#this thing took like... 4 hours? oops

[agried]

pushing my pink niki agenda once again. i think he'd look amazing in the new spotlight rei scr outfit

[waltzing-rats]

Finally managed to get some DDJ stuff on digital!! This is also kinda rendering practice for me i think that’s why im so fried rn aaaaa

[running-in-the-dark]

annnnd now it's 3 am and I'm drawing and I don't wanna stop. but I have to drive to my uni in like. 6 hours. to collect some stupid signatures so I can get my diploma or whatever. 🙄

[anothermonikan]

'In 33 hours this will all be over, whether you do it good or not you wont have to worry about it anymore, cmon Andy, you got this! You got this!' <<< trying to do their last assignment

[sescoups]

on my knees - choi seungcheol

masterlist

summary: your best friend and roommate is out of the country, and you come home to find nothing short of a disaster. who else would you have called but her brother?

word count: ~9k oops

a/n: I have no fucking clue what happened to me, but I just started writing and then didn't stop for like 4 hours so. here you go. you're welcome and also I'm sorry.

18+ MDNI!! warnings under the cut!

warnings: heavy kissing, seungcheol is the epitome of a Simp, p in v sex, unprotected sex (don't), oral sex (f receiving), slight size kink, let me know if I missed something!

You had been best friends with Sua since you were both six years old. One of the older boys had pushed you onto the ground, wanting to be ahead of you in the line for the slide. Most of the other kids had laughed as tears started pouring down your cheeks, your knee rubbed red and raw and your pretty dress covered in dust and gravel.

“Are you really so immature you can’t even wait your turn?” a small voice had piped up.

Through the haze of your tears, you had seen a pretty black-haired girl kneel down to help you out. She had brushed away the worst of the dirt from your dress, and leaned in to look at your knee.

“I don’t know much about scrapes,” she said thoughtfully, “but I think you should clean it. That’s what my mom always says to me and my brother.” Then she smiled before standing up and glaring at the boy again. “You’re a poopyhead, and I will never play with you.”

Thinking back on it as adults, you always laughed at her phrasing; even more amusing was the way the little boy had taken Sua’s comment way too seriously and tried to fight her in the playground. Before any of the adults had been able to intervene, Sua’s older brother had stepped between the two of them menacingly, arms crossed across his chest. He was three years older, so the other boy quickly back-tracked when faced with Seungcheol’s nine-year old frame. After the little boy had run away out of fear, crying, the two siblings had helped you off the ground and to your parents.

The rest was history; playdates as children, study dates in middle and high school, and spending every single summer vacation together. You had gone from climbing trees to shopping at the mall, and from learning the alphabet to crying your way through chemistry together. Well, you more than her, but still. The suffering was mutual.

Your dynamic remained largely unchanged throughout the years. You were the crier, and Sua was the fixer. You hated the way you cried at the smallest inconveniences, and often felt bad for Sua for having to fix it, but she always said it was cute. She said you were just like that, and that was okay. Sua had her own quirks, mainly being quick to anger - you reassured her that you didn’t mind holding her back from fights and silencing her before she could yell insults at undeserving people, so really, you were the same. Just, you know, in a different way.

Another thing that never really changed was the way Seungcheol took care of the both of you. He helped out with homework when he could, taught Sua how to fight (truly a dubious decision considering her anger, but that was his business and not yours), and scared away any icky boys that were mean to you.

It was a very different dynamic to how other siblings seemed to act, but since you were an only child, you wouldn’t really know. Though, to be fair, he seldom held back the snarky comments when the opportunity presented itself. He would roll his eyes whenever you cried, call Sua an idiot when she didn’t understand a math problem, and generally be a dick when you played games together. It was all in good fun, you supposed.

Now, being 24 years old and two years out of college, Sua was your roommate and your rock. She was the one who put up with your generally messy habits and lack of cooking acumen, and she only complained once a month or so. In return, you were the one to make sure bills were paid on time and keep the freezer stocked with ice cream during the hot summer months. A symbiotic relationship, if you’d ever seen one.

You saw significantly less of Seungcheol, though he was far from an uncommon fixture in your household. He knew the code for the keypad on the door, so sometimes he just showed up unannounced to raid your kitchen and take a nap on your couch, but you didn’t mind. He did tend to fix anything that was broken and clean up whatever you couldn’t be bothered to, so the transaction was fair in your opinion.

One fateful Tuesday, you received a call during your lunch break at work. Usually, you wouldn’t answer, preferring to take your 45 minutes to scroll down your social media feeds aimlessly while eating your food, but Sua had always had special privileges, so you picked up anyway.

“Hey, sorry, I know I’m interrupting your scheduled vegetable time,” she started, and you snorted in response.

“I am not eating anything with vegetables in it, and I think you know it.” You were opening the store-bought lunchbox while speaking, your phone tucked between your elbow and your cheek.

“If I didn’t cook you dinner every day, you would have scurvy,” she shot back without a second’s hesitation. “No, dumbass, I meant your own brain-turning-to-vegetable time. Duh.”

“Oh, that,” you replied, unphased by her insults and generally snarky tone. You were used to it. And also kind of deserved it.

“Yeah. Well anyway, something came up at work and I’m gonna have to take an unscheduled work trip.”

“Cool. Where to?”

“Tokyo, so not that far,” she sighed, and you could picture her running her fingers through her hair. She never did well with unexpected travel plans. “I have to leave tonight. I just thought I’d let you know, so you can make plans to get takeout tonight.”

You scoffed down the line, placing a forkful of bulgogi in your mouth and chewing quickly. God bless convenience store lunchboxes. “I know how to take care of myself, mom.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, you slob.” Again, you could picture Sua’s nose crinkling in disgust. “I’m kidding, by the way. I know you can take care of yourself. Just letting you know I’m leaving so you don’t think I’ve been kidnapped or killed or something.”

“Thank God I don’t have to deal with the paperwork for a missing person,” you deadpanned and took a drink of your Sprite. “No but for real, enjoy the trip. I’ll be fine, and so will you.”

“Thanks,” your best friend sighed back. “I’ll be back in a week or so. I’m gonna go home and pack now, so if anything’s a mess when you get home- actually, nevermind. That doesn’t bother you at all. Bye.”

“Hey-” you started to protest, but the line went dead and you rolled your eyes.

Well. At least now you could have sushi for dinner without having to listen to Sua complain about the smell of raw fish.

You were so ready to become a couch potato as soon as you came home. One of the new employees at work, Jun, had screwed up a pretty important document, so you’d had to stay late and help him fix it. It wasn’t his fault, he was still new, but you were tired nonetheless. You took your shoes off by the door and turned the lights on in the kitchen, placing the bag of takeout on the counter before you heard it.

The water.

You had never had any issues with the pipes in your apartment, but something had obviously gone wrong with the pipes under the bathroom sink, because the floor was absolutely flooded. You gasped and shut your eyes tightly for a second, willing the problem to be miraculously gone as soon as you opened them again. Alas, no such luck.

The tears pressed behind your eyes, begging to make their escape. You tried to hold them back as you thought about what to do to solve the problem. The faucet wasn’t on, so it was definitely the pipes. Damn. You thought about calling the apartment management and asking for help, but their turnover time was two days at the best of times, and the office was already closed for the day. You heaved a deep sigh as you settled on the best option you could think of. You pressed the name in your contacts and begged the universe that he would pick up.

“What’s up?”

Seungcheol sounded relaxed and unbothered, and you could hear the chatter of a TV in the background. You hated to bother him, but hey, it was his little sister’s apartment too. You cleared your throat to try and get rid of the thickness in your throat brought on by the tears.

“Hey, Cheol,” you began, and you heard him sit up immediately and pause whatever was playing on the TV.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

He sounded worried; he usually only called you an endearment when he was worried or teasing you. Clearing your throat had evidently not been enough to get rid of the tears in your voice. Some of them finally escaped in tracks down your cheeks, and you swore, leaning your forehead against the doorframe.

“So uh, I just got home, and Sua isn’t here because she’s in Tokyo and I-”

“Y/N, I don’t care about Sua right now. I know she’s fine, she landed half an hour ago. What’s going on with you?”

“The guest bathroom is flooded, like completely, and I don’t know what to do.”

You heard the rustling of clothes and what sounded like keys jingling through the phone. “Jesus Christ, I thought you were fucking dying,” Seungcheol scolded, and you hiccupped a little, apologizing. “No, don’t worry darling, I’m coming over to help, okay?”

“Okay.”

You were sniffling, and you heard him curse under his breath. You hung up after a quick goodbye, and then you were left alone with the mess again. Looking closer, you realized that the bath mat was soaked along with a towel left on the floor. You sighed and took your socks off, deciding to do something productive while waiting for your knight in shining armor.

You took a picture and sent it to Sua, who replied immediately with a bunch of question marks and swear words directed to the apartment management. She also realized they would be no help at this hour. Great.

Once the soaked bath mat and towel were hung up and dripping into the tub as opposed to the flooded floor, you started clearing out some of the decorations that were taking up floor space. There was a giant plant, two laundry baskets, and a really heavy wooden dresser that held all your clean towels - you didn’t want the wood to rot.

You heard the door open while you were in the process of moving the plant. Honestly, you should have waited for Seungcheol to move this one; the plant was heavy as fuck and really awkward to carry, and you could feel your back protesting before you had even gotten it outside of the bathroom.

“What the hell, Y/N.”

The voice was closely followed by a pair of hands grabbing the plant from you and heaving it outside of the door in mere seconds. Showoff.

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol asked after placing the plant down on a towel, grabbing your upper arm gently. You nodded, and he sighed, squeezing your arm. “Let’s see the- oh fuck.”

You couldn’t help it, you started laughing. Hysterically. The bathroom floor was covered in two inches of water, and the sound of more spraying out was echoing off the walls. Your best friend’s brother glared at you for two seconds before he started laughing too. It wasn’t funny, but it kind of was. How had this even happened? And how had Sua not seen anything when she was home to pack?

“Sorry, Cheol,” you giggled, wiping under your eyes to get rid of the tears that were still falling. Typical. “I, uh, wanted to move the plant and the dresser to make more room and-”

“Darling, that plant was almost heavier than you are. Not to mention that dresser. What were you thinking?”

His voice soothed your panic. He had been solving your problems for the past eighteen years, after all; this was nothing he couldn’t handle. He looked ruffled, you realized. He had been relaxing after a long day at work when you called, and had gotten to your apartment as fast as he could just to help you. And now he was here, being all nice and caring and calling you sweet names. You felt like a stupid child.

“I-I’m sorry. For calling you, I shouldn’t have, I-”

“Absolutely not. You can call me about anything at any time, you got that?” he asked sternly, gazing directly into your eyes. You swallowed, but nodded. His words gave you unwelcome butterflies, the intensity of his gaze making you look away.

“Got it,” you replied when a nod didn’t seem to be enough for him. “Uhm, so how do we deal with this?”

For a moment, the only sound you could hear was the steady spray of water coming from under the sink. You realized that all the products underneath would be useless now, and you would probably have to change out the entire cabinet housing the pipes. You felt a migraine start a steady throb against your temples, and you deflated even more, resting against the doorway.

“It’s okay, I’ll fix it for you, darling,” Seungcheol said softly, pulling you in for a hug. Your stomach erupted in butterflies again. You seriously needed some psychological help.  “Just go change, okay? You must be exhausted.”

You shook your head, but relented when he lifted an eyebrow at you. You went to your room and closed the door. For a moment, you just stood there, staring at nothing. Your bathroom was flooded. And your best friend’s brother was helping you fix it, calling you sweet nicknames and saying shit straight out of a romance novel - as if your dumb crush on him needed any more encouragement. You sunk onto the edge of your bed for a moment, just breathing deeply and blinking back more tears. Enough was enough.

When you were fourteen or so, you’d had a crush on Seungcheol. Who wouldn’t? He was tall, pretty, smelled good, and helped you with your homework. Ever since then, it would come and go, usually at the most inopportune times. You appreciated his looks pretty often, particularly when he came over to fix stuff for you and Sua, but you tried not to think about it much - mostly out of self preservation. He was still pretty, still nice, still smelled good, and whenever you let your mind wander for more than five seconds, you knew you were in danger.

You definitely should get it under control. First of all, he had known you since you were six. He had seen all your weird phases, watched you find your own identity, and that came with some really cringy stuff. Additionally, you were his little sister’s best friend. You had some loyalty to her, sure, but more than anything you were sure that he saw you as an extra sister or something. Considering the amount of time you had spent at their house growing up, that would only be logical.

Armed with the reminder of why he would never be into you, you shook it all off. You located your regular home attire - bike shorts and a big t-shirt which origins you forgot - and put your hair up and out of your face. Then you steeled yourself again, vowing not to cry at the sight of the water, and walked back towards the accursed bathroom.

You found Seungcheol on his knees in front of the open cabinet from where the water came. He was hunched over, hand in front of him to block some of the water and seemingly looking for something. His white t-shirt had been sprayed with water, and it was sticking to his chest. You gulped at the sight, repeating that he saw you as an annoying crybaby to yourself in order to stop the stupid butterflies that had seemingly taken up permanent residence in your guts.

“Do you need a flashlight or something?” you asked timidly, making him look up at you. He paused and blinked at you once, twice, before clearing his throat and nodding. You got out your phone and turned the flashlight on, carefully stepping in behind him so as not to splash him.

“I, uh, think we need to remove this middle shelf from the cabinet,” he said, having positioned himself to shield you from the spray.

“Alright,” you replied, placing your phone to the side and leaning to grab the shelf before being stopped by one of his hands. He had placed it carefully on bare skin so as not to get your clothes wet. Damn him. “What? I’ll just grab it and get it out of the way for you.”

He scoffed. “You’ll get wet.”

Now it was your turn to blink at him stupidly, eyes wide and questioning. You could feel your cheeks burning, as did your arm where his hand was resting. This stupid, stupid man was going to make you fall in love with him, and that just couldn’t happen. At all.

“Who cares, Cheol? It’s just water. Let me get it out of your way, and I’ll hold the flashlight again, okay?”

He grimaced, but let go of your arm. You grabbed both sides of the shelf and lifted it. It took a bit of pressure, but eventually it came loose. You backed up slowly and brought the shelf over the tub with the soaked bath mat and dirty towel. Gross.

Even though you had been fast, Seungcheol had been right; your entire torso was soaked with water. You decided that you could do something about it after the leak was dealt with, and so you just ignored it and grabbed your phone again. Your friend was staring at your front with a wrinkle between his brows, mouth open a little, and you rolled your eyes affectionately.

“Cheol.” He looked up at you. “It’s fine. I know you wanted to shield me or whatever, but it’s just a shirt. Now please, help me solve this?”

He nodded wordlessly and turned back to the considerably more spacious cabinet, taking a deep breath. His pout was cute, and you hated your heart for beating faster at the sight of him.

Seungcheol seemed to finally have found what he was looking for, and reached into the cabinet. You altered the angle of the light to make sure he could still see what he was doing despite the shadow of his arm. He grabbed ahold of something and started tugging, his biceps flexing distractingly and his eyebrows screwing up in effort. You were definitely not holding the flashlight in a particularly helpful way anymore, but thankfully your helper didn’t seem to mind.

After a second or two the water slowed before stopping completely, and you cheered out loud. The sound had somehow become grating after only an hour, and the silence was very much welcome. Seungcheol stood up with a wince, holding a hand to his back like an old man. Without thinking, you pulled him into you and gave him a bear hug. You felt tears prick at your eyes again, but held them back. You were just so grateful to have him.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

You felt him laugh against you before he wrapped an arm gently around you and returned the hug. You pressed your cheek to his chest, just standing there and enjoying the embrace for a while before your brain would inevitably come back online. You felt his chin press against the top of your head for a second before he pulled away suddenly.

“Shit, sorry, I’m all-”

“I said I don’t care, stupid,” you scoffed, but your cheeks were definitely getting red now. How could you have just grabbed him like that? And embraced him? You would have cried if you hadn’t been so tired your head felt like it was full of cotton.

Now that you thought about it, you were extremely tired. It felt like a movie effect, the way your blood pressure just suddenly dropped and you swayed to the side. You were expecting a splash and a very uncomfortable kiss with the tile floor, but instead you found yourself back in Seungcheol’s arms. Oh.

Again with the stupid romance novel shit. The universe was testing you for sure. How were you supposed to resist him, really? You were doomed. Even the thought of your infatuation with him being one-sided could no longer bring you back down to the ground. You were simply fucked.

“When was the last time you ate anything?”

And he cares? Fuck the universe, seriously.

“Uhm, I think it was lunch. I stayed pretty late at work, so-”

“Please tell me you have food.”

“Y-Yeah. It’s uh, it’s on the counter in the kitchen.”

Without hesitation, the man picked you up and carried you into the kitchen. Your heart was going crazy, as were the butterflies in your stomach. You were at a loss for words, just going limp in his arms as he brought you to the dining table and placed you on one of the chairs gingerly. You continued to simply blink at him as he disappeared back into the hallway and came back with his hoodie, pulling it over your head before disappearing into the kitchen.

You wanted to scream and kick your feet, because was this man even real? You had no idea how you had deluded yourself into thinking your feelings toward him were sisterly, because currently, your pussy was screaming for him to come ruin you. And honestly? Both your heart and your head kind of agreed at this moment. You were so screwed.

When he came back with your sushi all plated and a glass for the drink you had bought, you couldn’t help but let the tears come back. You hated that you were so weepy, especially in front of a man you apparently were head over heels for, but it was just who you were. You were sad? You cried. Happy? Cried. Angry? Waterworks. You were helpless to it, and apparently to him, too.

“Good job picking up food on the way back home,” he teased, placing the plate in front of you. Then he poured your drink into your glass for you, promptly ignoring the way you were wiping your cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Shut up, I’m an adult,” you pouted back. He snorted loudly and sank into the chair opposite you, looking at you as you picked up your chopsticks and got ready to eat.

“Sometimes, maybe,” he drawled with a smirk. You glared at him, but your teary eyes had little to no effect, and you knew it. “I’m kidding, baby. I know.”

He was still studying your face as you placed the first piece of heaven into your mouth, sighing happily and smiling in delight. It made him smile, too, and you could have died at the sight of his dimples. At this point, you had just accepted the butterflies and their claim to your stomach; doing anything else seemed futile.

“I’m sorry I’m so weepy, Cheol,” you said between bites, pouting a little. He shook his head but you interrupted him before he could speak. “No, really. There was no reason to cry so much, or so many times, but I just- I don’t know. I literally got home right before I called you, and that was, what? At around-”

“9.30.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, leaning back in your chair and tilting your head back in exhaustion. “9.30. I’m just tired, is what I’m trying to say.” You sat back up and huffed, sending him an embarrassed smile.

“And what I’m trying to say,” Seungcheol said while you readjusted the sleeves of his hoodie, “is to not worry about it. I know you’re an emotional person, but that’s okay.” He paused for a second, smiling when you almost dropped your sushi into the soy sauce. “Being emotional is just a tiny part of who you are. You excel at so much; it’s okay to have a few flaws. We all do, I promise. Besides, being emotional isn’t really a flaw, it’s just part of being human.”

At this, you couldn’t help but laugh a little. First of all, he was way too well-spoken to be a man in his twenties. Second of all, if he was implying that he, of all people, had any flaws, he was dead wrong. You had never seen him fail at anything, had never seen him do something awkward, even as a child. God, you wished he had, because maybe then he could have remained the brother of your best friend instead of becoming so incredibly meaningful to you.

“As if you have any flaws,” you mumbled, sticking another piece of food in your mouth. At least the sushi was good.

“Oh please, sweetheart. I’m twenty-seven and single. There’s plenty wrong with me.”

You shook your head vehemently. “Being single is not a flaw, you dummy. It’s just a relationship status. Who cares.”

