#this was going to be an analysis but it turned into something else sorry.

[aperrywilliams]

Tin Wedding (Spencer Reid x ExWife!Reader)

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Author Masterlist | Event Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x ExWife!Reader.

Summary: You've become friends with Penelope Garcia over the past year, and after much insistence from her, you agreed to visit her at her office one day. What you didn't expect was to run into your ex-husband there. And surely you didn't expect that he - Spencer Reid - is Penelope's coworker.

Word Count: 7.2k (please, stop me!)

Warnings: Yes. I set this one as +16. Mention of Reader being drunk. Curses and some strong words. Mention of sex - oral (m&f). Nothing detailed. IDFK anything about the US marriage and divorce system.

A/N: 2nd Fic for the "We are not gonna make it" writing challenge I was hosting during October with my sis @babymetaldoll. I'm so sorry for the delay, but life has crushed me these past weeks.

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The ding of the elevator signals you are already on the sixth floor. The doors open, and the first thing you see are people going and coming. It's the bustling of a lively office at noon. But this is not just any office; this is the FBI headquarters in Quantico. You never thought you would be in a place like this in your life, but here you are after your friend Penelope convinced you to visit her at work after insisting for weeks.

BAU - Behavioural Analysis Unit reads the glass doors in front of you. This is the place. Looking at the scattered desks on the open floor, you look for a clue that leads you to Penelope.

People walk past you without paying much attention. Maybe you should ask for help. But before you can decide to do so, a voice behind your back breaks you out of your thoughts.

"Can I help you?"

You know that voice. You're sure of that. But wait. It can't be—not after years of not hearing it.

You slowly turn around just to confirm that your suspicions are correct. Standing in front of you is a curious Spencer Reid, who pales when he sees your face. He remembers you, too.

"Oh God, Spencer?"

A stupid question with an obvious answer, but that doesn't take away the surprise of coming face to face with someone you never thought you'd see again in your life.

"(Y/N)? Wow..."

Time has passed, you tell yourself. Spencer looks more grown up. His hair is a little shorter, and he doesn't look so skinny anymore; it even seems there's some muscle under the white shirt he sports. Some stubble adorns his face, and dark circles can be seen under his eyes. But his beautiful eyes are the same as you remember them from when you first met in Pasadena.

"What are you doing here?" You ask, still shocked. Spencer's expression seems pretty much the same as yours.

"Uh. Well, I work here," he explains after clearing his throat.

A Caltech's genius working with the FBI? You wouldn't have expected it. But then again, you didn't expect to cross paths with him after all this time. "And what are you doing here?"

Good point. Why did you come? Oh, yes. Penelope Garcia.

"I'm here to see a friend," you mumble. Spencer's confused look changes to what? Disappointment? Of course, you're not there for him. It's stupid ever to think that, considering you haven't talked since the day you said goodbye and parted ways in that tiny apartment you shared in Pasadena.

And then an awkward silence. What are the chances that after so long, you were going to meet Spencer? And if you're wondering how long, we're talking about ten years when you were both pursuing your degrees at Caltech. In your case, it was the first one because Spencer was already in his third PhD when you met.

Before you can say something else, the one and only Penelope Garcia burst into the room, looking for you.

"There you are! Why didn't you call me when you got here?"

Totally unbeknown to the tense silence, she steps in front of you and hugs you. You can feel Spencer's confused look on you. "I'm glad you made it! We have so much to talk about."

"Garcia is your friend?" Spencer asks, gaze on you, and it's when you realize how weird the situation is. Penelope turns to him, an eyebrow furrowed.

"Of course, I'm her friend. And she came to see me," Garcia scoffs until she realizes something. "Wait a minute. For what reason would you ask that?"

Spencer clears his throat. He doesn't know what your opinion is about people knowing that fact.

"We know each other," you explain to her before asking. "How do you know Spencer?"

"No way! What a coincidence!" Garcia chirps. The exclamation raises the interest of the people entering the bullpen. Some of them approach to where you all are. "Reid? We work together!"

What were the chances of something like that happening to you, you wondered, as Spencer continued to stare at you, his eyes never leaving yours.

"What's happening here, baby girl?" A toned man asks Garcia, who can't contain her excitement.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe it," she announces as two women join the conversation.

Garcia briefly explains to the audience who you are and that she just found out that you both know Spencer, too. After the first impression, she proceeds to introduce you to those there: Derek, JJ, and Emily. From the corner of your eye, you can see Spencer downcasting his look at their curious glances at him.

"So you guys know each other?" JJ asks.

You both nod at the same time as Spencer mutters, "Caltech."

"Ah, fellow grads," JJ assumes. And in part, she is right. Indeed, you met while you were starting your master's degree and subsequent doctorate in the same area as Spencer.

"Kind of," you admit, seeing Spencer's cheeks flush and feeling yours burn too. The guy who was presented as Derek Morgan has a smirk plastered on his face.

"College sweethearts?" Morgan asks in a teasing tone. And he is kind of right, too. You lock eyes with Spencer, and you can't tell if he did or wants to say to his colleagues what you really were at that time. But before you both can even think of saying anything, Garcia's eyes widen in recognition.

"No! Wait a minute! Did you go to college together? You said the other day that you-" she starts connecting information, and you start to freak out internally. Before you can stop her, Garcia blurts. "Oh! Spencer is your ex-husband? You have to be kidding me!"

Shit. How did she figure it out so quickly? Sure, it might be your fault for sharing details about your college love life with her on a night filled with alcohol, but how could you have known she was already acquainted with him? You were careful not to mention any names or specifics, yet here you are.

"Wait, what?" Morgan's smirk turns to jaw slack in astonishment. There is no difference between JJ's and Emily's reactions. Spencer's face is flushed, and so is yours.

"Someone is going to say anything?" Emily asks, bouncing her eyes between you and Spencer.

"Uh, well—" you start, giving Spencer an apologetic look, who returns you an awkward tight-lip smile.

"Yeah. We were married," he confirms.

"When we were at college," you add.

You can feel the heaviness in the air and the mid-surprised, mid-incredulous looks from the people around you. Morgan is the first to break the silence.

"Damn it, pretty boy. What a story you had hidden from us," he says, patting Spencer's shoulder. JJ - the quietest one until now - senses how uncomfortable you and Spencer are with all the attention.

"Guys, why don't we give them a minute?"

After a moment of consideration, Emily seconds the motion. "Yeah, Morgan, would you help me with something?"

"Su- sure," Morgan agrees, still confused but following Emily nonetheless.

"But—" Penelope is still trying to understand the whole situation and has many questions she wants to ask.

"Come on, Garcia. I'm sure (Y/N) will find you when she is ready," JJ encourages, looking at you. That's when you get out of your daze and nod.

"Yes. Yeah. I'll text you, Penelope."

And just like that, the same way people surrounded you just seconds ago, now it's just you, Spencer, and an awkward silence.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you worked here. I didn't know you were Penelope's coworker, and—" you start to apologize.

"No. Don't. It's not your fault," Spencer rushes to speak.

"I shouldn't have told her about - about," you trail off.

"About you having an ex-husband?" Spencer supplies, and you shyly nod.

"Believe me, it's not a thing I tell everyone I meet, but Penelope, well, she-" you try to find the right words. Spencer nods in understanding.

"Yeah, she can be pretty convincing when she wants to know something."

Another halo of silence passes between you until it's Spencer who breaks it this time.

"So, how have you been? I mean, it's been a while." You nod, still uncomfortable with the situation but just as curious as you assume Spencer is.

"Yeah, it's been a while," you confirm. "Good, all good on my end. Working and living. What about you?"

"Me? Good. Working here at the BAU."

"Cool."

Cool? What does that mean?

A sharp 'Reid' is heard from behind you both, making you turn to the source. A well-dressed man with a serious gaze is looking at Spencer from an office threshold. "Can you come, please?" the man adds. Spencer nods quickly. "Sure. I'll be there in a second, Hotch." The answer seems to satisfy the man, so he nods and returns inside.

Spencer turns to you again. "Uh. I - uh-" he stutters, motioning where the man called Hotch was a second ago.

"Yeah. I have to go, too." You have to, actually, but you don't think you can face Penelope or anyone else right now, for that matter. "It was nice to see you." As you are about to run away subtly, Spencer calls your name. Stopping in your tracks, you turn, and your eyes make contact with his again.

"Would you - uh. Would you like to grab a coffee with me sometime?"

It catches you off guard, but you only assume he's being polite. You think you should return the gesture.

"Sure. Why not," you say, giving him a little smile. "Now I have to go. Bye, Spencer."

And with that, you resume your escape to the elevator.

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From the moment he saw you at the BAU, Spencer has never been the same. He never imagined he would see you again, especially under those circumstances. Spencer was so astonished he wasn't even able to start a decent conversation or even ask for your number after inviting you to a coffee.

Also distressed about the interrogation he knew his colleagues would subject to him, Spencer wanders through the BAU halls as if he were not in the present. And, in fact, he is not. After seeing you, he has only been able to think about you and the years you both spent in Pasadena.

A smile tugs the corners of his mouth every time one of those memories comes to him.

"Okay, pretty boy, spill," Derek prompts when he sees Spencer in the kitchen two days after your encounter.

"Uh? What are you talking about?" he turns, confused, to see Derek looking at him with a frown and arms over his chest.

"Come on! You know what I'm talking about. About the pretty lady, Garcia's friend, who happens to be your ex-wife?"

Spencer huffs through his nostrils.

"I already told you. We met in college, and we were together until we graduated," Spencer says nonchalantly as if it's normal. He tries, at least. Morgan scoffs at his attempt.

"Reid. You married her. You just can't tell me you 'were together' as you're talking about any other relationship. She was important; what happened?"

Morgan remembers well a few years ago when Spencer told him about a great love he had while at Caltech and how, from time to time, those memories would come to plague his head. It wasn't hard for Morgan to connect the dots and assume you were the person Spencer was referring to.

Spencer sighs thoughtfully. "We ended it by mutual agreement. We both knew our career paths were going to be incompatible, and we both had so many dreams to fulfill. Our greatest act of love was letting each other go. At least that's how I saw it for a long time."

"But you regretted it at some point," Morgan adds, and Spencer nods. "Why didn't you try to find her then?"

"I didn't want to be selfish. What if she already had her life going perfectly, and I was just going to show like a kicked puppy? It wasn't fair for her."

"Man, I get it, but what about now? You found each other again. Can it be a kind of sign or something." Spencer glances at Derek with an incredulous look.

"Are you listening to yourself? You sound like Garcia," Spencer grumbles, making Derek laugh.

"Yeah. Definitely, it's something my baby girl would say. But, truly speaking, Reid, why not take a chance?"

Spencer huffs in frustration. "I - I don't know anything about her in these years! I didn't even ask for her number that day. I was frozen on the spot!"

"And that will stop you?"

A satisfactory smirk appears on Derek's face when Spencer stays silent, contemplating his options.

---------

Not wanting to talk about the encounter with anyone, you write to Penelope, apologizing for having to leave suddenly that day. She responds everything is fine and doesn't even ask you why, to which you are tremendously grateful.

But as the days pass by, you know you have to talk to her at some point, so you invite her to come over one afternoon.

You have been thinking a lot and rationalizing everything that happened. Of course, there was always a possibility of crossing paths with Spencer someday, but turning it into reality is different. So you conclude all your nerves were out of the shock of something unprovable happening, not because seeing Spencer after ten years made you fall off your balance.

With that in mind, you were ready to talk to Penelope.

Once she gets to your apartment, you first apologize for leaving that day and explain how you got frozen after the unexpected encounter. Garcia tells you not to worry and even says she is sorry for telling everyone about her discovery without any filter.

"It's just- I was so impressed. I couldn't help it!" she explains, and you nod in understanding.

"It's okay. I guess no one expected something like that."

"Right? But I have to ask. How did Spencer Reid become your husband? I mean, you told me about your ex-husband and all, but I'm sorry, I can't picture Spencer even talking to a girl without stuttering, less asking for marriage, and then divorcing? It's beyond me."

It catches your attention how she talks about him. Although you met Spencer when you both were very young, knowing how shy he was, over time, you managed to beat his barrier and meet a wonderful man full of charisma and not so sheepish after all. Has he never shown that side to anyone else in all these years?

"Why so much interest in my marriage? It's been a decade," you ask Penelope, and her scoff sounds a mix of obvious and disbelief.

"Honey, it's unbelievable Doctor Loving Reid has kept THAT information to himself for so long. So now that it is out, it does pick my full interest. Spill. What happened?"

You shrug your shoulder. "It's like I said the first time I told you. We were young, a whole life ahead. Neither he nor I wanted to cut each other's wings."

"But you loved each other!" Penelope complains with an adorable pout. You have known this woman for what? Less than a year? And she seems brokenhearted about something that happened to you and Spencer ten years ago. She's right, though. You and Spencer were mad in love. Unlike what people have believed for years, your marriage was not a result of a wild night of alcohol and passion in Pasadena. You were both quite sober when you went to court that day. Both even had written down the vows you professed in front of the judge- yours on a piece of paper and Spencer in his brain, of course.

"If it's any consolation, the year we were married, we were very happy," you tell her, fondly remembering that time. Garcia rolls her eyes.

"Well, exactly that's what I mean, miss. If you were so happy, why end it like that?"

The only answer you can think of is 'it's complicated,' but that will surely increase her curiosity.

"We wanted the best for each other, even if it meant being apart. As good rational beings, we weighed our options, and the sensible thing to do was to end it."

Putting it in that way, Penelope can believe it. Having known Spencer for years, she knows for a fact his big brain is capable of analyzing every probability of every possible outcome. What seems incredible to her is how feelings - how love - can be rationalized like this.

A ding from your phone pauses your talk with Penelope. You glance at the device and see a text from an unknown caller.

'Hi. I'm Spencer. I stupidly didn't ask you for your number, so after cursing myself for the past few days, I had to find it out. Don't get mad, please. I would really like to grab a coffee with you if you are up to it. If you don't want to, I understand. And if you don't want me to contact you again, just say the words, and I'll stop. But I really hope you say yes. SR.'

Okay. This is unexpected. Indeed, you remember not having exchanged numbers with Spencer, and you didn't give it much thought either, assuming his invitation had been out of pure kindness. But here you are, reading the message and feeling an emotion you can't describe. Nostalgia, maybe?

You narrow your eyes to Garcia, who immediately suspects who sent you a text.

"Before you ask, I didn't give him your number!" she defends as you breathe a deep sigh.

"He's asking me out for coffee," you tell Garcia, and she can't help but squeal.

"Will you say yes?"

"I don't know. Is it a good idea to get back in touch after all these years?" you muse more for yourself than her.

"Honey, only you know what's best for you, but if you ask me, I remember you telling me after you both split up, you were left with a lot of 'what ifs' in your head, and some of them are still floating around. Maybe this could help clear them up once and for all."

Penelope has a point. But now, you have a dilemma in the form of a coffee invitation.

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It's just a coffee. Don't overthink it.

You have been telling yourself that for a while as you walk to the coffee shop where you agreed to meet Spencer today.

He is just being nice.

Sure, after ten years of no contact, this sudden encounter in the FBI - with all his colleagues there - maybe pressured him to invite you to grab a coffee.

Still lost in your thoughts, you don't realize you are already there. After taking a deep breath, you step inside and look around. You spot him in a booth in the corner, back to you. A smile tugs at your lips, remembering all the coffee dates you both had back then. It was your thing. Hours and hours talking about everything and anything until the owner asked you to leave because they needed to close.

"Hey," you greet, making Spencer look up to you.

"Hi," he returns, a smile plastered on his face. "Thanks for accepting my invitation," he gestures for you to sit.

"Sure. Why I wouldn't?" After taking off your coat, you sit in front of him in the booth.

"Yeah. I mean, we haven't talked in ten years. And then we see each other at my work, and- well, it's kind of weird, I guess?"

Weird is an understatement, you think.

"You are right. Kind of it is."

You notice there are two coffee cups on the table. Spencer follows your line of sight.

"Uh- I had ordered already," he points to the coffee in front of you. "I don't know if you have changed your order, though."

"Thanks," you mumble appreciatively. "I haven't changed it, actually."

"Great!"

You try to gauge his expression. Is he nervous? Anxious? Because you are.

"Spencer, if you are uncomfortable, we can just go home. There is no—" You can't finish the sentence before Spencer cuts you off.

"No. No, I'm not. Please, don't think that."

"Okay," you concede. "I won't. But you need to be honest with me, okay?"

"Of course," Spencer agrees.

"You felt obligated to invite me here after what happened?" You bluntly ask, and Spencer's eyes widen.

"What? No, of course not," Spencer immediately denies. "I really wanted to see you. It's just that-" he hesitates. You tilt your head, waiting for him to continue. "I just didn't know if it was right, you know? I mean, we never reach out, and then it happens. We never agreed-" he trails off. And you know exactly what he's talking about.

Back then, when you decided to go separate ways, Spencer asked you what would happen if you met again in the future, and you shook your head, saying it probably wouldn't happen. So yes, you never talked about the possibility, and Spencer understood he should never contact you, and so did you.

"I know. We didn't," you recognize, regret slipping in your voice. "I guess I didn't want to think about the possibility back then."

You two know there are things you left out and left unsaid the last night you were together in Pasadena, but you don't think it's a good idea to say them now—not when this is supposed to be a friendly reunion between exes.

"So, since when have you been working in DC?" Spencer asks after you tell him about your work career on the west side.

"Almost two years," you admit.

Two years living in the same city. Spencer wonders if Garcia hadn't met you, he would have ever seen you again.

Your professional career has certainly been prolific; Spencer can tell after the stories you have been recounting. Years of experience and important jobs, just as you had dreamed when you were in college. These are the same dreams you shared with Spencer during the nights of studying and those where there was everything else but studying.

"I thought you were going to pursue academics. When did the FBI happen?" you ask after saying it's enough of talking about yourself.

"I thought that too. And I did it for a while. Then I met Gideon. He - uh, he showed me what the BAU had been doing, and I knew it was my place to be."

Spencer fondly tells you about his early years working as a profiler and how much he has learned. It seems that, like you, he has found his professional calling.

Two hours and three coffees later, you are both laughing about the weird and funny things you have seen in the past years. It feels good, and much of the initial nervousness has dissipated. But there is one topic you both have actively avoided: romantic relationships.

You are curious about it, and Spencer is, too, but neither of you wants to be the one to mention it first. Spencer is who breaks first.

"Are we going to talk about - about that? I feel we have been dancing about the topic, but I don't know if you want to."

You can't help but snort out of being caught and for the subject itself. You are sure your almost nonexistent love life is enough to make anyone cry or laugh.

"I'm still that obvious?"

"You have your tells," Spencer shrugs. You raise an eyebrow.

"I have my tells? What about you, doctor? You have been bouncing your leg the same way you did the day you defended your engineering PhD dissertation."

Spencer's eyes widen. "You still remember that?"

The insinuation of you forgetting that day makes you scoff.

"Of course I do! I tried everything to try to calm your nerves. Do you remember what I did, and actually, it worked?" Spencer's cheeks redden because he remembers.

You won't tell the details, but you recall, as clear as the day, how you helped him to 'decompress.'

"Okay, okay. Guilty as charged."

"So, what do you want to know?" You ask, still not fully ready but resigned, leaning back in your seat and crossing your arms over your chest.

"Are you with someone?" Spencer asks, and you gasp, feigning surprise.

"No beating around the bushes, uh?"

Spencer's cheeks flush, and he can't help it. "If it's out the line, you don't need to answer."

Seeing him flustered and biting his lower lip makes your heart do flip-flops. It's something you haven't felt in a long time—ten years, to be exact.

"If you had asked me a month ago, I should have said yes."

Indeed, you had a boyfriend until a month ago when his insistence on moving in with you was too much to handle, and his frustrated self decided to say a lot of awful things when you said no to him.

Some people would say you have commitment issues, and maybe you have. But in all honesty, until this day, there is no one you have felt secure enough to take that step.

It's ironic, considering you already have a marriage under your belt.

"I'm sorry," Spencer mumbles.

"No. Don't be. It wasn't meant to be."

'Like I used to think about us,' you want to add, but you refrain. Instead, you explain in not much detail every failed relationship you have had. Spencer listens intently, his heart aching to think of how a part of you might have been broken with each failed relationship. He hasn't done any better, though.

"And that's all. As you can see, there is nothing too exciting to remark," you chuckle to lighten the mood. "Tell me about you. There is a Mrs. Reid waiting at home?"

Spencer snorts, shaking his head. "No. There's no Mrs. Reid. The only one who has held the title has been you," he says with a look that makes your breath hitch in your throat. What is it? Longing?

"Wow. I feel honored," you tease, trying to hide the heat rising to your cheeks.

Spencer tells you about the few relationships he's had over the years. In his own opinion, none of them are very meaningful. When you ask him why, he doesn't hesitate to answer. "This job not only consumes my time, but also a lot of me as a person. Not everyone understands that."

He would like to say no one has ever been so important as to make him doubt continuing to work in what he does. The only person who ever made him doubt was you. But instead of saying it, he prefers to end with a "I guess that's why no one has stayed."

Listening to him talk is like listening to yourself, trying to minimize the fact that professional success is possibly one of the main reasons why other parts of your personal life have never flourished.

It was your choice. You both decided to make it that way. But sometimes you wonder if...

"Do you think we made a mistake?"

Spencer's question gets you out of your thoughts.

You look at him, baffled. "What?"

"Do you think we shouldn't have broken up? That I shouldn't have left?"

You pondered his question for a second. It has to do with how you felt at that time? Or does it have to do with how you felt after or even now?

"Honestly? I don't know, Spencer." A resigned sigh leaves your lips. "I always wanted to think it was the right thing to do."

"You never regretted it?" He asks you, and you shrug, not knowing much to say. Instead, you opt to ask him the question back.

"Did you?"

"Yeah. I did," he admits. "Sometimes I still do."

A heavy silence settles between you. The admission that you both had doubts about the drastic decision you made almost ten years ago is difficult to take. It unfurls a whole new set of questions whose answers you are not sure you are ready to hear or say. But it's only fair he knows your truth as you know his now.

"For what is worth, me too. I regret it. More often than I would like to admit."

Spencer's heart starts to beat faster; breath hitches in his throat for a second.

He tentatively reaches out to rest his hand on yours. You watch the action and think you know what it means. His eyes are hopeful. Something you'd like to mirror in your own, but the uncertainty is there, and you can't help it.

