#this might motivate to start drawing again omg
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
This is actually so cute— Imma start shedding genuine tears
cabenson drawing :3
#alexandra cabot#alex cabot#olivia benson#cabenson#cabot x benson#alex x olivia#law and order special victims unit#law and order svu#svu#svu fanart#cabenson fanart#wlw#this might motivate to start drawing again omg#This is so special to me tbh#I love this with all my heart#I know I'm doin too much but this is sooooo cute#I love this art style
936 notes
·
View notes
Text
Asks about our art and drawing process
Seeing more and more questions about this, so it makes sense to put these together in a single post
But before we start, a little warning: we ain't no art school graduates or anything, just a couple of self-taught illustrators who still figuring how to draw. This means we can't really give any pro tips, only share our experience, and let's be real, there's so little to share. So don't feel bad if after this post we sometimes skip these kinda questions — guys, we have a smooth brain and just vibing with our art. Nothing else v_v
So here you go
Nothing special, seriously. It might sound harsh, but sometimes we just don't have any other choice. Drawing is our job, our way of surviving, our life. There is no better motivation than taxes, you know. As for how we got started, it was all about that love for drawing, making ocs and stories, creating original stuff, and all the failures were like a boss fight. And fighting can be fun, not painful. Remember, the old you, the one who didn't know as much, brought you here — so don't ask too much from the current one, it's all part of the journey to becoming the future you. Love the process, not just the result. That's enough for us
Thank you so much! Glad to hear you think so 🖤
Ahh.. randomly. Just choose those colors that work better with the mood and the idea of illustration, not always based on reality. Inspired by other artists art, animation, movies. Everything can change in the final anyway. Sometimes it's just an irrational "well... it's more beautiful this way”. Chaotic process, to be honest
Omg… idk?? but thank you. We're not feeling like pro artists just yet though. We just draw. And analyze it. Analysis is a good thing. And broaden your art horizons. And then draw again
Hey dear we’re really sorry that your relatives don’t share your passion for art. This is a true story for us — our families didn't always take our choices seriously either. But drawing can always be your hobby
We’re absolutaly okay with using our art as references for a study. Just no tracing and no using as references for your personal work/ideas. It's pretty obvious, but just in case
And it's super cool to hear that our illustrations are inspiring you to get back into art. Thank you! 🖤🖤🖤
104 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi sorry really ask that you don't need to answer this question, What would be the reaction of the characters from Siren Tower to those from Failure Tower? Again you don't need to respond sorry for the inconvenience
First up, sorry i didn't draw for this, it makes me too nervous for some reason. I'll try to describe their reactions as best as i can! Also sorry if i get something wrong.
Oh and another thing. They won't understand each other because of the language barrier between human and siren language. Maybe the Fakers could understand each other a little bit but I'll get to that.
Starting with the Peppers. I feel like Peppercrab would try to motivate Failure Pepperman with his art. Cause i imagine the paintbrush hand would be much harder to control than a regular brush. Peppercrab is basically like "look, if i can make art with my claws, so can you!" Now if Failure Pepperman is motivated by that or envious is up for debate
Moving along to the Vigilantes, i think the moment Siren Vigi sees his Failure counterpart, he will assume it was some human who killed him. He already believed humans were evil creatures who just want to harm innocent beings, and seeing his ghost makes him hate humans even more. He swears he will avenge Failure Vigi's death. He might be a sea slug, but don't underestimate him lol
Now the Fakers i think could potentially even understand each other. Either because Siren Faker knows a little bit of human language, or because clones just understand each other naturally. Anyway, i think Siren Faker would be really excited to see a more human version of himself. He would probably keep poking Failure Faker, or even hug him if he allows it.
The Noises wouldn't get along i think. Siren Noise would spit water on Failure Noise, or keep touching his exposed skin, knowing fully well that it will hurt the other. Until Failure Noise gets so mad he grabs his shark version by the wrists and tries to throw him to the side, and then they'd start fighting.
(for clarity: Noisette = Failure Tower, Hazel = Siren Tower) The girls would get along well i feel like. Hazel would offer Noisette various of her baked goods, and then just keep talking while Noisette listens. She points at Noisette's trans pin and goes "omg me too!!", and she'd probably asks about the mask cause she thinks it's cute. I don't think Noisette would take it off, and Hazel respects that of course.
Now the Peppinos. I like to think Failure Peppino and Gustavo would both meet up with Siren Peppino. Siren Pep would be confused because that Gustavo looks so similar to that shark man who saved his life once, and who now lives in his bath tub. Would that mean that they'll end up together as well? Not that he would mind. Also he'd be jealous of Failure Pep's clothes cause he sees that as him having an actual good running business and not being in debt anymore.
And uh, that's it! Sorry i couldn't think of much, and sorry again if i got something wrong!
#toasty response#pizza tower#pizza tower au#siren tower au#failure tower#peppino spaghetti#gustavo pizza tower#the noise#pepperman#the vigilante#fake peppino#noisette#hope i got everyone#also sorry i didn't do anything for pizzaface. idk how that would work out tbh#oh and don't worry! if i didn't want asks i would've turned them off lol
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
Do you have a set process for coloring and rendering / adding texture to your art? If so, would it be alright for me to ask what goes into that process? I'd love to learn how an artist I admire goes about their work!
Omg I'm so flattered, I'll try my best to explain it!! ^^
Tho, okayyy, I apologize beforehand for how incoherent this might be, since I don't really have a set process at all and mostly I fake it 'til i make it haha. I'm the first to admit that I don't have a ver consistent method and that shows in how irregular in quality my art can look, even inside the general sketchy look.
(Btw sorry if some of the fanart i use for example doesn't make you comfortable but I've tried to find the best examples for each type of coloring haha)
I'll start with the brushes I rely on the most, tho I admit i made the mistake of downloading too many brushes and textures so I might use others on rare occassions xddd
These are basically the brushes I use the most. The "mezclador redondo" is just CSP's default paintbrush and I only tweaked it to find sth I liked and felt comfortable with for both lining and painting
As you can see here I only used one layer for lines and other three for each of the guys' colors. I colored it all with the default brush (tho unfortunately I lost the settings I used for this drawing in particular and haven't found them again rip). In drawings like this I just do a sketch, clean the lines (no lineart) and then paint it. After the base color I start laying out different hues to make the coloring more interesting.
This one was the same. One layer for coloring, manually adding lighter hues (see the more light and yellowish color on grovyle's left leg compared to the shadow) or darker tones. I try to add color to the shadows as well to make them feel less flat, and an airbrush in overlay tends to help with that (tho here I just used a brush).
Here you can see that I often paint over the lines on another layer to correct mistakes in the "lineart" lol. I also applied an airbrush (layer mode overlay) over celebi to make her more bright. I wanted to put this one to show that coloring doesn't have to be detailed to look nice enough. Here Celebi basically has no shadows at all but the tone of the drawing makes her look cute anyways imo ^^
In these two you can see adjustements over the full image again (yellow layer), but I also wanted to show that I don't have a set number of layers either, it depends on how many I feel like using. Again, sorry for the lack of consistency but im too lazy to have a proper method lmao
I will also use harder brushes and tone changes sometimes, instead of blending them with less dense brushes. I am also fond of adding hard lighting in some drawings. You can experiments with it on a top layer and delete it if it doesn't fit, so it's always worth a try.
Another thing I recommend is studying and copying artists you admire or like. Add things from their styles into yours, see how they work with proportions and try to use that in your own art. It has helped me a lot and, without looking to fully copy anyone's style, it does give you some ideas of how you wish your drawing would look, which motivates me (when it doesn't depress me lol)
Finally, the texturing isn't consistent either. I use one of CSP's/Downloaded texture packs, put a grainy texture on the canvas, set it to overlay and adjust the opacity until I'm satisfied. In these two images you can see I am not consistent in coloring even in the same comic lmao. But we are doing this for fun, so I think experimentation is always sth worth exploring ^^
And I think that's all I have to say. I don't control color theory at all, so I can't really explain how I choose colors. I look up some tutorials on youtube and pretend I understand lol. Ig the one thing I tend to do a lot is changing hues in a base color to make it look less flat, the same as with shadows.
Anyways I hope this was helpful or that it at least waas what you asked for haha. Thank you for the interest!! :DD
#ask#art process#i guess???#anyways thank you for the ask sofie i hope this was helpful <333#I am KIND OF A BIG MESS IN ORGANIZATION#but hey we have fun hahaha
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey gang! DotS:MMM update!
I will preface: the comic is still live and shall continue at an irregular schedule until I can pull myself together and get back into the flow
Frankly I have not felt up to drawing and forcing myself into a grind. I need to pace myself and not feel like this is an obligation. I started feeling like I had to make pages to keep up the pace and not disappoint, but that started to really ebb at my enjoyment of making this comic
This is my hobby, and not my job. Nobody pays me to make these. I make this because I like it and want to tell a story. Something I have to constantly remind myself, despite the pressure of disappointing my readers with my inconsistency. These days I draw in bursts and end up losing my stamina because I become emotionally overwhelmed
My energy is still fickle. I'm bombarded with overwhelming negativity at home from various sources, including personal stress and depression caused by my current life situation. What I make to decompress shouldn't be a stresser either
I'll continue to chip away at finishing these pages for DotS:MMM Part One, but it will be at my own pace. I'll post again once I feel ready and satisfied enough with how many pages I have in hand. Deadlines stress me out and kill my motivation to draw. Again it makes me feel obligated to do this stuff, to make it instead of just being something I enjoy and have fun with
Also Orpheus decided to worm his way in, so now I have to rewrite some scripts to as well fix a tremendous continuity error that Orpheus has come in to correct. This man makes me rewrite everything, I swear omg
You'll see what I mean in later parts of DotS:MMM
Thank you guys as always for your patience! 💖
Additionally for you all, my Tumblr lovelies, I'll continue to answer asks! Might be able to squeeze in a sketch or two as I go, but goodness I have to constantly train myself to draw for fun and not treat it like work. Tumblr has been helping with that a lot
My previous following several years ago on dA used to pressure me into keeping up with my own content and would punish me with hateful comments if I didn't post art of their fave OC of mine often enough (yes my OWN oc, not a fan character), and UGHGHGH MAN. HEAVEN FORBID I posted a new design without some sort of specific ritual first, just up and dropped a new character like "hi hello this is bleebo blorbie my new baby blorbo kthx bye". They'd throw a fit over that too. Not everyone of course, but it was a lot of people
I was bullied by fans of my own original content 😭 you see why I do fan stuff these days
It wasn't even remotely done, didn't even have a comic or story; people lusted over my own designs. I felt like I had to finish a story that never wanted to be told just to make ends meet, to appease the unappeasable, and burnt myself out entirely on the series to where I had to scrap the whole thing.
Thankfully that's not the case anymore, with my current following being great and sweet, but on rare occasions a rare impatient reader will show themselves on dA specifically
I appreciate you guys being so chill and kind to me throughout this year 😭 Tumblr gang I've always loved y'all. I haven't felt at home on a site in so long
#blazin beeps#dots news#dots comic#dots:mmm#I've been in a creative rut for months#it's been pretty rough on my productivity#I've been slowly getting better and getting out of it in the past couple of weeks#getting back onto fixing up mainline DotS too#things are slowly coming back together#just need to stitch it back into place
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
HI ATE!! (idk if ur older LMAO) im planning to write a fanfic! slayyyy, ive never wrote anything before, im an artist, i draw stuff, but my artworks arent that entertaining to post i guess? so i wanted to know if you had any writing tips that you could give! ty if you ever decide to reply to this!
HI OMG I'M SO PROUD <:DDD i'm looking forward to your fics, and as for tips, here's some i hope would be helpful :DD
write what you know/are familiar with most to start. writing can start to feel more fun, in my experience, when you're writing about things you understand or (also like me) are delulu and imagine a lot about :D
don't hinder your imagination if it serves the plot. fantasizing about where your plot will go is actually super helpful, and very fun! i do recommend not to add fillers though if they don't have any impact on the story, like side plots that go nowhere or random dialogue that doesn't serve any purpose to further the story or the characters' motivations ^^
liven your vocabulary. like many other authors here, i find it generally more pleasing to have more unique and plentiful ways on how to describe a characters' actions or thoughts, even describing parts on a character can be worded in longer or more unique ways! don't confuse it too much though, and i suggest not to use the same word twice when it's just been mentioned--maybe after a paragraph or two can you mention it again ^^
develop your style. like in art, writers have their own styles of writing, for example, mine is usually very descriptive and thought-provoking (wow ang yabang ni ate girl) and usually, i'll focus on the dialogue and description of the situation and story, so generally, my works are a little longer than i expect them to be ^^ you don't have to copy other writers' styles to get better though, what you can do is draw inspiration from them and ask yourself 'what is it i want my story to have?' you can try experimenting with dialogue, scenery descriptions, character descriptions, flashbacks, narration--keep trying, and you'll get to where you want to be eventually :DD
ask for feedback. this is one of the most important tips i have, because reaching out to a bigger audience about your work will help you see where your strengths and weaknesses lie. getting opinions from other people can help you accommodate many others into your works, too, through their suggestions and criticisms ^^
take breaks. this, i struggle with, so i'm kind of hypocritical for suggesting this :'D but if you ever feel like you're stuck in a certain point in the story or that you have to rush to post a story, please don't force yourself to finish it and rush, you might have a lot of regrets about the final product 😭😭😭take time to think about yourself first, then your story <:)
that's all i can think of right now, i'm really hoping your fic comes out well! i'm sure it will >:)) good luck !!
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
i have a question purely for my own benefit lol. How do you get motivation for writing and drawing? Inspiration is no problems for me (I have so many ideas omg help me) but I can never just sit down and make it happen? So what drives you to completing your works? (You need not answer this if you wish not to, much love for you and your work <3)
oh I get you so much! i also had the same difficulty with just getting started on a piece of art/writing. And i can tell you what works for me.
the thing is, if i dont have the motivation to do something, then i probably wont do it. However, if i really what to write/draw something but just can't get started (say im scrolling on tumblr or something like that) The best thing to do that works for me, is to just sit myself in front of my drawing/writing tablet, and open the app.
the start is normally really slow for me (especially when it comes to writing) but stick through it! I write those awkward, ganky sentences down, because theyll provide the acceleration for me to get into the flow of writing again. And you can always go back and edit them.
this is what works for me though! my trick is to just get started, put down my phone/music and tell myself. screw it. we're writing now. and evntually ill get into the flow of it.
i never really wrote any fics down before Open Your Shell, purely because i didnt start any. (as stupid as that sounds)
wow that was a lot of rambling! i hope that kinda makes sense. and again, this is what works for me! so what works for you might be completely different
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
Forgot to send this ask earlier, but.
The recent chapter was a delight to read! Absolutely love your writing style, especially the way you describe emotions. Catch me giggling and kicking my feet while reading your fics hehe.
And I must thank you for the inspiration too. Your writing have been motivating me to start drawing once again (and of course, scribble some doodles of the one and only Miguel O'Hara. Might even share here soon or later).
Thank you once again for sharing your writing here. I hope you have a lovely day/night!
(And please, take as much time as you need for writing the series! No need to rush. And make sure to get plenty of rest too!)
Hi, anon!!! Thank you so much for the kind words!!! 🥹 I'm flattered that you love my writing style, especially the description of emotions!! I'm not even joking, reading that made me so happy!! Thank you!!! 😭
OMG!! I'm honored that my writing has inspired you to draw again and that you've even drawn Miguel!!! If you do post it here, I hope I come across it to give it some love!! If you don't mind, I'd love to be tagged so I can see it for sure and not miss it, but of course, that's if you're okay with it, so no pressure!! But seriously, I'm so honored my writing has inspired you to draw again!! 🥺
And aww, thank you so much, anon!! 🥹 I'm really glad I have the opportunity to write and share it on here, and have it receive so much love!! It means so much to me!! Thank you for reading and once again, for the sweet words!! I hope you continue to enjoy the fic as it progresses!!
I hope you have a wonderful day/night, too, and please take care of yourself!! 🥰🫶🏼💞
(And thank you!!! I truly appreciate the sweet words about taking my time writing the fic! You guys are so sweet and patient with me, even though I took a hot minute to post the latest chapter! I appreciate it so much!! I'm definitely taking some rest after the last chapter and writing for shorter periods of time to do other hobbies I've put on hold, hehe! Finally practicing drawing again after several days!)
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
FR THO, like atp we need just a filter for asks 🙄 It's nice to interact with your favs
I might post my writing out of boredom, because I have one written already, but I feel like if I post it I'm not gonna be able to post regularly. Just because I lose motivation, and die 😭
ALSO ARE YOU IN MY WALLS OR SMTH? I WROTE MY ART COMMENT THINKING OF MY DRAWING OF CHOSO 💀 I keep staring at it I love it sm I CANNOTT, rumor has it if you come into my room you might catch me pecking a kiss onto the page. God I love Choso sm, hes on my mind all the time, like atp I'm gonna charge him for rent 😭
Srsly tho, I didn't mean to draw him. I've been thinking of him so often that when I started drawing in my sketchbook, it just.. Turned into him. I don't even really be drawing men (I find it difficult, I have a really feminine style 💀) but I did it, and he looks a little cutesy rather than smexy, but for some reason it fits him??
Someone please end my suffering, well it isn't suffering, but I'm so obsessed with him 😔💔 I don't mind it, until my friends tell me I'm annoying cause I keep talking about him (Honestly they're sick in the head and need help, which I will NOT give cause this is so fake of them. I'll remember these moments when they call me at 9 pm again 😒)
BUT FR HELP, LIKE WHY DID MY FRIENDS KEEP ME UP UNTIL 5 AM?!?! I WOKE UP AT 3 PM, SO I'M TIRED. Gonna have to take a nap to even it out 😞 My dentures are tired yk? My bones ache from being awake 😢 (I love being dramatic)
But get to work. My forehead is cold and in need of ekisses 🤞😋 (I keep reading what you said because it makes me giggle, you're so funny 😭🙏)
GAHHJJSJAKKA, Im literally squealing like a little girl over all the romantic things in all of your stories omgomgomg. I NEED SOMEONE TO TREAT ME LIKE THIS, Standards have been risen impossibly high 💀
XOXO 👽 (Might nap after this, I'll let you know 😽)
oh yeah if i don’t write a whole smau before posting it i would never post regularly LMFAO that’s how it was with my first smaus …. shivers… BUTTTT who cares about posting regularly post ur writing 😈😈😈😈
yes i’m in ur walls if u hear scratching its just meeee! but no i get it the choso brain rot is REAL and debilitating… just a brain full of choso…. omg how silly u mostly draw women and i mostly draw men… i think the only women i draw is like rei and shoko LMFAO
YOULL RMBR THOSE MOMENTS WHEN THEY CALL AT 9PM LMFOAOAOAOA…. UNTIL 5AM??? i’d die like i’d simply pass away i fear.
i am glad u like the… romantic… aspects of my writing bc …. i suck at writing the romance parts i fear anyway i hope u had a good nap if u did nap !
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm starting to get a little obsessed with Rings of Power, I have to admit. I'm not entirely sure why - perhaps I just really have a need to rejoin a fandom that is full of hyper-pedantic purists who nit-pick endlessly over contradicting canon material, racist "historians" who apparently never heard of the Moorish invasion, Mongol invasion, the Silk Road, or any of a thousand other reasons why actual historical people of color might have ended up in medieval Europe, and the usual victim-blaming villain apologists. (I won't lie, I also think the Feanorians are pretty compelling. I draw the line at blaming the invaded people for not wanting to hand the magic rock over to repeated mass murderers though.)
Eh, maybe I'll stick to my own corner. There's some good fic out there though.
These are my initial observations from the first episode:
1. There's more indirect Silmarillion references than I expected. From fan reaction, I thought they were scrapping the entire thing. But it seems like most of Elrond's fucked up backstory is intact. Or at least not contradicted. (I think there's even a Feanor namedrop in a later episode?)
2. Galadriel is so pretty, OMG. And her armor doesn't have boobs!
3. Elrond is adorable. Of all the fannish complaints, I have the most sympathy for the one about Elrond having Steve Harrington hair. I feel like it might be a character beat though. They seem to be leaning a bit into the idea of the Peredhel being not quite accepted in general elf society, so maybe that's meant to be a tiny little rebellion?
3b. The idea of the Peredhel not being particularly accepted does seem like a deviation from the Silmarillion, but then that was pretty broad strokes. We know EVENTUALLY Gil-galad and Elrond will be homoerotically joined at the hip, but it might take a while to get there.
3c. I would like him to grow it out eventually though. The current look doesn't suit his face. I think something longer and pinned back a bit might work better with those angles.
3d. The idea of Elrond not being an "elf lord" seems particularly offensive given the poor guy is arguably the heir of every elf kingdom under the sun. Then again, none of those elf kingdoms actually exist anymore. Except the one Gil-galad's running. But I actually really like the poor put-upon clerk with quiet ambitions aspect of his character. It's pretty rare to see open ambition treated as, if not a positive trait, then a neutral one.
I feel like there's this thing, in popular western media, where we adore the wise and powerful figures - the wise king, if you will, but we don't like the idea of someone actually wanting and trying to achieve that role. The only good powerful person, we say, is the one that doesn't want it. They get it by chance, by birthright, by being in the right place at the right time. Even if they "earn" it, it's generally by doing something heroic, completely unrelated to governing people or dealing with politics. THOSE sorts are almost invariably the Wrong Choice.
But what if you want to enact real, positive change? What if you want to protect people or take care of people? How do you do that, if you're not in a position of power? How do you get power, when you're not really allowed to want it?
(I might be projecting too many good motives onto my historically favorite character, but I have future canon knowledge that he does a pretty decent job when he actually IS in charge of shit, so there you go.)
