#this post hit me really fast
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SAGESUNE MIKU >:DDD
#i rise from the dead once again!!#sorry about the long periods of time in between me posting#school is absolutely kicking my ass right now and i havent had any time to draw the creatures :(#ive also just been feeling unsatisfied with my art as of late#its probably just too much time online looking at other peoples art making me feel bad about myself#even though im improving as fast as i can it doesnt feel like im getting any better#but i know from experience that that feeling doesnt go away with time#so i guess ill always see flaws in my art no matter how hard i try to get better#man. that got really depressing :/#anyways SAGE!!! i love her she is my favorite of all time and im going to draw her so much yall dont even KNOW :D#ive got tons of other stuff planned too so watch out >:3#i could hit you guys with 6 paragraphs of au lore any day now#sonic the hedgehog#sage robotnik#AWWWHHHGG SHE HAS HER OWN LITTLE TAG IM SOBBING#anyways#sage sonic#hatsune miku#i guess#whoof im scared to post this#or maybe im just exhausted#probably both :/
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the training montage in crossroads re-ignited a headcanon i had of geralt waking up and doing gymnastics, performing kickflips and mid-air spins around on a fencepost outside an hour before sunrise to ‘limber up,’ and bleary-eyed dandelion wrapping himself up in a blanket to be like "heyyy... what the hell are you doing 💖"
#if you're wondering what kind of moves he's doing he's standing on a fencepost and doing your typical flexibility stretches#but alternating between reps of stretches with kickflips from one post to the other#like ciri training in kaer morhen#i'm not going to lie witchers are cool but fandom ruined them a bit for me and now crossroads has given me that childlike wonder back#because fandom heard 'physical ability and stamina' and did you know what with it#but the agility and precision of witchers remain so underrated. as part of the deconstruction of the superhuman trope#geralt doesnt really show off as much in the books and does cool stuff only when needed but#like when (mentioned) he hit the rat in the darkness with his thrown fork... as a party trick#and killing renfri's men in the market at blaviken... and killing the scoia'tael on thanedd#and RUNNING ALONG THE BRIDGE on the battle of the bridge#and the nilfgaardians were amazed and they WERE AMAZED AS THEY DIED!!!!!!!!#and killing rience's mercenaries who didn't know who they were fighting so they were like hey what the fuck... what the fuck#i'm literally back to witcher 101 basics here. nothing interesting to contribute but like a little boy i am just smiling and saying#'dude geralt of rivia is soooo cool he can like fight a bunch of guys with his sword'#half of me wants to seek deeper themes and half of me is just like YOOO GERALT SO COOL !!#listen... there is a time to plant a time to reap#a time to analyze and a time to geek#i should probably just watch a bunch of ballet or best of gymnastics comps and i'll find what i'm looking for#also sorry CROSSROADS OF RAVENS SPOILERS artamon dying was a hilarious moment i know it was like oooh this will have consequences#but it was nice to have the evil antagonist get merked in the sme chapter as he's fucking introduced#and not even by mature experienced geralt but by some literal eighteen year-old who he tried pulling a fast one on#1) i was happy that sapkowski didn't drag it out terribly. this was humorous and refreshing after in season of storms#2) geralt almost riding off but having a feeling to go back... listen i know it's so cliche and it's giving lady of the lake chapter 4#where he eavesdrops in the caves under castle zubarran and just happens to hear stefan skellen reveal that vilgefortz was in castle stygga#but it also was satisfying to me because after reading the hussite trilogy#where reynevan (stupid and young man; like geralt here) DOES NOT LEARN after several. SEVERAL lessons#i was honestly worried for a second that we were going to get a reynevan moment. but no. because this is geralt and not reynevan#and seeing geralt develop critical thinking skills in real time was not only satisfying but a bit funny#and yes nostalgiabaiting me#like omggggg yesss his detective skills yesss that's so geralt of him
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Signal of me with a sappy post after being gone for a long while, don't read it if you don't want to feel depressed

It's been a while since I've written something here honestly. I've been thinking more and more about Atsushi lately. The more time passes, the harder it is to accept that he has passed.
I've been wishing for him to come back. Anywhere I go, whatever I see, it reminds me of him. I know he spoke so much about mortality, despite him being afraid of death, he made sure we wouldn't be so scared.
I know he is Immortal, he is never truly gone. But I want to see him more. I want to see the world being kinder to him. He has suffered so much, I wish he could have had the rest he needed before his final sleep.
I can't stop crying. Ever since march hit I can not stop crying every single day. It's got to a point when I cry during work, in school, from seemingly out of nowhere. I tried not listening to BT to not trigger these emotions, but I feel even worse. Acchan's voice makes me so so so sad, but so so so comfortable. I cannot stop listening to BT because their music is the only reason I'm still here. No matter how much it hurts, I can't stop. But the more time passes, the more it hurts.
Reminding myself of seeing Hizumi more, his grey hairs, his smile, wrinkles. Seeing more of his beautiful lyrics, his charming voice, shy demeanor. The more I think about it, the more I despise how cruel this world is. But I know it's also so so beautiful.
I would not trade a single second of my life since the time I've found their music. It has been the fucking happiest I've ever felt, and I would never, ever, ever, ever wish for anything more. I keep thinking I wish I'd found them sooner. It's so so selfish of me, but I know, had I found them sooner, I wouldn't have suffered so much. I could have made more happy memories with the band, and maybe they could've been more overpowering than the immense feelings of grief I feel with every passing day.
I just don't want to accept this reality. And I have no idea what to do with it. This feeling, has absolutely no place to go. I try to express it in art, in my words, but it does not ease.
I've never met a person in my life I've admired so much. And not just for his physical appearance, or talent. But for the fact that he was so ridiculously human yet alien at the same time, no matter what happened to him. He was so vulnerable yet so otherworldy still. He made me see what humanity really is.
The ridiculous amount of love his spirit possessed and delivered to us through his music, his stories, characters, made me appreciate that I was alive.
Instead of hiding his humanity, including the dirty, nasty, vulnerable parts of it, he exposed it to the whole world to see, to feel seen.
