#this was a really stupid story but I am still thinking about it at 9pm in my PJs

[misterellyott]

I have a lot of time at my night job to do things I like to do, like scroll tiktok and facebook. While scrolling tiktok a while back I came across a guy who reads AITA stories and I quickly got really into it.

He set up a podcast that covers his tiktoks and youtube videos so I can just listen to him while playing my stupid little idle phone games, which really gets me through the night and helps keep me on track and keeps me walking when I really just want to sit down.

But, I'm on a goal to walk at least 10k steps a day and most days I hit 20-30k as I a lot of the time end up walking my dogs for over an hour that day, as well as work a second job that requires me to be on my feet and moving around my store to ensure that everything is stocked and looking nice.

Anyways, listening to the podcast a lot of the time Dusty's wife Candy comes on a lot and it's really admiring to see a man who truly loves his wife and shows it in his words and actions. They have been together eight years and have a blended family. (he had three kids from a previous marriage, she had one kid, and then they had one kid together.)

It's given me a lot to think about as my marriage hasn't always been the best. We will have been married four years next year, and we have gone through a lot of ups and downs in that time, and yet we are still very close and very much in love.

The problem lies now in our son. He is biologically mine, and I think that has created a lot of issues with his mom.

She recently pointed out something that I had overlooked because I am busy working 70-80 hours a week and constantly out of the house. Our son is now in a phase where he doesn't want to listen to her, turns to me if he doesn't like what she has to say, and doesn't respect her answers.

Since she pointed that out I've been noticing it more and more.

Like the fact that he was staying at a friends house and texted me in the middle of my sleep to ask what time I wanted him home by. As I wouldn't be home that evening, I steadfastly told him, that he knows I sleep during the day and that I work in the evenings through the night that he needed to contact his mom to see what time she wanted him home as she would be the one home to hold him accountable.

Fast forward to the later afternoon, he text me asking me if I could pick him up at 9pm, the time his mom said she wanted him home by. I saw the text but got busy at my job and wasn't able to reply. About an hour later, he started trying to call me, and it triggered irrational anger and when I got a break in customers I texted him back that again, as I stated this morning, he needed to talk to his mom as I was at work.

Yes, I am his father, but he does have a mother, who is home more and provides more of his care at the moment as I'm otherwise indisposed.

I'm trying to think of a way to sit him down and have a conversation with him, rationally, and explain to him that unless I'm home (wednesday and thursday) that he needs to talk about things with his mom. I don't have the time to play go-between when I'm sleeping or at work and it's exhausting to always have to be the middle man.

He doesn't need me to be the middle man. His mom isn't mean, and she is always reasonable when he makes reasonable requests, so I don't see why I need to be involved with every little aspect of his life when his mom can and will handle it if I'm not there.

Yes, I want to be there for my son and I'm always happy to hear about his day and talk to him about things he is doing in school and the things he is excited about, etc. But, I don't understand why he still comes to me with questions like 'can I spend another night', 'what time should I be home', 'can you pick me up' etc. More so when he knows I'm working and can't answer those questions because I don't have any idea of what his mom might be planning for that evening/day/etc.

There is only one day a week every week that he knows we need him home and that's mondays. And every other week, he needs to be home for wednesday as that's family date night and we all go out and do something together, this past wednesday we went and saw the nun 2.

I don't know how to approach the conversation and ask why he feels that his mom's words aren't acceptable. Why does he always have to field everything my way?

Is he mad at her? Did she do something to upset him? Does he just not respect her? Or hopes that maybe I'll give a different answer? I just don't know.

Because even if he does ask me and I play go between, I always ask his mom what she thinks and then we come to an agreement and then I tell him what she says. Because usually, I don't really have any idea. I don't have any input as I'm not there so I don't argue with anything she says about it because she never makes unreasonable demands.

Is this just because I was basically a single father for ten years? Or is this because he doesn't respect her? I just don't know.

I'm tired of feeling like my family is divided and I'm the one caught in the middle and it needs to end and fast. We are family.

He has made the choice to basically go no contact with other biological father, more so because his other father has made it known in the past few years that he really has no interest and makes no effort to be there for him. (He can't even be bothered to text him happy birthday or merry christmas or anything).

And his mom has made every effort she can to be the best mom for him. So I just don't understand what is happening here.

Either it's just a teen being a teen or there are deeper issues at foot.

I wish therapy wasn't so difficult to come by where we live because we all really need to get into it.

Why is being an parent so damn difficult?

I guess I'll just wing it and see what happens. Or see if he is even willing to be honest with me in the first place.

[flrtwoo]

oreo mcflurry ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

sunwoo and you may not talk much anymore, but you do still share a love for oreo mcflurries

pairing: kim sunwoo x gn!reader

genre: fluffy fluff & a case of not-so-unrequited feelings 😋

warnings: mentions of food

wc: 1.6k

a/n: first oneshot ahahhaaha this was supposed to be a short drabble but i think i went too detailed with the situation <//3 HAHAHHAHAAH it's not even that eventful :"-) but i hope u all still like it! feedback is very much appreciated because i am so inexperienced in writing HUHU

you would call sunwoo a family friend; someone you saw whenever his parents and your parents would have lunch or dinner together with the rest of their highschool friends. sometimes, both your families, along with others, would even take a road trip out of town just for the adults to hang out and have fun.

he was someone you met every so often but never had the guts to talk to because you had, well, a tiny little crush on him.

your parents would tell you stories of your childhood friendship— ones where you'd share a smoothie with him, or run around calling him "it". however, your brain vaguely remembers a time when you've actually held up a decent, more-than-5-minute conversation with him, for turning double digits and going through puberty had distanced you two (like what happened to most childhood friends you didn't keep up with).

there was one memory with him you did clearly remember, though.

it was 9PM and your families were coming home from a road trip. his dad called your dad while driving, and said that they were stopping by the nearest mcdonald's because sunwoo was hungry. not wanting to go ahead, your family followed, parking in whatever mcdonald's branch his family was going to get food from.

you met them inside the restaurant as they were lining up to order. your family dragged you beside them so everyone could order at the same time. once your turn was up, 5 year old you and sunwoo both placed your hands on the edge of the counter and tiptoed to (more or less) meet the cashier's eyes.

"one oreo mcflurry please!" you two exclaimed simultaneously. your eyes widened, turning to meet sunwoo's similarly shocked expression. both parents laughed at the coincidence, and even his baby sister joined in on the laughter while chewing on a gummy.

that night, you and sunwoo bonded over rock paper scissors, red light green light in the restaurant's indoor playplace, and 2 sickeningly sweet oreo mcflurries.

it was a memory of yours that stayed rooted in your brain 15 years later.

fast forward to the present, you were walking along the bleachers of an outdoor stadium, trying to get to sunwoo and his football team.

you had received a call from your mom earlier that day about a last minute catch-up lunch with the kims, asking you to tell sunwoo about it. you had no other option but to oblige, so as you were walking across the stadium, you attempted to muster up every ounce of courage you had before speaking to him.

now that you thought about it, it was really quite sad that some dude you barely talked to had you wrapped around his finger just like that.

because both you and sunwoo were older and led more independent lives, your parents didn't bring you along meals with family friends as often anymore, which meant you didn't interact with sunwoo as much as you would have liked to.

well, you did go to the same school, however you got along with a completely different crowd compared to his, so your worlds never really clashed.

your mom sounded adamant on the phone though, so you knew there was no going out of this one. you ran down the bleachers and stood by the benches where the team's bags were.

not knowing what to do, you tried finding sunwoo among his teammates. he was pretty far though, as the running track and half the field separated the two of you, plus the 10AM sun was just not helping.

"i come to school on a saturday morning to pick up stupid documents from the registrar's office and now mom makes me run an errand his parents can so easily do through text" you grumbled, clearly not having it with the humidity and heat.

what you clearly did not notice too however, was that sunwoo had recognized you from afar and was jogging towards your direction. as you were texting your best friend and ranting about how stupid and annoying this whole situation was, you heard a certain someone call your name.

"y/n? what are you doing here?" sunwoo asked, confused but surprised at your appearance. you looked up, stunned to see your crush family friend in front of you.

"uh..." you started, but no words were coming out of your mouth. he laughed and waved a hand in front of your face. "earth to y/n?"

you shook your head. "SORRY... sorry yea um my mom asked me to tell you that we'll be having lunch together!"

"ohhh alright alright" he nodded in acknowledgement. suddenly, your phone dinged, which meant that you had just received a message. you looked at the screen to see who it was.

"aaaand also that i am riding with you going to the restaurant, apparently" you added, looking up from your phone and plastering a tight smile on your face to hide the embarrassment that continued to sink in.

sunwoo let out another laugh at your expression. "i'll be done soon, you can wait for me over at the bleachers!" he pointed to the seats behind you.

to be honest, waiting for sunwoo under the bright sun wasn't so bad, because it meant being able to watch him practice and gawk at how attractive he was kicking a football. "i can't believe a man has got me going insane" you thought, realizing how dumb your crush on him was (yet you knew you couldn't help it, which was the more annoying part).

once training was over, sunwoo grabbed his phone and a dry towel from his bag. he made his way up the bleachers towards you. sitting down beside you, you gave him a small smile.

"you must be tired, huh?"

"very" he laughed, drying his hair with his towel and hanging it around his neck.

you continued small talk about football training and whatnot, until he got a call from his dad.

"he brought us mcdonald's..." sunwoo said slowly, looking at you. after a few moments of eye contact, a mischievous smile appeared on his face. "race you to the entrance?"

right as he ended his question, you two zoomed down the bleachers and onto the running track, splitting up to either direction of the oval. you ran as fast you could, laughing about how childish this whole race was.

the entrance was all the way on the opposite side of where you and sunwoo were but fortunately, you made it there first. you greeted his dad and received the paper bag of food from his arms. mumbling something about how he had to get his car to pick you up, he rushed off, leaving you alone with the bag.

curious as to what was in it, you opened it to take a peek. the smell of oreos and ice cream suddenly filled your senses, transporting you back to a time full of nostalgic memories.

as you heard sunwoo's footsteps and heavy breathing nearing you, you brought out one of the cups from the bag.

"i didn't know you were still into mcflurries" you smiled, looking at the familiar packaging with weirdly sentimental eyes. "of course i am, how could i not!" he said enthusiastically, grabbing the cup from your hand.

he brought out the second mcflurry with his other hand and a grin. "you remembered?" shock written all over your face.

"again, how could i not?" he repeated more calmly this time, sending you a small wink.

you felt your cheeks warm up at the act, so you quickly thanked him, took your cup from his hold, and fished the bag for spoons in hopes of hiding the rising blush from him.

once you gave sunwoo a spoon, you both started making your way back to the benches to get his stuff.

"ice cream before lunch... i'm not surprised" you chuckled as you fed yourself a spoonful of the decadent dessert.

"it's hot, i'm hungry, and there's a mcdonald's nearby, give my dad and i a break" he teased, bumping your shoulder with his. "okay okay, you have a point." you raised your hands up in defeat.

as you walked side-by-side along the running track, sunwoo kept opening and closing his mouth, like he was having an internal debate whether or not he should say something.

"sooo y/n..."

you perked up at the sound of your name and hummed for him to continue.

"our families are always catching up, and not gonna lie it's getting old."

fear started consuming your thoughts, so you directed your attention on the ice cream you were eating in order to tune out your brain.

"i don't really want us to catch up with family anymore..."

your heart drops.

"...i was kinda hoping to catch up with you one on one sometime this week, if that's alright?"

your head shot up, and all of a sudden you were met with sunwoo's hopeful eyes, a few inches away from yours.

the close proximity between your faces made you both hold your breath, not expecting how near one was to the other.

"sure, of course, yea" you breathed out, slightly nodding at his question.

he shook his head and moved away to bring himself back to reality. you hadn't even realized that he was all good to go, training bag hanging from his shoulder.

"that's great, really great" he sighed out of relief, rubbing the back of his neck.

you two sent each other small smiles to full-on grins as you walked back to the entrance. "yep, i am officially insane" you told yourself, not believing what just happened in the last 30 minutes.

later that lunch, you and sunwoo exchanged numbers and bonded over stuck-up teachers, embarrassing stories, and 2 empty cups of oreo mcflurries.

[fivelakesinwriting]

The Other Woman Part 4 (Ward Cameron)

Author's Notes: I feel like I have this lovely little hub of people who are loving this story, and I am loving you back. Thank you.

Warnings: Cheating, Swearing, Sexual references - sexual innuendos, Smutty

Requested? Nope. Requests for OBX are OPEN!

*My work is not to be transferred, copied, translated or reposted to any other sites without my permission. Please see my masterlist for all other works and warnings. Thank you! xoxo

It had been a few weeks since Ward and Stella had been on the Druthers together. He had been busy his family and work. Ward could feel the pressure to connect with Stella, and his heart ached to be with her and his phone was ringing much more often.

"I need to talk to you." Her voice was sharp behind him at the country club as he stood at the bar with a few colleagues. He stood rigid, his glass tight in his hand. She never made her way to that end of the island unless invited.

And Ward did not invite her.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he cleared his throat as he turned around to see Stella.

She was so out of place in a short yellow sundress, and a denim jacket. Her arms crossed over her breasts which looked fuller than usual. He was practically salivating for her.

"Reservation." She snapped.

"Let's go over here. Excuse me a moment, won't you?" Ward held up a finger to his colleagues before he placed his hand on Stella's back and led her to a vacant hallway near the bar.

"You haven't been answering my calls." Stella stated firmly once they were alone.

"I know, and I'm sorry. Listen, we can plan a date. Go out on the boat again. We can go out to Charleston or something for the day. Whatever you like. I have to get back out there, honey. I'll try to call you tonight." Ward sighed as he smoothed over his beard.

"I'm pregnant, Ward." Stella blurted out, her hands running through her hair.

"Pregnant?" Ward asked under his breath, his eyes wide at the younger woman in front of him.

"Yeah. The one time, well two times you didn't wear a condom. All it took." Stella sighed as she looked down at her feet.

"I can't deal with this right now. I have a business lunch. Go home, and I'll come see you later. Don't go anywhere." Ward grumbled before he fixed the button of his suit, then walked back towards his colleagues.

Later that night, after 9pm, Ward pulled up at Stella's house and went inside without knocking. He poured himself a drink, then began to pace the small living as he thought.

"Jesus, Ward. You scared me." Stella gasped as she walked out of her bedroom in just a silk robe.

"How far along are you?" Ward asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Like three weeks, almost a month." She replied as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"And it's mine?" He asked, without even thinking, and his heart sank. He knew he had crossed a line. There was no chance it would be any man's baby on this Earth, but his.

Her hand connected with his face swiftly. Ward exhaled slowly through his nostrils, then brought his glass to his slips after she laid the harsh slap to his face. He deserved that.

"How dare you." Stella glared then jabbed a finger to his strong chest.

Ward finished off his drink in a quick swallow. He gently placed his glass on the table next to him then took hold of her face in his hand to make her look at him.

"I have to protect my stock, Stella." Ward replied firmly, but his eyes were gentle.

"No man has been inside of me, except for you, in over seven months, Ward." Stella glared, her jaw set, but her nipples hard.

Ward brought her face to his and kissed her firmly, he let go of her face to press his hand to her lower back and pull her against him. She whined against his mouth her hands gripping at the collar of his shirt as she licked inside mouth.

"Slow down." Ward chuckled, forcing her tongue out of his mouth. He untied her silk robe and admired her fuller breasts.

"No. You speed up." Stella whined as she reached for his belt buckle, kissing the corners of his mouth.

"Come here." Ward grunted as he grabbed her thighs, lifted her up and carried her to the desk on the corner of the room. He stood between her legs and pushed the silk robe around the small of her back, exposing her completely to him.

"Ward, please." Stella pressed her thighs to his hips to keep him close to her while her chest stuttered with her heavy breath.

"Look at you." Ward growled as he ran his fingers through her soaked folds. His heart jumped into his throat when she writhed beneath him at his soft, teasing touch.

"I can't stand this! It's been a month since you've been this close to me, and your baby is making me feral. Take your clothes off, Ward." Stella demanded with a glare as she grabbed the back of his neck and pulled herself against him.

Ward grunted against her lips as she kissed him firmly, rubbing herself against him over his slacks. He reached for her breasts and rolled her sensitive nipples making her gasp, his tongue slipping into her mouth.

"I'll take care of you." Ward growled as he pulled his hands from her breasts and placed them on her lower back.

"Right now, I just want you to fuck me." She panted as she unzipped his pants and pulled him out, giving his manhood a few pumps.

Ward moaned out loud, his head tossed back. He didn't remember either of his wives being like this while pregnant. He remembered a lot of foot rubs, and runs to the supermarket for strange snacks.

"I meant you and the baby, Stella. I'll take care of you." Ward breathed as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand off of him. He brought her knuckles to his lips, kissing them one by one while he caught his breath.

"I know you will, Ward. It's not about the money. I just want you in our lives." Stella replied, slowing down finally as he kissed the palm of her hand.

"I will be." Ward nodded, his eyes the brightest blue she had ever seen, looking at her sincerity. At least what she believed was sincerity.

"Ward, I'm still really, really horny. And you look really good in this shirt." Stella whispered as she pulled at the buttons of his blue plaid button up, her legs locked around his waist.

"You like it?" Ward smiled as he released her hand to place it back on her thigh.

"It makes your eyes even more blue." She whimpered as she pressed her fingertips to his chin, scratching at his beard.

"Thank you, honey." Ward replied softly as he let her scratch at his beard, loving her affection.

"I love you, Ward." Stella sighed as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her ankles hooked behind him.

"I love you, too."

*

Ward came home from Stella's late - too late. After midnight. Tannyhill had a dead quiet about it that was almost eerie. He shut the door behind him and locked the deadbolt as quietly as he could. He breathed a quiet sigh, ran a hand over his face and made his way to his office to try and tire himself out with work.

He closed the heavy door to his office over and slowly made his way to his plush chair. He sat down, extended his legs and rubbed his face with both hands.

This would be his fourth child.

"Shit." Ward mumbled into the palms of his hands as he pulled his hands down his face.

"Dad?"

He hadn't even heard her feet on the hardwood floors, or the creak of the door as she poked her sweet face in. But as he pulled his head out of his hands and looked at the heavy door, there stood his youngest.

"Wheezie, hi. What are you doing up? It's after midnight, sweetheart." Ward whispered with a soft wave of his hand, beckoning his daughter into his office.

"I couldn't sleep, and I heard the door open. I don't want to go to that stupid lunch with mom tomorrow." Wheezie replied as she picked at the papers on the edge of his desk. folding the edges.

"I think you'll have more fun than you think." Ward smiled softly, resting his cheek on one hand.

"Outer Banks Ladies Who Lunch..Dad, all ladies lunch. People need lunch. Food is of vital importance." Wheezie replied with a roll of her eyes as she flopped into the chair across from him, her posture slouched.

"Well, sweetheart. You have my permission to play on your phone when it gets incredibly dull." Ward chuckled as he ran the tips of his fingers over his chin.

Wheezie pursed her lips and nodded, picking at her cuticles. Ward watched her, the stubbornness of being born a Cameron radiating off of her. She was waiting to be given another option for her day tomorrow, but he wasn't going to give it to her.

"C'mon, sweetheart. Give me a hug and get upstairs to bed. It's very late." Ward spoke softly as he leaned back in his chair and opened his arms for a hug.

Wheezie sighed and pushed herself up from the chair and walked over to her father, wrapping her arms around his shoulders for a lazy hug. Ward pressed his hands between her shoulder blades and closed his eyes. Savouring the brief moment that it was just him, and his third child.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." Ward smiled as he pushed some of her long, beautiful hair from her face. She looked so much like his mother it still amazed him.

"Night." Wheezie mumbled as she turned and slowly made her way towards the door.

Ward let out a soft sigh as he opened up his laptop and pulled up a search engine. As he began to type, he looked up as he heard Wheezie call for him.

"Yeah, sweetheart?" He looked at her stood in the doorway, ready to close the door upon her exit.

"Who's Stella?"

Hottie List:

@starkey-babie @sodasback @fashion-fasting @barrysjumpsuit @beauvibaby @professional-busboy @soph0864 @vinniehcker

*tag list still open if you'd like to be added - just let me know!

Please let me know what you think if you have a moment! Thank you so much! xoxo

Requests for OBX ARE OPEN!

[lovesanmotion]

yandere!fanboy!ateez reacts: s/o writing a song about them

This is: requested | I guess....the yandere!ateez as fanboys are a success from what I can see. I only uploaded them without thinking. Also, don’t hesitate to blow up my request box! I’m jobless like Hongjoong, Yeosang and Wooyoung. Also, to the sender who requested this, thank you so much for appreciating my blog and writing! 

Lyrics I placed in order:  Love Battery - LOONA (Immortal Songs)  Shadow - F(x)  Going Crazy - Secret Jieun ft. BAP Yongguk Peekaboo - Red Velvet Shampoo - After School Babe - Hyuna Into You - Yuri Love Foolish - TWICE 

Hongjoong: 

“Even if you are not handsome, I like it. Even if you’re not buff, I like it. You are just for me, to me, you are the best.” 

Hongjoong stood among the crowd with a foolish smile painted on his lips. His hands placed on top of his chest as he listens to your new song that you are performing at your comeback concert. 

“Hold me one more time. Hold me tightly until I burst. Love’s effect must be fading. I need you.” 

A soft sigh escapes his lips dramatically. Lovestuck as he watches the love of his life sing a song about him and how she constantly needed his touch or else she’d die from his lack of attention on her. 

“Fill me with love. Love battery has drained. I can’t live without you, I really can’t live without you. You are my battery.” 

He clutches his chest tightly, his heart beating loudly inside. He didn’t cared how wild the others were cheering for your comeback stage, all that matters to him is that this song was made for him. Just for him. Normally he would promote your songs by requesting them on radio stations, but he hesitated on the idea of promoting it. This was his song. And only he gets the full rights to enjoy it. The others are just listening to it, he thought that you were kind enough to let everyone hear the song you made especially for him. 

