#this was actually drawn a while ago but i dont have anything else

[s1nosha]

quick filler post i knwo its supposed to be brunet for nick BUT SHUT UP!!! IGNORE THAT

[infizero-draws]

oh hey, id love to here your labduo hcs

YAYYYY ok. i'll start off with the demon soulmate ones (not specific to them) since someone else asked to hear about that as well. this is very long sorry

SO. all demons are born with a special kind of semi-immortality (able to be killed but unable die from age) where their lives are connected to a mortal soulmate(s). soulmate in this context has no inherent romantic or sexual connotations; soulmates can be strictly platonic, romantic, sexual, or anything in between. they dont even necessarily have to spend their lives with each other, it's purely the bond and the connections between their lives.

soulmate bonds exist from the moment all parties are alive, but the demon doesn't get the instinct to seek them out until the age of 18. the demon will follow this instinct and once they meet their soulmate(s), their lives will be connected from there on.

if the demon decides not to seek them out for whatever reason, they'll still naturally be drawn to them. however, if by bad luck or purposeful avoidance they dont meet their soulmate(s) by age 50, then they'll just Die. for this reason most dont avoid their soulmates but there are some who choose this lonesome dangerous lifestyle; choosing a set-in-stone 50 year lifespan over one tied to a mortal's lifespan, which could end up being cut short.

if the demon has already met their soulmate(s) before the age of 18, then nothing really changes. they still don't KNOW they're soulmates until they turn 18, and then once they do the connected lives come into effect.

these mortal soulmates have historically been humans, which is what led to the horned human variant coming into existence a long LONGGG time ago. these are different from demon-human hybrids, as over the years they've become their own subspecies. the horned human variant is still considered fully human, just with horns and a tail. this is what c!tommy is, while c!eryn is an actual demon-human hybrid. here's this old chart i made to illustrate the differences:

demon-human hybrids don't have quite as good of a sense for locating their soulmate(s) as full demons; they'll still naturally be drawn to them but won't really be aware of it until the bond has been forged, unlike a full demon.

^ this is all obviously expanded upon from bad and skeppy's canonical soulmate bond btw.

ANYWAYS so that brings us to labduo. (i forgot they were called that btw. awesome) basically they're soulmates, but as per the way this all works, eryn doesnt realize this until they turn 18. and that's when he's like ummmm tommy. i think we're soulmates lol. and tommy is like wot. rlly? ok. and that basically is it LOL. tommy lives with tubbo and ranboo in the future to me, i dont think eryn and tommy would be attached at the hip soulmates. eryn would probably go off on his own adventures and come back every so often to catch up, rest at the benchtrio house, etc. rolewise they're like the distant uncle who randomly shows up from time to time LOL.

when it comes to other hcs for them ummm i dont actually have a lot. i think they figured out they were trans around the same time, like pre-puberty, and that was something that rlly brought them together. eryn tried to cut tommy's hair and it was a disaster. for anything more read this comic i made a while back

for me tommy was just this scrappy kid who showed up at the village stealing bread and shit, until he befriended eryn and was taken in by eryn's mom. ive never given tommy's actual origins much thought, as i dont think it rlly matters to me. the thing thats important is that he was an orphan from a young age. as much as i think the lab stuff can be cool i think i do just imagine him to have had normal parents and. Something happened where he did not have them anymore. young enough where he didnt have memories of them or anything. idk

OH and rq to explain this doodle in the context of all this. its basically just eryn saying that it's a good thing all of tommy's trauma and deaths happened BEFORE their soulmate bond existed or else it would've happened to eryn too lol

thats kind of it...... thank you for your interest...

[sincerely-sofie]

The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits.  It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization. 

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around. 

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing. 

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on! 

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me. 

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did. 

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

[omensgate]

i have been asking tumblr rain world artists everywere would saint and artificers be friends or enemies

big text! ill write it out in plain text because its kind of hard to read:

i have been asking tumblr rain world artists everywere would saint and artificers be friends or enemies

its interesting, isnt it? theyre total opposites (kill everything because youre already damned versus never raise your own hand to ensure your ascension) and they intrigue me. it hinges a lot on if you see artificer as internally tortured or mindlessly violent, and the same for saint if you see them as thoughtful and rational or a closeted maniac (if you might be inclined to see saint as improving artificer or artificer as worsening saint). personally, ive drawn them as enemies twice now, actually, in the artificer in the cold/bald saint comic and the tictoc animatic. the way i personally depict them is; artificer is in a lot of agony by the weight of her own emotions and her inability to cope with what has happened to her. it does not make her a good or reasonable person, but her aggression comes from a major source of pain (which is still not forgivable/justifiable (said because it paints a lot of tone when talking about her), but is interesting). i depict her as frantic and boastful but not flat, its to hide and constantly run from how she feels. saint i write as genuinely wholesome in the sense that it is pursuing enlightenment and little else, there is no hook or malice when it moves (as others might write it as delighting in a heel turn), just a cold detachment from the world, it moves on instinct over thought and is only mildly tapped into whatever happens around it. (and in the end, saint is a less than positive figure with how it sticks to the karma system)

i think a major .. light going off when i think about saint and artificer is how interesting it must be to coax someone to allow themself to be killed in repetition with no end in sight (as artificers karma and scavenger reputation is locked) for religious fulfillment to a goal of no longer being extant. its so delightfully ghoulish, how can you look at someone who has lost everything and demand that they remove even their ability to- at this point- defend themself? and to that goal of no longer being (personally, id write saint as pushing for ascension for all others in counter to how its unable to do so itself; do what ive failed and toiled to do, hysterical from my own struggles. it also certainly seems like a cleaner solution to whatever artificer struggles with than whatever she plans for right now). (i dont think, in rebuttal, artificer would personally sway saint to violence. i dont like to imagine it delights in anything, much less harm. it removes the weight of doing what you must or the inexplicable pull to exert extreme violence upon creatures you dont care about except for your own belief in how you move them)

i did plan a good while ago to make a sort of short comic..? not really comic, interconnected images with dialogue- of artificer (in the background depicting her dying in repetition) bemoaning the futility of pressing forward to gain karma. saint assures her she has to keep moving towards that goal and that it will get better than this. when artificer asks how it can know this, in parallel it shows a frame of saint rising and falling in karma as it heavily dismisses her question- its so interesting, to press for someone to pursue something youve failed at. it has seen that yes, there may be an end, because its seen it and fell back. it cannot admit that it has gotten there because if it did get there it shouldnt be here to assure her. in the end its all the same to keep dying as a mortal and to keep circling as an immortal

to circle back to the start- theyre kind of the same, arent they?

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Which brushes do you use for CSP 😳??

oh i always dreaded this question lmao-

ill be honest and clear cut with yall~

✨I have no idea✨

//wHEEze-

ok lemme explain, [tho if you dont wanna read all this just skip to the images in the end that i posted of my dumb self made and modified brushes] i have always used different mediums in my art~ ive used SAI, Gimp 2, CSP and occasionally Photoshop for the effects, filters and some brushes~ and i almost never remember where i downloaded them from because, first off, they were free anyway and i also almost always change them to fit my style beyond recognition to how they originally looked by default XDDD

MOST of my work is usually with SAI with almost the only brush i use in general for everything [ Inking, Coloring the edges, Shading, Lighting, and most other hand drawn shapes and hatching and etc ] is used with these settings. i never change it because i had years of experimenting to finally be comfortable with these and i will die a painful death if anything happens to my laptop before i could save these settings so i keep it in my art files just in case lmao~ [i do NOT like change and trying new stuff is2g i need therapy-]

HOWEVER when it comes to CSP i have had..... very depressing progress yay :D ... SAI in my experience has been a bit sucky in being able to handle large sizes and layers or anything else and having the possibility of crashing but the way it makes some things easy has been a MIRACLE for my lazy ass, i might have given up art before i ever even started if SAI didn't exist, but as how all EASY things usually are they start lacking in variety after a while, and i realized since one of my friends had bought me a CSP a long time ago, heck i might as well use it and oh my GOD the anxiety it induced ended me up with an IV and several trips to the hospital for injections to calm me down [and potentially temporarily blinding me] im not even joking. i mean yeah i was going through stuff back then that did NOT help my situation in general but the fact that CSP doubled my anxiety cuz i just couldn't draw with it made me have several existential breakdowns where i thought i will never be able to improve my art as a self proclaimed artist anymore because i had gotten so used to only working with what i found PERFECTLY comfortable to my own tastes that im just useless at getting used to anything else... so what happened was that i went on the most violent weekly spree of downloading any brush i could that even resembled REMOTELY to what i wanted- i also searched for brushes on tumblr or google or anywhere else- i watched so many CSP transition videos on youtube my brain was spinning and i was on a rout of self destructive agony to make this WORK. so now i have a bajillion downloaded brushes and all of them have spawned 20 other copies that i have aggressively modified beyond any sort of resemblance to what they used to be- it doesn't help that the file names and the brush names are different so i cant search for them either 😑

but if the brush names could help you in finding them uhhh, heres like.... 1/10th of the brushes i downloaded and modified that i actually did NOT go back and delete because they are fun to have around XD

have fun, //goes to cry in a corner-

[queer-as-used-by-tolkien]

ALFJSKFHSKH I THINK IM GREAT ACTUALLY

Have a story.

So I'm a lonely person yeah. I'm autistic, I talk too much about my special interests, I get ignored. Idk how much of the getting ignored was that specific church being cliquish and how much was the autism, but that's besides the point. I felt for years like the world was against me.

I compressed myself into a box of doing small-talk and asking people about themselves and listening attentively, so as to be palatable to the people around me so maybe one day I'd learn how to fit in well enough and be liked enough to have a friend I could maybe tell about my little fanfictions and headcanons and Bible thoughts. Maybe I'd even get to squeal a little bit.

I met a guy the other week. I was reading a book he'd read like 3x. I was going feral in the group chat (in small doses. he was already a... friend ig... very similar in both personality and interests. so it was like. Ohkay... but can he take the Squeals? Abt a book I know he likes?).

My siblings rolled their eyes at me, as usual. I said fine, I'll go somewhere else. (Didn't want to scare off the new friends anyway. They had smth to react to if they wanted. And. Yikes. I didnt want to lose them.) He steps in later and goes: no! The expression of emotion is good and healthy and in fact repressing it can be bad for you!

THAT TOUCHED ME. Like bro?? Thank you?? I will most certainly continue squealing. (Still not at highest intensity, but that was bc my siblings didn't want spoilers. In fact I did most squealing in in a Tumblr Discord server). but I certainly rewarded that behavior with More Squeals.

That was one thing.

This guy, tho, also thinks deeply. We were talking on one of my favorite books of the Bible - 1 Peter. I did a long study a few months ago that I keep meaning to type into essay format and post here.

It started by me posting a verse in response to a discussion he was having with someone else. He said good verse! And asked some great questions. I went to investigate and there was a LOT to be discovered. I squealed about this. I discussed the logic and such with him. (We are on the same wavelength in some major areas theologically so that helps.)

He asked about my study. I told him. He asked more. I'm sorta ranting now. He occasionally said things like 'continue' or 'amen' or 'I also had thoughts abt this verse' while I went on and on.

Then he went quiet. I went on for about five screens of scrolling before realizing he hadn't said anything in a bit. I shut up INSTANTLY. Apologized. I felt a bit embarrassed that he'd drawn me out of my shell so easily. No- not embarrassed. Vulnerable. Open. We're friends and I was sure he wouldn't. Like. Start hating me over it or not be friends or anything. But it was - idk. Maybe force of habit. He HAD had to make effort to get me to talk that much. But surely 5 screens was too much. I sat there reveling in the feeling of having someone who had taken that effort. Someone who had wanted to listen. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!

He comes back a few minutes later with his OWN walls of text, his own rambling thoughts. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Then he says "don't stop; every text can teach". And then he kept going. I got to see him explore his own thoughts and verses and questions and discoveries. And that was thrilling.

Im DYING. I'M DYING. I RANTED FOR FIVE WHOLE SCREENS AND HE SAID DONT STOP. HE SAID EVERY TEXT CAN TEACH. HE DREW ME OUT OF MY SHELL AND I EXPOSED MYSELF AND MADE MYSELF VULNERABLE AND HE SAW ME. HE SAW ME!! HE REALLY SAW ME AND HE SAID "DONT STOP."

I couldn't even read his other messages, I had to squeal abt that one first.

I didn't want to let him know how much that meant to me. I didn't want to let him know how much I liked seeing his own thoughts. (I didn't want to let him know I liked him.) So instead I squealed out loud and screamed and flailed and went feral in my living room and in my sister's ears, and then in the kitchen in my mother's ears. "You're literally writhing on the ground" she said when I was on my back, half twisted, legs kicking against the wall and moaning. I hadn't even been able to read his walls of text yet, every time I tried I was so overwhelmed by "IM ACTUALLY HAVING A REAL BIBLE STUDY WITH SOMEONE MY AGE, AT MY LEVEL, WHO UNDERSTANDS HALF THE THINGS I THINK." This shouldn't be this rare. AND HE WANTED TO HEAR MY THOUGHTS!!!!

I squealed and screamed and hollered until I was out of squeals and screams and hollers. That took a while. And then ofc I had no squeals and screams and hollers left TO continue, to respond to his "don't stop" with anything like what I'd done before. I couldn't reward him with as many more squeals as I wanted. But we continued talking. It was glorious.

Now, a day or so later, I DO want to go back to ranting and screaming and hollering. But - idk. I'm still afraid. Idk why. He's made a pattern of wanting to hear my squeals. And he asks me thoughtful questions all the time. I just. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

So yeah. I reblogged the "am I being annoying" post 7x times. I am not at all fine but I'm doing GREAT.

"am I being annoying" are you aware that my heart is trying to crawl out of my chest to get to you

[pmbueckers]

— for evermore

01 ‘tis the damn season

⌞and it always leads to you in my hometown⌝ – taylor swift ⋆⁺₊❅.

pairing – paige bueckers x fem oc!dorothea greene

summary – they’ve been at it since highschool, this back and forth, but what happens if and when paige and thea finally realize this hometown situationship might be worth something more?

word count – 3.7k

warnings – idgaf abt punctuation, language

links – masterlist , series masterlist

authors note – find all the information abt this fic with the link above! tried my very best to line it up with the ttds lyrics but giving it my own twist/meaning. it makes sense to me but thats coming from a chronic swiftie so idk if its gonna be confusing for others or not.. pls lmk but be nice lol

dorothea greene pov, december 2023

if i wanted to know who you were hanging with while i was gone i would have asked you 

its been three years since we graduated and no matter how much i told myself the throwing of our caps in the air was it, the symbolic end, i knew myself better than that. i knew her better. i knew us better.

because you can never truly escape paige bueckers.

shes like vines, and once youre in, youre in.

im going home tonight, to celebrate the holidays with my family and hometown friends, but the odds that i dont see her are slim to none. and shes all i can think about as im trying to pack. everything im throwing in my bag, a reminder of her. the shoes she got me for my birthday years ago, my favorite t shirt to sleep in that may or may not be hers. even what im wearing to the goddamn airport, a sweatsuit i bought at the mall of america with her, and a necklace she gave to me before we graduated that i cant muster the strength to give up.

i know i dont mean anything to her anymore, honestly i dont know if i even meant that much to her back then, but i cant help but be conflicted myself, why is it the whole year im fine, “cured” of paige bueckers, but the second it hits december and i know snow is falling back home, i need to be back in hopkins wrapped up in her arms? she probably has someone else by now. no, she definitely has someone else by now. this shouldnt be so hard. i just need to go back home, and not get drawn back in. easier said than done.

im loading all my things into my car, this car, damn we did it in her car too didnt we? see, what did i say? constant. reminders.

its the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass but i felt it when i passed you 

fuck, “snap out of it” i murmur to myself over and over while loading my bags. its not too many bags so im just piling them into my passenger seat as im paying to keep my car parked at the airport while im gone.

i head back up to my apartment to lock it up then im pulling out of my places parking ramp and am on the freeway to the airport, a peaceful car ride, that is till i get a notification that makes my heart jump and car nearly swerve off the road. and i know its abt to begin, im abt to fall back in, but i cant help it.

paige bueckers

Hey

Whats your break schedule

read 6:21 pm

dorothea greene

hi.

ive got the next four weeks of classes off but im only going to be home for abt two.

deciding to only stay home for about two weeks to minimize the amount of damage i can do involving her, but i decide to keep that part out.