It's as if for us, the regular people, to understand life more clearly, he sacrificed himself over and over on that stage. He lived a thousand lives at once. And by that, he helped thousands to live just one.
What I really want to say with this, I don't know. I just hate this world without you. You are probably able to rest now, but I wish it wouldn't have been so soon. I don't think I'll ever find anyone in my life half as beautiful as you.
I wish the whole world to see your beauty. But I want to see it too. It's just hard. I wish you'd still be here dear. I cried at least 4 times today. The flowers, that I included as the first picture, represent you and the way you shone light to many people's dark world.
By seeing you bloom, the small, insignificant, nameless flowers around you are beginning to slowly find their footing as well.
I just so, so wish we wouldn't have to do that without you. It feels like losing a parent, coming from someone who has lost a parent. How does one guide through life without the help of a guardian?
Of course, his guidance is still present. I know. But I can't help it. I feel like the hole in my soul grows deeper and darker. I don't want to ever forget you. I wish sometimes life would've taken me instead.
I love you dear Acchan. Lately, I feel incapable of promising you to continue living.
I just really, really don't know how to fill in this space you left here. The world is as dark and cruel as it ever was. Maybe you are lucky you don't have to witness all of this. But still...
I miss you so so so so much. I don't want to live my life without you. I wish I could've found you sooner. I'm repeating myself. But our time together was far too short. I don't feel unlucky, because I still got to meet you.
I just did not want to let you go. Buck-Tick as a whole finally felt like something I can hold onto. Something I can call "mine". I'll do that as long as I can. But your absence is felt really strongly. I wish you'd come back.
Love you




#Im coming here with something really depressing after a long while#I just can't hide my feelings#I feel like the “depression” phase of grief hit me a bit later than I expected#I just dont want to accept it nor can I#it's really#really cruel#Ive been hugging the atsushi plushie a lot lately#And looking at albums i own#and i just cry cry cry to no end#i wish to be more active here again but i just feel such over powering sadness lately that#i dont want to be fake or bring down the mood#but today i felt like expressing this#i felt like since the one year mark of his passing hit my emotions have been spiraling out of control#i dont know how to deal with it#it seems like an endless loop#but i cannot talk about the same things here over and over can i#i also made an analysis of subrosa and such but i never posted it#i dont know i just feel like#ahh i dont know#ive been thinking about how fast time has passed a lot lately and yeah#this world was too cruel for you dear#the flower is a carnation by the way 🤍❤️#this is also an update on whats going on w me lately if anyone was interested#ahhh i love buck tick that's it#haha i accidentally clicked the last hashtag but fits perfectly#Spotify
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(。・ω・。)ノ♡
#Alright I got tragically interrupted while watching it but I'm finally finished watching the episode!!#It's really really good both the animation and drawings are very detailed compared to the rest of the anime but...#The pace is so off :((( Like it's not the end of the world but ugh. It's unfortunate...#So many things just don't hit off as deeply because everything is moving so fast all the time and there's no time to process anything.#They won't allow you one second for the last line of a scene to sink in that the next scene's ost is already playing.#And like it's not even the worst crime an anime can commit I guess but still...#I wish they didn't. Like rather than make a 13 episodes season and squeeze the Sky Casino arc in merely two episodes it would have been–#a lot better to finish the season at the previous episode and make 12 episodes out of everything (so that everything could be better paced)#Like yeah maybe it's not the best season ending that there can be but... It's not terrible either‚ you have Atsushi saying the line–#“there's still hope” and the season ending there‚ that's pretty cool#I don't know why everyone feels like they have to rush all the time.#Guys do I have to be the one to remind you you make more money if more season come out.#Like how can the knowledge of Sigma being made by the book have any kind of impact when we've only known him for ten minutes.#Teruko's looking mad AND looking cutesy AND blowing up the landing zone didn't have the same comedic effect they did in the manga because..#It just happened all together! There's no time to process anything. Or maybe I'm just slow idk but I mean YOU GOTTA–#MAKE TIME FOR THE OPENING AND ENDING IN THE EPISODE c'mon man#Sorry I'm complaining it's actually good. I really really love Teruko & Tachihara. Jouno too!!!#I liked the Tahihara spotlight this episode... It's so cute to see what he's like when he's not acting– well‚ not completely I guess#Mmmmhhh.#Yesterday I read an interesting post on how a lot of early dc/mk wouldn't work today because the technology of the world has changed SO muc#I think a similar reflection can be made for the doa terrorist plot. Countries are pushing towards a complete digital money transition.#In 50 years or so coins may not be circulating anymore and today already the impact of this terrorist plot would be a lot smaller–#compared to when the chapters were coming out. I think#Well. Nice episode! Forward to next week! If tomorrow's manga chapter hasn't killed me before that#random rambles
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I grieve different (Everybody grieves different)
#With the superbowl performance being all over the internet I had to revisit this song#I love the contrast between the piano and the fast moving drum part#I remember how much the ending hit me as a young person experiencing loss and parents divorce and all that for the first time#I grieve different (Everybody grieves different)#It really spoke to me as a person navigating loss and grief for the first time especially in a post lockdiwn world#from the couch#for my archives :]#Spotify
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hi i found your blog through your gorgeous penguin arts that have been going around and i just wanted to stop by to compliment you on your art as a whole. i love your style so much idk how you do it but it straddles the line between simple and detailed in a way that gives your art a really sick elegance and ethereal-ness to it
anyways i hope you have a great day and i cant wait to see any future projects you share here :D
Thank you so much!! 💖💖 Very stoked that my stuff is giving off elegant ethereal vibes. The secret may lie somewhere in the fact that I'm insane and like to hone in on little details and only really like 2 brushes + I find I tend to render everything with a gem-like quality? I just like bling! But who knows! <3333 Glad you came for the penguins and are now sticking around for the whole kit and caboodle
#I was really figuring things out with the penguins because A) ive never had to draw that fast before and B) ive never drawn penguins before#But creature fans rejoice the zoo still likes me and ive got 15 more beasts locked and loaded i just need to decide on if im posting them i#batches or as one big pile again... its not 16 of the same species lmao ill probably group them#ANYWAY! im a tag talker and reader at heart so just know that Im really really glad lots of folks are liking the guins#nothing hits better then seeing a blog just plastered with penguins in my notifications. like YES! these are FOR YOU. ILY!!#I will also always be insane about my ocs so always expect more of them esp that damn lizard...
