#this thought only came about bc i made a playlist for my own world building purposes😭

[skullgirrl]

when did we as a society collectively decide that 60s/70s/80s (sometimes possibly 90s) music was the preferred musical genre of apocalypse media?

like all these people only listen to older songs after the collapse of society. why is that?☠️

imagine being stuck in the zombie apocalypse and having to fend for yourself with a cd copy of Britney Spears' Circus album. me, personally? I'd be vibing idc

[junewild]

tags masterpost

a couple of people have complimented me on my new tag system and a couple of people have asked me what tags go to what sort of content, so i thought i’d write up a little masterpost of what the tags mean, where they came from, and why they’re important to me! you’ll even get a sneak peek at a few tags that are very rare or have yet to be used 👀. this will be linked in my carrd when i get around to it. i’ve even tried to alphabetize them 😅 thanks for expressing interest, it’s very lovely of you all xoxo

#and i am close behind — home tag

a continuation of “the wild geese are heading home again” which is my nature tag. just for everything that makes me feel like i am coming home. 

#and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart — quotes and words tag

from a poem by e.e. cummings. “and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart / i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)”. words are just hearts speaking to each other, after all. 

#and i was like *screams* — space tag

from the jenny slate drunk history nasa episode, because she somehow manages to sum up fully 80% of my feelings about the universe in that one sentence

#angstposting — disordered thoughts tag

literally just stream-of-consciousness breakdown-posting. probably block this tag. i go back and clean it out after every breakdown.

#but they are all good stories — media analysis/literature critique tag

hilary mantel (whose work i have never read) wrote that “some of these things are true and some of them lies. but they are all good stories.” anyway, that’s how i feel about taking apart stories and narratives and looking at them from the outside. 

#can you not hear the ocean in me — mental health and disorders tag

the non-breakdown version. from this poem, which i can’t find anyone but i think is a deleted inkskinned or caitlyn siehl one: 

“i am alive; 

can you not hear the ocean in me; 

are you not aware of the war i am fighting ; 

i am alive ; 

you cannot take that from me”

#checkmate nihilism — crafts tag

higgsboshark wrote a lovely post about how knitting is a great treatment for existential dread & now that’s all i think about every time i’m crafting. checkmate, nihilism. look at this thing that i am making with my hands. it exists and it will change someone’s life. 

#dumbposting — misc tag

for tag games and dumb comments and things that don’t fit in anywhere else. 

#fashion is instant language — fashion/body art tag

okay. IS this a cliche prada quote? yes. but also, one of my first classes in college was about art & society & the first thing that we learned was that the human body is the first & most primal canvas. what you do with your body is a statement, a language you are sharing with the people around you. i get very emotional about it. 

#felt rather than seen — poetry tag

YES i am a BASIC WHITE GIRL, thank you. the first half of the da vinci quote. “poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen / “

#fill your arms with the pink and white flowers — spring aesthetic tag

from one of mary oliver’s slightly less well known poems. 

“do you also hurry, half-dressed and barefoot, into the garden, and softly

exclaiming of their dearness,

fill your arms with 

the pink and white flowers,

with their honeyed heaviness, their lush trembling, their eagerness

to be wild and perfect for a moment, before they are nothing

forever”

#get in good trouble — activism/politics tag

are you really living if you aren’t making trouble for someone? write more letters. leave more voicemails. go to protests. join a mutual aid group. donate. there’s something you can do, even if it’s small. 

#i am building a world that is worth living for — moral living tag

slightly different from the activism tag bc this is more about what you/i can do in everyday life to make the world a better place. these are my own words, reminding me that to stay alive i have to build my own life and live in it. 

#i care to look on the outside like i do on the inside — gender/ sexuality tag

maggie stiefvater is a poet. 

#i have a magpie mind — happy tag

laurie graham’s version of the quote goes “i have a magpie mind, by which i mean i see and hear little things - photos, fragments of conversation - and store them away for future use,” and that’s what this tag is. just a lot of lovely things that i want to look back on. 

#i think i was a selkie in a past life — ocean/beach/selkie myth tag

someday i’m going to walk into the ocean and never come out again. j promised he would take me to a warm ocean where i can stand in chest-deep waves until i can’t stand any longer and i’ve never looked forward to anything so much in my life. 

#i wrote my own deliverance — creation/writing tag

this is not an admission of guilt. hamilton has a lot of words in it and these happen to be very nice. 

#it would be a merrier world —  food tag

because tolkien was right. 

#laughter for no cause — humor tag

funny things. half of a quote by louise glück. 

#let the wilderness engulf us again — discourse tag

i believe this is by christa wolf. anyway this is how i feel when i read Discourse. let’s all just get swallowed by the wilderness. who needs civilization anyway. 

#loveposting — affection tag

look, i’m just really gay and happy and i love my followers and my mutuals. let’s move on

#nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it — memory/emotion tag

yes, i have read everything ever written by l m montgomery, why do you ask? 

#offspring of heaven firstborn — light tag

constantly debating about whether i should change this one. i just have too many quotes about light. and too many posts about light. and too much love for light. this one is by milton, from the third book of paradise lost, and i memorized the entire chapter as a teenager because my “history” “class” believed in memorization as a form of education. 

#our bodies are meant to hold other bodies — sex/eros tag

from that little comic by grendelmenz (?). i KNOW it’s about cannibalism i DON’T care don’t @ me to love is to consume

#seen rather than felt — painting/visual art tag

and here’s the other half of the da vinci quote. 

#she stood in desperate music wound — music and playlists tag

from “a crazed girl” by yeats. tbh i usually lie upside down in my bed in desperate music wound but this poem kept me going as a teenager

#simply because the world is beautiful — misc tag

i just think the world is lovely and i am glad to be alive in it. this is where the rest of the assorted content goes. 

#someday you will be old enough to read fairytales again — fantasy/gaming/scifi tag

cs lewis got one thing right. 

#stardust will turn into kindness — joy tag

okay. okay i am still weeping about this man and his chickens. this tag is for every small creature who brings me delight. https://everychickdeservesamother.com/2019/08/17/all-the-good-there-is/

#thank god for the months after may — summer aesthetic tag

i haven’t listened to ben rector since i was seventeen but this is a good quote anyway and summer flowers are the thing that keep me going through the winter. 

#the first sign of civilization is a healed femur — civilization/altruism/kindness tag

paraphrase of the famous (possibly apocryphal) margaret meade quote. i saw a criticism of it by the green brothers, who were like “but lots of people/animals show altruism without any connection to civilization (eg buildings and cities and record keeping systems)” and i deeply disagree with them. civilization doesn’t require monuments, only people coming together to build (metaphorically) something bigger than they could have done as individuals. humans aren’t the only ones on that path, just the ones who’ve gotten the furthest down it. 

#the great sweeping wind — autumn aesthetic

yes i am a shameless l m montgomery stan. anne of green gables is my kindred spirit. 

#the quick and the dead — fungi tag

from the bible. you know. we all sin, we’re all alive or dead or both. fungi don’t care.

#the race that knows joseph — kindred spirit tag

haven’t gotten to use this one yet. looking forward to when i do. 

#the wild geese are heading home again — nature tag

shortened version of mary oliver’s poem. 

#there is a history in all men’s lives — history/natural history/anthropology tag

shakespeare knew how to use words. everything is history and i am excited about ALL of it. when will someone admit me into a grad school???

#we are the children of an indifferent universe — community/fandom tag

but, like colin meloy says, we are also the inheritors of a wonderful world. i think it’s amazing how we look at the universe around us and build communities and find meaning out of sheer spite. also i have got to refine this tag set better i can’t just shove ALL fandom content into one tag. stay tuned

#we don’t love this world without reason — awe/joy tag

from catadromously’s comic. this is for things that make me go “oh.” when i see them. 

#we shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us — architecture/interior design tag

churchill can have one right. architecture is one of my favorite art forms & interior design is something i love looking at and doing. someday i’ll even be able to afford it.

#we will be better than we were — recovery tag

from (yet another) caitlyn siehl poem that reads: 

“love is quiet love whispers “it is okay, we will be better than we were” and we are. we are.”

and we are. 

#within me; an invincible summer — winter aesthetic tag

albert camus wrote that: “in the midst of winter, i found there was, within me, an invincible summer. and that makes me happy. for it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” winters are hard for me, but i hang on anyway. 

#you have no idea the joy that is coming — love tag

guess who this quote is by? if you guessed caitlyn siehl, you are correct. 

#you pull out the wild in me - feral aesthetic

not feral, just… wild. i don’t know. i don’t think i made this quote up but i can’t find it anywhere else so maybe i did. i’m guessing it’s now-deleted inkskinned or bonemeadows. 

#you’ve got to be kind — misc humans tag

kurt vonnegut. because yeah. we’ve got to be kind. that’s the only rule. we’re just humans and we have to be kind.