Cool

When’s your flight?

in two hours actually

im on the road rn

Don’t crash pls

I prefer you alive

i roll my eyes and let out a little snicker, thankful she cant hear, but typical paige having to sneak at least something in. im glancing up and down from my phone to the road, dont text and drive is repeating in my head in my moms voice, but its paige. the exact reason why im afraid to go home.

funny

Its the truth

So your landing in 6 hrs then?

At 12?

nice math

Alr alr chill 😂

How you getting home from the airport its gonna be late

Prolly like 1 am

yeah ik

thats what ubers are for paige

Nah uh no way

What if its a creep

I’ll come get you

no

i cant ask u to do that

u wont get home till like two

(a lie, im overestimating, but i really wasnt intenting on seeing paige this early on my trip back home.)

U aint askin im offering

Plus I want to

hm yeah right why is that paige

Aint it obvious comon

I miss you Thea.

read 6:43

theres an ache in you put there by the ache in me but if its all the same to you its the same to me 

and just like that, those three words, eight letters. that i so wish were three different ones, eight different letters, ones im sure shes said to someone else, someone new in connecticut. but i cant bother to care about right now because at least i got something, something to show that maybe she still cares a little bit. a little bit about me.

i dont know if this is a mistake, even though i think i do. i know i do. even though i just told myself a couple of hours ago i wasnt going to do this. but hell, going from trying to not see her at all to her being the first person i see is almost comical.

okay.

im going to be in terminal one

gate G20.

Damn was kinda hopin for a diff kinda rsp

Guess that’ll do…

you’re so pushy omg

i miss you too p.

That’s more like it 😊

i hate you sm

Nah

You dont.

read 6:49

paige is right, which she knows. i dont hate her, i never could, and i dont think i ever will. that is what hurts the most. no matter how much i have to remind myself of the routine and how much this will never go anywhere, how her words are empty, only sounding full and meaningful for the week or two we are in the same city, i dont know how to stop. bc its her. its paige. my paige.

the rest of my travel night goes by in a blur, i paid for my car to be parked in the garage, i checked my bags, went through security, waited at the gate, and am now on the plane where i would normally get a nice four hour nap in so the ride would go by quicker, i dont, because i dont know if im prepared to land, to see whos waiting for me once this plane lands in minnesota. but just like that it does, it lands.

thankfully, im seated near the back of the aircraft so i have a little bit more time wasting im able to do, i find myself walking to baggage claim extremely slow its almost comical, praying my bag isnt one of the first ones out, but of course it is. curse you universe. im plotting on how im gonna look lost outside, how i purposefully cant find her car like i have no idea what it looks like, like i dont have her license plate number memorized. like we havent done unspeakable shit in that car, unable to wait a ten minute drive home from a random bar.

that is until i look up from my phone, suspicious because she hasnt texted me about her whereabouts outside yet, and i spot a little ways down the strip of the airport, a strikingly bright blonde head of hair that i would recognize anywhere.

my pace, unbeknownst to me, picks up, and as i get closer i can make out that shes holding up a sign. not huge and flashy, but modest, smaller, she begins to walk towards me as well with what i can make out so far as the biggest grin on her face i have ever seen. that im sure my own face is reflecting. the closer she gets the more clear her sign becomes, it reads, ‘welcome home thea’ as she flips it to the back that says ‘ive missed you most’. at this point ive completely ditched my bags and have just jumped in her arms, a giggling mess. god im a child. my arms are wrapped around her neck, hers around my waist, lifting me up off the floor slightly, breathing into my neck.

a couple of hours ago i said i wasnt going to get drawn back in, now im in the middle of the airport looking like a lovesick idiot. 

so we could call it even you could call me babe for the weekend 'tis the damn season 

“hi baby” she mumbled against my skin and heart just about burst. i missed her so much. i pull back to look at her face, i just want to look at her face, i could forever. with my hands cupping her face. her rosy cheeks from being outside in the minnesota weather all cold, trying to warm her up.

as shes setting me down shes wiping hair out of my face, off of my forehead, looking deep into my eyes with her ocean blue ones, “god i missed you.” she whispered, quiet enough to be heard by just us, like a secret she didnt want anyone around us to hear in fear of it breaking. “so ive heard” i say back to her, moving my face closer to hers, with a smug but playful grin on my lips. and my arms are right back around her neck as im saying into her ear “i missed you too p.” scattering small kisses across the side of her head. on her ear, hairline, neck, temple. i know better. but at this point, theres no going back. and its not on her lips, so what damage is it really doing?

i back away and intertwine my hand with hers while looking into her eyes, “lets go home, k?” i say while nodding my head in encouragement, “okay” she mumbles, while squeezing my hand, and grabbing my bags for me off of the floor. shes perfect, for these next two weeks shes going to be perfect. 

write this down, im stayin at my parents house and the road not taken looks real good now, and it always leads to you in my hometown 

im in her passenger seat, like ive been in drastically different situations many times before, as we’ve finally made it out of the god awful airport pickup zone. ive been day dreaming out this window for who knows how long, about her of course. because when im with her as happy as it makes me, it only confuses me more. and it drives me insane.

thats when i feel her right hand creep up on my thigh from the drivers side in soothing circles, “thea? hey did you hear what i said?” my eyes jerk down to her hand and then towards her eyes. “sorry p, whats up?” because i genuinely did miss her question. but theres some look etched on her face, one i havent seen before, and it makes me take a big gulp of water thats been sitting in her car for possibly ages, as im all of a sudden afraid of what shes gonna say.

her hand continues to rub soothing circles on my thigh while her eyes i swear are staring into the deepest parts of my soul, i should be worried considering shes currently driving on the highway but i cant seem to care, the way she looks at me makes me feel like im the only person in the world. “hey are you okay?” she says sincerely, “what?” i say almost too loudly, “sorry, yeah no im good p”, safe to say that wasnt what i was expecting her to ask. i dont know what i was, but it wasnt that. not something that made her seem like she cares deeper about me than whats on the surface level. actually able to tell when somethings going on with me. whatever, its probably nothing. “alright thea,” as her goddamn hand is almost territorially sitting on my thigh now, like shes trying to protect me from the heat coming out of the ac in the car.

“you never told me where im takin you.” she states, looking at me with her cute but smuggish at the same time grin. “yeah right, sorry, uh im staying with my parents. i’ll send you the address.” i ramble, trying to get this car ride to go by quicker. i swear shes driving slower on purpose. just to see me squirm. i see out of the corner of my eye as im going to send her the address her hand coming up to my phone, shes setting my hands down in my lap, and then turning my chin to face her, “thea. enough with the sorries. and i know were your parents live baby you dont need to send me the address.” she lets out a chuckle, but not one making fun, a light hearted one, as her hand moves to find mine and intertwines our fingers in my lap. but i know paige better than anyone, before we were whatever this is, we were friends, bestfriends. so of course she lets no teasing opportunity pass her by,

“damn,” she says, looking down at my phone, that has our messages open, “legal name as the contact name is lethal” she says, looking up at me with a smirk, i shove her shoulder trying not to give her the satisfaction of a laugh and am then playing with the rings on her fingers. “alright p i would like a better suggestion. your name as your name in my phone makes complete sense to me. now i dont even wanna know what you got me as in yours,” i say with a chuckle, but also leaving it on a hint, i do wanna know. its probably nothing special, but paige is right, anything other than my full name would be special.

“oh really?” shes looking at me with that smirk, god it kills me. shes pulled out her phone and opened it up to my contact, 'thea 💚'. it really seems like nothing special to the blind eye, but it is to me. not even my full first name, my nickname, with a heart that just about makes my own burst. because its not just any, one of my favorite color, that ironically is the same as my last name. no words are exchanged between us. just two pairs of eyes looking deeply into one another, faces with the biggest grins on them, while the rest of the car ride was silent. the center console of her car jabbing into the left side of my rib cage so my head was able to lean on her shoulder with her hand in my lap the whole way home. our hearts beating almost too romantically in sync the whole way to my parents house.

paige, despite what i knew she wanted to do, dropped me off at home. she pulled into my parents driveway with her headlights off, sure to not wake them, and though the door wasnt even twenty feet away, “im still walking you to it” she insisted, while grabbing my bags from the backseat.

i unlocked my front door, placed my bags inside and turned to the tall blonde, looking up into her icy blue eyes. “thank you for getting me p. and bringing me home,” i whispered the last part as i reach up to place my arms around her neck, as her arms find their familiar home around my waist. i couldnt tell you how long we stood there for, swaying lightly, not wanting to let one another go, with my front door wide open letting all the cold minnesota air in. like when i come back home, and let paige back in.

i finally pulled away looking into her eyes, mumbling “but i cant let you in. i want to, but i cant, p.” paige sighs, looking down at our feet, then back at me, “i know baby, its okay.” she spoke while wiping baby hairs away from my face and once again scooping me up in a hug. her breath warm agaisnt the left crevice where my neck and shoulder meet. i want to let her in so bad, but i cant because i know myself. i know her. i know us. and she knows it too. one thing will lead to another. and i need to try to hold out for as long as possible, as much as its killing me.

as paige pulls away she leaves a kiss on my cheek and mumbles, “i’ll see you soon. get some sleep okay?” looking at me with questioning eyes and a raised eyebrow. god shes so cute. “okay.” i breathe out, reaching down to grab both of her hands. till she starts to back away, i find myself trying to hold onto the tips of her fingers for as long as possible as shes whispering goodbye and just like that her car is backing out of the driveway, and im standing under the porch light. alone. i know this scene all too well. we arent in highschool anymore, i have to remind myself, so i turn around and head inside before i overthink our situation, again.

i parkеd my car right between the methodist and thе school that used to be ours

with playlists blasting in my ears, im unpacking my bags in my childhood room, tidying it up because my mom has turned it into her own personal closet while ive been gone, finding little knickknacks that meant everything to me as a kid.

i stumble upon a hopkins basketball sweatshirt on my closet floor, i wonder who that belongs to? a cross on my wall from our communities church event. from the same church i went to every sunday that i would always find myself sitting next to paige at.

and cleaning my bathroom i so luckily have attached to my bedroom, putting away my toiletries, opening a drawer that still has some of her things in it from when she would stay over almost every night, all as im about to get in the shower before i finally try and get some sleep.

thats when my music pauses to signify a ding of a notification. its paige, of course.

paige bueckers

U up?

read 2:13 am

thea 💚

nope

Alr 1 ur mean 2 I thought I told u to sleep

one you love me

two shouldnt u not be textin me then?

Damn u right on both tbh

But nah yk I cant leave u alone

read 2:17am

overthinking is my speciality, but am i doing that right now? because in all of our years of just being friends we expressed our gratitude for one another, but since we’ve been whatever the fuck this is, flirt, hookup, ghost, paige has never even said the words “i like you” to me.

we both know we care so deeply for one another, possibly more, but its complicated. our lives never worked out together that way, never overlapped, so we accepted the mutual heartbreak but kept pushing forward with this toxic cycle anyways because neither of us could bare not having the other in our life anymore.

did she just admit that she loves me? nah. no fucking way. we say shit in playful tones like that all time. oh you love me this you love me that. but shes never admitted it back, not like that. what is going on. god its late, get out of your head thea. play it cool.

yeah ur lowkey annoying

highkey actually

Alr get out

U love me back dw ik

mm debatable 

Ouch

Wyd tmr

i dont know actually

my parents arent awake to make any plans with lol

Oh so I get u first

ok who said that??

You basically 😊

paige madison omg

Hey that reminds me

You change that contact name yet??

that rlly buggin you huh

Maybe

then i might just keep it

Thea istg

alr alr chill i will change it 😂

dorothea greene changed paige bueckers contact to 'paige 💜'

And I will pick u up at noon?

where tf did i agree to that?

Would you rather meet somewhere?

i dont see where i agreed to do anything with you

I want to see you

paige.

you just saw me not even an hour ago

I miss you

you cant possibly

How do you know that

You dont know I feel

I miss you

I miss you

okay will you shut up if i say yes

Um only if nice Thea shows up

okay sorry p 😂😂

Never be sorry

Sooooo I will pick you up tomorrow at noon?

you will pick me up tomorrow at noon.

Goodnight baby sleep well

Actually sleep please

read 2:35

that damn petname, nickname, whatever it is it fucking kills me and she probably has no idea. no she definitely knows and thats why she uses it.

thank god she cant see my face right now because its full blown red, completely embarrassed post screaming my lungs out into my pillow.

i will

goodnight p

see u tmr.

i just snickered to myself after sending paige those last texts. almost shameful of myself. i dont know what im doing. or maybe i do? i think its safe to say my winter break is gonna go different than i planned, but the same way as it always been whenever i dare to mix myself with paige bueckers and my hometown.

the next chapter will be finishing out the lyrics of ttds (in blue) which will be linked in the masterlist once finished! - im gonna try and make this into a full blown series incorporating other songs from the album 'evermore' going back in time as well to give some background information on their relationship, etc. we'll see how it goes...

reminder: my box is open for all requests ⋆˙⟡

[mbat]

i keep remembering a doctor who fic i was gonna write a few months ago but idk if ill ever actually get around to it so im just gonna talk about it real quick

the conception came from me thinking about 10s run, as usual. 10 is kinda the best doctor and thats not even a secret, but im biased for... a few reasons lol

but i was thinking about the end of his run, after he no longer had any of his constant companions. especially the mars episode. i was thinking about him playing god, and how much i loved it. but it didnt get to last long. and i know it would never last long, because its doctor who.

doctor who being this episodic long-running show is a blessing and a curse. and them insisting that the doctor always be good and smart and stuff is also a blessing and a curse.

but anyway, i wanted to lean into the playing god thing.

and funny enough, around this time, i had a dream that had the doctor in it, and the dream was coherent enough to transform it into the plot of the first 'episode' (chapter) of the fic.

i wanted to make the fic limited, as in, it was only going to have 10 or less chapters. each chapter was basically going to be an episode, seemingly contained, but obviously with an overall plot going on that maybe wasnt so obvious at first.

the first chapter is set at a birthday party. why the doctor is there i dont actually remember because i did not write it down in my notes, but the point is that the doctor is there. btw in this the doctor is a woman because its my fanfic and thats obviously a thing that can happen in canon. the doctor like JUST regenerated btw.

at this party, something is off. the birthday girl, by the way theyre all adults here he isnt just at some random kids party, is acting weird, at least, according to everyone else at the party. they all keep saying something is weird with her, but no one does anything about it. after the doctor has done some poking around, the birthday girls mom comes up to her and accuses her of having something to do with why her daughter isnt right, since the doctor is being just as suspicious in this womans eyes

the mom is so stressed, however, that she has to leave, so she isnt there long lol

anyway the doctor figures out that the girl was replaced with a changeling type thing, and when the real girl is found again, shes like 'wtf why is the only person who bothered to find me this absolute stranger?' so when she finds out that the doctor is someone who can travel anywhere anytime, she runs off with her.

outwardly, this girl is very chill and seemingly happy and silly. but over the course of the fic, where episode after episode they run into these situations where the bad guys have a point (but are going about it all wrong,) it shows how much she was hiding within, and how much she was full of resentment and was ready to be cruel because the world had been cruel to her.

in her final chapter, she gets the chance to play god of sorts. an alien possesses her because its drawn to her emotions because honestly its doctor who and shit like that just happens, and it gives her powers that let her take her feelings out on others while the alien saps her of her life like a parasite. she uses this power to trap the doctor, because the doctor is the only one around and has been a voice of reason opposed to her irrational (but understandable) feelings, and shes sick of it, sick of everything.

the doctor has to fight her own companion, and save her at the same time, and save herself from the weird nightmare-ish place that this all takes place in.

because of the whole, yknow, life force sucking thing, the companion is completely exhausted and needs to rest after. these two, if they were sane and normal, would talk about what happened and maybe talk out whats wrong, but they... dont.

the doctor simply says that she will take this character anywhere, anywhere she wants at all, said in a way that says 'lets try going somewhere nice and relaxing and hope it works. i hope it can help you'

the companion, however, simply says she wants to go home. she doesnt say it, but she thinks its time she stops running away from what hurt her, and probably go just get therapy. the doctor does not deny her, and takes her home.

as shes exiting the tardis for the last time, the both of them say sorry to eachother in that sortve rushed simultanenous thing. yknow what?im just gonna exact quote from my notes

"“ill take you anywhere you want, anywhere at all.” the doctor said.