“As if that’s all it is,” he laughed back.

“Okay, so the fact that I’m single reflects badly on me? ” you asked, raising an eyebrow. “Good to know.”

Your plate was empty, and your chopsticks were resting on the edge of it. The only sound in the apartment was a steady, slow drip from the drying bath mat in the bathroom. You were staring at one another from across the table. Why the tension suddenly was so thick was anyone’s guess. All you knew was that the air in your little kitchen suddenly felt suffocating.

“You’re single?” he asked after a while, and you laughed a little.

“Yeah, Cheol.”

“What about that dude, what was his name… Mingyu?”

“Ew,” you said, wrinkling your nose. “God no. We went on like, one date and then decided it was weird to be anything other than friends. He feels more like a brother than anything.”

“What about Chan?”

“Wh- Chan? That was four years ago,” you laughed, shaking your head. At the curious tilt of his head, you kept going: “He was fine, we just got stressed during college and broke up. It happens.”

Something about this line of questioning felt momentous, for a few reasons. One, he was inquiring about your dating life, a topic the two of you generally never talked about. Two, he remembered the name of potential partners that had been in your life, even ones that hadn’t stuck around for long (or at all, in Mingyu’s case). And three… the way he looked at you was different. There was something in his gaze that you couldn’t place, something you didn’t know if you dared hope for.

“Well he’s obviously an idiot,” Seungcheol said under his breath. You were probably not supposed to hear it, but you did. Your heart stuttered in your chest as he looked at you guiltily, as if he had done something wrong. “I just meant that- uhm.”

A few seconds passed in silence. You barely dared to breathe. You were hoping he would keep going, hoping he would clarify before your thoughts went way too far again. The tension was so thick it could have been cut with a knife. Finally, he let out the heaviest sigh you’d ever heard.

“No, you know what, I meant it. He was an idiot for breaking up with you, because anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Time stopped. What do you say after that? You wanted to scream with joy and jump his bones, of course, but you couldn’t exactly do that. What if he didn’t mean it like that? If he didn’t feel the way you hoped he was implying? Because he, or more specifically his sister, was such a huge part of your life, and awkwardness was just not an option.

“Are-” you started, but blinked and started over. “Are you… serious?”

“Of course I am, Y/N.” He sounded almost exasperated. He ran a hand through his slightly damp hair, making it fall over his forehead in the most attractive way you had ever seen. Fucking. Unfair. “I’m not- I mean. I get it if you don’t feel the same or anything, but-”

“Feel what, exactly?” When he stared at you in confusion, you elaborated. “Please be clear with me, Cheol. I don’t want to keep guessing.”

It had come out as a whisper, but he had heard you. His expression softened, and the wrinkle between his brows disappeared. His mouth was slightly open as he seemingly looked for the right words. Your heart was beating out of your chest, and you almost felt it in your throat.

“Baby,” he started, and it made your breath hitch. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as dense as you are.”

“Hey!”

“No, seriously,” he kept going, not a single trace of evidence that he was joking, “do you actually mean to tell me you don’t know how I feel about you?”

“Look, I don’t-”

“I guess you don’t, and in that case, that’s my bad.” He got up from his chair and rounded the table, crouching next to your chair and grabbing your hand. “I am so ridiculously into you, it’s not even funny. Sua literally won’t stop teasing me about it, neither will my parents or my friends. No matter how hard I try I can’t stop thinking about you, but I’m honestly not sure I would want to even if I could. You mean so much to me, Y/N, and I really don’t want to be overbearing but I- fuck, I can’t-” he shuts his eyes in an attempt to collect himself, “I love you, baby, and if you don’t feel the same that’s fine, but I at least need you to know that I’m on my goddamn knees for you.”

Your glass, still containing some of your soda, toppled over from the force with which you left your chair. The way you threw yourself at Seungcheol forced him back, but you took the opportunity and placed yourself in his lap as you kissed him deeply. It took him half a second to respond, but then he was kissing you so ardently that you never wanted him to stop.

His arm wrapped around you from behind and pressed you to his chest. You could not give less of a shit that he was sprawled on your kitchen floor, or that you were down there with him, because you were kissing him. You were kissing the man that you most definitely had been in love with since you were a teenager, and fuck did it feel good.

“I, uh, take it you feel the same, then?” he asked after having reluctantly pulled away. You pressed your forehead to his.

“I bet that I have loved you longer.” You were breathing heavily, already missing the feeling of his lips on yours.

“Absolutely not,” he replied before kissing you again.

This time, you couldn’t hold back. You nibbled gently on his lower lip before soothing it over with your tongue. Seungcheol groaned deep in his chest and brought his left hand into your hair, pressing you even closer to him. He opened his mouth, letting your tongue tangle with his, and you felt the way he became jelly underneath you. You were not faring much better, your panties hot and sticky and your hands shaking. Despite this, you snaked one hand into his hair and tugged on it; his hips jumped in response, the action seemingly completely involuntary. You didn’t think you’d ever experienced anything hotter.

“Please, baby,” he heaved as you trailed your lips down his neck, “I can’t take it.”

You rolled your hips against his slowly, and that seemed to be his breaking point. He rolled you underneath him before standing up and taking you with him, carrying you into your bedroom while you followed the shape of his jaw up to his ear with your mouth. A shudder streaked through him as you sucked on the spot behind his left ear, his arms tightening around you and a hoarse moan leaving him.

You barely noticed him closing your bedroom door, only brought back to reality by the sensation of falling when he dropped you on your bed. You whined at the loss of contact, which made him smile; he loved the way you craved him, because honestly, he felt the exact same way about you. So he was quick to cover your body with his, his lips back on yours with a shuddered sigh from the both of you.

He felt so big above you, and yet you felt so safe. Not once had he done anything to hurt you. In fact, he had always been the one to take care of you and prevent you from being hurt. (Along with Sua, but you didn’t really want to think about her at that moment). His weight on top of you made you shudder in delight, your hands starting to wander. You played with the hem of his white t-shirt, still damp from the earlier bathroom catastrophe, but you didn’t care at all. All you wanted was to feel his skin against yours.

He was breathing as if he had run a marathon when he pulled away from your lips. He stared into your eyes, looking for any sign of reluctance, but not finding any.

“Are you sure, darling?” he asked, and your heart swelled about three sizes.

“I’m so sure, Cheol. Please, please, I need you.” You were properly whining now, but you were far past caring.

“Okay baby, okay,” he breathed, pulling away to get his shirt up and over his head. He was about to lay back over you, but froze and let his eyes wander your body. He shut his eyes, his forehead wrinkling once again as he took a few deep breaths. “You in my hoodie and underneath me, I can’t- Y/N, baby, I need a second, I’m so-”

You giggled a little before grabbing the hem of said hoodie, pulling it up and over your head. Apparently, that didn’t help, as Seungcheol’s grip on the sheets tightened and he cursed under his breath.

“I thought this would be better,” you said in confusion, blinking up at him.

“I’m actually going to die,” he gritted out, sounding as if he was genuinely in pain. “I don’t think you realize what seeing you in a wet t-shirt did to me earlier, sweetheart. What it’s doing to me now is just torture.” You flushed at his words, having forgotten that little detail. “Wait. Is that my shirt?” You glanced down and flushed even more when you realized it must be. “Fuck, gonna be the death of me, gonna fucking-”

He cut himself off by pressing his lips against yours again. Your head immediately got fuzzy again, the only thought you could formulate being that of his dick inside of you. When he ground his hips against yours and you felt the outline of it, you let out the most sinful moan Seungcheol has ever heard, which caused his hips to keep grinding into you without his brain’s permission. You disconnected your lips from his for just long enough to pull your wet shirt off your alarmingly hot body, and the man on top of you didn’t even have the strength to look at you without a shirt. He might actually have came in his pants if he did.

You didn’t even mind, because you finally had his skin pressed against yours. The heat of him poured over you, driving you absolutely insane and making you whimper against his lips. If he didn’t do something in the next minute, you would just have to take care of yourself.

“Cheol-”

“Please say it again,” he begged, his lips trailing down your neck toward your breasts.

“Cheol,” you sighed, and he moaned against your skin, his dick grinding perfectly against your clit even through four layers of fabric. You barely recognized your own sounds even as you felt them leave your lips, so high on his proximity you couldn’t have produced a thought if you tried.

When you repeated his name one more time he finally closed his lips around your right nipple, his deft fingers playing with the other and his cock still pressing deliciously against your pussy. Your hips lifted to grind back on him, and he actually whined for you.

“Seungcheol,” you whined, and his only response was a harsh thrust of his hips and another whine. “Please, take my shorts off, I need you to fuck me so bad.”

He let go of your nipple, chuckling as he looked into your eyes and dragged his hands down to rest on your hips. “Want these off?” he asked, flicking the elastic of your bike shorts against your skin. You nodded frantically, pressing your hips up into his again. He looked like he wanted to protest, so you decided to do the only logical thing and beg for his cock.

“Cheol, please please please, take my shorts off? I need it, please,” you begged, your eyes big and innocent as you stared into his. “I want your cock, baby, want it inside me, please.”

Honestly, it was no surprise that his confident facade crumbled along with his will to tease you any longer. If he was telling the truth, and you had no reason not to believe him, he had been in love with you for a long time. You had played dirty by begging him for his cock when he had already been on the verge of losing his mind - especially with those big, innocent eyes of yours. How was he supposed to say no to you?

“Evil, evil woman, fuck,” he muttered to himself as he all but tore the shorts down your legs along with your panties.

The sight of you, his absolute dream, naked beneath him made him believe in God for two whole seconds, for who could have accomplished something like you but an almighty deity? He must have shaped you with his own two hands, he thought, before coming back to his senses and thinking that no, you were a creation of your own. No one but you could have accomplished something like you.

With very little preamble, Seungcheol lowered himself between your thighs, kissing up the inside of each thigh as he went. He looked up and met your gaze, and you had never seen a more erotic sight. Sure, other people had gone down on you before, but none of them had been Seungcheol; none of them had been the one that counted. His big brown eyes met yours, and you swore you saw raw hunger in them.

“May I, baby? Please?”

“You- You’re begging to eat me out?” you asked, in complete and utter shock. You had figured this was somewhat of a chore to him, something that needed to be done both to woo you and to prep you for his cock. One look at his glazed eyes had you changing your mind.

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. His voice was hoarse and his eyes desperate, that simple look giving you enough material for many fantasies in the future. “Please, let me eat you out?”

What were you supposed to do, say no? Absolutely not. You simply nodded at him, and he fucking dove for it. His tongue explored your folds gently but firmly, and as soon as the flavor of you met his taste buds, he was in heaven. His hips ground into the mattress of their own volition as he was lapping at you, his tongue mapping you out and figuring out what brought you the most pleasure.

Seungcheol’s eyes were shut in pleasure, your juices covering his chin all the way up to his nose, but he couldn’t think of anything better. He wanted to drown in you, on his stomach between your legs, or - if he was allowed to dream - underneath you while you were grinding all over his face, taking all the pleasure you could from him.

You weren’t exactly complaining, either. His tongue felt divine, moving to gently circle your clit before he sucked it into his mouth. When your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging in pleasure, your lover let out a grunt that sent vibrations traveling through your entire body.

“F-Fingers, Cheol, please-”

He just grunted an affirmative and pressed his middle finger into you slowly. The warmth surrounding his finger drove him insane, making his hips press harder against the mattress and his eyes squeeze tighter. Having something to clench down on brought your pleasure to even greater heights, and you started to feel the familiar tightening signaling your release. You had felt the outline of his dick earlier, and you knew you would need another finger to make him fit.

“Another, I need you to fit later, baby.”

Your voice came out shaky, but the man consuming your pussy like it was the best meal he’d ever had didn’t seem to mind. He simply let his ring finger join his other inside you, grunting when he felt how tight you were around him. The tightening in your lower belly grew more and more intense by the second, the filthy noises of Seungcheol devouring you bringing you that much closer to the edge. You let out a mewl that sounded like it came straight from a porno, and felt his grip tighten on your thigh.

“I’m so close, baby, so close, please-”

“Come for me,” he growled hoarsely before resuming his delicious torture of your clit.

You followed his request a second later, moaning loudly and squirming around on the bed. His free hand pressed down over your hips to keep you still as he coaxed you through it, and he didn’t stop until the overstimulation almost hurt.

His fingers left your pussy gently, absolutely covered in your slick. You blushed as he put them in his mouth, moaning at the flavor as if you were the best thing he’d ever tasted. And to him, you were. He would remember the flavor of you until the day he died.

Your chest was rising and falling as you gulped down air. The way Seungcheol couldn’t help but grind into the mattress again made you want to cry, because how could he be so perfect? And how could he want you, of all people?

When he kissed you again, you could taste yourself on his lips and tongue, and you loved it. It was a reminder of just how voraciously he had just eaten you out, and you took the opportunity to reach down and cup him over his underwear. He hissed and pulled his hips back, panting already.

“I- you can’t.”

“But, baby I just want to return the favor-”

“My love, if you touch me again I can’t guarantee that I will have faculties to be inside you.”

His words made you laugh, both because of how ridiculous his phrasing was, but also because of the effect you seemed to have on him. Had he really been driven so far by making out with you and making you cum? It seemed like it.

“I love you so much,” you ended up breathing out. He gazed into your eyes so adoringly you felt like time stopped again.

“I love you more, Y/N.”

His response prompted you to kiss him, and he deflated on top of you. As he sunk further into your embrace, his still-covered dick brushed against your wet core, and the whine he let out was almost pathetic.

“I hate to ruin the moment, but please, let me be inside you now. I think I’ll die if I can’t,” he confessed. You laughed out loud again before nodding, kissing and sucking a trail down his neck while he removed his boxers. “Condom?”

“I don’t have any, but I have an IUD and I’m clean.” You could practically see Seungcheol’s brain grind to a halt. “But, I mean, if you don’t want to we can just wai-”

“No!” he almost yelled, his entire face flushing pink. “No, I’m clean too, and I- fuck, I would love to be inside you without a condom.”

You nodded, and he took a deep breath. The thought of having him inside you without a barrier excited you to no end, and it seemed he felt the same. You kissed him passionately again while he lined himself up with your core, and moaned through a sigh as he pushed into you. He didn’t have a monster cock or anything, but it was still bigger than what you were used to taking.

As he bottomed out, he let out a punched out sigh. You could feel him shaking on top of you, and did your best not to move or clench down on him. Unfortunately, your pussy didn’t exactly obey you and clenched down anyway. It made Seungcheol’s breath hitch, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight so as not to look at you while he was trying not to cum.

“I swear,” he wheezed, “you are going to kill me.”

His words made you chuckle, which in turn made him groan and bury his face in the crook of your neck. You were ready for him to move, and told him as much, but he still needed a second. You could feel tears sting the corners of your eyes, as per usual feeling weepy as soon as you felt a big wave of emotion. To distract yourself, you locked your lips with his and kissed him with all the passion you had left to give.

As your tongue tangled with his he groaned low in his throat, and his hips thrust into you of their own accord. Once he had started, he couldn’t stop, and you didn’t want him to. He started out fairly slow, taking his time to make sure you weren’t hurting at all. Then you accidentally clenched down on him, and he could no longer hold back.

He started pounding into you, his cock reaching the deepest parts of you and making you dizzy. You moaned out every time the tip of him hit the spongy spot inside you, and you couldn’t help the way you were clenching around him. You were hurtling toward your end so fast it was almost alarming. He filled you up so perfectly, so perfectly thick and long, it was as if you were made for one another.

Seungcheol was mumbling an endless stream of praise, grunting every time your cunt squeezed him a bit tighter. He felt like he was in heaven, your slick walls molded around him in a way that made him mourn the time spent doing anything other than this. He wanted to keep you like this, impaled on his cock and making you feel as good as you ever had.

Sadly, he was so wound up he wouldn’t be able to last as long as he usually did. While he didn’t blow immediately as he had been worried he would, he started feeling his balls drawing up around five minutes in. The way your nails were scratching down his back wasn’t helping his situation.

In an effort to save himself from cumming before you, he lowered a hand to circle the nub of your clit gently. The extra stimulation was exactly what you needed to build the rest of the way to the edge, and you tangled your hands in his hair as your thighs shook.

“Please, Cheol, baby, I’m gonna-”

“Oh thank God, please cum around me, baby, wanna feel it,” he begged, and it did the trick.

Your orgasm was spectacular, your entire body feeling like it was on fire as you exploded around him. You were moaning his name, clawing at his back and arching your back to the high heavens. Your toes actually curled. It was the orgasm of orgasms.

Seeing you like that, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he brought you pleasure was enough for Seungcheol to follow you over the edge. He came so hard he saw nothing but white, his hips stuttering as he spilled himself into you. His face was pressed into your neck, but his moans could not be concealed even if he tried.

You both lay there, panting and soaked in sweat, for a pretty long time before he finally pulled out and rolled off of you. He sprawled on his back and stayed like that, his eyes shut in complete and utter bliss and his heart beating out of his chest. Your hair was an absolute bird’s nest around you, and there were tear tracks running down your cheeks and into your hairline.

You clumsily flopped over to rest against his side, and he pulled you in until your head was resting right over his heart. You slung your bare leg over his waist, and he groaned in what sounded like agony.

“You can’t do this to me,” he whined, and you giggled lightly at him.

“I just put my leg on you, baby,” you said, looking up at him innocently, and he had to shut his eyes for a second and remind himself he wasn’t dreaming. You, yourself weren’t entirely convinced all this wasn’t a dream; and if it was, you never wanted to wake up.

“Okay, well you’ve just seen what seeing you in a hoodie and bike shorts does to me, so,” he reminded you, and you bit back a grin. It was good to know you could tease him easily.

You laid in silence for a while, just listening to his heart beating against his ribcage. Every once in a while it would slow down, and then he would look down at you and it would speed back up. Your heart seemed to match the pace of his, and you found that you loved it that way.

“So, “ Seungcheol started, and you pulled yourself up on your elbow to look at him as he talked. “That… just happened.” You snorted into a laugh, and he joined you, flicking your forehead gently. “I uh, I’m going to a work thing on Friday. I usually don’t bring a date because, well, because I’m usually single, but maybe, this time, I could bring you?”

You blinked at him slowly, admiring him in the light from your bedside lamp. He was pretty no matter what, but with his cheeks glowing and his eyes glittering, he was beyond what was natural, in your opinion. You stroked a bit of his hair behind his ear and hummed.

“I mean, are you not single anymore?” you asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Uhhhh-” he was interrupted by your laughter, and he pouted at you jokingly. “Don’t do that! I get scared I fucked up,” he said and rolled over to wrap his arms around you.

“I’m sorry,” you giggled, “I just don’t know either.” You paused. “Hey Cheol?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

At your words, his entire face lit up. He started giggling and buried his face in your hair, trying to hide from view. Even still, you knew he would be blushing. His arms squeezed tighter around you as he pulled you even closer, and you didn’t even mind that you couldn’t breathe.

“I was going to ask,” he ended up whining once brain function had returned to him. “Can I?”

“I mean, sure?” you answered, trying your hardest not to just lean in and kiss away his pout. Your willpower sucked, so you did it anyway.

“Great! Hey, Y/N, would you be my girlfriend?”

You bit your lip to hold in your laughter, but all it did was summon your boyfriend’s gaze to your mouth. You released it and broke out into a huge grin, nodding.

“I would love nothing more.”

“So what you’re saying is,” Sua said thoughtfully, “you finally put him out of his misery?”

It was a week later, and you were sitting on your balcony with Sua and drinking coffee. The bathroom floor was now dry, and while the stupid bath mat had been unsalvageable, everything else had been fine. The apartment management had gotten the leak fixed after five days, proving that calling Seungcheol had been the right choice for more reasons than one.

