#this really feels like the end of a tutorial period in a video game

[zeondraws]

I always wonder why I have been so busy the past months but then I remember all the things I'm doing with SWTD:

(this is more of a thought post about my life/thoughts/feelings than a lore post! Ignore if you are not interested in this, I don't mind)

Taking Screenshots

Multiple recording sessions (for audio or funny moments, and so on)

Multiple playthroughs of the game

Doing an AU for some reason

Drawing the characters (much art)

Also learning how to use procreate, while my big tablet is packed away until November

Working on a video project

Learning how to use OBS

Datamining the gamefiles for more info with fmodel

troubleshooting fmodel because it's showing me the middle finger for the billionth time

learning how to use a dumper to get mappings file (to view files in fmodel)

learning how to install mods and learn how to use them

troubleshooting my pc or laptop because of my silly shenanigans

rebuilding the models in blender while simultaneously watching blender tutorials to understand what the hell I'm doing

read about TCR's other games and play them (I still have to play Little Orpheus)

Trying to research movies or any blogpost/YouTube posts regarding the game

Other types of research that I can't think of right now

Sharing results with others and discuss the findings to figure lore out

confusedscreaming.mp4

????

It has a lot of reasons why I am super determined and stubborn? when it comes to something I'm passionate about. (It's really hard to explain)

Family always dismissed my hobbies and didn't support me much for them. They often gave me false promises and made me wait for nothing

Often treating me like a baby, as if I can't think for myself. I had to fight a lot for my passions the past decade or so. Even dealing with a former coworker who was very manipulative and tried very hard to belittle me.

I can't even explain all the stress I had to endure because of my old job. Constantly monitored for mistakes, constantly shoved to a corner, freedom taken away, bullied, my feelings had been manipulated so much that I just.. had entire months where I cried every single day. And I'm not even kidding, I went to work in fear, I walked home in fear, I woke up in fear. I still remember that evening where I was so afraid of everything. I was so scared to even be in my apartment, I just balled my eyes out because it was too much at that moment.

Only thing that kept me going was my determination, hope.. daydreams. . and seeking out help (therapy, friends) and using the anger I felt for my coworker to work on my art/passions and show myself that I'm not worthless.

Sometimes my coworker would treat me badly on some days, so after I went home I used my anger and sadness to make art. Even if I sat there drawing for 5h. It did help me to improve a ton in my skills.

I think that event made me go through this journey of? self reflection and growth. It's wild how much happened after that.

Family wasn't helpful in this painful time period, one told me I'll end up alone, that I shouldn't talk to people online or that I should be happy to have a job (Talking to family is like talking to a wall). Or another family member who tries so hard to treat me like an object.

It fills me with anger, but they're all I've got. I thankfully have many friends I can go to when needed, but I wouldn't be able to fully abandon my family. It's probably because I felt so down when my mother passed away over two years ago. I haven't talked to her in years because of her mental condition, but her passing hit me badly.

I have struggled for a while to work on other skillsets because I was too afraid, doing videos, blender, drawing humans idk why, maybe no confidence in myself to try it out

.. Suddenly swtd gets released and my head does a 360 and is like "I'm going to learn all of this now, hold my bear". Using my obsession about this game to learn something new, which helped me overcome so many hurdles. Like the amount of times I threw myself out of my comfort zone while I tried to fiddle with the game.

Like, look at the difference in my human art

This is the first time I drew Muir like.. I forgot when I drew this, two months ago?

And then like this is from a few days ago

... *compares* I don't know how to explain the difference, I think there is one-

Like,. It's hard to compliment myself because of the sheer amount of stress I endured over the year. I've been out of the old job for 3 weeks now. I'm so glad I'm out of there.

I remember how I always wanted to draw an entire dragon, not just a bust. And look I ended up drawing one!! Ok with Roper's head but yea!

I think family difficulties and other events made me feel very detached from others. I never felt/feel like I belong anywhere. I moved so often that this feeling persisted. And it may persist for who knows how long. I only recently got a diagnosis, I have a form of depression, but it's somewhat mild. Hence why I'm still able to perform in daily tasks and work. Tho I don't want to use my condition as an excuse, I rather just want to show that I'm capable of something. That even people who struggle mentally can find success in what they do.

Life throws so many hurdles but I think I am slowly used to living in the chaotic environment. I keep drawing and work on my hobbies while I wait to move apartments.

I try very hard to change my mindset even tho my mind had been so used to the negative spirals. But I try to stay determined and keep on learning. I am not all knowing and I need to remember that mistakes are ok and that I need them to keep learning and have progress.

I've been pushing aside so many thoughts while I messed with the game. Even tho it's 2AM I needed a quiet moment to think about it all.

I am very open with my thoughts and feelings, it's what I usually do on my Instagram account when I post my art.

Tomorrow is another day to learn something new.

[ashe-delta]

I Hate Losing

My Bloodied History with the Card Game Genre

I’ve got a weird history with card games. I feel like they go against everything I stand for when it comes to game design, and for the longest time I didn’t get why people couldn’t see what I was seeing. The skill curve was drastic, there was too much reliance on RNG, and the genre is actively demanding in an almost pay to win sort of way. Yet here I am, still thinking about them. What happened?

(This is a long rant post about my history with card games and my opinions on the genre. All opinions are my own and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Forgive the weird pacing and focusing on things for too long, I’ve got a lot to say after all.)

I don’t think it’s a secret I’m a stupid nerd. Ever since I was a toddler I was playing video games (shout out to Yoshi’s Story), and I’ve been watching anime since I was around 12 (and earlier, whatever my dad was watching at the time). So, I would eventually run into the card game fandom eventually, as being a nerd typically will cause you to do.

And that I did, but it was always a dud to me, mostly due to the barrier of entry. I did collect cards, but never actually played any games with them. That was, until Hearthstone, which was the first time playing a card game was really accessible to me. And it was... okay. I didn’t spend any money and didn’t play a lot, so I was always underpowered, and eventually I was forced to play Hunter for any chance of winning, so I stopped playing.

I’d come back to it every once in a while, some periods of time longer than others. I played C’thun Warrior and Deathknight Hunter when those existed. But when the meta shifted, I’d just start losing because I didn’t get the cards I needed. So I moved on. 

My main frustrations were that it felt like I was always fighting an uphill battle. I had to memorize hundreds of cards, play around all of them, and learn how to fight against things correctly in a timely manner. The skill curve was needless to say intense. Plus, with having to get my cards randomly, and having some decks randomly just not work due to shit draw, it just wasn’t fun to me.

After Hearthstone, I bounced around a bit to other card games when they’d come out - I’d play MtG Arena, and while it was okay, it felt like I could do nothing when the opponent had an answer to everything. Then I’d try LoR, and it was that but SIGNIFICANTLY worse.

So, I mostly wrote myself as someone who can’t play them and doesn’t like them. My problems with the genre were valid criticisms, but at the end of the day it was obvious I didn’t like them.

...and yet. That albatross still remained. ALL of my friends love this genre. It’s like... the genre to like a nerd. How the hell do I not like it?

This haunted me. I’d keep trying card games over and over but to no avail. I’m already someone who can’t handle losing well (something I’ve gotten SIGNIFICANLY better at in the past 2 years, but still comes back to bite me sometimes), but having the tutorial be “lose until you get it” was maddening.

The genre was failing me. I was it’s target audience and it still couldn’t teach me it’s ways.

Even now, I don’t think that’s an insane take. Every game within the genre forgoes the new player experience in favor of getting those who know the genre already and it’s nuances. If you want to get into the club, you’ll have to work for it.

My philosophy of game design is that a skill curve should ease a player into the experience. If you just drop them in, it won’t be fun for anyone. In that regard, the game’s were doing the exact opposite of what I considered good design. To me, it’s as if you made Champion’s Road the first level of 3D World. That’s insanity!

...and even still. That albatross still remained. I was right about design. Yet, I’m still missing something. What the hell was going on?

I recognized that card games could be well designed, but without being able to play them without being miserable, it was mostly empty observations, with a tinge of spite from how the games wronged me. Yes, these games should be criticized for their skill curve and terrible payment model, but there’s so much more it, isn’t there? So what am I missing? What could be so glaringly obvious that it’s causing me to just not get it? Was I really that ignorant?

Enter... Marvel Snap.

Marvel Snap is what I would call a card game for people who don’t like card games. It lasted only 6 turns, had no health between players, and decks only had 12 cards, meaning you’d see 80% of your deck in every game. It’s the most consistent card game on the market. Or at least it would be, if it wasn’t for the locations.

Locations are a teaching tool. They teach you to play around randomness. They teach capitalizing on mistakes. They teach playing from behind. They teach sandbagging. They teach planning ahead. They teach you card game bullshit.

The final thing Marvel Snap taught you was that losing was not only okay, but actively required. It was turned into a skill test - do you surrender early, before the opponent snaps and makes you lose double the amount? Or do you stick it out? Losing was part of the game.

Marvel Snap takes all of the card game jank and BS and threw it into a very specific, readable teaching tool. The tutorial is also pretty decent, making you face off against fairly competent bots until around bronze-silver rank, but the locations are the real teaching tool. All the things you’d need to learn for other cards games are all put into one spot for you to think about instead of needing to balance 50 different things in your head.

However, it’s teachings don’t stop there. Because it’s a safe place to learn, lose, and try again, it teaches you card game mechanics from other games, too. You get used to the randomness of Magic the Gathering, and getting land locked. Sometimes you just draw bad, and it happens, and you move on (or retreat). You start having plan Bs if something goes wrong, because the game isn’t over just because you got wiped. You plan ahead yourself and know how you’re spend your turns.

Marvel Snap isn’t just a card game for people who don’t like card games. It’s a card game for those who want to learn card games.

...yet just one more piece of the puzzle was missing. I boot up MtG Arena to learn the game again, excited that I might enjoy a card game again, and then...

Nothing.

It’s the same as before. Less frustrated before, with the lessons I’ve learned, but it felt empty. The game was definitely more fun, but something about it was still super overwhelming and that uphill battle feeling was back.

I thought that would be the end of it. I was hyped to play, but ultimately I would succumb to what I knew before: that the genre wasn’t for me. Then, a friend asked if I could play against them in Tabletop Simulator (as the cards would be free and wouldn’t have to use MtG Arena). I said yes, and they built me a deck to use since I had NO idea what cards were good, and got ready for a mediocre time.

Then, to my surprise, it was fun. A lot of fun, in fact.

Even when losing, just seeing the card game bullshit unfold in front of us was both hilarious and fun as hell to watch. I didn’t even care if I was losing. Well, maybe a little. But it didn’t matter. Even if I wasn’t winning someone else I cared about was, and seeing them get excited for their miracle paying off was just as rewarding as seeing my lucky draw win me the game.

A conclusion so stupid, so heartfelt, that it could make you cry. The secret thing I was missing in card games wasn’t the mechanics. It wasn’t the powerful cards. It was the community. The friends.

Every card game I’ve played was completely digital. I played maybe one or two rounds physically in my entire life, and they were never even finished, usually because we had something else to do. Losing online hurt because I didn’t even know the person. All I got for losing was watching my rank go down. Why would I like that?

But being with friends? And seeing that chaos? And struggling to fight back, even with my back to the wall surely to lose? It didn’t matter. It was just fun.

So, with the lessons of the best card game for non-card game players, and some very patient friends, I’m having fun with the genre I was destined to hate my whole life. I used to hate losing, especially as a kid. It was the worst feeling the world, having all that work be for nothing. But now?

I can’t wait to lose again.

[syntaxeme]

Giardino Segreto ch. 4

[Read on AO3] | [First Chapter] | [Next Chapter] Rating: T Chapter summary: After some deliberation, Angel decides to take Alastor up on his offer of a contract, and with a very specific goal: to utterly ruin his father. What he's asking for is no small feat, but Alastor is ready to make his plan a reality. In fact, he's looking forward to it. Maybe not the best way to start a relationship, but not the worst either.

— — –

Alastor spent the next 72 hours waiting in that abandoned hotel downtown, hoping Angel would show up at some point. He didn’t even dare go back to the Dellarosa home in order to observe; he had promised that he would be waiting if Angel came looking, and so he would be. The place, it turned out, was every bit as empty as it seemed. During his stay, he wasn’t disturbed once—which gave him far too much time to think.

With every day that passed, he became more convinced that he had made a terrible mistake in revealing his nature to Angel. Maybe his being under the influence was the only thing that had kept him from panicking and fleeing that night when they spoke, and now that he was sober again, he wouldn’t risk going back. It was even possible that Cherri had spoken to him again and explained exactly who Alastor—the Radio Demon—was and how he operated. If that were the case, then surely all was lost; he had no shortage of damning stories in his past.

His illness didn’t let up in the slightest, particularly because he was spending so much time thinking about Angel. If he weren’t already dead, he might worry about how much blood he was losing. As things stood, he had more pressing things to concern himself with.

At the end of another idle afternoon of walking the halls and trying to divine what might have happened in each room, an hour or two before sunset, Alastor heard movement downstairs. Despite being on the tenth floor at the time, he was sensitive enough to auditory detail that he caught the sound nevertheless. He froze as he heard the front door creak open, followed by a few tentative steps and—his heartbeat stuttered—Angel’s voice calling his name.

Within seconds, he was back downstairs to find an apprehensive Angel standing at the hotel’s front desk. He was dressed differently this evening, dressed more like his sister than his brother, and he clutched Alastor’s coat in both hands. Trying his best for Suave & Charming, hoping to present himself more confidently this time, Alastor met him with a smile. “You called?”

“Hey!” Angel’s face lit up with relief. “I was afraid you’d be gone already. I wanted to come sooner, but my old man was hasslin’ me about my clothes, and I hate goin’ out like this”—he gestured in disgust to his outfit—“but I got tired of waiting, so. Uh, here I am. I’m really glad you’re still here. Is this where you live or somethin’?”

“No, but I said you could find me here, and I don’t like to go back on my word.”

The boy seemed much more lucid than in their prior conversation as he added, “Oh, I brought this back too.” He held out the coat, which Alastor accepted and shrugged back into. “I almost thought I dreamt you up as some kinda last ditch option to get away from my family. But I found that when I woke up, and then I talked to Cherri and she came clean about everything.”

“You two made up, then?”

“Oh, sure. She’s my best friend. Her bein’ dead wasn’t gonna change that. Besides, I get why she didn’t tell me. It ain’t exactly somethin’ ya lead a conversation with—well, you do, maybe.”

“Not typically,” Alastor chuckled. “In fact, I don’t often speak to humans at all. You’re an exception.”

Angel’s smile widened, and he ran his fingers through his hair. Somehow, despite having mentioned that he was less comfortable, his being forced to present as feminine didn’t seem to have dampened his confidence at all. He crossed his arms and shifted onto one hip as he answered, “Yeah, that’s kinda the impression I got. And I been thinkin’ a lot about that deal you mentioned before. Were you serious about that?”

Alastor tried his best not to let his hopes run away with him. “Of course. And what part of it, if you don’t mind my asking, have you been thinking about?”

“The whole thing. I feel like there is somethin’ I could use a hand with if you’re up to it. You got all this power, right? Said you can help me however I want?”

“That’s right. I doubt there’s anything you could ask for that I wouldn’t be able to accomplish.”

“Great. So you can help me run my old man’s business into the ground.”

That was hardly the request he’d expected. In fact, he could’ve guessed a hundred times without ever coming to that idea. “His business? That’s where you want to focus?”

“It’s pretty much the only thing he cares about. His pride and his money—and one’s tied to the other,” Angel explained, sounding every bit the shrewd businessman one in his position was expected to be. “Don’t think this is somethin’ I just came up with in the past couple days. I been thinkin’ about how to pull it off for years. Then you show up and say you can help me do it. That is what you’re sayin’, isn’t it?”

“I’ll admit it’s a tall order, but I can manage it,” Alastor assured him. “You’re saying you want to sabotage him?”

“Better,” the boy said with a grin. “I wanna outmatch him. I wanna put together a business of my own that puts his to shame. My own family.”

“I see. It sounds like this goal of yours has several parts to it.”

“But that’s no problem for you, right?” Angel argued innocently. He counted off on his fingers: “Make me a boss, help me build my family, eventually help me ruin everything my old man’s ever worked for. Easy.”

“And that would be worth trading your soul?” Alastor asked.

“You make that happen for me and I’ll give ya whatever you want,” the boy said with a wicked smirk, sending Alastor’s heart rate skyrocketing again.

“You’re sure?” With anyone else, he would call it a fair deal and settle it without further inquiry. But with Angel? He needed to be absolutely certain the boy wanted this before jumping into anything. The last thing he wanted was for Angel to later regret it and resent him.

“I told ya, I didn’t come up with this overnight. I’m just lucky I held off leavin’ home as long as I did.” The fire in Angel’s eyes burned away all teasing mirth, and he said firmly, “I’ve wanted this for years, Alastor. You’ve seen how he treats me, how they all treat me, and you said it yourself: it ain’t right. I’m sick and fuckin’ tired of it. Before you showed up, I figured my best bet to get away was marryin’ into some other family—but that ain’t what I want. I don’t wanna be some capo’s little fuckin’ wife and pretend I’m satisfied with that. I wanna be in charge of my own life. If that means givin’ up my soul, hell yeah, it’s worth it.”

It was that passion, possibly even that righteous anger, that had caught Alastor’s attention to begin with. If there were any one thing to be said about this boy, it was that every one of his feelings was powerful enough to move mountains. Powerful enough, evidently, to force an archdemon to develop some feelings of his own. How could Alastor be expected to stand against that? How could he be expected to resist?

The simplest answer was that he couldn’t.

“Then I’ll do my very best to serve you in the meantime,” he conceded, inclining his head.

