#this post brought to you by sleep deprivation and a well timed song

[delopsia]

The best part about needing a radio playing to sleep is that every once in a while, I Ain't Worried by One Republic comes on, and suddenly it's 2022 again; I'm in a theater with my mom, and watching a compilation of shirtless men with their tits out, honkers on full blast, and it's the highlight of my summer.

[kitten4sannie]

trendsetter

reach for my goals, hit it dead center

pairing: idol ex! mingi x fem! reader

genre: an actual idol au omg, smut

summary: mingi reminds you why he was so hard to leave in the first place, well, the first few times, anyway.

w.c: 3.3k

bc i’m bigger, better

warnings: brief weed use/shotgunning (mingi’s a plug in another life btw <3), mingi’s kinda a dickhead and a master manipulator (damn double homicide), dom! mingi, subby! reader, mingi’s got a big cawk, glove ? kink? idk bro, exhibitionism, teasing, praise/degradation, pet names galore/name calling, tit play, spit, fingering, finger sucking (leads to some gagging), oral (giving), deep-throating, cum eating, grinding, kissing, size kink, breeding kink, mingi fucks reader raw on the hood of her own car hallelujahhhh

a/n: don’t blame me for this btw,, blame mingi mango and the things he’s been posting on ig 😮‍💨 this man makes me delirious istg. also i wrote this while incredibly sleep deprived just so yk !! there might be some grammar and spelling errors (as well as a general sense of lunacy ✨) regardless i hope you enjoy and please do let me know if you liked it bc feedback is like a treat for me and im a treat hungry lil goblin uwu <3

song recs: so damn into you by vlad holiday - come 2 me by johnny goth - liquid by boston manor

Mingi barely made it two steps past one of the various emergency exit doors of the booming, hectic arena, dropping his lighter on the ground when his favorite ex suddenly came waltzing back into his life again after just swiftly exiting it for the nth time.

���Where are my car keys? I know you have them,” you abruptly confronted him, snatching the lighter from the ground before he could grab it and sliding it inside your tank top, right in between your tits.

“Why would I have your car keys, sugar?” Mingi sighed exasperatedly, walking in your direction until he towered over you, gently clasping his calloused hands around your upper arms so he could rub them up and down in an effort to calm you, gently turning you around until your back pressed into the cool metal of the emergency door. “Can you use that pretty little head of yours for me, Y/N? I just performed right now. I was busy rehearsing before that. Do you really think I would take your keys from you just to keep you from leaving?”

“Yes, I do. You always do some fuck shit like this when I try to leave. Every time, Mingi.” Despite the furrow of your brow and the contempt present within your words, you couldn’t help but watch as Mingi’s thumbs began to press into the sides of your tits. When you didn’t say anything, he began to press the rest of his gloved fingers into the softness of your chest.

“Some fuck shit like this?” Mingi asked under his breath, studying your flushed face to gauge your reaction as he squeezed your tits against the palms of his rough hands, rubbing his thumbs teasingly against the thin material of your sports bra until he felt your nipples harden. “You aren’t tell me to stop, baby. Cat got your tongue?”

“I hate you…” you whispered softly, not understanding why you never had the strength to deny him, even in a public, though empty alleyway, even after you just broke up with him only a little while ago.

“You don’t seem to hate this…Your body’s responding to me…” Mingi suddenly pinched your nipples through your sports bra, chuckling at the gasp you let out. He leaned down, bringing his lips to your ear to whisper, “I bet you don’t hate how wet I’m making you right now, either. Is your cunt throbbing for me already, Y/N?”

“N-no…” You bit into your bottom lip when your ex let out a disapproving ‘uh-uh’ as you turned your head to look away from him, squeezing your thighs together, hoping your arousal wouldn’t drip past your short skirt.

With one hand still clasped around your tit to play with it, Mingi brought the other up to grasp your chin, making you face him again, so close that you were breathing in each other’s air, your parted lips almost touching. “You’ll let me check to see if you’re lying, won’t you, sugar? Can I see how many fingers I can fit inside your tight little cunt?”

You hated how much your body and soul still burned for your lecherous ex, hated how desperate you suddenly were for him to have his way with you, but what you hated most of all was the way you whimpered out, “Please, Minnie.”

Mingi groaned softly at the use of his pet name, feeling most of his blood began to head below the belt, letting go of your chin, the both of you watching as his hand disappeared underneath your skirt. He instantly slipped two thick fingers inside you up to the knuckles, despite wearing a pair of thick leather gloves, the both of you moaning at the squelching sound your bare, wet cunt made. “That’s my girl. You wore this slutty little skirt and no panties just for me, didn’t you? You don’t even care about getting out of here with your keys. You just wanted me to put my hands all over you one last time, yeah?”

Just as you were about to respond, Mingi suddenly stuffed his leather-bound fingers into your mouth, making you taste your own warm wetness. “A-aaahn,” you moaned around his moving digits, feeling them slip along your hot tongue, looking up at your ex’s intensely dark gaze.

“Suck,” he simply requested, smiling fondly at the sight of your plush lips closing around his fingers, pushing them further and further back until he made you gag around them, his cock throbbing at the sight of your teary doe eyes. “Oh, baby, if you’re going to be looking at me like that and making those pretty noises, I’m gonna lose it…but, you can take it, right? My fingers in your throat?”

You whined softly, trying your best not to gag more around his moving fingers, relaxing your throat enough so that the only sound that could be heard was your moans and the abundance of saliva in your mouth.

“Good girl.” Mingi slipped his fingers out of your mouth and pressed his lips onto your cheek, whispering, “Can you take my cock down your throat next, pretty girl? I worked so hard to perform tonight, you know. Don’t you think I deserve head from my favorite ex?”

“Uh-huh,” you found yourself agreeing, your head still fuzzy from having his fingers inside your mouth, desperate to have something else warm and thick on your tongue, thankful for the heavy hand that began to push your head down until your bare knees were resting against the cold concrete below.

“Say ‘aaah’,” Mingi cooed darkly from above, expertly undoing his thick belt buckle and lowering his pants until his stiff, reddened cock smacked up into his abdomen. It was then that his hands were drawn to either side of your head, barely giving you enough time to open your mouth before he thrusted forward, the tip of his cock instantly hitting the back of your throat. “Fuckkkk, that’s a good slut. You don’t have to be my girlfriend to be my fuck toy, huh, baby?”

Your moans of approval were instantly muffled by the massive cock that was being stuffed inside your throat by your eager ex, as you reached up to grasp at his hips, the shiny lighter that was still sitting in between your tits starting to jostle around due to Mingi’s rough movements.

Suddenly reminded of his post-concert ritual, Mingi reached into his back pocket and placed a joint between his lips, then fished the lighter out from between your tits, but not before he squished one of them for the hell of it. He rolled the dial on the lighter a few times before a flame sparked, bringing it up and lighting the tip of his joint.

The strong aroma of Mingi’s flower reached you in an instant, having to blink your many tears away to watch him take a deep puff of it and blow it out into your face. Your lips tingling from the immense stretch, you sputtered around his pulsing cock, suddenly pulling away, letting your spit laced lips rest against his leaking tip, weakly licking at the pre-cum that spilled from it. “M-minnie…”

“Why’d you stop?” Mingi grunted, biting on the tip of the joint to keep it from falling from his lips, looking down at you with his sharp, slightly red eyes. Using his free hand to jerk himself off with his cockhead pressed to your lips and smearing his pre-cum over them just for his own enjoyment, he slowly realized what was up. “Oh, you want a hit? Aren’t you precious? Come here.”

Mingi slowly lowered himself down into a crouching position, letting go of his cock to grab your chin with his arousal coated fingers, taking in a deeper inhale, the majority of the joint turning to ash, just as he flicked it away into the gutter. He pressed his lips onto yours in an open-mouthed kiss, neither of you bothering to close your eyes as he slowly filled your lungs with smoke.

Just as you began to choke while trying to exhale all the smoke, Mingi dragged his tongue across your own and over your top set of teeth just because he felt like it, before standing back up. “I bet you’re feeling real good now, baby. That was top shelf.” He spat into the palm of his hand and lubed up his cock, before patting your cheek and sliding himself back into the hot haven that was your throat, not wasting a single second to begin pumping himself inside it again, almost like he had never stopped.

Now that both your body and brain were delightfully clouded with a heavy, lustful high, you felt like you could cum just from getting ruthlessly throat-fucked alone, your nails digging into Mingi’s bare hips, more and more tears and saliva dripping along your flushed skin the longer he abused your tiny throat with his oversized length.

“Fuck, I can’t handle it when you cry and drool like that just from sucking my cock, baby. I’m gonna fucking cum,” Mingi groaned deeply from above you, rested his forearms against the emergency door, thrusting sloppily into your mouth. He let out a few short, whiny moans once he began to shudder, plunging his throbbing cock deep inside your throat and staying still. “Oh, shit, I’m cumming. Take my load, princess, ohh my god, that’s it.”

You swallowed the warm, salty liquid as it shot down your throat, only to open your mouth and present your tongue when Mingi pulled out and began to slowly milk his cock, taking the rest of his load on your tongue, not swallowing and simply letting it drip down, a few drops spilling down your chin and getting onto your tits.

“Mm, that’s my messy girl. You’re waiting for me to feed it to you, huh?” Mingi licked at his plush lips from witnessing your obedient nod, pushing his soft cock back into his pants and waiting for you to stand up so that he could collect some of the cum that had escaped your mouth and pushed it back into your mouth. “That’s right, babygirl, clean it all up for me. Mm-hmm, just like that.”

Once you slurped the rest of his load off of his fingers, you wrapped your arms around Mingi’s neck, pressing your heated body into his. “Mingiiii, please fuck me, I can’t take it,” you begged him underneath your breath, pressing your lips onto his neck up to his tense jawline.

“Oh, yeah? You can’t live without this dick, can you?” he questioned you huskily, bringing his wrists up to his mouth one by one to pull his gloves off with his teeth, before reaching past your waist to roughly squeeze his warm hands into your ass. When you grimaced up at him, he tugged your skirt up and spread your ass open to run his fingers down your wet slit from behind, making you whimper. “Admit it, and i’ll fuck you stupid, princess.”

Swallowing down any remaining dignity you had along with the remnants of your ex’s load, you lifted one leg up to hook it around his slim waist, allowing him easier access to you wet cunt, shuddering at the sensation of him shallowly slipping his fingers into and out of you just to tease you. “I can’t live without your cock, Mingi, okay? No one fucks me like you do, so please, make me yours.”

Mingi rubbed the abundant wetness around your cunt, licking his lips hungrily, staring down at you past his dark shades. “Right here? Right now?”

“Yes.”

“What if someone sees, princess?”

“I don’t give a fuck if someone sees, just fuck me, please!”

Mingi grinned crookedly, finding deep amusement in your desperation, considering how you were acting just a little while ago. “Where’s your car, baby?”

You pointed down the dark alleyway. “It’s just around the corner over there.”

Mingi looked over his shoulder, then picked you up from the ground, hooking both of your thighs around his waist and carrying you over to your car, massaging his hands into your thighs on the way. “I don’t have any condoms, you know.”

When Mingi laid you down on the hood of your car, the cool metal sending goosebumps up and down your exposed, heated skin, you shook your head and smiled softly. “When has that ever stopped you?”

“Don’t act like you don’t love when I fuck you raw, and leave you stuffed full of my cum…” Still in between your legs, Mingi bent down to leave kisses, licks, and bites along your neck and collarbone, lowering his pants down just enough to free his length, his slick cock growing hard and heavy against your bare cunt. “Fuck, and when I use my fingers to shove my nut back inside your cunt after…mm, I’m honestly surprised you’re not knocked up for me already…”

“Mingi,” you whined disapprovingly, despite the fresh wave of slick coating your ex’s cock as it repeatedly rubbed back and forth along your cunt.

“What, I thought you liked being my cumslut…my little breeding bitch…my pump n’ dump princess…” Mingi recited playfully, teasing your fluttering hole with the tip of his cockhead, just about driving you to the brink of insanity withi his teasing.

“Shut up, Min, oh my god…”

“Why don’t you shut me up then?” he suggested, hovering close enough to your face for you to pull him in for a desperate kiss that consisted mainly of tongue and teeth, your mouths occasionally making contact in between tongue swipes and lip bites, the both of you panting all the while.

Growing impatient, you slipped your fingers into his choppy hair, tugging his head back until your lips parted, a few strands of saliva still connecting them. “If you don’t put your cock inside me in the next two seconds, I’m going to bite it off. You hear me, Song Mingi?”

Groaning breathily when you tugged at his hair again, Mingi let out a few soft chuckles, taking his shades off and setting them down on the corner of the hood. “Using my government name like that….I must’ve teased you too much. My poor angel, so desperate for cock. I’ll fuck you good, baby. I’ll make it up to you,” he sighed, as he wrapped his fingers around his length, guiding the tip to your entrance and sliding all the way in with ease, the both of you letting out obscene moans. Without any hesitation, Mingi began to buck his hips wildly, his metal belt banging against the hood of your car with each thrust. “Oh, fuck. You feel that? Is it good for you?”

“Yes…!” you cried out, barely about to speak, let alone function, now that your beloved ex was rearranging your guts with his colossal cock.

Huffing, Mingi threw your legs up over his shoulders and laid his body weight on you, essentially folding you in half. He ran his tongue along your jaw, before nipping at it, whispering, “God, you’re always so fucking tight, princess. Gonna milk me for all I’ve got, huh? Cuz’ you’re my good little slut, aren’t you?”

“Uh-huh, just for you, Minnie…”

“Mm-hmm, that’s why you’re still here even after you broke up with me earlier, baby…why you’re taking my cock on the hood of your car where anyone can see you…” Mingi continued, squeezing his hands into the plumpness of your thighs, getting a good grip on them, so that he could drive himself into you as hard as he possibly could, punching short, breathy moans out of you. “You sound so pretty for me, baby, and fuck, you’re so wet right now….You’re gonna cream all over my cock, aren’t you?”

As soon as it felt like Mingi’s oversized cock had slammed directly into your cervix, you let out an abrupt yell, an overwhelming amount of pleasure suddenly shooting through your body like lightning. “Fuck…! I’m cumming, Minnie, it’s so– oh my god.” You were gonna start whimpering and crying when Mingi gently placed his warm hand over your mouth, watching him nod his head knowingly at you, his suddenly softened gaze never leaving yours.

“That’s a good girl, such a good girl for me, Y/N,” Mingi sighed against your ear, the hot, wet sounds of your bodies colliding together and the ringing inside your ears almost too loud for you to hear him properly. Feeling your wetness pour out onto his cock, Mingi let go of your mouth and cradled your face instead, pressing slow, meaningful kisses onto your lips, a few drops of sweat dripping along the shaved sections of his hair just as your trembling fingers drifted along it. “Want it inside, yeah?”

“Yeah…” you whispered against his moving lips, not even realizing when you were clutching him impossibly close to you.

“That’s my baby…” Mingi pulled all the way out, your mixed arousal forming a milky foam around the base of his cock, before he slowly pushed all the way back in, just in time for him to paint your insides white with his seemingly endless load. He hugged you close to him all the while, pressing kiss and kiss onto your lips, face, and neck, knowing that your turbulent time together was about to come to an end, and wishing he could turn the clock back to spend another second with you.

Once your highs began to fade, you cleared your throat and slowly sat up, the both of you silently fixing your disheveled clothes and hair in a poor attempt to look presentable in the case of a random passerby.

“So…since you don’t have my keys, I’m not sure how I’m gonna get out of here,” you sighed, about to push yourself off of the hood of your car when Mingi helped you off instead, annoyed that he was suddenly acting gentlemanly when he had shown you nothing of the sort beforehand.

Smiling apologetically, Mingi fished around in one of his pockets and held your keys up to you. “I took them out of your purse before the show started.” Seeing the anger blossom on your pretty, flushed face, he continued, “Listen, I just wanted you to hear me out before you left and never came back to me, baby. I love you.”

You snatched the keys out of his hand and crossed your arms over your chest, leaning back to sit on the hood of your car, keeping your thighs pressed together to keep everything from leaking out of you. “You don’t get to say that after you just made me your ‘pump n’ dump princess’, you idiot.”

“But I didn’t dump you, Y/N. You’re the one who dumped me!” Mingi whined, his lower lip jutting out in a pout, his brown eyes growing wide and puppy-like.

You couldn’t help but begin to laugh, not only at the ludicrous situation you were both in, but at the truth of his statement. Wiping a tear from your eye, you clicked your keys to unlock your car and walked around to the driver’s side.

