#this video was so silly he had like. potions. you had to be there

[jacketstrings]

COLT Python .357 MAGNUM Gun Lighter | Don't Delete Caption

[frost-queen]

Watch the boyfriend (Reader x Elijah Mikaelson)

Requested by: anon Forever tag:@missmelodramatic  , @merlin-dahlia, @alex--awesome--22 , @elllie-does-the-posts, @floatlosers   , @merlieve , @queen-of-books  , @glimmering-darling-dolly   ,@denkisclown  , @wildieflower   ,@meyocoko  , @justanothercoco, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @m-rae23, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr, @swampthing07  , @melsunshine   @panhoeofmanyfandoms  , @venomsvl, @the-uncoordinated-house-cat,@rosecentury,   @imagines-by-her ,  @evilcr0ne , @vviolynn, @niktwazny303   ,@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

Your foot bopped along with the beat. Earplugs in you sat sideways in one of the Victorian chairs. Legs over railing, scrolling on your phone. The Mikaelsons were out, meaning you had the house for yourself. You took the opportunity to do absolutely nothing and have some me time. Moving around the house with earplugs so that the music swallowed you whole. Now you were just sitting down, waiting for the Mikaelsons to come home. Your eye caught a glance of the first Mikaelson entering.

It was Kol. He nodded at you as you gave him a welcoming nod back. Freya entered next with Rebekah, chattering about something. Elijah and Klaus were the last Mikaelsons to enter. Elijah smiled upon seeing you. With vampire speed he rushed over to you.

Coming to hover over you, leaving a caring kiss on your forehead. You looked up at him, tapping at your lips. Elijah chuckling before kissing your lips upside down. You heard Klaus groan letting himself fall down in the sofa. You unplugged your earplugs, swinging your legs over the railing to the front.

“How was your day sweetheart?” – Elijah asked coming to sit on the railing with you. – “Enough about me, how was your day? Did it go well?” – you answered. Elijah took your hand, fiddling a bit with your fingers. Looking at him, you noticed some forgotten blood on his jaw.

Making your finger wet, you wiped it clean. – “You missed a spot dear.” – you told him. Elijah cupped your cheek. – “I’ll have you to clean me.” – he whispered to you. Klaus rolling with his eyes. – “Please lead this up to the bedroom.” – he scolded. Elijah and you both laughed. Klaus then got up, taking his brother by the arm.

“Come we have much to discuss.” – he said. You blew Elijah a kiss as he left with his brother. Putting in your earplugs again, you forgot what you were even mindlessly scrolling through. Video after video you were watching with little interest.

Swiping your finger up a few more times, the video’s flashed by. Till one video made you stop and watch. A girl’s voice speaking as you saw the camera getting pointed at a boy. “Hey guys can you watch my boyfriend for me.” – she said taking her leave. Her phone turned towards her boyfriend as he looked confused at the camera.

It made you laugh at how silly his expression was. – “What are you laughing about?” – Rebekah asked joining you in the open living room. You took out your earplugs, showing her the video. At first she furrowed her brows till she started laughing. She handed you back your phone. – “Do you think I should do it with Elijah?” – you questioned. Rebekah quirking her eyebrow up.

“He’d have no clue.” – she answered. – “Right!” – you called out. – “That would make it so funny!” – you told her. – “If you do make the video, send it to me.” – Rebekah suggested. – “So you can have leverage over him?” – you teased with a laugh. – “Then you should make one about Niklaus too.” – she joked. Rebekah’s phone rang as she got up, answering it. Speaking with her gave you stuff to think about. Getting more eager to do it with Elijah. You only had to wait for Elijah to finish his meeting with Klaus.

Waiting for Elijah felt like eternity so you decided to help out Freya in the meantime. Help her label some new bottles with ingredients for her spells and potions. The urge of filming the video growing by the minute. Freya noticed you were eager for something, but didn’t comment about it. Hearing the door open, it made you tense your muscles. From Freya’s witchy room, you saw a glimpse of Klaus leaving.

You quickly set the last bottles down. – “Sorry gotta run Freya!” – you called out, taking your leave. – “Thanks for the help Y/n!” – Freya shouted after you. You ran into the room where Elijah was. He looked surprised at you for a moment. – “Y/n, sweetheart.” – he called out. You walked up to him, placing your hands on his hips, getting on the tips of your toes for a kiss. Elijah happily kissed you back. 

“Someone missed me.” – Elijah said with a smile. – “Didn’t you miss me?” – you asked curious, already knowing the answer. – “Immensely.”  - Elijah responded cupping your cheek. His comment made you scrunch your nose with a teasing smile. Elijah booped your nose making you flutter your face back. – “How about a drink?” – You suggested, tilting your head a bit. – “I can’t say no to you spoiling me.” – Elijah replied.

You went over to the bar, taking two glasses. Leaning over the counter, you grabbed for the bottle. – “Need a hand sweetheart?” – Elijah asked. – “No!” – you called out loud. He moved his hands up in defence, not arguing with you there. He sat down as you returned with his glass. You then went over to grab your glass from the counter. Pulling out your phone. You pretended to hold it against your ear as if you had a call.

Elijah furrowed his brows, wondering who you were calling. You then moved your phone down, pressing the record button. Returning to Elijah, you made sure it was recording from the front. Setting your glass down on a good position. – “Hey guys can you watch my boyfriend.” – you said, setting the phone against the glass for support.

Elijah’s gaze went from you, down to your phone. Staring confused right at the camera as you took a run for it. Elijah turned around. – “Y/n?” – he called out. He then looked back at the camera, feeling like someone was watching him. He stared awkwardly at it, feeling awkward to even sip his drink. Nervously, he moved his hand up to greet whoever was watching him.

His gaze glided awkwardly away from the camera, trying to see if you were returning. When you weren’t returning, he sighed deep. Tapping his fingers patiently together it felt awkward for him. Elijah suddenly moved closer to the camera. His face getting full on the camera. – “I don’t need watching.” – he said to your phone. You had returned seeing him do that. It made you laugh loud, making him turn his head in an instant. – “Y/n!” – he shouted.

Continuing to laugh, you ran over to your phone to collect it. Your face came on the camera as Elijah looked over your shoulder in the camera as well. – “Has he behaved?” – you asked teasingly at the camera. Elijah looked in shock at you. – “I have!” – he called out, making you laugh loud, stopping the video.  

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Read more of my fics on my Masterlists!  

[sordidmusings]

Sweetly Scented Secrets - Intro (Reader x CYOE Various)

Summary: On a stop to a new island, you managed to find yourself at a witch's stall. Despite yourself, you actually bought some things. The purchase that vexes you is a perfume that could supposedly urge confessions out of those it targets.

Word Count: ~1.8k

A/N: this is some good ol’ Nonsense that came from this ridiculous video of a man spraying himself with perfume then seemingly being unable to keep divulging So Much so suddenly 💀 I have been told that he frequently dissociates into a state of info dumping. I will choose to believe the perfume compelled him. And thus it will compel the blorbos. Some will be sfw and some nsfw (and tagged accordingly of course). All will likely be goofy. I will play with which is which and who happens based on my fancy unless requested! This gets out first cuz it was p much done Forever Ago so all I had to do was fill it out and edit it and make a mood board then set it to come out on a Monday cuz Fuck Em

Warnings: gn! reader (I tend to write from afab perspective since that’s what I am so if something slips please let me know 🤍 this goes for all my gn!), a wild OC appears! Take her in all her cringy glory 👌🏻, I just always wanna write witches man, can’t decide if magic (largely in the modern western esoterica sense) being legitimate counts as canon divergence, if so then this is canon adjacent 🤷🏼‍♀️

~ ~ ~ ••• ✦✦✦ ••• ~ ~ ~

A spiritual crisis was not how you wanted to start your morning.

You were stuck between the deep-rooted desire to believe in magic and every skeptic you’ve ever known talking down their nose at you. It felt like a very unbalanced war between the two. The weight of scorn had tamped down your wish for magic to be fact for years, but a wanting pit in your chest still clung to “what if”. That pit had begun to grow roots and stems as the Grand Line showed you places and life beyond the scope of your imagination. What explanation was there for Devil Fruits besides magic? Though, magic, it seems, was only for Gods to deal out. Earthly life must keep trying to use science to catch up or fight for what scraps the Gods toss their way.

You continued to stare dubiously at the carved stone bottle in your hand. Delicate, swooping letters decorated its soft pink label, spelling out “Affection’s Confession” in deep violet. Gold accents brought out their curves and matched the shimmering golden wax that sealed the bottle’s cork and dripped down to crawl on the translucent fluorite vessel. It sat heavy in your hand, each second passing with it in your palm adding another gram to it then another and another. You sighed and placed it back on your dresser to stare some more. The light dancing through the sloshing clear liquid, bouncing and glimmering through lines of blue and green and purple, only made it more enticing to you.

Your hesitation was exacerbated by the perfume’s seller. Well, maybe potion was a better word? Saying “potion” made you feel silly though, even if it was given to you by a witch. And that brings you back to the whole problem.

The last island you’d visited was known for its strange customs and belief in the arcane. Most weren’t living by the practice; just knew of its validity as yet another mundane fact of life. Finding the actual practitioners was much harder, or it was supposed to be.

You would’ve had to have been blind or willfully, stubbornly ignorant to see that woman and think anything other than “witch”. Feathers and beads were tied in her dark hair, swaying in time with her vertebrae earrings on each turn of her head to watch passersby. You kept your eyes to them as you approached her, feeling unsettled and intrigued by the strange decorations. Shortly after you began heading towards her, her face snapped to you and she zeroed in, making you feel like a rabbit stalled before a fox. When she stood from her seat and sashayed over to greet you in front of her stall, you realized she was barefoot, sporting wood and leather anklets instead of shoes. The music they beat with each of her steps and the open smile that warmed her face eased you just a bit.

“Hello, sweet thing,” she greeted, the cheery tone of her voice ringing out the pet name. “I can help you find just what you need. The coven and I have built a stock to aid any situation, including yours.”

As she leaned forward in a semblance of a bow, you noticed her large necklace of braided bramble (Thorns still on? you noticed incredulously) hung low, holding dried roses in front of her cleavage. The languid way it followed her matched the nature of the scant drapings of deep red and dirty beige fabric, which hung on her in the vague shape of a summer dress. She held out her suntanned arms, palms up to ask for your hands. Having her this close nearly made you step back; something unnatural lived in the air around her and her tawny eyes saw right through doors and walls and words and skin. Feeling hesitant, you continued to meet her gaze and only offered a mumbled greeting.

“Come now, let me have your hands,” she encouraged gently. “They’ll tell me what you need.”

“How are they supposed to do that?” you asked curtly. “And I usually like knowing someone’s name before hand-holding.”

“Call me Pythia,” she chimed immediately, still holding her bent posture and asking hands. “I don’t have the time to explain the hands. I promise I won’t keep them though.” She giggled at her own… joke? You were hoping that was a joke. You eyed the peeks of death behind her (articulated bugs here, bones there, jarred creatures, hides, blood-) that made all the pretty wares around them seem tainted.

Watching her laugh was the first time you noticed the knack her loving smile had for curling into something more impish, cluing you in that she knew something you didn’t. Despite this making her feel even more dangerous to interact with, you put your hands in hers.

“Thank you, lovely,” Pythia said, voice heavy with a gratefulness that didn’t seem to fit the moment to you. While she cradled your hands, you took in the many carved rings and bangles of stone, leather, metal, and bone cautiously.

That caution had rooted itself to you and was very stubbornly sticking to your feelings about her wares. Besides the perfume, you had purchased an herbal pouch to hang over your bed, meant to aid with ease and depth of sleep. The first night, you noticed your mind was much calmer than its usual anxious whirring before bed. The second night, you listened to the first of her instructions and took ten deep breaths through your nose against the sigil-embroidered pouch. Your sleep came mere minutes after taking in the floral and earthy scent. It had you decide to try out the full instructions, adding on asking the herbs for good rest, placing a gentle kiss to the sigil, and sealing it with a long press of your forehead to the marking. You slept like the dead.

The success had you brainstorming on how to make it back to her in a few months, as she had warned you that the effects will fade with use. It has only been three weeks since your first full ritual with the pouch and you can already feel it start to wane just a bit. You mourned this morning when the sun through your window had actually managed to rouse you from sleep. When you were grumpily blinking at the bright light, you had noticed the perfume bottle still sitting untouched next to the beaming light.

If the pouch worked then shouldn’t this?

That hope was what led you to stare over the bottle as you were now, and try to convince yourself that it wouldn’t be so ridiculous to try out. After all, you had felt quite stupid speaking to your herb pouch and that feeling paled in comparison to the benefits it brought you. You took another minute to mull it over then steeled yourself with a deep breath to go through opening up the bottle.

You found and flipped open your pocket knife before settling on your bed with the bottle. As Pythia had instructed, you placed a kiss on each flat side of the blade before cutting around the rim of the bottle, right where the cork met glass. You thanked the blade and flipped it back closed. You twisted the cork out, took a deep breath filled with curiosity, and smelt… nothing?

Pulling the opening of the bottle to press on your upper lip, you took another long sniff. Yep. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

You frowned at the bottle, wondering if the witch had actually managed to sell you snake oil. You sent your narrowed gaze to the herb pouch above your bed then back to the bottle in your grip, mulling over your trust in the liquid. Eventually, a mix of previous success and your burning curiosity got you to continue trying the perfume out. You were also pretty sure you saw actual snake oil in her shop, so that handed the witch a point for gumption and a deduction from trickery.

Her instructions were quite detailed for the perfume to be at its most potent. Things about the meanings associated with fingers and the places on the body and the importance of the order and all of it seemed to jumble together. When you asked if she had anything to write it down, she shrugged and told you what you remembered of the instructions was the act meant for you to take. Maddeningly unhelpful. So you sat on your bed and ran them through your memory until you were sure you recalled everything as clearly as possible. After a good while meditating on it, you were surprised by the detail that your mind let you recall of it. You were ready.

Blocking the small opening with your right ring finger, you overturned the bottle and flipped it back, leaving a drop of the substance on your fingertip. After repeating the process on the other side, you took to dabbing the prescribed spots with those fingers, making sure your right hand touched your left side and your left hand touched your right. You focused on following the list exactly - a dot on the front of each ankle, a dab on the center of the top of the thighs, one on each hip bone, a small swipe along each bottom rib. Each application was made with a whisper of “I can receive”.

Refreshing the liquid on your fingers, this time your pinky fingers, you continued to the next section. You placed a dab at the center of each clavicle, a swipe on the back ends of the jaw, and a circle on each temple, this time muttering “I can hear” with each touch. The liquid placed on each middle finger was rubbed into the opposite wrist to the words “I can unlock”. Lastly, you used your index fingers to draw a star on your third eye. This time right stayed with right and left with left when you flicked the bottom points to aim at your irises (“I can see”) and the side points to follow your brow (“I can know“). Your fingers joined together to draw the final point directly towards the crown of your head. With finality, you voiced a solid and steady “I can understand”.

Once you had finished applying, you noticed a sweet smell start to emanate from your skin. It was quite delicate at first, luring you to lean closer and seek it out. That pull only increased as you also sought more of the pleasant sensation warming your mind with each lungful of the scent. After a good thirty seconds, it leveled out, leaving you feeling boneless and content like you’d woken from a nap basking in the sun. The face of your love smiling down on you during a lazy summer afternoon flashed in your mind with the feeling.

Okay, maybe this will make them confess to me.

~ ~ ~ ••• ✦✦✦ ••• ~ ~ ~

Whose confession do you seek?

(list of who I have ideas for in no particular order) Law, Ace, Sanji, Nami, Robin, Koby, Luffy, Buggy, Mihawk

Other names are not unwelcome, just the juices weren't flowing for others vibing immediately with the energy of this prompt but tbh sometimes the challenge of that makes better fics. If you do want to request, please include sfw or nsfw and whether you want gn, afab, amab, fem, or masc. If you don't then my personal default is afab (female physiology, avoided or they/them pronouns for gender). I'm a bit nervous about writing transfem and transmasc properly, but so long as you're okay giving it a once over and pointing if I've made mistakes so I can correct them then I'm happy to try!

Also I had to fight the urge to start this with a dumbass joke hard lol the other first lines were "There are two wolves within you. Both of them are telling you this is likely a crock of shit."

[universallydestinytaco]

Even More Silly and Irreverent SF Headcanons

Warning: This glorified shitpost contains a heavy dose of MLM (Morons loving Morons)

EDIT: So apparently in the Spanish Dub for SF Charlie's girlfriend is named Zoey and I made this post before that info became more well-known and prior I dubbed her as Susan....Zoey is a cute name OMG

This one time Charlie, Dj Spitz, Glep, Mr. Frog, Jennifer, Shrimp and one reluctant Alan all decided to spend one April Fools day split into street gangs competing to see who could prank the most people within 24 hours before everyone involved was tossed in the county jail until Pim and a pissed off Zoey had to bail them all out the morning after.

Simon S. Salty tried to bribe his way into the Pearly Gates of Heaven with coupons at his shoddy restaurant but God was so offended by the mere idea of eating his slop that he told St. Peter to press the big red button to open the trapdoor under Salty’s feet to H-E-double hockey sticks so he can go peddle his 2-bit McDonalds knock off to those who truly deserve it. Eat up Satan ya big red loser!!!

