#this post was a Lot to just find sitting in my drafts...... hello........................................................................

[thedragonagelesbian]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the cyrus halsin parallels of rising to the occasion of overwhelming expectation, burdens imposed by others and by yourself, through meticulous self-control and repression so easily disguised by your affable, good, giving nature that you cannot even recognize your behavior and your rough treatment of yourself as performances-- it is simply who you are, or at the very least who you should be, and that impossible aspiration has been a part of your self for so long that sometimes you do not know if you are still you when the battle is over.

or, worse, that if you were to let that control slip--if you rage too long, if you succumb to the beast--you might never come back

[greynatomy]

soft launch

ona batlle x reader

had this in the drafts for so long that i forgot abt it. then remembered i only wrote it cause i want ona to myself

prequel here

———

“Ona Batlle and Lucy Bronze share an embrace after Spain’s World Cup Win”

“Lucy Bronze and Keira Walsh broke up”

“Wonze is no more”

“Luna - Lucy Bronze and Ona Batlle ship name”

“i just saw lucy and ona walking around barcelona by themselves”

“keira posted a picture with narla. they’re still together”

“Wait, wait. Look at this one. Ona Batlle seen going home with Lucy Bronze after practice. Guess it’s illegal to be in Lucy’s car.”

“Mi mundo, why are you still reading those?” Ona asks, setting a cup of tea in front of where you sat on the kitchen table.

“It’s just so funny. Me and Keira were in the backseat too.”

“I called gunshots.” She shrugged.

“Shotgun, my love.”

“It is the same.”

“Sure.” You stand up from your seat, Ona sliding in to sit, you finding your place on her lap. A familiar action.

“We should tell people now, I think. Slowly?”

“Yes! A soft launch!”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“Like, we don’t hide our relationship but we don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“I like that.”

—

Ona and Lucy are at a meet and greet with some Barcelona fans. One fan, Andrea, stepped up to the microphone.

“Hi.”

“Hello. What’s your name?”

“Andrea.”

“Hi, Andrea. What’s your question?”

“Well, I don’t know if you’ve both are aware, but there’s been a lot of rumors and speculations on the internet.”

“Oh? About what?” Lucy asks with a smirk.

“Luna or Wonze.”

The crowd cheers, also wanting to know all the information.

“Okay, okay.” Ona speaks up this time, not able to stop the smile on her face. “Me and Lucy, we are very close. Only because we don’t really have a choice.”

“Yeah, if we did, I’d stay far away from Ona. Nah, I’m kidding. I met her back in England on Holiday. Wanted to surprise my sister, but saw someone else.” She points a thumb towards Ona.

“You’re dating her sister.” Someone stated, shocked, making the audience laugh.

“Oh, yeah. They are not shy with letting people know.”

“What about all the car rides and stuff.”

“Y/N is usually in the back with Keira. They love to gossip, most of the time making fun on all the edits.”

—

liked by lucybronze, keirawalsh and 57,638 others

ona.batlle soft launch take too long

view all comments

lucybronze those hands are a bit too low for my liking

↳ keirawalsh leave them alone

↳ yourinstagram yeah! leave me alone

↳ keirawalsh @/yourinstagram don’t push her buttons

yourinstagram just couldn’t help yourself huh?

↳ ona.batlle want to show you off

↳ user1 omg that was so cute

↳ user2 i need me an ona

[iluvapplesxh]

⧽⧽⧽Behind The Scenes II. ⧼⧼⧼

✰ pair: billie eilish x fem!reader

✯ summary: The man you thought has finally stopped haunting you, suddenly gives you a call. And needless to say, he doesn't quite like it when you seek comfort from the one person you should've left out of this.

✰ warnings: stalking, a little bit of fluff, angst, blood, stabbing, intentions and attempt of kidnapping, mentions of vomiting, !ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE! (5.8k+ words)

✯ part I.

✒ a/n: the fluff fics sitting in my drafts like: 😴. (I accidentally posted this when it was halfway done and almost had a panic attack)

The silence in your apartment was overbearingly loud as you sat by your kitchen counter. There was a glass in front of you, half empty, filled with some type of alcoholic drink you took out of your fridge. You hadn’t drunk that much, but your head was pounding while you rested it on your cold, clammy palms. 

Gosh, why couldn’t you just get her out of your head? That stupid, worried expression she had been looking at you with a couple days prior. The soft crease in her brows, the pouty frown which had been so beautiful on those pretty pink lips. Or how her fingers had wrapped around your wrist, pulling you back against her. Close. So close you’d felt her breath on your skin before you’d painfully stepped away. 

A long, soft breath slipped past your lips as you shook your head in hopes of making the thoughts vanish. But it was useless. You couldn’t just stop thinking about her. Not when the two of you parted ways so…stupidly. 

But you weren’t in the wrong. You had a fucking stalker at the time. And you couldn’t just say no  to him.  Not when he had been threatening you with such  things. But then again, you could have, no, should have told Billie. So why didn’t you? Maybe you were scared he’d find out somehow. Or maybe you were just a coward. Whichever, it wasn’t the right or your decision to make. 

You perked up when your ears picked up the faint sound of your phone ringing in your bedroom where you had put it up to charge. 

You pushed the glass in front of you away and stood with another heavy sigh. You slowly walked towards your bedroom, walking through the door and up to your bedside table where your phone was plugged in. But, when you stopped in front of the wooden furniture and your gaze fell on the bright screen of your phone -a tight contrast to the darkness in your room- and what you saw was; Caller ID: unknown.

Your brows knitted together and a lump formed in your throat at the realisation. Your jaw clenched tightly as you took a deep breath before picking up the device, unplugging it before accepting the call with a shaky thumb.

“Hello?”

Just about as soon as the word left your mouth, a dark chuckle came from your phone, making you cringe. “Hey, beautiful. How are you?” A rough, deep voice said. “Enjoying the single life?” He continued, a smug smirk noticeable in his tone even though you couldn’t see him.

You screwed your eyes shut for a brief moment before sceptical gazing towards your windows, covered by blinds. “What do you want?” You asked, your voice filled with confusion and anger. “You already destroyed my relationship. What else could you possibly want?” You all but pleaded in a desperate tone.

The man tutted loudly, a deep sigh leaving his lips. “Now, now. There are a lot  of things I want” He paused dramatically for a moment before continuing. “You. for instance” He murmured lowly and a shiver went down your spine at his words. “But, not yet-” 

You swallowed thickly around the lump in your throat, you gaze frantically shifting around your room. “Just…” You began speaking. “Leave me alone. Please”

Another dark chuckle followed your plea. “But, baby, I’m enjoying this way too much” You almost gagged at the pet name he used and your grip tightened around your phone. “And you will, too. In time” He said in a taunting tone. “Right now, you’re scared, sad, lonely…and alone” 

Your whole body went rigid and all you could do was breathe heavily in and out your nose. “Not for long. Don’t worry, darling” He all but murmured into the microphone of his phone. “I’m coming” 

Those words were the last thing you heard before the line cut off, signalling the end of the phone-call. You blinked multiple times, standing still for another moment or two before you turned around frantically, rushing out the bedroom and almost aimlessly going around the apartment as your chest started feeling tight.

Finally, you stopped in front of the dresser in the hallway and grabbed your car keys with a trembling hand. You took fast, big steps towards the chair you had been sitting on minutes before, your finger grasping the fabric of your sweater before pulling it on and striding towards your front door. Your phone slipped into your pocket and you hurriedly put on your shoes. 

Your heart was thudding hard and loudly against your ribcage and with every breath you took it felt like it might be the last. You placed your hand on the door handle, hesitantly pushing it down before slowly pulling it open. You peaked your head out the barely open door, looking side to side in the hallway before letting out a shaky breath of relief when you saw nobody and heard silence.

You opened the door wider and stepped out of your apartment, your shoes thudding loudly against the newly renovated floor of the apartment building’s hallway, the sound echoing a little. You pulled the door shut behind you and turned around, locking it. You took another deep breath before pocketing your keys and taking hesitant but swift steps down the hallway.

Soon you were in the garage, anxiously glancing around as you took big steps towards your car in the far end of the building. Your hands were held in front of your torso, one grasping the other tightly. Your heartbeat echoed loudly in your ears, just as your ragged breaths did through the empty garage-considering the time-. 

You were just about a few metres from your car when a loud bang echoed through the building, somewhere behind you. You turned around fast, eyes wide and heart beating in your throat as you eyes darted all over the place.  The faint sound of footsteps approaching echoed and your heart almost jumped right out of your chest.

You didn’t think, you just swiftly turned back around, and ran to your car. You unlocked it and opened the door as the sound of the footsteps grew closer and heavier. Your hand shook as you placed the key to the ignition hole and twisted it before the same hand flew to the shift gear, gripping it and moving it. Your other hand pulled the door shut and moved to the steering wheel. Your foot stepped on the gas pedal hard and in a fast single motion your car flew towards the exit, tires screeching as you took the turn out onto the street before the car sped down the road.

It was only when you finally stopped at a red light that your heart rate slowed and your breathing became less ragged. You leaned your head back against the headrest and let out a shaky breath, shutting your eyes for a second.

You swallowed harshly before opening your eyes again, straightening up and placing both hands on the wheel, watching as the light turned green before you began driving again. 

