evaluate good sources. I wasn't really trying to do anything for career purposes, I was just incredibly bored and wanted to study something again, so I got really, really into studying local history. Once I read everything I could about that, I jumped to another topic I was interested in, and then another. Media studies became my biggest focus as a natural outgrowth of my interests in speculative fiction, animation, and the history of the entertainment industry. I studied anthropology in school because I loved learning how and why humans do the things we do, and media studies always felt like an obvious facet of that. It's part of why I was always obsessed with cave paintings and paleolithic sculptures--people make art! It's what we do! It's what we've always done!

Anyway, I now live in a university town that has resources available to the public, and I have friends who work in various university libraries or as professors. I started making use of whatever I could get access to. I read a lot of nonfiction books from independent researchers pursuing their own passion projects, I got really into video essays on YouTube, and I had the epiphany that you don't actually have to finish college to study and write about things as long as you put in the quality research and source all your information. At some point I started calling it my "DIY academia," which my university-employed friends found utterly delightful.

Honestly, I credit my formal-academia friends with a lot. They've all been an incredible source of support and reassurance, and have helped me track down quite a few sources I was having trouble getting my hands on. Everyone do yourself a favor and make friends with someone who works in a university library.

I started a Patreon several years ago (in like 2017 I think?), primarily for my fiction writing, but there's plenty of other things that have shown up there over the years (art, cosplay, essays, etc.). As I started getting more into my DIY academia, folks started expressing interest in seeing me write about it. My tumblr posts about media generated a decent amount of attention, I'd managed to build up a platform, and it wasn't hard to say, "okay, screw it: I have freelance experience and I know how to write a paper, does anyone want to pay me for it?"

I haven't been submitting to existing publications like I used to, mostly because I don't have a decent portfolio assembled. My old freelance work in high school and college was for a platform that closed down a decade ago, and no matter how popular they get I can't bring myself to include tumblr posts alongside professional credits. My current plan is to build a portfolio on my website showing off the commissions I've been taking, and then start submitting to magazines and newspapers again between my other work. I'd love to eventually write for something like Polygon or IGN.

It's hard. I love research, I love writing, and I love sharing information with people, but having to DIY everything is really, really hard. I often feel like I'm just throwing nonsense into the void in the hope someone will like it and leave a tip in my Ko-Fi. I don't have formal academic credentials beyond "I was planning my senior thesis about the ethics of investigating ancient burial sites, but then I dropped out." I just have a neurodivergent brain, a handful of special interests, a wife who works the graveyard shift in a lab to pay our bills, and the ability to hyperfixate on research for absurd lengths of time.

The most common advice I used to get about freelancing is that you just have to keep throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. It's been years since then, but I think the advice still applies. Read a lot, learn a lot, and write about the things you're most interested in. Search around and look for magazines and newspapers and websites that accept unsolicited freelance submissions. Read the other articles they publish to see how your work stacks up. Submit, submit, submit. Rake in rejection letters and keep them as a reminder of how hard you're working. If you're up for it, start a Patreon to post the things you don't submit elsewhere. The worst thing that can happen is that people don't give you money, but maintaining it still helps you lay the groundwork for a portfolio and a reader base.

I deal with a lot of hellacious impostor syndrome. I worry a lot that I'm just a hack who doesn't actually know what they're talking about. Like I said, I got here totally by accident, but whatever I'm doing seems to be working for me. I'm broke, but my work is being read, and opportunities for more work show up when I least expect them. I'm not sure what's next for me, but I'm excited to figure it out. Money's tight, but I keep enduring despite the chaos. I throw things at the wall, I see what sticks, I clean up whatever flops and then try it again later. Wash, rinse, repeat.

It's hard, but so is everything else. I like it better than a lot of other things I could be doing.