“home. i think its time i finally just... go home.” the companion replied, barely above a whisper.

“of course.”

(time skip to when theyre back at her home)

“im sorry-” they both said simultaneously, looking at eachother for the final time.

“you deserve better.” the doctor entered the TARDIS, and began to close the door behind her. But it didnt close all the way.

The companions hand was holding it open just a crack as she said “you do too.” and let it go. (the fucked up part is that the doctor does try to have better… by playing god.)"

(dont mind the scattered capitalization and stuff, again this is just notes and not a written fic)

so yeah after this the doctor is fucked up, of course, and a mixture of what just happened, and all the stuff that happened before with meeting people who had good points but were going about it all wrong, and honestly just the doctors entire fucked up existence, she kiiinda breaks a little, just for now.

the next place she goes, she goes alone. i actually did not write any notes about this part somehow lol. the point is wherever she ends up, she ends up playing god, taking out her suffering on the poor mfs that she ended up with, but still similar to the mars water episode where she was doing what she thought would be a good thing even though it debatably wasnt, again i didnt write down any details about this part so its up in the air

probably the most controversial part of the fic because i know its a trope that people seem to hate, but i wanted it to end with the doctor becoming human. i personally think the 'powerful character becomes something else less powerful at the end for whatever reasons' trope walks a fine line and can be done wrong and can be kinda annoying but idk i mean

the doctor loves humanity. this is canon. the doctor cant seem to get enough of humanity. the doctor has been through so much, has gone everywhere and seen everything, and has loved so much and lost so much. but the doctor always loved humans.

and after a life like that, and after everything that happened, its basically like retirement lol. living this long, exciting life, and settling down somewhere you always wanted to be, and getting to live the rest of your days in peace (well, as peaceful as the next like 50 or so years of being human could be. 50 or so because the doctor is usually played by someone in their 30s yknow how it is)

and yeah idk lol i thought it would be fun. also all the places theyd go would be in the future and alien planets and stuff because its sci fi and im not a history person very much, especially not someone who wants to try to write historical stuff and then get it horribly wrong because all i did was read the wiki page or something LOL plus i could be way more creative coming up with stuff that doesnt actually exist and didnt happen yknow

so thats the fic idea i had that i probably maybe wont write but i still wish i could, i just keep... not writing or drawing anything lately (which SUCKS btw) and i figured if i get around to anything it probably wont be this sadly

[vintagedoctor]

Fuck it we ball. Imma share my oc cuz i love all of them and i wanna explain everything abt them

i dont have a name for them yet sadly but i got a pretty good image of what they look like and the lore and all that and yeah... typical oc creation stuff.

so we all know i love plague doctors. i mean my pfp is a plague doctor (its a retraced steve (from owl house) art but with one of my ocs) and my username is pun on plague doctors and uhh i repost plague doctor stuff. so i love them. i cant explain why i love them so much. like ive thought abt it and i genuinely cant tell anyone why. i honestly think they look cool and mysterious and thats it.

my oc, as im calling them rn, is just "VD" which is my username abbreviated. its serving me rn but i know i should come up with an actual name. im thinking something like Vyn or Doctor Vyn or smth but honestly nothing fits. its *my character* ya know? so thats why im struggling on the name. but VD serves me just fine for now

bc im shit at drawing i use any oc maker at my disposal. at first it was picrews then it was minecraft skins, then it was heroforge, and now im making them in baldurs gate 3 character creator

so now, to introduce VD, either drawn as a half elf or tiefling, depending on how im feeling and what version character im using (ill get to that later)

heres what i think is the base version (in baldurs gate ofc) believe me id have put a plage doctor mask on them if i could

thats like the good version, ig. a paladin who is chaotic good and just wants the best for everyone but doesnt mind commiting some crimes to get there. i love them and is usually the character i make for video games since its closest to who i am. pretty easy to rp.

heres the basic versions for minecraft. i mentioned exploring the design thru minecraft skins so ill be showing them too. also im pretty proud of them. the second one is not a purple villager but instead a plague doctor mask. the second skin has tons of lore attached to it, actually. (and yes im ashamed to say minecraft rp lore too... that was a phase)

you can see there will be similar choices between all of them... uhh.. i love the color purple. i put purple in every thing i build because i love it and i cannot explain why. just like i cannot explain why i love plague doctors, i love purple. so yes every character will have some purple on them. i love purple

this version of VD is usually the avatar i use for everything. however that character branched off to a minecraft rp character (oh god.. yep)

this is canon VD... like *that* minecraft server. i was like 16 so everything from this server is gonna be a bit cringe. but this version of VD, who ill call cult VD, for reasons explained later, has much more of a explored personality. they are kind, helpful, naive, and also have a connection with an ancient elderitch diety that takes the form of a demon horse. i should probably explain that servers lore at some point huh? i honestly do just to get some closure from that server.

cult VD starts worshipping this deity, as anyone else would do right, which leads to the cult moniker. on that minecraft server, i always carried an axe as my weapon, so i like to imagine cult VD has a battleaxe as their main weapon of choice. this heroforge is old, before i decided to make VD a half elf / tiefling so thats why the ears arent pointy and theres no horns. but we will get to that. this naive version of VD eventually breaks out of the control of this elderitch deity but is still haunted by it for the rest of their life.

above is the picrew for this version of VD, which does have horns and pointy ears because i made this much later. yeah i know a jacket over a breastplate makes no sense but the picrew let me do it so i did it. (i made this a while ago so i dont remember my uh artistic choices)

VD during the possession had their own minecraft skin (cuz ofc they did, silly me)

this is definitely not inspired by anything. nope nope. its all original. dont @ me lol. i liked this skin. i think its pretty simple and screams of minecraft smp with "lore". it speaks of a simpler time ig. if this was dnd character, theyd be a devotion paladin. i think devotion to an evil god could be very interesting tbh. i havent been able to explore that yet but its smth to put out there.

oh heres some actual original art i did for cult VD. very nice :D

im still pretty proud of this, knowing i cant draw for shit and i did this like two years ago when i sucked even more at drawing.

this here is a little sketch of cult VD under some math work back in junior year of highschool i think? this is the first time i actually was pretty proud of my art. the expression and the hands and the axe all looked really good. i like it a lot.

i think of this character as priest vd or cult vd. i like having corrupt preist characters. its so cool. like that one line from hells coming with me. oh god i made an animatic with that line and i could not get the animation right. "I am the righteous hand of god. I am the devil you forgot." that line is like the backbone of who the character is. only thing is the character had run its course way before i discovered the song. yeah cult vd is like hells coming with me, the pitiful children (from jeremys perspective), and rule 4 - fish in a birdcage. ya know, trauma. i love trauma :D (for my fictional characters ofc ofc omg)

if i ever make a breakdown of my first minecraft server "lore", then anyone can see im gonna skip two iterations and move onto uh.. how do i put this lightly. uh... revenant VD?

IM NOT COPYING ANYONE I SWEAR OMG! or atleast.. i didnt mean to... its gonna get pretty obvious soon that i took much creative liberties from a certain minecraft server during the pandemic.

anyways my favorite version of VD because how much i could do with them. oh revenant VD is so fun. :D

revenant VD is the edgy, dark version but has tons of potential. thats why i love them so much. i used to associate them with hayloft II but not anymore actually. i think little pistol, laplaces angel, two birds, maybe what could have been, and saint bernard. being edgy for the sake of edgy isnt good characterization but angst for a reason is smth i love. they hate everyone bcuz the world has consistently treated them like shit and so the only way to actually cope with it sensibly was to treat others like shit back. but a variant of revenant vd i love is when they r crazily evil. like maniac and murderious. i just eat that shit up omg i love it so much. i got that religious trauma, the betrayal trauma, and the trust issues for them. i got it all omg i love this character so much. i can do so much with them so i think thats why i love them so much.

heres an idea of how they look. its pretty similar to how cult vd looks but more wild ig?

around this time my art started getting more coherent

i like this one. idk the face came out really well and it kinda shows how i wanted them to be. these were all sketches in notebooks during school when i was bored. i eventually got a sketchbook but thats further down the timeline

heres the heroforge for revenant VD. i loved the trenchcoat idea and the blood on the mask never going away. i remember watching someone in my middle school theatre class perform that one monologue from macbeth where the lady starts going crazy over the blood never washing away from her hands. this was a long time ago but it stuck with me. i really liked that symbolism of the blood still on her hands and how it means guilt of her crime. it was so cool. i ruined it by making it magical blood that never came off bc revenant was cursed when they initially died; edgy for the sake of it, which i previously said isnt a good place for a character. i think ive refined the design further but its lost in notebook margins and scraps of paper. such a shame.

revenant VD i like to think is associated with death in some way. maybe being an undead and filled with rage at the circumstances of their death, or being a proponent of death, like a reaper. i like those ideas. i actually made that concept

this is in my sketchbook. i think one of the first things i drew in it. i love that sketchbook. i love scythes, both the two handed and one handed ones. i think they work perfectly with plague doctor reaper characters.

one thing i associate with the modern version of revenant is like a apostle of myrkul transformation in baldurs gate 3. this ofc is if revenant takes on a more antagonistic role instead of being a pc. i love that boss fight and really think sometine like it could fit with my little revenant vd.

i think revenant vd would actually be many things. first obviously oathbreaker paladin but thats obvious. i was also thinking phantom rogue for all the allusions to death. they could also be an undead warlock. if i were to play smth similar to revenant vd in dnd, id make a phantom rogue undead warlock multiclass. i think it works surprisingly well actually. i could ask the dm to have my patron (death) collect soul trinkets like reaping souls on a regular basis and each long rest i need to consume one of them to keep alive.

oh yeah thats something else i really want to explore with this character. because they are undead i want to explore their need to consume life to keep alive. in minecraft i played around with the idea of them needing to break totems of undying every once in a while but honestly that was because i had a totem farm and too many totems for my shulker box. but the idea of them needing to consume some form of sacred life to keep their undeath is something i love and want to play around with.

anyways revenant VD is my most versatile character. idk how an evil character can do so much but they can. i love them so much.

the last character that originated in the minecraft server and one im still working on is doctor VD or Doctor Vyn.

i just want some appreciation for the second variant which i never got to use at all. i had to find it on my minecraft launcher instead on namemc because i never used it. i just love it but no one appreciated it. :( the undone tie im still so proud of

i just put this in cuz its so gender omg i love it sm :D

i just made this heroforge cuz i didnt have one. i never got to properly explore this character idea so its the one i keep trying to bring back. i think actually exploring the doctor part in plague doctor so thats why this iteration just keeps haunting me.

i think this iteration would be either an alchemist or artilerist artificer. this iteration was the last character i made for the minecraft server and it didnt go well. they were burnt out from the chaos they caused while serving death ig and just wanted to settle and research why they were able to come back. it was called "death research" and i had so many plans in minecraft. i should make a post about my ideas for the servers afterlife and stuff. its rough but i was trying. and def had no inspirations from that one minecraft server that everyone knew about.

this is the start of my descent into doctor madness. god i made so many ocs that r just doctors. i had variations of the artificer doctor and a rogue and i just went crazy. its still a character i want to play, ya know actually going into the doctor part of plague doctor. for now imma put a pin in the doctor research thingy and move onto season 2 of the server.

yes we had a season 2.

it had much less people than the first season and ran a couple months shorter than season 1. "lore" never started, not like how it was in s1. back then i was really disappointed but looking with hindsight, im glad it never got off the ground. we tried so many things. omg. but ill go over those later.

first: my character. i called them winterhold VD.

heres the skin i used for winterhold vd. i previously changed the mask color for a minecraft skin i barely used and so i did it here and it looks good. i think this skin looks more coherent than the ones from season 1.

heres winterhold vd with a little silly xmas hat. honestly playing in a snowy area while it was winter was really fun. it doesnt snow where i live so i kinda got that aesthetic in minecraft. it was honestly perfect. i loved building in the snowy patches and having large campfires and light sources to melt away the snow to clear paths. it was practical but also fed into our citys story.

anyways lastly we have the heroforge. i love this heroforge. somehow i managed to perfect replicate how the minecraft skin looked using the limited clothes in heroforge. the scythe makes an appearance for something explained later

i love this season a lot bc we had an actual theme. my group lived ontop a massive snowy mountain, almost like a plateau and i built viking like structures. it was so fun. the main "plot point" i remember was that we struggled with food for so long. we took over the village on the plateau and the farms were so sparse. there were like 4 of us that needed to be fed. oh also before we even got to the food problem, we had to fend off others since everyone wanted the mountain view. anyways, we had barely any food. i took charge and started growing lines of potatoes and wheat. if u dont know, in minecraft, growing crops in alternating lines actually make them grow faster. i cleared out a large patch in the middle of the village and spent days farming potatoes and wheat. i loved how the scythe ties that part of winterholds story in. we went from barely surviving and needing to jump off the mountainside to our dooms to refill our hunger to having a full chest of yummy potatoes. when we got access to the nether roof, my friend made her famous porkchop farm and we had even more food. it was such a good story from the actual gameplay and not planned at all.

but i had to ruin it, ofc.

i loved the story of us growing from nothing to a thriving nordic city so i decided to take it a step further. i thought it could be interesting if VD wanted more. they became obsessed with excess. they never wanted to run out of resources ever again. they started building more farms. more and more. farms we really didnt need, like a massive cactus farm and more crop fields. it was so much and we barely had any space to store any of it. finally VD asked their friend to expand the farms and build an industrial district far from winterhold. it was so far that the ice highway we built still took around 2 mins to get there. in that area my friend and i tried to build every farm imaginable. we got nowhere close. but it was definitely fun.

i really wanted to be the evil capitalist, something akin to how outer worlds is described in the fine print. but i never got anywhere close. that lore never shot off.

this server was in 1.19 so i really wanted to do something with sculk. so i started.. uh sculk research. this is going back to the doctor oc. i cleared out an ancient city and start slowly renovating the center out - i never got further than in the center structure. i was really proud of the little lab i made in the redstone area. it had test chambers and a library and a desk area. all pretty standard for a lab right? VD really wanted to study what sculk is and how it works. i as the person making the story and everything, kinda had nothing to go off of. sculk was completely fictional and original. (genuinely good job mojang). i had the minecraft "lore" vids from retrogamingnow and game theory but like i wasnt gonna copy those was i? i really wanted to do smth with the big portal in the center of the ancient city and sculk as a power source (i forgot which channel came up with that). i thought it could be cool if VD discovered how to open the portal and it led to the universe from s1. (yeah that multiversal shit everyone was tired of by 2023) but i really wanted to try it. it got nowhere. i had plans where the portal would open and revenant vd would step out, looking into the fresh new world to cause more carnage.

this is the skin i had planned for the whole thing. i have an alt acc i wanted to control along side my main acc. with hindsight, this would have been impossible to do to the scale i wanted. thats why this never got anywhere. i think this is where i realized i never fully got over revenant VD. this is a feeling that wont really go away.