[lunatens]

ghost of you

pairing: ghost!han jisung x gender neutral reader

word count: 1.3k

genre: fluff, platonic, ghost!au

warnings: mentions of death (it is a ghost au after all)

a/n: I got the idea for this a sUPER long time ago lmao I got inspired by the song ghost of you by 5sos but then I wasn’t feeling angsty and emo and sad so I just made it cute and fluffy and that’s why it’s platonic bc I feel like romance would get super angsty idk aNYWAYS !! I hope this is good I might write more for this au  if people are interested? (also it was originally gonna be about hyunjin but then idk jisung fit better somehow lol)

~

“is that the last of it?” minho asks, dusting off his hands after he sets what seems like the millionth cardboard box on the floorboards of your new apartment. 

“i think so? thanks again for all the help minho, it would’ve taken me so long to do this all by myself.” you and minho have spent all day moving everything in, blaring tunes and taking (too many) snack breaks. it was fun, but it was a lot of work, and now you’re tasked with decorating the place. minho waves goodbye before heading out the door. you listen to him go down the three flights of stairs, get in his car and pull out of the tiny parking lot. you’re alone at last, and you take a moment to enjoy the blissful silence; no more annoying roommates to wake you up too early in the morning or steal your food or take too-long showers. minho and a few of your other friends have invited themselves over tomorrow night for dinner (you agreed only if they promised to provide all the food), so you’re determined to make your new place look all nice before they come--needless to say, you’ve got a pretty busy 24 hours coming up. you brush thei hair from your eyes, grab the exacto knife from the kitchen counter, and set to work opening box after box of your belongings.

***

several hours have passed; the kitchen and bathroom are both done, leaving just the common area and your room. there’s cardboard everywhere--you promise yourself you’ll clean it up tomorrow. besides your bed in the corner and the small bookshelf you’ve spent the last two hours building, your room is completely empty. you let out a heavy sigh, picking a new playlist on spotify before beginning the process of decorating your room. it’s not long before you’re standing tippy-toed as you lean awkwardly over your desk to flatten a poster of your favourite band on the wall.

“it’s crooked, just fyi,” a voice rings out from behind you. you scream in shock, tripping over your desk chair as you turn around to face the source of the voice. you land with a dull thud and a groan on your hardwood floor. a face appears above yours, eyebrows furrowed in concern. the face belongs to a boy who looks about the same age as you, although unlike you, he’s slightly translucent and gives off a pale blue glow.

“are you okay? wow, you’re pale--you look as though you’ve just seen a ghost! HAHA! that was pretty funny, right?” the boy says, giggling at his own joke. you sit up and stare wide eyed and sheet-faced at him. as you process what he said, connecting it to his appearance, you open your mouth to let out another shriek. the boy glides over to you, worry washed over his face.

“no no no!! please don’t be scared! well, actually i guess that’s a lot to ask. don’t scream though, it’s really loud and hurts my ears and might concern the neighbours,” he asks, sitting cross legged in front of you on the floor. you shut your mouth, dumbfounded. 

“okay, let’s take this slow, alright? i’m jisung, you’re y/n from what i heard earlier, right?” the ghost asks. he speaks softly and slowly, clearly trying to avoid setting you off again. you nod silently.

“cool! so i uh, imagine this is a bit of a shock to you, but basically, yes, i’m a ghost. oooh, spooky,” jisung says, waving his hands for effect. he giggles at himself. 

“a ...ghost..” you repeat, trying to make sense of this situation. jisung nods enthusiastically.

“see? you’ve got it! honestly that was easier than i thought it would be. anyways, i came here to tell you i’ve been watching you decorate your apartment for the past couple hours, and you have a terrible sense of interior design. like, really bad.”

“so--wait, hold up. you’re telling me first of all, ghosts are real, and second of all, there's one right in front of me who’s here to judge my interior design abilities?” you ask in disbelief. 

“well, lack thereof--i wouldn’t say you have any abilities. but yes, that’s all true,” jisung says.

“okay,”

“okay?”

“okay.” you take in a deep breath; time to reassess your entire life. 

“...can i touch you?” you ask after a long pause. jisung just smiles shyly and holds his arm out.

“go for it,” he says, and you gasp as your fingers pass right through him. the air feels a little cold where his arm is supposed to be, but otherwise there’s nothing.

“woah.”

“i know, this is probably pretty freaky for you. but get used to it, because i’m not going anywhere any time soon! i’ve decided you’re my new bff, sorry you don’t get a say in this. now let's finish setting things up, and i can help you make things look less terrible,” jisung says with a grin and a wink, and you glare at him in response.

***

it’s deep in the late hours of the night, or rather early in the morning, when you finally finish as much as you’re going to do tonight. there’s still a couple boxes of miscellaneous objects and such, but you shove them in your closet with the promise to deal with them another time. as you cleaned and decorated, you learned a lot about jisung, who trailed along after you rambling on about his life story with the occasional interruption of “maybe move that to the right just a tad” or “don’t you think this would look better on that shelf over there?”

you learn jisung is, in fact, the same age as you--or at least he was when he died. he and his family were killed in a car accident a couple years back, and he finds it more entertaining to lurk around the mortal world rather than mope around with other ghosts all the time. he mostly haunts his old house, although it’s been abandoned the last couple years, so he spends most of his time lounging around inside walls and clanging on pipes and spooking the occasional stray cat that decides to venture into the small home in search of food. today, however, he was so rudely awoken by the various sounds of you and minho carrying all your stuff up to your third-floor apartment in the building next door. he decided to take a peek (all the other residents of the building are “boring old people” in his terms) and thought you seemed interesting, so he stuck around. which brings you to where you are currently; you sprawled out on your bed, eyes closed in exhaustion, with jisung perched on the top of your desk chair asking you questions about your life.

“are you gonna get any pets?”

“minho is bringing over my pet toad tomorrow, he’s been babysitting her while i move.”

“okay that’s good, cats and dogs don’t seem to like me too much, but toads are fine. who’s minho?”

“the boy who helped me move in today,”

“oooh, is he your boyfriend?”

“what? no, no definitely not.”

“you’re blushing.”

“no i’m not! it’s just hot in here. can you open the window?”

“...i’m a ghost.”

“right. we’re just friends by the way, me and minho.”

“mhm….okay, whatever you say. but don’t think i didn’t see you checking him out when he picked up those boxes!”

“jisung?”

“yeah?”

“shut up.”

jisung opens his mouth as if to reply, but shuts it after thinking for a moment. the room is filled with a comfortable silence, and you find yourself giving in to the heavy blanket of sleep beginning to wash over you. it’s not long before you’re snoring lightly, passed out on top of your bed still in your clothes from the day. jisung chuckles to himself, wondering how he ended up with someone so dorky as a neighbour as he glides out through your window and through the night air back to his dark and empty house.

[disasterdeacy]

Angel Eyes: Joe Mazzello x Reader

Requested By: @sean-macguire

Request: “just fluff with roger or joe, idm who”

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting doll! I hope you like it, I’m sorry if it isn’t what you wanted, but it kind of took on a life of its own lol. I made the setting Alabama, mainly because that’s where I’m from, and also bc Joe’s good ole boy Eugene Sledge accent makes my heart tingle so I needed an excuse to include this lol. Requests are open, so feel free to send them my way! Character: Joe Mazzello x Reader Word Count: 4,046 (I got carried away wow) Warnings: Fluff, mentions of anxiety, panic attacks Summary: When your parents insist on meeting your new boyfriend Joe, you’re more than excited. You love your family and their opinion of your significant other means the world to you, you know they’re going to love him no matter what, but Joe is absolutely paralyzed with fear. After you touchdown, you two are immediately on your way to your childhood home, Joe has been silent the whole flight, and his insecurities begin to show. Always the empathetic girlfriend, you pull off the interstate and reassure the love of your life.

