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sescoups · 7 months ago

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on my knees - choi seungcheol

masterlist

summary: your best friend and roommate is out of the country, and you come home to find nothing short of a disaster. who else would you have called but her brother?

word count: ~9k oops

a/n: I have no fucking clue what happened to me, but I just started writing and then didn't stop for like 4 hours so. here you go. you're welcome and also I'm sorry.

18+ MDNI!! warnings under the cut!

warnings: heavy kissing, seungcheol is the epitome of a Simp, p in v sex, unprotected sex (don't), oral sex (f receiving), slight size kink, let me know if I missed something!

You had been best friends with Sua since you were both six years old. One of the older boys had pushed you onto the ground, wanting to be ahead of you in the line for the slide. Most of the other kids had laughed as tears started pouring down your cheeks, your knee rubbed red and raw and your pretty dress covered in dust and gravel.

“Are you really so immature you can’t even wait your turn?” a small voice had piped up.

Through the haze of your tears, you had seen a pretty black-haired girl kneel down to help you out. She had brushed away the worst of the dirt from your dress, and leaned in to look at your knee.

“I don’t know much about scrapes,” she said thoughtfully, “but I think you should clean it. That’s what my mom always says to me and my brother.” Then she smiled before standing up and glaring at the boy again. “You’re a poopyhead, and I will never play with you.”

Thinking back on it as adults, you always laughed at her phrasing; even more amusing was the way the little boy had taken Sua’s comment way too seriously and tried to fight her in the playground. Before any of the adults had been able to intervene, Sua’s older brother had stepped between the two of them menacingly, arms crossed across his chest. He was three years older, so the other boy quickly back-tracked when faced with Seungcheol’s nine-year old frame. After the little boy had run away out of fear, crying, the two siblings had helped you off the ground and to your parents.

The rest was history; playdates as children, study dates in middle and high school, and spending every single summer vacation together. You had gone from climbing trees to shopping at the mall, and from learning the alphabet to crying your way through chemistry together. Well, you more than her, but still. The suffering was mutual.

Your dynamic remained largely unchanged throughout the years. You were the crier, and Sua was the fixer. You hated the way you cried at the smallest inconveniences, and often felt bad for Sua for having to fix it, but she always said it was cute. She said you were just like that, and that was okay. Sua had her own quirks, mainly being quick to anger - you reassured her that you didn’t mind holding her back from fights and silencing her before she could yell insults at undeserving people, so really, you were the same. Just, you know, in a different way.

Another thing that never really changed was the way Seungcheol took care of the both of you. He helped out with homework when he could, taught Sua how to fight (truly a dubious decision considering her anger, but that was his business and not yours), and scared away any icky boys that were mean to you.

It was a very different dynamic to how other siblings seemed to act, but since you were an only child, you wouldn’t really know. Though, to be fair, he seldom held back the snarky comments when the opportunity presented itself. He would roll his eyes whenever you cried, call Sua an idiot when she didn’t understand a math problem, and generally be a dick when you played games together. It was all in good fun, you supposed.

Now, being 24 years old and two years out of college, Sua was your roommate and your rock. She was the one who put up with your generally messy habits and lack of cooking acumen, and she only complained once a month or so. In return, you were the one to make sure bills were paid on time and keep the freezer stocked with ice cream during the hot summer months. A symbiotic relationship, if you’d ever seen one.

You saw significantly less of Seungcheol, though he was far from an uncommon fixture in your household. He knew the code for the keypad on the door, so sometimes he just showed up unannounced to raid your kitchen and take a nap on your couch, but you didn’t mind. He did tend to fix anything that was broken and clean up whatever you couldn’t be bothered to, so the transaction was fair in your opinion.

One fateful Tuesday, you received a call during your lunch break at work. Usually, you wouldn’t answer, preferring to take your 45 minutes to scroll down your social media feeds aimlessly while eating your food, but Sua had always had special privileges, so you picked up anyway.

“Hey, sorry, I know I’m interrupting your scheduled vegetable time,” she started, and you snorted in response.

“I am not eating anything with vegetables in it, and I think you know it.” You were opening the store-bought lunchbox while speaking, your phone tucked between your elbow and your cheek.

“If I didn’t cook you dinner every day, you would have scurvy,” she shot back without a second’s hesitation. “No, dumbass, I meant your own brain-turning-to-vegetable time. Duh.”

“Oh, that,” you replied, unphased by her insults and generally snarky tone. You were used to it. And also kind of deserved it.

“Yeah. Well anyway, something came up at work and I’m gonna have to take an unscheduled work trip.”

“Cool. Where to?”

“Tokyo, so not that far,” she sighed, and you could picture her running her fingers through her hair. She never did well with unexpected travel plans. “I have to leave tonight. I just thought I’d let you know, so you can make plans to get takeout tonight.”

You scoffed down the line, placing a forkful of bulgogi in your mouth and chewing quickly. God bless convenience store lunchboxes. “I know how to take care of myself, mom.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, you slob.” Again, you could picture Sua’s nose crinkling in disgust. “I’m kidding, by the way. I know you can take care of yourself. Just letting you know I’m leaving so you don’t think I’ve been kidnapped or killed or something.”

“Thank God I don’t have to deal with the paperwork for a missing person,” you deadpanned and took a drink of your Sprite. “No but for real, enjoy the trip. I’ll be fine, and so will you.”

“Thanks,” your best friend sighed back. “I’ll be back in a week or so. I’m gonna go home and pack now, so if anything’s a mess when you get home- actually, nevermind. That doesn’t bother you at all. Bye.”

“Hey-” you started to protest, but the line went dead and you rolled your eyes.

Well. At least now you could have sushi for dinner without having to listen to Sua complain about the smell of raw fish.

You were so ready to become a couch potato as soon as you came home. One of the new employees at work, Jun, had screwed up a pretty important document, so you’d had to stay late and help him fix it. It wasn’t his fault, he was still new, but you were tired nonetheless. You took your shoes off by the door and turned the lights on in the kitchen, placing the bag of takeout on the counter before you heard it.

The water.

You had never had any issues with the pipes in your apartment, but something had obviously gone wrong with the pipes under the bathroom sink, because the floor was absolutely flooded. You gasped and shut your eyes tightly for a second, willing the problem to be miraculously gone as soon as you opened them again. Alas, no such luck.

The tears pressed behind your eyes, begging to make their escape. You tried to hold them back as you thought about what to do to solve the problem. The faucet wasn’t on, so it was definitely the pipes. Damn. You thought about calling the apartment management and asking for help, but their turnover time was two days at the best of times, and the office was already closed for the day. You heaved a deep sigh as you settled on the best option you could think of. You pressed the name in your contacts and begged the universe that he would pick up.

“What’s up?”

Seungcheol sounded relaxed and unbothered, and you could hear the chatter of a TV in the background. You hated to bother him, but hey, it was his little sister’s apartment too. You cleared your throat to try and get rid of the thickness in your throat brought on by the tears.

“Hey, Cheol,” you began, and you heard him sit up immediately and pause whatever was playing on the TV.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

He sounded worried; he usually only called you an endearment when he was worried or teasing you. Clearing your throat had evidently not been enough to get rid of the tears in your voice. Some of them finally escaped in tracks down your cheeks, and you swore, leaning your forehead against the doorframe.

“So uh, I just got home, and Sua isn’t here because she’s in Tokyo and I-”

“Y/N, I don’t care about Sua right now. I know she’s fine, she landed half an hour ago. What’s going on with you?”

“The guest bathroom is flooded, like completely, and I don’t know what to do.”

You heard the rustling of clothes and what sounded like keys jingling through the phone. “Jesus Christ, I thought you were fucking dying,” Seungcheol scolded, and you hiccupped a little, apologizing. “No, don’t worry darling, I’m coming over to help, okay?”

“Okay.”

You were sniffling, and you heard him curse under his breath. You hung up after a quick goodbye, and then you were left alone with the mess again. Looking closer, you realized that the bath mat was soaked along with a towel left on the floor. You sighed and took your socks off, deciding to do something productive while waiting for your knight in shining armor.

You took a picture and sent it to Sua, who replied immediately with a bunch of question marks and swear words directed to the apartment management. She also realized they would be no help at this hour. Great.

Once the soaked bath mat and towel were hung up and dripping into the tub as opposed to the flooded floor, you started clearing out some of the decorations that were taking up floor space. There was a giant plant, two laundry baskets, and a really heavy wooden dresser that held all your clean towels - you didn’t want the wood to rot.

You heard the door open while you were in the process of moving the plant. Honestly, you should have waited for Seungcheol to move this one; the plant was heavy as fuck and really awkward to carry, and you could feel your back protesting before you had even gotten it outside of the bathroom.

“What the hell, Y/N.”

The voice was closely followed by a pair of hands grabbing the plant from you and heaving it outside of the door in mere seconds. Showoff.

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol asked after placing the plant down on a towel, grabbing your upper arm gently. You nodded, and he sighed, squeezing your arm. “Let’s see the- oh fuck.”

You couldn’t help it, you started laughing. Hysterically. The bathroom floor was covered in two inches of water, and the sound of more spraying out was echoing off the walls. Your best friend’s brother glared at you for two seconds before he started laughing too. It wasn’t funny, but it kind of was. How had this even happened? And how had Sua not seen anything when she was home to pack?

“Sorry, Cheol,” you giggled, wiping under your eyes to get rid of the tears that were still falling. Typical. “I, uh, wanted to move the plant and the dresser to make more room and-”

“Darling, that plant was almost heavier than you are. Not to mention that dresser. What were you thinking?”

His voice soothed your panic. He had been solving your problems for the past eighteen years, after all; this was nothing he couldn’t handle. He looked ruffled, you realized. He had been relaxing after a long day at work when you called, and had gotten to your apartment as fast as he could just to help you. And now he was here, being all nice and caring and calling you sweet names. You felt like a stupid child.

“I-I’m sorry. For calling you, I shouldn’t have, I-”

“Absolutely not. You can call me about anything at any time, you got that?” he asked sternly, gazing directly into your eyes. You swallowed, but nodded. His words gave you unwelcome butterflies, the intensity of his gaze making you look away.

“Got it,” you replied when a nod didn’t seem to be enough for him. “Uhm, so how do we deal with this?”

For a moment, the only sound you could hear was the steady spray of water coming from under the sink. You realized that all the products underneath would be useless now, and you would probably have to change out the entire cabinet housing the pipes. You felt a migraine start a steady throb against your temples, and you deflated even more, resting against the doorway.

“It’s okay, I’ll fix it for you, darling,” Seungcheol said softly, pulling you in for a hug. Your stomach erupted in butterflies again. You seriously needed some psychological help. “Just go change, okay? You must be exhausted.”

You shook your head, but relented when he lifted an eyebrow at you. You went to your room and closed the door. For a moment, you just stood there, staring at nothing. Your bathroom was flooded. And your best friend’s brother was helping you fix it, calling you sweet nicknames and saying shit straight out of a romance novel - as if your dumb crush on him needed any more encouragement. You sunk onto the edge of your bed for a moment, just breathing deeply and blinking back more tears. Enough was enough.

When you were fourteen or so, you’d had a crush on Seungcheol. Who wouldn’t? He was tall, pretty, smelled good, and helped you with your homework. Ever since then, it would come and go, usually at the most inopportune times. You appreciated his looks pretty often, particularly when he came over to fix stuff for you and Sua, but you tried not to think about it much - mostly out of self preservation. He was still pretty, still nice, still smelled good, and whenever you let your mind wander for more than five seconds, you knew you were in danger.

You definitely should get it under control. First of all, he had known you since you were six. He had seen all your weird phases, watched you find your own identity, and that came with some really cringy stuff. Additionally, you were his little sister’s best friend. You had some loyalty to her, sure, but more than anything you were sure that he saw you as an extra sister or something. Considering the amount of time you had spent at their house growing up, that would only be logical.

Armed with the reminder of why he would never be into you, you shook it all off. You located your regular home attire - bike shorts and a big t-shirt which origins you forgot - and put your hair up and out of your face. Then you steeled yourself again, vowing not to cry at the sight of the water, and walked back towards the accursed bathroom.

You found Seungcheol on his knees in front of the open cabinet from where the water came. He was hunched over, hand in front of him to block some of the water and seemingly looking for something. His white t-shirt had been sprayed with water, and it was sticking to his chest. You gulped at the sight, repeating that he saw you as an annoying crybaby to yourself in order to stop the stupid butterflies that had seemingly taken up permanent residence in your guts.

“Do you need a flashlight or something?” you asked timidly, making him look up at you. He paused and blinked at you once, twice, before clearing his throat and nodding. You got out your phone and turned the flashlight on, carefully stepping in behind him so as not to splash him.

“I, uh, think we need to remove this middle shelf from the cabinet,” he said, having positioned himself to shield you from the spray.

“Alright,” you replied, placing your phone to the side and leaning to grab the shelf before being stopped by one of his hands. He had placed it carefully on bare skin so as not to get your clothes wet. Damn him. “What? I’ll just grab it and get it out of the way for you.”

He scoffed. “You’ll get wet.”

Now it was your turn to blink at him stupidly, eyes wide and questioning. You could feel your cheeks burning, as did your arm where his hand was resting. This stupid, stupid man was going to make you fall in love with him, and that just couldn’t happen. At all.

“Who cares, Cheol? It’s just water. Let me get it out of your way, and I’ll hold the flashlight again, okay?”

He grimaced, but let go of your arm. You grabbed both sides of the shelf and lifted it. It took a bit of pressure, but eventually it came loose. You backed up slowly and brought the shelf over the tub with the soaked bath mat and dirty towel. Gross.

Even though you had been fast, Seungcheol had been right; your entire torso was soaked with water. You decided that you could do something about it after the leak was dealt with, and so you just ignored it and grabbed your phone again. Your friend was staring at your front with a wrinkle between his brows, mouth open a little, and you rolled your eyes affectionately.

“Cheol.” He looked up at you. “It’s fine. I know you wanted to shield me or whatever, but it’s just a shirt. Now please, help me solve this?”

He nodded wordlessly and turned back to the considerably more spacious cabinet, taking a deep breath. His pout was cute, and you hated your heart for beating faster at the sight of him.

Seungcheol seemed to finally have found what he was looking for, and reached into the cabinet. You altered the angle of the light to make sure he could still see what he was doing despite the shadow of his arm. He grabbed ahold of something and started tugging, his biceps flexing distractingly and his eyebrows screwing up in effort. You were definitely not holding the flashlight in a particularly helpful way anymore, but thankfully your helper didn’t seem to mind.

After a second or two the water slowed before stopping completely, and you cheered out loud. The sound had somehow become grating after only an hour, and the silence was very much welcome. Seungcheol stood up with a wince, holding a hand to his back like an old man. Without thinking, you pulled him into you and gave him a bear hug. You felt tears prick at your eyes again, but held them back. You were just so grateful to have him.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

You felt him laugh against you before he wrapped an arm gently around you and returned the hug. You pressed your cheek to his chest, just standing there and enjoying the embrace for a while before your brain would inevitably come back online. You felt his chin press against the top of your head for a second before he pulled away suddenly.

“Shit, sorry, I’m all-”

“I said I don’t care, stupid,” you scoffed, but your cheeks were definitely getting red now. How could you have just grabbed him like that? And embraced him? You would have cried if you hadn’t been so tired your head felt like it was full of cotton.

Now that you thought about it, you were extremely tired. It felt like a movie effect, the way your blood pressure just suddenly dropped and you swayed to the side. You were expecting a splash and a very uncomfortable kiss with the tile floor, but instead you found yourself back in Seungcheol’s arms. Oh.

Again with the stupid romance novel shit. The universe was testing you for sure. How were you supposed to resist him, really? You were doomed. Even the thought of your infatuation with him being one-sided could no longer bring you back down to the ground. You were simply fucked.

“When was the last time you ate anything?”

And he cares? Fuck the universe, seriously.

“Uhm, I think it was lunch. I stayed pretty late at work, so-”

“Please tell me you have food.”

“Y-Yeah. It’s uh, it’s on the counter in the kitchen.”

Without hesitation, the man picked you up and carried you into the kitchen. Your heart was going crazy, as were the butterflies in your stomach. You were at a loss for words, just going limp in his arms as he brought you to the dining table and placed you on one of the chairs gingerly. You continued to simply blink at him as he disappeared back into the hallway and came back with his hoodie, pulling it over your head before disappearing into the kitchen.

You wanted to scream and kick your feet, because was this man even real? You had no idea how you had deluded yourself into thinking your feelings toward him were sisterly, because currently, your pussy was screaming for him to come ruin you. And honestly? Both your heart and your head kind of agreed at this moment. You were so screwed.

When he came back with your sushi all plated and a glass for the drink you had bought, you couldn’t help but let the tears come back. You hated that you were so weepy, especially in front of a man you apparently were head over heels for, but it was just who you were. You were sad? You cried. Happy? Cried. Angry? Waterworks. You were helpless to it, and apparently to him, too.

“Good job picking up food on the way back home,” he teased, placing the plate in front of you. Then he poured your drink into your glass for you, promptly ignoring the way you were wiping your cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Shut up, I’m an adult,” you pouted back. He snorted loudly and sank into the chair opposite you, looking at you as you picked up your chopsticks and got ready to eat.

“Sometimes, maybe,” he drawled with a smirk. You glared at him, but your teary eyes had little to no effect, and you knew it. “I’m kidding, baby. I know.”

He was still studying your face as you placed the first piece of heaven into your mouth, sighing happily and smiling in delight. It made him smile, too, and you could have died at the sight of his dimples. At this point, you had just accepted the butterflies and their claim to your stomach; doing anything else seemed futile.

“I’m sorry I’m so weepy, Cheol,” you said between bites, pouting a little. He shook his head but you interrupted him before he could speak. “No, really. There was no reason to cry so much, or so many times, but I just- I don’t know. I literally got home right before I called you, and that was, what? At around-”

“9.30.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, leaning back in your chair and tilting your head back in exhaustion. “9.30. I’m just tired, is what I’m trying to say.” You sat back up and huffed, sending him an embarrassed smile.

“And what I’m trying to say,” Seungcheol said while you readjusted the sleeves of his hoodie, “is to not worry about it. I know you’re an emotional person, but that’s okay.” He paused for a second, smiling when you almost dropped your sushi into the soy sauce. “Being emotional is just a tiny part of who you are. You excel at so much; it’s okay to have a few flaws. We all do, I promise. Besides, being emotional isn’t really a flaw, it’s just part of being human.”

At this, you couldn’t help but laugh a little. First of all, he was way too well-spoken to be a man in his twenties. Second of all, if he was implying that he, of all people, had any flaws, he was dead wrong. You had never seen him fail at anything, had never seen him do something awkward, even as a child. God, you wished he had, because maybe then he could have remained the brother of your best friend instead of becoming so incredibly meaningful to you.

“As if you have any flaws,” you mumbled, sticking another piece of food in your mouth. At least the sushi was good.

“Oh please, sweetheart. I’m twenty-seven and single. There’s plenty wrong with me.”

You shook your head vehemently. “Being single is not a flaw, you dummy. It’s just a relationship status. Who cares.”

“As if that’s all it is,” he laughed back.

“Okay, so the fact that I’m single reflects badly on me? ” you asked, raising an eyebrow. “Good to know.”

Your plate was empty, and your chopsticks were resting on the edge of it. The only sound in the apartment was a steady, slow drip from the drying bath mat in the bathroom. You were staring at one another from across the table. Why the tension suddenly was so thick was anyone’s guess. All you knew was that the air in your little kitchen suddenly felt suffocating.

“You’re single?” he asked after a while, and you laughed a little.

“Yeah, Cheol.”

“What about that dude, what was his name… Mingyu?”

“Ew,” you said, wrinkling your nose. “God no. We went on like, one date and then decided it was weird to be anything other than friends. He feels more like a brother than anything.”

“What about Chan?”

“Wh- Chan? That was four years ago,” you laughed, shaking your head. At the curious tilt of his head, you kept going: “He was fine, we just got stressed during college and broke up. It happens.”

Something about this line of questioning felt momentous, for a few reasons. One, he was inquiring about your dating life, a topic the two of you generally never talked about. Two, he remembered the name of potential partners that had been in your life, even ones that hadn’t stuck around for long (or at all, in Mingyu’s case). And three… the way he looked at you was different. There was something in his gaze that you couldn’t place, something you didn’t know if you dared hope for.

“Well he’s obviously an idiot,” Seungcheol said under his breath. You were probably not supposed to hear it, but you did. Your heart stuttered in your chest as he looked at you guiltily, as if he had done something wrong. “I just meant that- uhm.”

A few seconds passed in silence. You barely dared to breathe. You were hoping he would keep going, hoping he would clarify before your thoughts went way too far again. The tension was so thick it could have been cut with a knife. Finally, he let out the heaviest sigh you’d ever heard.

“No, you know what, I meant it. He was an idiot for breaking up with you, because anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Time stopped. What do you say after that? You wanted to scream with joy and jump his bones, of course, but you couldn’t exactly do that. What if he didn’t mean it like that? If he didn’t feel the way you hoped he was implying? Because he, or more specifically his sister, was such a huge part of your life, and awkwardness was just not an option.

“Are-” you started, but blinked and started over. “Are you… serious?”

“Of course I am, Y/N.” He sounded almost exasperated. He ran a hand through his slightly damp hair, making it fall over his forehead in the most attractive way you had ever seen. Fucking. Unfair. “I’m not- I mean. I get it if you don’t feel the same or anything, but-”

“Feel what, exactly?” When he stared at you in confusion, you elaborated. “Please be clear with me, Cheol. I don’t want to keep guessing.”

It had come out as a whisper, but he had heard you. His expression softened, and the wrinkle between his brows disappeared. His mouth was slightly open as he seemingly looked for the right words. Your heart was beating out of your chest, and you almost felt it in your throat.

“Baby,” he started, and it made your breath hitch. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as dense as you are.”

“Hey!”

“No, seriously,” he kept going, not a single trace of evidence that he was joking, “do you actually mean to tell me you don’t know how I feel about you?”

“Look, I don’t-”

“I guess you don’t, and in that case, that’s my bad.” He got up from his chair and rounded the table, crouching next to your chair and grabbing your hand. “I am so ridiculously into you, it’s not even funny. Sua literally won’t stop teasing me about it, neither will my parents or my friends. No matter how hard I try I can’t stop thinking about you, but I’m honestly not sure I would want to even if I could. You mean so much to me, Y/N, and I really don’t want to be overbearing but I- fuck, I can’t-” he shuts his eyes in an attempt to collect himself, “I love you, baby, and if you don’t feel the same that’s fine, but I at least need you to know that I’m on my goddamn knees for you.”

Your glass, still containing some of your soda, toppled over from the force with which you left your chair. The way you threw yourself at Seungcheol forced him back, but you took the opportunity and placed yourself in his lap as you kissed him deeply. It took him half a second to respond, but then he was kissing you so ardently that you never wanted him to stop.

His arm wrapped around you from behind and pressed you to his chest. You could not give less of a shit that he was sprawled on your kitchen floor, or that you were down there with him, because you were kissing him. You were kissing the man that you most definitely had been in love with since you were a teenager, and fuck did it feel good.

“I, uh, take it you feel the same, then?” he asked after having reluctantly pulled away. You pressed your forehead to his.

“I bet that I have loved you longer.” You were breathing heavily, already missing the feeling of his lips on yours.

“Absolutely not,” he replied before kissing you again.

This time, you couldn’t hold back. You nibbled gently on his lower lip before soothing it over with your tongue. Seungcheol groaned deep in his chest and brought his left hand into your hair, pressing you even closer to him. He opened his mouth, letting your tongue tangle with his, and you felt the way he became jelly underneath you. You were not faring much better, your panties hot and sticky and your hands shaking. Despite this, you snaked one hand into his hair and tugged on it; his hips jumped in response, the action seemingly completely involuntary. You didn’t think you’d ever experienced anything hotter.

“Please, baby,” he heaved as you trailed your lips down his neck, “I can’t take it.”

You rolled your hips against his slowly, and that seemed to be his breaking point. He rolled you underneath him before standing up and taking you with him, carrying you into your bedroom while you followed the shape of his jaw up to his ear with your mouth. A shudder streaked through him as you sucked on the spot behind his left ear, his arms tightening around you and a hoarse moan leaving him.

You barely noticed him closing your bedroom door, only brought back to reality by the sensation of falling when he dropped you on your bed. You whined at the loss of contact, which made him smile; he loved the way you craved him, because honestly, he felt the exact same way about you. So he was quick to cover your body with his, his lips back on yours with a shuddered sigh from the both of you.

He felt so big above you, and yet you felt so safe. Not once had he done anything to hurt you. In fact, he had always been the one to take care of you and prevent you from being hurt. (Along with Sua, but you didn’t really want to think about her at that moment). His weight on top of you made you shudder in delight, your hands starting to wander. You played with the hem of his white t-shirt, still damp from the earlier bathroom catastrophe, but you didn’t care at all. All you wanted was to feel his skin against yours.

He was breathing as if he had run a marathon when he pulled away from your lips. He stared into your eyes, looking for any sign of reluctance, but not finding any.

“Are you sure, darling?” he asked, and your heart swelled about three sizes.

“I’m so sure, Cheol. Please, please, I need you.” You were properly whining now, but you were far past caring.

“Okay baby, okay,” he breathed, pulling away to get his shirt up and over his head. He was about to lay back over you, but froze and let his eyes wander your body. He shut his eyes, his forehead wrinkling once again as he took a few deep breaths. “You in my hoodie and underneath me, I can’t- Y/N, baby, I need a second, I’m so-”

You giggled a little before grabbing the hem of said hoodie, pulling it up and over your head. Apparently, that didn’t help, as Seungcheol’s grip on the sheets tightened and he cursed under his breath.

“I thought this would be better,” you said in confusion, blinking up at him.

“I’m actually going to die,” he gritted out, sounding as if he was genuinely in pain. “I don’t think you realize what seeing you in a wet t-shirt did to me earlier, sweetheart. What it’s doing to me now is just torture.” You flushed at his words, having forgotten that little detail. “Wait. Is that my shirt?” You glanced down and flushed even more when you realized it must be. “Fuck, gonna be the death of me, gonna fucking-”

He cut himself off by pressing his lips against yours again. Your head immediately got fuzzy again, the only thought you could formulate being that of his dick inside of you. When he ground his hips against yours and you felt the outline of it, you let out the most sinful moan Seungcheol has ever heard, which caused his hips to keep grinding into you without his brain’s permission. You disconnected your lips from his for just long enough to pull your wet shirt off your alarmingly hot body, and the man on top of you didn’t even have the strength to look at you without a shirt. He might actually have came in his pants if he did.

You didn’t even mind, because you finally had his skin pressed against yours. The heat of him poured over you, driving you absolutely insane and making you whimper against his lips. If he didn’t do something in the next minute, you would just have to take care of yourself.

“Cheol-”

“Please say it again,” he begged, his lips trailing down your neck toward your breasts.

“Cheol,” you sighed, and he moaned against your skin, his dick grinding perfectly against your clit even through four layers of fabric. You barely recognized your own sounds even as you felt them leave your lips, so high on his proximity you couldn’t have produced a thought if you tried.

When you repeated his name one more time he finally closed his lips around your right nipple, his deft fingers playing with the other and his cock still pressing deliciously against your pussy. Your hips lifted to grind back on him, and he actually whined for you.

“Seungcheol,” you whined, and his only response was a harsh thrust of his hips and another whine. “Please, take my shorts off, I need you to fuck me so bad.”

He let go of your nipple, chuckling as he looked into your eyes and dragged his hands down to rest on your hips. “Want these off?” he asked, flicking the elastic of your bike shorts against your skin. You nodded frantically, pressing your hips up into his again. He looked like he wanted to protest, so you decided to do the only logical thing and beg for his cock.

“Cheol, please please please, take my shorts off? I need it, please,” you begged, your eyes big and innocent as you stared into his. “I want your cock, baby, want it inside me, please.”

Honestly, it was no surprise that his confident facade crumbled along with his will to tease you any longer. If he was telling the truth, and you had no reason not to believe him, he had been in love with you for a long time. You had played dirty by begging him for his cock when he had already been on the verge of losing his mind - especially with those big, innocent eyes of yours. How was he supposed to say no to you?

“Evil, evil woman, fuck,” he muttered to himself as he all but tore the shorts down your legs along with your panties.

The sight of you, his absolute dream, naked beneath him made him believe in God for two whole seconds, for who could have accomplished something like you but an almighty deity? He must have shaped you with his own two hands, he thought, before coming back to his senses and thinking that no, you were a creation of your own. No one but you could have accomplished something like you.

