#this was a super experimental idea for me i'm pretty happy with how it turned out.... yay yippeeeeee

[quinns-art-box]

oh and here's the small piece of spot art i made for my wonderful friend @toxicpineapple 's gonta week fic!! PLEASE GO READ IT it's absolutely fantastic and i am so normal about postgame gonta and miu

[chanstopher]

hello dreamy; hope you’re well ❤️ we’re pretty similar in some aspects :o i love making gfx the most too since it’s something i wish to be good at + pairing fonts, figuring out colour palettes and executing ideas in the form of a graphics really is challenging but also super rewarding! i draw from time to time as well and i really love doing it, but since i rarely ever not draw from a reference or change things ever so slightly, it’s not something that tickles my imagination as much as a gfx would hehe since i usually have to readjust colourings or sometimes colour from scratch, i really like giffing too! but it’s probably the most mundane out of all of them since there’s nothing much different about the process dkfjdj oh, you’re absolutely fine! a good friend is like a seasoned professional when it comes to typos, and i’ve finally mastered decoding 90% of what she says… reading through your posts is like a calming breeze after talking to her—no missing words, random exclamations or extra letters 😂 but i think it’s a charming point for her too; i immediately know it’s her when i receive a text that butchered up! the whole biasing thing reminds me of a mutual of mine :D she’s always confused on who her bias is and ends up biasing the one member who is a complete opposite of her initial bias so we joke around by predicting who her bias will be once she starts getting into a new group. what’s your favourite hair colour on chan (and/or binnie haha) + what are some things that you associate with him? (i apologize for the late ask as i have been struggling with tumblr for the past couple of days ^^;) - 🌨

i'm gonna put a cut cause this is long

Hi my lil rain cloud, omg yes there’s just so much you can do with gfx, its a constant learning curve, and it’s so full of experimentation that its just always so fun. I’ve always been tempted to open up requests for gfx but its so hard to think of how to get ppl to send stuff that would actually inspire me. The best I’ve done is someone randomly sent me an ask for a gfx with Minho and they asked if it could be yellow and it ended up being a lot of fun to try to do, the request was so vague it was easy to be completely creative.  I also cannot draw unless I have a good reference, it’s like I can picture something so perfectly in my mind but the second my pen touches paper or tablet I suddenly can’t figure out how to proportion anything. But if I have something to constantly look at and compare myself to I can match it pretty well. But I agree gifs feel easy most of the time in comparison, unless I’m trying to recolor something nightmare inducing like purple stage lighting, or making things extra fancy by basically turning gifs into gfx. Giffing is a good hobby for watching tv or something, because it’s just a constant process so I can pay enough attention to the tv to know what’s happening while also cranking out sets, so I like that about it. I’m glad my grammar issues are at least legible, just lots of random commas that I hope are remotely ok lmao

Omg red is definitely my favorite hair color on Chris, like all time, I think the more ppl hated it the more I loved it, was obsessed with it. It just felt so punk, and then it faded to a pretty pink and I was happy all over again lmao. I also really loved the highlighted brown during double knot, that was such a gorgeous color and I think it really suited his skin tone a lot. I’m partial to blonde binnie, like ex or all in that was SUCH a gorgeous color on him, I do wish he got to do more fun colors tho, he’s said a few times he wants pink hair and I think changbin should get what he wants lol

Things I associate with Chris, omg does everything count or does that just really bring out the loser in me lmao but fr space, the ocean, oversized clothing, skateboarding, wolves obviously, the 🤙🏻 emoji, Pokemon, puppies, those thick silver chain necklaces lol, I will stop this will get embarrassing gdhgd

[badboyportrait]

10 year ao3 anniversary!

i joined ao3 on may 1st 2014, and posted my first fic may 2nd 2014. i figured i'd do a roundup of my own stats in the last ten years and see how far i've come! come join me!

(post dividers by saradika-graphics)

the hard stats

most popular fics ever

take my hand (kiribaku, bnha. 2016. 42 comments, 662 kudos, 139 bookmarks)

I need your warmth, you know (hiroaki, kyoukai no kanata. 2014. 2 comments, 241 kudos, 20 bookmarks)

sidetracked (sarumi, k project. 2014. 9 comments, 205 kudos, 21 bookmarks)

top fandoms

a3! (18 works)

ensemble stars! (8 works)

mahoutsukai no yakusoku (6 works)

top ships

kurokei, enstars (7)

bantaiju, a3! (6)

bradnero, mhyk (5)

top tags

character study (9)

fluff (8) || fluff without plot (8)

pre-slash (7)

numbers breakdown

ratings

general audiences (40)

teen and up (11)

mature (5)

explicit (3)

over the years

2014: 10 fics. knk, kagerou project, k, free!

2015: 1 fic. haikyuu!! x k

2016: 7 fics. knb, mikagura, bnha, enstars

2017: 5 fics. enstars

2018: 4 fics. enstars, k, a3!, idolish7

2019: 7 fics. a3!

2020: 4 fics. a3!

2021: 4 fics. a3!, mhyk

2022: 9 fics. mhyk, prsk, yakuza, lost judgement

2023: 4 fics. trigun, a3!, persona 3 portable, mhyk

2024: 4 fics (so far). prsk, a3!, one piece live action

chef's recommendations

most well-written imo & most satisfied with

death, reversed (2023. bradnero, mhyk)

chiaroscuro (2024. juaka. a3!)

infinite/infinitesimal (2022. kanamafu, prsk)

[__] (2019. banju/bantaiju, a3!)

i'm really happy with all of these! these are the ones i'd use to show off my technical skill (structure, language, etc), but it's also a damn good showcase of the themes i'm best at.

personal favs

nuit blanche (2022. kuwana, lost judgement): i wrote this one fast and furious. all passion, didn't look back. it turned out GREAT.

