#this one was odd i dunno of i understood it completely

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko - In defense of Ai's "lies"

Warning: Manga spoilers below.

This post is a reaction to people occasionally saying, "Maybe Ai was the real villain all along" or "But Ai lies" as evidence of her character being sucky. And just... come on. I know, dear reader, that you understand how silly that is but I'm gonna spell it out anyway.

I always want to say in response: "Who did Ai hurt with her lies?" There is one character you may be thinking of and I'll get to that, but the person she hurt the most was herself. Because she told herself nonsense about how she was an irresponsible, dirty liar.

This breaks my fragile heart because this, right here, is the lie. Her negative self-talk stemming from a childhood filled with abuse and loneliness framed her issues with understanding love as if it were her fault and not, I dunno, the woman who fed her glass (see 45510) and abandoned her.

What were Ai's lies? Should they even be classified as such? Let's break it down:

She hid her kids. I would hardly call this a lie so much as a totally normal boundary for a celebrity with a public and private life. It only mattered because of the absurd standards for idols. It was more of a lie by omission anyway, but if someone asked her point blank if she had kids (maybe after one too many times nearly mentioning her kids lol) it would be perfectly acceptable to say no.

She put on a happy face at all times, hiding her emotions. This primarily hurt herself because it increased her social isolation and caused the girls in B Komachi to view her as untouchable and inhuman. Nino wouldn't have been so hurt by their fight if Ai better knew how to express herself, or maybe even if she had shown that she cared by yelling back, but that's a lot to expect from someone with Ai's background and lack of experience with relationships.

There's also Ai's neurodivergence. I don't want to speculate too much about that as I am not hugely familiar with the topic besides what I've learned by googling, but it can cause difficulty with social situations and expressing emotions. Sounds pretty familiar.

We are told in ch 137: "She could neither love nor trust people. She was timid and sensitive. She got hurt after being at odds with her friends. She really was an ordinary girl you could find anywhere. That's why she lied. A big lie that concealed her weak self completely."

Another description for this is a defense mechanism. Ai was not raised in an environment where vulnerability was met with reassurances. Moreover, as an idol it was hammered into her that she needed to hide anything about herself that could be deemed as negative or ugly. Anything that made her human. Ichigo told her at age 12 to lie until she understood love. She was set up from the get go to consider herself nothing but a liar.

She lied to Hikaru when she said, "I can't love you." This is actually not a big lie so much as the most negative take on her emotions. She wasn't sure she could love him but she wanted to. The real untruth is the way she flippantly strolled out the door as if she didn't care about him. But that doesn't make her a villain and her reasons are obvious given everything told to us about her in ch 137 and her avoidant tendencies she used as a shield to protect herself. She handled the breakup with all the grace of an elephant wearing ice skates but I'm not about to blame her for it.

She lied about love. I saved the big one for last. The thing her characterization hinges on. But it was hardly a lie at all. Not only because she actually did love her kids or that she was trying so hard to love which was its own form of love ("lies are love"), but because the idea of having to love her fans in a personal manner that goes beyond appreciation is actually ridiculous.

Nobody expects an office worker to love their clients or someone working at Starbucks to love their customers. But as an idol she was marketed as a perfect, pure girl, someone men could project their fantasies onto and who was supposed to genuinely love each and every one of them in return. It's nonsense. Ai was certainly not the only idol failing to live up to this. She just took it incredibly hard because she felt her lack of understanding of love was a personal failing.

We are told that Ai was a liar but she was honest as often as she hid the truth. She asked Gotanda to film the real her after he called her out about putting on an act. She was candid in the fan Q&A in 45110. In Viewpoint B she wrote a song that expressed her genuine feelings. She adored her kids so much that she slipped up and nearly talked about them on camera. Ai wanted to share how they had impacted her life but couldn't except through veiled statements. She was completely honest with Ryosuke, treating the moment as if she was in a confessional detailing her sins.

None of this is to say Ai was perfect. We're bonked over the head with the fact that Ai was a regular person who could get angry, who was too timid to push herself to connect with her fellow members of B Komachi, who undoubtedly did and said things that did not reflect her best self just as we all do. But I don't think liar is her defining trait. It's probably not even in her top five. I would describe her as sensitive, loving, mischievous, playful, and intelligent (she could be airheaded but she was incredibly savvy about her image) before I'd call her a liar.

There is no Real Villain Ai. And I can't tell you how glad I am that the theory some people held about her forcing sex on Hikaru was thoroughly debunked. Right up there with people speculating that Crow Girl is actually reincarnated Ai. That just made me laugh. The last thing reincarnated Ai would do is jerk her kids around.

We're told Ai was a liar because that's how she viewed herself. It's not an objective fact or at least not a fact that trumps everything else about her. So the next time someone says "Ai was a liar" my response would be "OK. So what?"

[shinesurge]

I'm feeling so normal about Phineas expressing vulnerable feelings that used to get her mistreated and hated and exiled until she crammed them all into the Vault because talking about it never worked and now that she has to explain/express herself her new crew completely accepts both her and her feelings and supports her aaaaaaaaaaa

more personally I really vibe with "no one understood what I meant so it's easier to just not talk about it", god, that hit right in the heart. when it's not worth kicking up a fuss about my pronouns because ive done it five times already and i still have to live here so just pretend it doesn't matter. oof. not just anger but disinterest and disregard leave scars too

Hey I really appreciate this, I'm so touched that this whole sequence seems to have meant something to so many misfits (positive). One of the biggest motivators for making KC is that I have a really hard time finding relatable media myself, even when something is supposedly aimed at "people who never quite fit in" or "The Weird Kids" it's very rare that it ever REALLY feels like it's meant for me. It's too soft or too palatable or meant for people whose Sense of Otherness is like. God, I dunno. Easy to ignore? Whatever it is it doesn't resonate with me, and in fact makes shit worse because all it does is reinforce that I'm not even operating on the same scale as everyone else wrt what is considered Odd lmao. I think the answer to this is to write about the stuff that makes those types of writers flinch, and try very hard not to flinch from it myself when the instinct hits me. That does mean my work isn't for everyone, but I think the people who want gentler stuff already have plenty to pick from tbh

So, like, I'm really glad that so much of this chapter prompted so many people to go "oh thank GOD somebody else is saying this shit." This is exactly why I'm here, thanks very much for writing in to say that it's reaching the right people and working as intended haha

[gorogues]

Fictober 2023

Prompt number #4 Fanfiction Fandom: Flash Rogues Rating: G – General audiences Warnings: None Notes: Science doesn't work that way, shhh.

Day Four: “Do you even know what this means?”

Roscoe had been hard at work in his lab when Axel flounced in -- which was odd, as he was certain he’d double-locked the door.  Either way, he ignored the youth who was literally dancing around his worktable as he soldered.

“Dude, it’s time to get up and do stuff, you can’t sit here all day,” the kid said after ten lonely minutes.

“Watch me,” Roscoe replied without looking up.

“Come on, I want you to show me some cool tops or whatever it is you do all day.  Mark told me you made a machine gun top once, which is way more interesting than one that spits glue.  I wanna see it shoot something!”

Finally Roscoe got up, heading out of the room to look for any other member of the Rogues to babysit the toddler; he found nobody.  The entire building was oddly deserted, seemingly leaving him as the only adult around.  Strange.

Somebody will pay for this, he brooded to himself, and resumed his work with a distinct scowl on his face.  Axel, of course, was still around and in search of entertainment.

“C’mon man, just show me your coolest stuff and I promise I’ll be quiet for a while.  Just one of the absolute coolest weapons!”

“Have you thought about playing in traffic?  I hear that’s pretty cool,” Roscoe snapped, but Axel just smiled and pulled out a strange blob from his satchel, which he held in his palm.  It glowed a bit and hummed, and even changed colours as the two of them watched.

Curiosity finally got the better of the older Rogue, against his more reasoned judgment.  “What is that?”

“Dunno!  I got it from Alchemy’s lab.  It was labelled 'methyl-glyceryl trinitrate'.  Looks neat, huh?”

Roscoe went pale.  Chemistry wasn’t his field of expertise, but he understood explosives very well.  “Do you know what that is?  And do you know what this means?”

“Gonna guess by the look on your face that it’s bad,” Axel replied, though he didn’t seem overly concerned.

“Levelling the entire city block is frequently bad, yes, unless you’re observing from a safe distance.  We are not, and based on the increasingly rapid colour changes it’s probably extremely unstable.  I cannot say it was nice knowing you.”

“Same, same.  You’re weird and mean and you remind me of my dad, but at least we’ll go out with a blast!”

“Your…dad..?!” Roscoe exclaimed with bewilderment, but he didn’t have time to finish the thought.  Alchemy’s blob suddenly enlarged itself and shone with a blinding light and—

--and it soon ended.  The blob abruptly went inert, turning a sickly pale colour and remained that way as they stared at it.

“That’s it?!” Axel demanded incredulously.  “What a complete rip-off!  I wanted a huge explosion!”

“I…suppose Al’s experiment was a failure,” Roscoe concluded, relieved but at a loss to explain what had just happened.  “I will have to let him know, for his notes.”  And perhaps kick his ass for leaving explosives for the toddler to find.

“I’m gonna go find something else to do,” Axel announced sullenly as he left the room, and it was quietly blissful for a moment but Roscoe quickly realized he’d better not leave the kid unsupervised.

“Wait, ah, give me a moment and I will demonstrate the machine gun top for you,” he said hurriedly through gritted teeth.  Then he paused, frowning.  “And just what did you mean by ‘remind me of my dad’?”

[writeforfandoms]

Ship Cat

Find my Halo masterlist

Because I couldn’t resist continuing The Trouble with Tribbles. This fic is now alternately titled “How Many Sci-Fi Franchises Can I RIp Off?”

In this chapter, there is a new ship cat. Tom and John talk. Things go as they ever go.

Warnings: Lasky is done with everything. More Star Trek references. Swearing.

If Tom hadn't been in a mood, he'd have been impressed with the fact that he hadn't found out about the creature for three weeks. 

As it was, he was very much Not Amused. 

"What is that?" He asked, clinging to calm by the very tips of his fingers. 

The that in question mrrp'ed and blinked big eyes, impossibly green, from its place sheltered in Fred's arms.

"New ship cat, sir." Fred's tone was remarkably even. 

Tom was silent for a few long moments, working his jaw. "That is not a cat."

"The species is remarkably similar to Earth cats." That was Kelly, cool and composed as anything. 

Tom sighed, dropping his head for a moment. "Be that as it may. How did it get here?"

Silence. Absolute silence. All four Spartans were completely still. 

Dammit. Tom hated this. A tribble had been one thing, but this? "Roland." 

"Sir?" The AI shimmered into existence, normal grin notably absent, well attuned to his captain's moods. 

"Any other unauthorized animals brought aboard will be confiscated. Make sure everyone is aware." 

"Yes, sir." Roland didn't vanish though, watching the standoff between captain and Blue Team. 

"Chief." Tom tipped his head up, jaw tight. "Walk with me." He turned sharply, not waiting for confirmation, and started walking. A moment later long strides caught up, Chief keeping pace easily enough. "I don't care where it came from. I do care how you smuggled it in, but I suspect Roland helped you." A quick glance to the side showed Chief as impassive as ever with the armor on. "I understand Blue Team is used to making a lot of their own calls but I need to know about these kinds of things." 

"Understood, sir. It won't happen again." 

“And John?” Tom stopped, working his jaw for a moment to try and release some tension. “If any more of those appear, you’re responsible for giving them away. Dismissed.” 

He waited for Chief’s nod before he walked away. He had other things he had to take care of.

He even managed to not think about the ship cat-like-creature for another week. Until he took some coffee down to S-deck, rather hoping he’d catch John. 

The cat-thing was loose in the corridor, gray fur fortunately too dark to blend with the metal, those unnervingly green eyes focused on the captain. It meeped up at him, tail swishing from side to side, all six feet on the ground.

Tom was not one to be unnerved easily. He’d seen a lot, done a lot. 

But the thing that looked like a cat but wasn’t, staring up at him? That unnerved him. Just a little. 

Tom took a step forward, and the cat-thing perked up, stretching and then reaching out one paw to bat at his boot. 

“I should have made them take you back,” he grumbled down at the thing. “Where are they, anyway?” 

“...this way,” came a voice from down the hallway.

“I dunno, man,” a second person answered. “If it got loose on another deck Palmer will kill us.”

The two rounded the corner and stopped. Tom noted with some amusement that they both looked shocked before they snapped to attention. 

“Looking for this?” Tom glanced down at the cat-thing, which had progressed to attempting to chew on his boot. So far, his boot was winning, but he didn’t want to give the damn thing enough time to shift the odds. 

“Ah, yes sir.” One of the two stepped forward. “He, uh, slipped off.”

“So I see.” Tom eyed the two. “Try to keep a closer eye on it.”

“Yes sir, we will sir,” the Spartan hurried to agree. He stooped and picked up the cat-thing, and both of them jogged off again at Tom’s nod. 

