#this time it took the silly gay pirates and made them see THE END OF HUMANITY

[critterofthenight]

girl help my fixations are merging

[charkyzombicorn]

Garp had decided to take the boys out into the woods to camp out for the night, hunting dinner himself as they made their way to a decent clearing. They set up a fire, cooked, ate, and Luffy was out like a light within the hour.

Garp, however, was leaning against a tree, holding half a bottle of sake and watching sparks float into the air before flickering out. Ace got up from where he was attempting to sleep, sitting down on the opposite side of the tree from Garp. Close enough to hear but not see.

"I'm not trying to force you to choose the marine path, you know." Garp muttered, going straight to the important stuff, the two never talked when it wasn't.

Ace sighed, pulling his knees to his chest. "Sure feels like it."

"I'm not, I just…" The man sighed, feeling his age grating on his bones.

"I was friends," He said instead. "with your father." He knew Ace flinched, he always did when the man was brought up. "I know, hard to believe your pirate-hating grandpa was friends with the most nefarious pirate of them all." He watched another spark fizzle into the night sky. "But man did he get my heart racing."

"Ew." Ace snarked.

"Not like that!" He paused for a second. "A little like that, but everyone's a little gay sometimes, kid, that's a fact of life."

Ace had his nose scrunched and his hands over his ears while he made gagging noises. The now empty sake bottle was planted in the dirt and he removed his hands from his ears cautiously.

"He was dying." Garp said, again solemn and morose. "S' the reason he asked me to turn him in. Didn't want to fade away, he could barely breathe on his own by the time he came to me." Ace's breath hitched, but Garp continued.

"He always wanted to tear the world apart, his death did just that." He almost sounded amused in a sad way.

He took a breath. "But I was there. I was getting pats on the back as I watched him get dragged down the street in chains, like he was less than a man, everyone trying to take pictures, reach him, touch the pirate king like he was some exotic endangered animal. He got dragged onto a stage like his death was a performance, like he was the villain at the end of a storybook." He glared at the fire like it was the plasma's fault.

"I watched the life leak out of that man's smile, and I couldn't move because of my pledge to justice. I will not do it again with you if I can do anything to stop it. My loyalty is to the marines, but it's to my family as well."

Ace tried very hard to will the water from his eyes, not knowing if he wanted to hug or punch his grandpa so staying where he was.

The two were silent for a while.

"I just want to be free." The statement cut through the mournful silence with a knife. "I want to be free, to make my own name instead of being shadowed by his, I want to have a family I get to keep." He said, quiet but it didn't matter.

He sighed, rubbing his fist against his blurry eyes. "I'm never gonna make a promise I can't keep, and if Luffy was on that stand, chained like an animal and smiling like it was his last, I would never not save him. He's gonna be the Pirate King." Everything was fact, and it made Garp's chest burn with more than alcohol.

The old man was silent for a long minute. "I'll never stop trying to make you and your brothers into marines." He stated. "But…" He grit his teeth, thinking about how genuinely happy Luffy was, just playing a silly game with his brother, he shone like the sun against the ocean. "...keep Luffy smiling for me, he needs people to stay in his corner, and I can't be with where he's going."

Ace nodded, Garp didn't see but knew anyway.

The rest of the night was quiet, only filled with the uneven chirps and shifts of nature.

[chiluc]

i humbly ask for kaeya and/or beidou the bisexy loves of my life also love ur childe hcs dude they made my day :DDDD

aaahavahshsjajahahs sam my beloved 🥺❤️💕 /p

first impression

kaeya - oooongGGGh gender <3 sexy little fruity bitch 🥰

beidou - wow this character can fit so much trans!! miss i would die for you <3 you are very pretty <3

impression now

kaeya - i am sorry for discarding you like garbage when i latched onto diluc i cant help it 😭 i still care you though

beidou - i am sorry for discarding you like garbage when i latched onto d

(i still love them both very much i just literally cannot think about characters other than diluc and sometimes tartaglia i have a disease and mental illnesses please forgive me)

favorite moment

kaeya - literally whenever he opens his mouth <3 personally love when he acts shady to maintain his image but is actually being considerate behind the scenes 🥺 like in jeans story quest when he seems like hes offloading all the responsibilities onto the traveler but hes actually organizing a party for jean 🥺 HE GETS SHY WHEN HE IS BEING NICE 🥺 SIR?? ❤️💕

beidou - the story about her defeating haishan is incredible BUT i also LOVE the story where she hires xiangling for the first time and subsequently adopts her :) amazing talented showstopping perfect. AND BEIDOU HELPING XIANGLING GET HER NAME OUT THERE AND BACKING HER UP AND 🥺❤️💕

idea for a story

kaeya - i think about this a lot okay but kaeya and diluc going to family therapy together 🥰❤️💕

(after attending therapy for a while they are able to have a much less strained relationship and kaeya is still an annoying older brother but diluc can be an annoying little brother too as a treat :])

beidou - hmm i think beidou/ningguang and their daughter xiangling doing silly little family shenanigans! beidou and xiangling drag ningguang to go ingredient hunting with them and ningguang is like but i can just buy this with mora and beidou and xiangling are like no you cannot! thats no fun at all now come jump off this cliff with us <3 afterwards xiangling cooks up a questionably edible meal and beidou is like 🥺 ningguang honey isnt our daughter so talented 🥺 and they kiss <3 the end <3

unpopular opinion

again i really stay out of this fandom hahaha. literally have no idea what would be considered an unpopular opinion uhhh kaeya and beidou are good actually you just dont know how to play them 💅💕 i think they deserve more love as playable characters 🥺

favorite relationship

kaeya - i mentioned this in the last ask but i love childe/kaeya as fwbs :) they are friends who would not hesitate to kill each other and also fuck sometimes but like no homo or whatever 🙄

beidou - how can i not love beigguang 🥺 trans wlw solidarity ❤️💕 also love xiangling amd beidous family dynamic hehe :) beidou really took one look at xiangling and went ohh it's free daughter <3

also kaeya and beidou are gay pirate besties :)

favorite headcanon

kaeya - he wears the eyepatch for The Aesthetic only :] ill die for this one. dont let me down mihoyo.

beidou - she is trans! this is a fact. beidou lost her eye in the transition 😭 this is so sad omg. oo beigguang hc but i think beidou has tried styling her hair like ningguangs in secret just to see how it would look :)

[beaulesbian]

I decided to finally make a part two of this post, it took me half a year longer than I anticipated, but I rushed to finish it at least for June.

🏳️‍🌈 Happy pride month! 🏳️‍🌈

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley – The best kind of subtle romance I have ever read. Includes mysterious pocket watch, solving bomb threats in Victorian London, a lady scientist, changing of future based on occurring events, an adorable clockwork octopus, and so much more! Did I mention the best, most beautiful romance I didn’t even expect to get?? Read it! (mlm main characters)

All out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by multiple authors, edited by Saundra Mitchell – This book was so refreshing to read!!! Retellings of fairy tales but queer and poc and mostly happy. I enjoyed each of the short story so so much, I don’t have words to say how much I loved this book, just, can we please have more stories like that? Thank you.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman – Ever wanted a book with a main character boy and girl who won’t end up together by the end of the book? Then this is a book for you. Frances and Aled do not only become best friends who won’t end up together, but there’s even more diverse characters than these two main ones. This book even has an ace (demi) sexual representation, which I was very excited about, and the main character is biracial bisexual girl. There is lot of fandom talk and a radio show drama (kind of similar to Welcome to Night Vale). But also talks about other important topics like deciding that college might not be for everyone despite them being a great student in high school.

Not Your Sidekick by C.B. Lee – It’s a cute and sweet superhero themed futuristic story, first book of a trilogy I think. The main character is Vietnamese American bisexual girl, Jessika Tran, whose parents are both superheroes, but she doesn’t have any powers. She starts working for a company she later discovers belongs to town’s villains, but with time she learns that not everything about superheroes and villains is perfectly black and white. Also she’s working there with her crush, so that’s a bonus. It’s a really great book, there’s wlw romance and lot of diversity, action and silly scenes. The history behind the people’s superpowers and worldbuilding was really interesting too. The sequel is also already out, featuring a poc trans boy as the main character, who is part of Jessika‘s friend squad.

The Gentleman‘s guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee – A book everyone here should read!! A historical roadtrip with lot of angst, fluff and mutual pining of two of the main characters. It takes place in 18th century Europe. Monty is kind of an asshole, some moments you will hate him then you will love him, but as the journey progresses so does he. He travels with his sister, Felicity, and his best friend (and crush!) Percy, to visit few cities in Europe before he has to start work in his fathers company. This book addressed lot of issues, like white privilege and racism in that time period, sexism and ableism. But it’s also an adventurous book that’s funny and charming, and makes you feel really happy one moment and sad the next. There are also pirates!

Dreadnought by April Daniels – This is a first book of a duology about a lesbian trans girl Danny who receives superpowers after witnessing death of the superhero Dreadnought, which means she now has to become the new Dreadnought. But with the powers also becames real the ideal vision of her body, that she always wanted. She is very happy about it, but it also means she has to face her family and best friend and explain why she looks different. On top of that she has to help the other superheroes with stopping the new threat to the city, the villain who killed previous Dreadnought. Trigger warnings for transphobia, but it’s really worth to read.

Mask of Shadows by Linsey Miller – I’ve seen mixed reviews of this book but personally I loved it. It’s a fantasy YA with lgbt protagonist, that I don’t have enough of. Sal is a genderfluid, also bi? pan? thief who enters a competition to become one of Queen’s Assassins. Basically the last one standing (or rather living) takes the place. Sal knows how to fight and survive but also needs to learn other things to win this position. Like taking classes of writing/reading which teaches him a lady of court they previously stole something from, whom Sal quickly starts to like more than they should, with the competition at play. For me it was a really great book to read and I can’t wait to read the sequel!

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli – I had to read this one quickly before Leah on the offbeat came out, and it was a joy to read this one too! Again so much representation, I love Becky’s books and the Simon vs world. This story is about Molly who has had a lot of crushes but never actually dated anyone. She’s jewish, has anxiety, is fat, loves her family, is very creative, and has another crush on a guy who is her coworker. There’s so much cuteness in this book, I was smiling and crying the whole time reading it. More for representation: her sister is gay, she has two moms, a new Korean-American pansexual friend (who her sister totally likes) and more. I need to meantion trigger warnings for fatphobia, because of part there with her relative, it made me cry so much, it was very reletable and I hated it but there was very good closure for it in the end, which I’m happy about. Anyway read this book, overall it’s a cute and happy book with lots of fluff!

Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli – I loved Leah from the Simon vs book, so I was really happy we got more focus on her. She’s fat and funny, unapologetic about who she is, in her words: “basically your resident fat Slytherin Rory Gilmore”. There was mentions she likes boys as well as girls. Because of a tour for her college she goes with Abby to see where she will live the next few years and stuff happens. And then there’s also their high school prom, which she thought she was ready for, but maybe she’s not ready for at all. I’m not even going to write more, it’s an amazing book, I cried so many times.

Timekeeper by Tara Sim – This story takes place in a Victorian era Britain where clock towers are needed for time to flow correctly. Therefore there is lot of mechanics who repair said clock towers, because if the clock stops, the town around it stops in time as well. The main character Danny is one of those mechanics in London, but his father is trapped in a town that Stopped and Danny needs to find a way to save him. But after someone tries to sabotage a clock tower in a small city, Danny is assigned in that town to fix it, and he eventually finds out that the myths he heard – that in clock towers could sometimes be seen beings, spirits of the towers – might actually be true. This book was so nice to read, there was the atmosphere of the Victorian era, mystery, cute mlm romance and awesome female characters.

I’ll give you the sun by Jandy Nelson – I cried a lot reading this book. At first it actually took me few months to read past first two chapters, because the writing style was so different from what I was used to, but after that I got absorbed in it very quickly. It’s a story about two siblings, Noah and Jude Sweetwine, who both go through some difficult times, with family, school and personal stuff, it’s about making mistakes and fixing mistakes. It’s about love, art, sibling struggles and growing up.

Other books that I read and loved and definitely recommend:

Of Fire and Stars - Audrey Coulthurst (f/f fantasy romance)

We are the Ants –  Shaun David Hutchinson (m/m)

In Other Lands -  Sarah Rees Brennan (bi mc, m/m)

Release – Patrick Ness (m/m)

Our dark duet – V.E. Schwab (sequel of duology, agender character, not much romance at all in this duology, it‘s one of my favourites)

A Conjuring of Light – V.E. Schwab (a beautiful fantasy, last book of trilogy, happy ending for m/m pairing whose each story is important throughout the whole series. Again, one of my favourite series)

Magnus Chase and the Ship of Dead - Rick Riordan (I don‘t want to spoil here but it‘s good, genderfluid representation since book two, more in this final book)

Ice crypt - Tiana Warner (sequel of the Ice Massacre, wlw romance between mermaid and human girl, who knew each other since childhood, there is third final book, Ice Kingdom, already out, but I still haven‘t read it..)

Happy reading!

(tagging few people who i think might enjoy it ♥♥: @eradne, @poefinn, @twomillionfreckles, @eliotcoldwater, @queen-max, @tsukiyam-a)

[firenationskydominion]

Ch 10: The Psychoanalysis of Ozai

The smell of licorice was in the air. Ozai knew the tea, Emperor’s Dream. How fitting. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He was lying face down on a wooden Balinesian massage table and the hands of two pretty Spanish girls were trying to loosen his back. He hated New Age music, but he tried to ignore it as well as he could. When he opened his eyes he saw a bowl with Firelilies. He was content. He almost felt like a Firelord again. It was so warm and damp he almost fell asleep. He thought about the moment when they had arrived on the island. In the middle of the night their pod had descended into the bay and had landed on water.

A athletic young man with blond hair and a broad smile had picked them up with a boat. His name was Jorge and he and his lover Javi were Myas go-to-guys for everything. Driving, housekeeping, tickets to the clubs and more exotic wishes. They had taken the superfast speedboat to the tiny private beach and walked up a narrow path through a ravine. Finally, they saw the house on top of the hill. Music was coming from the pool deck. Mya had asked Javi about the music and he told her that Klaus the Hippie Hermit was having a nude midnight swim. Mya burst out in laughter.

M:        A great welcome for you, my love! A naked hermit in the pool to welcome us! Hermits bring good luck, I only hope he showered before skinny dipping...

O:        Who is this hermit? 

M:        Oh, he lives in our pirate cave. He’s a mindbender.

Ozai was deeply confused. They entered the house. He saw the terrace, the pool deck with the infinity pool and his room! The room was exactly like in the simulation and yet there were subtle differences. There was no robotic sphere. They went out and were greeted by an old naked man with long grey dreadlocks in which he had knotted pink, yellow and blue beads. He was tanned and his skin looked like meat jerky. He had pale blue eyes.

M:        Hallo Klaus! Was geht ab? How are you?

Mya hugged the old man and Ozai could not help but stare at his dangling private parts.

K:         Getting old, but a midnight swim gets my juices flowing again. And who is this handsome man you bring here. He’s a bit tense, ey? I used to be as handsome as him in younger years. Don’t look at me like that, son! We in Germany call this FKK, free body culture. Doing everything naked, even work and gardening.

Ozai was surprised, taken aback and amused at the same time.

O:        I like your attitude. You are a real hermit?

K:         Not quite, in summer I am here, I live in Myas cave. In Winter I am in Düsseldorf and work as a psychoanalyst. I am specialized in treating narcissistic personality disorders, people with inflated egos and a tendency to use violence.

O:        ... oh, ok.

K:         Mya calls me a mindbender. I hope to see you at one of the Vedic chants or for a tantric healing therapy. Ozai, yes? You are a great looking man! You should get naked! The gay boys will freak out and the girls will chase you.

O:        Tantric... that’s sex, isn’t it?

K:         Sensual, not just sexual. Feeling yourself is the first step to feeling others. So, now I have to get the mats, we’ll start the chant soon. Tschüssi und bis gleich!

Klaus ran off and Ozai watched his tanned wrinkly body disappear in the house.

Ozai was in the shower when he looked out of the window and saw a group of beautiful girls in Bikinis walk towards the pool deck. They had feathers in their hair and flower wreaths on their head. Mya greeted them. She wore the same attire. Mya came to fetch him and they went up to the roof. The Milky Way stretched out over them. Klaus was sitting on the floor in the lotus position.  

K:         Before we start with our vedic chant I want to thank Mya for her hospitality today and I’d like to introduce Ozai. Ozai, please tell us something about yourself!

 O:        Ehm... I am Ozai... I... bend fire, I used to be the ... Firelord, and I am Myas husband...

Everyone was shocked and silent. Then they all jumped up, ran to Ozai and hugged him and Mya like crazy, they also took off all clothes including ours. The smell of incense and body oil was in the air.

Klaus bid us all to sit and started his chant. We girls all joined in. Ozai looked amused. Then we girls joined each other to in pairs to make love. Ozai seemed a bit overwhelmed. Seeing six girls and Mya pleasure herself blew his mind and he watched in amazement. Everything became brighter. Ozai saw a halo around Klauses head. It was the sun rising directly behind Klauses back. We had honoured our goddess Tanit, and she had received us well on the island.

Eventually, when the sun was up, all the girls ran to their cars, they’d have to catch up on sleep before their shifts started in the clubs mid-afternoon.

Ozais massage was over and the memories of the orgy on top of the roof had lifted his spirits. He got dressed in white linen, came out of the massage pagoda, and stepped out into the orange orchard. A long swimming pool ran through the orchard lined by ponds full of water lilies, Lotuses and singing frogs. It was paradise. He picked a ripe orange and started to peel it. Mya had driven him here, somewhere inland. The place was beautiful. He got comfy on a daybed and wondered why Mya had brought him here.

 The day after arrival Mya had informed him that he still in therapy and that he would do a week long test with Klaus. He had argued with her, but she convinced him in the end. So a few hours after breakfast Ozai grudgingly descended the stone steps to the ravine and joined Klaus in his cave. The cave was filled with carpets, cushions and a bed. Mya had told him that the test would take seven days in which he‘d be living with Klaus. Surprisingly Klaus was wearing floating white cotton clothes that day and looked like an old sage. He offered Ozai a Maté tea from a pumpkin bowl with a metal straw. He felt a bit silly sipping the tea in a cave, but he was awake and present instantly.

 O:        So this is where you live...

K:         Yes, it was used by smugglers and pirates as a hiding spot. We found old muscets and daggers stashed in here, but no treasure. And then came the hippies.

O:        Mya told me about them. And the herb they smoked.

K:         I have some. If you‘re nice, I‘ll share it with you.

 Klaus had told him to make himself comfortable on the carpets and cushions and to close his eyes.

 O:        So what is this test about?

K:         Ozai. The test is about Ozai and Ozai alone.

O:        Then I hope to pass with flying colors!

K:         We will see. Let‘s start. I will ask a question, you will answer. Ok?

O:        Sounds good.

K:         Be honest with me, I’ll feel your lies like punches.

O:        ... very well then.

K:         Fine. Tell me about yourself. Who are you?

O:        I am Ozai, Firelord of the Fire Kingdom, driven into exile by my son Zuko and my brother Iroh. I lost the battle against the Avatar. I reconciled with my brother, but my son hates me.

K:         How many children do you have?

O:        A daughter and a son.

K:         Which one was first born?

O:        My son.

K:         And yet you named your daughter first.

 O:        She is like me, energetic, goal driven, she sees the big picture and is mature enough to make hard decisions.

K:         You love her?

O:        .... yes, I do. I failed her, but I love her.

K:         How did you fail her?

O:        She and her mother, my former wife, did not get along well. I should have intervened earlier.

K:         Tell me about your former wife...

O:        What is there to tell. Marriage arranged to honor tradition, families and she seemed nice. I loved her, or so I thought. But she left me for another man.

K:         Painful to lose someone like that.

O:        ....

K:         Tell me about your mother.

O:        ...

K:         Too painful? Let‘s do a break.

   Ozai and Klaus drank more tea. Then Klaus handed him a bong shaped like a dragon.

 K:         Smoke this, it will liberate your heart.

O:        If so, tread carefully on what you see.

 He inhaled. Ozai was used to Fire Nation smoke rituals, but not used to smoking weed. He coughed hard.

 O:        I am feeling as light as a feather!

K:         Lie down again, let me hold your hand and then we try again.

O:        Very well.

K:         Your mother...?

O:        She was from a noble family and totally immersed in her job as first lady. She never really took care of me. I was actually raised by a maid and nurse called Elua. Elua stayed by my side all my life. I was not allowed to acknowledge her, but I think she loved me like a spoilt son.

 One day they told me my mother had died. I hadn‘t seen her for weeks before that. Elua took care of me. When Ursa left, she cooked me her home made broth. Poor people‘s food, but I was touched by it.

