#this record is about healing and burnout and loving again

[schrondingers-dumbass]

So much for stardust came into my home, looked at all my doubts, punched my gut till I couldn’t breathe and then hugged me.

This record is cathartic in ways I cannot explain

[nomie-11]

Chapter 19 - Shadows of Secrets

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A knock on Liam’s door startled Violet from her sleep, with tired eyes and heavy limbs, she gently pushed herself out from under Liam’s protective arm and prodded her way to the door, grabbing a dagger on the way. 

Gently opening it a crack, she was surprised to be met with a familiar face. 

“Genevieve,” Violet groans, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “What in gods’ name are you doing? It’s two in the morning.” 

It was three days after Montserrat. Violet had received news that Mira didn’t die yesterday, but there was still no news or sight of Xaden, and Genevieve couldn’t sleep. 

“You owe me answers.” She said firmly, her eyes tired as she peered into Violet’s bedroom, Liam asleep softly on the bed, his boots haphazardly thrown against the foot of her bed. “How did Dain find out about my mission, better yet, how did you find out about my mission, because I never told you. And what’s the deal about Andarna and Astrape? I know you’re channeling something from that smaller dragon and you’re hiding it from me. And…” her voice drops, handing Violet her sister’s death record. “What’s a Venin?” 

Violet’s eyes flickered back to the sleeping form of her loving boyfriend, then back to Genevieve, who stood in the doorway, dark blue eyebags overwhelming her features. 

“I can’t tell you about Dain or Andarna.” she quickly says, shaking your head. “Dain’s signet is classified.”

“Classified or not, somehow he knows something I never told either of you, so spill.”

Violet’s face tightened, her hand resting against the doorframe as if it could support the weight of Genevieve’s demands. “I told you, I can’t.” She whispered, casting another glance to Liam, who stirred but didn’t wake. “It’s not that simple.”

Genevieve’s eyes narrowed. 

“How my squad leader, who has never spoken directly to me, knows one of my deepest secrets, needs to be explained to me. How you know in the first place is beyond me!”

Violet's hesitation was palpable, her fingers twitching as if itching to leave the conversation entirely. For a moment, it looked as if she would deny again, but then her shoulders sagged in defeat. 

“When you pushed yourself to burnout, when you were healing me after the fight with Barlowe, Dain must have touched you, and-” She starts, but Genevieve cuts her off almost immediately. 

“He touched me. What does that have to do with him knowing what’s going on in my past?” She questions, pressing Violet further and further. 

“Dain’s signet…” She began, her voice barely audible. “He can watch your memories with a touch of his hand. He sees what you’ve seen when he touches you.” 

Genevieve’s blood turned cold at the revelation. He can see memories? The implications make her stomach churn. “And you didn’t think to warn me?” She hissed, her voice sharp despite her low volume. “You just let me walk around, vulnerable to that?”

Violet winced, guilt clear in the tightness of her expression. “I didn’t know he’d do that to you,” she whispered. “And I couldn’t tell you, it’s classified.” 

Genevieve’s hands clenched into fists at her sides, the edges of her nails biting into her palms. “Classified,” she repeated bitterly, the word tasting like poison on her tongue. “My mission is classified, too! And I’m guessing Dain told you about my mission, too, because you didn’t look surprised at all when he exposed me in front of everyone! He didn’t care that it was classified. You’re supposed to be my best friend, Violet. What has Dain really done for you since you got to Basgiath?” 

Violet flinched at the sharpness in Genevieve’s tone, guilt and frustration clouding her expression. Her fingers tightened around the doorframe as she watched dark and blooming vines creep up Genevieve’s legs. “Genevieve, it’s not like that—”

“Then what is it like?” Genevieve snapped, stepping further into the room, her body tense with anger. “He violated my trust, our trust, and you’re defending him?” 

Genevieve watched as Violet’s face softened, her voice laced with exhaustion. “Dain thinks he’s helping me… he’s always been overprotective.” She let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t ask him to tell me or to read your memories. And I didn’t know about your mission until he told me, I wasn’t even curious. I swear, he said it was for your safety, that he needed to know.” 

Genevieve’s heart pounded in her chest, a mixture of betrayal and anger threatening to choke her. “My safety?” She spat, incredulous. “You mean General Sorrengail’s idea of my safety. The same woman who locked me in a cell for over a year and made me her weapon?” 

Violet looked away, the silence between them thick with unspoken truths. “I know, you’re right, I’m sorry. Dain was wrong for stealing your memories, but I didn’t know how to tell you about his signet. I was scared you’d shut me out and I didn’t want to add anything to your plate.” 

Geneveive’s voice trembled with what Violet could only assume was controlled fury. “I’m not the one who’s shut anyone out, Violet. You knew I was being spied on, and you didn’t say a word.” Genevieve shook her head, disbelief settling in. “You already added to it.” She tossed the death record onto the small table beside the bed, the sound barely louder than a whisper in the stillness of the room. “And you still haven’t explained what a Venin is.” 

At the mention of the word, Violet paled. She opened her mouth, then hesitated. “They aren’t real, Genevieve. Venin are just folklore, something from old riders’ tales. They’re not—”

“Not real?” Genevieve cut her off, eyes blazing. “Then why does Quinn’s death record list one as the cause of death?” 

Violet froze. Her mouth opened, but no words came out as she stared at the documents Genevieve had just tossed onto the table. “What?” 

“I stole them from General Sorrengail’s office. These official papers stamped with your family crest list Venin as the cause of death for my older sister, who—last time I checked—died in a petty combat situation, not in a fairy tail.” 

Violet’s face drained of color as Genevieve’s words sank it, the pure and utter desperation in her eyes told Violet everything she needed to know. Genevieve wasn’t angry at her, she was desperate. She would be, too, if her sister died with a mythical creature being the cause of death. 

“I… I didn’t know,” Violet stammered, taking a hesitant step closer to the papers, her fingers trembling as she reached for them. “Venin? That’s impossible. My mother would have—” She stopped short, her mind racing. “No, she wouldn’t lie about something like this, not to me, not about Venin.” But even as she said it, doubt crept into her voice. 

Genevieve’s eyes were cold, fury bubbling beneath the surface. “Well, she did. You want to explain that?” She gestured to the death record. “Or are you going to tell me it’s just another ‘classified’ secret I’m not allowed to know about?” 

Violet’s gaze lingered on the document, her heart pounding in her chest. Everything she had been taught, every story her father had told her, had been rooted in old, forgotten tales—stories meant to scare children, not kill real people. And now, the undeniable evidence was staring back at her in black and white. 

“I don’t understand.” Violet’s voice was barely a whisper in the air. “They’re not real, they can’t be. We would’ve known—” Her words trialed off as she tried to make sense of it all, the doubt palpable. 

Genevieve crossed her arms, her frustration barely contained. “Well, they’re real enough to have killed my sister. And apparently, your mother knew. So, are you going to help me figure this out, or are you just going to keep pretending like everything is fine? Like you’re not picking up on discrepancies between battle brief and actual war reports?” 

The room was thick with the unpleasant taste of tension. “We’ll figure this out,” Violet said, her resolve strong and her hunger for knowledge dripping from her every word. “But please, understand that I didn’t know about any of this, and I’m so sorry about Dain.” 

“I know,” Genevieve said, her words soft as the vines retreated beneath the floorboards. “I shouldn’t have expected you to have the answers to everything. But right now, I don’t trust anyone. Not after Dain, not after finding out this about my sister’s death. So forgive me if I’m being a bitch.” 

Violet didn’t respond right away, guilt weighing heavily on her shoulders. “I know as well,” she said softly. “And I don’t blame you. We’ll figure this out the same way we figured out your signet.” 

Genevieve remained silent, her expression hard. “I hope so,” she said finally, her voice the most detached than Violet had ever heard it. 

As the silence settled between them, a distant rumble of thunder echoed through the night, the storm outside matching the turmoil swirling within the room. Neither of them noticed the shadow that flickered in the corner, just out of sight.

———————————————————

Xaden rubs his hands over his face as a knock resonates through the door to his dorm. He needed to get to Genevieve before curfew, she was waiting for him to go to sleep. What in gods’ name was so important that they needed to interrupt him right now. 

Groaning, he rose from the chair at his desk, tossing his night clothes back into their drawers before opening the door. 

And it's… Genevieve. 

“We’re sleeping in my room tonight?” He asks, slightly taken aback but his words teasing. 

“We’re playing 21 questions.” She said confidently looking him right in the eyes. 

Xaden blinks, surprised by her directness, and then snorts. “Playing games now, are we? You sure you’re not just here to drag me into bed?” 

“Not tonight,” Genevieve shrugs. “I had a revelation that I actually know nothing about anyone, so tonight, we’re talking.” 

He studies her for a moment, trying to read whether or not she’s serious or not. She’s carrying herself with a confidence that only comes when she’s on a mission. “Alright,” he says, stepping aside to let her in, his curiosity piqued. “Shoot me with the first question.” 

“What’s your favorite food?” 

“Easy. Chocolate cake.” 

Genevieve flops down on his bed, enveloping herself in his soft blankets and warm smell. 

Xaden leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. He watches her settle into his bed, her hair fanning out like a halo of light against the sheets. The sight pulls out something inside him, an unfamiliar warmth that mingles with the teasing tone of their conversation. 

“Chocolate cake, huh?” she muses, looking up at him with an amusing glint in her eyes. “Is that your secret weapon for winning my heart? A slice of cake?” 

“Hey, it’s worked on others,” he quips, pretending to shrug nonchalantly. “What can I say? I have a lot of layers.”

“Clearly,” Genevieve replies, rolling her eyes playfully. “Alright, ask me a question now.” 

Xaden pushes off from the doorframe, grabbing his chair and sitting facing Genevieve, propping up his feet on the bed right in front of her, causing her to laugh and grimace. “Okay, let’s see…” he says, his voice low and teasing. “What’s something you’re afraid to admit to anyone else?” 

Genevieve’s playful expression falters for a moment, the question striking deeper than she’d expected. She glances away, fingers toying with the edge of the blanket as she considers her answer. “And all I asked you was your favorite food.” she mutters, her voice softer now. 

“You wanted to talk,” Xaden reminds her, though his tone has shifted, too—gentler, aware of the weight behind his question.

She sighs, brushing her now grown out hair from her face, the jagged tips brushing her shoulders. “I’m afraid… of losing control,” she admits after a beat of silence. “Of what I’m capable of. That one day I’ll push too far and won’t be able to pull back.” 

Xaden’s teasing smirk fades completely. He knows what she’s talking about—the weight of the power she holds, the constant tension of trying to keep it in check. It’s something they’ve never really talked about openly before.”Genevieve,” he says quietly, leaning forward a little, his dark eyes searching hers. “You don’t have to worry about that. As long as I’m here, I’d never let you fall that far.” 

Her eyes flicker to him, something vulnerable, raw, and unspoken hanging in the space between them. For a second, she almost believes him—almost. But she quickly shakes it off, the mask slipping back into place as she gives a small, forced smile. “Your turn again. What’s your guilty pleasure?” 

Xaden doesn’t press her, though he knows there’s more she’s not saying. He leans back on his elbows, letting the tension ease. “Guilty pleasure, huh?” Xaden taps his chin in mock thought, but the gleam in his eyes shows he already knows the answer. “Alright, but you can’t judge me for this.”

Genevieve raises an eyebrow, intrigued. “Oh, I definitely will, but go on.” 

He grins, leaning in as if he’s about to share the world’s biggest secret. “I love terrible romance novels. The more cliche, the better. Bonus points for ridiculous plot twists and melodramatic declarations of love.” 

