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captainscanadian · 4 years ago

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Love Me Blue | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Rasleela)

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Summary: Perhaps Bucky Barnes is the Krishna to your Radha.

Word Count: 3800+

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Tamilian!Hindu!Reader, Sam Wilson

Warnings: References to Hinduism, PTSD, Endgame References.

A/N: This is my entry for @bucky-smiles‘s 3K Diversity Writing Challenge! My prompt was to write a fic with a Hindu reader. I decided to write this fic with a Tamilian reader because I am Tamilian. I was born in Sri Lanka and my mother’s side of the family are Hindu. Although I consider myself an agnostic theist, I do enjoy reading the epics of Mahabharata and Ramayana. Pic from Pinterest! <3 Divider by @whimsicalrogers!

The more Bucky Barnes read about Hinduism, the more intrigued he became about how a highly skilled former SHIELD agent had retained her faith even after living through the literal end of the world. After Thanos and the Infinity War, and losing Tony and Natasha, it came as a surprise to him that you still continued to uphold the religious traditions that you were raised with. You could have easily walked away from them, but it was the fact that you chose not to do so that made Bucky realize how strong you were.

From maintaining a strict vegetarian diet to starting your day with the morning chants, the way your daily life was filled with your faith… it was refreshing to see, especially during a time when people were not always that religious. Nowadays when he awoke at dawn, he would hear the usual chants of the Sri Venkateswara Suprabhatam being recited next door, and he could not deny that it gave him the same kind of comfort as it did to you.

Whenever the rest of the team were gone on missions, he often joined you in your living quarters for breakfast, and it was safe to say that he had taken a liking to the hearty South Indian vegetarian meal that he could often expect from you. In a way, he often looked forward to the days when the two of you were alone at the compound. Usually, that included cooking together and talking about your life in India and his time in Wakanda. Other times, you found yourself working out together; you were even sparring partners.

It was no secret that the two of you had been spending quite a lot of time together, and the Avengers were not completely oblivious to the sparks that were flying between you and the super soldier every time you were in the same room. As much as you hated to admit it to yourself, when Wanda pressed on during one of your many girls’ nights, you confessed that you did feel something for Bucky. You had brushed it off as your inner history nerd being fascinated by a man who fought in the Second World War, but you knew better than that. Wanda knew as well; she could read minds, after all.

Sam had also noticed that Bucky had started to come out of his shell ever since you had arrived at the compound, and he could never pass up an opportunity to tease him about it. “So, you’ve been in a good mood lately…” He pointed out to his friend during one workout session.

Bucky knew where Sam was getting at, but a part of him refused to give him the satisfaction of being right. ��It must be the extra sleep I’ve been getting.” He admitted, genuinely.

It was partially true, as his sleep has improved a lot since he had first moved into the compound. Between working together with the compound’s newly hired in-house therapist and spending time with you, it seemed that his nerves had finally calmed down.

“Does Y/N have anything to do with that?” He asked, batting his eyelashes in a rather teasing manner.

This caused the supersoldier to become flushed, and he quickly looked away to hide the sheepish grin on his lips. “Possibly.” He could not lie about how your arrival at the compound had certainly lifted his spirits; in a world where he had assumed that he was on his own, you had been the one to show him that he wasn’t alone and he did not want to be alone again.

Sam knew damn well that you and Bucky were one and the same. Both of you had faced tremendous loss, and had given up on fighting in hopes of finding peace, only to be pulled back into the fight again. He could not deny that the two of you would make a good pair, as different as you were.

When he had asked Bucky if he had any intentions to ask you out, that was when Bucky had even considered asking you out. Not that he worried that you would reject him; he was just unsure that it was the right time. Despite defeating Thanos, the world was still in shock from the blip and it seemed unfair of him that he wanted to move on from that. But he knew better than to let these anxieties get the worst of him. He had seen enough war and suffering; it was time for him to put his happiness before all.

Needless to say, you made him very happy.

He had told Sam of his plan on asking you out, but he wanted to plan the most perfect date for the two of you. He wanted to ask you out when he knew what your first date would be, and so he hoped to find out more about what you wanted when it came to your love life.

It was during one of your many late night chats by the lake when you had found yourself staring up at the starlit sky, your peacock print scarf wrapped over your shoulders as you pulled your knees up to your chest.

Bucky had been pacing back and forth across the gazebo, trying to find the right words to say even though he did not want to be direct. “Hey Y/N, can I ask you something?”

The sound of his voice snapped you out of your thoughts, and you turned over to face him. “If it’s about the Cold War, I can’t answer that.”

This made him chuckle softly, and certainly put his nerves at ease. “Oh? And here I thought that you knew your history.” He teased, as always.