“Serve me, huh?” Angel’s voice turned soft and smooth now that Alastor was no longer arguing with him. Running his fingers lightly along the demon’s chin to tilt his head up again, he added with a playful smile, “I like the sound of that. Does this mean you hafta do whatever I say?”

Probably not for the reason you think. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Alastor chided, pulling away from his touch if for no other reason than to maintain his focus on the subject at hand. “I can promise to support your goals to the best of my ability—and if on the off chance there is a problem my power can’t solve, I’ll do all I can to enable you to solve it instead.”

“And?” Angel prompted.

“I’ll use my influence to further your family and eliminate your enemies. Above all”—so help me God—“I’ll ensure you’re kept safe and respected.”

“And…?” The boy grinned, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

“And,” Alastor repeated, ready to rise to whatever challenge was being issued, “anything else you might ask of me. Say the word and it’s done.” Of course, for anyone else, that condition would be completely off the table, as he didn’t much care for being so thoroughly bound to someone else’s will—but in Angel’s case, he was already willing to do anything the boy asked; what harm was there in stipulating it as part of their contract?

“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear,” Angel answered, satisfied. “You do all that for me, and once I die, you can have my soul. Deal?” He offered his hand, and Alastor shook it firmly.

“Deal.” There was a familiar tingle of binding magic as the contract was sealed, forming a connection between the two that couldn’t be severed unless Alastor somehow failed to uphold his end of the bargain. He did not intend to fail. “First things first.” He summoned his staff and flicked it in Angel’s direction. The skirt and blouse Angel had earlier lamented transformed into something much more fitting: a navy suit, double-breasted and tailored to Angel’s measurements.

“Hey!” The boy jumped at the sudden shift, and Alastor conjured a full-length mirror so he could inspect himself. In clothing that fit both his body and his identity, he was, if possible, even more attractive.

“You know what they say. Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I would say your hair could use a trim too, but for now…” With a flick of one hand, the Radio Demon produced a fedora to complete the look and offered it to Angel. Practically beaming with delight, the boy swept his hair back away from his face and placed the hat on his head, pulling the rim down slightly as he looked himself over from every angle.

“Not bad,” he cooed appreciatively. “Pops’d have a heart attack if he saw me like this.” That statement was made with great relish.

“As tempting as that is, it’s probably best if you don’t go back to his place. After all, he is your rival now,” Alastor pointed out.

“Obviously I don’t wanna go back, but we got a lot to do before I can move out. We don’t even have a place to work out of yet, and it’s not like we can stay here.”

Alastor tilted his head to one side. “Why not? I think this place would make for a fantastic headquarters. Plenty of room to accommodate guests and associates, a location right here in the middle of town, and quite a landmark to put your name on. Where else could be better?”

“But somebody’s gotta own the place. And whoever it is probably wouldn’t like us movin’ in without their okay,” Angel pointed out.

“Oh, just you leave that to me,” Alastor said with a wink. “Didn’t we discuss this already? If you want this building, it’s yours.”

“Hm.” The boy looked around, thoughtful. “We could make it work, I guess. It’s gonna take some time to get it cleaned up and ready to use, though.”

Alastor chuckled, shaking his head. “O ye of little faith.” He stamped the end of his staff into the ground, and the shadows responded immediately, swirling through the room to sweep away the dust, repair the damaged upholstery, restore the wiring in the walls and the chandelier overhead—whatever was needed to make the hotel functional again. The walls were papered deep red by no particular will of Alastor’s, but he didn’t bother changing it. It was rather striking, the way he saw it, and it fit nicely with the room’s dark wood furnishings. He watched the shadows disappear up the stairs and knew they would give the same treatment to every floor. Soon enough, all 1000+ rooms would be ready to use however Angel saw fit.

Angel watched the entire process with wide eyes, marveling at the sparkling crystal chandelier above them with his mouth hanging slightly open. This particular feat required much more power than Alastor typically bothered using in a single act, but the look of incredulity on the boy’s face and the smile that followed after made it completely worthwhile.

“All right,” Angel admitted. “I’m impressed.” Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet.

“Let’s see. Personal image: check. Location: check,” Alastor said, glancing around the newly-renovated lobby. Now that the room was properly lit, he could see just how grand it was. There were two elevators on either side; a mezzanine where he could see the makings of a lounge; and at the back of the room, a broad staircase that opened onto a landing, then curved on either side to lead to the upper level. Very picturesque. “Now all we need is a family to fill it.”

“Ya got that up your sleeve too?”

“In a manner of speaking; I know a few people I can call, at least.”

“People,” Angel repeated, “or demons?”

“Yes,” Alastor snickered. “Capable individuals, I assure you, and isn’t that what really matters? Now, who would you say is the most important part of a mafia family, next to the boss?”

“Consigliere,” Angel answered without a moment’s hesitation. “He’s the boss’s advisor, usually somebody that’s been in the business a while. He helps with finances, competition with other families, pretty much every aspect of runnin’ the show.”

“Hmm. A jack of all trades, then, someone with business sense and a head for strategy,” Alastor reasoned, considering his list of contacts to determine who might fit best into this position. Only one name came to mind.

With a clap of his hands, another demon manifested at the top of the stairs, a snakelike creature with iridescent black scales and gleaming golden accessories. She blinked as if mildly surprised, and her intense yellow eyes quickly fell on Alastor and Angel. With a patient smile, she shifted into an entirely human form, one with brown skin and sleek black hair bobbed at her shoulders. Tall, slender, clad in deep green slacks and a well-fitted blouse, she looked nothing if not professional.

“Alastor,” she purred with a slight hiss on the S, waltzing her way down the stairs as if this were a sort of mischief she had expected. Her heels clicked on the wood floor with every step. “It’s been a while. What are we doing here?”

“Nice to see you too, Venture,” the Radio Demon answered. Gesturing to Angel, he explained, “My charge is a soon-to-be crime lord and has need of a—well, my Italian is a little rusty; what was the word, Angel?”

“Consigliere,” the boy repeated, looking the new arrival up and down appraisingly.

“An advisor,” Alastor explained. “I could think of no better fit for that role than you. And you do owe me a favor or two, yes?”

“Wait, her?” Angel protested. “It can’t be her. She’s…” He gestured vaguely at her body, and Venture tossed her head back with a laugh.

“What? A woman?” Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she stood on one hip, holding herself with all the confidence one would expect of an Overlord. “I certainly am, pet, and the best damned businesswoman this side of the Nile.”

“Venture has been an entrepreneur for millennia,” Alastor explained. “Gender notwithstanding, you won’t find anyone better suited to the position.”

“Flatterer,” she chuckled.

“Guys in the business don’t respect women,” Angel insisted. “And they ain’t gonna respect me if I’m listenin’ to one.”

“Success speaks louder than appearances,” Venture said evenly. “My guidance can make you richer than Croesus, and I promise you, where money goes, respect follows.” She always has been persuasive. “Luckily for you, I don’t have anything more interesting in the works right now. I don’t mind sticking around—assuming you’ll have me, sweetness.” She gave Angel an expectant look, and he wrinkled his nose.

“Fine, but you’re gonna have to cut that condescending bullshit. No matter how much experience you have, as long as you’re here, I’m your boss. So if we’re gonna work together, you can’t be talkin’ down to me. Got it?” Well, he had certainly adjusted to the role of boss quickly! Alastor almost worried his insolence would lose them an ally, but Venture seemed more amused than offended.

“Feisty, isn’t he?” she said, stealing a glance at Alastor. Nevertheless, she bowed to Angel with a flourish. “Of course, sir, you’ll have my utmost respect at all times. Now, is this our first endeavor?” She shifted her attention to the room they were in, looking it over critically. “The color scheme is a bit obvious, but I’m sure I can make it work. Whoever did your decorating clearly has taste.”

“What, the hotel?” Angel asked, watching her stride over to the gleaming front desk to check out the space behind it. “I can see it as a front, but why bother actually runnin’ it?”

“The better question is why not,” Venture countered, digging a phone book out of one of the drawers. “It’s a source of income that wouldn’t require much oversight on your part, and having guests in and out regularly will help cover up any less, uh, legitimate dealings you want to do here. Little to lose, lots to gain.”

“But it ain’t the kinda business a respectable family runs,” Angel argued stubbornly, arms crossed. “There’s rules and traditions ya gotta take into account. My old man would never—” He stopped himself for a moment, likely realizing that something about his approach was off. “Actually, ya know what? Sure. Havin’ the place up and runnin’ is a smart move. You can get that started on your own?”

“Leave it to me, habiibii,” she agreed distractedly, waving a hand to conjure a rotary phone on the countertop. In moments, she was thoroughly engrossed in making calls, taking to the job like a fish to water and all but forgetting the room’s other two occupants.

“That’s how I wanna do things,” Angel decided, turning to Alastor again. “I’m gonna make this family the most successful one in the city, and I’m gonna do it by blowin’ all my old man’s rules to Hell.”

“Oh? That’s an unusual business model.”

“You said I can have anything I want,” he pointed out, raising his eyebrows, hands on his hips. “What I want is to prove all his bullshit principles and traditions are holdin’ him back, and to prove I can do his job better. And you’re gonna help me do it.” His tone brooked no argument, and indeed, Alastor offered none.

“I look forward to working with you, Don Dellarosa,” he replied—but Angel grimaced at the title.

“Ugh, no, that’s my old man. Besides, we can’t have two Dellarosa families in the same city. Ours is gonna need a different name.” He screwed up his face thoughtfully. “Any ideas?”

Biting his lower lip as he considered, curiously observing his new consigliere’s work, he exuded such potential, such determination. He had set a goal for himself (years ago, it seemed) and would achieve it whatever the cost—even if it meant his immortal soul. Conviction that powerful commanded respect. Alastor felt another cough coming on and struggled to hold it back, clearing his throat as an answer came to mind.

“Giardino,” he suggested, and Angel raised an eyebrow at him.

“‘S a little plain. Why that?”

Alastor shrugged and reasoned, “If your father’s family deals in roses, what clearer statement than to claim the entire garden for yourself?”

At this explanation, Angel’s lips split into a grin, and it was by sheer force of will that Alastor didn’t wince from the pain in his chest. “I like the way you think, Al. Angel Giardino… Kinda has a nice ring to it. We’ll need more than just the three of us, obviously—”

“Which I’ll take care of within a few days.”

“—but once we’re in business? The Giardinos are gonna run this city,” he said with absolute confidence, looking over the lobby that was now his domain. Knowing that all the satisfaction and anticipation on the boy’s face was his doing had Alastor’s heart racing with delight. Maybe this arrangement would turn out better than expected. Angel looked at him, expectant, excited, ready to move forward. “So? Whaddaya say we plant some fuckin’ flowers?”

Done and done, cher.

[canmom]

perhaps it's just a limited view of it, but it really seems like the mindset of amateur self taught artists has changed a lot with the rise of the youtube drawing channel. instead of handing about ad hoc techniques, there's grown a huge emphasis on certain technical skills - 'learn your fundamentals' has become almost a religious mantra, and nowadays you'll see a lot of figure breakdowns and discussion often revolves around invocations of principle - shape design, form, perspective etc. - and exhortations to draw more.

in this current aspiring artist subculture, art seems to be increasingly viewed almost as a levelling tree in an rpg. you master certain skills, in some sort of notional order. some people endlessly comb through drawing videos and beg for permission to draw in the perfect proper way. some earnestly post their weekly progress and apologise for not drawing enough. there seems to be a very broad need for validation.

is this a good or bad thing? i can't deny wanting to achieve certain technical aesthetic effects and making use of all these materials in the hope of drawing like certain artists i admire, and there's no question that certain kinds of work in the capitalist art industries (concept art, anime genga, etc) demand certain skills, but seeing this egregore possessing so many young artists makes me worried. what awaits at the end, a job at ubisoft?

there is much less focus on cultivating the expressive and personal aspects of art, or learning a vocabulary to talk about them, even though that is the thing that forms your connection with an artist far more than their level of technical skill. there is more to drawing than trying to catch up to kim jung gi on the great scoreboard of art mastery. and yet, if you told me to give up trying to learn all these skills and just be happy with what i can do now, i don't think i could. there is a certain sense that learning all these skills is necessary to reach certain emotional aesthetic effects.

steven zapata's solution to this conceptual dilemma is to suggest that each artist must develop their own personal strong aesthetic opinions, essentially defining the game they're trying to play, and that is where the struggle for skill plays out rather than one universal pyramid. i think i agree with this. and yet, when i stumble on an artist fighting to climb the same stupid mountain, like this guy who drew every day for six months and never saw his friends and still goes on about how he needs to tackle harder things and learn anatomy better and just try harder, all in the hopes of animating for The Line in London in a couple of years, i have a sense of a kindred spirit - another mad fool perhaps. when someone asks me for drawing advice i can whip out 20 drawing channels and an explanation of all the technical vocab bc it's a special interest and i like to be knowledgeable. watch, all these doubts go away and i take your hand and lead you into the dragon's mouth...

the whole 'sigma grindset' meme is a joke of course, but the fact it gained currency feels like it's reflecting some kind of generational anxiety. so i end up wondering - what currents are carrying me this time? the rise of the online tutorial, the sakuga fandom, deviantart declining and artstation rising, the notion of 'grind', techbro culture - i can only see some of its edges and tendrils, but it feels like something has grown here. is it a cultural echo/side effect of a period of rampant unemployment and precariousness where manufacturing has mostly been exported abroad and jobs in the creative industries seem to be the only promise of both security and fulfilment? essentially the same as the monster that ruled in academia? ...yeah that's probably just it huh.

[frogcraftingg]

Hey i really love your builds and stuff and i had to ask, How do you stay motivated to build? I’ve hit a real block recently and none of my stuff looks right or i can’t even start a build, any advice?

Hi dear!! Love your name btw, and thanks for such a deep question! I'm so sorry you've hit the builder's block- honestly that happens to me from time to time as well! As a creator it can be really frustrating to hit a wall with builds and not know where to go. These tips are generally what I do and sometimes they help, sometimes I just gotta ride the block until it's over.

Keep a list of projects you want to complete. You can do this for survival OR creative. I find keeping lists really helps me to stay motivated though I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I've got an entire iPad's worth of notes for my worlds. Before my iPad I used Notion and handwritten notes to keep track of everything I wanted to do! If you wanna see my lists / inspo organization feel free to let me know and I'll post~

Build something from a reference. Instead of trying to imagine it if you normally do that, open up a cool Sims house, art concept, video game screenshot, photograph, etc., and just try to build the shapes you see there into a cohesive thing~!

Try a brand new style! Sometimes to keep ideas fresh and flowing, I need to take off my texture packs and get back to basics- and building in a gothic or medieval style with different blocks than I normally use generally really helps me get the creative ideas flowing! If you're not really sure how to build that style, go find (and follow!!) a tutorial or browse online (YouTube, Instagram, MinecraftBuilds subreddit, Tumblr, Pinterest, etc.,) for some inspo!! Even if it's something you won't ever build again, sometimes just building the way someone else does can spark so many ideas!

Play something else for a while. This can be super helpful if you are stuck. Sometimes I get stuck because I've Minecrafted too much, and I need to take a day or sometimes even a week away from the game and play something else. But usually I end up seeing some kind of inspo from another game and come racing back to build it 😂 The days where I opened the game, got nothing done, closed it and was frustrated with myself though were harmful to my overall mindset so now I will just see how I feel when I turn my PC on. Feel like building/playing? No-> Alright, let's do something else. Everything else can wait. Videos can be released a day later. Streams can be cancelled. I need to do /something else/.

Switch up the game! There are many times I get burned out from building in survival so switching to creative where I can feel more free has definitely helped! But the opposite is also true, sometimes forcing yourself to gather the resources and really envision the build as you're doing it helps me!

Don't force yourself if you're not feeling it. I burned out hard on Minecraft building a few times trying to keep up with daily build challenges or posting insta reels/tiktoks. Wait until you're feeling how you used to or motivated before you actually jump into the game again. The longest this "recovery" period has taken me is about 2 months, in summer of 2021 before I started streaming.

Honestly the biggest one that helps me is #1, I keep track of everything I want to do and I save lots of different inspo. pictures to give myself ideas while I build. Now, I don't block for block copy stuff-but sometimes seeing a roof shape I've never tried before or a block palette that looks cool can be enough to help me. Overall, I've found that keeping track of what builds and projects I'm working on and ✔ checking things off as they're done has really helped me be more intentional with my game(s) and my time, and the less time I spend frustrated or feeling lost, the more overall I've not been hitting the block as much.

Wishing you the most luck!

[ekleipsi]

mate/husband--;

--- Headcanon time!! Talking about Naoto’s canon verse and thus his time with the Gonchiye and how he met Ignis. They started off really, really shitty- absolutely enemies to reluctant partners to unrequited pining to eventual gayness after a 5 or 6 year period together that started off with brutal sparring and disdainful barbs. That said! Ignis means the world to Nao for several reasons, not the least of which is the fact that Ignis is compassionate and managed to erase 18 years of the Gonchiye’s mental conditioning in him. Believing he was only a weapon to be used, Ignis made him feel human and feel like he was a person that deserved good things in his life. 

--- Around when he was 26, 8 years after they met, Ig jokingly brought him a pretty gold ring cause Nao loves shiny things like the magpie he is. Of course, Nao teased him about it and was all “If you’re gonna bring me a ring, you better get down on one knee.” And really just threw Ig off guard and really fucked him up, lmao and then he had no choice but to do it cause Nao called him out on it...AND THAT’S HOW THEY GOT MARRIED. It wasn’t formal or official, but. It’s when Nao considered them married. 

--- He adores that Ignis is considerate to the fact that he’s not a very sexual person- borderline grey/ace with a really low sex drive, his moods and thoughts are very fickle and Ignis never pressures him despite being horny all the time like the dog he is. Treats him very sweetly and doesn’t make him feel guilty or bad about any of it. 