“To me, you are everything. I like you so much, I totally like you. My only love, there’s no other, my love. You are the best.” 

As the comeback concert ended, everyone inside the concert hall talked about how your comeback song is a hit and promised to get you another music show win. The others gushed how you must be in love that you wrote a song about affection. 

Hongjoong could only chuckle to himself as he walks out of the venue, hands filled with your individual merchandise and a wallet almost empty after emptying the shelves of your concert goods. 

“Stupid fools think that the song is for them when in fact the song is about me. Me! Only me! Why would Y/N ever notice all of you when a whole me exists?” Hongjoong thought to himself as he walked alone late that night. 

Seonghwa: 

“Everyday, I secretly chase after your footsteps. I’m always careful so you won’t notice. No one says it but our date has started, our own date.” 

Click click! Seonghwa focuses his camera on a different angle before taking another shot of you. Click click! 

“Where are you going? Step by step, I follow you. Without a word you lead me. Step by step, did you notice me? I have nowhere to hide anymore.” 

Yesterday, Starlight made a comeback and today, they are performing their comeback song at a radio station. For this comeback, Starlight’s Y/N participated in the song writing, having been credited two songs in the mini album. She partook writing the comeback song! 

“When the sun rises, I walk in sync and together with you. I am really really into you. When the moon rises, you fall asleep in my arms. I really really like you.” 

Seonghwa’s parents had been praising him for landing a wonderful job in the corporate world. When in reality, he was only hired by a fellow sasaeng that gave him much flexible work hours so he could still manage to slip out of his work and follow your every footstep in the country or out. He was being paid fairly well even when all he did was just to follow you around.

“Day by day, we resemble each other more and more. Your laughter and tears, I know it all. Don’t be scared, were a fate tied by the sun, its our destiny to be together.” 

As the performance ended, the girls sat back down on their seats and the interview rolled in. Fansites can only hang outside of the studio, and of course, Seonghwa is up close, nearest to Y/N. 

“Congratulations to Starlight! This is their third comeback and the song is really catchy!” The MC remarked. 

“It’s sounds like a summer song! I heard Y/N took part in the production?” The second MC asked, the cameras then turned to face Y/N. Y/N who was flustered, nodded her head. “Yes” 

“Can you tell us the story behind the song? Your fans are dying to know the meaning behind such a good song.” The first MC says. 

Y/N held the microphone in her head, smiling, she explained: “This is a true to life song. I made a song about a guy who was really handsome and captured my heart. We were always going in the same direction and one time, his hand brushed into mine. And I felt so happy by the small connection.” Y/N chuckles. 

When Seonghwa heard about it, he lowered his camera and stared at Y/N. The song was about him. He remembered how he would spend his vacant period at work to follow Y/N when they were shooting an ad around Namsan because of the newly built skywalk. His hand brushed on hers when they were buying food at the convenient store. Seonghwa was so moved by the explanation that he felt like his feelings grew more for you. 

“My sunshine likes getting attention. My attention. That’s right, my sunshine, bathe in my attention only. ” 

Yunho: 

“It’s not love, this isn’t love. It’s just your obsession. Wherever, Whatever I do. It’s frightening. The you who watches me.”

Yunho watched as Y/N practices for her upcoming comeback stage at The Show next week. He admired how she dare approached a bold and mature comeback. And he was so happy to see this new side of his girl. However, he felt like he needed to be more protective of her since she was going for a more risque concept. 

“Have you gone crazy? Why are you like this? Please just leave me alone now. Seeing you is suffocating. Please disappear from my sight.” 

Yunho stood behind the cameras as he watches Y/N and the featured artist practice. He heard a few staffs make a comment about how the featured artist looks like him. And maybe how you might’ve fallen in love with him. Yunho’s feeling swelled when he heard of those comments. In fact, he was so happy that he heard it from them. But you on the other hand, why do you still deny your feelings for him? Why was it so hard for you to be up front and honest with what you feel? Is it because he works as your manager? You’re in the same company as he is? And that you kept insisting to be professional? At this point, Yunho would resign if that was the case. If he can’t have you because of his line of work, he would be more than pleased to resign and be in your arms everyday. 

“Get lost. Just back off. I really can’t breathe. Wherever I go, wherever I am. It’s frightening. The you who follows me.” 

Yunho managed to lift the debts off his family. After paying the debts, he was able to even buy a new home for them around Gangnam area. His parents hesitated on the idea at first since owning a land in Gangnam costs way more than renting, Yunho told them not to worry. Not to worry since he is being paid royalty in his job. After that, he was able to spoil you with luxurious gifts and live with you in your apartment. More like forced himself into your home. 

“This ain’t right, this isn’t love. It just hurts me, don’t be like this. I loved you. But I don’t now. Erase me from your memory.” 

And when the song was released, Yunho was all up for promoting it. He made everyone he know listen to the song in various streaming platforms and watch the MV as well. Whether you would like it or not, Yunho is here to stay in your life. Permanently. 

Yeosang: 

“Peekaboo! This is new, is this love? All my friends yell at me, they say I have a problem. I’m fine fine fine fine fine fine.” 

A small painted Yeosang lips as his eyes followed you on stage. He watched you as you danced in a tight red dress. That was his gift for you last Christmas to be exact. The designer brand didn’t really put it out for sale. They only made one and had it up for auction. It was a dress that accentuated your curves and complimented your skin. Yeosang won the auction and had it included in your next comeback. 

“Tag you’re it! It’ll be fun! I’ll include you here. Til the moon hangs on the jungle gym, let’s play” 

Since Yeosang is someone who holds a high position in the company, he made a proposal to be your sponsor. At first, your members didn’t like the idea since sponsors have a bad reputation attached to it. But you were naive and still proceeded with the sponsorship. You thought it would go bad, but Yeosang made you feel comfortable in his home and gave you all the fame that you wanted. Never did he once ask anything that was against your morals. 

“Peekaboo! It’s strange, you’re different. I stop this game and I look at you again. I’m not a fraid, because I just felt that a new story will begin” 

Your members were still cautious about Yeosang orbitting around you. There was something about him that they could not lay a finger on. Scared that they would find their contracts terminated the following day. But seeing you happy, they felt like they needed to stop. As long as you are happy, they are happy. Yeosang included. 

“Don’t worry, my love. You’re safe with me. Anyone who accuses you will come to me first.” 

San: 

It was 9pm when you made a surprise V live alone in the recording room of your company building. San was actually nearby, he was hid inside the convenient store where he bumped into you before. 

“Hello everyone! Have you all eaten? I missed you alot.” He watches his Y/N pout in the screen. His heart raced a bit, 

“I ate already, my love. Don’t worry.” San responds, as if it was only him that you were talking to. 

“I made a new song and I’m in the recording room. Apparently, I was given permission to spoil the song for you!” Y/N happily takes her phone and draws it closer to the company phone of where she is doing her live. 

“I wanna be shampoo Trickling down your hair I wanna embrace you With my strong fragrance  I will wrap around your entire body With white foam  So even the mirrors can’t see you I will cover you  So no one can have you You won’t ever get rid of my scent” 

“That’s all the spoil for now.” Y/N stops the recording and turns the camera to her face again. She leaned her face closer and read a few comments about how would the fans think. 

“What is your inspiration behind this song?” She read aloud. She leaned back in her seat with her lips pursed. “In all honesty, I met a male fan last week. I actually bumped into him and I was able to smell his perfume and...” Y/N paused. “He smelled so good that...was it possible to fall in love just by smelling their perfume?” Y/N chuckles softly. 

San had his eyes wide. The song was about him. He felt like bursting from his seat but he refrained himself from doing so. 

“I hope he isn’t a weird fan. I also have a fan who constantly bothers me even at the late hours. It’s bothering me. And I hope the person stops soon.” Y/N said. Double jackpot! He got mentioned twice by you. He couldn’t wait until the song releases, he was already booking train station platforms in honor for the release of your song. 

Mingi: 

Was it possible to fall in love with just a touch? Ever since the incident at the Incheon Airport, your company has become stricter and hired more bodyguards when it comes to outside activities. From what you heard, VS Media is even rewriting their rules when it comes to fan and idol gift giving. 

“Come on, let me play some more. Why treat babies gently, I cannot count on you, my age. You’ve walked in any magic. I am the one for you. Everyday I wake up. This is mine.” 

Ever since the incident at the airport, you slightly became uncomfortable with the idea of leaving the dorm. Despite your feelings, rest assured that your members were always there for you. 

“I am not sleeping today. I remember my eyes. I’m not sleeping.”

It’s been a month since you stepped foot inside the airport again, things were going okay. You were able to walk inside and through the gates without any problem. The fans still following your footsteps, you tried to loosen up yourself a bit - smiling and waving at them. Nothing could go wrong. 

Until, you saw a figure from your peripheral vision. You turned your head to take a look, but no one was there. Strange. As you and your group were able to board the plane, you took a seat near the window and pulled out your lyrics notebook. Flipping through the pages, you stopped at an unfinished work. The unfinished work is your solo song used as an outro for Starlight’s upcoming full album. 

“Babe babe babe in your eyes. Babe babe babe in your hand. My appearance is babe babe babe babe. I want to hear it again.”

“Are you writing a song?” You were startled with the question. You turned your head and didn’t noticed how a man with a mask and cap sat besides you already. 

“Yes I am” You spoke softly. “Can I read it?” the man besides you asked. 

You hesitantly gave him the notebook, the man took it and read through the lyrics. 

“I like how you composed the song. It’s still in its raw form too. You’re a genius.” The man complimented. You smiled and thanked him for the compliment. The next thing you knew shocked you. 

The man placed a hand on your knee, his other free hand removed his mask and cap. Song Mingi. At that moment, you couldn’t process what was happening. All you knew was that your mind kept telling you to tell at least your members. But your body started heating up at his touch. 

“Did you miss me?” 

Wooyoung: 

Wooyoung had disguised himself as the photographer for your album. The night before it came, he worked on creating his fake ID and borrowed a spare camera to use for the production. 

“At that smile that sees my eyes. For me, the whole world is bathed in light. Hold my hands and I close my eyes. I hope this time stops here.”

Wooyoung’s breath almost took away as he saw you in black under shorts and wrinkled and almost unbuttoned white button down. He didn’t know what the concept was but his eyes were already feasting on your body, not ever feeling full. 

“Fall in love more deeply, you and I. Let’s fall in deeply, you and I together. The one thing that I want. You seep into me, you spread inside of me.” 

“Ms Y/N taking the bold move of doing her first sexy concept.” Y/N’s manager teased her. Wooyoung knew everyone who was on set. Him, Y/N, Y/N’s manager, stylist, make up artist and a few production crew that wasn’t part of VS Media. 

“What’s the story behind this concept?” Y/N’s manager asked, Wooyoung could only stare in awe at Y/N. Never did he see this side of her. He always knew of Y/N as the sweet and bubbly girl in soft concepts. But of course, Wooyoung love to break the types. 

“I actually like to search my name on the internet. And I came across fanfics of myself.” Y/N chuckles. Oh that sweet sound that made Wooyoung’s heart beat fast. The audio recorders can never outdo it. 

“There is a certain blog that possibly does a lot. That blog posts photos of me, writes fanfics and posts my schedules too. He’s doing god works for my other fans.” Y/N chuckles. As the production of the photoshoot started, Wooyoung did his best to capture the real beauty of this side of Y/N. 

“What a hardworking fan. What’s the name of the blog?” 

“ForY/N” 

Wooyoung’s eyes widens as he heard the name of his blog. His blog inspired you to make a song....about him? 

“Filling my whole heart. With you, I feel my heart. Fall in love more deeply, you and I. Let’s fall in deeply, you and I together.” 

“The way that person writes really amazes me. I’d like to get to know the person.” Y/N explains. His mind fell into a spiral. Part of him wanted the song to be released already but there was also a part of him that wanted the song to be released for him only. 

“Wish will soon become tomorrow. Today is more heart fluttering than yesterday. I want to go together with you. Closer to the place where my dream reaches.”

The bonus thing about what Wooyoung did today is that as a photographer, he was able to keep some of the photos. Running away even with some. 

Jongho: 

Jongho fell in line for the release of your album. He was actually second in line as he was actually camping outside of the building of your company. 

“Everyday I called out your name, about a thousand times, about ten million times Before you finally heard it Cut and rewind, why can’t you be mine? Ooh the one who spins my head like this It’s you, just running running running around you  My repeatedly-midnight promise  I don’t know what to do”

Jongho, who had his arms crossed over his chest, looked up and down to turn around where that song was coming from. He hasn’t heard of this song but he knew that was your voice.

“Crazy love!  I love you, love you, hate, foolish Crazy love!  I love you Make me feel so high Love!  I love you, love you, hate, foolish Crazy love!  I hate you Make me so bad It’s weird, the more I fall for you I’m sorry, I’ll hate you I don’t know, I can’t explain this I’m trapped in a labyrinth of strange emotions”

The whole room was adorned with your own merchandise and on the TV display was actually an MV of your b side. Jongho took a basket and grabbed a handful of your limited and regular version of your albums, along with a packet of your photocards and a griptok. 

As he was in line to pay for his orders, in which his basket was filled as he actually bought more of your items. You made a sudden appearance into the room. For Jongho, he felt as if the room got brighter when you suddenly stepped inside. When it was his turn to pay for his items, the people behind the counter were amazed at how many he was able to fit into his basket. 

Tapping his feet impatiently, he wanted to be able to greet you before you left the room. When his bag was handed to him, he immediately took it and sped walk towards your direction, talking to a few. 

He felt as if the gods were with him. As he drew closer to you, the ones you were talking to left and it just you and him now. 

“Hello Y/N!” Jongho greeted. You turned to him happily. “Hello!” 

“I really really like this song of yours!” He gushed happily. “Can you tell me about it?” 

You nodded happily. “The song is actually about someone who makes me feel happy, the idea of love in a dangerous way? The idea send me thrills.” You chuckled. Jongho felt ecstatic. Beyond the moon even. You wrote a song about him! 

That afternoon when he got home, he made sure that everyone in Seoul would be able to hear the song that you made. It was for him so he had full brag rights to do so. 

[lotstradamus]

the image of manchester united being dumb lil shits at your hotel has very much made my evening, thank you. (though i am sure you do not feel the same on this being actually on the receiving end.)

omg I wasn’t allowed to talk about it when I worked there, and then when I left I just plain forgot because I have no cause or desire to think about football, but for your entertainment here is my personal favourite story SLASH NIGHTMARE that happened to me: 

the hotel is within walking distance of Old Trafford, so when Man Utd stayed before games they were sharing the hotel with four other floors all packed full of - if we were lucky - mostly oblivious fans. naturally, they arrived at the quietest possible time, through the back, and didn’t leave their floor. as front office staff we weren’t allowed, under pain of yell, to confirm the presence of Filthy Rich Twenty Year Old Pro Athletes in the building. Manchester Evening News posted pictures of them walking into the hotel, but if someone said ‘hey, so Man Utd are here?’ we had to be like ‘WHO???’ (after the first time they stayed, people started booking with us BECAUSE Man Utd did, which was why they eventually had to start sneaking in through the back, but I did once get to tell a little kid ‘No, sorry, Man United aren’t here, but tell your dad you should definitely be standing in reception at 9pm tonight’ and he got to meet Jesse Lingard and it was precious.) 

anyway, they brought their own security guards with them and posted them at either end of the corridor to make sure no one who shouldn’t be there snuck onto the floor, and DEFINITELY to make sure the players didn’t just come down into the reception in the middle of check-in time and walk straight into lobby full of Man Utd fans because they were told to GO DOWN THE EMERGENCY EXIT STAIRS AT THE END OF THE HALLWAY and they DID NOT LISTEN and were just like Haha, I’ll Get In The Lift ! Weeeee ! (this happened.) truly just epic dinguses. and BECAUSE they were Epic Dinguses, they would constantly call the front desk because they forget to pack a toothbrush or got locked out of their rooms. CONSTANTLY. one shift I talked to what felt like EVERY MEMBER OF THE 2018 TEAM on the GODDAMN PHONE. 

so one time, Ander Herrera (yes I had to google the roster) calls the desk from the massage room and says he was visiting someone else’s room and now he’s locked out of his. a regular degular occurrence; no cause for alarm. I said I would bring a new key up to the massage room for him. the ‘massage room’ was a really poncy name for what was basically a hotel room that housekeeping had taken the bed out of so they could set up their widdle massage tables, and the lock on the door was disabled so everyone could just wander in and out of it without needing a key. despite hearing the words ‘the massage room’ and saying the words ‘the massage room’ and, indeed, understanding the concept of a ‘massage room’, I DID NOT GRASP IT. I WAS TIRED, AND STRESSED, AND EVERY TIME I WENT TO THE FLOORS I HAD TO FIELD 478279 QUESTIONS FROM THE BAR STAFF ABOUT WHETHER I HAD BEEN TO A FOOTBALLER’S ROOM, AND I WAS JUST NOT FIRING ON ALL CYLINDERS.

I get up to the third floor, Foot Ball Habitat, and I’m like ‘hey security guard, Ander Herrera in 315 is locked out of his room, he asked if we could bring a new key to the massage room.’ and then I held out the key to the security guard, assuming that he would take it to The Massage Room. I was mistaken. idk if I was radiating I’m A Huge Professional Who Does Not Care About These Men energy or what, but he was just handwavingly like ‘no problem, you can take it down to him!’ and because I WAS a huge professional who did not care about these men, I TOOK IT TO THE STUPID MASSAGE(!) ROOM(!) MYSELF. 

I knock on the door. I hear ‘it’s open!’ I push the door open. and what am I greeted with? 

of course, I am greeting with the inner workings of A Massage Room!

there are two Manchester Utd players getting massages with tiny towels over their derrières. there are three more Manchester United players just hanging out, wearing tiny towels around their nèther règions. there is half fucking dressed Ander Herrera sitting on the sofa, waiting for his kèy. AND I HAD TO WALK INTO THAT HELLSCAPE AND GIVE THE MAN HIS KEY!!! 

listen: when I say my soul left my body, I am not exaggerating. I felt what only can be described as pure calm settle over me. my consciousness ollied THE FUCK out, and a customer service robot took over. I managed, through sheer force of will, to go totally blind. I have never IN MY LIFE been more professional. I don’t know if my face did anything other than turn freakishly blank, but I said ‘here’s your key’ and Ander Herrera said ‘thank you’ and I said ‘no worries’, and the customer service robot who was Ratatouilling my body got me the hell ass outta there. I even said thanks to the security guard who was partially responsible for the trauma I was currently living on my way past. he had no idea what had Happened To Me. 

I must have been slightly Gone behind the eyes still when I got back downstairs because the guys at the bar were like Uh, Are You Good? and when I relayed what had happened in what I’m sure was a completely normal voice they nearly cried. my front desk colleague wouldn’t let me answer the phone for the rest of the shift just in case nude football players needed anything else bringing to the massage room. (they did not.) when the general manager of the hotel came in on Monday morning he was like ‘sooooo I heard Man Utd gave you a strip tease?’ and I WASN’T. ALLOWED. TO TELL. ANYONE. 

to sum up: you literally never know WHAT is going to happen when you clock in for a shift at a hotel, and Ander Herrera if you’re reading this I hate your guts 

[the-enamorando-deity]

Okie dokie so for my first request, can I ask for a Yelena one with Pillow + tent + star gazing+ "Hey, if you were an animal, would you want to be one that walks or flies?" + "what are you waiting for?" Please and thank you, oh also *** ;) with Yelena being the top you're the best and congrats!!!!

i am......... SO FUCKING SORRY. the last few months i lost all inspiration but today i found it, and i’m gonna get right back to working on your requests. again i’m so sorry, i hope the word count and content shows a little much of how sorry i am, but you absolutely do not have to forgive me because i am a garbage person

but they WILL get done.

yelena belova x fem!reader, hello this is my first time writing in a while so bear with the shitty smut (18+ of course)

prompts: Yelena Pillow Tent Stargazing, “hey if you were an animal would you want to be one that walks or one that flies?” and “what are you waiting for”

Gazing at Stars

Your eyes rolled so far back into your head when you realised what month it was. Every year, Steve insisted on the team taking a trip together to some random place he would pull from a hat, and every year, it was camping in some dumpy forest. It was rather obvious that those were the only options, and it was compulsory.

Steve insisted it was team-building, and you knew that was bullshit. The only way he could get some peace was by dropping you all somewhere in pairs with a map, those few priceless hours all to himself as he set up the camp ground, and you all wandered aimlessly hoping to find a hotel rather than the same pile of tents.

Every year, you were all disappointed. You felt Yelena fidget next to you, her brow knitted together in concern and confusion. Nudging her softly, she flashed a meek smile to try and hide whatever was going on in her mind. You let it go for now, but as soon as the meeting was over, you stopped her in the hall.

‘Hey, Belova, what’s with your face in there?’ you queried, making sure no one else was around so she’d actually answer truthfully. ‘Almost looks like you hate camping as much as I do, which I thought was impossible.’

She also glanced around, but seemed hesitant to answer at all. ‘What is camping?’

Realisation struck, and you quickly scrambled to try and find the right way to describe it, without turning her against it too early. ‘Well, you can do it alone or with a group, and pretty much you all go into a forest and sleep there.’

‘For what purpose?’

You managed a smile, the now scared look in her eyes making you uneasy. ‘Uh, Steve likes to say for fun, Nat and I always say it’s more of a torture tactic, but it isn’t always so bad.’

‘It is, I think,’ she replied quietly. Seeing the confusion that spread from herself to you, Yelena forced a smile. ‘The Red Room did this too. They drive you to nowhere, and leave you, using only what you know from their teaching on how to get back. You don’t, you die.’

After trying to explain the difference between abandoning nine year olds in the frozen Russian tundra and sleeping in a tent around a bonfire for a few days, you knew Yelena was still concerned.

‘I’ll talk to Steve, I have an idea.’

‘Don’t do anything stupid,’ she remarked, quickly stretching herself out to her full height, which did nothing but make you laugh.

You winked and turned to find him, missing the rush of warmth that ran up Yelena’s body to her cheeks, holding there until you disappeared around the corner.

