#this one I've made and a friend of mines
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EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH TURNS TO GOLD
#redraw of an extremely old drawing i made of enoch (i am not looking for it bc its that old-#my art#off enoch#pink#pours molten gold on you#get gilded idiot#if i had a quarter for every time ive seen an enoch drawing related to that song i would have 2 quarters#this one I've made and a friend of mines#i committed it first so i win /j#off game
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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Sincerity is everything by the way. Sincerity crosses oceans in a blink. Sincerity sees you going places you haven't been and discovering connections that will mean the world to you. Sincerity is enough to heal the heartbroken and make the apathetic see and bring about such miracles as a friend you never would've met if not for sincerity sending you a funny picture because you said something that made them decide to take it. Because of sincerity. By the way.
#max says things tag#this post is about one of my favorite pictures on my phone and also remembering that i may have made a creator whose work i love cry once.#not for sure but i might have. keeps me up at night at least once a year#i've decided that this is also about things like a friend of mine making hot dr. pepper and my favorite picture of my mom
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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for some reason i can't explain i know saint peter won't call my name
nothing that lives, lives forever - an immortal soldier!alton more au
(1.1k of snippets from my old guard(ish) au where alton more is old, too old, and has been living and fighting far longer than anyone should. full description/other thoughts at the bottom. tw: blood, violence, mentions of death)
Alton clicked the lighter closed, running a thumb over the silver case. The night was warm, sticky in a way that he never could get used to. He sucked in a breath from the cheap cigarette, letting his head fall back against the rough side of the barracks.
It was quiet. Typically, there would be no end to the commotion coming from the small building, one of many that littered Camp Toccoa. The wall of sound was ever-present, no matter if it was shouting or laughing or snoring. But whatever the cause, there was always noise.
No matter if it was a blanket of noise he knew well, unchanging except for the language and the scenery. Soldiers are soldiers, and some things are a constant. It could almost be comforting, if it didn’t also mean that the need for soldiers was a constant as well.
However, tonight was a Saturday, and it was one of the few weekends that Sobel had allowed Easy the use of their weekend passes. Almost every man in the company had jumped at the chance to get off base, to travel home if they could and spend time with loved ones. The ones with farther-flung hometowns had spirited off to Atlanta, happy to spend their time drinking and dancing and fucking instead of slogging through another run, three miles up, three miles down.
Normally, Alton would have joined them in their carousing - it was easier to pass the time with the effortless camaraderie built during a training camp than bored and alone.
But today had been a bad day. The sound of swords and the shift of sand beneath his feet followed him out of his nightmares, the humid summer of Georgia morphing itself into the baking, dry heat of the desert.
His shouts must have been real, because when a hand came to shake him out of his dream, the first face he saw was not that of a grouchy NCO, but of a blood-caked Saracen, eyes alight with righteous fury.
Alton didn’t think. He had grabbed the knife from under his pillow, an old thing that had been sharpened more times than he could begin to count, and was on the man in less than a breath, pressing the blade into the side of his neck. The familiar thrum of blood beat against his fingertips, the grit of sand scratched his gums. He knew what he had to do, had done it a thousand times, a thousand thousand times, what was a little more bloodshed spilled across his feet-
Alton had blinked, and came to himself in a rush.
Instead of an unnamed Saracen, the ashen face of Johnny Martin stared up at him, eyes wide behind the knife.
Alton drew back his hand, retreating almost as quick as he had lunged earlier. He mumbled a quick curse and apology as he stepped out of arm’s reach from the man. It wasn’t until Martin’s eyes widened even farther that Alton realized his tongue was slipping out Arabic of all things.
Usually, Alton was better about remembering himself, who he was almost as important as where he was. But for whatever reason, his demons had decided to catch up with him that night.
After a quick smile and some quip about the Krauts in his dreams, he managed to wave an only-slightly-mollified Martin off. The shorter man apparently hadn’t forgotten it though, if his watchful eyes during chow that morning were anything to go by.
Alton was just glad that no one else was awake to see it, at least. That was the last thing he needed.