--- Nao does like to troll Ig though, because he’s an old man so he tries to turn their house into a smart house but Ig yeeted his Alexa- so Nao just tinkers around and builds little bots and stuff that creep around the house to scare Ig. His pride and joy is still a tentacle vibrator that he attached a knife to the end of- it was so pure and hilarious to him, he sent a video to Ig while he was at work and just lost it. 

--- Ig custom embroidered a rifle case for him- he’d have it still if they didn’t lose it in Brazil. For his birthday, Ig buys him bullets and takes him out to the range, they still keep in shape together. He makes Ig quills with his feathers and even watched a tutorial on how to make parchment and ink for him on his birthday; Ignis didn’t remember his birthday and told Nao to pick one for him, so of course Nao picked his own so now they just. Share a birthday. 

--- Nao neve referred to Ignis as his husband out loud until after they moved to Spain- he didn’t think it was real and that they’d stay together, until Ignis got the Order of the Lotus tattoo he had (from his mission with Shinjou, his past love) removed. He also contracted his soul to Ignis for eternity in exchange for immortality so he could stay with Ignis forever. He also likes kill stealing from him while they’re out on missions- just pew pew before big man even gets close. It’s like a game. 

--- When Ig holds his arm out while Nao is in the air, he’ll land on it like when guys do the falconing thing. He’s very light and Ig is very strong; Ignis is also the only person he’s ever let preen his wings with him because he trusts and adores him. He perches on Ignis’ shoulders a lot because its a convenient and comfortable spot and its his favorite place to sit when Ig is cooking dinner and he’s curious. Sometimes they’ll read to each other, and sometimes they’ll bring food to each other at work; he loves making drinks for Ig. 

--- Basically just he’s really in love with this man. He’s never been the open, domestic type, but Ig makes him want to try. 

[tj-shmt]

A Day of Curation

Unless its Wednesday, it should be around 11am right now when i get up. First things first, put in my headphones and go get some good music! Its Monday - time to listen to my Discover Weekly playlist, which Spotify usually tailors perfectly to my tastes.

1. 🎶 SPOTIFY 🎶

Fun fact - this weeks "Discover Weekly" suggs. Usually I get the best music from there. I don't really recall the last time any of my friends really showed a song I didn't already know or was adequately good. Tho, I have to give Amelie some credit here, she constanly hits me with great Spanish tunes. (Also to Jasi and Safae which hit me up with some dope music from time to time) I mostly get inspiration from (sad to say but its true) tik tok or by randomly shazaming the world. I also really hate to limit myslfe to music i understand. On the contrary I LOVE LOVE LOVE music arround the world. Trust me i hear Tibetian Throat Singing to Russian Electro and even Islandic and Nativ American Tribal Music. To give you an impression of how important music consumption is for me:

Last Year i spent a total of 210 441 minutes on spotify alone. That is about 9 Hours a day. The average person uses Spotify for about 18 000 minutes a year. (My friend took the freedom to calculate how much money Spotify "looses" by my consumption. i pay $30 a year an Spotify gives $0,004891 per stream to the creator. An average of 3 minutes per song (70.000 streams) means spotify pays $342.37 to the creators. Thats $312.37 of deficit LOL)

Apart form that i cant really give Spotify a certain schedule when i listen to it cuz i listen to it all the time. During gaming, during coding, laundry, gym, work, class, before sleep. ✨Always✨

2. 💬 WhatsApp 💬

There is nothing better than sleeping for an eternity while everyone is already awake for probably 4 or more hours, working! *laughs in privileged design student* Since everyone is already living its live while I still drool, I gotta get up to date in the morning. Before i even leave bed, i checke my messages there. Similar to Spotify, I use WhatsApp the whole day and can't really tell when I would not use it. Except, my phone is always on silent (casual zennial phone call phobia) meaning i wont notice anything while zoning out or gaming (which usualy is the same).

3. 👨‍🏫 TEAMS 👩‍🏫

Yeah Yeah i can already hear it. "You wake up 5 minutes before class withouth breakfast or anything..." - bla bla bla. Yeah that is the case! I would usuly go on teams and enter the classroom, while preparing a breakfast (if you can call it breakfast after 12) sit down at my desk and listen to class. Causally everything that is too theoretical with music and whatsapp. Other classes that are interesting I`ll put my full attention to it.

But i hate teams in gerneral. Not cuz its sh**, no, usualy people that do their clases there have a weird way of using it. Finding material or looking up homeworks is such a struggle sometimes. (Props to you Kevin here, I have never seen anybody using teams in such a clean and struktured way than you do. Even tho you dont neccesarily use it as it was meant to be. (which might be the turning point on why its great))

4. 📺 YouTube 📺

Yup YouTube is usually the place to go after (sometimes during (I NEVER SAID THAT!)) class.

Actually, YouTube is the place to go for me. Relaxation, Entertainment, knowledge - anything! After class I'd usually watch "Cut" or other channels that produce let's plays or entertainment of some sort.

But it's also THE place to go during coding. I rather listen to Lofi or (Slowed, Reverbed) Music that doesnt really distract me. ALSO, during coding watch A SH*TLOAD OF TUTORIALS, cuz I am proud selftaught Zennial. #BestOfBothWorlds

5. 👨‍🍳 CHEFKOCH 👨‍🍳

I love to try new things and I constantly stalk the web for new recipes. Lately a lot of Asian and Vegan stuff. Chefkoch is the app to go where i also write down my own recipes to have them with me all the time. Great thing here is, i share this account with all my family members (currently 13, including my mom, aunts, other relatives). Great way to share the secret family recipes at any time!

(Cant recommend the recipe in the img, tho!)

6.🏐 ADDIDAS TRAINING🏐

Unlike all my sporty friends that used to hit the gym before covid and not got lazy, I started to use Training Apps like Addidas Training with its free Workout plans. I use it regularly and am happy i finally found a way to stay sporty.

7. ⌨️ VS CODE ⌨️

Its either Visual Studio Code, where I would code on my current project, or gaming. As mentioned above, I would get most of the inspiration from tutorials or using dev tools on different platforms.

8. 🎤 DISCORD 🎮

I´ll use Discord as a general term for Gaming since I play a lot but many different games, tho, always use discord to communicate with my freinds while gaming.

A great place to share random BS with friends and talk about anything that comes to my mind. I spent most of the evenings on Discord with my friends. Always did, in fact. Maybe the reason why I don't really feel so affected by the pandemic. I am used to being separated from my friends since they live all over Germany or the world in general. I always enjoy Online Live Events WITH my friends.

For me the web as always been a "with" not an "alone", which is why I never understand why so may struggle with feeling "alone" on live events online. JUST GRAB A FRIEND AND DISCOVER IT ✨TOGETHER✨!

9. 📼 DISNEY+ / NETFLIX 📼

Since I use both the same amount there is not thos or that. I never Really let anybody recommend me anything, cuz ... trust me, I WON'T watch it. IDK why that is, but I need a specific mood for each show. And nobody but myself can provide that. Probably why most ove the algorithms (esp Netflix) do not have an effect on me. I'm not in the mood for your ****, sorry!

Never the less, i periodically Binge a Series and then feel empty after it ended. Then i need some time to face reality again.

Funny tho, I binged Starwars Rebels on Disney+ and after it ended i just decide to buy 4 books on amazon that expand the story to starwars (#nerd i know). I will spend the next few months reading and probably not watching anything on both Streaming services.

10. 🤤 TIKTOK 🌈

... YUP.... I grew up with vine ... but TikTok got me. And honestly I don't regret it. It's the perfect algorithm that constantly finds the best videos that feed my thirsty queer ass. I mean ...

LOOK AT THE IMG ABOVE. YES, give me more....!

Its prolly not good for my digital wellbeing or my mental health but do I care at the moment..? noooooo...

Just give me more of Starwars Parodies, Sleepwalkers, Best off's of streamers, Queer content (cuz its time this heteronormativity world is fed with it! and no i do not indentify as anyting, im just the + at the very far end!) and yeah, even some sexy content if the creator feels good about it.

AND DONT YOU GIVE ME THAT SIDE EYE OF JUDGEMENT HERE - WE ALL THIRST FROM TIME TO TIME!

TOODLES!

[shikantazaart]

Shikantaza Creativity Interview III - SPARTALIEN

At Shikantaza we are not content to just create art. We want to understand art. We want to understand the people who make art. Into the act of creation. Who are the people behind the art work? What motivates them? Where do they find their inspiration?

No two people think and act alike, so it is even less likely to find two artists who think and act alike. Yet, there will be crossovers, shared thoughts and shared experiences. Where do we adjoin and where do we diverge?

Our series of interviews with artists and creators aims to answer these questions.

In interview number three we speak to multimedia experimenter SPARTALIEN. You can find his creations here https://spartalien.com/visual as well as a collection of his work in the Shikantaza gallery.

1 - Starting with the most important question - Who is Memoria?

Memoria is Latin and means, when translated, memory / remembrance.

I named the merchandise for the album "2358" Memoria instead of Memory, because the main track titles are also translated into Latin.

I see my merchandise as small memories/artefacts. Not only because they are very rare, but because I can never go back to that time.

“Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things” - Cicero

2 - You work across different mediums. Do you have any preference for a specific form? When did you first find the format that was “you”?

I became really infected with the digital virus around in the late 90s when I built my first computer. A year or two later I started taking photos and manipulating them digitally. I also had a few printed, which allowed me to bring the digital into the real world. Then I discovered IRC and started learning a little bit of TCL. Since I had fun coding, I decided to learn the basics of web development because I needed a website to show my pictures to other people. In general, I was fascinated by the flow of information on the Internet. That distance is no longer a real hurdle when it comes to data transmission.

I've always loved music as a listener and small collector. I was then and still am one of those people who never go out of the house for long periods of time without a Walkman. Music production came into play when a couple of friends set up a small studio where they produced Techno/Psy. When I was there for the first time, I knew immediately that I wanted to try it too. A few old tracks from back then are still available on my website.

From then on, many of my projects have developed in the direction of music.  The input for a program was often music metadata or it was a website that was about music in some way or another. But since I was still at the very beginning of my learning process, I kept discarding practically everything in order to improve it or to learn new things. Around 2001, I started a web radio with friends, which was online for several years. The music was mainly Downtempo, Trip-Hop, IDM and Ambient. Promos from unknown artists from around the world were also broadcasted.

The atmosphere, the feeling I got from this time - how the music finds me and not the other way around, how it can change people's thoughts - has never left me since then.

3 - Do you feel that each medium allows you to express yourself differently from the others? How do you choose which medium you work in any given moment?

Yes. But I think you can convey the same feelings with any medium. The question is how direct it is. For example, pain can be expressed with fire but also with a chair in an empty room. At the end of the day, in my opinion, it's not about the artist's intention but about the perception of the viewer and his or her subsequent thoughts and actions. For example, imagine you make a dark ambient track that you experience as sad and heavy, but someone else tells you that it helped to relax and develop thoughts.

In addition to all of this, each medium also has advantages and disadvantages when it comes to technical implementation. So, sometimes the choice can also purely depend on skill or resources.

We all have ideas and often out ambitions outweigh our resources. Sometimes we need more resources, but more often than not we need to chip away at our ideas until our ambitions and resources align.

4 - Do you seek different sources of inspiration for your music than you would for your visual creations?

It's everything in the world around me that inspires me. Everything I perceive and feel, so to speak. Most of the time I don't have a melody or a picture in my head. It is more of a feeling and then I look for the right tone or shape for it, so to speak.

5 - How closely are your creations connected to each other?

Very close one could say - through my thoughts that I have wrapped in it. I always had a bit of a problem putting my thoughts into words. I tend to stray through various topics when I talk about something. With music and visuals, it feels lighter and more natural to get to the point. The "message" doesn't always get through, but being able to do so is liberating and invaluable to me.

6 - If you were to direct people to a specific piece of work that you feel really nails what you are aiming for with your creations, which would it be?

This is a hard question. Maybe I would ask you to sit down and listen to the album "FLOATING HIGH" in one sitting. Since it felt like coming home to me while making it. The music is less intrusive and not as precise in its message as the previous releases. Like its cover art, where the clouds could be seen as opening or closing. I wanted to create tracks that leave more room for thought while still telling a story.

7 - You have “X minutes of peace” on your site. Why is this needed? Was this made for you or for others?

For others but also for myself. For me it is self-reflection that allows me to understand myself better. But since I have problems with "just switching off my head", the moments in which I just sit quietly and let the recording device do its work are very valuable. In moments like these I can really switch off and think about something very carefully. Asking questions even though I feel like I don't have an answer. Or simply enjoying the precious fresh air and sounds of nature.

Unfortunately, too many people don't have time for that kind of peace. Too much pressure is on them. They either get this or that, or they can't survive. It's so sad how the system works. I simply think that if everyone would have more inner-peace, the world would be a better place. But then again, what do I know living under a rock between mountains?

The videos should allow us to find peace for a few minutes, no matter where we are. So that new and hopefully useful thoughts can develop.

The series  Let It All Go is actually the same thing, just with music.

For the really dark hours there is BRAIN I/O. From time to time I prefer to embrace the pressure. Difficult to describe. The concept is basically: don't think, just feel and record it. It's about things that I personally want to leave behind or at least want to learn to accept (not necessarily being okay with) them if I can't change them.

Peace is an issue for me. When I briefly find it only points the way to the next act. This is fantastic but self defeating. Why can’t we just stay in peace?

8 - When inspiration has left the building where do you look to find it?

I'm not really actively looking for inspiration. Somehow it doesn't work that way for me. So variety is important to me. That is why I usually have several side projects going on in the areas that I do not much publicize. Much of it never leaves my hard drive and is mainly intended to free my mind and get on to new ideas in the process. Coding, graphics, drawing, etc. But the music production is and remains the main focus.

9 - These are the questions I am asking all the interviewees. Why do you create? What is it that pushes you to keep creating?

The inner child is just too strong. I've been living for a while and I know exactly nothing. It kind of feels like that. So many things that you can create with the computer alone. I'm stuck in that loop where you just love to create things and learn - and use the new knowledge to create new things. Things!

10 - What would most assist you to create more works? Is there an ultimate goal for your creations?

More time and resources for sure. but most important to me is the feeling that my loved ones are safe. When I have to worry about their future because the system is going the way it is, it feels like a pile of stones in my head.

The creative / social goal of my art is relatively simple and based on my own experience. Art has helped me tremendously when I felt lost - or when I was just "bored". Taking time to really listen to or look at something can be very liberating.

My short-term financial goal is to generate a more or less regular income through art. But since I never released anything commercially before 2016, this world is still new to me.

My dream goal is to hear my music in film and games and to generate an income that supports my family.

Nonetheless, I think goals are here to create an initial path, not necessarily motivation.

I do not know of a single soul who has not been lost. Some never find their way back. Some don’t need to find their way back, they are happier in the place they found.

11 - If you were to offer a creator any advice what would it be?

Based on my own experience in no particular order:

Stay curious and open minded for different viewpoints.

Tutorials can limit your creativity. Sure, learn the basics, but explore as much as you can on your own and never be afraid to fail. It's a process, not a game.

On projects that take longer than a day to complete, set yourself a deadline when you want to have it completed. Not important if it takes longer, but in general that helps to stay more focused.

Very few things are easy when you start.

Limitations are not necessarily bad.

Don't wait for motivation to create. It will kick in usually a few minutes after you've started. Therefore keep your tools ready and organized so you can start creating at any time.

You can always turn off the internet.

Be open for constructive criticism.

Especially for the digital crowd, backup your stuff!

(All images and works by SPARTALIEN)

[prettywordsyouleft]

Past And Present (Choose What I Write Story)

Summary: you believed that you had met your soulmate as a child but you had been wrong.

Pairing: Park Jinyoung x reader (ft Im Jaebum)

Genre: soulmate au / university au

Trope: enemies to lovers

Warnings: none

A/N: Well, he’s done it again. This time it was intentional though! For the longest moment during the voting period, it was a battle royale between the JJP boys and Jinyoung just cinched it in the last day. So I decided to add in Jaebum to help bring an obstacle to this storyline. Originally, like most of my Jinyoung stories, the plan was much simpler than this. Of course, you throw in a supercharged Park Jinyoung who hasn’t had a story written for him in over a month and a soulmate au on top and well, this is a bit of a lengthy piece than what I had hoped for!

I also was a little concerned about writing another soulmate au with Jinyoung after Destined, but this world is far different than the one in my first soulmate attempt, so hopefully it won’t feel like something you’ve read before.

Word count: 5869

You were certain you had known who your soulmate was for your entire life. 

Im Jaebum had been your first friend as a child and when you touched for the first time, the gasp that left you both had your parents rejoicing.

Just like that, you had met your destined partner.

With that title between you and Jaebum established, you continued your childhood at each other’s sides and moved easily into teenage years where exploration further enhanced your connection. It was an effortless relationship, with every touch, kiss or stare, you each felt cherished, overwhelmed, connected.

And that was why when you both got into different universities as young adults, neither of you were phased about the separation.

Of course, you voiced how hard it would be living so far apart when you were used to being only five minutes away from each other. But you had prepared for the lack of physical stimulation from Jaebum, with scheduled video chats and using other technological advances to make the distance work. 

On a deeper level though, you trusted your connection.

Nothing had disturbed it yet. And you had believed nothing ever could. Your life was set. After university, you would marry Jaebum, move in together, have a couple of kids and live out your predestined lives together. The guesswork had been completely taken out of your hands.

So why was your life in chaos ever since you met Park Jinyoung?

At first, you were hopeful that seeing him in all your classes would help you settle into tertiary life with a common link. Perhaps, that was your first mistake. It wasn’t as if Jinyoung was unfriendly either, he had a similar thought process as you, taking a seat next to you in all your shared classes for the first week of your semester. 

