#this part can stay tho –>
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Intensive historical writing follows “a crisis in national affairs” that alienates a people from its past (...) If invasion of the domus produces a disorder that requires one kind of cultural work, extraterritorial invasion—the invasion of foreign lands—requires another: especially when that foreign invasion also renders the invaders foreign to themselves, and denatured, by their own unrecognizable and self-transformative performance. (...) It is commonplace, of course, to find cultural enemies depicted as giants—or cannibals—in the literatures of many nations and eras, especially in narratives of territorial invasion, conquest, and settlement. It takes a crisis of subtle alienation, however, to produce oneself as a giant of monstrous proportions, requiring the intervention of a cultural savior [king Arthur] plucked from the distant past (an older, intact representative of cultural identity) to rescue the contemporary past, and, with giant heroism defeating gigantic horror, restore proportionate dimensions, and thus secure the possession of a right-sized future.
Geraldine Heng, Empire of Magic: medieval romance and the politics of cultural fantasy
#scratch the prev tags on this post i remembered that the goal was not coming to terms with crusaders comitting atrocities but#with crusaders treating muslim bodies as more than filth (nourishment) lol#this part can stay tho –>#now i'm wondering if ww1 would've been as big a shock if the victorian/enlightenment eras hadn't been moving towards like.#humanism? cleanliness? civilizedness? IN THEORY#like idk i doubt a medieval person would've been that shocked by the facial/bodily disfiguration. maybe by the big booms#mari reads#geraldine heng
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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So insane reading about Kev's skills from the perspective of someone who'd played with him before his hand was broken. Like yes Neil was obsessed with him and yes he knew he played differently with his right than his left—but reading it from JEAN'S perspective?? Life changing stuff. When he said the Ravens' defense forgot what Kev was like before he switched hands? I lost my mind.
#he made fools of the defensive line#FOOLS#that whole game was insane from Jean's perspective#one of my fav parts of tsc#he was seriously gagged#and so was i#even tho i knew what was going to happen#tsc#the sunshine court#all for the game#aftg#aftg tsc#jean moreau#kevin day#neil josten#kevin is so fucking good at exy and i think sometimes i don't appreciate that enough#also neil staying on riko the whole time was crazy#like jean being like “that's a terrible idea why would they do that”#and then realizing just how fucking fast neil is#it changed my brain chemistry#can you tell i like outsider povs?
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What kind of spirit do you think Felassan waz?
Swag
#ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#<- this is my spoiler tag#dragon age: dreadwolf#dragon age 4#the dread wolf rises#da4#dragon age#bioware#video games#mjs mailbag#robotslenderman#felassan#Best Elf#no but on a serious note its a great question and one which ive been thinkin about a lot#did Felassan manifest from the Fade or was he born in the early days still but of others who had manifested before him?#and if he did manifest from the Fade what kind of spirit was he. lets say for fun for this post that#he was a spirit. I feel like there's quite a few different things that could work in that scenario#he has wit in terms of smarts & snark & whimsy. he was part of a movement that opposed tyranny and valued freedom. back then he wanted#to protect innocents. he's charismatic and good w/ people. he was a loyal friend to solas and later on was loyal to briala. he's calm and#level-headed. steady. a slow arrow makes its way to its target/goal slowly but steadily and you dont see it coming#Wit.. Loyalty.. Friendship.. Freedom.. Steadfastness.. Charm.. Protection.. Resolve.. Duty#my personal hc atm tho is- if he was- Guidance ◕‿◕. “'I kindled nothing' Felassan said. [...] 'I merely offered guidance.'"#he spent the rebellion guiding an army as a General and giving Solas guidance on how to be a good leader interact w/ people be the face#of a rebellion and to stay on the right path as one of his advisors. later he was Briala's hahren/elder giving her guidance through TME#he signs codexes like ask for the slow arrow and i will help/guide you. he was looking after those of flesh and fade in the lighthouse#guidance can be given from both a second-in-command (subordinate) role and from a superior (elder to mentee) role#when we see him in a memory Solas welcomes the spirits in elven then says “lasa ghilan” which means grant/give guidance#and the very next thing that happens is that Felassan speaks. an Arrow gives direction. it POINTS THE WAY..