He sighed. Apparently it was no longer a Blue Team pet, but a Spartan pet. He’d have to find out what Palmer thought of this.

Finally free, Tom made his way to John’s room and knocked. The door opened a moment later, John blinking once at him, towel draped over the back of his neck. 

“Coffee?” Tom offered up the cup. 

John’s lips twitched and he took the cup, tilting his head inside in silent invitation. Tom stepped into his room, the door closing after him. 

“I ran into your pet on the way here,” Tom said, taking the desk chair while John lowered himself to sit on the bed. 

John raised one eyebrow, taking a sip of his coffee. It had taken Tom days to figure out that John liked a couple spoonfuls of sugar in his coffee (although he’d take it any way he could get it, much like Tom himself). 

“The not actually a cat.” Tom took a sip of his own coffee. 

John shrugged. “Not mine,” he said, dry and low. 

Tom rolled his eyes. “Fred?” he guessed.

John’s lips twitched but he didn’t confirm. 

“Has he named it yet?” 

John shrugged, but his eyebrow twitched. Tom was getting better at reading him and leaned in, curious. John looked to the side for a moment. “Nothing’s been decided yet.” 

Tom narrowed his eyes, just a little. John didn’t want to tell him. Well, he’d just get the answer out of someone else, since it seemed all of S-deck was involved now. “I see.” 

John watched him carefully over the rim of his coffee, and Tom smiled a little. 

“We’ll be coming up on a colony planet in a few days,” he offered, leaning back in his chair and stretching his legs out in front of him. 

John nodded once, clearly waiting for more information. 

“And I have to go down there to play nice.” 

John’s lips twitched, a tiny expression of mirth at Tom’s wording. 

“You want to come with?” This was new. Tom wasn’t exactly the best at asking for things (as Palmer and Roland liked to remind him), and the added complications of this, of him and John, of this new… whatever this was, just added to his anxieties. But Tom didn’t let that stop him this time. 

John blinked at him once. And then nodded, slow but sure. 

That had been… easy. Easier than Tom had thought it would be. He blinked, his only outward expression of surprise. “Well. Good. Thank you.”  

Which is how Tom ended up boarding a Pelican, John right behind him, to go down to the planet. This should be easy - he just had to say hi, be nice, accept some kind of gift. Maybe go on a tour. And then he’d be done. 

Should be easy. 

And, mostly, it was. The mayor of the town was nice. A bit pompous, but nice. (Everyone here at least looked okay - no gaunt faces, no shredded clothing. Tom hated that he looked for these things, but it was too ingrained in him now.) What should have been a simple thing became a little bit of a circus, with the mayor trying to push Tom into having a meal and Tom using every excuse he could think of not to sit down for a meal. 

Finally, though, he got through it. With no small amount of relief. 

And then he was handed the gift. Or a small portion of the gift, anyway. 

“This contains quadrotriticale,” one of the mayor’s aids told him. “It grows well here, and can be used on other planets. We’ve got a few containers for you, but, well, the mayor wanted to give you some specifically.” 

“I see.” Tom looked down at the box, which was no longer than his hand and rattled gently when he moved it. “It’s a very generous gift, and I’m sure it will be a great help.” 

“One more thing, Captain.” The aid looked a bit nervous now. “I know tribbles are becoming more common, but, uh. Do not let the tribbles eat the grain. They convert it faster than most food sources. There, uh. There was an incident.” 

Tom felt John shift behind him, and he nodded. “I’ll make sure to pass the message along.” 

After that, finally, they got to leave. Tom gently tipped the box in his hand back and forth, considering. He might keep a little of it for the Infinity. They did have a garden, after all. It would be interesting, if nothing else. 

“That could have been worse,” Tom murmured once the Pelican was in the air again. 

John shifted his weight, a silent agreement. “At least he warned you about the tribbles.”

Tom sighed, though it was mostly for show. He was never going to live down that fiasco with the tribbles. “Could have been worse,” he reiterated, looking down at the grain to hide his grin. 

(He would remember his decision to grow some of the grain much less fondly after the not-a-cat got loose and hid in the garden for two days, scaring the daylights out of no fewer than ten crewmen.)

[theotherchaospixel]

I've been in this business a long time; when you've seen the things I have, you learn to just stay away from certain types of people. For a while, I henched for some big bad guy, I forget the name, you know the type: bombastic speeches, death weapons, obsessions with heroes, murdering their own henchmen. My buddy, Fred, was killed that day. Yeah, we all mourned his passing after the fact, all we henches, but that was a regular enough occurrence that we understood it could happen; the smartest of us left that day, the most headstrong remained. Come to think of it, I oughta get in touch with some o' those folks, see which of them were still alive, heh.

Anyways, I'm digressing a bit... I've been making this list for the last few decades of people to avoid; I've seen too many things for anything good to come out of trying to get anything from those people.

In general, you don't pick a fight with teenagers; all the heroes whose identities have been revealed thus far, most of them started work as a teenager. I did the math.

One of my friends tried to mug this teenager, the teenager challenged him to a card game, and I never saw either of them again.

I remember seeing on the news a while back this big, monstrous bad guy, some dragon alien guy in this big metal suit, and this girl in a frilly outfit who couldn't've been older than 17 just... showed up, waved a magic wand around, and casually blasted them to smithereens with the biggest nuclear laser I've ever seen.

Anyone in a suit: between that one rich guy coming out on national TV and saying he's Roboman & the rumours of that other rich guy being Nightmare - I can never keep track of which is which, back in my day, villains only demanded a couple million dollars, and we liked it! But anyways, I avoid anyone who looks rich. Not worth the risk.

I don't mess with families. Besides being kind of a hard mark to really get anything out of, I've had friends end up with broken bones because of it. I think one of them, later, after arriving at the hospital, the mother found him there and threatened to kill him right there for doing what he did. He told me she had these piercing red eyes, almost glowed.

Yeah, also anyone with weird eyes. Glowing eyes, purple eyes, red eyes, yellow eyes, more than two eyes, weirdly big eyes, eyes with non-white sclera.

I don't like doing it, cuz they've been through enough, and usually they'll have less than you if you meet them on the street, but if you're really, truly desperate, you might, maybe, possibly get away with mugging people of color. Only in the last... I dunno, 20 years, has it been? Only since then have you started to see more heroes of color; when I was younger, there were easily as many citizens of color as white people, if not more, but all the heroes you heard about, they were all white. I always thought that was weird. Nowadays I certainly wouldn't recommend it: not only is it higher-risk now, but it's still as mean as it ever was. Don't do it.

I like to stay away from the police. I mean, beyond the fact that this is a criminal business, realistically, it's a 90-10 whether you'll get a corrupt cop who can be bought off or a hero in disguise as a corrupt cop who can be bought off. I just don't like those odds.

PINK HAIR! Always... no, NEVER, never ever pick a fight with someone whose got hair that's a weird color or a weird shape. I've never seen anyone who's had pink hair and not turned out to be completely crazy. Dated one of them once. They tried to kill me. A few times actually, come to think of it. Had a thing for knives.

...Come to think of it, I'm not sure I've ever stopped and realized exactly how long I've stayed alive just cuz I kept my ear to the ground, stayed away from certain types of people. I'm old enough to have gray hair for God's sake, and I'm still doing this! I really oughta consider a career change, quit while I'm ahead.

Don't uh... don't tell anyone I told all this to you, huh?

"Why didn't you mug that guy? He seemed like an easy mark." "He was a young man with white hair with red eyes. That's a main character. I don't want to die."

[kiyfra]

For mermay I have decided to upload my fic, Do You Believe the Depths Would Harbour You? to Tumblr. It can be read here or on AO3 and I hope to have the next chapter completed this month.

Chapter 4: Thalassophobia

It was roughly a fortnight ago they had left the foul waters of Prehevil and followed the strongest currents they could find with the hopes of reaching open sea. The two of them had the good fortune of coming upon a winding river they could follow downstream for hundreds of miles, a huge artery of water that carried them straight to the ocean. It was deep enough to skirt past ships and towns built around ports, unnoticed along the bottom, and they had spent the weeks familiarizing themselves with their new aquatic existence. How the water around them responded to different movements, how sudden bursts of speed could catch prey unaware, and where to find calms spots to rest.

Marina talked excitedly about how they could travel anywhere in the ocean and all the sights they could see for nearly the entire trip and Levi tried to share her enthusiasm. It was nice seeing the Bohemian countryside drift past him without the twitchy nerves, nausea or full body aches after going too long without a hit of euphoria.

Too nice in fact, suspiciously so. His body no longer felt the craving for a needle under his skin, although the thought never truly left the back of his mind, and Levi feared the time would come to pay his dues. He had seen the mounds of corpses piled at the underwater altar and felt its darkness tugging at their minds and bodies. The gods had never answered his prayers before and he refused to believe this one would do something so benevolent. Neither did he believe Marina was foolish enough to think their escape was granted out of the sheer kindness of the gods’ hearts, but if she was optimistic then he could try to be as well.

They had excitedly swam through the mouth of the river into the sea through some busy port in Bremen and past turbulent waters clouded with silt, only stopping to take stock of their surroundings when the water stopped tasting so polluted. Marvelous blues and greens awaited them with carpets of seaweeds swaying in gentle currents, polyps and other odd creatures clinging to stone, and shoals of fish flashing in the sunlight that streamed in from dizzyingly high above.

“Sooooo, was it worth the trip?” Marina asked with a grin.

It was truly an alien world. Everything from the vibrant colours that eventually turned blue with distance to the drastic shifts in temperature from short dives was completely unfamiliar. And it felt comfortable, welcoming. The constant pressure was a gentle embrace that would be with him until death, one that bestowed his freedom and would freeze, starve, or crush the life out of him with a loving smile.

“It’s very different,” Levi stated.

“Different in a good way or a bad way?”

The sea was quite beautiful but no doubt dangerous in ways they scarcely understood and may not understand until it was too late. He recalled how they were tumbled in a somewhat choppy port or swiftly grew tired when they tried to swim against the current. The two of them had only experienced mild weather in mid-autumn; who knew how they would fare when winter turned the seas colder and less forgiving. Levi thought of the limitless ocean‘s allure with all the secrets it hid and wished he still had his rifle with him.

“Both,” he decided. “…Everything feels…connected. Nothing is separate.”

“How so?” Marina raised an eyebrow quizzically as she waited for him to elaborate.

“I dunno… I used to think water…” Already he felt foolish in front of her, his tongue becoming stuck in his mouth while he tried to think of how to explain what he was thinking. “…was either clean or dirty…”

Levi gently glided down to a sandy bank with Marina following closely and dragged a hand through the soil for a demonstration where a decent sized cloud was kicked up from the disturbance.

“The water around us isn’t clean or dirty… Some of it falls back down, some is carried away and some gets carried to us.“

Lakes led into rivers and then seas, water travelling through currents across vast distances, continuous and ever changing. There weren’t boundaries marking where one body of water started and another ended. Salinity was a gradient and tendrils of warmth and light still reached cold, dark areas with one place flowing into the next

“These don’t feel like separate things or processes… The temperature changes so fast going up or down and I can feel you- I can feel when you’re nearby from movements in the water.“

Was that a weird thing to say?

“Sorry. I’m not making any sense, am I?”

Levi shook his head, wishing he had the soul of a poet. There were plenty of soldiers that wrote long letters, poems and memoirs, but Levi never developed that skill with no one to dedicate them to. Maybe the solitary soul could have offered the world eloquent words or beautiful art borne from its isolated existence. A contemplative soul with a lonely heart aching to be heard, but the chance to nurture and refine it was long gone.

“No, I kinda get what you mean. Maybe it’s just because it’s new to us, but I’m a lot more aware of my surroundings than I used to be. And everything does mix together underwater.”

Levi decided to continue, relieved he hadn’t made a complete fool of himself after all.

“…I’m not sure what to expect… I’m glad we’re here though.”

“Mmhmm.” Marina nodded along. “Just hoping you weren’t having any buyer’s remorse. I’m going to have a look around. See you back here in a bit!”

“O-okay, try not to go too far,” he said as she swam away.

Visibility wasn’t great and he could only see about ten yards in any given direction before the surroundings were swallowed up by a blue fog. He wasn’t sure they’d notice any danger in time and Levi felt far too exposed. Were there sharks around?

For much of his life he counted on being able to spot small specks of movement from a distance and the government issued rifle strapped to his back. Sounds travelled confusingly over much farther distances and it was difficult to determine how far away they originated from, or how large their source was. It was going to take some time to become attuned to his new senses and environment, but their survival likely depended on it. Food wasn’t always going to be easy to come by and danger could be lurking unexpectedly.

Marina seemed rather unconcerned, always carrying herself with the same confidence he saw in her as a young girl walking the streets of Prehevil with her group of friends all those years ago. The confidence of someone with an actual future and who knew they were meant for better things. For all the restrictions and monitoring that must have come with being the priest’s daughter, Levi figured she hadn’t much exposure to danger before Termina.