And that was when it all began. You hadn’t ever experienced being irked by someone as much as you were by him. Jinyoung was just as smart as you, rivalling you in answers and provoking endless debate. You could have dealt with this if he wasn’t so egotistical in his approach whenever he beat you, his smug smile causing you to seethe instantly. You were no longer comrades taking the same papers, yet he refused to let up about sitting next to you.

Jinyoung had figured out your buttons early on, purposely winding you up at any chance he got. And when he wasn’t focused on annoying you, it gave you too much time to sit and anticipate his next move. Some days, he would leave you alone entirely, aware that he still had your full attention. It was those days where you realised that every little action he made could bother you. His breathing, the way his hand would run through his hair, his laughter, everything was capable of spiralling you into a state.

You tried to separate from him, of course. Once you established that he was a major distraction to your degree, you took active steps to avoid him. It wasn’t easy, given every day was full of hours spent in the same lecture halls, tutorial classes and library spaces, but you made a solid effort to ignore his existence as best as you could. 

Yet, this bothered him greatly.

“Why aren’t we sitting in our normal row today, Y/N?” he asked as he sat down beside you, blinking all too innocently for someone who could read your emotions well. The ghost of a smirk was tugging at the corners of his lips and you rolled your eyes, reaching to pick up your supplies to move seats. Jinyoung’s hand came down on yours to stop you and you gaped at him incredulously. He merely pouted. “I’m offended.”

“I sat here to actually get some work done.”

Jinyoung nodded. “What’s holding you back from doing so?”

A thousand curse words and snappy statements flooded your mind in response; instead, you smiled forcibly at him. “Surely, you could befriend someone else.”

“I have friends,” he agreed casually, shrugging a little as if having a vast amount of friendships was normal for everyone. Jinyoung then stared at you, eyes alive with amusement. “But none of them react as well as you do to me.”

“Honestly!” you breathed and a couple of groups around you both glanced in your direction. Feeling your cheeks redden as Jinyoung positively glowed from your outburst, you slumped back down into your chair, resolute on ignoring him for the next fifty minutes.

Jinyoung was having none of that. 

He bounced his leg consistently until you shot him a warning look and then he started with his little sighs, each one sounding louder in your ears than the last. You reached to pinch his arm in protest and he gaped at your assault, acting as if you had gravely injured him. He decided instead of moving away from you that he would shift even closer on his seat, pressing right into your side. 

You threw your pen down in defeat. It was impossible to get anything done with him playing dirty like this.

When class ended, you spun to face him, Jinyoung now smiling triumphantly at you. “Yes, Y/N?”

“I’m done with you.”

“Are you really?”

You nodded firmly. “Why can’t you leave me alone?!”

“Now where’s the fun in that?” he asked, standing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder before leaning down into your face. “It’s not my fault you’re incredibly easy to make this flustered.”

“Flustered?!” you repeated an octave higher, shaking your head. “I am not flustered!”

“Really? Then how come your cheeks are so pink, hm?” Jinyoung reached out to poke one before a soft chuckle left him. “The colour suits you.”

“Park Jinyoung, you are positively the most annoying human to ever exist!”

He grinned, stepping away from you into the aisle of the emptying lecture hall. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Over the next few weeks, you suffered at the hands of his insistent behaviour. You grew increasingly frustrated, wondering why he was being like this with you. 

You regretted the day you had openly reached out to befriend him.

“And so today, he overheard me telling my friend Nora that I planned on having sushi for lunch and when I went to the cafeteria and fell in line behind him, he purposely took the last tray of sushi when he never eats it. He always has one of the sandwich packs so he can study at the same time as he eats!”

“Maybe he was feeling like sushi today?” Jaebum offered over your video chat but you shook your head immediately.

“No, he did it to spite me.”

“I’m sure you’re reading into this too much, Y/N. The guy probably doesn’t have anything to bother himself over you about. Maybe he’s just messing around with you because you are easy to rile up.”

“You too?!” you cried and Jaebum chuckled. “No, I’m not easy game! And even if I were, I’ve asked him to leave me alone, so shouldn’t he?”

“Well, what have you exactly said to him?” Jaebum became thoughtful for a moment. “You have told him you’ve met your soulmate already, right?”

“No,” you answered, wondering why it was needed to do so. You didn’t view Jinyoung in a romantic light in the slightest. Even considering it for a mere second made you shudder. “I don’t share my personal life with him.”

“Maybe he likes you.”

You smirked, readjusting your laptop. “Just because to you I’m irresistible, doesn’t mean everyone thinks the same way. Jinyoung is just annoying me because he is an asshole.”

“Don’t you remember when Jackson wouldn’t leave Glynnis alone in middle school? He annoyed her until she screamed at him in front of everyone in class.”

You thought back to the time, smiling lightly. “He blurted out he was in love with her and made her cry from embarrassment.”

“Jinyoung could be doing the same thing.”

Trying to compare your situation with the juvenile one of your past, you shook your head. “He’s an adult now Jae, surely he would know there are better ways to approach someone if he felt that way.” 

“You never know. If you state it to him that I exist, he might stop.”

“Maybe,” you replied, still in thought. And then you glanced back at the video representation of your boyfriend and pouted. “Doesn’t any of this bother you?”

“No, why should it? You’re capable of solving this issue yourself and I’m not threatened if he does like you. I know you only have eyes for me.”

You grinned, nodding happily. “Of course, you’re my forever.”

Deciding to put Jaebum’s advice into action, you attempted to throw it out that you were in a relationship with your soulmate more than once but it never quite eventuated. Either Jinyoung would steer the conversation away or you would be disrupted by something around you. At night, you would consider new options on how to tell him, chiding yourself for holding back from doing so when you could have just pushed forth. Once he knew you were in a relationship, hopefully, he would step back and give you some space.

It was three weeks later when you both had hired a study room to escape the noise of the main library floor to get some actual work done that you finally announced it. You were both silent for most of the first hour, and for once, Jinyoung was more involved in preparing for your upcoming exams instead of harassing you. It was a perfect opportunity and yet you stalled for twenty minutes, trying to word it right within your head.

Jinyoung sighed heavily. “What is it?”

“Do you believe in soulmates?” you wondered and he didn’t look up from his laptop, his tapping on the keys persistent.

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“Have you met yours?” you continued and finally his hands slowed down, now hovering over the keys without any direction to keep moving. Jinyoung blinked slowly and you leaned over the table unconsciously. “Whether through dreams or in person?”

Whilst you hadn’t dreamt of Jaebum, you had always believed you never needed to since you met him at an early age. Most other people dreamed of who they were destined to before they met them and suddenly you were curious if Jinyoung had or not. Maybe you could help him find his soulmate so he could leave you alone.

When he looked up at you, his eyes were darker, swirling with several emotions. You were taken aback, jumping and hitting into the back of your seat in the process. “What if I have?”

“You have?!” you asked, eyes widening. “Really?!”

“Does it matter if I have or not?” He went back to typing, albeit at a slower rate.

“Well, not to me it doesn’t I guess.” You weren’t sure why his vague answer troubled you so much. You almost didn’t say the next part in your thought process, and when you did, it came out weaker than you intended. “I have.”

Jinyoung tilted his head but didn’t otherwise respond. It irked you. “Did you hear me?”

“You have what?”

“I know who my soulmate is,” you told him and Jinyoung glanced back up you, his eyes now hesitant. You searched his vulnerable expression for a moment, blinking rapidly when you felt your heart thumping in your chest harder. “I uh, I’ve known my soulmate since I was a child. We don’t go to school together but we’re very much a couple.”

No response. 

You watched Jinyoung until your cheeks were burning with embarrassment, wondering why you had even listened to Jaebum in the first place. Jinyoung hadn’t reacted how you expected him to and you felt increasingly uncomfortable.

Just when you thought he was going to ignore you entirely, his head snapped up, a smile that you had never seen before now greeting you. You didn’t have enough time to examine it as his next words distracted you. “I didn’t know we were that close to share personal details like that, Y/N.” 

“Oh, well uh-”

Jinyoung scraped back his chair, still smiling yet the force of shutting his laptop conflicted the cheerful gesture exhibiting on his lips. “I’m done studying today, you can have the rest of the time to yourself.”

You watched him leave and it hit you then, the fakeness of his response. His eyes had said otherwise. 

He very much so cared. 

Jinyoung was bitter from your announcement. And instead of giving you immediate relief, his reaction only troubled you further.

Why did you feel like you had broken him?  

You snapped up with a jolt, breathing heavily as you attempted to shake away the dream. You had found yourself standing outside the same unfamiliar home you always dreamed of, seeing the back profile of a man who you had never been able to distinguish. Desperation overwhelmed you still; just as much as you wished to reach out for him in your dreams, now back within reality, you craved to know who this man was. For some time, you had been convinced it was Jaebum with how much you felt a need to be around the mysterious person. You did eventually realise his figure was different than your boyfriend’s and it puzzled you that you wouldn’t ever dream of anything but this one person. 

Everyone believed dreams were the gateway to your past life’s connection to your soulmate, so it always bothered you when Jaebum wouldn’t turn around and face you within this alternate reality.

Reaching out for your bottle of water on your nightstand, you unscrewed the lid and gulped down a couple of mouthfuls, your eyes still searching the darkness surrounding you for clues. You knew the dream world wouldn’t be waiting behind your eyelids again, no matter how much you would try to force yourself back to that house, to that view; it was never in your control.

You were comfortable with knowing your destiny wasn’t fully within your hands, but you also required clarity in your life. Whenever the path looked unclear, you would dream of this other lifetime, never finding out anything further than what was shown to you.

And ever since you had told Jinyoung about Jaebum, the dream had reoccurred every night for the past twelve days.

Which was the same amount of time that Jinyoung had disappeared from your world. 

You had rejoiced initially. The one thing you had always hoped for was just this, freedom from his teasing, space from his close proximity and yet you didn’t appreciate this feeling at all. Your eyes sought him out across the room longingly some days, watching his back view often. It felt too familiar to you, something you had seen so often within another world. 

Tonight you were slowly starting to entertain something conflicting. 

Why would it be Jinyoung in your dreams? He had no place in there and you laughed incredulously, as if the sound could dislodge your disillusioned thought process. What would your past self have to do with Jinyoung? Jaebum was your soulmate. You had the feelings, the connection, everything you were meant to. With Jinyoung, you had merely frustration. You had touched him before and there had been no sudden revelation of feelings to overwhelm you with. 

Before you placed too much weight in it, you picked up your phone, letting it ring until a sleep-filled voice mumbled in answer. “Hello?”

“You dream of me, right?” you pleaded, chewing on your lip in anxious anticipation.

“Y/N it’s four in the morning, why are you calling me about dreams?”

“Just answer it. I’m in your dreams right?”

Jaebum paused, evidently wiping the sleep away from his face with the sigh that sounded into the receiver. He didn’t answer right away, and you blinked back your emotions. Why was it so hard to respond? If you weren’t dreaming of Jaebum, you would feel at ease knowing he dreamt of you instead. His silence was confirming suspicions that had been growing underneath your relationship for some time. 

“You don’t?” you whispered and Jaebum groaned.

“Y/N, why are you getting hung up on dreams?” he wondered but even Jaebum knew that dreams meant something to one’s soul. The lifeline of your past had brought you to this point.

You existed and so did your past. It was an intertwining bond of past and present that shaped your destiny. Being ‘hung up’ over dreams was kind of expected.

“You really don’t?”

Jaebum sighed again. “I’ve never dreamt. Not once.”

The very next day, you walked across the lecture hall to where Jinyoung sat, his gaze widening when it connected with yours before he looked away to his textbook. When you didn’t move on, he let out a heavy breath, glancing back at you. “Can I help you with anything?”

Was he always this cold towards you? It made you blink rapidly whilst your chest panged with heartache, as if he had just attacked you physically. Breathing felt difficult and you placed your hands down on the top of the desk for support and to hopefully break free from the pain. 

“I dream of you.”

Such a simple sentence to blurt out but the reaction from Jinyoung was instant. He looked as if all the air had been sucked out of him, his dark eyes unblinking as they bored back at you. At first, you saw fear. The hope that swirled within his panic. The multitude of emotions reached out for you one after the other, overwhelming you until you could no longer take it and you turned away, departing the class before it began. 

For the rest of the day, you avoided the world. You hid in your dorm room, trying to decipher all that had happened in that moment. You connected it to the conversation you held with Jinyoung in the study room that day, linking the reactions as one and the same. You had been right; it bothered him greatly when you mentioned having a soulmate already. Your proclamation this morning only convinced you further that Jinyoung’s attention on you had more reason than that of a fellow student. 

Did he dream of you as well? Of that quaint house you had never entered? Was it a home he had once lived in? You were riddled with questions, yet you ignored every message you received on your phone as well. You knew it was him. The incessant buzzing reminded you of his constant appearance at your side this year and eventually, you silenced your phone, throwing it down on your nightstand and yanked your covers over your head.

At some point, you fell asleep.

The house stood before you yet again, though this time, you saw him. Not within the house, no, you were there instead. Why had the angle changed? It was you who had the home, the fence behind you keeping Jinyoung out. He seemed so far away yet you could make out that gaze all too well. He was hurting and you couldn’t fathom why.

And then you heard someone calling for you, or at least, it felt as if it were a name you once went by. You turned to see Jaebum standing before you, pulling you within the home and shutting Jinyoung out behind the door.

When you sat up from this dream, you were breathing heavily, the tears streaming from your eyes effortlessly. You should have rejoiced, you had finally dreamed of Jaebum. Yet you felt a loss like no other. Even when your grandmother had passed away when you were a teenager, it hadn’t hurt this bad. You wanted to close your eyes again, to go back to the door and open it. You needed to see Jinyoung again. The gaze he held before Jaebum pulled you inside was haunting you now that you were awake. His pain felt like your own.

Somehow, you noticed the sudden glow in your room despite your eyes seeing a different world still. Blinking, you turned to pick up your phone, unlocking the device and reading the latest message from Jinyoung with a tremble.

I dream of you too.

Sitting across from Jinyoung the next day felt awkward. You gripped onto the burning hot mug within your hands and yet it was all you could think to do. 

That and reach out for him. Strangely, all you had wanted since meeting up with him at the campus coffee house was just that. Part of it was juvenile. You wanted to see if you felt something this time touching him. But more so, you craved a comfort from him that you never expected to desire. 

So you held the mug tightly, ignoring the warnings your fingers were sending to your brain about the heat and stared back at the dark haired man before you.

Silence had sat between you both for a good ten minutes before Jinyoung finally spoke up. “Since when?”

“When what?”

“Are you sure it’s me?” 

You stared at him then, properly this time. There was no humour, not a playful smile in sight. Instead, he was scared. You knew you were as well, but noticing the emotion in his eyes made you wish to remove it. And that only frightened you further. 

Blinking away your thoughts, you mumbled, “For as long as I can remember. And it’s you, I saw your front view for the first time last night.”

That dream continued to repeat over and over until the morning finally arrived, your mind and soul fatigued from such a constant workout. You noted the lack of quality of sleep within Jinyoung’s gaze too and it made you curious. 

“When did you start dreaming of me?”

He shared a wistful smile. “When I was eight.”

“You remember a distinct age?”

“Well, of course,” he replied with a grin, easing you somewhat. “When I told my Mum I dreamed of some weird woman, she freaked out and made me tell her every detail. Then she explained to me what the dream meant.”

“What did she say?” you wondered, leaning forward, encouraging him to share more. Jinyoung’s ears flamed pink and you smirked. “What?!”

“She told me one day I would meet you and to record every dream I’ve had because you were my past and eventually would be my present and future.”

You slumped back in your chair immediately, cursing yourself for being eager. You willed your heart to slow down. 

Finally, you found the courage to talk. “I have a soulmate, though.”

“Doesn’t everyone,” Jinyoung murmured, taking a sip of his coffee. He sighed softly. “My soulmate is in love with another man. History is repeating, huh?”

You glanced up then, eyebrows knitted together. “What?”

“Have you dreamed of much?” Jinyoung asked, posing himself within the chair, exuding confidence that only confirmed what you had assumed on your way here. Jinyoung had dreamt of you a great deal. And whilst you had as well of him, it had always been the same angle. What had he seen that you hadn’t? You stared at him for a moment, jealous that his connection with his dreams seemed stronger. 

He smirked. “Unlike you, I’ve had years to wait for this opportunity. You weren’t even looking for me, so why would you dream in-depth?”

“How do you know what I have and haven’t dreamt of?”

“You face gave you away,” he admitted with a chuckle and you pouted at his teasing. It was nice though, to see him like that again and your childish reactions to it.

It didn’t last long, Jinyoung’s expression faltered, much like his mood. He still couldn’t slip back to before.

Back to when he thought you were his this time around.

You groaned with how confusing this all was. “What am I like in your dreams?”

“Someone who I missed the opportunity with in another life. We didn’t cross paths until it was too late. I chose to let you remain with the man you had married.”

Wait… married? Your mouth fell ajar as you tried to keep up to speed. 

“My mother urged me to not let you slip away this time. If soulmates miss their opportunity in one lifetime, it can lead to complications in another. If they miss twice, they may never meet again in the future. At least, that’s what is written whenever I researched it.”

Of course, Park Jinyoung and sought out the knowledge of the phenomena unlike you.

Not that you had believed you had a reason to.

And what made you think you did now? Because you dreamed of him? Just because that happened didn’t mean your life had to change. You had been happy with Jaebum. You had always believed it was him. He was familiar, like a home.

You thought back to how he pulled you within the house in your dreams and you grabbed at your throbbing head. “It’s too much.”

“Is it?”

You glanced up then, the vulnerable way Jinyoung was staring at you catching your breath in your chest. He blinked back his own emotions, trying to smile. “Too much is dreaming of never being the chosen one. Too much is hearing from your own mouth that you’d known your soulmate since a child. I don’t know, Y/N. Was I truly destined to suffer so much over and over?”