With very little preamble, Seungcheol lowered himself between your thighs, kissing up the inside of each thigh as he went. He looked up and met your gaze, and you had never seen a more erotic sight. Sure, other people had gone down on you before, but none of them had been Seungcheol; none of them had been the one that counted. His big brown eyes met yours, and you swore you saw raw hunger in them.

“May I, baby? Please?”

“You- You’re begging to eat me out?” you asked, in complete and utter shock. You had figured this was somewhat of a chore to him, something that needed to be done both to woo you and to prep you for his cock. One look at his glazed eyes had you changing your mind.

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. His voice was hoarse and his eyes desperate, that simple look giving you enough material for many fantasies in the future. “Please, let me eat you out?”

What were you supposed to do, say no? Absolutely not. You simply nodded at him, and he fucking dove for it. His tongue explored your folds gently but firmly, and as soon as the flavor of you met his taste buds, he was in heaven. His hips ground into the mattress of their own volition as he was lapping at you, his tongue mapping you out and figuring out what brought you the most pleasure.

Seungcheol’s eyes were shut in pleasure, your juices covering his chin all the way up to his nose, but he couldn’t think of anything better. He wanted to drown in you, on his stomach between your legs, or - if he was allowed to dream - underneath you while you were grinding all over his face, taking all the pleasure you could from him.

You weren’t exactly complaining, either. His tongue felt divine, moving to gently circle your clit before he sucked it into his mouth. When your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging in pleasure, your lover let out a grunt that sent vibrations traveling through your entire body.

“F-Fingers, Cheol, please-”

He just grunted an affirmative and pressed his middle finger into you slowly. The warmth surrounding his finger drove him insane, making his hips press harder against the mattress and his eyes squeeze tighter. Having something to clench down on brought your pleasure to even greater heights, and you started to feel the familiar tightening signaling your release. You had felt the outline of his dick earlier, and you knew you would need another finger to make him fit.

“Another, I need you to fit later, baby.”

Your voice came out shaky, but the man consuming your pussy like it was the best meal he’d ever had didn’t seem to mind. He simply let his ring finger join his other inside you, grunting when he felt how tight you were around him. The tightening in your lower belly grew more and more intense by the second, the filthy noises of Seungcheol devouring you bringing you that much closer to the edge. You let out a mewl that sounded like it came straight from a porno, and felt his grip tighten on your thigh.

“I’m so close, baby, so close, please-”

“Come for me,” he growled hoarsely before resuming his delicious torture of your clit.

You followed his request a second later, moaning loudly and squirming around on the bed. His free hand pressed down over your hips to keep you still as he coaxed you through it, and he didn’t stop until the overstimulation almost hurt.

His fingers left your pussy gently, absolutely covered in your slick. You blushed as he put them in his mouth, moaning at the flavor as if you were the best thing he’d ever tasted. And to him, you were. He would remember the flavor of you until the day he died.

Your chest was rising and falling as you gulped down air. The way Seungcheol couldn’t help but grind into the mattress again made you want to cry, because how could he be so perfect? And how could he want you, of all people?

When he kissed you again, you could taste yourself on his lips and tongue, and you loved it. It was a reminder of just how voraciously he had just eaten you out, and you took the opportunity to reach down and cup him over his underwear. He hissed and pulled his hips back, panting already.

“I- you can’t.��

“But, baby I just want to return the favor-”

“My love, if you touch me again I can’t guarantee that I will have faculties to be inside you.”

His words made you laugh, both because of how ridiculous his phrasing was, but also because of the effect you seemed to have on him. Had he really been driven so far by making out with you and making you cum? It seemed like it.

“I love you so much,” you ended up breathing out. He gazed into your eyes so adoringly you felt like time stopped again.

“I love you more, Y/N.”

His response prompted you to kiss him, and he deflated on top of you. As he sunk further into your embrace, his still-covered dick brushed against your wet core, and the whine he let out was almost pathetic.

“I hate to ruin the moment, but please, let me be inside you now. I think I’ll die if I can’t,” he confessed. You laughed out loud again before nodding, kissing and sucking a trail down his neck while he removed his boxers. “Condom?”

“I don’t have any, but I have an IUD and I’m clean.” You could practically see Seungcheol’s brain grind to a halt. “But, I mean, if you don’t want to we can just wai-”

“No!” he almost yelled, his entire face flushing pink. “No, I’m clean too, and I- fuck, I would love to be inside you without a condom.”

You nodded, and he took a deep breath. The thought of having him inside you without a barrier excited you to no end, and it seemed he felt the same. You kissed him passionately again while he lined himself up with your core, and moaned through a sigh as he pushed into you. He didn’t have a monster cock or anything, but it was still bigger than what you were used to taking.

As he bottomed out, he let out a punched out sigh. You could feel him shaking on top of you, and did your best not to move or clench down on him. Unfortunately, your pussy didn’t exactly obey you and clenched down anyway. It made Seungcheol’s breath hitch, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight so as not to look at you while he was trying not to cum.

“I swear,” he wheezed, “you are going to kill me.”

His words made you chuckle, which in turn made him groan and bury his face in the crook of your neck. You were ready for him to move, and told him as much, but he still needed a second. You could feel tears sting the corners of your eyes, as per usual feeling weepy as soon as you felt a big wave of emotion. To distract yourself, you locked your lips with his and kissed him with all the passion you had left to give.

As your tongue tangled with his he groaned low in his throat, and his hips thrust into you of their own accord. Once he had started, he couldn’t stop, and you didn’t want him to. He started out fairly slow, taking his time to make sure you weren’t hurting at all. Then you accidentally clenched down on him, and he could no longer hold back.

He started pounding into you, his cock reaching the deepest parts of you and making you dizzy. You moaned out every time the tip of him hit the spongy spot inside you, and you couldn’t help the way you were clenching around him. You were hurtling toward your end so fast it was almost alarming. He filled you up so perfectly, so perfectly thick and long, it was as if you were made for one another.

Seungcheol was mumbling an endless stream of praise, grunting every time your cunt squeezed him a bit tighter. He felt like he was in heaven, your slick walls molded around him in a way that made him mourn the time spent doing anything other than this. He wanted to keep you like this, impaled on his cock and making you feel as good as you ever had.

Sadly, he was so wound up he wouldn’t be able to last as long as he usually did. While he didn’t blow immediately as he had been worried he would, he started feeling his balls drawing up around five minutes in. The way your nails were scratching down his back wasn’t helping his situation.

In an effort to save himself from cumming before you, he lowered a hand to circle the nub of your clit gently. The extra stimulation was exactly what you needed to build the rest of the way to the edge, and you tangled your hands in his hair as your thighs shook.

“Please, Cheol, baby, I’m gonna-”

“Oh thank God, please cum around me, baby, wanna feel it,” he begged, and it did the trick.

Your orgasm was spectacular, your entire body feeling like it was on fire as you exploded around him. You were moaning his name, clawing at his back and arching your back to the high heavens. Your toes actually curled. It was the orgasm of orgasms.

Seeing you like that, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he brought you pleasure was enough for Seungcheol to follow you over the edge. He came so hard he saw nothing but white, his hips stuttering as he spilled himself into you. His face was pressed into your neck, but his moans could not be concealed even if he tried.

You both lay there, panting and soaked in sweat, for a pretty long time before he finally pulled out and rolled off of you. He sprawled on his back and stayed like that, his eyes shut in complete and utter bliss and his heart beating out of his chest. Your hair was an absolute bird’s nest around you, and there were tear tracks running down your cheeks and into your hairline.

You clumsily flopped over to rest against his side, and he pulled you in until your head was resting right over his heart. You slung your bare leg over his waist, and he groaned in what sounded like agony.

“You can’t do this to me,” he whined, and you giggled lightly at him.

“I just put my leg on you, baby,” you said, looking up at him innocently, and he had to shut his eyes for a second and remind himself he wasn’t dreaming. You, yourself weren’t entirely convinced all this wasn’t a dream; and if it was, you never wanted to wake up.

“Okay, well you’ve just seen what seeing you in a hoodie and bike shorts does to me, so,” he reminded you, and you bit back a grin. It was good to know you could tease him easily.

You laid in silence for a while, just listening to his heart beating against his ribcage. Every once in a while it would slow down, and then he would look down at you and it would speed back up. Your heart seemed to match the pace of his, and you found that you loved it that way.

“So, “ Seungcheol started, and you pulled yourself up on your elbow to look at him as he talked. “That… just happened.” You snorted into a laugh, and he joined you, flicking your forehead gently. “I uh, I’m going to a work thing on Friday. I usually don’t bring a date because, well, because I’m usually single, but maybe, this time, I could bring you?”

You blinked at him slowly, admiring him in the light from your bedside lamp. He was pretty no matter what, but with his cheeks glowing and his eyes glittering, he was beyond what was natural, in your opinion. You stroked a bit of his hair behind his ear and hummed.

“I mean, are you not single anymore?” you asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Uhhhh-” he was interrupted by your laughter, and he pouted at you jokingly. “Don’t do that! I get scared I fucked up,” he said and rolled over to wrap his arms around you.

“I’m sorry,” you giggled, “I just don’t know either.” You paused. “Hey Cheol?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

At your words, his entire face lit up. He started giggling and buried his face in your hair, trying to hide from view. Even still, you knew he would be blushing. His arms squeezed tighter around you as he pulled you even closer, and you didn’t even mind that you couldn’t breathe.

“I was going to ask,” he ended up whining once brain function had returned to him. “Can I?”

“I mean, sure?” you answered, trying your hardest not to just lean in and kiss away his pout. Your willpower sucked, so you did it anyway.

“Great! Hey, Y/N, would you be my girlfriend?”

You bit your lip to hold in your laughter, but all it did was summon your boyfriend’s gaze to your mouth. You released it and broke out into a huge grin, nodding.

“I would love nothing more.”

“So what you’re saying is,” Sua said thoughtfully, “you finally put him out of his misery?”

It was a week later, and you were sitting on your balcony with Sua and drinking coffee. The bathroom floor was now dry, and while the stupid bath mat had been unsalvageable, everything else had been fine. The apartment management had gotten the leak fixed after five days, proving that calling Seungcheol had been the right choice for more reasons than one.

Even thinking about him, you couldn’t help but smile. Your boyfriend. The one who had brought you to a work function as your first date, and the one who had gotten jealous because you had greeted a coworker of his when he was getting you a drink. The one that had helped you save your apartment from water damage. The one you had loved for the past decade.

“Okay but how could I have put him through misery if I didn’t know he liked me, hm?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at your friend. She had her eyes closed, face turned toward the sun like an old lady.

“You cannot be serious,” she said incredulously, turning toward you and opening her eyes wide to show her shock. “You’re telling me you didn’t know Cheol was in love with you? He has been so down bad for you since we were like fourteen, man. He bought you flowers for your graduation. He reminded you to take your allergy pills before going to a dog café.” You flushed a little at your own blindness, but Sua just sighed and turned back toward the sun, her eyes closed again. “At least it will be easy to kill him if he hurts you.”

a/n: if you liked this, please don't forget to like and reblog! <3

masterlist

#svt x reader #seventeen smut #svt #svt smut #seventeen x reader #seventeen fluff #svt fluff #seventeen fic #seventeen fanfic #svt fic #svt fanfic #sescoups writes

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no-144444 · 3 months ago

Text

his disgraced pop princess- (o.piastri 81)

-------------------

summary: oscar is there for you through your first real GP weekend

pairing: oscar piastri (no.81) x singer! reader

warnings: cyberbullying ans slut shaming

-------------------

Oscar Piastri was nervous. It had been two days since he first met you, and now it had been 4 hours since he last texted you. Beside him, Logan was scrolling on his own phone, still making fun of Oscar’s ‘awful puppy-love’, as he called it. It wasn’t awful, just slightly overboard. You two had been texting non-stop since the race, and he was enjoying it. You were funny, sweet, and probably just busy, right?

Oscar: Doing anything else today? I’m stuck training all day.

Oscar: Studio…?

Oscar: I think the fans need new music (it’s me, I’m fans)

-------------------

You were anxious. It had been two days since you met Oscar ‘perfect’ Piastri, and now he’d texted you multiple times while you were busy being on a plane. Beside you in the Uber, was Hallie, your best friend, texting her new mystery boy and laughing at your freak out over not texting him back. You two had been texting non-stop since the race, and you loved it. He was asking all the right questions, he was funny, he was so supportive of you going up against Charles, and evidently, a screenager.

“I feel bad!” you groaned as you tried to type something out, but nothing seemed good enough.

“You were on a plane, what was he expecting, a carrier pigeon?” she chuckled. “He’ll survive without texting you for 4 hours, calm down.”

“What do I say?”

She rolled her eyes. “Give me the damn phone.”

You: Sorry I was on a plane and their carrier pigeon network was down. Oops :)

“He is diabolical,” she laughed. “Immediate response, does he not have a life?”

You rolled your eyes and snatched back the phone. “Shut up!”

Oscar: Too bad, I was hoping you were busy making new music :(

You: Well, I’d need inspiration for that and that is the one thing I don’t have. Well, that and people that like me and want to listen to my music.

Oscar: :(

Oscar: What are you doing today?

Y/n: Lawyers, seeing Charles, helping put the case together and finishing up the legal side of my split from the band. Aka boring as fuck :)

Oscar: Good luck seeing Charles again, I hope it isn’t too bad.

Oscar: Whenever we’re on the same continent again we should meet up for dinner :)

Y/n: Sounds like a plan, and thank you. Good luck with training today :)

“You two deserve each other. You’re equally as cheesy,” Hallie rolled her eyes.

“It’s not cheesy to like someone,” you scoffed, getting out of the car. “You’re just alone.”

“Not anymore,” she chuckled.

“Shut up!” you cheered. “Who?”

She smirked. “Tell you later.”

You rolled your eyes. “You suck.”

“I’ll see you later,” she called as she walked off. You were left standing alone. Before walking in, you took a deep breath and willed yourself not to burst into tears.

-------------------

“It’s defamation!” Charles shouted, making you jump. Everything he did was making you jump. You hadn’t realised how badly everything had affected you until today. You were jumpy, you felt sick, you weren’t sleeping, you weren’t there mentally.

“No, you’ve defamed Ms. Y/l/n’s reputation,” your lawyer calmly pointed out.

You wanted it to stop, you wanted everything to stop. You wanted to go back to Sunday and relive the race over and over again. You wanted to be with Lewis again, with Toto again, with Oscar again. You desperately wanted to feel safe.

Your lawyer was good, and you knew you’d win the case against Charles no matter what, but cleaning up the band would be a big undertaking. You’d always been the one to sign documents for all of them, so that they could pull out at any time. That now meant that you were technically the owner of the name of the band, the licensing rights, the songs, and the money you’d all already made. You were hitting them where it hurts, and you were taking it all. If they wanted to push you out, you’d push them right back.

“Y/n, come on. It’s all of our band, and we deserve our name, at least,” your brother, Alex, begged. Up to last week you would’ve done anything for him. Now, he was fucking dead to you.

“You can keep one thing,” you answered, not even looking at them. They prematurely celebrated and thanked you, but you held up a hand to silence them. “You can keep your instruments. I’ll take everything else.”

The room erupted into shouting, from every member of the band. You just got up and walked away. The meeting was over. You had it all.

-------------------

BREAKING NEWS! WINGS BAND MEMBER Y/N Y/L/N DELETES INSTAGRAM, IS SEEN WITH F1 DRIVER OSCAR PIASTRI, AND IS PHOTOGRAPHED LEAVING A LAW FIRM!

The 22 year old singer, Y/n Y/l/n is fresh into the scene of being a solo artist after being dropped by her band ‘WINGS’. This weekend she was seen around the Silverstone paddock with long-time friend and possible boyfriend, Lewis Hamilton. Shockingly, the newly crowned ‘Queen of Homewrecking’ is also sticking her nose into another man, Australian driver Oscar Piastri. The pair were seen walking together in the paddock, looking quite close. We would advise him to steer clear of her mess if he was able…

In another turn of events, Y/l/n decided to delete her entire Instagram page, as well as her Twitter, Tiktok, Threads, and all other social media accounts. While she has opted for a ‘social-media-break’, her close friends and family have not posted about her, but some more famous friends have, including Lewis Hamilton answering questions about her in an interview during the Media day of the British Gran Prix. When asked about his opinion on the band, he said this.

“Y’know, half of the success of them (WINGS) was Y/n. She really pulled everything together and no one really sees that because she was so careful about showing people that. She never wanted anyone to feel like they (the rest of the band) weren’t 100% committed, because at that time, they were. It’s just sad how people turn on each other, especially after everything she’s done for them.”

And when asked about Charles O’Brien, he had this to say.

“That pathetic piece of s**t can f**k off and get out of the paddock. There is no place for him here, on any stage, or anywhere in the world. He is a vile creature.”

In other news, she was seen exiting the Law firm, Cravath, Swaine & Moore this afternoon, and 40 minutes later, the rest of the ‘WINGS’ band was seen leaving, looking much more upset than her.

Something tells us there might be more than meets the eye in this twisted tale…

-------------------

“Hey Y/n,” Oscar’s voice was music to your ears as you sat in your hotel room with dried tears on your cheeks.

“Hi,” you answered, voice hoarse, just happy to not be alone anymore.

“How did it go?” He asked, his voice softening.

You scoffed. “As badly as I thought it would,” you sighed, defeated. “I just wish it would all stop.”

“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” he sighed. “Charles is a special breed of dickhead.”

“So is the media,” you added. “Did you see the stuff everyone is writing about me? It’s awful-”

“I don’t read about you. I don’t need it anymore. I have the real you now, and that’s the you I’m interested in.”

Oscar ‘perfect’ Piastri strikes again.

Your lips broke into a smile. “Thanks Oscar.”

“I mean it. I don’t give a shit about the media, like at all,” he was smiling, you could tell.

“I’m glad. If you did I don’t think this friendship could’ve worked very well,” you chuckled. “You seriously don’t care that I’m a ‘homewrecking slut’, according to everyone else?”

He chuckled. “Wouldn’t want you any other way.”

Your heart swelled.

-------------------

It had been a few months, Oscar had gotten his first win, you’d wanted to personally kill Zak Brown, you’d gone through the beginnings of the court proceedings for the band things, and you’d finally filed a report against Charles.

Now, you were in London on your way to Abbey Road Studios. New music for the first time in a few months. First time you’d sung in a few months. Oscar walked beside you, his head covered in a hat to remain inconspicuous.

You stopped outside the door. Oscar took your hand and pushed the door open for you, then led you in.

“You’re here for a reason,” he reminded you with a squeeze to the hand.

The past few months had been emotional to say the least. Yet, Oscar had been there for you the entire time. He truly didn’t care about the press. He liked you. He liked you a lot. You liked him. You liked him a lot. But you two weren’t dating, right? You didn't really know. Friends didn't hold hands, or cuddle, and usually weren't there for you before you make the biggest leap of your life.

He stayed beside you as you walked through the building, getting the grand tour from an employee, only leaving you when you finally went in to record.

“You’ve got this,” he whispered, holding you in a tight hug. Inside was your manager, Ursula, and your producer Axel. “I believe in you.”

And those 4 words gave you the courage to go in there and sing.

You sat on the stool they had set up for you, headphones on as Axel droned on about something insignificant, and you brainstormed. You hadn’t even thought about writing for the past few months, despite Oscar trying to convince you that it would make you feel better. You couldn’t touch it. Though now, with no consequences, no one looking at you, no one interested, you reached for the guitar and strung a few cords. You thought about Charles, about the band, about Oscar. Then you thought about nothing.

“When I’m away from you, I’m happier than ever,” You sang, and then the words came flowing freely.

Three hours later, you had an album on your hands. A good album. A great album.

-------------------

“You did it,” Oscar smiled as you stepped out of the studio. “Write anything?”

“I think I like you. Like, like like you,” you confessed. He smiled.

“Good,” he answered.

“Excuse me?” you scoffed. “I just said-”

He pressed his lips to yours softly, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I’ve like like-d you since the day we met. I’m glad we’re on the same page now.”

You stared at him in shock for a moment, then a smile spread across your face. “You’re such an asshole.”

He chuckled. “I didn’t want to rush you,” he shrugged. “Anyway, write anything?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, handing him a CD. “One of two in the world, don’t lose it.”

His eyes lit up, a big smile on his face. “Is this the perks of being Y/n Y/l/n’s boyfriend? Exclusive insight into new music?”

“Calling yourself my boyfriend?” you quirked an eyebrow, smiling.

“Oh baby, I’ve called myself your boyfriend for the past 2 months, I’m not stopping now,” he smiled, and your heart could’ve melted.

You chuckled. "Always the charmer Piastri."

He smirked, then something behind his eyes changed, and he started blushing. He was about to ask you something important. “Come to Monza with me? Please?”

You rolled your eyes. “Only because you asked so nicely.”

-------------------

You touched down in Italy in Max’s private jet. You’d spent the afternoon getting to know him, Kelly, and Penelope, who’d taken a significant liking to you. The flight had been great, you’d never been on a jet before and it was as luxurious and comfortable as you’d imagined. Another part of the journey that was comfortable was Oscar letting you lay on him the entire time. You two were new but it looked like you’d been together forever. It felt like it too. It felt like he saw you. The real you. And he wasn’t scared or disgusted, or anything else that your brain told you he’d be. He was just Oscar.

You left the jet, the perks of flying in the middle of the night meant that no fans were waiting for you outside. You didn’t need to add more flames to the fire of his insane life. You wanted to keep your ‘scandals’ to yourself and to just let him race.

He gave your hand a squeeze to pull you back into the moment. “You alright?”

You nodded. “I’m ok, just nervous about this weekend.”

“You don’t need to be nervous, you don’t even have to leave my driver’s room if you don’t want to. I just… I wanted you here.”

“I want to be here,” you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I want to be around you.”

Even though it was dark, you could see the blush on his cheeks.

-------------------

Media day began as it always did, walking into the paddock with about a hundred cameras on him. Only this time, the hundred cameras were pointed at him and you, more specifically, you two holding hands. It wasn't even a conscious thing you did. You just took his hand to try and calm yourself down. You liked how he gently brushed his thumb against the back of your hand, you liked how he would squeeze your hand every now and then, and you liked how he led you through the sea of reporters with a simple smile, and a firm hold.

When you got to the McLaren motorhome, you and Oscar parted ways with a quick kiss and a promise of lunch together. You decided to join Alex Dunne, one of McLaren's development drivers and a current F3 driver for a track walk and interview. You two chatted and laughed, getting on really well. The weather was sweltering, so you went back inside to meet Lando and Oscar for lunch.

"Y/n!" Lando smiled, running up to you.

"Hey Lan," you greeted, hugging him back as he engulfed you in one of his bear-hugs.

"How are you?" he asked, pulling back.

"All good thanks, you?"

"Fine," he shrugged, then turned his attention to Oscar and you. He smirked. "Has he asked you out yet?"

You chuckled, nodding. "He has."

"My ship has sailed!" He cheered.

"What? You have a boat?" Oscar questioned, as you and Lando laughed.

The rest of the day went well, only being bombarded with cameras every now and then, and somehow, whenever they found you, Oscar came right along to take you away. You appreciated the concern from him, and it definitely took the edge off some of the comments people made, especially the internet. Who knew you and Oscar would be such big news? Big news that hadn't even been confirmed, at that.

-------------------

After lunch, Oscar was forced into more press, this time, they decided to ask about you. You watched on from the McLaren hospitality as the interviewer said some choice words about you.

"So, you were seen earlier entering the paddock with Y/n Y/l/n, yes?"

"Yes," Oscar replied.

"You two were holding hands," she pointed out.

"There was a swarm of reporters, I didn't want to leave her behind," he shrugged. You quickly realised that you hadn't talked about whether or not you wanted to tell the media bout your budding relationship.

"So you aren't dating Y/n 'home-wrecker' Y/l/n?"

Oscar's face fell into a frown. "Her middle name is Y/m/n, not home-wrecker, and yes, I'm her boyfriend."

With that he moved on, leaving the interviewer shocked and defeated.

-------------------

navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 x you #formula one imagine #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x you #formula one x reader #formula 1 #formula one #mclaren #oscar piastri x fem!reader #f1 fluff

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mpchev · 2 months ago

Text

Update on fanbinding dissertation: binding the dissertation itself!

After many days and nights of writing and wrangling footnotes and proofreading (where I couldn't convince my laptop that yes, I meant textualisation, not sexualisation), 'twas time to bind the beasts! In three copies, no less! Which I approached with way too much confidence from my one fanbind experience, and came with many fun little surprises due to the format guidelines I had to follow 🤡

This is going to be a long one, so here's my happy unfocused mug to confirm that it all ends well:

First pickle: The typesetting. I absolutely loved typesetting fanfic, but the dissertation had to be A4 (way less fun, boo-hoo), one-sided, with every page numbered. Did you know that LibreOffice won't let you add blank pages and only number the non-blank ones, without skipping numbers? In order to print signatures I could fold into one-sided pages, only numbered on the right-hand pages, I ended up switching to landscape orientation and including the equivalent of a blank page in the left margin.

Second pickle: The imposing, which I couldn't figure out using the amazing bookbinder with my weird landscape 2-page layout. I finally gave in and rearranged all the pages manually, which looked like p. 1 on the recto / p. 10 on the verso, then p2/p9, p3/p8, p4/p7, p5/p8, p6/p7. And because there was no way I was paying print-in-colour prices for all of this, I further split the manually imposed pages into two files, one for the greyscale printer (cheaper) and one for the colour printer (highway robbery). Still came up to ~£70, just for printing.

Very glad I went in chunks of 10 for the signatures, it made both the math and the folding using sheets from two different piles much easier, highly recommend (if for some absurd reason you also want to bind one-sided numbered pages in folded signatures).

Third pickle: Linear time. Had planned on having so much time to print and bind this thing, but kept writing and rewriting and proofing and oops! It was due in less than 24 hours and it was still not out of the laptop. So.

22/09/24, 6pm: Got to the library, started printing.

6.45pm: Found another printer where all the paper was the same shade of white, started printing again 🤦‍♂️ (kept the the misprints to use as scrap paper when glueing)

7.30pm: Started folding the 150 sheets of paper (3 x 100-page dissertation, 2 pages per sheet). Went from the last episode of The Magnus Protocol, to an episode of Welcome to Night Vale, to deciding restart The Magnus Archive, which felt almost poetic.

9pm: Headed back home, trimmed the edges (with a borrowed guillotine), folded the endpapers, stabbed everything. Lack of pictures to be blamed on my inability to mess with linear time, and the eventual sleep deprivation.

10.30pm, I think? Started sewing the signatures together, again with Supernatural (which I started rewatching when I submitted my first dissertation assignment in mid-May, and finished 2 days after submitting the dissertation itself, again, such poetry).

2am, probably? Tipped the endpapers and glued cheesecloth over the spines. Somehow figured out where to set the three textblocks to dry (I don't have a press). Sadly gave up on sewing on (or glueing) headbands, because time.

3am-ish: Cut the missing cover pieces out of millboard (had already cut 4 of 6 covers, since I knew it had to be A4), measured the spines of the three textblocks and cut those as well.

???am: Did some math, because sure, that's the right time for that. Cut the bookcloth to size, glued the cover pieces on the bookcloth. Remarkably only messed up the measurements on one of them! That means one of the copies has a millimetre of millboard showing in the inside corners of the back cover, but not enough time/bookcloth/millboard to redo it, onward we go!

Way past dawn: Took a break for food while the covers somewhat dried. Cased the three textblocks in the three covers, with the endpapers bubbling, which took me by surprise since it was the same paper and same glue I had used for the fanbind without any problem. I'm now thinking that bigger book = more time needed to apply the glue = endpapers getting warped, but I was so exhausted by this point that who knows. Again, no time to redo it!

9.30am: Stacked the dissertations under the heavy reference books I used to write the dissertation. Toute est dans toute hein. Went to bed while they (mostly) dried.

2.30pm: Woken up by my neighbour's dj set. Eventually put all that hard work in a tote and walked to school to hand it in at 4.30pm.

Fourth and last pickle: The titling. Couldn't find paper long enough to do a half-dust jacket like I did last time. Had big cutout plans, ran out of time and couldn't finish testing those. Also had some thicker textured paper I thought of cutting and glueing to the cover as a title card, but it turned out too thin and was warping. Finally resigned myself to submitting it with a blank cover, but one of my teachers asked if I would mind adding the title on with metallic markers to make it easier to identify (one copy will eventually be on the shelf at the Institute), and I'm SO HAPPY with how it turned out. Metallic markers. Why didn't I think of that. (I did, however, think about dressing appropriately for the occasion.)

