#this objectively didn't have anything to do with any of my struggles today (first time in weeks???? lol)

[kimmkitsuragi]

i cant say today was my worst prejury submission experience but it's definitely up there

[nameless-ghoul-trash]

Hi, I’m new here! I’m not sure if requests are open or if you’re currently writing for ghost, but could we have a scenario where there is a new female ghoul and they’re trying to figure out where they fit in the hierarchy. She’s bratty and challenges sodo, but he’s having none of it and it gets a bit smutty/suggestive and has her submitting. Thank you and my apologies if you don’t write anything like this!

Hello! You got the honor of being my first request! I hope this meets your expectations! I tried my best!

Sodo x F!Ghoul!Reader

2.5k words

Minors DNI

Lightly proofread

Warnings: choking, degradation, male receiving oral, spanking, cussing. (Let me know if I miss any)

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  You walk down one of the many halls of the abbey. It was time for your third practice with the rest of the band today. You were still fairly new, only having been summoned a little over a month ago. You didn't entirely have everything figured out yet. Everyone was nice enough to you. All except for one. Sodo. Brought in to be a second rhythm guitar and backup vocals, he didn't believe they needed you. Not that you were here to appease him. You first impression on each other had exactly been great either. You had pushed you luck with all of them. Getting away with most of it, much to your enjoyment.

   Coming up to the practice room, you note everyone was already there, save for Swiss and Sodo. Making your way over to your guitar case, you begin pulling everything out. Tuning and securing your guitar, you take a seat on one of the risers. You messing with your finger while waiting on the other two to show when you note a pair of feet stop in front of you, you glance up. Papa smiles down at you. "Hey, are you doing, little one?" He says to you. "I am fine, Papa. Thank you for asking." You politely respond. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Swiss saunter into the room. "Good. Are you adjusting to life in the ministry well?"  To that, you shrug, not giving a verbal response. Placing his hand on your shoulder, he gives a quick squeeze. "Well, if you are ever in need, you can come to me." He reassures, going to step away. 10 minutes pass, and you start to grow irritated. Sodo had still not shown up. Swiss and Phantom were wrestling around trying to pass the time while everyone else just lounged around.

   Not paying attention, Phantom took a step back and landed right on your tail. You immediately let out a hiss, ears flattening. The moment he lifted his foot, you wrapped your tail around yourself. Turning to look at him, you glare. "Watch what you're fucking doing!" You seethed. "Jeez, I'm sorry." He grumbled throwing his hands up in mock surrender. Sodo finally decided to make his entrance when you turn back around, a lazy grin on his face. Scoffing you stand. "Nice of you to finally show up." His grin falters slightly, eyes narrowing in on you. "If you have a problem with me, write it on a piece of paper, fold it and stick it up your ass." He spat back. You hear someone try and stiffle a snort. You roll your eyes as he moves to get ready and stand in his spot.  Papa moves to stand infront of everyone. "Okay let's start at the beginning of the set list and make our way through. Yes?" With no objections he instructs you all to start. You muddle through the first 5 song with only having a few noticeable mistakes. You were now on Cirice. You make it through the first half of the intro, but completely mess up the timing for the second half. You hadn't had much time to memorize every song yet, struggling with most of them still. Papa waved his hand to stop everyone. You immediately feel you face heat, wishing you had your helmet right about now.  "How about we start from the beginning again." Papa asks. Letting out a frustrated sigh you prepared to begin. The first half goes fine, but when you get the same spot, you can't seem to play it right. Papa stops everyone for the second time. "Let's take a breather. Pick up where we left off in about 10 minutes." A couple groans could be heard at Papa's announcement, causing your frustration and embarrassment to grow. Phantom and Papa both move towards you. Phantom showing you the tabs and Papa helping you with timing. The three of you running through it together, only for you to still not get it quite right. After your third time, you finally get it right. With some praise from Papa, everyone returns to their spots. "Okay, from the top."  

   Making it thought the rest of practice without any more major hickups, you thank Satan. Wrapping up, you walk over to where you keep your guitar. You had noticed your strings needed to be replaced during practice. Placing your guitar down, you start to pull out all the necessary equipment. Feeling someone's eyes on you, you half tun to find Sodo staring at you a few steps away from the door, waiting for the other guys. You roll your eyes, flip him off, and continue what you were originally doing. Once you finish restringing your guitar, you turn around and realize you were alone. Sighing you, look at the clock on the wall 4:28pm. Deciding to use this time to get in a little more practice without the pressure everyone being there, you get comfortable. You would have to do it all over again tomorrow.

------

   In the same predicament as yesterday, everyone was waiting on Sodo. You sat quietly, strumming some cords. After about 20 minutes, Sodo finally made his presence know. He stops beside you and grabs his guitar, throwing the strap over his shoulder. "You know, for someone who's in such an important role, it seems to me like you sure don't like to be here." You mumbles loud enough for him to catch it. He pauses  looking at you. "I don't remember asking for your input." He bit back at you. You stand up, so you are toe to toe. The tension in the room was palpable. "Hey, how about we get started." Papa tried and failed to get either of your attention. The others were watching the interaction closely. "I'm just saying! Maybe that's why they brought me in. To cover for you late ass. Maybe I'll end up as your replacement. Can't preform if you don't show the fuck up. Maybe I'll end up better then you." You jab a finger in his chest, making him tense. You were pushing on a sensitive subject and you knew it. You could see his face contort in to one of anger, ears pinned back, and tail violently cutting through the air. "I'll show you exactly what you fucking are, you little bitch." The vemon in his voice threatening. You growl in a challenging manner and glare the moment the words left his mouth. Before he even made a move for you the others sprung into action. Rain getting to the two of you first, he shoved his way between, pushing the hot-headed ghoul back, baring his teeth, trying to get Sodos attention on him. Phantom going behind, he grabbed Sodos' raised arm. Sodo did not take to kindly to this, turning his angry gaze to him and ripping his arm out of his hands. "That is enough!" Papa bellowed out. Voice packed with authority. At his words, everyone froze. It startled you he had never spoken in such a way around you before. "I will not have you guys fighting. You have a job to do now fucking do it."  Slowly everyone moved to their respective places, Sodo's eyes tracking your movements. You stood your ground and held your head high, not letting him win.

   Practice went relatively smoothly. The room remained tense. Not many words spoken aside from Papa giving instructions. At the end, you were quick to put everything away and try to leave.  Meeting you at the door, Swiss offers a smile. "I'll walk back with you." Shrugging, you walk out to into the hall. "You know that took some real balls. Going toe to toe with our residential gremlin like that."  You give a snort. "Well, if he didn't waste my time, I wouldn't have done it." A lie. You probably still would find a reason to make a smart-ass remark one way or another. He chuckles a bit. "I think you should be careful, though. He can be a bit unpredictable at times."  You shake your head with a light chuckle. "Thanks for the warning, I guess. I'm sure I could handle myself, though. Plus, you guys can just save me again!" You say jokingly, giving a small smile. The rest of the way, you guys are in a comfortable silence. Getting back to the ghouls den you b-line straight for the kitchen. "Thanks for walking with me." You call back to swiss. "No problem." Grabbing a snack, you make your way to your room, locking the door. You typically avoid eating supper with the rest of the band, choosing to instead stay in your room. Normally, you wait for everyone to go where they would be staying for the night before leaving your room. 

   You decide tonight you would watch some TV in the common room once it was empty. Putting your snack of choice on your bedside table, you strip. Throwing on a tank top and a pair of sleep shorts, you burrow into your nest of blankets and open the book you've been working on to pass the time.

------

   Around 11:30, you had finally curled up on the couch, eating leftovers. Flipping through different shows, you finally pick a movie. Putting the remote down, you sink back into the couch and focus on the screen. Finishing your food, you pause the movie and head to the kitchen. You try to wash your dishes as quietly as possible. Putting the now clean dishes away, you walk back to the couch. Before you can sit back down, you hear a voice come from behind you. "So it does come out of its room."  Spinning around you face the unexpected presence "What the fuck do you want? And dont call me an it, asshat." Sodo snickers at you. "You know that attitude of yours, it's going to land you in more trouble then I think you realize." He warned.

   You take him in for a second. He was in a tee-shirt and a loose-fitting pair of sweatpants. His long hair flowing over his shoulders. His eyes are zeroed in on you. Slowly, he walks around the couch to stand in front of you. "And what are you going to do about?" You challenge stepping closer so your noses are barely 4 inches apart. His eyes darken. "I'll do exactly what I told you I would."  In one fluid motion, he grabs onto your right knee and drags it up to his waist, his other hand pushing you down to the couch by your neck simultaneously. You let out a surprised cry as your back lands on the couch, Sodos body above you. Hand still on your throat, he pushes your body to be completely on the couch and leans down. "I'm going to show you exactly what you are, and no one's here to save you this time." He whispered in your ear before chuckling darkly and nipping at the shell of your ear. Shivers trail down your spin, a pool of heat forming in your belly. His grip on your neck tightens, but not to the point that it would hurt you too much. His tail comes up the wrap tightly around the ankle of the leg he has pinned to his side so he could let go. Leaning back up, he looks you dead in the eye. "I suggest you be a very good girl." He pushed your shorts aside and runs a finger through your wet folds. His words and actions cause you to swallow a moan. You couldn't get your thoughts in order, just staring up at him. "Are you going to be a good girl for me? Or am i going to fuck that attitude right out of you." He questioned dragging his finger over your clit, pulling a gasp from you. You stare at him for just a minute longer before narrowing your eyes. "I don't think you could, I heard that your dicks about as short as your temper." You provoke him, trying to push his buttons. You must have pushed the right button because before you knew it he was getting off you and manhandled you so you were laying across his lap.

   Grabbing your tail with one hand to keep it out of the way, he slides your shorts down to expose your ass. "Count" was the only warning you got before a resounding smack rang through the room. The impact on you ass left a burning sting, making you gasp. He waited a moment, rubbing the now tender spot. When he didn't hear a word from you, he growled. "I said count." Smack. Gasping out a strangled one, he sounded pleased. He rubbed the spot again before landing another blow. Smack. "Two." Smack. "Three." Smack. "Four." By the fourth, you had tears rolling down your face. Letting go of your tail, he set you up he  and wiped them away. "Are you okay?" He asked softy, forehead touching yours. You nodded. "Can you keep going?" Another nod. "I need words." He pressed. You finally let out a small "Yes." To which he grinned, his kind and caring demeanor for a few seconds ago completely changed. "Good. Get on your knees in front of me." His voice full of authority. Looking at him, your eyes widen. "What?" He gave you a dark look. "I said, get on you fucking knees." Sinking onto the floor you do as he says.

   Lifting his hips he pushes his pants down, releasing his fully hard cock from its confines. He was anything but small. Studying him for a minute, you let out an unsteady breath. The head was a flushed, angry pink. The body of his cock had a slight curve and the perfect amount of veins running the length of it. Making eye contact you reach for it. "Be a good little slut. Suck it." He taunts. Taking it in your hands, you pump it a few times before bringing it to your lips. His body shudders under your touch, his eyes closing. Suckling on the head a bit, you continue to watch him, gauging his reactions.  Eventually, you sink down to take as much it to your mouth as you could manage. Bringing lips back up to the tip, you begin to bob up and down. Sodo's let's out a strangled moan. His hand reaches for you, entangling in your (h/c) hair, and presses you down harder. "You like that, don't you? You like chocking on my cock like the whore you are?" You moan on his dick at the question. Opening his eyes, listening to the sounds you make. He starts thrusts into your mouth a couple of times. "Your a little slut. A little slut who likes sucking on my cock. You dirty little whore." He then pushes to the back of your throat and stills. You suck hard as you drag up to the tip, ripping a groan out of him. Sliding back down as far as you can manage, you do it three more times.  With tight grip on your hair, he pulls you off his dick, saliva still connecting your lips to it. "You keep doing that your going to make me cum." Sodo pants, smiling. "That was the plan." You smile back. "How about we finish this in my room?" Sodo releases his grip on your hair and helps you up.