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crawling out of the shadows with this as an offering
#sad•leonart#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rottmnt leonardo#rise leonardo#and for anyone that cares and reads tags#sorry#still depressed and burnt out and i wish i wouldnt be#wish the little hype this fic got actually got to me but i just look at all my writer friends who have their own fics and their own hype#and their own groups that im not a part of and get sad#thats my own fault tho#this account is dying and actually has probalby been dead since tsob ended#dont know if ill post anything new on it#just updates to this and even then i have about one more chapters worth of words in the document and dont have the energy to try anymore#im going back to my lonely little corner to burn out some more until i either delete everything or can stay logged out#but im nosy#so#one of those options is a lot more likely than the other#k!leo au#i think thats the tag#not that it fucking matters
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"I spent so many nights in that shitty prison. On the freezing floor, hungry, bloody, counting the hours. The only thing... The only thing that kept me going was the thought of getting back to you."
#arcane#arcaneedit#vi#vi arcane#arcane vi#arcane league of legends#league of legends#netflixedit#showedit#media: arcane#type: gif#s1 ep8#well this was an ASS to color#it ended up looking fine i guess lol#can we look at this scene bc god the composition is beautiful like#vi STILL cant decide whether shes still going to join powder or stay with cait here#THE LAST PART SHE LOOKS SO FRUSTRATED BC SILCO JUST TOOK JINX AND LEFT WITH HER EVEN THO SHE REALLY WANTED TO FIND JINX UGH#but ultimately she chooses to stay with cait in s1 i guess#well to be fair she didnt have a choice skdfjsfsfsf#im so curious on how shes gonna be a cop bc the show did say this will be how she becomes into an enforcer#ANYWAYS LOOK AT HER MY TINY SKRUNKLY MY BLORBO ILY#VI U DONT DESERVE ANY OF THIS
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i think fandom spaces would become much more enjoyable across the board if people stopped flipping their pancakes over other fans enjoying characters that they don't like. or, god forbid, like them but in 'the wrong way.'
#salty peak sect 🧂#jin guangyao#jgy haters you do realize that you are as integral a part of this wheel of dead horse reincarnation as jgy stans are. right?#you realize that our liking jgy and believing he did good things does not in any way detract from your ability to enjoy wei wuxian#as your specialist good boy. right?#you realize you could just scroll past takes about people enjoying jgy without deciding to drop your own pass-agg vaguepost#questioning our morality in the tags. right?#you get that it's weird to act like we're the weird ones for responding to provocation. you have to get that that is a weird way to think.#consider instead: staying in your lane!! minding your business!!!#you can in fact just leave us alone! you can do that! the power is yours!!#nb: this is not directed at the people who have genuine questions/commentary about jgy that are critical in nature. that's fine.#please recognize i am not talking about you!#i scroll past so many of your posts even tho i disagree with them#because your stuff is not the stuff that is making me benafflecksmoking.jpeg#maybe sometimes i'll comment if i think i have something useful to add#and if i think OP is not going to be a dick#most of the time i frankly would rather get high and read xiyao fanfic#that is usually why i am in the tags: to read fic and look at cute fanart#i am not visiting the tags because i want to pick a fight! truly i'm not!#however. if you start one. i will probably finish it. 😌 hth
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"Hey, can I copy your homework?"
"Yeah sure, just change it up a bit so the teacher doesn't notice."