So, is it possible to print and bind 3 books in less than 24 hours? Yes! Am I glad I did it? Also yes, very satisfying, love being extra! Would I do it again? God no, I've been sleeping for two weeks and I still haven't recovered. Can't wait to start binding something else though, so I guess it wasn't that bad.

That's it! That's over! Aaaaaah! Now waiting for the grade and comments, and hopefully soon I'll be able to share the content as well.

I'll also try to post some more about the research/writing process itself, somewhere between the late nights reading international treaties on income tax and the early mornings spent figuring out how to apply for a phd next.

Thank you so much to everyone who followed along, this was way more fun than I ever could have hoped!

#fan studies #fanbinding #bookbinding #research #ficbinding #dissertation #fanbinding dissertation #autoethnography #fanfiction #fandom #fanfic

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subcultureblues · 3 days ago

Text

Don't You Want Me (Baby?) Pt 4

———

Steve and Eddie are either hooking up or dating - and are about as bad at keeping a secret as they are dealing with their feelings. (Dustin POV)

1 / 2 / 3 / 4

———

“I don’t know Dustybuns…. I know you mean well but - “

“But? I mean well, but what?”

“But sometimes, well sometimes you get these ideas in your head. And really once you think you’re right, there’s just no convincing you otherwise. I just wonder if maybe - you don’t have a full picture of what’s going on with those two.”

“Seriously? They’re my friends, Suzie. I think I understand them just fine. I mean it’s not thermal dynamics. And even that, I’ve got an understanding of the basic fundamentals!”

———

When Dustin got home that night he blew through his homework within the hour. He’s a sophomore - advanced placements even! Still, the work they’re giving out this year is child’s play.

He grazed on snacks until he was slightly less bored. Read the X-Men issue that came out this week - guess Jean Grey alive again. Wonder how long that’ll last…

He tried calling the Wheeler house to see what Mike was up to but he was out, over at Will’s apparently. He tried Lucas after that but he couldn’t really talk since he’d had to put Max on hold just to pick up.

Dustin had to kill a few more hours but eventually he was able to get on the radio with Suzie. Hearing her voice - it’s like seeing the clouds part and the sun light up the sky. Never really gets old.

“That! That tramp!” She said, when Dustin told her about the Flower Situation.

“Right!?” Dustin huffed.

He told Suzie he planned to give Steve a serious talking to, even though Robin had kinda, sorta expressly asked against it. To Dustin’s shock, however, Suzie took Robin’s side.

“I don’t know Dustybuns…. I know you mean well but - “

“But? I mean well, but what?”

“Seriously? They’re my friends, Suzie. I think I understand them just fine. I mean it’s not thermal dynamics. And even that, I’ve got an understanding of the basic fundamentals!”

“Oh, Dusty…. Oop. I hear footsteps downstairs.” She whispered. “I think they’re doing a bed check. I gotta go.”

“Bye Suzie. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He could hear her smiling through the crackling radio transmission. Even from this many miles away he couldn’t help but smile back. Suzie paused. “And Dusty, just - be careful. Promise?”

Her line cut out. Dustin switched off the ham radio and frowned. Usually Suzie was so smart. Literally the smartest person he knows. How is it possible she couldn’t see that his friends were in dire need of help?

No way was he gonna abandon them to make a mess of things by themselves.

Though. Maybe there was something he was missing. Some unknown element.

Earlier today… Eddie seemed to know more than he was letting on. Dustin frowned harder.

He creeped downstairs to the landline. Wayne’s at work and Eddie’s a nightwalker so he didn’t feel bad about calling at almost 9pm. He didn’t even feel bad about calling four separate times.

He shook his head when he was sent to voicemail again. He put the phone back in the receiver.

Dustin huffed.

Only then he remembered - the walkie talkie. It had ended up in Eddie’s trailer after the whole Vecna fiasco… Dustin never did get it back. In fact, he’d totally forgotten about it. And if Dustin forgot about it, Eddie definitely had too.

“Eddie. It’s Dustin. Come in, Eddie. Over.”

It took a few tries but eventually he heard a crackly - “sus Christ, how does this thing work, again?”

“Eddie!”

“Dustin?” Eddie said, deadly serious. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you home right now, over?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Dustin waited.

“Yes, I’m home. Over.”

“Then why the hell aren’t you picking up the damn phone?” Dustin said. “Over.”

“I uh - must be off the line or something.”

“Whatever, look I just got a few questions about - “

“Dustin! Is the world ending right now this exact second or what?”

“No but - “

“Jesus…”. Eddie sighed in relief. Then he muttered, “The last thing I need right now is The Monster-pocalypse Part 2 : Electric Boogaloo.”

“We are well past that by now. Gotta be on the fourth or fifth straight to TV sequel at least.”

“Well whatever it is, it can wait. I gotta a lot of - I got enough shit going on right now.”

“You know, you’ve been pulling that card a lot recently.”

“Tell me about it.” To Eddie’s credit, he did sound stressed out. “Anyway - if this is about D&D, sessions canceled tomorrow.”

“Wait, what?” Immediately switching course, Dustin’s thoughts of Steve vanished like smoke.

“Yeah, sorry. Jeff was gonna tell you guys tomorrow at school. There’s this bar in town, their Friday gig canceled on them. Unlucky for them, our merry band of metalheads were the only ones they could find to fill the time slot on short notice.”

“What? Eddie that’s awesome!”

“Yeah, fucking big place too. Me and the boys are there a lot when we’re in the area - The Squeaky Wheel down in Indie. Probably gonna be the biggest crowd we’ve ever played for.”

“Well, I’m definitely coming then.”

“You’re definitely not. We need to be there early. Leaving for town 2pm, sharp.”

“Jeff won’t still be in school?”

“Not if he cuts last period he won’t.”

“Well, what if I - “

“Are you kidding?” Steve’ll fucking kill me.”

“But I still haven’t seen you guys perform for real yet!”

“Maybe next time, little man. Look I gotta go, I’ve been trying to actually get some fucking sleep and having the phone going off all night really isn’t helping.”

“I thought you said it was off the line?”

“Huh? Right, yeah.”

“Nevermind that. You nervous?”

“So fucking nervous I feel like I’m gonna puke or something. Just like, go full exorcist. All over the stage.”

“Ok yeah, don’t do that.” Dustin suggested.

“Hah. Yeah.” Eddie chuckled.

“Come on, you guys are amazing! You’re gonna be great!”

“No, you’re right. It’s gonna be good.” Eddie said, clearly trying to psyche himself up.

“Well, I guess good luck. Over and out.”

“Break a leg you mean. Over and out.”

Dustin sat there fiddling with his walkie for a long couple minutes. There was something kicking around in his brain. A plan, formulating. Even Dustin himself was shocked by its elegant efficiency.

Get to see Corroded Coffin perform? Check. Bring a mob of Eddie’s friends out to support him? Check. Finally get a chance to meet this super secret girlfriend (because who would miss their boyfriend’s bands biggest show yet?) Check! And he can get Robin and Steve on a fun night out together and hopefully smooth over the ‘flower incident’? Check check check!

He tuned his walkie to the open line the party was synced into.

“Everybody, come in. It’s Dustin. We got a code blue which means all hands on deck. We’re going on a field trip…”

Dustin had spent the rest of Thursday night and Friday morning making sure everything was in perfect order.

He didn’t call until Friday, after he got confirmation from Max, the last person he was waiting on.

Only then did he call Steve.

“Corroded Coffin has a show tonight.” He said as soon as Steve picked up.

It was lunch hour and him, Mike, and Will were outside the school building standing around the pay phone. Lucas and Max were on a lunch table near by arm wrestling - those weirdo’s version of PDA.

“Hello to you too.” Steve said, vaguely amused.

“Hello. Corroded Coffin has a show tonight and we’re going.” Mike gave him a thumbs up and Will, an encouraging smile.

“Oh yeah?”

“And before you ask, yes we’ve gotten permission from our parents, yes we have a curfew but - we don’t have to be home till midnight, the bar is 16 and up, I called, itsallthewayinindianapolis but wait ok, before you say no - “

“What time are we leaving?” Steve said.

“I - really? That easy?” He glanced at Will and Mike who blinked at him with hesitant excitement.

“No. This… this is actually perfect.”

“Come on man. I had a whole - thing, prepared. I practiced for this. Flashcards! I made flashcards.”

“What time are we leaving?”

Dustin sighed.

“Six o’clock. If we leave Hawkins by then, we can get there twenty minutes before their show starts. Plenty of time to find parking and get into the venue. Were you wondering how everyone’s gonna fit in your car?”

“Yeah, sure.” Steve humored him.

Dustin flipped to the corresponding flash card. “They don’t have to.” He read verbatim. “I’ve already taken the time to ensure Jonathan could accompany us as well - also Joyce wouldn’t let Will come if he didn’t. Jonathan and Nancy are driving Will and Mike. You just have to grab me, Lucas, and Max. Leaving one seat open for you to bring a plus one.”

“Robin.” Steve said, impressed. “Very thorough.”

“I’ll see you at my house at 5:30 on the dot. We need to be on the road by 6. And Steve? Please try not to dress like a dork.”

Steve laughed.

“Funny how I could say the exact same thing.”

“Also don’t tell Eddie.” Dustin ordered. “It’s a surprise.”

“Dustin, you’re a genius...” Dustin could hear him grinning through the phone.

“I know, I meticulously organized everything down to the last detail.”

“Yeah, uh huh.” Steve said, distractedly. “Shit, ok, I gotta go - and shower pretty much right now if I want enough time to airdry my hair…“

“Well. That was easy.” He said, hanging up the phone rather anticlimatically.

“But he said yes?”

“Oh, we’re going!” Dustin confirmed.

———

Just a few hours later Steve’s Beemer sat on the street out front of Dustin’s house.

Dustin emerged from the house at 5:36 in a huff. He got a few steps before he remembered his mom was out and backtracked to lock up behind him.

HONK.

Dustin jumped, almost dropping his keys.

“I’m coming!” Dustin shouted over his shoulder. When he turned Steve was grinning at him, snickering to himself. He peered over his douche-glasses and gave Dustin a goofy little wave.

Dustin rolled his eyes and tugged at the car’s door handle. It didn’t budge. Steve hit the button for the passenger side window and Dustin was forced to wait for it to slowly roll down.

“Taxi to Indianapolis for a Mr. Henderson. Got the right address?”

“Open the door, Steve.”

“Sorry, I’m gonna need you to confirm the passphrase. Company policy.” He shrugged.

“Is it, we’re already running late so open the goddamn door?”

Steve rolled his eyes but unlocked the door so Dustin could finally get in already.

“And whose fault is that?” Steve asked as he started them down the road. Dustin huffed. He was still mad at Steve.

“Yours. You said you’d have Robin already - so now we’re behind schedule.”

“It was please by the way.” Steve glanced his way grinning as he turned on the radio. “Wanted to pick something you’d never in a million years guess.”

“Har har.” Dustin said, humorlessly as he buckled in. He eyed Steve. “You’re in a good mood.”

“I am.” Steve said, checking his hair in his review mirror and flashing himself a grin.

Dustin did a double take when he noticed - Steve was wearing Eddie’s vest. It definitely looked like it had been dragged through the Upside Down. But he had to admit the battle worn look suited it. To Dustin’s surprise, it kind of suited Steve too. He had a white T-shirt underneath, blue jeans, and red converse sneakers. His hair was tall and meticulously coiffed.

Dustin spent quite a while on his own hair tonight, though it wasn’t nearly as expertly styled. Never gonna beat the master at their own game right?

Dustin was glad Steve made an effort to blend at least. The rest of the party had too. Dustin was wearing a black tshirt with ‘Corroded Coffin’ painted in angular white lettering across the front. Dustin had made sure they all brought shirts to school today for Will to paint. He’s glad he put Will in charge of that because they actually came out pretty awesome.

“What’s up man?” Steve asked, taking off his sunglasses when he noticed Dustin’s sour face.

“How’s Robin?” Dustin asked pointedly.

“Uh, she’s fine, thanks.” Dustin glared at him, unimpressed.

“Uh huh.” He said shortly. There was a moment of silence before Steve spoke again.

“So uh, how’s Eddie?”

“Why do you care?” Dustin said.

“I don’t.” Steve shrugged. “Just makin’ conversation.” He said. There was another pause. Steve was drumming along to the radio on the steering wheel. “You guys have been hanging out a lot this week.”

How would Steve even know that?

“What? Did Robin tell you after we came by the store?” Steve looked over at him, as if confused by his antagonist tone.

“Uh, nope. I- “

“She knows about the flowers, Steve.” Dustin said. Steve squinted side long at him, opening his mouth and closing it again.

“Ok?” He said. Waiting for Dustin to continue. Dustin waited until they rolled to a stop at a stop sign.

“What the hell Steve!” Dustin said, smacking him in the arm.

“Hey! You what the hell.” Steve said, holding a palm up to shield himself from further abuse.

“I can’t believe you! I asked her how she liked the flowers you got her and she had no idea what I was talking about!”

“What? Ok, Jesus Christ. Dude, how many times do I have to tell you, we aren’t dating. It’s - it’s not like that, alright. We’re just - Robin’s my best friend.”

“Yeah well have you told her that? She seemed really hurt Steve.” Dustin scolded him.

“Man, I don’t know what you thinks going on but it’s not. I promise.”

“Just, talk to her ok?”

“What, suddenly your the love guru?” Steve huffed.

“Yes!” Dustin cried. “You have a really good thing, Steve. Don’t fuck this up. Have you guys even had an actual conversation about this shit? Like talked about what you guys are in plain words even once.”

Steve sighed, beleaguered. Steve stopped at a red light, fully turning to face Dustin. As if he thought looking him in the eye would better get his point across. Or more likely, finally get Dustin to shut up.

“I’m not having this conversation. You’re a kid, alright. You just don’t get it. You don’t always need to - spell everything out. We’re on the same page, trust me.”

“I don’t know Steve. That sounds like a really easy way for someone to get hurt.”

“I - “ Steve started but then he stopped himself. He paused for a moment, staring into space. The light turned green.

“Steve.” Dustin said, and Steve’s head jerked back up. “The light.”

“Yeah. Right.” He turned onto Lucas’ street.

“So you’ll talk to her?”

“God, is there a reason you have to be so nosey. Me and Robin have nothing to talk about. We are definitely on the same page.”

“Definitely?”

“Definitley.” He assured Dustin. Dustin continued to glare at him.

“Look, I’ll - “ Steve sighed, passing a hand through is hair before quickly checking it’s structural integrity in the mirror. “I’ll think about what you said ok?”

“You better.” Dustin huffed, trying to keep up his stone cold front at least a few seconds longer. “I don’t want to see you fuck this up. You seem, I dunno - happy? Or - whatever.”

Steve hummed, looking out at the road with a contemplative smile.

They stopped at Lucas’ house to grab him and Max, and then headed to Family Video.

“Dude, are you wearing Eddie’s vest?” Lucas said as he and Max climbed into the back seat. Lucas was wearing a matching Corroded Coffin shirt. Max was not. She’s too cool to participate in things.

“You know, just once you could say something like, hey Steve, thanks for the ride. Maybe? Just to keep things interesting.”

“Yeah did you really never give that back?” Max said, ignoring him.

“No, Eddie, he uh, told me to hold onto it.” Steve said, smiling and adjusting the collar in the mirror.

Max scoffed a little laugh, but kept her eyes out the window.

Next they went to pick Robin up from her late shift.

It took a few honks before Robin emerged from the building, calling “Thanks, Todd!” over her shoulder.

She crossed the parking lot, struggling to get into her denim jacket.

“Sorry it took so long Steve, I had to change in the bathroom and let me tell you, that little - “ she managed to crawl into her jacket, then halted when she looked up and saw Dustin in the front.

“You didn’t pick me up first.” She said, standing outside the passenger side door.

Steve shrugged half heartedly apologetic.

“Out of my seat, Gremlin’s 2.” She opened the door and jerked her head in a motion that made it clear she expected Dustin to clear out.

“Yeesh. Not even the original?” He said, reluctantly acquiescing and going to jam in with the others in the back.

Robin got into the car stared at Steve intently.

“You didn’t pick me up first.” She repeated. “I told you to come get me first.”

“I - yeah. The kids were closer. Didn’t want to waste time backtracking in case there’s traffic.”

“Pft. He was just running late.” Dustin said.

“I bet it was because he spent like, 2 hours doing his hair.” Max snorted.

“Alright, that’s enough - from the peanut gallery. Sorry, Robbie.” Robin frownedz. “Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite.”

“Why, what’s up?” Steve said, pulling out of the parking lot so they could finally get on the rode. It was already 6:07! The whole night was turning out to be a disaster.

“Nothing. Nothing. Just was hoping to chat.”

“I literally just called you.” Steve raised an eyebrow.

“Just - Nevermind.” She grimaced.

Dustin caught her eye in the rearview mirror and winked.

Her face paled in a mask of frustration and horror. A look that said, what did you do now, if Dustin’s ever seen one.

“Jesus Christ.” She murmured quietly.

“Hmm?” Steve titled his head towards Robin.

“Nothing!”

Reply (make sure to mention the TagList!) to get added

ALSO just as a little treat for me, comment w what the fuck YOU think is going on with Steddie. I Really wanna know if I’ve done a decent job conveying That Whole Mess via second hand subtext

Tag List : @reading-archieves @homoerotictangerine @bingbongsupremacy @aroseandherthorns-blog1 @wheneverfeasible @travelingtwentysomething @ineffable-monster-romancer @laughingphantoms @gregre369 @rawrx3ky-txt @thespaceantwhowrites @blcksh33p1987 @the-legal-shipper @maverickricky @i-amthepizzaman @pretend-theres-a-name-here @steddiefication @that-one-gay-crow @gleek4twd

@theintrovertedintrovert

@tinyplanet95 @queercrisis2003

@awkwardgravity1 @stripey82 @sofadofax @midnightskeeper

@blurryjoji @estrellami-1 @caraspud @little-trash-ghost @finalmoondragon

@samsoble @depressed-freak13

#steddie #stranger things #steddie fic #eddie munson #steve harrington #dustin henderson #sorry this is all mostly set up for next chpt and Honey You Got A Big Storm Comin #but hopefully it’s not too boring 😅#also yes #DUSTIN IS BEING A MENACE #but he is a CHILD who is trying to HELP because he loves his FRIENDS #but unfortunately hubris is his downfall #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also to anyone who thinks Dustin ‘No I AM Adopting This Little Demon Creature Actually He’s My Pet Now’ Henderson #is too smart to make this much trouble #I refer you back to the show #kids a little genius but he’s still a kid

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coryndoll · 3 months ago

Text

not so bad

college!rafe cameron x reader au

— in which rafe and y/n absolutely despise each other in public but crush in secret. rafe is failing his humanities class & is assigned y/n as his tutor . . . maybe all it took for this relationship to form was just a bit of forced proximity and some time.

warning(s): ward cameron, slightly sexual joke between y/n and rafe

authors note: sorry for the late update again !! was rearranging my entire room for hrs n then passed tf out ( literally moved my entire pc set up + my dresser + cleaned out a bunch of stuff to make room for my vanity that im ordering im so excited )

okay oops its been like 4 days since my last update but its okay !! this was basically a filler but y/n still got to meet with rafes family + spend time with him

eight | nine | ten (it isnt linking for some reason omg)

you’re tracing the outline of your textbook as you’re replaying the memories in your head. the café, the walk, the bench, the kiss. you blush at the thought over and over again every time you bring yourself back to it.

he smelled so good; he always does. but he tastes even better. you can still remember how his hands explored your body during the kiss, gently and carefully groping you. and his lips felt so rough against yours, with the same amount of desire that you had when you brought him back in for more.

he’s all that’s been on your mind since it happened last night. it’s embarrassing really, you just feel like a little kid who’s just had their first kiss all over again. but it wasn’t your first—first in a while maybe. but this one was also different.

if you had to be honest, if you saw him again since everything, you would go for another one. anything to feel him on you again. it’s like he’s a drug that you’re addicted to. that you can’t escape. that you don’t want to escape.

the only thing you don’t realize in the frenzy of all your thoughts is . . .

“y/n,” your professor calls out to you, knocking you out of your train of thought. you sit up in your seat and lock eyes with the man who sends you a polite smile, before he’s going back to his lesson.

. . . the world keeps spinning.

just days later, you’re snacking on cereal as you watch some youtube video. you don’t know the channel but they’re just funny as fuck. you need something to entertain you with all the free time you have that day.

aria is reading and working out at the same time behind you. ideally that sounds great, but she’s working out in the way that has her constantly moving around and changing position, making it impossible to read at all.

you don’t know why she’s still doing this. you told her it was a bad idea an hour ago but she’s persistent.

“—two, three, four—” you hear her count behind you. taking a break to just witness all that is aria, you turn around in your chair to watch her.

her hair is frizzy, sweat coating her forehead and if you look closer, her everywhere too. she’s trying her best to hold a book in front of her face to read it, but it’s obvious that she’s struggling. she’s watching a video on the workout, working out, and reading.

“baby i think you need to just focus on one,” you say as you face forward in your chair, clicking out of the youtube video to find a new one.

aria doesn’t miss a beat. she’s still moving through her toe touches. “actually,” she huffs, “studies show that multitasking—like combining physical activity with cognitive tasks—can enhance neural plasticity. it’s all about training the brain to adapt and process more efficiently under stress.”

you turn back around to look at her, and you see that she finally stops to breathe for a second. “besides, if i can master this, just think about how productive i’ll be.”

“oh yeah, i feel your productivity all over me already,” you joke as you pretend to wipe your back and flick it off your hand, like you’re cleaning off all her ‘sweat’ that got on you.

aria smacks her tongue and rolls her eyes, continuing her workout as she flips through to the next page. you’re giggling as you face forward again, only to hear some screams down the hall.

your head snaps toward your door and you glance behind you to see if aria heard it too or if you’re actually just insane. she’s just as concerned as you are.

you get up from your chair and head straight for the door in a hurry. once opened, you peek your head out carefully before spotting a few people crowding a dorm just a few doors down.

rafe and lorenzo’s dorm.

you look closer, immediately recognizing the bunch as rafe’s dad and two sisters. huh. guess rose couldn’t make it.

rafe is just in the middle of a proper handshake and hug with his dad, a grin on his face as he laughs. you can see the backside of sarah who’s standing right next to them, waiting for her turn. wheezie is curious like usual.

she’s looking around the hall but she spots you within seconds. oh fuck.

wheezie hits sarah’s arm quietly to grab her older sister’s attention. you watch as sarah looks down at her before wheezie’s whispering something. she must be trying to not make a scene about seeing you.

sarah looks across the way and sees you, her jaw dropping. “are you kidding me?” she laughs, heading right for you and completely ditching her brother.

you glance back at aria awkwardly when sarah goes in for a hug that you can’t turn down. it’s brief, thankfully, but sarah still grabbed everyone’s attention when she saw you.

you peer over sarah’s shoulder and see ward and rafe staring directly at the two of you. there’s still a small smile on his lips as he makes eye contact, you return it politely.

“no one told me you go to school here,” sarah says, her hands on her hips as ward comes over.

“sarah honey, let’s leave y/n to her business, you don’t know if she’s busy,” he’s telling her with a light guide on her arm toward rafe’s dorm again. sarah lets out a quiet ‘oh’ as ward looks to you. “it’s really great to see you y/n.”

“it’s great to see you all too, but it’s okay, leave her,” you say about sarah, your choice of words causing sarah to smile as ward raises his hands in surrender. “i’m not busy at all, but it is really nice to see you guys.”

ward joins his son again before he’s stepping inside his room. wheezie, feeling more comfortable to hangout with her sister and you, silently decides to follow sarah.

sarah’s mouth is a little open as she’s taking the sight of you in. “it’s so crazy to see you here. i mean, what are the chances?” she says, and you know that she’s referring to the fact that both you and rafe were accepted in and committed to the same university. “and your rooms are so close . . . rafe isn’t giving you a hard time though, is he?”

oh right, they have absolutely no idea that you two don’t hate each other.

“not at all, here and there maybe, but me and rafe are actually friends now,” you tell her, and you’re not surprised when sarah is.

she takes a moment to process it. “that’s actually crazy,” she says. “given how everything was back in obx, everyone kind of assumed you guys went off to college still hating each other. what? you guys are friends now? that’s amazing!”

the two of you are laughing as she brings you in for another hug, like you’re a sister to her.

you rub her back. “it didn’t happen overnight, for sure,” you say with a chuckle, and she pulls away to let wheezie say hi to you. “but it’s actually really nice to not hate someone. hi wheezie.”

she side hugs you, and you get the immediate feeling that she’s a little uncomfortable with how much she doesn’t even really know you. you let go of her and let her stand next to sarah so she feels more comfortable again.

rafe peeks past the wall, his hand grabbing the doorframe by his chest. “sarah, wheez,” he calls out to his sisters. you can hear what sounds like ward and lorenzo talking inside, very loudly you may add. sounds like they’re getting along. “dad wants me to take you guys on a tour. come on.”

sarah looks back to you. “it was really nice seeing you y/n,” she says, then holds wheezie’s hand to walk back to rafe’s dorm.

they slip past rafe to reach their dad and meet lorenzo most likely. rafe takes a moment and leaves his dorm to head over to you.

“hey,” his voice is soft as he approaches you, and you lean against your doorframe. “you doing okay?”

you hum in response, and rafe gazes down at you with a small smile.

“we have the mall later today with enzo and lara but i have something planned for us this saturday. you think you could clear your schedule?” he asks.

you tilt your head. “i think i could make some room for you i guess.”

he grins at you before leaning down to press a kiss to your lips quickly. there’s an immediate vomit noise from behind you. both you and rafe turn back to find aria done with her workouts, and she’s closing her book and tossing it aside.

“sorry aria,” he says aloud. when you turn to face him again, rafe nods at you. “i’ll text you when.”

“okay,” you murmur, and you watch as he leaves to his room again. you swear you see wheezie’s head peeking out the first second he leaves you.

you close your door and head back to your desk.

“so what, are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend now?” aria asks. you look up at her and feel like laughing to ease any thoughts. you certainly aren’t boyfriend and girls—no labels as far as you know.

but dating?

“no,” you answer, shutting your laptop and placing it on another spot on your desk. “just some really cool . . . buddies. i don’t know. we’re not exclusive or anything. i think we wanna just take it slow.”

“you think? you guys didn’t have any talk with each other?” she asks. you silently shake your head at her. she raises her eyebrows and purses her lips. “you two would make a cute couple.”

her words give you relief that it doesn’t lead to anything bad. if anything you’re happy, but it’s not something you’ve thought about before.

you can’t hide your smile that aria teases you for, so you grab your pillow at throw it at her.

‘ come outside, waiting for you ’

you set down your phone after reading rafe’s text, and you check yourself in the mirror one more time before grabbing your purse.

you walk to the door, double checking you’re bringing the right belongings with you. “i’ll see you later,” you say as you unlock the door.

aria is grinning as she kicks her foot back and forth off the edge of her bed. “have fun,” she sings.

when you leave your dorm, rafe is slowly making his way over to yours. as soon as he heard your door open, his head snaps up and his gaze falls upon you. he sends a warm look your way.

“you ready?” he asks you.

“where’s your family?” you puzzle as you and him begin walking down the hallway.

he shrugs. “they knew i had plans today so they said they wanted to go around vista heights and explore. when we get back, they wanna meet up again for dinner though so i’m gonna be a bit busy tonight.”

you nod. “that’s cute; no problem at all.”

you get into rafe’s car with the others since lorenzo claims he’s too tired from lacrosse practice all morning. it’s fun to hangout with this specific group, you’re starting to feel like, because now that you’re in rafe’s car then you and rafe are the ones in the front with lorenzo and elara in the back.

once you’ve arrived to the mall, you join hands with elara who just seems excited to be shopping with her friends.

“where are you guys going?” you ask as elara begins tugging your sleeve so you can come with her to a chic boutique nearby.

lorenzo scratches the back of his neck and shrugs, “i don’t know but i don’t wanna go in there.”

elara groans, “who’s gonna help me and tell me what looks good on me or not?”

“y/n,” the two boys say at the same time.

elara glares before letting go of you so she can walk over to them. she grabs a handful of both of their shirts and turn around. “come on, let’s go!” she says cheerfully, and she drags the guys to follow you and elara to the the shop she’s had her eye on.