  When (Y/N)’s parents called her a few weeks ago, requesting she bring her boyfriend of 6 months home with her for the 4th, you were overjoyed. Joe was the only person in her life she you loved more than her family, and for all of the most important people in her life to be in one place made her heart so happy. The only thing that could make it even better is if Gwil, Lucy, Rami, and Ben could’ve been there as well. (Y/N)  decided to tell Joe about the invitation as soon as he arrived home that night from set, knowing that they both would need to go ahead and make travel arrangements to travel from NY to Alabama. So, as soon as Joe walked through the door that night, (Y/N) was immediately at his side, arms around his waist. Joe chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to your temple as he swayed the two of them in place. “Wow wow wow, this is the most affection you’ve ever shown me Ms. (Y/N), did you run over my cat?” Joe laughed as she pressed an affectionate kiss to his neck. (Y/N) scoffed and pulled away from his embrace, swatting him on his shoulder. “Joseph Francis! You better shut your mouth, you know damn well that I am the most affectionate human being alive.” Joe laughed and danced away from (Y/N)’s playful swat, grabbing her around the waist once again as she pouted. “I know babe, I know, and I have no idea what I did to deserve someone like you.” (Y/N) had thought the same thing, from the moment she and Joe had went on their first date, to now, she was extremely confused as to how she had managed to find someone as wonderful and kind as Joe. He was the kind of man that her parents had always hoped she’d bring home one day, which was why she was so excited to tell him about the phone call. (Y/N) smiled and placed a kiss on Joe’s nose before pulling away from his embrace, he frowned at the loss of contact, and proceeded to follow her to the kitchen like a lost puppy as she went to prepare dinner. “Well, we’ll see how you feel about me when I tell you about the phone call I got today.” she said as she rounded the corner of the kitchen island. Joe raised an eyebrow at her statement, situating himself onto a stool across the island for her. “Oh really now? What could you have possibly done my darlin?” (Y/N) chuckled at Joe’s attempt at copying her slight accent, and pulled 4 cloves of garlic from the windowsill to begin mincing. “So, my mom called today,” she didn’t get a chance to finish that statement before Joe’s face went white as a sheet. The sudden change in pallor of her boyfriend’s face concerned (Y/N), so she halted her mincing and continued her statement. “and you know my family has a big 4th celebration. My mom and dad want you to come, they want to meet you. If you’re okay with it of course.” (Y/N) didn’t want to rush him into anything, but they had been dating for a little over 6 months, and she’d met his entire family after only dating for a month and a half. The silence that filled the room afterwards didn’t last too long, as Joe cleared his throat and his face turned beet red. “I would love to meet your parents (Y/N).” Joe reached over the island with a shaky hand and pulled the hand that wasn’t covered in garlic mush towards him. He was extremely red, and looked to be on the verge of tears. (Y/N) placed the knife down before wiping her hands on a hand towel, and walking around the island to stand at Joe’s side. “Babe, if you don’t want to go it’s okay. I don’t want to rush you into something.” she leaned against the island and took Joe’s shaking hands into her own. Joe sighed and looked up at her, “No darling, I want to, I want to meet them more than you know..” “But?” “But what if they hate me, and what if your dad thinks I’m not good enough for you, and what if your brother thinks.” (Y/N) cut him off by delicately pressing your lips to his own, moving her hand from his hands to the hair at the nape of his neck, gently caressing the area which she knew would immediately calm him down. Throughout the 6 months that the two had been together, (Y/N) had come to realize that Joe had a slight anxiety problem, which was completely understandable, as she had one herself. While she knew that Joe’s anxieties were usually easily remedied by talking them out with her, (Y/N) had never been the cause of his anxiety, and she didn’t particularly like the feeling. (Y/N) pulled her lips from his and pulled his face towards her neck, his favorite place to relax after a stressful day, he really was the softest boyfriend anyone could ever hope to have “Joe, I can promise you, with everything that I have, my entire family will love you. I promise. They’ve never wanted to meet any of my other boyfriends before, and all my mom wants to talk about is you when we’re on the phone.” Joe sighed into her neck, placing a soft kiss there as she  ran her fingers through his hair. “I know. I just know how much your family means to you, and I really don’t want to mess this up. I love you too much to let you go.” (Y/N) leaned into Joe and placed a kiss to the top of his head. “You don’t have to worry about it bub, they’re going to see how much you love me, and how much I love you, and that’s all they’re going to care about. Plus, my little cousins are very excited to meet you.” (Y/N) felt Joe chuckle against her neck before looking up at her.

“Jurassic Park” they both answered before dissolving in a fit of laughter. (Y/N) ruffled Joe’s hair before unraveling herself from him to continue cooking. Joe was suspiciously silent as (Y/N) continued mincing the remaining 3 cloves of garlic, before he rose from his spot across from her, rounding the island to wrap his arms around her waist, resting his head in the crook of her neck and shoulder. “Thank you (Y/N). You have no idea how much I appreciate you.” (Y/N) turned her head, placing a small kiss to his nose for the second time that night. “I do know, and I love you, but I would love and appreciate you even more if you would slice the carrots and potatoes.” Joe laughed and popped (Y/N) on the ass before heading to the refrigerator to get the vegetables his girlfriend had requested. ‘Maybe it won’t be that bad’ he thought, after all, he felt like he knew (Y/N)’s family well enough from the way she would talk about them. Joe nodded his head as he picked up the carrots from the crisper, ‘I’ll be fine.’