Pim is actually much stronger than he looks, he can open pickle jars with one turn of the wrist and he can carry Charlie over his head while running a mile without breaking a sweat (or his spine for that matter).

Charlie bamboozled the entire internet by editing The Mr. Frog Show wiki by adding fake episodes with a source that lead to the famous RickRoll video, only for everyone to read him the riot act when he accidentally exposed himself. Hah! That idiot.

One hot summer day Glep spat on the sidewalk and the spit droplet just sizzled and evaporated into steam….from that point onward Glep has been trying to convince his co-workers that he can literally spit fire and when trying to prove such a claim he spat into Charlie’s coffee.

Pim and Zoey had to bail Charlie out of jail once again for attempted murder (See the HC above for the reason why).

Mr Boss was cursed into turning into an owl beast in his sleep and he has to take a potion once a day to keep him normal, hence why he was freaking out at the end of S2E1.

Alan wears a skin-tight red jumpsuit under his neck and tie and underneath all that he has goofy-print boxers with a smiley face patch on the seat.

Pim is still friends with Jennifer even after the initial mix up when he introduced her to Shrimp. She gives him special “Thank You” coffee and treats in the house every year on her and Shrimp’s anniversary.

Smormu does makeup tutorials and travel vlogs on YouTube.

Charlie found out that Pim and Susan both crush on him and decided: “Why not?” Thus was the beginning of a beautiful polycule.

James what super jealous and was ready to reap his revenge until Charlie pulled a Saitama and punched James in the nose so hard that he whimpered away like a pitiable little biyatch!!

Glep, Pim and Smormu went to Miku Expo cosplaying as The Triple Baka Squad (Pim called dibs on Miku).

Alan attends Beatnik Poetry Night with Glep on the bongos.

Smormu started dating Dj Spitz and lemme tell ya he is VIOLENTLY protective of her, Whoever killed Canon!Smormu wouldn’t stand a chance against this guy.

[dmwrites]

(I am not sorry for this btw)

——

I woke up to my evil stepmom, Iskall85, throwing a potion of harming onto my bed.

“y/n! Wake up! You’re going to be late for school! Were you up late watching those stupid Minecraft YouTube videos again? You’re as useless as diorite! You are why I do hard drugs!” She left the room, and I sighed. Another boring day of my boring life. But I was going to be late for school if I didn’t get ready now.

I got up and put on my cutest outfit- my black suit. I threw my hair up into a messy bun, and stopped in front of the mirror to smooth down my mustache. I sighed. I was just y/n, no one special.

My evil stepmom Iskall85 was snorting redstone off the counter when I entered the kitchen. I sighed, because they were evil and wouldn’t even share their redstone dust with me, and grabbed a banana off the counter. There was a honk from outside.

"Bye, step-Iskall. I'm off to school." I said. My stepmom just flipped me off, and I went outside, sighing some more. I ran over to my bestie’s car and hoped in.

“Good morning Scar!”

“Goodness gracious, y/n, we’re gonna be late! Good thing the swaggon goes fast!” My bestie, Goodtimeswithscar said, slamming on the gas. Scar was super nice and popular, not to mention handsome, and everyone at school loved him. I would probably always be in his shadow, but at least he had taken me in as his friend.

“Sorry, I accidentally slept in. And my evil stepmom threw a potion of harming on me. Do I look okay? I only had time to put my hair up in a messy bun. And I bet my mustache looks atrocious!” I said.

“You look so good, y/n!” Scar said, blowing through a red light. “You’re so hard on yourself, you’re like the prettiest guy in school!”

“Whatever, that’s you you’re talking about.” I replied, but blushed a little.

The swaggon came screeching into the parking lot, and me and Scar got out, running to our science class.

Science class was usually a pretty good place to fix my hair and mustache, as the science we were assigned to do was always chaotic. Ms. ZombieCleo, and her assistant JoeHills, were kept pretty busy making sure no one accidentally created a toxic gas. Today, Docm77 and Rendog had been caught doing… something in the back of the classroom, and it gave me and Scar ample time to sort out ourselves.

“As I was saying, y/n, you have to stop being so hard on yourself!” Scar said, handing me a compact mirror and a mustache comb. “You get top grades, you’re great at redstone, and you always slay that suit!”

“I don’t know, Scar.” I said. “I just feel like I’m just some guy, you know? I’ll never catch anyone’s eye, or be prom queen.”

“Don’t be silly. I know you’re gonna achieve something great in this life, y/n.” Scar said earnestly.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and in came one of the secretaries, Geminitay.

“y/n to the principal’s office.” She said. She looked kind of worried.

Goodtimeswithscar gripped my arm. “Great Jellie, y/n, are you in trouble?”

“I don’t know.” I replied. “I can’t think of anything that I could have done.” But I stood up, grabbed my backpack, and followed Geminitay out the door. Ms. ZombieCleo and JoeHills didn’t notice me leave.

“Is everything okay?” I asked Gem.

“I- well- I’ll get the principal to explain it to you.” Gem said, and we walked in silence the rest of the way to the front office. I was so nervous.

“Hello, y/n.” My principal, Mr. Xisumavoid, waved me into his office when we arrived.

“Is everything okay, Mr. Void?” I asked him.

“Well, it is quite the situation.” Principal Xisumavoid said. “You see, your mom just called-”

“Step mom.” I corrected him.

“Right, step mom.” Principal Xisumavoid said. “Well, either way, she called to tell us that she has sold you to someone else so she could buy more redstone and potions.”

I gasped. “What? She sold me? To who?” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t believe my stepmom had sold me!

Principal Xisuma looked down at the paper in front of him. “Ah, to a person called Grian.”

“Wait, what? You mean the famous youtuber Grian from Minecraft?” I gasped.

“Yep. That’s me. Grian from Minecraft!”

I turned around to find Grian standing at the door to Principal Xisumavoid’s office. It was really him! With his waffle-looking hair and beady black eyes and red sweater, there was no mistaking him.

“y/n, when I saw that your evil stepmom put you up for sale on Facebook marketplace, I knew I had to do something! Don’t worry, y/n, I am very famous and rich. We will be best friends. And I must say, your moustache looks lovely.”

I gasped and blushed, my tears drying. Famous youtuber Grian complementing me? y/n? Suddenly, I knew my life was about to get a whole lot crazier.

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

Absolutely loathe this quest design. You know, I do like Dragon Age: Inquisition. I like it a lot. But this is exactly why it can be so tedious and boring to play if you want to complete the maps to some larger degree. I'm not saying we can't have fetch quests in video games or that we should never run simple errands. It's a part of RPGs to the point we make fun of it in parodies, but it's not necessarily a bad thing to have in a video game. But there's so many of these in Inquisition where the premise is just too dumb. For a mature game, in particular.

My wife is dying! Quick! Find my son who is the only one that can make a potion that will save her life and who for some reason didn't think of leaving the recipe for it with us, even though my wife is obviously deathly allergic or something. In meantime, I will be standing around, not really doing anything, won't be taking care of my wife, either, and I'll wait for you to do it! Please, hurry!

Oh, my mom is dying? Get this potion to her, ASAP! What? I'm not going. I mean, I guess I'm worried, but I'm not THAT worried.

And the best boyfriend award goes to...

Hmm, I wonder when my girlfriend will finally arrive here in this isolated castle ruin, so we can be together? Surely she wouldn't encounter trouble on the road, travelling alone through an area THAT IS LITERALLY GOING THROUGH A WAR. Surely the thugs engaged in said war wouldn't bother a young lady. And she couldn't possibly be dead already... I mean, I'm not going to go and look for her or anything, but you know, I worry.

And last but not least, as far as the examples go anyway...

Well, my husband died, and I can't bring his ashes where he wanted them scattered, so I guess I'll just dump them here on the bench for some kind soul to do it for me. You know, there are thugs about, and the urn couldn't possibly hold the ashes long enough for me to wait until the situation calms down. I love my husband so much that I'll just leave his ashes behind like this for somebody to either fulfil his wish or, you know, smash the urn where it stands, because there are thugs about.

I get it. I get it's a massive game and they probably had to whip up a lot of small and easy quests to fill the overly large maps with SOMETHING, but the writing in these makes me feel like I'm playing something for babies sometimes.

Eh, look at me complaining about things a decade too late.

I really hope Veilguard doesn't do this silly shit.

[zedif-y]

hi!! hope you're having a good day! :D

as a zedaph Expert, i wanted to ask for your opinion on how you would characterise him? i feel like i have a vague idea on what he's like but putting it into words is hard...

it's okay if you don't answer btw!!

Hello! took me a bit to get to this ask, my bad! honestly, I struggle with writing his character as well, but I've accumulated some random notes over time that I think might be helpful :]

Notes under the cut, because it's long NDNDND

-his jokes tend to be very witty. his humor isn't sarcastic, he just Says stuff and then moves on. Scar said once that zed's the kind of person where you'll just think huh, yeah, that Is pretty funny! so sometimes his jokes are the kind where it takes a second for you to process it. they're also pretty Out There DKDNDKD

-noises. so many Noises.

-he likes to make jokes at his expense (ex: not having friends, wetting himself, i'm an idiot, etc etc)

(SIDE SHIPPY/CHARACTER RELATIONSHIP NOTE: between him and tango, tango would be the more openly "sentimental" one, in the sense that zed is more likely to make jokes about them not Actually being friends (one example is "we've been friends for too long" + the tango bit in the blockumentary video) despite the fact that Yes, Obviously they are close. I MEAN TANGO HAD AN ANSWER FOR THE "HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN FRIENDS" QUESTION)

(EXTRA EXTRA NOTE: he and tango have a very similar sense of humor. (kind of obvious but . still!) they also like to make fun of each other)

-zed's voice goes Down an octave after laughing too much + he gets teary-eyed from laughing pretty easily.

-not a character voice note, but! zed isnt a very confrontational fighter . he prefers using potions to weaken his opponent before attacking with his sword. that being said, if he knows he's screwed, he just straight up Runs.

-zed is able to remain more level-headed than tango when it comes to puzzles. where tango is very goal-focused and gets frustrated/confused when things don't work out the way he expects, zed tries to work through them step by step instead of trying to solve it in one go. (tango is better at logic puzzles and zed is better at more Visual ones, he needs a good mental image of things)

-he makes connections you really don't think of, most times. he also doesn't like doing things the Normal, Boring way, though if you watch at least one of his videos that becomes apparent Fast.

-despite his silliness, he's actually pretty damn smart!

-he's a pretty affectionate, touchy guy! (based off of when he met skizz for the first time irl<3)

[tsaritsa]

Congratulations on winning Nano!!! Any hot takes or unconventional tips on how to achieve a huuuge milestone like that in so little time?

Also, if you'd like to share, I'd love to hear more about the piece(s) you worked on during this year's event! Big yay if you want to tease us with a sneak peek as well. 🙂

Congratsss again!!!

ty!!!! i am afraid my tips might seem kind of obvious and not that much of a hot take but here's what worked for me:

writing sprints. do 10 min. do 17 min. do 30 min. whatever it is, just get words down on the page. after each sprint was finished i'd look at what i wrote, fix up the most glaring mistakes (espe if the words looked terrible. i've learned to live with a lot of spelling errors bc otherwise u waste too much time. during nano each day i'd prolly manage between 2-3 sprints -- usually enough to net me between 1000-1500 words each day. i wouldn't stop if i hit the daily total, i'd stop when i could feel the motivation waning. my lowest day was under 300 words, my biggest was just over 4000.

get a community. writing sucks alone. i feel very grateful that i've made some friends on here who were also trying to write regularly, so now there's 5 of us in a little discord i've made. we do sprints with each other and share lots of snippets, memes, pretty pictures etc. it keeps us excited about our own projects, but also allows us to cheerlead each other on.

get used to placeholders. i use TK. anytime there's a word i need but it's not on the tip of my tongue? TK my beloved. sometimes i'd write like she sighed in a TK kind of way, or like harry opens his mouth to argue about TK TK some work thing he's doing TK TK. it just keeps u in the pace of writing ur in, but allows for a few words to be spent writing down a piece that needs further expansion.

establish habits and goals. for me, it's stuff like trying to write the bulk of my writing with a nice candle lit, but also the silly stuff like putting on lippy so I feel like. Ready to do shit. have a few drinks avail. one to hydrate (ice cold) one to caffeinate (also ice cold). play music or sounds that will help u get into the zone without overly distracting. now that i've won it i'm gonna treat myself to some silly purchases as well bc i should reward myself for such hard work and dedication. i'm thinking a v comfy hoodie.

overall if i didn't have the community i had this month i think my external motivation would've been lost quickly, so find friends to yell at about ur project. watch yt videos about ppl doing writing! make posts and don't give a flying fuck about being cringe or not suiting ut 'aesthetic'. this is u. do it for U.

in terms of this project: the short version is hermione goes back to hogwarts post book 7 and has to slowly begin to recover from/learn to live with the PTSD she's gained. alas, draco is also back and she's gotta learn to make peace with the fact that he's allowed to want to change and that he's making small steps to become a better person than who he was. they're gonna kiss and be disgusting with each other. ultimately this is a story about hermione's journey, as the whole thing is written from her perspective, so although the dhr aspect is there, there are also other important relationships i want to focus on -- especially her and harry.

i'm ignoring/expanding on a lot of canon, and using some details from the movies i prefer over the books (namely her mudblood scar bc mmmmm parallels). i don't really know if anybody is in character but i don't care! this is my story and i'll do it how i see fit haha.

the following excerpt comes from late sept in the current draft. at this point dhr has been forced together a few times already. draco has surreptitiously managed to drug slughorn with a potion of his (slughorn's) own making during their potions class bc the potions professor was spending an entire lesson just showing off instead of. u know. teaching.

[your-fave-adopted-you]

MC turn into Child and hug Trein like his reaction made him recall his children

oh god what a cute idea!

Guardian! Mozus Trein reacts to MC that has turned into a child

Characters : Mozus Trein , mentions of Pomefiore students

Gn pronouns were used.

Context : (y/n) has been one of the top students in potionology class since they started attending the NRC. There was something very comforting about being able to excel at something that didn't really require the student to have magic abilities of their own.

It also helped that your partner in that class was a Pomefiore student, as they tend to have better grades on this subject.

For today's class, you and your partner had to make an anti-aging potion.

There's a very high demand for those in the market, so it makes sense that they would teach you how to make them.

As you stirred the mix, you noticed that it was changing colors...

Pink. It turned pink.

Huh?

Crewel said that it should turn dark purple... wait, why is it bubbling?!

As the bell rings, not many people notice neither the tiny explosion nor your entire face covered in pink goo.

your partner can't help but laugh at your face, what a silly view!

the laughter turns into dead silence when, in a matter of two minutes,

your clothes can't fit you anymore, your eyes are bigger than ever, and you're not much taller than Grim.

lucky you, there's no one else in the room with you two, since it's lunch break.

Afraid of being scolded by Crewel, your partner brings you to his dorm in hopes of fixing you.

How. The hell. Did you do this.

Even Vil has NO IDEA of how to turn you back to normal.

One of the leech brothers also has a reputation of being quite skilled on this subject but by common sense they won't let him near you.

Meanwhile your guardian has been looking for you all day.

Mr.Trein believes that letting you be independent is the best thing for you.

You two barley see each other outside of class, he's always buried in work and you're always studying hard to keep up with everyone.

BUT today at lunch you didn't send him the usual 3-5 funny cat videos

so he knows something's up.

Fortunately for everyone, Rook knew what your password was, for like, everything.

don't ask.

but seriously why would you use the same password with little to no variations for literally EVERYTHING

he unlocks your phone.

he's an EmPatH 🥺🤪 so he tells your old man about the situation via text.

He just knows Mr.Trein could be very worried about you for not replying.

Also, if even Vil can't do anything about your state, then it's better to call an actual adult.

Mr.Trein goes to the dorm, just to find Epel playing games with you. Several half eaten apples laying by your side.

God. you're tiny.

He thanks them for telling him about the situation, Vil apologizes for not being able to do anything.

Then, he picks you up.

you hug him, with all the strength that your little arms can provide.

And for just a moment, time stops.

Or maybe it's just him recalling a memory. A very distant one.

it's an odd feeling, isn't it? they way one thinks that some things just fade away forever.

but it feels just like when he was holding his (now grown) children.

everyone in the room could swear for the great seven, that for a fraction of a moment, the look in his eyes...

it made it seem you were the only thing that mattered in the world. the most beautiful, wonderful being of all.

Rook may be crying

He and Epel escorted you two to the mirror.

A few hours pass and the effects of the potion finally fade for good.

you wake up in your dorm room. And sitting in the armchair besides you is your old man, fast asleep, with a book in his hands.

"The princess who could talk to mice"

[mycupofrum]

@gracelesslady23 you sent me this ask a while ago and I was just about to reply but Tumblr glitched and the whole ask disappeared! Anyway, I had saved it elsewhere so no harm done.

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! ❤️

Thanks for the ask! Sorry it’s taken so long to reply! I wanted to finish some WIPs first so I could talk about them. 😊 These are in no particular order.