“Where are you going? Are you leaving me?”

“No, we’re going to the store to get Plan B, dummy. I’m not about to let Mingi Jr. run around and terrorize the city,” you replied, gazing at your ex, the sight of his childlike amusement making you feel a bit soft towards him.

“I call shotgun!” Mingi called, eagerly heading to the passenger door, practically bouncing on his heels.

“There’s only two of us,” you giggled, sitting down in the car with him.

“For now.” Mingi wiggled his eyebrows at you.

You turned the ignition on, shaking your head, the corners of your lips hurting from how long you had been smiling. “Never say that shit again.”

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© kitten4sannie, 2024.

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

okay hi just a warning rq my autocorrect is off bc it autocorrected my friend’s name to fuckin malayalam on accident. i dont like autocorrect.

ANYWAY! ive been listening to my lovely olivia rodrigo lately, specifically her new song obsessed. i wanted to know if you could make a fic with Ethan x fem! reader where readers bitchy friend has this ex (Ethan) and she made him out to be a real dick. like, manipulating and everything.

reader eventually meets him and it turns out that she remembers… a lot about him considering her friend is a constant yapper and cant shut up about him. Ethan actually turns out to be a real cutie patootie and could literally never hurt anyone.

a few days later theyd meet again at some club or party maybe where they end up hitting it off… a little too well.. yeah so she ends up in his bed (smut part, very dom ethan plspls 😛😛). they could be talking about something really random and then reader brings up how her friend basically completely lied about him and said he was a piece of shit when he really wasnt. like a realllll fluffy end before a small cliffhanger thats never gonna get finished where her friend ends up finding out and texting her.

so sorry if thats too long or confusing idk but i actually love your work so much im lowkey your #1 fan. 😍😍😍

HELLO! I switched this up a little, I hope that's okay! 💕

Also, I fucking loved the 'leave it on a cliffhanger part that won't get finished' because WHY IS THAT WHAT I DO lmao

Obsessed - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 1

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Part 2

Summary: Your friend told you horrible lies about her ex-boyfriend, and once you get to know him, you realize he's not the monster she made him out to be.

Contains: Mentions of a toxic relationship, Dom-ish cocky Ethan, rough-ish sex, oral - f receiving, p in v, fluff (If I missed anything, PLEASE let me know. I'm sleep deprived atm)

A/N: This was the one that pulled me out of my writers block, lmao. It's still not where I want it to be, but I'm TRYING. I'll try to post more this week, but I will be busy so bear with me haha.

You didn’t know Ethan Landry, but you knew you didn’t like him. He used to date one of your friends, and after hearing all the horrible things he’d said and done during their relationship, you thought he was really scummy.

They dated in high school and couldn’t get enough of each other, so they wanted to go to the same college. They broke up right before freshman year started, and after almost a year, she still talked about him every chance she got. She’d tell you how controlling he was. The things he’d call her when he was mad. How he cheated on her. You couldn’t believe that she stayed in the relationship for as long as she did, because she never had anything good to say, except that she loved him.

You’d seen pictures of him, and after walking into one of your classes at the start of the new semester, you saw him in person for the first time. He was so shy as he took his seat in the lecture hall, some of the girls making their little comments about the rumors they’d heard about him. He didn’t seem like the type that would do the things your friend said, but maybe he was just really good at playing innocent. All you knew was that you needed to keep your distance from him.

When you met up with your friend later that day for lunch, you didn’t know if you wanted to bring up Ethan being in the same class as you, but once she brought him up, you decided to tell her.

“Speaking of Ethan…I saw him today,” you said, before taking a bite of your food. Her face dropped as she looked at you.

“Where did you see him?” she questioned. You explained that you saw him in one of your new classes, and she rolled her eyes. “Can you believe he still tries to text me?”

“What I can’t believe is that you haven’t blocked him,” you said, “I know I’d hate to see someone that treated me like shit’s name pop up on my phone.”

She started to giggle as you curiously stared at her. “I have him saved in my phone as ‘Tall loser with a small dick’, so I laugh every time he does text me.”

“That’s not toxic at all,” you said, as you started to think about what she’d said. “Wait, he treated you as bad as he did and has a small dick? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“All he had going for him was that he was cute,” she said, “But seriously, if I were you, I’d stay away from him.”

“Oh, please. Like I’d even want to be near him.”

Your morning wasn’t going as expected. You slept through all of your alarms; you didn’t have time to stop for coffee. You didn’t think your day could get any worse, until you walked into class and noticed the only empty seat available was beside Ethan. You took a deep breath before you walked over and sat down. Once you reached into your backpack, you realized that your laptop wasn’t there. You were in such a hurry when you ran out of your dorm and didn’t even think to grab it.

“Shit,” you whispered, “I’m so stupid.”

“Here,” Ethan said, passing you a notebook and a pen. You curiously looked at him as he offered a weak smile. “I always keep an extra notebook, just in case.”

“Thanks,” you said, a half-smile playing on your lips.

Once class started, you were taking your notes, but you kept glancing over to Ethan. He was so focused on typing that he didn’t notice, but you couldn’t help but wonder if everything your friend told you was true. At that moment, he didn’t seem like a jerk. Then again, he had only spoken a handful of words to you.

Ethan was aware of all the things that were said about him. He hoped that after a few weeks it all would’ve blown over, but once you have an angry ex-girlfriend paint you as some horrible, emotionally abusive asshole, it’s hard to come back from that. He knew that it was best for him to just keep his head down until he was able to transfer to a different school, where no one knew who he was. He was miserable at Blackmore, and he really had no reason to stick around, aside from the few friends he’d made.

After class was over, you tore the pages of notes you’d taken from the notebook to give it back to Ethan.

“Thanks again,” you said, as you handed it back to him.

“You’re welcome,” he said, shoving it back in his backpack. “I thought about just emailing you my notes, but I didn’t know if you’d want that.”

“You’re telling me I didn’t have to spend the last hour trying to write that fast?” you asked, as he flashed you a sweet, genuine smile. “Why wouldn’t someone want that?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s because most people here hate me,” he said, sliding the straps of his backpack over his shoulders. “You’ve probably heard things about me.”

“Yeah…are they true?” you asked, as he shook his head.

“You’re the first person that’s asked me that. Everyone else just assumes everything is true,” he sighed, “But no, I’m not a bad person.”

You started to feel so guilty. You’d said plenty of bad things about him, but you only heard one side of the story. With your friends’ story changing so many times, getting more dramatic each time she told it, you were starting to realize that it was all bullshit. You still didn’t know exactly what happened, but you were curious to know what the truth was.

“You okay?” Ethan asked, noticing that you were lost in thought as you stood in front of him.

“I’m friends with your ex,” you said, as his smile slowly fell. “What’s the real story?”

He sat back down in his seat as the other students piled out of the room. You sat beside him as you waited for him to speak.

“I really loved her…but she was just so controlling. Then she cheated on me when she went to the beach with her family. I didn’t find out about that until right before we started college,” he said, looking over to you. “She was pissed that I broke up with her, then all these horrible things about me started going around.”

“That’s fucked up,” you said, as he nodded.

“Yeah, she’s still been trying to text me. I finally blocked her a few days ago.”

“Wait, she said you’ve been trying to text her,” you said, his eyes growing wide at your words.

“Her number’s been deleted from my phone for months. I have no interest in talking to her,” he said, “I know this must be weird for you since you are her friend, but I think it’s cool that you wanted to hear me out.”

“Well, I feel like I need to apologize…I’ve said some things about you that weren’t true.”

“She’s a good liar. She has almost the entire school hating me so it doesn’t surprise me that her friend does, too,” he said, as he stood back up.

“I don’t hate you,” you said, smiling at him. “I don’t know if you’d want to, and I know she’d kill me, but if you ever want to hang out sometime, let me know.”

“I’d like that.”

Ethan was kicking himself for not asking you for your number, or shit, even your social media so he could DM you. He thought you were beautiful, but he knew that hoping for a chance with you would be a reach. He really just needed more people in his life that believed him to make the time he still had at the university more enjoyable.

Your friend begged you to come to a random frat party that you didn’t feel like going to in the first place. After your talk with Ethan, you weren’t even sure you wanted to be around her. You still went, and after searching for her for almost an hour, you checked your phone to see a message from her that she wasn’t coming, and that she ran into one of the guys she’d been hooking up with on the way to the party.

“Why the fuck am I even here?” you said to yourself as you locked your phone and slid it into the back pocket of your jeans.

“Hopefully to hang out with me, if your offer’s still good,” you heard from behind you, recognizing Ethan’s voice.

“Hey,” you said as you turned to face him. “I didn’t expect to see the most hated man on campus here.”

“My roommate told me that if I stayed in my dorm tonight, he’d throw my Xbox out the window,” he said, glancing over to the muscular guy that was watching Ethan talk to you.

“Ah, so you were threatened into being social,” you said, as he started to laugh.

“I guess you could say that. Do you want a drink?”

“Sure.”

Ethan wasn’t much of a drinker; you could tell by the sour look on his face every time he took a sip. It gave him a little confidence though, as the two of you talked and got to know each other a little better.

“I don’t think I can drink this anymore,” he said, sitting the cup down on a table. You sat yours down too, and as soon as you did, someone bumped into you, shoving you into Ethan.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you said, looking up at him. Your chest was pressed closely against his, his hands on your hips from catching you.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, “You can stay this close to me all night, if you want.”

“Are you always this smooth? Or is it the alcohol?” you questioned as he smirked at you.

“I’m only buzzed,” he said, before he leaned down, placing his lips on yours.

Chad was still watching Ethan from afar, cheering and thrusting his fist in the air once he saw Ethan kiss you. He started to laugh against your lips before he pulled away to stare daggers through his roommate for interrupting the moment.

“I can’t take him anywhere,” Ethan said, as you smiled at him.

“We could go somewhere more private,” you suggested, as he took your hand in his.

“Want to go back to my dorm? He’ll be here for a while so I know we can talk without being interrupted.”

“Sure!”

Once you made it back to Ethan’s dorm, you were starting to think that he really did just want to talk. You enjoyed listening to him, though. He was telling you about all his hobbies and interests, and you were telling him yours. You started to glance around his side of the dorm room, noticing the cliché, dorky things you’d expect to see.

“Nice Star Wars poster, nerd,” you joked, as he smirked at you.

“Oh, I’m a nerd?” he said, as he nudged you back on his bed. He was hovering over you, his mouth inches from yours. The sexual tension got so thick as his eyes looked into yours, his hand rubbing your hip.

“Mhm,” you said, the corner of your bottom lip in between your teeth. “A hot nerd.”

He felt his cheeks start to heat up, and he really didn’t want you to notice, so he leaned down to finally connect his lips to yours. It didn’t take long for the kiss to get more intense, his tongue brushing across your bottom lip. You let him deepen the kiss, his tongue moving with yours as his hands started to roam. You whimpered into the kiss once his hand squeezed your thigh, your hips started to squirm underneath him.

He pulled away but still stayed close so the two of you could catch your breath. You were reading each other’s faces, and it was obvious that you both wanted more.

“How far do you want this to go?” he asked, his breathing still heavy as his eyes looked into yours.

“As far as you want,” you said, your sweet tone making him groan.

“That’s not what I asked you,” he said, as he leaned back down to kiss your neck. His curls were tickling you, but the only reaction you had were the soft moans slipping past your lips from how well his mouth moved. His hips were rutting into yours, showing you how hard he was for you.

“I want you to fuck me,” you said, as he pulled away to look at you.

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

Ethan was a little, well, very eager. He got you undressed in what felt like seconds, leaving you in just your panties. Once he stripped down to just his boxers, you got a little curious. You glanced down to see his hard cock straining against the fabric, and started to laugh to yourself, your gaze going to the ceiling.

“What’s funny?” he asked, as he hovered back over you to take one of your nipples in his mouth. Your laughing stopped, a gasp slipping out when he started to suck. “I asked you a question,” he teased, before moving to the other side.

“She really does lie about everything,” you said, as his tongue swirled. “She said you had a small dick.”

He started to laugh against you, before he pulled back. “That’s funny, because she couldn’t take it.”

“I can,” you said, his smile turning to a smirk as his hand trailed down your body to rub you over your panties.

“We’ll see about that,” he said, as he moved lower down the bed to position himself between your thighs.

He slid your panties down your legs, before running his fingers over your wet pussy. Your eyes stayed on him, your bottom lip in between your teeth as he teased you. Your anticipation just kept building as he moved down the bed, positioning himself in between your thighs. He leaned in, slipping his tongue inside your entrance.

He was sloppily eating you out, his head moving from side to side. His arms hooked under your thighs to pull you as close to his face as he could as your hands went to his hair.

“So good,” you whimpered, your breathing getting faster as he worked you closer to your orgasm.

He slid his tongue out of you to focus on your clit, quickly replacing it with two of his fingers. Your back was arching off the bed as he moved his arm back and forth, applying as much pressure as he could to that spongy spot inside you as he sucked on your swollen bundle of nerves.

“You’re gonna make me cum,” you babbled, as he started to chuckle with your clit in his mouth.

That was all it took for your legs to start shaking and your grip on his hair getting even tighter. Once your pussy started to clench around him, he slowed his fingers to a slow roll, not wanting to overstimulate you. His tongue gently licked your clit as he worked you through it, your whimpers getting softer as you came down from your high.

“That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” you admitted through your shaky breathing. Ethan started to laugh a little as you looked at him, your eyes hazy. “What?”

“Just wait until I’m inside you,” he cockily said, “You still confident that you can handle it?”

“I know I can,” you said, your legs instinctively spreading wide for him as his fingertips ran up your thigh.

“What are you going to do when no one else can make you feel as good as I do?” he questioned, as one of his fingers started to rub circles on your clit.

“I guess I’d have to keep you around then,” you said, as he shook his head.

“You’d only have me until summer starts,” he said, his finger moving faster. “I’m transferring to a different school after this year.”

“No, you’re not..fuck. I’ll convince you to stay,” you said, relaxing into the bed as he teased you.

Ethan pulled his hand away from your pussy before he slid his boxers off. He crawled back on top of you and reached over to his bedside table to grab a condom.

“I might let you convince me,” he said, as he lined up with your entrance. You tensed up a little because you knew how big he was. “Relax, baby.”

You did as he said, taking a deep breath as he inched his way inside of you. You were moaning as he stretched you out, and when you thought he was all the way in, he just kept going.

“Oh fuck,” you whimpered, feeling so full as he finally came to a stop, wanting to give you plenty of time to adjust. “Told you..Fuck, I told you I could take it,” you said, already struggling to speak.

“Don’t get cocky,” he said, your mouth falling open as he started to move. “I’m going to ruin this pussy.”

“Ruin it,” you said, challenging him as your lusty, hooded eyes connected with his.

It took everything in Ethan to not immediately start pounding into you, but he didn’t want to hurt you. He started slow, your eyebrows already furrowing together, low moans slipping past your lips. The head of his cock hit that special spot every single time, but you needed more. He sped up a little as your legs wrapped around him, your hands gripped tightly around his biceps.

“Maybe you can take it,” he said, his breathing getting heavier. “Can I go faster?”

“Yes,” you whimpered, as his hips moved quicker.

Your brain was starting to turn to mush, the babbles slipping past your lips making absolutely no sense. The only thing your mind could process in that moment was how good Ethan was making you feel. He thought you were adorable, already so cock drunk, and he wasn’t even close to being done with you yet. He kept his pace, but occasionally thrust a little harder to see if you could take it, the loud moans slipping past your lips as your nails started to dig into his arms letting him know that you could.

He angled your hips to go even deeper. His pace was a little slow as he made sure you were okay. Your eyes were pleading with him to go faster, because you knew the words weren’t going to come out of your mouth. It was getting so hard for him to hold back, so he finally let go. He started to pound into you so hard that your skin was tingling, all the nerves in your body on edge. Your toes were curling as he slammed into your g-spot, your whimpers turning to cries as you felt your orgasm starting to build. It was hard for you to keep your eyes open, and you were sure Ethan was going to have your nail marks on his arms forever with how hard you were squeezing him.

“Fuck,” was the only word you were able to get out, your legs wrapping tightly around him as your body started to involuntarily jolt. Ethan was sure that everyone in the surrounding dorm rooms knew what was happening, because you were being so loud. He wasn’t letting up though. He loved that he was making you feel that good.

It only took a few more deep thrusts before your entire body started to tremble, loud whines flooding out of your mouth as the wave of euphoria washed over you. He chased his own orgasm as he fucked you through it, your pussy clenching him so tight that he was moaning himself.