#original post

21 notes · View notes

swandivers · 5 days ago

Text

hey y'all! i'm denver [sh/th, cst, 22] and i decided to full-send and join midasfm with phaze’s do jihan, remedy’s seo daon, and ydh soloist noh saetbyeol. but anyways… this is jihan’s blog so you can find his career info here, his stats here, a pinterest board for him here & (hopefully) everything you need to know under the cut. as per usual, please like this post if you're interested in plotting & i'll reach out to you asap!

tw for a couple brief mentions of substance abuse & hard drugs + the death of a parent (unrelated to the substance abuse/drugs).

born october 28, 1997. was the first child, followed by a sister (do jihye) roughly two years later.

all things considered, jihan had a nearly perfect childhood. his family struggled with money, but both parents were mature enough not to let the kids know too much about that. they were very easy-going and passionate parents—they would not reprimand their children without damn good reason & they would move mountains to see them happy.

became interested in performing very early in life, and thanks to his parents who would do anything for him, he was able to pursue it aggressively. excelled in dance classes. by age 13 he had already decided that he wanted to be an idol. obviously he was made fun of because he was a little lanky ass kid talking about "i'm gonna be an idol!" but he *knew* he could do it, his parents *knew* he could do it, and his sister was already running around telling people he was a trainee before he even had come into contact with any industry insiders. he was loved so much that he was never doubted.

signed to midas music at age fifteen. and the shit going on in those walls blew his mind!

had never really been subjected to true criticism, real competition or... ahem, bullying before so it was hard at first but he was still young enough to be resilient. powered through all the way through the competition show that formed phaze to phaze’s debut, and then he kind of lost his shit and never fully got it back.

struggled to get accustomed to the rush of celebrity life, and it didn't help that phaze exploded onto the scene. there was no easing into it, it was a swan dive. jihan had never really doubted himself before, but something about it all made him start to experience imposter syndrome. eventually, that turned into full-blown depression, and in trying to escape the depression, jihan turned to substances.

this is where it got kind of... um... awful! circa 2019-2020, jihan was showing up to *most* schedules hungover, but occasionally felt a little too down and needed a pick-me-up so he would show up actively on something (usually cocaine or adderall) thinking "no one's going to notice". and most people didn't. but those who did notice that *something* was going on started talking, and there have been steady rumors floating ever since. rumors that still float to this day despite him now being 16 months clean/sober.

started to pull away from anyone and everyone who cared about him. did not want anyone calling him out on his shit, did not want anyone talking like they knew what was best for him, did not want those he loved to see how he was changing. this resulted in the steady loss of most/all of his good friendships and the deterioration of his family bonds. things went from bad to worse, and came to a head in 2023 when his mother (who had been sick for a while, and who jihan hadn’t visited) died. he had been in denial that that was a thing that was going to happen and knowing that she probably died wishing he’d come back home one last time crushed him. he went on the worst bender of his life, which he didn’t think would matter too much as it occurred when he didn’t have shit going on career-wise, but then a threatening post surfaced. someone claiming to have damning footage of him. probably from when he was on that bender. midas music covered it up but obviously he had to feel some kind of consequences… and boy, he’s still feeling ‘em!

has been going through various forms of “therapy” ever since, not exactly by choice. will bitch and complain about it but it’s helping. as mentioned before, is currently about 16 months clean/sober.

has had a careful eye kept on him since then as well. is treated like a rookie basically. it’s funny, except it isn’t. everyone else in phaze has gotten to have a solo debut and he can’t until “his behavior improves” :~) except he has a sneaking suspicion that midas music’s trust in him can never fully be restored, and therefore a solo debut will never come.

is bitter, hates phaze because of it. is it nice to be a part of something successful? yeah. however, jihan’s over it and not sure he can ever get back into it. tends to focus on other things, particularly girl code. has produced & written a decent amount for them since their debut and it mostly fills the void.

ii.

before, jihan was an almost stupidly sweet kid, though somewhat entitled. he knew what he wanted out of life and he knew that he’d get it. this confidence could be annoying, but it was harmless and genuine—he had never been faced with doubt, so he never learned to doubt himself. simple as that. was pretty friendly in his own offbeat way, typically keeping to himself *but* quick to join someone in the company cafeteria who was sitting alone, eager to help other trainees with their dancing, etc. meant well, always.

obviously, he’s… not like that anymore. he changed pretty quickly following phaze’s debut, thought it wasn’t exactly obvious since he was pretty quiet to begin with anyway—at first, it just seemed like he was talking even less than usual. and then the temper started. out of nowhere, he was angry about everything and seemed to think that everyone was against him. for years, he would flip between being mean for no reason to acting like everything was peachy (of course, never apologizing for his behavior) and would be pretty much unreachable if he didn’t have somewhere he needed to be. as mentioned previously, lost almost all of his friends in this timeframe.