Practice makes perfect

I could not stop laughing when writing this. I wanted to make it a story where James and Sirius are awkward and silly and blunt and don’t really know what they are doing half the time (well Sirius has a bit of a better grasp of it 🤭), but the hormones and absolute terror and magnitude of having a crush on your best friend is so overpowering that someone has to make the first move eventually. Also, it’s ok to make mistakes like accidentally do a test run on your crush’s baby brother before winning the actual prize. Yeah, it’s a thin plot but it got me over writer’s block and made me smile so much. Prongsfoot bj’s is always a treat to write. They can’t help wanting each other.

Enchanted

My original inspiration for this story was Enchanted by Taylor Swift. I couldn’t let go of the lyrics ”Please don’t be in love with someone else. Please don’t have somebody waiting on you.” Then I saw the T. Swift music video for Bejeweled where they have Enchanted playing at the beginning. The video has a Cinderella theme, hence the AU for this story. I also watched the Cinderella movie for some more inspiration. I’d been thinking about a fairytale Prongsfoot story anyway and this just worked. I really wanted to make Sirius a prince, and it was so interesting giving James a different background and trying to think how that would change his character. I also wanted to make it as romantic as possible. The amount of fluff almost made me uncomfortable but I needed to test my limits. There’s some spice in there too because…this is Prongsfoot. They get like that about each other. 😄

A lesson in love

I knew I wanted to write an Amortentia fic but I had no idea how to go about it. At first it seems like a fun trope but essentially presents the whole dubcon issue which I didn’t want to be a thing in this story. Then I thought, what if they react differently to the potion because they are Animagi? So, I went with that thought. I loved writing this and creating all the pining and tension between them. <3

Specialised in you

It started as a funny thought of James being so sure he’s straight that wanting to have sex with Sirius was nothing but a little bit inconvenient in the grand scheme of things, and that could be dealt with Polyjuice potion and in a totally ”straight” way. That was going to be that. A silly, funny, smutty story. 11k words later I had a whole wartime Prongsfoot hurt/comfort fic in my hands. I don’t know what happened. (I do know what happened. James Potter happened.) Writing this was so much fun but also sad and everything in between. I didn’t think I’d be writing actual duelling and stuff but there we are.

Payback

Sometimes you just have to write shameless Prongsfoot smut. Basically this story exists because I needed an outlet for my Eurovision frustration. I felt a little better after getting it out of my system. James and Sirius also felt much better afterwards. I like their whole revenge mood.

[teawinx]

I'm going to have a lot of hate for this but it had to be said and it was said

me:

Neither of them are the perfect protagonists and instead of blaming each of them they should realize who is responsible for the lack of communication and teachings in their relationship

I agree

This is now an anti-Fu page Mans has ruined Hawaiian shirts for everyone forever

(Warning, long post)

Jokes aside, it's easy to pin the blame on one or more characters for the shortcomings of a show, but it's really all down to the writing.

I've joked that Fu could be removed and very little would change, but it's true. All the exposition and potions could be handled by the Kwamis, and there's no real reason why LB and CN couldn't just summon the other Miraculous because they're the sacred duo.

To me, Fu just feels like they desperately wanted to include a "wise old mentor" character without properly considering the choice. It's just derivative of other media (Harry Porker, Star Wars, LOTR, TMNT, Kung Fu Panda etc), shoving Fu in because you HAVE to have a mentor character right?

And it sucks because I think Fu's character does help the story in a small way. I like that the heroes aren't special chosen ones. Anyone could wear the earrings or the ring, it all depends on what kind of person they are. The kwamis didn't choose their holders. (Piss off, Kwami's Choice) So in that regard, I think Fu works. But then, besides Feast, they proceeded to do nothing with him and then didn't have the balls to kill him off.

At the end of the day, Fu is still the worst. He picks two literal children to do his bidding after doing nothing for over 100 years, while having access to all the other Miraculous, which is includes the TIME TRAVEL Miraculous. Doesn't do any background checks on these two children, so doesn't know if they'd be able to drop what they're doing at any time and go save Paris. Proceeds to only "train" one of the two heroes, and treats meeting him like a privilege they have to earn. I think they "earned" the right to meet him the moment he picked them to fix his mistakes. Barely properly trains Marinette (or it's all off-screen) and just ignores Adrien. Then when his own identity is at risk, he confiscates the Miraculous and proceeds to run away, leaving Paris at risk with 0 defenders. But at the end of the day, he's meant to be viewed as a wise martyr who just made a couple silly mistakes, and can now go live a carefree life despite doing fuck all to make amends for what he's done.

If you want a story about a disgraced mentor who's fucked up bad but then makes amends and grows from it AND is super entertaining? Just watch Rise Of The TMNT's Splinter. He's fantastic.

Fu rant aside, the true villain is of course the writing

In the hands of a good writer, Marinette and Adrien could be gold standard protagonists, I can feel it in my bones. But the show's... interesting (derogation) writing choices prevent them from living up to their true potential.

If you have the time, I recommend everyone take a look at this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfSszhlZVoU

How to alienate your audience. It's a very good video and super helpful for learning about writing. The short version is: A good writer presents a character without telling you how to feel about them. If you treat your audience like morons, lecturing them about how to feel about a character, you've failed as a writer.

And that's one of ML's biggest failings. It doesn't want you to have a nuanced viewing experience. It's either "Character X is good" or "Character Y is bad". Despite Fu being the fucking worst, the show bends over backwards to go "No no he's a amazing person. His not death is really tragic, be sad about it damnit!" Ladybug and Chat Noir can't be upset at Fu for his failings. Adrien can't get angry at him for neglecting him (but can then get mad at Ladybug for the same thing despite her NOT neglecting him. Fuck you, Kuro Neko) Marinette can't be upset at Fu for basically hijacking her life by choosing her to be Ladybug and then the Guardian The only character who's been angry at Fu is Su Han, but he's then "well actually"-ed into letting the issue go.

Fu gets to become a "tragic" character who just wants to be with his one true love. Ok, then use Time Travel to fix your mistake. Or unify the Ladybug and Black Cat to fix your mistake. Or use a power pulled outta the Rooster's ass to fix your mistake. And he doesn't have the excuse of "The Guardian can't use the Miraculous" because Ladybug and Jade Turtle are right there. I'm not gonna feel sympathetic for the guy who sat around, did nothing, ran away and then made Marinette do all the work for him. Am I talking about Fu or Adrien? We may never know.

Rant done.

[dramioneficrecommendations]

Best Draco/Hermione Fics Dramione Shippers Read in 2020

A few days ago, I asked you what were the best Dramione fics you'd read in 2020. Here's the huge list of your excellent recs (in alphabetical order):

A Creature Most Unusual by JMilz: Draco Malfoy is on a mission. Unfortunately, Hermione Granger catches him in the act. When she sees that he has adopted a rather unusual magical creature, she becomes determined to make sure he takes care of it. Little does she know, the animal may hold her key to eternal glory . . . and a whirlwind romance. M, 9 Chapters, 24,460 Words

A Little More Alive, Far Less Lost by MGL_Dramione_Lover: After Draco's post-war trial, he finds himself attending his 8th year at Hogwarts with Hermione. As remorse and acceptance replace anger and hate, the old enemies begin a friendship that sparks into much more than they ever hoped for. Hermione's goal as Head Girl is to banish old prejudices and unite the school while Draco's only wish is to become a man worthy of her love. M, 22 Chapters, 84,823

A New Light by mithrilstarlight: Draco spent six years doing his best to keep his head down. Then he runs into Hermione Granger. Turns out, they actually have a lot in common.Chapters posted M/W/F. T, 18 Chapters, 33,876 Words

A Second Look by RiverWriter: Her best friend's life was a mess and she would have done anything to make things better for him and his sons. So, when she found her former enemy in a similar situation her heart went out to him as well... and the beautiful blond baby in his arms didn't hurt his case. It was certainly enough for her to give him a second look. M, 30 Chapters, 127,243 Words

All that is Rare by smithandbarrowman: In the wizarding world, it has long been assumed that men are Alphas and women are Omegas. However, when Hermione Granger discovers that assumptions are rarely factual, her status as one of only a handful of female alphas that has ever existed has men falling at her feet.But there’s only one man she wants, and like the male alphas before her, the hunt is on until he bears her mark. E, 31 Chapters, 119,755 Words

All the Wrong Things by LovesBitca8: Sequel to "The Right Thing to Do" - Draco's POV. Part 2 of the "Rights and Wrongs" series. E, 24 Chapters, 160,297 Words

All You Want by senlinyu: Eighth Year at Hogwarts was supposed to be Hermione’s. And it is, just not in the way she expects. Omegaverse fic. E, 36 Chapters, 172,651

apples & cream by LovesBitca8: She could have taken her things and gone through his Floo without a word. She could have ignored him on Monday morning, as though last night had been no more than a fever dream and too much Firewhisky. But she’d come back to bed. Inspired by the lovely NikitaJuice's "apples & cream." E, 1 Chapter, 1,426 Words

Beginning and End by mightbewriting: Years. Broken into months into weeks into days—into hours, minutes, seconds—into moments. Simple at one end, complex at the other. In Draco’s experience, moments, even when simple, had a habit of becoming irretrievable. Moments grew, stretched, multiplied into ages and eras that defined whole stretches of measurable time. Draco regretted several moments in his life, some within his control, some without: all of them irretrievable in nature. At a certain point, wedged between ‘what-ifs’ of his own devising, he’d stopped trying to keep track of those regrettable moments: now and then, pushing and pulling, coming and going, beginning and end. Moments were only moments for just as long. After that, he had no control. A Draco POV prequel to Wait and Hope. E, 48 Chapters, 242,100 Words

Bells on a Hill by HeyJude19: Left by his fiancée a month before the ceremony, Draco never got his dream wedding, so agreeing to assist Granger with her own wedding planning to distract himself from his broken engagement seems like a great idea—though Draco probably shouldn't fall in love with the bride-to-be. Based very (very) loosely on The Wedding Singer. T, WIP

Bending Light by scullymurphy: Draco Malfoy was in exile, though they called it protection. It was the summer after sixth year and he'd taken Dumbledore's offer, defected to the other side and been sent away to a small town in Italy for his troubles. No magic, few rules, and not a lot to do - until Hermione Granger showed up. M, WIP

Break for me by Ada_P_Rix: COMPLETE _______________ "-I told them this wouldn’t work.” He cut in through gritted teeth as he kept his eyes on Hermione, making her pulse quicken and she couldn’t help but clench her thighs together at the rough, husky tone of his voice. He didn’t miss it; his eyes landed on her thighs and they darkened even further. “I can’t help her when all I feel like I want to do is pin her down and fuck her into the mattress.” _______________ Hermione gets into a little accident at work and is infected with a hybrid potion created to cause certain heightened side effects. Draco offers to stick around to give his work partner a little support ... if he can Occlude long enough to resist her... E, 7 Chapters, 45,107 Words

Breath Mints / Battle Scars by Onyx_and_Elm: For a moment, she's almost giddy. Because Draco Malfoy's been ruined by this war and he's as out of place as she is and — yes, he has scars too. He's got an even bigger one. She wonders whether one day they'll compare sizes. E, 51 Chapters, 148,908 Words

Bring Him to His Knees by Musyc: Draco is on the case of a murderer, but to investigate, he needs a fake relationship - and a kink club play partner. When Hermione volunteers to take the role, both do their best to maintain the lie without letting each other know the truth: neither of them are acting. E, WIP

Calendar Boys by anne_ammons, Nadiapolyakova (Rijaya83): She had thrown out the idea on a lark, but now Hermione Granger was tasked with bringing the charity calendar to life. What was one more thing on her list? An art/writing collaboration between nadiapolyakova and anne_ammons - twelve photos and a piece of the story behind them. M, WIP

Cherry Mint by dirtymudblood: "He could smell her. Even multiple train cars away, he could smell her. Except, Draco didn’t know who she was. He ignored his natural instincts to pant like a dog and follow the scent to the omega in the beginning stages of heat. Instead he willed himself to rub his knuckles against the rough wood of the table in front of him." E, 27 Chapters, 58,081 Words

Dark Water and Dying Eyebrights by bexchan: One of them is desperately trying to remember their past while the other is forever trying to escape theirs. It's seven years after the war and Draco has managed to avoid almost everyone from Hogwarts, living a lonely life on a small island, far away from the wizarding community. But a familiar face in a cafe window capsizes his world into chaos. Dramione. EWE. Memory fic. M, WIP

Difficult by provocative envy: COMPLETE: "I should," I repeated. "But I don't want to." And then he smiled, and I was wrecked. HG/DM. M, 30 Chapters, 87,041 Words

Don't Look Back by Onyx_and_Elm: It’s the smell of it. Chemical. Bitter and sharp as a raw edge on metal. Just a hint of it as she passes him at breakfast — but enough to stop her dead, mid-step. There is Wolfsbane in his tea. E, WIP

Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time by monsterleadmehome: She scoffs. “If you must know, he ‘elected’ me because he thinks our shared animosity will keep you in check. He’s also not worried about you trying to shag me as a distraction.” He leans back, stubbing out his cigarette on the banister. His eyes rove over her from crown to toe and back. She lifts her chin and tries not to shiver. “Well, he’s right about that.” Lucius Malfoy hires Hermione Granger to whip his son into shape so he can find a pure-blood bride and receive his inheritance. What could go wrong? E, 10 Chapters, 48,092 Words

Draco's Gift by TriDogMom: Draco gives Hermione a gift because of an instructional YouTube video. M, 1 Chapter, 1,705 Words

Dragon in the Dark by GracefulLioness: The battle is won, Voldemort is dead, but the war is far from over. In the new Death Eater regime, Draco Malfoy does what he must to survive and keep his mother safe. Now a highly trained assassin, Draco has learned to think of his targets as inhuman beings, but when he is tasked with killing someone from his past, he can no longer hide from the horrors of the world around him. E, 31 Chapters, 164,782 Words

For a Present Under the Tree by grace_lou_freebush: When Draco and Hermione eloped, the Wizarding World turned against them. Hermione is stuck in a low level, low paying Ministry job with no hope of upward movement. Draco can't even convince someone to hire him. Now, it's Christmas, and Draco knows Hermione deserves the world - or at the least a Christmas gift. He finds the perfect hair comb to replace the horrid Muggle brush she's been making due with, and he'll do anything to afford the paltry present so he can have something to put under the Christmas tree for his wife. Making a beeline for the jewelry box containing the hair combs, Draco rifled through them, landing on an ivory comb with queen anne rose carvings and gold filigree detailing. He brought it to the startled shopkeeper and set it down gently. Pulling his sixth generation Malfoy heirloom pocket watch from his coat, he shoved it in the wizard's face without second guessing himself. "I would like to make an exchange." E, 1 Chapter, 10,141 Words

Fortuitous by MrsRen: Recently divorced Draco doesn't believe in the ideology of having one true love. He certainly doesn't expect to meet his match in a Halloween themed coffee shop, but fate has a peculiar way of giving you just what you need. M, 13 Chapters, 93,695 Words

Fuck, Marry, Avada by Lilian_Silver: Some years after the war, the gang meets up at the Leaky to play a silly game, with very real consequences. E, 1 Chapter, 3,106 Words

Give Me An Hour by RZZMG: As the war continues to rage on around them, Hermione Granger decides to seduce fellow Order Member, Draco Malfoy, one night while at Grimmauld Place... and everything between them changes after that. Fic follows the "five times" trope, and is dedicated to raspberryjukebox. One-shot. A/U-Extended War scenario. Dramione. Drama-Romance-Hot Shag! COMPLETE! M, 1 Chapter, 3,251 Words

Good Girl by arabellaleyes: Hermione is tired of their normal routine in the bedroom. What will happen when she asks Draco to spice things up? One-shot. Complete. M, 1 Chapter, 9,000 Words

Hindsight by floorcoaster: It's a New Year and Hermione decides it's time to make some changes. T, 12 Chapters, 167,694 Words

How to Love Thy Neighbour by WhatSoMalfoy: After her relationship with Ron falls apart, Hermione attempts to juggle a personal muggle life with a professional wizarding one. After encountering her high school nemesis in the most unlikely place, Hermione adds another ball to the juggling mix. M, 14 Chapters, 41,992 Words

How to Move On by longdistance: It's been nearly a decade since the war. A long time since she locked herself away. A long time since he faced his mistakes. She's what he wants. He's what she needs. It's time for both of them to figure out how to move on. M, WIP

Hydrotherapy by eilonwy: Draco finds a trip to the showers after playing Quidditch... enlightening. E, 2 Chapters, 7,163 Words

I Choose You by melanoradrood: At the end of Fifth Year, Hermione finds out why It is that none have approached her with a Marital Contract, the only way she can remain in the Wizarding World after Graduation. It has already been signed by her Magical Guardian, someone she has never met - she is to be the next Lady Malfoy. A year and a half later, she is a married witch, but still, Draco Malfoy, who had chosen her above all others, had not spoken of it. In fact, they barely spoke at all. And when trouble heads their way, Hermione means to change that. Really, she means to change a lot of things. E, 5 Chapters, 24,527 Words

