#this scene will probably not end up in the book fyi

[griseldabanks]

Sean gasped in pain as Father Mark gently began to wrap a bandage around his hand.

“I warned you not to get too close to the fire,” Father Mark said mildly. “Perhaps next time you'll heed my warning?”

Sean sniffled, watching his hand steadily being encased in white. “Wanned to see the fee-nicks,” he mumbled.

The chuckle that met his words was not an unkind one. “There wasn't a real phoenix in the fire, Sean.”

Frowning up at the priest sitting on a stool in front of him, Sean used his uninjured hand to wipe his nose. “But it's the Fee-Nicks Festival.”

“That's right,” Father Mark said patiently, “but the phoenix is a metaphor.”

“Metta-for?”

“Yes. Like a symbol.” Tying off the bandage, Father Mark gently held Sean's hand in both of his own weathered hands. “Sean, do you remember what the three days of the Phoenix Festival are?”

Sean immediately straightened up. It felt like they were in class, which was funny because he was sitting on the side of his little cot in the room he shared with Father Mark, rather than out in the sanctuary with all the other village children as Father Mark taught them. “Ember Day, Ash Day, Life Day,” he rattled off in the sing-song way they all used for reciting. “We set aside these days to commemberate the Eagle-Son's sacrifice for us in the flames. He has burned that we may not.”

“And so may it be,” Father Mark said solemnly. “Very good, Sean. And just as the Eagle-Son burned for a day and a night, so do we light a great bonfire in the middle of the village on Ember Day, to remember what he has done for us. And what is tomorrow, Sean?”

“Ash Day,” Sean said, flexing his bandaged fingers experimentally. They couldn't move much, and when he tried, they stung something fierce, so he quickly stopped.

“And what do we do on Ash Day?” Father Mark prompted.

With a sigh, Sean flopped down onto his back on the cot. “Nobody lights a fire and everybody pretends to be sad.” Ash Day was the most boring part of the festival. Sean didn't see why they couldn't just have Ember Day and then skip ahead to Life Day.

“Ash Day is a day of reflection and prayer,” Father Mark said, tugging the blankets out from under Sean and tucking him in. “The Eagle-Son's ashes settled to the ground and lay in silence for a day, and so we put out our fires and consider the evil that burns in our own hearts. For those were the flames that killed the Son of the Great Eagle.”

Sean shivered, pulling the blanket up to his nose. He'd just realized how chilly it was, in this back room of the stone chapel, without a fire crackling merrily on the hearth. He thought of the Eagle-Son, burned alive by wicked men. Just a quick brush of his fingers against the flames, and his own hand ached miserably. He couldn't even imagine how much more it would hurt to burn all over until you were dead.

“Sean, do you remember the script for this week?”

“'Out of the ashes, new life will spring; out of the flames, an eagle's wing.'”

“Yes, Sean.” Father Mark smiled down at him, smoothing messy brown hair out of Sean's eyes. “And that script speaks of Life Day. The day the Eagle-Son rose from the ashes like a phoenix and returned to life—eternal life that we all may share. That is why we celebrate the Phoenix Festival, to remember what the Great Eagle has done for us, and why we need not fear death.”

“I'm not 'fraid of dying,” Sean said, yawning hugely. Now that his hand wasn't hurting anymore, he wanted to hurry up and go to sleep so they could get through Ash Day faster. “'Cause once I die, I'll get to see Mother and Father in the heavens. And then we can all go flying together with the Great Eagle and the Eagle-Son.”

“Yes, I'm sure you will.” Father Mark's voice sounded sad for some reason.

But Sean was too tired to try to figure it out. He snuggled down farther under the blankets and dreamed of soaring through the clouds on huge wings as soft as the pillow under his head.

In the dream, his wings were black.

The Chesterton Challenge: Day 1

Welcome to Day 1 of the Chesterton Challenge! The beginning of a month full of creativity! I can't wait to head on this journey with all of you!

Today's Optional Prompt is: Tradition.

Chesterton was an advocate for tradition in secular and religious contexts, and May 1st is a day associated with all kinds of traditions, from May Day to St. Joseph the Worker to the opening day of writing and art challenges.

You can interpret the word any way you want. Will you write about a fantasy world's traditions? Write an essay about your favorite springtime tradition? Create artwork within a traditional art medium? The sky's the limit!

Whatever you create, make sure to show us or tell us about it by reblogging or replying to this post.

Now go forth and create!

[impala-dreamer]

Worn Out Leather

A Supernatural Story

~ It isn't easy, but you know when it's time to go.~

Dean Winchester x Reader

5,267 Words

Warnings: Super Relationship Angst. Sexual Scenes. Show-Level Action and Blood.

A/N: This stands for my "strained relationship" square for @jacklesversebingo Hope you enjoy! If you've ever had a breakup like this, you probably won't get through without tissues... just FYI.

JacklesBingo Masterlist

Impala-Dreamer’s Masterlist  ~  Patreon  ~ Published Works

Things hadn’t been right in a long time. 

There were vicious fights that erupted out of nowhere. Fists found their way into walls, biting words struck their targets, eyes glared like daggers. 

It hadn’t felt like love in a long time, but neither wanted to admit it. 

There were good times too. Late nights spent passing a bottle back and forth, roaming kisses that sent tingles down their spines, hands reaching for each other in the dark. 

Once upon a time, it had been love. Whether true or imagined, passion-fueled or written in the stars, it had been there. 

It had been something altogether different for each of them. 

Now, Y/N sat on the bed, propped up by a stack of dying pillows. Her legs were crossed and her fingers gently turned the pages of an old book she’d found in the library. Something about it had struck her fancy hours ago, but the pale, handwritten words inside were now blurs on the yellowed pages. Her attention was gone; her mind was somewhere else. 

She stared off into nothingness, lost in the void between her eyes and the edge of the bed. If she was calm enough, she could see flecks of dust dance like snowflakes in the light, cast down like disobedient angels from heaven, floating on the warm air coming from the vents above. 

She didn’t notice when he walked in and didn’t bother to tear her gaze away from the dust. 

He did what he always did before coming to bed. 

First, he tugged off his flannel and tossed it onto the desk chair. Then, he sat on the foot of the bed and lifted his right leg. With a dramatic flourish, he tugged the frayed shoelace end and whipped it into the air, undoing the knot. 

She watched as he worked- one boot, and then the other. The thick muscles of his shoulders tensed then relaxed, and long the line of his spine bent then straightened. She used to love watching his body move. Loved his broad shoulders, and trim hips. She loved to stare at the nape of his neck, the soft spot where his hair stopped and his freckles started. Loved to think about running her lips across the velvet of his skin and feeling the short hairs tickle her cheek. 

Now, she stared with ice shards in her gaze, wondering if he would even speak to her before going to sleep or if another night lingering in heavy silence was their fate. 

His voice all but startled her, knocking her thoughts far away. 

“You still mad at me?” he asked. His chin was turned towards her over his shoulder, but his heavy eyes refused to lift to meet hers. 

Y/N clenched her jaw. “Yeah.” 

Dean exhaled loudly in a huff that hid a thousand harsh words. “Awesome.” 

‘Was it awesome?’ she thought. Had it ever been? What were they fighting so hard to keep? 

She turned the page with such annoyance that the force of it nearly ripped the fragile paper. With similar angst, Dean ripped the blanket back on his side of the bed giving it a tug. Y/N sighed curtly and closed her book. She moved slowly while he waited, knowing that he couldn’t move again until she placed her book on the nightstand and got up off of the blanket. He bit down hard on his bottom lip and curled his fist into the blanket corner. 

Finally, she moved and he pulled the blanket down for both of them to crawl beneath. 

The mattress didn’t move as they slid into their respective places. The foam remembered them, how they used to curl into each other’s sides; how Dean would rest his head on her shoulder while he slept, or how Y/N would twist herself inwards and hide in his left side after they made love. It remembered everything that was gone, and adjusted without judgment to their new positions. Dean hugged his pillow and turned towards the right, almost teetering on the edge. Y/N lay flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling until her eyes burned and she succumbed to the depths of sleep. No foot passed the invisible barrier between them, no hand roamed to caress a sore back, no body shifted closer seeking warmth. 

The line had been drawn and neither dared to cross it. 

Dean punched his pillow and settled into it, desperate to find a bit of comfort in the synthetic down. 

“Night.” 

His voice was soft to her ear but the tone was like knives on slate. 

Her stomach tightened. 

“You don’t even want to talk about it?” she asked, already sure of the answer. 

Dean sighed. “Not really.” He shifted, bending his left knee and turning farther away. “Not if you’re just gonna yell at me.”

Tears burned in her chest. She could feel them coming but she fought to keep them down. “Oh, right.” She sucked her teeth hard. “Because that’s all I do. I yell and you do nothing.” 

“Here we go.” Dean groaned and tossed back the blanket, sitting up. He leaned against the headboard and scrubbed a hand down his face. “So?” He turned to look at her and Y/N pursed her lips, finally looking at his face. 

He looked so done, so tired. 

‘Do I look like that?’ She pulled in a deep breath, struggling to keep the anger and stave off the tears. “So what?” 

Dimples popped above his lip. He closed his eyes. “So talk.” He threw his hands up in surrender. “You wanna talk, so talk.” 

How strange that months ago, the same words would be used to comfort her, to coax out whatever was hurting her and help find a solution. How did love curdle so easily? 

She dug her nails into her palm. “No.”

“No?” Dean rolled his eyes. “Now you don’t want to talk?”

Y/N shook her head. 

“Fine.” 

Giving up, he sank back down and pulled the blanket up over his shoulder. 

“Goodnight.” 

It was so final, so firm, that Y/N started to shake. 

“You such an asshole, Dean,” she spat. “You don’t even care what you’re doing to me, do you?”

It wasn’t fair, she knew. He wasn’t doing anything to her that she wasn’t doing to him, but still, she couldn’t let it go. Couldn’t stop fighting. When the fighting stopped, they were really done. 

Without a word, Dean rolled out of bed and reached for his robe. He shrugged it on and huffed loudly as he tied the sash around his waist. 

Y/N watched with teary eyes as he turned away and headed to the door. 

“Where are you going?” 

His jaw twitched and green eyes narrowed on her face. “I don’t want to sleep next to someone who hates me.” 

The words landed on her chest like an anvil and her breath fell away as he slammed the door. 

“Dean…”

Something was broken. Inside him, maybe, but between them most definitely. 

Dean traveled the hall, his bare feet sticking slightly to the tiled floor. For a moment, he thought to go back for his slippers, but he knew that was more trouble than it was worth. She’d be curled up on the bed crying, he’d be resentful of her tears, they’d yell at each other and neither would get any sleep. 

Cas’ bedroom door was open so he snuck inside and flipped on the light. In the back of the desk was a pint of whiskey that he’d stashed a million reasons ago, and he hoped there was something left. 

His prayers were answered and Dean pressed his lips to the cold glass bottle, closing his eyes as he took a long drink. 

Maybe he should just man up and end it already. Why was he hanging on to something that was too broken to mend? 

I still need her, he thought. But why? What was the magic power she had over him? Sure they had fun together. She was a hell of a hunter. She was clever. She was quick-witted and sassy. She was beautiful. But the constant arguments and bloody knuckles were wearing away at his soul. He was exhausted. 

Dean sat on the foot of the bed and took another drink. The bottle was only half full and he knew it wouldn’t be enough to push the pain away. Wouldn’t stop him from trying though. 

Her footsteps had been silent but the door creaked loudly. She stood in the doorway with wet cheeks and hurt in her eyes. 

Dean looked up and felt that familiar tug in his chest. He reached out a hand and she came to him, slowly crossing the threshold and meeting his touch. 

When her hand slid into his, he knew why he wouldn’t leave. He needed her. Needed a warm touch after a long day, needed some comfort after forty years of scars and trauma. 

He turned his wrist and bent to kiss her hand. He lingered there: chapped lips on warm, soft skin. She didn’t pull away, didn’t make a sound. 

He couldn’t break away, couldn’t let her go. Not yet. Not ever. 

Y/N took in a shaky breath and lay her right hand on his head. Lightly, she ran her fingertips over his scalp and Dean sighed, melting into her touch. 

When he tugged her closer, she didn’t protest. When he laid back and brought her with him, she went willingly. 

They kissed like it was the last time: long and slow, drawing out every movement, every breath. Her back arched under his groping palm; he hissed against her ear as she tugged down his shorts. 

Y/N spread her legs for him and Dean dove down, kissing the length of her body, hitting every spot he knew she loved, every inch that he had memorized over their time together. 

He brought her up fast with his mouth and broke the dam with the crook of two thick fingers. 

She clawed at his back, held on tight to his strong arms. Rolling her hips against him, she begged with sad eyes and desperate moans. 

Lightning passed between them, igniting every pleasure receptor, sparking something akin to love deep inside, but it faded too quickly. 

They lay naked and panting on Castiel’s abandoned creaky bed, each one afraid to speak and shatter the moment. 

At least there’s one thing that’s still good.

Three months earlier, Y/N had mistaken a stranger’s intense flirting for everyday kindness, and watching the scene unfold had driven Dean into such a jealous rage that they screwed in the back of the Impala for over an hour while he tapped into kinks she’d only ever peeked at. He called her a slut and she scratched lines down his back. He slapped her cunt and she cried out in ecstasy. He bruised her wrists, and she damned near drew his blood. They reclaimed each other in the dark misty night behind that club in Denville.

Now, he sat on the opposite end of the bar, forehead held up by one hand as the other toyed with the rim of his whiskey glass. 

Y/N’s voice carried over the crappy music to his ear but he didn’t bother turning her way. She was saddled up next to a tall blond man with giant arms and a shirt so tight she could trace every cut in his chest and abs with her eyes. He was spending a fortune on top-shelf vodka that she drank down like water, edging ever closer as the minutes ticked by. Keeping one eye on Dean, Y/N laughed wildly at the man’s unfunny jokes, smiled coyly, and bit her lip to entice him. He was smitten but she couldn’t care less. She just wanted Dean to give a shit. To show a hint of that animal who’d torn her panties to shreds and sucked her nipples so hard that they hurt for the next two days. She wanted him to rush over and push the hipster douchebag away, rightly claim his property, and dare anyone around to say anything about it as he escorted Y/N to her waiting punishment. 

She wanted him to notice. 

She wanted him to want her. 

He kept his attention on the amber solace of his drink and ignored her fake laughter. 

As her suitor leaned to whisper a proposal in her ear, Dean tapped his fingers on the bar, ordering another drink. 

Her stomach turned at the man’s disgusting premise, but her heart ached for the man she used to know.  

Dean knew what game she was playing, but it didn’t cut him any less. He drowned his feelings in the cheap stuff, ordering another while she ran her hands down the stranger’s chest. He clenched his jaw so tightly that his back molars hurt when he released the tension. He was boiling inside but refused to give in. 

The bartender was a curvy young woman with creamy dark skin and tight curly hair that bounced with every step she took. Every time Dean called her over, she would smile enticingly and lean over on her elbows to give him a good shot of her cleavage. Rich brown eyes slid over his face with carnal interest and by the fifth whisky, Dean was drunk enough to give her the time of day. 

Y/N peered over her date’s shoulder and saw Dean reach for the bartender’s hand, lightly resting his fingers on her delicate wrist. Her stomach burned and when he looked over at her, she dramatically slid her hand down the stranger’s arm and tugged him away from the bar. 

Dean watched her leave, blond man in tow, her hips swaying in a display that made every dick in the place twitch. He cleared his throat, pushing away the hurt, and set his eyes back on the bartender’s crimson-painted lips. 

He was still awake and drinking when she tugged her key from the motel room door and slammed it shut behind her. 

Silhouetted in yellow lamplight, he looked like a villain waiting to attack. 

Just as he’d done in the bar, she ignored him and dropped her stuff on the table, nearly knocking over the bottle of bourbon. 

She shrugged out of her jacket and tossed it onto the floor by his feet. She knew how much he hated it when she left her things all over the room. It was unsanitary and annoying. Digging in deeper, she kicked off her shoes one at a time, shooting them in opposite directions. 

He drew in a heavy breath. 

“Have fun?” 

Y/N looked at him and wiped a finger at the corner of her mouth. “Sure did.” 

The gesture made his stomach churn and he nodded slowly. “Good for you.” He took a drink, emptied the cheap plastic cup, and reached for the bottle. “Good… for… you.”

Y/N swallowed an angry growl and turned away. 

Alcohol burned away his sense and Dean went on. “So glad you’re out there whoring yourself out to anyone who buys you a drink.” 

She spun on her heel. “Excuse me?”

His eyes cut into her. “You heard me.” He downed a shot and reached for another. 

“You’re drunk.” 

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “That don’t change the fact that you just swallowed some other dude’s load.”

“Fuck you.” Her heart was racing, her muscles twitching for a bout.  

He laughed bitterly. “No thanks. I don’t need your sloppy seconds.” 

Y/N seethed. Her eyes narrowed. She took a step closer. “And what about you? I saw you drooling over that young thing behind the bar. Was she all you dreamed of? Did she squirm under you, Old Man? Did she scream your name?” 

Dean slammed the cup down. The thin plastic buckled beneath his fist and tore. Whiskey puddled on the table but he didn’t care. “I didn’t touch her,” he said, voice hard and righteous. 

“Sure you didn’t,” she laughed. “Probably wouldn’t let your drunk ass near her.” 

She turned and he sprung to his feet, knocking back the chair as he went. The wood crashed to the floor, thumping on the worn green carpet. He grabbed her arm as she spun away and Y/N gasped loudly when his fingers dug into her flesh. 

“Get off me!” 

He grimaced but held tighter. “The fuck is wrong with you? You go off and fuck some guy and then come back here like we’re all good and you can just crawl into bed with me? Who the fuck do you think you are!”

The anger in his voice shot through her and Y/N shuddered. Biting back tears, she wrenched her arm away and stared up at him defiantly. 

“You think you know everything, don’t you, Dean?” Somehow, she kept her voice calm and even. “You think you’re some fucking superhero and everything has to go a certain way for you. You’re the chosen one and the world has to bend to your whim. But I’ll tell you what you really are. You’re an oblivious, selfish asshole and you crush everything and everyone around you to dust. And one day, you’re gonna be left alone on this planet surrounded by nothing but the carnage you left behind and your own goddamned tears.” 

Dean balked. His spine straightened and his eyes went wide. He took a step backward.

She’d gone too far, she knew, but it felt good to hurt him just a little bit more than he hurt her. 

He blinked quickly to clear his vision and shove the waterworks back inside. He dropped his fists and ran his fingers across the hem of his flannel just to have something to do, some way to ground himself. 

Shit.

Y/N softened, hating herself. “Dean, I’m-” 

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “No. Don’t.” 

A tear escaped and slid down his left cheek. 

Fuck. 