“I’m almost there, baby,” he said, a slight rasp in his voice from all the panting he’d been doing.

You went limp, your grip on his arms and your legs around his waist relaxing as his hips started to falter, a loud groan slipping past his lips as he released into the condom.

He took a minute to catch his breath before he slid out of you. His abs were burning and his arms were sore from your nails, but he quickly got up to take the condom off so he could take care of you.

He crawled in the bed next to you as you adjusted to lay your head on his chest, still so fucked out that it was hard to process your thoughts. Ethan just held you close, his hands softly rubbing over your bare back as you relaxed into his touches.

“You’re okay, right?” he asked, after a few minutes of you not saying anything. You lazily nodded as your hand moved to rub across his chest.

You laid there in silence as you started to think about what’d just happened. You knew your friend was going to be pissed if she ever found out, but did that even matter? She made almost the entire university hate Ethan for things he never did, and it made you sad that he felt like he needed to switch to a different school so he wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

“So…” you finally said, “How can I convince you to stay?”

He let out a nervous laugh, not knowing the best way to respond. “I can’t take people talking about me the way they do anymore.”

“Even if I convince everyone that it was all lies?” you questioned, your tone playful as you angled your head to look at him. “I think it’d be awful for you to leave because of her. You could miss out on someone that would treat you right.”

“Someone like you?” he questioned as he looked down at you. You nodded, before he leaned down to kiss you. “You’re good at this whole convincing thing.”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” you asked, smiling as you sat up to look at him.

“Yeah, as long as you don’t break my heart,” he said, wrapping his arms around you to pull you back down to his chest.

“I won’t.”

You stayed in Ethan’s bed for a couple hours, making plans for all the dates he wanted to take you on. It felt like you’d known him for way longer than just a few days, the two of you having an instant connection. You hated to pull away from him, but you knew you needed to get dressed before his roommate got home.

“It’s late, can I walk you back to your dorm?” he asked, as he started to put his clothes back on.

“I can’t believe I thought you were this horrible monster. You’re so sweet,” you said, as he smiled at you. “Yeah, you can walk me home.”

Ethan walked you to the front door of your building, pulling you into a gentle kiss before he pulled away.

“I’ll text you,” he said, as he started to back away.

“Yeah, let me know when you make it back to your dorm, please,” you said, as he nodded.

When you made it upstairs and got settled into your bed, you heard your phone vibrate as it charged on your bedside table. You grabbed it and saw a goodnight message from Ethan, a huge smile on your face as you responded to him. You were so exhausted from the time you’d spend with him, and you soon felt yourself start to doze off. You heard your phone buzz again, your eyes lazily opening to see if it was Ethan. You took a deep breath once you read the message that was sent to you.

‘Why the fuck were you kissing Ethan at that party?’

[tellmegoodbye]

Now that I finally posted my fic, until the end of time, I wanted to make a separate post for the playlist as well!

I shared a couple of these songs for music monday, but I'm going to do a more in depth analysis of the entire playlist, listing each song in order, talking about which lyrics inspired me, and sharing which moments in the fic they reminded me of.

Listen to the full playlist here.

---

Overcome - Nothing But Thieves

This was the first song I connected to 4x18 back when I first started writing this fic back in June of last year. The playlist opens with it because it introduces the overarching theme of choosing love in life's most difficult moments.

Bringer of the calm, your arms wrapped around when the fever took Thought I was gone for good, you brought me back

But I've been thinkin', babe, maybe you're right When you said the pain weathers in time We're just waitin' for a change to follow We don't always get all that we want Redefine the pain to somethin' more And we shall overcome as we've done before

Stay - The People's Thieves

I see these lyrics as a sort of a back and forth between TK and Carlos.

The first verse is TK feeling helpless when he watches Carlos spiral. He knows that he has to wait for Carlos to come around. They'll leave the darkness when he's ready.

The second verse is Carlos understanding his own weakness. He knows he can't fight this alone even if he's too blinded by obsession to admit it. He needs TK (and Owen) to help him escape it.

The chorus is TK and Carlos comforting each other. TK was scared for Carlos, but Carlos came back to him as he always will. Carlos was lost, but he found his way back home to TK.

I can find a place where no one feels the rain We'll huddle while the storm goes Leave here when you say so Hang on I pray the day will come when you can feel the sun And wipe off all the marks of days spent in the dark love Hang on

I'm only just strong enough I'm slowly sinking through the ground below So hold me Just long enough to show me How to find my way back home

Stay When you feel afraid Where you are is where I'll always go When you've lost your way Where you are is where I'll always go

Sleep Deprivation - Chance Peña

This is where Carlos' head is at. He's lost within his grief and relentlessly persuing justice at the same time. He wants to do right by his family, but he can't do that without losing himself in the process. He still needs to realize that he is allowed to slow down to process his grief and take it one day at a time.

Lost and ambitious I've been on a mission I won't stop till I'm done I toss and turn almost every night I pray to God I'm doing right By all my family's wishes Lord knows I miss them Their love outshines the sun

So when I break down I list off the reasons I'm here and I'm still breathing I'm hanging on Try to break ground, make way for tomorrow I'll find a way through the sorrow One day at a time

Discoloration - Dawn Golden

This reminds of the scene where TK is trying to rationalize with Carlos, but Carlos isn't hearing him. He's too sucked into his obsession to see that he isn't alone.

You took my hand and brought me down in the morning And I was sitting waiting for the telephone to swallow me whole

And I watched your mouth moving like a tired machine trying to plead with me. Trying to swallow me whole

And the whites of your eyes blackened with a hardened decay And you talked to me in a broken voice

Fade In / Fade Out - Nothing More

I wrote an analysis on this song here, but I think these lyrics are the perfect encapsulation of Carlos and Gabriel's relationship. A lot of these thoughts would be haunting Carlos in his persuit of Gabriel's killer.

Son, I have watched you fade in You will watch me fade out When the grip leaves my hand I know you won't let me down

Go and find your way Leave me in your wake Always push through the pain And don't run away from change

We all get lost sometimes trying to find what we're looking for

Are You Really Okay? - Sleep Token

(cw: references of self harm)

This is a song about self harm from the outside perspective of a loved one. This is where TK really starts to realize that something is wrong with Carlos, and he doesn't know what to do. Carlos is engaging in his own version of self harm when he refuses to let himself sleep, eat, or grieve.

I raised you in the dark Caught you reading by the sunrise You wandered from the path Through the silence of the hillside

You woke me up one night Dripping crimson on the carpet I saw it in your eyes Cutting deeper than the scars could run

And don't you know I can see it in you even now And don't you know I want to help you but I don't know how And are you really okay?

I cannot fix your wounds this time I don't believe you when you tell me you are fine Please don't hurt yourself again

Promises I Can't Keep - Mike Shinoda

This is probably my favorite song on the entire playlist. In the aftermath of everything that went down, Carlos is in shock. He's upset, but he doesn't really have the chance to process the gravity of the situation until he gets home to TK. It's a feeling of relief mixed with that sinking feeling of realization when he comes back down to earth and his head is finally clear enough for him to see how bad it got, and how bad it almost became. He now has to accept the fact that he may not be able to keep his promise to Gabriel. He may not ever find his killer.

What's the difference between a loss and a forfeit I tried to make it better, but I made it more sick I tried to make it right, now awake at night I know reality was getting in the way

I used to think that I knew who I was Never saw it coming unglued I used to think that I knew who I was Now it's time to see if it's true

I had so much certainty Til that moment I lost control And I've tried but it never was up to me I've got no worse enemy Than the fear of what's still unknown And the time's come to realize there will be Promises I can't keep

I Am Not Who I Was - Chance Peña

Carlos has come to terms with the decisions that he made, and now he has to figure out where that leaves him. Is he still going to be a person TK can love? Is he going to keep going down a path of isolation, or is he going to hold on to what's most important to him? In the fic, he pleads with TK to not give up on him, and of course, this is never a question for TK.

You keep me steady on the ground When my head's lost in the clouds That spotlight, though it shines bright Could never drown you out I know it's hard when I'm away I'll just hope you don't lose faith 'Cause I told the truth when I said to you That I'll be back someday

So if I fly too far Will I still have a place inside your heart? And when you've seen what I've become Will you love me for who I am, not who I was?

Life's Gonna Kill You (If You Let It) - Man-Made Sunshine

TK approaches Carlos with more understanding than most people would have, because he's lost a parent too. He knows just how dark Carlos' thoughts are. And he has the experience to know what to expect. Carlos' grief is different from TK's, but having someone who loves him and who has been there is important when he hits his lowest point and can't see how he can drag himself out of it. TK isn't going to let Carlos get to a point where he can't come back.

You know I see your troubles from a continent away And they take me from my own And I know you feel your mind gets ugly every day And I know you know what it's like to feel insatiably alone

I won't let you get ill, I won't let you give in 'Cause this life will only kill you if you let it Don't you let me get ill, 'cause you know that I will My pain loves the company My life only kills me when I let it Yеah, life's gonna kill you if you let it

Back To One - O.A.R

This song is all about starting over. It's about changing your perspective when life becomes too overwhelming that you start to lose sight of the good things. When Carlos comes home and sees TK, his whole world who was right there waiting for him all long, he's reminded of the love he still has, and the happiness that he still has the ability to feel. He is not entirely lost. Looking back on his father's death isn't going to help him move forward. And moving forward isn't forgetting either. This song is an anthem of what it means to live through the worst moments of your life, and that's what Carlos is learning how to do. Live.

I see you there, but you don't look right You got a ten-mile stare in your eyes tonight Time ain't fair, like it used to be

We're all dressed up, nowhere to go We lost our way, about halfway home And we hurt the ones who get too close

Don't look back, you'll never find your way There's a million different people Who break the same way When everything has come undone We got to bring it back to one

I know forever always asks so much Don't you let it scare you, don't you lose your touch When your still waters start to run, bring it back to one

Can I Sleep In Your Arms - Willie Nelson

This is the song TK and Carlos were dancing to in the fic! I chose it for a couple reasons. I have my own (vague) hcs of the kind of music TK and Carlos like, and I do think there is some portion of Carlos' music taste that is dedicated to older stuff. I see him listening to old country loves songs like this one as a kid and imagining the day he'd find a love like that of his own. He found it with TK. He fought to hang on to it because this thing that he has with TK is so beautiful and precious, that he'll be damned if he ever lets it go.

In regards to the actual lyrics, this song is simply about how when you fall down, when you struggle, the person who loves you is always going to be right there by your side to help you get back on your feet. It's a song about healing, comfort in weakness, and devotion.

Can I sleep in your arms tonight, lady? It's so cold lying here all alone And I have no hold to hold on you And I assure you, I'll do you no wrong

Meet The Moonlight - Jack Johnson

This is a callback to the theme of choosing love. Carlos lost sight of it momentarily, and couldn't see a world where he could exist outside of this mission that he was on. But he can. He can choose to live and to pormise himself to TK forever. His dreams that he couldn't allow himself to have most of his life are still real and attainable. He can take control of his destiny.

Well, you can meet the moonlight Any night you really wanna It's waiting in your own backyard You can make the flame Meet the kindling, make the fire Don't let anybody say it's too hard

It's funny how blind dreams can be It seems like they look off too far But it's good to be right here It's good not to miss too many chances to follow love

Emerald Eyes - Anson Seabra

I didn't include any moments from the actual wedding in this fic because it would have defeated the purpose of the whole thing, but I do love this song for the wedding in particular. Carlos is looking at TK, this man who he loves with everything he has, who he's been through hell and back with - and he knows that this is meant to be. He knows their love is strong enough to survive anything. The road to their wedding wasn't easy, but now he's here and now he gets to take it all in. He gets to have forever with him.

A subtle breeze, it's you and me Chest to chest, no in between And every moment's better than the last Anything and everything That I could ever want and need Is standing right beside me in the grass

The birds they sang a melody My heart was keeping time and we Were dancing on the edge of something new Slow at first but still it seems That we'll go down in history As lovers from the start, just me and you

'Cause I've spent a thousand nights Lost in your emerald eyes Lost in a place where I know You can see my soul Make me lose track of time You and your emerald eyes Finally found a place that I can call my home

Tennessee Whiskey - Chris Stapleton

I had to include at least one song that had a somewhat sexy vibe, and this was it. This is the way it feels for TK and Carlos when they go home and give themselves over to each other as hubsands with a foundation of years of pining, building trust, heartache, and every obstacle in between. No matter what happens or where they go, the love that they have is never going to die.

But you rescued me from reachin' for the bottom And brought me back from being too far gone

You're as smooth As Tennessee whiskey You're as sweet As strawberry wine You're as warm As a glass of brandy And honey, I stay stoned on your love All the time

Baby I'm Yours - Arctic Monkeys

This is the "end credits" song. We revisit the theme of choosing to live. After this entire journey it all comes back to the love Carlos feels when he's with TK. He makes a promise not only to TK, but to himself, that no matter what happens or where life takes them, he will always remember this feeling.

Also, I saw that the fic title was a lyric in this song (this was on accident, I didn't come up with that title with any song in mind) and I knew I had to include it!

Baby, I'm yours And I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky, Yours, until the rivers all run dry In other words, until I die

Baby, I'm yours And I'll be yours until the sun no longer shines, Yours, until the poets run out of rhyme In other words, until the end of time

I'm gonna stay right here by your side, Do my best to keep you satisfied Nothin' in the world could drive me away 'Cause every day, you'll hear me say Baby, I'm yours And I'll be yours until two and two is three, Yours, until the mountains crumble to the sea In other words, until eternity

Bonus: I ended up removing the song only because I didn't like how it affected the overall flow of the playlist. But an alternative "end credits" song is Adore by Prince. The lyric "until the end of time" also makes an appearance in that, and it's a song about loving someone and knowing that love will never go away.

Tagging some people who've read the fic in case y'all are interested in song analysis. I also just wanted to thank you all for being so wonderful and supportive and leaving such lovely comments. Y'all are the best. ♡

@herefortarlos @strandnreyes @sapphic--kiwi @paperstorm @firstprince-history-huh @literateowl @ironheartwriter @theghostofashton @nisbanisba

Also tagging some people who expressed interest in this fic. If you want something to listen to while you read, here you go!

@heartstringsduet @lightningboltreader @reyesstrand @emsprovisions @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-in-glasses @butchreyes @whatsintheboxmh

This can also double as an inspiration saturday tag. I should really participate in that more often, but I think this counts so consider yourselves tagged!

[rhaenella]

You & Me - Rhys Montrose x Reader - Part 7

Part 6 | Part 8

Summary: What happens when reader assassin is tasked with killing the possible future mayor of London; Rhys Montrose. Politician by day, Eat the Rich Killer by night. But he isn’t the only person wearing different masks. 

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Violence, murder, immoral sociopathic behaviour, mentions of alcoholism, drug abuse and neglect, (eventual) smut

Word count: 4k

A/N: at the end.

Song: Meet Me In the Woods – Lord Huron

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Y/N, I’m positive.”

You had just ‘finished up’ Roald’s crime scene that no longer looked like a crime scene. Nevertheless, it was still horrendous and gut-wrenching. It hadn’t affected you much though as you and Rhys wordlessly divided the tasks, working in sync like you’d done this a dozen times before. Rhys had taken care of Roald’s shackles, making sure there were no bruises, as well as cleaning himself up. He had taken off his sweater, leaving him in only a black tee, using his sweater to wipe off the blood from his face. Then he’d folded the well-crafted suicide note and put it in Roald’s right hand. Meanwhile, you had made sure the blood spatter pattern was even and consistent before carefully placing the gun in Roald’s other hand. You checked with Rhys to confirm Roald had been a lefty, and thank God he was.

It was nearing 4 AM by the time you left Roald behind, all your knives once more strapped to your body. Besides handing you your knives back, Rhys had also given back your phone and lock-picks. You tried turning on your phone but it wasn’t responding, the battery dead, so you asked Rhys for the time. Bloody hell, you thought, realising you had been unconscious for almost the entire day before you had woken up to Rhys in that prison cell. You promptly blamed it on your 27-hour sleep deprivation. Another one of Lockwood’s crimes against humanity added to the list. 

Speaking of Lockwood — his deadline for killing Rhys had officially passed. You felt like an outlaw, waiting for the forces to come and get you. You’d wish them good luck. You would never surrender that easily, and fortunately for you, you now had another person with you. One who had made it perfectly clear that he was going to look after you when he’d unapologetically shot the man daring to insult you. You didn’t want to admit to yourself that it had caused a warm type of sensation to flow through you, settling somewhere low. 

