#this took me forever though sorryyy i hope you like it

[burntpink]

@matialonsorphoto ˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

[daybreakx]

✑ pairing: bodyguard! hwiyoung x fem! reader. 

✑ genre: enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, slow burn.

✑ warnings for this part: minor car accident, blood, mentions of murder, fighting, break ups, guns, politics(?). lmk if i missed any! hyphens (–) and asterisks (✳︎) are used to separate paragraphs since tumblr won’t let me add the proper space.

✑ word count: 5.6k (sorryyy I won’t make the next parts this long)

✑ a/n: i know this is a very long shot, but i hope you enjoy this fic as much as i am enjoying writing it. very special thanks  to @itsjeonghananon who puts up with me, my rambles, and my google docs shenanigans and read this before anyone else!♡ also please spare a reblog for this poor content creator. thanks!

membership holders: @milkybonya @pinutbutterjelly @kristyxoxo @naminalati @lolalee24​♡

ALL IT TOOK to get Hwiyoung in your life was a dent in your car. Well, to be fair it was a little bit more than a dent in your car, but at least it hadn’t been totaled. 

And it hadn’t been your fault. 

Some ass ran the red light, crashed into the passenger side of your beautiful BMW, dragging you to the other side of the street and then, had the audacity to run away. It sounds worse than it was, really. Of course your dad obsessed about it though, thinking someone had done it on purpose because you were his daughter. 

Senator y/ln’s—and future Governor y/ln— daughter, had obviously become a target. Took long enough, a couple months of campaign and a few years being a Senator. It didn’t matter how many times you told him it had been an accident. It was raining and the stupid driver hadn’t seen the light changing to red, they’d gotten scared once they realized what type of car was now embedded in the opposite corner of the street and therefore, ran away so as to not to pay for the damage. 

You didn’t need a bodyguard, or more like a babysitter. You were old enough to take care of yourself and it had been one accident. 

But no, since a few days ago and probably until forever, you were stuck with Hwiyoung 24/7. 

“Please do not take that with you,” you requested, trying to input as much authority as you could muster into your voice while giving a pointed look to Hwiyoung’s gun holster, under his suit jacket.

“I have to.” Hwiyoung replied, in that it’s-so-obvious tone he gave you almost every time he talked to you. Which wasn’t very often. 

From the moment he met you, Hwiyoung seemed to have already made up his mind about you. So all he’d said was his name and how he would take ‘really good care’ of you, this being mostly directed at your dad, because he gave him the job and it was Hwiyoung’s duty to keep it now. 

“No, you don’t,” you insisted, pointing to the gun directly with your right hand. The one that wasn’t wrapped up in a black brace, still from the car thing. “Leave it.”

“No.” Hwiyoung’s upper lip twitched slightly in annoyance. You two held this discussion every single day before you left the house. “Are you ready to go–” he seemed to dig the word out of the depths of his throat before letting it out. “Miss?”

Hwiyoung had taken the job because he needed it, not because he wanted it. He needed to get out of Chanhee’s apartment, to stop sleeping on his couch and taking on the underground fighting challenges anyone threw his way just to be able to ‘help a little’ with the rent. 

He’d hit rock bottom six months before. Lost his job, his girlfriend and his pride. Former detective Kim Hwiyoung had fucked up, after the system let one of the animals he took so much pride in chasing, walk free after murdering his whole family. Hwiyoung had lost it although it wasn’t the first time it happened, that they let a man live without consequence. But he’d almost jumped the accused in court, it had taken three officials to hold him back and then he’d been suspended. 

Hwiyoung became angry, disobedient and to be honest, slightly violent. And after three reports for insubordination, a gunshot wound that kept him in the hospital for two weeks and his partner begging for another person—anyone really— to take Hwiyoung’s place, they gave him the boot.

Iseul left him when the underground fighting started. She couldn’t and didn’t have to put up with him. Yes, she loved him and she’d said so even as she left the promise ring he gifted her on their third anniversary on the kitchen table. No screaming, no fighting, nothing from either side. 

Hwiyoung sometimes thought he should have fought. Or better yet, begged. Begged her not to leave him, promised that he would change and stop coming home with bloody knuckles, slashed eyebrows and busted lips. But he didn’t, because he knew he wouldn't keep the promise longer than a week.

–

“Not until you leave that,” you pressed. “Now.”

“I’ve already said no,” he ran two fingers through his black hair, something he did every time he was starting to get pissed. Opening the SUV’s door, he signaled inside. “You don’t want to be late.”

You didn’t want to be late, no. But you didn’t want him carrying a gun around not ever. It made you anxious and frankly, he wouldn’t need it. What exactly was he keeping you safe from? Nothing suspicious had happened to you before the car accident, so Hwiyoung’s presence was useless. It would have sufficed with a chauffeur, not a bodyguard.

You cringed to yourself the moment the thought crossed your mind. 

Spoiled brat.

Not that you acted like that usually, but you knew it still would come across wrong. 

Hwiyoung looked at you through the rearview mirror, like he’d guessed what you thought and agreed with you. So you looked away, emphasizing the scowl on your lips as he left the house’s garage. 

_

“Oh, he’s so handsome!” your friend gushed, leaning over the mimosa on her side of the table one inch away from spilling it all over.

“Eh,” you replied, shrugging. You knew exactly what she was looking at, or who. Hwiyoung a few tables away, already on his fourth cup of coffee, looking around the restaurant and letting his gaze fall over the two of you exactly every two minutes. “I guess so.”

“You guess so?” Aya raised her eyebrows, grabbing the mimosa and sipping it. “Girl he’s literally—”

“Don’t, please.”

You’d heard it once, so you heard it a thousand times. Every place you went to, everyone spoke about how tall and handsome Hwiyoung had to watch your back, and that had to be some sort of lucky strike. Having to hang out with someone like that must be amazing.

Only it wasn’t. But it didn’t matter that you said Hwiyoung was bitter and lowkey rude, everyone in their right mind could overlook that, focusing only on the stray strand of black hair that fell in the middle of his forehead, his dark eyes and broad shoulders, his figure accentuated by the black suit he wore per your father’s orders. 

“Fine,” Aya made a scene of capturing her lower lip as she pronounced the ‘f’. “But he is.”

A glare from you and a laugh on her part and Hwiyoung was back at staring at the two of you.

“Whatever, really.” you sipped your own mimosa, glad that since the weekend was approaching Hwiyoung and you could take a break from each other. Or as much a break that living in the same property allowed. 

✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎

Hwiyoung was back on Chanhee’s couch on Friday night. At least this time it wasn’t out of need, he just wanted to hang out with his friend. Okay, honestly he needed to hang out with his best friend. 

“So,” Chanhee started, leaving a newly opened bottle of beer right next to the one Hwiyoung had just emptied. “Tough week at work?”

Hwiyoung groaned, his lips on the new brown bottle already.

“I’ll take that as a yes,”

“She’s a princess. It’s—” gross? exhausting? his only damned chance at getting back on his feet and that’s why he hated it?

But there was also the fact that he did think of you as a princess. All he’d done all week was follow you around brunch dates with noisy—and nosy— friends, shopping, public events where your main task was to smile and wave and pose for photographs next to your father. 

At least now he had a house, or something like it. A one-bedroom-and-kitchen-mini-thing on the oh so prestigious y/ln realm. At least he had a salary which he got paid by the week, meaning he paid off his debt to Chanhee the moment he showed up at the apartment that night. 

So yeah, after being a Homicides Detective he was taking care of a spoiled brat, Iseul wouldn’t talk to him and he still felt like he would go crazy from time to time. But at least he wasn’t sleeping on a couch anymore. 

And the fighting had stopped. Although he didn’t want it to, it was a release every time he was in that filthy, illegal ring. But he couldn’t afford to go to work looking like he’d taken (and given) a beating.

“They’re the new royalty, that family,” Chani said plopping down next to him on the couch. “But at least you’re getting paid.”

Hwiyoung rolled his eyes. It was true, his boss was the soon to be king of the city and of course the daughter would be the princess. Both of them already believed themselves in that role, what could be different once it was made official? Senator y/ln had everyone in his pocket already. 

“Not enough,” he said bitterly, gulping the beer down and suddenly really, really missing being in the ring, getting his hands dirty. 

THE DINNER PARTY was going to take place at the Crown Hotel’s main ballroom. One of the last ones your dad offered as the campaign closing approached. Everything and anything to thank his team and supporters.  And of course you had to attend. Because voters loved seeing a happy family and a faithful daughter supporting her father on his way to (even greater) success. So there you were on a  warm Friday night, in a dress far more expensive than needed be, sitting next to your father while he spoke to whomever he deemed important to assure him a win in the election. 

Your father was a good person, and he loved you, of course. Otherwise he wouldn’t have forced you to keep Hwiyoung by your side for two months now. Hwiyoung, who looked bored out of his mind as he stood in the corners of the room, switching positions with the rest of the security team every few minutes so they all could have a look around and probably not fall asleep on the post.

But your father was also ambitious and sometimes appearances mattered to him more than they should. And he didn’t care that sometimes instead of his daughter, you were his tool. Because young people could feel related to you, and you looked delighted in every picture the press took of you and the way you looked didn’t hurt either. It was a running joke—one you abhorred—that you were the visual attraction of the campaign, and that your father got requests for your hand in marriage very often. 

You could only hope that his ambition didn’t cloud his judgment enough to actually sell his own daughter out.

“I think I should go home,” you whispered to your father, as the ballroom started to clear out. Only the very important people would remain behind and the politics discussions that would take place were not of your interest. Plus, you had to be up early the next day.

Your father squeezed your arm gently, thanking you for joining him before placing a kiss on your cheek. “Make sure Kim calls when you get home safely,”

You nodded. “Good luck.”

A signal from your father’s hand and Hwiyoung was on the move, ready to escort you back to the car. He didn’t say a word, but that wasn’t unusual. After two months on the job, you were used to him only speaking when necessary, his range going from ‘yes, miss’ ‘no, miss’ and ‘ok’. 

You walked behind Hwiyoung to the underground parking lot, holding the lower part of your dress so as not to trip while the voices of your father’s team became more distorted with the distance. Arriving at the lobby, you were met by a crowd of photographers, the hotel’s security struggling to make them leave and stop disturbing the rest of the guests. 

You smiled at them politely as Hwiyoung parted the crowd, lips curling when reporters got too close or too loud, shouting questions on what you were going to do if your father became the Governor, or how you were going to spend his (and the city’s) money. You made no reply, there had been worse things shouted at you and written about you in the papers. Including the exaggeration of the accident where they said you totaled the BMW, but didn’t care because daddy would buy you a new one in the blink of an eye.

Finally, you got rid of them as you took the elevator to the parking lot. Sighing you let yourself rest against the cool railing in the back of the cube, you were exhausted. Hwiyoung looked at you over his shoulder, his eyes becoming smaller as he took in your tiredness, he was judging you. 

“Did I do something to offend you?” you questioned as he opened the door of the SUV. Your BMW was good as new now, but on nights like these you still used the SUVs for security reasons. “Hwiyoung?”

His eyes, lost somewhere behind you as he held the door open, focused on you. “Why would you ask that, miss?”

“Well, you seem to dislike me more than usual tonight. Did I do something to offend you on this fine, and extremely busy workday?” you made sure your words dripped sarcasm, and remained with your feet on the greasy parking lot floor.

“Is this fun for you? Provoking your employees?” Hwiyoung scowled.

“Only when my employees hate their job yet for some reason won’t quit.” 

Hwiyoung was losing his patience, and it was very likely that, if he hadn't been interrupted by the car that was directing its headlights at the two of you, you would have kicked him out of the job. He bit the words threatening to spill back, squinting at the car to get a look at the driver, but it was impossible.

“Please get in,” he said then, not liking the way the lights were still focused on you. 

“Fine.”

You’re both inside in ten seconds, Hwiyoung turned the car on, its own headlights making it impossible to distinguish the car that was watching you as it leaves the parking lot before you.

“I can tell that you hate me,” you were watching him through the rearview mirror, noticing his grip on the steering wheel tightening at your words. “Your mind was made up even before your first day in this job, and I guess mine is made up now. So just do your job and try not to look so fucking bitter to have me around.”

Hwiyoung didn’t talk back, biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. The metallic taste was the only thing that kept him focused on the way to your house as he avoided meeting your penetrating gaze in the mirror. 

“You’re spoiled,” he said after you had descended from the van and he’d shut the door with enough force to make the windows rumble. “You act like your life is difficult when all you have to do is smile and wave while looking pretty.”

“You’re right, I look damn good doing it,” you retorted, a dismissive gesture from your hand accompanying your words as you walked to the exit of the garage. “It’s kind of disappointing you couldn’t find a more original reason to hate me, Hwiyoung. I guess you’re as bright as they come.”

The insult stung, but he didn’t want to dig his grave deeper, so Hwiyoung gritted his teeth and stalked on the opposite direction you did, towards his stupid guest house.

IT WAS THE MONEY. It was obvious now, the reason Hwiyoung stayed under your father’s orders and in charge of your protection was the money. Once you realized that, it would be easier to deal with him, or so you thought. 

“We’re not going to have this discussion again,” Hwiyoung warned the moment he noticed the way you were eyeing the gun on his side. 

“Leave it,” you said all the same. 

“No,” 

You took a deep breath, looking at your watch. “I’ll double this week’s payment if you leave the gun today.”

Hwiyoung stopped to consider. Well, money was never enough. He could eventually use it to, what? Move away? Get a motorcycle? He wasn’t stupid enough to think money would bring Iseul back.