Y/N watched it fall, wondering how he could leave it there, how the feeling of sadness trickling down his face didn’t annoy him into taking care of himself. 

“I didn’t mean that-” 

He chewed his bottom lip and she reached out, swiping the wetness away with her thumb before he could pull back. 

“I don’t know why I said that, I just-” 

He didn’t answer and it burned her more than if he’d yelled back. She pulled her hand back and held his tear in her fist. 

Once upon a time she would have hugged him close, cradled his head, and let him cry into her shoulder. She would have soothed his pain, been a tourniquet for his soul, but now she was the blade. 

Silence hung between them and Dean gathered himself up. 

“I didn’t fuck her,” he whispered, cementing his earlier confession. 

Y/N sighed and her shoulders fell. “Neither did I.” 

Dean’s gaze fell to the ugly carpet and he took her hand in his. “I need some sleep.” 

She squeezed his hand and nodded. “Yeah,” she sighed. “Me too.” 

There are many reasons a simple case can turn sour and become a clusterfuck of epic proportions. A lack of credible witnesses or an uncooperative police force could slow things down. The lore might be wrong, the map may have changed, and the moon might shift phases in the midst of the investigation. There were a million things that could go wrong and the worst of them seemed to align in Pittsburgh. 

The city was too big to sneak around in. The streets were packed with tourists converging downtown and stammering through the summer heat. Police Chief Warren had been overly dismissive of any reports of an odd nature and therefore threw out over a dozen eye-witness accounts, making things incredibly annoying and difficult when occult dealings started becoming more obvious. 

The pair of recently arrived feuding faux F.B.I. agents was icing on the shitty cake. Partners Dunne and Jones worked the case, rushing through the gorgeous city and beyond, hunting a murderous crew that was dropping bodies up and down the Allegheny River. 

Beyond case details, they barely spoke. If it didn’t need to be said, it wasn’t. If it had anything to do with their personal life, it was ignored. 

Dean slept on the sofa. 

Y/N stayed up most of the night staring at him. 

She couldn’t tell through the dark that he was staring back. 

They used to be a great team. She was fearless and he was protective. He didn’t know when to shut up, and she cleaned up his verbal spillage. They communicated with winks and nods; blinks spoke volumes. They were always in sync, always had each other’s back, and when things went to hell, they were there to patch each other up without judgment or placations. 

Now the rhythm was gone. He went left and she took three steps back. She forged on, he was already back at the car. 

It wasn’t easy, but the job needed to be done. 

By two in the morning, they had tracked a trio of shape-shifting maniacs to a rundown townhouse on the edge of the city. Without mapping out a plan, Dean kicked down the door and Y/N rushed inside. 

Bullets flew. 

Fists collided; bones cracked. 

Blood flowed from shallow gashes as the last shifter standing morphed into a tiger and slashed at Y/N’s shoulder. She screamed, tumbling down and rolling onto her back on the dusty floor. Dean heard her yell and raced to the scene, instantly taking aim. 

From the floor, Y/N cocked her knees and steadied herself. She dug her heels into the floor and closed one eye, ready to fire. 

As her finger hovered over the trigger, a shot rang out and the tiger fell. Blood sprayed across her face and she scrambled back as the animal collapsed at her feet. 

“Damnit, Dean! That was my shot!” 

Stashing his pistol, Dean shook his head. “Yeah, whatever. You’re welcome.” He leaned over and extended a helping hand, but Y/N shoved it away, refusing. 

“I got it.” 

“Let me help you,” he snapped. 

Despite the pain in her shoulder, Y/N pushed herself up and spat a mouthful of blood at his feet. “I said, I got it.” 

Annoyed, he threw his hands up and turned away. He jabbed at the corpse with a boot and sighed. “What the fuck are we supposed to do with this?” 

Y/N looked down at the monster and shrugged. “I don’t know. Pretty sure the zoo’s closed at this hour.” 

There was no way they could burn the bodies in town, so they piled them into the trunk and took off into the open pastures of Pennsylvania. 

Silence hung thicker than the stench of death and Y/N sat with her head nearly out of the window. Anytime she went to speak, Dean turned up the radio. One notch on the dial for every word she didn’t say. 

The blaze burned high and the tension between them matched its intensity. 

Dean refused to look at her. 

Y/N pretended it didn’t break her heart. 

When the embers cooled to ash and the sun began to rise, Y/N kicked some dirt onto what was left and watched the last wisps of smoke dissipate. 

“Shall we?” 

Dean nodded without a word and fished the car keys from his pocket. The metal glinted in the virgin light and Y/N stared into the shine, praying that he’d say something, anything. 

God wasn’t listening. 

Dean drove the back highways like they were running from a nuclear attack. They headed west, away from the sunshine and into the boundless landscape of muted colors that transversed the country. 

Y/N was balled up against the door, as far away as she could possibly get. She closed her eyes to the whipping wind and longed for an answer. 

Dean watched her sighing into the breeze. There was a time when he was captivated by the small things like this. The way the wind lifted her hair and a gust stole her breath. The way her eyelashes graced the tops her her cheeks; the hint of a smile upon her lips. Now all he saw was another fight, a dense script of harsh words that neither could take back. 

He took the next exit. 

She sat up when the scenery changed and the long stretch of highway became a bumpy country road. 

Without turning her head, she looked at him from the corner of her eye. She used to love to watch him drive. Loved how his thick fingers curled around the wheel, calloused hands on worn-out leather. Loved how his bowed legs fell to either side and he kept his left hand draped on his thigh. So comfortable behind the wheel, it was like the Impala was made for him. As if the metal was forged with him in mind. She used to love to watch him drive, to cuddle up at his side, drop her head to his shoulder, and relax as the miles flew by. 

It was different now. 

It was strained. 

The magic was gone. 

“What happened to us, Dean?” she asked, voice crackling over the drone from the speakers.    

Hendrix played on and Dean shrugged. “Uh, we got our asses handed to us by a couple of shifters.” 

She snapped the radio off and turned in her seat, denim sliding over leather as she tried to face him. “That’s not what I mean.” 

“I know what you mean.” He leaned his elbow on the door and rubbed his forehead. 

“So,” she took a steadying breath, already feeling the tears brew again. “So what happened?” 

He bit his bottom lip and shook his head, too afraid to look at her lest he break down. This was it. 

“I don't know.”

Y/N looked away and let her eyes burn as the tears gathered. If she blinked, they’d fall. If she took a breath, she’d break. She stared at the road, at the faded white line and blue attraction signs, wishing she could go back in time, do it all over again, do it better.

Dean cleared his throat and pushed on. They were about a day from home and he longed for the safety of the bunker. He wanted to see Sam and have a beer. He wanted to call Jody and ask her how to fix this mess. He wanted to crash on his own goddamned pillow and pull on his giant headphones and listen to some fucking records before he lost what was left of his mind. 

Y/N was a million miles away and he had no idea how to reach her, how to fix what was broken between them. He still didn’t know which misstep had cracked the ice, but it was quickly shattering beneath his feet. 

He snuck a look across the bench seat, wondering if she knew the answer. 

She met his eye and something snapped inside her. 

“Pull over,” she whispered.  

His heart ached. “Are you OK?” 

“No.” She sighed and looked away. “Pull over.” 

She was done. All the nights lived in silence, all the chances he had to fight for them- it was too much. She was done. 

Dean pulled off onto the shoulder and hit the hazards. He twisted towards her with concern in his gaze and a plea on his tongue. 

She hesitated, hand hovering over the door handle, but when she gave him the chance, when she looked him in the eye, begging him to speak, there was only silence.

The door creaked open and her shoes hit the dirt. She grabbed her backpack from the backseat and slammed both doors shut. 

Confused and broken, Dean watched her set off. He knew he needed to follow her, but his body fought him. His legs were like lead, his arms were numb. 

She wouldn’t look back. She knew he wasn’t following her. The bag was heavy but she shifted it on her shoulders and took a deep breath. 

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t look back. 

He called her name and she stopped walking.

Boots hurried behind her. 

“Y/N-” 

She shook her head but he didn’t give up. 

“Where are you going? Come on-” 

She sighed heavily and hung her head. “I’m done, Dean.”  

“Done?” 

A laugh bubbled up and she turned. “Don’t act surprised, Winchester.” 

He licked his lips and shifted on his feet. “Look, I know things suck right now but-” 

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s not just now. We- we haven’t been right in a long time. You know we haven’t.” 

His stomach burned. “So that means you just walk away? You give up on us?” 

Anger swirled. “This is not me just walking away. This is me climbing over the hundred million little reasons we don’t work and leaving. It’s for the best.”

“It’s not. No part of this is for the best.” 

It almost broke her heart all over again. Almost. 

“Come on, Dean. You’re sick of me. I’m nothing but a bitch to you lately, and you’re… half the time you’re mentally checked out. We can’t stand each other.” 

He clenched his fists, his jaw, his resolve. “That’s not true!” 

“It is. You know it is.” 

“You can’t-” He swallowed hard. “You can’t leave.” 

“I have to. It’s the right thing to do. There’s nothing else here and it’s all just a distraction. One of us is gonna get killed. Or worse.” 

Heels spun in the dirt but Dean grabbed her arm. She looked down at it in shock and he retreated instantly. 

“Please, Y/N. You can’t end this.” 

If she’d ever seen him so hurt, so utterly heartbroken, she couldn’t remember. There was a darkness in his eyes that tugged at her soul. 

“One of us has to.” 

He closed his eyes and a tear trekked down his face. 

Fuck.

“Please…” 

She shivered. Her body was revolting against her plans, but her mind was set. 

“I’m leaving, Dean. Unless you’ve got a good fucking reason for me to stay.” 

His lip trembled. He searched for something to give her but there was nothing left. 

“Just one…”

His eyes closed again and Y/N’s shoulders shook. She couldn’t stop herself from crying, but she could keep herself from caving. 

“See- if you loved me at all, you could give me a reason. That would be enough.” She smiled sadly. “But you can’t say it. Because you don’t.” 

He held her gaze, sadder than she’d ever seen him. 

His voice cracked. “I do love you, but-”

Another laugh. Another pebble on the mountain. “You see? There shouldn't be a but. Love is love, Dean. Either you love me or you don’t.”

“It's not like that for me,” he said, barely breathing. “For us. This life, it-”

She cut him off with a hard shake of her head. “Do not blame the life.” She took a step closer and pressed her toes against his. “It's you and me right now. Either you love me or you don't.”

Kiss her. Grab her. Make her stay. You need her. 

Dean couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. 

The longer he stayed silent, the more sure she was. 

Midday peaked above their heads and their tears dampened the gravel below. 

Y/N placed her hand against his left cheek and pushed up on her toes to kiss the right. He closed his eyes and wrapped his hand loosely around her wrist. 

“Please…” 

She was all out of reasons. 

2024 Forever Tags (Always Open! Send an Ask!)@alwaystiredandconfused @babysimpala @beardburnsupersoldiers @chenshemesh1 @cosicas-cuquis @deans-baby-momma @deanwinchesterswitch @feelmyroarrrr @foxyjwls007 @hobby27 @impalaspixie @jackles010378 @kazsrm67 @k-slla @leigh70 @lunaroserites @lyarr24 @nancymcl @nix-rose @peachy-vans @pizzagirlxnsfwx @rachiem4-blog @rosecentury @sexyvixen7 @suckitands33 @the-wounded-healer05   

[dominustempori]

SPOILER ALERT FOR THE GHOSTBUSTERS: FROZEN EMPIRE TRAILER!! (long post, fyi)

Alright Ghostheads, I'm writing all this down now, so I won't forget all these thoughts and observations I'm having JUST a few hours after this awesome teaser for the "Afterlife sequel" has dropped.

I'm sure I'm missing some bits here, so comments are duly welcome, just don't go all negative energy on me =)

Definitely felt a similar vibe to when the first trailer for "Afterlife" came out like 2 years ago now. Normal summer day, good background music, then...sh*t happens. Even worse than that burst of PK energy from the mine shaft. And yeah, I saw bits of "Day After Tomorrow," I'd be lying if I didn't get JUST a little hint of that, but only because, you know, massive storm system overwhelming the south shore of Manhattan. But anyway.

2. I SWEAR that one building shot from the side is 55 Central Park West, aka Spook Central. Probably not significant plot wise this time, just a nod to the original movie. And considering I toured some of the filming sites on my trip to NYC this past summer, SURE looks like it!

3. Deadly icicles ripping up the streets? Like the earthquake tearing up the asphalt in the original movie only BETTER!

4. The discourse is already happening about details...I know some people like Ecto 1-A from GB2, and some fans are still angry about "they ignored it in Afterlife! It's so canon! WTF Jason Reitman?" Yeah...missing the point? [They're not DELIBERATELY ignoring GB2! I LIKED GB2! A lot! Not perfect but still I LIKE IT! Probably a lot more than other fans! The film only had so much time to focus on the past to keep the story moving, so only put in so much of the lore to help a new audience along. That's my theory I'm sticking to it.]

ANYWAY...yes the car IS the original Ecto 1, NOT the 1-A (which was WAY too busy for its own good, just sayin'). I saw the plate on a freeze frame, it's Ecto 1, the original.

5. Enter the exposition cut scenes. or whatever you want to call them. Swear to God that Patton Oswalt, Kumail Nanjiani, Dan, McKenna, and Logan are NOT at Ray's Occult Books...I mean come on look at those glass cases! It's GOTTA be the NY Public Library (throwback!) Patton's character is most likely a staff member, probably a librarian (related to Alice? God I hope so!) [GBs do their research yo! If that's one thing I love about the IDW comics, is how Ray and Egon and Kylie RESEARCH.]

That one bit with the frozen dude with the eyepatch? Looks like a flashback. Like, maybe Manhattan in the...late 1800s? Recurring hauntings is def a thing in the GB universe. Another secret society? Which, yeah, they did to death (sorry) with the Gozer thing, especially in the video game.

6. Liking all the concerned closeups. Paul Rudd still looking good, and I REALLY hope Carrie Coon as Callie has full on dropped the baggage about not having her Dad in her life. Well, mostly. Turned me off from her QUITE a bit in Afterlife, but that's just me. Finn's hair lookin' good short, love how McKenna still rocks the OshKosh look, and Logan with the retro vibe.

7. James Acaster HAS TO BE an adult Oscar. I WILL fight people on this =) Not Louis' kid, not Janine's... (well, maybe?) Peter and Dana are OFFICIALLY still a couple, what's to stop Peter from adopting the boy he saved in GB2? Or at least, maybe they have their own kid later on...? Damn I hope he's Oscar. I mean come on, this is still "Ghostbusters: the Next Generation" in my mind.

8. HAUNTED LION STATUE!!! (Yeah, that's right from Real Ghostbusters...kinda) It's the Library! And on another freeze frame...it's going after Ray (GASP!) That little elevator? Maybe they're going to...Special Collections? Remember the video game? Maybe? Squee?

9. DUDE, it's attacking GBHQ! Blew the freakin' doors off! It's gonna...NO NOT LUCKY! Dude she (they?) is getting the short end of the stick again...first she gets possessed by Zuul and now...please don't kill off Lucky, Gil! Also OGBs FTW!!! yeah Winston! bad ass mf as always! And man does Pete look proper scared. Go Bill Murray!

10. I'm presuming that the big bad/entity was originally trapped and stored in the ECU, hence the blinking red light in the post credits scene from Afterlife. And it's whatever's pushing out the cinder blocks this time around...and freezing Lucky in the basement of HQ? And it's the...thing pushing its demon horns in...(so far others are calling it a minotaur - totally NOT. this guy is so reaching, i mean an old obscure RGB comic reference from a wiki page? dude, just...no. a cross between a White Walker and Slenderman? yeah THOSE I get. I'm personally thinking some ancient demon from a summoning gone wrong...or maybe right in this case.) any case, DUDE with those icy blue staring eyes and 20 feet tall...f*ck yeah.

11. Also F*CK yeah Paul and Carrie in the jumpsuits! YES!!!

12. Alright, I can sort of buy a hidden room in Kumail's character's (presumably?) apartment, secret door at the back of a kitchen pantry with some pretty lead/silver tiling...but, what's with the horn? (SUMMONING HORN! Read the Bartimaeus Trilogy people!) and the shackles? the bells? well, yeah noise to drive away evil spirits...or not? again... SECRET SOCIETY! Or maybe Lucky and Trevor have their own place now? Nah, maybe not...wait and see I guess.

13. Dude...Paul Rudd is TALL, boy! Would like to see if they've actually gone and married...or, too soon? Nah, romantic/life partners is good.

14. I WANT THAT RED WINTER JACKET WITH THE PATCH! SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

15. Also, Paul's reaction...SO my own after watching this. He is still fanboy-ing out and I LOVE IT.

Holy hell that was a long post. First genuine reactions on the day. Online journaling. All good.

OK peeps, let me have it. What are y'all thinking?

Until March 29!

[thedoover-if]

Hey author! Since it was my birthday today, I wanted to send this ask in!

How would they ROs plan MC's birthday? How did the ex do it when they were still together? And How will they do it now?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!🥳🥳 wishing you an AWESOME day!!!!

your wish is my command haha but ill put it under the cut cause i got a little carried away LOL

for the ex spouse it would definitely depend on what kind of person the MC is, so if your MC was a lowkey person who didnt like that whole party shebang then they wouldve organised a small get together with their parents, your parents and the MCs closest friends. but if your MC was outgoing and extroverted, they would have probably planned a surprise party!! its really just about the MCs comfort level since theyve known you for so long

now is a whole different story. i think now they wouldnt plan a party or anything, theyd just drop by with a small gift they picked out way too early (multiple months ago) with a little note and just place it in front of the door. i dont think they would risk ruining the MCs birthday in case the MC didnt want them there so that would probably be the easiest solution

this would be the first time the bartender will have actually spent MCs birthday with them cause usually theyd have to work so would only see them for very short!! but when theyre dating theyd book time off and then once theres only a couple hours left before the MCs birthday, they would toss a helmet at the MC and just say something like "c'mon i wanna show you something" (they wont give much away LOL). then theyd take the MC to a secluded place they usually retreat to clear their head, and there would be a picnic already set up. and then when theres only one minute left till midnight, theyd count down from 10 with a cupcake and one single candle between them and at one theyd wish the MC a happy birthday and tell them to make a wish haha. then if the MC would like theyd stay out there for a few more hours

fyi the bartender wanted to do something like this because they didnt want to rob the MC of any moments they could have with their friends, family etc

if the MC has a party later on in the day the bartender would probably show for a bit but they wouldnt stay long just cause it isnt their scene. but if the MC has a family dinner or something like that theyd be so stressed out haha but theyd still attend if the MC invited them and yeah you might need to elbow them a couple of times to get them to actually talk LOL

the patient loves to organise special events so the first time they plan a birthday the MCs birthday itll be both LOL cause they wouldnt be 100% sure so theyd just have a small gathering in the afternoon and then a big party in the evening. theyd invite every person from the MCs contacts, and let them know and then by the end of the day theyd ask the MC which one they liked better. and then theyd use the information to make their next birthdays one to remember haha so yeah they first one might be a little experimental but theyll make sure to make the next as great as they can with loads of pictures to remember it by!!

