#this one is like. real life consequences.

[yogsandchaos]

Been a bit and definitely nothing has happened so I'm gonna...

7. Mental health should be taken seriously, but be wary of when it's used to distract from real issues. The fact someone did a bad thing should not be forgotten even if the results have hurt them. Instead facts like "no one deserves an internet witch hunt and death threats" along with "even still you did a really bad thing" can and should both be taken equally. At the same time though, give people at least some grace when it's brought up and don't immediately assume it's a distraction. It very likely feels important to the person bringing it up and like it's worth mentioning especially when in those headspaces. TLDR Don't be guilted, don't let guilting go unchecked, but don't inherently assume guilting was intentional and not just a poor decision made earnestly

8. People are inherently biased towards their own favor and view of events. If someone genuinely believes themselves to not have done something wrong, insisting on that is not gaslighting or anything, it's simply a different perception. Someone can be wrong without doing it on purpose, in fact this can be rather common. Don't take defensiveness and reframing as a sign of guilt, that's just how humans work.

9. Everyone involved has more information then you, random person on tumblr, it's good to get both sides, but do not presume you know everything, no one is ever 100% completely right about everything on a developing situation. You do not know these people's, you do not know the full extent of whats going on, they are not your friends. I understand the defensiveness, but you gotta remember this isn't your beef. Form your own opinion yes, but be aware that facts can change and that the truth is usually a bit more complicated then you might hope.

10. Cancel Culture is much more complex then just "100% good" or "100% bad" it's a hard to control tool that can have severe consequences, but like all tools it depends on the use and applications. Be careful on how you use it, and be understanding when people speak out about how dangerous and potentially life threatening it can be. Don't feed flames that don't need to be fed and especially don't misuse it as an excuse to be vicious towards whoever is on the weekly chopping block.

11. People can be wrong and support someone they shouldn't, this isn't a reason to immediately condemn them and cut them away as helpless, but a reason to learn more about why and their own opinions. It's an invitation for discussion, not an immediately burned bridge. Nuance good! Especially don't expect people to immediately cut off people they were close friends with for long periods of time, even if it turns out they were wrong about them, people wanna defend their friends and family, especially with how violent cancel culture can get.

12. The best thing you can do about an unfolding situation like this is to let the actual people involved settle things and do the arguing and fighting and stuff, and to simply stay somewhat informed and double checking that the information is correct. Like, make memes and jokes, but don't take it upon yourself to try and get actually involved, you'll just make things messier and more confusing with how fast disinformation can spread. Screenshots can be faked, deepfaking is a lot easier these days, I'm not saying to not believe everything ever, just, remember to further check things.

13. SENDING DEATH THREATS IS ILLEGAL, DO NOT SEND THREATS, YOU'RE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE IF YOU SEND ANYONE DEATH THREATS OR JUST THREATS, ESPECIALLY IF THEY ALREADY HAVE LAWYERS INVOLVED IM CHOOSING TO BELIEVE MOST PEOPLE WOULD NOT DO THIS, BUT FOR THAT LIKE 2% THINKING ABOUT HOW FUNNY IT WOULD BE, YOU CAN GET IN A LOT OF TROUBLE DO N O T .

14. Don't call people narcissists or psycho, or anything, I know that's asking a lot, but at least try not to be ableist about this. The word you want is not narcissist, it's "manipulator." It's scummy to immediately assume anyone who does anything bad has to have "bad person disorder" something that does not, and never has existed.

15. Remember people who hurt others or do bad things are very rarely giant supervillains pulling the strings with dozens of scripts and plans to manipulate and twist everything. They're just a person, a person likely with some sense of entitlement. That's it. You don't gotta be a smart Machiavellian master villain to hurt someone or do something scummy. You just have to feel like you're owed something, you have been wronged somehow, or that you are an exception to something. Anyone can do that. It's basically never a big grand chessmaster plan, it's just a person who likely genuinely does not believe they did do anything wrong, or that whatever wrong they did wasn't actually what people are taking it as.

16. Continue to be nice and patient! Just, be nice, I cannot stress enough how much being nice and patient can make things easier to deal with when it comes to discourse. Like, do it for your own sanity at least, don't get in fights, or yell at people, or stay up to 3 am putting up a red string board. Be nice and patient.

17. Almost forgot, but just because one person is worse doesn't mean you shouldn't call out when the other is going too far. You're allowed to go "this person is bad, but i find this reaction or statement about it to be uneasy or uncomfortable" that's allowed, nuance nuance nuance. Someone can do something wrong about or to someone who has done harm, and the fact that they have done harm does not inherently mean you have to turn a blind eye to it.

The hermit community is pretty old so I probably don’t have to say this, but I know a lot of people in the fandom are young; but here’s a few tips from an old school yog fan

1. just because someone has left or did a bad thing, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person for enjoying the content, along with still wanting to watch that old content they did or were a part of

2. Just because someone has left or did a bad thing does not mean you cannot continue to make fan content. While it’s understandable if you don’t make more or remove art you have made, you are also not bad if you don’t. YouTube is all about collaboration and transformation. Fanart? Fanfic? Cosplay? That’s all transformative, you don’t have to stop making a new thing from the old thing. It’s fully in your right to do so, but it’s not required.

3. Do not harass people about whether they do or don’t make art or delete art, it’s transformative works and personal choice, the most you should do is ask for it to be tagged so it can be filtered.

4. Don’t harass the creators either, it’s clearly been handled and handled well. If this was a case of it being ignored for years by the company or group (COUGH SJIN YOGSCAST COUGH) then it would be more complicated, but it’s a solved issue. Don’t harass iskall or stress either

5. You are allowed to hold off on making a value judgment until you have more information. We don’t have a lot of information and things around kids media tend to be a lot more stricter then adults for what’s appropriate. so it could be a lot of different things of highly varying morality ranging from assault to a bad case of public intoxication that didn’t fit the child friendly brand of the Hermits. We don’t know. Especially about Stress her resignation and how it relates is a near total mystery right now.

6. Be kind to each other, and remember the people you watch are people, and people do dumb or fucked shit sometimes, it sucks, but these are just people, hopefully it’s something to be grown from by Iskall and not something life ruining, but let this remind everyone to not put people on pedestals as unproblematic. Every hermit has probably held an opinion or been a part of something you’d find distasteful, that’s just what it means to be human. It’s up to you to decide where your personal line is and your comfort levels on that stuff, and no one can make that choice for you.

[tovibeornottovibe]

Deny! Deny! Deny! - Part II

Azriel x Priestess!Fem!OC

Thea receives a visitor in her office in the library. Azriel has something for her, and catches a break. They keep each other company for a little while. [3.9k words]

warnings: dirty thoughts, sexual fantasy, Thea being a horny mf, very, very implied sexual assault (one insinuation of it and absolutely no descriptors)

Part I

Prefer to read on Ao3?

Training that morning has made Thea sore. Her arms ache and she’s having trouble keeping her legs crossed while she sits on the floor and spreads out every letter Eris has ever sent her in front of her in a semi-circle. She’d use her desk but it’s covered in other books and papers and she doesn’t have the patience to move them. Besides, she works better on the floor. Something about physical grounding. The hard, dark wood of her little office sequestered on the top floor of the library digs into her thighs.

There’s nothing in these letters that Thea hasn’t already logged and told Rhys about. Still, familiarising herself with the way that he writes and what he responds well to is integral for when he replies to the request she sent him yesterday. If he accepts, and he will, he has to, then she’ll suddenly be playing with the Heir to the Autumn Court in real life. On paper, he’s a game. Like a fictional character she can imagine scenarios about and not deal with the consequences if she says something he doesn’t like. Now, the fate of her Court might rest on her getting it right and not pissing him off. Daunting doesn’t really cover it.

Azriel said nothing to her about it at training. Thea’s not sure if they’ve told Cassian and Nesta that Eris will be living in their house for a few days. She’d think that they might be in less of a good mood if they had; Cassian especially. Though he seems a gentle soul, if a little brutal with his exercises, she gets the feeling from Azriel that he’ll be in for a beating when they’re informed of the plan. If the thought of Azriel going at it in the ring with someone who can actually match him stroke for stroke weren’t so appealing, she might have felt bad about being the cause of it. Fortunately, she can save herself the guilt, and indulge.

Later. 

The quiet, strumming music from her symphonia keeps her mind ticking on something other than how Azriel’s throat bobs when he drinks.

Or how he grins and flexes when he takes off his shirt to spar with her.

Or how good it’ll feel when he tenses his fuckable thigh beneath her.

Hm.

She’s had sex since coming to Velaris. Not a lot, but enough so that the thought of it doesn’t make her freeze up like it used to. It wasn’t always good, but she always picked partners who could make her finish, so it stacks up well against the usual experience of casual sex that she’s heard people talk about when she’s people-watching in the cafés along the Sidra. They probably don’t expect anyone will hear them; they give extremely intimate details of their lives and Thea files their experiences away on her list of dos and don’ts. 

Stranger who sells sea urchins to the dockworkers in the mornings can’t get off unless she’s thinking about her ex. Other stranger with the twiggy hair will come every time someone licks the underside of his prick. Barista with red eyes thinks it’s hot when customers exchange sordid anecdotes of what they get up to in bed and think that he can’t hear them. Co-worker keeps looking at Thea’s tongue when she drinks her coffee and licks the rim of the mug to catch the droplets that fall down the side. 

Thea does it slowly on purpose.

Sex with Azriel is pure fantasy and she knows it. She doesn’t know his preferences and will never ask him. What she thinks about when she lets her hand slip under her waistband is based on her own imagination and what she can attribute to him after analysing the little things he says and does around her. The fact that he does the same is a bonus, and makes it so when she comes on her fingers and Az—! is what passes through her lips she doesn’t feel like she’ll be making him uncomfortable. It’s also somewhat satisfying to be the subject of his pleasure. She’s never seen Azriel hard, but she thinks it would probably be the second most memorable moment of her life so far. 

Her attraction to him, and vice-versa, has no conclusion but disappearance. Someday, she’ll be able to look at her friend and not wonder whether or not he’ll let her get on top of him or how he’ll shudder when she gets him to climax just by touching his wings. Their meetings in the training ring in the middle of the night will go from strangely charged to actual exercise. She’ll be able to read filth and not consider if Azriel will do that with her. Repeatedly. While he keeps her groaning muffled with his hand because his family are in the other room.

And someday, he’ll look at her when they finish sparring and not seem like he wants to bite her.

A flush creeps up her neck at the thought.

Catching the words Eris Vanserra signed at the bottom of the letters in front of her cools the heat coiling at the bottom of her stomach almost instantly. Thinking about the way Mor stormed out of the meeting yesterday kills it completely. 

She’s not sure Mor will ever forgive her. It’s funny because she and Mor aren’t friends. They don’t talk aside from when there’s an issue to take note of or a change going on in the library. And yet, Thea owes Mor everything for the life she leads now, even if Mor insists that she doesn’t need any sort of thanks, and this is betrayal. But if she’s right and this plant does what she thinks it will, then it’s a necessary betrayal. Thea can live with that. Especially as both Rhys and Az understand the reasons for it and don’t think she’s weak for setting a boundary. 

Leaving the library, training so hard in the mornings that her muscles get stiff, having sex with strangers now she’s strong enough to provide her own retribution if something goes wrong, these are things she can do. Meeting Eris Vanserra outside of Velaris, in somewhere like the Hewn City or in another Court, fills her with so much dread that she starts to feel queasy. She makes herself tea and sips it carefully, back on the floor, to calm her nerves.

There’s a possibility that Eris comes to the House of Wind, doesn’t appreciate the things she needs to do to understand this plant, and simply kills her. For some reason, the prospect of imminent death doesn’t scare her. Maybe it’s the tea. Or maybe it’s because Azriel would avenge her. He’d probably stop it before anything happened, actually. His shadows would detect Eris’ intentions and inform him that he needs to slit his throat to protect her. Thea doesn’t know if that’s how they work and intends to ask Az about it next time they can’t sleep.

She studies how Eris leaves his Os open and what that says about his personality for a good five minutes before there’s rapping at her door. 

Two short, sharp, decisive knocks. It’s not a style common with the priestesses, but it could just be one of the junior acolytes here to ask her a question or attempt to gain her favour with biscuits. What they think her favour will gain them, Thea doesn’t understand. Hierarchy isn’t something she concerns herself with, and it’s probably why she’s going to stay under the radar of the likes of Merril forever. Not a complaint. And the biscuits are always appreciated.

“Come in!” she calls, frowning at the way Eris crosses his double Ts in a single line. Determination, she thinks. Or stubbornness.  

Whoever it is at her door shuts it behind them and stands utterly still while she continues to stare down how Eris writes her name because it changes slightly every time. She pushes her reading glasses back up when they slip down the bridge of her nose.

“You do know you look insane, don’t you?”

She looks up to see Azriel peering down at her, tilting his head slightly with a kind of boyish half-smile on his lips, and blinks. That’s… not who she was expecting.

Since this morning, he’s changed out of his training leathers and into an expensive-looking black shirt and pair of trousers. The whirls of his tattoos that sometimes she thinks about licking the sweat off of are just barely visible, peeking over where the neckline of his shirt sits now that he’s undone the top two buttons. He’s rolled up his sleeves so the full extent of the burn scars on his arms are on full display, and Thea thinks that the Summer sun must really feel stifling to him or he’d be trying to hide them like he usually does. She shamelessly, but quickly, memorises the corded muscle of his forearms in this context. His shadows smoke lazily at his shoulders, a few dropping through the curls of his hair.

Clutching one of Eris’ letters, she gestures in front of her with it and asks, “What’s insane about this?”

He pauses for a moment, looking between her and the floor and the piles of paper on her desk and waits, tucking his wings in a bit more now she’s taken notice of him. In turn, she raises her eyebrows at him. 

“A grown female, sat cross-legged on the floor, squinting at paper with a perfect semi-circle of other papers out in front of her, drinking tea on the hottest day of the year so far?” he says matter-of-factly. 

Thea goes back to squinting at her paper. “Not seeing anything strange about that.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and then—

“...No,” he agrees, “that’s perfectly normal. I do it all the time, actually.”

She hums, seeing that often Eris dots his Is with a downward slash instead of a point or a horizontal one. She isn’t sure what that could mean. “Floor’s comfier than a desk, Az,” she says. “You should try it sometime.”

