#this photo came from a youtube video called

[no-144444]

pointe shoes and racecars- o.piastri

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summary: you and oscar had grown up together, and grown apart. now you're teaching him ballet for a mclaren video. will you two reconnect?

pairing: oscar piastr x fem! ballerina! dancer

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Oscar Piastri was your best friend’s older brother, what could go wrong? 

You’d moved to Melbourne when you were a kid with the rest of your family, and your brother quickly started karting at a local track. In comes the Piastri’s. You were sitting on the sidelines, bored out of your mind when a little girl a bit older than you came up to you with another girl, about your age, and another little girl, much younger than all three of you. 

“Which one’s yours?” The eldest asked. 

“The one in the red kart, my brother. You?”

“The one in the fluro yellow. He’s our brother,” she explained. “I’m Hattie, that’s Addie, and that’s Mae. Wanna be friends?”

You nodded. “Yeah! I’m Y/n.”

And since that day, you were. Turns out you and Addie ended up in the same class in school and became fast friends, then you ended up in the same ballet class, and it all snowballed from there. Playdates became hangouts and dolls became bitch-sessions, and soon enough you were all grown up. You were a constant in the Piastri family home, sleeping over most nights to carpool to early ballet, then school, then back to ballet, and then back to the Piastri home. You watched every race with the girls, growing up alongside Oscar and your brother from the beginning. You watched both of them in Formula Renault, Formula 3, Formula 2, and finally, Oscar’s second year Formula 1 was coming up, while you brother (Jack) was staying yet another year in F2. It was funny, whenever Oscar was home in recent years, you always seemed to miss him. You didn’t mind. Oscar and you weren’t all that close, you were closest to Addie, Hattie, Mae, and Nicole. Though, he texted you when he was away and you responded, apologising for missing him, he always told you that he’d ‘see you on the stage one day anyway’. He’d always supported you. You’d always supported him.

Sadly, your time living with the Piastri’s had come to an end. You had been given the chance of a lifetime in the form of a full scholarship to the Paris Opera Ballet School, and you weren’t going to turn it down, much to Nicole’s dismay. That was two years ago. Two full years of living in Paris, down. 

Paris was amazing. You missed your family and you missed everyone back in Melbourne, but you loved it in Paris. Your new fellow dancers were so welcoming and nice, and you’d made fast friends with a group of them. You’d been doing French in school since you were a kid, and you loved getting to speak it with native speakers. You’d even been named an Etoile (star) in your first year. You’d helped the Paris Opera Ballet with their online presence and started a YouTube channel with some of your fellow dancers which had garnered over 4 million subscribers. Everything was brilliant. 

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“Alright everyone, gather around!” Carole called. “We have been invited to the McLaren garage this weekend for the Monaco Gran Prix,” she explained. “We will be attempting to teach some of the staff some of  Balcony Pas de deux from ‘Romeo and Juliet’, and also having a photo shoot with Vogue while we are there. Y/n and Hugo, I want those lifts as clean as possible! Chop chop!”

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The week went by and finally you were walking into the McLaren motorhome behind one of the staff members who was showing you around. In the end only 3 people from the company were required to go, Hugo (Romeo), Laura (one of the company's pianists), and you (Juliet). You walked around, keeping an eye out for Oscar, or the rest of the Piastri family who had all told you they’d be visiting. 

You were quickly ushered into a makeshift filming studio and told to warm up while they gathered the people you’d be doing the video with you. You chatted and warmed up, trying a few of the lifts from the show and just generally practising your moves. 

The door swung open and there he was. Oscar with a grim look on his face who hadn’t even recognised you. 

“Do we really have to do this?” he not-so-subtly asked Lando beside him. 

“Mate I don’t want to do it either-”

“Y/N!” Nicole’s voice cut through all the noise of the motorhome and the piano stopped. She ran and pulled you into a bone-crushing hug as you laughed. 

“Hi Nicole,” you beamed, hugging her back. Hattie, Addie, and Mae weren’t far behind her, and joined in on the hug, emotions flowing as you all started to catch up. 

“How are you? How’s work? How’s Paris?” Hattie asked immediately. 

“How’s Paris? Is it amazing? Can I visit sometime?” Mae asked, speaking over her sister. 

“How are you?!” Addie squealed, taking your hands. 

“I’m great, so happy to see the four of you,” you smiled but it dampened as Hugo reminded you of the job at hand. “Sorry guys, we’ll need to catch up later, the fun police has just-”

“Quoi? Je ne suis pas la « police du plaisir » ! Nous avons un travail à faire !” (What? I am not the 'fun police'! We have a job to do!) He defended, but by then the girls had already cleared out, and you’d already turned your attention to Oscar and Lando. 

“Hi,” you smiled at Oscar. 

“Hi,” he smiled back, a hint of blush on his cheek. “I almost didn’t recognise you.”

“I could say the same for you,” you chuckled. “Became a Formula 1 driver and forgot about your friends, huh?” 

He rolled his eyes, chuckling. “Don’t even.”

“Ready for some ballet?” Hugo smiled at the two men, who both just grimaced. 

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You started warming them up, learning quickly that while Lando was not flexible, Oscar was even worse. 

“And go down further if you can,” you instructed, pushing down on Oscar’s shoulders. 

“Bug, I can’t go any further,” he chuckled. 

“Bug?” Hugo questioned. 

“Childhood nickname,” you dismissed. “Don’t start using it.”

Hugo nodded, holding his hands up in surrender. “Noted.”

“Holy shit, you’re ‘Bug’?” Lando gasped. “He talks about you all the time!”

You chuckled as Oscar’s cheeks went a brilliant shade of pink. “Sure Lando, I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“Alright!” Hugo announced. “Let’s start on some variations!”

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The boys watched in horror as you and Hugo danced around the room. Balcony Pas de deux, your favourite number of the entire show. You did everything perfectly, Hugo did everything perfectly, but when you two danced, sometimes there was something missing. You usually thought that it was just a lack of romantic chemistry because you were such great friends, or maybe it was something else. Lando and Oscar applauded as you two finished your piece, then you turned to them, smiling. 

“I have to lift him?!” Lando stressed. You laughed with Hugo. 

“No, you’ll be lifting me,” you explained. “Hugo’s going to teach you the moves and you’ll just need to lift me. You don’t even have to go on pointe. It’ll be fun, I promise.” 

The boys stayed unconvinced. You’d picked an easy enough professional routine and you were sure they'd get it eventually. You started with teaching them how to properly lift someone so they wouldn’t get hurt, and they wouldn’t drop you. Unsurprisingly, Oscar was very good at this, you remembered how Addie and you would force him to practice lifts with you in the confines of the Piastri family home, and shockingly, the muscle memory was still there after so many years. So, you moved onto teaching him the moves for the first 20ish seconds of the dance. And unsurprisingly, he was very good at the lifts, not so good at the dancing. He couldn’t get his back leg low enough, or he couldn’t extend his arm enough, but you barely noticed. You were having too much fun to notice. You realised you’d been missing fun when dancing with Hugo. Juliet was this spontaneous, youthful character who was full of love and a craving to be loved. Oscar brought out that fun side of you. He always had. You laughed and smiled as you both danced, laughing when he’d trip or almost drop you, but neither of you cared. You moved on and taught him up to about the one minute mark in the piece. There was a lot of repetition and not a lot of male dancing in the first 60 seconds, so he was practically in the clear, all he had to do was smile and lift you. And he did. There wasn’t a moment where either of you weren’t smiling. He looked a bit uncoordinated and you looked thousands of times better than him, but you two were both smiling like little kids. 

His hand slipped and he almost dropped you to the floor, concern and shock plastering itself on his face as he scrambled to catch you. “Shit, are you alright?” he asked, somehow catching you by pulling you to his chest. 

“I’m fine Osc, no bruised sternums here,” you chuckled. He laughed, reminded of a crash you had in karting as a child. 

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As the session came to a close, you did the first minute of the dance with Oscar and with Lando and determined that while Oscar was better at the lifts, Lando wasn’t half-bad either. 

“Alright everyone, thanks for tuning in and tell us if you want to see us attempt this again!” Lando smiled at the camera. 

“I have no idea how you do that every night,” Oscar sighed, clearly tired and out of breath. 

“Sometimes twice a night,” Hugo corrected. “And yes, it is tiring.”

“I don’t know how you sit in a boiling car going 300 kilometres per hour for ninety minutes every Sunday,” you smiled. 

“It is tiring,” he shrugged, smiling. “Do you want to grab lunch?” 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” you nodded. “Let me just grab my stuff.”

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Catching up with Oscar felt great. You didn’t realise how much you two had in common. From movies, to books, and everything in between. You were even too busy laughing to hear Hugo call you to join him for the Vogue shoot. 

“Y/n!” He repeated, gathering others' attention. “Come on! We are being timed here!” 

“Coming!” you called back. “Sorry, I completely forgot about the time. Good luck in free practice today, please don't get yourself injured,” you said, pulling him into a hug. “Love you Osc!”

“Good luck!” He called after you. “Love you too Bug!” 

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“Childhood crush?” Hugo asked as you two relaxed after the shoot, exhausted after your day. 

“Nah, best friend’s brother,” you explained. 

“Oh, so even more of a rom com then,” he chuckled. 

You scoffed. “No. We’re friends, that’s it.”

“Friends? Friends don’t look at you like you’re the only person in the room, friends don’t somehow laugh their whole way through the first 60 seconds of  Balcony Pas de deux,  friends don’t make puppy dog eyes at you, and still call you by your childhood nickname!” He laughed. You groaned. 

“We’re not like that! He’s just… he’s intense with his eye contact-!”

“He wasn’t intense like that for me!”

“I don’t know what to tell you!” You finally gave up. “Come on! There’s no way he-”

“Bug?” Oscar popped his head in the door, sweaty and smiling. “How’d it go?”

“All good,” you nodded. “How did Free Practice go?” 

“Good,” he nodded, out of breath. “Went fastest in sector 2.”

“Very impressive!” Hugo smiled, pretending to know what that meant. You chuckled.

“I was wondering if you wanted to stay for the rest of the weekend,” Oscar offered. “Both of you, of course,” he gestured to you and Hugo. “I know you're busy but my mum would kill me if I didn't ask.”

You smiled. Someone else could cover Juliet for one weekend, right? “Yeah, that’d be great.”

“I’d better get back to Paris, but thank you for the kind offer,” Hugo smiled. 

“Cool,” Oscar smiled at the both of you. “Addie has offered her room if you want to share with her, but there’s also my apartment, if you want your own bed.”

“My own bed please, Addie kicks in her sleep,” you chuckled. “Thanks Osc.”

“No problem.”

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You said your goodbyes to Hugo and followed the Piastri’s around Monaco for the rest of the day. You saw some of the sights, but eventually ended up in some fancy dinner with good food and good people around you. You were laughing at anyone’s jokes, telling stories, and genuinely just enjoying yourself. Paris had many things, but it didn’t have the Piastri’s. Sometimes you wished you could just shrink them and put them in your pocket to have them with you at all times. 

“So, how’s Paris?” Oscar asked as the night died down. You two were on your way back to his apartment and you were a little bit wine-drunk, but neither of you cared. 

“It’s amazing, but it doesn’t have you guys,” you patted his shoulder. “I miss you guys like crazy.”

He smiled. “I miss you too.”

“How’s Monaco? It’s so funny that we’ve lived an hour plane ride away from each other and we still haven’t visited each other,” you chuckled. 

“Monaco’s nice,” he nodded. “But it doesn’t have you here.”

Suddenly you were a lot more sober than you were 5 seconds ago. “Well, I’m here right now.”

“Exactly,” he smiled. “It’s really good to see you Bug.”

“It’s good to see you too,” you smiled. “Beetle.”

He laughed as you brought up his old nickname. Most people resorted to calling him ‘Osc’ or ‘Ozzy’ now that he’d grown up. He thinks his mum stopped calling him ‘Beetle’ when she visited him at school or races because you weren’t around to be ‘Bug’. Neither of you remembered why it had started, but you and Oscar were Bug and Beetle. It probably would’ve made more sense to have Addie as Beetle, with how much time you two spent together, but in reality it was just both your mums’ collective hopeful thinking that your friendship would turn into something much more. It might’ve, if you’d both stuck around long enough to see it through. Some part of him wondered how his life would’ve turned out if he’d stayed. Not that he didn’t love his life, he did. He was everything he’d ever dreamed of (well, not a Gran Prix winner yet so, not everything), well, everything but one thing. He didn’t realise it at the time, but in every single one of his visualisations of his future that he did as a child (something about a winner’s mentality? He didn’t understand it at the time), he’d imagined you being there with him. He never explicitly said it, but you were either his girlfriend or wife, or something other than a friend. It had always been a certain to him. You were his Bug. He was your Beetle. It just worked. 

“What’re you thinking about?” you asked, leaning into him as the street lights illuminated his face. Since when was he so pretty? 

“Us as kids,” he smiled. “Remember trying to teach you karting?” 

“You mean bruising my sternum? Yes I remember the month of agony thank you very much,” you chuckled. “And I remember how stressed you were running over to me. I think it was the first time I’d ever seen you lose your cool.” 

“Well I was about as stressed then as I was today when I almost dropped you,” he laughed. 

“Well, you saved me this time,” you chuckled. “My knight in a shining papaya?”

He laughed. “Sounds about right.” 

As you two came up to his apartment building, your conversation died down. You two went up to his apartment and he gave you the grand tour, finally showing you your bed for the nights. You said your ‘goodnights’ and then a problem plagued you. It was just meant to be a day trip to Monaco, you were meant to fly back earlier, and now here you were in Monaco with just your dance bag. What was in your dance bag? Your various shoes, a multitude of toe pads and things to stop the pain, three different water bottles, and some random leotards and a skirt. 

“Osc?” you knocked on his door, hoping he wasn’t asleep already. 

“Yeah?” he came to the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Of course, classic Oscar, asleep in seconds. “Everything alright?” He yawned. 

No. Everything was very much not alright. He’d come to the door with no shirt on, and you really couldn’t focus on the problem at hand. “I have no clothes,” you blurted out. 

He immediately opened his eyes and stared at you, then his brain processed fully what you said. “Oh, no pyjamas,” he nodded. “Sorry, I thought you meant- I’m actually just going to stop myself now.”

You chuckled. “Probably best.” 

“Well I’ll give you a hoodie and some of my shorts?” he offered. “Just to sleep in, and then I can bring you to the shopping centre down the way. I think there’s a Zara there or something.” 

“You really don’t need to bring me, I’m sure I can find it on my own. I’m sure you’re busy tomorrow-”

“Nonsense,” he shook his head, handing over the clothes. “I have time for you.” 

“Thanks Osc.”

You went to sleep with significantly more to think about, so did he. 

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You woke up the next morning to the sound of a smoke alarm, a shouting Nicole, and a cursing Oscar. You quickly got up to witness the commotion. 

“Y/n! Thank God you’re here!” She groaned and turned to Oscar. “I cannot believe you live on your own, you’re 23 and you can’t make eggs without almost burning your building down?!” 

“It wasn;t my fault!” he defended. “You’re the one who came to the door!” 

Nicole rolled her eyes as the girls laughed, watching this all unfold. Addie came over and stood beside you, smiling brightly at you. 

“What?” you chuckled. 

“Nothing,” she smirked. “Nice hoodie.”

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes. “I had no other clothes,” you explained as the arguing continued. 

“Not a fan of sleeping in a leo?” she smirked. 

“Shockingly no, and also, we have to go shopping for clothes now, since all of mine are in Paris.” 

“Shopping! Yes!” Mae cheered. “Let’s go,” she said, immediately starting to drag you out of the apartment. 

“I’m not even dressed-!” Your complaints were met with nothing but more pulling.”Alright, alright! Let me grab my phone and my wallet, then I’ll be back out to you, yeah?” 

“Yay!” Mae cheered. 

You went back into your room, tried your best to make the hoodie and men’s shorts combo look good (it didn’t) and grab your things, then came back out. Oscar was cleaning up the kitchen as Hattie talked to him about the free practice and quali today, and Mae jumped up the moment she saw you. 

“Time to go!” she announced. “Bye Osc, good luck! See you at the track!” she called, already halfway out the door. 

You chuckled, following behind her, Addie, and Nicole. “Bye Osc!”

He grabbed ahold of your hand and placed a key in your palm. “In case you want to come back and change,” he smiled. 

“Thanks Osc,” you grinned. “Maybe leave the cooking to me tonight?”

“You don’t have to-”

“Osc, you’re letting me stay at your house, and you got me a paddock pass to see you. Let me make you dinner.” 

He nodded. “Alright. Thank you.”

His hand lingered for another few seconds before Mae called back to you, willing you to ‘come on!’. 

“See you later,” you smiled. 

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Shopping was fine, you bought some clothes and essential hygiene and makeup, then went back to Oscar’s apartment and got dressed just as FP3 started. You all rushed over to the track to watch, and it went well for Oscar, quali was probably going to be interesting, as per usual. Monaco was always a very special track and you really did enjoy looking around at the beautiful scenery. You noticed how the cameras followed you around, but you just put that down to being with his family. 

“Y/n! Can I get a photo?!” a young girl asked. You smiled and knelt down to be at her level. 

“Of course you can,” you smiled. “What’s your name?” 

“Carlotá,” she nodded. “I do ballet! I love you, you’re so good. I want to be as good as you one day!”

“Well I can’t wait to see you on stage one day! Maybe we’ll even get to dance together,” you chuckled, heart warmed by her enthusiasm. 

“I hope we do!” she smiled. 

You quickly got a photo with her and then you were back on your way to the McLaren hospitality with Addie talking your ear off about her new college courses as you listened intently. Suddenly, Oscar was in front of you, sweaty but smiley. 

Nicole immediately pulled him into a tight hug and you saw the weight lift off of her shoulders, if only for a short time. “All my kids are safe,” she sighed, and you knew you were a part of that. You’d always admired how much she cared and how deeply she cared about everyone in her life, it was incredible. Hattie hugged him next, then Addie, and lastly Mae. You smiled and gave him a pat on the back as Zak Brown ushered you further into the hospitality for a ‘family lunch’.

“So, I never knew Oscar had a girlfriend,” Zak smiled, turning to you.

Your face dropped. “Oh, um… he’s not my boyfriend. I’m just a family friend,” you explained. The air in the room had been sucked out and everything was a bit more awkward. 

“Oh gosh! Sorry, I just thought because of the video- I really need to remember to not just believe YouTube comments,” he chuckled. He’d somehow charmed his way out the awkward moment, and you found yourself laughing too. 

Oscar wasn’t laughing. He quite liked the idea that his boss thought you were his girlfriend. He was just as fond of the internet thinking you were his girlfriend. He’d made a devastating revelation last night. His mum had been right all those years when she told him that he’d end up with you. Well, not that you’d ended up together yet, he still had to do the ‘asking out’ part. Nicole watched as his frown deepened the more you laughed at the comments of the YouTube video of you teaching Lando and Oscar ballet with Hugo. 

“Wow, I think you might need to post something to tell everyone you’re just friends,” Zak laughed, showing you some more comments. 

You nodded. “I’ll post a baby picture or something,” You chuckled, turning to Oscar. “At least you’ve got the acting part of ballet down.”  

He smiled. “Exactly.”

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As the day progressed, you watched with bated breath as quali went underway, and Oscar qualified P2. You were ecstatic, jumping up and down with Addie and Nicole as Hattie and Mae cried in the back. All five of you had never been good with toning it down during his races. You just loved him so much, NOT like that, obviously. But in the friendly, totally platonic, family friend way. 

Nicole led the rest of you through the motorhome and you finally found him, sweaty and smiley once again. 

“Osc!” Nicole cheered, pulling him in for a hug. Addie, Hattei, and Mae all joined their hug, and you weren’t sure if it was right for you to join too, so you stayed back, taking a few photos of the five of them hugging. A part of you wanted to make it your wallpaper, but suddenly Oscar was in front of you. 

“Congratulations!” you smiled. 

“Y/n, I’m tired and I really don’t want to beg for a hug, please?” He smiled. You chuckled and wrapped your arms around his neck, his went around your waist, burying his face in your shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

“Well done Osc,” you smiled. 

You didn’t catch the way Addie and Hattie smirked at each other, or the way Nicole gushed over the two of you, or the way Mae took a few photos of the two of you, immediately sending them to Oscar’s phone, knowing he’d want them. 

You pulled back, a bright smile on your face, then turned to the girls. “Alright, I’m making dinner tonight, you guys ready to go?”

“Oh, we have a booking at this restaurant tonight,” Nicole sighed. “Another time?” 

You nodded. “Of course, see you all later,” you smiled. 

If you’d looked slightly more to your left, you would’ve seen Oscar silently beg them to not intrude on the date you didn’t know was a date. Of course, being the Y/noscar shippers they were, they obliged with as minimal smirking as possible, which was a lot. You hugged them goodbye then turned to Oscar. 

“Alright, you go shower and then direct me to the nearest supermarket!” You instructed and he smiled. 

“Sir, yessir,” he joked, saluting you. “You can wait in my driver’s room if you want.”

“Sounds good.” 

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Your evening was wonderful, you spent the evening walking around Monaco and grabbing supplies for dinner, then the actual cooking was rather enjoyable (aka you cooked your famous chilli and he sat in the corner, chatting away to you) and finally, cozying up on the couch with your favourite childhood movie, Cars. Well, it was his favourite, yours was Ballerina. Anyways, as the film continued on, you found yourselves getting closer and closer to each other. First it was an arm around the back of the couch, then an arm around you, then you were leaning into his side, until you had your head on his chest and he had a satisfied smile on his face. 

As the film came to a close, you got up and stretched, yawning. 

“Y/n,” he spoke. “I’ve really enjoyed having you around these past few days,” he smiled. 

“I’ve really enjoyed being around you,” you smiled back. 

“I’m in love with you,” he blurted out. It wasn’t exactly the smooth delivery he’d imagined since he was a teenage boy stalking your instagram from thousands of kilometres away, but it would work. Hopefully. 