Even thinking about him, you couldn’t help but smile. Your boyfriend. The one who had brought you to a work function as your first date, and the one who had gotten jealous because you had greeted a coworker of his when he was getting you a drink. The one that had helped you save your apartment from water damage. The one you had loved for the past decade.

“Okay but how could I have put him through misery if I didn’t know he liked me, hm?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at your friend. She had her eyes closed, face turned toward the sun like an old lady.

“You cannot be serious,” she said incredulously, turning toward you and opening her eyes wide to show her shock. “You’re telling me you didn’t know Cheol was in love with you? He has been so down bad for you since we were like fourteen, man. He bought you flowers for your graduation. He reminded you to take your allergy pills before going to a dog café.” You flushed a little at your own blindness, but Sua just sighed and turned back toward the sun, her eyes closed again. “At least it will be easy to kill him if he hurts you.”

a/n: if you liked this, please don't forget to like and reblog! <3

masterlist

[no-144444]

his disgraced pop princess- (o.piastri 81)

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-------------------

summary: oscar is there for you through your first real GP weekend

pairing: oscar piastri (no.81) x singer! reader

warnings: cyberbullying ans slut shaming

-------------------

Oscar Piastri was nervous. It had been two days since he first met you, and now it had been 4 hours since he last texted you. Beside him, Logan was scrolling on his own phone, still making fun of Oscar’s ‘awful puppy-love’, as he called it. It wasn’t awful, just slightly overboard. You two had been texting non-stop since the race, and he was enjoying it. You were funny, sweet, and probably just busy, right? 

Oscar: Doing anything else today? I’m stuck training all day. 

Oscar: Studio…? 

Oscar: I think the fans need new music (it’s me, I’m fans)

-------------------

You were anxious. It had been two days since you met Oscar ‘perfect’ Piastri, and now he’d texted you multiple times while you were busy being on a plane. Beside you in the Uber, was Hallie, your best friend, texting her new mystery boy and laughing at your freak out over not texting him back. You two had been texting non-stop since the race, and you loved it. He was asking all the right questions, he was funny, he was so supportive of you going up against Charles, and evidently, a screenager. 

“I feel bad!” you groaned as you tried to type something out, but nothing seemed good enough. 

“You were on a plane, what was he expecting, a carrier pigeon?” she chuckled. “He’ll survive without texting you for 4 hours, calm down.”

“What do I say?”

She rolled her eyes. “Give me the damn phone.”

You: Sorry I was on a plane and their carrier pigeon network was down. Oops :)

“He is diabolical,” she laughed. “Immediate response, does he not have a life?”

You rolled your eyes and snatched back the phone. “Shut up!”

Oscar: Too bad, I was hoping you were busy making new music :(

You: Well, I’d need inspiration for that and that is the one thing I don’t have. Well, that and people that like me and want to listen to my music.

Oscar: :( 

Oscar: What are you doing today?

Y/n: Lawyers, seeing Charles, helping put the case together and finishing up the legal side of my split from the band. Aka boring as fuck :)

Oscar: Good luck seeing Charles again, I hope it isn’t too bad.

Oscar: Whenever we’re on the same continent again we should meet up for dinner :)

Y/n: Sounds like a plan, and thank you. Good luck with training today :)

“You two deserve each other. You’re equally as cheesy,” Hallie rolled her eyes. 

“It’s not cheesy to like someone,” you scoffed, getting out of the car. “You’re just alone.”

“Not anymore,” she chuckled. 

“Shut up!” you cheered. “Who?”

She smirked. “Tell you later.”

You rolled your eyes. “You suck.”

“I’ll see you later,” she called as she walked off. You were left standing alone. Before walking in, you took a deep breath and willed yourself not to burst into tears. 

-------------------

“It’s defamation!” Charles shouted, making you jump. Everything he did was making you jump. You hadn’t realised how badly everything had affected you until today. You were jumpy, you felt sick, you weren’t sleeping, you weren’t there mentally. 

“No, you’ve defamed Ms. Y/l/n’s reputation,” your lawyer calmly pointed out. 

You wanted it to stop, you wanted everything to stop. You wanted to go back to Sunday and relive the race over and over again. You wanted to be with Lewis again, with Toto again, with Oscar again. You desperately wanted to feel safe. 

Your lawyer was good, and you knew you’d win the case against Charles no matter what, but cleaning up the band would be a big undertaking. You’d always been the one to sign documents for all of them, so that they could pull out at any time. That now meant that you were technically the owner of the name of the band, the licensing rights, the songs, and the money you’d all already made. You were hitting them where it hurts, and you were taking it all. If they wanted to push you out, you’d push them right back. 

“Y/n, come on. It’s all of our band, and we deserve our name, at least,” your brother, Alex, begged. Up to last week you would’ve done anything for him. Now, he was fucking dead to you. 

“You can keep one thing,” you answered, not even looking at them. They prematurely celebrated and thanked you, but you held up a hand to silence them. “You can keep your instruments. I’ll take everything else.”

The room erupted into shouting, from every member of the band. You just got up and walked away. The meeting was over. You had it all. 

-------------------

BREAKING NEWS! WINGS BAND MEMBER Y/N Y/L/N DELETES INSTAGRAM, IS SEEN WITH F1 DRIVER OSCAR PIASTRI,  AND IS PHOTOGRAPHED LEAVING A LAW FIRM!

The 22 year old singer, Y/n Y/l/n is fresh into the scene of being a solo artist after being dropped by her band ‘WINGS’. This weekend she was seen around the Silverstone paddock with long-time friend and possible boyfriend, Lewis Hamilton. Shockingly, the newly crowned ‘Queen of Homewrecking’ is also sticking her nose into another man, Australian driver Oscar Piastri. The pair were seen walking together in the paddock, looking quite close. We would advise him to steer clear of her mess if he was able… 

In another turn of events, Y/l/n decided to delete her entire Instagram page, as well as her Twitter, Tiktok, Threads, and all other social media accounts. While she has opted for a ‘social-media-break’, her close friends and family have not posted about her, but some more famous friends have, including Lewis Hamilton answering questions about her in an interview during the Media day of the British Gran Prix. When asked about his opinion on the band, he said this. 

“Y’know, half of the success of them (WINGS) was Y/n. She really pulled everything together and no one really sees that because she was so careful about showing people that. She never wanted anyone to feel like they (the rest of the band) weren’t 100% committed, because at that time, they were. It’s just sad how people turn on each other, especially after everything she’s done for them.”

And when asked about Charles O’Brien, he had this to say. 

“That pathetic piece of s**t can f**k off and get out of the paddock. There is no place for him here, on any stage, or anywhere in the world. He is a vile creature.”

In other news, she was seen exiting the Law firm, Cravath, Swaine & Moore this afternoon, and 40 minutes later, the rest of the ‘WINGS’ band was seen leaving, looking much more upset than her. 

Something tells us there might be more than meets the eye in this twisted tale…

-------------------

“Hey Y/n,” Oscar’s voice was music to your ears as you sat in your hotel room with dried tears on your cheeks. 

“Hi,” you answered, voice hoarse, just happy to not be alone anymore. 

“How did it go?” He asked, his voice softening. 

You scoffed. “As badly as I thought it would,” you sighed, defeated. “I just wish it would all stop.” 

“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” he sighed. “Charles is a special breed of dickhead.”

“So is the media,” you added. “Did you see the stuff everyone is writing about me? It’s awful-”

“I don’t read about you. I don’t need it anymore. I have the real you now, and that’s the you I’m interested in.” 

Oscar ‘perfect’ Piastri strikes again. 

Your lips broke into a smile. “Thanks Oscar.”

“I mean it. I don’t give a shit about the media, like at all,” he was smiling, you could tell. 

“I’m glad. If you did I don’t think this friendship could’ve worked very well,” you chuckled. “You seriously don’t care that I’m a ‘homewrecking slut’, according to everyone else?”

He chuckled. “Wouldn’t want you any other way.”

Your heart swelled. 

-------------------

It had been a few months, Oscar had gotten his first win, you’d wanted to personally kill Zak Brown, you’d gone through the beginnings of the court proceedings for the band things, and you’d finally filed a report against Charles. 

Now, you were in London on your way to Abbey Road Studios. New music for the first time in a few months. First time you’d sung in a few months. Oscar walked beside you, his head covered in a hat to remain inconspicuous. 

You stopped outside the door. Oscar took your hand and pushed the door open for you, then led you in. 

“You’re here for a reason,” he reminded you with a squeeze to the hand. 

The past few months had been emotional to say the least. Yet, Oscar had been there for you the entire time. He truly didn’t care about the press. He liked you. He liked you a lot. You liked him. You liked him a lot. But you two weren’t dating, right? You didn't really know. Friends didn't hold hands, or cuddle, and usually weren't there for you before you make the biggest leap of your life.

He stayed beside you as you walked through the building, getting the grand tour from an employee, only leaving you when you finally went in to record. 

“You’ve got this,” he whispered, holding you in a tight hug. Inside was your manager, Ursula, and your producer Axel. “I believe in you.”

And those 4 words gave you the courage to go in there and sing. 

You sat on the stool they had set up for you, headphones on as Axel droned on about something insignificant, and you brainstormed. You hadn’t even thought about writing for the past few months, despite Oscar trying to convince you that it would make you feel better. You couldn’t touch it. Though now, with no consequences, no one looking at you, no one interested, you reached for the guitar and strung a few cords. You thought about Charles, about the band, about Oscar. Then you thought about nothing.

“When I’m away from you, I’m happier than ever,” You sang, and then the words came flowing freely. 

Three hours later, you had an album on your hands. A good album. A great album. 

-------------------

“You did it,” Oscar smiled as you stepped out of the studio. “Write anything?”

“I think I like you. Like, like like you,” you confessed. He smiled. 

“Good,” he answered. 

“Excuse me?” you scoffed. “I just said-”

He pressed his lips to yours softly, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I’ve like like-d you since the day we met. I’m glad we’re on the same page now.”

You stared at him in shock for a moment, then a smile spread across your face. “You’re such an asshole.”

He chuckled. “I didn’t want to rush you,” he shrugged. “Anyway, write anything?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, handing him a CD. “One of two in the world, don’t lose it.”

His eyes lit up, a big smile on his face. “Is this the perks of being Y/n Y/l/n’s boyfriend? Exclusive insight into new music?”

“Calling yourself my boyfriend?” you quirked an eyebrow, smiling. 

“Oh baby, I’ve called myself your boyfriend for the past 2 months, I’m not stopping now,” he smiled, and your heart could’ve melted.

You chuckled. "Always the charmer Piastri."

He smirked, then something behind his eyes changed, and he started blushing. He was about to ask you something important. “Come to Monza with me? Please?”

You rolled your eyes. “Only because you asked so nicely.”

-------------------

You touched down in Italy in Max’s private jet. You’d spent the afternoon getting to know him, Kelly, and Penelope, who’d taken a significant liking to you. The flight had been great, you’d never been on a jet before and it was as luxurious and comfortable as you’d imagined. Another part of the journey that was comfortable was Oscar letting you lay on him the entire time. You two were new but it looked like you’d been together forever. It felt like it too. It felt like he saw you. The real you. And he wasn’t scared or disgusted, or anything else that your brain told you he’d be. He was just Oscar. 

You left the jet, the perks of flying in the middle of the night meant that no fans were waiting for you outside. You didn’t need to add more flames to the fire of his insane life. You wanted to keep your ‘scandals’ to yourself and to just let him race. 

He gave your hand a squeeze to pull you back into the moment. “You alright?”

You nodded. “I’m ok, just nervous about this weekend.”

“You don’t need to be nervous, you don’t even have to leave my driver’s room if you don’t want to. I just… I wanted you here.”

“I want to be here,” you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I want to be around you.”

Even though it was dark, you could see the blush on his cheeks. 

-------------------

Media day began as it always did, walking into the paddock with about a hundred cameras on him. Only this time, the hundred cameras were pointed at him and you, more specifically, you two holding hands. It wasn't even a conscious thing you did. You just took his hand to try and calm yourself down. You liked how he gently brushed his thumb against the back of your hand, you liked how he would squeeze your hand every now and then, and you liked how he led you through the sea of reporters with a simple smile, and a firm hold.

When you got to the McLaren motorhome, you and Oscar parted ways with a quick kiss and a promise of lunch together. You decided to join Alex Dunne, one of McLaren's development drivers and a current F3 driver for a track walk and interview. You two chatted and laughed, getting on really well. The weather was sweltering, so you went back inside to meet Lando and Oscar for lunch.

"Y/n!" Lando smiled, running up to you.

"Hey Lan," you greeted, hugging him back as he engulfed you in one of his bear-hugs.

"How are you?" he asked, pulling back.

"All good thanks, you?"

"Fine," he shrugged, then turned his attention to Oscar and you. He smirked. "Has he asked you out yet?"

You chuckled, nodding. "He has."

"My ship has sailed!" He cheered.

"What? You have a boat?" Oscar questioned, as you and Lando laughed.

The rest of the day went well, only being bombarded with cameras every now and then, and somehow, whenever they found you, Oscar came right along to take you away. You appreciated the concern from him, and it definitely took the edge off some of the comments people made, especially the internet. Who knew you and Oscar would be such big news? Big news that hadn't even been confirmed, at that.

-------------------

After lunch, Oscar was forced into more press, this time, they decided to ask about you. You watched on from the McLaren hospitality as the interviewer said some choice words about you.

"So, you were seen earlier entering the paddock with Y/n Y/l/n, yes?"

"Yes," Oscar replied.

"You two were holding hands," she pointed out.

"There was a swarm of reporters, I didn't want to leave her behind," he shrugged. You quickly realised that you hadn't talked about whether or not you wanted to tell the media bout your budding relationship.

"So you aren't dating Y/n 'home-wrecker' Y/l/n?"

Oscar's face fell into a frown. "Her middle name is Y/m/n, not home-wrecker, and yes, I'm her boyfriend."

With that he moved on, leaving the interviewer shocked and defeated.

-------------------

navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

[lurking-loaf]

Thank you for the tag, Pom! I do love any excuse to ramble a bit. I'm actually going to tag some folks this time: @rambunctioustoons, @trenchcoat-full-of-snails, @itsmuffiiee, @sulfadimethoxine, @aerknight, @amarynthian-chronicles, plus anybody else who’d like to do this. (these are no pressure of course and sorry for the duplicate tags for some of you, I was very slow to write this up and other folks beat me to it but I still wanted to include you here) also answers are below the cut to keep the post organized

What is your favorite color? Yellow! A byproduct of my previous interest, it's funny that it's relevant to my current one as well.

Describe the aesthetic of your favorite kind of jester. Cards on the table, having any sort of interest in jesters is a new thing for me, so the closest I can come up with is little critters (opossums, rats, raccoons, suburban wildlife basically) in ruffs and bright colors and cone hats. I know this is more clown aesthetic, but I find drawings of those little guys very cute.

Tell me an animal fun fact you think is particularly neat Golden moles (Amblysomus hottentotus) have eyes that are non-functional and covered by furred skin.

What is/was your favorite toy? A plush toy sheep named Baa from my childhood. Well, formerly plush, what's left of the poor thing's white fur (wool) has turned grey and is worn down to the base fabric, which is also grey now. One of the legs has nearly fallen off and there is a hole in the back. Basically, it is very much beloved. A prime example of the "to be loved is to be changed" phrase associated with that one Garfield plush. I still find great comfort in this toy to this day.

What is your favorite word? I like the word critter. I'm one, I'm friends with several and you just know you're in for a treat when an animal gets called that. Plus it's fun to say. Runner up word is folks given how I tend to address groups of people as such.

What is a line, section, or snippet you've written that you're particularly pleased with/proud of? Since I haven’t posted any creative writing online and I’m in the rough draft stage of the thing I’m currently attempting, I unfortunately cannot answer this one.

Favorite non-real creature? Since cryptids are on the list I'm going to say the Fresno Nightcrawler. I love how silly those are in comparison to the more mysterious, better known ones like Bigfoot or Mothman. Also, I'd be remiss to not support the somewhat local wildlife!

Making my own silly tag game

Normal tag games don't have the questions I think are really important, so here are exactly seven questions I actually care about.

What is your favorite color?

Describe the aesthetic of your favorite kind of jester. If you cannot vividly imagine a jester dancing in your head, describe any silly little guy that so strikes your interest.

Tell me an animal fun fact you think is particularly neat

What is/was your favorite toy, either from childhood or now?

What is your favorite word? You are entirely allowed to list multiple if too many are just so good, let's hear all your best words.

What is a line, section, or snippet you've written that you're particularly pleased with/proud of?

Favorite non-real creature? (Includes cryptids, fantasy creatures, mythical beasts, yokai, original species, monster, any creature that isn't real but still makes you go "Oh, this one is neat")

@ your pals to politely request they tell you these fun things about themselves via reblog. @ as many people as you want. @ no one. @ yourself. @ an image of a funny horse. There are no rules here.

I will tag some of my pals here :) @venomous-qwille @eyndr-stories @writing-forever @aviul @ohno-the-sun @pillowspace @kc-wilson-art

[subcultureblues]

Don't You Want Me (Baby?) Pt 4

———

Steve and Eddie are either hooking up or dating - and are about as bad at keeping a secret as they are dealing with their feelings. (Dustin POV)

1 / 2 / 3 / 4

———

“I don’t know Dustybuns…. I know you mean well but - “

“But? I mean well, but what?”

“But sometimes, well sometimes you get these ideas in your head. And really once you think you’re right, there’s just no convincing you otherwise. I just wonder if maybe - you don’t have a full picture of what’s going on with those two.”

“Seriously? They’re my friends, Suzie. I think I understand them just fine. I mean it’s not thermal dynamics. And even that, I’ve got an understanding of the basic fundamentals!”

———

When Dustin got home that night he blew through his homework within the hour. He’s a sophomore - advanced placements even! Still, the work they’re giving out this year is child’s play.

He grazed on snacks until he was slightly less bored. Read the X-Men issue that came out this week - guess Jean Grey alive again. Wonder how long that’ll last…

He tried calling the Wheeler house to see what Mike was up to but he was out, over at Will’s apparently. He tried Lucas after that but he couldn’t really talk since he’d had to put Max on hold just to pick up.

Dustin had to kill a few more hours but eventually he was able to get on the radio with Suzie. Hearing her voice - it’s like seeing the clouds part and the sun light up the sky. Never really gets old.

“That! That tramp!” She said, when Dustin told her about the Flower Situation.

“Right!?” Dustin huffed.

He told Suzie he planned to give Steve a serious talking to, even though Robin had kinda, sorta expressly asked against it. To Dustin’s shock, however, Suzie took Robin’s side.

“I don’t know Dustybuns…. I know you mean well but - “

“But? I mean well, but what?”

“But sometimes, well sometimes you get these ideas in your head. And really once you think you’re right, there’s just no convincing you otherwise. I just wonder if maybe - you don’t have a full picture of what’s going on with those two.”

“Seriously? They’re my friends, Suzie. I think I understand them just fine. I mean it’s not thermal dynamics. And even that, I’ve got an understanding of the basic fundamentals!”

“Oh, Dusty…. Oop. I hear footsteps downstairs.” She whispered. “I think they’re doing a bed check. I gotta go.”

“Bye Suzie. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He could hear her smiling through the crackling radio transmission. Even from this many miles away he couldn’t help but smile back. Suzie paused. “And Dusty, just - be careful. Promise?”

Her line cut out. Dustin switched off the ham radio and frowned. Usually Suzie was so smart. Literally the smartest person he knows. How is it possible she couldn’t see that his friends were in dire need of help?

No way was he gonna abandon them to make a mess of things by themselves.

Though. Maybe there was something he was missing. Some unknown element.

Earlier today… Eddie seemed to know more than he was letting on. Dustin frowned harder.

