#this reads like a dark seinfield plot synopsis

[morgana-ren]

God the 😻 🦋 I get when reading what your ocs are into. Love it. Your kinks a line with mine almost perfectly!

Do you have one scenario/fantasy with them that you're into more than the others? Or at the top of your list right now

I'm super fond of all of them, but there are specific things about certain ones that I really love.

There's a modern AU I love because there's something absolutely hilarious about 3 guys who live in ye olde medieval times™ learning the ins and outs of modern technology and severely abusing it. Too many emojis and a tenuous grasp on modern slang. Using the internet to stalk love interests and having way too much fun with their phones-- especially the camera function. Annoying each other with late night texts, abusing the GPS system. Reaver getting involved in crypto and shady business deals and having a self indulgent instagram and a twitter rivalry with fellow real-life evil oligarch Elon Musk. Dodging cops with ease after the slew of murders cause magic and also... they don't technically exist. Astarion going batshit for everyone with vampire kinks and trying to get the hang of sexing. Nighty having to hide his true form because we're just not used to tall purple half-dragon tieflings running around with horns and tails although he cannot be persuaded to stop dressing like a pirate whore unless the circumstances are absolutely dire. All three of them using Pornhub but absolutely refusing to admit it except Reaver who will unabashedly watch at the dinner table with the volume up.

There's one that gives me a heart tickle where Nighty gets his happily ever after and actually has the children he wants so desperately with a wife that loves and adores him (and Astarion loves and adores her but isn't allowed to touch her and just has to pine from the sidelines forever although that rarely stops him from trying.)

There's a particularly mean one where Nighty decides he wants his brother's (a different, actual brother, not mentioned here) girlfriend and taks her for himself himself behind his brother's back but erases her memory so she doesn't remember and can't tattle but ends up slowly actually falling for her and ends up in a real jealousy-fueled pickle.

Nighty joins the PTA and becomes king shit of fuck mountain among all the moms and absolutely despised by the dads. He murders and eats all the abusive parents in his downtime and tries to cover it up (he has a serious soft spot for families and kids so if he catches wind of a parent hurting their child or something else that's sinister, those parents don't last long). Wears leather pants and an unbuttoned shirt constantly to said meetings and never misses one. Is literally in the history books the kids read from as history's biggest pirate villain and does not bother to hide it except from his wives and three adopted daughters who he does not want finding out about some of the stuff he's done (spoiler, they do.) Reaver is the reluctant actual uncle in this one and pretends he hates it but does genuinely love the kids even if he won't admit it but will not go as far as to proclaim to be their father unless something is happening he really doesn't like.

I also love when they pull stunts and blame it on each other. Like one will do something particularly heinous and go out of his way to blame it on one of his brothers ie Nighty shapeshifting to look like Reaver before he does some disgusting, horrible thing or one of them getting the others drunk to get some form of blackmail (happens a lot, they do a lot of horrible shit and do try to conceal it.)

They're absolutely dreadful when they work together but they're arguably so much funnier when they work against each other. Look, they love each other but they're all assholes and have no problem throwing each other under the bus. There is an ongoing joke when one of them fucks up that the other ones proclaim "Ha, you're out!" meaning they are out of the polycule for good. Never seems to stick though.

Anything that takes place on the pirate ships is always so good. Nightmare squawking like a high-strung Mormon pretending he isn't into something that he clearly is. Reaver dragging the others down to his level and trying to shoot anything that inconveniences him, including them. Astarion being forced into being the rational one (which he hates.) Nighty having to be physically stopped from adopting every wayward child he comes across (believe it or not, he's a great dad. Just a horrible love interest but he's pretty good at separating the two). Reaver ending up paying 8000 different child support payments to random families because Nightmare has eaten their horrible parents.

They have literally done every horrible thing under the sun between the three of them.