#this sucker's got a shark's worth of teeth in there | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hausofmamadas · 2 years ago

Note

YOUUUUUU GUYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSS SHES BACK COSITAPRECIOUSA IS FUCKING BASAAAAAAACK AND WITH PAPICHULO CHEPE AND READER CHARACTER SO FUCKING BULLET PROOF AND SELF POSSESSED, ANDALE EN CHINGA!!! LETS GET INTO THIS SHIT

═

a/n : - Yo Élise, where were you all this time? Were you dead?

cue to picture of that dry-ass taxidermy fox seasonal depression my dude

SKSKSKSKSKS SORRY DO YOU MEAN THIS ONE? BC IF SO I AM CRYIIIIINGSJSJS

✷ You had been reselling for him for a few years now, never once coming to a dollar short and definitely raking in the profit. Probably the best card you got in your deck, Santacruz, am I not?

uuuuhhhhhh okay, first off 👏🏽 CAN 👏🏽 WE JUST 👏🏽 with a sassy fucking Reader who knows just what tf she’s worth?????????? because you know how I always love a woman who could step on me wksksks

✷ Greed, envy, lust. It had crawled in your veins fast, venomous, pumping in your blood. Still, just enough to always buy your favorite, to-die-for, 90$ red lipstick every time it ran out, but never enough to get cocky, stupid, reckless.

Oh I love already how the lipstick is becoming like a conduit for like Reader’s criminal spirit??? Like there really is something to be said for putting on a red lip when you’re feel like your need to just fucking armor tf up, and like meeting with some of the most hot dangerous hot international hot drug lords like Chepe def seems like a situation where you’d want to be armored up ssksks

✷ You loved luxury, lived in it, smelled like it, but you always remembered how red your blood was, how easy it could be spilled.

OKAYSKSKSKSKAKSKSKSKJSJS BUT THE USE OF RED THROUGHOUT LIEK I AM REAAAAAALLLY ALREADY LIIIIIVING FOR THE THEME OF THE WHOLE RED LIPSTICK LIKE OKAY, YES WE CAN HAVE A GOOD TIME, ENJOY THE MONEY WE’VE MADE THAT WE’VE WORKED HARD FOR BUT LIKE LET’S NOT FORGET THAT THERES STILL A SOFT GOOEY CENTER HERE no not that kind, get your head out of the gutter …… i imagine that comes later at some point skskskskskkskskskskskkejejsj LIKE IM JUST AS EASILY ANOTHER FUCKIN DEAD INTERMEDIO OUT HERE LIKE SO SMFUCKIN SAVVY. UGH IM JUST, ITS ALREADY COMING TOGETHER

✷ You saw the way the government was knocking more and more doors down, came for the smaller ones before fishing for the big sharks, but all the others didn’t.

SKSKSKS so sorry but what’s that one line Walt has about this exact thing not me scrambling for Netflix to see if I can find the exact line and pretend I just knew it off the top of my head like some kinda savant where he’s like, “yeah, find some dumb underling you can flip till you make your way to the top,” yeah, I know that’s not the line, netflix was being fucky, sometimes we just gotta improvise sksksks but like ONCE AGAIN, the fact that this is something Reader’s even aware of is like just a testament to her savviness and even calculating nature, like I fully believe they are one of the top at this level of the biz bc it’s so clear theyre thinking in like 30 different directions, 10 chess moves ahead skskskssk like lo que quieran llamar, la chingoná está mostrando su pinshe geniooooooooooo

✷ Teeth filled with gold, snorting all types of white powders, guns-a-blazing, cuffed and judged by justice just as fast. There’s a quiet side to riches that those men never understood.

ooiohhhhhhsiajsjsjsjssjsjsjjssjjs okay, wowowowowoowwowoow so a number of fuckint things here sksksks first, the wording of everything here is actual magic. Like the “cuffed and judged by justice just as face” IS SO LYRICAL im fucking mad I didnt write it. Legitimately. Mad. But then. THEN. YOU HAD THE NERVE TO TURN AROUND AND SUCKER PUNCH ME WITH “There’s a quiet side to riches that those men never understood.” LIEK SHEEEEEEEIIIIIT DUDE LIKE THIS IS SOME REAL FUCKING CHARACTER WORK RIGHT FUCKING HERE, because it reminds me so much of like the conversation with Pablo and Miguel where again, not me shoving people out of the way to open Netflix to find the line Miguel says something about how if you don’t take control, the world breaks you. Like when I think of him, that’s what comes to mind, whereas with Reader, here, it’s set in opposition to that entirely, totally diff criminal mindset. GODDDDGODGODGOD I LOVE IT

✷ … or maybe it was just the start of the hardest fall of your life.

OH DF THE WAY THIS SNAPPED ME TF TO ATTENTION SO FAST skskskskskksskskjsjj I legitimately just squeaked like a small rodent

✷ Chepe knows all of this, the facade that goes in the character you play. The survival instinct, the street smart. You made it this far didn’t you?

that’s because Chepe k n o w s talent when he sees it and appreciates woman who can run him, lbr. Refer to IsaChepe vid for further evidence

✷ ‘’ Well, I’m more of a bachata dancer myself, but I can make salsa work. ‘’

NOOOOSKSKSKSKSKWBUTOKAY BC I ALSO PREFER BACHATA, BUT I COULD ACTUALLY FUCKING KISS YOU FOR THE FACT THAT YOU PUT IT IN A FIC SKSK LOKE IDK WHY JUST WHEN WE START TALKING LATIN DANCING I WANNA DANCE AND GET ON MY CHAIR AND TAKE MY SHIRT OFF AND WHIP IT AROUND LIKE IT’S MY FUCKING BACHELOR PARTY

✷ You had fucked him once. When his wife had been away, doing whatever she did when she went on those trips of hers. All teeth, handfuls of flesh, bent over the balcony.

SIISISISSIIIIIIWWWWWWWWKKKKKWKWKWKWKWKWKEOZOSOWOWIWIEHUWIW91833848282992:!:!39:&;9@‘naosjejwoow THE SOUND I JUST MAAAAAAAAAADE BC THE WAY I JUST DIDNT SEE BENT OVER THE BALCONY COMINgsjksjssjsjjse like you would think I’ve didn’t know about the birds and the bees sksksksksksksk the reaction I just sskskskss had but LIKE SKSKSKSS I JUST WASNT EXPECTING TO BE BLINDED BY SEXY SO SOON

✷ Maybe it had been more than once. Maybe you didn’t feel so bad because you knew she most likely did the same when she claimed she was going on shopping trips with friends.

PPPPPPPDFFFDDTTTTTT MAYBE?????? MAYBE IT HAD BEEN MORE THAN ONCE SKSKSKSKSKKS SORRY DO WE JUST NOT REEMEMBER PERHAPS BC WE WERE JUST TOO COCKSTRUCK TO EVEN KNOW WHAT DAY IT WAS KEKW OKAY BUT ALSO moment of silence so we can all appreciate the mob wife who refuses to sit at home while her husband is off plowing his sexy asf coworker and decides “actually? You know what??” Who says only your husband’s allowed to dick you down when your married??? Who fuckin says?”

✷ You could see it in his too, how he had always known. If he cared or not was still the missing piece.

DO I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE MAYBE SOME SKSKSKKSKSNS LONGING THEEEEEEEREE like despite the cool-as-a-cucumber exterior, underneath all that is actually maybe a sweet baby angel who likes Chepe for more than just that sweet, sweet, Big Daddy DILF D sksksks like i just feeeeeeeeeeeellllll like this is??????? Maybe????!??! Perhaps?????? Mayhaps????????? A bit telling?????????

✷ Still, his hand is steady, not a bead of sweat on his forehead, his usually heavy coat switched for a striped shirt. Colombiano born and raised. You did tell him stripes looked good on him once.

OOOOOSHSJSSMYGOOODDDDSTTOTOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPP BC IMJUSTSOMFSORRY BUT NO ONE WILL CONVINCE ME THAT CHEPE ISNT THE MOST SENTIMENTAL ASS MF WHEN HE LIKE REAL FORREAL HAS GOT IT BAD like I can 10000000% see Reader just mentioning in passing, not even super sexy or suggestive, just like leaving a meeting or a pick-up or something, and it just like filling him all warm and fuzzy inside and like he’s getting dressed to come pick Reader up here all like, “She did tell me that stripes looked good,” and picking out the one other striped shirt he owns from a pile of like all plaid flannels and plain Ts sksksksks like i just, it’s canon. It’s canon mans dresses for his nena

✷ The ride to civilization had been bumpy, long, and trying your best to understand your driver with the thickest Costeño accent you had ever heard.

ooohhhhhhhh okay, come through College sksksksksksksksskksksks incidentally, the Costeño accent treats the letter “s” like it doesn’t exist as much as the Nica side of my family does and that’s the only reason why I know wtf Costeño is

✷ ‘’ I trust those two with my life. I’ll pick you up at the hotel tomorow ? ‘’ All teeth, handfuls of flesh, bent over the balcony. ‘’ How else am I supposed to empty the mini-bar then? ‘’ Hands gripping your waist, pining you against the shower wall.

I de…………………………..

me: trying to mind my own business, being all literary and shit, thinking about canon-consistency and character themes and costeño accents

you: BODY SLAMMING THROUGH MY GODDAMN WALL FUCKING INCREDIBLE-HULK-STYLE WITH THESE SEXY LITTLE SENTENCE SNACKS AND THEN JUST GETTING UP AND WALKING AWAY LIKE YOU DIDN’T JUST FUCKING DECORATE MY ROOM WITH PLASTER AND DRYWALL

✷ Jetlag is busting your ass, and your concealer is working hard to keep it unnoticed.

oh I really just skksskskskks fucking snorted so loud at this line, my cats both looked concerned skskksskk

✷ Chepe is dressed up for the occasion as always. Chains, gold rings, a nice striped long-sleeved shirt. Maybe you’ll take all of it off tonight. He’s driving this time, one hand on the wheel, the other on your thigh. You’re not sure if you like how familiar the move feels. Domestic. Wrong and right at the same time.