 K:         Where is Elua now?

O:        She is spying for me in the palace. I took good care of her, she has nice quarters and is looked after for life.

K:         Do you miss her?

O:        She is a servant, I am not supposed to fraternise with her.

K:         If she was here, would you treat her like a mother?

O:        She is a traditionalist, a true royalist, she‘d be terrified. But I would love to just give her a hug.

K:         So Ursa was the only person you could embrace?

O:        She and my children when they were small.

K:         And then they all deserted you.

O:        Not my daughter.

K:         Did you hug her?

O:        No...

K:         Why not?

O:        We are not such emotional people...

K:         Your Ex-wife?

O:        Don‘t get me started. All theatrical outbursts...

K:         Classic mismatch. And Mya?

O:        She is cold blooded and yet very physical. She touched my hand when we first talked, she‘ll come and hug me for no reason, when she thinks I might need one. She is loving, but she is commander and quite a war horse in battle. I love her, but sometimes... I fear her. It‘s a new experience for me to be with such a strong woman. And I trust her, even if I were a fool to do so.

K:         Do you like it?

 O:        I love it. I feel truly loved and cared for. For the first time in my life. I see that she loves me in many little gestures. Sometimes she watches my sleep, or she checks in on me.

 They had talked about the nature of love, about different perspectives and Ozai became aware for the first time how different perceptions of the same situation could be to different people. They ate stale bread and fruit, he slept on the floor. He missed Mya badly, knowing that she was so close and yet chose to ignore him, saddened him even more. He had expected her to drop by to check in on him, but she didn’t come. Yet every day a small bird came and brought him a tiny note of love from her.

 The next day Klaus gave him a neoprene suit and told him they‘d shift through the bay for plastic trash. The bay was shallow, but the water was cool in early May. They found fish, an octopus and even a stingray. At the end they had several bags full of trash. Ozai was shocked. Was this the price of development? After a week with Klaus doing odd jobs all over Ibiza and extensive psychoanalysis sessions in the cave Ozai was very introspective. He walked up to the house alone. Mya was waiting for him.

 We kissed and hugged.

 O:        You didn‘t check up on me...

 M:        No, you‘re a big boy and some battles you must fight alone. I met up with Klaus before the sessions and I watched you from afar without interfering. And I sent my tweetybird. Are you disappointed that I put my trust in you to pass Klauses test?

 O:        If you put it like this... and I loved your kinky little notes.

We retreated to our bedroom where we caught up on all the missed pleasures of that lonely celibatory week.

I saw in his eyes that something had changed. He had progressed yet he was vulnerable in this state. And I had bad news for him. To easen the arrival of the message I took him to a special place inland to relax.

[gascon-en-exil]

Mercilessly Judging the Men of Jugdral: Part 3

Part 1: FE4 Gen 1

Part 2: FE4 Gen 2

Last and least (least filled-out on average, anyway) there are the men of Thracia 776. Unlike the epic breeding fest that is its predecessor, FE5, like the Archanea games before it or FE6 after, pads out its roster with filler recruits devoid of any character beyond a portrait and a line or two of dialogue. As such I have no choice but to keep this post to a filthy highlights reel of Thracia’s men. Playables not included here may be assumed to be like those guys you skim past all the time because there’s nothing eye-catching or memorable about them; given enough alcohol you may end up messaging some of them and maybe even come away with some photos of varying quality, but men who make such little effort to express themselves can’t possibly expect to leave much of an impression…or to get laid with any regularity.

(Also note that, as mentioned previously, characters who are playable in FE4 as well don’t get an additional entry here. As such we may enjoy the fitting irony of Leif not getting a profile in the post for his own game.)

Rash and impulsive, he’s quick to indicate interest in any guy he finds hot - generally with dick pics - but just as quick to stop responding once he’s finished jerking off or, more rarely, is actually successful in securing a hookup. Never remembers to bring condoms or lube, but it’s not much of an issue for him since he’s happy with trading handjobs and getting sucked off. He’s tried giving head and even anal whenever he happens to meet a guy prepared for a full encounter, but anyone who takes longer to cum than he does frustrates him and makes it tough for him to keep up the pace. Not looking for anything beyond quickies since he’s already got a reliable FWB or two and he’s some years off from having the dedication for a serious relationship. He’s got a soft spot for twinks and might eventually date a nice one once he’s matured a bit, but since they tend to make him uncomfortable in person this currently only manifests in his preferred porn tags.

Is used to being “the average guy” in his group of friends and, to his credit, has probably stopped a few drunken benders from turning criminal and/or lethal. As such he’s not very accustomed to having guys hit on him, but he’ll surprise everyone by immediately going after anyone who expresses a passing interest. Whether that reads as assertive or desperate will vary on the person, but any guy looking for a steady boyfriend with some bulk - a little less glam and a little more pudge if he’s being honest, but then he’s not one for sugarcoating - won’t be disappointed. An experienced top with enough stamina to go for multiple rounds and enough flexibility and cushion on the back end to take a turn bottoming if so desired. He’ll be often overlooked like so many of the other guys in Thracia, but his friends are just crazy enough to keep him from looking too boring.

Unusually involved for a late-in-life gay, he can always be relied upon to be organizing something within the community, whether it’s an amateur sports team for his favorite bar or a drag show for charity. He’s more likely to meet guys at such events than he is on hookup apps, though he does put in a token appearance on all the ones friendly to more hirsute men. Doesn’t have a problem with femme guys but isn’t likely to get naked with them either, and if he finds his (second) better half it’ll most likely be with a good-natured cub. The Bear flag hangs prominently in at least one of his offered selfies, which also include close-up action shots of him breeding and/or getting bred by someone just as hairy as he is (but don’t worry, he’s on PrEP and has all the relevant links and pamphlets on hand to encourage you to get on it too).He may be a bit short and stubby below the belt, but his gut isn’t as pronounced as it often is for men of his build so there won’t be too many problems with maneuvering at least. Likes to fuck long and slow for hours, but he won’t push his partners if they can’t keep up with his pace.

Deceptively hairy, as anyone will discover once he starts sending pics, but aside from that he seems like a typical gym bunny at first glance. It’s only after getting to know him through conversation - generally after exhausting him via a lengthy session of circle jerking and oral - that he reveals that he’s been recovering from a reckless past of partying and drug use. Has unquestionably engaged in PNP, possibly with meth, but if nothing else he deserves props now for making an earnest effort to clean up his act. Is not really that much of a top - after being dependent on alcohol and drugs to get in the mood he doesn’t stay hard for long - but this will work out in his favor since what he really needs is a strong guiding hand from an older man. As a power bottom he’s both loud and sloppy; his aim is terrible even when sitting on a dick. Even so, he’s a dream come true for a bear looking for a beefy young man and/or a good project.

Still in some equivalent of a teenage mall goth phase, though in his case it’s more like a pirate phase what with the piercings and tattoos and overall swarthy look. Not very secure in his sexuality, but he’ll angrily rebuff any attempts at playing therapist or any requests from guys looking for something more than a blow-and-go. Will open conversations with a dick pic and precise stats, and if that proves enticing he might be feeling risqué to show off his (underdeveloped) torso. May never progress beyond the level of glory holes and handjobs with no eye contact until he addresses his myriad hangups, which range from a deeply embarrassing crush on a guy who used to bully him in school to an even more embarrassing diaper fetish - any evidence of which he’ll immediately scrub clean from his internet history after each guilt-laden wank. In the end he’s probably best off being left alone, though it’s anyone’s guess what amount of trouble he could end up in on his own.

He can always be counted on to spend most of his time at bars hanging outside by the door, greeting all the twinks with a winning smile and heckling any homophobic passerby with taunts and poses that he assumes look more threatening than silly. His white knight-ish behavior has indeed gotten him laid on more than a few occasions, but he’s got just as many rivals as he’s got satisfied fans. Buffed up to full-on twunk shortly after hitting the scene for the first time when he realized that no one was going to take him seriously as a Dom otherwise with that face. Flexible enough to work with ropes, leathers, blindfolds, or simple hard vanilla fucking depending on what’s being asked of him, although he does get an extra thrill out of the kinky stuff. He’s got a good sense for when he’s worn out his welcome and would be better moving on, something he can accomplish with ease thanks to a lack of serious career aspirations and his ability to charm his way into hearts and beds no matter where he ends up. It’s unlikely he’ll ever return to his hometown, after an incident in which he drunkenly made a pass at a guy that he later figured out was his own brother.

Still a few years away from being old enough to drink - and about fifteen years away from looking old enough - but he gets in anyway since he has a tendency to hang around upperclassmen. Unironically wears booty shorts and flashy scarves and sometimes glitter because he’s a twink and knows it, and even though he gets all the tops in the place hot and bothered he’ll swear up and down that he’s never danced on top of a bar and never plans to. He’s actually quite faithful to the aforementioned older friends, to the extent that he may list himself as in a relationship on hookup apps even if he’s not technically dating any of them. Likely feels this way toward the guy who took his virginity, specifically. Still a little willowy to really bottom well, and with his intellectual interests and career aspirations that’s unlikely to change much as he gets older. Maybe once he hits college the freshman fifteen will give him a little more cushion. Expect to see him settled down and at “we only play together” status a few years down the line…unless the object of his precocious affections happens to be looking elsewhere, in which case expect to find him one night bent over a desk by one of his professors.

His entire personality may be perfectly summed up by the word “surly.” He expresses non-verbal interest often on apps (i.e. he’s a “serial woofer”) but never initiates conversation, and on the rare occasions that he goes out he’s the type to hang out against the wall by himself nursing a beer and watching the crowd. He almost never responds to attention either, though he’s got a hidden soft spot for wide-eyed types who seem just as out of place as he is. As might be expected of a guy who rarely hooks up and whose idea of a good sex partner is just that - an idea - he feels more comfortable pleasuring himself in solitude than in performing the act itself. It’s a shame, too, because he’s got a pretty nice dick and naturally high skill and stamina to put it to work. He’s even bottomed a few times though he’s loathe to say he liked it, not because he’s got any problems with that but because his sex life is one of the many things he never likes to talk about.