 2 Week Later (Y/N) and Joe had successfully made their way to their rental car after departing the arrivals terminal, which was far more crowded than (Y/N) had ever seen it. The two had managed to have a very good flight, despite departing JFK at 6am, thankfully (Y/N)’s family only lived a short hour from Birmingham, allowing them an easy drive home. Her mom had offered to come and pick the two up at the airport, but (Y/N) had refused, not wanting Joe to feel awkward cooped up in a small car with only her and her mother for an hour. She preferred for Joe to meet the whole family at one time to prevent repeated introductions. As they placed their bags into the small Camry, (Y/N) took the keys from Joe’s hands before kissing his forehead. “I’ll drove babe, I think I know the way pretty dang well.” Joe laughed, of course, this is where his girlfriend had been raised, of course she should drive. The first 30 minutes of the drive passed with relative ease, the two were engaging in the usual easy conversation they normally had, (Y/N)’s ABBA playlist blasting from the stereo as she pointed out small landmarks along the highway. However, after another 15 miles, signs began appearing referencing (Y/N)’s hometown. 20 miles, 15 miles, 10 miles, as they passed the 5 mile sign, Joe’s stomach began to drop. Even though (Y/N)’s pep talk 2 weeks earlier, Joe couldn’t seem to shake the insecurities which resided in the deepest recesses of his mind. He knew that (Y/N) loved him, and would love him no matter what, but he also knew that she loved her family as aggressively. If he didn’t impress her family, she would break up with him, he was sure of it, and if there was anything in this world that he wanted any less, it would be for (Y/N) to end their relationship. Though the two had only been together for 6 months, Joe had never felt as strongly for anyone as he did for (Y/N). The sheer thought of her leaving made Joe’s heart constrict, and he felt his stomach drop. The tell tell signs of a panic attack. He could feel the tears starting to build in his eyes, and the grip he had on his hands tightened to a near dangerous level, he knew he would be bleeding if he wasn’t careful. Meanwhile, (Y/N)’s favorite ABBA song, Angel Eyes, came up on her playlist. Her own eyes lit up underneath her sunglasses, before she turned her head to Joe to get him to join her in a duet. However, the sight that she was met with was one which she didn’t expect, one that made her stomach sink. Her sweet boyfriend was sat straight up in the passenger seat, hands balled in fists, breathing heavily as tears ran from his sweet hazel eyes. (Y/N) had been dreading this, she’d known that the talk the two had had in their kitchen 2 weeks previous had calmed Joe down, but she had a small inkling that he wasn’t completely at ease. She hadn’t been either when she’d met Joe’s family, but he had done the same thing for her, reassuring her that his family was going to fall as deeply in love with her as he had. This had worked, though she still felt nervous upon meeting the Mazzello clan. However, as she looked over at her usually funny, loud, and fun loving boyfriend, she knew that this was completely different from nerves. He was having a panic attack. Seeing a gas station ahead, (Y/N) stepped on the gas a little harder than usual, desperate to comfort Joe as soon as possible. Once she reached the Texaco station, she pulled off to the side, unbuckled her seatbelt, and rushed to Joe’s side of the car. Joe hadn’t even noticed that the car had stopped until he felt his car door open, and two hands grasp his own. The sudden movement jarred Joe from his own mind, forcing his eyes to the source of the interruption. He looked to his right, and saw (Y/N) kneeling at the side of the car, knees on the probably boiling asphalt, a desperate look in her eyes. “Joe? Joe, bub, listen to me, you’re okay, I’m here, you’re okay.” (Y/N) was staring intently into his tear filled eyes, trying to get his attention away from whatever was inside his head, to her voice. At the sound of his girlfriend’s voice, Joe seemed to snap out of it, unbaling his hands, wincing at the sharp pain his nails had caused. (Y/N) sighed out of relief, but it was short lived as Joe’s eyes finally overflowed with the previously unshed tears. His chest began heaving, and he looked at (Y/N) desperate for some kind of relief. She sprung into action immediately, unbuckling her boyfriend’s seatbelt and yanking him out of the car into the overbearing July heat, before pulling him flush to her body. Her hand went straight into his hair, gently tugging on the roots to try and ground him, it had always worked for her when she had panic attacks, so she figured she might as well give it a go. Joe continued sobbing, whispering incoherently into (Y/N)’s ear, his sobs wracking his body so bad that she couldn’t understand a word he said. She began whispering to him as well, gentle words of affirmation, just trying to calm him down enough so she could get him to talk to her. The two stood like this for a good 15 minutes, Joe sobbing into (Y/N)’s shoulder, but eventually his sobs began to subside enough for him to speak. (Y/N) felt Joe raise his head from her shoulder, and she untangled her hands from his hair, moving them down to grasp his cheeks, but not before wiping the evidence of her own tears from her face. “Joe, honey, please talk to me, what’s wrong?” Joe began to tear up again, which prompted (Y/N) to pull his head towards her so she could place a comforting kiss on his head. “It’s okay love, just talk to me. Please.” Her voice cracked as she looked into Joe’s eyes. Hearing his girlfriend’s voice crack seemed to stir something inside Joe, seemed to ground him. He quickly wiped his eyes, and sighed, hugging (Y/N) as tightly as he could. “I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry (Y/N), I…” Joe attempted to apologize, but (Y/N) stopped him. “Joe, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for, you had a panic attack because you are meeting MY parents, if anything I should be the one apologizing to YOU.” This caused Joe to now grasp (Y/N)’s hands, and stare her deep in the eyes. “No, (Y/N) don’t. This is me. This is all me. I, I just love you so fucking much, and I was just thinking out of my ass, and got scared, and then I scared you, and the last thing I want to ever do is scare or hurt you.” Joe’s voice was shockingly calm as he relayed this to you. “What were you thinking of Joe? What could’ve possibly made you so scared that you had a panic attack. It’s just my family, I’ve already told you that you have nothing to worry about. They’re going to love you because I love you.” (Y/N) was now desperate, wanting nothing more that to make Joe feel better. Joe sighed, running his hands over his face, and then through his hair. “That’s the thing (Y/N) its not “just” your family, you love your family more than anything on this planet. I hear how you talk about them, the way your mom raised you to be independent, the way your dad was the one you always turned to when you needed advice, the way your brother would absolutely decimate any boy who ever hurt you, you love every single person in your family so much, and I just don’t see how I could ever measure up to that.” (Y/N) opened her mouth to reply, but Joe continued on. “I’m 35, I’m an actor, I’m too short, I’m not attractive enough, I don’t have any special qualities, I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you, and your family is going to see that, and they’re going to tell you, and then you’re going to leave me, and I don’t know what I would do. I love you, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone on this planet. I have no idea how I have managed to live this long without you in my life, but I know for certain that I couldn’t go back to living my life normally if you ever left me, especially if it was because I just wasn’t good enough for you.” By the time Joe finished, (Y/N) had tears running down her face, her heart breaking as the man whom she loved more than life itself spilled his deepest thoughts to her. She had no idea Joe felt this way, she knew that he was nervous about meeting her family because he didn’t think they would like him, but she had no idea that the underlying meaning behind this was the fear that she would leave him. She couldn’t imagine her life without him, she had told him countless times that the only way anyone would ever manage to pry her away from Joe was if she died, to which Joe had replied with “Then they’ll just have to throw me on the fire with you, we’ll go out Dany and Drogo style babe.” Now, that same insanely confident, loving, incredible man, was stood in front of her, broken. (Y/N) quickly wiped her tears away, this wasn’t about her, and she didn’t want Joe to feel guilty over her tears. “Joseph. You listen, and you listen good. I will NEVER leave you, you understand me?” Joe was still looking at the ground, in the same position that he’d been in when he began his speech, but he lifted his head at (Y/N)’s words, hazel eyes meeting her own, before giving her a small nod. “I fucking love you Joe, I love you more than anything on this planet, and that includes my family.” Joe let out a small gasp at this, (Y/N)’s family was the most important thing to her, it was the whole reason he was so scared. Yet, here she was revealing that HE was the one thing on this floating rock that she loved the most. “Don’t you see that Joe? I love you, and I would do absolutely anything to make you feel happy, safe and loved. You are the most important thing to me, and if my family doesn’t like you, then that’s tough titties. They can learn to get used to not seeing me at family gatherings, because anyone who doesn’t love you, doesn’t love me. You are the smartest, most loving, caring, kind, incredible, fucking gorgeous, talented man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and somehow you’ve chosen to gift me with a little portion of your life.” (Y/N) had ahold of Joe’s face again, her hands delicately placed on his face, keeping his eyes locked onto her own in order to make him realize that every word she said was true. It must have worked, because the corner of Joe’s mouth began to lift, and he placed his hand on one of (Y/N)’s before lifting it slightly in order to place a kiss to her palm. This small action was one of her favorite forms of affection, and it elicited a small smile of her own. Soon enough, Joe had wrapped his arms around (Y/N) as tightly as he could, reveling in their closeness despite the sticky heat. “Hey, y’all okay?” came a call from the front of the Texaco, jerking the two from their embrace. There was an older man, probably 60, stood poking his head out the front door, looking intently at the two of them. Joe burst into a fit of laughter, his eyes crinkling at the corners, her favorite smile of his, throwing his head back as (Y/N) joined him. “Yes sir! Boyfriend is just nervous about meeting my family!” (Y/N) yelled back at the man. The store clerk nodded his head and held his index finger up, signaling the two of them to wait before he headed back into the store. (Y/N) and Joe stared at one another with equally confused looks on their faces before more laughs erupted from their mouths. “Are you sure you’re okay now Joe? We can always turn back around and tell my family that I came down with something.” Joe smiled over at (Y/N) before leaning against the car, immediately regretting it as he felt the sharp sting of hot metal against his skin. (Y/N) let out a snort as her boyfriend hopped around like rabbit in an attempt to get the burning to stop, earning her a pointed look from Joe, which only made the two laugh again. “I’m sure babe, sometimes you just have to have a mental breakdown to see the light.” (Y/N) crossed her arms and gave Joe a look that said ‘you’re deflecting’. “I promise (Y/N), after all, I might as well go ahead and meet these wonderful southerners before the wedding.” (Y/N) raised an eyebrow at Joe, “The wedding huh?” Joe simply smiled and slung his arm around her shoulders “Well duh, anybody who has seen my dick, met my parents, AND seen me have a panic attack has to be in for the long haul.” Joe’s spin on one of (Y/N)’s favorite John Mulaney jokes made her smile and thump his arm, which caused Joe to over dramatically flinch. He opened his mouth to make a smart retort towards (Y/N), but was interrupted at the sound of glass clanking against itself, making him turn around to see the store clerk from earlier waltzing towards the, now very sweaty, lovebirds. “Here ya go kids, meeting the parents is the worst part, but if you show up with something to wet their whistles, ya certainly won’t be too far on their bad sides.” the older man handed a bag full of various alcoholic beverages into Joe’s hands as (Y/N) attempted to offer payment, to which the man replied, “Absolutely not ma’am, the two of you remind me of my wife and I. I remember just how nervous I was when I met her folks, and how much I had wished I would’ve had some liquid courage. Y’all be careful.” And with that, the older man walked back through the front of the store. (Y/N) only shook her head, muttering something about “sweet home alabama”, as Joe situated himself back in the front seat of the car. As he waited, he pulled up (Y/N)’s ABBA playlist and selected her favorite song, just in time for the love of his life to open the door and plop down beside him. The opening “Ahahas” of Angel Eyes blasted through the speakers, causing (Y/N) to jump. “JOSEPH!” Joe simply laughed, taking her right hand into his, before bringing it up to his lips. “I thought you wanted to duet.” (Y/N) merely rolled her eyes, looking into the love filled ones of her boyfriend. Honestly the two of them were sickening. “Put on your seatbelt Mazzello, state troopers have quotas to meet, and I’m not a fan of getting tickets for unsafe driving.” Joe simply laughed in response, clicking his seatbelt in front of him as (Y/N) peeled out of the Texaco and towards her family’s house. 10 minutes, and 2 intense ABBA jam sessions later, (Y/N) pulled into a long gravel driveway, covered in cars. Joe felt his stomach start to sink again, but upon feeling (Y/N)’s hand in his, he smiled. “Ready my dude?” (Y/N) grinned over at him as she squeezed his hand in reassurance. “Ready Freddie.”

A/N: *insert gif of Joe saying “I don’t know how to end it” here.

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

talk too much [jeremy h. x reader]

like what i do? consider buying me a coffee!

y’all wanted jerm so i write jerm

warnings: probably out of character jerm bc this isnt even my best writing but u kno what!!! i tried and thats what matters! :0 also some hormonal teenage shit but whatever

        After a year of knowing Jeremy, and about three months of dating him, you could say you knew him well enough to know his nervous tics. The way he’d sorta start shoving his hands into his pockets, only to immediately pull them back out and straighten his spine; the way he’d drum his fingers restlessly on a table or on his ever-bouncing leg; or how he’d focus on you and stare you down unintentionally, his focus just ending up on you even if his thoughts weren’t. When you could get out, you’d slip your hand into his own and ask if he wanted to stay - and usually, he was happy to leave, immediately relaxing into normal-nerdy-boyfriend while telling you about the latest episode of this podcast he and Michael had been listening to, or about this video game he’d found, or really anything that interested him. He liked locking his fingers with your own, your shoulder bumping against him when he slightly pulled you into his side, trapped in his own world about whatever came to mind. You liked seeing Jeremy get caught up in his own world for a bit - there was just something cute about seeing fascination etch it’s way into his features, the stars in his eyes bright as ever. 