“Pardon?” You stared at him shocked. 

He let out a nervous breath. “I’m in love with you.”

You nodded. You didn’t exactly know what to make of it all. You loved him too, so why wouldn’t your mouth make the words? This was so stupid, just say it! Say it! Say-“I love you too,” you finally blurted out after a few seconds of buffering. 

His nervous frown turned into a bright smile, and his hands landed on your waist, pulling you into him. He hugged you close for a moment, internally calming down. “Kept me waiting there,” he chuckled.

“Sorry,” you smiled. You pulled away a little bit, then pressed your lips to his. “Brain fart.”

He laughed, then pressed his lips to yours again, in a perfect, Oscar, kiss. You could feel his hands on your waist, every brush of his brush against your forehead, every piece of skin on yours. You couldn’t get enough. 

“You have a race in the morning,” you whispered, pulling back from the kiss just enough to remind him. 

He nodded, connecting your lips again. His kisses were getting more and more heated, more and more consuming, more and more hungry. He was barely listening. He was kissing you. Everything little him had dreamt of. 

“Oscar,” you pulled back, getting serious. “Wait until after the race, alright?” 

He nodded, pressing his lips to your again, this time quicker and softer. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” you smiled. “I would want to too, just… I don’t want to impair you’re-” you awkwardly tried to explain as he tried to hold back laughter. He failed and ended up laughing in your face, only making you laugh too. 

“God I love you,” he smiled bashfully. 

“I love you too.” 

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The next morning, you woke up to Oscar beside you, his arms wrapped around you. You smiled. This felt right. He felt right.

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You walked into the paddock hand in hand and Nicole immediately gasped. “You’re finally together?!” 

You laughed. “Yeah, we are,” you nodded. The four of them were a mix of cheering and crying, all ecstatic for you both. 

“If you hurt her I’ll kill you!” Addie warned, pointing a finger in Oscar’s face. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he smiled, looking at you. 

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You watched in awe as he crossed the finish line in P2, celebrating with his sisters and mum. You all ran to the Parc Fermé, ready to greet him. He ran over to you five, hugging his mum first, then running straight to you. He smiled then pulled you in for a kiss. 

“Congratulations,” you smiled, pulling back. 

“I have to watch you dance now,” he rushed out as Addie pulled him over for a hug. “I love you!” He shouted, being pulled away by Lando, knowing they were on a time crunch.

୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅

2,830,623 likes liked by landonorris, y/nballet, and others oscarpiastri Bagged myself a dancer, and a second place trophy. Great weekend :)

comments

user83: WHAT THE FUCK MY WORLDS COLLIDING

user73: BRO HAS ULTIMATE RIZZ -> Hattiepiastri: INCORRECT BUZZER, they've been in love with each other since they could walk, they just didn't know it yet.

nicolepiastri: My babies  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

landonorris: NOW HE'LL STOP THIRSTING -> oscarpiastri: polly not...

y/nballet: my love  ❤️

୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅

7,830,725 likes liked by oscarpiastri, hugomarchand, nicole piastri and others

y/nballet: Bagged myself an Osc :)

oscarpiastri: I love you  ❤️ -> y/nballet: No papaya heart? -> oscarpiastri: shut up please.

user73: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS??? -> user26: they've been friends forever and now they're dating :)

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

[nicksbestie]

Migraines - M. Sturniolo

Summary : Matt struggles with chronic migraines, and some days there isn't much that you can do, but that never means you don't try,

Warnings : mentions of vomiting and nausea, a small bit of crying

Word Count : 1313

Pairing : Matt Sturniolo/Reader (romantic)

A/N : i got inspo from this photo of matt <3

Living an entire two decades of life with chronic migraines was an absolutely miserable thing.

Matt was nearing his twenty-first birthday, and he was desperate to find something in his life that would help with these migraines. He had gone through prescription after prescription, doctor appointment after doctor appointment, specialist after specialist, and nothing had helped the splitting pain. He had a migraine tracker on his phone so that he could tell the percentage of how often he had migraines, and it was well over sixty percent of every month. It was quite depressing to look at, and even more depressing to live. It really affected Matt’s happiness and day to day life. 

All of their YouTube videos were filmed on Matt’s good days. They would change outfits so that they could film five to six videos in one day, gathering a lot of topics so that they would have tons to post when it came time to put them all up. Both of his brothers were incredibly caring and didn’t mind the way that they had to do things, and both wanted to do everything possible to make it easier for their middle sibling. They rode with Matt in an Uber every time his migraine was too bad for him to drive, so that he wouldn’t have to be alone, especially at a doctor’s office, a place he was already generally hesitant to be at. They truly were always by his side, arguing with doctors that told him it was anxiety based, or that he was exaggerating, when he didn’t have the energy to argue for himself.

Today was a bad day for him. Chris and Nick had left before Matt had woken up, so they had no idea that he was struggling, because the light from his phone, even at the lowest setting, wasn’t low enough to not send stabbing pains through his head, so he hadn’t texted. He hadn’t had the energy to call and speak to them either. All he had done was gotten up and shut the blinds, covering them up with blackout screens that he had bought a couple years back, because he needed all of the light out. They worked incredibly well, and he had cut off the dim lighting in his room that he’d slept with, needing complete darkness.

He had no idea how long he had laid there, he just knew he was in pain. Unbeknownst to him, when you noticed that he didn’t reply to your text, you were immediately concerned, and already on your way over. You’d seen that he’d read it, so you knew he was awake, and he hadn’t replied. He never left you on read, unless he couldn’t bear to look at his phone screen any longer, which meant he had a terrible migraine. You’d wasted no time getting ready, and due to the fact that Matt didn’t wake up until almost two in the afternoon, you didn’t get over there until almost four. You had your own key, both because of instances like these, and because of the fact that you had been together for almost two years now. Letting yourself in, you texted Chris and Nick, telling them that you were there as well.

You wasted no time in going upstairs, gently opening Matt’s door, and immediately closing it behind you, because while the light in the hallway wasn’t on, the daylight would filter in, and you knew it would aggravate his head. Seeing him face down on the bed, under covers and pillows, you gently whispered your greeting, telling him so he wouldn’t freak out, though you doubted he had the energy to freak out on you. You pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, rubbing his back and laying down next to him. He curled into your chest, and you could see the remnants of tear tracks on his face. You laid a kiss to his forehead, gently running your hand over it and through his hair. Your hands were a cooler temperature, and you could tell that it felt good and soothed his pain for a few seconds. You laid a palm on his forehead, wanting to help him feel better any way that you could. 

You laid with him for about an hour, helping hold the trash can at the side of his bed when the pain got to be so bad that it caused him to throw up, helping wipe his face off and get him laid back down, before realizing he hadn’t eaten anything all day, so it probably wouldn’t get much better. You laid there for a little while longer, thinking about what to do to help him, when you remembered a trick that had helped you when you had a terrible migraine one day. You softly untangled yourself from him, whispering that he could stay right there and you would be right back.

You went into the bathroom, turning a small, very dim, light on in the corner so you could see what was going on around you. You began running a warm bath, letting it run while you went to get Matt a small snack. You set it down on the edge of the bathtub, on the side touching the wall, and went to go get your boyfriend. You picked out some clean clothes for him, grabbed him the water bottle from his nightstand as well, and led him to the bathroom. He knew where it was, of course, but the thought of opening his eyes for the chance of any light just made the pain intensify, so he trusted you to guide him.

By this point, the tub was about three quarters of the way full, and you helped him get in. You knew he hadn’t showered that day, and the warm water on your legs and feet helped with your migraines, so you hoped it would help him as well. Judging by the way his face began to relax once he was in the tub, his back against your chest, you were glad it took away a little bit of his pain. You kept the temperature of the bathroom cooler so that he wouldn’t overheat, but not enough for him to get cold. His eyes stayed closed, but they were a calm closed, not a scrunched, wincing in pain, closed. He didn’t speak much, but he took the water and food that he was offered, and a gentle smile crossed his face the longer he sat in the tub.

The longer you stayed there with him, gently running your hands through his hair, the more his breathing evened out, and the deeper it got, and eventually, you realized he had fallen asleep. He had been so tired from being in pain, even though he had only been up for about four hours, that when the pain had lessened dramatically, his body was so exhausted that he just fell asleep in comfortable arms. You stayed there with him until the water went cold, and even longer after that, because you couldn’t bear to disturb him. After about half an hour, you softly shook him awake, gently helping him stand. By this point, you had both basically air dried, and Matt only pulled on boxers and loose shorts to sleep in. You tugged on one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers as well, going back to bed with him. 

As soon as he hit the bed, he was about to fall asleep again, and you pulled him back into your arms. You never minded taking care of him, knowing that he loved you more than words could say, and as he whispered a soft “I love you” into your chest, you knew you could do this for him for the rest of your life, and you could die happy.

“I love you more.”

taglist : @blahbel668 @mattsgirlfrieeend @69isabella69 @mayhem-72 @iculdstealurgf @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @sturnioloslife @heartsforkarina @nervousrebelglitter @sturniclo @elliegrace-7 @mattsturnioloisbae @strnilo @dazsha19 @patscorner @hailee22sstuff @tworosesblackthorn @sturniolo-fann

~ if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here!

~ my inbox is open, come chat!!

[alonetimelover]

pairing: Harry Styles x booktuber!reader

summary: A new series on ynrecommends channel on YT called Celebrity Book Club grabbed Harry's attention. Now, they are simply joined at the hip. As friends. Right?

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yourinstagram

liked by harryupdates, yourbestfriend and 17 291 others

yourinstagram hello! i started a new series on my YouTube channel - celebrity book club! my first victim was the one and only - Harry Styles. he has an... interesting library to recommend. click the link in bio if you want to watch me gush over harry, new bookshop I found and the best coffee ive ever made!! byeee, xx

also, you harries are too good with photoshop. i was sure he was reading book lovers...

view all 2 302 comments

yourbestfriend bestie gettin' famous!!!!

⤷ yourinstagram i knew it was a bad idea to listen to you...

⤷ yourbestfriend people need to know how great of a booktuber and reader you are

harryupdates that's a great video! i immediately subscribed to your channel!

⤷ yourinstagram thank you! I hope you'll find something for yourself there, xx

user22 came here from yt! fantastic video

user39 your editing skills are amazing!!

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harryupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, yourinstagram and 34 402 others

harryupdates yn from ynrecommends on yt did a video where she read all the books that Harry has ever recommended. she is hilarious, very sweet, and absolutely clever. watch it when you have some spare time, you won't be disappointed!!

view all 5 201 comments

hArrysbtch ive been watching her videos for months!!! thank god she finally gets the spotlight she deserves

⤷ harrysmoustache does she (like most of the booktubers) sugar-coat everything or she's just blunt?

⤷ hArrysbtch oh she's super down to earth! she also does those instagram lives where she talks about the latest book(s) she's read. super funny and laid back

⤷ harrysmoustache oh, thank god! i was looking for someone like that! im diving into her channel right now!

yourinstagram thank you so much! thanks to you, you harries are flooding my socials!! (im not complaining) xx

⤷ harryupdates can't wait for another video!

harryshoee she's so beautiful, too! and loves cats!

harrysmylife "harry, if you ever watch it, let's pretend you guys, if you ever watch it, i recommend you diving into Toshikazu Kawaguchi" she has TASTE, let me tell you

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harrymylove

liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 22 301 others

harrymylove I'VE MET HARRY YESTERDAY!!!! look at him and my doggy Bart. i still can't process it...

view all 3 301 comments

hArrysbtch how was it???

⤷ harrymylove it was so lovely! he was kind enough to take a photo and talk with me for a while!

⤷ hArrysbtch what did you talk about? pls spill the tea

⤷ harrymylove im an English major so i asked him about some book recommendations. he answered with "i didn't have much time to read anything new recently. but was recommended and just bought Toshikazu Kawaguchi's books, so maybe this author"

hArrysbtch Kawaguchi???? after yn recommend that to him in a video???? he watched her video??? yourinstagram

harrysmoustache I've just started reading 'before the coffee gets cold' and looooove it!!

harryupdates do we think he actually watched yn's video?

⤷ hArrysbtch i hope so!

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harryupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, harrymylove and 45 302 others

harryupdates HARRY'S official YT channel left a comment on ynrecommends latest video!!

view all 6 401 comments

hArrysbtch that bish said 'let me break the internet and use me fuckin phone'

hArrysbtch unbelievable...

harrymylove he watched the video that's why he recommended me Kawaguchi... im melting

harrysmoustache i hope that he loves it as much as i did!!!

harrysmylife 'love, h xx' let me go cry in the corner

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yourinstagram

liked by yourbestfriend, harrystyles and 67 492 others

yourinstagram hopefully, this date will be successful

view all 9 201 comments

yourbestfriend was it?

⤷ yourinstagram after a couple glasses of wine, we moved to the bedroom

⤷ yourbestfriend STOP

⤷ yourinstagram never praise a ford till you get over...

harrystyles Assuming it wasn't successful, do you have any dates free?

⤷ yourinstagram i'll need to check my calendar, although i only attend when coffee (or wine) and good books are provided

⤷ harrystyles Done.

⤷ yourinstagram i'll think about it 🫣

harryupdates oh those are so tricky!!!

hArrysbtch stop, i also had an awful blind date with a book...

⤷ yourinstagram that's the worst! i just need to read the synopsis and thena few pages to decide if I want to buy it

harrysmoustache why is nobody talking about harry being in the comment section??? ASKING HER OUT??? who is this man??? what's happening

⤷ user93 well, it's clearly not him typing or even controlling it! the managmet took it over long ago!

⤷ harrysmoustache and they say im delulu...

harrysmylife SHUT UP !!! avtivrry is my favourite harry, like??? what do you mean he can type the comment? the flirty one? the one asking a girl out? like???

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harrystyles via close friends IG stories

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harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, harryupdates and 4 292 294 others

harrystyles 11.08.2023 📚

view all 23 292 comments

yourinstagram you did not buy them just for yourself

⤷ harrystyles Wouldn't you like to know 😎

harryupdates Well-read king that we stan

hArrysbtch I'm connecting the dots here

harrysmylife welcome back 2013 Harry, how have you been?

harrysfan83 since that girls yt video, he became obsessed with books...

⤷ harrymylove it's called getting a crush on somebody

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hArrysbtch

liked by harryupdates and 4 492 others

hArrysbtch sooo, this is a still from yn's latest video... that stack of books looks awfully familiar to the one that Harry posted a week or so ago... coincidence? i don't think so. plus!!!! she did say she didn't spend a penny on those books

view all 928 comments

harrysmoustache if they are together, i feel like the fandom would love her

⤷ hArrysbtch i would hope so!

harrysmylife relationship, friendship or whatever -ship it is, im here for itttt

user94 y'all are really reaching now...

harryupdates it's the way she was glowing in that video for me! she looked so happy

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yourinstagram

liked by hArrysbtch, harrystyles and 76 301 others

yourinstagram when they read your recommendations>>>

view all 8 492 comments

hArrysbtch now let him play patroclus in a movie, i dare you Hollywood

⤷ harrysmoustache who would you choose as Achilles??

⤷ hArrysbtch you know what? let him be Achilles and Timothee would be Patroclus

⤷ harrysmylife this adaptation with this casting would cure me, for real

harrysmoustache he's in his lover era

harrystyles I love reading your copies of books with all the 'cute' and 'slay' and 'I LOVE THEM'.

⤷ yourinstagram it's called active reading

⤷ harrystyles No, its not.

⤷ yourinstagram party pooper

yourbestfriend thanks for inviting me!!!

⤷ harrystyles Do yo want to join us?

⤷ yourbestfriend I knew I liked you for a good reason

harrysfan45 so she is the girl from those pap photos

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harryupdates

liked by harrysmoustache, stylesbabie and 87 392 others

harryupdates HARRY taking photos of YN in Italy!!

view all 7 302 comments

hArrysbtch melting

harrysmoustache what in the world...

stylesbabie i know exactly what that photo is focusing on

⤷ user42 what?

⤷ stylesbabie (•) (•)

⤷ harrysmoustache in the wise words of Steve Harrington: BOOBIES

harrysmylife so they are dating

⤷ user93 no one confirmed it

⤷ harryupdates good luck with waiting for Harry, confirming that he is/isn't in a relationship

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 291 492 others

yourinstagram the promised vlog is up on my channel! grab some good drink and a snack for a quick talk about being single, vulnerability, loving your friends more than anything and - of course - some good books I've read in Italy!!!

view all 16 302 others

harrystyles I see the similarities between pictures 3 and 4

⤷ yourinstagram well, one is a cute little creature and the other is a sweet creature

⤷ harrystyles Good one.

hArrysbtch best vlog I've ever watched!!! Good job!

harrysmoustache being single??? what do you mean? i was rooting for you...

⤷ stylesbabie ...we were all rooting for you

harryupdates great recommendations as always!!! my tbr is growing with each of your video

celebrityupdates Single? Our sources are saying quite otherwise!

⤷ user56 spill the tea!!!!

⤷ celebrityupdates Link in bio to all the things you need to know about this romance!

⤷ harrysmylife it's like a man and a woman cannot be friends

⤷ hArrysbtch here we go again...

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a/n: do we want to see more of them?

[naturesapphic]

Have you seen Claudia's YouTube channel? I absolutely love it lol. Maybe a fluffy fic of us being all cute and cuddly on the sofa and claudia secretly films us for one of her YouTube videos lol.

-thanl you!!

Claudia’s Youtube

Billie eilish x fem!reader

Warnings: fluff! :)

“Billie stop that tickles!” You squeal as Billie’s lips are attached to your neck and her fingers are in your sides. “You said you wanted cuddles and kisses, so…that’s what I’m trying to do!” Billie say playfully as a smirk grows on her face. You smile and pull Billie closer to you so she’s laying on top of you. It was just the two of you in the living room just spending time with each other, so you thought.

Claudia came in the living room looking for finn until her eyes spotted the two of you. She smiled at the cute scene before her and went to go grab her phone. She came back and started recording the cute interaction between the two of you. “Billie…” you called your girlfriend and she let out a hm. “Would you still love me if I was a bean burrito.” You asked and she raised her head from your chest and gave you a shocked face, trying not to let out a laugh at your ridiculous question.

“Yes I would still love you if you were a bean burrito baby.” She laughed out, not being able to contain her laughter. You pouted and playfully shoved her off of you which made her laugh harder. “I’m sorry! I just…w-where did that come from?” She said cackling more and you eventually let out a little giggle. “I was being serious! I know how much you love your bean burritos so I was wondering what you were going to say if I was a bean burrito and if you would still love me.” You explained and your girlfriend gave you a big smile that made your heart melt.

“Yes baby I will love you even if you got turned into a can of beans.” She admitted then the two of you started laughing together which made Claudia smile big. She turned off the video and went back to search for her boyfriend.

~ a month later ~

It was now July and Claudia thought she would go ahead and upload her video on her channel. When she did, she made sure to send you and Billie a quick text to let y’all know that it’s uploaded and to watch it. Which she didn’t have to tell y’all twice since you and Billie watch her videos every time she posts. You both checked your phone and immediately turned on Billie’s tv in her room. It was in the middle of there video where you saw Claudia secretly film y’all on the couch having your moment and being goofy. You turned to look at your girlfriend who had a shit eating grin on her face as she watched the moment between you two.

You finished Claudia’s June vlog and turned to face your girlfriend who was already looking at you. “Maybe we should get Claudia to film us more often. I like looking back at moments like that.” You confessed and Billie’s smile grew wider. “I agree. I love watching back old videos of us and photos.” She said and you nodded your head in agreement. Billie looked at your eyes then they drifted off to your lips, making you blush at the look she was giving you. You leaned forward and captured Billie’s lip in yours. You both pulled away after a few minutes and looked deep in each others eyes, feeling the love in them. “I love you bills…” you whisper as you caress her face with her soft fingertips. “I love you most mamas…” she whispered back as she pulled you closer by your waist so your forehead were against hers. You have to thank Claudia later.

A/n: sorry this was so short guys but I hope y’all enjoyed! And thank you anon for the cute request! Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! More fics will be posted, I’ll be posting a Lorraine Warren fic soon and a Tiffany valentine one so keep an eye out ;) I love y’all!

[allurilove]

girl you don't KNOW how much the dumb yandere scratched that itch and i need MORE OF HIM🥺🥺

(also if you want smut and reader is the dominant one lol)

You were curious to see what your husband was doing on his brand new phone you got him. You secretly grabbed it off the bedside table, and you sat up and leaned back against the headrest. He was in the bathroom and you had a couple of minutes to snoop around. A normal person would probably have a hard password on their phone (at least you did), but of course he did not. 1234 was your first and last guess, the phone immediately unlocking, and you are greeted with a generic wallpaper.

He doesn’t have any games on his phone, and when you looked at his screen time, he’s mostly been on youtube. So, that was the first app you decided to look through.

He’s only been watching cooking videos, how to do this or that, and even “The ENTIRE Story of Greek Mythology Explained” by a youtuber named “The Life Guide.”

Alright, you weren’t expecting much, and so far, it seemed like everything he would watch and search up. You then decided to scroll through his photo albums. He had about thirty photos of blurry images that must’ve been taken by mistake. Most of them were unfocused or pictures of the ground. You went through his messages and the only contact he has is you. He texted you often, and when it came around the time you would get off work, he would call you.

He didn’t like the idea of you walking alone after work, and even if you explained to him that it was easier that way and it wasn’t even that long of a walk, he would be standing there outside of your building. You did teach him how to read a map, and even use gps. But, the downside was that he knew where to find you all the time

So, zero games and pictures. He did have a long search history and none of them were alarming. He wasn’t on instagram, snapchat, facebook, and even twitter. Doesn’t have discord and twitch. He thinks filters are scary, and he doesn’t know anything about memes. He’s seriously unplugged.

You check his email to see if he was signed up to anything… and he only had three messages. One from google telling him someone logged into his account, a little ‘welcome’ for opening a gmail account, and a ‘forgot password’ email. Usually your inbox was flooded with scam mail, sites that are a pain to unsubscribe to, and some random miscellaneous shit.

