#this redraw had been sitting in my drafts for MONTHS

[paper-lilypie]

slip

[redraw of this!]

[spacey-xannabelle]

Fateful Encounter...

Last month, at around April 10th, I decided to revisit an old project I started months prior which was to polish up a test sketch of a comic page about Lucy encountering Lumi in the dreamspace. And after slowly making progress on this, I'm finally finished with this!

I'm gonna leave some artist notes under the read more, but overall I'm super proud of how this turned out!! This is pretty much my first serious attempt at making comics in general so this has been a very interesting learning experience!

Artist notes: So this is what the original sketch for this whole thing was. It was just me scribbling out a scene I had in my head for Startrails that I wanted to put on paper:

This I'd say was made around 2020-2021 ish. At the time, I didn't really do much with it. Until several months ago, I thought of trying to redraw this page and expand upon it.

But my first attempt at doing this didn't quite lead anywhere. I barely got through the thumbnailing process and just gave up bc I lost motivation (and life/work stuff was Happening so yea I had to put this aside as I figured stuff out). Here's the first draft of the thumbnails:

It was just two pages at the time and was pretty simple. I left this project sitting in my files for a while until I one day just, started binging videos from Thestarfishface on YouTube, primarily her webcomic guide videos. And I decided I'd give this project another go.

It was here where I began making a second draft of the thumbnails and this was what I had to work with:

I wanted to experiment with the panels and get funky with the compositions this time around. The 2 page draft expanded to a 3 page thing. But I thought it would've been better if I added one more page at the end with Lucy waking up as a conclusion to wrap this whole thing together.

And in the middle of working on page 3, my friend had suggested to do a an impact frame page, which I hadn't considered during the thumbnailing, so 4 pages became 5. And this was the result!

I posted the pages as I finished them onto my deviantart so that's where a lot of my thoughts were journaled as I went along dfjsdh. To summarize my ramblings there, this project was a very fun (and a bit frustrating) learning experience! I'm hoping to keep practicing and improving my workflow, and hopefully one day make Startrails a full fledged webcomic :')

Additional ramblings:

The structure that Lucy finds Lumi in is inspired by an orrery.

For page 5, I initially didn't plan for much dialogue but as I drew it, it felt just a liiiitle bit empty, so I kinda just threw in some dialogue for Mira. But bc I was already in the inking process (and I just wanted to have this project completed), I didn't redo the page to even include Mira in it. So Mira's just out of frame sdfjskdh. If I had more time and energy to keep this up, I'd have made a revision of the page so I could include her.

This experience has taught me that I could seriously work on my rendering process a bit more, and that my layer management is just atrocious sdkfjksdfh

This has also taught me that while Medibang has the tools needed for me to draw these pages just fine, it also lacks some stuff that I personally need if I were to do a longer project like this. So I'll be experimenting with CSP next!

The dialogue throughout this whole thing wasn't all that planned out- I really just stuck close to what the initial doodle had which probably wasn't the best idea bc I just have like, 2 pages of Lucy's awkward sounding dialogue aaaa. I might do something a bit more dialogue heavy to help improve this skill next time.

Anyway, thank you for reading through my 1 am ramblings on this little project of mine shdkjhks

[poupeesdecirque]

Posting by Queue, or: why I need some distance from my crafts

It has been some time since my last hobby meta blog entry, it had different reasons and one is that I need distance. Like, yes I of course enjoy crafting and sometimes I am like a little child that runs everywhere to show off things.

But it got ... less intense. And I learned I do better when I keep projects or at least details to myself to sit on them for longer. That the first euphoria is purely mine and not to be shared.

Like for my photos I have a buffer of several weeks now. Yes, I know past-me would have kind of hated that. But I learned I do better when I have a time buffer. I do take photos weekly but sometimes they don't feel special enough to get the weekly photo feature?

Friday & yesterday I went out for photos and while I like the ones from yesterday way more than the ones from friday I am not sure if the set from yesterday will get the feature or not as it's only a hand full of photos giving me that certain spark.

Other than that I am a very emotional artist, I sometimes really fuck up my art and hate it at the moment I worked on it, but then, sometimes, after a few days or weeks I can look at it and just wonder about what was my problem the day I made it.

Another thing is that I, myself, enjoy my art. The process of it. And I like to see my blog updating, sometimes I forget what post will go online and then I check the blog and think "ah yes, this was that thing!", and it reminds me why I made the blog overall, to show myself I had progress and that every tiny step counts.

Which leads to another reason why I hold back in regards of posting. Yes, I do share some snippets in my stories over on insta but not always and not all. I sit on over 300 drawings from the last two years alone nobody ever will see, I enjoyed drawing but it's nothing for the public eye. I will maybe go back and redraw some and share the redraws then, who knows?

But wait, there is actually more reasons.

The biggest or main reason is ... i sometimes go really wild on projects. In January I finished so many dolls it was insane, I worked on Cosplays and other crafts in an incredible speed, I have literally no idea where I found the time but I somehow did and doll parts arriving every week did the rest.

I keep the blog running with partially 2 month old stuff but .... to be honest I don't have doll stuff aside photos to do anymore. All I can do is wait for bodies to be shipped (or dolls even) and arrive. There has been no movement since January. Aside Iza getting the shipping notice for our Split, might take a while until its at her place and I can't really start on the Akuma until I got the body (which I at least have finally ordered this month) as colors need to be matched and mods to be made.

I am truly itchy to do something else than sewing all the time, I do enjoy cosplay but you know how much I like sewing (hint: not at all). So to remind myself of the fun I had in the past weeks I have mixed my blog to bless me with some progress I had which was maybe not sewing all the time. And well, the Cosplays have deadlines and I do get some ideas aside purely sewing while doing them, so that keeps me going for now.

Yes, I could start redoing dolls like Alastor or Erwin. But you know what? IT'S ALMOST ALL SEWING. Urgh.

Aside that real life is pretty good at eating me up and I just want to enjoy crafting. Right now drawing feels like stress relief but I hate the results and just scan the pieces and put them away to never look at them again, I have a bunch of posts queued up without any captions, a wip entry of a current project only has two photos but I lack the spoons to actually get them done. But since those posts are so far back it's fine (yes I know drafts are a thing).

In general I enjoy having my art to myself to get used to it before I put it out into the wild as I just recently got reminded I do bad with direct comparisons still and it hits some triggerpoints from the past and makes everything harder, I don't need that.

I literally have no idea if this blog makes sense even, lol. I just am tired of sewing and stopped working on my current project around lunch time and have drawn so much today and I walked way too much the whole week my friends urged me to stay the ef home and at least try to relax. But I'm restless as my body is too stressed (I know it all I'm a certified relaxation trainer so eh), so, have an over the place blog entry.