Iseul whom he missed most in the world and—

“Yes or no,” you stopped his train of thought in a second, making his attention return fully. “Simple question.”

“Fine,” Hwiyoung unfastened the holster tightened in the middle of his abdomen, before running back to his room to put it in the safe. All he would probably have to deal with were nosy reporters and your equally rich friends, he wouldn’t need the gun, and he was able to handle himself pretty well without it either way.

You were already inside the van when he came back, pressuring him to hurry up the moment he opened the driver’s door. 

Hwiyoung took a deep breath. Maybe if he had enough money he wouldn’t move away. He would just quit, like you’d suggested the night at the hotel, a couple weeks back.

“Please follow the GPS route I sent to your cell,” you indicated, your mood completely shifted due the lack of argument. See, things could go peacefully with Hwiyoung if he just listened.

“Sure, miss.” he replied, not even bothering to stare at you from the mirror this time. 

✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎

You stared at Hwiyoung for a long moment once you got out of the car. The BMW obviously stood out in the street, but you knew it was safe to leave it there, you’d come here a hundred times before.

“What?” he asked, opening his jacket to show you once again he wasn’t carrying a weapon. Which, to be honest was a lie, he had a pocket knife on the inside of the jacket. 

“Nothing. Let’s go,” you signaled the gray building down the street where you’d parked, making your way towards it without making sure Hwiyoung followed. 

Hwiyoung looked around, already expecting the reporters around. He had figured since he saw the address on his phone that this was another one of your incredibly important PR stunts where the princess of the city needed to be accessible and a saint at the same time. 

You glanced at him one last time before knocking on the door of the orphanage. Hwiyoung rolled his eyes behind you, if you asked him to take pictures of you himself… 

“Oh, hi y/n!” a woman in her late forties chirped as soon as she opened the door, “It’s great to see you.”

“Hi,” you smiled gently at her too, “I’m sorry for taking so long to come back, I had a couple issues and… well, nevermind.” 

“We still got everything you sent, thank you,” the woman squeezed your shoulder in a friendly gesture before fixing her eyes on your companion. “Hwang Narae,” she offered her hand.

Hwiyoung looked at you first but since you didn’t immediately say he was your employee, he took the woman’s hand. “Hwiyoung.”

A little girl popped her head from behind the woman’s legs, looking at Hwiyoung first since they were still shaking hands and then at you. “y/n!” her scream was piercing as she pushed both Narae and Hwiyoung out of the way to hug your legs.

“Hi Bora!”

Hwiyoung couldn’t help but frown as you lifted the small girl in your arms, her already speaking about everything you had missed in the month you hadn’t visited the place. Everyone seemed so familiar with you, it was strange. They all seemed to ignore your last name. He looked around again, expecting the reporters to come walking down the street already taking pictures before you disappeared inside. But they never came. 

You spent the morning reading to kids who stared at him suspiciously, before whispering in your ear and asking who he was. Your answer every time being ‘a friend who watches my back’. 

Hwiyoung stood back most of the time, only moving when a new volunteer arrived. He stared at them from afar and then returned his attention back to you as you let kids braid your hair and show you drawings. 

“Would it bother you to read for them with me?” you asked, showing him a book with a couple of bears on the cover. “They want a boy in the boy voice, I am offended, to be honest.”

Hwiyoung suppressed a smile as the kids looked at the both of you. “Why don’t you ask another volunteer? I have to keep my attention on–”

You frowned, there was only one other male volunteer and he honestly gave you the creeps a lot of the time. But Narae said he was good at fixing broken things, that's why he kept coming. “It will take ten minutes, Hwiyoung. And I really don’t want to ask someone else.”

“Fine,” he eyed the kids and nodded. “Let’s do it.”

Hwiyoung and you read some stories to the kids, taking turns at making the voices. Hwiyoung was trying his best not to burst out laughing every time you exaggerated your voice and kids asked him several times to read his with more enthusiasm, but in the end it turned out well. 

It was a brief moment as you closed the book and sent the kids to get ready for their lunch, that Hwiyoung thought you weren’t that bad. Everyone knew you and appreciated you, knowing you were there to help without looking for anything in return, not even publicity. You were still stuck-up, annoying and spoiled, but maybe not all of you was like that.

Narae approached quickly, a hand to her mouth while another volunteer led the kids to the dining room. 

“What’s wrong?” Hwiyoung asked, noticing the tension in her demeanor. 

“Um, something happened— the car—”

Hwiyoung told you to wait inside while he ran out to the street. He could hear the alarm as he ran to the car, and for a moment, he really wished he had a gun. Someone had tried and practically succeeded to destroy your precious BMW. All the windows were broken, the windshield caved towards the inside and the headlights completely shattered. But not even that was the worst part. 

The worst part was the word ‘WHORE’ keyed on the driver’s door. 

IT WAS USELESS to try and convince your father that nothing was happening. Especially when Narae had called the police before you could advise her against it and Hwiyoung needed to call the rest of the security team to pick you up, and they had realized he didn’t have his gun. 

So all hell broke loose in 20 minutes and it continued on to the evening, when your father losing his mind again, yelled at everyone on sight, taking a great amount of time on Hwiyoung himself. 

“What if the freak had still been around huh?” your father’s hand came down on the table, hard enough to make you flinch, even as you listened from upstairs. But Hwiyoung didn’t even flinch, he had been on your father’s side of the table countless times before at his old job. He wasn’t easily intimidated. “You couldn’t have done anything to protect my daughter, because you thought it a good a idea to leave your fucking gun!”

You had explained it had been your idea the moment the rest of the security team realized Hwiyoung was unarmed. You didn’t want a gun around children, this wasn’t supposed to happen and Hwiyoung didn’t have to take the blame for anything. 

But everyone refused to listen to you. 

“I should fire you right now!” another hit on the table, “You can’t even do your job right!”

Hwiyoung remained silent. He had given his version too, saying you were absolutely right about not wanting a weapon in the orphanage and added that he had a pocket knife anyway, but it didn’t matter. According to everyone you could have gotten killed and he was useless. 

“Get out of my sight,” your father finally lowered his voice, “I don’t have time to deal with you right now. But don’t get too comfortable, you might still be out of here by tomorrow.”

Hwiyoung nodded calmly, yet as he kept his hands inside his pockets, they turned into fists. 

✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎

HWIYOUNG TOOK THE hit directly to the jaw, his bare back hitting the dirt with a thud. One side of the crowd cheered while the other half booed, a few voices louder than the rest encouraged him to get up. They had bet a lot of money on him, and he was letting them down. 

Spitting blood to the dirt, he got up. The guy, his nickname was ‘Brick’ or something like that, was already smiling in triumph. Hwiyoung inhaled sharply, shaking the remnants of his dizziness.

What did it matter if it looked like he’d taken a beating at this point? Mr. y/ln had said he could still be out of the house by the next morning. Which brought him back to the exact place he’d tried to escape in the past months: rock bottom. 

No job.

He took a hit to the ribs, not without sinking his own fist in Brick’s stomach’s tender flesh. 

No girlfriend.

He wasn’t an idiot, he knew money wouldn’t bring Iseul back. But the day he went to see her, when he needed to be reminded that Iseul was completely different from you, that he dealt with you to get back on his feet. To show Iseul he was coming back from whatever dark place he’d fallen and they could rebuild what was between them. 

Hwiyoung never thought that it wouldn’t be Iseul who opened the apartment that they used to share, but an incredibly tall guy who stood there awkwardly as he looked at Hwiyoung in his work suit before Iseul came to the door and told Hwiyoung they couldn’t talk, not right then and apparently, not ever again.

Sweat dripped from his temple and covered the rest of his body by then. What did anything matter anymore? He slid away from the guy’s grip, turning around in the same fluid movement ready to meet him when he came back, his leg meeting Brick’s middle once again. 

The crowd cheered for Hwiyoung again when he elbowed the guy in the back and booed when he got brought to the ground again as Brick hugged his legs, and he kicked and kicked, finally making contact with his knee onto this night’s enemy’s nose with a gruesome crack. 

“You’re done!” The poor excuse of a referee this place had helped Brick up, blood, snot and tears already staining the rest of his face and down his bare chest.

Hwiyoung spat again, cracking his neck once he was back on his feet. His left eye was already swelling and he was sure the thing running down his temple wasn’t just sweat. But he’d won, he could afford a new week on Chani’s couch. 

“I need my money,” he said, throwing his shirt on.

The guy, still attending to Brick’s broken nose, threw him a bunch of bills tied together by a rubber band. “You should go missing again if you’re going to play like this,” he spat. 

Hwiyoung snorted. He wasn’t even the dirtiest player in the ring. “Or he should learn not to celebrate beforehand,” and anyway, he’d brought Hwiyoung to the ground dirty. Not that there were many rules in this fighting ring anyway.

“Get out of here,” the referee growled. It wasn’t just Hwiyoung that made him furious, he had to pay all of those who’d bet on him too.

“Gladly.”

YOU RAN OUT of the house as soon as you saw the lights on Hwiyoung’s guest house on. Although you were curious about where the hell he’d been all evening after the argument with your father, what was driving you to meet him was paying off your debt. And letting him know your father was not going to fire him, you had talked him down a few hours before, when he finally decided to listen to reason.

“I am telling you, dad,” you said, arms crossed above your chest. “It was not his fault. I did not want a gun around children, and I stand by it. When I go back to the orphanage he will be unarmed again.”

“You could have been seriously hurt,” your father didn’t raise his voice the way he’d done with Hwiyoung. Instead, he sounded exhausted. “And he wouldn’t have been able to do anything in case whoever did that to your car…”

“Dad, you didn’t hire him just because he could fire a gun, did you?”

To be honest, you had absolutely no idea what Hwiyoung used to do before he took this job. However, you knew your dad had seen something in him and whatever qualifications he had to hire him to take care of you, his precious daughter. 

“No but—”

“It would be unfair if you fired him, I’m just saying.”

“He cannot put you in danger again—”

“No one could have known what was going to happen, please dad. I believe I need him now, okay? I will stop complaining about having a bodyguard if Hwiyoung can keep his job.” you were surprised by your own words, but you felt guilty about getting him fired when a big part of the trouble had been caused by your coercing. 

Plus, what if the next bodyguard your father got you hated you more than Hwiyoung? You couldn’t go through the whole issue again. You had reached a certain level of understanding with Hwiyoung, you would rather keep it that way.

“Fine. But this is the last time.” your father agreed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎

You knocked on Hwiyoung’s door twice. Tapping your door against the entryway as you heard shuffling inside. 

“What?” Hwiyoung opened the door, clearly expecting someone else.

“What the hell happened to you?” you gasped, pushing the door open before he could shut it on your face.

“Are you here to tell me I’m fired?” Hwiyoung asked, his gaze following you as you made your way to the small bathroom. Probably checking he hadn’t left bloodstains that wouldn’t come off.

“Shut up,” you said, opening the bathroom cabinet. “Who did that to you?”

“Myself,” Hwiyoung held the door open, “You know, firing someone doesn’t usually take long. You can get started now.”

“You’re not fired,” you scoffed, grabbing bandages and antiseptic, both packaged unopened. “Yet.”

Hwiyoung tried to smile with irony, but winced. “You know, I was about to go to bed so it would be great if—”

“Sit down Hwiyoung,” you said, getting out of the bathroom. “You’re going to get an infection or something. Where the hell were you?”

“I can do this myself,” he said, still standing by the doorway. “I do not need you to play nurse.”

“Were you going to do it?” you raised an eyebrow at him, “You would have started by now.”

“I can do it now.”

“You know what? I’d like to play nurse and fire you at the same time. Humor me.” you pointed at the kitchen chairs and Hwiyoung finally shut the door. It was clear you weren’t leaving.

“Who taught you to fight?” you kicked his leg softly, standing between them as he spread on the chair reluctantly. 

Hwiyoung snorted, regretting it immediately as you dabbed a cotton ball against the cut on his forehead. “Are you seeing me? What makes you think I can fight?”

Dropping the cotton ball, you grabbed his hand. There was dried blood on his knuckles, indication that he’d gotten at least a few punches in.

“Lucky strikes,” he muttered, in a slight mocking tone. “We all have them.”

“Oh, so we should tell the police you got assaulted then?”

Hwiyoung took his hand back, like you’d burnt him. “No.”

“I have a feeling the other guy ended up worse, didn’t he?” you pointed at the knee of his pants, where Brick’s blood had dried up. “So you know how to fight.”

Hwiyoung rolled his eyes. “And?”

“And you’re going to teach me,” you moved on to clean the trail of blood from the corner of his mouth to his jaw. 

This time, Hwiyoung laughed audibly, grabbing his ribs when pain shot through them. 

“I’m not joking,” you poked his swollen cheekbone and he winced. “After today it’s clear I’m in danger. You’re keeping your job and this proves even more useful,”

“Seriously?” he questioned, although he wasn’t sure if he meant that he was keeping his job or that you really wanted to learn how to throw punches. 

“You cannot go back to wherever you did this,” you warned, shaking your head. “Do you understand?”

“What makes you think I’ll accept to stay?” 

You had walked away, opening the small fridge to try and find something he could put on his closing eye. “Because you still need the money, don’t you?”

Hwiyoung bit his tongue as you returned with a frozen package of vegetables he’d never gotten around to cook.

“Yes or no, simple question,” you said like you’d done hours prior. 

“Yes.”

“Then it’s settled. Put this on and tomorrow, when everyone notices you look like shit, say you broke up a bar fight.”

“Of course, boss,” the fact that you helped him didn’t mean he’d lose his sarcasm. 