[whypolar]

Gundam Unicorn OVA 4: At the Bottom of the Gravity Well

I thought the last one was the prettiest, and they might have one-upped themselves again. The shot composition alone...!

...This is a really weird one to talk about. Probably my most opinionated post so far, and even longer than the last one. This monster is over 15k words, I'm so sorry.

The sixth Unicorn novel is an extremely frustrating experience for me. It's my least favourite of the books by a wide margin, and it comes at you very suddenly after the first five, which I think are generally interesting and a lot of fun.

OVA 4 covers the plot of the sixth novel. It removed everything I disliked about the book, and replaced it all with something much better.

...And then it found entirely new ways to annoy me, by removing or otherwise fucking around with several novel scenes that were already good. Yes, it's Riddhe again.

I'm genuinely kind of baffled.

Still, overall it was a far more enjoyable experience than its novel equivalent. I'm going to talk about novel stuff right away this time, because it's kind of unavoidable. The OVA is very different, right from the first scene.

(Previous posts: Day of the Unicorn, The Second Coming of Char, The Ghost of Laplace)

FYI: I'm saving detailed discussion of any particularly disturbing or otherwise sensitive novel-only content for the end, in the last two sections. There will be content warnings listed under the headings for those sections.

Major structural changes: Dakar and Torrington

This is a huge change, right out of the gate. The attack on Dakar is where the main conflict of the novel takes place, but here it's already ending in the very first scene! For a while I wondered if they were going to return and attack it again, but it quickly became clear that wasn't the case.

Syam and Gael make an appearance. They don't tell us anything new, I don't think-- and we've seen that colony drop flashback before too, haven't we? I could be wrong. Regardless, I think they're mostly just making sure the audience doesn't forget Syam and Gael exist while everything else is going on. Probably a good idea.

We know a lot more about Syam's deal right from the get-go in the books, because it's literally prologue. I feel like significantly less has been explained here about his history and the history of the Vist Foundation-- but it's admittedly hard for me to keep straight what we've been told in previous OVAs vs. any gaps I may be filling in with prior knowledge.

I do wonder how they're going to handle him going forward. Are they going to infodump a bunch of relevant history and character motivation further on? Are they just going to refuse to elaborate on certain things?

Because they've been skipping over smaller character details about Syam that we learn through Cardeas, Martha, and Gael, he seems to be presented as a lot more... straightforwardly benevolent, at least on the surface. Almost ethereal, even. I think novel Syam has more of an edge, even if he's supposedly feeling repentant now that he's a sad old man.

Oh, and Gael. Gael was shot by Alberto on the Argama during the Palau battle, in the fifth novel. Maybe something equivalent to that is coming in the next OVA, on the Ra Cailum instead? They could also just skip it, since he survives and appears after that anyway.

This Zee Zulu was not present for the novel scene I'm about to discuss, but consider this: I like aquatic mobile suits.

The novel opens like this, with the Shamblo destroying a submarine. The context is different than the anime equivalent, since Dakar hasn't happened yet and there are no other mobile suits present. Nobody in the Federation is aware the Shamblo even exists yet.

The submarine in the novel was searching for the Garancieres, since it was believed based on the trajectory that it would have landed in the ocean (as opposed to the desert, where it actually ended up). One of the sonar operators picks up some strange noise, but it doesn't fit the profile of what they're looking for, so his superior tells him to ignore it. This was a mistake. The Shamblo-- also searching for the Garancieres-- tears their hull apart, killing everyone on board.

Instead of Dakar, the main conflict in OVA 4 takes place in and around Torrington Base-- a location from the seventh novel. They've essentially moved Loni's arc forward, and combined it with another battle.

I originally assumed this might have been a censorship concern, but a whole bunch of civilian casualties still happen, so... seems more about wanting to get to Torrington faster. I was very surprised when they didn't censor the woman with the baby on the fire escape. I remember reading the novel equivalent and thinking "oh, they're cutting that for sure". Shows what I know.

The novel version of Torrington doesn't have any civilian infrastructure around to damage. It's an extremely remote and backwater location.

Even with the addition of a nearby city, putting the coordinates in Torrington is significantly less callous on Cardeas' part than having them in Dakar. Programming the La+ program so they have to activate the NT-D in the middle of the Federation capital is stupid as shit, assuming your goal isn't to kill a bunch of random noncombatants. Novel Banagher's explanation for why he might have done it is so generous that it just kinda makes me sad.

I'm sorry Banagher, I know you're still traumatized because he exploded, but your dad doesn't give a shit about other people. He prioritizes poetic imagery in his treasure hunt over the lives of human beings. He zapped your brain as a child to check whether you could pilot the robot good. He sucks, Banagher.

The Parliament building as a location does give a much more direct clue to the nature of the Box-- the Federation charter is on the ground floor, and we're told through character dialogue that it's a replica of the original that was destroyed at Laplace.

This montage of all the scattered Zeon forces on Earth mobilizing might be my favourite sequence in the film. This is another situation where I wish I could include images for all of it. Don't even get me started on the music in this part. God, it's so sick. Cool fucking robot. (Image of a child holding a rifle flying over my head)

Yonem Kirks was originally a character from novel 7. He had nothing to do with Loni, as she was already dead when he was introduced. He was actually the leader of the group of Zeon remnants who picked up the transmission requesting assistance for the attack on Torrington. He would have been in the place of that nameless beardy guy up there, whose face we never fully get to see. He is eventually killed by Marida in the Banshee.

OVA 4 recasts Kirks as a surrogate father figure for Loni. In the novel, Loni's father is still alive, and he's also one of the main reasons that book six is my least favourite. You'll see.

Loni takes over her father’s original role as a character, but with everything I hated about him stripped out. I think that rules. I initially thought they were going to put Kirks in his role, but what they went with was definitely more interesting.

I'll talk more about Loni at the end of this post, since she's the core of the whole arc. She's a substantially different character in each version. I will also explain exactly what her dad's deal is in the book, and why I do not like it.

Let me get this out of my system first.

The Character Assassination of Riddhe Marcenas

Imagine: an interesting character is rewritten so that everything you liked is either downplayed or removed, and then your least favourite aspect of their personality or story is inflated to become their most important character trait. This is what experiencing anime Riddhe is like for me.

I feel like I'm being pranked. Literally, the degree to which they are systematically removing all his most interesting and sympathetic qualities is starting to feel like a running gag. It's not just things being cut for time, either; they've changed dialogue and body language in ways that can only be deliberate. Someone clearly decided that changing Riddhe's personality was necessary, and I can't figure out why.

I got mad enough about this to make a diagram. I didn't even realize just how much I apparently liked this guy until they took him away.

Riddhe becoming increasingly closed off, obsessive, and myopic is a significant degeneration, and it happens over a fairly long stretch of plot. It's interesting because we're given time to get used to this guy as a positive force before watching him spiral, and he's clearly still trying to be good even as he self-destructs. That's how it feels for the characters, and that's ideally how it should feel for the audience.

If he's just kind of a self-absorbed dickhead from the start, what's the point? Where's the juice? Where's the drama? Why should we care, on an emotional level, whether or not it's still possible to pull him back from the cliff?

Look, I admit that I was less cartoonishly mad about this on the second watch. I can imagine a more charitable reading of this character than my bitter little hater response. I'm sure the anime version works fine for people who haven't read the novels, or who have but don't care about the original character, or at least don't find the new version as deeply unlikable as I do. But it makes me so crazy.

I'm going to go through his scenes, so you can see exactly what I mean.

Riddhe & Ronan

Riddhe's first scene in the OVA is his conversation with Ronan. This is a scene from the fifth novel-- if you read my post on OVA 3, you may remember my surprise that there was so little of Riddhe and Mineva doing stuff on Earth. Clearly, some of it was pushed foward to be in this one instead. Sure. Fine.

In the novel version of this scene, Riddhe is waiting alone in his father's office. Two other people come by to speak to him before Ronan arrives. I'm fine with these conversations getting cut for time, but I do think they're interesting, so I'm going to go over them.

First is the Butler, Doillon-- the novel's fan translation spells it Dwiyon. Doillon is described as a father figure to Riddhe, and clearly one he feels more positively about than Ronan. Doillon tells Riddhe that he missed him, and asks him not to leave again. He says that he's old and will likely die soon, and he's worried about the family-- Ronan is also getting older, and his health is declining (heart issues).

We also meet Riddhe's older sister, Cynthia, who either doesn't exist in the OVA or is off doing vivacious socialite things elsewhere. She also tries to convince Riddhe to come home. She asks him about Audrey, tells him she's cute, and insists they both come to a party she's hosting later.

There's some discussion of Riddhe's mother, both in narration and dialogue. We're reminded that she's ill (unspecified) and living in a nursing home. It's implied that she might have had some kind of nervous breakdown because of "the political world," but it's unclear whether that means she was a politician herself, or if it was more about her involvement with Ronan.

At this point Ronan comes in, and everyone else gets shooed out.

OVA Riddhe's demeanour around Ronan is... curious? Maybe nervous, and a little dismissive, but trying to act respectful. He's very goofy, rubbernecking and trying eavesdrop on Ronan's phone call. It would be cute, if he didn't piss me off so badly within the next five minutes. Ronan, meanwhile, feels very distant, keeping his back turned away for much of the scene.

The novel relationship is extremely tense and hostile, and a lot of that energy comes from Riddhe. He has to deliberately restrain himself from being aggressive and getting angry during this scene, because he's aware he needs his father's authority if he's going to keep Mineva safe.

Riddhe hates being in his family's house. He does not like his father, and is constantly on edge when he's around. In many scenes, he deliberately avoids even looking at him. When we're told that Riddhe "ran away", the connotations of that are very different from in the OVA, where it sounds like he just left on a fanciful whim.

So the familial relationship is different. Fine. I think it's less interesting, but I can live with it.

Here's where I start getting mad:

Ronan accusing Riddhe of being in love with Mineva and suggesting that this is the reason he brought her to Earth is an anime-only addition.

Obviously, a character in a story believing something doesn't make it an objective fact. The framing, however, implies that Ronan is correct: Riddhe has a dramatic startle reaction, they've failed to establish any other strong motivation, and immediately after this scene he goes and proposes to her.

The scene where Riddhe talks to Mineva is a combination of two different scenes from the novel-- first the hug on the balcony, and later the proposal. The original two scenes have completely different (and incompatible) tones, and they're separated by a good amount of time, as well. There's also another scene between them, with Riddhe riding his horse, so I'll talk a little about that too.

The way these scenes have been combined not only fully re-centres Riddhe's character around being in love with Mineva, but it also makes him way more invasive and pushy. I fucking hate this guy. He sucks! Where's my boy!!!!

The Balcony Scene

The balcony scene takes place during the dinner party held by Riddhe's sister and her husband, after Riddhe has had his conversation with Ronan. The guests are mostly wealthy older women, the wives of important men.

Mineva is cautious and a bit intimidated. She is introduced as Audrey Burne, and stated to be the daughter of one of Ronan's connections. Riddhe is obviously sulking, refusing to speak to the point where he won't even respond to direct questions and his sister has to carry the conversation for him.

The guests begin gossiping about the recent terrorist attack on Industrial 7. The way they discuss the deaths is not particularly respectful. They talk about Zeon and spacenoids in general almost as if they're inhuman aliens. Cynthia tries to steer the conversation elsewhere. Mineva is horribly uncomfortable.

Riddhe stands up and leaves the table without saying anything. Mineva isn't able to find a good opportunity to leave and go look for him until 10 minutes later. She eventually finds him on the balcony facing the courtyard.

“I’m sorry” the voice entered her ears, and she looked forward, staring right at Riddhe’s back as he still looked forward. She lowered her face and said, “There’s no need for you to apologize...” “I feel that this is reality too. If I continue to remain in Neo Zeon, I wouldn’t know all of these things.” This might be a good chance to learn. Mineva muttered in her depressed heart, but she could not find any words to overcome these words that were full of such prejudice. She thought that mutual understanding was just a dream, and she remained unable to breathe in this helplessness of hers. “That’s not it.” Riddhe said as his shoulders trembled, and he clenched his hands that were on the handrails tightly. “That’s not what I want to talk about…” ... [His shoulders trembled,] probably because he was crying. That was not an emotion that could be caused by a breakdown in talks between him and Ronan, and Mineva sensed that there was a greater despair and sense of loss here, “Riddhe…” she called him, and approached his trembling figure. Suddenly, that back profile left the handrails, and Riddhe turned to Mineva, his chest filling her sights. Mineva was hugged around the shoulders as she was pulled to him, and he embraced her in his clutches. “I’m sorry, I…I actually brought you to such a unthinkable place…!” ... “No matter what, I’ll protect you well no matter what, so please stay here, stay by me…don’t leave me alone…” Water droplets that had warmth dripped on her hair, wetting her forehead. Why is he crying? What’s causing him so much pain? At that moment, Mineva had no sense of uneasiness or disgust as she felt Riddhe’s trembling body with her own. She hesitated over whether she should put her arms around him, and she looked at the sky that was entering the night from past the shoulders wearing the military uniform.

It's just... a completely different scene, with a completely different context.

Look at the description of that hug! Is that the impression you got from the hug in the anime, that Mineva felt at ease? The only person whose feelings we can tell for certain in that scene is Riddhe, and Mineva seems uncomfortable and unhappy both before and after the conversation.

The scene ends here. We get a continuation much later, as the final scene of the novel.

Mineva is alone in her room, several hours after the conversation on the balcony. We're told that Riddhe ran away from the house immediately afterward, without looking at her or explaining what had him so upset. She wonders what he's doing now, then wonders what she's doing. She feels helpless and lost, and rather unlike herself. In the past, she has always been very decisive. These confused, conflicted feelings are strange and unfamiliar to her.

When she looks up at the sky and asks Banagher what she should do, one of the stars is implied to be the Unicorn falling through the atmosphere. I think that imagery is really lovely.

Riddhe Horsegirl Moments

A couple days later, Mineva watches from a distance as Riddhe rides his horse. She is impressed by how in sync they are and how much trust there must be between them, but she also thinks that the horse is clearly picking up on Riddhe's anger and seems anxious.

(Right before this scene, when Ronan is watching Riddhe out the window, we're told that Riddhe deliberately learned a second, different riding style than the one popular with upper-class people that he was originally taught, because he thought it was boring. lol)

Cynthia comes out onto the terrace to talk to Mineva. They talk about Riddhe, and Cynthia describes her perception of his personality. The fan translation is kind of garbled here, but I'll include the passage anyway:

Cynthia looked down at Riddhe that was riding on the horse, “He’s really a useless child.” She sighed as she mused, and Mineva did not feel comfortable hearing this. “He’s always been like this in the past, always unable to hide what he was thinking, and never cared about the people around him when he put his mind to him. He’s already everywhere at once, but he’s attracted to small details for some reason, so he’ll always bear everything by himself alone.” This is really a rather accurate correct analysis. Mineva felt impressed that Riddhe’s relative was able to see through him so thoroughly, but felt a little depressed as she thought about how she had not been talking to Riddhe during this while...

Jp text for the list of traits:

「昔からそう。一途で、隠し事ができなくて、思い込んだら脇目も振らずに突っ走っちゃう。そのくせ、変に気が回るもんだから、ひとりでいろいろ抱え込んじゃうのよね」

Possible alt translation (I have no expertise, take with salt just as you would the other):

"It's always been that way. He's single-minded, can't hide anything, and when he makes up his mind, he rushes forward without looking the other way. Despite that, he's strangely anxious, so he takes on a lot of things by himself."

We're then told exactly how long Mineva has been staying at the Marcenas residence (3 days), and what the atmosphere has been like in the house. Riddhe is barely around, apparently busy repairing the Delta Plus. Ronan and Cynthia's husband Patrick avoid Mineva entirely. Cynthia and Doillon are the only people she has to spend time with, and neither of them is aware of her true identity.

Cynthia assures Mineva that Riddhe will probably get over whatever is bothering him soon enough and be back to his old self, but Mineva feels an ominous certainty that she's wrong.

My impression of novel Mineva is that she generally likes Riddhe and enjoys his company. She worries about him, and feels lonely when he starts becoming increasingly distant and angry. She doesn't like that she can see him changing, and she can tell that he's hurting. It's upsetting to her! She had just gotten to know this guy, and suddenly he's acting like a stranger again.

I have a hard time believing that OVA Mineva has enjoyed being in the same room with Riddhe at any point. She seems pragmatic and politely disinterested at best. Her body language with people she clearly likes-- Banagher, or hell, even the guy in the diner-- is very different.

The Most Depressing Proposal in the World

The dialogue of the proposal itself and Mineva's rejection is basically the same. Everything else about Riddhe's behaviour and body language is completely different.

They even completely inverted the exchange when he opens the door! In the novel, Riddhe asks if he can come in, and Mineva replies "this is your house, isn't it," but in the anime, he opens the door without asking and she's upset about the presumption.

It's such a small thing, but it's a clear signal to me that these changes are purposeful. They had zero reason to do that, unless they want to change the audience's perception of Riddhe and his relationship to Mineva. This suggests to me that they're not failing to adapt the novel character, but intentionally replacing him with something different. But... why? To what end?

This scene happens right after we learn that Riddhe is being sent to serve under Bright on the Ra Cailum. The context of the proposal is him telling her he's leaving.

Mineva has been in the house for at least ten days at this point. She has been feeling increasingly anxious and constrained, and by now she feels a strong desire to leave.

Riddhe is very distant and stiff. He tells her he's leaving, and apologizes. This is when he finally tells her about his conversation with Ronan, how the Marcenas family and the Vist Foundation "are like two mirrors facing each other," and that his family likely intends to use her as a hostage.

Then we get the proposal. It's so vaguely delivered that Mineva literally does not understand what he's asking at first. Not only does he not hug her, he's not even looking at her. He has a weird little twitch when bringing up his dad. The whole thing is miserable and kind of pathetic.

“So... can you become a member of our family?” In contrast, Riddhe said this without turning around to look. Mineva did not understand what he was saying to her as she frowned. “How about you abandon Zeon and the Zabi family, and become a member of the Marcenas family? In that case, my dad will—” To Riddhe, the last words were probably something he did not expect. His eyelids twitched, and he seemed to recover as he went quiet and lowered his eyes that were once facing Mineva. “…Even if it’s just a formality, this meaningless war will end like that, and you’ll be free.” “Do you feel…that can be considered freedom?” Mineva too lowered her sights, her heart feeling the sand-like bitterness. These words sounded too tragic to both the speaker and the listener, and even though they were just a few connected words, she could understand that her body and mind were gradually being contaminated. Something very important was starting to fall off, unable to be retrieved again—this kind of disappointment spread in her heart.