Your world blurred then as the tears welled within your eyes. Had he really suffered that much? Since figuring it all out, the last two days had been a whirlwind of emotions you had never anticipated to experience.

Especially not with him. 

For the first time, you doubted who Jaebum was to you. You even doubted who you were.

You didn’t want anyone to suffer. And yet, it seemed inevitable. 

Exams were done with, and semester break had arrived. Heading home signalled a crossroads within your life. You would leave Jinyoung back in your schooling world and immerse yourself in the one you had once felt confident within.

You were nervous to see Jaebum, however.

Things had been somewhat strained since your phone call that night, with you now knowing that your soul had two men within its past journey and neither was a right or wrong. Jaebum hadn’t pressed the matter either, which upset you more than you had let on to him. You had hoped he could break you out of the funk you were in over Jinyoung. That he could say something to make you forget about all the dreams, the newfound feelings, the continued battle within you to spend more time with someone who wasn’t your boyfriend. At one point, you had considered Jinyoung an enemy! Now you considered too many things about him. 

The solace you craved from being home again was short-lived. You met with friends, you laughed with family and you reminisced of the old times. 

With Jaebum especially. 

Sitting across from him in your family home felt strange now. At first, you had bounded up to his arrival at the door, smiling when you saw him and wrapped your arms around him as he hugged you back. You had hoped that hug would remove any niggling insecurities. It hadn’t, if anything, his embrace felt different. Not cold, because you could never imagine Jaebum to be that way with you. Yet there was no warmth like there once was. 

The barrier between you was evident. 

After catching up on school stuff, your conversation fell short, neither of you immediately addressing the elephant within the room until the silence became unbearable. Why was it hard to connect with him now?

“Are you still dreaming?” he finally asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Mm.”

“Have you seen who the man is in person at all?” Glancing up, you were surprised that Jaebum had asked the question at all. He was watching you intently, a sad smile crossing his lips. “You have, huh.”

One time, you had told Jaebum about your dream. Hoping that he had seen it himself and could shed light on what it meant. Now and then he would ask you about it, and in the past, you had assured him that you were none the wiser.

Had Jaebum known you weren’t his soulmate all this time?

“Is it him?”

“Who?”

“The guy who bothered you, is it him?” Jaebum continued and you nodded once, only listening to the sigh that left him as you were too ashamed to look up now. Even though you hadn’t done a thing, you felt as if you had cheated with Jinyoung. It was a precarious feeling, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

Jaebum didn’t respond for a while. You couldn’t speak of your thoughts either. Nothing made sense, and clarity remained out of reach.

And then he stood up. He smiled down at you, chuckled even. “I always wondered why I didn’t dream of you. Now I know why.”

“I wish it was you.”

“No, you should wish for your real soulmate.”

You shrugged. “I’m kind of over the whole concept, to be honest.”

“And we thought our teenage years were hard, huh?” he mentioned with a grin and you rolled your eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of your mouth all the same momentarily. 

“What do we do, Jaebum?” 

He reached out to rub the top of your arms, still smiling down at you. “Are you sure of him?”

“How can I be sure of anything? I’m with you.”

“Maybe you need to step back from me and find out who he is. I’ll always be in your life, perhaps just not as how we originally thought. Who knows, maybe I’ll start dreaming now too.”

And just like that, your first love had given you the sacrifice you would need to figure everything out. 

When you returned to your dorm after your break, a package was waiting for you. Once settled in from your journey, you reached to open it, finding a plain notebook inside. There was no note from the sender, and you frowned before placing it down on your desk and taking a shower. When you returned, the puzzle of the book grappled at you until you flipped to the first page.

The handwriting was legible but definitely youthful. What it lacked in style was made up in the content. It felt as if you were reading some fantastical storyline about soulmates for the next several pages. You felt the years go by as the writing style changed, the neatness improving, and losing that story-telling charm. Some pages only had a few words on them. Others were longer, more time spent on the feelings experienced rather than the actual happenings. 

By the time you reached the last entry in the journal, you felt as if you had ridden a rollercoaster and as you climbed off, you found you knew more about yourself through the eyes of someone else than you had ever expected to. 

It made you leap up from your chair, hurriedly place on some extra clothing, and then head out into the brisk evening. You had an idea of where Jinyoung lived, but not the exact address and yet this didn’t deter you from making your way over there at all. After bumping into a fellow classmate, you found out the information you needed and went into a building, taking a few deep breaths outside of the door before you knocked on it.

When it opened, Jinyoung stared at you quietly, not inviting you in, nor greeting you at all. It made your cheeks flush with embarrassment, unsure now as to why you were standing here. The item you held tightly to your chest reminded you of your rushed emotions and you held it out towards him feebly. “I read your journal.”

Jinyoung still didn’t respond, eyes hard, searching yours for something. 

You smiled weakly and rocked on your heels, thrusting it out towards him further. “Thank you for letting me read it.”

“Really? That’s all?” he wondered and you blinked, frowning slightly. “You’re thanking me for showing you the most personal thing in my life?”

“Well, I … I mean… can I come in?”

You glanced both ways down the hallway, feeling exposed. Jinyoung was still for a moment and then scoffed. “Do you really want to?”

You knew the added implication despite his response. That was his way of protecting his feelings, it always had been. Despite this, he was searching your eyes for a sign that he could let some of them show. Hope infiltrated his stare once more. You smiled and that was enough for him to grab a hold of you, pulling you inside his room.

And once the door was shut, he pressed you against it. 

The swiftness of this new position winded you, though breathing became all too difficult to comprehend once Jinyoung’s lips met yours. They merely pressed into yours, connecting yet unmoving. Even with just the weight of his mouth on yours, a fire burned within you, unlike anything you had felt before. Every inch of your body felt as if it was alive, the colours around you both now vivid, blinding. His kiss began to build languidly, and within that moment, your eyes fluttered shut, still feeling, seeing and hearing too much. Stars rained down behind your eyes, and the hairs stood up upon your skin. You could hear his equally staggered breath, the hot air blowing out from his nose onto your cheek. The thumping of your own heart rivalled by his own and when you finally pulled away to catch your breath, your hands were now threaded through the ends of his silky hair, anchored there. 

Jinyoung slowly smiled. “I can actually do this with you, right?”

“I wouldn’t have come to you if I couldn’t do this with a clear conscience.”

Somehow, his smile grew. And then you were tasting him again.

You didn’t rush. But as the weeks went by, you realised that the past that you had once lived, both in this lifetime and beyond that was definitely not your future. 

It eased you when Jaebum messaged you telling you he had dreamed of someone as well. It was as if this whole puzzle had pieces that needed to be put in place before the next one could be discovered and placed down as well. 

And there was still a whole lot of pieces to go. After all, you had so much to discover about Jinyoung. You hadn’t grown up with him, and over the months of getting to know him so far, well, you had kind of disliked him.

Perhaps your dislike towards him was because you couldn’t figure out why he bothered you so much. And even though you now had a reason behind his place in your life, he still was the same guy you had sworn was sent to drive you insane. Which Jinyoung had innate skill at doing, whether it was by getting your attention during class, or taking your breath away in endless kisses, he was always there right at your side.

And you knew in this lifetime, he always would be.

_________________

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A Critical Look at “Pokemon: Sword and Shield” From a Casual’s Perspective...

A/N: Hey! if you’re reading this, then thank you! I don’t know why, but I thought to myself, “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to write a pointless essay about a Pokemon game?” And then I realized today was the 1YR anniversary of SWSH, so I figured I might as well just do it! So even though I’m late and probably nobody will really care to read all this nonsense, I wrote it! If you’re interested in all the analyses of PKMN SWSH, but aren’t too invested in the technical mumbo-jumbo used by the more hardcore fans, then maybe you’ll enjoy this. 

Also, it’s worth mentioning that I’m literally just some rando on the internet saying my opinion. None of this should really be taken SUPER seriously - it’s mainly designed to provoke thought rather than try to argue any specific idea. So if I say something that you don’t agree with, you got two options: 1) Draft a constructive comment or DM to me and we can discuss calmly like adults, 2) shake your idea and ignore this. There’s really no need to get heated up over a video game essay, of all things, so let’s not do that lol. 

But other than that, yeah! If you’re interested in more stuff like this from me (in-depth analyses of Pokemon games from the perspective of a low-key casual), lemme know! I’d love to chat with anyone about this awesome series.

So, without any further ado, let’s get into the essay (warning: it’s like ~8k words).

Introduction...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Pokemon! Love it or hate it, Pokemon has had a huge impact on popular culture in countless countries in a number of different ways, sparking memes, dreams, and happiness everywhere! It holds a very special place in my heart - Pokemon was a game that I got to share with my two older siblings, was one of the first fandoms I got into, and was a big reason as to why I grew to love creative writing so much after writing a couple fanfictions for the games. I’ve been playing Pokemon ever since my brother gave me a copy of Pokemon: Ruby and have been a devoted fan ever since. While I may not be super into the strategy and damn near mathematical aspects of gameplay, I’d like to consider myself a relatively knowledgeable fan with enough extra knowledge to give a look at one of these games from a casual, yet analytical view. So what game other than the newest title, Pokemon: Sword and Shield, with its release anniversary being today? In this casual online essay, I hope to describe all my thoughts of Sword and Shield (which I’ll shorten down to just “SWSH”) from the perspective of the everyday Pokemon fan.

General Gameplay...

Many top-title games of Nintendo are best known for their simplicity: in Super Mario Bros, you’re a mustachioed red guy jumping on monsters to try and save some random princess (who may or may not be in this castle); in The Legend of Zelda, you’re a green elf-looking guy slashing wildly at monsters with a sword given to you by some old guy in hopes of defeating some ultimate bad guy; and in Pokemon, you’re a child wandering around the region catching monsters who also accidentally saves the world before becoming the very best (like no-one ever was). And while the games themselves have grown from that initial stylistic simplicity, some have lost that creative in-depthness in favor of being playable for children. This is probably the biggest issue with the newer Pokemon games as of late.

Regardless, let’s look into the playability of SWSH.

It’s played like your regular Pokemon game; you’re a kid who journeys to become the Champion of Pokemon Battling with your friend, catching monsters known as “Pokemon” with pocket-sized balls dubbed “Pokeballs.” But I’m sure you’re all aware of that information, and are instead asking “Well, what’s the deeper plot?” Yeah, no, that’s it. You’re a kid catching Pokemon to become champion - oh, and you also accidentally save the world from a power-hungry businessman - but that’s neither here nor there.

Plot aside, the game is a bit barebones. It’s pretty linear gameplay (literally linear - the map of the Galar region is almost exactly a straight-line waltz from Postwick to Wyndon, which is a bit weird after dealing with the giant, sprawling maps of earlier generations) where you travel from place to place, beating gyms and catching ‘mons, before getting into a couple scuffles and becoming champion. For an RPG-styled game, it comes off as much too simplistic for older fans (I’d even reason that it’s too simplistic for younger players, as well). While I will say, I don’t exactly miss the days of hopelessly wandering around a pixel city, trying desperately to figure out how to move on to the next town because the answer to the puzzle is hidden in this giant area that my little peanut-brain couldn’t figure out at the time. But it is a bit demeaning to get “Hey, do you know where to go?” and  “Hey, follow me so you don’t get lost!” and “Oh, yeah, want another tutorial on how to easily catch Pokemon for the fourth time in a row?” every two seconds in a city where there’s only two places to check out.

But we can’t really discuss the gameplay of Pokemon without discussing the highlights of the region. Ever since the transition from 2D to 3D, Pokemon games have begun a trend of gimmicks - which I like to call “battle enhancers” - that they use to add uniqueness to their games. X&Y had Mega Evolution, Sun and Moon (and USUM) had Z-Moves, and now we have Dynamax! As we all know, battle enhancers are the strategy by which the player uses some extraterrestrial/magic stone to physically enhance one pokemon at a time for a certain period of time - in the case of Dynamax, the pokemon either grows in size or changes in form, gaining the ability to use special type-based attacks for a duration of three turns.

Honestly, I think it’s a pretty fun mechanic! Dynamax combines the good components of both Z-Moves and Mega Evolution - new forms, awesome moves, and a ticking clock. It adds a bit more strategy to the battle enhancer, where the player actually has to plan out who and when to Dynamax (though it’s really not that hard - most everyone will save it for their ace or the pokemon with the type advantage at the very end of the battle, because that’s what you do). But it’s fun and creative, making the battle a bit more exciting when you see your beloved ace become gargantuan on a field while the audience chants in excitement. Initially, I was skeptical of the battle enhancer, but once I threw myself into the game and really got into it, I felt it was fun and cool for the region. My feelings were further improved when I learned that Dynamax was inspired by the idea that the Nintendo Switch had the potential to be played on the TV as well as in a hand-held mode. The idea of turning pokemon “big” on a “big-screen” is really just so cute to me, really. Overall, it’s a fitting concept that is paired well to the game when everything is considered.

But when you look beyond the Dynamx experience to find more content in the game… there’s really not much else. Many people (including me) were ecstatic to hear about the free-roam areas in SWSH - the Wild Areas. Here, you can do all the fun grinding stuff that makes Pokemon games a bit more challenging and fun - hatching eggs, shiny-hunting, running around in circles, Dynamax dens, etc. But when looking at other Pokemon games, that’s really it. Let’s examine Pokemon: Sun and Moon, for example. This game really shines not just for its refreshing setting and compelling plot-line, but also for it’s amount of cute and quirky mini-games to be enjoyed for a good while outside of the main story. Pyukumuku Chucking, Mantine Surfing, the Alolan Photo Club, Ultra Warp Ride Travel - a good handful of mini-games that appeal to different kinds of people! All of these mini-games aren’t just tossed in there, either - they have a fitting place in the culture of the world and add to it, rather than just reiterating it. But when you look for mini-games in SWSH, you won’t really find anything aside from just battling. Sure, there’s the Battle Tower, as well, but I’ll personally say that I’ve never been a fan of the concept of post-game NPC battle buildings. For a hardcore player, they might be fun, but as a casual who can’t devote the time to really dig into understanding how IVs and competitive breeding works, they’re really no fun. Not to mention that nothing is really being added or developed with these battle buildings; they don’t add to lore, they don’t add to the culture of the region, you don’t even really gain anything from it - they’re pretty much just places to battle the occasional familiar face and that’s it. While I’m sure plenty of people adore these facilities in the games, I’ve never been too partial to them (I’d even prefer those god-forsaken casinos over another goddamn battle frontier).

But my biggest problem lies with the release of the DLC. While I’m not against the idea of DLC in general, both The Isle of Armour and The Crown Tundra left a bitter taste in my mouth when I started thinking about the issue of playability in SWSH.

I have always been more invested in the storyline of Pokemon games rather than the battling aspects. Usually I’ve always just gotten through the main story, then wandered around to find extra post-game content or mini-games, and then moved on to other games. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing - I just figure that the games have served their purpose for me upon completion, so rather than bore myself wandering around and doing things that don’t interest me, I go find another game that has more story-based content. That being said, I finished SWSH in less time than any other Pokemon game (I’d say somewhere around twenty hours, complete with me running around in circles like an idiot before rushing through content intermittently); as a result, I was no longer actively playing the game by the time the DLC was announced.

I’ll be honest and say that when I learned about all that was being offered in both sets of DLC, I felt a bit betrayed. I’m well-aware that Nintendo is a corporate business, and therefore will always prioritize financial gain over their fans’ lasting enjoyment of their titles - that’s just a fact of life. But I couldn’t help but feel like I paid a bunch of money for the bundled titles, only to play a game that hardly could be considered worthwhile or satisfying without added headcanons or fan-works, and then get told that extra content is available that may or may not add satisfaction to the experience that’s already long since ended for me. It was just a bit disappointing - and I’m not talking about the whole “Dexit” deal (I actually was on-board with the idea of having no real National Dex - I felt it added realism to the games and would force players to get to know the new Pokemon instead of just choosing the same team they always have since Gen 1 or whatever). My gripe is that I paid for a whole game, wasn’t satisfied with the result, only to hear later that the content that I might have been missing is available to pay for? That’s incredibly annoying. Not to mention that I was further disappointed after learning about the contents of the DLC, but we’ll get into that later.

Overall, the playability of SWSH is very basic, but can be enjoyable if you suspend belief and just enjoy it for what it is. When it comes to storyline, it’s not much of a game, and doesn’t sport much post-game content besides battling.

Immersion and Ambience...

Many of my friends can attest that I tend to like silly, fantastical concepts because I personally love to throw myself into the universe being offered to me. Pokemon is really no different - the games have always sported a very immersive experience for me thanks to the combination of interesting regions and evocative music (especially the music).

I think that most every Pokemon fan has a specific region, city, and music theme that sparks a plethora of nostalgic emotions to the point of near tears. For me, that’s always been Pokemon: Platinum, the Twinleaf Town theme - just staring into the rippling reflection of the pond by the player’s home, listening to that beautiful synth clarinet playing that nostalgic melody - it makes my heart beat with so much fervent passion that I hardly have the words to describe it! And I think that sense of nostalgia - regardless of whether or not those memories are old or new - has always been a strong-suit for Pokemon games. They always have the ability to inspire such deep emotions in me and other alike in a variety of ways, further adding to the ability to immerse us into the game’s world. And whether your favorite area is as simple as Twinleaf Town in the Sinnoh region, or as agonizing as Rock Tunnel in Kanto, it’s the spirit of certain cities/towns/routes that further add to the immersion of the world in question. But how well does SWSH hold those values? Spoiler Alert: Not very well.

