#this might actually be the ship that gets me to write fanfic again for the first time since superwholock was popular

[21chrysanthemums]

.

[khjcs]

group: ateez

pairing: idol!hongjoong x fem!reader

genre: angst, smut, oneshot

trope: lovers to strangers ? to lovers again *head scratch*

rating: 18+ MDNI <<< don’t make me block

word count: 6.3k

warning: angst, mild cussing, mention of death (no one dies or plans on it), argumentS (yes, plural), mention of cheating, pregnancy on two occasions (not reader), mention of an abusive partner (neither mc), if i missed any, please lmk

synopsis: an argument between you and your significant other leads you to ponder on whether the man you’re with is actually the one indicated for you.

song playlist recommendation: “west coast” “young and beautiful” “video games” “say yes to heaven” all by Lana Del Rey

a/n: i know for pairing i put “idol” hj but it’s only alluded that he is. there is no actual scene in which it shows he is an idol, just small mentions of it. don’t get your hopes up if that’s what you were looking for. also, this is, in NO WAY a depiction of the artist. think of this more of an au than a fanfic if it helps. i really hope you enjoy:)

special thanks to: @luvt0kki for proof reading🙂‍↕️🫶🏼 oh and my sister for putting me in such angsty mood (by playing lana del rey in the car), bringing this piece to life. but she’s not on tumblr and let’s keep it that way. oh and the rain outside for pushing me to post this. i swear the mixture of rain, a good playlist, and a comfortable bed is such a good cocktail for writing.

navigation ・❥・ masterlist

Waking up in the arms of your lover on a lazy Sunday morning was on of the best feelings ever. You cuddled your face deeper into the crook of his neck, taking in his scent as the morning sun began seeping through the white curtains of your room. “That tickles,” he let out a chuckle. “I’ve got to take advantage of you allowing this skin-ship,” you retorted, both of you just smiling, allowing yourselves to be engulfed in each other’s embrace. “We have to get up,” you grumbled while pulling the covers off of your body, the cold rushing in quickly, creating goosebumps on your skin. “I don’t want to. Let’s just sleep in today,” Hongjoong whined as he got up. “You’re already out of bed. Tell you what, after we finish cleaning, we can have ourselves a small movie marathon, yeah?” “With cuddles?” His eyes sparkled. “With cuddles,” you laughed at his hypocrisy of “hating”skin-ship. It had became a habit of his to spend the weekend at your place. On Sundays, you two would clean your entire apartment together just before Hongjoong had to go back to the dorms for work. This week, however, you both had been busy and only had Saturday night and Sunday to yourselves, making the cleaning all the more dreadful.

“I say, we just do the laundry,” Hongjoong was still trying to negotiate with you. Missing your boyfriend’s presence, you were quick to give in, “okay fine.” Both dressed in comfortable clothes, you grabbed your load and the sheets, making your way to his car. On the way to the laundromat, he received a call that happened to appear on his car screen to which he declined. The all too familiar number kept calling. “Just pick up,” you rolled your eyes as you answered the call on his screen. A woman’s voice was heard, “Joong, I think I’m in trouble,” she cried through the phone. Hongjoong glanced your way and back to the road, “I’ll have to call you later, I’m a bit preoccupied right now.” Your mood had turned sour in an instant, you knew in a few seconds he’d be running to her rescue. “Love—“ “I know, you have to go to her,” you cut him off as he arrived at the laundromat. “I shouldn’t take long,” he got off to help you carry the load inside. “See you in a bit, okay? I love you.” You didn’t reply, you couldn’t. I mean, how could you? Your boyfriend of almost three years was still running behind his so called “best friend” when she needed him. “Love, please don’t be mad, it might be serious.” He tried soothing you, but you were too angry with him. “Serious? Hongjoong, I’ve seen you drop everything for that woman. Don’t think I’ve forgotten how you practically ran out of your studio when she called. But Lord forbid I need you while you’re at work. I called you to hang out Friday afternoon and all I got was a sad excuse of how you’re stuck at work. And I get it, maybe you needed to get your creativity out onto a piece of paper and get it started. See, I kept thinking that to myself, making excuses for you. I thought you and I were in a relationship, not you and her.” You began walking off, trying to not cause an even bigger scene in public. “It’s not like that. You know it’s not like that. Please love,” he reached out for your hand. “Please what? You want me to be understanding of the situation? Because trust me, I have tried these past two, almost three years. Even before we started dating. I just can’t anymore,” you half whispered the last part. “What?” “I can’t anymore Hongjoong,” you spoke up this time, “I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to be second to no one in your heart.” “But you’re not,” he held both your hands. “Oh but I am,” you pulled your hands away, busying them with the load that you were to wash. “Look, I have to go. We’ll talk about this at your place later.” “No. I’ll just finish cleaning on my own. Just go straight to the dorms afterwards. I’m not counting on you to come back.” You waited for him to fight for you in any way. You begged inside of you for him to understand you and stay. But of course, like a fool, you sat there waiting for your clothes to wash after seeing his car drive off. All of this ripping away the feeling you had not even 2 hours ago.

With a heavy heart, you finished cleaning the rest of your apartment. You had cried as you folded his clothes neatly, placing them in the drawer you had cleared out for him. Everyone had warned you about this. At the time, you were so naive, seeing him only through pink glasses, wanting so desperately to feel loved, which you did. He had made you feel so important when he worried about your wellbeing, sending you money so you could buy yourself whatever it was you needed. He had always checked up on you when you were sick, even calling days off to go and personally take care of you. All of this making you think that you were the one he loved, so it didn’t matter if every now and then he ran off to help his best friend, given their history. You couldn’t blame him for your obliviousness when he had been so honest with you from the start about their friendship. “She lived in my neighborhood so we would play a lot when we were younger but only gotten closer at age 14 when we started walking home from school together. She opened up to me a few years later when her parents were having a messy divorce. She really just needed a shoulder to cry on, and I was there to provide comfort. I see her more as a younger sister than anything, I promise you have nothing to worry about.” You laughed at yourself remembering his words seeing as he’s with her right now instead of with you.

You plopped yourself on your couch, in front of the television, eating a spoonful of ice cream to help with the sadness. The doorbell rang, making you jump. You reached out for your phone, wiping your tears away, to check the time. It was already past 8:00 pm, with no messages on your notifications; you certainly weren’t expecting anyone at this time. “Love, please open the door,” your heart clenched. You quietly rushed to turn off the TV, making your apartment pitch black. “Don’t pretend you’re not here, I saw the light of the TV turn off.” You curled yourself back into a ball on your couch. He had the pin to your apartment door, so why didn’t he just come in? If he really wanted to come inside to talk, he would have, but he never came in on his own. You waited until he left, which only sadden you even more. Only realizing now that he wasn’t fighting for you, for your love, or your relationship, making you conclude that he doesn’t love you the way he claims. The way you loved him. That if it came down to it, you were ready to lay your life for him, but was he willing to do the same? This only saddened you more. You reached out for your phone to call him, but the longer you stared at his contact, the more you thought about how he chose to leave instead of staying to talk things out.

You no longer had the energy to deal with this. Even if your heart ached, you knew you had to end it with him, for your sake. The thought making you feel stuffy; you planned for a late night run to help you muster up the courage to end the relationship. Making your way out of your apartment, you stumbled upon something, or more like someone. It was too dark to make out who it was. Afraid to take a step closer, you waved your hand in front of the motion censor light. With it illuminating right outside your door, you were finally able to see. Noticing a sleeping Hongjoong, your eyes soften as you reach out for him, “wake up.” You shook him, but he didn’t budge. “Hongjoong,” you shook him again abruptly, waking him up. “Y/N, I’m so sorry,” he stood up, unaware of his surroundings, that is until he saw you, “please, can we talk?” “Let’s just talk tomorrow,” you sighed. “Can you drive? Do you need me to call your manager? A taxi?” You pulled out your phone. “No,” he placed his hand over yours to stop you from calling whoever it was, “I just really want to talk. I want to fix this.” Hesitating a bit, you decided to let him into the apartment, figuring you should hear what he had to say. After all, he did wait outside for you when you thought he wasn’t willing to fight for your relationship.

You two settled down on the couch after you fetched him some water. “I really am sorry. I realize now how you must be feeling with all of this. I’m sorry I made you feel like you were second to her.” “Then why do you still go running after her? Why do you prioritize her so much? Her parents’ shitty ass divorce happened years ago. She doesn’t need to be coddled anymore! She has a boyfriend for fucks sake, why does she have to go out looking for you?” You got up the couch. “Love, it’s not that simple! I wish I could explain it all to you, but that would be an invasion of her privacy!” “Bullshit Hongjoong! This is all complete and utter bull shit! Why are you so fixated on her and her needs? What about mine? What about when I need my boyfriend here? To come coddle me?” “Really? When have you ever needed coddling? Every time you feel down, you push me away! You want to be independent so bad! Maybe you should be!” “What?” Afraid of where this was leading, your eyes began to tear up. “Maybe we should break up…” he looked down at the floor. “No! You don’t get to break up with me over this! I do! I’ve put up with your bullshit friendship with that woman, so I get to do this! I am the one breaking up with you! I’m the one letting you go!” You abusively stabbed your chest with your index finger as your eyes let loose of the tears. Ironically, his phone began ringing. He took one quick glance at it before putting it back inside his pocket. “For fuck’s sake, just fucking go to her already! Run to her as you so desperately want to!” He just looked at you with a sad expression. “Just be honest with me,” you looked at him with pleading eyes, “do you love her?” You were honestly afraid of his answer. “I do, but—“ you cut him off after getting the answer you expected of him, but expecting it didn’t make you hurt any less. “Get out! Just fucking get out Hongjoong! I don’t ever want to see you again!” You threw the water bottle at him as he made his way out. He knew you like the back of his palm. He knew he fucked up and that no explanation, not that he could give you one, would help you two recover from this. So he did the only thing he could do that night: to disappear from your life as much as he could.

As much as it pained him, he found himself in his car driving off to his friend’s. You couldn’t possibly fathom what had happened that night, or why he had to urgently leave. But he had no one to blame except himself for always running away from you when his friend needed him. Hitting the steering wheel as he drove, angry at himself for letting the best thing he’s ever had go. “Fuck!” he screamed into the silence of his car, coming to a complete stop when he approached a red light. Resting his hands on the steering wheel, followed by his head. He couldn’t comprehend why his heart hurt so much that he wished to rip it out of his chest. The tears that flowed down his face a burning sensation. He wanted to give up completely in that moment. To just turn back time to where the two of you were still in the warmth of your bedsheets, wishing he hadn’t woken up. All this felt surreal, to go from being in his happy place with you to living a nightmare of having to steer clear from you. Even if he moved across the world, the distance wouldn’t be enough. He’d still want to run back into your arms and make everything alright. A car honked behind him as the light had turned green, he wiped his tears along with his runny nose before he proceeded to drive.

