#this little mock sequel is honestly just an excuse for me to play around with the other characters in this show and it’s obvious

[enidtendo64]

Diner at the end of the Falls; Guess who’s back back again

[blackstarising]

coming back to this post i made again to elaborate - especially as the ted lasso fandom is discussing sam/rebecca and fandom racism in general. there are takes that are important to make that i had failed to previously, but there's also a growing amount of takes that i have to, As A Black Person™, respectfully disagree with.

tl;dr for the essay below sam being infantilized and the sam/rebecca relationship are not the same issue and discussing the former one doesn't mean excusing the latter. and we've reached the glen of the Dark Forest where we sit down and talk about fandom racism.

i should have elaborated this in my last post about sam/rebecca, but i didn't. i'll say it now - i personally don't support sam and rebecca getting together for real. i believe what people are saying is entirely correct, even though sam is an adult legally, he and rebecca are, at the very least, two wildly different stages of life. for americans, he's at the equivalent of being a junior in college. there are things he hasn't gotten the chance to experience and there are areas he needs to grow in. when i was younger, i didn't understand the significance of these age gaps, i just thought it would be fine if it was legal, but as someone who is now a little older than sam in universe, i understand fully. we can't downplay this. whether or not you think sam works for rebecca or not, even despite the gender inversion of the Older Man Younger Woman trope, whether or not he is a legal adult, i don't think at this point in time, their relationship would work. i think it's an interesting narrative device, but i don't want to see it play out in reality.

that being said!

what's worrying me is that two discussions are being conflated here that shouldn't be. sam having agency and being a little more grown™ than he's perceived to be does not suddenly make his relationship with rebecca justified. i had decided to bring it up because sam was being brought into the spotlight again and i was starting to realizing that his infantilization was more common than i felt comfortable with.

sam's infantilization (and i will continue to call it that), is a microaggression. it's is in the range of microaggressions that i would categorize as 'fandom overcompensation'. we have a prominent character of color that exhibits traits that aren't stereotypical, and we don't want to appear racist or stereotypical, so we lean hard in the other direction. they're not aggressive, they're a Sweet Baby, they're not world weary, they're now a little naive. they're not cold and distant, they're so nice and sweet that there's no one that wouldn't want approach them, and yeah, on their face, these new traits are a departure and, on their face, they seem they look really good.

but at a certain point, it reaches an inflection point, and, like the aftertaste of a diet coke, that alleged sweetness veers into something a lot less sweet. it veers into a lack of agency for the character. it veers into an innocence that appears to indicate that the person can't even take care of themselves. it veers into a one-dimensional characterization that doesn't allow for any depth or negative emotion.

it's not kind anymore. it's not a nice departure from negative stereotypes. it's not compensating for anything.

it's patronizing.

it is important that we emphasize that characters of color are more than the toxic stereotypes we lay on them, yes, but we make a mistake in thinking that the solution is overcorrection. for one thing, people of color can usually tell. don't get it twisted, it's actually pretty obvious. for another, it just shifts from one dimension to another. people of color are still supposed to be Only One Character Trait while white people can contain multitudes. ted, who is pretty much as pollyanna as they come, can be at once innocent and naive and deep and troubled and funny and scared. jamie can be a prick and sexy and also lonely and also a victim of abuse. sam, however, even though he was bullied (by jamie, no less), is thousands of miles away from home, and has led a protest on his team, is usually just characterized as human sunshine with much less acknowledgement of any other traits beyond that.

and that's why i cringe when fandom calls sam a Sweet Baby Boy without any sense of irony. is that all we're taking away? after all this time? even for a comedy, sam has received a substantive of screen time over two whole seasons, and we've seen a range of emotions from him. so as a black person it's hurtful that it's boiled down to Sweet Baby Boy.

that's the problem. we need to subvert stereotypes, but more importantly, we need to understand that people of color are not props, or pieces of cardboard for their white counterparts. they are full and actualized and have agency in their own right and they can have other emotions than Angry and Mean or Sweet and Bubbly without any nuance between the two. i think the show actually does a relatively good job of giving sam depth (relatively, always room for improvement, mind you), especially holding it in tension with his youth, but the fandom, i worry, does not.

it's the same reason why finn from star wars started out as the next male protagonist in the sequel trilogy but by the third movie was just running around yelling for REY!! it's the same reason why when people make Phase 4 Is the Phase For Therapy gifsets for the mcu and show wanda maximoff, loki, and bucky barnes crying and being sad but purposefully exclude sam wilson who had an entire show to tell us how difficult his life is, because people find out if pee oh sees are also complex, they'll tell the church.

and the reason why i picked up on this very early on is because i am an organic, certified fresh, 100% homegrown, non-gmo, a little ashy, indigenous sub saharan African black person. the ghanaian tribes i'm descended from have told me so, my black ass parents have told me so, and the nurses at the hospital in [insert asian country here] that started freaking out about how curly my hair was as my mother was mid pushing me out told me so!

and this stuff has real life implications. listen: being patronized as a black person sucks. do you know how many times i was patted on the back for doing quite honestly, the bare minimum in school? do you know how many times i was told how 'well spoken' or 'eloquent' i was because i just happen to have a white accent or use three syllable words? do you know how many times i've been cooed over by white women who couldn't get over how sweet i was just because i wasn't confrontational or rude like they wrongly expected me to be?

that's why they're called microaggressions. it's not a cross on your lawn or having the n-word spat in your face, but it cuts you down little by little until you're completely drained.

so that's the nuance. that's the subversion. the overcompensation is not a good thing. and people of color (and i suspect, even white people) have picked up on, in general, the different ways fandom treats sam and dani and even nate. what all of these discussions are converging on is fandom racism, which is not the diet form of racism, but another place for racism to reveal itself. and yeah, it's uncomfortable. it can seem out of left field. you may want to defend yourself. you may want to explain it away. but let me tap the sign on the proverbial bus:

if you are a white person, or a person of color who is not part of that racial group, even, you do not get to decide what is not racist for someone. full stop. there are no exceptions. there is no exit clause for you. there is no 'but, actually-'. that right wasn't even yours to cede or waive.

