#this one has mentions of miluca

[justlightlysedated]

Soulmate 51!!!

51. Your soulmate’s current thoughts about you will show up on your skin for a short while.

Miss you, miss you, miss you, appears across the back of his left hand, a light tingling sensation like someone was passing their finger across his skin announces their presence just as Michael picks up his beer.

A warmth fuzzy and soft, simmers in the pit of his stomach, and he bites down on the smile that wants to spread across his face.

Instead he drops the beer back on top of the table, and closes his eyes thinking, I miss you, so much more.

When he opens his eyes, feels a little shocked to see Maria sitting across from him.

It had been almost six months since their break up, and with all of the restrictions in place thanks to the quarantine, Michael hadn’t had to try very hard to avoid her.

He hadn’t even heard her truck come up, probably too distracted by Alex. It’s been a while since Michael has fully embraced their soulmate bond, and over the last couple of months he and Alex have been leaving more and more messages on each other, deliberately thinking them at each other.

After hearing Alex sing that song, he couldn’t exactly keep his thoughts to himself, and when he’d run out of the bar, feeling a weird sort of embarrassment at the fact that everyone could see his thoughts spread across the backs of Alex’s hands and up and around his neck, almost like a collar.

Alex hadn’t followed after him, but the words, me too had settled around Michael’s left wrist like a snug bracelet.

"Is there something I can help you with, DeLuca?" He asks, covering the back of his hand with his other hand, almost automatically, so used to keeping the words that had sporadically appeared on his skin while they were dating away from her.

She opens her mouth and then closes it, brow furrowing, and looking a little frustrated, like the conversation isn’t going the way she thought it would.

Michael takes in the way she keeps licking her lips, and her shifty eyes, and her fidgety fingers, and the fact that her leg is bouncing so much the buckle of her boot is hitting the metal legs of the chair. 

And then he tilts his head to the side and takes in her outfit, something that he might’ve noticed right off the bat several months ago. She’s wearing one of those short jumper things, that he’s pretty sure he’s heard Isobel call a romper, in a brown color that very nearly matches her own skin tone, the neckline plunges all the way down, exposing a line down the middle of her chest with a thick black belt around her waist. Her hair was left curly and messy, the way that it usually looked in the mornings before she showered and took a straightener to it, the way that Michael used to tell her that he liked it.

She’s not wearing a lot of makeup, but the fact that she is, along with everything else, paints the picture of why she’s here for Michael, and Michael can’t help feeling both incredulous and a little bit angry.

Before he can say anything, Maria pushes her shoulders back, making the slit in the romper widen as she looks at Michael from beneath heavy lids.

"How've you been?" She asks instead of getting to the point. "It's been a while."

And the way she says the last sentence erases any doubts that Michael had in his head.

Maria was here not as an ex who was once a friend to check up on him, but as an ex who wants to keep reaping from the benefits of their failed relationship.

Michael hadn't been lying to Maria when he told her that he loved her, and it had hurt so much when she'd told him that it was over.

But it had hurt even more when Alex had told him that he was leaving, and it was then that Michael realized that while he did love her, he loved Alex more, and in a way that was completely different.

If Maria left today, and didn't talk to him again, Michael would go on living his life, maybe a little sad for a while, but he'd get over it.

If Alex decided to never speak to him again, Michael wouldn't die, but it would feel like he was.

It was that easy and that simple. So it's easy and simple, to grab his beer and take a long swig and then speak.

"I'm doing fine," he says, voice clipped, trying to copy how Alex talks to strangers who won't leave him alone at the bar. "Things are rough, yeah, but that's the same everywhere these days."

"I hear that," Maria says, chuckling a little and then making a hand at his beer. "You're not gonna offer me one?"

"I would," Michael says, taking the last swing of his beer. "If the beer was what you were here for."

Maria raises both eyebrows at that, almost like she hadn't expected to be caught out so soon, or like she'd been expecting for Michael to play along with her.

She tries to pull an innocent face at him, and then sighs, leaning back in her chair, and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Fine, you want the truth? The truth is that it's been months and I am a girl with a healthy sex appetite, okay? And my choices were either going to a super spreader event, the two numbers on my phone that I would consider only under dire circumstances, or someone who wouldn't mind having sex with an ex."

She says the last choice, voice a little breathy and gives him a pointed look that would've worked on him months ago, but it barely makes a flame flicker now.

"When did I ever give you the impression that I wouldn't mind having sex with an ex?" Michael asks, honestly interested in the answer.

Maria gives him an incredulous look back, as though the answer should be obvious, and it hits him almost like a ton of  bricks to the solar plexus.

"You're talking about Alex?" He asks, feeling even more incredulous.

"Obviously," she says, and then clears her throat, batting her eyelashes. "I know it's technically not the same thing, but I know you still had feelings for me when we broke up, and breaking up didn't just make my feelings disappear, so I was hoping you wouldn't mind, giving me a helping hand."

"DeLuca," Michael says, trying to sound earnest and kind. "I'm flattered. Really. But the answer is no."

Maria blinks at him a few times like he'd pulled a rabbit out of his hat, "Are you serious?"

She gives him a look like he would be an idiot to reject what she's offering, and there is a small part of him that is yelling at him to take the offer, because sex is sex, but he doesn't listen to that part because there is an even bigger part reminding him that Alex is coming back and that things will be different when he gets here.

"Yeah," Michael says, looking at her evenly.

Her eyes fall away from his face, just as he feels a tingling sensation across his forearm.

Michael lifts his arm to see the words as they appear.

Not possible.

Michael sees her noticing the words that must appear, and her eyebrows almost shoot off her face in her clear surprise.

"So that's why?" She says, sounding like she just figured something out. "You found your soulmate."

"I've known who my soulmate's been for a while now, DeLuca," he says. "Knowing that it was him didn't make it any easier for us to be together."

Maria frowns, "Your soulmate is a guy. But I thought that Alex was the only guy you've ever been interested in."

She says it with conviction like in the months that they dated they talked about their exes, but she never asked, and Michael never brought it up.

"I'm not straight with an Alex exception," Michael says, and he can't help the sneer when she fixes him with an incredulous look. "I'm bisexual, and I've been sexually attracted to and sexually involved with plenty of more men than just Alex."

Maria makes a face at that, like she doesn't understand, but Michael isn't a sex ed teacher, and he's not going to pull up charts and explain to her what she doesn't understand.

"What about Alex?" She asks, looking angrier by the second. "You're going to break his heart with this whole soulmate thing."

"Like you didn't come here with the intention of breaking his heart by propositioning me," Michael retorts.

Maria colors slightly, but doesn't back down.

She opens her mouth to keep speaking, probably to defend herself, but Michael shakes his head a little.

"Listen, Alex has nothing to worry about because he has a direct line to my thoughts about him at all times."

He gives her a pointed look and it still takes her a moment to realize it.

"Alex is your soulmate," she says, sounding both shocked and defeated.

"Yep," Michael says, popping the p, and wishing he still had another beer out here.

"How long have you known?"

"Since we were seventeen," he says and she makes a rude noise at the back of her throat.

She stares at him for a moment, stupefied and angry, "This was never going to actually work between us, huh?"

Michael just licks his lips, and gives her a helpless look, "Some things just aren't meant to be."

She nods her head sharply at that and then gets to her feet.

"Sorry, for bothering you, it won't happen again," she says and then turns to leave before Michael can say anything.

And then turns back around, "And please, don't tell anyone I was here. Me knowing that I fell low enough to do this is more than enough."

And then turns and actually makes it to her truck this time.

Michael lets the icy hurt that spreads across his chest at her parting words slide away.

Instead he looks back down at the words fading on his arm, and lets the warmth of knowing Alex is somewhere else thinking about him and missing Michael as much as Michael misses him, fill him up, chasing the rest of the chill away.

[jule1122]

Love confession prompt: “We need to stop dancing around it. All it does, is hurting us both!”

Dear Anon, thank you for the prompt. I am sorry it took so long, but the story got away from me. I hope you enjoy it!

It was only ever you on AO3

Summary: Five times Michael tried to interfere with Alex's love life and one time he didn't have to.

Yet another Malex getting back together story that includes a Forlex breakup, a brief positive mention of Miluca, some OCs that appear briefly. It is not S3 compliant.

Huge thank you to @im-the-punk-who for amazing beta work that not only made this a much better story, but also saved everyone from my repetitive sentence structure. All remaining mistakes are mine.

Title from "Afterlife" by Nothing But Thieves

1.

“You should take Forrest,” Michael tells Alex, handing him a flyer as they finish up yet another night of trying to figure out what Jones had been up to before he’d been sealed in that cave. “I mean there aren’t any Nazi’s, but it’s the right time period.”

Alex studies the advertisement for an exhibit on the role of Navajo Code Talkers in WWII featuring an opening night presentation by the grandson of one the original Code Talkers. It’s at the closest UNM branch, only about an hour outside of Roswell.

“Thanks?” Alex isn’t sure what Michael’s intent is.

“Come on, I can be thoughtful,” Michael responds playfully, bumping Alex’s shoulder as they exit the bunker.

“Sometimes,” Alex concedes, knowing how true it is. As the mysteries surrounding Jones multiply, Michael has been the voice of reason with his sibling - handling Max’s mood swings as he deals with losing Liz and discovering a possibly evil version of himself without reacting to them, supporting Isobel when she feels overwhelmed with Max’s issues. Alex considers himself lucky if Michael wants to extend his thoughtfulness to him.

Michael is right, Forrest is thrilled when Alex asks him about going to the opening night of the exhibit. He takes notes during the presentation and carefully studies each piece in the exhibit, filling Alex in when there is overlap in the research he’s been doing.

Alex follows along quietly. He’s almost overwhelmed by the amount of information, things he knows should already be familiar to him. Alex can’t help thinking about the family and history he’d lost when his mother left and he’s never been brave enough to reclaim. Part of him wishes he were here with Greg, and he wonders if Greg would come another night if Alex asked him.

“Are you ok?” Forrest asks, placing his hand on Alex’s arm to get his attention.

Alex attempts a smile, “It’s just there is so much information, and I wish it wasn’t all new to me. It makes me realize how much I’ve let that part of my heritage go. I was thinking about Greg, whether all this would feel familiar to him now. If he feels like a part of it now.”

“Is he the one who told you about this?”

“No,” Alex corrects him, although it is a logical assumption. “Michael gave me the flyer; he thought you might be interested in coming.”

“Alien guy,” Forrest brightens as he makes the connection.

Alex tried to hold back his smile at the nickname, but something must show on his face because Forrest’s expression dims.

“Oh,” he says softly. “Alien guy is also Song guy.”

There is no reason to deny it so Alex remains silent. He thinks about trying to explain, considers telling Forrest that he and Michael haven’t been together in years, but it’s not the whole truth, and he’s never been able to explain his relationship with Michael, even to himself. It feels wrong to even try, standing here surrounded by reminders of the courage and sacrifice of his ancestors when he’s never managed to find a way to talk about the man he’s loved for almost half his life.

“I guess we have more in common than just a love of the microfiche,” Forrest tries to joke, but it falls flat and they both know there isn’t anything left to say.

They leave shortly after and the ride home is long and silent. When Alex pulls into Forrest’s driveway, their relief is palpable, and they say goodbye quickly without an attempt at a kiss. It’s easier than it should be to let Forrest go. Alex enjoyed their dates, they’d made out a lot, even got each other off a few times, and while it wasn’t serious, Alex had thought it had the potential to be. But one mention of Michael, and he realizes he isn’t as ready to move on as he wants to be.

He doesn’t see Forrest again until the next open mic night a few weeks later. Even though he isn’t performing Alex is happy to support Maria and the event as an audience member. Forrest is the last performer before intermission, and he recites his poem without once looking at Alex. When he finishes, Alex claps politely before going to the bar for another drink.

Max is too busy to make much conversation so Alex doesn’t linger. On the way back to his table, he sees Michael and Forrest talking off to the side of the stage. Michael is speaking intently, leaning in with one hand on Forrest’s arm and the other gesturing around the bar. From what Alex can see Forrest is just listening; watching Michael with a combination of amusement and resignation.

Alex reminds himself that it’s none of his business and forces himself to continue back towards his table. He’s too far away to hear what Michael is saying anyway. A few minutes later, Michael sits heavily in the chair next to him, frustration evident on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asks.

“Nothing,” Michael snaps before looking away and visibly forcing himself to relax. “Sorry, it’s just there’s a problem with the equipment I thought I had worked out-” he pauses to glare at Forrest, “but apparently I need to find another solution.”

Everything seems to be working just fine as far as Alex can tell, and Michael doesn’t seem to be in the mood to talk about it so Alex lets it go and focuses on bracing himself for the sheer volume of Bert’s upcoming performance.

2.

“I was hoping you could do me a favor,” Michael says as he steps out of the airstream and hands Alex another beer.

Max had left about ten minutes ago, and Alex had considered heading home as well, but Michael had offered another round of drinks so he stayed. “Sure,” he replies, figuring there is nothing Michael would ask for that he would refuse.

“You know those online classes I’ve been taking?” Michael pauses long enough for Alex to nod. “One of my professors mentioned his laptop got some crazy virus and the school’s IT department couldn’t fix it. I may have told him I knew someone who could look at it.”

“That’s fine,” Alex agrees. “Just set something up and let me know. You know my schedule.”

“Thanks, maybe this will get me some bonus points.”

Alex rolls his eyes even though Michael isn’t looking at him. “Considering how often you remind me that you’re a genius, I don’t think you need any help with your grade, but I’ll try not to make it worse.”