Stepping onto his friend’s doorstep, he knocked on the door. “Hey, you don’t look so good. Are you okay?” She reached out to cup his face but Hongjoong shooed her hand away. “I only came to tell you to not call me ever again. I’m done.” Hongjoong walked away. “Wait! I can’t raise this kid alone! Please Joong!” She hugged him from the back. “You can and you will. You’ll be fine. And stop calling me that, we’re not in a relationship for you to be calling me by my nickname.” He undid her grip from his waist and left her standing on her doorstep. Even though he wanted to run to you and tell you he completely cut his friend from his life, he knew he couldn’t. Nothing would make you take him back after he hurt you so badly. All he could do now was drive back to the dorms.

Meanwhile, you were a mess. It had only been a few minutes since he left but you could only assume he went rushing into her inviting arms. That he was happy while you were miserable on your bed. It was already past midnight when you felt a migraine creeping in, knowing you’d have to call in for work in a few hours, you decided to put on another movie. The migraine, however, won and made you fall asleep in the middle of the movie. The only thing that woke you up the next day was your coworker who had worriedly called your phone about 100 times, that being an exaggeration of your own. “Hey babes, are you okay? You didn’t come in today, did something happen? Did you and Hongjoong fight?” A stinging sensation arose in you as you heard his name. Your burning eyes couldn’t produce any more tears, as if you were dried out of your liquids. “Uh, no, I’m just feeling sick today. I should be feeling better by tomorrow,” you lied. “Okay, if I don’t hear from you soon, I’m coming over.” You let out a forceful chuckle, “okay,” and hung up the phone. Forgetting to close your curtains last night, the sun, brighter than most mornings, illuminated your room. You took this as a sign to get up and do something productive around your house. You sighed when you walked around remembering that you had just finished cleaning it yesterday, instead you went into your closet with a gym bag. You began packing every little thing Hongjoong had left behind in your apartment, down to his toothbrush. You decided it was time to take this step since you were serious about not seeing him again. It started off with you folding his clothes neatly into the bag, but as you came across the clothes you gifted him, you began just throwing the clothes in there. The room only became suffocating the longer you stayed in there to pack his belongings. Taking a break from it all, you went to the kitchen, preparing a small snack with water to replenish from your dehydration. You sat on the small dining table, that’s when you took notice of your picture frames displayed around your apartment. Most of them were pictures of you and your now ex. You just couldn’t get a break from all of this so you made it your mission to finish packing by today. After your very needed break, you grabbed all of your pictures, throwing them [carefully] in the bag. Only keeping your favorite one hidden in your closet, the pain of discarding it encouraging you to do so. What you initially thought would be one bag, quickly turned into four. This shocked you as you hadn’t noticed how deeply rooted he was in your life.

The ache in your heart only grew bigger when you saw the building to his dorms appearing bigger in your sight. You were too much of a coward to confront him at work, so you decided to drop off the bags at the dorms, knowing well he wouldn’t be there. As you stepped out of the elevator, his roommate emerged from their dorm, flashing you a big smile as he recognized you. “Hey Y/N,” the man you knew as Wooyoung waved to you. You forced a smile back with a wave. “Awe man, you just missed Hongjoong. He went to work really early this morning. Something about needing to write down lyrics for a tune he came up with last night.” He looked down to the bags you had placed by your feet, “is that for him?” “Uh, yes. Do you mind putting it inside?” You picked them up, walking closer to him. “Yeah, no problem,” he walked to you to help you carry the bags, taking all four from you. “I have to go now,” you smiled and turned around. “See you soon,” you stopped in your tracks his words catching you off-guard, “yeah, see you…” you couldn’t bring yourself to say ‘soon’ knowing fully well it was a lie. The taxi ride back home was all too quiet, but as it turns out, it was all you needed. You felt like you could breathe again now that you got some closure. What you didn’t know was that it wasn’t the closure you needed.

Once inside your apartment, you were determined to fill the void that he left behind. Now that you no longer needed the drawer, you contemplated whether to throw it out or to store it. Your heart not fully being able to take in the pain of you two being over, you decided that the latter was less painful. As you moved the furniture out to the living room, the doorbell rang. Cautiously, you made your way to the door, hoping it wasn’t him coming to grovel again. “Babes, open up. You haven’t answered your calls and I’m only growing worried for you. Talk to me, yeah?” Relieved to hear your friend’s voice through the door, you opened the door for her. Strangely, your emotions overcame you when you saw her and you fell to the floor, a crying mess. No longer being able to contain your sobs along with tears that appeared out of nowhere. “Oh sweetie,” your friend joined you on the floor, hugging your body, trying her best to provide you with comfort. She could tell something was really wrong with the way you have never showed any sign of “weakness” in front of her. “I fucking loved him so much, why am I the one who gets betrayed this way? Was I never good enough for him? Or was I just too blind to see he was never going to choose me over her?” “No sweetie, don’t blame yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over this. He is the blind one for choosing her countless of times when he had a treasure in front of him. Trust me babes, he’ll regret his decisions one day. It’ll come back to haunt him when he least expects it.” She helped your zombie-like state off the floor. “Have you ate?” She sat you down at your dinner table when you shook your head. “Let’s get some food in you, yeah?” She looked through your fridge, taking a few ingredients out to whip up something for you. You thanked the universe for sending you an angel like your friend. She had been there when you needed her the most, helping you recover from your heartbreak. You felt indebted with her for life. Jokingly, you told her you’d be her first-born’s god-mother. Funny how the universe works, the face on your friend’s face only shocking you, “how did you know?” She looked back to you. “What? What are you talking about?” Trying to understand what she meant, you looked at her. Only when your eyes fell on her hand that was on her lower stomach did you realize what she was trying to tell you. “I came here to tell you, but you took me by surprise with your situation. I didn’t want to make this about me.” Running to her, you went to hug her, crying once again, “I’m so happy for you.”

Time passed you by so fast. Suddenly you were attending the baby shower you had planned for your friend. As you walked through the venue, checking with the guests to make sure they were comfortable, making sure they didn’t need anything, your friends approached you. “Hey, you look good,” one of your friends mentioned. “Thank you. You do as well,” you complimented back with a smile. “Sorry to bring this up, but you are okay now, right?” Your other friend asked. You knew she was only concerned about you, but you couldn’t help but wish she hadn’t brought it up just as you felt like you were finally healing from the pain that Hongjoong left you with. “Yeah, I’m doing so much better now.” “I’m here whenever you’re ready,” their mutual guy friend added. He had been trying to get with you the moment your friends introduced him to you. You were thankful to your friends for trying to put you out there, frankly, you weren’t ready for that yet. You let out a playful laugh, “you’ll be the first to know when I’m ready,” you half meant it. You considered to give him a chance once you were ready to get back out there. He was a good guy with you, much different than him… He made sure to go at your pace. He wanted nothing more than for you to be comfortable around him. Leading to him often waiting for you to initiate any contact, but you never really did. You didn’t want to lead him on unless you were sure of your feelings. You managed to slip away from your friends and went to the bar that your celebrated friend insisted on having. Her excuse to you was that, “just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean the rest can’t. Just add it for them. For you. You never know, you just might need a drink or two.” She just so happened to be right. Your energy depleted, you felt the need to get a drink. Right as you received your drink, your heart dropped lower than the pit of your stomach as you caught a glimpse of a man who looked a little too much like him. In a discreetly manner, you followed him, only to be even more disheartened. It truly was him, and he was with her, except now she had a huge belly, had to be nearing birth. Leaving your heart a reopened wound. Out of all things you could have imagined, the idea of him cheating never crossed your mind until now. You gave him too much credit because even seeing them in front of you, looking at each other so fondly, you still couldn’t help but make excuses. Maybe he didn’t cheat. Maybe he only got with her after he lost you. There was no way that what he felt for you was never real. Except you have all the proof you needed right in front of you. With that, again, you felt a single teardrop fall onto your cheek. Still staring at them both, finally noticing when Hongjoong turned around to see you, making eye contact with you. He was the first to break it by walking away only after whispering something into the woman’s ear. You knew you were the one who told him you didn’t want to see him anymore, but you wanted an explanation of what you had just witnessed, so you followed.

It wasn’t that he tried fleeing away from you, willingly, at least. He only wanted to ensure he kept his promise of staying away from you, as per your request. He wanted to stay so bad, to go up to you and hold you again as he used to 9 moths ago, but he knew he couldn’t. He knew that his presence alone would only taunt you, more-so that he was accompanied by his friend. He mentally cursed himself as he made his way to the parking lot, beating himself up remembering your expression, he knew he had hurt you once again. He had told himself he wouldn’t contact you first, even if he was so close a couple of times. Only until you contacted him first would he talk to you. Not for petty reasons, nothing like that, but instead to allow you the space you needed. Even if it meant you would never contact him. A sudden thought popped up in his head. Without a second wasted, he went against all he promised himself and went running back inside the building. He needed to clear something up.

You had walked around the whole building before giving up when you couldn’t find him. You leaned on the hallway outside of the venue, catching your breath. The feeling you were feeling right now contradicting what you had previously told your friends. You clenched your chest, trying to keep your composure to go back into the party. You made your way back inside the venue, but your heart and legs had another idea, pulling you away from the venue. Speed walking towards the entrance of the building only stopping when you saw Hongjoong running inside. You both paused, locking your eyes with each other. Everything about that moment felt like a movie, down to the way that time seemed to slow down. You approached each other slowly, neither daring to break the silence, that is until you saw a tear rolling down his cheek. “Why are you here? I didn’t add you to the list of invitees.” You hadn’t meant to be harsh, but you only had one thing that you wanted to really say. Instead of beating around the bush, “congrats by the way. On the baby that is.” Hongjoong shook his head, “it’s not mine. That’s why I came back inside looking for you. To clear that up.” He walked closer to you, keeping his eyes on you attentively, making sure to not scare you away. “I figured that’s what you thought when you saw me. Your expression gave it away,” he stopped mere feet away from you. “I’m ready to tell you everything. The reason I kept going to her. Personal matters and all. No more keeping stuff from you. Of course, only if you’re willing to hear me. But not here, I don’t want to cause a scene at your friend’s party. And to answer your question, she was the one who invited me.” Hesitant at first, you saw the fondness in his eyes, which is why you followed him to his car, making your way to his dorm. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, instead you settled for staring out the window. “You do realize you left her at the party, right?” You rested your head on the window, still looking outside of it as it began raining. He sighed, “I’m sure she’ll find a way back home.” His response shocked you, making you sit up in your seat. “Don’t be too shocked,” an inaudible chuckle left his throat, “she’s really not my top priority.” He quickly glanced at you and your expression before driving into the parking garage.