[saevus-brutalis]

— WIP WEDNESDAY (and updates in general)

tagged by; @onlymeandlife thxthx (i’m so bad at doing tags as of recent dhjesb)

posting this very late but oh well

i have too many unfinished old sketches than i’d like to admit 😔 but i’m gonna share a snippet of two three most recent projects i’m working on atm

edit; since making this draft i made some more sketches but they’re 😬 rOUGH to say the least so enjoy my favorite ones

tagging 😳; @noirapocalypto @katsigian @spicyraeman (not sure if y’all been tagged in this but if you have something cool to share you’re invited 😼 no pressure as always tho!)

— art

finally dusting off Vincent 😮‍💨

last time o drew him was in uhhh june??? (may?? ig coz i was tryna get that piece done for pride month but—)

yea it’s been a while :]] but he’s back; you may not have seen him as of recently but i’ve been working on him behind the scene (aka lore dumping on whoever would listen lol)

it’s mostly coz i didn’t know what to draw of him, didn’t have any inspiration, and his face turns out good once in a blue moon but let’s not talk about that dhdhdh

but earlier this month i had a ✨ vision ✨ of him in a suit and we’re here now 😮‍💨

once in a while i like putting my man in fancy/designer clothes okay 🤨

cheeky closeup of some details ✨😌

a huge project i’ve been working on since the beginning of december (or maybe since last week of november even); so i don’t wanna show too much before it’s finished 🤫

you could see a bit more in my 2023 art summary (mostly just Dion sitting there in all his glory) but there’s still a bit more. it’s a first proper illustration with a full background for me so the work is going slow

still need to fix a perspective on one thing, perhaps redraw Dion’s face, coz i’ve been experimenting with that; but the lineart is pretty much all done. all it needs is to pick a color scheme, block out colors and start shading (the worst part arguably)

very proud of this one and i’m excited to finish it and show the whole thing 🥺🥺

and last but not least some studies of my beloved tiefling child

trying different head and nose shapes for that guy but it also kinda turned into an expression study? kinda?

[garagesmell]

@lavender-sans I did a little draw of your goop dad before he was a goop man

[sim-cerelyccfinds]

Young Author CAS and CC Links

Youtube video: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9sSF5FeGio

Overall (Skin details, etc…):

Lip Presets:

https://miikocc.tumblr.com/post/640401582835613696/lip-kit-presets-shape-overlays-mouth-corners 

Eyelashes:

http://kijiko-catfood.com/3d-lashes-version2/ 

Eyebrows:

https://adiec.tumblr.com/post/186028112159/eyebrow-set-2-1000-followers-gift-33-thank-you 

Freckles:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/softie-eyebrows-42238941 

Body Blush:

https://simandy.tumblr.com/post/174144122581/hi-guys-im-happy-to-be-here-with-genetics-again 

Body Hair:

https://simulationcowboy.tumblr.com/post/177873891392/some-body-hair-for-girls-thats-been-sitting-in-my 

Hair:

https://simandy.tumblr.com/post/612786364992438272/very-e-girl-yea-ok-back-to-my-pinterest-inspired 

Tattoo:

https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-accessories-female-tattoos/title/flowertattoo-gossipgirl/id/1477592/ 

Eyes:

https://dustflwr.tumblr.com/post/143345184306/so-i-decided-after-realizing-that-people-were 

Everyday: 

Top: https://nolan-sims.com/post/615944619336843264/for-your-thoughts-a-separated-top-version-of-my

Bottoms (Miranda Jeans):

https://aharris00britney.tumblr.com/post/644838061729103872/axa-paris

Rings:

https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-accessories-female-rings/title/rings-set-1/id/1329024/

Nose Ring:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/byul-septum-31707823

Earrings:

https://love4sims4.tumblr.com/post/167050064008/baby-hoops-a-small-hoop-set-four-swatches-bgc

Glasses:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/round-square-38706995  

Eyeshadow:

https://mysteriousdane.tumblr.com/post/158671524948

Eyeliner:

https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-makeup-female-eyeliner/title/au-naturel-eyeliner-n78/id/1402574/

Lipstick:

https://crypticsim.com/post/184329252555/the-homecoming-collection-the-homecoming

Shoes:

https://trillyke.tumblr.com/post/642087966705074176/crush-ankle-strap-boots-cute-ankle-strap-boots

Socks:

https://hazelios.tumblr.com/post/171329044609/redemption-happy-6k-followers-ive-had-this

Formal:

Dress:

https://trillyke.tumblr.com/post/643534771035701248/love-spell-dress-this-dress-has-been-an-ongoing

Shoes:

https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-shoes-female-teenadultelder/title/madlen-marius-shoes/id/1407602/

Eyeshadow:

https://mysteriousdane.tumblr.com/post/158671524948

Eyeliner:

https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-makeup-female-eyeliner/title/au-naturel-eyeliner-n78/id/1402574/

Lip Gloss:

https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-makeup-female-lipstick/title/prime-lipstick/id/1424847/ 

Necklace:

In game

Athletic:

Top:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/28329717

Biker shorts:

https://grimcookies.com/post/186093894930/its-here-this-cc-set-is-the-conclusion-of-months

Scrunchie:

https://love4sims4.tumblr.com/post/184437755758/s-c-r-u-n-c-h-i-e-mapella-s-adorable-scrunchie

Shoes:

http://onyxsims.blogspot.com/2017/06/paradoxum-sneakers.html

Sleep:

Top:

https://aharris00britney.tumblr.com/post/187194346870/axa-2019-official-release

Bottoms:

https://grimcookies.com/post/618986221656588288/savvy-x-grimsavvysweet-and-myself-are-so-happy-to

Socks:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/make-it-easy-set-26026409

Scrunchie:

https://love4sims4.tumblr.com/post/184437755758/s-c-r-u-n-c-h-i-e-mapella-s-adorable-scrunchie

Party:

Top:

https://greenllamas.tumblr.com/post/188726825045/thecovencollection

Pants:

https://aladdin-the-simmer.tumblr.com/post/633001007542059008/the-midnight-collection-2020-aladdin-x-aretha

Septum Piercing:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/byul-septum-31707823

Shoes:

https://plumbobteasociety.tumblr.com/post/170874771645

Glasses:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/round-square-38706995

Nails:

https://simlaughlove.tumblr.com/post/163327412088/sll-rainbownails

Earrings:

https://blogsimplesimmer.tumblr.com/post/171847677855/hi-everyone-ive-got-another-disney-inspired

Swim:

Swimsuit:

https://bramblefinch.tumblr.com/post/185347902476/bramblefinchs-swimsuit-pack-in-sorbet-remix

Nails:

https://simlaughlove.tumblr.com/post/163327412088/sll-rainbownails

Hot weather wear:

Top:

https://nuagelle.tumblr.com/post/177777841903/luaren-top-heres-my-1k-gift-its-not-much-but-i

Skirt:

https://simandy.tumblr.com/post/632077574264193024/whimsical-project-1st-pack-mandy-this-is-the

Glasses:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/round-square-38706995