“I’ll consider it,” he says.

Something clinks when it lands right in front of her, barely skimming the letter in her hand and bumping her shins where they’re crossed. 

“Don’t spend it all at once.”

Letter discarded at her side, Thea picks up the coin purse and fondles the bottom of it. “There are more than twenty marks in here,” she says, reminded of how Azriel gulped and smiled when she caught him under the chin with the tip of her blade this morning. Double or nothing pays off, it seems. She should make bets with him more.

“Your disarm was flawless too,” he says with a shrug, moving to assess the books on her desk corner. He picks up the one on the top: a paperback with a dark cover, frayed edges and tabs marking passages she likes to return to. It’s much thicker than a brick, but Azriel has no problem wrapping his hand around the spine. He flips it over and reads the blurb. “I think you might rival Nesta for the amount of nasty smut you read.”

“My tastes are better curated than Nesta’s.” 

Though she would never judge Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn for what they read, with Azriel, she has no compunction about complaining about it. Frankly, she thinks they deserve better fiction than what they waste their time with. The plot holes alone irk her, but sometimes she can work past them if the quality of the writing is good enough. Sellyn Drake, in her (correct) opinion, is awful on both accounts. She can’t say that to them. She knows them, but they aren’t so well-acquainted that she can recommend things to them, and Nesta scares her.

Azriel starts flicking to the pages with tabs on them and Thea has to force the screaming tendons in her thighs to move so she can get up and snatch the book out of his hands, ducking past his wing and jabbing him in the side so he doesn’t hold it above her head and out of reach. He barely flinches, just looks at her, a little bemused, and his shadows skitter behind him rather than get in her personal space. 

Despite her height, he’s still taller, and even though she’s built the muscles in her shoulders, he’ll always be much, much broader. Not as broad as Cassian, though. Azriel has a slimmer physique. Thea knows it’s probably not common for her to think about his tapered waist so often.

They’re very close and he doesn’t step back to accommodate her. He’s practically trapping her between the desk and his body.

She supposes she trapped herself, really. 

The heat coming off him is heady in the coolness of her office. Illyrians are clearly built for the cold. She wonders if the snow even thaws in the Steppes in Summer.

“Are you here for any other reason than to expose my reading habits?” she asks, folding her arms and leaning against the desk, putting the idea of distance between them. 

“I gave you what I owed you, didn’t I?” 

She rolls her eyes at him and he huffs a laugh. Thea’s never heard him laugh any harder than a chuckle, but she’s determined to make him crack one day. That, she thinks, would be the most memorable moment of her life so far. “Don’t be a pedant,” she says. There’s humour in her tone.

He looks at her like he might consider continuing to be petty, but then the lightness in his features dulls and he grows serious. “I have a present for you,” he says. 

From the low of his back, underneath the wing that he shifts so he can reach, he produces a bundle of something wrapped in black cloth. He manoeuvers it carefully and offers it to her. It’s heavier than she thought it would be, and, following his example, she cautiously grips what feels like a handle while she takes the fabric off it slowly, fold by fold.

“Oh.”

Gleaming, razor-sharp, silver steel glints in the low faelight. The ornate, carved hilt fits perfectly in her hand—like it was made for her. Along the blade, runes of a language she doesn’t quite recognise have been meticulously etched. She flips it in her grip like Azriel taught her to, and the heft of it seems exquisitely balanced, as though the dagger responds to how she moves it through the air by itself.

Eyes wide, she looks up at him to see him swallow thickly, watching her reaction. “For when Eris gets too close,” he says neutrally.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathes. “Thank you.”

What seems like relief washes over his face as he settles his wings against his back and looks away, but the tension in his shoulders doesn’t fade. “I figured it was time you had a weapon of your own,” he says, adding with a wry smile, “instead of pining after mine.”

She scoffs, though it’s a little shaky for her liking, and wraps the dagger back up before setting it down on the last free space left on her desk. “I do not pine for Truth-Teller,” she says, but it’s too forceful and definitely sounds like a lie. Of course, it is a lie. She’s incredibly envious of the fact that Azriel gets to carry around such a marvel of smithing work on his hip like it’s nothing. Now, she thinks, she might be able to do the same with her own dagger.

“Okay,” he concedes, “you long for Truth-Teller.”

Thea smacks him in the arm and shakes her head, not bothering to argue the point. It’s an unwinnable debate, and Azriel is relentless at the best of times. She slips past him and returns to where she was sitting on the floor. One look at her tea and she knows it’s gone cold. The letters in front of her suddenly seem much less important than the Illyrian shuffling on his feet.

“I’m serious, Azriel,” she says, increasingly aware of the fact she has nowhere for him to sit that will fit his wings and she’s starting to feel bad about it. Truthfully, she’s never considered it before because Azriel never stays in her office for longer than a few minutes, and he doesn’t come on a regular basis. Just if there’s something she needs to know, or if Rhys asks him to pass on a message. She didn’t even recognise his knock. “My floor is comfortable. See?” She stretches her legs out in front of her to prove her point. Her calves burn just from that.

For a moment, he doesn’t move, and Thea casts her gaze down so he can decide with some modicum of privacy. Then, she hears him lower himself almost silently against the wall nearest the door, and the fabric of his trousers rustles as he stretches his legs out so his feet are flat against the side of her desk. He relaxes his wings and she’s glad she brushed up the bits earlier so they don’t irritate them while the membranes curl against the ground. 

“Do you sit on the floor often?” he asks, resting his head on the wall behind him and closing his eyes like he’s got a headache. She knows tonics don’t work for him, but she almost wants to offer anyway. 

No point, she thinks, he’ll deny it regardless.

“Sometimes a change of position is necessary,” she says, turning her attention to the most recent letter Eris sent her. It’ll let Azriel sit without feeling like she’s assessing him. “Helps keep the mind fresh, you know?”

He hums in agreement and they fall silent. A couple of minutes pass with them comfortably keeping each other company while she reads and rereads and he enjoys the quiet. Thea thinks he might even be asleep, and that pleases her more than she could possibly have guessed.

When he next speaks, his voice is soft and low. He doesn’t look at her, just keeps his head pressed back against the wood. “It’s cooler down here,” he says. 

May the Mother bless him, he really is struggling in the heat. It occurs to her that she could tell him to wear something other than black, but Azriel is over five-hundred and is capable of dressing himself appropriately. If he was going to wear another colour, he would be doing it already, and he looks like he could do without her ribbing him for it right now. “The room,” she says, “is water cooled.”

“Summer Court?” he asks.

She nods, though he won’t be able to see it. “It’s a good way of releasing a bit of power without exerting myself.”

He takes that information in by eyeing her across the room.

“Explain how it works to me.”

“...Really?”

“You explain things so well,” he says.

So she does. Walks him through how she manipulates the air circulation to keep the water cool and flowing through the little pipes she installed in the walls one Summer decades ago. Tells him about the time one of the pipes burst and water leaked into the tea room below. It rotted one of the counters and she still hasn’t admitted to Clotho that it was her fault, which makes him chuckle under his breath. She says that, actually, being on the floor is the best in Summer because hot air rises and that’s why all the houses in her home Court have their bedrooms on the ground floor. 

“You know,” she tells him, “you might stay cooler if you stretched out your wings.” He gives her an odd look, so she continues, “You’d create more surface area and there would be better heat dissipation.”

That boyish smile is back, but his eyes are more sincere than teasing like they were earlier. “You just want to see my wings,” he says. Goes back to his presumably headache soothing position.

She shrugs. “They’re pretty wings. And I am right. It would keep you cooler.”

Thea catches the faint blush on his cheeks that she’s certain isn’t just from the heat. A second later, his fully flared wings are taking up three-quarters of the length of her office wall, and she hears a faint pop of air as they reach their full breadth. Her lips part as she watches the spectacle. They are a thing woven from the spool of divine silk, she’s convinced of it. What she wouldn’t give to know if they feel like leather or velvet…

“You’re staring,” he says, but his eyes are closed.

Thea shuts her mouth before she starts to drool. “You can’t even see me,” she grumbles, grabbing a pencil off her desk and writing some nonsense on the letter in her hand so it feels like she’s being productive.

“My wings are very sensitive. They can feel when someone looks at them.”

“You’re insufferable, you know that?” 

He’s not, and he knows that she doesn’t think he is, so he smiles and asks her if all the homes in the Summer Court have internal cooling or if she’s just clever. Idly, pretending that it’s just so she can refamiliarise herself with the concepts and not because she wants to impress him, she blabs on about the different ways they do it in Summer. He doesn’t seem to mind, and listens to her with a relaxed look on his face.

A good thing can only last for so long.

Eventually, he peels himself off her floor and they bid each other goodbye. She promises him that she’ll disarm him again next time they have training. He smirks and says, “I’ll have to stop going easy on you.” Though she gasps like she’s scandalised, she knows he isn’t going at full pelt when they spar. He would, simply, wipe the floor with her. One of these days, she’ll ask him to show her what that’s like. 

When he leaves, Thea’s happy to see that the slight hunch in his shoulders has loosened almost completely. He shuts the door gently. She absolutely watches him go.

Out of curiosity, she opens up the coin purse and spills the contents of it to see how much more he’d given her. Thirty gold marks. She laughs to herself and decides she’ll spend the twenty she actually won on a half-decent meal for herself, and the other ten on something stupid for him from The Rainbow. It’s his money anyway.

She gathers all of Eris’ letters—she really hasn’t been reading them since Az appeared—ties them back in a bundle and sticks them in one of the drawers in her desk that isn’t full of crap. She does the same with the dagger, even if it feels like sacrilege to squirrel it away, so that Clotho won’t confiscate it if she comes to see her. How Azriel managed to get it past her, Thea doesn’t know. It’s a secret between him and his shadows presumably.

Today, she decides, she will continue to shirk tidying in favour of finding a quiet corner of the library and cracking open the new crime novel she’s reading. Maybe then Azriel will believe that she doesn’t just read erotica.

Eris responds to her request to meet him in Velaris that afternoon.

taglist for you lovelies:

@dhcghbdscj @quantumquillz @batboyslutt @honk4emoboyz @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @anainkandpaper @casiiopea2

a/n: i really hope that worked, i have never tagged anyone before, also my b for tagging someone who didn't ask to be earlier, forgive me please?

[blazeshardcat]

one of the things that always gets me with merlin is how the show handles the concept of self-sacrifice/trust...

i think of the consequences of lancelot's sacrifice- it denied merlin the only friend that knew about his magic (gaius was more of a father figure), and i think that loss was one of the biggest factors in how sad and worn-down merlin gets in S4-5. it also denied gwen the chance to choose her partner, not to mention how lancelot decided to "sacrifice" his chances with her for arthur's sake well before his actual death.

there's balinor, who never went back for hunith. he had reasons to be concerned for her safety, but hunith knew the risks when she first housed him- wouldn't she want to know he was alive, even with the danger? it's another example of how this kind of emotional martyrdom denies their loved ones the choice to share their risks and burdens.

there's arthur. born into royalty, he was awarded many luxuries, but still denied the chance to safely choose whether or not he wanted to be king. so he makes the sacrifices leaders do, unable to make friends and love without the watchful eyes of the court & the constant threat of betrayal- after all, that's what kings do, right? in uther's words, a king must rule alone.

and of course, that leads us to merlin himself. he sacrificed everything for arthur- a chance for other magic-users to be free, a better position than a manservant, a home that wouldn't burn him for his gifts, and a million smaller pieces of joy he denied himself along the way. but what was it for? after everything, arthur still died, and it's unlikely magic returned either.

like all the other instances of self-sacrifice in this show, merlin had valid reasons- he loved arthur, and the prophecy gave him the purpose he'd been seeking his entire life, but he never confided about his magic due to incredibly real fears of execution or exile. so he chose to burn himself in silence, rather than risk arthur's feelings.

yet that's the thing about arthur- he doesn't destroy himself completely for the sake of camelot, doesn't follow uther's advice to he bone. he DOES learn to be better, to judge people based on their actions instead of labels, and to keep people he genuinely loves near him. i think arthur positively changes the most of anyone in the show, and it's largely because he actually opened up when merlin provided opportunities to do so. he didn't simply accept that a prince should suffer in silence, but learned to share his emotional burdens, which is why he got closer with many characters over time.

it's merlin that keeps himself closed off, locks everything away because he thinks it'll keep arthur safe & happy. it's the choices merlin makes at his most isolated that doom arthur in the end.

that's what i think the ending is trying to say.

to save someone, it's not enough to sacrifice yourself, to choose them over your well-being every time as it quietly kills you. because if you love someone enough to die for them, you should take a chance. do the scary work of being honest, and brave the uncertainty that follows. you've got a lot of good reasons for staying silent, but if they're worth dying for, they should get a say in it, too.

[colombinaa]

radfems, thank you.

my journey of becoming a radfem has been long and rather solitary. throughout 2024 i was able to listen to perspectives i had never heard of before and see new sides of this society, both in my real, personal life and through the voices and testimonies of other women. consequently, my views started developing and evolving.

during this time i never called myself a radical feminist, as i didn’t know all its core points and their meaning/explanation. i did recognise my leaning towards it though.

at the same time, i had no idea about the whole “terf” thing. being straight barred me from a lot of the misogyny around the matter. i had only seen that term in a specific occasion and shoved it back as a non-issue. looking back now, i shouldn’t have.

then november arrived and i peaked. it was heartbreaking, infuriating, disappointing, enraging. i felt betrayed, that stupid girl who never understood why she was always excluded, the foolish young woman who still has that slow heart.

contemporarly, i found out what “she’s a terf” actually meant. i researched radical feminism and its core values and saw my own reflected in it. i started trying to find like-minded women, at least online, and with that i found names of writers i had already heard of, quotes and paragraphs i had already read, women i should’ve looked up on google earlier. i can see how that class consciousness i have gained throughout last year would’ve lead me here anyway, sooner or later.

now i am here. i got basically all the theory to read, in-depth analysis i can’t wait to read and that is gonna help me set my thoughts and values into clear words, something my autistic brain definitely needs help with. i’ll have to learn how to put all this into action too. but the moral compass i’ve been building is already there, and so is the resolution of speaking up.

the female socialisation is still going hard, the internalised ableism and late diagnosis effects too; i’m young and in burnout, and still learning. but i’m happy to be here. i’m happy to have reached this place. both metaphorically and literally ahah. i’ve been on this app for like two months and i already feel like starting to make more personal and chill posts, like that etruscan woman that got the same tittie shape as me (i’ll never shut up about this) like i swear. and to the allistic girlies reading, trust me when i say for me it’s a big thing! (the being more chill thing, not the tittie shape one - i mean yes that too but you get what i mean).

so thank you, radfems, for never giving up.

and also thank you for creating a rather normal community in which we keep discussing topics and practicing criticism instead of preaching dogmas and shunning for thoughtcrimes, i was fucking exhausted tbh

[kanansdume]

You started these tags with "oof" and I went back to re-read the second part of this post and... yeah, oof is about how I feel, too. Oh how hopeful I was for something good to come out of that show, BOTH shows actually since I was looking at Mandalorian season 3 as well it seems.

