#this means studying the lore in depth… i need to lock in

[junpcs]

in the atz timeline… cléo goes thru the skz survival show as a member of what would eventually become itzy methinks. leaves jyp after skz debuts, auditions at kq, and stays in the basement as the sole female trainee for the next few months.

all these alt timeline posts makes me want to consider alt timelines for cléo…

[tigreblvnc]

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP — @araerry

Your match is...

— Michael Kaiser

✦ OK, this intro is going to be very long and unnecessary, BUT

✦ I had to tell you about my writing process for your matchup.

✦ I read your entire bio in one go, commenting out loud, and I thought it was rare to read such depth in someone's words. It's not common and it intrigued me a lot.

✦ Honestly, I think very few characters can match you because it would require someone who can truly understand who you are, and I don't think that's something everyone can do.

✦ … And it might seem ultra paradoxical to you, but I actually thought of many people to match you with! However, there was always something missing or unconvincing.

✦ My choice was therefore quite limited, and not knowing your age range, even though I thought of some older characters, I refrained from going in that direction. But I'll tell you more at the end of the post if you're interested, where I'll mention the other characters I considered for a match.

✦ I thought of older characters because you really evoke someone who has long since surpassed adolescence! I know the particular context in which you grew up has a lot to do with it, and that's why I couldn't see myself matching you with someone still too immature.

✦ We haven't even gotten to the heart of the matchup yet, but I find your profile extraordinarily interesting. I mean, as a person behind your screen, you must be someone really fascinating to be around. This is the first time I've received such a detailed description with such precise content, so really, thank you! It's a blessing for me.

✦ (I love getting so much material; the more I have, the more I want to write!! MOUHAHAHA)

✦ -- Well, you're rambling but you still haven't started the headcanons, Yuno, right…

✦ First of all… It may sound cliché, but I absolutely wanted the suitor to be capable of spontaneously bringing flowers lol

✦ It's my romantic side speaking…

✦ This is the first time I'm giving Kaiser to someone, and I was waiting for very specific traits to say "this is the right person".

✦ In my understanding of his character, he absolutely needs someone who can take care of others. This is the very foundation of the relationship.

✦ "my maturity also comes from me being an older sister, in friend groups I’m usually the big sister of the group (sometimes mother) even If i’m usually always the baby of the group." -> THIS. It's exactly what I was waiting for!!!

✦ We can say that he is now independent and master of himself, but I believe that all his wounds come from the fact that no one knew how to give him love in his childhood.

✦ "with emotions I find it very hard to express my emotions, for me emotions are very complicated, I never can understand what I feel or what others feel" I don't see him being good at expressing his feelings either, because he was never given the space to do so.

✦ "and this is how my big psychology interest was born" He did it too, partly for personal gain. But I think if today we see him more expressive (it's relative, but he is still much more communicative than in the past when he joined Bastard München), it's thanks to his study of psychology. Imitating the behavior of others to blend in better. Understanding others to manipulate them better…

✦ Maybe you could see through his game. You show little emotion, you talk little about what you feel. It makes you hard to read, and… all the more desirable for those who try.

✦ Your first meeting probably took place in the past, after Kaiser was arrested by the police. They noticed his condition and his injuries, the treatment he was undergoing. He had to be taken to the hospital to check that nothing was broken. It was during this short period that you first saw each other.

✦ He saw the flowers you were growing.

✦ Guess where his tattoo comes from?

✦ (I'm going to create a whole lore about you and an alternative origin of his tattoo)

✦ I think that before you, he hadn't interacted with many other children his age either. He had always lived locked up, with no one to take care of him. He didn't go to school at all and learned the basics of life on his own. Reading, writing, stealing.

✦ This gap with society was a decisive element in your relationship.

✦ If he didn't listen to anyone, neither doctors nor police officers, wanted to hit everyone… I like to imagine that when he saw you, everything in him calmed down.

✦ For the first time, Kaiser wanted to listen to someone talk.

✦ And you were so calm, so shy.

✦ But he intrigued you, this wild boy from nowhere.

✦ Both of you had trouble with social norms. You didn't understand them, it wasn't your world.

✦ I think he was sincerely touched by your situation, even if he didn't physically show it.

✦ "I don’t like people," when he heard you say that, he felt like he was hearing himself.

✦ "I don't like them either," he replied.

✦ Between you, it was a game of taming. Distant, secret, silent, very powerful.

✦ You probably talked about very hard and painful subjects together, especially for your age. But it only scared others who couldn't imagine that two children could have such strength of character.

✦ Maybe he showed you what his father did to him.

✦ Never with words. Only showing.

✦ You understood, every time.

✦ "people have said that I remind them of old paintings" I can understand if they said that because you are someone pleasant to look at. You must have something peaceful, exuding a serenity immortalized, like in a painting. The features of Renaissance paintings are rather soft, you know?

✦ Speaking of painting, I'm sure he liked watching you paint. He didn't say anything, just sat on the floor, watching you brush the canvas. It had something restful, hypnotic that helped him fall asleep. It was something beautiful, and Kaiser had never seen anything beautiful until then.

✦ By any chance, did you draw him while he was sleeping?

✦ "I like sculpturing, mostly Hellenistic sculptures (classical Greek sculptures)" Kaiser's physical appearance tells me he would make a superb Greek statue, and maybe in the future, once the World Cup is won, you'll be the one to create it.

✦ "I’ve always been told I’m intimidating and hard to approach because of my face and my 'aura'" Honestly, I don't think Kaiser ever felt intimidated looking at you. He simply saw someone who, like him, was tired of life.

✦ I want to say that, due to the conditions in which he grew up, his general knowledge was very undeveloped. You talked to him about the stars, he remembers, and today he knows which direction to look at the sky to find their constellation.

✦ "I also love flowers and birds I know so many flower meanings and have a garden where I grow many flowers and plants actually" Were there any of those plants in your room? The ones Kaiser saw the first time he came.

✦ I like to imagine that even after joining Bastard München, a part of you remained etched in him.

✦ The dishes served by the club were never good. Never as good as the ones you made for him.

✦ Maybe you are one of the few to have a photo of him before his rise in football.

✦ "I have dark red hair (I dyed it)" I think he asked Ness for a blue gradient in his hair to echo your red hair dyed by yourself. It struck him when he saw you with it.

✦ Nowadays, he's in the middle of a match against PXG in Japan. It's right now that he's proving himself, learning to deconstruct himself to bring out the best version of himself. I like to think that once he returns to Germany, it will be to come and see you and say "I did it."

✦ It's to those we love that we are the proudest to announce our successes.

A word about your match: Okay, I gave everything I had in this matchup lol. Hope you enjoyed it. BY THE WAY, the other ones I thought of were Ego (yes), Rin, Sae, Chigiri, and Yukimiya, the latter two partly because they had known the hospital too.

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | AUGUST '24 MATCHUPS EDITION.

[idcpxseur]

For the character bingo, you know I’m gonna have to ask about MCD Garroth - IzzyIzz on her main blog because you can’t send asks on side blogs even though she’s more active on mcdgarroth (very annoying)

BLBLLBLBLB HI IZZY!!!

GOD I LOVE MCD GARROTH SO BAD IM SO RGRHGHRHRHG

okokokokok lets get into it.

so garroth (as a whole) was the biggest and worst target to jesson's character slander rampage to make aaron look better. i will believe this until i die you can argue with a FUCKING WALL about it

BUT GOD i love mcd garroth so bad. both he and laurence shaped and became the standard for my GAY ASS. i would die and kill for mcd garroth even though he does not need my help and he can protect himself.

MCD Garroth, to me, represents a lot of untapped character potential because he got sidelined for less interesting characters to take center stage. like why dont we know anything else about his home life despite his father becoming an asshole and his mother being the only role of protection in his life? i mean hes been one of the protagonists for longer than laurence but laurence gets WAY, WAY more depth since garroth was locked in the irene dimension fighting zane.

i know that we technically couldn't have gotten cutaways for the garroth and zane fight which is why i lowkey hate the whole "for every minute that passes in irene's dimension, years go by on earth" because dont you understand HOW COOL it couldve been for like a big bad brother showdown. garroth desperately trying to cry out for the brother that he keeps imagining in his mind and zane hardblocking him because he is NOT that brother and hes TIRED of living in garroth's shadow despite garroth being "dead and gone" for YEARS

or like even better, imagining that zane was completely normal and non-corrupt until garroth "died" and he just couldn't stomach the grief and went on a warpath.

i honestly forgot a lot of the mcd lore in my quest to rewrite specifically mystreet but just like IMAGINE it

okay so that ended up being more about the ro'meaves in general but i LOVE LOVE LOVE mcd garroth. i honest to god think hes probably one of the best characters in mcd in terms of sheer depth and lore. hes like the ocean, we've only discovered about 10% of him and i just want to STUDY HIM

[chips-and-fish]

Among Us Lore - General II

in my last theory post i talked about how the sabotage affects the imposters and it’s time to go more in depth about this

so first off we know that imposters sabotage in order to make the environment more comfortable for themselves

on both the Skeld and Mira HQ, there are four types of sabotaging plus the bonus of locking doors

however, on Polus there are only three

on the Skeld/Mira there are reactor meltdown, comms, lights, and O2

on Polus there is only comms, lights, and seismic stabilizers

this is because the Skeld and Mira HQ are mostly human environments Mira HQ being the headquarters of scientists who want to study the imposter parasite (which i will explain later) and the Skeld being a supposedly mostly human inhabited ship traveling in space

because of the O2 sabotage task we know that imposters can survive without oxygen but as they do not die when O2 is fixed, this means they can survive with oxygen as well

why? because as you know, parasites can’t exist on their own. the very definition of a parasite is that which lives off a host and causes detriment to the host 

so the parasite, born on Polus, has inserted themselves into a crewmate and taken control of the body

this explains how the host body can survive off of regular oxygen but the parasite needs to sabotage O2 in order to breathe non-oxygen air 

which is why on Polus, there is no sabotage O2 because Polus is part indoor and part outdoor and there would be no use to sabotaging O2 on Polus as the host body needs at least some form of oxygen to survive

if the parasite sabotaged O2 on Polus, then there would be no other way of receiving oxygen because the rest of the Polus environment is the non-oxygen air

assuming that O2 on Polus only works indoors makes sense because it is almost impossible to provide O2 for an entire planet off of one tree and especially even more implausible that scientists at Mira would be able to change the air of an entire planet with just one base

there are no plants or living things growing on the outside of Polus, only snow and the lava pit

however, on Mira HQ you can see plants sitting around and even a whole greenhouse with sustained plant life

as for the seismic sabotage task on Polus, this is the equivalent of the reactor on the Skeld and Mira

a seismic stabilizer helps to maintain homeostasis on an environment, usually by keeping something stable during an earthquake but also they regulate the weather of a given environment 

which makes sense for keeping Polus livable as it is extremely cold there given the almost constant stream of snow

Polus is the home planet of the imposter parasite, the cold suits them as they are warm creatures with low heat tolerance 

just as with the reactor, the parasite dislikes how the seismic stabilizers bring the temperature of Polus up so the humans can survive as they very much prefer the natural cold environment 

however, there is a live lava pit on Polus, which seems strange considering the constant pour of snow

i’ll go more in depth on this with my map lore posts but essentially my thought is that the parasite grows in the lava

which is how they are able to generate incredible body heat and survive on Polus but when given additional heat such as from the reactors on Mira and the Skeld they dislike feeling over heated due to their low heat tolerance 

[fate-weaver]

Looking for Contacts: Eadwine Wolfheart (Mateus/Crystal DC)

The Basics ––– –

NAME: Eadwine Philomena Wolfheart

AGE: Adult (23~ Summers)

RACE/CLAN: Hyur, Highlander

GENDER: Female

SEXUALITY: Demiromantic, Bisexual

MARITAL STATUS: Single

Physical Appearance ––– –

HAIR: Shoulder length auburn locks that spend most of their time tied up in a ponytail. Any hairstyle is acceptable that keeps it out of her mouth and face.

EYES: Pale Green, Pistachio

HEIGHT: 5’9”

BUILD: Wide shouldered and brawny; Eadwine has the physique of someone who has seen a lifetime of heavy lifting and labor.

DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Facial tattoos frame her eyes; only partially completed, the outlines of crescent moons stand out as fresh ink. Freckles, scars and the occasional burn cover Eadwine’s body, she’s seen her fair share of sun and fighting.

COMMON ACCESSORIES: Heirloom Tarot Deck, Gilded - Her first deck, gifted to her by her mother, Eadwine carries this deck in a velvet pouch wherever she goes. Occasionally she will decorate her hair with hawk feathers for ceremonial purposes.

Personal ––– –

PROFESSION: Fateweaver, Priestess of Nymeia, Adventurer.

HOBBIES: Sparring, gathering materials (woodworking & blacksmithng), studying astrology

RESIDENCE: None, frequents Inns and Taverns across Eorzea. Most commonly found around Ul’dah’s Quicksand.

BIRTHPLACE: The Peaks, Gyr Abania

PATRON DEITY: Nymeia, The Spinner

FEARS: Blindness, Atelophobia, Yarzon, being abandoned by family

Relationships

SPOUSE: none

CHILDREN: none

PARENTS: Raina & Ogmund Wolfheart; A Fateweaver and Clan Patron that oversee Caer Valar, a holding in the Peaks of Gyr Abania.

SIBLINGS: Two brothers and one sister, all younger (NPCs)

OTHER RELATIVES: Armes Wolfheart, the first Fateweaver; Matron of the Wolfheart line. (Great-great grandmother, deceased)

PETS: Alfsigr - work chocobo

Traits

extroverted / introverted / in between

disorganised / organised / in between

close minded / open-minded / in between

calm / anxious / in between

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between

outspoken / reserved / in between

leader / follower / in between

empathetic / unempathetic / in between

optimistic / pessimistic / in between

traditional / modern / in between

hard-working / lazy / in between

cultured / un-cultured / in between

loyal / disloyal / in between

faithful / unfaithful / in between

Additional Information

SMOKING HABIT: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

DRUGS: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

ALCOHOL: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

RP hooks/OOC stuff:

RP Hooks

Fateweaver: (personal headcanon) A reclusive sect of Oracles that only live among the mountain dwelling clans of Highlanders in Gyr Abania. The most notable are of the Wolfheart Clan, known for using many forms of divination (tarot, runes, and pendulum) in sync with their own ability to ‘see’ possible futures. A talent akin to the Echo, it only develops in select individuals; however, the Sight is hereditary, and is typically passed on from mother to daughter. While outsiders may see this type of Sight as a blessing, Fateweavers lose their natural vision over time, eventually going completely blind. Never forget that each gift has a price..

Readings / Priestess of Nymeia: As an Oracle of Nymeia, Eadwine offers simple card readings to those that ask. More in-depth readings or consultations can be arranged by letter or by happening upon the Fateweaver while she nurses a flagon of something strong in the Quicksand’s lounge. (or in any other public setting) Like other Priestesses she can confer blessings or heal wounds, and does so at nearby temples weekly.

Blade for Hire: Eadwine will sell her sword arm for extra gil when pressed. Make her a good enough offer and you’ll have a loyal companion with the ability to heal minor wounds, provide defense, and the uncanny ability to sense danger. A welcome addition to most adventuring parties or persons needing a bodyguard.

Resourceful: In her spare time, and to make gil in her new home of Ul’dah, Eadwine has taken up botany and mining. She collects trade supplies to sell at the Markets as well as to private craftsman. Commission her to do some gathering for you and save yourself the trouble!

New to the City-States: Eadwine led a relatively sheltered life in the mountains. Only knowing her family and the other clans they shared land with, she has some trouble navigating the intracicies of city-life. Choosing to leave Gyr Abania after coming of age, Eadwine has found herself in -slightly- over her head. Some may notice her naivety, and others will take advantage; which will your character be?

Looking For

Enemies, friends, competition, and more! Overall looking for plot but if you take some interest in Eadwine and have an idea, feel free to approach me with it. ICly she is still settling into life in Ul’dah and will likely be looking for ways to establish herself with a Free Company or another means of making gil.

I’m also interested in doing IC tarot readings and material gathering! (botany/mining/fishing) DM me for more info~

Availability

I live in the Eastern Standard Time Zone (UTC - 5) but likely to be online at odd hours with a tendency to be on at night or early morning. what is sleep?

I prefer in-game or discord rp, and will be up for RP as long as I’m online and don’t have the ‘busy’ icon up!

Contact Me: Discord (hierophant#6079) or PM me here on tumblr. Feel free to approach in-game! Eadwine Wolfheart - Mateus

Style/Preference Notes

I lean towards paragraph response and dialogue, though I’m working on short and quick sentences! While I appreciate ERP, it just isn’t for me, and if it does come up in a scene I prefer it to have a reasonable build-up. In a private RP setting I’m willing to do some lore breaking with explanation!

Themes: Will RP most anything with the exception of r*pe, and death of my character. Darker Themes welcome (crime, drug use, espionage, injury….. etc)

[webcricket]

Looking Glass

Chapter 24 - Heaven is a Place on Earth

Pairing: CastielXAU!Reader

Word Count: 1611

Summary: The seraph and his love settle into the relative normalcy of life in the bunker - how long will the honeymoon last? Warning for a suggestively erotic non-explicit adult situation. One more chapter remains before we bid adieu. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Miss a chapter? Have a Masterlist Link!

Staring into the two by two crate repurposed as luggage overflowing with stuff set on the end of the bed, the surge of a smile crests your cheeks. The gladness arises not from the realization the relatively small container holds more superfluous crap than you’ve owned in years – most of the items totally unnecessary for basic survival and impractical for travelling light – it’s the notion of putting down roots, calling somewhere home, and having the comfort of someone with which to share the physical and emotional space such a home represents that draws out the manifestation of pure delight.

Grasp sliding along the sides of the wooden box to lock into the notched handles, ginger on the roughened surface to avoid splinters, you drift a final glimpse around the stripped bunker room where you first woke up in this strange and wonderful world – the very same day you met a seraph who challenged your beliefs about celestial beings and whose kindness and persistent, although not always patient, concern changed everything.

It was Cas’ idea, moving in – air quotes implicit – with him. Practically speaking, since you spend whatever free time you have together, well, together, the proposal made sense; especially considering other refugees live crammed into storage cells sleeping on stacks of dusty file folders in lieu of mattresses and stowing their sundries on shelves lined with lore books in languages too ancient to comprehend.

“Oh, uh, sorry-” a voice pitched to tinny heights by nerves meekly announces itself from the shadow of the hall door standing ajar.

Your glance shifts to a girl burdened beneath a backpack and shrouded in stained jeans and a tattered olive-colored jacket ringed by a dingy faux-fur collar. You recognize the youthful porcelain features and furtively darting eyes of the young woman and smile warmly. “Hi, Maggie. Come on in.”

In an undertaking of momentous effort given the weight strapped to her shoulders, she strains a step inward and bends, nearly buckling to the floor with it as the backpack lands inside the threshold with a dense thud. Evidently she never caught on to the adage of packing light. Nevertheless, she survived. “Sam said this room would be open in the afternoon-” She peers at a non-existent watch on her wrist, rubs the bare flesh in self-conscious habit, and hides the whole hand in her pocket. “I-I guess I’m a little early.”

“Right on time,” you reassure. Without the fallout filtered shine of the sun, you’re not yet used to reckoning time here in the artificially-lit depths of the bunker either. “I was just clearing out.” Focus flitting to the hole in her pocket where her buried fingers fidget, you remember a magenta jacket worn once mixed in amidst your surplus bounty of belongings. “Hey, I have something you might like.” Rifling through the box, you yank out the article and toss it in her direction.

She dives to catch the fabric projectile, strokes the satiny finish, admires the color, and stares up at you; an unuttered – Are you sure? – glimmers in her wide-eyed gaze.

“I don’t really need two coats, you know?”  You resettle the rumpled contents of the crate. “And the color compliments you.”

“Thank you!” She beams; the gift, along with the compliment, opens the proverbial floodgates of sociability. “You’re with the angel, right?”

Right. The skin on your nape crawls – the bunker’s a tiny place these days with so many people occupying it and every single one of them damn well knows you’re with the angel. Sam made it a point to involve you in aiding the other survivors as they adapt to this world in order to break down the barriers of your angelic intimacy inhibiting them from trusting you. You get it – once upon a time you thought all angels were dicks, too. Defensive instinct kicks in at her comment. “His name is Castiel.” You direct the grit of the answer into the tenseness of the fists grabbing the edges of the box. A sliver punctures your pinky.

She looks at her feet, blushing, apologetic. “I didn’t mean-” she mumbles, meets your eyes to express sincerity– “I meant, what’s it like? Being with-”

“An angel?” you finish the query, biting the inside of your lower lip in self-recrimination for getting riled over the friendly conversation of a curious and grateful girl. “Sorry, I just … I’ve heard some of what the others say about us. He’s a good guy and what we have, it feels really … normal.”

“Normal-” She smiles, irises wistfully glazing and rolling upward in reflection– “that sounds nice.”

Heaving the box up to balance on the slope of your hip, you clasp her arm commiseratively as you shimmy past, ignoring the shard of wood stinging your skin. “I’ve learned anything is possible in this world. You can have that now, too – normal, nice. It’s safe here. I promise.”

“Safe.” She mouths the word, swallows the syllable in wonderment as you disappear into the hallway. Spinning to study the barren beige walls of the room, seeing possibilities in the blank canvas, bending to pick up her pack and drag it toward the dresser, she says the word again, imbuing the sound with confidence of truth. Of belief. “Safe.”

Perception perked, smile snagged at the corner of his mouth, Cas follows the sweetly noted treasure of a song to the yawning entryway of his quarters; his, he reminds himself, and as of today, yours, too. He stops to watch your figure swaying in front of the dresser, humming an unidentifiable and melodic tune as you fold pieces of clothing and tuck them into the drawers.

With you inhabiting the space, the light of the room glows significantly warmer; the cold décor seems somehow cozier. The room was never one he sought out before, never a place he felt a particular connection to aside from the fact Dean deemed number 15 as officially in angelic possession when it became clear the heavenly dispossessed being had unofficially blessed the bunker as his official home base; Dean happened to be half in the bag drunk that night and the bestowment of the bedroom may have been purely so the hammered hunter could slur some smirked joke about an Inception-style movie meta of an occupied vessel occupying a room.

The muffled shutting of the top drawer and scrape asunder of the one below tugs Cas into the present. He worried asking you to stay with him so early in your relationship might be perceived as presumptuous on his part. This world may be novel to you, but as an angel the navigational nuances of a loving liaison exist in a land foreign to him – one discovered, explored, and mapped out piece by piece with every moment you share. There’s no doubt in his heart and mind he loves you; and yet, he is also learning how to love you day by day.

Heeding to the guidance of the naturally arising – albeit frequently hedonistic in origin – impulses afflicting his vessel when in your presence has proven useful. He succumbs to one such an urge now, treading noiselessly across the threshold to slot his body against yours; skimming his hands over your stomach, he sinks his stubbly chin to your neck to stamp a kiss upon the delicate skin. “How was your day, my love?”

Laughter of surprise lilting your tongue, folded tee held aloft in your fingers tumbling to the floor, you relax into his rigid physique and stretch your neck to give his ticklish affections ample and unrestricted access. “Good – great, now that you’re here. How’d it go with the ghoul?”

He groans, a vibration of breath ghosting your ear.

“That good, huh?” you tease. In the mirror mounted above the dresser, you observe him nuzzle the sensitive spot below your ear until, lashes lowering in delight, you shudder and squirm, weak-kneed with a knot of anticipation forming in your belly.

They – he, Sam, and Dean in a tag-team trio – have tried to set a routine of hunting to keep Jack distracted, to train those of the refugees who are willing to fight a different foe. No one is talking about the impossibility of returning to the apocalypse world to take Michael to task. Deep down, for all the speeches and good intentions, no one really wants to go back; and without an archangel, that door is mercifully closed.

When he lets up in his worshipful ministrations, your eyelids flutter open to meet the eclipsed blue of his reflected gaze. “I missed you, angel.”

“I missed you, too.” His fingertips test the heated waters of flesh beneath the hem of your shirt, sparking grace where they caress and a blissful aching in your nethers. “I heard you praying – perceived your longing.” The digits wander below your navel, lifting the elastic band of your shorts to stray further still. “Those prayers – they’re inappropriate as far as holy entreaties go, don’t you think?” Arching a brow, the smile brimming to scrunch his eyes and nose tells you he enjoyed every licentious word.

“Yes, Cas,” you purr, less acknowledgment of impiousness, more yearning. Fingers wrap the seraph’s wrist and push his pursuit of your pleasure permissively toward its goal.

“Dean found another case,” he murmurs and nips at the shell of your earlobe, “we leave in a few hours.”