#trc#op#tsubasa reservoir chronicle#one piece#zosan#kurofai#'whoops it's gay now'#listen the amount of parallels between the two duos is absolutely insane#the only and i mean the only difference is that fai doesn't swear#and i guess who loses which body part#they both even get 'if you wanna die you gotta stay alive so i can kill you myself' scenes#kurogane#fai d flourite#sanji#roronoa zoro#apologies for the grainy ass screenshots tho#zoro and kurogane even share the same english VA i am losing my fucking mind here people
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desperately want a jackieshauna type friendship
#preferably without the cannibalism and death#the toxic codependency can stay tho#and the gay part#and the cheating even#yellowjackets#yj#shauna shipman#jackie taylor#jackieshauna
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Long Night
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#my art#lu warriors#lu sky#realized I never drew sky and wars together (my two favs) and I had to fix that ASAP#this is another experimental thang I like some parts while disliking other parts >:(( Conflected#lil story was that they’re staying in a cave for the night and Sky had a nightmare so Wars being the good brother he is comforted Sky#Warriors has freakishly good eyesight and that’s how he’s reading his book even tho there’s limited light#turns his pages very very slowly and clumsily but he doesn’t want to wake Sky back up#2/3 big brother trio#… next time I need to add Twi so I can have 3/3 lol
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Goku definitely wanted to train Gohan for fun, just like Grandpa Gohan did with him, but then he wanted to respect Chichi's desire of him not becoming a fighter. He also spent 4 years of Gohan's life together and living peacefully.
But then he died, and when he came back, he found that Gohan was turned into a fighter by Piccolo, fair, I guess. He didn't see him fight, tho, he doesn't know the story behind him becoming a fighter, just that he was trained by Piccolo.
Then Gohan wants to go to Namek to find the dragon balls because he has to make sure their dead friends come back, and Goku goes wow that sounds like me, he also can't stand to stay on the side when it comes to these things.
Weeks pass, and now he's finally able to reach them on Namek. They have to fight, of course. Things happen. He's the only chance they have to defeat Freezer. Things fall apart now, Goku becomes Super Saiyan and tells Gohan to take Piccolo and get away. Goku is stuck alone on Namek. He saves himself by pure luck. He decides to stay where he is, to learn something new, to be able to also control his Super Saiyan state.
A year passes, and he comes back to earth. News from the future, saying that in 3 years, there's gonna be a new threat. They have to train, Gohan wants to train with him and Piccolo to fight this new threat. The three years have passed, and now there's another threat outside of the androids. Goku finally healed, he gets Gohan and tells him they're gonna train to defeat Cell. Gohan accepts to train with him. Gohan puts his all into that training, and Goku finds out Gohan has so many capabilities than what he shows. That's good! They have a chance at defeating Cell, maybe.
They finish their training, Goku wants Gohan to spend as much time with Chichi, and he wants to spend the remaining days before the Cell games as a family, you never know. The Cell games start, and Goku goes first to study him, to see how strong he is and if Gohan might have a chance. Oh, Gohan definitely has a chance. Come on, Gohan, now is your turn, I can tell you know you're stronger. Gohan is having difficulties, tho, Goku says it's just a matter of time before his fighting instict and anger sets in. But Gohan doesn't like fighting. That knowledge comes to Goku as a shock. He always assumed Gohan was fighting for the safety of the earth and for the love of fighting as well. At the end of the day, how could he think different, he never truly saw Gohan fighting, and at the end of the day, he was just picking up what Piccolo started in the first place. He never truly showed a disliking for fighting, or at least he never told him. He didn't know how in his first fighting against the Saiyans, he was petrified by fear. He wasn't there for the love of fighting, but because he had to, since he had this power.
Goku realises he miscalculated this. He immediately tells Krillin to pass him a bean so that he can get back into shape to go help him. Of course, Cell stops him before that. After Cell started to attack the others, finally Gohan snapped and unleashed his power, Goku was right after all. Gohan was definitely more powerful than him. He was the right warrior to defeat him. Gohan needs to defeat him once and for all, tho, but he doesn't. He says he has to have a slow and painful death. Those are some shocking words coming from Gohan. It doesn't sound like him. Well, now that has brought some problem, Cell is now about to explode and take all the earth with him. Now Goku has to make a decision. He will sacrifice himself. At the end of the day, he was the one to put Gohan in that position in the first place. It's only fair for him to do that. But, his sacrifice is useless, Cell comes back. Gohan tries his hardest, but his arm is broken. How can he defeat him now. But Goku is there to help him find the strenght and the others too. In the end, Gohan finds the strength to finally beat him.