You checked his notes app and, lo and behold, the motherlode. This is what you were looking for. It almost felt weird to read through them; it was like you were picking at his brain and seeing all of his inner thoughts. You clicked on one of them, and it was all just different spellings of the word ‘Wednesday.’ Seriously?

[kings-paintbrush]

all (?) the “Jackie MIGHT return to YJ season 3” theory evidence

I’m a very FIRM believer in this theory. I watch a lot of the MCU insider leak videos and I pick up on a lot of the patterns,,

Ella posting the theme song on her story, the YJ YouTube channel posting a “best of jackie taylor” complation (the mcu does shit like that all the time when theyre bringing someone back), Ella’s in Vancouver, where they EXCLUSIVELY shoot the outdoor scenes of the show, the rest of the cast is in vancouver rn, there’s gonna be an episode called “Hazel Eyed Lazurus”, Jackie is- I’m pretty sure the only character with Hazel eyes, and Lazarus is a bible story abt death and rebirth i think

the hazel eyed Lazarus thing is ALLEGED so if you want to ignore it, sure! I wouldn’t blame you.

this is a selfie Sophie Nelisse posted

reminder; she’s in Vancouver filming YJ. So usually when that happens: the actors usually live together. If not together then in the same Apartment complex/Hotel/Rental whatever

And THIS is a selfie Ella purnell posted

and with a side by side

https://youtu.be/dtRhDZRHJXs?si=ph8KMJ4ZIst45j0L we know it can’t be for SweetPea, the trailer JUST came out. Theyre finished. Usually trailers come out whilst theyre in post production. Judging from the fact this teaser came out and it’s releasing in October, we can be fair in assuming she finished filming BEFORE going to vancouver in the summer. Also the show is set in London to the looks of it. and, the”project” Ella is talking about COULD be for sweet pea except for the fact that she has briefly mentioned it in interviews and a Photo + Synopsis was already officially released, she wouldn’t have to say “project” to promote something that is already in the public eye, I could bet 9/10 she’s already posted the teaser on one of her social media’s by now.

[pokeshippingweek]

POKESHIPPING WEEK 2024!

It's that time again, pokeshippers!

Last year, we announced that the format of Pokeshipping Week - one theme per day - was getting retired. We also said that we'd still put on a celebration of some kind going forward. Well, the time is here, and I'm happy to announce that we are planning a pokeshipping zine...next year!

If you'll forgive the bait-and-switch there, we have seriously talked about doing a zine, but time got away from us this summer. So, while we do hope to tackle that undertaking in 2025, for this year, we're planning what you might call an open Pokeshipping Week!

How does it work, you ask? Simple: over the years, you all have submitted a lot of potential themes for Pokeshipping Week. For every seven that got chosen each year, plenty were left behind. Well, now you can fill November 1 to 7 with art, fics, AMVs, GIFs, graphics, etc., all about our favorite Poke-couple, using any seven you'd like from the unused themes list.

Any and all contributions are welcome, and if they're tagged #pokeshipping week 2024, we'll reblog them here and on the main @pokeshipping blog. Besides Tumblr, we’ll keep our eyes out for the tag on Twitter and DeviantART for artwork, for fanfics on FF.Net and AO3, and for AMVs on YouTube (no NSFW, please).

The full list of unused themes (from years 2020 through 2023) is below the "Read More" break. Use, combine, and create as your heart desires, and we'll see you November 1!

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[whiteteadreams]

Pink + White

Pairing: Non-Idol!Zhong Chenle x Maid Cafe Waitress!Female Reader

Preview: “Chenle, we shouldn’t.” He backed you into the kitchen island, watching your every move. “Why not?” He looked into your frantic eyes that were searching for a way out with a false sense of confusion. Chenle placed his hands on the counter at your sides, slightly behind you, caging you in.

“T-the deal?” You assumed it was obvious but as you said it, you knew it didn’t make sense and you were screwed. “I think we both know that this-” he pointed between the two of you, “-isn’t a part of the deal.” He was right. You hated him but that didn’t mean you didn’t want him.

Word Count: 15.1k

Genre: (not actual) Enemies to Lovers, smut, angst, fluff, non-Idol AU,

Warnings: Chenle is really mean, reader is quite sensitive, their sexual relations aren't a part of the deal they made, both parties' consent and enjoy what goes on, blackmailing, cleaning wounds, chemical burns and bruises are mentioned, reader works at a maid cafe (men are weird and gross.), they aren't actually enemies ig they're just stupid, mature language/cursing, not proofread at all

Smut Warnings: slight dub-con (easy to miss), maid kink obvi, degrading names (slut, bitch, messy, whore etc.), kitchen sex, use of pussy pump, oral sex (both receiving and giving), sex is interrupted at one point, squirting, slapping, praise, heavy degradation, dumbification, dom/sub themes, chenle is mean, photo taken during sex, possessiveness, ik there is more so pls let me know lol

a/n- so this sprouted from several things lol i already had the idea for one of the scenes and then the youtuber emirichu posted her video abt the maid cafe and i just wanted to go ahead and write this. i hope you all enjoy it <3 ALSO sorry it took so long to write, it's over 11k words more than i thought it was gonna be lol

Stepping into the ‘Employee’s Only’ bathroom, you made sure your appearance was perfect before clocking in for your shift. Your thigh-high socks were all the way up, only two inches below the hem of your skirt. Your frills were wrinkle free, allowing them to show their true shape. The bow that sat at the small of your back wasn’t too tight nor too loose, it was fluffed, just like it was required to be. You didn’t hate the uniform, you felt really cute in it, but it was the customers that made it dreadful. The old men that would come in just to get called “Master” always, without fail, make some comment about taking the dress off of you.

Other than them, your job was quite enjoyable, it was a pretty and chill environment, you made close friends with some of your coworkers, and the shoes that came with the uniform made everything slightly less miserable for you. Shiny, black Mary Jane heels.

Deeming your hair, makeup, and outfit good enough to start your day, you walked out of the bathroom and headed for the machine in the back of the café.

“Hey girly” Minjeong bumped your hip as she passed you. She was the first friend you had met while working at the café. And even now, she was your closest friend. Your friendship didn’t stay inside the café but the two of you spent time together constantly.

“Hi Minjeong, have we been busy so far?” She didn’t give you a verbal response, only nodding her head with wide crazed eyes. You laughed at her expression and finished punching in your numbers. The ding sounded and that signaled that your shift had begun.  

“Alrighty, one of your regulars is here so you better go wait on him.” Minjeong pointed to the man in the corner of the restaurant. Having immediately recognized him, you grumbled a bit. Sure the tips were great, but you’d have to work for him. He wasn’t just gonna give you money for looking pretty, he’d make you run back and forth with different requests for the kitchen.

“Wish me luck.” Fixing you once slouched posture, you stood up straight and walked out of the back and towards the main floor. Minjeong winked at you, bit her lip, and wolf whistled as you walked away.

You were still lightly laughing as you approached the customer who had been waiting for you. “Well, aren’t you happy to see me?” Your real laughter stopped immediately and was replaced with your “customer service” laugh, it was fake and high pitched. “Oh I’m always excited to see you, Master.” You bowed your head, looking down at your shoes while you waited for him to say something.

“I think I’ll have my usual for lunch, but I’m in the mood for something sweet.” His gaze was almost predatory. The glint of lust in his eyes that were raking your body was unwanted. “How about you and that other pretty little maid over there tell me what you would recommend.” He licked his bottom lip as he pointed at Minjeong with his head.

“Right away Master.” Bowing to him and turning on your heel, you walked over to Minjeong who was headed towards the kitchen.

You walking quicker just a tad to put you side by side to Minjeong, all while still looking graceful for the customers who could still see you. “Sup pretty little maid, the guy over there wants us to recommend something for desert.” You smirked and raised both eyebrows in a provocative way. “Ugh, is that what he called me or something?” Nodding your head and linking your arm to hers, you steered the both of you back to the man’s table.

While you were still out of the man’s earshot, you heard Minjeong let out a, “Fucking old ass perv.” You elbowed her slyly since you were in the main dining area but still let out a snort, which of course caused her to laugh as well.

“Now I have two pretty girls to assist me. Okay ladies, what would you recommend for something sweet today. Of course, I’m open to trying anything.” Ignoring his obvious advances, you pointed at the menu the dessert section and gave more in-depth descriptions of all of them.

 “Oh my fucking god.” The voice came from behind you and was in shock. Minjeong looked at you with confusion. “Do you know him?” She raised one of her eyebrows at the man behind you. “I’m sorry Mister, it appears another guest is in need of immediate service. I’ll be right with you Master.” Bowing to the man seated in front of you, he rolled his eyes but allowed you to leave.

Minjeong who was still next to you wanted to know if any drama would come out of this conversation. Turning around to face the shocked man, you were still looking at Minjeong when you started speaking to him. “Is there anything I can assist you with Sir?” As soon as you said ‘Sir’, your eyes flickered to who you were actually speaking to. Zhong Chenle, the boy you had a damn nearly decade long feud with.

Before you could show any signs of embarrassment, he started talking. In a ridiculing way, he said your full name slowly. “I never would’ve thought I’d see you working in a place like this. The fuck were you thinking?” He just kept laughing, in your place of employment. Not only was he embarrassing you, but you actually liked your job for the most part and it hurt that he was making fun of it.  

Your boss overheard the conversation and the commotion that Chenle was causing. A few well-known patrons were getting annoyed with being disturbed. You heard your name being called from behind you. “Get this boy out of here and then get back to work!” Glaring at Chenle, you took him by his elbow and pulled him out the back door.

“Why the hell are you here?” You were seething at this point. But even if you were mad, the embarrassment you felt when Chenle’s eyes raked up and down your body overtook every other emotion. He smirked when you crossed your arms and put your legs together, cowering under his gaze.

“Why am I here? Oh, I don’t know, to look at all the pretty maids. It seems like I found my favorite already.” He looked down right sleezy.

“This café is 30 minutes away from campus, there’s literally one down the street from your apartment. Why wouldn’t you just go there? I work here to insure that I don’t run into anyone I know.” By your words, he seemed to gain something, but you didn’t know why the evil look in his eyes was present.

Chenle walked around you, causing you to turn around to follow him, not wanting him to be behind you at any point. “So, what you’re saying is, you don’t want anyone to know about this.” You slowly nodded, regretting saying anything to him.

“It would suck if I told anyone about this, wouldn’t it?”

“You can’t Chenle! Please, don’t. I’ll do anything!” You gasped, pleading for your secret to stay hidden.

“Anything?” He was sly, making sure that no matter what happened, he got the most out of it. In this situation, he would either get to bask in your embarrassment or he would get you.

You thought carefully about your next words, deciding if it would be worth it.

“What would you get out of it?” He shrugged nonchalantly before running his finger along the lace trimming of your skirt. “I think we both know that I’ll get you out of it at some point. However, you can just clean my apartment until then.”

Cleaning with the possibility of sex. You hated Chenle and he hated you, sex would never happen. However, cleaning didn’t seem so bad. It wasn’t as bad as everyone on campus knowing you worked at a maid café.

“Alright, sure.” You rolled your eyes at him, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling in your gut. You didn’t know what that feeling was, but you figured you’d find out eventually.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your feet felt heavy as they dragged you to Chenle’s front door. You wish they were truly as heavy as they felt so you wouldn’t be able to make it to the door. But still, no matter how much you wished your feet would somehow get cemented to the floor, you arrived in front of the wooden door.

Raising your fist to knock, you wondered if this was even worth it. Would it really be terrible if everyone knew about your job? Even the thought of people knowing made your skin crawl, so you went through with the plan and tapped your knuckles on the door.

Hearing a “One minute!” allowed you a bit of time to give yourself a breather and of course, Chenle being Chenle, that minute, turned into a few.

The door swung open once you decided to pull out your phone. Chenle, looking like he had just rolled out of bed, leaned against the frame. His eyes went from your trench coat to your sock covered legs, and down to your heels. His eyes never once reached our face until it was to question your appearance.

“Where’s the maid dress I requested? That was a crucial part of the deal.” Rolling your eyes, you grabbed the belt of the coat and pulled it loose, allowing the front to fall to the sides, baring your outfit to him.

“Ah, there we go. Such a good pretty maid. My pretty maid.” There must be something in the air, because no way in hell did Zhong Chenle’s words make you clench your thighs. Maybe it was the way he was looking at you with those sleepy eyes and smiling at you with that tired smile. Whatever it was, you hated it, but at the same time, you wanted it.

You wanted more.

More of him.

However, you needed to ignore the feelings and just get on with the deal you made. “Alright, what do you want me to clean first?” Smiling, he stepped aside, but not enough for you not to touch. Your side brushed his and he didn’t move until you were all the way in the large apartment.

“Well, you’re gonna clean something I hate cleaning.” It’s going to be his bathroom; you just know it.

Chenle led you through his penthouse sized apartment and said nothing. Walking through the living room that connected to the kitchen and following him down the hallway, he stopped in front of the 4th room on the left.

“Here’s where the porcelain throne stands.” The bathroom. Of course it was going to be the fucking bathroom.

You stepped into the bathroom that was easily bigger than your entire bedroom. Chenle on the other hand bent down and opened the cabinets underneath the sink. “So I don’t know if you’re allergic to any of these products, so I bought you these gloves. The chemical in the orange bottle makes my hands red so, be careful with that one.” You watched as he placed everything on top of the vanity.

Chenle stood back up and handed you the pale pink rubber gloves. “I wanted them to match your outfit.” You grimaced when you looked around the bathroom. For being so rich, the stereotypical housekeeper was nowhere to be seen.

“That’s why I have you.” Your body was facing the mirror and when you looked up to see the voice, Chenle’s mouth was against your ear. Apparently, you had said that out loud. “You’re my pretty little maid. We made a deal and I’m gonna use you in any way I want until you either back out or I’ve had enough.”

He gave your ear an open-mouthed kiss, lightly slapped your thigh where your skin showed and left.

We made a deal and I’m gonna use you in any way I want until you either back out or I’ve had enough.

He wants to sleep with you. Or that’s what he made it seem like.

Not knowing where to start, you decided on cleaning the floor last, just so if anything dripped onto it, you wouldn’t have to clean it twice. 

You were immediately thankful for your thinking since as soon as you picked up one of the spray bottles, it leaked onto the floor once you spritzed onto the washcloth.

Rolling your eyes to yourself, you went ahead and put on the gloves just in case anything else leaked unexpectedly. The gloves were your size which was helpful, you wouldn’t have to worry about the glove sliding down while you were cleaning.

Pulling the gloves on your hands and up to the middle of your forearms, you closed your eyes and randomly picked another bottle. Letting fate decide which disgusting bathroom appliance of Chenle’s you’d have to clean first.

Opening your eyes, bottle in hand, you read the description. You kneeled down by the edge of the bathtub, leaned against the side and started spraying around the tub.

You didn’t mind cleaning, you felt as if it was oddly therapeutic. Spraying the liquid, wiping it away, and watching all the gunk disappear. It was easy to let your mind slip and wander as the hypnotic sight played out in front of you.

The bathtub, toilet, mirrors, sink, and vanities were all clean after about 45 minutes. Your mind wandering definitely caused you to move a bit slower than normal but at least it went by fast. Reaching for more floor cleaner, Chenle walked into the room and just stood there. Stood there and watched you clean.

Tired of his watchful eyes, you abruptly stopped and slapped your covered thighs in annoyance. “Can I help you?” He leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed and a stupid smirk plastered onto his face. He shook his head and continued to watch. “Then why are you looking at me?” You refused to clean one more tile until you knew why he was standing there.

“Am I not allowed to look at my maid? She’s really pretty, it’s hard not to stare when I’ve got her kneeling on the floor for me.” Rolling your eyes at him, you reached for the bottle with the goal of ignoring him. “And now I’ve got her rolling her eyes back!” No matter how annoying he was at this moment, you laughed at him and threw the rag you were using to clean the floor with at him.

“Oh my god, fuck off man.” He caught the flying rag that was headed towards his face and grinned. “Nah I just wanted to tell you that I’ve got sandwiches on the table for lunch.” Chenle reached his hand out to you and shook it lightly, telling you to grab it. Placing your hand in the warmth of his, he helped you off the floor and led you to the kitchen. Your head hurt from the intense smell of his expensive cologne, the feeling of his hand still holding yours, and the thought of him making sandwiches himself, for you.

Pulling away from him to pour yourself some lemonade, with a shaking hand you picked it up by the handle and used the spout of the pitcher to ensure that nothing spilled out. Watching the pale-yellow drink pour into the cup, you listened to Chenle behind you. The crinkle sound the bag of chips made solved the mystery of where he was standing.

When your cup was full you placed the glass pitcher back down on the counter, the soft clink letting you know it was secure. Turning around to sit down at the table, you didn’t know that Chenle had also moved but he was now right behind you. Your chests collided, causing you to spill the lemonade on yourself and Chenle.

“I’m so sorry, it was an accident!” You could hear the drink drip on the floor but all you were concerned about was the stain that was surely going to be on his shirt in a few minutes. The stark white behind the yellow worried you. “Take off your shirt, let me spray it and go throw it in the washer.” His silence scared you more than the stain. He hadn’t said anything but when you looked up at him with wide eyes, he was just smiling while watching you panic.

“Haven’t even been here for an hour and you already wanna rip my clothes off.” He tsked in a mocking way but nonetheless he took off his shirt. When you reached for the shirt, he threw it behind him but stepped closer to you.

His face was so close to yours and quite frankly, you didn’t know what to do. You knew what you wanted to do, but that was a whole different thing.

“Chenle, we shouldn’t.” He backed you into the kitchen island, watching your every move. “Why not?” He looked into your frantic eyes that were searching for a way out. Chenle placed his hands on the counter at your sides, slightly behind you, caging you in.

“T-the deal?” You assumed it was obvious but as you said it, you knew it didn’t make sense and you were screwed. “I think we both know that this-” he pointed between the two of you, “-isn’t a part of the deal.” He was right. You hated him but that didn’t mean you didn’t want him.

He took another step closer to you, the space that was once between you was now gone. “All you gotta do is tell me to stop. I will stop, immediately.” As his lips moved, they brushed against yours.

“Push me away and I’ll stop this. You can go back to cleaning.” You would’ve laughed at him if you weren’t starting to get wet. The thought of Chenle doing whatever sick things he wanted to do to you took over your common sense and hatred.

You stood up on your toes, teasing his lips with yours before pressing them together.

Instead of laughing at you and cracking some perverted joke, Chenle caressed your uniformed sides. Continuing to kiss you, he leaned back, allowing you to put your full weight on him. His chest was much firmer than you originally thought. Under the baggy clothes he wore was a muscular, sculpted body. As much as you enjoyed feeling him, you wanted to see him.

“Chenle-” The name that whispered out was one you never would’ve thought you’d say in this way. He didn’t say anything back, but he knew exactly what you wanted. Chenle grazed the exposed skin between your thigh highs and the hem of your skirt. Those gentle touches turn rough as he picked you up by the back of your thighs. He held you close and just looked at you a bit when the movement broke the kiss.

The expression that painted his face could only be explained by confusion. He was internally battling with himself over the situation, much like yourself. The years of fighting and insults and tears were ignored by your lower halves, which were begging for something, anything.

Still without exchanging any words, Chenle turned around so he could see where you were headed, and you couldn’t. While he took you to whichever room in his apartment he wanted, you set yourself a personal goal of marking him. You placed both wet and sucking open-mouthed kisses along the column of his pale neck. His steps faltered a tad when you assumed you found his sweet spot. You didn’t hold back there, sucking the skin hard enough to leave an immediate red mark.

Chenle’s breath was heavy now, more than before. He feared that you had control over him, but whether it was because of the deal or the feeling in your bodies, it was the opposite. Feeling so wrapped up in your own world of bruising his neck, you didn’t realize how far he had walked.

You gasped as your back hit the bed and then giggled once you bounced. Chenle was standing at the foot of the bed, looming over your flushed figure. You went to make eye contact with him only to see that his eyes weren’t on yours. His were so clearly focused on your thighs. Your skirt was pushed up from your impact on the bed and your thighs were pressed against each other. While seeing that he wasn’t looking at you did make your heart ache a bit, but you quickly decided to use it to your advantage.

While still watching him, you slowly parted your thighs are raised your skirt even more. This allowed him to see your white panties that now had a very visible wet spot from your arousal.

“My pretty maid has such a pretty pussy.”  

“You haven’t even seen it yet.”

“That’s right, maybe you should take off your panties. Please let me see you.”

His voice had a whiny edge to it. Desperation laced it and it caused you to give in. Using your heels, you lifted your hips off the bed and hooked your fingers in the waistband of your panties and slipped them down your legs. They were still hanging off of one of your ankles, so you lifted your leg and brought the panties towards his face.

“My maid is a little tease too.” Chenle grabbed the panties from your ankle and brought them up to his nose. As the smell of your arousal entered his nostrils, his eyes rolled back, and a red tint covered his face.

Crawling on the bed towards your head, he planted kisses along your clothed body, letting out boyish giggles when he felt you twitch from it tickling. When his face was hovering over yours, you pulled him down by the back of his neck and smashed your lips together.

His tongue licked across the seam of your lips, pleading for entry, and who were you to deny him. Chenle’s smile was so obvious that you could feel it in the smile. You lifted your legs and wrapped them around his slim waist, keeping him as close as possible to you.

You tilted your head a bit, trying to get his lips on yours even more, if that was even possible. He matched movements, seemingly trying to do the same. Moans and laughs were the only things heard throughout the room, until a ringing sounded.

“Fuck! My fucking phone.” Chenle grumbled, several apologies and quick kisses were landed along your body as he picked himself up and grabbed the ringing phone that was on the nightstand.

“I’m” kiss “so” kiss “fucking” kiss “sorry”. You laughed at him and nodded, letting him up by releasing your legs’ grip on him. Chenle rolled his eyes, mimicked his father’s voice but nonetheless answered the phone before the ringing stopped.

