#this was done almost entirely on a single layer btw. i was testing my own patience lmfaooo

[tridentrans]

this zombie seems just a little familiar, doesn't it ?

[secondhand-trash]

BNHA but it’s thebonappetittestkitchen

A/N: I watched one Test Kitchen Talks and now I’m obsessed. I’ve been binging BA vids and this is the end result lmao (might write a part 2 later if I can think of other characters to put in there)

Bakugou Katsuki

Gourmet Makes but angrier

very serious about everything

*tch* “The weight of this layer of the cookie is off.”

“...you said 14.9 grams.”

“Yes and this is 0.1 grams off, we have to do this again.”

constant swearing when he is by the stove

the staff might have give him constant new topics just to see him tick off

always bickering with the other chefs

“Hey, kacchan-”

“Do not fucking call me that on camera.”

the fan favorite meme

(Kaminari is bitter about that)

“Taste this.”

“I think-”

“Say anything and I’ll burn this place down.”

“...it is great.”

Midoriya Izuku

the helpful one

always wandering in the background of every single video

works under the editor

is not actually a professional chef but kinda learned enough by being around everyone 

the one that got sent to deliver bad news because he is less likely to be stabbed by a kitchen knife by annoyed chefs

“...they send you here to tell me things that will my job harder, aren’t they.”

“Yeah..”

the one who will drop his own things to help around the kitchen

doesn’t normally cooks, but when he does it is always for very homely recipes

“This is not the most common way but that’s what I grow up eating...”

“My mom taught me how to do this.”

“I found this recipe in my mom’s old cookbook.”

Kirishima Eijirou

the “big friendly dog in human form”

started out as a butcher

gets appointed to do all the heavy work

prime thumbnail material

(he still has no idea why the editors are always telling him to roll his sleeves all the way up or where a tank top whenever they are filming outdoors)

campfire specialist

“Bro, this is sick dude.”

“Eyyyyyyy Bakugou-” *hand in the air*

“(sighs)” *high five*

very popular among older viewers??? 

(grandson material???)

Aizawa Shouta

the “tired guardian”, as always

puts booze in e v e r y t h i n g

“Now add a splash of white wine.” *proceeds to pour out half the bottle*

it’s an inner joke among chefs and fans that he never sleeps 

showed up in a video in a crisp shirt with his hair up like, once, and the internet went into a frenzy

comments like “WHY IS THE HOBO SO HOT” flooded the comments 

compilation videos with titles like “Aizawa being done with everyone’s bullshit for 10 minutes straight”

(it’s basically him sighing and staring with dread in his eyes in someone else’s background throughout the entire video)

gets undermined a lot because of his demeanor, but will casually namedrop his credentials which shocks everyone

“When I was working at (insert famous prestigious restaurant)...”

“Wait hold up a second wHAT????”

Yaoyorozu Momo

the “properly trained in some renounced culinary school and probably comes from some impressive background but we don’t talk about that”

ridiculously accurate tastebuds

often act as the guinea pig for other chefs

recreating (blank) by taste videos

gets oddly specific realy quick

*munch munch* “Is that prosciutto that was made in winter by hand and dried for two years in Italy?”

“I’m sorry what now???”

gets cranky when people misplace things 

never raises her voice, never swears, but somehow intimidating as all hell

when Yaomomo tells you to put the flour on the forth shelf counting from the left, you do it

unintentionally expensive taste

“Wait, you’ve never tried European white truffle (which can sell up to thousands a pound btw) before?”

“No?????”

Kaminari Denki

the “how the hell does he even get in here anyways????”

blog editor, but people like him so much that he keeps showing up

always causing chaos

always butting in when the others are filming 

the prankster

“I hide tiny babies all over the test kitchen”

“I replace all the extra virgin olive oil in the test kitchen with virgin olive oil and see how long it will take for people to notice”

No one has ever seen him cook on camera but he still has a fuck ton of screen time

“Make Kaminari film a cooking video” is now the no. 1 requests among fans

Todoroki Touya Dabi

the “I need this job or else I’ll have to go home and inherit the 1 billion dollar net worth family business”

how the fuck does he make the chef uniform slutty???

