#this was a challenge because i don't see either of them as being naturally reluctant for physical affection

[cha-melodius]

firstprince hug prompt #30

(You sent two and I said I was gonna combine them, so I did. And because you said you were constantly adding "between spies" to the prompts in your head, that's what you get too. 😂 hug ficlet prompts)

30: The reluctant hug from someone who isn’t exactly a fan of physical affection; 13: The hug which tells you everything you need to know.

Alex is not ok.

He’s trying not to show it, of course, but they’ve been working together long enough for it to be obvious. They’ve been partners long enough, have seen each other at highs and lows, and this, Henry knows without a doubt, is a low. Maybe the lowest he’s ever seen Alex, and that’s saying something.

He doesn’t know what happened. Is too afraid to ask when Alex returns and doesn’t immediately start giving him a play-by-play. Whatever it is, it must be quite bad for Alex to have retreated into himself like this. He’s in pretty much the same place he collapsed on the sofa after he came back to the safehouse, answering Henry’s questions in single syllables, staring at a newspaper without reading it. He doesn’t even read the newspaper under normal circumstances. Henry’s the one that always picks it up, because he likes the idea of some things being true enough to print in indelible ink, even when he knows they’re not, and Alex makes fun of him for being an old man.

Henry doesn’t know what to do. He’s not equipped for this, not after so many years in the Service. He’s not built for providing comfort, not beyond making a pot of tea, which certainly won’t help Alex. But he wants, unaccountably, to make things better somehow. Needs to.

He won’t pretend not to know what’s behind it, even though he probably should. It’d be safer for both of them if he just let Alex be, let him handle whatever happened on his own.

Instead, he slowly lowers himself to the couch next to Alex and takes the newspaper out of his hands. Alex doesn’t fight him, just gives him a wary look like he’s afraid Henry’s going to ask more questions that he doesn’t want to—or can’t—answer.

But Henry slides a hand onto Alex’s shoulder and opens his other arm in the universal sign of offering a hug, and asks, “Can I?”

Perhaps predictably, Alex stares at him. “Are you sure? You don’t have to just for me. I’ll be fine.”

Just as Henry knows him, he knows Henry. Knows that Henry avoids most physical contact outside what’s necessary for his work, has pretty much since his father died and his mother withdrew and his sister disappeared, and no one hugged Henry for literal years. Knows that the demands of the job have only made it worse. Alex is careful with him, never asking too much, even though Alex is definitely the kind of person who thrives on casual physical affection.

Even with all of that, Henry wants to do this. He’s not sure it will help—not sure he even knows how to give good hugs anymore—but he’s sure he wants to try. “Yes,” he tells Alex. “I want to. If— If you do,” he adds, suddenly uncertain.

What if Alex doesn’t want a hug from him? What if he understands the magnitude of this, because there’s no way he doesn’t, and it’s too much? What if—

Alex very nearly launches himself into Henry’s arms, pressing in close as he curls his own arms around Henry’s waist, burrowing under skin and muscle and bone until he’s securely lodged in Henry’s ventricles. The hug almost hurts, and not because Alex is squeezing him so tightly, but because Henry’s chest is cracking open at the feeling of Alex shaking apart in his arms. Henry holds him just as tightly, murmuring soft words of comfort as he smooths a hand over Alex’s wild curls, and lets him stay as long as he wants.

(It’s all night—Alex stays in his arms all night, and Henry never once wants him to leave. Their partnership will never be the same. Henry will never be the same.

He doesn’t regret any of it.)

[risingsuntarot]

1--2

3

What are you currently not seeing ?

My lord I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long I kinda jus felt so unmotivated and kinda went hermit mode for quite a while so I apologize for my absence!! Anyways I wanted to make a come back with a reading regarding being trapped, blinded or stuck on something that is unfortunately, hindering your process ;+(

Also * will indicate a reversal from here on out also only three piles because I wanted to get this out ASAP !!

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Pile 1

---Cards pulled---

5 of Coins/4 of Wands*/The magician

3 of coins*/The Moon

---Clarification---

9 of coins/9 of Swords/The hierophant

Ace of wands/3 of wands

There is most likely a financial or material issue happening, I heard "just enough to get by"

It looks like you lack in what you currently need as well? But despite this you are content or try to come off that way

Maybe you just moved into your own apartment recently? Or now have to pay rent or something along those lines

A new responsibility within your family/home life too

There's a lack of confidence here especially within self and home life

Something or someone in your home isn't making you feel quite safe? Or you get nightmares about them (if this is the case please seek help!!) that might be a very specific message BUT Could also be ready as you may be dealing with flashbacks at this time due to financial or material loss !! Maybe you grew up in poverty or an unstable home? Or your parents/caregivers weren't able to provide necessities?

It looks like with the magician and the hierophant there is a gift on the horizon or a very promising belief or like system? Maybe a change in routine or spending habits and thinking will help tremendously

I see that on your end for some your guides are frustrated with your lack of effort and motivation to make your thousands of ideas a reality

They absolutely love your creativity tho don't get me wrong

Maybe you have a hard time focusing right now and have many great ideas to put into place but lack motivation or resources as well so this leads to lack of movement or commitment

Sadness, restless emotions and late sleepless nights are prominent here, someone may deal with insomnia here but y'all sleep schedule is wack (same tho)

Feeling blocked and frustrated >:+(

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Summer - "Bask in Joy and Light"

"Rise up, open your wings and shine. Bring your projects and plans into into the light, into manifestation" as soon as I opened the guidebook lil

DEADASS do that's just that, start off easy with a lobes hobby, draw something new or listen to a new genre, learn that new music sheet that has been challenging you or even get into a new type of skill to re motivate you !!

This also indicates summer may be your time of change!! New opportunities, new memories maybe even knew people

I feel like this is the perfect time to go outside, bask in sunlight and enjoy a nearby park or go on a nature hike, try meeting new people at libraries, bars or events even book clubs?

I'm getting a message to connect more with water so swimming or maybe even kayaking?

The big message here is try something n e w but I'm also being told to "loosen up" I'm tensing up a lot with this reading

Bumble bees maybe significant to someone :+) or honeycombs cereal? Lmao honey and bee related things here

---Channeled Songs---

Ego brain - SOAD

"You see my pain is real

Watch my world dissolve

And pretend that none of us see the fall

As I turned to sand

You took me by the hand

And declared, that love prevails over all"

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Pile 2

---Cards pulled---

Temperance/9 of Wands/Ace of cups*

Knight of Coins/6 of Wands

---Clarification---

5 of Coins/The Lovers*/8 of Coins

The Moon/Queen of Wands

Okay so there's a sense for reluctance from this pile tbh like to fully acknowledge the truth

I keep wanting to say what happened so you may be being asked this question a lot

For one there is guilt over either healing and moving on or from not healing and moving on from a difficult situation but for most it's a romantic connection

I feel like voices were silenced, and you were constantly fighting for you right to be heard, seen or acknowledged fairly

It was a toxic dynamic that you still look back on to this day but almost feel indifferent but it seems it's just suppressed emotions and memories that you have yet to actually acknowledge

You seem to be a BIT too logical with what happened, like everything was supposed to be this way even this you didn't at all anticipate it if that makes sense

Like you knew what it was exactly, no bs and people tried convincing you otherwise

It looks like someone may come to you to talk about what happened although you may be reluctant to actually open up and speak on your side or even acknowledge that it hurts

It's like you go on about your day with a heavy rain cloud over your head and this person can see :+(

it maybe a friend to help you through this for some possibly offering you a type of hype sesh or even help you glow up a bit even if it's confidence lol

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Wolf- "Take care of your needs"

I feel like you definitely need rest here, this card says "Do everything you need to do to be at your best, Then move beyond your fears and limitations"

it feels like a state of I can FINALLY get some rest from running and running and running

You've been in survival mode for so long or you just genuinely feel exhausted from the expectations around you or the trauma in your past

Know that's it's okay to just chill out and it's okay to be on your own for a while it's all part of the process, in fact I believe your guides are asking you to spend time with yourself more

Self care and YouTube days are recommend :+))

---Channeled Songs---

Around the fur - Deftones

"Please don't fuck around and die like this

'Cause I love her"

Brand new numb - Motionless in white

"All of my flaws, I wear 'em with honor

A purple heartbreak for all we've suffered"

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Pile 3

---Cards pulled---

The Hierophant*/King of cups/4 of Swords

Wheel of fortune/5 of wands*

---Clarification---

Ace of Swords*/5 of Swords/Queen of Coins

The Hermit*/Queen of Cups

This may be a more masculine in terms of energy for this pile but I'll still read the same

So it seems there was a hypocrisy or an act that went against your morals and you were quick to act and deliver your opinion... "sharply"

You stood your ground and what you believed in in your heart despite the haters lol, and despite the arguments or how many people you had to leave behind something about conflict here

Although the way you did this was quite nonchalantly and someone was not a fan I'm picking up on black hair and green for the description for some reason

This person tends to be the center of attention? Or is very attractive, or maybe even a bit out of place almost ? But you not caring is pissing them off

I see there's gonna be change to the situation but someone may have to trail off onto their own path :+( a bit shunned almost but it's a high probability it's this other person

It's possible someone with the same morals and values as you is helping the conflict "die out" but not caring or almost standing in solidarity

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

High Priest - "Intend and Create"

"Recognize you have the power to change you life. Face your fear and align with the light"

Kind of a plain message but with this card I am getting that you can literally move anyway you want with this and just move on

It seems your intentions were nothing but pure in the end so no Karma was ever delivered to you

How unfortunate for the other person :+pp

It also seems some may follow in your path a bit here but spirits asking you to reach out to someone like a teacher for further guidance if you feel stuck

---Channeled Songs---

Riptide - Grandson

"I've tried getting better, did all of the twelve steps

Whoever would'a thought? Whoever could've guessed?"

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[jikoku-a]

✿ / jun & judai

breathes in deep ....... you underestimate how much i adore this duo

FRIENDSHIP.     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in crime  /  old friendship  / [ your muse] is the good influence  / [ your muse ] is the bad influence  / [ my muse ] is the good influence  / [ my muse ] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other

i love their friendship ..... truly brainrot over them ! i just adore the rivals to reluctant friends trope hehe, with judai being completely apathetic to jun's grumbling and groaning and just being happy to have a rival who constantly challenges him to get better (: they truly are the best adventure buddies and the fact that they can eventually both see ka too !!! they're sort of frenemies if only because i don't think jun would ever admit that he and judai are friends, and there's some baggage attached to their relationship on jun's side, but i think their friendship is tried and true either way. they're so goofy and ridiculous together that i just adore seeing them interact no matter what form it's in or what it's about.

ROMANCE.     childhood sweethearts  / [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush  / [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [ from your muses side ] /  unrequited [ from my muses side ] /  unrequited [ from both sides ] /  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ] /  soulmates  [ literal ] /  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [ on your muse ] /  cheating [ with your muse ] /  other 

i do really adore these two as a ship and i think they vibe romantically as they get to know each other ! judai's carefree nature and genuine acceptance of who jun is eventually forces him to grow as both a duelist and a person, and that sort of openness is what jun needs in a relationship imo. their dynamic is just a bunch of different applicable tropes that have me by the throat: cat and dog, red oni and blue oni, tiger vs dragon. i love them as a friendship and love them as boyfriends.

FAMILIAL.     siblings [ half ] /  siblings [ step ] / [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  / [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  / [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours  / [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  / [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing  / [ my muse] is taken under yours wing  /  other

ANTAGONISTIC.     dangerous to each other  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into sexual or romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of off circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based off misunderstanding or lies  /  conflict of ideology  /  betrayal  /  hero - villain dynamic  /  enemies  /  fight club  /  friends turned enemies  /  lovers turned enemies  /  exes turned enemies  /  other 

it's a little funny to say that they're enemies because judai just doesn't even see jun in that way, even when he's at his most intense ? at most they're rivals and fucked up little petty frenemies. i love the slice of life episodes like the duel festival one because even though they're constantly bickering, they're really just two idiot dorks who love this card game, and the more lighthearted settings in the anime let them just be normal students and highlight how petty their beef actually is at times. still, their rivalry is not only important to help both of them learn and grow, but i don't really think they'd be the same people without each other hehe c:

[aphrostarot]

Healing Inner Child Pick a Pile

What wounds does your inner child have and how can you help heal them?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Fuchsite):

How do you see yourself?