(it's also important to note that people of color also have the right to disagree on whether something is racist, but that doesn't necessarily negate the racism - it just means there's more to discuss and they can still leave with different interpretations)

people don't just whip out accusations of racism like a blue eyes white dragon in a yu-gi-oh duel. it's not fun for us. it's not something we like to do to muzzle people we don't want to engage with. and we're not concerned with making someone feel bad or ashamed. we're exposing something painful that we have to live with and, even worse, process literally everything we experience through. we can't turn it off. we can't be 'less sensitive' or 'less nitpicky'. we are literally the primary resources, we are the proverbial wikipedia articles with 3,000 sources when it comes to racism. who else would know more than us?

what 2020 has shown us very clearly is that racism is systemic. it's not always a bunch of Evil White Men rubbing their hands together in a dark room wondering how they're going to use the 'n-word' today. it's systemic. it's the way you call that one neighborhood 'sketchy'. it's how you use 'ratchet' and 'ghetto' when describing something bad. it's how you implicitly the assume the intelligence of your friend of color. it's the way you turned up your nose and your friend's food and bullied them for it in middle school but go to restaurants run by white people who have 'uplifted' it with inauthentic ingredients. it's telling someone how Well Spoken and Eloquent they are even though you've both gone to the same schools and work at the same workplace. it's the way you look down at some people of color for having a different body type than you because they've been redlined to neighborhoods where certain foods and resources are inaccessible, and yet mock up the racial features that appeal to you either through makeup or plastic surgery.

it's how when a person of color behaves badly, they're irredeemable, but a white person performing the same act or something similar is 'having a bad day' or 'isn't normally like this' or 'has room to grow' and we can't 'wait for their redemption arc', and yes, i'm not going to cover it in detail in this post but yes this is very much about nate. other people have also brought up the nuances in his arc and compared them to other white characters so i won't do it here.

these behaviors and reactions aren't planned. they aren't orchestrated. they're quite literally unconscious because they've been lovingly baked into western society for centuries. you can't wake up and be rid of it. whether you intended it or not, it can still be racist.

and it's actually quite hurtful and unfair to imply that concerns about racism in the TL fandom are unfounded or lacking any depth or simply meant to be sensational because you simply don't agree with it. i wish it was different, but it doesn't work that way. i'm not raising this up to 'call out' or shame people, but i'm adding to this discussion because, through how we talk about sam, and even dani and nate, i'm yet again seeing a pattern that has shortchanged people of color and made them feel unwelcome in fandom for far too long.

coach beard said it best: we need to do better.

[marvelouspeterparker]

webbed down [2]

pairing: dom!peter parker x reader

summary: the morning after webbed down

notes: the long awaited sequel (literally over a year) is finally here!!! i hope it doesn’t disappoint––

give me feedback! please :)

so peter was never one to back off on his word

and you knew that of course,

but today you would really know that 

so you woke up in the morning to pee and somehow managed to wobble your way over to the bathroom while peter was still asleep

you had a feeling that it was going to be a long day since peter said he wasn’t going to go easy on you today so while you were in there you brushed your teeth and washed your face

then you slipped into the kitchen and drank some water and got a quick breakfast before making your way back into bed for a quick nap 

(you were tired, what can you say)

as soon as your head hit the pillow, you were basically out 

it wasn’t until around noon that you woke up again

you heard a slight buzzing noise that made you stir a little bit in your sleep

then you felt a buzzing make it’s way up your thighs slowly

you opened your eyes to find peter in between your thighs, his dark eyes gazing over your naked body with a smirk on his lips

“oh good, you’re awake.” he said nonchalantly

“i was starting to get impatient––”

he had one hand on your inner thigh, stroking it deceivingly soft as he moved your vibrator closer to between your thighs

you subconsciously tried to shut your legs closed and couldn’t

realizing that both your legs were webbed to either side of the bed

then, glancing up, you noticed your hands were webbed up as well

you looked back to peter and his smirk only deepened

“these are my new webs i just made, baby.”

you waited for him to tell you the catch

“let’s just say you’re gonna be tied down for a good while––longer than usual”

he finally pressed the vibe to your clit, but not enough for it to feel as good as it could

he ran it through your folds, up and down, only letting it lightly graze your clit until your hips began chasing his hand 

and you could tell he was getting hard at the sight of you

(he was wearing the grey sweats that you loved on him and that alone was a tell that he felt like being a huge tease today)

he always loved seeing your body submit to him, so much that you could barely control your movements

peter told you his plans for the day and just the thought of them had you squirming already

well as much as you could in the restraints anyway

“i’m gonna leave you all tied up here today, pretty girl.”

“gonna go run some errands, stock up on some food since i know you’ll need lots of it when i’m done with you.”