And so, instead of joining in on a weekend of broads and booze, Alton found himself waving away the invitation by an eager Smokey and bemused Alley. When the horde made their way out of the barracks, fantasizing in bawdy terms about their planned misadventures, he felt like he could breathe easy.
Fucking finally.
~~
Alton took another drag from the cigarette. He watched the smoke curl, up and up until it faded into nothing amongst the darkening sky.
The lighter was a welcome weight in his hand, grounding him to this time, this life.
The design was worn by now, details barely visible after a half century of worrying. It still managed to amaze him, sometimes, what people could do with the smallest of canvases. Alton didn’t feel the same wonder however, wasn’t as mesmerized by the beauty man could create as he once was.
But in the quiet moments, he could still appreciate the time some French craftsman took to transform a hunk of metal into a small token carried around by a dead man.
Luz had spied the lighter one weekend, and laughed at him for using something so old-fashioned. Alton just shrugged, not caring to admit that he was still getting used to having a light at his fingertips. It wasn’t all that long ago when he was still lighting a pipe with a flintlock pistol, and not so long before that when he would carry around a flint and steel.
Time was passing all the more quickly these days, technologies changing and advancing, and everyone was obsessed with needing things to be quicker, cheaper, simpler. Alton scoffed. He could hardly find it in him to care.
He glanced down at the lighter in his hand, shifting it back and forth in a practiced motion and watched as the light skittered across the sides.
It had shown flowers, once. A veritable garden of carnations, daffodils, and lilies of the valley, with leaves spilling across the front panel onto the back. They represent good fortune, he was told. Good fortune, luck, and hope.
When the merchant described it to him, eyes ablaze with a passion known only to those with wares to sell, Alton didn’t try to hide the snort that escaped his throat.
Fortune and Luck had abandoned him long ago, and hadn’t returned since waking up in a battlefield abandoned by all but the dead, sword in his chest and blood in his mouth.
And what the fuck was Alton supposed to do with hope?
It was the quote on the back that had caught his eye, all those years ago in a street market in Reims. The beveled edges had faded with time, the familiar letters Alton traced were more memory by now than any physical mark. Une vie honorable est une vie éternelle.
An honorable life is an eternal life.
Alton couldn’t help but stare at the message, both then and now. He hated that goddamn word. Immortal. Unending. Eternal.
They were such flowery words, used by people who craved what they couldn’t have, what they shouldn’t. The romanticized idea of the everlasting, the fountain of youth, the gift of life! Alton was sick of it.
This wasn’t life. He was a fucking dead man walking. And he sure as hell didn’t do anything honorable to deserve it.
months ago, while thinking about the absolute insanity of the almost...cavalier? attitude we see alton more have over the course of the series, an idea hit my brain: what if there was a reason nothing seemed to phase him - not panzers, not being a breath away from a car wreck, not bastogne, not speirs? what if this wasn't his first war? that thought spiraled me into a minor insanity that is this: my immortal soldier!alton more au, loosely inspired by the movie the old guard (2020). the idea is that, once upon a time, there was a soldier in a land many centuries ago. one day, he died in battle. and then, he woke up. and then he died. and then he woke up. over, and over. drawn to countless battles, conflicts, and wars, each one etching itself into the core of his soul. a never-ending cycle...until one sweltering summer, where he found himself at a training camp at the foot of a mountain. anyways. at some point, i plan on writing this as a full story, but that is admittedly a long ways away. however, in celebration of alton more's birthday today, i wanted to post my favorite scene that i've written for this au! it's set sometime at the beginning of the story, in the early days of camp toccoa. mostly, it's just a character study of this version of alton more. hope you enjoyed! and of course - happy birthday alton more!