“that goes so well with your skin tone,” you say as you and elara stare at yourselves in the mirror with some new clothes on. elara is posing in her corset and skirt, then she takes a look at yours. “it feels a bit tight on me.”

“we can go for something a bit more air-y!” she tells you, and she holds a finger up to tell you to wait while she hurries to her dressing room. she disappears behind the door and grabs something off the hooks on the wall, then comes back out. “good thing that i grabbed just the thing for you when we were looking earlier.”

gee, elara comes prepared, but you aren’t surprised. she makes you take the pieces and she rushes you back into your dressing room, urging that you dress quickly so you can go to the next store.

you listen to her. after locking the door, you try on the outfit she picked out for you. it’s very . . . elara energy. it’s so cute.

“i like it, i think,” you tell her as you unlock the door and step outside. elara is beaming when she sees you. “definitely more comfortable. the material might be annoying though.”

“obviously,” elara says as she guided you to the mirror in the hallway. “beauty is . . . annoyance! but i like it! plus i think somebody likes it on you too.”

you know who she’s talking about. it’s the only obvious person.

when you look at elara, you can see that she’s looking somewhere in the mirror between you. you follow her gaze and stare into the mirror. rafe is sitting with lorenzo just feet away on a seat in the middle of the dressing room hall.

you lock eyes with the boy who’s been staring at you. lorenzo is talking his ear off—again—but it’s clear that rafe isn’t listening. his focus is on you.

“he’s been staring at you since we got out of the car, eyeing you like you’re sex itself,” elara whispers in your ear, an amused look on her face as she waltzes over to her dressing room.

when you look back at rafe, your eyes soften. a blush spreads across your cheeks as you look back at yourself.

“rafe?” you call, walking over to your dressing room. lorenzo stops talking as he and rafe listen to what you have to say. “you wanna come in and help me put on my next one?”

you’re joking, and he knows it too, but you spot the way rafe lights up yet becomes dumbfounded at the same time as he watches you disappear in the room, and you can’t help but giggle once you’re alone.

@svnsetcrve @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @lalalalala33 @darkcolorexpert @babyflockaaaa @lifeofleasaasa @ilyrafe @mkiverd @wxn-drlst @maybankslover @xxbirkindoll2 @wearemadeofstardust0 @thepopcultureaddict @mounthings @ijustwanttoreadlols @karmasloverrr @lilithblackkk @drewsdirtyslut @rafesno1bae @mfdoomdickrider @pillowprincess4him @lanascokedeal3r

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neoraso · 1 year ago

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survive the night | ksw

summary: you've had a crush on sunwoo for years, but what happens when he blurs the lines of your friendship? content: ftl, slightest angst but it's over in 4 seconds, happy ending, female reader. nonidol!sunwoo nonidol! reader wc: 5.3k an: this took me a bit to finish and it’s my first full length, i hope you enjoy!! let’s talk about it too~ do not repost or rework/copy any of my posts here or on other sites

The wind bit your cheeks as you hurried your steps towards the apartment complex ahead of you. It was nearing 9 p.m. but Sunwoo had called you an hour earlier asking if you could come through for some drinks and games with a few of the guys. In that very short time you had retouched your makeup and gone through four outfits before deciding on a hoodie and sweatpants Sunwoo had given to you because they were “too small” for him. Maybe it was poor taste to wear his old clothes to his house but honestly, they were comfortable and- you might have been completely head over heels for your friend, no big deal.

Lost in thought, you were almost surprised when you looked up and realized you had already reached the sleek, silver door and raised your hand to knock. Sunwoo had given you the passcode months ago when he was too busy gaming to get up and let you in, but you hadn’t used it since because it felt like you were overstepping some kind of boundary. Of course, that never stopped him from breaking and entering your home on various occasions, always scaring the hell out of you but you could never stay mad at him long.

Before long, Younghoon opened the door for you with a bright smile.

“Oh hey, we thought you were the food delivery”

“No,” you replied, matching his smile. “Sorry to be a disappointment. Who all ended up coming? Sunwoo said he invited everyone.”

“Chanhee and Changmin are home, Juyeon and Jacob and Kevin came. No one is really drinking yet. Maybe they’re waiting for you.” He said with a laugh.

You left your shoes at the door and walked down the hall with Younghoon trailing behind you into a very raucous living room. Everyone was so wrapped up in their own conversations and you were such a familiar face, your presence almost went unnoticed. Of course, Sunwoo was the first face you saw (well actually the first back-of-a-head), but before you could greet him you tripped on Kevin’s outstretched foot.

“Oops, sorry Y/N, is the food here?”

“No Kev, that was me at the door.” You said with a playful roll of your eyes.

At the sound of your voice, Sunwoo perked up and walked over to you with his arms wide open.

“Oh look everyone, it’s my mini me!!”

The sudden attention on you made your cheeks burn and it only got worse when Sunwoo’s taller, lithe frame wrapped around yours. You lagged a bit but snapped to and gently patted his back. He pulled away but stopped when his face was near your ear.

“Are you wearing perfume? It smells nice. Come sit with me, we’re gonna play a game soon.”

Suddenly feeling faint, you were glad to follow him to the couch and sit down. This was going to be a long night.

Later into the night after your bellies were full of food and too much alcohol, you thought you might have entered into some hellish realm. Sunwoo had been glued to you all night, keeping his arm on the couch behind you and hitting your shoulder or your leg when he laughed a little too hard. To make things exponentially worse, he kept leaning down to whisper side comments to you, his hot breath hitting your cheek a detriment to your sanity. While physical affection between you and any of your friends wasn’t uncommon, something seemed different tonight that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

The only natural course of action was to keep drinking.

After another hour you were definitely more than tipsy thanks to two rounds of ‘Never Have I Ever’ and an even a special game of ‘Truth or Truth’ (thank you Kevin!). There was some respite when Changmin asked you to get him some water from the kitchen. You enjoyed being with your friends of course but Sunwoo’s proximity tonight was becoming unbearable. You knew he didn’t mean anything by it other than friendly affection, and yet, you could help fantasizing about a day where he made an actual move on you.

The cup of water you were filling spilled over your hand just as Changmin and Chanhee called your name-sounding a bit more like geese than tipsy boys. Taking a deep breath, you decided you couldn’t hide in the kitchen forever. You dragged your feet back to the living room and carefully handed Changmin his water.

“Did I look extra thirsty or something? Why the hell is it so full?”

“Be grateful.” You grumbled.

He ignored your attitude and sipped it anyways.

You plopped onto the couch and instantly an unnaturally warm pair of arms were around you.

It was Sunwoo, hugging you for no good reason that you could come up with. He squeezed you once then pulled away and grinned at you, making your face heat up more than the KGBs he had provided for the occasion. It was almost enraging that no one seemed to notice that you were about to become undone, this was practically abuse. Finding your voice, and sounding more coherent than you felt, you asked him,

“What was that for??”

“You were just so cute! I couldn’t help it.” He let go of you, putting his arm back behind you leaving your mind in shambles.

He couldn’t help it? What the hell was that supposed to mean? He had bragged earlier that his alcohol tolerance had gone up, but that seemed to be a lie because why else would he have been so careless?

You spent the next couple of hours trying not to fall asleep which was relatively easy considering how loud the boys still were at such a time of night. Eventually Sunwoo took note of your state and patted your leg.

“Are you tired?”

You nodded and rubbed your eyes. “Yeah, I better start walking home.”

Horrified was the only way to describe the look on his face. “Walk home?! It’s way too late and I can’t come with you, too cold. Just go sleep in my room I’ll come soon, I doubt the guys will stay much longer.”

You debated this. It would not be the first time you had spent the night together, but usually he slept on the floor or the couch. Now he was implying joining you and that was just ridiculous.

“Oh, it’s ok, I don’t have any of my products with me…”

Chanhee, who had apparently been eavesdropping, chimed in from the floor with his eyes closed. “You can borrow my makeup remover and skincare.”

Sunwoo beamed at this. “See? You already have a toothbrush here, just go lay down please, you look pitiful.”

You hesitated. This would most likely create 1000 more problems for you and your feelings for Sunwoo. The worst part of it was, you couldn’t tell where he was coming from. Was he being a kind friend or did he have some sort of hidden agenda? You knew him well enough to know he wasn’t a player, so it didn’t make sense for him to be doing anything unkind to you, and yet…Whatever. It was too late to care anymore.

After bidding everyone a good night (with many whines in return), you stumbled down the hall to the bathroom to get ready for bed. You examined your drunken reflection, sighing as you swiped away your smudged mascara. What did you get yourself into?

After cleansing and moisturizing, you found your way to Sunwoo’s room. There was practically only room for a bed- a small one at that- and you found yourself wondering if you even wanted him to sleep with you or not. While it would be everything you imagined before sleeping pretty much every night, it would haunt you forever if he meant nothing by it.

You were tired, but as you laid there in his bed with his scent permeating everything, anticipating him coming in to do… whatever it was he planned to do, you found yourself tossing and turning. Honestly, you wanted to cry. Maybe it was the alcohol, but you were suddenly overwhelmed by your emotions and anxiety that had built up over the night. Going home wasn’t an option, so you sighed, accepting your fate and tried to sleep.

After what seemed like ten hours, Sunwoo finally cracked open the door, probably thinking you were asleep. He shuffled his way to his dresser and you peeked your eyes open then tried to avert them away from him taking his hoodie off. Before he turned around, you quickly shut your eyes and turned over. You heard him sigh behind you and felt the bed slowly dip with his weight. He adjusted the blanket over you and dragged his hand across your side before bringing his arm back to his chest. The distance between you (or lack thereof) was killing you. Regardless, you tried to control your breathing so as not to give away that you were still very much awake. The spot he had touched felt as though he had electrocuted you. It was heartache.

After a bit, you heard his breath even out and could tell he was asleep. You gathered the courage to turn around and face him.

You’d always thought he looked a little goofy when he slept, mouth slightly open, bangs messy. But tonight, you felt the weight of your heart.

His hair’s grown out you thought absentmindedly, reaching up to move a strand out of his eyes. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and his full lips were pursed against the pillow. Before you could help it, tears sprang to your eyes. There was not much longer you could go without confessing, or distancing yourself. This was just too much to bear. However, the thought of confessing brought on another wave of anxiety thinking about your friendship ending if he didn’t feel the same.

He had been with you since high school, had stuck by you in all your hard times as well as the good ones, consoled you after breakups; you were intertwined. You had always heard men and women can’t be friends and thought you two were the sole exception. That was, until your freshman year of college.

You remembered that time not too fondly. Keeping up with classes and assignments was stressful, but you had Sunwoo who thankfully got accepted to your same university. He was busy on the school’s soccer team but had always made time for you, bringing you coffee on your study dates, cheering you up on your rough days, it meant everything to you. Around winter break, while you two studied for finals (which usually meant him watching YouTube while you studied alone), he confessed he had a crush on a girl in one of his classes and asked you for advice on how to ask for her number. You both had had crushes in high school and it never bothered you when he would talk to other girls, but this time had been different. What had changed in you?

You thought it would be a small fling but they ended up dating for a year. It was agonizing watching him put his everything into someone else. She never liked you, complaining you and Sunwoo were too close. He tried to keep in touch with you but you saw much less of him than you had in the four years of knowing him.

Eventually she cheated on him. You remembered the dark circles under his eyes when he had knocked on your door the day they broke up. He didn’t say anything, just hugged you and sobbed into your shoulder. In all the time you had known him he had never cried in front of you, it infuriated you to think he had given his heart to someone so careless and vile. You never forgot the way he looked at you when he retold his last conversation with his ex.

“She told me it didn’t matter that she cheated, because my heart was with someone else the whole time. I think she meant you.”

You knew it wasn’t his intention to blame you, but you carried the guilt for months. Not guilty of her parting words and their implication, but guilt in the satisfaction you had for being so important to him. So much so that you were a threat to other women interested in him. It was a sick “If I can’t have him, no one can” mentality and you knew it wasn’t fair to him so for the next few years you resigned yourself to the loyal best friend role.

When you tried to branch out and pursue other guys, Sunwoo was always supportive. When things didn’t work out with other prospects- often because you wouldn’t cut off Sunwoo when they asked- he always ruffled your hair and sighed.

“At least we have each other, right?”

Shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you rolled to stare at the ceiling.

You didn’t remember falling asleep but you woke up abruptly and in an odd position.

Then you realized you were being held tightly against Sunwoo. Somehow in the night he had moved his arm under your pillow and had his other arm tucked against your waist, his forehead pressed against the back of your neck.

What the absolute hell?

This was too far for you, still it felt so nice- and natural, as if you were meant to fit together like this forever. This was everything you had dreamed of for years (albeit under different circumstances). Clearly, he did this in his sleep, so you decided to get up before he woke up too and got embarrassed.

You carefully lifted his arm off you and crawled to the end of the bed. He looked so adorable like this, you almost wanted to take a picture before realizing you never wanted to remember this day again.

Tiptoeing your way down the hall, you hoped everyone was still asleep like Kevin who was snoring on the couch. Just as you were about to walk past Chanhee’s room, he opened the door, making you jump

“You scared me Chanhee!” you sharply whispered. “You scared ME. Why are you up so early?”

You checked the time on your phone: 8:12 a.m.

“I’m starting to get a headache. I need some hangover soup. And coffee. ASAP.” You groggily replied, voice still hoarse from just waking up.

“I thought we could order it and eat together? Why are you in such a rush?” He questioned you. “Um, I have some errands to run. Sorry, I’ll text you!” To be fair, you did have errands and the first one was to get away from this house.

“Did something happen?” Chanhee was always good at reading you, but now it was starting to feel like an interrogation.

“Nope!” you lied, “I’ll text you!”

Before he could say anything else, you brushed past him and quickly put your shoes on, feeling like you couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

The following days were not fun to say the least. The afternoon after you left, Sunwoo and Chanhee texted you multiple times throughout the day to ask if you were alright (Chanhee was a bit excessive). You insisted to them that you were just busy – which was true, you were busy avoiding Sunwoo, rotting in bed, suffering from mental anguish, etc. etc.

The next day, Sunwoo asked if you wanted to go to lunch with him and Hyunjae. While any other day you would’ve gone without hesitation, just the thought of Sunwoo was torturous, and so you politely declined with another excuse. Maybe it would’ve been better if he stopped trying, and you might’ve wished for it. But you knew that if he did, you would be the first person to cry themselves to death. It was a pretty wretched situation that you had put yourself in. This could easily be resolved if you just talked to him, but the idea was simply too terrifying. You had never been good at expressing your emotions out of fear of causing conflict, but this was different.

You realized you were in love with him. There was no going back and you were terrified.

After a week you were invited out with the group- and you decided you’d had enough crying and worrying. Sunwoo’s texts had dwindled to radio silence once he got sick of your dry replies. You didn’t know how you could show your face, but either way you just had to suck it up, meet your friends and put your feelings aside for Sunwoo’s sake.

This was easier said than done as you contemplated cancelling at least six times in the hour it took you to get ready. It was just barbecue and drinks, it was supposed to be fun. Maybe it would be but you didn’t know what to expect from Sunwoo. Would he be mad? Or act like nothing was wrong when it clearly was? You supposed there was only one way to find out.

When you got to the restaurant you spotted Chanhee first with an empty seat beside him.

“Is anyone sitting here?” You asked timidly.

“Oh hi, no I saved the seat for you.”

Something about his tone seemed off and made the sinking feeling in your gut feel ten times heavier. You looked around the table, greeting everyone and it didn’t take long for you to notice the absence in the group.

“Is Sunwoo in the bathroom or something?” you whispered to Chanhee.

“No, I don’t think he’s coming, he thinks you hate him.” His response was rather curt and made you feel like the walls were closing in around you.

“Oh…” was all you could muster.

“Do you? Hate him I mean. It seemed like whatever happened when you stayed the night completely made you stay away from him- and all of us.”

Awesome. So not only had you burnt the bridge between you and the only man you’ve ever loved, but you had also pushed away all of your closest friends too.

Hyunjae abruptly interrupted your thoughts. “Where’s Sunwoo? I thought he’d be anywhere you would be.” He looked at you so innocently, which relieved you. At least no one else knew something was up.

“Oh I … I’m not sure… I-“

“Hey what did I miss?” the familiar voice startled you at first, then sent an instinctual calmness through you.

You turned and looked at Sunwoo, trying to express your pain, your guilt. He didn’t even glance at you.

It stung and it took everything in you not to get up and walk out. But you stayed in your seat so you didn’t make a scene.

You spent the evening in silence, only speaking when spoken to and, to your dismay, Sunwoo seemed to be doing the same. After a while, you finally made eye contact for a split second and felt your eyes prick with tears. Excusing yourself to the bathroom, you could barely make it there without breaking down. This was not the time or the place to be having a meltdown. Seeing him in front of you brought all the feelings you had tried to repress to the surface and it was too much.

After calming down a bit and erasing your tear tracks as best as you could, you returned to the table. Leaning down, you whispered in Chanhee’s ear that you weren’t feeling well and were going home. Younghoon had lost rock paper scissors and was paying, so there was no reason you couldn’t leave.

You hurried out of the building and paused outside, breathing in the crisp air. Hailing a taxi, you finally let everything spill over, probably making the driver extremely uncomfortable but you couldn’t really be bothered to care.

What were you going to do?

You reached home exhausted beyond belief. At least you’d gotten a meal, you thought dejectedly. Unfortunately, there was no plan for what you’d do when you got home. Any more crying seemed like a one-way ticket to Drowningville, but your mind still ran rampant. You could call one of your girlfriends, Mia knew about your crush and had consoled you through the last couple of years. But just as you picked up your phone, someone knocked on your door.

This was unusual. But then, it could be someone from your building management.

You weren’t stupid, you stood on the balls of your feet to look through the peephole and the sight in front of you made your breath catch.

It was him.

He reached up to knock again so you quickly unlocked and opened the door without thinking any further.

Both of you were breathing heavily, your eyes rimmed red and his stare intense.

He spoke first.

“Can I come in?”

You opened the door wordlessly, not really by choice, you were completely caught off guard.

Feeling the tears pooling again, you cursed yourself for being so weak and looked down at your feet. Suddenly, he cupped your cheeks in his hands, forcing you to look at him.

“What is wrong? What did I do? Everything was fine and then it wasn’t. I want my Y/N back.”

His whole expression was pleading and you felt so selfish for running away from your problems again.

“Do you want the whole truth, or the nice version?” You knew he wouldn’t, but you hoped he’d choose the latter option so you could white lie your way out of this situation. He let go of your face to tug your hair lightly and rested his hands on your shoulders.

“What do you think?”

“Ok fine.” You huffed. “I got freaked out the other night when I slept in your room. It just felt… like we were crossing lines and I know I’m being dramatic because it was just cuddling but it’s different for me. I shouldn’t have run away and I feel really bad about blowing off the rest of the guys, but you especially. You know you’re my closest …friend and I didn’t want to lose you but I didn’t know what to do because like I said-“

You suddenly stopped because he dropped his hands from your shoulders and looked away. Honestly, he looked pissed.

Nice, you thought I’ve ruined everything and I haven’t even told him I liked him yet. How much worse could this night get?

“Y/N.”

“Y-yes?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to confuse you.” “I know, we’re friends”

“We’re friends… but when you say it’s different for you, what exactly do you mean?”

Now you were starting to sweat, noticing the way he held back a smile. Was he going to make you spell it out like some kind of sadist?

“I mean…It means more to me than just that kind of skinship. Especially when I…”

“When you what?” Now he was smirking and it was starting to anger you.

“Sunwoo…”

“We’ll leave it for tonight. As long as I know you’re not mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you I just-“

He pulled you into his arms, his hoodie had faint remnants of his cologne and you wrapped your arms around his waist as he rested his chin on top of your head. His chest rose with a deep inhale and then just as quickly as he grabbed you, he let you go. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed him clenching his fist, he turned to you with a lopsided smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” “What if I was busy?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Y/N.”

Waking up feeling more rested than you had in a while, your mind wandered to last night. After Sunwoo’s unceremonious appearance (and exit), you had showered in a daze and immediately knocked out into a dreamless sleep.

Now all you had to fear was his threat of seeing you today.

There was no warning or even a text to let you know when this man was ever deciding on showing up. It was only 10 a.m., Sunwoo usually got up after 11 so it could be any time really. Thankfully, you had some time off work for the holidays, so you relished in your leisurely time putting your face and clothes on. You went about your day as normal: eating, watching YouTube, online shopping. All lame distractions from what you were anticipating. It wasn’t until 5:30 when he texted you.

.sunwoo🦝 : if you’re not already ready - get to it, I’ll be over in 30

So pushy, you could only laugh to yourself. It was odd, you thought, how the trauma of the last week was erased by a simple conversation and a hug from Sunwoo. You supposed it had always been like this, pain followed by a soothing only he could provide. He was your confidant, your rock, your safety. Whatever happened tonight was ok with you as long as you could keep him in your life.

Soon enough you heard your door open from your bedroom so you went to greet him. He met you with a rather awkward smile and hands politely behind his back which threw you off- you had never been uncomfortable around each other. Your smile quickly dropped,

“What’s wrong?” you prodded.

“Nothing!” he tried to assuage you with a laugh that sounded a little shaky.

You narrowed your eyes before looking back at his arms hiding something behind his back.

“What are you holding? You’re starting to freak me out…” You might have to forward your medical bill to him the way he constantly had your blood pressure rising. You needed him to get on with whatever he made you wait all day for.

“Well, it’s… well.” He stopped talking and brought his hands forward holding out a bouquet of sunflowers, chamomile and dahlias. You stood there for a couple seconds not understanding what was going on. “These are for you. As an apology for upsetting you, and, well I had something to say…” He trailed off, “Are you just going to stand there like a statue all night? Don’t you have a vase or something to put these in? I don’t want them to die, you know I can’t take care of plants.”

Reaching forward, your fingers brushed his as you took the flowers and felt like you were buzzing. The sweet gesture completely left you dazed, still convinced something was up.

“These are… for me?” you asked a bit dumbly. Before he could reply, you turned to walk to the kitchen.

“Yes, I thought it would be- well I didn’t want to show up empty handed.” His eyes followed your figure to you opening a cabinet to grab a vase that was just out of your reach. Quickly making his way over to you, he stood behind you to grasp it from the shelf. Your breath caught and your heart thumped a little too loudly when you felt his hand lightly rest on your waist as he took the vase and set it on the counter. Thankfully, he moved out of the way for you to fill it with water and put in the flowers trying to regain control of your breathing. The arrangement brightened up the space and reminded you of him- bright and sweet and lovely. You couldn’t imagine him going into a flower shop and picking these out, much less picking them out for you. The thought was a little funny but not funny enough…

Bringing you out of your reverie he softly made his way to you again and leaned against the counter. “You’re so silent I don’t like it.”

“Sorry I just don’t understand…” “I know,” he cut you off, “I just – I don’t know what I was thinking the other night. I’d blame it on the alcohol but really I was just being selfish. Things changed for me a while ago but I didn’t know to approach you. I always loved you but at some point, I started to realize just how much you mean to me. You’ve always taken care of me, cheered me on, been there for me. And then…when you went ghost on me, I panicked, I knew then I couldn’t live without you. I needed you to be mine, not as a best friend but as something more- I mean I feel so much more for you. I hoped you felt the same but I just couldn’t tell with the way you ran away from me. But then last night I felt like I was pressuring you to confess so I wanted to say it first. I like you, please give me a chance to take care of you. I want to be with you as long as you’ll let me.”

Throughout his monologue, you could barely hear him over your blood pumping in your ears and you felt a bit faint. This was everything you’ve wanted for over four years and it was finally coming true- you couldn’t believe this was real life. Your mind kept replaying him saying I’ve always loved you…

“Can you please say something.” He looked a little stern, but moved his hand gently to cup your cheek, stroking the skin there.

“Sunwoo…” He dropped his hand, looking at you with pleading eyes like he was anticipating your rejection. Grabbing his hand, you continued, “You must know how I feel, I’ve wanted you for so long. Please don’t tell me this is a joke.”

“I would never joke about this, you know I treasure your heart. I’ve always protected you. Even when you dated all those losers-“

“You dated losers too.”

“I know that. I couldn’t figure out why I was never satisfied, but I would always compare them to you and I chose our friendship every time.”

You could feel his sincerity and grabbed the fabric of his shirt at his thin waist.

“So… you really want to be with me?”

“More than anything.” He grabbed your face in his hands, just to look at you. It was so tender you wanted to cry. Again. Maybe there was something wrong with your tear ducts… Softly, he spoke up again.

“Can I kiss you? I’ve wanted to for so long.” All you could do was slowly nod and he stepped towards you, leaning down to kiss your forehead, then your temple, your cheek and finally pressed his lips against yours. You moved your hands to his shoulders, sliding them up to grab the hair at his nape, pressing him tighter against you. He kissed you twice more then moved to kiss your cheek again, squishing your face to purse your lips and kiss you again. You felt like you could black out as he ran his lips across your jawline, kissing just under your ear as he whispered an apology, finally pulling away.

Breathless, you replied “No need to apologize.” You moved your hands back to his shoulders, and tried not to look at his mouth, glossy from your lip balm and plump from his affections. As he ran his tongue over his lips and slightly smirked you thought,

He will be the death of me.

“Well…” trying to disperse the intense energy in the air you turned to look at the flowers again. “These are really pretty, thank you.”

“Well the lady at the shop helped a lot. Honestly I wanted to get you more gifts but I thought if you rejected me I would have to jump out of your window to escape the humiliation.”

Sighing, you faced him again.

“Honestly Sunwoo, how could you think I would ever reject you??”

“I don’t know!! Damn, I don’t know why it took me so long to admit my feelings. I always hated your boyfriends-“

“All two of them.” You reminded him with an eye roll.

“Ok well still. I hated all two of them.” “How do you think I felt watching you dote on other girls? Being so affectionate, writing songs for them…”

“You were always my inspiration. It was easier to write about someone I had a deeper connection with and that was always you.” “Well now I’m angry.” You pulled away and crossed your arms.

A look of panic washed over his face. “Angry with me already? We can’t start like this. Y/N, even though I didn’t see it quickly enough, we have so much time ahead of us.”

Looking at love itself, you pulled him in for another kiss.

You could never stay mad at him long.

#sunwoo #kim sunwoo #tbz #the boyz #sunwoo imagines #tbz sunwoo #sunwoo x reader #sunwoo scenarios #the boyz sunwoo #the boyz scenarios #the boyz imagines #the boyz reactions #sunwoo fluff #the boyz fluff #tbz fluff #tbz x reader

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aureus2010 · 10 days ago

Text

hey tumblr would yall like to see my acrylic on wood painting of follower sword

it was 12am when i finished this this took me 4 hours straight of my life. anyway this is my favourite thing ive made ever

wips and explanations under cut

first: sketch on paper, transferred to wood using that method where you fully pigment the other side and then trace over. also i gesso’d my wood

second: was testing out colours, bit iffy. the whole thing was blue instead of purple for a while so Oops… anyway i decided to texture the background since i really like doing that when i paint

third: was painting his wings and added the black lines on a whim. i liked them so i added black lines to Everything

you can also see quite a few details dropped because they were either too small or i was lazy…

#phighting!#phighting fanart #art #my art #phighting #fanart #sword phighting #follower sword #painting #acrylic on wood #fun fact that black isnt black. it’s extremely dark blue #PLEASE REBLOG THIS I SOLD MY SOUL TO MAKE THIS LAST NIGHT… THIS IS MY MAGNUM OPUS FOR THIS YEAR

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tomssexdoll · 7 months ago

Note

request.

smut 2011 bill and female reader.

bill comes home after a long day of work and yn wants to make him feel better so he surprises him with his favorite cake and she's also wearing his favorite set (something gothic like its style)

yn teases him with the cake as well

surprise

PAIRINGS: Bill 2011 x Female reader CONTENT: SMUT SYPNOSIS: Bill is tired and stressed out from a LONG day of work, Y/N feels bad and wants to make him feel better, knowing he was coming home late you made his favourite cake and wore his favourite lingiere set that you own. A/N: i want cake WARNINGS: teasing, dom!bill, sub!reader, p in v (riding), sucking d, tit playing

Bill finally came home from a long day of work, it was 10pm and I had prepared for his arrival, baking him his favourite cake so he could have something that would cheer him up when he finished his shift.

He came in the door, slouched over and groaning, slamming the keys onto the counter. His face softened as soon as he saw me, engulfing me in a hug, my face mushed against his chest. "Missed you so much baby..the guys are so frustrating, we had to work on a guitar solo for 4 fucking hours cause Tom couldn't get it right" he sighed, letting go and kissing me softly.