Sitting on the couch across from you, he cleared his throat, forcing you to face him, “can I just start off by saying I’m sorry,” he looked dejected. “I truly have been miserable without you, I hope you believe me.” ”Even if I do believe you, that doesn’t change the fact that you ran after her countless of times while being with me.” “I know,” he sighed, bringing himself closer to the edge of the couch. “I know this isn’t much of a rational excuse, but you have to understand, in the moment I felt that I had to.” You let out an exasperated laugh, “you had to?” “Yes… her boyfriend was very abusive. The night you and I argued, she had called me crying because she had found out she was carrying his child. Not wanting her kid to meet the same fate as her, she decided to leave her house, to stop the cycle before it became more serious. But she was too afraid to take that step on her own. She needed a push, and a place to stay at in the meantime. I helped her pack all of her things that day and took her to one of her friend’s house. Both me and her friend encouraged her to report him to the police, though, they didn’t help much, we were able to put a restraining order on her boyfriend that same day.” “If you had settled everything that day, then why did she call you again at night?” You hadn’t noticed the tears that rolled down your face until Hongjoong sat next to you, wiping them away gently with his thumb. “She was afraid of the idea of raising a child alone. She had thought she wasn’t strong enough for that yet.” “So she called you to co-parent with her? Ha, I knew it,” you fidgeted with your fingers, looking away to hold back the rest of the tears that threatened to fall. “No—On the contrary, she wanted me to talk her out of giving up on her baby. She’s dating the friend that took her in. He’s a real good father figure already and the baby isn’t born yet. Y/N, please look at me…” it came off not as a demand, but a plea. He held your chin to make you face him. “Me and her are nothing more than friends, I mean it.” “What about when I asked you if you loved her? You told me you loved her…” Your voice now wavering. “Is that why you came with her today?” “I—“ he sighed, “I meant it. I do love her. But I’m not in love with her. I only came with her because I owed her an apology for ending my friendship with her the way I did that night.” A silence overcame you both momentarily, “I’m sorry,” your voice barely audible. “I feel like a fool for not trusting you.” “Don’t apologize. I know I didn’t help by keeping all those secrets when I shouldn’t have. I know now that there shouldn’t be any secrets between us…” he hadn’t used that word in so long, yet it felt right and wrong at the same time. He didn’t know if there was still an “us” to claim. To him, you wouldn’t accept him back, all he could hope for is for you to accept his apology.

You threw yourself at him, hugging him tightly at his words. You so badly wanted him back and the fact that he referred to you both as “us” was the perfect indication that he wanted the same. Or so you assumed. You took his face in your hands, looking into his eyes, searching within them the answer to your assumption. His soft gaze encouraged you to kiss him. He placed his hands on your shoulders stopping you right after you tried to deepen the kiss. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” Hongjoong pushed himself off of you. “Why? Why can’t you?” You looked for an answer in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you,” his head hung low. “You can’t hurt me any more than you did 9 months ago. You sat up on the couch. “I want you Hongjoong. No, I need you,” you stood up, slowly undoing the zipper on the dress you were wearing. “Please, not here. Not like this…” he rushed you two to his dorm before your dress could fall to the floor.

His room still being filled with pictures of you two, pictures that held beautiful memories. “You still have them” you held a picture frame of you two, one you had packed in the bag you returned to him. “Of course,” he approached you from behind, wrapping his hands around your waits, leaving a trail of wet kisses down your neck to your now exposed shoulder. This brought tears to your eyes. He really does love you the way you loved and still love him. “You were the best thing that has happened to me.” You leaned your head to the side, giving him more access. Holding the back of his head with your right hand, closing your eyes, taking in the moment. Hongjoong helped you walk towards his bed, never detaching himself from you, not wanting you to slip from his grasp once again. Swiftly turning you around, he guided you to sit on the edge of the bed. Kneeling down before you, wiping away your tears that threatened to fall. “I need you to stop me if this isn’t what you want. Because this is what I want. I want a future with you. I want more than just forever with you. If we take this step, just know I’m not letting you go again. I will fight to the death for you.” You nodded, “this is what I want Joongie.” He quickly attached himself onto you, the kiss being very needy. With a hand to the back of your head, he urged you lie down on his bed. Treating you the entire time as if you were a fragile object. His left hand roaming down your side, reaching your panties, gently assisting you out of them. For each piece of clothing he took off from you, you helped him out of one of his too. Lying fully exposed on his bed, you waited as he grabbed a condom from his drawer. He slid the condom on, fixing himself back on top of you. “It’s not too late to back out love,” the latter word brining you such bliss, you pulled him into another kiss. “I wouldn’t back out for the world.” He nudged at your entrance, entering you painfully slow, allowing you to get used to the sudden stretch. You gasped when he was fully inside you. His movements were slow, causing a small sting on your heat. “Let me know if you feel even the slightest discomfort love.” He moved a bit faster, taking a few moments to kiss you ever so passionately. Never once detaching your hands from him, that is until you saw the sweat forming on his forehead. You helped him into a new position that allowed you to ride him. You planted your hands on his chest as you moved your hips up and down. The new position aiding him to be deeper in you, bringing you to loll your head back with your eyes closed, enjoying the feeling all too much. “My beautiful lady,” he reached out for one of your hands, bringing it closer to his lips, giving it a gentle kiss, “I love you.” At his confession, you slowed down, fluttering your eyes open as you brought yourself to face him again. “I love you Joongie,” you intertwined your fingers with his as you made your way down to kiss him. He let go of your hands only to fully embrace you, deepening the kiss once more. He reached for your hips to help you move against him, brining you both close to your high. You were the first to reach your orgasm, brining you almost to a complete stop. His hands, still on your hips, assisted your movements once again, allowing him to chase after his.

You laid next to him, both your chests heaving. Hongjoong went into the bathroom, coming back with a small wet cloth. He placed it at your heat, letting you warm up to it so he could wipe you clean. After cleaning himself up too, he lied down next to you, taking you into his embrace. You smiled at the man, overjoyed that you were in his arms again. “You should consider yourself lucky. You’re the only one I like to have skin-ship with.” The room was filled with your laughter. Happiness spread across both your faces now that you were back together. “I have something for you,” he left the room for a few seconds. “I made this thinking of you,” he settled down next to you again, giving you the usb in his hands. “Untitled (choose you)” was written on a piece of tape that was attached to it. He had composed a beautiful song describing how he felt for you. It was, if not, the best gift you had ever received. Well, a close second. The universe gifting him back to you was your first best gift.

[moon-mage]

3 twst fanfic ideas that have been going brrr in my head and felt the need to sharing because it might motivate me I guess c: 1. A Horror Slasher type lost in the woods gotta survive kinda thing featuring Vil x Leona x Jamil aka N2 Squad and its scary and dark and maybe its a anti magic cult after them or something I dunno but they wreck face together and its crazy and romantic somehow and come on I imagine they're in final girl outfits. leave me alone

2. Vil x Idia a month after Book 6, they're recovering in STYX together because Vil almost overblots AGAIN and they're both so broken but they're not alone at least and get to know each other while recovering...literally its a fluffy idea with some darkness and a suspicious OC I made just for the drama of this plot but its soft and sweet and basically me SHOWING YOU how its criminal that they are not a more popular ship. I actually started writing for this wow. 3. A bigger summer camp type plot which would be more wholesome and just reflect my times as apart of the SGA of my school and the chaos and drama that came with it. It would be Housewardens and Vice-Housewardens invited to a fancy pants rich megee over there "Magical Leadership Camp" where there's other schools as well...and this is their second year being invited even though this has been going on for like WAY LONGER but Crowley simply ignored the invitations until last year LMAO. This is a whole heap of plot that I need to sit down and actually map out I guess hehe.

[writing-for-life]

Ok, I’m not going to get involved in a certain thread because I don’t want any drama and the line of argumentation leans too much to one side already (the views of the vocal majority in this fandom) for it to make much sense to contribute, but I had a few thoughts today:

In a fandom where people write AUs full of cows and merpeople and other shenanigans that have nothing to do with canon (or the actual characters, to be frank), they can’t do that for Calliope (or any other female character, for that matter)?

She doesn’t get to play in the sandbox?

We don’t have the imagination to turn her into one of the two dolls that kiss?

We have to keep her in character while everyone else can be turned into… whatever person (certainly neither the one of the comics nor the show)?

We constantly have to remember her strife and trauma and can’t invent (!, that’s what writing is about!) a different or new side to her? Or a better future? One in which she gets to be happy?

Or we can’t turn her into someone she canonically isn’t?

While all of this always, always works for Dream? Or the hairy guy?

And speaking of said guy: Do we have any reason to think Dream would treat him better than Nada? We’re automatically assuming he’d do the same thing to Calliope, but not to him? Or: Why do we assume he would do what he did to Nada to any other love interest, because canonically, there’s no evidence for that (we wrote about this on here before)? So no, that line of argument just doesn’t fly in my view.

If Calliope and Dream have chemistry and people are able to acknowledge it (which most do), that on its own is enough to ship them. The chemistry argument works with every M/M ship. Why doesn’t it work with her?

Oh, she is allowed in gen fics (and I am a fan of those btw, but that’s past the point), or as a character with very little agency, or any personal or sexual desires. Even better if she serves the ship. That’s okay of course, I forgot. Reminds me of most of the women of the Sandman—I wonder why.

I just wish people would give the honest reason without going through all the mental gymnastics of why Dreamuse is not an interesting (or even bad or problematic) ship, and the other one is the best invention since sliced bread:

They want to see/imagine two guys together.

There, I said it, it wasn’t hard. It’s really as simple as that in fandom, it’s a predictable fantasy, and it’s the same in every fandom. The Sandman isn’t any different.

M/F ships are frowned upon because they’re “heteronormative”, and yet, (mostly) women proceed to project (mostly) heteronormative relationship dynamics on two guys of which they fancy at least one and use the other to project themselves on. Sometimes, they fancy both of them and get more of what they have the hots for. Good for them, there’s nothing wrong with it. We have oodles of research by now why some women prefer M/M porn; it’s not earth-shattering, groundbreaking or “queer-positive” (it sometimes fetishises homosexuality though, but that’s a different topic). It’s been like that since at least the times of Spirk, and probably longer. It’s actually a fairly (dare I utter the word on here?) straight female sexual fantasy. The queer-positivity everyone is so enamoured with is more than, and not singularly limited to, shipping M/M—as a bisexual woman, I personally can’t identify with that line of thinking at all, but other people’s mileage might vary…

If people are into smutty/explicit fanfic , that’s just how it works: Some women project on a female body while imagining to get railed by a guy, others prefer to imagine two guys because they fancy men. Again: Nothing wrong with it, but it’s also not as deep as people often pretend it is.

Yes, I wrote about that one before as well. That’s why I can do it again—“once your reputation is ruined” and all that 🤣

It’s ok to be horny for two guys without turning it into a brain-contorting statement every time.

