#this show is making me go insane /pos

[nerdylittleguy]

"we're on opposite sides!"

"we're on our side!"

[acekindaneat]

I don't want this to end.

A cute little date scene that I really liked from the fic The Big Woo by @tinkertoysdamn !!!!!

[kamileonik]

life update: i have finally binged gravity falls and im happy to report that i. cried. like a baby. i got the show recommended to me so many times and yeah. all those people were right. its good. i feel strangely melancholic also. from other things, i missed a math test because i didnt feel well. im sure that wont have any consequences in the near future or anything

[rebloggedsunsox]

I recently finished watching Good Omens and I find it interesting that a lot of people are also describing their feelings on diffferent parts of it as making them varying degress of sick and ill. I don't know who means it figuratively or literally or both, but when I tell you I could not describe my emotions to my friend immediately after watching the last episode as anything other than "I AM UNWELL" and I still can't. The elaboration just escapes me here, which is a thing that never happens because I can usually elaborate on anything for ages. I literally can't explain my feelings about it other than I AM SICK I AM NOT OKAY I AM UNWELL!!! And I don't know why. Pain.

[connorconsumestrousers]

PART 2

[tiredsmashbros]

and so we are gathered here today, to hear TSB's horrible 1k sobbing {LONG}

well guys, it's been officially a week later since the end of the "birthday party" event. crazy it already flew by fast but formerly something i really wanted to say from the very start: thank you.

quite frankly i know i could've just made a simple thank you text as a normal person does, but i wanted to really to show my gratitude by giving something nice. and that something nice was the discord server until... my chaotic brain decided to make a daily week event inspired by scott cawthon UIGHJDSXUKGJH but otherwise- i hope everyone enjoyed tuning in everyday and i've personally been having a blast talking and hanging out with everyone since.

now, i got my secret final card up my sleeve that i've been wanting to do. was to give back something to some specific folks. amazing folks. folks that one: were my introduction to this amazing smg4 community, and two: friends i've made that has genuinely changed my life for the better, and three: been the greatest support i could've ever asked. it's still insane to me that i knew my life would be changed the moment i clicked on a youtube video of someone yapping about a specific blue and purple character from a gmod meme show and if they would work canonical. following up with me just 3 hrs later my first fanart doodle for myself. with just recently that moment being so happy i reached 100 followers on here... if you would've told me four months later that it'll exceedingly grow 10x i would laugh at you and walked away... you guys are insane in the best way possible it has scared me to death, but never have i done better improving my skills and mental health.

and with that, i give to thy, my absolute wholeheartedly appreciation:

@theartistisme43 you were the, if not one of, my first exposure to the community on twitter when i was looking for fanart on day one. i remember vividly being so captivated by your smg4 au by implementing sign language to your smg4 rigs. especially cause despite i've been meaning to relearn sign language for years, it has a special place in my heart for personal reasons. i remember being so obsessed with your animations replaying it again and again and adoring your art style so much. i've been {and still am} really shy expressing my feelings but seriously man i genuinely love your work so, so, SO much. it's still insane to me how you get the unfortunate rope under your feet by some nasty ass fools on twitter, but ong, they're just so jealous our your gmod rigging talent and storytelling. seriously man keep going!! always excited to see what you cooking up next! 💛

@ominus-potato + @bluestrawberrybunny adding you both together because ong it will feel weird to me if i didn't. of course, i am a fanfic addict once i get into a new fixation... and you two have been feeding me graciously. ominus, i love and get inspired by your fics SO MUCH it's insane to me how i'm alive after reading a new piece you've made /pos. you were also my introduction to marware and i've stayed since even if it was started of as a joke UIGHJV. strawberry i remember discovering you on artfight but exploded when i found out you were the creator of the apprenticeship au fic. i was shy to read it but i've been wanting to give you something before artfight started i finally caved in to the lore and my only regret is not getting into it sooner. i love both of ya'lls writing styles so much it's inspired me to genuinely get back into writing fanfics. thank you both so much and please continue writting!!!! i get so excited every now and again going to bed reading them. 💛🌈

@aquaproductions and speaking about artfight... yoU! i remember discovering you actually from trap sanchez's smg4 map BECAUSE THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I WAS PAUSING TO SEE EVERY PEICE TO THEN EXPLODE WHEN YOU SHOWED THEM AT THE END HIUGJHFEDS i LOVE you style so much and god when i got the message from you on artfight i actually fucking screamed. even getting that attacked for you has never once failed to make me smile. i've overcome it by now,, but i genuinely was really shy because you are just so cool and i'm still going crazy the fact your a fan of the boys LIKE BROOOOOOOOOO IUGHJDSXYUJ. ahem- anyways... kEEP BEING SLAY AQUA!!!!! 💛💕💛

@coralalala64 + @cookiepopcat ah yes another duo bc im trying to shorten this but cause you both played a similar role for me. you two, i kid you not, are the first folks i followed while joining the smg4 community. i am in love with your traditional work sm corala i am just obsessed with comics and seeing someone was making 34 comics just made me jump in glee. additionally i love the c r e a t u r e gag sO MUCH T&*YGUIHJK. cookie in general i adore your artstyle so much and especially how you add those little sparks on the hair GUHH ITS SO CUTEEEE!!! i became more of a bigger fan from your shark au and now a fan of ur new au with 3! so excited to see what you guys got cooking up next!!! 🌿💛

@zurkton i know we don't get the opportunity to talk much more but i seriously wanted to feature you in as my appreciation from the insane support you've been giving me. seeing your comments make me smile in glee and even a bonus seeing something new you make. i adore your gmod style of these silly mario recolors BUT SRSLY MAN UR OWN STYLE IS SO GOOD AND SEEING U MADE AN OC FINALLY GUH ITS BEEN IN MY TO DO LIST FOR SOOOOOOO LONG. JUST GUH I LOVE UR WORK SO MUCH PLEASE CONTINUE BEING AWESOME AND I HOPE WE CAN GET MORE TIME TO BE ABLE TO YAP MORE!!! /GEN 💛🍳

@clownypillar oh yeah. you bet your buggy ass i added you on here. cause bRO i was surprised to find someone else who loves bugs it made my little me so happy. and i still have not gotten over that smg4 cult of the lamb au you made since, i love that game sm seeing that on my feed just made me immediately become a fan. doesn't help the fact blue/silas says really amazing and silly things about you in our talks i was so shy finding the right opportunity to try and talk to you qnq,, and when the opportunity did come up {bot issue} I GOT EVEN MORE NERVOUS IHKJFEGDSXUGJH /POS i love your humor sm man you are so fun and i apologize silas has gotten you under the theory trap sigh... but other than that i need to get back into my retired bug fixation and find more ways to make fun of you as we yap and appreciate dr pepper 💛🌈🥤🐛

@libbytwq i still remember the day i got that tsb piece from you on artfight and literally screaming and running around my room in glee seeing my silly man in a silly looney pose. seriously man, ever since i saw that i immediately became a fan of you. i just am a sucker for your style man /srs. hECK i remember struggling so hard to pICK someone to fight back bc i genuinely loved all your ocs and wanted to do everyone- i also find it sO funny and ig coincidental theres so many like coincidences with you??? ong i need to say this or im going to continue going crazy- like ong libby {oc} reminds me one of my trusted friends oc and brings me back to my 2016 nostalgia days, i actually have an oc name lore who has a similar hair style as smgl:e, AND THE FACT WITH OUR SMG4 OCS LORE SIMILARITIES LIKE BRO WE LIVE IN A MATRIX OR SOME SHIT THIS MAKES MY BRAIN EXPLODE AAAAAIOYUIGHJEFDSXZ /J but in all seriousness bro, i love talking with you and seeing your silly work so much. i know you're gonna be makin awesome things bro and you bETTER WIN THOSE MARCHING BAND COMPETITIONS IUGJHEDS 👑🍔🌈💛

@its-a-me-mango mango mango mango... YOU BRITISH FREAK- anyways. you seriously were one of my favorite artist when i joined and ngl i was absolutely terrified talking to you to the point i legit thought you hated me at some point IOKJEHFDWS heCk getting that attack from you on artfight blew my fucking mind bc i was screaming over the tari duck since af was the only place i dropped the tari love interest and i didnt realized it until i looked at your page that you were THE MANGO... bro i actually fucking exploded you have no fucking idea how happy i was 🌈. like you are one srsly one of my favorite inspirations man i love your artwork, your humor, and just everything man. i'm still going internally insane that im talking to you sm bro and the memes we mAKE BRO IM UYIGJHFDWSXZYUITJG THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A SILLY MANGO HORSE DOCTOR DUDE, YOU ARE SO COOL, INCREDIBLE, AND MAN WHERE IS THAT SNOWTRAPPED 1K YOU PROMISED /J i could go on a bit more but im literally exploding just writing this rn so now imma just lalalalalalalala 🍔💛🌈🥭🐴

@josiekatxd / josiekatxd jo. you are one insane creature /pos. LIKE DAMN MAN YOU DRAW SO FAST IT WAS WILD GETTING ALL THE AMAZING TSB GIFTS AND GETTING TO KNOW MORE OF UR OC 7 JUST BECAME A MORE JOYOUS RIDE!!!! i love your work so much man and the amount of support i've gotten from you makes me so so SOOSOSOSOS HAPPY ITS OVERWHELMING /POS. i enjoy talking with you man {even if i may be slow at timess..} pLEASE dont be afraid to send me smth, more yummy art or MEMEMSSSSS i appreciate anything and everything!!! this was honestly such a joy getting to draw 7 again she's been stuck in my head for so long hELPPP /SILLY ���⭐️💛

@rr3d2y AKO!!!!! YOU!!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY MAN EVER SINCE THAT ATTACK YOU MADE FOR ME FROM ARTFIGHT I HAVE BEEN A DIEHARD FAN SINCE. I WENT ABSOLUTELY INSANE OVER IT SO MUCH I HAD TO SHARE IT WITH MY IRL FRIENDS IT MADE ME SO HAPPY. EVEN MORE HOW YOU ACTUALLY IMPLEMENT MY INTERESTS EVERY TIME YOU ATTACKED??? LIKE HELLOOOO??????? AND DAWKO??????? AND JUST UR OC IN GENERAL I LOVE HER SO MUCH BROOOO IUYGJHEFWDCSXZUYHKJ EDWSHJDCS LIKE DUDE I HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH I COULD WRITE A FULLBLOWN ESSAY UNTIL YOU BARGED IN WITH YUMMY ART EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. YOU SPOIL ME SO MUCH AKO YOU ARE INSANELY INCREDIBLE AND SUCH A JOY TO TALK TO AND BE SILLY WITH. IT MADE ME SO HAPPY TO FIND SOMEONE WHO SHARES MY INTERESTS FROM THE START AND I STILL GO CRAZY EVERY TIME ANY OF IT IS MENTIONED. WHETER ITS SMG4, DAWKO, CG5, FAIRYOFFPARENTS, SONIC, WOLVERINE UYIGJHEFDSCXUIGJH IT ALL MAKES ME JUMP UP AND DOWN KICKING MY FEET MAN. I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY IM A BIG FAN AKO. I APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE 1 MILLION PERCENT AND ADORE YOUR SUPPORT SO MUCH. THANK YOU AKO THE GREAT!!!! LIFETIME SUPPLY OF CHOCOLATE MILK FOR YOU!!!!!!! 🍫🥛💛🌈🍔💕

@radiantrevolt i know your not in the smg4 community whatsoever let alone know anything but i srsly meant it that receiving your support was such a big deal to me man. i never expected you to join the server but it genuinely made me feel more secure knowing i got you right my side just like old times. your support means the world to me man even if i suck as explaining or expressing that. you genuinely mean a lot to me man and the fact your still sticking around if still mind boggling to me evermore. thank you ander for staying by my side and willing to do so even at a space your unfamiliar with. being able to talk to you again has been such a joyride 💛💛💛💛🌈🐈‍⬛

and lastly...

these two freaks...

