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ladyloveandjustice · 7 years ago

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Trick the Past Again- An Akane Kurashiki Mix

"I'll do whatever it takes to achieve my goals. That's just the kind of person I am."

Kidnapper, killer, time traveler, mastermind, scientist, conspiracy nut, cult leader, savior of humanity. A mix for Akane Kurashiki.

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Basically my experiences with Zero Escape can be expressed with a “do it for her” graphic starring Akane Kurashiki. I adore her in all her complex, morally ambiguous, well-intentioned extremist, Machiavellian glory. So here’s my mix tribute to her, complete with the usual obsessively detailed annotations under the cut.

AAA

Fairly self-explanatory, this song easily applies to a girl who jumps timelines, changes history and tosses aside moral concerns for the big picture and greater good.

“time comes in particles” someone once said and this is what i remember/this is how my brain works.

.you won’t become numb, i won’t stay the same. if i try hard enough i can cry paper planes and we’ll connect the dots in the history books and you’ll see the bigger picture, i’ll shrink down the greater good.

Akane will do anything to stave off the apocalypse and every time she reunites with Junpei or other friends, they’re always completely different versions of themselves.

i think a storm is moving in. so watch out for our favorite apocalypse. and who will we be the next time we meet?

Uma Thurman

This song struck me as Junpei’s POV in the first game, where Akane is manipulating him like a boss, doing whatever it takes to stay alive and even hitching a ride in his brainspace and hey, he seemed pretty okay with that.

I can work a miracle/keep you like an oath/May nothing but death do us part /You'll find your way/And may death find you alive

She wants to dance like Uma Thurman/Bury me 'til I confess/She wants to dance like Uma Thurman/And I can't get you out of my head

Divide me down to the smallest I can be/Put your venom in me

Oh no!

"Junpei, I will never forget you. But please, forget me. You need to forget...I won’t let anything get in the way of my goals. That’s just the kind of person I am. Even if that means I must lose my life, I swear I'll make the AB Project a success!"

Don't do love, don't do friends/I'm only after success/Don't need a relationship/I'll never soften my grip

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be/I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine/I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy

One track mind, one track heart

I’m gonna live/I’m gonna fly/I’m gonna fail/ I’m gonna die

Cold War

"This will be the culmination of many years of hard work. We cannot afford failure."

So you think that I'm alone/But being alone is the only way to be/When you step outside/You spend life fighting for your sanity/This is a cold war/You better know what you're fighting for

Just One Yesterday

Probably primarily addressed at Junpei. She’s “teaching him (and the others) a lesson” by putting them in the Nonary game, giving him the information he needs to know so she can succeed. It’s all so she can save her past self, her “yesterday”. She doesn’t care if she dies many times in the process.

(I know I’m bad news)/(I saved it all for you)I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way/Still I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

And then after all that? She leaves him behind because she has more important things to do.

And I’m here to give you all of my love/So I can watch your face as I take it all away

Strings and Attractors

I went around and read some extra material about Akane, and apparently the future version of her in VLR gets so good at projecting herself through the connected timelines she becomes really detached and basically omnipotent in a way. She “loses herself” in all the repeating timelines, and this song expresses those feelings.

And sometimes I/Get lost in time

The moment fading/We watch the end/Over again/And keep repeating

I feel like I'm just disappearing

Playing for Keeps

This song is Akane addressing her former kidnappers, as she masterfully arranges it so they kill each other. Revenge is sweet

"I must punish them. For the innocent lives they sacrificed. This is the only warning they will receive."

It's a lonely road where the forgotten go/Where your misery finds its company It's a long way down to the sacred ground/Where the reapers playing for keeps

You're next in line for judgement day now/Aren't you praying, aren't you begging that you're anyone else?

Well I bet you're sorry now/Well you did this to yourself

Still alive

GLaDOS/Akane OTP? They kind of have the same ends-justifies-the-means attitudes when it comes to their experiments on people, so this song fits Akane well, especially adding in some vengefulness towards her kidnappers. Amusingly, Junpei indicated (in an assholish way) that Akane is also pretty fond of cake in ZTD, so even that part fits.

We do what we must/because we can/For the good of all of us./Except the ones who are dead.

Look at me, still talking when there's science to do/When I look out there, it makes me glad I'm not you./I've experiments to run/There is research to be done/On the people who are still alive.

Black Sheep

You could consider this from Sigma’s POV or basically any of Akane’s accomplices in her apocalypse-erasing plan. She (and Sigma and Phi and co) knew the world was going to end. They prepared for it and now Akane’s going to get everyone working to change the past.

Hello again, friend of a friend/I knew you when/Our common goal was waiting for the world to end/Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend/You crack the whip, shape-shift and trick the past again

Also she’s gonna get a base on the freakin’ moon

Got real estate, I'm buying it all up in outer space

Castle

Akane the cult-leader. She rules her organization with a iron fist and she’s ready to dethrone the old man in charge of the rival cult.

I'm headed straight for the castle/They wanna make me their queen/And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying that I probably shouldn't be so mean

Oh, all these minutes passing, sick of feeling used/if you wanna break these walls down, you’re gonna get bruised/And now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it/Already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it

I am not a robot

Akane having to deal with emogothedgyJunpei, God pity her. Also applies to how she tends to suppress her feelings and vulnerability as well.

“I’m done playing action hero...I’m an adult now”

“Actually, Junpei, you seem pretty childish to me.”

You've been acting awful tough lately/Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately/But inside, you're just a little baby

I'm vulnerable/I am not a robot/You're lovable/But you're just troubled

Soap

“Junpei told me I was a girl who “said things that shouldn’t be said.”

Uh-oh, there it goes, I said too much, it overflowed/Why do I always spill?

I feel it coming out my throat/Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap/God, I wish I never spoke

Academia

“This girl here, she’s always been really smart. If even the tiniest thing is off she’ll start talking about “ifs” and “buts” like someone twice her age. But to all of us at grade school, she was strange. And well, kind of scary.”

Oh Academia, you can pick me up, soothe me with your words when I need your love./You're a difficult equation with a knack for heart evasion/Will you listen to my proof or will you add another page on?