4. I love that Galadriel and Elrond look like they're the same height. Google tells me he's 6', and she's 5'4". I'd never have guessed. Nice camera work. Or phenomenal job at hiding the stilts.
5. I love that elf aging seems to be completely arbitrary. Elrond and Galadriel look like babies. Gil-galad looks middle-aged*, while Celebrimbor...well, I guess being only non-murderous Feanorian is really stressful?
5b. It hurts me to say that as Gil-galad's actor is maybe a year older than I am. But alas, that's life.
5c. Celebrimbor also has short hair. Maybe it's a Feanorian thing? That'd be kind of interesting. Did Tolkien ever specifically SAY they had long hair?
6. I have no idea who Arondir is. It's probably worth noting that I haven't read the Silmarillion since college, which might explain why I'm not really nitpicking anything. Whether he's one of the umpteen tragic elves from that book, or a canon newcomer, I don't care. I want to keep him.
6b. I'd like to see that elf who said that there were only two elven-human marriages and they ended in death and despair to say that to Elrond's face. Wait, no. I think he might cry. Say that to Idril Celebrindal. I fucking dare you. (Tuor would absolutely hold her flowers.)
7. I wasn't expecting the hobbits. No one mentioned the hobbits.
8. Also, no idea what the Southlands are, but it's an interesting story beat. From an average human perspective, what makes one powerful overlord better than another? Especially given some of the shit the good-guy elves got up to over the years.
9. Everything looks really pretty and nothing's really happening yet, but this is Tolkien. I sat through the extended editions of the movies (...might have fallen asleep at one point, but that's between me and the Professor), I can wait a few episodes before things start to happen.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing the next one.
#sparkly elves and their jewelry#for your own sanity don't look up Elrond's family tree#an essay crept into my list - sorry#I remember the parts of the Silmarillion I cared about. The rest was all dead elves and humans with annoyingly similar names.#The parts I liked also have dead elves and people with annoyingly similar names but they also had or led to my favorite character
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shadow & Bone rewatch deep dive commentary that was started on twitter and is being moved/continued here!
This is the post for EP 04: Otkazats’ya
[Episode 01 post] [Rewatch Commentary Links Masterpost]
((There WILL be spoilers mentioned for the books in the Grishaverse including the Crows duology & King of Scars duology! This is basically from the perspective of watching the show as someone who knows the books well.))
(Just a disclaimer that I’m picking up doing these commentary posts from here after season 2 is out! Just fyi, I might mention s2 stuff in these where it wasn’t mentioned in the posts for eps 1-3)
--
Omg not the captain singing the drinking song Nina sang to Inej in the hold of the ship on the way to Fjerda
I love how they just toss in background book details in new places to color in the world! You can tell everyone working on constructing this show was such a massive fan of the books and it warms my heart
--
As always, I’m just enamored by the linguistics and writing systems the show has designed and fleshed out for all the languages!! They make the world feel so lived-in!
--
Poor Mal. He really feels so powerless and helpless; even to people who are super devoted, sheer faith and longing can’t keep people going forever.
Boy is living on crumbs atm
--
Mean Girls (2004) voice: AND NONE FOR MAL ORETSEV BYE
--
These two are so pure i can’t get over it.
Thank you for giving Mal close relationships (even if they eat it soon) other than Alina!
--
NOT GENYA CALLING HER SUNSHINE-!!!
😭 😭 😭
--
YEAH ITS CUS HE WANTS TO FEEL OWNERSHIP OVER YOU ALINA
--
Yep yep giving her crumbs of vulnerability to draw her in.
Top tier manipulator shit.
--
Jesper’s hair and expression here I’m fucking laughing so hard
He looks like he just woke up from a week-long bender omfg.
Jesper, honey, I’m begging you, drink some water along with whatever alcoholic beverage is in that glass
--
LOVE LOVE LOVE how they find ways to weave the Crows’ plotlines into the S&B book plot.
Using the Winter Fete party as distraction was probably drawn from them using Hringkälla for the Ice Court job. But I suppose in the show it’s gonna be the other way around now which is funny. They’re probably gonna be like “Well, remember how we snuck into the Little Palace in Ravka because of their big celebration? Let’s do that with this job too!”
Very Beethoven/Bootstrap Paradox meta shit here and it makes me laugh
--
Kaz Brekker has never taken a day off in his entire life and it shows
--
LOOK HOW EXCITED THEY ARE
Even Inej is trying not to burst out grinning
Same you guys
I always get hyped as fuck for a heist!
--
You’ve heard of Chekov’s gun, but we’ve finally found Chekov’s bullet
--
The fucking barmaid’s face
I can’t
“Who is this strange Zemeni dude and why did he dump a goat in my arms and start speaking softly and mournfully to it in Kerch???”
--
Not him blowing Milo a kiss
I LOVE JESPER FAHEY AND HIS DRAMATIC BISEXUAL ASS
--
LYING THROUGH HIS GD TEETH AGAIN
Spinning his fake little sob stories
Manipulator 👏 Shit 👏
--
I do appreciate this way of trying to make exposition about the Black Heretic story more active
And making the scene serve several purposes at once (Kirigan trying to draw Alina in with his ~relatable outcast~ stuff, as well as giving the viewers the backstory)
--
-
Again, I’m just glad these three got to be on-screen. It gives Mal other people around him that matter. (Which does then help fuel/motivate his devotion to Alina as we go forward.)
That was really also one of the things that bugged me about book!Mal (Although, to be fair, it might be less of a writing issue than a personal one) but it sticks in my craw when characters are single-person focused. (Unless that’s, like, part of their character shit to figure out, them feeling lonely or co-dependent, etc.)
Like I do understand it’s kind of been “Mal and Alina against the world” since they were young. But they haven’t always been together since they joined the military. Having relationships that span back for a long, long time can be powerful, don’t get me wrong. But length of a relationship isn’t the only measure of its importance.
I think part of it was that we only got Alina’s POV and so Mal in some parts of the series felt very one-note, unmotivated, unbelievable, etc. Because all we got was what he managed to say to Alina when he was actually present and interacting with Alina (which didn’t happen for a large part of books 1 and 3.)
--
The lesbian skepticism on Nadia’s face-!!!
--
I will never, in my life, get over Freddy’s acting as Kaz acting as a stuffy fancy ~artíst~
--
CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER
I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM
--
Ok so remember when this was the first sneak-peek scene they released of the Crows and we got to see them in action together for the first time??
It reminded me of my thoughts about Freddy’s voice as Kaz.
At first I was like “oh, hmm, he’s got kind of a higher, smooth voice as opposed to the way Kaz’s voice is described in the books” which is that rough gravely “rock-salt rasp.”
But as an iteration of Kaz (pluralism is my friend, you guys) Freddy’s voice for him is something I actually super love?
Like it’s a different sort of menacing. It can feel icy, if that makes sense. Like the higher register lends itself to his voice sounding cold, and the smoothness comes across as that kind of menacing sort of calmness. I dunno I just dig it.
--
I know we talk a lot about Inej’s knives (for good reason)
But dear saints I love Inej being invisible soundless sneaky.
I know she’d dislike me saying it, but honestly, she’s goddess material. This woman deserves to be lauded and honored at every opportunity.
--
What’s that meme again? “My idea of help from above is a sniper on the roof?”
Also, him waiting for the clock to chime to disguise the gunshot-!!!
Clawing my face off because I love my clever clever little thieves so much
--
[“Oh, and Inej,” he said as he led her out of the salon, “don’t ever sneak up on me again.”
The truth was she’d tried to sneak up on Kaz plenty of time since then. She’d never managed it. It was as if once Kaz had seen her, he’d understood how to keep seeing her.”]
Ok so we all agree that Kaz 100% did the same thing as with the magician he saw as a kid, right? Where he was obsessed with figuring out how the trick worked and unraveling it so he could learn to see what was actually happening?
Like [“Some people see a magic trick and say, “Impossible!” [...] And then there are the ones who stay awake, running through the trick again and again, looking for that skip in perception, the crack in the illusion that will explain how their eyes got duped; they’re the kind who won’t rest until they’ve mastered that little bit of mystery for themselves. I’m that kind.”]
INEJ WAS A PUZZLE HE THOUGHT ABOUT OVER AND OVER UNTIL HE FIGURED IT OUT
--
Oh, yknow, just reviewing stolen high-security floorplans in a public bar. As one does.
--
Lmao so basically my entire family hunts (northern woodlands, man) and I’m relatively sure my grandma has something that looks pretty much exactly like this
--
every friend group has someone like this in it
(in my experience said friend is usually a transmasc gremlin type)
--
fucking Mal just Very Seriously doing his Very Serious tracking while these two chucklefucks discuss selling literal shit in the background
--
knowing our beloved nina, the amount of sheer willpower she’s dredging up to refuse food is seriously impressive
--
she aint wrong, matty boy
--
ok so this is actually super interesting?? Because it speaks to Matthias having subtle curiosities/doubts about grisha and not fully understanding why someone would become grisha since he believes (read: was told) they weren’t just born that way.
In the books we never got to see Matthias speak to Nina alone until the shipwreck, there was always either other drüskelle and/or the other grisha captives on the ship (I mean there are other captives tied up here but they aren’t all shoved into a cage together so Nina and Matthias can have their own conversation)
I really like this little peek into Matthias trying to make sense of the indoctrination he was fed
--
yeah exactly, he’s trying to assuage his doubts about how “human” feeling Nina is because it’s gnawing at the indoctrination of dehumanization he’s been taught
--
Also, i love the camera work in this scene -- the lights are all hazy with lots of lens-flares and the shots are so so tight and close!
We’re putting two characters whose circumstances of birth and country and beliefs are so diametrically opposed together. But here they’re having a brief moment of connection where they each have a glimpse of each other’s humanity (in between all the vitriol.)
By cutting in close and having the rest of the “world” feel “out of focus” or “out of shot” it’s allowing this moment to feel like they can be two people for a brief moment rather than grisha and drüskelle. I adore it.
-
Yeah, see and then when they start talking politics about the Darkling, more of the shots have the camera pulling back a bit, because the “world” outside the two of them is shoving distance back between them
(Obv this is not an exact one-to-one this mapping of shots, but the scene in general does that and its really cool)
And then it pushes back in and gets more hazy again when Matthias has a moment of decency and offers Nina the bread without strings attached
mwuah! chef kiss!
--
ofc then it falls apart because these two are the most stubborn (affectionate, exasperated) people on the entire planet who can’t EXIST without taking petty jibes at each other
-
Just taking a moment to appreciate Calahan Skogman because he plays Matthias so incredibly well
I’m hoping so damn hard we get to see the Ice Court job adapted so we can see Matthias get let out of detention so he can go run and play with the other kids at recess
--
These are the faces of two exhausted parents at the end of a frustrating day with their excitable son and I’m living for it
--
LISTEN YOU TWO
AT LEAST JESPER IS COMING UP WITH IDEAS, STOP GLARING
--
Ok but this troupe leader, Marko, actually comes off as such a wholesome guy? I lowkey love his face??
Look how tear-stained and puff from crying it is?! This poor guy finally got to perform for royalty and thought his lifelong dreams had just been crushed and was sobbing into a mug of beer!
--
Inej entrusting Kaz with her knives DOES something to me, you guys
There is a fucking novel of unspoken words in these expressions I’m gonna gnaw my couch cushions in to piecessss-!
--
He’s so cute you guys I hope he still has a long and fruitful career even after all the fuckery that goes down at the Winter Fete
--
This whole scene has me gazing in adoration like a doting parent
Me to the person next to me, pointing, with a camcorder in my hand: Those are my kids!!! God, they’re so talented, I’m so proud of them!!
--
The fact that they made up entirely new playing card suits for this world-!!!
Honestly so much of what makes this world come to life in the show is thanks to how much AMAZING work the props and set people did???
They obviously loved and cared about the grishaverse so much, you can see in the sets and the costumes and the props how much work was put into making this world come to life and feel like a world that really exists with all its little bits and bobs and details!
That kind of worldbuilding minutia stuff just makes my brain go brrrrrr
--
Also I haven’t mentioned anything about the soundtrack yet but hot damn they’ve done so much to make it atmospheric but also do the A+ soundtrack thing of weaving musical themes for characters/groups
--
Ok tho Kaz 10000% could have gotten in as a performer too. Man’s got mad slight-of-hand skills he could definitely go in as a stage magician
--
It’s time for 🎶✨~Alina’s Emotional Mushroom Trip~ 🎶✨
--
Of course she was!
I feel like its super obvious that two orphan kids who’ve been through trauma and made a close connection would crave the stability of the life they have with a beloved friend, especially over an unknown where they would be alone and in a new place again having to start over???
I mean, she says she was thinking of Mal and not herself, but it’s both. Because him being alone would mean she would also be alone.
Alina was a scared little kid who had lost everything and was doing what she thought would keep everything she knew from being ripped away again.
--
I feel like in the books the dynamic of Darklina in the first book, it was obvious/deliberate that Alina felt very isolated at the Little Palace and so was kind of always steered back to the Darkling for scraps of affirmations or reassurances, plus the draw of their powers compounding this manipulation net the Darkling pulled her in by.
The dynamic feels different in the show, for a few reasons. I think Alina being aged up contributes to that. Also, we don’t get Alina’s interiority and descriptions of how her/the Darkling’s powers feel and pull her.
(Also Jessie and Ben have Very Good on-screen chemistry. And Ben Barnes is, well, Ben Barnes so the attraction-angle of the pull toward him is very believable.)
I mean, while Alina is aged up, she’s still a young woman. Her whole life she has overwhelmingly felt less than, invisible, and nothing special. And someone powerful is now telling her she’s unique and powerful and he’s the only one who understands her.
While Alina is still obviously manipulated heavily in the show, it feels less extreme? I don’t know how to word it?
Other contributing factors I think are her actually making closer friends at the Little Palace and that in the show we don’t see that extended period of time of her struggling and struggling and feeling like shit and powerless and “Other”-ed again. Also because we are shown that Mal DOES super care about her, rather than only getting her speculating and worrying.
-
And not only on Alina’s end is it different but I feel like the show we get shown more of Kirigan feeling helpless (something which is both authentic and strategic.)
Like I think its definitely real that he is struggling with these feelings of helplessness and futility in moving towards his goals.
But he is very deliberate in the ways he goes about showing it to Alina to make her feel like he’s letting his guard down with her and to garner sympathy with. As Baghra says towards the end of the season, giving Alina “a glimpse of the wounded boy.”
And it’s a huge credit to Ben Barnes that I feel that simultaneous nature.
Like in the moment, you do believe him in his pain and his loneliness. Because that is real.
But then you step back and realize he’s only showing it and showing it in such a way to weaponize it to cultivate those feelings of sympathy in Alina and keep her from seeing him as dangerous to her.
Ben Barnes’s performance really sells the Darkling so well. Because these things are all true: he has seen people die and is lonely and feels like he has to claw his way toward any change he can achieve.
But he is also playing bits of that up in very strategic ways in Alina’s presence to manipulate her.
(I always feel like I’m not gonna have more to say about the Darkling and then I end up writing a novel about it??)
--
”B-b-but-
Wait, was I the only one who believed we were actually giving them a fair trial?!?”
--
My parents’ walks to school, according to them.
--
Listen, I just love them
--
I LOVE THEM PUTTING TIME AND THOUGHT INTO SPRINKLING IN WORLDBUILDING
END ME
-
Listen all I can think about when I watch this scene is how this actor probably spent 9 hours in hair and makeup and wardrobe just to stand there, grab a stack of letters, shake his head, and walk away because he was a non-speaking extra and if he said “No” out loud they would have had to pay him the under-5-lines rate
--
Get that shit outta here, Baghra, we celebrate interdependence in this household!!
Also, the entirety of season 2’s themes would also like a word with you 👀👀
--
Ok not to sound like my northern midwestern mother but
CHILD DO NOT GO OUT IN THE COLD! AND SNOW! AT NIGHT! WITHOUT A FUCKING HAT ON?
You’re gonna get frostbite, Mal!!
It is AT LEAST below 10°F with how crunchy that snow sounds!!
--
Honestly, good for Alina. proud of her
--
This is funny to me because I know Jessie had a habit of just napping constantly in random places on set
--
Just BFF things: having matching palm scars
--
ARCHIEEEEE
Sometimes I feel for Archie because it can’t be easy playing Mal who, as characters in the grishaverse go, isn’t exactly the biggest fan favorite
And yet he’s out here giving us performances of this caliber
I see you and I love you Mr. Renaux
-
And that’s the end of episode 4!
[Episode 01 post] [Rewatch Commentary Links Masterpost]
#shadow and bone netflix#shadow and bone#alina starkov#malyen oretsev#grishaverse#the darkling#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#yes im back on my bullshit#i have so many thoughts and want to talk about s2 but wanted to finish these s1 eps first
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
DUNK IS HERE AGAIN...OK ANON THAT SAID YUJI IS AN ASSHOLE!! I AGREE SO HARD OMG FINALLY!!! I think yuji is so empathetic but he feels so deeply that he can get rlly rlly rude at times. I also imagine him 2 also be kinda dense at times. If it's something he's been through then he can easily pick up on it and help. If it's smth he's never been through?? He struggles 2 see why the other person is suffering, esspecially if thier emotions affect him. Like the junipe vs yuji fight. He didn't understand why he was crashing out on everyone, he didn't know why he hated humanity. He was just pissed off and scared that his friend was going down a dark path, so he got pissed off and beat the shit out of him out of fear. He was thinking he could change whatever he had going on and knock some sense into him, but that's not how people work. He's quic 2 use his fists for emotions bc that's all he really knows. It's only once junipe tells him does he understand why he does the things he does. (Junipe is near death atp)
This is why I think he is also autistic. He's Extroverted and loves people, yes. But he also would kill for anyone he's grown close 2, he's quick 2 punch a mfer in the face for insulting his friends. Same with family. If he had any, I'm sure he'd be ready 2 throw down. In a sense he's also willing w get stepped on, even if the person is awful bc that's still his friend. He knows them and is wiling 2 go through he'll 2 be with them (COUGH COUGH MEGUMI AND NOBARA)
As a person who kins yuji and relates 2 him, he's 10000% autistic 2 me. Alot of his mannerisms read 2 me like that. So that's why I think he can be standoffish at times. Emotions so big they can't fit inside his body, and explode right in his face. But can u blame him???
hi dunk anon! that's a very good perspective!
in my opinion, there is a very big difference between yuuji's personality at the beginning and his personality at the end of the manga.
there are several things that show that yuuji wasn't very emotionally mature at the beginning of the story, and sometimes that caused him to act impulsively, without thinking about the consequences of his actions. he was always quick to jump into a fight when he saw that the person he cared about was being hurt (right from the very first chapter), he didn't really understand why people would act the way they did (junpei's example is a good one, but also the fact that in 266 he mentions that he never understood why people would choose euthanasia, as the concept felt foreign to him).
however.
i think there is a certain point where the manga shows us a significant shift in yuuji's emotional state, and it is very noticeable. after sukuna takes over megumi in 212, there is a month's worth of training, and i personally think that's when yuuji starts maturing. as opposed to earlier occasions where he had to act on impulse and make decisions without really knowing what the repercussions would be, this time he has a chance to process everything and really think about it.
we see this growth much later on, especially in 265 and 266, where we see yuuji being able to empathise even with sukuna, who was a direct threat to his wellbeing and his loved ones. moreover, he himself brings the concept of euthanasia up and how he now understands what megumi was going through, and it's very evident that he grew to understand how complex people's motivations and feelings can be.
for me, this is the reason why yuuji isn't a "perfect sunshine child" - he's a person, and as such, he is bound to make mistakes, and the fact that his empathy is so strong can be both a blessing and a curse. it's easy to make assumptions and draw conclusions about what a person might be going through, but it is much harder to really put yourself into their shoes, and this is where yuuji excels by the end of the story.
this is why i both agree and disagree with you on the jealousy part - on one hand, i can definitely see him getting upset and irritated, as this is a normal, human reaction. pre 212 yuuji would most likely get pissed off and would have acted on his emotions, whereas post-awakening yuuji would be more aware and would try to empathise with megumi first, before acting. however, i do believe that a jealous yuuji is a vulnerable yuuji, and would definitely have toxic thoughts, even though he'd try to stop himself from voicing them out loud.
personally, i take yuuji more as an adhd-type neurodivergent, but i definitely can see why someone would interpret him as autistic. and this is one of the things i love about this series - the characters can be read in a variety of ways, and their personalities and actions are open to interpretation.
so yeah, i'm glad you're back, and thanks for sharing your HC with me! <3
1 note
·
View note
Note
thats so silly because my name is vincent!! who knows maybe im your cat in disguise.....
OOOO NICE QUESTIONS!! okay
1 — this one is hard simply because im unsure if theres any extra rules,,, i would love to solve a world issue, but that doesnt seem like a realistic answer. im also a bit indecisive, honestly.. BUT. i think i might like to be well known for my kindness or art, as my accomplishment. because if i do something like reach other people's hearts, maybe i can inspire a larger change and motivate them too. maybe id like to start a movement in fact, advocate for animals and minorities and keeping the world healthy. i have a lot of opinions that do me no good if i dont act on them. or if i end up being an author or famous for my drawings / other art, i can use my platform like that from there
2 — my favorite color varies! i love all colors, but i think my favorite palettes would be dark colors and pastels. (indecisive..) my favorite animal might be cats, however i have a deep adoration towards most animals out there, if not all. my favorite song.. hmm.. that changes, sometimes daily! but right now id say either vampire empire by big thief or angel by massive attack. my favorite thing.. i could never choose! theres so much to love, like time with friends or the rain or music or love itself. maybe ill go with that last one.. (silly since im on yanblr, huh?)
3 — my hobbies would include all forms of art, reading, dancing occasionally, consuming a lot of media.. and my interests would be,,, specific bands, some shows (iwtv, alnst if that counts, tlou, etc), some book series (so many actually), writing, and again all other art forms! i also like to analyze lyrics and make lists!!