【 ✦ — ACTOR'S CAFE OPEN! ⋆ THE CHUUNIBYOU CLASH OF LIFE AND DEATH! 】 (2021. itaru, kumon, taichi, tsumugi. a3!): super experimental. i think i pulled off the style imitation really well, characterization didn't falter even with the new style, and hit a lot of good humour beats too. i don't often write this kind of style, but i think i'm pretty damn good at it anyway.

personal milestones

position zero (2019. bantai, a3!): the fic where i really started interpreting characters with my own ideas instead of bandwagonning fandom!

>>the death of hyodo juza (2022. bantaiju, a3!)<<: my ultimate goal as a writer was to 1. get really good at character studies, 2. write a 10k oneshot. i accomplished both with the death of hyodo juza!!

what's next

my main goals as a writer have been accomplished!!! i want to set another one to strive towards! one day i'd like to finish a full draft for nanowrimo! i'm not a 50k novel kind of guy, so i'm striving for something that passes all my personal checks within the time limit.

this is lesser on the priority list, but i think it'd be so damn cool to finish one of those month-long challenges. kinktober, writetober, what have you...a full-fledged 1k+ fic for every day of the month. it sounds impossible, but i'd feel so good about doing it!

for 2024, here's what i've got:

match the number of fics posted in 2014 (10). that 10-year parallel is deeply satisfying to think about!

join kanamafuweek!

complete soundtracks: ensemble!

finish at least one more wip from my drive!

and as always,

keep writing (the more the better!)

keep improving (as long as i write, i'll improve!)

like i say at the end of every a3 fic i write: thanks for reading! see you next fic!

[laurelier]

Harry's home remodel list: yellow checkered tiles for the kitchen, ivy plants for the bathroom...

Bc I am, as the saying goes, in a Joni hole.

And because I’m also big on titles? Like, in my own creative sensibility, which sounds just so unbearably pretentious, but whatever this is my space to be that way— I love titles. It’s like, you’ve made this thing, right, and then you’re condensing all that work you’ve done into a little phrase you could just, like. Hold in your hand. A symbol, the core of what you’ve made, or some meaningful comment on it. What an artist chooses to name a piece of art becomes the focal point upon which every theme and word and image in that work is brought to bear— I just, I love titles. And Harry’s House is such a good one— inviting us in to explore the concepts of home, housing, dwelling, what happens at home and what’s a house and— if what we’ve seen so far is any indication, what’s a body, too, what’s a self; but as others (including the Original Artist Herself, ~*love the title~~*) have noted, it’s also referential to Joni Mitchell, which hhhhh that gets me going too, references and intertexuality— of which, so far, it appears H has happily given us a not-insignificant dose, the Matrix lens being such a rich way to see the AIW video. In any case. The title. The title and the Joni track it refers to. Some thoughts on that are under the cut today, so happy H is back so I can be insufferable and long-winded again.

Some VISIONARY artwork by always wonderful personified joy @thestylinsons, imagining Harry’s House in the style of The Hissing of Summer Lawns, this is STILL SO GOOD BABE

As Harry's house was?

Although it's the only complete song of the album we have so far, I don’t quiiiiite think a really close lyrical comparison of As It Was to Harry’s House/Centerpiece is super fruitful atm. But. One idea I did have while I was making my struggle meal microwave baked potato a little while back was— so often we discuss the interplay and difference between Harry the person vs. Harry Styles™ the icon, and since those two entities have the same name, same title, if you will, we can’t really tell exactly how much of either one is being addressed when he says “Harry” in the second verse of AIW— which still makes my stomach flip every time I hear it—; “Harry” remains hazy, undefined. And, like, I think that’s really just an interesting ambiguous moment, mainly, but. “Harry” is also a character in the Joni song that shares a name with the album, and with H being such a huge Joni fan, I’m going to operate under the assumption that that reference is purposeful— which means that today I get to take my silly little magnifying glass and put Joni’s Harry right under it, bop, and add him to the list of possible Harrys in the Harry-soup of that haunting moment when he says his own name.

Harry’s House/Centerpiece itself is a nice lil bit of social commentary. The vibrant images in the first few lines show us pretty quick that we’re dealing with Joni scoffing at capitalistic excess and hollowness— one of the most common themes in her work. The song is placed near the end of one of her more experimental albums— !!! the implications!!— and it begins by following a “he” character, “Harry”, who is heading to a hotel where he’s about to do a bunch of business meetings and the like. It then follows the collapse of his marriage under the stifling requirements of gender roles— I'm not going to include the full lyrics here, but a few things I’m turning over in my brain are:

One: Adam Driver wall punch in marriage story meme

First, the fact that H chose a song about a type of gradual (heterosexual) marital discord and decline that is directly attributable to the suffocating nature of prescribed Western gender roles to associate with an album ostensibly about home and homemaking, self and selfmaking— and which, from what we can see, is likely going to be a somewhat intimate and vulnerable project. Like, holy shit. Specifically, to me, the lyrics—

A helicopter lands on the Pan Am roof Like a dragonfly on a tomb And business men in button downs Press into conference rooms

Battalions of paper-minded males Talking commodities and sales While at home their paper wives And their paper kids Paper the walls to keep their gut reactions hid

—feel particularly weighty, because— there's a way to hear AIW that's convincingly about family dynamics, wives and children, your daddy lives by himself, he just wants to know that you're well, a) of all (those lines kill me, bye) but b), man if all that about corporate grayness and battalions and dragonflies on tombs doesn’t call back to the first few frames of the mv. Harry's walking amongst a bunch of professional-looking people in muted colors, who are chatting and talking and drinking coffee—

—and he soon exits that space by beginning to walk backwards as he sings holding me back, gravity's holding me back— reversing things, doing them differently, going through a door and out of that that buttoned-up, barren environment, being pulled further into himself (?).