“then ned’s gonna come over and we’re gonna hangout for a few  hours while you’re in here,”

“quiet,” he looked at you sternly, pressing the vibe directly onto your clit, making you yelp before he resumed his original teasing pace

“cumming over and over, as much as you want.”

you gasped and he laughed, “oh did you think i was gonna edge you today, princess? no today we’re gonna overstimulate that little clit of yours until you’re crying, shaking and begging me to stop.”

he leaned over you, his breath hitting your lips as he looked into your eyes, his hand still moving the toy between your legs

“so you gonna be a good girl for me today?” he asked, his queens accent prominent as ever

you nodded, swallowing thickly as you looked into his piercing stare

“promise”

he locked your lips with his, intending for it to be a quick peck but once he got a taste of you, he could never get enough

plus, he would be leaving you here all day so he decided he had to make it count

he laughed when he saw you craning your neck for more and grinned, leaning down to bite your lip before pulling away completely

he moved so he was back between your legs and you jolted when you felt the vibrations directly on your clit again

he pulled a web cartridge out of nowhere and webbed the toy to you somehow so it managed to stay directly on your most sensitive part

with a kiss to your thigh, he got off of the bed 

he made sure to ask your color to see if you were okay with all this

when you responded green through a small whimper, he grinned, winking as he walked out of the room 

“i’d say see you soon,” he bit his lip looking at your pussy clenching under the vibe, “but that’s a lie.”

and with that he shut the door

you don’t know how long peter was gone but you were sure he was taking as much time as he possibly could

you honestly lost track of how many times you came 

since you were alone you could have been as loud as you pleased, but you didn’t want the neighbors to complain, especially since you weren’t exactly able to get out of bed if they knocked on your door––

so you were biting your lip and trying your best to muffle your moans, knowing that when peter came back with ned, you’d have to be quiet anyway

and honestly that made you even hornier

by the time he came back, it was late in the afternoon and the sun was setting

and he didn’t come to you immediately

no, he made you wait even longer

he knew you were just aching for him to see you, to touch you and kiss you

which is why he took his time

well that and, he was also playing video games

ned was going off on one of his many tangents when you let out a particularly loud whine

luckily, ned didn’t notice

but peter did

he subtly turned up the volume on the tv before excusing himself 

you faintly heard him say something about how you weren’t feeling well and how he had to check up on you real quick

he made his way into the room, shutting the door so ned couldn’t peak inside in case he got curious

as soon as he saw you, his gaze darkened

you could practically feel his eyes heating your skin as he scanned your body up and down

your lips were plump from all the bites you’d been giving them all day

your chest was shining in the light, a sheen layer of sweat coating your skin

your nipples pebbled, straining for attention

and you were dripping

he took his time admiring you as he slowly walked to the end of the bed

he took a seat between your legs and you couldn’t help but moan when you felt his hands rub up and down your thighs 

he waited a moment before reaching over and turning off the vibrator

you weren’t sure if you were relieved or if you wanted more but you didn’t have much time to think about it before peter moved the toy out of the way, wrapped his lips around your clit, and sucked hard

you jolted and couldn’t help but let a particularly loud moan of his name out

though he groaned at the sound of you and couldn’t help but grin into your heat, he scolded you teasingly, his voice like velvet

“bad girl“

he pulled away and smacked your pussy, making you whimper, your back arching

“don’t want ned to hear, do we?”

he raised a brow and you shook your head in agreement, letting out a quiet “no”

“had to turn up the volume since you were so loud,” he tutted, shaking his head in mock disapproval

he dissolved the webs holding the vibe and threw it aside before lying down and burying his face in you

you almost screamed but you bit your lip, not wanting to scar ned for life

and even though ned was right outside, peter was not holding back one bit

he put one hand on your stomach, holding you down as he licked up your wetness, spreading it all over your pussy

“so fucking wet, princess.”

“m’sure you don’t even know how many times you came––”

“i’d say at least 20 with how long i left you here.”

“you’re practically dripping onto the sheets, fuck––”

you were so sensitive and so so wet, you felt like you were going to burst out of your skin, you felt like you were on fire but you’d never felt better in your life

peter slid two fingers inside you and you mewled when he sucked on your clit while scissoring his digits inside of you

he quickly found that spot inside of you that made you melt and you let out a quiet but desperate string of curses

“shit pete, oh my god! fuck––”

you were so so close and you were about to tip over the edge when you heard ned speak up

“dude i finally beat the level!” 

peter lifted his head and looked up at you, his mouth slick with your wetness, fingers still pressing against your spot 

“dude no way! i’ll be right out, just helping my girl for a second.”

it was honestly impressive how peter could switch the tone of his voice so quickly 

“no problem! also it sucks that you’re sick y/n. i hope you feel better!”

you cleared your throat and shut your eyes tightly, about to answer when you felt peter’s tongue back on your clit, his fingers going faster than ever as they repeatedly hit your spot over and over

your eyes shot open and you looked down, eyes wide, to see peter looking right at you, a smirk on his face

“well don’t be rude, princess. answer him.” he commanded before wrapping his lips around your clit again, coaxing you to the edge