4 — i dislike being alone, being rejected or abandoned, and cruel people. i also dislike criticism and being interrupted or ignored
5 — this has always been a hard one for me.. once upon a time i would say talking to animals, and while id still love that,, i might like teleportation better. simply because most of my loved ones are so far away, and i miss them dearly
OH ALSO would you like me to choose a sign off?
i'm sorry, this literally took me over a day to respond... I'M SO SLOW! i apologizeeee T_T
omg, i knew it... you're secretly my cat.
1 — oh i wasn't thinking of any extra rules, it was mostly just a question to see what you view as most important i guess hehe. that's a good answer ^_^ it's cool that you also do art and write! i do that, too, so that's cool to me, something we have in common. i think my ideas for responding to this question are pretty similar to yours :3c "i have a lot of opinions that do me no good if i dont act on them" like what?
2 — fair! all good choices. i'm glad you like animals; i see that as a good trait to have. i love animals too ^_^ i'll have to listen to those songs! that's understandable ehe it's quite a big question to ask your favorite thing. that's sweet :3
3 — awesome! i need to read more ahaha... cool :3 could you name any of the bands and book series? i am curious. what do you like to write? i like similar things to you, so that's awesome.
4 — me as well for all of those things...
5 — that makes sense! if i chose teleportation, i would chose it for stupider reasons than that LOL. personally, i'd choose shapeshifting, because 1. i hate my appearance and 2. i could turn into a monster to protect myself or a little tiny thing to hide as needed. and i love cheetahs, so i'd want to be a cheetah, just for fun. i'd also love to talk to animals, though. i do wonder if shapeshifting into one would allow me to talk to whatever kind of animal i'd be? i hope so.
that would make it easier for me to check your previous asks in the future, so yes ^_^ and sign-offs are fun, at least to me... so yes, unless you don't want to. i can always give you a nickname.
1 note
·
View note
Note
OMG! Hi Gabby, are you ok? (If you don't mind me asking)
Omg Sam, hi! 💕 I don’t mind you asking at all, I’ve missed talking to you so much, and I hope you’ve been doing great! :D <3 If you, or anyone else who is reading this for that matter, ever want to talk, then please, feel free to send me a dm :D I’m sorry for suddenly becoming inactive on here and leaving without explanation :( Sometimes when things just get too hard for me, I can’t even bring myself to talk or interact with people, both irl or online, so I just end up leaving, usually intending to take a small break, but I actually just end up staying away for several months without saying anything :( especially when I’m taking a break from drawing and I don’t have anything to post. I literally did the exact same thing like 3 years ago on Instagram and I have not talked to most of my friends on there since 😭😭😭💔 I keep letting them know that I’ll be active again soon, but since I’ve been taking a break from working on art and stuff, it’s really hard to find motivation to go on there when I have nothing new to post :’( Which sucks, because I really miss talking to all my friends there😭😭😭💔 (God, I really need to start being active on all my social media accounts again lol I don’t have very many but still lmao)
As for how I’ve been, I guess I’ve just been good :D I mean things can be kind of bad every now and again for my personal life but I’m graduating this year so things will most likely be a whole lot easier once I’m out of school, but even while I’m still in school everything is still pretty chill most of the time :D
But as for today, I’m sure you know what my new post is about :(((
And you know what, while I’m here, I might as well say what’s on my mind.
(LONG POST)
This is all just so mind-boggling.
I mean, I never really was a big fan of YandereDev, I was always more interested in his game and there were times where I was able to talk about it without bringing him up at all, just because he wasn’t relevant in whatever I was talking about.
I was neutral for a very long time, and I was, and still am, completely against people going out of their own way to harass him, trying to tell him how to make his game, send him pointless pictures/videos to waste his time, send him intense nsfw content, whether it be gore or something else, etc.
Because the way I see it, it’s completely pointless and time-wasting to focus on something you clearly do not like. And if you can’t talk about something you like without always bringing up the thing you hate about it, then chances are you’re just more interested in the thing you hate than the thing you “like.” And I would constantly see people who could not even talk about YanSim without mentioning how much they hated YandereDev. Specifying that you do not support him is one thing that I can understand, but constantly having to shit-talk him and his game at any given opportunity just got so old. (I may just be biased, however, because I just really hate having to read/see negative things, especially about my interests, just because it messes with me very mentally and emotionally.)
So in that case, I never interacted with hate posts, and I never tried to talk too much about any drama, especially because in most cases, drama is not really anyone else’s place to talk, since it involves other people and their opinions, experiences, feelings, etc.
I just wanted to focus on what I liked and share my interests with other people :) And at one point I truly hoped that everyone would leave him alone and let him work on his game, because up until this point, he hadn’t ever actually done anything extremely bad. (At least as far as I know, because even though there are so many videos about him and things he’s done I’ve never really watched any of them because like I said, I was just trying to avoid anything negative.)
I really enjoyed talking about the things and characters I liked, I had so many plans to make new art, concepts, and I even wanted to make art of my own takes on new uniforms, rooms, areas, and characters, just because that’s how much I loved this game. I made a lot of new friends because we both shared an interest over this game, and overall, I really just enjoyed being in this community. It made me so happy.
But I mean wow, he really fucked up. Sooo many people, volunteers, and workers have left. The development for the game was already incredibly slow, but this is just going to slow it down so much more. And what makes it so unbelievable to me, and to everyone else, is that none of us actually thought that he would stoop that low and do what he did. I actually thought that he knew better. I actually thought he was smarter. After all these years of people trying to take him down with false accusations, and with me believing that this would just be another example, I truly believed that he was not the person that so many people were falsely painting him out to be. (Because yes, all of those old accusations were not true.) But I was wrong. I was so wrong. I really really do feel so embarrassed that I actually believed that he was innocent all this time, but I mean, can you blame me? Like I said earlier, so many people made so many false claims about him, and they were never true. (As to my knowledge.) I remember he had even said that his house had been swatted before at least once, and that was what really made me believe that he truly was innocent, because I always thought that if he did actually have some gross stuff they would have found it right? I guess not. To be honest, I always just thought he was just this kinda weird dude with a weird sense of humor. I actually just thought that he only had very intense anger issues. (Which I still believe he does.) But we all know the truth now.
I’m so sorry to everyone who tried to tell me about his true self. I should have believed you.
I know I said that it’s not really my place to talk about drama, but as for this situation, all I can say to the victim is that: All of us who were in the fandom are so terribly sorry that that happened to you. Please take care of yourself and be safe.
And to YandereDev: I, and so many of us are all so unimaginably disappointed in you. I will say, however, that I am glad that you actually apologized, and took accountability to what you did wrong, but it doesn’t change and cannot change the fact that what’s happened, has happened. You are disgusting beyond belief, and you’ve let everyone down. The only thing I believe that you can do now is to just bow out gracefully. This is just something you cannot come back from.
I was surprisingly able to stay reserved throughout the day, despite hearing about everything literally just after I woke up, but just a few minutes ago I decided to check out some of my favorite YS YouTubers to see whatever input they currently had on the situation. Reuben W and Shinah Hoakin have already posted their goodbyes and have let everyone know that they are officially moving on. ReubenThePig080 has posted some information about the situation, but it doesn’t seem like he’s planning on leaving, or at least not yet. And Akira Shimizu hasn’t said anything about the situation yet, in fact I’m not even sure if she’s aware of it because it seems that she hasn’t been online on her YouTube channel for a few days now. Kubz Scouts hasn’t said anything either, but I know that he is eventually going to say something, and I am truthfully not prepared to hear what he has to say. And those are only a few YouTubers within hundreds who have been in this community. After seeing all of that, all of a sudden, all the realizations just hit me harder then I was ready for, and my emotions became uncontrollable. As ridiculous as it may sound, I just couldn’t help but break down into tears.
People who haven’t been fans of the game/in the fandom may not realize this, but everyone is so fucking shocked. This is like one big nightmare. None of us were expecting anything like this. None of us wanted something like this to happen. All any of us ever wanted was to have our cute little anime game full of our favorite characters and silly tropes. And now what’s going to happen? What’s going to happen to the story that has been being planned this entire time? What’s going to happen to all the characters that we’ve all grown to love over these several years? Especially the ones that only have a few sentences of personality? We were all so excited and prepared to see the characters develop and hear how the story would end. But now it just seems that all those years of work are going to fade into obscurity. This might really be the nail in the coffin. We are all so objectively heartbroken. My god, I still can’t believe this. I’ve been following the development of this game since I was young, and I’ve been trying to wait patiently all these years so that I could finally play the game. It can’t possibly end on a note as terrible as this. It just can’t.
At this point, my biggest hope for the future of this game is that YandereDev will just hand the game over to a different team, company, person, or anyone else that has more experience so that they can help take care of the much bigger responsibilities/problems that the game still currently has, and get this game completed. It would still be his game, kind of, but it would have new people in charge of it. It’s a slim chance, but maybe, just maybe if the game was under new control, some of the volunteers, artists, voice actors/actresses, etc. would be willing to lend their iconic talent and support to the game once again, since it would no longer in the hands of YandereDev. The game could also even be given better mechanics and models, it wouldn’t be so low-budget anymore, and it would most probably get competed much, much faster.
And who knows. Maybe with just enough luck, and by some crazy miracle, Yandere Simulator can be revived and be turned into a full, enjoyable, and successful game.
Like I said before, I’ve been taking a break from art for a while now, and I don’t plan on starting up again for a while, but when I do, I am still planning on making fanart of Yandere Simulator. Not only because it’s my art, and I get to draw whatever I want, but also because I should be allowed to continue drawing something if it helps me improve with my artwork. (Which Yandere Simulator has.) And I’m still so attached to the game’s characters, aesthetics, environments, etc. and I’m not sure how much longer I will be, but I still want to make art of the things I like. Also, just because I’m making fanart does not instantly mean that I’m supporting YandereDev. I haven’t given him any money ever in my life, and you don’t even give him any money when you play the game. (And I’ve never even had a chance to play the game anyway, and now, I may never get the chance.)
I know that it may seem as though I’ve been focusing more on the game then I have on the victim and what happened to her, and like I said, we all feel sorry and wish the best for her, but I believe that I and all the other fans of this game are allowed to grieve the very possible loss of something we were all so enthusiastic over, and something that was a big part of many of our lives.
Well, that’s all I have to say. Thank you to anyone who reads all of this I know it’s a lot lol
But I have to go now.
Stay safe everyone and take care ✌️<3
#Sorry no tldr for this one :(#I was gonna tag this properly#But I’m kind of scared to#So I’m just gonna leave it the way it is for now#Maybe later#Also sorry for the late reply :(#I was starting to reply to this after you had first sent it#But I decided that I needed more time to think about things#In fact I wrote most of this with my emotions still controlling me#I may have said some things that I may not agree with later#But I just can’t be bothered to check it right now#i’m so exhausted#but again thank you to anyone who had read this far :)#I have to go to bed now so gn zzz
1 note
·
View note
Photo
10/28/22: r/SketchDaily theme, "Inktober: Uh-Oh." Two (three) arts today.
Secondly: This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Inspector Louis Dobermann, without cap (top drawing) and with cap (bottom drawing). (The "Inspector" title is just honorary, BTW.) He's from old nobility and has some interesting secrets. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.
Regarding his design, he's a fawn-&-tan doberman pinscher; I always imagined him black (he's a very old character dating back to my childhood), but changed this at the last minute. The hat...well, that's complicated.
TUMBLR EDIT: Oh boy. Oh wow. INSPECTOR DOBERMANN! I've finally gotten around to him. Oh CRAP this one is going to be long. I'm sorry. ;_;
I've gone over this before, I know I have, but I'm not sure where. Can't find it in this blog. I did create a thread on Twitter. Here's part of it.
1. DOBEY IS HERE.
I missed a meal for this. Weird rambly piecemeal thread incoming.
2. Okay, first, if you're completely new to my Twitter & you come across this and are like "WTF, dog in a hat," this is my character Inspector Louis Dobermann, & this folder on Toyhou.se might give a bit of context. Or maybe not. Dunno.
3. The very very long story short is when I was a kid (I'm in my 40s now), I came up w/ a really stupid story idea featuring anthropomorphic rats & dogs, set in WWII Germany. No, that's not symbolic of anything, they were just rats & dogs.
C'mon, I was like ten or something.
4. I never developed this story much, & moved on to my other storylines most of my life. I briefly resurrected this story, "The Trench Rats," around 2000 but lost interest again, until around Nov. 2021.
The story suddenly decided to come back to life on its own.
5. Scads of new characters, development of old characters, & most importantly, PLOT started spewing out of my unconscious. It's still ongoing, a year later. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS. This has NEVER happened to me, I was sure this story was dead! But here we are.
6. Insp. Louis Dobermann is one of the original characters from the very oldest, very stupidest version of the story. OMG it was so bad I won't get into it here lest I be offensive. I probably am anyway. Let me just clarify this story is NOT meant as a comedy...
7. ...though yeah, it started out pretty goofy. I was around ten!
The current version has funny moments but is more a character drama than anything. Just w/ dogs & rats instead of humans. And set in WWII.
Dobey here has always been a main character.
8. I went around 30 years, however, w/out really knowing him.
His earliest iteration was a bumbling Nazi character, bcuz when I was around ten, Nazis were bumbling characters. I didn't know all of the dark side of WWII until later.
Dobey got darker too as time went on.
9. In my teens the story went thru a melodramatic phase. Dobey was no longer bumbling, he was a terribly ominous, possibly murderous character whose exact motivations were unknown.
He also had a daughter, Adelina. His wife, Inga, was deceased.
10. Eventually I lost interest & Dobey's background & motivations remained unknown to me...until late last year when the story resurrected on its own. New characters introduced themselves, & old ones told me their stories. Including Dobey. After 30 years!
11. Took you freaking long enough, Dobey!
There's more, though this suffices to set up how Dobey got started, and how he evolved from a goofy schoolyard caricature, to a mysterious baddie, to what he's become today.
Dobey has since told me a LOT about himself (go figure such a closed-off guy would spill his guts to me), and his story is still developing. Here we go. o_o
I'd suspected for a long time that Dobermann was some sort of disgraced nobleman, likely a baron. Well, he's indeed a sort of baron, most likely a "Freiherr." Disgraced, not so much--just somewhat down on his luck. I knew he lived on a vast country estate, a huge mansion surrounded by sprawling fields and scattered woodland, similar houses at a distance here and there. When I got online and renewed my interest in the series, I began to dig. I learned a little about the old Prussian Junker (that's YOON-ker, not JUNK-er) families, and the general description fit, down to the big open areas of land I'd pictured. The Junkers apparently used to employ people to farm and tend their land, though Dobermann had no farms in my imagination. I guessed his family must have lost much of their land and employees (if you could call them that, apparently such people were close to being slaves) and now the estate is reduced to basically a skeleton crew, most of whom are home staff who care for the house itself. There are horses and stables. I've since imagined that the Dobermann estate might have just enough land and manpower left to maintain a handful of farm animals (a pig appears in a humorous function, always chasing Sgt. Gerhardt, so perhaps there are some swine, sheep, geese?), most likely cows, to supplement the family's existing wealth by selling some dairy goods in a limited fashion. It's wartime, food is needed. (Although I always forget to include rationing in my story.) So, while I can't picture the Dobermanns with large tracts of cropland, it's plausible to me that they sell limited amounts of dairy goods, maybe wool and eggs, small things like that.
Louis von Dobermann himself is born a bit before the turn of the century. He's the younger of two sons and lives on the estate with the rest of his family, mother and father and father's brother. They're the last of the von Dobermanns; although they still wield quite a bit of political influence, the glory days of the big Junker families are past, and noble titles mean little. Although they've since forfeited much of their land, the von Dobermanns are comfortable and well off. They don't NEED to try to make a living doing anything else. Louis is a rather austere, spartan sort, however, and just resting on his laurels doesn't sit well with him, so he enlists in the army. Poorer Junkers frequently did this, apparently, so even though he's not exactly poor, such a thing isn't entirely out of line for his class. As his luck would have it, Germany goes to war shortly after, and Louis heads off to the front, leaving his family behind. I don't know many details of his service though I know he does relatively well for himself, is a good fighter, excellent (though aloof) at following orders and then at giving them, courageous, selfless, though you could never call him sociable and friendly. He serves well with others but doesn't really GET ALONG with anyone. Whenever they visit towns and taverns and whatnot, he keeps to himself, doesn't carouse, doesn't get drunk, doesn't go off with the local whores. He comes across as uptight and snooty but this is written off as him just being a typical Prussian. He earns some honors, rises through the ranks (not sure how far he gets, probably lieutenant or captain), does well. It's obvious he'll likely never be a career soldier, but nobody can complain about him. Oh, right--he also insists on being called Herr Dobermann, not Herr von Dobermann; that "von" is just a little bit TOO Prussian even for him, so he eventually drops it from his name.
One day late in the war, while separated from his unit, he finds another soldier seriously wounded and unconscious, hauls him up onto his back, and manages to get him across no man's land into the safety of a trench just as a shell explodes nearby, injuring him as well. For a while they stay there, Dobermann shielding the unconscious soldier with his own body as debris continues falling into the trench. It takes him a bit to realize he can't hear anything--the shell blast deafened him. When the rest of his unit finds him, he yells that he can't hear a word they're saying. They take him and the other soldier to safety, and they end up in a sort of military hospital, in the same ward but at opposite sides of the room. Dobermann's commanding officer visits him after his own injuries are tended to (he hates the "loss of control" feeling the morphine gives him and resolves to get off it as soon as possible); but he notices that nobody comes to visit the other soldier. He learns that not only was the rest of his unit killed--he's the last one left--but he apparently has no family, either; a nurse confides that his records reveal he was a ward of the state. He's all alone.
A letter arrives for Dobermann. It's one of the senior staff from his estate, with devastating news: The Spanish flu is sweeping the country, and many members of his household have fallen ill; the von Dobermanns themselves were hit especially hard. Despite the best efforts of the city hospital, all of them--parents, uncle, brother--succumbed to the illness. Just like that, Dobermann is the last of his name. Now he's all alone, as well.
Dobermann cries to himself for likely one of the very few times in his life. Then dries his eyes and asks for a pen and paper. He writes a letter back to his staff to let them know he's alive and as soon as his injuries heal enough he'll return. He also contacts the people in charge of the family's finances, and makes a sizable donation to the hospital and to the city government to aid in the efforts to deal with the pandemic. He then returns to resting and occasionally glancing at the other soldier, who hasn't regained consciousness yet. Mulls over what it must feel like to have always been alone, now that he's in a similar position.
A young woman, tall and graceful and with long shining black hair and kind brown eyes, arrives at his bedside and smiles and talks to him for a moment. Dobermann just stares at her. When she pauses for a response, he says rather loudly, "I can't hear you. The blast hurt my ears." She looks nonplussed, gestures for him to wait a moment, leaves. Returns with pencil and paper, writes something, shows it to him. INGA, it says. "Louis," he replies, and the two of them slowly get to know each other a little through Inga's written notes and Dobermann's terse replies. Eventually he asks her why she's talking to him; she explains that she often visits soldiers in the hospitals to offer a little companionship and encouragement. Dobermann points out the soldier at the other side of the room and says, "You may want to visit him, then, whenever he wakes. He has no visitors. I've been told he has no one." Inga agrees to go talk with him when he regains consciousness.
The next day when she visits, she brings Dobermann a book: a manual on sign language. She signs her name, and teaches him how to sign his. Dobermann is exceptionally attentive and has an excellent memory, so even while he finds this rather silly, he humors her, and repeats several of the signs she makes. She leaves the book with him and he studies it on his own as he has nothing better to do.
Later that night, he wakes to find a few nurses hurrying past, and looks to see that they're rushing to the bedside of the soldier he rescued--he's awake now, and writhing around in his bed, apparently yelling in pain. They manage to restrain him so the doctor can administer morphine, after which he gradually slips off again. A nurse tells Dobermann that he'd abruptly come to, screaming at the pain in his hip and begging to know what had happened to his leg--he seemed convinced he'd lost it, and no amount of reassurance from the doctor could convince him he was expected to fully recover. Now that the drama is past, Dobermann drifts back to sleep himself.
Inga continues visiting, dividing her time between the various patients, though Dobermann receives most of her attention. While he rests she goes to visit the other soldier, a young lieutenant, who's now awake, though heavily drugged; he seems confused when she introduces herself, but introduces himself as well, as Gunter Hesse. He confirms he's had no visitors as his unit was killed and his parents died not long after he was born. He, too, asks what she wants talking to him; like Dobermann he finds it odd that somebody should just visit and chat. He doesn't mind though, and she promises to continue visiting him. Not long after, when she visits Dobermann, he repeats her when she speaks aloud, and says that although it's still muffled, his hearing is returning. They set aside the notes and signing and just talk.
As the days pass it becomes clear, though no one directly says anything, that Dobermann and Inga are developing feelings for each other. When Dobermann is allowed out of his bed to get exercise, he and Inga walk around the hospital, and one day share a brief private encounter. Soon after, Dobermann presents her with a simple gold band: His mother had made him take it with him when he headed off to war, so he'd have a part of home with him. Now, he wants Inga to have it. It's terribly short notice, but Inga accepts, and the two are wed by a chaplain. When Inga next visits Hesse, he notices the ring on her hand; she tells him the news. He blinks in surprise, then offers her a smile and says congratulations; when she admits it was rather abrupt and she's not sure what she was thinking, he replies, "Sometimes you just know." As they chat she pretends she didn't notice the very subtle shift in his eyes before he smiled: He never says anything, but she can tell Hesse has fallen in love with her, too.
