#this started with me drawing amy in cute outfits

[head---ache]

omg magical girl au??? 😳😳

[solalunar-eclipse]

To everyone in the comments begging for a fic about this: PLEASE go read Heart of Gold with Blood-Red Eyes!!! It’s by this artist and features Shadow in a similar dynamic with Fleetway Super Sonic, and it is fantastic.

[missamyrisa2]

If tickle robots exist, they would definitely determine that Miss Amy is perfect gigglemilk material 👌 imagine being studied by a bunch of tickle robots who will coochie coo all your tickle secrets out to find the perfect way to gigglemilk the gigglemama.

Youuuuu~!!!

Stop that riiiight nowwww stop making this amazingggglyyy wicked scenario that I can't help but drawing nowww~ gahhh it's likeee when you all give me ideas like this one I can't not create them in my mind and subject myself to my own imagination painting the portrait of your design~!!

I just think about like trying to make my way home and I keep hearing this faint buzzing sound~ unknowing that a snicker observer has been tracking my movements and performing preliminary scans. I feel the tingles but dismiss it as just butterflies in my tummy ~ which leaves me sooo open to the bots, hovering above in their ship with a tractor beam to draw me up into a big chute lined with feathery etchings~~

The examination and experimentation chamber is both loaded with the mobile tickle bots, zooming out from their similarly feather logoed doors and the fixed bots all along the walls. The endless machinery hums and buzzes, receiving and processing me by scanning and passing me from arm to arm and clamp to clamp ~ stripping away my clothes and performing body checks and temperature checks and reflexes with all manner of soft tools and probing tools ~ before redressing me back into my cute outfit and locking me into a kneeling upright apparatus~

Sooo that they can do their observation choice of the day which is the effects of my hips and hip dip tickles~ which is just sooo bad because wellll~ most bottoms hang from my hips in such a way to expose them and create the hip dips which is what attracted the bots in the first place ~ and today is worse still because I'm wearing my little denim miniskirt which very much hangs from the hips~ and as their spinning tickle tools insert into the front pockets, the feathery probes start sliding down to test and tease my hip dipsss~

All the tickle bots work their implements or observe, buzzing and evaluating my progress while my giggles and gaspysnickers fill the room~ the spinners in the pockets tickling so badly and keeping the skirt from slipping around~ so that proper tickles and teases can be done on the dipsss~ and with a chime they send in new bot for the most dreaded sensation ~ a tapper hovering down to my metal flower belt buckle, extending tuning-fork like extensions to begin testing the petals with audible pings.

Every tap makes me scream and wiggle out, trying to twist as my hips are tickle tortured mercilessly ~ and every moment that passes my princess part shows off more what these tickles are doing to me~I can buck and cackle and moan all I like ~ they never relent and never are swayed by any of my nonsense babbling or pleading. They absolutely intend to arouse me to complete desperate overload, and certainly to begin a milking procedure for those coaxed giggledropss~~

(mmmh I can'tttttt toooo teassyyyy~~<3)

[evelhak]

Hello! For the anime asks: 1, 11, 12, 22, and 26. :D

Thank you, always a pleasure to share perspectives with you!

1. I already talked about my first anime in the previous ask here, so I'll talk about another early one that was impactful. One of our babysitters when my little siblings were still very little, had the anime version of Little Women on VHS and I wanted to watch nothing else for months. I think I was nine, and I was completely taken by the style, the huge eyes and the cute historical outfits. It affected my drawing for years. I actually saw the anime before I read the book, although I did read it during the same year at school, when I realized it was a book. Of course, when I later watched the -94 Little Women movie, I was so weirded out that Jo wasn't a blonde and Amy wasn't a brunette. Haha, I must have ignored their descriptions in the book, since I had the anime version in my head so vividly.

11. Anime I didn't expect to like but did... Romantic Killer!! It's probably the only new anime I've watched last year, but it was GENIUS. I really didn't expect anything of it, I watched it because someone made me, and for the first few episodes I was just so annoyed, because I thought I knew how it was going to go. BOY was I wrong. If you haven't watched it, don't for the love of god spoil yourself, just go watch it. I was floored. I was SO happy an anime like that was made.

12. Anime that should get more attention from others... Well, I really really want Kaleido Star to have an active fandom. I always go back to it. Yes, it's old by some standards and it shows, but it's such a rare gem. It was doing a lot of the key shonen/sports anime themes we see in newer shows too, in way that was really impactful to me as teen, and the most AMAZING part of it is that it has two female leads who have THAT dynamic, that shonen/sports anime partner dynamic, the soul connection, the completely shippable relationship with more depth than anything else in the show. I'm so sad how there's barely any fanfiction of Kaleido Star and most of it focuses on the comic relief compulsory straight relationship option, which is like... YOU KNOW. The cute character who can't stop chasing after the main character despite getting ignored every single time. Meanwhile, there's the obvious most impactful and meaningful person in the main character's life right there, they just happen to be the same gender, and yes they seem totally queer coded to me. (Ok fine, there's a more serious female-male relationship option too, but I swear the mc is so bi/pan coded.) Seriously, if you like borderline magical sports anime with larger than life partnership and a main character who wants to find unity and love and is willing to do anything to solve conflicts and achieve both a peaceful community based on the joy of the sport AND personal success at the same time without compromises, what the HELL are you doing not watching Kaleido Star??

22. Age I started watching anime... technically I was eight when I saw the first one that made me love anime, but I didn't become an obsessive anime watcher until I was 11, because I didn't have that many opportunities to watch it before that. I did watch all the card game anime that was on TV when I was younger, and Pokémon and Digimon, but it wasn't until I was 11-12 when people started really uploading anime on YouTube, which is how I gained access to much more of it. My English was still so-so, and I didn't understand half of the subtitles, but I still watched obsessively and slowly got better.

26. Manga you have read all the way through... Hmm, this doesn't make a lot of sense, since I was always primarily a manga reader as soon as I got my hands on it. So, it's more likely that I have read the manga but not watched the anime, though if I like something, I do both usually. Could the question mean a manga I read in one sitting, or something? I don't know, they vary so much in length that question doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either. But I did routinely read a LOT of manga in one sitting when I was in middle school and high school. Specifically shojo manga. I was an aroace autistic dork trying to navigate school life, so I read shojo manga obsessively because it was my way of learning how my friends think, what the world of girls is like, how the rules of relationships work and everything, without having to ask. (I read a lot of YA books too.) I wasn't that great at masking my differences until I was in high school, but I did always have a talent for absorbing people's perspectives and behavioural patterns, so... me reading all that material and always observing everyone around me and reflecting it through what I read, pretty much accidentally turned me into a relationship expert everyone was always asking advice from, despite of me having no romantic involvements myself. It was odd... Lol, what would everyone have thought, if they'd known where my perceived wisdom was coming from. It seems like such a joke now.

[breeding-like-rabbots]

Amy sounded happy with that “let me try making some sketches and we can figure out something you would like~!” she giggled cutely and began to sketch, it was impressive how quickly she could draw, after a few minutes she had made a few sketches, one was a cute schoolgirl outfit with a miniskirt and one was a cute see through Lacey dress, she also showed jack a sketch of some panties and bra with stockings and he couldn’t help but notice she had drawn the bulge in the panties “do you like any of these jack?”

Jack would shyly nod at Amy’s words and watched as she would start sketching and after the few minutes passed he saw what she had drawn for him, he blushed seeing the schoolgirl outfit and the see through lacy dress and panties and bra with the stockings. “I-I do like them, they look amazing.” He replied staring at them more as he answered.

[smoochesforghost]

.

[chasingpj]

𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫

pairing: leo valdez x child of iris!reader

requested?: yes!

translation: full of color

warnings: uhh, mentions of mental health and ?? maybe some typos lmao

category: headcanons, fluff, best friends to lovers

pre-relationship

though, leo saw you around camp often, you caught interest in him before he caught interest in you

i mean, he literally couldn't miss you because your outfits were always bright, whether it was a combination of colors or monochromatic

you and your siblings actually look like a rainbow threw up on you guys, and it's honestly iconic

no one at camp can not notice the children of iris, especially when they're in a herd

one day, you were sitting alone at a picnic table near the lake, and you found yourself drawing him in your sketchbook

you sketched a portrait of him while he spoke to piper at a table nearby

you've always found the floppy curls and how his brightest smiles always look a little manic to be adorable

when you sketched his portrait in your notebook, you didn’t intend for him ever to see it

until a couple of weeks later in the arts and crafts center, leo passed by and caught sight of a new project you were working on

he stopped in his tracks to compliment your drawing

since you were nowhere near done with it, you couldn’t admire the piece as much as he was

but his enthusiasm was so endearing

he politely asked if he could see more, and you didn’t hesitate to slide over your sketchbook

he noticed a lot of your drawings were scenery and people at camp; especially your siblings

he stumbled across a detailed sketch of a woman and her child sitting in a bus

“wow… who’s this?”

“oh, I don’t know. It was just a little girl I saw on the train with her mother.”

“so you just drew her?”

you never realized how weird your habit of drawing random people was until he had asked

you giggled nervously, quick to explain yourself, “I tend to draw people or things that I find beautiful. I wanted to capture how calm and happy she was with her child ‘cause at the time, I was stressed and angry. Watching and drawing her made me calm.”

leo nodded, a faint smile on his lips before looking back down at the drawing. “that’s really cool,” he complimented, and you shifted in your seat, suddenly shy.

And then it hit you

you were so willing to show leo all your works that you had completely forgotten that his portrait was in that book

your pulse thumped loud in your ears, mind racing to figure out a way to take away your sketchbook before he could see it

you ended up spending so long thinking of what to do that he arrived on the page in no time

right before he could see the drawing in its entirety, you slammed the book closed and snatched it

leo’s startled expression turned into a mischievous smirk

“was that me?”

you froze in your place; a squeaky sound escaped your throat in your embarrassment

leo’s brown eyes sparkled as he leaned into you, your gaze fixed on his, “y/n, you think I’m beautiful?”

AHHHH!

^^ that was you in your head btw

leo laughed, amused at your attempt to deny it

“then why did you snatch it away?” he raises an eyebrow before reaching over quickly to grab the sketchbook back

you didn't pull it out of his reach fast enough, leo getting a grip on one side

the two of you pull it back and forth, leo laughing at you as you continued to deny what he saw

though you were incredibly embarrassed, you couldn't contain the laughter bubbling in your chest

gods, of course, this would happen to me, you thought

he got it out of your grip, and you sighed in defeat, watching him flip to the page of him and piper

he was quiet, studying the picture for a second before giving you that playful smirk

“you think I’m beautiful?” he asked again

you playfully rolled your eyes, “it was more piper than you.”

your tone was sarcastic, only fueling leo’s banter with you

“oh really?” he chuckled to himself, “but i’m the only one colored in.”

you were silent at his observation before scoffing, “whatever.”

leo only laughed as you take the book away from him

“don’t you have somewhere to be, fire boy?” you asked and nudged his shoulder

the glint in your eyes made him smile, and he shrugged, “i guess i do. i'll see you around."

you nodded, too shy to do anything else, and he walked off

after that, leo took it upon himself to talk to you every day

leo teased you about the drawing all the time, and he found the way you would play along to be funny

before you both fell in love, you were close friends

you had such an optimistic point of view about life, and it was pretty contagious

somehow when leo was in the dumps about something, you always knew what to say

you were just so easy to talk to, and because of this, your friendship just grew naturally

your first kiss was towards the end of summer

leo invited you to hang out with him in bunker nine at, specifically, 6 pm

you teasingly asked if it was a date, and you remember the way he tensed up a bit

with a mumble, he asked, "what if it is?"

from the tone in his voice, you knew he wasn’t joking

in fact, his tone was hesitant, a part of him was expecting you to reject him

then the heavy pit in his stomach turned light when you smiled and said, "then I'm down."

the grin leo gave you made your heart flutter like crazy

your first date consisted of eating snacks and watching a movie on one of those portable DVD players

You picked up on the tension between you and him, and noticed the opportunities for a kiss kept passing

it was until Leo walked you to your cabin that night did you have a moment of boldness and asked, "so are you going to kiss me or?"

leo's eyes widen in surprise before his face broke out in the familiar smirk he gives when he flirts with you

you rolled your eyes playfully and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him into you

your first kiss was sweet and soft; a little awkward

his hands hovered over your sides for a second, not sure what to do with them until he decided to rest them on your waist

it was the perfect way to mark the beginning of your relationship

relationship

since you guys are both broke teenagers, you got creative with date nights

you came up with the idea of paint splattering with him

you guys got canvases, covered the walls and floors with plastic to make sure you didn't dirty them

then you filled water balloons with paint and just threw them

despite you guys singing and dancing around in the midst of it, the canvases came out so good

and to commemorate the beginning of your relationship, you hung them up side by side in bunker nine, and when you guys get a place together, you hang them up in the hallway of your apartment

leo is a huge gift giver; as i’ve said before in my “how he shows he loves you” headcanons

he’s made you a lot of things; canvases, jewelry, little trinkets with scrap metal

one of your favorite gifts from him is a suncatcher with rainbow quartz

you fell in love with it and when you move in together, you make sure to hang it up in the kitchen with the bunch of other suncatchers that he’s made you

i love the idea that you would attempt to bring more color in his wardrobe

a lot of his clothes are muted in color; you don’t mind it but you were interested to see what he’d look like in a colorful outfit like yours

To say the least, he was not that enthusiastic and maybe, you shouldn’t have put him in a monochromatic orange outfit but… you still thought he looked cute

leo thought he looked like a traffic cone though so it didn’t stick

it’s okay because you like him the way he is anyways

another thing is that you guys are super supportive of each other and leo loves just how you manage to lift his mood

once leo was having a bad mental health week

you guys were sitting under a tree, looking out at the water

his head laid on your shoulder and small sniffles came from the other

it hurt to see him like this and you wished you could do more to make him feel better

then you had the greatest idea to make a rainbow for him

so you did

leo was so stunned when he saw the rainbow form over the lake

he looked at you surprised and when you admitted to making the rainbow for him, the emotion on his face was indescribable

and then you laughed and held him when he started crying because he said it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him

another time, you insisted that meditation would be good for him

he literally sat down for like 3 minutes with his eyes closed before he was itching to get up and do something

even when he was sitting down, he was still bouncing his legs and fidgeting

so that fell through too but you still helped him in other ways and he’s so grateful for your optimism and bubbly personality

leo always says that you bring color to everything; literally and figuratively

one of the things you bring color to is his life

and he’s constantly reminding you of this; that his world just feels brighter now that you’re around

and it’s literal too

since you painted the walls of bunker nine a bright orange

he asked you why orange, and you told him because orange encourages productivity, creativity, and most importantly, optimism

it may have also reminded you of the orange outfit you put him into

anyways, you told him that it hurt you to see him get down in the dumps, and you insisted there was no way he could be sad in a bright orange room

needless to say, you were kinda right

masterlists taglist: @nct127bee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr @cartocns @slytherclaw-kitten @idk-bye-no @percysbluehairbrush @Hermioneswifeee @quteez @drayshadow @ashookykooky @anything-forourmoony @loverstyless @yelenabel0vaswife @ohmydamgods @jordannfields @amy-writes-blog @muted-mayham @dreamerball @earthtokace @thehighladyofday @lala-llama123 @tootsdoll @slytherindaughterofposeidon0 @black-rose-29 @somekidnamedkai @possiblylostchasecousin @hamdehlesmis @cami05sworld @does-anyone-hear-me @sol-the-salmon

if your username is bolded that means i can’t tag you ! you probably have your visibility settings on!

[fullsupersoniccircle]

shouldn’t be surprised that it only took me less than a week to start thinking up some sonic fic ideas, and each is so wildly opposite from the other

Boom!Universe sonadow, based solely off of seeing somebody say how Sonic and Shadow act like bitter exes to each other and my big brain went ‘WOOOOOOOOOOOOO’

then something with Movie!Sonic ending up in the Archie universe, idk man i just love the idea of Archie!Sonic getting to meet a version of himself that has a more stable life than he had growing up

this last one is nsfw bcs it’s Evil Dead. specifically the Musical version bcs why not

the Boom sonadow is really inspired by the Olivia Rodrigo song deja vu and my love of messy breakups and healing from them, sometimes that may be crying your eyes out or fighting your ex but then it’s followed up with intense reflection and shyly talking again and healing each other!!! understanding what went wrong and learning from mistakes!!!!

the Archie!Movie! idea could have a lot more to it, but again just like!! Archie!Sonic, older and figuring out things after Eggman finally stops his takeover bullshit and gets blindsided by young Movie!Sonic just appearing and through their interactions kinda gets a little bit of healing from getting to know what could have been had he not been a leading person behind a rebel group taking down a tyrant that constantly threatened them and their families. also this would be before the 2nd film and i love the idea of a young Sonic meeting an older Tails and seeing that dynamic explored

and then in stark STARK comparison to those two is just the Sonic characters getting inserted into a gorey, innuendo filled, catchy musical. it’s super easy to find the music and even some recordings of stage shows on youtube, and just understand it is meant to be pure and utter camp. the big downside of this is that i see this au as more visual than having a desire to write it, and it has been WAY too long since i attempted drawing any sonic characters lmao

anyways cast as follows

Ash-Sonic (leading man has to be the leading man yaknow? also everybody loves heaping a shit ton of trauma onto their fave characters!!!)

Linda-Amy (like, the most fitting character even sans being with Sonic, also super cute number between Ash and Linda before everything goes terribly wrong!)

Cheryl-Tails (feral Tails. that’s it that’s the explanatio)

Scotty-Knuckles (you could put Game or Boom Knux here either way would work)

Shelly-Rouge (one polygon titted)

Annie-Shadow (OKAY i could have Blaze here instead but listen. just fukciigng LISTEN SHADOW PROGRESSIVELY LOSING PIECES OF HIS OUTFIT??? SINGING ABOUT ALL THE MEN IN HIS LIFE BEING KILLED BY CANDARIAN DEMONS????? JUST LET ME HAVE THIS ONE)

Ed-Silver (listen my nervous bab just fits beautifully here, also when i was part of an Evil Dead production the guy who played Ed has big Silver energy)

Jake-Big (good ol reliable Big)

[shadamyheadcanons]

Shadow Sensations (1/5)

Shadow and Amy went out one night. She didn’t realize it was a date until he kissed her at the end. Now, it’s all she can think about. Contains strong language.

I tweaked some of Twinkle Park’s mechanics to make it safe and fiscally feasible. Also, this beautiful drawing by wizaria inspired Shadow’s jacket.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Cross-posted on AO3.

Amy put the final touches into fixing her quills, setting the last few into place and tying a dark green ribbon into place where she normally kept a headband. She smiled and stepped back to examine herself in the mirror. She posed at different cute angles and took in the flowy, knee-length green dress she wore, which she’d topped off with a pale pink jacket. She’d picked up a pair of chic dark green boots with Rouge last week, and they finished off the outfit perfectly. She twirled one last time and beamed. Who cares that it’s just a casual outing with a friend? If anyone thinks I’m going to pass up an opportunity to get a little dressed up, then they don’t know me.

Her happy thoughts were interrupted by the buzz of her phone. The text on her screen said, “I’m here. You ready?” She glanced at the time and grinned as she typed out a quick reply. Exactly on time, as always. Nothing beats a reliable man. Her face soured a little. Sonic could stand to learn a thing or two about that.

Amy scurried downstairs and stepped outside, yanking the door shut behind her and smiling brightly. “Hi, Shadow!”

A sincere smile broke through his solemn mask when he looked at her. “Hey, Amy. You look great.”

She hopped down off her porch steps and posed cutely. “Don’t I? I’m really proud of this outfit!”

He gave a brief nod in agreement as she approached. “You should be. You look really cute.”

Her face spread into a wide, grateful smile at his comment. She greeted him with a hug, and he held her close for a moment. He pulled away a bit, though he kept one arm wrapped around her as he reached behind himself to retrieve something from his motorcycle. He’s been so affectionate lately. It’s such a nice change from how awkward he felt about hugs when we first met.

“So...we could go the quick way and just Chaos Control there, orrr...” Shadow trailed off and held up a spare helmet. Her eyes sparkled. “If you’re up to it, that is.”

The mischief in his eyes and tone thrilled her. She snatched the helmet out of his hands and hurriedly put it on. “Oh, I’m up to it, alright!”

At her enthusiasm, his lips quirked a little higher, like he was trying to hold something in. He looked away. “You’re too cute.” He’d been doing that smile a lot recently. Amy didn’t know what it was, but she knew she liked it, and she was always up for being called cute. She giggled as he shifted the helmet a bit to fix it on her head.

He backed up a step and nodded. “Good.” He sat down on his motorcycle, then looked over his shoulder for her to do the same. Once she was about to swing her leg over, he immediately turned back around. She wasn’t sure why he did so until she remembered she was wearing a dress. She hid a giggle. What a gentleman.

Once she was settled in, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. “Ready!”

She thought she heard a chuckle as the engine roared to life. “Hold on tight,” he warned, his red eyes meeting hers.

“Don’t worry, I know.” She still shuffled a little closer and held him more tightly at his words, and he nodded before turning forward and easing onto the gas.

Amy’s heart started pumping louder, anticipating the moment when he’d really step on it. This was hardly the first time Shadow had taken her for a ride, but the thrill never wore off. After just one ride on his motorcycle, she instantly understood why he’d take the extra time and use this over Chaos Control. They reached the main road, and she squeaked in excitement as they sped up. She gripped at the jacket he was wearing and rested her cheek against his shoulder. The lively autumn scenery whizzed by, vibrant in the afternoon sun.

Amy’s other friends hadn’t approved of her going for a ride with Shadow the first time. They were short a seat for carpooling, so she’d offered to ride with him to solve the problem. She’d expected Cream and Blaze to be apprehensive, but nearly everyone seemed to have a problem with it. Sonic and Knuckles had been the worst. Between Shadow’s maxed-out reflexes, access to Chaos Control in a pinch, and the helmet in her hands, Amy hadn’t seen a reason to worry, but the others disagreed. After a fair bit of bickering, she finally shut them down and made the decision herself, walking away from them to join Shadow and plop the helmet onto her head. She smiled, still remembering how powerful she’d felt stepping onto it with him and bragging later at how it was the most exciting activity she could remember doing. She still suspected not all of them liked it, but no one dared to say anything anymore. She liked it, Shadow liked it, and that was all that mattered to her.

Shadow let up on the gas as they entered the city. He’d said there were times when he was impatient enough to weave in and out of traffic, but he never did it when she was riding with him. That was fine with her. It left her time to relax and rest her face against his back. Shadow’s always so warm. I wish I could be this warm. Her nose twitched at the strong leather scent coming off of his jacket. She pulled her head away just a little and frowned at in curiosity. A small tag poked out from the inner collar, answering her question. She snorted just a little. Shadow glanced back slightly, so she squeezed a bit tighter to reassure him.

Shadow pulled to a stop in the parking lot and stood up. He extended a hand to help her do so, and she happily accepted it. “Thanks, Shadow!” She looked him up and down to give the jacket a closer look while he took the helmet back. It was leather on the outside with soft red and black plaid on the inside. It matched him perfectly, both in color and in style—cool on the outside, soft on the inside. “You got a little dressed up for this, didn’t you?”

He scoffed, but he stood a little taller. “Couldn’t let you completely blow me out of the water.”

“Sooo...is this brand new, by any chance?”

She could tell by the look on his face that she’d caught him. He didn’t even try to lie about it. “How could you tell?”

His narrowed eyes didn’t faze her. She stepped closer and reached a hand into the soft black hood to tug at the price tag attached to it. He turned his head far enough to get a good look at the tag and loop his own fingers into it, brushing against Amy’s in the process. His eyes widened at his mistake, and he swiftly yanked the tag out and pocketed it with his other hand. “You saw nothing.”

Amy squinted a little. Is he...blushing? She grinned and poked his cheek, laughing when he pouted and averted his gaze. He’s so unintentionally cute sometimes. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. It really suits you!”

He peeked back at her. “Yeah?” She smiled wider, nodding. His face softened, and a smirk replaced the pout. “If you think so, I’ll have to wear it more often.”

With that said, Amy looked past him to the gates of Twinkle Park. Just from the entrance, she could tell it had grown exponentially. The size and grandeur had multiplied in scale. Giant Flickies flanked the sides of the entrance, and a festive, colorful wall ten feet high had been built around it. Her jaw dropped.

Shadow started walking with her to the park. “You look surprised. You said you’ve been here before, right?”

Amy closed her mouth. She lifted her shoulders, feeling somewhat humbled. “Well, yeah...seven years ago! I knew they were doing some renovations, but I haven’t had the chance to stop by since then...and I couldn’t even properly enjoy it last time because I got lost and had to protect a baby bird while a giant robot stalked me through the attractions, destroying everything in its path...” She looked back at Shadow to see his face was caught somewhere between concern, bewilderment, and admiration. She burst out laughing. “I guess you had to be there!”

While she was busy letting out the last of her laughs, a detail caught her eye. She walked closer to the Flicky statues to see that one of them was wearing something around its neck. No way...it looks like a Chaos Emerald! How in the world could they have known— “Shadow, look, it’s—!” She looked to her right where he’d been, only to find him absent. Confusion and concern flooded through her as she looked around. “Shadow? Where are—”

“Right here.” Amy flinched and whirled around to find him right behind her. There was a hint of smugness in his voice.

She let out a sigh of relief. “You and your damn speed. You scared me!”

She was interrupted in her scolding when she felt Shadow take her hand and knot a strip of paper around her wrist, the kind of paper that stuck around so you could enter and leave an amusement park without being charged multiple times.

Amy frowned. “Wait...”

Shadow let go of her hand and fiddled with his own bracelet. His eyes widened in mock innocence. “What’s wrong?” His lips quirked into a slight smile, giving him away.

Amy put her hands on her hips and wrinkled her nose. “You just bought us tickets, didn’t you?! I already owe you for gas money!”

“Eh.” He waved a hand dismissively and approached the gates with a disgruntled Amy in tow. “Motorcycles don’t use much gas, and I got us in for half price.”

Amy side-eyed him again. “And how’d you do that, Shadow?”

“Wellll...” He shrugged. “It’s half price for ‘cute couples,’ so...I may or may not have said you were my girlfriend.” He smirked at her out of the corner of his eye.

Amy’s jaw dropped, and she tried her best to look disapproving. “You...that’s totally cheating!”

He shrugged. “Barely. Unless you’re implying we’re not cute.”

She opened up her mouth, then closed it again. This repeated until she stuttered out, “That’s...no, I mean...that’s not the problem! That’s...”

“Amy Rose doesn’t think I’m cute? Oof!” Shadow sucked in air through his teeth. “I don’t know if I can recover. So heartless.” He laughed hoarsely as she struggled to respond.

“You—!” Amy sighed and gave up. She swiftly linked her arm with his, latching onto him insistently. “You’re not running off by yourself again. I don’t want you pulling any more shenanigans.”

He laughed under his breath again. “No complaints here.”

“Hmph.” The humans working the gates stole glances at the two of them as they “cheated” their way past the gates. The attendants smiled and giggled as the two walked past, arm-in-arm, and Amy mentally cringed as she realized she’d only contributed to the ruse. Humans sometimes spat hurtful things about Shadow, claiming he was “evil” or “suspicious.” Amy had never believed one word of that, but moments like these always reminded her that Shadow definitely had a dark side—not evil, just mischievous, in a way that toed the line without really hurting anyone. She felt she did a good job of not openly condoning it, but...it definitely didn’t inspire disapproval in her the way it probably should have. Much like the excitement of riding on the back of his motorcycle, times like these scratched her adventurous, less-than-virtuous itch in a way that spending time with others never did. There’s no one quite like Shadow... She glanced up to see he was still giving her a devious look, and she turned away, trying to act like she didn’t enjoy the feeling. Not that I’ll ever tell him that.

Amy unfolded the map she’d picked up by the entrance. “Anywhere you want to go first, Shadow?”

He crossed his arms. “Hmph. Wouldn’t be an amusement park experience without the rollercoaster, would it?”

She perked up. “Well, sure, but I think the rollercoaster here is a little different. You’ve gotta earn it.”

“Oh?” he prompted, interest piqued.

Amy lifted the map and pointed to the rollercoaster. “See how it’s linked to the bumper cars? The line for the rollercoaster used to get super long, so they set it up so you have to bump enough cars within a set time to earn a place for the rollercoaster. It controls wait times and gives you something to do in the meantime! Isn’t that awesome?”

Her enthusiasm proved to be contagious, as his face morphed from intrigued to excited. “Definitely! What happens if you don’t hit enough cars, though?”

Amy folded the map and put it away. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t plan to find out. Don’t make me wait too long, okay?” She winked and started stretching her leg muscles.

Shadow’s eyes went wide, and he scoffed at the challenge. “You, wait for me? That’s how it’s going to go?” He smirked and stretched a bit himself.

“I let loose at amusement parks. Do your best to keep up.” Her smile was teasing and cheery. She lowered herself into a starting position.

“‘Letting loose,’ Amy?” Shadow mirrored her pose. “I’ve been looking for someone who’s on my level for a long time. Maybe it’s you.” Both of them smirked, and they took off like a shot, skidding to a stop at the bumper cars on the other end of the park only a few seconds later.

The two settled into line, not even panting at the brief run. Amy set aside her competitive energy for a while to ask, “So what made you invite me here, Shadow?”

Shadow scratched his chin. “Well, we’ve been spending a lot of time together recently, and I think it’s been...nice. Don’t you?” He glanced down at her, looking a little bashful.

Amy smiled and nodded. She thought back to the last couple of months. They’d been going for runs together lately. Their Chao loved to play together, so they were always spending time at each other’s homes. They got along great with each other’s friends, and it was relaxing to spend time with someone as low-key and nonjudgmental as Shadow. “Yeah. I’ve been having a lot of fun, too!”

“Good.” A relaxed smile graced his features. “I thought an amusement park might be right up your alley, and it has the right atmosphere.”

She smiled, looking around at all the happy people and colorful sights. “You’ve got me pegged. I can never be sad in an amusement park. They’re just fun incarnate, aren’t they?”

Amy thought she heard a quiet chuckle from Shadow’s direction. “Kind of like you.”

She gawked, feeling her cheeks turn pink at the flattery. He hadn’t looked down as he said it. She lightly punched his arm to make him flinch and look back at her. He was still smiling. “You can’t just say things like that! Are you trying to embarrass me?”

He shrugged. “I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.” Amy shook her head in disapproval, but they both kept smiling.

Soon enough, it was their turn for the bumper cars. She had to admit Shadow was pretty good, but no one could compete with Amy Rose when it came to arbitrary aggression. She earned her points quickly enough to pose dramatically near the exit before he got there, purposely letting out an exaggerated yawn and pretending to check her phone out of boredom to tease him. “Finally made it, huh? I hope we have enough time to ride the rollercoaster. What time does the park close again?”

“Oh, ha, ha,” he laughed sarcastically. He shrugged. “I had to take it easy. There were kids in some of those bumper cars. You know.”

Amy shook her head. “NOPE! No mercy. If you step into a bumper car, you’d better be ready to rumble.” She balled her right hand into a fist and punched her left palm.

He laughed a little at her determination and started walking toward the rollercoaster with her. “I couldn’t see the rollercoaster from the outside. Wonder what it’s like.”

She smiled a little as she walked. “Welll...if it’s anything like I remember, it’s pretty...unique.”

“THAT WASN’T HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT ALL!”

Shadow laughed and placed a hand on Amy’s shoulder as they stepped off the rollercoaster and walked out. “It’s okay, Amy. Let’s just—”

“It used to be different, I swear! You drove them, and there were boosts, and collecting rings made you go faster, there was a loop you drove through, and there were ramps that launched you high in the air—”

Shadow looked at her skeptically. “That sounds dangerous.”

Amy huffed. “And then a spring launched you into the railed part we just went through, and...yeah.” She let out an exhausted breath. “I guess that does sound like a lawsuit waiting to happen. They must have changed it.” She collapsed down on a bench and sighed. Shadow joined her. She couldn’t tell whether or not he believed her, so she just regarded him with an unimpressed gaze. “You sure look happy.”

He folded his arms behind his head and leaned back. “Of course I’m happy. I get to spend time with you.”

She scoffed at the flattery. “Yeah, yeah.” She grinned and fished out the map. “Where should we go next?”

“Since the rollercoaster wasn’t quite what you were expecting, why don’t you pick next?”

Amy pursed her lips and perused her options. “How about...the Tilt-a-Whirl? It’s right over there anyway. Do you get queasy on spinning rides, Shadow?”

He crossed his arms. “Hmph. As if they’d give the Ultimate Life Form a weak stomach.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes, then stood up. “A simple ‘no’ would have been fine...but it’s good to hear.” She smiled down at him and reached out a hand. He took it, and she pulled him up and started dragging him by the hand to the Tilt-a-Whirl. “Wow, the line’s super short, too!” She glanced back to see he had a weird, dreamy expression. She cocked her head in confusion. “Come on, Shadow, I thought you were supposed to keep up with me!”

He snapped out of it and jogged to keep pace with her. “Of course.”

Shadow and Amy laughed breathlessly as they left the Tilt-a-Whirl. She grabbed his shoulder to anchor herself. “Did you see the looks on those poor wolves’ faces when we kept spinning it faster?! God, I feel kind of bad!”

His laughs were hoarse and sincere. “I don’t. That was too much fun.”

Amy giggled and stopped to take a breather. “This is so great! I have to go to the bathroom, though. You want to pick the next ride?” she asked, handing him the map.

He took it and nodded. “I’ll meet you at that bench,” he said, cocking his head toward an open seat.

She grinned and dashed off.

Amy left the bathroom and looked back to the bench. She grumbled and ran over, then stood over Shadow, arms crossed. “What, exactly, is that?”

Shadow innocently looked back and forth between her and the treat a few times. “Uh...cotton candy?”

She grumbled again and slumped down next to him. “I leave for two minutes, and you’re already adding to my tab. I knew I shouldn’t have let go of you!”

He shrugged one shoulder and half-smiled at her. “While I wouldn’t have minded that, it’s not the way I see it. I’ve heard you say you like cotton candy, so I got some for you. I thought you’d like it.”

She looked between the pink dessert and her friend, then reluctantly took it. “Alright...but don’t go buying so many things. My bakery job doesn’t pay as well as G.U.N. does, you know.” She took a bite and had to resist the urge to gush about how delicious it was. He definitely doesn’t need more encouragement.

He looked more confused than ever. “You know I don’t expect you to pay me back for any of this, right? It’s a gift.” He scratched his chin and looked off into space. “I’d assumed you were the traditional type, and I’m the one who asked you, so...”

Amy wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but there were more pressing matters. “Hang on...you didn’t get one for yourself! Do you not like cotton candy?”

Shadow turned his attention back to her. “Wouldn’t know. I’ve never tried it.”

Amy gasped and immediately pulled off a piece. She held it up for him. “Here. Try some.”

He looked at her for a moment, expression neutral. She impatiently held it up higher to prompt him. She caught a spark of mischief in his eyes before he dove in and grabbed it with his mouth.

Her eyes bugged out a little. Did not expect him to eat it right out of my hand. Shadow’s full of surprises today, isn’t he? He held the cotton candy in his mouth for a moment, then swallowed it contemplatively. He didn’t speak for a moment. “Welllll...?”

He nodded and shrugged. “It’s alright. Not my favorite.”

“It’s definitely not for everyone. It’s super sweet.” She took another bite.

“No, it’s the texture. I love sweet things,” he explained.

Amy tilted her head. “Really? I wouldn’t have guessed that.”

She took another bite, accidentally getting too much and frowning as she struggled to eat it. He chuckled. “Of course I love sweet things. Why do you think I like you so much?”

He poked her nose playfully. She stopped eating to go cross-eyed at her nose, then stared at him in confusion. She swallowed and giggled a bit. “You’re awfully silly today, you know that?”

His expression was full of more humor than she thought the comment warranted. “I’m in a good mood.”

Not for the first time that night, Amy thought she was missing something, but they were both having a good time, so she decided it wasn’t a problem.

Shadow brought her to the Scrambler next. Amy perked up when she saw it. When the attendant let them in, Amy grabbed onto Shadow’s arm and excitedly whispered, “I’ve never been on one of these! I can’t wait!”

Shadow grinned at her demeanor. “In that case, I should tell you that you should sit...there,” he advised, pointing to the inside of the pod. “I’ll sit on the outside.”

She squinted at him. “Are you saying I can’t handle it or something?”

“Oh, no. You’re just lighter than I am.” Shadow shook his head and gently took hold of her upper arms to shift her to the inside. “It’s physics, not courage.”

Amy wasn’t sure what he meant until the ride started moving. It spun slowly at first, but as it sped up, the motion pulled her toward the outside of the ride, making her slide right into Shadow. At first, she squealed in embarrassment and tried to hold onto the bar to pull herself back to her side, but it was a futile effort. She spent the bulk of the next few minutes pressed against Shadow’s body. He didn’t seem to mind. In terms of people she could be stuck in this situation with, she had to admit Shadow wasn’t a bad choice. He was warm as always, and her face was pressed into the soft lining of his jacket. She could feel him laugh a little, and she counted herself lucky that he’d insisted on taking the outside. This was definitely preferable to the inverse.

The ride was actually very enjoyable once she got used to their proximity, and she was a little sad when it ended. She resolved to try rides like this whenever she came across them in the future, though she made a mental note to choose her riding partner carefully.

The two of them flitted around the park for the next couple of hours, checking off every ride they could along the way. From the pirate ship to the drop tower to the Matterhorn, they didn’t shy away from anything. Amy was practically skipping by the end of it.

Shadow noticed the spring in her step. “So I take it you’re enjoying yourself?”

Amy returned his genuine smile with one of her own. “I love it! It’s so nice!”

He gave her a sideways glance. “But you’ve been to other amusement parks, right? Not this one recently, but...”

Amy shook her head. “It’s not just the amusement park, silly. I like being here with you!” His mouth dropped open just a bit, and she giggled. “Whenever I go to an amusement park with Cream or Blaze, I always have to skip rides because Cream gets sick from spinning and Blaze is afraid of heights. It’s so great not to have to hold back!”

She clenched her fists in excitement and looked up at him with stars in her eyes. Shadow’s eyes widened before his expression softened. “I know how you feel. I’m glad you agreed to spend the day with me.”

“Psh. Of course. Anytime.” She waved her hand dismissively, barely registering the way his eyes lit up. “We’re a great match, don’t you think?”

For reasons that escaped her, he looked happier than he had all day. He gave the same overwhelmed, mysterious smile he had earlier. “I’ve thought that for a long time.”

Past his radiant smile, Amy noticed something behind him. He caught the look and followed her gaze. “Say...” He turned around and smirked. “Before we go...do you like Ferris wheels, by any chance?”

She shrugged noncommittedly. “I don’t know. I’ve never been on one.”

His crimson eyes narrowed, suddenly turning unexpectedly intense. “No one’s ever ridden a Ferris wheel with you?”

Amy looked away, staring at nothing as memories—some old, others fresh—flooded her mind.

“Sonic, Sonic! There’s a Ferris wheel! Let’s go!” “Ferris wheel?! No way!” “Wait, Sonic, don’t run away!”

“Sonic, let’s go on the Ferris wheel together! It’ll be fun!” “Uh...s-sorry, Amy, I have, uh...I GOTTA PEE! Maybe some other time!”

“Sonic, do you want to ride the Ferris wheel with me?” “Ah...sorry, Ames, but I promised Sally I’d go with her, so...” “Oh...ok.”

“...Amy?”

Amy snapped out of her trance to see Shadow’s kind eyes looking at her with concern. She looked down to see she was holding herself and shaking a little. She swallowed and clasped her hands behind her back. She sniffled and looked back up at him with a brave smile. “Ah...no. No one’s ever wanted to.”

Shadow looked hurt for a few seconds, but his face swiftly turned determined. “Well, someone wants to now. Let’s go.”

He took her hand in his and pulled her toward the Ferris wheel. She stumbled after him. “But—hey! That’s—”

Amy knew Shadow well enough to know that once he was this determined, he’d stop at nothing to accomplish his goal. She sighed and allowed him to do as he pleased. Well...it’s not like I’ll hate it. Shadow’s good company.

Even once they were in line, Shadow kept holding her hand. She fidgeted a little. His face was set in the scowl he showed whenever he felt the need to amend what he felt was an injustice of cosmic proportions. All this fuss, just because I’ve never ridden an amusement park ride...?

Before she knew it, they’d reached the front of the line. Shadow stepped into the cabin first, and then he helped Amy do the same. As soon as she did, the cabin creaked and swayed unexpectedly. She immediately flailed and grabbed onto the nearest stable thing she could find, which happened to be Shadow’s shoulders. Her muscles tensed at the movement beneath her.

Shadow quickly reached out to hold her. “Whoa, there. You okay?” There was amusement in his voice. She let out a deep breath as he gently lowered her to sit on the bench next to him. The cabin creaked and rocked again when she did so, and her hands latched onto the bench beneath her. Her nails pressed against the cold metal as she stared off into space.

She jumped as a gentle hand pressed into her shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?”

She looked up at him, took a deep breath, and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be okay.”

The ride started moving, and the concern didn’t leave his face. She was sure he could see the way her fingers tightened further around the bench. She coped alright until the ride stopped again to let the next pair on. The sudden halt made the cabin swing all over again, and she yelped and shrank into herself. Her heart pounded in her ears. Something about the rusty sound and the lack of control over its erratic swaying made discomfort and fear clench at her heart.

Next to her, Shadow shifted closer as carefully as possible to avoid rocking the cabin further. “It’s okay. You’ll be alright,” he whispered.

Without thinking, Amy leaned into his warmth, feeling a little better when she did so. The ride moved slowly and intermittently, offering little respite from the unnerving feeling. The only relief that came was when Shadow wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer, adding some comfort and security. She buried her face against his jacket and grasped at it with her fingers. Her breathing slowed a little bit as he whispered calming words in her ear as best he could, words about strict modern safety regulations and statistics. It didn’t do too much to quell her panic, but it was better than nothing.

At last, the ride was loaded, and the wheel increased in speed. Even with the acceleration, though, it still felt better. The motion was smooth and consistent, decreasing the unpredictable, unsteady motions of the cabin. Amy looked up from Shadow’s chest, distantly noticing the way the twilight’s orange glow reflected off of the park, the city, and the ocean surrounding Emerald Coast. She probably would have thought it was beautiful under any other circumstances. She didn’t let go of Shadow, though, and he didn’t let go of her, either.

She let out a deep breath and bitterly muttered, “Of all the rides to be afraid of...”

“Hm.” Shadow’s tone was thoughtful, not amused, for which Amy was grateful. “Well, everyone has their limits, and I guess this is yours. You’re not the first to be afr—” He paused to choose his words more carefully. “You’re not the only one to dislike Ferris wheels. It happens.”

She looked up at his face, finding nothing but empathy and concern. “Really?”

“It’s the way these things shake, isn’t it?” he guessed, nodding at the floor of the cabin. She nodded. “I can see that. Plus, plenty of people don’t like heights. I bet a lot of people just avoid them and don’t say anything about it. It’s not the end of the world.”

Amy cringed at another unexpected sway, but she nodded up at him with a tight smile. “You’re probably right. Thanks, Shadow.” Mentally, she considered that it was probably for the best that Shadow was the first—and probably the only—one to ride a Ferris wheel with her. She’d have been mortified if Sonic saw her like this, and not everyone would be this sympathetic about it.

Between the motorcycle ride, the Scrambler, and the Ferris wheel, Amy was getting awfully accustomed to being close to Shadow. It wouldn’t have been odd in most cases, as Amy was unusually affectionate with all of her friends. She’d carried Cream to bed when she fell asleep as a kid more times than she could count. Amy was on the short list of people Blaze trusted with a hug. She held Tails’ hands whenever he flew her anywhere and occasionally hugged him when he did something particularly cute—and honestly, who wouldn’t? She hugged Knuckles after his long stints at Angel Island, and she held Sally like her own sister when she and Sonic had their harsh breakup, even cuddling with her when they both missed him, and with Sonic, she...well, that one was complicated, but still...

None of them were quite like Shadow. The chill that had crept in with the early evening was no match for his body heat around her. His soft, gentle hold was reminiscent of the way he always treated her, exactly the opposite of how outsiders thought he was. There was no impatience or restlessness. Hell, he even smelled nice. Like...REALLY nice. I NEED to know where he buys this cologne. He squeezed her a little tighter with care and concern.

It was becoming abundantly clear to Amy that Shadow was her favorite person to share physical contact with, and she had no idea what to do with that information.

It was almost a relief when the movement of the wheel snapped her out of her strange thoughts. Almost. She jumped, and he whispered a few more words of comfort as the slow process of emptying the ride began.

Then, he suddenly stopped for a moment. “Shit...why the hell didn’t I think of that before?!” Before Amy could ask what he meant, Shadow slid his hands under her knees and back. She barely had time to yelp before he said, “Chaos...control!”

With a flash of green light and the yank of teleportation, he pulled her out of the fearful situation and landed safely away from the ride. She hesitantly opened her eyes to find herself in his arms. He let out a deep breath and shook his head, then locked eyes with her. “I am so sorry. I should have done that immediately, I just didn’t think of it!”

She laughed breathlessly and buried her face in his chest. “Thank God I rode it with you! I’m glad you thought to do that at all, because I sure didn’t!”

He laughed awkwardly. “What do you say we get going? I think we’ve seen what we need to see here.”

“And more!” They laughed loudly enough to startle and confuse the guests around them. Shadow started walking to the exit, and as people continued staring at them, Amy realized the problem. She giggled. “I think I can walk from here.”

He half-smiled. “Sure thing.”

He lowered her carefully to the ground. Maybe it was her imagination, but he felt almost...hesitant to let go of her. Well...that makes two of us. She frowned and tried not to think about it.

Before they left, Shadow insisted on waiting around a bit for her muscles to stop shaking from the anxiety. He encouraged her to sit on the bike while he stood and chatted with her about the day, joking that the attendant at the Ferris wheel was in for a confusing surprise when he saw their empty cabin. Combined with the relaxing ride home, it made for a nice conclusion to the day. He drove more slowly on the way back. It sure is responsible of him to take his time now that it’s dark. What a caring friend!

Shadow pulled to a gradual stop in her driveway, and they dismounted his motorcycle. She returned his helmet and clasped her hands behind her back. She grinned brightly. “This was super fun, Shadow. Thanks for inviting me! We need to do this again sometime!”

He stepped closer and smiled back, expression soft. “Definitely. I’m glad I got to spend the evening with you.”

As part of her usual friendly goodbye, Amy closed the distance between them and pulled him into an embrace. Amy held onto him longer than she typically did. She told herself it was out of happiness and energy, not because of how nice it felt. “Thank you, Shadow.”

She felt him chuckle a bit before pulling back a little. Then, he slid a hand onto her cheek, and her eyes widened in confusion. She grew even more perplexed when he glanced down at her lips and closed his intense red eyes. He leaned in slowly but surely, and then his lips were pressed to hers, warm and soft. Her heart pounded when he gently pushed his lips a bit more firmly against hers and pulled her closer.

She froze, neither pulling away, nor reacting to his tender touches. Her breaths turned shallow. After a few seconds, the welcoming warmth of his lips retreated. He pressed their foreheads together and opened his hazy, passionate eyes, and she felt him pant softly against her lips. His lips had curled into a smile, but the look made way for concern at her bewildered expression.

Panic finally set in for Amy. Her hands latched onto his shoulders, and she firmly pushed him away. “...UM!” Her voice came out high-pitched and squeaky.

He immediately let go of her. “Sorry...was that too fast?”

Her breathing grew more rapid. “N-no—I mean! Wh-what was...I...why did you kiss me?”

He hunched his shoulders and took a step back. “...Because...we just got back from a really nice date, and I like you a lot, so...I just thought...” He scratched the back of his head, looking hurt.

Her pulse raced, and she grasped at her chest. “Wait...that was a date?!”

His eyes widened, and he plunged his hands into his pockets. “Uh...y-yeah? I asked you out, you said yes, I brought you there, got us tickets, and said we were a couple...you held onto me, and we held hands...we rode the Ferris wheel together...” He looked down and kicked at a rock on her driveway. “Well...that part didn’t go so well, but you kept hugging me. So. I just...I figured...” He peeked up at her, looking uncomfortable.

Amy’s hands were clenched in front of her chest. “I didn’t...I really didn’t think...” She looked up at him, sympathy flooding her at his obvious pain. “I’m so sorry. No one’s ever asked me out before, so I just didn’t...get it...” She dropped her hands and clasped them in front of her. “I really did have a good time! You didn’t do anything wrong, it just didn’t even occur to me...”

“It’s fine. I—” He looked away. “I should get going.”

Amy’s shoulders lifted, and she looked down. “Ok.”

She waited as he uncomfortably kicked his toes against her driveway again, still not making eye contact. After a while, she realized he was waiting to make sure she got into her house alright, not forgetting his manners even at a time like this. She bit her lip and headed toward the door. She unlocked it and paused to say, “Drive safely, okay?”

He looked up and nodded, and she sighed and entered her house. She remained by the door and watched him drive away. Once he was out of sight, she turned around and slid down to sit and lean against the door. She hugged her knees, and then hot tears sprang from her eyes—for her or for Shadow, she didn’t know. She picked up her phone and typed out a text.

Hey, Cream, are you and Blaze still having that sleepover that I said I couldn’t go to because I had plans?

After a moment, Cream’s response popped up.

Yeah! Did your plans fall through? :(

Amy winced.

It’s complicated.

Rottenoodles drew some cute fanart for this chapter!

Next >

[bisexualskeletonsinmycloset]

Chewtoy

Chapter 6- Cocktails

“Have you started dating after your break-up?” asked The Enchantress’s mom sympathetically. “Do you still like him?”

“Ugh Mom, the break-up was mutual. I’m not still pining after him like a love sick puppy,” The Enchantress rolled her eyes. “And I don’t want to date.”

“Have you tried a dating app? All you kids are on it!” mom perked up.

“Mom I’m thirty-two, hardly a kid,” laughed The Enchantress. “But I’ll make myself a profile if it makes you happy.”

Mom excitedly patted on the couch beside her, gesturing for The Enchantress to sit. “It’s been a while since we did anything together. Let’s do it! We’ll find a perfect gentleman for you.” “Or lady,” mom added quickly with a smile.

Her mom’s excitement was contagious and soon they were poring over her phone picking out flattering pictures she could use. The Enchantress had to admit it would be a nice diversion.  

***

Back at her own place, The Enchantress lay sprawled out on her bed on her tummy, her legs kicking in the air. Half-heartedly, she swiped left on a bunch of profiles making unimpressed noises. A couple noncommittal swipes to the right that were ‘maybe worth a one-night stand’. And then her breath was knocked out of her as she stared at one unmistakably familiar face. She hadn’t expected to see her again. Not after all those years.

Tears welled up in her eyes as the same cocky grin greeted her. Only, her cropped hair now had streaks of blue in it. Her finger hovered over her phone, unsure. A tear plopped down on her screen. In her haste to wipe it off, she accidently swiped right.

She sighed. Elisa had been the first, and so far, the only person she had been in love with. Though she had never admitted that to her. They had mutually decided that they would sever ties after the 12th grade, each going her own way. Love would only complicate matters.

Elisa was to be a pilot and The Enchantress, an engineer. In way she was glad they hadn’t kept in touch. Her parents couldn’t afford to put her through college. And I was too stupid to get a scholarship, she thought bitterly. Her concerned parents had offered to take a loan to pay for their daughter’s dreams. Her pride wouldn’t let them. Plastering on a fake smile, she had taken a course in journalism, insisting that writing had been her calling all along.

***

“What do you think, Chewtoy? She’s cute, isn’t she?” X was snuggling with Chewtoy on her bed, enthusiastically swiping through profiles.

“She said hi! Chewtoy! What do I say?”

X flirted with the latest girl who had caught her eye, the fact that she signed up on the dating app to find The Enchantress completely slipped her mind.

Stretching, she lazily got out of bed. “Guess who has a date tonight at G-spot, Chewtoy! That’s right. Yours truly. Now what do I wear?”

***

Tentatively, The Enchantress texted her a ‘Hi’. She didn’t know what to expect. She might not even recognise her.

She replied immediately.

“I’d pass you a note instead, but we’ll have to make do with this 😉”

“It is you, isn’t it?”

The Enchantress felt a not unpleasant jolt to her abdomen and replied, “It is. What have you been doing with yourself?”

“Never mind that, I’ll tell you what I’ll do with you”

“And what might that be? 😉”

“I’ll take you out for drinks and we’ll catch up on each other”

“Though we won’t be doing a whole lot of catching up 😉”

“We never did talk much, did we? (: ”

“We just had better things to do with our tongues”

“And what would we do then?”

“I’ll tease you under the table with my hand”

“Slide it under the gorgeous dress you’ll be wearing”

“Gently stroke your inner thighs as I go higher”

“And rub your clit through your panties when the waiter’s at the table”

The Enchantress felt her cheeks flush. Ignoring the tingling between her legs, she asked, “Where do we meet up?”

“G-spot”

“Is 7 fine?”

“Sure 😉”

***

X threw open her closet and considered her options. “What’s a good first date outfit, Chewtoy?”

She settled on black skinny jeans with a plaid shirt. Throwing on her outfit, she checked herself in her mirror. Unbuttoning a couple more buttons on her shirt, she winked at herself. “That ought to do it.”

“Bye Chewtoy. Be good ok? Don’t wait up for me,” she said and clicked her front door shut.

***

The Enchantress surveyed her room, taking in the mess she’d made. She had pulled out all her dresses and laid them on her bed and then had gone through her jewellery, tossing pieces that could work on the bed. Then she’d upturned her lingerie drawer in a pile to add to the chaos. It has to be perfect, right down to my panties, she thought. She had never put in this much effort for anyone.

After painstakingly sorting through the heap, The Enchantress decided on an embellished dress with cut outs. She shook out her red curls and popped on a cocktail ring. After fussing with her hair for a bit, she decided she was good to go and headed for the door.

***

The Enchantress found Elisa in a corner of the crowded club. Taking in a few deep breaths, she forced a confident smile on her lips and walked up to her. Elisa caught her eye, a smile breaking out on her face. Giving her a tight hug, she said, “You’re even more stunning than you used to be.”

“I can say the same about you,” smiled The Enchantress, sitting down beside her. “A couple more piercings since the last time I saw you and you’ve got blue hair now.”

A waiter interrupted them, handing them their menus. “I’ve only gotten my ears pierced. What about you? Any piercings hidden away?” she smirked, blatantly staring at her breasts.

The Enchantress crossed her arms over her chest. “No nipple rings if that’s what you’re getting at. What have you been up to? It’s been…”

“Fourteen years,” completed Elisa softly. “I didn’t become a pilot, you know. I’m just a boring old manager.”

Feeling validated, The Enchantress admitted, “And I’m not an engineer. I… write articles for newspapers and magazines.”

“Still more interesting than what I do. We shouldn’t have cut ties,” Elisa said, draping an arm around The Enchantress.

“You regret it too?” The Enchantress hadn’t expected that. “Well never mind that, you’re here now.”

Elisa smirked in reply.

***

X found her date sitting at the bar. Sliding into the stool beside her she said, “Amy?”

The girl turned around, eyes lighting up. “Hi! I looked you up while I was waiting,” she said, her grin widening.

“Wait, what?” asked X alarmed.

“You’re X, aren’t you? You didn’t tell me that! You catch big bad criminals,” she pouted.

“Erm,” X tried to veer the conversation elsewhere. “What would you like to drink?” This doesn’t look good, she thought.

Amy exaggeratedly flipped her hair behind her shoulder before leaning into X. “You.”

X leaned back a bit before asking again, “What would you like? What do you normally get?”

Amy’s eyes got big and round. “I haven’t drunk before,” she giggled.

***

Empty cocktail glasses were strewn over their table. A waiter came over to clear it. “Would you like anything else?”

Elisa’s hand crept up higher under The Enchantress’s dress, fingers drawing circles on her inner thigh. Smirking, she turned to her, “What would you like?”

Blushing furiously, The Enchantress pretended to study the menu. Elisa’s fingers grazed her panties, teasing her. Squeezing her legs together, she intently looked through the cocktail menu.

Elisa breathed into The Enchantress’s ear, sending tingles shooting down her neck, “Don’t leave a wet spot.” She proceeded to tease her through the thin fabric of her lace panties.

Now visibly squirming, The Enchantress hastily ordered a round of pina coladas. Giving them a curious look, the waiter nodded and left.

The Enchantress moaned softly, grinding against Elisa’s hand. Swiftly, she drew her hand away, giving The Enchantress an innocent smile. “Still the tease you used to be, I see,” The Enchantress huffed.

“Some things never change,” Elisa leaned in and kissed her. Closing her eyes, The Enchantress melted into the kiss.

***

“Wait, you’ve never drunk before?” alarm bells starting going off in X’s head. Amy did look younger than the twenty-three she had claimed to be.

“Amy, how old are you?” she asked gently.

“Old enough!” she answered playfully, twisting her hair between her finger.

“Are you really twenty-three?” X persisted.

“Fine,” Amy rolled her eyes. “I’m eighteen. Almost”

X wondered how she could get herself out of this. Absent-mindedly, she scanned the club. Her eyes widened as she found herself staring into the eyes of the last person she expected to see.

***

The Enchantress’s eyes fluttered open as they drew apart from the kiss, locking eyes with the last person she wanted to see.

[missamyrisa2]

Hii Miss Amy! I think it is fair for you to tickle and tease my armpits now...since i already explored yours pretty well (and would do it again). But be careful, you probably will notice that i get really turned on by having my armpits teased just as teasing a lee's pitties...So if you tease me with your sensitive underarms while you play with mine...you can easily tell me how hard i am at the moment~

Oooh darlinggg~ you are in soooo much trouble when I knowwww there's a hot button on you ~ because I'm going to pressss itttt ~ overrr and over and over again until you're a babbling pile of mushhh and guess what? Then I'm going to work you up more ~ fluff you upppp~ just to press that button again~

Which is to sayyyy I'll have you niiiice and snug on this reclined chair with your arms up and wrists bound behind you~ "arms up, buttercup~!" I'll squeak, hopping onto your lap in my sleeveless cropped top~ all alluring with its dark red floral designs~ "ooh wait~" I snicker, getting right to business as I lean in and start brushing my lips on your underarms, planting tiny kisses up your inner arms and back down and around each pittiee~ "What a pityyy huh? All trussed up like this? Huhhhh? Yeahh? *muah muahhh* ticklish lil cute pits all open for me yeahhhh? You like your kissessss don't youuuu~!" I chatter and hum away, layering kiss after kiss, making sure I keep one arm up at all times holding the back of my neck so you are always looking at one of my sensitive pits while I taunt yours~

And thennnn I lean back and let you spot my sensitive twitching tummy before wriggling my fingers manically, descending slowly steadily to your pits ~ "Tickle tickle tickleeee~ Tickle!!" I coo, letting my nails scribble and scratch around your sensitive skin, squealing in delight as you bounce under me making me bounce too~ "Ooooh sooo helpless and ticklish you say pleeeeease Miss Amy noooot my armpitsss~!" I tease with a high cooing voice, pausing occasionally to pose for you and show off my spots and outfit before diving right back in. "Coochie coochie cooooooo~! I'm tiiiickling your pitsss and there's nothing you can dooo about ittt! Especially not tickling myyyy ticklish pitssss!" I giggle down and start teasing you with a long feather, tracing those pinkened spots softly and elegantly ~

"I mean, my pits are right here darling. I'm right here. Riiiight here and you could stop me. You could tickle me soooo easily. Just take this feather, take this oneee feather and ooooh~!" I squeak out letting you watch me tickle myself, drawing the quill on my spot and then down across my exposed tummy. "Mmmh! Is that what it feels like? This feather? Feather feather feather? What a shame. What terrible fate. What a~~~~pity!!" I toss my tool aside and raspberry your armpit mercilessly, holding you steady with my hands, tracing my nails tauntingly on the outer pit and inner arm. "Don't try to fight itttt~! You're a ticklish pit boy and you're getting tickles till the cows come home~!"

"Or maybeeee~" I lean back and smirk, pointing my finger below and wiggling it up and down. "Maybeeee~! Until youuuuuu comeee~!" I point lower, tracing down your chest and teasing your belly as I get to your very visible arousal. "Naughty naughty ~ naughty thing~!" I wag my finger back and forth and pick the feather back up, clicking my tongue with tsk tsk tsks~ "getting allll worked up, just from your tickless? My goodness, what kind of tickle operation do you think I run here you naughty boy!" I reach up and idly draw my fingers along your underarm while the feather starts to kiss and caress under your tip. "Mmh~ naughty naughty naughty ~ you're gonna be punisheddd mmmmhmmm~ we'll get all that naughtiness out of you I promiseee~"

I keep the feather going, just urging your stiff rod along while I continue tickling away at your armpit, skittering and tracing and drawing around in teasing circles, my look of concentration as I balance your criss-crossed sensations and imitate all your sounds. "OOoh! Ooooh! Mmmmh! Oh my god? Yeahhhh that's righttt I looooove to make you squirmm you sillly naughty thinggg~!" I follow your motions, never allowing your royal part to escape the tickles and teases even when I move up to blow more raspberries or pause to flash my pits to you ~

But the feather does stop for a moment when I pull a risky maneuver ~ with a blush and a grin I move up and lift my arm, bringing my pit closer and closer and closer ~ "You like theseee huhhh?" I smile in your face right as my pit grazes against yours, our sensitive spots connected as I squeal out and start tickling your other pit to make you wiggle against me. "Mmmh~ that's it pittyyyy boyyyy I tickle youuu you tickle meee and you get alllll worked up for me to punishhh~!" I snicker and watch your royal part bounce and tingle, moving back to kiss your pits again before snuggling up to one side.

With my cute outfit and body brushing on you I lean in and kiss a pit before reaching back to pull out my magic wand. "Let's see how long you can take, darling~" I buzz my lips on your pit as I turn on my wand and let it buzz underneath your swollen rod. "And I'm not stopppinggg not till you give me thatttt gigglyyy gaspyyy pitttygasm~!"

[strictlycomesparkle]

Showdance

Karim and Amy

As expected, that was probably such a cute dance and a perfect way to showcase his Strictly journey. Even though it didnt have the usual mix of techniques, it showcased his talent to a tee and embodied who he is. He is technically beautiful with amazing lines, beautiful expressions of the body and just a natural flair and rhythm in his body. Combining this with the story telling and raw emotion he has whenever he dances, just made it perfect. I cant forget to mention Amy who has made a real dancer out of Karim and giving him choreography that shows him off in the best way possible. It was honest, pure and everything just came together perfectly from the dance, the outfits, the song and the set. It was so subtle and understated, but sometimes they are the best.

Emma and Anton

Hearing the music and the dance, it should have been an amazing dance and the choreography was amazing. However, I couldn’t not see the amount of times where they were literally: out of time. For most of it, it was really nice to watch and the way she looked and oozed personality really helped the dance. It combined everything that Anton and Emma represent from elegance, class and sophistication. It does upset me that she messed up quite a lot on the timing and syncopation and I cannot ignore that. It was good, but not what I expect from a final showdance.

Kelvin and Oti

Except maybe one or two times when he nearly stumbled, this was what I love from a showdance - an amalgamation of all the dances he’s good at. We saw Tango, jive, charleston, Lindy and thats just to name a few. It just combined everything I love about Kelvin from the ability to dance at such a quick speed, the jam packed content and those hips. As always, Oti knows how to bring the best out of Kelvin and this choreography did that so well. I always love seeing how much people improve over the series and seeing all of these dances and how much he’s improved, it’s crazy for me to think that Kelvin wasn’t even meant to be in the competition to start with. Apart from the amazing dancing, he just has this personality and way about him that draws you in. It was so good!

[domingoanoite]

This is a Q&A that I answered on this blog when I was 24. I decided to revisit it 6 years later and update some of the answers, even though most of them remain the same (guess I’m consistent) Some truths about myself:

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? -More milk than cereal 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? -Kind of (nowadays I would say no coz it also freezes my nose and ears lol) 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? -Anything close to me; pencils, post-its, my phone, etc  4: how do you take your coffee/tea? -Sugar is essential 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? -Yes 6: do you keep plants? -No, they are boring (and I kill all of them) 7: do you name your plants? -Lol 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? -I'm very bad at expressing them, actually I normally keep my feelings to myself 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? -Oh yes 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? -All of them 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? -There are so many! All very retarded, of course 12: what's your favorite planet? -Saturn (I changed to Venus, I guess) 13: what's something that made you smile today? -Vines of dogs (OMG vines! nowadays it’s more accurate to say tiktoks of cats) 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? -Like a nerd palace; full of games and food everywhere (I live with my best friend now, and our house is lowkey nerdy yes) 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! -The Earth’s rotation is gradually slowing. This deceleration is happening almost imperceptibly, at approximately 17 milliseconds per hundred years. (oh my!) (also,  a full nasa space suit costs 12 million dollars.) 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? -Lasagne! (nice answer girl) 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? -Purple or pink; my mum never let me dye my hair, so now I'm 24 and I've been craving for it (I managed to dye it pink 3 years ago!!!!) 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. -Once I made a birthday cake for my friend with four legs and a square on top; like a chair. It was hideous, and they never let me forget it 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? -Nope. Never had one because I'm afraid people would read it (I just started scrapbooking now) 20: what's your favorite eye color? -Gray, like Amy Lee's 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. -I have this tetris themed backpack for so many years and it's still brand new; I love it (still have it, still looks brand new) 22: are you a morning person? -Noooo 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? -Play games on the pc; omg I just love it 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? -Yes, my group of friends from school are still the best creatures I've ever met (plus, today I would say also my husband) 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? -I don't think I've ever broken into a nice place :( 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? -a pair of oxford shoes with a gorgeous pattern of lines and curves, kind of victorian style; it's falling apart but I love it (still have it, but it’s back in Brazil and I dont wear it because I want to preserve that beauty) 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? -Strawberry of tutti-frutti 28: sunrise or sunset? -Sunset; I'm never awake to see the sunrise lol 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? -I have this Charlotte friend here in Bournemouth that has the cutest laugh ever (she just had a lovely baby girl :)) 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? -Of course 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. -Socks are amazing. I love socks. I wanted to glue socks on my feet forever. I love weird socks with different themes and colours, and I rarely wear white ones. It's mandatory for me to sleep with socks, even in a hot night. I'm wearing socks right now (I couldn’t have answered this better) 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. -Nothing good happens after 3AM. If I'm awake at this time, I'm possibly drunk, so you can imagine (bitch nowadays I’m only awake at 3am if I’m at the hospital with SOMEONE WHO IS ABOUT TO DIE)  33: what's your fave pastry? -Birthday cake, especially strawberry 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? -I have this cute polar bear with a pink dress that is still in my room; it has a boyfriend too, a polar bear with a christmas outfit but his head is almost falling from the body HAHAHA (I hope my mum didn’t get rid of it at this point, idk) 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? -I used to have loads as a teenager, with different colours and such. Nowadays I don't really care about pens, and most of them are stolen 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? -Muse, forever and always (always! <3) 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? -Clean and messy. Clean above all 38: tell us about your pet peeves! -I'm obssessed about cleaning; the fizzy drink bottles must ALWAYS be closed with their lids, my hair must be perfect at all times and I can't stand being without a bra (I think at the time I really didn’t know what a pet peeve was; to answer this better, I would say when people chew with their mouth open) 39: what color do you wear the most? -Blue (only dark and sober tbh) 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? -I have this gorgeous pearl ring that my grandma gave me, and her grandma gave it to her. It's the most precious material thing I own (also wedding rings now but I dont really wear them) 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? -The green mile by Stephen King (oof! more recently, song of achiles by madeline miller and alias grace by margaret atwood) 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! -not really 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? -I don't normally gaze at the stars lol 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? -I feel it all the time 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? -Yes (not really, liar, you ignore them and than feel stupid. I’m trying to listen to it more!!!!) 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. -How do you make the number one disappear? Add the letter G and it's "gone" (lady walks into the shop and orders 12 bees. guy gives her 13. she says: but thats too many bees! he says: one of them is a freebie) 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? -Olives and any spicy food aaaaaargh 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? -Darkness; I slept with the lights on until I was 17. Today I'm not scared of it anymore 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? -Nope hehe last one I bought was in 2002 (spotify bitch, hello) 50: what's an odd thing you collect? -I don't collect anything 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? -My boyfriend Brendan; No Diggity by Chet Faker (Bren is my husband now!) 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? -I'm Brazilian, so I would say "o meme da senhora" (the memes about the Queen’s death this year were brilliant) 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? _I've only watched pulp fiction; I thought it was meh (still true, I also watched rocky horror and it’s very weird. the rest are yet to be seen) 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? -This picture of a pug on a calendar 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? -LOL I was playing goat simulator with Brendan and I told him not to go to this certain place. He went and got fucked. I screamed for 5 minutes WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME? DAAAM IT! (I dont remember doing this xD) 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? -When they react to animals; when they make funny voices and faces and when they share stories from their childhood 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? -It always makes me sing along in the most dramatic way possible 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? -Oh my god LOL I don't know how to answer this question  59: what's your favorite myth? -I love the Deathly Hallows heh (I love myths, give me more myths!) 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? -Nah, poetry is lame 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? -I gave a bunch of condoms to my friend that was turning 18; once I received clothes 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? -Only at certain weekends when my mum makes me orange juice (nobody makes me juice nowadays) 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? -I have an ebook that is really precious and I take it everywhere. The physical ones are meticulously organized. I don't care about my music lol I can listen to anything on Youtube (spotify!!! youtube became annoying with all the ads) 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? -Light blue with a lot of clouds (gray, it could rain) 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? -MY DOOOGS (I’ve seen them last week <3) 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? -I don't care about flowers lol but I like roses 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? -Makes me wanna read dark stories 68: what's winter like where you live? -In Brazil it's hot as summer (here in London it’s cold, nothing else to add.) 69: what are your favorite board games? -Monopoly and scrabble 70: have you ever used a ouija board? -Nope 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? -I prefer hot chocolate (or chai latte) 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? -Not really (my memory is worse now tho) 73: what are some of your worst habits? -Touching my hair all the time (Bren would say my clapping) 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. -It is one of my best friends since we were eleven. It loves nature and travelling, looks like a free, delicate bird that smiles all the time and I feel we can spend years without talking to each other, but when we meet again, nothing changes really  75: tell us about your pets! -I'M SO GLAD THIS QUESTION ARRIVED I'M INSANELY IN LOVE WITH ANIMALS AND I LOVE MY TWO PUGS SO MUCH I CAN'T EVEN. Cacau is a black princess and Zik is fawn, they are so lovely and I miss them with all my heart (I still love them babies, but here in London I also have a cat now, she is a Calico named Zelda and she is so soft and cute!) 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? -My final Masters project (there is always something to clean) 77: pink or yellow lemonade? -Yellow (pink) 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? -I'm indifferent to them (hate club) 79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? -My friend De Hong hid Aladdin on my pc and made a treasure hunt on my archives so I could find it (<3) 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? -They are white, but one wall has a beautiful pink wallpaper with flowers on it. My mum chose it to be honest but I love it (all my walls are cream now but I can’t change them coz the house ain’t mine) 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. -Brendan's eyes are green with a yellow circle in the middle; damn it I said it directly 82: are/were you good in school? -Yes 83: what's some of your favorite album art? Muse's "Absolution"  84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? -I already have three and don't plan to make more (lol I made another. I have 4 now but I’m removing one of them with laser, so will be back to 3 and I don’t plan to make more) 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? -Not really 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? -Nah 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? -Finding nemo lol and Forrest Gump (idk about those anymore haha) 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? -The Romanticism at the 18th and 19th centuries 89: are you close to your parents? -Very 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. -I love my hometown Brasilia. It's very quiet, with beautiful architecture and open spaces. It's not touristic at all and it doesn't have anything to do, but I love it 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? -Back to Brazil for a few weeks and hopefully Belgium (went to both this year lol, no more travels tho because of work, but I also went to Madeira) 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? -I DEMAND MORE CHEESE 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? -I leave it natural and free (a bun because of fucking work) 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? -Michael Worrall like two days ago (Charlotte I guess) 95: what are your plans for this weekend? -Work work work (work work work) 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? -Procrastination ftw 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? -What the fuck is a myer briggs type? I'm a capricorn and hufflepuff 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? -During Easter I did it in Ibiza with my coursemate Allison, it was amazing (i don’t remember it being that amazing...the town was dead. but last hiking I did was with Bren at the new forest, then we went to Bmouth to visit Prz, it was nice :)) 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. -When you were young by The killers and Good enough by Evanescence (like a stone by audioslave) 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? -I prefer to stay in the present. I wouldn't change anything in the past and I don't want to miss five years of my life

[1ooo-w0rds]

we met on ocean avenue pt 3

A/N: September fic. The lack of Leo is making me sad. Instead we have Hazel, Drew and Tristan to keep Piper company. Left on a bit of a cliff hanger. @dancer-dramatic-13 any edits for this chapter? 

Part: one. two.

Hazel, 4:50pm: Where are you? My mom and I are here.

Piper, 5:10pm: omw. Forgot how horrible LA traffic is.

Hazel, 5:12pm: You Texans and your big roads.

Piper, 5:13pm: Hey, everything's bigger in Texas.

Piper: And I'm not scared of dying on the road with your crazy drivers.

Hazel, 5:15pm: Pssh, our drivers are just fine. We've honed our reflexes.

Piper, 5:16pm: And endanger everyone else on the road.

Hazel, 5:17pm: No one's dead.

Piper, 5:17: Yet.

Piper giggled as Hazel sent her a string of emojis with a lot of eyerolls, glares and angry faces. Tristan's eyes met hers in the rear view mirror as he turned off of the busy highway. Jackie, his PA, sat comfortably in the passenger seat, tapping on her phone. Piper always found it odd how her dad enjoyed driving, especially with the horrible LA traffic. Jackie laughed when she started working for Tristan, not used to being chauffeured by her boss.

"It's one of the few things he can control." Jackie told Piper once as they watched Tristan get fussed over in the makeup chair. Wardrobe held up a shirt, frowning before tossing it into the pile. Tristan was all smiles, the ever charming actor. Jackie hugged her phone to her chest. "We all need that one thing we alone can control. For him, it's driving."

"When is it acceptable to leave a cast party?" Piper held her phone to her lips to hide her grin at Tristan's comment.

"Whatever you're thinking, it's too soon." Jackie answered without looking up from her phone. Tristan sighed dramatically like a teenager. Unfazed, Jackie reached out and patted Tristan's arm. "Don't worry, sir, it's only the main cast, a good number of the crew and their family. No paparazzi or media. Dawn booked the place underneath her family name. No one suspects a thing."

"Unless they're following little McMeme. Our own paparazzi." Tristan said as he nodded back to his daughter. Piper shrugged in response. Her live tweets about Huntington Hospital cast-related parties and insider events were hilarious. They were her most popular, drawing in fans young and old of the show. She made sure to highlight different actors and actresses and even people in the crew.

"Dad, you know my tweets are what makes Huntington Hospital so popular." Piper said with a smug grin. "We can't stop this tradition now. I'm in too deep."

"You should be happy it's only her, Tristan." Jackie reassured before they discussed details about a charity event. Piper blocked out the business chat as she tried to get a good angle for her pre-party selfie.

Piper McLean, PiperMcMeme: To the cast party! #HuntingtonHospital #Insider #LATraffic #SayYesToThisDress?

Esmeralda Valdez MamaValdez: Aw sweetie that's adorable! I love the jacket!

Piper smiled reading Mama Valdez' reply to her post, as a notification popped up. Hazel had messaged her again.

Hazel, 5:25: I'm going to scout out an area for us to hide when things get out of hand.

Hazel, 5:26: Let's hope it's not a repeat of 2012 again.

Piper, 5:28: I hope not. I still can't believe that Valentina cracked that glass over Laurel's head.

Hazel, 5:29: The sound of the crack was surprisingly satisfying to hear.

Piper, 5:30: Hazel!

Piper sighed as she turned to look out the window. The long rows of palm trees against the clear blue sky zoomed by. Tour buses full of tourists inched by as they tried to merge in. She could hear the speaker as they pointed out famous landmarks and studios while telling stories of the rich and famous. Piper hugged her phone to her chest, missing the quietness of her small town. Time moved too quickly in this city. She could barely take a moment to breathe. Her phone buzzed against her chest and she looked down.

Grandpa Tom: Little dove, how's the city of stars? Is your father well?

Piper's heart squeezed at the pet name of grandpa gave her. Grandpa Tom was her paternal grandfather and when she's home in League City, her guardian. She taught him to text recently, amazed by how quickly he caught on. Piper nibbled her lower lip as her hands shook a bit.

As amazing as Grandpa Tom is, Piper still worried about his health. The air in Los Angeles is harsh which is why Tristan is hesitant to relocate Grandpa Tom. He always had lung problems for his entire life. Neither modern or traditional Cherokee medicine had any effects. But being away from his father and daughter for so long is having an affect on Tristan and his work. Thankfully, Esmeralda "Mama" Valdez offered to keep an eye on the two to ease Tristan's mind.

"You're practically family." Esmeralda said when Tristan tried to offer her money. "I would be doing this even if you were here, Tristan. Stop being a stiff." Piper grinned at the memory as she typed out her response.

Piper: Jackie is keeping him clean, fed and employed. Which Hollywood star would you like a picture of this time?

Grandpa Tom: Surprise me, dove. Mama Valdez is here to watch Wheel of Fortune with me. Love you. He added a pair of kiss-y and winky emojis. 

"Oh and apparently he's showing up today at the party." Piper blinked as she caught the tail end of Jackie's words right as they pulled into the valet parking. Tristan turned and faced his assistant with wide eyes. Jackie grinned back. "Surprised?"

"Didn't he just fly in?" Tristan asked as the valet opened his door. Piper cranked her neck, trying to follow the conversation but Jackie stepped out. Tristan moved to hand his keys over, still whispering to his assisstant about this mysterious person. Piper frowned, unable to catch any words as she smoothed down the folds of her dress. "Who told him to come? He should be resting."

"He probably wants to make a good impression." Jackie replied as she looked over Tristan one more time. The redhead sighed and shook her head before stepping into Tristan's personal bubble, patting the creases out of his polo. Like she could sense his glare, Jackie looked up. "Don't shoot the messenger, Tristan. That's just what Amie told me. It could just be rumors."

"Sure." Tristan murmured back as she stepped away, satisfied with his appearance. "Come on, Piper."

"Coming." Piper said as she quickly typed up her tweet.

Piper McLean, PiperMcMeme: Scoop! Looks like there might be a new face on #HuntingtonHospital #WhoCouldItBe?

Jackie tutted but smiled knowing as Piper slide her phone back into her pocket. Piper shrugged. Jackie shouldn't know better then to talk about business in front of Piper. The redhead shook her head fondly before wandering over to where the other PAs were gathering.

The party was in full swing when Tristain and Piper stepped in. The large pool had kids splashing as their parents chatted. Huntington Hospital is a close-knit group of stars. "Tristan!" Alyssa, Tristan's co-star, called out as she held her hands open accepting his hug. They chatted happily as she pulled Tristan to where everyone else was gathered. Her father gave Piper a 'save me' look which she smiled and waved goodbye to.

Piper leaned against the stone railing, looking around the pool for a familiar head of cinnamon brown. "Hazel!" Piper screamed when she noticed her with a beach ball tossing to the other kids. Piper rushed down the stairs, ignoring the warning calls from the adults. She nearly tackled the fourteen year old as she hugged her tightly. Hazel laughed as she returned the hug. "Look at you! That romper is so cute!" She gushed as she held Hazel arm's length.

Hazel was a petite thing with gleeful golden eyes and an easy smile. Her beautiful hair curled in tight ringlets. The baby blue of the romper accented her dark skin perfectly. A simple silver necklace sat at the base of her neck. She had some paint splattered on her arm, probably from painting. Her mother works on special effects for the show. It involves a lot of fake blood.

"Ah, Piper! What about you?" Hazel screamed back as she clenched her arms.

"Yes, looks like little McLean can look nice." Piper cringed at the sound of the sultry voice and backhanded compliment. She turned slowly and tried not to glare as one of the stylists of Huntington Hospital approached them. Drew Tanaka has always been a thorn in Piper's side. The older girl looked stunning in her maxi dress that highlighted her long legs and womanly curves. Her black hair fell artfully over her left shoulder in soft curls. Her signature golden bands clicked together on her wrist as she reached for the sleeve of Piper's dress. "I recognized this dress. You're follow my blog?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Piper denied as she crossed her arms, unwilling to admit it was one of Drew's recommendation for the summer. Aside from being one of the youngest stylist on the crew, Drew ran a successful fashion blog. She featured a number of new styles, makeup tutorials and general tips for all body types. She gain a lot of fame, explaining clothing choices for the characters of the show and her own personal projects.

"Of course you don't." Drew replied before turning to Hazel and complimenting her on her outfit. Hazel did a little spin at her request. Piper frowned, not sure how Drew and Hazel were friends. While Hazel is the sweetest person you've ever met, Drew knows exactly what to say to bring your mood down. She constantly rubbed Piper the wrong way.

"Drew," Hazel asked as the girls finished pleasantries, "you're not usually at the season opening party. You always complained how it's the same old faces." Piper sipped her mocktail as she settled at the edge of the pool, dipping her feet in the cool water. Hazel and Drew sat on a beach chair right behind her. Children of the cast laughed as they ran around, playing with pool toys. Tristan stood with his co-star as someone showed them a video of their son.

"Amie said I should be here." Drew started as she stirred her drink. "Apparently there's an upstart who's joining the cast this season. They want me to keep an eye on him, style his character and help navigate LA and Hollywood. What a pain." Drew shook her head. Again, another mention of a new star. "He's about your age, Piper. Instagram famous to boot."

"Yeah? What's his handle?" Piper asked.

"JASON!" Everyone seemed to jump at the booming voice of the director as he opened his arms, greeting the young man who just entered the patio area. A pair of dark sunglasses covered his eyes. He wore a light blue short sleeve paired with a nice pair of shorts. He lifted his sunglasses as the director pulled him into a hug, laughing as the man patted his back. Piper felt her heart thump in her chest as she connected the dots. BlondSuperman aka Jason Grace was here in all his glory.

"Well," Drew murmured as she pushed her sunglasses up to sit atop of her hair. "He's not a hopeless case."

Piper's hand shook as she took her phone out, trying to get the camera open. Jason shook her dad's hand, laughing a bit as Alyssa pinched his cheeks. She can't post this on Twitter, it's too big of a scoop and Huntington Hospital's marketing group would hound her for days. Pulling out her personal Tumblr, Piper typed out a post.

McMeme:

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. This is not a drill. This is not a drill. Jason fucking Grace, hottie of the year, just walked into the pool area I'm at. I'm trying not to freak out and fall into this pool. He's soo hot. No one is allowed to be that hot.

#WhatIsGoingOn? #HolyHell #ThisCanNotBeHappening? #DidISayHeWasHot #FuckI'mNotTaggingHim

Once Piper's heart stopped pounding in her chest and she posted, a little bubble popped up in her notifications. A message popped in her inbox.

Anonymous: Do you still do For the Vine? I dare you to ask out Jason Grace and post it on Twitter.

[jernal]

A Day in Inpatient Eating Disorder Treatment

It’s Monday, weekday 1/5 (unless you’re still new or untrustworthy because then you’re here all weekend too; no leave), breakfast is at 08:00 but we have to be in the lounge at 07:00 for bloodwork. I set my alarm for 06:30. I need this. My alarm starts quiet and gets louder but my brain jolts awake at the first tone; I’m so worried my roommate Miranda is growing to resent me and my alarm. I shower at night so I can get up and out quietly. I’m always tip-toeing. I’m tired though so it takes me a minute to peel myself off of my starchy hospital sheets. I didn’t sleep well because overnight every 20 minutes a nurse walks into our room with her iPhone flashlight on, shining it in our faces and whispering “checks” as if I might not know why she’s here. Sometimes I hold my eyes wide-open, staring, just to unnerve the night nurses. There were two Code-Whites last night too. Alarms and screaming. In Ottawa, the Regional Centre for the Treatment of Eating Disorders (AKA: your only option) is made up of just six beds on the locked general psych ward. Fourth floor, north wing. Code White, Four North. Code Blanc, Quatre Nord. So I get up and tip toe out of my room and into the half-lit hallway. I no longer care about how socially unacceptable it is to walk around a place full of people in my sleep clothes and bare feet. I’m wearing a purple nightgown with thin straps and a low open back; it’s cute. I walk to the nurses station and stand by the reinforced glass window waiting to be noticed by the clerk. It’s Bruno. He never fails to have a positive attitude and light sense of humour - it must not be easy to do in a place like this. He knows that I’m here to ask for my curling iron or straightener. I switch it up every morning. He waves it in front of the glass like a treat in front of a dog. I am the dog. I have no power. He means it as a joke though and I do appreciate him. I have to say please and thank you to him - he doesn’t tolerate my teenager attitude; I’m 24, but living in an environment where I have no rights and am at the mercy of a wide variety of older-adults has made my sass-control regress a bit. While I wait for Bruno there’s a man with long dreadlocks wearing a hospital gown, spinning circles and popping wheelies in a wheelchair close by. I usually avoid interacting with general psych patients but he talks to me a bit. He tells me he killed someone and he’s here until he can be assessed, then he’s probably going back to jail. He seems more sane than the majority of gen psych patients and I’ve never see him before so I talk to him till I have my curling iron. I have to return it once it’s cooled, I’m not allowed to have cords. 

I sneak into our bathroom and close the door before I turn on the light. I’m really concerned with people potentially hating me, letting a stream of blinding light escape from the bathroom would make me easily hate-able. I do my hair and then sit on my bed to do my makeup. Miranda is up by now and I can turn on a light. I take time to do my makeup and my hair, I pick out an outfit and I don’t outfit-repeat for as long as possible. This seems stupid but looking like myself is the one of the few things I have control over. I will not become a sweatpant-wearing, dirty hair, slipper-footed hospital patient. I’m here for a long time and I’m going to gain weight and struggle with that - I don’t need to struggle with feeling ugly and frumpy too. I apply my usual false lashes. 

It’s 06:50 now. The six of us have an unspoken arrangement when it comes to bloodwork: first come, first serve, first leave. The two smokers, Nate and Amy are usually first. We meet in one of the two lounges. There are a couple psych patients in there too. One is an old man in his hospital gown going hard on the elliptical in the corner. There’s just the one exercise machine, it’s pretty random and for some of us it’s very hard to ignore; we could risk being discharged on the spot for getting on that thing. The room otherwise has a TV encased in plexiglass on the wall, a variety of leatherish couches, chairs, some tables, two vending machines and a small shelving unit with mushy ancient puzzles and boardgames. None of them have all their pieces, that’s a guarantee. The nurse is 15 minutes late, pushing her cart in casually like we haven’t been waiting anxiously to do bloodwork and get the fuck out. I don’t mind needles. I watch. Once I’m done I head to the set of double doors of 4 North. I have to have Bruno buzz the first set unlocked, walk into the vestibule, wait for it to close behind me and have him unlock the second set. I’m going to Critical Care; it’s a huge open space with the Tim Hortons (not the Second Cup that’s closer but yuckier) and giant windows and couches. I bring a book and sit with my coffee as long as possible. I won’t be alone again all day.

I come back up at 07:55 and wait in the hall outside our special EDP kitchen. The gen psych population eats in the lounge or in their rooms. Some of them are aware that we have our own special room but not aware enough to understand why. Sometimes they yell about it. Once, a non-verbal man came in and took the glass base out of our microwave and we had to pull an alarm because our nurse had left briefly. Our nurse this morning is a bitch. I can’t put it any nicer. Her name is Brenda and we got off on the most wrongest foot ever. There’s a general belief that people with eating disorders are sneaky, manipulative liars. I fancy myself a rational adult and choosing to recover in this way was hard enough; it makes no sense to me at all that I’d voluntarily leave my job and move onto this ward just to lie and sneak around and try to lose weight and be symptomatic. She didn’t talk to me or get to know who I am before deciding I was bad. Seeing her walk down the hall, realizing she was our nurse for the 7-3 shift, makes my stomach flip. It causes me more anxiety than the meal itself. I spoke with the ward manager a few weeks ago though, Brenda apologized to me. She was wrong and treating me unfairly, for no reason evident to me. She still makes me anxious though. She’s late but she doesn’t apologize. If we’re late we’re actually punished with having to eat more at snack time. Punishing an unrelated infraction with food - now that’s logical. During Breakfast, we turn a radio on so it’s not silent. Brenda talks though - she’s famous for it. She’ll keep talking even though no one responds. She’ll keep talking even after we’re finished and waiting for her to start check-out. Breakfast is one of the worst meals in the day. In the wise words of Nate, my best friend in this hell-hole, “this meal makes no sense”, and they’ll chastise us saying meals don’t have to ‘make sense’ but having toast, a muffin with cream cheese on it, an apple and a glass of milk is a lot. But wait, cause if you’ve ordered a bran muffin with cream cheese too often (‘too often’ is completely based on the opinion of the power-tripping dietician, Shelley) you might get a bran muffin and…. a piece of plastic-wrapped, room-temperature cheddar cheese. This meal makes NO sense. So you down each piece as quick as possible because, that’s totally normal and not disordered eating, right? Yuck. When we start passing our plates to the person closest to the dish cart Brenda wraps up her latest anecdote, sighs, then turns to her side and asks the nearest one of us how their breakfast was. We have to say something positive - how this helps our recovery, (lying when necessary to come up with an acceptable response) I’m not sure. I say “I liked the muffin.”. Nate raises his eyebrows a tiny bit, tilts his head sharply and says “my omelette was the same temperature as my milk” and I stifle a laugh. He is a barista in the real world and he has a chalkboard-painted travel mug. Every day he writes something on it, every day I look forward to it. Today he’s written “Day 42: one lump, or two? “‘six’” - Shelley”. Last Friday's mug said “Day 39: to have your pancake and eat it too”. 

The day is spent in groups. There’s CBT group, led by a Nurse Practitioner, Simin, who is almost like a psychologist… except not at all. There’s family and relationships groups: open-circle groups led by Stephanie, an actual psychologist who can only speak in that whispery therapeutic tone shrinks develop. These groups drive me insane because it’s completely unstructured and we might spend the hour listening to some rambly, whiney story about someone’s mom. I’m a bitch though. It helps that person to talk, but hearing about five other people’s problems doesn’t benefit me at all. I have a therapist in the real world, I want to exempt myself from these groups. There’s body image, the ONLY group led by the psychiatrist who runs the inpatient program. There’s DBT where we just watch one patient draw a chain of events and we analyze the shit out of it for an hour. There’s ‘take charge’ group led by Jodie, a social worker, where we made resumes…. (most of us are adults with jobs), There’s medical education run by Simin again, the NP, possibly the only valid group although she chooses a topic at random and it’s very basic information, I truly appreciated the group where she explained that ‘gluten-free’ diets are a bullshit trend. There’s a group led by Shelley the dietician where we learn about the food pyramid and how milk is good for you.

Lunch is at noon. 2 starches, 2 protein, 1 vegetable, 1 fat, 1 fruit, 2 dairy. Afterwards we do menu marking. We sit together and circle the meals on wide menu sheets that we’ll have for the next five days. It’s so stressful I know ahead of time to ask for a PRN. I request clonazepam. In my pre-treatment life, I used this med as a sleep aid. Now it doesn’t affect my wakefulness in the slightest. I’m so anxious it barely does anything at all. I struggle immensely writing out my future five days. Trying to do it ‘right’. Trying to pick the ‘right’ things. Trying not to forget any portions. I hand over the sheets of marked menus to Brenda or Shelley and they skim it and accept it or point out flaws. I don’t trust the acceptance anyway, Shelley might make changes later without my consent. Why bother giving us this ‘responsibility’ and ‘control’ and ‘choice’ if you’re going to make changes later without warning and our food comes up with something senseless and surprising that we’re forced to consume anyway? Mixing food & eating with a sense of insecurity and distrust. Excellent. Oh, did I mention that if we’re late to group, chewing gum etc, we might also be punished by having one menu taken away, meaning one of our days meals will be totally redone by whoever is in charge at the time. It’s no wonder that this task and these people are actually giving me bigger trust issues and general anxiety than I probably came in here with. 

We also meet with the psychiatrist, Dr. Proulx, on Mondays. This is the only time we see her besides Body Image group, DBT sometimes, and Feedback (which is Tuesdays, a long table with all staff and all 6 of us) and it is the only time we see anyone on EDP staff one-on-one… and even then, Simin The NP is usually present as well. Throughout my time in program I won’t ever understand the purpose of this ‘one-on-one’ meeting besides to discuss medication. When I was admitted Dr. Proulx questioned the medication I’m on and suggested going off of it and trying something more fitting. I’m on Limotrigine, an anti-convulsant used off-label as a mood stabilizer for bipolar and schizophrenia. She didn’t know me or my history, decided it was the wrong medication, but then didn’t do anything to change it.

At 3pm, the nurses switch shifts. It’s a gamble, there are a few nurses who are true gems and a few who are new and/or unfamiliar with the psych ward. None of the nurses are specialized in eating disorders, they’re just trained nurses who happened to end up on the psych ward and then happened to end up assigned to us. Despite the clear lack of formal training or understanding, some try to psychoanalyze or offer impromptu therapy sessions. On one of my first days, a filipino nurse with broken english came in to ask me how my first shower was. I wanted to tell her it was worse than the public pool showers I remember vaguely from my childhood swimming lessons but I figured she wouldn’t get my dark sense of humour and just nod along knowingly, supportively, ahh yes, I see. But does she see? My bathroom comes equipped with two milk crates stacked sideways forming a sort of shelving unit for us to store tiny hospital towels. I have my razor hidden between a few of them, I just can’t stand having to ask for it every second day and I am not a self-harm risk. None of us are; self-harm = automatic discharge. The bathroom has a stand up shower, no shower curtain, just an open doorway beside a metal shower head protruding from the wall. Our bathroom door has no locks and our room’s door has a towel wrapped around the handles, preventing it from closing fully. My roommate has a huge problem with the lack of security and lack of privacy. She sleeps in a sleeping bag on top of her bed. The filipino nurse asked me if I had any urges and on my first day I was naive enough to not know what the hell she meant, asking nervously knowing my roommate was on her bed behind our divider curtain, certainly hearing this exchange, and the nurse clarified by miming cutting her wrists. Yep, definitely not a mental health professional. At 3pm I’m overjoyed to see our nurse is Barb. Colleen is a close second best-case-scenario, a warm, smiley woman with a kind voice and a motherly demeanour. Barb is funny and also very kind. She holds one of us back at random after dinner to check-in and unlike every other nurses attempts at therapeutic conversations, I do enjoy chatting with Barb. She believes me when I tell her I didn’t mean to cut my meat up into ‘too-small’ pieces, she believes me when I tell her that’s not an ED behaviour I have. She believes me when I say I know what I’m doing here, what I mean to accomplish, what my goal is; I mean to spend my 8 weeks (that’s the max, I had decided right away) eating well-rounded meals and gaining some weight. I know I’m sick, I know I have an eating disorder and I know I’m doing serious damage to myself, she hears me when I say this. She believes me, and more importantly, she respects my decision, when I tell her I’m not looking to work on issues relating to past relationships, family, self. I’ve worked with half a dozen therapists by now, I know that 8 weeks in an artificial environment made up of 90% group therapy sessions is not the place for me to open up about any and all issues, I know it won’t help and could actually hurt. Barb hears me and believes me. I respect her for respecting me and treating me like a rational adult. Dr. Proulx tells me that anorexia is not rational, therefore I am not rational. It’s like she doesn’t think that eating disorders are mental illnesses, and I can be level-headed and rational about any other area of my life. I feel distrust and scrutiny from almost every direction. I’m a perfectionist and feeling like I am failing constantly is extremely distressing. Not feeling approval from those in charge of my care and recovery is really hard for me. 

Dinner with Barb is nice though, and often times meals are ok. The food isn’t all terrible. I did make a dire mistake of selecting a ‘salisbury steak’ not actually knowing what it was but knowing what steak was and knowing I was in The Red Meat Club (low iron) so I didn’t have a lot of choice anyway. Salisbury steak, the hospital kind at least, is something I don’t ever wanna see or smell .. or taste.. again. Imagine how hard it was finding a positive to share with the group after that surprise. I also tried my very first Shawarma here in the EDP kitchen. It was pretty good. We’re a bit lucky because EDP gets extra menu options and they’re good ones like Stir Fry of the Day, different sometimes but good almost always. Barb is nice but she’s just as strict as the rest of the team, things can still go bad real quick - like someone throwing a pudding cup across the table, scattering silverware and cups everywhere. I leave the kitchen when Barb said “ok you all can go except….” and she chooses someone she’s been wanting to chat with, hasn’t seen around much, etc. It’s not me today.

What’s difficult about the routine after dinner is that unless it’s the one day a week where we have our glorified arts and crafts group (therapeutic creative expression?) we have 2+ hours to kill. We have visitors or we hang out or just hide behind our curtains watching Netflix on our laptops. If we have arts and crafts, whichever nurse happens to be on shift that night picks an activity at random, I think they must google it 20 minutes prior, and we’re expected to do the activity as if it’s crucial to our progress and recovery. The only example I can even think of is when Brenda told us to “draw what having a life looks like” and in her better-than-thee way, left it at that. So poetic and profound and intentional. I basically regressed back to my oppositional high school self, took her directions exactly literally and sketched a perfect anatomical fetus in utero. That’s what it looks like when someone “has a life” inside them. Everyone else did what I knew she wanted; smiley faces and playing outside and friends and family and food and stuff. No. I’m an artist. I won’t conform. 

 Since dinner is at 5pm, night snack feels miles away at 8pm and that’s great except then we’ve eaten (sometimes several things) so late before bed it makes relaxing enough to sleep really difficult. I have graduated to a meal plan where even at snacks I have to consume what feels (to my body) like a LOT of food. Because I’m still not gaining weight as fast as they think I should be, I’ve had an Ensure Plus Calories added to my meal plan. I have a Chocolate Ensure Plus Calories with a pack of 4 two-bite brownies. At 8:00pm, after a solid dinner and a solid day of solid meals. I regret immensely choosing this too-chocolatey snack combo. No point wishing it wasn’t so, I sit down with my things. We all scan across the table to see what everyone else has. No one is jealous of me. We came in on our own and are waiting for Barb but she’s actually taking her dinner so Nurse Will comes in. Nurse Will is a hottie, or at least.. the hottie. There aren’t a lot to choose from (although, pro-tip: set your Tinder location settings to as narrow as possible and you’ll pick up a lot of nurses and doctors in here). Nurse Will has helped out with EDP nurses on occasion but never on snack with us. He seems a little uncomfortable, not sure what routine we follow. I open my brownie packet and discover there are 5 and not 4. I panic. I look around wildly trying to catch someone’s attention. Amy sees me first, sigh of relief, Mom might help me. My voice cracks and I tell Will there’s an extra brownie it’s only supposed to be 4. I know this is not an anorexia thing, but I know normal people would be delighted by an extra brownie, but normal people don’t also have to down the 400 calories of chocolate ensure I do. I’m already challenging myself so much and oh jesus god if he makes me eat the 5th one that I was never supposed to have I’ll throw a proper fit. I’ll get myself discharged. But he makes one joke about how ‘oh I guess you have to eat it!” but my look of terror had him quiet down and say it’s all good if they say so? Confirmation from my team that it’s ok if I don’t eat the 5th brownie. We do that too, sometimes someone has an issue and the team weighs in and says well I had that food too so it’s ok for you to, or maybe hmmm that is a lot of rice if you’re not ‘challenging’ this meal. My life was in their hands but they unanimously agreed that 4 is the normal in those bags. Safe. Well, still very full of heavy, rich, chocolatey calories. Camille gives me a shy smile and thumbs up from across the table. I remember the first time she did this to me, my first day here and I was pushed into lunch with 5 people I didn’t know, a room I’d never been in, a sandwich I didn’t like. And I cried. And cried and cried. Quietly as possible, because surely the other 5 people were uncomfortable. But I looked up and Camille was waiting for me to look up, her hand clenched in a thumbs-up of encouragement. I wanted to cry and run away and I was so embarrassed and this stranger was being more kind than she needed to be.

After snack I jump in the shower. As quickly as human possible because as I’ve mentioned, our shower is drafty, the shower head is such a little nub on the wall that you have to press your back flush with the cringey tiles to be under the shower head’s spray zone. I don’t stop thinking about what I’d do if the bathroom door suddenly flew open. After, I dry off using 3 scratchy little hospital towels and walk down the hall to drop em in a laundry bin. I grab new ones cause I need to rebury my razor in them. My MacBook and it’s charger are under my mattress. 

At night I usually hang out with Nate. We might go down so he can smoke and for my last dose of fresh air for the night. Back on the ward, we sit up on the counter outside my room and watch the nightly traffic go by. We read IKEA catalogues, make up backstories for patients. We watch this NBA sized guy pacing slowly, dragging his catatonic feet but managing to have feverish conversations with the people in his head. Otherwise, the hallway traffic tour slows and we have some quiet. We sit in the lounge watching the other nurses all doing checks together and chatting. Eventually Nurse Jillian will firmly encourage us to go to our rooms. It’s probably 1am but I’ll be up at 6:30am and tip toe out of bed to start this all over again. 

Except tomorrow is Tuesday, We’ll have Feedback at a round table with the whole EDP staff, all 6 of us, and go round the table one-by-one one staff delivering the feedback of all to the one patient. Feedback is maybe more stressful than Menu Marking but not usually for me. I go into Feedback having faith that these professionals discussed and shared their thoughts, that I can’t get bad feedback because I’ve done nothing but try to do everything right. Feedback can change everything for some… not for me…..  until the time that it does. 

But that’s another Day in Inpatient Eating Disorders Treatment. A Tuesday

[seinafukufuku]

Handshake Report - July | Fukuoka Seina

@mi_ha_ac

み：ハンドメイドで（ふくおと）お揃いの浴衣とか作って欲しい Fan: Do you want to handmake a matching yukata (for Fukuo) せ：難しいのですよ(´・ω・`) 手が短いしずんぐりむっくりだから・・・ Seichan: It’ll be hard, yeah (´・ω・`) because his arms are short and he’s short and stout and plump み：そこを何とかするのが『腕』の見せ所じゃないか( ・`д・´) Fan: But if you do this somehow, isn’t this a chance to show your [skill] ( ・`д・´) せ：そこまではまだ無理(￣▽￣;) Seichan: To go that far is still impossible (￣▽￣;) み：いずれやってね～(*´꒳`*) Fan: Do it one day, okay~ (*´꒳`*)

み：この浴衣よく見るとラメも入っているんだね Fan: On a closer look, this yukata uses gold thread, doesn’t it せ：そうなの(ФωФ) Seichan: That’s right (ФωФ) み：帯と髪飾りのカラーコーディネートも良い感じ♪ Fan: The colour coordination of the obi and the hair decorations gives a good feeling ♪ せ：福岡さんちゃんとそういうの考えてますから( ￣▽￣)ﾄﾞﾔｧ Seichan: Because Fukuoka-san considered it properly ( ￣▽￣)smug み：似合っているよ( ￣▽￣)b Fan: It’s suits you, yeah ( ￣▽￣)b Seichan：(ФωФ)b

み：俺もピザおじさん見習ってせいちゃんダイエット始めようかなぁ？ Fan: I wonder, should I also follow Pizza Ojii-san’s example and start the Seichan diet? せ：オススメです( ・`д・´) Seichan: It’s recommended ( ・`д・´) み：体重どんどん増える Fan: My weight’s been steadily increasing せ：朝ちゃんと！昼もしっかりで夜は軽めが良いよ！ Seichan: Do it properly in the morning! And then steadily at lunch too, and it’d be good to have a light dinner! み：夜勤があるから食事に朝昼晩の概念が無いのよ(^_^;) Fan: I work the night shift so the general concept of breakfast lunch and dinner is impossible, you know (^_^;) せ：(´・ω・`)ｻﾖﾃﾞｽｶ Seichan: (´・ω・`)ᴵᶠ ᵗʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ʰᵒʷ ᶦᵗ ᶦˢ

せ：じゃあ普段は何を食べてますか？ Seichan: Thenn what do you eat normally? み：主にらーめん( ￣▽￣) Fan: Mainly ramen ( ￣▽￣) せ：(´・ω・`)ｿﾚﾃﾞｽﾈ Seichan: (´・ω・`) ᴸᶦᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʰᵘʰ せ：じゃあそのらーめんを減らしておにぎりに変えましょう Seichan: Thennn, eat less of the ramen and change it to riceballs み：それは辛い(;_;) まぁとにかく今後時々報告するわ！ Fan: That’s harsh (;_;) Ahh, anyway from now on, I’ll report to you once in a while! せ：あとはらーめんの前にサラダを食べるように！ Seichan: After this, before eating ramen, I want you to eat salad!

み：最近ボイトレ頑張ってるよね～ Fan: Recently, you’ve been doing your best at voice training, haven’t you~ せ：そうなの！結構通ってるよ( ・`д・´) Seichan: Yeah that’s right! It’s (my voice) been carrying well yeah ( ・`д・´) み：意図的に（歌い方の）クセ抜いてる？ Fan: Have you been purposely drawing out your (singing) quirks? せ：いや～？別に? Seichan: Noo~? Not really? み：なんていうかこう・・・凄くストレートな発声を心がけているというか Fan: How do I say... Like you pay attention that your vocalization is very straight せ：基本的なところからしっかり教わってるの～(ФωФ) Seichan: It’s something I was properly taught from the basics~ (ФωФ)

@higehigeofuku

前のみなぱまさんの会話に便乗 Taking advantage of Minapama-san’s conversation before me ひ「ふくお、法被とねじり鉢巻なんてどうよ？」 Fan: For Fukuo, how about a festival (happi) coat and a twisted headband? せ「おっ？良いね、だけど生地が無いなぁ」 Seichan: Oh? That’d be nice, huh, but I don’t have the fabric ひ「子供用でもデカイか」 Fan: The children ones would also be BIG せ「いっそ、それを切り貼りして縫い直しすればok！」 Seichan: Actually, if I cut it up and resew in that case it should be OK! ひ「をっ！楽しみにしてるよ」 Fan: Oh! I’ll be looking forward to it

せ「どーでしょうっムズいかなぁ？」 Seichan: Would it be hard, I wonderrr?

ひ「アシスタントMC決まった？」 Fan: Have you decided on the assistant MC? せ「決まった！」 Seichan: it’s been decided! ひ「あおきー公演のMCメンバーとか？」 Fan: Is it one of the Aoki- Stage MC members? せ「ふふふ、誰でしょう～？」 Seichan: Ufufufu, who is it I wonder~? ひ「(田口)愛佳ちゃんとか？」 Fan: How about (Taguchi) Manaka? せ「をっ！良い線いってますね～」 Seichan: Woh! You’re on the right track, yeah~ せ「何なら話した事無いかも！」 Seichan: We might not have anything to talk about! ひ「大丈夫？(笑)」 Fan: Is it okay? (Laughs) せ「大丈夫(ﾄﾞｬｧ)」 Seichan: It’s okay (smug)

ひ「ランクインコンサート、当たりました」 Fan: I’ve lucked out for the rank-in Concert せ「おー！」 Seichan: Oh! ひ「しかし、仕事でーす」 Fan: But, I have wo-ork せ「えー、どーすんの？」 Seichan: Ehh, then what are you going to do? ひ「仕事終わりにダッシュで向かいます」 Fan: When work ends, I’m going to dash ahead せ「19時だよ」 Seichan: It’s at 7 yo ひ「お出迎えが18時半だよね」 Fan: The greeting session is at 6:30PM, isn’t it せ「そう！」 Seichan: It is! ひ「汗だくで行くけど引かないでね」 Fan: Even though I’ll work up a sweat getting there, I won’t draw (attention), huh (?) せ「判った！(笑)」 Seichan: I understand! (Laughs)

ひ「あおきー公演、前半で顔真っ赤になってたね、暑かった？」 In the Aoki- stage, in the first half, your face got pretty flushed, were you warm? せ「私、いつも赤くなるんだよね」 Seichan: For me, I always somehow get red, you know ひ「制服ビキニもバッチリ観れたし」 Fan: I also properly watched Seifuku Bikini せ「いぇ～い」 Seichan: Ya-y ひ「やっぱ公演のせいちゃんはより一層可愛いですな」 Fan: As I though, the Seichan on stage is much much cuter せ「ふふふ(笑)」 Seichan: Fufufu (laughs)

ひ「確認です明日の服装は、これぞ夏のせいちゃんと風の噂で聞きました」 Fan: Please confirm this rumour I heard on the wind, tomorrow’s outfit will be, a summery Seichan せ「グアム(の時の服)です」 Seichan: It’ll be (an outfit from) Guam ひ「サングラスは？」 Fan: Sunglasses? せ「持ってきません！」 Seichan: I’m not bringing! ひ「髪型は」 Fan: And the hairstyle? せ「麦わら帽子です。これは初出し情報だぞ」 Seichan: A strawhat. This is news that’s being released for the first time ひ「SNSで拡散しますね」 Fan: I’ll spread it on SNS, ok せ「をっ！釣れちゃうかな？(笑)」 Seichan: Woh! Will it entice people, I wonder? (Laughs)

せ「実は私もbotさん見て情報もらってんだよね～(笑)」 Seichan: Actually, I also look at bot-san to receive news, you know~ (laughs) ひ「botさんにも夏のせいちゃん、麦わら帽子って載ったから、せいちゃんが気紛れで麦わら帽子を被って無かったら、俺終わってた(笑)」 Fan: Even bot-san thought summertime Seichan, you’ll wear a straw hat, but Seichan is fickle and didn’t wear it so I’m finished (Laughs) せ「被ってますよ～、麦わら帽子♪」 Seichan: I’ll wear it, yeah~ the straw hat ♪

ひ「(湯本)亜美ちゃんのハンドメイドってせいちゃん発信じゃないよね」 Fan: (Yumoto) Ami-chan’s didn’t give Seichan her handmade thing, huh せ「違う、あの人勝手にやってる(笑)」 Seichan: It’s not like that, that person does as she wants (laughs) ひ「けど、結構作ってるみたいだから、今年の誕生日プレ��ントでおねだりすれば？」 Fan: But, it seems nicely made so, are you going to pester her for one for this year’s birthday present? せ「何時も作ってるんだから、頂戴よ～って？(笑)」 Seichan: You’re (I’m?) always making them so, please~ like that? (Laughs) ひ「そうそう(笑)」 Fan: Yeah, yeah (Laughs)

@0payu0 SKEのオーデ受けてたなんて初耳だよ Fan: Why’ve we only just heard that you were accepted for the SKE audition huh せいちゃん：私たまに言ってたよ〜！雑誌でも言ってた！カットされただけ🤢 Seichan: I’ve said it sometimes~! I’ve even mentioned it in magazines! It’s only that it’s been cut 🤢

姉と2人で？ Fan: Both you and your sister? せ：そう。5期。まだ資料持ってるよ！書類審査受かって…辞退したの Seichan: Yeah. 5th gen. I still have the documents! Official audition acceptance documents... that I rejected

【大悲報】 【Tragic News】 今夏、せいちゃんのｾｸｽｨ水着見れず This summer, we won’t be seeing Seichan’s sᴇxɪ swimsuit

せいちゃん「私あんまりプール好きじゃないんだよね><」<br>Seichan: I don’t really like pools, you know ><<br>パリピな感じが？ Fan: Is it because of the club-goer feelings 「うん…」 Seichan: Yeah...

@SEINA_CHUKI M「今日浴衣意外だったな」 Fan: I was surprised today (‘s outfit) was a yukata せ「え？そう！？」 Seichan: Eh? Is that so!? M「うん。8月の個別が浴衣の日あったから」 Fan: Yeah. Cos August has it’s own yukata day せ「あーフライング浴衣です！8月見れない方も居るかなぁと思って。優しさ優しさ」 Seichan: Ah, it’s a yukata early start! I thought since there’d be people who wouldn’t be able to come in August. So kind so kind M「お、そうゆう事ね(笑)」 Fan: Oh, so it is laik dis huh (laughs)

@happiness48hills

せ）（私の連れのミニ🦊を見て）この子鼻無くない？

Seichan: (After seeing my accompanying mini 🦊) This child doesn’t have a nose? ふ）あー！ホンマや（黒い鼻がない）初期不良返品交換！ Fan: Ahh! Actually (the black nose isn’t there) it’s an early failure returned goods せ）（笑） Seichan: (Laughs)

せ）福岡聖菜を宣伝して来た？ Seichan: Is it from Fukuoka Seina’s advertisement? ふ）（関係者談）したらせいちゃん効果は本当かもしれんと！関連商品が突然売れ出したらしく… Fan: (From talking to the staff) it might really be Seichan’s effect! The related products were suddenly selling

@kubo_kimi く「けもみみレシピさ、俺の友達小倉唯ファンで話したら驚いてた」 Fan: You know, about Kemomimi Recipe, I was really surprised, my friend who’s a fan of Ogura Yui was talking about it せ「すごい声優さんだよね、あたしのキャラメインの3番目なんだよ」 Seichan: They’re wonderful seiyuus huh, why is my character in the main TOP 3 く「すっげえwwwラジオ決まって声優でしょ、みんなうわぁぁぁなってるわ」 Fan: Whoaaa lololol Your radio show was decided, and you’re a seiyuu, everyone’s like Uwaaaaa せ「自分で今、こんなんになるなんて考えられなかったよ」 Seichan: How I am right now, I never would have thought I could get here

@lottan110 せ:ねぇねぇ今度ヨーコさんに浴衣着てもらってよ！浴衣祭り来る？ Seichan: Hey hey this time I got Youko-san to wear a yukata yo! Are you coming for the yukata festival? ア:う、うん日曜日はいくけど…（戸惑い） Fan: Y-Yeah, I’m coming on Sunday but... (bewildered) せ:じゃあその時！ふたりで甚平と浴衣で！ Seichan: Then at that time! Both of us will be jinbei (male summer clothes) and yukata! ア:はい、前向きに…（戸惑い） Fan: Yes, I’ll be looking forward... (bewildered) せ：絶対ね！ Seichan: Definitely, ok!

ペースを狂わせてくるせいちゃん、かわいいじゃあねえか(≧∀≦) Seichan who derailed my pace, isn’t she cutee (≧∀≦)

@seina_f801

み｢ねぇ今からじゃんけんして勝ったらふくおお持ち帰りしていい？｣ Fan: Hey, if I win a Janken with you right now can I have one night with Fukuo? せ｢だめです（真顔）｣ Seichan: That’s no good (serious face) み｢ですよね、まぁとりあえずじゃんけんしよう｣ Fan: It isn’t, huh, welp let’s just janken for now せ｢いいよ、よーーし｣ Seichan: Okay, yo —sh

せーの ✊✌✋ Ready, set, ✊✌✋

👮‍♀️｢あ、じゃんけんはちょっと、、｣ 👮‍♀️: Ah, Janken is a bit...

み、せ｢☹️☹️｣ Fan, Seichan: ☹️☹️

Thanks for reading Seichan’s handshake report! As always, I’m not a Japanese speaker at all, I’m kind of fumbling my way through so the translation will definitely have errors! Please feel free to message me if you see any ( ；∀；)