You looked at the mess around the kitchen and shook your head. He could at least clean up after you had patched him. 

“And take a shower, you stink.” you conveyed, scowling.

Hwiyoung watched you leave, holding the vegetables against his face. He didn’t notice the money you left on the kitchen table until the next morning, inside a white envelope with his name on it in your handwriting.

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[seulgiology]

still with you ┃jeon jungkook

pairings: idol!jungkook x non-idol!reader

words: 2.6k

genre: fluff :)

synopsis: you miss jungkook while he’s away on tour, but he reminds you that he is still with you no matter what. 

warnings: cute shit ahead, angst if you squint, might make you smile.

a/n: ahhh omg admin 2 is here to save the day. june has been a really shitty month for us when it comes to giving you guys some fics and we’re sorryyy. butttt here is some jk fluff inspired by his song still with you, bc omg it is so good and i listen to it like all the time lmao. when i listened to it, i got inspired to write a little oneshot ahaha. okay this is getting long lmao, love you all <3.

disclaimer: This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, idols, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

--

The low music playing is what motivates you to get out of bed. You walk over to the vinyl player in your room to turn it off and when you do, you slump against the dresser with a tired sigh and rub your eyes. 

You can’t sleep.

That was the conclusion you came to after trying to fall asleep but failing, and here you are thirty minutes later. You had eaten dinner, took a hot shower, and even played a vinyl to help you sleep but even that rendered useless. You knew the cause of your restlessness was because your boyfriend wasn’t home and was overseas on tour still. 

It was a hard transition at first, getting used to your boyfriend being out of the country for tours. Some would think that after years of being together, you would’ve gotten used to it but they don’t understand how had it is. Since you’re already used to Jungkook being apart of your everyday life, it is hard when suddenly he’s gone for sometimes months. 

Even though at times you would fly out to wherever he was to attend a concert or see him. There are video calls whenever you two can and texting every day when he’s not busy. But, there was nothing like being in his presence. At times it was hard for you to fall asleep because he wasn’t there and you felt pathetic for needing him this much but you couldn’t help it.

You leave the room, the sound of your slippers being the only thing heard through the quiet house. You walk down the stairs and make your way to the kitchen, hoping some tea will help you relax some more. You fill the tea kettle with water before placing it on the stove and while you wait, you go back to your room to get your phone.

When unplugging it from the charger on your nightstand, you see two new messages from Jungkook from three minutes ago and you instinctively smile, unlocking your phone to see what he said. 

jk <3: hey baby, we just got done performing and im exhausted but happy.

jk <3: i know you’re probably sleeping but i love you and we will call when you wake up, sweet dreams baby.

A sad smile falls across your lips when reading the messages and you call him without thinking twice about it. You sit at the end of your bed and wait for him to answer the facetime call. He said he was exhausted and it was only five minutes ago so he shouldn’t be sleeping yet.

When he answers, your breath hitches at the beautiful sight of him. He’s smiling wide at the camera ad pushes some hair away from his eyes delicately. “Y/N, hey!” Jungkook is practically shouting and you hear the boys in the back yelling their greeting to you as well and you can’t help but smile.

“Hi,” you greet back in a small voice and Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice how off you sound. You watch as he bustles around and then finally sits down, where there isn’t as much noise being heard. “I didn’t know you were still at the stadium, do you want to call when you get back to the hotel?” You suggest and Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow a bit at the tone of your voice. It sounded a bit shaky and he just knew something was wrong.

“No, no it’s fine we’re not leaving for another twenty minutes. Plus, I’m riding with Jimin so I have to wait until he’s ready,” Jungkook assures with a wave of his hand and pushes some hair out of his face again, causing you to smile again. “I thought you were sleeping though. Why are you still up?” 

“I couldn’t sleep,” you admit sheepishly. You watch as Jungkook’s smile falls from his face and immediate worry crosses his features. “Ah, don’t worry Kook-ah, I just have trouble sleeping without you sometimes but I get over it.”

“Y/N…” Jungkook trails off sadly. Your eyes widen when you realize he started to worry anyways but before you could speak, he’s talking again. “We talked about this, yeah? Whenever you can’t sleep just call me, you know I’m not busy when you’re heading to sleep anyways. I always make time for you regardless,” he reminds you in a soft voice and the emotion that crashes into you makes you look down because your eyes started to tear up. 

“I know, I just don’t want you to worry about me. I should have been gotten used to this,” you whisper more to yourself, feeling even more upset. “I’m sorry,” You whisper, tears close to falling and emotion thick in your voice. 

“Y/N, hey, baby don’t cry,” Jungkook says in his soothing voice but you keep your head down, refusing to look at him. “I’m going to worry about you whenever I’m not by your side, that’s a given and that’s nothing you should be apologizing for. Don’t apologize for missing me, okay? Because I miss you too- so much,” Jungkook admits calmly and you can’t help but break down into tears. 

Jungkook is glad he has his headphones with him because he wouldn’t want the boys to hear you crying, it hurting him just not being there to hold you. He knew you took it hard whenever he had to leave and it made him feel bad sometimes but he knew you understood. 

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” you say through your sobs, and Jungkook smiles sadly at you. You finally raise your face to wipe at some tears and Jungkook stays silent, waiting for you to speak. 

“I think it’s the time we been apart, you know? This is the longest we’ve been apart and it hasn’t even been two months yet,” you laugh is painful to hear because he knows it isn’t one of humor. Your chest felt like it was caving in the more you speak and as you look at Jungkook, your heart aches knowing you can’t touch him or hear him in person. “I just really miss you,” you whisper finally.

“I know and I miss you too,” Jungkook whispers back and feels himself tearing up as well, always having been a bit more open with his feelings when it came to you. “Just another week, okay? And if you’re still up when I get to the hotel, I’ll sing you to sleep.”

“Really?” you ask in a hopeful voice and Jungkook grins at your eyes brightening a bit. He nods with a hum and you smile the tiniest but it’s enough for him. 

“I love you,” he reminds you and your heart does that little skip it always does when he tells you he loves you. “I love you too, Jungkook,” you say back, the smile he gives in return enough to make you smile wider. 

You two hang up shortly after and you shuffle back down the stairs with a heavy heart. You felt a bit better but you were still missing Jungkook. You were going to have to get used to this so this wouldn’t be a problem for him for future reference.

You turn the stove off once downstairs and push the kettle to the back because you weren’t in the mood for tea anymore. When you get back upstairs, you just lay in bed and scroll through twitter, watching little moments and fancams from the concert earlier and pride swells through you at how good Jungkook is and has gotten throughout the years.

In fifteen minutes, your phone is ringing again and Jungkook is singing you to sleep. And that night you get the best sleep you’ve gotten since he has been gone.

-- 

It was two days later and you were coming home from dinner with some friends of yours. You had stopped by the store on the way home to grab some snacks because you were running low. You close the door behind you after and kick your shoes off by the door, trading them for your house slippers. 

You flip on the light and shuffle to the kitchen, turning that light on as well. It took you a few minutes to put the snacks away and after that, you got yourself a bottle of water from the fridge. As you walk upstairs, you text Jungkook letting him know you got home from dinner and you were going to watch a movie in a few.

When you get to the bedroom, you flip the light on and start to take off your clothes. You walk in you and Jungkook’s closet and turn to his side of the closet, picking out a pair of his sweats for yourself. Just as your finishing up, the doorbell is ringing.

You pull your hair out of Jungkook’s hoodie with a confused frown, wondering who could be at the door. You jog down the stairs while running a hand through your hair cause of how messy it looked after pulling on your boyfriend’s hoodie.

You open the door without thinking and who you see standing there knocks the breath out of you. You blink a few times to try to see if your vision is blurry but he is still standing there. Holding his camera bag and a suitcase by his feet, smiling shyly at you. 

“Surprise?” Jungkook says in more of a question and your mouth opens, then shuts. You can’t speak because you’re feeling so much right now. The feeling of relief and happiness is spreading through you so fast it is becoming overwhelming. You open your mouth to speak again but quickly shut it when realizing you don’t know what to say.

Instead of speaking, you do the first thing that comes to mind. You take two steps towards him and wrap your arms around his middle, gently laying your head down on his chest and closing your eyes. Jungkook smiles from above you before hugging you back, kissing your forehead softly and swaying you two gently back and forth.

The two of you stay like that for what feels like forever before Jungkook pulls away, grabbing gently at your shoulders so he can see your face. A smile finds its way onto your face as Jungkook is already smiling down at you, tucking strands of your hair behind your left ear. 

“Hi,” you finally greet and Jungkook can’t help but laugh in relief, swooping down and capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. You’re caught off guard but kiss him back anyways, squeezing your eyes shut tightly. 

It’s a short but sweet kiss and you’re the one pulling away from it this time. You smack your lips together and smooth your hands up his chest, wrapping your arms around his neck. Jungkook is looking down at you so sweetly, your heart is starting to hurt. 

“Let’s get inside,” you suggest, and Jungkook nods, gathering his stuff and walking into the house after you. “Have you eaten?” you ask after locking the door, while Jungkook takes his shoes off. 

“No, I’m more tired than hungry,” Jungkook tells you while ruffling his fluffy hair. It makes you smile just knowing he is here with you again and a few days before he was supposed to be home anyways. Jungkook looks at you when noticing your silence and raises an eyebrow. This is when he really takes the time to realize what you’re wearing. “Are those my sweats?” he asks, amusement laced in his tone and you quickly heat up, arms wrapping around yourself.

“No!” you’re quick to say but Jungkook is already hugging you again, muttering about how cute you are. You shove him away slightly, grumbling under your breath and pulling the hood over your head. Jungkook kisses your forehead before grabbing his things and shuffling up the stairs.

“Come back down when you’re done!” you shout up after him and he makes a noise of agreement back. You walk to the kitchen and take out a bottle of water, sitting at the island and going to take your phone out of your pocket when realizing you left it upstairs. You stand up and make a move to go get it until your eyes catch sight of your backyard.

You walk towards the sliding doors and slide it open, stepping out into the clear night. There was a gentle breeze passing through the warm summer air and you pocket your hands in the pockets of the sweatpants that are way too big on you.

It was the stars that caught your attention from inside the kitchen. The way they were sparkling and glistening so brightly in the sky made you smile, and admire them. You weren’t sure how long you were standing there but when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind you, you blinked out of your trance. 

“What are you doing out here?” Jungkook whispers against your neck, pressing a light kiss there which sends shivers down your spine. 

“The stars are beautiful,” you respond in a soft voice, and Jungkook hums. His chin rests on your shoulder and your hands lay over his. It’s a beautiful night and the breeze knocks Jungkook’s heavenly smell into you. Leaning back into his chest, Jungkook kisses both of your cheeks.

He then grabs at your waist gently and turns you around in his hold so he can see your face. You notice his change of clothes and any makeup that was left on his face is now off. Jungkook sways the two of you again but you take it upon yourself to start moving. 

The two of you dance around your backyard with happy smiles on your faces and at one point Jungkook starts to sing. It’s soft and low but it’s enough, it’s enough for your eyes to tear up and for you to lean up and kiss him hard. The dancing slows but doesn’t stop as the kiss picks up, passionate, and filled with so many unspoken promises. You grip at his shoulders and he squeezes your hips, pulling you closer to him. 

When the rain starts to pour, neither of you move. You hold onto each other tightly and Jungkook moves his head back, breaking the kiss. It’s a happy laugh that sounds through the air and your tears spill over when noticing he’s crying, even though the rain. 

“I missed you,” Jungkook admits, his voice shaky and your heart fills. “And I love you, so much Y/N, I will never leave you, okay? It’s always me and you, forever. I’m still with you.”

His words echo in your head beautifully. His teary eyes look at you which such fondness and with so much love, you know he is being honest with you. You’re not sure where this is coming from but you don’t hesitate to kiss him again, but this time slower. You two move together perfectly and your trembling lips make you pull apart. 

“I love you, Jungkook,” you say to him and Jungkook bites his trembling lip to keep from crying. The rain is starting to pour harder but neither of you care. “Always,” you assure with a small smile. The volume of your voice was a bit loud due to the heaviness of the rain but Jungkook heard you loud and clear. 

After the heartfelt moment outside, you two scurry back inside and rid of your clothes immediately, dropping it at the laundry room and as you’re drying your hair, Jungkook speaks.

“You know we just kissed in the rain right?”

“And there goes the moment.”

[houseof-harry]

Heyy if you’re still taking requests can you do one with grayson based off of the prom episode from friends? It’s basically like gray getting ready to be her surprise date to prom because he thought her date bailed but at the last minute he showed up and she left w him. she never knew and only finally found out through watching the old home videos together & they finally get together. sorryyy this was so long if u want u can watch a clip of that eps on youtube. thank you and love your writings!!

I changed this up a tiny bit but I hope you enjoy!

A week before prom your boyfriend found it appropriate to break up with you because he wanted someone else. You had coordinated your dress with his tux, you were supposed to go with his friends, spend the night at their after prom. You had no idea what to do.

Ethan, one of your good friends, had an amazing idea. You see, Grayson had been pining over you since you were all kids. You had grown up with them because your parents were friends. You ran in different crowds at school, though. So Grayson never really felt like he had the opportunity to ask you out, too scared you wouldn’t want to date him because you and your friends really only dated the guys you were friends with (messy, but not surprising).

This was his chance, though. You had told Ethan it would be humiliating to show up alone. Especially when your ex had told you he was bringing the other girl he was into.