I'm sure Riddhe does think a marriage would reduce the danger she's in, but this is still a selfish question. He probably even knows it. It's just not the same kind of selfish as if he had barged into her room uninvited and proposed immediately during a fit of emotion because he's apparently madly in love with her, good grief.

Not even Riddhe wants to be "a member of his family." He had refused to speak to them for three years, well before he had the family secret dropped on him. But we're supposed to believe he thinks pulling Mineva into that is a good idea? Please. He is horrified by the idea of being alone with them.

He wants Mineva to stay because she's the only outside person he has left to hold onto, because he cut off all his other established positive relationships when he helped her escape.

Personally, I think that kind of total alienation is a lot more psychologically interesting than just being freshly upset and smitten with her!

Even though he knew how many risks he was taking, I think Riddhe was still telling himself he'd be able to wriggle out of it eventually. He'd use his dad's authority to secure Mineva's safety, and then he'd wait for another chance to run away and be a pilot again later.

Being told about the Box was the nail in the coffin for that, because it gave him a new, permanent sense of obligation to re-affiliate with his family, to "take responsibility for their sins." Perceived moral obligation is Riddhe's kryptonite.

The anime cut the conversation here, right after the rejection. Do you want to know what Riddhe's next line of dialogue is?

“Sorry, forget what I just said.”

lol. lmao even.

Like the anime, this conversation is the catalyst for Mineva running away. The scene in the diner is from Novel 7, as is Martha demanding Ronan give her Mineva. It all happens after Riddhe leaves.

The Ra Cailum

The Tri-Stars are not happy to have Riddhe on their ship.

When Riddhe first approaches the Ra Cailum in the Delta Plus and attempts to board, they actively antagonize him in their own mobile suits: they physically get in his way, don't respond to his hails, and one of them even fires on him.

Riddhe pulls off a dramatic maneuver to get past them, and this impresses them enough for the squad leader to say "alright, you've convinced me that you're more than just a useless nepotism hire."

They did not have authorization to do this. All four of them get dragged into Bright's office immediately after getting out of their suits. The Tri-Stars lie about what happened to avoid further trouble, and Riddhe goes along with the cover story. Bright orders the Tri-Stars to go clean the deck, and they leave.

The incident confirmed in Riddhe's mind that he's being given special treatment, so he brings it up to Bright:

The reason why the Tri-Stars would pull such petty tricks on him was because news of him being given special treatment was spread through the ship. He was already mentally prepared about being viewed as an irritant, but he could not stand being treated as a troublesome VIP and being unable to do anything. He stared at the back that had no intent of looking back at him and continued to emphasize with a restrained tone. “I’ve been through battle before. Please don’t remove me from dangerous missions just because I have to keep watch—” “DON’T BE NAÏVE!” Bright turned around to let out a roar that pierced through the pilot suit, causing goosebumps on Riddhe’s skin.

This conversation hits different when the "dangerous" situations Riddhe keeps putting himself in are on the extreme end even for a military pilot.

Novel Riddhe's disregard for his own safety is remarkable. I talked about it some in the last post, but after the conversation with his dad it takes on a more desperate tone. There is something very clearly wrong with this guy, and every time other people die around him it gets a little worse.

When I call Riddhe "borderline suicidal," I'm not saying he's consciously trying to kill himself, to be clear. He's not trying to get shot down on purpose-- quite the opposite.

I have no intention of dying. Right now, I don’t have a reason for that, before I can redeem the crimes of this cursed bloodline of mine— he muttered in his frozen heart, “Yes”, answered, and saluted.

The reckless death drive and the belief he has an obligation to stay alive can coexist without coming into conflict because they're ultimately coming from the same place and serving the same goal. He needs to keep existing in order to protect other people, and he needs to protect other people in order to justify having ever existed in the first place.

Or, basically: if you die, you only get to sacrifice yourself once, but so long as you survive you can keep doing it forever.

(And of course, what he thinks in the abstract while safely tucked away in an office is also different from how he behaves in actual combat, when people around him are dying.)

You'll get new examples when I get to what Riddhe does during the battle of Dakar. For now, we'll finish up the conversation with Bright.

Bright tells Riddhe to come back alive in both versions, but in the novel he also tells him to go clean the deck with the Tri-Stars if he wants to be treated like a normal pilot.

Nigel, the leader of the Tri-Stars, is waiting outside the door when Riddhe leaves Bright's office. Riddhe sighs and tells him he's going to help clean the deck. Nigel tells him he's too rigid, and he's going to end up wasting his talent. He doesn't let up even when Riddhe tries to be deferential:

... Riddhe instinctively looked away and said, “I won’t cause trouble for you.” ... but Nigel moved away from the wall and spoke, “You’re a rookie who doesn’t even know the meaning of the word team? Well, us Tri-Stars do whatever we want, and there’s no need for us to give you suggestions, but I’ll shoot you down from behind if you dare to pull the Ra Cailum fleet down. You better remember that.”

The equivalent to this line in the OVA seems a lot friendlier and more like banter. I think he's being truthful here, or at the very least genuinely trying to intimidate Riddhe.

Riddhe realizes Nigel still doesn't trust him and is continuing to treat him like an outsider. He thinks that maybe it's for the best, and responds with sarcastic praise.

Then we get this truly astounding line which I'm almost certain is a translation error, but I need you to see it anyway:

“Your sarcasm ain’t half bad there. Are you saying that us idiots who only know how to train are having a group orgy or something?”

Well I wasn't thinking it before but I'm certainly thinking it now. Why are you being so unwelcoming and excluding Riddhe from the group orgy, Nigel?

(The Japanese is "おれたちは訓練バカの仲良しグループってわけか？", if you want to check it yourself. Unless I'm missing some contextual innuendo, I'm pretty sure there is no reference to an orgy here. The phrase that got turned into that means "a group of close friends." He's basically saying "You think we aren't real soldiers and this is just a social club?"

I'm so disappointed. I wish this one was real. I was hoping to at least find a common crude idiom, like how people use "circlejerk" in English.)

Ahem.

Riddhe's attempt to be aloof fails; he immediately admits he's feeling envious and wants to feel included in the group. Nigel is clearly surprised by this, and seeds are planted for the Tri-Stars to come around.

This is important because when the attack on Dakar begins, Riddhe is initially told he isn't allowed to launch because he doesn't belong to any existing squadron. He's eventually given permission to launch with the Tri-Stars, after Nigel vouches for him.

Riddhe and Banagher vs. The Shamblo

The OVA actually reverses Riddhe and Banagher's respective roles here. Novel Riddhe engages the Shamblo well before Banagher is even on the field.

As the Ra Cailum approaches Dakar, they get a clearer picture of the situation. Bright realizes things are worse than they thought, and they need to rethink their approach.

Riddhe requests to be sent ahead on his own, to distract the enemy while the main forces land. He manages to make a convincing argument as to how he can do this without being shot down, and Nigel vouches for him again, so Bright agrees to let him scout ahead.

Riddhe launches on his own, without the Tri-Stars. He thinks about Mihiro and the Argama crew briefly while talking to the communications operator, which is sweet.

As Riddhe approaches the Shamblo, he realizes there are still civilians nearby who haven't finished evacuating. He also spots a GM III, part of Dakar's security forces, and watches it fire missiles even though the pilot should have been able to see the people on the street. Riddhe is furious.

The “GM III” continued to fire its beam rifle wildly at the road covered with dust and smoke. Riddhe grabbed the arm of the [mobile suit] and pulled it to the blind spot of the collapsed department store. (Khairul was killed…!) as the pilot continued to ramble on, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” Riddhe used the communication channel to yell out at him, “Why are you using missiles at such a place!? There’re still people in the city!) (But we can’t let that guy approach the parliament hall…) “For the sake of your pride, you…!”

But then the Shamblo does its laser bits thing, so the GM ends up exploding. A lot of mobile suits nearby explode, in fact (RIP Guntank squad), and fleeing civilians get crushed quite gruesomely.

This is the point where Riddhe's death wish instinct activates, and "scouting" turns into "I need to engage the enemy and tank aggro right now."

“There’s no reason for them to die because of such a thing…!” If this is a tragedy caused by the “Box”. Riddhe let the machine transform, duck low, charge forward and squeezed the trigger of the beam rifle to its maximum. The beams that were deflected by the bits ripped apart the dust, grazing past the head of the “Delta Plus”. The machine then stood on the road in front of several blocks and started firing again. “Get over here!!!” he did not care that the reflected beams grazed past his shields as he let the “Delta Plus” leap up again. “I won’t let you kill anyone else. Just make me the only victim of the “Box”…!” The beam rifle continued to let out shots, and the beams that were reflected back in less than a second shook the machine. Riddhe continued to launch his attacks fervently as he forced the machine to retreat back to the coast. Anyway, I have to let the mobile armor retreat [from] the city and buy time for the civilians to evacuate. How long can I last? His mind that was thinking about this could not work at all, and the “Delta Plus” continued to shoot in a suicidal manner as it danced around the skies above Dakar.

Banagher sees and recognizes the Delta Plus on the monitor just before his fight with Zinnerman. His scenes are intercut with Riddhe and Loni's perspective on the battlefield.

Loni-- a very different character from her OVA counterpart-- keeps picking up on Riddhe's thoughts during combat. She attempts to convince her father that they should change course to avoid the civilians, but he refuses.

Riddhe helps a GM pilot in a damaged suit and tries to convince them to retreat, but they aren't having it. They tell him they're going to get under the Shamblo's feet, and they want him to shoot their suit so it will explode.

Obviously it's normal to feel fucked up about that kind of request, but it's still darkly funny to me how freaked out Riddhe gets, given his behaviour during this entire battle. Self sacrifice... not Riddhe? Death of friendly pilot not Riddhe??? No! No!!! Unacceptable!!!!

It's not Riddhe's choice to make, though. The GM rushes the Shamblo, where it is promptly torn apart and trampled. Riddhe manages to break through his hesitation and fires, but the Shamblo blocks the beam.

Then it fucking gets him. If you remember what I said about the OVA reversing the roles, the bit where the Unicorn gets grabbed by the claws happens to the Delta Plus instead.

The back of the “Delta Plus” was slammed hard onto the road, and the machine was half buried in the cracked asphalt. The large claws grabbed the lower half of the machine to restrain it, while the other claw rose slowly over the head of the “Delta Plus”, showing its malice that it was trying to dice it up as it opened its sharp blades. Riddhe sensed that his body was going to be crushed by this impact and scattered apart as he gritted his bloodied teeth. Is this the end? I can’t do anything, I’ll die here without being able to save anyone. As Riddhe’s concussed mind eked out these thoughts, How annoying, he muttered in his heart...

So then instead of Riddhe breaking off from the Tri-Stars to help Banagher, we get Banagher finally arriving on the scene and swooping in to save Riddhe from getting pureed.

They team up. The Unicorn isn't as manoeuvrable under Earth's gravity and atmospheric conditions as it is in space, so the Delta Plus basically becomes its flight unit.

Banagher is the one who fires the shot and destroys the Shamblo. He's very upset about Loni's death, but there's no moral dilemma or conflict between him and Riddhe.

Loni's situation is very different. She was probably already going to die whether they destroyed the Shamblo or not, and since it had multiple pilots, her death alone would not have stopped its rampage. I'll go over this again in more detail during her section. For now, the point I'm trying to make is that the novel version of this scene emphasizes that Riddhe and Banagher have a positive relationship.

I really get along with this guy instinctively. Riddhe hid this bittersweet reality inside his heart as he went full throttle and let the machine remain as low as possible.

[...]

The thrill when they were accelerating for each other as they raced caused all his senses to sharpen. If only I can remain at that moment of ecstasy.

The OVA scene is about... the opposite of that.

I still can't believe OVA Riddhe looks angry when Banagher's plan works and the Shamblo stops attacking the first time. He fucking scowls? Are you mad you're being proven wrong? That's more important to you in this situation than preventing more deaths? Distinctly un-Riddhelike priorities!

With the Shamblo gone, Riddhe is ordered to capture the Gundam.

The conversation they have about this is significantly longer. There's a lot of Riddhe failing to talk himself into killing Banagher after he refuses to surrender.

He's extremely torn up about it. Because Riddhe likes Banagher.

The metals bellowed as they touched each other, and the voice of the pilot rang within the interaction window. The “Unicorn Gundam” was touching the “Delta Plus” on the shoulder as it opened the communication circuit. ... (I never thought that I would meet you here in such a way…is Audrey alright? Did you make contact with the “Nahel Argama”—) Banagher intended to lean the body forward as he talked. However, Riddhe did not look at the other party’s face. He held his breath and fulfilled what he had to do at this point. The “Delta Plus” shook aside the hand resting on its shoulder ... The “Gundam” tripped, and by the time it managed to steady itself with the AMBAC, the “Delta Plus” was aiming its beam rifle at the abdomen. (Mr Riddhe…!?) “I’ve received an order to capture that “Gundam”. Get off that cockpit, Banagher.” Luckily, the visuals on the communication window were cut off the moment the interaction channel was removed. (Mr Riddhe, why…!) Riddhe merely let Banaher’s outcry chide his ears as his hand holding onto the control stick was trembling. “Don’t call me as if we’re close with each other. Without you, things wouldn’t end up like that…!” (Why’s that so? Mr Riddhe, Audrey—) “You and the “Gundam” are obstacles preventing this Audrey you speak of—Mineva from living peacefully. Get off!” My chest is going to break open. At this rate, I’ll go crazy too—just like this mobile armor that lies dead in front of me. Riddhe lowered his eyes and waited for Banagher to answer in a prayer. I feel you’re a man of your word. I’ll leave Audrey to you. The boy with such strong-willed eyes actually used those words to lay a curse on him and bind him, and though he hoped that the other party would step aside after realizing what was going on—

The things he says about Mineva here are interesting. I think it's very representative of the kind of weird rigid thinking Riddhe has, that even as he tries to talk himself into literally killing Banagher, he still considers the promise to take care of Audrey binding and unassailable.

It's also kind of fascinating that he considers protecting her to be something that he owes to Banagher specifically at all, enough to apparently consider it a burden, given that he had already taken action to do it himself before they ever had that conversation.

Even though he's stubborn and historically disobedient to authority figures like his father, Riddhe is still very... rules-brained, I guess, in his own way. He gets "stuck" on specific things people say to him like this a lot, particularly in the context of morality or a sense of duty.

Banagher won't get out of the Gundam, even at gunpoint. He doesn't understand why Riddhe is acting the way he is, and he wants an explanation.

And here's the important part:

When Banagher calls Riddhe's bluff and Riddhe cannot bring himself to shoot him, Riddhe tells Banangher to flee before anyone else can arrive to capture him.

Yes! He actively decides to disobey orders and let Banagher escape! That's the moment that the 'Black Unicorn' drops in on them! It has to show up for the plot to work, because Riddhe has already backed down as a threat!!!

And Riddhe's still focused on Banagher, even after the Banshee drops a bunch of rubble on his mobile suit. He's stuck there in his unresponsive machine, yelling at Banagher to run away.

There is hostility between Banagher and Riddhe during the Torrington fight in book 7, but the equivalent of that confrontation is presumably something for next time... there are still like, three more emotional bombshells that need to be dropped on Riddhe before he stops instinctively treating Banagher like an ally.

Do you see how, cumulatively, this might as well be a completely different guy?

I've been trying to avoid spoiling anything that happens later in the novels as much as possible, even though I assume most people reading these posts have either already seen the full anime or don't care about spoilers at all. But I simply must say. Holy shit. You're going to have this guy kill a fan favourite character? This guy? Worse Riddhe? I'm wincing just thinking about how apocalyptically fucking mad people must have been. I am imagining the forum posts in my mind's eye, and they're bad.

As much as I love complaining, I do think changes made in any adaptation deserve to be considered in their own right. Even if I don't like them. I've been thinking a lot about what these changes might mean, and what purpose they might serve.

Some possible narrative reasons for Worse Riddhe I came up with:

They needed him to kill this version of Loni in place of Banahger -- I think regular Riddhe would also be willing to kill Loni, once it became obvious that Banagher's plan had failed the first time. She's an enemy combatant who is deliberately killing civilians, and she's either unwilling or unable to stop.

To justify Mineva running away sooner -- as in, they thought if he was too likeable, the audience wouldn't understand why she wanted to leave. This wouldn't be a problem in the first place if they hadn't pushed his scenes forward so they had to happen all at once. Either way, Mineva would have many good reasons to want to leave without Worse Riddhe. Riddhe is only person she really has in her corner-- and then he tells her she's in an unsafe place, and then he leaves.

They were worried he might overshadow Banagher…? I don't think reducing Riddhe's role in on-screen combat would necessitate changing his personality. Also, this is just not something I personally give a shit about. Multiple important characters is not a problem. Banagher would absolutely still get to be cool and heroic. C'mon.

They think the new characterization is likeable / endearing, and the audience is supposed to find the increased focus on unrequited romantic interest in Mineva sympathetic-- [perplexed vocalization]

They think if Riddhe is more naive and jealous from the beginning, bringing him around will be more meaningful, from the angle of "Look, even this guy can be reached through the power of communication and not giving up on a possibility" -- Oo-hoo-oooh, I don't like how plausible this one feels. I can see the exact reasoning that might lead to it. I don't like it.

They're going to do something totally new with him later that never would have occurred to me -- I guess that could save it for me as an artistic decision, if it's interesting enough. Bit of a scary thought, though. What's up your sleeve?

If anyone else has theories or opinions about the rationale here, I'm all ears. I'd love to come up with something good enough to feel even 25% less annoyed about it.

Anyway, we've covered all my Riddhe grievances. Let's move on.

Frontal and Angelo are barely in this one, which is novel accurate.

They get their own section anyway, because they're always important to ME!!!

I get so excited every time Frontal shows up, regardless of context. The Sinanju theme starts playing and I'm already having the time of my life. He's literally just standing there and giving exposition. Embarrassing.

I love how visibly mad Angelo gets every time Zinnerman talks back to Frontal. He's hysterical.

Here's novel Loni experiencing Frontal's uncanny deepfake vibes:

The masked face spoke on the monitor, and Loni did not feel that it was the face of a human. The nose bridge and the lips under the mask were too refined, and the thick blond hair reminded her of a puppet. Am I seeing a complete artificial image here? she felt some goosebumps as she stared at Full Frontal, who was calmly smiling.

Banagher and Zinnerman

Banagher and Zinnerman's relationship is probably the one major story element that changed the least from the page to screen. I'm really glad that's the case. Their scenes together were some of the most enjoyable parts of the book.

There are still slight differences, as is inevitable.

Zinnerman is softer on Banagher in the anime. I think they probably did this just to make it even more shocking when he starts slamming him around and pointing a gun at him later. Novel Zinnerman is a bit more roundabout with how he expresses affection, and also more aggressive.