The moment you stepped outside and breathed in the crisp early summer night, you sighed in relief. It was a stark contrast to the stale atmosphere in the prison cell. Yet, you couldn’t escape the nagging feeling you felt concerning the placement of the gun in Roald’s hand. Rhys had already ensured you back inside that the police and forensics team wouldn’t check for any residue evidence. But you couldn’t let it go, hence why you brought it up again as you walked side by side in the grass, avoiding the crunching gravel. 

“I thought the sweep was standard protocol,” you said, chewing your lip.

“It’s not anymore. Budget cuts,” Rhys explained, trying to settle your unease at the possible prospect of the police not finding a single trace of gun-shot residue on Roald’s hand, meaning he couldn’t have possibly pulled the trigger himself — meaning it was no suicide, it had only been masked as such. 

“They only perform the tests when the situation is questionable. And trust me, no one will be surprised Roald is the killer. Besides, I’d say we made it look pretty damn convincing, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, especially your note. We would make excellent stage directors,” you teased, trying to shake off your doubts in the process.

“Say no more, I do know someone on the West End.”

You stifled a laugh, looking over at Rhys to your right, noting he did the same. This morbid, post-murder clean-up banter between you two strangely feeling as natural as breathing. You still had to be quiet though, not wanting to wake up anyone inside the manor at this ungodly hour, or potentially alert security. 

The thought made you pause, Rhys glancing over his shoulder to see you had stopped walking. He shot you a questioning look as he strode back over to you, his eyes flitting over your face. “What is it?”

“Your security,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him. 

“What about them?” 

“They were surprisingly easy to slip past last night. Did you possibly have something to do with that?” You accused lightly.

You didn’t require a verbal response from him, Rhys’ smirk confirming what you had already expected. “Unbelievable,” you murmured. 

“What would you have wanted me to do, then?” Rhys threw up his arms in faux-exasperation, the amusement written clearly on his moonlit face. “I couldn’t exactly risk them catching you now, could I?” 

You shook your head at him, smiling. Why did this feel so natural? So normal? You pondered. 

Looking up at Rhys, you noticed his fond little smile slowly fade, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. Had he just wondered the same thing? 

You both considered the other for a long minute. He’d apparently been following you for the last couple of months, but he was still trying to learn how to accurately read you. You got the distinct feeling he wanted to understand your every thought and feeling, laying you completely bare for only him to see. It was the kind of vulnerability that you had never allowed before — not to anyone. In spite of that, you felt the same towards Rhys. That aching feeling to want to figure him out, which you’d felt so readily during your first conversation, had never left you. You were sure Rhys was just as reluctant about letting anyone in as you. But you were both also painfully aware that this equal partnership could only work when you both let the other person enter the impenetrable fortress that was your soul.  

You were the first to break the silence when you could no longer endure the tension of his scrutiny. “I still need to retrieve my bag with my things.”

“Sure,” Rhys said, shaking off your little moment. “Where have you stashed it?”

“Behind that bush over there,” you said, pointing in the approximate direction. 

You got there quickly and you immediately bent down to pull out your small but very compact duffle bag. You unzipped it and threw your phone in the bag — it was currently of no use to you with the battery dead. Thankfully, you knew London like the back of your hand and you had the route to and from Hampsbridge House memorised. The absence of your phone’s navigation system would thus not be felt. 

You had mutually decided that you needed to get back to London ASAP. Rhys would stay behind, having to play the role of innocent bystander. He would excuse himself as soon as the situation would allow him. You agreed he would then meet you at your apartment the moment he was back in the city. There was much to discuss. 

“What an excellent vantage point of my bedroom you’ve got from here,” Rhys commented wryly from where he stood behind you. 

You looked up at the house from your crouched position before returning your attention to trying to find the bloody car keys to your rental that you had parked a safe distance away in the woods. 

“Well, obviously. Or did you think me an amateur?”

“Never.”

You were about to say something else but the words died in your throat as you felt Rhys’ body suddenly diving on top of yours, his large hand reaching for your mouth to keep you from crying out in surprise. You laid awkwardly over your duffle, your cheek flat into the grass as Rhys kept you pinned down. 

“Don’t move,” he ordered from where his face was pressed into your shoulder. You paled. Like hell you would.

In a flash you pushed back your right shoulder with all the strength you could muster. Rhys winced as you had hit him squarely in the face. Using that momentum, you simultaneously bit down on his hand hard and elbowed him in the ribs, making his grip on you automatically slacken. You turned onto your back underneath him and grabbed his neck forcefully, nails digging in as you kneed him in the groin. 

Rhys groaned, baring his teeth as he moved the hand you had bitten to grab a hold of your wrist. But he wasn’t quick enough when you used the grip you still had on his neck to bring down his head with force. You successfully head-butted him, making him stagger backwards, landing on his knees. He tried to regain his balance as you fished out the knife you had re-strapped to your ankle earlier. You were about to advance when he held up his hands in surrender. 

“Y/N,” he heaved. “Bloody hell — wait.”

He glanced up at you from where he was still kneeling, hair falling in his face. You panted as you watched his chest also rise and fall in a rapid pace. Rhys grimaced from the impacts of your successive blows. 

“I didn’t mean to startle you. Or hurt you,” he rasped, clutching his lower ribs. 

Your heart rate was up, adrenaline coursing through your body. “Rhys, what the hell?” You hissed. 

“Could you stop pointing that knife in my face?”

“No, not until you explain why the fuck you felt the need to jump me like that.”

“Jonathan,” Rhys said, directing his gaze to the manor for a moment. “I noticed him walking back to the house from where I had left him in the woods. I couldn’t let him see us. Or more specifically, you.”

Jonathan — Professor Jonathan Moore? You suddenly remembered Roald mentioning how he had thought Jonathan was the killer. Something about him having seen Jonathan move Gemma’s dead body. You realised Rhys had never actually explained that part of the story to you. 

“What the fuck does he know that you felt the need to do that?”

“It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got all the time in the world.”

Rhys sighed, running a hand down his face.

“I met Jonathan a couple weeks ago at Sundry House,” he began without opposing you, accurately gathering you wouldn’t let this go.

And that’s when Rhys succinctly explained to you the whole Jonathan Moore situation — or should you call him Joe? From Malcolm’s body in Jonathan’s kitchen all the way to what had transpired earlier. Apparently, Kate and Jonathan had found Gemma’s body and decided the best approach would be to get rid of her. Christ, were the rich all psychopaths? Although Jonathan wasn’t rich. No, he was a plain ol’ university professor — one who lectured your sister. What a bloody mess.

Ultimately, Roald had spotted Jonathan with Gemma’s body outside the manor and he had placed him under citizen’s arrest, so to speak. Roald then decided to play judge, jury and executioner — going after Jonathan with a rifle, steering him into the woods. He’d almost killed Jonathan had it not been for Rhys sneaking up to him and hitting him in the back of the head with a large log. When Rhys walked over to where Jonathan laid on his back, he had gotten a glimpse of Rhys before he’d kicked Jonathan in the face. Rhys had left Jonathan unconscious in the woods, opting to take Roald back with him and pin all the murders on him. 

You remained silent for a moment when Rhys finished. In the meantime, you had put down the knife. You rubbed your temple, feeling a headache form. What impossible situation had you found yourself in…

“So why didn’t we also just kill Jonathan? Kill two birds with one stone, literally. He obviously knows too much. He knows you’re the killer, now.” 

“Because I have other things in mind for him,” Rhys answered, cryptic.

“Would you care to elaborate on that? What the hell does that even mean?”

Rhys moved towards you, slowly this time, balancing on a single knee as he took your hands in his from where you also still kneeled next to your duffle. 

“Listen to me,” he said earnestly. “I will tell you everything, I promise. But we can’t do that here. You need to leave before anyone discovers Roald, before the cavalry arrive.”

His eyes pleaded with you, genuine concern in them. You looked down at your intertwined hands. Rhys’ touch grounding you after that little incident, calming the rage that had flooded you when you thought for a moment that it had all been a ploy. You hadn’t been scared of Rhys before, and you weren’t now. But what had scared you was the possibility of this bond you felt being a deception ­— that it wasn’t real.

“Okay,” you said, choosing to believe him. “But promise me one more thing.”

“What?”

“Don’t ever — and I mean ever — startle me like that again. Because I will shoot you.”

“Understood,” he said, squeezing your hands.

You both looked up at the same time as you noticed a few lights turn on inside Hampsbridge House. Probably Jonathan. 

“We need to get you out of here, come on,” Rhys said, straightening to his full height, letting go of your hands.

You pressed your lips together at the loss of his touch before finally retrieving your car keys and zipping up your bag. You stood and flung the duffle bag over your right shoulder, following Rhys. When you reached the edge of his security’s outside perimeter, he held out his hand in front of you, forcing you to stop and turn to him.

“Us separating is going to be our first step in building trust.”

Trust, the crucial and terrifying five-letter word.

“We’ve clearly got a long way to go,” you huffed.

“Ah, you could say that,” Rhys agreed, inclining his head. He briefly broke eye contact when he looked down, the muscle in his jaw appearing as he clenched it. A sense of determination overtook him. Then he rolled back his head to look you in the eyes again, taking one self-assured step towards you, stepping into your space. 

“I will see you in a couple of hours. And don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you,” Rhys promised, his voice low.

You nodded, softly biting your lip. The action made him glance down at your lips, his pupils dilating perceptibly. And with that, Rhys turned on his heels to walk back towards Hampsbridge House, simultaneously taking the first step in your thus far fragile trust. You readjusted the strap of your duffle bag on your shoulder, silently watching him disappear in the distance for a minute before turning in the opposite direction. It was time to go home.

––

The clock in your living room chimed exactly ten times the moment you stepped foot in your apartment. The trip back had taken you longer than you’d initially hoped. By the time you arrived in London, your first stop was to return the rental car. Since your go-to rental place — they easily accepted cash, no questions asked — was almost on the complete opposite side of the city, it had taken you a while to get home through the start of London rush-hour. Now, you were just in desperate need of a shower. And possibly a nap. But whatever, sleep was for the dead, right?

You knew Rhys was likely on his way to you right now. In the car, you’d turned on the local radio station and had already noted them reporting on an incident that had occurred at Hampsbridge House. News travelled fast. You wondered if it had anything to do with a certain impatient, blue-eyed politician who had made it very clear he wanted to be near you again as soon as possible.

You got your phone out of your duffle and grabbed the charger, plugging it in. Then you turned on the tv absentmindedly before heading straight for your shower. You could faintly hear the mentioning of Hampsbridge House on the news channel when you let the water run.

You moaned as your body with all its aching muscles made contact with the hot water. In the past 48 hours your body had been through a lot. You had been chilled to the bone, drugged, shackled, slept on the thinnest and most uncomfortable mattress known to mankind, and then of course had thrown a couple of punches. You didn’t feel bad for Rhys, though. He had it coming. 

The man had to learn you could fend for yourself and that you wouldn’t simply be man-handled into any situation. Afterwards, you didn’t think that had been his intention. Perhaps it was just a surge of fear and protectiveness he had felt for you. 

You reeled a little at the fact you had actually chosen to work with the man who had been the cause of most of your hardship the past few days. Your conscience was still scolding you for that in the back of your mind. But every other part of you tried to convince yourself it was okay. That this was somehow the right choice. You usually had a finer equilibrium when it came to your head and feelings. Apparently, Rhys was able to cause quite the interference on that mind-body connection within you, that fact in and of itself being slightly alarming. All of this was completely unknown territory you treaded in, for both of you.

One step at a time, you reminded yourself. 

First, back to the basics. Lockwood didn’t know who you were, so that would still buy you both some time to plan and get it right. Fuck, you were really doing this. And if you were doing this, you knew you had to go all the way. Which meant that it wouldn’t stop after Lockwood. No, you weren’t that ignorant. You had seen the look in Rhys’ eyes. Lockwood would only be the beginning. 

When you got out of the shower and changed into some fresh new clothes, the first thing you did was check your phone. It had been well over a day since you had last checked it. You grabbed it from the kitchen cabinet where you had left it to charge and unplugged it. 

After you entered your passcode, the screen lit up with a few messages from your best friend — yes, you actually had a friend, Claire. You’d met during college and had always stayed in touch. She was really the only other person besides your sisters you were able to tolerate for an extended period of time. Though, you hadn’t spoken to her since you got back from Canada. You read through her messages, proposing to meet up for lunch soon. You were about to answer them but scrolling further made your heart stop. 

Six missed calls. From Zoe. 

A feeling of sudden dread overcame you. Zoe never tried to call you this many times when she knew you were away for work. Her and Sadie knew better than to disturb you during work. You always blamed a stern boss for that, but really you just needed to be radio silent when stalking and murdering your target. Because of that, Zoe either texted you or in a case of an emergency send you a text and make one phone call to let you know there was something up. This far exceeded that. On top of that, you hadn’t received a single text.

Without hesitating you pressed call. You paced into your living room, hearing the dial tone continue until, after thirty excruciating seconds, it stopped. She hadn’t picked up. Fuck. You tried Sadie’s number, but that was also a dead end. You were about to throw something out of sheer frustration when you stopped dead in your tracks, the images on your tv demanding your attention.

You stood completely frozen in shock, bulging eyes transfixed on your tv as you watched the news footage of what was evidently your childhood home going up in flames. You recognised the street and the neighbouring houses, but also your sister’s bike that was chained to the fence in front of the house that was currently engulfed in a fire. The hand holding your phone slowly dropped to your side. 

The footage showed how the windows had all been blown out. Raging flames and thick black smoke emerging from inside. The light-yellow colour of your childhood home’s front was now turning a dark grey from all that smoke. At least a dozen firefighters were running around, trying to control the fire. There was no doubt inside of you that this all-consuming blaze would destroy anything and anyone inside. 

No, no, no. This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening.

“Firefighters are trying everything they can to save neighbouring houses but the flames are—” You tuned out, the rush in your ears preventing you from hearing the remainder of the news event’s account.

Zoe… Sadie… 

You blinked back sudden tears. Had they made it out? They were both smart and alert — they had to have made it out. You glanced down at your phone that you were gripping so hard it was a miracle the device hadn’t yet shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. Your sister had called six times. Which means they’d at least been awake at the time the fire had started, or shortly thereafter. But where were they now? They weren’t answering their phones, which didn’t help your anxiety one bit.

Your instincts finally kicked in and pulled you out of your frozen state. Without another thought, you ran for the door, nearly overturning a lamp when you hastily grabbed your keys and purse with trembling hands. You’d barely heard the front door close behind you as you were already sprinting down the stairs. When you made it down, you quickly rounded the corner, almost running straight into someone. You staggered back, holding out your arm to the wall for support. 

“Christ almighty, Y/N. Where are you off to in such a rush?”

Rhys’ voice brutally snapped you out of your single-minded focus to just go. He was holding two cups of steaming coffee and a brown paper bag filled with, presumably, your ‘make-up’ breakfast in his left hand, keys dangling in his other. He wore a lazy smile that slowly fell off his face when he noticed the downright trepidation in your body language. 

“What happened?” Rhys asked, alarmed. 

You opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. Within a second Rhys was there, practically dropping the coffee and paper bag on the old carpet. His hands landed on your shoulders whilst he dipped his head to your eye level, demanding your focus with a single imploring look.

“I— I need to go,” you stammered. “It’s, I just— please.” 

Diverting your gaze, you glanced over his shoulder at your apartment building’s front door. There was no time. 

“Hey, look at me, Y/N. Look at me. Breathe,” Rhys soothed. You squeezed your eyes shut, taking one deep shuddering breath before opening them to recast your attention to Rhys.

“Good girl. Now, tell me what happened,” he said, Rhys’ calm and steady voice currently your only lifeline to sanity. 

“There has been a fire in my childhood home. My sisters live there,” you said, your voice slightly cracking at the end. “They tried to call me but my phone was dead and I just saw it only now, it’s on the news channel, and—” Rhys cut off your rambling by pressing you to him, wrapping his strong arms around you. 

Your vision blurred a little, tears threatening to spill once more. You didn’t normally get this emotional, but they were your sisters. Yours to protect. And now you might have failed them. Your mother — that fucking piece of shit. If she was the cause behind all of this… 

Let’s just say that to voice those next thoughts would be too brutal, even for you. 

Rhys slowly nodded to himself as he leaned back from your embrace, not fully letting you go. You noticed his jaw set and the vein in his neck pulse. He undoubtedly had the same thoughts about your mother as you had. Rhys moved his hand from your shoulder to your sweaty palm in one smooth motion, squeezing reassuringly as he laced your fingers. 