"Come here honey, I made your favourite" I smiled, grabbing his hand and guiding him into the kitchen, showing him a slice of his favourite cake, chocolate fudge cake with oreos on top. His eyes lit up at the sight of it, his mouth hanging low. "Oh thank you baby..you're such a good girl" he smiled softly, kissing my neck. I cut a huge slice for him and made him sit down on the couch.

"Stay there baby, I'll be back" I set the cake down, running to the bedroom and putting his favourite set of lingiere that I own, it was very gothic, full of black lace and little dark red flowers.

I came out and watched as his eyes widened, "fuck baby..." he mumbled, covering his mouth, trying to keep his composure. I smirked as a tent built in his pants.

I walked over to the couch and sat on his lap, grabbing the cake and slowly feeding it to him, "is it good baby..?" I whispered, nipping at his neck, he nodded and groaned as I grinded softly on his lap.

I "accidently" swiped some of the frosting onto his lip, "oops! Better clean that up" I smiled innocently, my tongue dragging across his lips, kissing them sweetly.

"Mmm, chocolate" I smirked, his hands flew to my ass and gripped it tightly. "Stop being a tease.." he growled, smacking the flesh.

I smirked and unbuckled his belt, his hips bucking up to help me take his pants off. I slid them off and sat back down on his lap, his cock straining against his boxers, begging to be freed.

I bit my lip and took his cock out, pumping it a few times before getting off the couch and onto my knees. Bill spread his legs slightly, letting me get in between them.

I held his cock with one hand and slightly wrapped my lips around his tip, lowering down onto his cock, "fuckk..yes baby wrap those pretty lips around my cock" he groaned, one hand tangling in my hair softly.

He guided me onto his cock, fitting the full thing inside my mouth. I gagged slightly as his tip hit the back of my throat, tears pricking at my eyes.

I bobbed my head up and down, slobbering all over his erect cock. He groaned and bucked his hips up again, slowly thrusting himself in my mouth, matching my thrusts. "Fuck...so good for me" he praised, caressing my hair softly.

I smiled, picking up my pace and sucking his length faster, ocassionaly swirling my tongue over his sensitive tip, gaining a satifying reaction out of him.

I felt his legs tense up a bit, signalling his impending orgasm. "Make me cum.." he groaned lowly, his head threw back onto the top part of the couch, his other hand reaching out to grip something.

Eventually his other hang grabbed onto my hair, he started to slam his hips into my mouth, throat fucking me cruely. His tip rammed into the back of my throat, saliva building around my mouth as I gagged on his cock.

"Yess!" he whined, shooting his cum deep into my throat, panting heavily. I swallowed his cum, standing up slowly, my legs slightly shaky from being on my knees for quite a while.

"Cmere baby" he smiled, pulled me onto his lap and taping the straps of the lingiere off, revealing my breasts. He grunted and shoved his head into my chest, licking and sucking on my nipples harshly.

I moaned at the sensation, pleasure waves coursing throughout my body as his suction got rougher. I moved the panty part of the lingiere to the side, revealing my pussy. I grinded on his cock to notify him and his eyes shot open, grinning widely and positioning himself at my entrance.

He slowly pushed in, groaning at my tightness, bottoming himself out. I got into a comfortable position, preparing to ride him when he started to softly thrust into me, I put my hand on his chest to stop him, "baby, let me take care of you" I smiled, lifting my hips up and slamming them down.

I moaned as his tip teasingly brushed against my g spot, making me motivated to go faster, I swayed my hips, getting into a pleasurable rhythm.

His hands flew to my ass, grabbing it tightly and smacking it, I gasped at the sudden spank, turning to him. He chuckled "sorry baby you get me so excited" diving his head back into my tits and sucking on my nipples again.

The way his tip brushed past my sweet spot and the sensation of his mouth on my nipples made me crazy, I knew my orgasm was fastly approaching so I sped up, hips slamming into his at an ungodly pace, sweat lining on my forehead, my eyebrows furrowed.

"Gonna cum!" I whined, my hands creeping down and holding onto his waist, the sound of skin slapping filling the house, our moans in sync.

He grabbed my hips, digging his nails into them as we came at the same time, my pussy cumming all over his cock and his load being squirted deep into my hole, coating my walls completely.

"Oh fuck..you're so good" he panted, holding me close to him. I fell forward and tried to catch my breath with him, both of our bodies covered in swear.

After we had calmed down he pulled me off his lap, picking me up in his arms and carrying me to the shower, "cmon baby, we'll wash up and eat that cake you made me" he smirked, kissing my neck gently and turning the water on.

tags: @itsmealaiah @tomscumdump @tomkaulitzloverr @tomscumdoll @ge-billsgf @miyukafujii @charliesgoodboy @estxkios @bkaulitzlover @ballhair

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vad-hander · 4 months ago

Text

LET’S KEEP IT SECRET Pt.5

pairing: Jaehyun x reader x Yuta

others: SM Rookies, multiple SM and JYP idols

words: 7k

side note: as usual, I'll appreciate all your feedback and thoughts!

Your hand raised immediately to cover your opened mouth. Fuck. Yuta’s outside. Yuta came here to see you. After months of silence, he shows up so randomly?! You were almost mad how unprepared you were for this meeting.

Like, not even mentally, your appearance was fucking awkward. You danced for the past 5 hours in a room with barely any venting system. You sweated so badly your hair now looked like you didn’t wash it for a week, you were procrastinating in your bed aka waiting for your turn in the shower - because with the number of people on the floor two bathrooms were just not it, you literally had to wait in a queue to shower - so you were in your training sweats and shirt. Ah, you panicked. Your hands automatically reached for your brush - at least you’d braid the mess on your head and not make it too obvious you were fresh out of practice. You roughly ran the brush through your hair, the silent room now filled with you ripping through your hair and awkwardly enough - attracting everyone’s attention to you. How the hell were you supposed to make yourself look presentable without people questioning why you’re acting that way? You braided your hair quickly, trying not to pay too much attention to the curious eyes. You are, at the end of the day, planning to be famous - you have to be used to people watching you, tho its not really the same, but it should be the same in your head in order for you to not flip out. You found your lip balm and hid it in the pocket to not put it on so openly and ran out of the room in pure silence only to return a second after. “I-, ahem, I’m going to the CU, does anyone need anything?“

“Yeah, no.“ Jiwon gave you a weird look, crossing eyes with Sieun. Well, okay.

You didn’t have a second to think if you wanted to slow down or speed up or what you were going to say, you just ran out of the building without any thoughts. You just really wanted to see Yuta with your eyes. Just have him before you no matter how awkward this might be, just look at him. God, why did you not see him?! Your eyes ran across the entrance of the building one time and once again, because there wasn’t anyone. You walked off further into the street, turning the corner of the building, immediately meeting with Yuta’s eyes. You jumped in place and stopped. You weren’t sure if you should sprint off and hug him or let him take the lead. Yuta took a step towards you and you did so too automatically, meeting somewhere in-between. Yuta stared at you and his eyes were trying to drink in every feature on your face, while you were doing the same. You were trying to see if anything changed, if anything was different and it seemed like everything was not the same but at the same time he was just who you remembered him to be. It felt so weird, like some fever dream turn into live or more like a brimmed with romance k-drama moment where two leads finally meet each other after years of separation. The street lights and autumn breeze was adding up to the feeling. You blinked silently at the man like amoeba, not knowing what was the reason behind him coming here, what did he think of you and what you should be acting like in front of him now. What were you? Should you just ask him in the face? You seriously considered, since he watched you without saying a thing.

“I would say that I’m so happy you texted, but if I’m completely honest, I’m so confused at this point.“ you surprised Yuta by breaking the silence.

“Jaehyun told me you two were discussing… us?“ Ugh, he did? You recalled saying something to him along the lines of maybe you can ask him and tell me, but you didn’t expect him go out of his way and actually do it. One more UGH for Jeong Jaehyun. You were beyond conscious of what he might’ve said or discussed with Yuta.

“That’s pretty exaggerated.“ You weren’t discussing your relationship, you literally cut him off in like two sentences and continued with your exchange of random things that happened in your life in the time being you avoided him.

“Anyway.“ what was they sigh and the undertone of that word. Was he…pissed off? The tone of his voice was giving something between slight indifference and irritation.

“Yes, anyway.“ You felt a little more worked up just from the look he gave you. That’s very much not how you imagined the reunion with your boyfriend, or more likely ex-boyfriend by now. “So Jaehyun is the only reason you reached out after months of silence?“

“Yes and no. He told me about seeing you and I realised that I would’ve liked it for myself too. To see you, talk to you and everything else.“ Everything else is what…? Touching, hugging, kissing and …? You needed elaboration on this uncertainty.

“Okay.“ You gave him a nod, very much flabbergasted at the prospect of possibly kissing Yuta.

“Do you hate me? For leaving you to hang on for this long?“ his eyes pierced through yours. “I reckoned you’ll need a lot of time to process the transfer and new life and new people and I tried to give you space to work everything out. My own debuted and other things got in the way. I took too long and then was just scared and awkward to reach out.“

“But I messaged you. You could’ve said literally anything back.“

“I’m sorry.“ He did sound full of remorse, you’d give him that.

“Well at least you had more than enough time to think everything through.“ You cackled, not able to hold yourself back from coming at him.

“Right.“

“So… I guess you came here to give me the verdict?“

“I came here to tell you that I’ve been missing you so fucking bad. That I really badly want to talk to you and hug you again and kiss you again. I want to know everything that’s been happening to you recently. I texted you to see if you’d be able to forgive me for taking so long. So…will you forgive me? Are we still on the same page?“ He crushed the words at you like a cannon ball. They were things you wanted to hear, but somehow at the same time you were feeling uneasy at the confession. You had to tell him first thing that came into your mind otherwise the silence felt too deafening. Yuta gripped your palm as proof of what he felt.

“My company…. We have a very strict no dating policy. We’re not even allowed to have a simple crush. Literally anything relationship related is strictly prohibited.“

“You know that SM have all the same rules.“

“No-, like gawking over someone gets you to pack your bags and leave, Yuta.“

“Okay?“ He couldn’t understand where you led him, neither did you.

“And you’re a whole damn man, that comes to see me at night.“

“That’s why I didn’t come to the entrance where all those CCTV cams could see us.“

“Yeah.“ You gave him a nod but clearly didn’t acknowledge what he said properly, continuing on with what you were saying “Not even a year ago one of the guys at the company got his contract terminated because he was allegedly breaking the no dating rule. Our producer is very strict with those rules, he says it has to be at least 5 years before we should even think of dating. Otherwise we’re not dedicated enough.“ you paused because you would love to feel Yuta’s grip on your fingers. If he touched you, you would’ve stopped to crash these things at him.

“I see, you’re trying to refuse me.“ How would he make a conclusion like that when you didn’t even know yourself, what you were trying to do.

“No. I’m just stating facts. For you… to consider.“

“I have considered all those things. Nothing’s changed for me. I still find you very beautiful, I’m still deeply attracted to you.“ You felt a butterfly flop inside your chest. This was such a relief to hear - Yuta still wanted you.

“Me too.“ You half whispered, you really didn’t want to admit something like that out loud where people could see and hear you. You suddenly felt a little conscious doing these things in front of your literal dorm, where you didn’t have friends, but a whole damn building of people that would happily sneak on you to free one more spot in the competition, but the man in front of you didn’t feel the same way. Yuta moved his foot a step forward, knocking it against your shoe. His fingers laced through yours once again in such electrifying movement you almost lost all your consciousness and leaned in to kiss him. Yuta pulled you towards him, taking a couple steps back from the lit up pavement, to the more dark and private space under a tree.

“Fuck, I really missed even simply holding on to your fingers.“ Yuta sighed miserably. He squeezed your hands like he regretted every previous decision he made and you believed the boy that stood right in front of you. You believed because despite not making a lot of moves to reunite yourself, you longed and waited and held that little something you had between you close to your heart. You believed you were loving him, because you couldn’t say you knew for sure, you didn’t know much about love enough to state it. You loved your dad, because he was your parent, he took care of you, understood you, listened to you, helped you through hardships, took your side when everyone - or more accurately your mom - were against you. You loved Jaehyun, because he was the first person in your life that could understand you. With no mockery, jealousy or humiliation. He reached for the same goals and understood you completely. In addition to that, he knew how to make you smile, how to make you feel better, when you were down. He seemed to genuinely care for you and who you were, he cared for every little thing you told him or showed him. You loved him because his ways of being your friend helped you become a good one for him, or at least, you were hoping you were still in the process to become one. You loved him just because he was Jaehyun, your best friend, your first friend in SM and your first best friend in the whole wide world.

But Yuta… you felt like you loved him because when he kissed you that first time, your whole being flipped. You don’t remember how or why you existed before that. At first you were obviously, clearly very much shocked at the action. A) you were a baby back then, you didn’t really think of anything like that; b) you were scared of anything related to attraction to other people since something like that would clearly take a toll on your success and debut - and maybe it already did - and you just didn’t want to admit. You were loving Yuta in a completely different way - in a way what you considered a grown woman love a grown man. Not sure if the type together forever kind of love, but together for a long time type of way. You were feeling that heaviness of excitement in your chest now that Yuta was staring at you like that. Your feelings might’ve started to feel like nothing in the past weeks, because you were busy and alone and maybe a little hopeless, but him being here right now made it overwhelming.

“Me too.“ You meowed in his hold. You weren’t able to talk properly, to stand your ground - no way at all. You were mushy in his hold, if he’d pull your hands down, you’d fold right before him in a second.

“I still am very much in love with you.“ He leaned in and brushed his lips over your cheek. You felt heated in a nano-second, squeezing Yuta’s fingers tighter in your hold. You tried to free one of your hands to hug his waist, but his fingers felt like claws over yours.

“Me too.“ You whispered breathlessly as your mouth tried to find Yuta’s, lick into it even for the briefest moment and then do whatever the hell he would want to, but he moved away and you found it in yourself to talk. “I have to be honest. This company, it really can’t be compared to SM, everything is different and I’m scared. Of how this is going to go, I’m scared that someone is possibly watching us right now and I’m going to get kicked out tomorrow. I am so scared that following what my heart wants in love department will ruin what I want to have in my career. I fear that having a boyfriend is going to end things for me. Maybe for you too. We’re risking a lot. So much, Yuta.“

“It’s fine.“ Hm? What does he mean it’s fine…? “Just don’t tell them I’m your boyfriend, just a guy friend from way back. We won’t put a label on it for everyone to see. There’s Jaehyun and there’s me, no difference for everyone else. No one should care about what we’re doing in privacy, when being with each other. Who would care to find out that the difference between me and Jaehyun is that I’m desperately in love with you? Well, huh, wait.“ Yuta paused, smirked and raised an brow at you with his signature playful smile. “How does that make me any different from Jaehyun then?“ Yuta smarted quickly, full on beaming so proud of his own joke. You punched his shoulder playfully, finally being able to get away from his grip. Now that he made jokes about Jaehyun, it almost felt like nothing at all changed.

“Congratulations, boo.“ Jaehyun shoved a bouquet in your face. You smiled, taking the flowers from his grip, giving them barely a glance as your hand turned them facing down. Your eyes darted from one corner to the other, not focusing on Jaehyun even for the slightest second. If you did though, you would’ve noticed how his smile turned downwards as his eyes soaked in your indifference. You were thankful that he came, you were so happy he came for you, but there was a main question that needed to be asked.

“Where’s Yuta?“ You asked impatiently. Jaehyun’s eyes, that lit up upon your attention on him extinct as he heard your question.

“Don’t know.“ He had to clear his throat before replying.

“Don’t you live together?“ You scrutinised Jaehyun, almost too accusatory for such a public instance.

“I’m sorry.“ Jaehyun lowered his gaze to the ground, hitting your heart with a pang and maybe finally bringing you back to your senses. You smiled apologetically, almost poking his cheek at how terribly cute he looked with his head down, apologising for not knowing whereabouts of your not-boyfriend-boyfriend. You pressed Jaehyun’s bouquet to his chest and he jerked his head up in fear at first, relaxing as he saw your soft face expression. Did he think you were going to throw those flowers at him? You almost felt hurt that your best friend thought you were a bitch.

“You have nothing to apologise for. You came to my graduation despite being a very busy boy.“ You murmured as softly as possible being surrounded by hundreds of other school graduates. Jaehyun showed you his dimples and you took a step forward, keeping the flowers to his chest. “You’re the very best, as usual.“ Jaehyun chuckled and tapped the top of your head.

“Don’t“ he beamed, pleased.

“And very sweet, you didn’t have to buy me peonies.“ You ogled properly the flowers, to not ogle over Jaehyun. His hand on the top of your hair felt like lava dripped down from where he touched you. It felt too hot, despite it being very early February. You found his hand with your free one, touching his palm with yours and making sure it wasn’t even hot, it was your body having thermoregulations issues.

“You came to my graduation, I came to yours. That’s what best friends do, boo.“ Jaehyun wiggled your fingers in his hold, making you emotional. That’s what best friends do, then what the f is the boyfriend doing - not coming to one important thing in your life.

“I think ‘boo’ has romantic under text, Jaehyun.“ you chuckled, processing what he called you. “Someone might overhear us and think we’re romantically involved.“ You chuckled at the thought, it seemed a little funny to you, when your eyes still searched for Yuta with peripheral vision.

“It’s only romantic if you make it sound this way. I was envisioning boo like a ghost, because you’ve been more of a ghost in my life for the past half a year. You’ve been ghosting me, boo.“ He smirked as he smarted his last sentence, and you swallowed a chuckle, moving your head disapprovingly. You hugged him instead of an answer, squeezing the flowers between your bodies because you felt weird and thought it’d be a great shield from direct contact with his body. “Love you.“ Jaehyun whispered lowly above your ear, his arm squeezing your shoulders, the other one patting your back. “Not romantically, in case you’ve started to imagine things.“ He chuckled and you couldn’t stop yourself from pinching his side.

“Shut up.“ You tried to wiggle out of the hug, Jaehyun’s fingers only gripping tighter onto your shoulder. “I love you, too.“

“I hope no one’s taking pics, huh.“ Jaehyun immediately let go of you, pulling back up the face mask on his face, as if the past 10 minutes weren’t enough to recognise him for whoever wanted to recognise him.

“I’m here for Jungkook’s graduation.“ he pushed the flowers against your chest once again and took a very big step back. “I don’t even know you. Who are you, again?“ He squeezed his eyes like he couldn’t see you and you shrugged. He was talking at least two times louder, like he couldn’t hear you through the crowd and you needed to keep up with him.

“Don’t know you either… are you sure you’re Jungkook’s friend? I don’t think he ever mentioned you.“ Your pointing finger made a zigzag in the air, like it could help you remember something. “Do you even see him?“ You smirked because Jaehyun have not stepped a foot away from you since the moment he arrived and it didn’t seem like he was trying to look for anyone else.

“Just lost him out of my sight.“ Jaehyun scratched his forehead like he tried to remember which direction his friend went.

“I see.“ You nodded, smiling because Jaehyun couldn’t keep his face straight. He shoved the flowers against your face to hide you from him.

“Oh! Jaehyunie!“ You heard an exclamation from behind.

“My princess!“ You jumped in place, quickly turning to find the source of that sound, finally training your eyes on the man that tried to crawl through all students and families.

“Dad!“ You exclaimed and lost yourself in a hug.

“Congratulations, I’m so proud of you.“ Your dad kissed both your cheeks, before one more bouquet appeared before your eyes.

“Thank you.“ You smiled and kissed your fathers cheek in return.

“Come here, greet your mother.“ Your mom called for you, somehow her hand settled on Jaehyun’s wrist, the deadly grip making it impossible for him to disappear. You gave your mom a quick hug, and allowed her to kiss your cheek. “We should take a photo together. Jaehyun, take one for us.“

“Of course, ma’am.“ Jaehyun bowed like a well-trained puppy and showed you his dimples for encouragement. Your mum forced the face mask off his face somewhere in the process, you laughed.

“One, two, say kimchi.“ He pressed onto the cameras button and the sound of shutter let you know the photo was taken.

“Now with your mom only.“ Your father pressed you into your mothers side and forced you to smile, taking the camera out of Jaehyun’s grip. He stood there awkwardly, next to your dad like he was next in line for something. Another sound of shutter. “Now with me only.“ Your dad took the spot next to you and you tried to pose more enthusiastically than before. Click and the pic is done. Jaehyun blinked quietly, when it felt like a perfect que for him to exit the scene, your dad made it impossible “With Jaehyun now, too!“

“It’s fine.“ Your friend protested as he read confusion on your face. It wasn’t even confusion, you just wanted a picture with Yuta on your graduation day and you were not getting one and you were hurt. You would trade a photo with Jaehyun in a heartbeat to one with Yuta. You anyway had hundreds of pics with Jaehyun, it wouldn’t hurt if you had one less.

“No, come here, Jungkook’s friend.“ you gestured for him to get to you.

“Okay, princess.“ He mocked, making the tone of his voice funny trying to impersonate your dad. You rolled your eyes in fake annoyance, immediately being gagged by your own body when Jaehyun’s arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you into his side. Your head turned to see Jaehyun, because you were flabbergasted all of a sudden and needed to see if he felt any of that. Seemed like he didn’t, he cracked a smile, showing off his dimples, fingers of his free hand forming a V. Sound of shutter and there you have a picture of you staring up at Jaehyun. “One more!“ You shout before anyone could move from their place.

Jaehyun, thank god, moved his hand off your waist to drop it on top of your head and smiled once again. You smiled too, snugging an arm over his waist this time.

“One, two, three, kimchi!“ Your dad announced loudly and you tickled Jaehyun’s side, forcing a chuckle out his throat. It sounded so unusually low you needed a second to process what that was, because he suddenly make your insides tremble with how low that sound was. You stole a quick glance at Jaehyun, seeing how that tickle made his whiskers appear, you prayed he’d have them visible in the photo too.

You unglued yourself from your best friend when the two of you stood too close for too long.

“Who’s Jungkook?“ Your mom wondered.

“Jaehyun’s friend that graduates today too.“ You stated the simple truth.

“Do you know him?“ What did she mean by that? Why did she care? Oh god.

“Jaehyun, do you want to join us for celebratory lunch? Of course, if only your schedule allows you to join us.“ Your dad slightly bowed like Jaehyun was some sort of serious politician, sportsman or at least a senior to him.

“He’s a celebrity now! Of course he doesn’t have time to dine with us!“ Your mom waved off your father at the silly suggestion.

“No, no, mr and missis y/l/n, I would gladly join your lunch to celebrate graduation of your daughter.“ Jaehyun almost bowed 90 degrees in deepest reverence for your parents and you had to physically catch his shoulder mid way to stop him at least at 45 degrees.

“Ah! Jaehyunie! The tone of your voice, it’s so deep and charming! I can’t believe it, just last time I saw you it wasn’t like that“ Your mom hid her face in her hands in shock, she acted like a whole different person when it came to Jaehyun, you hated how she couldn’t do the same to Yuta, or you. You really didn’t want to remind her she saw him more than a year ago and that his voice has been this way for a little while.

“It just happened overnight.“ Jaehyun chuckled, his ears suddenly turning pink, as he walked in front of you with your parents. You wondered if you’d trail off the route, how quickly they’d notice you were gone.

“What is this?“ you felt a rush of warmth throughout your body, making your palm immediately sweaty in Yuta’s hold. You don’t know exactly why would you ask the question, when you could see very clearly for yourself the words above the entrance. Motel. And the door was graced with a piece of paper, that read hourly rates applicable. You felt warm rashes through your body every time you read those words and if you continued you most likely would’ve fell on the floor from high blood pressure. The door opened and you tore your hand from Yuta’s hold, hiding your face even more behind the mask and the cap you wore. You had another rash of sweat down your spine as you saw people walk down the stairs, both the man and the lady looked like they had sex just a minute ago, which honestly most likely wasn’t a mistake. It was an hourly motel, at the end of the day.

“A place, where you and I can be one on one with no fear of being seen, disturbed or whatever.“ Yuta found your hand once again and squeezed it.

“It’s an hourly motel.“ You said out loud and felt even more sweat form on your lower back. If Yuta wasn’t able to distinguish your feelings by your face that hid behind clothing, he should’ve definitely felt it in the tone of your voice. You almost lost balance on your two feet as another couple walked past you, this time inside the building and if it wasn’t for Yuta’s grip on you, you would’ve took off away right then and there.

“Yes, it doesn’t matter. Does it? You and me together is the only thing that matters.“

“What if someone sees us?“ Your throat gave up on you as the thought gave you a whiplash.

“Trust me, just trust me. Come on.“ Yuta moved your body in front of his, grabbing your face with his hands. Despite your endless will to trust him, you were having second hand thoughts on the idea. “Do you really want to leave? I promise you, I really tried to pick a good one. Coming in or leaving?“ Yuta asked concerned, now that he was able to see your eyes he could very clearly tell that you were concerned - well who wouldn’t - and tried to make you feel better.

“Coming in.“ your voice sounded weaker than usual. Yuta smiled and kissed your face, where he’d guessed through the mask your mouth was and dragged you behind himself.

“Why are you not taking the mask off?“ Yuta glanced quickly at your unmoving body on the corner of the bed, before continuing with whatever he was doing in his backpack. The thing did seem packed to the brim and you were curious what Yuta had in there, before he brought you to the hourly motel. It did look nice inside, despite the room being small and obviously cheap - it was relatively fresh renovation and almost didn’t look like you rented this thing for 5 hours, though you couldn’t kill the thought of people coming in here to specifically have sex, and you couldn’t stop thinking on the number of people that had sex in this exact room and you couldn’t stop thinking how you most likely are going to end up doing the same thing and what’s even worse than that, you couldn’t stop thinking-

“What if there’s a hidden camera? Or worse… many cameras?“ You couldn’t even lift your hand to reveal your face to possibly hidden viewers in this room.

“What?“ Yuta chuckled at your -ridiculous- suggestion, before swallowing and leaving his backpack alone to stand in front of you. The bed had tall legs, allowing Yuta to not bend too much to be on your level. His fingers squeezed your cheeks and forced the face mask down your face. “I wouldn’t bring you to some weird ass place with sperm sprayed all over the walls.“ Well, good, but still, you would’ve appreciated an actual hotel much more. “I heard good things about this place from my friends… well, because not everyone is Jeong Jaehyun with an apartment in Apgujeong.“ there was no emotion in the tone of his voice, he was just saying things he thought, but it stung so fucking badly how he always had to put Jaehyun in comparison. Even if his family home was in the most expensive district of Seoul, it didn’t mean Yuta was any poor coming here from Japan. He was poor because in the circumstance he was a foreigner with no home and was sent a certain amount by his parents, not because he didn’t have any money at home. It wasn’t about Jaehyun or this place or anything else at all. It was about you and Yuta, but somehow he wanted it to be about someone else too. “Anyway, my friends come here sometimes, it’s not too low class, at least these sheets are clean, okay? Once I have a better option, we won’t have to do it like that.“

“Okay.“ You gave Yuta an unnoticeable nod, his lips brushing the corner of your lips in reply.

“There’s no hidden cam, don’t even think of such things. I wouldn’t bring you to a place like that nor would I risk my very real career for a fuck.“ Very real as if in what you were doing wasn’t that real? Or were you trying to read between the lines too much because you were in a very smitten mood. Almost in a mood where if you weren’t your usual mushy self when it came to Yuta you would’ve stood up and left. Because this was making you feel uncomfortable to an extent you can’t describe. “It’s your birthday, I just wanted us to be together. I have a surprise, close your eyes.“ Yuta smiled at you sweetly, like when he wanted you to do things he wanted and you didn’t. You gave him a smile too, because you were getting all grumpy and unfriendly because whatever this was didn’t meet with your expectations. You pecked his lips and closed your eyes with a smile on your lips that hurt a little, because you were trying really hard not to think of your last birthday, when Jaehyun invited you to that Apgujeong home and made you feel happy.

You listened to Yuta’s shuffling, probably in that backpack of his, finally you felt his knees bump into yours as he got back in front of you and you felt his fingers wrap around yours. “You can open your eyes.“ And you did so on command, met with a view of Yuta in a birthday hat, throwing a spiral confetti in your face. “Happy birthday!“

“Thank you.“ You smiled, flinching as the thrown confetti almost hit your face. Yuta’s now free hand pushed your cap off your head, forcefully putting on a party cone that said birthday girl. You chuckled sincerely, helping Yuta with the elastic band over your chin.