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One thing to know about me in the context of engaging with bee gee three is that I keep forgetting that my lad's weapons emit sunlight
#hablaty#bee gee three posting#I'm doing a*tarion's quest and everyone is like ''oooh this place is so dark and spooky''#and I was like girl where and then I remembered that I can turn the light off of weapons and then I had a double take#I never actually saw what the damned palace was supposed to look like bc my lad runs around with glowsticks 😂#to boot it also took me like 20 minutes to even talk to the spawn siblings earlier in the act bc once berci got close enough#they got hit with sunlight sensitivity and fled#and I was that damned slow figuring out what was wrong bc I forgot about the damned weapons#''but Adri they literally glow'' my eyes got used to it rather fast and then I just... didn't really see it
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Now That You've Lost Tomorrow (is yesterday still a friend?)
4.2k words of the Celann backstory in my head
Under the cut for length; not NSFW. Also leave my Jimminy Cricket ass alone, I was thinking about Disney narrators when I started this lmao. It wasn't supposed to be an actual piece send help
Ahem. (Tw animal death) (tw gore) [Minor edits made 8/28/24 and 12/27/24 (spelling)]
Born in the Northmoor of Breton High Rock, Celann aged to be a fine man. With a lively, happy home, he was a handsome, good natured jokester with a penchant for bringing smiles wherever he went. Be it through mischief at home, exaggerated peacocking (resulting in clumsy accidents) in front of his beloved fiancee, charitable work through the town, or the song on his lips, he was an easygoing presence that had endeared himself to the people around him. Life was good and grand: he had an easy, do nothing guard job in a happy little town to bring in coin, plans to settle down and start a family, and wanted for nothing between it all. But things started to change when his elder sister prepared to set off on her apprenticeship–dark winds blew in that he, that none of them, would ever recover from.

It was an adjustment for everyone with Jehanne recently absent; she'd been gone only a week, but the absence of fabric scraps and 'come look at this for me's, the messily kept tomes and quills that dripped ink, the prospect of not hearing another "you're being ridiculous, it's been weeks! Come join us for dinner!" and her high pitched, victorious cackles as she raced away, knowing she'd magically cleared up everyone's schedules by asking–she'd only been gone a week, but it felt an awfully lot longer than that. Celann kept up with his guard work in her absence and Charlotte, ever interested in his sister's seamstress and design work, had taken up the hobby when she wasn't keeping the ledger at Garnier's, insisting someone had to be leaving fabric in a house somewhere in Jehanne's absence–to balance things out, obviously, as all good magic is supposed to be.
Time passed this way for another week or so as everyone tried to reassure themselves that everything was fine; it was a large change, but they'd known for months, and they'll settle into this new normal soon and everything would be fine. But suddenly news came whispering through the streets of strange shadows passing by windows at night, shadows with no one to cast them, and soon enough the guards were being asked to look out for missing pets, small cats and birds that must have gotten loose.
Small cats and birds that were found far from their homes and butchered, torn apart but not eaten.
An uneasiness settled over the town as more and more of the creatures turned up, and "killer" was on everyone's lips. After a few weeks of disappearances and gory resurfaces, they began tapering off until they stopped entirely. Like any predator: from small prey to large–the guards instructed woodsmen and hunters, trappers and fur traders to keep an eye out in the woods for anything that didn't look like an animal had gotten to it first. It took only two days after the order was given for a horrified hunter to return with news of a torn, gaunt elk carcass, black with rot around the edges of the worst wounds. Next it was a boar, then a doe–then nothing once again.
Celann was tasked with joining patrols, increased in the wake of the animal attacks until investigators, who so far had found no leads towards what everyone assumed to be a fledgling serial killer, could find some hint as to what had been happening. Everyone waited anxiously for the inevitable first victim.
It came only a month after the shadow appeared.
Following loud, panicked shouts, Celann stumbled into an alleyway to find something hardly recognizable as human. It was pale, even for a corpse, and gaunt like the beasts had been–ripped apart and stained black at the edges, wounds rotting prematurely. He covered his mouth and looked away as he desperately fought against the thick, burning bile at the back of his throat, side stepping into a puddle of dried blood to let a more senior guard pass by.
When everything had been documented, after the corpse had been covered and the area sealed off–more for the townspeople's sake than the scene's–and they were given permission to leave, Celann headed immediately to the blacksmith, grateful for the harsh, painful way the smell and smoke of the forge cleaned the blood and rot from his lungs. He left with three sturdy daggers, weapons he grimly pressed into his family's hands as he made them swear to carry it with them. The protests died on all their lips when they saw the fear in his eyes, each taking it with the same gravity Celann presented it with and solemnly promising they would.
After only three days, there was another disappearance; another corpse, butchered and rotting unnaturally. He'd never possessed the same gift for magic most of his people did, but Celann knew enough–knew to fear the third and what it would bring, because there was no way this terror was only a man and threes were either a blessing or a curse. In the end, it was both.
When he stumbled on the third victim, it hardly occured to him that the man had anything at all to do with the last horrifying, supernatural month. He wasn't torn open like everything before, the ground wasn't coated in blood and viscera. He looked almost like someone who'd been lucky and gone in his sleep somehow–but when Celann knelt down to check if he was alive, he startled to see familiar jewelry and recognized the gaunt corpse of the book seller from around the block. His wedding band sat at an angle around a finger too small for the old, tarnished metal, and when Celann reached for his wrist to get a better look he touched something slimy and cold.