Laughing softly, you stood up from your seat on the bench and walked up to him. “I do know my history, but I’ve got my mind on the present at the moment.” You admitted, honestly.

Who were you kidding? When you first met this man, you did have your mind on history. You were fascinated by the Howling Commando who fought alongside Captain America; he was merely a historical figure to you.

But now in the present, you could not deny that he was much more than that. He was a friend, a companion, someone you had become quite fond of. You did not know how to describe it; but you could not deny that you saw a glimpse of Lord Krishna in his eyes. He sure had the charm, and the mystery, but your own fear of loss had held you back from acting on what you felt for him.

“Speaking of the moment, that brings me back to my question.” He rolled his eyes at you rather playfully. “What’s Rasleela?”

Your eyes grew wide at his question. “Rasleela?”

“I looked up one of the paintings in your apartment.” He responded with a shrug.

Ever since he had spent that night at your apartment, Bucky had been frequently asking you questions about the various paintings and idols of Lord Krishna that you had kept in your living quarters. He had explained that his fascination with your religion had stemmed from the fact that he had lived in Wakanda and had experienced their culture as well; and it had caused him to become curious of all of the traditions that you followed.

Of course, you had no problem sharing with him the context behind the paintings around your home. The story of Radha and Krishna was always close to your heart, and you certainly appreciated being able to share them with someone else. It was no secret that sharing these love stories with Bucky had only contributed to your feelings towards him, but you did not want to get ahead of yourself like that. You were technically his boss, after all.

“Rasleela… well, the literal meaning of it is ‘the dance of divine love’ but that’s quite a mouthful.” You admitted, laughing softly. “The painting I have in my apartment shows Lord Krishna and Radha dancing under the stars, doesn’t it? My grandmother told me that it happens in one night, when Lord Krishna hides in the forest and plays his flute. All the girls in his village get so mesmerized by it… they follow the music into the forest and they go searching for him. When they find him, they dance all night. It’s a celebration of love, really… the dancing.”

“But why are there so many women who danced with him?” He asked. “Why is he dancing with all of them when Radha was the one he loved?”

“Believe it or not, he was quite the playboy.” You replied, your lips curling into a smirk as you crossed your arms against your chest. “He loved Radha the most, but every girl in the village still loved him.”

“So, you have a thing for playboys, huh?”

“I have a thing for Lord Krishna.” You replied in a rather teasing manner. “I mean, I’m devoted to Lord Krishna. But when it comes to my love life… I want someone to love me like Lord Krishna loved Radha.”

As messed up as the world was, this wish of yours had never changed. Ever since you were a little girl in South India listening to your grandmother’s stories, you fell in love with Lord Krishna and the pure love that he held for Radha. This kind of love was unconditional, and undying.

“Would you ever want to have your own Rasleela, Y/N?” Bucky asked you, rather curiously.

“What?”

“Dance all night, under the stars, celebrate love… would you ever want to be a part of something like that?” He asked.

You thought for a moment, wondering if you could ever be a part of something so magical. “I mean, I doubt that I would ever experience something so magical. But if I found someone to be my Krishna, I guess I won’t be opposed to it.” And you meant that.

Frankly, he knew exactly what you meant too.

When you woke up the next morning, it was way past dawn. You had turned on the usual morning chants on your phone, and hooked it up to the speakers. While the chants were playing in the background, you made your way over to the bathroom to clean yourself up and get ready for your prayers. But when you made your way over towards your shrine, you had noticed that the footprints that you had painted from your front door were no longer there.

You hadn’t taken them off, so it made you wonder who would have managed to scrape all of that paint off of the tiles. But when you made your way over to the front door and opened it, you were greeted by a surprise.

It was a box, rectangular and tied with a giant red bow. You looked around the hallway before picking it up, wondering who would have left this as you closed the door behind you. As curious as you were about what was in that box, you did not open it right away. You had to head to work, since Rhodey and Wanda had just returned from a mission.

When you arrived to make yourself some breakfast, the dining area had been rather empty. Most of the team had eaten and left, but the table had been set for one; it had a plate that was covered with a lid and a sticky note with your name on it.

“Well, this morning has been full of surprises, hasn’t it?” You said to yourself as you sat down on the table and removed the lid, seeing a freshly prepared dosa and onion chutney on the plate. “It sure has…”

At that moment, you knew damn well who was responsible for the neatly wrapped box at your door and the South Indian breakfast surprise; other than yourself, there was only one other person here at the compound who knew how to make South Indian food, and he had been acting a little suspicious lately.

You had eaten your breakfast in quiet, constantly paying attention to your surroundings in hopes that Bucky would return to the dining area to ensure that you were eating the meal he had left behind for you. But to your disappointment, he did not show. As a matter of fact, the last time you saw him had been when you had returned to your living quarters following your nightly chat by the lake.