It’s also okay to reflect on the wider implications of completely erasing women from EVERY fandom, especially if you identify as one.

Edited on May 27 since it’s obviously necessary:

If people’s main takeaway from this post is that it’s about criticising fetishising homosexuality, they clearly have a reading comprehension problem and should read it again. “Sometimes” doesn’t mean “always”, plus it wasn’t even a main point. I even said that fancying m/m is a fairly middle-of-the-road-fantasy, and that there’s nothing wrong with it. The internalised misogyny that shows in people who think they are “saving women from men” by completely erasing them from the narrative and only centering men is a different topic, but these two things aren’t the same.

If people’s main response to this post is, “Then write your own stuff,” they also have a reading comprehension problem and did not get at all what this is about. It’s also the slightly old getting standard response to anything that invites critical thinking, but that one isn’t all that surprising anymore. The assumption people aren’t writing their own stuff is also a bit… silly? But I imagine that misconception is down to the fact that those people never check any tags beyond one or two, and certainly never any that involve female characters. [And to say it quite frankly: That some people wrote verbatim, “If you want Dream and Calliope to fuck so badly, write it yourself,” just shows me that they’re incapable of viewing anything but through a sex/smut lens. Good for you, kids, your world sounds so exciting *slow clap*. But maybe don’t project your thirst on everyone else.]

Some people in the OP this was about even made good points, and I didn’t criticise any of those because they are true.

This post is about the double standards people apply when they say why one ship (m/m) is more successful than the other (m/f):

Trauma? Never a problem when it’s Dream.

Relationship that somehow “shouldn’t work”? Never a problem in tropes like enemies to lovers and many others that are totally used for thee ship. Or with two people (read: men) they really want to see together.

Bending a character beyond recognition or giving them a totally different backstory, because that would solve the “relationship has run its course”-issue? Never a problem with the two guys who can be anything from a cow to a mafia boss. But the women? Nope, we have to remember their trauma and strife, keep them exactly as in the source material and protect their sacredness by completely ignoring them.

Still don’t get that this is not about a ship per se but the erasure of all women from stories bar being cheerleaders for thee m/m ship in some way? Okay, then that one’s really beyond anything I can explain, although I think some people just like to consciously misrepresent stuff or really don’t do anything but skim-read. That’s not on me I guess…

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Hey could you do a Opla with Zoro x reader x Sanji? Where she is from a world without magic (like ours) and wants to find a way to get back home to her family. An Zoro catches feelings for her. (The restaurant scene but with y/n, making Zoro jelly asf.)

Reader getting isekai'd into One Piece LA?? OH I AM SO DOWN FOR THIS—

And I haven't written Zoro in an actual fanfic yet (on Tumblr at least, and it's been probably over ten years since the last time I DID write him), so again. So unbelievably down for this.

I can already tell this is going to be a little on the long side (spanning from just before Baratie to probably just after Cocoyasi Village), and I'm a little bogged down on my other fics, so here's a preview.

Genres/tropes will include humor, angst, hurt/comfort, slow-burn, love triangle, and honestly who knows what else

::BIG HECKIN EDIT BRO::

Clicky here for the full first chapter

Strawhat Stowaway

Just a preview

Probably gonna be working on this all night this is so much fun I can't

I cannot thank you enough for this anon I needed it

After an alcohol drenched Halloween party at your friends' dorm, you wake up to find yourself in a strange place. This might not have been terribly alarming...if not for the fact that said "strange place" is an entirely different world.

There really hadn't been a dull moment since Zoro agreed to sail with Luffy, and this was definitely no exception.

He blinked rapidly down at the unfamiliar girl stretched across the hammock, in the cabin below the quarterdeck of the Going Merry, fast asleep and dressed in an oddly sterotypical pirate costume with what looked like a fake flintlock pistol tucked into one of her cloth belts. The small "crew" hadn't long set out from Syrup Village with their new caravel, and already things were getting weird again.

He backed out of the cabin slowly, leaning back through the doorway to look at the others behind him—Nami going over the Grand Line chart, Usopp sitting on the railing behind her listening to her explain the Red Line; and Luffy, reclined back on the ship's figurehead, still clearly thrilled that his plan to get a free ship had worked out in his favor, nevermind the hiccup of all of them nearly dying—again.

"Uh—hey, guys?" The other three looked up at him, Nami lifting an eyebrow at his offhand tone. "I...think we have a stowaway."

"Excuse me?" said Nami sharply, immediately rolling up the map.

"Whoa, seriously? We've got a—" Luffy slid down from the figurehead and hopped down onto the deck, excitable as ever and hurrying over with Usopp and Nami to look over Zoro's shoulder. He laughed a little. "Cool."

"Wh—this isn't cool," said Nami, shaking her head at Luffy in disbelief. "It's technically kidnapping."

Luffy's face fell at that. "Oh—yeah, probably not cool. Uh...." He rubbed at the back of his neck, glancing between his crewmates. "So...do we turn around and take her back?"

"She's not from Syrup Village." Zoro glanced over his shoulder at Usopp, who looked easily as flummoxed as the rest of them. "I mean, it's not a big town, I know everyone there, and...." He shook his head slowly. "Never seen her before."

Of course it couldn't be that simple. Nothing was ever that simple.

"Then how did she end up on a ship that's been sitting in the shipyard there for years?" said Nami, crossing her arms as she leaned in the doorframe behind Zoro, frowning thoughtfully.

"Five hundred Berry says there was booze involved," offered Zoro, and she scoffed.

"Not taking that bet."

And that was the moment you woke.

Rubbing your eyes, stretching and slowly opening your eyes.

Blinking just as slowly as you seemed to take in the strangers huddled in the doorway.

And then, with a yelp of alarm, you sat straight up, attempting to back yourself against the wall, and fell off of the hammock entirely instead, scooting yourself back into a corner, your eyes wide as saucers.

"Wh—who—where the hell—?"

The crew glanced between each other in growing concern and alarm, and finally, while you continued to stammer in fright in the corner looking very much like a trapped animal, Nami heaved out a sigh. "Not it."

"Not it," Usopp echoed quickly.

Luffy was utterly unfazed, shoving himself into the small confines of the doorframe as well, his shoulder pressed up against Zoro's arm. "Hi there! I'm Monkey D. Luffy, this is my first mate Zoro—" Zoro rolled his eyes toward the ceiling as Luffy clapped him on the shoulder. "So..." He pushed through and sat down in the center of the hammock and you pressed yourself further back against the wall, looking no less terrified. "How come you were asleep on our ship?"

"Sh—ship—?" you repeated breathlessly, glancing warily between him and Zoro. Your eyes landed on the three katanas at his hip and widened even further.

"Yeah! We're going to the Grand Line," Luffy said, grinning happily. "You can come with us, I'm still gathering a crew. I'm gonna be King of the Pi—ow, hey!" he added as Zoro grabbed him by the back of his collar.

"Not helping, captain," he said, dragging him out of the cabin. "Just go do—go do something else."

"I am kinda hungry," he said, frowning. Then he waved at Nami and Usopp. "Hey guys, crew meeting in the kitchen!"

Nami grumbled something about not being a crew, but despite that and rolling her eyes, both she amd Usopp followed Luffy across the deck and out of sight, roping Zoro right into dealing with...whatever the hell this was. The swordsman leaned in the doorframe for a long, silent moment, hand curled over his mouth, brow furrowed, trying to decide how to address the issue. The fact that you had no idea where you were was definitely not a huge help in the matter.

He pulled his hand down with a sigh, crossing his arms.

"Alright, so...you got a name?" he asked finally. You swallowed, eyeing his swords again as you forced out your name—and then pointed at the swords.

"A-are those—real?" Your voice practically squeaked.

"Uh...yeah," he said slowly, glancing down at the handles briefly before looking back at you again, raising his eyebrows. He glanced at the obviously fake gun in your belt, and nodded at it. "What about that?"

"N—no, why the hell would I be carrying around a real—" You shook your head quickly, your eyes Stull wide with disbelief. "I was at a Halloween party at my friend's dorm and—"

"Hollow-what?"

You blinked, and gave a small, nervous laugh. "What?" you forced out weakly. "Halloween? Kids go trick-or-treating, college kids use it as an excuse to dress up in stupid costumes and get drunk?"

"Trick-or— college?"

This definitely wasn't helping—you were staring at him like he had lived under a rock his whole life, he was staring at you like you were speaking another language, and you might as well have been. It was pretty clear that wherever you had come from, it hadn't been Syrup Vilage. It probably hadn't been anywhere even in the East Blue.

But that didn't make any sense at all.

"Look," he said, shaking his head, shaking away the growing fog of confusion. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I—ah..." You grimaced a little, wrapping your arms around your knees. "I vaguely remember getting talked into doing a keg stand, one of my friends dropping me, hitting my head pretty hard." You rubbed at your left temple a moment, and frowned when you pulled your hand back. "I swear I was bleeding...." you mumbled to yourself, rubbing at your eyes now.

"So...you got drunk at this... 'Halloween' thing," said Zoro slowly, "hit your head, and...stumbled onto a shipyard to sleep it off?"

That didn't sound right to him—nor did it seem to sound right to you, as you lowered your hand only from your eyes to stare at him, your expression deadpan.

"Last I checked," you said, "there weren't any ships near my campus."

"...Right," he said, nodding slowly. He rubbed at the back of his neck, resting his other elbow at the hilt of one of his katanas, trying to form some grasp of the situation.

And failing spectacularly.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about," you said, your shoulders slumping.

"Nope," affirmed Zoro, shrugging a shoulder. This was by far the weirdest thing that had happened since he had started following Luffy—and considering he had just assisted in saving a millionaire heiress from being murdered by grown adults dressed like cats, that was saying quite a lot. "No idea."