we finally get the last iteration, as of now, of VD. it gets to be less of a character and more of just a persona for the current minecraft im playing on. i got tired of the doctor aesthetic and but still wanted to "research" so i created a wizard. honestly i just wanted an excuse to build with purple blocks. after some revisions, which are sadly public on my namemc profile i landed on

i love this skin. i wanted my whole aesthetic to be questionably evil. my base *looks* like it can be evil but the inside looks cozy and bright. theres an evil basement but nothing sinister has happened, yet. i dont think anything sinister is going to happen.

im taking a route closer to hermitcraft than rp servers. they make an aesthetic, build by it, maybe change their skin, and have fun rp moments. i like how simple that is. impulse, gem, grian, scar, and mumbo are all good examples of this. as of now, im tired of minecraft rp like i had it before. honestly ttrpgs are much better suited for this or just straight up acting. i will miss those angst moments and making skins for each "phase" of my character but the trend is dead and my friends are tired. the current server has been really clean of serious minecraft rp. its just been us fucking around for the most part. i dont want that to change. at this point im actively shutting down any attempts for serious rp. this is minecraft, we are friends, and we dont need to pretend to hate each other. it made keeping the actual friend ships hard. we barely scripted anything so everything was improv. BIG mistake first of all. but also that meant i had to come up with conflicts and deal with conflict while staying in character. i couldnt do it. it broke me and im glad im not doing something like that ever again.

anyways that that got deep. now i wanna quickly go thru some honorable mentions. personas im proud of but didnt need a whole section dedicated to them. oo boy, time to scroll thru my minecraft launcher

first up my desert cleric skin

i really like this one. i used in a minecraft event where we were all trapped in a big desert and had to make a village. it was my first minecraft event for that youtuber and i think i really killed the character. i made a temple and farmed potatoes for the people. food was hard to get and potatoes are easiest thing to farm. i was a "peace loving, pun slinging, potato farming person, definitely not copied from anyone else" i slowly became a favorite in the village, mostly bc it took a while to farm the potatoes and distribute them. im really proud of the muted purple mask, matching the purple robe. i tried it with my usual bright purple but it just didnt look right. this muted purple fits into the muted tones of the desert really well.

well now shoutout to the 1.19 update cuz

this one i love also. it kinda inspired the whole sculk corruption thing i was going for. i wore this skin sometimes but i could never find a fit for it. i guess i had it when 1.19 came out and was exploring it but outside of that and maybe "lore" it has no other use. ig other than looking cool. cuz it looks really cool.

oh god ok i do want to talk abt this one cuz i think its cool but oh god im gonna really make the furry alegations get worse

this was a skin i made for an origins server my friends had when that was popular. i was the origin "felvaxian" from the origins ++ mod. really good mod but holy shit was the felvaxian op. it was flavored to be a mix between a cat and crow but the naming scheme made no sense. i think it was an original idea, which.. like yeah made sense. it was so op but so fun. i had like a constant 9 block jump, took no fall damage, had an invisible elytra, the inventory from the shulker origin, constant night vision, and when i crouched i went completely invis. the only downsides was that i was a carnivore and i hungered quicker. we fixed that with a porkchop farm very quickly. but i loved the origin and that server dearly. i made a cat tree for a base. it was the perfect height off the ground where my jump could make it but no one else could get on. only other origins with movement abilities could make it which was very interesting. i actually was so happy with the design i made a heroforge of it

like winterhold vd, i was pretty proud of how this came out. it looked exactly like the skin. i later modded the pack to show the wings and get rid of the ugly filter, making this my perfect origin. i just love it too much.

uh next up has nothing to do any story or anything, i just wanted to show it off

im kenough

(if i couldnt get the actual sweater, i had to atleast get a minecraft version of it)

now to get festive. im just gonna show all these at once since theyre my festive skins

anyways happy halloween in summer, heh

ok tumblr is yelling at me because i reached the picture limit. so ill just make a part two. dang tumblr. i didnt know there was a photo limit. so uh yeah see ya in part 2

[solardick]

Happy BS day. Its valentines. I’m not allowed knowing love. Because god’s an asshole. And enjoys fucken with me. And it’s always ever going to be just me. And know that in dying. I dont care anymore. That stupid girl they always talking about is going to be there. Today, yay! My lung hurts. Smoke another ciggarette.

Wonder whys the dovstor arw going to say when i ask to be euthanized. Just send me a guy already so i can spend the rest of my short life being fucked. Like i have been since my first memory. And Since im never going to add anything to life. And for the first tome this year theres the semblance of winter. Its only ten degrees warmer than it should be today and not 20.

Oh and the girl is gone. Wonder who’s gonna replace her.

Yay for being punished all fucken day. Get the fuck out of my way.

And fuck tarot im done. All y’all fo id give me the oppositre of what i create and my intent. Fuck this rapist culture. Soend tbe rest of my short life gaming and hetting drunk. An dmy dragon image in now trash.

Not allowed being healthy others control my life. Wonder what having independance from malicious influences. Something id like to experiemce before i die. Ive never been. Maybe one day. Ill go. Lol.

I nailed it in that dragon image though. My perfect reflection. And the tower crumbles. Everytime.

Mmmnn i can feel it. Serpent. Its stirring. And after fetting hit in the face with a box. Fuck this. Im done. Fuck all of you. Go sit in the corner and wait.

Souffy, fuck off pls.

And… uh, maybe she realized she was in love with me. And could no longer stay. It was a nice two step dance we did though. Was fun. Bye luv. Maybe one day.

It’s always sexual. I have a very lovable image. I just be me. I always get fucked over. But circumstances won’t allow. Im locked down. Man. And they won’t leave me be. I left my family what eight years ago now. Haven’t had any peace pressence has always been there. … born in hell. I dint know what else to say.

Well you know what they say. Gotta poor your sexuality into something else. Like making love to god. Or jesus. Or blogging indiscriminately, unfiltered. It has to be raw. Or. Not at all. When uou have nothign good to say you sys nothing at all. Maybe in. Fairy tail ‘bout being saved by thee glorious father.

Maybe her boifriend, will show up and beat me up. Because she flirted to spite. Spite. Yeah, yeah. That word, works well. Think im being framed up again? Probably.

Hahah. Ugh. I mean. Im pretty celibate. So its usually from the opposing parties. Thats how it started. Even down near 6-8 yr’old. If its coming from women, its either a good desire that would play out right if present corcumstnaves werent treating me lije a marionnette or there wasn’t amole amounts of violent carnage preventing any act forward. Or its a dirty desire. And im turned off. And do the morally good thing. Ethically may be skitchy. The couple times it did. Treatment and marionnette and all that. Not in a healthy state of being. And thats beside the while line up of scripted ones. There to be serpents. Other people serpents. The white ones with the crow.

Where do you want me to step? Here?

Uh, ok. The added script. Strength from mother to the “king” the child as self. Mother to child. Leo. And death. A parental bond with mother. One showing trust and support. Missing piece to the script. My own, fuck her. Man. I cant do it. There’s nothing there. And for as long as im nothing but tred, i couldn’t afford to care even if i wanted to.

Now to see of i camt find something to watch that isnt predomiantly gay, or gradually drawn into being. Risky stuff. I live dangerously.

Like tomorrow war, where the threat is actually the russians. With there symbolic connection to man and the machine vs. Women and temptation. Gotta fight the good fight. It had monsters and russians in it. I should have known better. In godzilla it was what the Chinese? God sake. Gotta keep my uranus in sag occupied. Uh?

I soent what 20 years in a hole. Not being a part of the system. And then as soon as i do. “Covid”happens. Yeah, ok? Where the real world? I dont think ive met it yet.

Anyway. Crazy bs aside. Im grateful she left. Better pay, closer to home. Can’t go wrong. Even though she hurt me in two ways. Knowing that she wasn’t there to get in my way today. Was awesome. And the good feeling remains. The Dove and the Dragon. The dove, a portent to positive experience. This land is populates by too many crows though. The most dominate species here. Only in the spring and summer are they mostly chased away. Creating a loop of conditional experience. That of using the the functioning increases of solar energy to overcoming the negative association to growth. Its not at all different that the tv. Of fighting monsters and such. Except that there’s not an overlaying fabricated script over nature. And this function is towards the means of reproduction and establishing a suitable nesting home.

In high populated city zones, the natural is all but lacking. Amd the mass lives within a bubble of conditioning. Which cost millions of lives to make possible. While claiming peace on earth. Though millions of lives doesn’t seem so consequential considering the what now, eight billion?

Twisted metal does seem promising. Thanks justin.

No, it’s just sneaky. It hook punches you.

Well guess im goving up media. And going back to the wind.

Well y’all could give some hearts if your going to stock me anonymously. But no. Only the bad stuff.

[farfromharry]

The angel and the devil | Eddie Munson fic

Summary: The two of you met at a halloween costume in polar opposite outfits. What started as Eddie being a gentleman and helping out a drunk girl, turned into a rapidly blooming crush. He believed it to be one sided after he thought you were avoiding him, but you were falling hard too, just too shy to admit to the guy you nearly puked on that he was kind of cute. 

Word count - 9463

Warnings - lots of mentions of throwing up, language, talks of drinking

a/n i dont really like how i ended this but it was the best i could come up with. this man has had me a chokehold for nearly two weeks now 😭

━━━━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━━━━

Eddie wasn’t one to usually go to parties, let alone parties thrown by people on a different level of social popularity than him, which was most; almost all, but when he was invited to a Halloween party by none other than Steve Harrington, he felt obligated. After all the shit that went down in Hawkins with Vecna just a short while ago, he and Steve had gotten to know each other pretty well. They saved each other’s lives more than once, and had become, he might even say, friends. That was part of the reason he didn’t feel like he could turn down the invitation to the party.

Regardless of his concerns he showed up anyway, in a poorly thrown together devil costume that people probably expected him to show up in. A dark red button up, black jeans and some plastic horns? That was good enough for him. What else would Eddie Munson be for Halloween? If anything he was only reinforcing the belief he was actually part of a cult, but that was part of his charm around Hawkins. If he could terrorize the insufferable members of the basketball team with one simple look, then what was the harm in the rumour, really?

He hadn’t been there long when he swore he fell in love. The first time he saw you that night, you were halfway across the room with some friends, dressed in the cutest little angel costume he had ever seen. He thought it was quite ironic, he dressed as the devil, you as an angel. You looked like an angel in your own right though, the way you laughed at someone’s joke, the smile that was almost permanently planted on your face. God he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

He probably looked creepy, standing in the kitchen, looking through the crowd of people right at you; but he couldn’t help himself. All those people and he felt as though you were the only one he could see. He just felt drawn to you, but you probably didn’t even know his name. If you were friends with Steve then he could pretty much guarantee it, hell Harrington only knew his name because he had to learn it in a life or death situation. And on the off chance that you did know him, you probably knew him as the freak. 

He wished he had the courage to go over there and talk to you. From the minimal, and he means very minimal, interactions you had had with each other over the years, you seemed like a really sweet girl. But the fact you were surrounded by so many of your friends just made the idea all the more terrifying. That isn’t to say he’d have the balls to ask you out if you were alone either. 

In retrospect, if he wanted to ask you out tonight, or maybe ask you to dance, he should have done it sooner rather than later, because now you were stumbling into the kitchen after one too many drinks, looking for something to sober you up. Not that there were any drinks in the entire kitchen that weren’t filled with alcohol.

That was when you found Eddie, leaning against the counter, not so subtly watching you over the rim of his solo cup. After you caught him you apparently just couldn’t keep your mouth shut. He was cute, even cuter when his cheeks flushed after realising he had been caught staring. He didn’t think you would approach, he thought maybe after the glance his way you would rush off or just ignore him, but that didn’t happen.

You stumbled over your own feet when you made your way over to him, slipping past a few people who were getting themselves drinks. “You were staring,” you muttered, stating the obvious. He laughed nervously, nodding his head as he made a short routine out of looking to the ground bashfully, then back up to your face, and back to the ground again. On the spot he tried to come up with something he could say as an excuse. He didn’t have the kind of confidence a lot of Hawkin’s students did to just come out and say he was mesmerised by you. “I, uh– I like your halo,” he stuttered, motioning to the shitty, makeshift halo that sat on your head. It had been thrown together last minute with a random headband and some glue you found, simple yet effective for your costume. Which is why you didn’t really believe that was his reasoning, but you let it slide, you didn’t care all that much. 

You reciprocated the compliment. “I like these,” you said, raising your hand to his head to mess with the plastic that sat, now tangled, in his curly mane. When you took in his full costume it actually made you giggle, you fucking giggled. Eddie preached it was the sweetest noise he had ever heard, and if he wasn’t falling head over heels before then he was now. He was falling hard. “Oh cool, a devil. And ‘m an angel, s’like we were meant to be, huh?”

He didn’t say anything, fuck, he didn’t know what to say, staring at you like a fish out of water. He knew you didn’t mean that in the way he would have liked you to, but his heart didn’t know that. “You’re Eddie,” you muttered, lightly jabbing your finger into the middle of his chest as though you were proving a point, also bringing him back from his thoughts. He nodded, a little taken off guard that you actually knew his name.

He couldn’t help it though, a small grin split on his face at how cute you were. “That I am. And you’re drunk.” 

You chuckled, nodding your head. “That. I. am,” you teased, slinging your arms around his neck. It was more so a balance thing than anything else. You couldn’t seem to stop your body from swaying and you didn’t want to fall on your face right in the middle of a party; that would have been painfully embarrassing. And if Eddie minded your touch he didn’t complain. “I never see you at parties,” you observed, a small crease appearing between your eyebrows as they furrowed. 

He was so close to your face that he could actually see each crease and tiny detail of your skin, his breath hitching in his throat after he consciously realised the proximity. His hands lifted to settle on your waist after a few seconds of contemplating it, seeing it the most efficient way to help you keep your balance. “‘M never usually invited,” he answered. 

You seemed to study him closely for a few minutes before you spoke again, having changed the subject entirely. “Are you really in a cult?” you slurred, glazed eyes staring up at him wide, full of curiosity. He chuckled, thankful you probably wouldn’t remember the flush on his cheeks after tonight. “No, I’m not.” He may have enjoyed that rumour when it came to teasing the basketball goonies, but with you he felt like he could be honest; plus he didn’t think you were going to remember much of this interaction anyway by tomorrow. 

There was a sudden twist in your features that had concern bubbling in his chest, his head ducking a little bit to catch your gaze that had fallen to some place over his shoulder. “Y’okay?”

You shook your head, pulling back from him a little bit as your stomach churned. “Think ‘m gonna be sick,” you muttered, forcing his eyes to widen. He certainly couldn’t let you throw up where you were in the middle of the kitchen surrounded by people. He jumped into action quickly, as calmly yet hastily as he could, he guided you to the nearest bathroom, assuring you you would make it in time and be okay. 

Thankfully he was right, and within minutes he was holding your hair back out of your face as you threw up from all the alcohol you had ingested during the night. At some point when you started to sober up a little, you became more conscious of the hand stroking your back and the presence behind you. A groan slipped past your lips as you sat back on your feet, under the belief that you were finally done. 

“Feel any better?” he asked.

The two of you shuffled until you were sitting across from each other on the bathroom floor, knees brushing every now and then from the closeness. The more you thought about it the more mortified you were to think you just spewed your guts in front of Eddie Munson. “No,” you whined, clutching your stomach for dear life. “I’m sorry you had to see that, that must have been so unattractive.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Sweetheart, you don’t feel good. The least important thing right now is looking attractive.” Your eyes locked with his wide puppy ones and you felt something turn in your stomach that wasn’t the alcohol this time. Sweetheart. Oh.

Never once had you thought about the boy that way, in all the years you had known of him, but apparently one single night was changing all of that. You never realised quite how charming he could be. He would say he wasn’t, he didn’t have a way with ladies at all. He was a huge nerd and ‘the town freak’, and neither of those things are exactly considered chick magnets. But maybe he didn’t need any flirting ability or a special way with women to press the right buttons, him being his sweet self was doing that for him. 