The rest of the day went by as you were swarmed with mission reports and briefings, and the whole time Bucky was nowhere to be found. Not that he had to be a part of them, as he hadn’t been taking part in missions just yet. But it was safe to say that you could not go this long without seeing him.

Of course, you could have asked your team if they had seen Bucky anywhere. If he wasn’t at the compound, you knew that he would have at least told someone where he went. Truth be told, your pride had just gotten in the way of you just blatantly admitting to someone that you were looking for him. You could just picture the look on Sam’s eyes when you asked him where Bucky was.

“Took you long enough.” Sam muttered when you entered his living quarters. “I’ve been expecting you all morning, Y/N.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, crossing your arms as you looked over at him in utter confusion.

“You’re looking for the cyborg, aren’t ya?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I am. I haven’t seen him all day, and he left breakfast for me. I figured that I would ask you where I could find him. Is he okay?”

“He’s fine.” He replied, giving you a reassuring smile. “He’s just hiding from you.”

“Then where is he?” You asked, wondering what was going on with the supersoldier. “What? Why?”

“He left on his Harley at sunrise while I was going on my run. He didn’t tell me where he was headed, just that he needed to stay hidden until nightfall and that you would know where to find him.” He replied with a shrug. “Something about ‘following the music’ or whatever. I had no idea what he meant by that.”

Your cheeks flushed at his words before you shook your head. “God, I should have known that he was up to something when he asked me what he did last night.” You admitted, sighing.

“What did he ask you?”

“Nothing you should know about.” You replied with a wink. “Did he say anything else, by the way?”

“Just that you would know where he is… and that you should just ‘follow the music’ if you didn’t know. Don’t get me wrong, I have no idea what that means. But if you want, I can help you track him down.” He offered. “Honestly. I don’t know what goes on in that cyborg brain of his.”

You wanted to consider Sam’s offer, but you knew that it was best not to. Clearly, Bucky had known that you would find him; it even seemed that he wanted you to. As much as you want to let Sam get involved, and you understood his good heart for offering, you wanted this to be a lot more personal. Besides, Agent Y/L/N was not someone who would back away from a challenge.

“It’s fine, Sam.” You shrugged him off. “If he wants me to go on a wild goose chase, then I guess that’s what I’ll do. It’s not like I have a team of superheroes to oversee or anything like that.”

The Falcon chuckled at that. “I’ve always known that something was up with the two of you.” He admitted, genuinely. Having watched you at your lowest, he wanted nothing more than for you to find happiness, especially with someone like Bucky. “You like him, don’t you?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I do.” You confessed, feeling your cheeks heat up once again. “I mean, I don’t think I know how to keep that a secret. We have been spending a lot of time together lately, and I’m sure people are starting to notice.”

Not that you cared about what anyone might think. Being the supervising officer to the Avengers did not mean that you had to stray away from meeting your personal needs. You had all survived an apocalypse; the least you could do is be happy.

“I know he likes you too, Y/N. He can’t seem to shut up about you, and I hope that everything works out for you.” He grinned as he pulled you into an embrace. “You deserve it.”

You gave him a nod as you hugged him back. “Thanks, Sam. I know that… I’ve been hard on myself ever since… what happened. But I know now that Bucky’s not the bad guy in my story. He never was, and maybe… maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe the bad things in my life are over.”

Sam nodded understandingly, still not letting go of the hug. “Have you told him yet?” He asked, certainly worried about his two close friends.

You shook your head. “No, I haven’t told him. I didn’t know how to. How am I supposed to tell him that I misunderstood him? Or that there was a time when I wanted nothing more than to kill him?”

Looking back at that time only broke your heart, and your eyes glazed over. You knew that Bucky would never judge you if he ever found out about your past, but you could not get yourself to share this with him. You did not know how to.

“You know that wasn’t your fault, Y/N.” He reminded you. “Just like it wasn’t his fault either.”

You nodded. “Yeah, I know that now. But I can’t help but feel guilty sometimes. Bucky’s one of the sweetest, kindest, and gentlest people I’ve ever met. I just feel awful about believing what everyone was saying about him. I should have known better. I should have believed Steve.”

Pulling back from the hug, Sam quickly wiped away your tears. “Y/N, come on… there’s no point in feeling shitty about the past. Bucky likes you. You like Bucky. Just focus on the present for now, okay? You and I both know that Bucky’s the last person who would judge you for what happened, and if he found out about what you’ve been through, I know for a fact that it wouldn’t change anything. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”

“Okay.” You sighed, knowing that he was right. “I should probably go and find him.”