------

The next day, everybody was sitting in the practice room, waiting for Sodo. You had your insults locked and loaded but for different reasons now. You knew there would be consequences, and you were going to enjoy every minute of it.

------

Feedback is always appreciated! Thank you for the read! Requests are open!

[mychlapci]

Sorry my liege... this peasant is doing such a poor job at not clogging the royal inbox...

Absolute nonsense idea today but consider if fulcrum's k-con reframing came with cat ears and tail. The minor code alterations based on the cybercat and those additional audial receptors help them target better. They do essentially have to learn to airdive in basically no time at all, so any additional sensors really help. And honestly the only reason the choice form factor of said sensors is Cat Ears is purely for the humiliation aspect. The k-cons were set for death after all. High Command would have wanted this to be as unpleasant as possible.

Anyway I don't think it would have bothered fulcrum too much at first. He was going to be deactivated anyway like. Who cares about some cat ears.

Later tho. When he eventually wakes up again, somehow still alive... well... suddenly he's here to stay. Suddenly he has a team of sorts. And suddenly he has to deal with the mortifying reality of having these funny appendages.

Really living for the first time in a long long time, and especially having other mechs around to comment on them, he starts to realise those appendages do quite a lot of things. They move around. A lot.

The tail is so stupid. It flicks around all the time. He accidentally whacks his tail too hard on objects around him a few times and it hurts. It also flicks around when he's excited and curls around when he's nervous- It's embarrassing really.

Or maybe it wouldn't have been so embarrassing if his weird little posse didn't keep pointing them out. They really don't need to keep telling him when his tail flicks around. He doesn't need to know!!!

Misfire especially. The jet loves to tell him exactly when he sees the thing move. Its like really bad sports commentary. Oh it's swooshing!! Look it's all bristled now!! Fluffy!!! He doesn't want to know. He doesn't want to know he's 'cute'

The ears are somehow even worse. They're even more closely linked to his emotions, if that was even possible. Sometimes he may look passive, but those ears give him away. Not that he would usually mind. But he does mind when misfire takes every opportunity to be like 'awwww you sad? Your kitty ears look sad'

....the only good thing about the appendages turns out to be that they do feel kinda good. Misfire loves to grab anything he can get his sticky servos on. It's no surprise when he pokes at fulcrum's ears one day, happily kicking his legs when the fluffy ears twitch.

It's stupid and annoying and fulcrum swats at misfire in hopes of getting the mech to stop. Or at least he does until the poking and prodding suddenly morphs into gentle scratching. Misfire's digits smooth over the fur and then start scratching behind his ears.

Fulcrum just melts immediately. It feels like he's lost power to all his joints. His struts cease to exist. Even the little servos that control every flick and swivel of his stupid ears relax.

He finds himself slumping onto the jet, engine purring as he struggles to keeps his optics online.

He doesn't know what's come over him but it feels good. He continues to lay against misfire even as the other's servos wander. He's stroked along the back of his helm, down his back... His engine continues to purr in contentment.

But when misfire's servo reaches the base of his back strut, stroking over the base of his tail, it's really good. It's a little bit too good. He arches a little into the touch and he hears misfire giggle. Stupid mech probably thinks it's funny.

An amused misfire is a troublesome one, usually. His digits wrap around the base of the tail and stroke, sending a shiver down fulcrum's back struts. It's kinda weird but he doesn't quite have it in him to tell misfire to stop

The digits sink lower until they press against the joint between the tail and his aft. He really should have realised this was bad when he actually pressed back into the touch, lifting his hips to push against the fingers.

By the time misfire starts massaging the base of his tail, it's too late. It's too late to realise he's been feeling the Wrong Kind of Good as he very nearly lets a needy mewl escape his vocaliser.

He would pull away- he would- but that would be suspicious now, wouldn't it? He'd let it get this far. It would be weird to suddenly jump away. That's the only reason he stays. Really. That's the only reason he lets misfire continue to push his digits into the base of his tail.

He tries his best to keep his hips still. He is Not going to start rutting against his crewmate. If he's good at anything, it's forcing joints to keep still.

It's tempting though. It's very tempting. His panels ping him incessantly to release his array, but he dismisses every alert. He tries to keep his hot little pants quiet as misfire continues to toy with his the base of his tail.

He's determined to be still. He won't be weird about this. He won't be suspicious at all-

But it turns out maybe he does too good a job at being uninteresting. He hears something crash down the hallway and misfire is immediately on his pedes, wings perking up in interest, and running towards the noise.

"Wait-!"

Fulcrum whines, suddenly alone, plating burning and array aching. At least that solves one of his problems. Kind of.

this one has been around for like a month and i honestly have 0 idea what to do about this one. All I can say is that i admire horny cat boy Fulcrum and an oblivious idiot Misfire.

Now that I'm here, actually, I wonder if Fulcrum has spines on his spike. There is no practical reason for it, but since he's already a cat boy, we can dream...

[kiwiana-writes]

Hi MJ! I was so excited to read your new WIP snippet today, thank you for sharing it! I love it, I've missed your brand of humour!

I'm writing this because it made me sad to read that you're afraid of being lost to obscurity. Please know that not only do I adore your fics and name drop you to any of my fandom friends who'll listen to me yap— I have waxed poetic about the rockstar!Alex WIP to so many folks— but also, I think of you and what you're up to often.

Exhibit A: there have been times when I've thought of changing my url here but didn't only because I had submitted a prompt for your subscriber shindig and didn't want you to struggle to find me here in case you ever try to tag me haha! (This is not me trying to make you feel guilty about the subscriber shindig event btw! I just want to point out that I do think of you and that you're not forgotten in the least).

I also love the writer's ask games you play here and try to submit something when I notice it. I didn't know it was a big old case of writer's block keeping you away from writing; I just assumed you must be busy with Life™️. Thank you for sharing how you're feeling though, friend.

Could I do anything to help? Perhaps I'll drop in here occassionally or on ao3 comments whenever I think of you? Would that be a helpful reminder? I'm usually very shy (which is why this is anon!) but your fics have brought me so much joy and excitement in the past year, I'd really like to help you feel less sad. I don't know how to help with writer's block but reminders that you're loved? They're so easy!

💖

This was SUCH a lovely message to wake up to, anon, thank you 🥰

Practical thing first: if you (or anyone reading this) does change your username and you still have a subscriber shindig fic outstanding, just drop me a message so I can update my spreadsheet! Though I should be able to figure it out anyway, because I’m tackling them in order 😅

And I don’t know of many authors who are going to object to a reread comment/lovely tumblr message/etc—or at least I’M certainly not going to complain lmao. That is such a lovely, kind offer! I fucking love interacting with y’all so much and it sparks so much joy—I’m just having a bit of trouble fanning those sparks into an actual creative fire at the moment. If it helps, my original writing is suffering just as much if not more 😂

(Also god, rockstar Alex exes to lovers my BELOVED. One day.)

[v0id000]

Pt2

CW self harm / eating disorders/ suicide reference/ suicidal thoughts

When price finally was able to put ghost to sleep. He went to his bathroom and look for every sharp object he could find, he know this will make ghost furious but it's to protect him and help him. This wasn't the first time he did this but still It hurts to intrude into Simon's privacy all over again and take away from Simon's trust because of this action.

He definitely need to push or force Simon to his therapist again , he can't watch again how this men let him self crumbel to his bottom again.

When he got the bathroom cleaned and checked if Simon is still sleeping tight he went to the messhall to get some food and a cup of tea , so he could atleast made sure ghost had one meal today.

Gaz made it to a habit to sleep over at soaps room to give him atleast a chance to sleep and comfort him when he woke up at night. He still wasn't sure what plague soap this much , sure he had his theorys but still Didn't get a clear reason from soap. Gaz also always picked up soap from eating times "tav it's time to eat" dragging him to the messhall , soap stopped fighting it just walked behind Gaz without any emotions. The worry of Gaz grew and considering to inform price about soaps mental and physical state but quarrel about this decision, worrying he will betray soaps trust.

One day soap and Gaz train the rookies together. Soap still looked just like a shell of himself, all of soaps characteristics left behind. Soap didn't feel like training the rookies today he just wanted to crawl back in bed. He already felt dizzy when he got woken up in the morning by Gaz to drag him to breakfast , he wasn't hungry so he just try to get down a toast and his coffee. When he went to get ready in the bathroom he felt his toast come up his throat again and rushed to the toilet to throw up , so that was it with his breakfast. The longer he was standing on the field the worse he felt , fighting his dizziness seeing dark spots dacing in his vision. He felt his vision turning when it suddenly turned black.

When he woke up he was in a white room that looked way to steril for his own room. He started to get more conscious about his surroundings and realised he was in the med bay. He started to slowly get up wanting to leave. Not like he really need any medical attention. When he was about to stand up from the bed when Gaz came into the room lowly cursing "come on idiot get on you bed". Pushed him back on the bed "tav what do you think you doing" Gaz asked with worry in his voice. He looked confused "what do you mean I'm just leaving no use being here" he said hearing how scratchy his voice feels, this made him feel worse. He heard the door open again and a doctor walked in " sergeant mactavish do you know how you got here" she asked and raised her eyebrow when she looked at him. He looked down in his hands picking on his skin around his nails feeling like a lillte kid who did something wrong. " I just fainted nothing to worry about" he stammered still looking at his fingers. "Tav you realise that fainting just like that is something you and everyone else should worry about" Gaz said with a string voice putting a hand on his shoulders. The doctor just started " well sergeant mactavish it looks like you have a fast decline of weight and when looking at you face doesn't get a lot of sleep" she looked at him with a serious face " and since we didn't found anything that could physically caused that there must be a different reason, sergeant if you struggling with something there are people you can reach out to and not feel ashamed about it" she put down a paper on the table and turned around. " Tav seriously you need to talk about what is bothering, and there is no shame in taking help" Gaz said with a low voice. " Can I just get back to my room first" soap asked with a shaky voice feeling like he failed being a human again, messing everything up again , not being able to be strings again. When Gaz and soap arrived at soaps room Gaz informed him he is going to get some food and left the room again. Soap layed down in bed again feeling the dizziness coming back again.

Price got back to Simon's room with the tea and a meal when he opened the door he saw that Simon was sitting in bed curled up in his blanket and the men just looked like a little child. He heard sniffles from the mean and looked at his face in detail firstly at this day and he saw little Simon as a kid again being hurt and left again. Not getting the love he need at this time hiding from the monster of His childhood with the where in form of his father. Anger bubble up in price , wanting to punish the person who made Simon feel like this again. He slowly got closer to the bed and put down the food tray on the desk and pushed the tea cup in Simon's hand. "Simon what is going on you not been youself for a few weeks now" he asked in a comforting voice slowly lowering himself on the bed. Simon looked at him with big glassy eyes and sniffed again " I can't do this anymore" he said with a shaky and bitter voice looking down after he said this. Price alarm bells where on code red , it wasn't the first time Simon expressed suicidal thoughts and it also wouldn't be the first time Simon came close to succeeding. " Simon I informed you therapist already and I know you hate going there but you are also aware it helps you" he sign " I'm always there for you son I thought you knew that" price said sadly.