‘STEVEN!’ you shouted, delighted by the weary face that peered around the corner before you. ‘Good, you heard me.’

‘Hard not to, Y/N,’ he teased, ‘what do you need?’

Two weeks later, Steve stood in his usual place before the team. He gave you a quick nod, before announcing that this year’s camping trip would be set on the grounds of the Avengers Compound, due to certain restrictions and new recruits being unfamiliar with the whole process.

No one even glanced at Yelena, some others on the team just as fresh as herself. She squeezed your hand under the table as a thank you, but didn’t so much as spare a glance your way.

‘No technology is to be used, except in the usual 7pm to 9pm rule, unless with exceptional reason,’ he explained, ignoring the grumbles and groans. ‘Now, I have enlisted Friday’s help in coming up with a system for pairs.’

He droned on with each pair, no one really paying attention, knowing Steve would post it in the hall later.

'Yelena-’

Yelena froze at the mention of her name, unsure whether to stand or move or just continue breathing, all in the split second it took Steve to say your name right after. The sigh of relief was noticeable only to those on either side of her, you and Natasha exchanging a look behind her back.

When the day finally came, you and Natasha cornered the reformed assassin and took either of her arms.

‘What is this? Are you hazing me?’ 

‘What?’ you both laughed, shaking your heads. 

Natasha rolled her eyes and pulled her in tighter. ‘No, dumbass, we’re taking you down to the campground. Y/N and I are going to show you how to set up a tent.’

‘Don’t you have your own partner?’ Yelena grumbled, her relationship with Natasha just as sisterly as ever.

You and Natasha turned Yelena around to see Clint following behind, holding several large bags which Yelena could only assume were these “tents” you kept trying to explain. He ran to catch up, joining in on the current gossip session Nat was catching you all up on.

It’s not so bad, Yelena thought to herself, hiding a smile in her puffy jacket as you tightened your grip on her arm, pulling her a little closer. 

I don’t entirely hate this, she thought, unable to stop herself from laughing as you shoved popcorn up Bruce’s nose and the Hulk spit it out, or as you dared Thor to an eating challenge, only for him to balk and refuse after last time. Her favourite thing was the race between you and Steve, everyone refusing to let him know you cheated every time.

Hoping to distract everyone from the current story time in the circle, knowing your ass was about to be handed to you if Natasha or Steve knew how your last mission went, you turned to Yelena and posed a question. It was loud enough to intrigue the others, and your dumbassery was forgotten.

‘Hey, if you were an animal, would you want to be one that walks, or one that flies?’

Yelena seemed confused, but knew why you were trying to silence the story. ‘One that flies. They see more than the one who walks even knows exists.’

Tony jumped in next, his answer not very surprising. ‘I’m already both, why choose?’

The night progressed, and you started to think. You all knew camping really wasn’t so bad, it was only the concept of it, that or the fact that Steve enjoyed it a little too much.

Amidst the Asgardian Tales of Horror that Thor began to spin, you snuck Yelena away to show her your favourite part of camping, the only reason you didn’t vanish from the trip every year. Pillow tucked under your arm, you sighed a breath of relief and dropped it to the ground.

‘Y/N, I don’t think-’

‘I’m not saying trust me here, but I think you’ll like this.’

Yelena seemed concerned as you dropped to your knees and dragged her down beside you, looking into her eyes as your fingers lightly grabbed her chin, tilting her head skyward. Above you, the stars stretched out in an endless expanse, her chin dropping as she studied each one.

You had seen the stars plenty of times, but they were nothing like the ones you saw when she kissed you. She grabbed your hips and pulled your body close, turning you on your back, mumbling into your lips. Pulling away from you for only a moment, she moved to kneel over you, lowering herself so she could straddle you.

Her hands ran softly up the material of your shirt as she leaned down to kiss your neck, sucking a trail across your collarbone.

‘Are you okay with this?’ she whispered into your ear, the shivers running down your spine turning you into a malleable mess.

‘Extremely,’ you huffed, your hands on her toned back, pulling her down, closer.

You could feel the smirk cross her face as her hand drifted along your ribcage, tugging at the bottom of your shirt. Your jaw clenched at the soft touch, looking down just in time to see her lift your shirt up, kissing across your stomach. 

Biting your lip, you felt your legs clench together, but something was pressed between your thighs. Yelena used her knee to push yours apart, the pure rush you got from that movement only increasing your need for her to touch you.

‘Yelena-’

‘Beg me,’ she remarked, sucking at your skin softly, drifting lower as her fingers danced at the button on your jeans.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you felt yourself inching down towards her thigh, clenching your legs around hers. ‘Please,’ you started, looking directly into her eyes as she traced your stomach muscles with her tongue, ‘fuck me.’

‘Good girl.’

‘Christ,’ you moaned, the slow movement of your zipper sending interesting vibrations down your body. 

She seemed to enjoy riling you up, the slow movement of your jeans sliding down your legs torturous, her fingernails touching so lightly along your thighs it tickled, making you want her all over you at once. No matter how much you kicked your legs and squirmed to get her to touch you any faster, her pace didn’t differ.

You didn’t notice until the air hit you, but it wasn’t only your jeans she’d dragged painfully slowly down your legs. Her lips were softer than you expected, but her tongue was as sharp as her quick wit. A dangerous combination in most situations, yours included.

The moment you realised you were entirely exposed to the cool night air, Yelena had graciously moved her talents south. She traced an agonisingly slow trail up your folds, her touch registering on more than one level. You choked down a moan, grabbing your own hair with one hand, and Yelena’s with the other. 

She busied her self with tantalisingly slow tongue movements and soft kisses all over, fingers drifting up your skin and beneath your shirt. They squeezed at your breast over your bra, the clenching of her fingers in time with the flicks of her tongue over your clit.

If this was how you were going to die, you would already be in heaven. Positive your teeth were going to shatter from how hard you were clenching them, you tried to push yourself closer to her, wanting more and more.

She gladly obliged, taking your dripping clit into her mouth and sucking at it. Slowly at first, gentle and soft, your body tingling as you realised her other hand was holding your thigh, and her fingers were inching closer to you. Yelena knew exactly what she was doing, each movement like the most blissful torture one could imagine.

The release of your jaw came with a loud moan, Yelena’s fingers soaked with your slick, sliding easily inside you. You sank down against her hand, moving your hips and twisting yourself until she was right where you wanted her. Grinding hard against her hand and face, Yelena’s enhanced strength came in hand.

She moved faster and harder, fingers curling in all the right ways and tongue expertly teasing the most sensitive part of you. Your head fell back against the pillow, the stars in your eyes matching those above, sweet release coming only once Yelena had drawn you out to your maximum. 

You don’t know how long you lay there, trying to catch your breath, knowing the assassin still had every move, and the word “reformed” wasn’t in her vocabulary. She would had positively killed you with her talents, if she hadn’t already done so with her smile.

The pair of you exchanged tired glances for a moment, Yelena propped up on her elbow studying you.

‘I want to kiss you,’ she said softly.

‘Well, what are you waiting for?’ you smiled.

taglist: @marvelfansince08love @mymarvelwomen @imnotasuperhero @natasha-danvers @veteranwerewolf95 @monihaswritersblock @natasharomanoffswife @xxxtwilightaxelxxx 

[softest-cinnamon-roll]

College prompt "21.  I get stuck with a late class that doesn’t end until 9pm and I’m always anxious about walking across the campus to the dorms, so you offer to walk with me and one night, I find out that it’s in the exact opposite direction that you need to go in" + Reddie please! Thank you so much! 😊

When Eddie started his third year of college, he was sure that it was going to be the best year ever. He made a vow that summer to stop being so socially distant and go out to the clubs with his classmates. He made a deal with himself to actually try and make friends and maybe even, if he was lucky, find a boyfriend. That was until he received his schedule for the year, which included a mandatory class that finished at 9pm at night.

Having a late class wasn’t so bad in the summer, when it was still light outside and people were still walking around enjoying the daylight as much as they could. Late classes in the winter however? Not as fun. Especially not to someone like Eddie, whose dorm was all the way on the other side of campus and who was also riddled with anxiety.

Of course, he did his best to get the class changed. Surely there was another time that class was on that he could attend, but it turns out all of the other classes were full and that was also the only one running at his grade. Eddie really was screwed and as he walked out of the Dean’s building, he wiped the tears away from his eyes, sitting on the steps to calm down.

“It’ll be fine, it’ll be totally fine. Maybe- maybe Bill can come and meet you after class to walk home with you. That’s what friends are for right?” Eddie mumbled frantically to himself, trying not to fall into a panic attack. If that happened, whoever was around would look at his notebook for a contact, and find his mother's name. If anyone called her she would drag him back home so fast, muttering ‘I told you so’ all the way there.

Taking a few deep breaths, he found Bill’s number in his phone, dialling it and waiting for him to answer. When he did, Eddie explained the situation as calmly as he could, practically begging Bill to come and wait for him at 9pm when the class finishes every week. Due to it being on a Wednesday night, Bill had no issues with that and Eddie managed to calm himself down. See? All sorted.

It was all sorted for the first month into the semester. Eddie would stay at his 7pm class and at 9pm when it finished, Bill would be outside to walk him back to their dorm. It was a routine that Eddie was exceptionally grateful for, as he had no idea what he would have done otherwise. It was all fine, that is, until six weeks into his class and he received a very apologetic text message from Bill.

Eddie I’m so sorry. Something’s come up and I won’t be able to come meet you tonight. You think you’ll be okay walking home alone tonight? I’m really sorry! - Bill

The first thought that came into Eddie’s head wasn’t the thought of walking home alone, but about if Bill was okay. He was never one to bail on plans, so Eddie typed out a quick reply during their mid-lecture break.

Everything okay? - Eddie

Oh yeah, everything is fine! I just have a date that’s all! See you later. - Bill

Just like that, the worry about Bill was gone and it was replaced with the fear of having to walk across Campus alone in the dark. Slowly, he slipped out of his seat and walked up to the professor, quietly asking if he might be excused an hour early as he really didn’t want to walk home when it was pitch black outside. The professor was sympathetic, but explained that Eddie needed the credits to continue on to the next year, and the only way she could excuse him was if he was sick.

Resigning to his fate, Eddie turned around to head back to his seat, only to be stopped by a hand wrapping around his wrist and pulling him back. He turned around and looked down to see who it was, his eyes landing on one of his classmates, Richie Tozier. “Hey, uh, sorry but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. I actually head in the same direction as you after this class, so if you needed someone to walk you home...I’d be willing?” He smiled at Eddie, a soft and genuine smile that made him very trusting. “Only if you want to of course.”

“You- really?” Eddie asked, hope in his voice as he smiled down at Richie. “You’d really walk me home at 9pm at night? Are you sure? You don’t have to if it’s too much I completely understand.”

Richie shook his head, “I offered, didn’t I?” He let out a light laugh. “I don’t mind, honestly. I’m not about to let you walk home on your own when it clearly makes you feel anxious.” He let go of Eddie’s wrist, and immediately Eddie felt a weird feeling of loss in his stomach. “I’ll meet you at the door after class?”

Eddie nodded his head and headed back to his seat to finish the rest of the class. Once 9pm hit, the professor asked everyone to pack up and head home, and Eddie walked down the steps to where Richie was standing by the door. “I really can’t thank you enough for this,” he whispered as they headed out of the building and into the dark, brisk, night. “I’d have probably slept in the classroom tonight if it wasn’t for you.”

“The dark scares you that much?” Richie asked seriously as they fell into a light walk in the direction of Eddie’s dorm. “I mean I don’t blame you, it’s freaking terrifying sometimes, especially when there’s no street lights and you can barely see in front of you.”

Shaking his head, Eddie buried his hands into his pockets to shield them from the cold. “It’s not that, the dark I mean. It’s what lurks in the dark at night when you’re alone that worries me. You hear all the horror stories of people being kidnapped when walking home alone at night. I don’t want to become one of those stories. Anyway, people are safer in groups. I feel safer if there is someone else with me.”

Richie smiled a little, “So is that why Bill Denbrough comes to walk you home every week?” He asked, turning his head to face Eddie as they walked. Eddie nodded his head in confirmation, and Richie let out a breath. “So...he isn’t your boyfriend?”

At the mere mention of Bill being his boyfriend, Eddie came to a grounding halt, “What the fuck, oh my god, no!” He shook his head, feeling a little sick, “I’ve known Bill since we were little kids, there is- oh god absolutely not! Why would you put that thought into my head!”

“I’m sorry!” Richie raised his hands in surrender, his lips turned up into an even wider grin. “I am terrible at assuming, I’m sorry that I put that awful thought into your mind. Will you ever forgive me?” He asked, motioning for Eddie to continue to walk.

Eddie pursed his lips, falling back into line with Richie. They were almost halfway to his dorm now, and Eddie suddenly felt like he didn’t want the walk to end. Usually when he was with Bill, he couldn’t wait to get home, but when he was with Richie, he wanted it to drag out. Maybe it was because Eddie had been harbouring a secret crush for the class's comedian since they met at the end of his first year. Maybe it was also because Eddie thought that Richie might have had a crush on him too. It was that thought that made Eddie say what he said next, “You could buy me breakfast?” He asked.

Richie’s eyebrows disappeared above his hair and another smile broke out onto his face, “Eddie Kaspbrak, are you asking me to ask you on a date?” The smile had now turned into a smirk as Eddie shrugged and continued to walk. “You are! My my, I am flattered!”

“You could just have said no,” Eddie mumbled, keeping his head down, only for Richie to stop him by taking hold of his elbow.

“Hey, I didn’t say no,” Richie whispered, tilting Eddie’s head up so their eyes could meet. “Sorry- I tend to make stupid jokes when I’m nervous, and before you say anything, yes...you make me nervous.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You’re pretty amazing actually and I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while but...I was under the impression Denbrough was your boyfriend.”

Again, Eddie gagged at the thought and he shoved Richie back, “You- you need to stop bringing that up or I will actually barf right here on the sidewalk. Do you want that? Do you want to be responsible for me being sick all over the place where people walk?” He raised an eyebrow before laughing and starting to walk again.

“You are insufferable!” Richie called after him, jogging a little to catch up. By this point, they were basically at Eddie’s building and he came to a stop. “Is this you?” He asked, looking up at the dorm building. “Fancy, real classy dorm you have here.”

Eddie rolled his eyes a little, “Yours can’t be too different, right? Since you live close by? All the dorms in this area are the same.” He looked at Richie for confirmation, but this time it was his turn to avoid eye contact. “Richie? You- you do live around here...right?”

With a nervous chuckle, Richie lifted his eyes, “Funny story uh...my dorm is actually all the way on the other side of campus.” He smiled a little and Eddie’s eyes widened in shock. “Look don’t panic, it’s fine! I didn’t want you walking home alone and I also...really wanted to spend some time with you. Which I did by the way and I realised you are just as amazing as I knew you were. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I- I’m not mad at you, Richie,” Eddie whispered, looking back down the path that was dark and...empty. “I just- now you have to walk all the way back by yourself. It’s not safe.”

Richie shook his head, “I’ll be fine. I’m going to walk to that road end over there, and all a cab to take me to my dorm. I had it all planned out. Now you just- head inside and I will see you tomorrow...for breakfast.” He smiled down at Eddie. “A breakfast date...if you’re interested.”

Eddie smiled softly, “Oh I’m very interested,” he whispered and pulled Richie into a hug. “Thank you...so much. You’re really amazing too.” He pulled back, a blush on his cheeks and pulled out his phone, passing it to Richie. “Put your number in, and give me your phone...I’ll put mine in too.”

Once they had exchanged numbers, Eddie smiled and  turned to head into his dorm. Eddie heard Richie’s footsteps walking away and he paused on the step before turning around. “Richie wait!” He called out, running down the steps and then the few feet over to where Richie was standing. “You forgot something.”

“Wha-” Richie started, but was cut off as Eddie pushed up on his toes, bringing their lips together in a very soft kiss. When he caught on to what was happening, Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist, lifting him off the ground as he kissed him back, one hand moving from his waist to bury itself in Eddie’s hair. When they pulled back, breathing a little heavier and cheeks flushed, Richie exhaled, “Wow.”

“Goodnight Richie,” Eddie smiled, this time turning around and actually going into his dorm. Once he reached his room he closed the door, letting out a deep breath and sliding his back down the frame until he was sitting down. A squeal left his lips as he kicked his legs just a little in happiness.

Thank you, Bill!

* * * * * 

@bi-bi-richie @bovaque @derrylosers @eds-trashmouth @eduardoandale @girasol-eddie @halfway-happy353 @inthebreadbinwrites @its-stranger-than-you-think @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @lifesucksheres20bucks @lermanslogan @loserslibrary @losers-gotta-stick-together @madidraw @mars-14 @marsisaplanetyall @moonlightrichie @njess04 @no-she-wasnt-reddie @oldguybones @overcastedhills @pink-psychic @percejackson @purplepoisonedgem @rebecca-the-queen  @reddie-to-cryy @reddiesetandgo @richietoaster @roobarrtrashmouth @rreddies @s-onora @s-s-georgie  @sedanleystanley @sloppybitchreddie @spirited-marvel @stellarbisexual @studpuffin @sunxcherries @that-weird-girls-blog @thegoshdiddlydangdoor @thejadeazalea @thorn-harvester-ven @tinyarmedtrex @tozier-boy @tozierking @toziesque @trashmouthtozierr @twoidiotsinl0ve @violetreddie @wilding-throught-thehallways @xandertheundead 

[theyungrose]

Mistress (Joe Anoa’i X OC)

Chapter 1

Now before you all start calling me homewrecker this and clout-chasing hoe that, you should know that started off innocent... at least at the very beginning. It was never about ruining a happy home or trying to sleep my way to a championship, even though that’s ultimately how all this will be portrayed. 

The least I can do is sleep well at night knowing what I did and didn’t do. And the least you all could do is hear out the real story, not the exaggerated bullshit they spread on Twitter. 

It’s actually a pretty good story. 

Pictured Above: Me (said mistress) Inez Banks 

Being snowed in at a hotel could either be the worst travelling experience ever, or the perfect call out excuse; it all depends on how you cut it. It was Thursday night, meaning I should be in Syracuse; as should the rest of the roster.

Where were we instead? Snowed in to the Marriott hotel 35 miles away. Or at least I was, everyone’s travelling agent is different. I’m barely a superstar though, so I basically did this to myself. 

Either way, I wasn’t mad at it. At all. I’d already worked out earlier that morning, showered and did my makeup to leave at 4pm just as the snow was starting; and then I got the call from Stephanie. It was like when your school pops up on the news as closed for a snow day. 

Child, when I tell you I put on my sweats and tank top so fast. 

Now, it was 9pm, and it suddenly occurred to me that the hotel bar downstairs just might be open. What, you thought I was going to get blessed by this sudden off day and not get tipsy? 

Walking in, the lights were low and warm like a cafe, and they played soft radio music from a speaker in the corner. I took my seat at an empty booth and waited for a waiter to come. 

“How can I help you tonight miss?”

I was so busy scrolling through Twitter that I didn’t realize the waiter that came by my table, but when I looked up, it wasn’t his eyes that I caught. 

Instead it was the medium brown pair watching me from the bar. They were just like mine, yet it was like I’d never seen eyes like his before. It was like being caught in headlights but not out of fear, just sheer intrigue. 

“Ma’am?”

The slight impatience in my waiter’s tone snapped me back to reality, I hadn’t even realized I was staring. 

“Hi... yeah sorry. Do you have Chateau Rosé?” 

“Would you like a glass or a bottle.” 

I couldn’t help myself. My eyes looked past the waiter again to find the same pair still staring from across the restaurant, as if they had never moved. 

“...the bottle.” 

I grinned softly, now finding myself completely enthralled in this stranger, who actually wasn’t that much of a stranger. Only a stranger to me because, before this moment, I’d never met him in person or seen him in passing.

Remember, I’m barely a superstar. Just a dark match competitor from NXT that occasionally shows face on live events. 

That’s when he stood up. Whiskey glass in hand, he rose from his stool and started making his way over to me. I was too awkward to stare him in his face as he approached so I looked down at my phone until he was in close enough proximity. 

“Can I join you?”

Even his voice could sell porn. 

“Sure there ain’t no one else sitting there.” 

He smirked sliding in the booth seat across from me just as the waiter returned with my bottle.

“Should I bring another cup?”

“Yes.”

“Yes.” 

Yes, we said it at the exact same time. If that’s not the cutest, corniest, cliche shit I’ve ever heard then I don’t want to hear what is. The waiter even chuckled a bit as he left to the back.

“My name’s...”

“Amara. I know.” 

The shock had to be written all over my face as I looked back at him. His smirk grew wider as he toyed with the rim of my glass, eyes still intensely on me.

“Yeah... my real name’s Inez. How did you know my stage name though?”

“I’ve seen you before. A couple times actually. You’ve just never seen me see you.” 

Immediately, I got wet. Have I really had this sex God in mortal man’s clothing on my body all this time and not realized it? Am I blind? 

“I’m Joseph, I prefer Joe way more though. Please don’t call me Joseph.”

It was so cute how he introduced himself as if I-- (A.) didn’t already know who he was, and (B.) wasn’t already borderline obsessed with him. As is every other woman that has seen him.

Including the one reading this story. 

“Okay Joe, you can just call me Inez. You can’t make many nicknames out of that ‘cuz it’s only four letters, its kinda boring.”

“I don’t think so... it’s cute actually. Unique.” 

Were his eyes this intense when he talked to everyone else or was it just me? It felt like I was melting under his gaze, and in the best way possible. 

“Crazy about the storm right? I got in from the gym right as it was starting, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.”

I nodded, watching the snow continue to fall through the wall-length windows across from us. 

“Me either, but it’s so pretty... and these hotel beds are hella comfortable so I’m not the slightest bit annoyed.”

Joe’s eyes were watching me over the rim of his wine glass as I looked back at him; I really couldn’t look this man in his face when his eyes were on me. It felt like I was smiling so hard I looked stupid. 

“Have you been here long? It looks pretty empty.”