He distantly registered someone from the patrol calling out his name as he stared down at the red on his fingers, a steadily growing urge filling him with every beat of his heart to smear it off on the rough stones beneath him until his own blood ran hot and quick and erased the feeling forever. He clenched his fist instead–looked over at the boots beside him and pretended he hadn't just terrified himself as a second guard knelt with him to inspect the body.
It was Simon who found the most important thing the body had to tell them; Celann was busy wiping the blood off on his trousers and trying to get his mind working right again. A frantic tap on his shoulder got his attention and he looked up into Simon's wide, terrified eyes before slowly turning his head to see what he'd found. The gloved hand gripping the corpse's jaw slowly retreated, shaking, and Celann looked down to see two frighteningly neat holes at the side of the neck.
They shared a long, quiet look before Celann reached out again for the merchant's hand, praying desperately he didn't dig his fingers into disgustingly smooth, exposed flesh again as he avoided gripping the wrist to turn it around. Torn and bloodied, but the black edges were smaller this time. Cleaner, neater, less noticable.
They raced away burdened with news of a vampire preying on the town, searching desperately for the commander and whatever investigators they could find.
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The city was placed under curfew immediately after the news arrived, and patrols were focused for the dark and evening hours. Everyone was required inside and with at least one companion; a vampire could easily overpower a pair, but the hope was that, with no lone targets, it would resent the effort it would take to target anyone else. Guards were similarly paired and ordered not to stray from one another–the only souls out in the night needed to be vigilant. Celann thought about the daggers he'd bought his family, thought about Charlotte taking Jehanne's room at home without him there in the night to share their bed. He wondered what good those knives would be, what good his sword would do him, if the beast got insistent.
Heavy tension hung over the town for weeks after the news arrived. Curtains were drawn and lights were left burning outside as people hoped the creature would pass them by. Every sound was investigated.
After a week, after two, after a month… there was nothing. No pets, no woodland beasts, no disappearances.
The dread started to lighten as time passed, and after four weeks of no new attacks, the townsfolk had, to a degree, returned to life as normal. They were still sure to make it home before night properly fell, still kept a light on, but as the days went by there seemed to be a collective feeling that it had all been a nightmare, some trick of Vaermina.
Celann noted three absences with every pass through the town.
Nightmares didn't claim lives, and he worried at how quickly everyone let themselves believe any danger had passed. The bookshop was closed for a week, what with the owner being dead; he and Lotte liked to buy each other occasional gifts from there, and the darkness in the windows–always warmly lit and welcoming before–never failed to stir a sense of dread in him.
But then a second month was passing without any sort of attack, patrols returned to normal, and even Celann let himself relax. With how often the beast had attacked before, there was no way it would sit and wait for months. The town had been on alert and anything it would have hunted locked inside, but even the forests nearby had been spared. It had surely moved on at this point to easier prey, or either fled in order to avoid detection, he reasoned.
That reasoning was why he accepted the promotion offered to him: an easy, quiet job out at the watchtower, not too far from town and coming with a pay increase; he'd be replacing someone who quit, understandably, in light of the vampire attacks while they had been happening. The new station was a bit of a trek from the gates, at the edge of the forest, but the road was usually quiet enough and the pay was enticing so he agreed. Fresh air, new faces–it sounded like a nice change of scenery, anyway.
It took a few mornings–early, dark, quiet–to adjust to all the rustling, and Perrette teased him for it, but they got on well and she explained their duties simply and easily. They arrive at midnight and they're relieved around breakfast, and spend their downtime chatting or pretending they weren't falling back asleep. Celann never bothered her when she did, and she returned the favor when he was half asleep, half awake, never quite able to properly sleep in the tower.
It was early, a week or so after he'd started, and he was tired; he'd been resting with his head pillowed on his arms at his desk, lost in that dark, semi conscious haze. There wasn't anyone out at this hour, with the moon still so high, and he paid no mind when he hadn't heard Perrette for what should have been a suspiciously long time. She was probably playing cards and he was just resting, after all, not falling asleep like his coworker did. If anything popped up they could handle it.
Just resting is why one eye opened blearily at a sound outside, a sound Celann had only half heard and had already forgotten by the time he was looking at candlelit paperwork. He kept it open a bit longer, listening for any other sounds, then let his eyes close again, shifting in his seat to get comfortable. Nothing, just the dark and the quiet–but as the seconds passed something settled heavy in his chest, had suspicion creeping into his head, and he sat up to look around.
Nothing. Just the dark and the quiet. He slowly stood from his chair and breathed deep, waking himself up as he glanced around the inside of the watchtower. Perrette wasn't at the window, there was no humming or the sound of cards, like he'd expected. The deck was, however, still out on the windowsill, game partially through, and when he moved closer he spotted a few that had blown outside. A familiar dread settled over him as he looked down at them, caught in flower stems and other growth that kept them from blowing farther away.
The moon was still high. Perrette was not here. She was not with the cards she carried in a little box as a gift from her lover, hand drawn with curling letters on the back. It was quiet. It was… unnaturally still, Celann realized. He stared out through the window at the road as his hand moved to the hilt of his sword. He listened. Something moved in the undergrowth behind the station and he quietly crept his way to the–open–back door.
A black hare greeted him at the threshold, a bloody, mangled carcass with its white ribs exposed to the moonlight. The smell of rot hit him and his face twisted; his sword scraped against the sheath as he drew it.
Vampire.
Celann didn't know where Perrette was, what had happened to her, but he doubted the beast would leave a display if it wasn't waiting. It hadn't left. He stared out into the woods and swallowed, listening and hearing nothing. Nothing. His heart beat a terrified rhythm behind his ribs as he stepped outside, stepping carefully over the carcass and into the night, heading hesitantly for the woodline.
He'd hardly stepped through, heel snapping dead leaves and trampling plants–sound, something BURSTING forward, a scream–
He managed to put an arm between them, elbow digging into their chest, pain, hot, claws and yellow eyes. His heel slid back in the dirt as the creature strained against him, screaming and snarling and gnashing bloody teeth inches from his face. The hot smell of blood and decay hit him in the face and suddenly there was a fist in his hair, pulling painfully and jerking his head to the side–it vanished as soon as it appeared and Celann watched the vampire stumble back, face twisted in betrayal.