(the trick is to unbutton enough until you can see the line of his chest)

does that thing where he looks into the camera while chopping every video

how the fuck does he make basic instructions sound suggestive???

(the trick is to lower his voice enough until it almost sounds gravel but you didn’t hear that from me)

“Can you pass me that salt, doll? Thank you.”

the only one who has his nickname in the credits

“So I learned how to cook this because my dad told me that it wouldn’t work and I want to piss him off.”

sleeves are always rolled up because “these tats are expensive, why not show them off?”

rumors are that he has beef with Shouto from the office, but it’s just a rumour though

Asui Tsuyu

the one who will actually teach you something

gives very clear instructions

back-to-back cooking 

“Why is this not working-”

“Have you tried adding more butter?”

“Oh.”

you can physically see her growing more and more concern by the second whenever she walks by someone messing up

she’s like your mom, somehow she’ll be able to find everything that you couldn’t even though you both look through the same places

her siblings showed up in the kitchen once and everyone was immediately smitten

[pinesofthemind]

A Means To An End [5]

part cinco is here thanks to ya boi staying up late and finishing it off, the end of it sounds like its the end of the story but trust me, things (although it may not look like it) are just getting started in here. 

btw i’m thinking of making a short pincest fic, kinda like the whole ‘thoughts’ thing i’ve been doing lately but more experimental with the story. i’ll let yalll know when it comes.

anyway enjoy it homies 

Lizzie felt the air flare out of her nostrils pushing against the soft skin of her upper lip. The anger that she held followed by understanding kept her emotions tucked away. This man that stood before her now knew about her situation. What was he to do but stare against her blank look, the comfort of her green eyes held more than simply shock. A startling silence between them. A lock of eyesight that had the key tossed down a well of pity and confusion. It was shared amid them both. Lizzie had decided to be the first to break such a heavy silence.

‘I take it you’re not staying here then’.

It was then that Dipper was reminded of a certain someone. A familiar person oh so close to him.

‘Oh dammit, i forgot about my sister! I was supposed to bring her some takeout.’

‘I see...well, you should probably get going then. Sorry about the snappy comment, you can still go to the cops if you want. Maybe...they’ll help you out.’ She felt a gradual sense of blood leave her arms as they loosened up. No longer tense and constricted but relaxed and light. Her fingertips rested upon the chipping board of the front desk. It all melted away.

‘I’ll do it. Whenever i see a cop, i’ll just march straight up to the guy and try to explain it all. Without looking crazy obviously.’ Dipper smirked as he mentioned this, yes rambling if front of a cop isn’t the best way to get their trust. His time back in gravity falls is what caused this.

‘Yeah, i think that’ll work just fine’ Lizzie chuckled. Well now, wasn’t he the thoughtful type?

Dipper knew it was all set and done. There wasn’t much else for him to talk about with her. It was all an all a good conversation with a human being. Something this walk needed, to show to himself that he wasn’t hitting the early signs of Alzheimers. However, the constant thought of Mabel screaming about her take out had to be kept to a minimum, he attempted to coo the little creature by positioning himself for the door.

‘Well..i’d best be going then. Thanks for letting me stay’ as he grabbed a hold of the door knob he turned back to her. She smiled at him, embracing his decision. They both hoped that the next time they met, it would be under different circumstances.

‘Take care Dipper!’

‘You too!’

With that conversation closed off, he shut the door behind him. Taking his new path towards the one destination he sought this entire time, Greasy’s Diner. It took him awhile to adjust to the conditions outside again, but he was soon smoothly sailing among it. The walk to Greasy’s would have been a disaster if not for the fresh signs dotted across the lamp posts in town. They all read similar quotations from supposedly the company’s owner.

‘The best and cheapest pancakes in any town!’

He had to test this out. By no means was the ‘cheap’ part of the slogan surely something they could rightfully say. The best pancakes never come cheap, always at top dollar. From this, he figured out a formula when it came to them.

If the pancakes came cheap, they didn’t taste good.

If they came by expensive, they tasted amazing.

It was a little something he created from tasting the purest form of them. The chart gave a clear distinction and decided the outcome as soon as he asked the single question.