“I love you, birthday girl.“ you beamed because despite what you just thought and felt you loved him too. Yuta leaned in to you a little more making the ring on his necklace visible from his shirt, you didn’t even have a second to think, you just leaned in and kissed his mouth, because there was nothing else to do. The past year have been very tough on the both of you. You started it off badly with your transition and after that long break of not talking to each other you rebuild what you had in a very low-key manner. Too low-key even for your liking, you couldn’t imagine what Yuta felt like. You could quite possibly count on your fingers the number of times the two of you kissed, so kissing him like this felt a little unreal. Just your lips on Yuta’s, being able to move slowly, marking every bit of his mouth with love and need, to be in his arms and continue kissing him like that. You invited Yuta’s tongue in your mouth, as he moved it slowly against your closed lips. He finally grabbed onto your neck, allowing for you to slightly back up against his hold, because it was hard for you to hold your composure. You almost forgot how good of a kisser Yuta was - not that you had anyone to compare it to - your tongue licked against his and as your body leaned back against the mattress, Yuta chased your mouth, not wishing to break the kiss even for a moment, finding balance next to your shoulders. “You’re making it incredibly hard to focus on anything else, my love.“ Yuta found it in him to pull away for a moment, only to lean back in and kiss your cupids bow, pressing his nose against your cheek.

“What were you planning to do, bringing me to an hourly motel?“ You chuckled, not even annoyed anymore, just curious because it did sound a little funny to you.

“We probably spent less than 24 hours together in a whole damn year since your last birthday. Doing anything together is fine. I mean it when I say I miss you.“ Yuta bit onto his lip, staring you down. “I haven’t seen you up close like this probably in a whole fucking year, and you’re my girlfriend. How ridiculous is that?“

“I always think of that time we went to Japan and had a real nice date. That is the sweetest thing anyone ever did to me.“

“Me too, I always think about that night.“ Yuta’s lips kissed your jaw, as his body dropped on the bed next to you, unable to hold his bodyweight with his arms any longer. “When your first vacation comes, first thing we’re doing - a trip anywhere, just you and me.“

“Promise?“ Your heart chirped, that’s exactly a promise you needed from him.

“Yes, love, promise.“ Yuta cosied himself on the mattress, snaking both his hands to lay half of you on top of him.

“What if our schedules don’t ever match up?“ You worried.

“I don’t think it’s possible for us to never match in schedules. Don’t worry, I’ll make it work for you.“ Yuta’s fingers trailed a line from your elbow to the shoulder. You had to swallow, because you really wanted to ask him why would he not make it work for your school graduation when Jaehyun did make it work. Jaehyun, who was a little busier with schedules than Yuta, you needed to be a blind fool to not notice how your friend had side gigs and Yuta didn’t. He had no excuse to not come, the thought been eating you up for months. You had to swallow it once again, because you didn’t want to fight, because maybe not saying a thing about it now, months after, was the best thing for you. Maybe Yuta couldn’t even remember by now, since he never brought it up himself.

You rolled your arms before your body, bouncing slightly on the floor to the beat, as the last beat approached, you counted in your head 1 and 2 and 3 and 4, and stood up gracefully with a turn in the ending pose. After a pause for not longer than 5 seconds you heard intensive clapping and even sounds of encouragement behind you. 5 people in front of you though kept their faces emotionless, but somehow it didn’t faze you anymore. They always tried to keep that mysterious aura, fear everyone to insecurity and plain panic, but if you worked hard they didn’t usually say a bad thing-or more likely you didn’t hear them say bad things to you and others-, well, you developed an ability of turning your brain off as soon as your bum met with the floor and you weren’t sure how things went for others. It’s been a year and you still didn’t make many friends in the company and at this point pretty much gave up and kept everyone as friendly acquaintance. At least they didn’t want to be mean in your face, fake friendliness you could bare with. Everyone clapped and cheered because it’d paint them as supportive friends and good people - more points when it comes to evaluations. You knew the rule and followed it yourself, this clearly wasn’t the place to be not like other girls, but it didn’t change anything.

You bent a little and caught your breath in two heavy breathes, straining your back back at the evaluation committee.

“Good.“ Your choreographer nodded to fellow evaluators. “Questions, notes, grades?“

“Could you share with us why you chose the choreography and the song?“ Mr.Lee, the creative director asks you.

“Theme of this month is hip-hop, we had guest choreographers this month that helped us improve our hip-hop skills. I wanted to do something fresh and relevant, something that would allow for you to see my improvement, but wouldn’t be a copy-paste of things we did in class. Seemed like a perfect choice.“ You noticed a slight nod in the oratory teachers’ head, you breathed in satisfied - you definitely checked off a box in her list.

“Wasn’t the song released on Wednesday? You learned it in one day?“ your choreographer continued with the questions, only to be interrupted by JYP himself.

“You didn’t prepare for the evaluation well? Choosing a song so new is very irresponsible.“ The song was released just a day ago, they were right, but you did prepare for the evaluation thoroughly. You’ve been learning this choreo whenever you had an opportunity to see or hear Yuta, whenever the two of you face timed or very rarely talked in person. You would’ve told them the truth if it didn’t borne more questions and awkward stares. Your only option was to claim you were able to learn it in one glance.

“No, I was preparing GOT7’s Never Ever, but heard the NCT song yesterday and thought how it clearly fits the hip-hop theme better. Changed my choice last minute.“ Yes, you somehow had the crazy idea of doing Cherry Bomb for the monthly evaluation in a day after it was released. You hoped it was believable you were able to learn the dance in a day. They looked at you for a few seconds and you didn’t understand the meaning behind the stare. “I believe I was able to show my own colour while following the choreography flawlessly and be on theme.“ You stated confidently, they tried to push you into insecurity - it was their way of doing things, one of already debuted artists at the company shared the life hack. Stand your ground and talk confidently - they’ll accept any answer as long as they don’t see you flinch at persistence.

“If you learned the choreo that flawlessly in a day it’s impressive.“ Your choreographer smiled at you in a very low-key manner and you bowed, to show your gratitude and hide traces of a smile you swallowed.

“Did you learn the whole dance or just the dance break?“ Your eyes darted back at JYP that seemed curious.

You knew by heart the whole thing through Yuta’s part. The only reason you chose the dance break hid behind the fact that somehow NCT had the most embarrassing dance moves throughout the song and doing all those jumps and weird hand movements in front of all these people on your own would’ve killed you. For real. The dance break plus last chorus including that part where you had to drop on your back for the ending point was the perfect fit for the 60 seconds you were given to perform.

“I learned most of the song, but I enjoyed the dance break and chorus the most, thus decided to show that part.“

“Okay, I have nothing to add. If you’re ready, we can get to singing.“ you nodded and took a step to the mark on the floor.

You had a tingling sensation of nervousness at the back of your neck. It was always advised to not take long to start off, otherwise you could possibly be asked to step away as unprofessional. You took a breath and made a sound with your throat.

“Ah, I heard you took first place in your evaluation group.“ Yeji smiled at you, you gave her a barely noticeable nod as you and a bunch of other people left the elevator. “Cool, that means we’re training in the same group for the upcoming month.“ You stopped midway as you were pulling your mask up, almost automatic move as you were leaving the building.

“You placed first?“ You exclaimed, your voice resonating probably through the whole hall. She gave you an excited nod, and you felt so happy for her. She worked so hard to beat everyone this time and you jumped excitedly, squeezing the girl in front of you excitedly. She clearly was taken aback for a moment, hence the two of you never hugged or had much physical contact in the past year, but you felt happy for her and maybe felt like it was the time to break the wall. You let go of Yeji, grabbing her wrists next and jumping excitedly, making the girl hyped up and jump with you. “Yay! Yeji, I’m so proud of you.“ Your fingers squeezed the life out of her wrists. “They want us to do duet for this month, to see how well we work in smaller teams.“

“Really? I haven’t heard of this months’ theme yet. If you don’t have a partner yet, it’d be such an honour for me to pair up with you.“

“Stop! It’s no honour and I would love to work on something with you.“

“Yay!“ She clapped and her pretty eyes and smile made you so happy. You genuinely felt happy for her, you genuinely felt proud. You felt a little flare up in your chest that you didn’t want it to ignite too much, but the thought crossed your mind anyway. If only we could debut together.

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iamiamiam1111 · 2 years ago

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Challenge Progress:

so I’m doing @lotusmi‘s void challengeeee!

but I’m also using it in the case of making my life perfect and it works really well.

22nd February 2023:(Day-1)

okay it’s only day-1 and I’ve already seen great results.

- usually,when I wake up,I instantly go and check for more void success storie for motivation which is a bad habit ik but today,right after waking up,I ranted about how it’s super easy to get into the void state which is so aNnOyInG. right after that,I didn’t feel the urge to do that anymore. i knew that I get into the void effortlessly becuz I said so.

- in the afternoon,I put the sleep paralysis vid recommended by @gorgeouslypink. i never tried to induce sleep paralysis before so it’s time I do it. (nah I just was in the mood to do it today so I did lmao). i closed my eyes and affirmed for the void and I felt like I was being sucked out of my body and after a few minutes,I fell back into my body. but I was close.

but the thing is…

that is not how you induce sleep paralysis. 😭

you should set a timer for 5 hours first but I obviously didn’t recheck the sleep paralysis post and I just stayed still for like 10 minutes.

but it kinda worked ‘cause I assumed it did so-

- my void concept has gotten a lot better. now I do find void to be a part of my life. it’s easy and effortless for me to enter because I am the void. i don’t find void to be an impossible task to do. (I didn’t rlly find it impossible before but I did assume multiple times that it was hard to get into the void which was a huge mistake of mind because it’s super easy to enter.)

- my self concept has gotten better too. I have been manifesting things more effortlessly and i admire myself whenever I look in the mirror. (self-love 😌❤️) I also ranted about how I was addicted to studying and how it was SO annoying that I always get full marks. the board exams (finals) are starting in 4 days so I’ll tell you how it does. about the studying part,I studied ALOT today. I don’t even study like this usually. but today,I studied a lottt without my parents lecturing me to do so. my parents complimented me on this wheeee.

these are the results so far.

i am gunna try the @gorgeouslypink‘s Fild method when I wake up tmr because to me,it’s an easy method and I have had multiple successes of getting lucid dreams so this method resonates with me. thank you for reading! have a great day!

24th February 2023:(Day-2,Friday)

alright so today will be counted as day-2 because yesterday,I took a break. BUT GUESS WHAT?

today,I did an alpha state meditation and after affirming that I’m in the void for a few minutes,I GOT IN! I affirmed for this specific flavour of pringles and this specific flavour of dairy milk lmao. idk I just felt like it (food is life) and then,I got out of the void AND I GOT IT!

I have to make a void list to manifest the next time I enter the void.

i manifested a magnum icecream bar too but I already ate it lmao…oops.

Ik this seems like a simple desire but still…nothing compares to food. I should’ve manifested a feast but-

I’ve been wanting pringles for a while and specifically the pizza flavour and I just got some random chocolate that came to my mind to go along with it uwu.

Here’s proof:

#voidstate #void success #void state #manifestation #lawofassumption #law of assumption #success story

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mcrdvcks · 3 months ago

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Sweet Dreams - Chapter 2

Chapter Summary: Alexandria starts to attend classes while also struggling with insomnia.

Word Count: 15.2k+

Pairing: Logan (X-Men) x Original Female Character (platonic relationship)

Notes: i meant to update yesterday, but imma be real, college is no joke, especially when you're like me and have chronic insomnia and get 4 hours of sleep on a good day.

anyways, quick note. when dialogue is italicized it means alexandria, or other characters, are talking in a different language, usually russian. some words i kept in russian only because alexandria uses them often (they're pretty much just curse words).

i had no idea this chapter was 15k, oops

Series Masterlist - Chapter 1 → Chapter 3

AO3 Link For Chapter

Alexandria looked down at the paper schedule in her hand. There were 4 classes for the day, each to be repeated every day.

She thought HYDRA was bad? This was almost the same thing. Or maybe she was just exaggerating.

After a week of getting used to the environment, Professor Xavier thought it best for her to start classes. Kitty was taking her to her first period, which was chemistry taught by Hank.

“Mr. McCoy isn’t a bad teacher.” Kitty said, as they walked, “if you end up taking any sort of biology or mutant physiology, then you’ll get Dr. MacTaggert. She’s a bit harsher.”

Kitty continued to talk as they walked down the hallway, her tone light and conversational. Alexandria appreciated that Kitty didn’t try too hard to make her feel at ease, but instead just talked about things that might be useful. It was a different approach than what Alexandria was used to, and it made her feel slightly less on edge.

“Mr. McCoy—well, Hank, really—he’s great with chemistry. He’s one of the smartest people I know,” Kitty said with a small smile. “And he’s really patient, which helps if you’re, you know, new to all this.”

Alexandria nodded, though she wasn’t sure how much that would matter. She had a lot of catching up to do, considering she didn’t even know how a computer worked until last week. The thought of trying to keep up with the other students in a subject as complex as chemistry made her stomach twist, but she kept her face neutral.

As they neared the classroom, Kitty paused, turning to face Alexandria. “Listen, I know it’s a lot to take in. I was pretty overwhelmed when I first got here too. But if you need anything—help with classes, or just someone to talk to—I’m around.”

Before Alexandria could respond, Scott walked in between the two of them, placing an arm around each of their shoulders. Alexandria furrowed her brows at the action.

“Don’t worry Kitty. I’ll help her, I have chemistry too.” Scott raised a hand in front of Alexandria as she stared at it.

Was this an American gesture? She doesn’t think she’s seen this in HYDRA before.

Alexandria stared at Scott's raised hand; her expression blank as she tried to decipher what he wanted from her. It took her a moment to realize it was a gesture meant to be friendly, maybe even encouraging. Slowly, she lifted her own hand and awkwardly slapped it against his, feeling utterly out of her depth.

Scott chuckled. “High five! We’ll work on that.”

She didn’t respond, unsure of what to make of the entire interaction. It felt forced, unnatural. She’d spent the last week trying to figure out how to exist in this strange new environment, but every day felt like she was trying to wear someone else’s skin. Nothing fit right.

Kitty noticed Alexandria's discomfort and shot Scott a look that was a mix of exasperation and amusement. “Come on, Scott, don’t scare her off before her first class.”

Scott grinned, stepping back and giving Alexandria some space. “Relax, Kitty, I’m just being welcoming.”

“Yeah, well, maybe ease up on the enthusiasm a little,” Kitty suggested, rolling her eyes before turning back to Alexandria. “Like I said, if you need anything, just let me know.”

“Sure,” Alexandria replied, her voice clipped, but not intentionally. It was just how she spoke—short, to the point, without the usual pleasantries most people added in. She wasn’t used to them, didn’t see the point.

Kitty seemed to understand that and didn’t push for more. “Alright, see you later then.”

As Kitty walked off, Scott led Alexandria into the classroom. The room was filled with lab tables, each equipped with the standard chemistry setup—Bunsen burners, glassware, and various other tools that Alexandria was only vaguely familiar with.

The other students were already seated, some chatting in low voices, others reviewing their notes. Alexandria felt their eyes on her as she followed Scott to a table near the back. She hated the scrutiny, but she was getting used to it. It seemed like everyone here was curious about the new girl.

“Here we are,” Scott said, pulling out a stool for her. “Hank’s a cool guy. You’ll be fine.”

She nodded stiffly, taking the seat and glancing around the room. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She didn’t have any notes, didn’t even have a pencil. The realization made her stomach twist again, but she forced herself to keep her expression neutral. No one needed to know how out of place she felt.

Scott noticed her empty hands and frowned. “You didn’t bring anything?”

She shook her head. “I wasn’t given any supplies.”

Scott frowned, glancing at his own neatly organized notes and pens. “Don’t worry, I’ve got extras. Here.” He handed her a pen and a blank notebook.

She took them, feeling a mix of relief and frustration. She hated relying on others for anything, but she didn’t have much of a choice right now. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Scott said, leaning back in his seat just as the classroom door swung open.

Hank McCoy, or Mr. McCoy as everyone here seemed to call him, strode in with a calm and confident air. “Good morning, everyone,” Hank began, his voice reassuring. “I hope you all had a restful night and are ready to dive into the wonders of chemistry.”

The class responded with a mix of murmurs and nods. Hank’s gaze swept over the room, landing on Alexandria for a brief moment before he gave her a small, welcoming nod. She returned it with a curt one of her own, not sure how else to respond.

“We have a new student joining us today,” Hank continued, gesturing towards Alexandria. “This is Alexandria Sokolova. Let’s make her feel welcome.”

There were a few more murmurs, but nothing too intrusive. Most of the students just gave her a brief glance before turning back to their own work. That was fine with her. She didn’t need or want their attention.

Hank moved on quickly, diving into the day’s lesson. He explained the concept of chemical bonding with a level of detail and enthusiasm that would’ve been impressive if Alexandria had any clue what he was talking about.

As it was, she found herself lost within the first five minutes, the terms and equations swirling in her head like a foreign language. She tried to keep up, scribbling down notes as best she could, but it felt hopeless. She’d never had formal schooling like this. Everything she knew was learned in HYDRA’s training facilities, and none of it involved covalent bonds or molecular structures.

Scott noticed her struggle and leaned over, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb the class. “Don’t stress about it. Hank’s really good about explaining things if you need help.”

She gritted her teeth, hating that she needed help in the first place. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Hey, no pressure. Just letting you know you’ve got options,” Scott said, his tone light and nonchalant.

The rest of the class went by in a blur. Alexandria spent most of it trying to make sense of what Hank was saying, but it was like trying to catch water with a sieve. By the time the bell rang, signaling the end of the period, she was exhausted. Mentally, at least.

As the students began packing up, Hank approached her table. “Alexandria, how did you find the lesson?”

She hesitated, not wanting to admit how much she hadn’t understood. But lying didn’t seem like a good option either. “It was... a lot to take in.”

Hank nodded, his expression kind. “That’s perfectly understandable. You’re adjusting to a lot of new things. If you ever need extra help, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m here to make sure you succeed.”

She nodded, though she didn’t quite believe him. Success wasn’t something she was used to, and she doubted it would come easy here.

“Thank you,” she said, the words feeling foreign on her tongue.

“You’re welcome,” Hank replied with a warm smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She nodded again, then quickly gathered her things and followed Scott out of the classroom. They walked in silence for a bit, and she was grateful that Scott didn’t try to fill it with more idle chatter. She needed a moment to collect herself.

Finally, Scott spoke up. “Next up is math. It’s with Ms. Frost.”

Hank she had met when she’d first got here, but this Frost woman she hadn’t heard of yet.

"Who’s Ms. Frost?" Alexandria asked as she and Scott walked down the hallway toward the next classroom. Her tone was flat, but there was a hint of curiosity behind it. After the chaos of the last class, she wanted to know what she was walking into this time.

Scott glanced at her sideways. "Emma Frost. She’s… well, she’s different. She teaches math, but she’s also a telepath, one of the most powerful ones here. She doesn’t exactly have a soft touch."

"Great," Alexandria muttered under her breath. A telepath. Just what she needed.

Scott caught the tone in her voice and tried to reassure her. "Don’t worry. She’s tough, but she’s fair. If you put in the effort, she’ll respect that."

Alexandria wasn’t sure if she cared about earning anyone’s respect, especially not from a teacher who could read her mind. The idea of someone poking around in her head made her uneasy, but she wasn’t about to show that to Scott.

When they reached the classroom, Scott pushed open the door, revealing a sleek, modern room with large windows letting in plenty of light. The walls were lined with bookshelves, and at the front was a large whiteboard filled with complex equations.

The students were already seated, and Alexandria noticed immediately how different the atmosphere was from the last class. There was a tension here, an unspoken understanding that you didn’t mess around in Ms. Frost’s class.

Emma Frost stood at the front, her presence commanding without needing to say a word. She was tall, blonde, and dressed impeccably in a white suit that looked like it cost more than Alexandria’s entire wardrobe. Her expression was cool, almost indifferent, but her eyes were sharp, taking in everything with a single glance.

Scott led Alexandria to a seat near the middle of the room. As she sat down, she couldn’t help but feel like she was under a microscope. Emma’s gaze flicked toward her, and for a moment, Alexandria wondered if the woman was already inside her head.

“Class,” Emma’s voice was smooth, cutting through the quiet murmur of the students, “we have a new student joining us today. Alexandria Sokolova.” She said the name as if she were tasting it, evaluating it. “I expect you all to help her catch up, though I’m sure she won’t need much assistance.”

The way she said it, it was hard to tell if it was a compliment or a challenge. Alexandria kept her face impassive, refusing to give anything away.

“Open your textbooks to page 157,” Emma continued without missing a beat. “Today we’ll be covering logarithmic functions. For those of you who found last week’s lesson difficult, I suggest you pay close attention.”

As Emma began the lesson, Alexandria tried to follow along, but the pace was relentless. It was clear that Emma Frost didn’t waste time with handholding. She expected everyone to keep up, and if you couldn’t, that was your problem. The students around her were focused, scribbling down notes with a speed that made Alexandria feel like she was moving in slow motion.

She gripped her pen tightly, trying to force herself to understand the equations on the board. Numbers and symbols blurred together, and she could feel frustration building in her chest. The last thing she wanted was to fall behind, to look weak, but the material was completely foreign to her.

Scott glanced over at her again, noticing the tension in her posture. “If you need help, just ask,” he whispered, his voice low so Emma wouldn’t hear.

“I’m fine,” Alexandria replied through gritted teeth, her pride refusing to let her admit how much she was struggling.

Emma paused in her lecture and turned her icy blue eyes directly on Alexandria. “Miss Sokolova, since you’re new, why don’t you come up to the board and solve this equation?”

Alexandria felt her heart skip a beat. She wasn’t prepared for this, but there was no way out. Standing up, she walked to the front of the room, feeling the weight of everyone’s eyes on her. She stared at the equation Emma had written on the board, trying to make sense of it, but it was like looking at a foreign language.

After a long moment of silence, Emma spoke again, her tone calm but with an edge to it. “Take your time, Miss Sokolova. We’re all waiting.”

The pressure was suffocating, but Alexandria refused to back down. She raised the marker to the board and began to work through the problem, her mind racing to piece together the bits of information she understood. The room was so quiet she could hear her own heartbeat, and she knew that every mistake she made was being scrutinized.

Finally, she stepped back, unsure if what she had done was correct but unwilling to admit defeat.

Emma studied the board for a moment, then turned to face Alexandria. “Not quite,” she said, her voice sharp enough to cut. “You’ve missed a crucial step here. Let me show you.”

With a few swift strokes, Emma corrected the equation, explaining where Alexandria had gone wrong. The explanation was clear, precise, but there was no warmth in her tone, no encouragement.

“Understand?” Emma asked, fixing her gaze on Alexandria.

“Yes,” Alexandria replied, though she wasn’t entirely sure she did. It was more of a reflex, a refusal to show any more weakness than she already had.

“Good,” Emma said, her expression neutral. “You may sit down.”

As Alexandria walked back to her seat, she could feel the eyes of her classmates on her, judging her performance. She hated the feeling, but there was nothing she could do about it. She just had to get through this class, through the day, and keep her head above water.

The rest of the lesson passed in a blur, with Emma moving quickly through the material, barely giving anyone time to breathe. By the time the bell rang, signaling the end of the period, Alexandria felt like she had been through a battle.

Scott waited for her as she gathered her things, his expression sympathetic. “That was tough. But hey, you didn’t completely bomb it.”

“Thanks,” she muttered, not sure if she believed him. She knew she had messed up, and she hated how it made her feel. But at the same time, is it really her fault? She’s never done any of this in her entire life. Never done math, or science, the only learning she did was learning 10 different languages.

“Next up is English,” Scott said, trying to keep the mood light. “Storm teaches it.”

Alexandria furrowed her brow at the mention of English class. "English? You need a class to learn about the language we're already speaking?"

Scott chuckled, shaking his head. "Not quite. It’s more about literature, reading, writing—stuff like that. Storm—well, Ms. Munroe—teaches it. She’s cool. A lot more relaxed than Frost, for sure.”

She nodded, though the concept still seemed odd to her. In HYDRA, language classes meant learning multiple foreign tongues for intelligence purposes, not sitting in a room discussing stories or essays. But then again, everything here was different. She’d just have to adapt.

Scott led her down the hallway, and soon they were standing in front of the English classroom. The door was propped open, and the room inside was much less intimidating than the previous one. Natural light streamed in through large windows, and the walls were lined with bookshelves filled with various novels and texts. The atmosphere was warm and inviting, a stark contrast to the cold, clinical feel of Emma Frost’s classroom.

Ororo was already at her desk, her silver-white hair cascading down her shoulders. She exuded a calm presence that immediately put Alexandria at ease, at least compared to what she’d just experienced.

“Good morning, Scott. Alexandria,” Storm greeted them with a gentle smile as they walked in. She had a way of making everyone feel seen, like they mattered, even if they were just two of many students.

“Morning, Ms. Munroe,” Scott replied with a nod, heading to a seat near the middle of the room.

Alexandria hesitated for a moment before following him. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but at least this room didn’t make her want to turn and bolt in the opposite direction. She took a seat next to Scott, placing her borrowed notebook and pen on the desk in front of her.

Ororo stood up and walked to the front of the class, her movements graceful and deliberate. “Today, we’ll continue our discussion on ‘To Kill a Mockingbird.’ For those who are new or need a refresher,” she glanced at Alexandria, her smile kind but not patronizing, “we’re exploring themes of morality, justice, and prejudice through the lens of this classic novel.”

The title was familiar, though only in passing. Alexandria had never had the chance to read it—HYDRA had no use for novels in their training regimens. She sat stiffly in her seat, trying not to let her unease show. The other students began pulling out their copies of the book, and she felt another pang of anxiety. She didn’t have the book, and even if she did, she doubted she’d understand what was going on.

Ororo seemed to sense her discomfort. “Alexandria, would you like to borrow a copy? I have an extra one right here.” She held up a well-worn copy of the novel.

Alexandria hesitated before nodding. “Yes, please.”

Ororo handed her the book, her expression calm and understanding. “Take your time with it. We’re here to discuss and explore, not to rush through anything.”

Alexandria nodded again, grateful for the teacher’s measured approach. As the class began discussing the novel, she opened the book to the marked chapter and tried to follow along. It wasn’t easy—there were a lot of references and concepts she didn’t fully grasp—but the discussion was lively and engaging, with students sharing their thoughts and interpretations.

Ororo encouraged everyone to speak, even if their opinions differed. It was a strange concept to Alexandria, who was used to a rigid hierarchy where differing opinions were seen as dissent. Here, though, it was almost expected. She remained silent for most of the class, taking in the way others interacted, the way they expressed themselves without fear of reprimand.

About halfway through the period, Ororo posed a question to the class. “How do you think the events in the novel reflect the moral dilemmas we face in our own lives? Are there parallels between the story and the challenges we encounter today?”

The students began discussing, some drawing connections between the novel’s themes and issues of justice or prejudice in modern society. Alexandria listened intently, trying to piece together the context and the relevance of the conversation. It was so different from anything she’d experienced before, where morality was dictated, not debated.

Ororo turned her gaze to Alexandria, not in a way that put her on the spot, but more as an invitation. “Alexandria, do you have any thoughts on this? I’d be interested to hear your perspective.”

Alexandria blinked, caught off guard. She hadn’t expected to be asked to contribute, especially when she felt so out of her depth. But there was no hostility in Ororo’s expression, only genuine curiosity.

“I… don’t really know,” Alexandria began, choosing her words carefully. “I’m still trying to understand the story. The idea of… debating morality like this… it’s new to me.”

Ororo nodded, her expression thoughtful. “That’s okay. It’s a complex topic, and it’s perfectly fine to take your time with it. We’re all here to learn from each other.”

The class continued without any further pressure on Alexandria to participate, and she was grateful for it. As they discussed the novel, she began to see the value in these kinds of conversations, even if they were unfamiliar and a bit uncomfortable for her.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of the class, Ororo gave the students their assignment—a short essay on the moral dilemmas faced by the characters in the novel. Alexandria inwardly groaned at the thought of writing an essay. She wasn’t sure she even knew how to write one, let alone analyze something as nuanced as morality in a fictional story.

As the students began to file out of the classroom, Ororo called out to Alexandria. “Could you stay for a moment, Alexandria? I’d like to have a quick word.”

Scott gave her an encouraging nod before leaving the room, and Alexandria walked up to Ororo’s desk, trying to keep her nerves in check.

“You’re doing well, Alexandria,” Ororo said, her tone warm and reassuring. “I know this is all new to you, but you’re adjusting. I wanted to offer you some additional help if you need it. We can work together after class or during free periods to go over the material. Whatever you need to feel more comfortable.”