His own twisted to mirror it as he stared at the disfigured visage of his sister.
Jehanne.
She was clutching one of her hands as if injured, and he noticed a small, circular brand pressed into the heel of her palm. The shape of his earring, a small piece of silver resting by his jaw.
Those two moments stretched into forever then minutes suddenly blurred–claws, pain, BEGGING, being thrown, his shoulders slamming into a tree.
Celann blinked blood from his eyes and raised himself onto a shaking arm, catching his breath as he reached for his sword. He noticed she'd torn through his sleeves; the cloth was dark and sticky with blood, and he could feel the edge of his mouth throbbing, the skin around his lips torn open with a nasty downward swing of her claws. Jehanne was pacing agitatedly, glaring down at him and spitting to herself as he pushed himself to sit in the undergrowth. His head was throbbing dizzyingly, shoulders on fire from the impact, and he could feel something hot and wet snaking its way through the short hairs at the back of his neck.
Celann staggered to his feet, leaning against the tree for support, and let out a shuddering breath as he held his sword in front of him. Trying to evaluate.
She wasn't uninjured herself, not that it did him any good; he'd mangled one of her wrists and she'd still thrown him like a doll. He'd cut and sliced and stabbed and she was standing all the same, and they shared a mutual look of despair. Some mix of emotions flashed across her face, faintly illuminated by what moonlight breached the canopy, bright eyes wide as her lips were parting and she was clawing at her face, fangs glistening, then– "But we're family!" she wailed
The world went quiet.
Realization hit him, then. Cold blood. The world became the woman in front of him. He couldn't let her leave. Horror. Couldn't let her live. Agony. She'd kill them all. Kill her first.
He wondered how many times his sister must have crept past their windows, how many nights she must have watched him from the forest. Family. She'd kill him if it meant turning him, kill them all if he couldn't stop her.
Jehanne took a step forward and spread her arms invitingly, one wrist hanging at a sickening angle. Another step when he didn't immediately move, a sweet smile on her face, then lunged–steel and blood and pain and screams. He couldn't hesitate, couldn't go easy anymore. Blood flew from his blade as he drove it into her heart–vampires need to be stabbed in the heart–once, twice, a third time. He staggered back and tensed, waiting for her to somehow still be moving, dizzy with blood loss and buzzing with adrenaline.
He distantly watched her head slump against the ground, face half pressed into the dirt; glowing yellow eyes went dim and returned to a familiar brown. He watched, paradoxically, as she regained some color, despite being dead. Dead. He looked at glassy eyes and felt far away. Trees and green growth and blood splatters came back into view, but it was someone else's view, someone else's eyes. They laughed, whoever it was, desperate and manic, and dropped his sword as he stared at his sister's corpse. Something was screaming about it, somewhere inside him, but it was far away and muffled, a mile away.
Celann stumbled on suddenly weak legs towards the nearest tree and let himself collapse to the ground against it, staring at her face until it blurred. Everything blended together, and all he knew was that he was cold. He distantly remembered he was bleeding, but the thought vanished almost instantly into the gentle fog that was clouding his mind. He shivered, he thinks, and then thinks nothing else as he sits on the forest floor beneath the moon for hours.
He doesn't register Perrette stumbling out of the watchtower, only partially realizing she was yelling at him at all, even as she knelt beside him. He came back to himself when someone was snapping incessantly in his face, when irritation managed to stir him into some faint awareness. Simon was kneeling in front of him, eyes wide with fear as he gestured at the people around him. They descended upon him, quiet and gentle as they hauled him to his feet, and as he was half dragged, half helped back to town, all Celann really noticed was that it was morning. The sky was a pale, misty yellow–sunrise. Morning. The night was over. The night was over but he would live with what happened in the dark forever.
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He had nightmares every time he managed to fall asleep, shepherded into the temple to be healed and watched over. Breathing was difficult and he assumed he was dying; he was only a little concerned at how okay with that he was. A stranger visited him on the third day after the Incident and the priestesses allowed her to feed him something from a vial, some liquid miracle that ended the worst of the night terrors and let him breathe easy.
There had been a newly made vampire den nearby, she explained when he woke again, and Jehanne had likely been taken the day she stepped out onto the road. Her voice was factual as she informed the temple they'd all been taken care of, but there was sympathy on her face as she looked down at the shadows under his half vacant eyes. She hunted vampires–and other daedra–she'd said as she left; there was something he didn't like in her tone, something knowing, as she closed the door behind her and told him she'd be staying in town for a month or two.
He was sent back home later that afternoon, back to he and Charlotte's house, but everything felt… strange. He felt like he was intruding on his own space, in his own house, in his own bed. Lotte was being patient, but the pain in her eyes when she looked at him sent a spike through his heart. Blood. Breaking bones. He supposed he deserved it after what he'd done, though even he could tell she very genuinely didn't think less of him for it. But she handled him gently and he missed her smiles, missed making her laugh. That solemn look didn't belong in her eyes.
His parents visited twice, to make sure he was healing alright, but there was a distance between them that had never been there. They'd raised Jehanne for 26 years, their daughter, you killed our daughter, what kind of man kills his own sister? It was never said, of course, but he could see it in the tension on their faces and the stiff way they held themselves near him.
They declined both times to stay for dinner.
Celann couldn't move on. His family thought he was a murderer, his fiancee was no longer living with the man she'd gotten engaged to. Something in bim broke when he thought about it, that they were supposed to be married in a few months. He'd been over the moon about it, wouldn't stop talking about it to anyone who listened, even if they weren't really, but the hush that had fallen over the house as Charlotte gave him the space he'd started needing felt like an ill omen.
Two months passed of feeling like an outsider in his own life and he was saying goodbye to her. She refused to break off their engagement, said he felt guilty and was being stupid, and as he tried to promise not to darken her door again she told him for better or for worse came before the wedding vows and if he didn't at least write to her on his trip with this mystery woman she'd find him and drag him back home like a runaway boy.