He creeped downstairs to the landline. Wayne’s at work and Eddie’s a nightwalker so he didn’t feel bad about calling at almost 9pm. He didn’t even feel bad about calling four separate times.

He shook his head when he was sent to voicemail again. He put the phone back in the receiver.

Dustin huffed.

Only then he remembered - the walkie talkie. It had ended up in Eddie’s trailer after the whole Vecna fiasco… Dustin never did get it back. In fact, he’d totally forgotten about it. And if Dustin forgot about it, Eddie definitely had too.

“Eddie. It’s Dustin. Come in, Eddie. Over.”

It took a few tries but eventually he heard a crackly - “sus Christ, how does this thing work, again?”

“Eddie!”

“Dustin?” Eddie said, deadly serious. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you home right now, over?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Dustin waited.

“Yes, I’m home. Over.”

“Then why the hell aren’t you picking up the damn phone?” Dustin said. “Over.”

“I uh - must be off the line or something.”

“Whatever, look I just got a few questions about - “

“Dustin! Is the world ending right now this exact second or what?”

“No but - “

“Jesus…”. Eddie sighed in relief. Then he muttered, “The last thing I need right now is The Monster-pocalypse Part 2 : Electric Boogaloo.”

“We are well past that by now. Gotta be on the fourth or fifth straight to TV sequel at least.”

“Well whatever it is, it can wait. I gotta a lot of - I got enough shit going on right now.”

“You know, you’ve been pulling that card a lot recently.”

“Tell me about it.” To Eddie’s credit, he did sound stressed out. “Anyway - if this is about D&D, sessions canceled tomorrow.”

“Wait, what?” Immediately switching course, Dustin’s thoughts of Steve vanished like smoke.

“Yeah, sorry. Jeff was gonna tell you guys tomorrow at school. There’s this bar in town, their Friday gig canceled on them. Unlucky for them, our merry band of metalheads were the only ones they could find to fill the time slot on short notice.”

“What? Eddie that’s awesome!”

“Yeah, fucking big place too. Me and the boys are there a lot when we’re in the area - The Squeaky Wheel down in Indie. Probably gonna be the biggest crowd we’ve ever played for.”

“Well, I’m definitely coming then.”

“You’re definitely not. We need to be there early. Leaving for town 2pm, sharp.”

“Jeff won’t still be in school?”

“Not if he cuts last period he won’t.”

“Well, what if I - “

“Are you kidding?” Steve’ll fucking kill me.”

“But I still haven’t seen you guys perform for real yet!”

“Maybe next time, little man. Look I gotta go, I’ve been trying to actually get some fucking sleep and having the phone going off all night really isn’t helping.”

“I thought you said it was off the line?”

“Huh? Right, yeah.”

“Nevermind that. You nervous?”

“So fucking nervous I feel like I’m gonna puke or something. Just like, go full exorcist. All over the stage.”

“Ok yeah, don’t do that.” Dustin suggested.

“Hah. Yeah.” Eddie chuckled.

“Come on, you guys are amazing! You’re gonna be great!”

“No, you’re right. It’s gonna be good.” Eddie said, clearly trying to psyche himself up.

“Well, I guess good luck. Over and out.”

“Break a leg you mean. Over and out.”

Dustin sat there fiddling with his walkie for a long couple minutes. There was something kicking around in his brain. A plan, formulating. Even Dustin himself was shocked by its elegant efficiency.

Get to see Corroded Coffin perform? Check. Bring a mob of Eddie’s friends out to support him? Check. Finally get a chance to meet this super secret girlfriend (because who would miss their boyfriend’s bands biggest show yet?) Check! And he can get Robin and Steve on a fun night out together and hopefully smooth over the ‘flower incident’? Check check check!

He tuned his walkie to the open line the party was synced into.

“Everybody, come in. It’s Dustin. We got a code blue which means all hands on deck. We’re going on a field trip…”

Dustin had spent the rest of Thursday night and Friday morning making sure everything was in perfect order.

He didn’t call until Friday, after he got confirmation from Max, the last person he was waiting on.

Only then did he call Steve.

“Corroded Coffin has a show tonight.” He said as soon as Steve picked up.

It was lunch hour and him, Mike, and Will were outside the school building standing around the pay phone. Lucas and Max were on a lunch table near by arm wrestling - those weirdo’s version of PDA.

“Hello to you too.” Steve said, vaguely amused.

“Hello. Corroded Coffin has a show tonight and we’re going.” Mike gave him a thumbs up and Will, an encouraging smile.

“Oh yeah?”

“And before you ask, yes we’ve gotten permission from our parents, yes we have a curfew but - we don’t have to be home till midnight, the bar is 16 and up, I called, itsallthewayinindianapolis but wait ok, before you say no - “

“What time are we leaving?” Steve said.

“I - really? That easy?” He glanced at Will and Mike who blinked at him with hesitant excitement.

“No. This… this is actually perfect.”

“Come on man. I had a whole - thing, prepared. I practiced for this. Flashcards! I made flashcards.”

“What time are we leaving?”

Dustin sighed.

“Six o’clock. If we leave Hawkins by then, we can get there twenty minutes before their show starts. Plenty of time to find parking and get into the venue. Were you wondering how everyone’s gonna fit in your car?”

“Yeah, sure.” Steve humored him.

Dustin flipped to the corresponding flash card. “They don’t have to.” He read verbatim. “I’ve already taken the time to ensure Jonathan could accompany us as well - also Joyce wouldn’t let Will come if he didn’t. Jonathan and Nancy are driving Will and Mike. You just have to grab me, Lucas, and Max. Leaving one seat open for you to bring a plus one.”

“Robin.” Steve said, impressed. “Very thorough.”

“I’ll see you at my house at 5:30 on the dot. We need to be on the road by 6. And Steve? Please try not to dress like a dork.”

Steve laughed.

“Funny how I could say the exact same thing.”

“Also don’t tell Eddie.” Dustin ordered. “It’s a surprise.”

“Dustin, you’re a genius...” Dustin could hear him grinning through the phone.

“I know, I meticulously organized everything down to the last detail.”

“Yeah, uh huh.” Steve said, distractedly. “Shit, ok, I gotta go - and shower pretty much right now if I want enough time to airdry my hair…“

“Well. That was easy.” He said, hanging up the phone rather anticlimatically.

“But he said yes?”

“Oh, we’re going!” Dustin confirmed.

———

Just a few hours later Steve’s Beemer sat on the street out front of Dustin’s house.

Dustin emerged from the house at 5:36 in a huff. He got a few steps before he remembered his mom was out and backtracked to lock up behind him.

HONK.

Dustin jumped, almost dropping his keys.

“I’m coming!” Dustin shouted over his shoulder. When he turned Steve was grinning at him, snickering to himself. He peered over his douche-glasses and gave Dustin a goofy little wave.

Dustin rolled his eyes and tugged at the car’s door handle. It didn’t budge. Steve hit the button for the passenger side window and Dustin was forced to wait for it to slowly roll down.

“Taxi to Indianapolis for a Mr. Henderson. Got the right address?”

“Open the door, Steve.”

“Sorry, I’m gonna need you to confirm the passphrase. Company policy.” He shrugged.

“Is it, we’re already running late so open the goddamn door?”

Steve rolled his eyes but unlocked the door so Dustin could finally get in already.

“And whose fault is that?” Steve asked as he started them down the road. Dustin huffed. He was still mad at Steve.

“Yours. You said you’d have Robin already - so now we’re behind schedule.”

“It was please by the way.” Steve glanced his way grinning as he turned on the radio. “Wanted to pick something you’d never in a million years guess.”

“Har har.” Dustin said, humorlessly as he buckled in. He eyed Steve. “You’re in a good mood.”

“I am.” Steve said, checking his hair in his review mirror and flashing himself a grin.

Dustin did a double take when he noticed - Steve was wearing Eddie’s vest. It definitely looked like it had been dragged through the Upside Down. But he had to admit the battle worn look suited it. To Dustin’s surprise, it kind of suited Steve too. He had a white T-shirt underneath, blue jeans, and red converse sneakers. His hair was tall and meticulously coiffed.

Dustin spent quite a while on his own hair tonight, though it wasn’t nearly as expertly styled. Never gonna beat the master at their own game right?

Dustin was glad Steve made an effort to blend at least. The rest of the party had too. Dustin was wearing a black tshirt with ‘Corroded Coffin’ painted in angular white lettering across the front. Dustin had made sure they all brought shirts to school today for Will to paint. He’s glad he put Will in charge of that because they actually came out pretty awesome.

“What’s up man?” Steve asked, taking off his sunglasses when he noticed Dustin’s sour face.

“How’s Robin?” Dustin asked pointedly.

“Uh, she’s fine, thanks.” Dustin glared at him, unimpressed.

“Uh huh.” He said shortly. There was a moment of silence before Steve spoke again.

“So uh, how’s Eddie?”

“Why do you care?” Dustin said.

“I don’t.” Steve shrugged. “Just makin’ conversation.” He said. There was another pause. Steve was drumming along to the radio on the steering wheel. “You guys have been hanging out a lot this week.”

How would Steve even know that?

“What? Did Robin tell you after we came by the store?” Steve looked over at him, as if confused by his antagonist tone.

“Uh, nope. I- “

“She knows about the flowers, Steve.” Dustin said. Steve squinted side long at him, opening his mouth and closing it again.

“Ok?” He said. Waiting for Dustin to continue. Dustin waited until they rolled to a stop at a stop sign.

“What the hell Steve!” Dustin said, smacking him in the arm.

“Hey! You what the hell.” Steve said, holding a palm up to shield himself from further abuse.

“I can’t believe you! I asked her how she liked the flowers you got her and she had no idea what I was talking about!”

“What? Ok, Jesus Christ. Dude, how many times do I have to tell you, we aren’t dating. It’s - it’s not like that, alright. We’re just - Robin’s my best friend.”

“Yeah well have you told her that? She seemed really hurt Steve.” Dustin scolded him.

“Man, I don’t know what you thinks going on but it’s not. I promise.”

“Just, talk to her ok?”

“What, suddenly your the love guru?” Steve huffed.

“Yes!” Dustin cried. “You have a really good thing, Steve. Don’t fuck this up. Have you guys even had an actual conversation about this shit? Like talked about what you guys are in plain words even once.”

Steve sighed, beleaguered. Steve stopped at a red light, fully turning to face Dustin. As if he thought looking him in the eye would better get his point across. Or more likely, finally get Dustin to shut up.

“I’m not having this conversation. You’re a kid, alright. You just don’t get it. You don’t always need to - spell everything out. We’re on the same page, trust me.”

“I don’t know Steve. That sounds like a really easy way for someone to get hurt.”

“I - “ Steve started but then he stopped himself. He paused for a moment, staring into space. The light turned green.

“Steve.” Dustin said, and Steve’s head jerked back up. “The light.”

“Yeah. Right.” He turned onto Lucas’ street.

“So you’ll talk to her?”

“God, is there a reason you have to be so nosey. Me and Robin have nothing to talk about. We are definitely on the same page.”

“Definitely?”

“Definitley.” He assured Dustin. Dustin continued to glare at him.

“Look, I’ll - “ Steve sighed, passing a hand through is hair before quickly checking it’s structural integrity in the mirror. “I’ll think about what you said ok?”

“You better.” Dustin huffed, trying to keep up his stone cold front at least a few seconds longer. “I don’t want to see you fuck this up. You seem, I dunno - happy? Or - whatever.”

Steve hummed, looking out at the road with a contemplative smile.

They stopped at Lucas’ house to grab him and Max, and then headed to Family Video.

“Dude, are you wearing Eddie’s vest?” Lucas said as he and Max climbed into the back seat. Lucas was wearing a matching Corroded Coffin shirt. Max was not. She’s too cool to participate in things.

“You know, just once you could say something like, hey Steve, thanks for the ride. Maybe? Just to keep things interesting.”

“Yeah did you really never give that back?” Max said, ignoring him.

“No, Eddie, he uh, told me to hold onto it.” Steve said, smiling and adjusting the collar in the mirror.

Max scoffed a little laugh, but kept her eyes out the window.

Next they went to pick Robin up from her late shift.

It took a few honks before Robin emerged from the building, calling “Thanks, Todd!” over her shoulder.

She crossed the parking lot, struggling to get into her denim jacket.

“Sorry it took so long Steve, I had to change in the bathroom and let me tell you, that little - “ she managed to crawl into her jacket, then halted when she looked up and saw Dustin in the front.

“You didn’t pick me up first.” She said, standing outside the passenger side door.

Steve shrugged half heartedly apologetic.

“Out of my seat, Gremlin’s 2.” She opened the door and jerked her head in a motion that made it clear she expected Dustin to clear out.

“Yeesh. Not even the original?” He said, reluctantly acquiescing and going to jam in with the others in the back.

Robin got into the car stared at Steve intently.

“You didn’t pick me up first.” She repeated. “I told you to come get me first.”

“I - yeah. The kids were closer. Didn’t want to waste time backtracking in case there’s traffic.”

“Pft. He was just running late.” Dustin said.

“I bet it was because he spent like, 2 hours doing his hair.” Max snorted.

“Alright, that’s enough - from the peanut gallery. Sorry, Robbie.” Robin frownedz. “Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite.”

“Why, what’s up?” Steve said, pulling out of the parking lot so they could finally get on the rode. It was already 6:07! The whole night was turning out to be a disaster.

“Nothing. Nothing. Just was hoping to chat.”

“I literally just called you.” Steve raised an eyebrow.

“Just - Nevermind.” She grimaced.

Dustin caught her eye in the rearview mirror and winked.

Her face paled in a mask of frustration and horror. A look that said, what did you do now, if Dustin’s ever seen one.

“Jesus Christ.” She murmured quietly.

“Hmm?” Steve titled his head towards Robin.

“Nothing!”

Reply (make sure to mention the TagList!) to get added

ALSO just as a little treat for me, comment w what the fuck YOU think is going on with Steddie. I Really wanna know if I’ve done a decent job conveying That Whole Mess via second hand subtext

Tag List : @reading-archieves @homoerotictangerine @bingbongsupremacy @aroseandherthorns-blog1 @wheneverfeasible @travelingtwentysomething @ineffable-monster-romancer @laughingphantoms @gregre369 @rawrx3ky-txt @thespaceantwhowrites @blcksh33p1987 @the-legal-shipper @maverickricky @i-amthepizzaman @pretend-theres-a-name-here @steddiefication @that-one-gay-crow @gleek4twd

@theintrovertedintrovert

@tinyplanet95 @queercrisis2003

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@blurryjoji @estrellami-1 @caraspud @little-trash-ghost @finalmoondragon

@samsoble @depressed-freak13

[mpchev]

Update on fanbinding dissertation: binding the dissertation itself!

After many days and nights of writing and wrangling footnotes and proofreading (where I couldn't convince my laptop that yes, I meant textualisation, not sexualisation), 'twas time to bind the beasts! In three copies, no less! Which I approached with way too much confidence from my one fanbind experience, and came with many fun little surprises due to the format guidelines I had to follow 🤡

This is going to be a long one, so here's my happy unfocused mug to confirm that it all ends well:

First pickle: The typesetting. I absolutely loved typesetting fanfic, but the dissertation had to be A4 (way less fun, boo-hoo), one-sided, with every page numbered. Did you know that LibreOffice won't let you add blank pages and only number the non-blank ones, without skipping numbers? In order to print signatures I could fold into one-sided pages, only numbered on the right-hand pages, I ended up switching to landscape orientation and including the equivalent of a blank page in the left margin.

Second pickle: The imposing, which I couldn't figure out using the amazing bookbinder with my weird landscape 2-page layout. I finally gave in and rearranged all the pages manually, which looked like p. 1 on the recto / p. 10 on the verso, then p2/p9, p3/p8, p4/p7, p5/p8, p6/p7. And because there was no way I was paying print-in-colour prices for all of this, I further split the manually imposed pages into two files, one for the greyscale printer (cheaper) and one for the colour printer (highway robbery). Still came up to ~£70, just for printing.

Very glad I went in chunks of 10 for the signatures, it made both the math and the folding using sheets from two different piles much easier, highly recommend (if for some absurd reason you also want to bind one-sided numbered pages in folded signatures).

Third pickle: Linear time. Had planned on having so much time to print and bind this thing, but kept writing and rewriting and proofing and oops! It was due in less than 24 hours and it was still not out of the laptop. So.

22/09/24, 6pm: Got to the library, started printing.

6.45pm: Found another printer where all the paper was the same shade of white, started printing again 🤦‍♂️ (kept the the misprints to use as scrap paper when glueing)

7.30pm: Started folding the 150 sheets of paper (3 x 100-page dissertation, 2 pages per sheet). Went from the last episode of The Magnus Protocol, to an episode of Welcome to Night Vale, to deciding restart The Magnus Archive, which felt almost poetic.

9pm: Headed back home, trimmed the edges (with a borrowed guillotine), folded the endpapers, stabbed everything. Lack of pictures to be blamed on my inability to mess with linear time, and the eventual sleep deprivation.

10.30pm, I think? Started sewing the signatures together, again with Supernatural (which I started rewatching when I submitted my first dissertation assignment in mid-May, and finished 2 days after submitting the dissertation itself, again, such poetry).

2am, probably? Tipped the endpapers and glued cheesecloth over the spines. Somehow figured out where to set the three textblocks to dry (I don't have a press). Sadly gave up on sewing on (or glueing) headbands, because time.

3am-ish: Cut the missing cover pieces out of millboard (had already cut 4 of 6 covers, since I knew it had to be A4), measured the spines of the three textblocks and cut those as well.

???am: Did some math, because sure, that's the right time for that. Cut the bookcloth to size, glued the cover pieces on the bookcloth. Remarkably only messed up the measurements on one of them! That means one of the copies has a millimetre of millboard showing in the inside corners of the back cover, but not enough time/bookcloth/millboard to redo it, onward we go!

Way past dawn: Took a break for food while the covers somewhat dried. Cased the three textblocks in the three covers, with the endpapers bubbling, which took me by surprise since it was the same paper and same glue I had used for the fanbind without any problem. I'm now thinking that bigger book = more time needed to apply the glue = endpapers getting warped, but I was so exhausted by this point that who knows. Again, no time to redo it!

9.30am: Stacked the dissertations under the heavy reference books I used to write the dissertation. Toute est dans toute hein. Went to bed while they (mostly) dried.

2.30pm: Woken up by my neighbour's dj set. Eventually put all that hard work in a tote and walked to school to hand it in at 4.30pm.

Fourth and last pickle: The titling. Couldn't find paper long enough to do a half-dust jacket like I did last time. Had big cutout plans, ran out of time and couldn't finish testing those. Also had some thicker textured paper I thought of cutting and glueing to the cover as a title card, but it turned out too thin and was warping. Finally resigned myself to submitting it with a blank cover, but one of my teachers asked if I would mind adding the title on with metallic markers to make it easier to identify (one copy will eventually be on the shelf at the Institute), and I'm SO HAPPY with how it turned out. Metallic markers. Why didn't I think of that. (I did, however, think about dressing appropriately for the occasion.)

So, is it possible to print and bind 3 books in less than 24 hours? Yes! Am I glad I did it? Also yes, very satisfying, love being extra! Would I do it again? God no, I've been sleeping for two weeks and I still haven't recovered. Can't wait to start binding something else though, so I guess it wasn't that bad.

That's it! That's over! Aaaaaah! Now waiting for the grade and comments, and hopefully soon I'll be able to share the content as well.

I'll also try to post some more about the research/writing process itself, somewhere between the late nights reading international treaties on income tax and the early mornings spent figuring out how to apply for a phd next.

Thank you so much to everyone who followed along, this was way more fun than I ever could have hoped!