“It was until I came in about an hour ago. I was actually about to leave but then... the prettiest female walked in.” 

Woosh. 

Use context clues to figure out what that sound means. I actually had to shift in my seat just to maintain my composure. If you put me next to a red crayon right now I swear you couldn’t tell the difference. 

“And it was perfect timing too. I was so bored I actually considered driving to another city to see my friend.” 

This time I smirked, now slightly more relaxed as I moved to my second glass of rose. 

“Well your welcome for saving you a very cold and lonely night in your car.”

For the first time since meeting him I heard him laugh, and I was convinced that I would dedicate the rest of my life doing anything to hear that sound again. 

“Much obliged princess.” 

I couldn’t tell if he was saying that to flirt or if he was alluding to my ring name “Princess” Amara, so I just took it both ways. (wink wink.) 

One hour stretched to two, then two reached out to three, and before either of us actually realized it was 12:15 the next morning and we were halfway through another bottle of Chateau. 

“Sorry guys I’ve stretched my boss out long enough, he’s ready to close up for the night. You guys are welcome to take the bottle with you though.” 

We both smiled at the waiter, he was the real MVP of the night. Joe paid for the second bottle and tipped him generously, then with his elbow locked around mine we sauntered our way slowly to the elevators. To anyone else this might’ve looked like a romantic gesture; and while it was really cute, Joe had already been drinking and the wine was starting to beat me already, so I knew it was beating him too. 

“What floor is your room on?” 

“One.... one plus five.”

I held up the numbers on my hands to show him, and he stared at them for a second.

“So six?” 

“No goofy, that equals fifteen!” 

It was a good thing we were on an elevator as loud as we were being.

“That’s not how math works sweet pea.” 

We both had rooms on the top floor, and admittedly, sobriety kicked in a bit when I realized this meant I had to leave him. 

“Do you know how to play cards?”

Midway down the hallway towards my room Joe’s sudden question stopped me in my tracks. I turned around to see him a couple of steps behind me.

“Yeah... yeah I know how to play cards.” 

At that response Joe quickly closed the space between us, so close that I had to tilt my head up so I could see his face. 

“Do you want to?” 

And I was back to melting under his gaze again. This time there was no hesitation. 

“Yes.”

Joe’s lips spread into a grin that covered his whole face, and I felt his hand reach down to gently grab mine. They were rough yet warm as he led me away from my door and in the opposite direction.

Tag List

@msbigredmachine @romanreigns @fatedxdestiny @thewrestlingobsessor@saccreigns @lavitabella87

[hardsquare]

Every wave of the storm

In the beginning, Steve had no one — the world around him was his own, quiet, barbaric nightmare. And then, Steve had Bucky. And things started to change; Steve learned to blossom.

wc ~ 3k.

[READ ON AO3]

4th July 2019 - 2:33 am

Steve is not good with sleeping. He doesn't really know what time it is exactly, but he knows that the night is pitch black and that the moon is high in the sky. He knows that, because he never closes his curtains. Not completely, at least. Not that Steve is afraid of the dark, not anymore. He just loves to stare at the empty nothing during his sleepless nights. And he’s okay with that, really. He made peace with his incapability to have a healthy sleep schedule a long time ago.

When he can’t sleep, like tonight - and a lot of other nights, let’s be honest -, he takes time to analyze everything that’s around him. The bed, the soft comforter around him, the paintings  - his paintings- on the walls. The bottle of water on his nightstand, the record player on the corner of the room with the Led Zeppelin vinyl still on it - he can’t help himself, he physically has to listen to ‘ I can’t quit you baby’ at least 4 times a day or he’s not in his right state of mind.

Anyway, the room is still the same in the middle of the night than it is at 3pm, or even 9pm for that matter. There is still something  different about the darkness of his apartment. The shapes on the wall in front of the bed, more like shadows actually. Steve used to be so afraid of them. Especially at night, just like this. Now he just embraces it. He tells himself entire stories about the strange silhouettes in the obscurity, as if it’s now his own little garden of Eden.

While observing this weird dance in front of him, Steve allows himself to drift into his memories, when he was still afraid of the dark.

4th July, 2002

It’s a sunny and beautiful day, and most of all: it’s Steve’s 8th birthday. He’s just finished eating his lunch with his mother; she made a chocolate cake for him and Steve just feels happy, because he knows his mom doesn’t have much money for this. Yet, every year she never fails to cook a homemade chocolate birthday cake. Steve loves his mom so much.

“Don’t forget to make a wish, honey,” Sarah says, just after humming the happy birthday song to his son. Steve closes his eyes, and thinks about what he could wish for. Maybe more money so his Ma could be home with him more? Maybe a shiny new bike? What about a healthy year, for a change? He squints his eyes even more and wishes, he wishes so hard that this year, maybe, he won’t feel as lonely as the previous ones. With that thought in mind, he blows his eight candles in one go.

When Steve arrives at the playground, his fingers are wrapped tight around the cake’s leftovers he brought with him. He originally wanted to share it with the kids here. They are children from his apartment building and they are all about his age.  His mom always asks why he’s not hanging out more with them, and he never wants to say that he tried , they just don’t want him . But Steve thinks maybe today is the day. So he walks, confident, and introduces himself again. “Hey guys, it’s my birthday today! Do y’all want some cake? It’s chocolate !”

There’s a big blank as the kids just turn over to Steve and look at him from head to toes, like he’s some kind of alien or such. Steve can actually see them laugh at him, talking among themselves and pointing fingers. But all Steve can hear is a mess of confusion. “Hah, guys, Rogers is at it again with his stupid cake, like we’re gonna want to hang out with you, you stupid freak.”

And they all laugh, again. Steve turns around, holding his tears, dropping the cake on the ground. He runs back to his house and goes straight to his bedroom to unload the tears. Steve has always been an unhealthy child, as you could say. He has asthma, arrhythmia, and weak muscles. He always has clutches or a cast on any of his limbs.

And he can’t hear. Not well at least. And Steve can’t remember a time when he was able to listen, really listen , to a conversation between him and more than two people at once.

People never try to help him with that. Not the other kids, not the doctors, not even the teachers. Beside his mom, he has always been alone. He knew from the beginning he needed to be fixed, he just didn’t know how . Sarah has the decency to give him some time before she’s knocking softly at his door.

“Honey, baby. What’s wrong ?”

She helps herself in the little boy’s bedroom and sits carefully on the edge of the bed.

“They all think I’m a freak” Steve sniffs, his face still in his pillow, holding his eeyore’s plushie close to his heart. Sarah looks at her son, putting her hand on the nape of his neck. After a little while, he turns around to watch her.

“And why would they think that?” “I don’t know, maybe I am.”

Steve is still crying, but the touch of her mom and her simple presence makes him feel a little bit better. “Honey, you can tell me what happened. I’m not going to be mad at you, I promise.”

Steve knows her mom is telling the truth, she always does. He sits himself on the bed, not looking at his mom’s eyes, ashamed.

“I could not hear them, mom. I can never really hear them. It’s wrong, everything is wrong with me.” He can feel the sad sigh his mother makes.

“Baby, I need you to listen to me very carefully. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re absolutely perfect the way you are. Those children don’t know how special you are, and the fact that you can’t really hear the right way does not mean you’re broken. I wish that someday you’ll be able to understand that.”

And with those words, she’s taking her son into her arms and holding him tightly against her chest.

Deep down, Steve might know his Ma is right. That he should not care about what some random stupid kids think of him.

But it still hurts. And in his little boy’s heart, he can’t stop thinking about how shattered he is.

28th August, 2005

Steve has always loved summer. He can’t really get sick, and he can spend hours under the sun drawing everything he sees around him.

He’s eleven years old now and he’s learnt to spend his time alone. Not that he wants to, it’s just easiest this way, is all. Today is a particularly gorgeous day. He is sitting on a bench in the garden attached to his block. He’s alone, except for the old lady feeding the birds, but it’s okay, Steve likes the old lady.

He can sometimes see his mom watching him from their balcony three floors above. He knows she wants to be discreet so he just smirks to himself and dives into his sketchbook a little more. Today he feels like drawing his mother. Of course there’s a lot of her in his sketches, but he adores her and he doesn’t have many more models, anyway. He decides to draw her with a big smile on her face, holding the birthday cake she always makes for him on July 4th.

Not so strangely, this memory brings a lot of mixed feelings to Steve. Happiness, sorrow, all the things Steve does not want to think about at the moment.

He is focusing on his mother’s eyes when he feels a little tap on his shoulder.

He turns around, abruptly. “What?!” “Hum, hey? I’m sorry, I called you but I’m not sure you heard me so I, hum..”

A dark haired boy about his age is standing in front of him. Steve has never seen him here and by the look on the boy’s face, he truly has no intention of mocking him. “S’okay… Do you want something?”

Steve really, really , tries to be nice with the stranger. He’s just not used to having conversations with kids his age, that’s all. The boys seem confused at first but still smile widely at Steve.

“Not really, I just wanted to introduce myself. Me and my family just moved to this building,” he points at the block Steve and his Ma lives. “My name is Bucky!”

He extends his hand to Steve, watching him like he’s the goddamn sun- or maybe he’s just facing the actual sun, that’s why. Steve shakes his hand and attempts a smile, “Nice to meet you, I’m Steve.” And with the years passing, Steve actually learns that Bucky wasn’t trying to mock him on this brightful day. And it might just have been the best day of his entire life.

18th September, 2009

It’s the third time since the beginning of the school year. Somehow, Steve always finds himself stuck in an alley with assholes insulting him, shouting at him, as if he could hear them. So he does the only thing he can think of: he fucking punches them in the face.

Unfortunately for Steve, he’s still very much skinny, he still very much can’t breathe correctly; and when the dude hits back he hits hard, and Steve falls on his ass and against the wall. “Hey Rogers, it’s just us now, can you hear me or are you just pretending like you always do?”

Ah, yes. When he was a child, the other kids were laughing at him because he could not hear them correctly. Now, they’d think he was just lying to them, like it was funny for him to constantly ask people to repeat, please; and like it’s hilarious to be hit in some random alley by the same jackass every week.

“Fuck you, shithead,” Steve mutters under his breath. He is not about to bend down in front of this prick. Yes, even if he is indeed ass on the ground right now. As he waits for the next punch to come, he closes his eyes and feels absolutely nothing .

He cocks an eyebrow and opens only one of his eyes.

And he sees Bucky, actually pulling one of the guys by the collar, looking considerably pissed . Steve doesn’t know if it’s at him, but he’s glad his friend is here, - once again. The next few minutes are a mess of words shouted that Steve doesn’t understand, punches and name callings. When the guys finally leave, Bucky is all over Steve; who is still sitting on his butt on the floor, thank you very much.

“Damn Stevie, did they hurt you ?”

So, Steve can guess that Bucky is not mad at him, and that’s good.

“Why did you have to punch them? Can’t you walk away and let them talk like the stupid fuckheads they are?!”

Okay, so maybe Bucky is a little bit pissed, actually. Steve suddenly loses it and pushes Bucky away from him, before he gets up.

“Because, Bucky. I’m tired of being insulted and treated like I’m a freak or something. I know I am, they don’t need to remind me everytime they see me. But nothing, absolutely nothing can fix this. Can fix me .”

The look on Bucky’s face stiffens. “You’re not a freak, stop saying that.”

Steve can actually see that he’s trying. He’s trying so much to make him feel better. But he can’t and Steve knows that. The struggle he feels, and the loneliness he experiences every damn seconds of his damned life, Bucky can’t do anything about this.

With tears and a heavy heart, Steve turns around and begins to walk.

“Whatever, let’s go home.”

And it kills him to turn away from Bucky, because he knows that someday, perhaps he’ll leave too.

And he’s not sure his heart can handle a life without Bucky.

23rd November, 2012.

Bucky didn’t leave. Quite the opposite, actually.

Bucky stayed and was here for every step of Steve’s difficult life.

Surgeries, medical treatment gone bad, relapses, aftermaths... Bucky was always here, taking him to the hospital, at his bedside when he woke up from anesthesias. And it honestly makes Steve’s heart fly like a freaking butterfly. He cannot really understand that already, but he likes it. Maybe more than that. But what Steve is about to do, he needs to do it alone. Without Bucky, without his mom. On his own. And with all the confidence he has in his gut, he steps inside the store for his appointment.

When they put the device onto his ears, it first feels strange. Weird. He’s so used to not being able to hear, it’s almost too much. The person in charge assures him that it’ll feel better with time, he just needs to get used to it.

As soon as Steve gets out of the store, he feels like a train is rolling towards him at full speed. What the fuck is happenning, and why is everything so damn loud, and why the hell are those people even talking about on this damn tv program, and oh god why is this woman’s voice so acute and - oh, God.

Steve has to find Bucky. He has to find him right now, because the only thing he can think of is how much he aches for Bucky’s voice. Running full speed is not a problem anymore for Steve. After his heart surgery, his stamina is almost back to normal. But it’s enough for him to run to Bucky today.

He finds him sitting on their bench, the one where they met all those years ago, the one where they always hang out when they have free time. Bucky is wrapped in his big coat and scarf, scrolling on his phone, like nothing has changed.

He sees him running to him so he puts his phone in his pocket and genuinely smiles at him.

“Hey Steve, what’s up ?”

And Steve…  Steve can’t answer.

Because Steve is now crying his heart out and sobbing like it’s his eighth birthday all over again. Because he can finally, after all this time, hear his best friend’s voice. His raspy yet chocolate coated voice that he somehow already loves with his whole being. “What? Steve? Is everything okay? I swear to God if those punks are messing with you again Imma throw hands.”

Steve can see that Bucky is, honest to god, freaking out, holding him close. But he can’t help himself and cries and cries. And when he can finally compose himself a bit, he looks at Bucky in his beautiful grey eyes, and just kisses him.

Bucky pauses for a moment, then he deepens the kiss and it’s the most perfect, messy, and actually the only kiss of Steve’s entire life. It’s short and chaste but when their lips parts, Bucky still seems confused.

“Sorry,” Steve whispers, actually not sorry at all.

“Oh God, no, don’t be,” Bucky pauses. “But I still gotta ask, what happened, Stevie?”

Steve is looking at him in the eyes, instead of at his lips like he always had to do since they met, because he had to lipread. But now, now he doesn’t have to.

And something must click in Bucky’s big brain because his eyes widens and his mouth opens like he just saw a giant bee in the middle of Steve’s forehead. “Steve, are you...?” And gently, he tucks one of Steve’s long locks behind his ear and sees. “Oh my god Steve! When?” “Today, I ran as fast as I could, I wanted to hear your voice.”

And Bucky smiles, smiles. And he never stops smiling at Steve, like he’s the goddamn sun. But this time, it’s a gloomy November greyish day and there’s no ray of sunshine in Bucky’s eyes. Just Steve.

And it might actually be the second best day of his life, he thinks.

4th July 2019 - 3:02am

Steve is back in his bedroom, watching the shadows from the outside still dancing on his wall. He’s smiling. He is now 25- it’s been roughly 3 hours, he just saw the clock -, and he’s more happy than he ever was.

He’s feeling better now. The heart surgery changed everything and he now has a very normal stamina. He can breathe, he’s not as sick as he used to be, which is great. He’s going to the gym at least four times a week and ah, he can hear his Ma’s voice from here, “Stop growing like this Steven Grant Rogers, we got it, you’re taller than all of us!” He chuckles at the fond memory.

But what’s made Steve the man he is today is everything he understood those past few years.

It’s not the physical part. That, everyone can do. He learned that he never needed the validation of other people. He only needed to find out his true self, be gentle with himself and allow himself some time to grow.

But mostly, he realized that he didn’t need to be fixed, like he thought his entire life before that, like others wanted to make him think. No matter how much people still wanted to take him down, even now.

Steve was perfect the way he was, the way he was born, and it’ll always be the case. Weak heart, or not, loose stamina, or not.

Hearing impaired, or not.

Steve feels the quilt move a little and rearranges himself on the bed, feeling a little bit tired again - it is still 3am, after all. He gazes at the other side of the bed fondly as Bucky seems deeply asleep against the pillows, drooling a little.

Steve knows he’s snoring, not that he can hear it, but he just knows it. And that’s all that matters to him.

With all those thoughts- the good, the bad, everything that makes Steve the man he is today, he wraps himself around his boyfriend’s back tightly. And it doesn’t take long for him to join Bucky in his sleep, dreaming of friendly shadowy shapes in a starry, black sky.

[multiplefandomfics]

Change for the better

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC!Amelia

Warnings: cheating, angst, smut, swearing, sub/dom undertones, sir kink, size kink, unprotected sex

Words: 2169

Moving to London hadn’t been easy. Leaving friends, family and everything that had been familiar behind to start fresh. But it had been necessary. 

Let’s start a few weeks earlier, shall we?

“Darling? I’m home. I made it earlier than I thought. The surgery fell flat. Patient died before I could cut him open. Such a shame. Would have been a really cool surgery.” Amelia called through the two story townhouse. 

“Jake? Where are you?” she followed the music to the bedroom door and pushed it open. She stepped inside and heard giggling and laughter from the en suite bathroom. In that moment she knew exactly what was going on. Still she wanted to confirm it so she opened the halfway open bathroom door fully and there they were. Her fiance Jake and Amelia’s favorite scrub nurse Olive in the bathtub together. 

“Are you fucking serious? I work 15 hours everyday to finance your lazy ass and that’s how you thank me? Screwing my OR nurse? You are unbelievable, asshole!! I’m done with this- with us! I’m leaving.” she yelled furiously. She grabbed most of her clothes and other things, threw them in suitcases and duffel bags and crammed them into her car. 

“Baby wait!” Jake had stumbled out of the house behind her. “I’m sorry this was a one time thing. I love you. We are getting married in 6 weeks. Surly you don’t want to blow that off.” he tried to convince her.

“You think I still want to marry you after you fucked that little whore in my house? And that’s what it is by the way. MY house. I want you out by the end of the week you can leave the keys on the kitchen table. I never want to see you again. Goodbye Jake.” and with those words she had gotten into her car and left him standing there in his bathrobe.

She was seeing red and did not have a goal to reach. She did not want to see her parents because her mother was an arrogant bitch who only thought about what the neighbors would think about her breaking off the engagement. Her mother would probably make her marry the cheating bastard anyways. 

So she kept on driving. 16 hours and a ferry boat ride later and she arrived totally exhausted in London. She always wanted to see the town again and now was the time. 

She had found a hotel where she could park her car in a garage and went to check in. 

“Good morning. I’d like to check in please.” Amelia asked, friendly.

“Good morning. Of course. Do you have a reservation?” the desk clerk smiled broadly.

“No, unfortunately not. I came here spontaneously. Is that a problem?” 

“Not at all Miss. I just need your ID or Passport and Credit Card to check you in.” she kept on smiling so sickly sweet.

“Alright, sure. Here you go.” she handed her cards over. 

20 minutes later she had her car parked inside the garage, her stuff in her room and was face planting the bed. She fell asleep almost instantly.

When she woke up the sun was almost setting but she felt rested and decided to find a bar or pub to drink and maybe get laid.

She took a shower did her hair and make up and put on the hottest dress she could find before asking the desk clerk in the lobby for the closest and coolest bar around. 

Turned out that that pub was exactly 200 metres away from the hotel and was already relatively crowded at 9pm. 

Amelia found a stool at the bar top and got the attention of the bartender. 

“Hi what can I get you?” she asked.

“What can you recommend for a woman who has been cheated on by her fiance in her own house with her favorite co worker?” she sighed.

“Wow that sounds like a story I’d like to hear completely. You know what? I’m gonna mix you something and you spill your guts. You will feel much better afterwards, I promise you.” she had already grabbed a tall glass and was pouring various kinds of alcohol inside. 

The night progressed like that. Melissa, that was the bartender's name, handed her drink after drink but slipped a few shots of water in between once in a while. Which Amelia was too drunk to notice. They talked for hours. 

At around midnight someone sat down next to Amelia and ordered whiskey. Amelia had already sobered up a little and recognized the voice instantly. 

Her head snapped to the left and indeed there he sat- Superman- The Witcher himself: Henry Cavill.

“Holy crap, you’re Henry Cavill!” she exclaimed breathlessly.

“Yes I am. Nice to meet you.” he smiled warmly. “Can I buy you a drink?”

“I am Amelia and yes you can.” she turned her body now fully toward him. 

“You seem upset. Care to tell me?” he suddenly asked after chugging his drink.

“I have told this story already today. Melissa would you be so kind as to tell Mr. Cavill my shitty last 24 hours?” she almost begged the bartender.

“Of course my dear.” Melissa winked. 

“Well, long story short:her  fiance was an ass and cheated on her with a coworker in her own house. She left instantly and drove 16 hours straight through and came to London.” Then she walked over to another customer on the other side of the bar.

“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. It’s a riddle to me how someone can cheat on a woman as beautiful and obviously intelligent as you. Such a shame. But maybe luck for me?” he winked and seemed very sure of himself. 

“I didn’t pick you out to be such a flirt. But I like it.” Amelia had nothing to lose. For the first time in ages she felt free and if that ended in her getting to sleep with the really hot actor which is Henry Cavill she would definitely go for it. 

They talked about this and that and by the time last call came around she knew so much more about Henry than magazines and the internet could have ever told her. 

“I’m sorry to break this up guys but you will have to leave now. It’s 6am and we are about to close.” Melissa came around the bar.

“Alright Mel, see you tomorrow maybe.” Henry said and tipped her generously.

Henry and Amelia walked through the streets. “You want some coffee? Sober up a bit more? Keep talking? I really enjoy talking with you.” he finished.

“Yes sure. You know a place not too far which is open?” Amelia smiled at him.

“Of course. It is 6am in London. I know the perfect Deli for breakfast and coffee. Let’s go.” he grabbed her hand and pulled her over the street and towards a brightly lit Deli. 

They both got inside, ordered coffee and sandwiches and sat down in the almost completely empty Diner. 

“These are really good.” Amelia pointed to her sub.

“I know, that’s why I like coming here after a night out.” he agreed.