His profile is fully descriptive but not all that interesting - looking for friends and good conversation, not willing to hookup or jump into anything too quickly, goal-driven but not pushy, and so on. He’s the perfect guy to bring home to your mother, and on the surface he really does seem as dull as that entails. However, he’s benefited from a surprisingly thorough education courtesy of an older friend and longtime community member, and after he’s gone on a few dates and gotten comfortable with someone he’d be more than happy to show off everything he’s learned. Fully vers but still inexperienced with taking charge in the bedroom, he’ll be happy to follow his partner’s desires wherever they may lead. Quite a nice package too; it’ll be worth the wait to see it since he doesn’t take naughty selfies as a rule. At or just before his eventual wedding he’ll introduce his new spouse to his friend, a meeting that will lead to many warm and companionable nights together that may optionally end in orgies.

By all appearances he’s your average clean-cut mild-to-wild twenty something, looking for casual dates and maybe a little fun while he finishes up school or ascends his chosen career ladder. He has a weakness for younger guys though…including those who are clearly falsifying their ages to be on the apps in the first place. It’s no big deal now - who doesn’t understand the appeal of a twink who knows how to work it? - but in a decade or so he’ll be decidedly in creepy sexual predator territory. As his current trajectory seems to be setting him up for a high profile position it’s probably best to stay away or risk being caught up with him when the shit hits the fan, but then again he could find himself a nice stable boy to date and settle into the comfortable and mostly-monogamous role of sugar daddy. His biggest fantasies involve electroshock kink, so his greatest challenge will be finding a twink who’ll get into that too.

Still bears the remnants of a tragic emo phase that he hasn’t quite left, but to his credit he can take (some) jokes about his weird hair and makeup choices. Pot and hallucinogens used to be his scene, but he’s been trying to get clean for a little while now. Unfortunately he’s still the type of guy who’s best dealt with through a phone or in the dark and smoky atmosphere of a bar, because he smells horrendous up close. Hookups are surprisingly fun though they come with the challenge of sneaking into whatever sober living community he currently calls home, and with that environment if he’s hit it off with anyone there odds are things will get awkward if he’s discovered playing the field. He’s quite aware that he’s not boyfriend material in any sense to anyone who’s not as screwed up as he is, but he’ll still smile and give his partners a warm hug and a reminder to come back anytime after they’ve gotten dressed. He just really appreciates the company. Has an interesting selection of cock rings, up to and possibly including a Prince Albert.

His selfies surprise in their quality and variety, and it takes only one meeting with this guy to figure out that the serious tone of his profile regarding community outreach and sex positivity belies his dark sense of humor and even darker bedroom proclivities. He’s enjoyed the company of numerous call boys and amateur porn stars and will let anyone know it, though he’s not enough of a dick to be the kind to expect that level of performance from anyone. All the same he’ll be more engaged in conversation with a guy he can sense is experienced, as he doesn’t get much out of training untried virgins (or claims he doesn’t, anyway). Can go either way - he loves to take bottoms hard and fast just as much as he loves to take huge uncut cocks (more than one at a time if he can get it) himself. He’s by no means hardcore femme, but he wears the reclaimed labels of effete gay stereotypes with pride and won’t hesitate to throw them in anyone’s faces if they take issue with that. It’s doubtful anyone’s seriously looking to date him given how rough around the edges he can seem, but he’s got a little something lowkey romantic on the side of all the wild fucking so he doesn’t much care if his unconventional life choices raise any eyebrows.

His marriage is happy in spite of its conventionality, and he only found himself making a profile on the apps after he shared with his wife the story of the college roommate he had a massive crush on but never had the courage to approach. He’s just as painfully earnest online about his situation: he’s just looking to experiment with something he’s not yet experienced outside of his own fantasies and the occasional foray into the equivalent porn. Can’t take a selfie for the life of him and his looks are just starting to go - maybe he’ll try growing a beard at some point once he learns about bears and such - but there are still a few friendly and open-minded men willing to take him up on his offer of mutual masturbation and possibly some oral. Anal play of any kind is still a pipe dream for the moment, but one has to give him points for trying…and his wife for being so understanding, even if after cumming with someone he might quietly intimate that things weren’t always so peaceably open between the two of them. Never blocks anyone, but all his hookups tend to forget about him shortly thereafter anyway. His wildest dream involves meeting his roommate again somehow, having a few drinks and seeing where the night takes them, but what are the odds of that?

He may no longer be on active duty, but he maintains the strict sense of duty and regimentation that comes with the “military” tag on his profile (though this clearly does not extend to his personal grooming). Is one of those guys who’s really into exotic pets, but at least his favorite reptiles are low-maintenance and won’t interrupt foreplay by demanding cuddles. Shies away from rough types like himself, preferring the company of twinks who love to ogle his biceps and make him feel needed and important even if it’s just for the few minutes it takes for him to fuck them to an explosive prostate orgasm. Tends to get wistful after sex, and some prodding will reveal that he’s still holding a candle for someone he knew back in his service days who ended up marrying someone else. It’s exactly the sort of thing to ward off more vapid partners from looking for repeat visits, but a sufficiently sensitive touch may just be able to help him move on and turn him into long-term relationship material. The dick alone would be worth it. 

Is a known regular at every bar, strip club, and urgent care center (for gonorrhea, and hopefully nothing worse) in the area. Perpetually drunk, frequently high, and willing to hit on anything that moves, even high school students if he thinks he can get away with it. His hookup space is casually enticing for seekers of NSA, and he’s got a fully-stocked album and a range of videos showcasing everything on offer. Likes to manspread in public to show off the goods, not that he’s packing anything huge down there. Similarly, when not performing for the camera his skill in bed is more imagined than actual, even on the rare occasions when he’s actually sober. When he’s not indulging his vices he’s busy composing filthy poems of questionable quality and writing half-formed sentences for a novel that may surprise everyone by actually getting written one day, assuming he doesn’t OD or get himself murdered first. No one knows what he does for a living and he’s not telling; the best guess anyone has is that he’s a humanities major dropout and either a trust fund baby or a prostitute. Possibly both.

Never uses a face pic and gives out a pseudonym when asked, which he explains by telling guys that he’s a politician. Dreams of silk sheets and caviar and a media circus should things go south are quickly dashed before the first date even begins however, because in fact what he really means is that he’s a working-class aspiring politician with a massive chip on his shoulder and a hunger to work his way up through whatever menial government post he can manage. Resents anyone with more money than him and will angrily rebuff offers of compensation for his time *ahem*, and the sex that he does have is stiff and almost never ends in orgasm for anyone. Very few guys will come back for seconds, particularly since his political views lead toward establishment conservatism and as such he’s almost certainly got some internalized homophobia he’s making a powerful effort to ignore. Everyone may at least take comfort in the fact, should he ever actually get elected anywhere, his stubbornness and various neuroses will ensure that he’s terrible at the job.

Forget about asking for stories of wild nights in the seminary, because he’s always been a priest on a mission. He’s not on any hookup apps and rarely goes drinking, but he’s met his share of guys nonetheless doing community outreach or missionary work. Is usually too busy and too dedicated to even consider being fun in bed, but he’s not bad to look at for a little clerical fantasizing and makes for a fascinating conversationalist for all manner of theological and philosophical discussion. His political sympathies are just slightly radical for his order so it’s not entirely out of the question that he might one day be tempted to indulge himself, but lacking experience it would mostly come down to affectionate cuddling and cute fumbling with the logistics of the serious stuff. No one could keep up with his lifestyle of wandering service, but he doesn’t mind since he can make sincere friendships and encourage guilty boners wherever he may happen to find himself.

By a combination of good fortune and deliberate cultivation he’s a near exact likeness for a celebrity much lusted-after by the gay community at large, a point that he exploits to his advantage whenever possible. Protects himself from the possibility of lawsuits and the strong likelihood that his doppelgänger is straight by using the classic headless torso and genitalia close-up approach to serve for introductions and only agreeing to discreet NSA hookups in semi-public places. He can only maintain the façade in the digital space however, as anyone who meets him in person will instantly note that he sounds and acts nothing like the man he’s impersonating. He’s unskilled and clumsy during sex, but bizarrely he makes for an excellent teacher and has successfully helped many a hapless kid hone his technique at topping or giving head or taking a dick…or a dildo rather, since he can’t be relied upon most of the time to aim himself properly. His world will implode if he’s one day rebuffed by a guy who claims adamantly that he’s not who he says he is because the actual celebrity’s dick is bigger - and he’s got the photographic evidence to back it up.

Seems innocuous at first glance, a kindly older bear with some mildly interesting conversation and a handful of tame pictures of himself at home or out with friends to offer. He’s been through some rough patches but lives quietly and comfortably now, and while he’s a bit past his prime he’s easily pegged as a dream daddy, with or without sugar. It’s after the night’s wearing on and the foreplay has moved into a horizontal position that a major problem presents itself - this man will not cum. Suck him until your jaw locks, ride him until even he can’t handle the strain anymore, tongue him and fuck him until you can’t stay hard, leave hickeys all over his neck, massage his balls, nipples, ass, feet, and wherever else he can think to point out…nothing will get him off. It’s not because he doesn’t want to and isn’t trying either, but whether it’s because the years have taken their toll on him, he was never very sexual to begin with, or he has a crippling porn addiction you’d practically need to host a sixteen-man orgy with the wildest, dirtiest fucking anyone could conceive in order to get him to blow his load. He’s bound to lose interest eventually in anyone who can’t satisfy him in bed too, so there goes those ideal daddy fantasies. Would it even be worth all that effort, though?

He’s very well known for his charisma and presence, and not just to the local community. He makes friends easily on apps not by trading pictures but by engaging in extended, thought-provoking conversations that get gently steered away from sex at every opportunity. Larger than life he may seem, but he tends to underwhelm on a first real meeting; he’ll come across as aloof and distracted, and he doesn’t seem to have a very good grasp on how to progress a relationship beyond cocktails and warm glances. Presumably he’s never had much in the way of sexual mentorship, but whatever the explanation don’t expect too much from him once his clothes finally come off. Oh, he’s surely very well-endowed and well-formed in general, but it would be better to look elsewhere if you’re in search of someone who actually knows how to put his good genes to work. He’s got a nice selection of toys though, particularly for anal play, so those might work as bedroom icebreakers.

He’s downright grungy from the state of his appearance and the dingy backdrops of his selfies, enough to where the aged bad boy charm might not even be enough to carry him. He spends his life floating from one dive bar to the next, a recovering something or other who’s fallen off the wagon so many times it’s a wonder he’s not dead in a ditch. He’s even paying child support for a kid or two, a result of either youthful experimentation or genuine bisexuality that was poorly thought-out regardless of its cause. Skilled and domineering in bed, but won’t be into breeding guys since he’s just now learning to be responsible with condom usage…not that those will stop him from occasionally passing on his crabs or his herpes. He’ll never be a reliable father, husband, or partner on any level, but under his gruff exterior there are a wealth of stories to be teased out of him during whatever pillow talk he’ll allow, poignant and bittersweet and most shockingly of all reaching back to a past life of wealth and privilege when he was (comparatively) sober and washed his clothes more than once a year.