This post is already a little long, so I'll put the rest under a cut, but tl;dr is that I think you're giving the people writing in the Mandoverse SO MUCH more credit than they deserve and they'll likely never do anything good or creative with these characters again.

I don't think that making Sabine a Jedi had anything to do with Sabine at all. A lot of people have pointed out that Sabine is acting like a bratty teenager despite being literally 30 years old and that she feels a lot like an ANAKIN stand-in so that Ahsoka can figure out her feelings about Anakin through her relationship to Sabine. We know that the Rebels Search for Ezra storyline got combined with Ahsoka's show and that they weren't originally intended to be the same story. So it makes sense that Ahsoka likely HAD a padawan-figure originally who was probably a new character and that they just replaced that character with Sabine when things got combined, regardless of what that would mean for Sabine's character.

Sabine doesn't even grow or learn anything by the end of the show. I've see people try to argue that when she left Ezra behind in order to save Ahsoka that it showed she'd grown from when she abandoned everything to save Ezra, except... she's literally just making the same choice for a different person. Thrawn is LEAVING and the whole point of jumping onto his ship is to try to STOP HIM or something, and instead of doing that and helping Ezra, she runs back because one person's life is at stake and now Ezra is alone on that ship and Sabine never has to face the consequences of her own actions. Personally, that doesn't feel like any actual growth to me or like she's learned from the mistake she made by going to get Ezra. The narrative itself doesn't even seem to think that it WAS a mistake she needs to learn from, which leaves her character with literally nowhere to go.

If they were going to bring her back to Mandalore as a leader, they probaby would've been EMPHASIZING her connection to Mandalore rather than basically erasing it. It would've made more sense to leave her family ALIVE, even just ONE of them, to give her more of a connection to that cause. But no, aside from her wearing the armor, there's absolutely no indication she gives a flying shit about Mandalore or its people anymore.

So even if they DID start pushing Sabine in the direction of being a leader again, I wouldn't like it. THIS Sabine should never lead anybody ever. THIS Sabine is a selfish piece of shit who is willing to unleash Thrawn upon the galaxy just to get what she wants. REBELS era Sabine was awesome, and had the makings of a great ruler. REBELS era Sabine had learned mercy and patience and selflessness by the end of the show, while THIS fucking Sabine is impatient, impetuous, irresponsible, and selfish. Nobody should EVER allow the Ahsoka show version of Sabine anywhere NEAR a leadership position, and if they try to do it, it'll just be unbelievably bad writing. Perhaps hilariously bad writing, it could be amusing to see them attempt to make that claim, but it'd still be bad.

And, as you mentioned, they've already put Bo-Katan in as the leader of Mandalore for the THIRD TIME and, ostensibly, destroyed the Dark Saber. There doesn't seem to be any real planning around who gets put in as the leader of Mandalore, to be honest, it just kind-of flip flops and goes to whoever they deem most convenient in the moment. Sabine was being set up for it for a minute until they decided it would be problematic with what they wanted to do with her later in Rebels, so they threw it at Bo-Katan with no good reason. Then they took it away from Bo-Katan in The Mandalorian so that they could set Din up to take on leadership of Mandalore except that then they decided they didn't really like that so they abandoned all of that set-up and tossed it back at Bo-Katan because, hell, she's already there isn't she, might as well just give it back to her because THAT'S satisfying to see! So, sure, MAYBE they'll give it back to Sabine and take it away from Bo-Katan AGAIN later on, maybe Bo-Katan will die fighting Thrawn and so Sabine gets put back in as an option, but I don't have a single ounce of belief that it'll make any sense or feel in any way satisfying.

For all that the Mandoverse is focused on Mandalorians in the extreme, I don't feel like they're writing them all that well or care all that much about giving these characters good strong narratives. Sabine is just the latest in a string of terrible writing choices for their Mando characters.

Sabine Wren is not just the true wielder of the Darksaber, but the only one who should’ve been chosen to rule Mandalore and I will die on that hill.

The entire point of Sabine’s whole arc through the show is that she is learning JEDI VALUES, that she’s learning that the Mandalorian way has its place, but it also has so many flaws and that it’s what has led Mandalore to fight itself into dust. She’s impatient and distrustful and learns to listen with Hera about Fulcrum. She’s more inclined to kill someone out of anger until she learns the value of mercy and second chances from Kanan with Fenn Rau. She tries to pretend her problems don’t exist and won’t truly face them until she learns to wield the Darksaber with Kanan and then goes to make amends with her family. The entire episode with her familiy shows how Sabine brings together everything she’s learned: she waits and listens to her family’s grievances, understanding exactly how her actions impacted them, and then she shows mercy to Gar Saxon rather than killing him after her win like a true Mandalorian would.

Having Bo-Katan claim that the Mandalorian way is a way of MERCY, when we’re intentionally told and shown that Sabine’s willingness to show mercy explicitly goes against her Mandalorian upbringing and teachings and was something she learned from Hera, and from Kanan and his Jedi teachings, is really insulting. The Mandalorian way, as shown through Rebels, is NOT one of mercy, that’s the entire point. Sabine recognizes that, recognizes that that’s what’s caused them so much misery, caused them to turn on each other so much that their planet hasn’t ever had the chance to heal and regrow.

Bo-Katan even says IN THIS EPISODE that Sabine represents the best of what they have been in the past as well as the best of what they could someday become. That Sabine is a true leader.

To have Sabine turn around and say that the Darksaber came to her, after she EARNED IT, for the FIRST time since Tarre Viszla she truly EARNED the Darksaber, just so she could pass it on to Bo-Katan, someone who once gleefully helped set a village on fire after the people she was helping subjugate tried to resist?

I’m sorry, but no.

Sabine Wren is Tarre Viszla’s true successor. Not just as the wielder of the Darksaber, but as Mandalore’s uniter, as its truest ruler. Sabine Wren has the patience and mercy and wisdom of a Jedi with the passion and mettle of a Mandalorian warrior. She has learned to listen as well as she fights, and she has learned how to appreciate different points of view and how to bring them together to create a whole greater than the sum of its parts.

The Darksaber came to her because Sabine Wren always had the capacity to use it to fulfill Tarre Viszla’s vision, to unite Mandalore, to save it from itself, to make it more than it is. The Darksaber came to her specifically because Sabine has the greatest ability to lead Mandalore into a peaceful future.

[katyspersonal]

Er fandom is soo funny sometimes like in x theyre crying how shipping Rellana/Rennala with Messmer/Radagon is misogyny to reduce strong female characters to be nothing but love interest to male characters which is something i agree with but then they turn and reduce Rellana/Rennala to be Marikas lovers so its not misogyny now😭😭😭😭 rules for thee but not for me

Dude, Marika x Rennala situation is real and deadly, but as for your second example there is only ONE person who is notorious for giving Rellana no personality or acknowledgement beyond being braindead Marika's simp while also trashing on Rellana x Messmer over "misogyny and lesbophobia". No, spamming "misogyny" accusations in Elden Ring fandom like they're in a DPS check situation in general. And with all due respect to them pumping out fanart like assembly line, they and a group of their passionate fans is not "Er fandom". They are just a very loud group and apparently they've angered SO many people that ever since they and their friend who pretended to just "join Tumblr to support favorite artist" (assuming it wasn't just their alter) trashed @val-of-the-north and then got obliterated with facts by me I kept getting DMs after DMs of different people "thanking" me for speaking against their toxic behavior and sharing their own negative experiences with them. 🤦‍♂️

Like, the girls are really unhappy with them. They should reconsider how they behave in the fandom, especially with this much popularity. And if they already have I would not know, I no longer look in their general direction because after how Val was treated seeing any post from them puts a pit in my stomach. I am notorious for taking extremely long time to recover from grudges, especially if they aren't just personal but on behalf of friends or community. :p

And now, back to the subject:

"which is something I agree with"

? Not sure what you wanted to say with this by the way. I assume you wanted to say you agree with the frustration of reduction of female characters rather than disliking the concept of these ships

Or course both ships are absolutely alright! Rellana believes that Fire and Moon should be together as they always have as stated in the description of her blades in Japanese (something localisation team distorted into near-opposite direction)! You know, like they always have since the times of Fire Giants and Astrologers, a bond also treasured in Caria Manor with keeping Sword of Night and Flame! If anything, he is her love interest as he was worth abandoning the birth right as a princess in her eyes! Though one might argue it is ideological and Rellana is idealising, but standing for her beliefs despite the consequences is strong! Messmer has a TON lot to work through with Rellana, seeing a person that loves his curse, when this very thing ruined his life and has been scaring his own mother, and you can see in what good outcomes it can bring both!

Radagon and Rennala, on the other hand, are literally canon. Fromsoft were the ones who """reduced Rennala to just a simp""" by making her go insane from heartbreak, yet even then, she had a backstory as a Moonlight Witch who took over the Academy, and had tender bond with both Rellana and Ranni. Something was whack here, but nothing says Radagon didn't even try to love her or had life with her worthy of shippy fluff. He is just heavily compromised as a person because he is literally a sentient law of nature (he is Golden Order), that depends on how Marika shaped it. Of course he would reforge her wedding gift into a golden sword, it is literally what Golden Order DOES with cultures and the world! This guy was NOT kicking and resisting when he got called to marry Marika instead, but even then who can tell he didn't feel bitter that he had to hurt everyone by his very being and duties? Marika proclaimed to "study the depths of the Golden Order" as transition ( 🥁 ) into a new, more civilized and informed era! You'd think keeping Radagon close 24/7 would prevent him from visiting his divorce family more often? This stuff and this pair is still in the source material, and it isn't anyone's business to claim superior interpretation across the fandom unless female character is literally just a plot decide which Rennala doesn't magically become only because we find her at her lowest point (so... like we find most of the "legendary" characters in every Soulsborne game already....).

___________________

This was just me musing about the ships, but yes, again: literally nothing is wrong with these ships! It is when fans do reduce Rennala and Rellana to just simps what's frustrating, but shallow takes on female characters is problem of fandoms and interacting with media in general, and can't be blamed on concrete ships!

I have deep loathing for fans who complain about this issue yet themselves write female characters in a very shallow way but NOW it's okay because it's yuri and not MxF! Vocal Mariadeline fans did that in Bloodborne, vocal shippers of Rellana or Rennala with Marika do that in Elden Ring... 🤦‍♂️ They claim to be super feminist, yet are sending opposite message by having high quality requirements for MxF ships while celebrating cottagecore mediocrity and shallow portrayals for yuri ships. So, the elite yuri ships are already good by definition and don't need depth, thought and drama, unlike them peasant MxF ships that MUST be well-written and respect characters involved? Is this what they're saying? You either despise ANY reduction (?) of female character or accept any of them, no double standards. Especially when double standards depend on gender of the characters involved??? WTF???

[kishimotomasashi]

What's always gotten to me the most about Hashirama and Madara's relationship (and their tragedy as individual characters) is how the fact that they're both so monstrously powerful fits into it.

Like, in a world where people are living weapons and your worth is determined by how well you function as one, the position of "most powerful out of all these weapons" is one that's out of their hands by default: their existence is instrumentalized politically and for their immediate mission work, so they're caught in this feedback loop of being considered the most exceptional people who have ever lived for as long as the shinobi world still runs on war trade. It's a position that Madara ends up giving into and identifying with fully, while Hashirama wants to act like he can shake (some of) it off even though the success of his endeavours rely on him playing into it.

The most immediate consequence of this is that they've always been put up against one another, in battle, because literally no one else was matching them. Whether or not they'd already met as kids they were always eventually going to meet, and always frequently, because the war between their clans would have required it. Violence between them is and was an inevitable aspect of the fact that Hashirama and Madara even exist.

Which hurts when you think about how they actually met, because they did so in circumstances where it felt to them like none of that needed to matter! They were never rivals for its own sake, they were friends with the same wish for a better life and a better future, but their rosy little bubble of dreams couldn't withstand the pressure of the present world they lived in, where the violence ran far too deep both in its structures and in how they understood their place in it. At the end of the day, battling against one another had consistently always been the one real thing they could ever with each other.

Bit of a tragic irony: the violence is what separates them, but is also what keeps them bound together. They're both aware of this, Madara in a way more resigned, Hashirama having tried his very hardest to make it otherwise until he realized he just couldn't bridge the gap. Maybe somewhere and somehow they could have actually made it, but with just how fixed all in the world felt to them, it's easy to see why they never managed to make the choices that would ensure it.

[fallenangelofsalt]

*slowly raises hand like im in class*

I personally think TDL is in the wrong about a LOT of things, but I would like to point out that him going to attack stickfigures after those rampages or the fight with TCO is also pure speculation. Sure, he's shown to be a lot more likely to do that than TCO, but then why is the city nearby not in ruins yet? And the thing about all sites being used by humans, the point is that none of the sites shown as Virabot targets are sites likely to have stickfigures in them. What is a stick gonna do in twitter?

And why the heck would he NOT think the CG is working for Alan? That cursor came from SOMEWHERE and the CG are the only other unexpected factor in the mix, of course he would think so, and Orange is very obviously a hollowhead, something that only Alan's creations have in common.

I don't think his hatred towards Alan was ever about Chosen, if your creator gave you an impossible task that you had no idea how badly could go for you, and then just kept playing solitaire while you are left at the mercy of someone who had every right to kill you then and there, wouldn't YOU be mad?