[komelliko]

manipulative!boss!sunday x timid!secretary!reader (& aventurine!)

summary: You get drinks with Aventurine, only to be interrupted by a rather cross Sunday. wc: 1.7k - cw for drinking, stalking... and heavy worldbuilding. oops! a/n: The guillemets «» are used to indicate Sunday's telepathy!

part 4 / part 5 / part 6 (nsfw) ---

Most bars and hostelries in Golden Hour had been established long after the rebellions has ended and the prohibition on alcohol was lifted. The Pendulum Speakeasy, however, was an exception. You had no reservations in believing that Aventurine had every inch of Golden Hour memorized—gambled at every table, met every bartender, sweet-talked every showgirl—so when he leads you to The Pendulum without even stopping to check for directions, it only feels fitting. "You go out drinking often, doll?" You shake your head bashfully, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. "No, that's never appealed to me. Sunday took me to dinner earlier this week, but other than that... I just sort of like to keep to myself in my free time." You look down, knowing full well your outfit corroborates this—Other than the dress Sunday had delivered to you, the only things you can wear out are your work clothes. Fitted white pants, structured blazers, things of that sort. Aventurine's interest piques. "Oh, he took you to dinner?"

"Well—Yes," you concede. "-No? ...Yes. It was a work meeting." "Yes, but still. Never took him as the type." Aventurine wraps one arm around your waist, headlines flashing in his head: 'Stoneheart Missing After Scandal In Penacony', 'Rendezvous With The Family Gone Wrong'. He'd previously assumed that his plans would involve catching Sunday's ire somehow, but not yet considered to this degree.

Still, he surmises, he has faith in his odds. "Ah, but don't you worry your pretty little head about work tonight," he adds. "What I care about is you having fun." Finally winding the final turn into The Pendulum's alleyway, Aventurine thrusts his other hand into his pocket to pull out a small poker chip. You assume by the logo in the center and the golden sheen on its edges that Aventurine had stolen it—Maybe he'd slipped it into his sleeve after a game to take as a trophy. You'd heard of his exploits from time to time, and you can only assume the usual prizes of victory has lost their luster in his eyes. Perhaps he wishes to gamble for more unconventional things: Favors, promises, human lives. Aventurine knocks on the door, and a small set of twinkling Pepeshi eyes peers back at him from an open slat. You're sure the Pepeshi must be standing on a stool of some sort for them to be at Aventurine's eye level. "Are you welcome?" a squeaky voice asks. Aventurine smiles, flipping the poker chip in his hand up into the air one more time before catching it in his palm. "Very. 'Lady Arctus has saved me a table'." There was no need for any speakeasy in Penacony to still work on the password system—especially for one as well known as Pendulum's—but you assume that requiring it lent itself to some atmosphere. The atmosphere of a place like The Pendulum was its primary selling point, after all. When all of the drinks came from the same suppliers and every band played in whatever bar had an open stage, there was nothing else they could use to distinguish themselves but looks. Aventurine led you through The Pendulum by the hand, the two of you passing under a large chandelier decorated with fifty or some Halovian statuettes, each static crystal figurine draped in flowing cloth and ebulliently presenting sparkling glass bulbs of lights to the crowd of guests below them. The chandelier shook and twisted from the rumble of a car passing over the Speakeasy, sending an explosion of reflected rainbows around the room like a burst of confetti. As the two of you reached the bar, Aventurine lets you take your seat first, the barstool squeaking against the wooden floorboards. Once he takes his own seat, Aventurine raises his hand to call the bartender over. “An Interplanetary, if you may,” he asks. “And for my guest here—“ Aventurine looks back to you, his tongue tucked into his cheek as he stalls for your answer. “Pika White with an olive.” “Pika White with an olive,” he emphatically repeats to the bartender. Once the two of you are alone, he turns to add “My, how distinguished of you.”

You flush, eyes down looking at the velvet carpets over the floor. “Oh, no, that’s just what I got used to ordering for lunch meetings. Back when I started out at The Family, the easiest way to get people to like you was to drink with them.” You laugh under your breath, commenting to yourself “You know what they say, ‘Penacony is just one big party’.” “Indeed I do.” Aventurine’s own gaze is caught by the gleam of the poker table in the center of The Pendulum, itself swarmed with a small crowd of betters. He leans in to you, pointing towards the table. “—How’s about I show those guys what a real game of poker looks like?”  Aventurine gets up before you can even truly answer, but you follow anyways, adding “I don’t think anyone here hasn’t seen one of your games.” He shoots back a smile. “They could do with a reminder.” … … … … Aventurine wins nearly 40,000 credits before finally backing out, and you can’t stop yourself from hanging your head low in embarrassment on his behalf as he howls with laughter at his own victory. While the group of incensed Pepeshi that lost to Aventurine mostly sent him his winnings digitally, Aventurine finds a way to slip an extra 100-credit bill or two into your back pocket amidst the chaos anyways. “What a scene,” he remarks to himself, taking a sip of his Interplanetary. “Wouldn’t be a night out without a good game, would it? You saw that one guys’ face when he saw I still had a straight flush.” You cradle your glass of Pika gingerly in your hand, smiling into it. Between it and the sweet sound of the trumpet from The Pendulum’s stage, your mind is drawn between too many things to respond with more than a good-natured sigh. That is, until a noise cuts through over the sound of the big band and the chatter lingering around the bar. « ♪♫♪♫♫♪ » "Did you hear that...?" you ask, almost speaking it under your breath. "Hear what?" The whistling was probably in your head. It was the same melody you'd heard the other night while at dinner with Sunday, after all. « [Y/N]? Is that you? » You whip your head around to find the source of the voice, only to realize you can't tell which direction it came from. Unfortunately, its owner makes himself known quickly enough. "Aventurine of the Interastral Peace Corporation," your boss says. "I'm not shocked at all to see you here." Aventurine leans over in his seat, putting himself between you and Sunday. Maybe even... shielding you? Still, there was nothing in his voice that makes it seem like he finds Sunday a threat. "Been a while, Feathers," Aventurine grins. "Had to make sure you're not working your staff to the bone." Sunday smiles in a way that almost looks forced. "Never," he replies. "Though, I should warn you. It's against policy for Oak Family employees of a certain rank to consume alcohol of any kind. As the law that upholds Penacony, we must never let ourselves be of ill-affected mind." "That's never been enforced, sir." You feel a sense of shame splash over you the moment you finish your sentence, clasping your hand over your mouth as if you'd just cursed Sunday in front of his mother, or even broken a child's toy. You look back up to him to see if he would take the correction in stride. "Perhaps because until now, it has not been necessary to enforce it." Sunday inhales, his smile squinting his golden eyes as he looks back down at you in what you could only fear was contempt. "I don't want to have to report one of the hardest working people in Penacony for such negligence in following the rules."

"Sunday." Aventurine has fully moved in to separate Sunday from you. "I'm the one who invited [Y/N] out for drinks. They're not the one you should be having problems with here," the gambler sneers. "And what does it matter to you if your beloved secretary spends an hour or two in other company? Scared they'll share a bit too much?" Sunday's smile drops completely. It almost feels crazy to say, but you start to wish he was back to that unprofessionally-touchy, overly-sweet self you were used to seeing. You were able to ignore it because you were used it to it: You're not used to this. "If you think you will achieve any of your ends through [Y/N], Aventurine, you are sorely mistaken," Sunday scowls. "My employees are not playing chips for you to leverage at your behest, especially not my secretary." His golden eyes seem to pierce right through Aventurine's own as he asks "Have I made myself abundantly clear?" "That you have," the gambler replies through grit teeth. "Just let me finish my drink in peace, Feathers." Sunday finally shoots a glance to you before exiting the bar. You push your drink away, having lost all desire to finish it. "Sorry, Venny. I didn't even consider..." "Aw, doll, don't sweat it. Just not your lucky day," he shrugs. "But I'd be a chump to let him walk all over you." His voice lowers to a mutter as he adds "—Fuck, where's Gallagher when you need him? That boss of yours needs a good kick in the pants. Maybe his pretty face, too, if the first doesn't hit him right." "Aventurine, don't." Aventurine sighs, his grip on his glass tightening. "...Sorry, doll, what am I thinking? Not awfully nice of me to being speaking ill of the handsomest, most powerful man in Penacony." He downs the rest of his drink in one fell swoop. "If he's still hearing me, I'll get the sweep from him for sure. Then I'll really need a drink."

--- a/n: Arctus is the 12th of the The Hours in Greek Mythology, so I thought a reference to her would fit well in a Moment that's apparently one before midnight. tag list: @j1yu425 @crepezinhos @i-am-tiredd @8x9d @ruruize @herrscherofprocrastination @khxii-i @moonsaver

[neoraso]

survive the night | ksw

summary: you've had a crush on sunwoo for years, but what happens when he blurs the lines of your friendship? content: ftl, slightest angst but it's over in 4 seconds, happy ending, female reader. nonidol!sunwoo nonidol! reader wc: 5.3k an: this took me a bit to finish and it’s my first full length, i hope you enjoy!! let’s talk about it too~ do not repost or rework/copy any of my posts here or on other sites

The wind bit your cheeks as you hurried your steps towards the apartment complex ahead of you. It was nearing 9 p.m. but Sunwoo had called you an hour earlier asking if you could come through for some drinks and games with a few of the guys. In that very short time you had retouched your makeup and gone through four outfits before deciding on a hoodie and sweatpants Sunwoo had given to you because they were “too small” for him. Maybe it was poor taste to wear his old clothes to his house but honestly, they were comfortable and- you might have been completely head over heels for your friend, no big deal.

Lost in thought, you were almost surprised when you looked up and realized you had already reached the sleek, silver door and raised your hand to knock. Sunwoo had given you the passcode months ago when he was too busy gaming to get up and let you in, but you hadn’t used it since because it felt like you were overstepping some kind of boundary. Of course, that never stopped him from breaking and entering your home on various occasions, always scaring the hell out of you but you could never stay mad at him long.

Before long, Younghoon opened the door for you with a bright smile.

“Oh hey, we thought you were the food delivery”

“No,” you replied, matching his smile. “Sorry to be a disappointment. Who all ended up coming? Sunwoo said he invited everyone.”

“Chanhee and Changmin are home, Juyeon and Jacob and Kevin came. No one is really drinking yet. Maybe they’re waiting for you.” He said with a laugh.

You left your shoes at the door and walked down the hall with Younghoon trailing behind you into a very raucous living room. Everyone was so wrapped up in their own conversations and you were such a familiar face, your presence almost went unnoticed. Of course, Sunwoo was the first face you saw (well actually the first back-of-a-head), but before you could greet him you tripped on Kevin’s outstretched foot.

“Oops, sorry Y/N, is the food here?”

“No Kev, that was me at the door.” You said with a playful roll of your eyes.

At the sound of your voice, Sunwoo perked up and walked over to you with his arms wide open.

“Oh look everyone, it’s my mini me!!”

The sudden attention on you made your cheeks burn and it only got worse when Sunwoo’s taller, lithe frame wrapped around yours. You lagged a bit but snapped to and gently patted his back. He pulled away but stopped when his face was near your ear.

“Are you wearing perfume? It smells nice. Come sit with me, we’re gonna play a game soon.”

Suddenly feeling faint, you were glad to follow him to the couch and sit down. This was going to be a long night.

Later into the night after your bellies were full of food and too much alcohol, you thought you might have entered into some hellish realm. Sunwoo had been glued to you all night, keeping his arm on the couch behind you and hitting your shoulder or your leg when he laughed a little too hard. To make things exponentially worse, he kept leaning down to whisper side comments to you, his hot breath hitting your cheek a detriment to your sanity. While physical affection between you and any of your friends wasn’t uncommon, something seemed different tonight that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

The only natural course of action was to keep drinking.

After another hour you were definitely more than tipsy thanks to two rounds of ‘Never Have I Ever’ and an even a special game of ‘Truth or Truth’ (thank you Kevin!). There was some respite when Changmin asked you to get him some water from the kitchen. You enjoyed being with your friends of course but Sunwoo’s proximity tonight was becoming unbearable. You knew he didn’t mean anything by it other than friendly affection, and yet, you could help fantasizing about a day where he made an actual move on you.

The cup of water you were filling spilled over your hand just as Changmin and Chanhee called your name-sounding a bit more like geese than tipsy boys. Taking a deep breath, you decided you couldn’t hide in the kitchen forever. You dragged your feet back to the living room and carefully handed Changmin his water.

“Did I look extra thirsty or something? Why the hell is it so full?”

“Be grateful.” You grumbled.

He ignored your attitude and sipped it anyways.

You plopped onto the couch and instantly an unnaturally warm pair of arms were around you.

It was Sunwoo, hugging you for no good reason that you could come up with. He squeezed you once then pulled away and grinned at you, making your face heat up more than the KGBs he had provided for the occasion. It was almost enraging that no one seemed to notice that you were about to become undone, this was practically abuse. Finding your voice, and sounding more coherent than you felt, you asked him,

 “What was that for??”

“You were just so cute! I couldn’t help it.” He let go of you, putting his arm back behind you leaving your mind in shambles.

He couldn’t help it?  What the hell was that supposed to mean? He had bragged earlier that his alcohol tolerance had gone up, but that seemed to be a lie because why else would he have been so careless?

You spent the next couple of hours trying not to fall asleep which was relatively easy considering how loud the boys still were at such a time of night. Eventually Sunwoo took note of your state and patted your leg.

“Are you tired?”

You nodded and rubbed your eyes. “Yeah, I better start walking home.”

Horrified was the only way to describe the look on his face. “Walk home?! It’s way too late and I can’t come with you, too cold. Just go sleep in my room I’ll come soon, I doubt the guys will stay much longer.”

You debated this. It would not be the first time you had spent the night together, but usually he slept on the floor or the couch. Now he was implying joining you and that was just ridiculous.

“Oh, it’s ok, I don’t have any of my products with me…”

Chanhee, who had apparently been eavesdropping, chimed in from the floor with his eyes closed. “You can borrow my makeup remover and skincare.”

Sunwoo beamed at this. “See? You already have a toothbrush here, just go lay down please, you look pitiful.”

You hesitated. This would most likely create 1000 more problems for you and your feelings for Sunwoo. The worst part of it was, you couldn’t tell where he was coming from. Was he being a kind friend or did he have some sort of hidden agenda? You knew him well enough to know he wasn’t a player, so it didn’t make sense for him to be doing anything unkind to you, and yet…Whatever. It was too late to care anymore.

After bidding everyone a good night (with many whines in return), you stumbled down the hall to the bathroom to get ready for bed. You examined your drunken reflection, sighing as you swiped away your smudged mascara. What did you get yourself into?

After cleansing and moisturizing, you found your way to Sunwoo’s room. There was practically only room for a bed- a small one at that- and you found yourself wondering if you even wanted him to sleep with you or not. While it would be everything you imagined before sleeping pretty much every night, it would haunt you forever if he meant nothing by it.

You were tired, but as you laid there in his bed with his scent permeating everything, anticipating him coming in to do… whatever it was he planned to do, you found yourself tossing and turning. Honestly, you wanted to cry. Maybe it was the alcohol, but you were suddenly overwhelmed by your emotions and anxiety that had built up over the night. Going home wasn’t an option, so you sighed, accepting your fate and tried to sleep.

After what seemed like ten hours, Sunwoo finally cracked open the door, probably thinking you were asleep. He shuffled his way to his dresser and you peeked your eyes open then tried to avert them away from him taking his hoodie off. Before he turned around, you quickly shut your eyes and turned over. You heard him sigh behind you and felt the bed slowly dip with his weight. He adjusted the blanket over you and dragged his hand across your side before bringing his arm back to his chest. The distance between you (or lack thereof) was killing you. Regardless, you tried to control your breathing so as not to give away that you were still very much awake. The spot he had touched felt as though he had electrocuted you. It was heartache.

After a bit, you heard his breath even out and could tell he was asleep. You gathered the courage to turn around and face him.

You’d always thought he looked a little goofy when he slept, mouth slightly open, bangs messy. But tonight, you felt the weight of your heart.

His hair’s grown out you thought absentmindedly, reaching up to move a strand out of his eyes. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and his full lips were pursed against the pillow. Before you could help it, tears sprang to your eyes. There was not much longer you could go without confessing, or distancing yourself. This was just too much to bear. However, the thought of confessing brought on another wave of anxiety thinking about your friendship ending if he didn’t feel the same.

 He had been with you since high school, had stuck by you in all your hard times as well as the good ones, consoled you after breakups; you were intertwined. You had always heard men and women can’t be friends and thought you two were the sole exception. That was, until your freshman year of college.

You remembered that time not too fondly. Keeping up with classes and assignments was stressful, but you had Sunwoo who thankfully got accepted to your same university. He was busy on the school’s soccer team but had always made time for you, bringing you coffee on your study dates, cheering you up on your rough days, it meant everything to you. Around winter break, while you two studied for finals (which usually meant him watching YouTube while you studied alone), he confessed he had a crush on a girl in one of his classes and asked you for advice on how to ask for her number. You both had had crushes in high school and it never bothered you when he would talk to other girls, but this time had been different. What had changed in you?

 You thought it would be a small fling but they ended up dating for a year. It was agonizing watching him put his everything into someone else. She never liked you, complaining you and Sunwoo were too close. He tried to keep in touch with you but you saw much less of him than you had in the four years of knowing him.

Eventually she cheated on him. You remembered the dark circles under his eyes when he had knocked on your door the day they broke up. He didn’t say anything, just hugged you and sobbed into your shoulder. In all the time you had known him he had never cried in front of you, it infuriated you to think he had given his heart to someone so careless and vile. You never forgot the way he looked at you when he retold his last conversation with his ex.

“She told me it didn’t matter that she cheated, because my heart was with someone else the whole time. I think she meant you.”

You knew it wasn’t his intention to blame you, but you carried the guilt for months. Not guilty of her parting words and their implication, but guilt in the satisfaction you had for being so important to him. So much so that you were a threat to other women interested in him. It was a sick “If I can’t have him, no one can” mentality and you knew it wasn’t fair to him so for the next few years you resigned yourself to the loyal best friend role.

When you tried to branch out and pursue other guys, Sunwoo was always supportive. When things didn’t work out with other prospects- often because you wouldn’t cut off Sunwoo when they asked- he always ruffled your hair and sighed.

“At least we have each other, right?”

Shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you rolled to stare at the ceiling.

You didn’t remember falling asleep but you woke up abruptly and in an odd position.

Then you realized you were being held tightly against Sunwoo. Somehow in the night he had moved his arm under your pillow and had his other arm tucked against your waist, his forehead pressed against the back of your neck.

What the absolute hell?

This was too far for you, still it felt so nice- and natural, as if you were meant to fit together like this forever. This was everything you had dreamed of for years (albeit under different circumstances). Clearly, he did this in his sleep, so you decided to get up before he woke up too and got embarrassed.

You carefully lifted his arm off you and crawled to the end of the bed. He looked so adorable like this, you almost wanted to take a picture before realizing you never wanted to remember this day again.

Tiptoeing your way down the hall, you hoped everyone was still asleep like Kevin who was snoring on the couch. Just as you were about to walk past Chanhee’s room, he opened the door, making you jump

“You scared me Chanhee!” you sharply whispered. “You scared ME. Why are you up so early?”

You checked the time on your phone: 8:12 a.m.

“I’m starting to get a headache. I need some hangover soup. And coffee. ASAP.” You groggily replied, voice still hoarse from just waking up.

“I thought we could order it and eat together? Why are you in such a rush?” He questioned you. “Um, I have some errands to run. Sorry, I’ll text you!” To be fair, you did have errands and the first one was to get away from this house.

“Did something happen?” Chanhee was always good at reading you, but now it was starting to feel like an interrogation.

“Nope!” you lied, “I’ll text you!”