Immediately the conversation turned serious, and he stepped out of the room. As soon as his figure disappeared into the hallway, the feeling of lust and lightheadedness left your body and shame took over. What the hell was that.

Your body was cold now, no longer embraced by the heat of Chenle’s body pressed against yours. But the cold sweat and the dry throat was enough to force you out of bed and towards the bathroom. Walking on your tippytoes to prevent any noise, you made your way to the bathroom.

Closing the door slowly, making sure the door didn’t creak, you splashed cold water on your face and cupped water in your hands and brought them up to your lips.

The cold water running down your throat soothed you, but still not as much as you needed it to. You almost had sex with Chenle. You liked it. And you were upset that you were interrupted.

Looking in the mirror, laughing at yourself, you shook your head and opened the door. Jumping a bit at the sight of Chenle leaning on the wall next to it, he was still on the phone.

He was slouching and opening and closing his mouth in a mocking sense of his father. He smiled at the giggle you let out. Chenle’s smile faded though, his expression turning solemn again. He looked at you and you looked at him, both of you silently agreeing that it was your time to leave.

With one last glance, you made your way out, but you could still feel his eyes following you, watching you leave. You had to stay strong and resist the urge to look behind you. Although difficult, you succeeded. It was difficult to understand what you were feeling, you hated him, and he hated you, but you wanted him, and he wanted you. You didn’t have to like someone to be attracted to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as you knocked on the door, Chenle opened it and pulled you in with your wrist. “Chenle, wha-” He interrupted you by kissing your mouth, not even giving you time to react before he started talking. “I just need you, I wanna try something new that I saw.” Every type of kink was flying through your mind, or at least the ones you haven’t tried yet. “Are you okay with this?”

“Yeah, what is it though?” Chenle walked you to the master bedroom, him leading you from behind. Every time he tightened his grip on your waist, you clenched your thighs, wondering what he had planned.

“I bought you some more maid dresses, some like your uniform and others, not so much. I just didn’t want you to ruin your uniform.” He opened the armoire that hadn’t been there the last time you were there. The opened doors revealed several different dresses from pink to black and others that weren’t traditional collars. They ranged from different styles and materials, but they all had one thing in common, they were obviously expensive. With the dresses hanging from a rod at the top, there was about a half of foot of space from the dresses to the bottom of the section of the armoire.

Before you said anything about what you saw, Chenle spoke up. “I know how much you like the Mary Jane heels, so I bought you a bunch of different kinds and you can keep all of them even after the deal.” You turned around to face him and smiled.

“I can’t believe this, thank you so much!” You walked over to him; heels clicking on the hard wood floors and kissed his cheek. “That isn’t all.” His words trailed on, he refused to look at you, and he scratched the back of his neck. But the thing that made you giggle was the blush that spread across his entire face.

This Chenle was different, he was more vulnerable which allowed you to relax a bit even with the sexual undertone. “The drawers.” He pointed to the four drawers that were built in, under the doors of the armoire.

Raising one of your eyebrows, you walked backwards still keeping an eye on Chenle who still refused to look at you. Turning around and kneeling, you opened the first drawer, the top one on the left. As soon as everything inside was in your view, you heard Chenle make a slapping noise.

When you looked behind you, over your shoulder, he was covering his eyes with his right hand. Looking back at the drawer, you felt the fabric of the several sets of lingerie. Some were classier, babydoll styles with sheer fabric to cover the skin and others were blatantly sexy, garter belts, hooks and rings, matched with crotchless panties.

“Oh my god Chenle, what a fucking freak.” Your voice was laced with tease, making sure Chenle knew that you weren’t truly making fun of him. His ears were now burning red, and you were worried that he’d start crying soon.

Opening the drawer next to the one you were in now; you saw even more sets of lingerie. You coughed at the thought of the price of all of them. “Okay, okay, I thought you’d look pretty in them, so I bought them, move on.” Laughing at Chenle’s pleading groan, you smiled but complied. Closing the drawers and moving on to the bottom ones.

You decided to just open them both at the same time, ripping it off like a Band-Aid. “Chenle-” Gasping at the sight that was in front of you. You didn’t think you’ve ever seen this many different sex toys in one place. Dildos, vibrators, gags, collars, leases, floggers, candles, and that wasn’t even it. There were things that you didn’t even know what they were.

“Are these for me too?” Your eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. You never would’ve thought that Chenle would spend this much money on you. You closed the drawers, got up, and approached Chenle who was still seated at the foot of his bed.

You pushed his chest back, causing his back to hit the bed. With him now lying flat, you climbed on top of him, straddling him. “What kind of shit do you want to do to me? Huh?” You laid your chest on his, your breasts pressing against him now.

His hands enclosed around your hips and pulled you closer to his face. “I wanna make you cry and beg.” Biting your lip at his words, you got up off of him and looked at your new collection of dresses. “You got me all worked up, what do you wanna do first?”

You looked through all the toys in the drawers, looking at all the ones you weren’t familiar with. “This dress, these heels, and this toy.” Chenle threw the dress behind him at the bed and picked up the heels and the toy that kind of resembled an oxygen mask.

“What even is that?” You followed Chenle to the bed and tried to figure out what exactly was the thing he was holding. “It’s a pussy pump. It’s gonna make that tiny pussy all swollen and sensitive for me.” Oh.

“I’ll leave you to put on the dress, just call me in when you’re ready.” He kissed your head and walked out, leaving you alone with yourself.

You kicked off your heels after unbuckling them. It took a few tries to reach the zipper behind you but after you got it and pulled down, the dress pooled at your feet.

“Do you want me to leave my bra and panties on?” Chenle didn’t pick out a set, so you weren’t sure of what he wanted. “No, just the dress and heels.”

Unhooking your bra and pulling down your panties, you picked up the dress and just looked at it a bit. You hadn’t gotten to see it when he pulled it out of the closet. It was a pink frilly one, really short too. Looking over at the pussy pump that Chenle picked out, you thought about what it would do to you. You knew that it would basically do from what he had said but Chenle didn’t say what it would actually do.

Deciding to just wait for Chenle to help you through it, you pulled the dress over your head. There wasn’t a zipper, the hem that held the bust up was just elastic, so it fitted.

The way you looked at yourself in the mirror and assessed the way you looked reminded you of how you would prepare for a shift. You felt pretty in frills at work, and you felt pretty right now, standing in Chenle’s penthouse bedroom in a pink dress that he bought for you. ‘

From the way your hair sat to the way your socks were tugged up, you made sure you looked pretty with Chenle in mind.

“I’m all done!” You called out and waited for Chenle to walk back in. Calming your breathing to make sure you could hear Chenle’s footsteps didn’t help, because they never came. The door immediately opened with Chenle walking in.

“Were you just waiting right out the door?” You made eye contact with him through the mirror. Even though you expected a verbal answer to your question, you received something else. A compliment.

“You look so pretty. My pretty maid. My pretty girl.” He walked up behind you, still holding eye contact and wrapped his arms around your waist. You liked the weight of his arms on your hips, and he liked the way it felt to have your skin touching his. When you turned your head to look at him directly, your noses lightly knocked against each other from close proximity.

Chenle squeezed your hips and started walking you backwards, leaving wet kisses on your neck until the back of his knees hit his bed. He sat down and just pulled you down with him. Both of you were still facing the mirror. “I want you to watch yourself during this. Since we’re bringing in new and more intense things into the bedroom, what do you want you safe word to be. I don’t want you to feel like you don’t have any control.”

With how short the dress was, being spread out on Chenle’s lap bared everything to your eyes. Your knees were hooked over his and since his legs were spread, so were yours. The obscene sight was the only thing you could pay attention do. The warm lighting made the both of you glow, and with Chenle’s sincere look, you relaxed in his hold and allowed yourself to slouch against him.

“I get that you’re really pretty, but this is important. I’m gonna need you to answer me if you wanna start.” He spoke quietly against your ear and looked at you through the mirror since it was the only thing you were paying attention to you.

“Look at me.” Through the mirror, your eyes connected. “No, look at me.” Sucking in a breath, you turned your head to look at Chenle. “So, what do you want your safe word to be?” His fingers lightly brushed your thighs, drawing shapes along your smooth skin.

Giggling, you thought about a word that was a bit silly and on theme. “How about Windex?” Chenle’s normal obnoxious laugh was dialed down for the serious conversation. “I mean, if that’s what you want it to be, I’m happy with it. However, I hope to never put you in a situation where you need to use it.” Your giggling died down and you smiled softly at Chenle, you wanted to live in the sweet moment, but with Chenle’s half hard cock sitting against your ass, your pussy spread out, and the pussy pump next to you, you needed him to do something.

“Alright, it feels like you’re getting needy with all your squirming, let’s get you wet.”

Chenle started with just looking at you through the mirror, at your pussy specifically. “Chenle, just hurry. Please.” He laughed at you and brought his hands from your thighs to your naval. He rubbed the junction of your thighs and naval, inching closer and closer to that place you needed him the most.

With one last whimper from you, Chenle gave in to what you wanted. He ran two fingers through your wet lips. He circled around your hole that was clenching around nothing, but he still didn’t fuck you yet.

“How are you so fucking wet already?” It was a rhetorical question. He knew the answer and so did you. It was because of him.

One of his hands disappeared from your cunt and picked up something from your side. The pussy pump.

He kissed the back of your neck and placed the chamber on your pussy after removing his other hand, now using it to hold the pump.

In his left hand he held the chamber to you and with his right was the pump. He gave the hand pump an experimental pump to see if it would stay. Like a vacuum, it gave your pussy a suctioned feel. It wasn’t like what you’ve seen with a penis pump. It didn’t blow air into you, instead it sucked it.

Giving it a few more pumps, Chenle watched and listened to you. Whining at the new feeling, you looked at yourself. “Chenle, it feels really weird.” He chuckled lowly in your ear and instead of saying something he just pumped it again and again.

You watched what it was doing to you through the mirror. “Oh my god, Chenle!” He didn’t give you a break during it, he pumped it, listened to your noises and then continued with his ministrations.

Tears formed in your eyes at the feeling.

You didn’t think that Chenle could possibly pump it again as the chamber was impossibly tight around your cunt, but he was able to prove you wrong.

It wasn’t your pleas or begs that persuaded him to stop. It was his own impatience. He flicked the valve and released the suction. The blood flow returned to your cunt and your clit throbbed, already so sensitive and Chenle himself has barely touched you.

The chamber fell from no longer being supported and you gasped at the sight. He wasn’t joking when he said it would cause your pussy to be swollen and you didn’t know how long it would last like that. You didn’t even move, scared to feel it.

“Oh my god, fucking look at it.” Chenle flicked your clit that had easily grown twice its original size. You screamed at the feeling, it felt as if he had already been touching you, for the whole day possibly. “How long is this gonna last?” Your thighs jumped when he ran three fingers through your folds. Playing with the swollen flesh and wetness, he thought out loud. “Imagine you stayed like this forever, ruined for anyone to ever come after me. Proof that you let me do these things to you. Think about what people would think if they saw you like this. Fucking whore.”

He slapped, pinched, and stuffed your pussy, forcing you to let out gasps, moans, and screams. It wasn’t until you felt his cock prod at your dripping hole. You had felt him get his cock out of his sweats, but you thought he was going to give you a minute before he fucked you.

“Wait, Chenle, just give me a moment.” He complied but still asked, “Do you want to use your safe word?” Shaking your head, you leaned back against Chenle, starting to take a breather. It quickly came to an end though when his hands tightened around your waist, picked you up, and placed you on the ground.

“While you wait, you’re gonna clean.” He smiled and threw you one of the old towels that he used to clean. You stared at him in disbelief, jaw dropping once you saw him scoot back on the bed, back against the headboard.

“What? You want to wait, but we might as well be productive during it. And get your tits out.” The stark difference of Chenle’s attitude towards you was something you were ashamed to admit that it made you wet.

Still listening to him though, you pulled the bust of your dress down and let the elastic snap under your breasts.

You got up from your spot on the floor to go grab the floor cleaner. When you walked your pussy clenched from sensitivity. “The floor isn’t gonna clean itself and at this point you’re just gonna have more to clean with the way your dripping all over it.” When you were standing over your original spot on the floor, about to kneel down you noticed that there were small droplets from you. Chenle just laughed when you looked down, not being able to hold eye contact with him.

Deciding to go ahead and start cleaning, you sprayed some of the floor cleaner on the rag and started to scrub the floor. “My pretty little mindless doll.” His voice was gentle with a hint of being condescending. Every time you would scrub the floor a bit harder your breasts would bounce and Chenle would palm his aching cock with more pressure.

Even though you had only been on the ground for a few minutes, you needed him to do something. You didn’t want to wait any longer. You needed to be fucked. “Chenle, please. Do something, anything.” His smile turned devious and soon after, you felt the flash and heard the click of a polaroid camera.

Chenle waited for the film to develop before he approached you. Crouching down to your level, he placed the humiliating photo in your line of sight. “Who’s is that?”

When you were about to say it was you, you realized that he said, ‘who’s is that’ not ‘who is that’. “Yours.” Smiling and placing the photo in his phone case, he helped you off the floor.

“Even though you’re a slut who doesn’t deserve to be fucked on a bed, you can rest your knees just since I’m nice.” His grip on your upper arm helped him throw you onto the bed. Your skirt lifted in the process and showed Chenle the curve of your ass.

“Spread your legs. Now.”

Laying on your stomach, you did what you were told. Chenle stood behind you, watching you listen to him. “Such a good little maid. My little slut.” Chenle ran his palm over the smooth skin of your ass before landing a harsh slap on it. He felt his dick twitch at the sight of the muscle jiggling at the impact.

“I need to be in you, need to cum inside that sweet pussy.” Climbing on the bed, knees on either side of your hips, Chenle pulled your ass a part as far as your would stretch before slamming inside your dripping hole.

“Fuck! Chenle! Feel so, so good.” Your eyes rolled back at the feeling of his cock dragging against your gummy walls.

With every thrust in your cunt, you could feel Chenle’s balls slap against your thighs, and every now and then you felt a slap against your ass.

“Yeah, this is what you were made for huh, just a hole for me to dump my cum into. But don’t worry slut, you’re the best whore there is, so willing to take everything I give you.” To emphasize his point, Chenle ran his finger through your swollen folds and flicked your puffy clit, reminding you of what you allowed him to do to your body.

Never once slowing his pace, Chenle tightened his grip on your hips and pulled your ass up off the bed, so he’d have better access to your clit. With the new position, your weight was being held up by your knees and chest, but with the angle of your body, your face was smashed into the mattress, muffling every noise that came out of your mouth. 

Your pussy throbbed, needing to release already. With the pussy pump, it felt like Chenle had already had his way with you, several times. The feeling of his fingers flicking and pinching your clit plus the head of his cock kissing the spot deep inside you was making you feel overstimulated, even though you haven’t even cum yet.

“Chenle, please, please, let me cum. I need it.” Rolling the bud between his pointer finger and thump, Chenle added pressure, squeezing it. “Yeah, go ahead, but just because you’re cumming so quick doesn’t mean we’re stopping any time soon.”

Deciding that Chenle’s trade wasn’t a now issue, you agreed foolishly. The need to cum was the only thing on your mind and once Chenle gave you permission, you let go. However, you didn’t think you would cum as much as you did.

Screaming into the blankets, you soaked Chenle’s waist and torso, squirting harder and harder as Chenle kept going. “My messy little baby, I told you, I’m not done playing with you yet. But that little pussy controls you huh, you just couldn’t help it!” Chenle laughed at you, mockingly.

“The only thing in that empty little head is thought of cumming on my dick.” Chenle fisted your hair from the back and forced your head to nod up and down into the blanket. “Wow, you’re already so cock drunk that you can’t even make your own decisions. Don’t worry though baby, I’m here so you don’t have to worry about thinking, I’ll do everything for you.”

Every single word that left Chenle’s lips were spoken in a sickeningly sweet tone that was so obviously fake. His words affected you heavily and that didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Ah, little slut likes being talked down to! M’not sure why I’m surprised, I bet you’ve always wanted this, me using you, belittling you. Because that’s what sluts like you want.”

Once again, he forced you to nod, but it wasn’t like you disagreed.

“Come on pretty baby, lemme see you. Let me see what you look like while I ruin you.” Without taking his dick out, Chenle rolled you over and onto your back.

With each thrust Chenle watched your tits, occasionally reaching out and slapping the soft mounds. He could feel your walls clench around his pistoling cock. He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. The feeling of your walls, the outline of his dick in your lower stomach, and the look on your face, he knew he was about to cum, and he wasn’t going to pull out to do it.

“You wanna cum?” You nodded, eyes rolled back, and jaw hung open, you were ready. Chenle’s pace sped up and each time he hit your g-spot, forcing you closer and closer to the edge.

Finally, with one last strong thrust from him, the knot in your stomach unraveled. Squeezing his dick impossibly tight, he came as well.

White heat ran through your veins, your vision had gone white, and you held on to Chenle’s shoulders since you needed literally anything to hold on to. You needed something to ground you. Chenle continued to roll his hips, riding out your highs and then some so you weren’t forced into a sudden stop.

“Chenle~”, you whined, wanting him closer to your shaking body. He understood and lowered himself onto you without crushing you under his weight. He signed into your neck, breathing you in and out. You did the same to him, hiding from the world, protected by his warmth.  

The two of you stayed in that position for a while. It wasn’t until Chenle could feel your wetness dry on his skin before he slowly pulled out and coxed you to use the bathroom.

Although moving was the last thing you wanted, you still allowed him to scoop you up, but not without whining of course.

Chenle placed your feet on the ground and made sure that you were steady before he helped you out of your dress. Your heels were long gone, somewhere discarded on the floor, but they weren’t anywhere in your mind at the moment.

He stepped out of the bathroom, telling you to use the bathroom so you wouldn’t get a UTI. You listened but called him back in once you were done and washed up.

“Let’s take a shower, get you all clean.” He smiled at you and helped you into the walk-in shower.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clocking out of your shift, you walked into the dark night. You were so happy that they put more streetlights in the parking lot, you and Minjeong both agreed that you felt so much safer now with the illuminated area. However, no matter how many lights they installed, with how much rain was pouring from the sky, you couldn’t see anything. And to make matters even worse, you didn’t even have an umbrella.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” Your heels splashed in the puddles as you dug in your purse for your car keys. Of course, right now was the time that your keys fell to the bottom of your purse, and you actually had to stop outside your car and dig around. The rain was stingingly painful. It was freezing cold and felt like little needles pricking your skin.

Your hand brushed metal that jingled in your purse. Almost ripping the keys out, you clicked unlock and as soon as you heard your doors click you ripped the door open and threw yourself in the seat.

Shivering in your seat, your body was even colder now that you were out of the rain. Your dress had gone see through and it was sticking to your body. Turning on the car and immediately cranking the heat to the warmest setting and so it would come out the fastest.

Not eve waiting for your car to warm up, you put the car in drive and pulled out of your parking spot and out of the lot. The shivering didn’t stop or even slow until you had been driving for several minutes but then you were almost at your apartment.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Your parking in your designated parking spot outside the complex was definitely not good to say the least. The passenger side of the car was on the line and even then, you were crooked within the lines. But you didn’t care, you had gone over the speed limit the entire drive there and you weren’t about to take extra minutes in the rain to fix it.

Making sure you had everything together, you cracked the door open, made sure all the doors were locked, and then made a run for the awning. Once again, you were colder after you were no longer in the rain, and you could barely hear yourself panting over the loud pitter padders of the rain above you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sniffled, sucking the snot back into your nose. Your head was throbbing, and it hurt to swallow. But nevertheless, you were walking out of the elevator once it arrived at Chenle’s floor. The thought of texting Chenle to say that you were sick crossed your mind, but you decided against it. Your past self would kill you if the thought of enjoying Chenle’s company, his cock, crossed your mind.

Clearing your throat and sniffling once more, you knocked on his door. You liked spending time with Chenle and based on him always answering the door immediately, you thought the feeling was returned.

“Hey, oh my god, are you okay?” So much for the bit of extra makeup to try and put the life back into your face. “I’m fine! Now, let me in.” Chenle moved to let you in, but he didn’t believe your words in the slightest. “You’re obviously sick, when did you start feeling this way? I saw you two days ago, and you were okay.”

“I got stuck in the rain last night for a bit after my shift, but I promise, I’m okay! What do you want me to clean first?” His eyes were wide with concern as he watched you shrug off your jacket and headed to the cabinet where he held the cleaning supplies.

Stepping in your way, he placed his hands on your shoulders. “Woah, woah, woah. You’re not gonna clean anything right now. But what you are going to do is go put on some more comfortable clothes and lay down.” You were confused why Chenle wasn’t just making you leave, but your screaming joints and muscles were louder than your worries. On shaking feet, you walked towards Chenle’s room, his closet specifically.

Not daring to even touch the designer sweatpants and baggy shirts, you looked for the brand that was the cheapest. Nike. His cheapest brand was Nike and even then, the pants and shirts were the most expensive of them. Kicking off your heels and taking off the long socks, you unzipped your dress and stepped out of it. Just in your bra and panties, you took Chenle’s clothes off their respective hangers and tugged the pants up your legs and the shirt over your head.

The floors were cold under your feet, from the hardwood in his bedroom and to the marble of the kitchen, it all caused a chill to run down your spine. It was either that, the fact that you were sick, or because of the domestic nature of wearing Chenle’s clothes.

“Do you feel any better?” The loose clothes felt better on your warm skin than your dress did, and you let Chenle know that. “I’m glad.” He kissed the side of your head as he rounded the kitchen island to retrieve his phone which was on the other side. “What do you want to eat? Hopefully having some solid food in your stomach will make you feel better.” You just nodded and tangled your fingers together, thinking about what sounded good.