“I guess I’ll have to trust you to have my back,” Michael teases. “Unlike Sanders who I swear is trying to ruin my life.”

“What did he do now?” Alex asks as he settles more comfortably into his chair. He knows from experience he could be here a while once Michael gets going about Sanders.

“He doesn’t listen for one. There’s this form we have to fill out when we take a car in for service. A form he had long before I started working there I might add. If I forget one little check box I never hear the end of it. Do you know what he does when he takes a car in?” Michael leans forward as he gets into the story.

“No, but I guess you’ll tell me.”

“He sticks a note on it that says ‘fix me.’ A note, Alex, not even a sticky note, just a ripped off piece of an old yellow legal pad he actually tapes to the windshield,” Michael throws his hands up in the air. “What am I supposed to do with that?”

“Fix it,” Alex replies, laughing when Michael sputters indignantly. For all Michael’s complaining, Alex can hear the warmth in his voice when he talks about Sanders now. Michael’s always been loyal to Sanders, but Alex doesn’t think he ever understood that those feelings were returned until he learned about Sander’s connection to his mother and his reasons for helping Michael.

“You’re as bad as he is, thinking I can read minds and figure out what’s wrong with it. That’s Isobel’s deal, not mine.”

“I don’t think that works on cars,” Alex counters. “So what did you do?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

Michael hangs his head, “I fixed it.”

They both laugh, and Alex accepts another beer.

A week later a man approaches his booth when Alex is on his second cup of coffee at the Crashdown.

“Alex?”

The laptop he’s holding gives him away as the professor Alex has been waiting for. He’s younger than Alex expected, probably less than ten years older than Alex. His pressed jeans, button down shirt and casual blazer make him look like he stepped off every college brochure Alex remembers getting in the mail.

“Professor Taylor,” Alex smiles but doesn’t stand up.

“Yep, how’d you know?” When Alex looks pointedly at the laptop he’s clutching, he laughs and runs his free hand through his hair. “Right, please call me Ben. And you were easy to find. Michael told me to look for the best looking guy in the place.”

Alex quirks an eyebrow at him because that doesn’t sound like something Michael would say.

“Well, he told me you would be the guy who looks irritated by life because he’s on his third cup of coffee instead of drinking the milkshake he really wants, but I think my description stands.” He blushes slightly and that’s when Alex notices the rainbow and bisexual flag pins on his jacket. He wonders what else Michael said about him.

“That sounds more accurate, but this is only my second cup of coffee,” Alex reaches for the laptop. “Michael said you had a virus you can’t get rid of?”

Ben sits next to him in the booth instead of across the table. He opens the laptop and slides it over to Alex. “I promise it’s not from watching porn.”

Alex doesn’t even try to hide his smirk, “So it’s definitely from watching porn.”

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” Ben winks at Alex.

“Right.” Alex starts working. Ben looks disappointed when Alex moves to the far side of the booth but he doesn’t follow.

Once Alex gets into the computer, he knows it will be a relatively easy fix. He asks Ben about the classes he teaches and his enthusiasm for his subject matter makes for pleasant background noise. He reminds Alex a bit of Forrest, only focused on engineering instead of history.

After he takes care of the virus, Alex installs a stronger protection software and strengthens the firewall settings. He hands the laptop back to Ben. “You’re all set. I don’t think it will happen again, but I definitely recommend having separate computers for work and,” Alex clears his throat, “your more personal pursuits.”

Alex lets his amusement show clearly on his face. And while Ben blushes a little, he doesn’t look away. Once his laptop is back in his bag he stands up, and waits to see if Alex will follow. When Alex remains seated, Ben leans against the table, and reaches for Alex’s hand.

“I can’t thank you enough. I have some research on here I really can’t afford to lose.” He shakes Alex's hand, holding on for longer than necessary and smiling warmly. “If I have any more problems, I know who to come to.”

“You shouldn’t,” Alex repeats as he pulls his hand free. “But just let Michael know if you do. He can always hook us up again.”

“Of course,” Ben’s smile falters slightly. “Well, thanks again.” He waves on his way out, stopping at the counter to pay for Alex’s next coffee.

Alex texts Michael to let him know how it went. He barely has time to set his phone down before Michael slides into the booth across from him.

“Were you waiting outside the door?” Alex asks, surprised at the speed of Michael’s arrival.

“Nope, just running some errands,” Michael holds his hands up, trying to look innocent. “That didn’t take very long.”

“Pretty simple fix, not much to do,” Alex shrugs.

“So are you meeting him again?”

“No, why would we? I told you I was able to take care of everything.” Michael is the one who suggested Alex look at the computer. He’s not sure why Michael seems so surprised he was able to fix it.

“You guys got along though, right?” Michael asks.

“I didn’t do anything to jeopardize your grade if that’s what you’re worried about. He should be completely satisfied with my work.”

Michael snorts loudly then tries to cover it up with a cough when the diners at the counter turn around to look at them.

“Anyway,” Alex glares at Michael. “He was nice, and I told him he could let you know if he had any more problems.” “Huh,” Michael leans back in the booth. “I guess that’s that.”

Before Alex can ask what he means, Javier finally comes over with the refill for Alex, and they decide to order lunch. Burgers and fries for both of them, and while Alex drinks the coffee Ben bought him, Michael orders a milkshake. When their food comes, Michael slides his milkshake to the middle of the table so Alex can dip his fries in it.

3.

When Alex walks into the Wild Pony he doesn’t see Michael straight away, so he heads to the bar. Maria looks busy but he catches Max’s eye and holds up two fingers, knowing Max is familiar enough with what he and Michael drink to take it from there.

Instead of delivering the drinks Max waves him over and when Alex reaches him he’s surprised to see three bottles on the bar. “Hey, you remember Danny Price, right?”

Alex shakes his head, the way Max is trying too hard to appear casual already setting him on edge.

“He was a few years ahead of us in school - he graduated with one of your brothers.” When it becomes clear Alex still has no idea who he is talking about, Max sighs. “Well, I guess he just moved back to Roswell, and Michael brought him in tonight.” Max points to a table in the back.

Michael is leaning forward in his chair, talking animatedly to a man who looks completely out of place in the Pony. He’s wearing what looks like an expensive suit and is sitting stiffly across the table from Michael. Alex reluctantly takes the beers and heads in that direction. He’s not sure why Michael would have invited him for a drink without telling him he was bringing someone else.

“Hey,” he sets the bottles on the table and tries to give Michael a questioning look, but Michael avoids his eyes.

“Alex,” he greets him with exaggerated cheer. “You remember Danny?”

The other man scowls at Michael and immediately corrects him, “It’s Daniel.”

“Alex Manes, nice to meet you,” he shakes Daniel’s hand, not bothering to pretend he remembers him at all.

“Pleasure,” Daniel replies coolly, quickly pulling his hand away and dropping it into his lap. He completely ignores the bottle Alex places in front of him.

Alex sits next to Michael and kicks him under the table. This is not the relaxing night he had in mind.

“So Daniel,” Michael emphasizes his name, “just moved back to take over his family’s law firm. I gave him a tow today when he blew a tire out on the highway. Thought I’d show him around a bit, get him caught up on the social scene since his boyfriend decided not to make the move.”

Now Alex knows who he is, or at least who his father is. Daniel Price Sr. was the go to lawyer for people like the Longs and his father. He knew how to make things go away if you had enough influence and money to grease the wheels of justice. Alex had been forced to speak with him a few times when Jesse filed for divorce on the grounds of abandonment. He’d made a point of telling Alex how lucky he was that an important man like his father was willing to make the sacrifices necessary to ensure Alex was raised in a civilized environment. From the way Daniel is looking down his nose at the Pony, Alex expects he shares his father’s attitude.

“You’re a lawyer, as well?” Alex asks when Daniel doesn’t respond to Michael and the silence starts to become awkward.

“Yes, my father’s been after me to join the firm ever since his last associate was killed in an accident. I finally agreed,” Daniel doesn’t look happy about his decision.

At the mention of the dead associate, Alex shares a quick look with Michael, knowing Daniel must be referring to Isobel’s husband. But Michael doesn’t look concerned and with a quick shake of his head, he lets Alex know the connection is nothing to be concerned about. Roswell is a small town, if Noah was looking to cloak himself in prestige, he didn’t have many other options. Alex decides to accept Michael’s assessment of the risk, at least for now.

Michael turns to Alex, picking the conversation back up,, “I thought you could give him some tips on readjusting to life in Roswell. He’s used to being a big city lawyer, and you came back a war hero.”

Alex doesn’t even try to hide his reaction. He looks at Michael incredulously. Michael has never said a single positive thing about Alex’s time in the Air Force, let alone called him a hero.

“Maria needs me to look at something in the back so I’ll leave you two to talk,” Michael stands up and claps Alex on the shoulder, which feels more like he’s trying to hold Alex in place.

Alex glares at Michael as he walks away and then tries to school his expression into something more pleasant. It’s not Daniel’s fault Michael is acting like a completely different kind of pod person.

“Michael didn’t say where you relocated from,” Alex asks politely.

After several minutes of listening to Daniel drone on about his fabulous life in Chicago, Alex has finished his own beer and reaches unapologetically for the other one on the table. Daniel clearly isn’t going to drink it, and Alex feels he’s more than earned it. Initially he had tried to be sympathetic, but if Daniel really was the star of his high powered law firm and could afford a waterfront apartment and active social life, there is no reason to leave it all behind for a family law practice in Roswell. Alex finds himself thinking he should call the ex-boyfriend and congratulate him on ridding himself of this pompous asshole.

Mainly because he still has one beer left to drink, Alex makes a final attempt at conversation. “It’s definitely not Chicago, but I am sure you will find Roswell has its own appeal.”

The overture backfires, launching Daniel into a diatribe about Roswell’s isolation, lack of culture, poor economic outlook and even the Pony’s inadequate wine cellar. Alex is patient as long as he can be. He remembers his own bitterness and disappointment at finding himself back in the town he swore he’d left for good, and grudgingly admits some of Daniel’s complaints have merit.

“I am pleased - surprised but pleased - that some of the fine, upstanding families like the Longs haven’t abandoned this town. Considering how some of the more unsavory elements continue to flourish, their presence is all that is saving this town. I doubt without people like them and your father, my own family would still have a business worth passing down,” Daniel concludes with a condescending smile.

Alex reads that for the racist bullshit that it is. He smiles back, but there is nothing friendly about it. “You said you practiced corporate law in Chicago?” Daniel nods. “Well, I think you’ll find the Longs, Wyatt in particular, are more likely to keep you busy in criminal court. Might want to brush up on your defense skills.

Instead of being offended, Daniel looks pleased with himself. “I will be reminding the Sheriff of the important contributions the Longs make to this town and the consequences of ignoring those when faced with Wyatt’s more high spirited behavior. I am sure she will see the wisdom in restraint.”

And Alex is done. He stands up fast enough that his chair scrapes loudly across the floor, catching Max and Maria’s attention. “Looks like you’ll fit in just fine here as a small time, I mean small town, lawyer. I’ll have to thank Michael for allowing us to get reacquainted in case our paths cross again.”

Max waves him away apologetically when he heads to the bar to pay. Maria, on the other hand, takes one look at his face and starts laughing so hard she doesn’t see him flip her off on his way out the door. Michael’s truck isn’t in the parking lot, and Alex can’t help but feel relieved. He’d been expecting to spend a few hours with Michael drinking beer and talking, and instead been subjected to...whatever the hell that was. He’s more agitated than he was when he arrived and he’s not in the mood for whatever excuse Michael has. The next time Michael invites him for a drink, he’s going to make sure there aren’t any surprises. And Michael is paying.

4.

Alex watches Maria and Rosa belt out Don’t Speak from one of the tables Isobel reserved for the night. He normally avoids Thursday Karaoke nights at Planet 7, preferring somewhere less crowded and quieter after work, but he made an exception for Kyle’s birthday.

When one of the bartenders came over with another free birthday shot for Kyle, Michael sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes. “The Valenti love fest is killing me. You think they’d know by now it's not going to get them laid.”

“It’s his birthday,” Alex shrugs. “Which you are here celebrating, I might add.”

“Isobel’s paying the tab tonight, can’t pass that up,” Michael holds up his own shot glass then lets out a cheer when Maria and Rosa transition to Say My Name. “Trust me, another year with Dr. Doolittle is nothing worth celebrating.

Alex shakes his head and turns his attention back to the stage. While Michael’s animosity toward Kyle may have faded, he never turns down a chance to insult him.

“Speaking of getting laid,” Michael nudges Alex to get his attention again. “I think that guy at the bar is eyeing you.”

Alex looks over at the bar to see who Michael is not so subtly pointing to. The only person paying attention to them is Trent, one of the regulars Forrest made a point of intruding Alex to months ago. When Trent notices Alex looking over at him, he winks and Alex doesn’t know whether to laugh or throw something at Michael. He’s too tired and too sober to deal with this tonight. It may have taken Alex a while to catch on, but he realizes Michael has been trying to set him up ever since he and Forrest broke up. Ben was a nice enough guy, and Alex could see why Michael thought they might click; Daniel was a clear miss, but this is a new low.

“Yes, Trent is eyeing me, and anyone else he thinks might give him fifty bucks for a bathroom blowjob.”

“What?” Michael stutters.

“You just tried to set me up with a hustler,” they both watch as another patron approaches Trent and after a short conversation, they walk toward the bathroom together.

“Sorry, I didn’t know,” Michael slumps back in his seat.