Hope on Fire

Akane building and doing everything she can to manipulate time and prevent the apocalypse from happening again, even deliberately getting herself stabbed to death.

gotta leave gotta bleed/you've gotta stop lying still/'cause this is no kind of life/you don't need guarantees/you just want something to build/before you turn to the knife

gotta move gotta choose/you've got a difference to make/don't watch it happen again/gotta change rearrange/something's bending to break/it's just a matter of when

Blindness

Akane didn’t want for any of this to happen. She was a victim of circumstance. She was forced into the role of savior of humanity- she chose to accept it and ruthlessly did what needed to be done rather than run away, but there’s no way she doesn’t get weary of jumping timelines over and over again.

All the survivors singing in the rain/I was the one with the world at my feet/Got us a battle, leave it up to me

What it is and where it stops nobody knows/You gave me a life I never chose/I wanna leave but the world won't let me go

#akane kurashiki #zero escape #nine persons nine hours nine doors #999 #virtue's last reward #zero time dilemma #my fanmix #8tracks #playmoss #kurashiki akane #video games

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harttohartforever-blog · 5 years ago

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Cross My Hart

Jensen sat in the outer office waiting nervously for Deanne to allow him into the inner sanctum. He dreaded having to tell Jonathan what happened but he couldn't think of a way out of this mess on his own and he was running out of time. He still couldn't believe he had allowed himself to be caught like this. Even Jonathan's famous patience would be tried, he would probably fire Jensen. And he would be perfectly justified in doing so.

"You can go in, Mr. Bryant." Well, time to face the music. He only hoped Jonathan could figure out a solution. He hesitated in front of the big double doors to take a deep breath and square his shoulders before he pushed one open.

"Jensen. Welcome back. How was China?" Jonathan crossed the office with a big smile and an extended hand.

"Can we talk, Jonathan?" No sense delaying the inevitable. The only thing he could do now was to try and salvage the situation before things got any worse.

Jensen Bryant sat in the smoky jazz club with Ming Yue, listening to bad Miles Davis and Charlie Parker covers. The team had signed a deal today that would make Hart Telecomm the second-largest mobile internet provider in the country, behind only Huawei Technologies. After the formalities were done they had all gone out to celebrate with multiple rounds of baijui, a particularly strong drink similar to vodka. One by one the team members had drifted away until now only Jensen and Ming Yue were left.

Jensen would have left as well but it didn't feel right to leave Ming here alone. Plus, he was rather more intoxicated than he had intended to get, that baijui was sneakily lethal. Ming Yue was a charming companion, flattering and intelligent, as well as beautiful. Looking back on it later, Jensen supposed he should have seen what was happening. But at the time, through the haze of alcohol, it had seemed like a good idea to move the party back to his hotel room.

The next morning, when the warm glow of the liquor was gone, he looked at the woman asleep beside him and knew he had made a huge mistake. Angie would never forgive him. He had never been unfaithful before. He really did love Angie and this would destroy her. She would never trust him on the road again, and he couldn't do his job if he couldn't travel.

The first photo had arrived in his email two days later. By the time he left for the states, he had received three more emails, including a threat to take them public unless Hart Telecomm pulled out of China entirely. The first three pictures were only damaging to him personally. The fourth looked innocent by comparison, it was just a picture of him sitting in the club with Ming, but attached to it was documentation identifying her as a high ranking employee of China Unicom. An affair was one thing. An affair with a VP of their chief competitor looked like collusion. If it leaked out investors would lose confidence and Hart Industries stock could be in free fall.

"What are you going to do about it?" Jonathan was saying now.

"I don't understand. What do you mean?" Jensen asked, puzzled.

"You made a mistake. How do you propose to fix it?"

"I must be dense, I'm still not understanding. I don't know how to save the company's reputation. That's why I'm here. If I knew how to make this go away don't you think I would have just done it?"

"I'm not talking about the deal. Deals are easy. You have to tell Angie the truth. Secrets are the Jack Kevorkian of marriage."

"She's not gonna forgive me, Jonathan." He responded glumly. "And I don't blame her. I really dicked up this time. It never would have happened if I hadn't had too much to drink."

"Stop that right now," Jonathan ordered his friend. "Don't make excuses. You screwed up. You own it, you fix it, and you move on. Now, you go home and make it right with Angie. Let me worry about the merger." Jensen nodded without speaking and left the office. As soon as the heavy door closed Jonathan was on the phone to Abe Solomon. He used his cell phone instead of having Deanne place the call in order to keep the information compartmentalized for as long as possible.

"Abe, I need you to look into these threats quietly. Are they coming from China Unicom or someone outside? Or even from the Chinese government? They still have a stranglehold on how much of the internet they allow but this merger would certainly make it easier for the citizens to gain access to outside information. Call me back on this line or, if you need to fax, use my home fax number would you."

Abe had been with Hart Industries almost from the beginning and there were very few people Jonathan trusted more. He was an investigator for the European offices for more than a decade but had been based in Los Angeles ever since he requested a stateside move to be near his granddaughter at UCLA. Abbie was his namesake and favorite grandchild, and her mother worried about her being so far from the rest of the family in Connecticut. Most of his work was done by computer these days anyway.

Jonathan's second call was to his corporate attorney, and one of the chief architects of the merger, Lou Phillips. If anyone could figure out a way to keep the deal viable it would be Lou. He laid the basic details out for the lawyer and asked for options.

"Look, Jonathan, this deal has been rock solid up to now. The most likely culprit is Huawei because they potentially stand to lose the most if the merger goes through. Hart Telecomm would be in a strong second place and certainly in a position to knock them out of the number one spot given the financial club Hart Industries brings to bear. But I wouldn't discount the Chinese government either. With all the trouble in Taiwan recently Xi Jinping has been cracking down hard on what he considers 'foreign interference'."

"Dig into it, Lou. Abe is working it from his end. But I would like to minimize how far this spreads as much as possible. Jensen made a mistake but that doesn't mean that Angie should be the subject of the company gossip mill." Finally, Jonathan's last call was to the person he trusted most.

"Darling, I hope your day is going smoother than mine. Would you happen to be free for lunch?" Just the sound of her voice went a long way toward improving his mood. "That would be wonderful. Chasen's at one? I'll see you then, Darling. I love you."