(song insp.)
taglist: @sweetxvanixlla @coco-bean-1218 @bucky32557038ww2 @georgieluz @samwinchesterslostshoe @xxluckystrike @next-autopsy @ronald-speirs @land-sh @ronsparky @panzershrike-pretz @theredrenard @kyellin
#happy alton more day!#holy shit im actually posting this...i've been sitting on it for MONTHS#but YEAH its just...the gothic romanticism about the physical embodiment of war and soldiers and the concept of death you know??#what it means to feel and to live and to connect to those around you when it all feels so fleeting#fleeting not just due to the nature of war but also the nature of immortality#or something#...look i have a lot of thoughts about this story okay#it kills me#its also known in my brain as the “how immortal soldier!alton more made friends” story#because literally thats it thats the plot#OH WAIT did i forget to mention that speirs is also an immortal soldier in this story??#oh yeah thats the best fucking bit - they met like centuries and centuries ago on the wrong ends of one of the various punic wars#(where speirs was known back then as...wait for it...TERTIUS)#its good goddamn shit okay#also explains why alton is so fucking unflinching towards speirs at any given point and why they were so petty about the photo albums#ANYWAYS if anyone wants to hear more about this!! come stop on by!!!#also yes the title is a reference to the old guard#as is the reference to the siege of jerusalem which is where joe and nicky met#immortal soldier!alton more#alton more#nothing that lives lives forever#easy company#band of brothers fic#mine#band of brothers#bofb#hbowar#em's moodboards#em writes#jesus christ i guess that's a tag now
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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when there’s another danganronpa idk
#meepo art#danganronpa another#dra#satsuki iranami#kinji uehara#monokuma#girl help i'm danganronpa posting for real now.#okay but i've been watching a playthrough done by a friend of mine and i'm very interested in this fangan. it's very good#also i'm obsessed over satsuki as a lot of players are. especially me and my other two friends. including the one lets playing#i love this goofy clown lass so much fr but she also made me insane. just like another blue danganronpa motherfucker after chapter 4#also uehara sketch because i find him pretty neat too. only catholic i respect /joke#oh yeah i gave satsuki some plus-sized swag because she deserves it :]
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I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.
I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.
#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still#also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly#but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on#I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am#for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night#who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane#there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable?#which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable...#to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes#but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories#were actual dreams#i should write a fanfic about this lmao#it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air?#and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really.#he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was#i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times#i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen.#and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that.#i still get dizzy remembering it.#welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight...#I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect.#but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder#and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain#I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly#kill me.
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AUUUUUUGH! I miss my little guy your honor!! I miss him so damn much!!!
#pan rambles#I've been listening to some songs and AUGH...#Sorry for bringing up the original story me and 2 close pals of mine have made again but AUGH#I MISS MY LITTLE GUYYYY#The way that despite everything he stays kind...#How being the Hero and Saving the World is cool and all#but what his real motivation for starting his journey is wanting to create a world that was safe for his family#How deeply he cares about his younger siblings and mother and how being apart from them hurts from time to time#How in one ending he achieves his goal of creating a safe world for his family#at the cost of watching all the friends he met across his journey die#He won and was called a hero but at the cost at becoming a shell of his former self#How his mother and siblings saw him leave with a smile on his face and coming back with a dead look in his eyes. How he looked so exhausted#How in another ending he achieves the same goal and even creates a world where the Villain got to live a better life#but this time at the cost of his life and memories. Specifically everyone's memories of him-#He got what he wanted and no one will remember him#And then there's the good ending <3#Anyways yeah sorry I just needed to ramble a bit about my little guy-afksnfkdn He's so special to me <3#no amount of s/i angst will ever top what I've made my little guy go through
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My friends don't hate me, they're just busy.
My friends don't hate me, they're just busy.