YOU CANNOT CONTINUE TO ASSAULT ME WHILE I’M OVER HERE JUST MINDING MY OWN FUCKING BUSINESS TRYING TO JUST READ AND COMMENT ON THE TOP NOTCH QUALITY OF THE FIC WITH THISDFASDFA;LSJDF;ALSKJDF;ALKJSD AGASSDLKFJS FUCKING THINGS LIKE “ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL, THE OTHER ON YOUR THIGH” OKAY?????OKAY????????? AND THEN FOLLOW IT UP WITH WRONG AND RIGHT AT THE SAME TIIIIIIIIIIIME?????????? YOU JUST ALSDKJFALKSDJFSKJFSK CAN’T

✷ He maneuvers his between two bright red-looking expensive ones. His toothpick rolls on his lips, leaning back against his seat, one hand on the wheel, as he changes gears. He couldn’t care less if he scratched one. Pocket change.

Sorry but this bit is just fucking writing gold, again there’s always a moment when I come across shit that I love so much, I get mad that I didn’t write it and likeweeeeee fucking pocket change. Jesus your mind, like idk why but I really do love this bit so much.

✷ You always appreciated how he could understand those moments, never feeling like he had to fill it with words.

NOOSOSKSKKSKS BC I ALREADY REFERENCED THIS IN ANOTHER REBLOG SKSKSKSKSKS but this reminds me, once again, so much of that line in Pulp Fiction about comfortable silences trips while running to give it a Goog again, even though I just looked it up like a week ago, but again, pretending like I just had it at the ready so you think I’m like sooooooooiiiii cultured and sooiiiiiii cool sksks “why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? That’s when you know you’ve found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.”

✷ He leans toward you and you don’t understand why you feel nervous all of sudden. Anxious. Homesick.

OH WHATTTTTTTT SKSKSKDK THE FUCK IS IT ABOUT THIS particularly the addition of “homesick” at the end????????? Idk why but it just compounds the sense of like nervousness like it really just imbues the whole thing with such a degree of like “I need to flee, get me the fuck out of here” and idk it just– something about this really fucks sksksksks

✷ You don’t believe easily, and you know what happens to the other women who naively listen and nod. You have seen it happen time and time again.

ON?CE AGAIN WE STAN TF OUT OF A SAVVY READER. “You don’t believe easily,” like???????? There’s something about this that is so discerning it’s almost like ??????? Dangerous in a way??????? Like it’s lethally cunning that way this is phrased but you can also tell there’s an element of like, idk even like …. Longing??? Like Reader wishes they could believe, wishes they could be one of those other women who naively listen and nod but there’s too much wisdom under the facade, it’s impossible GODDDDDDDD JUST ASKDFJSKDFJAL THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS TRULY SOME A+, PUT-ME-IN-AN-EARLY-GRAVE MATERIAL HERE

✷ ‘’ I like you a lot, Chepe.‘’ Weirdly enough, in one of the most dangerous countries in the world, in an unknown garage, in a village you have forgotten the name of already, next to him, you feel safe. You don’t feel like you should tiptoe around his feelings, yours for that matter … ‘’ A lot. ‘’ you scoff, you realize.

I think it’s so fucking fascinating that during this moment of vulnerability being honest with Chepe about where she’s at, how that vulnerability and honesty are liek tied up with/equated to control and agency in a way?????? Like there is SO much of Reader’s identity tied into the facade that she has to maintain in her professional life but the facade still isn’t her identity if that makes sense???? God I really am just fucking obsessed with ehr skskksksksksks like this really does seem like one of the few women Chepe would genuinely fucking leave his wife for imoksksjssksksk along with for Isabella ofc kekw BUT THEN ALSOASLDKKSSKKS THE WAY SHE’S LIKE JUST NOW REALIZING HOW BAD SHE HAS IT FOR HIM LIKE AS IF IT’S NEVER REALLY OCCURRED TO HER LIKE SKKSKSKS “OH FUCK, CREO QUE ME GUSTA MUCHISIMO ESE PENDEJO TAL VEZ” LIK GORL SKKSKSSKKSKSKSKS

✷ Y yo a ti, his silence means.

NO BUT FUCKSIGNSKSJDFKS ALSO ALSO ALSO EVERYONE SHUT UP because the entire time I’ve been reading this and marveling at the use of 3rd person omniscient in a way that’s like super poetic. I feel like a lot of times 3rd POV omnisc can sound super clinical, like it’s so easy to fall into a strictly telling-not-showing but the way you have been throwing in these little poetic flourishes like GDODDDDDD THIS REALLY JUST IS SOME FULL FUCKING PROSE MI GENTE

✷ ‘’ Talk to me. Tell me.‘’ The truth, he means, how you really feel about this, ‘’I’ve got all night.‘’

AGAINSAKDFSKDFJS WITH THE POETIC 3RD POV OMNS LIKE THESE LITTLE INTERPRETATIONS OF WHAT EACH OTHER IS SAYING IS REALLY SENDING ME BC LIEK THE WAY IT REALLY ILLUSTRATES THE SENSE OF INTIMACY BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM LIEK I REALLY BELIEVE IT

✷ ‘’ I want it. ‘’ you begin, toes wiggling inside your heel, trying to keep your knee from bouncing, ‘’ When you say you want to introduce me as yours. ‘’

Skskskskskkskskskks the way I fullllllllyyyy fucking snorted so loud at the toes wiggling to keep your knee from bouncing because SWEET FUCKING CHRIST I FELT IT IN MYOWN BODY SKSKKSKSSK LIKE THAT DETAIL, I HAVE BEEN THERE, I HAVE DONE THAT, SKSKKS TRYIGN TO CONTAIN THE NERVOUS ENERGY BUT LIKE YOU CAN’T TOTALLY KEEP IT IN, LIKE FOR EVERY ACTION THERE’S AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION, LIKE THE ENERGY HAS TO GO SOMEWHERE SKSKS GOD IT’S JUST TOO FUCKING REAL

✷ It takes all his being not to surge forward to take your face between his hands. Then let me, let me.

ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN THESE LITTLE INTERNAL MONOLOGUE GLIMPSES OF LIKE WHAT HE’S THINKING. LIEKE HE’S NOT SAYING IT OUT LOUD BUT SHE AND THOSE OF US UNHINGED HUSSIES READING CAN FUCKING FEEEEEEEEELLL HIM SAYING THIS WITH HIS BODY SWEET FUCK DUDE. JUST FUCK.

✷ ‘’ I wouldn’t mind if you did. ‘’ you admit, ‘’ I’d let you. ‘’ You don’t feel weak for telling him like you thought you would. Chepe brings your palm to his mouth, kissing the skin softly.

Oh this is such an interesting turrrrrrrrnnnn here and god, why do I love the “you don’t feel weak for telling him like you thought you would” LIKE WHAT IS IT????? WHY???? I liek cannot articulate what it is about that admission that’s causing me to squeeze my face but like godddddd I am experiencing some FUCKING FEEEEEELINGS ABOUT IT. Like it’s just a really interesting admission especially after earlier Reader thinking about she’s not naive, she’s not sitting at home waiting for Chepe to call and sweep her off her feet but there is a vulnerability and then power in that vulnerability of actually admitting that even if she knows it’s unrealistic, she still would like for it to be a thing and like OHHHHHH!!!!! OH I JUST FIGURED IT OUT!!!!!! THE FUCKING SELF-AWARENESS, LIKE IT’S BEYOND SAVVY. IT’S TOTALLY SELF-AWARE HOLY FUCK THAT’S WHAT IT IS OH I AM LAUGHING SKSKKSKS AT THE WAY I RAMBLED MY WAY THROUGH TO FIGURING THAT OUTSKKSKSS LIKE IN REAL-TIME. WHATEVER I’M NOT DELETING IT

✷ Breathe, smile, shake hands, repeat. Chepe’s hand reaches blindly for you behind him, and you grab it, just like he expects you to do.

OHASHDFAKSJDFKJDFKSJDFKAJ NOOOOSTOTOOTOTOPPPPPPP BUT THE WAY THIS JUST SPEAKS TO THE ROUTINE, HIM ABSENTLY REACHING FOR HER HAND LIKE I CAN SEEEEEEEEEEEEE THE WHOLE GODDAMN THING LIKE I’VE ACTUALLY FILMED IT MYSELF. AND AGAIN WITH THE THREADING OF JUST LIEK TRUST AND INTIMACY BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM, LIKE THIS SUCH A SWEET LITTLE INTIMATE …. WHAT’S THE WORD … NOT GESTURE, BC A GESTURE IS MORE CONSCIOUS….. EXCHANGE??????? I DONTEVENFUCKINGKNOW AKSKSKSKS WHAT I DO KNOW IS I LOVE IT

✷ Blood is pumping in your ears, so loud that it is almost overtaking the music around you. This is exactly where you want to be, precisely what you planned. Inhale with the nose, and exhale through the mouth. It doesn’t come as fast as you would’ve liked, but slowly, air fills up your lungs. It is a weird feeling, really, how after only a few breaths you can feel your body tingle, calm and lightheaded. Revigorated. All part of the facade.

SKSKSKKSKSKSSKSK not me just full copy/pasting this entire ass paragraphs ksdkfskkskskss but I can’t not because like once again, I’m in love with Reader in a way I am rarely in love with a Reader character and like her voice is so distinct it really could be an OC that’s how concrete and well-thought-through she is. But like first off, the pure prose of “blood is pumping in your ears, so loud that it is almost overtaking the music around you,” like okay, literature. I see you sksksksks but then the way Reader almost has to like psych herself up after sort of getting real with Chepe in the parking lot and the car, like I can literally FEEEEEEEEELLLLL the active process of the armor going up as it happens in real time. Like GODDDDDDDDD THERE’S SUCH A SENSE OF COMPARTMENTALIZATION THAT I AM TRULY MARVELING AT, IT’S SUCH A THREAD THROUGH THE WHOLE THING. Like psychologically, shit you not, one of the most interesting Reader characters of all time

✷ Chepe is beaming, all laughs and handshakes, like a true socialite, a fish in water.

OH BUT THE WAY YOU FLIPPED THAT FUCKING IDIOM “A FISH IN WATER” yet another instance of like just a thing being so good, it brings me to despair because I didn’t write it and now I never can

✷ Staying civilized in this jungle is harder than you would have thought.

JUST SUMMORE FUCKING PROSE SKKSKSKS I SWEAR TO CHRIST YOU ARE REALLY ON ONE IN THIS ENTIRE FUCKIGNSKF THING although ngl, given that Reader es que tan chingona al máximo, si alguien puede hacerlo, ella lo puede. Sin duda.