Seven of Wands:

You view yourself as someone who has fought tooth and nail to get to where you are. You also believe you have a strong sense of justice and will never let others stand in their way. However, due to the difficulties you've encountered in your life, you have lost the ability to see others as allies, which has hindered your ability to make new friends, keep friends, and ask for help when you need it.

The Widow:

Throughout her life, the Widow has suffered a lot of death, literally and figuratively. She, however, has survived each of these losses with a great amount of strength. While you have had a lot of difficulties in your life, you have handled them with great dignity and grace. These are the things you believe make you strong and give you the ability to survive all that life throws your way.

How does your inner child see you?

Ten of Cups:

This is the card of fairy tales and having it come out here is showing me that your inner child thinks of you as their fairy tale ending. You are everything your inner child ever dreamed of becoming. They view you as obtaining their happily ever after, after having gone through a period of struggles in life. You are very successful and charming in their eyes.

The Coquette:

In their eyes, you are extremely charming, confident, and flirtatious. You have everyone’s eyes on you when you walk into a room. Everyone either wants to be you or do you. You are able to charm the socks off just about anyone you encounter, making them give you just about anything you want. You are very dreamy in your inner child’s eyes.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Two of Swords:

They feel out of balance and they do not know how to find balance again. They are scared because they view you as this amazing person, as the one who they always dreamed of becoming and you do not think of yourself like that, which scares them. Because how can they see you for what you truly are and you not see that? How can you be the same person yet be so so, different?

What did you lack as a child?

Ten of Pentacles:

This is the card of abundance, of happy families. It seems to me that your family lacked financial abundance in your childhood and this really affected your happiness as a whole family but also as an individual.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

Three of Pentacles:

At some point in your life, you were the victim of envy, and this scarred your inner child. The people around you were jealous of you, so instead of trying to help you, they tried to destroy you instead. As a result of them hurting you, your inner child struggles to trust others.

How does that thing affect your life now?

Ten of Wands:

This has affected your ability to work hard, and your progress in life. When these people were trying to ruin your life you were at a point where your progress and hard work were just starting to pay off. And now you have a fear of making progress in your life because you fear the people around you will not support your life last time.

The Empress:

The Empress is all about growth and having it come out here is telling me that your fear of success is hindering your growth within yourself. Your inner child’s trauma is what is causing you to fear your own success and your mistrust of others.

What is something you can do to heal your inner child?

Nine of Swords:

As a result of the trauma that your inner child has endured, they have become very anxious and depressed. Your lack of trust in others is your inner child coming forward.

Seven of Cups:

By rediscovering your dreams of success, you will be able to heal your inner child. As a result of your past, you have lost those dreams and this has caused a lot of pain to your inner child. You will be more willing to achieve success once you realize that people in your life don't determine how you spend your life, thus healing your inner child.

Princess:

You are your own knight in shining armor, according to this card. There is no need for anyone else to fight for you. To help your inner child heal, your guides are telling you that you must fight for yourself. You do not need the people in your life to approve of your life decisions.

How can you support your inner child?

The Devil:

As we have established, your inner child views you as the person they have always dreamed of becoming, and this card is showing that one way to support your inner child is by viewing yourself as they do. You can regain balance in your life by aligning your views of yourself with theirs.

Tower:

This card tells you to unplug and relax. You need some self-care at this moment. Your guides are saying that a way for you to support your inner child is by taking care of yourself. Love yourself, view yourself the way your inner child does.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

Six of Cups:

When you were a kid you were very passionate about life and your dreams of success. Those dreams were shattered by setbacks and jealous people who made you lose heart. You are being urged by your inner child to rediscover those dreams. Channel your inner child so you can feel that passion yet again.

Pile Two (Amethyst):

How do you see yourself?

The Empress:

Charm, charisma, and beauty are just a few of the things you think make you special. Your view is that you are a very creative and intelligent person who can succeed in anything they do. In your eyes, you exude a strong motherly nature that compels others to love being in your presence making you a great friend and lover.

The Gamine:

The Gamine rejects all things that society deems feminine, often rocking a pixie cut or a short chop with boxy clothes. They are free-spirited and a delight to be around. This is how you see yourself, as possessing a charming youthful spirit.

How does your inner child see you?

Six of Wands:

Your inner child sees you as someone who loves the spotlight but is very passionate, determined, and unafraid to take risks. In their eyes, you are positive, optimistic, and a natural-born leader. It feels to me that you are not at all someone they ever imagined becoming but they love who you have become.

The Siren:

The siren is a symbol of the challenge of resistance. Irresistible, she can entice just about anyone into her traps. She has every enchanted by her beauty and her voice. That is how your inner child perceives you, as someone who is irresistible and extremely strong.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Queen of Cups:

Your inner child feels very loyal to you. They love you very much and cannot believe how far you have come in your life. They are putting you on a pedestal due to the fact that you have surmounted everything they could have ever imagined becoming. They idolize you.

The High Priestess:

As this is the card of secrets, it seems like they are also reluctant to discuss how they are feeling at the moment. Maybe it is hard for them to trust others so they aren’t willing to share with me how they’re feeling currently. From the energy, I sense that they feel alone and that they cannot trust anyone else but themselves.

What did you lack as a child?

The Hierophant:

You had a very hectic childhood. Your family never had any traditions. Not only were there no traditions, but there was a lack of balance as well. Constantly walking on eggshells around the people in your life, you never knew what to expect. Not wanting to rock the boat for fear of uproar.

Three of Swords:

As a result of your hectic childhood, you received heartbreak after heartbreak. This makes sense with the energy I am receiving from your inner child. Your inner child is very untrustworthy because you lacked the stability in your childhood to feel like you could truly trust others.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

Ten of Wands:

As a kid, the people in your life relied on you a lot to provide for them and to keep them in check. You were blamed for many things, and you had to enforce balance in a place where it did not exist. You were the parent to your siblings and you were the parent to yourself. Which has left your inner child scarred and scared to trust others.

Justice:

As a child, you experienced a lack of justice. You were blamed for so many of the bad things that happened because you were expected to be the emotional punching bag for so long and when you didn't live up to your role you were punished.

How does that thing affect your life now?

Three of Pentacles:

This scarring affected your education. Your family may have pressured you to stay home and take care of them, so you did not pursue higher education. Alternatively, you may not believe you are intellectually capable of pursuing higher education. Whatever the case may be, your education has been greatly affected by the scarring your inner child experienced.

What is something you can do to heal your inner child?

Three of Wands:

The way for you to heal your inner child is by teaming up with someone. Asking for help. You have been conditioned all your life to be a strong individual, who never asks for help even when they need it. Now is the time to change that. Your guides want you to reach out to someone and ask for help when you need it. You do not need to tough it out alone.

Voyage:

Voyage tells you that you have all the answers within yourself, and you know it. You have been trying to avoid rocking the boat for some time now even though you knew that asking for help was the right option. You know, and maybe always have known, that you need help to get through this. Your inner child urges you to listen to yourself over trying to be what everyone else is telling you to be.

How can you support your inner child?

Two of Pentacles:

Your whole childhood lacked balance which left your inner child wounded. Here, your guides are telling you that the way for you to support your inner child is by finding balance in your life.

Escapist:

For a long time now, you have avoided what needs to be done in your life, avoiding this lack of balance. The way to support your inner child is to come home to yourself. Stop running away from yourself and what you need to do. Find that balance so you can begin to heal.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

Seven of Pentacles:

The Seven of Pentacles is all about plans paying off and having it come out here shows me that your inner child is telling you to maintain hope because soon your plans will pay off. If you do not have plans for the future, this is your inner child's way of telling you that you may need to plan more for your future because your hard work will pay off.

Additional Messages:

A channeled message I received from your inner child is, "You possess limitless abundance, you just need to believe it."

Pile Three (Amazonite):

How do you see yourself?

Nine of Wands:

You have faced an extreme amount of seemingly insurmountable challenges in your life and have come out on top almost every time. This has caused you to believe that you have unlimited potential to achieve all of your dreams. You see yourself as someone who will preserve until they reach their end goal.

The Demon Mother:

The Demon Mother is a vessel of mysterious power. She has a strong ability to manifest whatever it is she desires. She, however, commands attention, and others can’t help but be in awe of her. This is how you see yourself.

How does your inner child see you?

Ace of Wands:

Your inner child sees you as someone who is constantly pushing forward towards the things they want. They think that you are very successful when it comes to getting the things you want. Overall it seems to me that you and your inner child view you in the same way, as a very hardworking fiery individual. You could even be a fire sign, Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius.

The Psychic:

It is the psychic's strong intuition that allows them to see the future. They are able to predict what will happen in the future. Your inner child sees you as someone who has great abilities when it comes to your intuition. Whether you have practiced it or not doesn’t matter in their eyes, because to them you are very very magical.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Two of Pentacles:

They feel as though they are out of balance. This is interesting to me because they view you ultimately the same way as you view yourself. However, based on the energy I am getting from both you and them I think that you may be unaware of how strong your intuition really is. This is where they feel that imbalance, in you being unaware of how much power you hold. They know you can do so much with your powers if you were just aware of them.

What did you lack as a child?

Knight of Swords:

It seems to me that you had a masculine energy in your childhood who was very aggressive and caused you a great deal of drama and conflict growing up. This person loved to fight and that’s all they did when you were a kid, whether it was with you or other people. You were a witness to a lot of aggression.

Two of Swords:

Because of that person and their aggression, your childhood lacked a lot of balance. It was always a crossroads when it came to them, whether you should avoid them or face them. You were constantly juggling the drama and conflict that they put you through that your childhood lacked peace and balance.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

Judgment:

You lacked the ability to make decisions for yourself as a child and this really left your inner child scarred. This aggressive person had strong control over almost everything in your life at a young age and you were never really given the chance to be in charge of your own life.

Strength:

When you were a kid you feared standing up for yourself against this person who had so much control over you. This fear made you believe that you were not strong enough to stand up for yourself, which left your inner child scarred as well.

How does that thing affect your life now?

The Hermit:

You now live your life in a constant hermit mode. Avoiding others at all costs because you fear ending up in a relationship like the one you had with that person. You are lonely as a result. You may have a few friends but you keep them at arm’s length, not allowing them to truly get to know you. You believe that you are the only one who will ever truly know you and love you.

What is something you can do to heal your inner child?

Four of Pentacles:

The card of possessiveness indicates holding on to what you have with all your might. According to your guides, the only way you can heal your inner child is by keeping your things to yourself. Because you didn't have much control over your life and what you had when you were growing up, you aren't so possessive now. Since you never had anything to yourself as a kid, you allow others to take it from you at will. You may also just give your things to others because you aren't used to having them yourself. Your guides want you to stop that behavior and start holding onto the things you have.

Garden:

This card tells you that now is the time to focus on yourself, even if you feel that it is selfish. Put yourself first because you can now. Even though you were conditioned to believe that you are not in control of yourself, you are. Now is the time to truly listen to yourself and what you want, then go after it. If you do that, something good will arise, and that good thing will be the healing of your inner child.

How can you support your inner child?

Queen of Pentacles:

Treat yourself. Give yourself everything you have ever wanted, within reason. According to your guides, this is the way you can help your inner child. Bring luxury into your life, spend money on yourself, give yourself a spa day or two. Give yourself what you lacked as a child. Control over your needs and desires being fulfilled.

Lighthouse:

This is the card of not doubting your worth. Your childhood made you think that you were not capable of really anything, and that has really affected your inner child a great deal. The way for you to support your inner child is by believing in yourself, knowing that you truly are worthy of just about anything that you put your mind to.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

The Lovers:

Out of all of the piles here, the love that comes from your inner child is indescribable. Your inner child loves you so very much. It is hard for me to even find the words to describe the amount of love that is coming from them. They are extremely proud of you and everything that you have become. That is really all they want you to know, just how much they love you.