Lunches with Jennifer were the highlights of his week. They tried to schedule them at least once a week, thankful that they had enough flexibility in their schedules to allow it. They were both committed to making their marriage the priority so they tried every week to have one day that work started late, and one day that ended early, in addition to a lunch date. It didn't always work but they tried very hard to honor it.

Jennifer knew she needed to call Angie. She trusted Jonathan implicitly but that had not been true of some boyfriends past. She understood the pain of being cheated on and firmly believed that someone who has been through a difficulty has a moral obligation to offer support to others facing the same issues. She also knew that Angie would not welcome knowing that her pain could soon be public knowledge, she would need some time to process her emotions.

After some deliberation, she went down to the wine cellar and selected an especially delicious Clarendon Hills Shiraz. She attached a note that read 'call when you feel like drinking this' and included her private cell number. Then she boxed it up neatly and called a messenger service to deliver it to the Bryant home. She only hoped Angie would trust her and call.

Jonathan returned home that evening to find a distraught Jensen in his study. Jennifer told him the man had shown up about an hour earlier and wouldn't talk to anyone but him.

"You'd better tell Max to hold supper for a bit," Jonathan told her with a kiss on her cheek. "Go ahead and eat without me if you want to, Darling. I don't know how long this might take." He smiled when Jennifer handed him a tray with a bucket of ice, two glasses, and a bottle of bourbon.

"She threw me out, Jonathan. What am I going to do? I'd give anything to take it back." Jensen looked terrible and Jonathan immediately felt for him. He knew how he would feel if he ever lost Jennifer, especially if he caused the split. He poured them each a small shot of bourbon and sat down opposite Jensen.

"What happened, Jensen? You and Angie always seemed solid. But something must have happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have strayed, drunk or not."

"It was the baby, it was my working too much, it was everything and nothing. I never doubted how much she loved me or how much I love her, but at some point, a really good night's sleep took the place of connecting with each other. It's like we were still walking side by side but never taking the time to look at each other. I miss her, Jonathan. I missed her even before this happened. I don't know how to get her back."

"That's because you can't get her back," Jonathan told him bluntly. "You can't control her behavior. All you can do is create an environment that she will hopefully want to come back to."

"I want what you and Jennifer have. Your marriage is fireproof. How do I do that?"

"Marriage is only fireproof if you work to make it so. I knew I was in love with Jennifer within the first half-hour of knowing her. But 'in love' wasn't the same thing as loving her. And it's definitely not the same as being married to her. In love is easy, marriage takes constant work. How long has it been since you told Angie you loved her?"

"I tell her every night."

"Jensen, she needs to hear it somewhere other than the night. You saying it every night is habit. If you ask me when was the last time I said I love you to Jennifer, I would have to think about it. Because it's not on a schedule. But I can guarantee you it was today because 'I' feel the lack if I don't say it. Because she is oxygen, she is my food and water, she is necessary.

"If I lost every nickel I have, every business and building with my name on it, but I still had Jennifer I would still count myself the richest man on earth. But if I lost her, none of the rest of this would mean anything. That is what Angie wants to feel from you. She needs to be needed. Not just wanted. Needed."

"I kind of thought you would commiserate with me a little first, Jonathan," Jensen spoke wryly. He knew he needed to hear what Jonathan was saying. But still, it was a bitter pill to swallow, realizing that he had failed Angie long before he cheated on her.

"You want commiseration or do you want to try to save your marriage? You need to be her safe place when she needs to cry. You need to know her every thought, her every dream. You have to let her hold you so you can learn how she needs to be touched.

"But before you can do any of that, you need to serve her. You kicked her world out from under her and made everything about her life a hundred times more difficult. If you want to rebuild that bridge then you need to make things easier for her now."

"I'll do anything."

"Then tomorrow you go to her and you ask her what you can do to make her day easier. Not her life, just her day. Start small. And whatever she asks of you, no matter how menial or stupid you think it might be, you do it. Willingly, cheerfully even. Show her she can trust you with small things so she will see she can trust you with big ones again.

"And, Jensen. I don't want to see you at work until you've resolved it. You give her as much time as she needs and your job will be there. Tonight you can stay in the guest house."

"Thank you, Jonathan. You've been a good friend. And a good boss." Jensen stood up and shook Jonathan's hand then walked out of the room, leaving his drink untouched on the table.

In the kitchen, Jennifer watched as Jensen made his way across the driveway to disappear into the guest house. Earlier he had seemed a man defeated, but now he walked with his shoulders squared. There was renewed purpose in his stride and she knew Jonathan had found the words Jensen needed to hear. She felt him step up behind her and his arms wrap around her. She leaned back into his embrace, secure as always in the strength and shelter of his love.

"Would you like me to fix you a plate, Darling?" She asked him now.

"What I would really like is to take you upstairs. Did you eat?"

"No, I was waiting for you. But I'm fine, I would rather be with you right now." She turned to face him and lead him up the staircase to their room.

"I should lock up."

"Max will lock up when he sees we are gone. Come to bed. I've been missing you tonight."

"Darling," he stopped on the stairs and turned to face her, to look directly into her eyes. "I love you. I never want you to go a minute without knowing that. It's too easy to lose sight of it in the day to day noise. "

"Jonathan, I have never known anything less than your complete devotion to me, and to our marriage. You show me every day how much you value it. How much you value me. Do you remember on our honeymoon, when you told me that you had transferred ten million dollars to a Swiss account in my name alone 'just in case'? I thought you were crazy, or that maybe it was meant to be like a settlement if our marriage didn't last. But then I figured out that you were actually making me an equal partner in your life. And what holds us together isn't familiarity, or money, or even vows. What keeps us together is the strength of our love for each other. As long as we remember that then nothing can ever come between us. Which is really just my long-winded writer's way of saying 'I love you too'."

Their kiss was soft and tender and very, very slow. It felt, in many ways, like the kiss they had shared that day in the chapel when the Reverend had declared them man and wife. But there was so much more between them now. Their shared history, the adventures and dangers they had faced together, the thousands of times they had made love over the past twelve years. All of it was there in their kiss. And the heat was there too, still banked but ready to ignite and consume them again.

It was always like this between them. It had been this way from the first night they spent together and Jonathan hoped it would continue until their bones were too brittle to risk contact. Even then he suspected she would be worth risking multiple fractures for.