“Yeah, I get that,” Alex pinched the bridge of his nose. He’s not sure what it says about him that Michael thought his type would be someone in a mesh see-through tank top, ripped skin tight teal jeans, a cowboy hat and what might be a pair of boots made by the murder twins. Maybe Michael thinks he’s desperate enough that ‘likes guys’ and ‘breathing’ is his new standard, or maybe Michael is just that desperate to focus Alex’s interest on someone else. Either way, it’s not something Alex is prepared to confront tonight.

“Trent’s a nice kid,” Alex offers at Michael’s defeated look. “He’s using the money to help pay his undergrad tuition which means he’s about ten years younger than me. And there's no way you didn’t notice that.” Alex doesn’t wait for Michael to answer, before he stands up and decides to call it a night.

He catches Rosa and Maria as they are walking off the stage and hugs them both. He waves at the rest of the table before stepping up behind Kyle. “Happy Birthday. I’m going to head out, early morning on the base tomorrow,” he covers so that Kyle won’t try to persuade him to stay.

“Thanks for coming, man,” Kyle gives him a half hug, half handshake made even more awkward by his drunken clumsiness.

Alex passes Kyle off to Max and heads for the door. He can feel Michael’s eyes on him, but Michael doesn’t say anything or try to stop him so Alex heads home alone.

5.

Alex tries to listen to the speaker as they explain the importance of raising enough funds to support a domestic violence shelter in Roswell, but his attention keeps drifting to Michael. Other than those few minutes at Prom he’s never seen Michael in a suit, and he’s beautiful. No longer an adolescent trying to be comfortable in unfamiliar clothes, he wears the charcoal grey suit with confidence. No tie and shirt unbuttoned at the top, it’s elegant and Michael all at once.

But Michael doesn’t want that kind of attention from him, so he tries again to focus on the speaker. Normally he would have made a donation and avoided the fundraiser entirely, but Isobel had organized the event and purchased a table, handing out tickets and insisting attendance was mandatory.

Another woman comes to the stage and begins to explain how a shelter saved her life. Alex finds himself thinking about his mother, and what, if any, difference a safe place like this could have made in her life. He remembers so little of his parent’s relationship, but he can’t imagine it was healthy, and he can’t make himself believe his mother would have left them all behind if she had a choice.

As if sensing his thoughts, Maria places her hand on his arm and squeezes gently. He turns and smiles at her, grateful for her silent support. In an attempt to redirect his own thoughts he excuses himself to get another drink as soon as there is a break in the program. On his way to the bar, he sees Michael nudge Isobel who then heads over to another table, but he doesn’t give it much thought.

Alex takes his drink and steps off to the side, content to watch from a distance for a while. He’ll rejoin the table soon enough, but he needs a break to push the thoughts of his mother from his mind. He’s almost done with his drink when he notices another man approaching him. Alex doesn’t recognize him, but he is clearly on his way to speak to him.

“Captain Manes,” he holds out his hand and Alex shakes it automatically. “I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you tonight. Major Sam Whitmore,” he introduces himself. “Please call me Sam.”

“Alex,” Alex isn’t sure how to respond. Even out of uniform, Alex would have immediately recognized him as military. He looks to be about Clay’s age, some grey creeping into his blond hair, but his eyes are kind, and Alex doesn’t sense a threat from him.

“Isobel mentioned you would be here. She’s a friend of yours?”

“Hmm.” Alex is noncommittal, not willing to claim Isobel as a friend when he’s not sure why she mentioned him to Sam. ��Mostly through her brother. You know her well?” He glances over at the table and sees Michael watching him while Isobel and another woman stand a few feet away also looking in their direction.

“Not well,” Sam admits. Sam gestures to the woman talking to Isobel. “My ex-wife is one of the board members, and she helped Isobel plan the event. I try to be supportive of her work when I can be.”

“That’s admirable.” His thoughts drift briefly to his mother again. There had been nothing admirable about how Jesse had erased her from their lives the moment she left.

“We were always friends, and we’ve managed to keep that connection even though we didn’t have children to keep us tied together. We were probably always meant to be friends, and I don’t know what I would do without her. She was able to accept that I was gay before I could.”

And now Alex understands what this is all about, but it isn’t Sam’s fault, so he smiles politely. “She sounds like a good friend to have.”

“She definitely deserved better than I gave her, but I didn’t know any other way to live. I came from a military family, and just followed the same path as everyone else in my family. Joined the Air Force, married my high school girlfriend and pretended it was enough.”

“Sometimes that’s the only way,” Alex agrees. For all his teenage rebellion, he’d ended up exactly where his father wanted him. Then he still let him down by coming back rather than dying a martyr to the Manes’ legacy.

“You and I have a lot in common. You know what it’s like to grow up with that pressure to fall in line, to serve. I can’t think of a single man in my family who wasn’t part of the military. In fact I think my father served with both your father and grandfather.”

Sam is still talking, but Alex can’t concentrate on what he’s saying. The idea that Sam could be connected to his family sends his thoughts spiraling. He’s already been thinking about his father, and another mention of him has Alex’s skin prickling like he’s being watched. What if there were more people involved in Project Shepherd? Alex was sure he buried Project Shepherd deep enough that it will never be found, but what if he missed something? With his attention focused elsewhere is it possible he’d missed something - some other threat to Michael he didn’t notice?Is Alex failing to protect him once again?

He looks back to the table, irrationally needing to see that Michael is still there and unharmed. Michael is there - still watching him. He’s frowning like he can tell Alex is upset. Alex forces himself to resume listening to Sam.

“So I thought we could get coffee or something, get to know each other better?”

“Sounds good,” Alex agrees while looking for somewhere to set his drink down. Between his father’s ghost and Michael’s attention, he feels like the air in the room is suffocating him. “Excuse me, I have to go.”

Alex quickly heads outside, not allowing himself to look back at Michael. Once he’s clear of the building, he loosens his tie and tries to slow his breathing. All he wants to do is go home, but he knows he’s not ready to drive and the lingering paranoia from Sam’s mention of his family leaves him on guard and needing to be close enough to protect Michael. So he sits on one of the benches surrounding a small pond and reminds himself that his father is dead. That Project Shepherd is gone. That Michael is safe.

Just as he’s worked through his fears - convinced himself they are unfounded and begun to relax - he feels a hand on his shoulder. He stands up and spins around quickly, ready for a fight. Of course it’s Micheal, and as relieved as he is to have visible proof that Michael is fine, he doesn’t want to face the other emotions Michael stirs in him. He wishes Michael hadn’t followed him, not with his latest attempt at matchmaking is still a bitter reminder of what Michael doesn’t want.

“Hey,” Michael says soothingly. “They’re about to serve dinner. You should come back in.” Michael steps back hesitantly and shoves his hands back in his pockets.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why, you’re not in the mood for overcooked chicken?” Michael smiles and jerks his head back toward the banquet hall. “It won’t be that bad. Isobel swears the potatoes are to die for.”

Alex ignores his attempt at levity, angry that Michael is still pushing this. “What I’m not in the mood for is finding Major Whitmore in the empty chair at our table. You’ll have to be the one to tell Isobel she wasted her time orchestrating this meeting. Although I have a feeling it was your idea.”

“Come on Alex, it wasn’t like that,” Michael winces a little at Alex's directness.

“Michael,” Alex sighs and sits back down, suddenly tired of all of this. “We need to stop dancing around this. It’s just hurting both of us. I know it’s hurting me.”

Michael looks down for a moment before meeting Alex’s eyes, somehow both apologetic and defiant in the face of Alex’s admission. “Isobel really wanted everyone here; she’s proud of this event. But when she told me about her friend’s ex-husband, I thought it would be a good chance for you to meet someone. That’s all.”

“And what about the rest of them? It’s not like this is the first time you’ve tried to set me up.” Now that Alex has asked the question, he’s not going to let Michael avoid telling him the truth.

“I just want you to be happy, Alex. You tried to help me out with Maria - more than once she told me. And I tried to fix things with Forrest, but when that didn’t work out, I got creative,” Michael shrugs.

“This goes back to Forrest, Jesus,” Alex swears. He remembers Michael’s animated conversation with Forrest at open mic night and is embarrassed just imagining what Michael might have said in the effort to get Forrest to give him another chance. “What were you thinking?”

“You helped with Maria,” Michael repeats as if that explains anything.

“I talked to Maria because the two people I loved most in the world were falling in love with each other. You could have made each other so happy and everyone could see that. How could I not encourage the two of you to be happy together?”

Alex had never considered anything but helping Maria when she had doubts about Michael. Maybe it didn’t make sense to anyone else, but he understood when Michael told him he wanted something good, that he wanted to be good for someone - and that someone was Maria. He just wanted to help her understand. He knew they gave each other something he could never provide, and it blunted some of the pain of his own failure with Michael to see their happiness. “What you did wasn’t the same thing at all. You’ve been throwing random men in my path and hoping one would stick. That doesn’t feel like caring, Michael, it feels like you are trying to get rid of me.”

“Alex, no,” Michael protests, looking upset.

“I get it, but it needs to stop. I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable. I thought I was respecting your wishes and controlling my feelings,” Alex laughs bitterly and runs a hand through his hair. “But you make it so hard. We’ve never spent so much time together, and I keep seeing all these different sides of you. The way your mind works faster than anyone else’s, the way you’re trying to meet Max in the middle, how you tease Sanders, but always come through for him, the way you explain things to Kyle using twice as many technical terms as needed, half of which I know you made up, just so he has to ask you to explain it again. And I keep falling in love with you again.

Alex looks over at Michael not sure what reaction he’s expecting, but Michael is just standing there, frozen in place, so Alex keeps talking. “I’m going to keep my distance for a while because if this is your way of forcing me to move on, it’s not going to work.”

“I really fucked this up, didn’t I,” Michael shakes off his surprise and sits down next to Alex, looking as frustrated as Alex feels. “I was trying to help with Forrest. I thought it would - I don’t know - even us out after what you did with Maria, that I owed you that chance at happiness.”

“That’s not what I want,” Alex never wants anything from Michael out of obligation. And he certainly doesn’t want Michael thinking he needs to find Alex some kind of replacement.

“I think it could have worked between you and my professor. He seems like a good guy - smart, handsome, but the day you two met up, I panicked. I parked across the street from the Crashdown before he got there. I couldn’t see you so I just sat there imagining the two of you talking and flirting and dreading the moment you walked out together holding hands.”

Alex can’t help but laugh a little. “You think I move that fast?”

“Never said I was being rational,” Michael smiles, but quickly sobers. “I felt like shit for being relieved when you told me you weren’t meeting him again. That should have been the end of it, but apparently guilt makes me stubborn so I felt like I had to keep trying. But I wasn’t trying very hard.”

“I was starting to wonder what you thought of me when I realized you were trying to set me up and your choices were Daniel and Trent.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael apologizes, looking embarrassed. “After that night at Planet 7, I knew I screwed up.” Michael looks at him. “Tonight. I told myself tonight was real - not another half-hearted attempt. But I know that a guy in the military with a family like yours isn’t what you want. I get what it looks like, Alex, but I’m not trying to get rid of you. It’s just - I saw how hard you were trying with Forrest. That you wanted a relationship that could be open and happy and I want that for you.”

“Maybe that is what you were trying to do, but I still need you to stop,” Alex says. Knowing Michael’s motivations should make him feel better, but it doesn’t. No matter the reason, Michael still wants him to be with someone else. “You’re not completely wrong,” he continues because at this point there’s no reason to be anything but honest. “I was trying with Forrest, but the reason it didn’t work is that we both realized that open, happy relationship I wanted? I want it with you.”

Alex braces himself for Michael’s reaction. Admitting he still wants a relationship with Michael is blunter than saying he loves him. Michael has made it clear he doesn’t want to be with Alex. He doesn’t know if Michael will be angry that Alex can’t let it go, or understanding and kind. Alex isn’t sure which reaction he dreads more. But Michael surprises him by laughing, open and incredulous.

He takes Alex hand, “You weren’t listening when I told about my reaction to realizing you and the professor might actually work out, were you? My first attempt at matchmaking, and I’ve never wanted to fail so much in my life. You aren’t the only one who keeps falling in love, Alex.”

Alex makes a sound of disbelief and tries to pull his hand back, but Michael holds tight.

“I used to have all these dreams for us, you remember?” Michael waits for his reaction, continuing once he nods. “I thought I knew exactly who we would be together. And for a long time. I was angry at you for changing. You joined the Air Force, and every time I saw you, you were further and further from who I thought you would be when I imagined us together. Seeing that was like losing another piece of those dreams every time, and it made me look at how I was never going to be the person I dreamed of either. It took me a long time to figure out that even if all my dreams came true - if we stayed together,got out of Roswell together - we still would have been different than I imagined. And when I finally let go of those dreams, I thought that meant letting go of you. Of us.”

Alex looks away. He remembers how painful it was to finally accept that he and Michael were never going to have the future they planned in whispers in the back of Michael’s truck. But even saying goodbye to all of that hadn’t been enough to force Michael out of his heart.

“Hey,” Michael says softly, pulling Alex’s attention back to him. “As much as that hurt, it left me free to fall in love with who you are now. I didn’t even realize it was happening, but eventually when I thought about loving you, it wasn’t past tense, it wasn’t some idealized version of you, but the guy sitting next to me doing everything he can to protect me and making me laugh and listening to me.”

Michael pauses, but Alex feels as frozen as Michael was earlier, unable to react. When Michael starts speaking again he rubs his thumb over the back of Alex’s hand, and the soothing motion gives Alex something to focus on besides the almost painful honesty of Michael’s words. He watches the slide of Michael’s skin against his and lets it ground him as he listens to Michael. “I still see glimpses of him sometimes, the boy I fell in love with, the one who loved music and loved me and made me feel like I belonged here and gave me hope. And I still love him, but I don’t need him anymore. I want to make new dreams with you, now, tonight.”