You didn’t know exactly where you were heading. You didn’t really care either. You just wanted to get away. Fast. So, did it surprise you when you ended up at Billie’s place? Kinda. Not really. After all, she's always been your safe place. A shoulder you could cry on. A pair of arms that would hold you close until your body stopped shaking in sync with your rough sobs.

Not anymore though. You’re not hers anymore. Not hers to hold. Not hers to comfort. You simply weren’t her problem anymore. And you didn’t know if rightfully so, but it hurt. So much. 

But there were other things right now that you felt. Things that overpowered the feeling of hurt and guilt you felt whenever she was near you. Fear. A gnawing feeling of overwhelming fear and panic. You didn’t know if he was there earlier. You didn’t want to. And who knows, maybe he was, and he followed you here. And now not only were you in danger but so was the woman you loved with all your being.

Nevertheless, your car came to a halting stop by her home. You looked out the car window and a sigh left your lips when a couple of rain drops made the image of the house blurry. Your hand was placed on the key, and you twisted it once more, pulling it out as the dull rumble of your car’s engine stopped. Your bottom lip was tucked between your teeth as you gathered yourself before your hand reached for the door handle, pulling it and pushing the door open. 

Immediately, as soon as you stepped out of the car, the now pouring rain drenched you. A shiver ran down your spine and you shut the door before locking the car once more. 

A lump formed in your throat as you turned, glancing at the familiar house in front of you. The lights were on in the living room and you couldn’t help but let out a breath of relief. You took fast steps up the sidewalk then you approached the porch. Now, you stood in front of that door. Like you did so many times before. Of course, this was different. Because as your hand lifted, fingers tucked against your palm tightly and your thumb squeezed between them, ready to knock, suddenly you couldn’t.

It just didn’t feel right.

Maybe it was a horrible idea. Shit. What if he did follow you? No. No. You couldn’t be the reason Billie-...

Just as your fist dropped to your side again and your body turned to the side, the door swung open and you looked up with wide eyes. And you saw those blue eyes staring back at you, filled with confusion and a tinge of concern. Her brows were once again knitted together, a frown on her face. 

You felt a raindrop run down your face as you turned, it felt like hours until the silence was broken. Her voice was just a little louder than the thudding of the rain against the roof of the porch.

“What are you doing here?” 

The softness of her voice almost made you break down right then and there. You cleared your throat, suddenly finding your reasoning ridiculous and cowardly. You stayed quiet for a moment longer before the words formed  in your brain and came out of your mouth. 

“I-…He called me”

When the words left your lips, Billie’s heart rate sped up. A lump formed in her throat and she acted fast. “Alright. Alright. Come in” She grasped your arm gently, her fingers -now ringless- wrapping around you in an almost timid way. She pulled you inside and wordlessly shut the door behind you. Swallowing hard around the lump in her throat before she cleared it. She took in your drenched form and a shaky sigh left her lips.

“Uh, I’ll get you some clothes…” She said slowly, the awkward atmosphere suddenly overwhelming her. “You-...you can take a shower.” 

You nodded and looked down beneath yourself, seeing the small pool of water around your shoes. “Yeah. Okay” The words were muttered silently and you hesitantly pushed off your shoes and began walking to the bathroom. When you arrived, you gently pushed the door open and stepped in, closing it behind yourself.

Billie’s eyes followed you as you took cautious steps towards her bathroom. When you disappeared out of her sight, she huffed and inhaled deeply. Then turned around and locked the front door in a swift movement.

Soon she was rummaging through her closet, searching for something for you to wear. In all honesty, you would happily wear anything she owned just to feel that comforting scent around you again even if just by wearing her clothes.  

Billie’s hand ploddingly halted on one of her big T-shirts and she lifted it carefully, her breath catching in her throat when she looked at the article of clothing. Honestly, it wouldn’t have been anything special but, the way her mind almost immediately took her back to the numerous times you had worn this shirt of hers. It was a simple grey T-shirt with a small symbol on the left side of the chest area. 

Billie gently placed the T-shirt on the bed behind her after shaking the thoughts out of her head and she turned back to the closet, now going through  her pairs of pants. It didn’t take long before she settled on a pair of soft material blue baggy jeans and placed the folded clothing next to the T-shirt on the bed. 

She decided you would need something for your bare foot, too and just simply placed a pair of socks next to the already laid out clothes. Then she closed the doors of her closet and when she turned around, her eyes were set on you. And her heart leapt into her throat as she took you in, standing there, just in a white towel around your body.

Your eyes shifted towards the bed slowly, a pang making your chest tighter when you see the grey T-shirt layed out on it. You heard Billie clear her throat and you gaze went back to her, watching as her hand flew up and rubbed the back of her head.

"Uh, you can change into those." She began, her eyes now burning holes into the wall next to you. "I'm gonna be in the living room" She walked to the door where you stood. You nodded your head silently and stepped inside.

You heard her footsteps disappear down the corridor and a soft sigh escaped your lips as you tilted you head back.

Your thoughts raced as you sat down on the bed. The mattress under you so soft and comfortable. The memories which came flooding back made your heart ache. You felt like you couldn't breathe for a second and it just got worse when you once more cast you gaze down at the clothes laid out next to you.

Tears brimmed your eyes but you blinked them away. God, you missed this. Seeing her. Wearing her clothes. Being with her. In this house. Home.

A shaky hand reached out and picked up the T-shirt, holding it up in front of you. You let out a shaky exhale before dropping the clothing on your lap and unwrapping the white towel from around your body. You quickly slipped the T-shirt on, it's sleeves reaching down to your elbows and the end of it bunching up a little around your hips.

Then you stood and slipped on the baggy jeans, too, pulling it up to your waist before buttoning it and putting on the pair of socks. When you were done, you turned and took a look at yourself in the mirror.

You hated this. You hated this because you looked like hers again. Looked like nothing ever happened. Like there wasn't a man out there, waiting for you to be alone. Her scent developing you like it has so many times before. It was so comforting, making your breath calm and your heart rate slow down.

You felt your eyes burn with unshed tears once more and you squeezed them shut for a moment.

It was so wrong. You shouldn't feel like this right now. Like you were hers. You weren't. She's just a good person. That's all there was to it.

You exhale loudly and open your eyes once more, not letting your gaze fall into the mirror in front of you, instead turning your body and beginning to walk out of the bedroom.

You made your way towards Billie’s living room, looking around the corridor. Pictures of Billie at various events or with her family adorned the walls, but you noticed a couple clearer spots in between them, like there had been pictures there, too, previously but it had been taken down.  And you knew. Of course you did, after all it was so painfully obvious. Said pictures which Billie took down were of the two of you.

Your throat tightened up and you struggled to breathe for a long moment before you took a deep breath in through your nose and swallowed harshly. You continued making your way to the living room after.

When you arrived, you saw Billie looking out through the blinds, looking for something. Someone. You halted your footsteps with a tight, gnawing feeling of guilt in your chest. She shouldn’t have been in this situation.  She shouldn't have to be worried, anxious that there was someone out there, lurking and waiting for you. Or her.  But she was, and once again, you were to blame.

Billie’s head snapped back when she heard footsteps and let out a soft sigh when her eyes locked with yours. She let go of the blinds and turned around fully, taking in the sight of you in her clothes. Again. God, how she had missed this. You, coming over, sharing a wonderful evening with her and then getting comfortable on her sofa  in her clothes, watching some random teen show on Netflix. 

Billie cleared her throat and snapped her gaze away from you. “Uh…” She rubbed the back of her head, fingers tangling into her silky dark hair. “Would you like something to drink?” 

The awkward politeness of her question made you want to run out of there and never come back. “No, I’m good. Thanks” You managed to mutter out while your eyes darted all over the room nervously.

A small silent ‘alright’ left Billie’s mouth before she looked to the side and gestured towards the L-shaped sofa which was pushed against the wall. “You wanna sit?” 

“Sure”

The words abscond from your dry lips after a moment of hesitation and you turned, taking a couple steps towards the sofa and softly slumping down onto it. Billie followed suit, sitting down next to you at a respectful distance. Her shoulders were tense as she leaned back against the soft cushions. Your knee bounced up and down in an anxious and annoying manner, catching Billie’s attention. 

Her hand twitched with the instinct to reach out and put it on your knee to stop the nervous habit, but she didn’t. And maybe it was for the better anyway.

After a long minute of stillness, Billie spoke up. “Can you tell me what he told you?” 

Her words made your heart pick up its pace and you swallowed around the forming lump in your throat. You nodded reluctantly after a second. “Yeah” Your voice was a little hoarse and you shifted in your seat. “Well, uh he called me and just…I asked him what he wanted” You started, hearing the man’s words echo in the back of your mind. Billie tilted her head, brows knitted together while she waited for you to continue. “He said,” You cleared your throat. “There’s a lot of things he wants. For instance…me” 

An almost inaudible gasp slipped past Billie’s lips before she bit down on her lower lip. “He what?” Her words were harsh, her blood boiling. You cast your gaze down at the rug and exhaled. Billie’s head shook in disbelief. “A-...and then?”