SWSH, in the end, is still a Pokemon game - so the setting is very vibrant and colorful and everything that can hold my attention for long periods of time. But the problem arises when one begins to progress through the game and continuously forgets what’s where and where’s what. A lot of the map is painfully basic (again, due to the literal linear nature of the Galar region) and the cities themselves kind of lack their own real originality. There was an attempt at unique cities that’s become iconic of the Pokemon franchise, but it doesn’t really stick. I think most people would agree with me that the only real memorable areas in the main game were Slumbering Weald, Ballonlea, and Spikemuth, and each of these areas have their own set of problems that also make them a bit difficult to fully enjoy. At their core, most all Galarian cities have the same basic set-up: basic green plants (if plants are in that area at all), the same brick roads that lead either to the gym or to a route leading in/out of city to another city, and a giant gym/key building in the center of it all. And that’s really about it. No real interesting buildings except for gyms and Rose Tower (and I guess technically the hotels), no extraneous locations that aren’t directly related to the plot or to gimmicks - it’s very bare-bones and really can take you out of the experience.

In a hard contrast, I’ll give the example of Generation 1’s region set up - every city has its own personality that also matches the feel of the region as a whole. Every city is based on colors, and each city is themed after that, respectively (i.e. Vermillion City, the city of sunsets themed around the color orange, is home to the Pokemon Fan Club and the kick-ass electric-type gym that initiates feelings of excitement; Lavender Town, the noble town themed around the color purple, is home to the Pokemon Tower and spooky spirits that inspire feelings of somberness and reticence). Obviously, this isn’t very realistic, but the trick isn’t to replicate reality - it is to inspire reality. The Kanto region is incredibly creative, and therefore is easy to immerse oneself into the world because it’s become a world we are actively interested in. We know that it could never truly be real or plausible, but that hardly matters when we are so enthralled with the colors and set-up and feeling of the towns. We don’t really get much of that in Galar. It probably isn’t such a great idea for your final city - being Wyndon - to feel blank and lifeless when compared to minor cities in the region. And even when we find cities that hold that uniqueness we desire like in Spikemuth or Ballonlea, there’s really no other reason to be there longer than just beating the gym. It’s sad, really. Spikemuth is such a interesting, creative-looking town home to such cool characters, and yet there literally is only one path to get in and out of the town - the town isn’t even given small houses to investigate like literally every other city in the region. It’s a waste of potential! The fact that I can’t investigate such a promising setting that inspires me really takes me out of the world, reminding me that this is just a video game in which you move from Point A to Point B. It’s no longer a fantasy world for me to explore, but instead a line at the DMV to get my Drivers’ License. The only real good thing about this is that fanfiction writers get so much free-reign when it comes to writing about the city - the only thing we really learn about the city is that it’s underfunded and gloomy and that’s literally it. I would have really liked to see more inspired cities around the region where things outside of the main plot can be done, but hopefully this is just a problem we’ll see in this region.

Probably the most important aspect of immersion (in my opinion) is the music. With the potential to make or break a game for me, I hold a lot of expectations on the music found in video games (I’ve been classically trained in music since elementary school, and have always had a fondness for video game music). Pokemon music has always been some of the most inspiring pieces of art in my life - whether it be the kickass battle suite of Champion Cynthia, or the somber piano melody of Emma’s Theme, the music of Pokemon has always been the first thing I notice and analyze whenever playing the latest title. That all being said, I have quite a few notes to make in regards to the soundtrack of SWSH.

I’ll start with the pros, first. Generally, every main title has had its own feel when it comes to the soundtrack - DPP was jazzy and smooth, Sun and Moon was based on popular Hawaiian music meshed together with classic Pokemon synths, RSE was all about the horn section (trombones and french horns all the way!). SWSH, at the end of the day, isn’t much different. The region is inspired by the UK, so it’s no surprise to discover that the soundtrack was inspired by popular British Rock. As a result, a lot of themes went really hard, keeping a hint of individuality even when some battle themes hosted similar instruments. The biggest appeal of the soundtrack, I believe, was found in the little moments, namely the cheers of the gym battle themes. I think it’s safe to say that most people get super hyped when they hear those rhythmical chants coming to life whenever in the final leg of the battle, right when you begin to Dynamax. That’s amazingly exciting, never failing to suck me into that exact moment to gather the power of God and anime to defeat my opponent. While I wasn’t totally rocking out to every single song that came on, I was pretty satisfied with the music of SWSH, overall. It’s not too bad, and hosts a few bops that I still seek out to get my blood pumping.

But, as to be expected, there are plenty of cons when it comes to the soundtrack of SWSH. I could go over this for hours and hours, detailing complex definitions of music theory and basic song comprehension, but I’ll just make this nice and simple: it was really bland.

Note that I said “bland” and not “bad” - the music is fine in my opinion, I just wasn’t feeling the same feelings as I had in previous Pokemon titles. It all felt like Pokemon music, but not much else. It was like remembering hints of a memory long-lost, but you don’t really care about to dig deep into your mind for context. Towns had music, routes had music, pokemon and characters had battle themes, yada yada yada, nothing really to write home about. If I had to pick a song that honestly, truly invoked emotions beyond “Oh it’s battle time, now”, it would have to be the Battle Tower Theme, and that’s most likely because it was written by someone else entirely (Toby Fox, also known as the creator of Undertale and composer of super hard-hitting jams). And the worst part is that I never would have even been able to hear the Battle Tower theme because I hate battle buildings (which is more of a personal problem, I know, but still). Honestly, I would have preferred hearing that theme as compared to Champion Leon’s battle theme - I feel like his champion theme was very bland and lifeless, simply holding all the required elements of a Pokemon battle theme just because that’s what has to happen. It’s uninspired, faceless, and corporate, only to be completely foiled by the unique blast of energy found in the Battle Theme, which just screams “Prove that you’re the best!” over and over to me (also known as a big theme in the Pokemon games, especially in SWSH).

That’s not to say that every other theme in the game was terrible. I much enjoyed Marnie and Piers’ battle themes, but for a different reason. As we know, Piers and Marnie host a more “punk rock” style when compared to literally everyone else in-game, a trademark of Spikemuth citizens. With their occasionally cold and prickly (no pun intended) personalities, their themes go a bit harder into rock-land as compared to characters like Hop or Bede. There’s no conflict of style there - it’s “punk” with “rock”, loads of guitars and bass with a hint of synths to keep that Pokemon flare, and fits a bit better in the setting of the world. Mild conflict arises when we start looking at characters who aren’t rockstars or idols - let’s look at Bede’s theme, for example. While it really isn’t a bad theme (it’s actually, dare I say, a bop), I wouldn’t exactly say that the resulting pieces fit neatly together like they do for the Spikemuth duo. Bede’s theme requires a lot of synths to accentuate his more flamboyant and immature personality, but also holds ties with the rock guitars while also trying so desperately hard to sound like a Pokemon song. Now, I don’t think “Pop Synth Rock” is anything bad, per se; I just feel like the added rock elements didn’t do much to add to the musical representation of our cliche jerk-face “rival”. It feels like the rock elements were an after-thought rather than a planned layer of musicality. I could really say the same thing about Hop’s theme, but then I would have to re-listen to Hop’s theme because I always forget what it sounds like even after listening to it a second before.

A big problem is that not many of these themes hold lastingly memorable motifs/melodies, which is a personal pet-peeve of mine in games where the music is highly esteemed. In pretty much every battle theme (except the generic pokemon encounter theme, which is the same melody in every Pokemon game, only with variations added to fit the music theme of the region) is just an on-going strip of notes that sound nice when playing the game, but if you tried to pick out the specific melody-line of that character, it’s a bit of work to really find anything. Let’s look at a more concrete example: Lusamine’s battle theme from Pokemon: Sun and Moon is up on my list of most memorable battle themes, and will do well without the extra influence of young me’s nostalgia seeping in like it would with earlier generations’ battle themes. Lusamine, as we know, was the elite antagonist of the game, being the leader of this esteemed Pokemon protection group who later is revealed to be using Pokemon for her own demented goals of perfection. Almost immediately, the player hears the signature accents of the harpsichord playing the prime motif before the piece digs into a full orchestration. It doesn’t sacrifice anything for the sake of “sounding like a Pokemon song”, nor does it sacrifice anything for the sake of keeping with the musical inspiration. Instead, it focuses on being exactly what it needs to be - a musical representation of Lusamine, hosting orchestra-based instruments (piano, violas and cellos, horns, violins, light pad synths, etc…). Most anyone can pick out a handful of memorable motifs from her theme (the main horns melody line, the harpsichord melody line, the mid-section cello and piano melody line, etc…), and those remain in our unconscious. So, it’s no surprise that when she becomes the “Mother Beast” later on, when the player hears hints of those signature melody lines becoming distorted in the madness of the new battle theme, it invokes a particular emotion that fits elegantly with the subject matter of the plot right then. In short, it’s musical storytelling done right. In SWSH, we don’t have that extra omph of emotionally-nostalgic motifs; instead, we just get songs that play in the background of this video game, and that’s really it. If you don’t like the song, good news - you’ll probably only hear it once or twice, depending on who the NPC is. If you do, then you’re out of luck for the very same reasons. This game lacks a very basic hint of soul to its soundtrack, which is really such a jarring idea especially when you realize that they paired up with a composer who arguably has mastered the idea of musical motifs (Fox).

This really isn’t just SWSH’s problem, either. I also went through a similar heartbreak in S&M during the final stretch of the main game; after battling Lusamine and saving the region from the threat of Ultra Beasts (more or less, anyway), we the player go to challenge the champion, who is revealed to be Profession Kukui since there really is no true champion for the newly-made league. It’s hard to go from an exciting, powerful battle theme like Lusamine’s to some generic, cardboard-cut-out version of a champion battle theme for Kukui. It’s hard to invoke any sort of emotional appeal when there’s no real inspiration to be felt in the music; with no emotional connection, there is no emotion. It’s, once again, just music that plays in the background of a video game. A similar experience happens in SWSH with the player’s match against Champion Leon; though we have the potential to gain an emotional connection to a Leon Theme motif, we don’t get that. Instead, we just get music that is programmed to be exciting for our championship match that will undoubtedly change our lives forever. Bland, boring, anti-climatic - all for the sake of coloring in the lines. This has been an on-going problem in Pokemon games for years in which the Championship Battle Theme is less interesting than the Evil Team Battle Theme, which probably isn’t a good idea. It’s annoying when your villain has a better theme than the literal strongest trainer in the region - it ruins the chances of likability for the region’s “good guys” and overall is anti-climatic when it is finally time to become champion.

Overall, the ability to immerse someone like me in a game is very important when it comes to retaining players. While SWSH isn’t the worst Pokemon game when it comes to immersion (considering the fact that I actually beat the main game, which I can’t say for other main Pokemon titles…), Game Freak certainly could stand to learn from the game’s shortcomings.

Creature and Character Design...

The monster design is arguably one of the most controversial topics when it comes to any Pokemon game. Some people only care about the designs of Gen 1, others accept everything but Gen 5, and a select few could rant for hours on the stupidity of literally every Pokemon design in the franchise. Regardless, the design of the Pokemon native to the Galar region is an important topic of discussion when analysing the potential for enjoyment of the game. After all, I’m an artist who loves drawing all my favorite characters as well as my favorite Pokemon, so understanding the designs of these beloved figures is vital to understanding the game in general. For sanity’s sake, I’ll only be discussing new Pokemon introduced in this region, and will be ignoring all previous pokemon that aren’t regional variants.

Overall, the designs of the latest Pokemon are satisfactory. Because of my tendency to always suspend belief in fantasy works, I’ve very rarely had much to hate about Pokemon designs (not even in Gen 5, though I don’t particularly like any of them aside from the game cover legendaries). SWSH didn’t really bring much to the table when it comes to brand-new Pokemon, but the ones introduced are fitting and interesting: the Dragapult line, all three starters (even if I did laugh for literal hours at the discovery of Cinderace’s typing), Wooloo and Dubwool, Yamper and Boltund - just to name my top favorites. And I was totally invested in the designs of the game cover legendaries, Zamazenta and Zacian, since they held cultural relations with the region’s inspiration and therefore had actual meaning within the game besides just being cool mythical creatures. Nothing really outright bothered me with the designs or pokemon choices in this game; as I mentioned earlier, I was okay with the idea of no National Dex for this region, and that all the pokemon allowed in this game matched with the region well-enough.

But, of course, it’s not without faults. I found there to be a substantial lack of original legendaries in this game - we only have three real legendaries to catch in the main-game, four if you consider the DLC. We had a similar problem in Pokemon: Sun and Moon, but it was later amended with the introduction of Ultra Beasts (which can technically be regarded as legendary Pokemon, albeit from another dimension and not technically Pokemon). In SWSH, we are only given the option of catching more than two legendaries if we buy the DLC - this is remarkably disappointing for those who are interested in seeing new, unique Pokemon designs. I know many fans are constantly frustrated with Game Freak’s tendency to overuse Gen 1 Pokemon, but the fact that nobody is bothered by the running trend of being able to easily catch a bunch of previous games’ legendaries is beyond me. It’s essentially the same thing, overly relying on the fanbase’s sentimental nostalgia rather than moving forward to create new creature designs. I know for a fact that so many people would have been excited to catch Pokemon with cultural significance (maybe like elf Pokemon that resemble that of Seelie/Unseelie fairies, or more Pokemon that resemble chess pieces, or maybe more Pokemon that follow a theme of medieval artifacts - there are many possibilities), so the fact that they skimped out in favor of making people pay for nostalgia is ridiculous to me. This was a majority of the reason why I rejected buy any of the DLC content - why would I pay for Pokemon I’ve technically caught before? I mean, I guess it can be more for the kids who have never encountered the older legendaries, but then again, wouldn’t it be more beneficial for your game to have Pokemon that actually represent the new region? Instead of just stealing other games’ legendaries for the sake of saying that you have them, they could have just worked a little harder to design maybe three or six more cool legendary designs and centered those guys around the two DLC locations instead of just having Calyrex for The Crown Tundra. At the end of the day, it’s really just a cash-grab; the only reason I could ever see myself understandably buying the DLC for SWSH would be because I wanted to interact more with my favorite NPCs, but then again, I can just look at screenshots on Twitter and feel just as satisfied.

But not all is lost in terms of designs. Now let’s get into my favorite design portion of this segment and discuss the NPCs.

First, we’ll dig into the rivals. Personally, I really enjoyed the rivals of this game; while Pokemon is definitely running on a formula, I still was able to find enough about the three rival characters to genuinely enjoy their presence whenever they came on screen. I suppose we can expect to keep seeing this new Pokemon Trainer Rival Formula: Kind of Annoying but Too Sweet to Hate BFF Rival (Hop), 2 Edgy 5 U Rival (Bede), and Some Pedo’s Waifu Material Rival (Marnie).

Hop is arguably one of my favorite Pokemon rivals of all time (right up there with Gladion from S&M). He’s one of the only Pokemon characters to get a realistic character development over the course of the game’s playable story, which really humanizes him and makes up for his occasionally annoying personality. Over the course of the game, Hop goes from silently residing in his brother’s shadow to learning to stand on his own without needed any outside validation; much to my surprise, it’s not some half-hearted transition. Hop doubts himself during the challenge, as evidenced not just by his dialogue but in the way he actively changes his team to try and be more competitive like everybody else. I remember feeling so heartbroken in realization that Hop stopped using his beloved Wooloo, which is rightfully paired up with the excitable boy. The idea that Hop uses Wooloo, a normal-type cute Pokemon that generally wouldn’t be used in a competitive team, really adds more dimension to his character; when he learns to enjoy himself instead of letting his doubts overtake him, he returns to using Dubwool and his favorite team, demonstrating how he would prefer to have fun as himself than be someone he isn’t. I found that to be a really wholesome theme to his character, one that we haven’t really seen in a Pokemon game yet - it was a pleasant surprise! Hop is sweet and kind, always wanting to motivate the player even when he’s in his own internal turmoil. With all that added with his adorable babyface and goofy/awkward preteen disposition, he really makes for a likeable rival character.

The next rival to be introduced is none other than our classic Mean Boy rival, Bede. He’s a character the fanbase is a bit more accustomed to due to previous titles’ rivals (i.e. Green/Blue/Gary Oak from in R&G/B, Silver from SGC, technically also Gladion from S&M…), so are quite a few expectations placed on his character as a result. Also true to the typical Pokemon Jerk Rival, he has a complicated homelife (he comes from an orphanage, as we later learn) and has a similarly complicated parent-child relationship to the leading antagonist of the game (in this case, Chairman Rose). Bede constantly assumes himself to be better than he is and isn’t afraid to be a total prick about it, choosing to bully Hop upon winning battles against him to boost his own inflated ego (though there’s hints pointing to Bede actually having rather low self-esteem). All things considered, I liked Bede as a character about as much as one can like a mean rival archetype, but I was more than pleased to discover his transition to a more likably mean-spirited character when he later returns to the game to challenge the player after being disqualified from the challenge. While we’ve had a likeable mean rival before (namely Gladion), Bede is something of his own entity with how he actually has an attempt at character development that leads him to a mini-redemption near the end of the game. He’s really the first mean rival to have a transition from total jerk to slightly-peeved tsundere, which was probably a good idea on Game Freak’s part so that we wouldn’t be left with a character we downright hated after the way Bede quite literally destroys Hop’s confidence. It’s nowhere near as impressive as Hop’s character development (which isn’t super impressive to begin with, but let’s ignore that fact for a bit), but it’s still interesting to see in a monster-catching game about being the best you can be.