Shoes:

https://mmsims.tumblr.com/post/184315743126/s4cc-mmsims-primo-sandals-enjoy-download

Rings:

https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-accessories-female-rings/title/rings-set-1/id/1329024/

Lip gloss:

https://kumikya.tumblr.com/post/190029874266/sugar-lip-gloss-this-was-my-first-draft-of-my

Earrings:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/b-o-p-x-ah00b-09-29555169

Eyeshadow:

https://snagglefuster.tumblr.com/post/177839856435/spring-eyeshadow-palette-6-swatches-enabled

Septum Piercing:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/byul-septum-31707823

Eyeliner:

https://emmibouquet.tumblr.com/post/641852073028239360/when-i-edit-my-sims-i-always-redraw-their-lips-and

Cold weather wear:

Jacket:

https://sims4marigold.blogspot.com/2016/04/accmanish-jacket.html

Top:

https://grimcookies.com/post/186294221577/ribbed-turtleneck-bodysuit-ive-wanted-to-make

Jeans:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/female-autumn-cc-29988371

Glasses:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/round-square-38706995

Lipstick:

https://emmibouquet.tumblr.com/post/641852073028239360/when-i-edit-my-sims-i-always-redraw-their-lips-and

Eyeliner:

https://katverse.com/2019/12/15/amanda-eyeliner/

Shoes:

https://aharris00britney.tumblr.com/post/188520988266/simblreen-2019

Septum Piercing:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/byul-septum-31707823

Earring:

https://www.renorasims.com/product-page/rom-jewelry-expansion

(Forgot to post this, so here ya go!)

[patriotsnet]

Who Are The Republicans In The House Of Representatives

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/who-are-the-republicans-in-the-house-of-representatives/

Who Are The Republicans In The House Of Representatives

A Note About Room Numbering

2020 Election: GOP maintains control of Texas House of Representatives | KVUE

The three primary House office buildingsCannon, Longworth and Rayburnshare a room numbering system for above-ground rooms that might confuse visitors at first.; The system is fairly straight forward and can be used to identify most member and committee offices merely by knowing the correct room number regardless of building.

All Cannon above-ground rooms are three digits.; As you would expect, the first digit indicates the floor level.; For example, 303 Cannon is on the 3rd floor.

All above-ground Longworth rooms are four digits and start with the number 1.; The second digit from the left indicates the floor.; For example, 1309 is on the third floor of the Longworth building.

All above-ground Rayburn rooms are also four digits, but start with a 2. The second digit indicates the floor number. For example, 2125 is on the first floor of Rayburn.

U.S. House of Representatives

Here Are All Of The House Republicans Who Voted To Impeach Donald Trump

Ten members of the GOP joined with Democrats in the vote.

President Donald Trump impeached for ‘incitement of insurrection’

The House of Representatives has voted to impeach President Donald Trump — making him the only president in American history to be impeached twice.

Unlike his first impeachment in 2019, 10 Republicans joined Democrats to charge Trump for the “incitement of insurrection” for his role in the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol with a final vote of 232-197.

Some Republicans may have feared for their own safety if they voted for impeachment, Rep. Adam Kinzinger, one of those who voted against Trump, said. Kinzinger told ABC’s “Powerhouse Politics” podcast that some members of his party are likely holding back from voting for impeachment due to fear of highlighting their own participation in supporting the president’s false claims of election fraud.

Democrat Jason Crow, of Colorado, relayed similar thoughts in an interview with MSNBC on Wednesday morning.

“I had a lot of conversations with my Republican colleagues last night, and a couple of them broke down in tears talking to me and saying that they are afraid for their lives if they vote for this impeachment,” he said.

Here is a list of the 10 Republicans who took a stance against Trump:

Rep. Adam Kinzinger, R-Ill.“It’s not going to be some ‘Kumbaya moment’ on the floor — it’s going to be an awakening by the American people to hold their leaders accountable to their rhetoric,”

Changes To House Rules

After Democrats took control of the House in the 116th Congress, they voted to change some rules from the previous session of Congress when Republicans were in control. Some of the changes appear below.

PAYGO: Democrats approved PAYGO, a provision that requires legislation that would increase the deficit to be offset by spending cuts or revenue increases.

Ethics: Democrats made changes to House ethics rules that required all House members to take ethics training, not just new members. The rules also required members to reimburse taxpayers for settlements that that result from a members discrimination of someone based on race, religion, sex, national origin, or disability, among other things. Lawmakers were also prohibited from sitting on corporate boards.

Climate change committee: Democrats created a new climate change committee to address the issue. The committee was not given subpoena power or the ability to bring bills to the floor.

A full explanation of the rules changes can be viewed here.

Recommended Reading: Is Trump Democrat

Tim Scott Only Black Gop Senator Set To Respond To Biden

WASHINGTON Tim Scott, the only Black Republican senator, is often happy to dart past Capitol Hill reporters without saying much. This time, he and the spotlight have found each other.

Brought up by a single mother who worked backbreaking hours as a nursing assistant, the 55-year-old Scott has spent a decade in Congress representing South Carolina. Now, the lawmaker who combines a willingness to address racial questions with an advocacy of vintage conservative themes such as opportunity and optimism is giving his partys nationally televised response to President Joe Bidens Wednesday night address to Congress.

Scott also is the lead GOP negotiator as the two parties seek an accord on legislation overhauling police procedures. The issue has long eluded compromise despite national attention fanned by last years killing of George Floyd, a Black man, and this months conviction of a former Minneapolis police officer in his slaying.

You figure out who your audience is, you figure out what you want to say and you try and find a way to say it well, Scott told reporters Tuesday about his speech preparations. And you lean into who you are.

GOP leaders choíce of Scott to answer Biden comes at a tense political moment.

Scott, from North Charleston, South Carolina, nearly dropped out of high school. He tells of a life-changing turnabout after befriending a businessman who became a mentor and stressed the value of hard work.

Also Check: How Many Republicans Are Registered In The Us

About Legislative Sessions In Colorado

The Tenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution declares that any power not already given to the federal government is reserved to the states and the people. State governments across the country use this authority to hold legislative sessions where a states elected representatives meet for a period of time to draft and vote on legislation and set state policies on issues such as taxation, education, and government spending. The different types of legislation passed by a legislature may include resolutions, legislatively referred constitutional amendments, and bills that become law.

Article V of the Colorado Constitution establishes when the Colorado General Assembly, of which the House is a part, is to be in session. Section 7 of Article V states that the Assembly is to convene its regular session no later than the second Wednesday of January of each year. Regular sessions are not to exceed one hundred twenty calendar days.

Section 7 also states that the Governor of Colorado can convene special sessions of the General Assembly. Special sessions can also be convened by a two-thirds vote of the members of both legislative houses.