Additional Message:

Before closing out this pile this is what I heard from your inner child, “Thank you for everything. I love you, it’s always been you that was there no matter what.”

Pile Four (Rose Quartz):

How do you see yourself?

Page of Wands:

As a thrill-seeker, you consider yourself someone who enjoys adventures. In your eyes, you are passionate and free-thinking. You enjoy traveling, especially to exotic locations, and you enjoy socializing with other people. Aside from that, you have a very young heart, which makes you extremely optimistic and joyful. According to you, you are a very forgiving person who is willing to overlook red flags, which makes you an excellent friend.

The She-Wolf:

You see yourself as a person who is not only fierce but also has a great inner strength. In your eyes, you are a survivor, having been through so much and surviving it all. Additionally, you are very protective of the people in your life, willing to do whatever it takes to protect them.

How does your inner child see you?

The Magician:

Your inner child sees you as a very quick person. In their eyes, you have great mental agility. You are considered very magical, you have a strong intuition and are an amazing manifestor. You are seen by your inner child as someone who is very eloquent and highly intelligent.

The Magical Girl:

This is interesting to me because the Magician in Tarot is a very magical card, representing having an innate ability to manifest whatever it is you want. The Magician is very magical and in this Oracle deck, the Magical Girl is essentially the Magician. Your inner child defines you as someone with great abilities and someone who has grown so much over the course of their life.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Knight of Swords:

Right now, your inner child is very aggressive. Almost angry, they are restless and destructive. They are irritated and ready to fight. You have been ignoring your inner child for quite some time now, which has really pissed them off. There is strong firey energy here. In astrology, it seems to be more water or air energy rather than fire signs. You might be a Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, Scorpio, Cancer, or Pisces. It feels like strong Scorpio energy.

What did you lack as a child?

Ten of Wands:

There were a lot of burdens placed on you as a child. It feels to me that you lacked a childhood as a kid. You were expected to be strong and mature and not act your age. You were the one who mainly held your family up which is a lot of pressure to put on a child resulting in a lack of innocence and play.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

King of Wands:

The King of Wands is a masculine energy consumed with their desires. Pure passion drives them to focus on their career and hobbies. Growing up, you had someone like this in your life. Instead of focusing on you, they focused on their career, making it so you were the one in charge because they were never around.

How does that thing affect your life now?

Death:

Death is the card of transformation, of shedding the old and embracing the new, becoming a new person. You have not been able to let go of your past, holding on to the old which is holding you back from your transformation. You can’t truly grow if you are not willing to let go of some things along the way. Your guides are saying that yes, you had a rough childhood but you have grown up. Now is the time to treat yourself the way you deserved as a kid, instead of maintaining that negative treatment.

What is something that you can do to heal your inner child?

Five of Swords:

You've been struggling for some time now, trying to regain control of your life. Yet, as we have established, the way in which you were battling for control is detrimental to you. According to you, now is the time to act your age and be mature because that is what is best for you. But you are treating yourself the same way that person treated you when you were a kid. By letting go of the idea that you are doing what is right for you, you will be able to heal your inner child. Instead of ignoring your inner child, embrace them.

Thorns:

A good support system is just as important as self-care. The idea that you only need yourself may have led you to go at life alone. Your guides are saying that you can heal your inner child by giving yourself a childhood. Hang out with your friends. Act like a child and have fun since that is what is needed here.

How can you support your inner child?

Ace of Pentacles:

The Ace of Pentacles is all about building a foundation. So, the way for you to support your inner child is by building a solid foundation for you to freely be able to act like a child in your life. You may not feel comfortable doing this in your life right now, but the key to this is building a solid foundation for you to do this. Surround yourself with people that allow you to do this, make your home a safe place, fill it with things that make you comfortable. The key to success here is your own comfort levels.

Confidence:

You also may be lacking the confidence to truly give yourself a break from the hustle and bustle of life and show your inner child. Your guides are saying that you need to build your confidence so you can support your inner child. The key to feeling confident is feeling comfortable. Make sure you are comfortable with the people you surround yourself with and with the things you surround yourself with.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

The Devil:

The Devil is all things passionate and all things taboo. Your inner child tells me that you avoid all these things because they scare you because your childhood lacked fun. You need to embrace some of the things that scare you. Take baby steps towards having fun. Do things you were never allowed to do as a child.

Additional Messages:

While channeling for this pile, I heard "Have fun...let loose...try new things...be brave, little one." I heard the phrase, "Chicken little," but I have no idea what it means. I'm hoping someone can understand what it means.

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you!

Venmo: @ aphrostarot Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

I don't think we will ever get to see a verbal love confessions from either mo or tian. Mo is a tsundere so he will never confess, but i feel like tian will show his love for mo with actions, i have a feeling that in the future they will have a only physical relationship because they wouldn't confess their feelings and then it will develop into a proper relationship with time. What do you think?

Good evening, dear anon-san!

“I don’t think we will ever get to see a verbal love confessions from either mo or tian.”

It kind of depends on what you mean by “verbal confession” but in short, I would doubt too that we will ever get one. And to be honest, I don’t have a major problem with it. In fact, I’d find it quite out of character, especially in Mo Guan Shan’s case. I know readers find confessions in fiction satisfying because they’re so often the climax of a story but I’ve actually come to find more satisfaction and reward in the gradual progress demonstrated by little details. So much so that the subtlety has even become my most favorite aspect of Tianshan. I love how their feelings are more or less between the lines and expressed through their actions. Also as a writer, that’s totally my jam and aesthetics.

Still, all that being said, I can’t deny I sometimes wish we would get…more. But I try to remind myself that getting enough and getting too much is a fine line to tread. As a fic author, while tossing in my lovey-dovey withdrawls I’ve sometimes crossed that line with Tianshan and it’s just felt so wrong.

“Mo is a tsundere so he will never confess”

As I already mentioned, I doubt we will get to see a verbal confession by MGS which is mostly due to his 110% pure tsundere nature. I don’t know if it’s because I’m such a tsundere myself in real life but I find that kind of endearing and can relate to it. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’m incapable of verbalizing my feelings at all but my stronger suit would definitely be demonstrating them via little things and actions. Then again, one of my greatest fears in relationships is that my S/O doesn’t feel loved and cared for enough that way. People can’t read thoughts after all and often crave for verbal confirmation and reassurance.

But even if there probably won’t be a grand confession, it doesn’t mean MGS can’t have feelings for HT. At this point in the story, I do think it’s still way too early to say he’s in love with HT but there have definitely been developments of MGS warming up to him and being increasingly conscious of him (ch. 233, 243, 254, 273, and 283):

It’s crumbs, it’s subtle, and it’s slow, but more importantly it’s true to MGS’s character and accumulating. MGS can be frustratingly reluctant but on the other hand, he puts a lot of thought into it when he feels ready to progress. We tsunderes might not excel at verbalizing our feelings but they run deep and true nevertheless. Whatever HT is building with MGS is developing slowly but eventually, their romantic relationship will stand on a solid foundation. MGS won’t forget him even when he shows up every once in a while. 

“but i feel like tian will show his love for mo with actions“

I’m glad you mentioned HT as well because I’ve actually been wondering about this side of his character lately. He’s very action-oriented and forward but could he actually confess his feelings out loud in a serious way? By “serious” I mean without the devil horns or the mischevious smirk or being too pushy and physical?

Because oftentimes I feel like his feelings are right there but they’re hidden under the possibility that his words could be taken as a joke or him trying to rile up MGS. Case in point (ch. 305):

I’ve mentioned that moment briefly in one of my earlier answers and said that I think HT was being serious in his own way. It’s clear to us by now that he’s afraid of losing MGS but at the same time, isn’t really open or clear about it. Instead, he tends to act out before admitting what’s bugging him. Even with the earrings, he hides his plea of sorts behind a somewhat playful question. And I think HT might even occasionally sneak those little moments in on purpose because he knows he can “get away with them” since MGS is so quick to rise to the bait and miss HT being honest and open.

In a way, I think HT is well aware of what a vulnerable feeling love is and goes over the top with his advances in a possessive and overbearing way or makes them into a provocative joke that riles MGS up. That kind of love can be quite one-sided and unbalanced. By “one-sided�� and “unbalanced” I mean that MGS is the only one having to bare himself and allow himself to be put in a vulnerable position. HT cares for MGS and doesn’t want to lose him but at the same time, that kind of protector-protected dynamics creates a distance and isn’t sustainable in a long run.

Now, before you go back to what I said earlier about Tianshan being built on a strong foundation, allow me to add that HT has also gone through some great character development. He still views himself very much as the savior, but there have been more and more occasions when he’s shown his vulnerable and insecure sides (ch. 255, 260, 291, and 297):

That last panel especially was a big step. By listing things he admires in MGS he effectively revealed what he hates about himself and is insecure about. And to top it all off, he put himself in a vulnerable position by going as far as asking MGS to not reject and abandon him even if he’s not worthy of someone like MGS.

There’s one panel that I’ve always been wondering when it comes to HT showing his love and affection without the devil horns or even being too pushy (ch. 284):

True, he’s not exactly asking for MGS’s consent but that touch still seems vastly different than his usual moves. He’s not joking around, pushing MGS down by force, or doing it to get a reaction out of MGS. I think the panel might even reflect what HT’s vulnerable kind of love could be like. It’s forward but not overbearing, there’s a possessive scrape of teeth in there but it doesn’t hurt and the touch is as soft as MGS’s nape. Interestingly, though, it also seems like HT is yet again hiding his face from MGS.

I think HT is currently finding it easier to give than to receive love and hesitant to ask for it. But once he figures those things out, I don’t see why he couldn’t very well confess his feeling out loud.

“i have a feeling that in the future they will have a only physical relationship because they wouldn’t confess their feelings and then it will develop into a proper relationship with time”

Interesting. I see it working in a completely opposite way. Perhaps it’s because there seems to be a difference in how much significance we put on the confession. I don’t really consider it as important that there should be a verbal confession. Nor do I think it’s only then that they can start being in a relationship and move on to things like sex.

More importantly, though, I find it very unlikely that MGS would start a physical relationship with someone without first gaining serious feelings for them. Of course, the relationship could (and probably would) continue to deepen with a physical aspect added into the mix, but I feel like he’d definitely have to be sure of his and the other party’s feelings before getting physical.

I see HT more capable of having casual relationships if MGS wasn’t a part of his life but I doubt he’d want something like that with MGS. Jumping to things like sex before their relationship is solid enough would defeat the character development he’s gone through as he fell in love with MGS and won him over. He would have not only gained MGS’s trust but also become confident in himself and comfortable enough to let MGS so close. He could joke about sex but would also want to make sure it’s what MGS wants and that he’s aware of what having sex with him will mean and the weight it will carry in their relationship. I see him viewing sex as a seal of sorts.

But then again, this kind of fictional relationship dynamics appeals to me so my bias could be too strong.

In any case, it’s still fun to imagine what a Tianshan confession would be like. Personally, I would love to see the same kind of confident MGS as we saw when he asked HT for the studs. And who knows, maybe OX will give us one someday, with a Tianshan twist. After all, there were times when we thought we would never get even this far!

Thank you for your interesting and challenging question, dear anon-san!

[q--uee--n]

Presenting Part 2 of my Post-Zero Requiem headcanons/notes! I’m so happy the others were well-received, and I hope these will be, too. Enjoy:) 

Nunnally 

• never for a second contemplates hating Suzaku for his role in her brother’s death. Though she was admittedly bitter, those feelings are later targeted toward Lelouch for leaving her behind in a “perfect world”. So long as he isn’t around, the world will never be perfect in her eyes. 

 • is one of the youngest ever rulers of Britannia. This, coinciding with the fact that she actively used  F.L.E.I.J.A. in the past, leads to questions about her competence and fidelity. However, she proves herself an effervescent, warm-hearted empress who is determined to make up for the many, many faults of her predecessors. She starts by improving Britannia’s egregious foreign policy and establishing a stable Parliament. It’s hard work, but that’s how she prefers it since it’s also her own way of repenting for her past sins.  