“th––thanks ned!” there were tears in your eyes and your voice cracked as you replied to him but you couldn’t find it in you to be embarrassed when you were so close to cumming

peter slid his hand up to your breasts and pinched your nipple hard just as he slipped a third finger inside of you and you came without warning, your eyes rolling back as your whole body tensed, your mouth dropping open to let out a silent moan

it felt like your soul was leaving your fucking body 

“such a good girl for me” peter said, licking up your juices 

the noises your pussy was making were borderline obscene but you couldn’t control it

you shut your eyes, taking deep breaths as you felt peter get off of the bed

it was a couple of minutes later when you heard him moving something 

you open your eyes and he’s setting up a “fucking machine”

he placed it on the bed and turned it on,

setting it on the slowest setting so that he could make sure it’s positioned properly

and as soon as the dildo slid into you, you let out a broken moan

“oh my god––”

peter could feel himself swelling in his sweats and how he was going to hide that from ned, was beyond you

you and him both knew that this was going to be torture since you couldn’t cum from that alone 

but peter was more than ready to have his fun with you 

and just when you thought things couldn’t get any “worse”, he pulled out a remote

he was going to fuck you from the other room

he smirked as he watched the realization set in on your face

“i’ll be right outside, princess.” 

he leaned down to kiss your clit and you couldn’t help the moan that you let out

his eyes turned a shade darker,

“i’d say scream if you need me...” he paused, glancing over your body, “but if i hear anything from you while i’m outside,” he turned up the speed on the machine and your eyes widened, your mouth dropping open only for you to quickly bite it closed, “this stops.” 

with that he walked out of the room, slipping the remote into his pocket

you could already hear him joking around with ned, shouting excitedly and laughing but it soon drowned out as he the speed picked up on the machine

you were slipping further into your headspace––you’d been slipping all day, but now that peter was here when you really needed him and he wasn’t touching you, that’s what pushed you further

you were so fucking sensitive

peter kept alternating the speed and it felt so good,

but it wasn’t enough to make you cum

you felt the bubble in the pit of your stomach expanding wider and wider but it just wasn’t enough for it to burst

you felt so drained that you couldn’t even scream if you wanted to

the sun was completely gone by the time ned had left and it seemed that peter did every other possible thing he could have done before coming to you

you weren’t even sure when peter actually stepped into the room

you were so far gone that when you shut your eyes it felt like you slipped into another dimension 

but as soon as you heard him speak up, your senses went into overdrive and you were completely aware of him and where he was

you just needed him to touch you

“look at you, princess...” he clicked on the highest speed, the remote still in his pocket and you let out a long whine. “all fucked out for me and i haven’t even fucked you yet.”

he picked up the vibrator, set it on the highest vibration and pressed it directly to your clit

you let out a gasp and your legs weakly strained against the webs as you came

the sight of you struggling through your pleasure only made peter want you even more

without even letting you settle down from your high, peter put the vibe on the bed, dissolved the webs on your legs and hastily threw the fucking machine aside

(you were honestly surprised it didn’t break)

he practically ripped his sweats off and positioned himself between your legs

you were honestly out of breath but once peter slid into you all at once, his thumb immediately finding your clit with no warning, he managed to knock what little breath you had left out of you

he started deep and hard, letting you feel every inch of him as he slammed into you over and over

“had me. so. hard. all. day.” he said between thrusts.

“you know that?” he asked rhetorically, not even letting you think of a response

“unlike you, cumming in here as much as you pleased, i was out there leaking in my fucking boxers at the thought of you.”

you regained strength of your legs and wrapped them around his waist, pulling him into you and he laughed breathlessly

“you got to cum all. damn. day.”

“what do we say, angel?”

when you struggled to respond, he stopped, his cock buried all the way inside of you, throbbing as your pussy clenched around him

“what do we say?” he repeated himself, moving so that he was leaning over you menacingly, his breath hitting your lips

you whined loudly before looking into his eyes that were the darkest you’d ever seen them, 

“th––thank you, sir.”

he grinned, moving so his lips were by your ear, before whispering “good girl.”

with that he picked up his pace and began thrusting at a pace that was almost inhumane

your mouth dropped open, your body aching to scream, but all that came out was a weak gasp

peter slid a hand down and raised one of your legs, opening you wider and you groaned at how the change in position felt

he growled, leaning into you to kiss and suck at your neck

he felt himself getting close but he didn’t want to cum yet so he pulled out, ignoring your whines

the webs on your hands were loosened up by now so peter ripped them off of you and your eyes were quick to find his

you looked so innocent but the wet spot between your legs on the sheets and the smell of the room said otherwise

“can i please touch you?”

he smiled before flipping over so you were on your hands and knees and you pouted, your face hidden in the sheets

but it was soon replaced with a smile as peter grabbed your arms, twisting them behind your back so he could interlace his fingers with yours

you sighed contently and he laughed, leaning over to kiss your shoulder before asking

“you ready?”

you responded a quiet “always”

and he replied “so good for me” before sliding his cock into you and slapping your ass

he went fast and hard and with each thrust you let out a small moan

he felt himself getting closer and closer before he knew it

he was so overwhelmed by you he couldn’t even think straight anymore

deciding he wanted to see you while he made you both cum, he flipped you over again, his cock still snug inside of you

you gasped for what felt like the tenth time that day/night 

peter kept thrusting into you, leaning forward so he could kiss you

you moaned and melted into the kiss, finally getting what you ached for all day 

you dug your fingers into his hair, pulling just the way he liked, making him groan into your mouth as he brought a hand up to pull you closer to him

your smiled cheekily, your tongues still rolling together, barely noticing when his hand slipped away

but you soon dropped away from the kiss when you felt the vibrator back on your clit at the highest level

peter started thrusting faster you moaned breathlessly, your eyes fluttering shut as your back arched