However, Ethan is shit at planning, and forgot to tell Grayson of this idea until the morning of prom. They were hopeful, though. Grayson even managed to go out and get a new tie to match the color of your dress. Ethan had convinced you to come to their pre prom, and that you could hang out with them and that their friends were super cool with it.

So that’s what you did. And when you got there, everyone was so nice which you were grateful for because both Ethan and Grayson were out of sight, leaving you to manage yourself around their friends group. You had even found one of their friends who had also recently been dumped and was there alone. It was nice to talk to someone who was in a similar situation to you, and you both decided that you could be each other’s dates because fuck men. You didn’t need them, right?

“E! Guess what!” You call when you finally see both of the twins exiting the house, Ethan with a camera in order to catch what he thought would be the beginning of the rest of Grayson’s life. They were both convinced you were soulmates.

“What?” He asks, the smile evident in his voice even though you couldn’t see it due to the camera blocking his face.

“Kayla and I are going together now! We decided we don’t need men to enjoy our last prom ever, if anything they’d probably ruin the fun.” You both giggle, not noticing the twins immediately stopping.

It was nice to see you smiling and laughing even though it was only this morning you were still crying about your ex. Grayson didn’t want to ruin that, he couldn’t. Your happiness was more important than anything.

Ethan turned the camera off, his shoulders slumping. He grabbed Grayson by the back of his neck, patting him. “One day.”

***

4 years later

You were roaming around your backyard, friends and family surrounding you as you celebrated your graduation from college. You were talking with your aunt when you noticed the twins walk past your gate, approaching the table with the food immediately. You excused yourself from your conversation, walking over to them.

“Look what the fucking cat dragged in,” you tease, the smile on your face making the words even lighter.

You weren’t sure they were even gonna come when you sent them the invite via facebook. They’d become YouTube stars, moved to LA after high school, and seemed to never look back. You saw them no more than twice a year when you both happened to be back in your hometown, and it would be at family dinners so everything remained pretty tame.

“Wouldn’t miss it for anything, y/n. This is big, we’re proud,” Ethan responds, his arms wrapping around your shoulders. He swayed you side to side, the happiness of being together again overwhelming the both of you. It was easy to forget how much you missed them until you got to hang out with them again.

When you pulled away, Grayson was right there, the smile on his face so familiar it made you shiver. There were a lot of things that reminded you of home, but that smile always brought about the upmost comfort.

The thing is, you had liked Grayson for just as long as he liked you. But you knew he was way too cool to pursue, and that only heightened once he went to LA. They didn’t tell you much about their dating lives when you would text and call, but you knew they weren’t virgins by any means. You just didn’t want to know what types of girls he was going after out there, because they would probably make you pale in comparison. 

The feeling of his hug pulls you from your thoughts. All of a sudden you were consumed by all things Grayson and everything felt right. The anxiety you felt about this day left you, and you were finally able to just relax. No worries about post grad situations, jobs, grad school, none of it. You just stood there and soaked it in until you knew you had been hanging onto him too long before pulling back. He only let you back away a little, though, his hands finding their place on your elbows. You let him keep you close, your gaze stuck on his.

“Hey,” he breathes out, almost like he couldn’t believe you were truly in front of him, even after all those years.

Ethan had long since become entranced in the buffet again, leaving you and Grayson to chat. “Hi.”

“How are you, how is everything? I mean you graduated so you have to be doing alright. I’m so proud, by the way, this is a really big deal. I got you something,” he rambles, reaching into his back pocket.

“Gray, I don’t need anything from you guys, you didn’t have to.” Your cheeks heat up as he pulls out an envelope, handling it to you.

“It’s time sensitive, so you gotta open it before like 8 tonight,” he chuckles, your hands bringing the envelope to your chest.

“Thank you, I’ll make sure it’s the first one I open.”

The two of you stand there smiling at each other for a moment, appreciating that you’re really back together. Grayson felt like he did all of his childhood; happy, excited, and nervous. Really nervous. He didn’t want to be the first one to speak again because he knew he wouldn’t be able to shut up again.

Before you could decide to say anything either, someone is calling your name. You turn your head to see some of your other family had just arrived. You turn back to Grayson, a sheepish smile on your lips.

“Sorry I gotta-”

“Yeah, yeah of course. Go soak up all the congratulations, you’ve earned it all.” He pats your shoulders before going to find Ethan.

The rest of the day goes as planned, everyone coming and going to say their congrats. You didn’t get to spend any more time with the twins, but they found themselves catching up with some other high school friends who had been able to come.

That night, you took a shower but reminded yourself of what Grayson told you earlier. When you got out, it was 7:30. You quickly got dressed in casual clothes, going downstairs to open the card from them.

Hey y/n,

Congrats! We’re both so proud of everything you’ve accomplished these past four years and are so excited to see where you go in the next four and beyond. We decided instead of a conventional gift, we wanted to do something a bit more personal. Come to ours at 8:30.

Love,

Grayson and Ethan,

p.s. don’t call or text asking for hints, we refuse to break

You giggle at the note at the end. You felt butterflies immediately erupt in your stomach, recognizing the handwriting as Grayson’s. You had no idea what they had in store for you, but you couldn’t wait.

By the time 8:30 rolled around, you were itching to know what was up. You were pulling down their long driveway, trying to collect yourself so you wouldn’t seem too on edge. Grayson was always really good at reading you, so you knew your efforts were fruitless but you wanted to try anyways.

Once you parked and texted them that you were there, you got out and walked to the door. Before you had even reached the welcome mat, the door swung open and Grayson with his signature smile stood there, the excitement evident in his eyes.

“Hey y/n.”

“Hey.” You have a grin to match his, his happiness fueling yours. It was impossible to be sad when he was so happy.

“Let me show you your present.” He holds his hand out to you, and you graciously accept despite the fact he will definitely be able to tell your palms were a bit clammy. You hoped he’d brush it off as the summer heat, but you both new the nerves were eating away at you slowly.

He leads you out to their backyard, where there were three chairs set up in front of what looked like a huge movie screen.

“Gray, what’s-”

“We put together a video for you. Or us, I guess. It’s just all our old stupid videos we made from growing up edited together into the story of Grayson, Ethan, and y/n.”

You stopped walking, tears immediately pricking the corners of your eyes. No one had gotten you such a personal gift. I mean, of course you appreciated all the money especially as a college grad, but this was something that would be able to last forever.

Ethan walked out past you, a big bowl of popcorn in his hands. “Ready?” He asks casually, but the grin of his face says he has other intentions. He seems more excited for this than you and Grayson.

“Yeah,” you croak out, still emotional but now excited to see what they had whipped up. You all sit in your seats, excitement radiating from them and all different emotions coming from you. This definitely wasn’t what you were expecting.

Once they start the video, you’re quickly enthralled in remembering your past, the memories from growing up with them flooding in with every new video they included. All the way from your first time trick or treating together, to the skits you would put together when your families would have dinner parties, to the days on the beach when you went away for the weekend with them. It made you feel light inside, like there was nothing to worry about again.

All of a sudden there’s a clip the starts with Grayson’s feet in his dress shoes, and it soon pans out to capture his entire outfit. The outfit he wore to your senior prom.

“Excited?” Ethan asks from behind the camera as Grayson adjusts his tie and smooths his suit.

“Terrified,” he mumbles back, his hands visibly shaking.

“Dude, she just got dumped and you get to be the hero who swoops in, saves prom, and promises to love her forever,” Ethan jokes, but there’s not even a hint of a smile from Grayson.

“I can’t come off that strong, she has no idea I love her. I just gotta act as normal as possible.” The nerves are clear in his voice as he continues to speak, checking his hair in the mirror.

“Dude, I saw her walk down the driveway like ten minutes ago, we gotta go. Got the flower thing?” Ethan asks.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Grayson says, walking out of the house in front of Ethan and the camera.

“E! Guess what?” The camera moves to show you and Kayla, smiling and giggling together.

“What?” His voice booms from right behind the microphone.

“Kayla and I are going together now! We decided we don’t need men to enjoy our last prom ever, if anything they’d probably ruin the fun.” The camera catches the two of you laughing together, almost totally ignoring the boys.

The next clip begins, but you have long stopped paying attention. Grayson loved you in high school? He was going to ask you to prom because of your shit ex trying to ruin it for you? And he never told you this whole time?

The last few videos finish and the screen goes black.

“So?” Ethan asks as soon as it’s over, his head turning to you. You sat there, mouth open, eyes on the blank screen unable to speak. “That bad, huh?”

“Huh?’ You snap out of it, looking at him. “No, it was good. Really good. Thank you, guys. This really meant a lot. It was nice to remember all the fun we had here growing up.” Your words and smile are genuine, but Grayson can tell there’s something else going on.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“Nothing, just got me emotional I think,” you mumble, looking at your lap in hopes of avoiding them asking any further questions.

“Why not just all good ones?”

Oh because you loved me and I loved you and we didn’t tell each other and now we live such different lives in such different worlds and no guy has ever compared to you but if it was impossible in high school, it’s definitely impossible now, you think to yourself.

“Just miss being that carefree sometimes, I guess,” you shrug, deciding lying is most definitely the safer bet.

“Alright, she’s not gonna tell us the truth, so let’s at least go inside to avoid the mosquitos,” Ethan quips, standing and grabbing the popcorn bowl. You go to follow him, but Grayson grabs your arm. You look down at him and can see the concern in his eyes. You sit again while Ethan leaves you two out there alone.

“What is it actually?” He asks, his gaze heavy as it holds yours captive, wanting to genuinely hear and see what you have to say.

“You were gonna ask me to prom?” You whisper, like it’s some big secret. It also feels stupid asking him that seeing as prom is just not important anymore, but this was just easier to ask than the real question you wanted an answer to.

“Of course. Your ex was an ass for what he did, would never let you go alone after that. You knew I never liked him in the first place. But, you and Kayla had a really good time together, so it all worked out in the end,” his words are meaningful, but his smile isn’t meeting his eyes. It’s clear he’s holding back.

“But you were gonna ask me because you loved me?” You raise your brow.

He coughs, turning his head to the side to avoid the eye contact he had initiated. “Uh, yeah.”

“Like really loved me or just thought I was cute because we were in high school?”

“Definitely really loved you.” He nods, rubbing his bicep. He was nervous again, unsure of how to go about this. He thought you’d think it was funny that he loved you, not question him. He’s scared you’ll ask how he feels now, and he doesn’t want to say anything that will scare you off.

“Huh,” you huff, leaning back in your chair. “I loved you, too.” His eyes widen at this. He whips his head to look at you, shock written all over his face. He expected a lot of things to come from your mouth, but not that. Definitely not that.

“You fucking what?” Is the only response he can think go saying. He went through years of loving you from afar only to find out now he could have been doing it upfront this whole time.

You laugh, turning to look at him again. “Thought it was obvious. That’s why I never did anything, thought you knew and didn’t feel the same way.”

Grayson literally sputters, at a complete loss for words. “Is this a joke?”

“Why would I be joking?” You ask genuinely. Your brows pulled together in confusion, not understanding what was so shocking about it all.

“Because it has to be a joke that I could have been loving you all these years to your face instead of hiding it but I didn't have to.” He leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he holds his face in frustration.

You sit in silence for a moment, his words sinking in. You couldn’t tell what he meant by that, was he still in love with you?

“It’s okay Gray. We were young and stuff.” You shrug, hoping to make him feel better. I mean obviously you still were hopelessly in love with him, but he didn’t have to know it.

He laughs almost cynically, turning to look at you. “You don’t see it, do you?” He seems almost defeated while he speaks.

“See what?”

“I’m still in love with you. Like if we had a prom right now and you got ditched again I’d go rent a whole tux and take you. I’d literally do anything for you, and would have done anything the past two decades we’ve known each other. I love you so much, everything about you. When we moved away and you went to college, it took me literally like three months to start enjoying life again without telling you about everything because you deserved the space to grow. I couldn’t be selfish and take away your college experience from you just because I loved you. But seeing you today has just, I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m saying,” he sighs, catching his breath. He’s rambled in front of you from nerves many times, but this was a whole other level. Fear slowly started to sink into every bone of his body as he realized what he had admitted to you.

You sat there in complete shock, not expecting him to have said any of that. Yet, he had put it perfectly. You had always kept your feelings to yourself so as to never hold him back. Also to avoid complete rejection from the most important person in your life, but also because he deserved to live without the burden of your love.

“Gray, hey, look at me,” you mumble, reaching out to put your arm on his forearm. He lifts his head, his eyes timidly meeting yours but his muscles relaxing as soon as he felt your skin on his.

“We can act like I didn’t say all of that stuff if it’ll mean we get to keep being friends.” The anxiety drips from every single word that comes from his mouth.

“Why would we do that?” You stand, walking over to stand i front of him. His gaze follows you while he leans back in his chair. You grab both his hands and encourage him to stand with you. When he does, your bodies are close, the heat radiating off one another.

“Because I’d rather be friends with you and act like I don’t love you than not be in your life at all.” His voice was so vulnerable and you don’t think you've ever heard him so shy in his life. He usually oozed confidence, never faltering. Now, all he seemed to be doing is question every word he’s saying.

“But what if we could be more than friends?” You ask, biting your lip and looking at him.

His face reflects his surprise as he sucks in a quick breath. Before he has the chance to ramble again, you lean in to leave a light kiss against his lips. It’s quick and Grayson almost wonders if he’s dreaming. It’s the moment he’s thought about since he was 10, and it was over before he could truly enjoy it.

He scans your face, making sure he doesn’t see any regret forming before he grabs your hips and pulls you in for a real kiss. His lips are slow and sensual on yours, cherishing every moment you let him continue to kiss you. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him flush against you.