Then Amelia’s phone rang. She took it out of her jacket pocket and groaned. 

“It’s him isn’t it?” he asked and she nodded annoyed. “Here, give me that phone. I’ll talk to him. He will leave you alone after this.” he smiled and she again had nothing to lose. 

“Hello. Amelia’s phone. She cannot come to the phone right now. She is very busy right now. Who I am. That is none of your business anymore. As far as I know, you cheated on her and she left you. So now she is free and can do whatever with whoever she wants. Goodbye douchebag and never call this number again. Oh yes, I am supposed to remind you that you have a week to move out.” with that he hung up and Amelia couldn’t stop herself from laughing so loudly other customers were starting to look.

“Thank you Henry. That was epic. But I think I’m still going to block him on all channels so he keeps away from me. And I wanted to marry that son of a bitch. How unbelievably stupid of me.” she buried her head in her hands. Suddenly her mood had changed dramatically.

“Hey.” he laid his hand on her cheek and forced her to look at him.

“Hey.” he repeated himself. “It is not your fault that he is a cheating bastard. You were working hard to support his ass and he did not appreciate that.”

“But maybe I should have taken more time with him. Maybe then he would not have cheated…” 

“Stop it! It is not your fault. It is exclusively his. Stop thinking about it. You dodged a bullet, beautiful.” 

“You are right. I should be grateful that he is gone.” she looked into his beautiful eyes and kissed him. She just jumped into cold water. 

“My hotel isn’t far. Wanna go?” she whispered against his lips. He nodded energetically. 

The walk there was quick. Only a few 100 metres stumbling, kissing over the sidewalk. 

“Which floor?” out of breath after the elevator doors had closed. 

“8th.”she mumbled. 

He grabbed the key card out of her hand and unlocked the door. 

She stumbled inside before him and he caught her before she could fall, carrying her to the bed. 

“Strip for me darling.” he demanded.

“Yes, sir!” she saluted at him 

“I like the sound of that.” he smirked naughtily.

She stripped obediently and waited for him to remove his clothes as well. But he didn’t budge. 

“Get on your knees!” he commanded. There was a quiet understanding between them. The question whether she was okay with this or not was only asked by his eyes and she obediently dropped to her knees. So he continued with opening his pants and pulling out his dick. “Now open up sweetheart and don’t you dare touch yourself.” his voice was stern but he had a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

Amelia opened her mouth wide and stuck out her tongue. He grabbed her hair into a ponytail and slowly pushed his length into her mouth and down her throat. She had to work hard to suppress her gag reflex. “Shit, babe. Fuck you’re a natural.” he groaned. It was music to her ears. She took him deep and stroked what couldn’t fit in her mouth with her hands. Bobbing her head up and down. Sometimes her throat constricted around his girth when she had to swallow which made him let out the most amazing noises.

Suddenly he pulled her off of her. “Stop! I don’t want it to end too soon.”

He pulled her up and kissed her deeply. “You are amazing. Now on the bed with you. On your back. Legs spread wide. I need some space.” he winked and again she obeyed.

She was so excited. Her juices were flowing freely down her thighs and ass cheeks. 

He kneeled between her legs and swiped his dick head through her folds. Catching on her clit ever so often. “Oh shit Henry. Please don’t tease me.” he smirked. “Beg for it then. Tell me what you want.” 

“Please, sir I need you so bad. I’m so wet for you, only for you. I need to feel you.” Before she could say anymore he lost his last bit of composure and pushed inside her.

“Damn! Holy- Fuck. So deep.” she moaned. His thrusts were hard and slow giving her the right amount of pain and pleasure. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head when she neared her end. She clawed her nails into his shoulders and was only able to moan a mixture of his name and curses. “Cum for me darling!” he whispered into her ear kissing down her neck and that was all it took for her to let go. Then he lost it too. 

When he had caught his breath he rolled off of her. “That was great!” she panted. 

“Yes, it was. We definitely need to do this again. Did I hurt you?” he suddenly asked concerned.

“Only in the best way possible. That was really hot.” 

That is essentially the story of how Amelia moved to London. She wanted to be close to her new future. She never heard from Jake again and after Henry had talked to him on the phone he had moved out really quickly. So Amelia could sell her house and get a position at a hospital in Britain's capital city. Even her mother shut up about the broken up engagement after Amelia had told her who her new boyfriend was. 

In the end, Amelia finding out about her stupid idiot of an ex-fiance cheating on her, was the best thing that could have happened to her. 

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/04/2021 (Lil Nas X’s “MONTERO”, Mimi Webb, Russ Millions & Tion Wayne)

So, we have a #1 debut, and that’s pretty much the only story here in the UK Top 75 as we get a filler week before Demi Lovato, Olivia Rodrigo and Lil Tjay run in and cause havoc. As for now, “Wellerman” is replaced at the top by Lil Nas X’s controversial “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)”, spending its first week at #1 after making pretty sudden gains assisted by the video and alternate versions – the mid-week projection had this at #15. Elsewhere, we just see the fall-out from Bieber. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

It’s a quiet week – only seven new entries, and none from Rod Wave, 24kGoldn or AJR as I had predicted. That doesn’t mean there isn’t some stuff to talk about within the chart, or particularly off of the chart, as we have a fair few drop-outs switching their places with returning entries. In particular, we have Justin Bieber’s “As I Am” featuring Khalid being swapped out for “Anyone” at #25, as well as drop-outs for “Arcade” by Duncan Laurence – slightly premature, I’d think – and all of Lana Del Rey’s songs from last week. We also “Anxious” by AJ Tracey, “Heat” by Paul Woodford and Amber Mark and “Toxic” by Digga D exit the chart, but the only real notable loss was “34+35” by Ariana Grande ending its 21-week run on the chart. Returning to the Top 75 in its place – which I cover – we have “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers of course at #73, as well as “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #72, “You’ve Done Enough” by Gorgon City and DRAMA at #70 (really hope this one becomes a hit) and “Don’t You Worry About Me” by Bad Boy Chiller Crew at #66. In terms of climbers and fallers, we do have some notable gains and losses. For songs travelling down the chart, we have “Patience” by KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G tanking a sharp drop in its third week to #18, “Streets” by Doja Cat shaking off the video gains at #22, “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo continuing to collapse at #27, another sharp drop for HVME’s remix of Travis Scott’s “Goosebumps” down to #34 probably due to ACR, which was probably the fate for “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #46. The same probably can’t be said for Drake’s losses, as “What’s Next” is at #40, “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” featuring Rick Ross is at #41 and “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby stalls at #55. We also see falls for “Money Talks” by Fredo and Dave at #50, “Bringing it Back” by Digga D and AJ Tracey at #51, “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix on its way out at #57, “Headshot” by Lil Tjay featuring Polo G and Fivio Foreign down to #61 off the debut (although it’ll rebound thanks to the album as soon as the next week rolls around), “Ready” by Fredo featuring Summer Walker at #62, “You’re Mines Still” by Yung Bleu featuring Drake at #63 and “Day in the Life” by Central Cee at #69. Where it gets interesting are our gains, such as outside the top 40 with “What Other People Say” by Demi Lovato and Sam Fischer which could very well get even higher next week thanks to the album. We also have “Track Star” by Mooski at #53 off of the debut and a couple of tracks entering the top 40 for the first time, those being “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon at #39 and Majestic’s remix of “Rasputin” by Boney M. at #38. Elsewhere in the top 40, we have “Let’s Go Home Together” by Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan at #13 and two songs marking their first week in the top 10, those being “Little Bit of Love” by Tom Grennan at #10, a song continuing to sour on me, and “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S, an EDM song at #8 that I initially mocked for its soulless repackaging but has honestly got me pretty hooked since. I’m excited to see how this one does. For now, however, let’s get on with our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#64 – “Cloud 9” – Beach Bunny

Produced by Joe Reinhart

Beach Bunny is a power pop band who last year released their album Honeymoon on Mom+Pop and it’s basically a modern r/indieheads staple in that it’s an accessible, airy pop-rock record fronted by a woman. It’s not anything unique, really, or different if you look further into it but that’s fine because there’s a lot of vaguely “indie” or music snob releases pushed out every year that miss the charts entirely. It’s a different story, however, when a year later, it gets viral on TikTok and streams its way onto the chart. In that case, we have “Cloud 9” by Beach Bunny, a pretty simple but sweet love song about a guy who just makes her feel a lot better about herself in times where she can’t pick herself up from the rut she’s in. Again, it’s a simple track but enhanced by the wonderful and unique vocal performance from front-woman Lili Trifilo and some pretty great production making sure no guitar lick is missed in this mix, especially in that chorus which is such an ethereal blend of the electric guitar dubs. I would argue that this actually should end at that second chorus even if it ends feeling abrupt as the transition to the final chorus feels a lot less cathartic than it does awkward, especially if the bridge is going to be a simplistic, quirky instrumental meander that doesn’t go far enough to be a guitar solo and hence feels kind of like a worthless addition. As is, this is a pretty great song still, just not the most fully realised once it loses that initial tight surf groove, though I’ll let it pass if we’re going to get rock this good on the charts again. I know this won’t really get more traction for Beach Bunny – or power pop for that matter – but more of this, please.

#52 – “You All Over Me” (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault) (Remix) (feat. DaBaby) (Part 2) (Radio Edit) – Taylor Swift featuring Maren Morris

Produced by Taylor Swift and Aaron Dessner

Sadly, this does not feature DaBaby and is not the remix, radio edit or sequel to any previously released song. Jokes aside, I guess brackets are the next big comeback for pop music, which goes hand-in-hands with remixes and re-releases, hence why Taylor Swift is dusting off this leaked Fearless-era cut for a new recording with country singer Maren Morris, who you probably know from her contributions to Zedd’s “The Middle”. Now whilst Swift is a great songwriter, I do often find myself frustrated by how she treads common ground all too frequently without establishing much different with how a song is structured or how it emotionally connects. This is true not just lyrically but especially sonically as of recent, as despite being written in 2008, it has too much in common with the less interesting cuts off of folklore for me to really care that much. That’s especially if Taylor’s going to undercut the clean acoustic guitars with flourishes of harmonica and crow sound effects, showing some genuine intrigue here before refusing to let any of that develop past a couple stray melodies or notes further back in the mix. I’m trying really hard to be compelled by these re-recordings and re-releases of her back catalogue as I do consider myself a fan, but it’s tough to pay attention when any new compositions we get sound like folklore leftovers with Maren Morris only put to use as decoration, much like HAIM on “no body, no crime” – and we already got an album full of folklore leftovers. I’m not a fan of this, sorry – I can see the appeal, and I do think this has enough of a country tinge to it to make it at least somewhat interesting – but this goes in one ear and immediately out of the other.

#48 – “Tonight” – Ghost Killer Track featuring OBOY and D-Block Europe

Produced by Ghost Killer Track and Kenzy

Screw the formalities and screw the analysis because D-Block Europe are back to add another D-Block to their EU collection – and since they’re Londoners, their only – and that’s Paris, and contrary to the British nature, we’ve let French rap chart in the top 50 out of the fact that they collaborated with two of the most comical rappers in British history. They’ve also linked up with producer Ghost Killer Track, also from France, as this is ostensibly his song even if he intends not to prove himself with this dull piano-based beat and oddly-mastered bass and percussion, which are really just DBE staples. Unfortunately, past the initial comedy of that first line in the chorus, neither Young Adz or Dirtbike LB deliver any stupid lyrics or funny inflections, instead just resorting to being as boring as they can in their constant flexing as possible. I guess the French guy here, OBOY, commands a higher energy in his verse if only through his comical “no, no, no” ad-libs, but he’s the only French speaker in an otherwise basic British trap song that I just cannot see the appeal in when we’ve had song after song from these guys for three years now. This won’t be the last we see of cookie-cutter UK rap this week though so brace yourselves for that.

#47 – “Last Time” – Becky Hill

Produced by LOSTBOY

It’s almost as if the charts are trying to send me off to sleep as here we have Becky Hill, a singer hedging the line between a non-presence and mildly annoying, which is arguably more frustrating than downright infuriating as her slightly smokier voice does not sound bad, just lacking in texture in every way, especially if the multi-tracking is going to be this minimal on a royalty-free deep-house beat produced by Getty Images with a pretty worthless drop, a generic and simple melody of piano stabs for major chords, and a whole bunch of reverb on the vocal take... but it still ends up feeling dry as there’s nothing here to quench that thirst for a tighter, bass-heavy house banger or even a more ethereal, dreamy trance track, deciding to stick to a healthy medium of boring and utter garbage. Yes, that was a singular sentence. I’m not awake enough to form a cohesive sentence less than 40 words long, and this new Becky Hill track is just worsening that if anything. Speaking of...

#21 – “Body” – Russ Millions and Tion Wayne

Produced by Gotcha Bxtch

Who’s Russ Millions? He’s Russ. No, not that Russ. British Russ – or Russ Splash, stylised as Russ splash on Spotify and nowhere else. This confusingly-named fellow appeared on the charts a couple times and possibly most famously with “Keisha & Becky”, a song also featuring Tion Wayne that is referenced on this very track. Sigh, I usually like Tion Wayne but even he can’t be bothered to delivery his usual brand of suave charm or sinister menace, instead opting for a more growling but ultimately completely monotone cadence that doesn’t flatter him or Russ, who one of my friends described as sounding like one of the aliens from Toy Story. This is a pretty by-the-numbers drill beat too, and it’s pretty safe to say that neither Russ or Tion Wayne here are going to bother with wordplay, even when they start pretty smoothly trading bars and Tion Wayne goes for a more unique chopper flow in the second verse. This is just not of any note. Once again, speaking of...

#17 – “Good Without” – Mimi Webb                        

Produced by Freedo

I assumed Mimi Webb debuted this high because of a talent show she won or something because I’d never heard her name but instead, she just happened to have a major label deal before her unreleased song just happened to go viral on TikTok and just happened to be supported by one of the women who just happened to be the biggest creator on the platform. Yeah, and this song just happened to be garbage, suffering from every possible millennial pop trope and then some, from the mix dressed rather too overtly in reverb, the ugly guitar pluck, a generic indie-girl voice that you swear you’ve heard before in one of those dreadful piano covers of popular songs they use in adverts, as well as this ballad being undercut by badly-programmed trap percussion. I can tell this label is trying to create somewhat of an Olivia Rodrigo phenomenon from this and I for one am terrified of the Poundland knock-offs to come. Screw this.

#1 – “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)” – Lil Nas X

Produced by Roy Lenzo, Omar Fedi and Take a Daytrip

At least Lil Nas X will bring some passion into this chart week? Well, not really, as when I hear this I recall that Pitchfork review of his EP, a much-maligned critique that featured the ever-so pretentious questioning if Lil Nas X really enjoyed making and listening to music. It reminds me because I think I now fully get it – at least when Lil Nas X was making slap-dash pop rock with Travis Barker or meme-worthy country rap with Billy Ray Cyrus for less than two minutes apiece, there was something invigorating in the execution or at least in concept. That 7 EP is still not a bad debut at all, but this new single “MONTERO”, a long-anticipated record that went from constantly-teased demo to Super Bowl commercial to Satanic-panicked videos of Lil Nas giving Satan a lap-dance to own the conservatives, has the same remote dreariness to it as “HOLIDAY” did late last year. The acoustic, Latin-flavoured guitar loop reminds me of his much better track “Rodeo” from that aforementioned EP that used its energy for similarly lighthearted subject matter but with some genuine energy, a Cardi B feature and a lot less subtle moombahton creeping in. With that said, I can’t say Lil Nas X didn’t try, as his vocal performance, whilst largely insufferable and strained, gives some energy to an otherwise aggravatingly stunted beat, and makes it a lot more infectious than it has any right to be. Content-wise, the song is essentially about a full circle where Lil Nas X becomes increasingly desperate for a man who starts off lonely and in a bad place, and the irony is that Lil Nas gets more explicitly sexual and crazed due to a combination of the LA life-style surrounding him and the fact that he’s simply, for lack of a better term, “down bad”, despite the fact that this guy doesn’t seem particularly desirable. Lil Nas knows this, though, and acknowledges it in the pre-chorus where he outright says that this guy is living the cocaine-addled celebrity life, but not living it right without Mr. Bullriding and Boobies in his life. I’m happy about the video and the outrage it seems to cause not just within conservative spaces but also amongst the hip-hop community, particularly Joyner Lucas, and I’m pretty happy with how out and proud Lil Nas X is about his sexuality, even if it leads to lines like “Shoot a child in your mouth while I’m ridin’”. I’m just really not a fan of this song past its content, which could really be interesting but falls flat with this plucking production that wastes time in barely two minutes with humming interludes. It’s not bad at all, just not for me.

Conclusion

And that concludes our week, and wow, what a bad week this was for new arrivals. Admittedly, it’s a filler week so only “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)” will probably last – or at least we can hope as even if I don’t like the song, I still have to give out an Honourable Mention to someone, and it may as well be Lil Nas X trying to put the effort in. Best of the Week easily goes to Beach Bunny for “Cloud 9”, far and away the only good song here, with Worst of the Week also going out pretty easily to Mimi Webb’s “Good Without”, which is the type of soulless, unmemorable garbage that makes pop music look uninspired, and as a person who writes about the charts constantly, it’s a misconception I don’t want proven or revisited. Dishonourable Mention is a toss-up but I guess I’ll give it to Russ Millions and Tion Wayne for that sprinkle of drill disappointment that is “Body”, and that’ll be it for this week. I predict some impact from Demi Lovato, Lil Tjay and especially Olivia Rodrigo next week, but for now, here’s our top 10:

Thank you for reading – sorry for the grouchiness on this one – and I’ll see you next week!

[amazingmb1226]

The Missing Cowboy Bandit pt 1

Hello! So i just wanted to say that this is my first ever Ishimondo fanfic! I came up with this story just today and I needed to start it so yeah lol! I hope you enjoy the first chapter to this wild west au Ishimondo mess! 

The day started as any other would. Ishimaru woke up before the sun rose, the stars still shining in the sky. He stretched out his limbs and grabbed his uniform. Kiyotaka put it on and grabbed something to eat for breakfast then left for work. Simple. But what he has to do would not be easy, nor simple. Ishimaru had to go find his best friend, Mondo.

Oowada had been missing for almost a week, which is not like him at all. Usually, the cowboy criminal would do something stupid than go to the tavern and have a drink or too, than get in a fight. He had never just disappeared, not being the type to run from any type of danger. Mondo must have had a change of heart, that's what Ishimaru would tell himself. After all, wanted posters printed with his name could be found all over the town.  

Ishimaru walked behind his house to the stable, where his white horse was located. He walked in and took it off its lead, mounting on it. Kiyotaka then directed his steed to go, galloping to the center of town where the most crime took place. ‘Maybe Mondo will come back today. He might even turn himself in.” he told himself, trying to stay positive about his current situation. 

                             --------------------------------------------------

Ishimaru dismounted his horse, yelling and clamouring coming from the inside of the tavern. Kiyotaka rushed in, holding his pistol out just in case things got worse. “Everyone stop right now!” He ordered, looking around the crowded establishment. He could see the owner, Aoi, crouching behind the counter of the bar with Maizono and Komaru. He could also see Sakura breaking up one of the fights in the back of the tavern. Everyone stopped, looking at the sheriff. Well, almost everyone. “Who the hell do you think you are, telling us what we can and can’t do?” A man with a rather extreme looking pompadour asked angrily. “I am Sheriff Ishimaru!” Kiyotaka replied, pointing his weapon to the delinquent. Oowada resisted for a moment, then started to walk towards Ishimaru. “That doesn’t mean shit.” Mondo said, looking down at the sheriff. “I don’t listen to no one. You gotta earn my respect first and having that stupid badge on your shirt doesn’t doesn’t mean anything.” Oowada said, poking his index finger on the golden sheriff badge on Ishimaru’s chest. Kiyotaka huffed and looked back up at the rebel. He started to put his gun back in its holster. “And what exactly would someone have to do to earn your respect?” Ishimaru asked, his anger rising. Mondo smirked, crossing his arms. “Meet me at the field just outside of town. 9pm sharp. “ Oowada said. He walked over to a table and slammed some money on it to pay for the drinks he had, shoving past Ishimaru to the exit of the tavern. 

                         -----------------------------------------------------

Ishimaru tied his horses lead to a wooden pole at the entrance of the town, starting to walk around. Not many places were open yet, but there was still always the possibility of something happening in the early hours of the day. He gave quick hellos to shop owners who started to open their businesses. They all happened to notice how off he’d seemed recently though. Usually he would give them a smile and maybe even have a small conversation with them. Now he just mumbled them a quick greeting and maybe waved. They all didn’t know why he seemed so different though. 

No one knew what Kiyotaka and Oowada had, nor could they understand. Why would the sheriff and a criminal associate themselves with each other anyway? But they really were close. When people weren’t around, they would talk for hours, chatting about what their dreams were and anything that came to their minds. Ishimaru cherished Mondo as his best friend, his brother. He cared about him deeply and whenever he got hurt from a fight, the sheriff would always patch him up and reprimand him about his bad choices. Mondo would just roll his eyes and chuckle. How he wished to go back to those times.

“Sheriff, are you alright?” Makoto Naegi asked, tapping Kiyotaka on the shoulder. Ishimaru hadn’t even realized that he was standing still in the street. His eyes were glossy, tears threatening to fall. Kiyotaka wiped his eyes, nodding in response. “Yes I am perfectly fine.” he responded, sniffling. Makoto sighed looking at Ishimaru sympathetically. “It’s fine to be sad sometimes y’know.” he said, keeping his hand on Kiyotaka’s shoulder. Ishimaru stayed quiet, looking down at the dirt road. “You wouldn’t understand. It’s-it’s foolish, really.” the sheriff responded, avoiding looking at Naegi. “Even if it is, it’s best to get whatever is bothering you off your chest. You’ll feel a lot better.” Makoto responded. Ishimaru doubted what he said, sighing. Even so, there was the possibility it could help. “It’s about Mondo.” Ishimaru mumbled.