The bliss of your thoughts didn’t last long before the uncomfortable feeling was back in your stomach, your nose scrunching from the discomfort. “What’s wrong?” Eddie questioned, reaching forward to place a hand on your knee. The simple touch was like the catalyst, your body spinning as you barely made it back over the toilet again. Even with your discomfort, one of the thoughts that was now plaguing your mind was that you nearly threw up on Eddie, how were you supposed to live that down? You could’ve even sworn you saw the fear in his eyes where he thought you were going to. How you wished the ground would open and swallow you whole.

You were very surprised he was still sitting in the bathroom with you when you were done for the second time. “You don’t have to stay. I’ll be fine.”

If you thought he was sweet before, he was certainly continuing to rack up the brownie points with you now. “No. I want to make sure you’re okay.” Your heart fluttered, but you didn’t get long to think on it before you were bracing yourself again. 

Coming into the party tonight you certainly never would have expected to be spending a lot of your night in Steve Harrington’s bathroom with Eddie Munson, especially while you were throwing up. Heck you wouldn’t have even expected to be in the same room as Eddie at all; but now you wouldn’t have had it any other way. You actually would have liked to have spent more time with him afterwards, not in a bathroom puking of course, but that was only if you could muster up the courage to face him again after almost spewing your guts all over his attempt at a devil costume. 

»»——⍟——««

Having to head to work the day after a booming Halloween party felt like some sort of penance for an evil deed you didn’t commit. Your head was pounding, stomach occasionally still churning and every possible light was too bright. The issue was that you couldn’t just wear sunglasses inside all day while you did your job, but there were too many lights in the store to stop your head from throbbing for more than thirty seconds. 

When you walked through the door of the video store, Steve spotted you, grinning like a maniac at the state of you. Usually you were pretty well put together, but today your hair was a mess, face dull, sunglasses on and you were much more delayed in your movements. Oh yeah he could tell you had a bad hangover, but just because you were friends didn’t mean he had to approach you with caution for the day. “Good morning, my favourite co-worker!” he called loudly, relishing in the way you winced at the volume of his voice. 

There was a cough that could be heard from behind him, and when he turned his head he saw a very unimpressed Robin watching him. He realised his mistake, but he actually jumped at the opportunity to torment you again. “Sorry,” he muttered to the girl. “Good morning, to one half of my joint favourite co-workers!” 

This time around you let out a loud groan as you reached the counter, crouching down so you could rest your head against the cool surface. “Steve, shut up.” You heard him laughing at your misery, leaving you to blindly swing your arms until they collided with his body, silently punishing him for being an asshole.

“Shouldn’t have gotten so drunk the night before a work day,” he teased, shrugging his shoulders as though he was entirely innocent in this situation. Like he wasn’t the one who threw the party in the first place, and actually supplied you with all the drinks. “It was your party, dickwad. And I swear you had more drinks than I did, how are you not dead?” 

You finally raised your head from the counter and the cocky look on his face made you want to hit him before he even spoke. “You see, I have this thing called a tolerance. Which is where–” You scoffed, rolling your eyes before you walked away, leaving him to finish his sentence without an audience. Even though you did sneak into the back room to get away from Steve, it was also to soak up the last few minutes of silence and a calm atmosphere before you officially opened for the day and were met with a wave of noisy customers. 

It really was no time at all to get yourself together before Robin was forcing you back out to the front with a fake smile planted on your face. You had to at least look a tiny bit alive to greet and help customers, even if that felt impossible at the moment. 

To your luck, there weren't many people filtering in and out of the store, meaning it was pretty chill. Robin was manning the counter in case anyone did come up wanting to rent, and you and Steve were stacking the shelves with new releases, making light conversation as you did so. Occasionally Robin would contribute, but for the most part she was stuck watching some random movie she decided to put on. One of the perks of working at a video store you supposed. 

“So, where did you disappear to last night? One minute you were there, then you were gone. No one knew where you were,” he said, bringing up the memories of your time with Eddie. The ones you had been trying to suppress for various reasons. You considered not telling him, or making something up, but you weren’t a brilliant liar and the man knew you too well to not suspect you. 

“Please don’t make me talk about it,” you whined, your face scrunching up in distaste at the embarrassment you still felt. It only intrigued Steve more though. 

“What could have happened that has you so mortified?” he asked, placing a hand on his hip sassily as he turned his full attention to you, leaving the videos unattended and unfinished on the shelf. If you had an embarrassing story to share then he definitely wanted to hear it. He also would never let you hear the end of it, and you knew that, but he also wouldn’t let this go until he got the story. It was a lose/lose situation for you really. 

You groaned, a groan that was meant to be in your head but just so happened to be out loud instead. “I nearly threw up on a guy in the bathroom,” you said simply. You didn’t particularly want to relive the memory, but it was obvious Steve was going to make you do exactly that because he believed your story was much too vague. He was a sucker for details. 

“What guy?”

Your whisper of the culprit’s name was too quiet for your friend to hear, so he made an obnoxious ‘huh’ sound in true Steve fashion and basically forced you to speak up. “It was Eddie Munson,” you stated, keeping your voice low just in case anyone was around and eavesdropping. Steve’s teasing you could deal with it, but if anyone else found out, especially one of the kids he was friends with? Oh you truly would not be able to handle it. 

He seemed shocked, wide eyed as a thousand thoughts swam in his head. “Eddie?” he questioned. You nodded your head, hiding your features behind your hands as embarrassment racked your body. “Eddie Munson? Really?”

“Yes, really, Steve.”

“Well, tell me everything.”

You rolled your eyes, setting down the video that was in your hand so you could turn to face him. Now neither of you were doing the jobs you were supposed to be doing. It probably wouldn’t be a very good look to your boss but thankfully he was rarely ever here to see it anyway. You internally decided it would be easier to tell Steve the most basic rendition of the events of the prior night. He didn’t need to know about the pet name Eddie threw out there, and he certainly didn’t need to know how it made you feel– or rethink every thought you ever had about the metal head. “I was heading to sober up, found him in your kitchen, we got to talking about our matching costumes– He was a devil, I was an angel,” you clarified for him. “And then I ran to the bathroom, and, viola.”

“So, he went with you? To watch you throw up?” he checked.

You huffed at the weird implications he was trying to imply. “Just because you wouldn’t help a drunk girl who needed to throw up, doesn’t mean everyone wouldn’t. Some people are gentlemen, Steve.”

His eyebrows raised and his face split into a grin, the warning sign that what was about to follow was not going to be very pleasant for you. “Oh, so you think Munson’s a gentleman now?” He had never once in his entire time of knowing you heard you mention Eddie for any reason, not even to jump on the bandwagon of making fun of him like most of Steve’s buddies had done over the years. So he thought it was ironic that the first time you did, it was only a few short weeks after he had befriended him. If that wasn’t the universe telling him to meddle then he didn’t know what was. 

“Shut up,” you muttered, swatting his arm. You had been hitting him a lot today it felt like, but he earned it. “H-He’s sweet.” That was the safest compliment you could throw out there, not wanting your friend to catch on to the feeling of butterflies in your stomach that appeared when you thought about Eddie for too long. Specifically thinking about his kind smile. But the flustered aroma surrounding you might have given that away without words. “Now can we move on, maybe do our jobs?”

He studied your face for a few more seconds until you turned your head away from him, not liking the harsh stare he was imposing on you. It felt like he was trying to look into your soul and you hated it. Eventually he gave in, raising both his hands in defeat. “Alright, alright. Whatever you want.” But deep down he was already plotting. 

»»——⍟——««

When Steve planned to meddle, he planned hard. You were none the wiser of what he was doing, but the sneaky bastard kept inviting both you and Eddie to the same place; telling neither of you he was doing so, to try and get you to talk. Though his plan was severely failing on the you-side. Eddie, who knew part of the plan as he was often persuaded to go places with the promise you’d be there, was actually eager to talk to you again.

It had been days since the Halloween party, and you had seen Eddie on a handful of occasions. Had you spoken to him once though? Nope. You were definitely avoiding him, and the hurt look on his face every time you saw him and dashed from somewhere, told you he knew as well. You felt bad, you did, but you couldn’t stand to face him if he were to bring up the events of the party. 

One day you knew you would have no choice but to talk to him again, you couldn’t avoid him forever. In such a small town that would have been physically impossible. But you didn’t think the day in question would have been today. When he showed up at your work there was literally anywhere for you to escape to.

The bell above the door was what indicated your arrival, your eyes jumping in the direction to see who entered. “Oh, shit,” you cursed, whipping your body around so your back was to the door, silently praying that Eddie didn’t recognise you. Upon hearing your curse Steve’s interest was piqued, his eyes following every inch of the scene. “What’s wrong?” the brunette teased, biting back a smile as he watched you freak. Oh he knew full well what was wrong, he was the one who went out of his way to drop by the Munson’s trailer this morning to tell him you would be working all day. “Eddie’s here,” you whined. 

Steve faked a gasp, the over exaggeration bringing you to roll your eyes as you tried to busy yourself. But to your dismay there was nothing for you to do. At least until Steve spoke up and you thought you might have had a shot at escaping a highly awkward encounter with Eddie.

“I think our customers need a little assistance,” he said, glancing between Eddie and the elderly woman who looked to be struggling to even read the movie titles on the video cases. 

“You take him, I take the old lady?” you suggested, already heading in her general direction. Steve chuckled, shaking his head before setting his hands on your shoulders. He turned you around, pushing you in the opposing direction with some force. At times like this you really wished you were a thousand times stronger than him, or maybe just a lot more stubborn. If you knew how to properly stand your ground then you would be well on your way to assisting the old woman by now. 

As you moved to head away from Eddie, you noted Steve was walking backwards towards your other customer, amusement sparkling in his eyes. You glared. “Steve, don’t you dare,” you whisper-yelled, shaking your head as you watched him come close enough to the woman that she noticed his presence. Within seconds she was asking him a hundred questions, the man’s bright grin never leaving his face as his scheme was set into motion. You threw your head back with a quiet groan before getting yourself together to go and talk to Eddie. 

When you turned on your heel to face him you caught him staring, the boy’s eyes widening as he quickly turned his head to face the other direction. Even from that angle you could see the blush that had fallen on his cheeks at the fact he’d been caught; just like the night of the party all over again. You got yourself together, giving yourself a quick pep talk before heading over to him; he was conveniently in the romance section. 

“Hi,” you greeted, simply. 

He turned to look at you and something you couldn’t make out flashed behind his eyes. “Hi. I was just, uh, looking for a movie to watch.” He pointed to the stack of shelves he was standing in front of, as well as the random VHS that was in his hands which he had just picked up on a limb as he saw you approach. He didn’t want you to yet again think he was some creep, though he really needed to get better at lying if he was going to continue to do it. 

You held back a laugh, nodding your head. “Yeah that’s what people usually do at video stores.” You wished you could have taken a picture of the look on his face when the realisation hit him. His mouth had been working a thousand times faster than his brain, so he didn’t know what he was saying before he said it. Thankfully you saved him from the pain of trying to dig himself out of that deeply embarrassing hole. “Didn’t take you for a romance kind of guy though.” 

“You’d be surprised. G-Given the chance I could woo your pants off like one of these romance guys.” He watched your features contort, his heart sinking into his stomach now he realised how dumb that sounded.

“Oh, that was terrible,” you cringed. “Did you get that from Steve?” You were sure that had worked for Harrington before, but it wasn’t the line itself that usually did it for him and the ladies. The women under this town were under some sort of spell with him, and his overconfidence really helped sell the show too. But Eddie had neither of those, stuttering through a pick up line meant it really didn’t have the same effect.

Eddie looked like he’d seen a ghost, a wave of humiliation hitting him full force at the thought of having ruined his shot with you by being a douche. You saw his eyes flicker over your shoulder in a nervous glance, nothing but a noise coming out of his mouth as his brain tried to come up with something to tell you. When you followed his gaze you watched as Steve’s hands dropped to his sides, the man trying to act natural and like he wasn’t saying something to the poor boy in front of you.

“W-Was it really that bad?” he asked.

You laughed, nodding your head. “It was so bad.” The sound of your sweet laughter gave him hope that he hadn’t completely messed up though. To him it sounded like amused laughter, not patronising laughter. He’d heard enough of that in his years to know the difference. The atmosphere quickly grew uncomfortable, and there was a clear shift in the conversation.

“I’m sorry, I just—“ he paused, inhaling sharply as he decided to lay it all out for you. “I really wanted to impress you. At the party I thought you looked so beautiful, a-and I think I got a bit of a crush,” he admitted. “But every time I’ve tried to talk to you since… you just walk away.” It was clear that what you had been doing was wounding him, and part of you knew that all along, but now it was presented to you right from the source, you felt guilty.

This was your chance to finally get yourself an answer. To find out if he’d been thinking about your near miss accident as much as you had. “I was embarrassed,” you muttered. The furrow in his brow felt like a good sign.

“About what?” 

Your eyes bulged. “I nearly threw up on you.” 

“When?” 

You scoffed. All that worrying you had been doing and the boy didn’t even remember. Or if he did, he didn’t care. “You really don’t remember?” you questioned. He shook his head, lifting a metaphorical weight off of your shoulders. It felt like you could relax for the first time in days when you thought about him. It was actually a pleasant feeling. “Well that makes me feel so much better actually.” 

The obvious tension that surrounded you both seemed to subside, the two of you gazing at each other with soft smiles. “So I didn’t completely mess up?” he asked. You shook your head. “Not at all. I actually really enjoyed talking with you the other night, even though we were in a bathroom.”

It looked like something clicked in him from that moment, his features lighting up and his posture straightening out, although it seemed he was looking anywhere but you. “Well, in that case, I was wondering–” When his eyes met yours he was ready to chicken out. Eddie Munson had never asked a girl out in his life, and he never even considered asking one out that was as enchanting as he found you. To say he was scared shitless right now would be an understatement. 

You got the gist of what he was probably going to ask, but the longer it took for him to spit out the words, the more worried you got that he’d changed his mind halfway through speaking. So, you did it yourself, removing the pressure from him. “Would you like to go out with me sometime, Eddie?”

You watched him let out a breath of relief, shoulders sagging again and a grateful grin splitting on his face. “I’d love to.”

»»——⍟——««

The night of your date had finally arrived and you were so nervous. You had spent the entire day stressing over every tiny detail, even the ones you couldn’t control. Both Robin and Steve had been driven crazy the whole time after you invited them over for their help and reassuring words. To be fair, you were driving them crazy too though.

You must have shown them six different outfits you could wear at this point, each one pretty much the same as the last. You had messed with your hair, whining to Robin about how it just didn’t look right, even though she assured you it was perfect. Then came the issue of makeup, all of which Steve seemed to complain he didn’t understand. He never cared about any of these things when he was going on dates with girls. But maybe that was just him.

“Y/N, he likes you, he isn’t going to care,” Steve said, believing he was making the situation better. That only made you feel worse, throwing yourself face first down onto your bed, groaning about how nothing was going to go right and you had made such an effort only to have one of your good friends throw it right back in your face like it was nothing. Robin scolded him, slapping his arm as the two whisper-yelled to each other in the hopes you wouldn’t hear them; but you did.

“Steve’s a dick, don’t listen to him. You look good, and Eddie’s gonna think you look good too,” she said, hand rubbing over the expanse of your back in a comforting gesture.

You lifted your head from where you’d buried it, glancing at your friend with a hopeful expression in your eyes. “Really?” you asked, earning a nod from her. “You look smokin’, he’s lucky to be getting this time with you,” she said.

As you moved to thank her your eyes caught the clock on your night stand, eyes growing wide at the fact he’d be showing up in no less than half an hour and you still didn’t have an outfit selected. Your friends saw the way your face contorted into fear, ushering you up from your bed so they could get you together and ready in enough time. And although Steve’s previous attempt at a pep talk had gone horribly, this time around he was calming you down just fine.

It felt like almost no time had passed when you heard the expected knock on the door. Robin had picked the perfect thing for you to wear, your hair looked good, and you felt beautiful. Part of you wouldn’t ever admit you were dressing to try and impress some boy, so the fact you felt so pretty was good enough for you.