Genevieve’s eyes widen in disbelief before she bursts out laughing, clutching the blankets to her chest. The sound is like music to his ears, and his heart swells with pride knowing his words brought her this joy. “No way! Xaden Riorson, Mr. Dark and Brooding, is secretly a hopeless romantic?” 

“I am not a hopeless romantic!” He says, laughing with her. “I just appreciate a good love story.” 

“I never would’ve guessed,” Genevieve says between giggles, wiping a tear from her eye. “But your secret’s safe with me… for now.” 

“I’m trusting you with this one,” Xaden says, narrowing his eyes in a playful warning. “Now your turn—spill something embarrassing.” 

Geneveive sits up, crossing her legs as she considers. 

Xaden can’t help but think that she looks perfect right now. Tousled hair, an unfamiliar smile etched onto her face, night clothes, his sheets. 

“If we’re sharing embarrassing secrets, I have one that haunts me to this day.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “When I was 13, I tried to write a love poem to this guy I had a crush on. I thought it was a masterpiece of literary genius—turns out it was so cringy, he showed it to everyone.” 

Xaden winces sympathetically but can’t help the grin that spreads across his face. “Ouch. How bad was it?” 

“I compared his eyes to a muddy river…” she groans, hiding her face in her hands. 

Xaden snorts, trying to stifle his laughter. “A muddy river? That’s… poetic.” 

Genevieve peeks through her fingers, glaring at him. “I was very serious about it at the time, thank you very much.” 

“Clearly,” Xaden teases, poking her in the side. “I bet he thought it was secretly adorable.” I know I would. 

She bats his hand away, smiling despite herself. “Alright, alright, enough of that. You get another question, that one was bad.” 

“Another question, huh?” Xaden leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his gaze lingering on her face for just a beat longer than necessary. There’s a mischievous spark in his eyes as if he’s about to push the boundaries of their lighthearted game. “Alright, let’s make this interesting.” 

Genevieve narrows her eyes at him, already suspicious of whatever he’s plotting. “Interesting, how?” 

“You have to answer honestly—no dodging.” His voice lowers, his smirk deepening. “What was your first impression of me?”

Genevieve blinks, caught off guard by the sudden shift in their playful banter. Her first impression of him? She hesitates, the memory of their earlier encounters flooding her mind—how he seemed so infuriatingly aloof, always hiding behind that smoldering exterior. 

“I thought you were annoying,” she admits with a grin, watching his expression darken in mock indignation. “You walked around like you knew everything, acted all high and mighty, like no one could touch you. It was infuriating. I wanted to fight you so badly.” 

Xaden chuckles, shaking his head. “Infuriating, huh? And now?” 

Genevieve can feel the tension between them grow, the air in the room thickening as the question hangs in the air. She knows exactly what he’s asking, but she’s nowhere near ready to admit how deeply her feelings for him have shifted. He knows just how physical her attraction is, but she’s never verbalized anything beyond that, she’s only ever shown it.  

“And now,” she says slowly, her voice softening, “I still think you’re annoying. But I also think… there’s a lot more to you than you let on. You’re not as untouchable as you pretend to be.” 

Xaden’s eyes darken slightly, something intense flickering behind his teasing expression. He’s silent for a moment, as if weighing her words, and then he leans closer, closer than she thought was possible, so close she can feel the heat radiating off of him. “You see right through me, do you?” 

Genevieve swallows, feeling her pulse quicken. “Maybe.” 

His gaze drops to her lips for just a second, the tension between them crackling like static in the air. He reaches out, his fingers brushing a loose strand of hair from her face, the touch sending shivers down her spine. “Your turn,” he murmurs, his voice like velvet. “But choose carefully. I’m starting to think you’re asking questions you already know the answers to.” 

Genevieve’s breath catches in her throat, and for a moment, she forgets the game entirely. The heat between them is undeniable, the air thick with unspoken and spoken desire. But she’s never been one to back down from a challenge. “What do you really want from me, Xaden?” 

The question comes out more serious than she intended, and she can see it takes him by surprise. His teasing demeanor falters, and for a brief second, his guard crumbles completely. His hand lingers near her face, his thumb grazing her cheek softly. 

“What do I want?” He echoes, his voice barely above a whisper. His dark eyes bore into hers, as if trying to convey something he can’t quite say. “I want…” he pauses, searching for the right words. “I want you to trust me.” 

Her heart skips a beat, the sincerity in his voice cutting through the tension like a blade. He isn’t playing anymore. Neither of them are. 

Genevieve’s breath comes quicker now, her chest rising and falling in a rhythm that mirrors the thundering of her heart. She knows that she should pull away, that the last time they had sex it was a heat of the moment thing, and all of their other kisses have been fueled by external emotions. She knows that she’s walking a dangerous line with him, but the gravity between them feels impossible to resist. 

“You already know I do,” she whispers, her voice trembling slightly. “But that’s not what you really want, is it?” 

Xaden’s eyes darken further, and in a flash, he closes the small distance between them. 

“Fuck it.” Her voice rings clear in his head as she snakes her arm up, grabbing the back of his neck, pulling him in before he can second-guess herself, his lips crash against hers with a hunger that takes her breath away. 

The kiss is fire—raw, intense, and filled with all the tension that’s been brewing since December. Genevieve melts into it, her fingers tangling in his hair as she pulls him closer, needing more of him, needing all of him. 

Xaden’s hands are everywhere—tracing the curve of her waist, sliding under the hem of her shirt, his touch igniting skin in a way that makes her dizzy. He pulls her onto his lap, their bodies pressed together in a way that leaves no room for hesitation, no room for doubt. 

The playful banter, the teasing—it all dissolves in the heat of the moment. All that’s left is the raw, undeniable connection between them, a force that neither of them can control. 

Genevieve pulls back for a breath, her lips swollen, heart racing. “This… this is what you really want, isn’t it?” She gasps, her eyes searching his. 

Xaden’s gaze is molten, his hands still gripping her waist as if he’s afraid to let go. “I want you, Genevieve,” he says, his voice rough with truth and emotion. “All of you. No more games. No more pretending.” 

Her heart clenches at his words, the vulnerability in his voice shaking her very idea of who he is. She’s wanted him for so long—fought against it, denied it, but now, there’s no denying what’s between them. 

“No more games,” she whispers back, before her lips meet his again, with a fierce intensity, silencing any last traces of doubt between them. This time, the kiss isn’t just about desire—it is slow, passionate, filled with the lingering effects of discarded love. Every secret, every unspoken feeling, every moment of recent tension that’s built up between them crashes down in the heat of their embrace. 

Xaden’s hands trail up her back, pulling her closer, and Genevieve can feel his heart pounding beneath her fingertips. There’s a desperation in the way they both cling to each other, like they’re both afraid of what will happen if they stop, if they let go. She presses against him, feeling the heat of his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt, her breath mingling with his as the kiss deepens, the world outside forgotten. 

He breaks away first, his forehead resting against hers as they pull for air. His eyes are heavy, his hands cradling her face as if she’s something precious, something fragile. 

“Gen,” he murmurs, voice thick with something she’s not sure she’s ready to name. “You have no idea what you do to me.” 

She can see it in his eyes, his words sinking into her like a stone. For a brief moment, she wants to pull away—to protect herself from whatever this is, whatever they’ve just opened between them. But then she looks into his eyes, and she realizes that she doesn’t want to run anymore. 

Instead, she brings a hand up to cup his face, her thumb tracing over the scar that runs through his left eyebrow. “You scare me,” she admits quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. “Because I think you see too much of me. More than I want anyone to see.” 

Xaden’s expression softens, his fingers tracing a path along her jawline, soothing and tender. “I see all of you, Gen,” he says, his voice a low rumble that vibrates through her. “And I’m not afraid.” 

Her heart stutters in her chest, the sincerity in his words cutting through her like a blade. She’s spent so long being afraid—afraid of her powers, of her feelings, of the risk that comes with letting someone in. But here, in Xaden’s arms, she feels something different. 

For the first time, she feels safe. 

Swallowing hard, she leans in closer, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, a gesture filled with something quieter, something deeper. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” 

Xade’s grip on her tightens slightly, as if in response to her vulnerability. “Then don’t be,” he whispers against her skin, his lips brushing her forehead in a tender, almost reverent gesture. “I’m not going anywhere.”

The truth of his words settles between them like a promise, solid and unshakable. Genevieve closes her eyes, and brings him to her again, tongues dancing as he moves to shift them to the bed, her legs hooked around his waist.

Xaden’s weight settles over her, and for a moment, all Genevieve can sense is him—his body aligned perfectly with hers, the warmth of his skin, the familiar scent of him filling the space between them. It’s a closeness she feels down to her bones, a pull that has been drawing them together since the start. She tries to remind herself of her own danger, the reasons she should pull away, but it feels impossible when he’s this close. 

His lips hover near her neck, teasing her with the warmth of his breath, before he plants slow, deliberate kisses along her throat. Each one sends a ripple of heart down her spine, and she arches into him, her fingers tangling in his hair, her body reacting instinctively to every touch. His hands trace her sides with an agonizing slowness, and she’s caught between the fear of wanting to disappear and never wanting him to stop at all. 

“Xaden…” His name slips from her lips, a soft, pleading sound, and he responds with a low groan, his teeth grazing her collarbone, setting her on fire. Every inch of her is aware of him—his weight pressing her into the mattress, his hands on the map of her body as if he were exploring familiar territory. 

This feels different from the last time. There’s no hurried urgency, no frantic passion that threatens to consume them every moment they are apart. This time, it’s deliberate, measured, as if they both know what exactly is at stake. As if they’re not just giving in to a fleeting moment, but something far more significant. 

Xaden moves with a certainty that leaves her breathless. His hand glides beneath her shirt, fingers tracing her line of her spine, drawing her closer as his free hand grabs the hem of her shirt and pulls it off over her head in one move. Genevieve lets herself get lost in his touch, arching into him, her breath catching when his lips trail down her neck. 

“You’re beautiful,” he mutters against her skin, his voice thick with desire but laced with something softer, something that takes her by surprise. 

She shifts beneath him, pulling herself up to him, her pulse racing. Her hand slides to the back of his neck, holding him closer until they’re practically touching. She presses a kiss to his jawline, before she gazes up at him, her heart hammer against her ribs.

Is this… Genevieve’s breath caught as he stared directly into her eyes as if he was looking into her very soul, seeing her very essence. Is this love?

His mouth moved down to another kiss, hesitating for half a heartbeat. 

“Gen,” He whispered, and she could feel his mouth move as he spoke, he was so close, practically locked in a kiss. His hand tangles in her hair, “I’ve been smuggling weapons out of Basgiath. You were right.” 

A moment passes, nauseating silence overwhelming her. 

Her heart shatters. 

The world seemed to tilt, the air sucked from Genevieve’s lungs as Xaden’s words echoed in the silence of the room. her pulse hammered in her ears, drowning out everything but the sound of her own racing heart. 

He was smuggling weapons. And he admitted it. 

Genevieve pushed herself back, her hands slipping from his neck as if they were burned. “What did you just say?” She whispered, her voice barely audible but sharp with disbelief. 

Xaden’s eyes flashed with something unreadable—regret, fear, resolve. He didn’t move to close the distance this time, didn’t try to touch her. “I should’ve told you sooner,” he said quietly, his voice raw. “But I couldn’t risk it. Not until I knew where you stood.” 

The betrayal slammed into her with the force of a crashing wave. After everything—after the tension, the desire, the promise of trust, of sincerity? It had all come crashing down with a single truth that she already suspected.