“So soon?” You gasp the last word, thighs trembling as his fingers and their tingling grace glide home to sheath your senses from all but the seraph’s touch.

He groans again into your neck, softly speaks in a gravelly choked cadence you’ve come to comprehend is Enochian. You don’t know the precise meaning; you can guess.

Next: Ch. 25 - Corollaries

[bodegacowboy]

Chasing the sun director’s cut

In case you don’t like FF.net for some reason. I’m posting the story here as well This is the Director’s cut version to a story I first posted here a few years ago. Enjoy (P.S This is a really long post)

So what do you need to know about this fic? It was based sort of on canon about 3 years ago. By that I mean it mostly tried to fit within "canon" with a few of the more unnecessary details tossed out. For example I didn't bother dealing with SaiIno so that doesn't exist here. Obviously if you've continued to follow the canon story line (I haven't) much more lore has been added via Boruto. I considered researching the current lore to further modify the story but in the end I decided against it.

If this story had to take place on a timeline it would have been maybe around two years after chapter 700 but whatever.

Disclaimer: There is an affair in this fic so y'know don't read it and get your feelings hurt.

I don't condone cheating in real life and if cheating occurred in canon I'd go "hey that 's a little weird for kid's story and its really out of character"

But this is a fanfic. And I think canon broke many of the characters so...

So without further ado, please enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shame engulfed him the moment he regained consciousness. Physical discomfort soon arrived mercifully distracting Naruto from his emotional distress. This was a hangover that would have made his godfather and Tsunade proud. After rallying the willpower to combat his pounding headache Naruto took a moment to assess his situation. Once again his mind returned to Jiraiya and words of wisdom from the toad sage bubbled up from the muddy depths of his mind.

If you ever find yourself waking up in a strange place after a night of hard drinking you need to try and remember three things. As soon as possible make sure you can remember where you should be, what you were doing before you blacked out and who you should be waking up with. Don't even move until you can answer at least two out of three of those questions.

Dozens of questions galloped through his head but Naruto willed himself to concentrate on Jiraiya's three. Bits and pieces of his long term memory resumed functioning and what he remembered brought a smile to his face.

He was in Amegakure. He was in the village's recently built Imperial hotel. He was here because he had been witnessing history. He was here for the first ever chunin exam sponsored by the United Shinobi Forces. The chunin exam was now a multinational biennial examination featuring hundreds of genin gathered from every shinobi village that was a current member of the ever-growing shinobi alliance. If that wasn't impressive enough it also doubled as a Kage Summit.

The kages of each nation of the alliance would come together to discuss worldly matters while the youngsters of their villages attempted to advance in the ranks. It was an unprecedented event and a significant step towards peace talks on a continental scale.

And it was all his idea.

Naruto sat up sporting a smile that ran from ear to ear. He had spent a tremendous part of his first years as Hokage working diligently to convince the others kages and daimyos to support this project. His smile widened to a grin when he recalled the grand festivities of the opening ceremonies. Indeed his hard work had paid off. So why had he had been black-out drunk again?

His grinned faded when the answer surfaced in his consciousness. Picking himself off the hotel room floor Naruto staggered over to the nearby couch. After drawing in a deep breath he thanked his lucky stars that the kages had voted against bringing their families to this first event for safety reasons.

"This is not exactly Hokage behavior" He muttered himself. Though upon further reflection Tsunade drank like a fish and she did a great job.

"I should ask her for tips" Naruto said with a chuckle that tapered off into a heavy sigh. "Now I'm talking to myself. What a mess."

A knock on the hotel room door reverberated through his entire body.

"Who is it?!" Naruto called out as he massaged his forehead.

"Sai."

"The door is open...I think"

The door indeed was open. Carrying a small briefcase in his hand Sai slid into the room with the quiet precision of a thief. Naruto annoyed by Sai's slow and methodical tiptoe towards him cut right to the elephant in the room.

"How drunk was I last night Sai?"

Sai looked his Hokage over. "Good morning, how are you feeling?"

"How drunk was I last night Sai?"

"Very"

"In public?"

"No."

"Good." Naruto studied his friend and current bodyguard. He glanced at the briefcase in Sai's hand.

"What's that?"

Sai placed the briefcase down on the coffee table before Naruto. He then deftly thumbed the briefcase's combination lock before popping it open and revealing the treasure within.

"This is Sakura's journal" Sai said.

Eyes widened Naruto asked. "Why did you have that?"

"You ordered me to take it from her room."

In response Naruto hung his head in shame.

Sai shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "So I take this to be a prank?"

Confused Naruto glanced up at his friend.

"I noticed you and Sakura had regained your past playfulness."

"You noticed that huh?" Naruto said with a snort.

"It is a shinobi's duty to pay attention."

"Well yes-this is a prank gone horribly wrong" Naruto said solemnly. He met Sai's gaze "Alcohol and pranking should never mix."

Sai nodded. "Yes, this is a very brave prank"

"A stupid prank Sai. From now on don't take orders from me when I am drunk."

Sai considered this for a moment. "So if you are drunk and we are attacked and you order me to save your life I should not follow those orders."

Naruto sighed. "Okay let's revise that. If I am drunk and I give you an order that could get us both killed, just don't do it. For example stealing from Sakura is very very very foolish. So don't follow foolish orders blindly, use your better judgment."

Sai nodded again this time in acquiescence. "I understand. So what do I do with this? She may have already noticed that it's missing."

Naruto held his hand out. "Give it to me. I'll give it back to her...when y'know the prank is over. I might as well go through with it now that I have it."

Sai hesitated.

"I won't tell her you helped me," Naruto said

Sai let out a sigh of relief and handed the notebook over to the Hokage. Naruto casually placed the book beside him on the couch before dismissing Sai from the room. When Sai's presence had vanished from Naruto's immediate senses he glanced at the journal. He stared long and hard at the journal as beads of sweat materialized on his forehead. With trembling hands Naruto picked up the journal and quickly scanned its interior. He noticed that each page was dated so he quickly skimmed to the latest entry. According to the date listed Sakura had jotted it down early last night.

Naruto began to read

XXXXXXXX

Jul 15:

"What do you want Uchiha-san?" Naruto slurred at me when I entered his room.

I suppose "Uchiha-san" was supposed to hurt me but it was he that flinched in the wake of this supposed slur. It was as if he had tossed explosives at me but he had been standing too close to avoid the shrapnel.

XXXXXX

With a loud groan Naruto put his face into his hands. Then he shook like a dog fresh from a bath. A long silence followed that he eventually broke with a heavy sigh. With a specific date in his mind Naruto returned to the journal.

XXXXXX

February 9th

It's hard not to be surprised by the appearance of the Hokage at your front door. In many villages such an event would call for bowing or the recitation of oaths and other such expressions of loyalty and subordination. I am however one of the few people in any village who is fortunate enough to be able to greet my Kage at the door with a warm hug. I then led him to the kitchen where I served him tea as if he were a neighbor stopping by for the latest gossip.

Naruto and I spoke of irreverent things at first. Simple chi-chat. Then the topic switched to our families well our children specifically. We found it amusing how none of the rigorous training we'd experienced in our lives had come close to preparing us for the trials of parenthood. As we talked, I found that I was very aware of how long it had been since we last had a private conversation. For years the majority of our interactions had been in the midst of a crowd. Festivals, school, group dates, missions, friends, fans, husbands, wives, children, there had been always someone else around. I'm sure we have talked on the phone over the years but those were not conversations worth remembering.

So for the first time in a long we were alone. Why this mattered to me I didn't know. But I didn't have too long to dwell on the thought. As I was serving him a second cup of tea Naruto asked me to be part of a historic event, his pet project a revamping of the chunin exams. According to Naruto the medical staff that will treat injured genin during the exam will be a coalition of different medics from different villages. Apparently my Hokage had it in his mind to suggest to the alliance that I lead this medical team.

Naruto seemed to be missing the obvious so I guided him towards it. Besides the occasional emergency I hadn't done any consistent medical work in years. Naruto's response was to reveal that the council had said the same thing when he had suggested my name. He tried to suppress the mischievous grin on his face when he told me "they gave me a list of better options"

I admit Naruto had played a good hand. The idea that there was an entire list of ninja supposedly "better" than me at the practice of medical ninjutsu was absurd. But this slight on me by the council was not enough to entice me back to active duty. I had stepped away from being a full-time kunoichi so I could raise my daughter.

"Well if your skills have diminished it's fine..." Naruto said. He knew he had struck a nerve and seemed intent to keep hammering at it. Time had done little to dull my skills but still, I told Naruto that either Tsunade or Shizune would be better fits at this time.

"Of course they are good fits...if you say no" Naruto said.

To that point, I had been saying "no" in a very polite way. However though inactive I was still a ninja and Naruto was my boss, my leader. If he insisted I go my continued refusal would be insubordination.

As if reading my mind he continued, "Sakura I am not ordering you to do this. I came here personally to ask that you to do me a favor. I am asking you this because I wish to rely on your..." He paused, I suppose he was searching for the right words. Eventually he looked me in the eyes and finished the thought "tremendously valuable expertise."

Yes Naruto played a great hand. I was far from immune to such high quality professional flattery. So I said yes despite the bit of maternal guilt. My parents could watch Sarada while I was away. I do not regret agreeing to leading the alliance medical staff but I do regret what happened next

I walked Naruto to the door and just as he had finished saying goodbye I kissed him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto glared dumbfounded at the journal.

"That's all she had to say about that?"

He thought back to the kiss. The problem was that the kiss had been too good. No, that wasn't right, saying it was good created comparisons with the kisses he had shared with his wife. No, "good" wasn't the right word to use. Besides good wouldn't have affected him so much. This kiss had a lot of weight to it, a lot of history attached to it. It was exactly how he had used to imagine kissing Sakura would feel. It was something undefinable and his longing for it had been lost so long ago.

Hadn't it?

He drew in a deep breath calming his thoughts and his nerves. His perspective didn't matter. It didn't matter then it didn't matter now. If the kiss was meaningless to Sakura he could accept it as a fluke. Everything would be okay. All he had to do was confirm that the kiss meant nothing. Then things would go back to normal. He continued reading, skimming quickly through any entries that did not appear to offer any clues to the answer he was seeking.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

April 9th:

I've forced myself to face the reality of what happened. I admit that I'm somewhat embarrassed that it has taken me two months to process it all. It's taken a considerable amount of my mental resources to go over what happened, why it happened and what would happen next. The saying "better late than never" was truly appropriate for this occasion.

After the kiss I thought our friendship was done. I had stood frozen in my kitchen watching Naruto wordlessly stumble out the door. When I dared to breathe again, I considered going to his office and apologizing, I then thought about going to his home and apologizing to Hinata. But I didn't do anything. For a week or so I was draped in pessimism and doubt and I haunted my own house like a brooding spirit not quite sure whether it was dead of alive. When Sarada began to notice my occasional absentmindedness I realized I'd had to chase the distressing thoughts from my mind.

That is until today. This morning it hit me that I had gone two months without any word from Naruto. But that wasn't at all unusual. The reality is after two months I am not sure the kiss has changed anything. And really I couldn't hope for any more than that. That nothing would change, that the kiss would simply fade into history. The best case scenario for everyone was if it were ignored. Maybe that's what Naruto was doing while I brooded. He was letting it fade. I don't fear the end of our friendship anymore. That type of steel is not easily shattered.

So I am not afraid but I am bothered. The kiss had been nothing but a mistake yet it still lingered with me. When I allow myself to think about it my mind goes back not to the kiss itself but the moment our lips broke. In the immediate aftermath of the kiss I felt awash in sensuality. I felt a womanly glow from head to toe that had been missing in my life for a long time. How do I sincerely apologize for something that I enjoyed?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto's face navigated successfully from a look of surprise to astonishment, from astonishment to joy, from joy to shame, from shame to worry. However he hadn't the time to asses his emotions. Answers first, emotions later. He flipped through the pages of the journal again with another specific date in mind

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 16: The road to Amegakure

Naruto had insisted on everyone leaving at the same time. His entourage including his administrative staff, the genin, would be spectators, everyone marched out of the village in unison creating the effect of a mini-parade. Villagers cheered on our departure and the faces of the genin flushed with pride and excitement.

Instant morale.

Being Hokage isn't just about being strong. You need to understand people. Naruto understands people. Very few realize that Naruto has put as much if not more effort into trying to understand others as he has into expanding his strength as a ninja. Whether he agrees or disagrees with your ideology, whether you are trying to kill him or not, Naruto tries to understand. It is an underrated aspect of his personality.

I have yet to speak with Naruto face to face since our last encounter. I am not sure if he's avoiding me or if I am avoiding him. All of our communications in the last few weeks have been via phone calls, messengers, or emails from his secretarial staff.

On a more enjoyable note, I used most of the day to refresh my friendship with Sai. To be honest things started out a little rocky since he had greeted me this morning with what I suppose he considered a compliment

"I've noticed that you've lost a lot of weight. I am very impressed, since you had Sarada and stopped being on active duty I never thought I'd see you this thin again."

I gave him a friendly tap against the skull with my fist. Our conversations from then on were much more amiable.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 17th

Met with Naruto, finally, unexpectedly.

We were a day away from the village hidden by rain and I had spent most of the morning being pleasantly surprised by the sights of the very scenic route we were taking. It seems the perception of Amegakure being located in the middle of a bleak, sunless, miserable depressing swamp was unfounded. This nation's best held secret is its amazing rural landscape. The rolling hills, the winding country roads. the ancient woodlands, I was quickly enraptured by the natural beauty and serenity of life in this foreign land. It was a wonder to me how such a serene atmosphere could blossom in a country that has been the battlefield for three shinboi wars. This country was a miracle to anyone who saw it through a historian's eyes.

Anyway I was strolling besides a lovely river when Naruto arrived. I had been caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn't sensed his approach. Time and old age had yet to work their magic on Naruto's speed.

He greeted me with practiced stoicism as we walked shoulder to shoulder. "Sakura I would like to converse with you."

Though I was caught off guard by his statuesque stiffness I consented to this impromptu meeting. I looked around the nearest shinobi was well out of earshot. This was as private as it was going to get.

I turned to Naruto but he stared forward his eyes on the trail ahead. He was at that moment essentially The Seventh.

Of the many brief but complaisant conversations I've had with Sasuke over the years quite a few of them were about the changes in Naruto. I wondered if Sasuke had noticed that Naruto was less boisterous, less energetic. Sasuke had noticed, but he hadn't been too concerned. As he put it, Naruto's change was the unfortunate cost of leading men.

"Nothing stays the same forever Sakura" Sasuke had told me.

From a practical standpoint I knew Sasuke had been right about Naruto, some change was to be expected, but how much was too much?

"I wanted to thank you for coming Sakura. This will be the first time that you've spent such a considerable amount of time away from your daughter. I know that will be hard."

I told him the truth that I missed her a ton already. That I knew if she were here right now she would have likely told the Hokage to his face that this parade of shinobi was silly.

I mimicked Sarada's voice

"Everyone walking to Amegakure like this is silly. Why does the Hokage wear that hat? It's silly. Mom you're silly."

I looked over at Naruto to see that he had managed half a smile. And just like that we were good friends again. I asked him if he had ever cried when leaving behind Boruto and Himawari.

He cleared his throat. "I may have teared up a little...once or twice"

Here was arguably the strongest man in the world admitting to tearing up over his children. I found the image sweet and I told him that. Visibly embarrassed he changed the subject.

"I just wanted to say that your village thanks you for your service."

I replied that if the village was ever in any serious need I would be glad to offer my services, that said if I were to be honest, I was only going to Amegakure because he had asked. I was doing him a favor.

"Now if can you do me a favor Naruto, please stop it with the too-serious face. I am finding it very distracting."

Naruto snorted and looked off for a moment. When he turned his attention back to me he had a familiar playful smile on his face.

"One day Sakura you will notice that I am your boss."

I parried back that I had no problem having him as my boss. I just preferred he talk to me with his normal face.

He conceded the point and carried on.

"I am just trying to say I am glad you came."

I revealed a bit of insight that had dawned on me when we left the village. I figured that part of the reason he had dragged me out of my home was so he can brag to someone about this grand historic event.

Naruto's face shone with childish delight. "Why would I brag about this? It wasn't all my idea."

Though Shikamaru had a hand in it, this was mostly Naruto's idea and it was not what people expected from him. Of course if there were a super strong tyrant or monster out there, people would expect Naruto to go out and punch him-it in the face. This was different, this was about ideas, culture, diplomacy, this was proof that he was not just a near limitless source of chakra.

After explaining my reasoning I looked over at Naruto to see him barely able to contain his glee.

So I continued. "I can see it now. We are going to get to this huge event and you are going to point at the crowd and say Sakura 'this is my baby.' Then I am going to say Naruto you are the coolest guy. Because that's what you want to hear me say."

He laughed. His laughter was contagious and I caught the bug moments after. Well I couldn't really fight it off if I had wanted. Unfortunately the laughter had to settle and things had to get serious. I noticed that he wasn't getting enough sleep.

"There are shadows beneath your eyes. You also seem a little restless" I said to him.

"There has been a lot on my mind recently" Naruto said.

It was an open secret that Naruto and Shikamaru had spent the better part of the entire year leading up to the exam burning candles at both ends in the office. The fruits of their labor were dozens of revolutionary proposals to present to the other Kages at the summit.

His voice lowered to just a cut above a whisper.

"You know what hasn't helped me sleep? Thinking about that kiss."

I felts some color spring up to my cheeks but I suppressed it. I think. I hope I did.

"You should be angry with me" I told him.

"I am not angry. I am just confused."

"You shouldn't be confused."

"I shouldn't be, but I am."

"Please don't be confused. It shouldn't have happened."

"It shouldn't have but it did."

"You shouldn't even think about it"

"I shouldn't but I do."

That was the totality of our conversation about this kiss give or take thirty to forty seconds of awkward silence in between each statement. I gathered my thoughts and then I, as softly as I could, reiterated that it had been a mistake-an awful mistake and I was sorry that I betrayed him in such away.

Naruto cocked his head to the side and looked at me. His eyes were searching. For what I don't know.

"Don't worry about it," he said eventually. "Let's consider it a joke between friends."

"A joke?" I asked.

"A private joke, something we can laugh about later...privately"

I agreed to these guiltless terms and we continued walking in silence. Naruto turned towards the river and it took me a moment to see what caught his eye. A trio of children steering their raft down the river.

"Sakura did you enjoy the daffodil valley we passed earlier today?" Naruto asked

"It was beautiful. There's nothing like it near Konohagakure."

"I knew you'd enjoy it."

I asked him how he knew that and he answered that he had recalled t I liked to go on walks and the valley seemed like the perfect walking spot. He was right, I did like walking and it was an almost perfect spot for a romantic stroll. Naruto then surprised me with what he said next.

"You should come back here. With Sasuke. You know-go walking in the moonlight."

That did sound nice if one ignored the looming fact that neither of us really knew when we'd see my husband next. Well I should say I don't know when I'll see Sasuke next. I am sure there are measures in place for Naruto and Sasuke to come in contact with each other in case of emergencies.

"You should bring Hinata here as well. You know go walking in the moonlight."

Naruto gestured towards the river. "She's more of a swimmer than a walker."

"Oh, well then take her swimming!" I said with much force than was appropriate for the conversation.

Naruto turned his attention back to me. He seemed very amused by my unexpected command.

"Would that be something a good husband would do?"

"Yes." I said while trying to hide the fact that I was embarrassed by my outburst. "A good husband should do everything he can to keep his wife happy."

"Oh, I didn't know that."

"Well now you know."

"So what does a good wife do?"

I told Naruto that a good wife should do everything she can to try and keep her husband from doing something stupid.

He chuckled, then he started to say "so how come Sasuke has-" but he stopped halfway through. I am not sure what annoyed me more that he stopped or that he apologized afterwards.

"Sorry..."

Curious I asked him what he was apologizing for and he shrugged.

"Sasuke is your husband..."

I knew that, we both knew that.

"Yes, and?"

He shrugged again.

"How come Sasuke has what?" I asked.

Naruto paused and then finished the thought. "That hairstyle...I mean..come on"

"I like it" I told him.

"You do? Ah I guess you kind of have to don't you?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing is wrong. You have a very pretty husband Sakura and you should be proud."

"Oh you're just a jerk" I said

Naruto laughed openly at my defense of my husband's flowing locks.

"You're just jealous" I countered.

Naruto's laughter wound down and the color in his cheeks bloomed.

"Maybe" he said just above a whisper.

I changed the subject.

"Are you nervous?"

"About what?" Naruto asked

"The success of these exams."

"The exams will definitely be a success. Whether they will have the lingering affect I hope that they will..." Naruto shook his head as his words trailed. "The exams were always a good idea. But under the disguise of improving relationships between villages it had become an excuse for espionage. Now going forward it'll be a celebration. We invite the rest of the world to our world."

Naruto scratched at his cheek and a boyish excitement broke through the surface of his face. "We celebrate our nations and our villages, but more importantly we celebrate our shinobi, if we celebrate the humanity of a shinobi maybe...Maybe I can show them the world the way I see it."

I pointed out to him that a troop of shinobi stomping through the countryside of a foreign land would normally be called an invasion. I interpreted that to mean that things had already changed significantly. Naruto seemed happy to hear that.

I think that it was clear to anyone on that march-especially those of us who had fought in the war that something special was going on here. I was contemplating on how much the world had changed when Naruto tapped my shoulder and turned my attention back to the river, the children had spotted us and they waved excitedly at us. We matched their enthusiasm, throwing both of our hands up in the air as we waved back. With his eyes still on the children Naruto remarked how much he wanted to believe Nagato had once stood on the same spot he was standing on. He wondered if, and he wanted to believe, that Nagato had admired and valued the beauty of this land as much as Naruto did now.

He looked at my expectantly and I searched myself for words of wisdom or comfort. At a loss for words I just smiled at him. He smiled back.

"We should talk more Sakura."

"Sure, but you'll have to stop being busy."

"Well..." he started.

"I get it" I interrupted. "You're the Hokage, and a father and a husband."

Naruto nodded.

"Plus I'm busy too," I added. "Sarada is a handful and a half."

"I'm sure" Naruto said.

For a few breaths we just looked at each other.

"I should go" Naruto said his voice a Hokage's voice now, measured and collected. The Seventh had returned and I was in the process of being dismissed

"Enjoy the scenery Sakura."

"Is that an order?"

He smiled. "A direct order."

"Well you're the boss" I replied.

"Oh you remembered." With that said Naruto quickened his pace to break away from me.

"Try and get some rest tonight." I called out to his back.

He slowed his pace for a step or two and then turned to me. "Jiraiya used to say there is no rest for the wicked Sakura. But maybe he should have said there is no way to rest with wicked thoughts."

This time I believe color did rise to my face but luckily Naruto had already turned away likely grinning like a fool.

I saw then that his intent was to tease me about the kiss, likely for the rest of our lives. He was a monster but we were still great friends.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto placed his open palm over his face and groaned into it. What a time for his juvenile sense of humor to reemerge. The perverted antics, the pranks, the impulsive behavior, these were things he thought he had left behind in adolescence.

What kind of man...what kind of Hokage loses his mind after being kissed?

Naruto ran his hand up his face, across his forehead, and through his hair. That stupid kiss. He'd felt its lingering burn for far too many weeks now. How many nights had he shamefully awoken from sleep stunned at the good fortune that he hadn't called out Sakura's name while his wife slept. There were times when the ache was overbearing and he reached out to Hinata to satisfy the need. Their lovemaking would be furious then, fiery and explosive. But it was at best a temporary fix, the burn continued to cry out for a soothing salve.

Naruto laughed, any experience of shame, embarrassment or guilt he'd felt before was nothing in comparison to what he was feeling now. Despite the fact that he felt awful, he still needed an answer. So he kept reading.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Jun 19th 11 PM: The road to Amegakure

Can't sleep

Why did that idiot have to say that?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jun 21: 1:30 AM: Amegakure : Imperial Hotel

I came to Amegakure knowing two things. One, being a part of the Hokage's inner circle would land me in midst of celebrities, diplomats, kages, and pure blooded nobility. Two the entire event would be one long festival with the occasional breaks for the examination, the kage summit, and maybe sleep if time permitted. With consideration of these facts I made sure I packed the proper attire necessary for both formal and informal festivities. Despite my foresight I was not prepared for the level of celebration Amergakure had in store for us. I did not have any clothes with me or at home that could have matched the gallantry of the opening night party. However that fact didn't discourage me at all. Years ago Ino gave me the backhanded compliment of having a talent for doing a whole lot with very little. She was technically right but that insight didn't just apply to my sense of fashion. Doing so much with so little was the overarching theme of my life.