“If you want soup there’s a place with a really good French onion down the street. But if-” he scrolled on his phone as he spoke out options until you interrupted him. “French onion sounds good.” You smiled at him. Even though you were smiling at him on the inside, you were frowning at yourself on the inside, mad that you were allowing yourself to feel comfortable around him so quickly.

“It’s really good, don’t worry.” He somehow could see your worry. The corners of your lips turned upwards at the sight of him dialing the number of the restaurant and placing your order. You wanted him to come closer, to wrap you up in his arms, cornering you, making you feel safe. You hated the feeling, but at the same time, you wanted nothing more.

“Chenle-” You finished just as quickly as you had started. He looked up from his phone, eyes boring into yours, watching you so intently that you thought that if you moved, he’d look away. You felt frozen as he looked at you, waiting for you to finish what you were saying. The words disappeared somewhere in the space between you two, lost in the chilled air.

He had no use for his phone anymore, so he placed it back on the white marble countertop and walked over to you. Even though his body moved, his eyes stayed still, continuing to hold your gaze. Once you could feel the heat radiating off his body and onto yours, you looked away, no longer able to hold eye contact. He said your name just like you had said his, quietly, slowly, longingly.

Looking back up at him, your lips ghosted the other’s. Not even a centimeter apart. The air you breathed out was the air he breathed in, and vice versa. Your noses brushed the other’s as you interlocked lips.

When you went to lace your hands in his hair, you felt the familiar tickle in your nose. Knowing immediately what was to come, you pushed Chenle away, turned, brought your elbow up to your face, and sneezed.

Chenle laughed as you wiped your nose. He tugged your closer to him and hugged you, your back to his chest. “Sorry for pushing you away, I didn’t want to sneeze on you.” Sniffling and giggling, you looked at him and smiled. “I appreciate that.” His smile gave you chills. It was so genuine; you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

You just wanted to stare at him, but your body had other plans. That first sneeze wasn’t the last. You broke free from Chenle’s arms and sneezed again, three times in a row. Your head was throbbing at this point and the sneezing didn’t help whatsoever.

Chenle noticed the sway in your stand. The dazed look in your glossed over eyes told him that you needed to lie down. “Alrighty baby, it’s time to lay you down.” He wrapped his left arm around your waist and put your weight onto him.

Baby. He called you baby.

Chenle walked you to his room, slowly, making sure that you wouldn’t fall. “My head hurts Lele.”

If your eyes weren’t almost swollen shut, you would’ve seen the blush that covered his entire face. All the way to his ears and down his neck.

Lele. You called him Lele.

“I know, we’ll lay down and hopefully it’ll be gone when you wake up.” Chenle helped you lay down. He whispered that he’d be back in a minute, and he was gone.

Closing your eyes, you brought the plush blankets up to your chin and fluttered your legs a bit, nestling in his soft bed. The burring that came with keeping them open immediately vanished. Your skin was hot even though you felt cold. The heat that the blankets provided was much appreciated.

However, you shivered as soon as something freezing hit your forehead.

“Chenle?” When you were about to open your eyes, Chenle shushed you. “It’s a washcloth. We need to break your fever before it gets worse.” You let him know about your disapproval by grumbling, but you didn’t state your complaint verbally.

He laughed at the noise and made his way around the bed to his side of it. “M’tired Lele.” He agreed and pulled your body closer to his.

Sleep came easily for both of you; however, sleep wasn’t interested in staying for you. Every couple of minutes you would wake up, toss and turn for a bit, and then fall back asleep. It wasn’t until Chenle felt this routine for about the umpteenth time before he wrapped his arms around your body tightly and pulled your back to his chest. Your half-awake mind decided that this position was comfortable enough, as you didn’t wake up again until hours later.

Your eyes stayed shut even after you woke up, the headache returned immediately, and you were determined to continue to sleep until you were no longer sick. But your goal was easily washed away when your pillow rumbled. The soft cushion moved at the same time you heard quiet laughter. A slight weight on top of your head joined the new sensations. But that weight didn’t still, it moved down your head, ran through your hair.

Deciding to fight against the crust that had built up around your eyes, you moved your hand up to your face and wiped the crust away with your fingertips. Once you deemed your eyes free of any annoyances, you opened them. The immediate sight was heavily blurred, the light fixture above you seemed extra bright but with the soft warm hue, you were able to get used to it quickly and soon you figured out that your rumbling pillow was Chenle’s thigh, and that weight was his hand massaging your head.

“Lele~”, your voice was drawn out, still deep and husky with sleep but Chenle understood you and smiled gently down at you. “How did you sleep? You were out for a while.” You sat up slightly to be upright and next to Chenle, but your straight posture didn’t last long, and you slouched into his side. “I still don’t feel good.” Without saying anything Chenle felt your forehead again, frowned, and picked up some water from the nightstand next to him.

The cold glass that was being brought up to your lips was the only thing that made you realize just how thirsty you really were. Chenle helped you drink the water slowly as your hands were still laced with that sleepy weakness. The soothing feeling of the water was welcomed, helping your sore throat significantly.

Silence filled the room, except for the TV playing some show that caused Chenle to laugh occasionally and your heavy breathing through your mouth as your nose was clogged. During a particularly quiet part of the show, your breathing was audible to Chenle, and you laughed. “I’m sorry for being a mouth-breather during your show.” Your apology made him laugh in which he gently assured you that it was okay and he’s sorry you feel so terrible.

“So, what did you do while I was asleep?” Pure curiosity got the best of you, and you wanted the visualization of what Chenle does when he’s alone. “Well, I was asleep with you for about two hours but when I woke up, I just stayed next to you in case you needed anything. I watched the movie I needed to for my communications class and I’m now ahead in most of my classes.” You were glad that your chest wasn’t pressed to Chenle because he definitely would’ve felt the tempo of the beating speed up. He stayed with you.

You would honestly, whole-heartedly say that you didn’t mind being sick. Chenle had treated you with a gentle tenderness that you didn’t think he was capable of. The thought of your guys’ feud and hatred for each other made you sad for the first time ever.

But you pushed the negative notion away and snuggled into Chenle even more, loving the unspoken reward of his arm wrapping around your shoulder, holding you securely to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the second month of your deal. Your knees hurt from kneeling on the floor to scrub the floors and your hands hurt from all the chemicals since you refused to use the gloves that he bought you. You refused to use anything Chenle had bought you if it was him attempting to be nice. Even though you two had had your moments, you couldn’t shake the thought of him just using you in some way.

Knocking on the door, you were expecting Chenle to make you wait and then finally greet you with a sleezy smile. But what you were met with made you step back. Chenle swung the door open and stepped forward.

“Let me see your hands and knees.” Instead of listening to him, you hid, you hid your hands behind your back and looked away. “I’m not fucking asking, show me your hands and knees.”

Chenle’s eyes showed that he wasn’t joking, this was the most serious or angry you have ever seen him. He stepped aside and nodded towards his apartment, urging you do walk in. You decided it would be better to listen to him and when you passed him and he’d be able to see your hands, you moved them to hide in front of you. But it didn’t work because as soon as your hands weren’t interlocked with each other, Chenle wrapped his hand around your wrist and pulled your arm up.

He gasped at the discolored splotches of your skin, where the skin was rubbed raw, and bumps were forming in some spots. “This is why I bought you gloves.” His voice wasn’t stern anymore, more so remorseful.

“Come on, I have some ointment for this.” His fingers intertwined with yours, and he lightly pulled you to the bathroom. Chenle’s hands were nice and cold, a good contrast to the heated and irritated skin of your own.

You unfortunately knew where his bathroom was. It reminded you of the first day of this mess. But based on Chenle’s change in attitude, you had a feeling that this bathroom would bring a new memory.

When he led you to the bathroom, he didn’t say a single thing. He didn’t make fun of you or scold you or degrade you. Instead he waited until your back was in front of the vanity. He bent down and wrapped his hands around the backs of your thighs and gently placed you on top of the bathroom counter.

“Is it alright if I roll down your socks?” His face was level with yours. “Yeah, that’s fine.” You nodded at him but looked away when you felt his hands on your thighs.

His pale fingers lingered on your skin longer than they needed to, but it was comfortable. Chenle did what he said he would and pulled down your socks. You could hear his swallow once he saw the dark blue bruises that littered your knees.

“I even bought you the best knee pads I could find so this wouldn’t happen.” He shook his head and turned around. He rustled through the medicine cabinet. You assumed he was looking for the ointment he had mentioned.

While his back was turned to you, you looked at his outfit. He was wearing a black fitted muscle tee and gray sweatpants. If you weren’t so embarrassed, you probably would’ve been drooling on any other day.

“Alright, this one is for your hands and this one will help the bruises heal faster.” He looked back at you and popped up one of the caps. “This one is going to burn a bit where the cuts are a bit open but that just mean it’s working.”

Chenle took one of your hands into his, cradling it with upmost care. He dapped the cream on your hand and allowed you to squeeze his own when the burning kicked in. He never said anything to you when your legs twitched at the pain. He made sure all the white liquid was rubbed in and no longer burning.

“And we’re done with your hands. The bruise ointment doesn’t hurt at all, it’ll feel almost cold, but it’ll be more soothing than anything.” You appreciated that he was walking you through everything he was doing without making you feel dumb and with the look he gave you, you felt anything but that.

You were pulled out of your daze when he brought your hands up to his lips one by one and planted a gentle kiss on ever irritated spot. Chenle didn’t look up at you when he did this, nor did he when he explained himself. “My mom always said that if someone you’re close to is hurt, kissing the spot that hurts makes them feel better quicker.”

He didn’t wait for you to respond before he knelt in front you in between your knees. He looked up at you from his knelt position. Chenle just stared at you for a few minutes, and you just stared back.

“Chenle-” He stood back up quickly, grabbed the back of your neck and connected your lips. Your hands fisted his t-shirt. He whispered your name against your lips and tugged you closer, so close that your chests were touching and there wasn’t any room to breathe in between.

Although you couldn’t fit a hand between your bodies you still tried to move closer. You felt your butt get closer to the edge of the vanity and before you could wrap your head around the fact that you were about to fall, you fell.

Your already abused knees hit the floor and you let out a cry. Chenle fell with you purposely, immediately addressing your pain. “Ah fuck, I’m so sorry!” He apologized even though it wasn’t his fault. He pulled you into his lap, letting your knees rest from the pressure of the ground.

“I’m gonna put the ointment on you, again, it’s just gonna be cold.” You heard him twist off the lid. He dipped his pointer and middle finger in the white cream.

He was right when he said it was cold. You gasped at the sensation and clutched onto him. Your breath was already shaky from the pain. Chenle rubbed it in gently, soft enough to prevent it from being painful but still firm enough to get it done quickly.

While you intently watched Chenle aid you back to health once again, you realized that as time progressed, your time spent together consisted of less cleaning and more…intimate activities, and not just sex either. 

Tears were still streaming down your face still and Chenle wiped the ointment residue on his shirt but still wiped your tears off with the back of his hands to avoid getting the cream on your face.

“How about this, it’s getting late already so how about I cook us some dinner and we can have an easy night. You can go change into some of my clothes if you want.” He smiled at you and kissed your lips; you kissed back but Chenle didn’t let you deepen it like you wanted. Chenle laughed at your little pout, kissed your bottom lip that was jutted out, and helped you up.

He held you hand and led you to his room. “I’ll be in the kitchen, just let me know if you need anything. Join me whenever you’re finished and comfortable.” You nodded and kissed him one last time. You loved kissing Chenle even though you wouldn’t admit it out loud. The feeling of his lips now was much different than the feeling of them when you first kissed. They were softer, smoother, almost nicer you’d say. He started using chapstick for you.

Even after having kissed Chenle several times before, he still left a tingling sensation on your lips. Once you were behind the door of his walk-in closet, you leaned against it and lightly touched your lips. The realization of what you were doing hit though and you mentally kicked yourself. Returning to the task at hand, you looked at Chenle’s closet, the familiar items stuck out to you, and you wanted to wear something you had seen him wearing recently.

The familiar black and grey striped hoodie caught your eye, and you took it off its hanger and slipping it on your bare body. Your dress was already crumbled on the floor, but you ignored it and went to the drawers that stored his sweatpants. Remembering the pair that you wore last time; you picked those and relished the comfortable feeling they brought.

When you were done, you crouched down and collected the pieces of your previous outfit and placed them in the tote bag that you had left in the bathroom. As you approached the kitchen, you could hear Chenle softly singing. You didn’t know that he could sing, and you wanted nothing more than to hear more. So, you entered the kitchen as quietly as possible and just stood there. Thinking about sitting in a chair at the island did occur but you quickly decided against it as the possibility of the chair scrapping across the floor would alert Chenle and the singing would most likely come to an end, which you didn’t want whatsoever.

But your secret viewing of the domestic concert came to an end anyways once Chenle turned around to plate whatever was in the saucepan. He smiled at you, deciding to ignore the fact that hearing him sing caused a blush to take over his face. “I hope you’re okay with me just reheating some leftover pasta, I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” You pulled out one of the chairs from under the island and thanked Chenle, ensuring him that dinner was perfect.

Instead of sitting in the sit across from you, Chenle sat in the one next to you. With his right hand he ate but with his left he rubbed your thigh over the sweatpants. It was silent for the most part, Chenle didn’t do anything to spark the conversation, however, he just looked at you. His eyes were telling you something, something you have never heard from him before, but you couldn’t for the life of you figure out that the look in his eyes were trying to convey.

The pasta was soon gone from the plates and now in your stomachs. With the fullness in your belly and the warmth that Chenle was bringing your body, you yawned, tiredness consuming your body and mind.

“Let’s go to bed, baby.” He called you baby, and you weren’t even sick. “You want me…to stay?” Chenle looked at you like you were insane, like you were purple with two heads.

“Of course I want you to stay, why wouldn’t I?” You just shook your head and watched him clean up the kitchen, which in retrospect, should be your job. “Shouldn’t I clean the table?”

The question shocked Chenle, “I guess I forgot about the deal to be honest, until now of course. You’re not as bad as I thought. And please, that isn’t supposed to sound bad. You’re not bad at all.” He was tripping over his own words, digging himself in a deeper and deeper hole. His ears were pink, and a nervous smile took over his lips.

“You’re not too bad yourself Zhong.” Chenle approached you slowly, the warm lighting highlighting his features beautifully. Once he was right next to you, he leaned down and pecked your lips. It was soft and sweet and said exactly what needed to be said.

“Now let’s actually go to bed, I can tell that you’re tired.” You were, and the fact that it was probably the dark circles under your eyes that told him so, you still felt the fluttering in your heart at the thought of him knowing you.

What Chenle did next surprised you, he bent down and scooped you off the chair. “Oh my god! What the hell Chenle!”

“Shhh, just let me carry you!” Giggling as Chenle carried you to the bedroom, you littered his cheeks, lips, and nose with several tiny kisses. He started giggling as well. You assumed your pecks were starting to tickle him because his pace picked up and soon you were in the air. Yelling as you landed on the plush bed, your loud laugh mixed with Chenle’s dolphin like howl.

“Now we’re waking your neighbors!” You covered your mouth and squeezed your nose, trying to calm yourself before you actually woke his neighbors or worse, pissed yourself.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Chenle jumped on the bed, next to you. His impact caused you to bounce and the giggling increased. The two of you, giggling into the other’s mouth, were rolling around the bed uncontrollably. The tiredness was most likely at fault for the fit of giggles, but it was almost like you were high. High off each other.  

You rolled onto Chenle’s chest and kissed him. Both of you were already panting, trying to catch your breath after the laughing session but the kiss definitely winded you as well.

The heavy breathing slowed the giggles and forced you to take a break from the other’s lips. Chenle was on his back, and you had rolled off of him and laid on your stomach right next to him. You looked at each other in silence, stupid dopey smiles decorating your flushed faces.

The moment lasted until seemingly simultaneously you and Chenle both closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep, but not before Chenle rose his hands in the air and clapped twice to turn off the lights.  

Chenle’s mood was similar to the one he carried before the two of you got to know each other. You didn’t know what had changed but you still walked out of the café and towards him.

“I just can’t fathom the fact that you get all dolled up like this just to go to work at a maid café. I didn’t think this type of outfit was your style. You look a bit ridiculous.” You were used to Chenle being mean to you, it has happened since grade school and all the way to your current Uni days. Him picking fun at your looks wasn’t surprising either, he’d always call you ugly or something like when you were kids but now, it hurt worse than ever. And for once, he seemed to pick up on it.

“What’d I say?” He huffed out a laugh through his nose, not believing what he was about to see in front of him. You crying. Chenle’s cocky smirk fell off his face, “Woah, woah, woah, what’s the matter L/n?” You looked away from him as tears started to fall down your face. Chenle cupped your now wet cheeks and turned your head towards him. Concern was written across his face. “You’ve never cried before, just tell me what’s wrong. Please.” The chill from being outside caught up with you and you shivered, your bare arms were now littered with goosebumps. Chenle immediately noticed this and pulled you into his coat clad body, trying to transfer his body heat to yours.

“Please tell me where I pushed it too far. I know I make things difficult, but I can’t stand seeing you cry because of me.” This was very unlike him, but you were too upset to ponder on it.

“I felt pretty like this.” The crack in your whispered confession made him want to kill himself for ever making you feel like this. Pulling you away from his chest, he saw your mascara running down your cheeks, snot leaking out of your nose, and your eyes were already puffy from the crying. “Oh, no, no, no. You are pretty, the absolute prettiest. I think you’re the most beautiful person to ever walk the Earth.” “I think-” He was interrupted by you slapping his chest, hard.

“It’s always ‘Well I think’ or ‘Well I didn’t think’. You need to make up your fucking mind Chenle. You think a lot of things while not thinking at all. And I’m done with this whole being your maid deal, go ahead and tell everyone, I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of you always treating me like dogshit. I’m done with the deal, and I’m done with you.” You turned on your heel and started walking away from the café and away from Chenle. Your tears were no longer of sadness or from being insecure. The tears now felt hot with rage. But, instead of lashing out even more, you just wanted out of the situation. 

Minjeong who got off of her shift 15 minutes after you got off yours was walking out of the backdoor and towards her car. You cleared your throat and wiped your tears, “Minjeong! Can I catch a ride with you?” She could hear the bubble in your throat and met you halfway.

“What happened?” She looked at you and then looked over your shoulder. “I’m gonna fucking kill you Zhong!” You put your hand out, stopping her from approaching Chenle. “Let’s just go Minjeong.” She ignored the anger inside of her and just huffed, held her nose in the air, and pulled you to her car.

Before she let you explain what exactly happened, she listed all the fun things you two were going to do tonight to cheer you up. But still all you could think of was Chenle. Even though he has hurt you in the past and continued to hurt you, you still had some sick soft spot for him. Maybe it was caused by the moments after the two of you would have sex, or the times he would pick you up from work or even visit you at work to give you a break from the creepy men. You liked Chenle and you hated him for it. But most of all you hated yourself for it.

Minjeong was still shit talking Chenle while you pulled out of the parking lot, and you refused to look back at him, but you could see him through the passenger’s side mirror. It had started to rain and Chenle was still standing under the streetlight, watching Minjeong’s car drive away. Watching you drive away.

You ruled out any possibility of him caring about you the moment he let you leave with Minjeong. If he liked you like he led on, he would’ve stopped you. He would’ve explained whatever sick reasoning he had, but he didn’t. He watched you leave and thinking about it, the fact that he didn’t fight for you, hurt more than anything he’s ever said to you.

“You need to get him out of your head. I know it just happened and you two have the weirdest relationship I’ve seen but it’s better to get him out of your head now.” You kept looking back at Chenle until he was out of sight. “Minjeong, I fucking hate that I love him.” It was the first time you’ve ever said it out loud, but she knew.

You looked down to your lap and played with the frills of your skirt, running your fingers along the lace. Watching the streetlights pass by the lights themselves were just blurring from your eyes still being teary. “Minjeong?” You turned your head but still didn’t look up. “Yeah?” She placed her hand on yours, putting a stop to the shaking.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” She laughed and shook her head. “I wasn’t even going to give you a choice. Even if you asked me to take you home, the answer was going to be a no.”

The two of you fell into a calming silence that was only interrupted by your sniffles and then a gasp once you felt your phone buzz.

“Oh my god, it’s Chenle.” Minjeong whipped her head around to yell not to answer it. “Well I don’t wanna talk to him right now.” You ignored the call, and her shoulders released their tension. “I’m proud, he doesn’t deserve your tears and he certainly doesn’t deserve your time.”

“I’m gonna miss him.” She placed a comforting hand on yours, eliminating the shakiness. “At least it was just sex, right?” Minjeong tried figuring out where you and him truly stood so she could assist the situation better.

“No, I wish it was, but it wasn’t.” Your hand slipped from beneath hers and raised along with your other to cover your face.

Minjeong didn’t pry for anything else, the rest of the car ride was silent, or at least until she pulled into the drive through. “What do you want?” Turning your head from looking out your window and out Minjeong’s, you rubbed the tears out of your eyes so you could read the menu without the blur.

“I’ll have chicken nuggets and a vanilla shake, thank you Minjeong.” She smiled and placed your orders with the person speaking in the microphone and pulled up to the window when instructed to.

The person at the window looked at your outfits and tried to suppress a laugh but once he saw your swollen face, his smile disappeared, and he just took Minjeong’s card to pay for the meal.  

“I can’t believe Chenle can be such an ass, especially after everything the two of you have been through. Sure you guys didn’t like each other but I saw the way he looked at you! I saw the change!” Minjeong broke her own rule about not talking about Chenle and the more she spoke about how much Chenle supposedly liked you, the more you felt your feelings disappear. What he said reminded you of what he was like before the deal was made, but along the way, the deal didn’t exist anymore, and it was just Chenle and you. You didn’t understand what processed him to say what he said but you didn’t care anymore.

Sniffling once more, you wiped your tears and leaned across Minjeong. “Hey, do you think I could get your number?” The guy at the window shot you a sleazy look and wrote down his snap on a napkin. You shot him a flirty wink and sat back in your seat naturally.