Isolation by Bex-chan: He can't leave the room. Her room. And it's all the Order's fault. Confined to a small space with only the Mudblood for company, something's going to give. Maybe his sanity. Maybe not. "There," she spat. "Now your Blood's filthy too!" DM/HG. PostHBP. Now complete with epilogue. M, 49 Chapters, 284,050 Words

It Happened in Egypt by bionically: Wandless in Egypt: Draco's stranded in Egypt, but luckily, there's a Granger in sight. Now, if only he could be prevented from strangling her. Fun times abroad: It was supposed to be a leisurely solo trip down the Nile. Hermione didn't factor in one blond man from her past and all his drama. Then, of course, there's the fact that everyone's after him. Much hilarity ensues. Maybe. *** A rom-com adventure/mystery featuring two unwilling partners on the run from Lucius Malfoy, alien-hunters, Muggle police, and local wizards engaged in a civil war. T, WIP

Love and Other Misfortunes by senlinyu: Draco Malfoy is dying. He's part-Veela and needs his mate to survive. Post-war, Hermione Granger is a workaholic, up to her eyeballs in legal activism on behalf of Magical Beings, and hasn't yet noticed that Malfoy is the Magical Being who needs her most. “Because I don’t want to be saved by you just because you feel like you have to.” He was properly furious now. “I’m in love with you." Hermione stared at him. She knew but somehow hearing him say it made the air shimmer with magic. "I’m in love with you,” he said again, despairingly. “And that means I want you to be as happy as you possibly can. And you won’t be, not with me.” M, 23 Chapters, 98,584 Words 

Manacled by senlinyu: Harry Potter is dead. In the aftermath of the war, in order to strengthen the might of the magical world, Voldemort enacts a repopulation effort. Hermione Granger has an Order secret, lost but hidden in her mind, so she is sent as an enslaved surrogate to the High Reeve until her mind can be cracked.Now illustrated by Avendell. E, 77 Chapters, 370,473 Words

Measure Of A Man by inadaze22: To truly know someone is to differentiate between who they once were, who they are now, and who they're capable of being. Hermione realises the duality of one man as she rectifies what she knows of the past and begins to understand the pieces of who Draco Malfoy is now: a father, a son, and a man. E, WIP

Meet the Malfoys by raven_maiden: 4 Works, 21, 442 Words

of flavoured names and coloured sounds by Pink Panda (Ejacyeolation): "He doesn’t question it at first, the fact that sounds have colours and words have flavours. He grows up with it, grows up seeing powerful ruptures of colour when his mother plays the piano and softer, translucent bursts when the people around him speak. His father’s voice fills his vision with sombre oranges and lilacs while his mother’s is a pleasant mix of delicate greens, blues, and greys. The word father tastes like wet wood and the word mother tastes like the pumpkin juice the house-elves frequently serve him."In which Draco just wants to know what colour Hermione's moans would be. He also wants to know if her skin would taste as sweet as her surname or maybe as intoxicating as her given name. E, 2 Chapters, 10,351

Once Upon a Night by longdistance: One night will change everything. M, 17 Chapters, 57,444 Words

One and Done by PacificRimbaud: Hermione Granger has a career she loves, friends she can depend on, and a nice set of hand towels for her new flat. She's single and tired of tiresome men, but that doesn't stop her from wearing beautiful lingerie underneath her serious Ministry skirts. Or having pictures taken in naughty knickers. Just once. For herself. Draco Malfoy doesn't get upset at the sight of blood, which is good, because he sees a lot of it. What he doesn't see a lot of is Hermione Granger in her unmentionables. Usually. A series of meetings and mix-ups in which one cannot possibly mean done. E, 4 Chapters, 35,011 Words

Our shared silence by Vofastudum: She wakes up one morning and everyone is just gone, vanished like they never existed at all. Everyone but Him. And in this silent solitude, he's all she has. Hermione and Draco alone in empty castle. Mystery and a plot twist you didn't see coming! EDITED 10/2020 M, 17 Chapters, 40,149 Words

Pinned by bionically: Draco doesn't know what he's expecting when he follows Blaise down a dark alley, but it certainly isn't this. For a man with an addictive personality, this isn't going to turn out well. Assigned trope: Voyeurism *** Or, a chance encounter with a frizzy-haired witch from his misbegotten past in the last place anyone should have expected to see her sets Draco's disordered life on its ear. The path to redemption is truly paved with unexpected surprises. E, 20 Chapters, 110,886 Words

Really Sell It by RoseHarperMaxwell: Draco's having a rough eighth year, and Hermione's going to make it better for him. "Well, it’s clear what needs to happen.” She gripped his chin, tilting his head to make sure she hadn’t missed any injuries, before looking straight into his eyes. “You’re my boyfriend now.” *Featuring fake dating, exhibitionism, and sex-positive Hermione Granger. Submission for Farewell to Summer: The 31 Flavors of Smut Fest. E, 1 Chapters, 7,612 Words

Remain Nameless by HeyJude19: How did it feel? It felt like he was barely holding it together. She, of all people, should shun him. Or yell at him. Curse him. Spit at him. Take out her wand and blast him off the face of the earth. It was crushing guilt and relief and confusion all at once when he looked at Hermione Granger. The monotony of Draco’s daily routine had become both a lifeline and a noose. But this new habit of grabbing coffee with Hermione Granger is quickly becoming a reason to get out of bed and is unfortunately forcing him to re-evaluate his inconsequential existence. Hermione is living her life in fragments, separate pieces scattered about, and she can’t find a way to step back and let the full picture form. Why are morning meetings with Draco Malfoy the only thing that make sense anymore? E, 51 Chapters, 312,315 Words

Remember Us As War (but call us forgiveness) by Anyaparadox: Following the devastation of the Battle of Hogwarts, The Wizarding Population Growth Act is put into effect. All witches and wizards will be matched with their most compatible partner. Failure to comply will not be tolerated. Survival is key. Hermione reminds herself of this. Survival. She can fix this, if only she can survive. The war has made this a task she is equipped for. Marrying Draco Malfoy will hardly be the worst thing she's ever endured. M, WIP

Ring A Ring O' Roses by Gallivant: Dark Magic, Dark Wizards and a mysterious and deadly Dark Flux, which, in the wrong hands, has the terrifying potential to mass-murder Muggles and Muggle-borns ... It’s been fourteen years since the end of the Second Wizarding War and the Wizarding World is settled, stable and seemingly safe… Hermione Weasley has it all: a loving family, a successful career - and happiness… of sorts. But a series of unexpected events is about to turn her life upside-down, threatening those she loves, fatally undermining the peace between worlds that has prevailed for centuries … changing life as she knows it, possibly forever. If working with Draco Malfoy was the last thing Hermione Weasley ever wanted, falling for your enemy was the least expected. A quest to thwart a magical weapon of mass destruction has devastating consequences. A race to save the world, becomes a race to save themselves… M, 65 Chapters, 527,141 Chapters

Set Fire to the Rain by HarleyQuinn1317: What happens when the one you're destined for is the last person you should ever be with... When the Ministry of Magic asks for volunteers for their Marriage Initiative, Hermione Granger must come to terms with the one terrible deed she committed during the Second Wizarding War. Can she find it in her heart to forgive herself and finally learn to let love in? E, WIP

Sex and Occlumency by Graendoll: Hermione didn't escape from the war unscathed, and when she finally decides on a solution to her problems she's left to explore it on her own. A chance encounter with Draco Malfoy sets her world on it's head and leads her down a path towards healing that she would never have anticipated. E, 18 Chapters, 65,079 Words

The Art of Seating Etiquette by inadaze22: Hermione believes that every problem has a solution, and that solution can be found in a book. That is, until Draco starts sitting to her right every Friday. She has no answers until help comes in the form of an unlikely source: Ron Weasley. E, 1 Chapter, 9,734 Words

The Auction by LovesBitca8: In the wake of the Dark Lord’s triumph over Harry Potter, the defeated must learn their new place. Hermione Granger, former Golden Girl, has been captured and reduced to human chattel. Sold to the highest bidder as the top prize at an auction of Order members and sympathizers, she is thrust into the rabid, waiting hands of the Death Eaters. But despite the horrors of Voldemort’s new world, help—and hope—seem to arise from the most unlikely of places. PART 3 of the RIGHTS AND WRONGS series. E, 41 Chapters, 325,702 Words

The Binding by Curly_Kay: “Okay, what we know so far.” Hermione listed, "One, our magic is drawing us together. Two, we can use each other’s wands. Three, there were actual sparks when you touched me."After an infant binding ritual magically joins Hermione and Draco to counteract the Black family blood curse, they must navigate the secret binding through their years together at Hogwarts. E, 35 Chapters, 175,451 Words

The Carnal Club by Ada_P_Rix: COMPLETE The Halloween Ball is fast approaching with Hermione at the helm.... What a delightful time to suddenly learn of a centuries old secret sex-game club that is currently ran by a Blonde haired Slytherin. Oh, and it only happens once a year every October, when the winner takes all at the Halloween Ball ...The First Rule of Carnal Club: You do not talk about Carnal Club. E, 8 Chapters, 43,306 Words

The Disappearances of Draco Malfoy by Speechwriter (batmansymbol): The night that Harry and Dumbledore return from the cave, the Death Eaters are delayed from reaching the top of the Astronomy Tower for one more minute. Draco Malfoy lowers his wand. A Deathly Hallows rewrite in which Draco accepts Dumbledore's offer to fake his death and go into hiding with the Order of the Phoenix. T, WIP

The Erised Effect by Ada_P_Rix: Hermione and Pansy work in a shop together. Draco, Harry, Theo and Blaise all work together at the Ministry. They all meet up every Friday at the pub to have drinks. Pansy has a new fantasy potion that she likes to call 'The Erised Effect' that she's keen to try out on willing participants ... Boys are so easy to manipulate when alcohol is involved .... E, 13 Chapters, 88,852 Words

The Fallout by everythursday: Hermione learns about growing up through the redemption of Draco Malfoy. E, 49 Chapters, 310,229 Words

The Figures of Figuring Out by Vofastudum: You were the biggest riddle in my life. You were the one I couldn't figure out. You were the only thing I couldn't find a pattern to. You were something I couldn't look up from any book. Unwritten, with no instructions. And I was used to finding solutions! Post-war eight-year secret romance. Edited 12/2020 M, 13 Chapters, 26,951 Words

The Flat in Bath by Ada_P_Rix: Loosely inspired by 365 Days...-- Malfoy grabbed her chin, forcing her to look directly at him. “Don’t you dare, Granger...” He told her roughly as his intense gaze bored into her own. “I fucking forbid you to come until I’ve had enough of you...” Draco caught her cheeks now between the fingers of his free hand and then snapped her head to the side and licked her earlobe, trailing down to her jawline. “...one flutter of those delicious walls of yours and you’re going to wish you never opened your legs for me.” -- __________________ Hermione is kidnapped during a raid and taken captive by someone who doesn't plan on 'torturing' her in the conventional way... E, WIP

The Gloriana Set by ThebeMoon: The War is won, and Hermione Granger is back at Hogwarts as an “Eighth Year”, feeling reckless and determined to shed her prim bookworm persona. She will do as she pleases, and anyone who doesn’t like it will see the business end of her wand. Also returning is Draco Malfoy, universally hated but determined to restore his family’s name. Hermione’s hopes for a quiet school year are quickly dashed as she contends with mischievous First Years, killer plants, enchanted hair accessories, a totally inappropriate Moaning Myrtle, renegade Death Eaters, a nice vampire, a poorly named study group, a depraved party, and mysterious, threatening blood messages on the castle walls. We have redemption, partial redemption and (sadly or hilariously) no redemption at all. Throw in a snarky, disturbingly attractive Draco with his own secret agenda, and we have a very slow-burn Dramione with a side of who-dun-it. COMPLETE! M, 81 Chapters, 271,830 Words

The Library of Alexandria by senlinyu: The Library of Alexandria is not for just any witch or wizard. Many bookworms may try but few are permitted to pass through its doors. The books residing there are ancient and powerful and, if one happens to make a mistake, the consequences can be rather—novel. E, 6 Chapters, 26,383 Words

The List by AureliaBlack90: After her divorce, Hermione decides to get out of town to recover from the pain of her lost relationship and the miscarriage she suffered a year previously. She arrives in the Cotswolds depressed and aimless but compiles a list of things to do that she hopes will help her get back on her feet. In the midst of her journey to find healing she keeps running into Draco Malfoy, who is nothing like she remembered him. He invites her into his world, and Hermione finds exactly what she was looking for - in the place she least expected it. E, 10 Chapters, 70,526 Words

The Manuscript by alexandra_emerson: Five 1/2 years after the war, in the middle of a big fight with Draco, Hermione finds a manuscript. It’s a retelling of her and Draco’s love story, written by him. She never realized how much he was struggling before she read his words. Snippet: I could spend my whole life apologizing to you Hermione, and it would never be enough. Post-war, angst-filled Dramione with a happy ending. M, 21 Chapters, 154,918 Words

The Memory of You by PotionChemist: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger fell in love against all odds, but there was one big problem — he was already married. Pressured, Hermione does something she promised herself she would never do again and erases their affair from his memory. Completely devastated, she avoids seeing Draco or the Malfoys at all costs. But is their love too strong? Are they inevitable? What will happen if he finds out about their previous relationship? E, WIP

The Mountain and The Sea by AlexisDanaan: Hermione Granger was perfectly happy with her life, her job as a Healer Trainee, her ugly cat and her cute little house in the countryside. And then Draco Malfoy had to go and mess that all up, typical git. Post-Hogwarts, EWE, OOC, creature!fic. E, 12 Chapters, 40,441 Words

The Nietzsche Classes by Beringae: The Ministry takes action against the remaining prejudice in the wizarding society and asks Hermione for help. “What do you want? Money? Power? Name your price, Granger. I’m not about to let pride get in my way when an Azkaban sentence is on the line.” M, 15 Chapters, 45,807 Words

The Phoenix Potion by FedonCiadale: Twenty years after the battle of Hogwarts.... Harry is head auror and is worried about cases where Muggleborn children meet with accidents, Ron is a famous Quidditch keeper. Both haven't talked to Hermione for ages and certainly not to her husband, Draco Malfoy. Narcissa Malfoy struggles with a curse, and Neville and Luna try to stay friends with all. The key to solving the problems may lie in the past, a time nobody really wants to revisit and some can't. T, 111 Chapters, 237,745 Words

The Potioneers by omnenomnom: They need each other unfortunately. Hermione has tricked Draco under her tutelage, arrogant attitude and all. But she would be simple to think he would accept it quietly. They have both have secrets to hide, old wounds better left to fester, and a world full of mermaids, dragons, and magic to explore. T, 53 Chapters, 196,559 Words

The Pretense by Colubrina: Voldemort died, but the Death Eaters live on. Hermione Granger traded herself to Draco Malfoy in exchange for safe passage for core Order members. Now he's pretending to love her, Narcissa is pretending to believe that, and Hermione is walking a tightrope behind enemy lines as she figures out what is going on. Unfortunately, people fall off tightropes. (no non-con) T, 50 Chapters, 108,164 Words

The Right Thing To Do by LovesBitca8: Hermione felt the pounding in her ears again. She would see him for the first time since the Great Hall, gaunt and stricken at the Slytherin table with his mother clutching his arm. She hadn't meant to look for him. Not in the corridors, not beneath the white sheets of the fallen, not on the way to the Chamber of Secrets with Ron, but she was a stupid girl. E, 36 Chapters, 174,911 Words

The Seven Year Witch by TheLastLynx: A boy and a girl have been meeting – coincidentally – for seven summers. While they pretty much hate one another most of the year, for those secret summer moments, they manage to see each other in a different light. But will that be enough to bring them together? A Dramione story about growing up and changing perspective, told along - and in-between - the lines of canon. M, WIP

Thirty Times Lucky by galfoy: "Granger, I can't hire you on any longer," Draco said. Hermione stared at him. Losing her job might actually mean losing the War, and she had to bargain, but there was literally nothing she had that he would want. Or was there? M, 2 Chapters, 7,128 Words

Traditions by raven_maiden: She straddled him slowly, still biting her lip, her hands on his shoulders. He held her hips tightly as he stared up at her. “So beautiful,” he whispered, and she flushed prettily, like she always did from his compliments. “You never need to hide from me.” ** Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy fell in love during the war. One year later, they're heading home for the holidays so he can finally meet her parents. There's just one teeny little problem: her parents think they're both Muggles. E, 14 Chapters, 68,767 Words

Waifs and Strays by Kyonomiko: War leaves a lot of orphans in its wake. Hermione is one, by her own hand, and she struggles with the realities of her situation. When she finds an orphaned familiar, it seems meant to be, giving and receiving comfort helping to heal her fractured heart. Unfortunately, the animal is actually a wizard, and he has his own issues. M, 31 Chapters, 118,152 Words

What You Think Is Right by icepower55: Six years after the war, Hermione parents are dying and her marriage to Draco is crumbling. Nothing seems logical in her life anymore. Her healer tells her to start writing about it, so she does, as a way to figure things out, and remind herself along the way. Hell is proximity without intimacy -Dante's Inferno M, WIP

When the Bell Tolls by everythursday: As a Dark revival begins to rise four years after the war, Hermione Granger is placed on the assignment of putting an end to them – and her first task is to recruit the Ministry's best hope and last option in the form of Draco Malfoy. E, 20 Chapters, 148,033 Words

Wreck by JMilz: Serving as Minister for Magic, Hermione Granger is finally at the peak of her career. With a beautiful family, a successful book, and the public on her side, her life should be a fairytale. Unfortunately, there is trouble in paradise, and when Draco Malfoy pays her a visit, she begins recalling their history and questioning her marriage. The reality is: every relationship is hard. M, 53 Chapters, 187,992 Words

Thanks to every person who contributed (I hope I've mentioned everyone. If not, let me know. 😊): @certified-arsehole @fedonciadale kiwim22 @really-sad-devil-guy endless-musings @headfullofnargles @pinksunsets-world @rosseliz01 @dramioneden @all-consuming @elricsister @injailoutsoon12 reclusivebird @mariakov81 @notthatchhavi @mordanbooqs @haaatch @hpsassenach @ybaeby @farmgirl-in @coyg-81 @eiramrelyat metterschling-plus-two @a-maidens-fantasy @sansacat @vofastudum @lexayeon @1800-rewrite @aneiria-writes @anonymouslydramione 

It took much longer to compile this list than I thought it would. Hopefully, I didn’t skip anything. 🙈

Happy New Year. May it be better than the previous one and full of great Dramione fics and fanarts! 🥳🥳🥳

And here’s the 2019 list: https://dramioneficrecommendations.tumblr.com/post/190216354767/what-is-the-best-dramione-fic-you-read-in-2019

[mandareeboo]

For the character writing meme!! So I don't usually see many fics for Glitch Techs so I was wondering what you keep in mind for writing Miko and Five? Thank you!