Pt3 is going to fix it I swear

[brainrot28]

Electric Feel [Chapter 2]

chapter 2 of my pipabeth fic on ao3 :)

tw: anxiety attacks [sort of], skin picking

does this count as angst ???

July 4th 

Annabeth has always hated crowds. For as long as she can remember, large groups of people made her nervous. But, today, she was determined to not let her fear get in the way. 

Prior to the bonfire, she stuck to her usual routine, since changes often contributed to her anxiety. The day was going well, almost too well. 

By the time Annabeth and Piper arrived to the fire pit, only a handful of campers were there. The two girls took a seat on their typical log, and were quickly joined by Nico and Will. 

A motor oil covered Leo, accompanied by his younger brother Harley, barreled through the crowds. The pyromaniac brother duo never passed up the opportunity to light camp fires.

Percy and Jason, however, arrived to the fire, covered in mud, after everyone had taken their seats. It appeared the 2 boys had been mud wrestling again. 

Percy and Jason joined the 4 on the log. Despite both of the couples breaking up, they all remained close friends. 

A mud-caked Percy attempted to sit between Annabeth and Piper. Annabeth kicked Percy's ass off the log with no hesitation. 

"What the HADES are you doing Seaweed Brain? Neither of us want to be covered in mud!"

"Nooooo, Wise Girl you don't understand. Mud wrestling is a lifestyle. You are truly missing out. My bro Jason here understands the mud lifestyle. Right, Jason?"

Jason, who was staring at Leo from across the fire-pit, brought his attention back to the log. "What? Oh, yeah, mud wrestling is a lifestyle. Once you try it you can never go back."

"Campers," Chiron's voice boomed, "tonight we shall see if Percy's 36 marshmallow record can be broken! Who is up first?"

Will collapsed on to Nico, "UGGGHHH, why does everyone have to make my job so much more difficult than it needs to be? Who raised these demigods to be feral animals?"

"To be fair," Nico started, "most of these kids weren't raised by anyone." 

"HEY," Percy objected, "Sally Jackson is an amazing mother and I am not a feral animal. If anything, I would prefer 'free spirited fish'."

"Chill out there 'free spirited fish'. I love Sally, but you're literally covered in mud right now," Annabeth added with an eye roll. 

Percy huffed. "Whatever, I'm still going to hold my title as Marshmallow King. I don't want to hear your wrong opinions anymore." 

------

POV: Annabeth 

By this time, the camp fire was in full swing. The flames were high in the sky tonight, fueled by the campers' anticipation of the Hermes/ Hephaestus Cabin 4th of July Fire Work Show. 

Annabeth and Piper had moved from off the log and onto the ground. The 2 sat side by side, with Piper's head on Annabeth's shoulder. Piper's warm body grounded Annabeth; yet, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. 

She attempted to ignore the overwhelming amount of noise and music around her, but to no avail. Her chest felt tight, almost as if she couldn't breathe. 

Piper opened her eyes and lifted her head from Annabeth's shoulder. "Hey, Annie, you ok?" Piper pulled the other girl's hands into her own. "Your fingers are bleeding."

Annabeth hadn't even realized she was picking her nail beds. She's had this nervous habit since she was a child, and just couldn't seem to shake it. "Oh... sorry, I didn't realize I was doing it." Articulating every word felt like a struggle.

"Hey, you have nothing to apologize for. You want me to see if any the Apollo campers have any bandaids? They always have the fun patterned ones," Piper adds with a smile.

"Oh, umm....", Annabeth felt like she was underwater, off in some far away place. Piper ran her fingers over Annabeth's knuckles in a soothing manner. "Sorry.. w-what were you asking?"

"Do you wanna take a walk with me?", Piper asked in a calming voice. Annabeth shook her head yes. 

------

POV: Piper

Piper could sense something was off with her friend. Annabeth made a valiant attempt to stop picking her nails, but often started when she was stressed. It seemed as though Annabeth was zoned out and couldn't think straight, which was very unusual for the daughter of Athena. As Piper put the pieces together, she realized Annabeth might be having an anxiety attack. Sometimes Piper forgot about Annabeth's struggle with mental health. It wasn't that she didn't care. It was just that Annabeth was the strongest person she knew, and Annabeth was scarily talented at hiding her emotions. Piper hadn't witnessed one of her anxiety attacks in months. 

Piper stood up, taking Annabeth with her, and led them to the empty Aphrodite Cabin. Once the door was shut, Piper focused on making Annabeth feel as safe as possible. 

"Hey, Annie, I know talking is hard right now, so just shake your head yes or no, okay? Touch or no touch?" 

Annabeth shook her head no and pulled her hands from Piper's. It hurt Piper to know that Annabeth wasn't comfortable with holding hands at the moment, but did it anyway. Piper never wanted to make Annabeth feel like she couldn't be herself or express her needs and desires. 

"Do you want me to talk or to be quiet?", Piper asked. Annabeth held up one finger to indicate she wanted Piper to keep talking. Along with her quickening breaths, Annabeth writhed her hands out in front of her in attempts to keep the rest of her still, but it looked like she was in pain. 

"You're safe. Everything is going to be ok, I promise. I won't let anything happen to you," Piper was careful not to add too much charmspeak, but just enough to help calm her friend down. "You don't need to be still. You can move around if that'll help you."

Annabeth visibly signed in relief. She was always careful not to fidget too much, because people often looked at her oddly when she did. She began pacing the length of the dark cabin and swinging her arms back and forth. 

Piper kept her distance to give the other girl the space she needed at the moment, but grew nervous when Annabeth began to tug at the roots of her braids. "Hey, Annie, you shouldn't do that, you're going to hurt yourself. Take a deep breath. In... and out... Good. Breathe in..... and out. You're going to get through this. You're doing such a good job."

Piper grabbed her weighted, stuffed dinosaur, Bernardo, from her bunk. She slowly walked towards Annabeth and held the plush out to her, which she willingly accepted. "Keep taking deep breaths. You're going to get through this, you're not alone. You are safe, I promise."

After about 10 minutes, it seemed Annabeth wore herself out. She approached Piper with hesitation. Piper thought Annabeth wanted a hug, but she didn't want to overwhelm her if she wasn't ready yet. "Do you want a hug?", Piper asked, to which the other girl shook her head yes. 

Piper opened her arms and Annabeth melted into them. Annabeth began to cry. "I'm s-sorry," she said. Words were definitely still hard for her.

"Shhh, it's ok. you have nothing to apologize for." Piper rocked them back and forth, gently, just the way Annabeth liked it. "I'm your friend. Helping you is not a burden, ok? I love you and you never have to be ashamed of this." 

Piper slowly guided them to her bunk and sat down on it, all while keeping her grip on Annabeth. The two nuzzled together with the array of plushies and blankets on Piper's bed. Annabeth laid her head on Piper's chest as her tears slowed. 

"You can go to sleep," Piper mumbled into the top of Annabeth's head. "I know you're tired. I'll stay right here. I've got you."

Annabeth sighed and sunk deeper into Piper's body. She didn't want to move Annabeth into Cabin 6 later, so she texted Annabeth's brother, Malcom, to let him know that Annabeth would be staying in the Aphrodite Cabin tonight. She also texted Drew, asking the rest of her siblings to be quiet when they came back from the camp fire. 

"Goodnight Annie. Love you."

[anamericangirl]

GENDERING TEDDY

The Babylonians developed the first written numerical system

Back in 3400 BC

Their system was base 60, which we still use today for telling time

But, um, for everything else we ditched that in favor of

The base 10 system

Which the Egyptians came up with

A few hundred years later

And this was rounded out by a notation for zero

Courtesy of the Mayans a couple hundred years after that

Giving us the numbers zero through nine

Upon which is built our entire mathematical architecture

Now

Before this it's not like humans didn't have a concept of numbers

Any more than we didn't have a concept of time

Before clocks were invented

We've understood natural numbers just fine

Since before recorded history

It's easy to understand after all that if you have one chicken

And your neighbor has two

That they have more chickens than you do

And it's just as easy to show someone that one plus two equals three

Because we can see our chicken

We can see their two chickens

And then, as if by magic-

Oh no!

Now we now have three blood stained chickens

This is simple and observable mathematics

We didn't need language to make sense of this

Beyond this, though

Things get abstract and theoretical really fucking fast

And I'm not even talking astrophysics here

Just getting into numbers larger than 60 or 100

Poses serious problems in a world

Where you don't often have 60 or 100 of anything

And inevitably somewhere adrift in the abyss of history

Is the first human who faced the challenge of trying to

Describe the concept of one million to a poor friend

Who was, understandably

Less interested in a number with no practical application

Than they were in society's state of the art advances in

Avoiding being eaten by fucking lions

But in this one person's brain was an idea

Of a number bigger than anyone had counted

Something that they knew was real

That they knew was out there

But which they couldn't hold up and show anyone

Which they couldn't even clearly explain

Because the language had not been developed yet

And if, as has been theorized, our species' intelligence

Is intimately tied to our capacity for language

Then an abstract concept without a word attached to it

Well, it might as well not even exist

When I was born

I was given a teddybear

That I called Teddy, because some days you just phone it in

And I took Teddy with me everywhere

And one day, when I was around four

My mum and I were getting ready to go out

And mum asked, "Where's Teddy."

And I said, "Upstairs."

And Mum said, "Well, go and get him then, we're leaving."

And I remember feeling jarred by this

It was an unfamiliar, visceral feeling

Powerful enough for me to still be processing it

Way, way in the background, thirty years later

I said, "Teddy's not a him."

And mum said, "Oh. Her then."

And I said, "No, that's still not right."

"Teddy's not a her either, " I said

Struggling to find a word for what I knew Teddy was

A word that I felt must exist

Because on a purely conceptual level I could imagine it

And because my experience thus far had been

To point at something and ask what it is

And to be told

Oh, that's a table, that's a chair

That's a deactivated exploder for a mark ten torpedo

And I just assumed, naturally

That in my four long years on the planet

I had yet to come across the word for when something doesn't quite fit

Into the girl box

Or the boy box

But ha- what did I know?