"Spencer, no. Please, don't." You try to articulate but not take your hand away from his. "I wish I could tell you I'm willing to try- to try to make up for lost time, but I can't. Even though it may not seem like it, we're strangers to each other, and I'm not in a place to even think about- you know."

Spencer gives a little squeeze to your hand, nodding.

"I know. And I'm not asking you for us to redo our story and start from where we ended. No. But I would love to get to know you again and be your friend."

"Friends?" You ask, brows furrowed. He smiles.

"Yeah. First and foremost, you were always my best friend. My person. Even if we never get back together as a couple, and we don't have to, I don't want to lose you again."

You take a moment to think about his words. What would be the harm? You're at a stage in your life where you don't want to live thinking about those things you wish you had done and didn't. The things you might have done differently. Why not put reason aside for a moment and just be?

You squeeze his hand back, a sign of yes; you're willing to get to know the Spencer in front of you.

---------

Three months have passed since your conversation with Spencer at the coffee shop. You both agreed to reconnect as friends, which has led to many coffee meetings, lunches, dinners, movie nights, and walks in the park. And to say your heart feels full and happy would be an understatement. You've realized how much of the Spencer you met in Pasadena still exists, and the connection that once brought you together has revitalized and is stronger than ever.

Neither of you has wanted to rush things, and so far, you're both happy to be able to spend time together.

Spencer has also opened the door for you to the BAU team, which has been his family for eight years now. In addition to the bond you already had with Penelope, you now regularly attend the girls' night she hosts with JJ and Emily. You've also gotten to know Derek and Hotch better and understand why Spencer considers them like his older brother and father figure, respectively. You've also become a favorite of David Rossi, who doesn't take no for an answer every time he invites you to one of his dinners.

Like tonight, where you find yourself vividly chatting with the girls in a corner of Rossi's backyard.

"No way I could have passed Dynamics and Mechanics without Spencer," you acknowledge when you're talking about the most challenging subjects you had in college.

"It seems a very interesting topic," Emily jokes, not knowing what the hell you were talking about.

You giggle at the memory, cheeks turning a shade of pink.

"I still remember those afternoons Spencer spent trying to help me memorize the Euler–Lagrange equations and the Hamilton's principle. He made it interesting, if you know what I mean," you wink at them.

"I don't think I want to know," JJ muses. Emily snorts at the suggestion.

"Oh, I definitely want to know what that means," Penelope pipes. You chuckle.

"One night, he made me recite the whole equations with his head buried between my thighs," you confess with a mischievous look.

"Oh my God!" Garcia's jaw goes slack, and Emily's eyes widen in disbelief.

"You fucking kidding me!"

"Definitely, I didn't want to know that," JJ shakes her head.

"Well, I helped him with Applied Computer Science. He had to produce a code to operate a string of relational databases while I was on my knees su-"

"Okay! I get it!" Garcia cuts you off, with her hands in the air, as Emily laughs and JJ groans.

"You asked," you shrug, a smirk on your lips.

"Okay, okay. But hear me out. Since we are talking about college time, and honestly speaking, we all have had someone in college, more or less important, with whom to study or do other things," Emily prefaces, making you giggle. "But from that, to marry, and one year later to divorce? How do you get over something so intense like that?"

You have questioned yourself the same for years.

Looking past JJ's shoulder, you see Spencer talking with Morgan, beer in hand, and you can't help but feel the smile creeping on your face when he looks back and winks at you.

If anything, the past months have made you realize what you had back then with him was unique. But what you're having now? It is as unique as before and better.

"I don't think you get over it. And it's okay; you learn to appreciate it and value the chances life gives you after."

The girls follow your line of sight and share a knowing look. When they see Spencer approaching the group, they collectively decide to go inside the house for a new drink.

"All yours," Garcia whispers to Spencer before going in a bee-line with Emily and JJ.

"What was that?" Spencer asks you with a quirked eyebrow when the girls are out of sight.

You look at him, pretending not to understand.

"I assume they wanted a refill," you say with a shrug. Spencer nods and smiles at you.

"And you don't? Do you want me to get you something?"

"No. I'm fine," you respond to his offer. "Besides, I think I've got my alcohol ration filled for the night."

"If you're done for the night, I can take you home if you want."

That's the Spencer you know, always concerned about your well-being and comfort. You shake your head.

"Not yet. Walk with me, though?" You ask, extending your hand for him to take. Without questioning reasons, Spencer nods and takes your hand. The two of you begin to walk towards the pool area, where the sound of the music coming from the house is less audible.

It's not unusual for you to hold hands now. You trust each other, and it's been an innocent way of showing affection. And while the tension of something more has been building, neither of you has wanted to take the next step yet.

When you stop in the pool deck, Spencer moves to stand in front of you, his free hand reaching to tilt your chin with his index so he can inspect your face for some kind of clue.

"Are you okay?"

You nod as your fingers, from your joined hands, absently play with his. A thorough smile tugs the corners of your mouth. Your eyes admiring Spencer's honey ones in the moonlight.

"More than okay," you admit. But Spencer knows there is more in your mind you're not saying.

"Yeah?"

"Yep." You're stretching this on purpose. A smirk plays on your face. Spencer knows what you are doing.

"Good." His voice is amused. This game was one you both used to play back then, testing each other's curiosity and seeing how long it took the other to demand an answer about what the other was thinking. Usually, you were the one who won since Spencer couldn't stand not knowing.

"Have you grown patient over the years, Dr. Reid?" You ask, entertained. Spencer's laughter fills you with a feeling you thought was dormant inside you, but he has managed to refloat.

Not wanting to prolong his torture, and because you don't have it in you to hold back any longer, you decide to speak.

"I know you remember, but can you tell me the first thing I said to you the day I met you?"

Spencer's eyes narrow in search of the moment you're referring to.

-

You were in the library, busily searching through the shelves for a book you couldn't find. Spencer could see the stress radiating off of you. After watching you for a few seconds, he decided to walk over to the shelf, and leaning down, he pulled a book from the top shelf before presenting it to you. "Maybe this is the one you're looking for?" And he was right. Your first thought was, 'How did I not see it before?' and then you realized the weirdest thing of all, 'how did he know which was the book you were looking for?' You didn't know the guy, and as far as you knew, he didn't know you either.

Seeing your confusion, he proceeded to explain. "It was an educated guess, seeing as you have Fuller's, Richmond's, and Helbert's there. I assumed you were in Thermodynamics 301 and didn't have Priest's."

-

Spencer laughs before trying to imitate your voice. "Can I buy you a coffee in appreciation and keep you in my purse for future reference?" You nod, smiling.

"Bold of me for asking that to a stranger, uh?"

"Bold of you for thinking I would ever refuse," Spencer says in a mocking tone to match your joke. You both share a fit of laughter. Once it subsides, your eyes fix on him.

"Bold of me to think I wouldn't fall in love with you after all these years." Your words hit Spencer, whose expression changes from light to serious in a second.

"What?"

"It's like they say. At some point, something has to give. And this is my moment." You pause before continuing. "I can't say I'm sure what's coming, because I'm not. I also don't know if what you've seen of me these past few months is worth enough for you to love me again. But there's one thing I do know. I love you. I loved you, I missed you, and now I've loved you again."

Spencer is speechless. His brain tries to piece together each word you say. You take both his hands in yours, and you can feel them tremble.

"If you'll have me, I want to be the one that stays," you add, hoping your words are good enough to convey your emotions.

You don't know when tears start running down your cheeks. It might be when you see Spencer's glassy eyes.

"I do love you. And I want you to be the one who stays," he rasps before releasing your hands to cup your cheeks with his own, leaning down to whisper, "Let me be the person you want to stay for."

"You already are," you whisper back before closing the distance between you, allowing your lips to meet in a tender, sweet kiss. A new promise and a new beginning for two souls that were meant to be. Thanks to fate, or maybe not. That doesn't matter anymore.

-

As you kiss, part, whisper sweet nothings to each other, and kiss again, not so far away, are two people watching the scene with satisfied looks on their faces.

"Do you see that, Hot Stuff?" Garcia asks Morgan. A smirk appears on his face.

"Yeah, mama. I see it, clear as the day."

"We did it!" Penelope cheers, whisper-yelling, making Morgan chuckle.

"I should never have doubted you, baby girl," the man says, kissing her cheek.

"Of course not. But I forgive you only because I'm so happy our plan worked wonderfully."

-----------

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

Penelope Garcia's curiosity always gets the best of her. She has gotten to know you better in the past months since the IA convention where you met. She sees you as a beautiful person and a good friend. So when you told her on a night full of alcohol about your ex-husband and how important your relationship was for you, Penelope couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to know more, so maybe she could do something to help. Do what? She didn't know, but maybe more information about it would give her an idea.

Quickly typing on her keyboard, she finds a Pasadena Marriage License with your name on it. Checking the date, Garcia notes you had married in the summer before your senior year. It was expected. You already told her that.

What was unexpected, though, was finding out who the person you had married was. Garcia had to read the name twice before realizing the huge discovery she had just made: Spencer Walter Reid.

'No way! It has to be a mistake,' she squealed, fast-reading the information on the papers. No, there wasn't any mistake. You married Spencer Reid almost ten years ago. The same Spencer Reid she has known for so long and works with her every day.

But wait. You had said, ex-husband. Where are the divorce papers?

Typing again, she finds a divorce request signed by you and Spencer a year after you married. So that is true, too.

Overwhelmed by everything she has just discovered, Garcia is about to close the web tabs with all this data when something pops up: it's a court resolution dated six months after the divorce request. The resolution reads that the request has been denied because one of the parts couldn't be notified for comparison to the Pasadena tribunal. Garcia narrows her eyes and types again, looking for an updated legal document granting the divorce request. She finds none.

'Double holy fucking shit! They are still married!'

Without knowing what to do with this new information, she starts pacing frantically in the office. Garcia knows that the information she found wasn't for her to know, but at the same time, how does it not you or Spencer know this? She can't tell you, but she should, or maybe not. Grabbing her phone, she dials the only person she knows will help her with the dilemma.

"Derek Morgan. I need your delicious ass in my office right now!"

And just like that, a plan emerged. A plan to give a little push to destiny. A little push to you and Spencer cross paths again. Maybe this time, for good.

-----------

"And when are you going to tell them about their failed divorce?" Morgan asks Garcia, who is still looking at the couple giggling and kissing.

"Oh, shush. Let them enjoy tonight. There will be time for that."

Derek Morgan shakes his head, laughing. "Okay. You're the boss, mama. You're the boss."

---------------

Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

@sockdooe

If youre ok w sharing then i would love to hear your thoughts on lotor........ Hes such a weird guy. Dissecting him like a frog

If i get hate for this, i am blaming you/j but in all honesty i apologize if this kinda messy, as i have said it has beem awhile since i saw any of the episodes about him. Most of it is my personal interpretation and opinions of his character-

First of all i personally hate both "L0tor is evil rapist imperialist who did not have a single redeemable quality" and "L0tor is uwu poor baby who did nothing wrong", because yeah he had good intentions and he seemed to genuinely love Alura and care for Alteans but also he very much did do a lot of things Wrong. I am pretty sure a lot of his actions fall into category of Very Wrong

Lot0r to me is an absolute control freak, he has to be 10 steps ahead of everyone, he needs to be control of the situation no matter what. Whether it be through a silver tongue or by his blade (see N@rti's death, him vs White Lion). This is as much as a ruthless strategy as it is a trauma response. Being raised under Z@rkon, a father who only saw him as inferior half-bred, he had to learn survivor tactics. He will do anything to survive whether it be beg, lie, manipulate, and kill. He is a survivor of some genuinely godawful abuse he suffered for 10,000 years, combined with racism he suffered for being half altean

However this need to be in control extends to his allies and people he cares about. I am sure Lotor may have loved Alura, it doesnt change the fact that he very much abused her trust. Their entire relationship was based on a lie. He knew Alteans were still alive and not only did he not tell Alura about it he leaned into the "last survivors of Altea" for their relationship, which is why it was doomed since the beginning. And if it had not been this, then it would have been something else. Cause lying and manipulation are very much core of his character, that is how we are introduced to him

Like i see people going "Oh Lot0r could have been good if he had therapy and a hug", and i am not really not sure about it, cause like would he? Would he choose to be vulnerable and actually let his feelings out and be truthful in a an unbiased reliable way that will neither serve him in any way nor make him look better nor is a part of some machivilian scheme he cooked up because he doesnt trust the therapist he is paying? No

And thing is he does desire connection. He looks for connection in people who are similar to him. Half galran, altean survivors, Alura these are the people who he chose to get close to. He looks for similarities, people he can relate to, people who he sees as like him, people who he thinks can give him a sense of belonging. He is deeply lonely. However his desperation for control, absolute mistrust in anyone and everyone, and his inability to be actually honest dooms any relationship he'll ever have

Also this is probably just me, but for someone who is this morally complex character he has tendency to see things in black and white? Like it is His dad and empire= bad, alteans=good. He idolizes Altea to the point of seeing it as an Utopia, and this ideal was more important to him than any Alteans who are alive and with him. I also cant remember him ever caring about someone outside of the Dichotomy. Like at most i remember is after he became the emperor Lance pointing out how other planets need to be freed and he just brushed it off

Overall he gives me the "smart people dont always make good decisions, but they are good at justifying their bad ones" vibes. We dont know exactly why he decided to use alteans as batteries but i am choosing to go with my interpretation- "Lottor saw something fucked up in that future showing space whale thingy, decided the only way to solve was altean batteries except in true self fulfilling prophecy greek tragedy way it only made things worse and started a series of event that will cause the thing he saw causing real trouble a few years after his death.

Another thing! I think it should have been him being the focus of Evil Altean episode instead of A//ura. I hate that episode and everything it stands for but like if there Had to be an evil alteans episode then it should be around someone who is you know? Obsessed with Altean culture? Is big on control and manipulation? Is more geared towards big picture and "greater good" over individual? Is worried about turning into just like his galran father and so desperately wants to connect to his idealized version of his altean mother? Yeah

[incognit0slut]

Much Ado About Nothing (Act I, Scene II: The Crude Suggestion)

A provocative joke leads Spencer to contemplate, yet ultimately avoid, a crucial conversation with you.

Part warning: a little suggestive comment and two idiots being stubborn Words: 2.1k A/n: I want to remind you that each part doesn’t necessarily follow one another, the story focuses on their relationship and not on the cases being told. This is just a collection of shenanigans and nothing too serious!

SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

There was something about being in the middle of nowhere for a case. Maybe not exactly nowhere—you knew where you were, you could pinpoint this city on a map, but there wasn’t the same bustle and constant noise you were used to in Quantico. The relative quiet was unsettling, yet oddly comforting.

Although nothing was comforting about checking the crime scene deep in a forest in broad daylight. It was a small, unnaturally circular clearing where the grass was trampled down in places, and in the center was the remains of what you were there to investigate.

“So,” you started, your eyes scanning the place. “Do you think the Unsub uses these remote areas to avoid detection, or is he just a fan of the great—albeit bland—outdoors?”

Spencer glanced at you from the other side of the clearing.

“Statistically speaking, the isolation could serve to minimize the risk of witnesses. However, it’s also plausible that the Unsub finds comfort in solitude. Or maybe he just dislikes traffic.”

“Dislikes traffic,” you repeated, deadpan. “Yes, because serial killers are really just misunderstood commuters.”

Just as Spencer was about to retort with what you assumed would be a wildly thrilling statistic about traffic patterns and criminal behavior, Emily’s voice cut through the tension. “Can’t you two ever not bicker for more than five minutes?”

You turned to her. “I’m just trying to get a straightforward answer. But apparently, that’s too much to ask for.”

“I’m giving you a range of possibilities, which is what profiling is about. Sorry if that’s too complicated for you to understand.”

“Oh, I understand completely,” you replied, matching his tone. “I just find that half of your theories are unnecessary.”

Spencer’s eyes narrowed. “The depth of analysis ensures we don’t overlook anything. It’s thorough, not unnecessary.”

“You call it thorough. I call it overthinking.”

Emily stepped between you, raising a hand. “Alright, enough. Can we focus on the case now?”

“He started it,” you couldn’t resist muttering under your breath as you moved to another part of the clearing.

“Me? You were the one who—”

Emily cut him off with a loud, exasperated sigh, tilting her head back as if seeking divine intervention, before turning her gaze sharply back to both of you.

“Most people go to therapy to deal with this much-unresolved tension,” she remarked dryly. Then, fixing you with a pointed look, she added, “You know what else might help?”

You frowned, glancing towards her. “What?”

Emily paused dramatically, her gaze shifting from you to Spencer and back again at you, lingering a little too long. She didn’t say anything, but the way she raised her brows and the smirk playing on her lips, you knew what she was implying. It was as if there was an unspoken code that only years of friendship between women could understand.

You looked away, a slight burn along our cheeks.

Spencer, still oblivious, looked from Emily to you, confusion written all over his face. "What? What are you talking about?”

“Well—”

“No!” You stopped her. “Don’t listen to her.”

Spencer’s confusion deepened, his gaze shifting from you to Emily, trying to decipher the underlying message. Emily’s smirk only widened, clearly enjoying the discomfort she’d stirred up.

“You should ask Y/N,” she said, her tone teasing. “I’m sure she knows some great ideas for... tension relief.”

You felt your face heat up even more, and you shot Emily a warning look, partly annoyed and partly embarrassed by her insinuation. But she simply just laughed, and when a sudden car pulled up near them, Emily found a way to escape.

“Oh, look, the sheriff is here,” she said, swiftly changing the subject. “You guys check the area while I talk to him.”

Emily walked off to meet the sheriff, leaving you and Spencer alone in awkward silence. You turned away, eager to divert your attention back to work when you felt him hang back slightly to walk with you.

He seemed to hesitate before speaking. “What was she referring to?”

You glanced at him, trying to gauge his reaction, wondering if he was genuinely confused or just looking for a way to keep the conversation light.

"Nothing," you replied with a dismissive shrug, keeping your eyes on the ground ahead. “She was joking.”

“I could tell, but what about?”

You paused, realizing that the vague explanations weren't going to satisfy him this time. His analytical mind was both a blessing and a curse in moments like these.

"She was suggesting—jokingly—that we might relieve our constant bickering... through more unconventional methods."

"Unconventional methods?"

“Sex, Reid. She was implying sex.”

His face instantly turned a shade of red, perhaps deeper than you had ever seen before. He blinked a few times, clearly taken aback by the bluntness of your clarification.

"Oh," he managed to stutter out, the usual fluency of his speech faltering under the weight of the topic. He bit his bottom lip, a nervous habit that you had come to recognize as his attempt to buy time while he gathered his thoughts. 

“That’s…”

“Crazy, right?” You pressed on. “I mean, nothing good will come out if we start blurring pleasure and professional lines like that.”

There, you said it, an underlining of your words that carried more weight than the immediate conversation. You wondered if he understood your double meaning, and maybe he did, because his gaze met yours sharply.

He exhaled, his demeanor shifting as he processed not just Emily's joke but also the deeper reference to that night—the one neither of you spoke about but still lingered between you.

“Right,” he finally responded, his voice firm, yet there was a hint of something else you couldn’t quite decipher. “Nothing good at all.”

“It would only complicate things.”

“Exactly.”

“It’s a bad idea.”

“The worst.”

For a moment, you both stood there, the forest around you fading into the background. You broke the silence first, turning away from him. "We should finish up here. There's still a lot of ground to cover."

With those words, you moved ahead, feeling his gaze on your back. The crunch of leaves under his steps echoed as he followed in silence.

It would only complicate things… as if it wasn’t already complicated in the first place.

Spencer looked over to where you stood; it was clear you were trying to avoid him for the past hour. He watched as you meticulously examined every leaf and twig, your focus seeming more like an escape than an investigation.

He knew he should say something, perhaps bridge the gap with an apology or an olive branch of some sort, but every potential word seemed to catch in his throat. It seemed like a constant cycle of hesitation and missed opportunities. Every time he thought to speak, doubt would claw its way back, holding him silent. 

He wondered if perhaps it was the same for you.

“Hey,” Emily’s voice filled the silence as she joined back. “Did you find anything?”

Spencer’s train of thought was abruptly interrupted by Emily’s arrival. He straightened up, quickly shifting his focus back to the present. He gestured towards the markings on the ground that you both had been examining.

“We might have found something.” 

Emily crouched beside you, eyes scanning the evidence with practiced ease. “You think this is from our Unsub?”

You nodded, offering the specifics, “The pattern and depth suggest it’s not natural. And the spacing might give us an idea about the size and weight of the Unsub.”

“I’ll get the forensics team to take a closer look.” She stood up, looking between you and Spencer. “You two okay here?”

“Yes, we’re fine,” Spencer answered quickly, a bit too eagerly. You simply nodded without saying a word.

“Alright, maybe I like it better when you both bicker.”

He saw you shrug nonchalantly. “I’m gonna check the other side,” you announced before walking away.

"She's avoiding me," he stated, a note of helplessness threading through his voice.

“Can you blame her?”

“What?” He asked, his voice tinged with defensiveness. “So it's my fault?”

“Well… did you do anything wrong?”

There was a pause before he glanced away, his mind racing through that night. “Maybe,” he admitted, his voice low, almost reluctant. 

"There you go, you have your answer.” 

He shifted from one foot to the other, visibly uncomfortable, as his fingers twitched at his sides. “Do you think we’re overreacting?”

She sighed. “Look, I don't know the details of what happened, and as much as I want to help, it’s between you two. The way I see it, you have two options: either resolve the problem or continue bickering.”

He frowned, mulling over her words. He glanced toward you and faltered for a moment, noticing the glare you were throwing him even from the other side of the clearing. It was clear you didn’t want to engage in any type of conversation with him.

“Yeah, I think I’m going to stick with bickering.”

Emily laughed. “Really? You don’t want to consider my suggestion earlier?” When she caught the blush creeping on his cheeks, her grin widened. “Finally caught on what I meant?”

His blush deepened, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Oh, yeah, well, that's definitely not an appropriate solution," he stammered, trying to regain his composure. Collecting himself, he latched onto a more comfortable territory—facts. 

"Actually, according to a study, about 20% of workplace relationships lead to marriage, but they can also significantly complicate professional dynamics, increasing the potential for conflicts of interest.”

Emily simply smiled, clearly amused at how flustered he was. Her silence only urged him to continue.

"And, well, that doesn't even begin to cover the fallout if things don't work out. The workplace can become, um, a challenging environment for both parties involved. It's just... it's tricky."