• never regains her ability to use her legs, and she hates being patronized due to her crippled state. War and politics have hardened her some, so she rarely hides her feelings to make people comfortable when she isn’t and doesn’t hesitate to tell others when they’re acting condescending. In the earlier stages of her reign, she frequently has to remind Suzaku that she isn’t a glass doll or a helpless little girl.   

• her official residence is in Japan. She remained there during Pendragon’s reconstruction, and though she knows she’ll more than likely have to move back to Britannia someday, she can’t help but consider Japan her true home. It was where she and her brother lived and made their first friends, and despite the circumstances, some of her happiest childhood memories are there. 

 • becomes close friends with Kaguya due to their being so young and so involved in the affairs of the world. They meet for lunch whenever they can find the time and host pajama parties where they gossip about their older contemporaries and how nonsensical they behave. The Tianzi joins them once she gets a little older, and she has dirt on everyone. Seriously, the girl has ears everywhere. Do. Not. Mess. With. Her. She will destroy you with what she knows alone.  

• bequeaths hefty amounts of money to humanitarian organizations each month, despite being advised to donate less, and was key in helping Kallen and her mother's charity get off the ground. 

 • develops a guilt complex. It's why she overcompensates to the point that she does, even though she's accepted that no matter how hard she works, nothing she'll do will make up for the lives she's ruined. 

 • goes to therapy sooner or later to sort out her issues, but it's at Kaguya's behest because "my cousin doesn't even vilify himself the way you vilify yourself—and pardon me because he absolutely does. But my point still stands." She's reluctant to share her feelings at first, but once she does, she doesn't stop. She reaches a point where she stops blaming everything wrong with the world on herself, which is a huge step-up from where she started. 

 • takes an interest in fashion. It starts off as a means of distraction from her less pleasant thoughts, but she quickly embraces it. She vigorously designs and sews in her free time, and it isn't unusual for servants to find sketches of gorgeous ensembles in the most random places in the palace. She's also quite efficient at styling, Suzaku being her favorite model due to her finding his fit physique the most fun to work with. 

 • visits her brother's grave once a year, on his birthday. Suzaku and Arthur are her lone companions. It starts off as a morbid affair, but as Zero Requiem grows into the distance, it gets significantly more lighthearted as she allows herself to let go. Her favorite thing to do is "show" Lelouch her designs, as well as update him on the progress the world has made in wake of his sacrifice. 

• never quite accepts Lelouch's death as much as she just moves on because she knows he wouldn't want her to spend the rest of her life mourning him. Still, anniversaries of his death are hard for her to get through since she has to pretend she hates him as much as the rest of the world does. Kaguya's kind enough to let her cry into her lap when it all gets to be too overwhelming. 

 • the first person she falls in love with is a commoner and is unattainable for multifarious reasons. The second person she falls for is more accessible but oh-so oblivious.  

 • her moniker is the "Champion of Peace". 

Kaguya 

• mellows out considerably and loses a lot of her fangirl tendencies. Her straightforward attitude, though, is still intact, and you either like her or you don't—at least that's the case for her fellow politicians. Her charisma and natural appeal guarantee that's she's well-received by the public. 

• figured out Lelouch's motives the second he was killed and is irritated that the world hasn't and likely never will. As a result, she holds the few memories she has of him as a child close to her heart. 

• difficult to work with, but that's only because her adult peers should know better than to underestimate a teenager who runs three-fifths of the planet, and Kaguya never backs down when challenged. The most irking thing is said to be that she does it all with a smile.

• though she's grateful she and Suzaku are on speaking terms again, she is every so often overwhelmed by his affection and attention. She wonders if that was how Zero felt in regards to her. 

• finds every opportunity she can to make Nunnally smile. She can sense the sadness permeating her being and thus makes it her life's goal (one of them, anyway. Never let it be said that the girl isn't ambitious) to maintain her friend's happiness. 

• is a contributing (anonymous) writer for Zero Weekly, because duh. Her articles are popular due to their being quality garbage, and she once wrote a think piece alleging that Zero was the second coming of Christ that generated so much controversy, it was denounced by multiple religious sects. The situation got so out of hand, Nunnally herself had to come out and declare that there were more important matters to discuss than whether or not Zero should be worshipped as a deity. Kaguya regrets nothing. 

• is eventually introduced to Milly, and they hit it off immediately, something made possible due to their peculiar senses of humor and mutual love of gossip investigative journalism. Kallen tries in vain to keep them apart, but they prove too incorrigible to manage. 

• forms an unexpectedly close bond with C.C. Often times she doesn't even understand it, but there's plenty of wisdom to go around, which is why they work so well. She discovers C.C.'s name by accident but doesn't disclose it out of respect, no matter what Kallen does to try to get her talk. 

• remains petite even into her adulthood. Unlike Nunnally, who doesn't grow much in terms of height but does fill out some, she is forever tiny and diminutive. She isn't overly happy about it. 

• fully anticipates Suzaku's reaction the first time she tells him, " I love you". Hence why she ensures they're in private when she says it. 

Milly 

• quits anchoring and becomes a full-fledged journalist. She loves the thrill of research and investigation, especially when it comes to digging up information that shouldn't be accessible under any circumstance. 

• discovers Zero's identity after launching a months-long investigation into Zero in general and the events leading up to Zero Requiem. She's not surprised so much as she is relieved, because she could never quite bring herself to hate Suzaku or Lelouch as she should have, and once she learns the full truth, most of it, that is, she's ecstatic. Confused ("I get making up for his sins and all, but couldn't he have become the Emperor of Justice or something elegant like that instead of, say, using a contrived dictatorship as a means to force the world to unite? I mean, there were other ways to accomplish that") but ecstatic nonetheless. 

• chooses to make Japan her permanent home, defying the wishes of her parents, who wanted her to move back to the homeland with them. She learns fluent Japanese and extensively covers the decolonization of Japan and other states formerly under Britannian occupation. 

• is the proud(ly anonymous) founder of the infamously hedonistic Zero Weekly. It starts as a jocular thing she uses to entertain herself, but when the subscribers come pouring in...Well, she still uses it to entertain herself, but it's a very beneficial source of entertainment. 

• one of, if not the most controversial name in journalism. Her work has sparked outrage from just about everyone, and her most debated project was one that revealed a good chunk of the stories circulated to emphasize Lelouch's wickedness to be false. However, the one thing that people can agree on is that she never excuses his wrongs so much as she puts them into perspective.  

• after revitalizing their friendship, if you can call it that, her favorite pastime is teasing Suzaku. It astonishes her that despite everything that's happened, he can still be so easily flustered if she pushes the right buttons (such as when she brings up Kallen being his supposed "paramour"). Seeing glimpses of the Suzaku she knew reminds her of the short but pleasant time they spent together at Ashford Academy. 

• met C.C., once upon a time. They sat beside each other on a crowded bus, and Milly couldn't shake the familiarity radiating off of the other woman in waves. The incident bothers, even after she's officially introduced to C.C. through Suzaku, because she knows this girl. She just doesn't know how or where from. 

• begins a matchmaking business as a side job—aka what she does whenever she's suspended from the real thing, which is often (some people have no sense of humor). She initially does it because she's bored and nosy and needs an outlet, but she quickly discovers she likes meddling in others' love lives. Unfortunately, no one else seems to be as appreciative of her newfound hobby, but hey, at least Rakshata and Cecile seem happy. 

[theyearthirtytwo]

Day 5.

Making any positive change in your life requires so much effort.

Getting a new job? Effort. Starting that new job? Effort. Going to the gym? Effort. Eating healthier? Effort. Getting better sleep? Effort. Getting a degree? Effort. Moving houses? Effort. Starting a new relationship? Effort. Chasing your dreams? Effort.

You get the idea. Basically anything worthwhile takes a heck of a lot of effort.

For the longest time I just didn't know that? I had this idea that if I had to try very hard at something, then it just wasn't aligned. Now I see this as perfectionism-meets-fear-meets-lazy-in-disguise, but for most of my life I truly believed that if anything took too much effort on my end, then it just wasn't meant for me.

I don't really know where I got this idea. Maybe it stemmed from being naturally pretty adept at a lot of things. Maybe I saw my parents not taking risks and confused that with lack of effort. I'm not really sure, and I'm not really sure that it matters. Somehow this idea planted itself in my younger self and took root, deep roots.

Untangling myself from it has been difficult. It has, ironically, required a significant amount of effort. For the first time in possibly my entire life, learning this new way of being has required me to tell myself "no" often. I am learning that if I want X, then I need to consistently practice Y and I need to avoid Z. Historically, I haven't been great at either.

There is something about the instant gratification of doing exactly what you want to do, when you want to do it that I am very drawn to. I'm sure most of us are. Unfortunately, actually accomplishing anything of note (a college degree, physical health or beauty, writing a book, fiscal responsibility) often requires abandoning one's current desires for the idea of future reward. Again, historically, I suck at this. I was also appalled to learn it. Quite frankly, as someone who's mantra through her twenties was "what is meant for me is already mine," this information felt like a personal attack.

People sometimes refer to their partner as their "better half" or alledge to their partner somehow making them "a better version of themself." As reluctant and resentful as I can be about this, it's true for me too. Without question, I am a better version of myself for having loved this man. That came with an incredible amount of effort.

We both actively work at our relationship all the time. Because of both the time and the effort we've put in (and the fact that we've been together through long-distance, out-of-state-moves, a pandemic, depression (mine), job changes (also mine), a difficult family dynamic (his) and so much more), I feel extremely confident in our ability to work through hardships and find our way back to each other. That also takes an enormous amount of effort, though effort (I believe) we do mostly happily? Certainly willingly.

*lightbulb moment*

My father always says "relationships shouldn't be that hard" and while I think he mostly means your life will be much easier with a person you generally get along with, I think he missed the mark here.

I would tell my children "anything worth having takes a ton of effort, but it doesn't have to be painful, and you don't have to abandon yourself in the process."

You don't have to abandon yourself in the process.

You don't have to work for shitty bosses at shitty (underpaid) jobs. You don't have to take disrespect. You don't have to do things that hurt you. You don't have to abandon yourself to please anyone else.

But not everything will flow. You have to learn some hard lessons. You have to clean up your side of the street. You have to put real effort into the things that matter. You have to show up and allow yourself to be changed and challenged.

Showing up is a form of love.

[thesagedahlia]

😈Future & his 'future'😈

This will be a long one, so I will try to keep my intro short (but I ramble, so whatever). How do I feel about Future? As a Scorpio man with a Sag dominance, he gives me hoe energy. Already. No offense if that's your make-up. He is also a mutable dominant, & if you know anything about mutable energy, it's flighty, it's everchanging, it 'gets bored quickly'. All that Sag energy, with a Gemini moon (it's polar opposite sign) can make a very conflicting & contradicting nature. If you don't know anything about me.. know I don't like fuck nigga/bitch energy. How do I feel about Eliza Reign? I'm no idiot. I know an 'exchange' when I see one. But darling, I wish you would have known better than to allow this into your life, because it is NOT what your daughter needs. With that said, we need to be more responsible with out eggs & seeds, be if we can't love the person we lay down & have kids with (or just LAY DOWN with, & HOP UP with kids), then those kids won't know the proper way to love with a proper raising (& no, you don't need the father to properly love your kids, but you gotta love twice as hard in that case, & if you can't get with something like that, then I feel sorry because that kind of dedication was never given, nor recieved. But neither here nor there, not my business nor place to judge, another convo for another day. Now how do I feel about Future & Lori Harvey...run, sis. He won't change, & all you'll be is another BM. Get out while you still can.