Now, I know

Teddy was

(Is, actually, I still have them

They are sitting in the next room as I record this)

Teddy is just clumps of fluff stuffed into a furry bag

There isn't any objective truth to be found

As to whether Teddy is a girl or a boy

Or something else

But that's not the point

The point is

That this is one of my earliest memories

This, not skinning my knee or losing my mum in the supermarket

Is what has stuck with me

When I was four years old

Before I had any exposure to anyone beyond the gender binary

In real life or in books or on the TV

Before I even had a concept of what it might mean

Socially and politically

Gendering Teddy felt like it went against something tangible

That apparently only I could see

This is why I have so little patience for people who smirk and say

That we don't need new words to describe gender

The reason that these people

Constantly belittle and undermine the words

That trans and non-binary people use

To describe themselves and the world around them

Is not because the words are meaningless

It's because these people know fine well that words are powerful

And dangerous

And they know that their last hope of stalling progress

Is preventing people from having access to language that

Validates and vindicates their experience

Not to mention the frankly fucking ludicrous idea

That new words somehow erase their identity

Rather than give them a deeper sense of understanding of it

And the notion that

It is somehow unnatural to invent new words for things

As if that hasn't been one of the leading preoccupations of humanity

For the past 6000 years at least

We are trying to do something

That cannot be accomplished without a new language

Without it, the concepts that make up vital parts of our identities

Are formless and amorphous

Without it

It becomes impossible to build support networks and communities

Or to be taken seriously when your rights are being violated

Or to tell the people you love who you actually are

Or to even recognize yourself in the fucking mirror

And that lonely, early human

Who struggled to explain the concept of a million

If they could, maybe they would have said

You know what, you're right

We don't need a formal numerical system

To know that one plus two equals three

But we will need one

To build a worldwide communication network

To point telescopes into the darkest parts of space

To plunge with no regard for our own safety

Into the deepest parts of the sea

Maybe some of you think it is unnecessary

Even dangerous to be coming up with new words like this

And in the process validating things that you don't believe in

Things that you can't see

But for me, I can't see it as anything except progress

New words are new tools

Which can be used to build a marginally better world right now

And maybe

Many thousands of years in the future

These new tools that we drop and break and wield clumsily

Will be used in ways that we can't even conceive of today

To build miraculous, unimaginable structures

With our distant descendants

Standing atop them

Being the people that we always wanted to be

That's nice invent all the new words you want but making up words doesn't magically bring other genders into existence. Gender is a scientific, biological, observable reality. It's not a feeling. So making up words to describe feelings and ideas doesn't change genetics. Gender isn't infinite like numbers are, it's a binary. And trying to prove that it's not by using what your mind was like as a four year old who doesn't know anything isn't exactly helping your case.

[eva-marie-guentner-unity]

"The Robin red gloves "

The short story is about a man who finds a book. I don't want to say anything more. Make yourself comfortable and let the mood take effect on you. I'm sure I can surprise you

"It was a cool autumn day; the wind gently rustled through the brightly colored leaves, which looked especially vibrant in the light of the setting sun. I walked along an alley, with the music from my headphones playing Loudly in my ears, as my thoughts drowned out the notes of the music. I zipped up my softshell jacket further as the temperature dropped.

The further I walked down the path, the more I lost myself in my thoughts until I couldn't even perceive the music anymore. In my peripheral vision, I could see the play of colors in the sky as the sun was nearly setting. I paused briefly to give it one last look before it dipped beneath the horizon, leaving only the last rays of the sunset illuminating the sky in shades of red and orange.

I was about to continue my journey when my foot struck an object. Instinctively, I glanced down and saw a brown leather-bound book lying in the damp leaves to the right of my foot. Uncertain, I scanned the path for any person who might have lost it, but there was no one in sight except for me. After a moment of contemplation, I decided to pick it up, removing the leaves clinging to it. I wasn't sure what to do next, but I chose to take it with me.

I was jolted out of my thoughts, realizing how loud the music actually was. I resumed my walk, and by now, it was dusk, with the last rays of the sun gone, and the roadside lanterns already lit. I put my hands in my jacket pockets and continued until I finally reached my front door. I unlocked the door, and the warm air from my apartment greeted me. Relieved to have arrived home, I tossed my bag onto the chair by the entrance, kicked off my shoes, and headed straight for my couch. However, I heard a muffled sound behind me, causing me to startle. I turned around and saw the book on the floor; it had fallen out of my bag.

I had completely forgotten about the book. I picked it up and set it on my desk by the window, switching on the desk lamp. I gazed at the book for a while before finally opening it in the middle and thumbing through the pages to determine what kind of book it was. As I suspected, it was a handwritten book. I turned to the first page, and that was the first time I read her name.

I began to read and became so engrossed that I didn't notice my phone ringing several times. She had captivated me, and I couldn't stop reading about her. Word by word, sentence by sentence, page by page, I learned more about her. There were 100 entries about her and her life, and the more I discovered, the more familiar she became to me. Before I even realized it, I was falling deeper in love with her, every flaw and every detail she had documented. I lost myself in her words, laughing, feeling sadness, and even anger at times. I saw many things in a way similar to hers, and in some aspects, I recognized myself in her. I desperately wanted to get to know this person.

Until... until I read the last sentence of the last entry, and my blood ran cold. "I always wanted to be a part of you, but God, you always rejected me. Now, I'm leaving this world. No matter how hard I tried to live in this world, you wanted to see me fail. Now, I'm coming to you." My breath caught, and I could already sense her dissatisfaction and loneliness, her struggles and problems. But what surprised me was that I didn't know her nearly as well as I thought. Only now, more than ever, I wanted to know her. I looked at the date; this entry was from today. I was frozen with fear as I glanced at the clock; it was 4 o'clock in the morning. In a panicked rush, I jumped up from my chair. I didn't know what to do, where to go, but I knew I had to find her. I put the book in my bag, grabbed my jacket from the stand, and stumbled out the door.

A thousand thoughts raced through my mind, and I had no idea what to do or where to go. Yet, I felt an instinct pulling me to the place where I had found the book. As I sprinted, a voice echoed in my head, "I know you, I know you, but where could you be?" Midway, it hit me like a lightning bolt, and I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks. I remembered a passage in the book. Thirty minutes from here, there was a bridge, and on the other side, a forest path that eventually led to a lake. That was her favorite spot. Determined like never before, I started running again.

I was never athletic, but filled with adrenaline, I pressed on. The cold air penetrated my open jacket, and the ground was covered in mist. I felt my heart pounding, and I panted as I recognized the bridge through the mist. I prayed that it wasn't too late; several hours had passed since I found the book, and dawn was breaking. I walked swiftly through the autumn forest, the leaves rustling beneath my feet. The colors were glorious in the morning dew, and the lake was so serene that it reflected the trees like a mirror. A deep and ancient sadness overcame me.

I wanted to call out to her, but I knew it was futile. By now, it was 7 in the morning, the sun had risen above the trees, and the colorful leaves sparkled beautifully in the morning dew. The lake was so calm that it mirrored the trees like a looking glass. I knelt down, picked up a robin-red glove that marred the natural panorama, and placed it in my jacket pocket. I paused and took in the scene, feeling a profound and primal sadness. I wanted to cry, but a single tear ran down my cheek instead. I had never thought I could feel so connected to someone I didn't even know.

Eventually, I remembered my surroundings, and I stood up. My head was filled with every sentence she had written, and a single tear rolled down my cheek. I hadn't realized how much time had passed. I continued on my way home, and as I walked through the housing development, I saw the houses adorned with pumpkins and plastic skeletons. Halloween was approaching, and it was nearly October 31st. I rummaged in my bag for my keys and approached my front door, only to realize that they weren't where I had left them.

I knelt down in front of the door, emptying my bag onto the ground, thinking that I might have dropped them in the rush when I left the apartment. Among the items, I found the book. A wave of sadness washed over me again, and I grew quiet. Just as I was about to resume my search, something touched me from behind. "Excuse me, is this yours?" I turned around, and a beautiful woman with a warm smile held out my keys to me. I stood up slowly, looked into her eyes, and found myself speechless. I smiled back at her, noticing that she was wearing a robin-red glove."

Written by Eva Marie

I hope you were able to enjoy the story and feel the atmosphere that I wanted to create with the story

If you have any comments, you are welcome to share your opinion. I look forward to every comment. If you would like to read more stories like this, write it in the comments:)

[aksannyi]

tw: death of a family member

ok so my mom texted me today, i'm in my 7th period block, students are working, i check my phone and the message is basically that my grandfather is dying. (my last living grandparent, not that it's super relevant but maybe it is? idk?) he's going into hospice, they're gonna make him comfortable. no idea how long.

my immediate thought is, shit, i gotta fly up there, can i afford it, etc. these are the thoughts i had at 1pm when my students were all doing their thing, i was also trying to keep them working and not show them anything was amiss bc it isn't their business unless i share it and also if any one of them gave me even a shred of sympathy i would have lost it and i don't want to do that, i will cry on my own tyvm lol

anyway. i look at flights, reasonable for flight + car. reasonable-ish. and i texted the ...w/e the hell he is bc someone would have to stay with the dog since he works 24h shifts

had an appointment today, did some errands. whatever. then i'm sitting here at home, listening to some music, just sitting there and thinking and thinking and thinking:

i don't want to go.

and it sounds selfish, and it feels selfish, and it feels shitty.

and anyway there's history here. so my first grandparent to go was my mom's mom in 1993. shittiest saturday morning ever. my 2nd grandmother died in 2017, right after hurricane irma, and my dad flew me up to say goodbye. i was at her deathbed with family members, it was hard, also my family was being racist (which is totally irrelevant but it still pisses me off how they got mad at me cussing but it's cool for them to just fucking say the n-word) (assholes)

then last summer, 2022, my dad texted me that my grandfather (his dad, obvs) was dying and he had like 24hrs. not enough time for me to have gotten up there to see him, so dad told me to call and then put me on speaker phone and i said my goodbyes to him that way. i'm crying thinking of it now, hardest fucking phone call i ever made.

and then i got fucking covid so i couldn't even go to the funeral, and my mom. this person. she makes a guilt-trip post on fb because both of my brothers could make it and i couldn't, and she's convinced she will never see all 3 of us together again (and she never ever lets us forget it) because two of us live at literal opposite ends of the country - PNW and florida, and the one who lives up there is in the northeastern part of the country so it's like almost as far away as you can possibly triangulate 3 people in the continental US. and it was like wow mom fuck you, like i wouldn't have come up if i didn't have LITERAL FUCKING COVID, no i was not going to drive 1200 miles or infect an entire fucking airport, i'm not an asshole. and also i just felt like pure crap, tbh. like physically.

anyway.

i'm struggling. i know that he wants to see me. he called me, when i sent the blanket (which some of you might remember, (this post: https://www.tumblr.com/aksannyi/722322909005299712/aksannyi-my-grandma-passed-in-1993-october-to?source=share) and he said how much he misses me and wants to see me because he knew then that his time was running short. it's very hard for me to get up there, and i generally just don't like it up there due to a number of factors (completely unrelated to him, but definitely related to other family members, like my mom and a psychotic aunt and several shitty uncles) and just the damn drama of everything that goes on up there that i moved away from for a damn reason.

and i'm like. i should go. i know objectively i should go. i should go because it's the least i could do for him, the one thing i can actually do that would make him happy. like fuck my mom, fuck my brothers, fuck my aunts/uncles and the entire goddamn stupid small town i'm from, just to see him. but the problem is that i wouldn't just be seeing him, and i don't want to Deal With Them. all of them. collectively.