You took a deep breath before continuing. “He told me that I-...” Your tongue darted out, moistening your dried lips. “I won’t be alone for long…and he was coming”

Billie exhaled loudly and brought a hand up to her face, her index finger and thumb pressing harshly against her temple. The two of you sat in silence for a few moments before she spoke. “Okay…” She started, swallowing hard. “Then you stay here and…we call the police” 

Your head turned to her at the mention of the police. “What? A…-and say what? There is no valid reason for them to actually do something” You argue, clearly -and understandably so- frustrated. “At least not permanently.”

Billie screwed her eyes shut and groaned, running the hand down her face and letting it fall against her thigh. “Then I don’t know! I-...” She took in a deep, ragged breath. “I’ll talk to someone, okay? Tomorrow. Until then, you stay here.”

Your eyes studied Billie’s expression and your jaw clenched before breathing out slowly. “Alright…” You softly nipped at the inside of your cheek for a moment. “Thanks” 

Billie’s expression softened and she nodded. “Of course. You’re welcome” 

Soon after, Billie offered for you  to spend the night in the guest bedroom of her house and you reluctantly agreed. So now, you stood by the door of the room, eyes watching Billie’s every movement as she set up the bed. Your thoughts were once more racing. What was going to happen after all this is over?  Were the two of you going to go back to being distant and awkward and just overall strangers? Would this whole thing ignite a spark of fire in the both of you, and the next thing you know you’re resting in her arms again every night? Will you just become friends? Gosh, the seas of questions and possibilities made your head pound and your breathing unsteady while you stood by the door with your arms folded over your chest, your fingers mindlessly fumbling with the soft material of the grey T-shirt.

“Are you okay?” 

The feeling of a warm touch on your arm made you snap out of your head and your eyes locked with Billie’s. You cleared your throat and glanced down at her hand on your arm for a moment before looking back up at her. “Yeah, uh…I’m good” 

Billie’s own eyes went to her hand resting on your arm, your skin soft against her palm and she swallowed harshly before taking her hand back and letting it rest by her side. She turned her head back into the room as she nodded. “The bed’s set up” 

You also nodded , a wave of disappointment flooding you when her touch no longer warmed up your skin. “Thanks.” 

“Yeah…” Billie turned back and ran her hand through her dark hair. “I’m going to bed now, alright?” When you nodded your head again and stepped aside, she slipped past you and stood in the corridor for a moment, her eyes burning holes into the wall, staring at one of those empty spots before she glanced down the hallway and to her own bedroom.  

“If you need anything just…come to me” 

Her voice was soft and just above a whisper and it felt like pure heaven to your ears before you replied. “Okay.” When you responded, Billie hesitantly turned and began walking down the corridor.

You didn’t wait until she was in front of her door, instead you went right into the guest bedroom and shut the door behind you.

When Billie heard the door shut, she turned around a little, her eyes looking at the now closed door with sadness in them before a sigh left her lips and she turned back, walking to her room and also shutting the door behind herself.

To be completely honest, neither of you got any sleep that night. Billie laid in her bed, under her blanket and stared at her ceiling. She was worried. Scared, if you may. But not for herself. She couldn’t care less about that right now. There was a pervy psycho out there, hunting you. Well to be fair if she did get involved, she possibly could also be a target. All Billie wanted to do was to hold you close and never let go again, keep you close to her, hug you tight and keep you safe in her arms. To Kiss you reassuringly before whispering to you that everything was going to be okay.

But she couldn’t. Because you simply weren’t hers anymore. She had no right to hold you that close, to kiss you until you felt safe again. The only thing she could do was keep you safe. And she was going to. Maybe even until she draws her last breath.

You were just about in the same situation as Billie. You laid on the guest bed which felt a little rough, uncomfortable due to the lack of times it’s been used. And you could feel just about every molecule of the damn blanket on top of you and it made you sweat and your heart beat fast in an incredibly intolerable way. Your ears picked up on every sound that came from outside on the  street, but it also didn’t quite reach your brain as it was clouded with overwhelming worry. Not for yourself, of course. All for Billie.

You didn’t get it. She was so insistent on you staying. She didn’t leave any room for argument after she suggested it for the first time. Even when you voiced your worries for her own safety. Why? Why? For what reason was it so important that you stay? For you, if it meant she’d be at least 5% safer, you’d have been out of there the moment she had pulled you inside from the pouring rain.

But, obviously, you didn’t. Not when she looked at you like that. Such sadness, worry and firmness etched onto her expression. So you stayed. And maybe, just maybe when or if the man would come, you’d be able to keep her safe. Out of reach for him. God, how you would just give your life for someone who possibly doesn’t even care like that anymore.  But to be fair, you couldn’t be more wrong about that.

In the morning, your restless sleep was interrupted by the sound of knocking on the guest bedroom’s wooden door. With a painful groan into the pillow, your aching body got up from the concrete-like mattress and walked to the door, opening it up. Billie stood in front of you, now in a different outfit than last night which was quite possibly her night wear. Now, she was wearing white long sleeved T-shirt with red running down from its shoulders and to the end of its sleeves which reached just about the middle of her hands. A pair of baggy men’s shorts, its checked  bottom hems reaching just past her knees and there was a small distance of skin between the shorts and the socks that were pulled up high. When your eyes went up again, noticing the red and black cap resting on her head, your eyes locked with her blue ones and you felt heat creep up your neck when you realised you’ve just checked her out.

Billie cleared her throat and nervously adjusted the thin,  frameless glasses which sat on the bridge of her nose. “Hi.” Was all that came out of her mouth as she felt her own face heating. “I uh…did I wake you?” Okay, stupid question.

You shifted your weight from one leg to another and glanced back at the bed you’ve been laying on before looking back at Billie. “Oh, yeah. But it’s fine. I wasn’t exactly having a great time in my head” You tried to joke but when Billie’s expression softened your jaw clenched and you cast your gaze down. “What’s up?”

“I was just coming to tell you that uh,” Billie tapped her now once more, ring covered fingers against the side of her thigh. “I was called in for some work so…” 

You looked up again and nodded, folding your arms over your chest. “Oh. Okay” 

“I was thinking you could tag along” 

At her suggestion, your brows furrowed and you hesitantly shook your head. “I-...I just don’t think that’s a good idea.” You struggled to voice your thoughts. “You know, the crowd” You muttered.

Billie inhaled sharply and nodded, shutting her eyes tightly for only a second before they met yours once again. “Right. Of course,” she nodded. “Sorry”

You bit down on your tongue harshly and swallowed hard. “I’ll just stay here” Billie nodded her head to your statement with a soft sigh. 

“Yeah, good idea.” She took one last look at you before turning to the side. “I’ll be going then. I should only take a couple hours.” Her expression softened again and her hand itched to reach out. To take you in her arms and hug you goodbye. Maybe plant a kiss on your soft lips before walking away. “Call me if anything weird happens, alright?” 

“Yeah. Okay. I will” 

With those words of affirmation, she took a deep breath and walked down the hallway, turning and walking towards the front door. She slipped on her shoes and took her car keys before stepping out of the house with a heavy heart and a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach.

–

Remember the words; ‘couple hours’? Yeah well, now it was 6PM and all you got was an; ‘hey, sorry I might be a little late. Lock the doors please’ from Billie. Your throat tightened up at the thought of being alone for so long. That message was 3 hours ago and now you were in Billie’s kitchen, having tried to eat something but the uneasy feeling in your gut pushed it all back right up so now you’re just leaning against the counter with your back to the entrance of the kitchen.

Something just didn’t feel right. And suddenly, you felt like you should’ve gone with Billie to the studio.

 Or wherever it was she needed to go.

As you were dwelling in your thoughts of worry and uneasiness, you didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings. So, you didn’t even bat an eye when footsteps echoed down the hallways, growing closer and closer at a tauntingly slow pace. You could only feel the uneasiness grow and you shook your head in hopes of just letting it go, but you didn’t, not when suddenly you felt a presence close.  Your body tensed suddenly and your eyes widened.

You hesitantly turn your body to the side and your heart jumps into your throat when you see someone. You couldn't see his face, there was this weird mask-like thing on his face. Then, you heard that disgusting chuckle rumble through his chest and you backed up as you shook your head. 

“Hey, baby”  

You swallowed hard as tears of fear welled in your eyes. You heard a quiet scoff leave his lips before he began taking large steps towards you. “Oh, are you not happy to see me?” His head tilted to the side and you just stood against the kitchen counter, frozen in place. The man exhaled loudly and tutted. “I thought I told you I was coming…why are you so surprised?” 

Your breathing grew heavy and fast. “No…what do you want from me?” You pleaded out in a broken voice and the man now full on laughed before stepping close to you. 

“You. Of course…” 

Your head shook side to side rapidly and you tried to step away but when you felt the feeling of something cold and metallic against your midsection through your shirt your head shot down, the edge of the sharp knife glistening back at you as the kitchen lights hit it just right. 

“It wasn’t a fucking question” He practically growled out into your face. “Not after you came here” He scoffed and took his gaze off you, looking around. “To that bitch’s house. Have you learned nothing, little girl?” He looked back at you and you could see the anger flaring in his dark eyes, you let out a whimper when the point of the knife pressed into you harder. 

“Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry”  Tears fell on your cheek as you begged. “Don’t hurt her, don’t-...”

“Shut the fuck up!” You flinched and nodded, heart thudding loudly against your chest. “Whether I hurt anyone or not…will simply depend on your decision, baby” His voice was once more low and somewhat calm when he spoke. “But whether I have to force you or not, you’re mine. Not hers. You understand?” 