✷ It happens merely minutes after Chepe excuses himself to fill up your drink, the shift in the room … Here they are. The lions.

THE DREADKASKKSKKS THE WAY I CLUTCHED MY CHEST. HERE THEY ARE. THE LIONS. Like my silly fucking mind literally just picturing 3 anthropomorphic lions slowly descending on Reader skskksksks but like they still look like Pacho, Gilberto, and Miguel, like if they were drawn as lion king characters tbh, Pacho would look act and look like Scar just without the scar skskksksksskskk skskskkssk but all Disney tontería aside, this really just changed the entire tone, like put me on edge so much because like that’s exactly how you’d feel in that position if you weren’t regularly riding the hobby horse with one of their lifelong business partners skskskksks so like the fact that Reader is just like skskskksskscompletely compounds the dread.

✷ You see Pacho first, in the corner of your eye. You can tell it is him, from his silk shirt to his waxed brown shoes, from Chepe’s stories, there is no doubt in your mind.

SKSKSKSKSKSSKSK in any fic, Pacho really needs no introduction does he skkks that’s the elite tier that he resides in, in the fandom

✷ Pacho’s smile mirrors your own, like an old friend, a deadly trap. You like him already, you decide, not so different from you, you can tell. Cunning. Smart.

THAT CONTRAST BETWEEN LIKE AN OLD FRIEND AND DEADLY TRAP BUT LIKE THE WAY THOSE TWO SEEMINGLY CONTRADICTORY THINGS CAN TOTALLY BE TRUE AND I CAN ABSOLUTELY SEE IT SO CRYSTAL CLEAR IN MY MIND’S EYE– I AM TRULY JUST SKSKKSKS GAGGGED RIGHT NOW. I NEED TEN THOUSAND MORE WORDS OF THESE TWO INTERACTING PLS.

✷ You don’t know what burns more, his warm fingers pressing gently into your skin or how Pacho’s eyes catch him doing it.

SKSKSJSDFLKSJDFLKSJDKLFJ;AKJSD;LFKJA;LSKJDF;ALKSJDF;ALKJSDF;LAKJSD;FLKJ IMJUSTSOSORRY BUT WE ALL KNOW THE CORRECT ANSWER IS PACHO’S EYES, CATCHING HIM DOING IT, SLAPS HARDER, BURNS MORE KSKSKSKS LIKE I AM CLUTCHING MY FACE, PEEKING THROUGH MY FINGERS SKKS LIKE I’M WATCHING A HORROR MOVIE

✷ You don’t miss how Pacho’s eyes flicker back for a second on Chepe as he leaves. Pacho clears his throat, looking at you over his whiskey, ‘’ So, ‘’ he starts, ‘’ Favorite partner, favorite reina. ‘’

Not two minutes in and Pacho already READING THESE TWO LITTLE PAJARITOS ENAMORADOS SKSKSKKS like it really feels so much sksksksk like an old fashioned duel almost, like such a challenge and reader is lowkey losing already

✷ ‘’ You take care of him good? ‘’ You get it then, why his handshake is so strong, why his eyes are sharp and serious, menacing. Brotherhood.

‘’ I do. ‘’ you stand your ground, hand unmoving, arm strong and chin up, ‘’ As he does to me. ‘’

oh wow ….. wowowowowowowoow I am really just :lebron tear: at brotherhood. Bc like that’s really what it isisiiisiisisisiiskskkskssksksk OH AND I’M FLIPPING MY DESK OVER BC PACHO REALLY IS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR HIS HOMIEST OF HOMIES, LIEK THAT’S HIS CHEPE AND HIS CHEPE MUST BE PROTECTED. Okay but then also???????? I think it’s so fucking brilliant and interesting the way Pacho phrases the question, “you take care of him good?” as like a, “how are you treating my homie,” which however intimidating, is also not the paternalistic way he could’ve phrased it?? Like tf am I even trying to say skskksk I don’t even know… like I feel like if Pacho had phrased it as, “so is he taking care of you,” it would be the more cliche route, sort of like implying that Reader’s some kind of gold digger or taking advantage of Chepe in some way. But it’s NOT phrased that way - it’s very much, “how are you treating him,” and like?????????? god this really is the most rambling of rambles imsorryforeverything there’s just like more implied agency afforded to Reader in just the way the question is phrased and idk why I just feel like that’s actually what Pacho would say?????? I’m sure that’s complete fuckign gibberish but to put it plainly. Yes. JUST YES.

═

MANAAAA, you best be continuing this shit or I will full revolt bc like…

Meeting Chepe in New York and him bring you back to Cali for a party/meeting the rest of the gang 👀

Red lipstick

Chepe Santacruz x female!reader (infidelity/cheating, mention of Y/N, mention of drug use, the usual for the show), 3679 words

a/n : - Yo Élise, where were you all this time? Were you dead?

- *cue to picture of that dry-ass taxidermy fox* seasonal depression my dude

As always it's the fictional, not the real deal, enjoy xx

You can see it as a business meeting, an opportunity for you to go bigger.

That is what Chepe had said to you one day as you met him for your usual drop. Offering you a trip to Colombia, to meet the big ones from overseas, those that completed his inner circle. You had been reselling for him for a few years now, never once coming to a dollar short and definitely ranking in the profit. Probably the best card you got in your deck, Santacruz, am I not?

You never were looking to make it big in this type of business. Selling just enough to be sure to stay afloat, pay your mortgage, feed the people you love, and buy those pieces of jewelry, that a year ago would have been for you a rent’s worth, just because you liked how they shined when you passed the counter display. Greed, envy, lust. It had crawled in your veins fast, venomous, pumping in your blood. Still, just enough to always buy your favorite, to-die-for, 90$ red lipstick every time it ran out, but never enough to get cocky, stupid, reckless.

You loved luxury, lived in it, smelled like it, but you always remembered how red your blood was, how easy it could be spilled. You saw the way the government was knocking more and more doors down, came for the smaller ones before fishing for the big sharks, but all the others didn’t. It’s a war, sweetheart, Chepe had called it, a war on drugs. Teeth filled with gold, snorting all types of white powders, guns-a-blazing, cuffed and judged by justice just as fast. There’s a quiet side to riches that those men never understood. It was what had separated you from the others who had climbed the ranks with you over the years, you had realized. Maybe that’s why you are here today, setting foot down a jet on Colombian soil, or maybe it was just the start of the hardest fall of your life.

As you looked at your shoes, already full of dust, you wondered if there was a time you had ever seen so much dirt on a landing strip before. You don’t have much time to think about it or to worry about the wind pushing your hair or the dirt in your mouth, that Chepe is already in front of you, arms wide open,

‘’ Bienvenido en la capital mundial de la salsa, sweetheart. ‘’

Your smile is bright, pulling at your cheeks, lips painted red, welcoming. A deadly trap. Chepe knows all of this, the facade that goes in the character you play. The survival instinct, the street smart. You made it this far didn’t you?

‘’ Well, I’m more of a bachata dancer myself, but I can make salsa work. ‘’

You had fucked him once. When his wife had been away, doing whatever she did when she went on those trips of hers. All teeth, handfuls of flesh, bent over the balcony. Maybe it had been more than once. Maybe you didn’t feel so bad because you knew she most likely did the same when she claimed she was going on shopping trips with friends. You could always tell with those women for some reason, you could see it in their eyes, it wasn’t hard to miss. You could see it in his too, how he had always known. If he cared or not was still the missing piece.

You take his extended hand to jump off the last step. The heat is heavy, weirdly humid, and dry at the same time. Still, his hand is steady, not a bead of sweat on his forehead, his usually heavy coat switched for a striped shirt. Colombiano born and raised. You did tell him stripes looked good on him once.

This is it, you thought, no turning back, the top of the ladder. The top of the food chain. You just have to shake hands and smile.

The ride to civilization had been bumpy, long, and trying your best to understand your driver with the thickest Costeño accent you had ever heard. A fair price to pay for landing on an illegal dirt patch in the middle of a Colombian jungle.

Chepe had left you with his driver and a bodyguard back at the landing field, slipping you in the passenger seat, making sure your hair didn’t get stuck in the door as he closed it,

‘’ I trust those two with my life. I’ll pick you up at the hotel tommorow ? ‘’

All teeth, handfuls of flesh, bent over the balcony.

‘’ How else am I supposed to empty the mini-bar then? ‘’

Hands gripping your waist, pining you against the shower wall.

It's later that day after he's been gone for hours and your lipstick has been reapplied, that he calls your room phone. You press your lips together, spreading the color evenly, as it rings some more. You take your finger up to your mouth, swiping the excess stain with your nail. Done. Your heels click on the marble floors on your way out of the bathroom,

‘’ Miss me already? ‘’

It's a party, he had said, near the water, you’ll love it.

He scoffs, as you disconnected the call. The more 6 o’clock gets near, the more all of your being screams at you to leave, clawing at your mind to run, not to look back. You know you should, that he would let you call it off and go back home. But the more you want it, the more you itch to open the safe where your passport is locked, and the more you realize you can’t.

You won’t.

The ride over there is less bumping than when you first got here. Jetlag is busting your ass, and your concealer is working hard to keep it unnoticed. Chepe is dressed up for the occasion as always. Chains, gold rings, a nice striped long-sleeved shirt. Maybe you’ll take all of it off tonight.

He’s driving this time, one hand on the wheel, the other on your thigh. You’re not sure if you like how familiar the move feels. Domestic. Wrong and right at the same time.

‘’ If this is about my wife, ‘’ he had said, with his arms around you, his chin in your hair, ‘’ I’ll leave her. ‘’

You had mentioned stopping everything when he had dropped by earlier. If I actually do this and meet them, I don’t think I can keep fucking you if I want to be taken seriously. Panic clawing at your chest, the reality of your work, the constant threats. There was no way for this to end well for you. For him.

‘’ Ask me and I’ll do it. I’ll call her right now. ‘’

He smelled like cigar and cologne, his palms sneaking under your shirt, warm on your stomach, soft, grounding,

‘’ This is not about her, ‘’ you had explained, head falling on his shoulder as he nuzzled into your neck, ‘’ This is about me, Chepe. About my work. Credibility. ‘’

His other hand pulled at your skirt, feeling the lace underneath. He molds you to him, unbelievably closer now. You felt him shiver against you, felt his breath behind your ear, the goosebump on your arms,

‘’ Tell me, ‘’ he had started with a groan, bringing the material over your waist, his other hand gently wrapping around your throat,

‘’ Tell me whoever dares, and I’ll make sure myself they never speak again. ‘’

You don’t doubt his words for a second.