Before he could say anything else, you brushed past him and quickly put your shoes on, feeling like you couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

The following days were not fun to say the least. The afternoon after you left, Sunwoo and Chanhee texted you multiple times throughout the day to ask if you were alright (Chanhee was a bit excessive). You insisted to them that you were just busy – which was true, you were busy avoiding Sunwoo, rotting in bed, suffering from mental anguish, etc. etc.

The next day, Sunwoo asked if you wanted to go to lunch with him and Hyunjae. While any other day you would’ve gone without hesitation, just the thought of Sunwoo was torturous, and so you politely declined with another excuse. Maybe it would’ve been better if he stopped trying, and you might’ve wished for it. But you knew that if he did, you would be the first person to cry themselves to death. It was a pretty wretched situation that you had put yourself in. This could easily be resolved if you just talked to him, but the idea was simply too terrifying. You had never been good at expressing your emotions out of fear of causing conflict, but this was different.

You realized you were in love with him. There was no going back and you were terrified.

After a week you were invited out with the group- and you decided you’d had enough crying and worrying. Sunwoo’s texts had dwindled to radio silence once he got sick of your dry replies. You didn’t know how you could show your face, but either way you just had to suck it up, meet your friends and put your feelings aside for Sunwoo’s sake.

This was easier said than done as you contemplated cancelling at least six times in the hour it took you to get ready. It was just barbecue and drinks, it was supposed to be fun. Maybe it would be but you didn’t know what to expect from Sunwoo. Would he be mad? Or act like nothing was wrong when it clearly was?  You supposed there was only one way to find out.

When you got to the restaurant you spotted Chanhee first with an empty seat beside him.

“Is anyone sitting here?” You asked timidly.

“Oh hi, no I saved the seat for you.”

Something about his tone seemed off and made the sinking feeling in your gut feel ten times heavier. You looked around the table, greeting everyone and it didn’t take long for you to notice the absence in the group.

“Is Sunwoo in the bathroom or something?” you whispered to Chanhee.

“No, I don’t think he’s coming, he thinks you hate him.” His response was rather curt and made you feel like the walls were closing in around you.

“Oh…” was all you could muster.

“Do you? Hate him I mean. It seemed like whatever happened when you stayed the night completely made you stay away from him- and all of us.”

Awesome. So not only had you burnt the bridge between you and the only man you’ve ever loved, but you had also pushed away all of your closest friends too.

Hyunjae abruptly interrupted your thoughts.  “Where’s Sunwoo? I thought he’d be anywhere you would be.” He looked at you so innocently, which relieved you. At least no one else knew something was up.

“Oh I … I’m not sure… I-“

“Hey what did I miss?” the familiar voice startled you at first, then sent an instinctual calmness through you.

You turned and looked at Sunwoo, trying to express your pain, your guilt. He didn’t even glance at you.

It stung and it took everything in you not to get up and walk out. But you stayed in your seat so you didn’t make a scene.

You spent the evening in silence, only speaking when spoken to and, to your dismay, Sunwoo seemed to be doing the same. After a while, you finally made eye contact for a split second and felt your eyes prick with tears. Excusing yourself to the bathroom, you could barely make it there without breaking down. This was not the time or the place to be having a meltdown. Seeing him in front of you brought all the feelings you had tried to repress to the surface and it was too much.

After calming down a bit and erasing your tear tracks as best as you could, you returned to the table. Leaning down, you whispered in Chanhee’s ear that you weren’t feeling well and were going home. Younghoon had lost rock paper scissors and was paying, so there was no reason you couldn’t leave.

You hurried out of the building and paused outside, breathing in the crisp air. Hailing a taxi, you finally let everything spill over, probably making the driver extremely uncomfortable but you couldn’t really be bothered to care.

What were you going to do?

You reached home exhausted beyond belief. At least you’d gotten a meal, you thought dejectedly. Unfortunately, there was no plan for what you’d do when you got home. Any more crying seemed like a one-way ticket to Drowningville, but your mind still ran rampant. You could call one of your girlfriends, Mia knew about your crush and had consoled you through the last couple of years. But just as you picked up your phone, someone knocked on your door.

This was unusual. But then, it could be someone from your building management.

You weren’t stupid, you stood on the balls of your feet to look through the peephole and the sight in front of you made your breath catch.

It was him.

He reached up to knock again so you quickly unlocked and opened the door without thinking any further.

Both of you were breathing heavily, your eyes rimmed red and his stare intense.

He spoke first.

“Can I come in?”

You opened the door wordlessly, not really by choice, you were completely caught off guard.

Feeling the tears pooling again, you cursed yourself for being so weak and looked down at your feet. Suddenly, he cupped your cheeks in his hands, forcing you to look at him.

“What is wrong? What did I do? Everything was fine and then it wasn’t. I want my Y/N back.”

His whole expression was pleading and you felt so selfish for running away from your problems again.

“Do you want the whole truth, or the nice version?” You knew he wouldn’t, but you hoped he’d choose the latter option so you could white lie your way out of this situation. He let go of your face to tug your hair lightly and rested his hands on your shoulders.

“What do you think?”

“Ok fine.” You huffed. “I got freaked out the other night when I slept in your room. It just felt… like we were crossing lines and I know I’m being dramatic because it was just cuddling but it’s different for me. I shouldn’t have run away and I feel really bad about blowing off the rest of the guys, but you especially. You know you’re my closest …friend and I didn’t want to lose you but I didn’t know what to do because like I said-“

You suddenly stopped because he dropped his hands from your shoulders and looked away. Honestly, he looked pissed.

Nice, you thought I’ve ruined everything and I haven’t even told him I liked him yet. How much worse could this night get?

“Y/N.”

“Y-yes?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to confuse you.” “I know, we’re friends”

“We’re friends… but when you say it’s different for you, what exactly do you mean?”

Now you were starting to sweat, noticing the way he held back a smile. Was he going to make you spell it out like some kind of sadist?

“I mean…It means more to me than just that kind of skinship. Especially when I…”

“When you what?” Now he was smirking and it was starting to anger you.

“Sunwoo…”

“We’ll leave it for tonight. As long as I know you’re not mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you I just-“

He pulled you into his arms, his hoodie had faint remnants of his cologne and you wrapped your arms around his waist as he rested his chin on top of your head. His chest rose with a deep inhale and then just as quickly as he grabbed you, he let you go. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed him clenching his fist, he turned to you with a lopsided smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” “What if I was busy?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Y/N.”

Waking up feeling more rested than you had in a while, your mind wandered to last night. After Sunwoo’s unceremonious appearance (and exit), you had showered in a daze and immediately knocked out into a dreamless sleep.

Now all you had to fear was his threat of seeing you today.

There was no warning or even a text to let you know when this man was ever deciding on showing up. It was only 10 a.m., Sunwoo usually got up after 11 so it could be any time really. Thankfully, you had some time off work for the holidays, so you relished in your leisurely time putting your face and clothes on. You went about your day as normal: eating, watching YouTube, online shopping. All lame distractions from what you were anticipating. It wasn’t until 5:30 when he texted you.

.sunwoo🦝 : if you’re not already ready - get to it, I’ll be over in 30

So pushy, you could only laugh to yourself. It was odd, you thought, how the trauma of the last week was erased by a simple conversation and a hug from Sunwoo. You supposed it had always been like this, pain followed by a soothing only he could provide. He was your confidant, your rock, your safety. Whatever happened tonight was ok with you as long as you could keep him in your life.

Soon enough you heard your door open from your bedroom so you went to greet him. He met you with a rather awkward smile and hands politely behind his back which threw you off- you had never been uncomfortable around each other. Your smile quickly dropped,

“What’s wrong?” you prodded.

“Nothing!” he tried to assuage you with a laugh that sounded a little shaky.

You narrowed your eyes before looking back at his arms hiding something behind his back.

“What are you holding? You’re starting to freak me out…” You might have to forward your medical bill to him the way he constantly had your blood pressure rising. You needed him to get on with whatever he made you wait all day for.

“Well, it’s… well.” He stopped talking and brought his hands forward holding out a bouquet of sunflowers, chamomile and dahlias. You stood there for a couple seconds not understanding what was going on. “These are for you. As an apology for upsetting you, and, well I had something to say…” He trailed off, “Are you just going to stand there like a statue all night? Don’t you have a vase or something to put these in? I don’t want them to die, you know I can’t take care of plants.”

Reaching forward, your fingers brushed his as you took the flowers and felt like you were buzzing. The sweet gesture completely left you dazed, still convinced something was up.

“These are… for me?” you asked a bit dumbly. Before he could reply, you turned to walk to the kitchen.

“Yes, I thought it would be- well I didn’t want to show up empty handed.” His eyes followed your figure to you opening a cabinet to grab a vase that was just out of your reach. Quickly making his way over to you, he stood behind you to grasp it from the shelf. Your breath caught and your heart thumped a little too loudly when you felt his hand lightly rest on your waist as he took the vase and set it on the counter. Thankfully, he moved out of the way for you to fill it with water and put in the flowers trying to regain control of your breathing. The arrangement brightened up the space and reminded you of him- bright and sweet and lovely. You couldn’t imagine him going into a flower shop and picking these out, much less picking them out for you. The thought was a little funny but not funny enough…

Bringing you out of your reverie he softly made his way to you again and leaned against the counter. “You’re so silent I don’t like it.”

“Sorry I just don’t understand…” “I know,” he cut you off, “I just – I don’t know what I was thinking the other night. I’d blame it on the alcohol but really I was just being selfish. Things changed for me a while ago but I didn’t know to approach you. I always loved you but at some point, I started to realize just how much you mean to me. You’ve always taken care of me, cheered me on, been there for me. And then…when you went ghost on me, I panicked, I knew then I couldn’t live without you. I needed you to be mine, not as a best friend but as something more- I mean I feel so much more for you. I hoped you felt the same but I just couldn’t tell with the way you ran away from me. But then last night I felt like I was pressuring you to confess so I wanted to say it first. I like you, please give me a chance to take care of you. I want to be with you as long as you’ll let me.”

Throughout his monologue, you could barely hear him over your blood pumping in your ears and you felt a bit faint. This was everything you’ve wanted for over four years and it was finally coming true- you couldn’t believe this was real life. Your mind kept replaying him saying I’ve always loved you…

“Can you please say something.” He looked a little stern, but moved his hand gently to cup your cheek, stroking the skin there.

“Sunwoo…” He dropped his hand, looking at you with pleading eyes like he was anticipating your rejection. Grabbing his hand, you continued, “You must know how I feel, I’ve wanted you for so long. Please don’t tell me this is a joke.”

“I would never joke about this, you know I treasure your heart. I’ve always protected you. Even when you dated all those losers-“

“You dated losers too.”

“I know that. I couldn’t figure out why I was never satisfied, but I would always compare them to you and I chose our friendship every time.”

You could feel his sincerity and grabbed the fabric of his shirt at his thin waist.

“So… you really want to be with me?”

“More than anything.” He grabbed your face in his hands, just to look at you. It was so tender you wanted to cry. Again. Maybe there was something wrong with your tear ducts… Softly, he spoke up again.

“Can I kiss you? I’ve wanted to for so long.” All you could do was slowly nod and he stepped towards you, leaning down to kiss your forehead, then your temple, your cheek and finally pressed his lips against yours. You moved your hands to his shoulders, sliding them up to grab the hair at his nape, pressing him tighter against you. He kissed you twice more then moved to kiss your cheek again, squishing your face to purse your lips and kiss you again. You felt like you could black out as he ran his lips across your jawline, kissing just under your ear as he whispered an apology, finally pulling away.

Breathless, you replied “No need to apologize.” You moved your hands back to his shoulders, and tried not to look at his mouth, glossy from your lip balm and plump from his affections. As he ran his tongue over his lips and slightly smirked you thought,

He will be the death of me.

“Well…” trying to disperse the intense energy in the air you turned to look at the flowers again. “These are really pretty, thank you.”

“Well the lady at the shop helped a lot. Honestly I wanted to get you more gifts but I thought if you rejected me I would have to jump out of your window to escape the humiliation.”

Sighing, you faced him again.

“Honestly Sunwoo, how could you think I would ever reject you??”

“I don’t know!! Damn, I don’t know why it took me so long to admit my feelings. I always hated your boyfriends-“

“All two of them.” You reminded him with an eye roll.

“Ok well still. I hated all two of them.” “How do you think I felt watching you dote on other girls? Being so affectionate, writing songs for them…”

“You were always my inspiration. It was easier to write about someone I had a deeper connection with and that was always you.” “Well now I’m angry.” You pulled away and crossed your arms.

A look of panic washed over his face. “Angry with me already? We can’t start like this. Y/N, even though I didn’t see it quickly enough, we have so much time ahead of us.”

Looking at love itself, you pulled him in for another kiss.

You could never stay mad at him long.

[nightghoulz]

I’m on a small break at work right now so let me lay down some headcanons for the lovely little frat house sims 4 Warhammer thing I have going on. Probably not super accurate since my knowledge only comes from other awesome headcanons and blurbs on here and the very minuscule number of books I’ve read.

What are they majoring in? Since they are now in a huge college frat house!

Lion- History. Really likes cracking codes, will solve an impossible one for extra credit

Fulgrim- Art. Painting specifically, although he admires his classmate’s works in other mediums.

Perturabo- Engineering, minoring in some sort of architecture study. Rivalry with Dorn, duh!

Jaghatai Khan- Veterinary studies! Classmates love him because he’s the cool one that shows up on a bike every damn day.

Leman Russ- Also Veterinary studies. Has 10 different cheesy wolf shirts. Aside from genuinely believing he’s a werewolf (he is), he’s at the top of the class.

Rogal Dorn- Architecture. Minoring in engineering. Rivalry with perty!

Konrad Curze- Criminal justice. Will go on to be a lawyer. Gets a little too into it.

Sanguinius- Political science. Minoring in art, shares supplies with Fulgrim. Wins those world meeting club things (no clue what they are called but someone please know what I mean)

Ferrus Manus- Ironworking (welding). Got permission to use the classroom out of hours for his own projects as long as he cleans up.

Angron- Therapist. Specifically anger management. Really good at it too, seeing as there’s no Butcher’s nails. Maybe Perty or Dorn accidentally get him with the nail gun at some point.

Guilliman- Accounting. Sorry guys. He likes excel!

Mortarion- Mortuary science. It’s quiet and no one bothers him about it except fulgrim, who is interested in how similar it is to sculpting.

Magnus- History, specializing in Egyptology. Double majored in archeology as well. Overachiever.

Horus- Changed his major a bunch. Settled on acting since he enjoyed the club. Likes the acting part but gets forced to paint sets for money off his tuition. Eventually enjoys it, yay development!

Lorgar- Religious studies and history. Gets to visit old cathedrals and go on more trips so his brothers are jealous.

Vulkan- archeology. Studies with Magnus. Dreams of opening his own museum, but hey, maybe they’ll do it together.

Corvus- Literature. Would love to teach it someday and make his classroom Edgar Allen Poe themed.

Alpharius/Omegon- who knows what they are studying? They seem to be in every class at once.

This took way longer than I thought oops. Sorry to the few that I don’t know junk on :’) I am tired and I tried. I’ll do more later maybe!

[4th-make-quail]

Cos I've been doing this over on bsky and I wanna have it archived~

Questions 1-8 answered below!

They met during the first scene where you recruit Emmrich! Because Caul is a Crow, he's never had opportunity to meet him before, and none of his contracts took him to Nevarra

Caul's first impression was "oh the skull thing is cool" and, internally, "thank the gods, someone who's my age" lol. Underneath that he was attracted, and that increased when he saw Emmrich working his magic round the Necropolis during that first quest. Necromancy intrigues him! On Emmrich's side, he was surprised that this imposing, solid and quite dour Qunari needed his help, but delighted to find someone who showed an interest in his work and a respect for the dead, despite his career as a Crow. The good looks helped, and he found himself needing to know more!

Caul realised when he caught himself watching Emmrich one too many times, and then it was cemented when his thoughts turned to poetry around him. Their casual, fun flirtation was just that until Emmrich's kindness just seeped into his soul and didn't let go, and he realised he was Serious. Took him a while, but not as long as Emmrich, who thought that their flirtations were just that - fun between colleagues, nothing more. He realised the terrifying depths of his feelings after one battle where Caul got properly injured then finally relented and let Emmrich use healing magic. During which time, Caul also lets his guard down enough to let him finally see his scars - mostly his leg - which he keeps hidden. Relieved that Caul wasn't going to die and overcome with emotion at the trust he's showing, Emmrich admits to himself that his feelings are real. And scary......

The first move went as the game - Emmrich turned on the charm & kissed Caul within an inch of his life against that beautiful statue of the eternal lovers. It went very smoothly, Caul was already smitten & their tension was insane by that point - if Emmrich hadn't made the move, Caul would have!

Oops I answered this in #4 by mistake fkcmck I'm gonna skip ahead!

They were very handsy and physical before they finally fucked properly! The first sexual contact was Caul giving into his post-battle adrenaline high and sucking Emmrich silly, Emmrich sat on his desk and Caul in his chair just completely going to town and not stopping even after Emmrich came. For full sex it'd been building for a long time, but they never had time or the right moment. Emmrich finally sent everyone else on errands with strict instructions to not bother them, then fucked Caul gentle and slow in his huge comfy bed with scented candles and flower petals everywhere 💚

Their first date was as in game, Emmrich laying on a beautiful meal and wining & dining Caul with the full weight of his charm. Caul brought him flowers & a beautiful Antivan-made knife for ceremonial use & quite flustered Emmrich for a moment, then they kissed for like two hours in the moonlight.

Caul, without a doubt. Emmrich can't bring himself to admit it, let alone speak it out loud - he's afraid of the depth of his feeling, of what feels like an insurmountable gap between them (a Crow & a Watcher, who are they trying to fool?) & he's especially afraid of his mortality. Caul's a romantic type as is Emmrich, but he expresses it through his poetry & he'd given Emmrich enough of it by then to make his feelings clear, but he'd also never really said it outright until The Argument & even then it's only to accuse Emmrich of being scared to admit it. When he returns from the Fade prison, when they're alone in the Necropolis, he tells Emmrich just how much he loves him when they kiss, and continues to tell him while they fuck in the sarcophagus until Emmrich's flushed & whimpering, gazing into Caul's eyes as they make love

[tomssexdoll]

request.

smut 2011 bill and female reader.

bill comes home after a long day of work and yn wants to make him feel better so he surprises him with his favorite cake and she's also wearing his favorite set (something gothic like its style)

yn teases him with the cake as well

surprise

PAIRINGS: Bill 2011 x Female reader CONTENT: SMUT SYPNOSIS: Bill is tired and stressed out from a LONG day of work, Y/N feels bad and wants to make him feel better, knowing he was coming home late you made his favourite cake and wore his favourite lingiere set that you own. A/N: i want cake WARNINGS: teasing, dom!bill, sub!reader, p in v (riding), sucking d, tit playing

Bill finally came home from a long day of work, it was 10pm and I had prepared for his arrival, baking him his favourite cake so he could have something that would cheer him up when he finished his shift.

He came in the door, slouched over and groaning, slamming the keys onto the counter. His face softened as soon as he saw me, engulfing me in a hug, my face mushed against his chest. "Missed you so much baby..the guys are so frustrating, we had to work on a guitar solo for 4 fucking hours cause Tom couldn't get it right" he sighed, letting go and kissing me softly.

"Come here honey, I made your favourite" I smiled, grabbing his hand and guiding him into the kitchen, showing him a slice of his favourite cake, chocolate fudge cake with oreos on top. His eyes lit up at the sight of it, his mouth hanging low. "Oh thank you baby..you're such a good girl" he smiled softly, kissing my neck. I cut a huge slice for him and made him sit down on the couch.