When you felt the tip of the knife press against your flesh through your shirt, piercing it, you whimpered again and nodded. The man chuckled again and nodded. “Good. Good. Such a good girl, aren’t you?” You grew nauseous at his words and you swallowed down your sobs.

“So,” He began speaking after a couple moments of listening to your helpless sobs with a satisfied grin behind the mask-like thing on his face. You felt his free hand wrap around your forearm, holding it tightly. “You’re gonna come with me…without as much as a squeak” 

You were about to nod when both of your attention was drawn to the sound of an engine rumbling lowly and lights shone through the window as Billie’s car parked in the driveway. Your eyes widened and the man almost growled out. When his grip loosened and he took a step away from you, your whole body was trembling as you saw him move towards the front door which Billie was no doubt approaching.

No. No. No. No.

You didn’t think. Your body moved on its own and leapt forward, pushing the man into the counter. He let out a low groan before looking at you. “The fuck. Oh you wanna be disobedient?” He asked angrily before stepping towards you. Your heartbeat in your ears as you shook your head and sobbed, taking a step back before fleeing towards the living room.

The man didn’t waste a second and ran after you, and you didn’t get far before he tackled you and you were pushed face down onto the cold floor. You cried out when you felt your nose crack and blood almost immediately gushed out. The man swiftly turned you around as he got on top of you.

“Oh would you look at that?” He chuckled lowly. “I always knew you’d look even sexier with blood all over you” His thumb gathered some of the blood from your chin then put it against your trembling lips. “Come on” He muttered and you shook your head, tears mixing with the blood on your chin. He scoffed and forced his thumb into your mouth, harshly gripping your jaw and bringing your face up. 

“Any moment, that little pop star of yours will walk in…”  He whispered against your face. “And I will be long gone. But don1t worry. Not for long” He chuckled and pushed your face down roughly. Then you watched with blurry vision as he brought the knife up with his other hand and traced it on your side. “This is just for good measure, baby…this way she’ll know you’re mine” He growled before you felt the knife being brought down against your side, plunging inside fast and your vision blurred more as you screamed out in agony. The skin around the knife burned when he kept it in for a few seconds before pulling it out and you felt the as it was pulled out of your flesh, a disgustingly slushy sound leaving the wound as blood immediately poured and gushed out. 

The last thing you felt was his weight lifting off of you while you laid there. You didn’t see where he went. Then you heard the front door slam and hurried footsteps approach before a loud voice shouted. 

“Oh my God”

✒ a/n: oof...it got a little dark there. Anyway, the way 'Guess' ft. Billie has been on repeating on spotify is honestly unhealthy (i don't regret anything) Ahh the ending is so rushed. so sorry guys 🙏

➥ part III.

[takecareluv]

hello, maybe some headcanons/concepts on meeting vinnies friends🥺love your stuff so much

she’s the one || vinnie hacker x reader

word count : 873

author’s note : i thought i posted this already ?/? i’m so sorry, nonnie! i didn’t realize it was still in my drafts >.< i hope you like this! i started writing it as a short concept but then it became longer so i turned it into more of a headcanon / blurb ( idrk !) also thank you so much for your kindness <3 mwah !! <3

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

vinnie’s down bad from the moment he met you, there’s no doubt about it. he’d been practically begging the universe for a girlfriend for ages now and finally, after months of sulking and swiping left on the endless amount of l.a. girl that are basically carbon copies of each other, here you are ; everything he’s been searching for — a diamond in a sea of glass.

after just one date with you, he knew you were the one and he wasn’t shy about sharing his excitement. his friends weren’t used to this side of vin, and although most would find it annoying to hear him go on and on and on about this perfect girl he’d been seeing for only a short period of time, his friends were happy for him ; and dying to meet the mystery girl that’s got their best friend cheesin’ non stop.

it wasn’t too far along in the relationship that vinnie would bring up introducing you to his friends. they meant the world to him, and now so did you, of course he couldn’t keep you hidden for long.

you, however, were extremely nervous to meet the infamous group. knowing vinnie’s current living situation, you knew his friends would be around a lot ; so in your mind, if they didn’t approve of you, you could kiss your relationship — also known as the best thing that’s ever happened to you — goodbye.

vinnie assured you a million and one times that wasn’t the case and you had absolutely nothing to worry about. his friends would love you just as much as he did — well maybe not as much as vinnie did, that would be impossible, but a close second.

so here you were, sitting passenger side in vinnie’s mazda, on your way to his house to meet only a few of his closest friends — baby steps, as vinnie called it.

the car ride was filled with vin whispering sweet nothings to calm any and all of your nerves ; his hand on your thigh, as it was during every car ride you shared, giving gentle squeezes as to say a silent ‘i love you’ ; and short kisses pressed to your lips, cheek, forehead — anywhere vinnie could reach while the light was still red. it didn’t take long for you to become a blushing mess and forget all the worries that filled your mind only minutes prior. that was the effect vinnie had on you, and one of the many reasons you loved him — you’ve never felt more safe and happy with anyone in your life.

after a longer ride than anticipated, thanks to the constant bustling streets of l.a., you pulled into the driveway of vinnie’s gigantic home.

the anxiety you were feeling quickly came back to you once you saw just how many cars filled both the driveway and garage of the house — way more than you expected. vinnie could see you eyeing them while simultaneously doing the math in your head. he realized by the looks of it, it would seem as if there was a party going on inside when in reality, as he hurried to explain to you, most of those cars were his own — immediately causing you to let out a big sigh of relief. but wonder, how many cars does one person need?

being the gentleman that he is, vinnie opened the car door for you, holding his hand out to guide you towards the house.

before you made it to the front door, he paused, pulling you into a hug as he placed a kiss to the top of your head. “i love you and they’re going to love you, i promise. you have nothing to worry about, sweetheart.”

and vinnie was right, like always, he was quick to remind you later. his friends adored you.

jett was especially impressed with your knowledge on cars — little did he know it came from all the babbling you heard whenever vinnie visited you after just spending hours at the warehouse.

you originally planned on staying for only a little bit before heading to a dinner reservation, but the boys begged vinnie to cancel it, not wanting you to leave just yet. and how could vinnie say no to that. he was just thrilled to see his favorite people getting along.

instead, he ordered food for everyone and you spent the rest of the evening watching anime and playing games with the group — getting yourself into an intense game of mario kart with jack.

hera even joined the party and cuddled up right next to you on the couch, squishing herself between you and vinnie.

vinnie couldn’t help the smile that was glued to his face. his best friends, his favorite girl and his precious cat all together in one room — it couldn’t get better than this.

when it was time for vinnie to drive you home, the boys were already inviting you back over for a barbecue the following weekend. a barbecue vinnie didn’t even know they were having until that moment.

the following morning they were all telling vinnie how lucky his was to have found you and that you were definitely the one. even commenting on how they’d never seen him so happy.

[magics-neptunes-things]

She dares me

Hello everybody!

I had a lot of request for Lucy Bronze, so here am I trying one with her :)

I have some other writing in my draft tho, I try to decide which one I will post first but I have to admit that I write for the one who inspires me the most according to my mood of the day x)

I hope you'll like it anyway ♥

Resume : You take care of you stubborn and childlish girlfriend.

TW : None

____________________________________________________________

"Lucia Roberta Bronze, this is the worst idea you’ve ever had"

"But baby, she dared me"

You roll your eyes when you hear Lucy whine, before she gets an impressive coughing fit. Sighing, you hand her a tissue so she can blow her nose and you patiently wait for her to be able to speak again.

Sitting on her bed, in her room of her apartment, it’s been an hour now that you’re trying to take care of her. When she missed practice today because she was sick, you knew it wasn’t just a little cold. Lucy isn't the type to miss training for nothing or even to be fragile in terms of her immune system. She warned you in the morning that she was not feeling well, so after finishing your training, you hurried to find her.

After having assured you for a few minutes that it was nothing, she finally confessed to you that following a challenge from Mapi, she found herself all dressed in the Mediterranean Sea. In the middle of winter. Obviously she didn't have any spare clothes and had to make the way back wet from feet to head.

"In the meantime, Mapi only got wet to the calf, so I won."

You sigh again, looking at her with a distressed air. You are obviously in love with this woman, more than anything else in the world. But sometimes you have trouble understanding how she can be so spontaneous and childish.

"She also has a cold and I now understand better why Ingrid was giving her black looks every time she sneezed."

Lucy sneers at the news, probably playing the scene in her head. Despite yourself, you can’t help but smile too.

"But between Ingrid and me, she’s definitely the winner. Her girlfriend is not about to die of pneumonia."

"Not going to die of pneumonia" Lucy mumbles sleepily as she pulls up her sheet under her chin.

"How is it that in our both couples it's the youngest who are the most mature?" you ask rhetorically by putting your hand on her forehead, trying to find out if her temperature is starting to fall.

"Dunno. Maybe because you both aren't fun" Lucy mumbles before yawning.

"Maybe I should ask Ingrid to get in a relationship with me, at least we would be both not fun but happy and healthy?"

You pull your tongue out at her and Lucy slaps your hand, frowning at you.

"Hey! Don’t laugh with that"

"I’ll go out and get you some medicine. Try to get some rest."