All of a sudden you hear someone screaming from the window above you guys. You both pull away, looking up to see Ethan beaming down at you both. “And to think it only took me, like, 15 years to get this to happen!”

You all laugh, soaking up the relief and happiness of the moment. Although it took so long, you’re sure you and Grayson will appreciate every moment together going forward.

[dragon-kazansky]

Idk why... But I kinda want Dhawan! Master to propose... Or at least a kiss idk, I'm craving anything Dhawan! Master rn and idk what to do!! Could u write smth please? Hehe thanks and sorryyy

Dhawan! Master is so interesting to write. I liked this request! Thank you anon for requesting him ^-^

You had known the Master for quite some time. The exact number of years is lost on you, with all the time travelling you both do, but it’s been a long time.

The pair of you were quite an odd couple to everyone else, but you worked so perfectly. You bounced off of each other in the most casual way, and there was quite a bit of banter between you both. No one else got this chemistry you both seemed to share.

Now, he wasn’t the most affectionate type, but when things mattered to him, he showed it. Should anyone or anything try anything with you, his anger may rise and destruction may occur. It’s go big or- no, he only went big. Chaos was his thing, nothing will stop him.

You knew he cared for you. He showed it in his own way. There where times he would reach for your hand, though not often, and he kissed you every so often, behind closed doors or in front of others, he wasn’t shy.

It was important to him that others saw you together.

He was proud to have you as his. You were the one thing the Doctor couldn’t ever take away from him.

But now it was time to change things.

There was something the Master had been thinking about for weeks now. His pocket felt heavy with the weight of a question.

While on one of his escapades, he had come across something he thought was very suiting to you. He knew exactly what it was and the meaning behind it, so it was fitting for him to give it to you.

The Master decided he would ask in the TARDIS. It was his sanctuary, and you both had many memories in it.

He entered the console room to see you working away at the console. He smiled. It took quite a lot of you convincing him to teach you how to fly the TARDIS. At first he thought your pestering to be quite annoying and turned you down every time, but when he saw how persistent you were, well, he just couldn’t say no any more.

He was very strict about what everything did and tried to keep his cool when you messed up a few times, but you just reminded him that you were only human. That used to make him shudder, but now, not so much.

He liked you too much to dislike with the rest.

“Y/N.”

“Oh! You’re back, where did you disappear to?” You smiled at him as he came over.

He smiled.

“I just went to get something.” He gazed at you.

If someone had told him that he would end up falling in love with a human, he would have ended them where they stood. Back then that was a statement that would have offended him, but now, it was probably the best thing that happened to him.

Which was saying a lot considering how bad things tended to be in his life.

You were the blessing he needed in his life.

“What is it?”

He realised he had been staring at you without saying anything. He collected himself, tugged his coat around him a little and then looked you in the eye again.

“I have something very important to ask.”

“What is it?” You asked, much softer this time.

He gave a deep sigh. He was going to do as the humans did, much to his displeasure, but you were worth it. He got down on one knee and your eyes went wide.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like? Now, hush, you’re ruining it.” He reached for your hand. “I never thought I would ever end up doing this, but I found this little thing.” He pulled a ring out of his pocket. It silver and blue, with lots of little symbols on it. “I couldn’t resist the thought of asking you this.” He held the ring up so you could see it.

“It’s beautiful.” You muttered. “What does those symbols mean?”

“Forever.”

You smiled softly.

“I’m not going to get all soft on you, but I am going to ask, will you marry me?” He gave a huge grin. His face was lit up with a confident glee. “There is a wrong answer.” He said after a moments silence.

You chuckled.

“Of course I’ll marry you.” You didn’t care that he was kneeling down you, you wrapped your arms around him rightly, toppling him over. He hadn’t even given you the ring yet.

You kissed him.

He happily forgot about the ring as he kissed you back.

You pulled back and looked down at him.

“Must have taken a lot out of you to do that.” You chuckled.

“Yes, so don’t make me do it again.” He held the ring up and held out his other hand to you. You placed your hand in his and let him slide the ring on.

“I love you. I hope you know that.” You looked at him softly. The Master sat up and smiled.

“I know that. I love you too.” He said. It wasn’t often you heard those words.

He pulled you in for another kiss.

It was moments like these that you treasured the most.

Imagine what the rest of the universe was going to think now, when they find out you’re marrying the most chaotic man in the galaxy.

You are one heck of a couple!

Tags:

@ourfracturedomens @awyr @fandombeehive  @charmed-asylum  @sigynbandraoi-blog  @procrastinatingmurder  @sitkafay

[acourtofbooksandmemes]

Tag game!

thank you so much @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 I loove these! 💗 this took me foreverrrr to respond to i’m sorryyy

favourite colours: LAVENDER PURPLE!! I don’t really have more.. maybe jade green and peach

last song i listened to: Flying without wings - Westlife

favourite song: I don’t think I have just one, but at the moment it’s ”Save” by Faime, it has such a soft but kinda sad vibe and I loove it

favourite musician/singer: I listen to a lot of musicians and my favorite songs are a big mix, but I think I have to say BTS since in % I like their tracks more

last film watched: Sword Art Online: Ordinal Scale. I love these character and universe so much, I know most think it’s trash, but the whole future setup is so cool. I would LOOVE if full-dive in games would happen

favourite tv show: I have to, just choose one? damn.. in that case The Vampire Diaries. That show will forever own my heart. BUT it miiight get replaced by the coming Shadow & Bone show :) 

favourite oc: Eyo! She’s a hot-headed assassin and best friend with the main character, a lioness personified and 100% feminist (don’t fight her on this topic cuz she’ll drag your ass, quite literally too). Eyo and her girlfriend Zanya are a deadly duo, just a warning. Yeah I love her quite much but I’ll stop ranting ^_^

sweet, spicy, or savoury: hmm I think I know what savoury means? So I’m gonna choose that

sparkling water, coffee, or tea: TEA IS ALWAYS A GOOD OPTION! Though sparkling water is amazing too. NOT coffee, it tastes weird

pets: i have none. But, if things go as I hope I’ll get a dog after I finish high school, in about a year. Since I don’t plan on continuing with my studies right after, also I don’t really know what I want to do with my life. Though I really want a fluffy Leonberger

tagging: @notyourclassicshadowhunter @iammrstark @overlycpinionated @eemiex @keepmecloserbillieeilish @arushipun 💜

[lukeatmeashton]

Make Love to a Killer (LH) - Part 18

YES A NEW UPDATE!!!!!!!!

A/N: Damn, it’s been a while since I’ve updated this one... sorryyy. life happened and I lost motivation to write this story but I promise I’ll try not to leave it unfinished. Enjoy xx

Make Love to a Killer

Pairing: Luke & Reader Word Count: 4.3k approx. Warning: Swearing

Summary: “Didn’t they tell you to never fuck a killer, Princess?”  

• PART 17 •  WATTPAD || MASTERLIST || TRAILER

• • • •

“What the hell!?” You practically squealed, running towards your brother. You couldn’t believe it. Jumping into his arms in a hug, he wrapped them around your waist, a hum leaving him at the familiarity.

“What…why…How?” Were the split words that left you when you pulled back from the hug, and a never-ending smile gracing your gorgeous face. Your hands rested on his shoulders holding him at arms length so that you could study him properly; you were in disbelief at how he stood before you.

He looked good – for a change – healthy, clean and intact; no cuts, no bruises, nothing. He appeared younger, more awake and energised. It was a refreshing sight, if you were being honest.

“Invite me in, you muppet, and then I’ll tell you.” Caleb laughed at your enthusiasm, truthfully caught off guard at how happy you were to see him given the cold way you usually treated him. You even surprised yourself with your attitude, but maybe, because you were so vulnerable, you were inclined to just give in to the first person you felt comfortable with.

Stepping aside, you allowed Caleb into your apartment and you heard him sigh as you closed the door.

“God, it feels like I haven’t been here in forever.” Caleb spoke, his hands in his trouser pockets as he followed you into your living room sheepishly. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.” He added, and instantly guilt swept you.

It was true; you hadn’t seen him in a long time, having missed several of your visits. You knew how much Caleb depended on those few moments of normality to keep him sane when locked up in a place like that, and you felt selfish that you took that away from him. You just lost track of time, wrapped up in everything with Luke and work, you felt bad for being so wrapped in yourself when your brother needed you.

But he was here now, wasn’t he?

Exactly, so it was best to move on and not dwell too long on your actions – or lack there of.

“I’m sorry, Caleb – for bailing on our visits.” You apologised, giving him a sincere look, hoping he knew you were being honest. Even though you always were rather bitchy towards him, you still felt bad and found it uncalled-for that you broke his reliance.

“Well, fuck me.” He took a step backwards, dramatically as though you had shoved him. “Never thought I’d see the day when you’d be the one saying sorry to me.”

Giving a tight lip smile, you remained quiet. Although he was joking, perhaps his words struck a nerve.

“You could’ve at least told me you weren’t going to come though.”

And you felt your heart fall a little further as he knocked you to realisation of just how bad of a sister you had been as of lately. Not even having the decency to ring up the prison and cancel the visit altogether, you had him waiting there every Tuesday, in that small room where he’d be surrounded with other prisoners laughing with their loved ones. And meanwhile, the only thing that would be on his mind was if his loved one was even going to show up.

It was cruel of you really. But there was nothing you could do now.

You gave a slight nod of your head, acknowledging Caleb’s words as he eyed you, a bit of a hard expression on his own face. He had a look of scepticism about him, but said no more.

“Can I get you a cup of tea?” You tried to change the subject, his constant stare making you squirm a little as you riled in your own self-disappointment.

“Yeah, a beer would be great thanks.” He answered cheekily with a wink as you rolled your eyes at his straight-up ignorance of your original tea offer. Walking towards your kitchen nonetheless, you knew this would probably be the first beer he’d have in a long time.

Soon you returned with a can in each hand, and you handed one to your brother before cracking the top and taking a sip of your own.

“So, are you going to tell me what you’re doing out so soon or what?” You bluntly asked, taking a seat on your sofa as Caleb followed suit.

“Well, it was a determinate sentence, don’t you remember? You’re normally released automatically halfway through the sentence if it’s your first time being locked up.” Caleb spoke smoothly, shrugging his shoulders as though it was no big deal. And you couldn’t help but think typical. He was never one to make a big scene out of things.

“Got tagged though.” He added lifting up the bottom of his right trouser leg to show the thick black chip that wrapped around his ankle, and you nodded your head. That made sense. That way he was kept under surveillance as he served the remaining fifty percent of his sentence outside, while also having a few restrictions tied in, like a curfew and not going to certain areas. The police were able to track every step he took to know what he was up to.

“Yeah, and I have to do some community service shit now along with going to stupid ‘get-your-life-back-on-track’ sessions once a week.” He spoke, obviously irritated that he didn’t have complete freedom, but you didn’t give him pity. He needed to take responsibility for what he did and deal with the repercussions of it.

“Have you told dad you’re out?” You couldn’t help but question.

“Fuck no. I haven’t seen him since the court room all those years ago.”

Grimacing a little at the harshness of your father – yet again – you let out a dramatic sigh of understanding, letting Caleb know he needn’t say anymore since you knew what he was implying; that your father was a shit dad.

“But that’s just grim to talk about. What about you?” Caleb turned to face you, once again swiftly changing the subject.

Taking a sip from his beer, his eyes glinted with something, something that felt off, something that made you unwillingly tense.

“What about me?” You tried to shrug off your sudden discomfort, but your voice came across sceptical. It was a completely innocent question and you didn’t understand why you felt so dubious. Maybe you were just being paranoid. This was Caleb, your brother. What in the world would he have against you? This was just a catch up, a reunion, a time to forgive and make up, a time to move on.

“What’ve you been up to? You and Ashton still shagging at the office?” Caleb teased mockingly with a large smile.

His bluntness caught you off guard and caused you to almost spit your beer out at his words.

You didn’t expect him to remember you telling him that. It was just general office gossip you let slip a few months ago but never did you think he would recall it.

“Um…No, not anymore.” You admitted, timidly, giving a fake smile. Because of course, when Ashton was brought up, you couldn’t help but let your mind flit to the person that caused you to call things off with your colleague in the first place.

But that wasn’t what you focussed on. When you said that you half expected Caleb to look surprised, but his face remained blank, even though his next words played shock.

“Aw, come on. Seriously?”

You nodded your head, shrugging a little. You must be overthinking.

“Well, who’s keeping you satisfied then?” The question was typical of him, always nosy and always explicit.

“Fuck off, I’m not going to talk about my sex life with my brother.” You scoffed, pretending to gag in mock disgust, hoping he didn’t notice your apprehension.

“Oh, come off it. I know you. There’s no way that you haven’t got some poor bastard on his knees for you.” Caleb teased, and you hit his arm, outraged of the words he said, though not denying them.

“Who is he?” Your brother pushed, obviously not believing for a second that you didn’t have a lover at the moment.

But you couldn’t help but fall quiet once more.

You dare not mention Luke.

Hell, you were certain Caleb would tear your head off if he found out, because clearly they didn’t get along. You didn’t know what went on between Luke and him – though part of you longed to know – but obviously it wasn’t friendly.

And Luke after all did beat Caleb up every week – part of you forgot that was the same Luke you knew now - so clearly it wasn’t just banter.

Caleb despised Luke. Luke despised Caleb. Something was up between the two of them…but it wasn’t your place to know. You needed to keep your nose out of this one. You weren’t exactly associated with Luke anymore so that made his past none of your business, while Caleb was your brother you were on the road to making amends with so it was best to drop everything that he had been involved with in the past too.