I reacquainted myself with an old classic. A short strapless black dress with open toed shoes that was simple but elegant enough for this sort of grand affair. That dress is my go to when I really wanted to look good, to be beautiful. I've never lacked confidence wearing it. Considering how long its been since I was last at a party that wasn't centered around a child I needed that confidence. The night started off well I flitted from conversation to conversation like a social butterfly all the while I kept an eye out for Naruto. He had been stalking the other side of the room with a paradoxical look of predatory stoicism on his face. He held the posture of a shinobi of great importance, relaxed enough to be approachable without subverting the fact that he could wipe out most if not the entire room if came to that. It wasn't until Gaara joined his company that the gentle light returned to his eyes. Besides Gaara or Sai the only person Naruto seemed to really have a solid report with was the man who appeared by his side to refill his champagne glass.

As I was making a mental note of that Naruto looked up from the bottom of an emptied glass catching me in a stare.

His mouth spread into a pleased grin and I felt mine do the same. We maintained eye contact from across the room until some VIPs invited themselves to Naruto's personal space. He greeted them and I turned away to search for a bite to eat. Before the party I had tried to embrace the guilt as punishment for leaving Sarada behind. It had been hard to sleep with the knowledge that my daughter was not within walking distance of my bed. How many nights did she crawl into my bed when the roar of thunder outside her window scared her? Countless. Then there the nights I went to her, when the silence inside the house scared me. She needed me and I needed her. Those were the facts.

But once the party started it didn't take long for me to surrender to the creeping notion that that I was having a good time. Especially when I was pounced upon by a group of medics from Amegakure. They were young men, energetic and enthusiastic about medical ninjutsu. They were the future of Amegakure's medical field and they knew it. They also knew Tsunade and they I knew had been her protege. Initially they picked my brain about Tsunade's methodology during surgery then we ventured into a fascinating discussion on the current breakthroughs in medical research, and then somehow we wandered into what it meant to be a medical ninja. How important were we really? Ninja who focused on the art of saving lives rather then taking them.

It was an enjoyable conversation though it was hard to avoid the fact that I was the only female in the group. I was also the only one in our mini party sporting a wedding ring. It didn't really surprise me at all when the occasional subtly suggestive remark was floated in between talks of medicine and anatomy. A few of them were them were testing the waters, gauging my interest or lack thereof. They where bold but young men, I deflected their inquiries with grace and politeness. Yes they were harmless, the real troublemaker arrived forty minutes into the conversation.

"Excuse me gentlemen may I speak to my medic for a moment."

The young medics scattered like lowly bureaucrats before a lord when Naruto butted into our conversation. Seeing the immediate consequence of his presence Naruto said rather sheepishly "I didn't mean for them to take off like that."

"Your medic? I thought I was working for the Alliance?" I asked

"No you're still min-the village's medic I am simply showing you off."

"Oh like a pony" I retorted.

"A prized pony" He chuckled.

A question occurred to me then but I kept it to myself. Instead I asked what Naruto wanted to talk to me about. He replied without looking directly at me that he simply wanted to know if I was enjoying the party. I was articulating my enjoyment when his eyes flickered suddenly. I sensed him look me over more than I saw the total movement of his eyes. That kind of subtlety of movement would have gotten top marks from Iruka. As I was trying wrap my mind around the implication of this. He excused himself politely but abruptly from my company. When he rejoined Gaara and melted back into a crowd of diplomats I assumed that would be the last I saw of him this night.

I was wrong.

When I returned to the floor of my hotel room a few hours later I found him waiting just outside my door.

"I left early" he said answering the obvious question in the air.

"And you came here?"

"No, I went to my room first."

"And then you pigged out on some ramen?"

"How did you know?" he asked.

I told him about the piece of noodle that lingered in the corner of his mouth. I reached out to wipe it away but I realized how much of an intimate gesture that would have been. This sudden onset of self awareness paralyzed me and my hand just hovered in the air between us.

I pointed to his mouth, "You've got some noodle on your lips"

"Oh" Naruto swiped at his mouth and I willed my hand down to my sides. I shook my head and wondered aloud how was it that Naruto had mastered senjutsu training but he didn't have the discipline to keep a healthier diet.

"It's really simple Sakura, I wanted to master senjutsu."

"Fair enough. So why are you here Naruto?" I asked

"Why did you kiss me?"

I let out a long slow breath before I answered. "You caught me at a bad time."

Skepticism clouded his eyes.

Words flowed out of my mouth. "Sarada was asleep, she wasn't going to wake up for another hour. The house is bigger than it looks Naruto. Sometimes it echoes."

I waited for Naruto to reply but he remained silent. He was wearing the face of the Hokage again.

"I was lonely. It was a mistake"

"Okay" He said dispassionately. "I understand.'

I had a question for him.

With my voice tinged with irritation I said "I've been thinking about it since it happened. When you broke up the enjoyable conversation I was having with the Amegakure medics, were you doing your duty and watching over your best friend's wife?"

He cringed and it broke his serious Hokage face.

"I am just wondering if you were protecting the virtue and honor of your best friend's wife."

Naruto cleared his throat. "I admit I noticed some of them flirting with you. I admit that. But imagine this, I do nothing, one of them gets fresh, all of a sudden I hear "shannaro" right before I see a Amegakure medic being transported across the room with a broken jaw via your first. Now Amegakure demands you be arrested, I decline their request, they declare war on us, I have to declare war on them. They attack us and our defense obliterates their forces. Losing the war affects their economy and they fall into a depression. If I was protecting anyone here it's Amegakure."

It was a deflection but it was a very amusing one. Amusing enough to sway me towards forgiveness. Whatever Naruto's intentions were at the very least I was sure they came from a good place.

"So you are not here to watch my door like a guard dog?"

He sighed. "Never even crossed my mind."

"Good. I can take care of myself."

He put his hands in the air as if to surrender. "I know, I know. I am sorry if it came across that way."

I smiled. "Now Naruto wouldn't fighting a war over me extend the cycle of hatred?"

He thought about this. He actually paused to consider this.

"There are exceptions to every rule."

"Doesn't your administration support pacifism?"

"Sakura it's closer to a non-aggression principle." He gave me a cheeky look that seemed to say "I've come a long way. Are you impressed?"

I was impressed for the record.

"Alright Naruto if by chance I assault a foreign ally, I give you permission to allow me to be arrested. If I happen to break a decade long peace treaty feel free to just let me go."

He said "I may not be able to let you go..." before he paused and quickly tagged on "as a Hokage I have an obligation to protect my people."

Something about the tone of the first half of his statement had an immediate affect on me. His said it low enough for it register as a whisper and it sent goosebumps running up and down my flesh. I responded with a general but true statement about how his loyalty to his people was what made him a good leader. I then slipped my key into the door and unlocked it just to do something other than stare awkwardly at him.

I heard him say over my shoulder, "You looked beau-nice tonight."

I turned to face him.

"Well you are just being kind."

His eyes softened. "No I am not."

"Thank you, I guess-its not bad for a mama huh? You also looked nice tonight, very handsome actually. If I were single well...I mean..If we were both single...y'know...maybe. Who knows right? If things were completely different than how they are now..."

The light chuckle of an embarrassed woman escaped my lips. I laughed at myself, at my anxiousness. I must have looked a mess because Naruto just stared at me. He appeared confused maybe even worried, as if I had broken the married man and married woman's neutral compliment pact.

"Sakura, may I ask another question?"

I nodded to him.

"Why am I having a hard time believing you?"

"About what?"

"The kiss."

He took a half step forward me. My instinctual response to this was to lean my back against the door for support. Of course it popped open and I stumbled backwards inside. I floundered for about three stumbling steps before I caught myself with as much grace as I could muster. I looked up at Naruto and asked, as if it was what I had in mind all along, if he wanted to come inside to talk.

He considered it for a long, long, long time. Then he smiled before backing away from the doorway, apologizing for his interruption, and announcing that it was best for him to go get some sleep.

I agreed and I even recommended a minimum of eight hours. I didn't let go of my breath until Naruto was gone and I had locked the door .

Overall, I can say I had a good time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

With the journal in hand Naruto paced about his hotel room. He remembered the night of the opening ceremony very well. He had never seen Sakura looking as lovely as she did that night. Or maybe he had, maybe she had looked as lovely at her wedding. Back then, it hadn't been that long ago, he had felt legitimately happy for his friends and there was nothing more to it. There was definitely something more going on now, something more than friendly.

Naruto had spent the initial moments of the party disoriented, like a man regaining his sight after being blind for many years. Rather than allowing himself to be drawn to Sakura like a month to a flame Naruto deliberately avoided her. His tactic had worked until the Amegakure medics arrived to the scene. When they had surrounded Sakura, when she had happily become lost in the conversation and lost to the room. He felt something he had not felt in a long time.

At first it had manifested itself in amusement.

These guys are pretty lucky that Sasuke isn't here

As the conversation continued it became impatience.

Talking for so long to another man's wife those guys are pretty lucky I'm not Sasuke

As the conversation continued it became irritation.

If I were Sasuke, I would be using my eyes to ignite things from across the room by now

And then.

If I were Sasuke...

The visual came to him immediately, he saw himself henging into Sasuke taking Sakura by the hand, leading her away from the wolves and back to their room. Where he would breathe her in, taste her, touch her like she wanted to be touched. Naruto stopped the visual now as he had then with a vigorous shake of his head. He had been jealous, passionately jealous. And then what did he do? He waited for her at her hotel room. Somehow he'd gotten it into his mind that it was a good idea to be standing beside her right outside her room, him smelling of ramen and her of sweet perfume.

A moth to the flame.

When a husband is jealous, he worries that he might be losing his wife. Sakura was not his wife. How could he be worried about losing something he never had?

Naruto returned to the journal.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 25th:

Descriptions such as captivating or inspiring are what I've heard people use to describe a speech by Naruto. But those words fail to capture the intimate connection that takes between Naruto and his audience. Whether it's an impromptu rally to the troops or a scripted event at a formal venue his innate skill at public speaking always shined through. Today was no exception, Naruto's optimism, his compassion, his emotional intelligence were put on display and I found myself in silent awe.

We've known each other for so long and he still surprises me.

I hadn't planned on being a part of such a moment. In fact my intention was just to drop in and greet the Leaf students before they set off for the first stage of the exams. I was about to leave when Naruto arrived and he went to work quickly. Initially it started as one might expect "you represent the village, make your families proud, you are the future of Konohagakure." The genin of course gave Naruto the kind of attention one would give a living legend. But he really grabbed their hearts and minds when he told them a fable once told to him by Jiraiya.

It was a tale about a race of sage birds who dwelled deep within the darkest rain-forest in the world. Generations earlier the sage birds had secured this rain-forest as their homeland because of its abundance of resources and it's lack of predators. The sage birds had everything they needed in the rain-forest except consistent sunlight. Because the top canopy of the rain-forest blocked over ninety percent of the sunlight the sage birds learned to thrive on the forest floor. They lived peacefully, comfortably and without the need of flight. After some decades the sage birds had stopped teaching to their young how to fly and so soon enough many had forgotten this ability altogether.

There however came one sage bird who loved the sunlight. On the rare occasions that a stream of light managed to reach the forest floor this bird bathed in it's warm touch. When he heard tales of how his people used to fly he began to dream of soaring above the trees and being embraced by the delicious rays of the sun. This bird studied under all the sage elders, he unearthed the lost histories of his people, and he rediscovered the ability of flight. As soon as he had trained his body to be physically capable the sage bird took off into the air and burst through the canopy.

Unfortunately a storm had been brewing over the rain forest and the sage bird once again found himself shielded from the light. This time not by leaves but by ever growing dark clouds. Distraught but not deterred the sage bird realized he was certain of only two things. One, beyond those storm clouds awaited the warming glow of the sun. Two, he could not imagine a more joyous event than spreading his wings and being engulfed in that warm glow. With the dreams of gliding between sun-rays in his heart the sage bird soared right into the heart of the storm.

And he was never seen or heard from again.

After the story Naruto announced that there were a number of morals to the tale. It was traditionally a cautionary fable against impulsive behavior, against impatience, against arrogance and greed. On a deeper level still it was a simple observation on human nature, on how some people are never content or satisfied with what they have. Naruto conceded that all of these wise interpretations were valid. However when he had first heard the story from Jiraiya he had not considered any of that. He had in fact admired the bird, he thought it was courageous for the bird to risk the dangers of the storm for his dream.

Naruto had grinned broadly at the genin. He told them how as an adult he could see the wisdom of the traditional interpretations yet he could also still see the merits in his youthful interpretation.

"You will all learn soon enough that the line between courageousness and foolishness, selfishness and selflessness easily blur" Naruto told the students.

"I say consider this what if the life of a sage bird was far less than that of a human. What if I told you the sage bird spent most of his life learning how to fly and he knew he only had weeks left to live, no, days? Would it change the way you think about the story? Would it change the way you think about the Sage Bird?"

Naruto continued by telling the genin that there would be a moment during the exam where they would think to themselves that it was oaky to quit now. That they could just try again later. That the two years until the next exam would go by quickly. He went on to say depending on the situation this could be the most reasonable point of of view in the world. The wisest position to take. But they assume, and it was a reasonable assumption to make, that the exams would be around in two years. That they would be around in two years. Sometimes, he said, whether you know it or not you only get one chance.

"If you get that chance, the opportunity to fulfill a dream..."

He paused.

"Some birds are happy singing and dancing on the forest floor. That can be a happy and fulfilling life for many birds. But if you are the type of bird that dreams of the sun. You may have to face the rain and the thunder. It's up to you to decide if it's worth the risk."

The genin departed for the first phase of the exam with gallantry and vigor in their hearts. It was unexpectedly the Hokage that lingered tentatively in their wake. I followed him for a little bit as he walked about aimlessly around the campus grounds. When there was a comfortable distance between us and anyone else I matched his pace and nudged him playfully with my shoulder. I told him that I also got that bittersweet feeling every time the exams came around. Naruto appeared surprised by my presence for a moment. Then he chuckled warmly. "I'm glad you are here Sakura."

He then craned his head back, looked up into the sky and he said. "I wish Sasuke was here as well."

Despite the currently flawed state of my marriage and the currently awkward status of my relationship with Naruto, there would always be an "us" in some way or some form. "We," "Team Seven," would always exist. I suppose neither of us had anymore to say about my husband so we continued walking for awhile.

Naruto sighed. "When I was younger I would try and break every single rule if it got me some attention. Then I felt like there wasn't a rule I wouldn't break to protect my friends. Now, well life can be so complicated. I am starting to think-"

He glanced at me, unemotional.

"-No I do think that maybe the only way to keep it simple is to keep to the rules."

Not knowing exactly how to respond I said, "Funny how things change."

Naruto caught my eyes,"so you think I've changed?"

I considered the question for some time before answering. "I think-your priorities, naturally, have changed a lot but your heart is always in the right place."

Naruto gave me an odd mixture of surprise and hurt mingled with appreciation. I can only assume in hindsight that this had been the first time anyone had acknowledged Naruto's change, at least to his face.

"I couldn't be the Hokage and still be...I had to mature into the kind of man a Hokage should be."

"Oh you've matured? I hadn't noticed." I said teasing him.

He looked at me with amusement in his eyes. "I am mature, I read books in my spare time."

I asked him what kind of books he read.

"Literature" he said a grin forming on his face.

"Oh what kind of literature?"

"The classics."

"Like what?"

He looked off to the side. "The Lighthouse-on-the-Mountaintop. Its not a well known book but it's a classic."

I laughed out loud. "You just made that up."

He snorted. "Sakura do not be jealous that I am more well read than you are."

"You are not!" I challenged. "Who is the author of The Lighthouse on the Mountaintop?"

"Questioning your Hokage is insubordination" He replied.

"Have mercy on your lowly subordinate Hokage-sama" I said wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.

After a quiet moment Naruto turned to me with a smirk on his face and said, "What did you do to me?"

I asked him what he meant by that. So he leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially. "Ever since you kissed me my mind has been cluttered with unnecessary thoughts."

Abruptly Naruto's stomach collided with my fist.

"That's the kind of joke you want to crack in public?" I whispered back to him.

Naruto half laughed, half coughed as he double over at the waist. Still trying to catch his breath, Naruto plopped down onto the ground to collect himself. I did likewise and I sat facing him

He continued laughing "You know how long its been since someone has hit me?"

"I didn't hit you that hard." I said now slightly embarrassed.

He laughed again and I was struck by nostalgia.

"Naruto, don't change too much okay?"

"That is a promise I can't make." He said pointing to his hat. " He sighed and smiled at me.

"Some things may change Sakura, but you will always be sorta scary to me."

I scoffed. "And you will always be an idiot to me."

He grinned. "That's fine. I don't think I mind that at all."

It was one of Naruto's better grins. It flashed and reflected the Amegakure sun and I was infused with a vibrant energy that I think will carry me through the rest of the day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 27th:

The second stage of the exam took place in Amegakure's version of the Forest Death. The village hidden in the rain had in it's back pocket an immense swamp-like arena that according to the locals had been the only part of the village to be untouched by the civil war. Apparently it was too hot and humid, and the smell too pungent to house rebels or loyalists at any stage of the war. I suppose if anyone could find value in the swamp it would be the Aburame clan. The vast array of hideous insects that claimed the swamp as their home would have surely delighted them.

Knowing from firsthand experience that the exams weren't designed for comfort I still felt genuine pity for the genin having to wade through all that muck. Luckily they were up for the challenge. The harsh environment offered the genin their first opportunities to truly shine as a shinobi and many of them took advantage of the spotlight. The highlights of the second stage, the moments where the genin put on displays of courage, toughness or pride, were broadcast to all the villages of the Alliance. But the general populace only got the replays for this portion of the exam. The entire event however was streamed live to the big wigs and VIPs.

Once again I was in the room with VIPs. The usual suspects were there, the diplomats, the captains of industry, kages, daiyamos. It was a star studded room with six long tables set up with a variety of specialty snacks from all of the villages within the alliance. The dozens or so monitors on the walls showed the genin, giving it all, putting their egos and lives on the line and the VIPs simply nodded approvingly or clapped politely when something amazing happened. There were long stretches of time were the room was so quiet that you would have thought you walked into a library. Although I'd earned the right to be there I still didn't exactly feel like it was my crowd. I tried my best to keep the peace so to speak but I had underestimated the potency of Amegakure's candy flavored liquor. The delicious drinks, in combination with a plucky young genin showing serious guts, got me in some trouble.

"SHANNARO!"

I threw in a fist pump to emphasize my less than refined behavior.

I was pretty sure every head in the room turned to me. From me the crowd then turned, to my mortification, to Naruto. Naruto who had been in a group featuring Gaara and nobles from the Land of Fire and Earth looked over at me and I turned away sheepish. I kept my head down and made a beeline for the tables and grabbed myself a small bowl of mixed fruit. I was spearing some blueberries with a fork when Naruto appeared beside me.

"Sakura"

"Sorry I got caught up in the action." I slurred without looking up from my forkful of berries.

"Right...that's why I am here to scold you for your barbarian-like behavior."

Looking up at him, I was surprised to see the touch of amusement on his face. I started to apologize. I tried to make the case that I couldn't help but be moved by the display of young valor on the screen before me, but Naruto interrupted me.

"You okay?"

"Fine." I said catching myself from swaying.

"I see. You know it's funny I just realized that I never really thanked you."

"Thanked me for what?" I said catching myself from swaying.

"My fight during the final rounds-all those many moons ago. Before all hell broke loose" he sighed. "I heard you in the crowd, through the noise of the crowd. I don't think I told you how much I appreciated that."

"Naruto we were friends, we were a team, you would have done the same for me."

Naruto nodded. "Still I'm not sure you understand how much that meant to me...at the time. I should have thanked you."

I patted him on the shoulder, "Naruto there's an old saying what's understood never needs to be explained."

He smiled. "Is that so?"

"By the way aren't you supposed to be scolding me?"

"Consider yourself scolded."

I shook my head head. "But Naruto politically speaking as our leader you should consider kicking me out for embarrassing you."

Naruto scratched at his chin. "If I kick you out it would be me admitting it was wrong to have you here."

"Oh! You are thinking politically" I said with alcohol laced cheer. "If I stay it would imply I'm here because you want me here-despite my behavior."

"It would imply I enjoy your company."

"On the other hand Naruto, it may also imply that you have an impudent subordinate around you that you can't control."

Naruto shrugged, "or it would imply that I enjoy your company and people will have to deal with that."

I studied him for a moment. At that moment I truly wanted to believe what he said was true.

"Do you enjoy my company Naruto?" I asked. "Really?"

"Of course."

I couldn't contain my smile even if I had tried. But then I looked over Naruto's shoulders to see some of the Raikage's entourage side-eying me. "I think I annoyed them."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "That's their problem. My problem is that-technically in a situations like this the Kage have to be...circumspect."

"Naruto...I mean this with all due respect, But you're vocabulary has come a really really long way." I declared. "I'm not saying you were a dumb kid but-I'll just say this, the gap between your strength from back then to know is parallel to the gap in your vocabulary from back then to now."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is. It really is. I am very impressed with you right now."

A soft laughter escaped Naruto's mouth. "They've got really tasty drinks here don't they?"

"Oh my gosh they do" I aggressively agreed.

"They can sneak up on you though."

"Yep" I said taking in a deep breath,

"As I was saying Sakura I as the Hokage -have to be circumspect but..."

"Way ahead of you Naruto. I'm not the Hokage. So I can cheer for our kids-on your behalf. Since that is your will than I shall comply Hokage-sama."

Naruto gestured towards Gaara's direction with his head. "Come and join us."

As Naruto led me towards the center of the room I ignored the glares of those who preferred to show support for their ninja in prudish silence.

"That genin was very impressive wasn't she? You know she reminded me of someone." Naruto remarked.

"Did she?" I asked. "I wonder who?"

Since I was following Naruto I couldn't see his face but I knew he was smiling. I'd like to say I managed to restrain myself from any additional outbursts for the rest of the night but that would be a lie. I am not the type of ninja to go counter to the will of my Hokage.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All of it came vividly to Naruto's mind. Their laughter, their easy conversation, the warm glances exchanged. He could remember it all without much effort. A child, a young man would make ridiculous interpretations of those memories. A wise man, a leader, could see those moments for they are. Of course he and Sakura got along well there were years of friendship to back that up. Of course she made him smile, of course he enjoyed her company, she was a close friend.

Except she kissed him

It was her kiss that had started to twist his perspective. What was she thinking? She gave him some answers to that question but he didn't know if he believed her. Why couldn't he believe her? Her actions had forced him to doubt her-doubt her what? What was he doubting?

So many stupid childish questions. But he needed the answers, no matter how stupid or childish they may be.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 29:

The life of a medical ninja is such that startling discoveries are routinely made in emergency rooms before the sun has even had a chance to crack a peek over the horizon. Fairly confident of the results of a night of research I made a beeline for Naruto's room. Only to find a line waiting outside his door. Luckily as I arrived Sai stepped out of the room to presumably inspect the line. I let him know I had an urgent message to deliver and Sai did not hesitate to usher me through Naruto's door to the dismay of the others on the line.

"He's being fitted for a custom robe right now, it's a gift from the Amegakure council, but since you say it's urgent..." Sai mentioned as he led me through Naruto's bedroom door, without bothering to knock. We walked in on a scene featuring two geriatric women fussing over the Hokage. Ignoring our sudden presence in the room they stretched cloth measuring tape across the width and length of his body.

Oh and Naruto was dressed only in his boxers.

Surprise flashed on his face when he was saw me but he reined it in with impressive swiftness. Then he addressed us as if were a normal occurrence for people to burst into his room.

"Is there a problem Sai?"

Sai related quickly that I had some urgent news for him. But by the time Naruto turned to me I had completely lost my train of thoughts. Or I should say my train of thoughts had left me behind.

"What is your news Sakura?" Naruto asked.

I told him that I had two questions for him first.

"Are you wearing silk boxers?"

He nodded, embarrassment briefly coloring his face.

Silk boxers, form fitting, obviously a wife's gift to her husband. Hinata had gone shopping for these boxers and picked them out knowing his exact measurements, knowing for sure what looked good on him. These thoughts simply bloomed in my mind as pure facts rather than speculation. Exposed to these facts I should have been amused or indifferent to them but I found myself in a confusing state of ambivalence.

I went on to my next question.

"If you spend most of your time in your office how is that you are in better shape now then you were during the war?"

Naruto's eyes shone with sudden mischief when he looked at me. He explained that it wasn't enough to simply train one's mind for politics. The village head had to be in top physical shape at all times. So his exercise routine was as vigorous now as it had ever been. When one of the elderly tailors wrapped a measuring tape around Naruto's right arm. He flexed and his arm confessed to the room that it was indeed heavy with well defined muscle.

The old woman hanging on his arm cooed playfully while Naruto locked eyes with me.

"Not bad for a papa huh?" Naruto asked with a grin.