Spencer winced to himself, because ironically, the fallout was already happening. The situation he was theorizing about in vague terms was unfolding right in front of him.

"It sounds like you're speaking from experience.”

“I’m not!” He responded almost too fast. “I’m not.”

She studied him, her eyes narrowing slightly as she assessed his reaction. He shifted uncomfortably, his gaze dropping to the ground. The quick denial had been too sharp, too reflexive, and now he felt cornered by his own reactions.

“I’m not,” he insisted again. “I just... I mean, I've read a lot about it. You know, studies, research papers, it's nothing personal."

Emily nodded slowly, not entirely convinced but choosing not to push further. "If you say so.”

Her eyes lingered on him for a while, and when she realized the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, she turned around and left him.

“Where are you going?”

“Comforting her,” she called out, walking backward. “Something you should’ve done.”

He watched Emily walk away, her words stinging more than he wanted to admit. Then his eyes traveled to you, and it was as if you could sense his lingering stare, you looked up and met his gaze.

Anger. Annoyance. It was what he caught in your eyes before you quickly masked it with a neutral expression. The intensity of that brief exchange was enough to make him realize just how deep the rift between you had gone.

Spencer knew talking about it was the mature thing to do, but he also feared that bringing up that conversation might only open another can of worms. He felt stuck, unsure if addressing the issue would heal or harm. So he went back to being a coward and turned in the opposite direction.

It was for the better. You didn’t want to talk to him anyway.

[1moreff-creator]

Is there some type of masterpost for all the crazy hidden stuff for Despair Time? like the hidden quotes, the Mai stuff, a comprehensive guide to LGI?

Well, there’s been a few really useful posts over the years. There’s the Secret Quotes, “All you have to do…” Page, Mai Quotes, About Page Text masterpost by despairing-disaster, which I must have visited 15000 times; accirax’s episode guide is a great resource even if it’s not exactly what you asked for; and at the risk of sounding a bit arrogant, I think my Mai post and my full LGI analysis video “A Full Vivisection of the David MV” are good for their respective subject, though they're more analysis than "masterpost". But, for the purposes of having it all in one place, here’s my

DRDT SECRETS MASTERPOST

Spoilers up to and including CH2 EP16

-About Page Text

The source code of DRDT's About Page holds (or held at some point?) the following text:

“You don’t understand, do you? I used to be like you. I barely remember, but I used to be like you. I cared so much about people, I cried everytime someone was hurt. I suffered for a long time stuck in here caring about people." "I know what you’re going through. You’re going to hold on as long as you have, with hope that you can make it out of here with everyone. Then you’re going to despair. That lasts a while, too." Then you’ll get bored. Like me. And you’ll wish you were still suffering. Anything else is better than boredom. "I wish I could feel something, anything else, other than being bored. I’m stuck in here for eternity, and I know everything that could possibly happen. I know how everyone reacts to a murder, what makes people turn to despair, what fills people with hope and make them survive until we all run out of food and starve to death." "I wish I could feel terrified, or afraid, or angry. But I can’t anymore. I don’t feel anything at all except boredom." Do you understand, Teacher? "This is why I’m letting you suffer as long as possible. Because it’s better than the alternative." I’m sorry. I don’t envy you. You’ll understand eventually.

(Note: The quotations marks are placed exactly as they are in the code, but the importance of this is debatable)

-Secret Quotes

Quotes hidden in the source code of each character’s personal page. Ordered here by the order in the cast list.

Teruko: It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all. Xander: survivor guilt(n): feelings of guilt for having survived a catastrophe in which others died. Charles: If you forgot it, then it probably wasn’t important to begin with. None of those memories should ever be kept, anyway. Ace: I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Arei: Because that’s what friends do. Rose: In the end, the only thing I can do is watch my wretched life go on. Hu: I want to pay for what I’ve done. But even then, I still want to live. Eden: You can’t go back, no matter how hard you try. Levi: I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness. Arturo: You hated them, but even that doesn’t justify what you did. Min: I wanted to save you. David: I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I wish you could just die. Veronika: Once something is broken, it can never be pieced together in quite the same way again. The same goes for people. J: Please don’t call me your daughter ever again. Whit: We tend to idolize the dead. Nico: Why should I own up for the mistakes that someone else made? MonoTV: Her name is Mai Akasaki.

-"All you have to do..." Page

By using MonoTV's quote to get the name, typing in https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/maiakasaki into search shows a page with this text:

“All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I’ll give it to you. Ask for my life, and I’ll give it to you as well. Don’t apologize for asking. I’ll give you my forgiveness too.”

(Bolded text highlighted for reading comfort)

Source code hides the following text:

“Are you still searching for a secret? For some explanation that will satisfy you? There’s no answer I can give you that will make you happy. Maybe I should have lied instead. I’m sorry.”

The bolded letters in this page gives you the code AOAVIEPKRO, which when typed in the same way as Mai's name (https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/AOAVIEPKRO) gives you the linked Mai Akasaki character page (you can also just Google it nowadays).

-Mai Quotes

Entering the Mai page displays, at random, one of the following quotes. The source code gives them an order and relates them to a specific character. Ordered here in the same way the code does it.

Teruko: Some years ago, she was searching for someone named 'Teruko Tawaki.' Charles: A girl who loves her family. Rose: She remembers everything that is important to others. Arturo: A girl who sees the beauty in everyone. Levi: A girl with a floral tattoo on her arm. Whit: A girl with many friends. Eden: She kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up. J: She kept it a secret, and told no one. Hu: A girl who wanted to keep everyone safe. Nico: Everyone confided in her. Ace: A girl who had a bright future. Arei: She doesn't like it when her friends fight. Min: An average girl with nothing special at all about her. Xander: She couldn't stand to do nothing. Veronika: A girl who didn't foresee the consequences. David: She forgives everyone. MonoTV: It's all your fault.

-Second Anniversary Secret Code

There are two columns, one with letters, a dot, apostrophes and spaces, across from the other, with numbers. By rearranging the "rows" in order (1-2-3...), you get "It's all your fault." (Dot included).

-Character Playlist

At one point, dev uploaded a playlist of sixteen songs, where each one was meant to be connected to one of the characters in some way. The playlist has been privated/deleted, so here’s a recreation made by venus-is-thinking. Below are listed the songs in the order they show up in the playlist, although it’s unclear if the order means anything or they’re completely randomized. I find the latter more likely btw.

-Diamond is Unbreakable from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure OST -Sing Along by Sturgill Simpson -RUNAWAY by half•alive -cartoons by Louie Zong -asymptotic by Louie Zong, Unofficial Extended Edit by Axolotl Dreams -アイアルの勘違い (A Mistaken Belief of Love) by Niru Kajitsu, cover by yama -春嵐 (Shunran) by John -イヱスマン (Yesman) by NILFRUITS, covered by Noristry and カケリネ (Kakerine) -アンデッドエネミー (Undead Enemy) by Suzumu and Giga-P, covered by 松下 (Matsushita) -Drawing Pins by Nothing but Thieves -ハイファイ進化論 (Hi-fi Evolution Theory) by 稀雨 ("Rare Rain") and ふぁるすてぃ (Farusti) -tip toes by half•alive -ポリゴナル (Polygonal) by ふぁるすてぃ (Farusti) -Spitfire (05 Version) by The Prodigy -desk rotation by HALLEY LABS -Good Grief by Bastille

******

Literature Girl Insane

Naturally this gets a whole section for itself. That said, I will ask that you watch Vivisection (linked above) for every visual detail, piece of text, color connection theory, language theory... basically everything that wouldn't be considered a puzzle or a code in some way.

-Footnotes

Numbers which appear attached to certain parts of text, which are referenced in the video's description to give them extra meaning. Refer to this post for images of all the footnotes, as well as a first impression analysis.

[Footnote Number] Description Text -> Text it's attached to in the video. [Time of appearance and link] {Notes}

[1] In this situation, it is better to use full names over nicknames. Exclude our protagonist—he is not “that person.” -> Now [1:22] {Crosswords puzzle}

[2] Other examples include Drosophila melanogaster and E. coli. -> an albino mouse, arabidopsis. [3:02]

[3] From Title 17 of the United States Code. -> A “derivative work” is a work based upon one or more preexisting works, such as a translation, musical arrangement, dramatization, fictionalization, motion picture version, sound recording, art reproduction, abridgment, condensation, or any other form in which a work may be recast, transformed, or adapted. A work consisting of editorial revisions, annotations, elaborations, or other modifications which, as a whole, represent an original work of authorship, is a “derivative work”. [2:18] {Tumblr why did you remove yellow you're fucking up my color scheme}

[4] The practice of avoiding the number four; it is most common in East Asia. This superstition arises from the fact that the number four can be read similar to the word “death” in multiple languages. -> subtract 4, due to tetraphobia [1:46]

[5] As the translation has been intentionally botched in many parts, it should not be considered accurate. -> (translation needed) [3:10] {The text is "(translation needed)", not that I need a tanslation :v}

[6] (Prayer) -> 🙏 [2:02] {Extremely small and almost invisible, bottom right of the hands}

[7] Seven is considered an auspicious number in many Western cultures. Let's just skip it. -> Mind [2:41]

[8] ‘Tut, tut, child!’ said the Duchess. ‘Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.’ -/> N/A. This footnote cannot be found, as it is not in the video. [N/A]

[9] no respect for the classics smh -> So sing a degraded copy [2:07]

[10] The Roman numeral for 10 is X -> X [2:00] {Very small, top right of X}

[11] I admit to lying. There is no one named ••••• •••••. I am, and always have been, an only child -> suspicious gaps [1:32] {Still no idea what the hell is going on here}

[12] “Majority rule” is known to be the fairest method of making decisions for a group. That’s why murderers never complained when we voted for them to die -> Tallying votes… [2:02]

[13] 正 -> correct [2:40] {Refer to "Tally 5" for further information}

[14] Hint: word length of 256 -> = [3:52] {Refer to "Footnote 14 Puzzle" for further information}

[15] “Ignorance is bliss” is an idiom used to say that it is better to remain ignorant about certain harsh truths, in order to avoid causing oneself stress. The expression comes from a 1742 Thomas Gray poem (“Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College"): “Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.” -> Remaining ignorant, isn't that "happiness"? [1:47] {Again excuse the lack of yellow}

[16] While it was originally intended to serve as a military march, today it is most commonly recognized for its association with circuses and tomfoolery. -> [sheet of music] [2:49] {The song referenced is "Entry of the Gladiators," so it's presumed that's what the sheet shows. I couldn't find an exact match, but online sheets look similar enough}

[17] Not a real word. Can't be found in any dictionary. -> Democratic-ly [2:00]

[18] A/N: soz not very good at drawing flowers lol!!! -> dandelions (weed) [3:04]

[19] A dialogue between two individuals that serves as a discussion of moral and philosophical issues. -> Will you forget what you've done, I wonder? [3:42]

[20] It is considered by many to be outdated, providing little-to-no insight on human nature. -> The Kübler-Ross model postulates that those who experience grief go through a s[] of five consecutive stages: [1:53]

[21] Deriving from the Latin phrase “Et cetera” : meaning “and other (similar) things”, “and so forth”, or “and the rest (of such things)” : abbreviated to etc., etc, et cet., &c. or &c -> etc. [3:48]

[22] The rest is silence. -> [4:21] {This footnote shows up on its own on a black screen, that's why there's no associated text}

-Roman Numerals

The crosswords attached to footnote 1 can be completed in the following way, attaching each character (minus David plus Mai) to a numeral.

Below are all the numerals, listed in numerical order. Refer to this post for images.

[Numeral] [Character] Text it's attached to *Background text* *Other background text* [Time stamp and link] {Notes}

[I] [Xander] (the world of abnormal sentiment dances) *I have always looked up to you* [3:50] {Refer to "Footnote 14 Puzzle" for further information}

[II] [Rose] Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum [1:34] {Translation: I think therefore I am (disturbed)}

[III] [Charles] If you doubt brittle things are broken *And now here’s my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye* [1:37]

[IV] [Arei] Right now, why do you cry? [1:39]

[V] [Ace] Right now, why you go insane? *A cat has 9 additional lives* *I am but mad north-northwest. When the wind is  southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw.* [1:42]

[VI] [Arturo] mind exercises 1 2 3 4 [2:41]

[VII] [J] Do it like that, let’s live together! *The Moral La[w] causes the people to be in com[plete accord] with their ruler, so that they wi[ll f]ollo[w] [him] regard[less of] their lives, undis[mayed] by any danger* [2:10]

[VIII] [Nico] even if i try to think, idk!!! [2:44]

[IX] [Levi] look, aside from that, give me the usual medicine *[Extract from a scientific paper on Shoemaker-Levy 9]* [2:46]

[X] [Min] Democratic-ly *In the case of a murder, all survivors must participate in a class trial. During this trial, everyone must discuss and vote for one of the remaining participants as the "blackened" murderer* *👈👈* *👉👉* *🙏* [2:00]

[XI] [Mai] God is dead [1:48]

[XII] [Eden] ???: But you're in my way, aren't you? [2:28]

[XIII] [Teruko] or *Only the eyes belied this assumption. They were small, deep set and crafty. Not only that. As the man, making some remark to his young companion, glanced across the room, his gaze stopped on Poirot for a moment, and just for that second there was a strange malevolence, and unnatural tensity in the glance* *Those are the terms. To exchange all the goodness and grace of every life in Omelas for that single, small improvement: to throw away the happiness of thousands for the chance of happiness of one: that would be to let guilt within the walls indeed.* [1:55]

[XIV] [Veronika] Things like substance of the arts *subtract 4, due to tetraphobia* [1:44]

[XV] [Whit] Remaining ignorant, isn't that "happiness"? *subtract 4, due to tetraphobia* [1:46]

[XVI] [Hu] ???: Go and cry. [2:27]

Windings

At 0:35, windings text flashes on screen. It's the beginning of Never Gonna Give you Up by Rick Astley. Yep.

-"What is the most important thing?"

To this day the best answer we have to this is replacing each question mark with the corresponding letter of "RESOLVE." If you find something else, please tell me.

-Bullet-Finding

The MV tells us to find six bullets, but if you look at the top left book, it says "(hint: no you can't)" Here are the five bullets which can be found.

-Morse Code

At the end of LGI, the following Morse code flashes on screen.

-.-- --- ..- / … - .. .-.. .-.. / -… . .-.. .. . …- . -.. / .. -. / -- . / -.. . … .--. .. - . / . …- . .-. -.-- - …. .. -. --. / .. .----. …- . / -.. --- -. . .-.-.-

-… ..- - / - …. .- - .----. … / .--- ..- … - / ..-. .- -. - .- … -.-- --..-- / .. … -. .----. - / .. - ..--..

.. / … .. -- .--. .-.. -.-- / -.-. …. --- … . / - --- / -… . .-.. .. . …- . / - …. .- - / -.-- --- ..- / -.. .. -.. .-.-.-

.- ..-. - . .-. / .- .-.. .-.. --..-- / .. .----. -- / .. -. -.-. .- .--. .- -… .-.. . / --- ..-. / -… . .. -. --. / … --- -- . --- -. . / .-- .. - …. --- ..- - / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.-

Which translates to:

YOU STILL BELIEVED IN ME DESPITE EVERYTHING I’VE DONE.

BUT THAT’S JUST FANTASY, ISN’T IT?

I SIMPLY CHOSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DID.

AFTER ALL, I’M INCAPABLE OF BEING SOMEONE WITHOUT YOU.

-Footnote 14 Puzzle

(Solved by y-prime) (Apologies if I get any of the technicalities wrong, I'm not good with codes)

After Numeral I flashes on screen, you get a bunch of numbers, followed by an ampersand (&), more numbers, an equal symbol (=) attached to footnote 14, and a bunch of question marks. Footnote 14 is "Hint: word length of 256," and 256 is 2^8, which is 8 bits in binary. This tells us we need to get a binary code using the bitwise AND (&). If you're uninformed, I was too, but basically, & first transforms decimal numbers into 5 digit binary, giving the next values:

14631484268173741020143036451175923368636278930404923743082436772069705217326 -> 10000001011001001000000110101001101001011101100110010110101000111100010110110001110111011000010111100111110011001000001110110011101111011011110110101101100101011101000010100001110101011101000010000101111100111011110011000011111001111111110111010100101110

43607886503718811525798764321686495628071353085956330717581498375291444100526 -> 110000001101001001100000110100001100001011101110110010100100000011010010110110001111111011000010111100101110011011100100110110101101111011011110110101101110101011001110010000101111101011100000010100001110100011011110110000001111001011011110111110110101110

Note: The second value is actually 255 digits long in binary, the first is 254 (don't- do not ask me how this happens, it's what the decoder gave me). Arbitrarily, you have to delete the first 1 from the second value.

Then, & compares each number in the binary, and returns 0 if at least one of the values is 0, or 1 if both values are 1. This gives you:

10000001001001001000000110100001100001011101100110010100100000011000010110110001110111011000010111100101110011001000000110110001101111011011110110101101100101011001000010000001110101011100000010000001110100011011110010000001111001011011110111010100101110

Which is 254 characters, you need 256. Arbitrarily, add two 0s at the beginning of that final code. When converted from 8 digit binary to text, you get "I have always looked up to you."

(I hope you appreciate the detailed explanation it took me hours to figure out what y-prime did they're so much better at this than me T_T)

-Tally 5

(Originally solved, to my knowledge, by anderscim)

Although originally we weren't meant to share the solution, I think over a full year after the video, with Part 2 fully out, the embargo is surely over by now.

On the books in LGI, there is a QR code which takes you to https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/tally5. This page has only a text box where you can input text, and a title asking "Was I correct?"

The "Was I correct?" connects this to the "correct/incorrect" scene attached to footnote 13, which itself is 正, a Chinese symbol which can mean "just" or "correct." Additionally, this is a way that people in eastern countries tally up sets of five, the way you might see someone use something like 卌, which connects it to the infamous "tally5" URL.

Transcribe the text, and separate it in sets of up to five characters (hence the whole "tally 5" thing), and ignore line breaks (the end of line two has four at the end, completed by the d in row three. I more or less followed the line breaks for visual clarity). Pick the first number of each set, as highlighted below.

3aqxw 97pkt c8uki 458fb dpfoa cllex 2f07b f8mg2 4b4mp fx2a(d) c6v3f 5yhxj d8i7s f1l31 2zaj5  1azet 47jod 5jcze c5mvb 6bz2o 59r14 3sf2p e916s czen7 emvbl 55ehe 9iqb2 708tt 83482 c8tw3 c77gn 47ojc a634g bcfz0 0l6s6 47wwl akcn4 6bre1 e0eam 9

Provided you've done everything correctly, you should get39c4dc2f4fc5df2145c653ece5978cc4ab04a6e9. Put that in the "Was I correct?" text box and you get the following image (you will most likely only see the top part, but copying the image and pasting it elsewhere shows the text at the bottom as well):

I became a villain in pursuit of your dream.

I threw away my humanity for an ideal I couldn't understand.

But I don't regret it. To "regret" is to imply that I could have done anything else.

I never told you, but the truth is, I wasn't capable of ever becoming human in the first place.

So in the end, you are always-

****

-Notable Visual Details

This part is mostly subjective. If you feel something shouldn't be here or I missed something, it's because these are just the details I personally consider noteworthy, or I forgot to add something (I'm open to suggestions here). Also I'm ignoring LGI in this section otherwise I would need 15000 screenshots.

+Fork Fun

(From left to right: Pre-prologue scene of bloody hands, Xander's eye wound from the Trial 1 investigation, Eden CG from CH2 Ep13. The first shows a bloody fork on the table, Xander's eye wound is consistent with a slash of a fork, and Eden's hand is bloody, holding a fork)

+Teruko's Mystery Voter

(Voting results in each trial so far. Teruko received two votes in T1, and one in T2)

+Camellias (Unnamed Classmate and Mai connection)

(Left: Mai profile, her tattoo. Right: Bonus episode 2. Same flowers)

+Matching tattoo? (Teruko and Mai)

(Left: CH2 EP2 Teruko changing, a small black line can be seen on her left arm, similar to the stems of the flowers of Mai's tattoo. Right: Jacket off reference, a question mark is shown besides Teruko's left arm)

+Matching phone charms (Teruko and Mai)

(Left: Teruko's Monopad, CH2 Ep1. Right: Unnamed Classmate's phone, from Bonus Episode 1)

+Drawing on Teruko's Floor

(A drawing which appears on the floor of Teruko's room in CH2 EP3, and disappears in CH2 EP7)

+Whit's Hand Behind the Back.

(After the cast learns the elevator won't open after Levi gets shot, Whit pulls out his unhinged sprite, where he has his hand behind his back. Personally I don't find this important, but I'll feel stupid if it is and I didn't add it, so)

+Thanatophobia: Names on the graves.

(From left to right: "Elliot Cuevas", "Felicity Giles", "Taylor Riley." I promise it's easier to see when Tumblr doesn't compress the images. This is the main series way we get the names of Charles' brother, Arturo's sister, and Ace's old friend)

+(AltDRDT) Teacher's ID Card

(Transcript: "This ID card is the property of Hope’s Peak Academy. Use of this ID card by any person other than the rightful holder is prohibited. Report lost or stolen ID cards by contacted 555-483-7367.")

+(AltDRDT) XF and Min's matching pin.

(Yep, matching tie pin. Btw, Min doesn't have it in her Bonus Episode or the Sleepy MV. Did she only get this at the start of the killing game?)

-Potentially Important Posts

Nothing "secret," per say, but a compilation of some of the posts the dev has made which I consider to contain important information.

-CH1 QnA.

-Bonus Episode QnA.

-2 Year Anniversary (Already mentioned).

-Jacket off Reference (Already mentioned).

-CH2 PT1 QnA. Note: Certain answers were deleted. Here's a reblog with some of them, and below is a screenshot of a particularly interesting answer which was not saved by any reblog.

-Teruko's Brother Back Reveal (4 year anniversary).

---

That's everything I currently remember for now. If you feel I missed anything, feel free to tell me about it! I'll try to edit this post to remain up-to-date with all the insane stuff in this series.

Anyways, hope that's enough for the ask! Thanks for giving me an excuse to make this!

[thesnailtail]

;; *walks out of the tags covered in blood* ive finished! :D

;; the creechur since i don't even know if people actually remember her:

Ok yknow what here it goes.

Who is your favorite NPC and why? I want at least a 3 lines essay here (/j)

I just want to give some appreciation to NPCs since I don't tend to do that.