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

😈What was the relationship between Future & Eliza Reign?😈

They actually have been dealing with one another for some time, before Eliza got pregnant. Future is the type to play mind games, & he manipulated the situation, however in a way where he would never claim that he was dealing with her. She was actually paid a pretty penny to keep things civil with her, or even 'for her services'. Ultimately Future never made things clear for her, but he was a charmer. I do believe, however, they were dealing with one another up until she announced her pregnancy, also meaning he cut her off afterwards. He was 'the magician' the situation, a trickster, but I feel like the victory was lost for him when he found out about the pregnancy. I feel he is already in a financial workhorse situation, because he has other children with other women, even though he takes his sweet time getting back to them as well. I also feel like he is aware of the fact that he is ducking this woman, but this could be because he believes everything to be a rumor. Eliza has come to a place of acceptance of not being as close to Future as she had hoped, & she is suffering with the heartache in silence. Knowing what she knew when it came to Future, even in the very beginning however, she still decided to entertain him, even though she knew it was nothing serious or that it will end the way that it ultimately did. Why? Financial opportunities. It has become an emotional challenge for her, but I feel she was ultimately cut out by way of an ultimatum; basically being cool with the terms & dealing with Future or being alone. I also feel like she has had to deal with other women that has dealt with Future, or his baby mamas. This other woman seems to be loyal to their situation, & she seems to be reactive off of her emotions, though this seems to be leaving obstacles & challenges on Future, having to deal with much conflict, major sacrifice, & past resentment. For Eliza, this was an emotional challenge for her & much drama. The choice she made was to come out of isolation after finding out she was pregnant, but Future as completely removed himself from the situation by this time. Eliza may have felt as though she couldn't come forward because of the hate train that would soon follow, but I feel she was guided to do so. I feel like regardless of the feedback she would get, she was still confident that she would be able to have a case & still had plans to move forward.

😈What were Eliza Reign's intentions with Future?😈

I feel like Eliza was very intuitive when it came to dealing with Future. She was well aware of the treatment; which seemed to be generosity in turn for pleasure. I don't think she predicted her own outcome for all of this, but to her, she was strictly around because she wanted to be. However it ended, she was going to fight against the backlash & stand up for herself. She would also accept all that is regarding the situation, in whatever way that would have been. I feel like she intended to gain clout from dealing with Future, though she also wanted material gain with him, but dealing with him is an unconventional way of life & I think he was already searching, as he possesses heartbreaker tendencies. He was fully involved with someone else (either he jump off or a BM) which caused Eliza to be casted off to the side. I feel like she knew she would become an outcast based off the fact that she doesn't need embarrassments or unwanted ties to certain women, but she's aware he always had other hoes. That didn't stop her however, because she was willing to be invested by him; she kind of had more of an emotional approach to their involvement, which became a disadvantage. Future was negative energy, but she was still a willing participant up until they became estranged from one another. I think that now, her intentions are to get support of her child because she is sure of her contact with Future, thus came about the lawsuit.

😈Future's feeling toward Eliza + the lawsuit?😈

Future doesn't believe Eliza has genuine intentions. He feel she is scorn after he stopped dealing with her. He also believes she tried to trap him, & is only after him for money/material gain. He really wants to be released from this situation/lawsuit because it is going to be a nightmare dealing with another child support check/BM. He has been doing all he can to skip out on the responsibility. He's seeing that being involved with Eliza was a bad choice on his part, & he would rather not have dealt with her at all. He is really fighting on not to have to pay her, & it may be a little on the side of not being sure about if her daughter is his. He didn't even want to have to deal with any of this in the public eye. His feelings are very clear cut; he doesn't want to have to pay her a dime. He also doesn't trust her & feel she's trying to manipulate the situation into her favor. He feels it is all speculation at this point. I do feel, however, if he was sure about the child's paternity, he wouldn't have a choice; he is fiercely fighting that possibility as much as possible. I feel like he would step up, in reluctance, to help support the child, but not any soon before he is sure that she is his child. He doesn't have any love for Eliza, in fact he thinks she's a manipulator, but he would come around to filling his responsibility. I feel he will be willing to claim the child once it is proven that he is, & when he becomes more comfortable with the idea of dealing with Eliza. It would be especially hard for him to coparent in that regard as well.

😈Does Future believe the baby girl is his?😈

He's aware of her 'type of woman' & he does believe she could be trying to stick the baby on him. If she is his, he would suck it up & handle his responsibility, but I don't think he truly believes he's the father, in fact he truly believes he isn't. I feel like he has trouble opening up to the idea of being the dad. He will be loyal to the child if it comes out that he is, but he honestly doesn't know; like I said before, he was hoping that this was all going to go away. He is aware that he is going to have to take this one to the chin, but it will make him uncomfortable. This will be conflicting to him, but he will be forced to step up to the plate whether he likes it or not.

😈Is there a possibility that Eliza's daughter is NOT Future's?😈

Not trying to be messy....but yes; this is giving me the energy that there is confusion around the paternity of the baby. Things honestly look deeper than what they appear on the surface, in fact, per her lifestyle, she has come in contact with more than just Future around the time of conception. Eliza seems to be a little cunning in this situation, because just as Future is unsure, she isn't sure either. Her strategy was to allow the information (or knowledge) of pregnancy to be enough to draw Future back to pay his dues. Truth be told, she was aware of the situation she was in, prior to claiming Future to be the father. Eliza is aware that this was something she created & she is focused on taking care of her daughter in spite of the paternity figure (whoever it may be). Being unsure has caused her distress and stress as well.

😈Outcome of the Lawsuit?😈

I feel like more secrets or incriminating information will continue to come up in this case, & a lot of it feels like revelation; things coming to the light. Future also knows he's in hot shit if he doesn't heed the warnings of the judge. I feel like Future is going to have difficulties in fulfilling his responsibilities, & it is going to financially drain him. I feel these are worries if he is the father. He is very much nervous about being dominated by these challenges of this case, but he will get to a point where he would put forth the effort that he has lacked in the past. If it comes back that he is the father, he will step up to the plate, but he is reluctant to do so. There is a lot of uncertainty surrounding the paternity of the baby too. Until that gets cleared up, there will never be a clear resolution in court. Future is 50/50 in regards to the child, but he would be more so loyal to the child than to Eliza, in fact he feels dealing with her would be a nightmare. His mindset is he isn't putting forth anything that he shouldn't be, which has got him into a lot of trouble. I feel like Future has been keeping tabs/a close eye on Eliza by way of people she knows. He is forced to bring forth balance, even though it has been conflicting to fulfill. I feel Future didn't want to open up to this, but I feel he will be putting forth minimal effort, but I'm not sure if he will respond to the judge in time. I feel a fire is lit under him in order to produce something of substance to the courts, but he is well aware that aside from all he puts forth, this case can still be in favor, or to his detriment. I feel like this would create complications to his relationships with his other women (besides Lori), but I feel they both don't trust one another, & would rather not deal with 1 another, & Eliza only wants him to take care of his possible responsibility. Future's time to respond is ticking, he may either make it in time or he will be able to convince the court for more time to produce DNA test. DEVELOPMENTS PENDING.

😈What is the energy between Lory Harvey & Future?😈

I feel like we are being deceived a bit when it comes to some things. Case in point, I don't think Future & Lori seemed to be going through an off and on energy. I feel like there is a hope here that the connection will work, but it has already been somewhat of a burden trying to keep it together. I feel like as much as they enjoy being in each other's company, it is starting to become much of a nuisance. I feel like they already took some distance or some sort of a break from one another, & it is a situation that seemed to occur in the past that was full of drama and conflict. I feel like they also have problems regarding finances, where they could have been blowing a lot of money together. I feel like a lot of their conflict is in regards to the reason they supposedly got married, & it may have been a pregnancy scare. I feel that there is a possibility that Lori could conceive with Future, but it may have happened before the 'marriage' announcement/rumor. I feel like the reason they separated is because of the possibility of this as well; I don't think Future was initially pleased. It really feels like they aren't in as much contact then when they first began 'dating'. However, I feel like Future may be keeping to himself for now. I feel like this possibility is a desire of a Lori's, & Future may be feeling the pressure behind it. I feel like Future could feel a way toward Lori, but I feel he has ulterior motives when it comes to the relationship. With that said, I don't think he would be open to having another child/BM. I also feel he is worried of this information getting to any of his other BMs, as well as the rest of the world, for the time being. I feel like Lori is wanting a family, Future is seeing this as in obstacle. There is much hope in Lori's mind, while this is kind of stressful for Future, but their true information of this is uncertain. I feel like Lori was also hopeful that Future was going to be open to the idea, which may start to be revealed to her as the opposite. I feel a lot of suspicion coming from Future as well, & he is contemplating his investment of marriage with Lori, & I feel he will come to resent it in the long run. I feel like other women is coming up as conflict for him as well. I feel his suspicion regarding her being pregnant is causing him to be defensive & have a guard up. Future doesn't feel the passion in this opportunity because of the conflict that it has created. He feels himself wanting to be isolated, & wanting to move away from the situation from her. I feel once he gets bored or dissatisfied, he will want to find happiness elsewhere. I think Lori is going to start seeing flaws in their relationship, if she hasn't already seen it. I feel under the surface, they aren't necessarily stable enough to allow for that level of commitment for so long. Future may have made a lot of promises that I don't feel he will be able to fulfill. I feel like a lot of their ways of getting noticed is a strategy. I also feel like their efforts to keep the relationship balance don't seem to hold off the disharmony for too long. I think it is also a strategy for the deeper workings of their relationship to not get out into the world.

😈Are Lori Harvey & Future married?😈

Short answer, no. Future isn't in that frame of mind, even though Lori is waiting for him to make that kind of real gesture to her. I think, IF they do, they may actually get married after he is done dealing with the courts. I also see that, if that happens, one of Future's BMs will come & try to sabotage it. I feel like there is one BM in particular (besides Eliza) that has been trying to expose this relationship. I don't see any of them pleased to be honest, but one in particular may come out of the wood work to try and humiliate Future/the relationship with Lori in some way. Future's excuse to Lori is that he had a lot going on, but it feels he is being pressure to propose/marry. Future isn't even thinking about proposing to Lori, however he feels she is 'something to invest in', so to speak. I think he feels like they will be dealing with one another for a while (I say 8 months tbh), but he is not expecting to marry Lori. Meanwhile, Lori may be waiting, to ultimately become bored by the relationship (I give her 7 months to express her disdain). She doesn't expect to last very long, let alone get married. Mutually, they don't feel the need to buy into what the world has to say. I feel like Future has other things he's focused on then to think about marriage. Lori could have even been the one to enforce it they are married, but it's in no seriousness.

😈Lori's feelings toward Future?😈

It feels like he hasn't done much to put forth to claiming the relationship in conflicting situations. I feel like they had some drama, which could have involved Future's other women, & he kept putting her through deceptive situations, & has yet to officially 'man up' about their relationship. He has continue to entertain other women throughout their relationship. I feel like she looks to Future to do more to solidify what they have going on to other people, but he still has other women he deals with on the side. I don't think she takes him a serious anymore because of this, yet they still continue to be back-and-forth. I feel like Lori has a problem with people affiliated with Future (side chicks, BMs, etc.) which causes her lot of drama. She also is reluctant to get pregnant by him, but she is being reckless in dealing with him altogether. She is well aware that Future isn't necessarily responsible in their relationship, for her main issue is that she isn't the main/number one girl to him; she basically wants him all to herself. I feel like he may be losing his appeal to her, & she feels like she is sick of the drama & BS that comes with being involved with him. He isn't a productive person within a relationship, & I feel the only way they bond is through sex, in her opinion. She hasn't really been pleased with him lately.

😈Future feelings toward Lori Harvy?😈

He feels it's been difficult to really settle down with her, manly because he isn't really ready to settle down with one person. He hasn't been straight up with her & has kind of been leading her on the whole time (shocker). Whatever delays that has been happening within their relationship were purposely delayed in action by way of Future's reluctance. I also think a big issue with him is that he doesn't want to have a baby with Lori, so I feel he has been flighty when it comes to fulfilling relationship responsibility. He isn't in a position to be a man who is settled down; he has some conflict with this, & he is being deceptive to her & the connection out of rebellion. It was fun & games to deal with Lori at first because the relationship it wasn't really about anything serious, but now that he is playing russian roulette with her ovaries, he's become somewhat reckless (not that he wasn't already) I don't think Future is being cautious about how he is dealing with his women, but he is pretty much actively taking control over them. I feel his fire for Lori is going out as well, because he already seems to be dealing with other people, & I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't have any shame about it.