(and also i don't wanna see him like that... when i went to see grandma, she had been on the decline for years. she wasn't fully coherent, didn't always recognize me. every time i went up there while she was still alive i assumed it'd be the last time i'd see her)

(my dad's dad, on the other hand, knew me right up to the end. he'd be absolutely thrilled to see me. every time. but he was also in his upper 90s and so i also had made peace with the fact that he wasn't gonna be around that much longer)

and like it isn't like i didn't know this was coming, like i'm not stupid, obviously. he's had a lot of health issues, mom would text us about his doctors diagnoses and shit so we knew it was coming. he's 86 now. it was inevitable. and that's like. ok. i have made peace with that. but i'm struggling now with this incredible guilt because i don't want to go.

i can afford it. it'll be tight but i can manage it. i can do a whirlwind weekend trip. i'll be tired as shit for work next week but whatever, wouldn't be the first time. but i just. i don't want to. and that's what's fucking me up, it's that i don't want to and i feel like shit about it. because i know i should. and do i suck all that shit up and just Deal With It dot com...??? i do, don't i. i need to. fuck me, this sucks ass.

well if you read all of this and you have any advice or anything i guess feel free, i just needed to kinda get this out and deal with it. i know either way i'll be fine, but like do i really wanna deal with my mother fucking guilt tripping me for the rest of her life (and probably mine bc she'll fucking haunt me when she goes istg) ugh. ugh ugh ugh ugh uGH. ugh.

ok fine whatever time to look at flights (it is too far to drive unless i take time off work and ngl i will need my sick days, for like actual sick days.)

[cherokeegal1975]

Today is the last day I'm reposting this video. I get it. It's not that great. I knew it had problems, which is why it's posted on YouTube and not on Audible like I originally intended.

When and if I can get the money, I'll hire an editor first, then a reader next. Neither are cheap, so it'll take me a very long time before I can get that project done. I'm struggling to find work. It's really depressing.

So, after over three thousand views, only six likes and people only clicking on my audiobook and only listening to the first half hour and then likely never coming back, I get the message loud and clear. You hate it. Okay, fine. I was just bored and needed something to do. So, after this, no more reposts. I'll let it die.

Even though I know it'll never happen, I still think if Netflix produced this book as a miniseries, it'll work. I'll continue to believe in it even if no one else will.

I'll give you one spoiler, you find out that my main character's pregnant in chapter five. Is that the problem? You don't like listing to the backstory of my main characters for two chapters? This is meant to be a full story, not some fetish fuel crap. If you want that, go to DeviantART. Guarantee you, most of it is awful...and mind numbingly stupid too.

I also believe in my works because I know when something's good. I have produced two art journals in the past and declare them not worth spending your money on. They were good learning experiences. It's not that the artwork in them is bad, it's that I didn't know what they'd look like in print and made a lot of mistakes. Including some drawings that I later regretted placing in my for sale art journal because it would've been best not to have them shown to the public. Nothing bad technically, but I generally try to keep my graphic artwork G-rated for the public so if someone standing next to me looks over my shoulder, I'll have no reason to be embarrassed. I'm applying the same principle to anything I post online. I only leave the journals available for sale because I worked on them. That's it.

So, no, I won't say something's good if I didn't believe in it, even if it's my own work I'm talking about. In fact, I'll be the first to strongly criticize it if I feel that I did a poor job. I see the flaws...some of them anyway. I could try to fix them myself, but I want a more objective point of view in the editing of my novels. So, I got this hands-off policy until I can afford some professional help for them. And also, if I didn't think my work had really good potential after it was edited, I'd never bother to try to share it with the public at all. I've written a story like that that I never finished. Later deleted it. It was great practice, but total crap and I knew it.

If you can find the time to listen to my book, I'd love an honest critique. I know it's not perfect...and I don't have any illusions that it's highly unlikely that anyone will write anything. Got a couple of people who wrote back, but they tend to be years between comments and barely say much of anything of what they think. Anything is appreciated though.

Then again, I bet no one will bother to read this.

[thereluctanthousewife]

Side Quest Junkie

When I close my eyes and try to look back on my life, I'm ashamed to see nothing.

I used to be a prolific journal writer in my youth, religiously writing my thoughts down on paper. But the box of my belongings - relics from my childhood - lost its battle against termites. Not having a tendency to collect things, what few items I had were gone. I was upset - but as with everything else in my life, I forced myself to stop thinking about it. Crying over spilled milk doesn't do anybody any good. It's no use struggling against the inevitable. Especially something I had no control over.

For the past decade, I've been a trailing spouse. Pulled by forces of circumstance to go where my husband's career has taken us. For the most part, it has been a wild ride and an enjoyable journey. Barring the frustrations which come with relocation and adjustment to a new culture, I wouldn't trade my life for anything.

But now that I've turned 40, I'm filled with dissatisfaction.

Supporting someone in their own path to success reinforces the realization that I have none of my own.

I've peppered my life with experiences that I thought would complement it. I always tried my best to see each opportunity as learning experiences - whether they were voluntary ones (meaning, unpaid) or not. Yet, I have no accolades and no colleagues to show for it.

In the back of my mind, I still know that my children come first. They are my priority, and having them has given my life a whole new meaning.

But I also understand that to fill their cups, I need to have my own filled first - to the brim. Otherwise, I'd have nothing to give them. I'd be shaking an empty pitcher. And no matter how hard I do that, nothing will come out.

Looking back, I feel like my life is a never-ending side quest. I'm able to find fulfillment in these little journeys that don't add up to a straight line.

Conducting Hartbeeps workshops, writing for agencies, editing 80k books in a few days, working with a team fulltime, organizing events, hosting, volunteering... Managing social media accounts, writing stories, crocheting... meeting new people... chatting with strangers...

A hodgepodge of learning and experience that don't amount to much when you see it on paper.

But my regrets are not because I did any of them. Nor are they because I'm helping someone chase their dreams instead of my own.

No. the regret is not enjoying them when they were there.

I could have made so much more of what I had.

I'd have savored the food more, explored more, indulged myself more.

I would have sat at the beach and listened to the waves, ridden rides with no fear of tomorrow, basked in the noise of my family... gone out more, met more people, made more friends....

But I didn't.

I may have gone through many side quests, but I didn't take the time to enjoy them. I should have been more purposeful, more intense. I should have dived headfirst instead of swimming in the shallows.

My side quests aren't done. I still have many more stages before I meet the Final Boss, but I also feel like I've lost sight of the main goal, too. I've broken one of the main rules of gaming. Go on side quests but don't forget your primary objective.

In the past, I always looked forward. I took my today for granted. And now that tomorrow is here, I can't help but look back. Maybe it's why I'm stumbling so much today. I've taken a meandering path to get to where I am.

And I'm lost in the dark, in the middle of a seeming endless tunnel, with no light in sight.

[purplesurveys]

1809

Are you any good at packing a suitcase?:  Based from the time I packed for Thailand last year, I'd say I'm pretty good haha. But I feel like it's also because I'm pretty light when it comes to the things I need? I only need clothes, my laptop, and my chargers so it's never really caused a problem as far as me trying to make everything fit and not having the zippers struggle lol.

What are you hungry for right now, if anything?: Freedom, validation, and a new chapter.

Have you ever had a white hot chocolate? What did you think?: No but funny this is asked because I literally ordered a 'white mocha' for the first time earlier today when I stopped by a coffee shop. It ended up being okay but I still prefer caramel macchiato, hehe.

What will you be doing in twenty minutes from now? Probably taking another one of these. Feels like one of those nights where I'm feeling a lot of things and just need to cope by writing everything down.

Is there anybody in your house’s bathroom right now?: As far as I know, no. Mom's making dinner and my sister's in the living room watching TV.

Do you ever get eczema: Nope.

What’s your opinion on Miley Cyrus’ new look?: Which look are we talking about? Lol in any case I'm a fan of Miley in general. I love love love how unapologetically confident she is and I'm just rooting for her to be happy. I was really excited seeing her win her first Grammy this past week :)

Have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight?: Yeah like four years ago there was this drunken brawl that broke out at BGC and it turned awful pretty quickly that local police had to get involved. It was hilarious to watch.

How much does gas cost in your area?: Definitely not as high as it used to be, which is a relief. I don't know how much exactly but at least I've stopped needing to shell out anywhere above 500 for a few bars.

Are you a fidgety sort of person?: Not really but I've noticed that I've picked up a slight involuntary twitch whenever I'm in work calls. It bothers me a little bit.

What was the last thing you ordered at a restaurant?: I had a spamsilog (without the -log part because the cafe had been out of eggs lol) and the aforementioned iced white mocha.

Do you know how the politics of your country work?: Objectively, just very vaguely. But I know enough to recognize corruption.

How do you like to spend your alone time?: People-watching at a coffee shop. I did it again today, for the first time in a long long while and UGH I just feel so recharged. I love being on my own in cute and quaint little coffee shops so much.

Have you ever mowed a lawn?: I have not.

Is there anyone you would do literally anything for?: No.

On average, how many hours a day do you spend online?: Idk, all day? It's not so much a matter of addiction – it's more like, I kind of need to be online all the time because that's just how the world works now. Like I can choose to ignore my notifs but if I have a quick question about something then I immediately need to go online to Google it.

Have you ever done a “knock-and-run” prank?: Nope.

When was the last time you were yelled at? What had you done wrong?: Fortunately I don't experience getting yelled at a whole lot.

Do you enjoy corn on the cob?: It's fine but it's never something I crave.

Is there anything good on television at this very moment? Does Gyeongsong Creature count? The most recent season came out a month ago though and Season 3 isn't happening til a year or two from now.

What’s your mood like today?: Relaxed and recharged and calm and peaceful and grateful.

Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes for someone underage?: No, I wouldn't ever do that.

If you haven’t, would you ever do so?: Nope.

Under what circumstances do you think it would be okay?: I have no idea.

Do you do your laundry regularly, or do you let it pile up?: Once a week, so I'd say it's regularly.

Did you ever play Habbo Hotel when you were younger?: I didn't, but I remember the ads – which is also why I never played it. The internet ads of the 2000s always looked like spam so I never bit into it, as attractive as the graphics looked haha.

What about Neopets?: I had it on my phone! But I only ever played an offline Neopets game. Mobile internet was pretty much nonexistent at the time so I never bothered doing online stuff with Neopets.

Have you ever had the privilege of sleeping in a waterbed?: Yeah my cousin's family owned one before. I remember being so amazed (and jealous) at how comfy it was.

Have you ever had to comfort a friend over the death of a loved one?: Kind of. I was on standby for Angela when her grandma passed away a few years ago just in case she needed me. For things like this, I typically keep my distance to allow the other person to grieve, but I keep a look out in case they need someone to talk to.

When did you last watch fireworks? Did you kiss someone underneath?: New Year's. No, I didn't. Just me and my 10+ glasses of wine that night lol.

In your opinion, what’s the ideal age to start having children?: Just for me personally, any time in the mid-20s range is ideal, but there shouldn't be any textbook answer for this. Just have kids when your timing is right for you.

Have you ever stabbed a friend in the back, intentionally or not?: NOPE. I experienced this thrice, never wanted to pass the shitty feeling off to a friend.

Do you have a last.fm account? If so, what’s your opinion of it?: I did at some point, but it was such a long time ago that I don't even remember what that website was about anymore.

Are you a seafood person?: Absolutely. I prefer seafood over meat for the most part.

Have you ever had to lick a ton of postage stamps and envelopes?: Never experienced that.

What’s the longest you’ve ever slept in one go?: I'm not sure. Might be somewhere between 12-14 hours.

Do you check the weather forecast everyday?: No. It's always going to be hot anyway.

How far away does your best friend live?: Around 20 minutes on a good day. 45 minutes if there's traffic.

What did you have for breakfast this morning?: Just coffee, as is usual.

Have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? Kind of. Her English was very Western-sounding; she sounded pretty much like an American.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever smelled?: Rotten rice or eggs.