I don't think he was ever in the right with the things he did, exept maybe throwing that Virabot at Alan's PC considering he had no way of knowing there were stickfigures there at the time (you'd think having his old PC blown up would prevent him from trying that again, and it did, its just that TSC is an anomaly even in creation) but besides that, every bad thing he did had been done with TCO at his side, and I personally think TDL never had a chance to be good.

I have a personal theory that every hollowhead reflects Alan in some way. Now, this is pure theory, no need to read this part, but here's how I think:

Victim mirrors Alan's methodical torture. Now, Vic does it more as a means to an end rather than pure entertainment, but Alan is also shown to use stickfigures, TCO was enslaved as an ad block, TDL was created to kill TCO, and TSC was allowed to live and keep his friends as long as he helped with animating. Victim torturing TCO is more of a consequence than him being that way normally, but overall Vic is a watered down version of early Alan with a tragic backstory.

TCO has the same narrow worldview, he doesn't show any signs of remorse or hesitation until they're attacking stickfigures, and Alan doesn't even consider that maybe stickfigures have emotions until TSC talked.

TSC reflects the more positive aspects of Alan, like his love for animating and ability to create life.

TDL meanwhile, reflects a LOT of early Alan. Lack of empathy and disregard for stickfigures for example, as well as creating things with the purpose of destruction, and sadism.

The thing is, TDL was never meant to value stickfigures, and I don't think he ever had the opportunity to besides Chosen. Even if they both had a say in their targets it is very likely that Chosen had been leading at the beginning, considering in AVA3 TDL was only ever shown to follow others. The only part where he could argueably be the one leading is when the icons join the fight and that is very brief.

The only possible reason I can think of as to why that nearby city hasn't been attacked yet is that either Dark has no interest in doing so or Chosen has somehow gotten over his abysmal communication skills long enough to say maybe lets not.

And even if Chosen gets all the credit for their attack on newgrounds why would Dark interact with other sticks at that point? Alan had stick Jesus show up on his PC while he was doing laundry and the only reason why TSC didn't get deleted is a freak combination of uno reverse card powers, drawing skills and the ability to talk.

I'm rambling at this point but

TL;DR Dark is absolutely in the wrong but I see him as a what if Alan had actually tried to delete TSC, you know? The only real difference is that Alan saw a last minute reason to keep TSC around and TDL didn't. So I think he could mellow out given opportunity and time but now he's dead so :/

A message to all Dark Lord defenders

As someone who is vehemently against the idea that Dark is in any way sympathetic, I invite you to try and change my mind, I want to have a conversation with you all, because I genuinely think it's interesting that so many can look at a character who I think is a completely irredeemable asshole and see something more charitable.

So go on Dark defenders, go wild, explain all of your arguments and I will do my best to argue against them (or, maybe even agree with them if I think they make sense.

[diekleinesuesse]

Being best friends with Sebastian Sallow:

Being best friends with Sebastian Sallow would be an interesting and deeply loyal experience. Sebastian is fiercely protective of those he cares about, so as his best friend, you’d always know that he’d have your back no matter what. He has a strong sense of justice, which means he’ll fight for you when others might not, though his methods can be a little reckless at times.

Loyalty That Knows No Bounds

Sebastian Sallow’s friendship is built on an unwavering, almost unshakable sense of loyalty. As his best friend, you’d find that he’s the kind of person who will always be there for you, no matter the circumstances. Sebastian’s protective nature means he’d stand by you during the hardest of times, never backing down from defending you, even if it meant putting himself in danger. His commitment to those he trusts is absolute, and as his best friend, you’d feel that sense of security and dependability in ways that others might not. Whether you’re facing enemies, struggling with personal challenges, or dealing with tough decisions, Sebastian will always have your back. His loyalty extends beyond just his words it’s his actions that truly prove his devotion.

Honest Conversations and Vulnerability

Sebastian’s exterior may be tough and occasionally standoffish, but with you, his best friend, he’s likely to drop the tough façade and show you who he really is. His vulnerability will shine through in the rare, honest conversations that you share. Sebastian is someone who values sincerity and transparency, and as someone he trusts deeply, you’d become one of the few people who understand the complexities of his past and his deepest desires. While he may not open up to others, you’ll find yourself learning about the scars he carries, the choices that haunt him, and his dreams of a future beyond the constraints of his circumstances. These moments would bring you closer, allowing you to understand the real Sebastian Sallow beneath his often sarcastic and guarded demeanor.

Dry Humor and Sarcastic Wit

Spending time with Sebastian would never be dull. His sarcastic wit, dry humor, and quick comebacks would make every interaction a unique and sometimes hilarious experience. He’s the type of person who can find humor even in difficult situations, and that’s something you’d come to appreciate as his best friend. The two of you would share a bond over inside jokes and subtle exchanges that no one else would understand. While Sebastian’s humor can be biting at times, it’s never meant to hurt it’s just his way of coping with the world around him. Your friendship would be filled with laughter, teasing, and moments that are lighthearted yet meaningful. Even during the most intense moments, his humor would serve as a reminder that life is still worth enjoying.

Reckless but Passionate

Sebastian’s sense of justice often leads him to act impulsively. As his best friend, you’d find yourself swept up in his passion and intensity, even if his methods sometimes lean toward the reckless side. Whether it’s breaking the rules to help someone in need or diving headfirst into a dangerous situation, Sebastian’s desire to right wrongs drives him to take risks without always thinking of the consequences. His decisions might be hasty at times, but they come from a deeply ingrained need to make the world better in his own way. While you might not always agree with his actions, you’d admire his dedication to fighting for what he believes in. His passion would inspire you to be more courageous and to fight for what’s right, even when the stakes are high. And through all the chaos, you’d remain by his side, providing a steady presence to balance out his fiery energy.

A Friendship That Endures Through Conflict

Sebastian can be stubborn, and his determination can sometimes lead to conflict. If he’s convinced that something needs to be done, he won’t hesitate to act, even if it means stepping on toes or going against the grain. As his best friend, you’d inevitably find yourself in disagreement from time to time, especially if his impulsive nature leads him down a dangerous path. However, these moments of tension wouldn’t tear your friendship apart they’d only strengthen it. Sebastian values honesty and loyalty above all else, and he’ll always respect your opinions, even if they clash with his own. You’d learn to navigate these moments with understanding, knowing that his actions are driven by a strong sense of right and wrong, even if he doesn’t always consider the bigger picture. At the end of the day, you’d both understand that your bond is rooted in trust, and no disagreement could sever that.

A Connection Built on Trust

In the end, the foundation of your friendship with Sebastian Sallow would be built on an unshakable trust. He doesn’t hand his trust out easily, but once he considers you a friend, he’s fully invested. His loyalty and commitment to you would be clear through his actions, even in the smallest of gestures. Whether it’s sticking by you in tough times or sharing his deepest secrets with you, Sebastian’s trust would feel like a rare and precious thing. Over time, this bond would grow stronger, as you both face challenges together, share experiences, and support each other. The connection you share would be one that withstands the test of time and trials, as Sebastian would always find his way back to you, no matter what life throws your way. His friendship would be a constant, a source of stability and strength that you could rely on, no matter how difficult things become.

In short, being best friends with Sebastian Sallow means experiencing a deep, complex bond filled with loyalty, honesty, humor, and a shared sense of justice. While the friendship might come with its challenges, it would also be one of the most rewarding and enduring relationships you could have. Through thick and thin, you and Sebastian would face the world together, always knowing that, no matter what happens, you’ve got each other’s backs.

[binarybitex]

i have been researching something extremely niche (for my fic wip) for 4 hours straight. FOUR. hours

[baronessblixen]

Eyyyyy, saw your tags! :DDDDD

I will say: knowing more about an actor doesn't change my perception of their work; but I know a lot of people-- older generation, mostly-- who do think the way that he does. To them, the more they know, the more they can't "forget" the actor/actress in a role.

Maybe it's an older generation thing? A thought process left over from the world of 90s-and-before-media, before the advent of smartphones? Or maybe it's a broad audience thing: the type where people aren't so invested in someone's career or anyone in particular, and just want to go to the movies on a Friday-- the normies that fund most of the ticket sales. I do know I've been hearing a lot of sentiment lately from others who are over-saturated with celebrities talking about their opinions rather than marketing the product... maybe that's the modern day equivalent? Maybe that's what he was trying to articulate. (Sometimes he communicates in half measures when trying to work something out.) I think so, anyway.

But today's landscape is also so different: people are selling themselves-- branding, as he called it-- their personalities to sell their products. It just is that way. Hopefully he doesn't feel the pressure to do so, as well (I don't think he does, or would care. But it's a thought.) Maybe there's pressure there, but there's also freedom (or can be): the landscape for his professional fears have changed... but they've also changed in ways that are, to him, a net negative. So. XD

Hope you have a great weekend! :)))))))

When I read your ask, I realized that most people I know - regardless of age - don't care about actors' private lives 😂 that's slightly different though than not wanting to know as it might skew the viewing perception.

I guess it makes sense. DD was born in the 60s when Hollywood's star system was breaking apart. Back then the actors were brands too - though different than today. The studios gave them new names more often than not and a personality. They needed them to be certain types to lure the audience in.

The history of the star system is really interesting. Back in the very early days, actors didn't have a name. Audiences didn't know who these people were - but they wanted to know. Same with the first magazines. They'd be about movies originally, but people wanted to know about the actors instead. That's not at all a new thing.

So I don't think it has anything to do with social media and smartphones and more like you said with the broad audience. Before social media, tabloids were HUGE. That was the only way to glimpse more into the private life of your star. I just don't think any of it is new. The means are just different.

There's middle ground between putting your whole life out there and being private. It's not just DD, but one thing I've noticed with celebrities saying they're private is that usually, they have no problems talking about their kids or their family - people, weirdly enough, who didn't choose to be part of this life. Then when it's about their romantic life they're like, oh no, I'm private. That seems like a cop-out.

This is already half an essay but don't get me started on celebrities becoming a brand these days. Why do celebrities need to sell us products? That is a trend I really hate. Maybe I'm too old to get it and thankful for every celebrity who doesn't feel the need to create a drink/food/candle/skin product.

Hope you have a great weekend too 😁

[lunian]

I will try to describe why its also crucial to help Minrathous but, YES, Veilguard just failed to show it.

There are two scenarios - Blighted Treviso where you visually see in all details the consequences: corpses, suffering ill people everywhere, red skies, blighted waters and plants in any places etc etc, very grim. But also Treviso doesn't really cut much of content and makes even new quests or alternative ones, only Lucanis' story suffers it.

Then Minrathous where they failed to show it equally visually bad - you see hanged up Dragons and their supporters (tho you cant even say if all those people actually helped Dragons by any means) which is also terrible picture but thats all. Non-saved Minrathous doesn’t have additional quests to free people from Venatori or you don’t see any other new scenes of people suffering from this regime, like they made you see Crows and others suffering from the Blight. They cut you out from Shadow Dragons and all their allies, Neve's quest is also limited more, Ashur is doomed (also strong political figure aka BLACK DIVINE), you don't help to get rid of corrupted templars etc

It makes sense that Minrathous handled it better to survive an attack and not to be blighted like Treviso, BUT POLITICALLY it suffers greatly, even worse than before. This game wiped out the biggest problems of this country, just "trust me bro, there are many slaves lol". Now it has literal fasc*sts in power, by all means. Its not just "corruption", Antiva is also a corrupted country after all (where Crows are the only military force which is ridiculous, also considering that canonically they also had slaves but again, the game made them like a fun mafia family)

When a war with gods ends, thats where new problem starts - Tevinter is gonna be one of the strongest countries left. Ferendel and Orlais were doomed, what you see in Treviso is probably what happened in most of places there. We all know what it is when such terrible power and nationalist cults take over a strong country, like in real life *coughs*. Plus their war with Qunari can even worsen the situation. Venatori are everywhere anyway (since Inquisition) so what's gonna happen if they get military and political power of Tevinter? I don't take DATV ending with archon Dorian seriously because he just can't fight it with so little power of slaughtered Shadow Dragons.

Many people save Treviso also because as if Minrathous doesn't deserve help, like bad magisters and all. But this country lives on slaves (who can be both kidnapped people from other lands or their own citizens who sold themselves out of desperation) so the question is... most of people like average mages, soporati and slaves are not innocents who deserve life, they don't deserve to be saved from Venatori who see them as a dirt and material for blood rituals? (Hello, Bellara, who cried about innocents of Treviso)

Sure, many things I say right now are my own thoughts based on experience from previous games and what I know of Tevinter in general, because Veilguard ACTUALLY doesnt make those problems equally bad as it had to - deadly plague or scary oppresive political regime of cultists.

It had to be up to a player to believe what they think is worse but narrative punishes Minrathous more (if you save it then watch horrors of Treviso but if you didnt it then lol whatever, dont worry about this place bc theres not much to do anymore).

That's very cool and dramatic but saying it to Shadow Dragon Rook was definetely more losing situation in this argument:

Mercar: Vishante kaffas, save your speech for others, I ran to save MY OWN CITY, YOU CRETIN

[blueskittlesart]

do you have any thoughts on zelda not staying as a dragon? me personally I like it and am very cool with it mostly because I think zelda should get to be happy forever (and because I'm smart enough to know she changed back because of recall and not some ambiguous power of love lmao) but a lot of people seem to dislike that it made the draconification inconsequential?

i think there's like. some valid concerns surrounding inconsequentiality/"curing" the physical problems characters have as a way of giving them a "happy ending" but I think those concerns don't necessarily apply to totk in the way people seem to be applying them, especially irt zelda's draconification and link's arm.

most of the time when the criticism of this "magic cure" trope is applied to media, it's because the trope is used as a cure-all to erase a character's suffering or trauma and make them "normal" again, and often ignores the character development or themes of the story in favor of giving the character a happy ending. I don't think that applies to totk, though, because the "curing" link and zelda experience is both within the realm of possibility given the worldbuilding present in the game (recall could easily have done it, as you mentioned) AND thematically consistent with the rest of the game. One of if not the most important central themes of totk is the idea of failure and second chances. we see a hyrule that has been given a second chance after link's initial failure with the calamity brought it to the brink of destruction. we see characters who were deeply unhappy and entrenched in the shame of their precalamity mistakes like purah and zelda become active, beloved members of their communities. we see the people of lurelin village take back and rebuild their destroyed home. we watch this kingdom and its people make an unprecedented comeback after a century of struggle and ruin.