The automatic light illuminates the garage as soon as Chepe drives the car in. You’ve never seen a garage this big. Cars lined up left to right, every one of them shinier than the other. What a waste of space.

He maneuvers his between two bright red-looking expensive ones. His toothpick rolls on his lips, leaning back against his seat, one hand on the wheel, as he changes gears. He couldn’t care less if he scratched one. Pocket change.

‘’ I probably should have stayed in my room and gotten another 8 hours of sleep. ‘’

He laughs, hearty, loud, deep, as if you’ve just told him the funniest joke of the night. His thumb rubs your thigh,

‘’ Are you going to stand me up? At your own party? ‘’

His attempt at lightening up the mood. In a way, it does, pushing your insecurities and anxieties to the side for a second. He can tell you hesitate, putting off the moment you step out of the car and have to do the grown-up illegal things you have gotten yourself into. You’re not that tired, caffeinated for two, and ready to throw punches if needed. Not that you would have to, with Chepe hot on your heels wherever you go, but it feels like it could calm you down, give you back some control maybe,

‘’ Oh, you’d do just fine I am sure. ‘’ you try to smile back.

You stay silent for a while, more like seconds really, but it feels relaxing and comforting. His hand is still warm on your skin. You always appreciated how he could understand those moments, never feeling like he had to fill it with words.

His thumb presses slightly on the inside of your thigh, bringing your attention back to him. It is darker now in the car, the automatic light having shut off seconds ago,

‘’ I wish I could introduce you as mine. ‘’

You can make out his side profile, the way his fingers drum on the wheel. You sigh,

‘’ José- ‘’

‘’ Ya, por favor, ‘’ he pleads, annoyed, ‘’ You always do this. ‘’

His hand comes up to scratch his stubble, moving down to where his neck meets his shoulder. He massages the skin, before his arm drops, defeated. Chepe moves in his seat, knees turning slightly to your side of the car. He leans toward you and you don’t understand why you feel nervous all of sudden. Anxious.

Homesick.

‘’ I know you think I’m not genuine. That I’m only saying this to make you happy. ‘’

For the first time in months, you don’t know what to say. He is right. Absolutely and utterly right. You don’t believe him when he says it. When he promises you travels, family parties, a career, a ring. You don’t believe easily, and you know what happens to the other women who naively listen and nod. You have seen it happen time and time again.

You sigh, falling back into your seat, trying to disappear inside the leather behind your back,

‘’ I like you a lot, Chepe. ‘’

You sigh, you don’t know where you are going with this. You can’t seem to be thinking ahead, about what you should say or not. Weirdly enough, in one of the most dangerous countries in the world, in an unknown garage, in a village you have forgotten the name of already, next to him, you feel safe. You don’t feel like you should tiptoe around his feelings, yours for that matter.

Your head rolls to the side to meet his gaze, your fingertips raising to touch his face. His brown eyes are on you, pupils blown from the darkness. Sharp nails follow his cheekbone softly, moving up to his freshly cut hair, pushing the loose grey strands back into place. His hand is on your wrist now, going up and down as he caresses the skin,

‘’ A lot. ‘’ you scoff, you realize.

So do I, he wants to say, Y yo a ti, his silence means. You want to lean in, break the space between you, kiss him, end this conversation and force him to bring you inside. You meet his eyes again as your nails roam behind his ear. You know he would let you, but here, today, you don’t think this is what you want,

‘’ We are being honest here, right? ‘’ he whispers, like a secret being shared between you two. You nod softly,

‘’ Talk to me. Tell me. ‘’ The truth, he means, how you really feel about this, ‘’ I’ve got all night. ‘’

You know he means it. Chepe would stay in this car all night if you decided to, he can tell how different the moment has gotten. Twenty minutes ago you would have laughed to tears, reapplied your lipstick, and gotten out of the car. The facade that goes in the character you play. He is still not sure what changed, but it makes him want you to be honest with him, to be true to what you know. Goosebumps spreads across your arm, following the warmth of his palm,

‘’ I want it. ‘’ you begin, toes wiggling inside your heel, trying to keep your knee from bouncing, ‘’ When you say you want to introduce me as yours. ‘’

It takes all his being not to surge forward to take your face between his hands. Then let me, let me. Your breath comes out shaky when you exhale as if you had been holding it for the last minute,

‘’ I am being honest, ‘’ you reassured, he knows you are. You had had deep conversations with Chepe before, nights spent sitting on your balcony, smoking and talking about life and all the things in between. His past, yours. Colombia, New York. Your hand falls to his neck, gently stroking his stubble with your thumb. It’s rough and it’s keeping you grounded, in the car, with him,

‘’ I wouldn’t mind if you did. ‘’ you admit, ‘’ I’d let you. ‘’

You don’t feel weak for telling him like you thought you would. Chepe brings your palm to his mouth, kissing the skin softly. Saying anything else would ruin the moment, and you are thankful he stays silent again. You can hear the music inside, voices laughing and screaming behind the closed door, and you know it is time for you to go and join the crowd. Do what you came here to do in the first place.

You lean between the seats, the cup holder pushing painfully against your ribs, and your hand falls from his lips as you rest your head against his shoulder. His shirt is coarse on your cheek and his fingers soft when he intertwines them with yours. Your thumbnail traces shapes on the back of his hand while you speak again,

‘’ I don’t think I’ve ever been this anxious in my whole life. ‘’

‘’ I wouldn’t have brought you here if I didn’t think you were up for it. ‘’

You hmm, and he can feel the sound vibrate through his shoulder,

‘’ It’s what you do back home, but here. Your Spanish is great, you’ll fit right in, mija. ‘’ he reassures,‘’ I’ll take care of you. ‘’

He emphasizes the words by gently squeezing your joint hands. You know he will, he always does. You know lots of things about him and that lying, to you at least, is not something he would do. We are being honest here, right? You reluctantly let him go, motioning to him to go ahead, body pulling away, your hand sliding back to your thigh. As he gets out of the car, the lights illuminate the garage again. Bright, blinding. Your eyes follow him around the hood of the car until he reaches your door, pulling it open,

‘’ Let’s do some work now, hm? ‘’

He presents his hand to you, his heart skipping a beat when you accept it, pressing yours against his while your swing your legs to the side to get out.

One step after the other, your heels click on the cement as you walk towards the door that leads inside the house. Breathe, smile, shake hands, repeat. Chepe’s hand reaches blindly for you behind him, and you grab it, just like he expects you to do. Blood is pumping in your ears, so loud that it is almost overtaking the music around you. This is exactly where you want to be, precisely what you planned. Inhale with the nose, and exhale through the mouth. It doesn’t come as fast as you would’ve liked, but slowly, air fills up your lungs. It is a weird feeling, really, how after only a few breaths you can feel your body tingle, calm and lightheaded. Revigorated. All part of the facade.

Your smile doesn’t falter when you meet the first few people, low associates, executants. It is bright, all white teeth and red lipstick. They make no comment, no sarcastic remarks about Chepe’s hand on your back, you let him lower it, let it curve around your waist. His eyes burning and threatening enough that no one dares to look for too long.

Your cheeks hurt, jaw a bit sore from speaking Spanish for the past hour, but the wine feels good and bitter down your throat, helping make those meetings bearable. Chepe is beaming, all laughs and handshakes, like a true socialite, a fish in water. You enjoy watching him more than you do partake in this whole thing. It is different for him here, and you can tell. You thought you would have been the last one arriving at the house, and as much as Chepe shuts down any remarks about the time you spent in the garage and as much as you pretend not to understand what they imply, you know words have already spread in the villa. Staying civilized in this jungle is harder than you would have thought.

It happens merely minutes after Chepe excuses himself to fill up your drink, the shift in the room. How everyone stands taller, pushes their shoulders back, sobering up. Whoever supplier Chepe left you with does not have eyes for you anymore. Here they are. The lions.

You see Pacho first, in the corner of your eye. You can tell it is him, from his silk shirt to his waxed brown shoes, from Chepe’s stories, there is no doubt in your mind. You have to bite first, you think, use this fake confidence to your advantage, and make this meeting yours. Your new wannabe-gangster friend had already abandoned you the second they entered the room. You have no choice but to stand your ground and stay tall too.

You force a smile on your cheeks as you turn to him, charming and warm. Pain and Chepe’s absence be damned. Pacho’s smile mirrors your own, like an old friend, a deadly trap. You like him already, you decide, not so different from you, you can tell. Cunning. Smart.

Your glass of wine is quickly put back in your hands, splashing around in the cup, as your man pushes at the guests around you to meet Pacho’s embrace with a laugh. They exchange quickly in Spanish, how are you doing, how’s the weather over there ? You let them catch up, soaking in how easily the moment flows, perfectly happy to stand on the sideline.

Chepe half turns to you, still going on to Pacho about this plane story of his that you have been waiting for the punchline for a while now. His hand finds your waist, absently bringing you closer to the two of them.

‘’ Hermano, ‘’ he begins, ‘’ Let me introduce you. ‘’

You don’t know what burns more, his warm fingers pressing gently into your skin or how Pacho’s eyes catch him doing it. You had agreed to this, but still, stares and looking eyes make you feel uncomfortable. He leads, you remind yourself, he knows, let him.

‘’ This is Y/N, ‘’ Chepe smiles, chest puffed out, proud, ‘’ My favorite partner in crime. ‘’

Pacho’s eyes are back on you, not on Chepe, not on his hand on your back. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. The air feels lighter, your fingers regain color around your glass. You let yourself fall back slightly into Chepe’s embrace, putting some of your weight on him. You share some stories about Pacho’s favorite clubs in New York, how you have to change entry port from now on after the last DEA bust, and how the margins are still going up even though.

‘’ You want another? ‘’ Chepe leans towards you, softly speaking the words in your ear, nodding to your empty cup,

‘’ I’d love that. ‘’ you say back, turning, nose almost catching his, ‘’ Maybe white this time, please? ‘’

‘’ Por supuesto, reina. ‘’

You don’t miss how Pacho’s eyes flicker back for a second on Chepe as he leaves. Pacho clears his throat, looking at you over his whiskey,

‘’ So, ‘’ he starts, ‘’ Favorite partner, favorite reina. ‘’

You nod, sending a smile his way, playful, trying to keep it civilized,

‘’ I’m his favorite lie detector too. I’m never wrong.‘’

Pacho laughs, thank god. He holds out his hand to you, and you put yours in his, giving it a nice shake,

‘’ You take care of him good? ‘’

His hand is firm in yours, he makes no move to withdraw, standing there, a step closer now. You get it then, why his handshake is so strong, why his eyes are sharp and serious, menacing. Brotherhood.