(mine will be in a reblog when i think of what to say about yuuki bc she spins around in my head but i want to know what to say)

[splatattackz]

a little bit of a ramon character analysis in all of this;

(from someone whos watched him basically since the start of the egg event)

let me preface this by saying BOTH sunny and ramon are very valid in how they feel right now, i just want to go through and explain how things are from ramons point of view.

lets start off. imagine youre a kid. its just you and your dad, because your other dad left you before you had really begun to speak. you're a kid, and youve never really gotten to have a childhood. from a mix of one of your dads leaving (and how he treated you before he left), to feeling isolated from every other egg (besides a few, a little), to feeling like you have to protect and save everyone else - youve never gotten to be a kid. you still remember that day, when the party exploded, and you were hailed a hero for saving all your siblings. you hadn't felt like a hero, you were scared you were going to die before you had done anything you deemed useful. the worlds loneliest hero. you are only 3 months old at this point. youve died already and live life on one life, a life that threatens to slip away every. single day. youve watched siblings die. youve watched worry swamp your dad, and youve heard his greatest secret. you are only a kid. this is not a childhood. youve never even had a sleepover.

and then enters the picture 3 new siblings. and you love them. you realize, youre now a big brother. and you take that with pride. you care for them. you protect them. youre trying to protect them from your own fate, of not having a childhood. and bad things happen. and you fail. and you fail. and you fail. and youre sorry, and it adds to emotional stress thats been building up for months with no escape hatch in sight.

and then something amazing happens! youve helped your dad find someone to love. you have a pai now. now neither you nor your dad are truly alone, you cant be. you feel amazing. you feel like you can be a kid now, your biggest worry gone. you feel like youve finally done something useful. you can be a kid now. ... except, you can't. not really. because one of the people you considered a big brother, alongside your little sister, are trying to ruin what youve accomplished. theyre trying to destroy your happiness, you think. everything youve worked for - theyre trying to make a rift between your dad and your pai. and your angry. so unbelievably angry. and you shouldn't be angry at your little sister, you know this. you shouldnt feel salty. your dad explained you cant be mad at the child for the parents' actions. but you cant find yourself to stop this anger. the emotional stress that has been building is breaking and being let out at someone you dont want to be mad at. but you cant bring yourself to face her and talk to them. you just want to be happy why cant they see that? why cant her dad see that?

you are finally being happy, you have such a big family now, and theyre trying to ruin it - and turn you and them both are beginning to lose family (eachother) but you cant help it. youre just a kid! youre just a kid seeing 2 peoole you love try to break up your dad and your pai! how are you supposed to feel? youre done being the grown up. after all these months you get to finally be a kid in a proper family. you just want to be a kid. why cant they let you be a kid?

tl;dr; ramons just a kid whos never gotten to be a kid and when he finally does get to be one he sees two of the people he loves the most try and ruin that. how can he NOT be salty and angry? he just wants to be a kid, is it too much to ask?

[maddymoreau]

Banban Analysis

I think Banban's story is the most interesting part of Garten of Banban and I'm extremely excited to see how it plays out. This discussion is essentially going to breakdown what Banban is and go through some of his behavior in the first four chapters.

Banban is the #6 experiment created by combining human genome from one of the doctors named Uthman Adam with Givanium for the upcoming Bring-A-Friend Day.

At the time Case #6 was considered a success outside one flaw. He views himself as human and as the actual Uthman Adam.

Once Case #6 and the real Uthman Adam were introduced to each other this lead to disaster.

As described (in Case Report #13 Update #3) Case #6 has a complete meltdown.

Which results in two things happening:

1. Case #7 named Banbaleena is created.

Since Dr. Weverly Mason was the only person Case #6 was willing to communicate with it's speculated her genome was used to create Banbaleena. Especially since the real Dr. Uthman and Dr. Mason are close.

While Case #6 and Banbaleena both view themself as their human genome donor only Case #6 was introduced to his.

It's unconfirmed how Case #6 perceives Banbaleena. Either as her human genome donor or something else. Regardless he recognizes something in Banbaleena resulting in their long hug.

Banbaleena helps Case #6 feel less alone however it doesn't change his disobedient and aggressive behavior.

Sidenote while this part is also speculation the parallels felt too similar to not mention:

During Chapter 3 when Case #6 has us make Nabnab a companion he say, "Nabnaleena was that solution. We had a theory that Nabnab was as aggressive as he was due to his loneliness."

While part of the reason we're creating Nabnaleena is because Nabnab is on the hunt making it too dangerous to do anything. I think since Banbaleena helped ease Case #6's loneliness that's part of the reason he has us help finish creating Nabnaleena. As a way to help Nabnab no longer feel lonely.

2. They used a newly-modified Givanium to lower Case #6's ability to self-think.

We actually witness Case #6 fall victim to his primitive instincts during one of the secret tapes in Chapter 3:

Case #6 is constantly struggling in between an internal battle Uthman Adam (who he perceives himself as) VS Banban (his violent primitive instincts).

After all it's Banban who has it's iconic quote:

Even though Case #6 has met the actual Uthman Adam he still perceives himself as the real one.

We witness this through countless dialogue. Even during the creation of Nabnaleena this is mentioned. "We had a theory that Nabnab was as aggressive as he was due to his loneliness." Referring to himself as one of the doctors despite the fact Case #6 isn't.

The saddest example being this conversation in Chapter 4.

"I feel now is a good time to introduce ourselves, which we haven't done up to this point if you can believe it. I am Uthman. I worked here before everything came crashing down, literally and figuratively."

"My coworkers and I should've spoken up sooner. Perhaps all of this should've been prevented then. But then again, my coworkers weren't really friends in those last couple of months anyway, so it would've needed some good planning."

"You ever had those friends that suddenly turn on you for no reason? To say mine turned on me would be an understatement. They suddenly stopped talking to me. They looked at me like I was some sort of monster. Sometimes I lose my temper, sure, but it seemed excessive. I was and still am confused, to say the least."

The awful way Case #6 was treated by his "friends" could also explain his behavior in Chapter 2.

"Look, i'm sorry I hit you but you gotta understand I needed something from you that I could only get if you were unconcious and I was all out of sedatives. If you'd seen me, you wouldn't have trusted me, I know it. But there was one thing I didn't lie to you about, and that's me knowing why you're here."

I find Case #6's confusion SO INTERESTING!!! You have a character who knows others view him as a monster yet he cannot understand why. Since when Case #6 looks in a mirror he sees "himself."

While Case #6 holds all of Uthman's memories before his creation.

Who is the ACTUAL Dr. Uthman?

We have these two notes.

Along with one letter between Dr. Uthman and Dr. Mason discussing the ball pit which reads, "This thing can barely support the amount of children we have enrolled in the kindergarten. We're having double that tomorrow. Something really bad is going to happen, and we need to be as far away from here as humanly possibly when it does. We've been on the bad side of the wrong people for a long time, and if we're still here when everything goes down, it will be the end of both of us. If not at the hands of angry parents, then at the hands of our superiors."

"A place like this should not exist. The stuff we've witnessed here should not exist. The casualties that will result from this catastrophe will only serve the greater good; which is shutting down this place once and for all."

"I'll have a plan ready for tomorrow. now, you just pack your things."

We don't know if this plan, Bring-A-Friend Day or something else are the result of how things have turned out.

Regardless both Dr. Uthman and Dr. Mason were unable to escape. We don't know what happened to Dr. Uthman but we do know Dr. Mason is currently with our child (from the notes they've left).

Boarding passes found in Chapter 1:

There's one MAJOR difference between the real Dr. Uthman and Case #6. Unlike the real Dr. Uthman who was prepared to abandon ship even viewing the potential disaster and casualties as something for the greater good.

Case #6 wants to help and even acknowledges, "My coworkers and I should've spoken up sooner."

While Case #6 may be hiding another ulterior motivate since he retains most memories of Uthman including knowledge of the secret down in the basement.

I think overall he's being honest with his goals mentioned in Chapter 2, "But there was one thing I didn't lie to you about, and that's me knowing why you're here. You're here for your children. I, too, am working towards saving them if you can believe it. But someone else has them. Someone far stronger than you and me both that resides deep in the abyss."

However due to the internal struggle he experiences falling into his violent primitive instincts from the newly-modified Givanium. When control is lost that alters his goals to eating our pancreas.

Case #6 is constantly having to work around himself.

For simplicity in this upcoming section I'm going to refer to regular Case #6 as Uthman and the Violent Instincts as Banban.

Chapter Two

The first Case #6 we meet is in Chapter Two is Banban.

At first tricking in the player and hitting them from behind Banban says, "Three birds with one stone!"

Note: Mr. Kabob Man the statue in Chapter 3 that imitates Banban also says the quote, "Three birds with one stone!"

"I get all of your keycards, I get the perfect specimen AND I don't have to deal with that thing down there. And it's all thanks to YOU! Oh come on, I didn't hit you THAT hard. Or maybe I did. Either way, it's best you take a nap while I prepare for our little surgery."

Despite this they also leaving us a note warning about the attack. However it reads as more of taunt to me.

While Banban mentions a surgery and using us a specimen nothing actually happens to the player.

Uthman could’ve gained controlled but I think that Banban was possibly prepping things when we woke up earlier then expected.

Since during Banbaleena's class Banban says, "Also teachers, please keep in mind that we are on the lookout for a very, very naughty student believed to be accompanied by a drone. If you catch them, call Principal Banban’s office immediately."

Very very naughty doesn’t feel like something Uthman would call the player.

When we later reunite with Case #6 there's a glass barrier between us. We can tell this is Uthman due to his behavior. He apologizes, is upfront with his goals and informs the player of a way to escape Banbaleena and Jumbo Josh.

Chapter Three

We first encounter Uthman over the speaker system.

"Glad to see you made it! I don't know how you did it, but then again you survived a giant elevator crash so I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"Also, again, I apologize for hitting you over the head. In fact, it is for this reason that I believe we should not meet face-to-face. You see, for whatever reason I am prone to violent instincts, and I do not trust myself to not give into them again."

"I have locked myself inside of a surveillance room. That way I can help without being a danger to you."

Uthman sticks to his word helping the player throughout the chapter. It's ONLY when brought face-to-face by Stinger Flynn that Case #6's violent instincts come out. Being drawn to the smell of the player's pancreas.

"You can run away, but the smell of your pancreas will always draw me to you . . ."

Resulting in a chase scene and eventually a fight between Jumbo Josh, Banban and Stinger Flynn.

Chapter Four

When you reunite with Uthman in the infirmary he says, "When the Queen mentioned having many new visitors in one day, I knew it had to be you. Listen, whatever happened to me . . . Whatever I tried doing to you . . . Just know it wasn't actually me. I was forced to obey without much thought. I tried communicating with you from afar for a reason. Now you know the true reason why."

"Still, I want to make it up to you. The queen filled me in on the situation with the elevator. I want to help with that. I feel much more in control now. I'll come help you find the missing pieces of the elevator. I just need to rest for a little bit and I'll meet you at whatever that station is."

Which Uthman does until a fight between him and Nabnab breaks out. Which I think is really cool considering Nabnab is his opposite. Both in name and character wise.

Despite Uthman transforming into Banban during the fight he is able to restrain himself. Not attacking us for our pancreas even though we're so close.

This is the final scene we see Case #6 AND I'M SOOO INVESTED IN HIS STORY AND SEEING HOW IT PLAYS OUT!!!!

Also I like how Case #6 cares deeply for some of the other experiments. Whether it's some form of kinship or out of a sense of duty believing to be partially responsbile for creating them.

Examples of this are:

When Jumbo Josh falls for one of Sheriff Toadster's trap Case #6 comments, "Poor Josh . . . I can't imagine how confusing this has all been for him . . ." Holding no resentment despite the fact they fought in Chapter 3.

In Chapter 4 Case #6 intends to hand over the imposter statue AKA Mr. Kabob Man to someone he describe as, "very close to me." (This is speculated to be Zolphius). Even commenting, "He must've gotten very lonely, but I got him a new friend."

In Chapter 2 Case #6 indulges in Banbaleena’s behavior. During her class over the speaker he refers to himself as Principal Banban.

I find it interesting the non-human version acts more humane than the real Uthman.

[beauty-and-passion]

TBOB PART 3: OF BILL’S SOLITUDE AND BILLFORD (2/3)

Welcome, everyone, to the umpteenth analysis post regarding TBOB.

This time, time to talk about Billford because

it’s always the right time to talk about Billford

TBOB doesn’t just hint that there was something going on: it basically confirms it. And as someone who shipped them for years yes, it feels amazing to see the ship being canonized. Not that it wasn’t already canon before, but you got it.

For all disclaimers and premises, please check the previous posts and the main masterlist.

<- Previous post - Masterlist

_______________________________

Kindred souls

Let’s recap: we have Bill, a being with a huge void inside him, a hole of solitude he isn’t able to fill - because how can you fill the deep desperation of being alone, because you lost everything and it’s your own fault?

He tries with love and friends, but his relationships don’t work, his friendships don’t work.

And then, Sixer comes.

*

Gifted like me

On TBOB, Bill says Ford’s IQ “was off the charts” and he was “wasting his gifts”.

In THE EARLY YEARS section, Bill says he wasn’t just “smarter than all the dull trapezoids and rhombuses”, but he also had “a gift, a rare mutation”.

In Journal 3, Ford says: “I am strange. I was born strange, I am attracted to the strange and the strange has always been attracted to me.”. Also: “my grades were too high and my social skills were too low”.

On thisisnotawebsitedotcom under the code EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES, Bill says Ford “was half a genius. The other half seemed to be frozen at the age of 18, still a child, totally dependent on outside praise, terrible at understanding and relating to others.”

They both have a birth defect that makes them special, they are both more clever than the others, they are both strange, they both have terrible social skills.

Add that they’re both alone, rejected, outcasts, searching for a purpose.

Is it so weird Bill was immediately drawn to Ford and immediately considered him a perfect partner? And fine, maybe it wasn’t romantic - at first, at least. But the possible attraction is now A LOT more plausible.

*

(Potentially) bad like me

In TBOB, Bill says he looked at Ford’s possible futures and “giggled with delight”, because he was “destined for so much more”.

What kind of possible, immensely fucked-up futures Bill could’ve seen, to “giggle with delight”? Well, consider this: Ford isn’t a 100% good person. (Just like every human being and that makes him an even more compelling character, imho.) He has - always had - the potential to become a villain.

Starting from the series: in The Last Mabelcorn, as soon as Dipper (and we) find out he was Bill’s friend in the past, for a second we all got the impression that this guy was evil. Journal 3 confirmed that Ford has such a massive ego, to think that “Icarus didn’t flap hard enough” and that he’s so much better than everyone else. In TBOB, in the missing Journal 3 pages, he says Rudolph the Reindeer should’ve burned his oppressor’s workshop to teach them a lesson. In other words, Ford is not exactly the nicest, most caring guy on the block.

So yes, it’s very possible that Bill peeked into futures in which Ford turned completely evil and joined Bill. The possibility has always been present.

As someone cleverly pointed out here on Tumblr (forgot your name & post, sorry!), probably the only thing that saved Ford was that Bill wasn’t always present. From what we learned, Bill left Ford alone for long periods (maybe because he had to deal with other shit?), to the point Ford grew jealous his Muse was with someone else. Maybe, if Bill stuck closer… who knows? Maybe it would’ve been easier to convince Ford to keep going with the portal. Maybe Bill would’ve convinced him that opening it was a great idea. Maybe he would’ve convinced him that destroying his world (and, consequently, his oppressors) was a good idea too. “A lesson to all!”, as Ford wrote.

*

Same fascination for the stars

In TBOB we learn that Bill’s mutation allowed him to see the stars. He looked at them and “was ready to be one”.

Ford has always been fascinated by stars. His signature is “per aspera ad astra”, which can be translated as “through hardship, to the stars”.

They are both fascinated by the universe in the same way. They both aim at the stars to reach their dreams.

And that’s even more interesting, if we consider that Bill’s friends have totally different dreams that do not involve the stars in any way:

Pyronica: burn the entire universe

8-Ball: host a podcast

Keyhole: restart his high school band

Teeth is basically a pet so… uh… treats, I suppose?

And we know nothing of Bill’s exes, but I doubt they shared the same fascination, all while being so similar to him like Ford is.

_______________________________

The endless flirting

In the missing pages of Journal 3 there is no homoerotic subtext: the homoeroticism is just laid here, in plain sight, with a flashing light pointing at it, in case you’re too blind to notice it.

Here are just a couple of examples:

A) “I think I’m starting to like you, Sixer!” / “I think I’m starting to like you, Bill.”: I’ve seen love stories starting with much less than this.

B) “Get out of my head” / “You first”: I can see them giggle with delight while saying this to each other. No way they said it in a less-than-flirtatious tone.

C) Ford says he has been contacted by “an interdimensional deity of knowledge… in a top hat”. He immediately noticed the top hat. In light of Bill’s love advice, now I firmly believe this is how Bill seduces people first. Well, congrats, Bill: the top hat worked.

 D) Ford comes back to his roots, by showering his Muse with compliments about how he “enriched my life and all he asks is just a partner and company”. You know, typical behavior of someone who isn’t infatuated at all.

E) The “IF LOST RETURN TO BILL” tattoo. And later on, Bill calls Ford “his property”. The toxic old men yaoi has never been more toxic, more old men and more yaoi.

F) On Ford’s birthday, Bill followed his own love advice and gave Ford rats as a gift.

G) Karaoke night. Just… karaoke night.

No, okay, more on karaoke night because that part is insane: first the “one thing led to another” which if it doesn’t mean “we fucked” it means “we made out like there’s no tomorrow” at least. Then the “I’m gonna, we’re gonna”... what, Ford? You’re gonna WHAT? Marry the triangle? Fuck him? Are we talking about kisses or should I pick up the BDSM scene in the Penthouse Suite- oh sorry, I meant THE LOVE CAGE?

I mean… I don’t even have to imagine something to make this couple work. It’s all written here. And if this wasn’t enough, then why not throw in some Fiddauthor too, in which Fiddleford is so busy making TWO gifts for Ford, to forget to get something for his own family. And he comes back to Ford, instead of at least trying to make up with the woman he married.

And since this STILL WASN’T ENOUGH, why not make a full “Love Triangle With The Triangle ™”, starring Ford jealous that his Muse was “off inspiring some other scientist” or “posing for some tapestry” (what, Ford? Are you afraid someone is drawing him like one his their French girls?), while Bill is jealous that Ford spends his time with “a third-wheel hillbilly”.

I mean… I always felt it was canon. I just didn’t expect canon to be an avalanche running over me.

_______________________________

Honest like never before

If there is something more insane in these pages besides karaoke night, then it’s the “monster conversation”.

First Bill basically hints that he tried to undo the past and get his dimension back (for more details, check THIS post).

Ford replies, “I guess you can never really go home again, can you?”. And considering the use of the impersonal “you” and the construct “going home again”, they both seem to confirm my train of thought - i.e. that Bill tried to get his home back and that “home” isn’t just a physical place, but his parents and, most importantly, the love and affection he lost when he destroyed everything and experienced, for the first time in his life, loneliness.

I don’t know you, but I doubt Bill shows the last speck of his home dimension to everyone. He may talk about Euclydia as an oppressive place, but actually showing what’s left of it? I don’t know, I think it’s a bit too… personal, you know? I mean, how would you feel, looking at something that reminds you of all the people you killed for a mistake?

This alone should be enough to prove how much Bill is trusting Ford here. He’s not just talking about his place like he did with his Henchmaniacs, he’s showing it too. He’s showing what’s left.

Remember: to his other Henchmaniacs, Bill said he liberated his home dimension. In the Love Cage, he will repeat the same excuse - while showing Ford that the actual “liberation” means destroying everything.

This alone proves Ford is more than another Henchmaniac, a tool, or whatever other excuse Bill pulls up while talking about him. He told him, for probably the first time in his life, the truth: that his home dimension was destroyed. Not saved, not liberated. Destroyed.

And he could’ve still saved face. Ford thought Rudolph should’ve burned his oppressor’s place, so he could’ve accepted some excuse like “my place was absolute, total, utter shit, so I burned it to give a lesson to all people opposing me”. Bill could’ve taken the merit of ending it.

Instead, Bill said it was a monster. For the first time, we see Bill talking about himself not in positive, grandiose terms, but in a negative term. He sees himself as a monster.

And no, we can be sure he wasn't lying, because that's not the first time Bill "looked more distant than I'd ever seen him":

And guess what, that distant expression appeared when he talked about his home dimension, how flat it was and how he "liberated" it.

But that’s not all:

So, not only Bill sees himself as a monster, describes himself to Ford as a monster, but gives him an indirect warning too, by saying that the monster “would eat you alive”.

Hirsch truly wanted us to tear ourselves apart in angst and I respect him for that.

_______________________________

And with that, let’s close this post too. The last one will come soon and it will be about the post-betrayal and how well Bill handled it.

Spoiler: not so well.

-> Next post

(How about a coffee? ☕)

_______________________________

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[scoupsahoy]

i wanna talk about The Ship War going on right now in the 911 fandom (largely on tiktok and twitter) and i'm not a bnf especially in this fandom (and i wouldn't want to be) but i'm kind of hoping people on both sides are willing to read this post anyway because i cannot be the only one completely turned off by it

i finished writing this so i wanna clarify: this is officially aimed at buddie shippers (i am one of you) because i genuinely want to have meaningful discussion and also i'm not exactly defending tommy here. but! i think if bucktommy shippers were interested in reading, there is stuff in here for you too

i have to split this up into sections which is annoying but i won't be able to make any sense without sections so. sorry

1. pre-tommy buddie shipping

so like a lot of people i knew about 911 and buddie entirely through tumblr osmosis, and there was a general attitude of confidence: buddie WILL become canon. if it doesn't... something something. i don't really know the season 6 finale was hard for a lot of you. and after watching, i do really understand why. but.

from an outside perspective, this fandom attitude was nothing like i'd ever really experienced before. i stopped watching supernatural around season 11, several years before gaycas, when confirmed bisexual dean was genuinely outside the realm of possibility.

i was a tjlc believer. i was an episode 4 conspiracist. i have been delusional about gays on my television screen before. so i was really apprehensive at the way buddie fans were moving. not only was buddie GOING to happen, but if it didn't it would be a failure of the network and the showrunners and the actors and it could have been the greatest love story ever told and shipping was not ENOUGH. it had to be canon in order to matter. shipping anything else was fruitless and offensive. this was what i was seeing. and i was like. well there's no way that's going to happen

and then season 7 started airing and there was this reignited hope

and then 7x4 aired.