Overwhelmed by the love he sees in Michael’s eyes, Alex tries and fails to blink back the tears filling his own eyes. He’s been on edge all night, battling memories and fears, then facing the anger and hurt he’s felt ever since he realized Michael was trying to set him up. To have it end like this, with honesty and hope, maybe love, feels like too much.

Michael brushes away the tears with his thumbs. He cradles Alex’s face gently in his hands, and meets his eyes, silently asking permission. When Alex nods, the most beautiful smile graces Michael’s face, Alex catches just a glimpse of it before bringing Alex’s face in so that he can kiss away the tracks the tears have left behind. Then Michael’s lips meet his. The kiss is soft and sweet, and Alex feels so loved it almost hurts. He lets it fill him, pushing his insecurities away.

After they pull back, Alex rests his head on Michael's shoulder, pressing his face into his neck and breathing in the scent of rain and whiskey and oil, the scent of Michael. Michael runs his hands down Alex’s back and presses gentle kisses into his hair. When it stops feeling so overwhelming, so much like a dream that will slip through his fingers, Alex looks up and kisses Michael’s cheek, just catching the corner of his mouth. He stays there, letting his lip catch on the corner of Michael’s smile and savoring the closeness he’s been craving.

Michael turns into the kiss, and it lingers, hot and open mouthed this time, until he finally breaks away looking entirely too pleased with himself. “The way I see it we have two choices. We can go back in there and make sure everyone knows you’re taken. Or I can follow you home and we can talk some more, hold each other and maybe do some of those things we’ve both been pretending we don’t want.”

“Home,” Alex immediately seizes on the idea of having Michael in his house where they can have some time to themselves. “Home sounds good.”

“And since I doubt we'll get much sleep,” Michael looks at Alex suggestively. “We can go to the Crashdown for breakfast. Or maybe lunch. You can lend me some clothes or I will proudly do the walk of shame in this suit.”

Alex sees a little of Michael’s confidence falter as he mentions going out together, and he doesn’t want that. “If you put that suit back on,” he lightly traces his finger along the exposed skin the open collar shows off, smiling when Michael shivers. “I won’t be able to let you out of the house, so I’ll find you something to wear.”

“So what are we waiting for?” Michael asks as he stands up.

“Nothing,” Alex replies as he lets Michael pull him to his feet and they walk to the parking lot together, hands still joined.

+1

Michael finalizes the hotel reservations with an excited “Yes,” loud enough to startle Bailey who was laying across his feet. Michael pats her head in apology.

He can’t wait to tell Alex. Ever since he saw Alex looking at the website for an independent music festival in Austin, Michael’s wanted to find a way for them to go. Now that Jones is dead or ascended - Michael isn’t sure which and doesn’t really care - he and Alex aren’t pulling double duty with work and yet another alien investigation. The peace probably won’t last long so he wants to get away while they can.

The music festival is the perfect excuse. Michael’s never heard of any of the bands playing, but he knows that’s not the point. In addition to the concerts, there are plenty of other events going on - and enough amateur open mic nights that it’s worth driving so they can bring Alex’s guitar, and not have to deal with airports.

His phone alerts him to the email confirmation of his hotel reservation. The Austin Proper Hotel is probably too fancy for him or Alex, but he’d fallen in love with finding a place that had the adaptations Alex needed without being utilitarian. He had a feeling they would be spending a lot of time enjoying all the amenities the tub and shower promised. The spa and emphasis on tequila were also big selling points. If he was going to spoil Alex, he was going to do it right. And Austin was queer friendly enough that he hadn’t hesitated to tell the hotel staff about his plans and ask for recommendations.

Michael wishes this is something he could have done sooner. It amazes him how much more relaxed Alex is whenever they leave Roswell even if it is just for a few hours. The first time they went to Albuquerque, Michael had been surprised at how quick Alex was to hold his hand and kiss him without checking his surroundings first. Outside of Roswell, where Alex still couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, he finally felt comfortable being himself, he explained to Michael, and that included showing Michael the affection he’d always felt. Michael couldn’t wait to have days of Alex’s undivided attention.

Now he just has to convince Alex that taking an actual vacation is a good idea. Michael mentally runs through all the objections Alex might have. Alex has more than enough leave time available and will be giving enough notice to use it. Sanders can live without Michael for a week or two, hell the old man will probably just shut the place down and take his own vacation.

“You want to stay with Max and Jamison for a few days?” Michael asks Bailey.

Her ears perk up at the mention of her brother’s name, hoping for a playdate, and Michael laughs, “Not today.”

Max will be happy to take Bailey while they are gone, she’d even lived with him for a few days after Max found the two dogs outside the Pony. Then she’d taken one look at Alex and fallen in love, a sentiment Michael more than understood. Seeing Alex with a lapful of dog sealed the deal, and Bailey came home with them.

Isobel can take care of the house. She lives close enough to stop by and get the mail and take care of the plants. Of course, they’ll have to lock a few things up to counteract her natural nosiness.

The biggest challenge will be convincing Alex that he deserves to take some time off and relax. This is the first time in longer than Michael can remember that there wasn’t some crisis looming, and Michael wants to take advantage before something else goes wrong.

He waits until Alex is home and has had time to change before broaching the subject. They are sitting on the patio, throwing a ball for Bailey when he brings it up.

“I was thinking we should go away for a while, take a vacation,” Michael begins, mentally marshaling all his arguments for Alex’s objection.

“Yes,” Alex says immediately, and Michael watches the way his whole body relaxes just thinking about it.

Michael realizes they’d been dealing with Jones for so long he’d gotten used to seeing Alex stressed and tense. He can see now just how tired Alex is.

“I may have already planned something,” Michael admits. He gets up and plans to show Alex the information he has on his phone, but Alex grabs his hand and pulls Michael down onto his lap.

“I don’t care, anywhere is fine as long as it’s with you.” Alex slides his hands under Michael’s shirt and urges him to lean down enough so they can kiss.

They make out like that for a while, the sun still warm against Michael’s back, Alex relaxed and solid in his arms. Bailey eventually tires of being ignored and drops the ball at their feet, barking for their attention.

Michael gives Alex one last kiss before reaching down and blindly throwing the ball. He turns around and watches her tear through the yard. Alex wraps his arm around Michael’s waist, anchoring him as he leans back against Alex’s chest. He can’t wait to have Alex all to himself. He lets his mind drift to all the things he wants to do, and eventually to his final surprise - the rings he’ll hide in his bag. As excited as Michael is about going on vacation with Alex, he’s even more excited about coming home with his husband.

[sunflowerdigs]

Right now, the main issue with Malex is that we're getting messages from bts vs from the show itself that aren't necessarily contradictory but which, I think it's fair to say, feel that way. And that's causing a lot of cognitive dissonance and that's causing hostility. Part of it is the short season - we are both only and already through episode 4. That's 1/3rd of a season with only one Malex scene.

Basically, if I knew nothing about the folks bts or how they've said Malex are meant to be soulmates, and I just watched the show up to this point, I would not anticipate any kind of reunion between Malex happening this season at all. Because they very much aren't being treated like two people who are longing for each other - they're being kept apart, they aren't mentioning each other, and neither seems particularly bothered by the other's absence in his life. It's actually almost as though they exist on different planets at this point.

Max bumped into Liz and we got a beat for a reaction; before that he sat out in the desert and listened to tapes of Liz while crying and drinking. Liz has seen Max in her dreams and talked about her feelings for him and connected a major step in her life verbally to Max ("I have people"). That is what pining looks like on Roswell. And you can hate it or downplay it or mock it as much as you want, the point is, we aren't seeing anything like it at all from Malex. If the show went full-throttle Forlex or Miluca next episode (or, heck, even Kyle/Michael, since they recently got closer and they could build them up like they did Stephanie and Kyle) no one except hardcore Malex stans who have read the contradictory bts interviews, would think it was weird (well, the inevitable "Kyle is straight" stans might). Because both Forlex and Miluca (and...Kychael, lol?) have had more interaction onscreen that point to their wanting to currently be in each other's lives than Malex. Frankly, Malex seem like exes who are avoiding each other and avoiding mentioning each other. I loved Alex's line about burning down the world but in conjunction with his not mentioning Michael as a reason to be a part of DS and telling Forrest with zero hesitation that he had no competition...it came out of left field. Like...of course Michael thinks Alex no longer cares if he can't even drop a text (I'm assuming) for a year.

It's fair to say that the show is deliberately keeping the characters apart and deliberately not even having them mention the other and it's doing it to a point that is more extreme than feels realistic in a show about a small group of friends in a small town. Even growth that happens as a result of the one Malex moment (Michael no longer thinking he's bad because of his father) wasn't directly connected to them in any way that fans could really savor. I have my theories* about why the show is doing this. But I just wish that fandom would...stop pretending there's something wrong with people who have noticed this contradiction in onscreen action vs bts chatter and are confused by it. Of course they are. Of course they are confused about why we've gotten so little sense of how Malex feel about each other that Eduardo/Alex seems almost more viable. The best anyone can tell them at this point is trust Chris and we're only on episode x. Those aren't in-show reasons to believe they're going to happen. Neither is they still care about each other, frankly, because so do Miluca.

I'm writing a meta about how Malex are soulmates and I do think it's going to happen this season but I realized last night that I couldn't point to an on-screen reason for why that isn't heavily based on subtext or symbolism. So I thought I'd...point that out.

*Roswell knows which side its bread is buttered on. I think they've deliberately pushed all of Malex to the back half of the season because they didn't know they'd be renewed early and they wanted to pull in as many hungry viewers hoping for Malex as they could for the first episodes. It's not queerbaiting if the back half is Malex-heavy and it's not even something I'd be overly angry about, but it is a strategy I could see them employing.

[jackoshadows]

“We are not racist” yells the crowd after spending 3 seasons nitpicking and singling out Maria Deluca for anything she does. Literally

If she doesn’t get any writing and is sidelined - I don’t like her because she’s underdeveloped

If she gets writing and is central to the plot - Why is she taking away so much screentime from other characters.

Why this need to have other characters yell at her or show that she has flaws? She has flaws - you guys are pointing it out each episode. Kyle repeatedly castigates Maria for being single minded about finding out who is in the coffin.

The nitpicking of the writing for her, when pretty much every character on this show has problematic, bad writing.

Entire essays on why she is evil because she risked Max’s life jumping off a building. Meanwhile Alex knowing about Maria’s visions and absolutely not caring that any of his friends may die? Just bad writing.

Maria is the devil for being rude and dismissive towards Michael, but Alex being rude and dismissive towards Michael? Aww, poor baby is just trying to protect Michael, he’s stressed, the writing is bad, the writers are homophobic, Michael is being an ass.

The writers not spending time on Malex? Homophobia. The writers not spending time on Miluca, an inter-racial relationship? Miluca is trash, Michael doesn’t love Maria because COSMIC LOVE.

These writers are just not that good at writing characters, relationships or plot points. Even Echo has problematic elements with how Max allowed Liz and her family to be tormented for so many years. And if Rosa/Wyatt happens? Hell no! Makes no sense for Rosa as a character.

It’s a silly, entertaining CW show about aliens. But of all the characters, the hypocritical singling out of Maria is why the misogynoir in this fandom stands out. As others have pointed out Liz was sidelined last season for Michael and the whole Alex/Michael kidnapping plot towards the end. Where was all this outrage about Liz being sidelined then?

And quoting a Spoiler frigging TV review written by one you is not the validation you guys think it is. It’s Spoiler TV, not Alan Sepinwall.

The hate many of you have for even Heather Hemmens - not wanting her to direct, accusing her of influencing the story, being a bad actor. All the while thirsting over Blackburn.

And Blackburn’s lucky he is in a little known CW show and other mainstream indigenous actors don’t know of him. They have spoken up before in other cases like this both behind the camera and in front of it.

Like for the Yellowstone casting of a non-native American actor playing a main character.

Before the first season of Yellowstone began airing, Native American actor Adam Beach, best known for his roles in Windtalkers, Flags of Our Fathers and Suicide Squad, took to Instagram to criticize a particular casting decision. Over a picture of actress Kelsey Asbille he posted the words, "Failure of diversity. I'm asking my Native actors to stay away from this project."

https://www.looper.com/199689/the-truth-about-yellowstones-casting-controversy/

Of course, Beach is just one person. Buzzfeed published an article about the controversy which included interviews with other Native American actors and industry professionals who spoke to a diversity of opinions within the native community on people who possibly have Native American ancestry — but who did not grow up in a native community — playing native roles.

Joely Proudfit, Ph.D, who helps run a group that consults on Native American representation in media called The Native Networkers, said of the controversy, "I don't want to minimize this to one individual... That's the crumbs on the floor, not the cake on the table."

Actor and Chair of the SAG-AFTRA National Native Americans Committee DeLanna Studi pointed out that a huge part of the issue is the fact that Native American actors rarely get opportunities outside of the small number of native roles available at any given time. "If it was more of a level playing field — where our Native actors were being cast as leads in How to Get Away With Murder or Grey's Anatomy, where they can just be a human being — then there wouldn't be this need for us to be protective of the roles that are just for us."

Even the showrunners of the recent Reservation Dogs mentioned how most Hollywood casting agencies take the easy way out because they don’t want to reach out to the Reservations for actors. So if someone living in LA comes in saying that he is NA, naturally they are going to be eager to cast him, taking away from an actual NA actor. And that explains why Blackburn keeps getting these roles

And the fact that Blackburn’s not even apologized or acknowledged the impact of what he did? Terrible. But yeah, it’s Heather Hemmens who should not be allowed to direct because she plays a fictional character in scenes written and directed by someone else. GTFO.