“want you to cum one more time on my cock so i can fill you up...can you do that for me, baby?”

you nodded, tears pooling and rolling down your cheeks “y––yes...”

peter held out as long as he could, still pounding into you and as soon as your legs tightened around him, he knew you were about to cum

he just didn’t know how hard

you finally let out that scream that had been inching it’s way out of your throat all day, seeing white as you came all over peter, your legs shaking

he groaned, releasing his load inside of you “holy shit baby, fuck that’s it––”

he turned off the vibe and threw it aside, thrusting inside of you a few times until your hands came down to push him weakly

“no please please––”

he grabbed your hands and kissed your palms, soothing you

“it’s okay baby, you’re okay. we’re done.”

he slowly pulled out of you and watched his cum slowly make it’s way out of your used hole

“god you’re perfect...”

normally he would bury his face between your thighs to clean you up but he didn’t want to hurt you so he let you be

he kissed your forehead before lying down next to you, pulling you over to him to rest your head on his chest

the both of you were panting hard as peter’s hands caressed your body, coaxing you back to him

“you did so so good for me, princess.”

you took some time to respond, still in shock from your orgasms

“yeah?”

“of course,” he kissed your cheek, “always so good for me. my best girl.” 

it was a while before he spoke up again, wanting you to fully be able to process his words since you were a little out of it

“gonna clean you up soon, take a warm bath.”

you sighed, happy with those plans

“then i got you takeout from your favorite restaurant, which we’ll eat after you’re nice and clean.”

you leaned up to kiss him on the lips, “thank you baby.” 

he smiled when you pulled away, looking at you fondly, wondering how he got so lucky. “anything for my best girl.”

[tiaragqueen]

Can I have 5 in manipulative yandere starter prompts for garou :>

Over A Barrel

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Garou x Reader

✂ Word Count: 1,3k

✂ Trigger Warning: Killing, stalking, mention of domestic violence, possessive behavior, yandere theme.

[Edited]

***

For those who want the sequel of At Variance, here it is.

5. “Don’t think of it as a ‘punishment’… it’s more of a lesson.”

Part 1

If you like my writing, please support me on ko-fi!

“Because to take away a man’s freedom of choice, even his freedom to make the wrong choice, is to manipulate him as though he were a puppet and not a person.”  ― Madeline L'Engle

It has been a few weeks ever since Garou’s little… tantrum. For those who have witnessedthe little spat, they might consider it as more than just a mere tantrum. Afterall, it was bordering on violence. And just a bit more, it could cross the domestic abuse territory.

Honestly, you couldn’t blame them for thinking that way.

Garou was never hesitant to throw hands when needed. Or inyour case, asserting his dominance.But it wasn’t so much of a tantrum, in your opinion. If he did mean to hurtyou, he could’ve done that easily and quickly. Your strength was nothing compared to his, and the splitcoffee table in your living room proved the largedifference between both powers.

And ever since that fateful day too, Garou had sort of‘stayed’ with you. Probably to keep an eye on you or something. As assured ashe could be, he still wouldn’t want you to suddenly change your mind despitethe subtle threat and leave him. Itwas almost funny how hard he tried tocover his paranoia with sneers and lies when you knew better.

Not only that, but you also noticed that he had begun tofill you in more regarding his recent battle. Normally, he would sulk aroundwhen the enemies were nothing like he’d expected or kept quiet to refrainhimself from accidentally lashing out to you. He might not exercise highself-control, but even he could be rather considerateof your feelings. Now, he had made it a point to brag about how they were too‘weak’ for him to handle regardless of his fluctuating level of satisfaction.

It didn’t take a genius to know that he was trying to implyhis power over you, or how he wasmore than capable of killing fellowhumans should you ever resort to a more ‘violent’ payback. It wasn’t like youcould do it, anyway. And he knew it,too. Yet, despite his annoying bragging, he also had a strange tendency toleave those heroes alive afterbeating relentlessly rather than dead like you’d expected to.

Not that you prayedfor it to happen, though. It was just something that you automatically assumedsince he seemed so… passionate whentalking about his ideals.

You sat on your knees, staring at the bloody carcass infront of you. From afar, it might look like you were mourning its death. Butyou knew better than taking pity on a being that almost killed you on the spot.It was just a way for you to prolong the thick silence since running wasn’t theoption anymore. Not when you had blown up your only chance of seeking help from the nearby heroes. He could easilydefeat them to the ground, yet you remained optimisticthat someone would come to save you someday.

“What are you doing here?”you hissed. “I thought you went to fight that A-class hero.”

“Oh, trust me I did.”His reverberant voice was calm. Toocalm for your liking. Too calm for someone that should be angry. “I think I should be the one who asked you that. What thefuck are you doing here? Didn’t yehear the announcement earlier? I’m pretty sure yer apartment isn’t sound-proof,unless ye chose to make yourself deafby blasting yer shitty music at full volume again.” 

Fiddling with your fingers, you feigned deafness over hisquestions. Garou heaved a weary sigh, clearly unimpressed with your sorryattempt of maintaining innocence.

“Aren’t ya going to thank me? I saved you, y'know? Without me, ye would’ve been long a goner.”

You gritted your teeth, refusing to give him the attentionhe secretly craved. Garou might notbe the most affectionate boyfriend to ever exist, but even he liked to be takencare of – or in your case, fuss over –once in a while. He was still a human,after all. He wasn’t a completemonster like he’d called himself. What was the point of dating if he rejectedthe idea of loving attention? “I was doing fine.I didn’t need your help.”