Pick a character I’ve written and I will explain the top ~three to five ideas/concepts/etc I keep in mind while writing that character that I believe are essential to accurately depicting them.

Miko's family life is complicated. The Kubotas love all their kids, but they don't really understand most of them, ESPECIALLY Miko. She's clearly kind of the last thought in any situation, and that's led to a lot of self-esteem issues. She throws herself into battles without a care bc, well, why should she? She's got bosses to beat! And if her squishy meat cage gets injured, well, there's always health potions.

Miko is tech-minded! Maybe she can't hack like Zahra, but we've seen her fixing up old video game cabinets. She's talented with consoles and idk, I just like putting that in as many of fics as possible.

Stimming. CONSTANTLY. It's clear she's never had a fidget toy before and grew up just. Using her body. She bounces all over the place even when she's exhausted bc it's the only way she knows how.

Miko doesn't really know how to defend herself. She defends everyone else, but every time she feels uncomfortable or slighted, she usually doesn't say much. She let Five call her Meeks. She barely argued when Mitch called her a glitch. Mike Simms struck a Very Specific Nerve in that episode, and she called it quits when she realized they were a lot alike. She hid her past with animatronics instead of trying to sway Five to her side.

Five's family life is EVEN MORE complicated. He loves and misses his dad, but I get the vibes he's a bit angry with him for getting caught hacking. His Abuela and Abuelo do their best, but they're clearly struggling for money, and Five has been working jobs for years to help keep them afloat.

Great with kids, but doesn't really seem as competent with peeps his own age? He talks through his Special Interests, but when he can't, he usually resorts to the type of stuff you use on kids- silly voices, slang he clearly knows is cringe, etc.

Five is petty. He's held on to a failed birthday party for years. He takes comments to heart and actively tries to prove them wrong. He used his gauntlet on Gerdi instead of talking to her. He still hasn't told Miko she's been lowkey destroying him in co-op games for years. This isn't me dissing him, this is just Five being a human being.

Hella smart, but emotionally not intuitive.

[mostmouse]

Who's Cat is it Anyways?

Obey Me!: Lucifer x AFAB Reader x Satan (Mostly Lucifer/Reader); Spoilers for Hard Lesson 30; Explicit 18+ ; Word Count: 5,746

After trying to lowkey drug Lucifer, he has a couple strong punishments in mind. But seeing as he's so kind, he'll let you pick. However, after catching wind of your antics, Satan shows up none too happy - and he's not letting Lucifer chase him away.

Spoilers/background for Hard Lesson 30 explained below for those who don't want to look it up/don't mind spoilers.

in lesson 30 - you have the cat potion that makes the person act cat-like. Mammon wants to dose Lucifer and sell the video for grimm. you get in on it for funsies, give Lucifer the drink, and after seeing him not react he reveals he knew exactly what you were trying to do to him - but jokes on you, silly goose, small time potions like that don't work, so jot that down.

Anyways, he gives you three options for punishments: say oops, sit in his lap and meow as cutely as possible, or spend the night in his bed. and when you choose spend the night he's like fuck yeah OH by the way, its uh- not to sleep. youre gonna be up all night. and so after realizing you get to straight up fuck Lucifer - this was born!

_____________________________________

You watched on in exasperation as Mammon fought against the cat potion. Levi made a few smart remarks which had Mammon hissing loudly at him, “You do realize this is your fault, Levi? You literally dosed him.” Mammon huffed, smug that you had taken his side.

“I-! Well!” Levi deflated quickly, shaking up the potion bottle to fully mix it before pouring it into a used drink bottle. “I’m not feeling very confident in this idea anymore. I mean, its pretty funny to see Mammon like this, and I’m sure you were cute Beel, but… What’re the odds it’ll even work on Lucifer? I bet he doesn’t even drink it.” Beel smiled at the complement while Mammon glowered at his little brother.

“He’ll drink it! An’ once he turns all cat-like, you’ve gotta record him, treasure!” Mammon snickered, “We’re gonna make tons of grimm, meow!” Shouting at the involuntary cat noises, Mammon quickly became occupied with arguing with Levi again about how it was his fault he was like this.

“Hey, be careful, okay? If Lucifer gets mad – just blame Mammon. It’ll be more fair that way.” Smiling at Beel, you pet his hair and giggled at his purring. Shushing Mammon as he began to scream that the whole thing wasn’t entirely his fault alone, you grabbed the bottle and went towards the door.

Looking back at your demons solemnly, you saluted. “It’s been an honor and a pleasure, men.” The others wiped false tears away, mourning your loss already. Walking to Lucifer’s study, you fought down an anxious series of giggles. You weren’t intent on recording anything that happened, but you were very excited to see Lucifer act cat-like. All the usual Anti-Lucifer League shenanigans meant you got to spend a little more time with your prideful demon, even if ended with being strung up with the others.

Holding the bottle in the crook of your arm, you paused for a moment and pulled out your DDD. Going to Ristaurant Six’s page, you put it in a quick reservation for the next weekend – Lucifer was sure to get the both of you in much quicker, but he’d appreciate your already planned apology for your antics. Taking deep calming breaths, you approached his study and trained your expression to be as innocent as possible.

Peeking in, you saw him with his head tilted back against his chair, worry lines evident on his face. You gently closed the door behind you, the soft sounds not rousing him physically, but he hummed in question. “Hey there, wanna take a break?” Sitting back up to meet your eyes, his own gaze flickered to the bottle in question.

“I actually was already. Is that for me?” At your soft smile and nod, he laughed slightly, “Usually I have hot tea or coffee, but a cold drink might be exactly what I need right now.” He cleared off his desk, stacking papers neatly to make plenty of available room.

“Sorry its already opened, I had a bit on the way… I was curious what it tasted like. I hope that’s alright?” He smirked, already used to Beel bringing him snacks and the like but being half eaten on the way. Afterall, it was the thought that counted, and his little brother was almost painfully adorable when he apologized.

Sidling up to him, you leaned against his desk and handed him the bottle. After a generous sip, your gaze turned from friendly interest to mild confusion. “Hmm? Is there a problem?” His smirk now smug as he watched you with half lidded eyes. Maintaining eye contact, you slowly reached out to pet his hair. The soft pink of his cheeks turned rosy as you threaded your digits in his silky locks. “Can I help you?”

Though he didn’t pull away, you smiled tightly, trying to keep in your defeat – of course this wouldn’t have worked! “You don’t- uhm, feel any different?” At his quirked brow, “What if I… called you… a good boy?” His face fell as if to ask you ‘really?’ and you laughed, holding his cheeks and kissing his forehead, “You cannot be serious right now!”

He took your wrists in his hands, tugging you a bit closer and bending you slightly. “Did you really think such a weak potion would work on me, my love?” You giggled, whispering how you honestly thought it would, at least a little. “I’m immune to such antics. In case you’ve never met them, I have 6 unruly little brothers.” The both of you shared a grin as well as a chaste kiss. “However…” Pulling away you balked slightly as his mischievous gaze. “This doesn’t save you from the fact you tried to spike me. But because I’m in such a forgiving mood… I’ll let you choose your punishment.”

Grinning, you tried to pull away, but his grip remained firmly on your wrists. Kicking his chair back, he twisted so that his spread legs faced you, as well as his seductive gaze. “You may either sit on my lap and give me your cutest meow, or you can sleep in my bed tonight.” You licked your lips slowly, not missing how he focused on your tongue. “However, there’s something you absolutely will be doing as well.” At your confused gaze, he released your wrists, grabbing the potion. “Why don’t you help yourself to a sip? I’m sure you’re curious as to how your creation tastes?” Yelping you backed quickly away from his hands before he could secure you again.

“Hey! Wait- what if its dangerous to humans? I could die! Probably!” He laughed at your excuse, both of you knew he would never offer something deadly to you, but maybe if you acted innocent enough, he’d let you off the hook. Beel had drank it hours ago and still acted a little feline, and his metabolism was incredible! You’d be meowing for days!

“Its cute how you keep backing away from me. You can’t honestly believe you could escape before I caught you. However, I do think it would be exciting to overpower you. If you should choose to do so… then you’ll be accepting both punishments, my dear. Perhaps, even a little more, should I be so inclined.” You swallowed, raking your eyes up and down his perfect body, heat spreading through you as his legs remained spread wide, tempting you to nestle down between them.

You stamped down an excited squeal before you turned tail to run. Shrieking as Lucifer easily appeared before you with his breathtaking wings spread wide, you twisted to hide behind one of his couches. “You’ll never take me alive!” He sauntered to your hiding spot, though he didn’t figure it could count as one anymore considering he knew exactly where you were, and hummed as lifted the entire loveseat.

“Oh? You’re a sneaky little one, aren’t you?” Finding nothing behind the couch, his eyes scanned the office. You were either using an invisibility spell or something to quiet your movements and slipped past him. “I do so love hunting you down, my pet. However, the longer you evade me, the more… severe your punishments will be. I hope you’re ready, you won’t be leaving my side for the foreseeable future.” Licking his lips, he set down the couch, taking inventory of the room around him.

“If I were my precious little human, where would I hide?” His sing song tone had you rubbing your thighs together, tugging at your bottoms. “It would surely be somewhere obvious, in plain sight. So clearly in my field of vision that you’d be overwhelmed with pride that it took me more than one try to find you.” He snickered darkly, “But that’s your mistake, my love. I can sense your pride already.”

Breath caught in your lungs, you tried to decide whether or not to bolt from where you were hiding. Your invisibility spell wasn’t terrible, it tricked all the lower level demons at RAD, even some professors, but you could never hope to hide from your demons. Instantly regretting your decision, you couldn’t help but quickly move from where you were sat perfectly still. As expected, it only took Lucifer a moment to find you and pin you to the floor on your belly. Releasing the spell, you laughed, “No! Help! Someone! I’m being attacked by a big bad demon!” You tried to wiggle out of his grasp, knowing full well neither of you were really trying.

You heard him laugh softly above you, “I’m afraid you’ve sealed your own fate, my love. I don’t want to hear any complaints from here on out. Now, let us have a bit of fun, shall we?” Easily hauling you up, he claimed your lips in a heated kiss, pressing his tongue into your mouth as you smiled and pressed yourself closer to him.

Breaking away from you, he sucked your bottom lip into his mouth. Sighing dreamily, you fell forward into him, already excited from the little hide and seek game. No matter that he found you, you were still pleased as punch you even managed to get the slip on him for a second. Letting you go from his mouth, he drug his hands along your body and pulled you back to his desk.

Sitting with a sigh, he left his legs wide open as you stood before him, face hot and sex throbbing. He smirked at your dazed gaze, how you flickered your eyes across him, resting on his lips, chest, and clothed shaft that strained almost painfully against his tailored trousers. “Be a good human and get on your knees.”

Licking your lips, you obeyed and sank down on to your knees between his legs. “That’s a good pet. Now close your eyes and open your mouth.” You rested your hands on his thighs and did what he said. He had half a mind to scold you for touching him when he didn’t give you permission, but he let it slide considering how you followed his instructions without fuss.

Unzipping his pants, he sighed as his cock was freed. Stroking himself gently, he watched as your tongue moved subconsciously in your mouth. He couldn’t help but smirk as he grabbed the glass bottle silently. He knew you were waiting to suck his cock, but he hadn’t forgotten what started this all in the first place.

Gasping as cold glass met your lips, you fought to keep you eyes closed as you drank the feline potion. Choking as you downed it all at once, your digits fisted in his pants, whining lowly as he pulled the bottle away from you. You coughed slightly, face warming as you bowed your head forward, wiggling in your spot as you mewled softly.

“Ah. I didn’t say you could move. Be a good little kitty and come closer to your master. I have something for you to do. And because I’m so kind… I’ll let you open your eyes.” Scooting back up to him, your slitted pupil gaze met his and his breath caught in his throat. “I see the potion works even better on humans. We’re going to have quite a bit of fun together, my love.”

Purring deep in your chest, you kissed his clothed thighs. Pathetic mewls leaving you as you began to grind in your spot. “Wanna put you in my mouth, please, please let me.” He groaned at your soft begging, meows and mews leaving you quietly. You tentatively moved closer, mouth opening as you hovered next to his knotted cock, drool falling from your lips.

“Such an eager little sex kitten, aren’t you? Show your master how well you can suck my cock.” You hummed delightedly, pressing open mouthed kisses to his shaft and purring constantly. His hands gripped the arms of his chair, leather on leather squeaking slightly as your reverberations shook him. He let you continue at your own pace, after all, he was the one who said you could choose your own punishment. “Like that, perfect. Ahh~ fuck, you feel amazing.”

Biting his fingertips, he tugged off his gloves and threaded his fingers through your hair, restraining himself from forcing you to take his cock. Your hands drifted up to slip into his trousers and massage his hip while the other gently held his package. Lifting your head up higher, your slitted eyes met his as you lowered your wet mouth down onto his cock, taking him all the way to his knot.

Relaxing your throat, your hand on his hip increased in pressure, hearing him groan lowly as you purred around him, nimble hand rolling his package in your palm. “Good kitten, take your master’s cock nice and deep.” He let one hand hold the back of your head, a comforting weight on you as he tipped his head back, letting himself relax as you worked his shaft in your mouth.

You bobbed up and down his cock, whining and purring as you took more of him, drooling down his shaft and meeting the hand caressing his package. Hand tightening in your hair, he bucked his hips gently, indulging you in his deep moans as you worked him into euphoria. He loved when you went down on him, you knew exactly what he liked, how to drive him insane.

Popping off of him for a moment, you mouthed his package, gently licking and sucking and moved his hands to grip the arm rests as yours went to his wet cock. Using one to squeeze his knot, the other pet and stroked his cockhead. He felt his thighs twitch, orgasm rapidly approaching, and he tried to think fast about where he wanted to finish. Biting back his gasps, “W-Where does my pet want me to cum? On their cute face? In their perfect mouth?”

Watching you carefully, he bit his lip as your hands worked him faster, tugging his sensitive package into your mouth as you sucked him hard, tongue laving across the thin skin there and making him toss his head back. Letting go of him you instead went to his tip and sucked hard and dipped your head fast. “Fuck! Fuck- I- ahh~!” He felt himself unravelling at the edges, trying to hold back as well as he could to enjoy your mouth for just a few more seconds.

Lucifer cried your name behind his palm as he covered his lips, hips bucking as he finished just inside of your hot mouth. He could feel as you circled him with your tongue, cum covering him as you worked to swallow his thick load. Letting go of him again, you gave long languid licks to his entire shaft, whining as he gently pulled you off.

Panting he tugged your hair softly and you stood up. Through his hazy eyes he admired you standing before him. “Strip for me.” You meowed gratefully, body on fire beneath the soft fabric. He laughed softly as you tugged off your clothes in a hurry, not quite putting on a show like he thought you would. Once you kicked off the rest, he motioned with his hand for you to take a seat in his lap, cock resting against his tummy at the moment.

Nestling in his lap, he swallowed tightly as your sharp slitted gaze met his directly. Letting out a strained breath, he tugged you closer, making you sit firmly in his lap as he kissed your neck and shoulders. Humming deeply, “I wonder if that potion served as an aphrodisiac as an unknown factor for human consumption? You seem insatiable at the moment, my dear.” You whined above him, and he adored the low purring in your chest.

“Don’t need an aphrodisiac to- ahh~ wanna be with my demon.” You ground against his, hot sex against his hardening cock. He hissed, pulling you closer to him as he kissed the corner of your mouth. “Love you, wanna be full of you.” You pulled his hair as you gave him a chaste kiss, basking in his moan at your somewhat rough treatment. “You said one of my punishments was to meow in your lap, right?”