Well, that was fine.

He was acutely aware the only reason he was alive was the occultist’s formal education regarding the otherworldly, an education that was beyond the reach of someone like him, and her willingness to take him along. It was completely fair if she needed him to return the favour and he wasn’t going to complain about being useful. Far more noble to follow and fight for a lady’s sake than the meat grinder he left behind.

Marina had already disappeared out of sight, leaving Levi alone with his thoughts. It was strange not having her fill the silence her own thoughts and opinions or asking him what was on his mind. Far less reserved than he was, she was constantly suggesting and dragging him into things that he wouldn’t have the courage to try on his own.

The occultist’s spontaneity often alarmed him, but Levi knew she was no fool. The tendency of hers had saved his life and he would always defer to her expertise in such matters. It was easy to let himself be slotted into her life and concerns.

Levi drifted about without much direction, feeling aimless and ill at ease as he explored. They were technically still in Bremen territory in this part of the ocean and he wondered whether the abrupt peace talks were truly the end of the war. How long would it take for Europa to rebuild? Which bombed out towns or no man’s lands would belong to them when the borders were redrawn? He supposed it wasn’t really his problem anymore.

Amongst the crag was some movement from a large brown crab that caught his eye. It slowly clambered sideways over uneven rock and Levi hovered nearby for a closer look. He had become well accustomed with the movements required of his eel-like body and the maneuverability it offered him, circling the crab cautiously in observation. Sensing the danger, it started scuttling faster and raised its pincers above its head in defence. It couldn’t run fast enough to keep its claws facing the predator maneuvering himself around it, and without even questioning why, Levi tried to discern how he could grab it while avoiding a painful pinch. The crab couldn’t rotate its pincers behind itself and Levi only hesitated for a brief moment before he scooped up the wary crustacean from the ocean floor.

Pleased with himself for having successfully caught dinner, he figured it was time to go find Marina, ignoring the creature flailing its legs to no avail. She wasn’t back where they first split up and Levi could only bring himself to wait anxiously for a few minutes before he went off in search of her. They only had a few more hours of daylight before the sea was plunged into an eerie twilight and he feared he’d never find her.

Time dragged on as he fruitlessly looked for any sign of Marina with the waters becoming tinged orange and the shadows growing deeper. The ex-soldier couldn’t shake the fear that shouting her name too loud would draw the attention of an unwanted something, so he repeatedly called out with as much volume as a whisper would allow.

He finally found her floating over a drop off, her back turned while she was peering down into the yawning void below. Levi cautiously swam over the cliff side for an uncomfortably long distance towards the occultist where she watched beams of light fade into the murky depths.

“Marina?”

“Oh? Levi… I swam out here and was hit by sudden vertigo. I can’t even tell how far down it goes. It’s dizzying to look at, isn’t it?” Marina asked with a voice that sounded far away.

The ex-soldier wasn’t afraid of heights; a high vantage point or overnight camp in tree branches away from a ground turned quagmire was one of the few promises of safety he was given in the army. He obviously didn’t die from it so what was the point? Instead, Levi worried about what might be gazing up at them from below.

“Not really… I mean- it’s not like we’re going to fall to our deaths.”

“I know that!” Her defence came out shrill and embarrassed.

It seemed his arrival snapped her out of whatever trance she was in and she saw the crab still spreading its pincers threateningly in his hands. “Did you catch us dinner?”

Levi nodded and they swam back to the safety of the rocky outcropping, settling down and reclining near the edge. It had been early that morning when they last ate and the emptiness of his stomach was becoming unbearable. He supposed now they were meant to eat their catch, shell, spindly limbs and all. Even if their teeth were strong enough to break through its carapace, they would still get a mouthful of tiny shards that would be impossible to pick out of the meat.

“I’m… not sure how to approach this,” Levi said.

It was equally unclear how to proceed when they caught their first fish, finally managing to snag one with their claws after many failed attempts. The surprise and delight gave way to confusion at what to do with the frantically wriggling creature bleeding out in Marina’s grasp. Apprehension followed when they soon realized they would be finding themselves tearing into the creature’s flesh with their teeth, then disgust when they discovered they liked it. Through some trial and error, the pair learned how to shear away the sweet tasting meat while avoiding pin bones and unpleasant looking guts.

“Maybe we could crack it open with a rock?” Marina suggested before making a face at the morbid idea.

It would scuttle away the moment he put it down and he doubted he could make a swift killing blow with it in his hands.

“I’d have to pull the legs off so it can’t escape,” he stated while twisting at the joints.

If Marina had any objections to the grizzly solution, she didn’t voice them. Levi acted swiftly to put the poor creature out of its misery, but any sympathy he had felt like a detached understanding. It was just a fact of nature that everything had to eat and the ex-soldier only killed for survival. That was all he ever did. They had no right to bear a grudge against a man that only wanted to live, just as he had no right to harbour resentment against those poor souls stuck in the mud with lost limbs, innards spilling out, and faces that shouldn’t still haunt him.

He gripped the rock so hard that his hand started to hurt and brought it down with as much force as he could muster. The shell cracked and splintered and Levi brought the rock down again for good measure, it’s head now an unrecognizable mess. It was dead now and they had dinner. He could stop thinking about the points of its legs as it tried futilely to shove him away or imagine it looking up with a pleading expression at its executioner.

Marina took a claw for herself and pried segments open to scrape out the meat while Levi took the main body. He cleared away broken shell before scooping a handful of innards soaked with fluids out of the cavity. It was a lot chewier than fish with a pleasant flavour and they both ate in silence with only the messy sounds of cracking shell to accompany their dinner. Marina stared out into the empty expanse where green and orange intermingled with murky deep and Levi wished she’d say something.

“I’ve never had crab before,” he mumbled.

His parents couldn’t have afforded such a luxury and the orphanage certainly wasn’t going to shell out money for something so frivolous, so bread and soup it was. As repetitive as the army’s c-rations were, plenty of soldiers found a bit of levity guessing what their dinner would be when the labels were too damaged to read. Levi was usually right when he guessed corned beef and hardtack.

“Do you like it?” she asked hopefully.

“Yeah… It might sound a bit strange, but I think this new seafood diet might be the best I’ve ever eaten.”

Food had almost always been something begrudgingly given to keep him sustained, but never nourished. To keep up the appearance of being charitable or to have one more set of boots on the ground. Making no promises but holding no expectations, he was now freely offered anything he could obtain from the ocean’s bounty, perhaps the supposed generosity of Vinushka at work.

Levi tried to recall the best food he’d ever had. He was tempted to say it was something his mother made for him when he was young, though his memories were too foggy to recall more than a general feeling. The army offered far more generous meals than the usual fare around Yuletide; roast turkeys, hams, sides and deserts to be enjoyed with the likelihood of a lull in combat.

Then there was the night before his final mission. Cuts of beef with marbling that would have been reserved for the top brass, vegetables that were fresher than expected and a sauce that had been heavily spiced. The rest of his squadron didn’t find the offerings of seconds with ale to wash it down suspicious and happily tucked into their dinner. He still wasn’t sure if the uncharacteristic generosity was an order from above or if a rouge kitchen attendant on base took it upon themselves to provide some small kindness towards the soldiers not expected to return.

“Mmhmm.” Marina made a noise of agreement while struggling to pry open a crab leg. “I only really started appreciating seafood after going to study abroad.”

She talked at length about various dishes she’d tasted while studying in Vatican City along with desserts, restaurants she’d visited and Levi noted the undercurrent of sadness in her reminiscing. There was no way she’d ever be able to have any of them again, one of the many things she had to give up for a life beneath the waves.

“There were a bunch of fancy restaurants with seafood buffets, but we could have lobster and oysters every night if we wanted to!”

It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself, but Levi kept that thought to himself.

“Thanks for getting us dinner, by the way.” She had finished off the last of the legs. “Eating crab while watching the sunset made for a pretty romantic evening. “

His face grew hot at remembering that she hadkissed him once. The ex-soldier didn’t dare allow himself to dwell on the event, let alone ask if she had meant anything by it.

He already felt like a creep for the involuntary images that occasionally flashed through his mind; the ribbon on her blouse coming loose and wondering what she would look like without it, her slender fingers and delicate mouth on him, small beads of water reminiscent of sweat. It seemed depraved for a worthless junkie that could barely string a coherent sentence together to think such lewd things about her.

“Oh! Do you think we could find pearls?” Marina perked up at the idea and turned towards him expectantly.

Levi never really thought about how pearls were found; obviously they came from clams, but he wasn’t sure how common pearls were or if they could only be found in certain species. They must be rare, but if people went diving for them and found enough for entire jewelry industries, they couldn’t be that uncommon.

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t see why not.”

“Awesome!” She got up and motioned for him to follow.

Wait, right now?

“It will be nighttime soon and I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not go looking in the dark,” Marina explained as if she could read his mind.

Was such a thing even possible? After all Levi had seen, there was very little he’d rule out and little he’d believe the occultist was incapable of.

They abandoned the empty carapaces to be picked over by scavengers and headed back to the soft sands where shellfish might be hiding. Marina seemed to be easily distracted during their search and kept carelessly brushing against him as they swam, his stomach doing a nervous flip-flop with each brief contact. She would wander off and look back while Levi was scanning the sea floor. Was she getting bored already? And why was she staring at him?

Marina abruptly darted off and Levi quickly went after her in confusion. She tried to put distance between herself and the ex-soldier without vanishing from sight, frequently checking to make sure she hasn’t lost him. Content she was successfully leading him around, she made rapid dives and ascensions and zipped around rock formations, challenging him to keep up while schools of fish parted around her. This turned out to be a mistake on her part as Levi’s superior maneuverability allowed him to turn faster to close the distance between them with every change in direction she made, though a grin never left her face.

There was no way out as he snaked around the rock she had stationed between them and her evasive maneuvers turned frantic when he reached out to catch her. Marina let out a laugh as she barely escaped his grasp and swam away and Levi couldn’t help but laugh too. The two of them raced about and around each other in delight, swapping between who was chasing who as green and orange scenery rushed past them.

After a moment’s pause, Marina decided to experiment and flipped over onto her back, finding that her typical swimming motion still carried her along at the same speed. She continued upside down, free to watch the boy in pursuit above her and with enough altitude to be confident she wasn’t about to crash into anything.

Fields of crag and green plant matter sloped away further below and Levi watched as the occultist unwittingly shot past the drop off, a slight worry gnawing at him. The bright pinks and whites were like an obvious beacon signalling the presence of prey, foolish and unaware. He felt like he should warn her, but he didn’t want to spoil the moment and perhaps he was being unreasonably paranoid.

Finally she slowed down, allowing him to catch up. He cruised along above her for several relaxed moments, wondering what she had planned next, when she wrapped her arms around his torso and buried her face against his shoulder. Levi froze in shock at the warmth of her hands placed on his back and the feeling of her hair brushing against his neck before he allowed himself to relax into the embrace.

The meaning behind the gesture didn’t matter in the moment. They were finally somewhere the past couldn’t reach them, where old reservations and notions of what was proper no longer counted for anything. Marina never worried about whether she was deserving of the things she wanted or any fortune that came her way; maybe it was okay to just enjoy a simple pleasure granted to him. The hunger for more still felt wrong, every craving of the body meant to be denied, every bit of spoiled selfishness and perversion to be rooted out. Levi reassured himself that he wasn’t asking for too much if he was only taking what was given.

Both of them were gently pitched and pulled by the swelling of the ocean, content to let orange sunlight cast its last rays of warmth for the day upon them with neither saying anything. Levi didn’t want it to end and it would be way out of line to ask to spend the night in each other’s arms after she let go. He was tempted to let drowsiness take him and drift off with her in the open sea, though he knew that would be a terrible idea.

They were not alone.

Peering up at them through the dark was a pale white face, gaunt with empty black eyes and lips that couldn’t hide pointed teeth. Though roughly human and feminine in appearance with long black hair fading into the darkness, the sallow face and hands evoked creatures that lived in the deepest recesses of the ocean.

Marina noticed Levi going stiff in her arms and turned back onto her front, surprised at where they ended up. She quickly spotted the pale figure lurking in the dark and froze on the spot.

The creature spying on them made no move, continuing their stare down with an unreadable expression. Without breaking eye contact, the ivory skinned enigma retreated downwards and vanished back into the dark, swallowed up by the murk with no hint where they had gone or that they were ever there in the first place.

The duo reflected uneasily on how little they actually knew about their new world. On the dying daylight that would leave no distinction between the darkness below and the world above. They swam back to shallower waters to find some shelter from the oncoming night, frequently checking behind them to make sure they weren’t being followed.

—————————————

No sunlight reached so far below, but a faint blue light pulsed along a black, scaled body as it glided through the dark. The light emanated from various sigils that had been carved into her body throughout the years, nearly every Old God represented in scarred tissue.

Reaching out with her mind, she could still feel the two faint presences that had sought shelter for the impending night. Even as far away as she lurked, Samarie knew she could recognize the essence of such an extraordinary person from anywhere, like a thread connecting them.

