#this post wasnt really prompted by anything i was just kind of absently thinking about this

[unfamiliaris]

random af post but man I love the moment I realized I don't have to gaf about what my gender is ... for literally so long I convinced myself that I had to fit into certain boxes that couldn't really contain my complexities for the sake of making myself easier to understand, but honestly now as an adult I've realized that my gender doesn't really need to be anyone's business - not even my own tbh. i do what feels good with my body and I call myself whatever I want without worrying about how I'm perceived because I've realized it really doesn't even matter how people perceive me beyond my pronouns (which even then are subject to change, I think), and my gender isn't like a mystery I'm obligated to solve so that I can answer people's prying questions about me. I don't need to have answers to give and that doesn't say anything about me other than the fact that I'm deeply aware that the human experience often can't be summarized in a single word or label. I've found certain labels very helpful in finding out other aspects of myself (mainly aromanticism and lesbianism), but when it comes to my gender I've kind of just decided that my gender is an evolving experience just like the rest of my life and I don't have to commit to anything. and that's been a million times more freeing than anything I've ever done to affirm myself prior

[fifi-uchiha]

He Wasn’t There (2/?)

Don’t read if you can’t deal with sexual abuse! Part 1: https://fifi-uchiha.tumblr.com/post/170476061649/he-wasnt-there

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“What do you mean, he hasn’t answered yet?” Those were the few times in which Hatake Kakashi felt something similar to... rage. The silver haired jonin could not understand why his former student was still absent and Kakashi knew Sasuke well enough to know that he’d die for Sakura in a heartbeat. So why didn’t he send a hawk after receiving that letter from Naruto? What was going on, how could he take so damn long to answer?! “I mean what I said, dattebayo. I didn’t get a message. I have no idea where that bastard is nor do I know how he reacted to the latest news!” Naruto sounded uncharacteristically desperate because he just didn’t understand how everything turned out so goddamned messed up! “Kakashi Sensei, I know him better than myself! He wouldn’t just ignore a message from us, Sasuke would never stay away if Sakura-chan’s life were endangered-” “Then why isn’t he here?”, Kakashi asked a bit too fiercely. “I know how important that mission is, Naruto, but I always thought that his family would be his first and most important priority...” “It is! Kakashi Sensei, Sarada-chan and Sakura-chan are both his life! That bastard would NEVER abandon them, I swear!” Naruto would never forget how he left the village after he spent time with 12 year old Sarada and Sakura-chan. . . . “Dobe.” As always, his voice showed little emotion and a normal person would never be able to see the deep connection that hold Team 7 together. They were family, more so even, that’s why Sasuke never had to be over dramatically sweet or something. “I swear to god, if you call me that again, I will rip out your chicken ass hair, dattebayo!” Sasuke payed little attention to his idiotic outburst and kept on talking as if nothing happened. “Take care of them.”, he just said without looking the hokage in the eye. “You and Kakashi… You’re the only ones I trust.” His voice was prompt, serious and held a little softness with it which could only be recognized by his comrades. “This is the last time I’m asking you to watch over them, Naruto. Next time I come back, it will be for good and I will stay forever.” Processing those blunt but honest words, Naruto smiled, being more than happy to  hear that for it was always his dream to life a life with his comrades by his side. Sasuke -even if he barely showed his feelings- hated leaving his family behind but after being too lazy for too many months he knew that the time had come to leave and finish his mission. Even if it would take years again, he would return eventually and stay with his wife and child. And the sooner he went off, he sooner he’d get back. Sasuke couldn’t wait to come back, so much Naruto knew. “Don’t worry. Under my care, nobody will get hurt, dattebayo! I will protect Sarada-chan and Sakura-chan with my life!” “Sakura is fully capable of protecting her.”, the black haired Uchiha said, his dark, obviously worried eyes looking to an unknown distance. “Sarada is save with her. No matter what, Sakura would never let her get hurt.” There was so much trust in his tone that it almost surprised Naruto for he still wasn’t used to Sasuke’s and Sakura’s intimate relationship. They barely showed too much affection in public nor did they use soft, loving words but Naruto knew that their relationship must be one hell of intense when they were alone. “Naruto. I want you to keep an eye on our annoying, overworking and ridiculously selfless comrade.” What sounded like a harsh demand was actually Sasuke’s way of pleading and Naruto didn’t need a second to think about his answer. “Don’t worry about her safety. Sakura-chan is my best friend and the worst thing that could happen is that she could collapse after a shift in the hospital, dattebayo!” “Hn. She really is too reckless sometimes.”, the Uchiha commented disapprovingly. “But I will make sure to fix her way of working after I finished this mission.” That definitely was a promise he would keep, Naruto was sure of it. “Well, Ino tried to lock her up once but it turned out that Sakura broke down a whole wall to get out. Damn, that was amazing! Scary… but definitely amazing!”