[itsmattchou]

when and how might our relationship start ?

pairing: zb1 maknae line x gn!reader warnings: ricky's and your mom are just ANNOYING🤬, GYUVIN AND READER ADE LIARS, pining gunwook, yujin has communication issues, the reader in yujins is considered a CHILD (if you ain't a child dni tf?), english isn't my first language!!! genre: fluff, maybe a slight bit of angst if you squint your eyes real hard synopsis: why you started fake dating. notes: i know i said I'm only gonna write for mline + matthew from now on but honestly fuck matthew (lovingly). FUNFACT gyuvins is basically what happened to me 😍😍 life is a fanfic fr. for some reason i am not aware of i included some smau... maybe my urge to write one finally took over? who knows. ignore the bad quality pls.

shen quanrui - to get your parents off of your backs

it was basically like this: rickys family and your family knew each other for decades now. your moms were already besties when they went to s highschool together 😭

so best believe they were THRILLED when they got pregnant around the same time

and since day 1

seriously. since ricky and you were little INFANTS

you two were being shipped by your parents

"oh, they must marry one day!" 🥰 no

you two grew up together and were naturally really close to each other

but ROMANTIC FEELINGS? nuh uh. not a thing. not happening 🙅🏻‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️

but your parents- or more specifically, your mothers- did not want to hear it

they're CONVINCED you two will fall in love eventually and won't leave you two alone

after years of suffering and repeated "no mom we're not gonna be dating!"s you two hit your LIMIT

so you two went ahead and decided to get your family off of your backs and to start 'dating'!

only to 'break up' like a month later and tell them that you actually aren't a good fit at all🔥

your parents literally threw a big ass party once you announced your relationship… awkward

kim gyuvin - to prank your friends

you actually thought it would be funny to tell your friends that you two started dating; they wouldn't believe at all you but it would be hilarious

hilarious you said. TURNS OUT, it wasn't all that funny

instead of not believing you when gyuvin and you dropped that bomb as believable as possible, they started cheering and congratulating you

"we knew this would happen eventually! finally!" you what. 😃

originally you planned on playing the prank for one day and then tell the truth- but by the way everybody started congratulating you (even a teacher exclaimed that she was happy for you!) you two couldn't help but feel incredibly bad at the end of the day

so you two did the only plausible thing to do in a situation like that; continue on lying instead of simply telling the truth 👍🏻

the very next day you two came to school again, still as a couple. it hurt your heart to lie to your friends like that, but they would be SO disappointed in you if they found out about the joke :(

park gunwook - to make your crush jealous

gunwook was a close friend of yours and he was aware of your unrequited crush on that one guy in your class

well, kind of unrequited? it was honestly hard to tell for sure. your crush sometimes acted like he was interested in you, on other days you didn't even exist to him

his mixed signals drove you CRAZY🥴

so out of pure desperation you asked gunwook for a small favor.. to please fake date you in order to make your crush jealous

AND REVEAL HIS TRUE FEELINGS!!!

gunwook was reluctant at first but he also had a small but secret crush on you so he took his chance and RAN

you had like an hour long talk to him about your great plan, about do's and don't's, about boundaries and what not

he was just silently listening and nodding his head whenever needed

(his heart shattering could be heard whenever you mentioned your real crush) 💔💔💔

you let your other close friends know about your plan too in hopes they will help to make it believable

han yujin - to prove that he is not a 'child'

poor yujin has to go through that 'youngest in the friendgroup' treatment 😪

everybody treats him like a baby and he feels as if he's not taken seriously by any of his friends

bro should probably try COMMUNICATING with them homies but oh well

and in his mind, the ultimate proof to not being a baby is having a significant other 👍🏻

and this is where you come in!!

you're one of the very few people who did not make fun of him- maybe because of your similar age- and that's why he felt save to propose that idea to you

and considering that you weren't taken all that seriously either due to your age… he was sure that you would understand where he was coming from!!

and to his delight you actually agreed to fake date him! 🤗

so after discussing everything further, you two announced your not-so-real relationship to your friends the very next day

YUJIN'S PLAN WORKED! there was gyuvin who dramatically whined about "his two babies growing up way too fast"

but the question now is… for how long should this keep going…?

[olderthannetfic]

I think for me, one of the big stumbling blocks I had for a long time with understanding the problem with antis and how they act is that I came from the world of anime fandom, and I have seen all the time how the idea that you're expected to be tolerant and accepting to straight men who are really into lolicon or slavery isekai or whatever in the name of "sex positivity" does in fact lead into a lot of normalization of genuine creepy IRL behavior, and ignoring red flags for those. Because I've never met a man where doing a lot of apologetics for his interest in fictional 10-year-olds as a grown man or why you just need to understand that in this fictional culture sexual slavery is totally normal etc. didn't come along with some grosser attitudes about real women in girls - look at how a ton of the guys in the first group, for instance, are always trying to argue that "Japanese culture" is actually A-OK with relationships between young teens and grown adults and it's just your mean feminist American bias that's getting in your way. (None of that shit's true about Japan, btw.) Like if it were a purely fictional-preference thing, they wouldn't be saying that about real-world relationships as well.

But see, I have literally never seen those kinds of arguments from, say, women who write fanfiction about teen/adult relationships. To me the problem with a lot of anti behavior is not just that it's pro-censorship (which I oppose on principle, I don't think any of the stuff mentioned in the previous section should be censored, for instance, much as the prevalence of lolicon in anime squicks me out) and that it's puritanical and sex-negative, but also that it goes after the wrong people. There IS a huge creeper problem in fandom but it's largely not coming from the predominantly AFAB and queer world of fanfiction and shipping, most of whom are pretty good at separating fantasy from reality. Or their "fucked up" ship might not even be "their" fantasy but just thinking a particular character dynamic is really interesting and it happens to fit into some particular "problematic" broader dynamic. Sometimes it's specifically that it's fucked up that we like, that's what makes it interesting!

But I do get uncomfortable sometimes when people take the fact that censorship is wrong, harassing people for what they ship is wrong, what you like in fiction is not necessarily what you want in real relationships.... and take it to the extreme of "fiction has no impact on reality / there is never ANY connection between what gets you off in fiction vs. real life" (I do think it's rarely an exact 1:1, but for some people there is a connection), or feeling like you're never allowed to just privately judge people for what porn they're into or they talk about or post about when they go horny on main, or decide you don't particularly want to have, say, cis men who are super into loli as a part of your social circle.

Because I've seen cases where men use that, and other people being shamed for taking issue with how they talk about it because it's not "sex positive" or "you're just like an anti" etc., to raise the temperature on what kinds of creepy and red-flag behaviors are allowed. Or like, people start to get suspicious of things these guys are doing to real people, and question themselves because they worry they're just judging them for liking loli.

I mean, is it wrong to think that a guy who is really into underage girls AND talks a lot about how culture needs to "normalize" it AND makes people feel bad for being uncomfortable with that particular interest of his, is throwing up a lot of red flags for how he's likely to view real women and girls and IRL sexuality?

Once again, I've basically never seen cases where a fanfic writer (other than in some cis-man-heavy fandoms like MLP) who is into some "squicky" dynamic feels like they have to constantly talk about it even to people who are uncomfortable, or feels like they're not "accepted" in a space where they can't constantly bring it up. Maybe they exist. But then maybe it's fair to say that behavior is creepy in a way that just peacefully shipping [whatever "problematic" dynamic] and writing and reading fic for it is not.

But I've seen people be like "a lot of you act like 'well that behavior is only problematic when cis het white men do it' well no i think you're still sex-negative if you're against ANYBODY liking it" and like I'm sorry but power dynamics matter, and HOW you talk about this and to WHOM matters and I think it's just kind of ignorant to act like there isn't a huge difference between how a lot of cis men in anime fandom talk about this shit vs. other kinds of people in fanfic fandom, and that the former is very much informed by the fact that cis men and especially cis het men have cultural power that they are throwing around in the way they influence those spaces.

--

[genericpuff]

Idk if my addition will matter.

I've been following Hanza since back when they were making my deepest secret, so I've seen the development of the guy upstairs first hand and how hanza writes it. Even back in the concept stages, it was so blatantly clear that it was supposed to be a thriller/cat mouse vibe where Adam (killer) was horrible and not to be rooted for. They've compared him to irl serial killers and how those guys will often use women as shields to hide their true selves from the public and how that's messed up and bad to do.

They've shown Adam as a horrible irredeemable person and honestly there's little to no nuance with how they handle it, but that makes sense because how else can you handle an audience like what they've gotten without beating them over the head with the facts. How many ways can you outright show your main character despising and wanting to yank their best friend out of the jaws of a murderer before the audience realizes its not foreplay.

I think them going from an actual romance to a fully thriller non romantic story meant that the residual audience expected some kind of messy toxic romance, but Rozy to me has always explicitly read as Queer so idk why people aren't getting the hint.

I get their frustration and it seems like they might be shifting into a potiential issekai romance about a grandad and a middle aged woman who got reincarnated as his grandson's fiance (hard to explain but its hilarious if you want to check it out) without any thriller elements from their recent non comic posts. Whatever they do I hope they can find something to be passionate about again.

your addition VERY MUCH MATTERS actually because I don't read TGU and have very little context to the situation as a whole aside from what I've seen people talking about, which makes me reluctant to speak on it because I don't wanna go spreading misinformation in any regard. So I appreciate you taking the time to lay it all out for me, thank you!!! <3

And yeah, I've seen posts shared in the /r/webtoons sub from other blogs claiming that Hanza was being an awful person for "taking people's money" and "baiting them" into reading a dark romance story when that's very obviously not what it is? Even one excerpt that was literally like-

And I just... since when is any romance plotline that ISN'T abusive and problematic at its core (such as between a serial killer and a victim) considered "super conservative" and "pure"? It's really baffling to me how people have gone so far in the opposite direction of "purity culture" that they've started arguing on behalf of legitimately harmful and toxic relationships. It's extremely concerning especially when you know the majority of people saying this shit are between the ages of 16-21. IDK what the fuck we're doing anymore when it comes to the romance genre (and TGU isn't even a romance ffs).

Aaaand yeah in relation to where the Hanza topic came up, that's really why I'm moving away from WT as an audience and why I don't consider it a "loss" to not use WT anymore. Once upon a time I wished for Time Gate to be a contracted series, for it to have thousands of readers and be my job. But seeing what's going on with Hanza's work just informs me that I'd be dealing with a lot of the same shit - people expecting Uzuki and Mitsuhiro to be the endgame of the romance when they're literally NOT good for each other, which is the POINT. Like sure, unlike the main duo in TGU, they actually are a couple with a 'relationship' but it's not meant to be healthy and the last thing I need are 15 year olds thinking they're "couple goals". If you ship them in fanfic or w/e the fuck that's fine but please don't get mad at me when they don't wind up being the endgame couple, they're both terrible people and make each other worse when they're around each other (・_・;)

Either way yeah, I don't blame Hanza in the slightest for getting so frustrated with it all that they'd rather just be done with it. It sucks for the more loyal and sane part of their audience that the series is gonna be ripped out from under them like that, but at the end of the day if the creator is being harassed and decide they're done as a result of it... why should they have to keep putting up with bullshit just for a comic? I don't even blame Rachel if she was ending LO by choice due to the noise of the fandom, and unlike Rachel, I don't have anything in the slightest against Hanza or their work LOL But I also don't have the full picture on it all so maybe my opinion will change if I find out more about it. I just don't think any of this shit is worth directly harassing a human being over.

That said, can't get any better than someone who's read their work since before TGU, so again, thank you !

[lulublack90]

About Me

Hi there, Lulu here.

I do have a real name but I prefer to go by Lulu on here and Ao3 so please use that.

I go by she/he/they. Call me what you want I don't mind. It changes day by day for me in the real world, but my friends and family don't know that.

I'm pansexual but again only a few people know that.