“Oh, is that so? ‘Cause ye looked so fucking scared back there. That monster almostturned ya into its damned fodder. I don’t know if ye could survive by justthrowing rocks on to that thing.” Histone took a lighter, mocking one. “Nowonder it laughed at ya. I thought it was quitecute too; how ye struggled around like that.”

Unable to contain the frustration and sadness anymore, youwhipped your head towards him. “Shut up!” you snapped. “Just… shut up, okay?! I know I’m not stronglike you. I know I’m weak. So stopmocking me!”

The howling of the wind followed your outburst. You breathedheavily, staring at his impassive face through your blurry gaze. The tears lefta hot track along your cheeks as you sniffled.

“If ye already know yer weak,” he began, voice soft yetdevoid of any emotion that might give you an insight into his true feelings. Was he angry? Was he sad?Nobody knew. “Then, why did ye insiston escaping?”

Your stomach dropped. Trembling, you averted your gaze fromhis piercing one and looked down. Well, what did you expect? That he would befooled by your pitiful attempt? Thathe would pretend to not see the obvious? That he would go away if you yelled at him? Garou was smart, you knew that much. But, again, optimism forced you to stay hopeful. That someday, someone – anyone – would come into your rescue,even though he had saved you earlier.

“I’m not fucking stupid,[Name].” He blinked emotionlessly, calmly, patiently.As though he was your father and you were his daughter who had made a mistakeand tried to cover it with poor excuses. “I knowwhy ye escaped. But honestly, with all these dangers lurking around, ya thinkye can fucking leave that easily? Ya think ye can live for more than an hourafter ye stepped a foot outside yer apartment?”

Garou jumped down from the ruins of a destroyed house andstood beside you. “I don’t know if yer just plain dumb or what, but you clearly can’t look after yer damn self if youalmost got killed five minutes afteryou escaped.”

You froze, eyes dilated. “You… How did you know? Did youstalk me?” You turned to look at him in the eye, trying to search for any hint that he might be joking. A slighttwitch on the corner of his lips, the laughter that bubbled in his throat, themirthful glint in those sharp irises. Anything.“Did you stalk me, Garou?”

Clicking his tongue, he rolled his eyes. “Why do you thinkyer still alive until now?”

The breath hitched in your throat once the truth dawned onyou. Not that it hadn’t, you just wanted indulge in denial a bit longer. Afterall, playing oblivious was easierthan facing reality.

“You don’t think ye can prance around without my knowledge,do ya?” he scoffed. “How fucking naïve.Thought ye were a bit smarter than that. I’m disappointed.”

“H-how long…?”

“Since I left the dojo, honey.”

The sarcastic pet name left a bitter sensation as you bityour tongue from retorting.

“Saw ya running like a fucking lunatic and met thatmotherfucker on the street. I wanted to see how long you could fare on yer own,but turns out, my hunch was damn correct.”He sighed like he was the one who was tired and not you who had struggled to survive and almost lost your fucking life in theprocess. “But ye know what? Don’tthink of it as a ‘punishment’… it’s more of a lesson.”

You remained immobile as he lifted you effortlessly andcarried you bridal style back to your apartment. It wasn’t like you could runaway, anyway. Not anymore.

“If ye escape again, I might let ‘em cripple you for life soye can’t run away from me anymore.” You winced when he tightened his griparound your injured body. “Yer stuck with me.Remember that.”

[mergaliscious]

How I Decided I'm Trans

When I was a little girl (or so I and everyone else thought), I would do little things like wrap my towel around my waist or wait until my sister was on the toilet so I had an excuse to stand in the bathtub to pee. My family thought it was odd, but no one believed there was any deeper meaning.

In sixth grade, my best friend told me that everyone started out as a "girl" until the "boys'" junk dropped. I was fully aware that he meant in the womb, yet I still hoped that I was the exception; a late bloomer, if you will. I fantasized about waking up one morning with a penis and testes and suddenly being a boy. I, of course, knew that people being accepting of me and understanding that I had changed genders was even less realistic than my genitals forming at age 11, so I fabricated a plan to move across the country and change my entire name, not just my first (which I would probably change either way, and did).

Later that year, or maybe it was the year before, my friend came out to me as bisexual. I was unaware of what the word meant, so I put the meanings of bi and sex together and assumed it had to do with gender. Maybe it meant she was both a girl and a boy? She sure looked like a girl. Perhaps she was mostly a girl on the outside, and mostly a boy on the inside. I told her I was too. I confessed to another best friend in eighth grade how much I'd like to be a man, but how afraid I was to get surgery, because I had seen "those people" mocked on TV throughout my life. At this point, even at 13, I believed I had to get surgery to be a man.