Sulking, Lucy gets on her side to turn her back on you and you watch her do it with an amused smile. You kiss her shoulder covered with the sheet and slowly come out of the bedroom. You take the opportunity to tidy up some of the things that the English left behind during the day before going out towards the pharmacy.

The air is fresh and the night begins to fall, making you shiver. You make the round trip with a quick step, the face completely masked by your scarf and the hood of your jacket. It's with relief that you find the warmth of Lucy’s apartment and you decide to make both of yourself tea. You to warm up, Lucy to ease her throat.

A quick passage through Lucy’s room learn you that she sleeps deeply and you decide not to wake her. After preparing a soup in addition to tea, you sit on the couch with your hot cup of tea and your phone. After like one hour, your hear her cough again and made your way to her room.

"You ok?" you ask when you see that she’s awake.

Lucy nods and turn for her nightstand to take her bottle of water. You let her do it, making a quick trip to the kitchen to put on the tray that you prepared and the medicines. With your foot, you push the door of the room to open and you put the tray on the other night table. Then you lie down next to her, on the sheet.

"How are you feeling?"

"Terrible" she answers by dropping on her back on her cushion.

With an empathetic smile, you clear her face of the few strands of hair that block her eyes.

"I’m sorry I said you weren’t fun"

You laugh slightly before you lean over her to put a kiss on her forehead.

"I know, baby." You smile at her again before you put the tray between you two. "Your meds. And I think it would be nice if you ate a little"

You nod at the soup bowl and Lucy looks at it thoughtfully for a few moments before resigning herself to sit in the bed. Once she’s settled, you hand her the bowl and let her eat, telling her a few things that happened during training.

Then, when she’s done, you help her take her meds and drop her half-empty cup of tea on her nightstand.

"Where are you going?" she whines as you come out of the room.

"Do the dishes?"

"Fuck the dishes. I need hugs to get better, it was written on the leaflet of the medicines"

"Of course, I didn’t have to read the little sentence in the end"

You laugh and rest the tray to climb on the bed next to her.

"Exactly"

Her big smile when she answers you goes straight to your heart and you spread your arms so that she can cuddle up against you. After offering to watch something on television, you find yourself stroking her hair while watching Malcolm. When you found out it was Lucy’s favorite show, you were surprised at first, but you got used to it.

Not used to seeing Lucy so clingy, you take full advantage of having her for you in this state. Usually, you're the needy one between you two. But that's ok because Lucy never refuses you a kiss or a hug. And the best part is, you don’t have to feel guilty because the meds seem to be working and she feels better.

And her health will continue to get better, since after three days she is fully on her feet and back to training. The only thing that’s changed is that with Ingrid you promised yourself that you’d never let the two women go out by themselves again.

[hwascripts]

A Yandere Love Letter From Lucifer

Warning: Before hitting “read more”, be aware this post mentions toxic behaviours, threats of violence, blackmailing, unhealthy relationships- over all just dark content. This is just a piece of fiction, I do not support or condone this behaviour in real life. Chapter 20 spoiler

Wanna see more stuff? Hit up my directory

(I had this sitting in my drafts for a good week. I’m finally almost done with the yandere love letter series)

Hello, Beloved

How has the human world been treating you? Surely not better than I would here in the Devildom. Tell me, have you been able to rest easy since you...” escaped” me? Has anything been troubling you, little one?

Honestly, beloved, I find it quite humourous that you thought you could get away from me. Really, darling? You, a helpless little human, escape me? The Avatar of Pride? What nasty little pest put that silly idea into your pretty little head?

Trust me when I say I would have found you a lot sooner if it weren’t for the fact Diavolo kept me busy preparing for his annual ball. While I do see your attempt at “escape” to be slightly amusing, I’m incredibly irritated, little one. Why? That worthless, useless oaf of a “Fiancé” as you called him, was bold enough to steal something that belonged to me.

In case you’ve forgotten, little one, the moment you stepped into my office and sealed that pact with me was when you signed your fate. I made that clear when I took you into my bed.

Now here’s how this is going to work, beloved. You’ll return to me, your rightful Fiancé, and you’ll be punished.

Trust me, little one, when I’m finished with you, you’ll understand that you belong to me and that I am your rightful lover.

Do not keep me waiting long, beloved. You won’t like what happens if you do.

Your soulmate,

Lucifer

[blue-thief]

Ok. Thoughts on the Itoshi Sibs / their parallels with Isagi?

HELLO this took forever for me to answer because summer school and the sadness. as you know.

also i went too crazy with tying blue lock into my fixation with japanese nationalism so it got way too complex and i got scared but now i'm just gonna make that its own post (<- said the same thing about bsd. that analysis about bsd's connection with japanese nationalism has been sitting in my docs for a year now i think)

(smh this is what happens when the japanese imperial army almost wipes out your entire bloodline /gen /srs)

anyway. all that waiting to say that rin is... just some guy to me

usually a fw anime boys named rin. esp if they're the sworn rival of the plain protagonist. not necessarily this one though

i have no clue why he doesn't scratch my brain properly. he just doesn't. i need to spend a good three hours staring at the ceiling at night to figure that out

when you first sent me this i didn't really care for sae much either. now i do

that's how long this has been sitting in my drafts 😃😃

(i've written and scrapped thousands of words for this ask sob sob)

(this answer wasn't even formatted this way originally)

i've probably told you the story of how sae grew on me before but like

i don't plan out my fics right

i do play out random scenes in my head to test out if i like them or not

(shivers because updating my fic is another thing that is taking forever.......)

and i was just fucking around with random jokes kaiser and sae could say to each other

then i imagined sae smiling

and i was like "what the fuck... why is that so endearing........"

that was the turning point but it really was a lot of sitting and contemplating sae's character honestly

to really understand him and why he'd be friends with kaiser

and sae is kinda just like me frfr

that guy can't do anything other than soccer/football. he has nothing going on beyond that

and yeah. yeah... i get that.......

it's the reason why i like a bunch of other bllk characters but it's most pronounced with sae yk

(SORRY MR. SNUFFY)

and like. just his inability to be a normal fucking person 😭😭 too real

anyway those are my general itoshi brothers thoughts

now for the parallels part.

(this is the part that killed me and i wanna go more in-depth. but i'm saving that for another post. because holy shit my original idea was so fucking ambitious)

i had other thoughts and god i wish i wrote that stuff down

but the major thing i want to get into here is dependence

isagi is independent. soo independent it's kinda crazy

this was outlined most during the second selection with bachira where he had to learn to play by himself

meanwhile there's rin who seems independent on the surface

however, rin has always been dependent on sae in one way or another

when they were younger, rin was dependent on sae to take care of and guide him

rin also depended heavily on sae on the field

now that they are older, sae's attempt to shake rin off has just made rin's dependence on sae even more intense, just in a different way

rin's only motivation to play soccer/football had been to "crush" sae

...but now he's met isagi

and his obsession has found a new object

with the recent chapters, now we know he places isagi and sae on a similar level in his personal hierarchy, and his desire to destroy sae has bled into rin's feelings toward isagi

while rin has only one rival, the same can't be said for isagi

isagi gains rivals like pokemon, and while they have all played a significant roll in isagi's development as a person and a character, his obsession doesn't consume him. in the PXG vs BM match, he's doesn't fully comprehend the effect he's had on kaiser and rin

and mannn i wish i could find this analysis, but it's gone now

but someone compared isagi's desire to "devour" to rin and nagi's desire to "kill"

I WISH I COULD REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAID

but from what i remember, "devouring" someone is temporarily defeating them, but both parties ultimately improve so there's room for them to meet again and help each other improve even more

however, "killing" someone is defeating them completely so they're never able to play/improve ever again

which outlines the fact that while isagi can be a little bitch on the field, he wants his rivals to improve alongside him, and in the end, he wants the best for people (in terms of soccer/football)

which is why he never became overly-dependent on bachira and why he treats midfielders as actual human beings 😭😭

isagi is independent, but he pushes for the people around him to be just as independent

the itoshi brothers are different though

rin is codependent on sae, and you could say his hatred/obsession with isagi is a different type of codependency

but that thing about treating midfielders as human beings...

uh. that doesn't really apply to rin

sae is somewhat similar with how he "tamed" shidou but it's not THAT imbalanced lmao

there's also how the three of them are on different places of the striker-midfielder spectrum

in-universe and within the fandom, rin is perceived as japan's ultimate striker. his raw shooting power + metavision makes him perfect for this position.

however sae, another metavision user, is the perfect midfielder

then there's isagi who's tried emulating rin's play style at first but is ultimately most similar to sae, leading people to say that isagi is better suited to be a midfielder rather than a striker

while rin represents what the ultimate japanese striker is, something isagi is trying to reach, sae's path is one that isagi could easily fall down instead

many people have theorized that sae became a midfielder to improve rin's chances at becoming a better striker. sae may be considered to have a strong ego, but if this turns out to be true, that might not be the case lmao

errm. idk how to end this off. sorry for the wait sob sob

[cripplecharacters]

hi! i saw the ask you recently posted regarding the amount and date of asks currently in your queue, and im not sure if i understand the response fully. as you said your queue currently contains asks from early 2020, does this mean that at the moment the average time for an ask to be answered is about 4 years? this is not a complaint or anything of the sort, i understand and appreciate the massive amount of work you put into these answers - im just asking to know whether i should send in a question myself, as i usually dont work on building a character for several years, so i would just be burdening you with yet another ask that would no longer be applicable by the time of an answer. again i apologize if this comes off as rude and i really dont intend to be demanding, i just want to inform myself on how this blog works so i dont add to your workload needlessly. thanks for all the great work you do here!