Jonathan followed her up the stairs, through their bedroom, and into her dressing room. Her tri-paneled mirror reflecting them both back hundreds of times as they slowly undressed each other. Jonathan loved to see her in elegant vintage negligees, loved the texture of the soft furs and feathers trimming them when he touched her. Tonight he chose a gown of morning glory blue the exact shade of his eyes. It was a deceptively simple style, with short puffed sleeves and a scooped drawstring neckline that closed a very deep vee between her breasts. The alternating bands of thin cotton gauze and feminine lace elevated the ordinary fabric into something altogether lovely.

He slipped on a pair of lounge pants of the same blue cotton. Sometimes they laughed together over the idea of putting on nightclothes that would likely be abandoned on the floor within minutes, but half the fun was in undressing each other in bed. The touching, stroking each other, fingers seeking out the edges of their clothes. Teasing forays past hems to find warm skin, only to retreat seconds later then advance again.

Jennifer used gardenia scented paper to line the drawers of her lingerie chest so the faint floral perfume clung to her clothes. Even when Jonathan was a very old man he would smell the scent of gardenias and be instantly transported back in his memory to these long pleasure-soaked nights with her.

Her fingernails scratched lightly at his chest hair. She had a way of touching him that could seem perfectly ordinary and innocent but somehow drove him crazy with desire. He had yet to figure out how she did it. But then, trying was so very pleasurable. Now her hands moved down his chest in small increments. She started near his shoulders, nails dragging across his skin, dipping down into the thick mat of hair then back up again. Every so often one nail would skip lightly over his nipple as if by accident, causing a sharply indrawn breath and a jolt of pleasure to streak through him.

He was achingly hard and desperate for her before she had progressed even a third of the way down his chest, her knees on either side of his hips making him crazy. She was so near that he could feel the ghost-touches of her skin brushing against his straining shaft but all he could do was stroke her hips and wait helplessly for her to move over him.

Jennifer loved the feeling of being astride him. So often, it was the other way around, his weight so familiar across her body, and the friction of him moving within her. But when she knelt over him, when she took control of both their satisfaction, it was different somehow. The feeling was more primal, she felt like an amazonian warrior-goddess. From above it was easier to see his face. To watch the play of emotions, from desire, to need, to fulfillment, Right now his look was bordering on desperation as she rocked her hips enough to brush against him very lightly several times in succession.

The sheer curtains fluttered in the late evening breeze, carrying the scent from the lilac bushes along the fence up to their room, but they were too wrapped up in each other to notice. Jennifer had, at last, moved to take him inside her. But his need was only heightened by the delicious resistance. With every movement, her muscles tightened on him, holding him within the sweetest of prisons. It was a confinement he never wanted to leave and his heart pounded so hard that she could see it's movement on his skin. His hands gripped her hips almost painfully. Tomorrow she would wear the marks of his passion proudly on her pale skin, even though he would exclaim over the faint bruises and avoid holding her hips again for several days.

She loved that she was able to drive him to the same dizzying heights he always brought her to. Loved to hear the same cries she heard from herself, coming from him. Sounds beyond words, sounds of hunger and passion that filled the longings in them both. He poured himself into her with a harsh cry that sent her tumbling over the precipice into her own release.

Exhausted, she collapsed onto his chest, breathing heavily. He smoothed his hands up and down her back, the slight sheen of sweat that covered them both drying in the lilac scented breeze. The night was warm but he still felt her shiver on top of him so he groped blindly for the blanket to wrap around her. Even in her drowsy satisfied state, she burrowed closer to him, laying her head under his chin and sighing with contentment.

Chapter Two

"Jonathan? So it looks like it is Huawei Tech. They are worried about Hart Telecomm having a foothold in China. There is some whispering that Huawei may have accepted a sweetheart deal with the government to make sure Chinese telecommunications remain firmly in Chinese hands." Lou Phillips spoke seriously, well aware of what pushback from the government at this late date meant. So did Jonathan.

"Should we cancel the deal altogether? I don't want to throw good money after bad if Xi is going to stall our permits and licenses." It had taken millions of dollars, both Hart Industries' and Jonathan's personal funds, in under the table payments just to secure the rights to operate in China. Famously not welcoming to foreign business interests, it now appeared as though Xi Jinping had decided to scoop up as much money as he could and then freeze them out by denying them the paperwork they would need to actually move forward.

Fortunately, they hadn't broken ground on the new facilities yet. The land itself would be a tax write-off until it became profitable to sell. Hart Industries stockholders would take a small hit but the parent company was large enough that they could absorb the loss. Jonathan had known that trying to break into the communist-controlled market was a risky move. His instincts were not often wrong but he never wagered more than they could afford to lose.

It was precisely this reason that he had opened the Swiss account for Jennifer a dozen years ago. One that he added to every year, currently it was worth was well over a hundred million dollars. If anything happened to him Jennifer would still be a very wealthy woman, and if anything happened to his fortune they had a safety net that would never be at risk. He had also provided generously for her in his will of course, but this debacle with Huawei was a perfect example of how quickly things could shift. To his mind, the Swiss account was inviolate. It was Jennifer's safety net and he would never take a single dollar out of it.

As soon as he hung up with Lou, Jonathan called Abe Solomon, but he had not been able to make any headway on tracing the emails back yet. Jennifer was still asleep when he slipped out of bed and stepped into the shower but by the time he started to dry off he could her voice from the bedroom.

"Of course Angie. Whatever you need, we are here for you." There was a brief pause before she continued. "Would you rather come here? There's plenty more wine in the cellar." Jonathan could hear her soft laughter. "We could always break out the tequila shots. No, I understand completely. Yes, and I'll have Max prep some lemon wedges just in case." She laughed again and hung up the phone.

"Darling, Angie and I are going to have lunch here this afternoon. Would you mind sort of making yourself scarce for a couple of hours? I think she needs a little girl talk."

"I know that kind of girl talk. It's usually lubricated by several bottles of wine." He smiled at her. "The Shiraz was a nice touch Darling, but may I suggest the Chateau de Parnay Chenin Blanc. I just put a case in the cellar. I think you will like it, it's very light with a zesty spice finish. And of course, I can stay clear, Darling. I think Angie needs you more than I do right now. You can assure her that Abe is doing everything possible to make certain that the photos will never see the light of day."