“Tche. I have my ways to convince her.” A little, devilish smirk touched his lips an immediately, Naruto started to shriek like a girl and made choking noises after realizing what he just implied. “Teme! I do NOT want to know ANYTHING about anything that involves you two fucking each others BRAINS OUT!” “Shut up, Usuratonkachi!” . . . “He loves her, Kakashi Sensei! Sasuke-teme would never abandon them!” “I understand you, Naruto, but it’s pretty hard to believe that when I look at my broken, traumatized student who has to suffer without having her husband by her side.” Kakashi was blunt and honest as always, too honest for Naruto, really. “However, I will take charge of the investigations.”, the jonin said, looking more serious than ever. “Whoever did this to her, I will find him and… make him regret.” Actually, Kakashi Hatake wasn’t known to be overly brutal or harsh but he was kinda sensitive when someone dared to hurt his team. And his wasn’t simply ‘hurting’ his former student. No, someone who was more than powerful was able to do the unthinkable to Uchiha Sakura and the jonin would make sure that the culprit would get his punishment. Even Ibiki’s torture methods wouldn’t stand a chance against his own ways of interrogation. “Alright.”, the seventh hokage replied, his blue eyes full of sorrow and worry. “I’ll visit Sakura-chan today. Maybe… she’s ready to talk to us and-” “Don’t go in there alone, Naruto.”, Kakashi interrupted him. “Best friend or not, you are a man. I knew plenty of women who suffered the same fate and a few of them weren’t even able to face their own brothers and fathers after… that.” Kakashi’s chest twitched at the mere thought. Never in his life would he have imagined that he wouldn’t be able to visit his traumatized student to be there for her only because… he was a man. His little, sweet, crazy ex-student wouldn’t want to see him because of that fact and it hurt Kakashi. It really hurt to experience something as horrible as that. “I-” Naruto choked after he processed the sixth hokage’s words. “I’ll take Ino with me...” Naruto got up, looking mortified and sad as he walked to the door, knowing that it would hurt even more if he saw Sakura-chan like that again. But he had to suffer for her. They were best friends and not even the devil himself would keep him from visiting his pink haired, energetic, hot tempered comrade. But to be honest… Naruto would rather fight the devil instead of facing her. Because Naruto knew he failed miserably for he broke his promise in the most horrible way. Things would probably never go back to the way it was before… . . . ..……………………………………....………………………. “How do you feel?” Ino sat right next to her best friend, her blue eyes full of sadness and worry for Sakura. The medic-nin looked like a whole different person even though she didn’t show any changes physically. It was her eyes that made the blonde kunoichi worry. Her eyes lost that special, green spark- There was no joy, no happiness, no determination- Nothing. Ino saw nothing in those once energetic, sparkling eyes but heavy emptiness. Dead. Sakura looked dead, absolutely lifeless and empty. “Sakura… Something’s wrong with your chakra.”, she started to get Sakura to speak up. “Listen to me. I know you were hurt and I know… that you suffer. But your chakra is spinning like crazy and if we don’t know what happened, we won’t be able to help you.” Still no answer. Sakura just sat on her bed and looked at the wall in front of her, no showing one single expression. “I think your opponent used a jutsu to do something to you..! Sakura, please, I’m your best friend, you can trust me-” “Mama!” It were Sarada and Naruto who suddenly showed up and while the young Uchiha girl hurried to her mothers side, the hokage looked kind of unsure. Naruto hesitated, remembering Kakashi Senseis painful but true words. “Mama… How are you? Do you feel too much pain? Do you need fresh air?” “Sarada...” Again, it was her beloved daughters name that Sakura whispered and Ino could see her eyes getting wet immediately. “Yes? Do you need something?”, she asked in a hurried voice. “Don’t worry about your daughter, Sakura-chan! Sarada-chan stays with us and she liked it, am I right?” Even if he tried, Naruto didn’t sound as cheerful as he actually wanted but he couldn’t help it. Looking at Sakura-chan’s beaten, bruised and weak body made his insides squirm, the hokage felt like he was out of oxygen. “Sarada..?” Green, dull eyes were looking at the 14 year old Uchiha who almost shivered by the way her mother looked