“Come on,” he beckoned as he pulled you along towards your apartment’s entrance. You felt the tiniest bit of tension lift, knowing Rhys wouldn’t let you face whatever awaited you alone. 

–––– 

A/N: I did warn you about the drama, didn’t I? 

A little update on the total number of parts this fic will be: uhm so I’ve been planning out all of the plotlines that I want to incorporate in this story and the total number of chapters currently comes down to 25… Remember when I said this was supposed to be a one shot way back? Yeah, that one aged well. I just have too many (fun) ideas and things in mind for our fave couple. Let me know if there’s something you’d really like to see happen in this fic and who knows… maybe I can work something out :)

[cloudninetonine]

*hands you a mug of coffee, blinks at the wink and nudge and squints while downing my own mug* ... Well I now have One (1) Sleep Deprived Fear and way too many theories. Though I wouldn't want to bother you with them and sleep deprivation won't let me articulate them xD

On another note, hope you're doing good today. And on a scale of one to ten, how concernedly would Player react if I just, took one of my two guitars, and smashed it hard against both Chrono's and Paradox's heads and knees to vibe check them? Out of curiosity (I have a hot pink one as a gag gift and spare, may as well put it to good use), or a heated frying pan? Also an absolute mood on regards to Leon.S.Kennedy.

Something something, Craein and Player piece in the works (I feel bad for Wild's and Twilight's villain doubles, but at the same time not really, go get some fucking therapy before trying to get near the Guide you crazy hyenas doomed by the narrative, also Craein and Player literally just being the spiderman meme for a couple of seconds) along with the Lora two shot because I have no self control (confirming Oh Hellos and Celtic Woman songs will be used). Snippets incoming once I'm less sleep deprived.

Something something, Fairy Instinct moment for the boys can be when Player is wearing green because funnily enough it's actually a color the Fae are very protective off and they can get offended if people they don't approve of wear it, so Hyrule, his shadow and Time just gravitate towards Player even more than normal when they wear green because not only is it a color associated with the heroes but also with the Fae, and some cultures have the medieval custom of braiding flowers in the intended's hair during courtships or of placing flower crowns, so Player just nonchantly braiding flowers into a Link's hair while they frantically and internally PANIC because they can't tell if Player is saying they want something serious or not, honestly the one's most affected would likely be Hyrule and Wild due to the nature of their eras (Downfall and Post Calamity specially, y'all telling me rings wouldn't be rare/expensive make unless someone brought the materials beforehand? Specially promise rings and the sorts if you don't go to the right place? Actually maybe Twilight and Time too, I don't know why I can see that as an Ordonian or Kokiri custom, throw in Dawn on that ring too, Flora not so much because she literally missed years of culture evolution holding the calamity back, she probably still slips into pre Calamity customs), Add in the fact it's basically an unspoken promise and the boys just internally die. Also Player taking a cue from Princess Bride and just saying "As you wish." Whenever they chicken out of actually saying I love you to the Links or Zelda's and the sheer and utter bafflement or confusion, though I feel like some of them might be able to put two and two together.

Anyway, I'll be napping now, see y'all after TOTK probably.

-Just an Awkward and Tired Summertime Musician.

Sum, if Player saw you beat both Paradox and Chrono with your guitar they'd probably just join you via their boots and kick some teeth in- these men will experience no mercy with them IOUFDHFI

Leon Kennedy, once again, could tear my heart out and I would only ask he be gentle with it as it now belonged to him. (God I am so down bad for this man)

Also I'm excited for the fics! That your time tho (By now tho you've probably written a novel 💀💀💀 I'm sorry ya'll)

Also from your idea with the green comes another idea- (Not this isn't canon before anyone asks) Green being a very prestigious and expensive colour to wear due to it's association with the fae (and is often a gift from fairies to Hylians and is why most of the boys wear green) so when other fairies find out about the "Guide's return!" there's just baskets of bejeweled, blessed and such clothes left for Player all in the colour of green.

[reddie-ao3feed]

Putrefaction

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/JgjnqHR by spillwys_slvts "Rich?" "Richie?" "Richard." Eddie's harsh voice brought Richie out of his thoughts, his head snapping down at him. Even when sitting down, Eddie was still tiny. "What is it, short stack?" Richie said, forcing a smile. Eddie rolled his eyes, pushing Richie's can of beans closer to him. "You've barely touched your food. You need to eat." Eddie's tone was firm, but Richie couldn't help but find it adorable. Richie leaned back against the dusty couch behind him, looking up to see the rest of the losers sitting in a circle with him, all busy chatting or eating their food. "Well, maybe I could eat if it wasn't fuckin' beans. Seriously, how is this the only thing left?" Richie lifted his can, shoving it in Eddie's face. It had been six months since everything went to shit, and the only thing Richie was most annoyed about at this point was having to eat beans every night. Eddie let out a frustrated huff, pushing the can back towards Richie. "Don't care. Eat." or the losers have been flung into a world full of pain, hatred and death and only have each other as they try to navigate this mess of a world Words: 1202, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: IT - Stephen King, IT (Movies - Muschietti) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: F/M, M/M Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Aged-Up Character(s), they're all 18/19, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Richie Tozier Has ADHD, No Smut, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and humor if you squint, The Last of Us Universe, Cordyceps Fungus (The Last of Us), Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, I tried to keep these guys in character but i suck at writing so ig we'll see how it goes :lipbite:, Trans Male Character, Richie Tozier is Bad at Feelings, Implied Sexual Content, yes the title is from a ghost song sue me, its from Guleh/Zombie Queen if you care... :lipbite:, Richie Tozier is Not Okay, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, POV Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, The Losers Club Are Good Friends (IT), Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), the losers can only take so much trauma so pennywhore had to go, Stanley Uris is So Done, Stanley Uris Loves Richie Tozier, Unrequited Love, but not actually, kind of, just read it, i love stozier can you blame me?, Author Is Sleep Deprived, The Author Regrets Nothing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Tragedy, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Trans Stanley Uris, asexual bill denbrough, aromantic bill denbrough, Asexual Character, Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Young Adult Losers Club (IT), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Eddie Kaspbrak Has Panic Attacks, Eddie Kaspbrak Has Nightmares, Eddie Kaspbrak Has a Bad Time, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, From multiple losers, Sorry Not Sorry, but i am sorry, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Esteem Issues, Weapons read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/JgjnqHR

[allylikethecat]

I actually didn't know about their history from 9 years ago, I was relatively new to listening to Taylor's music and I didn't really have any kind of online present so I never knew until it was brought up recently because of their relationship in the last few days, so I got curious about them which made me look for ff about them and this was the only one I could find, and it's astonishing to me how I can clearly visualize them while reading it. I guess the thing that really drew me about this possible relationship is their long relationship as friends and some videos I keep seeing, where on some concerts Matty said that he wrote a song that help him in romance I guess and he implied that "about you" was the one that work and some are saying that maybe he wrote that song for Taylor, and on those shows he also said something like "I got something real to tell you guys" and began to sing me & you together song from the lyric "I've been in love with her for ages, and I don't seem to get it right, I've been in love with her in stages, my whole life" and then proceeded to sing from the beginning of the song, and the next show he said "I've been trying to tell you guys" and proceeded to do the same thing. I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or not but I'm really happy for both of them regardless of their relationship right now. I guess the appeal for me lies in whatever could've been then that never happen, and that now that they're reconnecting and getting the chance of exploring whatever that was, but with them being more mature persons and having experience others relationships that helped them grow, our in other words in 2014 the "right person wrong time" phrase was what happen to them but now may be the right time to pursue more between them. What do you think? Do you also have that feeling of wanting them working this time around?

I'm sleep deprive so whatever I wrote may not even make sense but thank you for taking the time to read this anyway.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out! Especially about Matty and Taylor! It blows my mind that at least last time I checked, I was the only one writing a Matty / Taylor fic, and it blows my mind even more that I started it ages ago and posted it before all the speculation about their present day relationship. I'm so thankful and honored that people are reading it and enjoying it, even with polarizing speculation about their IRL personal lives.

I'm so happy to hear that when reading you're able to really see them and get a feel for their fictional characterization- both are such public figures, it's interesting to me to create the fictionalized version of them that can be found behind closed doors. Especially in the context of 2014 /2015, which were crazy years in both of their careers, and also extremely messy times for their personal lives and the pieces of them that they have shared. I'm having a lot of fun exploring how a relationship- even a fake one, between the two would have changed the trajectory of their careers and lives, and I hope you continue to enjoy reading it as well!

As for their present day IRL potential relationship- I just really hope that whatever is, or is not going on between them, makes both of them really happy. 😊 As a fan of both, I know Matty isn't perfect and has made (a lot) of mistakes, and also think that Taylor is human like the rest of us and just because she's brilliant doesn't mean she needs to be put on a pedestal. I hope that their fans can treat both of them with respect because at the end of the day, what happens between them is between THEM, we don't know them IRL and we probably never will, AND at the end of the day, whatever is or isn't going on between them does not ACTUAL effect us in anyway, since it is not OUR potential relationship in question. HOWEVER, that said I am having a blast writing my fictionalized account of a Fake PR Relationship between the two and how they will make each other both better, and worse.

Thank you so much for reading and for reaching out! I'm sorry for writing you another novel!

❤️Ally

[thefanficmonster]

Phone Call Anxiety

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When wanting to make quality merch, one needs a quality team there to produce and work on quality ideas. Great minds think alike. Great eyes see alike and great hands make alike - the three keys to the formula of creating a clothing line that will be fashionable and up to his brand. Luckily, Corpse knows just who to call.

Requested by Anon. Hi hun! Thank you so much for your wonderful request, I absolutely loved the idea! Sorry you’ve had to wait for it to be turned into a fic for so long, but I still hope you come across it and give it a read in which case I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

He’s not a fan of phone calls. Anyone who knows him even remotely is very well informed on Corpse’s distaste for phone calls and upholding a conversation over the phone. He’d even go as far as to say talking to a person face to face is less stressful for him than that previous option.

But still, seeing as how the person he’s trying to reach lives in a different state and is rather busy all the time, arranging an IRL meeting is basically impossible at the moment, and sending her a text results in running the risk of having the text overlooked or completely lost in the sea of notifications she probably gets on the daily.

Therefore, a phone call was his only proper way of reaching her. And it’s what’s got him pacing the room with his nervousness peaking.  He doesn’t know anything about this girl, nothing concrete at least. He was referred to her by Jack who brought her up in their passing conversation when Corpse mentioned how paranoid he was regarding his upcoming merch project. He specifically stated he doesn’t want anything basic and he wants the clothes to be fashionable, suitable for anyone no matter the age or gender and to be endurable. With all the love he has for his fans, he doesn’t want to give them anything less than what they deserve - the best.

“My friend’s the person you’re looking for.“ Jack said enthusiastically and confidently, “She helped me design the latest merch line I put out and I’ve never been more satisfied with my own merch. I’m planning on offering her a position in Cloak for her birthday. Make sure not to let that one slip out if you give her a call though.“ He warned half-jokingly. 

Bottom line, with that kind of intro, Corpse couldn’t help but let his interest be piqued. And so, he asked for this girl - Y/N’s contact info from Jack before he went to surf through her social media where she thankfully posted plenty of pictures of her creations, never failing to mention specifications in the caption of each picture so the viewers would get the perfect and most detailed idea of how high the standard for her work is.

And so he’s finally managed to talk himself into dialing her number that’s been sitting in his phone for weeks now. As he paces his living room, his nerves chewing him out like a dog would with a toy, listening to the ear piercing ring of the dial waiting to get picked up by the girl he’s trying to reach. 

Just then, Corpse’s head turns so that his eyes meet the glowing red numbers on his digital clock on his desk and he damn near hangs up the call right away - it’s half an hour past midnight. Fast as lightning, he removes the phone from his ear, his thumb flying over to press the red ‘end call’ button. Just then, a faint ‘hello’ reaches his ears, coming from the phone’s speaker. She’s answered the call.

He hurries to put the phone back up to his ear.

“Hey, sorry for taking so long to pick up, I ought to clean my desk eventually cause my phone was literally BURIED under a pile of papers.“ A cheerful sing-song voice rattles his stale and sleep deprived consciousness, as if awakening him from a half-dream state. “You’re either a wrong number caller or a last minute client, aren’t you? Need something done urgently?“

Corpse is taken the hell aback by her strong and downright awing first impression. Not to mention her energy at an hour unsuitable for calls. Lord knows he wouldn’t have picked up if her were in her spot. With the intention of not wasting any more of her time than necessary, he hurries to explain his situation. “Y/N, right? Um no, I’m neither actually. I was told about you by a friend, he said you were a real miracle-doer with fashion design.” He trails off for a second, not completely sure of how to hold this conversation, “Uh, sorry for the odd timed call, I lost track of time. I’ve been meaning to call you for hours now but I...I was nervous.” He cringes the second the word leaves his lips, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He doesn’t know why he wants to leave her with a great, better than realistic impression of himself but he does and as of now he deems his attempts as ultimate failures.

He hears her giggle from her end, rifling through what sounds to be papers, “Yeah, I’m her. And boy is it refreshing to get someone who’s calling with an actual purpose.” She sighs as if a weight’s been lifted off her shoulders, “And don’t worry about the phone call anxiety. Makes two of us, to be honest.”

This catches him off-guard. The last thing he’d expect is for this girl to have phone call anxiety. In fact, she appears to be a natural, God-given talent at carrying conversations and upholding chit-chat with people. Maybe he’s a little too quick to judge - probably, considering he’s ‘known’ her for less than five minutes and knows nothing but her occupation, her name and the state she lives in - but that bubbly persona she greeted him with gave off the impression that it’s immune to any and all kinds of social anxiety - or anxiety in general. To hear such an honest and counter-to-assumptions confession on her part rattles him a tiny bit. In a good way though.

“How does that work for you? Isn’t your whole job depending on your phone conversational skills?“ He doesn’t mind that he didn’t phrase that too perfectly or that he straight up blurted it out. He knows he’ll be understood. She’s obviously a person who understands. Not just something specific, but everything. She simply understands. How he drew this conclusion and how accurate it is, he may not know until further notice.

“Well...“ she sighs as if genuinely looking to give him a proper answer, “You see, after doing it for so long and having been caught off guard quite a few times with some absolutely absurd orders, I’ve grown prepared of literally ANYTHING and I have a line prepared for anything the caller has to say. I just no longer let them catch me off guard and it’s fine. Helps avoid any possible awkward silences.“

Corpse’s eyebrows shoot up, her explanation only raising more questions rather than providing answers. But he’s not gonna be the annoying dumbass asking those questions at close to 1AM and bugging her. After all, if she agrees to this partnership, they’ll be hearing and potentially seeing a lot more of each other soon. “Impressive, honestly. You’re gonna need to teach me sometime.“ He’s unaware he’s smiling until he catches his reflection in the window. However, he doesn’t bother hiding it. This conversation is actually making him feel good, serving as a reminder that he’s not the only one who periodically goes through turmoil over small things. 

She giggles again, this time the sound manages to draw a blush out of him, coating his cheeks, “I’d typically stray for revealing my secrets to professional success, but I’m willing to make an exception for you...” she pauses for a second as though she’s just now remembered something, “Oh shoot, I don’t even know your name.”

He wheezes out a nervous laugh, realizing he never introduced him, “Oh yeah, sorry, that’s my bad. My name’s Corpse, nice to meet ya.”

“Nice to meet you too, Corpse.“ Y/N replies, sounding pleased but teasing simultaneously, “Now tell me, you didn’t call me about my phone call secrets, did you? What may be the real purpose of your call?“

Oh shoot, he himself almost forgot what he was calling for. Luckily, the reference designs displayed on his computer screen remind him. “Right, well, I’ve been thinking of launching a new merch line either this month or the next, depending on how long the procedure will take, and I needed someone great on my team to make some merch actually worth the money people are paying for it. And, as I said, I was told you were in that ‘someone great’ category.”

“Told by who, if you don’t mind me asking?“ She briefly cuts him off, her voice now giving away the fact that she’s half-absent-minded in this conversation, added evidence be the ruffling of more papers on her end.

“Jack. I mean, Sean. You know, Jacksepticeye.“ Corpse explains, contemplating whether he should’ve ratted Jack out like that. Hearing the sound of delight Y/N lets out eases his worries ASAP though.