Dobermann is finally set to be released, though Hesse's injury is bad enough that he needs to remain for a while longer. Inga writes down the address Dobermann says they'll be going to and gives it to Hesse (he mentions it's located out in the country), and makes him promise to write if and whenever he feels the need to. He does so, to humor her, and they bid each other farewell. Dobermann has a nice big car with driver waiting, and having packed up some of her belongings, she gets in and they head off. She falls asleep as the drive is very long; Dobermann wakes her when they draw near to his home. She's puzzled when they stop at a gate to show ID and a guard welcomes Herr Dobermann before letting the car through--then she gapes. They're headed up a long drive to a HUGE mansion, miles of fields all around. Her confusion grows when they enter the house and are greeted by a large help staff who eagerly exclaim and crowd around Dobermann; when he introduces Inga as his wife, they seem just as stunned as she is (she realizes he hadn't informed them he'd be returning with someone), but then welcome her just as happily. An older man insists on his attention and Dobermann excuses himself to take care of some important matters while a female member of the staff takes charge of Inga. Inga wonders aloud what's going on, expressing her confusion about the vast household and large staff; Dobermann hadn't told her he was rich. The maid commiserates that he hadn't told them he'd be bringing home a wife, either, but it's a good thing, as now maybe the family name won't die out with him. "Family name?" Inga echoes, wondering why it matters so much; "Why ja, Frau Dobermann, the von Dobermanns," the maid says. "Von Dobermann?--his name is von Dobermann?" Inga says, getting even more bewildered.
Maid: "Ja, Frau Dobermann, Freiherr Louis von Dobermann."
Inga: "Freiherr?? He...he's a baron?"
Maid: "Ja, Frau Dobermann, they're Junkers...he didn't tell you?"
No, Dobermann definitely didn't tell her. When he finishes up with estate business and the two get to talk again Inga asks him why. "Would your answer have been different?" he asks; she thinks briefly before saying, "Nein, I really don't believe it would've been, but what's the point?--wouldn't I have been more likely to say ja?" to which Dobermann replies, "That's the point." He promises to be upfront with her from now on, and explains the situation a bit better: He's the last von Dobermann left, and while he didn't explicitly marry her with the intention of simply carrying on the family name, obviously that's a bonus that the help staff have latched onto. He confides that it doesn't matter to him whether they have children or not, he married her because he wanted her. Whatever happens next, happens.
Word spreads that Dobermann is home at last and visitors start coming. He might be only a minor Freiherr, but the von Dobermanns are apparently well known both in the countryside among their fellow Junkers and in the city, and the family has a reputation for philanthropy. Well, no wonder they're well liked. As the youngest of the family, Dobermann himself had been relatively unknown and nobody was sure how he'd act as head of the household (a position that was supposed to go to his brother); his actions while he was in hospital showed the direction he was taking, and representatives of the hospital and the city arrive to offer profuse thanks for the donations he'd made. They want to confer honors upon him to recognize the good he did. Dobermann is extremely ill at ease with this attention--he's not used to being in the limelight, and prefers to just do his thing without public recognition--but the authorities insist, and he rather unwillingly agrees to attend a small public ceremony. Here, he's presented with the honorary title of "Inspector," given a watchman's cap, and symbolically named the Watchman of the City; in addition he's informed of plans for a memorial at a future time. He finds all of this utterly stupid and insufferable but tolerates it, because diplomacy. This of course results in yet more visitors to the estate, and Dobermann resentfully dresses up for the part each time, even wearing "that stupid f**king hat." Inga finds his irritation amusing but helps out by accompanying him, and it turns out everyone loves her even more than her husband. Unlike him, she's charming, polite, and knows how to handle attention, which he definitely doesn't mind, so at the numerous gatherings they have to give and attend, she does most of the talking and socializing, while he continues working behind the scenes. It's an unexpected but beneficial arrangement.
After some time settling into this strange new life, Inga belatedly remembers Lt. Hesse, and wonders how he's doing, since he's never written. She visits the military hospital, but is informed that Hesse was discharged some time previously; following the armistice, the German army was greatly reduced, and both Dobermann and Hesse lost their military positions. She gets his address, and calls a car to go into the city to pay him a visit. The address is of a tiny apartment in a pretty low-rent building, and it finally occurs to Inga that Hesse isn't one of her or Dobermann's sort; he comes from a much poorer family, and while they left him enough savings to get by, that's pretty much all he's been doing, just getting by--he aged out of the orphanage that cared for him, no one ever adopted him, and now the military has left him on his own as well. Inga knocks at his door and calls his name but gets no response. It's unlocked, so she lets herself in--and finds Hesse slumped on his bed, unconscious from a morphine overdose. Alarmed, she barely manages to rouse him; he refuses to let her call a doctor--"Doctors are what got me here"--so she decides to call Dobermann instead, and bring Hesse back to their house. She has to leave the apartment and go to a nearby establishment to do so as Hesse has no phone (he barely has anything), and of course has to wake him again when she returns. She stays with him until Dobermann arrives, and they carry him downstairs and out to the waiting car; after expressing confusion over what Dobermann is doing there, Hesse completely passes out so Dobermann nearly drops him. They drive him back to the estate and get him settled in a room, and Inga waits for him to wake again.
Hesse comes to a while later, perplexed about where he is and why Inga is there; she explains things and he too had no idea Dobermann comes from money. He doesn't tell much about what's happened since they last talked; sensing his shame, she doesn't press. She insists on him staying with them at least until he's better. He expresses doubt about this plan, but doesn't argue much. Inga makes sure he's as comfortable as possible before leaving him alone.
(Privately, she wonders aloud to Dobermann what the appeal is, why someone like Hesse would so easily get hooked. Dobermann hesitates a moment before saying, "Imagine the time in your life when you felt safest and happiest, most protected and warm. Just purely loved, nothing else. Now make that tenfold. That still doesn't quite capture what it's like." Inga asks why, if he went through the same thing, it was so much easier for him and he didn't get hooked. "I don't like how it made me feel," he replies. "But then again, I've had a family, I've felt loved. I imagine if you've never had these things, it might be harder to let go.")
When Inga next visits Hesse, it's obvious he's starting to experience withdrawal; he sweats and shakes and chatters as if freezing, and can barely tolerate the pain in his hip. She pauses, leaves, returns with something, hesitantly holds it out to him. He sees the little case he keeps the needle and morphine in and pulls back. Inga says she won't stop him from using it if he has to, since he never actually agreed to quit; but he shakes his head and says he doesn't want it. "You did something for me," he says, "so now I'll do something for you." Inga tries to explain that he doesn't owe anything, but he insists on quitting cold turkey, and follows through. Inga continues to visit and tend to him through the next week of vomiting and chills and nausea and sweating and more vomiting. Lots of fun. He comes out the other side thin and weak and groggy, but alive. He (and Dobermann) had intended on him returning home afterward, but Inga coaxes him into staying a while longer ("until you feel a hundred percent") and he stays. He ends up becoming a sort of permanent guest, which makes both him and the asocial Dobermann somewhat ill at ease, though Dobermann never insists that he leave. Hesse isn't aware that both he and Inga know he loves her, but this fact isn't what bothers Dobermann--he isn't jealous, he knows Inga doesn't feel the same, and won't cheat on him. Rather, he can see Hesse's issues and character better than Inga can, and certain little details niggle at him. While he knows Hesse is trustworthy and wouldn't ever intentionally hurt any of them, he can also sense something dangerous beneath the surface, and suspects he could very well harm them without meaning to. Inga insists he's a good person, though, so he backs off, yet keeps his eyes open.
It isn't long before Inga becomes pregnant. She and Dobermann welcome a daughter, Adelina, to their home; while Dobermann and everyone else nickname her "Addy," Inga prefers to call her "Lina." She worries about how Hesse will react, but it's apparent almost from the start how much he loves the girl, even referring to her as "Lina" just as Inga does. When Inga awakens late one night, sure she'd heard the baby crying, she goes into her room but finds the crib empty; she quickly paces the halls in a near-panic, before coming upon Hesse seated in a chair by a window, asleep with Adelina (also sleeping) in his arms. He wakes and apologizes, explaining that as he was taking one of his customary late-night walks around the household (to exercise his hip), he heard the baby crying, and decided to take her with him; she fell asleep again as he walked and sang her lullabies. Although it doesn't quite sit well with Dobermann, Inga allows Hesse to look after and tend to Adelina whenever she and Dobermann are busy or don't immediately wake up. Hesse takes to this new role very well--he adores "little Lina," and looking after her gives him a new sense of purpose, as well as distracts him from his pain and loneliness. He doesn't view it as a chore at all. The result is that, although both Dobermann and Inga mean well and do their best, it's Hesse who plays the greatest role in raising Adelina, and Hesse is the one she grows closest to, eventually referring to him as "Uncle Gunter." Hesse even passes on the old tales he was told in the orphanage, of knights and maidens and honor and loyalty, and Adelina dreams of one day finding her own knight, the same as young Hesse had dreamed of finding a maiden.
Here's the aspect of Dobermann that bothered me most, and I keep considering modifying it, but it's his major flaw and I figure it's needed for his character. While he really does love Adelina...he's really not a good father. He isn't abusive, he's just not there. Despite him being the last of his name, and falling in love with Inga, the thought of actually raising kids seems not to have crossed his mind, and the result is he has no idea how to deal with her. His family was never particularly emotionally demonstrative (when his mother gave him her ring to take with him, he reacted with exasperation at how silly it was), so he never learned how to express love in a suitable way; it's just his luck that Inga understands him so well and isn't bothered by his coldness and general lack of affection. Addy isn't so fortunate; she views her father's distance as disapproval, and spends her life trying everything she can to earn his love. There's nothing for her to earn--Dobermann already loves her. But he doesn't know how to properly show it, and Inga is often busy dealing with her husband's personal and social dealings, so Addy ends up relying on Hesse for the love and attention she desires so much. And, likely because he knows exactly what it feels like, Hesse delivers. Addy is homeschooled by tutors, and they live in the middle of nowhere, and the nearest neighbors have no children, so she's close to no one aside from Hesse--he's literally her only companion, and he fills the roles of father, mother, uncle, mentor, friend, and playmate (and, when Addy gets older, potential husband) all in one. Dobermann and much of the help staff find it odd and unseemly that Addy spends so much of her time in the company of and playing with a man old enough to be her father, but Inga trusts him, and he really is good at it.
EDIT: Well cripes...only after I had finally finished this writeup, Dobey, Addy, and Hesse revealed additional details that I think provide some clarification for Dobey's parental attitude. A scene occurs where Addy describes a hazy memory to Gerhardt while Hesse is nearby, half listening.
Adelina: "When I was very little we all went to visit the city, Mama, Papa, and me...you know how when you're little, everything that looks normal now seems so big? The city was so huge and I was so small. I was all right while I was with Mama and Papa. But we got separated somehow...I ran all over that big big city calling for them...I couldn't find them anywhere...and everything looked so different, I couldn't find anything familiar...I just found the littlest spot I could find and I sat there and cried. I'd never been all alone before. It's the worst feeling in the world... Mama found me. Swept me up into her arms like an angel reaching down from heaven."
Hesse: (puzzled look)
Addy: "She held me so tight I thought she'd never let me go. I still feel that, her arms around me so tight, sometimes...then I open my eyes, and she's gone. I don't think I'll ever get used to it."
Hesse says nothing at the time, but later he addresses her privately.
Hesse: "Lina. That story you told before, about when you and your parents went to the city."
Addy: "You heard that?"
Hesse: "Is that truly how you remember it? What happened that day?"
Addy: "Ja, Uncle...why? Why would I make it up?"
Hesse: "It's just...that's not what I heard happened. I wasn't there but when you all returned, your mother told me."
Addy: "What do you mean?"
Hesse: "Your father found you. Not your mother. That's what I was told."
Addy is struck mute. She was POSITIVE Inga was the one who found her. But the more she racks her brain, the more the hazy childhood memory clears: It wasn't her mother calling for Lina and scooping her up and hugging her, it was Dobermann calling for Addy and picking her up and holding her. She can't understand why her brain rewrote the memory the way it did, but the reason is right there: With how cold and distant and uninvolved Dobermann is now, it's difficult to reconcile that with the panicked, concerned father from her childhood. Yet they're both the same Dobermann. What happened? Well...remember when Dobermann described the feeling of being on morphine to Inga, and how much he hated the feeling of the loss of control it gave him...? There are other situations that can give that feeling of a loss of control...including being a new father, taking care of your child. Sure, Dobermann was raised in a stuffy, emotionally closed-off atmosphere where showing too much feeling about anything was frowned upon, and this is pretty much his character...but he DOES still feel those emotions. I'm pretty sure this becomes clear eventually--he's not a sociopath--but it's even more complex than I'd thought. Marriage, and especially fatherhood, started to change him, to thaw the exterior and let out what was buried inside. He likely would have continued to mellow out and open up if circumstances had gone differently and if he'd been better emotionally prepared to deal with things. Nearly losing Addy in the city, however, was a turning point. There isn't quite a "loss of control" feeling the same as being a father who's lost his child (and in this case, he really does blame himself--Inga had left Addy with him for a few moments, and he got distracted)--like Addy says, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. And even though Dobermann does find her, and Inga doesn't blame him for the incident, he can't bear the way it made him feel, the loss of control, not just of the situation but of his feelings. It's like getting hit by a train, everything all at once--love, fear, rage, grief, relief, guilt--and just like the feeling of being drugged, it's too overwhelming, too much for him to handle on his own. Inga tries to convince him this is normal, this is what being a parent is like, and she's finding it out for herself, too--but she wasn't raised in the same stifled environment he was, she actually has mental resources she can draw on while he has no idea how to handle it. She's his partner, she promises to be there to help him through it; but he's been taught not to ask for help, to be self-reliant and figure out how to do things on his own. The only way he can think of to handle overwhelming emotion--both good and bad (because both extremes are equally discouraged)--is to avoid the stimulus in the first place. Which, in this case, means avoiding getting close to Addy. If he keeps her at a distance, he can't lose control, and to him this also means he's keeping her safe--because the last time he was too close to her he nearly lost her. He counts on Inga and, ironically, Hesse to directly care for her while he protects her from a distance. This likely helps explain why he tolerates Hesse's participation in raising his daughter even though he'd prefer if it were different; despite Hesse's efforts to be stoic, he's more in touch with his emotions than Dobermann is, and he's directly dealt quite a lot with loss of control (both in being a recovering morphine addict, and in being an orphan who had to depend on the state for his wellbeing), so even though he never had any family, he's better equipped to handle being a father. Although Dobermann dislikes Hesse, he relies on him to protect Addy in the way he himself is too insecure to.
Tl;dr, Dobermann has very strong emotions, and especially empathy...but his ability to deal with them effectively is severely impaired--he never learned how. And rather than learn how to cope with this, he chooses to avoid. This, rather than being cold and distant, is his character flaw--the fact that he decides it's better to keep his distance than to plow through the pain. To get a bit ahead of myself, he handles the Nazis and the Diamond Network in much the same way, trying his hardest to deal with them without directly dealing with them, because getting involved will mean a lot of unpleasant work he'd rather not deal with; it's only when Inga's actions force his hand that he finally acts. This also explains why later in the story, after Hesse has to dive into the water to pull Addy out when her own negligence causes her to nearly drown, Dobermann's only reaction is to snap angrily in Addy's face, "Foolish!" He's afraid and angry and loving and relieved all at once but all he knows how to safely show is the anger--because it keeps the distance between them. Of course, all Addy sees is the anger, so she has trouble believing he actually loves her. No way this person once swept her up in his arms like an angel reaching down from heaven, and held her like he'd never let her go. That must have been her mother. As time goes by and she and Dobermann grow further apart, her brain gradually rewrites the memory in a way that makes more sense, even though it isn't reality. It takes Hesse--who otherwise spends most of the series lying to and gaslighting Addy every chance he gets--to tell her the truth.
Anyway...
Slowly, the national atmosphere begins to change. A political party called the NSDAP (the Nazis) rises to power. There had already been ugly rumors about how and why Germany lost the war--"Idiots spewing nonsense," Dobermann had confided to Inga, "the generals knew we'd lost long before we actually did, they just didn't want us to know"--yet Hesse had taken a different path, believing the story that they'd been winning before being stabbed in the back by their enemies--and the enemy, according to the NSDAP in this case, is largely the Jews. He'd been quite bitter about this already when Inga had rescued him; his stay with the Dobermanns, caring for Addy, had tempered his anger considerably, but now it starts creeping back. And Dobermann's misgivings about his character start to make sense to Inga, although she tries hard to excuse his growing spite. He's her friend--he's kind, he's intelligent, he dotes on little Adelina--surely he can't fall for such hateful nonsense, surely this is a passing phase. Yet the more toxic the national fervor grows, the more toxic Hesse's attitude grows along with it. Although he doesn't attempt to indoctrinate Addy intentionally, this is what starts to happen anyway--she's so close to him that she picks up on all his little emotions and makes them her own. It isn't long before she starts parroting the same hateful ideals Hesse has developed; it's only Inga and Hesse himself (he actually is dismayed by this tendency) actively discouraging her from doing this that quiets her down, though the ideas are still there. She'd do anything for Uncle Gunter's approval, after all.
Not Hesse, not Addy, not even Dobermann himself have any idea WHY Hesse's attitude alarms Inga so much, why she's so desperate not to believe it. She never told Dobermann before or after they married, as it just didn't seem to matter at the time, she'd barely ever thought about it herself. Inga is Jewish, and the new laws being implemented endanger not just her, but Addy and Dobermann as well--Addy for being "Mischling," part Jew and not a full German citizen, Dobermann for breaking the race laws in marrying a Jew and fathering a mixed-race child. (A note on artistic license here, the category of Mischling has more nuance than I'm indicating here, plus at least initially these laws seemed to "grandfather" certain Jewish/non-Jewish marriages if they occurred before a certain date (sometime in 1935, I think?); Dobey and Inga married around 1919, give or take a year, so their marriage would've been valid, I believe. Not sure how well they stuck to this law, but it doesn't go exactly like that in my version of events. No grandfathering in mine. Plus all of this occurs slightly earlier than IRL.) She realizes she'll have to be extra careful now to never let anyone know, and this means she never knows for sure whether she'll even have the support of Hesse or Dobermann should the truth get out. I. e., her own husband could very well be her enemy now.
Hesse follows the news with growing interest and fervor. He's still angry about the army cutting him loose, so he doesn't want to rejoin, even if they'll have him. Multiple paramilitary groups have started springing up, though, and he thinks he might like to join one of them, but he's not in great shape; he's grown a little soft from his injury and living in ease at the Dobermann estate. He determines to get back in shape. He diets, exercises, and attempts to completely turn his mindset around--ironically, to be more like Dobermann's, rather severe and stoic. No more moping or slacking off. He gets in good enough shape (even overcoming his limp) to apply to and be accepted into the SS-Verfügungstruppe (soon after renamed the Waffen-SS) just in time to go back into combat as war breaks out. (Remember, the war is timed and plays out differently here.) (There's also another liberty taken regarding SS physical requirements. Hesse is farsighted (hyperopia), requiring glasses to see things up close. The SS would almost certainly have rejected him for this so early on; they relaxed their requirements further as time went on, though not at this point. For some reason an exception is made here though I'm unsure why, it's never mentioned, except later when Hesse transfers and his new boss Col. Heidenreich remarks that Hesse's glasses aren't ideal but the rest of his qualities make up for it. Perhaps his service in the Great War sways them a bit.) Adelina is devastated when he breaks the news that he'll be heading off to the Eastern Front (Germany and Russia become enemies far sooner in this timeline); Inga is both heartbroken, and strangely relieved--the former because she'll miss him AND he's definitely sided with the Nazis, the latter because at least it might break his hold on Adelina. Dobermann is just glad to be rid of him finally.
While Hesse is away, he does keep in touch with both Inga and Addy, writing letters. Addy keeps watch for him to return at first, before realizing he's going to be gone for quite a while; she grows depressed, and Inga tries hard to be there for her, to fill the void. Meanwhile, Dobermann is dealing with a new problem: The Nazi Party has started courting him. A lot of the big Junker country houses have numerous hidden passages and rooms and it occurs to the Nazis in the newly formed Wehrmacht that these could be quite strategically advantageous for them in combating the issue of partisans and resistance members, which have also been on the rise. Dobermann is well known to them for his generous donations to the city as well as his previous service, and they assume he has a strong nationalist streak because of this; Nazi officials start paying him visits, wheedling and cajoling for access to his property. Surely a patriot and fellow traveler like Herr Dobermann would be willing to help the cause? Dobermann is dumbfounded by the attention and unsure how to respond--mainly because the Nazis have completely misjudged him. He's NOT a nationalist (as his earlier criticism of the German army made clear), he despises the Nazi leadership, and he's especially unsettled by the stories he's been hearing about them attacking Jewish-owned properties and starting to confine various people in camps. He served with Jews in the Great War, they defended Germany just as much as he did, so this shift in public attitude makes no sense to him. He even privately, to Inga, refers to the Nazis as "preening clowns"; but for the most part, he's very careful with how he speaks. An old acquaintance of his who also served in the previous war, who's now a commanding officer in the Wehrmacht yet not a member of the Nazi Party, warns him that the Nazis are keeping very careful track of who's on their side or not, and this includes speech against the Third Reich. Dobermann better watch what he says and does, lest he trigger suspicion that he's not faithful enough to the Nazi cause; considering that even Jewish Germans who served faithfully in the Great War are now being put out of business, confined to ghettos, and transported to camps for "reeducation," his own position as a Junker definitely won't be enough to protect him this time.