"Thank you, Darling. You always know what to say." Jennifer went to take her shower. Jonathan loved this particular time of day. He usually left before she showered, frequently before she even got up, so he didn't often get to see her in the shower. A couple of years ago when they remodeled their bathroom they replaced the frosted glass shower doors with clear ones. Now he could stand at his mirror and watch her bathing while he shaved. Of all of the beautiful views around the house, this was his absolute favorite.

"Angie, I'm so glad you came. I've asked Max to serve lunch in my office so we can have privacy." Jennifer ushered her friend into a room Angie hadn't even noticed during previous visits. The hallway that opened up behind the front staircase was easy to overlook. It led to a large suite that had been a pair of bedrooms with a jack-and-jill bathroom and a sitting room. During the remodel, they had opened it up into one large space and a powder room.

Jennifer had claimed this for her own, finally moving her cherrywood desk out of the living room alcove. Compared to the masculine feeling of much of the house with its wood paneling and heavy furniture, she decorated her office with light colors and casual pieces. She and Jonathan had found a beautiful antique Aubusson rug in pale pinks and creams at a street market in Paris and she decorated the room around it. Everything was old and a bit battered, but it was a calm, pleasant space to work or rest in.

She and Angie sat back in the pink club chairs flanking one side of the carved fireplace with its chippy white paint and winged cherubs on the sides that they had found at that same street market. Two glasses of white wine rested on the small coffee table, the bottle resting in a bucket of ice beside them.

"Thank you for the invitation, Jennifer. I don't think I could face the attention that comes with eating in public with you. I love you but you do attract a lot of attention and press.

"I don't know what to do. I know he loves me, I just don't know if I can get past this. I feel so betrayed. How am I supposed to trust him again?" Angie was distraught, the most recent of a number of tissues balled up in her fist. "Oh Jennifer, I want to take him back but I don't know if I can."

"Angie, I don't want to pry, but I'm your friend and I'd like to help if I can. About a year before I met Jonathan I was dating a man called Elliott who cheated on me, so I can understand a little bit of what you are going through."

"What did you do?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly the same situation. I found out that Elliott had cheated on me numerous times and I had no faith that he intended to stop. I know that Jensen truly regrets what he did and will never allow himself to be in a situation like that again. Plus, we weren't married. You have a child to think about. And I'm sure my goddaughter would prefer to have her mother and father stay together if possible." Jennifer smiled at the memory of Aislynn's christening when she held the baby for the sacrament. The look of surprise on her tiny face when the priest traced the sign of the cross on her forehead and sprinkled her with holy water was adorable and Jennifer was quick to wipe her off before she could begin to cry.

"So you think I should take him back?"

"I think you should forgive him. For your own peace of mind. Whether you take him back or not you will feel better if you can find a way to forgive him. And I'm sure it will be better for Aislynn if her parents aren't at war with each other." Jennifer spoke kindly but with conviction. She couldn't bear to see any of her friends hurting and she was especially invested in the Bryant family since they had asked her to stand as Aislynn's Godmother.

"He showed up at the house this morning, he said that Jonathan told him not to come back to work until he made things right with me so that's what he intended to do. He asked me how he could make my day easier. Jennifer, he even knocked on the door instead of just walking in, like he was trying to respect my space. I didn't know how to respond. Finally, I asked him to stay with Aislynn all day so I could run errands and he agreed." Angie looked surprised and Jennifer got the impression that Jensen had not previously been the biggest help around the house.

"It sounds like he is trying to show you he loves you, not just tell you. Love isn't just the words you say. It isn't something you are in and it's not someplace to fall. Love is something that you do. It's a verb, not an adjective. And to make a strong marriage takes dedication and effort. I think Jensen is figuring out that it isn't just saying some words and then you can coast." Angie looked thoughtful at Jennifer's words.

"Maybe I've been coasting too. I guess I thought we got married and now it should be easy. I think I've been taking him for granted for a long time. As long as he was beside me I figured everything was okay and it didn't matter that we didn't really see each other." She spoke slowly as she considered things she never had before.

"It sounds like it's time to look. Perhaps you can see him with new eyes. Not eyes that take for granted, and not eyes that judge and see only the pain he caused you, but eyes that accept that neither of you is perfect and start again." Jennifer patted her friend's hand with an understanding smile. "And maybe it's time to head home and talk to him?"

"I think it is." Angie sounded thoughtful. "Thank you, Jennifer. For being understanding, but not too understanding. You said some things I needed to hear and gave me a lot to think about. Everyone else has just been telling me I was right to throw him out, that it's all his fault and I should divorce him and take him for everything he's got. You are my only friend that cared enough to give me some hard truths. And you are right, I think I'm going to go home and have a real conversation with my husband, maybe for the first time ever." She seemed much happier as she walked out of the house than she had walking in.

Jennifer left a note for Jonathan and left to run an errand of her own. He loved to hear her sing so for their anniversary this year she was going to sing for him. She had been secretly meeting with a voice coach and had made arrangements with a very special musician to play for their anniversary party. She was even more excited about this party than usual, this year she was really going to surprise him.

Jonathan was at home when she returned and tonight it was her turn to hold him close and share her revelations from the day. She was more thankful than ever that she and Jonathan made it a consistent priority to talk to each other. To not allow anger and fears fester. There was nothing that she felt would be 'too much' to entrust to his hands. No matter what she told him she knew her heart was safe with him and she tried very hard to show him that his fears and dreams were just as safe with her.

"Let's eat quickly," she told him now. "I've been dreaming of being with you all day. I want us to get lost in each other, to be so close that we can't tell where you end and I begin, as close to you as I can be. I want to make love until the sun comes up and then goes down again. I want to be with you, skin on skin until there is not even a shadow of distance between us." Her words were spoken against his ear and the very vibration of her voice stirred him. He led her up the stairs, calling Max over his shoulder to bring their supper up on a tray in an hour or so.

He understood exactly what she was feeling since he had felt the same yesterday. That sense of the fragility in a marriage, the need to be ever vigilant to maintain those bonds above all other obligations. The necessity of believing their love would transcend time, that there was only one truly great love in a person's life and they were it for each other.

"I want to breathe you until I can feel you in my blood." She told him urgently as they tumbled into bed still half dressed.