‘’ I do. ‘’ you stand your ground, hand unmoving, arm strong and chin up, ‘’ As he does to me. ‘’

He lets go of your hand as he turns to discard his drink, switching it for two champagne glasses that he swiftly takes from a nearby waiter,

‘’ Good. Good.‘’

You watch him look around, almost bored, unimpressed by all the festivities. Pacho takes a sip first, nodding in approval before holding up the second flute toward you for you to grab,

‘’ You know what I think, Y/N? ‘’

He smiles at you, knowing, sincere. He toasts the rim of his glass against yours, making a stream of bubbles burst from the bottom,

‘’ I think you and I will do great things around here. ‘’

#screamblog #really the only complaint I have #my one single grievance against this is that lieeeeek … there’s not more?#And it would be great if there was more sooooooooo #lowkey jk like do what your heart desires ofc #go where the muse takes you #….. but also :biknife: you should keep this shit rolling #but no it’s actually whatever you decide like live your life #…….. but :biknife: just know I will be watching and waiting okaybye #narcos #narcos mexico #chepe santacruz #chepe x reader #Chepe Santacruz x Reader #chepe santacruz x f!Reader #pacho herrera

72 notes · View notes

rosesloveletters · 4 years ago

Text

This is a very personal post for me. I never thought I would be making it, but I would like to share the trip I took with J exactly a year ago; I’ve spoken about this trip on a number of occasions and it is what really bonded us together. We’ve been inseparable ever since. J is not the kind of guy to open up easily, yet this trip was the very beginning of the both of us learning how to trust again.

I don’t like to share such personal details of our relationship, but it’s been a year since all of this took place and I kept it mostly quiet for that time; I’ve had the chance to hold this close to my heart and keep it only to my own knowledge, but now I would like to document it, as I’ve been looking back on it heavily today.

The rest will be under a cut, because there are pictures and I don’t want to clog everyone’s dash with useless info, photos and such if you don’t want to see. For those that read on, please enjoy.

In all of my life, I have never been away from my home for the holidays. Every Christmas Day and Thanksgiving Day, I am never anywhere but home. Last Thanksgiving was a ‘spur of the moment’ kind of thing that came to fruition only a few months before the holiday.

I had been sick a week prior to the trip and J had remained with me throughout that time. I can’t say I am completely new to F/Os, though before joining this community I did not know that self-shipping had a “name” or that “F/O’s” is a term; I have never had another F/O stick by my side during an illness. I tend to push them out of my mind when I have a virus, but I learned quickly that J is persistent. He did not leave. I was completely alone for the entire day and feeling J there kept me from utterly falling apart.

After my illness, the very next week we were on our way to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. If you’ve never been there, it is extremely touristy and crowded, but I love it. It has been practically a second home to me for so long; my family and I used to go there every summer. We stopped a long while ago, but I was thrilled to finally be back in a place so familiar. I know where all the restaurants are, all the stores I like, the aquarium (which we visited!) and more.

Our first day there was not much because we had been traveling the whole way. We rented a bed and breakfast up in the mountains; it was a fifteen minute drive of terror to get there. There were no guard rails on the steep hill and nothing keeping us from a sheer drop every time we came up or down, but what was at the top made it all worth it. Our little apartment was perfect and the view was spectacular.

This was our place at the top of the mountain and the spiral staircase that led to the loft where I stayed with J:

I could tell he felt safe up here in the middle of nowhere; I wanted to take him somewhere he wouldn’t be recognized. Within the hustle and bustle of the city, though, he had to be careful. He wore old clothes that he had saved that had been his, dark suspenders and black lace up shoes most days. This trip was the first time I saw him without his face paint. The point of the trip for us, was for us to be able to grow closer. J is a tough nut to crack, but we’ve known each other a long time; we got to know each other in a much different light on this trip.

This is the view from our balcony the first morning after we arrived:

We achieved a kind of solitude up there that we never would have in the city. J doesn’t like the city, despite his adamant request that we continue to live there. He has such a recognizable face that he is only truly at ease in a place like this, with civilization miles away.

When we did go into town, we stood in line for donuts. Of course since it was Thanksgiving, it was swarming with crowds and crowds of people (J hated that and several times he thought someone had recognized him.) J is a sucker for sweet treats and he was thoroughly excited with the idea of donuts; I later took him into a candy store in the same venue and he behaved, well, as one might suspect. I think he shoved a bunch of rock candy into his pockets because when we got back to our apartment later I heard him crunching on something and we didn’t buy any chips.

This was where we stood in line for donuts (I got a glazed donut with white frosting and sprinkles and J had something called a ‘pillow’ which was basically a square-shaped donut with creme filling):

We sat on a bench by the fountain and ate our donuts; J had his finished in about thirty seconds and was licking his fingers by the time I was on my third bite. That was the best food we had had there so far; the night before, we went out for pizza and it was horrible.

After we had had our donuts, J was ready to get away from the crowds; he felt like someone had been staring at him, so we headed out to the park for a while. J is not much of an outdoorsman, but he likes the solitude and that no one would be around to spot him. Everywhere we went, there were people, so J and I headed further back in the park where there was less of a chance to be around anyone. We got out and walked along a deserted pathway and stood on the edge of the creek as it rushed past us.

Here’s a photo from our walk:

After that, we headed back into town for lunch. Before we went inside to sit down, J dug around in his luggage for a purple knitted hat of his and put it on so he’d be less recognizable and his identity would be concealed enough for us to sit down long enough to share a meal. We had Mexican food; I learned that J has a thing for tortillas and extremely spicy salsa (and that he’s a messy eater.) We had our food fast and I think J had a margarita or two, but his scars were attracting some unwanted negative attention and people were staring, so we left fast before he could say anything. We went and bought tickets to the aquarium, per my request.

Inside the aquarium was the first time J saw my childish side; I get super excited at aquariums and zoos because of all the animals and it reminds me of all the fun school trips I used to take when I was little. We saw all kinds of sea creatures. J was most fascinated with the sharks and the jellyfish, while I was busy looking at the sea turtles and string-rays. However, my favorite exhibit was the penguins. We stood and watched them for close to thirty minutes. The staff members were feeding them and the little penguins got so excited. One man held up his cup and straw to the glass and one little penguin tried to grab it!

J and I were shocked when we saw this sitting inside the medical facility’s window where they tend to the penguins (for those who don’t know, Burgess Meredith was the actor who played the Penguin in the original Batman television series with Adam West as Batman, Burt Ward as Robin and Cesar Romero as the Joker):

We spent much of our time that day in the park after the aquarium trip and then we retired to our apartment at the top of the mountain and spent that night watching movies. That night was the night J told me the origin of his scars. He had never told anyone the full and completely truthful story and that was the first time he ever did and probably the last. This trip was full of ‘firsts’ for us; it was the first time we ever made love (watch him get pissed at me for saying that pffft.)

On Thanksgiving morning, J whipped us up some cinnamon rolls. It was a scene watching him try to use the oven; it was an extremely ancient appliance and he was dropping f-bombs left and right and I think he also burnt his hand on the pan. The only thing J will make correctly are things that come from a can, tin or otherwise are pre-made or sweets. In this case, we had a very decent breakfast:

We spent the rest of that day in the park and then that evening, we traveled over to the next town for our dinner reservations. Even though we had reservations, there were so many people we still had to wait over an hour to be seated. It was cold and we were wedged into a tiny corner as we waited. There was nowhere to sit and so I leaned back against J; he rested his chin on top of my head and would occasionally tap on my shoulders along to the music coming through the overhead speakers.

When we were finally seated, we were brought several courses, the first being apple fritters and drinks (the highlight of the meal), then we had some soup and it was terrible, and finally we were brought the main course: turkey, ham, green beans, mashed potatoes, corn, cranberry sauce and dinner rolls. There was so much food and, spread out across even such a large table, it was unimaginable how we were expected to eat it all. J finished almost all the turkey and about half the ham (he didn’t eat all day so he could “save room” for the meat.) He went to town on the rolls and mashed potatoes as well. He kept sneering at the cranberries and watched me with disgust as I ate them. He threw a dinner roll at me across the table to get my attention and grinned when I looked at him; he had corn stuck in his teeth. he took his hat off halfway through dinner because it was warm inside the dining room and somehow he wound up with mashed potatoes in his hair.

Here’s our meal before J had ravaged it all 9utter chaos ensued after this photo was taken):

Our last full day in Gatlinburg was fairly relaxed; we went into the city that morning, but it was even more crowded (it was a Friday) and J decided we’d better head out. We went into the park and started up one of the mountains. I let J drive and he drives like a maniac; we made such sharp turns I almost ended up out through the open window. He sped up the mountain and we quickly made it to the top. The view was breathtaking but J didn’t even blink. I know he had to have appreciated it as well, but he doesn’t make a big deal out of things. The farther up we went, the more deserted the lookout spots became and when we found ourselves alone, J scooped me into his arms and kissed me. Seeing tiny glimpses of his humanity was unsettling at first because I had never known him as such; J still finds ways to surprise me, even now.

This is the view we had at the top of the mountain:

and this is the spot where J kissed me:

( Cameron: and she kissed me

Pat: Where?

Cameron: in the car )

Little did we know that on the way down from the mountain, we would be sitting in the car for almost three hours stuck in traffic. We made the most of it; J wouldn’t let me turn on the radio for some reason, so I talked to him. He didn’t say much, but he listened. This was when I found out J was more of a listener unless he was in a playful mood.

When we got back to the apartment that night, we watched a Christmas movie together. I don’t fully embrace Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving - I owe it to all the holidays to give them equal time and attention (and I like Thanksgiving a lot.) No Christmas movies, music or decorating until after Thanksgiving. J kept talking through the entire movie and every time he laughed it scared me because he was so loud. It doesn’t bother me if he talks through movies because I do it too.