@strange0-0storm + @bluesbox... honestly... i owe you two a lot. genuinely. storm i remember you specifically when i first started acknowledging the smg4 community bc of how recognizable smg8 was on tumblr and immediately finding you to be so cool. so cool in fact, I WAS TOO SHY TO INTERACT TYIGHJFEDS. i LOVE smg8 so much and getting to see your other ocs such as jessee, cold cash, spamton... 8YIUGFEDSU J ITS JUST SO COOL AND HOLY FUCK MAN I LOVE YOUR ART SO FUCKING MUCH. I AM STILL FUCKING OBSESSED WITH THE TSB PIECE FROM ARTFIGHT MAN VDCXZUYJHGF ITS JUST SO PERFECT I CAN GO FUKING GO OFF AGAIN IHUGFJEDS but in all seriousness man, thank you so much for having the courage to respond to my lipbite comic, to me having the courage to follow you back and interact with you more, to giving me the courage again to join ur server, and the courage to say yes to watching popee with you and silas. finn you have no idea how much your silly words have an impact on me you make me so nervous in the most positive silliest way you have no idea how genuine happy i was being in that call for the very first time. even tho i know how quiet and anxious i was from the start, it was cause i was so shy and nervous bc man it was you! YOU!!!! you're such a fucking awesome guy finn i want you to seriously never forget that!!!! silas, thank you for even talking to me. hell, even after finn left to sleep we stayed and yapped for few more hours. i was never expecting that outcome ever in my life due to past experiences, and im so glad to the earth and back that it did come out as it did. i love talking to you man, i love seeing your work so much, and adore and appreciate to the fullest all the gifts you made me. thank you even more for getting me into the great gatsby and returning my hidden sherlock fixation back to light. i appreciate it way more that i can ever express it man. whether it may us talking about our day, silly nonsense, or me bullying you /j, it makes me so happy. and so grateful i can call you and finn my friends. you guys seriously helped me get out of my darkest angst shell i've had caged inside myself for the past, i didnt think i would ever escape from let alone actually be able to heal from. i didn't think i could ever be the happy ever again. like guys, i look forward to every week getting to get on a call with you guys so much its honestly my favorite activity/event of the week. i know im just silly guy i don't ever show my sappy self ever to ya'll but i mean it wholeheartedly ya'll helped me out so much more than you guys could ever imagine. i love you both so much i just wanna pick you two up and throw you into a canon so we could all go to disney world together and be just be silly. thank you finn, thank you silas 💛🤍💙🍔🍟🥤

i could honestly continue yapping but i was not expecting this to take longer than i was originally expecting so imma just end it here for now. i do want to thank everyone in the smg4 community for your continuous support. the amount of appreciation and love i get is still insane for me to grasp and i adore every single piece of giftart i've ever received. never did i expect to grow this big let alone meet such incredible and talented people ever in my life. i genuinely love all of you guys. thank you so much and onwards to more silliness!!! 🍔🌈 ⛅️🌿

[spitdrunken]

i am absolutely insane about your headcanons with the vee's, my mind is so full now... this is exactly what i was hoping to find when searching through the hazbin x reader tag after watching the episodes 👁️🙏🏻 please i'm so!! the being a writer for the vee's imagine is such a good idea, val and his.. comment especially got to me..

also, for your consideration:

Val — or all of the Vee's, really —, but, in the beginning, he's really not convinced about the quality of your dialogues, despite all the lines he's read (or, well, has had Vox read to him), so naturally you have to read your previous stories out loud to him, cheeks flushing and squirming when it gets to particularly graphic scenes and his gaze on you is so very heavy, smoke caressing your jaw while you stumble over your words.. It's worse if you've written about them and a character who resembles you, and Val's smile widens when you skip from story to story, mentioning the character — definitely not you — sucking Vox off, bending over willingly for Val and begging for Velvette to touch her, or even take all three of them at once, greedy...

Also the. love potions Velvette makes have me feeling things.. Her or Vox but they might end up putting a drop or four into your glass — purely accidentally, of course! —, and...

this is terrible.. my mind is too full now... i might have to post writing for hazbin now and it is your fault alone.. (affectionate; truly, I've enjoyed your thoughts so very much!! thank you for sharing!)

I'm glad you enjoyed it so much :D!! I had an absolute blast writing it myself, and I've been thinking about it lots!! Your ask made it even Worse (/pos) and I simply had to write more!! Please please please let me know if you write something for Hazbin, I can tell from your ask already that it'll be wonderful! And if you ever wanna chat about these guys, feel free to message me again, haha.

Notes: power imbalance, sexual harassment, heavily dubious/noncon due to love potion usage.

The fact Vox even bothers at all to take the time to sit Valentino down and read to him is already a show of your quality— He really wouldn’t go through wrangling him like that for just anyone, especially not with Val getting a bit pissy when being reminded your works were being compared to his. He needs to be told that, obviously, Val, some mere written words are never going to compare, especially not in earnings, to his creations. This placates Valentino. But all Vox gets for his efforts are a lazy flick of one of Valentino’s four wrists, his eyes not even looking at him. “Look, I still think it fucking sucks. But if you wanna hire them so badly, whatever. I’ve got better shit to do than listen to daddy’s horny story-time.” Suffice it to say, he becomes a lot more… Amiable (poor you) once you’re actually working there, and he has a face to attach to the stories. He can tell upon first glance that you’re one of those pathetic little hermits, too scared to leave your own shitty apartment, barely scraping by— He’s recruited plenty of those types as whores, after all. So easily pushed around that it shouldn’t give him nearly as much satisfaction as it does.

When Valentino practically demands you join him in his room and read your previous work to him, you sputter out protests, heart skipping a beat. Every employee in the company has something bad to say about this man, and so he’s about the last person you want to be caught alone in a room with. Especially not his bedroom.

“Ah, sir, I’m not really sure—“ But he’s already wrapping one of his arms around your shoulders, pulling you flush against his side as he drags you through the halls. The first thing that strikes you is how different the texture of coat is than you were expecting. It doesn’t even feel like anything at all. “Oh, sweetheart, call me Valentino. No need to be so unfamiliar with each other.” He practically purrs, a single finger tracing up the contours of your chest. “I feel like we’re going to get quite familiar.” If all the alarms weren’t ringing in your head before, they most definitely are now. But there’s nothing you can do. His grip on you is tight and, underneath his red coat, you can feel the hard metal of a pistol pressing against you.

He takes you to his room, walls covered with posters featuring himself, and you hardly have the time to look around before he sits you down on one of his red couches, still caught underneath one of his arms. It’s hard to think, much less speak, as Valentino starts to prod you to pull out your phone and start reading. “No need to be shy. You’re such an artista, aren’t you? Don’t keep me waiting.” It’s easy, at first. When the scene hasn’t grown explicit yet, and you can pretend you’re only reading the text out loud to yourself like you always do, making sure the sentences sound right. But Valentino makes it hard for you to distract yourself entirely. He rubs circles on the skin of your thigh, and the smoke from his pipe has long since been the only thing you can smell. The red smoke makes your head a little hazier, tongue a little looser— Though that all just might be because you’re not getting enough oxygen. Your every muscle is tense and, you think, this is what being a prey animal must feel like. The first time you stutter out the word ‘cock’, Valentino barks out a laugh, loud and sudden, entirely contrasting with the sultry demeanour he’s been putting on the whole time. You jump, gaze flickering from the screen to his face, before continuing. It gets worse when you realise exactly what story you’re reading out loud to him, one of the ones you’d never even posted anywhere, so utterly self-indulgent and poorly thought out that you regret it with every ounce of your being. (Unbeknownst to you, Vox has already read every draft you’ve ever typed up, but that’s neither here nor there.)

“Sorry, can I maybe, um, read a different one?” You practically squeak out. “I realised I have some better drafts, and…” “No,” Valentino shuts you down, tone temporarily harsh. “Don’t get too fucking cocky now, you’re already taking up enough time as it is. Shit’s about to get interesting, finally.” He’s saying all of this as if he wasn’t the one to drag you there in the first place.

So you trudge onward, reading as fast as you possible can, just trying to tough it out. As you read about a scared, unaccomplished demonic main character catching the eye of a trio of some of the most famous demons in town—through entirely unrealistic circumstances—you can see his grin grow wider from the corner of your eye. His nails dig into the flesh of your thigh, the smoke surrounding your face turning to caress your cheeks.

“So, let me gets this straight… You wrote about a trio of powerful demons with matching names, taking turns fucking an absolute nobody silly. One of them’s a pimp, the other a fashion designer, and the other a business man.” Valentino doesn’t give you the chance to respond. “Greedy little slut. You even chose this one specifically to read out to me, huh? Seems I got you all wrong,” he hisses out. “This must be a dream come true for you, isn’t it?”

Let’s just say that you got enough ‘material’ to write another four or so stories, just from that line alone.

----- A drop of love potion, and models always behave the absolute best, or so Velvette thinks! (As long as you don’t put in too much. It’s very hard to take good pictures when the girls keep trying to kiss you.) No bitching, no whining, only an easy to pose, cute demon to work with. And if she dresses you up in clothes that reveal more than they obscure, purely for her own enjoyment and usage, who’s going to blame her?

Certainly not you. You won’t remember a single damn thing. Not even the parts where you babble on about how pretty and gorgeous and cool she is, and how you’ve admired her for so long— All things she’s heard a million times before. Normally, she wouldn’t care less about it, but such words coming from someone with only a drop of her potion in her system means they’re all the absolute truth. She thinks it’s almost cute when it’s coming from you, really. ------------ Vox, on the other hand, would be more likely to use his hypnosis on you than a love potion. Just to have a few minutes in the middle of a meeting where you’re practically putty in his hands, all of your usual anxiety and shame having slid right off of your shoulders. He doesn’t feel any guilt about it whatsoever. Having read all of your works, he finds it safe to say that this is the exact kind of scenario you would enjoy…

And even if you didn’t, he still would. He gets a bit of a thrill out of the loopy, relaxed smile on your face as you nuzzles your cheeks against his arm, professing all of the thoughts you had about him before working at VoxTech, and the ones you still have today. It’s during one of these exact moments, that he’d likely find out that Valentino had fucked you already, something he hadn’t found necessary to mention. They’ll have a bit of a discussion about that later!