At that moment an odd comparison came to my mind. Sasuke and Naruto's body matched their personalities fairly well. Sasuke was, wiry, lean, elusive. Of the two Naruto's overall body had a bit more mass, he was sturdy, sinewy, dependable.

"I have to say I am very impressed by how you've kept so fit" Sai said abruptly bringing me back down to earth.

Naruto gave Sai a look that seemed to express surprise at the fact of Sai still being in the room. He thanked Sai for the compliment and returned his attention to me. "The message Sakura?"

I glanced at the old women. Naruto took the hint and they were politely escorted out of the room a moment later. When they were gone I asked Naruto if it had been necessary for him to have been measured while in his boxers. Seemingly confused by the question Naruto replied that the old women had insisted so it must have been necessary.

I kept my thoughts about that to myself. There were more pressing concerns now anyway.

I informed Naruto that at that moment there was a genin team in the emergency room that had been deemed too injured to continue on with second stage of the exam. The genin team had claimed that they had lost their scrolls to a team from Kirigakure who entrapped them in a poisonous mist.

Naruto noted that Kirigakure had a considerable reputation for the usage of poison.

"Was it an unnecessarily lethal dosage?" He asked.

I told Naruto that the genin hadn't been poisoned the way they thought they had been poisoned. They had instead been attacked with a nerve agent.

Naruto asked if I doubted the genin's story. I did not. Indeed there was enough traces of the poison on them to say that someone had used a poison technique. But their symptoms had not matched what should have happened to victims of such an attack. What they had described seeing was C-rank technique that caused coma like paralysis within seconds of exposure. But the normal process for that is that first one's lips and tongue deaden, then comes dizziness and vomiting, followed by numbness and muscle paralysis.

"It's quite a frightening process. But it's fairly common" I said to Naruto.

"What really happened to the genin?" He asked.

I explained.

The genin had remembered salivating profusely then losing consciousness and then coming in and out of sleep dimly aware that most of their muscles had gone completely numb. I checked their clothing and found a very small concentration of a unique toxic compound that was not found in any known poison mist technique in use. The genin had somehow been tagged with the substance beforehand.

"So the poison mist was a coverup. To mask the actual attack. Those kids were being experimented on?"

"It looks like that." I said solemnly. "It would have taken some time for the substance to seep in from their clothes onto their skin. The poison mist attack was probably timed to match up with that."

I added to the bad news. "These genin might experience some long term effects once the recover. Most of it will be psychological."

Then I piled on some more. "This is new Naruto, I've never seen this before. And in larger doses an advanced variation of this has the potential to be devastating on a battlefield."

"It's your impression Sakura that this was developed after the war?" Naruto inquired.

"I would think so."

I saw something flash in Naruto's eyes, something caught between hurt and anger. Then as quickly as it came it was gone. "Can quick-acting antidotes be created?"

I hesitated

"In your opinion" Naruto added.

I answered sincerely. "I haven't looked into it too deeply but I have some ideas. There are other poisons that may actually be used as a countermeasure since they block acetylcholine receptors that..."

Naruto put his hand up. "You can keep the technical details Sakura. When we get home you can lead a research team to develop antidotes for this or any future surprises Kirigakure may have."

I hesitated again.

Naruto grinned. "You've brought some very critical information to my attention. I was right to put my confidence in you."

I told him that I was honored and flattered but I'd have to decline. I would share my thoughts with Tsunade and Shizune but I reiterated that I was committed to raising my daughter full time.

"And that is admirable. It is truly is. But maybe some kind of schedule can be worked out..." Naruto said.

I asked who would take care of Sarada while I was working.

"When Sasuke comes back..."Naruto started

I cut him off. "When Sasuke comes back he won't stay. He doesn't stay."

"In time...I'll talk to him."

There was an unspoken "again" at the end of that statement. But I found myself wondering in a amused way what could Naruto possibly have said that Sasuke couldn't see for himself when he said goodbye to his wife and child every few months?

I rattled off some obvious truths to Naruto. As hard is it might have been to believe I was not the wounded bird in my marriage. Sasuke needed to go out to find himself. Yes, he would come home to a stable family to reset but needed to find the answers out there, answers that couldn't be found at home.

"That's a separate issue. Right now, I can't help but feel that you are wasting something special. You are special Sakura. One day you will wake up and notice this but it'll be too late!"

By then I was infuriated by the path the conversation had taken.

"I don't need you to save me Naruto?"

Sounding tired Naruto said, "Sometimes Sakura there is a pretty large difference between what you assume about my motivations and what my motivations actually are."

I snapped at him. "Does Hinata wake up every morning to this lecture?"

"Apples and oranges" Naruto growled.

"How do you figure that?"

"We're talking about two different people. What makes her happy might not make you happy, what you makes you happy might not make her happy."

"And you think you know what makes me happy?" I shouted at him.

"I know what used to make you happy and that used to be medical ninjutsu."

"Maybe you are not the only one who has changed Naruto!"

It was then that Sai chimed in.

"It's interesting. Naruto has sacrificed his personal time including time spent with his family to dedicate himself to being a Hokage. Sakura has sacrificed her desire to practice medical ninjutsu to dedicate herself to her daughter. Similar ideals two different destinations."

I locked eyes with Naruto for a moment and then we both turned to Sai.

"Sai you're still here?" Naruto asked.

"Was I not supposed to be here?"

I knew exactly what Naruto was feeling. I had been so focused on the conversation I had completely forgotten that Sai had been in the room. I replayed the conversation in my head almost in a blind panic. I was terrified that something intimate might have been said in Sai's presence.

"Was that supposed to be a private moment?" Sai asked

Naruto's face was then caught in some odd transitional state between being himself and so being frustrated and being the Seventh and taking it in stride. The Seventh won out.

"Anyway thank you Sakura. This information that you've presented is invaluable."

With as much rigid formality I could muster I managed to squeak out some form of "it was my pleasure."

Naruto cleared his throat before announcing that he would definitely have a long talk with the Mizukage. After that we were dismissed. I was at the door when Naruto called out to me.

"Sakura if you can honestly say you don't enjoy it anymore, I'll let it go."

I didn't answer Naruto. I didn't have an answer for him. I continued through the door. As we stood outside of Naruto's room Sai turned to me with a very pleased look on his face and said; "I enjoy when we as a group have these frank and introspective discussions. It implies a closeness in our bond that I truly appreciate."

At that point I was too emotionally raw to contemplate what Sai was talking about. I agreed with him and called it a day.

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July 1

Not sure what to make of what just happened. I was helping prep the emergency room for the coming preliminaries when I saw Sai patrolling the area. The moment he caught sight of me he had rushed over.

"He seems very troubled. Perhaps you can help." Was all Sai said before gesturing for me to follow him.

"He" of course was Naruto. Sai brought me to the featured restaurant in the hotel where we found Naruto sitting alone in VIP section clicking away at his laptop. I mentioned to Sai that Naruto didn't seem all that upset.

"Do you know what he hates the most when he is working? When someone breaks his concentration."

Sai pretended to trip and knocked a lone glass from an empty table to the ground. The glass shattered against the ground, breaking the quiet stillness of the restaurant. Naruto's head snapped up and his blue eyes blazed with shadowed intensity. When his eyes focused on us they cooled considerably.

For as long as I've known Naruto it was generally never too difficult to figure out what he thought or how he felt about most things. However, the reality was that the more passionate versions of his emotions rarely broke through the surface. During our childhood the first impressions many had of Naruto was that he wore his heart out on his sleeve. If that was the impression you got of him you'd be right and wrong at the same time. Or perhaps it's better to say your insight would have been shallow. The water on the surface of Naruto's lake was crystal clear, transparent even, but it ran deeper than you could imagine. If you paid attention you'd realize he knew how to govern his passions to an enviable degree. If he wanted you to know he was angry you would see his anger. If he didn't want you to know he was sad you'd see a near genuine smile. What he expressed emotionally was completely contingent on what Naruto felt really mattered in any given situation. Countless people had imagined they had Naruto figured out from their first impression of him, and he would of course surprise them, time and time again.

I include myself in that group.

After Sai helped a staff member of the restaurant clean up his mess. Naruto beckoned us to his table.

"Just in time for lunch."

As we ate I couldn't help but notice that Naruto was being unusually quiet. I pointed this, among other subtle signs of his frustration, out to him but Naruto deflected my observations. As we neared the end of the meal Sai blurted out what I had been dancing around. "Naruto you seem upset"

Caution came upon Naruto's face. "I am fine."

Before either of us could respond Naruto gestured to a passing waiter who was carrying a tray of drinks. He then asked if either of us wanted a drink.

"A little early for that don't you think." I remarked.

He laughed and told me that I sounded like Shikamaru. This did not deter him from ordering a cup of wine.

"You should watch yourself with the drinks in this village Naruto. They can sneak up on you."

Naruto smiled. "Your concern is noted."

He then took a mouthful of wine.

By the time we had finished lunch Naruto had made the decision to confide in us. Well he told us as much as he could considering that what was discussed at Kage summit's was supremely confidential. It'd been obvious to the public that factions had sprung up among the Kages, mini alliances within the Alliance. Some of the new Kages from the more recent villages had decided that it was in their best interest to curb Naruto's influence on the shinobi world. So they undermined his proposals forcing him to have to present them again after adding significant concessions or amendments he rarely cared for.

"When I was saving their lives they loved me. Now that I have ideas that may change their lives they are scared of me."

"Some people want peace on their own terms" Sai said to Naruto.

It was very profound point. Unfortunately Sai continued to talk.

"Have you considered that your influence can reach beyond the Kages, to their council, to their people? With your status as a living legend many shinobi would prefer to be in your shadow rather than that of a typical Kage who is clearly inferior to you in strength. You can create factions in their village setting up the foundations for a coup d'etat. In two years time at the next summit meeting you reveal to the Kages that they can either submit to your will and stay as figurehead rulers of their village or they can face the humiliation of being stripped of their power by their village council."

Naruto leaned back in his seat. "I had not considered that Sai probably because I am not Danzo. Sometimes I forget that you used to be in ROOT."

"I am just presenting the obvious Naruto. The easiest route for you and everyone to lasting peace would be to either single highhandedly or with Sasuke's help wipe them all out in a magnificent display of power at the next summit, except for the Kazekage of course, then you declare yourself the Hokage of all Kages and have Sasuke as your-"

I interrupted Sai with a kick to his shins from beneath the table.

"Sai's just trying to help" I told Naruto.

Naruto nodded patiently. "Sai's not that far away from what some people think I am capable of. That's the frustrating thing about politics...it's still a war just without bloodshed."

After lunch we were dismissed by the Seventh. Sai and I loitered at the table for a moment but Naruto's focus was now completely on his laptop. We'd gotten as far as the entrance before I doubled back to Naruto's table. Upon reaching him I jumped right into my rant. I told Naruto a brief story about Tsunade's work ethic. Whenever Tsunade was working on a difficult project and things weren't really clicking for her she'd end the night by saying "I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred ways that won't work." The night after if things still didn't go well she'd say "I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred and one ways that won't work." She'd keep on going like that until she found the way that worked.

Naruto tilted his head away from the screen just enough to show that he acknowledged my presence.

"I know you will find the right way Naruto because I still believe in you." I blurted out to him. "Well I'm sure a lot of people still believe in you. I am definitely not claiming that I hold exclusive belief in you Naruto, I just wanted to remind you that I am still among those who still believe in you. And there are many who do."

Naruto turned away from the screen a grin making its way across his lips.

"I am trying to figure out how to order you to stop."

"Stop what?" I asked

"No it's impossible, you just do it naturally."

"Do what?"

"Being around you makes me feel very nostalgic. Sakura-c..." He swallowed his words, cleared his throat, swallowed again and chuckled.

"Thank you for the kind words Sakura. You may go now."

Once again I found myself in Naruto's presence with nothing meaningful to say to him. I left and reconnected with Sai outside the restaurant. After talking it over for awhile. We agreed to keep a closer eye on Naruto.

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The problem was nostalgia. For whatever reasons, conscious or unconscious, lately whenever Sakura was around the air became heavy with nostalgia. After rising from the couch and stretching his limbs, Naruto drew in a deep breath. It was perfectly understandable he thought, perfectly natural if he were honest. Certain moods always descended upon him during chuunin-exams. Certain events triggered certain memories and those memories seldom come without baggage.

He let out a breath. Neji came to mind. Neji often came to mind when he attended a chunnin exam. His memories of their fight, of Neji's death, of Neji's life, they always carried what? Sorrow, regret and gratitude in their wakes. In somewhat similar fashion since Sakura had kissed him old feelings had resurfaced.

Naruto ran his palms across his face. Feelings, no he wouldn't go that far. Fantasies-memories of an old love? Love? No, not even that. Unrequited infatuation? Yes of course. Like a tired old man he was replaying-reliving the springtime of youth. Naruto laughed to himself. Gai and Lee would be proud.

He took another deep breath. The stress of the summit and the excitement of the exam had led to the reemergence of a past life. Was something similar occurring with Sakura? She did mention that he had caught her in a bad mood. Was a perfect wave of stress and nostalgia the explanation for the kiss? A possible answer but not a satisfying one. Desiring satisfaction that he wasn't even sure he could find returned to Sakura's journal.

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July 3

First time in two days that I've had the free time to write. Despite the harsh environment the kids really battled hard in the second stage and so too many genin end up passing on. The consequence of this has been an unprecedented and epic multi-day event of randomly selected one-on-one matches. Generational talent had been put on display during the preliminaries and any red-bloodied shinobi could only be excited for the level of skill we were sure to see at the finals.

Still even as we look forward to seeing more of the winners we should still acknowledge those who hadn't be as triumphant. When the preliminaries had ended I found myself treating a despondent genin from the Konoha. Although he'd managed to make it out of a close and engaging fight with only bruised ribs his loss had bruised his self esteem. While I was examining him for any possible head injuries he started to cry. After administering some kindness along with a sedative, I got him to confide in me. Despite having come this far, the boy felt like a failure, a disgrace to his team and village. He'd taken his loss hard so as I treated his ribs I gave him some advice that I'd gleamed over the years.

What I have learned in my life is that there was no such thing as failure to a person that had no lost his guts, character and self respect. A ninja that does the best he or she could do under a given circumstance is a true ninja. Besides there never existed a ninja who succeeded at every objective before him. The great ones however understood that glory came in the rising after every fall. As I talked the boy had remained quiet, when I looked to see if he was being receptive to my words I noticed the wide eyed expression on his face. I followed his gaze beyond my shoulder only to turn to find Naruto.

"Sorry to interrupt" he said staring at me. "It's been awhile since I've watched you work."

I looked a bit to see all the medics and technicians had stopped to stare at him. No one had anticipated that any of the Kages would come down to the medical rooms.

He asked me about the genin. I revealed that as of today no one had suffered any permanent injuries, and there were no casualties either. Naruto found this to be excellent news. I added that I was still a little concerned about him. By the looks of it he was still not getting enough sleep.

He smirked while narrowing his eyes playfully "I appreciate your concern but sleep is a luxury for a Hokage."

I raised my fist. "Naruto if you insist on not getting adequate rest. I'll put you to sleep myself."

He laughed, and then following his cue the eavesdroppers chuckled.

"I will definitely take that into consideration. I am sorry to have concerned you, but I will be fine."

"Of course you will be fine sir, you are the strongest man I know" I said.

Naruto glanced at the still wide-eyed genin. "Take good care of this one Sakura, I need guys like him. Gutsy guys. The future of our village is bright with ninja like him around to support me."

With that said Naruto left and after a few breaths the awestruck genin asked "That was the Hokage right?"

"Yep" I said.

The genin cried again for more joyous reasons this time. A young medic from Takigakure approached me tentatively and asked "You can call your Kage by his first name?"

I hope the next time Naruto wants to tell me he is okay he'll call rather than drop by the medical labs. It took me ten minutes to get everyone back to work.

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July 5th

Naruto and I have fallen into some strange kind of routine. At least "routine" is the only word I can think of at the moment to describe these successive encounters. There is a pause before the final rounds of the exam but we see each other frequently between the summit meetings. And yet we barely utter more than a few phrases to each other.

Maybe I am being too generous calling them actual interactions. Especially if the majority of them consist of us passing by each other as we head off in opposite directions. He would be the Seventh then, surrounded by important people chattering in his ear. They would stop at random intervals so Naruto could make some concise authoritative statement to no one in particular. The moment he stopped talking the chatter would start up again.

Whenever I got close enough to this cavalcade Naruto's eyes would cut towards me and I'd see a smile dance at the corners of her lips. I don't know why but I don't say "hello", I don't wave, I simply meet his gaze. And in the time it takes to draw in a breath we've turned away from each other.

The discreetness of the entire exchange is fascinating but odd. I'm not sure how to describe the tangible undercurrent of these moments. Is it it residual awkwardness from the kiss? Why would it manifest itself like this? The strangeness of these banal moments is that they somehow leave me terrified and elated.

I am a grown woman, a wife and a mother, what is wrong with me?

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Naruto stared at the journal. He contemplated destroying it or perhaps it would be better to order Sakura to destroy it. Could he do that? Could he ask that of her? Anyone who read the entry he just read may get the wrong idea. Was he getting the wrong idea? No, not after that last entry. With the damning evidence down on paper it all seemed obvious.

But where did this, where did it all come from? It still didn't make any sense. He kept reading.

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July 6th:

Quiet day today, thankfully. Heaven willing the rest our time in Amegakure will be as rational. Speaking of the village hidden by rain, I realized today that it hasn't rained a bit since we entered the village. I guess we're lucky for that. People may find it odd but a part of me was looking forward to experiencing some of this village's infamous gloomy weather. I've always found there to be a sad beauty in rainfall. I admit it's strange but to me the rain is quite beautiful to look at especially as it hits the surface of a windowsill. Little drops from the heavens, are they diamonds or teardrops? It depends on your mood.

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July 7th:

I just had a dirty dream.

I haven't had a dirty dream in a long time.

I am a grown woman, married, with a child. My days of dirty dreams should be long behind me. Yet it seems I had underestimated the effects of seeing Naruto half naked would have on me. In the dream I wore the same black dress that I had worn at the opening ceremony except that I was now matching it with knee-high black leather boots. I strutted right into the Hokage's office like I owned the place and no one in the receptionist's area had the nerve to say anything to me. When Naruto saw me come in he looked like he was ready to jump up from behind his desk.

I brought a lone finger to my lips gesturing for him to be still and be silent. I quietly locked the door behind me and then I sauntered over to him. With one sweep of my hand I knocked Naruto's laptop, his lamp, and most of his papers off his desk. I laid down on top of it with my right leg bent and my left extended.

Naruto placed his hand on my knee and ran his fingertips slowly along the inside of my thigh. I moaned softly when he leaned forward and kissed me on the side of my neck. I shivered when his fingers found their way beneath my dress and traced along the edges of my panties. They patiently took the scenic route towards my core. I called out his name and in response Naruto kissed my neck again and bit gently into my skin.

I reached out and pulled his face roughly to mine. His hand slid into my panties.

He whispered my name into my mouth slowly and with promise just as fingers slipped inside me.

Then I woke up.

With my heart pounding and my breathing ragged I ran towards the shower. I spent a while in the shower.

I am not sure how I will able to look Naruto in the eyes today.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Putting the journal to the side, Naruto marched to the kitchen, poured himself a cup of cold water, and then proceeded to dump the water over his head.

The truth now.

He had never stopped being physically attracted to Sakura. Growing close to Hinata had not made Sakura less appealing to him, it hadn't made her hideous. But his attraction became a distant one. When Naruto saw a picture of a beautiful woman he could objectively feel that the woman was alluring or captivating without feeling the pull, the longing to be with that woman. He could have said the same for Sakura for years now. Attraction without the desire for more than he had.

But then the kiss. Just with that it was as if recalling specific details of a once vague memory.

The desire for more returned. No it hadn't simply returned. It had returned with a vengeance. The attractions of his youth, wanting to get a kiss from her or take a peep at her in the baths carried with them an underlying innocence. All of that was a product of wanting to get to know her, to get close to her, to be by her side. His attraction had once been limited by experience. When you knew how it feels to have a woman's body press against yours, when you know firsthand how the female body can soften and sigh and accommodate you, the feeling of her body syncing with yours and what it means to get lost inside her...

Once you know...It made attraction a very different beast. Naruto swiped at his wet fce with his arms. He wondered if Sakura made love with her eyes closed or did her partner get to see her eyes cloud with desire. Did soft moans escape her lips or did she cry out in ecstasy?

He poured himself another glass of water, dumped it over his head, and returned to the journal.

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Jul 8:

I look Naruto directly in the eyes whenever I see him. If I look anywhere else I flashback to him in his boxers.

Not looking forward to sleeping tonight. If I have another dirty dream I'll wake up feeling guilty again. If I don't have another dirty dream I might wake up disappointed.

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Jul 9:

Tonight started off well enough. But of course as expected with my luck recently, it took an unpredicatable turn. The Kage's meeting ended early so Sai and I were invited to have dinner with Naruto and we were soon joined by the Raikage and the Kazekage. As we shared food and drinks we covered every predictable topic under the sun. I found it adorable how Naruto's eyes lit up when he spoke of Himawari and Boruto. He was a proud papa. Eventually we moved to more familiar grounds, the past. Or more specifically the chunin exam Naruto, Gaara, and I had participated in. Gaara ended up apologizing to us over his actions for about the hundredth time since we had become friends. A few gulps of wine made Gaara insistent so the only thing either of us could do was gracefully accept his apology as if it were the first time either of us had heard it

Then things got strange. Naruto had inquired about Bee.

"He's in love," The Raikage had frowned. "Well to be more accurate he's obsessed."

Naruto took this revelation with amusement. The Raikage was not as happy about it. Quite frankly he seemed somewhat irritated by Bee's antics during his apparently fevered courtship.

"It's all he talks about at dinner tables or mission briefings." The Raikage declared.

"Bee did strike me as a romantic" Naruto stated.

"Really? I think this came out of nowhere. I don't remember him ever desiring to be in a-commited relationship."

"Such desires do not materialize out of thin air. He always had it you just never noticed." Gaara told the Raikage.

"Actually" Sai began. "It could have been spontaneous. No one is immune to the sudden arrival or departure of desire."

"That's an interesting point Sai" I said. "It's possible Bee may have had a sudden change of heart."

"Change for the worst." The Raikage sighed. "It's like he's lost his mind."

Taking this cue I told the group an amusing bit of medical history. Centuries ago love sickness had been listed as a medical condition. Of all the passions listed love was considered the most violent and troubling of all. Though not fatal it had considerable mental and physical effects on the people.

"So what did our ancestors think was the cure for this condition?" Naruto asked me.

"Well according to the scrolls when no other means will take effect. Let the patient go off and be with his lover."

"Sounds effective." Naruto said with a smirk.

"If I were perfectly honest...I don't know what Bee sees in her." The Raikage groused.

Naruto nodded. "Well what's that old saying, 'the heart has its reasons, which reason does now know.'"

Gaara aglow from his last cup of wine glanced across the dinner table at me and then Naruto. Sighing contently he announced, "Shukaku and I were a little surprised when we heard you married Hinata, Naruto. You had fought really hard to protect Sakura during our fight both of us thought you'd two would get together."

Naruto was seated to my left and I turned to him just as he turned to the right. I waited for him to comment but I suppose he'd been waiting for me to comment because Gaara's statement was met by absolute silence.

So of course Sai jumped, "That is interesting because I too once believed Naruto held strong feelings for Sakura."

Naruto addressed the table.

"I still do have strong feelings for Sakura...just not in the way you once thought Sai. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around our team and when you are young you think you were feeling one thing and it isn't until you get a little older that your realize it might have been something else."

Sai seemed to consider this. "So you are saying your feelings weren't real?"

"Sakura and I discussed it and we concluded that my feelings at the time may have stemmed from something other than love. Something inferior."

"Compared to Sakura's love for Sasuke" Sai added.

"Let's just say my feelings were not as big as her love for Sasuke."

Naruto laughed good naturedly. "So its easy to see why Sakura never considered me."

Despite my better judgment I said. "That's not true. I did consider you. I mean it did cross my mind."

"Really?" Sai asked.

Naruto returned his attention to me. His eyes were as steady as his voice.

"Sai, I think Sakura is just trying to spare my feelings."

He stared right into my eyes as he talked.

"Sasuke was-is the only love I've known that is true. But I did consider Naruto."

I was addressing the table as well but I didn't break our eye contact.

"Naruto was the strongest of the three of us-not just in a physical sense. In the sense of keeping himself together. Naruto is sweet and kind and he just naturally tries to take care of those around him. Of course I did consider Naruto but..."

I paused.

My brain might have been in overdrive but my mouth was still way ahead of it. The words formed in my mouth before they registered in my thoughts.

"Well...He didn't need me."