‘How much do they cost?’

Once Dipper had ceased thinking about the perfect pancake formula he looked around and found it. The Greasy’s Diner was just at the edge of the road, being covered by thick bushes of leaves bristling and dripping wet thanks to mother nature. Dipper took notice of how the rainfall had affected the leaves on this single tree to the far right of the entrance. One side of it was chunky and the other narrow and skinny. It seemed to him that the rainfall had torn through most of them. He felt for the tree, it couldn’t do anything. It wasn’t conscious of its own actions. It simply acted on its own instinct. Still, he thought about how the rainfall would probably help it out. This ripped him away out of his sadness immediately. He thought right back at it, wondering why he was even pitying it in the first place. It would be just fine.

As Dipper stepped up to the door mat placed outside of the diner he noticed a small note, right beside the handle of the door taped on the other side. He didn’t see it there before, although that wasn’t on his mind something else was. The note read in small handwriting:

‘Closed due to short staff. Openings available on our website www.GreasysDiner.com

We will reopen once adequate staff count has reached the minimum. Thank you for your patience.’

‘Wow. All of this for nothing huh? Well great, just what the hell am i gonna tell her now? For fucks sake, an entire day wasted, what’s the point in opening a new restaurant only to close because no one wants to fucking work here?!’

Dipper was ranting and shouting at himself, asking these questions to the proverbial Greasy’s god who was up in the clouds. He knew his voice was well above his own rational thinking. The thought of bothering some passers-by or neighbors didn’t cross his mind either. Because he was alone. There was no one around him. He wished to unfold his rage onto an object or stranger passing by. But only the echoes of his own strangled shouting answered his plea.

He circled around the Diner multiple times, looking for a person who worked there. The thought of a cleaner coming out came to mind. But he didn’t see anyone through the store window. His final interpretation of all of this was to just head home. He’d had enough and decided to walk it back. The rain lingered on the way, yet it only saw to drag the wound over his bare chest. The only thing Dipper wanted after today was rest.

When he arrived back home he heard his parents watching TV in the living room. It sounded like football. As he took off his hoodie and placed it in the clothes basket he saw Mabel, she was finishing her dinner in the kitchen. He didn’t want to converse with her, he just wanted to embrace the soft resistance that his bed provided. He snuck himself behind the pillar and waited until she got up to clean her plate. Her back turned towards him, he steadily stretched his leg over the pillar and onto the staircase. Dipper then pulled himself up onto it and proceeded to walk up carefully.

‘I know you’re there Dip. It’s okay you’re probably tired or something. Tell me what happened tomorrow, night bro.’

He knew it wouldn’t work for long, she would’ve caught up to him eventually. This time he lacked the skill and coordination, but next time won’t be so easy.

‘Night Mabel’ his croaky voice replied. His arm carried his entire body up the stairs while gripping onto the bannister. The bed, the sweet bed was almost there. As he reached the top he looked to the left, his door was just there. Dipper used the walls as a leverage to push himself further into the desired direction. Now he was in, he burst through his door and shut it behind him.

He instantly yanked at his soaked clothes and began to strip. He pulled his top over his head flicked it off, the bottom of it trickling against his chest and stomach with layers of water. It tickled him a little, gave him something to laugh about. He experienced the same sensation with his trousers. The cotton of his boxers was drenched and stuck to his inside of his legs. From this standpoint Dipper had two choices:

#1 Sleep with wet boxers and possibly wet bed resulting in bad sleep.

#2 Go commando and just sleep already.

The latter of this decision was perhaps the best decision. He ripped them off and jumped into bed, tucking his legs and arms aside, while resting his head on what he called ‘a pinch of heaven’. He hoped tomorrow would be better. In fact, he’d make it better but with what little control he had over life, it’d make specific aspects incredibly difficult to change. However, he could surely divert the path onto something, less stressful. Becoming a hermit for the day ahead sounded like a plan. It allowed him adequate rest for college the next day. Then it’s settled for him, one day of rest is all he needs. The outside world can wait tomorrow. He isn’t going out for a while.