[kore-arts]

So! New au hehehe. Joker jr and Red Hood take place in the same universe.

@aurora-bore-aura and I have been going insane/pos

Jason Accidentally falls through an unfilled tunnel into Arkhams basement. Glad that even his half mask canceled his yelp as he stalks through the facsimile of a suburban scene. His eyes narrowed as he saw cords leading from a grill. They widen again as he sees Harley snoring on a picnic table.

Fingers tense around his knife until he hears soft almost inaudible sobs. A kid, and oh how that struck his heart. Even more when he sees the torn and bloody Robin suit.

His replacement lay on a metal table. Bound and sobbing in his sleep, another Robin tortured by a monster. He jumps hearing a laugh that haunts his head as he slashed the binds. As he dodges, swings and taunts he picks up the boy. Copper floods his mouth as he bites his tongue to not make a sound.

His mind blank, he knocks the two out and runs out. He is dangerously aware of how light, how small his replacement is. Especially as his eyes open and a mumble of “my ‘obin. My ‘obin saved me” before going slack again.

(⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆

And so Jason pre- Red Hood finds and saves Tim. Only nights before the others could. The poor boy is at best near catatonic or mumbling. Or at worst laughing and choking on tears.

So Jason is trying. He is Really trying, he does laugh when he finds out Tim glammed up the heads in the dufflebag. And when he gets back and finds him rebuilding the bazooka. It worked extremely well.

It takes time. Tim picked up the hobby of sneaking and reading the tomes his parents illegally kept. Magic being a hobby that didn't remind him of either Joker or being Robin.

Or when they had to temporarily relocate as Gotham celebrates for weeks as the Joker Mysteriously showed up dead. And no it wasn't one of the two of them.

Or when Jason ate a glowing ball only to find out he was a Starving Halfa and ate the Joker's core.

He basically got food poisoning and Tim got a Friend out of the Ghost Princess and King! And finds out Jason is a Protection spirit on the way to be the next Lord Gotham as Lady Gotham is steadily growing weaker and tired.

Jason and Tim sit down once. Laughter was a problem and they both needed to seperate it from the monster. Tim brought up he wanted to help. And they talked. And so Crow joined Red Hood on the scene. Murder being a last resort and the Caw like laughter being a warning message in their territory. Soon enough the Bats and Birds would find out. And they didn't know what they would do.

Ps the Crow is named Alice. She keeps finding pocket watches

[spaloonbabooguuscooties]

You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together�� because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

[helloitstsyu]

Confession | Pete "Maverick" Mitchell

My masterlist

Pairing : '86 Maverick x f¡reader

Summary : you have a crush on maverick, he notices. Maverick pushes you to confess.

Warnings: alluded smut. Mostly overall fluff.

Requested: by anon. Thanks for requesting i hope you enjoy!<3

Pete "Maverick" Mitchell.

What's to like about him? He's so full of himself and he doesn't follow the rules. He happens to be your instructor too, your commander. He is trouble. But that doesn't stop you from developing a crush on this cocky commander.

That's what you should've seen in the first place. Not his pleasing smile, amazing hair, and perfect eyes, or his impeccably hot exterior. Maverick is hot. He is damn hot. But the more turning weeks you spend in Top Gun near his presence, the more you notice what a gentleman that he actually is. And that.... made you fall even deeper for someone's out of your league.

The result of your uncontrolled emotion is that you find yourself insanely shy around him. You have no idea you can be that shy. But whenever he's around, you'd feel your heart double beating in times. Perhaps you're so scared that he'd notice, or perhaps you're too afraid to make a fool of yourself in front of him.

"Mayday, mayday, we got fuck me eyes in the area," Dingle, your RIO whispers to you.

"Gosh, Dingle!" You slap his back as he laughs contentedly.

Dingle's the only one who knows about your crush on the instructor. You didn't tell him of course, he figured it out. He said it's obvious since you acted so differently around Maverick.

"The hell are you talking about?" you play dumb and act as if it weren't true.

"Come on, Pep, you're so caught right-handed."

Looking back straight up, Maverick is across the room playing a game of pool with another naval aviator. He bends down, eyes straight and sharp as he aims for the ball to the pocket. Your eyes follow the lengths of his arms. His toned arms... your gaze just involuntarily follows the veins on his arms. Maverick then takes his shot. He hit the nail on the head, he perfectly nailed the shot. Gosh, he even makes playing pool look so hot, he makes everything look so hot.

You shake your head and palm your face. "This is getting worse, Dingle.."

"Just tell him, take your shot, Pepper," Dingle tells you.

You shake your head. The idea of telling him that you have a crush on him always makes your stomach flip. How could you? You couldn't even stare at him right in the eyes for too long.

You take a deep breath and leave a heavy sigh. "What is wrong with me?!" You ramble.

"What's wrong with you?" The voice that you're far too recognized speaks.

You reopen your eyes to find Maverick comes to you and Dingle. You widen your eyes slightly at Dingle, cursing him non-verbally to not warning you that Maverick is coming in your way.

"Something's wrong with you, Pepper? Is everything alright?" Maverick asks with concern in his eyes. He reaches out his hand to hold your arm, showing the emphaty he feels as he practically asks you whether you're okay.

"Uh... excuse me, i need to go to the toilet." Dingle says.

You quickly turn your head to him. Beg with your eyes to not leave you alone with Maverick cause god knows you couldn't comprehend it alone.

"Sir..." Dingle politely nods to Maverick before leaving us be.

Maverick looks back at you, "Uh... I'm–I'm okay, sir."

"Yeah?" Maverick skeptically wonders about your answer. Out of nowhere, an unreadable slight smirk appears on his face. "You don't really sound sure..." he smiles mischievously.

"Uh..." you chuckle awkwardly, looking down at the floor rather than back at his green eyes. "I'm sure,"

You glance back to his face. "Thanks for checking in, though, sir." You smile then eyes away from him again. You already feel your heart thumping.

Maverick purses his lips and nods. "Okay.... okay, if you say so,"

You nod. "Well... do you want to play po—"

"I'm actually-- not really feeling okay. Maybe i had too much beer... could you excuse me, i-imma go back to base." You cut Maverick before he could've finished what he's trying to say.

You stand up from your stool, and stupidly you stumble on your own feet. Maverick's quick to catch you before you fall. You look up to his face. His face stays inches above yours. You have never been this close to him. Feels like your heart is about to beat out of your chest.

"Oohh... careful," he casually says. So casually like it means nothing to him.

You stand up straight to your own feet again. Awkwardly laugh it off. "T-thanks... um, goodnight, sir." You walk hastily out the door.

-------

"Pepper," Maverick calls you out just after you rise from your seat. You've seen this coming, especially after that near hit you did earlier.

"Do you mind staying behind? I'd like a word," he says.

You exchange a look with Dingle. But eventually you wait till the last person is out of the room, leaving you and Maverick behind. You walk up to him. "Sir?" You ask.

Maverick walks around his table and sits on the edge of it, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "What happened?" He asks, his eyebrows knitting together.

You look down from his intense gaze, shaking your head, "I lost control of—"

"No, I'm not asking you that," he interjects. "What. Happened?" He emphasizes the question.

"We talked about what went wrong technically. But what happened? You never step out of your game." Maverick asks solemnly calm. The way he should've been furiously mad kind of making you more nervous.

"I.... i lost focus,"

"You lost focus?" Maverick repeats, eyebrows raising.

"I.... I'm sorry, sir. I-it won't happen again,"

"Lost focus.. you jeopardize your team's safety, your RIO's life."

You look down. Embarrassed by your failure. "I know, sir. My apology."

"You lost focus.." Maverick sighs, "So where was your focus? What's so important that clouded your mind, Lieutenant?"

Beat. You feel like you're pushed to the corner, checkedmate. How can you answer that? That your mind replays the scene of last night when Maverick touches you. When his face stays inches above yours?

"Uh.... um..." you stutter.

Maverick smiles mischievously, "Cat got your tongue, Lieutenant?"

"I-it's nothing, sir."

"Nothing? I don't buy it." Maverick thinly smiles.

Maverick walks towards you slowly. "Eyes on me, Lieutenant." He orders with such authority in his voice yet still sounds soft.

You feel your palm starts sweating, heart racing.

Maverick smirks. "What got your focus..?" He asks as he walks towards you ever so softly. Making the room feels a drop temperature hotter. "Or... rather.. who?".

"I- i- uh...." You feel your lips trembling so you bite on them.

His eyes drop to witness the scene. "You.... what?" He mutter, eyes locked to your lips. That made your knees limp, you feel like you're about to pass out.

He keeps taking a step closer to you till there's no more room, and he's invading your personal space. You could feel the warmth of his breath fanning to your lips. His eyes look deeply into yours, like he's digging onto you. Your chest heaves. And the closeness of him makes you dizzy. "Y/N," his voice calls you back into reality. Maverick softly grazes his fingers over yours.

You couldn't think clearly with him in mere inches away from you. So the next thing out of your mouth just slipped before you caught yourself. "I have a crush on you." You breathlessly confess.

Maverick's smile slowly can not be attained. The way he says nothing and just smiles there sends you into an anxiety loop, so you ramble on stupid things all at once. "I- i know it's stupid. I'll–I'll get over it. I shouldn't have—" Maverick slipped his hand behind the nape of your neck and just shut you up with his lips seal to yours.

It surprises you at first but, you feel your soul leaves your body. You close your eyes and just sink into him.

Once he breaks away the kiss, your mind buzzes from the after impact of it. Reopening your eyes again, you meet the heavenly greens of his eyes and his perfect smile. "I knew," Maverick retorts softly.

"You're not so hard to read, Pepper,"

You chuckle. Feeling your cheek already burning. "This is a dream," you mutter.

Maverick grins. "Well, Y/N, tell me... can your dream feel this?" Maverick presses his lips to yours again. Hand circling around you and bring you closer to him while the other keeps holding the nape of your neck.

With your body completely pressed to his. Hands to each other's body, and tongue starts colliding in a passionate rhythm, you didn't bother to think whether this is real or not. Even if it's a dream, you want it to last because Maverick tastes like a pure ecstasy. The moment he takes a step forward, pushing you back till you find yourself presented against a table. Any moral misgivings have left the room, and both of you are hurrying to have more taste of each other. Maverick grabs your jaw, set your face aside to have access to your neck. He kisses your neck, starts soft, then gradually picks up his pace. He sucks and nibs the sensitive skin, traveling all around, finding your one spot that got you ticking.

"Maverick..." You whimper.

The exit out of this is already too far. None of you both can stop the overdriving temptation. Your fingers grip on his shoulders. The more he sucks and nibs, the more heat you feel in between your legs. You keep pulling him closer as if there's any gap left. You could feel his hard on pressing onto your center, that sends your mind even more rattling than before. You try to hold back your moans but find yourself helplessly to do so.