😈Outcome of the relationship + what could end it?😈

I see Future's financial/legal woes starting to get the better of him, & this could become a wrench in his plans; to spoil Lori, really. I feel he is thinking to reapproach & possibly compromise/collaborate with a woman who is claiming financial investments for their pregnancy (to save time, we'll say this is Eliza). His biggest worry is that this suit doesn't drain him financially, because it is already a strain on him. He's also embarrassed by the way all of this has played out in front of the whole world. I feel them laying low together, but I feel the need to make the right decision & choosing it wisely. He definitely feels like he may make a decision to take a break from the relationship in order to do with his financial/legal issues. It's beginning to get a lot bigger mentally for him. He may just take time away from dealing with Lori to get himself straight, because he may need to get organized, or he's just delaying the inevitable changes he'd have to deal with. I feel there may be a pregnancy scare for Lori, & I feel like he may choose to be alone for when this happens. I also see him wanting to isolate himself a lot even from the possibility to slip up (because he's THAT irresponsible). He may become a lot more defensive or on edge, & his paranoia is going to prompt him to withdraw. I felt tensions will build if it comes out that she is in fact pregnant, because Future doesn't plan on sticking around. In fact, hes worried about having to be forced to fund another child financially. He is bound to repeat negative patterns & setting off that examples. I feel like if she IS pregnant, it may be an option to terminate the pregnancy (touchy subject, but I'm only reading with the card say) because of Future's reluctance & inability to want a baby. If she decides to keep the baby, we won't see her for the duration of her pregnancy, & she would probably be thinking to approach it in a different way. Not only that, she is going to be going through pain & betrayal behind the scenes with Future, & he will be even more of a manipulative person with her, if & when her (possible) pregnancy goes public. In short they will be fine, as long as she doesn't keep any pregnancies.

😈BONUS QUESTIONS😈

😈Is Future BROKE?😈

It's not that he's broke....he has a lot of legal issues that he has a difficult time meeting the wishes of the courts. To be fair, these BMs aren't letting up on him. I see women coming forward saying they are having his baby. It's going to be a lot coming at him financially, & they feel like women who aren't pleased with him (another shocker). He's going to have negative light shed on him again on how he isn't paying his dues as much. As much as he will make money, it will be requested of him at the courts as well. I see this coming out in the public, but it will possibly be a woman that lives at distance from where he is; it will also further drain his pockets. So I won't say that he's broke, rather he doesn't make enough for what he has to put back out.

😈Is Eliza 'doing everything for clout'?😈

There are ways she is able to take care of her daughter, but she feels it to be a disservice that he doesn't do anything to help out, & she's seen this happen before to other women. I feel she would rather not have all of the attention on her, but making noise would probably be the only reason the case is being looked at. She could care less if Future wants to silence her either. She would rather not deal with the other women or stress herself out of trying to coparent, because she would rather get her money & mind her business. She does want to bring attention to the truth about the situation; that truth being he isn't claiming Eliza or her baby. She wants him to have the choice to know the paternity, if it is his baby & he would like to be in her life, but she wants to have a peace of mind & some help in supporting her. She definitely feels it would be an issue with (some of) his BMs when it comes to a blended family, so she doesn't want to even be bothered with that either. She'd rather reach a compromise with Future, even though she isn't counting in it.

😈Will Eliza get what she asks for in child support?😈

In all honesty, the amount she asked for may not be what she gets. I feel it might actually be lowered. There is still a matter of paternity, so whether or not she will get a check is currently unclear, but as of right now a negotiation is still taking place.

😈Is Lori Harvey pregnant?😈

I don't see pregnancy for her at this time but I do see some hurt around if she were to get pregnant she doesn't feel she will get support from future I feel she wants to be careful in that regard in a way Laurie doesn't want to bring any issues into what they have going on and she respects his preference not to have kids or embarrass him I also feel like she already has his BMs; it feels like 3 of them are trouble out of the 5, but 1 in particular he still deals with taunts Lori with still having close ties to Future (the type that be like 'I still talk to him', 'he just left my house', 'how my pussy taste?' ass BM). She wouldn't feel at all welcome to his 'tribe'. It is a possibility that it can still happen if she isn't careful, but I don't feel it for her right now.

😈Does Future 'sleep around' on Lori Harvey?😈

He does. It is usually when they aren't together (like when either of them are removed from one another, by way of distance or time), but yes, he has flings as well as a 'favorite BM'. I actually feel like they broke up a little bit because of that, & I don't think their relationship was the same after. To put it plainly he has 'community dick'.