The Nazis just get pushier with their requests; Dobermann doesn't dare turn them down outright, but he tries to think of ways to put them off longer. Although he detests it, he hosts more gatherings and parties at his estate to placate the richer Nazis who are easily impressed by his wealth and influence; he lets them tour carefully selected parts of his house, sits with them in the parlor and lets them talk and drink until they're blitzed, and gives just the right platitudes for them to believe he's on their side and plans to offer his support at some future time. Inga, ever the graceful socialite, helps greatly in this effort--men are instantly smitten with her, and just a smile makes them think they have a chance at anything; at the very least, she's a good distraction. She isn't completely sure where her own husband's loyalties lie--she's aware that he thinks the Nazis themselves are idiots, but for all she knows, he's perfectly in line with their views on the Jews, so she's constantly on edge. Nevertheless, even she sees the usefulness in staying on their good side while keeping them at arm's length, so she goes along with the ruse, no matter what Dobermann's motivations might be.
His old connections to the German army come in useful, as well. When the Nazi officials get too bold for him to handle delicately, he requests assistance, and it comes in an unusual form. A handful of Wehrmacht officers who are not affiliated with the Nazi Party arrive to help patrol his estate and keep their fellow officers, as well as party officials, at bay. Most are either older soldiers from the Great War, who aren't as fit at serving on the front lines as before, or younger soldiers who show better organizational than combat skills. Dobermann is vaguely familiar with an older sergeant named Alger Holt, and puts him in informal charge of the others. They man the front gate of his property, taking over checking IDs from the previous guards; walk the perimeter of the property to watch for any trespassers; and patrol the interior of the house, being particularly vigilant whenever there are visitors. Whenever anyone gets too pushy, they politely but firmly step in and if necessary escort them from the property. The fact that this new security detail belongs to the Heer itself lends it an air of credibility and faithfulness to the state, so this arrangement, however odd it may be, proves to be quite helpful.
Several years in, a letter arrives addressed from an SS hospital: Hesse has been wounded. He's again expected to make a full recovery, yet the injury is serious enough to keep him out of combat for an extended period, so there's the insinuation that his military career is over. Addy is overjoyed to learn "Uncle Gunter" will be returning after so long; Inga is relieved that he's survived. Dobermann doesn't like the thought of him coming back to stay with them again, but keeps his thoughts to himself. They have to wait until his condition is stable enough to travel, then the trip via train is a long one, so it's a while before he arrives; Addy is right there waiting at the gate once a covered truck is spotted rambling up the road to the estate, and as soon as Hesse exits the back she throws her arms around him, making him exclaim aloud and almost fall over--Inga has to pull her back to let him regain his balance. He's thinner but more muscular than she remembers him, his face gaunt and his eyes glassy, and he supports himself on a crutch--turns out his left hip was injured, similar to before. Despite his obvious exhaustion, he expresses amazement at the sight of Addy: "You've grown up!" Embarrassed, Addy grabs his duffel bag before he can stop her and lugs it off; Inga hugs him and welcomes him back. (Dobermann is away in the city.) Hesse is perplexed by the presence of Wehrmacht troops at the estate, so Inga explains the situation; apparently concerned, he offers to help ward off the Nazi officials himself, reasoning that his position in the SS might lend him more authority. Inga is surprised by this offer, yet insists that he's there to rest and recuperate and not to worry about it. They catch up a little bit on their way in, Hesse confirming that his time in the Waffen-SS is over; Inga says, "I know it's not the outcome you wanted, but I'm glad you're back." She reaches out to touch his face--something she's done in the past, at which he usually placed his hand over hers--except this time he flinches away and doesn't let her; she can tell he still has feelings, but something between them has fundamentally changed. He heads to his old room to take a nap and she promises to bring him a drink and wake him for dinner. When she visits his room a few minutes later with a pitcher of ice water, she finds him already asleep atop the covers, still fully dressed--even in his boots.
Dobermann returns and they all eat dinner together--Hesse looking bemused at the several Wehrmacht guards who join them--before relaxing on the patio for a bit; Addy begs Hesse to tell her all about what fighting in a war is like, though he demurs, and Inga privately tells her to give him some time. Eventually they head off to their rooms; Inga goes to check on Hesse again, and again finds him sleeping already, though this time he undressed and covered up. His chest is visible--Inga sees that he sports a tattoo now, a large Totenkopf--skull-and-crossbones--across his breast. This is one of the symbols of the SS. She leaves, suddenly feeling very uneasy.
Hesse settles back into everyday life at the estate and things go much as they had before, just with troops around; he follows up on his offer, and a few times helps dissuade visiting Nazis from pestering Dobermann. A horse trailer arrives--he'd requested ownership of his SS horse, Gewitter, and Addy is over the moon ("You have a horse, Uncle Gunter??"); she brushes and fawns over the mare and literally jumps for joy when Hesse says she can ride her later if she'd like. Dobermann watches all this with arms crossed and a skeptical look; Hesse requests a stall in the stables and promises to cover the expense--he's not indigent anymore, as the SS takes good care of its members. Dobermann just stares sourly at him for a moment before waving it off; he doesn't care if Gewitter is housed for free.
Then, some weeks later, comes an official-looking envelope, addressed from SS intelligence headquarters; Inga uneasily takes it to Hesse. Hesse looks rather uncomfortable himself as he opens it and reads the letter within before handing it to her to read, and explaining the situation: While he was in hospital, the SS doctor who treated him noticed how gloomy he was at the prospect of leaving the Waffen-SS, and suggested that he transfer to a different branch, instead--the intelligence division of the Allgemeine-SS, the non-combatant branch headed by Rupprecht Heidenreich, was looking for new members. Hesse requested a transfer, but didn't wish to tell the Dobermanns until he was sure whether it had gone through or not. The letter informs him his application has been accepted. Misinterpreting the growing distress on Inga's face, he tries to reassure her that it's merely a desk job, boring, nothing dangerous; all he'll be doing is keeping records, investigating issues involving his fellow SS officers, making sure the race laws are being followed--nothing she or Adelina need worry about. Of course all this does is fill her with even more dread. Addy is saddened to learn that with Hesse's new job comes a new place to live, an SS-provided apartment in the city; but he promises to visit frequently and stay with them now and then. Dobermann has no complaint about Hesse going to stay elsewhere, though he does share a few words about his new job itself: "Ridiculous," he mutters, then when Inga asks what he's talking about, "Keeping tabs on everyone. You think everyone's a criminal, it says a lot about you, especially when you're the one making the laws." He refuses to elaborate further when Inga presses, and changes the subject.
Hesse visits the city for an interview and a meeting with a tailor to be measured for his new uniform; it arrives and he tries it on, then shows Addy, who ohh's and ahh's over the all-black tunic and breeches and cap and boots, and especially the honor sword he's earned--"You have a horse and a sword now, Uncle Gunter, just like a knight!" Inga and Dobermann are more restrained in their reactions; Dobermann hates the uniform but bites his tongue, while Inga, well, obviously she hates it too, especially since Dobermann has confided in her a few times about stories he's been hearing regarding what the SS actually does. (Remember those camps? The SS runs them.) Adelina's admiration is particularly unsettling, and again, Inga is somewhat relieved when Hesse returns to the city, but fears the thought of what he'll be doing all day. The SS has been compiling a massive collection of records on all German citizens, especially the Jews, and she can't help but wonder if her name's in there somewhere.
Hesse still visits and stays over at times; his attitude toward her doesn't change, so Inga starts to find it hard to believe he could ever turn on the family. He doesn't even express nearly the same amount of nationalistic spite as previously. She has no idea that he's merely getting good at dividing his life in two, keeping his intelligence duties out of sight. Several more Wehrmacht troops arrive to keep watch over things, including a young Junker private named Konrad Helmstadt, who pretty much takes charge of the household; he's organized and efficient, and despite not getting along well with Hesse (he also hates the SS), the two of them do a decent job keeping nuisances away, and he's respectful toward Dobermann. On the other hand, pressure steps up on Dobermann to "make nice" with prominent Nazi officials, as he isn't seen as quite patriotic enough; he swallows his irritation and accepts the suggestion that he "befriend" an especially well-known SS officer, Lt. Col. Ernst Dannecker, the commandant of the nearby labor camp.
(THIS HERE IS A NEW PLOT POINT BTW, WOOT WOOT.)
Both the camp and Dannecker have very nasty reputations, and Dobermann is very reluctant to follow through, but does so anyway: "If they see you're friends with a snake like Herr Dannecker," Sgt. Holt reasons, "perhaps they'll be inclined to stop bothering you for a while." Dobermann and Inga invite Dannecker to come visit, and he accepts. Inga and Addy greet Dannecker when he arrives with his stepdaughter Margarethe (he claims his wife and other stepchildren weren't able to come). Lots of polite hallos but the Dobermanns can't stand him from the start, with his oily smile and manner and his hard eyes and the odd way he acts toward Gret, who's even wearing a black dress that nearly matches his uniform. The whole thing is very weird but they welcome the Danneckers into the parlor and Dobermann comes to greet them as well. Addy offers to show Gret around the house (they're closer in age than anyone else she's met, so she hopes they'll get along); Gret doesn't respond until Dannecker says, "Go along, Gret dear, it's all right; have fun." Addy shows her various rooms she thinks might be interesting, though Gret maintains the same blank, speechless demeanor the whole time; it starts to unnerve Addy. When Addy says, "I like very much your dress, it looks like your stepfather's uniform!" Gret gives her a look that makes her wilt. She finally shows a bit of personality when they come across Hesse's room--his door was accidentally left open, and he forgot to take his second uniform with him into the city. Addy explains this is "Uncle Gunter's" room and she doesn't think they should go in. "Your uncle is SS?" Gret asks--the first words she's spoken aside from "Hallo" and "Ja, Papa." Addy says he is but "He's not really my uncle." "He's not here tonight, he's in the city; he works for the Allgemeine-SS," she adds, hoping she's found a similarity between them. "Papa works for the SS-Totenkopfverbände," Gret says; Addy's never heard of them, so Gret clarifies, "They run the camps. Papa has his own camp, and all kinds of prisoners, Jews and Zigeuner and all, and if you don't respect him, he'll shoot you." Addy is like, "Um...all right." o_o Gret then turns to her and says, "I've heard houses like this are full of hidden passages," and Addy perks up and says, "Ja, it is! You'd like to see some--?" and shows her one close to her own room; "There are so many of them, we don't even know them all." "It's rather small," Gret says, peering inside; then, an especially strange comment: "The one Papa showed me is much, much bigger. You could scream down there, and no one would hear you." Addy starts to explain that the passages have to be small to fit between the walls when Gret cuts her off with, "I'd like to go back to Papa now, bitte," and that's it. Addy leads her back to the parlor, then excuses herself, utterly weirded out.
Dobermann and Inga, meanwhile, have been chatting--so to speak--with Dannecker. He does most of the talking since Dobermann isn't that skilled at smalltalk. Dannecker finally says, "Why is it, exactly, that we're here right now? What exactly are you looking for?" "Looking for...?" Dobermann echoes, to which Dannecker replies, "What sort of favor do you want?" He's not stupid--he knows he isn't there to just socialize. "No favor," Dobermann says, then, "I doubt you have anything I would want." Inga hisses under her breath, "Louis!"--but Dannecker just starts laughing and says, "I like when someone speaks plain. So then why are we here? If not a favor, what is it you want?" Dobermann takes a big risk--likely just because he finds the commandant so unlikable and is getting fed up with it all--and replies, "I've been told I have to make nice with people like you, to get in good with the Reich." Inga nearly crawls out of her skin at that, but all Dannecker does is smile and say, "I knew it wasn't because you particularly enjoy my company. Your lovely wife looks about ready to run away and never come back." He ignores Inga's stricken look, clasps his hands, and leans toward Dobermann, saying, "So--how best might we benefit each other? I scratch your back and you scratch mine...?"
Well, it positively skeeves the Dobermanns out, but Dannecker's friendship does come with a bonus--the Nazis settle down and drop their mutterings about Dobermann's devotion to the Third Reich. Dannecker, meanwhile, benefits from Dobermann's pristine reputation as Watchman of the City, distracting somewhat from his own unsavory reputation. They have to socialize now and then to keep up appearances, though Dobermann insists to Inga that he'll meet with the commandant on his own turf since he can't stand having him in his house. (Addy doesn't mind her aborted friendship with Gret: "So...creepy, with her blank face and her little goosestep," she tells her mother, "like a spooky little china doll.")
This results in Dannecker inviting him to tour the camp itself; Dobermann puts this off for a while but finally relents. Oh God does he HATE it. Dannecker's camp isn't a death camp, but it has its fair share of deaths and executions, so that it has its own crematorium; the yard is almost always muddy, and conditions are harsh, with Dannecker being so well known for psychologically tormenting his prisoners that he's earned the nickname Der Teufel (the Devil)--even his own guards are afraid of him and his unpredictable mix of casual amusement and hair-trigger rage. He's always polite with Dobermann, however, including as he shows him the camp--of which he seems inordinately proud--and casually points out the ovens for burning bodies and the place where prisoners periodically line up to be sent right, to work, or left, to execution via firing squad. Such a line has formed while Dobermann is there--current prisoners being assessed for their continued usefulness, rather than new arrivals--and Dobermann is allowed to look at the logbook of the officer sending them left or right. It lists names, numbers, offenses, birthplaces, professions. He notices one name, SCHÄFER, TOBIAS, with the words JUDE and ARZT, as well as the notation LINKS--"Left." "This one is a doctor...?" he asks, and after receiving the affirmative, asks Dannecker to point him out; Dannecker complains that he doesn't know one Jew from another, though when Dobermann shows him the name, he realizes he does vaguely know this one--he points out a slight, bespectacled man huddled with the group awaiting execution. Why is he about to be shot? He slightly hurt his arm, and is no longer fit for heavy work. Seems like quite a piddly reason. Dobermann asks, "Why do you not employ this one in the medical ward, like the other camps do?--it seems like a waste to kill a doctor." Dannecker bristles at the suggestion and briefly drops his smarmy facade: "We employ good Germans only--not Jews! You're insane if you think I'd let one put his filthy hands on anyone else." Dobermann bites down his first reaction, takes in, and lets out a breath.
Dobermann: "How much do you want for him?"
Dannecker: (dumbfounded) "You...want to buy him?"
Dobermann: (stare)
Dannecker: (pause) "I don't need money, the SS pays me very well."
Dobermann: (stare)
Dannecker: (pause) "I couldn't help but notice your household possesses a rather fine collection of antique tapestries."
Dobermann: (frowns) "You want a tapestry?"
Dannecker: (smiles) "My choice."
Dobermann: (pause) (holds out his hand)
Dannecker: (smiles wider, shakes his hand) "We have ourselves a deal, then."
Dobermann stands there and watches as Dannecker saunters over to the group of prisoners, calling out, "Herr Doktor." The prisoner doesn't even look at him. Dannecker gets a sour look and says, louder, "Herr Doktor," gets no response. It's only when he gets right in the prisoner's face and yells, "HERR DOKTOR!" that he finally reacts, gasping and flinching back; Dannecker points at Dobermann, in a poor mood now, and says, "Go with him." Schäfer hesitates, obviously confused, so Dannecker kicks at his leg and he hurries toward Dobermann. Then stops. Dobermann notices how he never reacts to Dannecker in the slightest until the commandant gets in his face, in his line of sight, this time smacking him with his crop and repeating, "Go--with--him," slowly, as if he thinks Schäfer is an idiot. Dobermann gestures for him to follow, and as they exit the gate--Schäfer peering around himself anxiously--Dannecker calls out, "I'll be by soon for my tapestry!"
(He later ends up choosing one of a pair of tapestries, an angel and a devil. The devil tapestry amuses him--he's fully aware of the nickname everyone has for him--and he cheerfully leaves with it.)
Dobermann's driver is perplexed when Dobermann lets a Jewish prisoner into the car before getting in himself, but he doesn't explain. As they drive away, Dobermann gestures to capture Schäfer's attention, then with his hands he signs, YOU ARE DEAF? Schäfer, surprised, confirms this (and that he can also read lips), then asks, "How did you know?" Dobermann explains the little signs he saw back at the camp; Schäfer responds that Dannecker never found out that he was deaf, he managed to hide it so well--otherwise, he would have been executed immediately as a disabled defective, rather than put to work. Dobermann then asks if he's indeed a doctor. "I was," Schäfer says, "until they made it illegal." He asks why Dobermann saved him, and Dobermann says he needs an in-home physician at his estate; when Schäfer protests, "But--I'm no longer allowed to practice, it's the law," Dobermann replies, "Under my roof, you're allowed. It's my law."
Inga, and Addy, are also surprised when Dobermann returns with his unusual guest. Dobermann briefly explains things; the two women look at Schäfer curiously, and Addy, who to her knowledge has only ever heard about but never met a Jew, asks in all sincerity, "Do you eat babies...?" Aghast, Inga rebukes her, and offers to get him something to eat from the kitchen (Schäfer wasn't in the camp very long, but he's quite thin and gaunt and spattered with mud); she leads him there while Dobermann has a few words with Holt and Helmstadt about the situation. "I don't remember the details very well, I'm not sure if it's all kosher," Inga apologizes when she brings him some food; the comment puzzles Schäfer but he tells her he doesn't mind, and scarfs down the food ravenously. She returns him to Dobermann, who leads him off to a guest room to stay in for the time being. As they walk up the hallway, Schäfer suddenly shrinks in on himself and cowers behind Dobermann; Dobermann looks at him, then forward again. Hesse, in full uniform, is approaching from ahead. He greets Dobermann, sees Schäfer, furrows his brow a little: "What's this?" "This is Herr Schäfer," Dobermann replies, "and he's going to be the home physician." Hesse blinks in surprise--then his expression shifts into such unbridled hatred that Schäfer cowers again. As if Schäfer isn't even right there, Hesse hisses under his breath that Dobermann needs to return Schäfer to the camp right now.
Hesse: "What are you thinking? Forget about this nonsense. You can employ any good German doctor you want!"
Dobermann: "As far as I'm aware, he is German."
Hesse: "You know exactly what I mean!"
Dobermann: "I do, and that's why I'd like you to hold your tongue."
Hesse: "You're breaking the law!"
Dobermann: "And you're a guest in this house. If you don't like the way I do things, you're free to leave. Go ahead and report me if you'd like, but you'll have to report Herr Dannecker, too. I doubt he'll appreciate that. Now excuse us, but I'm getting Herr Schäfer set up in his room."
Schäfer gets only Hesse's part of this exchange since he's standing behind Dobermann. He has no idea WTF is going on, just that there's an SS officer in the house, he and Dobermann seem familiar with each other, and he wants Schäfer to go right back to the camp. Hesse glares at Dobermann, shoots Schäfer an ugly look, and spits on the floor before turning and stalking away. Dobermann gestures at the trembling Schäfer to follow and gets him to his room, briefly going over how they'll get him some new clothes (he's still in his striped prison uniform), medical equipment as soon as he's settled in, and will rig up his room so he can tell when someone is at his door. He points out the bathroom so Schäfer can wash up, and a dumbwaiter to deliver food and other items if he requests, though he'll be eating dinner with the family later that night, as "You're part of the household now, best get used to it." He leaves to give Schäfer some privacy. Schäfer tentatively runs the hot water, then washes up, and it feels so good he nearly cries. He checks the dumbwaiter out of curiosity and finds that a fresh change of clothes, approximately his size, has already arrived, along with a pitcher of ice water and a light snack with a note from Inga about dinner later. He actually forgets about the run-in with Hesse for a bit, he's so overwhelmed with gratitude, it all feels like a dream. There's just one odd thing...while examining the dumbwaiter, he notices an irregularity in the wall, and realizes there's a hidden passage. He decides to say nothing about it.
Inga arrives to escort Schäfer to dinner, and explains that Hesse is a family friend, news which alarms him; she tries to reassure him that he'll cause no trouble, but Schäfer is understandably skeptical. Dinner goes incredibly awkwardly. Schäfer is invited to the family table; the Dobermanns are fine with it, Holt and the handful of other Wehrmacht guards who eat with them are curious but make no complaint. But then Hesse arrives, sees Schäfer, and is livid--so much so that Dobermann actually leaves the table to argue with him in the neighboring room. "I won't eat supper with some dirty Jew!" Hesse snaps, at which Dobermann curtly replies, "You're welcome to eat elsewhere, then." They stare each other down, then Hesse storms off, back to his room. When Dobermann returns and says Hesse won't be joining them, Schäfer is mortified; despite Dobermann's and Inga's protests, he insists on going to eat in the kitchen with the staff. Exasperated, Dobermann goes to Hesse's room to tell him, "You're free to come eat at the table, the dirty Jew granted your request and won't be joining us." Hesse sulkily returns and neither he nor the Dobermanns talk throughout the entire meal, Dobermann being angry and disgusted, Inga ashamed and embarrassed, Addy confused and uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Schäfer is welcomed into the kitchen with open arms, and the help staff ply him with so much food, including leftovers to take back to his room, that this time he does burst into tears, crying, "Vielen Dank, vielen Dank."
(Aside: Feel free to compare the dialogue and details here with Schäfer's entry, to see differences based on my faulty memory and developing events. Most of this, including the rest, is not set in stone yet, and I often prefer not to look back lest I get caught up in reading old entries.)
Hesse is left fuming over what to do. He does end up visiting Dannecker, who confirms Dobermann's story. When Hesse stresses that what he did was illegal and there could be consequences, Dannecker first looks surprised, then gets that trademark smirk of his and says, "And what are you going to do about it, Kamerad? I hear that last complaint of yours didn't go so well, did it?"* Dannecker is referring to an incident that occurred while Hesse was serving in the Waffen-SS, when he filed a complaint against his commanding officer for making a sexual advance; this of course went to the Allgemeine-SS for investigation, but after a few questions they refused to pursue the case, due to the high standing of Hesse's CO. Hesse ironically had to request a recommendation from his CO when he applied to join...the Allgemeine-SS, the same branch that turned down his complaint. Recalling how this went absolutely nowhere other than embarrassing him, Hesse decides there's no benefit in pursuing an official complaint against Dannecker or Dobermann, both of whom outrank him literally and figuratively, and he'll have to think of something else instead. Another strongly worded demand to Dobermann goes nowhere, and Dobermann warns him that he better not try again. Appealing to Inga is just as fruitless--she insists she has no say in the matter, and surely it's not so bad?--as long as he's on their property, Schäfer is causing no trouble. This gives Hesse an idea about the last feasible thing he can do: He goes to Dobermann and says that if he insists on flouting the law, Schäfer will have to remain on the Dobermann property only, and he has to wear the Judenstern, the yellow star badge, on himself at all times--"I can't protect you, or him, otherwise." This time, Dobermann is livid; but he doesn't argue, as he knows he's pushing his luck. He tells Inga, who asks to inform Schäfer herself; she sews a yellow star by hand and goes to tell him Hesse's demand. Schäfer has been agonizing about Hesse's presence--"He'll send me back to the camp, and you can't stop him"--so to hear that all he has to do is wear the star is an immense relief.