"Stay there baby, I'll be back" I set the cake down, running to the bedroom and putting his favourite set of lingiere that I own, it was very gothic, full of black lace and little dark red flowers.

I came out and watched as his eyes widened, "fuck baby..." he mumbled, covering his mouth, trying to keep his composure. I smirked as a tent built in his pants.

I walked over to the couch and sat on his lap, grabbing the cake and slowly feeding it to him, "is it good baby..?" I whispered, nipping at his neck, he nodded and groaned as I grinded softly on his lap.

I "accidently" swiped some of the frosting onto his lip, "oops! Better clean that up" I smiled innocently, my tongue dragging across his lips, kissing them sweetly.

"Mmm, chocolate" I smirked, his hands flew to my ass and gripped it tightly. "Stop being a tease.." he growled, smacking the flesh.

I smirked and unbuckled his belt, his hips bucking up to help me take his pants off. I slid them off and sat back down on his lap, his cock straining against his boxers, begging to be freed.

I bit my lip and took his cock out, pumping it a few times before getting off the couch and onto my knees. Bill spread his legs slightly, letting me get in between them.

I held his cock with one hand and slightly wrapped my lips around his tip, lowering down onto his cock, "fuckk..yes baby wrap those pretty lips around my cock" he groaned, one hand tangling in my hair softly.

He guided me onto his cock, fitting the full thing inside my mouth. I gagged slightly as his tip hit the back of my throat, tears pricking at my eyes.

I bobbed my head up and down, slobbering all over his erect cock. He groaned and bucked his hips up again, slowly thrusting himself in my mouth, matching my thrusts. "Fuck...so good for me" he praised, caressing my hair softly.

I smiled, picking up my pace and sucking his length faster, ocassionaly swirling my tongue over his sensitive tip, gaining a satifying reaction out of him.

I felt his legs tense up a bit, signalling his impending orgasm. "Make me cum.." he groaned lowly, his head threw back onto the top part of the couch, his other hand reaching out to grip something.

Eventually his other hang grabbed onto my hair, he started to slam his hips into my mouth, throat fucking me cruely. His tip rammed into the back of my throat, saliva building around my mouth as I gagged on his cock.

"Yess!" he whined, shooting his cum deep into my throat, panting heavily. I swallowed his cum, standing up slowly, my legs slightly shaky from being on my knees for quite a while.

"Cmere baby" he smiled, pulled me onto his lap and taping the straps of the lingiere off, revealing my breasts. He grunted and shoved his head into my chest, licking and sucking on my nipples harshly.

I moaned at the sensation, pleasure waves coursing throughout my body as his suction got rougher. I moved the panty part of the lingiere to the side, revealing my pussy. I grinded on his cock to notify him and his eyes shot open, grinning widely and positioning himself at my entrance.

He slowly pushed in, groaning at my tightness, bottoming himself out. I got into a comfortable position, preparing to ride him when he started to softly thrust into me, I put my hand on his chest to stop him, "baby, let me take care of you" I smiled, lifting my hips up and slamming them down.

I moaned as his tip teasingly brushed against my g spot, making me motivated to go faster, I swayed my hips, getting into a pleasurable rhythm.

His hands flew to my ass, grabbing it tightly and smacking it, I gasped at the sudden spank, turning to him. He chuckled "sorry baby you get me so excited" diving his head back into my tits and sucking on my nipples again.

The way his tip brushed past my sweet spot and the sensation of his mouth on my nipples made me crazy, I knew my orgasm was fastly approaching so I sped up, hips slamming into his at an ungodly pace, sweat lining on my forehead, my eyebrows furrowed.

"Gonna cum!" I whined, my hands creeping down and holding onto his waist, the sound of skin slapping filling the house, our moans in sync.

He grabbed my hips, digging his nails into them as we came at the same time, my pussy cumming all over his cock and his load being squirted deep into my hole, coating my walls completely.

"Oh fuck..you're so good" he panted, holding me close to him. I fell forward and tried to catch my breath with him, both of our bodies covered in swear.

After we had calmed down he pulled me off his lap, picking me up in his arms and carrying me to the shower, "cmon baby, we'll wash up and eat that cake you made me" he smirked, kissing my neck gently and turning the water on.

tags: @itsmealaiah @tomscumdump @tomkaulitzloverr @tomscumdoll @ge-billsgf @miyukafujii @charliesgoodboy @estxkios @bkaulitzlover @ballhair

[vad-hander]

LET’S KEEP IT SECRET Pt.5

pairing: Jaehyun x reader x Yuta

others: SM Rookies, multiple SM and JYP idols

genre: series | idol!au | smut | angst | fluff | slow burn | unrequited love | friends to lovers (oops) | mutual pining | teenage to adults | idol!nct, idol!reader, teenage to adults (trainee days until today)

words: 7k

side note: as usual, I'll appreciate all your feedback and thoughts!

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6

Your hand raised immediately to cover your opened mouth. Fuck. Yuta’s outside. Yuta came here to see you. After months of silence, he shows up so randomly?! You were almost mad how unprepared you were for this meeting.

Like, not even mentally, your appearance was fucking awkward. You danced for the past 5 hours in a room with barely any venting system. You sweated so badly your hair now looked like you didn’t wash it for a week, you were procrastinating in your bed aka waiting for your turn in the shower - because with the number of people on the floor two bathrooms were just not it, you literally had to wait in a queue to shower - so you were in your training sweats and shirt. Ah, you panicked. Your hands automatically reached for your brush - at least you’d braid the mess on your head and not make it too obvious you were fresh out of practice. You roughly ran the brush through your hair, the silent room now filled with you ripping through your hair and awkwardly enough - attracting everyone’s attention to you. How the hell were you supposed to make yourself look presentable without people questioning why you’re acting that way? You braided your hair quickly, trying not to pay too much attention to the curious eyes. You are, at the end of the day, planning to be famous - you have to be used to people watching you, tho its not really the same, but it should be the same in your head in order for you to not flip out. You found your lip balm and hid it in the pocket to not put it on so openly and ran out of the room in pure silence only to return a second after. “I-, ahem, I’m going to the CU, does anyone need anything?“ 

“Yeah, no.“ Jiwon gave you a weird look, crossing eyes with Sieun. Well, okay. 

You didn’t have a second to think if you wanted to slow down or speed up or what you were going to say, you just ran out of the building without any thoughts. You just really wanted to see Yuta with your eyes. Just have him before you no matter how awkward this might be, just look at him. God, why did you not see him?! Your eyes ran across the entrance of the building one time and once again, because there wasn’t anyone. You walked off further into the street, turning the corner of the building, immediately meeting with Yuta’s eyes. You jumped in place and stopped. You weren’t sure if you should sprint off and hug him or let him take the lead. Yuta took a step towards you and you did so too automatically, meeting somewhere in-between. Yuta stared at you and his eyes were trying to drink in every feature on your face, while you were doing the same. You were trying to see if anything changed, if anything was different and it seemed like everything was not the same but at the same time he was just who you remembered him to be. It felt so weird, like some fever dream turn into live or more like a brimmed with romance k-drama moment where two leads finally meet each other after years of separation. The street lights and autumn breeze was adding up to the feeling. You blinked silently at the man like amoeba, not knowing what was the reason behind him coming here, what did he think of you and what you should be acting like in front of him now. What were you? Should you just ask him in the face? You seriously considered, since he watched you without saying a thing.

“I would say that I’m so happy you texted, but if I’m completely honest, I’m so confused at this point.“ you surprised Yuta by breaking the silence.

“Jaehyun told me you two were discussing… us?“ Ugh, he did? You recalled saying something to him along the lines of maybe you can ask him and tell me, but you didn’t expect him go out of his way and actually do it. One more UGH for Jeong Jaehyun. You were beyond conscious of what he might’ve said or discussed with Yuta. 

“That’s pretty exaggerated.“ You weren’t discussing your relationship, you literally cut him off in like two sentences and continued with your exchange of random things that happened in your life in the time being you avoided him. 

“Anyway.“ what was they sigh and the undertone of that word. Was he…pissed off? The tone of his voice was giving something between slight indifference and irritation. 

“Yes, anyway.“ You felt a little more worked up just from the look he gave you. That’s very much not how you imagined the reunion with your boyfriend, or more likely ex-boyfriend by now. “So Jaehyun is the only reason you reached out after months of silence?“ 

“Yes and no. He told me about seeing you and I realised that I would’ve liked it for myself too. To see you, talk to you and everything else.“ Everything else is what…? Touching, hugging, kissing and …? You needed elaboration on this uncertainty. 

“Okay.“ You gave him a nod, very much flabbergasted at the prospect of possibly kissing Yuta. 

“Do you hate me? For leaving you to hang on for this long?“ his eyes pierced through yours. “I reckoned you’ll need a lot of time to process the transfer and new life and new people and I tried to give you space to work everything out. My own debuted and other things got in the way. I took too long and then was just scared and awkward to reach out.“

“But I messaged you. You could’ve said literally anything back.“

“I’m sorry.“ He did sound full of remorse, you’d give him that.

“Well at least you had more than enough time to think everything through.“ You cackled, not able to hold yourself back from coming at him. 

“Right.“

“So… I guess you came here to give me the verdict?“

“I came here to tell you that I’ve been missing you so fucking bad. That I really badly want to talk to you and hug you again and kiss you again. I want to know everything that’s been happening to you recently. I texted you to see if you’d be able to forgive me for taking so long. So…will you forgive me? Are we still on the same page?“ He crushed the words at you like a cannon ball. They were things you wanted to hear, but somehow at the same time you were feeling uneasy at the confession. You had to tell him first thing that came into your mind otherwise the silence felt too deafening. Yuta gripped your palm as proof of what he felt.

“My company…. We have a very strict no dating policy. We’re not even allowed to have a simple crush. Literally anything relationship related is strictly prohibited.“

“You know that SM have all the same rules.“

“No-, like gawking over someone gets you to pack your bags and leave, Yuta.“

“Okay?“ He couldn’t understand where you led him, neither did you.

“And you’re a whole damn man, that comes to see me at night.“ 

“That’s why I didn’t come to the entrance where all those CCTV cams could see us.“

“Yeah.“ You gave him a nod but clearly didn’t acknowledge what he said properly, continuing on with what you were saying “Not even a year ago one of the guys at the company got his contract terminated because he was allegedly breaking the no dating rule. Our producer is very strict with those rules, he says it has to be at least 5 years before we should even think of dating. Otherwise we’re not dedicated enough.“ you paused because you would love to feel Yuta’s grip on your fingers. If he touched you, you would���ve stopped to crash these things at him.

“I see, you’re trying to refuse me.“ How would he make a conclusion like that when you didn’t even know yourself, what you were trying to do.

“No. I’m just stating facts. For you… to consider.“

“I have considered all those things. Nothing’s changed for me. I still find you very beautiful, I’m still deeply attracted to you.“ You felt a butterfly flop inside your chest. This was such a relief to hear - Yuta still wanted you. 

“Me too.“ You half whispered, you really didn’t want to admit something like that out loud where people could see and hear you. You suddenly felt a little conscious doing these things in front of your literal dorm, where you didn’t have friends, but a whole damn building of people that would happily sneak on you to free one more spot in the competition, but the man in front of you didn’t feel the same way. Yuta moved his foot a step forward, knocking it against your shoe. His fingers laced through yours once again in such electrifying movement you almost lost all your consciousness and leaned in to kiss him. Yuta pulled you towards him, taking a couple steps back from the lit up pavement, to the more dark and private space under a tree. 

“Fuck, I really missed even simply holding on to your fingers.“ Yuta sighed miserably. He squeezed your hands like he regretted every previous decision he made and you believed the boy that stood right in front of you. You believed because despite not making a lot of moves to reunite yourself, you longed and waited and held that little something you had between you close to your heart. You believed you were loving him, because you couldn’t say you knew for sure, you didn’t know much about love enough to state it. You loved your dad, because he was your parent, he took care of you, understood you, listened to you, helped you through hardships, took your side when everyone - or more accurately your mom - were against you. You loved Jaehyun, because he was the first person in your life that could understand you. With no mockery, jealousy or humiliation. He reached for the same goals and understood you completely. In addition to that, he knew how to make you smile, how to make you feel better, when you were down. He seemed to genuinely care for you and who you were, he cared for every little thing you told him or showed him. You loved him because his ways of being your friend helped you become a good one for him, or at least, you were hoping you were still in the process to become one. You loved him just because he was Jaehyun, your best friend, your first friend in SM and your first best friend in the whole wide world.

But Yuta… you felt like you loved him because when he kissed you that first time, your whole being flipped. You don’t remember how or why you existed before that. At first you were obviously, clearly very much shocked at the action. A) you were a baby back then, you didn’t really think of anything like that; b) you were scared of anything related to attraction to other people since something like that would clearly take a toll on your success and debut - and maybe it already did - and you just didn’t want to admit. You were loving Yuta in a completely different way - in a way what you considered a grown woman love a grown man. Not sure if the type together forever kind of love, but together for a long time type of way. You were feeling that heaviness of excitement in your chest now that Yuta was staring at you like that. Your feelings might’ve started to feel like nothing in the past weeks, because you were busy and alone and maybe a little hopeless, but him being here right now made it overwhelming. 

“Me too.“ You meowed in his hold. You weren’t able to talk properly, to stand your ground - no way at all. You were mushy in his hold, if he’d pull your hands down, you’d fold right before him in a second. 

“I still am very much in love with you.“ He leaned in and brushed his lips over your cheek. You felt heated in a nano-second, squeezing Yuta’s fingers tighter in your hold. You tried to free one of your hands to hug his waist, but his fingers felt like claws over yours.

“Me too.“ You whispered breathlessly as your mouth tried to find Yuta’s, lick into it even for the briefest moment and then do whatever the hell he would want to, but he moved away and you found it in yourself to talk. “I have to be honest. This company, it really can’t be compared to SM, everything is different and I’m scared. Of how this is going to go, I’m scared that someone is possibly watching us right now and I’m going to get kicked out tomorrow. I am so scared that following what my heart wants in love department will ruin what I want to have in my career. I fear that having a boyfriend is going to end things for me. Maybe for you too. We’re risking a lot. So much, Yuta.“ 

“It’s fine.“ Hm? What does he mean it’s fine…? “Just don’t tell them I’m your boyfriend, just a guy friend from way back. We won’t put a label on it for everyone to see. There’s Jaehyun and there’s me, no difference for everyone else. No one should care about what we’re doing in privacy, when being with each other. Who would care to find out that the difference between me and Jaehyun is that I’m desperately in love with you? Well, huh, wait.“ Yuta paused, smirked and raised an brow at you with his signature playful smile. “How does that make me any different from Jaehyun then?“ Yuta smarted quickly, full on beaming so proud of his own joke. You punched his shoulder playfully, finally being able to get away from his grip. Now that he made jokes about Jaehyun, it almost felt like nothing at all changed. 

-

“Congratulations, boo.“ Jaehyun shoved a bouquet in your face. You smiled, taking the flowers from his grip, giving them barely a glance as your hand turned them facing down. Your eyes darted from one corner to the other, not focusing on Jaehyun even for the slightest second. If you did though, you would’ve noticed how his smile turned downwards as his eyes soaked in your indifference. You were thankful that he came, you were so happy he came for you, but there was a main question that needed to be asked. 

“Where’s Yuta?“ You asked impatiently. Jaehyun’s eyes, that lit up upon your attention on him extinct as he heard your question.

“Don’t know.“ He had to clear his throat before replying. 

“Don’t you live together?“  You scrutinised Jaehyun, almost too accusatory for such a public instance. 

“I’m sorry.“ Jaehyun lowered his gaze to the ground, hitting your heart with a pang and maybe finally bringing you back to your senses. You smiled apologetically, almost poking his cheek at how terribly cute he looked with his head down, apologising for not knowing whereabouts of your not-boyfriend-boyfriend. You pressed Jaehyun’s bouquet to his chest and he jerked his head up in fear at first, relaxing as he saw your soft face expression. Did he think you were going to throw those flowers at him? You almost felt hurt that your best friend thought you were a bitch. 

“You have nothing to apologise for. You came to my graduation despite being a very busy boy.“ You murmured as softly as possible being surrounded by hundreds of other school graduates. Jaehyun showed you his dimples and you took a step forward, keeping the flowers to his chest. “You’re the very best, as usual.“ Jaehyun chuckled and tapped the top of your head.

“Don’t“ he beamed, pleased.

“And very sweet, you didn’t have to buy me peonies.“ You ogled properly the flowers, to not ogle over Jaehyun. His hand on the top of your hair felt like lava dripped down from where he touched you. It felt too hot, despite it being very early February. You found his hand with your free one, touching his palm with yours and making sure it wasn’t even hot, it was your body having thermoregulations issues. 

“You came to my graduation, I came to yours. That’s what best friends do, boo.“ Jaehyun wiggled your fingers in his hold, making you emotional. That’s what best friends do, then what the f is the boyfriend doing - not coming to one important thing in your life. 

“I think ‘boo’ has romantic under text, Jaehyun.“ you chuckled, processing what he called you. “Someone might overhear us and think we’re romantically involved.“ You chuckled at the thought, it seemed a little funny to you, when your eyes still searched for Yuta with peripheral vision. 

“It’s only romantic if you make it sound this way. I was envisioning boo like a ghost, because you’ve been more of a ghost in my life for the past half a year. You’ve been ghosting me, boo.“ He smirked as he smarted his last sentence, and you swallowed a chuckle, moving your head disapprovingly. You hugged him instead of an answer, squeezing the flowers between your bodies because you felt weird and thought it’d be a great shield from direct contact with his body. “Love you.“ Jaehyun whispered lowly above your ear, his arm squeezing your shoulders, the other one patting your back. “Not romantically, in case you’ve started to imagine things.“ He chuckled and you couldn’t stop yourself from pinching his side. 

“Shut up.“ You tried to wiggle out of the hug, Jaehyun’s fingers only gripping tighter onto your shoulder. “I love you, too.“

“I hope no one’s taking pics, huh.“ Jaehyun immediately let go of you, pulling back up the face mask on his face, as if the past 10 minutes weren’t enough to recognise him for whoever wanted to recognise him. 

“I’m here for Jungkook’s graduation.“ he pushed the flowers against your chest once again and took a very big step back. “I don’t even know you. Who are you, again?“ He squeezed his eyes like he couldn’t see you and you shrugged. He was talking at least two times louder, like he couldn’t hear you through the crowd and you needed to keep up with him. 

“Don’t know you either… are you sure you’re Jungkook’s friend? I don’t think he ever mentioned you.“ Your pointing finger made a zigzag in the air, like it could help you remember something. “Do you even see him?“ You smirked because Jaehyun have not stepped a foot away from you since the moment he arrived and it didn’t seem like he was trying to look for anyone else.

“Just lost him out of my sight.“ Jaehyun scratched his forehead like he tried to remember which direction his friend went.

“I see.“ You nodded, smiling because Jaehyun couldn’t keep his face straight. He shoved the flowers against your face to hide you from him.

“Oh! Jaehyunie!“ You heard an exclamation from behind.

“My princess!“ You jumped in place, quickly turning to find the source of that sound, finally training your eyes on the man that tried to crawl through all students and families. 

“Dad!“ You exclaimed and lost yourself in a hug. 

“Congratulations, I’m so proud of you.“ Your dad kissed both your cheeks, before one more bouquet appeared before your eyes. 

“Thank you.“ You smiled and kissed your fathers cheek in return.

“Come here, greet your mother.“ Your mom called for you, somehow her hand settled on Jaehyun’s wrist, the deadly grip making it impossible for him to disappear. You gave your mom a quick hug, and allowed her to kiss your cheek. “We should take a photo together. Jaehyun, take one for us.“

“Of course, ma’am.“ Jaehyun bowed like a well-trained puppy and showed you his dimples for encouragement. Your mum forced the face mask off his face somewhere in the process, you laughed.