God I am so shitty at capturing frames on youtube my lazy ass should really just learn how to goddam gif

Then there's the "paper-minded males", what a phrase— the total flatness of them, minds only on paper, minds only existing on paper, nothing real to them, and if the paper is money, then that adds a whole other dimension, Have a Cigar anyone; if their minds are papered over, then they’re hiding from themselves. They’re not even men, either, they’re males, Males, like, all their individuality has been stripped from them and all that’s left is what is required to be a Male, their successful adherence to the requirements of Maleness is the only thing about them that matters, it’s so soulless. And their paper wives and children, playing the roles that are laid out on paper, a Male, his Wife, his Child, all of them fulfilling the rules set out in advance of the marriage contract but that can't work in reality; everyone cooperating, from childhood on, in the suppression of everything that makes them more than paper. Joni’s poetry is something the fuck else here. And as such, it’s such an exciting referential choice for H to have made— I can’t wait to put it next to the rest of the songs on his album and see what comes up.

Two: the “Centerpiece” medley

Harry’s House/Centerpiece is two songs in one, with Joni sampling a 1958 jazz standard song by Harry (lmao) Edison and Jon Hendricks, “Centerpiece”, right after the lines where Harry starts to daydream in the middle of a meeting about his wife’s body when she was young and attractive. The lyrics to that part, which is very different from the rest of the song and on which I think Joni sounds particularly beautiful, are:

The more I'm with you, pretty baby The more I feel my love increase I'm building all my dreams around you Our happiness will never cease 'Cause nothing's any good without you Baby, you're my centerpiece

We'll find a house and garden somewhere Along a country road a piece A little cottage on the outskirts Where we can really find release 'Cause nothing's any good without you Baby, you're my centerpiece

In Harry’s House/Centerpiece, the placement of this is brilliant because it calls up the naive ideas the couple, or at least the husband, had at the outset of their marriage about how the wife would be his “centerpiece”, and makes the lovey sentiment of the original song sound really sinister: Joni’s Harry is trying and has always tried to turn his wife into a decorative centerpiece to build his life around, not allowing her to be a changing, dynamic person or life partner. A beloved, treasured possession is still a flat and lifeless object. I wonder if, in any way, H is going to engage this idea of expectation and dream, of building your life upon an idea that in reality isn’t anything like what you were told it was, about the certain kind cruelty of trying to make other people fit into your dreams for them— whether someone’s doing that to you, you’re doing it to somebody else, or you’re the one doing it to yourself.

Centerpiece’s mention of a house works in both H and Joni, too— in the middle of Harry’s House (song), it sounds almost like a trap, a house and garden where the wife can stay and remain the same as she ever was for the husband to enjoy; in the context of H’s album, I wonder if the concept of a “house” will fall in step with the genuinely romantic tone of the original jazz standard, or whether he’ll take something more along the lines of Joni’s embattled, complicated notions of home and relationships, and further comment on and explore that. The dark lyrics and bright 80s beat of AIW might suggest the latter, but I guess I just gotta wait two months and see.

Three: Don’t leave Harry a vm he’ll put you in a random song

I also love that there’s an inclusion of talking voices in both songs, in AIW at the beginning and Harry’s House/Centerpiece right after the Centerpiece interlude; both are angry, but Harry’s is a little girl scolding him for not following the routine of saying good night to her (which, in the context of the song, I take as a deviation that like. Could be happening because the narrator isn’t doing so well, or is facing a lot of inner turmoil, maybe) and in Joni’s is the wife chastising the husband because her life is limited and she’s frustrated. Both are disempowered characters, in a way; a child is inherently dependent on others, and in addition to the wife being trapped and objectified in Harry’s House/Centerpiece, The Hissing of Summer Lawns (album’s title track) references a woman who’s locked in a house by a domineering husband also— which, when I consider the way we think about H and women, and how we often read H mentioning women or using women in visuals as referencing gender, well. There’s quite a bit there— maybe a more feminine, or even more childlike or girlish, self being held captive and compromised by a societally required masculine role, and the discomfort and inner turbulence that that engenders (badumtss)? Relationships readable as inner conflict, again (!!!!).

Four: I’ll tell you where you can shove that paper

Similarly, the last lines of Harry’s House/Centerpiece being “To tell him like she did today / Just what he could do with Harry's house / And Harry's take home pay” and the implication that Joni’s Harry is a financially successful senior exec or whatever, at whatever corporate BS he’s devoted his working life to, lead pretty well into Harry’s, like, atmospheric success as an artist— what’s projected onto you and expected of you at that level of visibility, the hollowing greedy Manly Man character that’s shoved onto successful men and against which Harry often directly pushes. To me, this combo feels almost like a self-admonishment: if the wife in Joni’s song is comparable in some way to an inner, more fluid and/or feminine side that the world has led H to keep cooped up doing menial tasks and homemaking, creating ~Harry’s House~, whatever that is— and that he is, as a person perceived as a Man, expected to silence, control— then I wonder if the heaviness and anger that Harry’s House/Centerpiece ends on might extend to H’s album. At the end of the song, the wife tells Harry to fuck off, and the implication is that she’s leaving him, but when I first heard the song what I really registered was the reminder that— she was always the one guiding Harry, telling him what the possibilities for their house, their home, their shared life, could be— and she’s sick of his shallow papered-over ways of seeing her and the world, she’s angry, when she leaves she's going to leave him directionless— and, well. Put next to H's upcoming album and what we know about it, that looks a bit. Difficult and transformative, to me. At the risk of sounding too much like my therapist, we often don’t nurture our inner selves near enough, what we really want, really need, and often that results in a lot of self-resentment and anger, difficulty, and disconnection from ourselves.