My-
#hitting that fun point where my brain starts insisting that my friends are secretly think I'm annoying#it doesn't help that I'm not getting an answer from like three of them?#which happens every so often#one of them (who was my best friend) actually ghosted me like 2.5 years ago and i'm still recovering lololol#the other two drop out of contact sometimes cause Mental Health Issues#it's just not helping that they both did it at the same time this year#one of them it was like less than a month after i flew out to visit her in person#so that's great#we're like two or three months into no reply from her#and my last friend from high school that still lives in the area doesn't really hang out without me setting it up#i realized that and decided to hold off on asking to hang out after work to see when she would start sending messages#one month in and nothing#i know it's kinda dumb to do the wait to set when they message first thing but I was kinda curious to see#i honestly thought she'd text something by now#instead i'm coming to the realization that maybe i don't matter that much to her?#maybe she doesn't even like me#when we meet up we talk about her work and life a lot but it feels like she doesn't pay attention when i talk about mine#like i'll be talking about work and she'll be on her phone texting her boyfriend#i've made some new friends but i'm no one's best friend#god i miss having a best friend
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I've been keeping them hidden for long enough. Meet the sillies! I think I posted both separately in their origin sketches at some point
I just started drawing this in the middle of fandom pause when I didn't exactly have anything to think about or draw some time june probably
One of the most successful tries to put those guys in the same space also trying to figure out... Whatever they have going on
This one is old enough but I still like the expression and the hug
#my art#sketch#oc#oc art#They DO have names#But I'm bad an names so their names are short#The Evil (tm) one is called Sam#The sunshine that literally came to me in a dream is called Par#Sam was created without any pronouns in mind so I literally just refer them with whatever#Par on the other hand was always a he#A funny thing with Sam is that I've literally had people doing the “wow a cool girl” and “what a nice boy” AND referred as 'they'#All by different people who saw them without context#It's funny and I don't mind but mentally I usually use them for... Them#Par's friends are a long time ocs that have their concepts clear but no fucking design aside from 'yeah that sounds neat'#I lowkey hate Sam's hair so much it's hard to draw without refs that I knowingly made beforehand#Their design is just me going hm and just not thinking much#That thing that they're hugging is from a different drawing of mine#A silent guide of sorts#Basically I go to these guys if I need some time off fandoms#artists on tumblr
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“Everyone wants me to pick a side –bow to either the sinner or the saint, but never both. But that’s exactly who I am and I’ve made peace with that.”
We Were Born Sick Series » Bird Wayne; @twofacedharveydent
#ocappreciation#gotham fanfiction#fic. we were born sick#mine*#made for friend#sagelondyn#sage bday#sage bday 2024#(happy happy birthday bestie boo!)#(🎂🎂🎂)#(i imagined this differently in my head but still happy with how it turned out)#(and i know i've used that quote before in edits but it's one of my faves)
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new oc!!!!! again
#my doodles#oc tag#does not have a name yet. sorry#does anybody care about my ocs and the stories behind them. please say yes#this one is friends with my other oc rue (who i've posted a few times in the past) but doesn't have any relation to the ocs i normally post#(ocs i normally post about are like.... vin and stuff)#however#even though the human version of her doesn't hold relation to those ocs. THE ANIMAL VERSION OF HER DOES!!!! MWAHAHAHHAHA#and theres plot relevence to this but .bleh#when i learn how to draw i'd like to make a comic about my ocs#also i said this oc is friends with rue but shes also friends with another oc of mine (rini)#but i haven't ever posted the human version of rini before. i've only posted the bunny version of them#i'd like to make this new ocs name begin with R as well. i've had her place in the story sorta decided on for a while but#i'm only really properly inventing her now#does anybody read this? my oc story is very messy sorr y. but hey maybe someday it'll be better and more consistent#and maybe someday somebody else will be able to liek. know what the hell is going on in it#anyways i'll design her animal version at a later date. i made her human design while i was on break in school#so i'll probably try to think of an animal version .....also during a break in school#anyways bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#paige tag
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very minor thing I still definitely deserve a medal for:
being raised catholic, and now as an adult repeatedly falling in love with characters that fandoms like to declare catholic, but still managing to reject those headcanons because at heart I'm too much of a stickler for accurate analysis to get behind them when i know the person in question is really meant to be anglican/episcopalian/whatever other flavor of christian
i am being, as the poets say, so brave about it