His hand explores all your body. Groping your breast from outside of your suit. He's moments away from unzipping your flight suit but a distraction come,  and you both hear a dim voice of the Admiral coming.

Quickly, Maverick leaps off you, just in time for Admiral Caine opening the door. Still with ragged breath, you hold onto the ledge of the table for dear life, your mind still buzzing from the pleasure seconds ago.

"Sir," Maverick stands up straight and slightly nods at the admiral. He's so unbothered as if nothing has happened just seconds ago. While you're still.... trying to compose yourself.

Admiral Caine looks at the both of you. Something must've pass his mind because you could see the skeptically in his eyes. But he knock it off and instead calls Maverick for a word.

Maverick glances at you before leaving the room without saying any words. The moment the door slams close, that's when you truly can breathe.

Dreams do always stop whenever it's getting good.

[joonsmagicshop]

Faking It- Chapter Two

Summary: When you first met Namjoon you never expected he would ghost you for a month due to his own clumsiness. You also never expected him to walk into your café and ask you to be his fill in girlfriend at his cousins wedding.

Pairing: Namjoon/Reader.

Word Count: 5k

Rating: E for everyone

Tags: Again just backstory and stuff to get the plot going

Author Note: protective taetae has my heart

*message me if you want to be added to the taglist*

Masterlist for this fic

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You stood in shock as chaos ensued around you. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from Namjoon as he smiled sheepishly at you, the words he just said reverberating in your brain as you scrambled to make sense of them

“Y/N I kind of well. Will you come to a wedding with me in December? Like in three weeks. I kind of volunteered you by accident. I’m sorry!”

You were just about to open your mouth to say something, maybe ask him to repeat it when you heard your name being called from across the cafe and you looked to see Taehyung struggling to assist a swarm of people.

His brown eyes were wide and panicked and that look alone made you spring into action.

“Namjoon I’m sorry can we… figure this out later I have to… I’m at work.” You finished weakly as you shot him an apologetic look and raced behind the counter immediately snapping into action to help Taehyung as more people came into the cafe.

You had no time to even admire how beautiful it was outside as you kept your head down and kept taking orders and making drinks.

It took almost an hour for the line to clear out and almost every table in the cafe was full. When you finally did look up Namjoon was long gone and his table was cleared.

“Holy crap I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many people at once.” Jimin comments wiping his brow with his apron and sighing, leaning on the counter for a quick break.

“That was insane. Like truly insane. I feel like everyone ducked in here to get out of the snow, our line almost went to the door.” Taehyung commented fixing his headband which had slipped so far back it was no longer holding his hair in place.

The music suddenly stopped as a couple more people walked into the cafe and their eyes widened at how full it was.

“Shit playlist is over,” Taehyung noted as you scooted behind him and squeezed his arm.

“I got it.”

You made your way to the tiny office at the far end of the cafe right next to the cleaning closet and took out your small key ring unlocking the door.

Taehyung kept the office simple with a small desk, a computer, and some minimal decor. You had decided to keep the office cell phone in here as it was still close enough to connect to the Bluetooth speaker but far enough away where it wouldn’t accidentally get spilled on by steaming hot coffee.

You pressed the password and scrolled down to find some festive jazz music, pressing the play button and letting music flood the cafe again.

Festive music felt right when a random snowstorm decided to show up a month before Christmas.

You paused in the office and slunk down in Tae’s big comfy chair letting out a sigh.

You pulled out your phone as a distraction from all the thoughts racing through your brain and you saw you had a text message from an unknown number.

Namjoon.

You never ended up putting him in as a contact.

Namjoon: I know things got busy and it was awful timing to bring that up. You probably have so many questions so text me and maybe we can meet up. Please just let me explain.

The office door opens and Tae slips inside you immediately sit up in the chair and he shoots you a weary smile.

“Crazy afternoon right?” He comments as you start to stand up to let him take his desk chair back but he shakes his head and instead takes the small chair in the corner, scooting it closer to his desk.

“I’ve never seen so many people in here at once.” You say feeling your phone vibrate again.

Namjoon: Please let me explain I feel like an idiot for even bringing it up.

“You okay?” Taehyung asked as you pocket your phone again and tuck your loose strands behind your ear.

“Yeah, I’m all good Tae.”

He stares at you and you know he can see through your lie. He has known you too long for you to get things past him.

“What happened with Namjoon? Do I need to beat him up? I will.” Taehyung says as you crack a smile.

“It was fine. Nothing happened. He- he dropped his phone in a sewer grate before leaving for a business trip for a month. That’s why he disappeared.” You explain shifting your weight in the chair under Taehyung’s heavy gaze.

“So what happened?” He asked leaning forward and waiting for your answer.

“You don’t have to hurt him if that’s what you want to know. I took his number this time and made sure to text him to be sure it was right. We are going to try again from the top.” You say with a small smile on your face.

“Okay, but something else obviously happened because when I called you to help out you looked like a dear caught in the headlights. You never freeze up like that. What did he do?” Tae asks dropping his voice low

“He..well he wants to try again. We both do. Then he told me…well I mean he invited me to a wedding? Told me he volunteered me to go to a wedding with him. And then we got busy so I have no idea what that means.” You say fidgeting with your clothes.

“I’m sorry what? You aren’t going to a wedding with a stranger? And what do you mean volunteered?” He asks concern written all over his face.

“I have no idea. I haven’t had a chance to text him with the rush and all. I came in here to collect myself before figuring this out.” You explain.

“Y/N you can’t. He just got back in your good graces and he’s already asking you for a favor. A huge favor! I mean who does that?” Taehyung argues, brows furrowed as you stand up and take out your phone typing out a quick message to Namjoon before you send yourself into a spiral of overthinking.

You: I’m done work in four hours if you want to come back and explain. I have so many questions.

“I texted him and let him know if he wants to explain he can come after my shift we should probably get back out there or Jimin might burn the place down.” You tease as you walk around the desk and reach for the door however Taehyung stops you with a hand on your arm.

“Please don’t let this guy hurt you again Y/N.” He warns as you stop in your tracks and stare at him.

“He hurt you. I know you didn’t say anything but it was obvious, at least to me. How you kept obsessively checking your phone. How you kept staring at the door in hopes he would just appear. Please be careful that’s all I ask.” Taehyung tells you before releasing your arm.

“Thanks, Tae I will.” You promise as you hold out your pinkie.

Taehyung chuckles and loops his pinkie with yours.

Ritual as old as time, the sacred pinkie promise.

You giggle when you release pinkies and both leave the office hoping Jimin was okay to handle everything for a short while.

Namjoon showed up exactly at seven pm and when you saw him your breath caught in your throat. He looked the same as he did earlier in the day but this time his cheeks were tinged with pink from the cold air and snow stuck to his eyelashes.

While the snowstorm had died down, small flakes were still falling blanketing everything in a soft white and making the world look fresh and new from this morning’s dreary gray sky.

Taehyung was cleaning tables and he shot Namjoon a look when he walked by to meet you at the counter.

Jimin had left an hour ago and Jungkook offered to stay to help Taehyung close up but he was in the back researching new recipes.

“Hey,” Namjoon said as you gathered your things from behind the counter and hung your apron on your designated hook.

“Hi.” You said softly as Namjoon shot you a warm smile that despite your better judgment, had you grinning right back at him.

Taehyung’s warning was still playing in the back of your mind, it had been replaying over and over for the last couple of hours as you finished your work for the day.

Taehyung was just being protective and you promised yourself that you would keep your guard up around Namjoon until you knew him better but every time he smiled it seemed your guard would slip a little bit. He just had that effect on you.

“Ready to go? I thought I could take you somewhere and we could talk.” He asks as you walk around the counter and stand next to him, plopping your bag on a nearby table so you can zip up your coat.

“Where do you have in mind?” You ask as you fumble with your zipper trying not to zip up any of your hair as you took it down before Namjoon showed up.

“I was thinking of a cafe maybe a couple of blocks down from here.” He says shyly as you finally get your zipper working and you look up at him.

“Namjoon we are literally in a cafe right now.” You remind him gesturing around at the mostly empty tables.

“I know but I didn’t think it was right for me to have our first date at your workplace you know.” He answers smoothly causing you to blush.

“This is a date?” You quiz him as you shove your hat over your hair and loop your bag over your shoulders.

“I’m thinking this is a let’s talk and figure things out and we can decide if it is a date after.” He says with a smile as you wave to Taehyung and lead Namjoon out of the cafe and into the cold.

The air is crisp and it burns your lungs slightly as you follow Namjoon out onto the almost empty streets. Overhead fairy lights are twinkling and the snow is slowly dying down with occasional flakes falling. The sky is dark and littered with stars and everything feels so new and magical, or maybe it is the fact Namjoon reaches out to grab your gloved hand.

You smile up at him and after the short walk, you find yourself standing in front of a white building which is a very empty coffee house.

Namjoon politely holds the door open for you and shoots you a charming smile as you enter.

While Tae’s Teas goes for a clean aesthetic look this place takes on a more earthy look and you have to admit the place is beautiful. The walls are cream colored and fake and real plants are scattered everywhere. Everything is soft light wood, whites, browns, and greens and you can’t help but gasp as you notice the giant mural painted on the far wall.

It is a huge climbing ivy, starting at the bottom and expanding outwards to cover most of the wall. Tangled in its leaves are coffee cups and tea cups making the whole thing fit the vibe perfectly.

“Isn’t that piece cool? It’s a legend around here.” Namjoon explains as you continue to stare at it in awe. Whoever painted it seemed to know what they were doing as it looked to be perfect in every way.

“Jin, my friend that owns this place, said the kid came in one day and almost begged to paint that wall. Jin thought why the hell not? If it turns out to be crap he can paint over it. I was away but I heard the story.”

“The kid came in with a sketchbook and got Jin to approve of the idea, every day for two months he came in and worked on it. Hardly talked to anyone just put headphones in and did it. When it was over everyone was so impressed and the kid didn’t even want money. He just said every time he drove by the wall looked so bare and he wanted to make it into something beautiful. Jin of course paid him and then the kid disappeared. No one ever saw him again or even knew what happened to him. We only got a first name. Jungkook. I never met him, Jin met him a handful of times and Yoongi only met him once. Sometimes we wonder if we imagined him but if you look close near the blue teacup you can see his initials.” Namjoon explains pointing out the microscopic JK handwritten there.

“Jungkook?” You ask feeling completely thrown off, blinking up at Namjoon.

Like your Jungkook?

“Jin said that was his name? Wait? Do you know him?” Namjoon asks eyes wide and voice excited.

“Yeah, I work with him. I-I didn’t know he could paint like that holy crap.” You exclaim in awe as you continue to stare at the art truly captivated by it.

It did make sense though, Jungkook always worked on your signs inside and outside the shop as he had the best handwriting out of the four of you. He also liked to add little doodles to things because he said they made it look “more interesting.”