I just think this Harry’s House/Centerpiece reference can be seen as such a cool meditation on selfhood: like, the possible combination of self-reproach and self-liberation (here thinking of the Christine and the Queens mv for Doesn't Matter, thank you endlessly again @thestylinsons for showing me this gem). When I think of all the bitter sadness of the ending of Harry’s House/Centerpiece and compare it with the joy at the end of H’s mv and how he hugs the blue character, who I think is pretty convincingly a representation of H’s inner child or inner sentiments; and when I imagine that that blue self could be analogous in some ways to the wife, who releases herself at the end of Harry’s House/Centerpiece, abandons the construction of a restrictive husband’s house and possibly moves to create her own— I really like the direction that leads, the suggestion that Harry’s House (H album) might be an ambivalent space, both something H has designed for himself and, at times, a cage of sorts— a place where there's comfort, predictability, and homeliness, as well as the pain of brutal self-honesty and a need for constant change and growth.

Five: You know it’s not the same as it was!!!!

Because— both songs end up reflecting heavily on the idea of change: it’s not the same as it was, the decay of the couple’s marriage. They're reflective songs, both with characters reminiscing about the past and comparing it to the future: Harry’s House/Centerpiece is mostly told in present tense, then goes back in time for a moment, then ends when the wife starts to look ahead to a new life, or at least starts to take vocal issue with her current one. And in AIW, I take the middle verse, at least, to be, like, a hodgepodge of memories? It's internal but relational, H speaking to a “you” and to, I think, himself also; Harry’s House/Centerpiece is detached, observational, third person mostly, but both are so personal, and both treat themes of shifting selfhood and how that shifts relationships over time, how that shifts everything, how that’s difficult. Importantly, Harry’s House/Centerpiece does this through the wife character— and with the song having been released in 1975, by an artist who has always discussed and sung openly about women and their particular experiences under a patriarchal system— there’s a lot of energy of, like. Resisting regressive and limiting social norms in and around this song and much of Joni’s music, especially as regards gender roles— which is obviously a theme H has treated many, many times in the past, in really exciting ways.

There’s certainly more I could say about Harry’s House/Centerpiece, and we'll see if there's more when the album comes out, but I’m just. Oooooo I’m so excited for what Harry might do with this Joni source material, or at least for the cool interactions that we’ll be able to pull from the two when we’re finally let into the whole of Harry’s House. <3

[likeadevils]

hey! for your post about sun moon and rising but with taylor albums, can you list out the characteristics of each album? i'm having a hard time associating them and it'd make it a lot easier, if you could do that :)

oh totally! Its really all about your personal association, so i’ll give vibes for the era and the album. a good rule of thumb is to read the prologue if you want the tone for the era quickly. honestly, there’s no set system, go wild

taylor swift (2006) “debut”

era: blue and teal and brown. cowboy boots and sundresses, wild curly hair, trucks and mud and wildflowers. very 2006, very high school, very country

album: swings between pining from a distance and wanting to destroy a boys whole ass life and feeling like you have no friends and no one understands you in the whole world. like I said, very high school, but also full of whole ass bangers

fearless (2008)

era: yellow and white. 24/7 prom. she’s got the fairy tale aesthetics set in high school, she’s got calling your ex boyfriend out on national television, she's got so many headbands. god to be 8 years old when the joe jonas/taylor swift drama was going down

album: again, fairy tale set in high school. lots of crushes, lots of realizing men aren’t shit. it’s about the pull between childhood ideals and real life tearing them down, and deciding how much you should cling to your dreams and how much you have to let them go. it’s also a pull between knowing that these little moments are kinda ridiculous but also taking everything so goddamn seriously

speak now (2010)

era: purple purple purple. she’s starting to grow up! her look has evolved out of sundresses and prom dresses and into a more preppy style. she’s moved out of fantasy and into this like. circus aesthetic? 30s movie type thing? watch the mean music video, idk how to explain it. her hair is still curly and but under control, and she’s solidly Famous at this point. the idea that she can’t sing is Big, and the man-eater stereotype is starting to get popular 

album: she’s starting to grow out of country. she’s experimenting with rock, but her pop sound is starting to take off. it’s all about Dramatics: she’s experienced her first heartbreak, broke someone else’s heart, and was in an emotionally abusive relationship all within two years. she’s moved out of her parents house and is both infantilized and forced to grow up to fast by the media.

red (2012)

era: its 2012 hipster style. her hair is Straight and she’s wearing vintage dresses everywhere, and she’s posting sketches of red lips and quotes from fitzgerald about heartbreak and finding yourself on instagram. she is dating and breaking up with harry styles Very Publically, and its the last major relationship she’ll have for two more years. the idea that she dates to much is everywhere, and she’s being slut shamed to an insane degree, while also being dismissed as a goody-two-shoes

album: it’s designed so each song has the opposite emotions of the song before it. it’s dramatic and it’s heart wrenching and it portrays these relationships that were toxic and messy and captivating. has the last vestiges of country, some more rock, and the first pure Pop songs, all nestled against each other to give you the epic highs and lows of being 22