        So there you were, sitting across from Jeremy in some coffee-shop Michael had practically begged for you two to come to, watching Jeremy idly drum his fingers against the table as he listened to Michael talk on and on about the trip he took with his moms to visit family for the past few weeks. You smiled as you watched Michael pull up photo after photo, telling story after story about the shit he got up to while he was away. Normally, you and Jeremy would trade stories with Michael - but both of you had the feeling that whatever you two had to say, Michael wouldn’t exactly be up to hearing. Not that you thought Jeremy could get past one detail without going completely red - which the mere thought of made you smile. So you kept your coffee between your hands, listening to Michael’s winter break and watching Jeremy’s endless drumming.

        The moment that you and Jeremy parted ways with Michael, he opened up again, slipping his fingers in between your own and softly grasping your hand. You could see your breath in the winter air, and Jeremy’s hand was warm against your own. You listened to Jeremy talk about how he wished his winter break had involved travelling - not that he had anything against you, because trust him, he loved spending all that time with you - but maybe during summer if both of you get a job, you can save up and maybe go somewhere together.

        He stopped mid-sentence, looking over to you. “I-I mean,” he started, “if you wanna travel with me.”

        You looked over to him, tugging your scarf closer to your neck with your free hand. You finally spoke, a warm tuft of air emerging as you opened your mouth to speak, “of course I wanna travel with you, Jer. Why wouldn’t I?”

        “I mean- It’s not like I’m special or anything,” he sorta laughed it off, “and I don’t really know cool shit like Michael does about random places- or even where we’d go or-”

        “Where do you wanna go?” You squeezed his hand as you walked down the street.

        “I dunno. New York? It’s not far, but it’s expensive-” He paused, “what about you?”

        “New York honestly sounds great.” You fished around in your pocket for your keys, clicking for your car to unlock as the two of you approached it.

        The moment the two of you got into your car, you went to crank it up and blast the heating. Before you even considered moving, you waited, fingers intertwined with Jeremy’s as the two of you waited for that first gust of warm air to finally break through the car. He finally broke his hand away from yours as he unwrapped his scarf slowly, shedding his jacket without a second thought - and if you hadn’t had been paying attention, you would have missed the obvious mark on his neck.

        “Good job with hiding that, Jer,” you said with a click of your tongue, and he barely registered what you were talking about. Then it clicked, and the blush traveled up his neck and to his cheeks and the tips of his ears - although maybe the fact that he was cold helped with that.

        “I didn’t want Michael to see it- fuck, I’d never hear the end of it if he saw it, because then he’d say something to Rich and Rich would go screaming about it in the group chat and I-” He paused, “I don’t want them to know about any of that.”

        “Babe,” you dropped the name quietly, “I understand.” You couldn’t fight back a smirk, “although it’ll be kiiinda hard when it gets warmer.” You pulled his hand to your lips as you pressed a soft kiss against the back of it. “We’re heading to your place, right?”

        He nodded slowly, cheeks growing redder at the mischievous glint in your eyes. He knew you. He knew what you were planning - especially because his dad was definitely out right now, and that meant the two of you would be alone for a bit. Excitement bubbled within him though, because he’d definitely be lying if he said that look didn’t stir something within him. His breath had slightly hitched, and he fought back against anymore redness as he averted his gaze and focused on the scenery outside. You turned up the radio, a familiar enough song playing and he listened as you softly sang along in that little way that people do when they know the song but they don’t know the song. The soft murmurs under your breath that went along with the tune, but weren’t specific enough to make out each word. He smiled at that. He’d be lying if he didn’t actually think about road trips with you during summer, of turning up the radio so that the two of you could jam out shamelessly to a playlist you’d build together.

        You pulled into the driveway, shutting the car off after you watched Jeremy re-dress himself with winter attire (and you watched him smile when you made eye contact as he draped his scarf around his neck again to hide the hickey you’d given him the day before, and you couldn’t help but smile in return). Within the next few minutes, you were inside of his house and en route to his room, stripping off your thick jacket along the way.

        “Shit, babe, I know that I said I was going to clean after you left yesterday, but I kinda got preoccupied and I forgot about it,” Jeremy called out, “so my room is still a fucking mess- and, uh, I think I left my computer on the bed and hopefully I closed it but, fuck, I don’t remember-” And then he was following you, steps behind as you opened his bedroom door, his clothes strewn on the floor from changing that morning and his backpack open, binders carelessly shoved inside. “Sorry-” He said as he followed your gaze to his bag, “I had something stuck in my bag and I, uh, didn’t get a chance to organize- shit, I think I left a can of soda somewhere-”

        “Oh my god, Jeremy, shut up,” you laughed as you pulled him to you, lips smashing against his own, fingers gripping his shirt tightly within your fists.

        He clumsily kissed back, one hand at your cheek and the other grazing your arm as he stumbled force due to the sheer force of your pull. When he broke away, he pressed his forehead against your own, breathing softly as he sheepishly smiled.

        “I was rambling.” He said, not even questioning it, because he knew. 

        “Uh-huh.”

        “Sorry.”

        “Don’t be.” You reached up, caressing his cheek, “it’s cute.” You pressed a quick peck against his lips, “you’re cute.” You couldn’t help but smile. “You’re really, really fucking cute, Jeremy - I hope you know that. Like,” you drew away from him slightly, giving the smallest amount of distance between the two of you, “I like watching you talk about stuff you’re passionate about, even if I don’t understand half of it sometimes.” He watched you, not interrupting for a second. “Like - I know literally nothing about that Dungeons and Dragons podcast you listen to, but you get so fucking happy when you talk about it, it’s so cute. Or when you talk about some shit that happened when you were playing Overwatch, you get so fucking starstruck, it’s cute-”

        And then he kissed you, making you stumble back, pulling him with you as you fell. Pain sprawled throughout your back, Jeremy awkwardly pressed against you, and he pressed a soft kiss against your forehead as he kept asking if you were okay, to which you managed a nod.

        “Are you sure? I think we have-”

        “Shut up and kiss me, Jeremy.”

[milkywaystarboy]

Monsters

Karolina’s Playlist (1k Followers Celebration Challenge)

Prompt: Monsters by Ruelle (link to YouTuble lyric video)

Pairing: none

Word Count: 2594

Summary: A djinni named Kamaria runs from the Winchesters, who want them dead. They try to explain to the infamous brothers that the world isn’t black and white, and that Sam and Dean are just as much monsters as they are. A friendly monster fic with a nonbinary Arabic main character. Enjoy, my friends, and maybe one day this will be a series.

Warnings: there aren’t really any, though I do apologize for Kamaria violating the Winchesters’ minds with their djinn magic

Tags: @loveitsallineed @eruthiawenluin @zzzett @itsallintheeyeofthebeholder

My heart pounds in my throat as I run down an alley, not daring to throw a glance over my shoulder as I flee. Mama always told me to watch out for hunters, and now here I am, running from two of North America’s best known. I dash around a corner and curse loudly; dead end. The sound of footsteps grows louder and I look around, trying to find an escape. Bags of trash and dumpsters and shoddily-locked doors meet my eyes and a plan forms quick enough for me to enact it.

Sam and Dean Winchester, hunters of the supernatural and monsters in their own right, speed around the corner, guns drawn. They hesitate at the sight of the empty alley, then continue down it, cautious of the many hiding places I could be in. I watch them from behind a pile of trash bags. Dean notices a door broken open with a light blue trace of magic on it and moves closer to it, Sam turning his back to me as he covers Dean. Moving quickly, I get behind Sam and reach up to touch his temple, knocking him out and sending him into a dream.

I duck behind a dumpster, which puts me in Dean’s blind spot when he turns at the sound of his brother hitting the ground. “Sam!” he says, nearly a shout, and hurries to kneel beside him. “Wake up!” Then he’s also on the ground, a touch from my hand putting him into a nearly identical dream as his brother’s.

My breathing is ragged and my heart is still racing a mile a minute, but the threat is over, for now. Rummaging around in Dean’s pockets, I find the keys to his car. Back to the diner they’d chased me from, then I drive the classic Impala to the alleyway and manage to drag the overgrown men into their car to make it look like they fell asleep while parked at the curb. They’ll sleep for about an hour or so, giving me enough time to head out of town for somewhere quieter.