Your prideful demon nodded, almost helplessly, as you continued to rock in his lap. Licking your lips you grinned and limp wristed your hands, meowing as seductively as you could. Afterwards, you quickly began to unbutton his top. “Always so formal. Wanna unwrap my prize~” He laughed at you then, moving to kiss your cheek then the shell of your ear until finally kissing the crown of your head, letting you push his top off. “Meow… how would you like your obedient little kitty, master?”

He groaned at your words, grabbing you by the thighs and lifting you onto the desk. He thanked himself for having the forethought to clear it off when you got in. He had an inkling that it might come to this, though he was always pleasantly surprised when you gave yourself to him. He had no idea what he had ever done to deserve such heavenly treatment, but he was going to indulge and pamper you as long as you would let him.

Letting you rest on your back on the desk, his hands drifted down between your legs, stroking you softly. Mewling and panting on the desk, you reached for your demon. Catching you easily, he brought your palm to his mouth, kissing you softly, then kissing each fingertip. His other kept touching you softly, working you gently and letting you grind and buck up into his palm. “L-Lucifer~ Ahh~ want you inside me, please…” Your pupils had widened, now fulling taking up your iris and he found he loved the physical effects of the potion.

Letting go of you, and shushing your loud whines at the loss of contact, he reached into one of his desk drawers to fish out some special lubricant. Purring as you saw him apply some to his hard cock, you then arched as he circled your rim with a generous amount as well. “Ahh~ Can already feel how good it is~ thank you!” He kept your thighs apart, rubbing your swollen heat as the stimulating lubricant had you writhing beneath him. “A-Ahh~! P-Please! I can take you, I can, just fuck me!”

Grinning at your desperation, he drug your hips to hang off his desk and pressed his cockhead to your tight muscles, slowly sinking in and feeling you unravel around him. Lucifer panted above you, wings wide and covering your field of vision as he stretched you out on his thick cock. You mewled and whined at the stretch, spreading your legs wider as you took him, “Fuck! Yes- ahh! S-So big! Want all of you, I can take it, please!”

Lucifer grit his teeth, you made it hard to not just break you in two on his shaft. He wanted you to scream his name but after you adjusted to him, although he adored when you let him take you with little prep. Your tightness was euphoric, it made him want to cum on the spot. He let one thigh rest on the desk as he pressed his hand to the center of your chest, “Don’t hide your pretty sounds, kitten. I want to- ahh~ hear all of you.”

You hummed happily, licking your lips as you lifted your free leg high up. Taking your hint, Lucifer grabbed you, squeezing your plush skin before pressing you against his chest. Resting for a moment inside of you, he tugged out but slammed back inside. Stuttering on a cry, you tossed your head back as he filled you with his cock, just to pull out and hit home again. “Lucifer!” Your hands held the edge of the desk above you, sometimes grabbing at the papers stacked up.

He couldn’t bring himself to care as he began to pound into you quickly, reveling in your meowing and other feline noises. His favorite was the constant hum of your purring beneath it all, even as you gasped and panted as he pressed his hand to your hot sex, pulling higher pitched whines from you.

“So loud for me, kitten. Let everyone hear how thoroughly I fuck you. How I make you feel amazing, let me hear you- fuck!” Your tightness had him close to finishing inside you, his hand working furiously to get you to cum all over his palm. “Scream for your master! Be a good little kitty and scream for me-” He shouted as his finished inside of you, cursing his stamina as he climaxed too fast.

“Lucifer! Master! Master, please! Let me cum! You feel so good, I’m so full! Let me cum, please, please!” You gasped and writhed under him, hands knocking off pens and paper as he brought you to climax, making a mess on his hand as his hips slowed to a stop, pressed deep inside of you. “M-Master…” Reveling in your heavy breathing and constant purrs, Lucifer licked his hand clean.

Pressing kisses to your chest, he opened his mouth to praise you, but instead the door to his study being kicked open brought him crashing back to reality. Moving and tilting his wings to cover you, he anchored his palms on either side of your head, snarling in warning at the intruder.

Satan stood in the flickering light of the doorway, the fire from the library casting his moving shadow on the wall. His face was twisted into a sneer as he matched Lucifer’s growling. “And just what do you think you’re doing in here? Get out!” You could feel the desk wood creaking under Lucifer’s grip, the usual jealous antics of the brothers not upsetting you once you got a peek at the demon in the doorway.

“You’ve got some fucking nerve, Lucifer! That’s my kitten! Who said you could give them a potion to make them like a cat when that is so clearly something I would do to them!” Satan’s demonic appearance burned against Lucifer’s eyes for a moment, his disjointed tail clicking and snapping behind him as he stomped towards his older brother.

Not pausing for a moment, even as Lucifer’s wings puffed up at the obvious challenge, he stood before the two of you, his eyes not leaving Lucifer’s for even a second. “Give them to me.” His tone was short, his rage ruffing his hair and feathers as he made to grab your shoulder.

Meeting Lucifer’s hand instead had Satan snarling in his face. The two demons stared each other down and only faltered for a second as you rolled your hips onto Lucifer’s still hard cock and purred deeply in your chest. Satan’s eyes shot down to you and caught your dreamy sultry gaze before Lucifer covered you even closer within his wings. “This isn’t the time nor place for you to be defying me, Satan. Get out. I will not be telling you again.”

Satan ignored his brother’s words, instead getting closer and growling harshly, “They’re fucking purring! Are you kidding me?! They’re my pet, give them back!” His claws drug harsh marks down the desk top, and before Lucifer could snap at his little brother again, your hand reached out and gently held Satan’s wrist.

Both brothers paused, looking down at your dazed look, soft smile on your face as you purred. “Let him stay, Lucifer.” Breath caught in his throat, he looked incredulously at you before shooting a sharp glare at Satan. Satan’s smug smirk had him pissed all over again, but before he could ask you why, you spoke up again. “Satan~ Use that one spell on me. I want you two to share me… if you’re into it at least. I wouldn’t mind being spit roasted between the two of you.”

Both paused for a moment before Lucifer pulled back his wings. Satan took in your body greedily, admiring your perfect appearance before growling as he saw Lucifer tucked inside of you. “Ah ah… this is going to be a sharing moment, okay?” You mewled excitedly tugging Satan’s hand to your chest, “The spell~ C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

Tossing an annoyed but even look at Lucifer, Satan’s hand hovered over your skin. Once his big brother nodded, he gently touched you and whispered a few words, and Lucifer watched on in restrained amazement as cat ears and a tail shimmered into existence, especially as you stuck out your tongue and raked your claws down Satan’s outstretched arm.

Lucifer couldn’t help himself as he pressed his thumb to your lips, opening your mouth with a moan, you sucked on his digit with your rough tongue, petting him softly. “Feels good, doesn’t it? I promise you they know how to use it, too.” His cheeks faintly red, Lucifer glared at Satan. Smirking, Satan opened his mouth to say something smart again, but your cry as Lucifer bucked into you interrupted him.

You found yourself getting hotter, you hadn’t been trapped between any of the demon brothers yet, but you were excited to see how it was going to go. You watched as Satan tugged off his top, stripping his accessories easily and dropping his pants. “Open your mouth, kitten.”

Mewling in excitement, you motioned for Lucifer to push you up higher on the desk, letting your head hang off slightly and opening your mouth to take Satan’s cock into your mouth. You moaned lasciviously as he pressed as deep as he could go. Satan couldn’t help but tip his head back and groaned wantonly as your rough tongue stroked his shaft.

Panting, he met Lucifer’s hard glare, though he couldn’t help but smirk. “That’s a good kitten, taking your master’s cock perfectly into your hot, wet mouth. Such a good little pet.” Lucifer snarled at his brother antics, pulling out and shoving himself deep inside of you. You cried out, your body pushing closer to Satan’s and forcing his cock deeper into your mouth. “Fuck!” He rubbed your cat ears gently and you whined around him, wiggling your hips and trying to take Lucifer deeper inside of you.

Your hands once again scrambled for purchase as Lucifer began a hard deep pace, spanking your ass as he pounded you. Moaning and mewling around Satan’s cock, you pet him firmly with your rough tongue. Satan moaned lowly as you sucked him tightly, hands grabbing yours as he bucked gently into your mouth. He couldn’t help but grin as he saw his cock bulging down your throat.

“Y-Ya know, ahh~! They like it if- fuck! You pu-pull their tail gently.” His hands gripped yours tighter as he thrust shallowly into your mouth, Lucifer’s rough treatment pushing you closer to him. You smiled slightly around his shaft, both at his words and as his blond curls tickled your nose.

Lucifer scoffed slightly, choking on a moan as you gripped him with the leg around his waist and pulled him to you, tail curling around his leg slightly before swaying again. You weren’t a natural tail-haver, so you weren’t as dexterous with it as some of the demon brothers. You whined, desperate to look at him and beg him to play with it.

Thankfully, looking a bit past his pride, his hand moved from his grip on your ass to wrapping the fuzzy tail around his fist. Focusing on railing you deeply, he pulled your tail gently. Satan quickly pulled from your mouth as you cried out loudly, keening in pleasure as you arched your back. ��Lucifer!” He couldn’t help but smirk as he looked towards Satan as if to boast how you said his name and not Satan’s. With a low growl, Satan held the back of your head, threading his fingers through your hair and coaxing your mouth open again to take his cock.

“Ahh~ I’m close, kitten. Gonna be a good little kitty and swallow all my cum?” You hummed around him, deep purrs shaking him and nearly buckled over at the sudden sensation. Tossing your arm up, you grabbed around before he caught your wrist and tugged your hand to hold his heavy package, thick load moments from being dumped into your mouth.

Lucifer wasn’t much better off, you were squeezing him like a vice and he could hardly think straight. His hand tightened slightly around your tail, the other squeezing your thigh still wrapped around him. Panting heavily, he grit his teeth as he sporadically bucked into you.

Satan took note how they both were about to fill you up, and his hand wandered down to your neglected heat. Lucifer watched him closely as he bowed forward, whimpering you sucked him tightly. His hand pressed into your heated skin, stroking and petting you. Choking and gagging suddenly on his cock, you arched upwards, and Satan couldn’t help but cry out.

Tail thrashing behind him, he furiously worked you over, trying to get you to cum first. Lucifer groaned hotly, unable to keep his panting under control anymore as he jerked into you. With a shout, he finished first, filling you once again, but this time his cum spilling out of you. You continued to gag and choke on Satan, and with a tight squeeze of his package, you found him cumming down your throat.

He rocked into you as Lucifer took over touching you, gently dragging himself from your mouth as you gasped for air and coughed on the cum that hadn’t made it down your throat easily. Satan lifted your shoulders as Lucifer drug you back onto the desk top, letting you breathe easier, and tugged out of you, cum spilling and leaking down your ass. Satan wiped away some of his mess from your lips, but you only grabbed his wrist and drug your rough tongue across his fingers.

Pulling him down by the arm, you tossed your head to the side, crying out as Lucifer touched you, “Ahh~! Hahh~ fuck! ‘M gonna- haah~! Gonna cum! P-Please!” You bucked your hips in a stuttering pace, holding Satan’s hand tightly, Lucifer maintaining his grip on your tail, and you shouted as you finished, covering his hand once again.

Both Lucifer and Satan licked their lips, watching you fall to pieces. Panting hotly you watched as Satan reached down and gathered a bit of your cum on his fingers as well, slipping them into his mouth and moaning. You whimpered as Satan hooked his hands under your arms and tugged you into a sitting position against his chest, tail wrapping loosely around your hips, as Lucifer fanned you slightly with his wings.

You moaned loudly, relaxing against Satan as you basked in the cool air. “So hot… thank you…” Lucifers hands wandered to your thighs and parted them slightly, massaging your legs as you continued to moan. Satan, not to be outdone, rubbed the back of your neck and shoulders. Moaning loudly, you purred and giggled, “This feels almost as amazing as being between the two of you~ I should let you manhandle me more, meow~”

They glared at each other halfheartedly, doting over your tired and worn out body. Shooting a glare to Satan, “They’re sleeping in my bed tonight.” His little brother balked, holding you closer to him and asking what gave him such a bright idea. “Because I said so! Its not up for discussion!”

“W-Wait… both of you be quiet.” At your soft command, they shut up and you peered up at Satan, “How did you know we were in here? I shut the door and there’s a soundproofing spell on it when it seals… and plus you knew he had the kitty potion? The others and I just made that like… I don’t know, a few hours ago?”

Satan blushed furiously, looking away and popping your back slightly with too much force. Whispering an apology, he didn’t meet either your or Lucifer’s gaze. “I heard Mammon meowing in your room. When I went in there, they told me what happened and that you hadn’t been back for a while. It was easy enough to deduce what you two were doing.” This time he glared openly at Lucifer again, “Everyone knows you’re my kitten! What gives you the right to dose them with some potion, Lucifer?!”

You groaned as the two began to bicker again. However, having them massage you still felt even better, so you blissfully ignored their words and basked in the aftercare. “Ah, wait. By the way, I’ll spend tonight in Lucifer’s bed, and stay with him until mid-morning. Then, Satan, you can have me all day tomorrow and I sleep in your room then. How’s that? To be fair, Lucifer called dibs on me tonight.”

Your blond wrathful demon pouted behind you, resting his chin on your head and glaring at his brother. Giggling, you flicked your car ears around and focused as hard as you could to pet his neck with your tail. You smiled as you felt him relax, tired gaze meeting Lucifer’s soft one and sticking your tongue out at him. “Who’s turn is it to make dinner tonight? I’m starving! Believe it or not, even after swallowing all your guys’ cum, it didn’t quite hit the spot. I want something filling… like charred bat fettuccine or- oh! Shadow hog burgers with poison potato fries!”

Your big eyes flickered between the two of them and they sighed, Satan pushed you forward slightly as he fished his DDD out of his pants pocket. “I’ll see if I can weasel Mammon and Beel into going to the store. It’s one of their turns to make dinner, I can’t remember which at the moment.”

Lucifer sighed, falling back into his chair and scooting forward to rest his face in your plush thighs. Voice slightly muffled, “Tell them they’ll both be strung up all weekend if they don’t go or eat all the food on the way back. Our human specifically requested tonight’s meal.” You giggled, tail swishing ambiently, not feeling bad about the special request whatsoever. These demons took everything out of you constantly, the least a couple of them could do was to make you a special dinner.

Leaning back, you took one of Satan’s hands in yours, kissing his knuckles and smiling. “Okay~ who wants to give me a bath~?” Both of them shot up and began to argue. You laughed in delight, letting them both tug on you to their side and basking in their love for you, no matter their differences.

[thestraggletag]

Roll for Initiative, a Rumbelle D&D Fic

Summary: Tales of the Enchanted Forest was the hottest online D&D game, in part for its charismatic players, in part for the twisted turns of the DM's mind and in part because of the outrageous chemistry between its greatest OTP, the party's beautiful bard and the Dark One, an anti-hero side-character who is there to provide information and uncomfortable levels of UST. Mr Gold thinks it's a harmless flirtation that could never become anything else, just like his silly little crush on the town librarian, Belle French.

He's wrong.

Rating: Explicit.

Author’s Note: Surprise, @argoslight​, it is I, your Gifter! Sorry to make you wait till near the end but I just had way more banter to write in me than I thought. I hope you enjoy your gift. I’m so sorry to not be able to add more D&D elements but since I don’t play I don’t have a lot of idea of what could be done. Also I apologise for any mistakes! And thanks so much to @little-inkstone for her help and D&D knowledge.

The castle was quiet when she entered, her steps echoing against the stone. It was gloomy inside, curtains obscured and decor sparse and sombre, the castle living up to its name. But there were flowers on the table, moon lilies, her favourite flower. They bloomed only in the Eastern Mountains past the Old Wall, but she had long since suspected he grew some on one of his enchanted hothouses, with the excuse of using them for potions. 

“Where’s the rest of your pretty little troop of do-gooders, dearie?”

The voice came out of nowhere, echoing around the empty halls of the castle. Thankfully she did not need directions, knowing exactly when to turn and where to go. Soon she found herself in a vast room, with a table on the centre and curios filled with oddities and the like. Some others were displayed on pedestals, including a rather fearsome sword and a nasty-looking crown made of thorns. None of the artefacts were what she sought, but she was not there to bargain for an item, but rather for information.

“Off on their own quests, taking care of other things that need doing.”

The voice tsked, seeming not to approve.

“They let you enter the lair of the beast alone? Some heroes.”

The woman lowered the hood of her cloak and walked towards the unlit chimney. Immediately a fire blazed to life, as if the castle itself was trying to cater to her comfort. The fire provided much-needed light as well, revealing the profile of a man in the shadows. Or something that looked like a man, at least, if not for the reflective scales that covered his body and its strange eyes: gold irises around catlike pupils.

“I asked to come alone. I felt like we could talk more openly this way.”

She removed her cloak, ostensibly to drape it across a chair near the fire and let it dry. The creature, however, seemed to read more into the gesture, tsking again.

“You come here all alone, a pretty little lamb, and take off the only real bit of protection you have. Reckless, dearie, most reckless.”