1989 (2014)

era: its the height of her stardom, and she’s more beloved then she’s ever been and (probably) will ever be again. she’s cut her hair and moved to New York, she’s wearing high waisted stuff and taking polaroids, and she’s been single for two years and it’s has given her the freedom to find a “tight” group of friends and herself. shes talking about third wave feminism all the time, she’s papped every day, and she started dating c*lvin h*rris; they date for a year, he was the first boyfriend to be posted on social media, and the one she was with the longest (until her current bf). publically, she’s the happiest and most successful she’s ever been. personally, it’s more complicated, especially by the last few months. “she lost him, but she found herself and somehow that was everything” and “from the girl who said she would never cut her hair or move to new york or find happiness in a world where she wasn't in love”

album: single handedly brings 80s pop into the mainstream. (like seriously, her only contemporary influence is lana del rey, and even that is only on a few tracks. listening to this when it came out was a religious experience). it sounds basic now but only because she influenced all of the pop music that came after her. its also her first sonically cohesive album since fearless. subject matter wise, its very 80s movie. it’s the first album without a break up song that ruins a man's whole career— no cold as you, dear john, or all too well type. the relationship is on and off again, but more muted and mature then the tumultuous ones portrayed on red. its very star crossed; two people who just can’t find the right time. she’s also writing about how fame has affected her— blank space, shake it off, and i know places all directly reference it, but the idea that the whole world is watching is woven all throughout the album

bleachella (2016) 

this isn't an album but its definitely an era

taylor has become so oversaturated that people are starting to turn on her, and her mental health is suffering. her relationship with c*lvin h*rris is falling apart, she's changing her hair every couple of moths (most notably she bleaches it, and goes to coachella. so like bleachella), and then all of a sudden The Phone Call happens. kim and kanye release edited footage of a phone call that makes it seem like taylor swift is a liar who intentionally plays the victim to stay in the public’s good graces, and the world pounces on it. between that and the idea that her friend group is super cliche-y and exclusionary, her reputation is ruined and she goes in hiding for months. before going into hiding though, she breaks it off with c*lvin (he throws a FIT on twitter) and starts a whirlwind romance with tom hiddleston that includes them flying all over the world on vacations and meeting each others parents super quickly. this all happens in one summer.

reputation (2017)

era: black and white and gold. very edgy, very rich, lots of snakes and casual wealth. there’s the aesthetic of her being very hurt and defensive and lashing out, but the reality of her being the happiest she’s ever been. she’s still famous, but she’s learned how to have a private life and healthy relationships. the tough times have shown her who and what’s important to her

album: pretty much that. the first half is brash and bombastic and playing off what people expect her to be like, how they expect her to fall in and out of love quickly and manipulate those around her to see her as a good person (while exploring sounds that no one expected her to explore) and the second half slows it down and shows her falling in love more explicitly and sweetly and under cover. “in the death of her reputation she felt truly alive” and “finding love through all the noise”

lover (2019)

era: bright pink and pastels and bright colors and happiness and butterflies!! she’s in love and beloved by the general public again, but all of her past albums have been stolen from her by a man she thought she could trust. sadly cut off short by covid. “step into the daylight and let it go”

album: her messiest album (sonically) since red. a popular saying when it first came out was that it had the writing of speak now but the sound of 1989, which is... understandable? its the kind of thing you have to form your own opinion on. it’s on the surface all bubblegum pop and being in love, but it has some of the absolute saddest songs of her entire discography. a 18 song long rollercoaster

folklore and evermore

preface: these are definitely two separate albums and there’s a definitely a difference but this girl has so many albums and it’s taken me an hour to answer this ask and it’s 1am right now so i’m gonna smush them together. go listen to them, and we’re in the era right now

eras: it been covid so all we’ve got are a couple performances and the album visuals. cottagecore, a return to the small town setting of her first two albums, very understated and timeless. one noteworthy element is that both albums were surprise releases (especially after lover had almost a year of build up that kinda worked against it). she’s reached a level of artistic respect that she’s never had

albums: folklore is a level of sonic and thematic cohesion comparable to 1989, as well as having a similar feeling of like. oh god we’ve been waiting for you to make an album like this for years and you’ve still exceeded every exception and made it surprising. evermore is mostly a continuation of its sound, though it’s a bit more experimental. both albums are incredibly mature, and move into non-autobiographical storytelling for most of the songs. it’s easy to build your own world based on one or both of the albums. their main themes are also mostly divorced from relationships, and more tied to personal identity and mental state (though there is quite a bit about divorce and heartbreak in both)

[hui-ing]

Hello!! It's perfectly fine, you were tired then so I hope you were able to get good food and sleep 💖💖 + If it is your birthday today, happy birthday !!!

Ahhh I see, so it would be cool just to camp and stuff, I like that idea!! I will make sure to try out marshmallows over the fire then (smores? I'm not sure) and not burn it in the process 😂😂 That sounds lovely (I'm giddy about the idea!) because something warm like stew or soup or coffee would be perfect you know??? I have to try this at least once hhhh + blankets in case it gets cold??? Cute!!!