[cakebeam]

My thoughts on ep.5

• So, is everyone on this show going to get a handprint before Malex’s get theirs, if they ever do at this point? And now the handprint is used to not just share memories but also suck the life force out of someone? Ohhhhh kayyyyy...

• Why is Maria the one spending the entire episode with Kyle and borderline flirting with him when her supposed love interest is Greg (🤮), who was also in the episode? 

• Oh and, Miluca has more scenes together this season than Malex so far. And not a “Miluca declared dead” in sight from Michael while his I love you still hangs in the air. Wow.

• Why did Max have to be the one to sleep with the reporter, Anatsa? She has great chemistry with Isobel and though I do love Kybel, I’m getting pretty over there barely being any gay content on this show. Speaking of which-

• No mention of Malex whatsoever. No mention of Alex (I think someone brought up calling him and that was it), again. We are 5 episodes into this 13 episode season and Chris’s words of treating Malex equally as Echo this season is now just a straight up lie fam. 

• Rosa’s unbelievable bullsh*t line of finally going after the people who have been antagonizing her family for a decade- GIRL IT’S BEEN WYATT THE WHOLE TIME. Everyone else was just his cronies. The show trying to erase Wyatt being an evil white supremacist and the primary abuser of the Ortecho family from that narrative and retconning it to be Jordan, a character we’ve never seen before this season, is still f*cked up.

When are Arturo and Liz going to finally find out about Wyatt and remind Rosa that he’s a complete monster? Does she even get that he literally BEAT Arturo? And SHOT Liz? She should not be talking to this guy, let alone being his friend. What the f*ck?!

• When is it time for Maria to finally not be in an episode? I need a serious break from this character. She’s literally more involved with the group than Liz, who is the main character. I did NOT sign up for the Maria Deluca show. This show is already bad and she is just making it so much worse this season with no one calling her out. 

• I’ve already forgotten about Heath. Can he just not exist anymore? Thanks.

Extras:

• Isobel’s snake clothing all season- is this going to relate to something at some point or is it just for kicks? Ophiuchus?

• I could barely hear the pod squad and Jones talk over Liz’s loud moaning. Girl give it a break, we know you’re dying, I’m trying to hear everyone else.

• Rosa and Michael talk- Good sh*t 👌👌👌

• Kyle spreading vapo rub on Liz’s cleavage. Um... why? And then they call each other family? This is really f*cking weird messaging.

• So the aura’s are based on emotions and not the general aura of someone? That’s kind of disappointing but useful I guess. 

[letstalkabouttvshows]

I really wish I could like Maria’s character

DISCLAIMER: This is a post about what I understand from the storylines we’ve seen so far. I can be totally off. This is just my view on the character. 

Ok? Ok. 

When I watched the first episode of Roswell, these were my impressions: 

1. I enjoyed this episode way more than I thought I would.

2. Kyle is gonna be the jerk, huh?

3. The siblings dynamic it’s promising. I want to learn more and Michael is my favorite

4, Ok. I totally buy the Alex and Michael love story. That look in their eyes, wow.  Tell me more!

5. I don’t like Maria. 

Aside from number 2, I still stand by my impressions. 

There’s just something about Maria that, overall, made me like her the least in the pilot and for that matter, throughout season 1. 

And it shouldn’t be like that. 

She’s supposed to be the best friend, the fierce owner of a bar where all the characters come together but most importantly, she’s supposed to be the grl pwr power house. 

All the potential is there, so WHAT HAPPENED? 

I really wish I could like Maria’s characters because I think the writers are doing a terrific job for her story arc in season 3. 

>>> But how can I shake off the previous 2 seasons out of my system when it comes to her? <<<

Mainly for me, what I can’t get over is the fact MARIA DATED THE LOVE OF HER BEST FRIENDS LIFE. 

Damn, that’s something hard to overlook. 

I know, I know. 

The writers tried to incorporate some of the original source into the show and did it in a terrible way. 

It felt out of the blue, rushed, without any real development that’d convince us that Maria could actually be a real contender for Michael’s heart compared to Alex.

I am a Malex fan. 

Their story arc was one of the things that got me hooked in this show, but I also am a fan of good storytelling. I’m all up for development, twists and turns. 

So if they wanted to have a Miluca story arc, well, compel me away. Build it in a way that feels organic and makes sense. 

Well, that wasn’t the case. 

What we got instead was Maria, Alex’s best friend, that knew that he had a guy that “kissed him to crazy, stupid, love” and that she could sense he was back in his life just because Alex was hopeful again.  

We got a Maria that knew all of that and STILL GOT TOGETHER WITH MICHAEL. 

Despite saying “his my best friend”, “it was nothing”, “it won’t happen again”.

Maria crushed on Michael. 

Well, we can’t blame her. 

Not even Alex “falling for Michael is the easiest thing to do” Manes, can’t either, apparently.  

On the other hand, Michael got together with her, yes, because he had a thing for her, I’m not saying he didn’t like her but more than that, Maria was an escape. 

At that point, Michael found out and went through so many tragic things, all at once, and smacked right in the middle of all, was Alex. 

“I love him, probably always will. But lately that love just hurts”

So Michael made sure that he would not have to deal with him and Alex. 

And here’s the thing. 

That actually is >>>in character for Michael<<<. 

He can’t handle feelings, especially when it comes to Alex, so he protects himself and literally puts things in the way so he doesn’t have to deal with them. 

But, Maria? GETTING TOGETHER WITH THE LOVE OF HER BEST FRIEND’S LIFE ??? (did I mention this before) 

That’s not supposed to be >>> in character for her <<< 

But unfortunately, now it is. 

Maria didn’t consider Alex’s feelings for Michael, probably thought the connection between Malex was more on Alex’s side than Michael’s and it came across like she really thought that whatever she had with Michael was deeper than what Alex had with him, despite knowing everything. 

And to what end?

She breaks up with Michael because “someone else can make you happier”. WELL, DUH. 

As amazing as her journey has been in season 3, I still feel like they need to address the fact SHE GOT TOGETHER WITH THE LOVE OF HER BEST FRIENDS LIFE. 

Hoping for an actual apology from her to Alex is asking too much?

Probably. 

But it could make the the elephant in their friendship disappear and give us, the audience, a sense of closure and getting back on tracks with her character so we can all like her without all of this in the back of the storyline. 

Maria, I truly want to like you, but c’mon, we need some of that friendship you supposed to have with Alex, actually, to come through.

Again, I really want to like Maria’s character. 

Can we make that happen, writers?

[ravens-words]

I think you missed the relationships that happened but are over like Max/Jenna, Alex/Forrest, Liz/Heath, Liz/Diego and Michael/Maria. And the potential Rosa ships. And the flashback ships like Louise/Roy and Nora Tripp. Writing this made me realize RNM has a lot more ships than I thought it did.

I have never been more ashamed of my crappy memory until now. Gonna add the ones you mentioned here

Max/Jenna:

There was chemistry there 👀

Forlex:

Did not care for them

Liz/Heath:

Liz/Diego:

It seemed actually nice before he turned out to be evil.

Miluca:

Louise/Roy:

Nora/Tripp:

And one I remembered all on my own:

Anatasa/Isobel:

Why am I conflicted about it, you may ask? Well, on the one hand, it's great to see wlw representation and to see Isobel happy. On the other, it's getting in the way of my ship.

[angrycowboy]

LOL, what is it about Maria and Alex's friendship that you think is so exceptional? Like this is the woman who told her BFF that her dalliance with the guy he loved meant nothing & then went behind his back to pursue him anyway. I'm not suggesting that Alex has dibs on Michael or that Maria should have sacrificed her feelings, but a conversation was sorely required. The fact that she didnt tell Alex was selfish. So why is Alex/Maria's friendship so great and above all other Alex's relationships?

I've been sitting on this for a while, because really, it pissed me off. And I wanted to take a step back from dealing with this fandom and it's asinine opinions about Maria and Alex. 

People are selfish, and that's one of the great things about this show, is that we get to see characters who are flawed, and not perfect. Who fuck up and have to deal with the consequences. But we also get to see adults having adult relationships, and learning how to navigate them. 

Maria has had feelings for Michael for a long time, whether or not she verbally admitted to them, her interaction with Alex in 1x02, and her flirty banter with Michael in 1x04 shows us she has thought about it. The M(alex) fandom has chosen to ignore those interactions, citing "no chemistry" and "Miluca are better as friends who banter." Which, ignoring canon is fine - we all do whatever to make things more enjoyable to us. But the disconnect exists where people then start treating FANON interpretations as CANON, and get angry when they don't come to fruition on screen.

Maria resisted her feelings for Michael, even as she was flirting with him - and sleeping with him in 1x09 opened the floodgates, so to speak. Now she knew she was fucked. But Alex came to the Pony in 1x10 holding more cards than Maria, because at the time she still didn't know Michael was the guy Alex had been in love with in high school. Maria may have still been trying to resist what she was feeling, but those feelings were still there. And Alex is there to talk specifically about Michael knowing something happened between them. Alex even admits to her "how could you [know]?" because he is aware that he is the one who kept that vital piece of information that it was Michael Guerin he fell in love with. 

I love Alex Manes to pieces, but he's a bit stunted emotionally (which is also why I love him). He's been dealing with his own demons, and he's still not comfortable being out. But keeping Michael at arms length, he's learned, hasn't done them and their relationship any favors, and Alex knows he loves Michael. As with their conversation in the junkyard, Alex feels like they need to learn the little things about one another, and rely on more than just sex and that indescribable connection. Because he's broken up with Michael twice (technically three times, if you count "it can't happen again” in 1x02), and he's starting to realize he can't keep walking away and showing back up like he has been. Because now he sees Michael attempting, for the first time in ten years, to move on. And Alex starts to recognize that as a result of his own actions in regards to Michael.

It's truly astonishing to place all the blame on Maria, who resisted her feelings for Michael for so long, who in 1x11, admitted with tears in her eyes, how much she enjoyed him showing up for her. Who told Liz in 1x13 that she felt guilty for falling for the guy Alex fell in love with in high school. She did not invite Michael to the Pony at the end of 1x13 - he showed up on his own. And as far as Maria knew, Michael and Alex hadn't been a thing since high school. Furthermore, at no point does Alex seem to clear the air either that he is looking to rekindle his relationship with Michael. 

Kissing the guy you like, who is unattached and not in a relationship with anyone is not a crime. There's no "going behind Alex's back" happening here when Maria believed there was nothing going on between Michael and Alex based on things both of them told her. 

What makes Alex and Maria's friendship great is that they don't let something like another guy be the thing that destroy their relationship. The foundation is shown to be much stronger than that, especially between 2x05 and 2x06. Don't forget Alex knew in 2x04 that Maria had found out about aliens, and he appears to be the only one she'd talked to while blocking out everyone else. She knew he knew about aliens and had been in on keeping her in the dark and still spoke to him (don't forget she shut Liz and Michael out completely during that time). And when she was ready, she went to him to talk. She didn't go to Liz first, she went to Alex. Did she go in armed with an excuse (the computer) just in case? Yes, but it's not hard to believe she wanted something to fall back on - a safety net if needed. Plus, don’t forget, she went to Alex for help in tracking down what happened to her mom - Maria took that first step in asking for the help she rarely let herself do before, and it was Alex she went to.

Alex recognizes she is allowed to be angry at being kept in the dark, and Maria acknowledges that Alex is allowed to be angry at her for not bringing up Michael and her feelings for him. The conversation is two adult friends, admitting they fucked up in regards to each other. And the show had established in 1x02 that not only had Alex been back in town for a while (and his showing up at the Pony was out of place, but the way she greeted him indicated they had seen and spoken prior to that interaction) but that Alex and Maria have kept in touch over the years (she makes no mention of his injury and doesn't even acknowledge it, which indicates they've already spoken about it). In 1x07, Alex goes to Liz because he knows Maria is silently struggling with her mom, and Liz has been absent getting caught up in her work. It can be inferred from that episode that Alex has perhaps also been helping Maria with Mimi as much as possible - probably in looking into the care facility they later take her to. 

One thing I see fandom focusing on is Alex helps Maria but Maria doesn't help Alex, which indicates that equally reciprocal friendships are the only type that are valid. It ignores Alex as an established character, who prefers to handle problems himself and work them out on his own, as well as someone who prefers to show his love for others through spending time with them. Maria has largely been on her own over that decade, and has trouble accepting help from others because of that isolation. Alex recognizes it, and that's how he effectively gets the day outing for Mimi to happen, by recruiting Liz and turning it into a mini-reunion day of sorts.

Alex and Maria are both selfish - in fact, every character on the show has shown to be selfish at one time or another. None of them are perfect and all of them are flawed. So why the focus specifically on Maria's selfishness? Where is the equal treatment on Alex for also being selfish? The show even addresses it in 2x05 and 2x06. More specifically with Maria still harboring doubt about her friendship with Alex if she chooses to forgive Michael and enter back into a relationship with him. In the truck, she asks because she believes for a moment that it could be the thing that creates a rift between them, despite all the years they've been friends, and despite Alex even assuring her in 2x05 "the mess between [Michael and Alex] will never be [Maria's] fault." And Alex recognizes that insecurity, and tells her, "nothing could ever make me stop loving you." Plus, don't forget Alex had spoken more candidly about his own internalized homophobia and the effects his father's toxic masculinity has had on him, with Maria, than he has with perhaps any other character (and I'd argue it's why in 2x08 he is comfortable opening up to Forrest, because he knows he's already got Maria in his corner, he's already talked this out with her).