And then, of course, we get to the cute-girl rival, Marnie, also known as the place where I get a bit mad again. I’d like to say that I absolutely love Marnie; she has an adorable design and interesting personality that captures my attention whenever she has screen time. But she serves one purpose in this game, and one purpose alone - being the main cute girl rival of the game. Marnie has the potential to be a similarly interesting rival (cute design that meshes “punk” with “cute”, has a wholesome and fun dynamic with her gym leader older brother, uses a Pokemon that isn’t considered to be a “competitive” choice as her ace, has a cool/cute personality…), and yet we probably only talk to her about five times over the course of the main game. Little is done with her character - in fact, the only real thing she does in the game other than becoming the next dark-type gym leader is that she helps the player sneak into Spikemuth after the gates have been shut by the remarkably-harmless Team Yell. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I would have loved to have seen more done with her character. With the boy rivals being more fleshed out than her, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth because the female rival is the one left with a blank personality (and I’m not just saying that because she hardly smiles - that’s really one of the only things we get about her that gives her an actual personality). My frustrations are further exacerbated because this has always been an issue in Pokemon games, in which the girl rivals are so barebones for seemingly the only purpose of serving as some neckbeard’s waifu that they can input a personality they desire despite the fact that she’s canonically a minor. Why put in the time to give dimension to Hop and Bede, but not Marnie? And we know for a fact that Game Freak has to recognize the lack of personality given to Marnie, especially since they had previously come out with Lillie’s wonderfully sweet character arch in S&M and USUM. Personally, I feel that it was because they didn’t feel like having a more punkish girl character who also had traditionally feminine-coded interests (she’s known to have been distracted during the gym challenge by the boutiques) and ultimately decided to just not give her any further personality other than that, perhaps fearing that it would dissuade the gross creeper fanbase from latching onto her. But that’s really just speculation, so don’t take any of my nonsense too seriously. Really, I’d just rather we had a girl rival with more personality to match the other two rivals so it wasn’t so annoyingly unbalanced.

Moving on from the rivals, we get into the designs of the League Staff of the game. In most other Pokemon games, I’d never really been too interested in the gym leaders; they had always been more of minor bosses, just faces that you saw for a couple of seconds before pummeling their ‘mons and moving to the next city. But in this game in particular, there was a sudden transition from simple puzzle master to a full-on celebrity figure. I really enjoyed this! It was so nice to actually have some information on the gym leaders other than what type they sported; suddenly, they have personalities and interests - they become real to the player. Not to mention that there really is a gym leader for everyone to enjoy, thanks to their unique personalities and styles.

I’ll be a bit honest and say that some of their clothing designs are remarkably stupid for even an anime-based RPG game (I mean, I know we joke about Leon’s terrible sense of fashion in the fanbase, but can we just pause and ponder what Piers’ wears? I mean, a leather jacket with spandex? Metal boots and a work-out tank??? What is he wearing?!), but it isn’t exactly distracting. In Western cultures in particular, we can see a trend towards the glamourization of the “athleisure” style, or athletic wear designed more for everyday use rather than just working out. It was kind of fitting to see this be the primary style for the gym leaders, who can basically be described as hierarchical sports stars. Weird? Sure. But in the context of the world, it all fits together, and once again adds to the immersion aspect of the game.

Looking at our main antagonists, they are designed quite well. Chairman Rose is designed to be quite easy and fun to hate (at least for me) - he’s an important-looking businessman who’s very impressed with himself, paired up with a beautiful yet terrifying subordinate woman who does most all the hardwork for him (...actually, they kind of remind me of an antagonistic Cl. Mustang and Lt. Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist…). They also had noteworthy battle themes that popped a bit more than other battle themes in the game.

While they hardly count as antagonists, I’d like to also make a brief mention of Team Yell. They’re more annoying than anything, which is a trend that I’m not too sure how I feel about yet. It was definitely more likable coming from Team Skull, that’s for sure. I would have liked Team Yell doing a bit more damage, having them be a bit more unruly and controversial before evening them out with the whole emotional appeal of them cheering on for Marnie in hopes of saving their ruined town. But they weren’t too terrible in my opinion.

I could talk for hours on the champion of the region, too, Champion Leon. He’s a really fun and charming character overall, less of the supremely wise and powerful champion that we’ve seen in older gens and instead being a more quirky but worthwhile opponent on the path towards the crown. But I definitely preferred him more as a character than as a champion; even though his team changes depending on your starter, it’s not too challenging of a fight if you know what you’re doing, especially when you immediately know what his ace pokemon is (something we don’t really learn in other gens about the champions). While I’m sure the idea of a powerful but transparent champion can be done, Leon doesn’t really stand up as a powerful trainer when compared to other champions in the franchise. But he’s definitely still a fun, interesting character concept that I am grateful for in this particular game.

When it comes to the designs of the primary NPCs and Pokemon, SWSH continues to talk that line just above mediocrity. Not too bad, not all that great, but definitely not something to be forgotten. I’d reason that the primary strength of this generation lies within the characters that are introduced.

Uniqueness vs. Status as a Pokemon Game...

In regards to the uniqueness - how well this game stands on its own as an individual concept rather than just another Pokemon game - I’m a bit divided. On one hand, I’m a bit saddened by the watering down of content and constant reliance on concepts from older games. But I can also see that SWSH introduced a lot of interesting ideas that have inspired so many fans for this generation. And while yes, this gen didn’t have much to offer in terms of new Pokemon, new scenarios, or new lore, I do think that it does hold its own when compared to the other games in the main series. New characters are introduced to the player, all of which having good (and bad) traits that allow for lots of fan-created content with their essence; a new look into a brand-new battle enhancer that requires a different strategy than those of previous battle enhancers; a new culture found within the Galar region that can inspire many more thoughts and theories on the Pokemon world as a whole in a number of ways. We cannot pretend that SWSH isn’t an influential game just because it wasn’t ground-breaking; even with my extreme distaste for the Black and White games, I still admit that they led to important decisions and ideas that led to the creation of games I did enjoy. So, as its own entity, I think that Pokemon: Sword and Shield really has a lot of offer and would probably be an amazing game for a younger player who’s just getting into the Pokemon universe.

But I think that a lot of us long-time fans can agree that this game doesn’t quite match up with the others in terms of giving those real “Pokemon game” feelings. The problem with big-titles like this is that the company tends to lose sight of what really makes a franchise so influential isn’t the stuff found at face-value. It’s not the creatures or NPCs or game mechanics or design or any of that garbage - it’s the feelings we get when all of those things reach that perfect harmony. It’s the rumble in my chest whenever I listen to that famous intro-sequence of my old Pokemon: Ruby game; it’s the fire in my eyes when I went back to challenge Pokemon Trainer Red for the tenth time that night back in my old Pokemon: Heart Gold game; it’s the tears I cried when I watched the only interesting character, N, leave my playable character after his emotional spiel following the defeat of Ghetsis in my long-since abandoned copy of Pokemon: White. At the end of the day, Pokemon is more of an emotion I get rather than a game I play, and I think this is an idea that few people can recognize for themselves. And while I’m aware that I literally just spent several thousand words bagging and praising this game for all those face-value aspects, I also know that when you add that extra little bit of care to your work, go a little further with a character you know someone will adore, or try something new with that new battle theme, there comes a sensation that goes beyond that of love for a silly fantasy game. I’d like to think it’s something akin to inspiration.

Conclusion...

In conclusion, Pokemon: Sword and Shield is far from perfect. With a number of faults and disappointments, I can understand why a lot of fans were less than interested in giving this game the time of day. But I also want to say that this game deserves to be understood and appreciate for what it is, for what it’s done. Who knows what sort of new ideas this game has inspired? Whether it be in the name Pokemon game or someone else’s passion project, I am confident in the potential that this game has to bring someone’s dreams to fruition. It already has inspired so much amazing fan-content from the community; after so many years of being away from the fandom, SWSH was the game that drove me right back, giving me the drive to once again indulge in my middle-school days of sketching out my latest comfort character or writing out a million headcanons in a way-too plot-heavy story. Many fan-creators in this community feel the same as me, I’m sure, so it would be untrue of me to say that this game was anything less than what it was: a fun, simple game that prides itself in its characters and potential rather than complex combat mechanics or some corkboard-plot nightmare. It’s a game meant to be enjoyed, so we must remember to find our enjoyment wherever it can be found. For me, Pokemon can’t really do much wrong, but also is held up to a level of expectations that I can’t quite understand even for myself. This, at the end of the day, is a video game from my all-time favorite franchise; so long as I can find enjoyment there in it, then it’s worth it. In a world filled with nihilism and cynicism, it’s nice to visit a land where you’re wise to try and be the very best like no-one ever was, to be the next best Pokemon Master.

[thestuckylibrary]

Group Ask 164

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Please send us an ask stating which group ask and which person you are replying to. Thank you so much in advance!

Anon 1 said:

I cant find the fic where it’s post wwII and buckys an amputate who works at his family’s body shop and Steve brings his bike in. I think it was 3 small parts. Bucky has a nephew who he takes to a baseball game and sees Steve again. Where they later fall in love

kittybrownjs and allegra-dreams sent in A Home Game by 743ish (complete | 3,071 | T)

Anon 2 said:

the one where bucky buys a wine vineyard and steve helps him renovate the house

dolphinqueen10 sent in The Ghosts Of Who I Used To Be by Brenda (complete | 107,289 | M)

teenagewarheads said:

a friend is looking for a fic and i failed to find it. this was the description they gave me, "bucky tries to take off his metal arm with his bare hand and Steve finds him and has to hold bucky’s arms under his legs and there’s blood everywhere in the bathroom. It’s set in avengers tower. I think Steve cooks bland food/old recipes bc bucky can’t handle spice in other scenes." any help you can provide is appreciated!!

the-pasta-dragon said:

Hi all! I’m looking for a fic and I can’t remember the name. Steve casts a spell, it either goes wrong or he was testing an unknown one or something, and gets transformed into a dog. Bucky finds him and takes him home. I think they’re on opposite sides of some kind of magic war? I’ve been looking everywhere but I can’t seem to find it. Did it get taken down?

dolphinqueen10 sent in Fill Your Heart Without Trying* by Kellyscams (complete | 38,580 | E) */others

captainlvrson said:

hi! i'm looking for a fic where steve and bucky are both elementary school teachers. steve's an art teacher and bucky's the new 4th grade teacher. it also has all the other avengers in it as teachers, except thor who is a parent. and it wasn't just about steve and bucky it had chapters about the other avengers. thank you so much for the help!

eedaluisonyeo sent in  180 Days and Counting by SaraNoH, the_wordbutler (complete | 282,980 | T)

Anon 3 said:

I'm looking for a story that I believe is set post-Winter Soldier. I don't remember much about it except that it was from Bucky's POV, his brain injuries resulted in him struggling with language/emotions, he had a label-maker, and at one point it involves the phrase 'yucky mucky Bucky'. (It's such a unique combination that I used it in various searches and came up with nothing.) Thanks so much for all the work you do!

Anon 4 said:

Hello! I am searching for a fix where it's post civil war (I think) and anyway, bucky basically wants nothing to do with Steve so Steve goes off and tries to raid as many hydra bases as possible and he ends up getting sleeve tattoos and tattooes of wing son his back for Sam? And eventually he ends up living in Scotland for years until Wanda comes to stay with him because she is pregnant with twins. Thank you so much!

dolphinqueen10 and Anon sent in One Cloud Feels Lonely by thecommodore_squid (orphan_account) (complete | 72442 | M)

Anon 5 said:

hey! im so sorry ive looked all over and i can't find this fic and im desperate for it cause its so good. its an a/b/o fic where bucky had broken out of hydra control on his own and joined SHIELD. he got put on steves team and steves alpha ass spent like half the fic worrying if bucky had someone to brush his hair while bucky was like super confused about how much he wanted steve to braid his hair.

fancyhwrites and Anon sent in Scents and Sensibility: The Working Assassin’s Guide to Supersoldier Seduction by galwednesday, silentwalrus, skellerbvvt (complete | 93,217 | E)

Anon 6 said:

Hello I’m looking for a modern au fic where they are friends w/ benefits and they have hooked up once before becoming fwb. Steve was a bit promiscuous and doesn’t remember when they hooked up until before they try for a romantic relationship bc Bucky likes sex with emotions? I really don’t remember the title. Tysm :)

bennettmp339 sent in Steve Rogers. Cheerfully Slutty. by relenafanel (complete | 20,201 | E)

deimoslunaa said:

Hey I’m having trouble finding a fic: it was about how Steve and bucky went on a mission and they were pretending to be lovers I think and ended up being together for real, only once the mission was over Shield erased their memories. And the only proof they had of that mission was a sketch of bucky Steve finds during that period. Sams in there and so is Sharon. I think they chose to have their memories erased if I remember correctly. I think the fic was posted 2014-2015. Any help would rock

mashishi-shi said: (/others)

Hey do you know a fic, where pre-serum Steve explores his sexuality and goes to gay bars and sleeps with some guys. And then Bucky finds out and goes with him to the bars and fucks him later. Then when the go to war Howard fucks around with Steve cause steve thinks that Bucky doesn’t want him anymore because of the serum.

Anon 7 said: 

Hi there! I’m trying to find a fic I read a while ago. It was skinny!steve and I think he was shy? But then Bucky follows him somewhere one night and Steve is in Rocky Horror Picture Show? It’s a smut. That’s really all I can remember haha, sorry if it’s vague! I hope you or your followers may know what I’m talking about but if not that’s totally fine! Thank you for your time!

Anon 8 said:

So I've been trying to find a fic, I *think* Shrunkyclunks (Bucky's still a veteran though) and at some point Bucky gets kidnapped and the bad guys are live streaming the ransom video and Bucky's a BAMF throughout and Steve et al. roll up to save him. Any thoughts? I've been looking but can't find it in my bookmarks or when trying to do a more refined search on AO3. Thanks for all your great work and happy holidays!

kittybrownjs sent in Dishonor On Your Cow by mandarou (complete | 111,695 | E)

Anon 9 said:

Heyy!! THANK YOU SO MUCH for the work you do, it's amazing! Could you find a fanfic for me? I read it a while ago and it was in a dom/sub universe and Bucky was a sub and worked at some kind of fancy establishment and Steve was a Dom but different and he came in there with his friends and hooked up with Bucky?

Anon 10 said:

Hello:) I’ve been looking for this fic where in Bucky is an assassin and Steve runs into him at some library in a different country, and Steve’s been tracking down the winter soldier, and Bucky and Steve start dating be neither of them know, and when they find out the have sex.

dolphinqueen10 and Anon sent in The Right Partner* by LeeHan (complete | 41,659 | E) *graphic violence

[alexiskddt808]

From Around the Web: 20 Fabulous Infographics About Gta Online Name Generator

He will do the like the others however prices much less money. To unlock Packie as a break-in crew member, you have to finish his random occasion where he is robbing a store near Franklin's house and needs a getaway motorist. This random event takes place at the Buck Tablets Drug Store in Strawberry. BothRed Dead Online andGTA Online have plenty to commemorate throughout the Xmas period. The former just released as a standalone game, with sufficient material to satisfy in the meantime.

With the current Cayo Perico break-in upgrade, it even has more of a focus on the single-player experience. The cash should automatically open after thirty minutes of play once this is done yet, if you're a brand-new player in either game, you need to make certain you've completed the tutorial prior to the free cash money will certainly be provided. The very first time you authorize right into GTA Online today, you'll protect yourself GTA$ 750k. Each extra day you log in between currently and also November 26, you'll gain GTA$ 100k.

Possibly this is a technological problem, possibly they just desire individuals to experience the very first parts of GTA Online without having a million to spend instantly.

The perfect way to attract back expired gamers ready for the game's release on PS5.

The most effective GTA updates been available in the type of free money, and also there's a large portion of change ready and awaiting anyone who plays GTA Online on PS4.

All they need to do is log in at any kind of factor this month as well as they will obtain GTA$ 1 million deposited into their in-game account.

In the grand scheme of points in the present state of that game's economy, a million won't obtain you all that far, yet in case you were wondering where that money is, this is the deal with that.

This problem doesn't directly give you any type of money yet it aids you to fast-track your heists so that you can earn money quicker in the gameplay. Glitches in GTA Online are a wonderful means to take advantage of your gameplay.

The free money you build up will be delivered to your Maze checking account by December 3. There have been a lot of games to do well in regards to sales, and then there are video games that re-define the video gaming market in its entirety. Its open-world sandbox has actually assisted it go on to attain so much commercial success. Actually, it was recently called the best-selling game of the years. This timing is terrible, as Superstar Games assured gamers $500,000 in-game just for visiting during April. " Actually the only things I have left are my garments, money, rank, as well as a base sector workshop with none of my upgrades," one gamer claims on Twitter.

Gta V Online Money Glitch: Unlimited Cash Money Offered To Those.

It appears that Rockstar Games is not done giving out free money inGTA Online, however, as the programmer has actually recently announced that there is one more GTA$ 500,000 up for grabs, and also without a doubt it is exceptionally simple to claim. Out there you'll discover countless web https://greghumblo.livejournal.com/680.html sites and also Videos over the Youtube that are asserting the free GTA 5 Money online through the 'Grand Burglary Automobile 5 hack & generator' yet ended up by using you to download and install the data or some type of method which cyberpunk could play all the time. However right here we're offering you the accessibility of all those methods so-called GTA 5 Cheats & Guide for Xbox One, Xbox 360, PS3, PS4, and PC. Another essential idea for newbies is to knock senseless your daily goals whenever feasible. They're fairly basic to achieve and compensate a good piece of adjustment each day ($ 25K when you complete all three), yet a lot more significantly, there are cumulative awards for constantly knocking them out over much longer durations of time. Complete every day-to-day purpose for a week as well as you'll net a wonderful $100K; consume a month's worth and also a huge $500K will certainly pad out your bank account. A great deal of the dailies can be knocked senseless throughout various other tasks, so they stand for a convenient and lucrative method to rack up some fast cash money while functioning towards your next huge acquisition.