[gywair]

I finally watched Endgame. I’d put it off a week since its release. It felt like planning to attend a funeral. This series has been part of my life for a decade. Going to see the cumulation of over twenty films felt too heavy to see. Putting it off only made the tension build though. Finally, bite the Infinity Stone and ordered tickets.

First, I watched it in “4DX”. This is similar to the theme park rides that started popping up that are a mixed medium experience. So the seats move, air blasts at you, there are water effects, lights flash, and even smells get pumped into the room. In theory, this seems really interesting but usually, I go to movies I don’t care about to try out new gimmicks. My first 3D film was My Bloody Valentine. It was silly and fun. It also helped me adjust to what a 3D movie would be.

My first 4DX-like experience was the Empire State Building ride as narrated by Kevin Bacon. A sentence that makes me feel like I suffered a stroke while writing but is a real thing that exists that I have experienced. It’s been a few years since that and I think it lasted less than 20 minutes (probably less). Sitting for an entire movie seemed like a whole different worm can.

For me, I didn’t really like it. The water, lights, and smells were cool. The smoke was nice too. The seat, however, is made for someone slightly smaller. So when Iron Man gets kicked in his kidneys, oh spoilers BTW, the seat hits you too like a demented message chair. I think normally it would softly strike you in the back on your rib cage. For me, it went straight to my soft organs. This made the fights are to concentrate on (a problem for a movie about fighting). Likewise, little jets of compressed air go off just above your head. For me, they were pointed directly into my ears. So each time they fired off, I couldn’t hear and had the painful sensation of a ghost giving me a wet willy (I’m also blessed with ear problems so your experience may vary).

Anyway, big thoughts:

The Good:

The job of wrapping up 20+ movies was a big task. This film does that. It has a large cast of characters and several errant storylines to wrap up in a short timeframe. Cause even with 3-hours, this felt like there was still more to say. Which isn’t bad cause that means there can still be more films but for a chapter closer it was ambitious.

I was satisfied by the investment I’ve made into the franchise. This was a fitting close to this chapter. Each film contributed in ways that made the complete journey feel fluid and necessary.

It makes several subversions of expectations. Not just for characters but for narrative design. It kept me guessing the entire time. Even with seeing a handful of tiny spoilers, I was never sure what was going to happen.

Avengers served up heaping mounds of gratuitous fan service in the best ways possible. Sometimes this can be very bad like in animes when the whole episode is about boys spying on girls in a hot tub. Here, it’s Captain America fighting a copy of himself or Professor Hulk half-assing some smashing. One of the best parts of the film is about time travel. Here they show off fan-favorite Loki popping up at different points in history.

One important aspect to me for a story of any kind is how much foreknowledge a viewer needs before starting the work. If you watch Pirates of the Carribean 3 or Return of the Jedi, you will be pretty confused. However, you can pick up just about any Marvel movie anywhere in the series and have a fair idea of what is going on. This continues in this installment. Some context is lost or hidden but anything you need to know is shown/told/explained to you. This, for me, is what makes a story stand on its own legs.

See?! This scene just makes sense all on its own.

The Bad:

With so many cooks in the kitchen, there are still weird dangling problems in the continuity. Things still feel left open to interpretation. Even the filmmakers didn’t agree on how elements in the film worked which is something that should have been determined before the first Avengers movie was written. It feels haphazard with how certain things were written off or ignored.  This plays well into feeling like a comic book where different creators retrofit things to fit their narrative but it still felt jarring.

For example, in Captain Marvel, the cat has a stone. Well… so does Thanos… but also now Loki… There is a lot going on and even a whole (if well delivered) exposition still didn’t completely cover all their bases. It feels like they slapped it together at random at times. I get that they can play with the timeline literally but I feel like there were still a lot of open questions that should have been answered that weren’t.

I could rewatch all the movies (read as: will eventually) to get the full context. This makes the act of enjoying these films more academic though than just for pleasure viewing. It’s not that I don’t want to do this but for casual viewers, there was a lot of backstories to keep up with to get each nod.

The Ugly:

After years of hearing that fans want more women characters, the film tried to give them the limelight for an action sequence. The rest of the film is mostly about a boys’ club rushing around doing action hero stuff. Yes, Nebula and Black Widow make important contributions to the plot but they feel sidelined or overshadowed by the boys. The problem here is that the women are treated more like set dressing than people important to the plot to move ahead. If Spiderman had finished running the Infinity Glove to the van it would have served the same device. Instead, they made a big show of having the girls team up for a few seconds.

Supposedly this movie was gonna have a “Big Gay Film Moment” TM that would make people happen. Instead, it just suggested that gay people do actually exist. IDK man, like that, is a pretty cold take. If Warmachine and Bucky had started making out after the big fight I would have been cheering my head off. I’m not upset by any means. This is more of a missed opportunity for the filmmakers to do something and instead, they took the safest path.

  Hope you weren’t invested in Starlord and Gamora cause that entire trio of films is pretty much null now so far as character development for Gammy. She had an awesome arc. Then they killed her off. Then she comes back but now she doesn’t know Quill. Okay, well this means that other dead people come back… right? Oh, no? Vision and Black Widow are still gone? Weird… I heard this is cause they were killed pre-Snap BUT so was Gamora and they got her back. I think they were just running out of time. I hope Scarlet Witch gets to go back to her robo-boyfriend.

Was that all just a wild middle finger to Gunn? That’d be drama.

The funeral… why isn’t anyone crying? Everyone seems so calm. Is this like when you have already been to like six superhero funerals that week and five are already back on their feet?

I told myself I wasn’t gonna cry.

Characters:

Alright, so this film had way too many characters to really cover perfectly as a group. I have some stray thoughts on several, however.

Hulk is my new boyfriend and I will fight you for him. Banner has made peace with himself and created a half-way point between Hulk and himself. Now he is permanently strong and smart. This is wonderful for character development as he finally finds the peace and belonging that he has wanted since Edward Norton tore up downtown as the rage-y green giant. His new hipster persona felt satisfying and fresh for the film universe. Something of a reversal of the Ragnarok Hulk.

Captain America finally bangs and accepts his position as “America’s Ass”. I’m so proud of my boy. He’s all grown up.

It took Iron Man a decade but Tony Stark finally discovered how to care about something other than himself. His character arc is the film universe’s arc to this point. He was the foundation for everything that came after. This film serves as much an Iron Man movie as it is an Avengers’.

Black Widow kind of gets the shaft here. She began as a coldhearted assassin and ends up as the corporate mom leading the heroes’ home base. There is so much to still unpack for her. Her character has so much potential just under the surface but no one seems to be interested digging into it. I mean Scarlett Johansson “kills” in the role but this movie doesn’t really give her anything to do except talk to Hawkeye…

Hawkeye tried to be the Marvel Aquaman comeback kid and he just comes off as edgy but not in a good way. More like a midlife crisis day buys a motorcycle than the Crow. Like, he tries to make it sound like his entire career of being an assassin was more good than being an assassin now. He does get a brutal back story but I feel like he falls short of reaching his character potential here. He does get some cool scenes and then just gets shoved to the back of the movie.

Thor is bae. He has a brutal journey to this movie but he gets a lot of character work here. His beer belly hermit hijinks provide a much needed comedic break. I also cried like a baby over him.

Rocket has finally gotten some growth as a person. In this movie, he gets to interact with the core team more. This was a lot of fun because of his sass with characters like Iron Man. Also, he finally dons his iconic blue flight suit and red scarf–not important but it was a fun Easter egg.

It only took two Guardians and an Avengers but they finally let Karen Gillan really make Nebula rule. Gillan is a fabulous actor so it was always painful that Nebula just ran around screaming. In Endgame, she finally gets to have some real personal moments that don’t feel weird. Paper football was the best scene honestly for the emotion and narrative. I mean, her whole career as a sour rage junky comes to a boiling point and then she FINALLY gets to open up the tiniest bit with Tony. I really hope there is something… anything in the future where she gets to be this new fun Nebula. It’s like your weird aunt went on vacation and actually had some personal growth and brings you back some neat shells and a guy named Desmond for herself.

Ant-Man got some funny moments in but nothing to really write home about. He was our Joe McEverydude here and it worked fine. I’m baffled at the taco scene but it was worth it for Hipster Hulk to share with him. Like, I know Scott Lang as a character isn’t super bright. That’s his whole thing. But, I just can’t understand what would drive him to go outside the fancy building to eat tacos on a bench facing the jet landing pad.

Warmachine got some interesting developments here. I’m sad now that he didn’t get to build a romance with Nebula (that is just barely suggested here). He felt like a full member of the team rather than just a sidekick from movies past.

The Falcon & Bucky were there. I really wish there had been some kind of closure or growth moment for them. In Winter Soldier, they were at each other’s neck. Now they seem cool. A friendly word or a high five could have sold me on their growth but they kind of get forgotten instead. I was never gonna see my Falcon-Bucky slash make it to the silver screen but would it have killed the Russos to have one heated kiss between these two obviously boyfriend material lads.

**EDIT** —–> THERE IS A SPIN OF THESE DORKS. OMG.

Alright. I’m psyched for this.

Captain Marvel comes in at the end of this list just like she did in the movie. That’s right, she shows up as a Deus ex Machina and looks cool but really got burned here. She deserved better. She just drops in for a minute to help and then jets. Still cool but she gets no development here. Her movie rules though so I’m gonna forgive it. Mostly. That said, it was wild to see basically an Amy Dangerous on screen and that was special for me.

Closing Thoughts:

It was a really fun movie. I may never watch it again. Just like the other Avengers, it’s a good time but it feels more like a spectacle than a great film. That’s not bad but when I watch a film, I wanna see characters grown in new unexpected ways. I want to see hard choices and emotions. Those moments were there but as little islands between big budget action scenes. I really enjoyed it but for the same amount of time, I might just watch Ragnorok again or Detective Pikachu. Finishing this movie felt like the end of a long (20 movie) hike. It was a great adventure. The fun of it was the friends we made along the way. I don’t regret a minute of it.

But it feels good to be at the end.

For now.

Endgame Thoughts I finally watched Endgame. I'd put it off a week since its release. It felt like planning to attend a funeral.