“It’s no one. There’s no one.” You told him, because really there was no one. Not any more anyway. God, maybe that hurt a little to admit out loud.

“You sure?”

You nodded your head.

“Hm, funny. Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been fucking Luke Hemmings.”

You froze.

The room shifted with sudden tension and betrayal, and your breath choked in your throat. After playing it false, he already knew.

“What?!” You managed to splutter out, pretending to be outraged. You hoped you were convincing and maybe you could just deny everything with Luke. It wasn’t wise, but it was safe.

“You and Luke Hemmings have been fucking.” He repeated, looking you directly in the eye as he knew of the lies you threw. “Is that not right?” Caleb raised an eyebrow, his face suddenly twisting into a mixture of disappointment, hurt and ire.

So perhaps this wasn’t just a friendly reunion with his sister; perhaps it was a confrontation.

“What do you…No, of course not.” You tried to deny it again, but Caleb shook his head, laughing almost at your feeble lie.

“See now I know you’re lying to me, Y/N. I saw you at dad’s gala.”

What?

“You were there?” How had you not seen him? Shifting uncomfortably in your seat, you stared at the ground, a frown upon your features.

“Yeah, I wanted to turn up to just ruin dad’s night, to show that his loss-cause of a son was free.” Caleb sneered, looking down at you before his face twisted into disgust. “But I never actually got to because you and Hemmings seemed to do a fine job of that.” His jaw clenched, his eyes fired with fury as he awaited you response, but you stayed quiet. “I swear to fuck Y/N, I knew that our relationship was rocky but never did I fucking expect you to betray me like this. Ever.”

And suddenly things made sense, suddenly things clicked the more you thought over them. The way Luke had acted so weird that night, ‘someone that he used to know’ was what he had claimed- he must’ve seen Caleb.

“I didn’t realise I was betraying you!” You almost screamed, because there was some truth to your words. “You never told me of any feud or conflict held between you both, so really you gave me no indication that I couldn’t sleep with him. Don’t just expect me to know things when you never actually tell me them.” You spoke, your voice steady and confident as a valid point left your lips.

After all, Caleb never did explicitly state ‘stay away from him’ so how were you to know of his distaste for the blond. (Though this was completely disregarding that fact that you could tell there was something going on between them just from the obvious tension and fear from Caleb, though you decided not to mention that for that didn’t exactly work in your favour.)

“That’s bullshit. Fucking bullshit!” Caleb roared, though he was merely at a loss of response but yet still wanted to sound defensive. Crushing the beer can in his hand, he threw it to the floor as his cheeks angered red.

“You’ve been released for nearly a week.” You suddenly muttered, speaking words seemingly irrelevant to the argument. But you were realising something, something that made your heart beat a little fast, your chest strain in worry suddenly.

“Huh?” Caleb’s face was twisted in both confusion and outrage. It pissed him off they you were just trying to change the subject.

“If you were at the gala then you’ve been out for nearly a week.” You spoke louder now, your words confident and clear as you straightened your back and faced him.

“Yeah, so what?”

“So why didn’t you come to see me straightaway?”

“What are you talking abo-?”

“I mean, you have no other place to go, Caleb. Dad’s basically disowned you, mum’s dead, I’m your only family left. Why didn’t you come to me sooner?” You hoped to God your suspicions weren’t correct. Because although you were arguing and couldn’t stand Caleb right now, you cared for him a hell of a lot and you just prayed your thoughts were wrong.

“I just had to deal with some… stuff.” Caleb managed to let out, but your stomach dropped at his words. This wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

“This wouldn’t happen to be the same ‘stuff’ that got you locked up in the first place, would it?” You finally questioned, awaiting an answer that never came.

The silence Caleb let capture the room was enough of a confirmation.

Your eyes widened, your mouth practically falling open as your entirety was blinded with disbelief and disappointment.

“Are you fucking serious right now? Are you that stupid, Caleb? You’re being tracked for Christ’s sake!” You couldn’t help but yell. Standing abruptly from your place on the sofa, you turned your back to your brother, not bearing to look at him.

“Yes, I’m fully aware, Y/N, but you can’t just walk out when you’re involved with people like that.” He tried to defend himself, but you just shook your head at his pathetic words.

“This is meant to be a fresh start, a chance to forget everything before you were arrested. And you’re throwing it away to go back to what got you in this shit in the first place. You’re so fucking selfish.”

“How is this selfis-“

“Because I need my fucking brother, Caleb!” You finally screamed, whipping round to face him. Your face was surely red as you stared at your brother with welling tears in your eyes. And all at once, Caleb’s face seemed to soften, to fall as he stood himself from the sofa. His eyes held sympathy while he reached for you, but you only took a step back, not wanting him anywhere near you.

“Y/N, I’m sor-“

“Don’t, Caleb.” You snapped, turning away from him once more. Your arms were crossed over your chest as all these conflicting emotions battled within you. Disappointment, anger, vulnerability, frustration, hurt- the list was endless.

A thick silence had now enveloped the room, and the pair of you stood amongst it for quite some time.

But finally you broke.

“Leave, Caleb.” You turned back around to face your brother and all of a sudden his face fell in defeat upon your words, though he took them as a different meaning to what you meant. Nodding his head solemnly, he made the motion to exit your apartment but your words cut him short. You weren’t finished talking to him. “I’m only going to ask you this once, Caleb. Please leave that fucking gang. Please. I need you here with me.”

You sounded so desperate, because you were. And you sounded so let down, because you were.

You just prayed he would listen to you.

But only this time your pleading had the alternative effect than before, along with the fresh rejection. Your begging made Caleb’s skin rile, his veins rise, his teeth grit. Because, although the attention had temporarily been taken away from his confrontation, it was slowly being drawn forward to his mind.

How dare you beg for him when you had deceived him like that? And now you were deciding to play the victim on him. You could act, but not that good. Though Caleb didn’t know this was anything but an act.

Although your supposed betrayal was indirect and unaware, Caleb didn’t see it that way. And his next words were sent out to hurt.

“But maybe I don’t need you.” He seethed, and those words were thrown at you for a second time, and hell, they never failed to lessen in pain. “You have no control over me, Y/N. You can’t make my decisions for me, so why don’t you go back to whoring around with your psycho and stay out of my business.”

With that, Caleb had turned on his heel, this time with definitive of leaving the apartment. But you couldn’t let him.

Albeit his words hurt, you had to keep him from leaving. This conversation was over, and you knew you couldn’t let him go in the pent up state he was in. He had done it before, he’d do it again. And you would never forgive yourself if he were to turn to the substance again only this time on your behalf.

“Caleb,” you pleaded, running ahead of him and just about managing to slip between him and the door. It was a weak, childish attempt, but it seemed to stall him just a little bit.

“Move out of the way, Y/N.” He growled, his eyes glaring at you with such hatred, hatred for his own sister. "Now.”

You knew he’d never hurt you, not physically at least. Whether he was mixed up with those sorts of people or not, he’d never hurt his sister. But that didn’t mean his intimidation to you wouldn’t scare you into letting him go.

So you blurted the one thing you hoped would get him to stay, for it was a way for him to get the truth to you, something you could tell he was dying to let you know though didn’t so much as think to do it now.

“Why do you hate Luke so much?” It sounded pathetic really, but you didn’t care. You knew this would open the gate for him to rant and persuade you of the wrong the blond man was. Though so long as it kept him away from the needle for a little while longer, you were ready to hear what he had to say, whether it hurt or not.

“You know him. You should know.” His words were petty, but you gave him a pleading look, practically begging him for an explanation.

Caleb’s jaw clenched once more, his eyes staring at the door before he spoke.

“It honestly surprises me that you’d even go for a guy like him in the first place.” He seethed, and although his words were nasty, you felt relief at the thought that he was going to stay for at least a little while longer.

“And what exactly is a guy like him?” You challenged, part of you getting defensive of Luke, the Luke that you knew at least. Though, you tried not to sound too protective because that may just piss your brother off again.

“A fucking psycho.” Caleb spat, his words venomous as though it was a sin to utter. “He’s a fucked up guy, Y/N, Surely you see that! He killed his own dad. He's a fucking murder, and still you slept with him.”

“It was an accident.” You murmured, annoyed at how he was throwing such information about without knowing the reasoning for it, not knowing the truth…mind you, you didn’t know the truth either. Maybe parts of it, but not all of it.

“Is that what he told you?” Caleb scoffed, giving you a demeaning look, as though he expected better from you than your supposed naivety. “And you believe him? Would you believe me if I told you I’m half horse? Because that’s basically what you’ve done with him. Believing every word that he says. That’s what ‘guys like him’ do. They lie. They pretend to be someone they’re not. They tell you things that make it look like they’re the victim when they’re not. They tell you things that will make you feel better, things that you want to hear just so that you’d let him fuck you. That’s what a guy like him is. A psycho and a liar.”

His words hit you harder than you expected, though you feebly attempted to claim fabrications.

“No, no, no – you’re wrong.” You tried to deny it all, but even your voice was weak. Caleb was putting thoughts, putting doubts into your head that weren’t there before, that you had never even considered before.

You had believed Luke, you had believed everything he told you. Just like that. He didn't lie. But yet why did you feel that your trust was tainted? Why were you doubting his words and suddenly holding some belief on your brother's?

Perhaps you were naïve. After all, it really didn’t take much convincing on Luke’s part to get you to believe him. And after all, you did let him fuck you. Maybe Caleb was right. Maybe Luke was a liar.

No. You didn’t believe it…did you? Those times you spent with Luke – albeit there weren’t many – they were real, weren’t they? The way he looked at you, the way he treated you, he was sincere, right?

Fuck Caleb. He had you doubting everything you believed. And hell did you feel foolish now.

Though perhaps a part of you still didn’t agree with Caleb’s words, a part of you that was buried deep by all other overbearing deception.

“For your sake, I wish I was.” Caleb sighed, but it sounded fake, as though he wasn’t really sad or sympathetic to how you were feeling. He was riling in the fact he was the one to tell you the ‘truth’ about Luke. “But trust me when I say you’d be second-guessing everything he ever even whispered to you if you saw the things he did prison, behind those cell walls. He’s fucked up, Y/N. How could you be so stupid as to go for someone like that?”

“You don’t know shit, Caleb.” You tried one last defensive comment, though the both of you could tell that you were defeated, that you just weren’t sure of anything anymore.

“I know enough.” He spoke quietly, resting a ‘comforting’ hand on your shoulder. Your chest felt heavy and tight, and exhaustion was all you felt – well, perhaps along with a million other overwhelming feelings, but tiredness stood out most.

Pulling you into his arms, Caleb wrapped you in a hug with your head resting on his chest while his own rested atop yours.

God, your mind was a wreck.

Caleb could be completely bullshitting you for all you knew, feeding you these twisted lies just to keep you away from him...but what if those words were the truth? It caused a hurricane in you at that thought, something you never even considered before. It fucking hurt.

But how could you trust Caleb? He despised Luke. The things he spoke could be biased, untrue, misleading. You had believed Luke too easily, but you refused to just believe Caleb just like that.

Pulling away from him, you defied one last time. It was as though this distrust you seemed to hold for everyone also required you to keep your distance from them too.

“Why should I believe you?” You asked, your voice small but firm. “Maybe Luke’s changed.”

“I’m your brother, aren’t I?” Caleb practically shouted, frustrated that you were so defiant.

“That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t lie to me. You’ve done it before. Many times.” You snapped, and Caleb groaned at your words. You were never one to let things go.

“I only lie to protect you.”

“No, that’s bullshit.” You refused him that excuse. Protecting you was not deceiving you. Deceiving you was hurting you.

“God, you can be such a daft bitch sometimes!” Caleb suddenly spat, angry and irritated. It ticked him off beyond belief at how uncooperative you were with him. Why couldn’t you just believe him and then leave it be? Why did you need to question everything? At least when it came to him anyway, because by the looks of things you didn’t push Luke for answers like you did with him.

Nonetheless, Caleb was blinded with rage and frustration, and he wasn’t thinking properly, which was perhaps the reason his next words left him before he thought them over.

“He hasn’t changed. He was fucked up back then, and he’s fucked up now.”

You didn’t understand what he meant by this, but you weren’t given enough time before Caleb was rambling out others.

“Jesus, back then, we had everything set up, so perfectly and to the T. But then he turned out to be more fucked up beyond any of us first thought. All those other times, they’d been funny. And, that night, our call to the police was right on time for something that we hadn’t planned to happen. No, this time it was all on him, killing his own father was all on him and his psychotic mind.”

“W-what?” You stuttered. He wasn’t exactly making sense but amongst it all he had confessed something. But fuck were you hoping, by God, praying that your ears were deceiving you. “Caleb, did you play a part in Luke’s arrest?”

PART 19

[write-and-wander]

Games and Illusions:  Part 1

Pairing:  Loki Laufeyson x Reader

Warnings:  Swearing, Pretty fast paced, lil’ tiny bit of an X-MEN CROSSOVER WOOOOOO

Key:  (Y/L/N) is your last name, and as always, (Y/N) is your name.