Hello!

To clarify: The average time for an ask to be answered is NOT four years.

There isn't really an average wait time per ask since it differs so greatly but I'd say it's usually no more than a couple months? Somebody can correct me if I'm wrong though😅

Depending on the ask, it may be answered almost instantly and chucked into the queue or it may sit in our inbox for a while before somebody can get to it. This all depends on a few factors, including:

What's the ask about? If it's something that multiple mods can answer (Such as questions about autism, mobility aids, etc.), then it will likely be answered sooner. On the other hand, an ask about something more specific that fewer mods can answer (Such as progressive vision loss or albinism) will likely take a bit longer.

How detailed is the ask? If it's a question that's more simple and can be answered without as much effort/energy, it will usually make it's way into the queue quicker than a question that's more detailed/specific to the asker's story/characters, which will take a bit longer.

What topics does the ask deal with? Sometimes there are asks with heavier topics that can be more difficult to deal with. In my experience, I find that I have trouble spending too much time on these asks at once and I'll usually draft an answer and then go back to them after a few days.

This is by no means an official 'why your ask hasn't been answered yet' post, just some clarification and a few of my own observations but hopefully it's helpful!

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

Editing to add:

A huge part of why there’s such a big backlog is also that, for around a year or more, there was really only one active mod on the blog.

As you can imagine, this blog is kind of a lot for just one person to run. So the backlog built as it was much harder for just one person to do it.

For reference, we now have 10-11 mods, which helps us be able to do more questions.

Hope that helps for some context!

Mod Sparrow

[remusawoooo]

anon here, excited to read the essay! i asked you because i really like your takes and i see people in the more canon-adjacent parts of the marauders fanbase to complain about the extremes of the fanon one, though personally ive never really seen anything Too extreme, tho thats probably just tantamount to how well i curate my spaces i suppose (ive seen people say that fanon makes remus really “alpha” or makes sirius “bimbofied” and while ive seen hints of those extremes here and there, mostly it looks like it varies from person to person. ive just seen remus be more assertive than he probably is in canon, or sirius being more dramatic and “fem” than he probably is in canon). from what i know people like exaggerating events (the prank, etc.) or shifting some personality traits, but i dont really think thats a bad thing - i personally enjoy it. as long as they dont completely turn characters into stereotypes (though its a pitfall of every fandom, i fear), then whatever its just camp.

people are allowed to criticize stuff like that though, not taking that away from anyone, i personally just dont really care enough to be totally accurate esp since this hyperfix is kind of the bottom of the barrel for me LMAO. but i ask mostly bc im just curious to see what other peoples opinions are, and bc i think - especially in a fanbase like this - that its incredibly important to be at least a little critical with your media experience and reflect on it. saying “oh fuck canon we’re just having fun” is fine and all, i dont think anyone is stopping you, i think the personalities people have made up for characters that have zero screen time are super fun and the little ships are not everyones tea but like its fine. but even still, people should be way more aware of what characters theyre dealing with and from what franchise, and like reflect on any biases you may have. if youre making shit up for a random DE character, or retconning some sutff, okay, whatever, but be sure to not defend or like suddenly turn to really weird rhetoric. idk i think its the bare minimum in a fanbase like this

i definitely rambled way too much here, super sorry op! i hope this doesnt bother you, feel free to reply or feel free to not. i just really like hearing peoples thoughts on things, and i like your takes and your blog so i hope i didnt catch you by surprise. i really am just an outsider trying to look in LOL

hello anon, I'm sorry I lost your ask. I was writing on my laptop and saved the draft (but apparently had to press on alt, and didn't do it) so I basically lost your question and half of my initial response. Ty for sending in another ask!! Not a bother at all, i find this very lovely :D 

I was mortified to find that someone who isn't really a part of the fandom was perceiving me while I was complaining about fictional characters ahahaha. still, thank you for validating me and asking my thoughts on the mischaracterization of marauders!! I do talk about it daily, unfortunately, and without any prompt too. I'll try to gather all my thoughts here. I don't necessarily come across fanon as much as I did when I reentered the fandom and honestly, I can not be more with you about curating your space !! at the end of the day, I am just here to have fun, and really, pointing out these issues is not a good time at all! But I do post a lot about these, I can't be bothered to bottle up any thoughts lol.

I think the major issue I have with current interpretations is the underlying bigotry that comes along with it. There is a lot of unchecked problematic content that doesn't sit right with me.

Flanderizing characters in fandom interpretations is not limited to marauders fandom obviously. any popular media will face this because so many of us want to interact with one character so their traits are simplified for easier consumption and to find a common ground. this is also not limited to new marauders fandom. even in the older era, leather jacket-wearing, motorbike-driving quintessential bad boy siruis was a thing. so I won't nitpick on silly simplifications.

I just want to say that this isn't about me wanting everyone to have the same interpretations as I do about the canon. I follow so many lovely people and I don't agree with all of their posts. But, we all just simply share the love for these characters in the text and form an imaginary community. So, if we were to remove all the issues I will mention, it is still very well possible to have different personal takes.

Here are some of my issues:

Queerness, Gender roles, and misogyny:

My biggest problem is the representations of queer relationships. the fandom packages these couples in a strange and obvious heteronormative mold where the individuals fit into male and female gender roles. mlm and wlw are now an “f/m”* stereotype and characterization gets affected by the ships. Heterosexual relationships shouldn't have these limitations either, anyway. There is no one way to be a woman or a man. With queer relationships in particular, we have reclaimed the word queer now but it was used to describe the unconventional weirdness in the relationship. We didn't fit into the normal portrayal of a loving relationship. So, it really bothers me, even in fiction, that queer ships are popularly consumed in a way that represents a traditional template. (*this is not about gender itself but the gender roles! f/m can very well be queer!). 

Let's take the biggest victim in this fandom: sirius.

Sirius’ portrayal concerning his gender and sexuality has heavily changed his characterization in the fanon. We have a character who is popularly headcanonned as trans and is it a coincidence that all their traits have changed from the og material? Sirius is suddenly vain, whiny, and dumb. Canon doesn't suggest this interpretation, it has to have stemmed from somewhere. It's the implicit bias. Sirius becomes a caricature of what a woman “should be”. When we focus on sexuality, there is the suddenly short twink sirius who has the same new traits- proving the point of fulfilling gender roles. These characteristics are a stand-in for the “female” role of the traditional relationship and it becomes more clear in the example of new age wolfstar. Remus is now the big alpha stoic manly man- the obvious stand-in for the “male” role. I could go on, it is apparent in the way you can see remus becomes a caretaker and sirius is taken care of.

The point I am trying to make is not to discourage gender/sexuality hc. I love them, keep them coming. But, why is female sirius not tall suddenly? It is not inherently bad at all to have a feminine and masculine pairing! But why do we need to change the constitutions of these characters to consume their relationship?

I'll keep dropping disclaimers because I hate being misinterpreted: I don't obviously mean every single person is doing this or that doing one of the things means doing the other too. 

Race:

It is related to the point above. I was personally so excited to see the popular desi james hc. Even in fanon, I have never seen such a prevalent and encouraged brown rep, it was quite sweet to come back to that. But the problem is the change of characteristics that comes with race hc. Desi james is also a manly dude who is big and buff as opposed to the white petite and delicate regulus within jegulus ship. The melanin is directly proportional to the manliness here. 

This is a propagation of race stereotypes. Maybe jegulus was a bad example because usually there are seen as blank templates. I will raise the argument that this can't be all we can come up with for blank canvases then. Either way, my point about race still stands when you repeatedly design interracial queer relationships so they fall into heteronormative roles. Anyway, same issue with wolfstar when there is a brown remus.

Canon, JKR, and hypocrisy:

Refusing to engage with source material is funny when we are picking characters out of it. the interpretations of the characters will be from their book. otherwise, they are just original characters with the same name. you can add onto the traits and a lot of the time fandom comes to a consensus regarding a few things! This is common in every fandom but I don't think I have seen such reluctance to not only critically engage with media but also shame others who do. We are surely in special circumstances with this fandom but I really do think jkr and how we navigate the fanon should be two different things.

Most of us don't condone jkr or even remotely agree with any nonsense she spews on the daily. Most of us can see the problematic nature of even consuming this media and staying in this fandom. It is one of the reasons I even left the fandom. Most of us are simply doing our best to engage carefully while distancing ourselves from her. So, it is quite laughable when some love to take the moral high ground for rejecting canon while still engaging with the same characters. (the rejection of canon in question being sirius’ height, lol)

(Sirius' height is quite a polarising fact apparently. Unfortunately, the point about height is also discussed so disingenuously. When I talk about sirius’ height, it is not really about him being 6 or 7 feet. It will not really impact my life. It is about what it represents. He is bimbofied as he becomes short. It's an issue of "WHY" again.)