Maybe, while they’re out and after I’ve made it a fair distance, I’ll take a minute to plant an idea in their minds. An idea that not all monsters are truly monsters. And maybe I’ll tell them some of the bedtime stories my mama would tell me before sending me to sleep.

~~~

Since the beginning of time, there have been monsters among the humans. God created his humans, but Eve was the mother of monsters. Her first children were the Leviathans and the Alphas, and from the Alphas came the rest of us.

The world was large, and our Alphas led us to settle far from each other so that our feeding grounds wouldn’t overlap. The djinn settled in the Middle East, our dark skin ideal protection against the harsh desert sun.

Humans were easy prey at first. Gullible and soft, unaware of the danger in the world. Some fought back, of course, but were unsuccessful… and then, by a fluke, a butcher discovered how to kill us: a silver blade, coated in the blood of a lamb.

Soon, the butcher’s family started to hunt us, and we were forced from our homes, unable to pass as human. We retreated to ruins in the desert and resorted to luring in unwary travelers with the promise of making their deepest desires come true.

We survived, for a time, content to gain our sustenance in this way. The djinn slowly spread out, taking to caves as well as ruins for shelter. The Alpha remained near to the town she had originally settled in, taking two humans every few months. One to turn into another djinn, and one to teach the newborn how to feed.

Then hunters started moving around the world, meeting other hunters and exchanging information. They spread stories of monsters hiding in ruins on well-traveled roads, taking victims by night or day. It became harder for the djinn to survive, so we evolved again, taking to dark alleyways and unsuspecting passersby in the cities we had previously abandoned.

I was born in the upper room of an abandoned building in the year 1 BC, child of the Alpha and a newborn male djinn. My father died quickly (he was far too brash and careless), and so my mother and I moved to a different city.

She would tell me stories of hunters, of how merciless they were in their killings. How they would single-mindedly track down any creature they believed to be in the wrong and kill them, no matter how much evidence pointed to their innocence. She warned me to never trust a human, no matter how harmless they seemed, because any of them could have the knowledge of a hunter.

Hunters are the real monsters, she told me. And they have yet to prove her wrong.

~~~

The man laid out on the fold-out couch is pale and gaunt, nearly dead. And good riddance, too. The man was an abuser and child molester, set free on a technicality. Now he’s living in a dream world where he went to prison, as he should have, as I feed off him. I remove the tube in his arm that was slowly draining him of blood and close it off, wrapping it up with the blood bag and putting into a special container. It’ll stay at body temperature in there, ready for me to drink from when I need it.

I fast forward the dream he’s in, giving enough poison to end his life within a few minutes. As he lays there twitching in REM, I pack my bags and leave. It’ll be a race to see who finds the body first, the cleaners or the Winchesters, but either way, my message will be clear. I place a folder with the man’s history on his chest and leave.

~~~

Everyone knows the Winchesters. That is, every supernatural creature in North America, from the youngest child to the oldest scarred survivor, knows the Winchesters. Either from personal experience or from stories told like horror tales around a campfire.

They’re practically serial killers. If the government knew about all the people dead at the hands of the brothers, they’d use all their resources to track them down and arrest them. They’d be put on trial and sentenced to death or life in prison.

The members of the supernatural community know to stay clever to stay one step ahead of the Winchester men. Even just one misstep can lead to death at the hands of a weapon specifically made to end us. They know our weaknesses, and so we must learn theirs in return.

Their greatest weakness is each other. Story after story tells of one sacrificing himself for the other. But there are more. Dean has weaknesses for junk food and sweets, a good woman, and a night of drinks and pool. Sam is harder to gauge; some stories spin him as the more compassionate and more likely to spare someone if they’re proved innocent, but some tell he’s the more aggressive and ruthless. The only weakness mentioned is demon’s blood, but then it turned into a strength.

The magic of the djinn allows us to see our victims’ greatest fears and most desperate wishes. For a long time, we thought that if we could grab the Winchesters, we could learn their weaknesses. However, the only djinn able to capture Dean was quickly killed by Sam, and so they remain a mystery. But not for long…

~~~

It’s months before the Winchesters catch up with me again. This time I’m prepared for them and the empty warehouse I’ve made my home is set up as a trap. I wait, hidden in the rafters, watching them as they search the building for me. Dean’s the first to go down, his ankles caught in a noose that drags him up towards the ceiling. As Sam shouts, I dash over to the older brother and grab his arm, letting the poison in my magic seep into his skin to knock him out.

Sam takes longer to catch. After watching Dean disappear towards the ceiling, he’s wary of my traps. So I allow him to wander, lose himself in the maze I’ve made, and when he’s stuck up against a dead end, I drop down on a rope to land silently behind him. “Sam,” I say, my voice soft.

He spins around, silver knife flashing in the low light. His face is almost confused, but then his jaw clenches and he steps forward. “Where is Dean?”

“Safe.” I hold my hands up and take a step back. “I merely wish to talk, but the two of you make that difficult.”

“Talk?”

“Think about it. If I’d wanted to kill you, I would have done so months ago when I got the better of you in that alleyway.”

The tall hunter hesitates, just for a second, and that’s my opening. Rumors of the younger brother’s empathy aside, it’s too risky to hope he’d disarm willingly. I dart forward and knock the knife out of his hand, reaching up to render him unconscious. He falls with a thump and I fashion a harness for him out of the end of the rope. The system of pulleys in the warehouse helps me get Sam up to the room where his brother is.

~~~

The Winchesters are broken men. That much is certain, now that their inner selves are laid bare for me to see. Raised in the hunting life, led by a father who was more like a drill sergeant. Who believed he was doing what was right and that it was the best he could do given the circumstances. His abuse was unintentional, but it was abuse and neglect nonetheless, and both of these men have suffered for it.

Dean’s crippling fear of not being good enough, of failing to protect his brother, is a result of too much responsibility given to him in his childhood. His own self-righteous need to be the one in charge, the one who is right and makes the decisions. Dependency on his brother leads him to make selfish choices which only hurt others, and he falls into the pattern of the same kind of unintentional abuse as his father.

Sam is the outcast, the unworthy, unclean child. Strove to fit in but realized it was futile and ran away, only to be brought back into the life by the same kind of disaster that made his father begin. His compassion and large heart comes from knowing what it means to be unloved and his desire that no one else feels that way if he can help it. But years of abuse, both physical and psychological, have broken him and made him into a man who believes that he has no choice but to live the life his father chose for him when he was six months old.

~~~

I’m seated in an armchair, watching the Winchesters as they wake from the dream I gave them that explained my actions. They’re tied to their own chairs, immobile for the time being. “Welcome back to the world of the waking,” I say with a smirk. Dean growls and jerks against the rope, but Sam just looks at me thoughtfully, and I know he at least was paying attention in the dream.

“I swear to god,” Dean says. “As soon as I’m out of these ropes--”

“You’ll kill me, yes,” I interrupt. “Give me five minutes, though, and maybe you’ll rethink that decision.”

“You only kill people you think deserve it, right?” Sam asks, voice quiet.

“Right.” I smile slightly at him. “Criminals who got off clean because of corruption in the system.”

“Who are you to decide that?” the older Winchester says. “Who gave you the right?”

I raise an eyebrow, turning my attention back to him. “Who gave you the right to kill my kind and other beings like me? A drunk, obsessive ex-soldier looking for revenge for his dead wife?” That shuts him up, and I soften my expression, continuing. “I read stories in the papers of killers who get away because of a technicality, rapists whose victims are too scared to testify. The system is bogged down with cases and, more often than not, small time criminals, local ones who don’t make the news, get away and keep hurting people. So I make sure they pay for their crimes and allow myself to survive without harming innocents.”

Sam watches me, thoughtful expression on his face still, but Dean shrugs. “So what? You’re still killing people.”

“So are you.” I sigh, standing. “Look, I’ll stop killing criminals the second you stop killing ‘monsters’.” My fingers form air quotes and he rolls those bright green eyes of his. “You know you two are just as much monsters to the supernatural community as we are to you, right?”

Dean scoffs, but Sam looks down, something almost like sorrow in the lines of his face. “I know there are stories about us in the hunter world,” the younger man says. “I’m sure there are similar ones in your world too.”

I nod. “You two need to realize that the world isn’t made up of black and white. It’s more about gray morality than you think. I know covens of witches who work to improve the lives of the humans they share neighborhoods with, vampires who drink only from animals, werewolves who abstain from human hearts. Do they deserve to die just because of something that happened to them?” The two men are silent. “Of course not. Just as you two do not deserve to die despite the demon blood and becoming a demon.”

“How do you…” Dean starts, eyes narrowed.

“Djinn know the wishes and fears of humans, and are in their minds to control the dream when they feed off them. I’ve seen inside both of you while you were sleeping.” Dean growls again, and I almost feel guilty about the look of fear that crosses Sam’s face. “So here’s my deal. You two stop hunting me, and spread the word to other hunters to leave me alone. Make sure you take care from now on to double-check that the ‘monster’ you’re hunting is actually guilty, and I’ll do the same for my targets. In return, I’ll let you go, no worse for wear.”

“How do we know you’ll keep your end of the deal?” Sam asks.

“Trust me, the day I start killing innocents is the day I come to you and tell you I’m done living.” I step towards him, ignoring him flinching away as I untie him and let the ropes drop to the floor. “You have your freedom and your life. All I ask in return is my own.” Sam stands, and then holds out his hand. I shake it warily, but he smiles a little at me.

“Go,” he says, stepping over to Dean. “You have our word. And know we’ll find you if you break your promise.” I nod and leave, walking away quickly as Sam frees his brother.