Similarly, totk's gameplay is LINK's second chance, his comeback from the initial mistake of losing zelda, of specifically being unable to reach her with his injured hand when they fell. The consequences of that--the master sword's corruption, the loss of his arm, and zelda's draconification, are all supposed to SEEM irreversible, because that's how LINK initially sees them. he believes that he doomed both himself and zelda all because of that SINGLE moment in which he wasn't enough, a viewpoint which is obviously left over from the pressure he experienced to perform to an impossible standard of perfection pre-calamity. The story of totk is about deconstructing that belief and proving it wrong. the mistake he made caused harm, but it's never too late to repair things. he can fix the regional phenomena ganondorf causes and rebuild those communities. he can revitalize the master sword. he can GET ZELDA BACK, with his own arm, uninjured and able to reach her this time. no matter how impossible those things may initially seem, no matter the perceived finality of his mistakes and their consequences, there is always hope. there is always a second chance. no one person's single mistake can doom an entire kingdom for eternity. the fate of hyrule was NEVER resting on link's shoulders alone. he was never their final hope. there was always going to be an after. the whole POINT of the draconification and the loss of link's arm is that they AREN'T final. they ARE inconsequential, because they were born of one mistake and ONE MISTAKE IS NOT THE END ALL.

[skunkes]

[frizzle-mcshizzle]

wow y’all where no where near this supportive when i was witch hunted holy shit

the posts that where made general attitude was “if you’re prolife fuck go yourself and block me” or “im pro choice if you have a problem with that block me” i had to literally tell the only person who supported me the whole time not to say anything out of fear they would get targeted too, i didn’t have this kind of support. what i posted wasn’t even supposed to go on that blog, it wasn’t reblogged intentionally, and it was taken down quickly. i was still witch hunted for it two months later.

its just a little funny to see who and what you’re all willing to publicly support and what you’re not.

[dirtbra1n]

Seigi Sunday the second—please don’t look at what day it is

(BELATEDLY LINKING THE FIRST ONE READ MY POSTS BOY)

okay so it’s Seigi saturday last-Sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday I even slept in today can we be nice to me,

discontinuing that bit. Seriously just don't look at what day it is. it was technically a sunday when I finished it. My request for today is to acquire a phoenixheadinhands image and have it on hand as we move forward. 30 image cap beat my ass There were intense budget cuts.

but anyway white text this time :) where we start:

PESSIMIST!!! 🫵🫵🫵

a comment from jeweler richard enthusiast kiri @aranarumei and more seigi under the cut

The shop's owner was one Mr. Richard Ranasinghe de Vulpian, a man so elegant he looked like he could have stepped right out of a BBC historical drama, with an impeccable command of the Japanese language. And I had no clue what he was thinking. As much as I figured it wouldn't be long before he looked at the books and decided to close up shop, I diligently did my job cleaning the place and boiling milk with tea in it. And honestly, it didn't really matter what was going on with the shop. I had to work to get paid. I was still working twice a week at the TV station, too. But in two weeks' time, my pessimistic predictions were proved very wrong.

look he also realized what a pessimist he is. this won't come back to shoot me again ever. thats a promise. I would never lie to you about this.

Now, I knew I was just a part-timer who hadn't seen the store's books or knew what the rent was, so this was just a hunch—but I really didn't think this weekend jewelry café in Ginza was Richard's main job. I was sure he had customers like Ms. Miyashita in Kobe all over Japan, if not the entire world. He probably spent the week going from house to house showing off gems and selling them. With the profit from those sales, it wouldn't really matter if this shop was here or not.

It would be a long way off before we were on comfortable enough terms for me to ask him how the business was doing. "So, what's the deal with carats? I was really shocked when I learned about it last week. It's a just a unit for measuring weight. One carat is 0.2 grams." "Indeed, it is. And what exactly is it that troubles you about this fact?" "I guess I don't get why you need another unit. Couldn't you use grams?" "...It'll make more sense to you later." Richard's attitude seemed to suggest that if I wasn't actually interested in it, there was no reason to force myself to learn about gemstones. But he would still answer my questions, and he got mad at me when I told him I'd been keeping the pink sapphire ring in my fridge because the box might get moldy, and gave me a new box and cloth for it. He must really love gemstones. [...]

[if theres space for it, :phoenixheadinhands: if not, leave this in. Who give a shit] [:phoenixheadinhands:]

It was a woman with long black hair, fair skin, and narrow eyes. She was beautiful, in her late twenties, wearing a pencil skirt and a white blouse. She must've come straight from work. She made me feel a little nervous. "Um, this is a jeweler's. The rental office is on the first floor." "...Yes, there is a sign out front. Or, what, do you only accept customers by appointment?" "Welcome. You've made no mistake. We would be happy to accept your business." She seemed momentarily overwhelmed by hearing a blond-haired, blue-eyed man speak such fluent Japanese but quickly regained her composure. Typically, women reacted in one of two ways when they met Richard for the first time. They either got this indiscreet smile on their faces, like they were about to dig into a delicious meal, or they got very quiet in an attempt to hide their embarrassment. This woman didn't fit into either category. She seemed utterly unmoved by him. Or rather, she seemed utterly devoid of any emotion at all. Like an empty husk of a human being. She seemed pretty thin, and on closer inspection, I could tell that the shoulders of her shirt didn't fit quite right. Her voice was steady but her gait wasn't. I had to wonder if she was okay. At any rate, I showed her to the seating area and started making tea. I added extra sugar in hopes of making her feel a bit better. The tea snack of the day was leaf-shaped pies that I'd picked up in the basement of department store.

SEIGI.............. big heart aside What I'm choosing to take from this is that women are wolves. watch out richard. awoooo

Heat treatment. I'd never heard of it before. Richard pulled out documents for the identification report process, explaining the costs and time involved. Ms. Akashi immediately filled out the required forms and then got up. "All right, it's in your hands now. I work during the day, so I'd appreciate it if you only contacted me after 6 p.m. I'm sorry, but I'm pressed for time, so I'll be going now. Thanks." Before I could even offer her some tea, Ms. Akashi had already left. I'd studied on how to handle a situation where a customer tried to run off with a product they hadn't paid for, but this was basically the opposite. She left something and ran off. "...Is this a new kind of scam or something? Like she'll come back and insist that we stole from her and have some scary people beat us up?"

seigi don't be cute. why's this cute. Shut up. you would literally be fine in a fight don't be CUTE. all this coming from the guy who replied But we're not total strangers and posited What if I were a swindler like Seigi can we be serious. you of all people can not talk on this

I took a closer look at the item she left behind. It was a brooch arranged around a central, pure red, oblong ruby. The metal was a polished silver. When I counted, I found there were twelve diamond-encrusted ribbons emanating from the central red stone. There were at least ten small diamonds on each ribbon. The design was elegant. "I know I'm a total amateur when it comes to this stuff, but... this is a really high-quality piece, isn't it?" "Indeed it is." It was hard to believe. Was this really the kind of thing someone would just casually drop off their first time in the shop? What would she do if she came back and it was gone? "She should take better care of it." "I don't think leaving gems in the refrigerator is a particularly good idea, either. But for better or worse, gems reflect the feelings of their owners. So perhaps it's no wonder that those sentiments come out in how they're handled." I ignored his little jab at me and drank the milk tea the customer hadn't even touched.

have I told you two already that you can't have normal fucking conversations. You are not normal

"Richard, I think this is the first time I've ever seen a ruby in person." He said he didn't mind, so I didn't hesitate to gaze at the brooch. The thing that really caught my eye was the red stone in the middle. It was probably more than twice the size of my pink sapphire. It had been about a month since I started working at Étranger—though I'd only actually worked five days so far—but in that time, numerous gems, the names of which I'd never even heard of before, had crossed my eyes. But a ruby had thus far never appeared in the box of treasures. "It really is red... Like when you find a spot of blood in raw chicken." "Was that some sort of joke? Or do you actually understand what you're saying?" "Huh? I'm not sure I follow." "Pigeon blood," Richard enunciated every last syllable. I still didn't follow. "It's a term used to describe the finest of rubies. Just as exquisitely blue sapphires are called 'cornflower blue," the vivid red of the most highly prized rubies is compared to the blood of pigeons. For you to come up with that analogy completely unawares, well, bravo."

richard is impressed because he would not have come up with the analogy himself, and he would not have come up with the analogy himself because . He really really really can't fucking cook. first bravo though :)

Bravo? That's a good thing, right? My mother, Hiromi, didn't have much time to cook, and my grandmother didn't exactly have the most sophisticated palate, so as far as I ever knew, cooking was just a survival skill. But sometimes it was more than that. Like when I'd remove the tendons from chicken thighs to make fried chicken. The real trick was to fry them at a high temperature. Which reminded me— "What's this heat treatment thing you were talking about earlier? Why would you heat up a stone?" "In the case of rubies and sapphires, heating them makes their color more vivid." "Wow! So it must be a chemical reaction, huh? Do you think the first person who thought of trying it was scared? Seems like a pretty big gamble, right? Or do the gems not get burned if you mess up?" "The process is conducted under extremely high temperatures. So if the stone can't handle the heat, it's less that you'll end up with a scorched stone and more that you'd end up with nothing at all."

"It depends on the artisan and the specific stone being worked on, but it's typically around a thousand degrees for anywhere from a few tens of seconds to several minutes. Of course, this isn't the sort of thing that can just be repeated indefinitely. Whether a piece of corundum has been heat treated or not has a significant effect on its value. Padparadscha, like in that ring of yours, is typically a name given to natural—that is, untreated—pink sapphires." "Corundum? Natural pink? Wait, I'm confused." A storm of question marks filled my head. Richard sighed and pulled out Gemstones: An Illustrated Guide. He opened it to the page on rubies. The opposite page was about sapphires. "Let's start from the basics. Do you know the difference between rubies and sapphires?" "...One's red and the other's blue?" "Indeed. That is essentially the only difference." "What?" "You could think of these two stones like siblings. Corundum is the general name for the mineral. Red corundum is called ruby, and all other colors of corundum are called sapphire." So it really was just a difference in color. But then why did they need different names? Why was pink sapphire, "sapphire" and not pink ruby?

categorically refuse to drag you all into my pit trap without making you understand that you will learn things. Please come learn things with me

actually looking back on it now given seigi's usual fare Beauty reigned supreme is subtle for real. good job seigi. You're winning

Richard slid his finger over two squares to the right, pointing to a picture of a stone that was more purple than red and not particularly clear. "If it were between this ruby, ruby A, which has not undergone heat treatment, and ruby B, a stone of a much higher grade that has, which do you think would be considered more valuable?" "Uh... Hm..." Which one would it be? The natural stone? No, it couldn't be that easy. "I think someone would prefer to wear the redder one, and a layperson wouldn't know anything about heat treatment, so I guess ruby B, the higher-grade stone that's been heat treated." "Correct again." "Ooh!"

I was going to put phoenixheadinhands here for seigi's Ooh! because I think hes cute but I need to save image slots for later and also I think you might think phoenixheadinhands is overreaction to seigi Ooh! and you're probably right. chronicling it anyway because I Like To Be Level With You .

"...What do you think her angle is? Maybe it was a gift?" "I'm generalizing here, but people typically want to know the value of something when numbers are important than feelings." Meaning when people wanted to let go of something and turn it into cash. But would someone just looking for quick cash really go out of their way to visit a jewelry shop in Ginza? Judging from her behavior when she was in here, she didn't seem very concerned about money. The more I thought about it, the more mysterious it became. Richard snapped the lid of the jewelry box shut. The very standard black box still looked brand new. "So this is your first ruby, huh? You should consider yourself lucky. You're one of the few people to ever lay eyes on a ruby of such high quality."*

*look I'm not gonna say anything. Also not going to say anything about the everythingelse Look this is a big fucking gun. it's a really big gun. just walk with me.

Richard ended the conversation by declaring it would be a fruitless endeavor. I actually liked how uncompromising he could be. Maybe he was so resolute in his opinions because he worked in an industry that involved dealing with people from all over the world, who might not share the same ideas of what constituted "common sense." It was such a simple, yet valiant attitude. He was so unreasonable that he wouldn't drink anything but water out of a plastic bottle, and he was very particular about cleaning, but he was a good guy at heart. Well, I was pretty sure he was, at least. No other customers came by after that. After we closed up shop at five and I said goodbye to Richard, I wandered around Ginza on my way home. If I were being honest, I'd never really thought much about my criteria for selecting a romantic partner. There were just two callous options: You either have a girlfriend, or you don't. And I'd never had one. Though, truthfully, I was always so busy I never really felt all that desperate to start dating. But as of this moment, I already knew where my happiness lay.

thinking about volume two gripping my head and groaning in agony. Moving on.

As a student enrolled in the economics department of Kasaba University, I couldn't help being excited for Mondays. I had my compulsory English class on Monday. The professor was brutal, especially when it came to attendance, and to make matters worse, it was in building 15—the one without an elevator. The class was harsh enough that you might even be forced to retake an exam if you didn't score high enough.

Shouko Tanimoto. She was the same age as me and a second year in the education department: a delicate, raven-haired angel with soft curls styled into a bob. I was pretty sure her favorite color was white, since I frequently saw her wearing skirts and blouses in that color. I thought it looked very good on her.