Of course, this isn't an accusation of intentional bigotry from everyone here. The problem with this fandom is that the people in it tell themselves that it is progressive and to run away from the problematic creator as much as possible. We are not progressive if all we do is co-opt queer and racially diverse identities on such a superficial level. The bias manifests in subtle forms. I just wish we check ourselves from time to time, that's all. 

There is a lot of hostility when we try to discuss issues in the fanon. Things are interpreted in the most misguided way to just win the argument. Like I said in the beginning, we all just want to have a good time. That also means creating a welcoming space for vulnerable groups (especially when the same identities are used to pat yourselves on the backs for inclusivity points). I didn't even cover everything btw, I just wrote about the issues that concern me. queer and poc also partake in biased representations, I also probably have some biases that I didn't identify yet. I just think it would be super neat if everyone tried to make an effort to unlearn and engage with media without hurting anyone. 

I have other issues but they are all just super subjective opinions and smth I can ignore when others do. ex: I really don't like giving tragic backstories to bigots in the story. Not every supremacist loser has a trauma that forced them into oppressing people! There is also "tropeyfication" of all major ships. Just an overall issue in the reading world I think, though.

Anon, I didn't mean to make it preachy in any way btw. You probably asked for a silly little rant and I went full lecture mode, so I apologize for the tone shift!! I mentioned these because every other issue can be brought down to these imo. Like you said, I also don't have any fixation on everything being canon-compliant. I only complain by asking about the thought process behind certain kinds of changes, if that makes sense! I hope this wasn't a drag really and you can see where I am coming from. If I misspoke anywhere, pls lmk. Thanks for sharing your opinions too!!

This is a long long rant, anyone who read everything, you are wonderful and patient. Thank you for taking the time. This huge post and the content can make you think, “who cares this much?” or “it's not that serious” and yaa it really isn't that serious. The characters aren't real but we all are. the identities projected are real. so, it does matter to talk about this.

Everything said this is a fun place to be once you find your own corner in the playground.

[roomwithanopenfire]

Happy Sunday Everyone!!

I've officially started spring break and I'm going to be in a car for a total of 11 hours Monday and Tuesday so I'll put my google docs in offline mode, take some motion sickness pills, and hopefully get a lot of writing done! However, spring break means being home which means I've gone to church for the first time in a long time and I'm having some complicated emotions there, so might as well throw myself in writing today and try to improve that mood 😅

In other news, I've finally finished the first draft of my Natasha Lives AU!!! I have a few scenes I want to add to the beginning and then it's off to editing. I hope to start posting before the end of March 🤞. Took a bit of a nose dive into Too Much Plot towards the end (still not a lot, but more than I usually have) so I had to write with the Carry On book next to me, hunting to find the canon info I needed. (Tried to google questions sometimes but it was not helpful, sometimes wish there was an easier way but 🤷 what can you do?).

Starting to get super excited to post it, but I want to do it justice with editing so I'm holding off for now. Sharing these little snippets helps to quell the urge to post the whole thing so that's something.

Here's sixish sentences from closer towards the beginning (I'm sharing everything so out of order afahlkjh):

My mother cornered me before I slipped out the door, and all I could think about was the protruding vein on her neck. 

“Basilton.” Her voice was cold. Her hand shot out and gripped my wrist. If she was surprised at the cooler temperature of my skin, she didn’t show it.

“Yes, Mother?” I asked politely—bloodlust doesn’t override good breeding. Not yet at least.

“Sit. I want to speak with you.” 

I pictured my fangs sinking into that vein.

Tags and more under the cut

Tags and Hellos: @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @facewithoutheart @run-for-chamo-miles @raenestee @artsyunderstudy @onepintobean @shrekgogurt @prettygoododds @monbons @thewholelemon

It's actually been so fun trying to be more active on tumblr and seeing all the notes and reblogs on my little snippets. Not to sound sappy or anything, but I do really appreciate all the kind words I get and I try my hardest to return the favor with reblogs 🥺 Idk maybe i'm just emotional today, but I really love this fandom and I feel like everyday I'm becoming more a part of it adsflkadjf. Anyways goodbye before i embarrass myself even more 😭

[jolalibrary]

Hello fellow scout,

I’m here on official scout business! I would love, love, love to know what your writing process looks like - do you meticulously plot out everything beforehand or are you a dash out ideas in note form and see what your characters are up to kind of person? Does everything get written on your phone or are you a big screen only kind of writer? Do you only get inspo first thing in the morning or last thing at night?!

I’d love to hear anything you’d like to share!

Much love,

Al 🖤

Al!! 🩷 i love this question, but i need to apologise now for how lengthy this is likely about to get, because your girl does not have a linear process.

for your eyes and ease, i have listed in bullet points:

sometimes, i need a detailed plot if there's lots of moving parts within the piece. so if there's lots of build up and i need to weave, then a chapter by chapter (but this isn't rigid) process needs to be built.

but often, I'll have the summary, and then i write the ending/last scene first. because then i have a direction.

i try to then write the beginning scene/opening chapter, even if it's the roughest (because first chapters and opening scenes are always - in my opinion - my weakest) because then it's there.

from then, i fuck about and find out. sometimes i know X, Y and Z needs to happen before i reach the ending, and sometimes a scene will pop up in my head that I decide needs to be in it, and so i then have to move things around to make it work.

if it's a series, I'll have a document of rolling ideas, a document of dialogue (dialogue comes to me easier than scenes) and then my plot. if it's a one shot, I'll separate the document into sections to achieve this so i can work in one place.

before i get into the gritty of it, i need to know my characters. for pedro boys, it's a little easier as I'll already have a concrete-ish idea of who they are, but the person they're paired with often i need to spend a bit of time with. usually they either come to me or i have to work a bit harder (use spotify to find their song, pinterest to find their vibe and play around with dialogue to find their voice).

phone versus PC: i write on both, i tend to find i can write my first draft on my phone - this does also allow me to move around rooms. sometimes, i start something in one room, and then need to sit somewhere else. i can write on my laptop, but the vibe and the mood needs to be right, but my phone doesn't need a lot of that. i can only edit on my laptop though, and usually in a quiet room (i'm dyslexic, so i dread to think what would happen if i didn't). when i edit on my phone, it's for a quick drabble and I'll spend so long editing that i give myself a headache... not ideal.

poor @goodwithcheese and @secretelephanttattoo know the wind can blow and i get inspo. i am somehow incapable of having ideas, it's just that some are like fun "OMG IMAGINE" and some are like, "i need to write this". but i can only write either later at night (post 7pm) or early in the morning (4am-7am) anything between 7-7pm has to be like so good i can't put it down. it does happen, but it's rare and special when it happens. (do me yourself is the exception, if i can squirrel myself away, i can write it, it's the most fun I've had writing in a really long time).

EXTRA BONUS FACT: music is always involved. i have playlists for almost all moods and some fics, and often, i can't begin something without a song. music matters to me a lot.

EXTRA EXTRA BONUS FACT: my commute is 30 mins each way and i usually turn over difficult ideas or issues in plots, and so this either leads to a voice note that i have to cringingly listen back to, OR a note OR, i work out i need to rewrite the chapter. ugh.

I am sure there's likely more jo-weirdness, but i feel I've talked so much, so i'm going to stop, but feel free to ask follow ups if I've not been clear hahaha.

ily, thank you so much for this lovely ask

[swordsmans]

i really enjoy all of your works and so i have to ask, how do you write such long fics???? or do you have any writing advice at all?? i have a lot of trouble focusing on writing cause i can't seem to find a flow to it- it's so impressive to me reading all of your stuff cause of how well the story progresses in such a neat way!

aaaa hello!!! first of all ahhh thank you so much!!! ahh!!!! i'm so happy you enjoy my fics!!! that means so much to me ahshlkdhjfsd !!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

as for writing advice... i dont know if i have anything specific, but some of the main things i do are 1) outline pretty much everything first before i start writing; i keep a big master doc with my outline + any ideas that may or may not make it into the story, and i dont start writing-writing until the outline part is complete. and...

2) i write out of order! i do something i call the spiderweb method, where i start with the climactic scene or somewhere in the middle and then work outward from there until i have the rough framework of a story, then i go back through and build on that skeleton... if that makes sense? someday ill sit down and explain properly how this works but basically!! yeah!! i never write in order! i just write what i feel like writing and then when my first draft is finished i go through from the beginning and clean everything up.

usually by the time i get back to the "first" scene i wrote, i change it entirely (its just a draft, after all), but ive always found it extremely helpful to know exactly where im going when i write things. if the "place i want to go" is already laid out, then working backwards through the "getting there" is much easier for me. even that isn't always in order--i tend to jump around a BUNCH!!! this is the main reason why i post stuff all at once instead of in chapters, heh. sometimes i write the very first scenes last!

i think struggling to find linear flow is a pretty common thing, especially when building mid-size or longer stories, which is why i tend to avoid it altogether during the writing process. its much easier for me (personally) to see the shape of a story when its in pieces, so i know exactly where to cut or where i need to fill in gaps!! and also... i think its just more fun in general to only write what you want when you feel like it, yknow? why torment myself trying to write X part because its "next" when today i really want to write Y part because im inspired, etc etc.

it doesnt work for everyone, obviously--and its definitely not a method you can do easily if you skip "step 1" (the outline part), but ive had good luck with it over the past few years and its made writing much more fun :3

[7wanderingpaws]

Hello after a looong time!