Also Check: Leader Of Republican Polls

The Impact Of Partisan Gerrymandering

Once a decade, every state redraws its electoral districts, determining which people will be represented by each politician. In many states, this means that politicians gather behind computer screens to figure out how they can manipulate the lines to box out their competition and maximize the power of their political party. While an increasing number of states employ independent commissions to draw district lines, the large majority still lack safeguards to prevent partisan favoritism in the redistricting processalso known as partisan gerrymandering.

It has been almost a decade since the 2010 cycle of redistricting, and the country is still reckoning with the impact. Last May, the Center for American Progress published a report that found that unfairly drawn congressional districts shifted, on average, a whopping 59 seats in the U.S. House of Representatives during the 2012, 2014, and 2016 elections. That means that every other November, 59 politicians that would not have been elected based on statewide voter support for their party won anyway because the lines were drawn in their favoroften by their allies in the Republican or Democratic Party.

Thats democracyelected officials who represent and are accountable to the people. The numbers show that representation in the United States is far from fair, but with straightforward policy changes, citizens can have maps that are fair.

Get the latest on courts and democracy

Press Contact

Govtrackus Is Taking A New Focus On Civic Education

Help us develop the tools to bring real-time legislative data into the classroom.

If youve visited a bill page on GovTrack.us recently, you may have noticed a new study guide tab located just below the bill title. This is part of a new project to develop better tools for bringing real-time legislative data into the classroom. We hope to enable educators to build lesson plans centered around any bill or vote in Congress, even those as recent as yesterday.

Were looking for feedback from educators about how GovTrack can be used and improved for your classroom. If you teach United States government and would like to speak with us about bringing legislative data into your classroom, please reach out!

Read Also: Dems Voting For Trump

In House Of Representatives An Arithmetic Problem

A variety of smart political observers have suggested that the markets are misreading the situation. Instead, they say, the failure of Mr. Boehners bill makes a deal to avert the so-called fiscal cliff more likely because it has now become clear that any deal will need to rely upon the support of at least some Democrats, which could ease passage through the Democratic-controlled Senate.

Perhaps this is correct. Mr. Boehner has said that the White House and Senator Harry Reid, the majority leader, will now have to take the lead in negotiations. The chance that a fiscal deal will be secured on terms that Democrats find favorable may have increased.

But the chance that there will not be a deal at all may also have increased, or at least not one before protracted negotiations that could harm the economy. The difficulty is in finding any winning coalition of votes in the House of Representatives.

In the diagram below, Ive charted the major coalitions in the incoming 113th Congress, which will convene on Jan. 3. The new House of Representatives will have 233 Republicans and 200 Democrats. Two seats remain vacant, which means that 217 of 433 votes will be required to pass a bill.

Women In The Us House Of Representatives 2021

Republicans take control of House of Representatives in US midterms

In addition to the 119;women currently serving, four women delegates also represent American Samoa, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands. The congresswomen include 46;women of color: 23;African American women, 7;Asian Pacific Islanders, and 12;Latinas, 1;Native American woman, 1;Middle Eastern/North African woman, and 2 multi-racial women. The delegates include an Asian/Pacific Islander, a Latina, a Caribbean American and an African American. For more information on the number of women of color serving in the House . Nancy Pelosi , the first woman Speaker of the House, holds the highest position in the House and is second in line of presidential succession. For more information on women in leadership roles;in Congress, click here.;

Of the 119;women in the House:

You May Like: Mike Pence Lapel Pin

South Carolina House Of Representatives Elections 2012

See also: South Carolina State Senate elections, 2012 and State legislative elections, 2012

South Carolinas 2012 legislative elections were marred by a series of events that eventually led to nearly 250 candidates being removed from the primary ballot. Here is a brief timeline of those events, followed by a detailed account of what happened.

Deadline for candidates to file a required statement of economic interest. Many candidates from both parties fail to do so.

Week of April 16: The State Ethics Commission gives candidates an additional 10 days to turn in the form. Democrats call the decision unfair while Republicans say that they are okay with it.

May 2: The South Carolina Supreme Court rules any candidate who did not file the form must be removed from the ballot. Calls for a rehearing are denied.

May 9: While the Senate attempts to pass legislation to allow challengers back on ballot, attorney Todd Kincannon requests a delay in the primary. Both efforts fail.

Primaries take place as scheduled.

Additional filing time

Republicans said they were fine with the commissions decision.

Candidate disqualification

14Footnotes

Elections to the U.S. House were held on . All 435 seats were up for election.

In 2010, 54 incumbents lost to challengers in the general election with Republicans swinging 63 total seats in their favor.

Number Of House Members Per State

Unlike the U.S. Senate, which consists of two members from each state, the geographic makeup of the House is determined by the population of each state. The only stipulation spelled out in the U.S. Constitution comes in Article I, Section 2, which guarantees each state, territory or district at least one representative.

The Constitution also states that there can be no more than one representative in the House for every 30,000 citizens.

The number of representatives each state gets in the House of Representatives is based on population. That process, known as reapportionment, occurs every 10 years after the decennial population count conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau.

U.S. Rep. William B. Bankhead of Alabama, an opponent of the legislation, called the Permanent Apportionment Act of 1929 an abdication and surrender of vital fundamental powers. One of the functions of Congress, which created the census, was to adjust the number of seats in Congress to reflect the number of people living in the United States, he said.

Recommended Reading: Which States Did Not Vote For Trump

An Incoming Class Of History

Several of the newly elected state representatives are making history.;

The Republican Madison Cawthorn, 25, who beat the Democrat Moe Davis to represent North Carolinas 11th Congressional District, will become the youngest member of Congress in modern history.

The Democrat Cori Bush is set to become the first Black congresswoman from Missouri after winning in the states 1st Congressional District.

The Democrats Mondaire Jones and Ritchie Torres will also be the first openly gay Black men to serve in Congress, after winning in New Yorks 17th and 15th districts respectively.

And nine out of the eleven Republicans who have so far unseated incumbent Democrats are women wins that will drastically expand the representation of women and especially of women of color in the House Republican caucus.

Currently, there are just 13 voting female Republican representatives in the House and 11 female Republican incumbents who ran for reelection in 2020.

Republicans Can Win The Next Elections Through Gerrymandering Alone

Even if voting patterns remain the same, Republicans could still win more seats in Congress through redistricting

In Washington, the real insiders know that the true outrages are whats perfectly legal and that its simply a gaffe when someone accidentally blurts out something honest.

And so it barely made a ripple last week when a Texas congressman said aloud whats supposed to be kept to a backroom whisper: Republicans intend to retake the US House of Representatives in 2022 through gerrymandering.

We have redistricting coming up and the Republicans control most of that process in most of the states around the country, Representative Ronny Jackson told a conference of religious conservatives. That alone should get us the majority back.

Hes right. Republicans wont have to win more votes next year to claim the US House.

In fact, everyone could vote the exact same way for Congress next year as they did in 2020 when Democratic candidates nationwide won more than 4.7m votes than Republicans and narrowly held the chamber but under the new maps that will be in place, the Republican party would take control.