The idea of taking your paints with you when you travel and painting sounds absolutely soothing and ultra relaxing, like you would be in tune with the scenery, with or without music and painting away! On the topic of travelling, do you like nature documentaries?? // Sounds cool! // Woah 🤭🤭 that's a lot, so it would pretty nice to open it and find a lot of stuff, that's a lot to explore~~~ That's cute and although I see some problems occurring with that, it has its pros! // Yup! And at some point, I had even considered taking up a career in music but eventually I decided against it TT -- Was it classical?? I know some people who also didn't like the music which was the first I had heard considering people always tell me that they left because of the teachers ⭐ Sing and play the guitar?? That sounds nice~~ It takes a little getting used to but you'll get there + I always day dream that I'm a virtuoso performer playing for my friends (which I find a little and am not) but-- it's encouraging kkkkk

A mood-board sounds really nice, I would love it!! (Although you don't have to 😊) + ideas?? I won't be helpful here, my first thought was, 'Anything! Up to you 😄'

Hi! thank you 😊 how are you doing?

Campfire marshmallows are a classic for sure 😌 some of the things you can make while camping can be really good, like foil packet meals, chili, or even just hot dogs over the fire (though I don't recommend making pancakes over the campfire, it's super hard to keep the temperature right and they always turn out either runny or burned... eggs and breakfast sausages are a much better option for the morning lol) and yeah you definitely need a sleeping bag and a jacket, in my experience it's always colder at night than you think it will be 😂

I don't watch nature documentaries as much as I used to, but I really loved them when I was a kid! One of my favorites was the Life of Birds, with David Attenborough - have you seen that one?

Yeah kpop albums come with a lot more than western CDs! The group order thing can be a little risky, I've heard of people who took the money for the orders and then just kept all the albums 😭 but usually you can find someone trustworthy and professional sksdhsjgskddh

That's so cool! I actually liked the classical music a lot, since my mom listens to it, but it was when the lesson books moved into the more "experimental" music (like early 20th century?) that I started to lose interest 😔 I also didn't have other people to play with, I might have had an easier time sticking with it if there had been more opportunities to make music with others... Did you have a music group or are you more the type to enjoy playing on your own?

Hmm I will do some brainstorming then... 🤔 do you have a favorite color or aesthetic?

[cancerbiophd]

hey julia, im really sad because after a year or so of writing for a published paper, the prof analyzing the data found an inconsistency in my database and when he fixed it the new results he got changed the outline of our paper in a big way. i'm still getting primary authorship because i did all the data collecting and initial writing, but pretty much all i wrote is gonna have to be scrapped :( i was really proud of what i wrote and having it go through editing because it was mine (1/2)

(2/2)I feel so disappointed with everything though and i know it’s my first ever real writing experience but i was hoping it would work out a bit better :c im still gonna have access to see how the paper evolves and be invited to the talks about it, but it just isn’t mine anymore and i kind of feel like i failed, i was banking on this paper to apply for grad school because being published gives me an edge but it doesn’t feel like its my work anymore :( what do u do when u have a sad science day?

Oh maria /biiiig hug/ i’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. it’s ok to feel sad and disappointed because i know it’s tough to watch something you’ve worked so hard on get scrapped like that. but you know what? you’re tougher! and i know you’ll get through this. 

Firstly, give yourself a warm hug for completing the monumental task that is writing a manuscript, regardless of what ended up happening. Finishing something so challenging is not trivial! And you know what, all those experience points you gained by going through this journey are yours to keep. So when it comes to writing another manuscript in grad school, you’ll know exactly what to do! And that’s pretty great, yeah?

Secondly, I know you feel bad, and that’s ok, but I want to slip a note into your thoughts that you have not failed, my friend. You have not failed. Mistakes happen, even to seasoned professionals, because mistakes are a part of life. I guarantee you that every single research lab in existence right now (and have existed) has had to go back to square one or two and start over at some point. And they did, and fixed what needed to be fixed, and then carried on to do great things. Sometimes you gotta erase what’s already on the paper to make room for something more beautiful. 

If you feel this paper doesn’t feel like your baby anymore, that’s ok. I totally understand why you would feel that way, and if squishing and squeezing your emotions into accepting the paper like it was before is adding to the bad feels, then you don’t have to. You can just focus on and own the black and white facts of the paper: the experimental design, the science behind the data, the major conclusions, the impact on society, etc. There doesn’t have to be an emotional attachment to go with it if you don’t want to. 

And you know what, the changes to this paper doesn’t change who you are. Maria: you are still the smart, funny, caring, kind, and passionate person that I’ve gotten to know you as. You’re still the awesome person who took the time to put together the most in-depth and hilaaarious powerpoint of fish and fauna to see while snorkeling in the Bahamas for me. You’re still the brilliant marine biologist who has a (really impressive!) CV that 100% reflects your passion and commitment to your work. You’re still a person who will leave the world a better place, and I know this because you’ve already made my world a better place. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. 

I hope you’re starting to feel better now :) If not, here are some things I do if I have a Bad Science Day:

Cry it out. There’s an odd sort of comfort that comes after a good cry. So sometimes if I feel like I’ve been holding back, I exhale softly and let it all out. It doesn’t solve anything, I know, but I do feel a teeny bit better and a teeny bit more whole. 

Write it out. Something I’ve learned about myself is that my brain tends to over-exaggerate things when it’s just swirling thoughts. But when I write it out and everything gets organized, it turns out things aren’t so bad after all. So give it a go, either in a word doc, an actual journal, or even a tumblr post (that you don’t have to publish, of course). 

Talk it out. Related, going on a verbal rant (or even written rant to someone) helps in a similar way. Even if it’s in private to my favorite stuffed animal or a pet. Just anything to get the thoughts out!

Listen to “comfort” music. I have a playlist of my all-time favorite songs and I listen to it on the drive home and I always feel a lil better. It’s hard to not feel a little happy and carefree when your favorite jam comes on. 

Sleep it off. Sometimes all I need is a good night’s sleep (or even a nap) to clear my head. Also I love sleeping, so it always feels good no matter what. 