2. the birth of bucktommy

so i started watching 911 after 7x4 aired. a lot of people did. i'll be honest i did genuinely think that eddie was out and gay and i was like "oh shit is it finally happening??" and then i realized it was some other guy and spend like 4 straight days tumblr deepdiving into it

like i said i was almost exclusively following buddie shippers so my consensus was like. buck and tommy are cute but it's obviously (TO ME) a steppingstone for buddie. after watching the entire show i do still feel that way.

here's the thing though: shipping isn't about what is going to be canon. i'm a marvel fan. my first fandom was fucking icarly, okay, my track record of shipping non-canon couples that actually end up together starts and ends with nbc sitcoms and even then barely. shipping to me is about character analysis and smooshing barbie dolls together with my friends. shipping to me is putting some guy in a blender and another guy performing frankenstein experiments on them

it doesn't matter to me actually that a ship isn't going to end up together, even if i like them. i'm not saying some bucktommy fans don't overstep certain boundaries (that i'll get into) but a FAIR BIT of them know this. a fair bit of them were buddie shippers and a fair bit of them still are. and there's a reason theyre put off

3. social media discourse

the first real piece of morality discourse came from tiktok. i won't namedrop this creator but if you're on tiktok you know who i'm talking about.

this person started the tiktok talking about something that i genuinely do agree with: fans who love tommy but hated all of buck's ex girlfriends should probably perform some self-reflection on the very real misogyny problem in 911 fandom and fandom in general. this i am 1000% behind. a call-in of sorts: hey guys! check yourselves! it is really easy to fall into misogyny especially with gay shipping. though i will argue that buddie shippers could stand to do the same thing (looking at you, people who write fanfic where ana flores is ableist for no reason)

they went on, however, to say that bucktommy shippers Must only like bucktommy because they are a gay ship, And Also Therefore, these people Must Be gay fetishists, as the only reason you would like bucktommy over buddie is because you just want to see men make out with each other. You People don't like gay shipping in the Correct way that i do, you like to gay ship in a nasty fetish way (only slightly exaggerating). you saw that buck and tommy kissed online and you watched the entire show just to watch men make out with each other which is Bad And Wrong.

aside from the fact that this person also literally started watching the show after 7x4 aired (and like i said so did a lot of people. one would think this is a morally neutral thing to do), this struck a nerve with me. this take (which was repeated ad nauseam by everyone in their circle) is just plainly irresponsible.

it is inappropriate to suggest that someone is like. morally reprehensible for *checking my notes* shipping a canon television couple. is tim minear a gay fetishist for writing the bucktommy kiss? is the average viewer a gay fetishist for going "oh i didn't see that coming! they seem like a nice couple"? is my mom a gay fetishist? are you calling my mom a gay fetishist??

this is an argument that i've seen happen in a billion different ways over the past decade and a half of being in fandom spaces by the way. are women allowed to read gay fanfiction? what about gay porn? what if they get off to it? are they allowed to write it themselves? what if they're not straight? what if they're not women? was casey mcquiston fetishizing gay men when they wrote red white and royal blue? is the romance genre allowed to exist with gay men and straight women in it? do you have to check everyone's gender or sexual identity at the login page for ao3 and tumblr dot com to determine if it is morally okay for them to participate in fandom at all?

and then there was the comparisons between bucktommy and buddie fic stat breakdowns: bucktommy's are writing more smut And That's Bad and buddie fans are writing stories with plot And That's Good.

it. is. irresponsible. it is oversimplifying. it is judgmental and above all else it is irrelevant. people could like bucktommy because they think they're hot or because they think theyre interesting or because buck realized he was bisexual or because they think tommy has potential as a character. it is a ship. creating a dichotomy where one ship is the morally good thing to ship and one ship is the morally bad thing to ship is irresponsible and not in the spirit of fandom.

morality and purity conversations in fandom are like. an entirely different can of worms to talk about and this is going to be long enough already. but bucktommy shippers shot back with the same energy:

if you don't like bucktommy then you are homophobic because tommy is gay

i did see quite a bit of this argument because a number of people that id been following did get into bucktommy and i do still follow and like these people

i covered most of my feelings about this type of argument above but to reiterate: it is possible to like different ships without making it a morality competition. it's disingenuous and annoying.

especially that brief stint where people were saying that the bucktommy shipname was a slur against gay men. you can just not like it. you can just not like it and have it end there. it's an ugly shipname but you don't have to make it a moral issue.

especially because then buddie shippers pulled out the trump card:

4. the tommy problem

because these people just watched the entire show in like four weeks (again, neutral statement, i did the same fucking thing) they remember tommy from hen and chimney begins. and. okay

i'm not about to be taken out of context here. i watched bp's video when it came out, i think what was said was wrong, i'm not about to say that being racist was like. cool or excusable 20 years ago. i think there is a discussion to be had here about this though. there's a reason i'm typing this out carefully:

i want to say firstly that there IS a conversation to be had about the social landscape in 2005 and especially pre-obama america for the purposes of a bunch of 20 years olds who were not alive or fully conscious yet. people told casually racist jokes (casual in that they are told casually without intent for violence, not that they are not violent. all racism is violence) and there were fewer social ramifications for those racist jokes in 2005. that does not make them Magically Not Racist. they were. it was not okay. it was, however, Extremely Common. does that make it okay? no.

i'm saying that largely because it seems to ME that tim or whoever wrote that particular episode wrote that joke to paint a picture of where the characters are in the story. chimney is not under bobby. he is not being treated with respect. he is 15 years in the past (from when the episode aired. whatever) it is different. it wasn't supposed to matter who said it

(it did matter and it does matter that it's tommy who said it by the way. because that's like. the universe of the show)

(though my theory - and i'm just being stupid for a sec indulge me it's 3am - is that tim and ryan both LOVE writing in guys named tommy. seriously i've been rewatching glee and when i watched 911 i noticed this too that there are so many characters that we never even meet named tommy. abby's ex for one. my theory is that tim wanted to bring in some guy named tommy for buck's awakening and he realized he already had one. lol.)

SECONDLY. sorry that was longwinded. secondly, i am a person who believes that people are capable of change. 20 years is a long time to grow. even as an adult. again, this does not excuse racism, but it is important anyway.

this is all theoretical but i want you to walk with me: it is possible for a 20-30 year old closeted gay white man with a homophobic captain pre-obama to pick up and not experience consequences for inappropriate comments and casual racism and even be seeking out a parent-like validation from someone who encourages it AND THEN, after 20 years wherein he realizes he's gay, comes out of the closet, i believe it is POSSIBLE for him to unpack his internalized racism, apologize, and grow as a person

obviously these are fictional characters but it is important to my fucking philosophy of life that people are capable of change and having empathy or understanding that in fictional characters is so fucking baseline.

it is important that we as a society can agree that someone's behavior, ideology, and/or biases can change. that like. that just HAS to be possible.

caveat #1 that does not mean that any people of color who are fans of the show have to like tommy or even forgive him (or even like. hen and chim lmao it's kind of clear to me that at least hen doesn't) and i am not going to tell them to

caveat #2 i also understand that there is no explicit acknowledgment of this on screen (i think this is because tim forgot which i find funny but like i said. it still matters that it's tommy regardless of intent) and because of that there technically is nothing To forgive

ALL OF THAT TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT.

even if we are assuming that tommy has learned nothing and has not changed at all. the leap from "tommy is/was racist" to "shipping bucktommy or finding tommy interesting Makes You Racist" is heinous to me.

sometimes people like characters who are shitty people. some of you like tony stark. sorry

it's ridiculous to me because there are plenty of other reasons to dislike bucktommy that doesn't like. vilify random people on the internet. he's not even framed as a particularly good boyfriend! we don't even know if they're boyfriends, for one thing!

i've been complaining about buddie shippers for this entire time but i literally am one of you and that's what pisses me off. you threw the first blow in the morality competition and you are bigger - and you KNOW you are bigger because you are proud of the fact - and you are winning.

you are right about a lot of it: tommy isn't a good guy. there is an active racism problem in this fandom. there is a misogyny problem in this fandom. but by and large buddie shippers have been in the game longer and have much larger followings and there is nasty shit i'm seeing which brings me to

5. social media discourse 2 electric boogaloo: twitter edition

twitter is a cesspool in the best of times but i have seen some shit in the past two weeks that makes me never want to write fanfiction for this fandom or even interact with most of the fans ever again. and i'm serious

there is a big buddie fanfic writer who is like. beloved. if you read buddie fanfiction you've read their work for sure. they started writing bucktommy and buddietommy fics around april. and people are being so nasty about them on twitter it is actually fucking embarrassing.

AND LIKE. god. fandom etiquette is so simple.

when i first started reading buddie fanfic the first thing i noticed was how many fics are locked. and i was like "i wonder why that is"

just look at these tweets. i have kept the author's handle here uncensored but please be normal do not bother this person. i'm sure their ao3 comments are hell enough already

what the fuck is your people's problem i'm serious

i'm like actually appalled. this is embarrassing. this isn't even the most embarrassing thing i've seen buddie stans do recently and it is NOT uncommon. it is not small accounts. you guys are the majority. these tweets have hundreds of likes.

i don't give a shit what this person was writing. i actually don't care. their fics are locked. they write for free.

to take someone's fic outside ao3 is considered bad fandom etiquette. to talk about an author where they don't have an account is generally considered bad fandom etiquette. to complain about fanfiction openly is bad fandom etiquette. i don't care if this is y'all's first fandom. in what world are you going to take to twitter and openly complain about someone writing fanfiction for a ship you don't like.

if i were them i would delete all of the buddie fics or never write buddie again i'm so serious. this is so ridiculous.

and this is sort of the nail in the coffin for me, seeing this tweet the other day:

this tweet has over a thousand likes

this is a larger fandom issue as of recent with the use of like. mental health terms as insults but it actually fucking disgusts me!

i looked at mark's twitter. it's pretty clear to me that he's a troll/having fun/provoking people on purpose but on TOP of that his tweets get at most 35 likes. i checked and this tweet got 21 likes. and over a thousand likes calling him schizophrenic. 24 replies doubling down. 25 retweets. 47 quote tweets. 62 bookmarks. over a thousand likes.

and buddie shippers are the good guys

it is ridiculous to me that as a fandom buddie shippers have created a space where it is impossible to have a meaningful discussion about fandom misogyny, racism, of homophobia because everyone who disagrees with you is morally opposed to you, and yet it is this side of the fandom with enough traction and support to openly bully and mock these people that you have decided are morally reprehensible.

6. in conclusion i'm sorry i know no one read this

fandom in general post-covid has become less of a community based in sharing creativity and the love of something (and i know this intimately as a kpop stan lol). online spaces in general have become something i don't recognize or want to participate in. which sucks. i've been here for a long time.

i know there's not really any way for that group of like 5 or so tiktokers that complain about tommy ad nauseam to see this or even take it seriously. i know there's not any way for those people on twitter to magically understand fandom etiquette or just block the people they don't want to see.

everyone would be happier if they just. blocked and moved on. i know i would. and i have! in a lot of cases. there's a reason i blocked out the names on those tweets (note: i blocked mark's twitter handle. the person who screenshotted it so he wouldn't be notified and then called them schizophrenic did not. because they do not care) because it's not about THEM it's about the whole fucking thing.

and a lot of these people want to be mad. it's why they're so hung up on tommy. like i'm sorry if any bucktommy fan is still reading this but GOD TOMMY HAS BEEN ON SCREEN FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES TOTAL IN THE ENTIRE SHOW. HE DOESN'T EVEN MATTER. JUST ADMIT THIS IS ABOUT A SHIP WAR. IT ISN'T ABOUT HOW GOOD OF A PERSON YOU ARE OR ANYONE IS. IT'S JUST A SHIP WAR. and they want to be miserable. they want to sit in their little echochamber of morally upright big name fans and they want to provoke bucktommy fans into saying something shitty and they love it because they don't really fucking care about the show.

you know how i know? because tommy is the least important part of chimney begins. that is in the best 3 episodes of this entire television show and none of y'all have anything to say about it. because you're just as obsessed with tommy as they are.

[saerotonins]

tied red strings of fate

ft. gojo satoru x gn!reader

request: omg .. tadhana by udd + satoru please ? 

content warnings: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, jjk manga spoilers [ch 236], canon divergent, implied that reader knows about curses but is not a sorcerer, lowkey a character analysis but yeah, happy ending

wc: 1283

note: when i saw this request i was so happy because tadhana* is literally one of my fave opm classics! also, im sorry nonnie if this was long overdue, figured i'd give him some fluff at his death "anniversary" heh (albeit a little late). i miss our glorious king sm :(( happy holidays 🎀

song: tadhana-up dharma down

*tadhana=destiny

gojo satoru is a force to be reckoned with. his name rings a bell and brings shivers to the spine of any potential enemies he has. 

he's gojo satoru, the strongest of all, the holy grail of jujutsu sorcery. he's gojo satoru, whose power literally repels and divides everyone else and him.

but to you, he's a lover, a man of his own, an independent being who is capable of emotions. he's satoru. the love of your life.

so when he decided to call it quits, to say you were devastated is an understatement. you were left broken, calling out his name at night hoping he would appear in front of you just one, for closure. him closing the chapter of your book got you weeping and yearning for more of him. 

because even though he's your lover, even you have a hard time of catching a glimpse of who he really is. satoru is an open book, but he's hard to understand. you did all your best to ease him and make him open up, show more of himself to you, bare his truth, the good, the bad, and the ugly, all of them you're willing to accept.

alas, the universe has other plans, the challenge ended even before it began, he is most definitely an enigma, someone that you will probably never get to solve. satoru's backed turned against you was a sight you are never going to forget. you spent months moving on and try to live a life where he isn't yours. it's hard but you try to manage anyway.

so when a knock on your door was heard by the 31st of december, you didn't expect gojo satoru in his full glory standing before you. as shocked as you are, you see his eyes had sunken. he's beyond exhausted but when he sees you, his eyes lighten up and you feel the warmth of his arms and your feet off the floor. you miss this, you miss him, it was all so familiar and something you very much miss. every fiber of your being remembered the way he touched you, triggered by the way his hands gripped onto your waist for dear life. as confused as you are, you reciprocated his gesture, opting to rest your hand on his shoulder blades.

"satoru?" you managed to voice our before you feel him put you down but his embrace remain. he then rests his head on the crook of your neck, then you hear him sniffle. suddenly you feel something drop onto your skin. his tears slowly roll from his face to your neck and shoulders.

satoru's lips wobbles as he tries to contain himself but to know avail, he lets his cries out, deciding to bare himself to you and be vulnerable. he was so so so tired of fighting. as great as the title 'the strongest' sounds, it gets too lonely even for him. being on the top is lonely. and he knows it himself.

he'd rather fall from grace than live a life where he isn't yours. he was too late to realize it. he was so stupid, too cocky, too condescending that it took him facing death before realizing that he wants to live, just for you. so when he finally defeats the evils of the jujutsu world, his first thought is you. the only one who provided light in his dark and desolate world.

as charming and bright satoru is, he is often left in the shadows in the cave but when he came to know you, he was absolutely in love and smitten. you were like a fresh breath of air to him. but when he decides that creeping into your mundane and simple life would rather be selfish of him. someone cursed like him shouldn't be able to be with someone who is blessed and down to earth like you. 

but being selfish be damned, he had faced battles, including one that almost left him biting the dust. he wants you, he needs you in his life and letting you go was definitely a mistake, something that he will never do ever again.

when his cries had calmed down, you finally get his voice again after a long time. "i'm so sorry," satoru started. "i was an idiot, i love you so much and i never stopped loving you. i was so stupid to let you go, i have never loved someone as much as i did with you." satoru knows his worth is probably lesser than any other being the moment he let you go, the only pillar who provided stability and balance in his life. he was impulsive, too proud, and too strong. but the way you held him every time you caged him into your arms is like he was fragile, someone to be protected, someone to cherish.

satoru loved that. and he was stupid to think that was worth letting go.

knowing you has made him scared of death, an entity or event that could break the two of you apart and live in separate worlds, and he couldn't bare to face it. he loves you too much to let himself go and so he fought with you in mind and thank any deity that exists, he finally won.

gojo satoru is the strongest.

so seeing him crumble right before your very eyes as his knees meet the concrete is a shock. he had bowed before you first before he had bowed to any higher up. hell, satoru bowing before anyone else would come as a shock. he held onto your ankle for support, his voice begging to take him back as he spews even more apologies that he can manage.

"please, please, i'm so sorry darling, i'll do what it takes for you to take me back. i love you so much, no other human had made me feel this way, please i'm so sorry. i miss you so much, god, i can't even remember a life before you, please." satoru had begged, begged, and begged, his voice getting louder and louder and each increased volume of his voice his hurt is more evident.

with the way his voice cracked broke your heart, and that's when you knew he meant every single letter, every syllable, every drop of tear, and every breath of his apology. 

you had completely broken the strongest. but satoru doesn't mind. even if you break him a thousand times, he'd painstakingly pick up every single piece of himself to present it to you. and that's what he's doing right now.

"i forgive you 'toru," he barely hears you say through his wails and it slowly comes to a halt. he then lost the feel of your ankles as he sees you kneel yourself to his level. your hands reached to touch his face and there you see his eyes, glassed with tears, love, and regret. satoru feels the heat of your hands on his cheeks and his instincts leaned into it. "i was hurt, but i'm never mad, i just wished you'd tell me why," his heart broke when he heard your voice crack.

"but you're hear now, right? we can fix this, we can fix us." you say as you carefully wipe the tears on his face. satoru nodded as he holds your wrists and caress his thumb on it. "yeah, we'll fix us."

"together?"

"together," satoru said in confidence. 

and with a light heart, satoru leans in to catch your lips on his, sealing his silent promise to never hurt you ever again, or he will never get to forgive himself.

he's gojo satoru.

he'll always find a way back into your arms.

another note: i'm quite unsure with the ending but this is all that i got 😔 i hope this was on par with your expectations nonnie hehe 🫶🏻

[dindjarindiaries]

Senator's Shadow - Chapter 3

summary: Things get interesting when Hunter is assigned to escort the senator during the welcome banquet on Eirus.

pairing: hunter (the bad batch) x fem!reader

rating: mature (18+)

tags: bodyguard romance, forbidden love, fluff & angst, emotional & physical hurt/comfort, canon-typical violence, injuries & blood, trauma, eventual/mild smut

word count: 7.610k

chapter 2 ⟸ series masterlist ⟹ chapter 4

chapter 3 ⟹

Hunter was ready for what awaited him when the double doors opened up. Rather than retreating to their rooms, his squad was standing there to greet him, their helmets removed as every single one of them wore a smug grin. Hunter heaved a sigh and gestured with his head to the suite behind him.

“We’re taking shifts on watch.” He looked around the group with severity. “With potential assassination attempts in order, it’s vital that we do so while the senator rests.”

“I bet you’ll want the first shift,” Crosshair teased, tucking a toothpick between his smiling teeth, “won't you, Sarge?”

Hunter raised an eyebrow, unimpressed, even as the other boys snickered. “We’re going according to our usual schedule, which means that Tech has first watch.”

“That is acceptable,” Tech was quick to respond. “I was already planning on staying awake to run an analysis on the senator’s diagram of Eirus as soon as possible.”

Echo gave him an incredulous look. “How did you get that data already?”

Tech blinked at him. “I scanned it while she had it on display. How else would I have gotten it?”

Echo raised his hand defensively. Hunter resisted a sigh and went on. “That’s fine, Tech, but make sure you can still keep an eye out. This is different from keeping watch in hyperspace.” He gestured to their surroundings. “There are some real, dangerous threats after the senator. We need to stay vigilant.”

Crosshair huffed and lowered his voice towards Wrecker, but kept it loud enough for Hunter to hear. “Protective.”

Hunter’s head snapped towards him. “Yeah, and I expect that from the rest of you, too.” He recalled the desperation in your eyes during your private conversation, causing his chest to tighten underneath his armor as he went on. “The senator chose us for this mission because she trusts us. Her fate, and that of this planet, rests with us just as much as it does with her.”

That seemed to straighten the shoulders of the squad. Even Tech finally got his nose out of his datapad as he looked upon Hunter. A small smile of satisfaction took over his lips.

“That being said, we all need rest. Tech, keep an eye on the chrono so you can get your rest in, too.” Hunter’s gaze found Wrecker before he nodded in his direction. “You too, Wrecker.”

Tech nodded while Wrecker offered a salute. “You’ve got it, Sarge!”

Hunter smiled at him and stepped away from the group, his silent signal for them to disband. Each member of the squad, aside from Tech, headed for their rooms—though Hunter still felt a presence behind him as he approached his own door. He turned and saw Echo trailing him, a concerned knit wrinkled in his brow.

“Hunter,” Echo began in a low tone. He tossed a quick look over his shoulder to make sure that no one was watching them. “Is there actually something going on between you and the senator?”

Hunter fought off the initial rush of panic and managed a genuine chuckle. “No, Echo. That’s all in the squad’s heads.”

Echo’s brow shot up. “Are you sure about that?”

Hunter turned to fully face Echo. “Come on, I barely know her.” He gestured with his eyes to the squad’s doors. “The jokes are getting you all carried away.”

Echo raised the corner of his mouth in a smile and nodded. “That’s fair.” He steadied himself with a breath. “All right. Sorry for that. I just…” he chuckled to himself, “you know how I feel about the rules.”

“I do.” Hunter clasped his hand on Echo’s armored shoulder. “Even if we still break them.” He nodded. “We’ve worked with politicians before, Echo. This time won’t be any different.”

Echo returned his nod. Hunter was pleased to see the light of concern fading from his eyes. He had to give it to Echo; the ARC trooper was never afraid to keep him and the others in line.

“Now get some rest.” Hunter jerked his head towards Echo’s room. “I have a feeling we’ve got a big day ahead of us.”

Echo huffed. “I agree.” He then obeyed Hunter’s gentle order, turning away from him to head towards his room. Hunter watched him for a moment before he turned back to his door and opened it.

Inside was quite a generous setup, certainly larger than any room Hunter had ever called his own. With a large bed, refresher, and plenty of storage space for his gear, Hunter had no reason to protest the senator’s kind arrangements for him and his squad. But the silence in the absence of his squad was about to do him more harm than good, especially with Echo’s worries floating around in his head.