It's time to revive people. There's still the problem of Goku not being able to be resurrected a second time. They think hey maybe we can use the dragon balls from Namek. But Goku stops them. He thinks that Bulma was right. He only attracts threats that put the earth in jeopardy, Piccolo, the Saiyans, the androids, and Cell. Maybe if he stays dead, they will stop coming. Like that, he will not put Gohan in danger anymore, Gohan will not have to fight anymore. So at the end of the day, it's better for him to stay away, rather than him staying with them, after all he was the one to put Gohan in that situation in the first place. In the end, he makes the selfless choice for Gohan. Maybe it's better for him not to have a father, but being safe, than having a father and being put into danger. At least, that's what he thinks is the right thing to do
#i don't know what this is but the goku decides to stay dead because he feels guilty compels me so much and at the end of the day#it doesn't make him a bad dad like many people think i think people also focus too much on the part where he said well like this i can meet#more powerful opponents when i think he was saying that also to not make them feel too bad#i'm of the opinion that he did it ultimately because he felt guilty for the gohan vs cell even tho it isn't entirely his fault#is he really to be blamed fully for not having notice gohan didn't like fighting when gohan never said anything and for a reason or another#he couldn't stay that much with gohan and the only time he stayed with him it was to train him#anyway i love the nuances about goku as a father truly shows him not to be as black and white as too many people think#also i probably changed verb conjugation so many times so pardon but like when i start making long posts i kinda lose track of what i said#previously so it's kinda of a mish mash of very mixed thoughts#dragon ball z#son goku#son gohan#dbz posting
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Willow: Volume One
#willow 2022#willow#willow disney+#i think i need a gif tag#i love these sequences so much#but my goodness i cannot believe we were robbed (Robbed! i say!) of getting jade in one#like there's so many buildings#the crone gets one???#not even elora or willow got one#well i guess that's what volumes two and three are for :))))#i am staying optimistic that the end-credits shot means yes we are getting at least a full three volumes#like that would be exceptionally mean to keep that shot in there if it wasn't already in the bag#also like a quick think on it and i can see potential arcs for volume two and three#which would make sense as a cohesive three-part#and we know how lucasfilms loves their trilogies :)))))))))))#oh i almost forgot#willow spoilers#even tho not really but still
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deciding to headcanon that the lighthouse makes people feel Calm and Docile and Relaxed to excuse the fact that more of the companions aren't as mad as lucanis that ANY of this is happening
#I CAN FEEL THE HATERISM IN MY BONES STARTING TO STIR LIKE LYRIUM#for the record. i think the game is fun. and i think it's the most gorgeous game ever made#bar none.#but like................................................................... . . .... ....#ALMOST ALL OF THE WARDENS ARE DEAD. ALMOST ALL OF THEM.#AND ALSO DID IT EVEN MATTER BECAUSE THE BLIGHT WAS JUST#THE GODS FUCKING AROUND AGAIN#i'll be real the least interesting thing abt dragon age has always been the magic to me#i like MAGES. but i think the sociopolitical landscape of thedas + the worldbuilding outside of magic#is the most interesting part for me#i think my biggest problem is that it feels like a dragon age game writing wise#like w companions and quests and banter#but it doesn't feel like the dragon age world#idk. i'm having fun but yeah i think a lot of the general criticisms are weighing on me which#i did not think would happen (tho i've also been in a months long depressive spiral and genuinely have not#enjoyed basically anything and nothing feels real and everything feels like a bad dream so like whatever)#the biggest thing abt dragon age for me has always been like#it has been such a creative inspiration for me in so many avenues and in so many different eras of my life#i've been writing DA fic since i was 17. i started getting mutuals around 18.#that's 6 years!!!!! i've been writing fic!!!#i play like 3 hours of origins or inquisition and wanna go write a bunch of fics#but all my fic ideas so far are about like. Well what if the game never happened and my OCs#met their ROs somewhere else in some way else#which to me ISN'T a good sign.#part of da's staying power to me is how much it inspires me. i don't feel inspired right now#i'm struggling to keep up in some ways with veilguard and also feel like it's struggling to catch up#to itself and the weight of it's own choices#anyway. starting to feel disappointed but like i said months long depression#so i'm repressing it like crazy and might never actually feel or breach that emotion#in any depth. but whatever.