at her. The next words hit Sarada like a train for she had not expected to hear something like that from the medical ninja. “Would… Would it be okay if we… moved out?” Ino and Naruto let out a shocked breath as they watched mother and daughter during Sakura’s weakest moments of pain and agony. Both of them knew what exactly the pinkette meant but they just couldn’t believe what they heard. It seemed so impossible and unreal to them, however, this was reality. Harsh, painful reality. Sarada was aware of what her mom tried to ask her. Would it be okay if we lived in another house… without your papa? To be honest, Sarada couldn’t describe the feelings that were consuming her. Fear, shock, hesitation, rage, sadness… and pure understanding. Yes, she was angry at her father who still didn’t come back from his mission, however, she didn’t want their parents to divorce… Maybe one little part of her wanted that but it was far to complicated to explain. She knew that her mother deserved much better. She deserved a life full of happiness with a husband who would stay by her side and show his live with no hesitation. But like she said, it was too complicated to explain. “Yes.”, she still answered. Sarada was no naive, ordinary child. The young chunin was aware that her mother loved her father very much… maybe even too much. However, whatever happened to her seemed to have changed her mama. It was more than obvious that she wasn’t able to live with her husband any longer because sometimes love wasn’t enough. “Yes… Mama, you don’t have to think that I wouldn’t support you!”, Sarada stressed and held the pinkette’s hand in a firm but soft grip. “We’re a team, remember? Whatever happened to you, I will help you get better. Mama, I would never leave you, I swear!” Sarada was not the kind of girl who used sweet words for anyone or anything, really, but Uchiha Sakura was her mother. She was the person who raised and loved her from the very beginning, she was the person who taught Sarada how to love. So how could she possibly leave her mother? “Don’t you think it would be more convenient if you both stayed at my house? I mean, we could have lots of fun together! With Sai and Inojin in the house, I’m clearly outnumbered and I definitely need girls by my side!” Ino would not leave her friend alone, Sakura was psychologically not able to cope with those last incidents. “Thank you, Ino. But… I just want to… stay with Sarada.” “But you can stay with us, Ino-san!”, the 14 year old kunoichi ensured, feeling that her mothers best friend would be able to help her coming back to her senses again. “Uh… Yeah, sure! I mean, it’s been so long since we three had a girls night, don’t you think?” “Hey, can I come, too?”, Naruto asked and got an unpleasant look from the blonde medic. “I said ‘girls night’, Naruto.”, she deadpanned matter-of-factly. “Are you a girl or was there something you were hiding from us?” “Well, If it’s a girl you want...” His sneaky grin was evil, the corners of his moth almost reaching his ears when he crossed index- and middle finger for his well known jutsu. “Oiroke no jutsu!” A second and a load of smoke later, a ridiculously attractive, barely clothed woman appeared, smiling seductively at his female friends. “...then it’s a girl you’ll get! One hell of a girl, dattebayo!” Sarada looked kind of… shocked because she now realized where that baka Boruto got that idiotic idea to consider this even more idiotic jutsu as a real fighting technique. If her mother weren’t so hurt and sick, she would’ve felt so much disappointment for the nan-daime but she would talk to uncle Naruto later about it. “Would you cut that shit out? My daughter is right here, baka Naruto!” Ino, Sarada and Naruto let out a more than surprised breath when the pink haired medic-nin suddenly shouted at him. Sure, her voice was still raspy and Naruto knew that this was a result from… screaming too much. Never in his life had the fox ninja witnessed that Sakura would be out of voice because of a horrible fight she’d lost… Her form still looked fragile and weak and her beautiful green eyes would need very much time to sparkle again, so much he knew. But at least she started talking. As long as Sakura would talk, Naruto would help her get better and even if the beautiful medical ninja could never be the same, he would be there. “I’m sorry, Sakura-chan. But I want to be a part of your three-woman-army!” With his horrible feelings of guilt and hatred for himself, Uzumaki Naruto would try to be the one who’d make her be happy again. He