but if we’re analyzing only present-day (2025!) jihan, he’s mellowed out a lot in the past ~year. has come to terms with a lot of the things that he was struggling with and is starting to come to terms with the rest of it. is still a piece of shit, just in less obvious ways: i.e, he will turn any little issue that’s brought up about him on whoever’s bringing it up, will forget important things and then make whoever else is involved feel like shit for *caring*, is disloyal in every aspect of life. he’s pretty impossible to be around if you actually care about him, but is much kinder to surface-level acquaintances. always thinks he can be better with someone who hasn’t already experienced his worst traits because he *thinks* he’s better now, and then the bad traits surface and he’s too full of himself to apologize/even acknowledge that he’s been unkind.

do jihan will never have a redemption arc.

iii.

as far as plots go, i’m down for anything! but here are some ideas to kick things off:

who’s known him for years and is still hanging on for the sake of who he used to be, not who he is now? someone who keeps their fingers crossed hoping things can still be like “the old times”, and it always leads to disappointment.

public bff who started getting to know him in 2023 or 2024 when he was on his Best Behavior, but is now starting to realize he’s a risk to not only his own image, but theirs as well and is consequently trying to pull away from him. as one of his last good friends left, he really doesn’t want to let go.

who’s his keeper within phaze… from the outside, they look like good friends—on the inside, they kind of wish they never met each other. but since they did, and since they’re here together, something’s gotta give. they’re trying their best to keep jihan in line whilst his capacity to care is running out.

does anyone in phaze actually like him anymore? might be nice to have a friend within the group. maybe someone who is still passionate about the group and has struggled to remain friends with jihan throughout his scandals and risky behavior, or a member who also doesn’t really give a shit about phaze anymore but just doesn’t show it so obviously? would kind of like some detailed plotting on this one since there’s so much inherent drama that would come with it.

loves loves loves girl code and works with them often, so any girl code plots!!! a member who hates his stupid ass and just wants him *away* from the group / a member he’s *into* and has expressed his interest in whilst being in a relationship. charming much? open to discussion but probably he doesn’t want to get too involved and she doesn’t want to get attached since she already knows what a dirtbag he is / a member who actually likes him for whatever reason…… good friends, brother-sister vibe? when he’s rotting in the studio, he’ll always open the door for her. probably the only person who can call him on his shit and still be on his good side / etc etc.

is currently on a sober streak. who’s going to bring an end to that? maybe some girl he wants to impress who likes to party or a friend who’s going through something, doesn’t wanna drink alone and insists that “one drink won’t hurt”.

(ex? soon to be ex?) girlfriend who’s over all the bs that being with jihan entails. he’s probably cheated on her/at the very least has had wandering eyes throughout the relationship, but she’s dealt with it because of the thing called Love. hasn’t exactly been mean to her, but hasn’t exactly been kind. she has begged him fifty times to do better. he won’t. * not open to members of girl code considering he enjoys working with them and wants to continue to do so!!!

jihan is and will always be a straight man. but for a period of time, maybe he wasn’t. and maybe he still isn’t. who cares? anyway, he has (used to have?) a thing for this guy that he’d never actually pursue. and honestly, he’s not even sure if the feelings are exactly there anymore, but jihan still doesn’t want to see him happy with someone else, so it manifests as him talking shit about every single “friend” or “fling” that comes up and becoming irritable when he mentions having plans that don’t include him. he’s getting awfully tired of jihan’s negativity. * open to lgbtq or straight characters since it’s not intended to go anywhere. likely a friendship that will see its end throughout the course of the rp since jihan’s just dragging him down.

low-risk friendships where there's not much attachment or loyalty. they do not know each other's birthdays and they do not care to. in fact, they most just talk at each other instead of to each other. still, they have an alright time. / younger/newer male idols who look up to him for whatever reason. godspeed. / someone with a savior complex who thinks they can fix him. godspeed x2. / following locked for female muses only: he’s probably the most ran through man in the industry so any exes/past situationships/past fwbs……. who *actually* fell in love with him somehow and got used by him until they had no choice but to pull away? it’s gotta be someone!

#midas:intro

11 notes · View notes