TANIMOTO-SAAAANNNNNNNNNN hi pretty girl :)

We'd first met last month, after an information session about the different departments at the university. The crosswalk across the main street near campus was always incredibly crowded during breaks—I was pretty sure only Shibuya and Shinjuku station had crosswalks to rival it. At any rate, I was at the crosswalk when I saw a little old man walking toward me. He looked unsteady on his feet, like he could fall at any moment. That was when a short girl who'd been walking in front of me turned as she passed him, offered him her arm and asked if he was all right. She supported him as he walked, even though her bag was heavy with textbooks and she was heading in the opposite direction. I'd initially meant to just pretend I hadn't seen anything and keep walking, but I slipped over to the other side of the road, grabbed the old man by the arm, and threatened him. "Sir, I don't know how many times I've seen you cross this road today, but it's been more than a few. And you're always clinging to a different girl." The old man let out a little squeak and took off so fast in the opposite direction that it was hard to imagine he was the same person. The area was too crowded to go after him. After I'd crossed to the side I was originally headed for, I regretted what I'd done. If I hadn't said anything, the girl would have been none the wiser and wouldn't have to feel gross about the whole incident. I bowed my head and apologized, and her eyes went wide. "Why are you apologizing? You helped me. I should be thanking you." Her carefree smile made me worry, so I ended up sticking my nose in somebody else's business again. "Even if people look like they're in need of help, there are good ones and bad ones out there.* So you should be more careful." She tilted her head as she walked and smiled again. It was strange. Every time she smiled, I felt like the world got a little brighter. "You're not wrong. But I can't tell a bad person apart from someone who really does need help just by looking at them, so I'd rather help regardless. I wonder if there's a better way to go about it..." The moment she got this bashful look on her face was the moment I fell for her. It even made my own encounter with that old man on the way to class, when I'd offered to walk him to his destination and he scrambled for an excuse and ran off, seem like a sign from the universe or something. I got her name and what department she was in, and the moment I found out we had one class in common, I knew it was fate. She came in first thing in the morning, and I wanted to talk to her, so I came in early on Mondays. Tanimoto spoke slowly. There was always this gentle air about her, and only her. Her friends would tease her, calling her an airhead, but that didn’t seem to bother her at all. If Richard was a crystal clear gemstone slumbering at the bottom of a lake, Tanimoto was a powdered sugar fairy living in the ceiling of a bakery. I felt I could smell the sweets just sitting next to her. From what I could hear from the other girls, it didn't sound like she was dating anyone, either. I wanted to date her so badly. If only I could. I desperately wanted to ask her out. I wanted to walk down the street with her, holding hands. I wanted to go places with her—to the beach or the mountains, anywhere. I couldn't shake the feeling that if I brought it up out of the blue, she'd shut me down in two seconds flat. For as hot as the fire of love was burning in my heart, I had no way to put it out either.

*belatedly realized this is anotherfucking gun Anywa

"Seigi, what's that?" "Huh?" She was pointing at the reference book on minerals I had sitting next to my textbook. I'd borrowed it from the university's main library on my way in, but it was all chemical formulas and stuff—a futile effort for a liberal arts student like myself.

he's just like meee.....

"Seigi, do you like rocks?" "Huh?" Tanimoto flashed me a smile in my confusion. The way she was looking at me made it seem like she was hoping for something. Maybe, just maybe... ...Tanimoto likes gemstones? "I'm researching heat treatment right now!" I began to babble. Tanimoto's chunky bangs swayed softly as she tilted her head to listen. She squinted at me, like someone wearing glasses that weren't the right prescription. Maybe I was being too forward. Maybe I'd made the wrong call. Why the hell did I bring up heat treatment, of all things? Is that really what you talk to a girl about when you're all alone together in a classroom? I screwed up. This is it. I've messed it all up. While I was panicking, Tanimoto turned her head again and said, "Heat treatment for what kind of stone? Or are you just researching it in general?" "Huh?"

seigi how many Huh?s is that now. thats three Huh?s seigi. in so many sentences. lets regroup. do it for your angel tanimoto-san.

"Heat treatment is pretty typical in the world of gemstones. Beryl, quartz, and corundum are the obvious ones, but there are plenty of other stones that change their properties when they're heated." I was so surprised I felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room for a few seconds. Then, I was overcome with intense joy. It was like finally seeing the light break at the other end if a very long tunnel. That was the level of emotion I was at. I'd gotten through to her. The bits and pieces of things I'd picked up at my part-time job since this spring helped me get through to her. I wished for just that day—that moment—that I could be Richard. Face included.

you didn't need to bring him up... seigi....

"Yeah, I was looking into the heat treatment of rubies!" "So corundum, then. That's the scientific name for ruby and sapphire." "Right, I've heard that before! I stumbled on the term 'pigeon blood' recently, too." "...Seigi, you know that term means something very special." Tanimoto said with an impenetrable expression and smile on her face, turning into a completely different person than the one I'd known. "Pigeon blood rubies are extremely valuable. They're only found in a particular mine in Myanmar. Rubies are found elsewhere, like Thailand, Sri Lanka, and other parts of Asia, as well as Mozambique in Africa, but the highest quality rubies have always come from Myanmar." She continued, saying that due to geopolitical and supply instability, the prices of the highest quality specimens had skyrocketed. With a smile, she added that even the most beautiful of lights still cast shadows. Her tone wasn't one of half-hearted small talk—it was the tone of someone with strong opinions. So was her expression. "Did you know that rubies and sapphires are technically the same mineral, Seigi?" "I-I did, but... I still don't understand why they're different colors." "To put it simply, they have different impurities in the stone. Corundum is a kind of aluminum oxide, but if a stone has trace amounts of chromium in it, it'll be red, while iron and titanium will produce blue and purple stones. Which means there are techniques for manipulating color, too." "Wow...!" The more she talked, the faster she spoke. Her expression was stern and her voice low—there was a vague atmosphere of solemn dignity about her. She hunched over, crossed her legs, and tensed her eyes so much that it almost looked like someone had drawn a straight line in permanent marker under each of them. This was no bakery fairy standing in front of me but something else. Something more— "Oh, I'm so sorry!" Before I could put my finger on just what she reminded me of, Tanimoto stomped on the brakes. I was so startled I actually gasped. She giggled bashfully, and her face momentarily returned to her usual fairy-like state, though traces of the stern wrinkles about her eyes remained. "I, uh, just really love stones is all. Once I get going, I just can't stop. I'm really sorry."

difficult and even a bit of a narcissist Seigi hes gonna get you back for this. he will get you back. also tanimoto-san I Love You

every time seigi says something lame and econ major-like I cheer

"Good point. My boss said the same thing." "Hmm." Tanimoto let out a listless sigh, and her eyelid twitched. "...Seigi, lemme ask you something. Do you think of gemstones as assets? Or accessories?" "I think they're a little of both, but they can be more than that, too." "Why?" Why? Because I wouldn't consider my grandmother's ring an "asset" or an "accessory." But how was I supposed to explain that? I'm just a part-timer who doesn't know the first thing about gemstones. Tanimoto giggled as I got flustered. She was so cute. So damn cute. "Sorry, I guess I kinda brought the conversation to a weird place. But stones really aren't that complicated. I mean, you're not gonna die without precious gems after all, and I can't think of anyone who really hates them, you know? I think stones have a kinda, like inherit goodness to them." "Yes! Exactly! I think so, too. They might be accessories, or useful ways to bank value, but they're so much more than that... I think they have the power to connect people. And I think that's what I like about them... yeah." I didn't think my explanation was elegant enough to justify even an extremely generous comparison to Richard, but I'd said what I wanted to say. I figured as long as I got the idea across, that was good enough. While I was thinking, Tanimoto tensed her eyes up again and leaned forward—the "other" her was back. "Now I don't want you to think of this as the opinion of an amateur geologist but just as a personal, touchy-feely opinion." "Sure..." After repeating her lengthy preamble again, Tanimoto began, "Stones that are considered 'good' as assets or accessories are usually especially beautiful or rare ones. Like pigeon blood rubies. And that's why we developed the technology to find and reproduce stones of the highest standard of beauty. But there's something kind of cold and sad about chasing beauty defined only by numbers and standards." "You think it's sad?"

"Why? I wanna hear more! I wanna learn more about stones, but I have no idea where to even start. Honestly, I'm so happy right now that I don’t even know how to say it." "...You mean it?" I told her "thank you," and she flashed me a divinely sweet smile. Then she told me that she was the president of her high school geology club, and for some reason they'd given her the nickname "Golgo Tanimoto." I spent class with my head in the clouds, but afterward, we exchanged numbers. I finally, finally did it. And the cherry on top was that she invited me to join her for lunch. Campus was like an alternate dimension when we walked together. I was almost too happy. I had a hard time believing it was real. I felt like someone might throw water in my face at any moment to wake me up and tell me it was all a dream. Unfortunately, reality really did come knocking. "Excuse me, are you Mr. Seigi Nakata?" A man I'd never seen before stopped me just as we stepped out of the gate. He must've been about thirty. He had bright, childlike eyes* and wore an expensive suit. His clothes seemed suited to a more mundane job than Richard's. And, of course, I'd never met him before.

*for the sake of image count it’s not here but I annotated this ?? okay

"I am, but who are you?" "I'm sorry for dropping in on you like this, but I only need a moment of your time. It won't take long." "How did you know my name?" "I can explain, but let's go somewhere a little more private. If you don't mind." "Um, Seigi, maybe I should bow out here." "It's about the jewelry shop in Ginza. If you don't mind." The man didn't seem to pay any attention to how upset I looked. Clearly this guy didn't know what the phrase "If you don't mind," meant. Maybe Richard should give him a Japanese lesson. Painful as it was, I watched Tanimoto leave and followed the man into a local coffee shop. He ordered two coffees. Why am I here with a strange man and not Tanimoto? "...So, what do you want from me? Who are you?" "My name is Takashi Homura. I'm sorry for approaching you out of the blue like that." He handed me the second business card I'd ever received in my life. The first was, of course, Richard's. The company listed on the card was Homura Trading and the address was in Marunouchi—a business district with rents to rival Ginza's. I didn't ask, but he told me that he worked for his family business. Apparently, he was training to become assistant manager. I couldn't have cared less. He pulled a file from his leather bag and showed me a photo. It was a picture of him and a woman with long black hair. They stood in front of a fountain surrounded by tulips, awkwardly linking arms. The woman's face was familiar. She was Ms. Akashi, the woman who brought the ruby in for appraisal. "She's my fiancée. She came by the shop you work at part-time, right?" "...How do you know where I work?" "It's a long story, but I had someone investigate her recent activities. I'm sorry for scaring you." "You had 'someone' investigate her? You mean a private investigator, right? If one of my friends was dating someone like you, I'd tell her to break up with you because she could find someone better." "I can explain. You don't have to stay long, but please hear me out." He bowed deeply and began to explain. He'd met Ms. Akashi almost exactly a year ago. He fell in love with her when she started working for Homura Trading last spring, they got to know each other and eventually became engaged. The parents were on board, and they were on the verge of getting married. "But it's just not working out. She said yes, but she's been dragging her feet, and we're not getting anywhere on making arrangements. I was so excited for the ceremony, and we decided to hold it in August of this year, but there's no way it's happening at this rate. I think it's been going on way too long for it to just be anxiety about the wedding. It's driving my mother crazy... I told her she could just talk to me about it if there was some reason for all this, but she won't tell me anything. I didn't know what else to do." "Why are you coming to me about this? Your behavior is bizarre." "I'm not doing it anymore, but I had her followed for a month." "More like stalked." "During that month, the one thing she did that was different from her usual routine was visit the jewelry shop you work at." "So you decided to follow me to school?" "I'm so sorry. I'll get right to the point. If you have any idea why she was there, could you please tell me, if you don't mind? I just need some kind of clue, however small."

This was probably going to be my lunch. I really should have ordered some pasta so I wouldn't be distracted during my afternoon classes, but I didn't want to eat in front of this guy. He was so stressed I couldn't help feeling bad for him.

‘instantly’ is so funny to me seigi we were celebrating Top 20 #BITCH Moments hit after hit after hit after you were dragged away from tanimoto but NOW you ‘instantly’ feel bad. bleeding heart. bleeding heart who is also a bitch. silly guy Don’t kid yourself. also what’s the count on seigi mentioning richard apropos of anywhere from very little to literally nothing. it’s a lot right

"I don't expect you to understand. I know full well how selfish I'm being, but this was the only lead I had." "...Do you have any idea what your fiancée might have been doing in a jewelry shop?" "Last winter, I gave her a ruby. A brooch with diamond accents. She really liked it... or at least I thought she did when I gave it to her. Maybe I was wrong, though..." He trailed off. I thought so. She hadn't bought that brooch for herself. That's why she wanted to know if the stone had been heat treated and why she didn't know what it had cost. Maybe she really did intend to sell it. "Please. Not knowing is the worst thing in the world. I can't bear the thought of losing her." "Look, I'm sure Ms. Akashi has her reasons. Why can't you just accept that?" "Ms. Akashi?" Huh? The two of us referenced the photo again, and I pointed at Ms. Akashi. She did look a little less gaunt than she was when I saw her at Richard's shop, but her smile was identical—kind of stiff. "Isn't her name Mami Akashi?" "No, it's Mami Sasu." "Sasu?" The two of us exchanged confused looks. He definitely didn't look like he was lying, and he didn't have any reason to lie either. Which meant she'd used a fake name. "I wonder where she got the name 'Akashi' from. There's no one at the company with that name." "Maybe it's a relative's name?" "No, no one related to her is named that, either. Or... at least no one she introduced me to." Suddenly, he looked like an elementary schooler who'd been given the homework for someone in junior high. Funny, considering I thought he was a deplorable villain just moments ago. I thought back to Ms. Akashi storming in and out of the jewelry store. “...Sorry, I have to go. I've got class." I bowed and got up. I knew I couldn't stay there any longer. I'd probably already said something I shouldn't have. I hate this. I really hate it. I'd never shop at a place with an employee who'd sell out customers. I heard Mr. Homura say "thank you" as I left. If I were him, I wouldn't wanna thank the person secretly reporting on a person I loved. I didn't even know who the bad guy was in this situation: the man who hired a private detective to follow his girlfriend around, the woman who used a fake name to get a gemstone she was given as a gift appraised in secret, or the part-timer with loose lips? I left the coffee shop and noticed I'd gotten a text from Tanimoto. It was short, "Everything go okay? We should talk again sometime!" I was so, so happy. Too happy. I realized that if we did start dating and she started acting weird, I could see myself hiring a private investigator, too. I guessed the more you liked someone, the more it could go to your head. After I finished my afternoon classes, I made up my mind: The next time Ms. Akashi aka Ms. Sasu came to the shop, the first thing I would do was tell her what happened today and apologize. She would probably be mad, and I was sure Richard would fire me, but it was the right thing to do.