"You are my sweet addiction, I want to wrap the moon around us until you are my only reality." He spoke with his lips against her skin as though he couldn't bear to stop kissing her for even a second. "I can dream of no greater gift when my time comes than to die of pleasure while making love to you."

"Then St. Peter had better have room in that chariot for two." She responded tartly. He loved the very mercurialness of her moods. He never knew what she might say from second to second. Here she was sassing St. Peter when only a moment ago she was almost in tears.

"Darling, if you were a drink you'd be single barrel bourbon on ice. Smooth with a kick. A chill and a burn all at the same time." He told her now, tiny kisses nipping at her neck in that sweet spot he knew made her crazy.

"Jonathan, you're so corny sometimes." She teased gently.

"Yes, I know. I never want to be less than completely over the top for you. But in this case, I stole the line. It was from a song I heard on the radio coming home this afternoon. Someone called Brad Paisley, and boy does he understand you. Whomever he was singing about must have been your twin in another life because he called her 'sunshine mixed with a little hurricane' and I can't think of a better description of you."

His kisses had moved to the hollow spot at the base of her throat causing her to shiver in his arms. Suddenly she couldn't come up with a clever response, all of her attention was focused on the southward journey of his lips across her skin.

"Turn off the lights." He murmured now, his kisses tickling her collarbone. The room was plunged into blackness, the moonless night not giving even a glimmer of light to spill in through the big windows, and they were too deep in the canyon to see the glow of lights from Los Angeles.

"Don't you want me to turn on the small lamp in my dressing room?" It was so dark that she couldn't see even the outline of his body covering hers. She knew how much he loved watching her reactions, loved seeing her come apart at his lightest touch.

"Shh, my lips know where to go." He assured her, proving it by moving down to the narrow valley between her breasts. He licked the trace of sweat that had gathered there in the sultry heat of the July night. The mere fact that she couldn't see him at all contributed to her heightened arousal, she never knew where the next kiss might land even though she knew their eventual destination.

"My hands know how to find yours and trace them back to your lips. You are my Northern Star and I would be able to find my way to you in the darkest night, the roughest seas. You will always be the lighthouse calling me home." His tongue dipped suddenly into the shell of her navel and she almost cried out at the pleasure of the unexpected touch. "No matter where I am I can feel your breath on my skin. I hear your heart beat in every breeze and taste your kiss on every word that falls from my lips."

"Jonathan," his name was a breath on her lips as he kissed the soft, sweet, center of her. "Jonathan," she repeated again and again like a lifeline until it became wordless syllables and he took her to that place where nothing mattered but his touch. The coyotes and night birds were the only creatures awake to hear her cries of passion in the darkness.

Across town, Angie and Jensen were talking softly together, holding hands on the sofa. Angie had been pleasantly surprised to arrive home and find Aislynn fed and bathed and already dressed in a lightweight sleepsack. Jensen had unloaded the dishwasher for her and when she sat down he brought her a plate of her favorite takeout Chinese food.

"I had to order delivery since I can't cook anything better than hot dogs." He had spoken with quiet sincerity, unlike the thinly veiled sarcasm she had come to expect. He held Aislynn while Angie ate, rocking her gently on his shoulder just the way she liked to fall asleep. And when Angie had finished her supper and went to put the baby to bed, Jensen took her dirty dishes, rinsed them, and loaded them into the dishwasher for her. He didn't turn on the television or check his cell phone when she returned but poured a glass of wine for each of them and asked about her day.

They talked late into the night. While the Harts were making love, the Bryants were rebuilding it. When Angie could no longer stifle her yawn, Jensen apologized for keeping her up so late and got ready to leave.

"You could stay here, on the sofa. You know, if you wanted too." Angie blurted out suddenly. Her cheeks were stained pink and she looked almost shy.

"I would like that very much, Jensen told her simply. They didn't speak as Angie fetched spare linens and they made up the sofa together. The easy camaraderie of the evening was gone as they each pondered the implications of this decision.

"Angie, may I kiss you goodnight?" He asked her. She couldn't speak but she gave him a small nod. He was in front of her in an instant but then time seemed to slow to a crawl. He took her face in his hands and brought his face close to hers with infinite tenderness. Her lips were parted but he made no attempt to enter. He just covered her lips with his own and kissed her for what seemed like hours.

She could feel the heat between them again, a fire she had thought was extinguished. But again he made no attempt to go further than this slow, sweet kiss. He kissed her until there was nothing in the world except his lips on hers. Until there was no oxygen beyond what they shared between them. He kissed her until, at last, she broke away.

"Goodnight, my love." He told her.

"Am I?" She asked him. "Am I still your love?" She didn't look angry or judgemental, only curious.

"Forevermore." He said honestly. She went to their bed and fell asleep with his simple answer echoing in her heart.

Chapter Three

"That's wonderful. I will fax you all the details. I can hardly wait, this is going to be the best one yet." Jennifer hung up the phone quietly, aware that the shower had shut off in the middle of her call and he surely heard at least part of her conversation. She thought back desperately, had she said anything that might give her away? She didn't think so.

"Who was on the phone?" He asked her casually, leaning into the room wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. A stray drop of water dripped from his hair to roll down his chest. She was mesmerized watching it track through the nest of hair, catching the light as it moved. Jonathan would have to be blind to miss the way she licked her lips and unconsciously pressed her knees together.

"Oh, it was Sister Domenica. She wanted to go over some of the details of the charity ball next month." She lied quickly. Jonathan had grown up in the Mission Street Orphanage and Sister Domenica had a tremendous influence on him. He credited her with instilling the love of learning that got him where he was today. Jennifer thought that the mention of her name would distract him sufficiently that he wouldn't question her further. She was a terrible liar. Her cheeks turned pink and her eyes got big and panicky. It was only at poker that she could bluff successfully.

Jonathan was quite distracted, but it had nothing to do with her words and everything to do with the way she was staring at his body and he knew he would be going to work late this morning. It only took a few steps and he was standing at the edge of the bed. Directly in front of where Jennifer sat in her pretty, white nightgown, her hand still resting on the phone. She reached up slowly and touched the drop of water caught in the tangle of hair, the hair she delighted in dragging her nails through as he made love to her.