would talk to her, he would be there for her, he would even smile so she would feel at least a little better. And one day, Sakura would be able to talk about that fateful day. One day, she would trust her friend and tell him everything. And one day, Sasuke… will come back. Naruto believed in him. He had to because if he didn’t believe in Sasuke Uchiha… Then who would? . . . “Whatcha doin’, Sarada?” The fourteen year old was just carrying the last boxes into her new home. Uncle Naruto, Sai-san, Ino-san, Kakashi Sensei and Lee-san volunteered to help them out, so they would surprise the medic who was still hospitalized for at least three days. She got up early today to finish her duties, making sure to take all her and Mama’s stuff from her old home and yes, the young girl shed uncountable tears while doing so. Seeing their family photo hurt. Mama was smiling her most beautiful smile, looking full of joy and happiness while Papa’s lips formed a rather warm, soft and relaxed smile with eyes looking so… peaceful. Yeah, her father looked incredibly peaceful and Sarada wondered why she’d never noticed before. But then again, she was only 12 years old. Now, 15 months later, she was far more attentive and smart and noticing that immense happiness she felt even more terrible. Sadness, anger, betrayal… So many feelings made her chest hurt and like so many times before, Sarada asked herself why her parents were even married. Or why her dad wouldn’t come back to hunt that bastard down who hurt Mama and rip him to shreds. Because she would. Sarada would find him and drown him in his own blood. “Kachan was worried when you suddenly took off. You can’t just leave like that, do you have any idea how afraid mom and dad were?”, Boruto scolded her which felt a little weird because it was always his female teammate who scolded him to death. “That’s right. We were worried.”, Mitsukis calm, collected voice said. “Konohamaru Sensei almost cried, you know. I think you should apologize to him.” “I’m just trying to decorate my new home as you can see!” Her sudden snap startled Boruto and Mitsuki for it was not like Sarada to bust out like that. Sarada’s back was facing them, she didn’t even turn around to look them in the eye. “The heck? We were all looking for you and now you shout at us? Do you think that’s fair?!” “I never asked you to look for me!”, she hissed in a hurried voice. “As you can both see, I’m just renovating my new home! So stop bickering about my absence!” “We were WORRIED!” “NO NEED TO!” Mitsuki just looked from one side to the other, finding himself in his used position to watch his comrades bicker. But… No, this wasn’t just bickering. Sarada seemed really upset and Boruto angry. His friends bickered pretty often, yes, but… this was an argument. A real verbal fight. “Would you at least turn the fuck around?! Damn it, Sarada, we were afraid that this guy would hurt you, too!” “Guys, we should all calm down...-” “I am BUSY! Boruto, I don’t have time for you and your idiotic reproaches! Get lost and leave me alone like-” Like Papa. Just like Papa left Mama and her. “Okay, that’s it!” “Boruto, don’t-” Mitsuki was too late for Boruto finally snapped, grabbed her right upper arm and forced her not too gently to turn around and at least look him in the eye. But when he looked at her, his breath hitched and his heart pumped against his chest. Looking at him were eyes redder than blood, with tomoes spinning like crazy. Her mouth was a pressed line, her jaw hardened and… her cheeks wet. Sarada’s red eyes were drowning in wet, flowing tears and both, Mitsuki and Boruto thought that she was suffering like she was being tortured. Yes, Sarada looked very angry and upset at Boruto but she was crying. Never before had Mitsuki or Boruto seen Uchiha Sarada shed tears. Happy tears maybe… but not this. Not like that. “Sarada...” “I just wanted to decorate our new home! Someone HAS to do it!”, she spat with shaking voice and flowing tears. “I would’ve asked my dad to do it but as you both know, he isn’t HERE!” It was at this moment when Uchiha Sarada lost it and had her very first brake down. “Oi… Sara-!” Holding her tightly, Boruto felt lost and horrible when she started sobbing uncontrollably, her small body shaking like crazy. Nervousness and absolute horror was written in the Uzumaki’s eyes when Mitsuki suddenly stood right next to them and put a hand on her back. Never in his life would Boruto have imagined to see his female comrade so broken, never would he have guessed how much she suffered… “You don’t have