[angry--tiresia]

Why I’m fucked up [part 1]

REBLOG WITH YOUR OWN ‘WHY I’M FUCKED UP’

YES THIS IS ME OVERSHARING

There’ll be 3 parts I think;

1) I always feel stupid

2) I always feel ugly

3) I always feel unwanted

So;

1) Me feeling stupid. In primary school I was bullied, nothing big, a beating here and there but mostly just threats and repeated public humiliation. This made me hate everything to do with school and I don’t think I ever studied for a single test, however it was a rich afrikaans school, and this is an incredibly important point, being in a good school makes it hard to do badly. So even though I did terribly in comparison to my classmates, compared to most people from worse schools I did great. That obviously didn’t matter and I was constantly laughed at for my marks. 

Then I decided to change environment to an artschool, started acting classes a week before the audition, and I got in. This school used to accept 10% of applicants based on their audition and every other person in my class had been acting for years and had usually starred in at least one piece of commercial media - I was totally out of my depth and had a lot to catch up, and was again, continually humiliated for my inability to just know what to do. But by the end of the four years I kind of knew what I was doing and it was acknowledged, but by then I’d had years of insecurity buidling up. 

Now this school was amazing for the arts, heck even Charlize Theron went there, but in every other aspect it was truly horrible, with teachers blatantly lying to students. For maths, I could count the number of problems we did in a year on one hand. I was best friends with someone who worked 8 hours every day, so they did well, but from primary school - [and an initial month or so in the begining of high school where no teacher would translate single words in test questions/content because I was learning the language] - I knew that I was too stupid to ever reach that point. So they too humiliated me nearly every day, sometimes with a bit of a crowd, for how stupid I was. In grades 10 and 11 my maths teacher called me in at least once a week to tell me that I really don’t have enough intelligence for pure mathematics, and I should rather do mathematical literacy.

But I wanted to become immortal, to get to a point where I was better than I am now, and to do that I’d have to do biology, at a good uni, so I needed maths, and in matric my dad finally convinced me to do some work and I ended up getting the second best marks in my class, with my best friend [whom I was obviously inferior to] got the best marks of anyone in years. 

So I got into a good uni for science. But I wanted to prove to everyone for once and for all that I wasn’t an idiot, so though I did biology I also did pure physics and pure maths. And here’s a part to understand, for the past five years I’d been taught crap for maths. And doing maths trains your brain to do maths, it trains you to think in a certain way, and not only was I in class with people that had come from schools that had reputations and were significantly better than mine. And not only that, but the vast, vast majority of them had taken subjects in high school that I had never heard of, ones that had covered essentially the entire first year of mathematics. Throughout this year I was repeatedly laughed at and called an idiot. And even my closest friends would make jokes, for years afterwards, about my stupidity, the only comfort for 3 years being from my best friend [and fp for those that understand bpd] ; “It’s not your fault you made friends with clever people”. 

In second year I decided to do physics instead of biology, but at that point the people in my class had again, done applied mathematics in first year, something that was not required but was assumed knowledge for physics, and again, I cannot emphasis enough, it trains their brains to solve that kind of problem, and be more malleable to learn solve those kinds of problems. Objectively at this point I was years and years behind everyone else. It was during this time that my best friend again made a joke that for some reason goes in the book of things that people have said that completely change the way I see the world, myself and the way I act - it was that moment that I was finally convinced that, yes, after almost 14 years of being told I was stupid on a near daily basis, that I was in fact stupid. Even before this, the opinions of people outside my field didn’t matter to me because all my degree was was a mask to hide my stupidity, and I knew fully that any of them could do everything a million times better. 

I have tried to fix this, but it’s impossible, I’m to this day seen to be the stupidest person in my friend group, most recently we were at a restaurant and someone made a comment of “who would be the most likely to invent teleportation” and everyone pointed at my best friend, [except said best friend who pointed at me, n’caaw]. Someone said “But [referring to me] has a degree in physics” To which the response obviously is “But [best friend] has the brain for it”. 

And my favorite thing is to hear people say “You shouldn’t care about what people think” when they’ve been showered with affirmation for years. The best I’ve gotten is my room mate saying “No, you’re not stupid”, in the same way you would tell a dog “Oh you’re a good boy” and my best friend [only in the past year and a bit] saying “I think you’re smart”. And my parents, and I can’t deny the solid base they gave me, but a solid base can only take you that far.