“You’re just letting her go?” The older Winchester’s voice is loud and incredulous, and I smirk as Sam answers, though I can’t make out what he says. I look down at my cell phone as I get in my car, smiling at Sam’s number in my contacts. I’ll keep an eye on them, and maybe one day, hunter and hunted can work together for a common goal, for good.

[johnchiarello]

Philosophy- Last one

Philosophy- Last one [For now]

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  ARISTOTLE

 Born in Northern Greece- in 384 BC.

The most famous student of Plato- attended Plato’s Academy for around 20 years.

 His main disagreement with Plato was on his theory of Forms.

Plato believed that the ‘idea’ world contained the forms of all things we see in the physical realm.

 Aristotle taught that substance itself was the main thing- that the forms of what we see in the natural realm come from matter itself.

 He spoke about Potentiality and Actuality- that is the material things have in ‘seed’ form the final product.

 The acorn has the Potential of becoming a tree- the fetus has the Potential of becoming a man- etc.

The form is already embedded in the thing itself- it does not exist in the ‘idea’ world of Plato.

 Aristotle loved and admired his teacher- yet Plato had somewhat of a disdain for his most famous student.

Plato passed over Aristotle to head up the Academy- twice.

 As things go- Aristotle went and started his own school- called the Lyceum.

 Aristotle did not just teach Philosophy- but Biology- Logic- Ethics- Rhetoric.

Some refer to him as the first real scientist.

 His development of the laws of Logic- Cause and Effect- play a key role in the Scientific Method till this day.

 Aristotle taught that the main way we gain knowledge is thru sense perception and experiment.

 As we study the natural order of things themselves- we gain understanding from them.

 What we refer to as the Empirical method- knowledge gained thru the observation and experimentation of things.

 He referred to God as the Final Cause- not the First Cause.

Why?

 He believed in God [some debate this- Aristotle himself called him God in his work on Metaphysics] and called him the Prime Mover.

 As I said before- a big thing with the early thinkers was the origin of Motion- who started the ball rolling- so to speak.

 Aristotle credited the source of all motion to an ‘un- moved Mover’.

 He gave the attributes of God to his Mover- said he had no beginning- was not material- an eternal and imperishable substance.

 So- why the Final Cause?

He said God attracts all things to himself- so in his mind- motion started by attraction- not by a ‘push’ so to speak.

 This is interesting indeed- in modern physics we see that the universe is undergoing a continual expansion- heading somewhere- of course we believe this somewhere is God himself- the source of all things.

 Isaac Newton agreed with Aristotle on this point- he referred to it in his 3rd law of Physics.

 The medieval Muslim thinkers called him ‘The First Teacher’- and Kant [who we will get to later in this study] credits him with the bulk of what we know today as the Laws of Logic.

 Aristotle taught that the main activity of God was thought.

The bible says that thru Wisdom and Understanding God made things [‘Wisdom builds the house- Understanding establishes it- and thru Knowledge it’s rooms are filled with all pleasant and precious riches- Wisdom is profitable to direct- the words of the wise are like nails fastened by the masters of assemblies- as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation’- various bible verses found in Proverbs- Ecclesiastes and Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth] – in a way Aristotle was right.

 One of his key contributions was the Syllogism- you start with a Logical argument- you engage in Deductive reasoning- and come to a Conclusion.

 A famous example would be ‘All men are mortal- Plato is a man- Plato is mortal’.

 Aristotle did not believe that something comes from nothing- a phrase that will come up a lot as we progress in this study is ‘ex nihilo nihil fit’- meaning Nothing comes from Nothing.

 He was also what we refer to as a Teleolologist- he believed that there was design and purpose in the created order of things.

 He saw design in the universe- world.

 Many today embrace an idea that there is no purpose or design- that the design we see in the material world is by accident- and furthermore some say all that we see- CAME FROM NOTHING.

 I can’t stress enough that this is simply not possible- I don’t say this from the Christian view point alone- but from a scientific one.

 Science deals with the observation and testing of things- we look into the material world and come to certain conclusions based on what we see- observe.

 One of the most fundamental observations that science SEES- is what I quoted above- NOTHING COMES FROM NOTHING.

 That is- every effect has a cause.

 This is important for our day- because many have capitulated to the view that all things CAME FROM CHANCE.

 Not only is this statement illogical [chance is simply a word- this statement ascribes Ontological status to a word- which is impossible].

 But it is scientifically not true.

 Why?

 Because science shows us that things do not ‘pop into existence’ without a cause- from nothing.

 True science in no way contradicts belief in God- no- it backs it up.

 Aristotle- as well as most of the great thinkers we shall cover- came to the conclusion that there had to be some immaterial thing [being] that was the cause of all other things.

 Now- why did he argue for a PRIME MOVER?

 Because he believed that the universe was eternal- if there ever came a time when science showed us that the universe had a beginning point- then the argument would be over.

 The Theists [those that believe in God] would win.

 Sure enough- in the 20th century that’s exactly what happened.

 Today Physics teaches us that time- space- matter did indeed have a beginning point- what we refer to as the Big Bang Theory.

 If the early thinkers had this knowledge- then the argument for a Prime Mover would be moot- because instead we would have a Prime Starter- see?

  Aristotle is credited with writing the second greatest work on Ethics from the ancient period- called Ethics [the first one being Plato’s Republic].

 He wrote on political theory- believed that Aristocracy [rule by the excellent] was the best form of government [sort of like Socrates Philosopher Kings].

Aristotle’s most famous student was Alexander the Great.

 During Alexander’s conquests- he took a huge team of scientists with him- they collected all types of specimens from these conquests- and Alexander brought them back to Athens and they were used at the Lyceum for further study.

 It has been said that this was the most expensive scientific enterprise up to the day of the modern space program.

 He taught that the intellectual virtues can be taught directly- but the moral ones HAD TO BE LIVED FIRST.

 The bible says ‘the fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom’.

 I agree.

 Proverbs 3:19 The LORD by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens.

Proverbs 3:20 By his knowledge the depths are broken up, and the clouds drop down the dew.

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[todaysbiggesthits]

The Exam

Best Music Moment of 2017:

Code: dancing out the entire wedding reception playlist with my best girl on an empty concrete slab on a breezy texas night

BC: -The absolute stellar dance party at Codemin’s Wedding; most notably:

     “Carol” by The Rolling Stones

     “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode

     “Crystal” by New Order

-OK Computer’s 20th Anniversary and the listening/reflection that came with it -My four year old, Emmett, learning “Maps” on the drums pretty much on his own

JD: February: Watching the “Emotional Rescue” scene in A Bigger Splash:

March: Seeing Stop Making Sense on the big screen at my favorite theater with m’gal and a David Byrne Q&A after the screening. April: The dance party of a lifetime at Code and Arden’s wedding. November: Watching Parquet Courts play “You’ve Got Me Wondering Now” for the first time in years.

C: "Born to Run" at a good friend's, Brian Ferguson's, wedding.

Nasty: This playing at the end of Leftovers Season 3, Ep 5 - "The Most Powerful Man in the World"

Bronco: Sitting on my back porch with Brenny, sipping down some delicious whiskey drinks and listening to the new Mastodon on a surprisingly unshitty Amazon bluetooth speaker. Watching his face on the breakdown in Jaguar God was quite entertaining. Also listening to the Squalus album (the metal interpretation of Jaws) with the kids, my oldest asking what it was, and him saying he wants to watch Jaws now. He was especially fascinated by the USS Indianapolis part of the story.

Laser: This 

Chap: My 17 has been dominated by the two new ladies in my life. I made this mix for them:

and played it for them on random the morning they were born. This was the first song that came on:

and I finally broke down with emotion after the 36 hour experience while holding one of them while this song was playing:

Best Shows Seen in 2017:

BC: This first 60 seconds of this:

Nasty: Future Islands & Action Bronson

Larse: Future Islands with Maddie, Nasty, and Sam; Action Bronson at The Rave - pretty sure I got a contact high just from being in the show

C: War on Drugs

Bronco: Mastodon

Codem: lvl up - beat kitchen kitten forever - subterranean downstairs ovlov - beat kitchen pqc - the bottle girlpool - logan square auditorium moving units’ joy division cover set - the bottle PAWS - cobra lounge a. savage - the bottle pictureplane

JD: 1. William Basinski and Julianna Barwick at National Sawdust 2. No Age at Elsewhere 3. Parquet Courts and B-Boys at Elsewhere 4. Liars at Warsaw 5. Deerhunter and Eleanor Friedberger performing while Bradford Cox painted her portrait onstage at Warsaw 6. LCD Soundsystem at Brooklyn Steel 7. Yo La Tengo in Central Park 8. Andrew WK at Warsaw 9. Vince Staples at Panorama Fest 10. Wire at Baby’s All Right 11. Vagabon at Brooklyn Bazaar

Confession of 2017:

Bronco: I listened to the New Kids On The Block offering of 2017 "Thankful" (it was fucking terrible).