to cry. Your family will be okay again, Sarada...” Mitsuki didn’t quite know how to deal with such a delicate situation and simply acted on instinct, hoping it would help Sarada for he found out that he hated it when she cried. Es wasn’t used to seeing er like this and he did not enjoy this at all- He’d rather have Sarada scold the Uzumaki or just tease him like no one else could. “No… No, we won’t be okay, Mitsuki..!”, she sobbed, breaking even more with each passing minute. “He didn’t come back! Even though he KNOWS that there is someone out there who was able to defeat and hurt Mama terribly, even though he KNOWS that Mama is very sick right know!” “My mom… Something horrible happened to her and she won’t tell me what. She’s changed, guys, she’s changed a lot… I don’t know how I can help her, without Papa I can’t do anything!” “No, you help your mother by simply being there.”, Mitsuke told her in a calm, warm voice. “There’s no need for you to feel so upset. I’m sure you guys will get through this in no time. You just have to be patient.” “He’s right, dattebasa!”, Boruto agreed and patted the back of the girl in his arms. “Sasuke-ojisan will come back, there’s no way he’d leave you.”, he continued. “Your mom is tough and so are you and there is no way that anyone can really screw with you two. Sakura-nechan didn’t lose the fight, by the way. She was injured, yes, but we don’t know what happened to that bastard that attacked her. Come on, now please stop crying, Sarada...” And really, the Uchiha girl finally was able to calm down. Her teammates just stayed with her, not allowing her to be alone and have another breakdown because after two years of deep friendship, there was nothing new Team 7 wouldn’t do for each other. “Come on, you guys. Lets finish this and make Sakura-san happy, yeah?”, Mitsuki suddenly broke the silence, having the feeling that this would cheer her up even more. “As far I can see, Sarada’s fashion sense is kind of… grotesque.” Too shocked and offended by his words, Sarada pouted, looking rather annoyed at Mitsuki’s friendly, mean remark who just smiled at her. “Wow.”, she said with her strong voice, drying her tears with her Sleeve. “You really know how to cheer someone up, don’t you?” Mitsuki’s smile grew wider hat her little smirk, knowing that there was no reason to worry anymore. “I do, actually. But there’s one thing I still don’t quite manage to understand.”, he said whereas Sarada and Boruto blinked at him, looking more than confused? “And what would that be, Mitsuki?”, the blonde chunin asked as his friend’s grin became teasing. “Why are you still holding her? You guys look like a couple in love.” Sarada blinked once, twice, thrice and suddenly realized that her idiotic comrade was indeed still holding her which was why she let got of his shirt she was clawing before. “You won’t tell anyone, right?”, Sarada asked him a little unsure. “I would never tell anyone about anything involving your or Boruto’s personal problems.” Both of them sighed in relieve, however, when Mitsuki patted their shoulders, they knew he was up to something. “But I definitely will tell Chocho about how close you’ve gotten...” “MITSUKIIIIII!” Sarada and Boruto ran after him with the attempt to catch the wind-style user and force him to stay quite and while doing so, the black haired kunoichi smiled with herself for she was so thankful to have comrades like them. Sure, family was the most important part in her life, but sometimes, teammates can be just es close as family. That’s what Mama has taught her after all… . . . :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Sooo, this is part two of my new fanfic that I wrote… kinda out of the blue, actually. I don’t even think it’ll be that long. Like I said, I just want to boost my English knowledge ^^

And guys, I know that there are a few people who don’t like stories like that and I understand. It’s okay, you don’t have to like my fanfics at all, even if you follow me. I won’t hold it against you, okay? BUT you guys should all know that I will block every hater who wants to act like one tough internet-gangster. Criticize me like an adult without using improper language. Not only don’t I give a shit about critics like that, there also WILL be one hell of a backfire which I really want to avoid. So, I hope you liked it! Have a great day/night and good look with enduring this week. I’ll have an exam on Thursday so… Wish me luck, yeah? :D with love fifi-uchiha! Part 3 https://fifi-uchiha.tumblr.com/post/170697283709/he-wasnt-there-3