Had he lied to Echo about you?

Hunter set down his helmet and ran his forefinger and thumb along the bridge of his nose. It had only been a matter of hours since he met the senator, and he was still low on sleep, despite the rest he had tried to get on the Marauder. Of course seeing someone like you would cause him to be so confused about his own feelings, especially when you were so desperate for his help.

But there was another truth to face, because Hunter observed faces and gazes as well as he did electromagnetic frequencies. That wasn’t the only desperation you had shown. Leadership roles were extremely isolating, and that was something Hunter himself was still coming to terms with. To see someone else struggling with it, and to find some kind of genuine understanding…

Well, it was nice. No matter what it meant, or where it would lead to.

That wasn’t Hunter’s concern. He was already thinking ahead to the welcome banquet tomorrow, which would be a prime opportunity for potential assassins or attackers to strike. It reignited his worry for you during the night, though he could at least trust his squad enough to take care of any threats that might arise while you slept.

Hunter stripped himself of his armor and kept it safely tucked away with his gear, though he kept his blaster and his knife in close reach. He did the same with a comlink, all of which stayed on his bedside table. He considered the temperature of the room before taking off the top half of his blacks as well. Hunter then settled into the bed, willing himself to have a less fitful sleep than before.

Thankfully, his wish was granted. Hunter was actually well-rested when it was his turn to take over the watch, the comlink’s chiming waking him from his deep slumber. He was quick in freshening up and re-dressing himself in his gear and attributed it to his desire for Crosshair to get his necessary rest.

As soon as Hunter stepped out into the corridor, Crosshair was ready to greet him outside your doors. “Morning, Sarge,” he greeted in his usual cool tone, though there was also an evident inflection of amusement. “You look excited for a person who’s about to stand outside some doors for a while.”

Hunter gave his helmeted head a tilt and resisted the urge to sigh. “Get some rest while you still can, Crosshair.”

Crosshair snickered even as he obeyed Hunter’s order. Hunter watched him as he entered his room, and after releasing a heavy breath, he tuned his enhanced senses into all of his surroundings. The first hour or so wouldn’t be so exhausting, but it would take a toll if he had to go on much longer than that.

And he would, because he knew what was at stake. Sleep was your most vulnerable state, and he was the one in charge of making sure no one would take advantage of that.

Hunter tried to keep his mind quiet focused, but the task proved difficult, especially as it wandered to the day’s events. He wasn’t sure what you would have in mind for the welcome banquet, but he was already beginning to put his own pieces in place. They would have to have eyes everywhere, and he would have to get Tech to look up more on Lii Alvani and his former allies so they could recognize any one of them if they tried to work their way inside.

It wasn’t unusual for Hunter to plan ahead like this. As the squad’s leader, it’s what he often had to do. What was different this time was the fierce panic that came with the idea of his plan not working. He would have to leave the calculation of their odds to Tech, if only for his sake.

With his focus diverged in two important directions, Hunter lost track of time until he heard the doors open behind him. He nearly jumped at the sound that roared against his eardrums, thanks to him still being so attuned to his senses. Hunter blinked a few times behind his visor to re-center himself as you stepped through the doors.

You were in a simpler dress than yesterday, no doubt favoring something more comfortable before the formality of the day would begin. It was a simple green, this time with gold embellishments rather than silver. It still framed you in a way that brought a flush to Hunter’s face beneath his helmet before he could stop it, especially as he caught your gaze that glowed at him.

“Good morning, Sergeant,” you greeted, bowing your head at him.

“Senator.” Hunter returned the gesture and tightened one of his fists at his side.

“I hope you haven’t been out here too long.” Your brow furrowed in genuine concern before you gave him a once-over.

“Not at all.” Hunter didn’t bother checking the chrono to see how long it had actually been. “I’m the last rotation in our watch shifts.”

You smiled again at that. “Good.” You held his gaze through his visor for a few distinct heartbeats before exhaling a soft breath. “There’s a lot to attend to today, so I hope you were all able to get some proper rest.”

The corners of Hunter’s mouth began to rise at that. “We were. In fact…” He paused, raising two of his fingers to the side of his helmet and activating the squad’s main comm. “Rise and shine, boys. The senator’s ready to get the day started.”

Almost immediately, the door to Tech’s room slid open, and he walked through with his nose practically buried in his datapad. There was still a slight limp as he made his way over, but Hunter was pleased to see that it had improved even more from the day before. Tech only looked up when he was closer to you and Hunter.

“Good morning, Senator,” he greeted with a nod. “I’m glad to see you are awake and ready. I have been going over the schematics you created, and there are quite a few interesting threads I have pulled together.”

Hunter caught the impressed light in your gaze as you returned Tech’s nod, but he still rolled his eyes at Tech underneath his visor. “Maybe we should let the senator enjoy her morning before we start bombarding her with plans and data, Tech.”

“That’s quite all right, Sergeant.” You lifted your hand to Hunter’s armored shoulder, an eyebrow raised and a small smile pulling at your lips. “I’m just as eager to get down to business.” Your gaze lingered on his visor before you dropped your hand and returned your attention to Tech.

Hunter tilted his helmet, unable to stop looking at you. There had been another light in your eyes he couldn’t quite interpret, and as someone who had mastered the art of studying others, he was itching to identify it.

The sounds of other doors opening brought Hunter out of his brief yet focused reverie. Echo and Wrecker were the next ones to emerge, with Wrecker entering the scene as enthusiastically as ever. “That was the best sleep I’ve ever gotten!” He nodded at the senator with genuine gratitude. “Thank you for the nice rooms, Senator.”

You beamed at Wrecker as you returned the gesture. “I’m very glad to hear that, Wrecker. It’s truly my pleasure.”

Crosshair was the last to join the group, and as he made his way over, Hunter spoke up on behalf of everyone. “Well, Senator, it looks like we’re all ready to report for duty.” He raised his helmet in your direction. “What’s our first order?”

You smiled at him before looking around the group. “Every good soldier needs some nourishment before really starting the day, right?”

Wrecker let out a victorious chuckle and shouldered Echo, who tripped a step at the sudden movement. “I like the sound of that!”

You softly laughed, the sound a beautiful melody to Hunter’s sensitive ears, and began to lead the way ahead. “Then let’s feast.”

Wrecker’s eyes doubled in size. “Feast?”

“Save some for the rest of us, Wrecker,” Crosshair joked as he fell in step alongside his brother.

“There will be plenty for everyone,” you assured them, your voice as warm as the smile you continued to wear.

Hunter couldn’t stop the smile of his own that was growing underneath his helmet. You were treating his squad like they were the high-class diplomats, certainly much better than anyone else had—even those who had created them. There had to be a way to repay you for such kindness.

Succeeding in the mission would no doubt be the most efficient way of doing so. That only made Hunter dwell more on the plans he had been crafting in his mind for hours.

After enjoying the heartiest meal any one of them had no doubt ever had, the group reconvened back at the senator’s suite, where your personal guard waited outside your doors. The squad was gathered around your holotable much like the night before as you brought up new projections, this time the faces of various diplomats and fighters. Each of the squad’s helmets was tucked underneath their arms as they viewed the holoprojections up close.

“These are the main faces we need to be on the lookout for,” the senator instructed them all. “This goes beyond tonight’s banquet. These individuals have long since become leaders of these attacks and are no doubt conspiring directly with Alvani.”

Hunter studied them faithfully, committing each of their images to memory. He silently thanked Tech for making his own copies of the data to reinforce his initial observations.

“Unfortunately…” you let out a defeated breath that created an empathetic ache in Hunter’s chest, “many of them are people who once fought alongside me.”

“How’s that possible?” Hunter couldn’t keep the question to himself.

“They see the Republic as another version of the same evil we defeated.” Your shoulders tensed as you carried on. “They don’t understand that it’s the Separatists who plan on bringing such oppression back to Eirus.”

“Yeah, that seems to be their favorite kind of deception,” Echo muttered.

Hunter raised his brow at you. “They really believe that when you’re the one who’s representing them?”

You gave your head an aimless shake. “Apparently, they do.” Your gaze met Hunter’s and it wasn’t hard to decipher all the darkness hidden within it. He wondered how long you had been holding it all in. “They were the same ones who elected me as senator and sent me away to Coruscant, but… the distance must’ve been enough for them to forget what I once fought for.”

You paused for a moment and shrugged. The gesture did nothing to erase the pain that Hunter had already seen within you.

“Or maybe I made a mistake agreeing to my appointment in the first place.”

“It’s not your fault.” Hunter’s reassurance was out before he could hold it in, as was the hand he lifted to your shoulder. The burning gaze of his squad, however, urged him to lower his hand a few heartbeats later. “The reason why this war’s still going on is because of how good the Separatists are at winning people over.”

“And because of their impressive droid army,” Tech chimed in. “Which only seems to be growing even more advanced as the war goes on.”

Hunter turned his head towards Tech and circled his jaw. “Thanks for that, Tech.”

“We can take ‘em, Senator,” Wrecker offered you his own comfort. “Don’t even worry about it.”

Hunter’s senses picked up on the deep breath you had finally taken, with an exhale that was much lighter than before. “I appreciate it, Wrecker, but it’s more challenging than that.” You gave the squad a serious look. “I don’t want any of them hurt.”

Crosshair took his toothpick between his fingers. “What’s your definition of ‘hurt?’”

“No critical injuries, which means no live rounds.” You gave Hunter a quick look. “I’m sure your sergeant already told you about that.”

“Oh, yeah, you did, Sarge.” Wrecker took his blaster and toggled something on it. “Stun only. Right?”

“Right.” You nodded towards the holographic images. “Not only would injuries sway people away from our cause, but I also still care for them.”

“Even when they’re trying to kill you?” Crosshair clearly couldn’t help himself from asking.

You remained firm as you responded. “Even then.”

Silence sat amongst the group for a long moment. Hunter watched you switch the projection over to a single large room before you continued.

“As for tonight’s banquet, this is the ballroom where it’s taking place.” You pointed at the red circles decorated along the edges of the hologram. “These are all the exit points. People can come in and get out through these doors and windows.”

Hunter fit the diagram within the plans he had already started crafting. “How’s your faith in the security detail?”

You huffed. “Not great.” You flashed him a smile. “That’s why I’m bringing your squad along.”

Hunter let out a low chuckle. At least you were finding some humor in all of this.

“Here’s what I need from all of you.” You pointed at one of the red dots. “Wrecker, I need you to stand post at this entrance. The more we can deter right away, the better.”

Wrecker nodded, an eager light dancing in his gaze as he did so.

“Tech, I need you to monitor the comms. I have no doubt that you can tap into their channel if they’re actively using it.”

“That would be a well-founded conclusion,” Tech agreed.

“Echo, I need you to guard the power room.” You pointed along the outside of one of the rooms. “It was an old tactic of ours to go for the lights and other power fixtures, and I need someone posted there to make sure they don’t resort to that tonight.”

Echo nodded dutifully. “You’ve got it, Senator.”

“Crosshair, I need you to keep watch. You’ll be the first to notice if any one of these faces steps anywhere near the capitol or the ballroom.”

Crosshair put his toothpick back between his teeth and offered a two-fingered salute.

“And Sergeant Hunter.” You turned towards Hunter as you addressed him by name for only the second time. The heartbeat that roared in his ears was solely his own, though he kept himself as composed as ever on the outside. “I need your senses to catch any direct threats in the ballroom.”

Hunter began to reach the conclusion on his own. “So, my position will be…” With the eyes of his squad watching, he couldn’t finish the sentence.

“With me.” You nodded to confirm his unspoken thoughts. “I need at least one of you to escort me to continue the illusion of you serving as my protection, and your senses will no doubt allow you to pick up on anything abnormal that’s happening around us.”

“Convenient,” Crosshair snickered.

Hunter ignored him and nodded at you. “Then I’ll be there.”

Your gaze brightened at him. “Great.” Your eyes lingered on him even as you turned to face the rest of the squad once again. “I have some diplomatic business to attend to for the rest of the day leading up to the banquet, so I’ll leave it to all of you to plan the finer details while my guard escorts me there.”

Hunter’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure you can trust them?”

You tilted your head at him. “For now, yes. I have to give them at least some sort of power to keep them from catching on.”

Hunter exhaled, even if he wasn’t convinced. “Fair enough.”

“I think the senator can handle herself even if things do go sideways,” Echo added.

“Exactly, Echo.” You gave Hunter another one of those quick once-overs that set him and his armor on fire. “Though I do appreciate the concern.”

“That’s good, ‘cause you’ll get a lot of it from him. Hah!” Wrecker walked over to knock his shoulder against Hunter’s. He tried to fight the flush that attempted to overwhelm his face without the refuge of his helmet to hide it.

Tech pushed his goggles further up his nose. “That is certainly one of his specialties.” He pointed at Hunter with a small, knowing smile.

Hunter narrowed his eyes and gently swatted Wrecker’s hand, which had wrapped around his shoulders, away from him. “Glad you’ve all noticed.”

“Well, you are a sergeant. It is only sensible that you have a heightened sense of protection.” Tech paused and let out an amused huff. “Huh. ‘Heightened sense.’ That was not intentional.”

Hunter raised an eyebrow and didn’t bother coating his sarcasm. “Nice one.”

You laughed alongside Hunter, and all his frustration towards his teasing squad melted away as he looked over at you. “As much as I’d love to stay to hear the rest, I’m about to be long overdue for my first meeting.”

Your gaze scanned the squad but, in a way that was becoming quite natural, caught Hunter especially. 

“I have an activated comm on my person so that you can keep track of where I am. I’ll use it in case of an emergency, but I’m not expecting anything to happen now when they have a better opportunity to strike later.”

Hunter tightened his jaw and looked away from the senator. That was a thought he didn’t want to dwell on. He loved seeing action as much as the next person in his squad, but not in this way. Not with the threat of an assassination attempt on someone who was already putting their neck out for the sake of their people. As a leader himself, albeit to a much smaller group, it made him sick to think about.

You didn’t deserve any of this, and Hunter would do whatever he could to help you make it right.

“We’ll reconvene here just before the banquet’s due to begin.” The senator’s voice earned Hunter’s attention again. “Until then… I suppose you have a chance to explore.” You waved a hand towards the door. “I’ll lead the way out.”

You deactivated the holotable and started to head towards the doors. Hunter slid his helmet over his head as he followed you, and the rest of the squad fell in step behind him. He managed to make it to your side as he spoke to you in a low voice. “We won’t be going far, Senator. Don’t be afraid to comm if something feels off.”

You gave him a warm glance, your gaze glimmering as you did so. “There’s that sense of protection your squad was speaking about.” The quiet words were filled with nothing but a sweetness that Hunter was quickly getting addicted to. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, Sergeant, but… I can’t begin to tell you how much your reassurance means to me.” You gave him a subtle nod. “Thank you.”

Hunter returned the gesture. “No need.”

You looked as if you wanted to say more, but you were already at the doors. Hunter watched you transform into your diplomatic image as the doors opened and led you out to where your guards were keeping watch in the corridor. Hunter kept himself and the squad back as you continued on, silently encouraging your guards to follow you. He didn’t miss the pointed look the captain gave him as he walked ahead.

Hunter spoke up before anyone else could. “We’re doing a perimeter sweep, getting a lay of the land.” He spun around to face his squad and nodded. “We have to know what’s out there so we can combat it later.”

Wrecker groaned and threw his hands in the air. “Why can’t it be tonight already so we can see some real action?”

Crosshair snorted in agreement and crossed his arms. “I’m starting to miss the clankers.”

“I’m sorry, boys. I know it’s hard not to be as active as usual.” Hunter allowed himself to agree with them. “But this mission’s important. Like I said last night, the fate of this entire planet is resting on our shoulders.”

“And the fate of the senator.” Tech lifted a finger as he added the thought Hunter wasn’t brave enough to say aloud.

Hunter began to turn back around, but he still managed to respond. “Right.” He gestured with his helmet to the corridor. “Let’s get going. There’s lots out there for us to see.”

The rest of the day, aside from another period of refreshment given at the senator’s request, was spent exploring both the exterior and the interior of the capitol. Tech had scanned as much as he could to make his own diagram, and Crosshair had kept his gaze high to scope out potential sniper spots—for both himself and others. Hunter’s senses were working overtime yet again to make himself more familiar with it all, though he forced himself to stop when he came too close to the edges of an overstimulation migraine.

The squad waited along with your guard outside your doors that evening, ready to escort you to the banquet. Hunter was buzzing with the same kind of adrenaline he always had on high-stakes missions, but he was hit with a whole new wave of it when the doors opened.

You had traded your gown from before with something much more formal. Its colors were the exact opposites of the other’s, trading the gold for green and vice versa. This gown was much more fitting to your form, though there was a slit in each of your legs to allow you more freedom to move around.

It was—no, you were—beautiful in every sense of the word. And there was just no getting around that fact, not even for a Republic clone sergeant.

The senator faced Hunter and his squad with the mask of diplomacy still engaged, thanks to the presence of your guard. Still, there was a light within your eyes that Hunter enjoyed seeing, especially as it shined at his visor. “Thank you again, Clone Force 99, for reinforcing my guard tonight.” You gestured to your guards as they stood on your other side. “It’s appreciated more than you know.”

Hunter bowed his head. “Just doing our duty, Senator.”

You raised your brow and the corners of your mouth at him. “This is above and beyond your usual ‘duty,’ Sergeant, especially your willingness to help the captain escort me.”

“She didn’t have to ask him twice,” Echo muttered to one of the boys from behind Hunter. He rolled his eyes underneath his visor at their snickering.

“It’s no problem, Senator.” Hunter nodded to affirm his words. “Really.” He gave his helmet a fond tilt. “Gives me a bit of a change in scenery.”

You chuckled and gave your head a shake, but Hunter caught the shyness you attempted to hide. “Well, don’t thank me yet, Sergeant. Politics are a whole different type of battlefield.” You broke your gaze with Hunter to glance over at the captain. “We ought to get going, Captain. Would you lead the way? Clone Force 99 will bring up the rear.”

The captain nodded, directing his men as they began to walk down the corridor. The squad fell in place behind you, as the group made its way to the ballroom, each member began to split off. Crosshair was the first, and then Echo as he snuck away to the power room. Tech found a quiet yet nearby place to monitor both the comms and the cams, leaving just Hunter and Wrecker as the group came upon the ballroom.

As the captain turned to face the senator, his brow knit together in confusion at the lack of soldiers behind you. “Sergeant, where are all your men?”

Hunter no doubt had a smile in his voice as he responded. “Covering all our bases. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you, Captain.”

The captain looked as if he were about to speak, but paused when he caught your gaze. Hunter nodded at Wrecker to dismiss him. He walked off to stand alongside the entrance you had assigned him to earlier that morning.

Your eyes found Hunter’s visor, and he offered you the reassuring nod you needed. “We’re ready when you are, Senator.”

You returned the gesture. “Thank you, Sergeant.” You turned to the captain. “Captain?”

The captain took his place at the front and led the small group through the main entrance. Hunter was quick to observe the ballroom and everyone within it. It had already been packed full of various diplomats and other high-ranking citizens of Eirus. He recognized many of the diplomats from the group that had greeted you during your arrival onworld, particularly the Rodian Prime Minister who had Hunter’s anger spiking just at the sight of him. The room was decorated in the same shades of green, purple, silver, and gold that you often wore, but your golden figure was the one at the center of his vision as you continued your stride inside.

The group hadn’t made it more than a few steps inside when Hunter caught your head turning towards your shoulder, in his direction. Hunter took the cue and stepped closer to you, even though his sensitive eardrums still could have heard your hushed voice from his previous place. “Stay close, Sergeant.” Your words weren’t an order; they were a plea.

There was a tug on each of Hunter’s heartstrings as he stepped close enough to set his hand over your lower back. “I’m right here, Senator.” He lifted his visor to your surroundings as he surveyed the crowd. There was an array of piercing gazes looking your way, and Hunter couldn’t imagine how that made you feel. “I’m watching them. Don’t worry.”

You took a deep breath, a steady inhale and exhale that brushed across Hunter’s soundscape like a sweet caress. He lowered his hand from your back only when you were settled and followed you and your guard to wherever you were heading.

When Hunter realized who you were approaching first, he didn’t bother holding back his annoyed sigh, even if he did keep it to himself. The Prime Minister turned to look at the group with a hospitality so fake that even someone as politically unseasoned as Hunter could recognize the mask he was wearing.

“Senator! Ah, you’ve made it at last!” The Prime Minister reached for your hands and gave them a squeeze.

Hunter took a step closer to you with his hand hovered over his blaster before he could stop it. The movement caught the Rodian’s gaze as he huffed with both indignance and amusement.

“That one behind you is quite jumpy.”

You didn’t miss a beat as you responded. “He’s just doing his job, Prime Minister. Typically, you ask for permission with such a gesture.” Still, you let him off the hook much easier than Hunter would have. “But on account of how lovely you’ve made this gathering for me… I forgive you.”

The Prime Minister dropped your hands and opened his arms in a victorious type of gesture. “I’m very glad you noticed, Senator! I spent a lot of time putting this evening together.” He gave the room an admiring glance. “Only the best for our wonderful senator.”

Hunter narrowed his eyes. His hand was still positioned over his holster, and the hint of sarcasm in the Prime Minister’s voice didn’t motivate him to move it away.

“Did I miss something?” Hunter nearly jumped as the comm went off inside his helmet, alerting him to Crosshair’s cool tone. “Hunter looks ready to fight already.”

“From what I can tell, that is simply his reaction to the Prime Minister,” Tech answered. “Given how… unimpressive the Prime Minister is, I cannot blame Hunter for such a reaction.”

Oh, Hunter didn’t like this. Having to listen in on his brothers’ commentary without him being able to answer, at least not as freely as the rest of the squad could, was going to be a new type of torture. But remembering that frightened look in your eye that you tried to suppress as you pleaded for him to stay close made it more than bearable.

“Aw, man!” Wrecker grumbled. “I’m gonna miss all the interesting stuff, aren’t I?”

“You and me both, Wrecker,” Echo added. “Crosshair, Tech, we’re gonna need some good descriptions.”

Hunter tightened his jaw and lifted his fingers to his helmet. “What you’re gonna need is to focus. Cut the comm chatter. I can barely concentrate on my surroundings.”