The guy handed Minjeong your food and called out to you, “I’ll be looking forward to talking to you.” Minjeong though, drove away before he could even finish the poor excuse of flirting. When you looked at her, surprised by her speeding, her eyes were filled with anger. “What?”

“What? What? What do you mean ‘what’? You just broke off your relationship with Chenle! I don’t care how hurt you are, but you are not moving on that quick, the only thing that guy is going to do, is make the situation worse.” Minjeong took the napkin with the barely eligible handwriting on it, without taking her eyes off the road, and she crumpled it up and put it in her apron pocket.

Minjeong didn’t allow you to get a word in before she started talking, “The both of us are going to call out tomorrow, from both school and work and have a little day to allow you to sit and wallow. But after that, you’re getting back on track where you lived in a world without Chenle.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was right, she sent the emails and made the calls herself on your behalf so you wouldn’t have to reach out to anyone unless you wanted to. However, the constant checking your phone wishing that Chenle was the cause of those notifications, caused your day to go much slower than it would’ve with him.

But no matter how many times you flipped your phone face side up to see the screen, Minjeong did a good job on distracting you. The two of you binge watched damn near all of One Direction’s content for the sole purpose of Minjeong getting to see Harry Styles on the screen.

The day did eventually come to an end though and you were forced into getting ready to go back into the real world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your step had a bit of extra pep in it and it was because of the thick wad of cash that sat in one of the hidden pockets in your skirt. You had your usual top customers that requested for you specifically all come around at some point today, so of course, your tips for it showed.

The sun felt nice on your skin, the several days long rain had finally ended and as the dark clouds floated away, so did your sore mood. Along with your thoughts of-

“Y/n! Please let me talk to you! Just for a bit, please!”

Chenle.

Looking behind your shoulder, you kept walking to your car. “Well I don’t want to talk to you.” Facing your head towards the parking lot, you spotted your car and made a beeline for it. Ignoring the begs and pleas coming from the man behind you, you just kept walking. That was until you literally couldn’t.

Chenle had sprinted in front of you and had his back to your driver’s side door.

“Chenle. Move, I want to go home.” He shook his head. “I miss you so much, you don’t even understand.” You scoffed, unable to hold in your disgust. “You miss me as your maid and fuckdoll, give me a fucking break.”

Walking closer to him, you tried to pry him off of the door. “No, I love you. I need you back into my life. I miss the moments when we were us.” You knew exactly what he was talking about, they were the same moments that caused you to fall in love with him.

“I know you know what I’m talking about. Please just forgive me. I didn’t mean to push it too far, I didn’t know you had changed, I was expecting you to throw something back at me. If I knew our relationship had changed, I never would’ve done it.”

He looked like he had walked through hell. His hair was a greasy mess, his eyes were bloodshot, he had dark circles under them, and his usual designer casual wear was nowhere to be seen. In Gucci and Louis Vuitton’s place was a grey pair of food stain covered sweatpants and a heavily wrinkled dark green shirt. He didn’t look like The Chenle. The person standing in front of you now was the closest version of Chenle that you knew. But this time, he wasn’t behind closed doors. He was refusing to let you in your car and begging you to forgive him.

“Now, how do you think our relationship changed?” Your arms were crossed against your chest. You mentally stabbed yourself for even allowing him a chance to explain himself.

“After a few weeks of fucking, we stopped with the insults. We started actually talking and, and, and you stayed passed the time you were done cleaning. You stayed for dinner with me, you, you, we slept together without actually having sex.” He was bringing up good points but in a very poor way. These things meant a lot to you too but with his portrayal of events, you didn’t have you convinced yet. Even though he never lost you in the first place.

“Remember when you weren’t feeling well but still came over to clean? I noticed that you weren’t feeling well and instead of telling you that you didn’t have to clean, and you could go home, I suggested you stay at my place, and we could have a comfortable lazy day.” Your stomach hurt for two reasons that day, the stomach bug that had taken over your body, and then a virus, Chenle. Chenle made you feel so pleasant that day. From him rubbing your stomach and shoulders on the back to him washing your hair that night and letting you sleep in his bed cuddled up against him.

He was right, your relationship had changed. It had changed so much that you went from wishing he’d disappear off the face of the earth to wishing he’d never disappear from your side.

Chenle could see you thinking, over the time you had spent together, he had learned to read you. He could read you from before, but he only knew what pissed you off. Now, he knew almost everything.

“Please, I’ll do anything. I can’t lose you when I love and need you this much.” You knew that you were going to take him back, but you still wanted him to suffer.

“Anything?” Although you tried to play coy, he immediately caught on and answered your question. “You know I’d do anything for you.” He cupped the back of your neck, looked into your eyes, and with that single close-mouthed kiss, your relationship was sealed.

Your hands moved from your sides to his shoulders and finally reached their destination curled in his hair that was now the color you had suggested to him, pink.

You hid your smile in this chest, he had made you cry in several different ways, but now, he was making you smile. “Chenle-” he shushed you. “I just wanna hold you, I never want to let you go again and I’m not going to mess up again.” His hands clutched onto you tightly, emphasizing his point.

“I love you Chenle and I hate you for it.” He laughed; it was high pitched like that was the last thing he imagined leaving your mouth. Once his laughter died down, he looked at you, really at you. “I love you too, but it’s the best thing to ever happened to me.”

[slvtforfiction]

Head canons and Twitter :)

☆ Jake Webber X Musical Artist!Reader

☆ I may or may not be listening to Melanie Martinez on repeat soooooo,Reader is based off of Melanie :)

☆ Fluff fluff and more fluff :)

☆ Part 2

☆ Twitter story and headcanons :)

☆ Sorry for it being so short! :( I couldn’t add more than 10 images,no more twitter for you guys :(

☆ Masterlist

☆ Hey guys! Before anything else I would ask you to request anything you want because I’ve lost a lot of motivation and it would really help! :D (Please look at pinned post to see if requests are open.)

☆ Creds to @cafekitsune for dividers :)

Headcanons:

☆ The most supportive and golden retriever boyfriend in the worlddddd.

☆ Definitely the first person to stream you music and the first person to hear it.

☆ Definitely vibes to your music,you’ve come home from your and smiled,hearing your music through out the house.

☆ Comes with you on some tours because he wants to be supportive and see you in action.

☆ Definitely makes an appearance on stage once or twice

☆ Even if your music isn’t his type of usual music he will listen to it endlessly

☆ Constantly asks you if your planning on making anymore music

☆ Is always the first to hear your music and will constantly brag about it

☆ Actively brags about you to everyone and anyone that will listen,his friends are honestly fed up with how much they hear about you but Jake could write a novel about you

☆ Blocks and reports anyone that’s mean to you or about you,if his friends do it he leaves immediately and doesn’t speak to them at all.

☆ Would defend your name to the ends of the earth,wouldn’t even let a spider hurt your feelings

☆ Protective bae

☆ If you’re ever stressed he immediately takes you into his arms. Once at a show you broke down crying during light shower and although he wasn’t supposed to he ran onto stage to comfort you,the edits came into your inbox for days.

☆ You’re always in his videos,and you make a point to be always available for him. There’s always edits of you and him together.

☆ A lot of hate was directed towards you considering you had a larger fan base than him and you had to put multiple stories out about how this was not okay

☆ Jake has made songs about you and you listen to all of his songs whether it’s your music taste or not,he’s supportive and you are too <3

☆ Multiple ‘Jake and Y/n being cute for **’ videos on YouTube.

☆ Jake constantly posts you in any way he can,like photos of you before a concert or photos of you performing or getting ready etc.

☆ Definitely hypes you up whilst you’re in costume/doing your makeup before a show because to him you look beautiful either way

☆ “Look at my girl,looking so pretty.”

☆ Definitely calls you nicknames/pet names like; Pretty girl,My girl,Doll,Love,Princess,Sweetheart.

☆ Multiple instagram stories of you two driving/flying to your next tour destination

Twitter story:

[ohbabydollie]

Hi dollie!! How do you think jschlatt would be with s/o ex k-idol?(kpop idol)

(Sorry for any writing errors! English is not my first language ���😭)

at first he truly thought you had came from a foreign country to texas because you wanted change

and you may not have corrected his assumption

but it was refreshing, seeing someone who didn’t know who you were who treated you like anyone else

and was it really your fault you wanted to keep it as that?

that was until someone stopped and asked for a picture, assuming it was him before seeing them wrap an arm around your waist and snap a photo

maybe it was just a one time coincidence until more people asked you for photos, ignoring and pushing schlatt aside to take pics with you

now he needed the truth

so you came clean and told him everything from your time in training to the retirement

you explained everything and he sat there listening with the occasional question

once you left for the night, he immediately went looking on youtube for any videos of you

from lives to concerts, he stayed up the whole night watching videos of you

then looking for merch of you

call it an impulse buy or whatever

but he sold out almost all the ebay merch except for a lipstick he was still bidding for

photocards, shirts, hats, etc. all of you

listening to your music and trying to learn the dances

he hides it though, embarrassed of his new hobby and even cleared out a decent sized closet for all his stuff

people call it a “shrine” but it’s not!

it just has some flowers and a few candles and your photocards…

yeah, that’s the one door no one is allowed to open

he thinks it’s so cool and will occasionally flex it to anyone if he feels like it

“last time i checked you couldn’t pull a idol so suck it”

your fans shit on him from time to time tho, but lovingly except the parasocial few

ur n.1 fan ended up being your boyfriend

[berryjammer7]

Why So Blue?

Alright, Baby Varian writes about a lot science stuff in my Crescent Moon TTS comic (exemplified on this page and the next: https://berryjammer7.tumblr.com/post/637645850521272320/crescent-moon-pg-01 ), so now I am going to extrapolate excessively about it to provide you all with even more needless details--specifically about the science of blue! (This will be a long one and a lot of text, so grab some tea or something)

Firstly, let’s talk about what most fans know about Varian’s blue hair streak. The blue streak does exist. He’s had it since he was a baby as seen in a photo from the show, and the color eyedropper tool in my art app tells me that is blue (NOT green, you colorblind fools). Then there’s the whole theory that Varian’s dad Quirin absorbed some of the moonstone while working with the brotherhood after it exploded a little bit (as one does). Then he passed that on to Varian. All of which is well and good.

But let’s talk about the SCIENCE!

Ironically, this is not the first time I’ve dealt with blue hair [insert artist backstory]. Before TTS even came out, I created an OC I named Blueberry (my user-name-sake) who also has blue hair:

(Don’t judge the anatomy, I was a baby artist)

Blue, as it turns out, is actually very rare in nature, and this sci-show youtube video https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9cdoPD51bng provides a pretty good summary of why that is (and how pigments work in general).

So while I had long since determined Blueberry had a plant based pigment that made his hair blue (anthocyanin), Varian clearly had some sort of mineral based pigment from the moonstone. I’m guessing he only ever had enough passed on from his dad to turn his hair slightly blue (until he snatched the moon shard in my comic, that is).

But I’m going to take this one step further. Varian’s hair is black, and if you’ve ever tried to dye dark hair, you’ll know that it is hard for any color to stand out without bleaching it first. And that’s where Poliosis comes in.

If Varian has a single strand of hair that produces no melanin, then the blue pigment can show more clearly. I find this to be a really cool option because I actually have poliosis (or something similar.)

(Kinda like reverse Rapunzel, amiright? My blonde streak is somewhere on the back of my head though, so not as cool.) This is also called a Mallen streak, but because that term is more modern coming from a book series set in the 19th century, using it in the comic is a bit anachronistic. The condition has been associated with witchcraft for a long time though, which seems fitting for someone dealing with the magic of the moonstone (whether he ‘works with magic’ or no.)

So yeah! That’s it! Seriously, go watch that sci-show episode, blue is SO COOL! I do wanna add a disclaimer though—if I am wrong on any of this science stuff let’s just all pretend it’s due to the limits of scientific knowledge at the time the comic is set rather than my own fallibility.😅 Maybe people already know all this stuff, but I just never see it talked about!

+++++

Bonus, this Wikipedia link for Al-Jazari: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ismail_al-Jazari Guys, this fellow is credited with making all sorts of automata (!?!), as well as the first flushing toilet—he deserves your respect!

[ctrl-alt-vibeshift]

in defense of the brat album art

my feed stopped when charli xcx dropped the album art for her upcoming sixth studio album "brat" a few weeks ago. like many angels, i was confused at first, as the image staggered out of the code on her merch site unannounced through a vinyl preorder link that originally had no image to go with it (and yes i ordered one before seeing any visuals...). even after she tweeted it, and the creative team posted about their contributions to it, questions were left unanswered. was it real? was it just a placeholder? was it an alternative cover for the brat_360 exclusive vinyl? this is not the album cover right? one angel dared ask our god in her twitter replies.

even before i got official confirmation that this was indeed the official cover, which i think came from charli's interview with vogue after the release of lead single von dutch, i was obsessed. the green: neon, but not tacky like the overdone highlighter trend already claimed by k-pop boy group nct, rather a muted, dull lime, catching your eye but not blinding you. the font: a simple sans serif, slightly condensed and elongated, nothing over-the-top or borderline illegible like the custom fonts artists usually commission. and the blur, the pixelization, the resolution, the quality (or lack thereof)—this is what really does it for me.

they're barely there, the rough, blurred edges of each letter, but once you see them you can't unsee them. the design evokes the feeling of waiting for an image to load in full quality on instagram, a youtube video playing in less than 1080p while buffering, a hi-res photo downloading from the cloud, a show or movie lagging its way into clarity on streaming services. or as oomf (@_alienmelissa) using a fan edit of von dutch lyrics put it:

(trans: lyric videos around 2008 all had fonts and backgrounds like this..........)

while thinking about the many implications of the low quality text on the cover, i read the essay "in defense of the poor image" written by hito steyerl in e-flux journal back in 2009, which perfectly put into words what i had been ruminating on:

[The poor image] mocks the promises of digital technology. Not only is it often degraded to the point of being just a hurried blur, one even doubts whether it could be called an image at all. Only digital technology could produce such a dilapidated image in the first place.

"one even doubts whether it could be called an image album cover at all," as many have due to the "poorness" of the brat art. better yet, steyerl goes on to proclaim "resolution was fetishized as if its lack amounted to castration of the author," also predicting the mass ridicule of charli for choosing and releasing such a "hurried blur" of an album art design.

regardless of what you compare it to, the low-res, early internet digital aesthetic it speaks to is something i haven't seen spoken much about. many twitter gays are up in arms about the lack of an image of charli on it, breaking her faceful cover streak (although she does hide it a bit on pop 2), and not giving them a new image to set their profile pictures to. charli has acknowledged this in the vogue interview: “I mean, as a female pop artist, what’s more bratty than not being on your album cover? Especially when there is so much pressure for women within the pop sphere to do exactly that," as well as in a tweet posted right before i started writing this:

which grimes replied to while i was writing this:

grimes scratches at what i'm getting at, but is more focused on the shock value that comes with its loud simplicity. this sentiment of breaking the feed, cutting through the visual muck and endless faces with a bold monotone color and by refusing to show face, is something i also admire. yet i think why i feel so passionately about the aesthetic value of this cover is that it offers me a respite from the overflow of high-res images mediated through the internet and onto my phone screen.

i'm so sick of the flood of iphone/digital photography, its quality increasing with each new device release. these images try too hard to replicate what they're representing, and create a false reality that many (myself included) get trapped in. we've sunken into the uncanny valley, and it's about time we claw ourselves out. i don't want to experience the physical through the digital anymore. i'd rather see all your pores when you're inches from my face than through the insane number of pixels resting in my palm. i want the images on the internet to be so obviously contained within it that there's no mistaking them for something material. i think this is why i'm such a fan of camcorder style photography and videos: like the chunky pixels surrounding "brat," they whisper i'm not real, i'm flawed technology, i will never replace the resolution of your retinas.

lucky for me, brat isn't the first artwork to do so, as there seems to be a shift back towards the materiality of the offline and the rougher edges of early internet interfaces within the broader art and design world as well. kat kitay describes this as "technoromanticism" in her essay "what's after post-internet art?" for spike magazine:

Exposed circuitry departs from the post-internet gloss typified by DIS Magazine, which shined up or hid away the ugly parts of technology. Hardware is made visible, laying bare the flow of power and information, at the same time transfiguring electronics into sacred objects. 

replace DIS magazine with PC music (its audio equivalent imo) and you'll get an analogy more relevant to charli's own aesthetic journey here. the super slick black lamborghini on the cover of the vroom vroom ep has driven off, her impossibly iridescent skin on the cover of pop 2 has shed its shine, and the skyscraper she's perched on for the cover of xcx world (RIP) has long been toppled, leaving nicki minaj's gag city in its ashes. the brat cover is the antithesis to these eras.

while ecco2k croons all i wanna see is 1080p / but reality keep me on 240 on "hold me down like gravity," maybe it's time to embody the "240" of reality again. with charli teasing this record as her clubbiest to date, tapping back into her party girl roots attending uk raves in her tweens, brat offers us a chance, both visually and sonically, to embrace the blur, the sweat, the adrenaline, the tears, and of course, the poppers fumes, of a low-res life.

[tamamatango]

“Keroro Gunsgo To The Polls”: The Possible Behind-the-Scenes of the Ad-nime Short Nobody Expected

A much less existentially depressing display of political campaign buffoonery.

Here’s yet another unplanned post from me. The other long-form ones I was talking about before I keep putting off because of work and also another pretty ambitious project I’m putting together taking my attention—I don’t know how or when to talk about it here juuuuust yet, but it exists in public and some of you already know what it is/have seen it, so stay tuned perhaps.

As you can see from the video link/photo, this post is a writeup about a surprise video apparently commissioned by the Tokyo Metropolitan Government that uses the Keroro characters to encourage young people to go out and vote in the upcoming elections for the Governor of Tokyo. It came out about a week ago, but I initially glossed over it because…well, I thought it wasn’t new. After all, the copyright DOES attribute the copyright to 2014 and it looks very similar to the Flash anime at first glance, so…this must be a reupload from the 2014 Tokyo gubernatorial election or something, right?

Upon looking more deeply into it, no. There’s no record of this ever existing before this week, and it was later confirmed to be new via social media channels. Which means this is technically a brand new piece of animated Keroro content, which I pledged I would report on. So here I am. Whoopee.

This post is going to be about the short from a production standpoint, primarily. I’m not going to spend time on the plot (if you want to call it that lol), as it was already pretty succinctly summarized by this post here by @unfo11owmelol , and I can say it’s more or less accurate, so thank you! I will make a comment in that the Dororo ranting about plastic thing seems to just be a running gag he has now—he was always an environmentalist of course, but his hatred of plastic specifically is kind of new; it was even a major punchline in this month’s manga chapter. In fact, this short has the manga’s quirks written all over it. It’s almost as if Yoshizaki himself was heavily involved in it. Oh wait, he was. But we’ll get to that.

The Context

As previously mentioned, this short was commissioned by the Tokyo Metropolitan Government and posted exclusively to their YouTube channel. This is where I was going to have a few sentences about how it was literally exclusively on the YouTube channel because none of the official social media accounts posted about it, but as I was writing the last 40% of the post, Keroro PR and one of the Tokyo government accounts finally mentioned it. So give a pat on the back to ol’ Kirb’s amazing procrastination abilities. Anyways, for the whole week before they finally decided to acknowledge its existence, it literally just dropped on YouTube with no warning and the only reason anybody on social media knew about it is because people whose YT feeds it popped up on were like hey what the fuck is this.

“What the fuck is this” is a pretty good question. While the fact that it’s about the gubernatorial election specifically isn’t directly mentioned in the video, it was pretty obvious given the timing, as it’s set to occur on July 7. I am not the most knowledgeable about Japanese politics as a whole, but this year’s race for governor is apparently particularly competitive, with over 50 candidates running. Here’s a short article giving a rundown of the race so far. The top issue is unsurprisingly the low birthrate, which has been causing panic over the fate of Japan’s economy for a considerably long time now. That’s why the government is very concerned that the voter disparity is incredibly polarizing, with young people voting much less than the elderly.

Well, what better way to fix low youth vote turnout than with anime? After all, the Zillenials want nothing more than to obsess over fictional characters while the world crumbles around them into inevitable disrepair I’m not projecting at all. The irony here is that, when the anime was originally in its prime at least, Keroro’s target audience was elementary schoolers. Indeed, the short definitely has the aura of a PSA they’d show to children, but obviously children are not voting. There’s even a point in the video where Tamama says going to the polling place is an opportunity to visit your childhood school, which is a statement more relatable to young adults. I guess at this point the main audience for Keroro really is considered to be the people who grew up with it in their child/teen years—unless the actual new anime gets a primetime kids’ TV slot, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Considering this is the most viewed PSA about the election on their YouTube channel by far, I guess it worked to an extent? It’s currently hovering just under 20k views, which isn’t really too much in the grand scheme. But now that it’s been officially shared on social media, perhaps that’ll give it a boost. Will most of these viewers actually go out to vote is the question…

Production staff peculiarities

As with any animated Keroro content following the end of the Flash anime—which until the new show airs has basically just been this, the new project announcement trailer, and some anti-piracy ad they were doing in movie theaters that they ironically scrubbed from the internet—BN Pictures is credited as the animation studio (though the studio Sugarless Factory assisted; they pretty much exclusively do production assistance for various projects). This is interesting because it looks completely unlike anything they’ve ever done. Unless I’m missing something, none of the anime they’ve produced before have been done in a similar Flash-like style.

Now, as we Internet addicts all know, Flash has been officially dead for a few years now. However, it might still be used very rarely in lowkey web animations like this, although a friend who knows more about anime production than I do told me even those are more commonly made using Live2D now. The credits for this short are very…short, but the director and a couple of other animators worked on a particular Flash-animated series called Oshiri Kajiri Mushi (“Bottom Biting Bug”) that first aired on the TV channel NHK in 2012. I’m guessing these staff are freelance, as that show was produced by the studio Kinema Citrus (a team founded by ex-members of Production I.G and Bones), and were possibly brought on to this short because they had experience with the software. If it is animated using something like Live2D, the experience still applies, as it’s apparently more similar to Flash than something more commonly used in anime like Clip Studio Paint. The director also has 3D CG credits and there is a credit here for “motion” that includes his name, so maybe a little of that was used as well. (Wouldn’t be able to tell myself—most experience I have with 3D animation is a one semester Maya course I took in high school lol).