“You had to find out where my loyalties stood.” She repeated, her voice trembled with barely contained rage. “You’ve been lying to me this whole time finding out where my loyalties stood?” She shot up from the bed, putting distance between them, grabbing her shirt and tugging it on, covering her marks, her scars. 

Xaden stood slowly, his movement cautious, as if approaching a wounded animal. “It’s not what you think,” he began, his tone pleading, though his eyes were hard with the weight of unspoken truths. “I wasn’t lying about how I feel. I wasn’t lying about us.” 

Genevieve shook her head, taking another step back, vines and flowers sneaking through cracks in the stone walls, blooming around her as if they could protect her from the truth. 

“You know where my loyalties stand!” She hissed, her voice guarded and hard, the same way it used to sound. “I’ve been lying to General Sorrengail every time she interrogates me about what you’re doing! And you have the audacity to question where my loyalties lie? Ever since I got here, my loyalties have been to myself!”

Genevieve’s voice cracked as the words left her, the weight of her confession hanging heavily in the air between them. The tension was palpable, almost suffocating. She could see the flash of surprise in Xaden’s eyes, quickly replaced by a dark understanding. He stepped toward her, but she held up a hand, dark vines stopping him in his tracks. 

“I didn’t come here to be some pawn in another person's war,” she continued, her voice growing steadier, though her heart felt like it was breaking all over again. “I came here to survive. And you—“ she pointed at him, her voice laced with venom. “You used that. You used me.”

Xaden’s jaw tightened, his hands clenched at his sides. “You have no idea what’s at stake, Gen. This is bigger than us. Bigger than anything you could imagine. 

“Don’t.” Her voice was sharp now, cutting through his excuses. “Don’t try to justify this. You could have told me. You should have told me.”

She could feel the familiar surge of her power bubbling just beneath the surface, the vines creeping further along the walls, the flowers blooming darker, sharper, as if reflecting the turmoil inside her. She had trusted him—maybe not fully, but enough to let him in. And now, he has shattered that fragile trust. 

“I didn’t want to involve you,” Xaden said, his voice low, as if trying to contain the rising storm between them. “I was trying to protect you.” 

Genevieve let out a bitter laugh, her eyes flashing with anger. “Protect me? By keeping me in the dark? By using me like everyone else? You think I need protecting, Xaden?” Her voice trembled as she took another step back, the distance between them growing, not just physically but emotionally, a chasm opening wide. “You don’t get to decide that for me.” 

His expression faltered, but only for a second. “This isn’t just about you. There’s a war coming, and we’re on the edge of it whether you like it or not. I made choices I had to make to keep you safe—whether you agree with them or not.” 

Geneveive shook her head, tears burning at the back of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She couldn’t let herself be vulnerable again—not now. “I can count the amount of people I truly trust on one hand. But I can’t trust you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible, but the truth of it rang loud and clear in the quiet room. 

Xaden’s face hardened, his posture stiffening as if bracing himself for Genevieve to launch at him with the intent to kill. “I am trying to do the right thing, Gen. For you. For us.” 

She let out a shaky breath, feeling the weight of the truth settle in her chest. “But you still lied, knowing fully well that I was completely and utterly loyal to you. I can forgive a lot, but I can’t forgive that.” 

For a long moment, neither of them spoke. The air between them crackled with unspoken words, the weight of everything unsaid. Xaden’s gaze never left hers, but she could no longer read his eyes. She couldn’t see the pain or hurt, she could just see the lies swimming behind his onyx irises. 

Finally, he broke the silence. “I didn’t want this to happen,” he said, his voice rough, almost pained. “But I won’t apologize for trying to protect the people I care about. Even if it means losing you.” 

Genevieve’s breath caught at the finality in his tone. She felt her heart breaking all over again, but this time she knew there was no going back. There was no way to undo what had been said, no way to erase the betrayal that now hung between them. 

“Don’t call me Gen anymore. My name is Genevieve.” She whispered, her voice hollow. And with that, she turned and walked out of the room, leaving Xaden standing alone amidst the wreckage of what they once had. 

The moment the door closed behind her, the vines and flowers retreated, their vibrant bloom withering away. And Genevieve, for the first time in a long time, felt completely and utterly alone. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hey everyone!!! so… xaden's finally revealed the truth… and Genevieve has planted the seeds of venin being real in violet's mind. The plot is progressing!!

anyways~ thats really it in the ntoes for this week. pretty interesting chapter tbh. It started off as an attempt at writing smut and then i was like oh! this is prime time for traumatizing gen! and it worked. she will literally never get over this (a blatant lie, btw)

thats it for now! see you all wednesday with chapter 20 (holy shit stuff actually goes down in chapter 20) and let me know your thoughts? will genevieve forgive xaden for ripping her heart to shreds? And who do you think are the five people Genevieve trusts? let me know! as always, please leave a like, comment, or kudo if you enjoyed!

-------

taglist: @awkardnerd , @hannraumari , @minjix , @glaciuswduo

[anime-simp-0]

class 1A headcanons

||*. i’m sorry i’ve been MIA the burnout has been real. and as much as i love doing content, i just couldn’t. i got shoved headfirst into my self-help and healing era and it’s been draining and kicking my ass. BUT! i’m getting better now lol so i wanna start putting little things out again. i can’t promise it’ll be consistent, but i wanna try and get some new stuff out.

~ satou and momo cook. all the time. with the way their quirks work, they always need little snacks. but they’re also concerned about what all their putting in their bodies, so they make a lot of their stuff at home. which means there’s always something being made in the dorm.

~ kirishima always has someone help him with his hair because he can’t see the back and since he has to bleach it first, he knows it’s important there aren’t sections missed. which means it’s definitely a bakusquad task to help with the hair-dying.

~ kirishima definitely feels bad about always needing help to dye his hair because he feels like there are so many other things they could be doing then dealing with him. so the bakusquad turned it into a hangout. they watch a movie, get snacks and get kiri’s hair done. it makes him feel like less of a burden and they get to spend time with him and munch of food while getting stupid pictures/videos. win-win

~ uraraka floats in her sleep and one time she fell asleep in the common space and people came down to find her sleeping on the ceiling the next morning. and then proceeded to face plant when she woke up... denki recorded it. and yes, the bakusquad all have copies

~ denki’s quirk acts up when he’s sick. so when he sneezes he shoots off electricity. and it’s shocked people on multiple occasions. never ends well when bakugo gets zapped 😬

~ todoroki hates the sound of tea-kettles, so much so that it makes his scar hurt as a part of his PTSD. no one knew or noticed expect one time when momo made tea and it whistles and bakugo noticed todoroki wince and touch his face. the next day the tea kettle was broken and even though momo was heartbroken about her “dear, dear kettle”, bakugo ordered one that wouldn't whistle. but he never told todoroki that was why.

~ for christmas, tsu’s secret santa got her a heating blanket so she wouldn’t get triggered to hibernate.

[ask-zerotrio]

Zero Lab Log Entry: Last Log Entry Recorded

[We left once... If... what if...?]

[Only if they forgive us, Sada.]

[I know, but...]

[...]

Clavell holds Arven gently, waiting patiently for his sobs to subside into sniffles. His still healing torso aches from the position, but he hugs Arven anyway. His boy.

What on earth happened?

Clavell had wished for another life... spent with his loved ones, and gotten it... in the form of a vision, so real and tangible it hurt to remember.

Sada... Turo... had they left the crater with him. Had they raised Arven with him. Had they grown old together.

Instead, Arven grew up with just him as a parent, and Sada and Turo died in the crater, replaced by robotic copies of themselves.

Exhaustion weighs heavily upon Clavell.

What a mess.

What had he done to deserve any of this?

Besides be involved with the two most disastrous and wonderful people to walk Paldea?

Melancholy threatens to drown him then, but Clavell notices the plethora of gifts and get well soon cards by his bedside.

He might have lost Sada and Turo... but Clavell found new treasures to cherish in the end: his precious students and people around him.

People he came to know after leaving Area Zero.

"Arven… how did I get out of the crater?"

"Mom and d- They dragged you out of there. After, hurting you." Arven almost growls.

What.

Suddenly, a knock sounded at the door. Arven peeled himself off Clavell with a snarl, turning to address the door. It seemed as though he already knew who it was.

"Arven-" The new voice starts.

"Didn't I already tell you tin cans NOT to disturb-" "Turo...?" Clavell shifts in attempts to look, only to be rewarded with a sharp pain in his ribs that leaves him gasping for air.

"Clavell!" Three voices yell in alarm, rushing to his bedside to fret over him. Once they figure he's alright, Arven returns to his defensiveness, and the two adults, remorseful.

Somehow, Clavell knew it was neither the Protocol or the AI versions of his once best friends and partners by his side.

It feels strange, for this to be their reunion, the first time in years.

Clavell blinks, confused, baffled, but also oddly relieved.

His laugh is a shaky one, something in between a chuckle and a sob, and comes out as more of a wet and strangled wheeze.

They were a strange family with much left to mend and years of hurts left to sort. Still, Clavell felt dangerous hope bloom and grow...

...because lost treasure, like family, could be found again.

[END]

-

-

-

A/N: Woooooo. That wraps up this Ask blog's plotline + the blog itself. I had been musing this plot's wrap up for a long while, and to date I think drawn about 100? asks. It was a lot, a blend of comics, animatics, fics, weird ARG junk, which I hope was a fun/interesting means of delivering this story and enjoyable experience!

Admittedly, I did lose steam at the end, out of a mix of burnout + general disinterest in this plot. Regardless, I'm glad I pushed through to wrap it up at least. There are also many parts of the ask blog I'm quite proud of :) If you've got questions or comments remaining about this story, please feel free to send things in!

As for the future of this blog, I'm likely to leave it as is, and return to using my regular art blog @wyrdle + exploring new original/zerotrio-inspired works.

Till then take care and thank you for sticking around for so long!

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

But I am SO TIRED NOW and like idk I just am so deeply autistic and traveling and meeting so many new people in person (this is the first time I’ve agreed to a site visit, I usually only work virtually) and like spending the “break time” with the staff in the office and then going to a restaurant for dinner (I needed steak and a salad) and talking about labor organizing in the victim advocacy field and I am WIPED OUT and I don’t even have the brain cells to care about the eclipse lyric (nooooo I’ll get a C in swiftie analysis) so I’m drinking canned rosé and watching baking competition shows in my hotel room and I have to do two more sessions tomorrow and then the women’s center staff want to take me to the pretty rock store (they loved my rock talking piece) and damnit I want to go to the pretty rock store with them and get a new rock!!!! And I want to solve their problems (this campus is in a very very conservative state and they are facing some major major uphill battles and like… idk how they do it like they have spies recording their programming and reporting them for violating some fascist censorship rules and intimidating job applicants who they need to fill vacant roles from other people fleeing the situation and its just oooof) but I can’t fix it and that makes me really really sad but I think some of them are realizing they’re neurodivergent bc of my work and i did some really great stuff today with the students and faculty and I had 4 people come up after my presentation and say that it was super validating and healing and empowering and tomorrow I’m working with the student leaders and it’s SO EXCITING and I want to do a good job and ANYWAYS I sleepy. I think I will be okay tomorrow but I’m nervous about Wednesday when I have to deal with the airport again and like last time I flew somewhere I was OK during the trip because I upped all my meds but I got home and crashed sooo hard and had a huge meltdown and then burnout episode for a few days and like that will probably happen again but maybe not bc this is super validating and healing and they respect my needs so much and are doing a really beautiful job of modeling access intimacy and how important it is and I just love them so much and they even made sure to get me snacks I can eat even with all my allergies and I just feel very loved and valued by them and it is so horrible that their administration is like actively trying to destroy their whole office 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[echo-bleu]

Writing thoughts

I've been in something like writing limbo since the start of the year. Wordcount-wise, I've written about as much in three months as I often do in one (45k), and I've had more days of no writing at all than I've had since, uh. 2018, or thereabout. It's a combination of work picking up and tiring me out, and being kind of confused about what fandom I'm currently in xD

What I wouldn't do to be a full time writer, though.