Now, let's let this marinate & watch it unfold 👀

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Poor Pablo

Jimmy: You here? Janis: standing to attention, like Janis: what's up? Jimmy: Can I stay at yours tonight like? Janis: 'Course, my Dad already extended the offer when he was trying to parent me lol Janis: Yours doing your head in? Jimmy: Seriously though? I'll sleep in the bath and try not to have Skerries flashbacks. Give a shit Jimmy: Yeah Janis: You don't have to Janis: though I've been told its comfier than you'd imagine if you're feeling it Janis: What's his damage...not ideal they had to call the parentals in but it is just detention, not a court date, y'know? Janis: I'd have figured out a way to take all the blame if I knew he'd go off Janis: Wank bank fantasy getting outta hand in the stalls? 🤔😉 Jimmy: It's an excuse for him to get at me, that's it Jimmy: Doesn't really matter what the drama is Jimmy: 😍 Proper romantic you 💕 Janis: Yeah Janis: Suppose it'd make a nice change to have you as the bad guy for once, eh? Janis: fuck that though Janis: Who me? Janis: never Jimmy: What d'you mean 😎👎💔 Jimmy: I'm so bad Janis: Very bad boy, NOT bad guy, waaaaaay different vibe Janis: Silly Jimmy: Good save Janis: Not a goalie or a superhero Janis: but Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: What time can I come over? Freezing here casually Janis: Come over now idiot Janis: Be doing me a favour anyway, be your charming self so I can escape the fam Jimmy: Done Jimmy: Want me to bring you anything? I'm thinking chips but no pressure Janis: Quite the offer Janis: but no need Janis: there's always so much food going in this gaff Janis: may as well help yourself Jimmy: Yeah? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I'm just gonna get Cass to bring me some stuff out #doorstepdrama Jimmy: Like fuck am I gonna come back here any earlier than needs Janis: That's fun 😒 free entertainment for the neighbours, nice one 👍 Janis: at least Cass'll get a kick out of helping the outcast hero Janis: Best to let him have his paddy, yeah, he'll be begging you back when he can't figure out where the kid's school shoes are Jimmy: I wouldn't bother but I need my charger in case Bobby can't sleep. Cass shouldn't have to handle that on her own Jimmy: She's be the definition of #buzzing for this part at least Jimmy: Maybe Twix'll shit in his shoes this time, 'cause bitch be loyal Janis: Shame you can't bring them both but kidnap would technically be something to shout about Janis: They'll be alright though, she's a tough cookie and a smart kid Janis: Get Grace to facetime him a bedtime story, he'd love that and she'd feel like she's doing jackanory, like Janis: We can only hope girl comes thru Jimmy: He'll take her up on that if I don't. Boy is 💕 for Gracie Jimmy: You're not about to get off light though, Cass wants to hear from you that I'm alright Jimmy: My word isn't worth a damn apparently Janis: She ain't offering for you! Even if you're currently in her good books for taking a 🔥 photo, like Janis: Still not good enough to be her fave 🤷 Janis: Tough ground Janis: Well, she's got you there, you're not the best at using 'em 😏 100% taking the fact I'm being considered the reliable one for once Jimmy: You win this round Jimmy: Don't get too comfy with it though Jimmy: I am on my way Janis: S'lonely at the top Janis: Get on my level, boy 🥇 Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: rude Janis: biting the hand that feeds Jimmy: Learning from your true love like Janis: I won't stand such slander on her good name Janis: she's a revenge shitter only not a biter 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'm having a smoke, you joining me or am I coming knocking? Janis: Lungs won't thank me but Pablo would if he knew how close he was to getting a smackdown Janis: Save me some I'm running Jimmy: *He took it easy on this one (not for her sake, you snooze you lose, mate) having been puffing away consistently since he slammed the door on his dad's ranting 'cause he'd needed to calm down. Or shut down. Naturally, it crept up on him, as persistent, which is why he's here, huddled in another cold doorway, waiting for a distraction that'll have him forgetting the barney his dad started days before and wasn't done with yet. Argumentative prick. Jimmy was happy to let Janis have that win, the only where he wouldn't (and couldn't) compete being in this, in drowning out the shit with something that isn't. There's no hiding the smile when he sees her, if the shadows do let him get away with it, they won't for long 'cause he's closing the gap between them instantly, refusing as much of the space as he can without giving himself away for doing it as he passes the cigarette over.* Janis: *She takes the cigarette like its second-nature, kiss on his cheek, feeling the familiar dimple of his smile, like they are too. Far from it on both counts. She's not a smoker, she needs her lungs clear and strong. And she's not in love, same reasons for her heart. Simple as. Still, she could enjoy the benefits of both without committing, couldn't she? Why not. It's not like she's faking either, just...dipping her toes. Only likely to incur minor damage, she reckoned she could take that and still get away laughing. Sure. Long drag before passing it back because without needing to even look his way, (though she did regardless, studious expression taking in his tight, stressed as shit, posture right now), she knew he needed it more. Janis jogs her legs up and down, 'brring' in the cold Winter night air.* You alright then? *She adds, as if they're just meeting on her doorstep by chance, not for reason. She smirks, shaking her head at herself, nudging his side.* Jimmy: *With the cigarette back between his fingers and the girl by his side he gets what he needs, the familiarity a reminder that this is his normal, not what he rushed to leave behind. To pick up his girlfriend for dinner his dad will have to drop this, rely on moody silence to show how he really feels and his own fakery, in this woman's company, for what he thinks he should. They all know how to handle the first, years under their belts, and the second idea's even more temporary. Fuck it. Jimmy could make a single cigarette last longer than his dad's current relationships, and had done, sometimes. Not this one though. Nah. He wasn't the dickhead to keep his girlfriend shivering while he pissed about blowing smoke in the dark. He took a final drag before flicking it away to meet Janis's contact with his own, using his now free hand to gently brush a loose curl from her cheek.* Yeah, mate, you? Janis: *Janis scrunches her nose up, batting his hand away, mix of bashfulness and banter, blown with a raspberry. Turns out, sex is alright, stunning review there, indescribably better than alright obviously but- its the smaller, everyday moments of intimacy, that had flown under her radar when she wasn't receiving them, that she still finds herself flinching from, or covering up said flinch with some kind of bullshit she finds it easier to wear, to shoulder.* Fine. *She blurts out, flustered and being a little sharp with it. Get it together. More jokes, forever skirting around serious, not getting too real or too deep 'cos they both know there's no coming back and why ruin it and- She peers at him, like he's a dog in Crufts, pretending to shine a torn in his eyes, checking his teeth, that kinda shit.* Hmm, healthy enough specimen. Gonna give me anything else to give to your Sister though, like? Dunna if 'yeah' is gonna get her off the phone in a hurry, to be honest. Not that I give a shit, or nothin', don't get it twisted. *She grins, turning to the door and then back again, lingering, reluctant to open the door yet, knowing they'd get descended upon by someone almost immediately. All fun and games. Still, there wasn't a world in which she was gonna turn him down and have him out on the street, like. No way.* Jimmy: *He plays along as though it's still a game and why not? He's just admitted to himself how used to fakery he is, being a family trait like, with both of them for him to thank. Not that he's sparing a thought for his mum, first or second. Not now. He told himself no more slips with the girl beside him and meant that just as much. More. It's easier to stick to on every level, and he does, ruffling her hair fully when he gets the chance. Eyebrows raised and an expression of his own ready to wear. This, he can keep up all night, same as the exaggerated huff that he let's escape, like a Twix snore, into the night along with the shrug that follows.* Use your skills, throw in as many hashtags as it takes to put her at ease. Throw in a selfie if she still isn't convinced. Me sleeping sound should do it. * He's joking but not wrong for it, not able to remember a time when he fell asleep before the other two. Cass'd be beyond 'shook' to even see a fake out of him getting a good forty winks. Jimmy smirks through the thought, forcing it to pass.* You got this, girl* He retorts it in the best mimicry of how Mia and that crowd speaks that his accent can do, wincing slightly both at the impression and idea of them being around. Still, he claws some of his 'clout' back with a challenging look that adds 'What else have you got.' 'cause who are they if there's not a challenge ongoing. As if to emphasis this, he goes towards the door himself, pushing it open with more daring than he actually feels. * Gonna invite me in then, or what? Janis: *She kisses her teeth angrily, full on 'boy, if you don't stop-' vibes, planting a balled fist in his stomach, gentle warning like, no need to assault him before the family saw to it with their over-the-top nature and curiosity. She knew it would but it was getting to her more than she imagined even. The cooing and awwing or the piss-taking and wink-wink nudge-nude of it all, whatever approach they took, why did they have to? What business was it of theirs? Of anyones? Why did there always have to be a song and dance about everything? The hot takes she'd never ask for. Ruined everything. Why did they care? About this? About her? Just fuck right off. Messy. Too messy. Family, feelings- fuck it all. She used to kid herself, couple of years ago, when it happened, that she'd move out as soon as she could and that'd be it. They'd leave her alone. And she could just exist. Run, sleep and repeat. And that is all she'd have to do. No thinking or feeling ever. But she knew better now. They weren't just going to disappear, even if she changed postcodes. Even Edie couldn't manage that. And she had really tried. The others didn't want to. So she was stuck. Here in the land of the living. Forced to participate, like it or not. Then Jim had come along. Made her like it, a little bit, like. And he'd made her think maybe she could add to her shortlist of approved activities. But let her think about that for too long and she always came to the same conclusion; that she was a fucking idiot and it'd all end in tears. She sighed, overexaggerating it last minute to pretend it was in reply to his showy huffing and puffing.* Not my skill-set, kid. You were always better at it than me. Not just the snappin', like. Right up until you jumped ship for a pretty face, #commitment. *She laughs.* But for Cass, I'll see what I can do. *Cringing at the accent-attempt and gasping in mock-horror at the invocation of Mia and co. (as if say their names three times and they'll appear to tell you your outfit is ugly) she puts a finger to his lips, pushing him behind her at the same time so she can lead the way in too.* Ta-dah! *She flourishes, with a shrug to say 'you asked for this' 'cos there was no hiding now. The downstairs open-plan, parentals unconvincingly 'busying' themselves in the kitchen. Iggy, Diego, Gus and (thank fuck, 'cos we know who's the likeliest to be a prick here) Pablo so far unaccounted for, Grace watching telly, curled up with her phone as per. Janis was ready to bolt up to her room, not so much as a hello but reckoned Jimmy wouldn't want the rep of being her 'rude boyfriend' (as concerned as he was with opinion clearly, bless) so she shouts out 'Jim's here', eyes on the stairs, giving them five seconds to respond before she was up 'em, like.* Jimmy: *The house makes him feel the same as it did the first time he was here once he's through the door again, thankfully though the urge to whistle is muted today, full of sobriety as he is, in every sense. He knew her family weren't renters in over their heads like his from day 1, it isn't just that like. He isn't just some reverse snob, it's everything here they haven't had to buy, and he couldn't if he had armfuls of cash. The 'vibe' he'd probably call it if he was Grace or her crowd. Still, he nods at everyone about as if it's common place for him to him to be greeted by a warmth that's nowt to do with temperature.* Evening. *He's got his smile back on but Jimmy's hand is scratching the back of his neck before he can stop it giving him away and all he can do is 'reckon' on Janis being too caught up on her own family dynamics to call him out for his lack of. That's the real #goals, isn't it? He thinks to himself, trying to shake these feelings off him without moving. Or sighing. You massive dickhead. Grace waves at him without looking up from her phone screen, a slice of his home life #relatable enough he can follow her sister's gaze with a decent smirk and a readiness to deal with what's gonna come down. Need's must had him here in the first place, alright, but now he's made it as far as asking to be let in, he'd like to stay. Not only be a grumpy twat Janis is stuck with, but a laugh she wants to stay about. In her gaff and out of it. When nobody immediately appears he heads up himself, not forgetting her insistence to lead the way before, he looks over his shoulder at her, obvious with it that's there's nowt for her to do now but keep up.*  Unlucky, mate. You're not getting off that easy, we've got a whole night ahead. Janis: *Janis is holding herself rigid, eyes fixed as tight and strong on her parents letting them know in no uncertain terms to behave...and they did? Leaving it at cheery hellos and promises of dinner being done in about half an hour if they fancied it. Hm. First time for everything. Letting disbelief at their ability to be normal for once in their friggin' lives (where had this been all the other times she'd begged them/the universe for it?!) carry her up the stairs behind Jim. She let him flounder in the burrow-like corridors of upstairs, so different to the openness of the downstairs, that'll teach you to go ahead, boy, she thought with a smirk, now pushing in front with arms wide open.* Pick a door, any door! *She laughed, heading to her own before he actually did, not knowing who was in.* Welcome to my humble-abode... *She added, as they were over the threshold, kicking her gym bag, over-spilling with laundry, aside. She sat down on her unmade bed to assess, from outsiders, from his, eyes. Not here enough anymore that it was critically messy, that was good; old posters covering up old holes in the plaster from older anger, nothing cringe, thankfully but- It was a bit sad, to be honest...bare, lacking...anything, personality, life. She sighed. Red-faced from embarrassment and redder still from anger at feeling that embarrassment. She didn't care about herself, yeah. And what? And what is that her room said as much in no uncertain terms and having him see it was just- well. Shaming. Time for a joke.* If this setting don't get you in the mood, I don't know what will. Jimmy: *10 kids, he reminds himself, when he reaches the top and is met with an upstairs that belongs to a different house. That disconnect continues, growing, when Janis opens one of the doors in the maze. Hers. He's got no room to judge, none of his house looks lived in yet, as if Cass can protest having to by refusing to help unpack, knowing he doesn't have (or want to make, 'cause there's enough stuff in there for it to be boring, but then there's what's missing too, which is worse. Depressing.) the time to tackle the unopened box on his own after months. He isn't. Judging, that is. But he can't stop himself looking about, eyes focusing again on what there is, and isn't. What it means. And doesn't. Fuck. What a pair, they are like. Jimmy has to say something, silence will have her thinking all kinds of shit that isn't right. Least of all that he's a twat. Which, sort of is. He's equipped to be that though, which is something. He can easily grin at her, fall into simple, old habits. Banter by numbers that'll be #nodrama for her to throw back at him. 'Cause whatever his dad might think right now, he's not the dickhead trying to make everything harder. Why would he? The day to day shit already has that covered. So he aims his biggest 'heart eyes' at her, from the earliest days of their fakery, hiding any real expression in the over-the-topness of it all, for her as much as him (he tells himself, without needing much convincing with the blush spotted. It isn't thanks his charms, they both know. But in a second they can pretend it's his cringe factor.)* Only got eyes for you, babe. We could be anywhere. *Still, even as he's mocking himself with mimicking throwing up in his mouth, before she can, naturally, passed that, somewhere real he's deciding that should she suggest getting out of here to elsewhere tonight he's not about to fight it. Wherever they end up. #nocringe. It'd be too much of a lie to act like asking to come here was too much and everything that's come after, as a result, is too. He shouldn't have done it and there's no wonder everything's been off since. Her room could be the same as downstairs and he wouldn't wanna stay there, would he? It's his 'vibe' fucking things. Cheers dad. Jimmy sighs, throwing himself on the bed, and turning it into the appreciative whistle he didn't do at the door. Fucking hell.* Janis: *The eye-roll comes so hard it has her reeling, spinning out in her own head. At least, its better for them both if she pretends that's what's got her feeling dazed and disorientated. Sick with not knowing how to play this. No 'oh my, a boy in my room!' giddiness, fuck that shit. It was 'oh my, having to spend time in this depressing pit'. And his hand forced to spend his time here too. It'd be different if he had wanted to. Maybe. Okay, probably not. But if he had wanted to then they really wouldn't care where they were, paying no mind to anything but each other, not like his car was a lambo or like she'd given two fucks then, so it might've been tolerable. Ignorable, at the very least. But he HAD to be here. Nowhere else to go. That paired with how this room inadvertently showed all her cards had her feeling as bare as their surroundings, #exposed as they would say for the craic. Not that she was mad at him for not begging to sleepover just 'cos he wanted her so bad, again, fuck that shit hard. Not that girl. Everything was just weird and off and it didn't lend itself to a good night's sleep for either of 'em, she was willing to bet. She shrugged, those muscles so overworked, never skipped, massaging at the tension there in vain. Bounced from the dramatic way he flung himself down, she rests herself down on her elbow beside him, face to face.* If you want, we can go to the Barn. Its kitted out, like- *She pauses, thinking back on the times when it had been a place they all made Diego's films together, the times it had been Edie and Rio's bedroom, sneaking in there with them, leaving Grace alone in the dark of their old shared room. Now, well- She spent even less time in there than she did here. Only venturing when it was so dark and she felt so alone, it just felt right to hide out in there; harking back to all those many nights she'd sneak out, praying Edie would be there again, and to the one night, she was. Tucked up in her bed as if she'd never left. As if she wasn't really there. But she was. She was. And she'd gestured for her to get in with her and they'd just held each other...Janis holding on for dear life, determined to NEVER let go, so she couldn't leave again. She thought she felt the same desperation, in the way her big sister clutch to her too, almost hurting her but she would have never of complained. Determined to keep her in sight, eyes wide open and staring into hers, barely visible in the dark but there. She was there. Of course, she had fell asleep, and of course, when she awoke, the sun was up and Edie was gone. She was just a fucking kid, like. 'A fucking failure is what you were. And are.' She shook her head. At least the barn HAD memories, more than you could say of the box room she'd relegated herself too. No longer able, or needing to share with anyone. Not Grace. Or Rio and Edie. They'd all gone. Empty rooms to fill.* All mod cons and a comfy bed, like. But you can keep that between us and add to your sob story, yeah? *She mimics the tiny violin he was always sending, #IRLShade like, hoping the piss-taking would distract from the disjointed nature she'd made that offer in. Ghosts refusing to let her go, let her be with him fully. She never could be. It was the sad kind of hurt when you just know, know that whatever you're doing, or want to do, won't work. And knowing this and knowing you're gonna hurt the other person, so far so clueless. Oh, Jim. Why do you think I was on my own when you met me, boy?* Jimmy: *He's fucked it instantly, looking at her too hard, all the bollocks stripped back and away by how close she is, suddenly, though he should have expected it. Not like her bed's big enough for anything much else, but he never does, somehow. Still. Ever. Breathing hurts but he forces himself not to keep it shallow, refusing to swap places so soon when she was meant to be the one swooning. Fake or not. And there's so much real shit he wants to say, but can't. Again, too much. It leaves him only inhaling and sighing, brooding like the kinda poser he isn't trying to be on any day. Least of all this one. Does it matter though? It doesn't feel like it when his hand drops before it can reach out, touch her in any way, jokes as out of bounds as anything. He isn't meant to be lost with her, but tonight doesn't give a fuck about that, does it? He jumps on the offer a change, nodding, frantic for a kick that'd have him behaving like less of a dick. Please. The fucking break he hasn't asked her for is there, inching closer to letting itself be said, and he's scared of that, going there like.* Alright. *He wants to give himself a smack for how quiet he sounds. Serious. Okay knobhead, calm it. Good luck following that through when you know you've got none though, Jim. He's up and taking her hand before he can dwell on it, moving to take the lead as far as retracing their steps and being out. He can handle that geography. Jimmy does allow himself a pause small enough only to draw a cross over his heart playfully once she's played the violin for him. Thanks, mate. It's almost spoken aloud 'cause of the relief the familiarity of it , brought here and now, comforts him. Alright, calm it again, tosser. But yeah, that works, letting him. He walks stretching their linked hands as far as possible while staying connected, laughing genuinely, still soft but out there. He draws a quick tick over the same space, hurriedly.* Done. Janis: Alright. *She confirms with a nod as serious as his close-to-silence was. Couldn't accuse him of being a man of too MANY words usually, like, but still, spoke volumes, didn't it? Could write friggin' volumes on how badly she was fucking it up with him now. That's what you did after break-ups, right? Write wanky (in all the ways) poetry. Fuck that. Get the fuck out of your own head, fucking eejit! Now! He's still here yet. She seized the conversation by the balls, 'fore it got away from her grasp again, immediately adding-* Alright, alright, alright! *Matthew McConaughey style. 'Cos Christ, someone had to cut through the tension and she weren't about to invite the fam up to give it a go. Fuck that, too. Even if it was awkward as arse, to say the least, and the dead and buried past was unearthing itself just to try drag her under tonight- she still wanted it to be just them. Him and her, fuck the rest. And that was something. Even if that was all she could get, all she still had. She'd cling to that with bleeding, broken nails, jaw clamped, teeth sunk deep in the flesh of it. It was something. She was so fucking used to, so fucking sick of, nothing. A promise, or a prayer, she repeated it over and over, 'til she near believed it herself. With this in mind, she pulls on the hand that is leading her, pulls him back, understanding his rush and only wanting to slow it for one thing. She mimics shooting him where he had been tracing, where she wants to trail her own fingers badly, as he draws in, she puts her fist over his heart, thumping up and down, up and down, before exploding out- And with that, she kisses him, as desperate as he was to take up her offer and run, she needed this more. And she had never known anything she needed more than to run. But she did. She did.* Done. *She mirrors, drawing her lips away from his, with a smirk. Ahead again, one foot on the top step.* Jimmy: *He's about to descend back into mockery, the words 'all about the obscure refs, you' there, ready to go if he's willing to release them, thoughts already going backward, onto the typed convo where she tried to give him an artsy education, school him about muses, all of that, but before he can take the step she's pulling him, literally to where she's forced a stop. In the first second he's tense, thinking it's a full one, that she's done with him and the company he isn't being tonight, but before he can fall further into his pit (he's in there enough, prior that she's tried to dig at him with her best McConaughey, for fuck's sake) he all but floats out. There's no # that could cover this in his stunted imagination, he thinks, before his brain shuts off. The kiss is more than the break he didn't have the balls to ask for (though it lasts about as long as the one he'd gave her, standing on some twat's marble floor). It's a separation from all the shit that's been running him ragged for days, forcing him to run here in the first place. Jimmy knows then that he'll stay, has to, not 'cause there's nowhere else to go, but 'cause nowhere else exists when she kisses him like that. Fuck. It basically escapes, not as the word, but in sound that he can't escape either. Doesn't want to. The only thing he cares about is keeping this close to her and knowing she's alright with him being there. More than fucking alright like.* Nah mate *He retorts breathlessly, clawing back some strength back only as his hands find her hips and use the grip he's found there to spin her body round to face him. He isn't done yet, there's no chance. Not now she's given him one to erase the last few days and land him back into decent ones with her. Jimmy's an echo of how he was after running from Mr Lucas and he's not letting go of that. What for? 'Cause his dad wants him to. Fuck that and fuck him. What was he done with was feeling like shit. So of course he kissed her again, sinking only into the depths of that, trying to say everything with it that he couldn't verbally. Needing to have a go even though it meant hearing Janis' clatter into the beginnings of the banister with the force of everything he was desperate for her to know, 'cause if he pulled back then that'd be it and he's not having that. Fuck no. He's lost enough, tonight's bed being the least of it. Janis: *If she was going to complain, (she wasn't), he doesn't give her the time, or space, to do so. Exactly what they both needed; and she didn't need to reckon that. Crashing together, crashing into the wall, like. No room for anything to come between 'em, not their thoughts or past or any of that bullshit; all blurring into background nothingness, where it belonged. In these moments, there was nothing but them and their need. And it was good. Really good. The kind of good she didn't need to second-guess or overthink. Just be in it and soak in every second, every touch, the heat and feel of his skin against hers, alive, human, real. The violence of the urgency, the competitive one-upping- Not only keeping it interesting (to say the fucking least) but keeping it as something she could understand, something that didn't scare the living shit out of her, frankly. Easy as breathing, this; Though both theirs was heavy now, laboured from the control of letting some of said go, whilst not losing themselves to it so wholly that they alerted someone to it, spoiling their fun for the second time in a week. A game of meeting every kiss of his with more, and then some. Biting, tugging at his bottom lip in, trying in vain to make the kiss even deeper. Nails dug into his shoulders, pulling him down with her as her back slid down the wall, him sat at the top of the stairs, her on his lap. 'How did you stop yourself though?' A faint voice in the back of her mind pondered, with no intention to found within her. Clearly, they needed the Mr. Lucas' of the world or they'd never get anything else done. Clearly channeling the man himself, Pablo chose this time to appear out of his room, quite literally stumbling onto the scene, and them, Janis sticking out an arm (and jumping off Jim's lap) with lightning reflexes so he didn't topple down the fucking stairs.* Oops, watch it... *She didn't have time (nor desire) to be embarrassed. Her older Brother's mumbly, half-asleep grumbles of 'a-fucking-gain? Really Janis?!' and promises to 'have words with you, later!' to Jim, had her creasing. When Pablo was out of sight, and out of mind as soon as, she rested her head on the shoulder she'd left nailmarks in, kissing it gently though she wasn't particularly sorry about it.* Jimmy: *It isn't until she has to save him from hitting the bottom of the stairs with a thud that he even sorts out in his head again where they are, beyond the abstract bollocks of 'together' and all that. It takes that much to get through to him, but he isn't sorry, 'cause he isn't alone in it. If he's falling, figuratively as well as the near literal, then she is too. And that's alright by him. More than fucking alright, as per like. Jimmy can laugh through this interruption, at what it takes to pull them apart now (unlucky Mr Lucas but you probably won't cut it next time) adding to it himself with the breathless whisper of 'fucking hell, mate' that finds only her ear as he shakes his head affectionately at the pair of 'em. Janis' brother's appearance (along with anything he might have said) forgotten as soon as it's happened, same as before. If they'd been any room for it he might have felt bad for the lad, keeping mugging him off like that, but he still wants what he wants. Needs, honestly. There's no forgetting, or ignoring that any 'itch' has only been scratched so far as to make it more 'itchier', more noticeable in the first place. It's a crap analogy but it's what's there as he pulls her down the stairs and back towards the door, rougher and noisier that he would if he could make a string of thoughts or words fit together properly to promise her that this still isn't done. Jimmy 'reckons' in a semi coherent idea that he'll barricade the barn door with any or all manner of shit, once they are there,  to guarantee no more interruptions tonight. Bet on that, mate, his expression says, as they go. Jinx. Fuck. He almost kicks the door in frustration upon hearing the shout for dinner, her dad's head catching them as 'ready' for it. Pfft. No chance. It smells good, yeah, but there's no contest. Janis feels, looks and smells incredible like. Meals can wait, they always did at his, even when he had his mum there to do his job of moving a tray of something from freezer to cooker, or his pop's of fetching a takeaway when in from work, there was no sitting down at a this or that time. No table to eat at either, just the sofa, or his bed when he was being the type of utter dickhead that only a certain age manages, whenever it was put in front of him. Here at Janis, that time, was right now. And worse, ('cause of course there's worse with his English luck) before he can do a dash that'd have that school day looking like slo-mo, his stomach rumbles, sealing the deal and their fates. His girlfriend has never let him go hungry yet. Shit. To be continued then.*