The next summer, I was reading things on Wattpad. I went to the bio of an author I liked, and saw a biography that he had written about his transition. It said something about transgender, whatever that meant, and ftm, whatever that stood for. I read the biography and related to every word, up until he realized that he was a boy. I DMed him and asked some innocent questions that most transgender people (along with other groups) would be extremely offended by. He told me that no, he didn't have both parts. He had female parts and a female body, but on the inside, he was male. He explained more of this gender stuff to me, shared details that weren't in the book. At this point, I started to grasp a hold on who I am. I still didn't understand, though, that I decide on my gender myself and no one else should have a say in it. So I took online quizzes and looked up "symptoms" (yes, I'm cringing too, but I didn't know any better then). I didn't relate to all of the signs, and most quizzes gave me a "Eh, You Might Be." When I took a gender quiz unrelated to sex, it told me I was 56% male and 44% female. It, of course, was talking about stereotypical gender roles, but I took its word as law and decided I was not transgender. Maybe I was just trying to be different. Maybe I didn't relate to my author pal at all. Either way, I wasn't nearly masculine enough to be a man. The next spring, I was on tumblr, which I had recently gotten addicted to, and found a post about LGBT+ identities as mythical creatures. The gender fluid Cerberus was adorable, but what did it mean? I knew what Cerberus meant, Fluffy was a Cerberus, but what was gender fluid? It sounded kind of like transgender. I looked it up, and sure enough, it was a gender identity. Part guy and part gal, eh? Like... 56/44? I decided that I was gender fluid. It made sense. Sometimes I hated my body more than others. Some days I liked my boobs, and some days I found it fun to dress up girly. Those were my "girl days." Other days, when I hated my curves, and how short I was, days when I wished I could pee standing and have sex with my boyfriend the other way, those were my "boy days." I knitted bracelets to signify the days so none of my close friends would call me the wrong thing. I went by she/her pronouns either way, because I didn't want to confuse everyone, but sometimes it just hurt to be called a girl. I had always been uncomfortable with the world "lady," even when I was really little, but at this point other words started to bother me just as much.

That summer, I was in a play. It was a sequel to Peter Pan written by my science teacher at the time. She had two roles she had her eye on for me. Both personalities really reminded her of me. One was a lost boy, but after seeing me audition, she realized I could play the other part, the bigger one, Wendy's adopted son. There were basically four main characters in the show: Jane (Wendy's daughter, my character's adopted sister), Peter Pan obviously, Hook, and me, Damien. The theater was really inclusive. Many of the cast and crew were LGBT+. One of the mermaids was trans, and one of the other main characters who I won't name in case anyone on here knows who I'm talking about. They're so passable that I only knew based on what I was told by one of our crew, who was also trans. Very few people knew about him, either, and he wanted to keep it way, yet for some reason he trusted me enough to tell me during our first conversation (maybe we have like a radar thing where we can tell other trans people even before they're out?). I, in return, told him I was gender fluid. We had a conversation about dysphoria, in which I told him it would be difficult for me to decide what to do, because some days I wanted to be flat chested shirtless and have a penis, but others I wanted my boobs. I never really cared about my vagina, but I couldn't get a penis without getting rid of my chest, which I was convinced I would miss.

During the play, though, people referred to me as my character, even backstage. I had already started going by my middle name, Morgan, because it's gender neutral, but there was something exhilarating about being called by a purely male name, and being called "he," even on my feminine days. I took the play and my male role as an excuse to bind more often. My trans crew member friend gave me one of his binders so I could do it more safely (which is honestly kind of hilarious because even without a binder I was being safer than he was with one). My masculine days increased, and my feminine days became few and far between. Eventually I realized that some sexist asshole on the internet has no right to decide what gender I am, nor does a child psychologist who thinks being transgender is a disease and wants to warn parents before it's too late. I've always kind of molded to what other people wanted me to be, which is why I mistook my less dysphoric times for wanting to remain female. Even though I can only remember those few specific events from my childhood in which I predicted this (well, there was a dream when I was 10, but I'd rather not discuss that right now), I know now that this is who I am.

The moral of the story is it doesn't matter if you're more traditionally masculine or feminine, or how much of the time you have dysphoria or how severe your dysphoria is; you can be whoever you want to be. If you have to go through a few genders to figure it out, that's okay. Also, apparently having people call you by different names and pronouns helps the decision process.

[brothermouzongaming]

Destiny 2: my thoughts, hopes, and fears

When I joined Destiny 1 I was very very excited to see what the house that built Halo would do now that they had moved on. Admittedly I was unprepared for the very different experience Destiny offered. It interested me, the idea of a simultaneous world the gamers would live, cooperate, and compete in. During the opening months, I was pretty into it, running through the gaunt story to really head out into the world and get a taste of that endgame loot I had seen on guardians in the tower. I was, however, bored by December. Not skilled enough to take on the raids or even hang in PvP reliably (”Git Gud” rings out in the background). My boredom wasn’t eased but amplified by releases like Shadow of Mordor, 2k, Dragon Age: Inquisition, and Far Cry 4. Not to mention Bloodborne, which I still haven’t beat yet.  So I look up, a year and change passes and I forget all about Destiny. My adventures in the worlds mentioned above really dragged me away from the quick and frantic bullet hell that is Destiny. As more and more games came I never got around to my Warlock and before I knew it Destiny 2 was on shelves. I had missed out last time, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.

Fuck me right?

Thots

So I played the story, as meaningless as it seemed, it was definitely better than the D1 campaign experience. On I went me and my friends through strikes, crucible matches, lost sectors, public events. We did it all seldom the Leviathan, at that point, I lacked the finer survival skills needed to survive (I’ve completed it 3 times since :D ). The experience felt thin, but this wasn’t new to me because D1 at launch was thin. It did worry me however that this was our second go around; shouldn’t a sequel feel a bit bigger? I’m not talking scale, but the endgame options in games like this, in particular, are critical to success in the eyes of the gamer. Ignoring that voice in my head telling me to put my controller down, I continued. The loot was disappointing but not just disappointing, but clearly, it was a shallow pool, to begin with. I could’ve made an Arthur meme from how many times I got the same gauntlets over and over and over and over again. Even today they’ll come by and say what’s up, mocking me. 