[readbookywooks]

When Wendy Grew Up

I hope you want to know what became of the other boys. They were waiting below to give Wendy time to explain about them; and when they had counted five hundred they went up. They went up by the stair, because they thought this would make a better impression. They stood in a row in front of Mrs. Darling, with their hats off, and wishing they were not wearing their pirate clothes. They said nothing, but their eyes asked her to have them. They ought to have looked at Mr. Darling also, but they forgot about him.

 Of course Mrs. Darling said at once that she would have them; but Mr. Darling was curiously depressed, and they saw that he considered six a rather large number.

 "I must say, he said to Wendy, "that you don't do things by halves." a grudging remark which the twins thought was pointed at them.

 The first twin was the proud one, and he asked, flushing, "Do you think we should be too much of a handful, sir? Because, if so, we can go away."

 "Father!" Wendy cried, shocked; but still the cloud was on him. He knew he was behaving unworthily, but he could not help it.

 "We could lie doubled up," said Nibs.

 "I always cut their hair myself," said Wendy.

 "George!" Mrs. Darling exclaimed, pained to see her dear one showing himself in such an unfavourable light.

 Then he burst into tears, and the truth came out. He was as glad to have them as she was, he said, but he thought they should have asked his consent as well as hers, instead of treating him as a cypher [zero] in his own house.

 "I don't think he is a cypher," Tootles cried instantly. "Do you think he is a cypher, Curly?"

 "No, I don't. Do you think he is a cypher, Slightly?"

 "Rather not. Twin, what do you think?"

 It turned out that not one of them thought him a cypher; and he was absurdly gratified, and said he would find space for them all in the drawing-room if they fitted in.

 "We'll fit in, sir," they assured him.

 "Then follow the leader," he cried gaily. "Mind you, I am not sure that we have a drawing-room, but we pretend we have, and it's all the same. Hoop la!"

 He went off dancing through the house, and they all cried "Hoop la!" and danced after him, searching for the drawing-room; and I forget whether they found it, but at any rate they found corners, and they all fitted in.

 As for Peter, he saw Wendy once again before he flew away. He did not exactly come to the window, but he brushed against it in passing so that she could open it if she liked and call to him. That is what she did.

 "Hullo, Wendy, good-bye," he said.

 "Oh dear, are you going away?"

 "Yes."

 "You don't feel, Peter," she said falteringly, "that you would like to say anything to my parents about a very sweet subject?"

 "No."

 "About me, Peter?"

 "No."

 Mrs. Darling came to the window, for at present she was keeping a sharp eye on Wendy. She told Peter that she had adopted all the other boys, and would like to adopt him also.

 "Would you send me to school?" he inquired craftily.

 "Yes."

 "And then to an office?"

 "I suppose so."

 "Soon I would be a man?"

 "Very soon."

 "I don't want to go to school and learn solemn things," he told her passionately. "I don't want to be a man. O Wendy's mother, if I was to wake up and feel there was a beard!"

 "Peter," said Wendy the comforter, "I should love you in a beard"; and Mrs. Darling stretched out her arms to him, but he repulsed her.

 "Keep back, lady, no one is going to catch me and make me a man."

 "But where are you going to live?"

 "With Tink in the house we built for Wendy. The fairies are to put it high up among the tree tops where they sleep at nights."

 "How lovely," cried Wendy so longingly that Mrs. Darling tightened her grip.

 "I thought all the fairies were dead," Mrs. Darling said.

 "There are always a lot of young ones," explained Wendy, who was now quite an authority, "because you see when a new baby laughs for the first time a new fairy is born, and as there are always new babies there are always new fairies. They live in nests on the tops of trees; and the mauve ones are boys and the white ones are girls, and the blue ones are just little sillies who are not sure what they are."

 "I shall have such fun," said Peter, with eye on Wendy.

 "It will be rather lonely in the evening," she said, "sitting by the fire."

 "I shall have Tink."

 "Tink can't go a twentieth part of the way round," she reminded him a little tartly.

 "Sneaky tell-tale!" Tink called out from somewhere round the corner.

 "It doesn't matter," Peter said.

 "O Peter, you know it matters."

 "Well, then, come with me to the little house."

 "May I, mummy?"

 "Certainly not. I have got you home again, and I mean to keep you."

 "But he does so need a mother."

 "So do you, my love."

 "Oh, all right," Peter said, as if he had asked her from politeness merely; but Mrs. Darling saw his mouth twitch, and she made this handsome offer: to let Wendy go to him for a week every year to do his spring cleaning. Wendy would have preferred a more permanent arrangement; and it seemed to her that spring would be long in coming; but this promise sent Peter away quite gay again. He had no sense of time, and was so full of adventures that all I have told you about him is only a halfpenny-worth of them. I suppose it was because Wendy knew this that her last words to him were these rather plaintive ones:

 "You won't forget me, Peter, will you, before spring cleaning time comes?"

 Of course Peter promised; and then he flew away. He took Mrs. Darling's kiss with him. The kiss that had been for no one else, Peter took quite easily. Funny. But she seemed satisfied.

 Of course all the boys went to school; and most of them got into Class III, but Slightly was put first into Class IV and then into Class V. Class I is the top class. Before they had attended school a week they saw what goats they had been not to remain on the island; but it was too late now, and soon they settled down to being as ordinary as you or me or Jenkins minor [the younger Jenkins]. It is sad to have to say that the power to fly gradually left them. At first Nana tied their feet to the bed-posts so that they should not fly away in the night; and one of their diversions by day was to pretend to fall off buses [the English double-deckers]; but by and by they ceased to tug at their bonds in bed, and found that they hurt themselves when they let go of the bus. In time they could not even fly after their hats. Want of practice, they called it; but what it really meant was that they no longer believed.

 Michael believed longer than the other boys, though they jeered at him; so he was with Wendy when Peter came for her at the end of the first year. She flew away with Peter in the frock she had woven from leaves and berries in the Neverland, and her one fear was that he might notice how short it had become; but he never noticed, he had so much to say about himself.

 She had looked forward to thrilling talks with him about old times, but new adventures had crowded the old ones from his mind.

 "Who is Captain Hook?" he asked with interest when she spoke of the arch enemy.

 "Don't you remember," she asked, amazed, "how you killed him and saved all our lives?"

 "I forget them after I kill them," he replied carelessly.

 When she expressed a doubtful hope that Tinker Bell would be glad to see her he said, "Who is Tinker Bell?"

 "O Peter," she said, shocked; but even when she explained he could not remember.

 "There are such a lot of them," he said. "I expect she is no more."

 I expect he was right, for fairies don't live long, but they are so little that a short time seems a good while to them.

 Wendy was pained too to find that the past year was but as yesterday to Peter; it had seemed such a long year of waiting to her. But he was exactly as fascinating as ever, and they had a lovely spring cleaning in the little house on the tree tops.

 Next year he did not come for her. She waited in a new frock because the old one simply would not meet; but he never came.

 "Perhaps he is ill," Michael said.

 "You know he is never ill."

 Michael came close to her and whispered, with a shiver, "Perhaps there is no such person, Wendy!" and then Wendy would have cried if Michael had not been crying.

 Peter came next spring cleaning; and the strange thing was that he never knew he had missed a year.

 That was the last time the girl Wendy ever saw him. For a little longer she tried for his sake not to have growing pains; and she felt she was untrue to him when she got a prize for general knowledge. But the years came and went without bringing the careless boy; and when they met again Wendy was a married woman, and Peter was no more to her than a little dust in the box in which she had kept her toys. Wendy was grown up. You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than other girls.

 All the boys were grown up and done for by this time; so it is scarcely worth while saying anything more about them. You may see the twins and Nibs and Curly any day going to an office, each carrying a little bag and an umbrella. Michael is an engine- driver [train engineer]. Slightly married a lady of title, and so he became a lord. You see that judge in a wig coming out at the iron door? That used to be Tootles. The bearded man who doesn't know any story to tell his children was once John.

 Wendy was married in white with a pink sash. It is strange to think that Peter did not alight in the church and forbid the banns [formal announcement of a marriage].

 Years rolled on again, and Wendy had a daughter. This ought not to be written in ink but in a golden splash.

 She was called Jane, and always had an odd inquiring look, as if from the moment she arrived on the mainland she wanted to ask questions. When she was old enough to ask them they were mostly about Peter Pan. She loved to hear of Peter, and Wendy told her all she could remember in the very nursery from which the famous flight had taken place. It was Jane's nursery now, for her father had bought it at the three per cents [mortgage rate] from Wendy's father, who was no longer fond of stairs. Mrs. Darling was now dead and forgotten.

 There were only two beds in the nursery now, Jane's and her nurse's; and there was no kennel, for Nana also had passed away. She died of old age, and at the end she had been rather difficult to get on with; being very firmly convinced that no one knew how to look after children except herself.

 Once a week Jane's nurse had her evening off; and then it was Wendy's part to put Jane to bed. That was the time for stories. It was Jane's invention to raise the sheet over her mother's head and her own, this making a tent, and in the awful darkness to whisper:

 "What do we see now?"

 "I don't think I see anything to-night," says Wendy, with a feeling that if Nana were here she would object to further conversation.

 "Yes, you do," says Jan, "you see when you were a little girl."

 "That is a long time ago, sweetheart," says Wendy. "Ah me, how time flies!"

 "Does it fly," asks the artful child, "the way you flew when you were a little girl?"

 "The way I flew? Do you know, Jane, I sometimes wonder whether I ever did really fly."

 "Yes, you did."

 "The dear old days when I could fly!"

 "Why can't you fly now, mother?"

 "Because I am grown up, dearest. When people grow up they forget the way."

 "Why do they forget the way?"

 "Because they are no longer gay and innocent and heartless. It is only the gay and innocent and heartless who can fly."

 "What is gay and innocent and heartless? I do wish I were gay and innocent and heartless."

 Or perhaps Wendy admits she does see something.

 "I do believe," she says, "that it is this nursery."

 "I do believe it is," says Jane. "Go on."

 They are now embarked on the great adventure of the night when Peter flew in looking for his shadow.

 "The foolish fellow," says Wendy, "tried to stick it on with soap, and when he could not he cried, and that woke me, and I sewed it on for him."

 "You have missed a bit," interrupts Jane, who now knows the story better than her mother. "When you saw him sitting on the floor crying, what did you say?"

 "I sat up in bed and I said, `Boy, why are you crying?'"

 "Yes, that was it," says Jane, with a big breath.

 "And then he flew us all away to the Neverland and the fairies and the pirates and the redskins and the mermaid's lagoon, and the home under the ground, and the little house."