Makoto nodded, thinking about what that could mean. “Do you want to find him? To bring him to justice or something?” he asked Ishimaru curiously. Kiyotaka hated lying, but that seemed better than telling the detective that he was friends with a criminal. “Yes. I am disappointed in myself because I could not reprehend him before he ran to...where ever he might be now.” Kiyotaka replied. Naegi seemed to believe this, nodding at what he said. “Well, we could probably get some others to help you find him!” he said with a small smile. “No no, that won’t be-” Before Ishimaru could finish, Naegi had grabbed him, leading him further down town. “Come on! We would have to find people and quick! We wouldn’t want him getting even further, right?” The detective said. He sighed and nodded, following behind Makoto. “I suppose so.” He replied with a small frown. Ishimaru had a bad feeling about this, but tried to ignore it.

[marinaaniseed]

Dark ‘n’ Stormy, Pt: 10

Summary: Asgardian v. Pizza buffet A.K.A. The Stuffing Chapter.

There’s a teeny, tiny bit of important plot before we get to that point. I’ve tried to very clearly flag the point of no return, so nobody get their undies in a twist if you continue and don’t like what you read.

Length: 6.7k-ish. Much like our hero, I may have overdone it this chapter...

Notes: The slices of pizza are of a size that works for you. If you’ve seen Bad Times at the El Royale, one of the scenes may seem somewhat familiar to you. My unending thanks go to @nobzob​ for encouraging me and for beta-reading this. Also, I made a deal with @thors-soft-cheeks​ that I would write this chapter, so hopefully it meets your expectations :)

Warnings: Eh the usual. Kinky food stuff, smut, drinking, swearing, brief mention of periods and babies, mental health wonkiness, Asgardian politics.

That summer was scorching.

“It’s as hot as hell out there,” you proclaimed one afternoon, collapsing onto the settee, sweat running down your face.  

“But Hel isn’t hot,” Thor observed, his head tilted to the side in confusion like an overgrown Labrador puppy. Geri and Freki mirrored his pose from where they lay on the floor.

“What do you mean it’s not hot? Isn’t it supposed to be full of fire? To burn the sinners? That’s what they taught us at school.”

“Ah, is this from one of your Midgard stories?”

“No,” you said indignantly, before softening. “Well, I suppose so. But a lot of people take them very seriously.”

“Hel is on Niflheim. It is full of cold, mist, and ice. It is where my father imprisoned my sister. You mean it’s as hot as Muspelheim outside, yes?”

“Which one is Muspelheim again?” You’d tried to follow Thor’s explanations of the universe, had even tried to learn the Asgardian language with him. You weren’t stupid, but you were no Jane Foster, either. It was hard to unlearn many of the things that you thought were facts.

“The one where I was captured by Surtur,” Thor explained, wincing a little at the memory of how Asgard had been destroyed.

“The fire demon guy?”

“That’s the one,” Thor said, wandering off to the kitchen to grab you a drink of water. Handing you the glass, he sat down next to you, removing some of the strands of hair that had stuck to your face with sweat.

“How’re you feeling about tomorrow?” you asked, once you’d finished gulping down the water, giving yourself brainfreeze in the process.

“Quite nervous,” he admitted. “And you?”

“Nervous for you, I suppose.”

Tomorrow was the anniversary of New Asgard’s founding, and a day of celebrations were planned. Traditional tournaments and games, feasting, drinking, dancing. But it was also to be the day when the results of the vote would be announced.

After the census, there had been a consultation. Every adult Asgardian had been asked their thoughts on how they wished to be governed. These answers were collated, and a vote held. Every option was there and the Asgardians had to rank them in preference. If none of the options received over 50% of the vote, then the least popular one would be eliminated, and those who had voted for that option would have their second preference counted. On it would continue until an option received the requisite amount of interest. It wasn’t a perfect system, but you all hoped it would lead to an outcome that most people were vaguely in favour of.

Thor and Brunnhilde had agreed, both publically, and privately to honour the result, whatever it was. You worried for them both. There were plenty of outcomes that neither of them particularly desired. Some of Thor’s friends, visiting New Asgard for the celebrations, had kindly agreed to count the votes, as neutral outsider.

Thor was doing a lot better, although he still had days where he wobbled. Taking responsibility for some of the smaller things, especially the animals, had given him more purpose. You didn’t want it all to be undone by the result.

“Perhaps we should go out for dinner tonight,” you mused after a while, your hand resting on Thor’s. “We could walk into Tønsberg, get away from everything.”

“Yes, that could be good.”

STOP HERE IF YOU ONLY WANTED THE PLOT NECESSARY BITS. IF YOU CONTINUE AND THEN BITCH ABOUT THE KINKY SHIT, THAT’S ON YOU. I WARNED YOU.

Thor had been working on his anxiety, venturing a little further each day with the dogs, or riding on one of the horses. He regularly made it into Tønsberg now. There was one restaurant in particular that had caught his eye. A place where you can eat as much pizza, sour cream and salad as you want. He wondered just much pizza he could eat.

That was the thing that he’d noticed, now that food was becoming a pleasure again, not a means to distract from his feelings. He enjoyed eating. Not just in the way that most people enjoyed tasting something delicious. There was something erotic about it, the cocktail of pleasure and pain as he pushed his stomach to its limits. Yes, he definitely wanted to find out how much pizza he could eat. He’d even heard they did dessert pizzas now, although he wasn’t sure if the restaurant did those, or even if he’d like them.

It’d probably be like how you’d described deep-fried Mars bar and ice cream to him: They took a bunch of things I love and turned it into something I hate.

Thor wondered if you enjoyed watching him eat, helping him to eat. He hoped you did, suspected you did. You always made a little too much, brought back an extra little treat, ordered too much then shared, or more accurately, gave it to him. He’d seen the way you looked at him when you thought he wasn’t paying attention. Sometimes he’d push out his stomach a little more or pretend to scratch an itch, moving the hem of his top up to rub the flesh he knew you wanted to touch. It was worth it for your reaction, every time. Widening eyes, rosier cheeks, a smile that told him how much you loved him. Then, of course, there had been the feast. You kneading and feeding him at the table.

Yes, you definitely enjoyed it.

For a long time, he’d felt like his fat gut was something to be ashamed of, that made him unworthy of the affections of another. And maybe you were the only one, maybe you were a cosmic anomaly. That didn’t seem right, but even if you were, of all the trillions that existed, now, in the past, or in the future, you were here in the right place, at the right time, to love him.

That felt good. It felt different. And he realised that what he had known in the past was lust, awe, fear. It was far better to be loved than to be feared, though anyone sensible would still exercise caution.

It hadn’t been easy, to accept this version of himself - when you spend over a millenia with roughly the same body, it takes a while to adjust. It’d be a fine day indeed when a person was judged on what they did, not what they looked like. But for now he would settle for having someone not be repulsed by his body, but actually attracted to it.

Your insistence on touching him was uncomfortable at first. It chafed at the edges of his esteem and confidence. But now it was familiar, something he welcomed, something he sought. His hand would move yours to his stomach when you were sat together, holding it there. He always asked if you wanted to join him in the bathroom, to lather him up, and gently apply lotions. The majority of the time, he fell asleep as the little spoon, you holding onto him as though he was the most precious thing in your life. Even though they woke him up, he found your sleep twitches endearing, the way your fingers tried to press and grab his hairy tummy as it rounded out in front of him.

In fact, the only time he really got to be the big spoon was during your period. He had, in his defence, offered to use his powers to rid you of the inconvenience, but you liked the reassurance of knowing that you weren’t pregnant. You had, however, allowed him to ease some of the side-effects. During that time, you practically begged him to hold you, to be the big spoon. I like it when you press your stomach into the small of my back, you told him, it’s like a warm, squishy cushion to ease my pain. He didn’t like that you were in pain but was glad to be of help. He hoped his fingers resting on your abdomen soothed the cramps he knew you felt, but kept to yourself. Perhaps one day his fingers would rest there and bring comfort to his unborn child?

***

You’d taught him how to use Google, and he’d looked up when the restaurant was least likely to be busy. Being in crowded places was getting easier, but Thor still preferred to avoid them. Most Norwegians tended to eat earlier, so the restaurant was fairly quiet when you arrived just after 9pm.

Sliding across the dark brown leather seating of the booth, you began looking at the drinks menu.

“Why does friend Hulk get his own drink and I do not?” Thor queried, pointing at a brandy cocktail. Looking at the little picture printed in the menu, you can see why they’d named the green drink after Banner’s alter ego.

“Well, it’s not named after you but I think this is pretty close,” you countered, indicating the Dark ‘n’ Stormy.

“I am not dark.”

“No, no you are not. But you do like your storms,” you said, with a smile. “Or there’s this one,” you added, showing him the Angel Face.

“You flatter me far too much, my love,” Thor said, taking your hand in his. “This one is you,” he decided, pointing at the Flirtini.

“Very good,” you laughed. “Any other cocktail matches you can see?”

“This one, the Red Russian. That is Agent Romanoff. The Brooklyn, that is Captain Rogers. Long Island Iced Tea is Stark.”

“I understand the first one, but not the other two?”

“Those are the names of the places where they are from.”

“Ah, I see. I thought this was more appropriate for Steve Rogers,” you said, showing him the Old Fashioned. Thor laughed, long and hard at that one. It startled the few other people in the restaurant with you, but you didn’t mind. Thor had been so stressed lately, you’re just pleased to hear him laugh again, to see him relax a little. You decided to up the ante a little bit and earn your match with the Flirtini.

“So, bear,” you said softly, so he had to cock his head towards you to hear you. “I was thinking after the dinner, we could try these three,” you smirked, spreading the fingers of your free hand to point at the Sex on the Beach, Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall, and the Screaming Orgasm.

“Only three?” he grinned. “I think this one is relevant to your interests,” he said, moving the hand he held underneath his shirt while gesturing to the Hairy Navel. That earned a laugh from you, not as loud as Thor’s but just as mirthful.

A quiet, but pointed cough from the end of the table drew your attention to your server. His name badge said ‘Tor’ and you wondered if he realised who your dinner companion was.

“Can I get you any drinks?” he asked.

“A Flirtini for me, please,” you answered.

“And a Dark ‘n’ Stormy for me,” Thor added. “Tell me, how does this pizza buffet work?”

“Well, there is a pizza bar over there, behind me,” Tor said, gesturing. “You just take a plate and serve yourself, you can have as much pizza, salad and sour cream as you like for 134 kroner. It’s only our most popular pizzas but there’s something for everyone.”

“And there is no limit to the amount you can have?” Thor clarified, and that was when you realised why you were here.

“No, we just ask that people don’t take more than they can eat. Oh, and the kitchen closes at 10:30 so that we can close at 11. So yeah, go right ahead and I’ll bring your drinks over to you in a few minutes.”

With that, Tor turned on his heel and went to the bar.

“I see why we’re here,” you smirked at your lover as you made your way over to the pizza. “You’ve got your work cut out though,” you added, showing him your watch.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Thor said, beginning to think this was a bad idea.

“You want to see how much pizza you can eat. A lot more than I can, that’s for sure.”

You moved along the pizza bar, assessing your options, looking at the little signs in front of each of the cheesy wheels. Cheese and tomato, ham and pepperoni, ham and mushroom, spicy chicken, Thai chicken, beef and béarnaise, meat feast, chorizo and Ventricina, cauli truffle, vegetarian, beef and onion, BBQ chicken, Parma and truffle. If this was just the most popular ones, you were intrigued to see just how extensive the full menu was. You shoveled a couple of the more interesting slices onto your plate, added some sour cream to dip the crusts in, and grabbed a token amount of salad.

Both you and the drinks were at the table long before Thor. He had a plate in each hand, with a mountain of pizza on each. It was a wonder he hadn’t lost any slices.

“I wanted to try them all, so I got two slices of each,” he said, by way of explanation, your shocked expression not as subtle as you’d hoped.

“Did you get any sour cream?”

“Oh yes. I put some on every slice before I stacked them up.”

You wondered how he was going to taste the different flavours if they were all slathered in sour cream. It didn’t matter, as long as Thor was happy, that was the important thing. Your plate was empty but you were content to drink and watch the man next to you munching away on his stack of slices. You’d seen competitive eaters, inhaling their food, they could barely be tasting it. Thor wasn’t slow but you could tell he was savouring each slice. A purr when his tongue met a salty slice of pepperoni, a moan as hot mozzarella melted in his mouth, a satisfied smile as he bit into a portion heavy with sour cream. The textures, aromas, the heat of the jalapeños combined with the cooling richness of the dairy. He was focused on what he was eating, enjoying it as more than just sustenance. He was making love to his senses.

Your cheeks were warm, and it wasn’t just a flush from the alcohol. No, you were enjoying watching Thor enjoying his meal. It felt wrong, it felt dirty, voyeuristic, even, to feel aroused by this. You had to wonder, did pizza really taste that good to him, or was it something more?

Chancing a glance at Thor’s lap, you could see his erection pushing up against his underbelly, and being pushed away by the soft swell of his belly. Thor was so engrossed in his food that he didn’t notice your wandering hand until your fingers danced over the prominent bulge.

“Enjoying yourself?” you asked, an eyebrow arched teasingly.

“Ye-yeah,” he responded, stopping with a slice partway to his mouth. You took his other hand and moved it to your mouth, sucking his index finger while maintaining eye contact.

“What about now?” you asked once you’d released him.

“You’re making this a lot harder.”

“What, this?” you replied, applying more pressure to his crotch.

“Yes, no.” It was fun to watch Thor when he got flustered like this, torn between his desire to maintain decorum and his more carnal desires. “You’re making it a lot harder to focus on enjoying my pizza,” he finally managed.

“Ah, I see. Well, it must be quite cold now,” you said, eyeing the last few slices. “I’ll get us some more.”

Thor was glad for the respite. Between you and the food, he was extremely turned on. If it weren’t so public, he’d ask you to do something about the erection he was sporting. For now, though, he settled for undoing his trousers, giving both his tummy and his cock a bit more room.

“They just brought out a new, cheese and tomato, I thought you’d like to enjoy it while it’s hot,” you said, sliding a plate with five slices in front of him, the cheese bubbling slightly.

“That’s half the pizza,” Thor noted with a frown.

“You snooze, you lose. I wanted the best for my big man. I think you’ll enjoy it a lot more when it’s fresh and hot,” you said, touching his tummy under his shirt. “You wanted to see how much pizza you can eat, and I want to help. I’ll get you a few slices at a time so that it doesn’t go cold. You can tell me when to stop. Oh, I brought you some sour cream to dip the crusts in and I ordered some more drinks. It must be thirsty work eating all that pizza.”

The feel of your fingers pressing into his still pliable flesh, as you ate your slices, spurred him on even more.

“Y/N, there’s something I need to explain…” he started.

“Shh. You eat your pizza. I think I know what it is.” Thor looked at you confused but shoveled another slice into his mouth. “You’re enjoying your food, I know you are. It’s just like at the feast. It’s arousing you, I like it.”

“You do? Even though it’s weird, even if I get fatter?”

“Shh, shh. Let me bring you another plate, do you have a preference? I’ll tell you exactly what I think when I get back.”

“Um, may I have some more of the Thai Chicken please?”

“Certainly.”

Thor fiddled with the hem of his top and gulped hard on his drink, terrified about what you might say. It was one thing you enjoying his larger body, but you might have a very different opinion about him enjoying eating and actually enjoying his size. He enjoyed the size difference between you, he felt powerful, owning his space, and if he was honest, he was beginning to really enjoy his softness, how sensitive he now was in places.

One of his original two plates was slid back in front of him, with two slices of Thai chicken and three of ham and mushroom on it.

“There were only two slices left, so I thought I’d bring you something else as well,” you said by way of explanation. Tucking his hair behind his ear, you brought your lips close and began to tell him your answer.

“What you do is up to you, it’s your body. I’m just happy to see you happy, to see you enjoying yourself. However, if you’re happy like this, if you enjoy your food and maybe get a bit bigger, I’m certainly not going to complain. Not just because that would be rude, but because I’d enjoy it. I mean, you know how much I enjoy this tummy of yours.” Your hand returned to its previous position, to emphasise your point. “I definitely wouldn’t be upset if there was more of it for me to admire and play with.”

You moved back a smidge, to see how Thor was taking it. He was trying to remain calm, to eat his pizza, but his heated cheeks and heavier breathing let you know he was enjoying your words.

“Well, you know how much I enjoy it when you press your weight down on me, I think that’d be more fun with a bit more weight behind it. Or how about when you take me from behind, think about all that extra power to pound into me with. Think about how small I’ll look in the mirror when I take you into my mouth. I like the thought of your bigger belly bouncing on top of me, jiggling beneath me, or just being extra cushioning for me to cuddle into. My big, strong, soft, sex god.”

Thor trembled next to you, trying to resist the urge to throw you on the table and fuck you right there. He was on his penultimate slice, so you took one of the empty plates back to the pizza station. You could sense the stares from the people who’d noticed your frequent trips but, fuck ‘em. It was an all-you-can-eat buffet, and that’s exactly what you, or more accurately, Thor, were doing.

“Beef and béarnaise, for my beefy bear,” you said, sliding the plate in front of the blushing god. Nobody had touched that pizza since you’d got him the cheese and tomato, so didn’t feel bad bringing him the remaining eight slices. You left him in comparative peace for this plate, gently rubbing his belly and checking out the restaurant’s menu on your phone.

“How’re you feeling?” you asked as he neared the end of this particular round.

“I’m feeling pretty tired, it’s a bit of a struggle, but it feels so good. How much longer do we have?”

“35 minutes. You’re doing really well,” you encouraged. He was starting to feel full, less doughy under your fingertips. The buttons on his shirt were certainly running into difficulties and you feared their relationship with the soft, denim garment would be short-lived. You were curious as to why Thor had chosen a slim fit shirt in the first place but chose not to comment. It was a pleasure to see all of his soft curves on display outside of the bedroom.

“I think I can manage some more. What were you looking at on your phone?”

“Oh,” it was your turn to blush. “The restaurant has its nutritional info online, I was seeing which pizzas were the most calorific, just in case you wanted a little push.”

In truth, Thor didn’t know exactly what calorific meant, but he could tell this was something that interested you. You’d eagerly accepted his little (ok, big) kink, he could indulge yours.

“Well, why don’t you bring me some. I always like to push myself,” he said, adjusting his position so that his stomach no longer pressed into the edge of the table but rested upon it instead, a generous slither of flesh revealed where his shirt failed to cover him. “Maybe another of those stormy drinks as well, please.”

You almost tripped over yourself in your hurry to bring more food and drink to your full-bodied lover, rich and satisfying, to be enjoyed slowly like a fine Shiraz. Thor laughed a little at your eagerness, it was endearing how you wanted to please him, to take care of him. He hoped you took care of yourself with the same enthusiasm.

Three slices of ham and pepperoni, and five slices of Parma and truffle made their way back with you. Shortly thereafter, Tor dropped off another Flirtini for you and a pitcher of Dark ‘n’ Stormy.

“I wanted to make sure you were well hydrated,” was your answer to Thor’s look of surprise. Admittedly, the cocktail probably wasn’t that hydrating, but Thor had asked for it, so you just made sure that he had enough. You sipped on your drink, watching him battle on, determined to beat the pizza. It was a very different opponent to one he’d find on the battlefield, but Thor had set himself this challenge and he wasn’t going to back down. The staff were watching you nervously, concerned you’d make them wait all night, but you would be gone at eleven, no problem. As Thor began to slow down, you noticed him glancing between your phone and the remainder of the pizza.

“What is it? Are you ok? You can stop if you want, it’s ok,” you worried at him.

“No, no. I can do this. Can you get me what is left? You might need to help me eat them, but I can do it,” he insisted, chest heaving as he panted through the last slice.

Dutifully, you went to gather up what was left, balancing them carefully on two plates. You weren’t entirely sure how you would help him eat them, but he was single-minded in his task, and there was nothing you’d be able to do to stop him. Once Thor had set his mind to something, he was hard to reason with. You either had to get out of the way or hold on tight until he was done.

The pitcher was balanced on top of his taut tummy, shirt stretched dangerously tight around it, as Thor sipped his cocktail through a straw.

“Is that all that is left?”

“Is that all?” you asked incredulously. “I’ve got you three each of the chorizo, BBQ chicken, and cauliflower, two slices of vegetarian and meat feast, and four of the beef onion. That’d be more than enough for most people, are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely. I’m not most people. Asgardians are known for their feasting.” The pitcher was set back down with a thud.

You couldn’t really argue with that.

The first few slices went down well, but then he really began to struggle, gulping down his drink to try to rid his mouth of the cloying cheesiness. Your fingers traced over the swell of his tummy, trying to soothe him.

“That’s good, that helps. Feed me?” he pleaded.

“Ok, you make yourself comfortable and I’ll help.”

You stacked up two slices of the same flavour, bringing them his mouth, and chewed through them, less thoughtfully than before, as he massaged his aching tummy. He was a sweaty, gassy mess, with cheese and sauce stuck in his beard, but he was very pleased with himself when he finally finished the last slice.

“Are you impressed?”

“Very. You managed 69 slices,” you giggled.

“What is funny about that?”

You leaned in and whispered it into his ear. That wasn’t something you’d tried yet, and tonight certainly wasn’t the night for it, but it was definitely something to try another time.

“Finish your drink, I’ll go pay,” you told the full and flustered thunder god.

He was more than happy to finish the pitcher, he needed something to help him cool down. He hadn’t known there was a name for what you’d described, but he definitely liked the sound of it.

***

In the end, it wasn’t the buttons, but the fabric itself that capitulated. After you’d settled up, you’d found Thor sitting awkwardly with this arms across his waist, cheeks flushed fuchsia.

“Are you alright?” you asked, concerned that the pizza had, in fact, beaten Thor.

“My shirt…” he mumbled, moving a hand to show the gaping hole to the side of the placket, allowing a sizable chunk of flesh to be on show.

“Ah...hug me from behind as we leave, I can cover you,” you suggested. It was a slightly awkward exit, Thor pressing into your back. You thanked the staff and eventually made it into the street. “Perhaps we should take a taxi, get you back home quicker?”