I broke our eye contact and stared down at my hands. It took me a moment to regain the courage to look back up at him.

"I wanted to be needed."

I barely heard Sai's voice over the sound my blood, rushing to my ears, I'm not sure what he said. I stared into Naruto's eyes with such intensity the only color I saw was blue.

"...So just like Hinata needed me." I had heard someone say.

And it took me a half a second to recognize it had been Naruto's voice. He broke our eye contract and turned back to the rest of the table and dispelled the tense atmosphere with a jovial smile. Naruto was one of those rare people who could alter moods with the twitch of his lips and and the twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

"In the end it all worked out for the best. We're both with the loves our lives, we're still friends, everyone is happy."

Sai nodded. "There's also a saying that true love like cream in homogenized milk will always rise to the surface. "

"I am not sure anyone has ever said those exact words Sai but the sentiment is sweet" I laughed.

The entire table broke out into laughter. No one laughed with more enthusiasm than Gaara whom right up to Sai's "quotation" had a guilty, embarrassed look on his face. It's obvious that he had no idea that his casual statement would have opened up such a can of worms. So of course he eagerly accepted this lighter tone. The conversation shifted to safer grounds as we snacked on dessert. After some cake and icecream our little party broke up for the night. In the process of bidding everyone goodnight I let it slip that I was going to the medical labs to pick up some notes I had left behind.

Well what happened at dinner was quite an emotional experience for me. But that turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg. What happened next was for better or worse the emotional highlight of the night. In the lab there were a handful of medics and technicians looking over some equipment. No one who would be really surprised to see me there during the night shift hours. I went to my office and waited for the inevitable knock on the door. It came about fifteen minutes after my arrival.

I took in a deep breath before calling out that the door was open,

Naruto eased into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. I waited for him to say something else but he simply studied me.

"There was no reason for me to lie" I said anticipating his thoughts. "Not this time..."

He didn't respond but I noticed his breathing was irregular. It was relatively shallow and swift, not usual from someone with Naruto's level of fitness or his demeanor. It was subtle though and would have escaped the notice of most people. But as a medic it would have been harder for me not to notice. He was, I realized, making a very good attempt to relax himself and regain his composure. What I could not tell by his breathing was if he was angry or simply hurt.

I stepped closer to Naruto and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing has changed Naruto."

He licked his lips, "I don't even know if I believe anything you say anymore."

"What?"

"I hear you but I can't tell..." The impact of his gaze on me was so intense that I took a half step back. "When you kissed me it-."

He cut himself off mid sentence and he let his eyes roam around the office.

"Why did you come to your office instead of going to your hotel room?"

"I figured you would want to talk. I thought I'd save us the trouble of having to explain you knocking on my door during the night."

"You thought you'd save us the trouble?"

He smiled.

"Am I that predictable Sakura?"

"It depends. When you get your mind to do something, you tend to just go and do i-"

Naruto interrupted me by pulling me close and giving me a long lingering kiss. I suppose if he wanted me to shut up that was one way to get me to do it. He broke the kiss and pulled back. I think now, in hindsight, that he was gauging my reaction. I was a little too stunned to speak but my body knew exactly what to do. I arched closer to him and Naruto dove in for seconds. This kiss was an explosion compared to the last two kisses. Urgency replaced sweetness when his lips covered, well I should say claimed my own. An anything but tentative tongue brushed past my lips and explored the world beyond. Once I got over my initial shock I responded with equal ferocity knocking the Hokage hat right off his head as I drove my fingers into his blonde hair. Then like a river meeting the sea I simply flowed into him.

Instinct and need drove me to edge both of us towards my desk. I was just about to push Naruto on top of a pile of injury reports when I heard heavy footsteps in the lab outside the door. Somebody coughed and we froze. Naruto's hands stalled on the first knotted button on my dress and my fingers stilled on the waistband of his pants.

We stood there for a minute, holding on tightly, breathing each other in. The footsteps faded away.

I think I made a noise between a giggle and a sigh right before I said, "That should not have happened."

"I shouldn't eat ramen, I shouldn't drink, I shouldn't kiss you. Sakura tell me why all the bad stuff are so addictive?"

I lowered my voice to a raspy tone. "In my professional medical opinion I think you just have an addictive personality. You get a taste of something good and you just want more."

Naruto gave me a wolfish grin. "I think you're right doctor I just can't help myself."

Heaven help me I giggled again when our lips met for a third and fourth time.

When the chuckles subsided Naruto pulled back. We just looked at each other, neither of us saying a word. I reached out and gently caressed his face, outlining his whiskers with my fingertips. In the silence of the room the moment passed and reality settled in for both of us.

"I think we've crossed a line." He said.

We released our grips on each other. Naruto glanced at the desk I followed his gaze. I believe it dawned on us both at the same time what would have happened had we been in a less public area. In the moment of silence that followed we readjusted our clothing, smoothed out our hair and buttoned what had been unbuttoned. All these actions occurred beneath a shared cloud of guilt.

Soon enough Naruto back to respectable form with his hat on and his spine straight and I found to courage to apologize.

He shook his head, apologizing to me "I should be...better than this"

"We both should be better...than this" I conceded.

Naruto walked towards the door but stopped with his hand on the knob. "Before I met you, I wanted to be the Hokage. I don't recall much about my life befor that dream was part of my life. I can't even imagine what a Uzumaki Naruto who didn't want to be a Hokage would look like. I knew from a very early age that nothing, nothing on this earth would get in the way of my dream."

He look over his shoulder at me. "Sakura you and I are very similar. Was-Am I wrong to think that?"

I felt a hard lump in my throat and I did my best to swallow it. "We are similar in many ways."

Naruto waited a beat before adding, "I thought so."

He studied me for a moment before leaving. No more words were exchanged, no secretive touch, no discreet eye contact-no goodbye smooch.

I took a moment then to assess myself. I waited for guilt, and shame to engulf me. They came in time. I felt shame when I thought of Sarada and the kind of woman I wanted to be in her eyes. I felt guilty when I thought about the vows that I had made and the promises I had broken if not physically but mentally. I regretted that my life had reached a point where the kiss of a man other than my husband would leave a song humming in my veins.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto recalled the moment after the second kiss when Sakura had pushing up against him. It was then that it had dawned on him what was happening. At that moment in time he had wanted nothing more than for it to happen. It was like losing himself to Kurama the way he had lost his senses.

In the aftermath, while he was in his room and with reason returned to him, he found himself overwhelmed by guilt. He considered calling to his wife. Coming clean to Hinata, letting her know what had happened, how he felt. He wanted to tell the truth. But what had been the truth? What could he tell her? Was it lust, love? When did he fall in love with Sakura? When did he have time to fall in love with his busy schedule?

He didn't call her. He was supposed to make her happy, supposed to keep her happy, that was his role as a husband. He had an obligation to Hinata, she was his wife, the mother of his children, his greatest fan. He hated to disappoint her.

Naruto had no intention of breaking up his marriage. However in a moment of clarity, even when his lust had abated, he was aware that the temptation to go back to Sakura was a real one. It was something more that just a physical reaction. This feeling though familiar frightened him. It frightened him more than any enemy combatant ever could.

Naruto laughed as he flipped the next page in Sakura's journal, he was in the same position that he had been many years ago. Of his feelings he was sure of Sakura's he could not be certain.

XXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jul 10:

Infidelity is an ugly word.

An even uglier act

Nothing good can come from it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 10:

There were times while Sarada was at the academy that I would lay down in bed and think to myself. There must be more to love than this. If I were to find something more in the arms of someone other than my husband would that really make me a monster? Perhaps

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 11

Naruto forgets that he and Sasuke are also alike. Sasuke also had a dream that no one would get in the way of. Sasuke lived out his dream and has yet to forgive himself for its completion.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 12:

If I can just keep everything contained to my private thoughts. Then it isn't all that bad. If it's all a fantasy than I haven't betrayed anyone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 13:

Sai came to me while I was on my lunch break.

"He's upset again."

We got to Naruto's hotel room just as Gaara was stepping out. The Kazekage closed the door behind him with a heavy sigh. I threw questions at him. I managed to only get a vague and cryptic answer, which was all things considered a victory.

"The further we get from the war the easier it is for idealism to be replaced by everyday."

It wasn't much but it shed a little light on what I could expect from Naruto's mindset. We entered the hotel room to find Naruto scolding his laptop.

"I needed the revision yesterday! Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, I needed it yesterday!"

Shikamaru's voice came through speakers. "I'll try and get it to you tonight."

"Don't try, get it to me Shikamaru! Get me that revision because I am drowning here and you are supposed to be my lifeboat!"

Naruto slammed the lid of the laptop shut. He turned to us his eyes wild with passionate fury.

"What do you want?" He grunted.

Before we could say anything Naruto cut us off with a wave of his hand.

"Actually no, I am headed out. I need some air."

Sai stepped forward. "Are you leaving the hotel? I have to alert securirty when you leave..."

Naruto shook his head. "I don't have time for that"

"But the Alliance has set rather definite regulations about moving around-"

Naruto interrupted Sai with a spat.

"If there is someone out there who is strong enough to kill me Sai what can you or Amegakure's security protocol do against him? I'd have to protect you guys! You guys would be burdens to me. You are useless Sai, can't you see that?!"

I slapped Naruto across the face with my open hand. It wasn't something I consciously thought about doing. It just happened and I heard Sai gasp.

"Ask me again if I think you've changed." I said to Naruto.

The Seventh stepped back. He was hurt, he was humiliated. But mostly the slap had startled him. He put his hands up toward his face and looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes. I've hit Naruto so many times over the years and I think this was the first time I had ever truly hurt him.

He wasn't alone. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks

After a moment he closed his eyes and when he reopened them he offered me and Sai an oddly composed stare.

"Anyone who is still in this room when I get back will be stripped of their rank."

He maqrched out of the room leaving me and Sai alone.

"I suppose we should just give him some space for now" Sai mused. He was surprisingly unfazed by what just happened. I took a bit of confidence from that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 15:

"What do you want Uchiha-san?" Naruto slurred at me when I first approached him.

I suppose "Uchiha-san" was supposed to hurt me but he was the one who flinched at his own words. As if he had tossed explosives at me but was standing too close to the explosion to avoid the sharpnel.

Unlike Tsunade and Lee, Naruto was a mellow drunk. A certain amount of liquor made him docile, it made him slower. Booze always seemed to curb his personality. However, it also made him less inclined to guard some of his more private thoughts.

"They've got really tasty drinks here don't they?"

"It's something else" Naruto answered.

"Sai told me you apologized to him. He also said that you were brooding in your room."

Naruto had been sitting in a reclining chair on the balcony of his room when I entered. We were on the thirtieth floor so he was staring out into the horizon with a bottle of sake at his side.

"I do not brood Sakura. I am reflecting on my life."

"You are drunk."

"I reflect better when I am drunk."

"Well brooding, reflecting, I am here to cheer you up."

"You really shouldn't be here" he said.

I asked why not.

He looked me up and down in an exaggerated manner and said, "Because like you said I am drunk. And you might think you know what I need. But I know what I want."

He fell abruptly silent, as if he felt he had said too much. He turned away embarrassed.

"Sorry about that. That was-I don't know what that was."

I stepped deeper into the balcony. "That was you being drunk. It doesn't matter though I probably trust you more than anyone."

Naruto offered me a skeptical look. "Really, even after what happened in your office?"

"I am fairly sure I actively participated in that incident."

"I might drunkenly fondle you."

"Only if I let you."

Naruto's right eyebrow rose suggestively.

"No."

"It would cheer me up though."

"You are a married man Naruto. I am a married woman."

"Yeah we were married two days ago in your office and look how that turned out..."

I conceded his point as he sipped from the bottle.

He then sighed. "I'm sorry about the other day Sakura. I was projecting my own uselessness on someone else. Projecting is the right word right?"

I answered that though the usage was correct the context seemed questionable.

"I am failing as the Hokage Sakura," Naruto told me as if it were the most obvious news in the world.

"How can you possibly think that?"

He explained that when it was becoming clear that Naruto's time to be Hokage was fast approaching he asked Shikamaru to calculate the chances of a war breaking out during his tenure. Shikamaru came to him the next week with troubling news.

Naruto quoted Shikamaru's exact words to me very dramatically.

"These are all estimations of course. But based on the current political climate as long as you remain as strong as you are for the rest of your life there will be less than twenty percent chance of a war breaking out between the villages while you live. If you lost your power or died of natural causes in office there's a Fifty five percent chance there will be a war between at least two village within fifteen years of your death or loss of power. War will break out within one year if you are assassinated and Sasuke is still alive."

"Sasuke would probably not react to your assassination in a reasonable manner" I told Naruto.

Naruto snorted "A fine mess for my successor to clean up."

Naruto had asked Shikamaru to elaborate on the report. And his future councilor did. It seemed the fighting hadn't stopped because of any serious idealism forged by camaraderie discovered during the war. The reality was nothing at the moment had been worth fighting for to risk Naruto and Sasuke intervening. At best in a conflict between nations or villages Naruto and Sasuke could stop a fight and humiliate the combatants in front of the entire world. At worst if either Naruto or Sasuke picked a side during a conflict the other side faced the prospect of complete destruction. The scales would realign themselves when one of them died. With better odds they would take more risks.

"So I thought to myself I have to change the way people think about certain things. But I needed to do something without being the big stick hovering over everyone. Without being the weapon that Nagato left behind to keep people in check. I needed people to be open to change without me having to flex first."

Immediately after becoming Hokage, Naruto had Shikamaru began to work around the clock to come up with ways to further the international peace movement. However whenever Naruto presented some of his ideas to other Kages, the newer ones especially, the Daimyos, or other heads of state, they talked over him, they talked down to him, they talked through him. They talked to him about economics, history, geography, they had many legitimate reasons and many excuses to paint him as just an idealistic dreamer. A very strong dreamer though, worth meeting, worth respecting for his battle prowess, worth going to for protection if need be, but a dreamer nonetheless. So they did their best to keep information from him, to leave him confused and misinformed, they chuckled right in his face if he was caught lacking in knowledge of the current topic of discussion. In some instances he had found himself feeling as if he had been transported back to his "deadlast" days in the academy.

"To change a political climate you've got to be political right? I needed to think like them, I needed to be able to maneuver around words and people, to read between lines like them, I need to know what they knew. I worked hard at that for a long long time. I learned how to be a politician Sakura, and I used what I learned over the years to get this chunin exam."

"It's a tremendous achievement," I said.

"You would think that. Except that it's scared some people. Some of the kages don't trust me anymore. They think I have too much influence on the world stage. Sakura this whole time I thought I was working with them towards achieving the chunin exams. It turns out I had been fighting them, I fought with politics instead of my fist to get this. There's more tension now then there was when I got into office. All these years and I've made it worse."

He took another swig of sake.

"With the way things are now if I die tonight within fifteen years there is a better than fifty percent chance of a war breaking out. That means Boruto, Sarada, Himawari will have to fight, they'll have to watch their friends die. What is the point of anything I've ever done if I can't even keep our children out of war Sakura?!"

I asked Naruto if he thought he could stop wars forever. He didn't think so, but he had pledged to himself that he would at least minimize the possibility that his children would experience the horrors of war.

"I am the Hokage, I should be making a better future for the next generation."

I mentioned to him that I thought he had been changing the world by just being him. To me he had been changing the world before he even became Hokage. I told him how Sarada will look to her father and try to decipher what being a shinobi really means. She'll learn from him that a shinobi loves and protects her village and her family and she should never give up on them. When she comes to me for the same thing, I'll tell her that a shinobi tries to understand others, even her enemies. That compassion is not a weakness and love is a strength. Both of our answers will come from our personal experiences with the same man. Hopefully Sarada will pass this example on to her children, just like Boruto and Himawari will pass it on to their children. Ino's children, Shikamaru's children, Konohamaru's children hopefully they will all pass it down.

"That sounds like the Will of Fire" Naruto said.

I insisted that it was different. This was new. The First was only thinking about Konohagakure. If one percent of the people who felt Naruto's feelings during the war pass it on to their children and they pass it on to their own. one day then what it means to be a shinobi will be completely different than what Hashirama even imagined. And the world would be a better place for it.

"Hopefully" Naruto said. "Maybe you are giving me too much credit Sakura "

"No I don't think so Naruto. You are actually the coolest guy."

Naruto tried to suppress a smile, but he did not quite make it.

"Hey don't hide it from me, I like that smile."

He grinned. He then brought the half finished bottle of sake to his mouth but stopped himself and placed it back down on the ground beside him.

"Thank you."

"No, I should thank you for inviting me here. I really enjoyed working with medical ninjutsu again. Naruto I really do love being a medic."

"Give me a phone, I'll reinstate you as the lead medic in Konoha right now."

It made me really happy to know that Naruto believed in me so much. I said that to him. But I had to decline. Sarada needed me, I may be an ineffectual wife but I've devoted myself to being a great mother.

Naruto started to say something, but seemed to think better of it, "...I understand."

"I've made my choices and I'll stick to them."

Naruto looked at me, considering. "Sakura, are we going to have an affair?"

I was standing still and yet somehow I almost tripped over my own feet.

"Who said anything about an affair?!"

Naruto shrugged. "No one has said anything about an affair. There's just this thing going on between us."

"A thing?" I asked.

"A thing. And it keeps me up at night."

He paused.

"I didn't mean for it to sound like that."

I draw in three deep breaths. Then I gave Naruto my opinion on our "thing."

"It was like you explained at dinner. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around when we were younger. It could be happening again. I had been feeling really lonely lately and Naruto had been feeling very stressed. The circumstances we found ourselves in, created fantasies in our minds. Fantasies that we might be able to turn the clock back, return to a time when we were young and fresh and innocent and we only had our dreams. When we feel any sort of distance between ourselves and our spouses we build intimate connections with people whom we believe we might be able to relive our lives, it's an impossible but attractive dream."

Naruto stared at me his reddened eyes wide. "Wow, you've given this a lot of thought."

"I-I've been thinking things through since the scene in my office. I don't want to make a mistake based on poor judgment and wishful thinking." I said.

"So if we were in love, right now, it wouldn't be a mistake?"

"It would still be a mistake" I pointed out. "We would simply have a better excuse for making a mistake than we do now."

"You are smart Sakura you should have been Hokage."

Naruto looked me over again. This time without the exaggerated lust that was meant to scare me off. When he spoke again his voice had changed, it was kind and generous and cheerful, like the Naruto of old.

"You know the truth is, it would have never worked out between us. You would have been mean to me all the time."

I smiled. "You would annoy me all the time."

"I bet you snore Sakura."

"I do not snore!"

"Not only do you snore you hog all the blankets."

"I bet you eat in bed and leave crumbs all over the place," I countered.

"You don't even know how to cook ramen do you?"

"You don't know how to eat anything besides ramen do you?"

"It's obvious Sakura, you and I were not meant to be."

Naruto smiled. The slightest kindest smile. He looked at me the same way he had looked at me while standing on my doorstep in Konohagakure months ago. I knew then that I was in love with Naruto. I was on the verge of my own emotional breakdown. But the moment wasn't about me, It was about Naruto. We chatted and laughed some more our conversation colored meticulously in between platonic lines. Eventually he began dropping hints that I should leave. I suspected he had some more "reflecting" to do so I dragged the conversation until he announced that he intended to go to bed. I didn't believe him but I couldn't babysit him.

Before I left I said to him that he really had no need to redefine himself to be a good Hokage. If anything he should redefine what it means to be a good Hokage. He nodded to me in silent acknowledgment of the statement. I do not know if my words had any impact on him or if he simply just wanted me leave. I left reluctantly and I retreated back to my room where I granted myself the opportunity to shatter properly.

I had told Naruto the truth when I said that he had caught me at a bad time right before I kissed him. I had been indeed, at that moment, vulnerable to his presence. But as history has proven its when I am at my most vulnerable that my relationship with Naruto clarifies itself. I can admit it to myself now I kissed him because I love my stupid Hokage. As much as it sounds like the plot of a trashy novel I am a woman, mother, wife, who is in love with her boss. I didn't tell Naruto this because he would want to know how, and why now? After all these years, after all that has happened. What could I say really? Could I really tell him it's because of the way he looked at me. Naruto probably doesn't even know he does it.

I am reminded now of cryptic remarks uttered to me by Tsunade randomly for years when in her most inebriated states

"Naruto still looks at you like you're a woman."

She would ay this to me and I would simply nod my head at her. How else was Naruto supposed to look at me? I was a woman after all. I didn't get it, I had stopped paying attention long ago. Then he invited me to be part of the chunin exams. Naruto stood at my door and his warm eyes washed over me. He didn't just simply see me as a woman like Tsunade had said. I was a mother, I was a trusted friend, I was someone who had talent, who had skill, someone who he admired, someone beautiful and sexy, someone who was worth being looked at with love by someone like him.

That wasn't the first time he had looked at me that way. I can remember now bits and pieces, moments in time, the look had been there. It had always been there. I kissed Uzumaki Naruto, my friend, my Hokage, a married man I now love, six months ago, and fifteen years too late.

After the war I had concluded his feelings for me were rooted in his rivalry with Sasuke, that made more sense to me at the time than anything else. And it made things much easier. No would get hurt if that were the truth. So for years this was our truth. Naruto was happy with Hinata and I was happy with Sasuke, everyone got what they wanted.

So what right did I have to love Naruto now?

In years these kisses will be harmless kisses between friends. This will again be our truth and it will become the truth. Naruto will continue to be happy with his family, and I will be happy with my family.

Everyone will be happy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Of all the emotions that swelled beneath him anger was the first to break through. In a fury Naruto slammed Sakura's journal on the coffee table. He then sat back on the couch and waited for his rage to settle. Whom was he mad at? Himself, Sakura, the universe?

Love he had always known was a powerful individual driving force. But was a person driven by that force obligated to respect the personal force driving another? This is what Naruto had considered in a far less sophisticated manner years ago when he had first seen signs of Sasuke reciprocating Sakura's affection. Sakura was in love. Naruto was in love too. There was an obvious conflict. When Naruto considered Sakura's love. When he considered how it had remained intact through various trials and tribulations. When he considered how much she was willing to sacrifice for Sasuke. He didn't think he could win, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to win. Why cut Sasuke from a potential source of happiness? Truth be told he admired the depth of Sakura's feelings. In many ways he could have related. So for the first time in his life Naruto conceded defeat without trying his best.

When Sasuke had gone on the first of his many journeys Sakura measured their friendship for any sign of hard feelings. Naruto downplayed his intentions and she was left with her assumptions. He didn't fight her on it. It didn't matter whether they, her assumptions, were true or not. The results would be the same. Perception became reality and he opened his heart to alternatives.

Naruto sighed as he lifted himself off the couch

An alternative had presented itself. And he fell in love again. No, it had been a different feeling with Hinata, he didn't fall, he accepted love. He wanted to protect and take care of her. He wanted to be there for her. It seemed inevitable. He thought it was mature, a mature love that would carry him through the rest of his life. He made a home with Hinata. They had established a future.

As Naruto headed to the bathroom memories of his visit to the Uchiha household floated to his mind. Even before the kiss when they were just talking about the chunin exam the familiarity had been there. But he was being disingenuous. Familiarity wasn't the right word to use. It was chemistry. The conversation had been like a dance, he dipped, she dipped, they matched each other's stride, it was fun. He gone over to give her a briefing of sorts, a mission with objectives and it was fun. When it was over he hadn't wanted to leave. He couldn't stay so he just took a moment to look at her. She noticed his look, closed her eyes, lifted her head and their lips collided.

In hindsight there had been other moments like that in the past. Of course none of them had ended with a kiss but the atmosphere had been similar. Brief moments during birthday parties, village festivals, and the occasional double date. A glance here, an affectionate touch there, the occasional playful conversation, a smile seen from the corner of his eyes. Platonic moments of course since they were old friends.

Naruto turned the tap in the bathroom sink and allowed the cold water to pool in his hands. He splashed the water across his face and the bracing cold shocked his system.

He had reset. Now it was time to decide what kind of a man Uzumaki Naruto was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sakura was disheveled in appearance and emotion when she entered Naruto's room later that evening. She noted immediately that he appeared to be in no better shape at least in his outward appearance. Any sleep he had gotten had not been a restful one. But at least he wasn't wet.

"You were out in that rain?" Naruto asked.

"Yep. It's cats and dogs out there" she replied. The downpour had hit her out of the blue. Within minutes, she was soaked through. Now water dripped from her hair onto the hotel room's carpet.

"Out for a walk?" He asked.

"Trying to clear my head. Should have brought an umbrella."

The chunin exams had not been easy on either of them. But it was almost over. When they got home in a few days, when they were around the safety net of their friends and family things would go back to normal.

Naruto had been standing near the glass doors that led out into the balconly. When she started to move deeper into the living room Naruto stopped her by putting his hand up.