Author’s Note:  I decided to give the reader some sort of powers because let’s make this even more fun, ya know, like why not.  This took me forever, okay, I’m dead.  This is basically all exposition, I’m sorryyy, but I’m really putting a lot of love into this series and I want it to be good, so I figure I need to set it up with it’s own part (that I still had to cram a ton of stuff into) and set the tone for the whole story.  I’m also kinda loving it though like this is gonna be soooo slow burning y’all are in for a treat and one heck of a ride.  I also REALLY HOPE I kept Loki in character I TRIED SO HARD OKAY? (ALSO I KNOW THAT THERE IS A GREAT LACK OF LOKI IN THIS PART, DO NOT FRET, MORE IS COMING, YOU’LL SEE, PATIENCE MY CHILD)

Anyway, Enjoy! 😊

Games and Illusions:  Part 1

This would be a day to remember.  You knew that as soon as the police officers started yelling.  “Get out!  Clear the area immediately!”  They would yell, in the street, from their cars, and in every building all around you.  You looked up to see the people running out of the café, and a police officer looking at you.  You pulled out one of your earbuds.  “Get outta here!  Follow the crowd!”  He shouted. You nodded and grabbed your book and your cup, quickly walking toward the door.  All around you, people were screaming, running, police officers looked terrified, smoke billowed through the air, and rubble was scattered about.  Something was definitely happening- and it wasn’t good.

You followed the crowds to the outskirts of the city.  As soon as you cleared the radius that the police wanted empty, you finally looked up to see the gaping hole in the sky.  Something was spilling out, and you could see bullets, lightning, and debris flying all through the air.  You stared at the sky in awe as people ran past you to get as far away as they could.  Which, in retrospect, was smart.  However, you wanted to know what was flying from the sky- and your question would be answered sooner than you would’ve liked.  When you saw something large flying right into your direction, you ran.  You looked behind you to see a tall man in green and gold stand up and brush himself off.  As soon as his eyes met yours, you stopped looking back, snapping your head forward, and you simply kept running.

Riiight back into the battle.  You didn’t notice it at first- running right into an empty building.  However, as you heard the commotion grow louder, you knew it was coming toward you.  You ran out another door and into a new building, but that only brought you further into the action.  There was no crowd to follow, and you had no idea where to run.  You turned around to look through the window of the new empty building you were in when-

“Get out of there!”  You heard a voice yell.  You looked to your right and upward to see some sort of alien vehicle coming right for you.  You curled up on the ground and put your hands in front of your face as a brace.  You squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for impact, but an insanely bright flash came instead. No impact.  You slowly opened your eyes, and your vision was still a little hazy from the burning flash, but as it began to clear, you saw that whatever had tried to come for you had been obliterated.

“What the hell was that?”  The same voice called out.  “Was that you?” You looked behind you to see Captain America himself walking towards you. “How did you… Are you alright?” You looked at him, blank, at a loss for words.  What just happened?  “You should get out of here.”  You continued to look at him, but a single sound had yet to leave your mouth.  “Can you hear me?  You need to go.”  You nodded, and tried to get back up, but you suddenly felt exhausted.  Your arms were trembling, and you just barely made it to your knees when the room started to spin.  “Ma’am, you need to go.”  You looked back up at the red, white, and blue Captain.  “Hey, are-are you alright?”  Your eyes rolled back, and you fell to the side, completely limp. Everything started to fade.  “Hey!  We need a medic over here!”

Black.

“You’re sure she won’t be hostile?”

“Even if she’s feisty, she’s still pretty drugged up.  Worst comes to worst, we have what we need to put her back to sleep, quick and painless.”

You opened your eyes slowly to see four familiar but strange men in a large white room.  You furrowed your brows as your heart started to race and fear and confusion began to settle in.  “Where… where am I?  Who are you? What happened?”  You slurred, trying to sit up.

“Hey, hey, hey, let’s not do that,” one of them said, gently pushing you back down. “I’m Phil Coulson, this is Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, and Thor Odinson,” he explained, gesturing to each of the men respectively.  God, you were so confused.

“She awak- oh, hey there she is!”  Another man said, walking into the room.

“And that’s Tony Stark,” Phil said, looking slightly exasperated.  Okay, confusion was an understatement.  You nodded slowly, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“Aw, look at her.  She’s stunned to see me-“ Tony added.

“Tony, now is not the time to be arrogant,” Thor interrupted. 

“Lighten up, point-break, I’m just trying to lighten to mood.  Everyone looks so stern,” Tony replied.

“I think a lighter mood is the last thing she needs-“ Steve said before you interrupted.

“What I need is someone who can tell me what the hell happened and why I’m here,” you said, trying to sit up again.

“Please don’t do that, you’ll pass out again,” Bruce said.  He sighed.  “You’re here for your safety.  You’re... (Y/N) (Y/L/N), right?”  You slowly nodded, concerned as to how he already knows your name.  “Are you aware of your heavily mutated DNA?” He asked.  You furrowed your brows again and slowly shook your head.

“What does that even mean?”  You asked.

“Well, we aren’t sure yet, but you’re definitely not… uh…” Bruce stammered, looking for the best way to put it, “...normal.”  He cringed at the terrible word choice.  You opened your mouth to ask again, but Bruce explained before you could speak.  “You seem to be able to hold a lot of energy.  It’s like you absorb it.  Your cells regenerate quickly and your metabolism is over double what it should be,” he said, “Honestly, it’s a medical marvel,” he added, scanning over the papers on his clipboard.  “If my tests are correct, you could live for thousands of years, even with whatever powers you might have.”

“Wait, wait, wait- Tests!?  You’ve been doing tests on me!?”  You yelled, sitting up this time.  However, as soon as the room started to spin, you laid back down.

“It was nothing invasive!  We just took a blood sample and I’ve been running some scans on you while you were out. It was just to find out who you were and how dangerous you might be.  Nothing unnecessary.  I promise,” he explained quickly, his hands up in defense.

“That’s still illegal, it’s gotta be,” you replied, and you decided to prop yourself up on your elbows rather than fully sit up.

“Ma’am, we’re with the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division.  We were given clearance to run those tests-“ Phil began.

“I’m sorry, what?” You interrupted again.

“to make sure you weren’t a danger to the public and see if you could be eligible for our Avengers Initiative,” he finished.  Your jaw dropped… did he just?  Ask you?  What you thought he just asked you?

“Wait, Coulson, you’re kidding, right?  She doesn’t even know she has powers-“ Tony protested.

“Tony, if she relearns how to control them, she’d be a great addition to the team,” Steve said.

“Uh... powers?”  You asked.

“Before you blacked out, did you see a bright flash of light?”  Bruce asked.  You nodded.  “That was because you caused it.  Turns out, you absorb light energy, like a solar panel.  You store it, and then you can manipulate it or concentrate it as a weapon, or other things I’m sure.  You did both, caused that bright flash of light, and instinctively saved your own life,” he explained.

“I’m sorry, but I would know if I had super powers.”

“Well, it doesn’t seem you do.  In fact, we managed to find your file, and as it turns out, you stayed in Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters for a while.  You’re a mutant, miss (Y/L/N), and you learned how to control your powers years ago. Somehow you managed to suppress all of it, but you were born well over a hundred years ago.”  He paused for a moment, allowing you to process everything. “We have someone who can help you regain those memories, if you’d like.”  You looked up at him, slowly sitting up.  This time, he didn’t protest to it.  You felt a little dizzy, but you managed to stay up.

“Then, what, I become an Avenger?”

“Under my supervision, yes, that’s the goal,” Steve said.  You looked down, thinking.

“How do I know I can even trust you guys?”  You asked, looking at everyone.

“I don’t suppose you can...  The offer is out there.  Whether or not you take it is up to you,” Phil said.  You bit your lip, lost in thought.  100 years of your life you didn’t even know about- parts of yourself you covered up.

“I guess it’s worth a shot,” You said.

“Come with me, Lady (Y/N),” Thor said with a smile, “slowly.  You are still weak,” he added.  You nodded and slowly moved to stand.  You legs began to shake, but before you could collapse, Thor caught you.  Wrapping an arm around you, he began to walk you out of the room and down the hall.

“So, where are we going?  Another lab?” You asked as the two of you made your way down the hall, Steve following close behind.  Thor chuckled.

“No, my lady.  We are headed to see my brother, Loki.  He has agreed to help restore your memory.”

“How will he do that?”

“To be quite honest, I’m not sure.  He has the power, somehow, of tapping into memories.  Banner believes that your memories aren’t erased, but suppressed.  Hopefully Loki can give you a refresher.”  You nodded, still trying to process everything that had happened.

“Thor?”

“Yes?”

“How long was I unconscious?”

“About three weeks, I believe,” he said as he opened the door to a large room with a glass cage in the center.  Your heart stopped... for two reasons.  Three weeks?  People ought to have been worried about you.  How were you already walking if you’d been comatose for so long? Second of all, there was a man in the glass. He wore green and gold, and when his eyes met yours, you felt nothing but fear.  This was the man you had seen in battle.  Your eyes widened in disbelief.

“Hello, brother,” Loki said with a soft glare.  His eyes wandered over to you and a faint smirk appeared on his face. “Oh hello again.  We’ve met before, haven’t we?”  You swallowed hard, looking at the ground.  You heard Loki laugh and felt Thor tense.

“Loki, do not toy with the girl.  Are you going to help her or not?  We don’t have time for your games,” Thor said, obviously frustrated.  Loki rolled his eyes.

“You’re no fun, brother,” Loki said.  He got up and walked toward you, pressing his hand to the glass.  He watched you, waiting for something. “Well, do you want your memories back or not?”  Thor helped you up and over to the glass.

“Press your hand to his,” Thor said.  You nodded, slowly lifting your hand until it was level with Loki’s and pressing it to the glass.  Within an instant, your eyes rolled back again. 

Everything came flooding back.

Your real parents didn’t want a “freak.”  They gave you up.  Xavier found you and took you into his school, raising you, teaching you how to control your powers.  You trained with Logan Howlett, since you both could heal quickly, and had made a home for yourself.  You even fought beside the X-Men, they called you “Illusia.”  However, after one of your best friends died in a fight, you wanted nothing more than to leave the life of the X-Men.  You couldn’t bare the loss of someone you cared about- not when you felt responsible for it.  You asked another mutant to cover your memories with that of a different life and moved away.  Life went on. And that was that. But your powers didn’t go away.  They couldn’t.  They were a part of you.  You couldn’t run from who you really were.

You woke up with a jolt and a gasp, Thor holding you upright.

“Loki!?  What did you do to her?” He asked, clearly worried.

“I did exactly as you asked me to do, brother,” Loki said calmly.  “She’s alright, just give her a moment.  She has a lot to remember; some heavy stuff, if you asked me.”

“Brother,” Thor warned with a glare.  Loki put his hands up and backed away from the glass with a shrug, sitting down again near the back of the glass cell.  Thor picked you up and carried you out of the room, setting you down in the hall outside.  “Are you alright, (Y/N)?”

“I… I think so?  I don’t… know,” you mumbled.  “I need to just… process… everything… okay?”

“Yes, of course.  Is there anything you’d like me to do?”

“Just… leave me alone for a moment.”

“As you wish,” Thor got up as he spoke and walked back to the room you woke up in just a few minutes earlier.  “I will be waiting in here when you are ready.”

“Thank you, Thor.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied with a smile.  And with that, he went back into the room, Steve followed him in, and you were left to your own thoughts.  The entire life you thought you knew had all been fabricated.  It was all a lie.  How could you compute this all so fast?

“It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?”  Loki asked.  You jumped at the sound of his voice, backing away from him.

“You-you got out? How did you-“

“Sadly, no, this is only an illusion.  I’m still within the walls of that glass prison,” Loki said walking up to you.  He put his hand up to the wall and pushed it through.  You sighed, watching the holographic hand phase through the cold metal wall.  You would’ve been completely calm, but your old instincts were kicking in again.  You mind started to reel. 

This was a villain.  One who had just tried to kill many, many people.  You may have seemed safe, but that doesn’t mean your free from any sort of danger.  What could he possibly have in mind?

“What do you want?”  You asked, your tone cold.

“I can’t be sympathetic?” He asked in an almost innocent tone, tilting his head to the side with a slight pout.

“Go, Loki,” you said sternly, slowly standing up. 

“Where are you off to?” He asked, refusing to move.  A small smirk began to crawl into his features again.

“Training,” You replied as you walked back into the room Thor was waiting in.  You waited for the door to close before speaking.  “Alright,” you announced, acknowledging the four men in the room, “I’m ready.”

You, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), Illusia, were going to be an Avenger.

However, what you didn’t catch as you walked away was the small smile that grew on Loki’s lips.  When you left the hall, his illusion disappeared, and he laughed to himself in his cell.  Today was a day he would remember.  He was intrigued by you, and he felt a hint of excitement as to what the future may hold.  It was going to be interesting; but fun, nonetheless.

(Part 2)

(( SOOOOOO What do you think?  I know, Loki isn’t ever present, it’s comin’ be patient.  And I’m sorry it’s sooo fast paced, I kinda wanted to get all this intro out of the way in one part, so I hope it wasn’t confusing and you didn’t get lsot anywhere.  I also know that this entire part is all just introduction and prologue type stuff, I’m sorry, but every story has to have an exposition.  Anyway, I’m loving it, I’m super excited to be writing this series and see where it goes, and I hope y’all enjoy it too because IT’S WHAT YOU ASKED FOR! Get ready for a painfully slow burning romance ehehehe  ~  C ))

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[5hfanfiction]

FROM AFAR - CHAPTER 9

Lauren (9:54 am): Camz

Lauren (9:54 am): what time is your exam?