If Republicans aggressively maximize every advantage and crash through any of the usual guardrails and they have given every indication that they will theres little Democrats can do. And after a 2019 US supreme court decision declared partisan gerrymandering a non-justiciable political issue, the federal courts will be powerless as well.

Don’t Miss: How Many States Are Controlled By Republicans

Cheney Ousted By Us House Republicans But Will Seek Re

WASHINGTON, May 12 – House of Representatives Republicans on Wednesday ejected Liz Cheney from their leadership ranks as punishment for repudiating former U.S. President Donald Trumps false claims of a stolen election, but she remained defiant and made plans to seek re-election to Congress.

Her ouster from her party’s No. 3 post in the Democratic-led House unfolded in mere minutes in a closed-door meeting. The action signaled that Trump, despite losing to Democrat Joe Biden in November, has solidified his hold over House Republicans as he jockeys to play a major role in the 2022 congressional elections and flirts with running for president again in 2024.

Cheney’s decision, disclosed by a spokesperson, to seek re-election next year for a fourth two-year term as the lone House member representing Wyoming appears to set the stage for a clash between competing factions in a Republican Party facing a moment of reckoning over its future – either following Trump’s lead or finding a new path. Six Republicans already have lined up to challenge her in a heavily Republican state that Trump won with about 70 percent of the vote last year.

After her removal, Cheney came out swinging, telling reporters moments later that she would lead the fight to bring her party back to “fundamental principles of conservatism.”

“We must go forward based on truth. We cannot both embrace the big lie and embrace the Constitution,” Cheney said.

‘HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING’

Arguments For Expanding The Number Of House Members

Advocates;for increasing the number of seats in the House say such a move would increase the quality of representation by reducing the number of constituents each lawmaker represents. Each House member now represents about 710,000 people.

The group ThirtyThousand.org argues that the framers of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights never intended for the population of each congressional district to exceed 50,000 or 60,000. “The principle of proportionally equitable representation has been abandoned,” the group argues.

Another argument for increasing the size of the House is that is would diminish the influence of lobbyists. That line of reasoning assumes that lawmakers would be more closely connected to their constituents and therefore less likely to listen to special interests.

Recommended Reading: Are Republicans Or Democrats More Educated

What Activists And Democrats Want To Happen

For years, Democrats and activists alike have pushed for an independent redistricting commission to draw Indianas maps. Their argument is that only an independent group can do so without party influence.;

But Republicans have long stifled any legislation that would make that change.;

Now activists such as Common Cause and;All IN for Democracy; and Democrats alike are asking for a transparent process with more time for analysis of the proposed maps and public comment after the proposed maps are released.;

[dr-archeville]

INDY Primer: More Chaos in North Carolina’s Redistricting Saga, Courtesy of the U.S. Supreme Court [2018/02/07]

Hello, everyone!  I wanted to, first off, apologize for my absence Monday and Tuesday.  I fell behind on this week’s and just ran out of time to do the newsletter.  And so much has happened since the last Primer: The Nunes memo was released (and was something of a dud to everyone outside the Sean-Hannity-fever-dream set). The stock market crashed (and then rebounded).  The Iggles defeated the Hatriots in Super Bowl LII (and JT gave an underwhelming halftime performance).  President Trump’s lawyers are urging him not to sit for an interview with Robert Mueller, as they fear he’ll lie (and, well, yeah).  Trump called Democrats who didn’t clap for him at the State of the Union “treasonous” (of course he did).  And there’s probably a bunch of other important stuff I’m forgetting.  But we’ll pick up with today’s news, and there’s plenty to go around.  As always, you can check out the web-browser version of this newsletter here.

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1. MORE CHAOS IN NORTH CAROLINA’S GERRYMANDERING SAGA.

THE GIST: Last night, the U.S. Supreme Court issued a partial stay of the new North Carolina legislative districts drawn by special master Nathaniel Persily at the best of a federal court, which ruled that the districts legislators drew last year didn’t entirely fix the racial-gerrymandering problem that had led the court to strike down those legislative districts in 2016.  The ruling, which didn’t come with much of an explanation — though Justices Sotomayor and Ginsburg would have denied the General Assembly’s request for a stay in full, and Justices Thomas and Alito would have granted the stay in full — will keep Persily’s districts intact everywhere except in Wake and Mecklenburg counties.  The timing is somewhat suboptimal: filing for legislative elections begins next week, which doesn’t give people all that much time to figure stuff out.

From the N&O: “The district lines drawn by Nathaniel Persily of Stanford University altered nine legislative districts adopted by lawmakers in 2017 to comply with a 2016 court ruling.  In 2016, federal judges ruled that 28 of the state’s districts used for electing General Assembly members were unconstitutional racial gerrymanders.  After the General Assembly adopted new maps in August 2017, challengers argued that some of the districts still were gerrymandered to weaken the overall influence of black voters.  They also argued that some of the districts in urban counties were altered mid-decade when they did not have to be, a violation of the state Constitution.  Republicans argued that questions about altering districts mid-decade belonged in state court, not federal court.”

“Currently Republicans dominate the N.C. General Assembly with numbers that allow them to override Democratic Gov. Roy Cooper’s vetoes.  They hold 35 of the 50 Senate seats and 75 of the 120 House seats.  A previous draft of Persily’s plan appeared to make it easier for Democrats to defeat Republican incumbents in four House races and two Senate races, but it’s unclear how the temporary stay for his lines in Wake and Mecklenburg counties will affect those numbers.  Persily redrew just a fraction of the state’s 170 legislative districts, mostly in urban counties that tend to favor Democrats.”

WHAT IT MEANS: Without seeing what the final maps will look like, it’s hard to tell how it will affect the election.  But the main thrust of it is that most of the districts we’ll be voting on in November will have been drawn by Republicans to favor Republicans, and that’s going to make it more difficult for Democrats to overcome the GOP’s supermajorities, much less take back the General Assembly.​

WHAT'S NEXT: This stay comes on the heels of a Supreme Court decision last month to stay a court-ordered redraw of North Carolina’s congressional districts, which a federal court has found to be unconstitutional because they are blatant partisan gerrymanders.  Then, on Tuesday, the court declined to actually hear that case in time for its ruling to go into effect for November’s elections, which would seem a blow to Democrats.  However, the liberal website ThinkProgress argues that, in dissenting, Sotomayor and Ginsburg indicated that the court was about to reject partisan gerrymandering in another case.

Here’s the explanation: “Last October, the Court heard oral arguments in Gill v. Whitford, a challenge to Wisconsin’s gerrymandered state assembly maps.  At that argument, a majority of the Court appeared ready to declare — for the first time — that a partisan gerrymander violates the Constitution.  Four months later, it is likely that drafts of the majority opinion and the dissent in Whitford have already circulated among the justices.  Absent a last-minute change of heart by a justice in the majority, Ginsburg and Sotomayor know how this case will turn out.  If Ginsburg and Sotomayor know that the Court is about to uphold the Wisconsin gerrymander, it is very unlikely they would want to place another partisan gerrymandering case on the Court’s docket.”