In regards to it being "better" than his other relationships, I believe the tag was that their friendship was better than the romantic relationships they are involved in - and I still stand by that. Because while a romantic relationship can pull me in, it's usually the ensemble, and the friendships and relationships between the characters that keeps me interested. Because not everything needs to be or should be just about romance, friendships are just as important to portray in media.

[aewriting]

RNM Fandom Creators’ Week 2020 - Day 3: AUs

I LOOOOVE AUs! Love to write them, love to read them. Here are some of my faves.

Shadow Work

By @myrmidryad (AO3 author page)

This, to me, is one of the ultimate RNM fandom AUs. I’d recommend it to everyone. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since it was posted - I was recovering from mastitis last Halloween, and was LIVING for the nightly updates of this fic. It’s impeccable - an awesomely spooky plot in which Alex is a shade, Michael is the ex who is back in his life, and there’s a mystery afoot involving the aliens. Alex, Alex - he’s written SO well in this, and there are some of the best passages regarding physical intimacy in the entire fandom. It’s heartbreaking in parts, too - there’s a moment where Alex asks Michael to clear the forces that have been “pushing” him, only to discover it changes nothing - it’s been his own psyche for the entire scene. Marvelous. I reread it during the pandemic and still just absolutely love it.

You ask me to enter but then you make me crawl

By @jule1122 (AO3 author page)

One of my favorite, favorite tropes is secret marriage, and this is such a gut wrenching fic that hinges on the idea that Michael and Alex are secretly married, and this fact isn’t revealed until years later when Alex is injured. The characterizations here are superb, ALL of them, with so many heartbreaking details. I cried, for real, at the end.

Satellite’s Gone by the Anonymous Roswell Author

The Roswell Anon has written so many great stories, but this is one of my absolute favorites. Michael leaves the planet but is still able to communicate, for a time. But all is not as it seems. So perfectly written, and so memorable, to me.

I can hold you now by @andrea-lyn

AO3 Author page

One of my favorites by a great author. I have reread this a number of times, and one of my favorite details is the visual of Michael crashing Alex’s wedding.

Too Busy being yours by @auselysium

AO3 author page

A fake dating AU! Poor Alex is pretty much pushed WELL past his breaking point just by Michael regaling his commanding officer’s family with his true feelings for Alex, which of course Alex takes as over dramatic lies, setting up a great roadside confrontation.

Not in this world or the next by @hannah-writes

AO3 author page

Tears, tears, tears raining down for Mikey Evans, the parallel universe doppelgänger of our Michael Guerin who switches places, only to find that his love, Alex Manes, is ALIVE in this reality. Th is story is SO GOOD. I remember cheering every time there was an update, ha.

Here I am fallen by @ninswhimsy

AO3 Author Page

Ohhhhh man. I have raved and raved about this one, and I’m prepared to do it again. Michael saves Alex here, body and soul. It’s a Crusades AU that is just so lovely, cutting through Alex’s religious shame with Michael’s earnest desire to love him in every way. Gorgeously written.

Everywhere on earth you go by @leescoresbies

AO3 Author page

This is a standout AU, in my opinion. Alex is a folk singer who fled Roswell after high school. Against his better judgment, he plays a show in New Mexico, and who do you think he runs into? This is perfectly written, with such vivid, descriptions and characterizations. The post-coital fight is one of the most memorable passages I’ve ever read in the RNM fandom.

And the sun rose red and Fleetwood Mac ain’t got nothin on us by @christchex

AO3 author page

Two great and VERY different AUs. The first is a beautifully written Western featuring Miluca. The second is a cleverly structured story about high school rumors and the impact they have on Michael and Alex.

let me count the ways, you can’t fight the hurricane, put me to work by @queersirius

AO3 Author page

Millie writes SUCH good AUs!!! There’s a Pacific Rim AU, an AU set in an office (with one of the hottest, smuttiest scenes in the fandom), and a high school AU featuring the most perfect teenage Alex that has 100% inspired my writing of him. Can’t go wrong with any of these.

Freaky Friday by @iwontbeyourmedicine

AO3 author page

I have a soft spot for this one because it was my inspiration for the fic exchange back in January. This one has such a great premise - what if Alex, Liz, and Maria were the aliens? It’s angsty and great.

Where they hang the lights by @leescoresbies

AO3 author page

My favorite space-set fic in the fandom. The antigravity scene is so beautiful, and it’s got a great plot. Love this one.

To Trust Love @laughsalot3412

AO3 Author Page

This is getting mentioned tomorrow in angst, too, FYI. Oof, the plot of this - the aliens are in Caulfield. Alex is a guard. This fic could have gone so wrong in so many ways, but the subject matter was so sensitively handled, and Alex is so so good and trying so hard. One of my favorite stories in the whole fandom for sure. As this was posting live, I must have reread each chapter like eight times, ha.

my love is a life taker by @jocarthage

AO3 Author page

Trust me, this is getting its own separate post as soon as I get a chance to finish it! But it is also one of my tippity top favorite AUs. On its surface, it’s a time travel AU (so well done), but it is also SO much more than that

[echo-bleu]

life would lose its touch

I told myself I wouldn’t write episode codas while the season is airing, but my brain does its own thing. I don’t know where this comes from. I think I’ve been writing setting fire for too long, because it definitely bled into this.

Alex & Maria, a little Michael, with mentions of Malex and the end of Miluca, 2x02 coda.

“Have you at least talked to Alex?” Maria asks suddenly, putting down a shot glass in front of Michael.

She's been thinking about Alex a lot, since Michael parked his Airstream in the parking lot two days ago. Alex who spent his one day off distributing missing posters with her and checks at least once a day if there's anything new on Mimi, whether by texts or by stopping by. He saw the trailer today, and something about his face isn't sitting right with Maria.

“Yes,” Michael answers absently. “He doesn't care. I told you it was over. He said he understood.”

Maria frowns. “What did he say exactly?”

“He said if he could be with you, then he would be.”

Maria's thoughts come to an abrupt stop at that. “He said that? He actually said that?”

Michael nods mutely, taken aback by her outburst.

“Fuck,” Maria mutters. “I need to talk to him.”

“Why? He's moving on, and so am I. It doesn't matter.”

“Michael. Alex is my best friend, and I know him. This isn't him moving on.” This is him sacrificing himself.

“What?” Michael frowns uncomprehendingly.

Alex sat in the exact same seat Michael is in now while Maria swore to him that her and Michael was a one time thing.

Fuck.

“I'm going to go talk to him tomorrow,” Maria says. “Now, I need to work.”

Michael looks like he's going to protest−it's early, and there's almost no one in the bar−but he doesn't. He drinks, instead.

*

Maria has only been to Alex's house twice, even though it's been over six months since he came back. He's come to her apartment, they've met at the bar and the Crashdown, but she never comes here.

“Maria,” he says, opening the door. He's become guarded, sometimes in the last few weeks. Or maybe in the last ten years.

“Alex,” Maria answers in kind. “Can I come in?”

“Sure. Why are you here? Did you hear anything from Mimi?”

Maria shakes her head sadly. “Still nothing. I'm getting plenty of joke calls and racists who say she deserves what she got, but not anything resembling a lead.”

“I'm sorry,” Alex sighs. “I wish I could spend more time looking with you.”

“You have to work, I get it. You're already doing a lot. Aren't you getting out soon, though?”

Alex bites his lip. He waves her in fully before answering, and waits until she's sat down on his couch. She doesn't remove her shoes. She doesn't feel welcome enough, though she can't quite tell if Alex is making her feel that way or if she's doing it all by herself.

“I'm not getting out. I've already re-upped.”

“What? Alex, why? You wanted to−”

Alex doesn't meet her eyes. “I've come upon...things that my father was doing, these last few months. There's some loose ends to tie up.”

Maria decides to let the half-truth lie. “How did I miss this? This isn't a small decision, you've been thinking about it for a while. Have I been such a bad friend?”

Maybe she's making a rod for her own back, but she feels like she deserves it.

“You've had a lot to deal with,” Alex says. “We all have. Liz with Max, you with Mimi… It's okay, Maria. We're all doing our best. Can I get you something to drink? You still haven't told me why you're here.”

“I could do with a beer, if you have some,” Maria answers. It's early enough that going directly for something stronger is not a good idea. She has the late shift at the bar, her bartender is handling the opening today, but she'll need to be clearheaded then.

She could have used some liquid bravery. She'll have to muster the bravery all on her own instead, and it's going to take a lot. It feels like too much, all these things going on in her life. How is time not stopping, while her mama is missing? How can things still go on like nothing's wrong?

“Maria?” Alex calls from just above her. He has his arm outreached, a beer in his hand.

“Sorry,” Maria apologized, shaking her head. She's zoned out for long enough to worry him.

“Are you okay?”

Maria shrugs. “Not really.”

“Scoot over,” Alex says, sitting down beside her on the couch. “You look like you could use a hug.”

“I'm screwing everything up,” Maria murmurs. She can take this one moment for self-pity, before she makes herself be brave. She'll have lost a boyfriend by tonight, if Guerin can be called that. She really hopes she won't also have lost a friend.

“What do you mean?” Alex asks. There's a cautiousness in his voice that's new, too, with her.

“Everything's wrong. Mom's missing, a month ago there was a fucking body in my parking lot, Liz won't tell me what's going on with her, why she left and then came back, Guerin...I messed up with Guerin.”

Alex tenses against her.

“I wanted to believe him, that you two were over. I just really wanted someone who...I don't know, he was sweet and he was there, you know? Then he kissed me and bailed on me, and he's been a dick since, but he was clearly not okay, so I wanted to help. You know me, always weak for the people who make me feel like I can be useful.”

Maria laughs bitterly. Alex doesn't. He's so still it's almost unnatural.

“Maria−” he starts.

“He told me you talked. He said...he said you were okay with him dating me, but he also told me what you said and...fuck, Alex. Fuck you. Fuck him. Fuck me, most of all.”

Alex shifts. “Maria, you're not making sense. What are you talking about?”

“You're not moving on. You're removing yourself from the equation. You're pretending you're okay with it so he can move on.”

Alex closes his eyes, and carefully lets go of her, bringing his arms back against his chest as if to curl up on himself. “It's what he wants,” he says. “It has nothing to do with you. You deserve to be happy.”

“I don't think I can be happy knowing I screwed you over,” Maria says.

“Michael doesn't want to be with me. He was quite clear about that. You're an amazing person, Maria. I was honest when I said it, I understand what he sees in you, and I want him to be happy, too. I think you could be good for each other.”

Maria has to look away as Alex's eyes fill with tears. He doesn't let them fall, but he swallows with difficulty.

“But you love him. And I'm fairly sure he loves you.”

Alex shakes his head. “It doesn't mater. It's not what he wants.”

“No,” Maria murmurs. “It does matter. Since you came back, I kept seeing all the ways that you've changed, and I didn't see that you really stayed the same, Alex. There was always one constant. You keep sacrificing yourself for the people you love, because you think you need to atone for existing. That's what you're doing again.”

Alex looks away, and she knows her words have hit their mark.

“I was blinded by my feelings for him,” she continues. “And I thought that if you weren't fighting harder for him, it was because you didn't care that much, that it was just a high school fling you'd hoped to revive and it didn't work out, that you'd understood that it wasn't worth it. I convinced myself of that. But the truth is, you're not going to fight because you think you're not worth it.”

They're both silent for a moment, as Alex stares out the window instead of looking at Maria. She starts thinking that she's gone too far, that he's going to throw her out or something, but he turns back to her instead.

“I did fight,” Alex says slowly, his voice unsteady. “I fought for so long. I went to war, and I did unspeakable things, and I kept fighting to survive, like I've done my whole life.” He swallows again. “I almost died out there, and all I could think about was that I'd wouldn't get to see him again. So I fought my way to recovery, and I came back here, and I found myself untangled in my father's business again. I'm tired of fighting, Maria.”

His shoulders slump, and he leans his elbow on his knees, burying his face in his hands. Maria wants to shake him, almost, to hug the breath out if him, to run screaming. She does none of these things.

“No you're not,” she says firmly. “I don't know exactly what it is you're doing, but you're not done fighting. You reenlisted, and I know there's a reason for that. You're still fighting your father, and your brothers, and Guerin told me you're trying to help him with whatever it is he's doing that he won't tell me about. You're helping me trying to find Mimi, and you're helping Liz get over Max. The only one you still won't fight for is yourself.”

Alex stays silent, his head still in his hands. When it becomes obvious that he's not going to answer, Maria leans over.

“Let me try this another way,” she says. “Are you okay, Alex?”

Alex looks up in surprise at that. “What?”

Maria goes with her intuition. She knows to follow it, and this is where it's leading her right now. “Who's the last person who asked you that?”

“Therapist,” Alex says. “She makes a point to ask every session.”

“Apart from her,” Maria clarifies. “When's the last time someone really checked in with you, Alex?”

Alex leans back, staring right in front of him. “I...I don't remember,” he admits.

Maria knows that if she hadn't backed him into a corner first, forced him to open up and left him vulnerable, he would have just evaded, guided the conversation toward something else, and she wouldn't even have noticed. He's too good at that.

“Maybe you,” Alex says. “When I moved here.”

“Fuck,” Maria sighs. “We've been the worst possible friends, haven't we?”

Alex shrugs. “We were best friends in high school, Maria. It doesn't mean we still have to be now. Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad to be able to see you and Liz regularly again, but you don't have to...force yourself to be close, just because we used to be.”