It… hadn't been what he'd planned on. He hadn't planned on returning or writing at all, had planned on removing himself entirely, no longer the man she'd intended to marry and pained at how she was caring for him. He hadn't told her about meeting the woman from the temple, either–but people talked and Lotte was good at listening, and he wasn't as surprised as he could have been. He had mixed feelings about the indefinite engagement, but if it was what she wanted he'd let her have it, like she was letting him leave because he needed to. They looked after each other like that.
Perrette, on her part, when he found her at breakfast, immediately told him through a mouthful of jam and toast where the woman from the temple was before standing and pulling him into a hug. She pressed a small wooden box and a dagger into his hands before wishing him well and telling him to hurry, because the stranger had been packing her things last she saw and getting ready to leave.
It turns out she had left, hours ago, but Celann found her waiting expectantly outside the gate just off the road. She was sitting with her own breakfast with a second placement set up for him, and he once again didn't like the knowing look in her eyes as he sat down. She explained, eventually, that she was with the Vigil of Stendarr, and had been sent with two others to investigate rumors of vampires in the area. Jehanne had been an opportune victim, out alone on the road so early in the morning; the vampire had been trying to start a clan and needed bodies to fill the seats.
He'd almost been one of them. It was a matter of hours, apparently.
Again, she assured him they were all dead and asked if he intended to join her and her companions on the road–if he had seen what chaos and danger creatures like vampires pose and wanted to take up arms against them. He didn't answer, and she didn't demand he give one; they ate together in silence again and she didn't comment on the way he'd glance back at the gate every now and then. The guard on duty would give a little wave each time, a sad look on his face, and so Celann looked less and less until he didn't look again at all. He was leaving, after all; something deep in him was different, had shaken him out of the life he'd had, and he was moving on. There wasn't room for whatever he was in the space he'd made for himself anymore.
A few nights later he would untie the ribbon around that little box Perrette had given him, far away from town, and open it to find a clumsily hand drawn set of cards with little messages penned in her handwriting on the back. He turned the fool around to see a scribbled portrait of himself amongst the scrawled decoration; the back of every queen was a rough sketch of Charlotte. He put them gently back in the box, retied the ribbon, and ignored the look Freyja gave him as he slipped it back into his bag.
He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, again, without a body next to him.

"For those who cherish memories of loved ones, their compassion often conceals the beast. Our compassion compels us to destroy it."
#skyrim#celann#dawnguard#writing#i really need a personal writing tag hmm#also yeah i was thinking about like. disney narrators. when the camera is showing the village or whatever#idk something new#anyway if basically everyone in skyrim is a man im making everyone in celanns backstory a woman. i make the rules#also dw about the engagement im a polyship celann truther#whos going to stop me#my last dnd character was named moore and i thought moore/less (pre/post canpaign trauma) was such a funny joke#celann went from moore to less real fast#anyway i think this was in my docs for like two months and then i wrote almost the entire thing in two days bc ao3 was down#so. my hand was forced#also im just dropping in the tags that if celann hadnt gone off on a murder journey hed have been kinda okay#but where does that leave us#no sad little man in fort dawnguard#i killed someone > im a killer > killers can only kill > i killed someone#etc its a vicious spiral#k one last extra before i forget but gunmars line at the end is what slammed the last piece of the backstory puzzle together#and the linked song is the title source#i think that covers it all#ive obsessed over every detail of this post long enough im hitting post aldnaonskw
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I have so many memory issues but people rarely believe me because my brain also has random access memory that is made incomprehensible to all mortal beings on account of ADHD brain. Like, no I cannot recall what I did for a year of uni in 2020/2021 but I will randomly recall the exact location of this random item I acquired 10 years ago. Where is that item you just had yesterday? Uhhhhhh no clue all knowledge of that thing left my mind the second I was no longer touching it and I don’t even remember putting it down
#lunar lullabies#i’ve started dating everything I can because it’s kinda scary how fast I lose all concept of time#i constantly feel like an imposter taking the place of previous versions of myself that have no idea how to be that person I used to be#so I cling very heavily to certain aspects that I know I’ve liked for a long time as a lifeline#not necessarily based on memories of liking that thing but more so because I have books and objects that relay that info#honestly if someone took away everything I own and replaced it with new things I’m honestly pretty sure I would lose all sense of who I am#as a person within like a few months#saw a post about amnesia issues and it kinda just really hit me how little internal sense of self I have#it’s like trying to piece together a 10.000 piece puzzle with only a handful of pieces and a few partial photos of some corners
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👑
#man looking at all these missing moment requests has me wishing I could pump fics out as fast as I used to#I was posting like once a week or every two weeks.#what happened to me#now I can barely get a 6k chapter out in under a month?#it's sad#and a bit disappointing#I just see all the mm requests and I wannnt to write them#i really do#but when I sit down to do it#I feel literally now inspiration#ughhhhh why is writing so complicated#i was feeling so inspired to write today and then out of nowhere I hit that wall again#I miss season one yr days#life was simpler then#personal#delete later
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[image ID: a screenshot of a discord chat with username “wenge (when-gay)’ carrying out a one-sided conversation expressing her reluctance and fears regarding driving at 1:08 a.m. the other person in the conversation’s responses are not shown]
#when your boy politely suggests you move to the next difficulty level in driving#we were both speaking but i was typing my answers because i dont have my voice right now#i think in order he said 'you need to learn to drive faster' & when i asked how fast he said first 25 (wont kill me) then 40 (will kill me)#he then said we move from 40 to 65 to which i hit him with 50 50 50 what happened to 50#the keysmash happened when he told me to drive to his house#in other words you can see the moment my brain short circuited#i normally feel bad sharing text conversations but i dont feel bad here because its only my responses#the only one being blasted is myself for being a cant drive gay#i get that there arent many 30 zones but 25 to 40 is a lot okay#i went on a 40 road exactly once and it ended quite terribly. scared the driving instructor#why do highways have to exist why do highways have to be 60+ zones why me just why#i said merging because i thought that would be the next difficult skills to tackle and he was like um no#and hit me with the 'you need to learn to make turns at more than 2mph before you worry about merging lanes neo'#25 to 40 is a lot and im not even on 25s yet i am still in 10mph zones. i have to graduate up to 25 still#we started on 25s and he was like hmmmmmmmm maybe i over estimated you lets go to the 10s#like a disappointed teacher discovering the kid who bragged about ice skating actually cant ice skate at all#i cant drive i cant dance i dont know karate.... face it... im never gonna make it#neo rants#photo post#i know i need to drive and not hide behind mcr references but i just really dont like driving#i will get there slowly but surely but that doesnt mean i cant whine and cry about it on the way there#like sailor moon intended#also i took 3d6 psychic damage because after all the fighting about the plans for the car he suggested my own original idea to me#my idea was to leave the car with my mom and now hes presenting this idea the very first idea i suggested as if he came up with it#i cant live in this society
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I gotta figure out the fighting styles for my Fucked at Five crew. Here's what I have so far. Ian and Elliot's definitely have a chance of changing. These mostly apply to their human and partially morphed forms.