(*This is so weird, I could swear I already shared a version of this event, with different dialogue--Dannecker saying something like, "Go ahead and try, Kamerad, see how far you get"--but I can't find it. Hm.)
The situation takes an unexpectedly beneficial turn not long after when Hesse is seriously injured and Schäfer successfully treats the injury; he then makes the mistake of giving Hesse morphine. When Inga tells him why he shouldn't have done this, he's positive he'll be sent away. Despite Inga's suggestion that he leave Hesse alone now, he returns with a sedative--Hesse is already in withdrawal, shaking and sweating and miserable, and he weakly slaps Schäfer's hand away, saying, "No more needles!" Schäfer explains that it's nonaddictive and will help him sleep, and leaves it for him to take himself; when Inga arrives in the morning, she finds the syringe empty and Hesse sleeping soundly. He returns to the dinner table after a few days, and when Schäfer--who's been eating with the Dobermanns in his absence--starts to get up to go to the kitchen, Hesse urges, "Stay, bitte?" He doesn't address Schäfer after that, but also doesn't complain about his presence, and the evening goes peacefully. The ice between the two very slowly thaws, with Schäfer helping treat Gewitter when she comes down with colic, and Hesse even learning sign language to communicate with Schäfer, stomping his boot twice against the floor to get his attention when needed. The Dobermanns never would have expected it, but the two develop a cautious friendship, having to keep a certain distance out of necessity but otherwise getting along unusually well.
Dobermann couldn't have known the far-reaching consequences of his split-second decision to rescue Schäfer from Dannecker's camp. Not long after Schäfer goes to live with them, Dannecker is murdered in a prisoner escape; the ringleader, who executed Dannecker via his favorite intimidation method--Russian roulette--is Josef Diamant, a former jeweler-turned-document forger who was tortured by the SS and then imprisoned. It turns out he collaborated with Margarethe Dannecker herself to do the deed, and even stole Dannecker's dress sword for her, as a trophy. Dobermann is stunned by this news, but not too surprised; the truly surprising thing is how they pulled it off. Too bad Addy forgot all about that weird comment Gret made about a secret passage in the camp...now hidden, BTW, by a devil tapestry. In any case, Diamant and his fellow escapees soon become the core members of a budding but rapidly expanding coalition of former prisoners, refugees, partisans, and others persecuted by the Nazis, as well as sympathetic German citizens. Against Diamant's wishes this becomes known as the Diamond Network, and one of the things it takes the best advantage of is the systems of hidden passages within city buildings and Junker homes. They learn which Junkers are sympathetic to their cause and make contact, fixing up and expanding the passages to provide safe travel and exit into the countryside.
At least one of the smaller estates within walking distance of the Dobermann property grants the Network permission to use the house, so members often pass by the Dobermanns' land itself. One has the misfortune of stepping in an old abandoned trap and getting caught one evening. She has the good fortune of being discovered not by one of the Wehrmacht guards, but by Dr. Schäfer, who's strolling around the property edges...looking for old traps to disarm. He reassures her he won't hurt her, pointing to his Judenstern, and hurries back to the house to fetch his medical bag. The two of them manage to pry off the trap and Schäfer attends to the injury--the bone isn't broken--before letting her go with the promise that he won't tell anyone they met. She's the one who tells, and soon after, Schäfer runs into Diamant himself. I'm not sure if they were in Dannecker's camp at the same time, but either way they've never met, and since there's no good likeness available of Diamant, Schäfer doesn't know who he is until he explains--then it's pretty obvious. He thanks Schäfer for helping, and says there's another way he can help: By gaining the Network access to the Dobermann house. There's a significant gap in their version of the Underground Railroad and the estate would go a long way toward filling it in. Schäfer wants to help, but is terribly anxious; he loves the Dobermanns and doesn't want to get them in trouble. Diamant gives him some suggestions on how to go about doing it and minimizing the impact on the family--they don't have to know--so Schäfer agrees to try. His best bet is getting the help staff on board.
He joins the staff as they're working and chatting one day, and after some careful conversation is able to judge the atmosphere: Most of them seem disdainful of the Nazis (they often ridicule the estate's visitors) and sympathetic toward the Jews and other prisoners. Schäfer selects the most trustworthy seeming of them for a small private talk; he takes a risk and asks if they'd be willing to help funnel fugitives through the house, using the hidden passages. One or two of them are too nervous/reluctant to commit to anything, but they vow not to interfere; the rest are eager at the prospect. They offer to invite others on the staff who they believe will be interested, and plan a meeting for late one night to get everything in order to send information back to Diamant. They decide to call the meeting a "party," and not try to conceal it from the rest of the household, so as to not be too suspicious. By necessity, Schäfer can't attend, since he's not one of the help staff--he would bring too much suspicion on the rest. They agree to fill him in afterward, though.
The servants have their meeting--they know nobody like Hesse or Helmstadt will bother them, considering such a "party" to be rather beneath themselves--and draw up a tentative schematic of the passages they're aware of and how to access them. A house layout exists--Helmstadt keeps track of it--but it's incomplete, and the staff know of even more passages that aren't listed. They finish their work and prepare to take the schematic to Schäfer and retire for the night, but as soon as they exit into the hallway, they find someone waiting for them: Sgt. Holt. He looks them over and asks what they're up to. They stick to their story of a party, but he isn't buying it. "What exactly is the business you have going on with Herr Schäfer?" he asks--Holt is exceptionally astute, watching everything from the background, and he's noticed their conversations. The servants hem and haw, afraid and uncertain how to proceed; Holt sees the rolled-up paper and requests to look at it. They reluctantly hand it over and he studies it...then says, "You missed a few passages." He waves for the pen and someone gives it to him; he adds a few more lines, rolls up the paper, hands it back. "Whatever this is, you keep it quieter than you already have," he says. "If I found it out, Herr Hesse could, too." And he leaves.
The staff offer Schäfer the map, telling him what happened; he's incredibly anxious but passes it off to Diamant, letting him know who on the staff can be trusted, but also that one of the Wehrmacht guards found out what they're up to--perhaps the plan should be aborted. Diamant frowns but says they'll go through with it, after he checks the house out himself. He sneaks in successfully, slipping through the passages and rooms undetected, peering into a few rooms to see their contents (creepy, but he doesn't linger); on the map he locates Holt's room, and heads for it. Peeks in, sees the furniture and such. Slowly opens the passage, peers a bit further, starts to slip into the room--then freezes when the barrel of a pistol nudges against his head. Holt had heard him despite his best efforts, and concealed himself to the side as he peeked in. "Mind telling me who you are and why you're breaking into my room?" Holt asks.
Diamant: (hands raised) "I'm pretty sure you already know me."
Holt: "Enlighten me."
Diamant: "Maybe not my face but my actions?"
Holt: "I know you're good at being vague."
Diamant: "Well...your boss entertained a certain guest here a long time back, so I'm told; I made sure he won't be entertained again."
A pause, then Holt withdraws the gun. Yes, he's heard of Diamant. And he's smart enough to put two and two together: Diamant and Schäfer were both Dannecker's victims, so for them to be colluding makes perfect sense. The two exchange a few words and it soon becomes clear that Holt hasn't informed anyone about the staff "party" or the home layout. "You need to use the house?" he asks; "Use it for what?" Diamant says, to which Holt replies, "This escape thing you have going on, whatever it is. If so, you need to move around more slowly; these passages are old and creaky. If you're familiar with all the sounds of the house, you notice noises that shouldn't be there. I heard you coming a mile away." Diamant asks why Holt is telling him this. Holt replies, "I fought alongside men just like you in the war. I depended on you for my life more than once. I feel I should return the favor. Especially now that everyone else has forgotten."
So, okay: Holt is in.
It isn't too long before the Network is using the Dobermann house to funnel people through to the countryside and on to safety, though there are limits to what they can do, given how many people live in and visit the house; the numerous Nazi guests, and Hesse, make it necessary to be even more careful than usual and not take as much advantage of the situation as they'd like. They need another, even more powerful ally to ward off this threat, and they find it in Inga Dobermann herself.
Inga's been paying close attention to Germany's deteriorating situation, aided by the stories Dobermann himself passes on regarding what Nazi officials are telling him. He's obviously disapproving of what he hears, but doesn't seem to think he can do much about it. Inga agonizes over being so helpless; she wants to do something, even if her husband isn't on board. Dobermann bringing Schäfer home to live with them was a turning point--seeing his timid, emaciated state, his shaved head and dirty striped clothes, and especially the tattoo on his arm and the yellow star on his shirt, brought the severity of the situation home as well, made it real, instead of some vaporous rumor of things possibly occurring far away. (Despite his love for Addy, Hesse lies to and gaslights her CONSTANTLY concerning the Final Solution, and her admiration for him makes her believe everything he says. To hear him tell it, everything is fine, the trains that pass in the distance all the time are full of soldiers and war supplies, and the camps, well, they're just prison camps, and obviously the prisoners did something to deserve to be there. Even worse, she freely parrots all this to anyone else who listens.) Inga approaches Schäfer one day and asks if he can keep a secret; of course, for her, he can. She gives him her locket; within is a photo of her and Dobermann and Adelina. A look from her makes Schäfer remove the photo; behind it is a tiny Star of David pendant. "No one knows, except you," says Inga; "What about Herr Dobermann?" Schäfer asks, to which she replies, "Not him...not Herr Gunter, not even Lina. It never seemed important enough, until now." She briefly pours out her regret over living so safely and comfortably while others are suffering, and her wish to do something about it; Schäfer says nothing, as he's too afraid to. After getting everything out Inga wipes her eyes, signs, "I'm not sure why I'm putting this all on you, it's just you're the only one I know; I'm sorry," and gets up to leave. Schäfer finally finds his voice and draws her attention; when she looks back at him, he loses his nerve again until she says, "You said I could trust you, so you can trust me too, Herr Tobias." He hesitates, fiddling his fingers; then, instead of going into detail, he tells her to go visit her neighbor--make up a pretext for visiting--and ask to see the jack of diamonds. Inga furrows her brow, but he says nothing else, so she leaves.
This neighbor has no name yet but she shows up frequently enough that she'll get one soon. She's a young unmarried Junker who lives alone with her help staff within far but walking distance of the Dobermann estate, and so is the neighbor the Dobermanns are closest to, occasionally paying social visits. Like Dobermann, she expresses distaste for the Nazis, but doesn't go against the Third Reich. At least, it doesn't look like she does; secretly, she granted the Diamond Network full access to her property a while previously, and actively collaborates with Diamant himself. Schäfer hasn't interacted with her but knows of her through the Network, and knows she's trustworthy. Inga makes the excuse one evening to visit her (bringing along some of the estate's highly prized eggs); the head servant lets her in, asks her reason for visiting, fetches his mistress. The neighbor warmly welcomes Inga and invites her into the parlor, dismissing the servant and asking what Inga would like. Inga pauses uncertainly before saying, "I'd like to see the jack of diamonds." Instantly, the room seems to go cold--the neighbor's smile vanishes and she just stares at Inga. Uncomfortable silence draws out. She gets up and goes to close the parlor door, returns to Inga.
Neighbor: "Who sent you here? And why?"
Inga: "Herr Schäfer told me to come."
Neighbor: "Herr Schäfer? Your doctor?"
Inga: "Ja, he...we had a talk and he told me to come here, to talk to you."
Neighbor: "A talk about what?"
Inga: (flustered) "Why are you questioning me so much--?"
Neighbor: "He told you to say that?"
Inga: "The jack of diamonds? Ja, he did. May I see it?"
Neighbor: "What EXACTLY made him tell you that? What did you ask him?"
Inga: (distressed) "I wanted to help somehow." (hesitates, then pulls out her locket and shows Neighbor the Star of David) "Only you and he know! And I pray I don't regret it!"
Neighbor stares at the pendant a moment, then says, "Put that away. Away, away." Inga does so, believing Neighbor is disgusted and brushing her off, until she says, "Come back in two days. Same time. Come alone; make up an excuse like today. And you can meet the Jack of Diamonds." Inga blinks--"It's a man?"--but Neighbor just calls her servant back, cheerfully thanks her for the eggs--"I may have to ask for some more, soon!"--and bids her farewell. Inga leaves, more confused than ever. As soon as she's gone, Neighbor turns to Head Servant and instructs, "I need you to get in touch with Herr Diamant. Ask if he can be here day after tomorrow, ten in the evening. I know someone he might want to meet." "Frau Dobermann??" Head Servant exclaims in surprise, then hurries to do as he's told. Neighbor's entire home staff is also collaborating with the Diamond Network.
Inga returns two days later, though she's growing increasingly discouraged and anxious. Is welcomed in same as before, goes to the parlor. Neighbor isn't as cold as last time, but notices Inga's distress, and again asks why she's really there. Inga repeats what she said to Schäfer. Neighbor seems sympathetic, but Inga starts to balk when it becomes clear how much danger not just she but her husband and daughter could be put in as well, should she act against the Reich. As she's protesting, a voice behind her says, "You can still back out, if you'd like." Inga gasps and jumps up, whirling around; a figure is leaning against the entry leading to the next room--a tall man in an SS uniform. "You told--?" Inga exclaims in a panic, whirling to Neighbor. "I can't believe you told! I trusted you! What have you done--?"
Neighbor simply retorts, "You wanted to see the Jack of Diamonds!" Inga doesn't get to respond; the man in the SS uniform steps into the room, saying, "When I go out I have to go in disguise...I find this one's unfortunately effective." He sits down, removes his cap; Inga notices that, like her, he has dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes. "This is Josef Diamant," Neighbor explains; Inga looks from one to the other, mute. Diamant gestures for her to sit back down; she does, and he says, "I'm genuinely sorry for frightening you, Frau Dobermann." "You know me?" Inga says, to which he replies, "Of course we know you, and your husband. Watchman of the City. We've been interested in you for quite a while." He makes his pitch, about how if she wants to help, she can grant full access to the estate. Inga is dumbfounded to learn that not only Schäfer--meek, soft-spoken Schäfer--but most of her help staff, plus Sgt. Holt, are already involved. Why does Diamant need her help, then? So far, the Network has limited themselves to using the cellar passages to avoid run-ins with the estate's guests. If Inga were to get involved, she could not only notify the Network of when it would be safe to use the other floors, but deter the guests--and Hesse, the biggest threat of all--away from key areas at key times. As mistress of the household, she's secondary only to Dobermann in allowing access, and so for her to help out the Network would be considered a HUGE bonus. Inga is still iffy but Diamant points out how not only her life, but those of her husband and daughter, her help staff, Holt, Schäfer, and even Hesse--for bending the law in allowing Schäfer to stay with them (he's made a point to never mention this to his boss, the chief of SS intelligence)--are already in danger whether she acts or not: "You can turn around now, and go back to your comfortable life, and I won't fault you for it; nobody before now ever asked you to be a savior. But keeping your head down won't protect you forever. That was what people like me, and Herr Schäfer, used to believe, and look what happened to us--and we're the lucky ones. I guarantee you they'll come for you and your family and Herr Schäfer one day, and even your friend Herr Hesse won't be able to help you, if he even wishes to. I can't guarantee they won't find you out if you help me--but I can guarantee you'll be saving someone else."
Inga is agonized over all this, but finally agrees. Plans are made for her to provide the Network with information on when and where guests of the household will be present or not, so the Network can accordingly avoid or use nearby passages. Additionally, this means they're able to make small fixes to the creaky passages to make them safer and easier to use. They can use the passages on the ground floor as well, which is riskier but quicker than the cellar. (The upper floors are generally ignored as inconvenient.) Inga becomes adept at distracting people away from places the Network is currently using, though she does express her mixed feelings at deceiving her family and Hesse, whom she still considers a good friend despite Diamant's assurance that his opinion of her would change should he find out the truth.
The big unknown in all this is what her own family's reaction would be. Inga knows Dobermann dislikes the Nazis, and even the Nazi Party; but what does he think of the Jews? He did save Schäfer, and accepted him as a member of the household--but so did Hesse, eventually. And even while he's criticized the Third Reich, he still saw fit to associate with Dannecker for his own benefit, and hasn't expressed any interest in taking action against them. Inga has no idea how he'd react to finding out the truth. Adelina is especially complicated: Although not overtly hostile, she still fully believes Hesse's lies, and idolizes the SS, hoping to marry an officer someday. Inga knows Hesse could never accept who she is, but Dobermann and Adelina, they're complete question marks. Yet it doesn't look promising.
She gets the chance to find out abruptly one night when, walking through the halls, she's startled by a Nazi official who has no business being there--although invited in earlier, he never left, and was lost track of, during which time he's been furtively exploring the house, seeking access to the hidden passages they've heard so much about. Inga is expecting Diamant to pass through this part of the house soon, so to run into this guy alarms her even more than usual; she demands that he leave. Seeing that she's alone, he refuses, and in return demands to know where the passage is; her refusal to help makes him suspicious, and he pulls his gun. Inga makes a grab for it and he fires, grazing her arm--during the brief struggle her locket falls to the floor and pops open, the Star coming out so he gets a good look at it--she manages to get hold of the gun and yells a warning, but he charges at her anyway--"Filthy Jew whore!"--and she shoots him. He falls dead and just like that, the Dobermanns' lives instantly change.
Diamant is close enough to hear the commotion; he exits the passageway and rushes to the scene. Sgt. Holt was nearby as well; he also arrives, and they both stare at Inga and the dead Nazi in surprise. Holt, the most levelheaded of the household, starts to suggest what to do, when a noise draws everyone's attention--Dobermann is standing in the hallway, taking in the scene with a baffled look. He looks at the body, at the necklaces, at Holt, at Diamant, then at Inga--utterly confused.
It's late, and he'd just been in bed, reading and waiting for Inga to finish up what she was doing--she's had some odd habits lately, checking the house after nightfall, but he's not the suspicious sort. The two gunshots convince him to hurry to investigate. Finding not just Inga with a gun and a dead Nazi, but Holt, and this guy he doesn't even know, and Inga's locket with a Star of David next to it, he has no idea how to react. Holt acts, instead--he tersely says the Nazi was trespassing, and tried to attack Inga. The truth. Before he can fill in all the holes, though, a new voice whispers from the passageway Diamant exited, warning that the rest of the Wehrmacht guards who heard the gunshots are quickly approaching. (This unknown party is Lukas Mettbach, an associate of Diamant's who often creeps through the passages doing reconnaissance ) Everyone stares at each other for a second, then Dobermann steps forward, takes the gun from Inga, and shoves her at Diamant. "Take her," he says. "Safety." Diamant immediately understands, grasping Inga's arm and pulling her along after him even as she keeps exclaiming, "Louis--? Louis!" They disappear into the passage and Dobermann shuts it behind them. (Cue Lukas catching sight of Inga with Diamant and hissing, "What the--? What the f**k are you doing??") He turns back, drops the gun near the spatter of blood Inga left on the floor, and retrieves the necklaces. "He was trespassing and shot her, she got the gun and shot him, they both died," he says. "But her body," says Holt. "Her wish was her body be taken to her relatives," Dobermann says--it's a weak story which will raise questions, but it's all he has--they can hear the commotion coming. "But she has no other family," Holt says, to which he replies, "Here's hoping they don't know that. You handle the rest."
He heads off in the opposite direction--supposedly carrying Inga's body away. (In reality, he slips into one of the passages and leans against the wall for a bit, trying to collect himself--a feeling he's quite unused to.) Holt does what he does best, and takes charge of the disintegrating situation; the first to arrive is Private Helmstadt, who sees the body and asks what's going on. Holt sticks as much to the real story as possible, but has to explain why Dobermann supposedly took Inga's body away. He prevents the others from asking too much by issuing orders--the Dobermann house is now a crime scene, meaning the authorities have to be contacted. Helmstadt leaves to call Lt. Hesse, who's staying at his apartment in the city; he mentions an emergency at the Dobermann estate, involving a shooting and Inga Dobermann. Hesse, stunned, says he needs to contact his boss but will be there as soon as possible. It's after hours but Col. Heidenreich is still at SS headquarters; he offers to stay there while Hesse goes to the estate, and promises him all the manpower he needs to investigate. Hesse heads out alone to assess the situation; the drive is over an hour, including over some rough country roads, so it takes him a bit. Dobermann has "returned" by the time he arrives, and Holt gives him most of the details. As expected, Hesse is confused by the removal of Inga's body--"Why didn't you take her to Dr. Schäfer?" Dobermann insists she was already dead--"He's a doctor, not a miracle worker"--and reiterates Inga's last wish. "But...Frau Inga never told me anything about having other family," Hesse protests, to which Dobermann tersely replies, "Maybe there are things about her she never told you." Ouch. Hesse gives up on ironing out the details just yet, and promises a full investigation--except Dobermann requests that he keep it low key, to avoid drawing too much attention that could upset Addy (she's still asleep and has no idea what's going on yet). If there's a big fuss, all it can do is bring trouble to the family. Although bewildered and reluctant, Hesse agrees, and orders a couple of the guards to carefully bundle up the body and bring it out to his car, and make sure nobody messes with the rest of the scene until he returns in the morning. (Forensics isn't fantastic in my story.) He takes the body back to the city with him and hands it off for autopsy, reports to Heidenreich (he asks for discretion, and to be allowed to investigate with just one other officer of his choice, to which Heidenreich agrees--the officer he chooses is 2nd Lt. Paul Wozniak, who has a new name but is not a brand-new character, I've mentioned him before--and yes, I'll explain that surname eventually), then heads back to his apartment to try to catch a bit more sleep.