“But if Ginsburg and Sotomayor know that the Wisconsin gerrymander is going down — and that the Court is about to usher in a legal revolution that will sweep away many unconstitutional gerrymanders — then they most likely will want that revolution to move swiftly.  The most likely reason why they would want the North Carolina case to be heard on an expedited basis is because they know that they won Whitford, and they want to win Rucho fast enough for it to matter in 2018.”

Related: A national Democratic group headed by Eric Holder and backed by Barack Obama will pour millions of dollars into GOP-controlled states in an effort to block Republicans from single-handedly redrawing legislative and congressional districts after the 2020 census. [NYT]

Related: Persily will now draw congressional districts in Pennsylvania (provided there’s not a constitutional crisis). [INDY]

Related: NCGOP executive director Dallas Woodhouse has filed a complaint against Indivisible: Flip NC, a grassroots group targeting Republicans in suburban districts, for not filing the appropriate reports with the state. [N&O]

Related: The North Carolina General Assembly is meeting this week but won’t say what it will be voting on, which almost certainly means something gross is coming. [N&O]

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2. WHEN TOYOTA CAME CALLING, N.C. WANTED TO GIVE AWAY THE STORE.

THE GIST: Last month, North Carolina missed out on a Toyota-Mazda joint manufacturing operation near Greensboro, with that plant and its four thousand jobs, instead going to Alabama.  Yesterday, the N&O found emails showing what kind of economic incentives the state was considering.

“Last month the state was runner-up to Alabama despite extraordinary efforts by North Carolina officials, who promised $1.6 billion in financial incentives.  The records were released by the state Department of Commerce on Monday evening in response to public record requests.  The records show North Carolina worked hard to anticipate what the Japanese automakers might want, and to meet their extensive requirements for what was dubbed Project New World.”

“Christopher Chung, CEO of the Economic Development Partnership of N.C., in several emails prepped Gov. Roy Cooper and other officials on how to woo high-ranking Toyota officials during their two visits to North Carolina last fall.  Chung relayed that the Chicago-based commercial real estate company representing Toyota ‘emphasized how important it was for the Toyota folks to feel the love about how important this project is to North Carolina.  This needs to come across loud and clear in language, tone, verbal and non-verbal communications.’”

The incentive package went something like this, per the N&O:

“$2 million in-kind to NCWorks, a state job development network started under former Gov. Pat McCrory’s administration, for employee screening.

$16.4 million for job training.

$25 million for a specialized training center.

$3 million for an apprenticeship program to teach new skills.

$100,000 for a ‘Japanese Saturday school’ to instruct the children of Japanese managers in their native language for when they returned home.  The Huntsville, Ala., Town Council approved $250,000 for the school.

$48 million in land conveyed at no cost from the North Carolina Railroad Corp., the megasite foundation and Randolph County.

$76 million for infrastructure from a special state fund aimed at the largest of projects.

$37 million in water and sewer improvements from the Golden Leaf Foundation and the city of Greensboro.

$18 million for rail connection paid for by the state Department of Transportation and Norfolk Southern.

$79 million in road improvements from DOT.

$53 million in electric infrastructure.

$63 million in natural gas with 7 miles of pipeline extension and 6 ½ miles of pipeline looping.

$656,650,000 in corporate income and franchise tax breaks.

$54 million in sales tax exemption on building materials.

$215 million from the state JDIG grant program, $200 million from the One N.C. program.

$100,000 in a Randolph County property tax grant.”

WHAT IT MEANS: The state lost out to Alabama, which similarly promised in excess of $1 billion in incentives.  But the scope of its offer — for just four thousand jobs — is revealing, especially in light of the underway jockeying for Amazon’s HQ2 [INDY].  That project, after all, will bring fifty thousand jobs, more than ten times what the Toyota plant would have.  So just imagine what kind of incentives the state and Triangle region will be willing to throw at Jeff Bezos, the richest man in the history of the world.

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3. OTHER LOCAL HEADLINES.

In Durham, bail is for the rich, jail is for the poor. [INDY]

Now we know what it takes for a cop to actually lose his job: rob a bank. [N&O]

Wake County officials did the Durham-Orange light rail a favor by declining to compete for state funds. [DHS]

WRAL’s great Greg Fishel is taking a monthlong medical leave. [N&O]

Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein will give the commencement address at Campbell Law School this year. [N&O]

Soccer is booming in Durham — if players can find someplace to play. [INDY]

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4. LIL’ DONNIE WANTS A BIG PARADE.

THE GIST:  Last month, Donald Trump — who has, as of yet, not done anything of substance military — ordered the Pentagon to start making plans for a military parade in Washington, D.C., which will cost millions and, as best I can tell, serve no earthly purpose except making the president of the United States feel powerful. [WaPo]

“Surrounded by the military’s highest-ranking officials, including Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Joseph F. Dunford Jr., Trump’s seemingly abstract desire for a parade was suddenly heard as a presidential directive, the officials said.  ‘The marching orders were: I want a parade like the one in France,’ said a military official who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the planning discussions are supposed to remain confidential.   ‘This is being worked at the highest levels of the military.’”

“Shows of military strength are not typical in the United States — and they don’t come cheap.   The cost of shipping Abrams tanks and high-tech hardware to Washington could run in the millions, and military officials said it was unclear how they would pay for it.”

“With a few exceptions — such as President George H.W. Bush’s 1991 parade down Constitution Avenue celebrating victory in the Persian Gulf War — presidents have avoided displays of military hardware that are more associated in the American mind with the Soviet Union’s Red Square celebrations or, more recently, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un’s efforts to show off his Taepodong missiles.”

Here’s White House spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders’s explanation for the president’s demand: “President Trump is incredibly supportive of America’s great service members who risk their lives every day to keep our country safe.  He has asked the Department of Defense to explore a celebration at which all Americans can show their appreciation.”  Another White House official “rejected the suggestion that some associate a military parade with strongmen, saying it would be a ‘celebration of the men and women who give us freedom.  That’s the opposite of a totalitarian government,’ the official said.”

Here’s what really happened: “The inspiration for Trump’s push is last year’s Bastille Day celebration in Paris, which the president attended as a guest of French President Emmanuel Macron.  Trump was awestruck by the tableau of uniformed French troops marching down Avenue des Champs-Elysees with military tanks, armored vehicles, gun trucks and carriers — complete with fighter jets flying over the Arc de Triomphe and painting the sky with streaks of blue, white and red smoke for the colors of the French flag.  Aboard Air Force One en route home from Paris in July, aides said Trump told them that he was dazzled by the French display and that he wanted one at home.”

The military wants to do this on Veterans Day, which will coincide with the hundredth anniversary of the end of WWI, to give this thing the veneer of not being a political affair cooked up by a flagging president.