#i dont wanna list examples bc this is just a lil vent post im not looking to make this pop up in any tags & insult anybody#bc tbh some of the worst offenders are absolutely top-tier favorite characters of mine with woefully small fandoms#& the LAST thing i wanna do is be rude about or discourage anyone who posts about/writes for/discusses them#just because i happen to have trouble getting on board with one part of their analysis.#but it does amaze me that this Keeps happening#talk about resisting temptation#& for the record when i say 'raised catholic' i do not just mean christmas and easter catholic okay#im talking 'college was the first time in my life religion wasnt a required subject' catholic#'virtually everybody i knew as a teen went to different single-sex high schools' catholic#horrible uniforms. strict nuns. classes interrupted for masses for even the minor holidays. joined choir for something to do-catholic#as an adult i still have friends & acquaintances who work in/for churches type-catholic#my mom actively tries to hide rosary beads & scapulars in my bags & car every time i come home catholic#(i dont even think most people know what scapulars ARE for christ's sake! & if they think they do they're probably picturing the wrong one#meanwhile i've got a routine list of hiding spots to check for them before driving away)#my point is.#if it made even a scrap of sense for any of these characters to actually be catholics trust me i'd be the FIRST one saying so#bc i know i could write the SHIT out of all the angsty repressed queer guilt religious trauma stuff everyone's drawn to it for#that's like the very least i could get out of having been up to my eyeballs in it for the first two decades of my life#but 99% of the time it just doesn't track w/ what we know about them at all im sorry.#im sorry your moodboard yearns for stained glass saints#im sorry your fic hinges upon a flashback to a certain sacrament#but im just not buying it
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I see a fictional businessman and fold soooooo fast
#i downloaded mystic messenger today bc the otome game i usually play EATS STORAGE#and lord knows i have noooooo storage on this phone of mine#my friend recommended mystic messenger to me yeaaars ago (8th grade) and she said i'd like it#i never forgot!!!!!!!#so today i was like “i have two options. either i delete everything or i download a different game”#and so. well. i'm trying to do both rn LMFAO#but i ended up downloading mystic messenger first#the otome game that i've been playing on and off for YEARS is mr love queen's choice for those curious#i've been playing it since.... i think ninth grade#but anyways there's like. a businessman in mystic messenger and i just.#i always fold for them it's starting to become a problem#like. this is now the third one. what is the common thread here.#i'm worried for mystic messenger btw bc APPARENTLY i'm supposed to be keeping up with like all these chats or smn#AND MY PHONE WOULDN'T PLAY THE TUTORIAL VIDEO AT THE BEGINNING SO IDK WHAT THE MECHANICS ARE#SOMETIMES HEARTS FLY ACROSS MY SCREEN CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN PLS#can i tag this as mystic messenger and hope someone sees...#i'm being so fr i wish i could find the video online but i don't think i've seen it anywhereeeee ough i just wanna know why there's hearts#the game is keeping track of how many hearts i have what are they supposed to do </3#i can't imagine playing mystic messenger in middle school bc howwww do you keep up w/ all the chats?? i'd go crazy#originally i made this post to talk about my boys. but now i don't really feel like it LMFAO but if anybody has played mm please help
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DANI HAINES x CLAIRE REDFIELD / template.
#mine.#pair: dani x claire#oc: dani#click for better quality ♡#i was originally going to upload both the claire and carlos ones in the same post but their colours clash together i feel so i'll leave it#for now (i mean i still need to get a picture for him cause it's hard finding hd ones of his face model)#anyway!! the cooking one. i've talked about dani and cooking lmao but i also feel like claire is like... they are microwave chefs. or order#takeout. they are not good cooks lmao and good for them honestly!! like i have many thoughts with claire but i won't ramble too too much in#the tags because we all know how i get!! also they both spoil each other but dani is like. a lot. she's... she's a lot. font is supposed to#be similar to made in heaven logo on her new classic costume and jacket but ya know. just the vibes!! you understand!! and helicopter icon#for dani will be used on carlos template me thinks but butterfly for now. couldn't find nice bird ones but i mean. they are both her lil#motifs so it's fine!! but yes now you know what i mean when i was saying their colours are like a watermelon and i'm kinda obsessed with it#OH also dani's jealousy level is higher than both claire's and carlos' which is so funny to me because like they are in a v polycule so#those two are just friends and she's the one with two partners and yet she's the more jealous one. okay dani. i love her#the shut up kiss makes me go insane though... looking at first to confess and first to kiss and gestures vaguely. i'm normal about that!!!#and first thing in my edits tag that isn't blue... this is weird this is so so weird oh my god#posting this now even though people are busy and such but if it stays in my drafts any longer i'll lose my mind soooo goodnight besties hope#everyone is having good holidays!!
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