He was satisfied when his order was met with silence. It allowed him to focus back on the senator and the other diplomats, who were taking turns exchanging fake pleasantries. Hunter focused less on the words they spoke and more on the other sounds around you. There were many heartbeats and heavy musks to sort through, but Hunter knew what he was looking for. Thankfully, he wasn’t finding it—at least, not yet.

The banquet was pretty uneventful, but Hunter was grateful for that. Tech chimed in from time to time to update the group on any comm activity, but it was usually the security detail that was already working to defend the politicians, diplomats, and other individuals inside the ballroom. Crosshair shared his temptation to shoot down one of the chandeliers just to make something exciting happen, and Echo agreed that it would at least short out something in the power room that he could fix.

You were thankfully unoccupied by company, halfheartedly sipping a libation, when Hunter heard one of the sounds he was listening for: a holster strap. Immediately, his visor scanned the room, each one of his senses reaching out as if they were physical hands pushing people aside to identify the source. It was much too close to be anyone on the other side of the room, but all the people in their immediate vicinity had their hands otherwise occupied.

Then, his gaze slid over to you. One restless movement from your dominant leg proved that it was, in fact, your holster strap he had heard. It had unfastened. If he didn’t alert you to the loosened strap soon, then it would very likely unveil your hidden weapons to the entire room.

The captain and his guard were at a comfortable distance when Hunter approached you. He rested his hand on your back to alert you to his presence before he leaned over to speak to you in a low voice. “Senator, you might want to check your holster.” His gaze flickered over to yours, watching as your eyes widened ever so slightly in silent alarm. “I heard the strap loosen.”

Rather than looking, you moved your leg, and Hunter yet again heard the sound just as you sensed the loose strap against your skin. “Thank the stars for your senses, Sergeant.” You managed a smile, but still let out a stressed exhale. “I have to fix it.”

Hunter gestured with his helmet to the nearest exit point. “I can escort you out.”

You shook your head. “That’ll be too suspicious.” Your gaze scanned the busy crowd. “I have to fix it here.”

Hunter furrowed his brow. “How? That’s not exactly a subtle adjustment to make.”

Your own brow knit together as you considered his words. Your eyes then rose to his visor, and they were filled with an amount of trust that left him breathless. “It has to be you.”

Hunter blinked a few times in surprise before he stammered out his response. “Me?”

You nodded, your voice dropping to a whisper as you went on. “If you stay against the wall and I stand in front of you, it could look like you’re briefing me on something.” Your eyes looked beyond him. “There’s a pretty private corner there.”

Hunter followed your gaze and let out a soft breath before he nodded. “Yeah, that’ll work.” He couldn’t begin to think of the implications of the action yet. All he could focus on was making sure your secret wasn’t revealed.

You turned to the captain and began to address him, causing Hunter’s hand to slip from your back. “Captain, the sergeant says he has an update for me from Clone Force 99. If you could watch our backs while I attend to it, that would be much appreciated.”

The captain bowed his head at you. “Of course, Senator.”

Hunter steadied himself as you turned back to him and followed him over to the corner. He stopped when his back was about to hit the wall and faced you. The proximity was dangerous, but he fought through the haze to follow his own order from before: focus.

Hunter’s hands started to reach out for the slit in your dress, but he was quick to stop himself as his visor found your gaze with ease. “May I?” He gestured to the long strip of exposed skin on your leg.

You smiled at him, and it was the first real one he had seen from you since you had entered the ballroom. “Please, Sergeant.” He caught the hard swallow you took with both his eyes and his ears. “You have full permission to touch me.”

Damn, your choice of words was making it even harder for him to focus the way he intended to. Hunter just nodded and continued, pretending the task was akin to helping Tech and Echo with the wiring on the Marauder. But the hull of the attack shuttle was nowhere near as soft and smooth as your skin, nor as rich as the silk he gently pushed aside to get to it.

It wasn’t your skin he needed to focus on. He found the hanging leather strap and identified the empty buckle that had come undone. Carefully, and while keeping his helmet level so as to not give his gaze away, he began to string the strap inside the buckle, his gloved fingertips brushing your skin.

The action brought an inhale to your lips that made Hunter pause, but more overwhelming was the sudden hammering of a heartbeat that, for once, wasn’t his own. His gaze secretly flickered up to you, just to find that your eyes were on his hands, as if he truly was holding something between the two of you. Even sweeter was the exhale that fell from your parted lips, because it wasn’t one of pain, worry, or anything Hunter was used to hearing as a result of his actions.

No, that was an unmistakable breath of pure pleasure. And he wanted to hear it again, and again, and again.

But this wasn’t the time nor the place, and this wasn’t a moment that was supposed to be happening, anyway. Hunter didn’t let himself get used to it. While he enjoyed the rush of whatever coursed through his body, he focused fully on fixing the holster, taking care not to pull it too tight even as he double checked its security.

Hunter’s words were spoken through a tight throat as he broke your silence. “How’s that?”

You nodded, another genuine smile overtaking your lips. “Perfect. Thank you, Sergeant.”

Hunter returned your nod before he fixed the skirt of your dress back in place, properly concealing your holster from view. His touch lingered before he could stop it. When he dragged his gaze back up to yours, he found that your eyes had been following his own the entire way. His senses should have been attuned to that entire room, but he was tunnel-visioned onto you and the glow of your gaze as you openly admired him.

That’s what it had to be, right? Surely, he wasn’t making that up, but it was the thing he was having trouble identifying. No one else had ever looked at him like that. No one else had ever raised a hand to press against his chestplate the way you were, now.

The moment vanished just as quickly as it arose. “Hunter, if you and the senator are done staring at each other, you’ve got a hostile inbound,” Crosshair warned.

Hunter instantly snapped back into action, and you took notice. He lifted his fingers to his helmet just as you took a step back. “Description?”

“Klatooinian. Making his way in from the east entrance.”

Hunter focused all his senses on that part of the room. Sure enough, he could hear the snarling breath of the Klatooinian, as well as the unmistakable movement of concealed weapons on his person.

“Give the order, and I’ll stun him now.”

Hunter tilted his helmet. “No. We can’t act before he does.”

Your brow furrowed in concern. “Who?”

Hunter remained gentle as he pressed a hand on your shoulder and eased you to the side, stepping in front of you. “We’re about to find out.” He gave you a quick glance. “Keep your hand near your holster, just in case.”

You nodded, allowing Hunter to focus fully on the approaching Klatooinian once again.

“Tech, do you have anything? Comms, cams?”

“It seems he is making use of neither,” Tech answered. “I’m not certain how he avoided the cams, unless he is somehow aware of where each one is placed. No unfamiliar comm channels are being used at the moment.”

“At least he’s alone.” Hunter’s fingers tapped along his blaster before he spoke again. “Echo and Wrecker? Anything?”

“I haven’t seen anyone suspicious,” Wrecker insisted. “Can I come in to help?”

“Negative. Stay at your post for now.”

“No action in the power room,” Echo informed him. “Guess they’re really just sending one tonight.”

Hunter didn’t like the conclusion he was reaching. “He’s their warning.”

He abandoned the blaster to reach for the hilt of the blade on his arm. Hunter waited, listening for the telltale groan of leather on the Klatooinian’s holster. As soon as he heard it, he acted.

One throw was all it took. His aim didn’t let him down as the quick toss of the blade disarmed the Klatooinian across the room, raising sharp gasps from the unexpecting politicians and diplomats. Even the senator let out a breath of surprise, your hand falling on his armored shoulder as you stepped out from behind him.

“Hold on, Senator,” Hunter warned you, using his arm to block you. “He might not be done yet.”

The Klatooinian huffed and attempted to make an escape. Hunter stayed with you and raised his fingers to his helmet.

“Now’s your chance, Wrecker! He’s getting away!”

“Oh yeah!” Wrecker came barreling into the room without hesitation, and it was only a matter of seconds until he had taken the Klatooinian to the ground. The blow alone was enough to knock the Klatooinian out cold, allow Wrecker to toss the man over his shoulder and carry him over to Hunter. “That was a lot easier than tackling a clanker, honestly.”

Hunter huffed at that. “Good work.” He then turned to you, his chest pulling tight at the concern in your eyes. “Are you okay, Senator?”

You nodded, portraying an image of strength as you straightened your shoulders. “Yes, thanks to you and your squad.”

Hunter grimaced underneath his helmet. “Don’t thank us yet.” He activated his comm yet again. “Tech, Crosshair, do a quick surveillance of what’s going on beyond the capitol walls.”

It was mere moments until Tech responded. “Wait. I’m just now picking up on a distress signal from one of the villages. They’ve been attacked.”

Hunter exhaled deeply. “That’s what I thought.” He prepared himself to give you the news, and the deflation of your shoulders already pained him before he did so. “Senator, there’s been an attack on another village.”

Your eyes widened, and as Hunter studied them, he saw you approaching the same conclusion as himself. “That’s why they only sent one person here.”

Hunter’s fists tightened at his sides. “It’s a warning. They can do both at once, and they want you to choose between your safety here and the safety of your people.”

You let your defeat show, if only for a moment. It was enough to make Hunter step closer to you and set a hand on your shoulder.

“You won’t have to make that choice, Senator.” He gestured with his helmet to Wrecker, who was still standing with the Klatooinian nearby. “Not as long as we’re here.”

The look you gave him said everything you couldn’t, especially with your guard quickly coming over and the guests scattering at the sudden chaos. Things were quickly getting even more complicated—for you and Hunter especially.

chapter 2 ⟸ series masterlist ⟹ chapter 4

hunter tag list: @zenrobbins0021 @cw80831 @yunggoblin @maddiedrmr 

senator’s shadow tag list: @violetlilly2020 @jellybeanstacey0519

[sacchiri]

I recently bought the jp volumes of Hellsing along with the guidebook, and since I'm reading the series in its native language for the first time I might as well share some random things that stood out to me in no particular order.

This isn't meant to be an analysis of translation differences, I'm too lazy for that. Also it's been 12 years since I've watched the anime and read the low quality fan scans of the manga so some of these comments are just "Lol, forgot this was a thing"

Volume 1

... I really want to know who this guy is at the beginning, yelling at Alucard in overly familiar language to "Get your shit together!" and "You're the only one we can count on!!". We know from the style of speech that it's a dude, probably just some Hellsing rando, and maybe it's not all that strange since he has probably been working with the same soldiers for years--but it's still funny.

"I know, it's just so nice out :("

..The way "HELLSING Organization" is spelled out like this reminds me that apparently the name is supposed to be an acronym. No really.

...

God they're so silly.

Now that I think about it, the only thing Seras has done this chapter since being turned into a vampire is say "I'm sorry" over and over.... girl you got shot in the lung, why are you apologizing

Not a huge difference, but what Integra actually says here is "Leaving a corpse here for 20 years... You're a terrible person too, Father" and not "What were you thinking, Father?" as the Dark Horse translation suggests (note the lack of question mark in the raw version). I thought that might be of interest to some.

Something else I thought was interesting is the first line Alucard ever says to Integra, and how uncharacteristically polite he sounds.

O-kega wa gozaimasenka- That's two honorific 御's back to back! (He even said them in kanji, even Walter isn’t that straightlaced and he’s literally the butler.) This is also the only time Alucard uses this overly flowery gentlemanly language with her, and good thing too because it would be so annoying if he spent the whole manga ending his sentences with ~gozaimasu.

What I'm trying to get at is, after seeing this sentence in the Japanese version, I'm like 100% sure he actually heard her when she was mumbling to herself about hoping to find a knight in shining armor, and he was totally going the extra mile in playing into that role for their first encounter. Which is kind of sweet.

Lol they misspelled Alucard on the top left... or rather, they incorrectly spelled it right?

One would normally expect Alucard to be written アルカード, and indeed pixiv dict lists アーカード as a misspelling (the u sound is weak in Japanese, so it's easy to mishear arukādo as ākādo). Hirano was definitely aware of the correct spelling though, since he used it in the pilot chapter and in his old character sheets. It was only when the manga officially began that he switched to the アーカード spelling. I doubt it was because of copyright issues because there is already a long precedent of vampire characters named アルカード in various old manga, OVA, and games in Japan that have coexisted without issue (like this guy Hirano mentions in volume 1's afterword).

Most likely Hirano simply thought it looked better, or was a means of differentiating his character from the others somehow. It certainly makes life easier for Japanese fans searching for fanart since アーカード is only going to bring up Hellsing and not the Castlevania character.

Jan Valentine even pokes fun at the spelling discrepancy later in volume 2, but since there wasn't a good way of expressing this in English it was left untranslated.

(Speaking of spelling inconsistencies, there's a lot of minor details I'm noticing now, like half the time the furigana for 吸血鬼 is written バンパイア and the other half it's ヴァンパイア... anyway)

Um, just noticed literally everyone's wearing glasses What should I do

Hirano's habit of jotting random comments underneath his panels is one of the underrated perks of reading the manga

The Dark Horse translation almost makes it sound like she's looking forward to seeing this battle play out, while in the Japanese she simply sounds apprehensive. Almost as if she's worried about them? And she's going out on the field personally to make sure nothing bad happens? Aww

Ok this is a weird tangent, but I just noticed the scans of the Dark Horse version I've been looking at use a slightly larger image range than the Japanese version does. It was only noticeable when I got to this part:

The second image is what the Japanese version of the scan looks like and I can confirm that this is what it looks like in my physical volume as well. You shouldn't be seeing the messy borders of the inking on the bottom like that.

Manga manuscripts are set up so that there are a few millimeters of bleed border around each page. You're supposed to color and line all the way up to (4) while keeping in mind that printing and paper cutting may result in the image being trimmed up to (3).

Either Hirano didn't color his lines all the way to (4) (this man has been drawing manga for years but this is Hirano we're talking about so it's very possible), or Dark Horse didn't honor the original bleed borders of the manuscript. I'm kind of leaning towards the former since there was a Hellsing exhibit in Japan a few years back where you could look at Hirano's original manuscripts and there's one where you can clearly see that he spilled a mug of tea or coffee across the entire page

Anyway, it's weird, and I'm curious to see if someone that owns a physical copy in English can confirm whether theirs actually looks like that. It's volume 1, page 141.

[kerubimcrepin]

The big analysis of Joris Jurgen's horrible-no-good childhood.

TW: discussions of child neglect, and what might constitute as emotional abuse.

Firstly, to address something, I hadn't in the last liveblog: There are plenty of times in the show where one can see Joris saying things that he may not entirely mean...

But it is especially interesting to see him say something like this immediately after breaking down into tears about it just a scene prior.

Hm. Anyway. I'm sure this won't affect their relationship going forward.

I've discussed Kerubim's issues of self-worth, loneliness, and dishonesty, before on this blog, — but you will never believe it, Kerubim isn't the only one who suffers because of his issues.

It's nigh time we discuss seven-year-old Joris, and the terrible, no good, case of emotional repression and lying.

Let's set the stage first.

Joris grew up in a deeply isolated and neglectful, and at times dangerous, environment, in every single way. And the child neglect Kerubim engaged in lessened, but did not stop after Simone arrived.

He did not have any family members besides Kerubim, — for obvious reasons, both of their family members are either dead, or want nothing to do with them, — and he did not have any friends, besides Tatak. The reason he did not have friends is unknown, but there are several factors that may have contributed to that:

The sorry state of their house might have complicated his relationship with other kids and given him and Kerubim a poor reputation among neighbours;

The part of the city they live in might simply not have a lot of families, due to being a — being, perhaps, mostly populated by adventurers and other people in violent professions, as well as the shops that cater to them (which are, in turn, mostly ran by retired adventurers).

And then there's the third thing: Kerubim is his best friend.

Joris did not have a support system in the form of an extended family, — or at the very least, in the form of friends outside the household, — and It doesn't seem like the other adults Kerubim knows were at all involved in Joris's childhood. Besides that, Joris was seemingly homeschooled, — and, considering Kerubim's finances, and his referencing at least one school's existence, there were other options.

For the large part of Joris's life, they only had one another, and it almost seems like Kerubim, with his abandonment issues, and low self-esteem, acted in ways that isolated Joris further.

Due to Ecaflip's mistreatment of him as a child, and his loneliness due to the death of his family when he was a child, — what he wanted the most as a father was to be a best friend to Joris.

(And, much more selfishly, not that he would admit that, — he wanted someone to replace Lou/Indie/Atcham/Bashi/Everyone else who has left him.)

He could remember being a child, and he knew how he would have liked to be treated, — as a peer, obviously. It's important for peers to respect each other equally, and listen to each other's pain, right?

Except, in a way, Kerubim is perpetuating a cycle here.

And children are not peers, best friends, or caretakers. They depend on their parents for their survival.

And Joris knows what will happen to him, if Kerubim is gone. Kerubim himself was an orphan, and has shared more than enough stories about that.

Because of this, thoughts of Kerubim passing away are a usual worry for Joris, no doubt fueled by Kerubim's dramatics, and love for his attention — and it means he'll do everything to make sure Kerubim is happy and healthy.

Even if it means sacrificing his own comfort for his sake. Even if it means putting up with being treated badly.

Joris and Kerubim have what is known as an "enmeshed", or "codependent", parent-child relationship, the characteristics of which are, according to online resources:

Parents expecting children to be their best friends and always confiding in them.

Children receiving praise for maintaining the family’s status quo, and conflict-avoidant behaviours.

The lack of emotional and physical boundaries.

Role reversal, in the form of the child being expected to take care of the parent's mental health. (Despite lacking the maturity to)

Children prioritizing parents needs and feelings over their own.

Childhood overindulgence, in the form of the parent using the child for wish fulfilment.

Another interesting titbit that informs his character, is that, from a very young age, children learn how to respond to their feelings and express them, based on the way adults behave, by mirroring those behaviours, — and Kerubim is anything but honest about his feelings, more often than not, putting on a brave smile.

Joris values his stories more than anything, despite knowing that, often, they may be fake, at least in some parts. To him, words matter more than the truth of the matter, when push comes to shove between them. But also, he doesn't like outright lies, which are just as plentiful between them.

Despite how he may usually act, Joris isn't really the happiest about how their family is. He knows that Kerubim is dishonest and neurotic, and, in a way, it causes dissonance in his mind. He loves him more than anything, and to trust him, — but he knows that to trust Kerubim is to be disappointed.

When something bad happens? It's a guarantee, that instead of being comforted, it will be his job to pretend to be comforted, so that Kerubim doesn't completely fall apart. So that he can still be taken care of, — and every child wants to be taken care of.

Yet another thing he can't really trust Kerubim with.

Just like Kerubim, he is growing up to be a good liar. And someone very much afraid of being abandoned.

But everyone has their limit, fear of abandonment or not. No matter how much you repress these feelings, they'll come bubbling to the surface eventually.

...An interesting tidbit about children raised in enmeshed relationships, is that, at times, as adults, they find it difficult to trust others, open up to people, or have close friends in general. Due to guilt of those people on the outside not being their family, and due to associating close relationships with pain, responsibility, and giving up a part of themselves.

They grow up to be aloof, flighty, and cold.

Another interesting tidbit is that, sometimes, they find themselves unable to leave at all.

[sarioh]

rio i miss and love you and your analysis posts. what are your thoughts on the clethubs dynamic this season (in anticipation of the new episode tmrw)

hi aleph thank you so much for giving me a green flag to just drop a 1000 word rant about clethubs also sorry i missed the deadline and also sorry about the length. anyways personally i think clethubs is what you get when you put 3 people who are burdened with Remembering in a world where no one else really seems to. like, of course the other players remember and make references to events of the past, but they don’t remember in the way these three do.

to me this is best explained through a breakdown of Trust and how it manifests between each of them indiviudally. etho, especially, is so distrusted by most of the server. he’s a schemer, he has a reputation of being really unreadable and also unpredictable, but if you actually try to understand him it’s really easy to see that he’s actually the most straightforward person alive. he operates purely on debts and repayments. not debts in a trade sense—those are a business transaction and subject to being logically dissected and exploited. but debts in an emotional sense. etho offered grian mercy in limited life because of the diamond sword in episode 1, which grian had forgotten about entirely all the while etho had been biding his time and waiting for a chance to repay it all season.

cleo is the only person on the server who seems to really understand this part of etho, and therefore is the only person who seems to be able to read his true intentions. not only that, but she's the only one who really seems to approach the concept of loyalty in the same way. in the life series, alliances are feeble and fleeting, and for the most past actions hold no bearing in the future. it doesn’t matter what happened 5 episodes ago—if you’re not on my side now, you’re against me. there’s no such thing for cleo—loyalty and betrayal are not just momentary states of being. if you took something dear from me 5 episodes ago, i will never fully allow myself to need you again. even if we're in the final five and our survival depends on each other.

cleo and etho were direct antagonists in the last season and have no reason to trust each other now, but they trust openly despite it because better than most they understand the burden of a debt unpaid, and the burden of remembering in a way that no one else seems to. to them, loyalty isn’t about who you arbitrarily align yourself with, it’s a gesture. it’s “you gave me an extra pair of diamond leggings 3 episodes ago for no reason when you could’ve given it to your allies and now you have no idea that youre in my good books forever.” you can be on opposites ends of a war from someone but if they extend you a moment of mercy, well, how are you supposed to forget that? how are you not supposed to spend the rest of your life repaying that? they both subconsciously keep lists, not just of people they want to kill (like so many other players seem to), but of people who have extended a hand to them in a time where it didn't really make sense to. of gestures that were silently meaningful towards people they care about. "i trust you because bdubs trusted you" etc etc.

it makes so much sense that cleo and etho would both go immediately to becoming sworn allies this season after being bitter enemies in the previous series. because they both understand that there’s no such thing as fleeting alliances, and when they've decided to choose each other, it’s more than just a shared base or a team name—it’s something unshakable. it’s a thousand debts you take turns repaying.

and then theres bdubs, where remembering takes a different form entirely. for him, remembering manifests as shared history. if i chose you before, really chose you, then i’m going to choose you again and again and again. i’m going to hover in your orbit even if you don’t choose me the next time, because you and i both know what we had, even if we’re not supposed to acknowledge it. “that was a different universe, this is a different world. you’re just cleo” but i’m going to spend the rest of the episode hovering longingly by your base anyways. “this is our old thing, if it comes down to it we don’t betray each other” because the loyalty created its roots years ago and has been growing out of control ever since. you ask bdubs where his team is and he shifts uncomfortably and refuses to explicitly call them his allies, insisting that they just showed up around him but he's not really sure.

and just like etho, the other players never fully trust bdubs. he’s fickle with his loyalty and seems to be a split decision away from turning on his friends at any second, but cleo and etho both know that’s not really true either. their trust towards him comes from that Remembering, that fundamental understanding of shared history.

for etho, it’s the push and pull. it’s the knowing that we go so far back that what happens in between never really matters. you got caught in an explosion or a trap that i set in your base? well, good thing we have a hundred more lives to play with so we can just laugh it off like we always do. a stray explosion or a firing squad aren’t an act of betrayal, any more than a mocking comment about your height or a casual threat of violence. and when it really matters, we both know we’d put down our swords.

for cleo, it’s something unshakeable. bdubs, the known traitor of 3rd life, was fiercely protective of her and her alone. so she’s never wary of him the same way anyone else is—she knows that when bdubs really chooses you, then you’re marked for life.

so yeah. clethubs is three guys who share the burden of remembering. and also have some kind of unspoken understanding of each others motives and intentions that no other player seems to have concretely picked up on. but in a way that ultimately just culminates in them acting like freaks around each other and not actually making any direct effort to team mostly because, as usual, etho and bdubs have no idea how to communicate their intentions directly and sincerely like normal people and instead opt to hover in the fringes of each others alliances and make really weird and loaded comments . Anyways

[onyourhyuck]

Crimson Lace Part Two.| Mark Lee (M)

Prologue: “I don’t like him around you.” + “You can’t tell me who to not hang around with. And secondly it sounds like you’re jealous.”