Maria feels her eyes widen. “Is that what you think? That I'm just hanging onto a past friendship that doesn't mean anything anymore?”

“I think that...I love you, Maria. Always have, and I always will. But you said it, I've changed. A lot. I'm not a nice person to be around anymore. You don't need to pretend.”

Maria can't even comprehend what he's saying for a moment, gobsmacked.

“Alex,” she starts. She shakes her head, and reach out to him with her hand, but he flinches away. “Is that really what you think of yourself? You're a nice person. You're more than a nice person, you're incredible and selfless and resilient and...do you really have no idea how much I love you?”

Alex just stares.

“Fuck, I don't know how I've missed this but I've really been the worst friend, haven't I? How on Earth did I manage to make you think I don't like you?”

“You didn't do anything,” Alex says in a low voice.

“Yes, and that's the problem.” Maria stands up, too restless to stay in place. “It's going to change from now on.”

“What?” Alex looks up at her, confused.

“First, I'm going to break up with Guerin.”

“Maria−”

“No. I may have feelings for him, but it's not worth that. I love you, Alex. You're my best friend. I've been an awful friend to you, but that stops now. I'll be sad for a while, then I'll forget about him and we'll be fine. I don't think it's the same for you, is it?”

Alex's faraway look is admission enough.

“I'm going to break up with him, if we can even call it that, and then I'm going to talk sense into him. If that's what you want. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to let him simmer a bit. Or even rot.”

“No,” Alex shakes his head. “We spent too long doing that.”

“Right. Spite is not like you, of course. But don't let him crush your spirit, Alex. Your father didn't manage. Guerin isn't worth that, either.”

“I love him, Maria. Maybe to the point where it's unhealthy, I don't know. I don't know if I care.”

Maria bites her lip. “Then I'll try to care for you, okay? You have friends. We've been very remiss at our job lately, but I'm going to atone for that by pestering you all the time from now on, okay?”

[piccolina-mina]

Okay @michaelmaria they flagged my response to you stating it violated community policies and couldn't be appealed.

So, now it's about the principle.

Haha. I don't do it THAT often. I usually get me thoughts out there eventually. The last one was what regarding Maria's lifelong fear of her own mind, right? 

I think one of the things that happens, especially in a fandom that sort of gets off on focusing on some character's respective traumas and fears and all of that is that if it doesn't look a certain way, most people don't consider or think about it at all.

There are very real elements of all of these characters. Liz, for example, not wanting to be a runner like her mother but ... she IS a runner. Every day, she's actively choosing NOT to run, and that's important, that's huge for her.  Rosa's very real fear of her own mind. 

Maria has that too. And it's something that I don't think anyone considered much, and I love that they're addressing that more this season. Her mother isn't even 50 and already has a degenerative brain disorder that science can't fix. That's terrifying. And it's something that affected her grandmother too. 

So the likelihood of it reaching her is greater, and that's freaking scary. It's so scary, and so it puts so much into perspective.

She's "the fun friend" for many reasons, but one of them being she has to live her life and have fun before it's too late. She's 28. That means she's preparing herself for not being HERSELF in the next 20 years. 

But she's also stuck, because she's stuck having to take care of her mother and run this bar and make money, so that hinders her being able to live her life fully the way that she may want before her own decline. It's like your working to exist and not getting to live.

And she's also determined to find some solution for her mother because it would also save her too. Because if and when Maria's health declines, is it safe to say she didn't anticipate anyone being there to take care of her or her mother? She doesn't want to burden her friends runs so much deeper than not wanting to talk to them about Mimi.

But this, this makes her anger at Liz just so ... heavy. Because yeah, there were layers to it, and the fact that she never felt safe as is as a WOC is a huge component. But she's terrified of becoming like her mother. And it wasn't that she didn't think it was going to happen, it was scary to think it was happening that soon. 

She thought she had more time. And Liz, who has a mother and a sister with Bipolar and who knew about Mimi's mental health decline and probably knew about Maria's grandmother too just didn't consider any of that. 

Maria has spent years battling this, preparing for this, having this fear of her own mind. And it explains the little things, like maybe why she hasn't fully processed what happened to her when Noah possessed her.

 She just... moved on, which is scary to think about, isn't it? She woke up with Michael telling her that I guess her drink had been spiked, and she could have been laying there thinking that whole time that she was showing signs of an episode. 

And man does that 'i never want you to leave' sentiment hit different when you consider that. As does her breaking down and crying into him ... because she's just exhausted and scared. Putting Mimi in that facility felt finite for her mother, yes, but also for her. 

There is discourse about Michael being a Product of the system he came up within and how that affects him. And discourse about Alex not wanting to be like his father and redefining what it means to be a Manes man, and Kyle's image of his father being shattered as he had to recognize that his father was a flawed man. And Liz and Rosa not wanting to be their mother.

But this with Maria, it's heavy too. 

And so, since of course you are a miluca shipper and mentioned it, this also puts some things in perspective about their relationship too and what Michael represents for Maria because with this discussion so often it's only spoken through Michael's lens of what she represents for him with their romantic relationship and for Maria most of the discussion focuses on her friendship with Alex and how dating Michael affects that. But not what Michael does and represents for her.

But if you consider that Maria has spent most of her life with a deadline, believing that she would succumb to the same fate of her mom before she's even middle-aged, that she doesn't have time,well, her conflicting feelings about Michael and Alex make more sense. 

She was already sacrificing a lot.  And Michael came in like a lifeline. And he was taking care of her, without a second thought. And that's so unexpected but also made her potential fate less scary. Not because she thought he specifically could be the one who took care of her if and when that happened, but there was a reminder that maybe someone actually could. 

She was attracted to him, no doubt, but she actually started to care about him when she saw that he was caring and softer than imagined. 

And she falls him a little more because... he keeps showing up for her. Even when things look bad. 

So yeah, by putting herself first, by I guess being selfish, it wasn't really about Alex at all. And it was something different than "being a terrible friend." 

She lives in the now. Because the future just isn't guaranteed the same way. And I don't think she wanted to give up on that feeling, of comfort, and safety, and stability and being in a relationship with someone she cares about who cares about her while she still can. 

And even with Michael, when it looked like he was descending down a dark path and he kept pushing her away. She basically let know... she just doesn't have the time for his sh!t. 

But yeah, he's someone she could bring her fears to even if she didn't have to speak about them. He didn't ask questions. He was just ... there. But we've also noticed that they talk a lot. We don't always see it onscreen, but it's implied often enough.

They actually communicate with each other. They tell each other things now. And she has really opened herself up and allowed herself to be vulnerable in a way that she doesn't for most other people.

She's allowing herself to be known. As herself. While she still is herself.

But yeah, knowing that she has lived her life accepting that she will just most likely fade away before she's even 50 just really explains a lot about her character, her relationships, and how she carries on....

[lire-casander]

blow the world away

@el-gilliath asked for a sequel to can’t buy back yesterday (ao3 | tumblr) and I couldn’t say no, so here we are! I hope you like it!

[title from Born To Be My Baby by Bon Jovi]  [2,137 words] [malex] [alex manes, michael guerin]   [mentions of torture, mentions of blood, aftermath of torture, mentions of abduction, mentions of suicidal ideation, mentions of miluca] [unbetaʼed]

[alex has been in the air force long enough to know that humans aren’t made for flying without wings] 

read on ao3

part i

blow the world away

He’s been trapped in that rathole cell for longer than he can count, enduring beating after beating, being tortured for information he’s not willing to give away — he’s been dying to keep Michael and his siblings safe.

He’d surrendered himself to Project Shepherd to ensure Isobel and Max never lose the privilege that comes with feeling loved for most of their lives, to guarantee that Michael never has to say goodbye to Maria — Alex has sacrificed himself so they can be happy, so they can still have their fairy tale ending. He didn’t count on Michael actually shredding the place until he found Alex.

And that has always been their problem — they have shared the same goals, the same feelings, but they were never on the same page. They even share the same need to escape this planet, but Alex knows that it’s easier for one of them — it’s simpler to go without the fanfare that a spaceship launch might attract.

He wants to breathe in Michael’s rain scent the moment his hand touches Alex’s skin, and that’s something Alex wasn’t counting on when he accepted the fate thrust upon him, a part of the legendary Manes legacy he’s been trying to destroy.

He didn’t count on Michael finding him, of Michael attempting to save him — he didn’t count on Michael caring.

Alex clutches Michael’s shirt when he’s pushed forward until his face is resting in the crook between Michael’s shoulder and his neck. He can barely move, not only because they removed his prosthetic, but because he has barely eaten anything in the entire time he’s been locked in this building.

They’re flying before Alex can really understand what’s going on around him. One second he was sprawled on the filthy floor of some Project Shepherd's facility cell, and the next he’s in Michael’s arms jumping through a hole in the wall — right into thin air.

He’s flushed against Michael’s chest, the wind around them disheveling his hair as he feels the pull of gravity. He only has one functioning eye — the other swollen from one of the beatings he’s sustained these past days — so he can’t quite assess the situation they’re in fully, not without the pain that surges through his skull whenever he tries to open both his eyes. But he’s sure that there’s no way they’re getting out of this alive.

Nobody — not even an alien with telekinetic powers — survives a jump from at least a third floor.

Not that the alternative was better, he thinks to himself as he clutches Michael’s shirt tighter in between his fingers. He knows how Project Shepherd blows its facilities — he’s been there with Michael when Caulfield exploded in flames of grief and shame — because it’s the same way the military chooses to terminate its business during war.

With a full-out blast that wipes away every evidence that there was any life form around.

Alex has been the one to program the bomb ticked off by a reckless military man pushing a red button more times than he can count.

“Michael,” he manages to say, fingertips wrinkling Michael’s shirt where they’re gripping the fabric tightly. “You fly now, huh?”

“I most certainly don’t,” Michael manages to grit out. He has one hand stretched out, just like Alex has seen him doing countless times — controlling his powers, measuring the impact of his energy on the matter around them, transforming and tweaking and changing it at his will to move things, be it a bottle of beer closer to his hand or a whole vehicle over a trapdoor. Alex recognizes what he’s doing, even in his injured state.

Michael Guerin is controlling the air surrounding them, creating a cushion so they can get to the ground without much more hustle.

“I can’t believe you,” Alex huffs.

“I can’t believe you,” Michael retaliates, frown in place as his hand works the magic helping them not break their necks on their fall. “I come all the way here, I risk my life to save yours and—”

“I told you,” Alex cuts him off. “I didn’t need saving. What do you think it’s going to happen now, Guerin?”

“Right now,” Michael says, breathing heavily through his nose. Alex can see pearls of sweat beading his forehead, the effort he’s making evident in the way his skin wrinkles and his brow quirks just a little above its normal place. “Right now, the building is going to explode so I’m working on getting us as away from it as possible. That’s it,” he grits out, “if you stop talking.”

“I didn’t need saving,” Alex protests, but it’s lost in a gust of wind shaking them both.

They falter, Alex’s grip on Michael slipping as the wind moves them back, closer to the building. When Alex looks around him, he can see the bricks of the old facility threatening in their apparent innocuous existence. “Watch out!” he exclaims, but Michael’s already stopping their fall once again.

“Stop distracting me,” Michael admonishes him. “I’m trying my best not to get us killed by the explosion or the fall.”

“Oh, am I distracting?” Alex tries to push Michael away, but he’s got a tight hold on Alex both by his arm sneaking around Alex’s waist and his powers — now divided between keeping him flush against Michael’s body and keeping them from dropping to a sure death. “I didn’t ask to be saved! I didn’t need to be saved!”

Just as he’s talking, a pang of pain surges through his right leg. He knows they had removed his prosthesis seconds after knocking him out cold next to his car, although there had been no need to be violent. Alex would have gone willingly, knowing it’d have meant the aliens would have been safe from Project Shepherd. He should have known Michael wouldn’t let it go — he wouldn’t just let Alex slip from his memories and go on with his life.

Michael is anything but a quitter, even if his life seems to dance to a completely different tune.

“Are you telling me you were there, being tortured to what looks like your sure death, and didn’t need any help?” Michael finally snaps, their balance broken momentaneously by a flicker in the energy cushioning them. “Alex, you were kidnapped. I don’t know what they gave you, but obviously it’s messing with your head. You can’t be saying that you were willing to die in there.”

Alex wants to contradict him, but Michael is somewhat right in his assumptions. Maybe not consciously, but Alex has been dancing around the idea of leaving Earth for a while now — always picking up the most dangerous tasks while deployed, always pushing further until a building collapsed on him and he had the audacity of surviving — and then, when he came back to Roswell, to the closet he never really left, to the lies surrounding his life as a Manes man, Alex had felt himself disappear through the cracks of an existence he wasn’t sure was his to live.

“I already told you,” Alex whispers. “I already told you there was just one way for me out of this planet.”

He can’t believe they’re having this conversation when they’re hovering several feet over solid ground, escaping from an almost blown building, while they can feel the flames licking the soles of their shoes.

“C’mon, Alex, you can’t be serious,” Michael’s voice trembles by the end of his speech, his whole body now trying to decide whether it’s worth it to keep lowering them or if it’s better to just drop them — after all, with all these distractions Alex is sure they’re going to die anyway.

And isn’t that what he’s been wanting all along, deep down in his soul?

“You’re serious,” Michael mutters, the hand gripping Alex’s waist tightening over the shredded shirt. “Why, Alex? Why would you want that? Why would you do that to everyone who loves you? Why would you do that to me?”

“Nobody would have noticed,” Alex tells him, trying desperately to get rid of Michael’s lock on his body, even if it’s dangerous. “It took you long enough to find me.”