Something like this though, so big and grand it made you glow with pride as you could imagine Jungkook in his dark baggy clothes with his headphones in having the time of his life painting the wall.

“He is our head baker and truly amazing. He does all our signs because he is so good. I had no idea though he did something like that. It’s incredible.” You gush as a voice clears from the counter and you turn to see a man standing there with his arms folded.

You were sure he wasn’t here when you first arrived and you jumped when you saw him.

He was staring at you and Namjoon in annoyance and you knew why. You would hate to be standing there waiting to serve a customer only to have them gawk at the art and take up your time.

“Maybe we should order.” You whisper as Namjoon chuckles and leads you to the counter.

The counter is bigger than yours and you can see that the desert case is almost empty. Maybe they are closing soon and you both should go somewhere else. You didn’t want to make them stay open past close that was so unfair.

“Maybe we should go somewhere else, it looks like they are closing soon.” You whisper feeling small under the worker’s gaze.

“Nah it’s okay it’s just Yoongi. He is our resident grumpy grandpa but he’s as sweet as Suga. He helps out when he can. Jin hired all college and University kids but sometimes with exams, they can’t work as much so we step in and help.” He explains as Yoongi shoots Namjoon a glare.

“I’m not grumpy. Maybe if you didn’t stand and stare at the wall I could have already been home.” He grumbles which has you shrinking more under his gaze.

“This is Y/N Yoongi and she knows who painted that piece. She works with him.” Namjoon explains calmly letting Yoongi’s sass roll off his back as if it never happened.

“You do?” Yoongi asks eyebrows raised as he stares at you.

“Yeah, I work at Tae’s Teas and Jungkook is our head baker there. I had no idea he painted this though.” You admit.

“He is a very talented kid. I met him once. Very shy but talented.” Yoongi complements shooting you a small smile.

“Now what can I get you both.”

You both order Hot chocolate and muffins and Yoongi gets to work as Namjoon chats him up. You find out quickly that they both work together producing music but help out Jin at the cafe when they can. Turns out Jin owns a couple of restaurants and cafes in the city and is quite a popular name among food critics.

Yoongi slides you the food and drinks, swiftly takes his apron off, and gives Namjoon a hard stare.

“I’m trusting you to close the store Namjoon. I’m not covering for you with Jin if you lose the key. Y/N I hate to ask you this but can you make sure he doesn’t lose the key? If I had a dollar for every time he did, well I’d be a very rich man.” Yoongi grumbles.

“Yoongi it hasn’t been that many times,” Namjoon whines as you laugh.

“So he doesn’t just lose cell phones then?” You tease as Namjoon lets out a groan and Yoongi snickers.

“I like this one.” He says pointing to you before gathering his things and waving over his shoulder. He heads out the back door and soon enough you can hear an engine revving.

Namjoon rolls his eyes and leads you to a table near the window. Before he sits he takes his time making sure all doors are locked and the lights are dimmed. He also pulls all the blinds down explaining how he doesn’t want customers to think they are open.

“So wait are we allowed to be in here?” You ask as he finally shucks off his coat hangs it on the back of his chair and sits down.

You follow suit and Namjoon smiles at you.

“Technically I work here so yes. But if you are worried I did okay it with Jin just in case.” He explains as you wrap your hands around the mug and let it warm your bare hands.

The hot chocolate is creamy and rich and you giggle when the whipped cream sticks to your lips. It warms you from the inside out and you wonder if you begged enough Namjoon would tell you the secret to making it taste so good.

“So…” He starts as he slowly takes the top off the muffin and shoves some in his mouth.

“So.” You repeat as you run your hands down your thighs nervously.

“I picked a bad time to drop that whole wedding thing on you. I wanted to talk to you about it I just never expected you to get so many customers at once.” Namjoon admits shyly as you nod and bring your cup to your lips, taking a sip of your drink and giving him the space to talk.

“Okay so. While I was away for a month I did have a week off so I flew back here to visit my parents. They live an hour train ride from here and well… My mom wanted to remind me for the hundredth time that my cousin is getting married in three weeks. December 21st right before Christmas. Which I already knew because he asked to stand in the wedding ages ago” Namjoon starts.

He lets out a small sigh as his eyes roll up to the ceiling.

“Sungho and I grew up together. Because we are the same age we were more than just cousins, we were best friends. Sungho and I grew up almost the same until we got into high school. He was the popular kid, playing sports and dating the prettiest girls. Everything seemed to fall into his lap. Whereas I may be tall, but I sure as hell am not athletic. I was more of the nerdy smart kid. I spent my days completing homework and watching shows while he was out going to parties with girls.” Namjoon says.

“Anyway, this is when tension started to arise. We got compared… a lot. And I just could never compete with him you know. He was just…that guy. Was already riding a bike when I still had training wheels. Knew what it was like to kiss a girl when I still thought they had cooties.”

You chuckled imagining small Namjoon sticking out his tongue when his cousin talks about kissing.

“Then I started making music. I went to underground rap competitions when I was fourteen, that’s actually how I met Yoongi. He is a year older and took me under his wing. Eventually, I told my parents I didn’t want to go to business school I wanted to be a music producer, or maybe a musician myself. At first, they weren’t supportive at all but eventually, they came around. Only if I finished business school. My dad is a hardworking businessman who was hardly ever home because he was always working. I think my parent’s dream was for me to be like him. But I didn’t want that.” Namjoon explains pausing to take a sip of his drink.

“I finished business school for my parents then decided to go into the music thing full time. Yoongi and I were already scouted we were just waiting for….others. They wanted to make us into a band. The greatest band the world would see but after a year they couldn't find anyone that matched our vibe so Yoongi insisted we become music producers instead. This all happened in Korea because I studied abroad. Yoongi came with me and worked on producing music while I was in school. Anyway, they took us on and since everything is online we work from the office here so we both could be closer to our families.”

“No matter what I do I’ll never be Sungho and while I’ve accepted that I don’t think my parents have. When my mom brought up that I would be standing in the wedding she reminded me that my cousin is the same age as me and getting married, while I was always away in different countries making music and maybe I should settle down.” Namjoon chuckles shaking his head.

“She then brought up how I had been single for a while and I just couldn’t take it and told her I was seeing someone. I was so tired of the comparison of Sungho’s life to mine that I just…snapped. I know it is super embarrassing to make up a girlfriend at my age but I just couldn’t bear to see her disappointed face…again. I’m sorry this must seem so pathetic.” He mutters as you reach out to hold his hand.

His hands are large and soft and when you lace your fingers through his you can feel a spark down to your toes.

“I get it Namjoon. I get why you did it. It must have been frustrating to constantly be compared.” You sympathize as he nods.

“Well my mom started to ask me a billion questions so I told her…a little about you. The lies just kept coming and well my mom told me I better be bringing you to the wedding.” He finishes looking ashamed of himself.

“I tried every excuse in the book to get you out of it but my mom doesn’t tolerate liars and I know this so I don’t know why I lied in the first place. You don’t have to come honestly I don’t expect you to I just figured I should shoot my shot you know.” He says running his thumb along yours.

“So you lied to your mom and want me to go as a fake girlfriend to your cousin’s wedding?” You summarize hoping you got it right.

“I mean that makes it sound awful but you're right. Sungho and his soon-to-be wife are loaded. The wedding is up north in the mountains and they rented everyone cabins to stay in. My sister was supposed to come but she is six months pregnant and thought it better not to so it would be us and my parents sharing a cabin.” Namjoon explains taking another bite of his muffin.

“Is this a ploy to get rid of my body in the snow?” You ask honestly which has Namjoon bursting out in laughter.

“No! Definitely not! Though that does sound worse than using you as a fake girlfriend to keep my dignity intact.” He says in between laughter as you finish off your muffin and wrap your hands around your cup again.

“So this is real then?” You ask teasingly as Namjoon smiles and pulls out the invite from his coat pocket sliding it towards you.

The invite is simple enough, a beautiful black and white photo of the couple on the front, and on the back all the details are written in swooping calligraphy.

“How much time do I have to prepare?” You ask as Namjoon’s eyes widen.

“Three weeks…Wait? You are coming with me? For real?” He asks giddy as he begins to wiggle in his seat in excitement.

“I mean. As long as you promise to not be using this to dispose of my body in the snow I don’t see why not.” You say as Namjoon leaps from his chair and pulls you in for a hug.

Your laughter bounces off the walls of the empty cafe as Namjoon whoops and cheers pressing you in for a very tight hug.

“Wow okay so. I will pay for everything. The dress the shoes whatever you need. I’ll also pay for the gift for the couple and your train ticket. You just have to show up.” he babbles releasing you and sitting back down.

“Namjoon you don’t have to…” You start, sitting down again but he stops you.

“First you forgive me for being clumsy, next you agree to help me out. Honestly at this point I owe you my life.” He gushes.

“So I told my mom we have been dating for six months so we have to act like things are pretty serious with us. And I will fill you in on everything about my family so you don’t go in blind. Oh Y/N I’m so grateful for you this just saved me like you wouldn’t believe.” He says eyes wide in excitement and mouth drawn into a grin.

“So I have three weeks to learn all this?” You ask feeling suddenly nervous but Namjoon soothes you by using his pointer finger to trace the palm of your hand. He is so soft and gentle with you that it makes your heart leap into your throat and you feel giddiness spread throughout.

“Yes, but we are going to do it together. You may be my fake girlfriend but I’m also going to be your fake boyfriend. I’m going to be alongside you the entire time.” He says sincerely as his finger continues to trace and is now making its way up your wrist causing goosebumps to rise on your skin.

“Okay, but there is something we have to discuss.” You say as his finger stops moving and he looks up at you with widened eyes.

“What about….this?” You ask motioning between the both of you.

“I mean. We never went on a date or anything and now I’m expected to be your fake girlfriend. What about…whatever we started here.” You ask honestly as Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow as he thinks.

“Here’s what I think. We never got to figure out what this is between us and that is my fault. I say we put it on hold, at least until this whole mess is over then revisit it. I don’t want the lines to become blurred because we don’t know what is real and what is acting. I say we get to know each other up until the wedding as friends. Then we put on our best performance in front of my family and after we can see how we feel.” He confirms and you frown.

“I know.” He says taking in your reaction “This isn’t how I wanted to do this either but I think it’s our best shot so no one gets hurt.” He says taking both your hands in his.

“Yeah, I agree with you I just hate that the first time something romantic happens to me it has to be faked.” You sigh.

Namjoon’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Wait what?” He asks.

You blush.

“I mean I’ve had crushes on people but it never seemed to work out. I’ve kissed guys of course, I even dated a guy in University for five months but as far as romance goes, I haven’t had much.” You admit feeling awkward and not meeting his gaze.

“You coming up to me. I mean that’s not something that ever happens to me. The guy I dated in University… we were from the same friend group and it just kind of happened. That’s why when you ghosted me it hurt so much.” You say still not making eye contact with him and feeling embarrassed.