Thor mumbled his agreement. It was a fairly quiet evening, so ordering one was pretty straight forward. Ever the gentleman, Thor went to open the door for you.

“Oh, love, could you hold my bag for me, please?” you said with a pointed look at his torso.

Never had he been gladder to hold something in his life. A shield would’ve been preferable, would’ve covered more, but he had to work with what he had.

***

Safely home, Thor was glad to unbutton his shirt, breathing a sigh of relief. He was lucky his jeans were almost painted on otherwise, he might’ve lost them on the journey, stomach spilling out of them.

“Hey, Y/N. Do we have anything sweet?” he called from the kitchen, where he was feeding and fussing the dogs. It was pretty tricky to bend down to their bowls, but he just about managed it.

“Erm yeah. I baked a couple of cakes for tomorrow, why?”

When you got no response, you decided to put some music on, content to let Thor do his own thing. Some Deep Purple while you slumped on the settee, letting Loki slither over you.

It was the second song, Hush, when Thor reappeared, dancing into view with a plate in hand, generous slice of cake on top, and a fork in the other, swaying along to the music. You couldn’t take your eyes off him. The dogs were dancing around his feet, trying to join in, and even the snake seemed to be eyeing him up as he moved remarkably gracefully towards you, swinging his wide hips in time to the music, stomach bouncing along in front of your face. Your mouth didn’t know whether to go dry or to salivate everywhere at the sight before you.

He eased himself down next to you, abused cushion sinking beneath his weight.

“I fancied something sweet after all that pizza,” he said. “This is an excellent cake, my love, you’re very talented.”

“It wasn’t exactly meant for you, but I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” you answered, a little sad that the honey cake you’d worked so hard on was now missing a decent wedge.

“There’s still another cake, it’s fine,” he replied with a smile. “Asgard will still get to sample your handiwork.”

“Can I get you anything to drink with that?”

“Maybe some milk?”

Milk? What about a milkshake, you wondered to yourself. Thor clearly was intent on pushing himself to his absolute limit, so why not help him further?

He gave you a slightly reproachful look when you approached with the biggest glass you could find, filled with your concoction. Thor had wondered why you hadn’t taken so long, having finished his cake, and what you were using the blender for. Now he knew.

You’d blended together whole milk, peanut butter cup ice cream, a generous dash of bourbon, chocolate chips, and chocolate syrup. It was topped with whipped cream peak coated in chocolate sprinkles. A metal straw poked out the top.

“Thank you,” he said, accepting the monstrosity. You hadn’t made him a full-on freakshake, but there was certainly a lot to take in. Thor sipped it cautiously, he didn’t want to get brainfreeze, balancing the glass on top of his over-full belly. You curled up next to him, careful not to jostle or apply too much pressure, kissing the flesh that jutted past the open fabric of his shirt, rubbing gentle circles into his swollen gut.

“You did this on purpose,” he observed around the half-way mark.

“You wanted milk, you wanted something sweet, you wanted to push yourself. I’m just helping you get what you want,” you replied with a grin. “You don’t have to finish it, but it’d be a shame to waste it.”

That was what spurred him on to finish, even though his body was pleading for him to stop. He really enjoyed how full he felt but this was definitely the last thing he was going to have.

“I love how big and round you are,” you commented, fingers delicately tracing over the mound of his stomach. “I can’t wait to get you to bed.”

Thor’s cock, which had never become less than half-hard, immediately sprang back to life. He gulped down the remains of the shake, a horny, panting mess.

“I absolutely cannot eat another thing,” he gasped.

“Oh, very good. I am impressed. Rest here a moment.” You took the glass, the cake plate, and fork to the kitchen, before grabbing a flannel from the bathroom.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, mucky pup,” you said, tenderly wiping away the worst of what was caked around Thor’s mouth and in his facial hair. “How’re you doing?” you asked, cupping a soft cheek in your hand.

“I think I would like to lie down for a bit, I’m quite tired,” he admitted. You couldn’t blame him, just watching was tiring enough. You stood up and offered him a hand. Thor didn’t really need you to pull him up, he was more than strong enough to do it himself, but he appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

“Go get comfy, I’ll do the washing up, let the dogs out, and join you in a bit,” you told him, groping his bum as he shuffled past. “Hey Thor,” you added.

“Yes, my love?”

“If Captain America has America’s ass, do you have Asgard’s ass?”

“I think we could find a smaller one to represent us as a people,” he noted, blushing a little.

“Aww, but I like this one. It’s so shapely and round.”

Thor rolled his eyes with a grin and lumbered off to the bedroom, keen to free himself from his clothes.

***

When you eventually joined Thor in the bedroom, you were surprised to find him still awake, albeit barely. His clothes were in a messy pile to one side, but that barely registered, because sprawled on top of the duvet was a very aroused, naked thunder god. He’d unbraided his hair so that it fanned out behind him on the pillow like a halo. One arm was behind his head, the other rested on his rounded tummy.

“I thought you were tired?” you queried, looking down at the dozy Asgardian. “I was expecting you to be asleep, not putting on a show.”

“Well, I was hoping you would take care of me, give my belly a little rub,” he replied with a grin.

“Only your belly needs taking care of?”

“Ok, maybe some other bits of me might like some attention.”

You rummaged around in the bedside table until you found your dry oil spray. Pumping it liberally, you made sure Thor’s belly was well coated before you settled down with your head on his chest, kissing and licking a nipple, while your hand smoothed over his stomach. Gently rubbing and kneading, you took your time, worshipping your way down to the soft underbelly where he was most sensitive. You avoided touching his cock for as long as possible, but it was hard to ignore, the head nodding against the underside of his rounded abdomen.

“Ah,” he hissed as you brushed against his erection. “I would much prefer it if you used your mouth for this part.”

Giving his tummy one last circular rub, you rolled away from Thor and moved to the very end of the bed, positioning yourself by his feet. You took one foot into your hand and began to knead it, pleased to see that the pumice was working. Thor writhed in your grasp, desperate for you to give his cock attention, but you wanted to string things out. You kissed your way from his ankle to his thigh, ignoring his erection, before massaging his other foot and repeating your journey up that sizable leg.

“My love, please,” he begged.

“Please, what?” you asked, knowing he couldn’t see you smirking.

“Please give me some release.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”

“Please...pleasure me, with your mouth.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that?” It was mean to torment Thor, yes, but also worth it to hear the increasing desperation in his voice.

“Please, I’m begging you, please. Please could you just suck my cock,” he whined.

“Oh! You mean like this?”

There was a strangled cry, then, oh fuck, yes, repeated above you as you took him into your mouth. You started slowly, licking and flicking your tongue around his head before gradually moving further down. Propped up on your elbows, you massaged the tops and sides of his packed gut, head gently butting into his underbelly, nose nudging into his soft hair as you moved up and down his length. You knew he wouldn’t last long, had seen how excited he already was, but it was still a surprise how quickly you felt his thighs trembling beneath you. His cum was thick, almost as thick as the milkshake you’d made him, and you swallowed it down. Making sure to clean him with your tongue, Thor gave an involuntary shudder, his cock now far too sensitive.

You pulled away, content to fall asleep next to the exhausted Asgardian, chest panting and stomach heaving from the exertion.

“My love?” Thor managed to huff out.

“Mmm?”

“I have one more request.”

“And want is that?”

“I want to taste you.”

You shuffled up the bed to kiss him, pressing into his sticky, soft, pink, marshmallow lips. His facial hair tickled as you deepened the kiss, but you didn’t mind. Drawing back, you took the time to admire Thor’s face. He looked happy, content. His smile was warm, his eyes sparkled, his brow was less creased, more carefree.

“That wasn’t quite what I meant,” he admitted, hurrying to add, “not that it was bad! It’s just I wanted to, uh, eat you. Eat you out.”

“I thought you couldn’t eat another thing?” you teased.

“For you, I will always make an exception. None of the wonderous tastes to cross my lips this night shall compare to yours.”

You suspected that might not strictly be true, but you didn’t have the heart to tell Thor that.

“I fear I may not be able to move from this position. You shall have to sit on me,” Thor sighed with mock melodrama.

“I think I can agree to that,” you grinned. After all, it wasn’t every day a god invited you to sit on their face. You straddled Thor and held onto the headboard, lowering yourself slowly, making sure to support the majority of your weight with your knees. Thor began to lick you, slow and languid strokes of his tongue like you were the sweetest dessert, made only for him. You slowly began grinding your hips back and forth, trying to get him where you wanted him. After the way you’d teased him, it was only payback that he make you wait, but you were eager for more.

Now that he’d had his release, Thor was far more interested in taking his time. A powerful hand moved up to grab your left hip, keeping you in place, while the other hand reached up to massage your breast, pinching your hardened nipple. Thor could feel himself getting hard again. How could he not, when everything was you? All he could taste, all he could smell, the feel of your thighs against his soft cheeks. The overwhelmed, urgent little noises you made, and when he looked up, your breasts bouncing above him, that blissed-out, happy look on your face. All of it was for him, only for him. He was the only one who got to see you like this, to make you feel like this.

And he fucking loved it.

When you came it was hard, insistent and drenching. It was like turning his face to the heavens during a thunderstorm of his own creation. Thor definitely preferred this position. His height, in fact, his size in general, meant lying down between your thighs wasn’t the easiest position. But this. This was good. His lips on yours, lovingly kissing. And if he was honest, he liked how it made you the one in charge. Every roll and slide of your hips let him know how much you enjoyed what he was doing, there was no second-guessing here. He was your plaything, your means to carnal bliss, and he couldn’t give you enough.

You’d tried to be restrained during your first orgasm, biting into your arm, but the second one had you positively screaming. The dogs were alarmed, barking and scratching at the bedroom door, but it didn’t matter. Thor released his hold on you and you slid off to the side, face-planting into the pillow.

“I did a good job, yes?” he inquired.

“Mmm, yes. Thank you. Sleep now,” you said, as much to him as the pillow.

“I’ll be right back, my love,” he said heaving himself up. “I must reassure the dogs...and perhaps wash my face.”

***

Geri and Freki soon calmed once they realised all was well. Thor washed his face thoroughly and returned to the bedroom, setting a pitcher of water and glass on the bedside table. He’d opened all the windows, yet it was still absurdly hot. Not that you seemed to notice. You’d rolled and wrapped the duvet around you like a burrito, one leg hanging out. Thor climbed in beside you, careful not to disturb you. No need to spoon you, you’d find your way to him soon enough. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever had such a thoroughly satisfying night. Not that he’d be able to enjoy nights like this too often, he didn’t want them to lose their wonder, but it seemed a fitting way to spend it, to indulge himself, on what might be his last night of reprieve before the burdens of a king were his to bear once more.

@morganhoran1671  @innerpaperexpertcloud

[strangerontheotherside84]

Wild Child (Billy Hargrove x Reader) part 5

Hey everybody thank you all so much for your nice feedback. I originally just wrote this story for a friend and didn’t think that anybody else would give a shit about it tbh. Which is also the reason why there is no regular uploading schedule and I am super shit at this whole tagging stuff…

Tagged-list: @speedmetalqueen @charmed-asylum

Warnings: language, mention of abuse, blood, mention of drug use

„Honey, I’m home.“ you shouted dramatically as you entered the small house, kicked of your boots and walked down the hallway into the kitchen.

You had actually been surprised to see lights burning inside the house as you arrived, your uncle didn’t mention that he was going to be home for dinner. Well now you at least had someone to share that frozen lasagna with. „Woah uncle Lou what’s that smell? Did you find out about the magical effects that spices have on pre-cooked food or-? Oh…“

You stopped at the sight of your uncle sitting at the kitchen table with your next door neighbour Ms Johnson, both of them looking very caught. And what you had mistaken for a very upgraded frozen lasagne seemed to actually be a real home-cooked meal. Well….you had definitely crushed their date.

„(Y/n)….I didn’t expect you to be home this early…I met Helen uhm Ms. Johnson at the garage and she suggested to cook dinner for us.“

„Yeah no worries.“ you laughed. You knew very well that Helen and your Uncle had a thing for each other. Nobody needed their car to get fixed that often. She would also regulary pretend to check up on you to see if your uncle was home. Once you even caught her, leaving the house through the backdoor early in the morning. They were acting like teenagers which to be honest was kinda cute.

„Wait a minute..“ you began, suddely realizing something, „Why did you think I wasn’t going to be home for dinner? I only had class until 2.“

„Well…school called.“

Oh fuck. Shit shit SHIT. Of course they did. How could you be so stupid?

„Well about that….“ you began laughing nervously, „I can only say it propably wasn’t as bad as it sounds.“

„What exactly?“ your Uncle was raising his voice at this point, but no matter how hard he tried…he was really bad at this whole strict-parenting-thing, „The part where you got sent to detention for almost getting into a physical fight with a boy OR the part where you got expelled for, and I quote their words: innapropriate actions with the exact same boy.“

„Well what can I say….I might have lost my temper a bit.“

„A bit?“ he was raising his eyebrows at you.

„Yeah ok maybe a little bit more than that. But I can assure you that I’m fine again. Also, innapropriate actions sounds like we were sacrificing children. It was just…oh nevermind. I’ll leave the two of you alone now“ you smiled at him and Helen, who was visibly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

„Where do you think you’re going?“

„To the lake. To think about my mistakes and nothing else of course…maybe god will end my suffering and let me drown.“

„(Y/n)!“, your uncle moved his eyes towards Helen, indicating that she wasn’t used to that level of sarcasm, „Also don’t you think, that after being expelled from school not leaving the house would be a more fitting idea?“

„Oh come on Uncle Lou…we both know that you don’t know how to punish me for something like that. And trust me I am already punished enough since I will forever have to remember making out with the biggest dickhe- uhm jerk in town…also…don’t you think it would be better if I was gone so the two of you can continue to do whatever needed to be done before I got home?“

„Fine fine fine. Get lost you little shit.“

„As you wish, sir.“ you grinned, „Bye Helen, feel free to use the front door this time.“

„(Y/N)!..I’m sorry Helen..she is….an idiot.“

„True. It runs in the family though.“ you yelled as you grabbed your stuff and made your way towards the front door.

-

You lit a cigarette, deeply inhaling the smoke only to release it into the crisp air within seconds later.

You had always enjoyed spending time at the lake.

Especially at night, there was something very soothing about this kind of solitude.

You were the only one present, as usual. Which might have been due to the fact that it was already december and pitch black outside.

But actually people didn’t really go here anymore no matter what time of the year it was. Not since they found that body which turned out not to be Will Byers, last summer. People thought the lake had been infested with some kind of supernatural bacteria, some even claimed that it was haunted.

„Well if you’re here lake-demons. Now would be a great time to drag me into the water and let me vanish from the surface of the earth.“ you mubled while flicking a stone into the dark water, watching the circles it created on the black surface.

The sound of a car stopping and a door being slammed shut in the distance suddenly pulled you from the thoughts circling in your head. Pretty weird that someone would be out here at 9pm on a monday night. Might be Chief Hopper? He would regulary pick you up at this place, when you were trying to get away from your mom and her shitty boyfriend.

But nothing followed that noise, which left you diving deep back into your thoughts once again.

You just couldn’t understand what had happened only a few hours ago.

Why WHY would you decide to kiss that walking trashbag of a human? And why the fuck did it have to feel so damn good? Worse enough that Billy already thought of himself as the hottest shit in town…why did it have to be true?…Well only kinda. It was just a few seconds of making out, which fair enough even the biggest looser would have been capable of.

Holy shit you didn’t even want to think about what you would have done if Mr. Jenkins hadn’t stopped you…but on the other hand you had the feeling that you would think about that a lot in the next few days.

Ok you really needed to stop that. NOW.

In order to not act like some horny piece of shit anymore you decided to walk around for a bit. Sitting on the freezing stones in front of the water was getting way too cold anyway.

You moved slowly on the slippery pepple stones, your eyes trying to focus in the foggy darkness. How good that you knew this place by heart and didn’t park your car too far away. You were already pretty close to the road as your eyes catched the sight of an unfamilair figure. Looked like somebody had parked their car right here in the middle of nowhere.

Please don’t let this become the next underage make-out hotspot. Isn’t Lovers Lake enough?

There clearly was somebody sitting on the hood of the car, looking rather wasted to be honest.

„Hey is everything alright?“ you asked as you approached the dark figure.

„Yeah..everything is just great.“ even though his voice sounded exhausted and faint you realized immediately who you were talking to.

„Hargrove? Are you following me or what?“ you groaned, „Is there really not enough space in Hawkins for the two of us not to meet every other day?“

„Look (y/l/n),“ Billy began, his husky voice sounding even weaker than before, „I appreciate your overall dedication to being an annoying bitch 24/7 but please, not now. Leave me the fuck alone.“

This made you very suspicious. „You sure you’re alright?“ you moved a few steps closer towards him „Holy shit dude what happened to your face?“.

It wasn’t a secret that Billy would regulary get into fights, but he would usually emerge from those as the winner. But today? The whole left side of his face was bruised, blood dripping from his eyebrow and the corner of his mouth.

He quickly faced away from you, wiping his palms across his face. „I said go away. Everything is fine.“ he growled, his voice now almost back to it’s usual low thick sound.

„I would believe you if your face didn’t look like it was hit by a fucking truck. And trust me I don’t like you enough to pretend that I care. But you look rough.“

„Well you seem to like me enough to not leave me alone.“ Billy taunted you with a grin on his face which quickly turned into a painful groan.

„Alright that’s enough let me see that.“ You took a seat next to him, carefully touching his jaw, turning his head towards you. He flinched as your fingers moved across his black and blue cheek. „Doesn’t seem to be broken..but still…who did that? Did you screw somebody’s girlfriend?“

„Doesn’t matter.“ Billy mumbled, trying to avoid eye contact.

„Well I’m not a big fan of the cops but don’t you think your parents will call them when they see you like that?“

„Nope.“

„..or maybe at least want to know what happened?“ you continued.

„Nope.“

“..or wanna know who did that?”

“Nope.” Billy seemed to be getting more and more fed up with you at this point.

„Well can you at least tell me then?“

„YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?“ Billy suddenly facing towards you, screaming at the top of his lungs, made you jump a little, „I GOT EXPELLED FROM SCHOOL BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID BITCH AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT BEHAVING AT MY HOUSE! AND NO THEY WON’T CARE WHO DID THAT BECAUSE THEY ALREADY KNOW!“

Billy was looking furious, breathing heavily, his whole body shaking with anger. His breath created little clouds in the cold december air and you thought that you could see tears shimmering in his piercing blue eyes before he turned away from you again, smashing the hood of his car, screaming with anger as he jumped onto his feet.

„Fuck…I’m sorry…I didn’t know.“ „Oh really? Thought you knew absolutely everything about me and how much of an asshole I am.“ Billy growled, still facing his back towards you as he lit a cigarette.

Yeah you deserved that one.

„Well I seem to be just as big of an asshole at this point.“ you mumbled as you reached into your pocket, „Here…guess you need that more than me.“ without waiting for a response you placed the joint from your pocket inside Billy’s left hand. He looked up to you slightly confused. „For the pain…if you need anything else..my Uncle’s secret girlfriend is a nurse. I’m sure I could get you some harder drugs.“

“Thanks…but please (y/l/n) leave me alone now.” the curly haired boy’s voice was back to that faint husky state from before, his body still visibly shaking.

“Yeah whatever I was just trying to be nice.” you mumbled not really knowing what to do. You really didn’t like him enough to be any more supportive than gifting him your last bit of weed.

“I don’t need you to be nice to me.”

“Don’t be such a bitch, Hargrove.”

„Leave me alone. And don’t even think about being nice to me just because you feel sorry for me.“ Billy snapped, pushing you aside as he walked back to his car and drove off into the night.

What a dramatic bitch.

[thisolddag]

Our Family Unplugged For 24 Hours. Here’s What Happened.

Back in September, our thirteen-year-old son finally got his own room. We converted the playroom by dragging in his bed and desk from the room he used to share with his little brother. The new “bedroom” still has bins of Legos and Thomas trains and action figures hidden in drawers, and it’s still painted a cheery bright teal, and he let me keep yesteryear scribbly artwork up, and it doesn’t quite fit his current cool, detached teenager image - but it’s got a TV and it is His Own Personal Space. 

From which he hardly ever retreats.

This is the first thing. The fact that we have for all intents and purposes, momentarily “lost” contact with him. It’s normal, I know this - normal to want to burrow away and figure things out in solace, normal for someone who is 13 and looks 16 and is wracked with evolving feelings and changing body. I get it.

But this new room, and this new kid (who is now taller than me) got me missing things. Missing how things used to be before we walked around with devices in our hands. Because the truth is we are - all four us in this house - burrowed away in our own Personal Spaces. Eyes down, time wasted, hours spent scrolling, clicking, forwarding, deleting. Even the ten-year-old who doesn’t have a phone, has an iPad and access to a computer - and so while we still play board games, and eat dinner as a family, watch movies together sometimes - the cold, hard truth is that any leisure time to spare is time spent alone, in some corner, staring down at a screen.

So when I came across Tiffany Shlain’s new book “24/6: The Power of Unplugging One Day A Week” it was like a plea, a dare, and an answer all rolled into one. The next day, I called a family meeting. 

“We’re going to implement a Tech Shabbat. We are going to unplug for twenty-four hours. No iPhones, no iPads, no computers. ALL of us. We will have a landline, a list of phone numbers to call people if we want, and one TV to share, in the family room.”

The ten year old was excited.

The thirteen year old cried.

He shed actual tears, and his reaction - fear, confusion, desperation, fury - further cemented my decision. 

Yesterday was our first unplugged Sunday.

And here are my take-aways.

THINGS THAT WERE SURPRISING

1. Teenagers are resistant and reluctant to use phones for anything other than texting. I had to implore my 13 yr old to pick up the house phone and call his friends (they were supposed to meet up for Superbowl hangout that evening.) “Nobody calls anybody! Nobody leaves voice messages. Nobody checks voicemail!” “They won’t know this number. They won’t pick up.” He was correct on all accounts. I had to call parents and inform them that it was, in fact, our son calling from a landline, that this was no prank. The kids who ended up calling back didn't know to how to greet me. They stammered and hemmed and hawed. The idea that reaching out to a friend did not guarantee a direct connection with said friend, was foreign and stupid and strange. This all blew my mind.