“I have been looking for you everywhere, Alex,” Michael says, a tinge of desperation in his voice as he wrestles to keep Alex close to him. “You don’t get to tell me you want to die when I have just gotten you back.”

“You’d have been fine,” Alex says. His heart is breaking as he speaks, not knowing where these words are coming from or why he’s finally saying them. “You’d have had your siblings, and Liz, and Maria.”

He can feel the way Michael tenses up below him, every muscle of his body locked as he closes off. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Alex.”

“I think I do,” Alex’s voice is gentler now. He wants to convince Michael to drop him and save himself — there’s no way they both get to the ground in time, not with all the effort it seems to be taking Michael to balance them. He needs Michael to let go now, just like he did so many months before. “You looked away, Michael. And you did right.”

“Do you really believe that?” Michael spits. They rock mid-air, Alex gripping at Michael. “I looked away, I admit that. I was foolish to think easy was what I needed. I needed you, and I almost lost you.”

“Michael—”

“Maria broke up with me when you disappeared,” Michael continues, seemingly forgetting about the issue they’re going through — they’re still halfway down. “She—I guess she knew, for a long time, but I spiraled when you vanished. Believe me, Alex,” he turns his head so Alex can see the gleam in his honey-colored eyes, and Alex feels like he’s drowning. “I wish I’d never looked away. I want to make it up to you. Please, please, let me make it up to you.”

Alex wants to retaliate. He wants to remind Michael of all the sorrow they’ve always left in their wake — of all the long lonely nights and the endless miles of sand between them, of all the jabbing and the half-truths spoken with blasting yells and recoiling souls — but what he sees in Michael’s eyes when he dares to look up is haunting.

There are whole galaxies in Michael’s gaze, and they’re solemnly focused on Alex, making him feel like he’s the center of the universe — like he’s Michael’s whole universe.

He simply nods, unable to form words, allowing Michael to continue their descent with a force that now seems effortless, their hearts beating the same tune for the first time since they were seventeen — young and naïve and so in love, they thought they could take on the world.

Throughout the years Alex has found out that he can blow the world up as well.

After what feels like an eternity, but can’t be more than a minute because he can still hear the metallic voice announcing the countdown to the explosion, Michael breathes deeply through his nose and exhales, balancing them in the air and grounding himself to overcome the feet separating them from the ground.

“We’re almost there,” Michael whispers, locking his gaze to Alex’s, pouring in that glance everything he feels — making Alex feel everything, all the despair and the grief and the loss, but also all the love and the elation and the hope.

He’s the one to give Michael his hope back after having realized he’d been the one who took it away all those years ago — not his father and the hammer, but Alex and his decision to fight his own battles. But now, he’s given Michael something to hope for.

For the first time since long before he surrendered himself to Project Shepherd, Alex Manes feels hopeful as well. He wants to say something, anything, but it feels like any word would destroy the peace they’ve found once again by just staring into each other’s eyes.

They don’t hear the telltale hiss of explosives chasing them. They don’t feel the increase in the heat around them. They don’t notice the change in the air — the smell of rain that’s always connected deeply to Michael shifting into ashes as the world turns orange and white around them.

The explosion takes them both by surprise — lost in the midst of tears and feelings flowing freely whenever their eyes meet — the blast making Michael jerk his arm back. He loses all his balance, the fingers that were keeping them steadily falling to the ground at a slow, controlled pace crooked in surprise. Before Alex can say anything, before he can even react, they’re falling quickly to the ground, without the help of Michael’s powers to center them.

All Alex can do is brace himself for impact.

|| tbc ||

[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

saw your post on why you didn’t think that the threesome on roswell wasn’t homophobic and you’re wrong, alex wanted to leave, he expressed his discomfort with miluca being lovey dovey and he wanted to leave. if you’re going to attempt to justify that scene, fine, but don’t fabricate stuff.

ok so to address this I wanted to record the scene but I don’t want to run into copyright infringement so i’m going to use a piece of meta. 

Alex’s talk with Maria in the truck is perhaps some of the most relatable queer representation I’ve ever seen. Because it dives into the different types of love and attraction and how not every touch between two people needs to be sexual in nature. And it lays out very plainly how important it is to have trust between people. But it’s also about recognizing what you do want, and accepting that for yourself. And that conversation is so important toward understanding what happens later on in the Airstream.Because Alex, due to his upbringing, doesn’t believe that he is worthy of being loved in that way. When Maria comforts Michael over the realization that he could have lost both of them, Alex says he should go, not because he doesn’t want to be there. He says it because he feels like he shouldn’t be allowed to be there, to want to be there. Alex feels like an intrusion, even though he’s gone through the same horrifying ordeal and he’s with two people he loves and feels safe around. Maria recognizes that immediately, and moves back to Alex in order to give him the safety he needs as well. Maria is acting in regards to both of the boys love languages - Alex needs that physical touch of reassurance (kissing him), Michael needs to hear it verbally (”it’s okay”). And furthermore, they all need each other in that moment (”I just want us all safe”).But it is specifically Alex’s speech in the truck earlier, about touch and self-acceptance that has me sobbing every time I watch it.

from here https://jumbled-nonsense.tumblr.com/post/616469963256004608

and then there’s this

the threesome happened because alex said he didn’t want to leave, twice. when maria kissed him, he full on kissed her back. the characters had almost lost each other under horrifying circumstances and this was a celebration of love in multiple forms. the people turning that into sexual assault by a black woman are utterly reprehensible.

from here https://fandomshatepeopleofcolor.tumblr.com/post/616482810461634560/p-really-mod-mal-none-of-the-anons-mentioned

so it’s not just me seeing Alex wanting to stay. I’m not the only one. don’t try to gaslight me.

mod m

[pastelwitchling]

I worry about Miluca not breaking up because I feel like Carina takes special interest in wanting to treat her POC characters right (one could argue it’s evident that she actually doesn’t) so I can’t imagine having Michael leave her for another person. On the other hand, it is inevitable so I am like 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anon. I loathe M*ria D*luca. I know many in the fandom that loathe her as well. And because of the latest movement, people seem afraid of saying it. Well, you know what? I don’t have to respect/like/admire M*ria (a fictional character, mind you, in a scifi story) just because of her skin color when her actions are so awful. Many, like me, had wanted so badly to love her, and after the season 1 finale, have come to despise just seeing her on screen.

Treat her POC characters right? Ha.

Look, I don’t pretend to know why everyone in the fandom who hates her does hate her, and I think, with the recent movement that’s come up (I only don’t name it so that this post doesn’t get added to the list of helpful posts that list proper resources or ideas that actually benefit the movement), that discussion is something we each need to at least have with ourselves. Do you hate M*ria because of the writing, or something else that you can’t identify? If it’s the latter, I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself, figure out what that ‘something else’ is, and, if need be, work to fixing that because racism is not an opinion. It’s an unwanted and damaging contribution.

However, if, like me, you hate her because of the writing (which, frankly, I have not seen a single person mention they hate her for any other reason, but maybe I’m just following/blocking the right people), then that responsibility lies on CAM, and in part, yes, on the other writers who have an obligation to speak up and voice their own opinions. Though maybe they are and they’re getting shut down, or maybe they’re terrified because this is their first job, who knows?

I am not expecting her to never make mistakes. That’s unreasonable and unfair. What I am expecting from CAM, however, is that if so many people have come to openly hating M*ria for her actions (I’m talking comments on IG and Twitter, not just Tumblr), then it is your responsibility, as someone who claims to care about good representation, that you take a look at your own writing and ask yourself why so many people seem to agree on the fact that the only POC character in the main cast is hated as much as she is.

If CAM would just open her mind to the slight possibility that she is in fact not infallible, that not everyone who hates M*ria is being racist (I’d argue most that hate her aren’t), simply stating an honest opinion about the character’s actions, that perhaps, in her poor representation of M*ria she is doing a disservice to POC rather than being a great ally, if she just stopped looking at every critique as slander to her own self, then maybe she can come to recognize the truth that we’ve been trying to hammer in since 1x13 which is this;

We want to love M*ria, but as long as she is treated as someone without flaws, someone who did not utterly betray someone she claims to love in more ways than one, we can’t do it. We can’t stand by her, we can’t stand to see her face on screen. At least, I, and others that I’ve seen and spoken to, can’t.

So if she wants to. as you said, treat her POC characters right, she can start with properly acknowledging that They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was improper from the beginning, was built on the broken heart and excuses and forgiveness too easily given out by the gay man (who, for some reason, always has to suffer more than anyone else in the show), and should end with M*ria’s apologies.

[malexfan10]

Malex, Roswell, Miluca and theories for the rest of this season

Last night's episode....

Alex & Gregory? That hug? The emotions? The fact that Alex has a brother in his corner? So amazing ❤😭

The scene Alex had with Forrest was cute and I really like the dynamic between them. I hope he doesn't end up being a bad guy because I enjoy what little I've seen of his character and would like to see him more ❤

The Malex scene? My heart! Where do I start? It's been a long, long time coming for him to say what he said, to defend himself, to point things out to Michael. Mentioning Michael's hand? The "God forbid I have faith in people who don't give me a good reason to!" The way Michael wiped his eye when Alex left? Just YES to the entire exchange! Finally! ❤

As for Miluca, what else can we say at this point? It's being shoved in our faces, down our throats and I hate every bit of it. The chemistry is getting worse and their dynamic is the only one I can't get behind on the show. I understood Michael needing space after S1 but Alex has been trying to show that he isn't walking away & that Michael matters to him all year. Then 2x06 happened and all the extra needless Miluca love scenes. I loathe this pairing sooo much.

Alex getting kidnapped is what so many of us in this fandom have been hoping for. The promo seems amazing and I can't wait to see Michael freaking out and showing that he really cares. It's about damn time! Hopefully it makes Michael wake up and open his eyes. Hopefully he'll admit that their cosmic love is still present, that he's his truest self when he's with Alex. I really, really need a dramatic declaration from Michael now. Alex has done his share of speeches. It's time for Michael to step up and do the same.

I see the season ending in one of 5 ways:

1) Michael admits the truth and ends whatever relationship he has with Maria and he and Alex finally reunite for good. Preferably after Alex pours his heart out through song and it makes Michael do the same. Cue all the kisses! ❤

2) Michael admits the truth and ends whatever relationship he has with Maria. He goes to Alex, heart open, full of declarations but Alex chooses himself in the end. Kind of like what Michael did last year. Malex end on a sad note but Michael vows not to give up. Cue season 3 (I'm OK with this scenario)

3) After the rescue, Alex loses his memory. He doesn't remember anyone, including Michael. Heartbroken but more sure than ever, Michael ends things with Maria and tries to show Alex why they fell in love in the first place until his memories returns. Cue season 3 and all those first dates they deserved. (I don't mind this scenario either because Miluca will be over. Also, Michael showing Alex how much he loves him and Malex falling in love all over again? It's like fanfiction heaven lol)

4) After they rescue Alex, nothing changes. Michael goes back to Maria (🤢🤢🤢) and Alex moves on with Forrest if they keep Forrest as a good guy. (I hate the first part of this scenario and will think long and hard about continuing with season 3 if the Miluca crap fest continues next year. At the very least, I need Alex happy. I can't see him sad and alone again! I just can't!!!)

5) if Carina truly hates us, Maria ends up pregnant 😭 Please, universe, please no! Even though Carina said a long time ago that she doesn't like pregnancy storylines like this, can we trust her words at this point?? I shudder at the thought of this scenario.

👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽

I can't really think of any other way this plays out at the end of the season. I enjoy Forlex a lot but my heart belongs to Malex. My fingers are crossed that this cosmic, epic, written in the stars love story ends on a happy note this year!

🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

[cakebeam]

Thoughts on episode 1?

Well, it happened lol.

It wasn't as terrible as I'd thought it'd be but it also was really bad in ways that I wasn't expecting:

• Did you get in ok? (gross)

• Echo having another one night stand parallel

• Greg being the one pursuing Maria (and is apparently aware she has visions?)

• Miluca still not dead

• Michael still blaming Alex for leaving/upset that Maria broke up with him

• Alex/Maria still bff's without any discussions on her past behavior

• Alex's disability once again, being completely erased from screen (no mobility aids in sight) and not given any representation (let's just put a sock on his prosthetic foot, yeah that'll be fine and totally looks like a normal thing to do after having sex 🙄)

It's a Carina episode, so it was expected that it was going to be bad and not discuss any of her bs narratives from season 2. Hopefully that will change since that was her last episode and I'm here for closure, from season 2 especially. Just going off of 3x01 it doesn't look promising. Hopefully Chris will change things around before the end of the season.

On the plus side we got:

• Forlex/ Forrest is done after 3x01 (and quickly kicked off Deep Sky Plot)

• Bert reference (really hope he comes into the picture and ends up being Maria's love interest and NOT Alex's brother)

• Isobel/Kyle scene (potentially a slow build romance?)

• Kyle/Alex scene

I couldn't enjoy any of Michael's hopeful or "trying to look cute" for Alex moments just because there's still no explanation or reasoning for him being upset that they're not together when he did not choose Alex over Maria (on several occasions) in season 2 and is only interested in Alex now because Maria broke up with him (as mentioned in the episode). Until that gets fixed, I can't root for the guy at all right now.

Extra bits:

• Max with a typewriter LOL, his extra ass

• Rosa looks so healthy, I love it

• Why does Wyatt have a southern accent when no one else does?

• Where the f*ck is Arturo?

• Good job RNM on deflating the murder/death of the season, I don't think anyone's going to care about that anymore