Zinnerman doesn't hit Banagher in the anime at all until their big fight, but in the novels he does it a number of times. He hits him twice when he's sitting around catatonic at the crash site, and that wasn't even the first time in the series (the first was all the way back on Palau, because Banagher was mouthing off when they drop him off to stay with Gilboa).

They have a confrontation before they head out into the desert, and it's a precursor to the conversation they have while traveling. The two conversations are about the exact same subjects, with the second mostly being a gentler reiteration, so I can see why they'd only keep one. The anime also shifts some of the aggressive energy from Zinnerman to Flaste, instead, by having him yell at Banagher and throw him around.

The scene that's only in the novel, is... scarier, for lack of a better word? Banagher starts out even more dramatically unresponsive and defeated, he ends up getting angrier, and Zinnerman is a lot more threatening.

On Banagher's condition at the crash site:

... he had no sense of will to live on by himself, and he would not ingest food if it was not prepared. If he was left alone, he would just sit around blankly for the entire day. ... There were no effects no matter what they did, whether they tried to threaten him or please him; he would not resist, but he would not show any form of will on his own. ...

On Banagher's internal mental state:

You killed him. You killed Gilboa, Tikva’s father. He had no intention of attacking, and you simply shot him. Tikva’s pitiful for not having a father now. You and him have no fathers. You killed him, and you killed a lot a people—

[...]

We can just run through this desert, Banagher thought. The sunlight can burn the skin, blood my head, dry up all the fluids in my body, and I’ll just become dust. Even the lead in my stomach and this cursed family blood of mine will be burnt to nothing. If I can do that, the “Unicorn” will never move again, the “Gundam” won’t awaken again; I won’t have to kill others, I won’t be killed, and the “Laplace Box” will be sealed forever— And then what? The abnormally cold voice interrupted to end the delusions. The impulse that rose in Banagher’s body quickly wilted as fatigue struck his mind. He found it difficult to think, curled back his body without doing anything and became a stone block like before.

Banagher's despair is also where the title of both the novel and the OVA comes from.

This place is really the bottom of a gravity well, Banagher admitted. His body and mind were tied to the bottom, so heavy that they were unable to move at all. Space felt so distant, and his soul was the only thing melting from his crouched body that was like dust. This is a one and only cog that can make decisions on its own. Don’t lose it—Mr Daguza did say it. I don’t want to lose it, I lost it unwillingly, but I really can’t hang on now. If I try to put it on, my body will break apart. I just want to sit here without thinking and without asking for anything. I’ll keep sitting until my heart melts completely…

And then Zinnerman comes in, and tells him him they're going on a trip. Sorry, you're getting a big chunk of excerpts here, because I really like this entire conversation.

Zinnerman was standing there. His hulking figure was standing there angrily “Stand up.” as he growled with a deep voice. Banagher immediately lost interest in the person who arrived, and immediately lowered his sight. “There’s a town 60km away. I’m going to walk there and get help, and you’re coming with me.” Are you kidding me? a slight electrical flow passed through Banagher’s mind as he lifted his eyes again. He saw the bearded face that was not smiling, and lazily looked down again. At this moment, Zinnerman’s hand grabbed him by the torso, and the body, which had its center of gravity at the back, was immediately dragged off the floor. “How long are you going to mope around here!?” The angry words roared into Banagher’s ears as the sand fell from his limp swaying body. His feet would not listen as his body was supported by hand grabbing him by the chest. However, Zinnerman’s hand that was holding this weight showed no signs of shaking at all. “We’ll leave after sunset. Get into the ship immediately. We need to prepare a lot of things if we want to pass through the desert.”

[...]

“Duty? I did my duty. I rode on the mobile suit and sank a Neo Zeon terrorist. Is that not enough? How many more must I kill?” Only this time did Banagher look right at Zinnerman in the eyes and spoke directly to him. What duty and responsibility? It ended up like this after I listened to those words. As he thought about how he would not be fooled again and intended to stand on his feet, a blunt sound rang in his mind as his world exploded. The body that was punched aside landed hard onto the floor, and the burning hot taste of sand spread in his mouth. The face that was buried in the sand started to ache, and Banagher’s body was trembling as he heard Zinnerman say, “You can deny us all you want.” “But don’t you dare think of yourself as a victim and throw a tantrum at me. I can still recognize it if the one that shot down Gilboa is a pilot, but not a brat who doesn’t have any resolve.”

[...]

The lead in Banagher’s stomach was burning, and he forcefully spat the sand that became dirt in his [mouth.] “I didn’t do this on my own will…” he muttered as he wiped away the blood on the corner of his mouth. “Someone else forced me to ride on a mobile suit, and things ended up like this before I even knew what happened. If you’re not going to forgive me, just kill me. Don’t beat around the bush and talk about something like duty; can’t you just harden your heart and kill me…!?” Zinnerman’s hard fist was still clenched as he answered with his trembling eyelids. See, this man talks big, but he’s no different from those guys who want the “Box”. Banagher said, “You don’t dare to do so anyway.” Banagher said with his busted lips that were curled up. “If I die, the “Unicorn” won’t move. If you can’t extract the data of the “Box”, you’ll just let this treasure rot. No matter how you hate me, it’s impossible for you to kill—” The second impact struck his face, ... “[Those] big shots may think that way, but we’re different”, Zinnerman growled, ... “It doesn’t matter what happens to the “Box”. My ship doesn’t have the room to feed someone like you who has no will to live.” The burly figure became a shadow as it moved towards Banagher, blocking his sights. The eyes of a killer were glittering somehow deep within, just like the first time, and Banagher clenched his hands together with the sand. Banagher stared at the two black eyeballs that were not showing any light, and exerted strength to stiffen his trembling knees. He tried his best to let his trembling body stand up, and glared at Zinnerman with all his strength. Do it if you can. I’ll spit my blood on you once I’m beaten down. As he was driven by this unknown temper, his swaying body was about to straighten, and Zinnerman showed some teeth on his ominous looking face. Before he could understand that it was a smile, he was gently nudged back and landed on his backside. “What kind of expression is that?” Zinnerman gave a wry look, and this was an unexpected response to Banagher as he looked back. “Someone who can give that kind of expression will not collapse that easily. Hurry up and get ready. The desert won’t listen to any excuses humans make.” Zinnerman finished and walked away. Are you serious? Banagher wanted to open his mouth and ask, but was unable to let out a sound as his wildly pounding heart spread the feeling of this fear that came a moment later. His body that was unneeded by anyone and self-neglected continued to give the sound of life stubbornly— “Damn it!” Banagher groaned as he kicked the sand at his feet. The blood that rushed up his body caused him to recall the heat, and the large amount of sweat that suddenly started to flow out evaporated before they dripped.

I really love this scene, and I miss furious blood-spitting Banagher, but I also liked the little sand-throwing tantrum they added to the conversation in the anime, so I can't complain too much. Other than that, the argument in the desert is basically the same.

Then we get the story about Globe. This is another scene where the music really stood out to me -- the track is called "Desert," and I think it's beautiful.

I like how they take advantage of the desert setting to show it to you visually in the form of Banagher seeing mirages, as well the hot wind in the desert evoking the heat from the burning town. It's a clever sequence.

I'll be coming back to Globe in a later section. The story and its telling has been altered in significant ways, although it serves the exact same purpose in the narrative for Zinnerman's motivation. Put a pin in it.

The conversation at the campsite is pretty much exactly the same in both versions, except the novel also describes ancient cave paintings on the stone walls they're using for shelter.

The novel has one more travel scene after this, where they get caught in a simoom and have a harrowing near-death experience. This is where Banagher really thinks through his feelings and resolves that he needs to live. As soon as the storm passes, they realize they're right outside their destination and start laughing hysterically from relief.

The novel also has several scenes where the two of them spend time with Loni in the city, scouting Dakar on foot before the operation. These are mostly about establishing setting, progressing the plot, and strengthening Banagher's connection to Loni, though there are some small Zinnerman moments I thought were charming.

Here's Zinnerman buying Banagher a beer:

Zinnerman suddenly raised his hand and called the waitress beside him. “Another beer please. For him.” He said with a nonchalant look on his face as he pointed at Banagher, wanting him to continue talking. “I’m still underaged, you know!?” Banagher then gave a shocked expression right back as his momentum was worn out. “Just drink. Today’s a special day.” “What’s special…” “You’ve become an adult. There’s no punishment for celebrating a little anyway.” A warm smile Banagher had never seen before caused him to feel some warmth in his stomach. He felt embarrassed, and thought that he could not look back anymore as he turned his stare to the sea surface that was dyed sunset.

The fight they have during the operation plays out pretty much the same, in both action and dialogue. Zinnerman does cause less lasting visible damage to Banagher in the OVA, though-- he's described as having his face noticeably bruised and banged up in the novel.

I do think novel Banagher knew civilian casualties were a possibility going in (in a way that OVA Banagher possibly did not consider at all, since the target is explicitly military). What horrified him was the deliberate act of murdering innocent people-- similar to novel Loni's feelings, in fact.

Even if he's rationalizing, Zinnerman's response of "you should have expected this" is still much truer about Dakar than Torrington. Come on, Banagher, you didn't consider there might be serious collateral damage if we walk the giant metal laser monster into a major metropolitan area? You saw what happened to Industrial 7. They could have just as easily destroyed that hotel by accident.

Such a good scene, though. Both versions. Get his ass.

Marida, Martha, and Alberto

There's a lot going on here. I'll start with the easy stuff.

Since Gael was on the Argama at the end of Novel 5, he goes to the bridge and tells them not to let Martha's ship capture the Unicorn. His mission had failed, and Alberto was successfully transferred to Martha's ship with Marida.

Gael warns Banagher through transmission not to trust Alberto and not to follow his instructions. He also tells him explicitly that Alberto killed Cardeas.

Alberto then cuts off Gael's transmission and admits to doing so. He explains his reasons, and then says some fairly cruel things to Banagher. It's clear that this conversation contributed to Banagher's intense despair in the desert; he even quotes Alberto directly at one point.

(The Foundation can’t live on without the Box. But that man intended to bring the “Box” outside.) ... (The Foundation has the “Box”. As long as this fact doesn’t change, it doesn’t matter even if the “Box” doesn’t exist. The key to opening the “Box” has no reason to exist. As long as we can destroy the “Unicorn”, everything will be back to normal. Don’t you understand? To a lot of people, you’re the seed of disaster.) ... (If you want to hate, hate father. Hate our father.) The voice pierced through Banagher’s chest, and then, there was a physical impact that rocked the cockpit. The connected ignition bolt was activated, and the traction wire was severed from the shuttle right from the end.

[...]

Banagher’s vision started to spin in a confusing manner, and the plasma air flow continued to blow by the cockpit. The temperature in the machine gradually rose, and the warning alarms continued to sway amidst the burning hot air. Nobody will save me. There’s no worth in saving me. Everything I know about is wrong. Banagher yelled with a voice that did not make a sound. I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be sitting in this, even my birth onto this Earth is wrong— Banagher’ yell was vaporized by the additional heat, and the color of flames gradually covered everything.

With the line cut, the Garancieres moves in to grab the Unicorn instead. Banagher has passed out, but the Unicorn begins moving entirely on its own. Again it's described as looking like a devil, which is particularly fitting when it's basically fucking on fire. Zinnerman looks at its face and thinks it looks like it's smiling. I love that.

The head of the “Unicorn Gundam” that resembled a human face peeked through the bridge window, and the camera outside the ship was capturing a visual of its glowing eyes. It was an icy cold stare, and those eyes were staring at Zinnerman and company coldly as if it was grading the people inside the ship— “Is that thing…moving by itself?”

[...]

Zinnerman did not have time to shout out as his back hit the ceiling, and he tumbled onto the floor. From the corner of his eyes, he saw that the “Gundam” above him was narrowing its eyes in a smile with its back against the plasma glow. The machine with the appearance of a white devil was definitely smiling, and its body was swaying amidst the vortex that swelled like a mirage.

In book five, it's easy to read the passage with Alberto and not be entirely sure whether the tether being cut was the intention from the start, if it was something Martha ordered, etc. In book six we get explicit confirmation that Alberto made a snap decision at that moment to kill Banagher. He has weird guilt-induced visions of a young Banagher while walking around the cyber-Newtype lab.

... Alberto suddenly went quiet as he stopped in his tracks, as he sensed someone moving at the corner leading to the elevator hall. At a corner of the passage that was somewhat dim because of energy conservation, there was a black shadow popping out from a corner. That shadow moved lightly, forming the shape of a human, and became a shadow of a 4, 5 year old child as it stared right back from the corner. Those familiar eyes looked like they were about to be etched in Alberto’s eyes, and he could not help but look away. Haven’t you had enough already? Alberto thought as he widened his tense eyes with fear. The child who looked eerily similar to Banagher Links suddenly disappeared, and the shadow of the foliage plant placed at the corner was dragged along the floor.

[...]

The white machine fell into the scorching abyss as the traction wire was snapped—he recalled that scene and asked himself whether it was the correct decision. At that time, he merely had the impulse of wanted to get rid of the “Unicorn” from his eyes, and he did not remember making a sane decision. That was because he was scared, and he hated the eyes of the “Unicorn” pilot that were the same as Cardeas—Banagher Links, who was protected by the machine Cardeas put so much effort in making, and who appeared several times in front of him. Those eyes that could overlap his own when he looked into the mirror looked like they would reveal the sins he committed over and over again…

There's a bit more detail given as to the history about the Newtype lab, and why it still exists despite being shuttered. We also learn that it's rumoured to be haunted by the gruesome ghosts of children, who presumably died during experimentation. Alberto is not having a good time, and blames his hallucinations on the rumours.

Now I need to talk about the thorny part:

A lot of the stuff from the novels surrounding Alberto, Martha and Marida that got removed in the anime is related to sexual violence.

Book six has an extreme amount of sexual violence in general.

Content warning for this section: rape / sexual assault, csa, incest. If at any point you want to skip past it, scroll down to the heading and image for Loni's section. SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT KIDDING.

Since I was already talking about Alberto, I'll start there:

Martha and Alberto have an incestuous relationship.

I'm being pretty thorough with my current reread. I'm paying attention to everything, even stuff I don't especially like or find immediately interesting. If anything ever seems really out there, I try to crosscheck the Japanese (for as much as that helps, as a non-speaker). My previous read was much more casual, and I definitely started skimming whenever the incest came up.

As I continue reading into novel seven and beyond, I'm finding that it is... more relevant and also more severe than I remembered. I actually double-checked some scenes from later novels because I was wondering about something, and I'm fairly certain now that the implication is that Martha started grooming Alberto when he was a young teenager. That detail in particular significantly re-frames the kind of antagonist she is, for me.

You can already read sexual malice or eroticism into her interactions with various characters (Marida...), but that's not the same as being a canonical child sexual abuser. It's not like CCA Char stringing Quess along to manipulate her into the robot, or Haman trying and failing to seduce Judau in ZZ. There's no less damning explanation, and it's too prominent for "I pretend I do not see it" to feel like a viable reaction.

Unfortunately for the part of me that just wants to gleefully watch a sexy middle-aged lady be unrelentingly manipulative and terrible to everyone, I think continuing to ignore it would be failing to engage honestly with the text.

But hey, it's not in the anime. Anime Martha, at least, still gets to evil in the uncomplicated and fun kind of way.

I'm definitely going to be paying more attention to this aspect of Alberto as I reread. Unlike the other characters with csa backstories, I do not have any kind of developed opinions about how his is handled...

I wanted to get Martha and Alberto out of the way first because their Whole Situation spans multiple books. They are far from the most prominent instance of sexual violence in book six specifically. They only get three or so lines of unsettling innuendo, if I'm remembering right.

It's not a problem that sexual violence exists in the novels-- some of it is thematically or narratively interesting, and even important to why I'm so attached to certain characters. The problem is the sheer amount of it that gets thrown at you all at once, and how gratuitous it can get. Book six in particular overshoots 'shocking' and 'emotional', right into 'annoying'. It's excessive to the point of feeling stupid, and it cheapens scenes that I think could otherwise be resonant and meaningful.

This is something that's true of many (though not all) of the things I don't like in the Unicorn books-- they feel like frustrating over-extensions of things I did like about them. It's like Fukui doesn't know where to stop, and just takes bigger and bigger swings until it just becomes grossly self-indulgent (or in worse cases, reveals some kind of unpleasant bias).

I still remember reading Marida's backstory in book 5 for the first time and thinking I liked how it was handled, only for next book to go back and do it again but worse. Amazing.

There's a nightmare sequence when she's being brainwashed that has a sudden rape in the middle. It's more graphic than her backstory, which was often explained through metaphor, focused on Marida's emotions, implied through environmental details in the aftermath, etc. This one is just Fukui literally describing an assault to you.

She eventually kills her assailant, but is horrified to look and find the corpse is Zinnerman. Maybe that could have gotten me as a grossout horror moment if it wasn't the endcap for a sequence I didn't like, in a book that's already full of this shit. It's also just not necessarily the kind of shock factor I'm looking for from Gundam specifically. Whatever.

We're later told that the content of the brainwashing is based on Martha, but it's not explained exactly what that means (at least, it is unclear in the English fan translation). The nightmare does start out with Marida witnessing a snippet of Martha's childhood where she attends her father's funeral. Does it draw on her memories? Her worldview? Is it some kind of automatic generative process, or did she write it like a script? We don't know.

At the end of the nightmare, Marida sees herself as a child crying over Zinnerman's body, as an obvious parallel to the funeral of Martha's father at the beginning. I liked this. Shame about the middle.

I said I would come back to Globe. The novel version of the story has significant discussion of rape, including of children. When I compare the fan translation to the Japanese version, some of the lines might be slightly mistranslated, but the actual meanings are never describing anything less grotesque. One of them seems to actually be saying something worse than I had assumed, which is impressive.

The story in the anime states there were no survivors, which is not the case in the book, although there were certainly many horrible deaths.

(The novel tells us directly that a specific character is a survivor of the massacre at Globe. I've already been told that the backstory I'm talking about was cut from the anime, so I guess it's a moot point.

But since the story is being told by Flaste, it's not like some small number of survivors unrelated to him would necessarily be something he'd know about, I guess...)

Flaste also tells Banagher that there was footage of the violence at Globe that ended up being circulated on the black market. Attempting to track down and eliminate the source of the videos is what led to them finding Marida, since she was trafficked through the same network.

I'm done with this part. Unfortunately, the next section is possibly even more thorny.

Loni and Mahdi Garvey

Content warning for this section: racism / orientalism / islamophobia, allusions to real life terrorist attacks, one brief reference to sexual violence. The worst of it is over after you get to the heading "Who is Loni?", but if you want to skip all the way to the conclusion you can always scroll down to the last two images (Loni crying + the Shamblo with the destroyed cockpit).

