#this one is even worse than 'Kaeya is a segment of Pierro' because this makes no sense in universe and in a metatextual context | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cluescorner · 2 years ago

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NEW GOOFY IDEA FROM CLUE (In other news, the sky is blue)

Ok, so here’s my bullshit. It’s 100% incorrect and it came to me with all the subtlety of a freight train and all the lead-up of a sudden sneeze. But here it is:

Pierro is Kaeya’s dad. However, Kaeya also has ANOTHER DAD who I will call ‘General Alberich’ from here on out. Pierro and General Alberich were in the midst of a messy divorce when the cataclysm happened, but the apocalypse kinda backs up the family court system. After everybody got fucked up, Pierro and General Alberich had completely different ideas of what needed to be done and so they went their separate ways (Pierro deciding to make a new world with the Tsaritsa vs General Alberich trying to rebuild Khaenri’ah or whatever tf the Alberich clan is up to). Pierro wound up needing to leave everything behind in order to found the Fatui and so General Alberich effectively winds up with custody of Kaeya. So Kaeya is raised in the Abyss and is trained as the child savior of Khaenri’ah, then is left in Mondstadt to spy for the Abyss.

Fast forward like 18 years and now Pierro has received word from La Signora from her notes written pre-death that the current Cavalry Captain is some asshole named Kaeya Alberich (huh he looks kinda similar to the boss I wonder why ANYWAYS) and Pierro LOSES HIS SHIT because they went through that whole custody battle and the FUCKING APOCALYPSE only for General Alberich to put their kid in Mondstadt. Or maybe Kaeya ran away? Regardless, Pierro is now going to Mondstadt in order to find his kid and reunite with him + get him to spy for the Fatui. At roughly the same time, General Alberich is like ‘huh I haven’t heard from my son in a while maybe I should go check up on him’ and goes to Mondstadt to get Kaeya to keep spying for the Abyss. Meanwhile poor Kaeya is just living a relatively peaceful life in Mondstat and he just wants to keep doing what he’s doing and suddenly BOTH OF HIS DADS ARE POPPING INTO MONDSTADT AND ARE ASKING HIM TO START SPYING FOR THEM.

#genshin impact #clue's incorrect theories #this one is even worse than 'Kaeya is a segment of Pierro' because this makes no sense in universe and in a metatextual context #because Mihoyo would never include a canonically mlm couple in their games LET ALONE ONE IN WHICH THEY HAVE A SON TOGETHER #but I think this is really funny even if it is basically an AU #kaeya alberich #pierro #general alberich #IDK why I called him that I just couldn't come up with a name and that's what happened #I'll call this bullshit 'Kaeya has 3 dads bullshit'#because he's got his two alive dads and then Crepus who is dead RIP to a confusing king #imagine Diluc trying to figure out which dad to hate more #because like he's always hated Kaeya's bio dad but he always assumed that there was only one #and now there are two of them and one of them is the leader of the Abyss and the other is the leader of the Harbingers #so Diluc is actually I think who winds up the worst in this AU #but Kaeya is also having a rough time #because he has to keep his dads from destroying Mondstadt every 3 minutes #not because they want to destroy Mondstadt but because they keep arguing and fighting #and when you're both probably strong enough to kill Gods then your fights would probably destroy a city #IDK what this is #it's more of Clue's Bullshit and this time it's even more bullshit than usual #CW cursing

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