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Grand Theft Car Online gamers that are logging in for money as well as loot are locating themselves with absolutely nothing to their online names. While there's nothing incorrect with some gamers mistakenly receiving more money than was planned the records of players not obtaining the bonus offer whatsoever is a lot more frustrating. Other individuals likewise reported having actually gotten the message upon visiting greater than when, yet not obtaining any extra money. Grand Burglary AutoOnline is familiar with pests as well as glitches, yet the good news is most of them have actually often tended to be less major than the two-headed skeletal systems which showed up inGTA Online's equivalent, Red Dead Online. This most recent problem, nevertheless, is far more lucrative, at the very least for some gamers. GTA Online has actually been giving out free money simply for finalizing in, yet instead of it just occurring as soon as some players are obtaining numerous bonus offers. All the latest gaming information, game evaluations and also trailers The best source for comics as well as superhero film fans.

Relocate Your Company Online.

There's a spectacular selection of stuff to do in modern GTA Online so you would certainly be forgiven by having no concept where to start-- as well as what to focus on to draw out one of the most pay early. One of the very best tips for newbies is to stay in touch with what's taking place in-game with the Superstar Social Club or the convenient promo dash screens that appear while the games lots. They'll let you understand what's new to the game and, much more notably, what activities or occasions Superstar is prioritising, including which of them will certainly compensate double Online reputation and cash. However large break-ins like that aren't much excellent when you're just beginning in GTA Online, since you'll require some sources to take them on. The exact same goes for several of the other systems, which can call for a first investment of GTA$ 1.2 million prior to you can really start.

If you're really feeling stuck with your development inGTA, then it may be a great time to attempt a few of these glitches bent on give your pc gaming job that additional push. Last month, any type of gamer that logged intoGrand Burglary AutoOnlinehad a free GTA$ 500,000 deposited straight into their Puzzle Checking account.

For a game that is currently more than 7 years old, Rockstar remains to strive on GTA 5, patching and also taking care of troubles extremely quickly. Although it was a lot of fun for players who have the vehicle and also found out the glitch, it was a problem for gamers that encountered one and really did not have their own. GTA 5 will certainly make the jump to next-gen when the new consoles are launched following month. That will certainly suggest the game, which has actually currently gone on to come to be the third finest selling game of perpetuity, will have extended three generations of console. The rollout of online elements shows no indication of slowing down either, with Rockstar adding a lot of brand-new solutions and also spots today. The Center Break-in Glitch helps you to fool the GTA system into believing that you are purchasing both the preparations as well as the setups of a heist, despite the fact that you are just spending for the preparations.

[janadunford13]

Nutley High College Sports Schedule Oct 19 To Oct 25, 2020

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[historical-sim-homes-blog]

Postmedieval English: Southern Tradition (1600-1700)

This second build in the Colonial era is very similar to that of the previous Postmedieval English home, but this time we are building a house in the Southern Tradition.The Southern Tradition, differs mostly in having a single story (and attic) and two chimneys at the ends instead of one large central chimney. 

Since building the Northern Tradition house in the last post, I’ve bought the Pets expansion. However, all but two of the items I used for this build are from the base game. 

Reference Examples

Thoroughgood House (c. 1636-1640)

Form

Linear plan

Two rooms wide

One story

One attic with dormers

This time I didn’t use a square structural unit as I needed more vertical space for the dormers. Thus, the structural unit was a grid of size 10 x 6. You can’t really see it in the video, but I also moved up the first floor a bit to include a brick foundation.

For houses in the southern style, the exterior wall can be wood panels as in the northern style or brick. I went with brick to just do something different.

The second floor is really an attic, but I still wanted to have enough space as it will hold two bedrooms

I began adding the dormer sections, following Jenba Sim’s tutorial.

The dormer sections were not particularly big, only two squares wide and one square deep.

Roof

Side gabled

Steep

Little to no overhang

Wooden shingles

No cornice

Two large end chimneys

Dormer windows

Still following Jenba Sim’s tutorial, I added a side gable roof along the full middle section of the second floor.

Then, I used a half gable one side, adjusting its and the middle section’s steepness until the half gable seamlessly blended into the middle section. Once that was done, I copied the half gable roof to the opposite side and added the dormer gables.

Details

Brick (The Brickery with Corner Accent)

White vertical pane (Pinestripe Graines)

Brick

Exterior: Batten (Good Ol’ Barn Door)

Interior: Batten  (Mega Budget without windows)

Diamond shaped panes

Small casements on attic floor

Larger casements on first floor

For the exterior, I used the Good Ol’ Barn Door from Pets as it has vertical panes and a very unadorned, functional look. In the interior, I used plasticbox’s mesh of the Mega Budget doors without the windows. 

I used the As Time Goes By windows (as in the northern style build) for the attic windows. However, for the first floor I decided to go with the slightly larger, more vertical casements of Windwoahh, but still sticking with the diamond panes. 

I used a white wooden paneling for the dormers as in the reference pictures. I’m not sure if these would always have been wood or if it’s a restoration.  

Stairs leading up to the exterior doors were also included.

The chimneys were slightly more involved than last time. I wanted to create the diagonal form of the reference pictures, but I didn’t like the results using the roofing. I might come back to this after I’ve included a brick texture as a roof material, but for now I left it as is. The bottom most portion of the chimney is a 4 x 1 room while the second level portion is 2 x 1. Finally, using the bb.moveobjects cheat code, I placed two chimney stacks on top of each other to get the desired height. The same was done on the other end of the house.

Interior Floor Plan

I was very lucky to find a floor plan for Thoroughgood House at the Library of Congress website. This is such a good resource for pictures, surveys, and plans of old houses. 

It looks about as expected, with a hall and parlor design on the first floor and bed chambers in the attic. But it’s always nice to have a reference!

The interior isn’t too different from the northern style besides the fireplaces at the ends, so I’ll just quote myself from last post.

English Colonial homes typically had only two rooms on the first floor: a hall and a parlor. The hall was the more informal of the two, providing space for cooking, eating, and other common tasks like sewing and crafting. Cooking was done over the open flames of the fireplace. The parlor was much more formal: it functioned primarily as a reception room for guests and contained the most expensive and lavish furniture in the house. Here, as in the rooms above, the fireplace served exclusively as a heating source. I don’t think the fireplaces themselves are a good choice for this time period, but in this first run of builds I’m not too concerned with the interior design. (My hope is to come back to it once I feel more comfortable creating my own CC furniture.)

Along with a floor plan, I was able to find a picture of the staircase in the Thoroughgood House. I was slightly relieved to see that it wasn’t a three run staircase, although I finally figured out how to make those!

Final

Once again, I included a small outhouse in the back.

My two major concerns with the build are the roof steepness and the chimney shapes. 

The former was a product of making sure that the various roof pieces merged seamlessly. Playing around with it might help bring the steepness down while ensuring that the attic walls don’t clip through the roof.

The latter I tried fixing using half gabled roofs but the result was not great as I did not have any brick textures for the roof material. Creating a brick roof texture might be the easiest solution. Otherwise, I might want to start looking to creating some custom chimney pieces that can seamlessly flow into the top chimney piece.

Build Details

Expansions and Packs

Windwoahh

Good Ol’ Barn Door

Custom Content

Mega (Budget) Doors by plasticbox

References

A Field Guide to American Homes (Revised) by Virginia Savage McAlaster

Adam Thoroughgood House Floor Plans from Library of Congress

Adam Thoroughgood House Staircase by Frances Benjamin Johnston (LIbrary of Congress) 

[yeahyeahbaby]

Finished my first game and game jam!

Link to my game Ahh, Crabs! I realized that I haven’t posted in a while, so I thought I would write about finishing my first game and game jam, and what my next plans are.  Get ready for a fucking novel lol. 

I entered the I Can't Draw But Want To Make A Game (Again)  game jam because I wanted to make a game. Before starting the jam, I’d thought about game development and 3D modeling on and off for about a year, but hadn’t started any projects. Last summer, I’d watched BlenderGuru’s series and made a render of a doughnut which was cool and did a few tutorials on the Unity learn site, but I didn’t do anything with those newly developed skills and eventually forgot most of what I’d learned.  I’m currently 24, going to be 25 in August, and I think a lot about how I spend my time, am I on the right path, what do I want out of life, etc. All of the big existential anxiety inducing questions. I work as a front-end web developer, its a great job, but I know that I don’t want to do web development forever.  Anyway, I’d recently started thinking about game development, and wanted to try committing myself again. Game development presents the opportunity for me to create something that combines all of my interests. Art, music, technology, story telling, world building, animation, etc. It’s also appealing to me because being an indie developer means being an entrepreneur. I know that I want a life where I’m my own boss. I want to decide what projects I work on and what takes priority. I want to build a creative life where I can support myself financially from my work.  I thought about how this time could be different from a year ago where I tried to get into game development, but never committed. I started off slow by creating small assets with MagicaVoxel while I tried to come up with ideas. This is when I remembered that game jams were a thing.  I found the game jam (not going to keep typing the name cuz its long as hell lol) on itch.io and was hesitant to enter. I was afraid of starting and committing to something only to let myself down when I didn’t finish.  I’d recently started journaling and was writing about this fear that I had. I realized as I was writing that I was stopping myself from trying something because of fear. That’s when I decided to commit to entering.  The great thing about game jams is that they take place over a set period of time and you’re usually given some kind of parameters. This was EXTREMELY helpful to me because I was able to quickly come up with an idea for the game. I knew that I only had two weeks to finish. Not two full weeks because of course I work full time and have other home chores to do. Plus ya girl likes to relax and watch anime ( I think at the time I was actually reading Hana Yori Dango aka Boys Over Flowers uwu).  So being given a set time period helped me to plan a semi-realistic scope for the game.  So I started to work on the game! I had a lot of fun making silly art and music. Because the mechanics of my game were also SUPER simple, I could easily find tutorials for everything that I wanted to implement. Even with the tutorials, I still had small hiccups as I worked my way around Unity and C#, but I was never stuck for more than a few hours.  Things were going great! And then.... I stopped working on the game.  I think I didn’t work on the game for like 4-5 days?? I got off track because of some personal stuff that I had to deal with. Once it was handled, I didn’t immediately get back to work. I wasn’t really motivated anymore and I was running out of time. I felt like I had wasted time already, I wasn’t going to make the deadline so why FUCKING TRY *sobs*.  BUT! Once again, journaling saved the day again lol.  I was writing about these feelings and saw how stupid I sounded. Why TF am I giving up before the jam ends???? BITCH!!!  So I got back to work.  I think at this point I had like 3-4 days left?? Something like that. I worked my butt off , literally until the deadline. I was rushing like crazy, super determined to finish. I was keeping up with a Trello board of things I wanted to add to the game, but a lot of things had to get cut. For example, the help button, a pause game function, cleaning up the mechanics, also wanted to add some pre-game comics, etc. BUT thankfully I was able to prioritize the absolute must haves to make the game playable and shippable lol.  So, the deadline was 12am CST Friday. 11:59pm CST rolled around. And I’m still waiting for my build so I can upload it. 12am came and it was too late. I didn’t make it. I was literally sobbing. I don’t remember the last time I cried so much. I was just feeling super emotional. I had a long day at work, just spent the last 8 hours crunching to finish my game to submit to the game jam, and even though it was finished, in the moment I felt like a failure because I couldn’t submit it to the jam. I know it may sound silly, like BITCH you did the thing! You made a game! You reached your goal! Buuuut I was still feeling like shit lol.  The build finished and I uploaded it it itch.io. I was sniffling around the discussion board on the jam’s page, feeling sorry for myself, and decided to post a link to my game and let everyone know that Hey! I finished this game but couldn’t submit it in time. pls check it out *sobs* WELL! Many blessings came my way, the creator of the jam was sending unique submission links to people who missed the deadline a little! They saw my post and sent me a submission link. Of course I submitted that hoe so fucking quick lmaooo  A wave of relief washed over my exhausted shriveled body. It was time for celebration and sleep because a bitch had to go to work the next day.  I’m so thankful for this experience. I saw something that I wanted to do, I committed, almost QUIT, BUT PUSHED THROUGH AND REACHED MY GOAL!  I feel so much confidence in myself and my ability to pursue and finish my creative projects, whatever they may be.  SO WHAT’S NEXT BITCH???? Well, thank you for asking uwu I’m going to make another game! This time, not part of a jam so I have to keep myself super accountable. I want to make a game where I can learn and experiment with dialogue, camera movement, art, and sound design. I think I’ve settled on an idea but need to give it some more thought before I commit and reveal the idea.  I’m hoping for about 30-45 minutes of game play?? And I want to work on this project for 6 months, so pretty much the rest of 2020. Might as well keep myself busy while the world burns :/ If anyone is reading this and made it this far, wow, i’m impressed. I wouldn’t have read this much lol I think I’m going to make a youtube video on this topic?? I mean, if I can write a novel about it might as well talk about it on youtube. It can be my first dev-log-ish type video for the yeahyeahbaby channel (that has yet to be created lol) Okay. Bye-bye now. 

[entropy-game-dev]

So it's kind of overdue, but today I wanted to write up a postmortem about our crane herding simulator, Senbazuru, which was made for a 2 week gamejam with the theme "harness the wind". I worked with two of my friends - Lucinius, a programmer, and @JojojoGame, an artist - while I mainly did music and took on a minor programming role. 

Gameplay summary:

You are a wind spirit tasked with moving a flock of paper cranes through each level. You do this using the wind to push, pull, and generally direct the cranes, avoiding hazards and navigating through the levels. Your spirit has different ways in which wind can be emitted, including lines, freehand, auras, and more!

What went right:

Game design and scope: It took us a whole day to brainstorm ideas and flesh out a couple of candidates. We all had different ideas and directions of where to go, but we settled on something that really fit the theme and was achievable within the 2 week time period. We came up with some pretty interesting ideas actually, but in the end, ideas are VERY cheap, and it's the implementation that determines whether a game is successful or not. Lucinius had the basic gameplay engine up in a day which was fantastic, and we were able to go from there. @JojojoGame was our project lead and was able to communicate with Lucinius and myself what the overall style of gameplay/music should be and provide examples for us to work off.

Project management: Project management software is great, but only when people actually use it! When it is not used consistently, it often ends up being more work to track and manage progress, and it often falls to a couple of people to open and close tasks for the rest with no real benefit (in fact, it often means those productive enough to warrant use of such software have their time eaten up). Here, however, all of us used and regularly updated our Trello board - especially for myself and Lucinius, where it was especially important to see what had been finished so we did not duplicate programming work, and to track bugs and debug functionality that needed to be removed before submission. Just as an aside, in our first gamejam game we neglected to take out the level skip button, and the only person who made a video of that game somehow immediately found and pressed that button before realising what was happening, and then was confronted by the boss (whoops...)! 

Version control: This was the first time I had stepped into using version control in Gamemaker with another person. This meant having to pull more often and resolve merge conflicts (scary!) which neither of us had done before. Despite the initial learning curve, I think Lucinius and I both felt that the use of Bitbucket/Sourcetree was invaluable, and could work on systems fairly independently without much risk. There are some quirks when using version control with Gamemaker - like the level editor and main project file - but for the most part it was fairly smooth. Similar to project management software, source control works when it is used frequently and we can be confident that we have the latest code. 

Music: I learnt piano when I was younger so I had a very very basic idea of music theory and could read sheet music. But because I had nominated myself to do all the tracks and sound effects for this game, it forced me to sit down and learn a solid basis for proper music theory and learn a real digital audio workstation which I've always wanted to do. I deferred any questions I had (I had a lot) to this guy right here, and he basically carried me by not only answering my questions, but recommending me plugins and critiquing my music. All in all, I learnt a lot and am much more confident in producing music!

Not only that, but because I had two variants of each song (one normal theme and one battle theme), I learnt how to synchronise tracks in Gamemaker and have them fade smoothly from one song to the other depending on your distance to hazards. The code I used there I can repurpose for my own game, because the plan is to have exploration and battle variants of some tracks. 

What went wrong:

Tutorial: I can't emphasise how last-minute the tutorial was, and it really brought the game down as noted by the jam reviewers. We did have quite a complex control scheme (cycling between modes and left+right click to do stuff), and the tutorial that I had written up was long-winded, text-heavy, and all-around confusing. Given more time I would have liked to do visual instructions plus obstacles in the tutorial level that forced you to learn the controls, but it really demonstrated to me the importance of instructing players in a straightforward, but thorough manner.

Work commitments: @JojojoGame and myself both work full-time and thus were really only able to work sporadically on the game. This wasn't too bad for me because I was only doing the music/sfx and a bit of programming in terms of the audio manager and game flow, but @JojojoGame was doing ALL of the art and ALL of the level design, which, as you can imagine, takes a lot of time. I think in future I will try to push an external level designer (one that can be imported directly into Gamemaker, like Tiled), so that anyone who doesn't own Gamemaker will better be able to visualise and design thier levels.

UI: It's obvious when UI is an afterthought and here, it really was - we had basic icons for which wind style you were using, and a crane counter thrown together in a few minutes, but that was really it. Good UI is essential to the enjoyment of any game, and even though we had a really fun game, it doesn't help much if the player is confused on what to do. I would have liked to see all form icons visible with control indicators to show how to swap, a customisable camera zoom, crane indicators for lost/offscreen cranes, and effects for the beginning of the level's cranes spawning in and the end of level exit.

Level design: Due to the aforementioned work/time requirements, we didn't really design any levels that took advantage of the wind form mechanics we had developed. We were planning for moving hazards, hazards that follow you, and fire/water effects on the cranes which would have necessitated using some other styles. Designing levels is hard, and each unique obstacle requires extra art, programming, and sound!

Final thoughts:

Overall, the game itself could have been better, but I was still happy with what we were able to accomplish, and all three of us really learnt a lot. We're still debating whether or not to move forward with polishing the game and potentially releasing it, but I feel like interest levels weren't that high as far as I could tell, so I think we'll have to either polish what we have and get proper feedback!

Haven’t played it yet? Download Senbazuru here for free and see if you agree with my assessment!