“Y/N Look at me please.” He whispers and you raise your head to meet his piercing gaze.

“I don’t think less of you because you haven’t experienced a lot of romance or you feel like you don’t have a lot of experience. I promise when this is over I will take you on a real date that won’t end up with us plotting a scheme to have you be my fake girlfriend.” He jokes as you crack a small smile.

“I was serious when I said I wanted to get to know you. And when this is all over we will do this properly.”

And you gasped when he held out his pinkie.

You looped your pinkie around his sealing the deal and smiled up at him. You could put your feelings on hold for a month. Sure you didn’t have experience being someone’s fake girlfriend but you were confident you could figure it out because there was just something about Namjoon. Maybe it was his kind smile, or the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed but something inside you wanted to get to know him, wanted to help him, and just like he said you didn’t want to ignore those signs.

“Okay so let’s get started let me tell you about my crazy family.” He teases with a smirk as you settle in for a long night

Taglist

@caught-in-the-afterglow

@hearteyes4hobi

@m00njinnie

@stayonmars

@marihoneywk

@mustbeaweasleyginger

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@callmenoona25

@borahaetelevision

[nnnyxie]

Now you have me thinking of a nerd and goofball loser tetsu, now even better....his ass having a crush on our chubby reader, hear me out

WAITTTT……… YOURE A GENIUS……..

tis a teensy bit suggestive

nerd!loser!kuroo who loves chubby girls because they’re so much softer and sweeter

high school nerd!loser!kuroo that sweats an odd amount any time you get near him because, the thought of being so close to you makes him go insane.

yaku that literally pushes kuroo to speak to you— but, he fumbles over his words an insane amount of times, to the point where he gives up speaking.

and then it’s you that giggles at kuroo’s awkwardness because, it’s just so cute to you.

kuroo shyly asks you to come watch a practice game— and nearly chokes when you agree

when kai spots you— he points it out to kuroo, who immediately shakes in excitement and nervousness.

yaku that makes kuroo ask you to be the manager just so he could spend more time with you. (and internally squeals when you agree)

bokuto who intentionally riles kuroo by flirting with you (but he also thinks you’re the cutest thing)(ofc he’d never take kuroo’s person. he’s a good friend, kay??)

nerd!loser!kuroo that eventually asks you to be his s/o but, he’s profusely sweating during it and shaking cause he’s so nervous. (he’s never had a partner!!)

when you say yes— kuroo nearly cries (/pos)

timeskip nerd!loser!kuroo that constantly brags about you to his coworkers— he even has a pictures of the two of you on his desk and hanging on his office walls.

this new kuroo who’s still the same loser from your high school days, just with more confidence.

nerd!loser!kuroo that is bragging to team japan— always showing them pictures of you (but ‘accidentally’ swipes too far and they see some…… provocative…. pictures of you both)

your nerd!loser!kuroo that’s always uplifting you, complimenting you, and being the best partner.

sweet, sweet kuroo that still gets nervous on dates because you look ethereal.

nerd!loser!kuroo who just can’t stop touching you. kuroo just loves having his hands on you. he’s holding any part of you he’s able to.

kuroo who loves pinching at your thighs and marking them when you let him.

nerd!loser!kuroo who’s just so stupidly in love with you and your body.

the scraggly :3

[bloodweep]

JOHN DORY SMUT HCS

MORE

I NEED MORREEE 💃💃💃

ESPECIALLY THAT FOREST PLAY SHIT AHSGSYAHDH

Alsooo

BRANCH AS WELL 😭😭

WE LOVE MY BOY BRANCH FRFR

YALL ARE INSANE /POS

I DID A LITTLE MORE ON IT A WHILE AGO BUT GODS I CAN DO MORE

I can

I can

I CAN

I CAN

Oh my fucking GOD HE DRIVES ME CRAZY I HATE I HATE I HATE OMFG

I swear I swear I’m so normal I am I am

Gods id go insane if JD was real and did this jdjNJXJDJFNFNFNJFJ

Also warning kinda?? Knife/machete play (?) maybe blood play kind of??

Yeah,,, I’m normal don’t you comment on it /jjj

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Forest Play: John Dory ࿐ྂ

‗ ❍ ugh uses his machete to stab into the ground above your head when he finally caught you, stabbing it in all the way, gripping the handle in a tight grip

‗ ❍ how other hand grasping the back of your neck and pinning you down

‗ ❍ his fangs are running along your shoulder so softly before biting down, sinking his teeth in

‗ ❍ fuck, I know he only fucks in doggy in this mindset

‗ ❍ WILL use that fucking machete to cut your clothes off

‗ ❍ licks any blood off of you if his machete accidentally nicks you

‗ ❍ goddamn I know this man scratches your hips, back, thighs, ass

‗ ❍ loses the ability to speak really, just clamping his teeth around your neck or shoulder

‗ ❍ if you fall forwards, he does too, a hand pushing under and grasping at your neck to you still

‗ ❍ UGH cums in you so much, enjoys watching it leak down your thighs, dragging his claws up to catch the cum to push it back into you

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Forest Play: Branch ࿐ྂ

‗ ❍ oh this man has a full detailed plan that me makes you go over and over with just in case

‗ ❍ makes sure you know the lay of the land for months before bringing it up

‗ ❍ shows you how to climb things properly, how the hide, things like that

‗ ❍ gives you a head start so he knows it can be somewhat fair - well as much as it can be since he’s pretty used to the forest while you, not so much

‗ ❍ doesn’t speak, make a sound, just hunting you so so easily

‗ ❍ his hearing and sense of smell is a lot more heightened than the average troll because of this

‗ ❍ ugh when he catches you, he tackles you, hands protecting your head so you don’t get hurt before kissing you gently

‗ ❍ ugh ,,, ties your wrists together

‗ ❍ he fucks you so slow but rough, a hand on your chest to keep you pinned, the other gripping and clawing at your thigh

‗ ❍ breeding kink is extremely present during this time

‗ ❍ sometimes will take your tied wrists and pin them down

‗ ❍ bites along your chest and stomach

‗ ❍ tends to hide the bites so only you both could see them

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

Dreamy sigh … primal play is just ,,,,,,,,,,,

[moeswriting]

delicate | d.b.

Pairing: dieter bravo x f!interviewer!reader, social media and interview transcripts

summary: Your internet show “A Little to the Right” is popular enough that you’ve been invited to interview a red carpet. What happens when Dieter Bravo shows up?

Warnings: mostly dialogue if you’re into that (because i needed a break from writing action; i am a dialogue whore); any pictures i use are for inspiration purposes only and do not reflect the reader’s appearance at all; takes place after the events of The Bubble; i had way too much fun making up dieter bravo fandom usernames; talking about Grey’s Anatomy including a spoiler for season 11 (dear god, that show is ridiculously long)

word count: 2.7k

a/n: this is lightly based on andrew and amelia having the most insane chemistry i’ve ever seen. like literally wtf is going on with those two? (/pos) not sure if i’ll ever do this again, but it was a fun way to tell a story that i’ve never done before. this is all just for shits and giggles and to slightly make fun of fandom because i’ve participated in it for most of my life and i think we all have humiliation kinks.

dieter bravo masterlist | masterlist of all masterlists🌼

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Transcript of the first interview:

Y - “Dieter Bravo!”

D - “Hello gorgeous, what’s your name?”

You introduce yourself to him with a shy grin.

D - “Beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”

It should be noted that at this point you are already flustered.

Y - “Oh, thank you!”

D - “You’re welcome, pretty girl.”

You brush him off with a professional smile.

Y - “So, how’s it feel to win Best Actor tonight?”

D - “It feels like the best high of my life.”

Y - “Oh, really?”

You have a smirk on your face. Everyone knows Dieter Bravo’s reputation. He rolls his eyes playfully.

D - “I’ll tell you if that’s still how I feel tomorrow after the after-party.”

Y - “Okay, you let me know.”

D - “I will, I will.”

There’s a moment of quiet where you both look each other up and down. You shake it off pretty quickly though.

Y - “So, you worked on this movie for quite a while if I’m not mistaken?”

D - “Too long, but hey, y’know what?”

Y - “What?”

D - “It all worked out, because now I get to stand here next to a beautiful woman.”

You fan yourself with a hand.

Y - *slightly sarcastically* “Oh Dieter, you’re gonna make me blush.”

D - “That’s the goal, darlin’.”

You seem to notice something off screen.

Y - “Oh, I think it’s time for you to switch.”

Dieter pulls his lips down into a dramatized frown.

D - “But I don’t wanna.”

Y - “Unfortunately, that’s the rules.”

D - “Eh, rules are stupid.”

You give him a big smile, not sarcastic or condescending, a genuine smile.

Y - “Well, you’re gonna get me in trouble, Dieter.”

D - “Oh, we wouldn’t want that.”

You shake your head.

Y - “No, we wouldn’t.”

D - “Next time, pretty girl!”

He hands you his microphone and starts to walk away. You turn over your shoulder and yell back at him.

Y - “You wish, Bravo!”

The viewer can hear Dieter’s muffled hyena-laugh as he walks away.

Comments:

dieterydoo is it just me or is the chemistry insane?

dbscontroversiallyyounggf no one talk to me

bravocanhitthis him calling her pretty girl is CRAZY for it being the first time they’ve ever met

moeswriting oh this is going to be my roman empire i fear

rightytightyleftyloosey i have never seen her go this off-track with someone before. he had her so flustered lol

daddyissuesoops THIS WAS TOO SHORT I NEED MORE

↳ alittletotheright that’s what she said 

(note: This is the only comment on this video that you responded to, nor do you bring up Dieter again after this until you see him again three months later.)

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Transcript of the second interview:

Dieter approaches you from behind you, where you can’t see him. He has a very large grin on his face.

D - “Oh my god, it’s my pretty girl!”

You turn to look at him with an equally large grin, like you’d been waiting for him.

Y - “Your pretty girl?”

D - “Yeah, sweetheart. My pretty girl.”

Y - “This is– what?– the second time we’ve ever talked to each other?”

D - “What can I say, baby? When you know, you know.”

Y - “Oh, you know, do you?”

D - “Yup. Can’t deny the tension we’ve got goin’ on. Everybody can see it.”

You willfully ignore him by changing the subject.

Y - “So, you’re up for Best Supporting Actor tonight, right?”

D - “Yes, I am. Got some good competitors, but I have high hopes.”

Y - *in a stage whisper* “Don’t tell anybody, but I’m rooting for you.”

D - *in a stage whisper* “I would never betray you by telling everyone just how obsessed you are with me, but I think they all already know.”

Y - “I’m not obsessed with you. I just think that you’re a good actor.”

D - “Okay, pretty girl, you keep telling yourself that.”

You jokingly go to snatch his microphone out of his hand with a giggle, but he dodges out of the way with a “HA!” He runs slightly away from you, but still in the camera’s line of sight.

D - *gasps* What are you doing?”

Y - *yelling over the cacophony* “Taking away your ability to speak to me.”

D - *yelling over the cacophony* “I don’t need a microphone to speak to you.”