“Oh Gosh, I haven’t seen that cutie in so long! He’s like a brother to me so a friend of Jack’s is a friend of min-“ this time she cuts herself off so abruptly Corpse thought the line was cut or she hung up on him. She doesn’t let him wonder for long though, “Wait, wait, wait....Merch? And you’re friends with Jack?“ She pauses for a second once again, once again not a long enough second for Corpse to speak up. “You’re a famous YouTuber, aren’t you?“

He was completely unaware of the fact Y/N hadn’t realized he was someone famous yet. In fact, he didn’t think of it because he thought it wouldn’t be a big deal to her considering she’s friends with Jack-fucking-septiceye! In his mind, his ranking is far lower than Jack’s - despite that mindset being absurd - so the last thing he expected was for her to have some sort of impressed reaction to have been talking to him on the phone this whole time. Hell, she doesn’t even know his full YouTube name or what kind of content he produces.

“WAIT!“ She shouts urgently, startling him a tiny bit, “You’re Corpse Husband, aren’t you? Oh my God, yes you are, how didn’t I put it together sooner? Ah crap, I really need more coffee for this.“

“No! No, you need more sleep.“ Corpse hurries to correct her but is very clearly ignored or overlapped with the many sounds that are coming from her end, “What are you doing?“

“You’re getting the first rough sketch of a design by tomorrow morning.“ She says, taking a sip of whatever beverage she’s acquired for the purpose of keeping her awake, “You go ahead and get some sleep, I know exactly what I’m doing. Don’t worry about it.“

“I’m not worried about the design.“ He hurries to say before she, God forbid, hangs up on him, “It’s 1AM, woman, you need sleep! I don’t need those designs done by tomorrow. Hell, I don’t even need them this week!“

“You don’t, but I do.“ Y/N says, sounding almost breathless because of what seems to be overwhelming excitement, “You don’t get it - I’m designing merch for Corpse fucking Husband! You have any idea how crazy that is?“

“I personally would say it’s underwhelming. I mean, I’m no Pewdiepie, after all.“ He says, now sat at his desk with his free hand rubbing his temple as he stares at the designs he’s pulled up on his screen, ones he probably won’t need given that he’s now working with a professional.

“Oh, shut it.“ She chuckles, “Shut it and get some sleep, ok? I’ll talk to you in the morning.“

“Noooo...“ He leisurely stretches the word, “Tell me, Y/N, do you have Discord?” She clicks her tongue instantly, giving him a signal that the question he’s asked is bordering into the territory of ridiculous. He playfully rolls his eyes, “Alright then, lemme find you. If we’re partnering up on this, we’re both staying up.”

“You know you can just straight up tell me you don’t fully trust me with this? Like, I won’t be offended, I get it.“ She murmurs in-thought, the sound of clicking evident on her end. 

“You know you can just straight up tell me you don’t want me bothering you and want me to leave you alone?“ He mimics her statement, smirking to himself as he pulls up Discord, knowing he’s already won.

She huffs and tells him her Discord info, quickly adding a small comment, “...but only because great minds think alike. I know we’ll be getting along on this design pretty nicely.”

“Yeah, yeah, right, sure, whatever you say.“ He laughs, “Accept my friend request and let’s drop this phone call.“

“Hey! - um, before we do that, I just wanna say a quick thank you.“ Y/N murmurs quietly, as if half-hoping he doesn’t hear her.

“For what?“ Corpse asks, his brows furrowing, unsure if they’re on the same page about this gratitude.

“For never once triggering my phone call anxiety.“ She admits, “I mean, I know I said I have lines prepared for every conversation scenario possible, but you totally caught me off-guard.“ She giggles a tiny bit, now sounding dangerously close to nervous, “But, not in a bad way, if that makes sense. Sorry if it doesn’t, I need more coffee.“

“No, no, it does!“ He hurries to reassure her, “It really does. And thank you too. Thank you for, you know, tolerating my BS at this hour. God knows I would’ve ignored your call if our roles were reversed.“

He hears her scoff and can’t help but laugh, “Huh ok, I see.“ She says, sounding greatly triggered and mock-pissed at his confession, “I’ll make sure to think of that next time you call me after midnight. Or at all, ever.“

Laughing his butt off, the only thing Corpse can think of in this moment is:

Damn, this girl and I are gonna get along

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin ��@manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

[girl-next-door-writes]

The votes are in and this Christmas you are getting...

BOTH! Apparently both is good so I'm just going to run with it. Right, your work isn't done yet. Below are 3 lists, take a look, I can wait.

Right, so send me a message in whatever way you wish with one of my lovely boys above and a prompt from 2 or all 3 of the lists below and I will pour them into the hat of imagination and produce a fic.

My Christmas fics will be posted each and every day from the 1st of December to the 23rd December. Now, some of the very observant will notice you only get 10 Hux and 10 Mycroft which leaves 3 days. That's right. In those 3 days you will be getting a GEORGE WEASLEY fic. Well, part of a 3 part fic.

Now, I realise it is September, but I have a LOT of writing to do so please take a look at the list and let me know what your winning combo is.

List 1: Dialogue

"I'm sensing I'm being mocked for something."

“What is the appropriate amount of cleavage to show in this kind of event?"

“I thought I saw you duck out of the party. Brought you champagne.”

“I want you to know that it’s really concerning how many times I have walked in on you trying to sleep standing up.”

“I’m sleep deprived enough to ignore that.”

“Did you put the mistletoe here just so you had an excuse to kiss me?”

“Are— Are you taking down the mistletoe?”

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Secret Santa is the bane of my existence.”

“I’ve always hated Christmas, but I think you’ve changed my mind.”

“I wasn’t going to let you spend Christmas alone.”

“I’ll have to stay the night. I’m not going out in that snowstorm.”

“I think you’ve just made the naughty list.”

“Did you really get us matching Christmas sweaters?”

“You didn’t need to bring that, your presence is enough of a gift to me.”

“You didn’t think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?”

“I can’t believe no one has spiked the eggnog yet”

“Oh, how convenient, mistletoe”

“There’s more tape on that present than wrapping paper”

“Normally, I’d say no, but I’m on my 14th candy cane so why not?”

“Look out! It’s Icy!”

“How many Christmas sweaters do you own?”

List 2: Situations

One room left in a hotel during a snowstorm

Christmas shopping together

Christmas dinner spent with their family

Gift wrapping together

Christmas work parties

Getting each other for Secret Santa

Cuddling and watching Christmas movies

Slipping on an icy pavement

Dancing to Christmas songs

Hot Chocolate

Christmas jumpers

Fake Dating

Matchmaking

Writing Christmas Cards together

Decorating

Snowed in

First Christmas together

First meeting

Mutual Pining

First Kiss

Mistaken Identity

Drunk Confessions

List 3: Songs

"All I Want for Christmas Is You"

"Last Christmas"

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"

"I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday"

"You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch"

"River" by Joni Mitchell

"The Twelve Days of Christmas"

"Fairytale of New York"

"The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)"

"The Christmas Song"

"Blue Christmas"

"White Christmas"

"I'll Be Home For Christmas"

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"

"Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!"

"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

"Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt

"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

"Baby It's Cold Outside"

"Something Stupid"

"Santa Claus is Coming To Town"

"Christmas Light"

Tagging a few people who might be interested:

@sweetjedi @musicalmuffindog1410 @mylifeisactuallyamess @magicwelshwizard @alldaysdreamers @annnabeth @bookcasewraith @vintagevalentinex @7-percent @mod-comedy @hiddleyfan @sosfangirl

[jangmi-latte]

Can I request a oneshot/x Reader with Malleus Draconia? Reader is very shy, timid, but overall sweet and bubbly and talented. She goes somewhere she thinks she is alone and sings her heart out to a sad song? but Malleus is there and hears it. He confronts her and tries to raise her spirits and confidence. Fluffy maybe? Uwu sorry if this was long.. ❤️

❝ 𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐞 ❞

➻ content: milk and honey

➻ warnings: minor angst

➻ comments: i have a lot of requests that involves singing. anonie, you made me look for sad songs and i had to listen to a whole ass playlist followed by sad pianos. aaaaaaa i can finally write some angst!!

The rain poured that late afternoon.

The pitter-patter of droplets calmed you down as you stared outside of the classroom. It was five minutes before classes would end. The sounds of your professor’s voice were muffled in your ears as you watched nature unfold its tears in front of you. It’s tears being the life source of plants and rivers while also healing the souls of humans. The critters that would often bustle around the school campus now stay within their homes for shelter. The sun was barely seen as its beautiful colours now drowned behind the dark clouds. You assumed the rain would get heavier later on.

The bell rang and students began to pack their things, ready to head back to their dorms to finish homework and rest. Clubs were cancelled for today due to the rain and it would be unfair if outdoor clubs would only get the cancellation. However, you figured the rain won’t stop Malleus from doing his nightly rounds around his school either for his gargoyle research society or for his usual hobby. At least, that’s what you’ve heard from Lilia.

Yet, the rain didn’t stop you from secluding yourself from the others. Surely, the dorm would be a good place to run to, then sleeping on your warm bed while the rain poured. However, you couldn’t, not yet. Maybe, you could enjoy the rain during your little walk? Less likely. It’s not like you would see Malleus when you’re worlds apart. With your umbrella sheltering you from nature’s tears, you walked away from the school building and around the grounds. Luliton, Academy Of Sorcery’s grounds at night looked scary, that’s why you stayed where there were lights and stayed as near as you can around the mirror chamber. 

Yes, you could say Luliton was The Valley of Thorns’ own version of Night Raven College. It wasn’t that popular nor as prestigious as the said school but, itis the perfect school for you. It’s smaller than NRC, best fit for someone who likes to value their alone time.

You sighed and walked over to the hooded bridge near the mirror chamber. Nature’s tears love blending in with your mood, no? Perhaps, it’s because you miss your darling fae. Your friends have probably gone back to the dorm by now. It’s just you and nature while the time of crepuscule finally dawned on the earth. You closed your umbrella, hooking it on the bridge’s ledge, leaning your arms on the platform. It was peaceful. The lanterns were on yet the absence of fireflies somehow affected you.

You remember how Malleus would make fun of you by disappearing and appearing anywhere. Every time he would do that, small green firefly-like lights would dance around you. They would tickle your skin a lot.

My, why are you reminiscing as if he’s gone?

“Remember me…” you hummed, leaning on the bridge’s post. “Though I have to say goodbye… Remember me…” You reached your hand out from under the shelter. The rain dropped on your hand gently, drenching your uniform sleeve as the droplets fell to the flowing river under you. You tilted your head to the side as you watched the rain dance on your hand. Or is it, you, catching nature’s tears since no one would pay attention to it?

“Don’t let it make you cry…” You brought your hand back and dried it off. “For ever if I’m far away, I hold you in my heart…” You looked over at the other end of the bridge and began walking. You left your umbrella behind, not like it would disappear. “I sing a secret song to you… each night we are apart…” Your voice, calm and mellifluous, blended with the water hitting the soil. Subconsciously, maybe even not, you pushed yourself under the rain.

Her tears hitting your clothes and skin, drenching you almost immediately. You didn’t care, you wanted to accompany mother nature with her emotions. Is she in need of a hug right now if she were human would you run and give her one. Is it that you are touch-starved? How childish of you to suddenly miss your beloved. You remember…

“Remember me…”

“Though I have to travel far…”

...that night where you both were chosen by your schools. His was a black carriage, and yours was a golden one. It pained you to separate ways for your own good, but that’s the test. It won’t last long, it won’t take forever. It’s not like you won’t see each other again. The feared dark fae would’ve been smirking and teasing you by now if he saw the desperate look on your face. He knew you would miss him. Wouldn’t he be as well?

“Remember me…”

“Each time you hear a sad guitar…”

“Know that I’m with you…”

You dwelled deeper into the forest-like garden Luliton had. Your face was already wet in her tears, maybe even yours. You wouldn’t know. You missed him. It has been months since you last saw him. You wished he was doing his best. And you wished he was by your side, right now. Selfish is thee to hope, but not to force.

“The only way that I can be…”

“Until you’re in my arms again…”

Your voice cracked and you covered your mouth. Is it one of those moments where you saudade on the presence of the other? Perhaps. Homesickness was an understatement. You sniffled, looking up to the sky and watching as the ongoing droplets freely fell from the clouds. No stars painting the sky nor animals around to join you in your solemn walk. “Mal mal…” you sobbed and covered your eyes. Crying along as nothing can comfort you but nature’s own tears dropping on you.

“Why are you out here and not inside your dorm?”

You quickly spun around and slouched. Relaxing your shoulders as your eyes laid on your dragon’s form. More tears cascaded down your cheeks, lips quivering into a solemn smile just when you hastily ran over to him and wrapped your arms around his chest. You broke down into more sobs at the very moment that you felt his warm body against your cold and soaked frame. Your hands clenched on his clothes feeling that if you would let go, he would disappear.

Cliche, yes, but you’re in a state of wanting to be touched. 

“What’s wrong little beastie?” Malleus asked, a hand holding the umbrella above both of you and the other holding on your fragile form. He hears your cries, he heard your song. Though he already knew the answer, he wanted to hear it from you directly. Both you and Malleus are touch-deprived, even from those who are in the same school as you. “I miss you…” you hiccuped, “...so much. I look stupid b-but I really—” you fell into short breaths as you looked up at his green eyes.

He was smiling down at you. Smirking, maybe? You couldn’t tell. Either way, he was probably going to tease you again. “I wasn’t even gone that long. I just gave you a letter a week ago.” He tilted his head to the side, his lips stretching more, amused by your puffy nose and small hiccups. He likes the feeling of being missed. Makes him have a purpose in your life other than being your boyfriend.

“I don’t care…” you breathed out and hugged him tighter. “I want you. A-And if you’re going to tease me, do it already.” You buried your head on his chest before mumbling, “I missed that too…”

“My, little beastie, you’re such a cry baby.” He laughed and easily scooped you up. You adjusted your arms and wrapped them around his neck, hiding your flushed face from his view. “I know…” 

“And haven’t I warned you about going out when it’s raining? You’ll catch a cold.”

“I don’t care…” you huffed, starting to calm down from your break down. The presence of your man warming your whole body. “Gives me a better reason to have you by my side.”

“Little beastie, you know that doesn’t impress me in the slightest.” There goes his protective side. 

Perhaps, nature’s tears do bring some joy to others. She continues to cry down on her creations, cooling the atmosphere, feeding the plants, and hydrating other creatures. It is when in someone’s distress she would be of a company. She knows when it is time to bloom. Fret not, she will smile again and let the warmth on the sun light down on the future of a human and a fae.

[reddie-ao3feed]

Putrefaction

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/JgjnqHR by spillwys_slvts "Rich?" "Richie?" "Richard." Eddie's harsh voice brought Richie out of his thoughts, his head snapping down at him. Even when sitting down, Eddie was still tiny. "What is it, short stack?" Richie said, forcing a smile. Eddie rolled his eyes, pushing Richie's can of beans closer to him. "You've barely touched your food. You need to eat." Eddie's tone was firm, but Richie couldn't help but find it adorable. Richie leaned back against the dusty couch behind him, looking up to see the rest of the losers sitting in a circle with him, all busy chatting or eating their food. "Well, maybe I could eat if it wasn't fuckin' beans. Seriously, how is this the only thing left?" Richie lifted his can, shoving it in Eddie's face. It had been six months since everything went to shit, and the only thing Richie was most annoyed about at this point was having to eat beans every night. Eddie let out a frustrated huff, pushing the can back towards Richie. "Don't care. Eat." or the losers have been flung into a world full of pain, hatred and death and only have each other as they try to navigate this mess of a world Words: 3518, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English Fandoms: IT - Stephen King, IT (Movies - Muschietti) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: F/M, M/M Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Aged-Up Character(s), they're all 18/19, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Richie Tozier Has ADHD, No Smut, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and humor if you squint, The Last of Us Universe, Cordyceps Fungus (The Last of Us), Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, I tried to keep these guys in character but i suck at writing so ig we'll see how it goes :lipbite:, Trans Male Character, Richie Tozier is Bad at Feelings, Implied Sexual Content, yes the title is from a ghost song sue me, its from Guleh/Zombie Queen if you care... :lipbite:, Richie Tozier is Not Okay, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, POV Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, The Losers Club Are Good Friends (IT), Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), the losers can only take so much trauma so pennywhore had to go, Stanley Uris is So Done, Stanley Uris Loves Richie Tozier, Unrequited Love, but not actually, kind of, just read it, i love stozier can you blame me?, Author Is Sleep Deprived, The Author Regrets Nothing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Tragedy, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Trans Stanley Uris, asexual bill denbrough, aromantic bill denbrough, Asexual Character, Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Young Adult Losers Club (IT), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Eddie Kaspbrak Has Panic Attacks, Eddie Kaspbrak Has Nightmares, Eddie Kaspbrak Has a Bad Time, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, From multiple losers, Sorry Not Sorry, but i am sorry, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Esteem Issues, Weapons read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/JgjnqHR

[sanieee]

ℂ𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕄𝕚𝕟𝕖

Au: Non-idol au

Genre: Angst, fluff.