Alexandria was silent for a moment, her pride warring with her need for help. She didn’t want to appear weak, didn’t want to rely on anyone, but she knew she was out of her depth. Finally, she gave a small nod. “I… might need that.”

Ororo smiled, a genuine one that reached her eyes. “There’s no shame in asking for help. We all need it from time to time. Just let me know when you’re ready, and we’ll go from there.”

“Thank you,” Alexandria said, her voice quieter than she intended. It felt strange to be treated with such kindness without any ulterior motive. She wasn’t used to it, but she was beginning to see that maybe, just maybe, not everyone was out to use her.

“You’re welcome,” Ororo replied. “Now, don’t worry too much about the essay. Just try your best. We’ll work on it together if you need to.”

Alexandria nodded, feeling a bit lighter as she left the classroom. This day had been overwhelming, but at least she knew there were people here willing to help her navigate it all.

As she stepped into the hallway, she was met with the gruff voice of someone she’d rather not have run into at that moment.

“Looks like you survived Frost’s class.”

Alexandria turned to see Logan leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. His usual scowl was in place, but there was a hint of something else in his expression—maybe concern, though she wasn’t sure he was capable of it.

“Barely,” she replied, her tone flat. “What are you doing here?”

“Just checking in,” he said, though it didn’t sound like something he’d normally do. “How’s it going?”

She narrowed her eyes, suspicious of his sudden interest. “Why do you care?”

Logan shrugged, his expression unreadable. “Don’t, really. But Chuck asked me to keep an eye on you. Make sure you’re not causing trouble.”

Alexandria rolled her eyes. He always seemed to be right in front of her when all she wanted was to be alone. Instead of coming up with a retort to his ‘causing trouble’ quip, she went with something else. “I have to go to my,” she took the folded piece of paper out of her jacket’s pocket, “US History class.”

“Come on then, kid.” Logan pushed himself off the wall and started to walk down the slowly emptying hallway.

Alexandria blinked in response before walking to catch up to Logan. “Kitty already showed me where the class was,” she said.

Logan grunted, glancing at her sideways. “Yeah, well, I’m sure Kitty did. Doesn’t mean I can’t walk you there.”

She looked at her schedule as they walked, noticing the letters next to the class periods where the teacher’s names were. Alexandria looked up from her schedule, her gaze meeting Logan's. "You teach history?"

Logan’s expression didn’t change much. “Yeah, I teach history. Got a problem with that?”

“No,” Alexandria replied, her tone clipped. “Just surprised.”

Logan shrugged. “Most people are. History’s not exactly a popular subject around here.”

As they walked down the hallway, Logan's steps were quick and purposeful, and Alexandria found herself having to match his pace. “You might want to pay attention. History’s not just about dates and events. It’s about understanding what led to those events.”

“Thanks for the tip,” Alexandria said, though her voice was laced with sarcasm.

Logan didn’t seem to notice or care. “Yeah, well, just don’t expect me to go easy on you.”

“I wouldn’t want you to,” Alexandria shot back, her tone challenging. “I’ve had enough of that.”

Logan grunted, glancing at her sideways. “You know, you might actually fit in better around here than you think.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh? How’s that?”

“You’ve got that look,” Logan said. “The one that says you’ve been through some crap and come out the other side. People here have been through their own share of it.”

Alexandria didn’t reply immediately. She’d always prided herself on keeping her emotions in check, but there was something in Logan’s observation that made her pause. “And what makes you think I’m interested in fitting in?”

“Just a hunch,” Logan said with a shrug. “Sometimes it helps to have someone who gets it.”

The hallway ended, and they reached the door to the history classroom. Logan opened it and motioned for Alexandria to go in. “There you go. Don’t get too comfortable. History’s not going to be any easier than the rest of your classes.”

Alexandria stepped inside, glancing around the room. It was less intimidating than Emma Frost’s classroom but still had an air of seriousness to it. Logan followed her in and gestured to a seat near the front.

“Take a seat,” Logan said gruffly. “Class should be starting soon.”

Alexandria sat down, feeling a bit more settled now that she was in a familiar environment. Logan walked to the front of the room and began arranging his notes. The classroom started to fill up with students, their chatter a low hum in the background.

As Logan started the lesson, his gruff demeanor didn’t change. He dived right into the topic, talking about significant historical events with a no-nonsense attitude. Alexandria tried to focus, but her mind kept drifting back to the earlier classes. The pace of everything was overwhelming, and she was still trying to catch up.

“Alright, enough with the small talk,” Logan said abruptly, drawing Alexandria’s attention back to him. “Today we’re starting with the American Revolution. Anyone want to tell me why it was significant?”

A few hands went up, and Logan called on a student to answer. Alexandria found herself struggling to keep up with the discussion. She’d never had to study this kind of history before, and the different context made it even more challenging.

Logan’s eyes flickered toward Alexandria occasionally, as if assessing her. “You’ll need to do your reading,” he said at one point, his voice low enough that only she could hear. “The textbook’s on the shelf in the back. Grab it if you need it.”

“Thanks,” Alexandria said, though her voice was tinged with frustration. She stood and walked to the back of the room, grabbing a textbook and flipping it open to the right section. She tried to immerse herself in the material, but the words seemed to dance around on the page.

She didn’t even know who these people were: George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams- why did they all look the same?

When the bell rang, signaling the end of the period, Alexandria felt a sense of relief. She packed her things and prepared to leave, but Logan stopped her before she could walk out.

“Hey,” he said, his tone a bit softer than usual. “Stick around for a minute.”

Alexandria paused, turning back to him. “What is it?”

Logan leaned against his desk, his expression slightly less gruff. “You’re struggling, and that’s fine. If you need any extra help or if you’ve got questions, just ask. I’m not gonna hold your hand, but I’ll make sure you get what you need.”

She wasn’t quite sure how to respond, so she stuck with a nod before leaving the classroom.

---

After 4 days of school, the weekend came along. Which was great because she was exhausted. Who knew school could be more exhausting than 20-hour torture and experimentation sessions?

A knock came on her door around 11 o’clock on Saturday as she opened it to find Natasha and Wanda outside.

“Want to come on a shopping trip?” Natasha asked, her arms crossed but a small smile on her face.

Wanda looked into Alexandria’s room, “you don’t have many clothes, and it would be good for you to get out.”

Alexandria glanced around her sparse room, taking in the few clothes she had and the bare walls. She knew Wanda was right. She was still adjusting, and her wardrobe was a testament to that. But the thought of going out, especially on a shopping trip with Natasha and Wanda, felt daunting.

But she did like their company more than some of the others she had met.

“I don’t know,” Alexandria said, her voice a mix of uncertainty and irritation. “I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

Natasha’s expression softened a bit, though she still had that usual edge about her. “We won’t be gone all day. Just a few hours. It’ll do you good to take a break.”

Alexandria hesitated, feeling torn between her need to keep up with her studies and the urge to escape her small, confining room. She knew she should take a break, but the thought of facing the outside world, even for a short while, made her uneasy.

Wanda chimed in, her tone gentle but firm. “It’s not just about clothes. It’s a chance to get to know the place better, to get out of your head for a bit.”

Alexandria sighed, feeling a bit overwhelmed. “Alright, fine. I’ll go.”

Natasha and Wanda exchanged a quick look of relief, and Natasha’s small smile widened slightly. “Great. Let’s get going then.”

As they walked out of the mansion and headed towards Natasha’s car, Alexandria couldn’t shake the feeling of apprehension. The streets outside were bustling with activity, a stark contrast to the quiet, controlled environment she was used to. She kept close to Natasha and Wanda, trying to ignore the growing sense of discomfort as they made their way to a nearby shopping district.

The shopping center was filled with people, the noise and activity almost overwhelming. Alexandria’s eyes darted around, trying to take it all in. She felt out of place, like she was on display in a world that was too vibrant and unfamiliar.

But, she felt a small amount of excitement ramping up. Last night, after Jean and Kitty helped her with homework, they showed her a website called Pinterest, and told her to look up whatever she wanted. Clothes, nail designs, outfits, hair styles. It was definitely a weird and new experience, but considering two weeks ago she didn’t know what a computer was, she supposed it wasn’t that weird.

Alexandria pulled out her phone, one Tony had shipping over a few days ago and logged into the account she made with Jean and Kitty’s help before showing a few outfit pictures to Natasha and Wanda.

“That’s a wide variety, kid.” Natasha commented.

“I… wasn’t sure what would look good on me. I’ve never been shopping.”

Wanda and Natasha exchanged a glance, the corners of Wanda's lips twitching into a small, sympathetic smile. "You don’t have to worry about that. We’ll figure it out together," Wanda said, her tone reassuring.

Natasha nodded, her voice steady and matter-of-fact. "The first time can be a bit overwhelming, but it's not as complicated as it seems. Just think of it as trying on different versions of yourself until something feels right."

Alexandria hesitated, feeling a bit awkward admitting her lack of experience. "I just… I don’t want to look stupid. I’ve never had to do this before."

Natasha’s gaze softened slightly, though her expression remained cool. "No one's judging you here. And if anyone does, they’ll have to deal with us," she added, a hint of a smirk playing on her lips.

Wanda chuckled, her laugh light and warm. "And trust me, nobody wants to mess with us."

Alexandria found herself relaxing a little at their words. She was still on edge, but at least she wasn’t alone in this. “Okay,” she said, her voice steadier. “Let’s do this.”

The three of them walked through the mall, navigating the crowded corridors with ease. Natasha led the way, her sharp eyes scanning the stores while Wanda stayed close to Alexandria, offering quiet reassurance when she noticed her discomfort. They eventually entered a large clothing store, racks of clothing and mannequins on display creating a maze-like environment.

Natasha motioned to a section of the store that was filled with casual clothes—jeans, t-shirts, hoodies. "We can start here. Try picking out a few things that catch your eye."

Alexandria looked around, feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of options. She took a deep breath and started walking through the racks, her fingers brushing over the different fabrics. She didn’t know what she was looking for, but she tried to focus on what felt right.

Wanda watched her for a moment before stepping closer, holding up a dark green hoodie with a small design on the front. "What about this? It’s simple but has some character."

Alexandria took the hoodie from Wanda, inspecting it closely. “I like it,” she admitted, surprised at how easily the words came out. She usually kept her thoughts to herself, especially when it came to things like this.

“Good,” Wanda said, her smile widening. “Let’s grab a few more things and head to the fitting rooms.”

Natasha was already holding a couple of items she’d picked out—a pair of black jeans and a gray t-shirt. “Try these too,” she said, handing them over. “You’ll need basics like this.”

Alexandria took the clothes, her arms now full, and followed Natasha and Wanda to the fitting rooms. Once inside, she hesitated for a moment before stepping into one of the small cubicles. She tried on the first outfit, the dark green hoodie and black jeans, and looked at herself in the mirror.

The reflection staring back at her was unfamiliar, but not in a bad way. She looked… normal. Like a regular teenager, not the trained operative HYDRA had molded her into. It was strange but also oddly comforting.

“How’s it going in there?” Natasha called from outside.

Alexandria took one last look at herself before opening the door. “I think I like it,” she said, her tone uncertain.

Wanda’s eyes lit up as she saw the outfit. “It looks great on you, Alexandria. You’ve got a good eye.”

Natasha nodded in agreement. “Solid choice. Comfortable but still stylish.”

Alexandria felt a small flicker of pride at their approval. “Thanks,” she said, her voice a little more confident. “I’ll try the other stuff now.”

She went back into the fitting room and tried on the other outfits they had picked out. Each time she emerged, Wanda and Natasha offered their thoughts, always encouraging but never pushy. By the time they were done, Alexandria had a small pile of clothes she actually liked, a mix of comfortable basics and a few pieces that added a bit of personality to her wardrobe.

As they walked up to the register, Alexandria couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of accomplishment. It wasn’t just about the clothes—it was about finally taking a step towards something that felt like her own choice.

Natasha glanced at the clothes in Alexandria’s arms and raised an eyebrow. “You did good, kid.”

“Yeah,” Alexandria said, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I guess I did.”

After paying for the clothes, they left the store and continued walking through the mall. Alexandria was carrying a few bags, and though the weight of them was light, the significance felt heavy in her mind.

Natasha seemed to notice, her sharp eyes catching everything. “You okay?” she asked, her voice neutral but with an underlying note of concern.

“Yeah,” Alexandria replied, her tone thoughtful. “Just… I don’t know. This feels weird.”

Wanda tilted her head slightly, her expression gentle. “Weird how?”

“Like I’m doing something normal,” Alexandria admitted, her voice quiet. “I’m not used to it.”

Natasha nodded, her face unreadable. “That’s understandable. But you’ve got to start somewhere.”

Wanda reached out and gave Alexandria’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “You’re doing great, Alexandria. Just take it one step at a time.”

Alexandria nodded, not entirely convinced but willing to try. “I will,” she said, her voice firmer than before.

As they continued walking through the mall, something caught Alexandria’s eye- a different store with a black shirt that she found… cute.

After picking out a few things from that store, Alexandria looked over at the card Natasha was using. "Whose card is that?"

Natasha looked over at her, “Tony’s.” She said, with a small smirk.

Alexandria gave a small huff of amusement before taking the card Natasha held out to her. She read over the numbers on the back, committing them to memory, which she knows Natasha approved of based on the smile still on her face.

Before she knew it, they drove back to the school with 7 bags of clothes and shoes for Alexandria.

When Natasha, Wanda, and Alexandria pulled into the driveway of the mansion, Alexandria was struck by a mix of exhaustion and satisfaction. The shopping trip had been a whirlwind, and though she’d felt overwhelmed at times, she was glad she’d gone. It was a small victory in her new, unfamiliar life.

“Thanks for today,” Alexandria said, her tone genuine despite her usual reserve. “It really helped.”

Natasha gave her a small smile. “Glad you think so. Just remember, don’t let it all go to your head.”

Wanda nodded in agreement. “And if you ever need a break or more shopping, just let us know.”

Alexandria nodded, feeling a bit more at ease. “I will. Thanks again.”

As they headed inside with the bags, Natasha and Wanda left her to unpack and relax, promising to catch up with her later. Alexandria made her way to her room, feeling the weight of the day lift as she finally reached her sanctuary.

She started unpacking her new clothes, trying to organize them into her limited closet space. The process felt oddly satisfying, and for the first time in a while, she allowed herself to relax, letting her thoughts drift as she worked.

---

As much as she would’ve loved the weekend to last forever, it didn’t. Because it was once again Monday which meant more classes and more work.

This place definitely seemed worse than HYDRA. At least there she didn’t have to learn about useless things like chemistry, math, history, or English.

One good thing did happen during breakfast, where she begrudgingly sat with Kitty, Scott, Jean, and a few other kids. Her and Jean had happened to walk through the lunch line together when Jean had complemented her outfit.

It was the shirt she liked in the window at the mall, with a cut-out in the shoulders, tucked into jeans, and paired with black combat boots.

She liked compliments, Alexandria realized. But she wasn’t sure she was willing to give any out yet herself.

When she walked into her third period, English, Ororo was already at her desk, chatting with a few students. Alexandria took a seat towards the back, pulling out her notebook and trying to focus on the lecture. The class was discussing ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ again, and while Alexandria had made some progress in understanding the book over the weekend, she still felt out of her depth.

In fact, she never had to read much in English. She usually read in Russian. So, some of the words on paper seemed odd.

The class went by in a blur of discussions about morality and justice, and Alexandria found herself half-listening while trying to jot down notes. It wasn’t until the bell rang that she realized just how tired she was.

During the brief break between classes, she found herself in the cafeteria with Scott, Jean, and Kitty. They were gathered around a table, chatting and laughing about the latest school gossip.

“Hey, Alexandria,” Jean greeted her warmly. “How’s the new wardrobe working out?”

“Good,” Alexandria replied, feeling a bit self-conscious but also pleased by the attention. “Thanks for the compliment on the shirt.”

“You looked great,” Jean said with a smile. “It really suits you.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Scott added. “You’ve got a good sense of style.”

Alexandria shrugged, not used to receiving such positive reinforcement. “I guess. I’m still figuring things out.”

The conversation shifted to other topics, but Alexandria found herself feeling slightly more comfortable in their company. The casual banter was a nice change from the more intense atmosphere of her classes.

When the lunch period ended, she found herself heading to her next class—US History, which Logan taught. She was dreading it a bit, knowing that Logan's gruff demeanor might make the class even more challenging.

As she walked into the classroom, she saw Logan at his desk, already preparing for the lesson. His usual scowl was in place, and he didn’t look particularly thrilled to be there.

“Morning,” Alexandria said as she entered, trying to sound casual.

Logan glanced up from his desk, his eyes briefly meeting hers. “Yeah, morning. Take a seat.”

She sat down in her usual spot, trying to ignore the lingering sense of unease. The class was about to start, and Logan began discussing the American Revolution with his usual no-nonsense attitude.

Alexandria struggled to keep up with the rapid pace of the lecture. The details about the Founding Fathers and the various battles felt overwhelming. It was hard to wrap her head around the significance of it all, especially given her lack of background in this kind of history.

The rest of the class continued with Logan’s usual blunt style, which made it difficult to relax. By the end of the period, Alexandria felt mentally exhausted.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of the class, Alexandria quickly packed up her things and headed out of the room. She wanted to avoid any more interaction with Logan if she could help it. But as she made her way to her next class, she found herself unexpectedly intercepted by Logan.

“Hey,” he said, his tone more subdued than usual. “Stick around for a minute.”

Alexandria glanced at him, her brow furrowing. “What’s up?”

Logan leaned against the wall, his arms crossed. “You seem like you’re struggling. Just wanted to see if you need any help.”

“Here we go again.” Alexandria muttered to herself, her frustration slipping out in her native Russian. She turned back to Logan, her expression a mix of annoyance and wariness.

Logan raised an eyebrow. “You got something to say?”

Alexandria shrugged, trying to hide her irritation. “I just… this isn’t what I’m used to.”

Logan nodded, his expression unreadable. “Yeah, I get it. History's not everyone’s cup of tea. But if you’re struggling, it might help to get a bit of extra help.”

She eyed him warily. “Why do you care?” She feels like she says this every time she sees him.

“Look, I’m not in the business of coddling students,” Logan said, his tone gruff. “But I’m also not in the business of letting them fail if I can do something about it.”

Alexandria shifted uncomfortably, her gaze dropping to the floor. “I just don’t get why it’s so important.”

“It’s important because knowing where you come from helps you figure out where you’re going,” Logan said. “But if you’re not getting it, then let’s see if we can fix that.”

She hesitated, torn between her pride and the reality of her situation. “What would you suggest?”

“Extra help sessions after class,” Logan said bluntly. “I can give you some resources to read up on and go over stuff with you. If you’re willing to put in the effort.”

Alexandria sighed. “Alright, fine. When’s the next session?”

“Tomorrow after school,” Logan replied. “Meet me in my office. I’ll give you some material to work through.”

“Got it,” Alexandria said, though she wasn’t thrilled about it. In fact, she didn’t want to go at all. “Thanks, I guess.”

Logan gave a curt nod. “Don’t mention it. Now, get to your next class.”

Alexandria turned and walked away, feeling a strange mix of relief and frustration. She didn’t really know if she should be grateful or annoyed, but at least she had a plan now. She hoped it would help her catch up, but she couldn’t shake the feeling of unease about the whole situation.

As she walked down the hallway, she saw Scott, Jean, and Kitty waiting near the entrance to their next class. They greeted her with friendly smiles, and she tried to shake off the lingering tension from her conversation with Logan.

“Hey, Alexandria,” Jean said. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just had a talk with Logan,” Alexandria replied, trying to sound casual. “Got some extra help lined up.”

Scott gave her an encouraging smile. “That’s good. Sometimes a little extra help can make a big difference.”

Kitty nodded in agreement. “Yeah, don’t stress too much. We’ve all had subjects that we struggled with at some point.”

Alexandria managed a small smile. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

---

Using Tony’s card, she found an online course on English. Specifically, how to read it.

She thinks that’s where her problems are coming from, she can speak it perfectly fine, but she can’t read it for shit.

Alexandria might’ve not slept at all that night, mostly due to the fact she was doing the online course, and also due to the fact she can’t sleep properly since she sees what everyone’s dreaming about.

But at some point, her luck had to hit an all-time low. There was a saying she heard in HYDRA a few times, “bez truda ne vytashchish’ i rybku iz pruda.” No pain, no gain.

A loud pounding sounded out from her door, jerking her awake. She was hunched over at her desk, the video she swore she was just watching now a quiz to test her learning.

She rubbed a hand down her face, noting the time was 9:02 am.

“Blyat'.” Alexandria cursed. Somehow the time turned from 6:47 am to 9:02 am. Meaning, she slept through her first period chemistry class taught by Hank.

She looked at the dates in her journal that she wrote down to note how long she went without sleeping.

Two weeks and 4 days. Two days away from a record.

The banging resumed as she blearily stood up from her desk to open her door.

She yanked open the door to find Logan standing there, his expression a mix of annoyance and concern. The faint smell of coffee clung to him, suggesting he’d been awake for a while, possibly dealing with his own set of issues.

“Nice of you to join the living,” Logan said, his tone sharp but not entirely unkind.

Alexandria’s face flushed with embarrassment and irritation. “I’m sorry. I lost track of time.”

“Yeah, I figured as much,” Logan said, his eyes scanning her disheveled appearance. “You missed chemistry. It’s not like you to just skip out.”

She shrugged, trying to ignore the sting of his words. “I was working on something else. I didn’t mean to—” She trailed off, her head feeling light. But she was able to brush it off as best as she could to seem normal.

Usually after not sleeping HYDRA would give her some sedatives and put her out for a few days before repeating the process.

Just because she was in a specialized cell doesn’t mean she could sleep. In fact, she suspected that sometimes they toyed with her and shut off the power in her cell so she would see everyone’s dreams.

Those sedatives they gave her were her version of candy. She would have done, and did do anything for those sedatives.

Logan’s expression didn’t soften as he surveyed the scene. “Look, Alexandria, you’ve got to get your act together. Missing classes is not an option, especially when you’re already struggling.”

“I know,” she snapped back, her tone defensive. “I lost track of time. It won’t happen again.”

Logan’s gaze didn’t waver. “It better not. If you’re falling behind, that’s on you. I’m here to help, but I can’t do everything.”

Alexandria bit her lip, trying to quell the irritation bubbling inside her. She knew he had a point, but it didn’t make his bluntness any easier to handle. “What do you want me to do about it? I’ll catch up.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “You’ve got extra help after school, remember? And I’d suggest you use it. I’m not going to baby you through this.”

She glanced at the clock on her desk, noting the time. “Right. I’ll be there. Just—” She stopped herself, unsure how to finish. Her usual responses felt inadequate, almost childish in the face of his gruff demeanor. And it didn’t help that she had to use her hand to cover up a yawn.

Logan seemed to sense her struggle, though his expression remained stern. “You’re not the only one with problems. But the world doesn’t stop spinning because you’re tired or overwhelmed. You need to figure out how to handle it.”

Alexandria nodded, feeling a mix of frustration and acceptance. “I get it. I’ll do better.”

Logan gave a curt nod and turned to leave, but not before casting one last, assessing look over his shoulder. “Make sure you do. I’m not going to keep reminding you.”

He left her room as she looked around. Guess she was going to have to wear the clothes she wore yesterday to make it to Ms. Frost’s class before she’s late.

---

By the time algebra was done and she had got to English with Ororo, she was more exhausted than when she woke up.

She hates even acknowledging that she needs something, let alone something as simple as sleep, but she was going to have to deal with. There were so many people in this mansion, closing her eyes and getting sleep would be impossible. It was like being a radio station with too many inputs.

Alexandria remembers Scott mentioning something about Guinness World Records. She wondered what the record was and if she had possibly beaten it.

English with Storm went by faster than she thought, and before she knew it, it was lunchtime. Jean, Scott, and Kitty were at their usual spots, and Alexandria quickly took her seat, trying to appear as normal as possible despite her exhaustion.

“Hey, Alexandria!” Jean greeted with a smile. “You look like you could use a nap.”

She gave a small smile, “maybe.”

Jean raised an eyebrow but didn’t press. “You should take it easy if you can. You’ve been running on fumes.”

Kitty nodded in agreement. “Yeah, no need to push yourself too hard. There’s no shame in taking a break.”

Alexandria shrugged, trying to brush off their concern. “I’ll manage. I’ve got stuff to do after school.”

“Extra help with Logan, right?” Scott asked, looking at her with a mix of sympathy and curiosity.

“Yeah,” Alexandria said, not really wanting to delve into the details. “I’ll be fine.”

They fell into a more casual conversation, discussing weekend plans and upcoming tests. Alexandria found herself drawn into the chatter, her exhaustion momentarily forgotten as she engaged with her friends. For a brief moment, the weight of her responsibilities seemed lighter.

They split up once again, Jean coming with her to their US History class.

Jean and Alexandria walked into their US History class, both of them looking like they had just come from a particularly intense discussion. Alexandria still felt the weight of exhaustion pressing on her shoulders, but she managed a small smile as she took her seat.

Logan was already at his desk, thumbing through a stack of papers. He glanced up as the students settled in, his eyes briefly meeting Alexandria’s. He didn’t say anything, just went back to his papers with that ever-present scowl. The usual tension hung in the air, thick and unspoken.

Jean slid into her seat next to Alexandria, giving her a sympathetic look. “You sure you’re okay? You look like you could fall asleep right here.”

Alexandria shrugged, trying to dismiss the concern. “I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

Jean didn’t look convinced but let it go, turning her attention to Logan as he began his lecture. The topic of the day was the aftermath of the American Revolution, and Logan jumped right into it, his voice gruff and unyielding. He scribbled dates and names on the board, making quick, sharp notes as he spoke.

Alexandria tried to keep up, her mind struggling to focus. The material was dense, and her lack of sleep wasn’t helping. Every time she thought she was catching on, her attention would drift, and she’d have to refocus. It was becoming increasingly difficult to stay engaged.

The class went on, and Alexandria found herself counting down the minutes until the bell rang. When it finally did, she packed up her things and glanced at Jean, who seemed to sense her exhaustion.

“Need any help with the material? I know Logan can be a bit much,” Jean offered.

Alexandria appreciated the gesture but shook her head. “I’ll manage. I’ve got the extra help session after school.”

Jean gave her a concerned look but didn’t press further. “Alright. Just remember to take care of yourself, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alexandria said, giving her a half-hearted smile. “I’ll be fine.”

After history, which was as hard as before, she headed to her last class of the day before meeting Logan. The hours dragged on, and by the time the final bell rang, Alexandria felt like she was running on empty.

She made her way to Logan’s office, her steps heavy with fatigue. When she arrived, she found Logan sitting behind his desk, his eyes focused on a pile of papers.

“On time,” Logan said without looking up. “Guess you’re not completely useless.”

Alexandria rolled her eyes but kept her tone even. “I’m here. What do you need me to do?”

Logan finally looked up, his expression as stern as ever. “We’re going to go over some of the material you missed. I’ve got a few readings for you to go through and some questions to answer. We’ll start with that and see where you’re at.”

He handed her a stack of papers, and Alexandria took them with a nod. “Alright. Let’s get this over with.”

Logan raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment further. He pulled out a chair and started going over the material with her, his explanations blunt and to the point. Alexandria struggled to keep up, her exhaustion making it hard to focus. But she tried her best, determined not to let her fatigue get in the way of her progress.

As the session went on, Logan’s tone remained gruff, but there was a noticeable shift in his demeanor. He was less harsh than usual, focusing more on helping her understand the material rather than just berating her for not knowing it.

After an hour, Alexandria looked up from her notes, her eyes tired but determined. “I think I’m starting to get it. This stuff is just… a lot.”

Logan nodded, giving her a brief, approving look. “Yeah, it is. But you’re getting there. Just keep working at it.”

Alexandria nodded, feeling a small sense of accomplishment. “Thanks for the help.”

Logan gave a curt nod. “Don’t mention it. Just make sure you don’t fall behind again.”

As she packed up her things and headed for the door, Alexandria couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. The extra help session had been tough, but it had also been a step in the right direction. She was starting to understand the material better, and that gave her a glimmer of hope.

---

A week later

Alexandria learned a way to study better. Since she wasn’t good at reading in English, she found videos online, thanks to Scott’s suggestion, of Russian people talking about algebra, chemistry, and even US History which was surprising.

She still hadn’t gotten any sleep, which meant she passed her previous record and was at 3 weeks and 4 days of no sleep.