Y - *yelling over the cacophony* “You do on a red carpet, Dieter.”

He walks back over to you and screws his face up like he’s about to cry, but it’s obvious he’s just being dramatic.

D - *pretend sobbing* “She hates me.”

Y - “Oh, I do not.”

D - *pretend sobbing* “Audience, she hates me. I thought she loved me.”

Y - “Well, I don’t love you either.”

Dieter’s mouth drops into an O and he makes a dramatic show of pretending to stab himself in the chest.

D - “I’ve been stabbed! A direct hit to the heart and the ego!”

You stare the camera dead in the lens like you’re on The Office.

Y - “This has been me interviewing Dieter Bravo. He’s going to give me his microphone and he’s going to walk away now.”

D - “AH!” *pretends to stab himself again*

You hold a hand out for the microphone and he reluctantly drops it in your hand.

Y - “Goodbye, Dieter.”

Now it’s Dieter staring down the lens of the camera. He leans down to talk into your microphone that you still have propped up to your lips.

D - “Never trust a woman with your heart. She’ll stomp it to pieces.”

You push him away from your microphone with a hand pressed to the side of his head and a big goofy grin stretching your cheeks.

Y - *through a barely-contained giggle* “Goodbye, Dieter.”

This interaction can barely be heard as Dieter walks away.

D - “Next time, pretty girl.”

Y - “You wish, Bravo.”

Comments:

youwishbravo i need 8 to 10 business days to recover from this

rightytightyleftyloosey i’m going to stick them in a room until they kiss

↳ dbscontroversiallyyounggf knowing dieter, that would take approximately one second

alittletotheleftbravo you know she comes prepared with actual questions to ask dieter and he doesn’t even give her the chance to pick up the notecard

↳ imalittletothewacky which sucks because her questions usually are actually kinda fun ↳ alittletotheleftbravo but you can’t deny that this is a cute interaction ↳ imalittletothewacky oh no one can deny that, i just wonder what she would ask him given the chance ↳ alittletotheright fun fact: i do, in fact, have many questions prepared to ask dieter and he does, in fact, never give me the chance to ask them. maybe someday.

moeswriting get dieter bravo on a little to the right RIGHT NOW

bravodieter i swear i’m not usually a crybaby, but this woman just does things to me

↳ alittletotheright oh, don’t deny being a crybaby, emotionally available men are hot ↳ bravocanhitthis EXCUSE ME?????

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Transcript of the interview:

Y - “Hello.”

D - “Hi.”

Pause. Heavy staring ensues.

D - “You’re really gonna just sit there and stare at me. Isn’t it like your whole job to talk to me?”

Y - “Yes. It is.”

D - “Then say something, weirdo.”

Y - “No. You say something.”

D - “Okay, fine, I will say something!”

Y - “Okay, then say something!”

Pause. Dieter points accusingly at you.

D - “I’ve been begging her to date me.”

Y - “Yes, you have and it’s mildly disturbing.”

D - “Wha– Me!? Mildly disturbing?!”

Y - “Yes, Dieter, you. Mildly disturbing.”

D - “That’s rude. I should just leave.”

Y - “Are you going to?”

Pause. Dieter gives you an unserious scowl.

D - “No. Obviously not.”

Y - “Good for you.”

D - “Ask your questions.”

Y - “Hm.”

D - “Don’t ‘hm’ me. Ask your questions.”

Y - “What’s your favorite thing to hate-watch?”

D - “Grey’s Anatomy.”

Y - “Seriously?”

D - “Seriously.”

Y - “That show is good.”

D - “No. It used to be good.”

Y - “Oh? You wanna elaborate?”

D - “As soon as Derek dies, it’s unwatchable.”

Y - “Spoilers!”

D - “Oh my god, it’s been almost ten years since that episode came out.”

Y - “Still!”

D - “Get over yourself, babe.”

It should be noted at this point that you won’t stop giggling, even though arguably Dieter isn’t saying anything funny.

Y - “Why do you still watch it?”

D - “Because it’s nice to know that my life could be a lot worse.”

Y - “That’s horribly morbid.”

D - “I also just like the drama of it all.”

Y - “Well, of course. You’re you.”

D - “Well, obviously.”

Y - “Who’s your favorite character?”

D - “Derek or Meredith.”

Y - *sarcastically* “Woah, that’s a really controversial choice. I can’t believe you just said that.”

D - “Hey! I like Meredith’s dark and twisty and I like Derek ‘cause he’s hot. I thought this was a judgment-free zone.”

Y - “Who the fuck said that?”

D - “Well, no one, I guess I just assumed.”

Y - “Well, you know what they said about assuming.”

D - *sarcastically* “Haha, very funny.”

All you do is flash a large grin at him in response.

D - “Well, who’s your favorite character?!”

Y - “Christina.”

D - “Now, I wouldn’t really call that very original either.”

Y - “I didn’t say it was original. I’m just stating the fact that Christina Yang is the best Grey’s character.”

D - “Oh, whatever.”

Y - “Well, who’s your least favorite character?”

D - “Sloan. No question.”

Y - “Well, that’s horribly ironic.”

D - “How so?”

Y - “Are you– are you being serious?”

D - “Yes?”

Y - “If I picked one Grey’s Anatomy character that you were most like, I would say Mark Sloan.”

D - *gasps* “No fucking way. Now, that’s just mean.”

You put your hands up in defense.

Y - “Sorry, sweetie. Face the facts. You are a Mark-Sloan-man-whore.”

Dieter doesn’t respond. He looks you up and down slowly.

D - “You’re ridiculously attractive, did you know that?”

Y - “Did you know that you’re a pain in my ass?”

D - “Yes. I did.”

Y - “If I made you sing karaoke right now, what song would you sing?”

D - “None. I’d burst your eardrums, baby. I can’t sing for shit.”

Y - “Okayyyy, but if you could sing, what would it be?”

Pause. Dieter is pretending to think dramatically with a finger tapping his lips.

D - “Blank Space.”

Y - “Good choice.” D - “Thank you. And what about you?”

Y - “Hmm. Depends on my mood.”

D - “Okay, what song would you sing based on your mood right this very second?”

Y - “Hmmm. You & I by One Direction.”

D - “You’re in a love song kind of mood?”

Y - “No. I just like One Direction.”

Dieter has a very large smirk on his face.

D - “Mhm. Everybody does.”

You have an equally large smirk on your face.

Y - “Bravo.”

D - “Yes?”

Y - “Stop looking at me like that.”

D - “Like what, baby?”

Y - “Like you’re gonna jump my bones.”

D - “And would that be a bad thing?”

Y - “I mean, there are cameras filming us, so probably.”

D - “Don’t wanna make a porno with me?”

You are shifting in your seat, with your hands wringing together on the desk.

Y - “Not particularly.”

D - “Are you sure about that?”

Y - “Yes, I am.”

D - “Okay, pretty girl.”

Y - “Okay.”

D - “Ask me another question.”

Y - “Okay.”

You shift around in your seat again and click your nails on the desk.

Y - “Give me a random fact about anything.”

D - “Hm.”

Dieter looks up as he thinks.

D - “Did you know there’s a room full of penises in the Vatican?”

You raise your eyebrows in question.

Y - “Excuse me?”

D - “The Vatican had a whole campaign in 1563 where they chopped off the penises of statues from the Romans and Greeks because they thought nudity was immoral. But! Because they thought the statues were so beautiful, they couldn’t get themselves to get rid of the penises so they stuffed the bronze and marble dicks in a bunch of vases and stuffed them in a room.”

Y - “Is that true?”

D - “That’s the rumor.”

Y - “Of course, the first fun fact you can think of is about penises.”

D - “It’s a fact about the destruction of art committed by the Catholic Church that also just happens to be about penises.”

Y - “I petition we stop talking about penises, Dieter.”

He holds his hands up like he’s being held at gunpoint.

D - “Whatever you want.”

Y - “That is what I want.”

D - “Am I allowed to ask you questions?”

Y - “Um, I guess. But I highly doubt it would make the cut, so it’d be kind of a waste of time.”

D - “Not to me. Not if I get to learn about you.”

You pause, obviously flustered.

Y - “Go ahead.”

D - “What’s your ideal first date?”

You glare at him.

D - “You said I could ask a question!”

Y - “I feel like it was implied that it shouldn’t be a question like that.”

D - “Okay, what kind of question did you want?”

Y - “I don’t know, like something about my life. You’re the one who wanted to ask me a question!”

D - “And how was my first question not about your life?”

Y - “Not about my love life!”

D - “Okay, okay. Umm, give me one reason you won’t date me.”

Y - “That’s about my love life.”

D - “Oh, do you consider me to be a part of your love life?”

This transcript writer is pretty sure that if looks could kill, Dieter would be dead by now.

Y - “I won’t date you because I don’t need drama in my life.”

D - “You interview celebrities for a living. You are surrounded by drama. Give me a real reason.”

Y - “Because I don’t want to.”

D - “Why not?”

Y - “Because I like you too much.”

D - “Huh.”

Y - “I don’t want you to disappoint me.”

D - “And how would I do that?”

Y - “By being an ass.”

D - “What if I promised not to be an ass?”

Y - “Are you even capable of that?”

D - “I could be, especially for you.”

Pause. You just stare at Dieter with a dopey smile on your face.

Y - “What’s the most normal, every-day, human thing that you’ve never done?”

D - *in a sing-songy voice* “Changing the subject…”

Y - *in a sing-songy voice* “Shut up and answer the question.”

Dieter takes a second to think before he gives you his answer.

D - “I’ve never done the dishes.”

Y - “What?!”

D - “Not once in my whole life.”

Y - “How?”

D - “I’m a nepobaby, pretty girl.”

Y - “I don’t know how that’s possible.”

D - “It’s very possible.”

Y - “Okay, well now I feel morally obligated to make you learn how to do the dishes.”

D - “You wanna teach me?”

Y - “I think I have to.”

D - “I have a proposal.”

Y - “Oh?”

D - “Let me make you dinner and then you can teach me how to do the dishes.”

Y - “Are you serious?”

D - “Extremely.”

There’s a long pause where Dieter grins at you while you stare at him with a small smile.

Y - “Okay.”

Dieter is gobsmacked.

D - “What?”

Y - “I said ‘okay’.”

D - “Wh- why?”

Y - “Well, someone has to make you do the dishes, Mr. Nepobaby.”

Dieter stares at you with a disbelieving smile.

D - “Okay.”

Y - “Okay.”

The interview ends with a photo of Dieter doing the dishes with a dramatic frown on his face in your tiny kitchen, pink plastic gloves on and an apron that says “Kiss My Ass” tied around his waist.