The novel version of the Shamblo requires multiple pilots. The attack on Dakar is carried out by Loni, her two brothers Walid and Abbas, and her father Mahdi.

Novel Loni is generally a voice of mercy and restraint, although she still willingly participates in the operation. Much of her original dialogue during combat has been given to Kirks in the OVA.

Mahdi Garvey is the vengeful, resentful force that wants to punish the Federation for its crimes and destroy its symbols. He is the one who orders attacks on unrelated buildings and refuses to change course to reduce collateral damage, much like OVA Loni does-- however, he is significantly more resistant to being reasoned with than she is, and never has any moments of doubt or regret.

Walid and Abbas have very little agency. I can't remember a single notable line of dialogue from either of them, nor any traits that differentiate them. They're just kind of there in the background, usually doing whatever what Mahdi tells them to do.

All of these characters are explicitly Muslim in the novels.

One of the very first things we're told about Mahdi is that he has multiple wives and many children, but that Loni and her siblings are the 'purest' of his bloodline. We learn this after the destruction of the Federation submarine, while he tells them not to look away from the blood and entrails of the enemies they just killed. We later learn that he harbours a deep grudge not only against the Federation, but specifically against "White Men" -- he usually calls them Franks in Japanese.

I hate this character. I was so relieved when I heard they removed him from the anime. Most important call they made in the entire production, I think.

(The fan translation incorrectly translates "multiple wives and many children" as "many wives and many concubines," so English readers get an even worse first impression, by the way. I made sure to check everything I'm going to complain about in this section so I'm not slandering Fukui for the translator's mistakes.)

Mahdi talks about his religion quite a bit, but he's not portrayed as a religious extremist. He is not a fundamentalist. He doesn't seem to believe his quest for vengeance is something he is divinely commanded to do, although he certainly believes it is morally justified. He's completely fine with his unveiled daughter driving on her own to go pick up two unrelated, non-Muslim men (but he definitely expects her to give him lots of Muslim grandchildren).

His grievances with the Federation don't involve any particular hostility to secularism. He is angry about the Federation officially saying God is dead at the start of the Universal Century, and about the extraction of wealth from Muslim countries that he believes was an intentional destruction of Islamic society-- but I think those are entirely different issues.

You could try to make calls on whether this choice, or any other individual choice made about this character, is less or more offensive than the alternative-- but I think it's beside the point.

Mahdi isn't a Muslim because Islam is specifically important to his motivations; Mahdi is a Muslim because of what that is supposed to represent to the audience. Mahdi is a Muslim because because of the symbol of the Muslim terrorist in the global consciousness, and because Fukui wanted to invoke imagery of 9/11. His character is inherently a bit incoherent, because he's an amalgam of stereotypes about The Other.

I get the feeling a significant part of the research process for this character was looking at the wikipedia page for Osama Bin Laden. I assume Fukui made him less militantly religious than obvious real-life inspirations either because he believed it would be less controversial, or because it meant he wouldn't have to do as much research about Islam.

The through-line from the better-handled themes of the first five books that eventually leads to the terrible destination of Mahdi Garvey is pretty easy to see. It was deeply, deeply frustrating for me to get invested in the way the series acknowledged and engaged with global structural racism (even when it occasionally got a little clumsy or heavy-handed), only for it to drop this on me six books in.

I actually think this mess of a character was probably intended to be a complex, terrible-but-understandable antagonist? I'm completely serious. That's the whole reason it works to transpose his general motivations onto Loni, after removing all the stereotypes and real-world cultural references.

Mahdi is textually compared to Zinnerman (vengeance for the deaths of loved ones and injustice and violence against one's people), and Zinnerman is obviously framed as sympathetic. Mahdi pretty much has the same kind of backstory framework, just with "Muslims" instead of the fictional "Zeon."

Mahdi is also explicitly textually compared to Alberto (inheritor of an established family legacy and all the pressure that entails). Alberto is complicated, but I think he's also a sympathetic antagonist.

And then there's the very first character we meet in the novels, Syam. Syam is also a man from the Middle East who was negatively affected by the Federation's cultural imperialism, and Syam also participates in a terrorist attack. There's even a mention that the guys who recruited him were infiltrating religious institutions, though Syam was not brought in that way, and the religions in question are left unspecified.

Maybe you're wondering why I was so annoyed that Syam's backstory was removed, given I'm glad that Mahdi's was cut. The way they're handled is significantly different.

When he participates in the attack on Laplace, Syam is a nobody with rational motivations to do something awful. His backstory is there to talk about the material conditions and pressures that foment terrorism, including terrorism targeting oppressive governments, and the ways that powerful people take advantage of the desperate.

Mahdi is arguably sort of also that, but it's delivered through the lens of a deranged islamophobic caricature. lol

Syam's story is also a lot vaguer than Mahdi's, when it comes to real-world details. I'm sure there are criticisms one could make of that, too, but I still believe it's preferable in this case. The more you increase the specificity of real-world details in your future scifi world, the more knowledge or personal experience with the subject you need to pull it off convincingly.

Also, Syam not being white made our protagonist explicitly multiracial by extension, which I liked.

(Perhaps interesting: Loni seems to think of Banagher as being within the category of "Frank", but I'm pretty sure Mahdi identified him on sight as someone with "non-Western" heritage. This does not lead him to treat Banagher with any more respect or courtesy, however. Calling Banagher "the Key to the Box" is significantly more dehumanizing in his mouth than Loni's.)

Here's a quote that I think represents Mahdi at his most understandable and humanized. It happens right before he has the Shamblo blow up a hotel full of people out of spite, lmao:

Loni ignored her two brothers who were unable to speak up as she got up from her seat and gave a tense look at her father. Mahdi took her stare “Loni, [those people mocked me].” ... “[A barbarian] who’ll only imitate the white men on the surface, but [still hangs a knife on his waist]…that’s how those people viewed me. Whether it’s the receptionist, the [doorman], or any guest that brushed by, I can tell from their eyes even if they wouldn’t say it. Those people sold their souls to the society of white men, no matter the color of the skin. To those people, we’re just caged animals, pitiful beasts that are reared in the zoo to exchange for the self-satisfaction of a multi-cultural society.” Am I crazy? Mahdi asked himself in a corner of his mind, Then let me go crazy. and then answered his own question as he looked away from the speechless Loni. Father, grandfather, Loni’s mother, they all died in despair and hatred. I could only keep living to vent the regrets of those souls. I interacted with top-class education and culture in those white men’s society, and continued to be an alien that hated them. I tasted the feelings of bitterness, deceit and infidelity, I lived through such a life full of oxymorons, and it’s to be expected that I’ll lose my mind, but it’s all for this day. What should I do if I don’t unleash my madness? Who’s the one causing me to go mad!?

(I made edits to his dialogue here to more closely match the Japanese. The original fan translation said "those people used to mock us," and continued to use plural throughout the explanation, but the original line refers specifically to himself. I'm pretty sure it's specifically about when he was recently there, for his meeting with Banagher and Zinnerman.)

Again, the revenge narrative is basically the same thing we get from Zinnerman. And that part about feeling alienated from whiteness and being looked-down upon even as a highly educated, culturally assimilated person-- that's a real experience of racism! I've heard this sentiment from people in real life!

The problem is that Fukui put that sentiment in the mouth of a character who's a mishmash of stereotypes based on cultural fears that the non-Muslim world has about Muslim men.

The problem is that the only explicitly Muslim characters in this series exist to be terrorists in a heavy-handed 9/11 reference.

Another side note: the bit about the knife. Mahdi carries around a shamshir. When it was first mentioned I was just like "okay, he has a sword. Maybe it's a family heirloom or something." When Banagher notices it, he interprets it as representing racial / cultural pride as a person from the Middle East. Okay.

Fukui knows most of the obvious things about Islam. He knows about daily prayers, and that Muslim women often cover their hair and dress modestly. He knows that idolatry is a sin. He knows that Muslims are not wholly uniform in beliefs and practices. He knows the phrase "inshallah". I'm skeptical about his familiarity with the contents of the Quran beyond that, or the concepts of sunnah / hadith, or the differences between any specific major branches of Islam.

("Inshallah" comes up because Full Frontal says it as an ostensible gesture of cultural respect and cooperation, and Mahdi begrudgingly responds in kind with "Sieg Zeon". Hm.)

There's a bit where Loni gives an explanation to Banagher that liberal Muslims exist, which I guess might be necessary for an audience unfamiliar with Islam. It doesn't feel much like the kind of explanation an actual Muslim woman would give when asked why she doesn't cover her hair and/or face, though. It also immediately gets used as an excuse to scare Banagher with an example of supposed fundamentalist Muslim beliefs (basically, 'if I had been from one of those groups, seeing my looks would mean you either have to marry me or be executed').

Sorry to keep going on asides, but I actually recently watched a youtube video that contrasted Fukui's use of Islam in Unicorn with Ohtagaki's use of Buddhism in Thunderbolt. Since I'm currently reading the Thunderbolt manga, I thought it was interesting.

It amused me a little how the essayist skirts around specifically calling Unicorn's portrayal offensive or bigoted, instead settling for calling it "cringe."

You get the picture, right? I'm sure I could keep dredging up more examples, but I'll move on to how the events play out.

The Shamblo attacks the city as planned. Mahdi is bloodthirsty and vengeful, Loni is troubled, and the brothers are just kind of there. Mahdi has the Shamblo deliberately blow up an unrelated hotel.

Riddhe is flying around, witnessing everyone exploding and having a nervous beakdown about it. Mahdi refuses to change course to reduce civilian casualties when Loni asks.

Banagher fights Zinnerman, launches in the Unicorn, and saves Riddhe from getting crumpled like an empty soda can. Riddhe starts carrying Banagher around so they can do sick aerial stunts.

Then Mahdi has the Shamblo attack "The Trade Center." Fuck off, Fukui. You hack.

Since Loni is hooked into the psycommu, she hears all the deaths as they happen. This is finally too much for her, and she pulls off the helmet and begs her father to stop. Enraged, Mahdi yells at Loni about her mother's death.

The exposition here feels very awkward. Mahdi just drops this story on the reader at the last minute while chastising Loni, who obviously already knew about it. This really didn't need to be treated like a reveal.

“We should have expressed our thoughts sufficiently. I learned that Allah has a merciful and understanding heart. if we continue to massacre, we’ll be defying God.” She climbed up the ladder beside the seat and approached the captain’s seat. “What are you doing? Get back to your seat.” Mahdi growled, but Loni ignored him as she approached. “There are women and children on the Federation streets too. Father, please show mercy…” “Shut up! Did you forget how your mother died!?” [...] “Your mother killed a Federation soldier in the midst of the chaos after the war. She killed a despicable soldier who intended to rape a Muslim female in a refugee camp. The jury was completely one-sided, your mother was sentenced to death, and I couldn’t do anything to save her. I could only let your mother die all just to protect the trust of the company, all just to protect the cursed inheritance as a “Descendant of Dubai”! I endured everything all for the sake of this moment. I’m going to use this “Shamblo” to wreck the parliament hall and prompt all the Muslims to rise up. Our family’s tragic wish will be fulfilled soon, and now even you want to betray me?” The tears rolled down his suddenly widened eyes, dampening his face. This isn’t father. It’s impossible for such a man to be my father. Loni thought, but felt that this might be the first time she was seeing her father’s true state, ...

Realizing she cannot change his mind, Loni pulls a gun on her father. However, he pulls out his own gun and shoots her instead. As she loses consciousness, she reaches out to Banagher with her mind.

The Shamblo's bits are no longer effective without Loni controlling them. Hearing Loni's dying voice telling him to take down the machine, Banagher destroys the Shamblo.

Loni's brothers start arguing with Mahdi after he shoots Loni, but that doesn't save them by leading to a change of heart. They die alongside him in the cockpit.

Who is Loni?

Obviously, Loni is a Lalah archetype. She's one of at least three slightly different Lalah allusions in these books, which is kind of a lot, but I do like that one of them is a man.

Both versions of Loni's death scene have references to Lalah's dialogue in First Gundam ("I finally got to meet you," "It's sad, isn't it?").

Her eyes in the novel are green, also like Lalah. Because of her eye colour, Banagher mentally compares her to Audrey, and also... to his mom. The joke writes itself.

Banagher has significantly more face-to-face interaction with Loni in the novel than the OVA. Because of this, his relationship to her is more personal, at least before they get into each other's heads.

Novel Loni is knowledgeable, patient, and fond of children. She tells Banagher she wants to have ten kids.

She's a nice girl, I guess. It's not really possible to divorce her portrayal as a character from the portrayal of her father, Islam, and Muslims generally. The logic is built into her. I much prefer the character the OVA gave us.

They didn't have to change her character in order to remove the references to Islam. They could have just as easily kept Mahdi as the antagonist while making the Muslims-Zeon swap. I do like what they did, though.

By taking her father's role while also still retaining some of her own, Loni becomes even more central to her arc. She gets to be the primary antagonist and the person that Banagher wants to save. I think it's cool.

Like I said before, I try to avoid getting too deep into spoilers for later novels, but Loni's death in the novel has a number of things in common with the death of another female character that happens later. They're a little too similar for me. I'm sure it's an intentional parallel, but there's not enough contrast for me to find it juicy... I just don't think the narrative actually needs two different female characters to heroically sacrifice themselves so a male character can feel sad about shooting them. Of the two, Loni was the better choice for a rewrite, since this arc needed one anyway.

She still dies, obviously, and Banagher is still sad. There's even still a Lalah callback-- but it's a distinctly different kind of tragedy than the one that happens later. Barring any unexpected future changes, I personally think it's an improvement.

Look! A major theme!

Loni's father is still a presence in the OVA, in much the same way Loni's grandparents were for Mahdi in the novel. This is a story about ghosts of the past.

Tying Loni's rampage in the anime to a runaway psycommu is an interesting difference, especially given she says "Father?" right before it goes haywire. There's almost an insinuation that the machine is possessed.

This works as a metaphor, but if Mahdi was the previous pilot it could theoretically be literal, in much the same way that Neo Zeon managed to get some kind of Essence of Char from the Sazabi's Psycho-Frame when they created Frontal. Mahdi also presumably still developed and built the Shamblo, whether he piloted it or not.

"That isn't her, she's being enslaved."

Loni does describe her father as being swallowed or consumed by the machine in the novel, and she also describes the Shamblo itself as a force "leading people down the wrong path". I definitely interpreted this as metaphorical, though. Loni was the only one with her brain actually hooked into the psycommu.

They did a good job emphasizing the weight of family history as a theme in the OVA. The hands that reach down and pull Banagher's psychic projection away from her face! Again, I love the potential implications.

It's possible there's supplemental information or interviews about this somewhere, but I kind of prefer not having specific lore explanations behind what's happening in these scenes. I like the ambiguity.

Another interesting detail about OVA Loni is the explicit statement of "there's nothing left for me" / "there's no place for me" as a reason why she cannot stop.

This isn't part of her character in the novel, nor Mahdi's, even if loss and being consumed by revenge obviously is. I really like that it adds another connection to Zinnerman and Flaste's dialogue about how they felt after Globe.

I can't stop thinking about how easily I could draw a compelling parallel between the OVA version of Loni and the novel version Riddhe. They simply do not exist in the same universe. They both only ever passingly overhear the less interesting version of each other-- assuming they even notice the other as an individual at all, rather than just an enemy machine.

It's sad, isn't it?

I really like this visual. The hand motif strikes again...

The novel ends with Riddhe and Banagher both knocked out by the Banshee. It also reveals that Marida is the pilot, since Banagher senses her presence. The OVA places its cliffhanger a little earlier, right after the initial reveal.

I'm excited to watch the next one. We've hit the point where I feel like I'm starting to lose my "advantage", so to speak, in terms of knowing what's coming. It's exciting! I enjoy watching these a lot. Even when I dislike a change, I still like thinking and writing about it.

Sorry for the sheer length of this beast, and a huge thank you to the handful of dedicated Unicorn fans following me who are always excited and encouraging. Knowing anyone out there gets something out of these makes my day, and I appreciate your thoughtful responses. ✌️

I'm so glad to be done with novel six. Holy shit.

[anistarrose]

I saw your(?) post (reblog?) on “underutiilzing” criticism and how it pertains to traditionally published literature (which yeah, it’s a whole different medium honestly, and should be treated as such!), and it made me think of a tangentially related question. In fanfiction— on ao3 specifically, but it might be in other places as well— it’s fairly common to have AU series works be a variation of short stories and longer stories. The series might be organized based on plot progression (there being a singular plot, theme, or set of character arcs that progress with each installment), or just works organized in thematic order that build off each other/reference past works in the series for events, characters, worldbuilding, etc. It’s something I really enjoy about AU series on ao3 because the author gets to explore exactly what they want to, and can skip around considerable amounts of chronological time in their own continuity to do so, even as they don’t have to cut themselves short OR add unnecessary scenes that could get in the way of the story they /want/ to tell just to hit a page/word count.

My question is: is there an analogue for this style in the traditional publishing world? One where you can mix short stories and straight up novels together in one linear continuity, and have them all be published in the same series (not like, as the “main” books and then a short story collection on the side)? I would love to read/write (one day!) a series where the first book is a traditional sorta book that sets up the characters, world, general plot, etc., with the rest being a mix between longer and shorter works that show off snapshots of the world the characters inhabit (and still continue with character arcs and the plot n the like). Or is this series structure only possible in the context of online fan spaces/ao3 and the like?

(Apologies if this is a complicated question— I know it’s a lot— but I’m interested in any thoughts you might have! Also FYI “like a song that won’t leave your head” is STILL making me emotional I am NOT over it and by the last two chapters you had me desperately hoping the Johann you wrote was gonna defy canon and then he didn’t but like it was so much better that way and every time I think about that last chapter I just lose it again, I WILL write a real comment at some point)

That's an interesting question, and I'm putting it out for my followers because I can't think of any examples other than the main story/short story collection. But I agree with you, it's a style of fic series I've really enjoyed. Someone who knows better than me about publishing could probably speak to whether this is something publishing companies would be skittish about (I wouldn't be shocked if this is just, like, something that book deals/contracts are never designed for). Which is a shame because yeah, it's very fun!

(also no rush with the comments but much love for everything you've said about that fic! as a character study enthusiast — who flexed those character study muscles hard all throughout that piece — I can think of no higher praise than the fact that working within canon was what made the ending stick!)

[crazykuroneko]

My ★★★½ review of Interview with the Vampire on Letterboxd https://boxd.it/4HWSYf

So, it's out, folks. Just FYI, the last time I watched the movie was on HBO probably a decade ago, when I was deep in my vampire phase. Now, when I reviewed it, I tried my best to differentiate POV of a casual viewer and of someone who knows the novel's major plot. That review above is from a casual viewer's eye, but as a fan of the franchise, I'd give it only 3 star, and yes, it's mostly because of the writing.