The next day, we packed our things and left to come back home. This is the view from outside our balcony on our last day:

I keep coming back to the memory of this trip because it was the last trip I got to take before the start of Covid; no one knows when it will be safe to travel again or if it will even be next year. I miss when everyone was able to do so and we weren’t risking our health and safety as well as other people’s just by going out. Of all the trips I’ve taken, this one will always be special to me because of J; he was like a light in my life and he came in at the most opportune time.

I haven’t felt that happy in so long. I had been suffering greatly a few months prior to the trip, but because of him things were beginning to change. I might not be a part of this world if I hadn’t met him again at the time I had and I am lucky that I got to experience such a lively time in my life and all the little ways loving J has renewed my sense of self-love and awareness in the world and things around me.

This trip is one I owe to J, but also to myself; I felt aware of myself and my space in the world.

I have no idea how I talked J into making this trip with me, nor if I’ll ever convince him to come with me anywhere ever again, but I will hold the memories close to me forever and I’ll always look back on this time of the year as something special and happy.

#self-shipping #jaie #my stuff #I love my J #I dont know if he feels the same but I know how I feel

3 notes · View notes

psychicscavenger · 5 years ago

Text

Sea Witch (Shance MerMay 2019)

another drabble for my series Making Waves and Turning Tides. Series was inspired by @justshance‘s Mermay prompts for 2019, written for @shancemermay and fellow shance and mermaid fans in general.

Tags: Tooth-Rotting Fluff, some plot, conspiracy, pining, fairy tale elements, little mermaid elements, AU

After having to watch that disgusting display of emotions, Lotor sank into the depths of the abyss, welcoming the feeling of darkness as well as the increasing pressure allowing his gills to breathe in and out gently. The wonderful air flowing through and cleaning out the salty air from above surface left him feeling more relaxed but he was still on edge hoping his plan would work.

Lotor continued to swim down, the light from the surface fading away until he was swallowed up by the void, circling around him with only his senses to guide him past other mers who lingered around the abyss, usually nowhere to go with other unsavory creatures who liked to lurk in the deep. Lotor located his cave quickly, quietly slipping into the vast cavern, easily avoiding the fluttering cuttlefish his mother liked to experiment on. He cool called out a greeting towards the witch, sliding against a rock and parking himself there, unfurling his tentacles to stretch as the witch, his mother Honerva, approached.

"Lotor have you spoken with the fish noble's son?" A raspy voice called from behind the seaweed curtain. Lotor hummed, meticulously cleaning a tentacle sucker, making sure no remnants of fish scales were stuck underneath before casually replying, "Yes I have. The silly little brat took the deal and he's now off frolicking on the dry lands with the king. We'll be ruling this pathetic ocean soon Mother. That damned Queen Allura was a fool to reject me as a potential mate and to cast you from her palace with your talents! A true disgrace for a monarch in my opinion." Lotor huffed as his mother oozed from the shadows, pulling back the weeds to expose her curling tentacles floating around her as she glided over to her son.

"Just remember the plan. Once that noble gets a taste of what he wants, you'll draw him back and make him hold up his part of the deal. We need that trident if we want to take over the ocean." She spoke, every word punctuated harshly through the murky water Lotor would twitch every time she spoke.

"And what happens if he refuses or doesn't get a hold of it? Lance is divine looks wise but he's not all that brilliant upstairs." Lotor mocked snickering at the image of the mer earlier, acting all flustered and squeamish when the two humans approached him.

"That I'll leave to you dear son. Consider it a gift for helping me this far. It's taken years to find the right someone to help take down the queen but now I have high hopes that we'll be taking over not one but two kingdoms if all goes well." Honerva spoke heading over to a cavern rock that held some valuable objects to her. It was piled with bones, some mers, some regular fish. She even had a collection of shark teeth in a jar as well las several jars of glowing substances, Lotor would rather not ask what those were about.

Honerva pulled out a dusty broken mirror, so old it was rotted in the handle area, bits of algae and mold growing on the reflective portion which Honerva wiped away, repeating a few mumbled phrases unintelligible until the mirror glowed and soon Lotor was watching Lance in the mirror.

"This way we'll keep an eye on the boy, measure his progress with the humans." Honerva stated watching as Lance was currently having a battle with a few humans over the proper way to wear what the humans called pants. Lotor furrowed his brows watching the spectacle as he leaned back, crossing his arms with impatience.

"How long will this take do you think?" He asked getting annoyed upon seeing the human king enter the room and calmly remediating the situation, hands lingering upon Lance's waist with Lance flushing immediately.

"Not long, humans are easily predictable and are often like the very fish they hunt and eat. Place something shiny and new in front of them, and they'll snatch up the bait pretty easily." Honerva explained smirking upon seeing the matching blushing expressions between Lance and the human king.

"Sometimes too easily." She grinned.

****

Lance wasn't normally materialistic, sure he was a mermaid, he hoarded a fair bit of treasure that many humans have dropped into the ocean, and he liked to keep his scales cleaner and shinier than his family or friends in the shoal, but compared to having a big, fluffy cushion all to himself, not having to share with his sisters, brothers, niece and nephew, he knew he could never go back to his old life.

"It's so big and bouncy! Beds are so cool!" He moaned, spreading his arms and legs over and over on the vast space, the long sleep shirt he was given rising up just a tad bit, exposing more and more of his upper thighs that had Shiro coughing and glancing away out of respect for his guest, and to keep himself in check.

"Yeah they are..also I just want you to know that you are welcome to stay here as long as you like even if you're finished recovering, I'm afraid to admit, but living on the far coast we don't see too many visitors." Shiro explained a small smile appearing on his face as Lance sat up tilting his head just so in that adorable curious way he's done all day.

"Do I get to use the bed still?" Lance asked which had Shiro chuckling. "Yes, you can use the bed as long as you want." Lance sighed happily flopping back over much to Shiro's amusement as Lance flipped over and snuggled into the sheets.

"Thank Goddess, I never want to leave ever again. You are my treasure now." Lance reached up patting a pillow as Shiro held back a giggle about to head out into the hall.

"If you need anything, I'm sure any of the kind people working here can attend to your needs, I'll be up as well as I'm not much of a sleeper, my rooms not too far down the hall. If you can't find someone, just come find me." Shiro stated turning to head out when Lance shot up, shouting "Wait!"

Shiro froze, unsure what was wrong until he suddenly found a sturdy presence pressing into his front side, arms wrapped around his middle and nearly hanging off of him(Lance still hadn't been able to get his legs to work properly like the humans, Shiro was currently in the process of finding the man a wheelchair to use in the meantime), his face pressed into Shiro's shirt, inhaling deeply as he spoke.

"Goodnight Shiro. I'm glad I met you, you were definetly worth it." Lance sighed happily unaware of the blushing flustered mess Shiro had become.

At first he wasn't sure what to say to something like that. It was definetly a little odd for a goodnight even if the man was very obviously appreciative of Shiro's hospitality, although it was expressed in such a strange way it had Shiro wanting to seek out answers to this puzzle.

But first, bed time.

Eventually, Shiro hugged him back, a little less tighter than Lance's but happy to return the affection in some way, whispering goodnight to Lance before gently coaxing him back to bed, maybe spending a bit too much time tucking him in but he reminded himself, or rather, tried to convince, that he was simply being extra cautious since the man was injured. They still haven't been able to get any solid information such as who he was or where he came from, but he was ultimately deemed not a threat and welcomed by the castle staff and guards alike.

All except for Keith that is.

Keith was friendly, in his own strange way. He obviously cared for others who mattered to him and Shiro's second-in-command for a reason.

His people skills..need work on the other hand.

Since Lance has been invited to the castle, Shiro had found the two bickering several times and Lance had only been there for four hours. Keith didn't trust strangers so easily and was incredibly suspicious of Lance, Shiro didn't really blame him either because Lance did some..very weird things. Like tonight's dinner fiasco.

As Shiro slipped away from Lance's bedroom, trying to get Lance's soft sleepy smile out of his head, he almost groaned at the memory of Lance's first dinner experience in the castle and how..not great it turned out. Apparently salad was too confusing of a dish to explain to Lance so he didn't eat it. The main course, some kind of lobster bisque, had insulted Lance, and in the end the only thing he liked was bread that he referred to as a beige sea sponge. Then Keith got involved...

"Shiro I need to talk to you." Shiro flinched, finding himself suddenly face to face with the very angry person he was thinking off.

"Good because I think we need to sign you up for more etiquette lessons." Shiro teased amused as Keith's face bloomed in embarrassment before he turned away huffing, with Shiro following.

"Lance started it, he was acting so weird! All I simply said was, the fork isn't to comb your hair and he yelled at me! He got mad because I wouldn't let him comb his hair with a fork Shiro, a fork, thats weird." Shiro sighed in response, understanding somewhat.

"Keith what you said was and I quote; 'Hey idiot, that's not how a fork works,' and glared at him until he stopped. I don't blame him for getting upset to be honest." Shiro shrugged it off, turning away towards his room when Keith jumped in front of him again.

"Still, how does someone his age not know how to use a fork? He looked like he had never seen one before Shiro! He's been looking at everything like that He got excited sitting in a chair Shiro. A chair. Don't you think that's a little suspicious at all? What if he's planning something?" Keith asked urgently to which Shiro sighed, aware that Keith tended to think towards the negative and conspiratorial side of things.

"Well, it's strange but I'm actually starting to guess the poor guy hit his head so hard he may have amnesia. It explain's why he can't remember how to use the most basic of human tasks. That or something really bad happened to him, we'll just have to find out and by doing that, he'll have to stay here, got it?" Shiro asked gently to which Keith nodded, obviously disgruntled with the idea.

"Fine but I don't like this." He griped trodding behind Shiro heading off towards his own room as Shiro just about closed his door, a few guards posted outside in case of any emergency.

"Okay MOM. Goodnight." Shiro held back a giggle when Keith made a face, waving him off as his version of 'goodnight' before Shiro shut his door getting ready for bed and a small part of him excited and intrigued to get to know his blue eyed guest.