Summery: Are you lovers or strangers when you look eye to eye? You knew the answer when you asked him if you could call him yours.

Warnings: It may be longer than I expected it to be. Also, it was [again] inspired by The Chainsmokers. And it’s unedited so, if you see any mistakes, I will re-read it [for the 15th time] again. I’m making individual ones based on several songs.

Words: 2k 

“ᴰᵒⁿ'ᵗ ˡᵉᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵉᵐᵒʳʸ ᶠᵃᵈᵉ“

                       ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛

Hongjoong ︳Seonghwa  ︳Yunho  ︳Yeosang ︳San ︳Mingi ︳Wooyoung ︳Jongho

༛༛ ༛༛ ༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛ ༛༛  ༛༛

Meeting Wooyoung was unexpected. Ending up being his significant other was also out of the blue. Your whole relationship was unlooked for, but amazing nevertheless. But when it started to go down hill, you couldn’t help but think of the happier days. 

You walked in the bar, there were hundreds of conversations told in loud voices, all of them competing with the loud  music that resonated through the speakers. The crowd is young, students from university for the most part, and you were no exception. Your friends had been asking you to go out one night to the bar downtown with them, to have some fun and discuss some gossip if there was any. 

As you were looking for your friends, a pair of eyes were fixed on you since you stepped inside. He ran his fingers through his long dark locks, just to push away his bangs out of his eyesight the next second. He turned to his best friend, who was drinking away his problems. 

Taking away the glass from his hands, he nudged his shoulder.  A loud, “Who is she?” was heard by all the people at their table. Seven heads turned in different directions, but were quickly to turn back to him as they were not given any description of the girl he was looking for.  The oldest of the bunch took his glass up to his lips and after a sip asked “What does she look like?”

The younger boy laughed, and then described what you were wearing. After eight pairs of eyes were roaming through the whole bar, the youngest pointed at you with his head. “Her? She goes to my university.” He was not the type to go after someone for a long period of time, and his reputation of breaking hearts was well known, but he didn’t care as he saw your smile. 

He asked Jongho about you, and when he felt confident enough,  he got up his seat to go after you. He came up to you, tapped your shoulder and winked, you laughed as he told you:  “The name is Jung Wooyoung.” 

His presence was anticipated for you at first, but as the night progressed, you liked how easy going and funny he was, needless to say you had no intentions to push him away. You remember how much you laughed as he danced with you and tried to get you interested in him. But you were not the type of girl to go with the first guy that gives you attention. 

You thought he just liked you that night to have some fun, but it was a surprise to you when you saw him again in your campus. He claimed to pick up Jongho, but the boy was already an adult, so his lies were kind of messy. He brushed everything aside  and stuck to you for a few hours before leaving, and it happened for a few months. 

You were sure he was just playing with you, he would find another girl to trail after. His friends on the other hand, had never seen him so dedicated to anyone before. You claimed he was just a friend, and  he claimed you were going to be in his arms sooner or later. But did you feel anything for him? You weren’t sure. 

You weren’t sure until you saw him in a party hosted by one of your friends at the same bar you’ve met. He came up to you, asked you why you were there. “It’s Chan’s party, he’s my childhood friend so of course I came.” He handed you a glass with a smile, his arm around your shoulders as you looked for Chan. 

A few hours after, you were both sitting on the porch stairs. You took some pictures with both your phones, uploading some stories that you wouldn’t remember you posted in the morning. When the night was deep, when the lights had been on for a few hours, when you were drunk enough to forget you came with someone, you told him you were going home. 

But he didn’t want you to leave you yet. He wanted to spend more time with you. Taking you by the arm he asked you “Hey, what you doing for the rest of your life?" You knew what he wanted, and with a sly smirk you told him "Well, I don't even know what I'm doing tonight." 

He extended his hand to you, which you took softly, and the next thing you knew, you were running in the street towards the subway station. If people saw you, they would be worried while giving you weird glances, but you were having the time of your life. Later on, you were in front of the ticket machine, trying to get a ten trip pass. The reason why you didn't buy a ticket for each was because combining both your cash was at least  20$. 

You laughed as you took little steps to go up the station stairs after getting to your destination. He was pulling your arm with little to no strength, and you were leaning on the railing as your hair got in front of your face. 

When you finally climbed the stairs, Wooyoung pointed to a street stall. You both ran to get in line, and took out some of the left over cash you had in your pockets. He paid your order without landing his face on the floor and handed you a water bottle when he turned around. 

You sat on a bench as you leaned on him, sobering up as you ate French fries. When he asked you if you wanted an ice cream, you said yes as you got up and skipped over to a convenience store. 

And maybe it sounds so cliché, but he found you adorable when you picked your dessert. And he couldn’t stop looking at you as you smiled at him with the city lights behind. Maybe that’s why when he saw you had ice-cream at the corner of your lips, he bent down to give you a kiss.

It was sweet. It was soft. It was needy and it was all you would remember for the next few days. That night you felt free and totally forgot about all your problems. When you asked what it was for, he  claimed it was to wipe off the ice cream you had on your lips, since you didn’t have napkins. 

But let me tell you, it wasn’t the last time your lips collided. A few months had passed and it was clear you were more than friends, but nothing was official. Until he showed up at your university once again, and took you away from your friends, with their permission. 

While walking by the river, he had an urge to kiss you, and he did. Not surprised at all, you kissed him back, but as he pulled away he softly asked you a question you were surely not expecting. 

“Can I call you mine?”

You laughed shyly, taking him by his jacket while you nodded. 

But now he was busy, he didn’t have time for you. His college assignments were taking him away from you, and you couldn’t do much since you were also in your senior year. He got mad whenever you brought up how you were neglecting your relationship. And you stopped trying because the only thing it did was hurt you more. 

You talked about it with your friends, they told you to keep trying to talk to him because a relationship goes nowhere if there’s no communication. When you visited his dorm the next day, you went to his room to try again. 

But he was sleep deprived, he couldn’t think straight and he was absolutely not keeping up with you. When you had enough, you started screaming at each other. San and Jongho were in the living room, very aware that your relationship was not in its’ best moment. They were silent as they looked at their frozen phone screens, more interest in your… yelling. 

“Do you regret calling me yours?!” 

The boys knew it was over when they heard no response, and got surprised when you left with a loud bang while closing the door. When they went to Wooyoung, he was still in shock from your question. Of course he didn’t regret it, but he didn’t feel like you were in such bad terms for you to question his loyalty. San told him to man up and fix it, because if he didn’t, Jongho was going to slap some sense into him.

However, his actions weren’t done immediately. It took him several days to compose himself and imagine himself in your place. He did notice that you barely had time to see eye to eye. That sometimes he was in a rush and brushed past you as if you didn’t know each other. It felt like you were someone he knew, that you were slowly becoming strangers. 

However, with all the rage inside you, you decided to go out one night, tired of braking your head and thinking about him all day long. Dolling yourself up in front of your mirror and going to the bar downtown after calling some friends. And while you were drinking your third glass that night, Wooyoung passed through the door looking for you all alone. 

When he spotted you, he came and sat besides you on the bar stools, to try to get you to look at him. You did take a glace at him but looked the other way the second after. He sighed, he had to fix it but he didn’t know how so he went outside to clear his mind.  He left , which irked you a bit because you were convinced he was being a coward and letting all these years go to waste. 

As you hit the dance floor, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and saw Wooyoung who was looking down with a sad smile. When you asked him what was wrong, because something inside of you just couldn’t help but to feel worried, he winked at you. You had a confused expression on, but it quickly turned into a smirk when he finger gunned you and told you “The name is Jung Wooyoung.” 

You couldn’t stay mad at him when he was trying to act like you were meeting for the first time. But unlike your first meeting, he took you by the hand and guided you outside. You leaned on the wall, as silence came upon both. But he inhaled deeply and looked at you.

“I will make it up to you.”

“How? Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

He took both your hands, and brought you closer. His cologne smelled like home, he felt like home, you had the urge to hug him, but controlled yourself as you were still ‘mad’ at him. He brought your lips together, and closed the gap once your eyes weren’t looking at him anymore, but at his lips. 

When you separated, he laughed and you just rolled your eyes. You felt like that, that was the end of the night, you were going to go home, sleep and talk with him tomorrow. But he had other plans, as you walked away, he grabbed your arm.

“Hey, what you doing for the rest of your life?" 

You laughed wholeheartedly as you held onto him. 

 "Well, I don't even know what I'm doing tonight." 

Then just like before, you ran to catch the subway. Just like before, you barely had cash to pay individually. Just like before, you laughed your ass off as you tried to go up the stairs at the same station. But unlike before, neither of you were drunk, and you enjoyed your recreation even more than the original. 

You sat at the same bench you ate your French fries as he told you how sorry he was for neglecting your relationship, neglecting you. It wasn’t the best apology ever, I know, you know it, but it was sincere. Both of you promised to never let this happen again, and went to get the ice cream you bought at the same store previously.

As you finished, you were expecting a kiss afterwards, but you weren’t as sure because you had your messy eating habits out of your way. However, when he looked down at you, as he had his arm around your shoulders, he leaned to give you a gentle kiss. 

You smiled. He hugged you and snuggled up to you. All the anger banished away from you, and you weren’t mad at him anymore, you knew you could sort your chaotic schedules together. 

You went back home after feeling tired. He took you back to your apartment and laid in bed with you, he had clothes at your place for improvised occasions like this, so he wasn’t going to go to sleep with some jeans on. As he played with your hair, you were falling asleep. But before you could go to dreamland, he whispered everything you wanted to hear. 

"I never regretted the day that I called you mine, so I call you mine."

Both of you went to sleep with a smile on your faces, and woke up like nothing ever happened.

[painted-crow]

Hey I hope this isn’t awkward but that post about your burned badger (lion?) secondary really hit home for me. I’m pretty sure I’ve had the same burned model in the past - I think I started off with a healthier badger/lion model (I can’t figure out which and am still figuring out my sorting anyway) and some external life stuff going on later, I’m really just pushing through and getting stuff done with all the delicacy of a brick. And same here with the emotional rollercoaster ... 1/2

And same here with the emotional rollercoaster of it between panic/apathy. And the burnout. And the ignoring physical pain. And I can see now how this was uh. Pretty unhealthy actually but it really was just so. effective especially given the circumstances and I kind of miss it in a way. It would be nice if I could get back a healthier version of whichever model it was. Anyway I love reading your blog you always have such insightful things to say thanks for reading this ramble <3 2/2

💙💙💙 :D

Not awkward! I'm glad that was useful for someone, rather than just being an angst dump on my part lol

Emergency secondary mode, Badger or Lion?

Links to previous posts:

- post describing my emergency secondary mode (cw for burnout stuff)

- the worst version of this post (cw for terrible memes)

So, after a lot of consideration and chatting with some lovely SHC people (looking at you @mooglesorts and you @magpie-of-a-birb), I've come to the tentative conclusion that I have a Lion secondary performance.

Which is not something I ever expected to say! I've long had a knee-jerk "aaaaa scary!" reaction to Lion secondary, but actually I think that's because I have this performance and I've had to use it in unsustainable ways.

I should probably put a trigger warning here for self harm through overwork... yeah.

So, I found this song:

(While it is a bop, it is also x2 trigger warning combo for self harm ahaha)

This song's primary is exploded Glory Hound Lion--that's not what's relatable about it to me tho. What I wanted my friends' opinion on was the secondary that's displayed here. Sounded familiar. So I brought it up on the SHC Discord server (which is out of beta, dm me for an invite link if you wanna join!).

I was thinking it might actually be the fully Burned "anything that works" secondary, but Magpie was like "no, that's a Lion sec with a Snake model" and I went "huh..."

...and then Moogle was like no that's a snakesec with an unhealthy Lion model, the masks aren't working so they're busting out Lion--and especially there's the focus on the character feeling powerful because they can hurt themself with it and keep going anyway

And I was like "oh shit that tracks more than I was expecting it to... whoops"

Badger hits different without unhealthy pressure

I do have and use a Badger secondary model, and I used to think my emergency secondary mode was just my Badger model taken to unhealthy extremes. But I don’t think so now.

First, because I actually think that my emergency mode is/was often a product of my exploded Badger primary model, which itself idealized Badger secondary.

I'm still picking through that thing's shrapnel and finding its influence in old memories and automatic reactions I still have and stuff like that--not to mention rooting it out of my system. Which is to say, now that I know what I'm looking for, I'm still discovering how far back this thing goes! Turns out I've been trying to whack this piñata for years, and it used to be so much worse.

The self-destructive "I'd rather run myself hard into the ground than fail" nature of my emergency mode makes a lot of sense in retrospect. When you tie your self-worth to achievement... well: the lyrics "I'll never lose / I'll never die" from the song seem less "I have achieved immortality!" and more "I basically equate failure with death." This song really straddles that edge of relatable but also obviously messed up. It's... something.

Second, my Badger secondary model is very different when it's not under pressure from the 'splodey primary model. I'm kind of having to figure out what it's like without that and it's weird. It seems to be a whole lot more chill and also I'm getting more Courtier than I'm used to?

Yeah, turns out if you dig out "you should help other people to justify your existence, but don't accept help back or it cancels it out" from your system (because damn, there's a system piece I didn't look at closely enough) it might have been holding up Courtier potential you haven't been using.

What's the difference?

I don't know who pointed this out first, I think I read it somewhere, but Badger secondary is very process focused and Lion secondary is very results focused. (Bet you this was from @wisteria-lodge. I'm not sure, though.)

Badger usually shows up as a few main things for me: mirroring, chipping away at big projects, picking up life maintenance and self care type tasks (especially when Bird secondary is burned), and caregiving/service stuff. It can also Burn on its own, which is its own brand of "motivation is a cryptid" exhaustion. None of this looks like Lion, so where does the confusion come in?

The only time my Badger model starts to look like Lion--and here the line really blurs with the performance--is when I've tried to get it to do tasks it's not really meant for. There are things I need Bird unburned in order to tackle (perhaps it's the presence of burned Birdsec that gets in the way? That injured confidence can be really debilitating) and I can't do them with just Badger.

I'm sure actual Badger secs know how to, say, learn Adobe Illustrator's unbelievably complicated controls while under deadline using Badger, but I have no clue. I powered through using probably the least efficient controls possible. (If you're using the nudge tool as a form of measurement, you're probably doing it wrong. I'm guessing.)

Needless to say, that's exhausting. I think there's some point in the project timeline where it stops being "well it's not efficient but at least I'm making progress!" and starts being fueled by raw stubborn determination and a little bit of spite. The contentment with the process goes out the window. I'm fighting my own perfectionism (and usually losing) because I just want this thing done.

Which, that's not necessarily a bad thing! Sometimes it's really useful to be able to go "screw it" and charge. It becomes a bad thing when you ignore all your other needs to do it, possibly because you've tied success and/or productivity to your self worth, and also you're still clutching your perfectionism and hissing "my precioussssss."

also:

It's not always obvious, but I sometimes use Lion secondary in ways not connected to the splodey Badger primary model.

(Occasionally it is obvious though... haha)

I do have this one story about realizing my younger brother might be in danger and charging off to find him, armed with a heavy wooden coat hanger against potential assailants. I went from Bird situational analysis to "this is the best weapon I can find on short notice" in like 30 seconds. In my defense, I was very sleep deprived at the time.

(It makes more sense in context.)

(Sort of.)

so.

I think the emergency secondary mode is a Lionsec performance.

This post took me like a month to write even after figuring it out. And then another few weeks collecting dust in my drafts, because how do you edit something like this

But I've been sitting on it for way too long and I'm tired of saying I should finish/post it, and tonight I'm feeling bored and a little impulsive... so, screw it--I'm calling this done.

(can you hear it? it's there... fighting my Birdsec/Badgersec model perfectionism again.)

(this time, I will listen.)

[tutubola-moved-on]

Hi I like music and I kind of go wayyy too deep into the TPN soundtrack and I think it's about time I start throwing my thoughts out there before they spiral too much

Disclaimer!!! This is not a complete analysis at all, just a few thoughts on each of the songs. I'll probably revisit some of them in future parts if I ever do those aha anyways enjoy

(Part 1/?): 63194, Emma's Sorrow, Emma's Determination, 22194, Norman's Lament, The Promise Between Humans and Demons, Jailbreak and Isabella's Lullaby.