"I am sorry" He stated.

She stared at him quizzically"For what?"

Naruto pointed to the notebook that lay on the coffee table.

"I stole your journal from your room. I read it."

She charged.

Naruto slipped away from her blow in a blast of chakra.

Now standing a few feet away from her he said, "As sorry as I am and I am truly sorry. I can't let you kill me Sakura."

She turned to him her fists clenching. "It'll be okay as long as I restart your heart within four to six minutes.."

Naruto scratched at his cheek. "Let's talk about this reasonably."

"Reasonably? You ass!You broke into my room and stole my journal!"

"Okay there's nothing reasonable about what I did. But still let's talk."

She turned away from him and walked towards the balcony. She drew in three quick breaths while watchig sporadic raindrops collect on the glass doors.

"Sakura...I needed to know."

"Well now you know. And it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything. What was the point?"

"I had to know" Naruto repeated.

She turned to him. "And?"

"And I fell for you again, no maybe I never stopped loving you I don't know. Maybe you are right, maybe its was triggered by stress or some other psychological thing whatever. All I know is it's real, my feelings are real."

"And what good do all these revelations do for us?" Sakura asked with her eyes misting over.

"With everything out in the open we can now proceed accordingly."

Naruto straightened his posture and drew in a massive breath.

"Sakura it's very simple we are going to ignore it all. Live our lives as if none of this ever happened"

"It's that easy?" Sakura asked.

"I never said it would be easy Sakura I said it's simple. The answer to this problem is a simple one, living it out is hard. In time it'll just fade away like a hard to remember dream."

"Poetic" Sakura smiled. "You know I used to believe that feelings couldn't change."

"Sakura even if it's true that feelings can't change, the fact is they can be ignored. "

The Seventh walked over to the coffee table and picked up the notebook. He took a few steps towards Sakura and extended the journal out to her.

"Sakura the path I've walked has given me Boruto and Himawari. If I were sent back and given the choice I'd walk down the same path again. I'm sure you feel the same way about Sarada."

"Absolutely." Sakura took notebook from him, and in the exchange she perceived the wisdom of Naruto's words. Though there was a slight coldness in them. An accurate if not harsh assessment of their reality. Clutching her journal in her hands she understood that Naruto was right, her options were crystal clear. Love or loss, similar words, four letters, one syllable each.

"You know I think I was scared" Naruto said.

"Scared?"

"I knew how you felt about Sasuke. But I could have confessed anyway just for the closure if nothing else. But it's easier not to knock than to have the door close on your face."

"You were scared? You mister defier of impossible odds, the legendary Stubborn Fox of Konohakagure?"

Naruto shook his head, "I never liked that nickname. Yeah I guess I was scared but I knew it would work out for the best and it has."

"What would you have said to me?" Sakura inquired.

Confusion masked Naruto's face.

"If you had back then, if you had a chance to tell me how you felt, what would you have said?"

Naruto turned away and chuckled. "I wrote it down you know...back then, I had it all down. I used to practice in front of a mirror. Then I throw it out."

"Do you remember any of it?"

"I don't understand..."

"I think this will help." Sakura said. "It's closure..."

"Closure?"

"Trust me."

After a moment of contemplation or hesitation Naruto began "I would have said-I would have said that Sakura I spent a lot of time trying to read your mind. I can't read it but I still try all the time. I think I know what would make you happy. But I can''t really know. Can you really know everything about someone else? Probably not. You Sakura, you don't know much I want to love you..But I know how much I love you. I know that if were together I would get on your nerves, and we would fight a lot. And I can't be the type of cool guy that you want. But I know that I can love you constantly with everything I have. Because I want too. I know I am selfish and I am greedy, because I want to be the one to make you happy, I want to wipe away your tears, I want be the one to make you smile."

Naruto paused, interrupted seemingly by a sudden memory. He then sighed "And that's what I would have said to you."

"What do you think I would-How would I have answered your confession?"

"I expected you to say 'thank you for your feelings Naruto. I appreciate them but I am in love with Sasuke.'"

Sakura drew in a deep breath and looked Naruto in the eyes. "Thank you for your feelings Naruto. I appreciate them but I am in love with Sasuke."

Naruto studied her but said nothing.

"Naruto am I telling the truth? Can you tell? Do you believe me?"

"I don't" he said, his voice slightly cracked.

With her heart beating with a rapidness that frightened her. Sakura deftly slipped her wedding ring off her finger and placed it down on the coffee table. She looked back at Naruto.

"I'll face the rain. For a touch of the sun" Her voice quivered with such vulnerability, that it made Naruto ache. Looking carefully he could see the resolve and passion of her stubborn nature burning behind her eyes.

"Ah" he sighed. "I remember why I love you."

Naruto lifted his hand and glanced at his fingers. He slid the ring from his finger, walked stiffly over to the coffee table, and put his ring down next to Sakura's. He cupped her face with both hands and kissed her once, briefly, before he put one hand behind her neck and the other at the small of her back, pulling her into a deeper kiss. Sakura reached over, running a hand from his arm to his chest then down to rest on his waist line.

With no desk in the hotel room, Naruto reasoned he would have to make do with a bed. Walking her backwards he guided her towards the bedroom. They stumbled out of the living room running into furniture and almost tripping over each others feet multiple times in their frenzied need to cling to each other. Locked in a ceaseless kiss they bounced against the walls of the hall leading to his bedroom until they pushed through the door.

They finally broke apart when they were mere steps away from his bed.

"We're here" Naruto laughed.

"Almost didn't make it" Sakura laughed back.

Naruto reached to her and started slowing unbuttoning her clothes. Anxious she licked her lips as her dress began to slip from her shoulders. When he reached the last button he whispered her name. A question not a statement, an opportunity for her to pull back and retreat.

She pressed her hand against the back of his neck and brought his mouth to hers. So the dress fell to the floor leaving her in her boots bra and panties. Naruto picked her up as if she were light as a feather and laid her down on his bed. With one hand he removed her bra. His tongue moved down her torso before he slipped off her panties and finally her boots. Sakura stretched out in his bed completely naked and Naruto straightened to take the sight in. She took pleasure in the fact that he liked what he saw. It was her turn now so she reached up and undressed him kissing every inch that was uncovered

When he was fully nude she kissed his chest and dropped lower pausing briefly at his nipple then inching closer to his belly. When her tongue caressed the tip of him his whole body grew rigid.

"Sakura" he said. Not really knowing why. Was he trying to stop her? Was he encouraging her. He didn't know, his brain wasn't functioning properly.

She took him in her mouth. As deep as she could before sucking hard all the way back to the tip.

"Okay" Naruto heard himself mutter. He rested his hands on her head. This time for sure to encourage her. He ran his fingers through her hair as she worked her mouth up and down his shaft.

"Slow down Sakura" he warned after a few more blissful moments.

She either didn't hear him or she didn't care. She began humming so her lips vibrated as she worked her way down the shaft to the groin and his eyes started to lose focus.

"Sakura I am going..."

Sakura pulled up. "It's alright I want you to.."

She went back down to take him in again but this time he pulled away almost falling completely off the bed.

"No, no, not yet." he said to her.

He kissed her and let his hands cup her breasts. He kneaded her gently as he maneuvered her down onto her back. Then he nudged her legs apart and knelt between them. He bent down and his tongue parted her lips. She arched towards him. He braced his hand on her thighs and held her steady as long deep thorough licks aross her hypersensitive nub set her on her fire. His pride swelled when she began to babble gibberish at him. Nonsensical phrases and wordless moans with his name interposed between them filled his ear when his tongue circled her. In time she strained upwards with her fist clenching his hair and her head thrown back. When her legs wrapped tightly around his head and her body quaked he knew he had her.

Naruto pulled up over Sakura and he rained he kisses down on her face as she caught her breath. He then kissed around her breasts the left and the right, each nipple hardened the moment his tongue slipped over it. Abruptly she reached down and grabbed him by the back of his head

"Okay it's been fifteen years of foreplay Naruto. I want to feel you" She growled.

He grinned. "

When he entered her she was soaking wet. He pulled out almost all the way and returned with one great thrust. At first he wanted to tease her a bit but when he was sheathed completely in her slickness he felt the overwhelming sensation that this was where he belonged. He closed his eyes and the weight of the world seemed to lift right off his shoulders. Years of weariness melted away from his body. He felt a soft hand caress his cheek and he opened his eyes.

Sakura looked up at him. "Hey, let me in."

He smiled as their gazes locked. Naruto moved in and out in a slow steady rhythm. Deeper, harder. inch by heated inch he buried himself inside her. She squeezed him using her inside muscles to pull on him. He shuddered feeling the fire build. He shook it off willing himself to maintain control. He took her shoulder in his mouth gently grazing it with his teeth and sucking on it until she gasped out loud.

He felt her body tighten and relax against him. She was tipping over the edge losing herself. He smiled knowing for sure that he had her again. But then she wrapped her legs around him bringing him impossible closer, and she kissed along his chest and neck

He lost it

His steady rhythm collapsed into a frantic frenzied pace. He sent her over the edge but he followed right after. Naruto shuddered violently as he came inside her.

When he could think again Naruto dropped his sweaty forehead down to hers. "Sakura"

"Yeah?" She said riding her own wave.

"That's two to one."

"I see."

Sakura braced her elbow onto the bed and placed her open palm against his chest. She pushed while simultaneously sliding out from beneath him. Suddenly Naruto found himself flipped onto his back.

Sakura straddled his body. She took a hold of him in her hand and within a few gentle strokes he was hard again.

"All I know is I'm going to put you to sleep"

She guided him into her. Then she plunged downward fully impaling herself onto him. Sakura contracted her muscles around him. Then she moved her hips once testing. Naruto's eyes squeezed shut and his fingers dug into the skin of her buttocks. She braced her hands on her knees and lifted her pelvis, then dropped it back down again slowly, rising and falling.

Increasing the intensity she braced her hand on his shoulders and increased her pace. She positioned herself in a way that Naruto could more effectively rub against her. Pleasure slammed against her as she rode him with fast movements of her hips. Naruto threw his head back on the pillow his face twisted in pleasure and it only encouraged her further.

She tooks his hands and leaned back creating new friction at a new angle. Naruto was sweating profusely now desperately tried to regain control before he lost it completely. He had to make her go first. He locked his hand on her waist as his body leapt beneath her. His body bridged upward violently, Sakura wrapped her legs tightly around his buttocks, grabbed his shoulders and held on, riding him furiously. Naruto's body buckled. If he was going to go he wouldn't go alone. He used every ounce of willpower he had to latch on to her body and he thrust upwards relentlessly. Sakura dug her nails into his back as she emitted a silent scream and she abandoned herself to a series of continuous explosions. As her body rocked against his Naruto erupted into her and fell back onto the bed climaxing with a deep guttural moan.

He almost gave himself over to the light. But he thought to himself that the night was still young, He wasn't one to give up that easy. He shook the fog from his head when he felt Sakura nibbling at his ear.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto woke several hours later.

In fact when he woke up he woke all at once with his eyes popping open and him being keenly aware of his environment. He felt more refreshed and alive than he had in some time. It was the complete opposite of the hangover fueled morning the day before.

"I told you I'd put you to sleep" Sakura said.

Naruto turned his head and looked at her. Sakura sat up in bed with her knees pulled up to her chest. She appeared to be wide awake.

"More like you were trying to give me a heart attack."

She grinned. "I would have revived you."

"Did you sleep at all?' He asked.

"I woke up a few minutes before you did. Don't worry I slept like a baby as well. You did real goooood Naruto."

He laughed. "That's good to know."

She turned away and drew in a deep breath. "We should probably talk about...everything."

"We should," he replied.

Sakura began to speak. "Around Sarada's fourth birthday Sasuke came home and it was an usually extended stay. He brought her a ton of books and read to her every night for four consecutive months. This was their father-daughter time together and I rarely intruded. By the time he left again he had gone through all the books. She enjoyed them all but there was one that was their personal favorite. Sarada always requested it by name, and after reading it Sasuke always came out of her room with reddened eyes. I thought it was sweet."

Sakura paused. "When Sasuke left Sarada asked me to read her the book. The book was about sailor who left all the people he cared about because he was called by the sea. The sailor had a song that...Well there ws a verse then went um-"

She sang.

"I'm leavin' my famly, leavin' all my friends. My body's at home, but my heart's in the wind."

Sakura sniffed before continuing. "So please call my missus. Gotta tell her not to cry 'Cause my goodbye is written...By the moon in the sky."

Sakura paused once again. "I almost wept in front of Sarada, I would have hated myself if I had. I've never let her see me cry. I finished the book, tucked her in, went to my room and cried into my pillow. It might have started then because the next morning things felt different. Sarada she adores her father as she should. I know why he does it and I pray for his safety every night"

Swiping her her hand against her eyes Sakura continued. "One day, a few years ago, I woke up, I had breakfast, I took Sarada to to school and I was walking home I realized that it didn't hurt anymore. Well not like it used."

She turned to Naruto and tapped her heart before tapping her forehead. "You might have noticed that it takes a long time before the news can get from point A to Point B"

Naruto grasped Sakura's hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the back of her palm as he stared at the ceiling. It seemed to him now that he had always been a selfish man. He was lucky in the fact that many of the things he had most desired in the world had created positive outcomes when he satisfied those desires. He wanted to save Sasuke, he wanted to be Hokage, he wanted a sustained period of peace.

"Do you still..." Sakura said.

Naruto blinked. "If I was dying of thirst Hinata would cry so I could drink her tears. She made me feel loved in a way I had never felt before. It was powerful."

"What do you feel now?"

"Loved, and scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah but in a good way like a roller coaster."

Sakura sighed. "Are you comparing me to a roller coaster?"

"I told you before you're kind of scary Sakura-chan."

She closed her eyes as twin streaks of tears slipped from beneath the closed eyelids.

He continued. "I think love is supposed to be kind of scary."

Sakura smiled as she wiped at her eyelids.

"Don't smile like that. I might fall for you more."

"Is that even possible." She asked.

"I don't want to risk it do you?"

Sakura gave his hand a little squeeze before interlocking their fingers.

"Hinata is my wife and I've got nothing but good things to say about her. But my relationship with her, it's not you and me."

Naruto pulled Sakura down to him and wrapped his arms around her. Sakura placed her head against his chest.

"We can't be together you know. It'll hurt t0o many people" Sakura said.

Naruto said nothing as he placed his hand against the back of Sakura's head. His mind was desperately searching for solutions and remedies to these rising issues. Nothing he had thought so far was anywhere near satisfactory. Everything ended with pain and heartache.

"But you're the Hokage. If you send for me I'll have to come."

Naruto remained silent.

"You heartbeat sounds like a melody" he heard Sakura sigh before falling asleep again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto met Sai at the door.

"You are finally awake."

"Not feeling so hot so I decided to stay in bed."

"Will you be able to make it to the final summit meeting this evening?"

"Of course"

"Good, I've gotten a message from the Kazekage. He's been asking around and it seems that the Kage are set to approve your revised proposals."

"Oh."

Sai studied Naruto's face.

"I thought you would be happy. You are getting what you wanted right?"

"At a price, some feathers were ruffled."

Sai shrugged. "Well what will be, will be, as some people may say. Let us enjoy the moment because for now the world is in theory a more peaceful happier place."

Naruto nodded. "Yes you are right Sai."

Sai smiled. "May I come in?"

"No" Naruto said. "I am going back to bed."

Sai glanced over Naruto's head beyond the crack in the door into the room. "Well have you seen Sakura? I didn't see her go back to her room after she went into yours."

Naruto looked his friend in the eyes and with composure befitting of a Hoakge he asked, "Did you check the medical labs? She mentioned something about a night shift to me last night."

"I see."

"You must have missed her when she left." Naruto said. The realization that he had forgotten he had asked Sai to call Sakura up to his room caused his stomach to flip.

But in contrast to his troubled insides on the surface Naruto was cool and collected.

Sai frowned. "That's a bad thing for me to miss. Someone coming out of the Hokage's room. You should have me replaced for my uselessness Hokage-sama."

Naruto caught himself before he flinched. "No Sai...I didn't mean..."

Sai grinned. "I am teasing you Naruto. I am positive I didn't miss her because she spent the night in your room. But don't worry I am the only one who knows and the good thing about no longer being in ROOT, I get to personally choose what secrets are worth keeping to myself."

Naruto shook his head. "You don't have to hold these kind of secrets for me Sai."

Sai considered this. "There is a village far in the east where not telling secrets is an act of respect. These people feel that revealing painful secrets isn't a sign of intimacy, it's an act of aggression. You tell secrets not for the good of another but to make yourself feel better. To absolve yourself of your burdens. It's an interesting concept though bizarre to us."

"It is bizarre" Naruto agreed.

"Yes it is but its still interesting. Anyway if you want me to judge you I will. But since you two are my friends I will just hope for your happiness. "

With that said Sai excused himself. Naruto waited for a moment before closing the door. Already he was spinning a web of lies to cover himself.

As he walked back to his bedroom the thoughts of all the things he and Sakura had been putting at risk weighed him down with each step. The seeming loss of their family's love, the loss of respect of their friends and colleagues, all of it terrified him. How could anything good be built on the foundation of so much potential destruction? Naruto stepped into his bedroom feeling a spasm of anxiety. He felt out of place as if he walked into an alternate world. Any happiness he found in this room ran contrary to the world he had built outside these walls. This was something separate from his actual life, something that conflicted with what his life was supposed to be.

He looked towards his bed. Sunlight drifted in through the transparent curtains and washed over Sakura's sleeping form. Naruto watched her sleep for a moment. She had most of his sheets wrapped completely around her. He chuckled to himself, she really did hog the blankets. One of her hands reached across the empty side of the bed as if she were searching for him. Moving swiftly Naruto slid beneath the covers beside her. As if aware of his presence, Sakura cuddled against his side her fingers splayed over his torso, her cheek resting on his shoulder. She smiled a brilliant smile.

Naruto covered her hand with his and pressed her palm against his chest so could feel the steady beat of his heart. He inhaled her scent as a shaft of light from the window warmed his face. He closed his eyes, in time his breathing matched hers and a gentle peace settled over him.

His mind cleared and he felt convinced that this was real and it was meant to be. Even if in the end it would turn "meant to be" for this one moment only.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hope you liked it let me know if you did. If you have any questions about the changes I've made feel free to ask, I may have an answer. The original story before any revisions will be found in the next chapter.

The song lyrics from Sarada's book is from Shiver me Timbers by Tom Waits

P.S NaruSaku 4 life

[spnsimpleman]

The Unknowns: Three

This is a continuation for The Unknowns.  Which was a one shot and is now a long ass Prologue.  Part One.  Part Two.

Dean x Psychic!reader

Teaser/Summary: An AU sparked from a songfic challenge, The Unknowns is based on Season One Episode Nine, Dean met reader in Lawrence as a child and they created an unbreakable bond. At the end of The Unknowns, reader decided to stick with her boys because she felt something coming but she holds secrets; one she holds close to her heart and a few that she doesn’t even really know yet.

Word count: 5766

Lines borrowed from season one episode twelve, “Faith” in Bold.

Sam and I crept behind Roy LaGrange’s house and the chill had already settled around me. Sam grasped my hand, “it's okay. If you can't go in or need to get out, just say the word.”

I took a deep breath centering myself then nodded. “Let’s go.”

We kept against the walls until Sam saw Roy being escorted away. He opened a window and climbed inside.

“You know it's pretty impressive that you can still do that so easily, gentle giant.” I climbed in after him chuckling at his look of disgust. “What I’m helping…” I choked on the words as noise bombarded me from all sides. I pressed my hands to my temples and squeezed my eyes shut. The walls were saturated in strong emotions that choked the air, there was no way this was a comfortable room for anyone.

“Place is a little dark for a faith healer.”

“He listens to people in here… but the resentment and disgust. Let's get out of this room, I’m still too raw, I can only dampen it so much...”

Sam grabbed my hand and pulled me along, “keep your eyes closed, I've got you.” His calm washed over me like a cool breeze as he led me from the room and down a hall.

Sam’s belief in me had always been invigorating but it was the depth of his care that soothed even my worse fears. It was a type of love that kept me balanced since I was five.

After the last few days, I was still recouping from the strength of the emotions through the bond and the toll of Dean’s injury but Sam was confident and calm, exactly what I needed.

The further we got from that front room, the quieter it became and then I noticed the stench, the hint of blood in the air exactly like in the tent.

“Locked door.” He released my hand and I opened my eyes. He picked the lock and stepped inside.

“Wow.” I walked over and touched the desk. I could feel the movement between the desk and the bookcase, the rabid energy to seek something and the exhilaration once it was found. There were three, no, four very distinct energies there but the most dominant and recent held a distortion that vibrated off the wood, guilt twisted into a drive that was… corrupted.

“Hey, look at this.”

I pulled away from the desk dusting my hands and leaving the impressions behind. Sam showed me a small book with newspaper clippings. He handed me the top one, “look familiar?”

I held the piece of newsprint in my hands and the distortion vibrated along my arms. Envious blasphemer. “Jesus.”

“What is it?”

“She.” I handed it back to him and he placed it in the book and snapped it shut. “A woman clipped those. Sue Ann. It's gotta be.”

“We need to tell Dean.”

“Wait. Where's the control? Look in there for a spell. We need to know how she’s controlling it.”

Sam watched me and I nodded. He opened the book and rifled through pages. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on that stench of blood. I knelt down and touched the floor. A flash of the rawhead and Sam falling down stairs. “A basement. Was there a door?” I looked up at Sam, his brow together in concentration, he glanced toward the door before meeting my gaze.

“I didn't see one but I wasn't really looking. Pamela was right, there’s a binding spell in here for a reaper. And a crude sketch of what looks like an altar.”

“Like the table on the stage?” I stood up and he turned the book to show me.

“Definitely not, this is… way darker.”

“It’s got to be under the house. Nothing like that would go unnoticed up here.”

He nodded, closed the book, and slipped it into his pocket. “Come on.”

I followed him out blocking everything so that front room, or another like it, wouldn't bombard me again. We quickly swept the first floor. “Damnit, of course, it's outside.”

Sam hustled toward the window we came in and I grabbed his arm, “stop. What is that?”

“Help me please!”

Sam’s wide eyes met mine, “the protester.”

He jumped through the window and I followed suit, closing the window behind me. “What are we going to do?! We don't have anything to stop a reaper!”

We made it down the back steps when the commotion erupted. We ran along the line of cars as people poured out of the tent. “Dean must've stopped it.”

I spotted the man on his knees just as Sam’s phone rang. “There!”

We rushed over and Sam answered the phone barking into it, “it didn't stop!”

“Sue Ann! Tell him it's Sue Ann!”

We stood behind the man and the reaper’s presence licked at my skin but there was nothing we could do. The man’s fear soaked the area and I turned toward the tent hoping Dean could stop her in time. I shut my eyes fighting against the torment, anger, and frustration that joined the fear like a cacophony of sound in my head. My blocks weren't helping, they were barely filtering anything from the reaper.

I fell to my knees, covering my ears knowing it wouldn't do a thing but impossible to stop the reflex. “Sam!”

His hands were on my face and within seconds, the tumultuous wave began to recede. His warmth surrounded me, the soft blue, calm waters washed away the mess at my feet.

“That's it, short stack. The calmest, most perfect ocean waves, lapping at your feet. A beautiful day at the beach with your family. Bring her down, bring her back.”  Pama’s hypnotic voice on the breeze.

“You're doing great, Sam.” Daddy.

“Shhh. I’ve got you. Dean stopped it. Just breathe, I've got you.”

I squinted at first, half expecting the surf and sun behind little Sammy flanked by my daddy and Pama, but the dull, cloudy day was still there. I blinked away the memory.

The man was gone and only a fading imprint of his brush with death hung around. Sam helped me to my feet, “can you walk?”

I nodded although I wasn't exactly sure. I hadn't been hit that hard since I was a kid. I took a shaky step and Sam’s arm was around my back as a safeguard. We made it to the car and Sam pulled a bottle of orange juice from the front seat. “Here.”

I sipped the juice and then a gathering warmth in my chest expanded out. I glanced up and Dean was striding toward us.

“What happened?”

“It's nothing. I'm fine.” I gave him a smile but when he reached me, he crushed me against him. I closed my eyes and soaked him up.

“She got overloaded like… way back.” Sam whispered and I nestled further into Dean trying to offset the concern already whispering around me.

The lord will deal with him as he sees fit. Sue Ann’s snide remark rang in my head. “Dean.” I looked up at him and he shook his head.

“Not now.” Dean tossed the keys to Sam and guided me into the passenger seat then pushing me across the seat. I couldn't take my eyes off him. “These cops aren't going to leave anytime soon if she even lets them leave at all. Let's get something to eat and take down this bitch after.”