How long does your phone last before needing to be charged?: Around 4-6 hours, depending on how much data I'm using.

Have you ever worked two jobs at once?: Nope.

Who does most of the housework around your house?: My mom.

How many glasses of water do you drink a day?: Maybe a total of around 2-3 glasses? Definitely not enough.

Documentaries: interesting or boring?: Can be either. It depends on what it's about because there are some topics that I'll really find boring, like if it's a docu about war strategies or guns or cars lol.

What brand is your desktop or laptop?: Apple.

Have you ever spoken badly about someone then realized they were behind you: As far as I know, no.

Do you enjoy the smell and taste of cinnamon?: Sure.

If you use Snapchat, have you ever had a screenshot taken of you?: I don't think so.

Who were you last in a car with and where were you going?: Just myself. I was on my way home after having come from a nearby café.

How old is your youngest cousin?:  From my first cousins, 11.

When was the last time you ate tacos?: I think a few months ago.

Does caffeine affect you, or not so much?: It improves my focus, so I always need it when I work.

Who was the last person you annoyed?: My mom.

What is your favorite flavor of cake?: Chocolate or red velvet.

Do you make your bed everyday?: Yup.

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Matthias Helvar x fem! Healer! Reader - Mine

A/n: I don't think I've finished a request fast... Looks longingly at all the other drafts that are requests. Fuck.

Warnings: Kind of sexual at some points, injuries, mentions of death, I think that's it? You have been warned!

Request: Can I please request an soft, romantic oneshot of female!healer!reader and Matthias Helvar falling in love with each other, please? thank you so much!!

I do not own six of crows or shadow and bone or its characters! I also do not own this gif!

Matthias had first meant her lying in bed.

He had been hurt and everyone was internally freaking out because the Fjerdan never showed any pain yet here he was lying on his death bed the screams of pain coming from his lips every now and then.

Blackness was looming over him, there was no light he couldn't feel Djel like he should have. Maybe his sins had lined up too high, or maybe Djel had abandoned him like Nina had. He didn't know what was going to happen, all he knew was that death was almost certain at this point, he could hear the wolves howling in the distance. They were coming for him - he was sure of it.

Something he didn't understand happened though. He was in the dark taking his last few breaths then a blinding light that must have been sent from Djel himself came barreling through the door kneeling right in front of him.

"Not today." The woman muttered as she hovers her hands over the top of his injury.

"I still need to get paid, so if you could you know - stay alive for me here that would be great." She grits her teeth together and suddenly the world is just light.

The only thing he can see through the blinding of the whiteness is her and her eyes telling - begging him to hold on for a little longer.

So he does.

Gasping for breath Matthias realizes there's no pain in his chest anymore, there's no blackness yet there's no overwhelming white either. There's only a soft glow at the end of his bed belonging to the woman he recognizes as the person who saved him.

"What happened?" He mumbles and his voice comes out groggy and part of him is ashamed that that's what he says when there's a beautiful woman sitting on the edge of his bed tending to his wounds. The other part of him wonders how he can be so bashful over a girl he's barely meant.

"You broke all your ribs so your chest was starting to disconnect when you were breathing. You're lucky I got there on time or else you would have been dead. You passed out after I healed you."

The healer doesn't move off his bed but closer actually and she moves so close she's levelheaded with him as Matthias sits up.

She brush's a piece of his blond hair away from his face and cups his cheek for a second and for a felting moment he's sure she was going to kiss him. But she pulls away before they can get any close and he's half glad because he was sure she could've probably heard how his breathing had how it speed up.

"Matthias." Finally he breaths out looking at the temptress with wide eyes.

The girl smiles and he stupidly puts up his head to be shaken but instead of taking it or laughing at him, she kisses him on the lips.

It's not for very long, it's very brief actually, and this is all crazy because he had just meant her (he doesn't even know her name!) Yet he can't get her eyes out of his head or the feeling of her lips against his and how he eagerly kissed her back.

She pulls away really fast but he still has time to commit everything to memory before she stands up leaving the doorway but stopping midway.

"Y/n, my name is Y/n."

He knew her name.

___________________

Nothing happened entirely after that, Matthias and Y/n grew close and became quick friends.

Friends who sometimes kiss. The former Druskelle was pretty sure that friends didn't kiss, even in Kerch.

"Matthias I swear to your tree god if you don't put me down I'm going to rip you to shreds!" Y/n screams at him as he carries her trying to get the Slat on time before she dies.

"You are hurt." He says simply in retaliation, as the girl fumes and struggles to get out of his arms.

"I'm a healer!"

Matthias just rolls his eyes and bursts through the Slat doors with an injured and a very frustrated Y/n.

"You can't heal yourself completely Y/n I'm not stupid." He whispers down into her ear as he takes them up the stairs going in (unintentionally) his room.

She hurriedly gets out of his arms face red from embarrassment and starts working on her wound. They both stay there in silence for a bit before he starts to get bandages and ointments to help her heal the rest.

He hands them over to her and she staches them out of his arms not even looking at him. She doesn't say anything either as she winces when she places the ointment on what's left of the wound. She warps it up and the silence is still on like a broken switch that can't go back down. Wolves that are hurt but can't howl in fear of their abuser.

"How did you figure it out?" She whispers quietly as she finishes warping up her wound. It's barely audible but he hears it because he always notices when she says something. Matthias doesn't know if he's ever been so aware of someone before.

Because she is so much more than just a friend to him.

"In Fjerda we were trained to see the signs when a Grisha hadn't been trained at the little palace." He pauses for a second, wincing internally because it was easier to kill Grisha who weren't as well trained.

"Oh." She says looking down trying to hide her eyes from him.

"That doesn't mean I think any less of you though, you... Your power is strong most Grisha wouldn't be able to heal people entirely in seconds if they hadn't trained at the little palace."

She finally lifts her head up to meet his eyes and he swears she's a heartrender because he can't breathe.

But before he can even look for a second longer she's at the doorway opening the door to leave him. Again.

"Is that it? Is that all that you think of me?" She demands him to answer her with the tone that she's using, yet it doesn't remind him of Brum or any of that. It only reminds him of her.

*Flashback*

She shifted her body to face his and he shamefully looks away from the woman before him. Who was of course only wearing her undergarments?

"Kaz needs this for a job."

His head snaps back to look at her with fire in his eyes as her hands trail up and down his arms. He holds back a shiver and looks down at the serpent. He was her prey and she's ready to strike because he so memorized with her. Se must have bitten him with her poison because he wasn't backing down.

Fury fuels his veins at the thought of anyone touching her in that way. Probably he wouldn't get through the mission if he had to see it.

She places her hand around his neck and he's trying hard not to look at it because it wasn't proper but she was beautiful.

"Don't you have a job to get to?" He murmurs as he tries and to hold back his stare.

Her laughs rings out around them and her soft glow is back for a split second before it's gone in a snap.

Her other goes around to his back and she leans into his ear.

"Hold my waist." Her voice is commanding and he was addicted to her poison that made him do whatever she desired. And who could deny a strong woman that used that tone?

So he does and then she kisses him.

This isn't like their first time but it isn't their second time either. He has become accustomed to the way her lips felt against his own, yet he didn't ever want her to stop because every time it just got better.

She bites down on his lips before trailing her own down to his neck.

His breath comes out in pants as she trails further and further down till she's found his sweet spot.

"Vixen." He gasps as she bites down hard on his sweet spot before she gives him one gentle kiss before pulling away.

"I have a job to get to Helvar."

Then she's gone.

*Flashback over*

"No." He calls out to her.

"That's definitely not what I think of you."

This time he wraps his arms around her waist before leaning down to kiss her.

And this time it's him who kisses her and their lips shift together and move in sync before he pulls away. Both of them were breathless.

"I think of you as mine."

And she doesn't object to that.

Words 1467

thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover @brekker-zenik @alohastitch0626

(If you want to be tagged just comment shadow and bone taglist!)

[coinandcandle]

Story Time - "Anubis wants to talk to you..."

Someone else's deity shook me to get their attention, story time below.

So... I do not worship or work for/with Anubis. It's not for any reason other than I just don't, you know? He's never reached out to me before and I have never reached out to him. Our paths have never directly crossed and that's totally fine! However, one of the folks I live with, we'll just call them S, has worked closely with Anubis in the past and has identified him as one of their spirit guides.

I love to hear S talk about it because their relationship with Anubis is really different from my relationships with Lugh and The Morrigan.

To get to the story, I was doing tarot reading for myself on Christmas night, it's a tradition of mine to specifically do pagan shit on Christian holidays (it's like a fuck you to my religious trauma, we won't get into that today).

At first everything was normal, Lugh told me to chill out and focus on creative work (again, cuz I keep not listening and falling back into anxious habits). The Morrigan is busy so she didn't pop in, which is totally normal for Deities.

Then I felt a really weird feeling, like something was looking over my shoulder. Not in a bad or scary way...just looking, like it was waiting for a turn.

So I said aloud, "I am open to whatever or whoever is trying to reach me. If it is a god or spirit show me a humanoid figure on my cards, if it's anything else just show me a card that has no humanoid figures."

This is how I usually do it since the deck I was using has a lot of different depictions of both objects and humanoid figures, so it's not hard for my cards to show me what they need to. It works pretty much every time. This is actually how I found out Lugh was reaching out to me the first time!

I shuffle the cards really well, allowing the universe to pick the card it needs to show me.

I pulled the only card in my deck that depicts Anubis. I clammed up immediately, the energy that was looking over my shoulder surrounded me now. Again, not scary, but still pretty unnerving. I asked if it was Anubis, I got a definite yes. I asked if he wanted to talk with me, knowing we had never interacted before, I got a no.

I breathed in and slowly breathed out to allow myself to calm down. I have been dealing with major imposter syndrome recently when it comes to my magic, so I wanted to make damn sure that I was speaking with Anubis.

My cards basically yelled at me that yes, Anubis was talking and that he needed to talk to S.

I was really confused at this point, why was he coming to me to talk to S??? I asked a lot of questions and I felt like Anubis may be getting impatient with me, like there was a time limit for him that I wasn't aware of. He said that I can't tell S anything about the questions or answers that I got during this reading and that I need to go tell them now.

So I got up then sat right back down. S is a very anxious person, I said out loud, and they aren't gonna like it if I just say "Hey ya boy wants to speak with you!" and leave. Can I at least tell them that it's nothing bad?

He said yes, so I immediately walked over to S's room and once I entered the looming over my shoulder energy was back.

I told them "Hey I don't like to do this cuz I don't want to be presumptuous but Anubis said he needs to talk to you..."

S looked stunned for a second and then kinda laughed before saying, "Okay, wow." and proceeded to tell me that recently they had also been dealing with the fear that their magic wasn't real, that their spirit guides weren't real and that it was all some fairy tale they believed when they were younger.

The words they used were, "I was planning on closing all of the doors like this weekend, I was going to shut it all down."

Obviously I couldn't help but laugh a bit in disbelief. S, who was struggling with spiritual imposter syndrome, had almost shut out Anubis completely.

Now I never want to assume a deity's thoughts or feelings, or anyone else's for that matter. I can only guess that because S was in the midst of slamming all of their spiritual doors, Anubis came through one of my doors in a last ditch effort to reach out to S.