(manga spoilers)

I've done a lil smth smth on Main Theme 2 already and its my favourite song like ever aha this is a cry for help

here you go people

but now anyways fr

63194 (Season 1)

Wouldn't have started with this one cuz I'm still figuring it out but it was the first one that came up when I pressed shuffle

Let's just go straight to the point so we can move on. The first time we hear 63194 is in episode 2, when Norman is talking to Ray about their plan in the forest (or, as I like to call it, "boat scene"). It reaches its climax when Norman starts talking about how he'll use himself to ensure the escape plan will work.

And then it's only used again in episode 8, if I'm not mistaken, after Isabella tells them about Norman's shipment, thus foreshadowing him refusing to escape and using his "death" as a tool to help the others escape.

But alsooo the song is Emma's theme, so there's definitely some sort of meaning other than foreshadowing Norman's shipment. That's for later though cuz I'll have to think more. The beginning does sound a lot like Strauss' Metamorphosen, a piece symbolising how German culture was destroyed during WW2. Not sure what to do with that info for now.

If you'd like a little extra stuff, I also tried connecting the pieces to the Doctrine of Affections, a... thing some Baroque composers wrote that connected music keys to feelings. (I found many sources but I used this one).

63194 is in C Minor, which is described as "innocently sad" (although another source said "sweet but sad") and "lovesick." I think innocence really describes Emma, Ray, and Norman in general, as kids who never did anything wrong but were thrown into the wrong world. Innocently sad would be their conversations in boat scene. They're talking about life or death, it's not something kids should have to deal with.

But again, it's hopeful. Norman wants to create a boat made out of mud---he wants to save everyone---and he really believes it'll work. So although sad, it's also sweet. It's a light at the end of the tunnel, and also just an act of kindness. As for "lovesick," that would just describe Ray and Emma's inevitable longing for Norman after he was gone. Which brings us to...

Emma's Sorrow (エマの悲しみ) (Season 1)

The two times I remember Emma's Sorrow played was 1) When they first talked to Don and Gilda about the house and 2) During the infirmary flashback scene.

The Doctrine of Affections describes E Minor as "grief and longing." In the infirmary flashback scene that obviously not only shows how Norman longs for that time when they didn't know anything and everything was light and happy but also, once again, foreshadows Emma eventually having to grieve him.

Especially because they don't play the staccato part (short quick notes) that's in the original version. Instead, the strings are always present. In staccato, the music gets pretty,,, lowkey? because the instruments can't exactly "show off," whereas the legato (long/connected notes) really shows the true importance and impact each individual instrument has on the song. Considering how the strings (specifically the violins) in the soundtrack could symbolise Norman, it's showing how Norman is not just another guy who's in their group and planning the escape, but an actual friend they'll lose and who'll leave a significant emptiness behind. Not only brain power wise, but just.. you know he's a human being and it's gonna hurt either way.

Not only that, but the harmonies itself in Emma's Sorrow once the strings really do come in are really incomplete. Like, the piano part seems to be all over the place, but it comes together because of the strings. Norman was the one who brought Emma and Ray together, in a way, and isn't Emma and Ray clashing exactly what Shirai wanted when he sent Norman away? Yea...

And Emma's Sorrow is, of course, parallel to:

Emma's Determination (エマの決定) (Season 1)

Yea no I'm still gathering thoughts on that one. The ascending bass contrasting the descending bass in Emma's Sorrow is pretty cool, though. It plays when Don is going off about how he wants to be strong after punching Ray and Norman and it's in F# Minor, so "passionate resentment." Connect both and Don really is ready to change the world. He got slapped with this very very bad reality and naturally he's angry and he's sad and he wants to do anything in his power to save people.

But back to Norman.

(hi future me here. oh my god why am i only talking about norman this was not the route this was originally going to take im so sorry i swear there's more to this post than just norman brain rot 22194 is the last norman one)

22194 (Season 1) and Norman's Lament (ノーマンの嘆き) (Season 2)

22194 is in B Minor, so "patience" and "walking towards fate." That's pretty self explanatory considering how he, and I quote, "chose death." Yea. G Minor would be "uneasiness of the future," and once again, pretty self explanatory (The whole Lambda seizures thing and I'm The Only One Who Can Save The Humans Syndrome. Normy worries too much :/)

Comparing both is pretty fun, too. It's the same melody but in different keys and instruments and thus just give off different feelings. While 22194 is full of instruments and harmonies and is clearly structured, Norman's Lament is just. Empty. It's like it's trying to stay true to 22194, so the Norman from before, but at the end of every musical sentence it just drifts off. You can see parts of 22194 in there, but it's not the same. At all.

There's also no harmony. He wants to do everything himself, and discards all his bonds and friends for that. So sad. Stop him.

All that while 22194 is rich and beautiful and oh my god i love that song so much and it's just showing how Norman was a lot more lively and layered and human when he allowed people to come into his life (the harmonies) and listened to those people instead of just locking himself up and doing everything himself.

So in conclusion cuz I ramble a lot, 22194 is about GF Norman, who hadn't gone through all those things that turned him "evil," who trusted his friends and believed everything had a good, ethic solution. Norman's Lament is about Lambda/post-Lambda Norman, who had gone through a whole lot, and was now in a downwards spiral and had left everything behind to become God or whatever, but was also in denial that he had changed in the first place.

does this make sense no idea i'm typing this while sleep deprived and high on bread and i failed english this quarter

but that aside

The Promise Between Humans and Demons (人間と鬼の約束)(Season 2)

I love this song!!!!!! So much!!!!!!!!! I love the percussion, it's used so well. And I love the way the song builds up and adds more and more instruments until it eventually reaches a climax, like the growing tension between the humans and the demons during the war that snowballed and snowballed and eventually caused both sides to resort to the Promise.

And when the song comes down you can hear a very short "first draft" ish version of Isabella's Lullaby.

It's as if yes, all this mess went down and the demons and humans made this huge promise that completely changed the world and affected an entire society but then far far away from the Seven Walls and the Promise and oblivious of the Ratri Clan and the demons were these two tiny tiny children just singing a song and living happily. And those children---and that song---were the foundation for the entire revolution that ended with the Promise. Wow.

And it's in D Major, D Major is "Triumphant." The song itself sounds triumphant, and yes the Promise was gross but it was a nice little hello kitty band aid over the mess that was the world before it.

What was truly triumphant, though, was the kids' escape, which happened to the same melodic theme, albeit in a different key. Which leads me to...

Prison Break (脱獄) (Season 1)

Oh my God. I love this song.

It symbolises the kids breaking ties with Isabella and how many obstacles were in the way (not only was she their mom; their only mom who had cared for them for their entire lives, but she was also their enemy and did everything she could to prevent them from escaping). The second the brass comes in with the theme (around 0:53) it sounds like it's struggling to play it fully. In this case, Isabella, once the singing parts, would have lost her voice after being outwitted by the children (keep in mind the song starts playing after they've already reached the wall). After all, the song starts with a voice that seems to get more and more desperate before it's overrun by instruments, thus losing its power.

So she's trying to control them and get them back, but they won't let her. They're going to break free. So you have the melodic theme playing with significant breaks, until eventually it all goes silent. Why? Because they escaped. Isabella completely lost contact with them, they're free. And then you get the same melodic theme in The Promise Between Humans and Demons.

But the theme isn't played full. It's not played to the extent that they play it in TPBDAH, instead there's a lot of just "blank space" with no melody above it: that's where the children will write their melody---their story; a story independent from the Promise that shaped their lives thus far.

AGH.

I need a break but I'll be back

Isabella's Lullaby (イサベラの唄)

OK OK Continuing on Isabella I love how Sarah Alainn sings like she's crying. I really recommend this if you want to go deep on Isabella's Lullaby, they pretty much said everything I had to say. I don't go on youtube like ever and that might as well be one of my favourite videos LOL anyways

I also really recommend listening to the no vocal/piano solo version, the harmonies are so beautiful. And the more you listen to it the more you hear, there's always something new. The violins especially oh I love the way Takahiro Obata uses violins. Honourable mention to Nat King Ballade (ナットキングバラード) and Each Thought (それぞれの想い) (idk if thats the english name for it,,,, i've seen it as "Their Own Thoughts" too)

WELL THEN. What a ride. I'll go to sleep now. If anything is incoherent or u just wanna talk then send me askies or a dm smth idk aha i like music but i hate grammar :P

[liamscxtt]

a day in the life ; self para

when: thursday, august 28th

where: literally everywhere

nb: just a brief (long) narrative of what the typical day looks like for liam.

trigger warnings: homelessness, death and drug mentions, drug abuse

5:00am

there’s a moment when you first wake up when everything is just a haze. a moment when you forget who you are, what day it is -- all of your problems just don’t exist, for that moment. the moment only lasted a few seconds before the blaring sound of the alarms coming from the phone bring you back to the brutal aspects of reality. and yet, those were the best five seconds for liam.

groaning, he turned over and tapped on his screen, desperately trying to shut the alarm off; the bright screen burning his already sleep deprived eyes. he probably only got about three hours of sleep, if that. he was used to it at this point, and then there were days like today. days where he wanted to wither into the depths of his own self-loathing. 

he looked out the window to see the sun beginning to rise. a sky painted with shades of blues, purples, and oranges, almost like a messy yet somewhat neatly put together painting made by a middle schooler. there was something beautiful about waking up with the sun, parts of it that brought him peace. his sister loved watching the sunrise - she always went on and on about how sunrises were the true underdog; how mother nature picked it’s most beautiful mixture of colors for the sunrises, all because it took a special person to appreciate the beauty that came from it. he never really understood what she meant, until he was forced to watch the sun rise every single morning. and as always, she was right. sunsets had nothing against sunrises. 

these quiet mornings were the best part of liam’s day. the hours where he felt most connected to his sister and to himself. the hours he felt truly at peace. it was crazy to think that liam’s favorite time of the day was between 5:00am and 6:30am. 

he turned on his car to play youtube on his aux before climbing out of his vehicle. the sweet melody’s of the soft pitched tunes filled his car and the immediate area surrounding it, and a smile creeped on his face as one of her favorite songs began playing in the background. he wasn’t religious, but there was a part of him that truly found strength in knowing that his sister wasn’t far away. 

he rolled up the worn down mattress topper, collected his pillow and blanket in one hand. he broke down his bed as he pushed the backseat of his 2006 ford escape upright and neatly tucked his belongings into his trunk. 

5:30am

he pulled into the vacant parking lot of the soulstice gym. the gym was set to open in a half hour; luckily for him, there weren’t many college students that would dare to wake up at the crack of dawn just to work out. he stuffed everything he needed to get ready for the day into a duffle bag; shower supplies, and a clean outfit. he desperately needed to do laundry, and he needed to get food...but pay day wasn’t until next week. he was gonna have to find cash, and find it quick - maybe he’ll just pick up another shift at the bar. he practically lived at that place now.

his footsteps echoed through as he walked through the empty fitness center; not even the cleaners had arrived for their early morning shift. he quickly hopped into the showers and get ready for the day. lord knows he needed to wash the dirt and sins that painted his skin from the previous nights festivities. he couldn’t even recall what exactly happened, and that was both a blessing and a curse. it was shortly after he turned on all the lights and greeted the early morning cleaners, jimmy and george. 

“good morning, son!” greeted george. 

“mornin’, will.” jimmy greeted shortly after. 

jimmy and george worked closely together, and were usually gone for the day 2pm; and yet, liam knew the guys quite well. 

jimmy is in his early-forties, married with two children. he worked two full time jobs to get his children through school. his son played division II baseball at a school somewhere in the midwest, and is majoring in sports education. he wants to be a gym teacher. his daughter is studying to be a nurse at monarch. she aspires to work in women’s health. jimmy always spoke so highly of them two. 

george is in his mid-sixties, but is still kicking it like he’s twenty. he’s also married with children and even grandchildren, but his story is more tragic. he’s a retired firefighter, who is still working a full time job because his pension wasn’t enough to make ends meet. can’t make ends meet. his only daughter passed away at a young age - drug overdose, he says. his only son is constantly in and out of jail for drug charges - leaving george and his wife to take care and raise their two grandchildren, layla and michael. layla is 14 and is getting ready to start high school. she loves to play volleyball, and apparently is a natural. michael is 9 and is getting ready to start fourth grade. he love cars, spider man, legos, sonic, and baseball cards. he wants to be a youtube gamer when he grows up. liam didn’t know the kid, but he thought he was fucking awesome. 

two completely different stories, and yet liam believed that those two men deserved the world and then some.

“what’s up, guys?” liam greeted with a smile as he filled up his metal water bottle at the nearest filling station. “when are the kids set to go back, george?”

“this coming monday. mikey’s already complaining how he doesn’t need school to be a youtuber. apparently he’s ‘done his research’.” the comment makes both liam and jimmy laugh. 

“tell the little man to put that energy into a sport, or a trade. i need a new mechanic.” jim jested, once again causing the other two to laugh. “what about you, will? getting ready to start the semester back up? gabby is already stressing because some of her professors already posted the syllabus.” 

“shit, i haven’t even gotten my textbooks yet. i might have to join mikey with this whole youtuber plan and hope for the best.” liam said with a nervous chuckle. he almost had completely forgotten about the upcoming semester approaching. 

to quickly divert the question away from him, he spoke once more. “say, george. i found a few baseball cards at the bar the other night. remind me to bring them in for you.” 

“you’ll make that boys entire week. maybe i’ll use that to bribe him to go to school.” 

jimmy just smiled. “you’re a good kid, scotty boy. never change.” 

2:30pm

it had only been a half hour since liam clocked out from his morning job, and he quickly made his way over to the library. the mention of school that morning brought liam into a panic. he grabbed a spot at one of desks in the computer station, powering on the device and pulling out his notebook. luckily enough, most of the textbooks he needed the library had available. leaving his stuff behind, he went to go fetched them. 

he already had mastered the technique of not having his own textbooks. every week, he would go and scan all of the chapters he needed for each and every class. luckily, monarch offered free scanning and printing. he made small talk with the librarian that sat at the desk nearby as he printed out at least three weeks worth of chapters for each of his classes. 

he sat down once more, and took the time to put the pile of papers neatly into his binder. it was time to start planning. 

6:30pm

now it was time to work his night time job, mars bar. he was working with adrian tonight, so he knew it wouldn’t be that bad.

his stomach had been grumbling half way through his shift. he hadn’t eaten anything all day. but he continued to push through. he had to, at least until pay day. he continued to chug water; if his stomach was full of water, his body didn’t have time to remind him that it needed some sort of nutrients. he was a master manipulator when it came to his own body now. 

1:00am

the rounded out the tips that he received from his customers. it was a good night, and luckily enough he would be able to do laundry the next day. his body was tired, though; aching from the lack of sleep and abuse his body endured from the festivities. he felt like he could sleep for an entire month, and then some. 

he drove around for a bit after his shift, a thing he did as he needed to both unwind and find a somewhat safe space to park his car. university police were patrolling the parking lots that night, which immediately told him not to park there. he couldn’t park in greek row - too many people he knew by this point. he was left to park in a nearby park, in a nearby neighborhood. he found himself saying a small prayer that nobody would mess with him that night. 

he lit up a joint once he found his place, feeling the smoke fill his lungs as he listened to the calming music that played on the radio. ed sheeran was playing, a song from his multiply album. it was one of his and his sister’s favorite albums. that’s the one thing they shared in common, their taste in music. but she was more pop in a sense, and he was more edgy. but still, the music brought him comfort.

he got his bed ready; a mattress topper, paired with a pillow and a blanket. he made himself comfortable and looked at his phone, just to see he missed a text from his mother at 10:45pm.

hi honey! spoke with your aunt today, and we’re making plans for christmas. did your father reach out to you? let me know what plans he has set. i’ll arrange my trip around your plans. 

i hope you had a great day! i love you! ❤️

her message was followed by a bitmoji image of her holding a huge heart. and he smiled. 

i haven’t spoken to him all week, but i’ll reach out tomorrow and let you know. i’ll call you tomorrow. love you ❤️

there was a huge part of him that wanted to call her now, that wanted to tell her he had been struggling both physically and mentally...but then he remembered the damage and the financial burden his injury left. it ruined his family. he ruined his family. and just as he was about to press call, he let out a frustrated sigh before locking his phone and tossing it not too far away from him, rolling over to attempt to get some sort of rest.

just to do the same thing. all. over. again.