With one last reminder that you could do this, you pulled open the door. “Hi,” you said, standing shyly on your doorstep. At first he just looked at you blankly, and you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do. You shifted a little awkwardly on your feet before turning to send a glance to Nancy and Steve. They didn’t help, just offered you a thumb’s up as it looked like Eddie finally came back to reality. “W-Wow, hi. You look beautiful.”

Your skin burned hot at the compliment, and you took in how he looked standing there. The jeans had no rips on them for a change, though he still had his tell tale chain dangling from the material. His shirt wasn’t any familiar band tee that he usually wore, but instead replaced with a white button up that showcased the effort he had put into looking good for this date. Not that he needed to put much effort in to look good. His many rings still adorned his fingers, and his hair looked a little more tamed, though it was clear he had been messing with it. “You clean up well, Munson.”

You saw his cheeks flush and it was the cutest thing, unable to bite back the smile that crept upon your face. “Shall we head out?” he asked. You tried to hide your excitement as you nodded, but you probably looked incredibly eager anyway. As you tugged the door closed you heard Steve and Robin muttering about ‘how they grow up so fast’ leaving you to sneak your hand through the gap to flash them a middle finger before you really left.

Even though the walk from your front door to where his car was parked at the end of your driveway was short, that didn’t stop him from shyly lacing your fingers together to lead the way, the feeling of his warm palm sliding across yours making your heart race. How did a guy you only really noticed for the first time, maybe a week ago, have such a hold on your heart already? He was magical.

You were snapped from your gaze when you felt his touch leave you, a little sad if you were being honest, but that was replaced with yet another flurry of butterflies at his next actions. “M’lady,” he said, pulling open the passenger door for you. You climbed in with a grin, thanking him for the gesture. “Thank you, kind sir.”

He swore he fell even more in love right then.

You had exactly two seconds to gather your thoughts before he was climbing in the driver’s side, and then your eyes were on him. This could have been the only chance you got to really study his features; when he literally couldn’t remove his eyes from the road. The more you looked at him, the more handsome he seemed to become. Though a lot of people hated the hair, it suited him well, you couldn’t imagine him without it; it was just so him. The way each strand curled perfectly, how it framed his face. You noticed every so often it’d get caught in his eyes, but he must have been so used to it that it didn’t bother him. With a quick shake of his head it’d be fixed.

His eyes, oh they were so enchanting. They had been one of the main things that sent you haywire when you looked at him. They were like a void, just a space you could so easily get lost in if you looked long enough. But they were dangerous, one glance from those puppy eyes would have you bending at his will in seconds.

You didn’t get to look at him for as long as you would have liked. He’d realised you weren’t saying anything, and when he glanced over you were just staring, in some sort of trance. But the expression on your face was too blank, too unreadable. “You ready, sweetheart?” he asked, softly, wondering if the silence was you changing your mind. There was that nickname again. The one that made you feel all fuzzy inside in a way you didn’t think you could describe with words. “So ready.”

The ride to your mystery location was pleasant. It was filled with chatter between the two of you and the sound of music through the tape in the player. It was some metal band that you weren’t really too fond of, but whatever made him happy. Conversation seemed so easy with him, so effortless, and you found yourself not wanting the night to end already and you hadn’t even left the van yet.

At first you didn’t know where he was going, driving down unfamiliar roads and heading in a direction you didn’t recognise. “Where are we going?” you eventually asked. You partially trusted him, but it was dawning on you how little you actually knew him. Going to an unfamiliar place with a man you didn’t know all that well probably wasn’t the best idea, but it was a bit late for second thoughts now. He glanced over briefly at the sound of your voice. “It’s a surprise. Trust me, I know a place.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, but settled back into the surprisingly comfortable passenger seat of the van. Another ten or so minutes passed by before the roads got darker, shrouded with trees and away from almost any civilization. It was like that for a little until the engine cut off, your eyes scoured your surroundings seeing he’d brought you to a clearing in the woods. Given the secluded location you felt like you had to ask the question plaguing your mind. “You aren’t about to murder me, right?” you asked, half-joking, half-actually-serious.

He laughed, shaking his head. “No, I’m not. I thought you believed me when I told you I wasn’t in a cult.”

You rolled your eyes. “‘S pretty easy to deny. ‘Oh are you in a cult?’ No.” You shrugged to emphasise your little show, hearing him chuckling to himself as he stepped out of the van. “See, easy. How do you know I’m not in a cult?” you questioned him as he pulled open your door for you again.

The grin on his face was positively precious, and the easy banter between you must have eased up his anxieties a little bit. His hand raised to lightly brush his thumb and pointer finger against your chin. “You’re too cute to be in a cult.”

You scoffed, eyes trailing his figure as he headed over to the sliding door on his van. “And you’re not? Munson you, so, aren’t the badass everyone thinks you are.” His eyes flickered over to you, his head cocking and the corner of his mouth curling up as if he was amused with what you were saying. “Oh really?” he queried. You nodded your head. “What am I then?”

“Deep down, you’re a big softie.” He didn’t protest what you were saying at all. He wasn’t like one of these egotistical freaks that felt they had to keep up a reputation. If you thought he was a softie it was because he was a huge softie for you, and he didn’t care who knew it. “Only for you, sweetheart.”

The look of utter adoration on your face was hard for him to ignore, he desperately wanted to let it go to his ego, but he couldn’t.

You cleared your throat when the initial flood of cloudiness subsided. “So, what’s in store for us?”

The smile on his face didn’t give anything away, other than the fact that whatever it was he was proud of. Your eyes followed his movements as he tugged open the sliding door, holding his arms out to showcase the inside of the van. It wasn’t at all what you expected. You were met with an adorable sight. He’d set the inside up like a bed, a mattress crammed in, some pillows and a couple blankets for you both. He’d even gone as far to add some fairy lights to brighten the place up, and you had to admit it did make it feel more romantic. “I, uh, I thought we could watch the stars. No one ever comes out here so—“ He trailed off when it looked like he remembered something else. You watched him lean into the van, doing who knows what before the soft sound of music started to play inside the vehicle. “And there’s music, and some food.”

When he turned to look at you he noted the frown on your lips, taking it as a sign he had gone way too over the top or maybe let your expectations down. He felt the need to suddenly apologise. “I know it’s probably not what you expected, but I—“ You cut him off with the touch of your fingertips on his cheek, turning his head to face you. Those puppy eyes of his seemed to widen when they realised how close you both had gotten, he wasn’t expecting to almost brush noses with you when he looked in your direction. “It’s perfect, Eddie. No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.”

For a moment his eyes flickered between your gaze and your lips, weighing out the pros and cons of leaning in and kissing you right now. But once again at the last minute he chickened out, leaving you a little disappointed if you were being completely honest. You didn’t say anything though, putting it down to the poor man’s nerves. “‘M glad,” he muttered.

He offered out his hand to help you climb into the back. Truly he didn’t need to, it wasn’t difficult to get into, but he felt like that was what guys should do on dates. You took a seat on the shockingly soft mattress, crossing your legs over one another as you waited for him to join you. When he finally did he let out a sigh, offering you a grin.

“So, what’s on the menu, chef?”

He stretched his arm behind him, bringing to your view a familiar looking box. It was from the pizza place that you were practically obsessed with. You would basically force Steve and Robin to order from there every time you hung out at your house. “Pizza for the lovely lady.” It was like he knew you were suspicious of him the second you saw the box, your eyes narrowing in his direction as you lifted the lid to find exactly what kind you expected.

“Who told you?”

He shrugged shyly. He had never put this much effort into anything, not even D&D or his band, especially not a person. So he didn’t really know how to act nonchalant about the reaction he was getting. He was quickly realising he loved the tiny twinkles of joy in your eyes every time he did something that made you weak in the knees. “I may have had a little talk with Harrington.”

“You sneaky bastard.”

He reached back behind him a second time, this time drinks were dangling from the grip of his fingers. “And I got beer.”

It didn’t take either of you long to dig in, especially seeing as you couldn’t shut up about how good the pizza was for at least five minutes before you started eating. Eventually he had taken to basically shoving a piece into your hand and then up to your mouth, laughing about how if you love it so much you should actually eat some. Once again conversation flowed smoothly between you, talking about your friends and how Eddie had managed to become friends. He left out the obvious crazy monsters bit, you were on a need to know basis, so it was pretty much all a lie.

You hadn’t been on that many dates in your time, the boys in Hawkins were grade-a-assholes ninety-percent of the time, but you could say wholeheartedly that this was the greatest one you had ever had. It might have been the only one you truly enjoyed. Eddie just had this thing about him that you couldn’t pinpoint, but it made him so easily likeable. You understand how Steve, a rather judgemental friend actually, could come to befriend him so fast. He was nothing like his reputation stated.

After you ate the boy shifted his position, taking to lying on his back with his head practically hanging out of the van. It actually gave him a perfect view of the stars. He patted the space beside him as he motioned for you to do the same. You didn’t hesitate, following his lead and realising that in fact the view was beautiful. “Wow.”

“Wow, indeed,” he muttered. His stare basically burned holes into your cheek, and with an eye roll you turned your head to the side to face him. You caught his eye and his smile only grew.

“Is this one of the ‘romance guy’ clichés you know?” you teased.

He could’ve died right there on the spot thinking about that moment in the video store again. It certainly hadn’t been one of his best moments, and he wanted to move on from this topic very very quickly. “Just shut up and look at the stars.”

You must have spent hours gazing up at the sky, having Eddie point out what he said were various constellations, only to later come clean that he was lying out of his ass. It made you laugh nearly hysterically, the beer getting to your head a little. But all he’d been doing in his lies was trying to get that kind of reaction out of you. He’d found that in such a short time he’d quickly come to adore the sound of your laughter.

“Do you actually know any constellations?” you asked, grinning from ear to ear as you turned your head to look at him. The smile on his face was unmatched, and you’d argue that his eyes twinkled more than every star in the sky did.

His confession came with a slightly scrunched nose and red-twinged cheeks. “Nope. I’m repeating my senior for the third time, d’you really think I paid enough attention in school to learn about the stars?” he laughed.

“Fair play.” The words died on your tongue as your eyes locked, feeling like the biggest movie cliché was playing out in front of you. It would have been funny to point out how painfully ironic it was if you weren’t stuck in some lovesick trance. You tried to make it obvious that you were eyeing his lips, and you thought you had, but he didn’t seem to be making any first move.

Again, like back in the store, you felt you needed to make the first move or it would never happen. “Eddie,” you whispered, gaze unfaltering as you stared into those large doe eyes. You could and certainly had gotten lost in them, they were just so mesmerising. They held so much emotion in them, so many unsaid things that you were desperate to hear. He didn’t say anything, didn’t want to ruin the perfect little bubble you had found yourselves in, instead he just hummed as quietly as he could. “Please, kiss me.”

Now that he knew you wanted him to, he didn’t waste another second, leaning forward to finally meet your lips for the first time. He couldn’t help but note you tasted like beer and the coconut chapstick he watched you apply earlier, his new favourite combination he thought to himself. You were thinking the same, though he tasted like beer and a faint taste of weed. A strange two things to enjoy the taste of, but it was just so him.

As your lip-lock grew more intense he shifted again, rolling onto his side so he could get a better hold of you. He rested on his elbow, his other hand, the one with the chunky rings on, cradling your cheek gently, like you were made out of porcelain or something.

Your arms had found themselves snaking around his neck, wanting to desperately pull him closer to you. However, with that brought the tickling sensation of his hair hitting your skin, forcing you to part from him to let out the laughter that was building up. At first he didn’t know what was going on, a smile growing on his face nonetheless at the joy written all over your face. But you could tell he was confused. “Your hair… it’s tickling me,” you managed to get out through laughs.

To hear more of the angelic sound, he shook his hair against you, laughing with you as you called for him to knock it off.

When the laughter died down the two of you were left laying side by side, grinning like idiots at the ceiling of his van. The joy of just a few minutes ago was very much still present, neither of you spoke for a bit, just enjoyed the happy aura that engulfed you in your silence. That was until Eddie spoke up to break the silence, saying the four words you had been dreading all night. “We should head back.”

He heard you whine but unfortunately you couldn’t stay. “Steve’ll have my head if I don’t bring you back tonight. Or I would say we stay in a heartbeat.” The knowledge that he wanted to stay with you longer made your heart happy, and made you more willing to agree to heading home. He was right when he said Steve would be on him, because you knew if you had a phone with you right now he probably would have been blowing it up like your mom.

“Yeah, you’re right. We should do this again though some time.” You barely got your sentence out when he was leaning in to steal another quick kiss from your lips. For the first time since the party, when you looked at him he didn’t look nervous to have done something so bold. “Absolutely.”

»»——⍟——««

The drive home, though just as pleasant as the drive there, held a different atmosphere than it had before. Your hands were locked over the console, stealing glances at each other when you didn’t think the other was looking. It all felt so… blissful; natural. It was a feeling you hadn’t felt with any other boy you knew. You didn’t even need to communicate to know you both felt the exact same way.

When he turned the corner to your street you felt your heart sink a little bit, you really weren’t ready to leave him just yet. But you didn’t have much of a choice when the vehicle came to a stop at the end of your driveway. Eddie watched you pout, thinking it was the cutest thing. “Walk me to my door?” you asked, trying to grasp any extra time you could spend with him. He agreed instantly.

He caught you off guard when you got out of the van, where he was sweeping you into his arms, his lips capturing yours. It made your head swirl, giving you a sort of drunken sensation from just his kiss. “If you keep doing that, I dunno how you expect me to leave you.” His lips curled into a smile against yours, teeth clashing for a second which forced the two of you to pull away. “Maybe that’s my plan.”

You rolled your eyes, he was the one that wanted to take you home so he didn’t have to deal with Steve’s wrath, now he was proposing other ideas. “Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun,” you told him genuinely, twirling a strand of his curly hair around your fingers. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Me too. You’re not as bad as I thought you’d be, Y/L/N.”

“Asshole,” you chuckled, hitting his shoulder with the heel of your hand. You heard him laugh as you stepped past him, eyes set on the entrance of your home. You had barely made it a few steps closer to your front door before he was spinning you back around, his hands firmly planted on your waist. He too didn’t want this night to end, and if he had to stall you at your doorstep until the sun rose, he absolutely would.

“Okay, okay. But jus’ think, this all started because you make a really beautiful angel,” he murmured, brushing the tip of his nose against yours affectionately. He watched the smile bloom on your face, his heart fluttering. “You make a pretty hot devil, too.”

His lips were once again on yours, a feeling you had started to really enjoy since the first time it happened. You hoped it would have been happening a lot more from this point too. He pulled back at the feeling of a stare burning into him, his brow furrowing as he searched for the culprit. You saw his gaze flicker behind you, focusing on something for a second before he looked back to you. “Y’know they’re watching us through the window right?” he muttered. You audibly groaned, rolling your eyes as you leaned your head forward to dick it into his chest. “They’re insufferable.”

It was mere seconds before you heard the click of the door, followed by hasty, heavy footsteps that could only be from Steve. You pulled away from Eddie to stand beside him, still keeping close proximity, but just so you could see your friend. “Dude, what the hell? I told you to have her home by ten. It’s nearly three am!” he yelled. Robin sent you a sorry look over his shoulder. It looked like she had tried to keep him inside when they had heard the van pull up, but obviously wasn't very successful. And he clearly had no regard for your poor neighbours.

“You didn’t specify, I thought you meant ten am,” he teased, twisting his wrist so the clock face of the watch that decorated it was facing up towards him. “And in that case I actually brought her back early.” He looked over to you and flashed you a wink. You had to stifle a laugh so Steve didn’t turn to yell at you too.

The Harrington boy’s anger could be felt even from the distance you were at, and despite the lack of light you were sure you could see a vein popping out of his face too. “Don’t get smart with me Munson, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

With a sigh you took a step in front of Eddie, acting sort of as a human shield if your friend decided to take his little charade as far as that. “Okay, momma bear, calm down.” He looked almost offended that you weren’t taking his side. “Let’s not forget you lose every fight you participate in. Please don’t embarrass yourself more.”