Which was pretty cool considering I myself was struggling with the fear that none of this was real. Maybe this was also the world's way of telling me to keep going and to keep learning about magic and it's weird and wonderful ways of working itself into every crevice of your life.

On a side note: I thought it was nice that Anubis knew exactly what he wanted to say and didn't want to beat around the bush at all, we love direct communication.

--

Also, you don't have to agree with the practice of working with deities, but please keep it to yourself because I do not care.

:) If they don't want people to talk to them I trust that they tell us.

[chronicallylatetotheparty]

Lucky Charm: Reflekdoll

Summary: Adrien struggles to adapt to his powers as Mister Bug while facing an old villain with a new trick. Will he be able to learn fast enough to save his partner?

----------------------------------

"Reflektas, start turning the rest of Paris into me!"

Adrien hid behind the overturned car as Reflekta's clones started attacking untransformed civilians. Apparently, Reflekdoll broadcast a signal that brainwashed any copies. "That's new."

"You are Chat Noir, correct?"

Turning, he spotted a red kwami holding a pair of earrings. "Yeah? And that over there is... Ladybug?" Adrien asked as someone who could only be his Lady launched herself at the giant sentimonster. The suit may have been different but the cat ears were a dead giveaway.

"There's been a little mix up with the Miraculous. I'm Tikki, pleased to meet you!" Tikki offered Adrien the earrings which he accepted.

"Well! Tikki, transforme-moi!"

-----------------

Marinette dodged blast after blast from Reflekdoll.

"Well, my Lady Noire, looks like you're playing the easy part today!"

Lady Noire looked over to see who could only be Chat Noir with her Miraculous. "Not so sure about that!" Placing herself in front of him Lady Noir whirled her staff as a shield, blocking Reflekdoll's beam. "Looks like we'll be taking on two opponents that amplify each other's powers!"

They jumped onto the top of a nearby stone pillar as Reflekdoll attacked again.

"Stay focused, Mister Bug!"

Mister Bug took his yo-yo out and whirled it like he'd seen Ladybug do countless times. "Just my luck. I'm gonna have to capture two akuma instead of one."

"No, one akuma and one amok," Lady Noire corrected.

Reflekta fired her beam into one of the ports onboard. The magic layered by Reflekdoll before it shot a concentrated beam. Mister Bug acted on instinct and tackled Lady Noire out of the way. They rolled to their feet and charged up Reflekdoll as Lady Noire explained what a sentimonster was.

"Would've been nice to know what the Peacock could do before their sentimonsters started showing up!" Mister Bug commented as he launched a kick at said sentimonster to little effect.

"It was on a need-to-know basis!" Lady Noire swung her staff into the sentimonster with similar results.

"I really need to talk with the Guardian about what he considers 'need-to-know'!" Mister Bug leapt back towards the ground with Lady Noire. "Okay, so we need to find Reflekta's akumatized object and the baby monster's amok."

Lady Noire deflected another beam from Reflekdoll. "Can you manage or should we switch back?"

"C'mon! I'm totally capable of doin' it!" Mister Bug smirked.

Lady Noire pulled him out of the way of Reflekdoll's beam and they ran towards the Eiffel Tower. "We need to figure out where the akuma and amok are!"

"Probably the same place as the last time we fought her. In her bracelet!"

They jumped onto the tower itself and used the iron structure to shield themselves. "Maybe. We're gonna have to check that!"

"If I could just get my hands on a mirror I'd be able to reflect her own beam back at her!"

Landing on the first level, Lady Noire turned to look at Mister Bug. "That's not how it works." She crossed her arms. "The Lucky Charm doesn't just give you what you want."

"You ever asked? Watch and learn!" Mister Bug grinned. "Lucky Charm!"

"A mirror!" Oh, Adrien was gonna lord this over her so much! 

"Beginners luck," Lady Noire declared. Chat Noir was gonna be insufferable about this she could feel it.

"You're just jealous of my mastery!" Mister Bug teased.

A loud banging interrupted them and they looked down to see Reflekdoll climbing the tower. Reflekta steering with one hand and shooting her much smaller lasers through the window eyes with the other.

Mister Bug held out his mirror and reflected one of them back at her. Bullseye!

Reflekdoll shot at them with its big beam.

 "Very effective, Mister Bug."

"Hey, it worked didn't it?"

Lady Noire sighed in exasperation. "May I remind you that the Lucky Charm doesn't just give you an object to defeat the villain with-"

"I thought that's exactly what it does?"

"You actually have to figure out exactly how to use it!" Lady Noire poked him in the forehead. "Using your head!"

Reflekdoll reached there level and started firing. Mister Bug jumping for cover while Lady Noire blocked its attack with her staff. "Since you wasted your Lucky Charm. I guess that means it's my turn, buggaboy! Watch and learn! Cataclysm!"

Lady Noire leapt at the sentimonster and-

Her body was pulled out of the way of Reflekdoll's beam just in time. Mister Bug unwinding his yo-yo none too gently. "What was that about using your head? May I remind you that Cataclysm needs a physical medium to work properly! If that sentimonster is made outa magic I doubt it'll do what you want!"

Lady Noire held the Cataclysm as close as she could without actually touching it. "Well, what do you suggest?"

Mister Bug pulled her out of the way of another beam. "Uh... I... Knock her back to ground level while I come up with something?" Adrien smiled with the most conviction he could muster.

Lady Noire groaned. "Think fast!" And rushed out. Dodging Reflekdoll's attack she extended her baton and struck the sentimonster with her full momentum. Reflekdoll crashing back down to earth.

Taking advantage of Lady Noire's distraction Mister Bug glanced around from his high vantage point. Trying to spot anything that would spark an epiphany like Ladybug. "Okay, I admit it!" he cried out, shoulders slumping, "Being Chat Noir is way more fun."

Lady Noire leapt around the sentimonster and struck at its body. The Black Cat giving her a bit more agility than she was used to. Very handy.

Mister Bug added a swing of his yo-yo to one of her attacks. Reflekdoll stumbling with their combined force.

Lady Noire landed beside him. "What have you got?"

"Ah," Mister Bug rubbed the back of his neck. "About that..."

She stared at him. "Seriously!?"

"Well, I'm sorry! Some of us are just slow learn-"

"LOOK OUT!"

Lady Noire didn't think. She just acted. Mister Bug was the only one who could purify the akuma and he needed to keep going. She pushed Mister Bug out of the way as one of Reflekta's clones attacked... Just as Reflekdoll fired its beam.

"My Lady!" Mister Bug cried out.

Lady Noire stood immobile as a Reflekta copy.

"Yes! Now get bug boy's Miraculous!" The original Reflekta ordered.

Springing to life, the Reflekta that used to be Lady Noire aimed her bracelet and fired.

Mister Bug whirled his yo-yo as a shield and leapt to the nearest roof.

"You won't get away from me!" Reflekta called after him as he fled for cover.

-----------------

Adrien leaned against the wall of his hiding place. Breathing deeply, heart hammering in his chest. "Okay. It's okay. Ladybug does this all the time! What would Ladybug do? What would Ladybug do?"

The Ladybug earrings beeped insistently.

"This is fine!" Adrien announced as he detransformed.

Tikki falling into Adrien's palms as he fell to his knees.

"This isn't fine! Tikki, I can't do this! I'm no Ladybug! We should've switched back when she said! I-" Adrien's chest constricted and he forced his breath to slow.

"She trusted you enough to keep going," Tikki said weakly.

Her state bringing Adrien out of his head. "You need food."

Tikki hovered closer to his face, looking him in the eye. "No two of my Ladybug's have ever been exactly alike. Some are slower learners than others. I trust you, too."

Adrien looked away, shoulders hunching. "But I messed up."

"Remember Stoneheart?" Tikki prompted. "Ma- Ladybug messed up too. But you still believed in her." She placed a paw on his cheek. "Believe in yourself now."

Adrien's gaze came back to her.

"Don't ask what Ladybug would do. Ask yourself: what would Adrien do?"

Steeling his resolve Adrien nodded, rising to his feet and cupping Tikki in his palms. "First things first," he inched closer to the alleyway's entrance. The overturned car with his stash of Camembert a short sprint away. "Let's get you recharged."

A gaggle of Reflekta clones chased a group of civilians past him. The people hit turning into more copies and standing still until the akuma villain's voice came booming over the city. The new clones springing to life so they could follow her orders.

They lit up in Adrien's mind and his head shot back to the sentimonster in the distance. Its beam lighting up too.

Adrien gazed down at Tikki and grinned. "I've got an idea."

-----------------

"Lucky Charm!"

A mirror fell into Mister Bug's hands. "Wow, twice in a row. Lucky me," Adrien deadpanned as he tied it to his arm like a shield using his yo-yo. The plan was a laughably simple two step process.

Step One: Get shot.

"Hey, Reflekta!" he hollered from a rooftop at convenient shooting hight. "Don't you know that pink frills are so last season?"

"Once I turn the whole world into Reflektas it'll be the only season!" She fired into Reflekdoll's port which concentrated her energy into a stronger blast.

Just as planned. Mister Bug braced his feet and held his Lucky Charm directly in front of him. "Here we go!"

The sentimonster fired.

Step Two: Shoot Reflekta with her own sentimonster's magic.

The beam reflected off Mister Bug's mirror and perfectly into the round eye windows. Blasting Reflekta dead center.

Adrien held his position for a moment, peaking past his makeshift shield. Reflekta and Reflekdoll stood still. Waiting for orders from... themselves. The enhanced magic dependent on the sentimonster and by extension whoever was driving it.

"Yes!" Mister Bug raised both fists. "Now just a little pest control and we can all get on with our day!"

Finding and purifying the akuma and amok was easy when he wasn't being shot at. Grabbing Juleka as the sentimonster vanished and setting her down on the ground.

Adrien looked at Mister Bug's reflection in his mirror... "I've always wanted to do this." And tossed his Lucky Charm into the air. "Miraculous Mister Bug!"

As the ladybug's restored Paris he spotted a familiar black suit. Adrien ran for her.

"Mister Bug? What- OOF!" Lady Noire stumbled as her partner barreled into her and tried to squeeze all the air out of her lungs. Once she could breathe Marinette wrapped her arms around him and patted his back. "You did good, little bug."

Adrien just held her for a moment. She was okay. He'd saved her. She was okay.

Then his earrings beeped.

Breaking the hug, Mister Bug jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Ah, we should split."

"Yeah..." Lady Noire readied to extend her baton. "... I think I finally get why you're so protective."

Mister Bug smiled. "And I get why you're so focused all the time."

He offered a fist bump and she accepted. Both heroes leaping in opposite directions.

-----------------

"Tikki!" Marinette cradled her friend to her chest.

"Marinette!"

"I can't believe how much Chat trusts me... Knowing you might have to do that again? I don't think I could handle it."

"He's your Chat Noir for a reason, Marinette," Tikki agreed.

-----------------

"Fighting by yourself is horrible, Plagg! I don't know how Ladybug does it." Adrien held him tight. Deciding never to let his Miraculous out of his sight again.

"She's got you most of the time, doesn't she? You're supposed to support each other, ain't ya?"

"Yeah. You're right..."

-----------------

"... Well, one things for sure, Tikki." Marinette gazed off in the direction Plagg flew towards.

-----------------

"She definitely-"

-----------------

"He definitely-"

-----------------

"-got the short straw."

----------------------------------

Yes, this is technically the last prompt... But it's already written and I'm impatient.