Curiously, despite the potentially similar animation software and very similar artstyle + color palette, none of the animation staff, as far as I can tell, worked on the 2014 Flash anime. That is, except for…Mine Yoshizaki.

On all animated Keroro media, Yoshizaki’s primary official credit is “original creator,” of course. As the series creator, he would of course participate to a degree in most things related to the 2004 series, doing stuff like sitting in on some writing and recording sessions, contributing ideas/concept art here and there, and so on. There’s actually a Newtype article from around the announcement of the first movie I dug up that was officially translated into English, in which Yoshizaki talks about the pressure of being in that role. Most mangaka interviews I’ve seen about their involvement in their works’ anime adaptations are pretty overwhelmingly positive, but he was definitely more mixed. This might be a post for another day, since I have some speculations about his relationship to the anime as a whole. Damn, I need to stop coming up with essay ideas that are probably too big for my pea brain.

Anyway, Yoshizaki was quite a bit more involved in the 2014 series. He served as one of two people responsible for series composition (scriptwriting), though that could be because the Flash anime was a much more direct adaptation of the manga than the original anime, which might as well have been an entirely different series. IIRC, some episodes of Flash were literally 1:1 with the manga’s script…so I guess that counts as writing the anime too lol. He also storyboarded a few episodes and wrote the opening theme song’s lyrics. The next Keroro animation after that was the anti-piracy theater ad in 2021, which he storyboarded for. But you’ll notice with all the credits we’ve discussed so far that he was never involved with the animation proper past the storyboarding stage…until now!

Not only was Yoshizaki credited as original creator as usual, he also did directorial supervision, storyboarding, and was a key animator—the only key animator, in fact! I know it’s just a five-minute short, but the Flash series’s episodes were even shorter than that and had multiple key animators per episode, so this is kind of a big deal. It also might explain why the character designs look just a little bit more on-model to the manga designs than Flash’s did, even though they look almost identical at a cursory glance. It’s easiest to tell by looking at the less-rounded head shapes, plus a few minor details like Tamama’s eye highlights and the bridge of Kururu’s glasses. I am very normal, how could you tell?

So yeah, this makes this short the most Yoshizaki has ever been involved with the actual animation process. I can’t say it gives him the most additional credits, as it’s tied with the Flash series for three extra, but it’s something!

Closing out the staff section, some notes about the cast. As you might expect, the usual actors reprise their roles. Most notably, Mamiko Noto is back to play Mois for what I believe (unless I’m missing a random collab or something) is her first time in the role in ten years, and she pretty much didn’t miss a beat! In addition to Fuyuki and Natsumi’s VAs playing them recently at the Keroro expo, that’s three additional voices besides the Keroro Platoon’s that presumably are still going to be able to return for the new anime.

Otherwise, the platoon sounds pretty much like they did in the anniversary trailer and various other small projects like the anti-piracy ad and Tales of the Rays collab from last year (they each had multiple spoken lines there). Keroro sounds a tad deeper; Tamama has some of the Jibanyan nasal now; Giroro didn’t really talk much but sounds mostly the same; Dororo is also a bit deeper and sounds kinda awkward but I think that’s less the voice direction and more Yoshizaki possibly wrote the dialogue and he speaks more assertively in the manga lol; Kururu sounds literally the exact same because Koyasu is a magic man.

Made in [Insert Year]?? (Ft. A lesson in trademarking)

I mentioned this at the beginning of this post, but for a solid few days, I really thought this video was just an ancient (2014 feels ancient now anyway) reupload. After all, the copyright string says 2014, and only media produced during the Flash series era has that copyright year, so I brushed it off. Here, let me show you all the anime copyright strings per the current anime portal:

There’s no 2004 date on the TV series’s copyright, probably because it covers the entire series from 2004–2011, plus now 2024 onward (and possibly the anti-piracy ad from 2021 as well), and also most anime-branded merch and things. But when the show was airing proper, it was attributed to 2004 (you can see this in the opening credits of any season). The 2006–2010 dates are for each individual movie. And there’s the 2014 copyright that’s the exact same as the video’s, though here it is for the Flash anime, as there’s pictures of it on the anime portal site. As an aside, before 2015, Sunrise was listed instead of BNP. At some point all anime rights got retroactively transferred from Sunrise Inc. to BNP—not sure how or when exactly that occurred. For the movies, there were slight shakeups in the production committee as well (you can see my new project trailer analysis for more on that kind of stuff).

As you can see, copyright strings for the series are attributed to the year each individual “product” came out in, for the most part. But now we know that this ad is brand new. So…does this mean this political ad is counted as part of the Flash anime? They obviously didn’t plan to include this specific video ten years ago (unless Kadokawa bought out an oracle or something, wouldn’t surprise me). Maybe they left the door open to more episodes of the Flash anime proper, but that isn’t what this was advertised as.

Well, I have a theory. A theory that might be totally wrong, but a theory nonetheless. Let’s go on a massive tangent about the Japanese trademark system! (Disclaimer: I have no formal training in the legal field. I just have really weird research hobbies.)

I’m going to focus on two basic principles here. First, once trademarks in Japan are officially registered, they are active for ten years before the copyright applicant must reapply to renew ownership of the trademark for another ten years. Second, trademarks have to be filed under certain classifications that basically tell the JPO (Japan Patent Office) what goods and/or services the applicant plans to use the trademark for. This means that sometimes the same trademark will be filed multiple times for different use classes. The classifications are each given a two digit class number, which is further subdivided into five-character group code(s).

You can actually search through all public patents yourself on J-PlatPat, and the site is machine translated into English (though you still have to type the copyright you’re looking for in Japanese). Let’s take a look at the three different filings for ケロロ軍曹 (just the name of the series itself, not the logo).

I’m on my phone so I couldn’t fit the entire window, but the important information is here. Kadokawa Corporation is the filer for all of these, though Yoshizaki’s name is probably also on whatever application documents they sent, which aren’t viewable. The three versions of the trademark were filed on different dates about a year apart. You’ll see that class 16 is there twice. For the first filing, it was class 16 and multiple group codes designating different kinds of goods (class 28 also contains goods-related things); the second filing covers a single group code protecting “printed matter” (presumably this was to cover any physical distributions of the manga).

I’m going to take a closer look at the third filing, which was officially registered in 2004. Class 09 covers a shitload of different goods and services, like way too many to list. What I’m thinking is that the first set of goods trademarks filed in 2001 was just to cover the kind of stuff they’d attach to issues of Shonen Ace and volume releases as giveaways—paper goods, board game-type items, and toys/dolls are all covered under it. Then in 2003, in preparation for the inevitable merchandise and collaboration dump the anime would lead to, they opened the floodgates to literally any Material Thing they could think to cover. Like, I’m pretty sure we never got any Keroro-branded egg candlers, fire alarms, or “cigar lighters for automobiles”, but might as well cover all your bases. Wouldn’t want the local fire department handing out emergency gear with your cartoon frog on it without permission, you know.

Included among these materials are some items that might be a bit more relevant to our case here. There’s a number of clauses related to physical and digital film, photography, and other media: “CD-ROM and DVD and other recording media, electronic publications, downloadable music, downloadable image[s]”. Now, while this doesn’t cover “animation” specifically, it can possibly be stretched to fit that definition. This is especially because, in Japanese, the term the MTL output as “images” is actually eizou, which can refer to both images and video.

So, the version of the trademark registered for the brand in 2004 likely covers certain media-related things. There are other classes that include the word “animation” specifically, but it’s possible that those classes weren’t classified the same way back then as they are now, and maybe anything film-related could’ve been interpreted by the law to include animation. Nowadays, though there are specific classifications for animation, specifically “animation available for download.” This subgroup actually happens to fall under class 09, though other classes contain similar items as well, such as class 41. You can search classes by number or keyword if you’re curious about this.

As I pointed out before I presented this data, all of these particular filings are for specifically ケロロ軍曹, not ケロロ. If ケロロ is to be used in isolation, it would have to be specified as such in the registration data, because what’s actually stopping someone else from coming along and trademarking just ケロロ? Now, remember the name of the Flash anime? That’s right—ケロロ. Just “Keroro”, not “Keroro Gunso.” Incidentally, this video is actually not formally titled under ケロロ軍曹 (despite what the thumbnail says). The only name in the title of the actual video is ケロロ.

So here is my theory. Maybe it’s a hypothetical, but I’m going to treat it like it’s concrete for argument’s sake. In 2014, to prepare for the Flash anime and related branding, Kadokawa filed for the trademark ケロロ—individually, without 軍曹. Because it was the 2010s at that point, it’s possible that downloadable animation was more specifically defined in the group codes filed for, even though the Flash anime did air on TV (again, the strategy to this is about covering as many potential use cases as possible for maximum copyright protection). Maybe it was under class 09, maybe it was another class, or even more than one. For whatever reason, the trademark is not publicly available. But because of what kind of animation/video/whatever that specific trademark covers, this little election video is covered under that 2014 trademark.

You might recall how I said trademarks have to be renewed every ten years. Incidentally, it just so happens that 2014 was ten years ago. Most likely, the (secret?) trademark was recently renewed so that stuff like this would be allowed to be made and can continue to be made in the future, independently from “Keroro Gunso” as defined by the 2004-verse and the manga proper. And because 2014 is the original filing year of that trademark, that is the year that is displayed with this project, even if the trademark was renewed in 2024, or some other recent year. By the way, all the ケロロ軍曹 trademarks I covered were also renewed this decade, so Kadokawa can keep on doing whatever exactly they were doing with those. There’s probably even more hidden-from-public-view trademarks, who knows, there’s a thousand potential asterisks here but you get the picture.

Fascinating, isn’t it? As I said, it’s possible that I’m just talking out of my ass and all of this is either way more simple or way more complicated than I’m making it out to be, in which case I just wasted multiple paragraphs of your time. But hey, at least it was a fun lesson, right? I’m not the only one interested in this, right? RIGHT?!?!?!

Okay, I’m just about done here, but I’m going to tell you something plot twisty. Do you know what actually first clued me in to the fact that this was not made in 2014 before it was confirmed to be the case? Not the upload date. Not the fact that nobody ever talked about it prior to a week ago. Not even all the probably useless copyright shit I just spent a whole other post’s worth of words on.

It was this part of the video:

See, in this screenshot, if you look really closely, you’ll notice that Kururu is using an iPhone parody with three cameras. The first iPhones with three cameras were released in 2019. Therefore, this could not have been made in 2014. This stupid detail is what it took to get me to think about this video for more than thirty seconds.

Thank you, Kururu’s crippling iPhone addiction.

So yeah, go out and vote or whatever, wherever you guys are. Otherwise you’ll have to look Mois in the eyes and tell her no, and that will make her very sad, and she might blow up the planet as consequence. Not that the planet isn’t already being destroyed. Any of my fellow Americans want to join me for a screaming session following the last few days of federal fuckery? I’ll bring chocolate-covered pretzels to snack on and we’ll write the names of corporate lobbyists on them, it’ll be fun.

[harrysmimi]

Little By Little

Synopsis: One where Harry finds out his girl is struggling with ED (Requested)

CW: mentions of ED, please put your mental health first and read with caution. And remember, you're not alone in this, you are brave, you are strong. And I love you so much! *Kissie noises*

More of my work

Harry and YN had been basically living together at this point.

They've been together for about three years and Harry had somehow now managed to convince her to stay over for the weekend and she never left. He certainly isn't complaining because he asked her to stay with him.

But lately he's been seeing her food being left over. Both of them worked, Harry is filming a movie in London and also recording his fourth studio album, YN's working on her little boutique she's so proud of as she should be. So they'd made a little rule of at least eating one meal together, he'd volunteered to make them breakfast every morning (because honestly that's the only meal he can cook without burning down his kitchen) as YN hates early mornings. So he leaves her a plate of her own. Though he waits for her to wake up and get ready for the day before he leaves for work himself. YN has switched to working from home since the Covid hit and has chose to do the same, especially when her firm didn't mind that either, it also gave her time to work on some freelancing as a Photo and Video editor aside from having a desk job a software developer.

Today, Harry was so excited to go home today. He was going to ask her to completely just move in with him. She paid the rent this month for no apparent reason, he just didn't wanted her to waste her earning like that if she's not living at her flat anymore. Or if she changes her time and needs more time, by all means he is ready to support her through.

But he would be lying if he hadn't got used to living with her, going to bed with her and waking upto her gorgeous self everyday now. He felt so whole with her now. He even wants to pop question to her, especially since she's always been so vocal about how important it was to her. He's even gone as far to take his mum with him to find a perfect ring for her.

Tonight he didn't wanted either of them cook so he got food from YN's favourite restaurant on his way back home. When he got back, he found her fast asleep on the sofa, it was Friday night he noticed then. She has Fridays and Saturdays off from work.

He didn't wake her up instead he proceeded to transfer all off the fold out of the plastic trying to make as less noise as he could knowing how much of a light sleeper his girl is. After be put lids on all of the food thermoses — great investment YN made him do — he went to check in on her before he proceeded to clean up. She had a bad habit of covering up her face with the blanket and it scares it that she's going to suffocate herself even though she's assured him many times that she can breath in just fine.

He also found it a tiny bit odd seeing her asleep in late afternoon as she's not the one to take naps but, she had much more commissioned work to do she must've been tired. Shrugging it off Harry padded his wak to the living room.

And he was just right!

She had that damn blanker over her face. He crouched next to her.

"Hey, baby, do you wanna wake up?" He called tugging the blanket off her face, "lemme see you gorgeous, I missed you today!" He cooed when she wouldn't let go.

"Five minutes!" She whined.

"Okay, but lemme see you." He requested, "there you are!" He celebrated quietly seeing her face after long hours of the day. "Hello, my love." He leans down to kiss her forehead.

"Hi," she looked at him surprised, "you came early today?"

"Mhmm," he nodded, "thought we could spend some time together for the weekend."

"Oh, I'm sorry I fell asleep watching TV." She flops on her back to look at the TV was turned off, it must have turned off on it's own as it was left unattended. She did planned to watch favourite bakery YouTuber but she just fell asleep.

"It's alright," he assured her, "do you want to wake up now?"

"Mhmm." She nodded sitting up straight midway of her yawning out her tiredness away.

"You had a good sleep?" He proceeded to take a seat in front of her, she nods again as she wraps her arms around his middle for a quick cuddle. Taking the smell of his cologne, sweet, cold and earthy tones laced with hints of sandal wood, he always smelled like he'd just gotten out of a steamy souna. "I brought your favourite so you won't have to cook tonight." He shared, snaking his own arms around her.

It was her turn to cook tonight. Mainly every dinner was on her because she really fears Harry's either going to loose a finger or two in attempt of chopping veggies and stuff or burn down his beautiful home. So she just takes it upon herself to make food.

"You did?" Her voice came as a muffle against his chest.

"Yeah," he caressed her hair gently, "do you want to go out on a walk before we eat?"

"No, we can just stay in and watch a movie or something." She suggested, pulling away from his embrace politely.

"Yeah, we can do that." He agrees, anything to spend more time with her. Though they both haven't been out since past three weeks, at he goes out for work but she haven't left her house. Even to run her errands. She instead opts to get everything home delivered.

"Okay." She said pushing the blanket off her body noticing Harry was leaning in to steal a little kiss but she moves back, watching him cant his head and look at her confusedly. "I just woke up from a long nap."

"I don't mind." He chuckled, "haven't we had morning sex many, many times?"

She sighs watching him a little hurt and press her mouth onto his in a tender kiss. He kisses her back regardless with same love.

"I need to pee so bad!" She exclaims, trying to find energy to get up. Harry giggles at her adorable laziness and watches her make a run for the bathroom.

He walks back to the kitchen and cleans up all the mess he made, wiping down the counter where he managed to spill drops of gravy and bits of rice with paper towel. He threw away all the trash and noticed she hasn't taken it out today, so he took that out himself. He made himself and his love some tea. Opening the fridge to get milk for YN's tea he saw plate of waffles he left for her today.

She didn't even take a bite frim it. He also found little storage containers with more breakfast foods he made from four days ago. Haven't she been eating? Has she been eating out? He wondered.

Harry took out all the spoilt food from the fridge to throw it away but he kept it on the counter to wait for her come back out. He is well aware that he isn't the best at cooking but she could have told him not to make her anything. Yes, it would have hurt him but not this much.

"You didn't eat you breakfast." He spoke when he saw her walking back down the stairs. Caught, she almost tripped down.

"Be careful!" He rushed towards her rather quickly, holding onto her. YN shook her head jerkingly as if she was not trying to be dizzy. "Hey what's wrong, sweetheart? You alright?" She clung onto him like a koala.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good." She nodded and stood back on het feet. Harry still walked to the sofa and her sit down as he fetched her some water. He sat next to her. "Baby what's wrong? Did you start your period?" He enquired, nit to be offensive but she does tend to feel dizzy or even pass out when she's on her period.

"No, I didn't." She gulped down half of that glass of water he gave her in one go.

It clicked to him, "did you not eat at all today? Not even the snacks I got you yesterday from the grocery trip?"

"No, I just fell asleep watching TV." She said, which entirely wasn't the truth but it was.

"I, uh, baby you need to tell me what is going on, okay? Of course you haven't been falling asleep from past four days, have you?" He was being too harsh with his interrogation so he stopped there waiting for her to answer. She just opted to drink from her water instead, so he pulled her closer to his side.

YN just leaned into his touch there. She hasn't been feeling quite good in her skin recently. So many reasons to unpack but she never felt like talking to him about it. He has helped her through many of her low, he's calmer and seems to think thoroughly in moments of crisis and she's so grateful to have found him.

Oh she couldn't list many things why she was feeling this way. Which she did not felt is right to talk about but the feeling of her stomach empty felt eerily right to her, lile it always did. She bas gotten over this in past and she's sure she can do it this time too. She loves food and she can't stay away from it really.

She did ate dinner with Harry every night. Though she served herself, quarter of what she eats, but ends up throwing up in the middle of the night in the downstairs bathroom. She just doesn't want to burden Harry with this. He's already pretty stressed with his next year's spring summer collection to be bothered by her.

"Hey, it's okay my darling angel," she heard Harry coo to her realising she has been sobbing now. "You know you can talk to me right, YN?"

"Mhmm." She nodded. "I don't know, I don't know what's, what's wrong I just want to go to bed." Her voice low like a sad whining little puppy between her cries. She's sure which are ugly too.

"Already?" He enquired which made her cry even more so it scared him. For the first time Harry didn't know how to help her or even know what was actually going on. "It's okay we'll talk about it when you're ready, okay? You want to watch TV instead?" And she just nodded.

Harry took the empty glass of water from her and kept it on the coffee table, he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV to play one of her favourite movie. He didn't even bother to change as he got her comfy next to him under the blanket she was wearing earlier. She looked up at him when she could feel his gaze on her, he just placed an assuring hand on her cheek.

"It's okay, I'm here." He whispered to her with a kiss on her forehead. YN just rested her head on his chest as she stared at the TV trying not to fall asleep on her problems the best she could.

"I, I think I wanna go on a walk." She suggested.

"Yeah?" He smiled at her, "lemme grab a jumper for you real quick then." He carefully peeled herself from her urging her to go put her shoes on, a little no-shoes-inside custom he's grown to follows since her stay. He ran upstairs to get her one of his hoodies which he helped her slip of as well put his own jacket on as it was getting a bit chilly outside.

"My baby," he tugged her closer to him, "our neighbours are getting Christmas spirit, aren't they?" He pointed out, little gruesome Halloween decorations already have been swapped with happy Christmas decorations. It made her feel that much more calmer.

"Yeah. We should put up some decorations too." She suggested looking around.

"We can do that tomorrow," he agreed. "Feel any better?"

"Mhmm." She sounded, "don't feel like talking about it."

"That's okay, whenever you're ready baby." He pressed a kiss on top of her head. It wasn't that late so they took the bus to the mall to look around for a Christmas tree. "We should get a real one."

"No, it's gonna die by the end of the week." YN chuckled at his suggestion. "We can reuse these ones."

"That's boring. A real would be eco-friendly options."

"Not when you'll have to buy another one to be put on actual Christmas day." She pulled him to the little gift section to look for inspiration to buy presents for his mum and sister. Whilst her parents didn't approved of Harry, his family welcomed her very warmly into theirs.

When they went back home, Harry tried to serve them dinner he bought with him. YN didn't say much but pushed around her food after taking three bites waiting Harry to finish up.

"Sunshine you didn't eat anything." He cooed to her, "a little more?"

"No, I, I ate." She shook her head, "I'm just not that hungry."

"Why not baby?" He pulled his chair closer to hers seeing tears brim in her eyes behind her glasses, "hey lovie, it's okay you can tell me."

"It just feels good to not to," she admitted, "I just don't want to eat."

"Well you gotta fuel your body, don't you? Why do you feel that way, hmm, do you wanna tell me?" He asked, carefully reaching for her hands in her lap.

"I don't know. It feels better to feel hungry and not eat. I deserve it." She choked, "I don't want to do that. But I don't want to feel this way either. I don't know what is going. I, I don't know what do!"

"Hey, c'mere." He got up picking her up with her legs wrapped around his hips as he walked upto their bedroom, somewhere she's more comfortable to talk. He tucked her under their blanket as he slipped next to her. She cried in his chest. "No one deserves to be hungry, okay? Especially my girl. It is going to be difficult but we can make things better."

"I don't mean to cry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She cried even more.

"It's okay to cry, lovie, don't ever apologise for that." He held onto her tightly, "please don't take this a wrong way, okay? Do you think you want to get professional help? If not then it's fine, we'll figure out a way to make you better."

"I don't know," was her answer.