Steve scoffed, his mouth gaping at you. You could hear Eddie laughing behind you, as well as Robin giggling behind her hand so your friend didn’t hear her. “I beat Billy the other year,” he tried. You pursed your lips, cocking your head as if to ask really? Surely he didn’t believe that. The look made him give in. “Okay, fine. I didn’t beat Hargove. I could take Eddie though.”

You took the time to size them both up, looking at Steve’s build compared to your dates. They were both pretty similar, but Eddie had a make believe hard exterior, and chunky rings donning his fingers, Steve didn’t have any of that advantage. He was pretty much all talk. “Yeah… no. Sorry, Stevie.”

“Y’know what?” he said, resting his hands on his hips as the infamous motherly side of the man appeared to your eyes. “Inside.” He pointed to the front door with his finger, forcing you to bite back a laugh as he tried to treat you like one of the kids he was always babysitting. “Now, missy.”

“Yes, mom,” you sighed, turning over your shoulder to glance at Eddie as you started stepping closer to Steve. You blew him a teasing kiss, holding your hand up to your ear in an imitation of a phone. “Call me, Munson.” With the promise that he would, you scurried inside with Robin, leaving the two males to sort their issues out together, as you recounted the entire night to your best friend starting with one word to sum it all up. Magical.

[meruz]

once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous) 

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury​ Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL. 

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool​ UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close. 

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually  that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

[keingleichgewicht]

WERE YOU KIDDING ABOUT THE ASK GAME if not i dont have any specific lyrics in mind but i always thought the lyrics to the mill were so cool and maybe you could get some thoughts out of them? :0

YEAH GOD OKAY LET’S TALK ABOUT THE MILL. LET’S TALK ABOUT UHHHHHHHHH [THROWS DARTBOARD]

this line. this MIGHT go on for a while so i will............  readmore

so the mill feels kind of notably different to the rest of the pafl songs, which tend to be unusually literal for lyric, either straightforward retellings of events (punch it, punk!) or character piece monologues set to plot visuals (strike 3) or both (all of them, but for instance particularly comfort zone, which is just dmitry’s horrible manifesto until it gets hijacked by a death sentence in the second verse.) the mill is a lot more like what we expect from poetry these days, which is to say it’s heavy on imagery, low on clarity, and fucking confusing!

I’ll draw a circle in the sand, drive myself around the bend in a desperate attempt to hold on to your battered hand Rocked to sleep beneath the snow, she is bathed in youthful glow ‘Strong enough to let it go,’ he says, but darling, I don’t know

a lot of the mill is about circles. this is in the name: a mill is something which turns. a waterwheel is a circle, a grindstone is a circle. it’s even in the melody: the chorus is a cyclic, pentatonic four-note riff that keeps going up and down and up its own ladder, chasing its own tail, not really reaching resolution. and then it’s also in, you know, the story:

the meat grinder!!!! everyone’s favorite fucking hellhole!!!! it is only semi-explicitly identified in the song but that’s because it’s a concept from the source material - both tarkovsky’s stalker and roadside picnic feature the meat-grinder, as a location nicknamed thus by stalkers because it is even more fucking deadly than the rest of the zone, all of which is already ridiculously fucking deadly, and if you’ve seen the movie:

it is more or less instantly recognizable in the mill as well. so here we have a circle! here we have a mill (the title has about seventy double meanings but this is certainly one of them,) and as it turns out, this mill at least will absolutely kill you. and horribly too. interestingly though, in roadside picnic (the book) the meat-grinder is not a tunnel, and it’s not round - it’s just a nondescript patch of ground which will wring you out like a dishcloth and kill you extremely dead if you walk into it. on the other hand what we have in the book in terms of circles is the golden ball, which is the equivalent of the movie’s the room, which is, well,

in short both stories ultimately hinge upon the idea that there is a something in the zone which can give you your heart’s desire. anything you want. everything you want. whatever you want. it is infinitely powerful; it is infinitely capable. the catch is that it will only give you what you want. the catch is that giving you what you want is not the same as giving you what you are asking for. the other catch is that in both cases you have to get through the meat-grinder first.

(so, by the way, what the fuck, right? does pafl’s zone have a wish-granting factory? is it also behind the grinder? where were the original trio going when they got themselves fucked up? and did they get there?)

but the point is: the golden ball, the wish-granting factory, is also a circle. it’s just sort of a sphere. it’s a big round fuckin yellow thing. you know, sorta like:

which is THE ONLY TIME yellow is used in occam’s razor not counting the full-colour shots, and it drives me CRAZY, but it is also me going full conspiracy board so let’s not even worry about it. THE POINT IS.

the circle is the death-machine and the wish-machine. neither of these things are really.... very good. the circle, or at least the arc, is also very closely associated with death:

(розовая дуга предрассветного, ‘rose arc of pre-dawn’. if i’ve fucked up that nominative please feel free to stone me to death!) 

in the gdoc notes to message lost ferry briefly refers to the dawn as if it were a good thing, the dawn of hope, which is a usage that sort of agrees with the desolate and deathless hope of strike 3′s ‘everything will pass / a day will come,’ but on the other hand it really is very closely associated with dying. nikolai bites it; nikita bites it; sergei and olga left significant chunks of themselves behind. and the thing about ‘this too shall pass’ is that it’s always true, as is ‘everything ends’, but of course that’s ‘cause the thing that ends might be you. and as we know

dawn is an ending. so that seems concerning!

i think the circle, the arc, the bolt falling back to the ground, is not a good thing. i am getting a little conspiracy board here in general but forgive me, i cannot make you a wholesome answer, my wit’s diseased. i think the circle is an enclosed space. it’s an unbroken cycle. it’s the grindstone. it’s the mill. it’s about what pafl’s always been about: about being trapped, about having no chances, about being bordered upon. the circle’s the geometric figure of equidistance from a given point, and you can walk on it forever, and nothing will ever change; you will never get closer, you will never get further away, you will never get out! the sun rises, the sun sets, and you are no closer to anything you wanted. it’s worth noting that anya’s borderline city, the zone-edge port town she complains is trying to crush all her dreams, her mill

is a circle. (a cog in a machine! a grind-wheel! a cage!)

and yura, whose dreams have already been burned out of him, who starts the series already resigned to never getting out of here, calls it ‘this dire deja-vu’, i am specifically resisting putting the accent marks back onto that, which is to say, it’s a repetition that haunts him. it’s going round and round and getting nowhere.

so if we bring it back around: drawing a line in the sand, as the phrase is generally used, means setting a border, means saying this far and no further. often it’s yourself you’re setting the border for. you hit some divide you can’t abide crossing so you say this stops here, it may be too early or too late, but i say it stops here. so logically: drawing a circle in the sand means you’ve locked yourself in completely.

I’ll draw a circle in the sand, drive myself around the bend in a desperate attempt to hold your battered hand

the whole first half of this song, i think, is olga promising to grind herself down in a hundred ways if it means she won’t be left alone. how hard can it be to never let it overflow? she may feel lower than the low, she may wish she could just disappear out here, into the postindustrial rust, but though it gets harder all the time she will keep pretending. she isn’t going to burden sergei, or indeed anyone, with her problems, her fears, her scars. she is hurt, but she’s used to it, she’s gotten used to being haunted long ago. she keeps her bad eye covered. she stays within her circle she has drawn. she keeps going round and round. she will take the smallest sliver of human connection and be happy, she promises she will be happy, she promises she won’t ask for more, she will take just the ‘hello.’

but you knooooow it’s not true. you know it’s grinding her down, that she’ll be milled to nothing pretty soon, and really she knows it too.

i am perhaps seventy percent sure that this line is a reference to the windmills of your mind by michel legrande, which features such lines as

Like a tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own Down a hollow to a cavern where the sun has never shone Like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind

which on one hand seems sort of obscure to be a purposeful reference but on the other hand would be a hell of a coincidence if it wasn’t, wouldn’t it. either way it characterizes circles ambiguously, but definitely unsettlingly. going around in circles is chasing infinity, but what in god’s name would you do with it if you caught it? what are you even hoping to accomplish? and: 

the second half of this song is bitterer, sharper - staring down the mouth of the meat-grinder she’s a little more willing to admit to herself that this is going nowhere. she is running out of cages to keep herself in. she is very tired. it’s easy to say why don’t you leave it all behind, it’s easy to say, she’s strong enough to let it go, it’s easy to say, too strong to die. it is a lot harder to actually live.

this is also where the flashbacks admit to us how badly hurt they really were - sergei with his whole side in shreds, she still hides her eye but at least we get to see it’s bleeding. this moral compass is forever misaligned, she says, so there is damage, and it is lasting. and she can’t settle for hello, she can’t live like this, she needs someone by her side. the trouble is whether she can believe she has any hope of getting that

as for who ‘her’ is, or the ‘she’ of ‘she is bathed in youthful glow’, i figure there’s two possibilities: either it’s nadya, who haunts olga too, because nikita’s abandonment of nadya represents exactly what she most fears for herself, or it’s olga’s younger, unbroken, binocular self - both of whom were so young, and so easily hurt, and are now unfindable.

and then there’s this conclusion: ‘the sun will rise, until then / i’ll be waiting for you on the other side.’ which maybe is a sort of hope after all? she’s reached no real conclusions in the zone - she knows there must be hope but she can only barely believe in it - she thinks she is destined to self-destruct. but on the other hand she still has that, a version of sergei’s own ‘a day will come’

you may be hurt, but if you can hold yourself together, you can hope for a dawn someday. an ending. a change. but the trouble’s that there’s more than one kind of ending. and there’s more than one meaning for other side. there are cages, and then there are cages. and you know what else looks like a tunnel, a circle?

staring down the barrel of the gun.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. you know whats also bad about the red eyes? not only do they look awful on persephone's pink color, they're not even a unique feature? like we've seen hades' eyes go red, we've seen eros' eyes go red, and ares' eyes are ALWAYS red, so even this idea its her "unique queenly trait" doesnt even hold up?? because we've seen it on other characters before?like at least the blue glowing eyes looked unique and even gave her a possessed, otherworldly look, something with the red eyes just dont have.

2. The faces in the latest ep (not fastpass).... Ew

3. I saw someone praise lore olympus art, specifically the ones where Apollo is playing his lyre and Daphne is covering her ears while her hair is split in two (yuck! Bad decision looks awful) so we can see Apollo, the one where she transforms into her hibernation state (weird perspective, chin and neck, I think, also what the hell was that supposed to be?) and the last one before cutting to Thanatos (which, I admit looks a little better that the other but I still got distracted Apollo's arm among other things).

Now, Rachel is a professional artist like 15-25 years older than me (I dunno her age) drawing one of the most liked webtoons.

I feel like I'm nitpicking or being too harsh or crazy because I think it is a little terrible and this person thinks it's amazing and I know art is subjective and all but like the difference of opinion is jarring. I am by no means a professional and my art leaves a lot to be desired and I guess I don't have incredibly high standards (or do I? I'm second guessing). Is it really that good?

Because I know that Smythe commits more than a few anatomy atrocities. I wanted to redraw a few panels two years ago and I noticed a few things that Don't Work Like That.

4. ok but that other anon is right. we shouldnt have to go off old tumblr asks or random tweets to understand what's going on and who the characters are. rachel doesnt realize you have to actually write whats going on, not putting the readers on a scavenger hunt trying to figure out what they're even reading.

5. im honestly surprised LO hasnt ruined more mother figures at this point. maybe maia will be next and depicted as neglectful and hermes is only the way he is because hes acting out to be noticed by her, maybe dione will slut shame aphrodite, who knows, the possibilities are endless when its about ruining every mother figure to prop persephone and hera up and to avoid giving the characters actual personalities that isnt dependent on mommy/daddy issues.

6. I hate the clothing choice for Daphne in run for your life. It felt like she was drawn in a sexualized manner when she shouldn’t have been because she was running away from a r*pist. Like she almost had a nip slip, we almost got her ass, it was like Rachel was trying to fit her butt and chest in a lot of the frames like some video game with the token woman character. Like if a different dress was choosen or how she made Daphne tie the dress, I just feel like Rachel can’t draw outside of pinup sexy that well. Like sexy is fine for sexy scenes but running away from a r*pist is not sexy. (I probably sounded really lame, but the way Rachel presents the story in a feminist way but can only draw one way in not even the same style is annoying)

7. Things I think would have been better for the story instead of focusing so much on HXP

-Expanding on Minthe’s and Hades beginning of their relationship (he couldn’t of fallen for her since she didn’t laugh at him and when she yelled at him said it’s not your fault but you have the hat I think that would have added to his character more to see him more than a 40 year old who hits on barely legal)

-Leto’s kidnapping of Demeter. Both we/are close with Hera, and probably know or each other or may have been friends. Like I wanna know how Leto kidnapped her but also how are they interacting since they probably know each other and Demeter probably had Hera’s back when Hera ended their friendship.

-Ares return to Aphrodite. We don’t get to see much of her character but we know this is something she’s wanted, but they way it was handled was so flat, We assume Aphrodite told Ares that his gf slept with his father to save their son but we don’t actual read any words between the couple. And then they’re living together. I wanna see how they actually interact and stay together like their better moments. Like how well did he settle in, did they talk about how long he left for or is he mad like come on that’s something interesting but I feel like RS can’t write outside of HXP

-the deal with Echo. Why do people think Echo could possibly be Hera’s gf if she’s her assistant. Yeah they do dirty work together BUT I didn’t get a wiff or sexual tension or anything. Was it that she was there with the doctor? It just seems like Hera is that CEO trope who has the assistant always by her now.

-a little more of Pysche and Aphrodite friendship. Like Pysche says Aphrodite is lonely (and we can assume a part of that is Ares) but also because she “doesn’t have many friends” so why not a solo scene of just the two of them being actual friends. Like what did Aphrodite say when she brought back a purple nymph that was gonna help them with their work.

-Hermes not talking about Persephone. I feel like that 99% of what his character is and then just a little bit of himbo. 

-Maybe Thantos and Minthe started flirting/hooking up. We’re they friends first or flirts first? Was it after Hades and Minthe got into a fight or something else? What did Thantos like about Minthe and what does she like about him? Why did she stay with Hades with Thantos was there (it’s not like she wanted to be queen of the underworld) How did Thantoas and Thetis meet and become friends? Idk if I was seeing two guys and one of them actually liked my friend I might consider leaving Hades for him. But again hades did have the power to control everything in Minthe’s life (job, home, everything) I do like Daphne and Thantos But I feel like the transition could have been better if we knew more, but again RS can only focus on one thing and that’s HXP.

------FP Spoiler/Mention------

8. FP SPOILERS— I’m done. I’m really done. We called it. We FKN called it. They got married behind the readers back, Demeter didn’t respond to the question as she actively avoided it and time was up, Apollo is somehow involved in the trial- THIS WHOLE THING IS A MESS AND IM TIRED OF HOPING THAT IT GETS BETTER. Four FKN years of this??? I’m done with this Webtoon even though I’m FKN stuck in it. I’m so FKN done.

9. Fast Pass spoiler (kinda) OH MY GOD, I JUST REALIZED THE POMEGRANATE PIN IS JUST PASTED ON EVERY FRAME, NOT EVEN RE DRAWN FOR PERSPECTIVE, NO, JUST COPIED AND PASTED, REGARDLESS THE OUTFIT ANGLE AND LIGHTING, IT'S HILARIOUS!!!I mean, I knew the art was decaying, but this just made me laugh out loud of how bad it looked.

10. persephone’s pomegranate pin just looks like a giant fly that landed on her and won’t leave LMAO

[jesuisgourde]

gay/queer references in Peter’s journals

Again, I have probably missed stuff due to going through pretty quickly and also due to having stared at this document for so long, everything has kind of blurred together.