I'm in my 30's but have the maturity of a teenager unless I'm in parent mode when I have to pretend to be a grown-up (It does not last long!).

I am a huge huge huge Harry Potter fan (Fuck JK, she's a dick!) My house is full of so many HP-related items. In fact, I think every room has something in it, thank the gods my husband is also a massive nerd.

In case you can't tell I am Neurospicy. I am in the middle of getting diagnosed with ADHD and by that I mean I am procrastinating actually starting the process.

Now where was I?

Oh, yeah I like so much stuff I can't think what else to put here but yeah Harry Potter, mainly Marauders era but I love anything really.

My fav ships are Wolfstar (I've loved them since I was a young thing and didn't even know it was a thing." Jegulus (My new love.) Dramione (Lord have mercy) Drary (Lord I need more mercy) Pandalily (Meep!) Dorlene (Squeek!) I like Marylily as well but not as much, but I love them when I read them.

My asks are open and you can send me whatever you want, no hate please no one needs that in their life and Tumblr is my happy place don't spoil it.

Things that make me happy

You guys. Honesty it's Tumblr, I've only just really found this and all you amazing people who like my silly stories that I've only been writing regularly since December 23 when I found you all. My husband and son make me happy and so do my dogs and cats. I love watching storms and autumn. I read a lot, I crochet, I knit, I write. I am a huge fan of chocolate. If you give me chocolate I will be your friend.

Music

Bowie. Nuff said.

But yeah I like a lot of different stuff, it depends on my mood as to what I listen to. I drive my husband mad because I like songs by lots of people but I can't remember what they're called or who they're by.

Books

My all-time favourite book will always be Prisoner of Azkaban. It is my happy place.

My house is full and I mean full of books. I don't actually know how many I have but last time I estimated I had 300 in my bedroom alone. (There are piles of books in every room 😬)

ACOTAR!!!

Shows/movies

Harry Potter, The Martain, The Princess Bride, Labyrinth, Hunger games, Twilight (Don't judge me they got me through a dark time.), How to train your Dragon, Disney anything, plus others there are so many and I'm bored of listing.

Good Omens, Schitts Creek, Parks and Rec, Bake off, Handmaids tale, It's always sunny, community, Harbin hotel, archer, vampire diaries. Plus more but yeah typing.

Okay I think I'm done but who knows I might add more if I remember.

Love you all

Lulu

xxx

My Ao3 List

These are my fanfics on my ao3

Bitten M- Remus, Sirius and James head to the forest for a fun full moon. Everything is going great until one of them has an accident. (This was the very first fanfic I wrote. It's okay.) Wolfstar. Complete.

The Prisoner T- Sirius Black has been wrongly imprisoned for 12 years. He's bided his time but now its time to escape and right the wrongs of the past.

The Prisoner of Azkaban as told by Sirius Black, filling in the gaps starting with his escape from Azkaban. Wolfstar. Complete.

The Cupboard E- Hiding from Filch and awaiting rescue things get a bit close in the cupboard between Remus and Sirius. Wolfstar smut one shot. Complete.

Birthday E(I think, I'm not good at telling) Sirius finds Remus alone in their dorm room instead of enjoying the party downstairs. Wolfstar. Complete.

The One That Got Away E- James agrees to throw a party at his house. Sirius asks to bring his little brother, how could that possibly affect James at all? Based on the micro fic series I wrote in January. Jegulus. Backcould Wolfstar. Complete.

Jegulus Prompt Series All the prompts I've written on here in one place.

Wolfstar Prompt Series All the prompts I've written on here in one place.

The Way They Were T - While Harry is clearning out Grimmauld Place he discovers that Wolfstar were a thing.

Love Hate and the Ability to Change M - Sirius is taking Remus to the hosital wing on the full moon and Regulus catches them kisses. After some rather nasty words Regulus tells Sirius something about himself.

The Way They Are M - Part two of The Way They Were. Harry and Draco spend more time together and Draco finds another box for Harry, this time from Remus.

[batrachised]

I got tagged by @kraytwriter to do a 20 questions challenge! I've done this one a few times, but I like it every time because it's fun to see how my answers change :D

With that, let's do this!

20 Questions for Writers

How many works do you have on AO3?

A total of 50 across my accounts now! wow!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

ao3 is down so I can't check :( i know its a few hundred thousand!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars, LM Montgomery, and I made a brief foray into Bridgerton that is now dead in the water because I disliked the third season so much D;

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

ao3 is down :( I know my bridgerton fics would probably take up a good chunk of these - writing for it was certainly a lesson in writing for an extremely active fandom. I wrote my fics for the main couple of season 3 in the weeks before and after season 3 came out, and compared to other fandoms it was like drinking from a firehose in terms of response

5. Do you respond to comments?

I TRY! I really love and appreciate all comments i receive (fine, most comments i receive, looking at you hate comments) but I tend to like responding to all comments on the final chapter best. there's still some i want to respond to because they point out details/make jokes that made me guffaw. i used to have the habit of responding to all the comments from the previous chapter when I posted the new chapter, which is something i might pick up doing again

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I LOVE writing surprise angsty endings, it's my form of crack. getting swarms of upset readers on the last chapter is therapeutic to me

i once wrote a fic that I based on calvin and hobbes, where Vader gets de-aged into an eight year old on the executor, the imperials assume he's a stowaway, the ghost of obi-wan has to frantically babysit him throughout various shenanakins until he realizes anakin being as destructive as possible on an imperial ship is actually a great thing, little anakin proceeds to go a merry and destructive ship tour, all is light and merry, and then the ending involves Anakin stumbling across Vader's quarters and then everything plummets into sad/mildly horrific territory - i had a ball

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably a bridgerton fic because it comes with the territory of the fantasy romance. i had a lot of fun writing one that was pure silliness about how dumb Colin was, and I'd say that one simply because of the tone

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally, yes, but it's pretty rare. i can only ever remember deleting one, and I don't even remember what it was.

I do however, get some pretty backhanded compliment ones. i tend to give the benefit of the doubt one those and just take the compliment being shoved from behind

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

this is me when i get a comment slightly pg rated:

all this to say, I would never be comfortable enough to write smut 😭i wrote one - one - long form romance fanfic for anidala once, once, and it's been long hidden under the anon tag because even though i kept things fairly clean, the comments were of a sort where i was not comfortable

10. Do you write crossovers?

nope, and i doubt i ever will unless the stories happen to fit very well together (merlin and harry potter was the only crossover that really ever made sense to me)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes, but i was credited although not asked, so i'm not sure if it really counts

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yup, i've had a couple translated (one without permission lol, see above)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YES, i wrote a fic with @cheesenames that is very dear to me, they are a favorite writing partner of mine because doing "and then they" star wars with them feels like this

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

vader and parenting

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

all of my bridgerton fics. every other WIP i'm stubbornly hanging onto, even if it's been years, but my bridgerton fics suffered from my catastrophic loss of interest in the storyline due to such a badly written season

16. What are your writing strengths?

i find it very easy to be very silly, so crack comes easily to me [sentences that only make sense in fandom context]

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

consistency - i read of terry pratchett and LM Montgomery and flannery o'connor and Chuck Close, who has this amazing quote:

Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightening to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself.

basically, i wish i wrote on a regular schedule because so far literally every good author i've read whose talked about writing has said consistency is necessary

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't know another langauge, and when it comes to fictional languages i'm not a huge fan because my lack of linguistic skills results in sentences that sound like "Gleeble glork glork, glook?"

19. First fandom you wrote for?

star wars! shout out to clifford roommate for telling me I should, I would have literally never written fanfiction in my life if not for her

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

ao3 is down, which makes this an interesting challenge, because i have to remember what i've written. today i'm gonna say a ticklish business

tagging: @healerqueen; @cheesenames; @sparrowsarus; @mollywog

[avelera]

I think there's 2 things that have kept me from reading IWTV show fanfic and/or QotD-informed Devil's Minion fic, despite the fact I'm really excited to see where the show takes that ship and the fact the Vampire Chronicles used to be my entire personality growing up:

Adjusting to a prose voice for IWTV characters that's not Anne Rice. Thing is, I used to read Vampire Chronicles fic back before it was banned on FFN! But it's been so long, and it's been so forbidden for so long that it feels weird even thinking to go looking for it and, honestly, Anne Rice's prose style is very accessible to fic readers, that it's a little like having your favorite fic writer in a fandom and then it's just :-/ not all that interesting to try to go read the same characters in someone else's voice, let alone sifting through anything less that NYT Bestseller-adjacent levels of prose. Basically, wherever am I going to find either someone who perfectly captures the show voices OR perfectly captures the actual author's fanfic-adjacent voice?

How to say this gently.... fanfic has a tendency to soften certain characters and polish off the rough edges? In particular with Daniel/Armand, I'm really not all that interested in fluff or soft fic or even get together fic at this point since that's nowhere near where they're at in the show. I kinda just want to see them hashing out all the decades of drama between them more than I actually want to see them hook up just yet? Like, I think there's some hints, if you squint, that Old Daniel is attracted to Armand, but if they did have a relationship, hooo boy, holy shit that means Armand (probably) non-consensually wiped Daniel's mind of what might have been one of the most significant relationships and most significant periods in his life. It means he's been living a lie since the goddamn 70s. Like... that's still lightyears away from a "romance" just yet, that's goddamn knock-down, drag-out, screaming fight that needs to happen before Daniel would begin to worry about things like, "Do I find this person attractive? Do I want to be on the same continent with them, let alone in the same room?"

And the thing is, that is the kind of fic I'd be interested in reading for show-version Daniel/Armand! If anyone has a rec for a much rougher, sharper, more conflict-driven taken on Daniel learning that 70's Devil's Minion happened (all except for him getting turned) that actually includes Eric Bogosian's trademark tough talk with Armand and his take-no-shit attitude, I'd love to read it.

But at this point I'm almost afraid to even go look because so much of the fandom stuff I've seen on Tumblr around Daniel/Armand is (understandably! fandom tends to write what is missing from canon!) more established relationship or fluffy or even flirty but like I don't even see them as flirty at this point? Except in the most hostile hate-fucking of manners from Daniel and the most otherworldly disconnected way from Armand where even he can't articulate what he wants (honestly, what does Armand want? Does Armand know what Armand wants?? I think the most appealing thing about Devil's Minion is that Armand seems like he can be his own weird self around Daniel, especially in QotD but it feels almost like baby steps in terms of his actual sense of self??).

Anyway, this has gotten away from me, but tl;dr if anyone has like really really tonally show or book aligned IWTV fanfic they'd like to rec I'm all ears! Even as I'm still immensely, fundamentally weirded out at being able to read Vampire Chronicles fanfic again after 20 years ^^;;

[mxrcjqckspnchqsc]

Hiii! If you're accepting requests for prince Friedrich (bridgerton), could I get a Friedrich and reader fic where theyre royalty too and frenemies? And they end up at the same ball and have to dance tgt (obv)? The next day lady whistledown and the ton out there shipping the two so they have to keep up appearances and promenade together all the time? Eventually fall in love!! (+ points if they childishly argue through the whole dance) thanksss💕

Is It Love Or Hate?