She had been so… perfect.

Framed by the golden sunlight above like an angel descended to earth, the girl had been unknowingly peering down upon the wretched, unworthy thing hidden out of sight below.

It was easy and felt natural to slip past her stream of thought into the recesses of her mind and see the secrets she kept to herself. How they were both students of the occult and how they had both been changed by the same dark forces.

Samarie knew of gods and practices long forgotten by the rest of the world, rituals and black magics that begged to be taught. She would happily tell Marina anything she wanted, but she couldn’t let herself be seen yet. Not when every move of her bulbous lips gave a flash of needle like teeth. With stringy hair more akin to putrid kelp, knobby, skeletal hands, and black eyes that hungrily ate up the slightest bit of light.

Marina wasn’t ready to come face to face with abyssal things that dwelled in the deep, let alone love one that slithered up to her. So Samarie contented herself with eating her own meal hidden many feet below the drop off and wistfully allowed herself to believe they were sharing a dinner.

It was a mistake to get too close so soon. She couldn’t help drifting a little further up into the warm world above, committed to memorizing every sweeping movement and curve of Marina’s body before she was spotted. Of course she was horrified by Samarie’s repulsive visage leering at her; she didn’t need to read her mind to see the disgusted expressed on her face. Marina didn’t see the beauty of drab misshapen things that dwelled in the only place she called home.

But she could learn to.

She could be shown the language of hypnotic bioluminescence and how creatures of the abyssal black survived without sunlight. Samarie would do anything to be with such a goddess, to bridge their separate worlds. This must be what being in love is like.

Yes… she loved her…

[bawwsadface]

trying for 30 years to take off the mask

originally published May 14th, 2024

i get this feeling, all the time, that i'm doing everything wrong. like, everything in my life. creative endeavors, handling responsible adult tasks, interacting with humans etc. i know most neurodivergent people struggle with this feeling. i think most people in general do. it feels like just another feature of this thing we call The Human Condition. still, it's hard not to think i'm the biggest weirdo to ever walk the earth. and as a result, to think that i'm incapable of being understood or loved by others. i know those thoughts are not true in reality. it's just difficult to shake the mental attitudes that got me here.

it seems like Being In Therapy is the defining aspect of my life in my late 20s. i kinda wish it wasn't tbh. like i love to grow, i love to change, i love to learn and understand myself. i love to be taking better care of myself and possess better emotional intelligence and regulation. that's all fantastic. but i hate so much of my personality revolving around recovery right now. around just allowing myself space to stand on two feet. you know? i dunno, is it cringe to heal? is it uncool and lame and uncomfortable for others looking in to see someone who isn't exactly doing a whole lot other than surviving? and why does that fucking matter to me so much?

there's a word that is often attached to the word "young" when being talked about by people who are not young. the word is "impressionable." i've always found that pairing interesting. since being in therapy i've learned one of the cardinal rules/stereotypes about seeing a mental health professional is true, painfully true. it all really does come back to your parents, and the environment you were raised in. those who existed in closest proximity while your embryonic appendages were still cooking tend to lay the biggest impressions on you. and an impression that big is hard to scrape up and paint over decades later. even if those people and times feel so far away that they might as well be myth.

i think part of the reason i feel like i'm doing everything wrong all the time is because i was met with a lot of indifference as a child. i had a fairly privileged childhood, i was the baby in a family of four children being parented by a Perennially At Work father and a mother who had been doing childcare since she first got pregnant at age 15. but even so, most adults didn't seem to know how to care about what i cared about. the best they could do was be happy that i was happy despite having no idea what i would be on about. it led me to believe that much of what seemed indicative of my "self" wasn't palatable to people who seemed to have their lives together. that much of what i was experiencing needed to be hidden. that authority figures especially shouldn't know that i'm stumbling my way through life at a pace at odds with theirs.

i should, i thought, instead act like i have it together around these people. i should codify a state of normalcy that i can perform around those who don't understand me. and let me tell you, when you're young, it feels like nobody walking this earth understands you. and the more this type of thinking sinks its teeth into you, the more it becomes habit and routine. it becomes your normal. this is how the mask is formed. and soon enough the dissonance between what is true to who you are and how you behave around others stops feeling like a variance of speed on the same race track and instead two completely different dances happening in parallel that bump into each other when stepping off-beat. i tell you, it makes for a profoundly confusing and paralyzing way of navigating being alive when you feel like you're on a completely different highway from everybody else. but one that still overlaps and intersects with the one everyone else is on.

one time in my tweenage years i walked over to a friend's house, unannounced, to hang out. something i did fairly often as a kid. came to find out it was my friend's birthday that day, and he had family over celebrating. lacking the ability to catch most social cues at that age, i decided to stay around for the celebration and act like it was just me and my buddy hanging out normal style. his family was pretty confused by the whole thing. they asked me where my parents were and what i was doing there. i didn't really know how to answer. later in the afternoon, i was fiddling with a super mario world level editor on their family computer. my friend's mother asked in a stern voice what i "was doing on her computer," as if i was standing there straight up jorking it to redtube in the living room. i panicked and closed the window trying to avoid a conflict, but that didn't make her feel any better about my presence there. as i got older, i realized i was unwelcome in their home that day. that to them, i had essentially invaded a private space they were cultivating and acted like me being there was their problem to solve. idk, a bit of unchecked entitlement on my end for sure. but it's a moment from that age i still remember for how viscerally uncomfortable it made me feel. maybe that was god's way of making me understand my surroundings better.

i guess what i'm getting at, is that wearing this mask so often has lead to a level of guardedness that simply doesn't need to be there. why do i feel compulsions to withhold information from my loved ones? to lie to the people being the most honest and open with me? or to think i'm unworthy of forgiveness? of love? of being accepted even while feeling shame? i can't exactly answer those questions, but i can tell you that paint is still something i'm trying to strip away.

i'm still learning that being like this is okay. and that everybody, at least in some ways, is like this too. nobody has the answers, nobody is doing anything precisely perfectly "correct." and we're all just approximating stability and security when we can, because it satisfies carnal fixtures of our evolution that have stuck with us like an appendix. there is no such thing as Normal. there is no such thing as The Right Way. rules are the inventions of people, as such they are only governed by people. sometimes we invent lies so that the truths feel less ephemeral. sometimes we need frameworks so we don't stumble so far out of the frame that we can't get back. i'm not advocating for solipsism. but i feel that sense of never quite checking the box on anything, never fully dotting the i's and crossing the t's, well that is the human condition. just trying to make sense of the unfeeling, uncaring, indifferent world we're stuck living in. a world that can be beautiful when you take that mask off more often.

there's beauty in our lives being limited. in our bodies being finite resources. in our experiences being frivolous. one day, hopefully far from now, it'll all be over and there will be words left unsaid and places left unexplored and people left unknown. and that'll be okay. and this life will have felt worth living. and in the end, hopefully, i will feel like i did it My Way. that i didn't need to do it The Right Way.

[paragonrobits]

in the spectrum of modding there's a particular category of mods I consider baffling and would never use, and I don't exactly object to anyone using them but also i kind of do because they're such a baffling choice in stretching a game engine beyond its intended purposes and probably introduce so many bugs, strange mechanics and problems that I have to ask why they went to the trouble

and it is specifically mods that generally try to make a game behave like a radically different game in ways that are contrary to the intended playing style of the game that makes it feel like way more trouble than its worth.

As a general rule of thumb I dont particularly mind really out there modding; your game, your business. I may not really get WHY someone would... i dunno, turn all the dragons in Skyrim into Thomas the Tank Engine. And I love mods like Hunterborn for Skyrim, introducing a small impact but gameplay-enhancing mechanics for hunting animals, harvesting their hides and body parts for selling or base game item crafting or food. Its something like that where I realized that i REALLY enjoy having at least a simple or minimalistic aspect of survival craft in games in general; its just FUN for me

but where I personally have to question why is stuff where the modded systems seems.. contrary to the game its in.

The biggest case that comes to mind in current games is Baldur's Gate 3, specifically mods that make the game's combat function entirely in real time.

Now, for those that haven't played it, Bg3 is specifically a tactical turn-based RPG for its combat. It is otherwise done in real time until combat starts or a player initiates turn-based mode for more careful gameplay (a must in many situations, as most of the powers a player can use with the characters only last for a few turns, which seem to be roughly half-a-minute in real time, so solving problems with those spells requires either REALLY fast action or using the turn system).

I've seen a LOT of mods that completely excise the turn-based system in several ways. It seems pretty common to have the party become controlled by AI except for your own avatar and that's where I personally draw a line. While i can accept this, in a degree, with summoned minions (because you can summon a LOT and micro-managing them all is more tedious than anything) but a good part of the fun is your party! You can level and respec them as you want, and having them be AI-controlled feels like a not-great idea, especially because the game's AI and pathfinding can be... really stupid. So in a tactical game, that seems like a bad idea.

It just seems baffling, then, when people completely remove the turn-based mechanic to make it real time. The game is NOT balanced around this at all, and its built entirely with turn-based gameplay as a core mechanic. This isn't, say, introducing a more complex version of pre-existing mechanics or implementing a new system, this is something so at odds with the design that it seems WAY more trouble than its worth.

Prior to BG3, the biggest example I could think was in Skyrim modding days, I noticed a LOT of people making Skyrim mods that made the game look, feel and work more like Dark Souls, back during the height of popularity for that series in particular on a mechanical level.

This included stuff like dodge-rolling (which actually DID fit the game, and I regularly used such mods for a long time), a much harsher reprecussions of violence and injury to make fights more punishing, making every fight MUCH more brutal, and generally leaning much towards the difficulty of Dark Souls in general.

My problem with it is still the same; while I don't object to implementing new and interesting gameplay features, especially ones that spice up a game like this with new ways to approach it, Dark Souls always felt like a BAD fit for Skyrim; Dark Souls' core gameplay is about high levels of difficulty with enemies that cannot be cheesed but must be understood to find the gaps in their attack patterns and gaining skills to outfight them.

This requires stuff that doesn't really exist in Skyrim; attack patterns are pretty random, enemies have straightforward attacks that dont really have timing in a DS-fashion, and the core aspects that underpin how DS makes this kind of gameplay work just does not exist in Skyrim.

It was also pretty common for those mods to be done by people with an elitist mentality who, nowadays, tend to have mod installation be obtuse to the point of flat out refusing to give installation instructions at all. One example of tihs concerned a set up for SkyTweak (an extremely good mod that allowed for the customizing of many in-game settings from attack speed, to merchant gold, to applying difference aspects). At first I had no idea what this specific set up was going for.

It massively increased the stamina costs of heavy weapon attacks, nerfed enhancements through enchantment and potions to the point of making them nearly useless, and vastly increased the raw power of enemies. I gave it a shot and found it too difficult to really like, and I had no idea what exactly the author was going for, and then looking at the comments I worked it out; it was a stealth attempt to make the game more like Dark Souls, but they failed to take into account how Skyrim's gameplay just did NOT work with that at all.

Apparently other people criticized it, made suggestions or otherwise tried to point out how it didn't mesh well with the gameplay, so the author just deleted it entirely off Reddit.

Anyway the point is: I love mods, I play them as much as anything, and they're a great addition to just about any game! But when it comes to mods that are so contrary to a game's design, you have to really wonder WHY they want to make a turn-based game an RTS instead? just seems more trouble than its worth

[kattythingz]

6, 9, and 15 or the bunny gets it 🔪 🐰

Is the bunny named KARMA? BECAUSE SHE'S IMMORTAL IN THAT CASE, BITCH.

Anyway, since you asked I guess

6. Make a sampler plate! Which three fics should a first-time reader of yours read first?

Oh, real funny. Kat can't write short works so she'll struggle with this question—I see your ass Jinx. JOKES ON YOU, I HAVE AN EASY LIST THOUGH.

care for a death? - my darling favorite child of an au. My edling Hades au. This one-shot is only 2k and honestly an odd one out next to all my other longfic works, buuut, it's super cute and loosely establishes the grounds for a more extensive au if anyone's interested in further exploring it (in the 14k sequel hehe). I'd like to think I characterized edling very well with their new backstories in mind! And there's not nearly enough flustered Ling content in the world.

Reliable Conclusion - yet another edling pride and joy of mine! This time a Monkie Kid au, and this one actually follows my more "canon" take on edling (or, well, Ed), so this can serve as a very nice appetizer to my characterization of them in Crown. I also put a lot of effort into the bg world-building and the casting! It has a nice blend of romantic (well, queerplatonic to me) and platonic too, with edling and greedling respectively! I also finally take a crack at my guilty pleasure of Ed & Lust being besties too~ 03 my beloved you were SO real for redeeming her. All in all this fic captures a ton of my trademarks!

Falling Impressions - last but not least RIVALSHIPPING! Yes, yes, I do write outside of edling from time to time, and Yugi/Kaiba are esp a love of mine. This fic was written before I completely fell into longfics, so it's also a shorter work, but it's cute and captures some of my favorite tropes of gruff characters softening for their loved ones! Which is... quite the common trope that I find myself writing. Ehe.