 "Yes! which did you like best of all?"

 "I think I liked the home under the ground best of all."

 "Yes, so do I. What was the last thing Peter ever said to you?"

 "The last thing he ever said to me was, `Just always be waiting for me, and then some night you will hear me crowing.'"

 "Yes,"

 "But, alas, he forgot all about me," Wendy said it with a smile. She was as grown up as that.

 "What did his crow sound like?" Jane asked one evening.

 "It was like this," Wendy said, trying to imitate Peter's crow.

 "No, it wasn't," Jane said gravely, "it was like this"; and she did it ever so much better than her mother.

 Wendy was a little startled. "My darling, how can you know?"

 "I often hear it when I am sleeping," Jane said.

 "Ah yes, many girls hear it when they are sleeping, but I was the only one who heard it awake."

 "Lucky you," said Jane.

 And then one night came the tragedy. It was the spring of the year, and the story had been told for the night, and Jane was now asleep in her bed. Wendy was sitting on the floor, very close to the fire, so as to see to darn, for there was no other light in the nursery; and while she sat darning she heard a crow. Then the window blew open as of old, and Peter dropped in on the floor.

 He was exactly the same as ever, and Wendy saw at once that he still had all his first teeth.

 He was a little boy, and she was grown up. She huddled by the fire not daring to move, helpless and guilty, a big woman.

 "Hullo, Wendy," he said, not noticing any difference, for he was thinking chiefly of himself; and in the dim light her white dress might have been the nightgown in which he had seen her first.

 "Hullo, Peter," she replied faintly, squeezing herself as small as possible. Something inside her was crying Woman, Woman, let go of me."

 "Hullo, where is John?" he asked, suddenly missing the third bed.

 "John is not here now," she gasped.

 "Is Michael asleep?" he asked, with a careless glance at Jane.

 "Yes," she answered; and now she felt that she was untrue to Jane as well as to Peter.

 "That is not Michael," she said quickly, lest a judgment should fall on her.

 Peter looked. "Hullo, is it a new one?"

 "Yes."

 "Boy or girl?"

 "Girl."

 Now surely he would understand; but not a bit of it.

 "Peter," she said, faltering, "are you expecting me to fly away with you?"

 "Of course; that is why I have come." He added a little sternly, "Have you forgotten that this is spring cleaning time?"

 She knew it was useless to say that he had let many spring cleaning times pass.

 "I can't come," she said apologetically, "I have forgotten how to fly."

 "I'll soon teach you again."

 "O Peter, don't waste the fairy dust on me."

 She had risen; and now at last a fear assailed him. "What is it?" he cried, shrinking.

 "I will turn up the light," she said, "and then you can see for yourself."

 For almost the only time in his life that I know of, Peter was afraid. "Don't turn up the light," he cried.

 She let her hands play in the hair of the tragic boy. She was not a little girl heart-broken about him; she was a grown woman smiling at it all, but they were wet eyed smiles.

 Then she turned up the light, and Peter saw. He gave a cry of pain; and when the tall beautiful creature stooped to lift him in her arms he drew back sharply.

 "What is it?" he cried again.

 She had to tell him.

 "I am old, Peter. I am ever so much more than twenty. I grew up long ago."

 "You promised not to!"

 "I couldn't help it. I am a married woman, Peter."

 "No, you're not."

 "Yes, and the little girl in the bed is my baby."

 "No, she's not."

 But he supposed she was; and he took a step towards the sleeping child with his dagger upraised. Of course he did not strike. He sat down on the floor instead and sobbed; and Wendy did not know how to comfort him, though she could have done it so easily once. She was only a woman now, and she ran out of the room to try to think.

 Peter continued to cry, and soon his sobs woke Jane. She sat up in bed, and was interested at once.

 "Boy," she said, "why are you crying?"

 Peter rose and bowed to her, and she bowed to him from the bed.

 "Hullo," he said.

 "Hullo," said Jane.

 "My name is Peter Pan," he told her.

 "Yes, I know."

 "I came back for my mother," he explained, "to take her to the Neverland."

 "Yes, I know," Jane said, "I have been waiting for you."

 When Wendy returned diffidently she found Peter sitting on the bed-post crowing gloriously, while Jane in her nighty was flying round the room in solemn ecstasy.

 "She is my mother," Peter explained; and Jane descended and stood by his side, with the look in her face that he liked to see on ladies when they gazed at him.

 "He does so need a mother," Jane said.

 "Yes, I know." Wendy admitted rather forlornly; "no one knows it so well as I."

 "Good-bye," said Peter to Wendy; and he rose in the air, and the shameless Jane rose with him; it was already her easiest way of moving about.

 Wendy rushed to the window.

 "No, no," she cried.

 "It is just for spring cleaning time," Jane said, "he wants me always to do his spring cleaning."

 "If only I could go with you," Wendy sighed.

 "You see you can't fly," said Jane.

 Of course in the end Wendy let them fly away together. Our last glimpse of her shows her at the window, watching them receding into the sky until they were as small as stars.

 As you look at Wendy, you may see her hair becoming white, and her figure little again, for all this happened long ago. Jane is now a common grown-up, with a daughter called Margaret; and every spring cleaning time, except when he forgets, Peter comes for Margaret and takes her to the Neverland, where she tells him stories about himself, to which he listens eagerly. When Margaret grows up she will have a daughter, who is to be Peter's mother in turn; and thus it will go on, so long as children are gay and innocent and heartless.

[flyingshapes-blog]

Excerpt from Peter Pan (James Barrie 1911)

17: When Wendy Grew Up I hope you want to know what became of the other boys. They were waiting below to give Wendy time to explain about them; and when they had counted five hundred they went up. They went up by the stair, because they thought this would make a better impression. They stood in a row in front of Mrs. Darling, with their hats off, and wishing they were not wearing their pirate clothes. They said nothing, but their eyes asked her to have them. They ought to have looked at Mr. Darling also, but they forgot about him.

Of course Mrs. Darling said at once that she would have them; but Mr. Darling was curiously depressed, and they saw that he considered six a rather large number.

"I must say," he said to Wendy, "that you don't do things by halves," a grudging remark which the twins thought was pointed at them.

The first twin was the proud one, and he asked, flushing, "Do you think we should be too much of a handful, sir? Because, if so, we can go away."

"Father!" Wendy cried, shocked; but still the cloud was on him. He knew he was behaving unworthily, but he could not help it.

"We could lie doubled up," said Nibs.

"I always cut their hair myself," said Wendy.

"George!" Mrs. Darling exclaimed, pained to see her dear one showing himself in such an unfavourable light.

Then he burst into tears, and the truth came out. He was as glad to have them as she was, he said, but he thought they should have asked his consent as well as hers, instead of treating him as a cypher [zero] in his own house.

"I don't think he is a cypher," Tootles cried instantly. "Do you think he is a cypher, Curly?"

"No, I don't. Do you think he is a cypher, Slightly?"

"Rather not. Twin, what do you think?"

It turned out that not one of them thought him a cypher; and he was absurdly gratified, and said he would find space for them all in the drawing-room if they fitted in.

"We'll fit in, sir," they assured him.

"Then follow the leader," he cried gaily. "Mind you, I am not sure that we have a drawing-room, but we pretend we have, and it's all the same. Hoop la!"

He went off dancing through the house, and they all cried "Hoop la!" and danced after him, searching for the drawing-room; and I forget whether they found it, but at any rate they found corners, and they all fitted in.

As for Peter, he saw Wendy once again before he flew away. He did not exactly come to the window, but he brushed against it in passing so that she could open it if she liked and call to him. That is what she did.

"Hullo, Wendy, good-bye," he said.

"Oh dear, are you going away?"

"Yes."

"You don't feel, Peter," she said falteringly, "that you would like to say anything to my parents about a very sweet subject?"

"No."

"About me, Peter?"

"No."

Mrs. Darling came to the window, for at present she was keeping a sharp eye on Wendy. She told Peter that she had adopted all the other boys, and would like to adopt him also.

"Would you send me to school?" he inquired craftily.

"Yes."

"And then to an office?"

"I suppose so."

"Soon I would be a man?"

"Very soon."

"I don't want to go to school and learn solemn things," he told her passionately. "I don't want to be a man. O Wendy's mother, if I was to wake up and feel there was a beard!"

"Peter," said Wendy the comforter, "I should love you in a beard;" and Mrs. Darling stretched out her arms to him, but he repulsed her.

"Keep back, lady, no one is going to catch me and make me a man."

"But where are you going to live?"

"With Tink in the house we built for Wendy. The fairies are to put it high up among the tree tops where they sleep at nights."

"How lovely," cried Wendy so longingly that Mrs. Darling tightened her grip.

"I thought all the fairies were dead," Mrs. Darling said.

"There are always a lot of young ones," explained Wendy, who was now quite an authority, "because you see when a new baby laughs for the first time a new fairy is born, and as there are always new babies there are always new fairies. They live in nests on the tops of trees; and the mauve ones are boys and the white ones are girls, and the blue ones are just little sillies who are not sure what they are."

"I shall have such fun," said Peter, with eye on Wendy.

"It will be rather lonely in the evening," she said, "sitting by the fire."

"I shall have Tink."

"Tink can't go a twentieth part of the way round," she reminded him a little tartly.

"Sneaky tell-tale!" Tink called out from somewhere round the corner.

"It doesn't matter," Peter said.

"O Peter, you know it matters."

"Well, then, come with me to the little house."

"May I, mummy?"

"Certainly not. I have got you home again, and I mean to keep you."

"But he does so need a mother."

"So do you, my love."

"Oh, all right," Peter said, as if he had asked her from politeness merely; but Mrs. Darling saw his mouth twitch, and she made this handsome offer: to let Wendy go to him for a week every year to do his spring cleaning. Wendy would have preferred a more permanent arrangement; and it seemed to her that spring would be long in coming; but this promise sent Peter away quite gay again. He had no sense of time, and was so full of adventures that all I have told you about him is only a halfpenny-worth of them. I suppose it was because Wendy knew this that her last words to him were these rather plaintive ones:

"You won't forget me, Peter, will you, before spring cleaning time comes?"

Of course Peter promised; and then he flew away. He took Mrs. Darling's kiss with him. The kiss that had been for no one else, Peter took quite easily. Funny. But she seemed satisfied.