[stephicness]

I was one of the anons who requested Ravus/Gladio. Thank you so much for writing this and I hope you liked writing it :)) The only problem I have with the fic is the fact that you mentioned quite a lot that Gladio typically doesn't bottom. I think a lot of girls have this weird stereotypes that men like him don't like bottoming, but irl it's not about being "submissive" or less strong/manly/etc. It's quite insulting, actually. I hope I'm not being rude, if I'm - sorry.

Oh no, dear anon! You’re not being rude at all. c: I definitely see where you’re getting at! Roles are never predetermined, and people always can be as diverse and open as they chose to be. Perhaps I can explain my thoughts about the writing a bit more too, to show you where I was getting at in a few things? 

You see, in the writing, despite me not mentioning it so details, I refers that Gladiolus doesn’t particularly bottom, mostly out of the idea that A) he’s headcanoned in some of my writings as bisexual, usually with a preference for women, B) when he’s with Ravus, he usually takes initiative due to Ravus’s prosthetic being a hindrance in some cases, and C) it’s a matter of rivalry and personal pride rather than dominance.

For A, it seems more along the lines of a man and woman-type bond, so he’s generally be the one to be the more ‘dominant’ role. Not saying that there isn’t things that are subject to change, of course, but this is in the normal sense. A quick note here that a majority of Gladiolus’s relationships in this instance, he’s often viewed as the leading role in them. The man that wears the pants, dadada. Those weird stereotypes here.

For B, Ravus is a character that, I imagine, actually gets fatigued quite a bit due to his prosthetic. It’s heavy, it wears him down, and removing his arm for proper comfort/rest makes him being a top all the more challenging, thus he usually takes a backseat and lets Gladiolus take the lead in these sorts of flings. It was unusual for Ravus to be the one to demand to be the top in this dynamic. The way I pictured those two, Gladiolus and Ravus never really did anything beyond just the flirtatious mannerisms when Ravus sported his Magitek arm. They always split up to freshen up, giving Ravus enough time to take his arm off to prevent such fatigue and stuff. It made it harder for Ravus to support himself, and I imagine it brought forth a more catering nature in Gladiolus to make sure Ravus didn’t strain himself.

And C is where alot of Gladio’s reluctance came from. He doesn’t mind being a bottom, and he does enjoy himself when he finally gets into it, but Ravus is his rival of sorts. Challenging him to physical exercises, bets alike, other things to prove who is the better between them – Gladiolus took Ravus’s desire to top almost like a challenge. He didn’t want to lose that status to Ravus, even if he didn’t really mind the idea of it. The sheer fact that his rival (friendly, political, etc) was going to be the top for that night? He’d put up a fight even if they were fighting over who loved each other more (not that they’d ever admit that aloud to each other in a serious way, but you get the idea!). 

The idea of maintaining ‘manliness’ does sneak in though, I’ll admit. However, the line that mentions that Gladio didn’t want Ravus to tell the others was a personal pride thing to Ravus and the others. He’s meant to be the ‘King’s Shield,’ a protector and a guardian. He wants to be able to keep to the title and not let the others judge him over the notion that just because he takes it on a few occasions, that it would let him falter in his duty to Noctis (I mean, Ravus likes to get on Gladio for alot of things. He’d rather not let his preference in position be one of them!). Not that the others really mind, but he doesn’t talk much about what role he takes in his relationships often. He’s quiet private in those types of matters, I imagine. Probably didn’t really tell Ravus that it wasn’t his first time bottoming either until after this writing, too. Ravus just looked so confident about topping that Gladiolus couldn’t tell him no. ‘Just because it was him.’ His eagerness was mostly out of the fact that Ravus was so damn awkward about his actions, to be honest.

Those were some thoughts I had behind how I wrote the fic for you! It sounds like I’m making excuses, and so I’m sorry if I seem defensive and argumentative. But truly, I did think about alot of these things as I wrote.

I’d be glad to write them again though, because this really was a fun challenge for writing. :D Many thanks for requesting from me to begin with. Hopefully I can fix my mistakes next time!