9. Oops! Your entire fic repository has to be permanently deleted, but you can pick three to remain. Which three fics are you saving and why?

Well, first, I'd need to cry—but after that!

A Crown with Gems and Gold - yeah, OBV my edling magnum opus is going on this list. Crown is my first (published) fic to breach 100k and SO much heart and soul went into it, from the rewriting of the plot to the established relationship to the blessed whump; this fic has been a goddamn test of my love, for better or worse. But by god if I don't adore it to pieces. It has all the tropes I love and it's so shamelessly catered to ME. It's truly my pride and joy. I dunno where I'd be without it, considering I've spent the better part of a year now cracking at it.

We'll Be a Sweet Disaster - this fic is def one of my lesser known ones but it means THE ENTIRE WORLD TO ME, OKAY. Stalia is one of my favorite ships to this day and this fic specifically was my first successful crack at a longfic canon rewrite, one of my favorite genres. S4 of Teen Wolf was particularly my favorite because of Stalia and I just. I love them so much. And I'm honestly still so proud of the work I did here, even if it's notably older in terms of writing style.

Apple of Your Eye - yet another canon rewrite, this time of sk8! This one is esp dear to me tho because I finally got to write a darkfic for the first time. And by god was it SO FUN. I was honestly afraid that I'd overdone it with the dark aspects in this fic, but so many people commented on loving it FOR those aspects and I just. I've never felt that much love and support on a fic of mine before, honestly. It boosted my confidence by MILES and ultimately pushed me to pursue my other guilty pleasures! It was soooo worth slaving through Ramadan for it.

15. Which three fics were sleeper hits?

Okay so how I understood "sleeper hit" was as a fic that unexpectedly got popular, or took a while before it abruptly skyrocketed. That being said:

Apple of Your Eye - THIS FIC, HOLY SHIT. I posted it back in 2023 long after the sk8 hype had died down honestly, and given the prompt of the fic (a roleswap with Reki as Adam's object of obsession rather than Langa), I wasn't expecting it to get popular either. I felt lucky that I'd get even 2k hits or any comments at all. As of its stats today, it has 13k hits and. Way more comments and bookmarks than I can even wrap my head around. Idek how this happened tbh, like did someone just go around reccing the fic?? Was sk8 experiencing a resurgence I didn't know of? Either way, this fic continues to top my yearly fic stats.

What Sort of Imminent Threat - now this one. This one I had even LESS expectations for because—it's a fic about a musical, ffs. Who's gonna read that? Not many, at first! I wrote this fic loooong before the Ocean Saga (3rd out of 9) even released, so reception was predicably low at the start. But then. Then the UNDERWORLD SAGA happened. And the fic really exploded then, because ig we all needed collective sanctuary from the angst that was that goddamn saga. And then everything after was just pure trauma after trauma so. I'm not surprised when the numbers spike anymore lmao.

Mother(ghost) of Mine - THIS fic is the one I'm still most skeptical and embarrassed by, buuuut, yeah, I wrote this DP fic all the way back in 2020—and it was painfully self-indulgent. Like, in a way I was still anxious about, even as I was posting the fic. It didn't help my expectations that this fic was just. A series of fluffy one-shots. No real plot to be seen (which is most certainly not my brand anymore, and I find myself bored of that genre in fact). And yet, somehow, to this day, I am still getting comments and hits and the numbers just keep racking up. Not that I'm complaining, ofc, but it's just... extremely bizarre. Esp given the DP fandom tends to favor soul-crushing angst instead of fluff lmao. And this oddball is in fact my most popular fic still today. (Crown is looking to top it soon tho 👀.)

[puffedupmoth]

Occasionally, I worry that I'm severely Schizophrenic, or have some kind of dementia, and one of my delusions is that I'm autistic(don't ask how, my brain is very anxious, and I'm not formally diagnosed). But, then I remember everything I did as a small child. Here is a comprehensive list of everything I remember. I will add more as I remember more. This is mostly so I can pull it up to any counselor, or smth.

Sucking/Chewing on my sleeves bc... I dunno, it tasted good, or good texture.

Stimming with my sleeves

Every single barbie/doll I had must be painted and customized by me, or it's not "mine". (I still have a little bit of this, but it's mainly my bookbag, jackets and shoes now.)

I used to cry everytime people sang happy birthday for anything.

I don't remember what the first Hellenistic Myth I ever heard was, but I've also never not been interested in it, as if I was born with the knowledge of Zeus' uncontrollable trouser-snake.

Accidentally harassing one boy in my daycare, because I didn't know how else to express my affection towards him. (If he ever finds this, I'm so sorry.)

Undertale hyper-fixation.

Fnaf hyper-fixation.

Creepypasta hyper-fixation, which lead to

SCP Foundation hyper-fixation.

"I don't know who this Spock guy is, but I feel an odd gravitation towards him."

Oddly verbose/advanced vernacular, grammar police.

Highly gifted, followed by an intense burn-out when a change is brought in.

My first good father figure was an English Teacher, and now I'm obsessed with creative writing and reading.

My best friend of almost 10 years is Autistic.

Every single creator I've related to has either ADHD or Autism.

Speaking fluent sarcasm, but I'm completely lost if someone tries to speak it to me.

Everyday at recess, I would do nothing but walk around the playground. Later, I would exclusively dig a hole by the tree line.

Learning to repeat people's questions back to them to get through small talk.

I never asked a doctor a single question, prior to the age of 13.

"This lesson is difficult, so don't go ahead," when I was already done with, and fully understood the lesson bc it was just the last lesson with different words.

[earths-roots-grow-up]

Honestly, it was so good. The only thing I didn't quite like, or maybe was vaguely disappointed by? Well: the way I understood the ending of Unburied was that the relationship between Bruce and Edward, although not exactly allies, was more friendly. This doesn't seem to translate to The Riddler podcast at all, which is a bummer. I hate it when there's character growth/arc in a relationship, and then it just disappears in order to keep some kind of "status quo" or who knows why. Same thing with Barbara, tbh. The way Eddie talks to them is like Unburied happened - especially the way he talks to Barbara -  but the way they talk to him, it's like Unburied did not happen and it's a bit perplexing. Some moments gave me lowkey whiplash, when he talks to Barbara in this very "we obviously have a rapport established" way that fits their backstory in Unburied, and she just completely doesn't react at all, like she's from a different fairytale or something, and no one clued her in on the backstory they are supposed to have. The effect is odd.

Also, Batman's lack of concern for the murdered rogues. I get that we didn't see his inner conflicts and angst in this podcast, since he was less on screen than Eddie and rarely by himself, but it still felt like he kinda didn't care about the deaths. Edward actually calls him out on it openly, like at least twice, and it kinda just fizzles out?

Maybe it just went over my head - not gonna lie, I tend to be bad with subtleties and may want things to be hammered home a bit too much. I understand that things can't be explained to me like I'm a toddler, as a viewer I have to be able to pick up on suggestions too, and the way Batman walks out of the infirmary after Edward criticizes him may be a sign that he DOES care and the criticism hit a raw place. But, to be honest, it's not actually in the show. I'm kinda adding interpretation to make it more emotionally IC for Bruce, so I dunno..

But, on the bright side, I LOVED the dynamic Edward had with Waylon :D It was so wholesome. That big softie <3

In the middle of The Riddler: Secrets in the Dark, and oh my GOD Eddie is so freaking well done. He's so entertaining, charming, witty, clever, scarily competent, yet totally ruthless and a bastard. I can't get over how excellent he is.

[scpoversimplified]

SCP 4833 - The Syncope Symphony

a group of people that fuck with memories and reality

[get-your-fuckin-star-bitch]

Once Michael goes full avatar, he actually goes back to looking like himself, at least to himself and Jon. When he looks in the mirror, he just sees his normal reflection.

To everyone who isn’t at least a little eye-aligned, however, he looks like whatever they expect him to look like/be, except when he’s in their peripheral view. When they’re not looking directly at him, he looks completely normal.

His movements are VERY odd-looking, though, if you’re paying attention. Him “walking” doesn’t actually look like walking so much as…. Continuously moving through layers of glass????? Without even moving his feet???????

Like, he might take a step at first, but then suddenly he’s at the other end of the hallway and it looks like he just jumped through every single XY plane (or ZY plane depending on the direction he’s heading in) on his way there in less than a second (I used to use inventor for an engineering class, forgive me).

(I actually miss Inventor, I understood it better than blender 🫠)

So Michael basically bends light to move instead of just walking, now.

And there is no warning. He will just Appear suddenly, do stuff, and then Disappear.

If Tim’s dead I will be sad but if he’s-

Oh ok so Melanie wouldn’t have been the one who came along for the Unknowing. Michael found Gerry’s book/page. Trevor and Julie (Julia????) weren’t there because he and Gertrude never bothered to leave london, oh hey wait that means-

Wait.

That means no c4.

Possibly still destroyed the gorilla taxidermy, but no c4, cause she… didn’t feel the need to take care of the Unknowing.

She made no preparations.

Because she already knew it wouldn’t work.

Because the twisting failed on its own.

She’d stopped making sacrifices.

I completely forgot about that- wait, then- what are they even gonna do??????

ATTACK NIKOLA???????????????????

I mean that would be the most logical conclusion for someone to come to?!?! I assume?!?!?????? I SO want Tim to shoot her. REVENGE!!!!!!!!!

Well ok that wouldn’t work though would it cause

Oh wait they get that statement from that dude who saw someone use a cannon before everything goes down, so they MIGHT be able to figure it out.

What would they do, though- they have nothing that they can use, unless someone knows how to make a really, really big bomb…????

Hjdhdhdhs wait Martin giggled excitedly when they found the C4 in the og canon- I feel like he probably knows how to do some stuff-

WHGHGHH JUST GOT SNUCK UP ON BY A SPIDER IRL

Aaaand now I dunno where it went ok moving locations

Location moved, resuming train of thought-

I lost everything I wrote god dammit I’ll come back to this then I guess

[noyaism]

No Manners

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: enemies/rivals to lovers, public sex, hate sex, heavy degrading, edging, choking, overstim, teasing, size kink, power dynamics, sir!Tsukki, dacryphilia, humiliation, spanking, slapping, exhibitionism, sadism, masochism, dumbification, creampie, this shit is pure filth (let me know if I missed any warnings!)

Song Inspo: No Manners - Superm

If there was anything you prided yourself on, it was being the smartest person in any given room you walked into. School had always come so easily to you, no subject too hard, no concept you wouldn't understand. That was, until you got to college. University was a beast unto its own, and it showed you that maybe the genius you had always believed you possessed could indeed be threatened. 

While you found yourself at the top at almost every single class you took, your economics class was your Achilles heel. It irked you how the information just didn’t seem to mesh with you. It made you feel so inferior, and that wasn’t something you were used to. It also wasn’t something Tsukishima Kei was used to, however, thanks to you he was feeling a new sense of inferiority that was completely foreign to him. He, like you, was used to being at the top of his class, nobody coming close to him academically. Then, he got to university, and unfortunately for him you two shared a major, and took the exact same classes. It was odd enough in the first semester, and when it ended he was so glad to finally get away from you, and to regain his status.

Then the second semester came and once again, you both signed up for the exact same classes. This time was different, though, because finally, Tsukishima held something over you; you couldn’t understand economics to save your life, and it came to Tsukishima as easily as everything else did. 

Understandably, the two of you had developed a bit of a rivalry. It would come around every so often that Tsukki did better than you on a test, scored higher in a lab, and it drove you insane how he would rub it in, so when you did better than him, you did the same. The two of you were starting to hate each other’s guts. However, you were on the verge of failing your economics class, and there wasn’t going to be anyone better to help you study than Tsukishima. When you asked him to help you study he straight up laughed in your face, entertained by the fact you were actually coming to him for help. It was such a stroke to his ego, he couldn’t possibly say no. 

You two scheduled a study session for the following Friday evening. You met in one of the study rooms up on the third floor around five, intending to stay for a couple hours. Tsukishima had arrived a little early, as you walked in you saw him with his notebook and laptop out on the table, writing down some notes. You took a seat next to him, getting yourself ready to begin. As he attempted to explain all these concepts to you; rambling on about monopolies and price ceilings and deficits, none of it was clicking. You asked him to explain things time and time again, and he was getting visibly irritated the more you seemed to not be getting things.

“You agreed to help me study, Tsukishima. You can't go on and complain now that I don’t get it, you knew I didn't.”

“Yeah, I got that part, but I wasn’t expecting you to be this utterly dense.” 

You folded your arms across your chest, letting out a small huff under your breath.

“You're such a dick.” You muttered, not thinking much of the remark. It was an unequivocal fact that anyone who ever came in contact with him had to know, which you yourself already knew quite well, but you hadn't expected him to be this bad personally. You thought since you were undoubtedly better at him in any other subject you would at least be spared of his ill mannered remarks, but it seemed to be the opposite; he'd get on you because you were so much better at him in everything else. It was the one thing he held over you, and he was going to make the absolute most of it. 