I already know Saz is more of a grappler and up close kind of fighter. She'll tackle, she'll pin, she'll keep you in a hold, she'll throw you. She's got a background in wrestling. I really think bro would benefit from some Judo training. Saz can throw jabs but she doesn't really kick. If she did kick it would be a low kick. Something to try to knock you off balance, or just weaken your stamina in general.
Julie is a really aggressive fighter hence a lot of her attacks are really direct palm strikes. She has fucked up her hands throwing close-fisted punches and really tries not to do so (which is some reasoning to why fighters hands are wrapped or in gloves if you rely on close fisted punching). I feel like I need to incorporate her legs more. And her morpher trait is why I'm saying this. It needs to be difficult to keep a grasp on her. Will do whatever it takes to win. She'll claw before she bites but that doesn't mean she won't bite.
Ian I'm thinking more boxer. He'll at least wrap his hands wrapped before most fights. He's tall he's built and I think he'd have great reach. Can use weapons. Has used weapons. Doesn't like to use weapons. Arguably also an aggressive fighter. He's strikes feel persistent, he's throwing punches even if they don't land. But they're all powerful. Some taunting used. But considerably less stamina than Saz. I'm gonna look into a martial art called Dambe. I think that'll fit pretty well actually. Also I saw something about Takanakuy and it looks cool. Casually sliding that over as a potential fighting style match too.
Elliot I'd think is really a mix. He can and will use weapons, usually his antlers if they haven't broken off (Lol or if they have and he has access to them). He will aim for weak spots and focus on them. Can be a bit of a trickster (will attempt to anyway) anything to break your focus. I'd argue he actually is more of a kicker than a puncher. Arguably he's the weakest of the four of them so his jabs would typically use his elbows as opposed to his hands. Yes he has hurt himself doing this. No he will not stop. He'd bite without a hesitation.
#writeblr#just some thinking#Think I'll be doing some more up close fighting studies#<- doesn't bother me I love a good fight scene#I think I need to go back to my staring at mma and ufc days#But the last fight thing I posted “Julie kicks Saz's Ass” actually came out really well#And I completely was winging the fight style for Julie I just knew I wanted her to be a fast thinker#and a powerful hitter that hits with a purpose#She's typically not throwing out wild hits#Ah shit I'm geeking out in the tags my bad
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i think my goal for the foreseeable future is:
✋ Slow It On Down Now Bitch™ ✋
#whiny baby post#which is to say taking things slowly even if i want the results right now#or to rush through something because i don't really want to be doing it#but i get so stressed out about things when it's literally just me putting pressure on myself for no reason other than Gotta Go Fast#like yes finally i have some freedom in my life to get done the things i want !#so i have to do All Of That Right Away Before Something Stops Me Again#but that's silly because even if god forbid i hit another unavoidable roadblock#those things are still going to be waiting patiently for me to return#anyway all this to say im taking weekends off of studying and slowing down my exercise routine
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DPxDC Recount Your Kids, Batman
[A loose continuation to this post]
Talia doesn't visit the Wayne manor. At least not regularly nor officially. All the batkids and Batman know she comes sometimes, just to check up on Damian and maybe bother Bruce from time to time, but this is the first time she has ever shown up to a dinner.
And, as they all take their seats, she gives Damian a long curios glance. Then, she looks to Bruce.
"Is that everyone?" She asks, easy and lighthearted. One might think she is simply not acquainted with the number of Wayne children or that she is teasing Bruce on the sheer amount of them. But Damian is looking down to his plate, and Tim knows for sure Talia keeps up with Wayne's head count, and Dick is fairly certain Talia would never tease Bruce, at least not so subtly.
It could have been some sort of a hint at Jason. If he was not here, that is. But he is, for once, so this is really all the family at one table.
"Yes?" Dick tries, looking around the table just to make sure. Steph and Babs are not here today, but that's definitely not what Talia could have meant. Bruce also looks just a little confused, which is a nice change of pace since he looked guarded and on edge from the very moment Talia showed up.
The woman hums, her eyes studying Damian. The youngest bat keeps his gaze down on his empty plate. No one really understands what's going on, but they all feel like there's something important and heavy hanging in the air.
Then, Talia stands up and turns to Alfred, "We will be dining later. It has come to my attention that kids are a lot more secretive than I thought," she explains cryptically and smiles at Bruce, "Beloved, will you come with me to the training grounds? I have something to show you."
Bruce doesn't move for a long moment, and Talia's smile becomes almost gentle, "It's about your son."
At least that makes the man move.
When they get down to the Cave - since Talia insisted this was not a matter that could be resolved in the manor's training room - it's not only her, Bruce, and the little bat there, of course. The whole family was way too intrigued, and some were even alarmed.
The most alarming part, though, was the fact that Damian had been uncharacteristically quiet on their way down. Yet, when Dick looked to Cass, she just shook her head slightly. The boy was not worried. To Cass, he looked almost resigned, if a bit displeased.
"Your sword, Damian," Talia commands, and the boy presses his lips into a thin line.
"This is not necessary, Mother."