Summery: After you slept with Minhyun that night, Mark starts noticing the distance between you and him as you get closer to Minhyun. He grows jealous and becomes angry when you tell him the truth, making him confess sinful things you didn’t know about.

The Warnings: Love Triangle. Mark Lee Twin Tropes. Mark looks like he’s a complete loser in bed but he turns out to be amazing trope >>>. Fem Reader. Jealous and angry! Mark. Twin rivalry. Degrading. Extreme Mean Mark. Edging (so much edging) ice play (ice cubes mentioned a lot) fingering and eating out (Female receiving) begging, Mark has a massive darcyphillia kink. Everythings consensual. Cum play. Thigh riding. Public setting (they’re doing it in university class closet) Nipple play.

The Taglist: @yesohhsehun @chardonnayyyy @dearj43 @jwicore @nuttie-nv-blog @nctzcrime

Cover Credit: @dearj43 tysm<3

THE NOTE: sorry this took so long man. I was very busy. However part 2 is out now <3 enjoy

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It’s been two weeks since that night you’ve slept with Minhyun and let’s just say you’ve probably done it almost everywhere on campus but the dorms. You tried your best to control it. Try to make things go back to normal with the boy but all it took was one touch from him and things lead to a kiss and another more, it baffled you; with how much Minhyun had this control of you.

He knew how to tick the right boxes physically, sure, but mentally you were somewhere else. You were deeply thinking about Mark, his twin brother, wondering what he would think of you for fucking his brother behind his back.

You’re both scared to confess but you want to confess the truth to him. Unlike Minhyun who shown zero care if he’s railing his brothers crush, you were actually more disheartening about the situation more than anyone right now. You thought if this happened to you you’d be raging with fire in your eyes and demanding revenge. Though, you’re unsure how Mark will react. Mark is mostly a very patient guy. Only a few can tug his patience and test the waters, he’s respectful, friendly and never— and I tell you never gets angry. It’s like he’s perfect. A totally chill, laidback and nice guy.

But today it felt quite the opposite in your class. Writing away on your lined paper the front work essay to do in class, every student in the lecture room was doing the same thing. Trying their best to analysis their view point and perception of Oscar Wilde. You weren’t the biggest fan of Wilde but you do have to admit he does have classical literature. Something you could never forget no matter what. Your cheeks become hollow as you suck in your final breathe before pressing the pen down on the table, finishing the last structural paragraph needed to be done. Your conclusion was the best if you’d have to say so yourself.

Mark caught up with you leaving the class. You’re outside walking up the pathway to the girl dormitory. Something you recently signed up for and moved into. You don’t have a roommate yet, but that’s okay. Honestly you prefer the large dormitory to yourself. As Mark suddenly cuts off your pathway, with an expression you dearly avoided for so long till it finally contacts you.

“Y/n we need to talk.” Mark huffs, out of air.

You look up at the man with a raised eyebrow. “Mark I’m really busy with—“

“Fucking my brother?” He suddenly cuts your sentence off leaving your chest to rise, going tighter and tighter leaving little to no oxygen surpassing through your protected lungs. You felt your world stop and crash instantly like a car has ran into you in the five dimensional realm. You weren’t sure how he came up with that idea, but you knew he was correct. You were cornered by him. Questioned by Mark’s suspicion. For whatever evidence he has. You told yourself to come clean, telling yourself now’s the chance to fully address the issues you’ve done. The bad sins you’ve done behind Mark’s knowledge.

Your voice came out like a murmur. “I’m sorry Mark, I was planning to tell you.” Mark heard you say, though all he could look at was the images of you naked, possibly aroused and more, god, how badly he wished it was him who did those things to you. Minhyun took the pleasure of telling him every fucking detail; the way your moans were so disconnected because you cannot speak while fingered by him deep inside your cunt. He described the way your hair gets messy in the cutest way possible. Minhyun didn’t spare Mark the heinously bragging, what fun was that if he did not? He wants to see Mark rage. He wants to see Mark explode with infuriating frustration that he lost you. His dreams and feelings flat out rejected even though he didn’t confess to you.

All the boy could do was lean back and grab forward your wrist with those boba-like eyes, resembling a round onyx seed. A hint of honey brown flicks in those eyes when bright light slants on the wide iris’ it always makes you so mesmerised. It was only simple brown eyes but the way he looks at you through them, the way you see yourself through his eyes makes your tamed heart skipper quicker than anything in this world. Which heartbeat got faster and faster the more he pressed your wrist in his palm in a harshly given gripping hold, he did not spare you the weakness nor mercy. His voice taunts your skin like a shadowed mercenary ready to kill you while you’re unaware.

“A sorry cannot cut out for the way Minhyun purposely tortured me with the details of your beautiful, romantic night, Y/n.”

He sorely refused your apology leaving you to stand there in middle of nowhere outside the all girl’s dormitory awkwardly as the space minute by minute closes like a maze.

“I don’t like him around you.” Mark trailing with a softer growl containing jealousy that you won’t ever prescribe . It felt more than a normal amount of Jealousy.

It was envy. It was the need to be superior than the other. It was the over-loading amount of covetousness that the boy has for you, it felt like an addiction. You were his wrong addiction with no rehabilitation enough to provide Mark to save himself from your magnetic field.

Mark dislikes the way Minhyun claims he has you wrapped round his fingers yet he doesn’t know the way you have Mark chained to you spiritually. The way your bodies speak in such a hidden language from your conscious mind, gently paving your way, as your eyes tremble to the hold.

Your lips fell from this blank thin line to a sudden choke scoffing softly out your beautiful heart shape mouth, your minds were repeatedly thinking that. “You can’t tell me who to not hang around with.”

You pause staring blankly at him.

“And secondly it sounds like you’re jealous.” You strike at him with your indifferent tone. Mark was indeed bothered by the fact that you and Minhyun have gotten closer, have ended up with a physical relationship. He was jealous and he didn’t dare hide it in his voice or bodily language.

“I’m not fucking jealous I’m more than that.” The grip on your wrist tightens as he pulls your bodies inside the dormitory. “I’m wishing it was me with you that night doing those dirty things, Y/n. Call me jealous all you want but I had my eyes on you first. Minhyun could careless about you.” He adds snarking. “Don’t whore for him who can’t even memorise your Starbucks-go-to order and your favourite movie of all times.”

It’s the way he knows your future moves and the next step seeps to be inebriated, you were left alone staring at Mark deeply who’s chest risen up aloof. Your tongue was bitten down against your teeth harshly as you chew on your words, mentally planning your next dialogue. Just about when you open your mouth, “Mark this is ridiculous-” Mark cuts in right again, leaving you down and flat with your dimmed voice.

“Shut the fuck up.” Mark brushes as the palms creep on your face with their cold temperatures solitudes your warm heated face growing warmer by the way his lips crash on to yours giving them the quickest peck, before fully interrogating your mouth as his own home. His tongue slips in with a barge and a venom to strike. Teeth brush against your soft skin layering your lips to picker and become swollen. Your breathe was harsh and a gasp escaped you. Mark wasn’t trying to be gentle. In fact he was simply rough round the edges, like he had enough of you and your stupidity, that he will finally explode and show you just how much he wants you, how much he loves and wishes to be with you and only you. It’s nothing Minhyun could ever compare to, as your emotions were in the way, but Mark was so much physically intending to use you now.

“Mark- Mark please, slow down, we can’t be doing this…”

He was whispering such degrading terms you weren’t sure how to process. It started off with telling you to be quiet, in which you didn’t oblige to. Your voice came off with multi-stuttering in between the kiss. His fingertips gracefully graze down your jawline and reaching your neck where he grabs you firmly on it before pushing you inside the girl dormitory building. He lead you against a wall pushing you down on it. His voice darkens line an abyss wanting to suck you in and trap you there for eternity and more. “Don’t say anything. Let me indulge a little more before you leave.” He achingly told you, as if it hurt to say. Your reddish swollen lips turned red and you couldn’t believe but feel the way his drunk sad eyes longing on you,

You whisper softly. “I’m not going anywhere.” As Mark leans closer adjusting himself to close the gap between your chest and his. “Don’t get my hopes up.” Mark warns leaning down capturing a passionate and helpless kiss to you, but this time you’ve returned it with just as much eagerness he couldn’t compete with.

He knew you were never going to choose him. He knows Minhyun has stolen your heart and made it his own home before he could, and he only has himself to blame for losing you to his own twin brother. He was late. He was slow and too scared for ruining your friendship between you, Mark often stays up late at night thinking to himself that he should’ve made the first move. He should’ve confessed. He shouldn’t be a coward but he did become one at the end of the day. The moment Minhyun slept with you, he lost a part of himself. He lost all self-control.

You want to tell him you won’t ever leave him. That Minhyun and you sleeping was a simple mistake that you enjoyed and wish to keep on the low, that you’re not interested in dating his brother — you wish to tell him this but all you could focus solely on was the way he was kissing you as if it was his last dying wish. You weren’t sure how far it was going to go, but you felt yourself lose control and all together you grip on his neck finally adjusting to it all. You want Mark.

You came to a conclusion that you want Mark now. Your voice came off as a surprise, if anything, it came off as a dropped off bomb combusting a large sparking ember in his heartbroken heart. “Let’s take it to my dorm…” you said with no shame.

With a nod you were leading Mark inside your dorms welcoming the man in with your bodies aching desperately for each other. The door slams shut and Mark had all his strength pinning you down on your bed gasping in the rough kiss marking your swollen mouth. He was gaping at your body, squeezing his fingers on your clothes and under the fabric crewing on your empty skin practically screaming for him to dirty it, to use you, each time it reminds him of the way you look right now telling that this might be the first and very much the last time he shall ever have the chance of sleeping with you. He must savour the opportunity. Seize the opportunity of all opportunities. And he did.

He did do exactly that when the way he stripped you naked before he shown all his skin in front of you. Your breasts were kneading round like they were his personal items, shifting in your bodies flat on your belly. As his lips press on your shoulder and back. He squeezed at your hips, hoarsely whispering to you; “Lift your hips up for me darling.” It gnaws at your subconscious to hear this man, the man who’s always been your friend, respectful and kind to you was completely out of the picture now that he’s treating you with so much rough and rawly strengths, it purged you with sinful thoughts because it turns you to see him so… berserk. Your lower body arches to his demands and Mark reaches to squeeze your ass before spanking it.

Your voice comes through the pillows that Mark purposely buried your face in. You couldn’t see what he’s looking at but you felt his stare on you everywhere. “Good girl. Always so obedient for me aren’t you? Such a good girl.” He knows how to get you riled up with words. He doesn’t even need to touch you to get you going. The clothes on your body did not last a second on you it was a whole new situation with Mark it even surprised you how well he was good at undressing you from head to toe. The lower clothing came off like it was a slipper from your feet. His fingers weren’t the only thing good at taking clothes off. They were starting to please you down below occasionally slipping out your underwear to the side so his fingers can slide deep inside your wet cunt which was soaking for him.

Mark was pleasantly surprised by how wet you were and his thoughts tread on to his twin brother wondering if he was going through back getting you more wet than this. If this was how soaking you are for him than you must be a waterfall when this continues. He is determined to be better than his brother. Better for you and better for himself. If he lives down as the worse brother in bed he would rather have hell take him back and never come out. As your cunt slowly sinks breathing in his fingers he starts to finger you with a medium length pace causing every wall in you to tighten and loosen just round his shape of the fingers going in and out. The second finger slips in and Mark can hear you moan out more at this rate it was only furling him to continue and add the third finger; your voice becomes slightly louder when your hand covers your mouth to shut it down. He smirks seeing you become so self aware of how you sound so pretty and helpless like a little lamb in the open.

Your body shivers when the ice cube melts on your stomach as he kept pressing on it on the skin. Your lips pull away from his as he looks down at you darkly. “Is it cold?” He slants at you and you could only dumbly nod. Mark smirks. “Good, that’s the point.” His voice lingers as he lifts his hand with an ice cube pushing it to your lips.

You look up at the ice cube and then at him again. “Suck on it.” He orders from you and you couldn’t resist leaning into the cube sucking on it letting it melt on your tongue. He would watch fascinated by the heavenly sight.

Mark stares into you so deep in your eyes refusing to break the minimal eye contact even though he is fingering you so hard to the point your thighs are shaking and hugging side to side with how much he was ramming in you he never once broke away. You couldn’t help but moan as you watch him. He didn’t make you look away at all and if you did he would punish you with a spank to the thighs or to your ass it was unbelievably hot however it made you feel things you did not before. Mark whispers seeing you come close. “That’s right baby keep those eyes on me and come on my fingers Hm? I can feel you throbbing so much around my fingers.” He’d tell you describing every little detail about how your body was round him and you couldn’t believe how arousing it was. You ache jolting a little as you push against his fingers. Mark stops moving them as he saw the juice spewing out and at awe taking them out of you.

He’d lick the remaining juice out of you on his fingers clean off not leaving anything behind. He was staring at you as he did so and you relax there stunned by how he could look so good doing something so dirty? You couldn’t even figure out an answer. It was just a Mark Lee thing. But this wasn’t the end. Mark did not get enough of you and he pushed you down to the side to make you lay down where he forcefully re opens your legs splitting them apart like they were a piece of candy and as he did so his mouth comes to attack you with his tongue on your soaking cunt. He was eating you out and the juices on his tongue tasting so good. It was better than his imagination. It couldn’t compare to his lewdness thoughts. The real deal was the best part.

You weren’t sure how to deal with all this pleasure you couldn’t simple handle all of this but knowing it’s Mark you couldn’t bring the urge to push him away. The pleasure was just something you were hunting down all the time. In disbelief as how fast he was eating you out like he was going through a whole decade of starvation it made you also screaming into your hand. Mark wanted people to hear you however. He wanted you to get caught. He loved the idea of Minhyun coming round and walking in on you with him on your bed knowing it isn’t him. Knowing it’s not his brother. Knowing he got a taste of you it will surely piss his brother off too to see you look so beautiful with him in this rightful moment.

“I… I can’t take it anymore Mark— please— please please can i come?” Your voice was as clueless as a little wren walking around the lonely road. Mark looks up from your wet cunt covering in the saliva and your lubricant ghostly smirking above your clit. Mark’s mouth softly perks up kissing your clit and kissing down again. You shiver at his silent response.

He was taunting you slowly. “Hmm…you can take some more y/n. I know you can. If you can take my brother all night why can’t you take me Hm?” His head tilts so condescendingly at you and your eyes clench tight watering at the pleasure ending just to start again to edge her body into nonexistence. His mind wonders of to you laying down Mark suddenly shifts on the bed seeing how you were pleading for a release. How about he gives you one?

Mark sits on the edge and you look up seeing him pull away suddenly and act as if nothing has happened. He motions you with his finger pointing you up and you sit up slowly coming forward to him. His hand pats his thigh as his dark gaze shines straight at you. “Do you want to cum, Y/n?” His voice strikes you down but you nod in response. Mark hums trailing. “Then ride my thigh and make yourself cum on it.” Mark was making you do the work if you want it so badly.

You felt your skin shiver as you tried to wobble over to his thug pushing your wet pussy on the fabric on his clothes. He was barely dressed but the dry fabric pressing to your womanhood was enough to make you squelch and slowly thrusting your thighs on the area made you want to squeeze Mark’s shoulders down in a heavy way. Mark watches you struggle and he loves the view he was getting just seeing how much you were working for the release. The way your thighs and cunt were grinding on his leg was enough to make him aroused at the sight. You were whimpering all sorts of noises out of your mouth. It made his ears only long for more and more.

He laughs watching you shake already and you only just started riding his thigh. He wraps his hands round your hips pushing it further down to his thigh making you squirm and groan at the sensation of you harshly climaxing on his thigh now bursting out a long streak of water and tears going down your cheeks. “Atta’ girl. Look at you finishing on my thigh so quickly… and you crying…” He carries on darkly chuckling. He was laughing at you, but in such a twisted way you couldn’t help wonder where did the Mark you know was? “You’re such a pretty crier. How about you cry for me some more as i fuck the absolute shit out of you.”

And you did. You were bawling with each thrust in that his thick and wide cock buried deep in you as his body was quenching you underneath hardening and moulding your body into his own temple was just as amazing as the pleasure his cock provided to your womb, ramming and splattering in you widening your spine and back letting your body fall and break into pieces just so he could fix you up and move you like he wants you. He had you in so many different positions in just a few minutes he has you squirming begging for more and more and more; Mark can only give so much and he did give you his all where he had you screaming his name.

Chanting his name more like as if it were a mantra. Mark could only wish he can have this on repeat and recorded forever on. You sigh forward with your soft moans humming about into the bedsheets as Mark had you lift your hips up to go on all fours . Your head was buried deep on the bedsheets and pillows where you can barely breathe but the overwhelming pleasure has you slipping out. “P-Please fill me up Mark. I beg you. I bet you Mark.” You we’re pleading so nicely it was almost tempting. Mark smirks pulling your head up by grabbing handful of your hair lifting you this way so he can whisper into your ears.

One hand was roaming your stomach that you were arching in the all four position. “Yeah you want to be filled? You want me to put a baby inside you? Want me to show everyone how much of a whore you are?” You whimper closing your eyes shut as tears come out. He smirks watching them slip out. “That’s right cry some more. It will make me finish quicker.” He growls throwing your head back on the pillows ramming deep in you leaving your womb feeling a warm stretching sensation.

It continues until a liquid was speedily put inside you at a sudden rate leaving you stunned at how good it felt to have Mark finish deep within you letting a string of his come stay in you as he did for a while. He pants heavily as his hands press down on your back. He helps you turn around where he grabs your neck gently but kissing you so roughly speaking against your swollen lips. “Guess who was hearing us behind the door all this time…?”

You couldn’t believe your ears at first until Mark stares straight ahead of you and your eyes widen at the sight. Mark pulls the phone outta the pocket of his jeans scattering on the floor where you stare at the contact name ‘Lee Minhyun’ on the screen phone. Your gaze turns back to the door seeing a shadow outside the dorm door.

“You… called him over on your phone…”

Mark smirks back at you. “That’s right. This will show him who you truly love and belong to.”

He turns around pointing at the crimson lace that you wore before. “Oh by the way… you should wear this Crimson Lace more often. It suits you.”

NCT SMUT FICS.

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating and copyrighting my work thank youu! Please reblog the fic and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out.

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

One thing I like about Nimona that I haven't seen brought up yet (and maybe I'm alone here) is that Nimona becomes more sympathetic to the audience at the same pace that she becomes more sympathetic to Ballister (kinda long analysis below sorrys)

Like, I know not everyone agrees, but on my first watch of the movie, I found her downright annoying for the first like, quarter of the film. I don't find her annoying upon rewatch at all, I absolutely adore her, but the first time I watched it I reacted with a similar distaste as Ballister-- not because she was a shapeshifter or queer, obviously, but because she appears completely tone-deaf to Ballister's situation when the man is experiencing probably the worst thing anyone could imagine, she jeopardizes his reputation even more by pretending to be him while menacing the public, constantly undermines his efforts to minimize harm and clear his name, and just does as she feels without regard to others.

Then you start to learn why she acted that way, just as Ballister does. You (and Ballister) start to see that his efforts are in vain, that trying to minimize harm or clear his name doesn't work in his favor and is impossible to achieve, and Nimona knew that all along so of course she didn't care! She's seen this film before enough times to stop taking it seriously. If the outcome is always the same, why not have a little fun with it?

Her whimsical mannerisms start to look less annoying and tone-deaf and more powerful and brave (that she could be so determined to be herself despite everything). She starts to look less carefree, and more jaded. You realize that she's only carefree because it hurts too much to care.

And Ballister's line "Let's break stuff" is the turning point where we see that she (or rather, the Institute) has taught him to embrace chaos and be himself, because they're not going to listen either way.

And the subsequent scene, where Ballister offers to take her away from the walls and she says "No, this isn't right, we have to take the Institute down" shows that Ballister taught her to care again because he proved that people can change. They both had an important lesson they needed to learn from the other, basically: "Don't expect the system to work in your favor but don't be a doomer about it either" lol

And it hurts when Bal turns on her because you can kinda see where he's coming from, it would make sense that a lonely, lonely creature would possibly sabotage someone else hated by society so that they could finally have a friend. It would explain why she acted so cavalier about his reputation, constantly threatened people and undermined him, made them both out to be far more villainous than they were. She was acting out of indifference, but it came across to him as malice, and while we the audience know that obviously the eponymous character isn't a twist villain, Ballister wouldn't, and further, how much easier would it be to believe that this one person double-crossed you, rather than to believe everything you ever knew was a lie? So he turned his back on her.

And he, and the audience see what a huge massive fuckup that was.

What I like is you don't even NEED her backstory to sympathize with her, and neither did Ballister. This isn't a case of "character was unbearable for the entire time but they have sad backstory so they're now likeable I guess Snape). She was already sympathetic and likeable. We already understood her. The backstory was just extra context, nothing more, and that is fucking excellent writing.

We slowly learn to love Nimona for herself at the same rate that Ballister does, rather than being irritated wishing she was something else. And I absolutely, absolutely love that. She doesn't "become" more likeable, you learn that she was likeable all along.