WHAT IT MEANS: There are lots of considerations here, from the practical (tanks would chew up D.C. streets) to the political (military officials have been complaining about readiness, and here we’re going to pull troops and equipment off the line) to the geopolitical (North Korea may not respond well to a show of strength).  But Trump wants his parade, because Emmanuel Macron had one in France.  In other words: the president is jealous.

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5. TEN POLITICAL HEADLINES.

After the World Health Organization found that the active ingredient in the pesticide Roundup is likely carcinogenic to humans, Republican lawmakers are threatening to cut off funds to its cancer research program. [AP]

Trump’s allies are urging him to look for a compromise regarding Mueller’s request for an interview — including having him respond to questions in writing.  It’s unclear whether Mueller will go for that. [Politico]

The House passed a stopgap spending bill that will keep the government open past Friday, but it’s a nonstarter in the House.  Senators say they’re close to a two-year budget deal that will boost both defense and domestic spending. (LOL, deficits.) [WaPo]

Meanwhile, Trump has called for shutting the government down — despite the budget deal — if it doesn’t come with an immigration crackdown. [NYT]

On Twitter, Trump used an NFL player’s death in a drunk-driving accident to demand the Democrats “get tough on the Border, and with illegal immigration, FAST!” [NYT]

Chief of staff John Kelly says it’s unlikely Trump will extend the DACA deadline if there’s no immigration deal by March 5.  He also think eligible Dreamers who didn’t sign up for DACA "were too afraid to sign up, others would say were too lazy to get off their asses.” [Politico]

Mike Pence says the U.S. is planning the “toughest and most aggressive sanctions” on North Korea. [AP]

Democrats won a Missouri special election in a state house district that went for Trump by twenty-eight points. [Business Insider]

Steve Wynn, who quit as RNC finance chief after reports of sexual misconduct surfaced, has also resigned from Wynn Resorts. [Politico]

An evangelical Trump adviser thinks the Christian faith makes people immune to the flu. [Politico]

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6. FOURTEEN ODDS & ENDS.

After a two-day selloff, the Dow recovered yesterday. [Al-Jazeera]

Elon Musk’s SpaxeX launched the most powerful rocket in the world — Falcon Heavy — yesterday, with a Tesla Roadster as payload.  Two of the three rocket boosters then landed in unison.  Musk wants the Falcon to take humans to Mars. [Orlando Sentinel]

More U.S. teenagers are rejecting binary gender labels. [CNN]

The U.S. solar industry lost nearly ten thousand jobs in 2017, the first time employment in the industry has contracted since at least 2010. [Reuters]

In Germany, Angela Merkel is moving closer to a coalition government with her center-left rivals. [CNN]

Iran executed at least three children in January. [Human Rights Watch]

Scotland’s government is trying to address the country’s “unhealthy relationship with alcohol.” [NBC]

Kim Jong-Un’s sister will be part of the North Korean Olympic delegation. [CNN]

DNA tests on an ancient skeleton show that the first Briton was black. [Daily Beast]

A magnitude 6.4 earthquake struck Taiwan late Tuesday. [CNN]

The Los Angeles Times and the San Diego Union-Tribune have reportedly been sold to a California billionaire. [Politico]

News you need to know: here’s why hangovers get worse with age. [Business Insider]

Your dog can, in fact, get the flu. [Mental Floss]

Rain in the forecast today, with a high of 59.

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[cosmosogler]

hi guys. not doin too hot. and by “not doin too hot” i mean “I AM TOO HOT OH GOD WHY”

don’t worry. when i realized i would not be able to fix the ac myself (at like 8:30 pm) i put in a maintenance request. so hopefully that will be fixed tomorrow or friday. again.

i feel bad putting in so many orders but like, 58 degrees is too cold and 80 degrees is too hot. please. i’m not THAT picky but it’s so much and i’m sweating all over my papers and i can’t tell if poor snoopy is uncomfortable or not. she spends a whole lotta time by where i have the fan on by an open window.

it doesn’t cool off my desk/bed area but at least my kitchen is a nice temperature.

when my alarm went off i realized that i just... did not sleep very much. i had bad dreams but i don’t remember enough about them to say why. i ended up skipping my first class to try to get SOME sleep but unfortunately i just laid there with my eyes closed feeling hot and miserable for 40 minutes. i was so pokey getting ready for school that i was actually late for my second class despite getting up with more time to get ready than usual.

i took notes on my ipad. it was nice. i like the line sensitivity. i picked up my pen from the mail room in the afternoon so now i can write more than four words per line too.

keegan and harrison and i got spaghetti lunch and then i went to my doctor’s appointment. the doctor took a look at my throat and lungs and stuff and said everything seemed fine but i could take some allergy medication that might help it clear up faster. so i did that. also my other problem with the birth control is ok if it happens once. if it happens three times in a row there’s gonna be a problem but otherwise between missing a day (even though i caught up) and all the stress and getting sick it could be anything.

the allergy medication also serves as a sleep aid and anti anxiety medication so she said if it works i could use it for the whole month or when i start sleeping normally again and if it doesn’t work to just stop usin it and don’t worry about it.

i helped ammar and rebika and luis get set up with the printer network in our building after a lot of hassle with my computer. luis and taylor were talking so loud that i couldn’t think at all and harrison was getting annoyed because i wasn’t using any of the convenient tools that computers have like search functions.

and i took my accommodation letters to both my professors and hashed out the test plan with them. my stat mech professor invited me to sit for a while and then... blocked the door with his chair. i don’t think he did it on purpose but I NOTICED. i got antsy immediately and i couldn’t seem to find a good opportunity in the conversation to leave.

i doubled my score on the prelims! now i have a 22/120 instead of, like, a 10. all i gotta do to pass is get up to ~60 though. but it was a DEFINITE improvement. i feel conflicted about it. on the one hand, i did double my score and that’s really impressive. on the other hand, the score is still total garbage and kind of embarrassing if it wasn’t already incredibly well established that i am really bad at taking tests no matter how well i know the material.

hopefully next time i won’t have the worst and longest cold ever.

i ended up spending like 2 hours hanging out with harrison and drawing on his blackboard. he said i draw really fast when i did a blue in about 30 seconds and i said “yes i’ve always drawn abnormally fast.” i did some base shape stuff with him and he showed me one of the symbols he’d been working on. 

jennica wandered in at one point to talk about the em homework and i was gonna die. “what is that?” she asked. “harrison is teaching me how to draw,” i said. i knew that she knew it was total bs because i was holding the chalk and had been drawing when she came in so i made a big deal out of saying over and over that i definitely wasn’t the one drawing. i think she understood it was a joke.

i biked home and picked up my mail and ran a quick errand (the corner store doesn’t carry the item i want any more so that’s a bummer. i’m gonna have to figure out what i want to do about that. the cashier said they might start ordering it again). i fiddled around with the ac trying to get one of the buttons to do the thing i want but it doesn’t seem interested in doing anything but blowing hot air into my apartment. i made some dinner while i did my dishes... i was out of plates. 