I’d never shop at a place with an employee who’d sell out customers This is a massive massive gun to me. just horribly massive gun. give it like uhhh six or seven novels? don’t remember Just trust me. anyway refer to phoenixheadinhands Anyway anyway this one was marked in place by richard-gets-slammed.png

"Hold on, Seigi." My eyes went wide at Richard's response, and the person in the leather jacket glared at me. They had on skinny jeans and combat boots. I went back down the stairs, taking a ready stance on the white cobblestone. As the assailant slowly made their way down the stairs onto the sunlight walkway, I realized why I thought my ears were playing tricks on me when they spoke—the attacker was a woman. She was much smaller than Richard, too. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail. It was blonde fading to purple at the ends. She wore bright red lipstick and had sharp eyes. “‘This your shop? Which one of you is the dirty, woman-stealing bastard?” She must've been in her twenties, and she really looked like she belonged more in Harajuku than Ginza. Why on earth was someone like that attacking Richard? Richard fixed his shirt and came downstairs. The suitcase he was never seen without was fine. It didn't seem like the assailant had been trying to steal the gems. “...Lover's quarrel?” "Don't be foolish, I've never met this woman before."

You two are sick.

Apparently, she'd come at him just as he was about to enter the shop. Bizarre. The strange woman glared at me beneath the dull shine of the overcast sky. "You wanna go? This is gonna be fun. Come at me. Underestimate me and you'll regret it." "I'm opposed to using violence against women. Please state your business.["]

💥💥💥

- another gun

["]Who is this 'woman-stealing bastard' you're so concerned about? And just who are you?" "Tatsuki Akashi. Twenty-seven years old. I'm a bassist working as a studio musician in Shibuya." Akashi? This Tatsuki Akashi opened her wallet and took out a photo to show us. It was a picture of two women, having fun in what looked like a bar. "Do you know this woman? Tell me everything you know, I don't care how minor. I've got a situation I'm dealing with." The photo was of Tatsuki Akashi, wearing a Japanese national football team uniform, with a big smile on her face and an arm around none other than Mami Sasu. Just as I was getting over the shock of that revelation, I heard someone drop something on the path behind me. It was a brown shoulder bag. And a long-haired woman was standing there. Mami Sasu. Tatsuki reacted first. Mami tried to run, but Tatsuki chased after her and grabbed her hand. "Mami! I finally found you!" "Let go of me! I don't want anything to do with you anymore!" "Do you have any idea how worried I was?! How dare you just up and disappear like that!" The two women began to grapple in the middle of the street. This was not good. Not good at all—but just as that thought crossed my mind, a black taxi pulled up in front of the building. Takashi got out, clearly panicked. "What is wrong with you?! Get away from Mami!" "Oh, are you the woman-stealing bastard? Finally, we meet. You better clench your damn teeth!" "Don't! He's my fiancé!" Mami shouted.

okay did you guys know that the very first episode of La rosa de Guadalupe is rated a 4.8/10 on imdb. I never did watch it as a kid. I’ll tell you what though if I’m remembering faces right a telenovela I DID watch as a kid before or maybe overlapping with the ncisification of our household television time was Por ella soy Eva which I’m sure had no subconscious effects on me and who I am as a person now. Anyway. mess like this would net a way higher score than 4.8/10 on imdb. this was a visual gag before but you gotta understand I'm really stretching that 30 photo maximum

There was only one location in the area that could qualify as a café and was completely free. The owner of the devastatingly handsome face shot the three quarreling adults an ice-cold glare. "I will allow you to use my shop to settle this dispute on the condition that you do not damage anything inside. Understood?" The three of them all looked in different directions and nodded.

always so beautiful to see seigi in my minds eye standing just far enough away from the epicenter of mess. so beautiful for it to not be his fault for once

[…] I hastily prepared four glasses of barley tea from our stock. I didn't really feel like they needed to be served tea like they were customers, but I figured having drinks on the table might keep things a little more in check. Admittedly, that was just for my own peace of mind. Tatsuki and Takashi were seated across from each other in the four-piece lounge set. Richard had taken off his jacket and sat down next to Tatsuki, and across from him was Mami Sasu. I didn't have a chair, so I just stood by the table. I had a good view of everyone's faces from that position. Mami's hands and face looked almost uncannily pale as she sat in the chair, staring intently at her hands clenched in her lap. "Mami and I have been seeing each other for seven years. We were even living together until the winter of the year before last." ...Why did you have to mention that now?" "Because you up and left without telling me!" "Keep your voices down. This is my place of business, not a prison visitation room." Tatsuki hung her head a bit, ashamed, before continuing. She explained that in winter of the year before last, Mami, who she'd been living with up until that point, suddenly disappeared from their apartment. Her phone number had been disconnected and all her contact information had changed, and she'd gotten rid of all her things. Tatsuki frantically searched for her, to no avail. Just as she'd concluded that she must have left the city, a colleague of hers mentioned that they'd spotted a long-haired woman who resembled Mami in Ginza. Tatsuki couldn't contain herself and rushed over. This all happened to line up today. The worst of all possible days for such a coincidence. Tatsuki said they'd been "seeing each other" for seven years. You wouldn't phrase it like that to your friend's fiancé if you were just friends and roommates. More than anything, the vibe between them definitely didn't seem to be just friendship. So it was probably exactly what it sounded like.

refer to phoenixheadinhands.

"I'm sorry for tryin' to beat your ass earlier. All the info I had to go on was that there was an 'unbelievably hot man running a strange store' and that they'd 'seen Mami go into it.' The blood just went straight to my head. You really are unbelievably hot, but there's nothing strange about this store." "I'm flattered that you think so, but I would suggest trying to use your words before you grab someone by the collar next time."

Okay richard do you wanna take this time to maybe reflect on why seigi called you narcissistic earlier

"Um, Ms. Akashi, was it? Just what are you to Mami?" Takashi threw a straight ball, though I got the sense that he probably didn't even know how to throw a curve ball. He seemed the calmest next to Richard, even if that was ultimately just a front. Tatsuki stared at him intently. "Would you be asking the same question if I were a man?" Takashi flushed and hung his head, embarrassed, as she threw a straight ball right back at him. Before she could press the topic further, Mami mumbled, "I fell in love with a man. That's why I broke up with you." An icy chill hung over the shop.

Sorry everyone but can we please stop doing this. it’s killing the vibe. is anybody even drinking seigi’s tea

Richard and I exchanged silent glances and remained focused on Tatsuki's behavior. I really wasn't in the mood to have to kick someone out for causing trouble. ...What are you talking about? You were just going to toss me aside like I mean nothing to you to be with him? Bullshit!" "I was trying to be realistic about my future." "You always did mistake pessimism for realism. You're just a coward. Or is the old, 'normal is better' Mami back again? I certainly haven't missed that side of you." "We couldn't keep living together like we were going to be young forever. I'd just found a new job and everything. It was perfect. You don't mean anything to me anymore. I want to start over. Just forget about us and move on with your life." "Let me stop you there," Richard interrupted. The more Mami spoke, the sicker she looked, and she never so much as glanced at Tatsuki through the whole thing. With wide-open eyes and through gritted teeth, Tatsuki let out a little, "I see how it is. ...So, I don't mean anything to you, huh? Fine. But you listen here, Mami, that's not even what I'm mad about. We were dating. Dating. Remember? For seven years. Why couldn't you have said one word—just one word—to me before you up and vanished? I thought you might be dead. I thought maybe you got mixed up in something crazy and were lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I went to the police. I talked to all your old friends. Awful thoughts kept me up at night. I was driving myself crazy asking myself if it was my fault." "Well, that's all on you." "Just calm down, both of you. Please." I tried to mediate in a low tone, but really, I was thinking about something entirely different. Part of Tatsuki's story didn't seem to add up. Mami met Takashi in the spring of last year. If that was also when they started dating, then Mami would have left Tatsuki's apartment the previous winter before she met Takashi. But then, why did she come into the shop using "Akashi" instead of "Sasu"? Richard must've noticed this as well but politely held his tongue. If I was going to make up for the mistake I made when Takashi caught me at school, this was my only chance. But the moment the thought crossed my mind— "Mami, why did you use the name 'Akashi' when you came here?" Takashi beat me to it.

man would it kill you to just sit quiet for once. once in your damn life.

Mami had a look of abject despair on her face. She'd gone from white as a sheet to the color of death. She glanced at Richard and then at me, grimacing. There was no way she couldn't know whose fault that was. There was probably nothing I could possibly do to earn her forgiveness at that point. Tatsuki was baffled. "What? Akashi? What's he talking about, Mami?" I couldn't say that Mami looked like she was enjoying herself in Takashi's photo from that spring, even if I was trying to be generous. But in Tatsuk's photo of her, she looked happy and healthy—almost like a different person entirely. "This situation seems to be more complicated than I thought, so let me explain my side. She and I have been engaged for a year, and the wedding is set for August. But I have a proposal." "Oh, shut up. Just get married or whatever." "Mami, I don't mind if you cheat on me," Takashi said. For a moment, I thought Takashi had lost his mind. Tatsuki seemed to have the same reaction, and the two of us just sat there in a state of wordless shock. Mami looked up, her face expressionless. Takashi smiled, like a young father trying to reassure his small child. It was a forced smile though. You could see it in his eyes. "I do feel a bit sad that you never talked to me about your past, but I know you had your reasons. But I have a suggestion: Couldn't you think of love and marriage as separate things? I love you, and that'll never change, no matter what happens. You can just marry me and keep going out with Ms. Akashi if you like. Then everything can proceed as planned." His smile sent a chill down my spine. He's proposing that his fiancée date someone else? What does marrying Mami Sasu actually mean to this man? What does he even like about her?

refer to phoenixheadinhands.

Tatsuki clicked her tongue, breaking the silence. "Who the hell is this little rich boy anyway? Gimme a damn break, do you even hear what you're saying?" "I do. I can simply think of an affair with another woman as her having a 'very good friend' rather than romance. It won't bother me." "Well, I'm sayin' it'll bother me!" "I believe Mami already said that you don't mean anything to her anymore." Tatsuki snapped. Richard intervened after Takashi took a punch to the jaw. He was about to get into it with her, and if we let him, the situation would have devolved into complete chaos from there. I got him in an armlock when he stood up, but he still fought me. Before I knew it, Mami had stood up and grabbed her bag. "Mami! Wait!" She glared at me in response and ran down the stairs. While the cat and mouse were fighting, the cheese ran away. I felt like I'd seen a cartoon like that when I was a kid.

jesus. how could this get worse, I hear you asking. Ha ha ha ha ha

"I have some idea. I'm sure I could track her down." "Please do. Let me help." "Seigi," Richard softly scolded me. My one saving grace was the fact that we had no other appointments that day. Though it was beyond too late, I confessed that I'd told Takashi her name when he ambushed me as I was leaving campus. I thought Tatsuki might hit me, too, but she was just flabbergasted. "Richard, I'm so sorry. I know you put your trust in me. Take it out of my wages for today or fire me, whatever you think is appropriate. I'll do whatever's necessary to apologize to Mami."

Tatsuki and I rushed out of the shop at the same time. When we got downstairs, she tossed a card at me. It had the logo of a bass clef on it, along with her contact information. "I'll search Shibuya. Check any place you wouldn't think twice about a young woman being alone! If Mami dies, I'm gonna kill you, that Homura guy, and your boss!" Tatsuki slipped into the parking lot behind the building and reappeared in front of the store on a motorcycle, racing down the street. I looked up at Richard's jewelry shop, brought my hands together, and bowed my head before running toward the subway station.

[BOMB] [BOMB] [GUNFIRE] [EXPLOSIONS] [WILHELM SCREAM] also étranger treated as a place to pray to Seigi I’m gonna fucking get you. I’m gonna get you.

[マヨらサーティンreference.png] <- keeping that marker in actually

There’s just something about knowing the person you like believes in you that gives you strength.

If I hadn't said anything to Takashi back then, things wouldn't have gotten this bad. I knew regretting it now wouldn't change anything, but I did desperately want a chance to make it right.

I asked people if they'd seen a woman with long black hair who seemed kind of unwell but came up empty-handed. Just as I was trying to figure out what to do next, I got a text. It was from Tatsuki.

"Asakusa Shrine. We'd go there every year for the first shrine visit of the year. If you're close, take a look around there, please. There was an accident in Sangenjaya, so the line's stopped. I won't be able to leave for a while."

Asakusa. I could get there on the Ginza Line. Takashi must've had his hands full searching Tokyo Station. I replied that I'd take the express line from Ueno and hurried down into the subway.

Asakusa was crowded with tourists going to see the Skytree on a Saturday afternoon. I slipped under the massive paper lantern. The stalls were so crowded that it looked like a theme park. Kimono shops, Ningyo-yaki stalls, candied fruit sellers.

I made it back to the main hall of Senso-ji. Immediately to its right was Asakusa Shrine.

The grounds of the shrine were so peaceful and quiet, it was hard to imagine the hustle and bustle of the shopping arcade was just a few hundred feet away. The guardian lion-dog statues seemed to be almost lounging atop the white sand—and there was a woman with long black hair sitting on a bench. She was holding something that looked like a milk carton, with her legs splayed out comfortably. She waved when she noticed me. I let out a weird sound.

"Mami!"

My feet sank into the white sand as I ran across the grounds. I couldn't even laugh about it. I sat down next to her, and Mami set the carton she'd been drinking at her feet. It had "sake" written on it and was mostly empty.

"Did Tatsuki send you here? You guys really don't know how to respect a person's privacy."

"Sorry. I mean it, I'm really sorry. This is all my fault. Richard had nothing to do with it."

"I know. I don't really care anymore." She laughed.

She looked desperate. She probably didn't want Tatsuki or Takashi to see her like that.

"This reminds me of the first shrine visit of the year. This place is always full of people. Tatsuki's family makes kimono, so every year, we'd get dressed up for our visit. People would always tell us we looked so pretty or ask if we were sisters, which would make Tatsuki a little mad, of course. She can be so funny... You know about otakiage events, right? People would bring the talismans they kept in their homes for the past year to this place to be burned and honored in a memorial service. There's always a huge pile of charms and talismans to burn…"

"I'm going to call both of them. Tatsuki and Takashi are both very worried about you."

"Just let me talk a little more. You can call them after. It doesn't really matter."

"Yes, it does matter! They're both frantically searching for you!"

"Every time I would see that pile, I'd find myself wishing someone would burn me up, too."

Mami coughed. I was about to call them when she reached out for my phone to stop me.

I knew she didn't really want to talk to me alone. She didn't really want to talk to anyone.

"...So are you just gonna sit here drinking forever?"

"That wasn't the plan at least. I wanted to finally make a decision."