“What did you call me?” He asked, snapping his head in your direction. 

“I called you a dick, because you are. I get it, okay? I don’t understand the material, it’s above my intelligence level, I’m the dumbest bitch in the world. Cool, fine, awesome. If tutoring me is that much of a pain I’ll just go, alright? Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

Utterly fed up, you tossed all of your things into your backpack and got up from your seat, starting to storm away. Tsukishima watched you as you went for the door, only momentarily, before getting up and following behind you. You barely got the door unlocked and open before a forceful push of a hand from above shut it, and you turned and looked up at the man, confused as to what it was he was doing.

“We aren’t done studying.”

“Yes we are. I can’t take your shit anymore, I’m done.”

“No, we’re gonna stay here and work on this until you get it,” He lowered himself down to make more direct eye contact with you.

“Got me?” He finished, once the two of you were level. You let out a chuckle, shaking your head a bit. This situation was unbelievable, and he was totally impossible. You weren’t sure how much clearer you could possibly get, but you had no problem reiterating yourself.

“No, I don’t. Makes sense that I don’t, right? ‘Cuz I’m ‘utterly dense’, as you said.”

“And incredibly mouthy, apparently.”

“Only when dealing with assholes like you.” Tsukishima let out a chuckle of his own after that line, straightening himself up and looking down on you once again. You hated when he did that, but it wasn’t like he had much choice, he towered over your much smaller frame. It personified your current situation almost too well. 

“You know, someone should put little girls like you in their place.” He fairly quickly retorted.

“And someone should knock tall elitists like you down a peg.” You scoffed. 

“I’d love to see you try.” Tsukishima took a couple steps back from you after speaking, as if to quite literally challenge you to do something. You weren’t a violent person to say the least, but at that moment you would’ve paid good money to punch the man before you in the face, and it seemed you were going to get the opportunity for free. How could you possibly pass that up?

You dropped your backpack onto the floor, lurching forward at Tsukishima before it even hit the floor. To your utter surprise he caught you before you got too close, his hand wrapped around your neck. It was nowhere near a tight grip, but it left you breathless, and forced you to look up at the blonde. There was this smirk on his face, like you had done exactly what he wanted you to, like he now had you in the palm of his hand. The look in his eye was so devilish, nobody had ever looked at you like that. You almost didn’t know what to make of it, almost.

“Now now, dumb little whores like you don’t get to touch me.” The pure filth that fell from his lips confirmed exactly what you rationalized from his gaze. It was all you needed.

“Fuck me, now.”

Tsukishima needed no further instruction, moving his hand off your throat and down to your thigh, pulling your leg up and prompting you to wrap yourself around him. He caught you midway through your small jump, and in an instant your lips crashed together. You couldn’t shake just how angry he made you, and he couldn’t shake how sexy you looked when you were mad. That little body of yours held so much aggression in it, and since he was more than willing to let out the beast in you, Tsukki was just as willing to tame it.

In fact, he would take great pleasure in doing so.

Tsukki walked back over to the table you two were sat at, placing you down onto the cold, manicured wood. The exchange of your lips was filled to the brim in the most carnal, lustful intent. The two of you fought for dominance with it, neither of you having even the slightest intention of backing down. Tsukishima was already more than frustrated with you, and your attempts to gain control of the situation weren't helping. 

With a swift move he pulled away from the kiss and brought a hand around your neck once again, this time giving it a fairly decent grip. His face looked so calm, like this was nothing he hadn't done before, but his actions told a completely different story. How he managed to keep his expression so composed while taking full control of you made a shiver run down your spine, and the heat between your thighs grow exponentially. 

“Listen; I’m the one in charge here, y/n. What makes you think a tiny, powerless slut like you could ever even attempt to control someone so much bigger, so much stronger than them, hm?” 

“I-I dunno…” You stuttered out, much to Tsukishima’s liking. 

“You don’t know, that's exactly what I thought. Well then, let me teach you where your place is.” While his left hand maintained its place around your throat, his right hand snaked up your thigh and under your skirt, his fingers ghosting over your clothed sex. The faint contact made you whine, you couldn't stand how badly you needed him to touch you. Your eyes pleaded for him to do something, and he basked in the glory of making you so weak so quickly. He then obliged, rubbing small, slow circles onto your clit.

“Your place is right here; being dominated by me. You will feel pleasure only when I allow you to. You will cum only when I allow you to. You will be obedient, and you’ll love every second of it. Am I understood?” 

You nodded your head with what free range of motion you had, your hips bucking in the direction of his fingers, trying to gain more pleasure in the only way you currently could. 

“Use your words, and address me only as sir.” He instructed, moving his fingers away from you. It was bad enough his moves were teasing at best, but denying you of any contact completely was infinitely worse.

“Yes, sir. I understand.” 

Tsukishima let go of your throat, using both hands to undress you, leaving you in nothing but your panties, which were horribly stained with your eagerness. It stroked his ego immensely, looking at the girl who plagued his mind, who made him feel so inferior so many times, naked in front of him, so ready to be ravaged by him. So exposed, so pathetic, but so undeniably sexy. 

He pulled up a chair, taking a seat in between your legs. His fingers danced over the skin of your inner thigh, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. You felt so needy all you could do was whine, not a single beg or plead coming from you. He hooked a finger onto the side of your panties, pulling them over to get a good look at you. Your pussy glistened under the fluorescent lights, coated in wetness you had never experienced before. It was like a work of art for Tsukki, who took a minute to admire the piece before he pulled your underwear off of you entirely. 

He took his left thumb and ran it down the length of your sex, dipping between your folds before coming back up to your clit, finally starting to please you again. A moan slipped from between your lips, filling the quiet of the room. Tsukishima brought two fingers from his opposite hand up to your lips, and without needing instruction you allowed them entry. Your tongue swirled around his digits, a slight hum ringing from your throat as your oral fixation was satisfied. 

His fingers left your mouth with a small pop, and they were brought down to your core. They prodded at your entrance, teasing you by the anticipation of entry. You wanted it, wanted it so bad it was much more a need, and at that point you weren’t too proud to beg for it. Just as your lips parted Tsukishima pushed them into you, a whine coming from you instead. You fell back onto the table, your back arching off the wood as his fingers worked wonders unknown on you. With an upward curl he brushed up against your g-spot, your hips bucking upward in response. The pads of his fingers massaged the rough patch of flesh momentarily, making your legs shake as helpless little curses fell from your lips.

As he began pumping his fingers again he also sped up the rate at which his thumb circled your clit, and it became quite clear to Tsukki that your orgasm was approaching, and was doing so fast. You could feel the knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter, it was almost unbearable. You heard his voice say something, but your head was spinning you could barely make it out.

“Answer me, slut. I’m not repeating myself.” Was all you could make out, but considering you didn’t know the question, it was an impossible feat. Just as your orgasm was about to arrive Tsukishima removed his fingers from you, his thumb ceased all movement, and you were left with a ruined orgasm and your hips bucking into the air.

“You’re not cumming until you can answer one of my questions correctly. That should be good enough incentive for a stupid, needy little bitch like you, right?” You propped yourself up on your arms, looking at Tsukishima in utter bewilderment. You couldn’t believe what he was saying, or that he was going to make you answer questions in order to cum, but you had to admit he wasn’t wrong. It was a pretty good incentive.

“Y-yes sir.” 

With a quick smirk Tsukki sank his head down between your thighs, his tongue dipping into your pussy, savoring your delectably sweet taste. His his hands held the backs of your thighs, giving himself unrestricted access to your sex. His tongue flicked over your clit every so often before lapping up your juices again, until he finally gave the bud uninterrupted attention. His lips latched around it, starting to suck as his fingers entered you once more. Your back arched sharply, and your hands moved to tangle into his hair, tugging on the blonde strands. Before you could even process what it was you had done, Tsukishima was hovering above you, slapping your cheek before taking a rough hold of your chin.

“I told you not to touch me, did I not?” You nodded your head frantically,

“You d-did, sir. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you will be. Off the table.” 

You followed your instructions, and as soon as your feet hit the ground Tsukishima pulled you onto your knees, and held your chin in his hand once again, forcing you to look up at him.

“I don't think I need to tell you what to do here, do I?” You shook your head lightly, your eyes full of wonder as you looked at him. 

“No, sir.”

“Good, then show me that you're actually good at something.”

You shimmied in between Tsukishima’s legs, frantic hands fiddling with his belt as you tried to get his pants off as quickly as possible. You didn't know what was causing you to be so eager, but something in you urged you to act as quickly as possible. As you pulled his pants and boxers down his erection sprang free, the pure size of him catching you off guard. You were no inexperienced woman, this wasn't your first time seeing a penis, but you had yet to deal with anyone of his size. It was a bit intimidating, if you were to be completely honest. 

As you were told, you weren't allowed to actually touch him. You presumed if you used your hands at all it wasn't going to end well for you, but to that you could fairly easily oldige. You licked a long stripe from the base of his length up to his tip, your tongue pressing along a vein that ran that same course. You circled his tip before sucking on it, letting out a satisfied moan around him as his precum leaked out onto your tastebuds. 

You started to take him further into your mouth, each bob of your head adding another inch until you had all of him. Your eyes watered as you felt him in the back of your throat, and you gasped as you came up for air. Tsukishima looked down at you, smirking as he saw a tear run down your cheek.

“You should do more of that.”

“More of what?” You asked, tilting your head in confusion.

“Crying for me.” 

Tsukki took hold of your hair, forcing his cock into your mouth and once again making you take the entirety of him. He held you there, letting out a groan as you choked around him. He brought you up for air and marveled at the tears running down your face, and the desperate look in your eyes. It was art for him and him alone to scrutinize, and he was most certainly a fan of the piece. Before you could fully focus your attention he was in your mouth again, his hips pushing up off the chair as he fucked your face. You gagged around his length, the sounds remarkably gratifying for Tsukishima to hear. 

He brought you back up for air one final time, holding your head up so the two of you made eye contact. He chuckled at you, admiring your current state. Spit dribbled from the sides of your mouth, tears spilled out of your eyes, and you were perilously trying to catch your breath.

“Messy little girl. You're looking more and more like the stupid little slut I've always known you are. Cmon, say it for me, tell me you're a stupid little slut.” 

As if his words weren't degrading enough, this request was surely the icing on the cake, the cherry on top of the sundae. He had you exactly where he wanted you, powerless and obedient. Just a small little toy for him to play with how he pleased. He wasn't satisfied with your lack of obedience, and slapped your cheek once again, roughly grabbing your face after.

“I wasn't giving you an option. Say it.” He demanded.

“I-I’m a stupid little slut.” You complied, your voice barely above a whisper.

“I can't fucking hear you.”

“I’m a stupid little slut!” You repeated, much louder this time. Tsukishima let out a satisfied chuckle, nodding his head. 

“That's right, and who's stupid little slut are you?” 

“Y-your stupid little slut, sir.”

“That’s right.”

Tsukishima pulled you up off the floor, laying you out on the table. He pulled his shirt off, your eyes combing over every little detail of him. You knew on top of being a student he played volleyball, so he had to be fairly muscular, but you weren't expecting what you got. He had a body even Odysseus would be jealous of, making you the ever loyal Penelope.

Tsukki lubed himself up with your wetness, as you were far from falling short of it. No man was ever this rough with you, ever this dominant. It turned you on more than you would like to admit, but there was no need to with Tsukishima. He could tell from the look in your eyes, the tone of your voice, the way your hips slightly bucked as you sucked him off. 

Without warning his tip began to prod at your entrance before starting to slip in. It was no easy feat, though. You were incredibly tight, and even then you hadn't taken anything even close to Tsukishima’s size. He took things slow, watching as every inch of him stretched you further. You whimpered at the sensation, it was intoxicating beyond what your words could even describe. A groan slipped between his lips as he bottomed out, light curses following it. The way you tightened around him made it so hard for him to control himself, but he knew you needed a moment, and he wasn't trying to hurt you.

Not at the moment, at least.

You nodded your head lightly as you felt adjusted, giving him free reign over your body once again. Tsukki grabbed your hands, pinning them above your head before he began to move. He slowly started to pull out, and with a sudden snap you were once again taking all of him, a soft scream coming from you. He did this a couple times, watching how your body jolted. Feeling how your thighs tensed up next to him. Each of these thrusts hit your cervix, sending you reeling each time. 

He picked up the pace, starting to pound into you at a relentless pace. You wrapped your legs around his waist, keeping him close and forcing him to go as deep in you as possible. Tsukishima brought one of his hands down to wrap around your neck, the other still holding your wrists in place. He gave the sides of your neck a squeeze, the lack of circulation rushing toward you just as he hit you with a particularly hard thrust. A light scream fell from your lips, the pleasure in that moment so crazily overwhelming. This routine continued; harder thrusts while he actively choked you, very slightly less hard ones as he gave you a moment to breathe correctly, all the while denying you of your high.