She traced the path of wetness back up to his shoulder where it had begun its journey, then ran her fingers through his wet hair. The dark brown strands were liberally sprinkled with salt and pepper now, just a bit heavier at the temples, making him look even more distinguished in his suit and tie.

It made him look rakish when it was rumpled from their lovemaking and she decided she would much rather see it disheveled just now. She very deliberately laid back on her pillows and opened her arms to him. The towel dropped forgotten on the floor as Jonathan moved into her welcoming embrace. He always made love to her generously, seeing to her total satisfaction before his own and today was no different. She knew the echoes of her cries would reverberate in the heavy late August air, right in through the big, open windows downstairs. And that Max would smile knowingly at them and make a point to mention how late it was when they finally made it to the breakfast table.

Jonathan knew she was lying about the phone call but he didn't care. He trusted Jennifer and whatever the call had been about was her business, he didn't need to pry. If it concerned him she would tell him in her own time. And then her hands were drowning out every distraction, and he surrendered himself completely to their dancing touch.

She was right, Max had commented that they might need a new alarm clock if the old one kept such terrible time that they were late to breakfast so often. Jonathan just smiled that secret smile at her, the smile that was no secret at all, it was known to lovers the world over. She didn't care how much Max teased. She was secure and happy in the cocoon of Jonathan's love. Plus, Angie had called yesterday to request another lunch date and this Angie sounded much happier than the sobbing woman she had counseled a month ago.

"Oh Jennifer, it's as if we are on our honeymoon again. Except, this time it's not just the incredible sex. He asks about my day and he actually listens to me. He looks in my eyes when I'm talking. And now at night while I'm getting Aislynn bathed and put to bed, he washes the dinner dishes for me. Once she's asleep he pours us a glass of wine and we cuddle on the couch and talk, no television, no cell phone, we just talk to each other about whatever comes to mind."

Jennifer and Angie were, once again, sitting in the comfortable pink chairs by the fireplace. They could smell the honeysuckle and jasmine that wrapped the small terrace outside the french doors Jennifer had thrown open. Jonathan had had this tiny little terrace built for her birthday last year and Max had planted flowering vines all around it that climbed and wound around the trellises until she had a secret spot where she could read or dream undisturbed.

"I'm so happy for you two. If you put in the effort then the honeymoon never ends. Jonathan is far and away, the best lover I've ever had. Not just technique, because anyone can learn that, but he listens. Really listens, to my words and to all of the things that have no words. He hears what my body tells him, it makes every time feel like the first time."

Jennifer was happy for her friends. Jensen and Angie had been a perfect fit right from the beginning. If they had known she was playing matchmaker back then they would have dug in their heels and refused. Instead, she waited for a company party and casually introduced them. The air around them practically crackled with the strength of their attraction to each other. Their respective dates that evening commiserated together over being ditched and then went home together for a night. The Bryants had been inseparable ever since.

"To make sure we don't get complacent again, every morning we ask each other 'what is one thing I can do today to serve you?' It's usually something simple like him asking me to have the car serviced, or I'll ask him to pick up the dry cleaning on his way home. But it reminds us to help each other, that we are a team.

"And since you and Jonathan are responsible for it, we wanted you to be the first to know ... we're having a baby. We only found out yesterday, I called you from the doctor's office. I'm a little less than three weeks along but I was pretty sure when I started getting sick whenever I smelled meat cooking. it was the same way with Aislynn. I know we're not supposed to tell anyone until we are past twelve weeks but you guys saved our marriage. This little guy, or girl, wouldn't exist without you."

The anniversary party was due to start any minute and Jennifer was nervous, more nervous than she had ever been before. Sure, she had sung in a few charity shows but that was always with someone else singing with her, and they were always amateurs like herself. This was her, all alone with a professio76`nal musician. And worst of all was that she couldn't let any of it show. She couldn't tell Jonathan that the butterflies in her stomach had been eaten by a herd of angry tyrannosaurs because she couldn't tell him why she was nervous. She only hoped she would be able to get through it once she was standing in front of him. His nearness gave her strength.

"Can I have everyone's attention please?" She tapped her wedding ring against the crystal champagne flute in her hand. The hundred or so friends milling about her living room turned to look at her next to the piano. "Jonathan, Darling, I know how much you love music so I have arranged some special entertainment for this evening. Happy anniversary, Darling. Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce Jim Brickman. The applause swelled as the pianist entered the room and took his place at Jonathan's piano. He winked at Jennifer and she took a deep breath as he played the opening bars of the song she had chosen. She looked only at Jonathan and began to sing.

"If there were no words, no way to speak

I would still hear you

If there were no tears, no way to feel inside

I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine

Even if romance ran out of rhyme

You would still have my heart

Until the end of time

You're all I need, my love, my valentine

All of my life I have been waiting for

All you've given me

You've opened my eyes

And taught me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before

And in my dreams I couldn't love you more

I will give you my heart

Until the end of time

You're all I need my love, my valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine

Even if romance ran out of rhyme

You would still have my heart

Until the end of time

'Cause all I need is you

My Valentine

You're all I need, my love,

My Valentine"

She finished singing still looking at Jonathan. When she had started his eyes widened in surprise. He had assumed the private concert was his gift. When he realized his real gift was Jennifer singing for him, he was both stunned and incredibly touched. He loved to hear her sing but she didn't often let people hear her unless it was for charity. He knew how much it took for her to stand up in front of all of their friends and sing without stopping. He held her close and kissed her long and slow as the applause gradually died down.

"Thank you, Darling." He whispered just for her. "I will treasure the memory of this always"

"I'll sing for you again soon. Cross my heart." She made the childish gesture of drawing an X over her left breast.

"Pinky swear?" He teased her, holding up his fist.

"Pinky swear." She answered him, a radiant smile on her face as she raised her own fist and hooked her pinky around his. Instead of releasing her pinky he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her little finger where it was joined to his.

That makes it a solemn vow." He told her with semi-mocking seriousness. "You can't back out now or you'll break out in hives and all of your hair will fall out."

"Will you still love me if all my hair falls out and I'm covered with ugly hives?" She teased him back.