Do something comforting. Anything to release those sweet sweet endorphins. My ideas of comforting routines are: eating whatever I’m craving at the moment, watching a favorite TV show or movie (usually something I’ve already seen), curling up with a good book or magazine, scrolling through Tumblr, doing my nails, hugging my dog and/or husband until I feel better, and walking around Homegoods, my favorite store (I’d honestly live there if I could). Doing these things also helps in that it takes my mind off whatever’s bothering me, even temporarily. 

Give myself a pep talk. Ok, oddly enough, the pep-talk-voice in my head is Gordon Ramsay. I don’t know how it manifested as him, but when he’s not yelling at chefs to get their shit together, he has a really encouraging and soothing voice! Anyway, sometimes he sits me down and tells me that everything is going to be ok, and here’s what we do next alright? Just one step at a time ok? That’s it. Good job. Good job. 

Just keep working. Sometimes my Bad Science Day starts at 9 AM in the morning, or it’s just a continuous Bad Science Week/Month/Year. So I put those feelings on hold and just stick to my schedule and try to be as productive as I can. Because even if Experiment 1 didn’t work, Experiment 2 might, and if it does, I’ll feel a little better! And if Experiment 2 doesn’t work, well, at least I finished it, and I’ll still feel a little better! And in any case, my projects aren’t gonna do themselves, no matter how I feel. So in the wise words of Dory: “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”

I talk to my PI. I’m super lucky to have an understanding PI, and I’ve talked to her about my frustrations on more than one occasion and she’s worked with me to come up with good solutions, or have said things to make me feel better. PIs are full of wisdom from experiencing their own fair share of Bad Science Days so they have lots of advice on how to feel better, such as looking at my results a different way so it goes form :( to :)

I let the passing of time lessen the hurt. Time doesn’t always heal, but it does make things that were terrible at the moment not so bad anymore. So if nothing else makes me feel better, at least I know “this too shall pass”. 

I hope this helps. I know things are ugh right now, but you’re going to be ok. And I’m here for you, ok? Feel free to reach out via chat or email. I would very much like to help you feel better

[blackbird-brewster]

what are your thoughts on having sex with a good friend? A friend of mine suggested it when we both were pretty drunk, apparently i said we're not having sex that day (she told me this later, bc I have no memory about this, but we were both really drunk so i'm glad my drunk brain was responsible for once). I'm pretty hesitant because I know I'm gay (although I'm still a virgin), but last time we talked about this she said she's straight 1/2

and she keeps changing her mind about this, one day she’d say she’s bi and then she’s straight again (which is totally fine if she’s not sure or changes her mind, I’m just not sure if I want to be involved), but i don’t want to be some kind of experiment for her and i don’t want things to be awkward if she realises she’s not into it… so we’re going back and forth between ‘you don’t want to sleep with me’ and 'no YOU don’t want to sleep with me’ and idk what to do xD 2/2

Hello my beautiful Anon!

I’m going to answer this in two parts. To try and answer your main two questions. I have a lot of thoughts on this topic, apparently. 

Q1: What are my thoughts on sleeping with a good friend?

Okay, two years ago I would have never considered it tbh. I had never slept with a friend before. Basically, all of my past partners were romantic from the start. I had never gotten to know someone as a friend and THEN had sexual relations. 

But then! I met Doom Femme. And we were best friends and we flirted endlessly. Absolutely shameless flirting. I’m talking 3 hour lap dances but ‘yep, totes just friends!’ Finally, one day we were at dinner and we were dropping heavy sexual innuendo and I said “Hey, you know I’m serious about sleeping with you? I mean, I would be into that.” and she thought for a minute and said, “Oh, yeah. Same!”

So a week later we ended up sleeping together and it was super casual. And she didn’t stay over. And when we hung out it was chill. We totally believed we were happy with friends with benefits. Totally fiiiiinnnneeee. 

Three weeks later we talked about our feelings. Turned out we both had fallen madly in love but thought we couldn’t tell each other because we were ‘just having casual sex’. It was honestly peak queer obliviousness. 

We’ve been madly in love and beyond happy ever since. 

So, what do I think? I think if you and your friend are at a point you’re seriously discussing sleeping together, there’s probably something  else brewing.

Q2: What to do about your friend not really knowing their sexuality? 

Well, this is less of a clear answer. You mentioned you’re a virgin and so I understand your first time having sex may cause a bit of anxiety. First of A, society has put such a ridiculous shame and pressure around the archaic idea of ‘virginity’. Your first time doesn’t have to be super special or any sort of way. Unless that’s actually important to you! Honestly, you are probably going to have a whole lot of bad sex in your life, a lot of good sex, and a lot of meh sex. (Unless you’re ace or demi or sex isn’t your thing! And that’s rad and valid too!!!!!!!) So, push past putting pressure on yourself of the idea of ‘how’ your first experience should be. 

Now, just look at the question in front of you. ‘Do I want to have sex with someone who may or may not be attracted to [your gender]?’ I can’t actually answer that for you. I can tell you my experience. 

I was with a woman who identified as straight for most of the six years we were together. She always sort of said ‘I’m straight but I fell in love with you’ and that was okay for her. That was fine for both of us. When we separated and she dated men, then married one years later, that never surprised me. 

Another one of my partner’s had a personal crisis because she identified as a lesbian and I had come out as nonbinary.  The main point being, I don’t believe my partner’s identity negates or necessarily has to align with mine. She could be a lesbian and have fallen in love with me, didn’t mean she couldn’t identify as a lesbian (she didn’t see it that way. I mean, she turned out to be absolute transphobic trash.)