“You better not cum, slut.” He warned as he felt you once again starting to get just a bit too tight around him.

“W-wanna cum....so bad.” You weakly replied, tears welling in your eyes as you spoke. Once again, just as you were on the precipice of release, Tsukishima denied you again, pulling out and leaving you empty. Tears fell from your eyes as you uselessly whimpered and protested, all of it only earning you another slap to your cheek.

“Really thought I’d let you, huh? Dumb little bitch.” He said as he turned you over onto your stomach. He filled you up again, but before he moved any further he began raining spank after spank onto your ass. You could only assume it was punishment, but it felt far from it. The pain was nothing but masochistic pleasure for you, and sadistic pleasure for him. Each stung more than the last, and thus each felt even better than the last.

Your senses were so overloaded as he started to thrust into you again that your brain had turned to utter mush. Coherent thought was so far behind you it was like it was never something you could’ve done in the first place. The only thing you could process was pleasure, and to enhance it you lifted one of your legs back up onto the table, the other continuing to stay hanging over to keep yourself up. This new angle let Tsukishima hit sinfully deep in you once again, adding to the utter brainrot you were experiencing. Words no longer were an option for you, only whines and whimpers, a stray profanity at the very best.

Tsukishima grabbed a fistful of your hair, picking your head up off the table. He made you look in the direction of the door, bending down to speak into your ear.

“Look, you left the door unlocked. Someone could come in at any moment and watch you getting fucked like the little whore you are. But I’m sure you'd like it if someone saw us, wouldn't you?” 

You couldn't bring yourself to form any sort of coherent response, and Tsukki very well knew that. He chuckled at your attempt to reply, which was just a rhythmic whine as if you were trying to get some words out.  

“You're not very quiet, either. Stupid sluts like you like having everyone know how good they feel, don't they? I’m sure someone's come by to spy in, hearing how utterly pathetic you sound.” 

His words only made you whine and whimper more, your head in an absolute daze from the sheer amount of pleasure you felt. Tsukki let go of your hair and your head fell down, and you got a good look at yourself in the mirrored wood table. Your mouth was hanging open, your hair a tangled mess and drool slipping from the corner of your parted lips. He had fucked you so past dumb you didn't even know you could be this far gone, and all the while you still had no clue if you would be allowed to cum.

Your hips pushed back against his, meeting every one of his thrusts and forcing him deeper. Each time he re-entered his tip made quick contact with your cervix, the repeated feeling driving you absolutely crazy. Your eyes rolled back as you let yourself fall onto the wood once again. You took everything he gave you, all the while holding your orgasm back. Each time he felt you were a little too close he pulled out, you couldn't even count how many times you'd been denied release, you were sure the number was shameful. You could tell this was getting harder on Tsukishima as well, the twitching and pulsating of his cock inside you letting you know he was having trouble holding back as well. 

You saw no use in begging at this point, and you couldn't have mustered the words for it even if you wanted to. You simply whined and whimpered with every thrust, your body jolting forward each time. Tsukki held on tight to your hips, keeping you in place as he pounded mercilessly into you. In your daze all your senses had dulled, but you could hear just enough for Tsukishima's next four words to be heard, almost as clear as day. 

“Cum. Do it now.” 

In an instant you finally let yourself topple over the edge. Your voice was so hoarse you couldn't scream, rather you let out something between an incredibly loud moan and a whimper, your back arching and your legs shaking vigorously. Tears spilled from your eyes as your body was overrun by an orgasm unlike any other you had experienced. The feeling was only intensified by Tsukishima cumming inside you, depositing a sizable load inside of you. Your vision was blurry and a little white around the edges, and your chest heaved as you let out shallow breaths. Soreness set into your body as you took time to regain yourself, almost ten minutes passing before either of you even thought to move. 

Tsukki pulled out of you slowly, admiring how fucked out you looked, your small body sprawled out on the table. He figured moving would be hard for you, so he gently let your leg down and peeled you off the table, sitting down in the chair behind him and sitting you on his lap. Your head fell on his shoulder, your eyes still a little glazed over, but for the most part it seemed you had come to. 

“Are you feeling okay?” You nodded your head lightly, your breath finally leveling out. Your throat was pretty scratchy, and you knew your voice would be raspy, so you just didn't bother speaking yet.

“What have you learned today, then?” 

“A good couple things.” You croaked out, wiping a stray tear from your cheek. 

“Oh really? Enlighten me.”

“Well, I learned that economics is just something I'm never really going to understand. I also learned that you are a complete and utter asshole, even worse than I thought. Finally, I learned that you are a way more experienced man than I thought you were, and maybe I don't hate you as much as I was letting on.” 

Tsukishima laughed out lightly, giving you a bit of an approving nod.

“Good, I’m glad I at least taught you something. Maybe not what I originally intended, but learning is learning. I think with a couple more study sessions you’ll start to understand the econ material, though.” 

You didn't say this out loud, but the thought of getting to spend some more alone time with Tsukishima actually wasn't the most terrible thought in the world. It seemed clear enough to you that the resentment between you two was clearly something much, much different than that, and so you were open to the thought of exploring what it actually was. Maybe not in as much of an erotic way as you just had next time. Not that you would've minded if it escalated to that point. 

Although, you thought, if Tsukki was going to fuck you like that every time, brainrot from class material was going to be the least of your worries. 

The both of you made yourselves presentable again, packing up all your belongings and leaving the room clean before walking out, which you did fairly slowly due to how sore your legs were. You both walked through the library, which was overwhelmingly empty besides a few staff members working hard at hardly working. It was to be expected; it was a Friday night and you were the only two in the world who'd pick studying over any other activity. You stopped just outside the entrance, turning to your side and giving Tsukishima a wave.

“I guess I’ll catch you later then, Tsukishima.” 

“Oh, so no thank you for helping you study? I guess the one thing I didn't teach you was manners, huh y/n?” You chuckled at his comment, shaking your head a bit.

“Guess you didn’t. It’ll have to wait until next time.” You turned on your heel and started in the direction of the train. Before you could get far Tsukki grabbed your arm and pulled you back over to him, holding your chin so softly with his other hand, the action so outrageously condescending.

“Oh no, I’ll gladly teach you right now.”

[five-rivers]

Changeling Chapter 1

A DP Fae Au fic. I've been promising you this for so long XD. I can hardly believe I'm finally delivering, even if it's only one chapter for now.

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Chapter 1: In the Beginning, There Was an Offer

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They studied legends. According to those legends, today, Beltane, was a time of renewal, of birth, of fertility.

It was not supposed to be… this. Their dreams weren’t supposed to be crushed today. Not under this sun, not under these blue skies and among softly blooming flowers.

This kind of news should have come with rain. It should have come with storms.

Maddie wiped tears out of her eyes and Jack patted her on the back. The air smelled sweet and dusty at the same time. The bench was uncomfortable.

“We could try adoption,” said Jack. He sounded shocked, too. Drained. His voice was pulled taught over a great hollowness. “Lots of people adopt. We can- can do some good in the world, maybe.”

Maddie sniffed and cried harder. She’d wanted her own children, and Jack knew it. Adoption was all very well and good, but at this point the suggestion felt like some consolation prize, and she felt terrible for even thinking it was, because Jack was right, it could be a good thing, and…

She wanted children. Her own children.

“Excuse me, I believe I can help.”

There was something about how he said that, about how the voice wound and slipped through her ears that had Maddie’s head snapping up. The man who stood to the side of the bench wore a long coat with a deep hood. Symbols, symbols that Maddie had spent hours, days, weeks, researching were stitched into the fabric. His eyes glittered in the shadows. The fingers of his hands, clasped in front of him, were too long, their coloring faintly lavender, as if they had been dipped in ink and retained the stain even after they’d been washed clean.

This was not a human.

“How?” asked Maddie, feeling hope drip back into her limbs even as Jack tensed behind her. “How can you help?”

.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” said Jack as they drove home. “We really shouldn’t have done that. Maddie, they’re evil, there’s always a catch and it’ll always be looking for a way to push us into it.”

“The catch is in the open,” said Maddie, leaning back against the seat of the car and closing her eyes. “It isn’t as if it’s in the fine print and we’re going to stumble into it. We have one, and then I get my tubes tied, or you get snipped, and we go on with our lives.”

“What if we have twins? Triplets? Maddie, we should have talked about this.”

“There wasn’t any time,” Maddie said defensively. “I had to decide right away.”

“What are we going to do if we have twins, Maddie?”

Maddie bit her lip, her eyes opening without her full permission as she thought. “We know how to deal with things like him.”

The car jerked just a little to the right as Jack failed to suppress his flinch. “Do you remember our work on motivations? On why they take artists, musicians, children?” he asked. He forged on without waiting for an answer. “Creative sterility, we called it. For this one to be able to cure sterility, he has to be powerful. I don’t think nails in pockets and inside-out clothing is going to stop him.”

Such protections were hit and miss to begin with. One faerie might hate bread, another might love it. The sound of bells would drive off one, and another would wear them in their hair. Even cold iron was no guarantee against them.

“We’ll have to find something better, then,” she said, firmly.

.

Maddie laughed. Not a twin. A single child showed on the ultrasound monitor. A girl. A beautiful baby girl. Perfect.

On the other side of the bed, Jack sunk into a chair, obviously relieved. “She’s healthy?” he asked the OB/GYN.

“Completely,” she said. “This is quite the miracle the two of you put together here.” She shook her head. “We must have gotten something wrong during our examination. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am to have put you through all that, and I won’t blame you if you wanted to find a new doctor.”

“It’s fine,” said Maddie, patting the woman’s arm. “It happens.” Yes, being approached by a powerful fae just ‘happened.’ “The important thing now is to make sure there aren’t any complications.”

.

They made sure Jazz was born on a Sunday, with two middle names, one of which Maddie made sure to forget. They scheduled her baptism for as early a date as possible, even though both Jack and Maddie were as lapsed as it was possible to be.

Precautions.

Jack had his surgery only a month later.

They were safe. They had won.

The family of three snuggled together on the couch. Well, Jazz snuggled inasmuch as a newborn was able. They watched TV.

“Jack, dear,” said Maddie, roused to awareness by a news story about a rising young businessman. “Is that our Vlad?”

Jack blinked at the screen. “I think you’re right,” said Jack. “I haven’t seen him since college. I don’t think we’ve talked to him since college.” He frowned. “Did something happen? The three of us used to be so close… He was the only one in the whole folklore department that would put up with our theories, do you remember?”

“I don’t know,” said Maddie, trying to remember. “It was like he was there one day, gone the next.”

“Do you think he’ll mind us getting back in touch?”

“Only one way to find out.”

.

(As it turned out, Vlad did not particularly care to get back in touch.)

.

Jazz was not a normal child.

She saw too much. She understood too much. Her teeth grew in early. She learned how to get the milk out of the fridge at about the same time she learned how to walk. Her eyes were too large, even for her age. She didn’t start talking until she was almost two, and when she did, it was in complete sentences. She took to responsibility like a duck to water. No, she demanded responsibility, from waking up the family in the morning to answering the door. She loved rules and games, and the rules of games.

But they had never raised a child before. Perhaps this was simply how they were. Perhaps this was within the expected variety of humanity.

Most importantly, Jazz was theirs. Completely.

.

Maddie was not terribly concerned when her period missed a few days, or even when it was late by a week. But when it started pushing two…

She bought a test.

It came back positive.

.

Danny’s birth was different from Jazz’s in almost every particular. Instead of being infused with a sense of joy, proceedings were overshadowed by dread. Jazz had been born in a hospital. Danny would be born at home, behind every ward and protection Jack and Maddie could conceive of. The midwife they hired was more than used to odd belief systems and threw a few of her own traditions in as well.

It couldn’t hurt.

.

It didn’t help.

After the birth, Maddie held Danny in her arms. He’d been born in a caul, which had been slightly alarming, even though Maddie had known that it was a thing that happened regularly, and that, by most accounts, it was lucky.

He was such a tiny little thing. Smaller than Jazz. Which made sense, he was a little premature.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” she promised him, whispering into the silky, wispy curls on top of his head.

Someone knocked on the door. Maddie jerked her head up, even though the front door wasn’t at all visible from the basement. Jack flinched hard enough to drop the towels he was holding. The midwife froze.

“Hospitality,” croaked Maddie. Those rules were always humanity’s first defense against the uncanny. Don’t want something in your house? In your life? Don’t invite it in.

Although, she had arguably already invited in the fae they were worried about. Hence all the other contingencies.

The knock came again. And again, louder.

Jack let out a sigh of relief. “It can’t get in,” he murmured. Then he smiled, broad and bright. “We just have to wait it out.”

Maddie nodded, tears in her eyes. The knocking continued. This was far from ideal, obviously, but she’d been half expecting the fae to simply rip through the wards like tissue paper.

Perhaps the theory that more powerful fae were more bound by custom, more vulnerable to their weaknesses, held water? She and Jack had always dismissed it as fanciful, but they’d never been able to gather evidence before.

Then, a sound that made her heart stop.