"I will love you to my last breath. Everyone gets one perfect love in their life and you are mine. Even if you ever left me, I would go to my grave with your name on my lips." He spoke seriously but then a smile broke across his face. "Cross my heart." He copied her X shape over his heart then kissed her as if the hundred guests didn't exist and they were alone in the house. Fortunately, their friends were all used to the Harts frequent, spontaneous displays of affection and they simply went back to chatting amongst themselves or listening to the amazing skill Jim Brickman brought to Jonathan's old piano.

Chapter Four

"Darling, I can't face cleaning this up. Let's just sell the house." Jennifer had removed her dainty satin sandals but still looked stunning in her liquid metal gown of pale rose gold that set her hair aflame. Jonathan didn't speak but only knelt on the floor in front of her spot on the sofa taking each foot in turn and massaging it tenderly. As he manipulated her left foot the dress fell on either side of her thigh, the high slit revealing her long dancer's legs that he loved so much.

He dropped his head to kiss her instep, her ankle, her shapely calf. Every brush of his lips brought him higher along her leg. He kissed all the way to the top of the slit in the fragile fabric and then he kissed along the scrollwork of tiny glass beads so perfectly matched to the metallic shimmer of the fabric that they were almost invisible until she moved. Then the beads caught the light to reveal an undulating pattern of swirls and arcs.

The silk organza lining slid over her skin with the lightest sibilant whisper despite the weight of the beading. He seemed to have a specific destination in mind as his lips traced a path up her body, not distracted by even his usual playgrounds. His body covered hers as he moved. Up the delicate, beaded bodice and the expanse of soft skin it didn't cover. Along her collarbone where she waited to feel the thin straps of her gown slip off of her shoulders. But he didn't touch them. Instead, he kept moving, up her throat and along her jaw, all the way to her ear.

"Dance with me." The low growl in his voice was half arousal, half command and she was helpless to resist after the long, slow seduction of his kisses. Standing, he held out his hand to lift her to her feet and touched the small remote that activated the sound system. She heard her own voice coming from the concealed speakers and she looked at him in wonder, the question plain in her eyes.

"Jim set it up during his soundcheck. He said he thought I should have more than just the memories of this night. He didn't tell you he was recording?" Jennifer just shook her head. She couldn't decide if she was embarrassed listening to herself, or proud that she had done it. Probably a little of both.

She and Jonathan were both competent dancers, they loved dancing together and had years of practicing on every available dance floor or just twirling around the living room, they could foxtrot and swing with the best of them. But tonight they just held each other, swaying softly in time with the beautiful song Jennifer was singing on the stereo. Jonathan clicked the button that activated the upstairs speakers in their bedroom and they danced their way up the staircase arm in arm.

Clothes seemed to melt away piece by piece as they danced to Jim's beautiful piano playing before they went to bed and made love accompanied by Jennifer singing her devotion to him again.

"I want you to sing for me every anniversary." He told her, feeling the exquisite friction as he seated himself inside the furnace of her body. A sigh escaped her lips with the slow press of him filling her. Their dance went on long into the hot, August night.

The sun was high in the cloudless sky when Max brought up their breakfast tray just as the phone rang on the bedside table. There was an awkward moment as Max was right in the middle of handing off the heavy bedtable and both he and Jonathan had their hands full getting it placed and steady but eventually they got it sorted out.

"Jonathan, it's Abe. I think I have a lead on those emails. It wasn't easy to sneak through the Chinese government's firewalls. Let me tell you, Area 51 has got nothing on these guys when it comes to secrecy. I've traced them back as far as Huawei Technologies but I haven't isolated which computer yet. When I do, I have a worm program I can insert that will isolate and destroy any emails or photos that correspond to specific keywords. I can't stop it if it's already been disseminated but if it's only been sent to Jensen we might be able to contain it."

"Thanks, Abe. Let me know if you get more." Jonathan hung up the phone. "I'm sorry, Darling. I told Abe to use my private phone because I didn't want the Bryant's personal issues going through the company phones, just in case." He sat back and accepted the bite of pancake she offered him.

Max had the best fluffy pancakes, He once told Jennifer that the secret was seltzer water in the batter but she had never been able to duplicate the height and flavor he could produce. She loaded another bite onto her fork then speared a piece of strawberry and savored the mouthful. She didn't know where Max found fresh strawberries so late in the summer but they were perfect, just tart enough to balance the sweetness of the maple syrup and powdered sugar.

"Is there anything better than Max's pancakes in bed on Sunday morning?" She asked him, prepping another bite.

"I can think of one thing." Jonathan leered comically at her over the tray and she laughed happily.

"Jonathan, not before the crossword." His laughter joined hers as he handed over the Arts & Leisure section of the paper. "Just don't take too long."

September dawned smokey in Mandeville Canyon. The wildfires that plagued Southern California every year had come quite close, at one point flames were visible over Canyonback Ridge. The Harts had evacuated to the Bel-Air Hotel for a few worrisome days but fortunately, the smokejumpers did an amazing job of turning back the fire and they were able to go home again to nothing worse than a few singed trees.

On the morning of the Fall Equinox Jennifer blinked sleepily awake to find Jonathan gazing at her. He was propped on one elbow watching her sleep and he reached across the small space between them to lift a stray curl away from her eyes.

"You're staring at me."

"I'm looking at you. I like looking at you."

"When I'm asleep?"

"Always. Look over there." He jerked his chin towards the corner and she spotted a large flat parcel wrapped in silver paper that was printed all over with 'Happy Anniversary'.

"What is this for? You already gave me my anniversary gift. And I love it." She said, touching the gold and diamond heart on a gold chain so fine and delicate that it was almost invisible against her skin.

"Oh. Well, that one must be for next year then. Never mind. What do you suppose Max is making for breakfast."

"Jonathan, that's not fair. You know I love surprises."

"Then how about if we call this an addendum to your anniversary gift then." He grinned as Jennifer scrambled out of bed.

"What is it?"

"A new car." He answered dryly.

"It's not very heavy." She tore the paper to reveal a square canvas painted with a stylized red heart against a field of sky blue crossing the square was a pink line that looped to spell out 'Valentine' across the heart.

"I had it commissioned after your beautiful song." He explained amid her kisses.

"I'm going to hang it in my office. Right next to my desk where I can see it every day. Thank you, Darling. I love it."

"You just remember your promise to sing for me every year."

"Cross my heart."

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