Summary: Read request above!

Prince Friederich x gn!reader

Genre: Fluffiest of fluff, (It's also the only thing I can write about but moving on)

Warnings: Romantic themes, strong language(not really just good old british slang that I love very much), and It is a gender neutral reader, y/n(aka you or just plain old y/n) is a princess and wears a dress in this one-shot!!

A/N: Omg omg omg this is my first request, this is so exciting! This request is so cute, I hope you like it! Also I'm sorry for some of the writing is in third person, I just don't really like first person. And I'm sorry this took too long, I'm quite busy with stuff(school) atm. And now because of this request, I wanna make a prince Friederich fanfic lol but I hope you guys enjoy this one-shot!!(Also this isn't proofread so if there are any errors do tell me!)

Y/n groaned at the thought, they were going to yet again another ball, y/n loved being a royal and all but that meant they had the possibility of seeing him, Prince Friederich, Y/n had mixed feelings about him, they would love him and then the next minute, they hate him. As I finally laid down on the couch, my mother busted in, causing them to jump up.

"Mother, what is it? Why must you rush in here as if I did something wrong?!?" I asked.

"Oh no dear, it's just your dress is finally done! You just have to wear it for tonight's ball." Y/m/n explained as she gave you the dress. "Doesn't the color look nice?"

I had to agreed, the colors on the dress were absolutely stunning, y/f/c always looked good on them, always.

"Well I must agree, the dress does look nice." I agreed.

"Perhaps you might even find the one," Y/m/n teased.

"You said that as the last fifty balls," I exaggerated. "It seems people only see me for my looks Mother, nothing more, I told you many times that I wanted to marry for love."

"Then find someone you love, my dear. You know I will always support you." Y/m/n smiled at you and left moments after.

Y/n changed into the dress and was suprised on how the dress complimented her very well.

"Are you ready to go-?" Y/m/n asked as she busted in the room but stopped once she saw y/n. "My dear, you look beautiful."

"Yes mother I am ready to go," I placed the tiara on her head. "Thank you but we must not make haste," I reminded.

"Oh yes yes!" Y/m/n exclaimed. "We shall go to the carriage at once." Y/m/n announced.

Y/m/n linked her arm with Y/n and they left and headed to the ball, moments later, they had arrived.

"I'll be on the lookout for potential suitors, and you Y/n shall be the princess you are and dance with two men tonight." Y/m/n said.

"One," I corrected.

Y/m/n sighed knowing that Y/n wouldn't listen to her. "Fine, you must dance with one man tonight."

"Good, Ah I think I see the Duchess of Hastings right there. I'll leave you be mother!" I called out.

Before Y/n could make her way to Daphne, she was stopped by the one of the many men she didn't want to see tonight.

"You highness, Princess Y/n," Lord Gray bowed down infront of her. "May I have your first dance?" He asked, holding out his hand.

Y/n was about to tell him off when someone did it for her and she didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

"Actually, the Princess had already offered her first dance on her dance card with me." Prince Friederich explained.

"Oh, I see," Lord Gray seemed to buy the lie and walked away.

"Shall we?" Friederich held his hand out.

Y/n only glared at him before taking his hand, the two royals made their way to the dance floor.

"Now look at what you did," I whispered. "I only wanted to dance with one man tonight and now you're fulfilling my mother's wishes and I'm going to dance with two."

Prince Friederich only snickered in response.

"Well I apologize for doing that but it seemed like you didn't want to dance with him." Friederich stated the obvious.

"Yeah well I didn't want to dance with you either and here we are." I smiled sarcastically.

"You can blame my aunt on that, she actually insisted I'd dance with you first tonight." He replied.

Prince Friederich dipped you and pulled you close, making you gasp, he noticed this and backed away. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked confused.

"For making you uncomfortable," He answered rather quickly.

"If anything, you actually made me feel more safe from the viscount, I can see him glaring at us" I laughed and smiled at him, causing him to smiled back as he pulled you in close again.

...

"Y/n, Oh Miss Y/n! Wake up! Your highness, it is urgent!" Evelyn, one of the lovely servants shook you awake.

"I'm up," I mumbled, not fully awake.

"Lady Whistledown wrote about you and the Prince from the dance, you must read!" Evelyn exclaimed.

"Can I atleast get out of my bed first?" I asked, Evelyn nodded excitingly before leaving.

Y/n got up and ready and finally headed down the stairs where they was greeted by not only Evelyn but their mother as well.

"So Lady Whistledown wrote about me in her paper?" I asked.

Y/m/n nodded happily and gave you the paper. When you were shocked, Lady Whistledown wrote about the two of you dancing and how you two would make quite a lovely couple but before you could read anymore, you got called upon by Prince Friederich, he seemed to have read the latest issue quickly this morning.

"Your highness," Evelyn bowed down at him before he stopped her.

"Oh please, just call me Friederich, is Y/n awake yet? I hope I didn't wake her, I just wanted to have a little chat." Friederich smiled.

"And does your little chat include those lovely y/f/fs?" I asked.

I made my way to him and Evelyn, who now exited the room once she took notice of my appearance.

"Oh these," Friederich looked at them as well. "I didn't send them, maybe Lord Gray no Gary sent them." He teased.

Due to his teasing, I snorted and I quickly covered my mouth in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I normally never do that."

"It's fine, it was quite adorable if I were to be honest." Friederich smiled.

I blushed at his words and smiled softly but quickly changed my expression as I still had no idea what he was doing here so I asked. "Well if you will allow me to Prince-"

"Friederich," He cut you off.

"...Friederich, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I was just going to ask if well considering what Whistledown wrote about us, maybe she should write about us even more if you give me the opportunity to court you and take to on a promenade?" He asked.

My eyes widened at his words, he wanted to court me out of all people but I realized that maybe this was just his aunt's doing.

"Are you sure that you want to court me and this isn't your aunt's doing because if it is then I'm gonna have to-" I was cut off again.

"No!" He exclaimed before clearing his throat. "My apologies, I did this on my own. My aunt has no idea I am even here." He chuckled.

"Oh, then yes, I would be delighted to be courted by the only prince I seem to know." I laughed.

...

Y/n and Friederich have been courting for quite awhile now, making this their fifth time going on a promenade, Y/n had developed feelings for him and was wondering just as everyone else was thinking once they saw the latest issue "When will he propose?"

"This is the fifth time we're out to promenade, can we please go somewhere else Friederich?" I asked in a hushed whisper. "The sun is practically setting!"

"Please Y/n, just called me Freddie and to answer your question, we can't go somewhere alone, you know that but perhaps a boat ride would be nice."

"Or hunting or we can pretend to get lost in a flower field?" I suggested.

"A flower field would be nice, hm there is one there," He held up his arm. "Shall we go?"

"We shall," I smiled. "Mother, we'll be right back. We're going to pick some flowers from the field!"

"Okay, stay safe!" Y/m/n exclaimed.

But Y/m/n was distracted with Lady Danbury that she didn't even notice that the two royals weren't going to the flower field but instead the woods.

"Ah the woods, why did you take us here Freddie," I asked.

Friederich blushed at the nickname even though he suggested it but brushed it off.

"I wanted to look at the nature, nature is quite interesting. I mean just look at that bird!" He exclaimed in a hushed whisper.

"That bird does look quite fascinating." I comments, making him smile wide.

"I never saw those in Prussia so they are new to me," Friederich revealed.

"Well maybe if you stay here a little longer then maybe you'll see more," I smiled at him.

"Yeah maybe," Friederich smiled.

I took my eyes off him and laid down to look at the sunset, He laid down beside me.

"It's quite beautiful isn't it?" I asked, referring to the setting sun.

"Yeah, it's breathtaking." He whispered, still staring at me.

I looked back at him when he was indeed already staring, he didn't take one look at the sunset and kept his eyes on me. I blushed and tried to look away when his hand caressed my face and leaned in, he kissed me and I kissed back. When we broke apart, he sat up, I repeated the action and we kissed again, he mumbled something in the kiss that I couldn't decipher..

"Freddie, what did you say?" I asked, my hand resting softly on his cheek.

"I wish to marry you Y/n, I'm in love with you." He confessed.

"The night of the ball when we danced, I lied to you, my aunt didn't say anything about you at all, I chose to dance with you that night because not only are you breath taking, you are the only person that I love competing with and poking fun at with, you're the only person who knows the real me and I love for that, I love that you let me in and that you trust me and you share all your conspiracies about who Whistledown is, you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, kids or no kids, in London or in Prussia. I want you just the way you are because I'm smitten and I love you oh so much. And I completely understand if you don't desire me the same but I couldn't keep it in any longer and I-" Friederich was cut off by you kissing him again, more passionate this time.

When you pulled away, you spoke. "I love you too, I would say that I want you but that's a lie, I need you and I just can't possibly see my life without you in it. Without you, I could probably be married to Lord Gray and I know we are both happy that isn't the reality," We both chuckled before I continued. "Freddie, just know this. No matter where we are or who we're with, I will always be looking at him and with you because you are now my husband to be, and I wish to be your wife forever." I confessed.

I rested my head on his chest and I heard his heartbeat making me calm, I closed my eyes and hugged him, he hugged me back.

"Your wish has been granted, my love." Prince Friederich kissed the top of my head.

[roseus-eli]

Welcome to my blog!

The LGBTQIA+ community is welcome here. :3

My name's Eli and @angelic-pinkheart is my 2nd blog!

I mostly go by the pronouns she/her and they/them, but he/him pronouns are fine too! Mixed pronouns are not a problem for me, either.

I am an afab bisexual aceflux demigirl :)

I'm a minor. If you do anything that makes me uncomfortable, you're getting blocked.

I'm Filipino, but I mostly speak English, although I'd be glad to talk to some fellow filos!

I love reading, especially books and fanfics! I also enjoy listening to music and sleeping. I also write, but I rarely post my written works anywhere.

My super duper bestie is @cheeeryisaro! You guys should check them out sometime. :)

To all my fandom friends, you guys are also my besties. :]

My favorite fandoms and ships:

The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon/Amy (Shamy for life!)