"It is," the woman looks amused, but there's an underlying layer of concern to her tone.
"...Yes, Mother," Damian nods his head on what feels like surrender and takes his katana. Not the training one, the real blade. Bruce makes a soft, alarmed grunt, but Talia waves him off.
"Not to worry, Beloved. I will not harm our brethren."
She doesn't take a stance, nor does she pick out a weapon, simply lunges for Damian as soon as they are both on the mats. Two daggers seem to appear in her hands out of nothing, and, contrary to her words, her aim is towards Damian's neck. The boy blocks, jumps away, and blocks another attack.
Tim steps closer, "You can't just-"
"Step away, Drake," It's the first time Damian has spoken to them since they've sat down for dinner. His voice is tense, but not derisive. If anything, it sounds a bit tired.
Talia lunges for him again, faster, meaner. Metal clings against metal.
"You understand this can not keep going, my child," she tells the boy, startlingly gentle on the contrary to her definitely dangerous strikes.
Damian doesn't answer.
The rest of Batfam are forced to simply watch the encounter: Damian is mostly on defense as Talia goes for him, harder and harder with every hit. Until, without any warning, the woman strikes for Damian's arm, making him drop his katana, and-
A few things happen at once.
Talia lunges for Damian's throat. Bruce jumps onto the mats so fast that he almost trips. Tim yelps.
But Talia's blade doesn't strike.
A figure of another child, eerily similar to Damian and wearing the League of Assassins uniform, is standing in front of the littlest bat, two crystal clear blades in his hands, blocking the dagger.
Bruce halts midstep. The rest of the family holds their breath.
But Talia simply smiles and drops her daggers, backing away and looking at the boy between her and Damian with a fond gaze.
"Danyal," she greets, and the boy huffs, lowering his weapons. He doesn't drop them - they simply dissipate in the air, turning into tiny snowflakes.
"Mother," he greets back begrudgingly, and his voice is the exact replica of Damian's. A clone? No, because Damian reacts to him nothing like he had to the clones, simply clicking his tongue and rolling his eyes.
"You could have simply asked, Mother," he comments, taking a step forward and stading near the other boy. Danyal. When standing side by side, they look nearly identical - same facial features, same posture, same hair, even if Damian's is a little more tame.
But Danyal's eyes are just a few hues off. Still green but lighter than Damian's.
"I assumed if you have spent years living here and never bothered to mention your brother, I would need a little more than asking, my love," Talia doesn't laugh, but it sounds like she wants to. Both boys roll their eyes, perfectly in sync.
Hold the fuck up, brother?
"Huh. I thought you died," Jason mentions offhandedly, and the whole family whips their heads to him. Yet, before any of them speak, it's Danyal who answers.
"I mean, I did? Kinda?" He waves his hand in the air and shrugs, and he acts so unlike Damian while also simultaneously having his face, that it makes Tim shiver a little.
"You-" Bruce starts, seeming to finally find his voice, but the boy cuts him off.
"I'm not actually yours," he snorts at Bruce's facial expression, "Yeah, I know I look like I am. Blame the ghost sewers, Chronos, and my stupid ass for making decisions while not being fully awake."
There is so much to unpack in that sentence that no one has the barest of ideas on where to start.
Damian curves his lips down in a sneer.
"The longer you stay there staring, the colder the dinner will be when we return," he reminds them, and Danyal suddenly perks up.
"Dinner? Can I join? It's been ages since I've had anything home cooked," he smiles, like there's some kind of an inside joke in that sentence. Damian rolls his eyes.
"The food doesn't come alive in this household, Danyal."
"Bummer," the boy looks a bit disappointed, but not too much. "And it's Danny, for the thousandth time."
Talia picks up her daggers, hiding them somewhere in her clothes in an unnoticeable motion. Then, she gives Bruce a small, if a bit sly, smile.
"You can not call it 'family dinner' if not all your family is there."
#danny phantom#dc x dp#dpxdc#batman#batfam#tim drake#jason todd#bruce wayne#dick grayson#talia al ghul#damian al ghul#damian wayne#danyal al ghul#al ghul twins#danny and damian are twins#only not biologically#it was an accident#they do treat each other like brothers tho#cork prompts#ficlet#feel free to add on
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Me: so the thing is that beginner's ballet classes are usually for ages 6-7, and the older you get the more expensive it is. by the time you reach high school usually the only people remaining are the ones who intend to go into ballet as a career. so in verse 2 of avril lavigne's sk8r boi, when you fast forward to 5 years later and the ballet girl is at home alone with a baby, implied to be a single parent, there's not only the intended subtext that she's a single mom who had an unexpected pregnancy where the dad skipped out on her, but also the implication that it ruined her career, since show business in general and ballet specifically is so fast paced that most ballerinas can't afford to take time off to have children without sacrificing their career growth. in fact post-quarantine there was a really interesting article about how many ballerinas used that time to have children that their otherwise demanding schedule wouldn't have allowed them-- You, hitting me with a broom: how the hell did you get in my house
#lectures#[brings back a ten year old meme format that i think i was the only one who ever used as a meme format] OLE#music
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Bruce Wayne’s Offensive + Defensive Biting for Beginners: Key Points
Don’t bite until you’re out of options
When you bite someone, make it count
Don’t bite something that’s likely to crack a tooth if you can avoid it
Getting implanted teeth is more expensive and painful than you think (personal experience rip)
The average human bite force is 120–162 pounds per square inch
Maximum bite force depends on surface area, so choose your target wisely (neck, forearm, etc)
Make it clean, make it fast; don’t hang on while biting and risk getting hit
Don’t bite appendages (choking hazard if tied up)
People in Gotham are more accepting of bite attacks than other cities
Do not bite Joker under any circumstances
Immediately start post exposure antibiotics within 24 hours if blood is drawn
Spit out blood to 1) decrease infection risk and 2) to establish psychological dominance
Do not bite me
It will not work
No really
#afternoon rambles#you know very sane rules for robins#batman#bruce wayne#dc#batfamily#tw injuries#tw blood
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