The truth is, I've found myself at a loss, procrastinating, aimlessly scrolling, and generally doing nothing (aside from rereading LOTR on my usual writing/drawing time). While it's certainly needed at time to not be productive, it's not actually good for my mental health right now, so I'm going to give myself a bit of a motivation boost and sign up for Camp NaNo with a 40k goal. It's okay if I don't meet it, but it's a fairly reasonable goal for me and it will force me to at least attempt to write every day. I'm here, if anyone wants to be buddies.

I've hit a bit of a burnout regarding Witcher, and at the same time I got (back) into LOTR and started thinking about fics there but I'm not fully in, so to say, so this will be episode #TooMany of 'Echo tries to juggle two fandoms at the same time'. For the record, every other episode failed miserably.

Things I want to write (at least bits of):

Original short story that will remain a mystery for now: it's going to be fairly short and it's well in progress already, with a full plot and a deadline, so it's the priority.

Witcher fics: - that thunder in your lungs: I was steadily writing the main fic of this series when things went sideways... And I have far too many ideas for the rest of it. - for all the things that drum: Again, many ideas! The priority is the sequel to Dandelion Season where Jaskier's powers are actually explained, but then the rest of the series will be after his jump back in time. - if your voice begins to crack: I need to sort through the writing I already have to see what can be posted, because it's a shame that it's all just sitting there waiting for a part I'm struggling with. And then write said part, hopefully. - left you behind just standing there: I have four chapters ready to go, I just need to get my ass into gear and write out the rest.

LOTR fics: - Long fic that's probably too niche for anyone to read, but I'm stoked about it, and I'd like to at least properly plot it out. It's a heist! It's dark and angsty! Sauron has the Ring! It's very fucked up but I love it. - I have started two different parts of a series of Faramir-centric fics set post-canon, that include a variety of queer and disabled characters and a lot of recovering and trying to heal from trauma. Less high-stakes, they'll mostly be short-ish one-shots, hopefully.

Singer Street. My poor poor original novel that I keep putting on the backburner. Would be really nice if I managed to get back into that one.

[honeybeanboo]

genshin boys with eating disorders : pt. 1

DISCLAIMER: okay first off! i have an eating disorder and i wondered what my favorite characters would be like in my situation! i am not pro-ed whether it be BED, ednos or anorexia or others. i'm using this for comfort and please do not use this post to further your own disorder!

CHARACTERS:

albedo ✔

bennet ✔

chongyun ✔

diluc ✔

kazuha

kaeya

razor

childe

venti

xiao

xingqiu

zhongli

MAJOR TW //

eating disorders, mental health challenges, bodyshaming, dysphoria, self harm, fatphobia

┅ albedo ┅

❂ restrictive eating disorder

❂ started + time had: before the traveller arrived, he's had it for a year or so

❂ who knows: sucrose suspects although doesn't hasn't told anyone yet

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of albedo's ed is forgetfulness and recording

he works in his camp all day, at his desk, doing experiments which in itself takes up a ton of his time! what started the behaviors was simply overworking himself and to the point where he was almost getting sick [ :( albedo ] the alchemist would forget to eat, multiple meals a day he would skip, chemicals in the vicinity making it unpleasant to eat, so he would opt for nothing at all

albedo doesn't recognize what he's doing as an eating disorder, he pushes the thoughts away when they remind him of what he's doing and that it's wrong,,, over time, he would end up having a small breakfast and wouldn't eat until dinner, subconsciously slipping into a routine and writing down each meal he would have, taking care to never fill more than half his note-page

chemicals in his lab constantly are bubbling and changing, so even when he decides to eat, they interrupt him and he constantly leaves unfinished food on his desk for sucrose to find later and wonder why he always leaves it there

- has always been secluded but avoids mondstat more and more, sending sucrose into town for errands and stays in dragonspine to do experiments -- this leads to never getting new clothes and in turn, him working to stay in the clothes he has

- denies everything if mentioned, seems confused at the mention

- very protective of his notebook

THIS MAKES ME SAD ALBEDO SOBSD

┅ bennett ┅

❂ restrictive eating disorder

❂ started + time had: around the time he became friends with razor and met fischl - around 6 months

❂ who knows: fischl definitely knows but chooses not to say anything due to how bad she is with talking about feelings :(

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of bennett's ed is dysphoria and responsibility

as we all know, bennett has always had horribly bad luck and although he doesn't know it, a lot of people admire him for his perseverance, albeit avoiding his company

he almost always finds a way to overcome the overwhelming hopelessness and guilt of always relying on other people for help and bringing them down with him, but as he enters his 15th year, it gets too much :(

when he met razor, and befriended him, the boy was something of a miracle, he stuck around, he helped bennett and taught him survival tactics :D he was bennett's best friend but bennett felt so incredibly guilty about relying on him for protection, friendship, and good food, he began to turn it away and began to disappear without warning to neither fischl or razor

he would go out adventuring, trying to bring back things to cook for lisa, for razor, for fischl, for kaeya, for diona, he felt like a burden and gave back as much as he could to make up for the consequences his company brought

≡ trans bennet headcanon: he's always been told he's small and thin by his dads, even before transition, so after he began to do more physical activity and bulked up a bit, it weighed on his mind

- dysphoria plays a lot into bennett's ed, not wanting to fill out the curves he always hated

- after a particularly bad batch of eggs he had cooked up, he threw up in the cat's tail's bathroom and that in turn started a small purge cycle before someone in town noticed and took his to the doctor which scared him enough to make him stop

bennett i will just sob and cry on the floor

┅ chongyun ┅

❂ restrictive / purging eating disorder [overeating in beginning]

❂ started + time had: started during his intense studying period for his exorcisms (can't remember the specific method he mentions) - around 2 years

❂ who knows: no one, although an older woman that works at Wanmin Restaurant is worried about him

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of chongyun's ed is control and work

chongyun has always been unstable, whether it be physically or emotionally, due to his build-up of ying energy, so it's no surprise when he bubbles over during the crunch of studying. his teacher pushed him harder and harder each lesson and the things he had to do to keep his stirrings in check weren't the healthiest, one of which was eating specific foods in excess

he bubbled over one day and had a full on mental breakdown, but with his family not near the place he took lessons, he turned to the thing he thought was making his ying energy multiply, not the workload but instead the food

the exorcist's disorder waned off when he met xingqiu, it being the happiest time in his life, a friend to talk to about practically everything, but then when his exorcisms began to only cause distress to the people he thought they would help, his energy became too much and he began purging, which helped enough for him to continue [ :( i'm so sad ] the popsicles help to calm his stomach after a purge and he came up with a low cal recipe to eat tons of

- the calories didn't matter much to him, but xingqiu was very into numbers as well as books, so it began to weigh on him

- he passed off any bad mood as just tiredness from his work

- xingqiu, my man i love him but he's completely oblivious although slightly worried about "burnout" for his friend

┅ diluc ┅

❂ restrictive eating disorder

❂ started + time had: around when him and kaeya were fighting, like really fighting and he hurt him badly - 3 years

❂ who knows: a lot of people suspect, but either dismiss it, or are too scared to confront him due to his intimidating nature T-T

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of diluc's ed is discipline and control

diluc tends to be very critical of himself and very hard on himself, which you may not know just from talking to him, or even from being a friend of his, as he tends to keep a lot of stuff to himself - if he makes a mistake, he takes all measures to make sure it doesn't happen again

when he and kaeya were fighting and things got violent, he burnt him quite badly right on his eye which is the reason why the captain wears his eyepatch - this scarred the brothers' relationship badly and diluc quite took literally took those scars unto himself,,, he would let himself be burned easily by his elemental powers, constantly feeling the immense guilt of their tension :[ he healed easily, but would do it again and again

although kaeya forgives him, diluc continues to remind himself every so often that he is the reason for problems, taking the responsibility to fix them, even though they may not even be his! he acts alone and aloofly even when the other person doesn't blame him in the slightest [ TT ]

diluc doesn't drink, he doesn't want to lose control, he never wants to loose control, which is why people almost never see him eat

he eats in small portions and toughs it out, disciplining himself, trying to prove himself worthy to no one but himself

- people have offhandedly mentioned that the bartender never seems to eat or drink - "hardly seems human sometimes"

- when he was caught by the traveler being the darknight hero, this worsened this "discipline" for himself, the man not thinking himself worthy if he was defeated so easily

≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡

and that's part 1! i'll make a part two soon because this is really fun and i really enjoy making these- i will include a more wide range of eds in the second part which will be kazuha, kaeya, razor, and childe

bennett's really made me sad dang

anyway bye!

[emilyofjane]

Why the Disney Princesses definitely need therapy: a Hot Take

Snow White

Losing her parents as a child and having to learn to take care of herself at a very young age (Snow White is 14 in the movie, and judging by her work ethic, she appears to at least have some experience with living independently before moving in with the 7 dwarves)

Lack of socialization due to isolation

Depression due to isolation and loneliness. This makes the whole “Someday My Prince Will Come” thing much more believable, because Snow White really isn’t in any sort of immediate danger and doesn’t need “saving” or whatever; she’s just tired of being alone and wants human companionship. (And tbh who can blame her? The poor girl’s literally talking to birds and moved in with the first group of humanoid creatures she could find ffs)

This one’s a bit of a stretch, but I’m pretty sure Snow White would also have an unhealthy fear of strangers and/or an irrational fear of being poisoned after the whole apple fiasco

Cinderella

Being raised in an abusive home environment for most (if not virtually all) of her life

The complete lack of positive social interaction throughout her life has probably led to problems with social withdrawal and isolation at some point, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has repressed symptoms of chronic depression due to loneliness.

Her closest emotional confidants are literally two talking mice, and that just screams “My only friends are animals because their love is unconditional I’ve been invalidated and unloved by every human being in my life” (aka extreme emotional neglect)

She probably has tons of questions about her biological parents that were never answerd because, again, her stepfamily hated her, which would obviously lead to some emotional baggage

If we consider Cinderella III: A Twist in Time to be the new canon, she definitely has some unresolved PTSD from her near-death experience (the “almost getting crushed to death in the carriage because it was transforming back into a pumpkin” scene)

Aurora

Existential crisis because the three fairy godmothers basically rewrote her entire identity as “Rose” and hid the fact that she was a princess

Never knowing who her real parents were as a child, leading to emotional baggage similar to that of Cinderella and Snow White mentioned above

Either the emotional burden of having to make up for 16+ years of lost time with her biological family, or the grief of losing her biological family without ever getting the chance to know them (idk whether Aurora actually got to meet her parents by the end of the movie or if they died before she woke up, because I don’t remember exactly how much time had passed while she was in the coma)

Speaking of the spindle prick-induced magical coma (which is a really long-winded and inefficient way to kill someone honestly, idk what Melificent was thinking), Aurora also has to deal with the emotional burden of how much time has passed while she was in a coma, which would only further feed into the existential crisis and emotional trauma in bullet points 1 and 3.