“I’ll get it!” called Jazz, childish voice muffled by distance and the obstacle of the floors above. She’d been told not to answer the door when Danny was being born, to wait patiently in her room, but for all her unusual maturity, she was only three.

Faster than she’d ever seen him move, Jack bolted for the stairs, pushing aside several pieces of furniture and medical equipment in his haste. He took the stairs four at a time and nearly taking the door off the hinges.

He wasn’t fast enough.

“Who are you, mister?”

“Me?” said a voice Maddie had prayed against ever hearing again. “I am your uncle, my dear. Did your parents not tell you about me?”

.

Jazz tipped her head to one side and stared up at the man, making her eyes extra big. She knew it made a lot of people uncomfortable when she looked at them like that, so she treated it as a kind of test.

The man smiled, kind and patient. He was kind of funny looking, but in a good way.

“No,” she said finally. “Are you Mommy’s brother or Daddy’s brother?”

“Ah, you already know about uncles, then. I was worried I’d have to explain. May I come in? I would like to greet your little brother, as your parents promised I could. I have gifts for both of you.”

Jazz liked gifts. “Okay,” she said. “But I dunno if Danny’s been born yet. Mommy said it can take a while. And I dunno if he can have gifts, yet. He’s gonna be really little. That’s what all my books say, and also the internet.”

“Jazz! Don’t!”

Jazz turned to see her Daddy skid around the corner, just as her uncle stepped across the threshold.

“Not quite on time, I fear,” said uncle. “Young Jazz has already let me in.” He patted Jazz on the head. She ducked away and stuck her tongue out, like she always did when Daddy did that. “Having greeted my niece, I would like to see my nephew.”

.

The fae did walk past the rest of the wards as if they weren’t even there. It didn’t even break them, just ignored them. Some of them he even commented on, as if approving.

He gazed down at Danny with his otherworldly eyes. The midwife had retreated to the corner of the room, refusing to look at what was happening. Jack had attempted to attack the fae with his bare hands, only to be pushed away with something approaching gentleness by an invisible wall. Maddie didn’t know where Jazz was. Upstairs, somewhere, hopefully.

“So beautiful,” the fae said, brushing Danny’s forehead with his off-color fingers. Faster than Maddie could react, he had a pair of scissors in his hand and was cutting off a lock of hair. “A lovely child.” The lock of Danny’s hair disappeared into the fae’s coat.

If Maddie didn’t know better, she’d call the expression on the fae’s face love. But she did know better. Love was as incomprehensible to the fae as fae laws were to humans, so she’d call it by its true name: avarice.

She tightened her grip on Danny, as if she could keep the fae from plucking him from her arms.

“Not now,” said the fae, after another moment. “Soon, I should think.” It ran a hand over Danny’s head. “Soon.” The fae looked up, meeting Maddie’s eyes. “I will return,” he said, “in one year.”

“For what?” demanded Maddie, unwilling to get her hopes up.

The fae blinked slowly. “For his birthday.” He tilted his head. “To determine whether or not he is ready. Perhaps, also, to visit my niece.”

“You stay away from Jazz!” snarled Maddie. “You have no claim on her.”

The fae merely shrugged, then smiled, slyly. “She does, however, have a claim on me. I promised her gifts, before your husband whisked her away.”

“Gifts,” repeated Maddie, hoarsely.

“For the sister of my child, yes,” said the fae, voice and face as calm and even as ever. “Would you ask me to forswear myself?”

“Then,” said Maddie, “you can leave them here, with us.”

“You will give them to her?”

“Yes,” said Maddie, through her teeth. She did not say how long she would let Jazz be in the presence of these ‘gifts.’

“Very well, then,” said the fae, pulling a number of boxes out from beneath his coat. “One year. Be prepared.”

And, with that, the fae faded from view, as if he had been an illusion all along.

Danny was still with them. Their son was still with them. Still theirs.

“One year,” she said, breathless. “Only one year.”

“One whole year,” corrected Jack, rushing to her side. “You’ll see, Maddie. Next time, that fae won’t know what hit him!”

“One whole year,” echoed Maddie, weakly.

“One year to prepare,” said Jack. “Look what we did with half that time! We’re Fentons! We can do it!”

“We can do it,” breathed Maddie. “One year. We’ll be ready.”

Jack nodded, firmly. “We’ll be ready.”

[elias-code]

Two Left Hooves [1/7]

Choose your own adventure ~ "Intro"

Characters: Technoblade x gn!reader, Philza, Eret

Summary: This is a choose-your-own-adventure!! You met Techno through Phil, helping him get rid of his headache after hibernation. He was immediately infatuated with you. Techno invites you to go to Eret's banquet. When you arrive to prepare for the banquet, he tells you that he will only sleep in his room with you if you wanted, now you get to choose if you want to sleep with him or not…

Warnings: Cussing

--- Phil ---

“Hey, Techno,” I peeked my head around the corner, holding the letter behind my back away from his line of sight.

“Hullo,” He turned to me, hands still in his hair, pin sticking out of his mouth. He was braiding his pink hair, unaware that his worst nightmare was about to come true. “So, mate,” I walked in, hands still behind my back, “I got some mail.”

“Mhm,”

“You remember the egg?”

“Yeah, what about it?” He turned back to the mirror, inspecting the last loop he’d made.

“Eret is hosting another banquet,”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, you’re invited,” his face in the mirror went pale, “since you’re the one who yeeted it.”

Techno paused, unmoving. Slowly, he tied the ribbon at the bottom of the braid, securing it with the pin. He made eye contact with me, his eyes were begging me to yell psych! and run out the door. Instead, I held the opened letter, once hidden behind me, up in the air, presenting it to him.

“Phil…”

“Yeah?” I laughed, this was the most scared I’ve ever seen him.

“You’re joking, right?”

“Nope, look.” I shook it at him, flipping it over to show Eret’s handwriting: To Technoblade and Philza Minecraft.

He shuddered slightly, finally turning to me and taking the letter from my hands. It read:

Technoblade and Philza,

This may seem strange and menacing, but I promise it’s not. Ever since the red banquet disaster, I’ve been thinking about how much I think the people of this server need a pick-me-up. We needed a re-do.

So, I’ve decided to host a banquet, this time out in the open with no bullshit. There’ll be drinks, games, and dancing, and I want you to be there. Since you had a lot to do with the egg’s eventual downfall, I personally think you need to be there, Technoblade.

I’ll tell you what I’ve told everyone else. There’s a plus-one requirement for safety reasons (buddy system), and so I’ve addressed this to both of you. I look forward to your attendance! I suggest wearing something else since I don’t want anyone having flashbacks when they see your royal gown.

On the back of the card, Eret wrote the coordinates and information about the dress code. The card had gold decorations on the edges, curling and twisting like vines, dotted with golden roses complete with thorns. The dress code specified that the suggested colours were black, white, blue, and gold, hence the bordering roses.

“Do you own anything you think you could wear?” I asked as he handed the card back to me.

“I still have the Arctic coat, but if this is anywhere near L’Manburg, it’s gonna be too hot for that.”

“Right, I might have to make something for you then,”

“Alright,” He hesitated, “Do I have to go? That’s a lot of enemies in one place…”

“Yeah, sorry mate, you have to go.” I put the card back into the envelope, closing and pocketing it. “Oh, wait, one thing Techno,”

“There’s more?”

“Um, I can’t go.”

“What?” “I can’t go to the banquet,” I was lying, but he didn’t need to know that, “I’m supposed to be at the ocean monument that day.”

“And your fishing can’t wait?” He raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. “Who am I supposed to bring?”

“I dunno, mate,” I shrugged and clicked my heel against the floor, “Maybe you can bring that bird I introduced you to… if you can find them.”

— Techno —

“Phil, who’s this?” I had walked into the kitchen, half-dressed. I was not expecting to see someone else sitting at the table. They looked at me, smiling and waving.

“Oh hello sleepyhead,” Phil remarked, stirring the rabbit stew that hung over the fireplace, “I dunno, they don’t seem to have a name.”

“Hello!” I looked back at them. They were dressed in forest green pants, tucked into black boots lined by silver buttons with fancy engravings, laced in leather strips, looped and tied at the top of the boot. Their top was one of mine, an old long-sleeved white cotton top Phil had probably found in the back of the closet. They had a golden-yellow scarf slung over their shoulders. I waved awkwardly, still half asleep.

“You don’t have a name?” I asked, still confused.

“Uh, I guess not. Phil’s the only person I’ve seen in a while.” They said, pointing at him. He was closing the white under-curtains, almost like he was avoiding the interaction.

“Then what do I call you?”

“Phil’s been calling me the bird.”

“Bird, huh?”

“He says it's because I’m migrating.”

That was strange enough as it was, and I decided to leave it there. Talking was making my headache worse, so I walked over to the stew, immediately recognizing the smell of carrots, potatoes, and chicken over the rabbit smell. My stomach grumbled, attempting to convince me to shove my face into the pot and gorge myself, but I pulled back.

“Is it ready yet, Phi?” I asked.

“No, it still has a couple of minutes, don’t go touching it yet. We should all eat together.”

I could wait a bit longer, I supposed. The smell was enticing, but my attention still lingered on the “bird” sitting at the table, reading a book. I sat down at the table and thumped my head onto it, only to make my headache worse.

“Ughhhh,” I groaned.

“You ok?” The bird asked.

“Headache,”

“Ah, I have something for that!” They picked up a bag from the floor and rummaged around in it for a bit before pulling out a small vial of green liquid. They uncorked it and an overwhelming spinach smell washed over me. “It might smell odd, but it works wonders.”

I lifted my head off the table and took the vial from them, inspecting it.

“Is this thing safe to drink?” I furrowed my eyebrows at them, looking for dishonesty.

They snatched it from me and took a swig, swiftly handing it back to me. “Take that as a yes.” They said.

— The Bird —

I knocked on the door, shivering slightly in the cold. I wore three layers, an undershirt, a turtleneck, and a thick coat. I got a letter a couple of days ago from Technoblade, asking me to go to the banquet with him and inviting me to stay at his cabin before the banquet. I accepted and sent the letter the same day since I knew the mail was slow. Just one day later, I hopped on my horse and made my way to the far arctic.

Techno opened the door and ushered me inside, shutting the door behind me.

“Jesus, you’re shivering,” he said, grabbing his cape off its stand and wrapping me with it. Thankfully, my face was already red enough from the cold that he didn’t notice me blush.

“Is your horse outside?”

“Yeah, I tied her up to the post,” I pulled the enormous cloak tighter to me, “but I don’t think she should stay there for long, it's too cold.”

“Alright, I’ll be right back.” He said, turning from me and walking out the door. The sudden freezing breeze pushed me into the living room, near the fire. I sat down in an armchair and Steve wandered over to say hello.

“Hey, Steve…” I offered my hand to him and he sniffed it, grunting in my face with his fishy breath, “You do not smell good, big boy…”

He huffed like he understood what I said and I chuckled. He sat at my feet as I scratched his head. “At least you’re soft, Steve.” You smiled, “Good boy…”

The door opened and slammed again, Techno walked over dusting his hands off and Steve lumbered over to greet him.

“Hello Steve, you’ve inspected them, yeah?” He baby talked at him. The polar bear was big, almost as tall as Techno standing on all fours. It was strange to see such a big man 'baby talk' an apex predator, so you laughed a bit to yourself.

“What?” He asked, patting Steve on the head.

“Nothing, you’re just being cute.”

He smiled and sat himself down on the couch, crossing his legs and looking at you.

“If I’d left you out there any longer, you would have gotten frostbite,”

You realized you were still shivering in his cloak, “Yeah, thanks for not letting me die out there, and for the cape,”

“If I’d let you die, I wouldn’t have a date for the banquet.”

“Ooh, I’m a date now, am I?” I teased.

He blushed and looked away, still smiling.

“I suppose so,” he whispered.

He stood and offered a hand to me. I took it and stood, following him upstairs to his room, the only bedroom in the house. The room had recently been tidied, the paintings on the wall included snowy landscapes and one of a wither. The curtains were open, the night sky illuminating the room. The moonlight made everything a pale blue, almost making Techno’s hair purple.

“I don’t have anywhere else for you to stay right now unless you want to sleep on the couch.”

“Are you also sleeping here?”

“Only if you’re ok with it,” He said, kneeling by the fireplace and setting logs on the grate.

Would he really? He seems so shy…

— Technoblade —

I could feel my blood rush to my face as they asked if I’d sleep with them. I turned to the fireplace and lit the fire, trying to hide my embarrassment.

“Only if you’re ok with it,” I said.

They paused and my heartbeat harder, unsure what they were going to say. I started preparing the fire, putting the hesitation out of my mind.

////////UNDER CONSTRUCTION BRRRRRRRRR (2/3 complete)///////

Do you allow him to sleep with you?

Yes, tell him you’re going to be cold and need the body heat. (NSFW)

Ask where he wants to sleep. (Fluff)

No, respectfully suggest he sleep on the couch. (SFW)