She stared off into space with a dreamy look on her face as she continued. She wasn't even looking at me, "I thought I could make it work, but I guess I was wrong. In my head, I knew what I needed to do, but I couldn't make my body cooperate. I couldn't sleep. I tried to eat, but it'd all just come right back up. I started losing weight to the point that it was just disgusting. Takashi is such a nice man, too... I guess I was just never going to be capable of marrying a man. I hate myself."

"What's the big deal? You don't have to force yourself to get married! Plus, utilitarian relationships are the furthest thing in the world from romance—that's what my boss thinks at least."

"Do you think I don't know that? It doesn't matter what anyone else says, though. I don't like myself, and I'll never be happy with the way I am. I always wanted to be a normal woman who got married to a man she loves and lived happily ever after, and I've always despised myself for not being that person."

"It doesn't matter, Tatsuki..."

Mami let out another weird cough mid-sentence. She seemed unsteady.

“…I'm sorry for causing you all this trouble. This had nothing to do with you, but I didn't see any other way."

"Any other way?"

Just as I asked that, she collapsed onto the white sand. The empty paper carton toppled over without a sound, and a plastic bag full of empty pill packages fell out of her brown shoulder bag. Alcohol and pills. This was her plan from the start.

"Mami!"

I shouted at her and smacked her cheeks, but she wouldn't wake up. I don't know what to do. Make her throw it up? But how? I had no idea. Hospital. I have to get her to a hospital. Ambulance.

I started running as I called for an ambulance on my phone. I didn't see anyone in the nearby shrine office. I ran to the closest food stall, looking for help, and they told me there was a hospital in the back. The back? The back where? There were plenty of elements here designed to mourn the dead—Kaminarimon, the garden, the pagoda, the temple, the shrine. This wasn't a joke. Where the hell is the hospital?

The back wheels of the vehicle rolled up onto the white sand as the metal steed abruptly changed course.

okay richard who’s the knight in shining armor NOW?

She arrived precisely on time for her appointment: Saturday at eleven 'o clock. The royal milk tea was just the right temperature.

"We've been expecting you. Please have a seat."

Mami had cut her long hair to just below her ears.

She looked much healthier than when I first met her, but that wasn't the only reason she seemed more cheerful than before. She looked me right in the eye and smiled.

"It's been ages. Have you been well? You know, I nearly died in Asakusa last month."

"I'm well aware. That isn't very funny.["]

well to be honest with you it’s pretty funny to me. Sorry

"The stone is 3.05 carats, AAA grade, originating from Mogok in Myanmar. It has not been heat treated. Ten million yen would be a conservative valuation."

I almost dropped the tray of tea. Ten million. Ten million. The stone she so casually dumped at the shop was worth ten million yen.

Mami seemed only a little shocked by the value. She let out a half-hearted "I see," and looked at the brooch that had finally been returned to her. She looked as though she were staring in a mirror.

[…]

Her hand under the jewelry box shifted, making the pigeon blood stone glimmer in the light.

"I also read that because we've only had heat treating technology for a few decades, no one knows what will happen to the stones in a century or so. Is that true?"

"If we're talking about modern heat treatment technology, it's conceivable someone may have said that. However, rubies have undergone heat treatment for over three hundred years. The process has a long history."

"The history of the pursuit of beauty, you could say."

Mami forced an awkward smile, went silent for a moment, and then began to mutter.

"I didn't regret my decision. I always wanted to be that girl. I didn't think what I was doing was wrong. But... as the wedding got closer, I started to feel afraid of my choice for the first time. And that's why I wanted to have the ruby checked."

She explained that if the ruby turned out to be heat treated, she would go through with the wedding. But if it wasn't, she'd rethink what she was doing. I guess that's what she meant by using it to tell her fortune. What on earth?

"Don't you have that backwards? I mean, a beautiful, untreated stone is way more valuable."

"All the more reason I shouldn't marry someone who would give me something like that. If only he'd given me some cheap trinket instead..."

I was so confused, my eyebrows started to twitch. Richard didn't say a word. Mami seemed to misunderstand the reason I was frowning.

"He's not a bad person. Sure, I was surprised he hired a private investigator, but it came from a good place. He might lose his cool sometimes, but... he really is a kind person."

I still wasn't sure exactly what sort of guy Takashi was. There were plenty of things about his behavior I wasn't crazy about, but he didn't seem irredeemably horrible, either. But that was probably why she considered marrying him.

don’t worry seigi look me in my eyes. You’ll never have to think about homura-san eeeever again after this. never ever.

"You must be tired from all that talking. Please, have some tea."

Mami took a sip of the tea at Richard's behest, and her eyes went wide. She stared at me.

"This is really good. Thank you."

"I learned how to make it from my boss," I said triumphantly.

Mami forced a smile and turned to Richard, "I believe you told him something to the effect of, 'utilitarian relationships aren't love.' That's a pretty powerful sentiment."

Richard shrugged, "You actually remembered that?"

I made an awkward expression, and Mami said to me with a smile, "Thank you for saving my life. It feels strange to be able to say that now, when I've wanted to die for such a long time."

She said it again. I had to wonder if she was really all right.

refer to phoenixheadinhands.

Richard pulled out the identification report and pointed to the "client" field. Mami's eyes went wide. It said "Mami Akashi."

"Could I trouble you to correct this? I do have to ask though, why did you use a false name?"

"...I'm so sorry. I don't even know, myself. I would use that name for fun when I was living with Tatsuki. Not that I've even said it at all recently..."

Mami took another sip of the royal milk tea I'd made. I couldn't say she was completely happy and free of worry, but she did look relieved. But what do I know, really?

"Um, so I don't mind if you don't want to answer this question, but why did you think it would be a good idea to force yourself to get married to a man?"

seigi loves to start an incredibly personal question like あのう…

"Why? Because that is what's considered 'normal' to most people in the world."

I looked confused. Mami continued.

"Do any of your friends live with their same-sex partner? Probably not, right? I'm not even talking about discrimination or harassment but the constant exhaustion of knowing you're not 'normal.' It's like trying to grow vegetables in the middle of the desert. I always wondered why I had to go through all this hardship that other people didn't, but maybe that's ultimately a grass-is-always-greener kind of thing."

"I mean, there are plenty of people who never get married, too."

"I know."

Mami told us about how she was raised. Don't cause other people trouble. Don't stand out too much. Live a normal life. Go to a normal school. Get married and have kids like a normal person. Raise them like normal. Grow old like normal. She was taught that this was the most comfortable, least remarkable, most trouble-free way to live. For example, she was taught to keep herself at a standard retail size when it came to clothing. Medium. The size that most people wear.

When she was on a school trip in junior high, a massive typhoon hit. Her home was destroyed, and her entire family died. News all over the country covered it as an unfortunate incident.

"That made me stand out a lot," she said, smiling while hardly moving the rest of her face. "Tatsuki and I are polar opposites. She hates 'normal.' She's the kind of person who makes her own clothes. I found it charming when we met, but when we lived together, we were so poor. I couldn't see a future for us, so I couldn't help thinking that maybe 'normal' really was better. I wanted to have an easier life. That's why I went back to full-time work, too."

"But it wasn't easier at all, was it?"

"Sure wasn't. Deathly so."

Mami laughed. Her laugh sounded so much brighter than her desperate voice back at the shrine, but I couldn't help still feeling worried for her.

"I don't think you should try that again. There are people who might die of grief if something were to happen to you. You'll be doing them a favor by valuing yourself more. This is starting to sound like a lecture, but I really mean it. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"You're probably right, but you know, it's still pretty hard to believe. It's weird, isn't it? I'm a total stranger with no family to speak of, but there are people I hurt just by treating myself like garbage."

"It is pretty weird. But when you love someone from the bottom of your heart, it changes you. I think that's only natural. I mean, maybe that's just what love is, right?"

But there was just something about her in that moment, like she felt unbearably sad, guilty, and heartrendingly happy all at the same time.

Mami wiped her eyes and looked at me like a displeased queen. "You don't look that much younger than me. Has anyone ever told you how presumptuous you are?"

"Sounds like somebody's just being a little childish to me."

"You know, you really are insufferable. Even if you did save my life."

I smirked, and Mami let out a slightly bashful laugh. That was the first time I felt like I could understand how the people who spent that day running around Tokyo and crying over her felt.* She really was charmingly awkward.

*- guy who spent that day running around tokyo over her. seeeiiiiigiiiiiii........

My boss, who had been silently listening the whole time, nodded, took a sip of his tea, and set the cup down.

"Ms. Sasu, do you know what a carat is?"

"You mean like how this ruby is 3.05 carats?" Mami confirmed.

"Exactly," Richard nodded. Then he looked at me, "Seigi, do you still remember what carats measure?"

“...They're a unit of measure for the weight of gemstones. One carat is 0.2 grams."

He replied with a "bravo." The question made me remember the time I'd asked him why they used carats and not grams. It was the day Mami showed up in the store for the first time.

"It's said that jewelers in ancient Greece used carob seeds to measure the weight of stones. Each of those seeds weighed around 0.2 grams. In Greek, the word for carob seed is 'kerátion,' which eventually became the word carat as we know it today."

One seed. One carat. I imagined someone with curly hair and dressed in a toga, placing seeds on a scale against a gemstone. I guessed seeds and gemstones were pretty similar in scale in terms of size and weight.

"In short, the carat is a unit of measurement created by jewelers specifically for gemstones and used exclusively for gemstones. It may not have the broad utility of centimeters and kilograms, but it's still useful for weighing gems. Of course, you could convert it to grams, but personally I find a world with a variety of diverse units of measurement much more comfortable, beautiful, and rich for it."

Mami giggled, like she understood something.

"Despite your cool and collected demeanor, you're quite passionate, aren't you? Well, I hope to be someone who makes the world a richer place, too."

:)

"Everyone has their own universe, but the main difference is whether they turn their back on it or embrace it to cultivate it into a deep, bountiful sea. You mentioned using the stone to tell your fortune earlier, but the thing is, gemstones are mirrors that reflect their owners. You would have never received an answer that you didn't already desire."

“......"

"Ms. Sasu, I believe you already had your answer the moment you set foot in this shop."

“…I guess I'm the only one who didn't know that."

Richard flashed her a gentle smile that reminded me of a calm sea. I was kind of shocked to learn he could make an expression like that. Mami smiled meekly. She was a pretty impressive person to be able to ignore that face of his.

then here comes gayboy interrupting a tender moment of connection anyway #LESBIAN

"So, about the charge for the identification report. How much was it again?"

[…]

"It's on the house. I believe what you need right now isn't fine jewelry but to turn your gaze inward to your own sparkling beauty. Should the day come that you desire a gemstone that matches your own inner luster, please contact me. I promise I'll find you the perfect piece."

"Thank you. You've really gone above and beyond for me."

Mami bowed deeply, put the brooch away in her shoulder bag, and left the shop.

I was still a little worried, so after a moment, I poked my head out to watch her leave. I was greeted by the rev of a motorcycle engine as a bike with two people on it sped past.

“...You know, I've thought this ever since we were coming back from Kobe on the Shinkansen, but you really are a bleeding heart, aren't you? You care more about your customers' well-being than profit. Or are you thinking about how you sometimes have to take a loss to profit in the long run?"

"I'm not sure you'd call this a loss. I made a connection with Mr. Homura."

"With Takashi?"

"I met with him once more after the incident. His family are avid jewelry collectors. We already have plans for me to show them several pieces when next we meet."

I shouldn't have expected anything less from a globe-trotting salesman. If someone had a stone that incredible to begin with, landing them as a customer would probably be profitable in the end. He did sound a little embarrassed about it, though.

"What'd Takashi say?"

"Just that if I had any good stones, he wanted to see them. That's all."

“...Huh."

- words that won’t be of any consequence several novels from now

He was a pretty baffling person, too. I still couldn't believe he told someone he was really in love with that he didn't care if she cheated on him. Though at the same time, if you were really, painfully in love with someone who was truly hopeless... I could see how you might come to the conclusion that it didn't matter if you weren't number one in their heart, as long as you could be by their side. No matter what form that took, or how much you had to give up. I felt like I could understand that a little, at least.

But only just a little. I wasn't saying I understood pain so bad that it made you want to die.

"Prejudice isn't a question of preference but one of whether you are offering other human beings the bare minimum courtesy of treating them as human."

Richard cleared his throat when I said that was what I loved about him.

everybody do me a favor and look up 'hayao miyazaki smoking stressed'. thanks. Seigi I kind of hope you die

Richard looked at me like he was waiting for something, and I just smiled at him. "You know, you really are shockingly handsome, even when you frown."

The implication being, "test me all you like." I had reflected on my actions after that incident, after all.

STOP! ❌ ✋ 🛑 🙅 🚫 ALTO! SEIGI ヤメロ

Suddenly the displeased look left Richard's face and was replaced with a smile—like flipping a switch. It was strange, though, like a doll made of ice smiling. So beautiful it was terrifying.

"Thank you very much. I think I have a thorough understanding of where you're coming from."

"D-do you now? Well, good. You know, you're kinda… scary right now."

"We've run out of our stock of sweets. Would you run out and buy some more?"

dumb stupid idiot’s Last Ever Task. how the fuck am I gonna fit all these photos. Oh well

"This is too much. I can't buy all this. What are you thinking?"

Just as I fired off that text, another one came in. It wasn't from Richard. My heart skipped a beat the moment I saw the name "Tanimoto."

"Hi, Seigi! Is it true that you were in a sports car in Asakusa? My friend who works at a shop near the temple said the driving was incredible! Sounds like it was a really interesting game of hide-and-seek!"

What a misunderstanding. What a massive misunderstanding. And it was already being embellished in the telling.

I didn't even want to look at it. I didn't even notice that I was on a different message chain when I fired off a reply.

"Is that sports car yours, Seigi? Show it to me sometime!"

I'd sent my "got it!" in reply to Tanimoto's message.

The phrase "just deserts" came to mind.

it really should be ‘just desserts’ given our circumstances

I bought everything on the list and returned to the shop where Richard greeted me like everything was normal. He hadn't done anything wrong. Really, he hadn't.

(he had.)

It was all my own fault.

(it was.)

I'd understood the point he made but failed to put it into practice.

boy did you.

and that concludes this edition of Seigi Sunday on “The Ruby of Truth”. on this [punctual] [Sunday].