Sometime close to the day that Carlos & I watched 'Love And Death on Long Island' (and afterwards paraded through the tea rooms of Picadilly) we both filled in application forms and were tres excited to be invited to the same group 'interview' - twas more like an audition though. I got the part. Carlos never. This did not bring any animosity - we both know that success for either of us is magnified a million times if it is shared by us both.

from 'A Diamond Guitar' by Truman Capote "Except that they did not combine their bodies or think to do so, though such things were not unknown at the (Prison), they were as lovers. Of the seasons, spring is the most shattering: stalks thrusting through the earth's winter-stiffened crust, young leaves cracking out on old left-to-die branches, the falling asleep wind cruising through all the newborn green. And with Mr Schaeffer it was the same, a breaking up, a flexing of muscles that had hardened. It was late January. The friends were sitting on the steps of the sheep house, each with a cigarette in his hand. A moon thin and yellow as a piece of lemon rind curved above them, and under its light, threads of ground frost glistened like silver snail trails. Tico Feo had been drawn into himself - silent as a robber waiting in the shadows."

Then a meet with Bounds Green's African prince outside whitechapel tube, rugged lookies at I in military attire & to a ruptured Albion rooms tidied in hours and now lids drawn heated on the eyes. A young looking fella has a crush on me.

Jackie/Camillia/Marie/Kate/Chris/V. churchill Jackie/Evelina/Jasmine/Sachi/Dalston/Sussie Sandra/Carlene/FP/Jay/Dalston/Kraut

There sat a young black man, perhaps in his early or middle twenties. He looked for all the world like the archetypal rude boy. Clean, cheap reebok, nike, adidas variously rolled, laced & zipped about his lean, spreadeagled body that hung loosely about the waiting room chair. Gold & tattoos adorned his person, and a blank animal look was attached to his clear face. He sat before me in a row of four empty chairs, staring at polished floor or the mundane television. A balding white man minced in & all perceptions were suddenly proven to be false as they embraced and snuggled up to each other, giggling & whispering & touching each others noses.... very much in love, fingers crossed for the blood tests.

[Image: an article from Gay Times of an interview with Peter. For some reason, the portrait included alongside the article is of Carl wearing a grey and black t-shirt.] Name? Peter Doherty Age? 22 Where are you? I'm on the motorway just north of Southampton. What kind of day are you having? (Vaguely) Erm... quite misty. Something's waiting around the corner, but there are no corners on the motorway, so we'll just have to wait and see what lies ahead. Maybe something will happen tonight.... What's this we hear about you once being a rent boy? Well, when times are hard, duty calls. How long ago was it? When I was 19, about three years ago. How do we know this isn't just a Shaun Ryder-type lie? 'Cause if it was, it would make me a complete scumbag and I'm not, and I'm not interested in that kind of pantomime. It wasn't a very happy time. I didn't really enjoy it. Why did you give it up? (grimly) Well, certain people disappeared... and anyway, ultimately I found myself no longer in such a vulnerable position anymore. Dawn broke, and I realised that it was a beautiful world after all. Have you done any other dodgy jobs? All of us in the band have tried to deal, but it's not good if you like the drugs too much. You just end up using them yourself! I once was a gravedigger. I used to do it with my mate in Willesden Green cemetery. We didn't actually do the digging, a machine did that, but we used to have to fill them in. It was pretty grim work. So are you gay then? Love is love, wherever it comes from. I'm not anything, really. I am a very sexual person but... I dunno, I believe in liberty... The Marquis de Sade has a lot to answer for... Do you get a lot of gay fans? Yeah - well, there's one guy in particular. He's very shy and he follows us around. He brings in letters and cards and stuff, but he's very quiet. I think John (the bassist) is the main pulling power in the band. Are you jealous about that? Nah! I've known him too long.

You know I'm alright i dont even care i like it when they stare & stare call me queer, dear oh dear a million things & what I wear He's real hard when he's with his mates but I'll saw him again & he was too late

Dear NME I'd have thought after the Gay Times piece, the interview with Rapture fanzine & our recent gig at the Slum Club everything would be clear. No it still remains to give a big hearty fuck off to all these twisted suburban types calling me a liar. Vulnerable young men & women all over the world find themselves victims of circumstance.

she was dressed in suit & tie & lightly etched-on moustache. 'I've always wanted to kiss a bird in the back of a taxi.' she says, running her hand up the fishnet ladders of my thigh. Stepping onto the front line in Bow puddles, elevators, buzzing doors,

[Image: the original page in the book has been preserved. Two paragraphs have been boxed off with biro. They read:] “...cast Richard Burton and Rex Harrison as bickering queer barbers and then much more uncompromisingly in William Friedkin's adaptation of The Boys in the Band (1970), which introduced some of the plainer four letter words in the English language to the screen for the first time. 'Who,' asks Cliff Gorman, in his brilliant portrayal of the most effeminate of the homosexual group as they gather for a soul-searching party, 'Who do you have to fuck to get a drink around here?' Other homosexual manifestations to occur in movies around this time included an elliptical but unmistakeable male fellatio scene in John Schlesinger's Midnight Cowboy (1969) when Jon Voight, as a broke and disillusioned Texas stud importunes in a New York cinema....”

[Image, top left: a blurry photo of John onstage, playing bass. Image, top right, sideways: a photo of the band onstage. Carl and John are on the left, sharing a mic. Peter is on the right, playing guitar and singing into his own mic. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his bottom half from the chest down is visible. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his top half from shoulders up is visible. Image, bottom left: a torn fragment of a photo. What looks like a denim-clad knee and a yellow carrier bag are visible. Image, bottom middle: a photo of someone's knee in torn jeans, taken from under a table. Image, bottom right: a torn photo of Carl in a black sleeveless shirt, posing with his fingers in his mouth.] [A paragraph from the original page of the book has been left exposed and boxed off with black biro. It reads:] “The Boys in the Band was displaced by an immeasurably more powerful portrayal of homosexual groups, Fortune and Men's Eyes (1971). Set in a Quebec prison, this disturbing, factually based drama vividly recounted the corrupted of a heterosexual convict trapped in a tough, potentially vicious homosexual society. In one horrifying scene, a weak, put-upon prisoner is gang-banged by his fellow inmates; in another, the 'hero' is blackmailed by his cellmate into accepting him as his lover for the duration...”

Like a cat on a hot tin roof Like a macho man in a roomful of poofs I have tried in my way to be free.

[Written in Peter's handwriting] Jerome... is that how it's spelt? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes it is [Written in Peter's handwriting] Can I read you something? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes please.....

I insist, new book of Albion, befuddled by drugs I may yes about 2 but I do not miss out entirely on the subtleties of the inhuman relation ships that are this the mainstay of my stay here in one bounce of a loaf. Boys are fooled into fooling with boys. [...]

More general references/some extra explanations:

“The boy looked at Johnny” is a line from Patti Smith's song “Horses,” part one of a three-part song called “Land.” In the song, a young man named Johnny is assaulted by another man in a locker room; he then mentally journeys to other fantastical lands and visions. A lot of people interpret it as being about gay sex, although some people interpret it as being about a stabbing.

Peter quotes and references Jean Genet's writing and works about Jean Genet many times. While Genet's works are nearly all about crime and prison (one of Peter's main interests and points of fascination), all of his works are very explicitly gay. The Thief's Journal is more about Genet's various lovers than it is about his criminal history. Our Lady Of The Flowers is about a drag queen and her criminal lovers, and is also extremely erotic.

(“Jerome” is Jerome Alexandre, vocalist of The Deadcuts, who was friends with Peter and Mark Keds.)

[limelocked]

Sundial blurbs

So most of my part of the Sundial au has been locked into general au chat on our server in the form of joking, theorising and sometimes writing as much as the discord character limit allows me to. I did the two first blurbs in this post today and @pomodoko commanded i actually post it and tag them so here they are, sorted into story chronological order and not the order in which i wrote them

Also this is the link to the document with general information on the AU

--- Dreams POV, the inciting incident

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8- NINE It has been ten seconds since Fundy landed at the bottom of the stairs at the lowest level of the building, there had been a noticeable thud that sounded distinctly unpleasant but Dream hadn't picked up on any cracking noise that'd indicate broken bones. Not that it'd be easy to hear over the commotion that led to later events.

Because it'd been seven seconds since Techno had lost his balance because of the falling fox mentioned and seven seconds since he stood back straight, almost brushing against Wilburs taller frame. It had only been five short seconds, that might have felt like weeks to others, since Wilbur in turn furrowed his brow and geared up for retaliation. Four seconds ago techno had been pushed. Three, Wilbur had gone into the wrong portal. Two, Philza had with Fundy still leaning on his shoulder tried to stop them both. One, they were gone.

It was surreal. The room had been filled with chatter before the fight, louder during the fight and now it was quiet. One second in the future, after it had all happened, the silence broke by no one who had seen it happen but by Tommy, babbling on about something with Fundy that didn't matter to anyone but himself. He quieted down when the person he was intending to talk to was nowhere to be found, confused. "Where'd Fundy go?"

"He and Wilbur already went through" the lack of effort it took for Dream to bend that truth would be concerning if not for his record, and technically they already had. "Oh-" an unsatisfactory answer but not one that would send him towards the throat of Noxite. "You can just talk to them back home. Come on." The portal after the hermits was supposed to be theirs, something quickly confirmed as they enter the community house with a crisis averted, or rather pushed back until a later date, and two people lost to another server.

--- Omniscient/Unknown POV, the dreamsmp aftermath

un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf... sept, huit, neuf... sept, huit... Seven hours later was when the lie couldn't hold anymore. Tommy already didn't trust Dream much but Tubbo had been a help in convincing him that Wilbur and Fundy were just away building or something. But the truth comes eventually. He sent a clear message of; <TommyInnIt> stop lying to me

Hour eight was the worst, accusations being thrown and swords being drawn. Screaming and explanations that never really felt enough. The ninth hour was bad in another way, depressing. Tommy's anger had simmered into bargaining as if Dream, George or Tubbo had the power to do anything of substance. It never got to begging, Tommy's pride forbade that but the things he put on the line for help that he couldn't get made it almost seem like it.

Noxcrew was contacted and they confirmed that the hemits had talked to them about the guests. Solutions were suggested and just as quickly rebuffed. Hour ten was a loss and the eleventh hour was one where Tommy and Tubbo got to speak alone.

"Can't you just use your powers or whatever to make the portals take us to hermitcraft" he was exhausted. "It doesn't work like that, probably, and Noxite has probably already tried it" "Yeah but Tubbo could you do it?" "I mean... maybe?" To that something glinted in Tommys eye, hope that Tubbo didn't want to extinguish as fast as it needed to be. "But I'm not allowed into the MCC world anyways so it wouldn't work" "FUCKING CHRIST TUBBO everyone here's useless!"

--- Technos POV, first night on hermitcraft

It's the first night and bones tower above him.

There were other buildings around, and the area was lit up well but eyes followed him from the darkness, eying the stone tools he'd manage to scrape up while leaving the group now probably settled in a warm house far away. This world scared him, the monsters and the way his sword hit differently, and the fact that the air itself felt new.

A pair of eyes glowed at him from it's place under one of the ribs of a beast too huge to want to think about. Techno readied his sword, but the dog decided that it'd rather go back to sleep. This world scared him and he just knew he'd gotten lost now because his goal had been to retrace his steps, the path that Xisuma and Bdoubleo had shown them to the little village far away by boat, to find the house cleft in two and then head straight out to sea until he could find a better place to stay than the tension thick cabin that their hosts had suggested.

Another dog offered a quiet bark in his direction and with an embarrassed sssh, covering fright, he continued forward. He had found the water, true, and he remembered something vague about a neighbour... but... No. No he decided that he'd choose a direction and if there weren't any light he'd just have to turn around or dock and make a little cave to live out of. It wouldn't be glorious but neither is 5 million potatoes.

A boat is placed into the water at the straight of Joebralta and a pig starts to row.

Clang. He is confused. The boat shakes in the middle of open water, he's been turned around. Clang. A trident, something he's only really seen in Skyblockle, shoots into the air a meter to the right of his boat. He speeds up. Clang. It misses, but he has decided that the sea is no longer safe.

--- Technos and Ethos POV, the first days in hermitcraft

He's starting to feel bad for leaving. Still justified, but also bad. He felt horrible the instant the championship room disappeared from right in front of his eyes with Wilbur still in it, and still worse when Wilbur then Phil and Fundy appeared next to him in this world, all statues as unseen confused messages fill the communicators of the worlds inhabitants.

When they arrived he was surprised that a lot of the hermits knew about them, or at least him, from the returning cast of hermits that played in MCC and their apparent tendency to tell stories as soon as there was space for it. It'd made it less awkward but the looks from the others stopped him from talking much about his side of the tournaments.

This was perhaps night four? He had stepped ashore in a jungle a bit from an area he could almost feel at home in with its skyscrapers reminiscent of some survival games arenas. But it was built by someone and someone should be avoided so he had trudged through plains and deserts walking around it only to find more tall buildings in another jungle.

The jungle was... safe? Safe from people at least, less so mobs. He had a little cave with a bed now that kept the hot and humid air out most of the time and while small and cramped and utterly horrible it felt far safer than returning to the others... even though he could practically hear Phils calm and nonchalant reassurances.

Leaving the small home he searches for the water he remembers spotting nearby. The bright orange tracksuit wasn't something he wanted to wear but there wasn't much of anything else and it still needed to be washed of stone dust and sweat no matter how much he disliked it. He leaves with a compass and map to find his way back, and around other peoples territory. And water is found easily with these. Stone, coal and redstone is scrubbed away in the freshwater lake that's only relatively cold, but it still feels nice, like the wind on his island in skyblock or in the skywars arenas.

Not too far away a man is working in a terrarium of his own design containing no animals but currents in thin snakes coiling around comparators and observers. The change to the nether has been an exciting one but it did come with problems for the technicians and thankfully for this one the Google hasn't broken too far beyond belief and is back in functioning order faster than expected.

Satisfied he looks at the path that he paradoxically want to end and to continue and decides to wait, flying up to sit near his portal instead to think about it and access the expansions he's already made. Something bright orange is spotted in the distance which at first is ignored, it can wait, until the realization of a possible abandoned shulker, so very common in this group, grabs him and almost instantly leaves as it moves around.

Several seconds later the orange turns brighter and the idea of lava pops in and out of his head in a flash.

<Etho> Beef have to lost an orange llama? <VintageBeef> no? <VintageBeef> at least I dont think so...? <Etho> o_o

He's been keeping out of the way for a while, like usual, and only knew some of the news about new people on the server. That they'd gotten there with Rendogs sports gang by accident and that they'd been living mostly over at Bdubs' place to avoid having them be excluded to their own little village. Apparently something had happened, he'd missed the details but it was looking like there was a manhunt for someone or something that he should by all means be more invested in.

Curious he misses the orange go out of view in favour of finding out about this missing thing in case he's found it. A person and a description, hidden deep in other messages. His height, human pig hybrid, last seen wearing...

Does he want to do this? He knows his way around a jungle but it's still annoying and Xisuma lives close by... but he's most likely AFK. Well, you make a good first impression on the new guys if you find their missing friend.

--- Omniscient/Unclear POV, Technos time with Etho

Silence is golden in silver light. The hermits can stay up days on end without sleep, working through nights when it’s needed and even with guests this doesn’t change. Like the sliver of moon in the sky, Ethos hair glows radiant from inside the redstone machine he calls the Googler and Techno does nothing but look on as repeaters are moved and redstone is smeared in new paths into blocks he has never seen before, something he’s had to get used to lately.

His host works in silence until a question breaks the jungles chime and an answer is given with the rhythm. The redstone had changed and he thought he had fixed it, an unhelpful follow up is posed and a pause is moved into a somewhat oversimplified version of the circuit. They both know that Techno is no help here, but the company is nice and something is learned.

Etho in the day when working the fortress tells Techno about the old days and in turn Techno admits to never having left those old days for long. Etho talks about Pause and Beef. Techno fails to talk about his own team.