As the weeks went on, something else wasn’t sitting right. These worlds, they were nice, but they lacked reasons for me to come back and explore...wait....where are the collectibles? I had completely forgotten that we used to have little treats of lore and other info waiting for us in hiding. Along with some simple things like jobs, I was wondering what in the hell would cause such a drastic step back. We were officially regressing. I didn’t give in to the voice although it was screaming in falsetto at this point. Curse of Osiris drops and holy shit was I mad. A world space you can barely turn around in it’s so small, a sad excuse for a story expansion, the same loot issues to the point where it was almost unnoticeable, mind-numbingly grindy missions for Vex weapons, ONE FUCKING PUBLIC EVENT, ONE Lost Sector (it’s also by far the smallest in the whole game). 

On top of it all, Bungie had been beating their dicks about as fervently as they possibly could, making sure to hype that DLC at every turn. Destiny 2′s problems really become amplified when you look back and remember just how “excited” the team was and how they genuinely thought players would like the changes they made and the pathetic efforts they attempted at making it better in the form of the CoO dlc. A dlc now requiring another round of “making it better” from Bungie after several debacles. I honestly don’t think they bit off more then they could chew. Does anyone remember the fact that Destiny 1 was supposed to be a 10 year experience that would allow us to carry our character through it? Sure the franchise may have a ten year lifetime but even Mass Effect let you bring over your character. Instead, they literally start all over, new character, none of the old raid/strike/challenge specific loot (and yet old loot in the form of exotics and an arsenal of reskins), Remember when Destiny 2 was going to have “too much content”? I piss my pants laughing every time I think about it. There is quantifiably less content from weapons to their stats, the gear pool is ankle shallow, there are fewer reasons to grind and look for gear/weapons you want. 

I see people on the Bungie forums go back and forth and both sides have a lot of good arguments. Destiny 2 does offer more worlds that are (overall) larger, and definitely more visually impressive. Where it falls flat is what kept players through the first lull in Destiny 1: the solid shooting mechanics, deep intriguing world, the lore and how it was distributed to the player (which could’ve used work imo), and the rpg aspects shown in random stat rolls for gear. This kept the players going beyond the level cap and outside of multiplayer; after they had done the strikes so many times it was almost scary, gotten bored of non-milestone related events, finished the assigned job and whatever the game offered. The hunt for the perfect gun is a hunt the players deemed worthy time and time again. Those are the things they chose to cut, either cause they hate their fanbase (obviously not), or they wanted to appeal to a larger audience. This was the only outcome Bungie should’ve seen coming and for some reason, they seem to be caught out time and time again. 

Slather on that sweet micro-transaction paste and you got yourself a shit cake. As if gutting the deeper gaming mechanics, stopping all grimoire cards and other major means of lore distribution, reskinning a large amount of the arsenal both from Destiny 1 and within itself, and debuffing the player wasn’t enough. A lot of what could’ve been left in the world as far as loot is concerned was locked away behind the cold dead face of Tess, the Eververse employee who handles the in-game purchases both with bright dust and silver (their premium currency players pay to obtain). Eververse would hold some of the best items in the game as far as ghosts, ships, emotes, and sparrows are concerned. Not only that but event-specific items were even locked away with statistically no chance of any player getting most of the items from the said event. Pushing players to spend their money where they can try their hand, not even an honest shot, via the slow machine-eque loot box mechanic. Ah, look, an instance where cosmetic loot boxes can really fuck up a game and what it could be. 

Hoeps

Destiny at its core is good. The universe is wildly enthralling with a mystique that draws you in, it makes you want to find out what the hell is going on. The shooting is sharp and responsive, you feel the grip of the gun in your hand and the kick when the trigger is pulled in a very natural way that emulates the experience well. The guns are intriguing, alien weaponry and future tech are hard to conceptualize but a lot of guns in Destiny will make you go “hmm” with intrigue as you wonder exactly how much ass this gun is going to rip when you get it out on the battlefield. Rat King, Wardcliff Coil, Legend of Acrius, Crimson, Vigilance Wing to name a few. I hope Bungie can find the spark that drove Halo, a franchise that wasn’t perfect but shined because of the painstaking effort put into it. I’m not asking for Halo 2.0 but I am damn sure demanding better of this bring a developer like Bungie.  

Fiirs

I fear Bungie have completely lost their way. These aren’t the people that made Halo, someone came in the night and took what heart they had and locked it away somewhere no one can seem to find it. For a project as ambitious as Destiny is, there is no passion, no drive to actually make the next big franchise. They seem perfectly content to merely talk about it. Halo was nothing but a fps that amazed because of the world and the mechanics. Yes, the multiplayer was a hit but if you ask me that is exactly why it was. I would’ve thought that in the face of what might actually be one of the greatest franchises in Halo, Bungie would be hungrier than ever to prove that it was no fluke. More and more I’m convinced it was just that. Normally I’d blame the publisher especially with Activision’s stink all over this, but some reports insinuate that all this was Bungie’s doing because making game content was “too hard���. A mountain of an achievement they volunteered themselves to climb up. So what do they do to make up for it? Decide to fuck the people that help make them... yeah if you aren’t worried about Bungie I’d love to hear your thoughts because I need some hope.