(Also, off the record, but Aurora’s entire life post-movie is just a hot fucking mess and she really deserves a second movie exploring that concept imo. I know that Sleeping Beauty has already gotten a live-action villain spinoff, but the story of Aurora herself really deserves to be reexamined under a modern lens also. Aurora is easily one of the most overlooked Disney princesses and tbh she deserves more love.)

Belle (feat. the expanded lore from the live-action movie)

Witnessing her mother die from the plague in their own home

Being forceed to move from the more culturally progressive city of Paris to the unnamed “poor provential town” in the movie, where she is clearly the odd one out and is subject to gender inequality on a daily basis (in the form of being publically shamed and socially ostacized for being an educated woman)

Being regularly sexually harassed by Gaston, which is further exacerbated by the villagers and their close-mindedness. Not only is Gaston’s behavior enabled and encouraged by the villagers, but they even go so far as to idolize Gaston — as shown during his namesake song — despite his obviously predatory actions, simply because he is a cishet white man that they find conventionally attractive

Watching her father get arrested despite being 100% innocent...TWICE

Also being arrested when her father is wrongly convicted a second time, by none other than her abuser

Watching her lover — who besides her parents was the first person in her life who truly loved her and respected her intellect despite being a woman — nearly die in her arms, as well as everyone else in the castle (who ALSO respected her regardless of her gender) nearly die at the same exact time.

...And you know, Stockholm Syndrome or whatever. (But tbh, given how everyone in the castle was very kind and respectful and how the Beast was a tsundere at best, Belle would probably suffer far more from PTSD brought upon by Gaston and her previous environment than from “Stockholm Syndrome” in a castle where everyone actually treated her like a normal fucking human being. Unpopular opinion I know but as a sexual assault survivor this is literally a hill I will die on.)

Jasmine

I’ve actually never watched Aladdin all the way through, so unfortunately I can’t give a full analysis of Jasmine’s conflicts...but I have seen that gif of her saying “I am not a prize to be won” and that just screams “I’ve suffered a lifetime of female objectification and gender inequality despite my social status, and not even in the highest position of authority possible am I allowed to have a voice” and idk about you but that is really fucked up man

Ariel

PTSD from being manipulated by Ursula to give up her voice and nearly losing everything (both her previous life in the ocean and the promise of a new life on land with her love interest) because of it

Near-death experience from *vague hand gesture to whatever the fuck that was at the end of the movie*

Inevitable depression from abandoning the only home she’s ever known (the ocean) and leaving her friends and family behind

She’ll probably also need some form of behavioral therapy to help her adjust to her new home on land, whose culture is still extremely foreign to her — and maybe even additional therapy for social anxiety, given how her first 3 days of human interaction were so mortifyingly embarrassing that she’ll probably be laying wide awake at 3 AM and thinking “oh my god I can’t believe I looked Eric’s parents dead in the eyes and brushed my hair with a dinner fork” for the next 10 years.

Tiana

PTSD from literally being turned into a frog

Overworking herself to the point of near burnout, and being unable to fully live out her prime adult years because of said burnout

Constantly dealing with shitty customers, bosses, and other white-collared people disrespecting her and treating her as subhuman because of her career choice, which is unfortunately a common shared experience among restaurant workers and those who work hourly wages

Since this movie takes place in the United States presumably before the 1960’s, it’s probably safe to assume that Tiana also probably had to deal with segregation, Jim Crow laws, and other forms of racism off-screen on a daily basis, which would obviously take a toll on her mental well-being and further exacerbate the issues mentioned in #3

Grief from losing her dad, which has likely been repressed due to her workaholic tendencies denying her the ability to properly take the time to mourn

I don’t even know what to categorize the whole witch doctor shenanigans as, I just know that she and Naveen are both going to need some SERIOUS therapy after going through all that shit

Rapunzel

Being raised in an emotionally abusive and controlling environment for her entire life

Being completely isolated for 18 years with no social interaction whatsoever with anyone except her own abuser

Existential/identity crisis from discovering that she’s actually a princess, that her “mom” was actually the one who kidnapped her as a baby and tried to cut her hair, and that everything she knew about herself and the world she lived in was essentially a lie to keep her obedient to Gothel

Near-death experience (the drowning scene)

Internalized fear and mistrust in strangers — and quite possibly in people in general — due to Gothel’s lifelong warnings that people in the outside world would only want to take advantage of her

Watching the woman who raised her MERCILESSLY STAB THE ONLY OTHER PERSON SHE EVER KNEW AND LOVED IN THE GODDAMN CHEST

Watching the woman who raised her LITERALLY CRUMBLE TO DUST IN FRONT OF HER VERY EYES

WATCHING FLYNN, THE ONLY OTHER PERSON SHE EVER KNEW AND LOVED BESIDES HER GODDAMN ABUSER, FUCKING DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER before she miraculously healed him

Because Flynn’s revival was such an uncanny revival that not even Rapunzel knew how she did it, she obviously thought he was gone for good...and since Gothel was gone also, there must’ve been at least a split second before she healed Flynn where, for the first time in her entire life, she was completely and utterly alone. That alone deserves to be a bullet point because holy shit

I’m not even going to get into Tangled: the Series man this list is getting too long as it is

Elsa

Losing her parents at a young age

Abandonment and isolation issues (mostly self-inflicted due to her own fear of hurting others, see #3)

Internalized fear and self-doubt of her powers — and, by extension, fear and self-doubt in herself

Guilt from nearly plunging Arendelle into an eternal winter

Guilt from almost losing her sister (twice!) due to her own direct actions

(Coinciding with #3) Guilt from isolating herself from her sister to protect her, only to nearly get her killed by the very thing she was trying to protect her from

Anxiety. Just lots and lots of general anxiety.

(Omitting Frozen 2 for Elsa because I haven’t seen it yet and this list is getting too long)

Anna

Also losing her parents at a young age

Abandonment and isolation issues, but hers are moreso due to Elsa “shutting her out” as a kid and having no one else her age in the castle to interact with

Lack of socialization in general for much of her childhood, as well as any social anxieties/lack of social knowledge and etiquette/etc. that would come with it

Abusive relationship with Hans (I know it was only one day, but holy fuck that was a trainwreck. What Hans did to Anna is a literal breeding ground for PTSD and trauma)

Coming to terms with the fact that the trolls fucking erased her memories of Elsa having ice powers and that Elsa isolated herself to protect her (and not, you know, because she hated her or something)

Leftover guilt from holding a grudge against Elsa for most of her childhood for shutting her out, because NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL HER THAT IT WAS FOR HER OWN GOOD and she never knew why

Basically Anna and Elsa both need joint therapy or family counseling or something because holy shit their parents did NOT handle this situation properly AT ALL

(Also omitting Frozen 2 for Anna because I haven’t seen it and this list is also getting too long)

Moana

Surprisingly, Moana’s movie was relatively tame — in fact, because her tribe returned to voyaging and she is now exploring the seas/following her passion, these events were arguably beneficial to Moana’s mental health rather than detrimental. The only emotional baggage I can really imagine Moana having post-movie is leftover grief from her grandma dying and maybe the stress of having to put up with Maui’s shit

[growup-gloup]

This might be a question you can't really answer but i have a lot of issues and i know i would really benefit from therapy. But i simply cannot afford that rn. Even with insurance etc its still just too much money. How do i work through my mental health problems without the big expence of a therapist? Thankyou <3

Hi love, 

Unfortunately, a therapist is the only person who is trained to help you overcome the issues you have in mind. It isn’t something I can help with. At the same time, self-diagnosing can be a bad thing sometimes, especially if we do not have the education or self-awareness to properly diagnose. 

Another thing to keep in mind is that therapy isn’t one-size-fits all. Otherwise, therapists would provide guides like “Cure Depression in 5 Simple Steps!” It is an ongoing process that involves a lot of bad days before growth can occur, and it is a process that is designed uniquely for you. You can I could have the exact same issues and are going to the exact same therapist, but our treatment plan could be completely different from one another because of who we are as individuals and what we personally need to heal and grow.

If you cannot financially get a therapist, you can do the following things in the time being. Note that these are soft suggestions that could help make your day easier, not step-by-step instructions that will fix your problems.

Practice Self-Care. It doesn’t have to be extravagant like the spa days you see on Tumblr and YouTube, but make sure you’re taking a shower and brushing your teeth and feeding yourself everyday. Basic acts of self care can help alleviate some of the physical symptoms of mental illness and burnout, while also helping you clear your head. 

Attend Support Groups. See if there are local support groups and community health centers in your area. Some might even have free or cheap therapy available. Even if they don’t, the group sessions could help and the centers might provide some resources. 

Look for Self-Help Resources. This can be books, videos, podcasts, even blogs. Again, take the advice with a grain of salt and remember that not everyone heals and copes in the same way, and most of all, make sure that the people offering these resources know what they are talking about. Do they have some sort of background in psychology?

Write in a Journal. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can look up journal prompts on Tumblr or Pinterest. If you aren’t one for writing, you can record yourself. Basically, if you have no one to talk to, this will help you talk things out and let it out. When you say things out loud, or get it on paper, suddenly, the problem doesn’t seem as big anymore, and often times, while you are writing it out, you might even come up with solutions as you go.

💋

Ko-Fi

[junearmstrongs]

hello cutest pies !! i’m bird, back at it again in and so stoked to be bringing you june armstrong! she’s the lead guitar/backing vocals for gone girls and my teeny-tiniest, sunshine-iest babe. rages about a... few things, laughs about a trillion more. baby burnout with a heart of gold ♡ (a fuckin’ lot) more under the cut!

just a pastor’s daughter from dingle bells, oregon. technically a double pastor’s daughter, since both of her adoptive parents are pastors at a church in the next town over. it’s the largest church on the oregon coast and the bane of june’s existence. it’s all fire and brimstone under a thin layer of smiling proverbs and potluck luncheons, as so many churches are. june coming out as bisexual at thirteen turned out to be a very polarizing subject for the church, and june left immediately after.

the only part of church that june ever liked was hanging out at her grandparents’ house afterwards. their entire family – aunts, uncles, cousins, and all – gathered at their estate every week and enjoyed an unrivaled sense of community built by june’s grandmother. even outside of their family home evenings, grandma madeleine had a soft spot for june and her two sisters, and would take them to every zoo, museum, opera, and theatre within driving distance, making sure they experienced all the culture that their parents had no interest in showing them.

in 2015, when june was seventeen, her world was absolutely wrecked by the passing of her grandmother. by then, june was well into blossoming into a little punk who regularly skipped gym to play guitar in the orchestra practice rooms and semi-regularly skipped entire schooldays to join beach cleanups after big storms and go to concerts in portland. after losing her grandmother, june doubled down on rebelling against her parents. the summer before she left for college, she lived on a couch in a friend’s garage so she wouldn’t have to live with her parents.

june has worked at trio cinema since she was sixteen years old and trying to convince her Very Serious Parents that she was a serious person with drive and initiative (thus deserving of more freedom). this has given her the unique opportunity to have viewed the 1980s classic ferris bueller’s day off a record 297 times. this number is constantly growing. her Very Serious Parents are not convinced that she is a serious person.

nowadays, she lives in an apartment with three girls she met in an introductory psychology course during her single year of college. the other girls have all dated each other but it’s mostly chill vibes in front of june. they make up for any tension by being what some would call overly-affectionate with her. when she first moved in with the second-most important girl group of her life, the affection was pretty scaled back, but now they’re all a little too comfortable with each other.