My second favourite thing to hear is, upon asking for help [which takes nth level courage btw] “I don’t know any better than you” when they’ve literally already made the most perfect decisions or answers for that exact question and you’re entirely lost cause you don’t have 4+ years of direct experience in that field/thing because this is the first time in your life you’re seeing it. 

And logically I can see why I feel the way I do. The moment I get good at something I drop it to throw myself into a field that I know nothing about. At the end of high school I auditioned for the new york film academy, and at the time they had no bursaries for South African kids, but they wanted me so badly they sent a million letters to a million sponsors to try get my tuition paid for, but my audition had been live and no bursary came. At the end of my physics degree I went to one of the professors that I thought wasn’t too horrible, and I pitched an idea to him about how to model the fundamental forces in a more unified manner, to which the response was ‘It sounds amazing and innovative, but I simply don’t know enough to be able to tell you anything more’, and had to send me to an expert in the field, who liked the idea enough to want to make me do a project that would lead into it for a masters project, unfortunately I couldn’t. Or my current supervisor, upon hearing my ideas on the possibilities of time travel offered to write me a recommendation letter to the most prestigious theoretical physics institute in the world.

But instead of pursuing any of that I’m throwing myself into software engineering, again, a field I know nothing about, where I will be laughed at and humiliated for not knowing.

And what’s shattering about it all is the way it changes the way I interact. Earlier this year a friend said “I’m going to see a Wagner opera - you’ve probably never heard of him” and instead of replying “No, actually I know Wagner’s work pretty intimately, I can’t agree with the directing style he pioneered, nor his style, however his concept of the ubermensch really inspired me for a while”, I said “yeah, I don’t know much. I think I might have heard his name before” Because, lets be real, they almost definitely know so much more than me. 

Or last year I was on set with friends and someone was constructing a grid and they simply wanted to know that if they had [say] 20 tiles and the grid had to be 4 tiles wide, how many layers deep the grid would be. They were 100% in arts and honestly didn’t know how to do it, and in front of a small group of people they asked me, as they knew I was a final year astrophysics - physics major. But in that moment I was too insecure to be able to lift my voice to divide 20 by 4. So I rather said “No, ask [this friend] they know better”

I’m terrified of giving my opinion because I know chances are that it’s wrong, because I’m stupid, and the person I’m telling will know better, and they will see my mistake, and they will make fun of me. AND  when I do gain the confidence to give my opinion, usually only to the people very closest to me, they will stop listening to me halfway through my sentence, and I would end it with “Oh, you’re right, no one cares”, and not a single person has ever noticed. Most notably [because I suffer from jealousy when it comes to this person] was when me and my best friend were out, but she was talking to this guy on her phone [someone I’m jealous of for the attention she gives him - I’ll get to his in the ‘unwanted’ section], and eventually she clearly felt bad for straight up ignoring me [lol this is actually seen as abuse towards people with bpd] she said that they were talking about the ethics of supporting a politician who’s personal life contradicts his policy - and, other than being totally jealous of the ability to have such a conversation - she asked for my opinion. So I gave my first point of his policy affecting more people than his personal life so I’d vote for them, to which she responded that ‘he can’t be trusted to stick to his policy if he doesn’t believe in it’. I was a full sentence into my reply when she looked down at her phone and started to message him, and it was just, once again, such a thorough “Lol your opinion doesn’t matter cause you’re stupid and who cares, but his on the other hand” As a safety check I again ended with “Oh yeah you don’t care” with no response. And this also, not from her spesifically, happens about once a week, perhaps once every two weeks, but if we’re going with this week I think we’re going on 3 already and it’s monday.

So, my final note is, why would I feel anything but stupid? On some logical level I want to say that I know I’m not stupid; but it never feels like that, and in addition to that, what evidence is there that I’m not stupid? There is literally none, and significant, 14+ years, worth of proof that I’m an idiot. 

Also sorry for grammar/spelling typos, I’m really tired. 

REBLOG WITH YOUR OWN ‘WHY I’M FUCKED UP’