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compilation of my other fav palette challenges from the years past... i should do them again sometime......
chara #9 belongs to @askbookwormflareon
#granted theres a glaring issue in one of them#i am not pointing it out lest you end up noticing it when you wouldnt normally~#my art#art q#digital painting#oc#mew#pokemon#purrloin#also i put in my request for availability change#apparently they can reject it...#i just cited second job as reason as to why i need mondays off now#my manager is gonna be super pissed tho cuz they always get mad at everyone who changes their availability#but like i mentally cant keep up with the randomised schedule#esp when i could find out the day before my day off that its my only day i can do comms#i dont have enough time to work my schedule for that w chores and having to go buy food or cat food etc etc#it will come into effect start of next month if they accept it#if they dont then ill just keep resubmitting until they write me upfor it lol idk#i was even nice and specifically asked other higher up staff what the best day to ask off was so it didnt hurt them too bad#but i ranted in stream the other day how like im not responsible for if the store gets fucked just cuz i took one day off my schedule yanno#its not my job to keep that from happening#also im part time and if i was full time id still have 2 guaranteed days off so like ??? idk#scared abt getting the cold shoulder and whatnot the next few weeks from the manager tho#also i stayed up till 4am by accident#and got up at 8am anyways#wish my ass luck
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cozy color..
#transformers#starscream#knock out#knockscream#koss#kept freaking out n stimming over this while drawing it#i am SO HAPPY with how it turned out!!!!!#even tho the coloring process was a NIGHTMARE#just. hmngh. peace after war. star prolly escapes jail and hunkers down as far from civilization as he can#there is nothing left for him to fight for—the world he knew is long gone#maybe ko finds him while on a drive through the more rural parts of cybertron#he’s thinking the same thing#not sure what happens from there—maybe ko brings him back and they start a new life together#maybe ko stays with him in the ‘country’#either way. love and grief. you know the drill#you can’t go home again and all#that’s way sadder than i was thinking it would be#but its hopeful dw i like happy endings
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Actually I can't stop thinking about Tim gaining a bit of weight during her time as Persephone and it's killing me now
#she's been an immortal for so long she has no idea how she looked before the lunar war#she was 3-4 years younger and matured during that time despite the starvation#and she probably got a buzzcut when she was drafted but nobody kept up with hair regulations bc they couldn't see each other enough#for them to be enforced#After she first got mechanized the eyes were just one of the many parts of ger body she didn't recognize#and it competed in importance with the weight loss and aging and new scars and more#But when she sees herself at a healthy weight as Persephone bc she hasn't had a complete death in so long that she's managed to hold weight#she just cries because she thinks this is how she must have once looked#though her memory fails to give her any confirmation. she can only guess#she sees in the mirror a person who didn't feast on the corpses she could find#and she can pretend she actually Is Persephone- not Tim#that she's lived a happy olympian life and has never died and that she doesn't occasionally unwillingly salivate over brains in the acheron#and the worst part is she Knows this is temporary#her fantasy and joy is limited#limited until the day she doesn't throw a grenade far enough again or the day she annoys Ashes enough to set her on fire#she can't stay this way for the eternity she is so damned to#and once she does experience a full body reset it's an uphill climb to regain that weight again- if she manages to not die in that time#it's the inevitability of it all that really gets me#and also Ashes obviously thinks Tim looking healthier- well taken care of- is hot as fuck. tho they think Tim always looks hot as fuck#but they don't understand why she freezes when they run a hand along her chest now- unable to even feel her ribs unless they press down#or why she starts making flimsy excuses to leave whenever they offer to take her out on their arson runs
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