in an attempt to teach her some discipline, june’s parents started her in violin lessons around the fifth grade. she dutifully learned how to read music, but abandoned her violin lessons less than two years later. after that, she spent a couple of years slowly teaching herself guitar until she discovered rush at fifteen. then every single day after that was spent strumming on her first guitar (a gift from her grandmother) until she got good enough to play her favorite rush album start to finish. her foray into making her own music started out clumsily, but that all changed with gone girls. besides the time june broke her leg doing a jump off of one of her amps, there’s nothing clumsy about how hard gone girls goes off.

despite some internal skepticism, june is an enthusiastic fan of the zodiac, tarot readings, psychics, and anything relating to witchcraft. she’s cleansed every apartment she’s ever had with home grown sage and owns several different crystals for healing, joy, love, strength, etc. her love of the occult started with her aunt when she was young, primarily from watching hocus pocus and buffy the vampire slayer over and over. they also read stephen king stories and made homemade bath bombs together, which always felt particularly witchy.

her crowning achievements include: being voted “most likely to be late” by her graduating class, hotboxing a showing of encino man and calling it the ‘stoned age smokeathon 2k16’, and being blocked by director richard kelly on twitter for harassing him about donnie darko theories, questions, and straight up crazy rants.

when she’s not chowing down at rosie’s or finding inner peace at the town’s most graffitied half pipe, june keeps up to date with as many oscar hopefuls and arthouse newcomers as she can, and spends a considerable amount of late nights on her laptop, watching old classics that make her nostalgic for a time she didn’t exist in. her trivia trophies are some of her proudest possessions and her banishment from as many trivia nights some of her proudest memories.

if you’re down, check out june’s about page here and her pinterest board here! i’ve also got a connections page here that’s only halfway shitty. i’m ready af for plots and you can hit me up on discord or tumblr ♡

[fmdjoosungarchive]

location: mainly daisung’s apartment

date: ~april-sept 2020

word count: 1967

tldr; verification for sung’s song badbye. full everything. the beginning reads so pretentious and dramatic i’m so sorry. sung has a dream about his first best friend (peep the call back to the first loves series) and it sets him on a spiral of self-negativity, thinking he’s bad for everyone he loves and they’re all gonna want to leave him some day. copious mentions of daisuke, who is featuring on the song, mention of yujin, and unnamed references to sung’s friends

“but you could! you could just leave me!” the sound must have been deafening, but all sound muffled. sung barely heard himself. “you can just- just decide you don’t want me anymore! and i- i can’t-” his knees felt weak, sudden as it was, and he collapsed forward, breathing in the heat of daisuke’s body against his own. that warmth was infuriating, but right below that, taking up the majority of space within sung, in every last crevasse, was a deeper pit, hollow and eternally empty. the voice that came out of sung’s mouth was broken apart, near unrecognizable as his own, “please... please don’t leave me.”

-

static, with his finger pressed down on the rubber tipped button of the remote. the television was older, blocky, thick rimmed. the one from his home in gwangju. he registered, then, that he was in the sitting room of said apartment. but, unlike the home from back then, filled with ambient noise of his mother milling about, starting their dinner hours far ahead of time as she preferred to every day, his father flipping through papers or rattling off to his itty bitty brother about sports, said brother nodding enthusiastically despite only understanding every fifth word, this room was silent, save for the static.

zzt.

blue glow combined from the greyed out screen, must have been covering his face. he could feel blue, as a tangible object, a taste in his mouth, an ink on his eyes, a scent perforating his brain.

sung changed the channel, and there he was. in the same white shirt and grey pants he was in the last time he ever saw him. his first best friend.

he didn’t look happy. he was mouthing something, but sung couldn’t hear it over the static. volume button pressed, again, again, five, ten, thirteen times. the static became deafening, tempting sung to cover his ears again, but -he heard it. quiet as ever, sung needed to lean forward to make sure he was hearing correctly. a shout, in english. you know why, over and over.

his fingers fumbled for the buttons again as his heart sped up, to change the channel yet again, but there the boy was, never having left. the sound only got louder, and louder still the more times sung attempted to change the channel. what whispered shout he’d heard before was shouted in his ears now, like the words circled him, pushed closer inward with the force of static, trapping him in.

tears fell from his eyes in buckets, as if within a few minutes he might have been stranded in his own tears like alice. his hands did cover his ears then, trying to dull the sound, but it had no effect. he screamed back, “i’m sorry! i loved you! i’m sorry! please!” a litany of sorry’s continued, until his voice grew hoarse, and all that came out was static.

-

sung woke with a start. every bit of lining in his mouth was dry, along with a chalk filled throat and tongue. his cheeks opposed that feeling, accessorizing with streaks of salted water dripping all the way down to his chin, starting from his tear ducts.

instinct took over as sung’s hand flopped down next to him with power, only to smack upon empty bedsheets beside him. suddenly, his heart matched that of his dream self.

-

he couldn’t taste the blue, though the computer’s light lit up his face anyway. one leg was pulled up onto the chair, arm wrapped around it. no matter how hard he’d been trying, everything he ended up coming up with that day sounded doom and gloom. if he was thinking more clearly, more rationally, sung might have told himself to open up to that feeling, to let himself feel it enough it can dissipate with time. right then, his eyes half focused on the funnel shape of light coming off of his phone that had been left open for so long it was running on low battery.

a bad habit, that red bar was. sung wasn’t bad about charging his phone usually, but the red bar represented something else. it was the indicator of the tens of text threads that had been pushed up to the top of his messages.

you like me, right?

i’m sorry if i’ve ever hurt you.

you’ll be my friend forever? please?

i know you don’t want to talk to me...

don’t lie to me, please

it’s okay if you don’t like me

don’t leave me

one after the next, insecurities on blast. a nasty habit. sung kept to himself, when he was feeling at his lowest, for reasons like that. no one needed to shoulder his irrational mind that was bordering on manipulation. it manipulated himself, and when he let it, others.

that funnel of light had invaded every part of the studio, even into the screws lodged in the desk. there was no getting away from this, no distraction. his feelings demanded they be felt, right then, in anything he did. if someone had passed by quickly, they could feel the heady emotions pulsing out of the door. even if they didn’t pass by, they could hear it, in the wafting, wailing sounds of something akin to an empty cathedral’s organ.

a sludge-ing smack of the apartment door closing, and sung’s heart skipped a beat, momentarily paralyzed. daisuke. more than any other, his boyfriend had dealt with the brunt of his unwell text messages. between each new conversation pushed up to the top of his messages, was another message to daisuke. even then, the coned phone light crowned the king.

his writing programs laid open, nearing on sleep, unsaved, second tier to sung standing up. the chair he’d been sitting on bounced with the force of his lift, and if it were possible, the floor might have bounced with each step as he made his way to the entrance.

what might have usually been a warm, gentled welcome to the love of his life, was replaced with a trembling jaw and tightened muscles. “who have you been with all day?”

sung wasn’t the type of person to yell when he was upset. frankly, he didn’t even yell much when he was excited. but the cries coming from his mouth sounded eerily like a tinny white noise, a million cicadas seeking mates, a buzzing static of a tv.

-

only after his tears had drenched daisuke’s shirt, and his hands had created what seemed like permanent wrinkles, and large, warm hands, much different than his own, had sent cozy heat onto every inch of his body, could sung calm down.

-

another day on, his worries felt distant. at first, he required the unyielding grip of daisuke’s arms around him as he woke up, keeping him tethered to the promises he’d been given the day before. however, as the days passed, it became easier to trust in that once again, and settle his insecurities into their own box.

long after his welcomes had become once again filled with kisses and the touch of skin, was when sung finally felt ready to try to tackle those emotions, and the song he’d accidentally started.

healing was never easy, though. listening back to what he had written, and did end up remembering to save the next morning, brought back all of the terrible feelings he’d been having while writing it. no matter how far he had come to distance himself in daily life from the feelings, they still existed within him, ready to be brought to the surface at any given point.

now wasn’t that time. sung had decided as much. he’d made sure to get a decent night of sleep, and to have spent as much time with those he cared for as possible in the days leading up to this attempt. sung could handle this.

he took it from a more professional standpoint, rather than purely emotional as he had before. while what he’d written was beautiful, it was disjointed together, mixed improperly, and not in a way that was purposeful. although, he realized that it could be purposeful to have the sound a little disjointed, especially if he wrote some kind of lyric basis to the song. after having written dystopia for our songs, sung felt a little more comfortable with the idea, if not excited for such a thing.

if this song worked as an interlude of sorts, it didn’t need to be anything fancy. so, sung worked. he took all of his experiences from that terrible day, and fit them together in a song that was just a little off.

within that same day, sung finished what he’d started before, wrote lyrics, a melody for said lyrics, and mixed it together in a first draft sort of style. it was a feeling of burnout over having sat working on the same thing for so long, over burnout of the song itself, that had him packing up his day there. and with fresh eyes later on, fresh ears that could listen to the song more objectively, to think, this really could work on the album.

he’d been writing for his album long enough that he’d mixed dozens of songs with the same soundscape, a uniformity across the majority of everything he’d written for the album, so the cohesiveness necessary wasn’t a difficult task. probably, the hardest part, was the idea he’d had towards the end of producing.

static.

this song was meant to be an unabridged look into his mind that day, right? and, if there was one thing that had encapsulated every part of that day, it was that terrible sound. as an interlude, it was even more compelling. however, that meant he’d be required to capture the sound. sung considered, for a moment, asking a friend to do it for him, but... he knew this was his own battle to win.

in the end, it wasn’t as terrible as he thought it would be, even if his sweat glands and heart valves may have disagreed.

the final piece, ended up being a singer. sung didn’t think the demo recording he’d done was bad per say, considering there wasn’t a whole lot of technical skill needed for what he’d written, but it certainly wasn’t what he’d wanted.

naturally, sung turned to those close to him. while that was common for him in pretty much any scenario, his demo songs filled to the brim with demos sung by yujin, this was more of a need. he wasn’t sure who he could trust to share this with, especially before it had ever been presented to the company. for all intents and purposes, this piece was sung baring the parts of his soul that not even the people closest to him got to see often. the best -and safest- choice, was the man who had seen him that exact day, had experienced how he felt, and continued to love him anyway.

he’d gone over and over again in his head how he might approach the situation, trying to think of his words more carefully so he wouldn’t trip over them when it came to actually talking to daisuke. and he did so anyway. but, thankfully, call it the power of being in love or something, daisuke readily agreed.

even in the recording booth, sung knew that his fears had still led him to the right decision. daisuke’s voice on the track was as hauntingly beautiful as he could never attempt to pull off. by the end of that day, sung, creativity and love overflowing, had mixed the song, finishing up the last touches, to officially add to his folder for the next album review.

[electriccenturypl]

“A drug and alcohol addiction after MCR split only made his side project Electric Century harder to handle – then Way learned to close the door on a dark chapter.

All the best bands are a ragtag bunch: The Beatles, Oasis, Spice Girls. A collection of weird and wonderful characters, the magic of a timeless musical group comes from their collective identity, Avengers-style, and My Chemical Romance were no exception. The ringleaders of late 00s emo were fronted by iconic, hair dye-wielding singer Gerard Way – a camp, glam-gone-gothic figure who could switch from whispered confessions to blood-curdling howls in seconds. He came backed by guitarists Frank Iero and Ray Toro, punk rock's prince and fretboard nerd respectively. And then there was bassist Mikey Way.

Perpetually shadowy and often sporting emo-staple horn-rimmed glasses, Mikey was MCR's mysterious heartthrob; the quiet yin to his brother Gerard's mad hatter yang. He became something of an anti-hero for many of the band's followers, his quiet demeanour perfectly aping the fragile, teenage anxieties much of their fanbase were battling with. But there was a more troubling edge to Mikey's introspection, hidden behind the eyeliner and that perfectly swooped fringe.