#shance #shance mermay 2019 #lance is in love with beds #partcularly big beds he doesnt have to share #unless he wa ssharing with shiro of course

25 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 8 years ago

Text

Survey #80

oh wow, sorry for the inactivity ya’ll. been busy with moving and no internet...

is your hair damaged? no, it's very healthy, actually. people love my hair, makes me feel amazing tbh ;;u;; who was the last person you threw out of your life? um idk really. i rarely throw people out... i believe in fixing relationships. most, realistically, are salvageable. how many hours did you sleep last night? like... none. e_e has someone disappointed you recently? yes. a friend was acting rather immature last night. do you prefer hot or cold weather? COLD COLD COLD are you afraid of roller coasters? yup. are you shy? VERY!!! do you hate it when you go over to someone’s house and do absolutely nothing? no, so long i have my phone or laptop. what color is the hair of the last person you kissed? black does the last person you kissed wear glasses? nope you’re on your way home from a night out, and you’re sure someone is following you. what do you do? drive to the nearest police station. what colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? only black what color ARE your lashes? black what font do you usually use? a small version of arial or garamond. do you put gel or mousse in your hair? i do not. ever used to have an imaginary friend? no actually. ever used a dreamcatcher? if so, did it work? nope. ever took ballet, jazz, or tap dancing classes? jazz, hip hop, clogging, modern... wear a specific necklace every day? i do not. are you an affectionate person? very. what is something you are proud of? graduating in the highest tier of my graduating class. time of day you were born? 11:20 A.M., i think. are you a boy or girl? girl how do you want to die? idk, really. some pretty painless way. ever made out in the bathroom? no. are you scared of spiders? most. do you have piercings? how many? yes, two in each earlobe. i've HAD many more, buuut... long story. want any more? yep. labret on lip, snake eyes on tongue, right side of nose, more on my ears... have you ever been on a horse? i have. have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? i have, much to my dismay. do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? doubt it. ever been to alaska? i wish! what’s your zodiac sign? aquarius do you like subway? ye what is your least favorite color? brown or like, puke green. do you like to read? not anymore, no. what’s something you’re really passionate about? m e e r k a t s ! ! ! ever been bitten by a snake? nope a spider? not to my knowledge ever had a job? if so, what and for how long? two, yes. gamestop sales clerk for like a month. dollar general cashier for legit four days lmao. ever won yourself a stuffed animal? sure ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? i think. do you like lollipops or suckers? yeah, sure. favorite fruit? strawberries favorite vegetable? broccoli favorite meat? chicken do you drink energy drinks? nope. ever used crest white strip? no, but i'd like to. do you want to cut your hair? i need it trimmed. do you have any scars? shin and chin is your profile private? my facebook one? yes. what artist do you have the most songs for in your itunes/music library? ozzy osbourne or metallica what’s your blood type? a- do people ever say your name wrong? how do they say it? no. it's such a common name, so. which do you like better, biographies or autobiographies? autobiographies, imo. do you think that your parents give you a lot of freedom? even at 21, no. which do think is classier, black clothes or white clothes? black have you ever seen a ghost? explain: idk. i KNOW i've seen some inhuman entity walking on all fours once before, but idk if it was truly a "ghost" do you like oatmeal? eh, i'm picky. can't have too much milk, i'll tell ya that for sure. are any of your friends in a band? no. what is the worst food experience you’ve had? eating brussel sprouts omg never again do you know how to tap dance? i know how to clog. same thing, just different shoes for a different sound effect. what’s your favorite flavor of skittles? RED OMG when was the last time you used oil pastels? high school art class do you know who edward gein is? hmmmm... wasn't he some serial killer or even a satanist, something along those lines? name sounds familiar. think there's a character in the silent hill franchise in his name. if pot was finally legalized, what would you do? idk if it's legal in nc, but anyway, i still wouldn't do it. do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? inside do you prefer an automatic or a manual transmission? automatic who is your favorite disney character? not sure, maybe mufasa. if you’re staying home all day, do you bother getting changed or do you just stay in your pajamas? stay in pajamas. if you don’t drive - how come? if you do - how old were you when you got your license? i have my permit, but i don't drive much because of anxiety. i am a nervous wreck, and i'm not comfortable endangering other's lives. have you ever caught a tadpole? ye. (: what kind of dog would you get if you could choose any breed? right now, a chow chow. how often do you listen to rap? like never. do you have the boobs to work at hooters? boobs, maybe, but not the body. granted, i'm only a d because of my weight. when i wasn't overweight, i was a c. are you wearing a ring, if so who gave it to you? yes, and my mama. if someone of importance checked your profile, would you be embarrassed? what profile, my facebook? not really. has anyone ever told you “forever”? AND YET HE'S NOT HEEEEEREEEEE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :D which is harder - walking in the snow or sand? sand, omg. do you like sour candy? YEAH in one word, how would you describe your best friend? honest. is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? "friends" by... i think it's blake shelton? she's established that's "our song," which i think is so cute. ;w; what's annoying you right now? even just a little bit counts. okay so a friend from high school was talking to me via facebook last night, and he just... did something that REALLY got under my skin. first let my say that in high school, he admitted to liking me. i liked him as a friend; i hadn't known him long enough to really establish an "i like-like you" attitude yet. well, we drifted apart, not that there was ever anything much holding us together. anyway, he and i were messaging each other for a very short period of time when he asked me if i was seeing anybody, said no, then he asked if i liked him, and i was just like... uhhhh... no??? bc i haven't seen him since high school??? sooo tell me how i would have any valid feelings??? and more importantly, tell me how he'd have valid feelings for ME after so long??? idk, it just honestly pissed me off because it made me feel like he was after an easy piece of meat with no emotional connection. he hasn't messaged me back yet, and i, frankly, don't care if he does or doesn't. have you ever painted a car? no are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? no. the worth isn't there, imo. have you ever been into a real cave? oh, i wish!! have you ever posted mean comments on youtube? oh i can say with certainty i have as a pre-teen. i was an obnoxious lil shit when i first started actively using the internet. what was the main subject of your last telephone conversation? i was telling mom i was throwing up, so my anxiety was bad. have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? yup. what exactly did you drink the last time you were intoxicated? mike's hard, i think. do you think the next person you kiss will be a better kisser than the last person you kissed? impossible. is your all-time favorite television show still on air? i wish, but no. are looks important in a relationship? very!! very!! slightly!!!! i believe emotional chemistry is incalcuably more important, but simultaneously, having a physical attraction to your partner is something that increases your connection. i used to not believe this and you probably don't either, but ponder over it for a while. it does hold slight weight. do you believe in love at first sight? absolutely not, it's rubbish to believe you can "love" somebody just by fucking looking at them. the idea is laughable. do you ever want to get married? i do. do you shower every day? no, that's horrible for your skin. i shower every two days. have you ever experienced unrequited love? yes and tbh i'd rather die have you ever written a song or poem for someone? poems, yes. what’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? i don't actively look for it, but hmmm... i'd say decent/healthy teeth. who are five people you find attractive? 1.) link neal is actually daddy; 2.) jason/my ex; 3.) adam levine ain't bad; 4.) chris hemsworth; 5.) oh my actual god i almost forgot mark fischbach/markiplier what's your profile picture? i'mma cover for... almost everywhere. this tumblr: me; main tumblr: link neal; facebook: me; km rpg: rhett mclaughlin laughing; deviantart: my oc what's your dad's name? kenneth, but everyone just calls him "ken" do you still have feelings for an ex? very strong ones do you like the rain? ye!! what is your favorite fruit flavor? strawberry which two friends can you see together as a couple? idk, i don't really "ship" my friends what was the happiest moment in your life? dancing to "stairway to heaven" with jason on prom night, in my front yard, in the headlights of his old truck. would you be brave enough to spend an entire hour alone in a cemetery? yeah. got a phobia you want to share? whale sharks. lmao. how many places have you traveled to? name them. new york, michigan, florida, ohio, tennessee, virginia... who are the 3 greatest living musicians? oh god. errr ozzy osbourne, otep shamaya, james hetfield. what’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever been? michigan do you feel like a leader or a follower? i'm a follower, usually. if you had to live in a different state, what would it be? utah would you rather win an olympic medal, an academy award or the nobel peace prize? nobel peace prize what is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen? "the rite" scared me ONLY bc i am horrified by the idea of being raped by a demon, nevermind satan what is your favorite thing about the beach? the shells and starfish! what’s the worst thing you did as a kid? i hit my little sister multiple times would you ever donate blood? i have before, but idk if i would again. it was so stress-inducing. do you wear hats? no. have you ever seen your best friend cry? i have. have you ever been a vegetarian? nope. do you find lube pointless for regular old intercourse (not anal)? yeah, honestly. if you're technically turned on, your body pretty much takes care of it? which sex position would you find more awkward: anal or some really crazy vaginal intercourse position (check wikipedia if you can’t think of any crazy ones)? anal will always be weirder to me. do you ever wear temporary tattoos as an accessory? no. when was the last time you had a panic attack? two nights ago what’s your favorite color to wear? black. it's a flattering color. clay, crayons, markers, pastels, charcoal, or paint? pastels have you ever broken anything because you were mad? no are you ticklish? yup. why were you last hospitalized? i tried to kill myself. do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? baked. mashed is gross. do you like bread sticks? omg you have no idea what state were you born in? north carolina have you ever been to an art gallery? sure. do you have the same political views as your parents? most, yes. what are you listening to? a jim gaffigan stand-up if you could make your lips bigger, would you? IF i could just snap my fingers and it's be that way, maybe. i'd have to look in the mirror again lol are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? sure am. what’s the funniest commercial? omg the sexy mr. clean one bc i CRY do you own any form of a gameboy? we have three. i think two are broken, though. what’s your favorite store in the mall? hottopic. have you ever seen a cat with blue eyes? ... yes? would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? which one more? never bought condoms before, so i can't really say, but pads/tampons, nah man. periods are just a totally natural part of life for a woman, nothing to be embarrassed about. if you were looking for a new pair of shoes where would you go? hot topic is preferable what color is the computer/laptop you’re on? did you buy it yourself? it's black, but it has a pink zebraprint cover on it. and no, it's my older sister's technically, but now it's mom's. do you have a second home? not anymore. does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? all of them. the worst is weed though, oh my GOD it stinks. was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? two years older. how often do you drink monster? never. it's nasty. have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? you forgot to mention cringey. oh, the pre-teen years. do you own a nightgown? no. have you ever worn fishnets? for dance, probably. i'm not sure. is someone in your family affected by asperger’s? no. would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out? *CHOKES ON DRINK* do you always wear your seat belt? always! are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? welp. here goes. high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, asthma, depression, bipolarity, cancer is in question, and i can guarantee i'm forgetting some... do you have asthma? no. my mother and grandmother do, though. last person to take off your pants, besides you? jason might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two? so long i can bring my camera! do you have a bull ring through your nose? no. thought about it, though. do you and your dad get along? yep. can you see your purse right now? indeed. when you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? yes. i have allergies, so i sometimes use it even when i don't have a cold. do you actually like sneezing? ... does anyone? do you wear skirts a lot? i haven't worn a skirt in years. how many pairs of jeans do you think you have? i have no jeans. just yoga pants and sweatpants... are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? hell no. do you love your computer? yes ;-; do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself? with mom. do you like zombie movies? no particular opinion. what’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? saw an old lady puke on the floor once when i was little. scarred me for life. x-what’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever seen? this was never told to me, but to my mother: let your husband be your head/be very submissive to everything he wants. fuck that. have you ever volunteered in a hospital? if not, would you ever want to? no no no no no no no. have you ever had to give a pet away? cats, yes. did you play pretend a lot as a child? were there any recurring plots or themes? oh definitely. and i don't think so... has a teacher ever tried to teach you something that was undeniably wrong? oh, you mean like evolution? have you ever meditated? if so, did it do anything for you? not the whole "ooohhhmmm" deal, but yeah. it only stressed me out. are any of your favorite bands broken up or on hiatus right now? ozzy osbourne- probably metallica- no otep- no marilyn manson- i don't believe so rammstein- no cradle of filth- don't know a day to remember- no what kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live? besides birds, squirrels. occasionally a possum at night. do you have any physical photo albums? sure do. do your parents and grandparents get along with each other? dad loves his dad, mom loves her mom, but she pisses her off and offends her a lot. do you have a favorite hoodie? the one i'm wearing now! it's dark gray with pikachu sleeping on it and it says "current mood." :3 do you have a twitter? it exists, but i never, ever use it. is anyone in your family artistic? besides me, my cousin is. what do you want to do after high school? after high school, i went to a community college very briefly. quit. took a break. went to a university. quit. are you emo/gothic/punk? eh. would you date someone 20 years older than you? definitely not.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

3 notes · View notes

iamsoneurotic · 7 years ago

Text

A Guide to Kid’s Shows

Parenting is a big deal - this is the understatement of the year, decade, century and of all measurable existence. With parenting there is a lot of knowledge to be gained. Some of that knowledge will come from experience, some will come from our own parental figures and the rest will be gained from the internet. Allow me to be a part of the latter source and impart to you one of the most crucial digital tomes of enlightenment you will ever come across…

A Guide to Kid’s Shows!

You think I’m being silly, but in all my years as a graphic designer, there’s one rule that always rings true and strangely enough, applies to what shows you let your kids watch: If you’re presenting a client with options, never give them an option that you hate - Because that is the one option they will love.

Now excluding all of your dumb friends on Facebook and Instagram who do nothing but brag about how their kids never have screen time and they’re always posting happy family pictures of them in parks and on hikes and eating granola out of troughs in some remote Vermont location, the rest of us know that screens are your only hope of keeping your wound up, bratty kids occupied long enough so you can take a 5 minute dump without having to run out of the bathroom mid-wipe with your pants around your ankles to yell at your little ‘angels’ who can’t agree on what color lego castle they’re going to build without slapping each other around like a couple of town drunks. Run-on sentence? Maybe, but it’s just what I’m used to listening to all day in a house where we’ve been attempting to reduce screen time.

Anyway, like I was saying - screens good, noise bad. But this approach can very quickly backfire on you if you’re not careful. Remember, the purpose of television is to keep your kids quiet, but what’s the point of your kids being quiet when you’ve hastily picked the first colorful show you could find and now you’re listening to 4 grown Australians singing about what it’s like to be a Jack-in-the-Box??

EDUCATE YOURSELF! Sanity is on the line!

Because there’s a million shows out there to get suckered into, I’ll just go over 2 for now, a bad one and a tolerable one. I might make this into a series I do… I’ve got 5 years worth of children’s programming eating away at my brain, I might as well write about it.

DANIEL TIGER’S NEIGHBORHOOD

Remember all those fond memories you had watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood growing up? The soothing voice and welcoming face of a man everybody wished was their grandfather serenading you while he puts on a colorful sweater and brings you to a magical land of make-believe? … Yeah, he’s dead now and all we’re left with is this oversaturated, poorly animated bastardization of a children’s classic.

Daniel Tiger takes place in the infamous Land of Make-Believe and it stars the son of Daniel Stripéd Tiger (also named Daniel) as he learns how to not be such an obnoxious, spoiled twerp. The show takes some liberties with the classic content. Daniel Tiger’s dad, whom the show refers to as “Dad Tiger” is the grown up version of the Mr Rogers’ character Daniel Stripéd Tiger - who if any of us remember, was a shy, softly spoken kitten who lived in a handless clock tower. Evidently he’s gained some confidence, learned to talk like a man and got himself a wife and kid. Now he lives in an actual house and works at the clock tower doing who knows what – the clock has no hands, what could he possibly be doing in there? I can only imagine it involves lipstick and a skin-suit.

The majority of the other characters from Mr Rogers are all grown up now as well and have annoying kids of their own for Daniel to barely get along with… Except for the mailman who evidently never ages and is cursed to live alone for the rest of his immortal days. The only original character who I haven’t seen make an appearance is Lady Elaine Fairchild, and for what it’s worth, excluding her was probably a smart move - her puppet was made of tears and nightmares.

Why you should avoid: 🎶 Would you like to know why you shouldn’t watch?🎶

🎶 Would you like to know why you shouldn’t watch?🎶

Do you hate me yet? …

🎶 Do you hate me yet?🎶

Yeah, this is the number one reason you should NEVER PLAY THIS ON YOUR TV. They pick a crappy jingle about some common sense thing, like brushing your teeth, and then they sing it OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER AGAIN. I still have episodes burned into my brain from overexposure to that show. One song in particular was just a bold-faced lie. “Grown ups come back”... As in if you’re upset about your mom or dad leaving the house, don’t worry, grown ups always come back!

Except when they don’t.

In addition to the repetitiveness of poorly written songs, the main reason this show will get on your nerves is because Daniel Tiger is literally the cartoon equivalent of a real-life toddler. It sounds mean to say, but think about every cringe-worthy, obnoxious thing your kids do, now imagine having to watch an entire television show where your main character does exactly those things. The whole reason you’re letting them watch TV in the first place is to escape the harsh but undeniable reality that toddlers are the worst!

Now, granted, the point of the show is to teach your kids that everything they do is irritating and they should just stop, but would it kill the producers to use a hint of metaphor? Perhaps a whimsical, make-believe anecdote that teaches a similar lesson? This is the land of make-believe isn’t it?? Why is it so freaking real???

Luckily there’s another magical place that your kids can scramble their brains to that gets it right…

SUPER WHY!

I’m not going to pretend that Super Why! is a good show (children’s entertainment is rarely, if ever, capable of reaching that standard), but it is an incredibly harmless show - which is the most any burnt out parent can really hope for.

As I alluded to a moment ago, the show takes place in the magical land of Storybook Village, a place where all of our favorite fairytale characters live together in harmony. It exists behind some tiny door inside of a real-life children’s library on a shelf that I imagine kids can’t reach because you know if they found out about that door they’d burn that library to the ground to get at it. I always knew I’d find a way to write about kids burning books like a bunch of little fascists. Shark jumped.

Similar to Daniel Tiger, some of our main characters are relatives of more popular characters from children’s stories. Our title character, Whyatt Beanstalk (AKA Super Why) is the brother of Jack Beanstalk from Jack and the Beanstalk... who I’m pretty sure never actually had Beanstalk for a name. Our other characters consist of Princess Pea, who is the daughter of the princess from The Princess and the Pea (who must be a queen now?), Alpha Pig, who I think is one of the 3 little pigs, and Little Red Riding Hood.

Clearly somebody was drunk when they came up with this cast. Why have the brother of Jack and the daughter of Princess Pea, but then just throw in the actual characters of Little Red Riding Hood and one of the 3 Little Pigs? Just use Jack and the original Princess! It makes no sense, I don’t like it.

They eventually get a dog named Woofster who joins their little brat Justice League. He offers nothing to the show and his name is dumb. Let’s just get a cat on the show and name him Meowey while we’re at it.

… Come to think of it, if they could get a wisecracking cat named Meowey Mandel that’d be PHENOMENAL on so many levels. I’m writing to PBS after this.

Anyway, they all have special reading powers which they use to solve mysteries. The basic setup of every episode is one of them has a problem, they’re too dumb to figure out how to deal with said problem, so they transform into superheroes and journey into fairytale books where they solve a mystery and then apply what they learned to their insignificant real-life situation.

Super Why has the power to read, Princess Pea has spelling power, Red Hood has word power, Alpha Pig has Alphabet power and Woofster uses a dictionary. Based on those powers, it sounds to me like they all have the power to read. Why waste money animating 5 of these stupid characters? Scrap 4 of them and put that budget into better writers.

Why it’s tolerable Ignoring the fact I’ve done nothing but pick on this show, it actually won’t really bother you. Everything that annoys me is annoying because I’ve made the mistake of paying attention. You should NEVER pay attention to what your kids are watching. I see no flaws in that advice.

It's a cute show. The jingles are catchy enough, the characters don’t act like bratty kids, and from a visual perspective it’s not offensive to the eyes (I’m looking at you, Bo on the Go… I could write 50 blogs about that Canadian abomination). The show is mostly CG, but when they go into the storybooks, all the people and objects are flat like they were made out of paper. It’s actually pretty creative. Well played, Super Why.

It’s made by the people behind Blue’s Clues (Which I had hoped would have died horrible, embarrassing deaths by now, but alas, they’re still at it) and so there’s that element of characters talking to the viewers and asking them if they see items on the screen. I mean whatever, it engages your kids, but the adult in me is just like, “It’s right behind you. Turn around and look, you’ve got 4 other useless characters with the same superpowers wandering around the screen, why are you bothering my kids?” Before you know it my kids are yelling at the TV, I’m yelling at the TV and Super Why still isn’t turning the eff around! But while my boys are having a blast trying to help Super Why, I’m just getting ticked off and want to punch him in his little kid nuts.

I guess TV won’t give you any peace and quiet after all. Take your kids on a hike.

~ M.

#dad #Daddy blog #daddyblog #daddy #humor #parenting #parenthood #fatherhood #kids #tv #super why #daniel tiger #childrens show

0 notes