C: Still haven’t listened to LCD Soundsystem

Code: -knowing the backstory, the mount eerie album was probably the best album i heard this year, but it was too dang sad to listen to more than a handful of times. -i still loved that brand new song despite the lead cat being a creep. -i thought that this year was pretty rough for music, but my tune changed after looking back through my top tracks.  maybe there were just so few full albums that i liked? -i fast fwd'd through every SNL musical guest this calendar year, but i did catch the tom petty tribute from the vegas countrymin. 

BC: I don’t hate that objectively awful Chainsmokers/Coldplay song because it reminds me of this year’s BOB since Creevey played it every twenty minutes for 36 holes.

Larson: Listened to more rap this year than I think I have in past years; must be Nasty's Lincoln influence!

Nasty: I listened to more podcasts than music in 17.

Biggest Disappointment of 2017:

Laser: LCD Soundsystem

Codem: -no chromatics this year. -the two lcd shows that i saw this year.

Chap: The albums. I would not be shocked if I didn't listen to any of my top 15 all the way through after today.

Bin: DJT

JD: Mondanile

BC: Real Estate.  I think they need to invite the perv back into the band.

Bronco: Bison, Monolord, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, And So I Watch You From Afar. They all put out albums this year, and I've like their stuff in the past, but they did little to nothing for me this time around.

Most Overrated of 2017:

Codem: slowdive, but also twod and japanese breakfast

Bin: Bodak Yellow / Cardi B

Larse: LCD Soundsystem

Bronco: -Pallbearer - just don't like the guy's voice, and though they're slow as shit, there's no good riffs or anything to connect with for me. -Code Orange - hardcore band that I just don't get. One of those 'motherfucker I'm the best!' type super close to being alt-right supremecy type bands even though they're probably completely against it. They're at the top of most metal lists this year. I've given them 4-5 spins, most in reaction to the praise they're getting, but I just don't get it. -Royal Thunder - just one big case of blue balls. All of their songs seemingly build toward a climax that never happens. It's just so blech.

JD: Did the music press even treat anything as a lasting work of art and not ephemeral content to get through a week or two of famous personality driven clicks? King Krule? 

BC: Lorde, I think?  I mean, that album’s gotten a lot of love this year and I thought the lead single – “Green Light” – was hot garbage. It spawned a conspiracy theory in my mind that Taylor Swift was proactively influencing and then purposefully sabotaging the work of her close friends (see Lorde, Haim, et al).

Make it Stop 2017

Bronco: Sex monsters. Can we just take all white dudes in powerful positions, assume they've sexually assaulted at least one person, imprison them, and move on? We could take everything they have, give it all to Native American tribes, then force them to walk their own trail of tears to live out their lives in the desserts of New Mexico, and force them to build the wall, but it would just be a wall around their sad sex monster reservation.

Also, Taylor Swift.

Nasty: I didn't have the luxury of expending any real hate on music this year... which I'm just now recognizing as a bad thing.

JD: -Unceasing sadness and anxiety about the present and future. -Jack Antonoff

BC: Life on this planet.

Code: any rap station that i hear in an uber. that cardi b song was playing every time i caught a cab at 5:30 a.m. to play golf.

Larson: U2

Biggest TBH Regret of 2017:

BC: Not seeing NIN at RiotFest

Larson: Skipping the Car Seat Headrest show at Summerfest because I could tell Maddie didn't want to leave Jonas' party (party was fun, so not a real loss, just wish I would have seen the show).

Nasty: Not even giving new artists a chance. I'll listen to an average album from The National 10x's before I give someone new a shot.

Codebreaker: not having an opportunity to karaoke badu's tyrone

JD: -Had the worst fever of my life during LCD and could only manage standing in the back shivering. -Forgetting to go see Dinner at Baby’s All Right. -Not enough time with Bjork, Miguel, and Blanck Mass. 

Bronco: Fucked up the family calendar maintenance and ended up not being able to see the Toadies and Local H. I was pissed at my wife, but it wasn't the end of the world. I haven't listened to either in forever, and the listen I gave to the Toadies latest offering didn't knock my socks off. It was really just for nostalgic purposes. Still it sucked to have to miss it despite my best efforts to bring it to her attention multiple times.

Detective Murtaugh of 2017:

NACK: I had two separate opportunities to see LCD, and just didn't feel like putting in the effort. Was going to put this as a regret, but I don't regret it.

Code: i skipped 7 shows that i had tickets for and left 6 shows early. two shows i left early due to brightness of lights.  mmmmmnhh

JD: Couldn’t hear for 18 hours after No Age. Needed two Tylenol for the headache I gave myself during “You’ve Got Me Wondering Now” at PQ Quartz.

BC: Having no idea who either the SNL host or the musical guest was for three straight weeks.  Tiffany Haddish? Saoirse Ronan? SZA? I’m too old for this shit…

Nasty: Carson, Maddie, Sam and I went to watch the IU game this weekend with one of Carson's co-workers (an IU grad) who is 23.... I got rolling on a rant about how important it is to enjoy your 20s because after the impending onslaught of weddings and babies life basically isn't any fun anymore. Suspect it was a little too impassioned by the end.

Bronco: I was enrolled in a three month coding bootcamp to learn Web Development. Aside from the two older ladies (50+) and the weird Brazilian idiot (45+), I was the oldest person in the room by probably an average of 13 years. They are all for the most part life-pivoting in to the dev world and they all have all the time in the world to learn new shit, do whatever they want, whenever they want...goddamnit I miss that. So maybe this is my "too married and fathered for this shit" section of the exam.

C: Wife’s Pregnancy

Laser: Every time I wake up with a fucking hangover and tell myself that I’m not gonna drink like that again only to get back on the saddle the next available opportunity.

Resolution for 2017 Update:

BC: Put a goddamn band together. How it went: 

C: Check out some jazz/blues in Chicago. How it went: FAILED

Larson:  Focus on the shit I really care about instead of trying to listen to everything posted on the thread…I’m just going to have to be honest with myself and realize I ain’t got time for all this media! How it went: Terrible; found myself listening to Timeless Pop Rock hits playlist more than anything else.

Chap: Check out more of the recommendations on the TBH thread. Try to organize get-togethers around TWO shows. How it went: Actually not bad. I had a few solid period during nap times when I didn't feel like working. I think I was able to listen to every album I wanted to at least once.

Code: make concerted effort to listen to music that i liked in previous years in addition to music from the current year. How it went: i nailed my resolution, as i devoted four full months to the grateful dead and it was the best musical trimester of the year for me. it was really interesting to watch all of the new music pile up and never once feeling compelled to listen to something else. god damn did the '77 version of the band have it all figured out. i could listen to any uptown mississippi halfstep toodeloo from that year at any time.

Bronco: Learn the guitar. I’ve been fooling around with Rocksmith (guitar hero with real guitar) and I want to push myself to execute the more complex chords, not just stick to the powerchord simple songs like Blitzkrieg Bop, and start learning how to build and execute a solo. I also want to distill my own whiskey, build a garden shed from scratch, and learn to code. How it went: I haven't quite mastered the guitar, but I can play a few songs fairly well. I did not start working on my own whiskey or build a garden shed from scratch...yet. But I did learn to code. I am now at conversational levels of fluency with Javascript and at "donde es el bano" levels with Ruby and Python.

Nasty: See a show in NY with JD. How it went: Not great, Bob! I barely made it down the street to see Action Bronson with Laser 

JD: Seeing more shows with you guys is an evergreen resolution. How it went: To quote BC,

Resolution for 2018:

BC: No more resolutions

C: Catch some jazz in Chicago

Laser: get my list in on time!

Chap: While I didn't have the occasion to catch shows this year, I anticipate doing so in '18 due to some changes afoot.

Codem: make more playlists for my wife

Bronco: Get in shape. I want to stick to a schedule of running all year round. I ran a 10K back in June, then needed to recover for a bit, been recovering ever since...Fat Dad needs to keep running all year round without excuse, especially given that we go skiing between Xmas and New Year's and I'm gonna be a floppy legged mess. During those runs, I'll try to listen to new material each time.

Bin: I'm just going to keep saying "get to NY for a show with JD" until I make it happen. 

JD: See you gents more often with or without a show attached. 

Most Anticipated of 2018:

C: MBV

JD: MBV, No Age, Panda Bear, something surprising

Code: chromatics (i think it's really coming this year), mbv, no age, DOM, CCFX full album

Bronco: Tool. Fourth year's the charm...fuck those guys. It better suck me off when it finally does come out. Also a new Sleep album and a new High on Fire album...still waitin' on those too.

BC: Simple Minds, Vampire Weekend, Kanye

Nasty: Kanye, ASAP Rocky, Rhye, Chromeo, Vampire Weekend

Chap: After a quick glance at the list... Vampire Weekend, Kanye, Chromatics

Larse: Honestly don't even know what is on the horizon, just hope I can listen to it with this net neutrality bullshit!