But Scott put her onto coffee. Or rather, she tried plain black coffee and didn’t like it, but Kitty and Jean suggested iced coffee which she enjoyed. Her favorite so far was an iced white chocolate mocha. The other thing Scott showed her was energy drinks.

So, thanks to the two new things she discovered, she hasn’t felt tired in days.

She even got a compliment from Ms. Frost about her algebra homework, saying that she did good. It wasn’t a lot, but it meant the world to Alexandria, which was a new feeling.

Alexandria was currently reading a Russian version of the book ‘Brave New World’, which she bought using Tony’s card.

She’s sure he won’t mind, hell, he’s Tony Stark, he’ll probably never notice.

Earlier tonight, Kitty, Jean, and Jubilee came over to her room to help her with some math for chemistry, and they put her onto a few musical artists.

So, at 3:45 am, she had her headphones on listening to a Taylor Swift song, humming along while doing a paper for Ororo’s English class, and drinking a pink can of Monster.

Logan, on the other hand, had noticed that Alexandria hadn’t come out late at night for her nightly smoke breaks for the past week. And while there was a small part of him that was glad she wasn’t smoking, she was eighteen after all, he couldn’t help but be curious as to how she had caught up in all of her subjects.

Even Emma had made a small comment about how she was impressed how Alexandria seemed to have learned all the material she’d taught and more. She had only come by once for after hours and seemed to be doing fine in all of her work in his class as well.

Curiosity getting the better of him, he walked down the quiet hallways to her room, a warm light shining underneath the door.

He knocked lightly and got no response. Logan pushed the door open a crack, peering into Alexandria's dimly lit room. The soft glow of a desk lamp illuminated her focused face, framed by large headphones.

She was hunched over a spiral notebook, her pen scribbling furiously as a faint melody played through her headphones. The energy drink on her desk was half-empty, a pink can with a flashy design that contrasted sharply with the starkness of her surroundings.

Logan sighed softly, his curiosity overcoming his usual gruffness. He knocked again, a bit louder this time. "Alexandria."

She barely flinched, her concentration unwavering. Logan knocked harder, the sound finally penetrating the bubble of her focus. Alexandria looked up, pulling one headphone off her ear and squinting at the doorway. Her expression shifted from confusion to mild irritation.

"What?" she said, her voice tired but sharp.

Logan leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. "What are you still doing up? It's three-forty-five in the morning."

She sighed and took off her other headphone, rubbing her eyes. "Working on some assignments.”

Logan’s gaze flicked to the energy drink and then back to Alexandria. "I thought you were supposed to be resting. You haven’t been out for your usual smoke breaks lately."

Alexandria shrugged, a gesture that seemed half-embarrassed, half-defiant. "I don’t need them anymore."

Logan raised an eyebrow, more intrigued than he cared to admit. "And why's that? You’ve been pushing yourself pretty hard. What's with all the late-night studying?"

"It's not just studying. I’ve got a lot to catch up on," she said, her tone defensive. "And the coffee and energy drinks help. I’m getting through it."

Logan’s expression softened slightly, though he tried to keep it hidden behind his usual scowl. "You've been doing well in class, I’ve noticed. Emma mentioned you’ve been on top of the material. Still, burning the candle at both ends isn't sustainable."

Her brows furrowed, that wasn’t a phrase she had heard before. “What does that mean? Is that a…” she grabbed a different notebook on her desk, flipping through the pages, “an idiom?”

“Hell, if I know kid, it’s just a saying.”

Logan's eyes narrowed slightly as he watched Alexandria flip through her notebook. He could see the strain in her posture, the exhaustion she was trying to mask with her intensity. He wasn’t exactly the nurturing type, but seeing her push herself so hard without any apparent concern for her well-being did stir something in him.

“You know,” he said, shifting his weight, “there’s a limit to how much caffeine and energy drinks can do. Your body needs more than just stimulants to keep going.”

Alexandria gave him a skeptical look, her fingers tapping impatiently on the edge of her desk. “I’m fine. I’ve managed this far. Why are you so interested, anyway?”

Logan shrugged, trying to keep his tone nonchalant. “Just curious. You’re doing better in class, but I’m not about to ignore you turning into a caffeine-fueled night owl. It’s my job to make sure you’re not just learning the material but also taking care of yourself.”

“Right,” Alexandria said, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “Because you’re such a model of self-care.”

Logan smirked. “Don’t mistake me for a role model. I’ve got my own issues. But if I can get you to not collapse from overwork, maybe I’ll sleep a little easier.”

Alexandria sighed, leaning back in her chair. “I’m just trying to catch up. I know it’s not healthy, but I don’t have a choice right now.”

Logan tilted his head, studying her. “Look, kid, you can push yourself to the brink, but at some point, your body’s gonna say enough. You might be able to keep going for a while, but eventually, it’ll catch up with you.”

She rubbed her face, clearly fatigued but trying to stay alert. “I can’t sleep.” She finally admitted.

He snorted, “well, that’s obvious.”

Alexandria didn’t want to add on and tell him it was because of her powers. So, she let him think that it was just pure determination to do better.

Though that sounded fucking stupid. She wasn’t some do-gooder like Captain America. Wasn’t always trying to get everyone to smile. In fact, she wanted to punch his perfect face and teeth to make him look at least a little messed up.

Logan’s gaze lingered on her, his expression a mix of skepticism and concern. “Listen, Alexandria,” he said gruffly, “if you’re not gonna listen to me, at least listen to your own body. You’re pushing yourself too hard, and it’s gonna catch up with you sooner or later.”

“Yeah, well,” Alexandria said, trying to muster a nonchalant shrug despite her exhaustion, “I don’t exactly have a choice. I need to get this stuff done. It’s not like anyone’s gonna wait for me to catch up.”

Logan’s eyes softened a fraction, though he quickly masked it with his usual gruff demeanor. “I get it. But that doesn’t mean you should drive yourself into the ground. You might think you’re managing, but one day, you’re gonna crash.”

Alexandria looked down at her notebook, a frown tugging at her lips. “I know. I just… I don’t really know how to stop.”

“Maybe you don’t need to stop entirely,” Logan said, crossing his arms. “But you should at least try to find some balance. Even if it’s just a few hours of sleep a night. You’re not a machine.”

She sighed, her frustration evident. “It’s not that simple. I can’t just shut it off. And it’s not like I have anyone to help me with this.”

Logan rubbed the back of his neck, his expression thoughtful. “Look, I’m not saying you have to figure this out alone. If you need help, you can ask. But maybe start by taking a break now and then. Just to recharge, even if it’s for a short while.”

“I’ll think about it,” Alexandria said, though she didn’t sound entirely convinced. “But for now, I’ve got a lot to get through.”

Logan nodded, his gaze lingering on her for a moment before he turned to leave. “Alright. But don’t ignore what I said. It’s not just about doing well in class. It’s about keeping yourself in one piece.”

Alexandria watched him go, feeling a mix of relief and irritation. She knew he had a point, but she wasn’t ready to fully acknowledge it yet. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearly four in the morning.

With a sigh, she turned her attention back to her work, though Logan’s words echoed in her mind. Maybe she was pushing herself too hard. Maybe it was time to reconsider her approach, even if just a little.

The next day, Alexandria found herself in the cafeteria with Jean, Scott, and Kitty again. Her fatigue was still there, but she was trying to keep up appearances.

“Hey, Alexandria,” Kitty greeted her, her usual enthusiasm tempered with concern. “How’s the studying going?”

“It’s going,” Alexandria replied, taking a sip of her iced white chocolate mocha. “Just trying to keep up.”

Jean gave her a sympathetic look. “You’re still looking pretty tired. Maybe you should consider taking a break.”

“Not really an option right now,” Alexandria said, trying to keep the conversation light. “But thanks for the concern.”

Scott and Kitty exchanged glances but didn’t push further. Instead, the conversation shifted to weekend plans and upcoming events. Alexandria tried to engage, but her mind kept drifting back to her work and Logan’s words.

After lunch, she had a few more classes, and by the time the day ended, she was ready to collapse. But she had promised herself she’d make progress, so she headed back to her room, determined to keep going.

“Sashulya.” A voice sang from behind her. It was a nickname buried deep within her memories. She remembers her mother calling her that, a nickname only she was supposed to say.

“Sashulya, come.” The voice came from a woman wearing a large coat of sorts, draping over onto the hardwood floor.

Alexandria followed, holding her folders to her chest. “Mama has something for you.” She followed the woman to the front doors of the school. The hooded figure turned around, but she couldn’t see her face. It was black, maybe a shadow from the hood.

“Mama is that you? They killed you.” Alexandria finally spoke. It felt almost freeing to speak in Russian again.

The hooded figure opened the door to the school, the sun was setting, casting a pastel glow around them. “Sashulya, everything will be fine. Come with me.”

Alexandra smiled softly at the figure and stepped closer. As soon as she did the figure changed.

“Your mommy is dead, child. Don’t cry. We will take care of you.” The HYDRA scientist, the first one she ever saw appeared in front of her, holding that large needle she hated with a passion.

She suddenly felt cold, “Where is she? Where are they?”

“Dead. Now let's go. The more you resist, the more it hurts, Alexandria.” The scientist tilted her head, “They'll give you a sedative. Makes my job a lot easier.”

Alexandria felt a sting at the back of her head, but it reality it came from her falling down onto the cement, rain pouring heavily around her. “Tili tili bom. zakroy glaza seychas. Kto-to khodit vozle doma. I stuchit v dver'. Tili tili bom.” She felt someone brush hair off her forehead,“nochnyye ptitsy shchebechut. On vnutri doma. V gosti k tem, kto ne mozhet usnut'. On khodit. On priblizhayetsya... blizhe.”

The lullaby brought up old memories, it was the lullaby her mom used to sing to her, because even when she was 3 years old, she had trouble sleeping. That song always seemed to lure her to sleep.

Even though the rain was pouring down around the school, Alexandria fell asleep easily.

The rain, the memory of her mother’s lullaby, and the figure of the HYDRA scientist blurred into a surreal mix that dragged her deeper into unconsciousness.

She hadn’t felt this kind of exhaustion in a long time.

---

Logan found her hours later. The rain had soaked her through, her hair plastered to her face, and her clothes clinging to her frame. She was shivering, her lips slightly parted as she mumbled something incoherent, still half-caught in whatever nightmare had gripped her.

"Kid," Logan growled as he crouched down beside her. He gave her shoulder a rough shake. "Wake up."

Alexandria didn’t respond. Her eyes twitched under her closed lids, and she muttered something in Russian. Logan’s brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of the words, but they were too garbled, too distant.

"Damn it," Logan muttered under his breath. He scooped her up with surprising gentleness, cradling her limp form against his chest. "What the hell are you doin' to yourself, kid?"

Her head lolled against his shoulder, and Logan felt a strange pang of concern. It wasn’t like him to worry about anyone, especially a kid like her, but there was something about the way she’d been pushing herself that gnawed at him.

He carried her back to the mansion, the rain still pouring down around them. By the time he reached the front doors, he was drenched too, but he hardly noticed. His focus was on Alexandria and the way her breath hitched every now and then, like she was stuck in the throes of a bad dream.

"Hank," Logan barked as he pushed through the front doors. "I need ya!"

The sound of Logan’s gruff voice echoed through the halls of the mansion, alerting anyone within earshot that something serious was going down. He didn’t waste time waiting for a response, striding purposefully down the corridor, Alexandria’s limp form cradled in his arms.

Hank appeared in the doorway to his lab, he took one look at Logan and the girl he was carrying and immediately shifted into action mode.

"What happened?" Hank asked, his voice calm but tinged with concern as he stepped aside to let Logan in.

Logan grunted, his face etched with frustration. "Found her outside, unconscious in the rain. She's been pushing herself way too hard. Barely slept in weeks, if at all."

Hank's brow furrowed as he quickly cleared a space on one of the examination tables. "Lay her down here."

Logan carefully placed Alexandria on the table, her soaked clothes clinging to her body. Her skin was pale, her breathing shallow and irregular. Hank immediately started checking her vitals, his fingers moving swiftly and expertly as he assessed her condition.

"Her heart rate is elevated," Hank murmured, more to himself than to Logan. "She's dehydrated, and her temperature is dropping. How long has she been like this?"

Logan crossed his arms, watching Hank work with a tense expression. "She's been running on fumes for at least three weeks, maybe more. I told her to take it easy, but you know how stubborn she is."

Hank nodded, not taking his eyes off Alexandria. "I see. We'll need to get her warmed up and stabilized first. Then we can address the underlying issue." He glanced at Logan, his blue eyes sharp. "She's been pushing herself to stay awake, hasn't she?"

"Yeah," Logan replied, his voice laced with frustration. "Said she can’t sleep. Didn’t go into detail, but it’s clear something’s been messin’ with her."

Hank frowned, his mind already racing with possibilities. "If she's been unable to sleep for that long, it could be more than just physical exhaustion. We might be dealing with a psychological or even a neurological issue."

"Get her fixed up, Hank," Logan said, his tone gruff but underlying it was a note of genuine concern. "She needs help, but I’m not the one to give it to her."

Hank nodded, his focus returning to Alexandria as he prepared to administer a sedative to help her body relax. "I'll do what I can, Logan. But if she's been pushing herself to this point, there may be more going on than we realize."

As Hank worked to stabilize Alexandria, her breathing started to even out, and her shivering slowly subsided as her body began to warm up. Logan watched, his expression hardening as he thought about what Alexandria had been through. He wasn’t one to get emotionally involved, but seeing the kid in this state stirred something deep within him—a mix of anger at her stubbornness and a grudging respect for her resilience.

After a few minutes, Hank spoke up, his voice calm but firm. "Logan, we need to figure out what’s causing this. If it’s a neurological issue, it could be dangerous if left untreated."

Logan nodded, his jaw clenched. "Got any ideas?"

Hank hesitated for a moment, then said, "I'll need to consult with Charles. If there’s something more complex going on, like interference with her mind or dreams, he might be able to help. We also might need to reach out to someone with expertise in neurological conditions."

Logan frowned. "You think it's somethin' like that?"

Hank met Logan’s gaze, his expression serious. "It’s possible. If she’s been avoiding sleep because of nightmares or intrusive thoughts, it could be related to her powers—or something else entirely. We need to investigate all possibilities."

Logan didn’t like the sound of that. He knew Alexandria was tough, but if there was something messing with her mind, they needed to handle it carefully. "Alright," he grunted. "Get Charles and do what you gotta do."

Hank nodded, already reaching for his communicator. "I'll get Charles down here. In the meantime, I’ll do what I can to keep her stable."

As Hank sent the message to Charles Xavier, Logan lingered by Alexandria’s side, his usual tough exterior cracking just a bit as he looked down at her. She was a fighter—he could see that—but even the toughest fighters needed help sometimes. He just hoped they could get to the bottom of this before it was too late.

---

Charles arrived within minutes, his expression calm but alert as he wheeled into the lab. "Hank, Logan," he greeted them, his eyes immediately going to Alexandria. "What happened?"

Logan gave a brief rundown of the situation, his voice clipped. "She’s been pushing herself to stay awake, and now she’s out cold. Hank thinks it might be more than just physical exhaustion."

Charles nodded, his expression thoughtful. "I see. If she's been avoiding sleep, it’s possible that her mind is reacting to some form of trauma or external influence. I’ll need to delve into her thoughts to see if I can determine what’s causing this."

Hank stepped back to give Charles room. "I've stabilized her physically, but if there's something affecting her mind, we’ll need to address it quickly."

Charles closed his eyes, reaching out with his telepathic abilities to gently probe Alexandria's mind. He moved carefully, not wanting to cause any further distress. As he delved deeper, he encountered a chaotic swirl of emotions, memories, and fragments of dreams—some of them dark and unsettling.

After a few moments, Charles opened his eyes, his expression grave. "There’s significant mental strain here. She’s been suppressing her ability to rest due to a fear of her own dreams—or rather, the dreams of others. Her telepathic abilities are interfering with her sleep, causing her to experience the dreams of those around her."

Logan’s frown deepened. "So she’s been seein’ other people’s dreams instead of her own?"

"Yes," Charles confirmed. "It’s likely that her powers have become more sensitive, perhaps due to stress or recent trauma. She’s been overwhelmed by the influx of other people's subconscious thoughts, making it impossible for her to rest."

Hank's eyes widened slightly. "If she's been experiencing the dreams of others, that could explain why she's been so desperate to stay awake. It would be incredibly disorienting and exhausting."

Logan ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "So what do we do about it?"

Charles looked at Hank, then back at Logan. "We need to block the telepathic interference so she can get the rest she needs. Hank, I suggest you work on a device that can shield her mind from external influences while she sleeps. In the meantime, I’ll do what I can to calm her mind and help her enter a restful state."

Hank nodded, already formulating a plan in his mind. "I can modify a version of the telepathic inhibitors we’ve used before. It might take some time, but I can create a device that will allow her to sleep without being affected by the dreams of others."

Logan exhaled, relieved that they had a plan. "Alright. Do it."

Charles turned his attention back to Alexandria, his expression softening. "I’ll begin now. Logan, would you mind staying with her? Your presence might help keep her grounded."

Logan hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. I’ll stay."

As Charles began his telepathic work, Logan pulled up a chair beside the table and settled in. He wasn’t the comforting type, but if his presence could help in any way, he’d do it. He owed it to the kid, after all she’d been through.

For the next few hours, Logan watched as Charles and Hank worked tirelessly to help Alexandria. Charles used his telepathic abilities to calm her mind, creating a mental barrier to keep out the intrusive dreams. Meanwhile, Hank tinkered with various devices, modifying and fine-tuning them to ensure they would work as intended.

Finally, as dawn began to break, Hank approached Logan with a small device in hand. "This should do it," he said, holding up what looked like a sleek headband with several intricate components embedded in it. "It’s designed to block out telepathic interference while allowing her to enter a normal sleep cycle."

Logan eyed the device skeptically. "You sure it’ll work?"

Hank nodded confidently. "It’s based on existing technology, but I’ve made some modifications to suit her specific needs. Once we put this on her, she should be able to sleep without being affected by the dreams of others."

Logan sighed, his fatigue starting to catch up with him. "Alright. Let’s give it a shot."

Hank carefully placed the device on Alexandria’s head, adjusting it to fit snugly. Charles, who had been monitoring her mind, nodded in approval. "It’s working. Her mind is starting to settle into a normal sleep pattern."

Logan watched as Alexandria’s breathing evened out, her expression relaxing for the first time in days. She looked peaceful, almost as if she was finally finding the rest she so desperately needed. The tension in the lab seemed to ease slightly with the sight of her calm.

Charles looked over at Logan, his expression softening. "It seems the device is working as intended. Her mind is starting to settle."

Logan nodded, though his eyes remained focused on Alexandria. "Yeah. She looks like she might actually get some real sleep for once."

Hank, busy with the final tweaks to the device, glanced up. "She needed it. The lack of sleep was probably making her hallucinate. It’s a miracle she was still functional."

Charles turned to Logan, a thoughtful look on his face. "You stayed with her the entire time. That’s not like you."

Logan shrugged, his expression a mix of irritation and fatigue. "She’s a kid who’s been through hell. Didn’t want to leave her alone."

Charles nodded, understanding but keeping his comments to himself. "Well, it’s good you were here. Sometimes, people need more than just physical care—they need reassurance."

Logan grunted in response and stood up, stretching his stiff muscles. "Right. Guess I’ll leave you guys to it."

Hank looked up from his equipment. "Logan, you should probably get some rest yourself. You’ve been working hard too."

Logan gave a curt nod. "Yeah, I’ll grab a nap. Let me know if she wakes up or if you need anything."

As he made his way out of the lab, Charles’s voice followed him. "Thank you, Logan."

Logan didn’t turn back, just gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "Whatever."

---

When Alexandria woke up hours later, the first thing she noticed without even opening her eyes was a metal headband around her head.

Immediately she started to panic.

She was back at HYDRA, and they were going to punish her with electroshock. Track her brainwaves while doing it.

Hank noticed her waking up and in a hazy, frantic movement, she grabbed a nearby screwdriver and jabbed it into his shoulder.

Meanwhile, Logan was in his quarters, trying to catch up on some much-needed sleep. He barely managed to drift off when his communicator buzzed. He groaned, rolling over and picking it up.

"Logan," came Hank’s voice, slightly distorted through the device. "Alexandria’s waking up. You might want to come back to the lab." Logan heard a clanking sound coming from Hank’s side. “Now.”

Logan sat up immediately, throwing on a shirt and heading back to the lab. The fatigue from his earlier shift was still heavy on him, but he pushed through, knowing Alexandria’s well-being was more important.

She tried to pull off the headband from her head, but her hands were far too shaky to accomplish that goal. And for some reason, she was freezing. Alexandria was used to the cold, thanks to the HYDRA base being in snowy Russia.

The cold was biting, and her teeth chattered despite the warmth of the room. Her heart raced, the memories of her captivity with HYDRA clouding her mind.

“Hey, easy,” Logan’s voice cut through the fog of her panic. He entered the lab, his expression a mix of irritation and concern. “Put that down. It’s not what you think.”

Alexandria’s eyes darted around, trying to piece together the situation. Her gaze locked onto Logan, and she could barely make out his gruff features. The familiar face was not comforting; it was just another reminder of how out of control everything felt.

Hank, wincing from the screwdriver jab, was already on his feet, his eyes shifting between Alexandria and Logan. “She’s disoriented. We need to calm her down.”

Logan approached slowly, keeping his hands visible. “Kid, listen. You’re not in HYDRA. You’re safe here. That headband is just to help you sleep without those... dreams messing with you.”

Alexandria’s breath came in sharp, shallow gasps. She tried to sit up, but her body felt heavy and uncooperative. “No... not safe... they’re coming for me...”

Logan sighed, his patience wearing thin. “It’s not them. No one’s coming for you. You’re at the mansion. Hank’s here to help.”

Hank took a cautious step forward, his demeanor calm but his voice firm. “Alexandria, I need you to listen to me. You’re in a safe place. The headband is to block out any external telepathic influences. It’s helping you get the rest you need.”

Alexandria’s gaze flicked to Hank, then back to Logan. Her mind was a whirlwind of memories and confusion. “But... I...”

Logan’s tone softened, “I know it’s hard to believe right now, but you gotta trust us. We’re trying to help you. You need to calm down.”

Alexandria’s hands trembled as she struggled to push the headband away, her vision blurring with tears. “I don’t want this... I don’t want their dreams...”

Logan took a deep breath, his frustration giving way to a rare moment of empathy. “I get it. I really do. But this is the only way for you to get some damn rest. You can’t keep going like this.”

The sound of the door opening caught their attention. Charles wheeled in, his expression serene yet serious. “How is she?”

Hank, still nursing his shoulder, looked over. “She’s awake and disoriented. She’s been pushing herself too hard, and now she’s struggling to accept the help we’re offering.”

Charles nodded, approaching Alexandria with a gentle presence. “Alexandria, I need you to focus on me. You’re safe, and we’re here to help you. Can you try to calm down and listen to what we’re saying?”

Alexandria’s eyes met Charles’s, and she could see the sincerity in his gaze. It was hard to ignore, despite the whirlwind of her emotions. Slowly, she began to ease her grip on the headband, though she still trembled.

Charles continued in a soothing tone. “We need to make sure you’re comfortable and can get some restful sleep. This headband is a part of that process. It’s not a punishment or a trap. It’s a tool to help you recover.”

Logan stood by, his arms crossed, watching Alexandria with a mix of annoyance and concern. He was used to dealing with his own issues but seeing her like this stirred something different in him. “Look, you don’t gotta like it. Just try to relax, alright? We’re on your side.”

Alexandria’s breaths began to slow, her mind still foggy but gradually clearing. She hated the headband on her head, hated the fact that she felt like a lab experiment once again being surrounded by and all-white room and medical equipment.

Charles watched her with a soft expression, hoping to convey reassurance despite the sterile environment. "You're doing well, Alexandria. Just focus on calming down. We’re not here to hurt you."

Alexandria’s eyes met his, though her expression remained guarded. "Why... why are you doing this?"

Charles took a moment before answering, his voice calm. "We’re trying to help you. The headband is designed to block out any telepathic interference so you can sleep without being disturbed."

She shook her head slightly, her eyes still darting around the room. “I don’t want to be a burden...”

“You’re not a burden,” Charles said gently. “You’re part of this team, and we want to make sure you’re healthy. If you don’t get proper rest, it’s going to make everything worse.”

“Listen, kid. We don’t do this for fun. You’re here because you needed help. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll start feeling better."

Alexandria looked at Logan, her expression a mix of wariness and frustration. “Why do you even care?”

Logan’s face hardened, though there was a hint of something softer in his eyes. “I don’t do this for everyone. But you’re pushing yourself too hard, and it’s not gonna do you any good.”

Hank, having finished tending to his shoulder, approached the table with a fresh gauze pad. “I need to tend to this wound,” he said, gesturing to his shoulder. “We’ll be here to keep an eye on you while you adjust.”

Alexandria nodded, though her body was still tense. Her teeth chattered uncontrollably, and she was shivering despite the warmth of the room.

“Hey, we need to get you warmed up,” Hank said, moving toward a cabinet to fetch some blankets. “Logan, can you help me with this?”

Logan, who had been standing by with his arms crossed, grunted in response. He moved closer to the examination table, his eyes scanning Alexandria’s shivering form. “You alright, kid?” he asked, his voice gruff but laced with concern.

Alexandria looked up at him, her expression a mix of fear and exhaustion. “I’m cold...”

“We’re gonna fix that,” Logan said, grabbing a blanket from Hank and draping it over Alexandria’s shivering shoulders. “Just try to relax.”

Hank quickly followed suit, adding more blankets to ensure she was adequately covered. “It’s important that we keep you warm while you adjust to the device.”

Alexandria’s gaze flickered between Logan and Hank, her eyes still filled with unease. “How... how long do I have to wear this?” she asked, her voice trembling.

Hank offered a reassuring smile, though it was clear he was still concerned. “Just until we’re sure your mind is calm and stable. It might take a bit for you to get used to it.”

Charles, still monitoring her condition, spoke up gently. “Alexandria, the headband is designed to block out the telepathic interference you’ve been experiencing. It will help you get the sleep you need without being disturbed.”

She nodded in response before looking over at Hank, “can we make it smaller?” she asked quietly. “I… don’t like the headband.”

Hank gave another reassuring smile, “of course. I can have it done by the time you wake up.”

Alexandria nodded, though her eyes remained wary. The blankets were warm and comforting, but she still shivered from the cold that seemed to seep into her bones.

“Try to relax,” Hank said as he finished adjusting the blankets around her. “It’s going to be alright.”

Alexandria’s eyes fluttered shut, her exhaustion winning over her anxiety. Charles gave a final nod of reassurance before stepping back to monitor her condition from a distance.

Logan, having witnessed the entire ordeal, leaned against a counter, his expression a mix of frustration and concern. “You sure this is gonna work?” he muttered, more to himself than to anyone in particular.

Hank glanced over. “It’s our best shot. We’ve got to get her mind settled and give her a break from all this telepathic noise.”

Logan grunted, his patience clearly wearing thin. “Just hope it doesn’t take too long. We’ve all been running on empty lately.”

Charles wheeled closer, his expression serious. “We need to be patient. Alexandria’s been through a lot. The sooner she can rest, the sooner she’ll start to recover.”

Logan sighed and rubbed his face with one hand. “Yeah, yeah. I get it. Just wish she’d stop makin’ things harder on herself.”

---

A few hours later, Alexandria began to stir. The headband was still on her head, but it felt less intrusive now that she was used to it. Her breathing was steadier, and she was no longer shivering.

“Hey, kid,” Logan’s voice broke through her haze as he approached. “How’re you feelin’?”

Alexandria’s eyes opened slowly, meeting his gaze. “Better,” she mumbled, her voice hoarse. “The cold is gone.”

Logan nodded, looking around the lab. “Good. Hank said he’s workin’ on makin’ that headband smaller for you.”

Alexandria gave a slight nod. “Thank you.”

Logan grunted. “Don’t mention it. You were givin’ us a scare. Figured I’d check in.”

She managed a faint smile, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I didn’t mean to be a burden.”

Logan’s expression softened just a bit. “You’re not a burden. Just try to keep it together, alright? We’re all in this mess together.”

“Yeah,” Alexandria said, her voice still weak. “I’ll try.”

Charles, who had been observing quietly, spoke up. “Alexandria, you’ve made great progress. We’ll continue to monitor your condition, but for now, try to get as much rest as you can.”

Alexandria nodded, closing her eyes again. “I’ll do my best.”

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