Sam started the car and my stomach dropped, “she’s coming after you. You’ve got to see that.”

Dean smirked, “she’s not the first. Probably won't be the last.”

I rolled my eyes and tried to bite back his amusement stirring my own. “Morbid.”

Sam barked out a laugh, “you're the one smiling.”

Dean slipped his arm around my shoulders and tugged me against him. “I'm staying with you when we go back tonight.”

“I knew that already.” He leaned down and kissed me, “you two gonna tell me what you found or maybe what you think hit you so hard?”

“Oh, I don't know. I've never been right in front of a pissed off reaper pulling out a soul?”

“Pissed off?”

“You have no idea.”

Sam shook his head as he maneuvered the car around the loitering crowd. “The lore did mention it was like putting a leash on a great white shark. I mean I'd be pissed if someone was using me against my will… but for a preacher’s wife to cross a line like that. She's using black magic to murder people.”

Dean rubbed my arm, “she was desperate. She stumbled upon a way to save her husband and she used it.”

Dean’s theory melded with my own thought from earlier and I squeezed his thigh. “But that knowledge became twisted. I don't know why or how, I mean I have a few guesses but what I know is she got angry, really angry. I could feel it in that study. How twisted she became, how rabid she was to find those who deserved to be punished. It really makes me wonder how Roy began healing, did she tell him he could or did he realize it himself?”

“He told me he discovered it later, that God had blessed him.”

“Is it possible that God did step in and decide to do some good with it?” It tumbled from my mouth and I knew Dean would scoff at it.

“If he was going to step in why not just stop the person who was killing people while parading around that it was His will?”

I glanced at Sam and caught his eye. He gave me that sympathetic smile. Dean never shared our ‘whimsical’ theories that parts of the Bible were based on real lore but this was different. This had nothing to do with God but the person acting like one and the guilt Dean would carry because of them but at least he was alive to carry anything. It was selfish but I didn't care. I couldn't decide if that was better or worse.

“I'm starving. Let’s get some food and we can tell you what we found and make a plan.” Sam glanced at the cop car stationed at the end of the dirt road that led to the tent of healing. “She won’t let the cops leave.”

~~

Dean parked the impala near the tent and I looked around. “Looks like it’s more than just Layla and her mother. That's good for us. They won't be in the house.”

A flicker of guilt that Dean tried to hide. “I don't know. Looks like a lot of these people have been camping out for a while.”

I touched Dean’s hand, “we can't save everyone, especially the natural stuff.”  Sam and I had gone against that but we didn't know the cost.

He met my gaze with a sad smile. “Come on, let’s check the tent. Make sure they’re in there.” Dean got out and Sam and I glanced at each other then followed him.

The cold that tickled along my spine was more than just the night chill and put me even more on edge. We peeked inside the opening and I whispered with a glance at Dean, “join the prayer group, CarolAnn.” Dean’s silent chuckle warmed me until I spotted what was missing. “Where are the cops?”

Dean threw a glance my way, “where’s Sue Ann?”

Sam turned toward the house, “wanna bet we’ll find both at the house? She’s probably protecting the altar, maybe told the cops we were in the house earlier.”

“Well, to be fair, we were.” I watched the flickering shadows around the house that only emphasized the dark. Sam turned his bitch face my way and I grinned.

Dean chuckled as he strode toward the house. “Come on, you two. We’re professionals.”

I winked at Sam and we both caught up with Dean. My stomach twisted. Not just the power it creates but the toll it takes. I shook my head and took a deep breath then Sam bumped into me almost knocking me off my feet.

“Find the altar, I’ll catch up.” Dean jogged to the front of the house and when I tried to follow Sam grabbed my arm then pulled me into the bushes as Dean called out the cops.

I tried to pull from Sam’s grip. “Sam, I can’t, I have to stay with him.”

He gazed down into my eyes, “but what are you going to do? We break the altar, we stop her.”

I tried to look around him as the need to find Dean vibrated through my very bones. “I don’t know but I...” I met his gaze and begged him to understand, “I have to stay with him.”

His internal struggle continued for a second then faded, “okay. Go.”

I jumped out of the bush and followed the pull into the pseudo parking lot created by the vehicles between the house and the tent. The cops’ sweeping lights were on the far side of the lot and I thought about moving them to me but I didn't know where Dean was.

I hid behind the truck in front of me, closed my eyes, and focused on Dean. The warmth swelled in my chest and I followed it. It pulled me forward and I focused on the sensation that was almost like a string leading me to him. I opened my eyes and moved around the truck following the invisible path.

I came to a camper with Cujo barking from the front seat then Dean climbed down the side. I rushed over and pinned him against the vehicle. He smiled and that lightning zipped through my veins. “I told you you’re not leaving me behind tonight.”

“Just testing a theory.” Damn that sexy as hell smirk.

His arms wrapped around me and his mouth sought forgiveness and soothed the frantic need bouncing around. The energies passing back and forth swirling around in my chest; his need, his calm, his joy crashed and blended with my worry and other muddled emotions. It was different than my connection with Pamela but maybe it really was this bond. Then Pamela’s grin flashed in my mind after she asked about echoes.

Dean broke the kiss and dropped his arms but his hand found mine. “Come on, we should keep moving.”

“Of course.” The movement in my head was nothing like he was talking about.

He grinned, “hey, stow that. I’m not that strong.”

I chuckled and pictured him pressing me against the camper, the heat shot through me at the thought stirring an ache.

He closed his eyes, his jaw clenching, “fuck me.” My mouth dropped open then in seconds he had me pinned against the camper with his body and his lips hovered just in front of mine. I reached for him and he pulled back, “how did you ever think this was normal?”

It was a joke he teased me with after our first time; an innocent question I had asked that somehow became an inside joke I’d never live down.

I looked into his intense, laughing eyes, “I didn’t know any better.” He leaned in, coming close but still not giving me what I wanted.

“We really need to move. I will only do it if you swear no more cheating.” That smirk only caused the ache to grow.

“I swear.”

He pressed his lips to mine with all the desire that swirled between us. He pulled away, grabbed my hand again, and tugged me away from the camper. “We’re getting a separate room tonight.”    

“Whatever you say.”  We weaved through the cars and then I yanked him to the side toward the edge of the field.

The chill skittered down my spine right before the light in front of us fell dark. Dean squeezed my hand and we slowed down then stopped when the line of lights in front of us shut down in quick succession. We glanced at each other before Dean looked behind us but I could feel it just beyond the light pole in front of us. “Dean.” I don’t even know if I said it out loud but Dean turned and the tension hit me like a truck.

He tried to pull his hand from mine but I tightened my grip. He stared forward at the approaching reaper and forced out through clenched teeth, “go. Run.”

“I’m not going anywhere. It won’t matter.” I turned in front of him pressing my chest against his and grabbed the back of his neck pulling his head toward me. “Just look at me. Sammy will stop it.” But the fear still bounced back and forth. The tears in his eyes only echoed his apologies flowing in my head. That was new. I never heard his words like that before.

My back stung then the pale hand was against Dean’s head reminding me of Roy. The pain was immediate, a powerful draining sensation that didn’t just take the breath away but smashed the lungs altogether.

Dean choked, fighting back as much as he could but there was no protection for this kind of onslaught. Without thinking, I grabbed his face and screamed, Dean! I sucked in a painful breath with the surge of energy that shot through me then pulled his face to mine ignoring the freezing cold that clung to his right side and burned my hand. His eyes flitted across my face and they began to drain of color as a sharp pain jabbed my chest.

“Dean!” The anguished cry pierced the night air and echoed in my head. I could feel my body shutting down like before but so much faster, the pain screaming from too many parts of my body. Then Pamela’s voice was rushing over itself, his soul connected to yours not just sharing the burden. The power it creates. but your body was aching because his soul was losing power. The power it creates.

I slammed my lips against his and chanted in my head, Animo, animum, corpus, animam meam. Cresceret vinculum duorum ad unum.

There was another buildup of energy in my chest until it burst outward and the cold vacuum vanished. I broke away searching Dean’s face terrified to find him gone. His green eyes were clear staring back into mine, his brows furrowed, but then he glanced over my head as we continued to suck in air.

I looked over my shoulder and realized we were both on our knees. The reaper was still there but backing away. He was angry but also looked relieved. It jerked its head to the side, smiled, and then disappeared.

I turned back to Dean feeling the energy once again passing back and forth and swirling in my chest. “Dean?”

“Yeah, creepy as hell but I saw it too.” He brushed hair out of my face, “you…”

I shook my head, “us. Did you feel that…” I glanced down to his chest, pressing my hand over his sternum trying to find the words for it.

“Like a bomb went off in my chest when you kissed me?”

My gaze shot up to his and I nodded, “that's a good way to phrase it.”

“The bond thing?”

“She said it was powerful. I mean if souls are supposed to be this insanely powerful energy, I can see how linking two together would be... ” Something John had said sparked to new life in my mind, you two are like a spotlight.

“Trippy.” Dean rose to his feet pulling me with him, “what were you saying?”

“What?”

“I could hear you saying something in latin.”

“I don’t know…” I thought about the words that had suddenly popped in my head but I couldn't grasp them now. “I think I commanded the bond to connect? Like strengthened it somehow…” I frowned looking down at my hands as fear crept along the edges of my mind that I couldn’t grasp.

Dean wrapped his arm around me and started walking, “come on, let’s get back to the car.”

I tried to read his mind but everything seemed to be back to normal, our normal. I could feel how tired he was, an exhaustion that was pulling at me too but I couldn’t read his thoughts or hear him in my head. I glanced at him as we picked our way back to the impala, “I heard you too. You were saying sorry. Sorry that you couldn’t stay and for breaking your promise.”

He squeezed my hand, “it’s been a trippy night. Maybe talk about it after some sleep?”

I pressed into his side and nodded, “yeah. I could sleep for days.”

His chuckle bubbled through my chest. We were alive, we were okay, and a little mystery was just part of our normal too. “So I guess we don't need a separate room.”

He slammed to a stop as his head snapped in my direction. “That's happening.”

~~

Waking up in Dean’s arms was something I could never get bored with. I thought about the normal fights people have after living together for so long but as long as I woke up to this, I would always know everything was going to work out. It was a faulty argument since I knew I wouldn’t always get to wake up exactly like this with his arm slung over my side.

That was just real life though, we won’t be together every night, things happen and we’ll end up being a part, hopefully not as long as any of our separations before. That incoherent fear bounced along the periphery again like a shadow I only see from the corner of my eye. When I tried to reach for it, it vanished. That was getting fucking annoying.

“Morning sunshine.” Dean’s lips pressed against my shoulder.

I rolled to face him and covered my mouth with the sheet, “wanna shower? Maybe brush our teeth?”

He pushed me to my back and rolled on top of me attacking my sides, “are you trying to say I stink?”

I squirmed underneath him laughing like a maniac. “Stop! Yes! You do!” Suddenly, his weight was gone and I sat up. He was sauntering into the bathroom completely naked and I watched him as he leaned into the shower and turned on the water.

He looked back at me as he waited for the water to heat up, “well? You coming or what?”

I smiled and jumped out of the bed, “soon, love. Definitely soon.”

That brilliant smile as he raked his gaze over me, “I love it when you read my mind.”

“You just like me because I laugh at your jokes.”

He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me to his chest dancing us into the bathroom, “maybe I need to show you that it's both and so much more.”

I hummed as he back stepped into the shower pulling me with him. “Mmmm, please do.”

~~

After we dressed, Dean packed our bags as I finished drying my hair in the bathroom.

“I’m going to take these to the car. Meet you in Sam’s room?”

My phone danced on the porcelain sink and I grabbed it before it fell off the edge. I turned off the hairdryer and read Sam’s text. Yeah. Any minute now. Is he coming?

“Did you hear me?” Dean asked.

“Stop by Sam’s room first. He’s probably ready to go,” I replied as I tapped out a response to Sam. Yup.

“Gotcha.”

I looked into the mirror and smiled. He definitely didn’t need to have that guilt eating away at him. Hopefully, this would work at least a little. Layla was a genuine optimist and maybe her peace would spread to him.

I double checked that Dean got everything before I left the room. Sam stepped into the hallway and shut his door, “you ready?”

I stared at the door behind him, “already? How did he look?”

Sam walked toward me pulling the keys from his pocket, “shocked. You really think this will work?”

“It’s the only thing that can. You know how he is. Maybe talking to her will help put it behind him.” I pulled my phone from my pocket, “I called her earlier when I first got up and she said she’d be ready. She better be. I am not walking in on her again.”

Sam chuckled, “are you ever going to let that go?”

“Hey, just because you enjoyed the view.” I laughed at the blush that crept up his cheeks. “I don’t mind picking her up but I will never enter her room again. We will wait in the parking lot. You told Dean we’d pick him up after we got her, right?”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m hurt that you think I can’t handle things.”

I poked him with my elbow, “I missed messing with you.”

“You’ve been back with us for weeks.”

“Yeah, but I missed years. Oh, and that time you walked out on us.”

“For a day and I recall making it back just in time to save your ass.”

“Excuse me, it was your brother’s ass. I didn't get jumped by the children of the corn part fifty-seven.”

He threw his back laughing then squeezed me as we approached the impala. “Yeah, but things will be better from here on out. No more following the road that others make for us, right?”

I nodded and detached from him to make my way around to the passenger door with a stab of guilt all my own. “Exactly.”

~~

Dean sat next to Layla knowing Y/n set this up with Sam. Her words last night about his guilt and how they couldn’t save everyone playing in his head as Layla told him what happened inside the tent and then brought up Sue Ann. But he wasn’t thinking about the job. He couldn’t stop thinking about the woman that saved his life more times than he could count.

“Roy’s a good man, he doesn’t deserve what’s happened.” Y/n’s whispers from last night interrupted his thoughts, no matter what happens, you will always be mine and I know you will never let me down. It’s the one truth I’ve held onto since I was five years old. 

He glanced at Layla remembering that not everyone had what he did. “Must be rough, to believe in something so much and have it disappoint you like that.”

Dean looked down at his hands recalling the feel of y/n’s lips on his when that blast went off inside him shoving the reaper off. Would there ever be a day that she didn't save him? There were times when he didn't feel like he deserved her but she never ceased to erase those doubts.

He didn't have faith in much but she was the one that never let him down. He was damn lucky to have her and he’d never let her go a day without knowing that.

“You wanna hear something weird?”

For a second, he almost expected her to say something about the storm going on in his head. “Hm?”

“I’m okay. Really. I guess if you’re going to have faith, you can’t just have it when the miracles happen. You have to have it when they don’t.”  

It was like a sucker punch to his gut. Layla had no idea how her words hit him, striking upon the guilt and fear deep within him. She wasn’t just pointing out what Y/n had said about not saving everyone but that maybe there was some plan that he wasn’t aware of, a plan that Y/n thought involved the four of them. Four. The number didn’t make sense yet fit perfectly.

He cleared his throat, “so, what now?”

“God works in mysterious ways.”

Dean gazed into her eyes as she reached up and touched his head a lot like the way Roy did. The cynical side of him said it was just what she had taken in during the last few months watching Roy but another part of him wondered if it was more than that. Is it possible that God did step in and decide to do some good with it?  

Even when Y/n was little, she had this idea that God stepped in but only for random acts here and there. He just thought that people saw what they wanted to believe but there were plenty of things he didn’t understand so how could he possibly disregard it?

Layla smiled and stood from the bed. “Tell her it was nice meeting the two of you. It’s refreshing seeing something like that. Just doesn’t seem so common anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“The way you two look at each other and move together? It's like you're one person. It's nice to know that kind of love is still a possibility.” She nodded, “goodbye, Dean.”

She headed for the door and he stood up, “Hey.” She turned around and he could almost feel her heartbreak but knew it was just in his head. He cleared his throat, “I’m not much of the praying type but I’m gonna pray for you.”

She told him that was a miracle but his mind was already racing. She left the room and he stared at the door. Y/n knew that talking to her would help him with his guilt but for some reason, he felt like he was given a warning, some moment on the horizon when the miracle wouldn’t come but he couldn’t grasp it. The more he tried, the further it seemed to slip.

He sat down on the bed going through the whole conversation. A plan that involved the four of us. Where the hell did that come from? His phone went off in his pocket and he pulled it out. It was a text from Y/n, on the way back. Are you still talking? We can give you time.

He grinned and replied, no. Ready to go.  He thought about adding we need to talk but decided against it. He could wait until they had a moment alone to find out when and how she got this idea. It didn’t matter how he got it, they’d had plenty of extraordinary sharing recently. He seriously wanted to know who the hell the fourth was and if she even knew.

~~

I stood just to the side of the security line with Pamela not wanting to say goodbye. Dean and Sam had hugged her goodbye and stood together a few yards away giving us our own time.

“Well, I got a lot of work to do.”

I looked away from Sam and met Pamela’s gaze, “when you see her, tell her I’m trying everything I can.”

“For the last time, Jess understands. She is learning what she needs to because she knows the demon is coming for her as long as Sam’s involved.” She raised her brow approvingly, “she’s actually a pretty good shot.” Pamela dropped her bag and grasped my upper arms. “She’s never going to blame you for saving her life. You need to put that behind you. You were always so good with that before.”

“But this is different,” I glanced around, “I feel like I’m lying to him every time he misses her and I don’t tell him.”

Pamela hugged me tightly, “you and I both know if he knows she’s alive the demon will hunt her down. As long as he thinks she’s gone so will the demon. It felt a death that night. That’s all his arrogant ass needed but you have to know he’d be checking in on Sam and if that loss is gone...”

“Do you really think it can read… sorry, I know. But he's going to hate me.”

“Doing the right thing isn’t always easy especially in this line of work, but he loves you, you're family. Even if he hates you for a while, which I don't think is possible for that boy, but he’ll still love you and he’ll come around. If not, Jess might just kick his ass.”

I squeezed her and tucked my head into shoulder, “thank you so much for coming. For everything.”

“Anytime, honey. I need top ups too.” My father’s sentiment echoed in my head, family has a way of recharging your batteries better than any amount of sleep can. “Besides I may not be able to rock his world but that boy of yours is one good looking piece of…”

“Don’t.”

She grinned as she pulled away, “I don’t have to tell you, I can see how much he satisfies you. Mmm, you hit the jackpot, honeybee.” I chuckled and she brushed the back of her fingers over my cheek, a favored touch of endearment she shared with my dad. “If there was anyone worth sealing for, it’d be that fine man.” She kissed my cheek, “you three stay safe, you hear me?”

“Yes, Aunt Pama.”

She frowned, “must you?” I laughed as she stared at Dean’s ass. “I bet he’ll just keep getting better with age too. You youngin’s always get lucky.”

“Go on! Before they hear you.”

She turned to them and waved, “you boys stay tasty!”

Dean grinned and wiggled his brows winking at a few people staring their way while Sam grinned then looked down at the ground.

She gave me one last hug, “give your mom a call, okay? I know she doesn't agree with your lifestyle, but can you really blame her?” She pulled back with a smile, “see you soon.” She walked into the security line and I strolled back to Dean and Sam trying to remember the last time I called my mother.

“Tasty, huh?” Dean slipped his arm over my shoulder.

“Hush.”

“Yeah, please. Bad enough I know what happens when I’m not around.” Sam glanced back as we headed for the door.

“Come on, Sammy. We’re all adults here.”

“Funny because Y/n and I seem to be the only ones acting like it.”

I grinned up at dean and heard his voice in my head, we need to talk. He obviously saw my shock and smirked, interesting. How have we never tried this before?

I blinked, I'm sorry, I think I'm losing my mind.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

I’ll have to text Pamela when she landed and add telepathic communication to the list of things from this bond. The boys and I walked out of the airport and I had the strangest feeling that something had changed again.

Four

@duchessofwinchester , @jodyri , @jencharlan , @deanssweetheart23 @torn-and-frayed , @chrisatplay , @mogaruke , @captainemwinchester , @ashrod98 , @mrswhozeewhatsis , @purgatoan  , @caitsymichelle13  , @escabell

[ciathyzareposts]

Black Crypt: Playing it Straight

Putting on the Mask of True Sight allows me to see this disgusting foe.

            It occurred to me recently that the two great loves of my life–jazz and CRPGs–have something in common. They both draw from a variety of templates, and the real joy in a performance is seeing how a particular band or artist has chosen to improvise on the template. (I should clarify that this is true of the type of jazz I like, anyway. It’s less true of free jazz and other avant-garde styles whose appeal has always mystified me.) A new composition is always nice, of course, but it requires a depth of engagement and attention that you’re not always ready to give. In contrast, you almost never mind hearing a familiar composition played in a new way.

  That makes it all the more disappointing when you sit down for a performance and don’t find anything new at all–a copy rather than an improvisation. No jazz fan wants to hear a number played entirely “straight,” and no CRPG addict wants to start, say, a Dungeon Master clone just to find a literal clone. And that’s largely what we have here. In its best moments, Black Crypt recalls good times playing Dungeon Master, but it offers too few variances to those moments.

              The game has occasional moments like this to remind you of the plot, but they’re few and far between.

              I’m less than halfway through the game, and it thus might improve, but so far all Black Crypt has done is to make Dungeon Master a lot bigger; as I noted last time, it has 28 levels. I rather hoped that with so many levels, and with so much space devoted to each level (the coordinates go up to 40 x 40), Black Crypt might achieve a nonlinearity that previous games in this lineage have lacked. I thought we might see multiple ways up and down–a true three-dimensional maze rather than a steady progression of levels. Well, the game absolutely does have multiple staircases per level, but you still reach them in a somewhat fixed order. At any given moment, you rarely have more than two choices for your next move, and one of those will almost certainly resolve into a dead end.

I had also hoped that Black Crypt might do more with its story. As I noted last time, many of the mechanics owe more to Eye of the Beholder than to Dungeon Master, and I thus hoped the game might introduce some NPCs or in-game story development the way that Beholder did. Alas, there’s been none of that so far. And I’m disappointed that the game didn’t fix many of my other complaints about previous Dungeon Master-like titles, including a lack of enemy names and a lack of information on equipment.

             The Bracers of Agility will, at least, reflect their influence in the character attributes.

             What’s left is not an unpleasant experience, just a highly-derivative one. Fortunately, it’s been a while since the last Dungeon Master clone, so at least I didn’t start this game exhausted with the entire sub-genre, the way I currently am with Ultima clones.

In this last session, I explored Levels 3-9 of the dungeon. I should perhaps say “partially explored,” because there’s a lot of unused space on each level, and it’s entirely possible that some teleporter or staircase will later bring me to those unused parts. I doubt it however, mostly because the game occasionally makes a big show of loading when you transition between levels. It did this between Levels 2 and 3, between Levels 5 and 6, and between Levels 9 and 10. (In contrast, the game barely blips when you take a staircase between, say, Levels 7 and 8.) I think we can therefore regard each level “group” as a separate section of the dungeon. Indeed, as I explored Levels 3-5 and 6-9, there was a lot of interconnectedness between levels in a group–but only a single staircase between the major “group” transitions.

             Level 3 had a “skull” theme going on.

              Within each group, the specific level order was nonlinear (in the sense that progression didn’t go in the specific order of levels; it was still a very narrow path). For instance, I couldn’t explore most of Level 3 until I had a Mask of True Sight, which let me see the invisible enemies on that level. The mask was found on Level 4, but I had to make some diversions to Level 5 along the way. Among the next group, I spent only a small amount of time on Level 6 before a teleporter took me to Level 9. After a long time mapping that level, I finally went back up to Level 7, which had a lot of stairways up and down to Level 8. This interconnectedness within level groups extends to the game’s puzzles. Pressing a button on Level 8 might open a wall on Level 7.

  Regrettably, there has been nothing thematic to all of these levels. Again, I think to the Eye of the Beholder series, where you had the dwarf and Drow levels in the first game, and the clear distinction between the living quarters and basement in the second. Here, we don’t even have much variation in texture–just the occasional use of a different color, as if the level was shot through a red filter or something. As a consequence, even a day after playing the majority of this session, I have to refer to my maps for reminders about the specific order in which I did things.

           You really have to carefully study the walls for buttons.

          If there’s one thing that the game does a little better than Dungeon Master, it’s perhaps greater variety in its puzzles (some true Dungeon Master fans may dispute that this is an improvement). There have been a lot of switches, buttons, and pressure plates, but none of them very complex–you just activate them, and something happens. The more memorable puzzles have involved a bit more creativity. Some examples include:

            A long north-south hallway of 12 squares with alternating east-west alcoves. Each alcove contained a skull. Nearby messages remarked, “A year of death counted in souls. One for each moon, four is your goal,” and “February, April, July, October.” It was clear that I had to regard each square in the hallway as representing a month, and to remove the skulls for the alcoves that represented February, April, July, and October. Choosing a wrong skull meant activating a trap. The order of months turned out not to go in a linear manner along the hall, but rather up one side and then down the other.