Hesse doesn't handle Inga's "death" well at all. He's still in love with her, and the situation hits him all at once now that he's alone; he breaks down sobbing and shaking. It's the worst pain he's ever felt, and it won't stop, so he tries the only thing he can think of to numb it; he rummages in his study and digs out the kit he keeps his morphine works in, which he's kept hold of all this time--not to use, but as a reminder NOT to use. Well, all that has gone out the window with this development, and he prepares the needle and is actually about to go through with it when his eyes blur over again and he can't see what he's doing. He breaks down crying again and manages to doze off. He awakens to a pounding on his door, sees the needle lying beside him, examines his arms and the syringe but finds he never went through with it; then goes to answer the door. It's Lt. Wozniak, who showed up when Hesse didn't report in to work; Hesse invites him in while he gets ready. While wandering around Wozniak spots the drug works and asks Hesse if he's truly good to go; Hesse confirms that he is, and they head out to the Dobermann estate to ask questions and collect what remaining evidence they can.
Ironically...Hesse ensures that the SS doesn't delve TOO deeply into Inga's death, thus protecting Dobermann and Adelina--who's since been informed of what happened--from scrutiny. He's not stupid, he sees the gaping holes in Dobermann's story, but he's not willing to dig too deep himself--he wants to protect Inga and Lina too, even though he doesn't know what from. Dobermann effectively uses his feelings for Inga to shield his family and keep Inga's secret--because he's not stupid either, as soon as he saw Inga's necklace on the floor, then heard Lukas call out to "Herr Josef" from the passageway, he understood exactly what was going on. He's heard of Josef Diamant and what he does. So he knows that not only was Diamant the only person who could shuttle Inga away to safety, but Hesse's cooperation is needed as well. So he sees nothing wrong with manipulating him like this. Addy, however...he doesn't know how to handle her. She's far closer to her mother than to him, so she reacts to Inga's "death" much as Hesse (privately) did, sobbing with grief that she didn't get to tell her goodbye. When Hesse finds out that Dobermann hasn't even attempted to comfort her yet, he's infuriated, confronting him and demanding that he step up: "She needs you more than ever right now! And what do you do but avoid her, like a coward?" This doesn't sit well with Dobermann, who snaps, "She's MY daughter, not yours! Don't think you can tell me how to be a father!" to which Hesse retorts, "Then ACT like one!" and storms off. Even with as much as Dobermann dislikes Hesse...this particular comment hits home. He knows he's right this time. He belatedly approaches Addy while she sits crying alone, and, unable to think of anything to say, puts his arms around her. She hugs him back, tight, and just sobs; although uncomfortable with the outpouring of emotion, he lets her.
Thanks to Hesse's interference, the Dobermanns escape intense investigation, with most of the attention falling on the dead Nazi himself. He's a minor player and Heidenreich declines to put much effort into finding a motive behind his actions, instructing the SS to leave the Dobermanns to grieve in peace; he even helps turn the guy into the scapegoat for trespassing and threatening Inga. The fine details, the holes in the story, are swept under the rug. Inga was well known and loved, and there's an outpouring of support for the Dobermanns, though they pretty much keep to themselves in the aftermath and are left alone. Hesse and Wozniak complete their cursory investigation and the case is quietly closed.
What happened to Inga...? Diamant transports her, weeping, to Unnamed Neighbor's house. Head Servant lets them in and calls her and Diamant fills her in on what's happened. He isn't comfortable entrusting Inga to anyone else; although it's risky to keep her so close by, Neighbor agrees to let Inga stay with her for the time being, since everyone in her house is in on things. She tells Inga (who's nearly inconsolable over not saying goodbye to her husband and daughter) she'll need to be disguised, and Inga agrees. Neighbor first cuts Inga's long black hair into a much shorter bob, Inga's eyes welling up with tears as she does so; it reminds her of what she's been told of the Jews who enter the camps. Neighbor then washes and bleaches her hair blond; Inga takes one look at herself in the mirror, puts her hands over her face, and starts crying. Neighbor recently lost one of her maids, so she brings out the maid uniform for Inga to try; it fits. She can't do anything about Inga's dark eyes or complexion, so it's decided she should try to keep her head down and try to remain unobtrusive when visitors appear. "It'll be all right," she tries to reassure the weeping Inga. "Your family's safe. And it won't always be like this. It has to change, sometime." Inga is unconvinced; she retires to her new bedroom to cry herself to sleep.
Dobermann, meanwhile, is left dealing with the remaining details on his own. Hesse does what he can to distract Addy from her woes while Dobermann tries to process what happened. Holt and the help staff are feeling quite anxious about the turn of events--now that Dobermann knows what's been going on, they're afraid he'll put a stop to their activities, and perhaps even report them since he's friends with members of the SS. At the very least, the loss of the Dobermann estate from the Diamond Network's escape route would be a devastating blow--especially if he then decides to grant access to the Nazis, instead. So when Dobermann shows up in the kitchen (the hub of escape activity), the staff fall still and stare at him nervously. He glares back at them for a moment--they're positive he's going to order an end to their collaboration--when he walks over to a pantry and opens it. He steps within, moves some storage items out of the way, pushes a shelf aside. The staff, who've crowded around the entry, are surprised to see a doorway here--no one, not even Holt, previously knew of its existence. Dobermann opens it and shows them the narrow passage hidden behind; "From now on, use this way only," he says; "The other may be compromised." He closes and conceals the passage again and departs; that's it, that's all he has to say. The help staff sigh in relief. Although Dobermann himself appears to want to play no part in it, the secret escape effort through his household will continue.
Dobermann is understandably quite pissed off when Diamant makes another appearance at his house, wanting to talk to him; Holt has to make sure he's not going to punch Diamant, or worse, before giving them privacy. Diamant explains what's become of Inga, to put any of Dobermann's worries to rest; Dobermann responds by just glaring at him. Somewhat nonplussed, Diamant starts to describe how he's heard of Dobermann allowing the Network to continue using his property, when Dobermann interrupts him with, "Tell me why it is you're here, before I throw you out." Diamant misinterprets Dobermann's hostility as antisemitism and says, "I understand why you may have issues dealing with me--" when Dobermann, seeing the misunderstanding immediately, again cuts him off with, "I hate you for taking my wife away from our daughter. That's the issue I have with you." So, now Diamant knows exactly where he stands (and suppresses a pang of guilt), and says, "Fair enough." He mentions how effectively Dobermann dealt with quashing the investigation, even ensuring the cooperation of a wildcard like Hesse; Dobermann additionally holds a lot of sway with the Nazis and the public, given his charitable donations and his association with Dannecker. (Diamant notices the way Dobermann wrinkles his nose at the mention of the commandant's name.) "Your point?" Dobermann says; Diamant replies that this is a charade it'd be beneficial for him to continue, for his family and for the Network: Despite the SS's (unintentional) collusion, there will still be questions from the other Nazis over the loss of one of their own, and there's already suspicion of Inga herself (later in the story, it's obvious at least a little of this is passed on by Heidenreich's wife, Eva). Dobermann's skepticism of Diamant's suggestion wanes as he listens and realizes he can't afford to sit back and do nothing anymore; but rather than actively push back against the Nazis, Diamant explains it'd be better for him to play nice with them as he'd already been doing--feign magnanimity should they apologize over Inga's death, befriend more of them, welcome them to his house (while keeping the Network apprised of when and where they'll be). While he's doing all this, it'll lessen any suspicions...plus he can gather information from them, which the Network can use. Dobermann makes no promises, doesn't agree to anything, though Diamant can tell the gears in his head are spinning; he readies himself to go, thanking Dobermann for at least allowing the Network to continue using his house, to which Dobermann responds, "That was for Inga. Now get out."
Diamant visits Inga to let her know Dobermann and Addy--and Hesse, and Schäfer (who, like Addy, missed all the drama and so isn't in on the plot)--are all right, but she's still crushed, assuming her own husband must surely hate her now. When Dobermann stops by to visit Neighbor and clear up a few details, she hears his voice and crouches in the stairway, peering down into the room but unable to go to him as it's still too risky plus she can't think of what to say. When she hears him leave, she hurries upstairs and to a window overlooking the path heading in the direction of the Dobermann property to watch him go. He just happens to glance back at the house, spots her, and stops, turning around. The two of them stare at each other. Then, Dobermann raises his hands, and signs: I LOVE YOU. Inga takes in a breath, eyes watering, and signs back, I LOVE YOU. Dobermann looks at her a moment more before turning and walking away. Neighbor finds Inga at the window and escorts her away in case anyone else sees her, but at the moment she doesn't care--finally she knows for sure. Dobermann doesn't care that she's Jewish, that she never told him, that she opened up his household to a world of trouble. He still loves her.
Although it makes his skin crawl, Dobermann takes Diamant's advice. When a Nazi official stops by to express condolences and promise such a thing will never happen again, he accepts the apology, and consents to a small group of them paying a visit to discuss things. Just as Diamant had predicted, they're so relieved not to have incurred Dobermann's wrath that their suspicions about the odd incident quickly fade; additionally, he makes another series of donations, including to a nearby Lebensborn maternity home, to further smooth things over. (He avoids donating to any overtly violent or propaganda causes.) The regular German citizens adore him (and the "deceased" Inga) as the benefactors of the city; the Nazis, believing he's on their side, praise him as a fellow traveler and benefactor of the Reich. And meanwhile, the Diamond Network knows the truth, that he's an informant for the resistance; among them, and despite Inga's background, they become known as Saint Louis and Saint Inga, or more cryptically, the King and Queen of Hearts. Despite knowing this, Network members also know they have to help maintain the facade, and so spread rumors about the Dobermann family's Nazi connections and murky bits of info about Dobermann himself possibly engaging in acts of violence. His largely reclusive nature only helps with this impression; nobody can say they truly know him.
This ruse works so well that when the Allied forces officially get involved, they can't tell for sure what Dobermann's true alliances are; he really does look like a benefactor of the Nazis. They send in a spy to try to get to the bottom of things: Stephen Gerhardt, seemingly a Wehrmacht sergeant who's been injured and requested an easy posting at the Dobermann estate while he recovers, in reality a Jewish American soldier who's already gotten a look at what the Nazis are up to with all those trains. He's instructed to establish contact with the Diamond Network while getting to know the members of the household and try to figure out why Hesse is even there. He gradually gets to know Addy, Helmstadt, honorary Wehrmacht member Senta Werner, and Nazi Wehrmacht visitor Wilhelm Volker, and after learning that Holt and Schäfer are connected to the Network, at last makes contact with Diamant, who thinks he's ignorant but grudgingly helps him out. He finds Holt, Schäfer, and Senta agreeable enough; Helmstadt is stiff and unsociable, Addy keeps a cautious distance and is hard to get to know, and Dobermann himself is near impossible to get a read on. Hesse rightfully distrusts Gerhardt, but ironically, Schäfer's vouching for him lowers his defenses somewhat. Volker is the friendliest of the bunch, being a new visitor to the estate and showing obvious interest in Addy...except she's developed a serious crush on Hesse since the loss of her mother, and rebuffs anyone else's overtures. (Although he still has unresolved feelings for Inga, Hesse has by now fallen in love with a nightclub singer, Sophie Sommer, and Addy spends her days moping over this, wishing she were fair and blond and blue eyed unlike her mother--she has no idea Hesse loved Inga as well.)
An aside here: Love is a complicated, messy theme in this story, with a few characters loving more than one person--Hesse harbors genuine feelings for both Inga and Sophie, while Inga herself loves Dobermann first of all, but later on also loves Josef Diamant; also to a lesser extent there's Lukas Mettbach/Gret Dannecker/Lukas's unnamed former love, and Klemper/Ratdog/Baswitz. I find this rather bothersome--unless it's a consenting polyamorous situation, I personally believe in monogamy--but I guess love just isn't that clean cut. Here's some dialogue from a WIP scene after Inga and Diamant end up together:
Diamant: "You have no idea, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this. Dreamed of doing this. Ever since I met you you lay with me in all my deepest dreams at night, but the dream was never as good as the reality. To the ends of the earth I would've followed you, willingly, to do this, to make that dream real. A million times over."
Inga: "You had a chance, long ago."
Diamant: "No...I didn't. You still loved him then. Maybe even you still love him now. I think you do. I don't mind. I know feelings like that don't simply die when one's love is gone. Even though I've only ever felt that for one person. Especially for that reason. If you were to go tomorrow, I'd love you still. I'd love you always."
Inga: "I truly do love you, Josef."
Diamant: "I know. I believe you. And you still love him too. Life is complicated."
Anyway...Gerhardt has lots of trouble trying to get on Dobermann's and Addy's good side, and although the Network communicates with him, they don't give up what they know about Dobermann's true alliances as they aren't 100% sure they can trust him. A good deal of the story is spent on Gerhardt passing time on the estate getting to know the odd ways they do things (within the confines of the Dobermann property, it's almost like a safe neutral zone where the war isn't even occurring, with most of the guests not caring who is Jewish or Nazi or not, though there are rare exceptions like when Heidenreich pays a surprise visit and Hesse quickly hides Schäfer from him). He slowly gains their trust, though it's frequently in danger of being lost again, such as when Addy gives up her hopes of Hesse falling in love with her and she and Gerhardt end up together; Hesse is surprised to find Gerhardt in her room the next morning, and corners him in the hallway, promising to put a bullet in his neck if he ever upsets her. Somehow Dobermann finds out as well; all he does is give Gerhardt a withering death glare, but it's enough to cow him. There are signs, however, that Dobermann is letting down his own defenses just a tiny bit; at one point he invites Gerhardt to join him in the parlor away from everyone else, and briefly explains the role he's been granted by the residents of the city and how hollow it rings in the face of things (taking off his honorary watchman's hat as an illustration)--people like himself are becoming part of the past, obsolete, as newer viewpoints take over, and whether this is a good or a bad thing, he can't say for sure. It's a surprisingly intimate admission, though Gerhardt still isn't sure what sort of person Dobermann really is.
True allegiances at last start to become known as the war comes to a head and tensions rise even on the Dobermann estate. What tips off Gerhardt about where Dobermann stands is when he comes upon Gerhardt talking with Josef Diamant in the house; Gerhardt expects a confrontation, but all that Dobermann does is say to Diamant, "Get out of my chair." It soon becomes clear that, despite Dobermann's desire to remain reclusive, he and Diamant have had to remain in close contact all this time, with Dobermann reporting on what information he's gleaned from his associations with the Nazis and, like Inga, making sure they're kept away from Network activities under his roof. It's clear to Gerhardt now that Dobermann is no Nazi and no fellow traveler as even the Diamond Network's rumors say; pretty much apolitical, he's been collaborating with the resistance since Inga's "death," largely motivated by his desire for revenge for the Nazis breaking apart his family. (Though he's still pissed off at Diamant for that, too.) He'd suspected from the start that Gerhardt is an Allied spy, but of course couldn't trust him; one detail that began to convince him was the concern Gerhardt showed for Addy. As for Addy...she's a lot more complicated. Gerhardt tries to get through to her, to convince her that Hesse has misled her this entire time and, far from being the honorable person she's always believed he is, is actively involved in the slaughter of countless innocent people. Even if it's true, Addy desperately tries to cling to the story that these people aren't innocent, they betrayed the Fatherland and so surely deserve some of what they get--the SS is just performing a necessary evil. Gerhardt is frustrated trying to convince her otherwise, but growing evidence from numerous other sources such as Dr. Schäfer, Lukas Mettbach, and Maj. Jan Delbrück, adjutant of the labor camp (he runs into Addy at Sophie's nightclub and later on offers to let her see inside the camp as proof of what's happening--he's the one who informs her there's no way Hesse is ignorant of the mass executions, since the SS is behind them) starts wearing down her defenses. An uncharacteristically sharp rebuke from Dobermann himself when Addy mentions how Germany was betrayed--"There was no stab in the back. I was there, you were not. We simply lost"--hits especially hard.
Josef Diamant reveals himself to her--she'd actually met him before, in disguise--but she refuses to take his word; growing frustrated like Gerhardt, he invites her to Unnamed Neighbor's house to meet someone. Addy has no idea the "someone" is her own mother, who's been alive all this time, but what's more shocking is that she's Jewish. Addy had had evidence of this--finding the Star of David in Inga's locket, which she was given by Dobermann--but hadn't been willing to believe what it most likely meant. Her own mother telling her that she's part Jewish, too--plus Dobermann is guilty of breaking the race laws--is more than she can handle, and she flees. She doesn't report the meeting, but Inga returns instead to the Dobermann estate and runs across Dobermann; they stare at each other a moment before Dobermann embraces her, hard. Addy realizes that everything Gerhardt and Diamant have said is true--and not only her mother but her father was in on it all, too. It's overwhelming, but she doesn't have much time to dwell on it before Hesse arrives at the estate, and discovers that Inga is still alive--and is Jewish. (Gerhardt is just learning this, and so is Schäfer and everyone else who wasn't involved--so yeah, it's pretty confusing.) Although stunned to see his old friend alive, Hesse manages to warn the Dobermanns not to flee as he has to take them into custody. A dispute breaks out with guns pointing every which way; Volker gets wounded, and when Hesse hesitates to shoot when Addy jumps in front of her parents, Helmstadt attempts to shoot instead--although not a member of the Nazi Party, he still believes in the race laws, and finding out that fellow Junker Dobermann broke these laws infuriates him. Volker shoots him, and Diamant shoots Hesse, Addy crying out in grief. They hear additional Wehrmacht forces approaching and so the Dobermanns, Diamant, Gerhardt, and Schäfer escape through the passages while Holt, Senta, and Volker stay behind to try to protect the staff. (Senta's father, who'd previously socialized with Dobermann but has since been radicalized, had caught wind of rumors about Inga and tipped the Nazis off.) Diamant leads the group into the countryside and then into the foothills where Lukas catches up with them: He's rounded up the horses from the Dobermann stables, and hands them off--Addy cries when she's given Gewitter, Hesse's Waffen-SS mare. Diamant then puts Gerhardt in charge and departs with Lukas to help the Network; now able to move faster, the group heads into the mountains. Dobermann has traveled here before and so leads them to a small mountain town he's familiar with, which has largely escaped the attention of the Nazis; they decide to remain here until certain that the situation down toward the city is stable.
Their stay becomes permanent. Gerhardt manages to get news of what's happened in their absence: The Dobermann estate was overrun by the Nazis, but Holt's, Volker's, and Senta's efforts delayed them enough to successfully protect the staff; the three fled, splitting up along the way, but have all survived, with Volker and Senta picking up her mother (leaving her turncoat father behind) and ending up together. Holt surrendered, but the Network vouched for him, and he made himself useful by translating for the Allied forces that overtook the city. Most of the SS forces that remained, such as Hesse's associate Master Sgt. Theodor Schulte, were captured or killed; those who were smart, like Wozniak and Delbrück, escaped early and disappeared, presumably going into hiding. (Heidenreich had been killed some time before, by his wife and her lover, who were executed and committed suicide.) Sophie, learning of Hesse's death, committed suicide. Unnamed Neighbor and the other Junkers who assisted the resistance were guaranteed safety and allowed to keep their property. The commandant of the labor camp and Dannecker's successor, Lt. Col. Hasso Reinhardt, turned off the electric fences and opened the gate, then waited for the Allies to come capture him; those prisoners who were too weak/sick to flee on their own were rescued while Reinhardt was taken into custody (he later goes to prison). (Americans reach the city first in my version, even though I've read that IRL they liberated none of the camps; not sure if that's true.) Following the final defeat of the Third Reich, American forces are left in control of the city; unfortunately, Diamant was captured by remaining SS forces shortly before this happened and forced on a train to be transported to one of the remaining camps for extermination. It's a painful blow which hits the Dobermanns especially hard, considering everything he did for them over the years.
Dobermann is still considered a hero by the majority of those in the city; the Network lets the truth out that he actively aided the resistance against the Nazis, and the Allies permit public recognition of this. The city folk dedicate a memorial to him as Watchman of the City, though Dobermann himself declines to leave the mountain town to attend; he never cared about public recognition, all he cares about now is his family, which gains a member when Gerhardt and Addy decide to marry. Addy requests one thing, that "von Dobermann" remain part of her surname, so the family name won't completely disappear; Gerhardt agrees. When Dobermann hears of this he says nothing, though the look on his face makes it clear the gesture has touched him.
The Dobermann estate is left, temporarily at least, to the remains of the Diamond Network, to deal with handling remaining refugees; the help staff feed and supply them. Gerhardt and Addy are wed in a small ceremony in the mountain town; a few days later, a package arrives, addressed to Adelina Dobermann. Inside are two beautiful golden rings and a playing card--a jack of diamonds. Addy and Inga are elated: Somehow, Josef Diamant survived, and has sent a belated handmade gift. Some time later he comes to the mountain town himself and sets up a small jeweler's shop to replace the one the Nazis destroyed; Gret Dannecker comes to work for him, then eventually Lukas Mettbach as well. Dr. Schäfer, meanwhile, bids the Dobermanns a bittersweet farewell; now that it's again safe for him to merely exist, he decides to return to the city to see all the things he's missed. He promises to visit and keep in touch, and removes his Judenstern, giving it back to Inga: "It feels strange without it, like going without a cover on my head...but I don't need a security blanket anymore." He thanks the Dobermanns for everything they've done--"You're truly the family I never had the chance to have, and you will always remain my family"--before leaving.