Lauren (9:54 am): i didn’t see you leave

Camila (10:00 am): after lunch

Camila (10:00 am): i left at 7:30

Camila (10:00 am): took me forever to fall asleep last night

Lauren (10:01 am): oh shit

Lauren (10:01 am): i saw you messing with your phone

Lauren (10:02 am): but i blacked out pretty soon

Camila (10:07 am): yeah i saw

Camila (10:08 am): there was a time that you got up and i thought you were talking to me

Camila (10:08 am): but then you turned to the pictures on the wall and you pointed at it

Camila (10:08 am): i don’t know if it was your dog or your little cousin

Lauren (10:12 am): OMG

Lauren (10:12 am): i remember that

Lauren (10:12 am): i remember getting up and saying something

Lauren (10:12 am): but i have no idea what was going on in my head

Lauren (10:12 am): hahahhaha

Camila (10:13 am): i was shit scared

Camila (10:13 am): not gonna lie

Camila (10:13 am): don’t ever do that again

Lauren (10:13 am): really?

Camila (10:13 am): yes lol

Lauren (10:13 am): ahahaha it was just a dream, camz

Camila (10:13 am): you can dream in your sleep

Camila (10:13 am): you don’t need to get up and talk

Camila (10:13 am): thank you

Camila (10:13 am): i don’t have to put up with that

Lauren (10:19 am): i think i was dreaming about cruella de vil

Camila (10:22 am): nooo

Camila (10:22 am): it was something cute

Camila (10:23 am): coz you talked with baby voice like you were talking to your dog or a kid lmao

Lauren (10:25 am): damn

Lauren (10:25 am): it was a dog for sure

Lauren (10:25 am): shit i can’t remember

Lauren (12:34 pm): good luck with the exam!!

Lauren (8:42 pm): mi casa, su casa

Camila (9:06 pm): i’ll come by in a while

Lauren (9:08 pm): after you ignored me….

Lauren (9:08 pm): i called you and you didn’t even look at me

Camila (9:10 pm): sorryyy

Camila (9:10 pm): in the hallway?

Lauren (9:17 pm): you little piece of shit

Lauren (9:17 pm): you know where

Camila (9:20 pm): i didn’t hear you, seriously

Lauren (9:20 pm): liar

Camila (9:20 pm): my roommate’s friends left *actually sobbing rn*

Lauren (9:20 pm): uhuuuull

Lauren (9:27 pm): anyway, if you wanna come by

Lauren (9:27 pm): i’ll be here :)

Camila (9:29 pm): okay

Camila (9:30 pm): be there in a bit

Camila (9:30 pm): i’m checking my email and i have to send something to lori

Camila (9:30 pm): but i’m not gonna sleep there

Lauren (9:30 pm): sure

Camila (9:30 pm): if i crash there pam will think i don’t live here anymore and she’ll bring more people

Lauren (9:30 pm): it’s okay

Camila (10:06 pm): are you going to study or watch another movie?

Lauren (10:07 pm): i won’t study

Lauren (10:07 pm): yeah we can watch something

Camila (10:09 pm): think about something to watch

Camila (10:10 pm): are you watching anything rn?

Lauren (10:10 pm): yeah it’s almost over

Camila (10:12 pm): let me know

Lauren (10:32 pm): come over bby

-

Lauren and I used to have our little banter almost every day and continued with our sleepovers. Yes, still holding hands with a very confused Camila. We both knew something was up but neither of us had ever said anything about the matter.

I shared an elective nutrition class with the rest of the group because Lori was too incompetent to find classes that would actually serve us somehow, and on that same week where everything was happening so fast between us, we had decided to look into our horoscopes during class. I know it’s disrespectful but that class was boring as fuck, and not one of us would had chosen to be there if we had a choice. Lauren used to sit beside me on the same desk every week and on that particular day we started to search for our zodiac signs personality traits. After reading up on everything, we switched to our weekly love horoscope. After we both silently read mine at the same time I felt the need to say something.

“Like I actually have a love life….that’s bullshit, nobody is interested in me anyway,” I purposely said. It wasn’t a complete lie though, I wasn’t accustomed to anybody taking notice in me but what’s new, right? But at the same time I wanted to get under Lauren’s skin, I knew she was paying attention to what she was reading, and she was paying attention to me. She didn’t say anything but I could feel her struggle to try to not look bothered by anything I had said or she had read. Also, I wanted to kind of provoke her, to maybe play hard to get by showing her that I wasn’t fully aware of her interest in me. Although I noticed those little things, I still wasn’t sure if what I was seeing was true, it could easily be my mind playing tricks on me. That was what confused me the most.

There has been a time when me and the girls crossed paths when I was coming back from class and they were going to theirs. We just exchanged a few glances and smiles, we had seen each other a few hours back after all, but Lauren complimented my outfit in a very suspicious way, at least that’s what I thought at the time. I just shrugged with wide eyes at Dinah and Ally like I didn’t understand why Lauren had said that, because they didn’t know about any of the stuff that was going on between me and her.

Another time she touched my leg from under the dining hall table, that little intimacy that most couples have, and I froze in place with the thought of possibly having that all the time in the future. She had flirted with me so many times which made me more confused. Sometimes I tried to distance myself from her, to try and sort things out on my own. Lauren was literally driving me crazy and I decided it was time for me to do something that either would confirm my suspicions or end everything for good. The only thing I was sure was that things couldn’t stay the way they were.

It was almost Halloween and we still didn’t know what to do. The fact that Dinah’s birthday was one day before halloween put some extra pressure on us to find something fun to do and celebrate both dates together. On one our little gatherings, Dinah found out that Skrillex was playing in New York City and she was a big fan. I wasn’t a big fan of his style of music and I knew neither Ally nor Lauren were too, but after seeing Dinah’s excitement we all agreed to go. She would be really happy and I would be spending Halloween in New York to the sound of a major artist of our generation so it was a win-win situation.

We didn’t have much time to plan our costumes, we didn’t have money to spend with that stuff too, we were already spending a lot with the bus and concert tickets. Needless to say that we wouldn’t book a hotel to spend the night because well, it was NY and the party would be going on through the whole night, so we’d catch the first bus in the morning.

The day of the show finally arrived. I had spent the whole week prior to that day discussing my relationship with Lauren with my friends from Australia, at the same time that everything was happening between us, and came to the conclusion that I would take that opportunity to solve the mystery once and for all. It was halloween and we’d be drunk for sure. If I tried something on her and things didn’t work out the way I had planned, I’d have the alcohol excuse and so would she. Also, It would be crowded and dark, and people wouldn’t pay attention to us anyway. That wouldn’t make it any easier though. It was a plan, but it would depend on me having the balls to do anything when the time comes.

We were getting ready to go and Lauren was doing my makeup because I’m too clumsy to do that kind of shit. We had decided to paint our faces like mexican skulls and just pick a black outfit. That would be cheap and it’d be cold there anyway. After everybody were done with makeup and clothes, we tried to take some photos. I have this weird habit of laughing at everything and anything, sometimes I would look at Ally and start to laugh out of the blue because I don’t know, her face was funny I guess. But this time I couldn’t stop laughing when we were trying to take pictures and the girls started to lose their patience, including Lauren. I literally couldn’t stop and it wasn’t my fault. They should’ve have known that at this point. But they behaviour towards me just made me grumpy afterwards.

“I can’t stop, it’s not my fault,” I tried to argue but I guess they didn’t care anymore. I was quiet for the rest of the trip to NY. As usual, Lauren sat beside me on the bus and guess what, Paul was bitching again.

“He said that he wasn’t okay with me going tonight but I told him on the day we had decided to go and he was fine with it. But now he’s changed his mind and told me to have fun and do what I’ve always wanted to do, like, what the fuck,” Lauren told me and I just laughed, I had to. I had nothing to say anymore and she knew it too. It was not my business and I was still pissed about the pictures earlier, but that piece of information gave me hope to what could happen later that night. Lauren was pissed at him and she sure would try to enjoy her time, just like he’d said. So I just closed my eyes and tried to rest for the rest of the trip.

We finally arrived and now was time to start drinking. We did know that you have to have money to drink in NY, so we had to drink beforehand because buying drinks there was a no-no. After eating some burgers and drinking some of our stuff, we headed to the pier where the event would take place. It was night time already and we gathered in line outside to wait for the gates to open. Ally and Dinah were drunk at this point, Lauren was tipsy but I wasn’t quite there yet.

“I wonder if today you’ll finally kiss a girl, Mila,” Ally brought it up. Indeed it was the perfect opportunity to finally lose my girl kiss virginity.

“I will try to help you, okay?” We were sitting on the sidewalk outside and I tried not to look at Lauren when our friend said that. I honestly didn’t know what would happen but I was okay with Ally’s help. I just shrugged at her comment not knowing what to say, but from my peripheral vision I saw Lauren getting uncomfortable with what she had said. Either she was planning on making a move too, or she felt awkward with the thought of me eventually kissing another girl that’s not her. But mostly likely it was just my imagination and Lauren was perfectly fine and didn’t care who I was kissing or not. By the time the gates were opened all of my friends were wasted, I felt like I wasn’t even near drunk which sucked because whatever would happen that night would require a drunk Camila.

So we bought a couple drinks from the bar inside the place and I almost had to sell one of my kidneys to pay for it but at least I would be drunk. We made our way to the front where some DJ was playing. The drinks were finally kicking in and the place was starting to get crowded. Ally decided it was time to put her plan on the move and started to ask any girl in front of her if they wanted to kiss me. I was so embarrassed at this point but she wouldn’t stop, until one girl gave me a peck on the lips. Of course it didn’t count as a kiss, in fact I had pecked my friends on the lips before, but that calmed Ally for a bit. I was glad to have her helping me, she didn’t know about Lauren but I knew she was just trying to help, and that I appreciated.

About an hour or so inside the party, and no sign of Skrillex yet, Dinah wanted to use the bathroom, so Ally went with her because the place was huge and it wasn’t safe to be alone in there and get lost, especially being drunk as we were. I stayed behind with Lauren. Neither of us were paying attention to the music at this point, it wasn’t like it we loved it anyway. We were talking when both of us spotted a guy near. He was handsome, so I turned to Lauren making an ‘ok’ sign with my hands to inform her about the cute boy. She then encouraged me to go talk to him. I don’t know why she did that, we were both intoxicated with alcohol but it really confused me.

I went anyway.

He really wasn’t into me, all he did was point in Lauren’s direction and I understood that he wanted her. I don’t know why but I was laughing like an idiot about the whole situation.

“Noooooo, she has a boyfriend,” I tried to speak over the loud music and turned in Lauren’s direction smiling like a retarded. But then he gave me a peck on the lips and kept pointing towards Lauren, like that was my reward for trying and now he had the right to claim his big prize. I didn’t care about it at the moment, I would choose her too because who wouldn’t? But that was a fucked up thing to do.

“Noooo,” I was trying to make him understand that he wasn’t getting anything from Lauren, not while I was around. The boyfriend excuse was valid but it didn’t apply to me. Also, I was okay with kissing other people and I forgot to think if that would affect Lauren’s feelings or not, if she had feeling for me at all. But at the same time I didn’t want her kissing somebody else besides me, just thinking about it scared me. What a hypocrite. I made my way back to Lauren’s side still smiling and leaving the stupid boy behind, it was funny when it happened and I didn’t care about any of it. I’m a really happy drunk person.

“What did he say?” Lauren was giggling.

“He wanted to kiss you but I said you were not available, stupid” I was giggling too. What an idiot. She didn’t say anything after that.

It was just me and her next to each other in the middle of the crowd and we hadn’t said anything for a while. Lauren was so close to me and I thought that was my chance, maybe the only I’d have, but I was fucking scared. I didn’t know what to do, “What does one do when trying to kiss a girl for the first time?”, “Should I ask her? No, that would be stupid”, my mind was running so fast. I thought about giving up the idea but I really wanted it to happen and I had promised myself to do something about our situation, there was a great opportunity and I wouldn’t waste it. So I just put my hand on Lauren’s lower back and that was it. It was what she was waiting for.

Lauren turned to me and we both leaned in for the kiss. It all happened so fast and so clumsily because of our conditions. It was a sloppy kiss. We were hungry for each other and our tongues were everywhere, so I intertwined my hand to Lauren’s hair for more stability. I don’t know how much that little make out session lasted but we both needed some air at some point. Now that Lauren’s lips weren’t against mine it felt kinda weird. I couldn’t look her in the eyes because I was so embarrassed about the kiss. That kiss mattered more than she would think. It wasn’t perfect or even romantic in a way, but it was my first time kissing a girl and that girl was nothing less than Lauren Jauregui. The Lauren that I looked after when she was sick. The girl that would hold my hand in her sleep, and cry on my shoulder when her stupid boyfriend was being an asshole. The one that would compliment me and give me attention when nobody else did. The one that could make me feel less lonely in the middle of my complex existence. What if she didn’t like it?

“The girls are taking too long”

“We should go look for them,” I couldn’t stay there alone with her with nothing to do or talk about. Ally and Dinah were the perfect excuse to get us out of that situation. I held her hand led her through the crowd. We met the girls halfway to the bathroom and now the four of us were making our way back to the same spot.

“Ally, I kissed Camz,” Lauren was giggling again and it seemed like she was drunker than before. Ally was so out of her mind and didn’t care much about it, just smiled. I pretended that I hadn’t heard it and continued making my way through the bodies in front of me. Not that they would notice if I did, though. When we reached our destination I rapidly grabbed my phone and texted one of my friends saying that I had finally kissed a girl. It may sound stupid and vain but it was a huge deal to me.

Friend: Okay, so you have to stop drinking now because I need you to remember every detail tomorrow when you tell me the full story, but I’m so happy for you, Mila <3

I laughed so hard at his words. I needed to tell my friends that it had finally happened, and it was Lauren, but that would have to wait until the next day. Yes, I would shamelessly kiss and tell.