As I said in that review, the script focusing more on fulfilling plot points did a disservice on the characters, and a lot of them is on Louis.

The script - whether it's the things it doesn't include, or the things that have been changed - makes film Louis a shadow of book Louis. You see him tortured by feeding on humans, but the movie doesn't show you why. They only gave you one short line to Lestat, something "sorry I still care about humanity" or something. It doesn't show that it's tied to his Catholic guilt or something more convincing. And you still have him as a slaver here, that definitely doesn't help people to sympathize with him. It's such that when Armand says "you're beautiful because you reflect your era" etc etc I was taken aback, because the first half doesn't depict his struggle as something beautiful. It makes him looking like a whining student, you're wondering why Lestat putting up with him. And they also took out the unhinged aspect of Louis' personality: e.g. attacking a priest, staying with Armand. When you don't know the book, it does look satisfying how Louis left Armand, but that also cut a lot of what makes Louis Louis imo. Like, a lot of things on Louis' characteristics don't make any sense due to these erasure and changes.

The script does favor Lestat and his actor's a lot. It doesn't show how controlling Lestat could be, while in the book there are moments where Louis and Claudia are really afraid of him. Cruise also got these scenes where he could show his range as an actor (really like his microexpressions when Claudia is about to kill him)

All of these make the NOLA era feels camp, but Paris era is really Gothic. You don't want tone changing like that in your movie 😭

Also I don't really enjoy the male gaze (no wonder straights never thought Loustat are gay here, the boobs misdirected them). The victims are always shot in eroticly, but they really double down when it's a woman (and most of them are women). And that naked woman on the stage scene still upsets me. Yes, I know, that's the point yes. But they could have been more focused on the horror on her face. And this scene also badly stands out because the tone change: if it felt like Gothic horror from the start, I wouldn't have been that surprised.

Anyway, there's an essay could be made on the changes Anne did here and the consequences they have on the characters compared to the changes Rolin and Co have made. But I'll leave it to anyone who's better with words than me hah!

Lastly, let me make a controversial acting ranking:

Tom Cruise - indusputable, the script literally helps him

(Not 2nd, but more like 5th, the gap is that big) Brad Pitt - the script drags him down, he's pretty good in scenes without Cruise

Kristen Dusnt - age handicap would put her above Pitt, but there are lines that I feel too "heavy" for her, and that's definitely not her fault. She has done a great job for someone in her age. Still a queen shit

Christian Slater - his character is so limited but he made it work. he has that banter chemistry with Pitt. But didn't really capture Daniel's out-of-his-mind at the end

Antonio Banderas - if I didn't know this should be The Armand, perhaps he would've been higher, but he's not my Armand, sorry. He's charming, but there's no an inch of seducer in his Armand. His whole plot makes him looking like a loser 😭

[litsnobconfessions]

A Year of Animation Day 26: The Last Unicorn

Date: January 26, 2025

Day: 26

Content Watched: The Last Unicorn

Year: 1982

Rating: G

Run Time: 1 hr. 32 mins.

My first encounter with The Last Unicorn was via one of my favorite authors, Patrick Rothfuss, who has repeatedly cited it as his favorite book and worked alongside author Peter S. Beagle (among others) and Lee Moyer to produce a fantasy literary pin-up calendar in 2012 (this is my favorite calendar I've ever owned. I bought two copies, and I want Lee Moyer to make all my calendars from now on. His art is that pretty.)

I read the book back in 2012 and learned of the existence of the film adaptation from a co-worker who had grown up with. From a brief conversation, I determined that it was a pretty faithful adaptation (likely because Beagle wrote the screenplay) and followed up the book with the film. So this is one of those 1980s films for which I pushed back my definition of "modern animation" a decade. And it is definitely an 80's movie. If nothing else tips you off, the music should. (But also, the line about narwhals lost at sea? Is that foreshadowing? Because it sounds a lot like foreshadowing.)

I will say, there wasn't anything in particular that jumped out at me about the animation (I just watched Loving Vincent, so sue me), but I did find the color scheme very appropriate to the story. I liked the really bright saturated colors, especially in the forest, at the beginning of the story moving into darker tones as the plot went on. One particular piece of animation I liked was the passage of time as the unicorn searched for the others. I also liked the animation of the red bull, which looks like its on fire, and is genuinely pretty scary. I feel like I also need to mention that this movie has a stellar cast.

Storywise, Schmendrick is probably my favorite character. I think I just like wizards who aren't very good (I did watch all of Netflix's The Worst Witch the day it was released and watched it again the following day.) I also don't remember if the magic words he uses are in the book or not, but I did enjoy that there was an in-world magic language. But Molly Grue, like most Mollies, has a special place in my heart because she shares my name.

I also like the unicorn herself, for her kindness and... well, purity I guess. I like that frees the harpy, even though it might have attacked her and that she puts her faith in Schmendrick even though he's not very good at magic (but seriously, why didn't he just lead with the keys?) But the unicorn also brings with her this theme of not seeing things for what or who they really are, which of course, turns out to be part of the solution to finding the other unicorns. But it also feels timely. I also think there's a lot to say of the implication that humans enjoy being fooled.

Speaking of timely themes, greed shows up as well. Obviously we see it with the king at the end, who it doesn't work out so well for. But we also see with it with Mommy Fortuna who is so desperate for power all she care about is knowing that she captured and held a harpy against its will for some period of time, even though it will kill her when it escapes. (I dunno, I think I would take living over being enternally loathed by an immortal being, even if she does have a cool tree-trunk hat.)

I feel like the theme of greed even shows up in that very first scene, when the two hunters decide to go hunting in a different wood. One of hunters recognizes that the forest they're in is special and magical and... protected. But it must be the last unicorn because there's nowhere left in the world like that. It actually reminds me of a line in Mary Stewart's Wildfire at Midnight, when the characters talk about how scaling Everest if the beginning of the end.

Finally, I stumbled across a hilarious review on Rotten Tomatoes in which a person with no knowledge of English mechanics freaks out because they think the unicorn says she's not a whore. FYI. She says she's not a horse. Because she's not. She's a unicorn.

Also, this movie has tacos.

[patroclusdefencesquad]

my top 5 queer book recommendations from 2023 (in no particular order) because why not

(note : yes, these are all mlm, and yes that upsets me. i did read a lot of wlw this year but they were mainly um. of the trashy romance novel variety. sue me. i do have some actual wlw recs if anyone wants them, i just didn't enjoy them as much as the books on this list. it is my goal to read more wlw in 2024 though so if anyone has any recommendations!)

allie therin, magic in manhattan series/roaring twenties series

this is probably my favourite new series i've read this year! there's supernatural and magic powers, but ones that are a bit different to what we usually see (the main character in magic in manhattan, for example, can see history from touching an object), the characters and relationships are all well written, and the plot is very engaging! it's literally gays magic and the 1920s, what's not to love! arthur is a complete simp, rory is cinamon roll who could actually kill you, there's a diverse cast of characters, and the author touches upon relevant issues of the time, like homophobia, racism, immigration, class differences etc. absolutely recommend, as well as the spin off series with arthur's dickhead/not a dickhead ex and a bad guy who's not actually a bad guy.

foz meadows, a strange and stubborn endurance

i purchased this book at a queer bookshop in york that made me so happy to be in i would have loved any book i bought but this one is especially wonderful. arranged marriage where one guy (vel) was meant to marry the other guys (cae) sister, but after being caught in a "compromising" position in a country where that isn't allowed, he ends up marrying the brother. byzantine inspired setting, and an excellent plot which is perfectly paced alongside the growing relationship between the characters. the relationship itself is beautifully written, with the characters navigating the effects of sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, and betrayal, to create, as foz meadows says, "a narrative of healing." also fyi, caethari aeduria, thee man of all time.

k.d edwards, the tarot sequence

i read this like 6 months ago so bear with me, but i remember being pleasantly surprised by this one! i read the first book several years ago and wasn't too keen, i remember finding certain scenes too graphically written (there are scenes of sexual assault depicted), and so i was a little apprehensive trying this series again, but i loved it! the scenes of assault are quite graphic, so be cautious of that, but overall the series is once again one of healing for the character. there's platonic soulmates that are never put to the side in favour of the romantic plotline, but also a love interest that is fully supportive of whatever the main character, rune, needs. again, it's been a while since i read this one but as far as i can remember : magic and spells, modern atlantis setting, accidently adopting kids with your platonic soulmate bestie, ride or die love interest. the series is still being released as far as i'm aware so i'm sure i'll reread soon if you want more information lmao.

natasha siegel, solomon's crown

"a romance novel between richard the lionheart and philip ii of france, wtf how good could that be 🙄" i cried. i cried so much reading this. this is such a beautiful novel. i need more books like this, where the author goes "fuck history this is what i wanted to write so you can go shove it", but that's besides the point. i can't even explain what it is about this book but it has the line "and went to war with a man whose hips were still inscribed with the shadow of my fingertips" so like. if that's not enough for you i don't know what else to say.

k.j charles, the gentle art of fortune hunting

listen, i'll be honest, k.j charles was my guilty pleasure author this year. i read spectred isle, and bought slippery creatures from that bookshop in york and thought, you know, they were alright. wasn't particularly attached to the characters, the plot was often set aside in favour of relationship development that even then i thought didn't work as well as it could, and the sex scenes themselves had me going "what tf are they even doing" (i have a list of these moments), but they were entertaining. i planned on going through this author like i did the mills and boon from my local library. and then i read gentle art of fortune hunting and like what the fuck this one is actually good??? the characters are better written, the relationship actually works, there's some wonderful scenes regarding consent like?? and it's regency period?? even better?? so yeah, it's definitely a guilty pleasure read and it's no great work of literature and the author cannot pace their relationships but honestly, i kind of loved it?? this and band sinister are definitely worth a read in my opinion.

bonus recommendation : nightrunner series. by lynn flewelling. obviously.

i didn't read this series for the first time this year i didn't even read this for the first time last year but i will recommend this book series with my dying breath. it has everything. magic. spies. gays. badass women. yearning. angst. there's 7 books and the first time i read this series i spent every one with my heart racing convinced there was going to be a sad ending but lynn flewelling always delivers. i've read each book several times now and i will read them again. my ultimate comfort series. the relationship between seregil and alec is so wonderfully written and considering the first 3 books were written in the 90s, it makes me tear up. i'm reading it again right now tbh at any given point in time i am probably reading one of these books.

those of us who keep book logs via storygraph or goodreads etc how many books have you read this year and how many of them were queer? i'll go first i read 72 and 46 of them were lgbtqia+ 🫡

[h0ney-mochi]

MASTERLIST- things I've written

Current works/drabbles/scenarios/ect I've written! Also fyi, I've probably left some scenarios/ect in my tags, but they're not on the masterlist so

Some of my writing gets a community label WHICH FUCKING SUCKS ASS.. but I can't do anything about it ):

Smut/nsfw/suggestive (🍵) ;; fluff/sfw works (🍒)

— SCARAMOUCHE / WANDERER ⤵

"Admit it, it's jealousy." 🍵 → ao3 tumblr (sub scara, begging, praise, making out) Chapter 2 yet to release

7 minutes in heaven (unfinished) 🍵 (sub scara, suggestive, start of handjob, making out)

"Reward for good work." 🍵 (dom scara, oral (m!receiving), dacryphilia, reader gets called princess)

Scenario written while listening to Oxytocin 🍵 (dom scara, making out, degrading, biting, small mention of blood)

Random scenario in a bathroom 🍵 (making out, handjob)

Small snippet of Admit It, It's Jealousy 🍵 (sub scara, making out)

Giving hickeys to Scara /thirst/random drabble or less 🍵 (sub scara, biting, marking)

Missing your touch 🍒 — Scaramouche, Xiao (req)

Jerk off drabble, more or less 🍵 (sub scara, making out, handjob)

Fed up with scara /thirst 🍵 (sub scara, making out, choking)

Kuni comes across a scene in a book? 🍵 (making out, suggestive at the end)

You work in the fatui at a pharmacy, yet your assistants always end up bad, and he sees you throw them out! 🍒 (mention of readers' assistant making out with someone)

Reassuring Scara during it 🍵 (sub trans!scara, gn!reader, reader has a dick/strap-on, soft?) (req/from ask box)

He gets jealous when you spend sm time with Kaeya, so you fuck it outta him 🍵 (sub scara, gn!reader, reader has a dick/strap-on, degradation) (req)

He knows you're staring again 🍒 (req/from ask box)

Kitty Scara in heat and needs your help? 🍵 (slight somno, jerking off, 'kitty' nickname) (req)

Scara begs you to fuck him because you finished first? 🍵 (sub scara, biting, grinding, slight begging) (req)

Overstimulation as punishment! 🍵 — Wanderer, Xiao (overstimulation, marking/biting, blindfold, begging, dacryphilia sorta on wanderer's, reader shoves fingers in xiao's mouth lol, rather short scenarios) (req)

Scaramouche coming home from a 2month long mission to meet you humping a pillow, huh? 🍵 (soft dom!scaramouche, fem!reader/afab!reader, reader humping a pillow, some praise, fingering, riding, reader gets called good girl) (req/from ask box)

Supporting him from under the desk! ♡ 🍵 (all characters mentioned here are streamers lol, gamer!scaramouche / streamer!scaramouche, oral sex (m!receiving) / blowjob, semi-public (?) well he is streaming and also in a call, soooo—) (from ask box/req)

Jerking them off and praising them 🍵 — Scaramouche, Childe (dom!reader, sub!scaramouche, sub!childe, praise, jerking off ofc, short scenarios aaahhh) (req)

Oh, Dear Valentine of mine. 🍵 (sort of soft? scaramouche, top!scaramouche, bottom!reader, too long intro, it's just seggs bro) (entry for mutuals' collab event)

bratty!Scaramouche x soft dom reader 🍵 (bratty!sub!scaramouche, afab!scara, soft dom!reader, fingering, praise, mirror involved ig) (req)

Hc's/scenario of how Scara would treat you when you have your period 🍒 (fem!reader / afab!reader, reader is on their period, Scara's a little confused) (req)

Scaramouche finds you on the bottom floor, hiding from him bc you're experiencing brainrot sort of 🍵 (modern ?, not fatui, scara spits in your mouth, reader is down bad)

Wanderer being a little sh/t to you, so you overstimulate him 🍵 (sub!Wanderer, dom! reader, overstimulation, begging) (req)

afab!Scaramouche x gn!reader 🍵 (sub!scaramouche, afab!scara, dom!reader, fingering, begging, squirting, tying up, orgasm denial, he kind of starts crying) (req)

— ALBEDO ⤵

Edging/denial scenario 🍵 (sub albedo, edging, begging)

You wake him up, but he wants to help /idea 🍵 (slight somno (?), making out)

Calling Albedo for help in one of your experiments.. with a toy dick? 🍵 (sub albedo, toy usage, slight praise and degradation) (req)

—KAEDEHARA KAZUHA ⤵

Short Scenario 🍵 (implied sub kazuha, handjob)

— XIAO ⤵

You moan his name and he appears..? 🍵 (fem!reader/afab, masturbation, eating out)

Missing your touch 🍒 (req) — Scaramouche, Xiao

Sucking him off during lantern rite~ 🍵 (oral seggs (m!receiving) / blowjob, praise, semi-public (?)) (req)

You summon him on purpose while touching yourself 🍵 (afab reader, touching yourself/masturbation, Xiao goes down on you) (req/from ask box)

You give him a little gift for being so supportive of you! 🍵 (fem!reader/afab, idol!reader, sub!fanboy!xiao, soft dom!reader, praise, pegging, not too much nsfw tbh) (req)

Overstimulation as punishment! 🍵 — Wanderer, Xiao (overstimulation, marking/biting, blindfold, begging, dacryphilia sorta on wanderer's, reader shoves fingers in xiao's mouth lol, rather short scenarios) (req)

Bodyguard!Xiao x reader 🍵 (sub!bodyguard!xiao, dom!reader, fingering (m!receiving), praise, dacryphilia ? well he kinda tears up ig) (req)

sub!Xiao x dom afab!reader 🍵 (sub!xiao, dom!reader, afab!reader, first time, riding, dacryphilia, praise) (req)

— TIGHNARI ⤵

He helps u relax after a long day! 🍵 (making out, soft sorta, biting)

— TARTAGLIA/CHILDE ⤵

Jerking them off and praising them 🍵 — Scaramouche, Childe (dom!reader, sub!scaramouche, sub!childe, praise, jerking off ofc, short scenarios aaahhh) (req)

— MULTIPLE CHARACTERS (in one)

Missing your touch 🍒 (req) — Scaramouche, Xiao

Overstimulation as punishment! 🍵 — Wanderer, Xiao (overstimulation, marking/biting, blindfold, begging, dacryphilia sorta on wanderer's, reader shoves fingers in xiao's mouth lol, rather short scenarios) (req)

Jerking them off and praising them 🍵 — Scaramouche, Childe (dom!reader, sub!scaramouche, sub!childe, praise, jerking off ofc, short scenarios aaahhh) (req)

— IMAGINE WHOEVER?

Drabble, more or less 🍵 (sub character, dom reader, suggestive. Character in mind: scara)

Drabble, more or less [2] 🍵 (dom character, sub reader, nsfw. Character in mind: kazuha)

—> Others are yet to appear !

[burnin0akleaves]

Will Treaty for the character ask

Oh you KNOW thats what I was dying to ramble about. And I mean it, this post ended up being VERY long ahdbfjbdjd sorry not sorry.

First impression: I read the series in middle grade first so I don't remember what my exact first impression was? But I'm pretty sure I found him relatable in Ruins of Gorlan, and then I thought he got cooler with every new book. I was a kid that didn't go outside a lot so reading about him travelling to different countries and having an important role to play in each new mission was extremely impressive to me. Funnily enough, I don't think he became my favourite character until I got to TRR, Horace took that role at first.

Impression now: Oh I think all of you know.

Favorite moment: I'm not sure if I have a singular favourite moment, so I'll go through a few really quickly.

In book 2 while the Skandians are leaving on the ship, Will actually gets a chance to escape. There is a brief moment where no eyes are on him and he acknowledges that if he jumped right now, he could probably swim back to shore easily. But then he remembers Cassandra, and decides to stay. Thats honestly such a huge fucking sacrifice to make, and he was a child at the time too! No one would blame him if he took the opportunity to escape, but Will would just never do that. When it's a choice between the people he loves most and his own well-being, he always chooses others first. No matter how scared he might be.

Speaking of fear, another scene I love is when Will is getting taunted by Ruhl. Like, the book acknowledges that Will is actually feeling scared shitless that Ruhl will burn him alive, and that he has to actively hold himself back from reacting when the man pretends to drop the torch. He even ends up letting out a sigh of relief when he finally backs off. But throughout the whole thing, he manages to keep all of it inside and doesn't emote anything. That takes so much self-control.

Also quick shoutout to how sassy he is when Ruhl's men overpower him. "Glad to hear it, pity I missed you."???? Slay.