It’s been a very long time since I visited this blog.

As I’ve found quite a few asks sitting in the ask box, I felt like I need to write a post, hopefully reconnecting with everyone who still pays a visit to this precious blog of mine.

I am sure it’s quite obvious I haven’t updated anything at all the past couple of years. It feels a little back-stabbing writing this as I know many are waiting for fic updates 🫠 I am terribly sorry for leaving everyone hanging like that. I am even more sorry to say again, that I haven’t had time to work on anything, nor do I think I can ever manage again. 💔

I always thought I wouldn’t be one of those but here I am. 😔 if you’d like to read more, please open the whole post. If not, I totally understand why you would be upset, sorry again.

My life has changed a lot after I found a job that has very messy schedules. I don’t (and can’t have) any routines and when I don’t work I am recovering from work 🥹. My life changed completely.

And there is something I’d like to share with you 😊

I met someone very special. I know it sounds a tad crazy, maybe even cliché, but this man is everything green flag that I have ever incorporated into my stories (whether shared here or just sitting in my drafts on my laptop). Sometimes it gets almost creepy and I get scared he read my stories. Because how can someone tick off so many things? Say the exact things? He doesn’t do social media, so I know none of my muses are true, which makes the whole thing even crazier.

And the best part, he feels completely the same as me. I feel incredibly lucky and blessed, because for many years I was quite sure I wouldn’t find anyone with whom I can feel as comfortable, as cared for and as safe as I feel with him. Looks and personality are both just perfect for me.

And I think for years that I was writing, I was imagining how I’d like to be treated in a relationship, to have a mature partner who makes me feel giddy and at the same time is intellectually challenging (in a good way!) too. With him, everything just clicked. Turns out, this feeling actually exists, it’s not a complete romance book hoax hehe.

I am not even sure why I am writing this here, but since my stories are all romantic and very relationship focused, I wanted to share this with you. I am good, I’m trying to be an independent woman, completely accountable for her life, spendings, life-style. And now someone who is in love (thought it’s impossible).

If you read all the way here, I am wishing and hoping that you are healthy and well too.

[delopsia]

Hello! Happy Christmas! I just binged all of the Rhett x reader x bob series and plz tell me if I’m wrong but I’m a girl who loooooooooves angst, so. What does my fav thruple do in the event that they have a fight? I know they have a solid foundation but with 3 people together it’s bound to happen… so lmk! Thank you!!

Hello! Happy...not...Christmas 🧍‍♂️ hi, welcome to episode 457 of me leaving things in my drafts and forgetting about them.

They all handle their anger very differently, but there's a general rule that Bobby has instilled one general law for arguments. Take time away to cool off and go into a shared room when you're ready to address what happened.

Rhett blows up all of a sudden and then runs off. It only usually happens when he's stressed; he's akin to a volcano early in the relationship. Though he's recently learned to say something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm one inconvenience away from blowing up, I'm going off on my own, and I'll come back when I don't feel like a ticking time bomb."

He's mostly just loud during times like these, slamming doors and tears off in his truck to get some air, but he's clear in the head when he finally comes back. He's either the first or the last to venture into the living room to talk things out.

Bobby tries to concede at first, give up for the sake of everyone else, but Rhett's very, very good at calling him out on it, which then dissolves into actual arguing. But then, without warning, he shuts down mid-fight. One minute he's raising his voice, the next he's realizing what he's doing and suddenly can't speak anymore. He's very prone to darting out of the room, wide-eyed, unable to speak another word.

He's generally the most upset afterward, teary eyed as he apologizes and needing a good, long snuggle to truly calm down. There was a big blowout argument that ended in Rhett and the Reader needing a lot of cooldown time. But Bob came around incredibly fast and spent hours sitting on the couch, waiting for them, and dissolved into a mess of tears. He's a little bit fragile when it comes to arguments, and it's a big reason why post-argument times are so soft and quiet.

That being said, most disagreements are just small bickering. With three, there's almost always someone around to intervene or find a solution that the other two didn't initially see. It's a bonus of being vastly different from each other; there's a variety of perspectives brought to everything.

[twistedwonderlandimaginesblog]

HELLO!! I hope this isn't a rude question as keeping up a blog like this must be time consuming but I wondered, is there an order to the requests you write? A first come first served deal? Whatever sparks inspiration first or seems easier/more fun to write? Again not meaning to be rude and there's no rush whatsover, just curiosity.

Love your work <3

I'm more of a 'mood' writer so it's generally the ask that strikes my attention or that I find inspiration for when I read it over, sometimes it can be inspired purely by the characters bc I'll get in different moods and want to write for different characters

Sometimes an ask sent in the same day gets my brain going and I immediately finish the asks, other times there are requests that sit a bit longer. I try to go back and forth (like keeping a variety in the characters that are being posted for as much as I can), and I'll go look at older asks and try to focus on them.

There'll be times where the blog hasn't had a post in awhile so I'll go through and find one that's easiest to write/has less characters requested so it'd be easier to post just to get something out.

Mostly, I write parts of requests at different times, character based inspiration. If an idea is something I feel really fits for a character and I have an idea right away I'll type it out but it doesn't always guarantee i'll finish the ask, there's a lot of partially finished asks in the drafts that I'm trying to figure out good ideas for the other characters requested.

[landwriter]

oh menacing writer of the land, I bow to thee. forgive me for my intrusion, for I come to you with great reverence. might I be granted with the holy scripture of the musician!dream x professor hob au? I bring an offering of information on touring, musician life + music industry insight, should you so graciously answer my prayers 🙏

a handsome gift! the least I can offer is more twitter beef au!! most of this was written right in my tumblr drafts when I was still labouring under the delusion that was I was doing could be called "describe the fic you would write" - hob learns about The Diss Track. in his introduction to english lit class:

On Thursday morning, Hob is walking to his lecture, wearing his one sweatervest, because he can, thank you very much. Morpheus hadn't posted in over a day, and he supposes that's just the speed of the internet, and their little battle of wits is over. When he gets into the hall and sets his bag down, every single one of his students looks up at once. And several young people who - who are not even his students, he thinks.

"Right, hello class. Good to see you all here and keen on our last lecture before winter break. And welcome to the new faces as well. I can only assume you're here because of your interest in Marlowe."

"Oh my god," someone says at the back, loud enough for Hob to hear. "He's wearing the vest." He firmly reminds himself this is exactly what he wanted.

Amanda, who sits at the front and always does the readings, raises her hand. Hob calls on her in relief.

"Uh. Professor. We love Marlowe. But haven't you seen it yet?"

Hob had forgotten to silence his phone and it's started buzzing. He ignores it.

"Seen what," he says, very levelly. Smiling firmly. Not at all panicking. Ignoring his students' exchanged glances.

"The song."

"It's a diss track," says another student.

"Sorry, yeah, the diss track."

The entire lecture hall is faintly vibrating with anticipation.

"Is there swearing?" he asks, "I mean, more than I do in class. Anything particularly offensive?"

"No, professor," she says, understanding immediately.

"Well, I suspect I'll find it pretty quickly if I check my phone just now, and that only half of you are here for Marlowe anyways, so let's just put it on, shall we?"

Some kids actually cheer. "Enough of that," he says, "We're going to have a rigorous academic discussion about it afterwards." Then, because he cannot and will not help himself, he adds, "Presuming, of course, there is sufficient subject matter to engage with."

He pulls out his phone and fails utterly to hide his grin at the chorus of ooohs. Someone in the back actually shouts, "Get him, professor!"

Sure enough, the same video has been sent to him half a dozen times. He pulls it up, gets it displayed on the lecture hall's screen, and presses play.

“Alright,” he says. “Let’s see what all this fuss is all about.”

He has enough professional goodwill from years of teaching to do this kind of stupid thing, and it's nice to cash it in, sometimes. He likes to be the cool professor when he can. Even in a sweatervest.

He leans back against the lectern to watch. It's not Morpheus on screen, but a woman that Hob distantly recognizes. She's gorgeous, and apparently, given the rapturous whispers behind him, also at least a little famous. She's surrounded by takeaway containers, fiddling with her phone until music starts playing. "Good job, baby brother." She takes a sip of her beer and then wipes her mouth, and grins brightly right at the camera. "This one's for you, prof," she says, laughing.

Afterwards, the entire lecture hall is silent. Hob is silent.

"Holy shit," says a student, and Hob turns around, face burning. "She murdered you."

Hob gathers himself. He feels a little dizzy. It might low blood sugar. Or love.

"Indeed. Right. Well. Certainly a lot to unpack there." His hands are a little sweaty. It's definitely love. "This isn’t a classics class, but I know some of you are classics students and would be happy to educate us, so let’s start with that parallel made right at the start between the Lotophagi - that’s the lotus-eaters from The Odyssey - and the concept of academia as an ivory tower. Who wants to talk about that?"

Five different hands shoot up. "Wow. Okay, okay," he laughs. "Tristan, start us off."

In the next 80 minutes, he hardly gets a word in edgewise. He is, absolutely gloriously, playing discussion moderator instead of lecturer. Hob knows, feels it in his gut even now, that he will look back on this as one of the best classes he’s ever held. Students are twisting around in their chairs to engage with each other.

It is, he thinks, absolutely worth a bit of murdering.