Of course all the boys went to school; and most of them got into Class III, but Slightly was put first into Class IV and then into Class V. Class I is the top class. Before they had attended school a week they saw what goats they had been not to remain on the island; but it was too late now, and soon they settled down to being as ordinary as you or me or Jenkins minor [the younger Jenkins]. It is sad to have to say that the power to fly gradually left them. At first Nana tied their feet to the bed-posts so that they should not fly away in the night; and one of their diversions by day was to pretend to fall off buses [the English double-deckers]; but by and by they ceased to tug at their bonds in bed, and found that they hurt themselves when they let go of the bus. In time they could not even fly after their hats. Want of practice, they called it; but what it really meant was that they no longer believed.

Michael believed longer than the other boys, though they jeered at him; so he was with Wendy when Peter came for her at the end of the first year. She flew away with Peter in the frock she had woven from leaves and berries in the Neverland, and her one fear was that he might notice how short it had become; but he never noticed, he had so much to say about himself.

She had looked forward to thrilling talks with him about old times, but new adventures had crowded the old ones from his mind.

"Who is Captain Hook?" he asked with interest when she spoke of the arch enemy.

"Don't you remember," she asked, amazed, "how you killed him and saved all our lives?"

"I forget them after I kill them," he replied carelessly.

When she expressed a doubtful hope that Tinker Bell would be glad to see her he said, "Who is Tinker Bell?"

"O Peter," she said, shocked; but even when she explained he could not remember.

"There are such a lot of them," he said. "I expect she is no more."

I expect he was right, for fairies don't live long, but they are so little that a short time seems a good while to them.

Wendy was pained too to find that the past year was but as yesterday to Peter; it had seemed such a long year of waiting to her. But he was exactly as fascinating as ever, and they had a lovely spring cleaning in the little house on the tree tops.

Next year he did not come for her. She waited in a new frock because the old one simply would not meet; but he never came.

"Perhaps he is ill," Michael said.

"You know he is never ill."

Michael came close to her and whispered, with a shiver, "Perhaps there is no such person, Wendy!" and then Wendy would have cried if Michael had not been crying.

Peter came next spring cleaning; and the strange thing was that he never knew he had missed a year.

That was the last time the girl Wendy ever saw him. For a little longer she tried for his sake not to have growing pains; and she felt she was untrue to him when she got a prize for general knowledge. But the years came and went without bringing the careless boy; and when they met again Wendy was a married woman, and Peter was no more to her than a little dust in the box in which she had kept her toys. Wendy was grown up. You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than other girls.

All the boys were grown up and done for by this time; so it is scarcely worth while saying anything more about them. You may see the twins and Nibs and Curly any day going to an office, each carrying a little bag and an umbrella. Michael is an engine-driver [train engineer]. Slightly married a lady of title, and so he became a lord. You see that judge in a wig coming out at the iron door? That used to be Tootles. The bearded man who doesn't know any story to tell his children was once John.

Wendy was married in white with a pink sash. It is strange to think that Peter did not alight in the church and forbid the banns [formal announcement of a marriage].

Years rolled on again, and Wendy had a daughter. This ought not to be written in ink but in a golden splash.

She was called Jane, and always had an odd inquiring look, as if from the moment she arrived on the mainland she wanted to ask questions. When she was old enough to ask them they were mostly about Peter Pan. She loved to hear of Peter, and Wendy told her all she could remember in the very nursery from which the famous flight had taken place. It was Jane's nursery now, for her father had bought it at the three per cents [mortgage rate] from Wendy's father, who was no longer fond of stairs. Mrs. Darling was now dead and forgotten.

There were only two beds in the nursery now, Jane's and her nurse's; and there was no kennel, for Nana also had passed away. She died of old age, and at the end she had been rather difficult to get on with; being very firmly convinced that no one knew how to look after children except herself.

Once a week Jane's nurse had her evening off; and then it was Wendy's part to put Jane to bed. That was the time for stories. It was Jane's invention to raise the sheet over her mother's head and her own, this making a tent, and in the awful darkness to whisper:

"What do we see now?"

"I don't think I see anything to-night," says Wendy, with a feeling that if Nana were here she would object to further conversation.

"Yes, you do," says Jane, "you see when you were a little girl."

"That is a long time ago, sweetheart," says Wendy. "Ah me, how time flies!"

"Does it fly," asks the artful child, "the way you flew when you were a little girl?"

"The way I flew? Do you know, Jane, I sometimes wonder whether I ever did really fly."

"Yes, you did."

"The dear old days when I could fly!"

"Why can't you fly now, mother?"

"Because I am grown up, dearest. When people grow up they forget the way."

"Why do they forget the way?"

"Because they are no longer gay and innocent and heartless. It is only the gay and innocent and heartless who can fly."

"What is gay and innocent and heartless? I do wish I were gay and innocent and heartless."

Or perhaps Wendy admits she does see something.

"I do believe," she says, "that it is this nursery."

"I do believe it is," says Jane. "Go on."

They are now embarked on the great adventure of the night when Peter flew in looking for his shadow.

"The foolish fellow," says Wendy, "tried to stick it on with soap, and when he could not he cried, and that woke me, and I sewed it on for him."

"You have missed a bit," interrupts Jane, who now knows the story better than her mother. "When you saw him sitting on the floor crying, what did you say?"

"I sat up in bed and I said, 'Boy, why are you crying?'"

"Yes, that was it," says Jane, with a big breath.

"And then he flew us all away to the Neverland and the fairies and the pirates and the redskins and the mermaid's lagoon, and the home under the ground, and the little house."

"Yes! which did you like best of all?"

"I think I liked the home under the ground best of all."

"Yes, so do I. What was the last thing Peter ever said to you?"

"The last thing he ever said to me was, 'Just always be waiting for me, and then some night you will hear me crowing.'"

"Yes."

"But, alas, he forgot all about me," Wendy said it with a smile. She was as grown up as that.

"What did his crow sound like?" Jane asked one evening.

"It was like this," Wendy said, trying to imitate Peter's crow.

"No, it wasn't," Jane said gravely, "it was like this;" and she did it ever so much better than her mother.

Wendy was a little startled. "My darling, how can you know?"

"I often hear it when I am sleeping," Jane said.

"Ah yes, many girls hear it when they are sleeping, but I was the only one who heard it awake."

"Lucky you," said Jane.

And then one night came the tragedy. It was the spring of the year, and the story had been told for the night, and Jane was now asleep in her bed. Wendy was sitting on the floor, very close to the fire, so as to see to darn, for there was no other light in the nursery; and while she sat darning she heard a crow. Then the window blew open as of old, and Peter dropped in on the floor.

He was exactly the same as ever, and Wendy saw at once that he still had all his first teeth.

He was a little boy, and she was grown up. She huddled by the fire not daring to move, helpless and guilty, a big woman.

"Hullo, Wendy," he said, not noticing any difference, for he was thinking chiefly of himself; and in the dim light her white dress might have been the nightgown in which he had seen her first.

"Hullo, Peter," she replied faintly, squeezing herself as small as possible. Something inside her was crying "Woman, Woman, let go of me."

"Hullo, where is John?" he asked, suddenly missing the third bed.

"John is not here now," she gasped.

"Is Michael asleep?" he asked, with a careless glance at Jane.

"Yes," she answered; and now she felt that she was untrue to Jane as well as to Peter.

"That is not Michael," she said quickly, lest a judgment should fall on her.

Peter looked. "Hullo, is it a new one?"

"Yes."

"Boy or girl?"

"Girl."

Now surely he would understand; but not a bit of it.

"Peter," she said, faltering, "are you expecting me to fly away with you?"

"Of course; that is why I have come." He added a little sternly, "Have you forgotten that this is spring cleaning time?"

She knew it was useless to say that he had let many spring cleaning times pass.

"I can't come," she said apologetically, "I have forgotten how to fly."

"I'll soon teach you again."

"O Peter, don't waste the fairy dust on me."

She had risen; and now at last a fear assailed him. "What is it?" he cried, shrinking.

"I will turn up the light," she said, "and then you can see for yourself."

For almost the only time in his life that I know of, Peter was afraid. "Don't turn up the light," he cried.

She let her hands play in the hair of the tragic boy. She was not a little girl heart-broken about him; she was a grown woman smiling at it all, but they were wet eyed smiles.

Then she turned up the light, and Peter saw. He gave a cry of pain; and when the tall beautiful creature stooped to lift him in her arms he drew back sharply.

"What is it?" he cried again.

She had to tell him.

"I am old, Peter. I am ever so much more than twenty. I grew up long ago."

"You promised not to!"

"I couldn't help it. I am a married woman, Peter."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, and the little girl in the bed is my baby."

"No, she's not."

But he supposed she was; and he took a step towards the sleeping child with his dagger upraised. Of course he did not strike. He sat down on the floor instead and sobbed; and Wendy did not know how to comfort him, though she could have done it so easily once. She was only a woman now, and she ran out of the room to try to think.

Peter continued to cry, and soon his sobs woke Jane. She sat up in bed, and was interested at once.

"Boy," she said, "why are you crying?"

Peter rose and bowed to her, and she bowed to him from the bed.

"Hullo," he said.

"Hullo," said Jane.

"My name is Peter Pan," he told her.

"Yes, I know."

"I came back for my mother," he explained, "to take her to the Neverland."

"Yes, I know," Jane said, "I have been waiting for you."

When Wendy returned diffidently she found Peter sitting on the bed-post crowing gloriously, while Jane in her nighty was flying round the room in solemn ecstasy.

"She is my mother," Peter explained; and Jane descended and stood by his side, with the look in her face that he liked to see on ladies when they gazed at him.

"He does so need a mother," Jane said.

"Yes, I know." Wendy admitted rather forlornly; "no one knows it so well as I."

"Good-bye," said Peter to Wendy; and he rose in the air, and the shameless Jane rose with him; it was already her easiest way of moving about.

Wendy rushed to the window.

"No, no," she cried.

"It is just for spring cleaning time," Jane said, "he wants me always to do his spring cleaning."

"If only I could go with you," Wendy sighed.

"You see you can't fly," said Jane.

Of course in the end Wendy let them fly away together. Our last glimpse of her shows her at the window, watching them receding into the sky until they were as small as stars.

As you look at Wendy, you may see her hair becoming white, and her figure little again, for all this happened long ago. Jane is now a common grown-up, with a daughter called Margaret; and every spring cleaning time, except when he forgets, Peter comes for Margaret and takes her to the Neverland, where she tells him stories about himself, to which he listens eagerly. When Margaret grows up she will have a daughter, who is to be Peter's mother in turn; and thus it will go on, so long as children are gay and innocent and heartless.

THE END