...Now...why, earlier, did I provide a story excerpt where Inga and Diamant are together, when Dobermann survives the war and he and Inga and Addy are reunited? The reunion is only temporary, and in actuality the Dobermanns have only about a year or so left together; this detail hits me hard, Dobermann went through so much, spent so much time apart from his beloved Inga, that it just doesn't seem fair that it barely lasts. 😞 But thus goes the story. After entering Diamond Network custody, while confiding her fears to Diamant, Inga kissed him; Diamant broke the kiss only reluctantly, saying, "You're a very beautiful woman. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't... (*trails off*) But I know you love your husband. And I know you'd never forgive yourself if we went through with this." Ashamed, Inga never tried again. Fast-forward. Some time after the war's end, a rumor reaches them that a Nazi medical experiment, known as Project Doomsday, did not end with the war--a handful of Nazis fled to the Alpine Fortress, taking with them the notes left by the SS doctors, and have been continuing the project under a new name, Ultima Thule. Gerhardt and the others had actually come across evidence of this while fleeing to the mountains, when the Waffen-SS forces they encountered along the way proved to be almost impossible to fend off; they'd assumed they were under the influence of methamphetamine, but this is something far worse. Doomsday's original goal was merely to increase a person's strength, intelligence, and stamina, to create a sort of super soldier; Ultima Thule's goal is to achieve immortality itself. When Gerhardt, the Dobermanns, Diamant, and Lukas head to the Fortress to figure out what's going on, they learn that the immortality part of the project is already well under way: While retreating, the Nazis took Hesse's and Helmstadt's bodies with them, and now here they are again, seemingly alive and well.
They don't directly respond to or even seem to recognize their former associates, however, and just blindly attack whenever the group runs across them. Eventually the Allies figure out that this version of immortality lasts only as long as the brain is intact, which explains how to kill a super soldier (and explains why someone like Schulte, who was shot in the head, wasn't included in the experiment); also, there's a drug that counters the hypnotic effect, restoring Hesse's and Helmstadt's consciousness. Helmstadt is still every bit a racist Nazi-ish a-hole who keeps attacking them afterwards, though when Hesse "wakes up," he's bewildered and confused, especially to learn that the Third Reich collapsed quite a while back and most of his comrades are dead or missing. Learning of the deaths of Schulte and Sophie is exceptionally painful, and his reaction is to assume that this leaves him obsolete, with nothing left to fight for; plus, being confronted by the Dobermanns, now that he knows who and what they are and remembers how he acted previously, racks him with guilt; he still hasn't let go of all his old bigotry but he's seen enough for it to be crumbling at the edges. (Even while alive, he'd seen the growing corruption and hypocrisy in the SS and had been planning to leave them in favor of marrying and settling down with Sophie.) He especially hates the impact he's had on Inga and Adelina (the formerly affectionate, adoring Lina cringes away from him now), so he doesn't care if anyone kills him or if the project succeeds or fails. He just wants to not exist anymore.
Gerhardt convinces him he may in fact have a reason to help them terminate the project. Hesse has a strange recollection of when he died, which includes a period of darkness, fear, and confusion that felt like it went on forever, followed by a dim vision of what looked like Sophie, standing in the sunlight looking back at him. Although he lost most of his own faith long ago, Gerhardt theorizes that this might not have been the dream Hesse thought it was. If there's at least the slightest chance Sophie is waiting for him somewhere, wouldn't that make helping them out worth it? Although skeptical, Hesse finally agrees, though he states that more than for himself, he wants to repay Inga, and especially Adelina, for the way he harmed them. He joins the rest of the group as they navigate through the mountain fortress, at one point at last telling Inga the truth: "I loved you once...for a long time. I never said. I knew you didn't feel the same. And that was all right, as long as I could call you my friend." Inga quietly replies, "I always knew."
With Hesse no longer leading them, Helmstadt assumes command of the Nazi soldiers defending the project. They thwart every attempt to reach headquarters to destroy the project so it's determined that the only way to put an end to it is to destroy the Fortress itself. This involves making and strategically placing explosive devices, which is easier said than done; while Dobermann and Diamant are attempting this, they're attacked, and both end up sliding down to the edge of a cliff. Diamant tries pulling Dobermann up higher, but all this does is drag him further down. He ignores Dobermann's demand that he let him go or else both of them will fall and they won't be able to finish placing the explosives. After a few seconds of arguing, Dobermann pauses, looks down, then looks back up at Diamant, his eyes afraid but resolved. "Look after her," he says. "What--?" says Diamant, confused--when Dobermann suddenly twists Diamant's right hand, which suffered nerve damage when Dannecker stabbed him long ago. Diamant lets go without meaning to, crying out as Dobermann disappears from sight--then he too suddenly slips and starts to go over the edge when something grabs his other arm. Looking back, he finds Hesse holding on to him; Hesse manages to pull him back from the cliff, and they sit staring at the darkness for a moment. Diamant opens his hand and looks at it, then holds it toward Hesse, dropping something in his palm; it's Dobermann's wedding ring. "You give it to her," Diamant says; "It'll mean more coming from you."
Inga and Addy are understandably grief stricken when the two return without Dobermann. Hesse returns his ring and Inga crumples to the ground, Addy with her. They don't have much time to grieve however as someone has to manually set off the detonation--they can't time it, lest Helmstadt find and disarm it first. One of them will have to remain behind. Lukas volunteers, as he has no family--"You f**kers killed 'em all," he says to Hesse. (Hesse had nothing to do with Lukas's clan being killed, but he did get a large group of Lukas's fellow Sinti sent to their deaths, as revenge for Lukas attacking him previously.) Something seems to click in Hesse's head, and he volunteers instead. Addy tries to convince him not to--"I already lost Papa, what'll I do without you, too?"--but he's resolved. (I should point out that even if he returns with them, he'll be executed anyway. I don't think this occurs to Addy.) "You've all grown up," he says; "and you grew up right, despite me. Take care of your mother now, ja? She needs you."
Lukas is skeptical of Hesse's promise to set off the explosives--and presumably kill himself at the same time--but Diamant and Gerhardt take a risk in trusting him--"I know it won't undo everything else I did, but even if it's just one small right thing..."--and they leave, fleeing the Alpine Fortress to make their way back to the foothills. Hesse stays with the detonator. As expected, Helmstadt arrives and first attempts to talk Hesse out of doing what he's doing by convincing him that the continuation of Project Ultima Thule can usher in a Fourth Reich, even more glorious than the last. "It's over! It's done with. We're the ones who are obsolete. We're the Untermenschen," Hesse says, which enrages Helmstadt and he tries to attack. Both of them are on the experimental serum, so their strength and reflexes are enhanced--Hesse is physically stronger and more experienced, while Helmstadt is younger and in better shape. Hesse briefly manages to lock Helmstadt out of the room the detonator is in (he keeps looking at his watch, then at a clock on the wall, to make sure he gives the group enough time to escape safely), but Helmstadt eventually breaks in the door, positively berserk with rage, and attacks again--Hesse tries taking the brunt of the blows to distract him from the detonator, which begins weakening him considerably. (The blows, not the detonator. Heh.) When Helmstadt compares his betrayal to that which led to Imperial Germany's defeat, Hesse loses his temper and, to his own surprise, yells, "There was no betrayal! No stab in the back! I was there, you were not. We simply lost!" He notices the time and makes a move for the detonator--Helmstadt prevents him from reaching it, but only temporarily, and he at last shoves down the plunger. A faint rumbling comes from far off, in both directions. "What have you done?" Helmstadt cries, and runs. Hesse sits by the detonator and listens with growing fear as the rumblings get closer and louder, bits of the icy ceiling and walls starting to crumble and fall around him. The rumblings quickly grow into a cascading roar. (Out in the passageway, Helmstadt sees the collapse heading his way and turns to run back, only to find it coming at him from that direction too.) Hesse looks up as a loud CRACK sounds from above; seeing the ceiling split open and then come plunging down at him, he shuts his eyes and whispers, "Sophie."
Outside, heading to the mountains' edge, the group hears a muffled boom, and they turn to look back. They watch silently as more booms sound to both sides, drawing closer to the center point where they left Hesse, puffs of snow rising into the air each time part of the Fortress collapses. When the final, midsection implodes, Inga and Addy cover their faces and weep, Addy murmuring, "Papa...Uncle Gunter." "I can't believe he actually did it," Lukas admits. After a pause, Gerhardt and Diamant urge them to keep going in case of avalanches, and they slowly make their way back down out of the mountains.
Earlier, while they were trying to get information on Ultima Thule and had established contact with the ground via a radiotelegraph system they found in the Fortress, several other allies and members of the former Diamond Network, including Gret, Schäfer, Senta, Volker, Holt, and Trudi Detzer (this last party, while not a core member of the Network, had a bit of knowledge about the project as an SS doctor she'd been involved with was active in its development), had gathered at the Dobermann estate to await news. At one point Schäfer stiffens and stares off into space; "What is it?" Holt asks, at which Schäfer says, "You didn't feel it?...the world trembled." He tries to brush it off as just his imagination, but the others share a look. A good while later, Gret, watching through binoculars, reports seeing the group returning--"Herr Dobermann isn't with them," she adds, ominously. When the group finally arrives, exhausted and discouraged, they confirm that while the project is almost certainly done with for good, Dobermann (and Hesse) gave his life to make it so. Schäfer and the help staff are devastated. After clearing up the final details, Inga and Addy decide to return to their new homes in the mountain town, for now leaving the estate as it is, in the hands of the Network which is still helping victims of the Nazis get back on their feet; Inga will make sure the staff continue to be paid and the property maintained, though she can't bear to stay there without Dobermann.
Addy and Gerhardt accept an offer from Schäfer to pay a brief visit to the city: "There's something I'd like you to see before you go." He leads them to the city square, the same location Hesse and Delbrück dueled in long ago. There's something that's new since Gerhardt's last time in the city, prior to its fall to the Allies: A statue, bearing the legend Wächter der Stadt--Watchman of the City. It's Dobermann, wearing the cap he once told Gerhardt was so symbolic yet meaningless. Enthralled, Addy returns to the estate and begs her mother to come see before she returns to the mountains; Inga is reluctant, but she goes. The sight of the memorial brings tears to her eyes. She'd intended to just quietly return to her new home and aside from paying the staff, leave all management of her husband's estate to the Network; but the statue sparks a memory, how Dobermann had also wanted to just be left in peace, to not get involved, yet had to, because of her. She arranges further charitable donations to the city, to help with the ongoing post-war cleanup, various victimized groups who need assistance, and the same hospital Dobermann had donated to following the Great War. The recipients of the donations are surprised--with Dobermann's death, they'd had no reason to expect any ongoing help--but Inga makes certain it's so, if only to keep her husband's legacy alive in some way. Once this is sorted out, everyone parts ways, and the Dobermanns and Gerhardt return to their new homes.
Despite Dobermann's own final request to "Look after her" (as perceptive as ever, he'd noticed the way Diamant and Inga acted around each other), Diamant never tells her of this, and decides it's for the best if he lets her go and they move on with their lives. He lives in the same town, at his new jewelry shop with Gret as his assistant, and says an occasional hallo when he and Inga happen to cross paths, but that's it. Lukas visits the town while taking an odd job (traumatized and missing his old itinerant life, he prefers to keep on the move) and berates Diamant for not following through; he goes to visit Inga himself, and tells her that it wasn't Hesse who lost hold of Dobermann, it was Diamant--and Dobermann had told him to look after her. Inga has long had feelings for Diamant, and he for her, but aside from the single kiss they shared years ago--which Diamant cut off, and Inga agonized over ever since--they never once acted on them--she wonders how Dobermann even guessed. She goes to visit Diamant, and the scene quoted above takes place. Inga then asks why he never told her about Dobermann's request.
Diamant: "I know. I believe you. And you still love him too. Life is complicated. Your husband was a good man. I'm sorry it took us all so long to see. Probably that was his intent, to protect you and Addy. Maybe he never could have truly understood you, or us, but he was a good man nonetheless."
Inga: "I know. I still miss him. I'm sorry...I thought I was ready for this."
Diamant: "It's all right. I...I can give you some space, if you need. You can stay in here and I can go to the den..."
Inga: "No. It's fine. Bitte, stay. You have far more reason to grieve than I do."
Diamant: "I don't see it that way. You lost your love; I still have mine."
Inga: "Yet you lost everything else you had, everything and everyone you knew. They even tried to make you lose yourself. My life has been comfort compared to yours. I had a visitor a while back. He called himself Lukas. Said he knew you, from the Network and from the camps. His eyes were so strange, brown and blue, and so tired and sad. He had numbers on his arm same as you. He told me what Louis had told you before he...before. He told you to look after me. Why did you never say anything? Why did you never come for me?"
Diamant: "I knew you weren't ready. And I don't believe I was, either."
Inga: "Would you have ever come for me? If Herr Lukas had never spoken up? I never would have known. I would have remained in your dreams only, forever."
Diamant: "You needed time to mourn. I'm not sure how long I should've waited. I didn't want to overstep. I'm wondering if I did, anyway."
Inga: "Of course you didn't. Bitte, I only just found you again, Josef. Don't go."
Diamant: "I'm not. I just...I'm not good at this. Never have been, but the past several years have made it even harder."
Inga: "You're doing fine, to me."
Diamant: "Even if the two of us understand each other...there's just a lot I'm not sure you can ever understand. No one can, unless you've been through it, too. I didn't mean to get into this. I'm sorry."
Inga: "It's all right. I don't mind. If you ever feel like telling me anything..."
Diamant: "This is just it. I'm not sure I could. Do you think that's something you could live with? Someone with a side they can never tell you about. Not really because I wish to hide it from you. But because for some things, there are just no words. At least, none I can think of."
Inga: "That was sort of the way things were between Louis and myself. Except I was the one without the words."
Diamant: "Ja, well...I'm not sure it's quite the same. Forget it for now. I always planned to come looking for you, I just...didn't know when. I guess I owe Lukas for that."
And that's where the writing leaves off, for now. Inga and Diamant become a couple, even though she never does fall completely out of love with Dobermann; I do believe he's her true love, which even Diamant acknowledges and accepts: "I know feelings like that don't simply die when one's love is gone."
I don't know yet if Gerhardt and Addy ever have any children, but whether he has heirs or not, Dobermann's best-known nickname, at least, lives on upon the statue down in the city square. He never fights in the second war, but dies a hero anyway.
I had him figured out COMPLETELY wrong all those decades. Sorry for doubting you, Dobey.
[Louis Dobermann 2022 [Friday, October 28, 2022, 4:15:36 AM]]
[Louis Dobermann 2022 2 [Friday, October 28, 2022, 4:15:45 AM]]
0 notes
Text
{Baking}
Loki x GN!Reader
Warings: none!
A/N: omg I haven't wrote in awhile so sorry I've been really busy, life has been hard, and motivation said yeet, so have a longer one shot! Hope y'all enjoyed!!!
Random but I'm so excited for season 2 of Loki-
Sitting on the couch you stare at the black screen on your TV drawing random patterns with your eyes
You huff and roll your eyes, you were so bored you felt like you could literally die any second, it was killing you, the silence, Loki was upstairs taking a shower- you could join him- but you were sure he was getting out anytime soon.
You stood up from the couch stretching your limbs, you look around for no reason and walk to the kitchen, you open the fridge and see a few items, eggs, milk, you move to the cabinet and search you give a small 'hmm' and decide
Fuck it.
I'm baking.
Getting the ingredients you decide your gonna make a cake, deciding which kind, and start to work, you didn't realize Loki was out of the shower until you heard him speak;
"And whatever are you doing?" Loki asked with a raised brow
You turn your head to look at him and shrug "baking, I got nothing to do, so might as well keep my mind occupied, I don't wanna go insane.. your free to join me? Only If you want of course." You say with a small smile, actually wanting him to join you
Look stood silent casually watching you, you turn and continue picking up ingredients, you hear Loki staring to walk, you look down with a slight frown until you feel him behind you
"How could I deny such an offer?" He smirks "now what are we making dearest?" Loki looks at the ingredients around
You smile with sparks in your eyes "were baking a cake!, And if we feel like it we can make cookies or even brownies!, But that's for later, for now -" you pick up your phone with instructions, you place it down where both of you can see it "this is the cake were making, we just follow the instructions and we should be good!" You look towards Loki
Loki nods with a small 'hm' and takes a quick yet close look at the instructions, he nods again with a small smile "let's get started shall we?"
***
A few minutes which felt like an hour has past, you and Loki were having a small debate-
"No, no, Loki, we need to add the flour first-"
"No, no dearheart, we must add this first!, I promise this is exactly what the information said to do! We wouldn't want to get it wrong yes?" Loki was smirking at you with a mischievous glint in his blue orbs
You roll your eyes with a small laugh "no- Loki, dear, we add the flour"
Loki looked at the flour "this?" He questions
You nod "yup! And then we-"
Before you could finish your sentence, Loki playfully blows flour in your face, your shocked expression makes Loki snort, you glare at him and throw flour in his face as well
Loki looks at you "how dare you-, I have just washed my hair! And you dare throw-" before Loki could finish his sentence you throw more at him and laugh at his surprised expression
"Oh "how dare you" how dare me?? Your the one who did it first!" You mock and then laugh at the face he makes
"I do not sound like that-" He begins
"Oh but you do~"
Loki playful glares then grabs a egg and cracks it above your shoulder
You gape at him "oh really!?" You raise a brow
He smirks smugly "why yes, oh I'm so sorry dear~, you have something on your shoulder! Whatever happened??"
Without warning you grabs some eggs and do the same, and grab some more flour and dust some on him, you made sure to put much attention on his hair-, you stick your tongue out at him
"Oh my God, Loki sweetie whatever happened to you??" You giggle out
"Oh you'll pay for that sweetheart" Loki takes steps forward and you yelp, you try and run but Loki grabs you by the waist "thing you can run darling~?, There's no running from a god~" he coos in your ear nibbling slightly which cases you to yelp in surprise, as Loki starts to tickle you
You laugh uncontrollably "Loki!" You laugh even more as he continues "please!" Not listening you plead "s-stop! Please! Loki! I love you, I love you I love you!!" Loki stop and grins laughing him self
He kisses your cheek "I love you to darling~"
You huff getting back into reality you giggle "ok, lets continue this and then get cleaned up yeah?"
"We shall"
***
After everything was finished you and Loki went into the bathroom, grabbing new clothes, you turn to Loki giggling slightly at him looking at his hair, all of the egg shells and flour
Loki rolls his eyes "this is going to be a pain to take off" you glares at you
You laugh nervously "ha, yeahhhhh, um, let me help with that" you walk closer to Loki
Loki smirks and picks you up from the waist and plops you on the sink, you yelped with the sudden action Loki smile at you now face to face
"I'd like to see a pretty face while I wait~" he kisses your neck softly
You giggle "yeah, well now I can see your hair more, so hold still I'll take the shells of" you start taking every shell you see off his hair, as time passes, you slowly make sure you got everything, not wanting to miss any
"I think I got all-" you look down to see Loki staring at you with a faint smile
he was admiring you, looking at all your features, memorising all details, you are so beautiful he can't help but think; how lucky he is to have you
Loki snaps out of his daze and looks at the mirror "ah! Thank you my Love" he smiles at you
You stay silent and start at his beautiful blue eyes, you smile at him and cup his cheek, he puts his hand on yours and kisses your palm, you lean closer, as does Loki, you could feel his breath on your lips
But before you could connect there's a heavy knock at your front door
Yours and Loki's eyes widened a "really" face on both of you
Loki rolls his eyes a scoffs "such horrible timing" Loki mumbled with a annoyed expression
You chuckle and nod "agree" you get off the sink and head straight for the door, you open it, your brows go up surprised to see Thor stabding there smiling
"Thor?" You question
"AH Lady Y/N!, So sorry to drop by unannounced! Whatever happen to you? You look messy?, Uh anyway! is my brother here??"
You nod "yeah, I'll go get him, um come in?" You hold the door for Thor and walk away looking for Loki, spotting him cleaning his hair with a towel
Loki turns to you with a smile "ah, my darling, shall we continue our moment~"
You giggle "uh actually, Thor's here" you point to the direction Thor was in
Loki deadpanned "tell him I'm not here"
Your eyes widened, you chuckled nervously "uh about that... I already told him you were here-, Sorry.."
Loki huffed and smiled at you softly "it's quite already dear, I'm sure it's important anyway" he kisses you head "clean up" he walks down the hallway to the living room
You decide to clean yourself up and after go back to check on the cake
***
You walk back to the living room. To see Loki sitting on a chair he smiles and stands up
You look around to see Thor no where you raise a brow
"What did you turn Thor in to a bug and step on him?" You ask
Loki chuckles "oh I wish, he just wanted to speak about new Asgard and the people, telling me how it was all going nothing to worry about"
You nod "alright, lets check the cake" you walk to the kitchen and open the oven to see the cake, check to see if it's done and take it out "now we wait and then add frosting!"
"Looks beautiful love" Loki says gently he looks at you and smirks
You raise a brow, but your not able to question, once again your on the counter top
Loki smiles "hello again~"
You laugh "hi~"
"Now I believe we got rudely interrupt yes?, I think we should continue where we left off~"
You giggled "I'd like that~"
You both lean in and connect your lips together, both sharing a long passionate kiss
You both pull away for air, faint blushes on both your cheeks
"I love you"
"As do I, my love"
#marvel loki#loki god of mischief#loki#loki (marvel)#loki laufeyson#loki x reader#tom hiddelson#loki odinson#loki odison x reader#loki x you#loki laufesyon x reader#loki x y/n#loki fluff#loki fanfic#x reader#loki x gn!reader#loki x gender neutral reader#thor#thor odinson#marvel mcu#mcu#mcu loki#marvel
75 notes
·
View notes