So maybe your friend is wanting to sleep with you to figure something out about themselves. Are you okay with that? What if you sleep together and it turns out you’re both queer as hell and everything is wonderful? What if you sleep together and turns out, one or both of you isn’t even into sex? 

The possibilities are endless, my love. My advice is, talk it out. Draw your boundaries and then go forth and fornicate! Life is way too short to not have experimental sex with friends. 

xx You’ve got this!

[we-pay-for-everything]

Just rewatched Blood Money and I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I didn't remember this episode being any good but now I find it very underrated. Do you have any thoughts on it?

YASSS! I love that episode! So glad you agree!

(Skip to the end of the page to “Read More”. I have a very long-winded, semi- pretentious, introspective, review for those of you who are into that.)

When I was first selecting episodes for my “Underrated Episodes” Meta Series, I wanted to include what I call “the season 2 trilogy” (not to be confused with the Pylea trilogy!): Blood Money, Happy Anniversary, and The Thin Dead Line. I call it a trilogy because the episodes are between Redefinition and Reprise. They’re the Darla-less episodes before the “finale”, and I find that they are a build-up to both Angel’s breakdown in Reprise, and Angel’s epiphany. 

In the end, I had to limit myself to write about just one of those episodes. I chose Happy Anniversary, since it stands to me as a more experimental AtS episode. 

Around the time I rewatched Happy Anniversary, I also rewatched Blood Money. I wrote a few notes on both episodes, but I’ve, unfortunately, thrown them away since! 

I’ve always liked Blood Money, for a lot of reasons:

Wesley, Cordelia and Gunn are delightful. From Cordelia’s little dance, to Gunn and Wes’s excited storytelling. The tape in particular is a highlight.

I love seeing Anne again: learning about her work and the admirable life she’s built for herself. Anne’s a success story of the Buffyverse. It says a lot about the nature of Angel that her story is told here, and not on BtVS.

Blood Money is quite funny. Merl is pathetically amusing, and Angel’s own brand of cynicism and mockery is even better ("Bean bag chairs? Merl...”).

Lilah has a more sophisticated sense of humor. She’s witty, eloquent, and deliciously cynical. Also, she looks gorgeous!

I always love Angel and Lilah together. Angel exposes Lilah’s vulnerability, and Lilah exposes Angel’s ruthlessness and bitterness.

Lindsey and Lilah make a pretty good duo too.

Boone betraying Wolfram&Hart is a nice plot-twist, along with the tape, of course. I think this episode presents a surprise at every turn.

Having said that, I also have a much “deeper” analysis of the episode, and why it appeals to me so much. Warning: this will be super long! Sorry! 

I think season 2 doesn’t challenge Angel’s ideas of right vs. wrong as much as it challenges his views on how to do good and evil. What’s right and what’s wrong is easily inferred. But it’s harder to grasp the many nuances of right vs. wrong. These nuances are what create that “grey area” that we all live in. For example, killing is wrong, but killing the right person might not be. It might be an evil way of doing good. 

This is what I like about Blood Money. It adds a different shade to the moral-grey area of AtS. In Reunion, Angel let people die. He even went as far as preventing them from escaping. This unmistakably evil act is attenuated by the fact that Angel didn’t execute the lawyers personally, and that they were imoral people anyway. It makes an evil act less evil. 

Blood Money is interesting because it presents the opposite perspective.  

Wolfram&Hart is unequivocally evil, so any money they make is stolen and dirty. But money itself isn’t evil - the ways of obtaining it are. Using money obtained by questionable means to do good is unequivocally good also, but that “goodness” is tainted by the money’s source. It's less good because of it.

Furthermore, what’s interesting about this contrast (Reunion vs. Blood Money) is Angel’s role in it. 

In Reunion, Angel goes too far. He gives in to his rage and to his powerlessness, and takes his revenge on Wolfram&Hart. In Blood Money, Angel attempts to stop Anne from going to far and using “blood” money. Angel is concerned mainly with Wolfram&Hart, but also trying to stop Anne from making the mistakes he did. Of course, the difference Angel doesn’t see is that he was wrong in Reunion while Anne was right, or more right, in Blood Money.

I think this contrast evinces Angel’s struggle to find his footing. He’s not wrong in opening up Anne’s eyes to the truth. But he also followed her and lied to her in the process. 

Blood Money plays a role in Angel’s actions in Reprise. Angel tries to see things as black and white as possible when it comes to Wolfram&Hart. He labels all things relating to them as “evil”. But Anne puts that into question. She worked with Wolfram&Hart, yet is not “evil”. In Reprise, Holland Manner points this out. He tells Angel that Wolfram&Hart exists because people do too. Their work is facilitated by humans, even ones with good intentions, like Anne. Everywhere Angel looks, he finds “evil” in himself (ie. his actions in Reunion), and “good” in Wolfram&Hart (Anne and human Darla). His breakdown in Reprise comes, in many ways, from Angel’s inability to make things simple and clear-cut. 

On the other hand, Anne shows Angel, in Blood Money, how she helps people, through small acts of kindness. She refused to let Wolfram&Hart blemish her good work. She turned a negative into a positive. This is what Angel does after Reprise. He ignores Wolfram&Hart and focuses his attentions on doing good, rather than fighting evil. 

This is why I believe all episodes in the Darla-hiatus are fundamental for the climax of Angel’s arc in Reprise and Epiphany. Each episode of that “trilogy” (Blood Money, Happy Anniversary, The Thin Dead Line) helped, in some way, to put things in perspective for Angel - especially without Darla complicating things.

Thanks for the ask!! I meant to be a lot more coherent than I was!!