“One, two, say kimchi.“ He pressed onto the cameras button and the sound of shutter let you know the photo was taken.

“Now with your mom only.“ Your father pressed you into your mothers side and forced you to smile, taking the camera out of Jaehyun’s grip. He stood there awkwardly, next to your dad like he was next in line for something. Another sound of shutter. “Now with me only.“ Your dad took the spot next to you and you tried to pose more enthusiastically than before. Click and the pic is done. Jaehyun blinked quietly, when it felt like a perfect que for him to exit the scene, your dad made it impossible “With Jaehyun now, too!“

“It’s fine.“ Your friend protested as he read confusion on your face. It wasn’t even confusion, you just wanted a picture with Yuta on your graduation day and you were not getting one and you were hurt. You would trade a photo with Jaehyun in a heartbeat to one with Yuta. You anyway had hundreds of pics with Jaehyun, it wouldn’t hurt if you had one less.

“No, come here, Jungkook’s friend.“ you gestured for him to get to you.

“Okay, princess.“ He mocked, making the tone of his voice funny trying to impersonate your dad. You rolled your eyes in fake annoyance, immediately being gagged by your own body when Jaehyun’s arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you into his side. Your head turned to see Jaehyun, because you were flabbergasted all of a sudden and needed to see if he felt any of that. Seemed like he didn’t, he cracked a smile, showing off his dimples, fingers of his free hand forming a V. Sound of shutter and there you have a picture of you staring up at Jaehyun. “One more!“ You shout before anyone could move from their place.

Jaehyun, thank god, moved his hand off your waist to drop it on top of your head and smiled once again. You smiled too, snugging an arm over his waist this time. 

“One, two, three, kimchi!“ Your dad announced loudly and you tickled Jaehyun’s side, forcing a chuckle out his throat. It sounded so unusually low you needed a second to process what that was, because he suddenly make your insides tremble with how low that sound was. You stole a quick glance at Jaehyun, seeing how that tickle made his whiskers appear, you prayed he’d have them visible in the photo too. 

You unglued yourself from your best friend when the two of you stood too close for too long. 

“Who’s Jungkook?“ Your mom wondered.

“Jaehyun’s friend that graduates today too.“ You stated the simple truth.

“Do you know him?“ What did she mean by that? Why did she care? Oh god.

“Jaehyun, do you want to join us for celebratory lunch? Of course, if only your schedule allows you to join us.“ Your dad slightly bowed like Jaehyun was some sort of serious politician, sportsman or at least a senior to him. 

“He’s a celebrity now! Of course he doesn’t have time to dine with us!“ Your mom waved off your father at the silly suggestion.

“No, no, mr and missis y/l/n, I would gladly join your lunch to celebrate graduation of your daughter.“ Jaehyun almost bowed 90 degrees in deepest reverence for your parents and you had to physically catch his shoulder mid way to stop him at least at 45 degrees.

“Ah! Jaehyunie! The tone of your voice, it’s so deep and charming! I can’t believe it, just last time I saw you it wasn’t like that“ Your mom hid her face in her hands in shock, she acted like a whole different person when it came to Jaehyun, you hated how she couldn’t do the same to Yuta, or you. You really didn’t want to remind her she saw him more than a year ago and that his voice has been this way for a little while.

“It just happened overnight.“ Jaehyun chuckled, his ears suddenly turning pink, as he walked in front of you with your parents. You wondered if you’d trail off the route, how quickly they’d notice you were gone.

-

“What is this?“ you felt a rush of warmth throughout your body, making your palm immediately sweaty in Yuta’s hold. You don’t know exactly why would you ask the question, when you could see very clearly for yourself the words above the entrance. Motel. And the door was graced with a piece of paper, that read hourly rates applicable. You felt warm rashes through your body every time you read those words and if you continued you most likely would’ve fell on the floor from high blood pressure. The door opened and you tore your hand from Yuta’s hold, hiding your face even more behind the mask and the cap you wore. You had another rash of sweat down your spine as you saw people walk down the stairs, both the man and the lady looked like they had sex just a minute ago, which honestly most likely wasn’t a mistake. It was an hourly motel, at the end of the day.

“A place, where you and I can be one on one with no fear of being seen, disturbed or whatever.“ Yuta found your hand once again and squeezed it.

“It’s an hourly motel.“ You said out loud and felt even more sweat form on your lower back. If Yuta wasn’t able to distinguish your feelings by your face that hid behind clothing, he should’ve definitely felt it in the tone of your voice. You almost lost balance on your two feet as another couple walked past you, this time inside the building and if it wasn’t for Yuta’s grip on you, you would’ve took off away right then and there. 

“Yes, it doesn’t matter. Does it? You and me together is the only thing that matters.“

“What if someone sees us?“ Your throat gave up on you as the thought gave you a whiplash. 

“Trust me, just trust me. Come on.“ Yuta moved your body in front of his, grabbing your face with his hands. Despite your endless will to trust him, you were having second hand thoughts on the idea. “Do you really want to leave? I promise you, I really tried to pick a good one. Coming in or leaving?“ Yuta asked concerned, now that he was able to see your eyes he could very clearly tell that you were concerned - well who wouldn’t - and tried to make you feel better. 

“Coming in.“ your voice sounded weaker than usual. Yuta smiled and kissed your face, where he’d guessed through the mask your mouth was and dragged you behind himself.

“Why are you not taking the mask off?“ Yuta glanced quickly at your unmoving body on the corner of the bed, before continuing with whatever he was doing in his backpack. The thing did seem packed to the brim and you were curious what Yuta had in there, before he brought you to the hourly motel. It did look nice inside, despite the room being small and obviously cheap - it was relatively fresh renovation and almost didn’t look like you rented this thing for 5 hours, though you couldn’t kill the thought of people coming in here to specifically have sex, and you couldn’t stop thinking on the number of people that had sex in this exact room and you couldn’t stop thinking how you most likely are going to end up doing the same thing and what’s even worse than that, you couldn’t stop thinking-

“What if there’s a hidden camera? Or worse… many cameras?“ You couldn’t even lift your hand to reveal your face to possibly hidden viewers in this room. 

“What?“ Yuta chuckled at your -ridiculous- suggestion, before swallowing and leaving his backpack alone to stand in front of you. The bed had tall legs, allowing Yuta to not bend too much to be on your level. His fingers squeezed your cheeks and forced the face mask down your face. “I wouldn’t bring you to some weird ass place with sperm sprayed all over the walls.“ Well, good, but still, you would’ve appreciated an actual hotel much more. “I heard good things about this place from my friends… well, because not everyone is Jeong Jaehyun with an apartment in Apgujeong.“ there was no emotion in the tone of his voice, he was just saying things he thought, but it stung so fucking badly how he always had to put Jaehyun in comparison. Even if his family home was in the most expensive district of Seoul, it didn’t mean Yuta was any poor coming here from Japan. He was poor because in the circumstance he was a foreigner with no home and was sent a certain amount by his parents, not because he didn’t have any money at home. It wasn’t about Jaehyun or this place or anything else at all. It was about you and Yuta, but somehow he wanted it to be about someone else too. “Anyway, my friends come here sometimes, it’s not too low class, at least these sheets are clean, okay? Once I have a better option, we won’t have to do it like that.“

“Okay.“ You gave Yuta an unnoticeable nod, his lips brushing the corner of your lips in reply. 

“There’s no hidden cam, don’t even think of such things. I wouldn’t bring you to a place like that nor would I risk my very real career for a fuck.“ Very real as if in what you were doing wasn’t that real? Or were you trying to read between the lines too much because you were in a very smitten mood. Almost in a mood where if you weren’t your usual mushy self when it came to Yuta you would’ve stood up and left. Because this was making you feel uncomfortable to an extent you can’t describe. “It’s your birthday, I just wanted us to be together. I have a surprise, close your eyes.“ Yuta smiled at you sweetly, like when he wanted you to do things he wanted and you didn’t. You gave him a smile too, because you were getting all grumpy and unfriendly because whatever this was didn’t meet with your expectations. You pecked his lips and closed your eyes with a smile on your lips that hurt a little, because you were trying really hard not to think of your last birthday, when Jaehyun invited you to that Apgujeong home and made you feel happy. 

You listened to Yuta’s shuffling, probably in that backpack of his, finally you felt his knees bump into yours as he got back in front of you and you felt his fingers wrap around yours. “You can open your eyes.“ And you did so on command, met with a view of Yuta in a birthday hat, throwing a spiral confetti in your face. “Happy birthday!“

“Thank you.“ You smiled, flinching as the thrown confetti almost hit your face. Yuta’s now free hand pushed your cap off your head, forcefully putting on a party cone that said birthday girl. You chuckled sincerely, helping Yuta with the elastic band over your chin. 

“I love you, birthday girl.“ you beamed because despite what you just thought and felt you loved him too. Yuta leaned in to you a little more making the ring on his necklace visible from his shirt, you didn’t even have a second to think, you just leaned in and kissed his mouth, because there was nothing else to do. The past year have been very tough on the both of you. You started it off badly with your transition and after that long break of not talking to each other you rebuild what you had in a very low-key manner. Too low-key even for your liking, you couldn’t imagine what Yuta felt like. You could quite possibly count on your fingers the number of times the two of you kissed, so kissing him like this felt a little unreal. Just your lips on Yuta’s, being able to move slowly, marking every bit of his mouth with love and need, to be in his arms and continue kissing him like that. You invited Yuta’s tongue in your mouth, as he moved it slowly against your closed lips. He finally grabbed onto your neck, allowing for you to slightly back up against his hold, because it was hard for you to hold your composure. You almost forgot how good of a kisser Yuta was - not that you had anyone to compare it to - your tongue licked against his and as your body leaned back against the mattress, Yuta chased your mouth, not wishing to break the kiss even for a moment, finding balance next to your shoulders. “You’re making it incredibly hard to focus on anything else, my love.“ Yuta found it in him to pull away for a moment, only to lean back in and kiss your cupids bow, pressing his nose against your cheek. 

“What were you planning to do, bringing me to an hourly motel?“ You chuckled, not even annoyed anymore, just curious because it did sound a little funny to you.

“We probably spent less than 24 hours together in a whole damn year since your last birthday. Doing anything together is fine. I mean it when I say I miss you.“ Yuta bit onto his lip, staring you down. “I haven’t seen you up close like this probably in a whole fucking year, and you’re my girlfriend. How ridiculous is that?“  

“I always think of that time we went to Japan and had a real nice date. That is the sweetest thing anyone ever did to me.“

“Me too, I always think about that night.“ Yuta’s lips kissed your jaw, as his body dropped on the bed next to you, unable to hold his bodyweight with his arms any longer. “When your first vacation comes, first thing we’re doing - a trip anywhere, just you and me.“

“Promise?“ Your heart chirped, that’s exactly a promise you needed from him.

“Yes, love, promise.“ Yuta cosied himself on the mattress, snaking both his hands to lay half of you on top of him. 

“What if our schedules don’t ever match up?“ You worried.

“I don’t think it’s possible for us to never match in schedules. Don’t worry, I’ll make it work for you.“ Yuta’s fingers trailed a line from your elbow to the shoulder. You had to swallow, because you really wanted to ask him why would he not make it work for your school graduation when Jaehyun did make it work. Jaehyun, who was a little busier with schedules than Yuta, you needed to be a blind fool to not notice how your friend had side gigs and Yuta didn’t. He had no excuse to not come, the thought been eating you up for months. You had to swallow it once again, because you didn’t want to fight, because maybe not saying a thing about it now, months after, was the best thing for you. Maybe Yuta couldn’t even remember by now, since he never brought it up himself.

-

You rolled your arms before your body, bouncing slightly on the floor to the beat, as the last beat approached, you counted in your head 1 and 2 and 3 and 4, and stood up gracefully with a turn in the ending pose. After a pause for not longer than 5 seconds you heard intensive clapping and even sounds of encouragement behind you. 5 people in front of you though kept their faces emotionless, but somehow it didn’t faze you anymore. They always tried to keep that mysterious aura, fear everyone to insecurity and plain panic, but if you worked hard they didn’t usually say a bad thing-or more likely you didn’t hear them say bad things to you and others-, well, you developed an ability of turning your brain off as soon as your bum met with the floor and you weren’t sure how things went for others. It’s been a year and you still didn’t make many friends in the company and at this point pretty much gave up and kept everyone as friendly acquaintance. At least they didn’t want to be mean in your face, fake friendliness you could bare with. Everyone clapped and cheered because it’d paint them as supportive friends and good people - more points when it comes to evaluations. You knew the rule and followed it yourself, this clearly wasn’t the place to be not like other girls, but it didn’t change anything.

You bent a little and caught your breath in two heavy breathes, straining your back back at the evaluation committee. 

“Good.“ Your choreographer nodded to fellow evaluators. “Questions, notes, grades?“ 

“Could you share with us why you chose the choreography and the song?“ Mr.Lee, the creative director asks you.

“Theme of this month is hip-hop, we had guest choreographers this month that helped us improve our hip-hop skills. I wanted to do something fresh and relevant, something that would allow for you to see my improvement, but wouldn’t be a copy-paste of things we did in class. Seemed like a perfect choice.“ You noticed a slight nod in the oratory teachers’ head, you breathed in satisfied - you definitely checked off a box in her list. 

“Wasn’t the song released on Wednesday? You learned it in one day?“ your choreographer continued with the questions, only to be interrupted by JYP himself.

“You didn’t prepare for the evaluation well? Choosing a song so new is very irresponsible.“ The song was released just a day ago, they were right, but you did prepare for the evaluation thoroughly. You’ve been learning this choreo whenever you had an opportunity to see or hear Yuta, whenever the two of you face timed or very rarely talked in person. You would’ve told them the truth if it didn’t borne more questions and awkward stares. Your only option was to claim you were able to learn it in one glance.  

“No, I was preparing GOT7’s Never Ever, but heard the NCT song yesterday and thought how it clearly fits the hip-hop theme better. Changed my choice last minute.“ Yes, you somehow had the crazy idea of doing Cherry Bomb for the monthly evaluation in a day after it was released. You hoped it was believable you were able to learn the dance in a day. They looked at you for a few seconds and you didn’t understand the meaning behind the stare. “I believe I was able to show my own colour while following the choreography flawlessly and be on theme.“ You stated confidently, they tried to push you into insecurity - it was their way of doing things, one of already debuted artists at the company shared the life hack. Stand your ground and talk confidently - they’ll accept any answer as long as they don’t see you flinch at persistence. 

“If you learned the choreo that flawlessly in a day it’s impressive.“ Your choreographer smiled at you in a very low-key manner and you bowed, to show your gratitude and hide traces of a smile you swallowed.

“Did you learn the whole dance or just the dance break?“ Your eyes darted back at JYP that seemed curious. 

You knew by heart the whole thing through Yuta’s part. The only reason you chose the dance break hid behind the fact that somehow NCT had the most embarrassing dance moves throughout the song and doing all those jumps and weird hand movements in front of all these people on your own would’ve killed you. For real. The dance break plus last chorus including that part where you had to drop on your back for the ending point was the perfect fit for the 60 seconds you were given to perform. 

“I learned most of the song, but I enjoyed the dance break and chorus the most, thus decided to show that part.“

“Okay, I have nothing to add. If you’re ready, we can get to singing.“ you nodded and took a step to the mark on the floor. 

You had a tingling sensation of nervousness at the back of your neck. It was always advised to not take long to start off, otherwise you could possibly be asked to step away as unprofessional. You took a breath and made a sound with your throat. 

“Ah, I heard you took first place in your evaluation group.“ Yeji smiled at you, you gave her a barely noticeable nod as you and a bunch of other people left the elevator. “Cool, that means we’re training in the same group for the upcoming month.“ You stopped midway as you were pulling your mask up, almost automatic move as you were leaving the building. 

“You placed first?“ You exclaimed, your voice resonating probably through the whole hall. She gave you an excited nod, and you felt so happy for her. She worked so hard to beat everyone this time and you jumped excitedly, squeezing the girl in front of you excitedly. She clearly was taken aback for a moment, hence the two of you never hugged or had much physical contact in the past year, but you felt happy for her and maybe felt like it was the time to break the wall. You let go of Yeji, grabbing her wrists next and jumping excitedly, making the girl hyped up and jump with you. “Yay! Yeji, I’m so proud of you.“ Your fingers squeezed the life out of her wrists. “They want us to do duet for this month, to see how well we work in smaller teams.“

“Really? I haven’t heard of this months’ theme yet. If you don’t have a partner yet, it’d be such an honour for me to pair up with you.“

“Stop! It’s no honour and I would love to work on something with you.“

“Yay!“ She clapped and her pretty eyes and smile made you so happy. You genuinely felt happy for her, you genuinely felt proud. You felt a little flare up in your chest that you didn’t want it to ignite too much, but the thought crossed your mind anyway. If only we could debut together. 

[iamiamiam1111]

Challenge Progress:

so I’m doing @lotusmi‘s void challengeeee!

but I’m also using it in the case of making my life perfect and it works really well.

22nd February 2023:(Day-1)

okay it’s only day-1 and I’ve already seen great results. 

- usually,when I wake up,I instantly go and check for more void success storie for motivation which is a bad habit ik but today,right after waking up,I ranted about how it’s super easy to get into the void state which is so aNnOyInG. right after that,I didn’t feel the urge to do that anymore. i knew that I get into the void effortlessly becuz I said so.

- in the afternoon,I put the sleep paralysis vid recommended by @gorgeouslypink. i never tried to induce sleep paralysis before so it’s time I do it. (nah I just was in the mood to do it today so I did lmao). i closed my eyes and affirmed for the void and I felt like I was being sucked out of my body and after a few minutes,I fell back into my body. but I was close.

but the thing is…

that is not how you induce sleep paralysis. 😭 

you should set a timer for 5 hours first but I obviously didn’t recheck the sleep paralysis post and I just stayed still for like 10 minutes.

but it kinda worked ‘cause I assumed it did so-

- my void concept has gotten a lot better. now I do find void to be a part of my life. it’s easy and effortless for me to enter because I am the void. i don’t find void to be an impossible task to do. (I didn’t rlly find it impossible before but I did assume multiple times that it was hard to get into the void which was a huge mistake of mind because it’s super easy to enter.)

- my self concept has gotten better too. I have been manifesting things more effortlessly and i admire myself whenever I look in the mirror. (self-love 😌❤️) I also ranted about how I was addicted to studying and how it was SO annoying that I always get full marks. the board exams (finals) are starting in 4 days so I’ll tell you how it does. about the studying part,I studied ALOT today. I don’t even study like this usually. but today,I studied a lottt without my parents lecturing me to do so. my parents complimented me on this wheeee.

these are the results so far.

 i am gunna try the @gorgeouslypink‘s Fild method when I wake up tmr because to me,it’s an easy method and I have had multiple successes of getting lucid dreams so this method resonates with me. thank you for reading! have a great day!

24th February 2023:(Day-2,Friday)

alright so today will be counted as day-2 because yesterday,I took a break. BUT GUESS WHAT?

today,I did an alpha state meditation and after affirming that I’m in the void for a few minutes,I GOT IN!  I affirmed for this specific flavour of pringles and this specific flavour of dairy milk lmao.  idk I just felt like it (food is life) and then,I got out of the void AND I GOT IT!

I have to make a void list to manifest the next time I enter the void.

i manifested a magnum icecream bar too but I already ate it lmao…oops.

Ik this seems like a simple desire but still…nothing compares to food. I should’ve manifested a feast but-

I’ve been wanting pringles for a while and specifically the pizza flavour and I just got some random chocolate that came to my mind to go along with it uwu.

Here’s proof: