#this sounds fun eue

[coffee-without-anesthetics]

queue -> q -> queue (with a french accent) -> a tail -> queue -> kolejka -> a railway

[dedalvs]

Bar none, what is the absolute weirdest and most outlandish conlang you have ever encountered? Dont say javascript pls

First, interesting news! @quothalinguist and I were recently at MIT where they were doing fMRI studies on speakers of conlangs, as well as speakers of other languages, and of people who were taking a look at things that might be like language. Long story short: The brain can't distinguish conlangs from natural languages, but it can distinguish them from music, logic problems, math, and programming languages! So any time you hear anyone say, "But programming languages are languages, too!", apparently our brains don't think so.

So, the craziest conlang I ever saw was a language I followed in Conlang Relay 10 in 2004, and it turns out that the language wasn't outlandish, per se, rather it was produced via means I had to discover, and then it all made sense. It was called Metes, and it was by someone who went by the handle Rodlox.

For those who aren't familiar, a conlang relay is a bit like the game Telephone. User A translates a text into their conlang, then passes the translated text onto User B, who decodes it using a grammar and lexicon provided by User A, then translate it into their own conlang, and passes it on to User C, who does the same. It's loads of fun, because the texts wind up sounding silly by the end of it. Here's an example of the first sentence (just the English translation of it) in the first few turns of this ring of Relay 10:

Original translation in Wenedyk by Jan van Steenbergen: "O dear, what's happened? Yesterday, a pretty young girl came to our home to watch over the baby."

Next translation in Kali-sise by Jeffrey Henning: "O dear, what's happened? Yesterday, a pretty young girl came to our home to watch over the baby."

Next translation in 'Yemls by Jeff Jones: "Oh, $$$$! Has something happened?"

Next translation in Byashrei by Rebecca Harbison: "Alas! Did this really happen?"

Next translation in Proto-Drem by Kevin Urbanczyk: "Did these events just occur? Yes or No?"

So you can see how, little by little, oddities are introduced. I was number 14 in this relay. Here's number 12:

Twelfth translation in Chrol by Apollo Hogan: "'It happened', I won't say. I don't believe this."

A little strange, but still recognizable. Now here's the Metes translation by Rodlox. Now you have to understand: This is their own translation into English of their own text. (And, yes, Rodlox is a native English speaker.)

"Fitted together yesterday", Wary to speak of eternity. Wary now to speak of inquests.

Here's the rest of it:

Spoken of the infant for the year yesterday. Now the female adult relative takes suspiciously, spoken yesterday. Spoken yesterday. To thrive, the suspicious adult female relative works to see! Male adult relative ran stridingly below through the year, male adult relative. Tell now, of the need yesterday. Sing of very nervously conquering supremely yesterday of this day ’s year! Now the demon thrives completely. Related male adult now nervous, wickedly seeing the toothed demon now sticks to conquer. (?) related adult female. Now runs away. To wickedly see - to try to see - demon today completely suspicious now. Inquest - revealing completeness thriving for eternity - now to speak suspiciously. The suspicious adult relative is more suspicious now!, now to take. Fitted together yesterday" surprised by suspicious spirit, hesitant to speak of forever.

I didn't add that question mark: That's their own question mark! That is, even they are not sure what their conlang text means!

But, of course, I didn't even have that to work with. I had this:

"J\qYes-ar", attau'at-tollqW-bartabad. aubartabad-ayer-tollqW-bartabad. J\qYes-teqwos-Yer. ayer-teqWenn-bartabad-*-aWo, J\qYes- tollqW-. J\qYes- tollqW. bell-bartabad-*- aWo-aWoauau. Yer-beCW-J\eub-J\qYes- steIq-@-aWo. ayer-tell, J\qYes-teqWenn. spennd-J\qYes- sWeldsreu-sWeldsreu-WeIq-WeIq-ayer-Yer-Yer. ayer-J\eue-ayer-annnnsu-bell. ayer sWeldsreu-@ - aWo, aubartabad- annnnsu-ayer-tennnnt-steq-WeIq-*-aWo. ayer-apo-beCW. aubartabad-annnnsu-ayer-J\eue-bartabad-auau. aubartabad-J\eue-attau'at-bell- ayer-tollqW-bartabad. bartabad-aWo-aWo-ayer-as-bartabad, ayer-teqWenn. J\qYes-ar-auaubartabad-annnnsu-bartabad, attau'at-tollqW-bartabad.

This looked like absolute gobbledygook to me. I mean, set aside the capital letters, etc.; they're using X-SAMPA, which allows you to type IPA with ASCII; it's supposed to look like that. Instead, look at the distribution of [n]. It occurs either twice in a row or four times in a row. And this isn't a romanization: This is how it's pronounced! You'll also notice [n] never occurs singly.

The grammar notes I was given are here (minus the English translation). Of note, this was the entirety of the grammar:

Metes is neither SVO, VSO, or anything else...it adopts the grammatical sequence of the speaker -- I might say something in VSO, but you could reply in SVO or any other form, and neither of us would be violating Metes grammar.

Linking forms

Male - /schwa/ @  Female - /macron/ *  Impolite - /^/ ^

'Impolite' refers to items and subjects (such as porcupines) too dangerous, & (such as babies) where custom overrides grammar (the Metes consider it to be bad luck - in the most extreme way - to inquire as to a newborn's gender).

This is nice information, to be sure, but woefully incomplete when it comes to translating a text in a language you've never encountered before. The lexicon was equally baffling. Here's a short sample:

WORD (in X-SAMPA) _=_ Original Definition . Metes-specific definitions

amb _=_ Around .  annnn _=_ On .  annnnq _=_ Tight, painfully constricted, painful .  annnnsu _=_ Spirit, demon .  annnnt _=_ Front, forehead .  annnnatuh _=_ worn on forehead .  annnnatuann _=_ (?) on forehead .  apo _=_ Off, away .  apoJ\annnnu _=_ send away {be rid of} a demon .  apotannnnsu _=_ off demon/spirit (mistranslation or religious name?) .  ar- _=_ To fit together .  arq _=_ To shine; white; the shining or white metal, silver .  ararq _=_ to fit together metals {welding? mosaics?} . 

A lot of these words never appear in the text. The thing that blew me away were the question marks. I was like, "You created this! Why are you asking me?!"

The translation was utterly baffling. The first sentence, for example, is:

"J\qYes-ar", attau'at-tollqW-bartabad.

If you go to the lexicon and replace the relevant elements with meanings, that comes out to:

"Yesterday-to-fit-together", beyond-a-year-to-speak-hairy good-something-suspicious-something-that-is-suspected-to-not-be-as-good-as-it-should/might-be.

Combine that with the grammar above, and...what is that?

I did my best to finesse some sort of meaning out of this text, but it utterly baffled me. The things that kept me spiraling were the question marks, as if the creator didn't know what some of this stuff meant, the refusal to give anything a fixed, simple definition, and the bizarre sequences of consonants, with so many occurring two in a row, four in a row... Something was off here, and I couldn't figure it out.

I was stuck on this word "bartabad" that was partially defined as "hairy". It reminded me of the PIE word that ultimately gave us "beard". I did some poking around, and then I found a list online of PIE roots in rough alphabetical order that corresponded in meaning very closely with the list of words in the Metes lexicon.

And that's when I figured out what happened.

Metes essentially uses PIE roots with reconstructed meanings and has sound changes applied, where the "sound change" is a simple find-and-replace that you can do in a word processor.

So, for example, if *h₂enǵʰ- is a root for "tight" or "compressed", you replace h2 (or h generally) with zero, en is replaced by an, ǵʰ is replaced by q, and somewhere along the line, there was a find-and-replace error that caused all the duplication in consonants to happen. There were question marks about what the meanings were, because it wasn't clear what these things would mean if they were put together! It was essentially someone building a conlang based on things they heard others doing without perfectly understanding exactly what they had done. It was all done systematically, but not in a way that would produce something one could identify as a consistent language.

So yeah, that was the biggest head trip for me when looking at a conlang. But sometimes not perfectly understanding how something works allows you to produce something that is absolutely wild—something that no one could create on purpose if they tried. And that's why, almost 20 years later, I still remember Metes. It's made more of an impression than a lot of other conlangs that were technically better. It was something!

[lovelywingsart]

Turning Cogs

-- Karl Heisenberg X OC (AFAB, She/Her) --

Remember 'Apologies'? Well, this is more or less a type of 'follow-up'! Over 20 years later. I may also make a small timeline, or an explanation post about it, but anyway-

This was also a cute fun one, and my favorite right next to 'Chase'. I just... I love cute things for them... I need more cute things for them. It makes me feel a little better.

Please, please don't hate me for what's coming next. (That is, IF I choose to post it immediately after this... I may wait a bit until another story or two is up...)

**Remember, check out the Masterlist for more! <3 **

-----

*Warning?: Cute sappy shit, read at your own risk eue

Summary: A 'task' given years ago leads to a small solution near the end of the line. Emmy has a gift! But what is it? What significance will it hold? Alot more than she thinks, that's for sure!

The factory ran smoothly, production went on as usual, and the hope of freedom permeated the air as the date of the 'revolution' drew near. A few days... It was only a few days. Supposedly, at least. Emelia found herself simply wandering the factory at times, much like Heisenberg himself. Sure, she worked, but it often helped ease her mind of the now constant nervous jitters she found herself experiencing. But she now currently walked with a purpose, making her way to the notorious metal man with an eager hop in her step.

As she wandered the halls, she mused to herself how great all of this had become. The factory, the creations, even the small 'bond' she shared with the man who ran it all. It wasn't much of one, she thought, but recently it had become almost... like a dream. Like an odd, welcoming dream after their talk some weeks ago. He tried... He actually did try, she noticed. After so many years, she had come know the man very well, and the small changes he had made in just a few weeks time were highly evident. She enjoyed them... Thoroughly, at that. He didn't even change himself, and it wasn't a forced change. It was... Natural.

As if the changes were being held back for years.

She found herself smiling more with him. Smiling and genuinely enjoying herself, even laughing at times when they were alone. Even the mechanical menaces didn't prove to be much of an issue lately... Even as she wandered past, the creatures simply ignored her. Sure, she was still somewhat worried about the upcoming events, but she found it easier to keep her mind off of them and relax when he was around. It was wonderful, really.

She made her way to the upper levels after a while with just the smallest bit of excitement. A small jingling in her pocket could be heard as she jogged to the elevator that boosted that feeling, and she couldn't help but smile again. She knew what the sound was... She had been thinking about the small items for years. Literal years. She kept them with her at times ever since he had given her the task well over 20 years ago, and they hadn't left her mind since. Only recently had she finally had an idea for them, and while she had initially considered it a little dumb, it was the only thing she could think of. She just hoped he would agree.

She stepped off the elevator as it creaked to a stop, making her way through more doors and halls until she finally made it to a gold and copper encased door with the 'family' crest in the middle. She paused before opening the door, running her hand along the impression of the stallion that adorned the crest. She had to admit, she had grown fond of it over the years... Knowing that it was coming to a glorious 'end' only filled her with more eagerness as she pressed her palm to the horses nose and opened the door. She was met with an echoing, deep hum of a quiet song. It was one that she recognized, and she couldn't help but join the hum as she rounded the corner. The other hum paused for only a moment, followed by a light chuckle before it continued, now with quiet words.

As she finally reached the personal workshop, she was met with Heisenberg slightly hunched over his work table, a pencil in his hands and small metal objects 'dancing' around him lazily as he sung their tune. Despite the small scraps, he was relatively calm, tilting his head as she approached. His singing only stopped with a chuckle as she casually wrapped her arms around his chest, pressing her face to the back of his neck. It was a common gesture going both ways, and she felt a scarred hand reached to hold her arm.

"Hello there." He mused, turning his head slightly.

"Why did you stop singing?" Emelia asked, being met with a chuckle.

"Because you're in the room now."

"Would you like me to leave then?"

"No, I think prefer you right here." Heisenberg chuckled, finally turning in her arms to face her. He simply leaned back against the table, wrapping one arm around her waist while using the other to direct the scraps to float around them. "Is there something you needed?"

She watched the scraps flutter as if they were moths, tilting her head slightly.

"I came to tell you something. Or... 'give', rather." She said simply, her eye moving to meet his as she leaned against him. He raised a brow in interest.

"Oh?" He said, pausing his hand movements for a moment. "And what could you possibly have to give me?"

She couldn't help but give a small smile, carefully taking a step back, careful not to hit one of the scraps.

"Do you remember that... 'task' years ago? With the defect cogs?"

He watched her for a moment, light confusion entering his features. The cogs... Cogs?? Wait, those cogs??? She couldn't have POSSIBLY meant THOSE cogs. He vaguely remembered the situation, and his nose scrunched.

"Emmy, that was... That was how long ago??" He said, crossing his arms slightly.

"A few years..."

"A few??"

"Ok, more than a few. But that's besides the point." She shook her head reaching into her pocket almost hesitantly. "I believe I found something for them..."

Heisenbergs brows raised in legitimate surprise.

"You what???" He asked, slowly lowering the scraps to the floor as Emelia took hold of something In her pocket. He shook his head. "There... You couldn't have. That task was a joke. A test to see what you would do under stress."

"Well, I didn't take it as one." She shrugged. "You're a sneaky twit, Heisenberg. I wasn't going to let an obvious trick sway me."

"It seemed to 'sway' you back then." He smirked lightly, nearly laughing at the sudden redness that entered her cheeks as vivid memories played in her mind. She rolled her eye and pulled her hand out, her fist curled around something.

"'Tricks' aside, I never stopped thinking about it, and I've finally thought of something." She said, ignoring the knowing chuckle he gave. She cleared her throat slightly, looking at her hand. "Just... promise you won't laugh."

"Why would I ever laugh at you, Emelia?" He mused, only to chuckle again and hold up his arms as she glared at him. "Alright, alright, I'm done. What did you think of?"

"Well..." she started, taking a breath. "I was looking at them, and the holes went all the way through to the other sides, and had some other small ones. They were pretty useless for most things I could come up with, but..."

She opened her hand, letting something fall and clink together- hanging from her fingers were the cogs, each carefully welded to three smaller cogs and wrapped with thin, copper wire, with a thick, black string through the main defective holes. Each main cog held a small bit of red stone in the middle, adding a small bit of color to the otherwise metallic items. She brought them slightly closer to her chest, a deeper blush forming on her face as she watched Heisenbergs eyes widen with simultaneous surprise and interest. Emelia cleared her throat slightly.

"I, um... I'm not the best or most creative, I suppose... and I had the string Donna gifted me, with some of the glass pieces from the Reservoir... I found the wire pieces around here..." she managed, looking at the small necklaces. "It's... It's not much..."

She fell silent for a moment, looking up at the man in front of her. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. His face held a strange mixture of emotion as he held out a hand, beckoning her forward. She held out the hand with the necklaces as she moved, swallowing hard as his fingers gingerly went behind one of the pieces and brought it forward to inspect it.

"... You actually made these?" He asked. She nodded.

"Just some minor welding and scrap melts for the smaller ones..." she replied quietly, watching as his eyes seemed to inspect every small detail. She then frowned slightly. "I... I-I'm sorry, it's... They're stupid-"

"No, no... Not stupid..." he said quietly, now holding both. Each of the smaller cogs were made of different mixed materials, providing an interesting effect once they hit the light. "They're... Impressive."

She perked up slightly.

"Really...?"

He nodded.

"Why are there two?" He asked, glancing up at her with interest. She worked her jaw slightly.

"I... I thought maybe... um..." she tried, avoiding his gaze. "I thought... perhaps... we could each have one... maybe?" She managed, her voice quiet.

There was silence for a few moments, and she could feel his gaze as he fully looked at her. It wasn't until he chuckled that she looked at him, surprised to see a grin on his face.

"Brilliant idea, Emmy." He said, trailing one of the strings up to where her hand held them to carefully remove one from her grip. She stared at him.

"... Really?"

"Sure!" He chuckled, bringing the one he held close to his face to look over it once more. "May I ask what the inspiration was?"

"I... didn't really have one..." she replied, only to go rigid as he reached forward and took hold of her arm to pull her closer.

"Hm." He gave a hum, looking at her once more. "I'd say your pretty creative, Emmy, not even I could think of this."

"It only took me 20 years..." she managed to joke, tilting her head as he held the string open on the necklace he held. "What are you doing-"

She stopped as he reached forward, her face heating up as he simply rested the necklace around her own neck. She looked down as his hands traced the string, caressing the small gears before resting it against her chest.

"I think it suits you." Heisenberg chuckled, holding his hands to the side as if he had achieved something grand with slipping it on. Emelia couldn't help but give a light snort, keeping her eye on it.

"I suppose so..." she replied simply, her eye moving to the one she still held. She was quiet for a moment before taking a breath, doing the same with the second necklace.

She turned it and held it up to his head, opening the string. He was still as she managed to slip it around his own neck, nearly chuckling with amusement as she watched it rest against the necklaces he already wore. She took her hands away, tilting her head as she looked at it. It didn't look TOO odd against the other items...

"Suits you, too..." she said quietly, her hands resting along his chest. He nearly laughed.

"Well congratulations, your task is complete. I'll be damned." He snorted, finally setting his hands on her hips. "Good work."

"You're just saying that..." she chuckled, looking up at him. He shrugged.

"I mean it." He suddenly gave a genuine smile. One she could see in his eyes, and it made her breath catch in her throat. "Thank you, Emelia."

She couldn't help but return the smile, slowly wrapping her arms around his shoulders in a tight hug. He returned the action, his arms surrounding her waist as he pressed his face to her shoulder.

"You're an odd one, Emmy." He nearly whispered.

She could feel his smile against her skin as she chuckled, resting her chin on his own shoulder.

"So are you, Heisenberg." She replied. "You're the oddest one of them all."

"Ah, I beg to differ." He chuckled, using his hand to raise the small scraps from before into the air again, twirling his finger slightly to make them circle the two slowly. Emelia kept her smile, turning her head to bury her face into his neck.

"Beg then, Metalhead."

"Hm." He hummed, pressing a light kiss to the side of her neck. "I think I will."

She lifted her head to question, only to let out a surprised yelp as he suddenly hoisted her over his shoulder.

"Karl!!!"

"Aht aht, no fighting!" He chimed, amused as she started to squirm before he began walking to the side door of the workshop. She only stopped squirming momentarily with a surprised laugh as he pinched her side.

"The bloody hell are you doing?!" She tried, unable to hide her own amusement as he kicked open the door and went down the small hall leading to the 'living quarters'.

"Guess this really does make you the 'lady' of the factory then, yeah?" He joked. She squirmed again, earning another pinch.

"Call- HEY- C-Call me a 'lady' again and see what happens...!!" She laughed, only to nearly stumble back as he suddenly heaved her down, holding into him to keep her balance. She was met with a quick kiss, keeping the smile on her face.

"Fine then, the 'wench' of the factory." He joked, letting out his own laugh as she smacked his shoulder.

"That's even worse you twit!"

"Ah, no need for that, Emmy!"

He nudged her forward, giving another quick kiss before she nearly fell over as the edge of the bed hit the back of her legs.

"Are you mad?!" She laughed, nearly falling back as he nudged her again. Instead she just flopped back, holding out her arms for him as he crawled over her with a chuckle.

"I was planning on taking a break anyway." He replied simply before falling to his side next to her. She chuckled as his arms suddenly went around her, bringing her tightly to his chest.

"I still have work to do!" She argued, though didn't actively try to get away. Instead, she cuddled to his chest as he snorted.

"Doesn't seem like you're all too concerned about it, Doll."

"Maybe because you're warmer than the Foundry."

"I'll take that at a compliment."

"As you should."

She couldn't help but relax in his arms, her gaze drifting to the gear necklace around his neck. It made her feel... proud. Proud and another feeling she couldn't quite pin down. She reached up and caressed it lightly, feeling as he looked down.

"You really like them...?" She asked quietly, only to jump as he cupped her chin and had her look at him.

"I love them." He replied, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Stay here for a while, we'll get back to work soon."

She was silent with a smile, nodding and nuzzling under his chin carefully before wrapping her own arm around him.

"Fine... I get to decide the next break time, then." She said. He chuckled.

"It's a deal."

[dw-writes]

Dial Tone Devil - Chapter One

Summary: Lucifer’s reputation of granting favors is the second best thing his known for. So when you ask for one - point blank - and offer him immediate repayment in the form of a coin he thought to be long gone, he immediately agrees. But you come with baggage, and series of suspicious circumstances, and Lucifer finds himself full invested in your story.

All because of a suspiciously familiar coin.

Interesting.

A/N: Listen...... just listen to me, I know I shouldn’t be writing another series but I don’t even care, I’ve wanted to do something for Lucifer for FOREVER so I decided to eue. SO. I hope that you enjoy this. It’s a lot of fun, I have it all plotted out (for once) and I’m THRILLED for it.

If you’d like to be tagged in this, please let me know!!! I’ll be more than happy to tag you.

Chapters: Chapter One || Chapter Two || Chapter Three || Chapter Four || Chapter Five || Chapter Six || Chapter Seven || Chapter Eight || Chapter Nine || Chapter Ten || Chapter Eleven || Chapter Twelve || Chapter Thirteen || Chapter Fourteen || Chapter Fifteen

More Content: Dial Tone Christmas || The Keys to Lux || Quarantine

To Tag: @revinval @spotgaai2000 @measure-in-pain @kittenlittle24 @broadwayandnetflix

It started with a coin, a weird gold one with a star on one side. You found it on the road outside of a club as you walked home, sitting on the curb without anyone or anything around it. You flipped it over, weighed the heavy – and scalding – coin in your palm as you stared up at the club behind you.

The club was Lux.

You tilted your head, squinting as the sun glared off the multiple glass panes, and glanced down at the coin.

“Sorry, dear, but we have to let you go. Business reconstruction, you understand.”

“Listen, it’s not…This isn’t a personal thing, but your work this year just hasn’t been up to snuff. You’re gonna have to repeat the class next year, get your grade replaced with a better one.”

“We’ve given you extensions every month on you’re rent, we can’t keep doing this. You have to be on time, this month, or you have to find somewhere else to live.”

If divine providence was real, this was a holy intervention. You rolled the coin around in your palm, pressing the burning metal into your palm as you made your way to the door. It hurt to walk. Your arms ached as you pushed open the frosted glass door. The dark atmosphere immediately made your eyes heavy as you looked around the entrance and made your way down the hall and into the club proper.

A woman looked up from the bar, narrowing her dark eyes as she cleaned a set of glasses. “We’re closed.”

“Sorry, sorry, I—” You cleared your throat and plucked the coin from your hand. Even in the dark, you could see the pentagram seared into your flesh, already forming a welt where it had sat. “I found this? Outside?”

She made her way around the bar with echoing steps. “You found this?” She snatched it from your fingers. “Outside?”

You  nodded extremely slowly. “Yes, I did.” You watched as she frowned, turning it over in her hands. “Um, can I ask you something?”

“Make it quick,” she answered, distracted, as she pulled her phone from her tight leather pants. She started to punch in a number, and set the phone on the counter.

“Are you guys hiring?”

She started to answer, still distracted by the coin in her hands, and paused. Stared at you. Narrowed her eyes even more. They traveled down your body, and the eyebrow with the scar cutting it in two slowly inched up. She nodded, satisfied, and returned her eyes to your face. “Can you dance?” she asked.

“I—excuse me?”

“Maze, you can take care of everything here for the day? The detective called, we have a case, and—” You and the bartender – Maze – turned towards the British voice. The man, dressed to the nines, paused as he came down the stairs from an elevator. “Oh, hello there.” He buttoned the coat at his waist and held out a hand. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure.” You took his hand, voice catching on multiple starts of multiple sentences. “I’m Lucifer. Morningstar.”

You blindly reached out and sloppily grabbed the coin from Maze’s hand, holding it up in front of your face. And his. “Like the Devil?” you asked. His face, a mask of charm and allure, fell as he went cross-eyed, staring at the coin. “I found this outside on the curb.”

“Did you now,” he breathed, slowly, with a voice so full of reverence you thought you offered him diamonds. “Funny, I lost a coin just like this a while back to my father.” As he reached for it, you dropped the coin back into your palm. Now, it was him who was at a loss for words.

“Are you hiring?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Are you hiring?” you repeated. He released your hand to slide his into perfectly tailored pockets. You swallowed, and stuttered, “I need a job, badly. I can bartend, I can answer phones, I can do paperwork, Hell, I will clean—”

“Will you give me the coin?” You started at the sudden statement. He smiled. On another face, it would be slimy. “Consider the job a favor on my behalf, and all I ask is for the coin.” You stared at Maze, who had poured herself a drink between Lucifer arriving and that moment, and now drank slowly with a shrug. “You can answer phones? How about my assistant, hm? You can work here in the club, use the office – I don’t find much use for it anyway. Make sure paperwork is all in line, orders, all the not fun legal things that make Lux run.”

“For how—”

He turned to Maze. “What does a job like that pay? What do you make, catching all those nasty humans?”

“Enough.”

“Hm.” He turned back to you. “How about we say…Thirty? An hour?” You choked on the air in your lungs.

“That sounds low, Lucifer, you could better,” Maze prompted.

“Forty?”

You stepped back and pressed a hand to your chest. Were those palpitations? You were very sure you were having palpitations over the flippancy of which the British club owner was negotiating your wages. You could see Maze’s lips turn down in a massive, expressive frown. “Oh, why not fifty, that sounds reasonable.” He paused, and stared at a distant spot on the wall. “No, an even fifty-one. An hour, of course. That puts you just north of one-hundred-thousand dollars a year.”

You started to laugh: small, delirious giggles that bubbled out of your mouth like rabid foam. You covered your mouth to try and stifle them, and found it impossible. Tears pricked your eyes. Maze nodded slowly.

“That’s so much?” you tried to say around your laughter. “I—”

“Oh, don’t worry.” He smiled. “I will personally ensure that you earn that money.”

You held out the coin. He plucked it from your fingers, and tucked it into a pocket inside his blazer. “Perfect. I happen to know a few good lawyers, we can get the paperwork drawn up before the end of the day.” His hand slid over your shoulder, and turned you around, towards the door you had walked through. “Do you have the time? We can head to an office now, get everything settled, and you can start tomorrow.”

You pressed your fingers into your cheeks to smooth the tears away. “You don’t even know my name,” you whispered.

He leaned into the door to prop it open. “And what is it?” he asked. You gave it, quietly, breathlessly, and he smiled something akin to the sun. “Splendid…”

The paperwork was easy enough: a stack of legalese so small you thought you were getting dizzy, but you asked for a copy of it and found it sound. You even took notes. Lucifer escorted you out to his car as you read through the contract a second time, and then a third. You sank into the passenger’s seat of his beautiful convertible and sighed.

“Is something wrong? We can go back in and fix things,” he said as he sat in behind the wheel.

“No!” you exclaimed, looking up, “No, no, this is wonderful. I—” You gasped and shook your head, looking up through the windshield. Even in the parking lot, the lawyer he knew had a Hell of a view of the City of Angels. You sat back against the leather. “I never thought anything like this could happen.”

“What, you never thought you’d meet the Devil?” he asked with a grin.

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, I…” You hugged the contract to your chest. “I never thought I’d get more second chances.” You looked up. “Thank you, Lucifer.”

He started the car. “Well, don’t thank me yet. You still owe me a favor.” He motioned to you. “Buckle up.”

“No? I don’t, I gave you your coin, that was the agreement.” You sat back as he turned out of the parking lot. “What do I need to know? Being your…assistant.”

“Oh, well, you’ll be helping me to manage Lux,” he slowed at a stop sign and continued on, peeling away from the intersection without a sound. “Like I said: orders, hiring—”

“Hiring?”

“Book acts, and parties, and setting up events—”

“Okay—”

“Taking phone calls for me, like the ones from the police. I mean, I know I’m consultant, but it isn’t my day job.”

“Should I write this down?”

“Oh, and finding a way to make sure the Holy can’t just drop into my place of business.” He violently rolled his eyes. “Find a witch doctor, curse the place, I don’t care, I can’t stand my brother dropping in at all times when he feels like it.” He tapped his fingers against the wheel. “Except when he wants a drink, then he drop as much money as he wants. And then there’s my mother, I can’t stand getting her calls on top of the Detective’s and the police departments—do they not understand that I have other things to attend to? Not that I dislike either, but I—”

You sucked on your teeth, looked around in your bag, and scribbled a list out on the back of a receipt. “Got it.”

“Wha—” He stopped at a light and stared at you. “You did?”

You nodded and lifted the list. “Anything else?”

Lucifer paused. He sat back in the seat, and stared at the light above his head. “Huh. I should have thought of hiring you years ago.”

You tilted your head and smacked your lips. “Well, I didn’t live in L.A. years ago, so you’ve lucked out.”

“You didn’t?” He hummed, and started back down the road. “Well, tell me about yourself! I know nothing of you, save your name and the luck of your timing.”

You continued to scribble on the receipt, notes that for what you could do to fulfill the requests he’s made of you, and rattled off the information he asked of you, “I took a break after high school that turned into a decade of poor choices and shitty apartments in equally shitty cities and situations across the country, and now I’m here.”

“Here doing what?” he prodded.

“School?” you offered, “I dunno, I’m just trying to find something that catches my attention and gives me that spark.” You shrugged. “It’s hard. Just not enough of the right chemicals for my brain to sit in.”

“Excuse me?”

You sighed. “It’s nothing.”

Lucifer took pause. “This must be what the Detective feels when I’m talking…”

You looked up, and folded the list together to stick into your bag. “Are you taking me home?” you asked when you finally looked up and saw the buildings whizzing past.

“No, back to Lux, but if you want me to take you home, I certainly can,” he answered with a wink and smile.

You nodded slowly. “Not what I meant.”

“Oh.”

“Uh, what street are we on?” You turned around to stare at a street sign. “We need to go to McArthur Park.”

“McArthur—” You thought the tires burned with how hard he slammed on the brakes. You braced against the dashboard, wheezing as the seatbelt cut into your chest. “You will not be staying there, certainly not when you’re working for me.”

“It was the only place I could afford, given the circumstances,” you protested, looking over. “And I can update my lease by month, in case I need somewhere else to live.”

“Good.” He leaned on the wheel as he stared at you. “Then you will no problem moving into Lux.”

“Excuse me—”

“Oh I will not be excusing any part of you. Consider Lux part of your employment package.” He scoffed, shifted gears, and continued to drive. You opened your mouth. “No exceptions!” He shook he head. “Cannot believe you thought you could drive from McArthur Park—what if I needed you right away?”

“I don’t drive, I take the bus,” you whispered.

“Well, that’s even worse!”

“It’s not??” You stared as he continued to complain, now on a completely new tangent, shaking his head. You wondered just what you got yourself into with such a deal – a new job, a new home, and a chance to restart?

Who in the world did you make a deal with?

[uwumessenger]

Hiya!! I love your blog and your headcannons! I don't know if your requests are open right now, if they aren't feel free to ignore this and I'm sorry for asking. But if they are! I was wondering how the RFA + V and Saeran would react to an Australian MC or just an MC who isn't from South Korea. Thank you so much in advance! Hope you have a good one!

thank you for requesting!! and sorry for taking so long aha AP tests still kiLLINg me softly eue and sorry about these being a bit short too!! but i hope you enjoy <3

also let’s assume that MC has very recently moved to south korea and just pretend language barriers dont exist here aHAHA B)

Yoosung

when he firsts speaks to you on the phone, he’s surprised by your voice!

he also has no idea what you look like, so he’d definitely wonder about that for a while

BEGS seven to give you access to send photos T-T

but he has a lot of fun getting to know you and where you’re from, especially because he hasn’t travelled as much as anyone else in RFA

when he finally meets you he thinks back to when he was first imagining what you looked like

and tells you all about it

also teaches you a lot of cool youthful slang B)

you both immediately plan a trip to australia (or for other MC’s, insert your home country) aT THE PARTY-

Zen

zen would also spend a lot of time wondering about what you look like

he wants to know your skin type especially, so he can recommend products to you

lots of conversations that include comparing different skincare brands and products

convos about the best places to hold photoshoots also take place

when all the chaos dies down he takes you out to sightsee all the popular places as well as any hidden gems he knows of

if zen wasn’t an actor he could definitely do well as a tour guide haha

Jaehee

since jaehee is one of the few members who are suspecting of you, she’d first disguise her investigation tactics as getting-to-know-you

but eventually she’d find herself genuinely interested in you

your lifestyle just sounds so much more fun compared to hers

like yoosung, she doesn’t get to travel around as much as the rest

so you both sit down and plan a round trip to a bunch of places you guys wanna see, then to australia (or for other MC’s, insert your home country), and back to south korea

of course she wants you to settle down first, she understands that you’ve just been through a hell of a lot haha

so the trip is planned for the following year!

Jumin

jumin travels the most so he’s most definitely already been to australia  (or for other MC’s, insert your home country)

but he’s only ever travelled for business, not really for holiday or vacation

like yoosung, he is intrigued by your voice but he likes it a lot

ah yes he totally would give you a tour in one of his helicopters

a whole new world playing in the background

overall, he has a lot of fun getting to know you and bonding over similar and different experiences alike

707/Saeyoung

seven too has been around a lot for work, but never gets to travel just for the hell of it

and he could listen to you talk about your life experiences all day

unlike some of the other members he is set on travelling to space before anywhere else

so no airplane rides anytime soon with this guy LOL

but if he ever sees you homesick he’s quick to comfort you

even tries to use minecraft to replicate your favorite place in australia (or for other MC’s, insert your home country)

V

v is probably the only member who had travelled away at least twice for recreational purposes

but he’s never been to australia (or for other MC’s, insert your home country) before !

in the getting to know you process he would guess what your answer would be to a question before asking it, and secretly get happy inside if what he guessed was correct

when you guys meet he gives you a ton of advice for living here

on your bday he would try to paint a photo of your favorite place, which you gave to him when he asked for it

when you guys are a bit older you travel to your home town and recreate some of your baby/childhood photos hehe

Saeran

he is interested in literally everything about you

your voice, your style, your stories...everything

he’s been sheltered his entire life and admires how free and different you are from him

you both spend time together exploring different ice cream shops and bakeries in south korea

flying would probably give him anxiety so no travel plans for now

and no matter how many days, months, or years pass, he is always excited when it comes to talking with you and comparing your experiences

but nothing tops the feeling he gets when you guys try out something new together

he loves making memories with you and being apart of you and your life <333

[pawnshopsouls]

Smash or Pass for Bonely - Thalessa eue

Bonely sat back and rubbed his chin. Thal’s a good friend, definitely a lot of fun to be around, and one of the only reasons he’d ever venture near open water.

“Heh, dunno how much this would mean coming from skeleton,” he chuckled with a shrug, “but smash sounds like a good option with Thal.~”

[sweetcatmintea]

Brb

Here’s another short story for you guys! (It’s very short because I was sick and wanted something a little easier) 

The text format is important to the story so I made fake screenshots. They’re a bit long so they continue under the cut. There’s also a purely typed version beneath that for people who have difficulty with images. I loved this idea, but I don’t think I stuck the landing <.<;; Anyways, I hope you enjoy! (Feedback is appreciated!)

(Also, this was partially inspired by conversations with @inkovert​)

Words: 732

Typed version: 

Recipient: Best Fren

Today 9:37pm

Sent:         Heeyy! We haven’t seen each other in forever T-T                   We gotta remedy that! 

Received: I know, I know! We should catch a movie or smth                  Are you free this weekend? Or do you have another essay 

Sent:         Nope! Last essay was done yesterday~                   I’m freeeeee :D I think the weekend would work for me ^u^ ^u^  

Received: Good to hear                  Sweet! 

Sent:        Soooo                 How was your day? You had that super strict prof. hey?   

Received: Nah, that was yesterday                  I had the hippie one today                  It was good tho. He forgot that we had like 20 readings assigned and                   when on this long speel about how mochas are an affront to nature                       lolz

Sent:       Speel?  

Received: Shuddup. I’m not an English major. You got my point >:T 

Sent:        Yeah yeah, whatever excuse you want ;p                 What’s his problem with mocha’s?? They’re so good :o                  (I want one now <.<;;) 

Received: Idk, something about you have coffee /or/ hot chocolate, you                                 shouldn’t have both at once (imagine that shruggy emoticon. I don’t                     have him  saved) Tbh I fell asleep a little their  

                *there 

Sent:       eue  

Received: shuddup

Sent:       ;)                Uni feels.                Hows your cat?? The new one (I forgot his name orz orz) Photo plz?  

Received: !!! She’s so good yo                 (If good means is a tiny demon bent on destroying my home but gets                     away with it because she’s cute <u<;;;;;)                 Her name is king!!  

                 No photos, my phone is full >~<

Sent:       Aww! She’s perfect!!! 

               Dude, again?  

Received: Look,,, life be like that sometimes

Sent:        gosh 

 Received: XP

                  There she goes again                   She’s makin a racket

                  How’s so much chaos stored in such a tiny package??

Sent:         She’s probably grumpy you were at uni allll day instead of with her

Received:  Q-Q I need to do the study tho

Sent:         She is unaffected by your mortal delemnas

                 Dilemnas?

                 Dilemmas

                There we go

 Received: eue

Sent:          shuddup

                  I can take her off your hands for you >;3

Received:  Nuuuu! She’s my goblin >:(

Sent:          Hahaha

Received: You’re terrible

Sent:         I know ;p

Received: I’ve had such a long day and you just make fun of me TTnTT                  I want my money back (;p)  

Sent:        Aww :( What happened?

Received: Nothing much, honest, it’s just been a Day

Sent:        Ah yeah,

Received: Woke up late, (I need a new alarm or smth), roommate left the milk                       out last night so I have no milk, tripped over King tryin to leave so I                        had to spend ten minutes trying to apologise @-@

                  Uni was ok but when I was walking back I kept hearing things so I                        had to pause my music a bunch and the battery died ughhhh

Sent:         Dude, that sucks                   Your roommate is the worst >:(                   I’m sure King knows it was an accident!

Received: It’s not too bad, just a notsogreat day. Thanks tho.                  Ikr. She’s out tonight thank satan. If I had to listen to one more                             murderer docco while I’m tryin to sleep, they’d have to update it with                     my  name =_=

                 It’s probably why she’s knocking so much stuff over. Sighh it’s a                           good thing all my stuff is cheap I guess

Sent:         Hahaha yeah yeah, you’re so scary :p                  I’ll help you hide the body, the courts would understand :3

                 She’s redecorating for free!

 Received: One sec, that was a loud one. She’s probably bin diving. I gotta sort                    this out

Sent:         Noo! Let her unleash her chaotic potential!!

Today 10:02 pm

Sent:         That must be one big mess. I don’t envy you :T 

Today 10:15 pm

Sent:          Bro?  

Today 10:30 pm

Sent:          I’m guessing you lost your phone (again) or fell asleep … No                                worries! Text me when you can ^u^  

Received: I’m back.

Sent:         Yayy!! Did you sort out King?  

Received: Yes. What is your address again?

Sent:         ? Don’t you have it already?   

Received:  No. I checked. 

Sent:         Ohhh,, did your phone eat my contact again? I swear, the universe is                    against our Very Good friendship >:T Don’t worry, I’ll meet you @ the                    train station like usual :3  

Received: I don’t have it. I want to meet at your house.

Sent:         I mean, yeah ok, but..You good?  

Received: Yes.

Sent:         Ok, but, you sure?? You kinda sound… Idk  

Received: I am fine :). I don’t have your address to meet up and see a movie. 

Sent:           Ok, I don’t want to press it or anything, and I totally get that you                           might not want to talk about it but, well, you didn’t do the @ joke                           and you sound kinda… sad? so if you decide you’re not ok and you                     wanna vent a little, feel free to hit me up, k? :)  

Received:   Ok. What’s your address? 

Sent:           I’ll send it, two secs 

[manabingu]

How about your special child for the yugioh meme?

FUYA OKUDAIRA! The Defender of the Galaxy itself! Different Dimension ESPer Robin!

Why I like them/why I don’t

THIS IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE AND HE IS BEST BOY EVER DON’T @ ME. ✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*  \(◕ヮ◕)/

Hahaha XD no but I can seriously go on for hours and hours about how much I absolutely ADORE Fuya. The reason I like him so much is because I relate to him to an almost incomparable level. We are both actors, we both have confidence issues and sometimes feel like people only care about us because we are part of a certain well known franchise/fandom & worry if people like us for just being ourselves so we sometimes struggle when it comes to making new friends even if we CAN be outgoing….yo its like lookin at a mirror. ((like, its safe to assume that he knows he is good at what he does but he always questions himself if he did it right or if it was enough)). And we both would protect our moms with our life because they are the person we cherish most in our life, YOU KNOW HOW RARE it is to show boys who treat their moms with respect in shows sometimes??? Usually you see boys being all bothered when they get scolded but even when his mom is strict, he never disrespects her & I think its VERY important for  young boys to be taught to be kind to their moms, thas just me.. But to focus more on Fuya though, he is selfless,adorable yet charming,kind, gentle, and even when he is busy, he will do everything he can to help you, even if it’s scary or dangerous he won’t care. If you are somebody he loves, he will become your hero irl.

PLUS HELLO. He is a tokusatsu actor!  If THAT isn’t literally the BEST concept for a YuGiOh character I dunno WHAT is! He is what 13? But already doing all these brave things! Like stunt work and ADR and aHHH! Just his celebrity  life in general is fun to think about! The closest recent real life counterpart I can think of is Shota Taguchi who plays Koguma Sky Blue in the Sentai series Kyuranger, he is the same age and OmyGOD I just love talented, humble young people who just wanna have fun and do their best! I root for em and become a stage mom myself woops XD! But that’s why Himeko Okudaira is there for. (sorry that’s my fan name for Fuya’s mom cuz she didn’t have one in the credits). Fuya is LITERALLY the BIGGEST missed opportunity in the franchise and he deserved to become a bigger part of the story, SO MANY TOKUSATSU INSPIRED CARDS COULDA BEEN MADE! My boy was robbed ;w;/ But yo, If I HAD MONEY, I would turn Different Dimension ESPer Robin into a REAL tokusatsu or a movie cuz he HAS. SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL.

What I like about their appearance

AHAHAHAHAH eUe more like…what DON’T I like??? LOOKIT HIS FACE.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MORE GORGEOUS CREATURE???  Yes, again I probably have a blue hair addiction bit honestly, he has the most BEAUTIFUL eyes, such a lovely shade of  jade. I could just stare at him for hours and if he is sad, I just tell him that everything will be ok

Do I prefer their dub names or original names?

Fuya Okudaira/ESPer Robin for sure! But Nelson Andrews does sound pretty fancy! THO TBH like why DID they change it to The Sparrow??? I mean, yeah there is a hero named Robin already but I still think it’s not the same, he has the word Esper in front of it?? I guess Sparrow isn’t bad tho, but it doesn’t sound as powerful or conveys his galactic superpowers =w=

OTP

Ok, because he didn’t really interact romantically with anyone in canon I can’t say that I have one for sure. BUT I thought about which character he has the HIGHEST probability of ending up with & I can safely say that would be Sanagi Chono. They’re both popular celebs so they probably would work together at some point & fall in love ^w^ it would be so cute! I think I called it Idolbirdshipping or something XD?? Yeah, I wanna see that happen. And I think his mom would approve. In my headcanon, Sanagi plays the Princess of Vortexy ESPer Robin has to save from one of the evil emperor Furious Dead Max’s lackeys. So maaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe it can happen??

a crackship (besides myself) would be him and Astral cuz he a fanboy fff. And Spidershipping can be cute but to me its more of a real good friendship. 

NOTP

Please for the love of god don’t ship him with family. Just dont.

OT3

Fuya, Yuma and Astral?… BUT I’M GONNA BE SELFISH and say Fuya, Takashi & their moms/dads because of that one Prince & the Pauper AU me and @cozymochi fanspazzed about eons ago. 

And if we are talking ESPer Robin exclusively, Esper Robin/Beast Warrior Puma & Phoenix Beast Gairuda are the 3 musketeers!

Favourite card they use

GALAXY QUEEN. Because “You Just Summoned Your Mom” is the single most hilarious line ever uttered in the franchise.

But Superdimensional Robot Galaxy Destroyer is a close second!

Favourite moment they were in

When he and his mom had reconciliation in his debut episode. Like I KID YOU NOT. Every single time I watch that episode I cry like a BABY. There hasn’t beena single time when I didn’t, it’s just one of those surefire things that makes me cry every time.

Least favourite moment

THAT ONE TIME IN THE OPENING WHERE THEY BASICALLY CLICKBAITED YOU INTO THINKING HE WAS GONNA HAVE A BIG ROLE BUT THEY ROBBED MY BOY. Also that time where he went Infinity War on us ;w;….mother….I don’t feel so good…. cries.

Would I fuck, marry or kill them

100000000000000% Marry. I wanna make sure he is happy forever and ever and ever and I wanna protect his smile  encourage & support all his projects and be in movies and tv shows with my best boy and join the family business of acting oQwQo!! Heartland Hollywood here I come!

[yans-selfshipstand]

4, 11, 15, 29, 45, 58, and 64. Have fun~ e we

oh god, so many X’D

4. A group of your favourite characters are talking suspiciously to one other, but as soon as you enter the room. They go completely silent and act innocent. What do you think they were talking about or are up to?

they’re probably trying to get a surprise together for me… or maybe discussing who’s turn it is for the night. *shot*

11. Your being trained by three of your faves. Your learning one thing from each of them. How well do you think the training will go? and what would you be learning from your three teachers?

Genji Shimada: I learn how to throw shuriken from him, along with good swordsmanship. Well I don’t have the best aim really… But he is patient with me, and he is willing to repeat things for me so I can learn, and rewards me with a kiss if I do well~ so I suppose overall, the lesson went well.

Kylo Ren: He would teach me how to wield a lightsaber. He knows that I am quite strong in the force, however untrained and very naive on technique. He would show me some stances, and how to wield the lightsaber properly without hurting myself, however he does get angry when I don’t do what he says correctly, but Kylo simply sighs heavily and continues. Despite the bursts of rage every so often, he would apologize with a soft sorry, and the lesson overall was okay.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Ranmaru is quite impatient and most of the time, he doesn’t feel like he’s obliged to help me. He teaches me how to get better at singing, especially with rock. Every wrong note I hit, he would tell me to stop and try again. Despite me knowing how to somewhat sing decently, rock was definitely not my thing. After some time, Ranmaru gets tired of trying and gives up, saving a second try for another time with an irritated frown. So the lesson…. Ehhhh. He does pat me on the head for trying though.

15. Do you have theme songs for your and your faves?. A song you feels is talking about your favourite, either platonic or romantic wise?. Even perhaps a playlist of songs?

honestly i don’t really have any songs for my faves and I, sometimes they come and go and i forget the songs XD i should make a playlist…

29. Who would sing a duet with you? and how well would that go? 

Despite Ranmaru not finding my voice suitable for rock, he does manage to find a song that both of us can sing. It actually turned out very well, and Ranmaru is actually quite surprised at how well both of us did with that song, and he liked how my voice sounded~

45. Marry, kiss, fuck, sleep, punch, kill?

oh fuck why…….

Marry: Ranmaru Kurosaki (he can friggen cook XD)

Kiss: Kylo Ren (i think he would try to kill me for kissing him but he can’t~)

Fuck: Jesse McCree (tbh he would probably be good v/////v)

Sleep: Loki (he’s probably gonna try to go elsewhere…..)

Punch: Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes (He can definitely take a hit, and my punches are weak XD)

Kill: King Dice (Sorry ole’ chap, but you were a phase…. i still love you)

58. Choosing four characters. Which ones would be winter, summer, spring and autumn?

Spring: Ranmaru Kurosaki (Uta-no Prince-sama)

Summer: Axel (from Kingdom Hearts)

Fall: Wrench (Watch_Dogs 2)

Winter: Winter Solder/Bucky Barnes (Marvel…. see what i did there? eue)

64. What would your nicknames be for your faves? and their nickname for you?

ex: my nickname for them // their nickname for me

Loki: Dear // My sweet

Kylo Ren: Ben // Love/My love (he rarely uses it)

Jesse McCree: Jesse/‘Cree // Darlin’

Genji Shimada: Sweetie // Flower/Dear

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Ran/Ran-Ran (He hates it) // Honey

Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes: Honey/Bucky // Sweetie/Doll

[randomnessunicorn-imagine]

Hhhh Thank you for the poly matchup! Fellswap Sans in jail sounds funny xDD I love how you took into consideration everything I had written- thanks so much for that! Love your blog

{ Oh, you’re welcome, honey~☆ 

Thank you so muuuuch-!!! 

Yeah, poor Black, there he is kind of cute and so misunderstood, poor thing eue I had fun writing it, poly relationships are so funny to write ~ }

[bwicblog]

> [Part 1] Close Encounters of the Zombie Kind

[Pheres (RS) embarks on a zombie-observation expedition with his new research assistant, Laledy (SS); an ex-soldier, Faizah (BB); and a local guide, Cennef (XR). When they decide to livestream the adventure in a group chat, things, as predicted, go horribly wrong.]

EXCERPT:

XR: also, there could have been unattached larva down there

XR: where do you think they come from in the first place

RS: an oviposter, presumably, but clearly i was misguided

SS: (Storks!)

RS: a stork's oviposter

RS: hahaha

LP: The chat sure is uncharacteristically silent lately... >ooo<

LP: Or maybe I am just on at the wrong times! :o >ooo<

LP: Or maybe I am just on at the wrong times! :o >ooo<

RS: | Haha | It has Been a Quiet Day | ! |

RS: | And Now a Quiet Night |

RS: | I Expect All of Us are Busy at Work | ? |

RS: | Or Out | It is Still a Festival Week |

UV: Or because the end of the Festival Week is coming. A lot of couples are no doubt out celebrating the last nights.(edited)

RS: | Haha | Yes | ! | =:) | I Almost Wish I was Out |

LP: Ah... That does make sense. >ooo<

LP: How come you're not? >ooo<

RS: | Because I am At Work | ! | Here | Look |

SS: (Ey, pal, nonna that 'quiet night' hoofbeastshit, you're gonna up and jinx us!)

RS has attached VID345345.MOV! It's a quick pan of the camera over a dark, white-sanded desert. There's rock formations all around - a brief glimpse of a jadeblood and a brownblood, faces slightly blurred by the motion - and the sound of chattering off in the distance. The camera cuts when something whoops.

RS: | Not as Exciting as Festivities | Sadly |

RS: | But Occasionally One must Miss Them | Haha |

SS: ('It's a quiet night's, like, the last ish peeps up and say afore they get mobbed by thirty zeds and become one with the horde.)

UV: What sort of business do you have out in an area like that? If you do not mind me asking, that is.

LP: Oh! You're out in the desert? >ooo<

SS: (Bit athis, bit athat, bit a not gettin bit by zeds! (\eue/) )

SS: (Ain't sure how much Pher's up and down for spillin the deets of, tho, so: (\oxo/) )

RS: | Haha | Yes | We Are | ! |

RS: | And Our Business is Hunting Down a Lair of Zombies | So Far | In Theory |

RS: | Currently | Our Lovely Guide is Reorienting Herself |

RS: | And I Think Her Mother is Eating Something | I am Trying Not to Look | Personally |

RS: | | I am Always Up for Spilling the Deets | I am Afraid |

RS: | I Scored Dreadfully on the Internet Safety Part of My Schoolfeeds | =:B |

SS: (I'm totes watchin! (\eue/) )

SS: (Fascinatin stuff, this.)

LP: Ooh.. :o >ooo<

LP: Sounds interesting. :) >ooo<

SS: (And LUL.)

SS: (Hey, Pher, I got one a'those fancy personality questionnaires for you!)

SS: (It tells you what kinda zed you identify with most based on your credit chit code.)

UV: What sort of zombies then, if you are so willing to share?

MH: Oh he's back.

MH: Glad to see you didn't die, RS.

RS: | Mm | Pass | Laledy | ! | But Thank You |

RS: | Perhaps You can Get One of Our Friendly Resident Chat Members to Fill That Out for You | =:B |

RS: | And | We are Looking for Cuckoo Zombies | ! |

RS: | But So Far | We have Just Found a Number of Floral Zombies |

MH: The hell are cuckoo zombies.

RS: | I have Been Taking Pictures | If You'd Like to See | =:) |

RS: | | And Of Course I didn't Die | Haha |

RS: | They are Victims of Parasitic Birdwasps | ! | Their Eggs Hatch Within Dead Bodies |

RS: | And Puppet Them Until They are Large Enough to Burst Free | Which Is | Oh |

RS: | Three or So Nights | ? |

RS: | They're Very Hard to Witness in the Wild | ! |

BB: Very hard. or no one wishes to Bother with getting insects Burrowed into their skin and horns.

BB: Hard to tell.

RS: | Haha | We are Not at Risk of That | I Keep Telling You That | ! |

RS: | Adults Do Not Live This Far in the Desert |

RS: | They Need Plants to Pollinate | There are No Plants Worth Pollinating Out Here |

RS: | Have You Located the Stone Pillar Yet | By the Way | ? |

BB: Perhaps they are Busy working their day joBs. too. One might come home early. Similar to finding a quad mate in Bed with another.

RS: | | Are We the Quad Mate in This Metaphor | or the Bed | ? |

BB: Exactly.

RS: | Or | Wait | No |

RS: | Are We the Other | ? |

BB: The stone pillar is not too far away. yes.

BB: All I am trying to get across is that if there is adults. it will not Be happy with us going into its territory.

SS: (Well, that's what you've up and got walkstubs for, pal! (\eue/) )

RS: | | Oh | LP | ! | My Apologies | We have Tromped All Over Your Conversation | =:c |

SS: (And a talkbox, for your last words, ofc.)

BB: I would rather keep my walkBranches to remain walkBranches and not walkstuBs.

SS: (For that, pal, you're gonna hafta chat with the peeps what up and make dictionaries'n ish up.)

SS: (Or slang, whatevs.)

BB: I did not know that I would have to consult a dictionary to say that I wish to keep my limBs in tact.

SS: (Nah, pal, for that you'd hafta up and learn how jokes work! (\ouo/) )

RS: | Oh | Damn | I Think We Spooked Her Off |

RS: | | Somehow | Hahaha | Um |

RS: | Faizah | ! | You Worry | So Much | =:B |

RS: | Please | Relax | No One will Be Losing Limbs |

RS: | Not Even the Walkers |

RS: | Are You On Your Way Back Over | ? |

UV: Well if you did. I am still here. I was simply looking for a little more information on Cuckoo Zombies while you were occupied.

BB: I will Be Back soon enough. I am sure. I will also Be making sure that the only thing that does lose limBs is the walkers.

SS: (Yeah, pal, I totes wonder what did it?)

SS: (Bodysnatchin flapbugs what're up and puppeteerin peeps bods ain't made nobody queasy, like, ever. (\unu/) )

MH: Gross.

SS: (Soz, pal, didn't mean to give you internet cooties. (\unu/)

SS: (Leastways they ain't makin their waay outta here.)

BB: SS is an enjoyaBle fellow. in case you were wondering.

UV: The variety of species that parasitize trolls has always been rather fascinating, I thought. Of course, I have always done any observations from a distance.

SS: (Aww, pal, careful! You're gonna make my kokoro go doki doki. (\unu//) )

BB: See what I mean.

SS: (And hells yeah they are, pal!)

SS: (S'like a fun lottery system: erry time you think you're up and safe, boom! Turns out whatevs ish you're lookin at can totes be a parasite, too!)

RS: | Oh | If You are Interested | I can Stream Some of Our Expedition For You | ? |

RS: | It Doesn't Beat Real Observations | Of Course |

RS: | But If You are Interested | =:) |

SS: (I mean, like, if you up and think about it, we're parasites. Ain't like lusus naturae's the same species as you'n me.)

CC: eugh, yeah, fascinating. Tell that to all the jackwagons that get consumed in the deep woods.

CC: are you out hunting or something, RS?

UV: If it would not trouble you, Pheres. I would enjoy it. Thank you.

MH: Yup.

SS: (Well shit, pal, mb they're gettin all consumed-like on accounta they totes thought it was interestin nuff to see up and close-like. (\eue/) )

RS: | We are Out Observing | ! | No Hunting | Unless Things Get a Little Too Close |

MH: He's hunting. Or something.

RS: | Or | Mm | Feisty |

BB: Looking at things from a giant miscroscope only makes them smaller. doesn't necissarily solve anything.

SS: (Dude, huntin's for losers that up and think they can make a dif with a machete and some spuunk.)

CC: lol, I mean I guess you don't get more front row than that.

SS: (Research's how you up and figure out how to load some weedkiller into a drone and clear a whole section a'the desert.)

CC: it's easier to just get rid of them, but-- oh you're in a desert pff.

CC: I had to get rid of them in the woods, there wasn't enough space in the buildings to move safely with them there, yadda yadda. So is it just a curiosity or-- huh

SS: (And, uh, BB, soz to say, but I think you need a crash course on what microscopes do.)

SS: (Spoiler alert: Makes ish bigger.)

RS: | Ah | A Reminder to Those Who Would Rather Not See | the Dead |

RS: | Say | CC | =:B | There is a Button in the Screen | You can Press | to Make the Image Go Away |

RS: | I am Not Clear Where the Button Is | But I am Certain It Is There | ! |

CC: I don't have a problem, what are you talking about?

SS: (I'm p sure you gotta, like, choose to join the call anyhow.)

RS: | Usually Trolls Who Have to Exterminate Walkers Aren't Interested in Seeing Them Up Close | ! | They Find It | Ah |

RS: | Bothersome | ? |

SS: (It's against their religion!)

CC: oh hell no. I said extermination made it easy to move not that that was my job

SS: (The religion is bein a weenie.)

CC: ^

RS: | I am Fairly Certain It is Against the Sun Cultists Religion to Murder Walkers |

RS: | Or Is That to Burn Them | ? | It's Something |

CC: I'm a salvager show walkers all you want

RS: | | But | Ah | Good | ! |

SS: (Oh, y, pal, ofc, ain't you in the know I'm a sun cultist now?)

SS: (I got a pamphlet from that chick what stopped our van and everythin.)

SS: (Apparently I might be a saint, too.)

SS: (Ain't too clear on that bit. Do white oculars count, or do I gotta be proper dead-like?)

XR: Oh, Pherrres

CC: okay but if this turns into a drink the koolaid fest I'm out, st. SS

XR: erXR: Pheres

SS: (Nah, pal, no kool-aid! Just zed spores. Take a vine erryone, won't hurt once it gets to your pan stem!)

SS: (Wow, that weren't suspect at all.)

RS has started up a call! He's.. clearly using his cellphone to record the desert night, and the audio's been muted. They're still in the sand dunes, by the rock formation - but he turns the camera to beam into it, briefly, and then zoom in on Lal, who's speaking to his phone a few feet away.

MH: What the fuck.

CC: pretty.

RS: alright

RS: this is now on voice to speech!

RS: um

RS: voice to text?

CC: ...not the jadeblood. The desert

RS: i think!

RS: hahaha

SS: (Heyo!) Laledy waves at the same time as he sends the message, clearly speaking into his mic.

SS: (Wtf, way to kill my ego.)

MH: Rude CC.

RS: laledy is fairly pretty, i think. there's no need to be unkind!

XR: ...anyway I'.m. nearly there, is what I wanted to tell you.

CC: okay but can you blame me. This entire chat swarms people for things like that.CC: had to clarify

SS: (At least some peeps up and appreciate real beauty!)

SS: (Insert dramatic sniff here.)

RS: marvelous!

SS: (LUL)

SS: (Nah, pal, too late, I'm cryin already. (\eue/) )

CC: how many people are joining you, RS?

CC: pffff lol

UV: Seems like quite the expedition team.

SS: (Enough to form our own miniature horde once we get wasted by zeds! (^_^/) )

MH: Keep the camera running.

MH: I wanna see it.

SS: (Insert thumbs up here!)

SS: (Make sure you up and put it up on grubtube!)

CC: aw continuing research even in the after death. "Do teams remain allied after infection and passing"

XR: no. we'd all be idiot zombies.

SS: (Y, XR, but we'd be idiot zombies 2gether 4ever.)

RS: and oh, look, here's miss cennef's hound. A blurry shot of an alarmingly huge canine. Its jaws are moving, but he keeps pulling the camera back towards the ears. Eugh.

RS: uv, she's eating a floral zombie, by the way. do you want a picture?

SS: (It's the team spirit! (\ouo/) )

CC: love that optimism

RS: ... you all are talking so much

RS: heavens, we're not getting wasted by zeds, laledy

RS: can you imagine the indignity

UV: A picture would be nice, thank you Pheres.

RS: these aren't even proper zombies

CC: is it safe for animals to eat those? I always thought it fucked them up

RS: alright

-- XR has put on her own voice to text, and took her own picture of Pheres from sitting on her giant fennec fox/horned toad lusus --

SS: (I know, pal, I just thought BB needed some help w that wish fulfillment!)(edited)

XR: two can play at that

XR: anyway, I brought the zombie bait

RS: hahaha

RS: you take a picture of the zomb

RS: excellent!

XR: it smells horrid but then again, what else would it smell like

CC: sunshine and daisies

XR: sunshine smells like burning and death

XR: and some of them do have daisy strains I hear

CC: Chanel no.5(edited)

RS: but daisies smell delightful, presumably, to make up for it

UV: XR has a fair point.

XR: a little too delightful

XR: some of them snag you that way

XR: which is why I also brought masks

RS: ah, my apologies, uv

RS: i don't think i'm going to get very close to her lusus

XR: I know they're hideous but put them on

RS: how far did you say this was?

RS: they're cumbersome

SS: (Wtf is these double standards?)

SS: (I mean, I'm totes down for a mask, this ish looks totes badass and post-apocalyptic, but, like, pal.)

XR: if you get silly-panned by some floral scenter, you can't even come crying to me because that's probably the last thing you'll ever do

RS: and we're not dealing with psychogenic on- oh!

RS: you're incredibly silly

RS: but fine

XR: is smell it and lose yourself

RS: pass me a mask

XR: mask passed

XR: oh wait

XR: must document

SS: (LUL)

SS: (Dude, we can... figure that out.)

--  TOO LATE, he's already holding out his camera to take a begrudging picture of his face with the filtration mask on.  --(edited)

SS: (Uh.)

SS: (Duct tape, mb?)

-- XR has posted a picture of Laledy and Pheres in their masks --

XR: dammit

RS: smiley face

RS: haha

XR: you rob me of my glory

XR: how could you

UV: You all look like a proper zombie observation team now.

XR: all right, what's your strife

RS: oh

RS: thank you!

XR: I have a few firebombs, but I'd rather not use them

XR: they go up quick, even when there's not much to burn

SS: (Cutting sarcasm!)

RS: my amazing good looks?

RS: hahaha

XR: you're both hopeless

RS: you're being silly, cennef

SS: (Also a taser, a sword, and a wacking stick.)

XR: your hair isn't a weapon, Pheres

RS: come along! let's just get moving

XR: lovely as it is

XR: what, are you crazy? I haven't even told you what to watch or listen for

XR: hold on a moment

XR: remember, these are cuckoo zombies you wanted to see

XR: they don't behave like other ones

SS: (Idk, pal, I'm p sure he could eat me with that ish if he tried hard enough.)

XR: and god help me if you provoke them, we all have to run for it like giant spotted meowbeasts

SS: (Nah, pal, I only provoke peeps!)

XR: because they might burst prematurely

XR: and come after us all like avenging furies

XR: so we all have to be very quiet and lightfooted. They don't see well, being larvae, but since there's so many of them in one host their sense of touch is excellent.

SS: (Shit, pal, and here I was up and hyped to go hug one!)

XR: would that I were so lucky

XR: anyway, they tend to hide in hives, all curled up and waiting to gestate, unless they're hunting

XR: hence bait

SS: (Wow, you really know how to woo a guy!)

SS: (On pitch week, too. (\unu/) )

XR: Pheres why is he here

XR: no don't answer that

RS: hahaha

RS: for his stunning reparte

RS: obviously

RS: ah! no, sorry, was looking at this

XR: regardless, they should all be curled up before we get to them, but just in case one isn't, you might not see it at first. sometimes they hide in sand dunes instead of rocks. but, if one IS hidden there - what

XR: what are you looking at

RS has wandered a bit far off from the crowd! The camera's been focused on a section of stone for the past few minutes - it finally pulls away to show.. he's been sticking his arm into a crack. Alright.

SS: (Uh.)

He pulls it out a moment later, victorious, and holding what looks to be a bone.

RS:

RS: hmm

RS: never mind, not worth looking at

XR: PHERES WHAT THE HELL

SS: (Y'know that thing we were up and talkin bout with branches and stubs afore?)

XR: YOU COULD HAVE BEEN BITTEN ON THE ARM

SS: (Oh, nm, XR's got it in capslock, nm.)

XR: YOU ARE VERY LUCKY NOTHING WAS DOWN THERE

RS:

RS: cennef

RS: how small do you feel zombies get

XR: well Pheres I know it may stun you

XR: but there are dangers besides zombies

XR: like scorpion lizards

XR: however I assumed that was covered by common sense

XR: also, there could have been unattached larva down there

XR: where do you think they come from in the first place

RS: an oviposter, presumably, but clearly i was misguided

SS: (Storks!)

RS: a stork's oviposter

RS: hahaha

XR: uuuuuugh gods help me

SS: (HAH)

XR: if you are QUITE DONE being recklessXR: let's go toward the main hiveXR: and keep an eye out for florals or fungals, zombies aren't smart enough to have territory boundaries(edited)XR: so even though separate types usually won't horde together, that doesn't mean they don't stray

RS: yes, yes, right

SA: dude

XR: all right, we all need to keep our voices low

RS is not a cameraman, obviously! The footage of the stream keeps shaking as he trails behind Cennef's foxmom, and it keeps shifting away from the desert stretching out in front of them to capture things he thinks are even slightly interesting. A strangely shaped rock! Sand! A scorpion that he carefully kicks with his boot, and then scampers abruptly to the other side of foxmom when it raises its stinger in response.

XR: it's not noise, but vibration

RS: ah RS: yes

XR: you're lucky she eats those

SA: this is either the sickest shit I've ever seen or the dumbest fucking ide@ @nyone's had like ever

XR: there she goes

RS: lay out the bait now so i can catch it on camera?

XR: well I'm sure she's glad for the snack

RS: it is asolutely both, sa

SS: (Omg this is my favorite lusus now.)

RS: hahaha RS: smiley face

XR: you are both dumb and I want you to know that

SA: h@h@h@

XR: in case I die because one of you gets me killed

SS: (She eats stingerbugs AND she ain't eatin me!)

XR: yes, here's the bait, have fun with it.XR: and by that I mean set it out and then we're all retreating.

SS: (Is the bait me?)

XR: at least twenty feet.XR: no, you don't smell enough.

SS: (I'm startin to get mildly concerned about that, ngl/)

SS: (Oh, shit, a compliment!)

XR: it's this rotting meat.

SS: (My pusher ain't right broken yet after all!)

RS: i don't know if that's a compliment

SA: gross

RS: to be frank

SS: (Pher, quit tryin to crush my dreams, aight?)

RS: my apologies

RS: that was cruel and unneccessarily callous of me

XR: you have none because there are none with me involved.

XR: end of story

RS: you absolutely do not smell as much as this rotting meat

SS: (I'm glad you're a big enough person to acknowledge that, Pheres.)

RS: and that is a compliment

RS: hahaha

RS: here, hold the camera

SS: (And ofc I've up and got dreams w you, Cennef!)

SS: (They're the ones where Pher ain't here and you sacrifice me to zeds.)

RS: ah

RS: hold my phone

XR: yes, have him hold it, and then back away

Laledy takes the phone, orienting it at where he hears Pheres. It's somewhat off-angle, but gets most of the scene.

XR: I have Foxmom in case they swarm us but she can really only carry two trolls, even light as the pair of you are(edited)

Or, at least it gets most of the scene when Laledy isn't delightedly filming whatever foxmom is doing at any given moment. There is at least one candid of her yawning, with a dramatic zoom of her teeth.

XR: if you're that desperate I'll send you videos, my gods

XR: this is silly

SS: (I deffo ain't believin you, but whatevs, pal, we'll film this fascinatin ish instead.)

Insert closeup of the rotting meat, pointedly, before Laledy gives in to his actual scientific interests and films the presumed ZOMBIE LAIR.

SA: eewewwww

SA: show us the de@d ppl(edited)

XR: I will because this is just pathetic and also off - there we go

The camera sort of catches Pheres fussing extraordinarily over the meat. It is rotting. It has flies. For all that the audio isn't on, it's not hard to tell he's displeased.

XR: all right. we all need to be quiet.

He drops it --

XR: back up Pheres

XR: now

SS: (Uhhhhhhh)

XR: come back to us

SS: (Uhhhhhhhhhhh)

The screen goes white in a crackle of static, then clears as the light clears.

SA: oh shit is he getting m@uled

XR: stop fussing over the damn meat

RS: shhh i'm moving

RS: moved!

SS: (OW)

RS: you were rushing me!

XR: ugh that was loud

SS: (WHERE)

RS: you're fine!

UV: Well then.

XR: Laledy, back up with me, that might draw a rush

SS: (SURE I'M FINE, PAL, TOTES FINE.)SS: (Where are you?)(edited)

XR: can you feel my arm?

SS: (Uh-) There is some fumbling of the camera, and it's now pointed halfway at the ground.

SS: (Yeah.)(edited)

XR: pity about the footage but I'm not about to get us killed over it

XR: oh

XR: there's one

SS: (Where?)

XR: just peeking up, I see the horns and - oh

SS: (Insert more question noodles.)

XR: there's larva in the sockets

SS: (Insert more capslock.)

XR: most of the scentsponge is eaten too

SA: eeeeewwwwwwwwww

RS: oh, wow, this is amazing

SA: rs you're fucking nuts

RS: hahaha

RS: this is for science, i'll have you know

Lal fumbles the camera again, and it points vaguely in Pheres's direction.

RS: oh, wait

RS: you can't -- mm

XR: aaaaand another - and well that's just great

RS: give me that

SA: @nd presum@bly getting ur zombie rocks off

RS: wha

RS: no one is getting their rocks off

XR: there's a fungus coming and it looks it's been out here a hundred sweeps

XR: look at that growth

SS: (Love to. (\qnq/) )

SS: (Unfort Pheres is a jerk.)

The screen is back to a steady image as Pheres points it at the zombie in question. It's got purple fungus growing everywhere. And: yes, it's gross.

RS: you were rushing me

RS: that is the tragic result of rushing me

-- Cennef takes a photo of a somewhat blurry due to distance but magnificently orange fungal zombie absolutely covered in the stuff, with shreds of clothing over it --

RS: i actually move

SA: gross

SA: grooooooossssss

XR: ...okay so there's two

XR: excellent

SA: eugh does it smell

UV: Well that is quite the sight. And... Double the trouble.

SA: it looks like it smells

SS: (Yeah, pal, like sunshine and daisies. (\eue/) )

XR: fungals don't smell usually

RS: can you see it clearly

RS: uv?

XR: PHERES

SS: (Wow, pal, way to kill my pun!)

XR: I SEE THREE MORE CUCKOOS

SS: (What?)

RS: oh

RS: hm

XR: I HEAR THEM BUZZING

RS: maybe you should get on your mother

SS: (Pal, can you yell that in a way that is less mortally terrifyin??)

SA: oh shit

XR: and - no, damn you

XR: I'm taking care of the fungals, one minute, try not to die or upset the cuckoos.

RS: oh

RS: no, don't - just

RS: stay with laledy

SS: (Uh. Uh.)

RS: and i will take care of the fungals

SS: (I'm gonna stand here and not move at all.)

RS: that does seem a little wise

RS: just

RS: ah

RS: hold still

-- XR swiftly runs around and throws a firebomb at each fungal, because she knows full well those spores are very insidious and deadly and luckily both burn -- (edited)

XR: no, if those had gotten any closer we would be in spore range.

XR: too risky.

SS: (Oh, shit, I can see that at least.)

SS: (Wtf, are you tryin to burn the whole place down?)

XR: also it distracted the cuckoos, they're blind but not that blind.

XR: there's nothing around them.

XR: it won't last.

SS: (P sure they're less blind than me atm, tbh.)

SS: (Fwiw, I am totes never lettin this ish go. (\qnq/) )

XR: good for you

XR: it'll mean you're alive

SS: (This was gonna be so cool.)

SS: (Take good vids!)

SS: (Since I'ma have to rewatch later.)

SA: ...you're blind @nd you went zombie hunting?

RS: um

RS: it's a metaphor

RS: hahaha

-- XR takes a vid of herself staring disapprovingly before swinging at Pheres and the approaching zombies --

XR: ...Pheres

SS: (Pheres blinded me, on accounta his psi is effin bright af.)

XR: don't move

RS: i will move in a moment

SS: (Everythin's spots and ish.)

RS: don't worry

MH: This is the stupidest fucking zombie expedition I've ever seen.

XR: there's a fern zombie approaching

SA: oh ok

SS: (Pal, can we not make this a sitch where you get up and rushed again?)

MH: One of you are gonna get bit, or killed.

XR: and it doesn't look quite as shambling as the cuckoos

XR: who are quite enjoying the meat, at least

MH: Anyone wanna take bets on someone getting hurt.

XR: but I think they'll finish it soon

RS: no one is going to get bit

RS: for heaven's sake

RS: you will have to lose your bet, mh

MH: I said hurt, not necessarily bit.

MP: so uh

MH: Self harm counts because you're all throwing around fire bombs.

RS: did you

RS: heave-- hahaha

XR: That was me and that was for safety.

SS: (Hey, I'm totes offended!)

SS: (Cennef's throwin round -y, zacly.)

SS: (I'm too flammable for that ish.)

XR: the only thing Laledy throws are his words.

XR: which are annoying enough.

MP: dudes r hunting zeds?

SS: (Nah, pal! We're up and makin friends with em!)

MP: streaming too damn badass

SS: (Look, Pher's gonna up and hug that one!)

RS: yes

RS: thank you

XR: clearly we are cuddling up to them, as Laledy suggested

RS: finally someone appreciates it

RS: hahaha

MP: hey I'm paying you compliments here

XR: I'm a bit preoccupied with ensuring Pheres doesn't die

SS: (Or kill me. (\unu/) )

MP: defs do that dude

XR: well thank you for your suggestion

XR: how could I live without it

MP: dying fuckin sucks do not do that

XR: wow, you shock me

MP: v helpful advice I know lol

XR: however would I cope.

SS: (Shit, pal, way to ruin my plans for the night!)

SS: (How tf'm I supposed to spend my Sat now?)

XR: wait

SS: (I ain't made plans for Sunday!)

XR: wait no

MH: Who wants to lay down 50 caegers as the starting bet.

SS: (For what, how long its gonna be afore MH stages dramatic life insurance fraud schemes on all their friends?)

MH: 50 caegers on someone getting getting hurt but that's a good one too.

SA: I'll fucking take it

MH: I'll keep that scheme in mind when I make friends.

MH: 50 caeger starting bid! Who are you betting on getting hurt first?

SS: (I'm puttin 100 on 'way too long - okay, nm, pal, I was gonna make a joke bout you ain't havin none but then you up and just made it sad.)SS: (At least be, like, miffed that you're forever alone.)(edited)

MH: Nah I'm good.

XR: PHERES BEHIND YOU

SA: probs the jade tbh

RS: oh goddamnit

SA: no wait

XR: WE'RE GOING GET OVER HERE

MH: Too late, bid casted.

XR: TELEPORT

SA: d@mn

SS: (Y, pal, on accounta the jade's the one what's up and stickin his fronds into rock cracks.)

SS: (And huggin zeds.)

XR: oh fuck oh damn oh hell

SS: (Wtf???)

MH: Oh shit.

SA: ye@h I w@s @bout to ch@nge my d@mn bid

SS: (Can someone like narrate???)

MH: What's going on over there?

Good thing the audio's turned off! Because the phone's abruptly a mess of static, jerky screen, and then - white again.

XR: hhhhhhh

XR: okay it's down

XR: we need to go

BB: I would hate to be the person who would have to utter this statement.

XR: Laledy get on Foxmom I'm just going to have to chance it

BB: But I told you so.

XR: we're all light

SS: (I hate lits everything oh my god.)

MP: oh fucking shit

MH: Did someone get hurt?

XR: it'll be slow but I have two firebombs left GO GO GO

The stream turns off!

XR: SHE'S LYING DOWN GET ON HER

MP: oh shit

MH: I think someone got a zed on them(edited)

SA: did I win the bet

SS: (Y, SA, I'm totes dead.)

MP: ohhh boy oh no

SS: (This is me confirmin from beyond the grave.)

BB: Unfortunately. SS is not dead.

MH: Who got hit.

XR: PHERES PSIJUMP

SA: ty SS

SS: (That I am extra double blind now.)

XR: TELEPORT

MH: ....Shit.

XR: COME ON

MH: I think Pheres got a zed on him.

MP: ????? If he can teleport what the fuck is he doing

XR: I NETTED IT HE NEEDS TO MOVE

SA: d@ng it!

MH: Maybe he got hurt?

SA: I should@ ch@nged my bid

MH: Like really hurt.

BB: The excess narriration is doing nothing aBout the current circumstance and is only adding excess annoyance to my part.

MP: that's not a good thing dude not even a little

MH: Sucks to be you BB.

XR: ughhhhhhhh

BB: I would concur with that statement.

MH: Glad we're on the same page.

RS:

RS: / alright / ! /

RS: / no one wins a bet /

RS: / i am perfectly alive / or whatever you were betting on /

XR: you need a mediculler

RS: / perfectly fine /

RS: / and alive /

SS: (Can we go back to narratin?)

XR: you won't be if you don't get assistance

MP: what happened dude!

XR: I can't treat that and I don't think anybody in Port Mina can

BB: Which limB do I need to cut off.

XR: fuck off we aren't cutting off limbs yet

MH: But did you get HURT RS?

XR: will you all just shut up with your stupid speculations this is serious

MP: those infections get deadly intense tho

RS: / it's not serious /

XR: YES THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELPFUL INPUT

MH: RS is hurt.

RS: / calm down / cennef /

MH: I knew it.

XR: it's not right now but it could well be and it needs to be taken care of

RS: / it does not even qualify as hurt /

XR: yes it does

MH: I knew someone was going to get hurt.

RS: / i will take care of it at my hive /

XR: do not argue with me, you need treatment

SA: d@mn it

XR: no

XR: you need professional treatment or you will become a fern zombie

XR: you're VERY LUCKY that's a small wound

SA: oh shiiit

XR: but it will spread

MP: def do not do that

BB: I do Believe. even if that is true. that adding more shout poles to the pile will not solve the matter any faster.

BB: We should resort to action. and not yelling over one another.

XR: why yes thank you for being so terribly helpful as if I am not trying to think about what to do right now, however would I cope without the lot of you idiots yapping at me

MP: maybe put the chat down?

XR: Pheres who's your mediculler

XR: or no

XR: turning off voice to text now

RS: / it will be fine /

RS: / take a deep breath / cennef /

RS: / and / ah / - /

RS: / / yes / haha /

BB: So, I do Believe that we shall be making an expressed detour at the next convenient step. I will not say anything more until the injured can come Back to his senses.

MP: I mean I don't think they'll talk to each other here if they all know each otherMP: and are like in the same placeMP:MP: do they do that often

AE: Hello.

MH: Welcome to the shit show.

MH: Some fucks went and bothered zombies and someone got bit.

MH: Or scratched. I don't know.

AE: Do. Not. Touch. Zombies. That. Is. A. Bad. Idea.

AE: Don't. Do. That.

MH: You came in like an hour too late to say that.

AE: Undead. Saliva. Is. A. Primary. Source. Of. Various. Infections. Including. But. Not. Limited. To. Acute. Skinrot.

MH: Again, an hour too late.

AE: I. Was. Not. Here. One. Hour. Ago.

[lovelywingsart]

Sleepless

-- Karl Heisenberg X OC (AFAB, She/They) --

And now we get to the sweeter stories I have for them so far until the inevitable heartbreaking end... Don't worry, there's more angst closer to the beginning of the timeline than the end. But hey, 30+ years of living with someone you end up being partners with will do that to you. eue

Anyway, this was a fun little thing, and is pretty common in the timeline itself. It's pretty short, comparatively speaking, but I liked it. Enjoy!

**Remember, check out the Masterlist for more! <3 **

------

*Warning?: Mention of nightmares/terrors, a very very sleepy metal man

Summary: Being a busy person has its perks, but everyone needs to sleep at some point... Unfortunately, sleep doesn't come easily to Karl. So, he tries to help it the only way he knows how- find some company.

The hiss of the cooling mould filled the small room, the molten metal providing what little light given other than a few lanterns and small industrial lights as always. Emelia preferred it this way, despite occasional offers given to brighten the room up a little. She watched the moulds fill one by one, reaching out her mutated arm every once in a while to help unclasp and move them along if they were stuck. The mutation itself wasn't practical for much other than strength and stamina, though it provided a surprising amount of heat resistance compared to the usual glove she wore on the other hand. She consistently worked to control the anger that came with the mutation itself with each transformation, easing into a decent work state of mind when using it around the machines. She now found it increasingly relaxing whenever she allowed her Cadou to make the changes, feeling the occasional fluttering in her chest with each movement she made.

She reached forward with her mutated arm again, her claws closing around the edge of the mould that had gotten somewhat stuck when opening, the metal bits getting stuck around the edges.

"Bloody thing..." she growled, her voice deeper and warped from the mutation as she very nearly pried the thing open and removed the newly created cogs from the mould itself. Defects, of course... The metal hadn't cooled right. The thing wasn't even full, the deformed half being what had caused the jam. She simply tossed them to the side with a grunt, watching as the machine closed and started the process again with molten metal giving a golden glow to her eye and skin as she gave a near content sigh from the rush of heat.

It was through the hiss of the cooling unit that she heard another noise, her head cocking to the side just slightly. It sounded like... Tapping? Rhythmic tapping... Her body froze as she realized.

Footsteps.

Two options ran through her head at once; either it was the snarky bastard who owned the factory, or she'd have to fight a Soldat for the umpteenth time this week. She listened carefully for any mechanic whirring, generally a telltale sign of the Soldats presence other than the whirring of drills or blades. The rhythm of the footsteps was slow and even somewhat miscalculated, but... there was nothing. No whirring, no grunting or growling, no guttural 'war cries', as she called them. No, but there WAS breathing, only audible once the hissing of the cooling units halted. She turned her head slightly as the footsteps got closer, her mutated arm tensing and preparing for whatever hell of a sneak attack this was, her claws gripping the small railing near the machine to brace herself to swing back with the bone spur on her elbow.

She was instead met with the feeling of arms slowly and almost lazily wrapping around her waist, holding on to her tightly and making her jump and hold her breath. It wasn't until she felt a head fall against her shoulder that she even thought about relaxing, letting out an irritated growling sigh once she relinquished her grip on the rail.

"God damn you Heisenberg, what the bloody hell do you want now, I'm busy-" she started, only to pause as she looked down.

No gloves... no coat... just his scarred hands gripping on to her shirt as if she'd disappear of he let her go. What the hell... She could hear slow, almost uneven breathing next to her ear as he pressed his face to her shoulder, dark silvery hairs almost sticking to her skin. It wasn't until she heard a weak hum that she finally turned her head to look at him. She felt as her muscles eased somewhat at the sight of him, frowning as she reached her mutated hand up to pat his head. The man looked utterly exhausted... Eyes half lidded with the color dulled, deep bags under his eyes, and nearly sunken features that made him look almost as old as he was. She could tell his obvious exhaustion wasn't the only issue, but it was the one that caused the most concern in her mind at the current moment. It was as if he had turned into one of the walking abominations he had working in the tunnels under the main factory, almost feeling like a dead weight against her...

"Karl...?" She said, her voice still somewhat warped, yet holding an oddly soft tone. He only replied with another hum before burying his face into her neck. Her frown deepened as one of his hands reached up to hold her mutated arm, his grip weak. The man needed sleep... It was painfully obvious. It looked like he hadn't slept in literal weeks, which was most likely the case as it always was.

She quickly hit a button to power down the movements of the machine in front of them, feeling as he relaxed somewhat against her back despite the sharp bone spurs that rested along her spine from the mutation. She waited for the thing to stop moving before patting his arm lightly.

"Hey..." she said quietly, turning her head to look at him again. The only response she received was a light squeeze along her waist.

"Hey." she repeated, managing to carefully turn in his arms without ripping his chest to shreds with the spines. "Hey, Karl... Look at me..."

She grabbed his face with both hands, her mutated claws almost as big as his head entirely. But she held his cheeks carefully, forcing him to look at her as she examined his face. It was a pitiful sight, really... The man typically held either a grin or a smirk, his energy and enthusiasm for his work unmatched by anyone, even that giant witch Alcina. He always seemed oddly happy. Proud. But his look now... It was that a tired old man with years taken from his life in a single night. He blinked slowly, giving a quiet grunt.

"When was the last time you slept...?" Emelia asked quietly, a sudden concern flooding her gravely voice. Irritating as he may be, even now, she couldn't help but care for the man... She allowed her mutation to retreat with a quiet groan as he looked at her, the muscles and sharp bone disappearing back under the skin with cracks and pops as she kept a hold on his face.

"Dunno..." came the somewhat slurred answer. She felt his weight shifting from foot to foot, hearing a small mechanical clicking whenever he leaned on his left leg. She sighed, letting him lower his head so it rested in her hands, her thumbs brushing over his cheeks just slightly.

"Bloody hell..." she muttered, finally taking a step to the side. Her movements were slow, carefully removing his arms from around her waist and slinging one over her shoulder to help him keep his own balance. "Come on... Let's find somewhere for you-"

"Here..." he muttered suddenly, his voice low and broken. She paused and looked at him.

"Here?" She asked. He twitched his head into a nod.

"Sleep here... Please..."

She couldn't help but feel a pang of pity as she heard him speak. His tone wasn't begging, but it wasn't demanding, either. But she simply nodded, looking around for a moment. Her eye caught the corner of the room with a few tattered rags on the floor generally used for cleaning or polishing, and she carefully nudged his side to lead him over. His movements were simultaneously stiff and limp, creating an awkward pattern in footsteps just like she had heard earlier. She helped him sit once they reached the corner, the rags and fabrics providing a small sense of underlying comfort compared to the rough concrete floor. She left him for only a moment, almost feeling bad for doing so as she heard his grunts of discomfort.

"I'll be right back..." she said lightly, quickly making her way to the two entrances to the room itself.

She blocked them both, making sure the door entrance was locked and secure and moving two stacked work benched in front of the free corridor entrance. The last thing she needed was a goddamn Soldat bursting in... She didn't need one of the metal menaces showing their faces. Not when she already knew how this was going to end up... And it would end up the same no matter how she tried to prevent it. Almost every time he slept, the poor man would wake up screaming, speaking rapid broken German too quickly for her to understand. If he wasn't screaming, it was a panic attack bad enough for him to nearly hyperventilate and thrash around. Either way, one of both of them would have gotten hurt due to flying metal from his power going haywire from fear. It was why he was here with her instead of in his own room, even if she was increasingly nervous with the metal scraps laying about. The presence of someone... ANYONE else near him helped considerably, they both found, though that didn't obviously stop the night terrors... But she assisted him with pushing through them, often lulling him back to sleep each time while even falling asleep, herself. They still happened, but being near her made it... easier. Being near her made sure he wasn't alone.

And he hated being alone.

She made her way back to Heisenberg, kneeling down and helping him settle against the wall. She took her place next to him, feeling as he slumped over on her shoulder almost immediately before giving a quiet grunt. She looked at him for a moment before sighing, adjusting and nudging him forward so his head rested on her lap. He reached an arm forward to wrap around her leg as if it were a simple pillow. She couldn't exactly blame him... Even she knew it was easier to lay down.

"That better...?" She asked quietly, resting one hand on his shoulder as the other reached to pat his head lightly. He relaxed as she ran her fingers through his hair, occasionally reaching to trace along the scars on his face once she slumped back against the wall in a comfy enough position. It was a method she used constantly, having discovered it on accident. The motions soothed him, and soon she could feel his breathing even out.

"... thank you...." he nearly whispered, his words sounding almost like a simple breath had she not been listening. She tilted her head slightly towards him with the smallest hint of a smile.

"Easy, Metalhead..." she soothed, rubbing his shoulder for a moment before fully resting her arm over him. "I'll wake you if I notice anything, alright?"

She was met with silence, a gentle squeeze to her thigh the only hint of an answer he gave. After that, he was still, his breaths coming as gentle snores against her thigh. 'God damn, he WAS tired...' She thought, continuing the motions of her hand through his hair. She watched him for a moment before leaning her head back and closing her eye with a sigh. Despite knowing what was bound to happen, this was the most peaceful they would get, and she had to admit that she loved it... There was only a few hours if they were lucky, but she didn't mind. She quite enjoyed these times, she just wished neither of them were plagued by such nightmares. But even so, she couldn't help but feel relaxed... Even a bit closer to the man as he was granted a bit of much needed sleep. She was the only one to ever see him like this... The only one to ever assist with any kind of care he may have needed at that point in time, and the only one who understood what he had gone through.

She let his deep breathing sooth her, the other sounds of the factory lulling her into a drowsy, lazy feeling. She'd continue her work later... For now, she focused on the man on her lap, letting the smallest amount of sleep creep up. And suddenly she was out in a light doze, awkwardly cuddling Heisenberg with the warmth around them providing an inner comfort rarely felt.

[itacestians-unite]

hey guys i think im gonna make an itacest ask blog eue

but if i do, should they already be together or no?

i saw one blog that had the two characters not together, then the askers slowly turned it into where they ended up together and it sounds fun eue

[queen0fkingss]

Follower Dialogue

Copy and fill out with what your character’s dialogue would be if they were a Follower in the Elder Scrolls!

Tagged by - Stolen From @varondiil​ because it’s relevant to my interests eue

Kesan Dradom (Skyrim AU) - Argonian warrior, mercenary. 

{{Site used to translate Saxhleel words}}

Initiating conversation:

“Speak.”

“You have something to say?”

“You need something, or are you gaping for the fun of it?”

“What do you require, Nassa?” (Nassa, meaning “Leader” in Saxhleel)

“Yes, love?” (If married)

Exiting conversation:

"Let us not waste anymore time.”

“Are we done? My scales are freezing.”

“Onward, then.”

“I’m ready.”

Asked to wait:

“If you think you can handle this yourself, who am I to argue?”

“Find me here when you’re ready.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I will guard this Tzel.” (Tzel, meaning Territory.)

Spoken to whilst waiting:

“Done already?” + “Ah, there you are. Are we ready to go?” - Initiating conversation.

“And here I was, hoping to catch a quick nap. Very well” + “About time, I was beginning to worry.” + “My blade is yours again.” - Asked to continue following.

“Change your mind, eh?” + “Don’t stray too far.” + “Hmph.” - Conversation exited without being asked to follow.

Asked to move/interact:

"As you command.” + “As you will it, Nassa.” + “Anything for you.” (If married) - Command given.

“I question your morality.” + “With all due respect, that is crazy.” + “I am a warrior, not a skilled thief.”  - Command denied.

“This is... much harder than it looks.” + “I cannot do that.” - Command failed.

“Anything more, or can we continue?” + “Done.” + “There, can we move on now?” - Command completed.

Asked to trade items:

“I can carry many things, but even I have my limits.”

“-sigh- Very well.”

“That too heavy for you?”

“That looks heavy, let me carry it.” (If married)

Dismissed:

“Very well, you know where to find me.”

“Hist guide you, my love.” (If married)

After dismissal:

“Back again?”

“Admit it, you missed me.”

“Ah, you’re back. Any stories to tell this time?”

“Hello, my love, do you require my aid?” (If married)

Combat

“Bring it on!”

“You’re awfully arrogant.”

“Urgh!”

“Agh, lucky hit.”

“Watch your back, Nassa!”

“Ha! I’ve had mudcrabs hit harder than that!”

“Brigand scum! You’ve made your choice!” (If fighting Bandits)

“Back to your coffin, undead heathen!” (If fighting Draugr, Skeletons, Vampires or Dragon Priests)

“Die beast!” (Fighting wild animals, sometimes dragons)

“Triumphant again.” (Winning)

“Another good battle.” (Winning)

“How unfortunate. Shame we couldn’t talk them out of it.” (Winning)

“And this is what happens when you challenge us.” (Winning)

“Huuh... If I can just... Stand up...” (Wounded/Down)

"Khani..." (Khani, meaning “Damn” or a similar swear.) (Wounded/Down)

"Ahi joon ahtien Zantel!" (”I will trick/cheat Death”) (Wounded/Down/Getting up)

Other Dialogue (Specific cities, locations, situations, etc.)

Player Interactions:

“Find some cover, damn it! I won’t drag back a corpse!” (Player reaches low health)

“Fall back! I’ll cover you!” (Player reaches low health)

“No! Bastards!” (Player dies)

“Is this really necessary..?” (If player picks up an object and drags it, usually a dead body)

“Don’t expect me to hold back the guards...” (If player is stealing/murders someone)

Bonus: Marriage:

“Well, I... Find it hard to imagine life without you. I would die to protect you, and I would fight by your side for more than just gold and glory. If you would have me, of course.” (Player asks, “Are you interested in me?”)

“Until Oblivion claims us, then.” (Confirming marriage proposal)

“Get away from her/him!” (Married, player reaches low health)

Location interactions:

“I certainly wouldn’t mind a warm bed and a bottle of mead...” (Entering an inn)

“A cave, don’t expect me to take the lead.” (Passing/entering a cave)

“I don’t need a connection to the Hist to tell that this tree is something special.” (Whiterun, near the Gildergreen, after player completes questline)

“ -sniffling sounds- Ergh... Smells like wet dogs.” (In whiterun)

“...This place brings unwanted memories. Let us be quick with our business here.” (In Windhelm)

“Well, besides being cold, this place isn’t so bad.” (Roaming Morthal & surrounding area)

“Maven is the heart of corruption here, best avoid her as much as possible.” (Passing through Riften)

“Hard to believe people even want to live here still. The isolation would drive me mad.” (Passing through Winterhold)

“Ugh, mages. Perhaps it’s best if they stay in their college.” (Passing through Winterhold)

“ -shivering- ...Y-You wouldn’t happen to have a fur cloak, do you?” (Moving through any cold province. IE Dawnstar, Winterhold, and Windhelm)

[euesworld]

"I was just thinking how good it would be to hear your voice right now, mmmmmmm.. the sounds of home in your voice are so beautiful, the way you talk is just lovely, soft, and fun."

You just sound like the doors of my big heart opening up and leading me towards the light - eUe.. your voice is like the sound of heaven!

[jianxis]

I ship He cheng with the hot white hair dude ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Because you know, they're in the same gang... no time for serious relationship, so they can have pretty fun together( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)....

sounds fun,,,, eue