@adrienaugust

[dancingazaleas]

𖨆. 04 / all for us

summary: a few weeks later, you’re finally allowed to leave your room. however, you notice something that you later wish you hadn’t.

note: i had the worst headache whilst editing, i apologize for mistakes.

taglist: @the-sun-baby @voltairelesecond @baelo80 @uniquepickle

warnings/notes: cursing, last chapter was the calm before the storm, brutal assault, abuse, manipulation, blood, slight mind break, drugging, use of alcohol

YOU were surprised whenever erwin and levi told you that you'd been good enough to venture the house a little more a few weeks later. you had been doing the same thing as before, sitting in your room and crying, hanging with the two men for two hours, and back to being lonely.

right now, you were stuck in your room. staring out of the window into the garden with dull eyes, silent tears running down your face.

you want to go home and sleep in zeke's arms. you want to tell pieck you love her and you didn't mean what you'd said to her. you wanted to play goofy songs on the piano with bertholdt. you wanted to lay in the sun with porco and reiner while they both commit to a workout routine.

you'd do anything to have that again. anything.

you wiped away your tears whenever you heard footsteps. the door opened to reveal levi followed by his bear of a boyfriend. erwin had on a gentle smile while levi looked the same; irritated.

"c'mon, you're playing for me today," levi grunts and your eyes light up at the opportunity.

you haven't played any instrument since you were taken. your hands missed their place on the objects, fingers delicately strumming the strings or pressing on the keys. they missed their home, just like yourself.

you're glad that they hadn't caught any signs of you crying. if they had, you would've had to stay in the room and talk it out with them.

you obediently follow behind them, nightgown swishing as you walk excitedly. you watch them unlock a door that leads to your quarters, and for the first time you're in the living room without crying.

the living room is big and clean, so much to where you wonder if it's even been touched. you turn your gaze to the left, eyes acknowledge the large, black front door. your eyes widened while the voice in your head screams at you.

'RUN!!!' it says, 'THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE!!’

your eyes dart down to look at the doorknobs and it's locks. the door was left unlocked.

you gulp down the ball starting to form in your throat and try to ignore how you've started to sweat. you look back at levi and erwin, who are not paying any mind to what you do. they made the mistake of not holding your chain and not having one of them walk behind you.

before you can even really think, you're gliding across the room to the door. swinging the door open just as levi and erwin turn to scream at you, and you almost feel your stomach drop at the view before you.

it's a long stone walkway with a gate sitting at the end, almost teasingly. you run quickly, ignoring how the rough stone scrapes roughly against the soles of your feet. the window is rushing through your hair and slapping against your face, something you relish in temporarily.

your legs are starting to ache from how fast you're pumping them, trying to get to the gate as quick as you can. the wind has you tearing up once more, but you reach up and wipe away the small tears.

you ignore the sound of levi's footsteps as well as his and erwin's angry screams, you're so close, you're almost there.

your mind flashes to porco and reiner for a brief moment. you thank them in your head, now happy with how the two would make you race with them during their workout routines sometimes.

you're almost there, your fingers even graze against the black metal of the fence. but your breath is being knocked out of your body as you're tugged backwards.

your chain. your chain was the cause of your demise, it had been loosely swinging behind you and over your shoulder as you ran.

your head along with your back slam against the stone, loud screams of pain bursting through your mouth. you're sliding towards the person your chain is being tugged by, nightgown now tearing apart because of the friction.

levi is above you, eyes looking almost animalistic along with an angry face that stares at you as he huffs to get his breath back. you lay in the fetal position, crying out at the tip of levi's shoe kicks into your stomach. it has you barfing, but as soon as you finish levi's hands are grabbing you by the hair and dragging you back to the house.

but halfway down the pathway, he lets go and it makes you nervous. his foot comes into contact with your nose, blooding immediately gushing out of it. you sob out after he kicks you in the same spot once more, you think you hear a crack.

his foot kicks at your ribs now, taking all the breath out of your body while your eyes go blank. you can't think, even as levi's knuckles connect with your jaw. you spit out blood and cry at the scratch you get from levi's wedding band.

his hand is tangled with your hair, and instead of trying to pull away, he uses it as leverage. he squats onto a knee, eyes widened as he slams your face into the stone. you screech, nails clawing at the rough terrain and look to erwin.

"HELP!!! HELP, PLEASE," you gargle out blood mixed with your spit, reaching a shaking hand to him.

"HE'S GONNA KILL ME, PLEASE," you wail just as levi hits you again.

"that's enough levi," erwin says, now standing behind levi and staring over his shoulder.

you look absolutely damaged. blood, spit, and tears smeared across your face and scrapes all over your fragile body. levi slams your head down one last time, detangling his hand from your hair and storming off.

erwin only sighs and takes you in his arms, ignoring how your whole body trembles the moment he touches it.

"you're ignorant," he shakes his head, "i told you that levi would hurt you if you tried to run, and you didn't listen."

he's placing you onto your bed after he's walked back inside, eyebrows furrowed and nostrils flared from irritation. his palm smacks you across your face, and you sob from the pain.

"let me tell you something," he murmurs into your ear, "even if you'd gotten passed the gates, we would've found you."

you're panting and sobbing, wanting erwin to step away from you.

"that little collar of your's has a tracker," he whispers, "you'll never be able to get away."

those are the last words you hear before you black out.

————

you sit in the bathtub a few days later, listening to the gentle singing of erwin as he drenches you in warm water.

it burns against your skin, something you'd pointed out, but they ignore. you supposed it's an extension of your punishment.

when you get out of the bath, erwin tends to your wounds. he puts on a new bandage over the cut on your face from levi's wedding band, and new bandages onto your arms and torso.

later that night, erwin finds you curled in a ball into the corner of your dark closet. hands protectively shielding your head and covering your ears, shoulders quivering as tears run down your face.

"darling," he frowns, "you've got to stop coming in here."

you don't answer, which doesn't surprise him, and only pull your hands closer to yourself. he knows you won't willingly get up, so he brings the tray into the closet.

"i have to feed you, i need you to comply," you relax, hesitantly taking your arms away from your head and lowering your knees onto the floor.

he feeds you in silence, the only noise being the air conditioner coming off and on as he spends his time in there. he notices how you struggle to swallow down your food, probably from how levi's kicks damaged your ribs along with your stomach. before he can leave, he hears your hoarse voice asking for an answer.

"erwin...," you say, "how... how did you guys kidnap me?"

erwin sighs a bit, deciding to get himself comfortable as he begins the story.

————

it was a rainy night, raindrops froze against your skin as they pelted towards the ground. erwin and levi, your newfound friends, had invited you to go drinking with them a couple of weeks prior. you accepted with hesitance, but the hesitance was thrown out of the window whenever you and pieck had gotten in a fight earlier that evening.

you needed to get your mind off of the heated argument, pieck told you that you're a fuck up while you said that you hate her. you knew that you would regret this in the morning, but right now you're way too sad to even give a fuck.

when you enter the club, you find levi and erwin sitting and talking to one another at the bar. they both already have drinks and look as handsome as ever.

you sing out a greeting as you take the stool between them, ordering yourself a fruity drink.

"glad you could make it," erwin smiled to you, bringing his transparent drink to his lips.

"i promised i'd be here! besides, after the night i've had, i deserve to get drunk. what are you two even drinking," you smirked while looking to levi, bumping your shoulder against his.

he rolled his eyes your antics, while erwin spoke, "levi isn't really able to get drunk, but he's drinking whiskey. i'm drinking bourbon. what happened?"

you sighed, but it's cut off whenever the bartender puts your drink onto the counter in front of you.

"my best friend and i got into a fight, something about the house we share and something her cat did. she said i was a fuck up, i said i hated her. we'll be crying and apologizing by tomorrow," you fanned your hand and take a swig of your drink.

erwin opened his mouth to say something, but you interrupt him with a hoot as you slam the glass back to the counter.

"that's strong!" you laughed, barely noticing how quickly you downed it, "can i have another one?!"

"you shouldn't drink too much," erwin said while he pats your back.

you can't yell at him since levi asks a question before you could, "wanna have shots?"

"yes, please! what should be get," you grinned, the both of you ignoring the disapproving look from erwin.

"kamikaze shots," he smirks, "unless you can't handle it."

"are you fuckin' kidding?! let's go, right now," you're overly excited, slightly buzzed as you move around.

said shots were placed before you and levi. you picked it up and clinked glasses with him as you laugh, slamming it back down to the counter and downing it with a grimace. you shouted out in excitement once again, throwing your hands into the air.

"let's fuckin' go!!"

"let's not," erwin pulled your hands back into your lap, which you giggle at.

levi orders you another drink, you don't exactly hear what it is even whenever the bartender puts it down in front of you. your words are slurring as you laugh and chat with the two of them, eyelids heavy as you feel yourself getting more and more tired.

"hey, (name)," levi pushed his knee against your's, spinning the liquid in his cup around.

"wh... what's up," you grinned stupidly whilst laying your head against the counter.

"we like you, romantically," the statement had you sobering up, eyes shooting open and head shooting up.

"huh? what'd you say? i think i'm really drunk now."

"i said what i said," erwin's slightly panicking over your shoulder, "would you want to be with us?"

you squinted your eyes, temples suddenly throbbing with pain. you came out to have fun, not this.

"no," you sighed sadly, "i don't like you guys like that. plus, i'd feel intrusive."

levi gave a drawn out hum as he takes your drink from the bartender and putting it onto the coaster before you.

"it's okay, don't worry," levi shrugged, hand retreating back to his glass of whiskey.

you sighed in relief and break into a smile, once again drowning yourself in the fruity drink levi's given you. when you slam it back down, you cringe and your face is pulled into a grimace once more.

the drink tasted weird, nothing like the name implied. you try to wrack what alcohol exactly tastes the way this one does, salty. it tastes salty. and it's not like it's only alcohol in the drink, at least you think.

your eyes shoot wide as you come to the realization. this is a rape-date drink. and you've just downed the drink within seconds.

your mouth opened, but nothing but gibberish comes out. the last thing you see before your eyes droop is levi's small smirk with arms opened wide.

————

the story has you recoiling into a ball again, tears streaming out of your face while erwin tries to put a hand on your shoulder.

levi inflicted so much pain. physical and mental. he's the one who got you drunk, he's the one who drugged you, he's the one who slapped you day one, and he's the one who beat you. and erwin helped. erwin ordered.

"don't touch me, please," you whisper, backing yourself further and further into the corner of the closet.

"please, i want to comfort you," he frowns, once again reaching his hand out.

"NO!!" you cry and slap his hand, immediately retracting from fear.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to," you fumble with your words and curl inwards more, "please don't hurt me again, please. i don't want to hurt anymore."

erwin's heart aches as you start to tremble, noticing how hard you were digging your nails into your scalp.

"it's okay," he says calmly, "i won't hurt you."

you choke out your words, "but levi will. he'll hurt me again."

erwin stays silent, knowing full well that you were correct. erwin was barely able to smack you without feeling bad, he couldn't imagine kicking you in the ribs. erwin can feel a ball in the back of his throat, picking up the tray in silence and leaving you alone.

you cry as you lay on the floor now, fetal position. you're going to fall asleep soon, and you're okay with you. you feel slightly more protected in the closet on the floor than in your bed.

your eyes are fluttering close.

you hope that you won't get hurt again.