i should be drinking more tea but hot drinks just really don’t appeal to me right now.

then i sat down and started drawing. it took like an hour and a half to do three panels out of the seven on this one page. i had made my boards too crowded because i drew too big so i had to take pictures of my pages, load them up on my computer screen, and then erase my work and redraw each panel with everything a little bit smaller. it would have been fine except IT’S SO HOT AND IT’S SO HARD NOT TO SMUDGE MY LIGHTER LINES TO HELL.

snoopy was a little more active than usual today, at least when she was “hunting” for her cookies. i put them in slightly more out of the way places than usual and it looks like she got all of them in about ten minutes. i’m going to have to bump up the difficulty for her just a bit. though earlier i noticed that if i hide her cookies in places that require using her paws to get them out she won’t do it even if they are easily visible. 

maybe getting all those mats off her underside improved her mood. seeing just how much fur got shaved off her stomach, it was probably really hindering her movement.

a good thing todayyyyyy isssssss while i was waiting for the doctor i wrote a whole bunch of notes about nastasia. since my classmates’ em period starts 2 hours earlier this semester i got to the doctor’s office about 40 minutes before my appointment so i just settled into a chair and grabbed my phone and started typing. i’m working really hard to give these characters a common thread and i think it fits pretty well with the general theme of the story. i don’t know if i’m laying it on too thick or not though. it’s hard to write drafts for comics except for the individual scenes you’re currently setting up. i can’t go back and change the beginning because it’s done and uploaded. all i can do is adjust the current page.

so that’s a challenge!!!

it’s fun that having a group of characters with different manifestations of the same flaw creates such a disaster though. count bleck is such a dumpster fire. 

(i am also a dumpster fire and i write characters that are almost exclusively trash man level of emotional maturify)

GAAHHHHH IT’S GONNA BE 80 DEGREES TOMORROW??? THAT’S THE EARLY JANUARY WEATHER I WANT TO SEE!!!!!!

ok anyway it’s 10:45 now so i should probably start thinking about maybe getting ready for bed sometime. i’m so tired. but i really, really don’t want to sleep. i’m so tired of nightmares.

a good thing that i like about myself maybe is, uh, i’ve been working harder at following up with people lately. i was doing it before, but now i’m trying harder to make sure i ask people how a thing went if they bring it up earlier. like suzanne’s cousins are visiting today. i dunno. suzanne seemed impressed that i remembered, last time i did it with her. but now i don’t remember what it was i had asked her about!! i’m trying to find more ways to show people i care, i guess. as i get more and more sleep deprived though i am getting less good at remembering things to bring up in my conversations.

[my-borderline-life]

"So this is the new year...

And I don't feel any different..." Death Cab For Cutie ------ I hope everyone has gotten off on the right foot in the new year, but, if not, know you are not alone. I didn't get another job I had high hopes for, I had a last minute breakdown about moving to the middle of nowhere to get a break on rent and extended my ridiculously expensive lease through the end of the month despite a serious lack of money, the legal battle with my government licensing board has resumed, and my relationship is back on the line. I didn't mean to, I didn't think I was, but I placed "the last straw placed on the camel's back"; it's too fucking tired to keep going, and I don't know if there is anything I can do to convince it to keep trying to move forward. I don't even know that I can get it to LOOK forward, let alone move... All it wants to do is look back toward where we came from and see all the struggles we have gone through, how many times we have fallen down, how much lighter its load would be if it were to just leave me here. And I don't know what I would do if that were to happen. I have nothing but this metaphorical camel, and no idea how to move forward without it. I can't even turn around and go back to where I was before we started on this journey. And so here we are. Not really speaking for weeks. Me wanting to just look toward the future and work on getting to a better place, and him dwelling on the circles we have gone in, convinced there is only more of the same around the bend, and not having the heart to keep going if that is the case. Every time we make it past and obstacle or turn a corner, there seems to be more of the same. But we don't have a map right now, so there is no telling what is around this corner. We have drawn a bunch of maps, but they have all been blown away by the wind, too weathered by storms to read, or we simply light them on fire and they go up in flames. It feels like it's always my dumb ass accidentally dropping it in the fire, and once it's there he just says fuck it and pours fuel on the fire then walks away. No matter what the reason, every time our map gets ruined, he decides he is ready to give up on cartography altogether, rather than trying to piece together what is left to figure out where we are and working to remapping out the road ahead. Right now I am so afraid that he is giving up. That he is sitting there by himself thinking about nothing but how lost we keep getting and convincing himself he will never get out of the woods with me constantly dropping the damn map and holding him back from finally just drawing one the way he wants it. I don't think he realizes that he gets frustrated and rips the fucking thing up in my face on a fairly regular basis... Even when he does acknowledge that yes, he ripped it up and tossed the shreds in the fire, it seems it is always somehow my fault that we are lost and that the map was too shitty to bother keeping. I might be sitting in darkness with him, only able to see the light from the flames fueled by our ripped up map, but I *know* there is light through the trees. I know we need to sit down and draw a good map and laminate the thing so that it will weather storms and can't be ripped up in fits of rage and might be salvageable if someone lights it on fire. We could even mark it up with dry erase markers as we go, then draw on with permanent markers what we discover, but we need to keep that stupid base map. When that one runs out we can file it away for later reference and draw a new one for the next chunk of the path, but we can't keep destroying them. They can't keep fading to the point I'm the only one who can still read it enough to know we aren't completely lost. I can still read this one. I can read it pretty well actually, to the point I'm pretty sure he needs to get some fucking glasses because it's so clear. I guess his eyesight has been getting worse the farther we go... But I can draw bold lines. I can make icons bigger and write more legibly. But that makes no difference if he doesn't believe it would help, that I can't even do it, that it's just going to get ruined again, etc. to the point that has no interest in even reading a draft. I can still see where we are going. The end is still clear to me. I can still see a path forward. I'm willing to get out the tape and to mend the rips and tears, and to sit down and redraw it in a way that he can read it too because I know we can finally have a good copy. It might not be perfect, we might need to make revisions, but as long as we keep moving forward and hit our checkpoints, we are going to make it. I know we will. I just hope he can make out the lines, even if he has to squint to see a faded blurry squiggle, enough to give me a chance to make it legible and to not just give up on our journey. I don't want to give up. I don't think he WANTS to give up either, I just don't think he has the heart to. And I don't know how I would possibly survive without him. We might keep losing our damn map, but I couldn't have made it this far without him, and I don't know that I could make it any farther. His hopelessness is making me feel lost and hopeless. I am so afraid of being left here alone in the dark; of someone giving up on me yet again, finally realizing how much easier their journey would be without me and deciding my companionship is not worth the hardship. I'm just trying to prepare myself for that abandonment, in case I do end up having to attempt to navigate on my own, and praying to God I don't have to.