Leonard/Penny (Lenny, my cuties)

Howard/Bernadette

Penny/Amy, because why not

Stuart/Denise

There might be more if I'm being honest…

Death Note

Light Yagami/L Lawliet

Light Yagami/Misa Amane

Light Yagami/Misa Amane/L Lawliet (I actually don't care too much about this one)

Doctor Who

The Doctor/The Master

The Doctor/River Song

Rose Tyler/The Doctor

Thirteen/Yaz

And many more because there are way too many ships to count

Daria

Daria Morgendorffer/Jane Lane

I haven't really thought too much about the ships but here is another obvious one, Helen Morgendorffer/Jake Morgendorffer

Good Omens

Aziraphale/Crowley (ineffable husbands)

Archangel Gabriel/Lord Beelzebub (ineffable bureaucracy)

Again, there's probably more…

Spy × Family

Loid Forger/Yor Forger

Anya Forger/Damian Desmond

There's probably more but I lost count

(Keep in mind, I do occasionally reblog something that isn't related to my favorite fandoms :3)

My AO3 account: roseus_eli

My FF.net account: roseus-eli

also pls don't steal my pfp and header I made them both myself ;3

(This intro post will be updated every now and then.)

[writing-for-life]

The Self-Love, Sex and Pursuit of the Helm Novels

Part 2: Bully for You—An Unhinged Interlude

Okay, I’ve spent the whole @sandman-rarepair-fest with tragic relationships, poetry and being serious.

And while this relationship is also… tragic, it’s neither poetic nor to be taken seriously, although a small group of us are fully committed to the cause: Behold, the crack ship! Morpheus x The Helm! For the Monsterfucker prompt.

(It’s highly advisable to read part one first, but they can sort of exist independently. Just not as well 🤣)

Bully For You: An Unhinged Interlude (2321 words) by Writing-for-Life Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Sandman (TV 2022), The Sandman (Comics) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, Dream of the Endless, Desire of the Endless, The Helm (The Sandman) Additional Tags: I Blame Tumblr, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Or Is It?, Muhulhu, Drat! A HelmLord Story, Murphy and his Cool Hat, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Swearing, Masturbation, Anal Something, Because I have no clue what they are doing honestly, helm fucking, Monsterfucking of sorts, It's a Dream of a Thousand Cats Situation, At least a thousand fanfic writers were thinking of the same thing, but he actually enjoyed it, although he would never admit to it, Dream and the Helm finally get it on, About Time, tags what tags they make no sense, don't get your hopes up, this is not really smut, it has all the marks of being explicit, but somehow it's really not Series: Part 2 of The Self-Love, Sex and Pursuit of the Helm Novels: A Tragicomedy in Three Movements Summary:

Where we witness how the Lord of Dreams loses his bearings (no, not those ones), and even Desire needs a stiff drink…

If you always wanted to know what's so special about Dream's relationship with his Helm (capital H on occasion), this might provide some answers. Or raise more questions than you ever dared to ask...

Excerpt:

Desire had felt… things for a short while but shrugged the sensations off. Until they became impossible to ignore. Because he wanted something without their doing (although what comes first, or who, was sometimes hard to tell, but not to get lost in details at this point, dear reader). In lieu of ridiculous desires like “something beyond my function, blah blah”, it would usually be shaped like a woman. Since Desire had given him Killalla (and maybe, just maybe, taken her away again, which still made them chuckle), he had developed a bit of a kink for female-shaped mortals. Well, they hadn’t all been mortal, but the “female-shaped” still stood. And because of the mere fact that their brother was so painfully strait-laced (we suggest the spelling “straight-laced” here, dear reader), it came as a bit of a surprise to feel those decidedly different vibes. Dream wanted something. But it wasn’t a woman, or anything remotely female-shaped. It was…

What the heck was it?

Desire concentrated really hard.

It seemed to be something forged in the fever dream of a blacksmith who took his inspiration from a lobster and a nightmare. Something otherworldly, something with a spine like the tail of a crustacean. Truly, if a lobster decided to pursue a career in gothic architecture and at the same time became some sort of… headgear, it would probably look like this.

Desire first rolled their eyes but then felt their breath catching. “It’s his fucking helm,” they muttered. “Please give me a break. He wants to fuck his helm…”

Brother Dream, master of the subconscious, running his hand tenderly, with a slight shake, over the spine of that ludicrous thing. Desire laughed out loud, but the laugh was short-lived, because things began to unravel. Rapidly…

Read the rest here (otherwise I have to add a content label 🤣)

[mixelation]

FAQs

Housekeeping post! Last updated 29 June 2024.

General:

Who is Tori?

My OC! Check out her masterpost.

Do you have a tags masterpost?

I'm working on it. :)

How do I refer to you?

I've been telling people to call me Mixel, but some people call me Mix. I use she/they.

Can you tag something for me?

I am not good at remembering to tag things. In general, if you following a blog requires certain things to be tagged, I wouldn't recommend following this blog.

You didn't answer my ask!

I don't answer even close to every ask I get. It's nothing personal! Sometimes I don't have time or energy, sometimes I just don't have opinions on the thing, and sometimes I mean to answer later and then forget and then it gets buried. Sometimes this happens even if I've specifically asked for people to send me stuff via an ask meme. Sometimes I don't answer even when I really want to for various reasons.

Do you want a recommendation?

Please don't send me recommendations unless I have specifically asked for them.

Can I DM you?

I don't like getting DMs from people I don't know. Please don't DM me unless we've talked before (via comments, asks, etc -- anon does NOT count). If you have a question you don't want answered publicly, you can send me an ask and request it be answered privately.

Also: please do not send me posts with zero context. I cannot read your mind and I don't like not knowing what you expect me to do with the post (reblog it, talk to you about, etc). Yes, even if you think the context is obvious. You do not need many words to contextualize a post.

Do you have a DNI?

No, but relevant to being a fandom blog: I am a bonafide adult, and my view on shipping and other fandom activities is basically "I have no right to judge what fictional scenarios other people enjoy or want to explore." If either of those things make you uncomfortable, go ahead and block me.

Can I repost your content to another website? I'll credit you!

For fics, absolutely not. Do not repost any of my creative story writing, fanfic or original fic.

For generic tumblr posts, I am wary of giving permission to repost any sort of content on another site. I can’t stop you reposting screen caps of my posts, and I’m not going to hunt them down or (publicly) complain about screen caps of my post on other sites. But if you come to me actually asking for permission.... the answer is no.

Fandom and fics:

I came here to find the Plasticity AUs and what I found confuses and frightens me.

Not to worry! I made a masterpost.

Why did you change your user name?

Here's a post about it. Most relevant notes form that post: 1. Don't refer to me by my old user name, even on other sites. 2. If you find an old tumblr link that's broken, you can replace my old user name with "mixelation" and it will work again!

Can I do ______ with your fic?

I have a permissions statement on my AO3 profile. I try to keep this up-to-date as my feelings on how my work is used evolves.

Can I tag you/send you a post that reminds me of your fics?

Yes, but please explain that's what you're doing. Please don't send me context-less posts. I cannot read your mind through the internet.

I might retract permission for this if I start getting a ton, just for my own sanity. But so far it's been fine.

How do I send you fan art?

Most people have been sending them by asks, but you can also post them to your own blog and @ me, or else comment on the fic itself or send me a link via tumblr asks. Give me a few days to interact before following up.

When are you going to update _____? Is _____ abandoned?

I have a busy life and what fic I work on in my free time is controlled by the whims of my brain. There's no schedule and I am unlikely to be able to give you an estimate. I will tag a fic as abandoned on AO3 if I decide there's no way it will ever get updated. For some fics for which I get this a lot:

Homemade Dynamite - I actually have about 95% of chapter 13 written. Chapter 12, however, is only like half written and I have a pretty big block on it. :(

Fun and Games - I do hope to continue this one, and I have a decent chunk of the next chapter written, plus notes + an outline for the rest of the fic. Unfortunately, to keep writing it, I have to do a decent amount of research on HP canon, and certain recent events have really soured by motivation to interact with that canon.

I found a fic I think you would like!

Please see my answer about recommendations. Don't send them unless I've asked, no matter how good you think it is.

[pipermca]

Feedback Fest 2024

In honour of International Fanworks Day (today! February 15) I am posting some fic recommendations that I've made in the past. (I am super swamped at work and can't write up any new recs, but I previously rec'd these over on my main blog over the past few years. I'm collecting them together again here on my writing blog!)

These ten rec's are in no particular order, and all are in the Transformers fandom (with some crossovers). Ratings and pairings (if relevant) are noted.

(I also had to split this list into two parts because I waxed too poetic about these fics. See my reblog for the next part. 🙂)

Frivolities by @neveralarch (G, Megatron & Starscream). Summary: “My correct form of address is in my ID tag,” snapped Starscream. “Use it or lose your tongue.” My comments: I love this story. I love it so much I’ve recommended it to people who would ordinarily never read Transformers fanfic, simply because I think they’d appreciate what the author is doing. They took canon and fanon, and from it alchemized a story of dysphoria and wanting to be seen and acknowledged in a way the character wants, and wrapped it up in a tidy package that hits like a truck, and have I mentioned I love this story! (makes fists) Read it!

Working Through It by @trinarysuns (M, Skywarp/Thundercracker/Marissa Faireborn). Summary: “TC,” Skywarp says, “I’m, like, ninety percent sure that humans don’t have interface cables.” Thundercracker squawks and almost knocks him over trying to get the script out of his hands. My comments: I can’t say enough about this story. I love it and it pushed so many buttons for me. Not even smutty buttons, just interaction buttons: humans interacting with giant alien robots, old loves reuniting, logitical issues of interspecies getting it on… Tumblr deleted my review of this story, (SIGH) so I reposted my review on DW here. It says a lot more about this fic!

The Soft Rush of Black Static by Monstrosibee (NR, Bluestreak/Prowl). Summary: Prowl doesn’t know a lot of bots on this newly salvaged Cybertron, and he definitely doesn’t know the bot intruding on his construction site. My comments: While this fic is essentially a fix-it fic for a story from the Aligned continuity, it just destroyed me. You can read the basics of what happened between Bluestreak and Prowl on TFWiki (at the end of Chapter 7 of The Covenant of Primus) but it was devastating to actually read how upset Prowl was by what happened. This short little fix-it brought all those emotions back and then healed them. I loved this.

Someone You Might Have Been by @astolat (T, Megatron/Optimus Prime.) Summary: I didn’t love him because he wasn’t you. My comments: I'm rec'ing this because it's just pure "this is exactly what I want to read!" for me. This is a delightful mashup of the Shattered Glass universe and G1, in which the Optimus Primes from each universe get (temporarily) swapped. It’s an amazingly heartwrenching MegOP story.

Crash Site by Slyboots (G, Breakdown/Knock Out). Summary: June Darby does not believe in aliens, or in haunted highways, or in government conspiracies, or in any other small-town folklore. The new mechanics in town are uncanny, all the same. My comments: I am a sucker for Transformers: Prime fics, and one of the (it's canon! suck it Hasbro) ships from the show that I love is Knock Out/Breakdown. But besides that, I just love the vibe of this story. You can feel Knock Out and Breakdown in it, even if June doesn’t really see them, except out of the corner of her eye. And I am SO HERE for the idea that the two of them got some lovely downtime together before the events in TFP.