"That's alright!" He assured her, "you can take it all little by little okay? What do you say we start from tomorrow morning?"

"Mhm!" She nodded, "I want to sleep now."

"Of course my baby, go to sleep I'll be here when you wake up."

.....................................................................

It's been long six months now.

Harry had been trying to help his girl the best he could. It made him happy when she recently agreed on, he'd drove her to her therapist's office just this morning on his way to work.

Meanwhile they've been going on morning and evening walks, it helped her though it was not enough. But at least it was getting her somewhere to begin with. She'd still try and stall her way out of it, but Harry's there by her side.

He went home early today, to make them a nice dinner. Nice Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, it was her favourites as she ordered it on their first lunch date. He had Shania Twain playing in the background in low volume, as he sang along to her putting together a dinner.

"Where did you come from?" He heard his surprised girlfriend, she was stopped in the middle of the living room with her bag hung over her shoulder and a little paper bag from the tech shop. She must have bought another SD card he figured.

"Work...?" He laughed knowing exactly what she meant. He's been working late so it was a surprise to her, "how is your day going so far?"

"Good, had to mail the SD I had to my client so I went to buy a new one." She held up the tiny paper bag in her hand, "I am never taking his projects again for sure."

"Why are they demanding?" He asked.

"He's been constantly emailing me to mail the SD to him so that his wedding pictures don't get posted anywhere else it's infuriating I made him pay for it!" She ranted in one go as she stomped in kitchen and got herself a glass of water.

"Karen, isn't he?" He chuckled making her giggle too.

"You know how expensive SD cards are. God!" She sighed. "What are you doing?"

"Making us dinner." He he was chopping up Tomatoes for the soup.

"Do you want me to help you?" She offered, "please?"

"Why not baby!" he agreed.

"I'll go change real quick, don't start without me." She said already making her way out of the kitchen.

"Oi, come back here now!" He faux-scolding made her stop dead in her tracks, she walked back to him, "gimme a kiss." He leaned down to match her height with a cheesy smile on his face.

Of course she leaned in, her small hand cupping his jaw in between her thumb and fingers gently. Looking him dead in the dead with the softest smile he's seen on anything, waiting for her to give him the kiss. She pulled back to his dismay.

"Ask nicely next time." She tried to run away but he is rather swift with his moment he caught her by her hips and turning her around started tickling her. "Ah, Harry!" She squirmed, giggling.

"Is this nice enough?" He teased her, tickling her sides where she's more ticklish.

"Stop," she grabbed onto his elbows to stop him, catching onto her breath. He got his kiss. She smeared her lips on his the smile never fading. "We should get rid of your shirts and tank tops."

God he looked so deliciously handsome in his white tank!

"Why so? You don't like 'em?" He asked, his nose skimming against her cheek, making butterflies go haywire in his tummy.

"I do, but I prefer you without them." Taking advantage of their closeness to place another kiss on his mouth.

He chuckled softly, "well then let's go upstairs and fix it, would you like that?"

"I'd love that." She agreed, "but not now, I've got work." With that she slipped through his arms.

"You cheeky monkey!" He smacked her bum before she ran upstairs laughing. He'll have his way with her later!

......................................................................

"Put some more!" YN whined at Harry being skimpy at adding spices.

"No, it's gonna be too spicy!"

"You are literally so white, move!" She pushed him to a side.

"Hey!" He whined but he let her do her thing. At least she's trying to be involved.

Finally being done with cooking, they both sat down at the coffee table on the floor with their favourite show on the TV.

Harry doesn't like to make it too obvious to her, but he's always been keeping an close eye at her eating habits now. Not to be creepy. Not to be disrespectful. But he's doing it just to keep up with her progress. She was doing great last week, eating at least one full meal.

He saw her taking just two bites off her grilled cheese and a few full spoons of soup before she stopped.

"Baby?"

"Hmm?" She looked at him.

"How was your first session today?" He enquired.

"We talked." She started, "he said that it'll take a few sessions to see we get along and stuff. But so far I, I think he can help me."

"Yeah? I'm so happy for you, baby!" He smiled, pulling her in a brief embrace. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled, seemingly contained. "I can't eat anymore." She said putting back the spoon her bowl.

"You want me to make you something else?" He suggested, "it's okay, you can eat more later."

"No," she shook her head in disagreement, "I don't feel like it. I'm sorry, I know you came home early to cook and all. It just tastes bitter to me I don't know why. Sorry."

"Hey, stop apologising, babylove." He cooed, "it's okay. I promise."

"This is so bad." Her voice cracked, "I don't feel like eating sometimes and when I do, everything tastes, so, so bad. I don't know." A few tears make their way down her cheeks, "I feel like I'm being ungrateful for everything you're doing for me. I promise I'm not, I'm trying."

"I'm so proud of you for trying to get better, my love." He hugged her again, "it's alright. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now but I can tell you, I've never once felt you're being ungrateful, okay? It's okay, do you feel like eating right now?"

"Mhmm." She nodded.

"You want me to make you something else?"

"This is going to go to waste." She cried even more, feeling there are many people out there who are hungry and deserve to be fed and she's waste it all by simply not eating. It was a big internal turmoil she had been going through.

"It won't, I'll eat this for lunch tomorrow." He assured her, "you want me to make you Ramen?"

"What if I don't feel like eating that too?"

"Then that's fine, baby you don't have to cry. Please?" He requested, not knowing how to make her feel better. "Okay, let's go on a walk and see how you feel, what do you say?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." She agreed.

......................................................................

Another six months later. YN was doing better. She had to switch her therapist but she has been recovering well and good.

N O T E :

This was so difficult to write 🥺 but I tried. I am not sure how this one's gonna do.

I also apologise for the lame ending. I don't know how I should have ended it.

Tag list:

@vrittivsanghavi @buckymydarlingangel @sweetwritingfanficfriend @theroosterswife24 @sleutherclaw @melllinaa @michellekstyles @sunshinemoonsposts @marialikescherries @japanchrry Lemme know if you want to added to the tag list

[cb97swhore]

bored

pairing ; christopher bang x afab reader

< 3

summary ; you found his porn

< 3

disclaimer : this is not an interpretation of what the chosen member (s) are like in any way, this is a work of fiction therefore it is not real. i only write for people i am comfortable with, my comfort does go out to groups that are not on my masterlist such as : ateez, monstax and others, you just need to ask if you want me to write for someone specific. if you are under 18 read at your own risk this / these piece (s) contain adult themes. such as ( alcohol, sexual activity, and just alot of sexual stuff) lowercase wording intended.

< 3

warnings ; mutual masterbation, sub reader x dom chan, mentions of other members, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap), established relationship, nicknames (baby, channie, good girl), PRAISE, PRAISE, a little degrading, alot of dialogue

< 3

wc. 3

you had been sitting there for the past hour just watching chan and on your phone, waiting for him to finish up this single that him, hyunjin and minho wrote and is supposably dropping in two months.

usually on saturdays chan has atleast some of the day off but not today, after dance rehearsal had finished, he came here instead of going to eat with the boys and has been sat here recording and changing things.

you had came here to give him food because you know when he is in the studio whether that be the dance studio or the recording studio all day, he forgets to eat.

you rarely see chan recently but you do get your 'good night, baby' text between 10pm and 4 am depending if he has alot on his plate. if he ever sleeps then he usually falls asleep at the studio and if not there then he only gets to your shared apartment in early mornings and leaves way too early for you to catch him.

you did see him on the regular just on a device, he doesn't really have time to 'pop a visit' or call, he would text you every now and then but you would have to wait hours for a response, because of the tour and the new album drop you only see him on youtube videos and vlives.

that's the treasure of dating an idol.

you used the food as an excuse to see him but it was also true he does forget to eat, you can't blame him it's easy to forget when you have so much on your mind.

your phone had died a couple of minutes ago so you asked chan to go on his phone as yours charged, of course he said yes and gave it to you, you put in his password 'straykids8' and it was already open on his photos, curiousity took over you and you are now scrolling through his library of photos.

most of them selfies he never posts, you scroll through the tens of selfies smiling to yourself "you're so cute" you whisper, you click off of the main album and press on the one that says 'not so straight kids' It's an album filled with videos and photos of the boys being more than friendly with each other, you can't help but giggle and scroll for a little longer.

you come off of it to go onto a different album this one named "my love <3" the album containing photos and videos of you and Chan on dates or just doing overall wholesome things together.

you press off of the albums and scroll down a little bit, you realise he hasn't got a hidden folder, "channie?" he hums in response "wheres your hidden photos?" you ask "hidden from the guys thats where, why?" he questions you as he slightly tuns in his chair.

"can i unhide them for a bit?" you ask and you see a small smirk form on his lips " you already know whats on there but sure" you look at him confused you but dismiss his words, you go into settings and turn it on, you go back to the library and go onto the hidden folder that isn't very hidden thanks to you.

you see it's nudes, but not just anyones nudes they are yours and chans, you accidentally gasp as you see them and scoll up, videos of him fucking you."chris" you call him and he turns around in his chair to look at you, you rarely call him by his english name unless he is fucking you or he is in trouble.

you show him the phone screen, it playing a video of him fucking you from behind, "told you" he says with a smile "you have so many photos and videos of us chris" you start as you cross your legs and swipe to a different video.

"at least I can hide them" he says in defence "not very well" you tease as you see his ears flare up with a red tint, "the boys could find this" you say with a smile.

"let them, maybe they'll enjoy it as much as I do" he says with a slight smirk "enjoy them?" you question as you turn the phone back to you.

"we fuck alot" you say scrolling, "not recently though" you continue, he just hums "how do you enjoy the videos chan?" you ask even though you know "show me" you finish.

you want to control chan, make him cum just by command but then you also want him to use you like his own personal sex doll. "why should I?" he asks and you uncross your legs and stand up, pulling down your grey sweat pants, you kick them off and sit down with your legs open wide.

you're sat there in lacy black underwear and Chans shirt "fuck" he whispers under his breath and you are grateful for your confidence as you sit back and lift a leg up.

your (his) shirt uncovering every thing so he has a perfect view, chan sat there palming his shorts as his eyes trail down your body from you lips to your now wet panties.

you loved when chan touch himself, you didn't know why but it was a huge turn on, you loved it a whole lot more when you were the one touching him and making him moan your name.

"touch yourself" he demands and you listen.Your middle finger finding your clothed clit as you rub it in figures of eight, soft moans ascape you as you watch Chan push harder on his cock."chan" you moan his name in a whisper so he will look at you, him a little lost with the friction he is creating in his pants.

when he does look at you, you stop rubbing your clit and stand up hooking your fingers into your panties, you turn around and pull them down slowly, bending over as you do so, you hear him grunt and you stand up straight and kick the lace off of your body. 

you kick them into the pile of forming clothes and sit on the sofa, this time putting both of you legs up so he has a this time absolutely perfect view and so will anyone who walks in, lets just hope no one does.

chans hand is already in his pants, taking his cock out, precum covering the tip but he doesn't touch it until your fingers are on you again, spreading your folds so he can see "use you left hand" he says, and you do, you bring two fingers up to your mouth and suck them in, making them wet, you take them out and start rubbing your clit.

your right hand smearing your juices, chan rubs over the tip of his cock and the precum slides down his length, you start to tease yourself with two fingers not pushing them in until he says so, "please channie" you call out, looking at him so innocently.

"do it" is all he says as he starts jerking his cock "fuck chris" you moan as you let them go in, then back out and back in again, chan hisses in responce.

"fuck y/n" he moans as he teases the tip "curl them" another demand, you do and it feels amazing, your small digits still finding the gooy spot inside you, you throw your head back, the pleasure overwhelming, your fingers have never felt this good, on you clit and or in you.

"oh fuck" you moan, hearing the rhythmical slapping of skin pick up it's pace. "channie" his name is like heven in his ears when you moan it like that, "does it feel good baby?" he knows it does, but you would feel a lot better with him inside you.

he looks at you with remorse, "your fingers are tiny compared to mine" he says in one breath, you look up at him "imagine they y- yours" you whimper as you add a third finger and move them faster, your left hand still on your clit.

you feel a knot start to form in the bottom of your stomach as you hear chans harsh breaths "look at me" he says, you pick your head up, making eye contact with him "fuck, i wish this was your hands" he says as he glances down to his dick, you know, the one that could be pounding into you and not his fist.

you moan out as you see it, the way his big hand slides up to the tip to have his thumb press on it, just to slide down to the base.

everything about that man was perfect even his cock, the perfect length and the perfect amount of girth."or your warm cunt" you feel yourself clench around your fingers "so tight" you let out as you pull your fingers out to the tip, just to push them back in, he moans at that "and just for me" he speaks with a smile.

"just for you Channie" you manage to get out before another moan slips your lips and you feel yourself getting closer to the edge. "yeah? baby, uh fuck" he moans the last bit and it completely ruins you and the tight knot rips and you let yourself come undone onto your fingers "fuck" you moan as you climax.

you continue your motions with your fingers, riding out your high "fuck, chris" you practically yell as your juices spill onto the sofa, not the first time, Chan watching your glistening core as you take you fingers out.

"suck" is all he says and your digits are in your mouth "fuck" he moans and you can tell he is trying to prolong this as far as he can, you suck your fingers clean and take them out of your mouth.

without missing a beat he says "take your shirt off" and thats exactly what you do, your shirt laying with your sweat pants, you don't have a bra on because you find them incredibly uncomfortable, "come here" he says and as you get closer to him his left hand goes to your back, pulling you in between his thighs and his lips instantly latch onto your left nipple.

you gasp at the sudden contact as he rolls the bud between his teeth, you can still hear his hand sliding up and down his cock, you moan out as he takes your hand a wraps it around his length and you instantly start to jerk it.

your fingers wraping perfectly around it, he pulls away from your boob and peppers kisses to the other side, you feel his hot breath "fuck y/n, just like that uh" he moans then starts bitting at the skin of your right boob.

you continue your hand movements until you feel him twitch in your palm, as you get to the base you squeeze it lightly and he lets out a shaky moan."get on your knees and open your mouth" he demands as he pulls away, you take your hand away from his throbbing dick and lower yourself onto your knees, using his thighs for support.

you finally get on your knees and chans left hand cups your face, his thumb running over you lips, "look so innocent, open" you open your mouth, his thumb going in and holding it open as you stick your tongue out, waiting for his cum.

he pums his cock a few times "uh fuck" he moans loudly as white ribbons of cum land on your face and chest some of it landing on your tongue.you close your mouth, swallowing the cum, you wipe some of the cum off of your right boob.

making eye contact with him you put your fingers in your mouth, your lips closing over them and a soft moan you let leave your throat as you taste him.

"fuck y/n" he moans at the sight of you as he fuck his fist, coming down from his high.

his hand stops, he takes it off of his dick, "sit on the sofa" he breaths as he reaches for the box of tissues on his desk, you get up from your position on the floor, you legs shaky from you previous orgasm.

he stands up from his seat, his pants falling to the floor, he kicks them off and his attention is back on you, he wipes his cum off your chest and face, placing the tissue on his desk.

"now I'm going to fuck you and you're going to take it like a good girl, okay" he looks down at you and all you can say is "please, I need it" and with that "all fours" he commands and you obey.

you turn around, your knees on the sofa your hand over the back, "so fucking perfect" he says as he teases your folds with the tip "such a tease" you say to him as you push your hips back to feel him.

"tease?" he questions as he rams it in fully and you let out a loud moan at the pleasant surprise, he bottoms out "fuck, so tight" you clench around him and you both moan out.

"big" is all you could get out as he starts shallowly thrusting into you "uhu, big?" he lets out a shaky moan telling you he is enjoying himself "whats big?" he asks you, knowing the answer.

"you channie, uh" you moan as he reaches your gooy spot, he hum s at you as he quickens his pase, his pelvis slamming into your ass, the noises of skin slaping, your wet cunt and both of your moans, yours the loudest thing in the room.

"you fill me up so good" you praise him and he swears he could just cum right there, but no you have to finish first.

he leans into you as his hand finds your clit "Fuck, fuck, fuck" you scream with each thrust and each circle he presses onto the swollen bud.

you grip the back of the sofa for dear life as you feel your second orgasm coming. "fuck chr-" you get half way done moaning his name as he stuffs his fingers in your mouth, you gag on the digits as he brings you up right, your back flush with his front.

"look how fucking-good you are" he thrusts inside mid sentence "letting me use this tight hole" he clarifys and your walls clench around him as you moan around his fingers, "hugging me so fucking tight" he moans as he moves his hips harder, the tip rubbing so deliciously against your g spot, you scream out, his fingers restricting your voice and he knows to do that again.

so he does "shh baby, we don't want anyone to hear" the words make your walls contract "uh fuck, you do" he moans the first bit and slowly drags out of you, just to slam back into you.

a strained moan erupting from your throat, "fuckin slut, such a pretty hole" the name mixed with the praise was all you needed to let go you curl your toes and your hand finds placement on chans hair, gripping it tightly as you cum around him.You feel Chan dick throbbing as he bucks his hips into you helping you ride out your orgasm and your new found kink "did you just? uh fuck, y/n" he moans loudly as he feels his orgasm coming, he takes his fingers out of your mouth and away from your clit, his hand are on your waist as he fucks you hard.

"Uh fuck chris" you practically yell, the over stimulation sending you into overdrive , chan is grunting and moaning as he chases his orgasm "so wet" his voice is an octive higher  as you feel warm liquid inside you and he continues his relentless pace.

after a few more thrusts he pulls out and steps back, watching both your and his cum mix and drip down your thighs. you feel a tissue press to your thigh as he cleans you up "thank you" you say as he finishes up and you sit on the sofa.

stretching as you pick up yours (his) shirt and put it on, chan already fully dressed "that was so good" he praises as he sits next to you "i needed that so bad" he says and you understand, he is always sceptical if he is doing what ever it is doing wrong but with you he knows he does it right, cause you're always satisfied and if it was really good you kinda just pass out after you cum.

"so sleepy" you say as you lay yourself down, chan decides to lay on you, hugging you tight around your waist and flipping the two of you over so you are ontop "all fucked out baby?" he says and you let out a pleased moan cause you don't want to talk.

your legs lay on each side of him on the sofa as you hug him and start to fall asleep.

-

you don't know how long its been but you get woken up by the door opening and a voice "chan its tim-"its hyunjins voice and he stops mid sentence as he sees you "jeonjin, its y/n" he calls the youger boy and you hear foot steps and jeonjins voice "what about he- wow" he also stops himself but he has a reaction and its sounds like a good.

"your fantasys are not as good as the real thing" hyunjin says "we shouldn't be seeing this" jeonjin the respectible (kinda) one of the two says and you lift your head and look back at them hyunjin just standing there still holding the door and jeonjin standing behind him "its okay" you say.

The more 'innocent' ones eyes widen at your words "youre still pervs though" you say and put your head back on chans chest, "just shut the door I dont care if you leave or not" you feel yourself start to drift off until you hear chans voice "just keep it quite, we are trying to sleep" you smile at that and close your eyes. 

-

A.N ; this is my work, if you have seen it before thats because i have changed accounts.

please show love, like, follow and repost please and thank you

Remember, i love you all and i hope you're doing okay :)

[katyspersonal]

*voice of a guy who fails to be on hiatus even if he needs one* Hey, actually recently a topic of difficulty in Soulsborne games came up for me o: And I even had the pleasure of disagreeing with a person who was mature about their point of view! I just thought I'd make my own post, and for starters I want to link a video that lines up with my opinion on the matter very well too!

Despite what it might look like, I do not dwell on this guy's channel, but exclusively see his videos on Fromsoft's games x)

But personally, I agree with the notion that character's difficulty IS part of their lore too! That epiphany mostly came when I took over 70 attempts to defeat Malenia, who, I remind, "has never known defeat", so her being so hard at her lowest as she is falling apart was... very telling. There is a difference between just hearing the person is strong and feeling it yourself when they beat your ass, and I think this experience is a good thing to have!

There is also a selfish and possibly petty reason I have that is better described as "gatekeeping the normies". From my experience, most people who are upset at how hard these games are not genuinely invested fans that just don't vibe with having to die 600 times to learn more interesting lore but casual people who want to, as they call it, "consume currently popular media" to be able to create "relevant content" 🤦‍♂️ Wanting to be in the loop is just not what genuine investment and caring is about.

Miyazaki stated they were not adding difficulty levels because they wanted to present the challenge everyone would overcome in the style that fit them individually as a player! It feels like he is an indie dev without being an indie dev for me; caring not about attracting more players, but about giving experience he WANTS to give! Personally, it is exactly what I want from any creator - to be unapologetically themselves rather than trying to be convenient for more people! Some games are just not for everyone, and it is okay! Thing for everyone is a thing for no one, in the long run. Heck, I am so horrible at playing From's games that even my friends would laugh at me if they saw me streaming :/ What fits me as a player is to show resolve grinding stats (I listen to podcasts meanwhile xD), or coming up with absolutely insane strategies no normal person would come up with fshfhsd

At the same time, there is a large community of gamer dudes who not only defends absence of easy mode in these games more than I do, but also insist on creating artificial difficulty and will mock a fellow gamer for like using Mimic Tear or Comet Azur ffs. I do not go there, but people who built their self-worth on overcoming this challenge and thus feel personally attacked if someone plays the game with "imbalanced" weapons/builds, or, heck, creates and uses photo and deaggro mods. You can probably see from my posts that for me this sort of people is nearly like just a scary legend, when for others it is the reality they delve into and that ruins THEIR fandom experience.. so I suppose I don't miss much not touching Reddit and Youtube in 99% of the time 🤦‍♂️ But I think that gamer bros would ALWAYS find a way to be toxic. Had Fromsoft's games HAD an easy mode, they'd still play them and find another stupid way to gatekeep, difficulty is just currently available tool for it! As usual I think the problem is not on the developer, but on the community that twists what this developer did into something awful

I guess my stance basically goes 'creators should not change their philosophy because that's what creating should be, but the community that thrives on artificial difficulty and "correct" ways to play is bad and should be discouraged from this behaviour'