 The creature stood up, walking slowly towards the light, revealing more of its form as it approached her. Leather pants and a long, reptilian-looking vest and coat. It wasn’t particularly tall but power emanated from it in suffocating waves. She closed her eyes, finding his cloying presence strangely comforting. Then again, she had always been odd. 

“Once again your pitiful little party of friends needs my help. How they weigh you down, Beauty.”

He stepped fully into the light then, revealing a being more creature than man, the reptilian skin and claws as off-putting as his unnatural eyes. She should’ve taken a step back, should’ve gone for her blade or the dagger tucked into her left boot, but she didn’t. As much as she knew she shouldn't, she felt at ease in his presence. Well, perhaps not quite. She certainly felt a strange sort of anxiousness in his presence, a fluttery sort of feeling that she attributed to being particularly attuned to his magic. None of the other members of her party felt that way. If anything, he repulsed them, which wasn’t something she could understand. To her he was… magnetic.

“Are you in the mood for dealing or not? I can trade for information.”

He snorted.

“With what? Your little band of misfits is dirt poor. That idiotic paladin of yours ruined your last mission. You really should think about ditching the man. All brawn, no brains. At least your rogue is a smart woman.”

His gaze left her briefly, running down the length of her clothing: sturdy black boots, a nicely-cut dress that stopped around the knees and a sturdy belt with a few pockets for her spells. But the clothing, as well-made as it was, was dated, old. Looked worn and was signed and stained in places, and it left a lot of her frail human skin exposed. She had not been able to afford an upgrade in a while, preferring to spend her coin in what could benefit the group.

His moue of distaste disappeared once his eyes fell on her cloak. Well, his cloak, since he had been the one to make it. It was a lovely thing in varied shades of green, shot through with golden thread, his trademark. She had bought it off him a long time ago, a simple thing to keep her warm during cold nights and dry when it rained. Miraculously, though, it also did not sustain damage, looking exactly the same as when she had first put it on.

“I’m glad at least my protection is serving you well.”

He ran a claw along the seams of the cloak, making it glitter, like to like, magic calling for its own. He looked smug, as if pleased she was wearing something he had made.

“It does more than we bargained for. I’ve been blasted with magic strong enough to burn through most fabric but it has not even frayed. How strange of you, Rumplestiltskin, to lose out on a deal.”

He shivered when she said his name, walking behind her to the safety of the shadow she cast next to the fire.

“Can’t help it if my magic is just that powerful, my dear. I’m glad you are a happy customer. Always thought that cloak was a nice bit of magic. Can’t fault you for always wearing it.”

She felt him close in on her from behind, to the point that it almost felt like they were touching.

“It smells like you. That’s why I wear it all the time.”

The noise he made behind her was inhuman, a cross between a whimper and a growl. His claws scrapped against the back of her dress, the feeling muted by her stays, but she could feel his breath against the back of her neck and that alone was-

“Hey, this is a decent stream! Keep it PG for the kids, you weirdos.”

“Damn it, Grumpy, I wanted to see how long it would take them to snap out of it!”

“Sorry, Snow, but I ate a big dinner and I aim to keep it down.”

The messages in the chatroom wheezed by, mostly disgruntled complaints about their OTP never catching a break. The other participants in the stream were mostly silent, their mics muted likely to hide the amused snickers. There was no video feed on any of the members of the party, all of them represented instead by artwork to preserve their anonymity. Once upon a time that had been a fanciful choice, and perhaps a way to stay safe when interacting with strangers on the internet. Now it was mostly to keep their private lives from being overtaken by the popularity of their stream. “Tales of the Enchanted Forest” was shaping up to be one of the hottest D&D online streaming shows, already on its third campaign and counting.

“Beauty is just trying to get us some answers, Grumpy. We can’t just go stumbling about hoping to run into some fairy wand by chance.”

“Oh, it’s that what the kids are calling it these days?”

“Enough! Can we get back to the campaign already? It took me weeks to plan and it kinda hinges a bit on the Dark One helping, which needs to happen today.”

“Fine by me, dearie, if the dwarf can curtail his temper.”

The party was composed of five characters, a paladin, a cleric, a bard, a rogue and a thief, which along with the Dungeon Master made up the regular cast of every weekly stream. But given the popularity of the show, and the amount of time they had been playing, they had managed to amass a good amount of side-characters, guests invited every now and then to help the campaign move along and keep the interest of the audience. And by far the most popular of those guests was the Dark One, a wizard of unknown lineage and tremendous power that served both as an antagonist and a pseudo-ally depending on the situation. 

His presence was likely the reason why the livestream’s numbers looked so robust. He had amassed quite a fanbase, due in part to the commitment the player put on the character (the voice-acting was above and beyond what anyone could’ve expected from an amateur performer, and the backstory was quite complex, revealed in bits and pieces fans had meticulously assembled together) and in part to the chemistry he had managed to develop with the group’s bard, a half-human named Beauty.

“Okay, let’s all go back to what we were doing.” The DM’s voice was authoritative, though also more than a bit pissed off. “Okay, Beauty, you were about to try and cajole the Dark One to sell you the information you needed in return for a vial of water from Lake Nostos. Though the water is valuable, it’s not guaranteed to be enough to tempt the wizard. You have to roll at least a 13 in persuasion to make the trade. Roll when you’re ready.”

...

Rumford Gold stretched within the confines of the small backroom of his shop, where he had his computer stuff set up. Initially he’d bought the computer to better conduct his online business. His laptop at home wasn’t cutting it and it was better to photograph the antiques, update the website and handle the deliveries from his place of business. He had bought a good camera, some light fixtures and, on a whim, a microphone, for instances where he might need to virtually communicate with clients. It was something that was happening more and more, especially because a lot of his clientele was European. The internet had truly turned his antiquing- more of a hobby than a profession originally- into a profitable business.

He had gotten into watching D&D while waiting late at night for a client to become available in Austria. He had played as a lad, one of the few happy moments he could remember from his childhood in Glasgow, but had given it up once he had met Milah. And after they were over he had been too involved in making something of himself to remember past childhood enjoyments. But apparently D&D had evolved with the times and he had gotten into the habit of searching for and watching online D&D campaigns in his spare time. From that to actually being a side-character in one of them took almost no time. It was frightfully easy to go back to that frame of mind of playing make-believe, only now he had a distaste for the clean-cut heroic types and more of an affinity for the morally-grey, shady characters.

So he had auditioned for the role of evil-wizard when there had been an opening for a side-character in his favourite D&D stream, The Enchanted Forest. And though the DM had written what he considered to be a very flat, uninteresting character, he had been able to give it his own spin. He knew the DM hated him for it, hated when he deviated from what was expected of him, but people loved him. It was half the fun, pissing the DM off.

The other half, he had to admit, was Beauty. The one with the brains in the group, clearly, a half-human, half-fairy bard with an uncanny ability to think ahead, and arm herself with knowledge. Most of the other members of her party were more apt to try and decapitate something than negotiate with it, or even befriend it. Beauty prided herself on more of a gentle approach, which sometimes got her treated as the “fragile” one. He thought it just made her all the more interesting.

Their flirting had just kinda happened. He was half into it before he realised it had begun at all and by the time he had grown conscious- and self-conscious- of it fans were lapping it up and loving it. Even the DM, as loath as he was to admit it, found the banter engaging, even as if stole the spotlight from his story and where he wanted it to go. So every now and then he got invited into a stream, sometimes to interact with the whole party and sometimes, like the session he had just finished, to speak only to Beauty. And what was supposed to be a brief conversation before the party moved to greener pastures became a whole session, with the chatroom full of engagement and the view count off the charts.

But the DM had had a short tolerance span tonight, and had nipped things in the bud much sooner than usual. He felt… unfulfilled. Unsatisfied. Itchy, almost, in a way. So he was more than happy when he received an email from Beauty, who seemed to share his dislike of how the session had played out. They had started doing that more often, sharing emails after a session, even when he did not participate in it. It was harmless, he thought. Just an innocent online flirtation that could never realistically turn into anything. Not that his more in-person romantic overtures could ever pan out. He was in his third year of being completely smitten by the local town librarian, and in his second year of being able to put two words together in front of her without the help from Scotch, something he was perhaps a bit too proud of. And though he had decided very early on that the whole thing was utterly hopeless he had not been able to steer his thoughts or affections away. Realistically he was perhaps more in love with the idea of Belle French than the reality itself, given how little he had personally interacted with the woman. But he knew just enough to fill in the blanks and create a beautiful picture of how he imagined her to be: bookish- an easy assumption given how many times he had caught her in public places absorbed in a book-, kind, generous and delightfully able to hold a grudge and enact revenge when the time came. A bit reckless, and sometimes quick to form opinions, but also quick to revise them. A tactile person, with a great sense of fashion and a carelessness about what was expected of her.

He saw her in his head as clear as day, but little of that image was based on any personal knowledge of her. So, perhaps, he had found in Beauty a fictional substitute, someone he could talk to, and flirt with, without consequences, adopting the persona of someone more confident, more at ease with that sort of thing. The Dark One was comfortable in his skin in a way that he could only pretend to be sometimes. All the money and power he had accumulated over the years had helped him evolve from the spineless, cowardly lad he had once been, but when it came to certain situations, especially those that necessitated a level of vulnerability, he was still hopeless.

Perhaps, he wondered, it was better to think about his online liaison with Beauty as the real thing. They wrote to each other often, in and out of character, and over the course of their correspondence he had confided in her more than he had in any other person alive. Small things at first, every day peeves and details. Nothing that could identify them, certainly, but surprisingly intimate nevertheless. And over time it had grown to stuttering confessions and barings of the soul on both sides. She had told him of her teenage years in a mental asylum, the product of an overwrought widowed father trying to do right by his grieving daughter. He had had a few choice words to say about that, uncharitable thoughts about her father prompting his own willing sharing of the sad story of his childhood, neglectful father and all. It had felt nice, to confide in someone, someone he trusted.

He glanced at her email, where she lamented how their scene had not been as long or as satisfying as she had wanted, and saw she was proposing to meet later in a private stream to finish it the way they had both wanted. She had proposed something similar once or twice before and he had politely declined but now he wondered why not take her up on her offer. What was stopping him? His imaginary idea of Belle French, who in reality had never given him more than a polite smile in passing? Too young, too good, too beautiful to ever see him as anything other than an old cripple? Whatever he had built with Beauty felt infinitely more real, and attainable. A relationship without ever meeting in person seemed ideal in many aspects and, perhaps, if and when it came to meeting in the real world, his physical shortcomings would not be relevant, nor would it his rather uncharitable reputation.

He sent her a quick reply to arrange a meeting, feeling like a bit of roleplaying was, in the end, quite harmless. And if it were to lead to something a bit more meaningful, well, perhaps it was about time.

…

“Water from Lake Nostos. A key ingredient in most powerful potions and even some spells. I’m sure it could prove useful to you.”

The bard showed him the glowing crystal vial hanging from a long chain around her neck, with the glowing milky-white water from the cursed lake in it. He made a move to get closer to inspect it but the woman took a step back, tucking the vial back inside her bodice. The wizard’s eyes lingered there, hiz gaze growing intense. The bard felt her skin flush in response, something that felt a bit like fear but wasn’t running down her spine.

“And I’m sure a new wardrobe could prove useful to you, dearie. You’re practically wearing rags.” Rumplestiltskin made a show of running his eyes up and down her form with just enough disgust in his face to make it seem as if he was only noticing the rather sad state of her dress. 

“It’s my best gown, I’d thank you not to insult it.”

He made a moue of disapproval, shaking his head for good measure.

“You’re far from your days as a princess. I hope seeing the world is worth putting up with your band of idiots that waste most of the gold they earn with your wit in pointless goose chases that you know will lead nowhere.”

Beauty didn’t respond. There was nothing she could say to contradict what he thought of her party, none of which was charitable to say the least. And she also knew that he was aware that all of it was worth the freedom she had won when she had left her life in her father’s castle behind. She did miss one or two things, perhaps. Her mother’s vast library being one and, perhaps, some of the fashions. Not so much the silhouettes- she had never liked how the sea of petticoats she was always forced to wear restricted her movement- but the fabrics and colours, certainly. And the shoes.

“I’m here to make a deal, Dark One. Are you doing business today or not?”

Lesser creatures would’ve rather bitten off their tongues that throw cheek at the Dark One, but Beauty did not even bat an eye, lips curling in a defiant little smile that had the wizard smirking, something like admiration blooming in his chest. It’s what he loved most about his little bard, her spine of steel. And perhaps her blue eyes, but that was neither here nor there.

“I don’t do business with raggedy urchins, dearie. If you want to sit down and negotiate you’ll need a bath.” He made a face, as if he could smell her across the room. “And a change of dress, while I put your current outfit to wash… Or set it on fire, I haven’t decided yet.”

She could tell that he was pulling his punches, that he was playing at being repulsed by her state of dress and hygiene just bad enough that she would see he did not really mean it, not in any real way. She would’ve been able to tell either way, but it was nice that he thought it important to spare her feelings. And she couldn’t deny that a bath sounded heavenly after so many weeks on the road, sleeping out in the open and washing in freezing-cold creeks whenever possible.

“Well, if you insist…”

He took her to a well-lit and spacious bathing chamber, with the biggest copper tub she had ever seen, already filled with warm, soapy water that smelled of vanilla. She wasted no time after the door closed behind him, stripping quickly, careless of her worn and mended garments, and slipping into the tub. It was heaven on her tired muscles, and her dirty skin, and though she would’ve stayed there for hours she knew that every minute spent bathing was a minute less with the Dark One. Their time was limited. If she didn’t return to camp in the morning her party would venture into the castle, likely thinking the most dreadful scenarios. She could picture Charming attempting to kick the front gate open and getting hurt for his troubles. She could not let them worry for her, or risk the rapport she had developed with the Dark One by coming in unannounced. 

She got out of the tub with only a bit of reluctance and found a towel that she was convinced was enchanted to dry her faster than possible. She found clothing laid out in the adjoining dressing room, the undergarments soft and made of pale cream fabric and the dress of a lovely velvety, forest-green fabric, with a belt embroidered in small pearls that matched the detail about the neckline. She put it on gladly, twisting every which way to lace it up at her back. Living a less princessy life had made her acquire a number of small skills, including the ability to dress up mostly by herself even in gowns that did not lace up at the front, like most of her travelling clothes.

She did not spot her mauve travelling dress or her boots, but she was sure that Rumplestiltskin had whisked them away and would subtly mend them with magic, though she was sure he would deny it if she were to point it out. The green dress was accompanied by matching slippers, butter-soft and silent as they touched the stone floor. She made sure to dry her hair out, noticing how it shone red-gold in the flattering light of the candles, and took her time brushing it and styling it out of her face, so it fell flatteringly down her back. Her neck and most of her upper torso was bare but for the chain keeping the vial of water tucked safely against her breasts, the wide neckline of the dress dipping low enough to leave her collarbones bare, but she didn’t mind it. She was inside the Dark Castle, with the Dark One. She was safe there. On the road she always had to think about not attracting unwanted male attention. Here she rather felt like the opposite.

It was a silly infatuation, and many would argue any interest or desire on her part was due to the wizard’s power, which some would say was an aphrodisiac potent enough to make some look past the Dark One’s rather unfortunate exterior. No one would ever believe her if she confessed she rather… liked his appearance. The green-gold skin, the wild hair, the talons, but also the exquisitely-tailored pants and vests, the frothy cravats, the slim coats. A beast and a gentleman. A rather enticing combination, she had found.

She went downstairs into the trophy room once more, where two massive chairs were pulled up next to the roaring fireplace, the main source of light. The Dark One was sitting in one of them, a snifter gingerly held by a clawed hand, containing some sort of brown-gold liquid. He glanced at her the moment she entered the room, unwilling or unable to hide his appreciation for what he saw. He had removed his coat, leaving only his high-collared vest and one of his open shirts to cover his upper body, no forty cravat in sight. He seemed less guarded, more adventurous than he usually was when it came to matters of intimacy.

“You clean up well, dearie. Wish I could say the same for your dress. A wash will only do so much for it, but I refrained from throwing it into the fireplace. You’re welcome.”

“Good, as it’s not your property to destroy.” Beauty sat down, with a poise that betrayed her royal upbringing, and primly crossed her legs at the ankles. “So, Dark One, are you prepared to deal with me now?”

She had dealt with him dozens of times before, she had no idea why it all sounded so much like innuendo now. She couldn’t say she minded it.

“Of course, my dear. I’ve had time to think about our deal whilst you were splashing about in the tub.” His sing-songy voice broke, getting suddenly deeper for a second or two, as if he was struggling to retain his composure. “The vial is certainly a good start, but perhaps not quite enough. Now, I’m prepared to be generous given our long and fruitful history of dealmaking together, but I must also keep up certain appearances. So I thought I would also demand… an evening of your time.”

He tried to make it sound sinister, but she was past getting scared of him. At least in the traditional way. She raised an eyebrow, adopting a rather coquettish expression.

“And what would an evening of my time entail exactly?”

“Oh, well, you know. Companionship, perhaps a game of chess, some good wine, conversation and the like.”

She made a show of thinking it over before offering her hand, which he shook without delay.

“It’s a deal.”