2. The day felt incredibly long and languid. It unfolded slowly. When we get on a device, time is sucked up so quickly. I liken it to being in a casino. Minutes fly by, the whole concept of time is warped, thwarted, eradicated. Many times a day, I take my phone out of my pocket and there I am - Instagram, Facebook, Flipboard, Twitter, Matchington Mansion - and when I slip it back into my pocket, I’m unaware of how much time has passed. An hour? Twenty minutes? I don't register it, and yet, it’s gone in a flash.

3. I didn’t miss the things I thought I would. I didn’t miss social media, I didn't miss news notifications popping up, I didn't even miss the Marco Polos I love exchanging with a group of close friends. I didn’t miss getting emails. I didn’t miss looking around for my phone or “alone time.” I still had my alone time except it was quieter - an aloneness with my thoughts, observing things instead of being distracted by them. I didn’t miss being available and connected to an outside world. When I started wondering about how someone was doing, I picked up the house phone and gave them a ring. I left a message and hoped they’d call back. It felt freeing. It felt authentic. My husband felt the same. However, our oldest son’s biggest worry was missing out. He still got dropped off at his friend’s house for the SuperBowl party (the only kid there without a phone, I'm sure) and he still had loads of fun. In fact, when I called the kid’s house later that night to check up on him, he sounded energetic and happy and even ended the conversation with “I love you, mom.” But later he mentioned experiencing anxiety - feeling like he was missing out on “something important” by not having access to his phone. To him, having his phone nearby means having his friends nearby. Without it, he feels lost, unmoored. That admission made me think about how hard it is for our kids, who have grown up used to being “connected” all the time.

4. Landlines are FUN. My friends called a few times, and I would slightly thrill at the sound of a phone ringing throughout the house, and I’d run downstairs to pick up the receiver in time, smiling. As we talked, one friend commented how it felt like we were sixteen, hanging off our beds, twirling our hair, talking about our crushes. 

5. My husband and I worked on a crossword puzzle over coffee and breakfast. I also finished a jigsaw puzzle in one afternoon, which I’d been working on for weeks. I read a lot. My boys lay together on the couch and agreed on what to watch on the one TV we could use. They hung out more than they had in a long, long time. We all felt relaxed. I ended up watching the Superbowl because by 9pm, I was too tired to start another jigsaw puzzle, too tired to read, so what else was there to do? I laid on the couch and learned about fumbles, and touchdowns, and cheered for the Chiefs and I kind of got into it. Who the fuck would have thunk. 

THINGS THAT WERE ANNOYING

1. I couldn’t take pictures. That sucked. 

2. Traveling was unsettling. When the boys went to SkyZone, I didn't like not being able to get in touch with them. Granted, my sister and her husband and kid were there too, and I called her, but still. I thought about car accidents or something random and awful happening while they were out, and I worried about when they’d get home. That kinda sucked too. It felt like an old yet unfamiliar sensation - not knowing what was going on at every single moment. 

3. We couldn't order anything online. We couldn't use GrubHub or DoorDash, or GoogleMaps. We couldn’t just like check the weather with a swipe of one finger. Not having the everyday convenience of being online was a bit of a bother, but we survived. It made me realize that we have gotten lazy about daily tasks, and that part of our brain has BECOME our iPhone. 

4. I snacked a lot. Without my calorie counting and fitness apps to log my food intake, I suddenly found myself snacking on junk. I did work out, but eating that day became a sort of time filler, and the feeling reminded me of quitting cigarettes and turning to food. That was unforeseen, and I did not like it.

THINGS THAT WERE PROFOUND

1. All day, we felt like we were together in the same space. We retreated less often. We felt serene, light on our feet. We settled into feeling bored, or lazy, or inspired. We gave each other more attention but somehow felt less encumbered upon. It was really, really lovely and soothing. Putting away our devices felt like going on vacation. When we went to bed, I felt closer to my husband. I felt like we had truly shared the day. And both us were not exactly looking forward to Monday, because it felt like going back to the grind. Already there was a bubble of anxiety in our chests, a feeling of weight on our shoulders. Also, I had 127 emails waiting for me this morning and not a one of them was something that desperately should have been answered yesterday. So there was that realization too. The world won’t fall apart if you check out for one day.

2. Twenty-fours can change you. It is a small amount of time, yet our 24 hours unplugged felt so incredibly substantial and so behavior-altering that it made me pause and realize just how addicted we have become to always being connected to the outside world via technology. It’s fucking bizarre, if you think about it. 

3. Unplugging and reaping the benefits will only work when the adults in the house do it too. We already have a Device Free day and have had it for years, but it only applied to the kids. It has never felt as pure, and as important and GOOD, as yesterday, when the rules applied to all of us. Taking electronic away from the kids, while being allowed ourselves because “we didn't grow up with this, so we’re not addicted to it” - is like telling someone to go on a diet and eating cake in front of them all day, because well, you personally don't have an issue with weight. Suddenly, it became clear: to be together, we have to do this together.

Moral of the story: this was a pretty amazing experience, as trivial as it seemed to some. If you are feeling burdened, stressed out, fractured, cranky with your kids, your partner - I highly recommend investing in a landline, writing down phone numbers, picking a weekend day, and trying it out. It will feel new and beautiful, and reassuring somehow. Because while there were moments when obviously we went our own ways, did our own thing, we still felt as one. There were no walls, no apps, no texts getting in the way of figuring out and enjoying the day. We were fully present with each other, with ourselves - aware of time but not panicked or confined by it. 

In her book, Tiffany Shlain writes that her family has been unplugging one day a week for ten years now. I don’t know how long we’ll last, but all I know is this - we can’t wait for next Sunday.

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode 10: Medium Rare

View on Google Docs

Summary: September 15, 2015 - Sammy & Ben welcome in studio guest, medium Miss Olivia DuPont, however a miscommunication of her talents brings up some painful memories that both Ben & Deputy Troy wish to forget.

[podcast intro music]

Sammy [agitated] I’m not gonna debate you ma’am, I’m just trying to say that gravity really isn’t something that’s up for discussion, sheesh.

Ben [amused] Don’t take it personally. Mrs. Bodenheimer told me in third grade that she didn’t believe in air.

Sammy …conditioning?

Ben Oh, no! Air. In general. She thought oxygen was a satanic fairy tale concocted by God-hating scientists.

Sammy [disbelieving] Yet she was in charge of educating you and hundreds of other youngsters.

Ben College diploma goes a long way in a little town, buddy.

Sammy Alright, well up next we’ve got a pretty interesting visitor coming in studio with us.

Ben Hopefully so!

Sammy O— you don’t know her?

Ben I do not, but she sent us a ton of emails during the electrolocaust and said she was a big fan.

Sammy All of them say she has a special talent she’d like to share with us and the listeners

Ben Absolutely, and she’ll be coming up after a word from our sponsors.

[dramatic eerie music]

Announcer On the season premier of the nation’s number one paranormal investigation show: Mission Apparition. [theatrical crash] Dan and the team find themselves in a sticky situation. [static]

Dan [echoing] They had to shut this place down after all the accidents. This is Tanner’s Taffy factory and it’s been abandoned since 1991. [static]

Announcer …or has it?

Dan There’s, uh— God there’s a lot of EVP activity around [walkie talkie sound] Larry, Larry I’d think you better go.

[theatrical crash]

Dan [walkie click] [hushed] Larry? Larry! [walkie click] Larry go!

Larry [creepy, ascending, violin-screech sound effects] [through walkie] I see the lights, man, I see it

Dan Larry move your ass!

Announcer It’s another can’t-miss episode from the show that doesn’t miss a thing when it comes to the extraordinary: Mission Apparition

[News music]

NEWS ANCHOR Season premier, tonight at 9pm on King Falls Channel 13.

[KFAM theme]

Ben That is- ridiculous.

Sammy We’re live, Ben.

Ben I know! It doesn’t change the fact that “Mission Apparition” sucks as much as the channel that shows it.

Sammy It sounded pretty interesting to me.

Ben Dan and Larry from that show? wouldn’t know what to do in a haunted situation to save their lives. Stupid meters and light particles, [“stupid voice” imitation] “oh hey I know! let’s shoot some night vision so everything looks pretty scary and suspect!” Idiots.

Sammy You don’t have to get hot about it.

Ben Oh, I’m just fine, Sammy. I’m simply saying, Mission Apparition is a dumb show Made by dummies For dummies.

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, please be sure to direct all your hateful tweets to @kingfallsam and we’ll make sure Ben answers each and every one.

Ben Get at me twitter! #bringit

Sammy *laughs* On a different note, we have a guest in studio with us tonight. She is a self-professed medium—

Olivia [slight South African accent] Miss Olivia DuPont. Heh, see I knew it was coming.

Sammy [laughing] You’re good Miss DuPont. So Ben tells me you emailed us in hopes of coming on the show?

Olivia I was very eager to come visit my favourite late-night AM talk show and maybe help some people with some closure along the way.

Ben Thanks Miss DuPont, we are happy to have you.

Olivia Oh, please call me Golden Owl. *Who-whoo who-whoo!*

Sammy Ummm…

Olivia *Laughs* What a hoot and riot, you should have seen your face Sammy. Please, call me Olivia.

Ben Ha. S- soo… um, you aren’t from King Falls, is that correct?

Olivia That is, I live a few towns over. Up in Big Pine. That’s where my shop is as well.

Ben I love Big Pine! I- I used to go camping there as a kid! It’s beautiful and so laid-back.

Sammy Laid-back? I didn’t know it got slower then King Falls!

Ben You’ll have to excuse Shotgun Sammy here, he’s a Big City guy.

Sammy Anyway, so how did you find out that you had this talent, Olivia? That you were a medium.

Olivia Oh, from a very young age. My parents were veterinarians and we lived in an apartment above their office, so I used to hear- so many lost souls. Day in and day out.

Ben Lost souls? Wh-why were these people hanging out at the vets?

Olivia [confused] People?

Sammy I’m sorry, Olivia. Maybe we’ve got our wires crossed here. We were under the impression that you were a psychic.

Olivia [firmly] Medium. Psychics are low life charlatans.

Sammy I’m sorry, a medium.

Olivia A medium is someone whose 6th sense is so in tune, so aware, that a bridge is made to the other side, in which we can communicate with our loved ones.

Ben Uh, but- but again why were the souls of people hanging out at your parents’ vet office?

Olivia *scoffs* What does this have to do with people, Ben?

Sammy Okay, this bridge that you’ve-you’ve built to the other side. Is it not for people?

Olivia [laughing] Heaven’s no!

Ben I’m lost.

Olivia Well I’m- one of a kind, I get human interference from- time to time, you know [long-suffering] a mother looking to reconnect with her kids, a brother that died in the war. Ugh. I ignore that. This is about our deceased loved ones. The furry kind, or feathered! or what-have-you.

Ben Wait. You talk to dead pets?

Olivia Harsh, but not incorrect Ben.

Ben [growing slightly frantic]Oh, no, see I-I-I booked you so we could talk about your gift and take some calls from the listeners, but—

Olivia We can take calls Ben.

Sammy So, to be clear, you have contact with human spirits and you just toss them to the wayside to talk to Fido.

Olivia *laughs* Anyone can talk to deceased humans, Sammy, especially here in King Falls. This place is beaming with activity- even the two of you could do it if you tried. But nobody talks to our long-lost pets.

Ben I’m sorry, this isn’t what we were looking for Miss DuPont.

Olivia Golden Owl. Hoh, excuse me boys *loud sigh* this one is coming on strong! MMMOOooo MMMrrrr… Moo. *loud sigh* Sorry boys,[solemnly] that was- that was a rough one. Cassie the Cow was crying out. She lived in one of those factory farms and she- *deep breath* was using me to tell the world about her last days in the Cowschwitz[sic].

Sammy Okay folks, we’re sorry. Just give us a minute or two so we can uh… So we can get this—

Olivia I seeee… a dog? forgive me- AAAOOOoo AWAWWOOooo ARAwwo *growls*

Ben [Irritated] Okay, I think we’ve heard enough.

Olivia Wolfington?

Ben This is insane.

Sammy [seriously] Wait. What color is the dog?

Olivia Black— oh a little-bit of brown. He looks like— a lap dog perhaps? Uhh…

Sammy A terrier!

Olivia Oh, of course, I can see it nowww. He’s just wagging his tail, so happy, chasing his ball- Oh! Ooh, he’s mounting your Teddy Ruxpin bear[1].

Sammy That’s him! Oh my gosh!

Ben [incredulous] Wolfington the terrier? Come oonnn.

Sammy That’s my dog, Ben! He ran away when I was in grade school.

Olivia Woof! RUFF! Ruff-ruff-rUFF! Oh. He wants you to know that he’s fine Sammy, Wolfington had a good life. He isn’t mad that you only ever shared your veggies at the dinner table.

Sammy [entreating] Heh, it’s all I could do little buddy! my mom was always watchin’!

Ben Sammy?

Sammy Uh, *clears throat* I mean, y-you know that’s- that’s good, that’s real good Olivia. Uh, thank you.

Ben What is going on here?! Snap out if it, Sammy, this is obviously a con. Facebook info- or something.

Olivia I seee—  [whispered] what is it? Is it a bird?

Ben [mocking]Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Olivia Is it a tiny… monkey? No— no no, dig deeper. Marsupial!

Ben You aren’t buying this, right?

Olivia I feeel a- a naame… Serendipity?

Ben [shocked] What the Hell?

Sammy Ben, you alright over there?

Ben I’m- fine. Um. Go on, Golden Owl?

Olivia Is it a… sugar glider!

Ben It is! Serendipity the sugar glider! Oh man.

Sammy You can’t be serious, Ben. Your parents bought you an exotic animal and the best name you can come up with is “Serendipity”?

Ben [defensive] It came already named, man, and No, for the record? we found it. There was a travelling zoo that came through the Falls. And the day after, my friends and I found a box, down at the fairgrounds, and inside? there was little Serendipity, looking back up at us.

Olivia He said he’s sorry that he couldn’t stay. He wishes he did, that mean man with the badge- well, [softly] and you know how that goes.

Sammy Uh, how what goes? What happened?

Ben [upset] I don’t want to talk about it.

Olivia He forgives you Ben.

Ben [forcefully] Golden Owl I said I’m done! Let’s Take some callers.

Sammy Ben, I’m sorry, but this seems like—

Ben [distressed] Why don’t you pry your fingers- into the open wound- of my heart, and dig it all out, Sammy? Sweet Jack in the Box Jesus.

Sammy … You’re right, I-I’m sorry Ben. Well, King Falls you’ve heard Serendipity’s story, now let’s hear yours. 424-279-3858. We are live with pet medium, Olivia DuPont a—

Ben Did he live a good life? Olivia? W-was he happy, like Sammy’s puppy?

Olivia Do you not know?

Ben Know what?

Sammy I’m so confused here.

Olivia Serendipity was a bit of an outlaw. Sugar Gliders are illegal to posses in the tri-state region because of the ’72 Sugar Flu outbreak.

Sammy Seriously, okay guys, I just pulled up Sugar Gliders on the googs, adorable!

Ben They were still illegal. My mom tried calling the travelling zoo but to no avail. And it wasn’t like I didn’t want to keep Serendipity, I loved the little guy but, one of my backstabbing “friends” from school said something to Bodenheimer … I-I don’t want to talk about this.

Sammy They took him away?

Ben Mrs. Bodenheimer did. She took him to the office, and I never saw him again. She said she was going to make sure he got back to the zoo, di-di-did he, Golden Owl?

Olivia MMEEEEOOOOOWWW MEOOOWWW *hisses* Sorry, a calico is summoning me.

Ben Cut the crap! What’s this about the man with the badge?

Olivia [nervously] O- of course I’ve just heard this second-hand. Ben— I mean who’s to say exactly- what happened? It- you know, it’s from a different perspective then we can understand.

Ben What happened?

Olivia Serendipity- bit the man with the badge on the drive and- was tossed out the window. Into the river. Then- eventually down the falls. *chitters and hisses*

Ben That son of a bitch, w-wha-who’s name was on that badge?

Olivia It’s murky. Hard to grasp. Serendipity is jumping from nether tree to nether tree- Oh! Oh! I think I have it. [straining] G. U. N. Oh, I can’t see- D?

Ben [angrily] I knnnew it.

Olivia Take it with a grain of salt Ben- I mean, it’s just one version, from [laughingly] a marsupial no less.

Ben He was an awesome. possum. I-I gotta step outside for a minute [chair squeak].

Sammy While Ben takes a little break, let’s take a few callers.[door closing] Give us a call King Falls. Let’s talk about your dearly departed, uh, pets.

Olivia I’m ready.

Sammy Line 4, you’re live with Sammy and Miss Olivia DuPont.

Troy Gosh darn it, Sammy, I’m really sorry to hear about Ben’s little buddy.

Sammy I’m sure he’ll appreciate the kind words Troy, I’ll be sure to pass them on buddy .

[police radio can be heard faintly in bg]

Troy [solemn] I’ve got a confession to make that I ain’t proud of. I… I was the reason for the demise of little Serendipity. Such a sweet little fella. I just didn’t know he get taken away, y’know? For good.

Sammy Wait. You’re the reason Serendipity was taken away?

Troy Ah hells bells Sammy, I was the one that rolled over on Ben but— I didn’t mean for the little furry guy to get taken away! It was just a real kerfuffle on this end.

Sammy This explains so much.

Troy Me and Ben was best buddies coming up, Sammy. I didn’t want to tell on him, but little Serendipity got frisky one day at lunch and sh[bleep] on one of the teacher’s Mexican pizza. Tough ol’ Bodenheimer cornered me ‘cause she thought he was mine. Ben ain’t never gonna forgive me and that’s deserved.

[door closing]

Sammy That’s all in the past Troy. I’m sure- someday –

Ben Sorry about that guys. Some-someday what?

Sammy Oh, uh- y-you know- we-we’re just taking calls from listeners right now Ben. On the line we’ve got- Troy.

Troy [mournful] Hey Ben. Man I was listening to the program tonight, when I heard Miss DuPont pontificatin’ about the dead animals and su—

Ben [Hastily] Now’s not the time Troy, especially from you!

Troy I’m hurtin’ something awful about Serendipity, buddy. How many times do I have to apologize to make it right?

Ben Loose Lips Sink Ships, Troy, the ship of friendship. Have fun on the SS Backstabber. [click, dial tone] Line 1, you’re live on King Falls AM. Prepare your tissues.

Ron Boys, I won’t keep you long. This question is for, Golden Owl? is that right?

Olivia Yes.

Ron Before my question ma’am, you might want to work on that name. It might just be me, but it sounds like a sophisticated lemon party for birds.Not that I’m against that sort of thing. Sh[bleep] even last night—

Sammy Ron Begley, ladies and gents.

Ron Alright I get it, enough foreplay. Brass tacks Miss Owl, how does it work if you didn’t particularly own the pet, but you saw it as a kid, grew up near it, fed it, maybe had a puff the magic dragon relationship with it.

Ben He wants to know if you can tap into your unending source of pain and find Kingsie’s parents. Maybe tell us how they were, harpooned by Japanese tourists in front of Kingsie as a baby and made into sashimi.

Olivia Mr. Begley I’m not sure if that’s really in my wheelhouse, but perhaps if you introduce me to this Kingsie you’re referencing?

Ron Well hell yeah! How can I get a hold of you to make an appointment?

Sammy All of Miss DuPont’s information is on our website Ron, or you can check it out on twitter at—

Ron Yeah yeah, @, ampersand, hashtag, underscore, exclamation mark dot dot dot King Falls dot net. Shut your sweet little trap Sammy! I got it! I’ll be in touch soon Golden Owl. [mildly exasperated] But seriously, work on that name

[click, dial tone]

Ben Other than, re-breaking everyone’s hearts, Olivia— what do you get out of this?

Olivia I’m sorry for the troublesome story, Ben. Not all of them -hardly any of them- end so badly.

Ben So I’m just the lucky one.

Sammy Ben—

Ben I’m so glad to hear that not everyone’s pet got thrown out of a moving car and into Peace river and down the falls by Sheriff damn Gunderson. That’s the silver lining, right?

Olivia If it’s true.

Ben [skeptical] You get a lot of lying cats and dogs in your line of work, Olivia?

Olivia [awkwardly] Not— to my knowledge.

Ben He did it.

Sammy Okay, let’s not go making accusations it could have been any number of deputies, maybe even from a different county, I mean who can say?

Ben [insistent] It was Gunderson, I just know it. He literally damn near spelled it out! Ask him to spell out the rest, Olivia.

Olivia He saysss, *sigh* Golden Owl, your business license is up for renewal, so don’t rock the boat?

Ben BULL!

Sammy *clears throat* Olivia, we’re gonna take another phone call here in a minute. Perhaps, uh, before that you could give us a light-hearted example of a run in with someone’s, uh, expired creature.

Olivia Well, there was this one encounter with Bruce the Stingray.

Sammy [incredulously] A stingray. Now, what’s a dead stingray got to talk about?

Olivia Well, Steve Irwin[2] for one.

[KFAM outro]

[Credits]

REFERENCES:

[1] Teddy Ruxpin - Teddy Ruxpin is an animatronic children's toy in the form of a talking 'Illiop', a creature which looks like a bear. The creature's mouth and eyes move while "reading" stories played on an audio tape cassette deck built into its back.

[2] Steve Irwin - “The Crocodile Hunter” was an Australian zookeeper, television personality, wildlife expert, environmentalist and conservationist. Possibly best known for the show “The Crocodile Hunter” (1996–2007), an internationally broadcast wildlife documentary series, which he co-hosted with his wife Terri. They also co-owned and operated Australia Zoo, about 80 kilometres (50 mi) north of the Queensland state capital city of Brisbane. Steve died on September 4, 2006, after being pierced in the chest by a stingray barb while filming in Australia's Great Barrier Reef.