Self-medicating with drugs and alcohol to treat paralysing stage fright and help compartmentalise MCR's anxiety-inducing agenda in the wake of The Black Parade's explosive success , he soon found solace in slinking ever further into the shadows. Mikey became drug-dependent quickly, saying in a Kerrang!interview ahead of MCR's 2011 Reading & Leeds headline slot that he saw intoxication as "a means to an end", cocktailing drugs to both help him to get up on stage, and come down in the aftermath. His sole source of constant light through it all was long-time friend, Sleep Station vocalist and New London Fire figurehead Dave Debiak. The voice notes they sent each other back and forth became a near-decade long exchange of musical ideas for Electric Century, a barely-existent side project Mikey could never find the time for.

Despite living on opposite coasts, Mikey and Dave remain thick as thieves. "We text about music, and life, all day long," Mikey says today, across a patchy transatlantic phone line. Now, he's a notably more chipper character than the one portrayed in his MCR days, peppering his stories with a lively giggle and an almost childlike enthusiasm. His relationship with Dave kick-started at a pre-MCR barbecue held by Dave's brother Marc (former owner of MCR's first record label, Eyeball), where the pair bonded immediately over a mutual love of new wave, post-punk and Britpop. Even now, they share memories of early Duran Duran and Missing Persons shows, and a joint childhood dream of "being Simon Le Bon". "It kinda went from there," Mikey smiles, "We became fast friends, I became a fan of his music, and I was like, 'Man, if I ever want to do a side-project one day, this is the dude I would do it with'."

Electric Century's debut album For The Night To Control is the result of that longstanding friendship. A full-hearted embrace of those early influences, it's a who's-who of late 80s references, sweeping through sultry pop and onto the grittier gloom of new wave. With that joint dream of being Simon Le Bon come to fruition, you can hear the pair's half a lifetime of shared experience throughout – every twist and turn feels like second nature, evidence of a semi-telepathic bond between the two friends.

Before all that could form, though, Mikey hit crisis point. The effects of spending several life-changing years in one of the world's biggest rock bands and the major label "machine" that comes with it began to manifest. Long-standing drug use and a relentless schedule came to a head with the dissolution of My Chemical Romance in 2013. Unable to find an off-switch when things went from 100 to nil, Mikey instead threw himself into his sidelined project without a moment's pause. Struggling with overdoses and failing relationships throughout MCR's latter years, Mikey nevertheless insisted he still had so much to say, but launching straight into Electric Century only exacerbated the problems he was trying to ignore. "I had done MCR for 12 years straight, so I was very much in the 'let's go' mode," he says now. "I didn't want to take a break, I wanted to go right into it." It was a self-destructive measure that led to "complete burnout", he's quick to share. "I was emotionally drained – I was barely human at that time."

It took Dave's intervention to finally drag Mikey out of the shadows. Calling him out to the US' East Coast in February 2014 on the pretence of a recording session, Dave instead spent the time during Mikey's flight phoning every local rehab facility to find one that'd take his friend in. "When he arrived, I just got him in the car and was like, 'Yeah, we're not recording. We're going to rehab'," Dave says. Mikey didn't put up a fight. "He's done so well," Dave continues, "because he definitely knew that he needed the help – it wasn't something that he was in denial of. He was in full agreement that shit needed to change."

And so on the day Electric Century were granted their first magazine cover byAlternative Press, Mikey covertly checked himself into a month-plus stint in rehab. In his stead, Electric Century released just one track, "I Lied", which itself reads like a confession of guilt: "Everything that's weak goes through the window / I gently fill my veins, watching all the doors close."

What followed was a steady road to recovery. All music took a backseat, and Mikey wasn't even sure he'd be able to write again, sober. "I was used to being a certain way when I wrote music," he tells me, of how drug use felt an intrinsic part of his creative process. "I was usually medicated on some level." With Mikey newly sober for the first time in decades, Electric Century sat dormant once more, their hastily-assembled, almost-there debut album For The Night To Control existing as little more than files on a laptop for seven months – a memoir of a dark period Mikey would rather forget. "There's something in me I could never trust ," warns "Until The Light Goes Out On Me", while closer "Live When We Die" practically begs for redemption: "Wrapped up in the comfort of your love / Don't come undone ."

"You can really tell, like, 'That guy's going through something'," Mikey says of the record's subject matter, with a laugh. Flippant though he may be about their first LP, there's no denying its power as a tool of healing. While Mikey worked on rebuilding his personal life, Dave returned to New London Fire. "The healing that needed to take place," Dave says, "the band had to be secondary to that. It's not on the top list of priorities, when you're dealing with getting well." That seems a common sense attitude now, perhaps, but a world away from the relentless, major label "machine" that Mikey says he was trapped in during his darkest moments.

One day, though, that electric feel came flooding back. Digging out For The Night To Control, Mikey found himself inspired once more by the music they'd created. Months spent watching Gerard Way's solo career and Frank Iero's various new projects from the crowd had lit the spark – "I got to watch my brother do his thing, and I got to watch Frank do his thing, and they're fuckin' legends. It was fuckin' awesome!" – and now, the time felt right. Linking up once more in upstate New York come late 2014, they finally finished a story that had started back at the turn of the millennium.

For The Night To Control is a world away from Mikey's past endeavours. Sprawling synths draw on those gloomy, new wave influences like never before, and the bark of My Chemical Romance has been replaced with a more glistening bite. It's a whole different side to the goth kid's coin – a full-stop on a dark chapter of his life. Mikey is quick to downplay any suggestion that he might regret those years at the top, though, and keen to emphasise the importance of MCR's golden years.

"What we had done was once in a lifetime, and I'm thankful for it. That's why I look back and I'm not frustrated – I'm like, 'Dude, what we did? That doesn't happen.' Any amount of time that it existed was fine by me. Just to be there, I was thankful, and just to be able to be part of that was a dream. If it lasted five years or 12 years, it's all icing on the cake to me."

These days, Mikey and Dave have swapped prescription drugs for pancakes at a local diner as the precursor to their writing sessions. Mikey's spark has returned, too, due in no small part to a baby daughter, born this past May. The pair enthuse about "two more albums' worth" of demos and recordings they're now sat on, and talk feverishly about their complex plans for an upcoming duo of debut live shows. There's an energy and excitement that couldn't feel further from the gaunt, bass-toting mope Mikey once was known as. "I feel like the glue is set amongst the pieces now," he says, the caricature of his dark days at last a distant memory. "I feel like a complete person."

Photo credit: Jason Debiak.

Follow Tom on Twitter.” - noisey

[denim910-ault-blog]

Oh, boy.

Hello, all! I’m pretty sure I haven’t posted anything on Tumblr in four months or longer.... but, hello. I am here. I created this blog after I graduated high school to document my life and I think I did an okay job with it until a little before I left for England. Probably because that’s when my life got just a little bit crazy. So there’s a lot to fill you in on. Brace yourself.

ENGLAND:

     So I went to England/France and it was without a doubt one of the greatest experiences of my life. I got to travel the cities I had been dreaming of my whole life with my best friend. I kept promising to post pictures but I suck and never did. I posted a ton on my Instagram though (you just may have to scroll a little): @denim910. I’m so lucky to have been able to call London home for a couple of weeks and I can’t wait to go back someday.

JANUARY:

     I got back from London Jan 8th and jumped straight back into school Jan 9th. I had a very difficult time re-adjusting and it really played into my internship at 7 Hills. I went through a really dry season during this month. As I fasted for 21 days, I prayed for release from the burnout I was feeling.

FEBRUARY:

     The burnout began to release and this month was a bit more of a breath of fresh air. Jonathan and I had our 6 months, we got to go away for a week in South Carolina (right on the beach) for our staff and intern retreat. And of course, one of my favourite Sundays of the year... OSCAR SUNDAY. Feb was good to me this year.

MARCH:

     March for the most part was good to me as well. I turned 20, started recording for our 7 Hills original worship album, and was finding rhythm and peace again in the internship and my life. I was killin’ it. That was the last half of the month... I only was able to change my mindset because of the rough start to March. I had surgery again (the same one I had just had a year and a half ago). I was diagnosed with TMJ (super severe lockjaw) due to stress from grinding and clenching my teeth/jaw for the past 6ish years. My tooth I had waited patiently for for 5 years had to be removed again. And I was just really beat-down, self-conscious, in a lot of pain, and just angry I had let my anxiety grow like this. I really began to channel my relationship with God and things really began to look up.

APRIL:

     If you don’t want to get stressed out, do not read this month. (Except for the fact that my best friend got engaged and it’s basically the best thing ever.) This month was the most fun/most stressful/most heartbreaking. I did a lot of fun things, my boyfriend turned 25 (he’s so cute you guys), my best friend got engaged. School was MEGA stressful. THE hardest semester by far. Lots of crying. Lots of “where is Jesus,” lots of my boyfriend saying “omg chill here is ice cream I love you.” Aaaand the internship. I’ve been spending this year in our youth department-- Legacy Youth Culture. I unfortunately came to the realization that this wasn’t (the department) I wanted to do anymore. It caused an awful depression, bitterness, and anger inside of me that I still feel sad about today. These people were my family and I had grown angry with them. I was heartbroken and I didn’t know what to do. April has been the most difficult month of 2017 so far.

MAY:

     May started as April ended: lots and lots of tears. But hey, I finished my sophomore year of college and I only have 3 semesters to go. I ended up switching departments to our Operations team (conferences, events, First Impressions, Summit, etc. etc. etc.). I love it so much and I’m so thankful to have a second chance. I started off my rotation with a family vacation in Asheville and my soul has felt refreshed ever since.

JUNE:

     June has been pretty great. My sister is at Governor's School for the Arts and I miss her. I love my new department.I got a second job. The only thing I ask is that you all pray for my family. At the end of this month I found out my grandma’s cancer has spread and they aren’t sure how long she has. Just pray strength as my family learns to let her go if she wants to go, or healing if she wants to stay.

WHAT TO EXPECT IN JULY:

     July has already been amazing. I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend,friends, and family who I love. I get to pick my sister up from GSA this Saturday (she’s been gone for THREE weeks), my brother turns 13, we have our BIG youth conference next week (STOKED/NERVOUS), I’m going to visit my grandma, and Jon and I are getting close to our one year (August 21). I’m ready for July and thankful for this year so far. Here’s to the last half of 2017!

[thetappingsolution]

The Tapping World Summit 2019

2019 marks our 11th annual Tapping World Summit!

That's right! It's been 11 years since we at The Tapping Solution launched our first one.

And it's been our goal from the beginning to make each year better than the last. This year is no exception, and we've got some special presentations in store for you.

You know what makes our Tapping World Summits so popular?

It's because for 10 days out of the year, we bring in some of the TOP MINDS in the fields of EFT and personal development to guide you towards improving nearly every area of your life!

And it's all FREE!

Emotional Freedom Techniques, also known as EFT or simply "Tapping," has been scientifically proven to provide relief from stress, anxiety, chronic pain, emotional problems, addictions, fears & phobias, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), and so many other conditions.

Tapping is also a very effective tool for attracting abundance, losing weight, manifesting your goals & desires, healing relationships, and attaining inner peace.

If you are asking yourself, "What is EFT Tapping?" or "How can one technique do so much?" then jump on over to our Tapping 101 page to learn some of the basics.

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What Is the Tapping World Summit 2019?