Several magic mouths that required me to answer a question based on other messages found in the dungeon. For instance, Levels 6-9 had repeated messages about an archdruid named Oakraven (one of the four heroes from the backstory), who is buried below in a coffin of Whiteoak. Both words were answers to magic mouth riddles.

                Getting some lore . . .

. . . and using it to answer a puzzle.

             On Level 4, I had to collect water from four symmetrically-placed fountains and then put those waterskins into special alcoves on Level 5. The hardest part of this mission was differentiating the “special” waterskins from the other waterskins in my possession.

Two areas where a message said “HTCIWS” and presented me with two alcoves with different objects within them. I had to reverse the positions of the objects in the alcoves. This was harder than you might think, because the word “switch” made me think of wall switches and not “swapping” the items

              Solving puzzles can have a variety of effects. Locked doors might open, hidden doors might reveal themselves, wall spaces might open up, pillars might disappear, and new switches and buttons might appear on previously-blank walls. I’ve found that in this game, it really makes sense to map everything before touching everything, then search for the type of secret door that you can bump into, and finally try the switches and buttons, carefully noting the changes to the environment.

              A lot of the game’s puzzles involve removing pillars like this.

          Let’s talk about combat. Level 3’s invisible enemies, when I wore the Mask of True Sight, turned out to be these giant grubs with teeth and claws. They’re capable of inflicting poison, but fortunately there are a lot of anti-poison scrolls and potions on the level. Level 6 introduced these single-eyed things that appear to shuffle along the ceiling. Levels 8 and 9 had floating, metallic, horned heads as well as shape-changing slimes. 

              This guy reminds me of something that I can’t place.

The spellcasting version of this monster was very tough.

            Of some annoyance is the fact that enemies in this game vary even among the same type. Some of the grubs moved faster, hit harder, had more hit points than the others. Some of the one-eyed ceiling creatures and floating heads are capable of offensive spells and some are not. These variances make it hard to find a consistent strategy.

  On strategy that doesn’t work very well is the old combat waltz. It can technically be done, and I’ve used it a few times to weaken a couple of enemies prior to the main onslaught, but rarely can I keep it up for the duration of an entire combat. Enemies are simply faster here than in most Dungeon Master derivations. They move faster and, more important, they turn faster. You don’t have the same kind of pause between an enemy arriving in a square, turning to face you, and attacking. You really have to be prepared to fight head-on with weapons and spells. Occasionally, it’s possible to enact some of the other “guerrilla” maneuvers possible with this combat engine, including “stair-scumming.” Enemies that walk on the ceiling cannot pass through door frames, which offers some hit-and-run opportunities.

  All told, though, combat is a less frequent experience with Black Crypt than with most games of this ilk. Sometimes half an hour passes without a single enemy. Character leveling is also a bit under-emphasized. My characters are all Level 7 currently, but that doesn’t mean much more than more hit points. Spells are learned by finding books, not leveling (although level does affect spell power). There are a few pressure plates that cause enemies to spawn, in case I ever feel like I need to grind.

Miscellaneous notes:

           A lot of the mechanical puzzles are about lowering pillars that otherwise block hallways. This is slightly original, although when you think about it, there’s little difference between a pillar and a door.

Wow has the clicking-on-the-portrait-instead-of-the-weapon thing been a problem. I screw it up almost every time I’m fighting a new combat for the first time in, say, five minutes or more.

Another interface annoyance: the function keys are in a non-obvious order. F1 and F2 activate the upper-left and upper-right characters, which makes sense. But F3 activates the lower-right and F4 activates the lower-left. There’s a logic by which this makes sense, I guess, but it’s still a bit unintuitive.

When a character dies, in addition to all his equipment, he drops a “death gem.” You need the gem to later perform a resurrection on him. The dungeon is strewn with the death gems of previous adventurers. The manual makes a point of saying that you can’t resurrect the owners of these gems, but I wonder if there’s any reason to collect them anyway. I have been, just in case.

            A death gem next to a note from the adventurer who left it.

          The thieves from Level 3 (discussed last time) did end up dropping the stolen items when I finally tracked them down and killed them.

The party frequently comes across glyphs (which activate traps when stepped on) and corridors blocked by force fields. These are removed with the “Remove Glyph” and “Dispel Magic” spells, accordingly, but sometimes the character level isn’t high enough to cast strong enough spells. In those cases, you have to find scrolls with the same spells, with the scrolls encoded at a higher level.

             My regular “Remove Glyph” didn’t work here, but this scroll, encoded at the 15th level, will have no problem.

             The game is effective in its use of sound. Every enemy has an attack sound and a separate movement sound. The movement sounds help you determine how close an enemy is, and it can be freaky when you hear it unprepared.

There was a large area of dark squares on Level 9. Dark squares are brightened with the “Light” spell, but the spell has a very short duration.

The cleric’s “Create Food” spell and the frequent appearance of fountains makes food, water, and rest less of a problem than they could otherwise be. It still annoys me that characters start taking damage from hunger and thirst when the meter has plenty of room to go. My general practice is that every time I find a fountain, I first rest to restore my fatigue meter, then cast “Create Food” and give everyone a meal, then drink water until I can’t drink anymore. These occasional interludes generally keep the party happy.

Level sizes have been extremely variable. Levels 3, 4, and 9 all used between 300 and 600 squares, but Level 8 only used 56 squares, and Level 5 only used 29. 

             Level 8 was kind of like the unfinished basement of Level 7. Maybe more of these squares will get used later.

          Black Crypt gives slightly more equipment feedback than its cousins, although not much more. I’m carrying a long sword +1, a “Hopeblade,” an “Ogre Blade,” and a blade called “Frost Razer,” and I can’t tell you which is the best among them, or by how much. However, there are little squares beneath each character portrait that provide some feedback on any magical effects an equipped item is having, such a fire resistance, cold resistance, magic shield, and water breathing. But these don’t seem to tell the full story. For instance, my fighter has a helm called “Mage Bane” which has to have some anti-magic effects or some effects against mages, right? Not in any way that you can tell from looking at it or wearing it.

            Arriving on Level 10. This game is really fond of one-eyed things.

           As I close, I’ve just arrived on Level 10 and have encountered a bunch of little one-eyed spiders. There’s still a lot of room for the game to introduce some plot and non-linearity, and I really hope it takes advantage of these options before the end. 

Time so far: 9 hours

  *****

  I haven’t made zero progress with The Seventh Link, but there hasn’t been enough to blog about. It’s an extremely frustrating game. Simple math explains much of the reason: to explore the opening castle fully, I need about 1,200 gold pieces in keys. I might earn an average of 15 gold pieces per random combat. It takes me roughly 7 minutes to find and fight each combat, which I only have a 50% chance of winning, so we’re looking at (1200/15) * (7/0.5) / 60 = 18.67 hours before I can even explore the castle, not including the money I need to replenish all the food I waste in the meantime, nor all the time it takes me to trek to the fountain under the castle to replenish spell points. I found a dungeon, but it turns out that exploring it at my level is not an option. I don’t even know how to level up. The documentation suggests I ought to be able to do it at the mage’s guild, but there doesn’t seem to be any option there.

  Hopefully, I’ll get over a hump eventually and the entire game won’t be like this, but overall Link needed to be more generous with its resources. Any game needs at least one generous resource to make progress manageable. If there was no need for food, for instance, or if chests respawned in dungeons (the way they do in the Ultima series), or enemies carried more gold, any of these options would loosen the formula a bit and allow some progress.

               My mage and his new thief companion approach a dungeon door.

            I did manage to find a second NPC to join the party, so perhaps things will move along a bit faster now. Otherwise, I’ll probably have to add a third game to the rotation.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/black-crypt-playing-it-straight/

[spookybooscarystorytime]

The Carpathian Carver by LJ

New Post has been published on http://www.scarystorytime.com/2017/08/13/the-carpathian-carver-by-lj/

The Carpathian Carver by LJ

    The Carpathian mountains cast a long shadow as the Sun set.

I was in this God-forsaken place for my brother. He had left three months ago, leaving a voicemail before vanishing. He said he was on to something, that it might take some time, but that when he returned, we would have no more worries. I’ve been worried every day since. You never really know how much you miss someone until they’re gone.

I had grown familiar with his journal the past week as I made my way here, traveling from my home in America to Uzhhorod in Ukraine. I boarded a train from there, destined for a small village off the maps. I opened the journal to the entry I had bookmarked:

‘June 13th –

Looks like I wasn’t lost: turns out there’s a town out of the way, East of Uzhhorod. Geez, I had to read over the train routes like thirteen times before I even saw it. It took me all day to get here, unfortunately. It’s super small, pretty old, but the worst thing is that it smells. Real bad. Like they’ve been cooking asparagus casserole in an oven and forgot to check it for two years.

I’m staying at a run-down inn, but at least they’ve got Internet. The people here are real weird, though. They’re- I don’t know, stiff? Not unfriendly on purpose, but just- it’s like I’m in a town full of autistic children. The innkeep barely said a word to me, just brushed his beard up on me and took my money and grunted and gave me a key. His eyes were super sunken in, and cataracted, so bad I don’t know how he could see, and his skin looked real weird, floppy, but I left too quick to get a good look, ’cause I didn’t want to spend any more time next to him, ’cause he smelled like asparagus, too.

Tomorrow I begin my trek into the woods. I’ve already packed my bag, checked and double-checked for food, water, survival gear, cigarretes(essential), a knife and holy water. I have no plan to engage the demon in the least, but best to be prepared. Anyhow, that’s it for today, so goodnight Journy (ha, get it? ’cause it’s like a pet nickname for ‘journal’ and I’m on a journey? that’s funny. I’m funny. god, I’m lonely. but this will all be worth it when I come home.)’

Ah, yes, the demon, referenced to as ‘The Carpathian Carver’ on the Internet. I collected an assortment of tales of folklore and anecdotal evidence on the creature. The earliest accounts attributed to the Carver date back to the mid sixteenth century, during a period called ‘The Ruin’, a period of war for control of Ukraine. One origin story describes a chance encounter between a tribe of druids and a brigade of Russian soldiers. Fearful of their blue-painted bodies and wild faces, and mistaking their sacred runes for black magic, the druids were slaughtered. The last one they killed died clutching an ugly book to his bleeding chest, a tome of esoteric incantations impossible to find anywhere else.

There are a multitude of other theories on the Internet: deviant mutants, supernatural two-bit lores, and then government-sanctioned genetic mutation gone wrong. And aliens. Someone always thinks it’s aliens. Regardless the cause, something IS happening in this forest.

I turned the page of the journal.

‘June 14th –

Today was a waste. I searched for hours, losing the trail and finding it and losing it again. I gave up a couple hours before sunset, insanely disappointed. I was wondering if this Mimic guy was just some Ukrainian asshole jokester.

There was an- interesting- development, however: the townsfolk fished a body out the river just before I got back, a woman. It was messed up real bad, I only caught a glimpse, but the throat was slashed so bad, it was just a gaping hole, nothing in it. Looked like a bear or something had taken the chick down, she had some claw marks along her face and her shirt was torn up. My Ukrainian hasn’t improved much, but I think I heard the villagers whisper ‘voice’ or something like that to each other, but what does that even mean? I don’t know. And they all have weird numbers.

The innkeep saw me looking, and I guess I looked real interested, ’cause he came up to me and started saying ‘don’t go’ (I think) and pointing upstream. He seemed pretty calm for having seen a dead person. He kept scratching himself. I think he had once had frostbite or something, ‘ cause a splotch of his neck looked real bad, I mean, like dead.

I’m somewhat hesitant to continue on, this Carver dude drinks blood like water. But if he exists, that means the Transmutation exists. I can’t stop now. I’ve got some weapons, I’ve seen a few Jackie Chan movies with all the cool kung fu moves, I’m good. One more day. Tomorrow I’ll go upstream, and the day after I’ll be on a plane home, turning all sorts of stuff into gold. A gold bed. A gold toilet. Yeah, a gold toilet will really help me pick up some chicks.’

Mimic. This was all his fault.

Mimic is a user on an Internet forum for paranormal discussion. He is, by far, the leading expert on the Carver, and he says he’s a historian. He’s got loads of evidence on the Carver. He describes the Carver vaguely, though he seems certain holy water is its weakness. Mimic focuses mostly on the Explanation of Transmutation, the book he says the druid died holding. He attributes all sorts of qualities to it, such as the ability to raise the dead, to grant immortality, to convert substances to gold, and myriad other fantastical things. He wrote so in-depth that I’m sure he’s convinced a lot of people to search for it.

Surely he’s making some of it up. He’s crafting a story, a prank to convince stupid foreigners to travel all the way out to Ukraine so he can have a laugh. That’s what I would’ve thought if I hadn’t received my brother’s journal in the mail. Shipped in a box that smelled of necrosis. The box that contained his severed head, his head missing the eyes. The number six thousand sixty-one carved on his forehead.

I turned to the last journal entry.

“I’m dead. So dead, how’d I even end up here? I’m locked in a closet, I’ve only got a lighter and I’m writing my last words. I walked up the stream. There was this old stone house. It’s the Carver’s. It’s also a mausoleum. Smells putrid. It’s full of the dead. I saw it and waited. I wasn’t just going to enter it, not right away. Night came. I wasn’t worried, I’d be able to find my way back, just follow the stream. And I saw him. The Carver. His flesh clings to his body, he’s so skinny, almost a skeleton if not for the pale blue skin wrapped tightly to his bones. He walked slowly. Surely. With a strange confidence.

I waited a while after I lost sight of him. Just to make sure. I would be in and out in a flash, I thought. Part of the wall had collapsed on one side. I jumped it. And I got hit by that smell, the smell that follows me, it’s sunk into my hair and my skin, I smell like a corpse and- Moonlight lit a bit of the room. Centuries old, this building. And it smelled. There were fragments of bones and trinkets, a stained rug, but no book. I went into a door. The smell got stronger, it was in my nostrils now, and I vomited, I wiped my mouth and pulled out my lighter, my hand shaking so bad I almost couldn’t get it lit, and the dead people were there.

They were PROPPED. Propped up like figures in a wax museum, dressed in fashions from eons ago, all different kinds, all skeletal or ripe green or dirt brown, and some were hanging from the ceiling like marionettes dancing, and others were sitting at a table, silverware in hand, and another was staring out the window, and another had a laptop in its hands, and another applying makeup while staring in a mirror, can you imagine that? A dead person staring at themselves in a mirror, staring with no eyes, just black sockets, and there was another propped up in a chair, reading a book.

The Explanation of Transmutation. I pulled the book out of its hands, knocking the corpse over, a thousand baby spiders exploding from the skull. I ran into the forest, waiting to see the Carver, but he wasn’t there.

I was elated, the world was mine! I stopped to catch a breath, and the book began calling my name. I took a quick look. The pages were blank. They were all blank. Page after page after page, I kept turning. Except the last one.

One sentence scrawled: ‘need new eyes’. And I heard footsteps behind me.

Then I woke up here. And I’m waiting to die. And I’m so alone. I hope someone reads this. Stay away. My brother’s address is 13 XYXYX XYXYXYXY, XYXYXY XYXYXYX, North Carolina, U.S.A. Send this to him. Tell him I miss him.’

Tears came no longer. I had read it too many times, imagined his death too many times. I put the journal away as the train began to slow.

I disembarked, the only passenger to do so. The air had a fetid odor, and grew stronger the closer to town I walked. It reminded me to prepare myself, so I stopped and unzipped my travel bag. I didn’t bring just a knife, like my brother. No, I came to slaughter: a MP5 and a fragmentation grenade, which I purchased through a friend of a friend of a contact in my brother’s journal; six nine millimeter clips and a gallon of holy water blessed by a reluctant priest; a machete, and a liter of gasoline and matches. I was going to torture the Carver to death.

With my weapons readied, I continued into town. Oil street lamps lit the cobble-stoned streets, and I began to see people, slow, milling about aimlessly. I continued down into the middle of the street, studying the town. It was aged, storied with a history I would never know. Was it built during The Ruin? The throngs of townsfolk began to thicken. They all looked sick, and had numbers written on their shirts, what did it mean? They were all in the six thousands, but not one higher than-

These were the Carver’s victims. And they had me surrounded. Dozens of them, all staring at me, the faint glow of the street lamps illuminating the sickly pallor of their dead flesh. I saw the innkeep amongst them, in the back. He was a stranger, to be sure, but there was something I recognized in his gaze. Contrarily, the villagers’ eyes were glazed, void of consciousness. They stepped toward me.

Gun in hand, I dropped the bag and began spraying bullets into the crowd. Black, bloodless holes filled their bodies, and they just kept coming, ignoring the rounds aside from a flinch from impact. Clip after clip was spent, I could smell the decay on their breath, could see the yellowed whites of their eyes, and then there was the click of the last magazine running dry. Only a few lay still. I began to worry.

I strapped the bag of munitions to my back and sprinted toward the closest building, kicking down the door and barricading it. As soon as I stepped away, the door rattled on its hinges, the villagers’ bloodlust made audible in clarion screams. It wasn’t going to hold very long. Shadows flit by the windows, I heard glass shatter somewhere. Got to go, gotta get out, where do I go?

I ran through the house, searching desperately, but only one thing came to mind: burn, baby, burn. I wouldn’t be able to escape, but I wouldn’t be the only one to die tonight. I began another lap through the house, unzipping the bag and pouring the gasoline in a trail, evading villagers that had breached the building. I struck a match and the trail lit, consuming the house in an instant. A few villagers in the way of the trail became walking torches, though they did not scream as the flames roasted their skin. In fact, they made no reaction, other than to continue to lumber toward me. It was useless.

I tried to run. They were around every corner, I couldn’t get out. I ascended a staircase, trying to dodge the flames quickly climbing it, and then I stopped as I heard a loud groan. The stairwell broke, and I fell.

I awoke with a start, my temple pulsing in agony. The smoke was caustic as I inhaled, and the light of flames flickered through cracks above, illuminating the tunnel I was in with eerie light. After my eyes adjusted, I crept down the dank passage, my heart thundering. I saw torchlight near the end, set beside an ancient, rotted door. It was heavy, and creaked loudly despite my caution. It opened up into a mammoth room, cobbled and mildewed, lit by lanterns in intervals. A foul odor crept into my lungs, and there was not a breath shallow enough to save me from it. Stone tables were staggered throughout, at least a hundred, each with something on them-

Embalming tables. They were all embalming tables, still occupied by bodies of mangled, pale flesh that hadn’t seen sunlight in decades. I walked silently toward one, careful not to wake them, lest they be animated like the villagers. The one I looked had a carving in its chest, the number one-thousand and twelve. He kept them, the Carver kept them as trophies.

This was disgusting, I was disgusted and I needed out, I needed out right now. The confines of the room began to close in, claustrophobia squeezed my lungs as I ran through the room, aimlessly searching for an exit, any way out, but it was filled with tables, tables and corpses and that terrible smell.

And in my carelessness, I knocked over a trap of tools rusted brown, and they clattered to the ground, the echo lasting several moments. And before I even looked up, I could feel eyes on me. And when I did, every corpse in the room was sitting up, staring at me. And then cold, fetid hands clasped my face from behind me, and the world faded to black.

I awoke to darkness, hanging by my arms. I stood up, the reek of death all around me. When my eyes adjusted, I realized I was in the room my brother had described, the one with all the corpses propped, except they were all staring into my eyes with green, withered faces. I remained motionless, for I could not tell if they were alive or not. They were perfectly still, but their eyes, their eyes were alive and glistening. I looked around, but there was no escape. I saw the bag with my supplies in it, five feet away, but impossible to reach, for my wrists were bound by chains.

My head dropped. This was it. I had failed. I would die in the same cursed place as my brother had. Oh, my poor brother, I was not strong enough to avenge you. I looked back up. Like a hallucination, two corpses lay on the floor, one freshly killed, one headless, and a ghastly figure kneeling beside them with a book in hand. It had a mask of human flesh on, the innkeep’s, he was wearing the innkeep.

The creature was frail, emaciated, his bones more prominent than his musculature. Varicose veins pulsated, splintering off from his heart like lightening. There was a patchwork of his victim’s flesh wrapped around him, interspersed by dried blood and pale blue. He began incanting an ancient language with the voice of a woman. And he looked at me, my brother’s eyes inside his darkened sockets. The demon put his finger inside the newly deceased’s head, rubbed the browned blood on a page inside the book, and then placed his hand on the headless body. It began twitching.

The Carver dropped the book, standing to look at me. He ripped the flesh mask off, the Moon lighting a sickening smile on his lipless face. The headless corpse stood up, wobbling, ‘six thousand sixty-one’ carved in its chest. A boast, a trophy. The Carver reached toward me, his fingers misshapen claws. The corpse flinched, bristled behind it, as if agitated.

“New- heartttt?” he hissed. He poked my chest and began pushing, slowly, maintaining eye contact the whole time, his head tilted, relishing my reaction. His finger squirmed, sliced tissue, prodded my lung. And suddenly, he fell to the floor. My brother’s body had attacked it. But as soon as the Carver lost sight of me, it flailed blindly, searching without eyes for the chains that bound me. It made contact, and with supernatural strength, tore it from the ceiling. I would’ve offered thanks, but it didn’t have ears with which to hear me.

The Carver was back up, and grabbed my brother’s body, throwing it outside, through the wall. As soon as he turned back to me, I whipped the broken chain at it, denting its skull. It fell back to the ground, stunned, and I went for my bag, rifling through it. I desperately threw the vials of holy water at demon, but they did not impede his recovery. No, no, I grasped, as the Carver pulled apart my chest, and through the pain I swung the machete down, tearing his torso wide open. He recoiled, falling to his knees at my feet, clutching his spilled innards. I reached back into the bag, grabbed the grenade, pulled the pin with my teeth and shoved it inside his wound.

This was it.

The explosion was deafening. I sailed through the air. Dead flesh rained from the sky. Everything was destroyed. Through the haze of my fading consciousness, I realized that I was missing most of my body. I lay still. This was the end. I gave it my best, and had won, even though it cost my life to succeed. It was worth it. I closed my eyes. Time passed, but I could not tell how much, nor did I care. And then something shook me awake, a cold breeze or a soft howl from far away. I blinked. The air was charged with some sort of energy. I looked over my shoulder and saw a blue glow as the Carver’s body began piecing itself back together, only tiny pieces, but it was forming quickly. Already a finger was reformed.

No! I won! I had won! I had beaten him, I would not allow my victory to be snatched away, I would NOT allow this. I began crawling with the last limb I had attached, at first to the Carver, but then to the book lying next to him. It was already open, turned to a page which I could not read. But something called to me from it, whispering in my mind, and I knew not what I did, I only acted. I picked a bit of the Carver’s gray matter off my face and placed it on the page, which set strange runes aglow in blue light. The book spoke to my mind, told me to trace the last rune, but I hesitated.

I knew what this meant. I would become the new Carver. I would become a monster, unredeemable, atrocious, forsaken and alone. But was I not already alone? The Carver’s head was mushy still, but his face was forming. And if I did this, how many brothers would I steal from the world? How many families would I destroy without regret or conscience? Was it worth vengeance? The Carver’s torso was fusing together, bone popping out of a hand that reached toward me. If I chose this, I would be immortal, undead, leading a hollow life of stealing from the living. Could I live with myself knowing what I was? The Carver pulled himself on top of me, his saliva dripping on my face.

Was this worth absolute victory? What would you think, my brother?

I think so. I traced the rune.

My body disintegrated.

The transformation was extraordinary. My mind was filled with knowledge, foreign memories made, consciousness transcended, senses redefined, beliefs and morals distorted and remade. Existence was understood from a whole different perspective. Life was an essence, something tangible, transferrable, if one used the right tools. My body was reformed, stronger, more powerful, restructured with a foreign genetic code. But it was malnourished. I reached out for one of the myriad limbs laying around me and used it, absorbed it. Ate it. The feeling, the taste was intoxicating. My greatest desire now was to use it, to experiment, to see how much flesh I could transmute.

The old Carver stared up at me in horror, broken and writhing. Yes, I knew what he was thinking. He had not known fear in centuries, and to stand here above him, to revel as he cowered, it was bliss.

“I’m going to torture you to death,” I whispered. And then I consumed him, in thin ribbons of flesh and rivulets of blood, dissecting him, peeling his flesh, taking inventory of his organs, collecting his nails, strangling the screams from his throat, for hours on end. And when I finished, when he was naught but a slimy paste, I sought the long-dead, and consumed them, too. I left the old building to find one more corpse, and found him.

Ah, but this one I would not eat. I hungered, yes, and I would sate that urge with a million souls, for I was the new Carver. I generated flesh on the body before me to erase the number placed on it, except I left the ‘one’. The first. You are the first, my brother. Let us share this victory together.