And one last scene I gush over a lot is in Escape From Falaise; where Will decides that if the worst happens and they run out of time, he will make sure Maddie escapes and then face the wrath of the Baron alone. Again, selfless sacrifice. What a man.

Idea for a story: I'll be honest, I want to watch Will and Gilan fight. This has been trapped in some little part of my mind ever since the scene where Halt and Gilan confront Will at the start of book twelve, WHICH I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT FYI.

Maybe its a complicated situation where there is no right answer and Gilan has to be cold and collected because of his status as Commander while Will is passionate and wants to act as soon as possible. Both of them have understandable reasons for their side and its a situation where there is just no right answer, but Will is too passionate to let it go while Gilan is too responsible to bite more than he can chew at the time. So they fight. Really badly.

It ends up getting personal and at some point Will just drops his oakleaf and walks away. No one hears from him again for a really long time, including Maddie who had finished her training a few months ago. Gilan can't tell exactly what happened to anyone because the situation is something that needs to be kept secret, so everyone is in the dark about Will for a very long time.

A few years later Gilan has to go on a mission himself since the situation is dire and they need the best ranger they have. Halt is too old and Will is gone, so that leaves him. An unknown power is rising in a nearby country and threatening the king. This person's motives are unknown but according to this foreign king's word, they are extremely dangerous and need to be stopped immediately.

When Gilan arrives to take care of it, suprise suprise, its Will. Said king is a terrible person thats about to threaten all the neighbouring countries, so Will is hellbent on taking him down. Turns out in the years he was gone, Will had gained a lot of respect and power along with new friends. Gilan and Will fight, again.

In the middle of their fight they get ambushed and they have to fight side by side after so long. They handle it and end up having an emotional conversation where they hug each other and make up. Gilan learns more about the situation and realizes that while maaaybe willing to go a bit too far for it, Will is in the right. He also gets to know Will's new friends better and ends up liking them.

At this point Gilan has been gone for too long and the rest of the gang come to find him. They find him and they find Will. After everyone gets to have a reunion where the truth finally comes out, they work together and resolve the situation. I'm not sure whether Will goes back with them, refuses to go back to Araluen after he has made a life for himself in this new place, or abandons all things related to war and buys a remote cabin in the woods to live a peaceful life after that. But its one of those three. Also he has a second unnofficial apprentice and she and Maddie start dating after they have their own enemies to lovers arc.

Unpopular opinion: Sigh. The beard looks good on him and if you boil Will down to being Halt's son you're doing a disservice to his character, let it go, let him grow up.

Favorite relationship: I already wrote waaaay more than I should have so I'm going to ignore all family relationships and go straight for Alyss/Will/Horace/Evanlyn. "Godfather" my ass, you mean Maddie's parents call you babygirl.

Favorite headcanon: Eventually, Will goes out like his father Daniel. Surrounded by way too many enemies, putting an amazing last stand to save someone. I know this sounds angsty or whatever but honestly, I think a legendary man deserves to have a legendary death too. Him dying in bed peacefully of old age after everything he had to go through comes as a close second.

[themysteriousmacabre]

while I was re-reading the kotlc series, I might have noticed- THERE ARE SO MANY CLUES ABOUT WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN- HOW DO THEY NOT FIGURE IT OUT UNTIL THE LAST SECOND, IF AT ALL????

the book that i found to be interesting in this topic is Lodestar.

We all remember when Lumenaria fell. Right? Ok, good.

Now for those that don't remember, Gethen, Brant, and Ruy let themselves be imprisoned and then used outward channeling to crumble the castle.

Now that that's covered, I'm going to list a bunch of lines/scenes that hinted at the plan to bring down Lumenaria

I DONT OWN ANY OF THE QUOTED LINES FROM THE BOOK LODESTAR FYI

ALSO: i will list the page number for said lines, but it's from the paperback version so it may not line up if you have another version

So, let's start towards the middle of the book, where Sophie practices her outward channeling with her Coach.

page 421- "Coach Rohana tilted her head. "I suspect you could bring down a mountain if you sat in solitude long enough." "Why solitude?" Tam asked. "No distractions or activities to drain her reserve." This is vital information that helped me figure out the Neverseen's plan before it happened. This quote also drifted through Sophie's head as she felt the temors in the castle.

page 469-[talking about gethen]"He sat with his head bowed and his legs crossed, as if he'd been meditating..." HE WAS HE WAS well... kind of. he was filling his energy reserves so he'd be able to bring down the castle

page 471- [talking about gethen]"Clearly this meeting is going to be worth the energy I'm using..." He talks about his energy being depleted from the meeting, which when you reference what Coach Rohana told Sophie, exposed the fact that he was storing his energy for something aka outward channeling

page 476- [gethen speaking] "And I'll take my chances here, thank you very much. They're much better than you think." i want to scream rn. he literally is saying he enjoys being locked up in a cell with no way to feel the time pass, and running on such a messed up schedule that his body is deteriorating. they should have been more onto him after he said this

page 477- [gethen speaking] "And here's my question. Has the Peace Summit already occurred?" His question should have been another warning bell. Especially when he didn't get the specific answer he wanted, so he gave Sophie an unspecific answer.

page 561- [brant speaking to ruy] "Don't!"....."If you shield her, she can't burn." Sophie wasn't trapped in a force field, and Ruy didn't trap him and his fellow rebels in a force field because they wouldn't have been able to be arrested otherwise

page 592- [lady gisela speaking to sophie about getting keefe to leave the Neverseen] "....It's been in place for too long. So get my son back before it all comes crashing down." While this isn't a hint necessarily, it's great work on Shannon's part. Crashing down, and that's what happened to Lumenaria, that couldn't have been a coincidence.

page 635- [sophies thought while watching fintan's reaction to the ogre treaty being written quickly] "It would've been a relief-- If Fintan hadn't looked so stressed. Even Mr. Forkle seemed to notice." AAAAAA PLEASE WHY COULDNT THEY HAVE PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER FASTER

page 637: "The gala," Fintan whispered, so softly he probably thought no one could hear him." Fintan's relief that the leaders would be staying in the castle for the entire night should have definitely helped SOMEONE put two and two together. WHY ARE THEY SO SLOW OMGOSSH

*side note- it took me 30 minutes to research in the book and then write everything down so i got restless towards the end fo' sho' you can tell

[otnesse]

Just as an FYI, the 25th Anniversary Shinkawa Scenario Book for Peace Walker actually makes clear Portable Ops DID in fact happen in another manner: That opening scene where MSF was training at Barranquilla Camp? Kojima specifically intended for it to be set there to act as a bridge between Portable Ops and Peace Walker. I've even got the proof if you want it:

And if you still don't believe the tweet, I can assure you that there's archived versions of that book as well as MGS4's Scenario Book (which, BTW, also has a very explicit reference to Portable Ops in there as well, tied to one of the dialogues in fact):

Might as well also note that the line Miller gave was a bit more neutral in tone in the Japanese version. He said, and I quote, "Miller (Radio): サンヒエロニモとも縁が切れたし⋯" It translates essentially to we're no longer associated with San Hieronymo. He never disparaged the locale like he did in the English version. And from what I've heard, apparently the official Peace Walker guide book, which Kojima had a direct hand in creating in Japan, also made quite a few references to MPO.

And as far as the MGSV thing you referenced, even if it were true that it contradicted that game, let me point out MGSV contradicted a whole SLEW of games due to Kojima really going overboard with retcons. Let's not forget, going by MGSV's overall story and a key plot point where Big Boss was in a coma for nine years (AND said coma started in 1975), there was simply no way he COULD have saved Gray Fox during Vietnamization (aka, Gray Fox's backstory from the MSX2 games). And that's not getting into how Venom Snake (who does technically have Big Boss's memories) is shown to have no belief in ESP despite Big Boss being believing enough of The Sorrow's ESP to be shaken by his words during his encounter with him in Snake Eater, meaning that line not only contradicted MPO, but even Snake Eater. Heck, XOF's entire EXISTENCE, much less The End being autopsied went against what Snake Eater EXPLICITLY stated. Don't even get me started on Psycho Mantis. And let's not forget, Ground Zeroes actually managed to contradict Peace Walker's second ENDING if we're to go that far (Miller in that ending made it very clear he not only knew Paz was an agent of Cipher, but was in on her scheme. In Ground Zeroes, when recalling the day she first arrived, he talked as if he himself was tricked by her story.). Even managed to technically contradict itself at one point: The tapes for Ground Zeroes made it very clear that Strangelove had already left Mother Base about a week before they even GOT the first IAEA inspection request, much less well before the actual inspection, and that Miller made the call due to feeling that AI has hit a dead end (Big Boss was unaware due to being off on a mission that time). In The Phantom Pain, however, Miller's recollection had him instead indicate Strangelove left on the eve of the inspection and also ended up implying Huey had her leave MSF during that time in anticipation of the XOF attack. If anything, Portable Ops is probably the only reason Gray Fox even RETAINS any connection to Big Boss (and let's not forget Nojima's novelizations even make explicit reference to the events of Portable Ops).

Lots and lots of MGS fans are just wrong about the relevant evidence on whether Portable Ops is canon. No, Peace Walker’s reference to San Hieronymo does *not* confirm that PO is canon—it references PO’s setting dismissively, likely implying that PO’s events don’t matter now.

And no, dialogue from an Ocelot tape in MGSV does *not* confirm that PO is canon either—in fact, that very same conversation actually *contradicts* PO on the specific details. People listen to this tape on the assumption that it "confirms” PO, and just brazenly misinterpret what it says.

The most likely view (consistent with Kojima’s rare and vague statements on the matter) is that PO was originally meant to be canon, then mostly abandoned later. A key event in PO really *is* referenced in MGS4, indicating PO *was* still meant to be canon at that time.

But numerous events in PO *would* have been mentioned in PW if it was still meant to be canon when PW was written. PW’s conspicuous absence of references to many of PO’s events (e.g. on the Boss, Gene, and Metal Gear RAXA) indicates that these events did not happen.

[beautifulboysbeingbusy]

19 Days Chapter 369 Recap

Ok here it is. Better late than never. Sorry for my mediocre English. No native speaker here. 

Sooo this chapter was epic and I’m sure it will lead to some huge development for Tianshan! I’ve read it like 20 times already and I’m always discovering new little things. Every panel is important and has a meaning. Well since I have all these thoughts in my mind why not share them with all of you. So let's go. (Starting with trivia but getting to the good stuff later)

Ok I know its petty but… (whyever is this bothering me?!?) 

Everyone who has been near such a huge fire before knows this…but you can’t stand that near to a fire (especially if a fire accelerant was used). It’s hot as hell believe me. And really nobody else noticed a fire?! No fire department on duty tonight? It probably was burning for quit a while. Also…

Please please PLEASE Mo get a medical check up! Biting someone is dangerous. You can get a lot of bad shit from something like that. Who knows what diseases SL has.

I think the reason Mo is so hellbent on recovering his school bag from the beginning is the earrings. Not his school books or his bag. Not his phone. No. The earrings HT gifted him. The earrings Mo demanded from TH. That’s the reason we as the readers where shown that the earrings were in his bag. But that also means Mo consciously carried them around. He was aware. Facing the possibility of losing all his possessions the only thing he wants to save are these earrings and it's the only thing he really does save in the end. I’d also like to point out that SL apparently doesn’t get that at all. Not so much alike now, are you?

Mo is furious. I love how he at long last stands up for himself. Don’t get me wrong. Violence is not the right way in reality. It's not cool. Violent means will never be justified by anything. But this is fiction. And Mo needed to liberate himself from SL, he needed to stand up for himself, to not obey and bow down to SL. Until now Mo always fled, he avoided and dodged SL and his problems. But here he faced them head on bearing the consequences with his head held high.

Why were we shown this blow so explicitly?! That’s kinda scary. A concussion maybe? Hopefully it was just meant to emphasize their fight. Also I want to scream! Such cowards! Three against one. SL and his gang have no redeeming qualities!

This is such an important scene. That’s what it’s all about. Mo and SL are alike, Mo and HT are not. SL has told HT the same thing some chapters ago. Mo and HT live in different worlds. HT is well liked. He is a model student, he is popular with his peers, the relationship to his family is complicated at best and broken at worst. Money is no issue for him. He has no idea what things are worth, what labour is worth. That’s no doubt the reason why he asked bosslady how much Mo earned. Because he has no idea about these kind of things. And it was obviously quite a harsh reality check. Mo is different in every way. That’s a reality. Mo knows that. HT knows that too. But here’s the thing, it’s not important at all. Because all that will never change what they mean to each other despite their differences. And I have a feeling that even those two mules are starting to get that.

The aftermath. God, Mo let someone (preferably HT) help you please? What did that psychopath SL do to you?? Mo’s cleaning the earrings. One of them is obviously broken. The pin is disjointed. Who knows if they can be repaired. Mo saved them anyway. He reached into the fire (that surely hurt like hell) to secure them. He looks like shit, covered in blood and mud and still he’s cleaning the earrings first. It’s so sad and tragic but the fish is probably dead in the bag (FYI: I don’t know how it happened but a lot of people think that the fish is missing after the fight. That’s wrong. It’s still present in the original art. You can check on OX weibo)

It breaks my heart. I’m convinced this is the turning point in their relationship. This is their moment of truth. What will happen? How will they move forward from here on out? HT couldn’t protect what he wanted to keep safe the most. Mo feels lost, hopeless and like a failure? What happens next will determine their future path together.

It’s so painful how much this reminds me of that scene. (Btw another big turning point of the story)

My (most likely totally wrong) predictions for the next chapter:

We will see it pretty soon. This weekend (please!).

HT will lose his cool. I expect raging anger or tears or both.

Mo will try to calm HT down by touching him (on his arm or face).

They will kiss and live happily ever after.

[padmeandaloysupremacy]

Spoilers for Queen's Hope

FYI: I didn't fully read the book, as I got bored halfway through so a lot of what I'm saying is interpreted by what I saw

I just got and read Queen's Hope, which I was pretty excited about since this is the first canon Padmé novel I got my hands on and was going to read. Also the fact that Anidala was going to be in there was going to be a plus. I'm not going to comment on the representations of various groups or identities as I seen others already have or how Ek Johnston chose to represent things, since I'm not someone who should be talking on that as I have no real foothold or knowledge within the respective subjects.

But from a story standpoint, I found the book was pretty lackluster, the Anidala scenes were pretty quick and dull. Anakin honestly felt too much like TCW Anakin so I don't like that at all, since I hate how TCW characterized him and Padme. For the most part I didn't mind Padme at all, I thought her mission was boring, and was unneccessarily built up. Johnston seemed to be moving from place to place, scenario to scenario, that it didn't feel like a story, more like a combination of possible clips of a singular clone wars episode or something along that sorts.

One of the things I absolutely love was Saché and Yané and there relationship and the children refuggees they were housing and I wish to see more of them together, they are so cute and sweet that it reminds me of how Anidala is and should be.

Dorme is probably my favorite handmaiden, I have no idea why, but I just really like her for some reason. Sabe used to be my favorite but how she is written is now just a turn off for me. I like that her traits mirror Padmé's but on a stronger level, but I feel like her whole character is solely based on Padme, that if you took Padme away, Sabe wouldn't be a character. I wish they did more with her. She can still be Padmé's best friend while also making something for herself. She helps free the slaves on Tatooine because first Padme asked her to help free Shmi Skywalker for her, than after awhile she continued it on because she felt it was right. It just seems everything Sabe does revolves around Padme.

Anakin was inherently obssessed with Padme and he still had his own personality and choices and a life outside of her. Sabe just felt written to be an Anakin-esque love interest for Padme who shares a deep friendship and bond and would do anything for her. She is basically written to be a better love interest to Padme than Anakin in my eyes when I read through the book.

Lots of people complained about Padme being reduced to just Anakin's wife, even though she did do things that made her standout. I feel the same sort of treatment was done to Sabe. She really just lives under Padme Shadow, which I mean can work in tandem because she is known as the Queen's shadow, I just think she is too good of a character to not evolve away from that. If Padme was able to go against her convinctions and marry Anakin and do something for herself once in her life, than I think the same should happen to Sabe whether that be she starts a slave revolt on Tatooine or she becomes a bounty hunter or literally anything. Then you can have it work with the Vader comics, all the other handmaidens made something of themselves and in the end all came together to solve Padmé's death and avenge her. I just think Sabe could of used Padmé's sort of shadow, Queen Shadow, to make something of herself. Spread her beliefs of politics or help free and solve slavery which she wanted to do.

I know a lot of people won't agree with me on this and thats fine, I'm just not the person who likes to ship everything, I usually follow canon relationships or something along that sort, not saying we can't have non-canon relationships, I'm all for it but I just want to see more platonic relationships within Star Wars. It seems everyone is so hellbent on matchmaking others with others that we can't let people just be friends anymore.

[emmafreakecreations]

So I decided to make some ACOTAR characters in the Sims for fun and I thought it would be cool to design modern outfits for them. I have done the IC and most of the highlords but in this post it will just be the sisters bc otherwise the post will get long. I tried my hardest to make the sisters all look similar but different in their own way bc I find that fanart most often makes them look identical.

Feyre

Feyre's everyday is a chunky, white, sweater, with leggings and flats. Similar to what she wore in the book. Feyre is the only one with outfits straight from the book everyone else is inspired by their character and the vibes they gave off. Feyre I decided gives off stay-at-home suburban mom vibes. She has the Painter Extraordinaire aspiration, she is active, an art lover, and family oriented.

Formal is the Starfall dress, or at least the Sims 4 version

Athletic wear

Sleep wear

Party Wear inspired by the infamous CoN scene

Swimwear

Cold weather wear

Hot weather wear, tbh I didn't know what to do for this outfit so I went with this.

Nesta

After reading the Sympathy for the Devil fanfic by Saphie3243 I was inspired to make Nesta a business woman, she likes pants suits, elegant dresses, and make up that stops people in their tracks. And no she is not a Girl Boss, she actually cares about her employees, like in the fanfic. I decided she likes to wear a lot of navy blue and purple. She is a dance machine, mean, and a book lover. Also i for her aspiration I gave her inner peace bc she definitely needs to find it, I don't believe she did after acosf.

Everyday

Formal

Athletic

Sleep wear

Party wear

swimwear

hot weather wear

cold weather wear. I realized this coat would probably have been good for Feyre bc moon and night court, but I like the coat I picked for her way better and fits her vibes.

Elaine

So........Elaine ended up getting most of her wardrobe from cottage living. Honestly I love all her outfits they fit her so well, she's got a lot of pastel colors. She has the Freelance Botanist aspiration, she is cheerful, good, and neat.

Everyday, FYI she has strawberry earrings

Formal

Athletic

Sleep wear

Party wear

Swimwear

hot weather

cold weather

I will eventually post the rest of characters.....when I get around to it.