Several hours later she had won two games of chess, one game of checkers, and was sipping from her third coupe of sparkling wine as she listened intently to a story about a deal the Dark One had once made with a king from a distant land. He was a gifted storyteller, engaging and funny, knowing exactly when to pause or gesticulate to keep the flow of the story just right. The king in his tale was rather unfortunate, in the sense that his hubris and arrogance had led him to make a deal with the Dark One that he did not understand. Most of Rumplestiltskin’s deals seemed to be like that, Beauty thought. And when he came to collect people dared be indignant that he demanded what they promised in the first place.

“The king was furious. Never let go of the grudge. Hired several assassins to try and kill me. A waste of gold, of course.”

He let out a trilling laugh, which soon proved to be contagious. Somehow, over time, it felt like their chairs had moved closer, because if she stretched out a hand she could easily touch him. Odd.

“Serves him right, for making such an open-ended deal. What a rookie mistake.”

She didn’t recall removing her slippers but she must have, because her feet were enjoying being pressed against the soft cushion of the chair. He made a gesture for her to lean close, which was a bit of a balancing feat, but she managed. Her heart skipped a bit when he leaned close too, almost pressing his mouth against her ear.

“You have no room to talk, sweet. You struck a very vague deal yourself, committing to an evening of conversation, chess ‘and the like’. That little turn of phrase is an invitation to all manner of sins, even the darkest and most decadent of debaucheries.”

He hissed the last part, making her shiver. Not content with letting him have the upper hand she turned her head so their lips were inches apart.

“That’s what I was hoping for.”

She could tell she had shocked him into inaction. Cocky Dark One, always in control of the conversation, always one step ahead of everyone else. It was nice to see him floundering, to catch him unprepared. Finally he gulped and put a little distance between them.

“Aren’t you the bravest little poppet.”

“My mother always said ‘Do the brave thing and bravery will follow.’ I’m a firm believer of the principle.”

Slowly, almost painfully so, both his hands clutched at the armrests of her chair, effectively pinning her to it. She knew she was supposed to be scared but she felt nothing but excitement, a buzzing just beneath the skin that made her strangely needy for something. Touch, perhaps, or more. The feeling was so overwhelming she did not realise at first that the laces of her dress were coming undone, as if invisible hands were painstakingly pulling them loose. She tried to make eye contact, but he ducked his head, pressing his face against the base of her neck, where it met her shoulder. She sighed, noticing how gentle he was, his touch feather-light, and discovering that she would not mind a rougher treatment. He was restraining himself, she realised, trying to be a gentleman. Sweet, but not what she wanted from him at that moment. Feeling bold Beauty carded a hand through his hair, pressing his face more firmly against her skin.

“Please, Rumple.”

Those two words seemed to have a magic of their own, producing a sudden and radical change in him. He moved too fast for her to see, wrapping her up in his arms and depositing her on the long dining table on the other side of the room. She did not know whether he used magic or simply moved inhumanly fast, but either possibility excited her, reminded her of the power of the creature looming over her, claws tugging at the unlaced bodice of her dress, dragging the velvet down to expose her undergarments. She was wearing the underbust corset he had provided over the snowy linen shift he had also left for her, so it was easy for him to simply tug the shift down a bit to expose her breasts. He leaned forward, nuzzling the space between her breasts, making a sort of satisfied purring noise as he sniffed up her clavicles and down her throat. Then, once he was happy with the level of squirming she was doing, he finally gave her what she wanted, closing his mouth, with all of its sharp teeth, around one of her rosy nipples. It was a strange feeling at first, more unfamiliar than pleasant, but when he began to suck it changed completely, little shocks of pleasure running from her nipple to between her legs. It was amazing, more than she had ever achieved with her own hands whenever she could get some privacy at night, and the feeling doubled when he grasped her untouched breast, his long claws estimulating the other nipple.

She sunk both her hands in his hair, fisting it in an effort to keep herself from squirming too much, feeling both aroused and impatient. She kept waiting for him to tire of her chest and move further down but when he was finally done sucking her nipples his head moved north, his lips blinding searching for hers till they were kissing. It wasn’t anything like any kiss she had experienced before, not even the unpleasant smack her former fiance had forced on her. Though it was just as forceful there was a wild quality to it, one she had never associated with the affectionate gesture. It was heavenly, the release of passion, far from cooling her down, setting her on fire, stoking her need for him till it felt like she would explode if he didn’t give her relief. 

He must have sensed it, her desperation calling to him like a siren song, because at some point he let go of her mouth to travel south, past her aching chest, and velvet-covered belly to where the skirts of her long gown kept her modestly covered. He wasted no time dragging the heavy fabric up, letting it pool around her hips along with the white linen of her shift. She did not have any other undergarments, having not been provided with any, so she was completely exposed to his gaze, from her milky things to her round hips. She squirmed, trying to picture what he must be looking at, the trim thatch of chestnut curls at the apex of her legs, obscenely drenched by this point and making a poor show of trying to hide the pink, glistening flesh beneath.

“What a lovely cunt you have.” His voice was dark, guttural, a monster trying to speak like a man. It thrilled her. “Let me drink from it, precious.”

He didn’t wait for her reply, choosing instead to simply bury his head against her flesh, his tongue rough and wide as it lapped at her field parting them to seek out the bundle of nerves that was throwing for attention. She arched her back, feeling like it was only her firm grip on her thigh and hip what kept her anchored to the table. She fell into a rhythm of sorts, her body seeking out something she could not find but his mouth striving to compensate, to give her what she needed. It was heavenly and seemed to last an eternity, the sensations building up till everything but them faded away, all sensations muted. She felt him move to, thrusting his hips against the edge of the table, making it rattle in a way that spoke of his sheer brute force. It was heady to have someone like Rumplestiltskin, who had always strived to don the mask of a gentleman around her, be so unhinged, so animalistic. More than anything it was that complete loss of control what drove her over the edge. She cried out, feeling her inner muscles coil and her senses spiral out of control, her orgasm leaving her dizzy. It seemed to last forever and not nearly long enough. She laid there for a while after the feeling passed, feeling satisfied and wanting at the same time. A few seconds later he also keened, slumping against her still-parted legs, his hair tickling the soft skin of her inner thighs.

They lay that way for what seemed like ages, while they scrambled to try and collect themselves. The afterglow did not feel awkward or uncomfortable, and it loosened up her tongue enough to venture out that she had hoped for an even more intimate act, a joining that was even deeper than what they had done.

 “A deal for such a prize would have to involve all my deepest secrets, my most valuable truths.” He paused, pressing his forehead against the silky inside of her thigh, like a penitent would. “One day, perhaps.”

...

“Do you want to meet? I think it’s time.”

The orgasm had mellowed him out, otherwise he was sure he would’ve at least panicked a little bit. But in the afterglow of what they had just shared, albeit virtually, a meeting did not seem like such a bad idea. In hushed voices they arranged the time and place, tomorrow at a café and bistro in Boston. Nice and public, for both their safety. They knew both lived near Boston, so it seemed natural to pick the city. The drive wasn’t too bad, and he hoped it wasn’t a great inconvenience to her either.

Reluctantly they said their goodbyes, both trying to prolong the moment a bit more till they were both close to nodding off. With a final, reluctant goodbye they both disconnected, leaving Gold to clean himself up and make his way home. With his rumpled suit, disheveled hair and five o’clock shadow it must have looked like the walk of shame. It certainly didn’t feel that way.

...

He woke up in a happy mood, perhaps the best in a long time. Far from feeling stupid or embarrassed about his little bit of roleplaying-turned-porn-session he felt smug, empowered by the notion that he had made a smart, desirable woman come with only his voice and imagination. He felt like he was on the brink of something, as if an exciting possibility was opening up for him. 

He went about his day with a bit of a spring in his step, though most citizens of Storybrooke would be pressed to notice. It was only when he saw the book on gardening he was due to return to the library that afternoon- his two Moth orchids had developed small water-soaked spots on the leaves and he had wanted to consult some verified sources instead of relying exclusively on Google search results- that his mood dampened somewhat. As nice as last night had been- bloody fantastic rather- it did make him sad, somewhat, to give up his crush on Belle French. However unattainable it was still nice to have it, that bit of feeling that did not need to be reciprocated to be real. It had been nice to feel something for someone for a change, to look forward to each smile and each small conversation. But it wouldn’t be right, and what he had now was more valuable in any case. Perhaps, with time, he would grow out of his infatuation with the librarian and they could be friends. That would be rather lovely.

He crossed the street towards the library around three o’clock, wanting to beat the rush caused by children being let off school, a busy time for one of the only kid-friendly places in Storybrooke. There were some patrons about, and the afternoon light made the library look truly beautiful. Miss French truly worked miracles with her limited budget.

He found her easily, shelving a few books in the poetry section, and tried not to preen when she smiled widely at him.

“Mr Gold, hi! Always a pleasure. Here to return a book?”

The librarian was always sunny and welcoming, but she looked even happier that day, an excited sort of energy practically rolling off of her in waves. Thank goodness he had decided to give up on his silly little crush, otherwise he might have buckled under the power of her brightness. 

“Yes. And you look particularly happy today, Miss French, if I might say so.”

The librarian smiled even more, if possible, and leaned close, as if to tell him a secret.

“I have a date tonight.”

It hurt, the slightest bit, the shock making him take a step back, but less than it would have yesterday. And perhaps, he reasoned, this would be good. This would put them both in the path of becoming friends, allowing him to leave his crush behind much faster. He forced himself to enquire politely after the lucky man, listening as she talked about someone she had been flirting with for a long time now, and it seemed like the relationship was finally ready for the next step.

“I’m really happy. And very nervous. It feels like such a risk, after all this time building something that could easily fizzle out with a first date. But I’ve always believed in doing the brave thing, and bravery will follow. It’s what my mother always said.”

She had turned back to shelve a book as she finished the last sentence, so thankfully she did not see his jaw drop and his eyes widen, his surprise so visible no one could’ve missed it. His heart lurched in his chest, sheer and sudden panic making it difficult to breathe. Fuck. Fuck. It wasn’t possible. Belle was Beauty. Belle was Beauty. He tried to contradict the notion in his head but he had known Beauty’s British accent was passable but fake, and it made sense for him not to have identified her voice when she usually spoke with her natural Australian drawl, something he associated so closely with her. Everything else he had ever found out about Beauty, in and out of the D&D setting, coincided with what he knew, or thought he knew, about the librarian, one of the reasons why he had developed a crush on her in the first place.

The initial shock was followed by a spike of elation and then a sinking feeling of dread. He needed to cancel. She would be disappointed, but more disappointed if he didn’t and she realised her crush was a man a good deal older than her that was known for being the town monster. It would be awkward and she would not be able to escape him after it, both doomed to meet each other often, given the small size of the town. He could not put her through that.

He stopped himself then, noticing the familiar dark turn of his thoughts, dipped in so much self-loathing it was almost stifling. And he wondered if he really was thinking about Belle or about himself. Being a coward, taking the easy way out. He thought about how he had woken up, the world full of promise and the future bright with the possibility of something great on the horizon. And how he had felt brave last night, to leap into something that had been so worth it. Perhaps it was time to be brave more often. Do something, however small. Put the ball in her court, somehow.

“I wish you the best of luck, then. Perhaps some other time, if you’re not too busy, you could pop into my shop. I have a few antique books I feel you would appreciate.”

It was a nice recovery, and he was happy to see her smile, apparently welcoming the proposition. Everyone knew Mr Gold’s shop was only to be entered when making deals. He didn’t really allow idle perusal of his stock and no one had the money or interest to buy his antiques. His business was conducted mostly with people from major cities on the East Coast.

“Wow, an open invitation to traipse into Mr Gold’s shop, that’s not something one sees everyday. What do you want in return? I hear only deals can grant you access to the shop.”

She made sure to make it clear she was joking, something he appreciated. Feeling emboldened by her kind gesture he adopted a slightly higher pitch and replied:

“Oh, nothing much. Companionship, perhaps a game of chess, some good wine, conversation and the like.”

Being close enough he got to see as it dawned on her, as her brain quickly processed what he had said and where she had heard it before. And he knew, knew because of the way she looked at him, as if she did not recognise him, as if he was a brand new person to her, that she understood the implication, what he had meant to tell her without actually telling her. 

“Hope to see you soon, then. Good luck with the date.”

He turned around before he could second-guess himself, feeling terrified by what he had exposed but satisfied at the same time. This way it was Belle’s choice to show up. For all she knew he had no idea that she was Beauty. She could make up an excuse and simply not meet her, and their worlds would never merge. If she did not want to pursue anything between them all she had to do is cancel the date, or not show up. He would respect her decision and never push for anything, or acknowledge their online relationship in the real world.

He sent her an email just as he was about to get into his car, letting her know that he understood that this meeting was a bit of a risk and he would understand if she backed out at the last minute. There were other things he could do in Boston, and he was not adverse to having dinner by himself. And they could still be friends, no matter what she decided. He was halfway to Boston when he heard his cell phone ping, letting him know he had a new email. As he expected, it was from Beauty:

“I’m on my way. Can’t wait to meet you! See you soon.”

He smiled.

[niceness6of9gemini]

So check this out; I’ve been watching like those silly rap battle videos with like video game characters and stuff and I got bored at work so I decided to make a rap battle between Darth Revan from Knights of the Old Republic against My MC from Hogwarts mystery. Why these 2? The rap will explain it. Enjoy 😉

RAP BATTLE

Darth Revan

vs

Jacob’s Sibling (Isaac Rose)

Darth Revan:

A long time ago before the age of Vader

I was the ruling Sith Lord, eventually a Sith slayer

So what makes you think you can duel against me?

Darth Malak’s Master against a psychic pre-teen?

Such a Gary Stu and a talentless hack

Skye Parkins lied because your quidditch skills are wack

I trained in the ways of the Force by Bastilla when you couldn’t even watch your own best friends backs.

Are you Demented? Hearing the cries of your mother

Only took you 5 Chapters to even rescue your own brother.

Had my Duel of Fates with an outstanding face off

You morph into a bird; I take flight on The Ebon Hawk.

From Dantooine right to Korriban

Dominate the swoop tracks; not afraid of the sand.

My Crew is strapped while yours waves around sticks

100 house points won’t even save you from this.

MC (Isaac Rose):

Your raps are worse than lectures from my father

I lost friends but I didn’t abandon my daughter.

You’re so Deathly Hallow; with your hood and your mask on

Mind your feeling towards Bastilla; why don’t you just Jack off.

You better lock the doors so no one sees you two kissing

When I’m done

Your memory won’t be the only thing you’re missing

All that Sith training?

Gone!

You’re just a rookie.

I’m just Force Shocked that you translate your Wookie.

I’m a legend before Harry I’m the best.

Your story dragged longer than your damn side quests.

Fought Chimera’s and Spiders in a 3 year set.

While your Mission is to be a Grey Jedi…Vette.

I’ll give you one thing; Kreia is a better prophet.

Meanwhile Professor Trelawny is missing plugs from her sockets

I’m American 🇺🇸

But won’t hesitate to call you a ruffian.

How many times did it take your crew to Raid some Tuskins?

Darth Revan:

We arm up, level up and go into motion.

While you needed some guidance to make some Polyjuice Potion.

You cry every night, are you in need of a pamper?

Tends to Fantastic Beasts yet you’re no Newt Scamander.

MC (Isaac Rose):

How long did it take for Carth to trust you? Please answer this.

Yet you let someone in as cancerous as Canderous.

It’s decades

Before Attack of the Clones…

Master Jolee Bindo?

More like Mace Win-DON’T.

Darth Revan:

Wanna talk about copies? You’re just Potter who wasn’t chosen.

I’m the Ice Knight, leaving you shivering and frozen.

You had a traitor start your Curse Breaking Career.

Screw Boggart Voldemort; I will show you true fear.

My HK droid I bought is powerful; it seems

Useful against Pedo-Wolves, Especially on a Halloween

Bought Tonks a motor bike; it needs a better rider

You beat me? Keep dreaming.

Then get eaten by spiders.

Let’s talk about your friends since you mentioned mine

Most of them got permanent detention; thanks to Merula Snyde.

You were outsmarted by Rakepick’s Niffler and it took a year to save Beatrice from that picture

Frame

You’re insane to keep secrets from Weasley’s Mama.

Circle of Khanna? More like Circle of DRAMA.

It’s funny; all you want is for someone to accept you

Yet Cedric Diggory died the moment that he met you.

MC (Issac Rose):

Don’t you DARE bring up the deaths of my friends

Or like your darkside path; I’ll make you meet your bitter end.

Cuz I matched up with Fenrir and Bellatrix, so shove it.

You’re once a Proud Sith Lord…Now the Jedi’s Puppet.

Your girlfriend is a stalker and ‘planned’ your ‘death’ too

Then became super edgy just to try to impress you

The reveal plot twist must of really have you feeling shitty.

Why don’t you relax your legs; LOCOR MOTOR WIBBLY!

Darth Revan:

Ha, Thought your spell was gonna reach that far?

When you have yet to discover the identity of ‘R’.

I wonder if JK is aware of the diversity

With her transphobia, surprised your game even went far

MC (Isaac Rose):

You’re all tell with nothing left to show

It’s why all your fans moved to the MMO.

My story has one ending, I get to rejoice.

But for you Darth Revan; it’s your choice.