Comments:

bravocanhitthis literally what the fuck

bravocanhitthis my dreams have come true

daddyissuesoops her calling dieter a manwhore… real

dbscontroversiallyyounggf why am i blushing? i wasn’t even a part of this conversation

dietersvaticanpeens i don’t think we’re acknowledging dieter’s fun fact enough… like what do you mean there’s a room full of penis vases in the vatican?

alittletotheleftbravo she is a much stronger person than i am, i would’ve jumped across the table as soon as he suggested making a porno

moeswriting i have never rooted for a celebrity couple more in my whole life

rightytightyleftyloosey “because i like you too much” excuse me??? why aren’t more people talking about this???

bravodieter next time, pretty girl

↳ alittletotheright you wish, bravo ↳ dieterydoo get a room???

masterlist of all masterlists

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Simon doesn't really hate Baz (fighting and safety)

Just like Baz never truly hated Simon... (Simon starts to get it when he says something like "he hated me but didn't really hate me... didn't only hate me") Simon doesn't really hate Baz either. (It might seem obvious, but I have been surprised at the insane level of hostility some people seem to perceive Simon had for Baz – I never got that from CO, not even on that first casual read. The point is that it never got too far – the anathema scenes, including Simon reminding Baz for Baz's sake, being also proof of that– except very notably the tape recorder and vampire outing incidents, which were the result of them being dumbass teens who didn't think it was possible to truly hurt the other – both seeing some form of invincibility on the other... and this shit is key. Baz never pushing Simon harder than he could push back goes both ways – not literally for Simon, as he's aware he can't do much to Baz with punches, but you get the point.)

In the beginning, it’s more childish beef (what with them being literal children) and annoyance than true hate, and then he’s just reacting to what he perceives as Baz hating him (Simon has always been taking his cues from Baz). He's reacting to Baz “looking at him with disgust” – which he hates when he perceives it as actual hostility, but we know he’s actually into Baz being a little mean (once he knows he doesn’t truly hate him), and Baz fighting and being fierce.

In the same vein, Baz and Simon both match in being mean and rude because they want the other (but don’t/can't "have them") and they’re frankly socialized to be angry and antagonistic. They're lashing out because they're unhappy, because they want to reach the other and don't know how to do it outside of their assigned roles... because it's safe. It's safe to be angry with Simon, to lash out at him when he's feeling jealousy and heartbreak. Simon is invincible! He might as well be pushed and kicked in the knees, just a little bit. After all, Baz "can't hurt him."

And yeah, Simon goes "I'm gonna kill Baz so he isn't an option" – he's unsettled beyond his comprehension, and what else would he say? "I'm gonna kill Agatha?" the female friend he can easily hurt? He's not a demented creep – he's not going to lash out at her like that, even though he is angry with her, and he does lose his mind when he figures she is "serious" about Baz (and immediately regrets it... it's an accident, but it shows it’s not safe for Simon to have big emotions around people who aren't Baz! he can easily hurt Agatha!... which also tells you very obviously that he never loved her romantically nor experienced attraction for her. It wouldn't have been safe, and the point of their relationship was that it was, in many ways, safety... in no small part because he didn't feel). The things upsetting him about Agatha breaking up with him are numerous but have nothing to do with Agatha herself – it's Baz who he doesn't want to see with someone else, as his romantic jealousy is only about him (including making a jealous scene at Baz about holding hands with Agatha – not hearing him practically confessing he's a vampire because "did you have to hold her hands?" but just dismissing the whole subject with Agatha) (I always wonder "doesn't Simon literally think anybody but him about Agatha going after Baz" but I never check).

Lashing out at Baz like that, however, is safe, because for Simon, Baz, who is strong and capable and smart and ruthless, is also invincible, even if he doesn't think about it like that. And when he isn't, Simon is willingly walking into his traps not just to see what he's up to, but to make sure he's safe. I killed the chimera for you, he says (because I love you) (protection/taking care of Baz as a love language) (with or without realizing, Simon is saying "I was already in love with you in 5th year, when I killed that chimera for you"). Again, the idea of invincibility, of not believing it possible for the other to truly be hurt is key here. Anger is the one big emotion Simon is familiar with, and Baz is the one person who's safe to get emotional with... "I'll kill him," he says, because he is angry at both him and Agatha (because he’s jealous and wouldn't be able to handle Baz dating anyone, even worse if it's his close friend "liking Baz back" – that would sting far more than whatever "if dating the prettiest girl is a form of success, her choosing someone else is a form of failure" bullshit comphet brainwashing) but only Baz is truly safe to be really angry at. Baz can handle him at his worst. But this is the same guy throwing up at the idea of Baz being actually hurt – he can't handle it. Penny says "Baz" and "death" in the same sentence and Simon stops eating immediately. It's safe because Simon doesn't really mean it… Fighting is safe because neither thinks they can truly hurt the other (hence why verbal fights feel like shit in WS, and physical fights are not even a fucking possibility once they get together... once they get a taste of "we can have each other in the ways we actually want to" going back to their old combative ways just hurts) (see also how Simon's explosive anger is never directed at Baz anymore, but at who he perceives as safe targets, like "competition" that can also be seen as Evil) (Lamb, in case it's not clear) (trying to fucking kill him both as escalation of growing jealousy and protective instincts).

Few things are more telling than Simon jumping Baz, incapable of stopping his kisses when they should run, and going "it's so hot that I got to see you fight without picking a fight with you myself..." and that's part of it too. The big, hard-to-manage feelings Simon feels for Baz – romantic love and sexual attraction – being so hard to understand while trapped inside of a heteronormative mindset, and while just not being used to identify big feelings outside of sadness and anger... Baz got to him, he existed rent-free on his head 24/7, and he missed him terribly every time he had to go days, weeks, months without sleeping on the room as him... wouldn't it be easier to interpret attraction as anger when he's constantly picking fights with Baz to get his attention on him? Because he finds Baz hot and is especially hot when he sees him fight? And how would he understand he loves him when comphet is such a big thing shaping his life in that moment, when he resists processing and being inside of his head, when he seeks an easy “comfort” in being told what to do and how to live all the time by others?

It's easier to default to what he knows. But once he knows better (that he wants to love and take care of Baz, that he wants to make him happy), it's impossible to go back to that. Fighting is no longer safety, but torture. Once he understands what he feels for Baz (also tied to just... maturing, fighting as kids sure as hell isn't the same as fighting as grown adults) he can't direct his anger towards Baz like he used to, when he existed without thinking... because it is unthinkable. Note how Simon can't handle the thought of Baz being angry with him while they're not on good terms. Again, his reaction to Baz potentially being with someone else ("I'll let him go for his own good," says the guy who tries to kill the good-looking vampire who might or might not want to have his way with his boyfriend, who would rather spoil a mission with his presence because he's absolutely not risking his boyfriend possibly "flirting" with another guy) is completely different once he knows better. He shows anger and jealousy in front of Baz, but he does so like a regular person (as opposed to unhinged hero programmed to think like a boy soldier) (I mean the "showing his emotions in conversation part," not the stabbing part, and even then, again, that's not aimed at Baz. And that also says a lot: Simon is all "attack first, talk later," and yet with Baz, he's always all bark no bite during their “enemies” era)

[ryo-apologist]

Racer! Link

Racer! Link x Reader

CW: Smut, Minors DNI, I will block your ass, author knows nothing about racing and it shows

AN: Yes, this is about that Link. The one with the elf ears, says "Hyah!". Yeah I'm a Linked Universe Nerd. Sucks to be y'all. Keep ya guessing on which fandom has my balls this week.

~Darling XOXO

☾ So, I hesitated writing this for a number of reasons, but I decided I don't care. Hozier has a new song, April has me face down in the mattress with how hard it's fucked me and I just want to write about a Link near and and dear to my heart.

☾ Mario Kart Link.

☾ He's just a silly lil goober who's always having a good time. Especially when I play as him because what is second place? He'll never know.

☾ I know, canonically, both are Skyward Sword! Link and Breath of the Wild! Link. I do not care.

☾ Because come with me, sinner, as we explore a whole new world. A world where Mario Kart isn't a silly lil game. It's an empire.

☾ Like Fast and the Furious (I think, idk I never watched any of them). OR like sk8 the infinity at S. I do know that one.

☾ There are real things at stake here. It's intense, and it's heavy.

☾ Here, give me a break while I do some worldbuilding here. Mystery blocks are still a thing, they work by magic idk, except getting hit by one of those things is devastating. It's why the newcomers don't last long.

☾ All the main screen players (Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Inkling boy, etc.) are high level racers. They are A-listed and the ones you look out for if you see them in the lineup.

☾ Including Link himself. He drives a motorcycle he named Epona, which he built himself from scratch.

☾ I spent a lot of time (three minutes) trying to figure out a clever nickname for him, and then I saw some of the names other people gave their Linksona's and, while there's nothing wrong with them, I quickly realized I was overthinking things.

☾ It's mostly a stage name, his name is Link and outside of the raceway, he goes by it.

☾ But, for shits and giggles, and point of discerning him from the others, I don't care. Call him ratchet, greaser, racer, cypher, tank, axel, sparks. I'm giving you all the freedom! Me? Personally? I'm going to call him:

☾ Neo- a combining form meaning “new,” “recent,” “revived,” “modified,”

☾ Great I gave you some background, let's get into the fun parts.

☾ Neo, where do we begin with you.

☾ Have y'all read A Court of Mist and Fury? You know Rhysand?

☾ He's Cassian coded.

☾ LMAO You thought.

☾ He's a fun, kind-of guy but when shit gets real, he can shift from zero to a hundred like that.

☾ He'll be laughing with a newbie, patting them on the shoulder, but the second that visor comes down, he's unrecognizable. He's an A-lister for a reason.

☾ He's infamous for taking shortcuts that are insanely dangerous. He's almost always bandaged somewhere, but not his pretty boy, play bunny face.

☾ So Cassian and Lightning McQueen.

☾ He's totally the kind to shoot a wink and a flirty wave, spend the night and then be gone by morning. Or have them escorted out by his Zelda in the morning, Tony Stark style

☾ He's a slut.

☾ Can you tell I like my men slutty?

☾ And he's such a....character in bed.

☾ He's a selfish lover, but make no mistake about it. His partner gets their end. That's right. I said lover. He's fucked bowser.

☾ I'm kidding

☾ No I'm not.

☾ He doesn't care who's in his bed. Man, woman, the funky others who say FUCK YOU to the gender spectrum /pos

☾ He'll bottom, top, switch it up mid-way through. He just like me fr.

☾But he's not lazy. Selfish, yes, but lazy? No. He's the best rider both on and off Epona, yk yk.

☾ And he has such a pretty cock too. A pretty flushed pink, circumcised with such a lovely vein running up the bottom of it. And while pretty, sorry his balls aren't much to write home about.

☾ They are dangerously sensitive though. Suck on them and run your thumb along the head of his dick and he'll whimper.

☾ SPEAKING OF-

☾ He whimpers so nicely. God, when he's in the middle of bouncing up and down on you (artificial or organic both are good), and his own hands are running up his chest, plucking at his own pebbled nipples and playing with the piercings as his head is thrown back in pure bliss-

☾ He's probably sponsored by Monster Energy

☾ Has a sugar daddy FOR SURE. God wish I was HIM.