February 25th, 2019 - March 6th, 2019

The Tapping World Summit 2019 is a Virtual Online Event presented by The Tapping Solution, produced by myself, Nick Ortner, and hosted by my sister Jessica Ortner.

This incredible online event is about providing you with a better understanding of Tapping, while expanding your consciousness to new levels in the areas of personal peace, physical health, abundance, overcoming mental barriers, and relief from the emotional effects of past traumas or events.

Over 2 million people have attended the previous ten Tapping World Summits, with attendance growing each year, and reaching over 500,000 just last year alone!

The event itself will run for 10 consecutive days from Monday, February 25th through Wednesday, March 6th featuring two 100% content-only presentations each day, along with calming Tapping Meditations and insightful bonus audios.

These free sessions are available for a FULL 24 HOURS after their initial broadcast.

The reason I structure the event this way is because I want everyone to be able to access this information, regardless of time zone or financial ability.

It's all available for FREE, with the option to purchase the recorded event sessions for you to listen to and tap along with as many times as you want.

Some of these sessions from our Tapping World Summits are SO powerful, that I listen to them over and over again! They really are that good!

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How to Register for the 2019 Tapping World Summit

REGISTRATION OPENS FEBRUARY 14th!

Join 20 of the world's leading EFT Tapping Experts in this FREE Online 10-Day Event starting February 25th, 2019.

Tapping World Summit 2019 Pre-launch Content

Every year, I like to release several free videos & audios leading up to the Tapping World Summit because it gives you a tiny glimpse into the transformational content that awaits you inside the full 10-day event.

Here is the schedule for this year's Tapping World Summit pre-launch. Enjoy, and please share!

THIS VIDEO RELEASES FEBRUARY 4th

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THIS VIDEO RELEASES FEBRUARY 7th

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THIS VIDEO RELEASES FEBRUARY 11th

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11th Annual Tapping World Summit 2019 Schedule

Monday - February 25th

DAY 1 - The Stress Effect - How to Overcome Burnout, Weight Gain, and More

Jessica Ortner - Tapping Into Body Confidence: The Key to Unlocking Your Weight Loss Struggle

Dr. Kim D'Eramo - Releasing Anxiety: Using Tapping to Let Go of the Paralysis of Anxiety

  Tuesday - February 26th

DAY 2 - Self Love and Self Care

Cheryl Richardson - Learning to Love: Healing the Internal Critical Voice that Holds Us Back

Iyanla Vanzant - The Power of Radical Forgiveness: How to Forgive Everyone for Everything with Tapping

  Wednesday - February 27th

DAY 3 - Creating Inner and Outer Success

Jack Canfield - How to Target and Release the Blocks that are Impeding Your Success

Carol Look - Ending the Self-Sabotaging Behaviors that Block Success

  Thursday - February 28th

DAY 4 - Finances and Attracting Abundance

Margaret Lynch - Clearing Debt: Eliminating the Emotional Burden of Debt to Finally Allow You to Move Forward

Alex Ortner - How to Use Tapping to Improve Clarity, Focus, and Productivity to Create the Success You Deserve!

  Friday - March 1st

DAY 5 - Healing Your Body/ Pain Relief Day

Julie Schiffman - From Diagnosis to Hope: Releasing the Tension and Stress of a Health Challenge

Nick Ortner - A Faster Solution: Understanding and Healing Pain and Illness

  Saturday - March 2nd

DAY 6 - Relationship Day

Dr. Christiane Northrup - Deep Into the Heart: Healing Your Relationship with Your Mother

Alina Frank and Dr. Craig Wiener - Reigniting the Flame: The Secrets to Moving Beyond a Relationship Slump

  Sunday - March 3rd

DAY 7 - Manifesting Your Greatest Self

Pamela Bruner - Reconciling Money and Spirituality: How to be Spiritual and Abundant

Nick Ortner - Manifesting Your Greatest Self: Using Tapping to Bring Out the Greatness Within You

  Monday - March 4th

DAY 8 - Emotional Gridlock

Brad Yates - Making Peace with the Past: From Resentment and Regret, to Forgiveness and Freedom

Gene Monterastelli - Managing Anger: Discovering How to Best Experience, Prevent and Release Anger

  Tuesday - March 5th

DAY 9 - Energy/ Tapping Tools day

Carol Tuttle  - Whose Energy Is It? Using Tapping to Release Negative Energy from Others

Dr. Dawson Church - Scientific Research: Inspiring Proof that Tapping is Changing the Physiology of Your Brain and Body

  Wednesday - March 6th

DAY 10 - Creating Daily and Lasting Change/Transformation

Jessica Ortner - Creating Lasting Change: How to Get Unstuck and Create Change with Ease!

Ester Nicholson - The Addiction Behind the Addiction: Tapping to Overcome the Bondage of Addictions

And there will be LOTS more bonuses, tapping meditations, and special audios available all throughout the Summit.

We hope you'll join us!

Do you have a memorable breakthrough or a particular interview from this Tapping World Summit that has changed your life? We'd LOVE for you to share your story! Just use the link below.

How Tapping Changed My Life

Until next time...

Keep Tapping!

Nick Ortner

The Tapping World Summit 2019 is a 10-day Virtual Online Event presented by The Tapping Solution, and hosted by New York Times bestselling authors, Nick Ortner and his sister Jessica Ortner.

The following post The Tapping World Summit 2019 was originally published to: The Tapping Solution

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Season 13 Episode 22: Leave It Inside

Songs of the Episode:

Running Man by Ollie Gabriel

U + Me (Love Lesson) by Mary J Blige

The One That You Want by Madi Diaz

Synopsis:

The Episode opens with Mer cleaning her room at three o’clock in the morning: She takes the tumor drawing off the wall. That’s right, she took the tumor drawing off the wall. Yes the same tumor that both her and Derek worked on together. She’s trying to move on and she’s taking baby steps (sorry MerDer fans!). But I will say I’m happy for her that she’s trying to open her heart again.

It’s resident review season and they are starting to make recommendations specialties and possible departures. They describe Warren as safe (saying he needs to take more risks), Jo as strong in ortho with a head for neuro (she has plenty of options), and Edwards as a strong candidate for neuro (the specialty she really wants).

Deluca asks Stephanie if she knows if Karev and Jo are together. She tells her she isn’t sure… Real quick aside here: as Jo’s best friend, HOW ON EARTH DO YOU NOT KNOW IF KAREV AND JO ARE TOGETHER? Please explain this to me?… Anyway, she realizes that he likes Jo, but tell him to let that go.

An adorable little boy shows up to the ER. He took a train all by himself because he has constant headaches and wants to get examined. Unfortunately without parental consent they cannot check the child. But all bets are off when he begins seizing. They step in to help and order scans. It turns out he has a brain tumor and needs an operation to remove it. The tumor must be removed in order to survive. At this point his parents show up to the hospital and are caught up to speed. They decide not to consent because they don’t believe in medical intervention. Furious, Stephanie helps discharge the patient while being extremely sassy and judgy toward the parents. Eliza is appalled with Edwards with the way she spoke to parents and reprimands her. Alex then finds out that patient is discharged without his knowledge and flips out on both Edwards and Eliza. Eliza is a jerk about it by bringing up his legal issues and saying that he shouldn’t jeopardize himself given his recent record. (Low blow Eliza!) A few hours later the little boy returns to the emergency room looking for Dr. Karev. Stephanie finds him and guides him to Karev, but finds out that he has gone blind from the tumor. Alex and Steph realize that the only way to save him is to lie on his charts and say that he had a seizure. This makes his case emergent and an excuse to operate. They use the Minnick method to spite her (where the attending writes the orders for the resident). They take him to surgery and remove the tumor without Amelia’s knowledge. The father threatens to have both of their licenses revoked, their jobs taken, and jail time. Mother stays quiet and is relieved that her son is now healed. Karev said he’d go to jail for this one. Minnick is extremely angry at both Karev and Steph. Stephanie tells her off. She talks to the father about how he only had one job and that was to do everything in his power to protect his child. He recants that it’s God’s job. As he walks away, Steph throws her tablet at the father. Karev talks with the mother and realizes she was the one who dropped him to the hospital.

Minnick goes to Webber and Bailey about Stephane’s behavior. They both brush it off and are reluctant to give any disciplinary actions. She believes Steph is going through resident burnout. Stephanie walks in and apologizes for what she did. But they decide to revoke her privileges and force her to go to counseling.

April, Maggie, and Mer are working with another patient across the hospital. Holly has a large cardiac tumor, and decides that she's gonna spend the rest of her life having sex with as many people as she wants. NBD. She was at the house of man in which she was having a one night stand with and when she tried to find a bathroom she ended up finding the front door by falling down a flight of stairs. She has splenic bleed and will need surgery. Maggie takes a look at her scans and believes she can remove the tumor. Having gotten her hopes up too many times with the thought her tumor could be removed, she declines the offer. But Maggie keeps pushing. Holly explains that she’s been through this before and that every doctor is the same. (they think they can fix it, she consents, they get stuck and can’t, and she has to comfort them by telling them that they tried their best). Mer is able to convince her by telling her that “the scary thing isn’t dying, it’s surviving and learning to live again.” Reluctant, she agrees to the surgery. They operate and realize the cancer has spread beyond the point of repair. They are forced to close and give their sincerest apologies. She then completes the cycle by comforting them. (Mer realizes that they have put her through it again and feels bad).

Warren is working with Jackson on a case and they must make a decision to amputate a patient’s arm or try to salvage it. Webber asks Warren his opinion and he picks the safer option in to amputate. He also see’s him later on working the pit rather than in an OR. Webber finally confronts him and tells him that he is a surgeon and should start acting like one. With a new burst of confidence, he tells Stephanie that he’s coming for her top spot. She tells him that she’s been suspended, and that maybe with this time he’ll be able to catch up to her.

Amelia and Maggie realize Mer is trying to move on. Maggie finally decides to try to make Riggs and Mer work, and decides to stay at the hospital instead of go home so that Mer can go on a date with him. But Mer cancels her date after she finds the famous post-it note. Amelia and Maggie are curious as to why she canceled. Maggie and April go out after realizing that they just want to live their life a little more loosely after working with Holly. Mer decides to go out with Riggs, and actually holds his hand. She’s moving forward!

Arizona and Eliza are really getting serious. Arizona explains how much she likes Eliza in an elevator scene. On their way home, Eliza says vents about Karev, Bailey, and Richard, Arizona tells her to shut up because she doesn't want to hear her speak ill about her friends. Arizona and Eliza finally sleep together after the many canceled dates and pop-up surgeries.

Deluca finally gets the courage to tell Jo how he feels, but before he can even get the words out, Jo stops him in his tracks. She loves having him as a friend, but 1. she’s definitely not ready for that and 2. he has to know that her heart is still with Alex.

The episode ends with Alex calling for a private investigator. He needs to find someone…

A few additional thoughts:

ALEX IS DEFINITELY LOOKING FOR JO’S HUSBAND! I wonder what this means. Is he going to bring divorce papers and make him sign them? Is he going to beat him up? Is he going to talk with him? Is he gonna try to reason with him? What about the repercussion? Could this put her in more danger? Will he tell her? SO MANY QUESTIONS? One thing is for sure, whatever he does it’s for Jo. Whether or not the consequences are good? That’s unknown. So he still loves her and he’s trying to help her. I have hope for them, I just hope nothing bad happens. But let’s face it, something bad is definitely going to come of this.

Mer is moving forward! I’m so proud of her. She deserves to be happy and I wish the best for her. But it’s going to take time, and that’s okay.