“Yeah, you do that.” He agreed, chuckling softly before leaning over to kiss your forehead. “Be happy, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

When you exited Sam’s living quarters, you headed back to your own. Remembering that the footprints in your living room had been removed, you wondered if it could be Bucky’s doing. You and Bucky had been talking well into the late hours of the night before you decided to head back to your living quarters, and he had walked you back to yours the whole way. You could not remember if Bucky had come inside with you, but he certainly could have come in with you and helped you into bed before he had scraped the footprints off.

But if so, why would he do that?

What did Bucky mean when he had told Sam that you would know where he was? What did he mean by ‘follow the music’? Why did he ask you about Rasleela last night?

You suddenly remembered the box that you had found at your doorstep that morning, and you rushed over to open it. Inside was a dark blue lace dress that was straight out of the 1940s, and a handwritten note from Bucky.

If you would let me be the Krishna to your Radha, I’ll show you how we did ‘Rasleela’ back in my day. -Bucky

Reading the note only made your cheeks heat up once again. You had been expecting him to pull something like this on you since the moment he had even asked you about the meaning of Rasleela in the first place. But you hadn’t expected him to be this fast.

It did not take you long to figure out where he was. After all, Sam had mentioned that Bucky had left the compound pretty early. With his clue to ‘follow the music’ and the message he had left on that note, it was all pretty clear to you.

Being a history major, you had always been fond of how much New York City had changed since the days of the Great Depression. When you had first met Steve Rogers and taken him on a tour around Manhattan, he had mentioned to you of how different it had been back in the day.

You had been the first one to find out about how Peggy had asked him to meet her at the Stork Club for their date, which Steve hadn’t been able to make. Seventy years later, you had offered to take him to the place where the Stork Club used to be.

It was a pocket park now, with the club being demolished and replaced with an artificial waterfall and several benches. You and Steve had sat there for hours, and he had shared with you all the stories about how Bucky would drag him out there to go dancing with some girls he met.

What a playboy he must have been back then?

Before you knew it, you had slipped into the dress that Bucky had given you and were heading towards Paley Park in hopes that you could find him there. As it was a four hour drive from the compound to the heart of Manhattan, you found yourself bringing out one of your favourite toys.

A present from your former mentor and SHIELD Supervising Officer Agent Phil Coulson, Lola was a cherry red 1962 Chevrolet Corvette that was upgraded with some of Howard Stark’s, and then Tony Stark’s technologies. Steve used to tell you that Howard had once promised to create flying cars at one of the Stark Expos, and Lola was the closest thing that came to that; in flight mode, the wheels folded down and there was a hover-capable propulsion system that replaced them.

Knowing of Bucky’s interest in flying cars through Steve, you could only hope that he would be excited to see you arriving in Lola when you pulled up to Paley Park. Frankly, the four hour drive to the city was now cut short, thanks to Lola. Oh how you loved Phil for letting you take his car after him. Even though you were only using her for leisurely purposes, Lola made you feel some kind of power. After all, if you could drive a flying car, you could pretty much do anything else in the world.

#3kdiversity #aj writes #love me blue #rasleela #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x desi!reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff #marvel x reader #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes series #desi au

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gingwrites · 4 years ago

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And they were soulmates - taegi soulmate au

Soulmate au where once you meet your soulmate, you get sick if you’re too far away from your soulmate for too long. Soulmates Yoongi and Taehyung meet, but don’t realize it, and Yoongi, who is part of the group Bangtan, leave for a worldwide tour. The two start to feel sick, but don’t realize the cause. It’s then up to their friends to find out that they’re soulmates!

A/N: this was supposed to be a short one shot, but here we are 10k later. not sorry. I will also be posting this on ao3, so if you’d rather read it there, my ao3 is linked on my masterlist.

Yoongi sometimes wondered if fate hated him. He was 27 and still hadn’t found his soulmate. The one person who fate had created just for him. But then again, neither had the other two members of Bangtan, so he wasn’t exactly alone.

He didn’t know if being world famous was a curse or not. On one hand, he traveled the world and got to meet all kinds of people. People who could potentially be his soulmate. On the other hand, since Bangtan was so famous, he had trouble meeting new people that weren’t work-related or weren’t just after him for his fame and money.

When a person met their soulmate, it was said that they would feel unconditional love for the other person. And if that wasn’t enough proof for people, then if you were separated from your soulmate for a long period of time, both soulmates would get physically ill. Of course, the distance and time had to be great. Soulmates wouldn’t get sick by going to the store, or even a business trip.

Soulmate sickness, as it was so eloquently dubbed by scientists, wasn’t the same for everyone, but there was an estimate on distance and time for most people. For the most part, if soulmates didn’t see each other for around a month and were not within a couple hundred miles, soulmate sickness would set in. Soulmates would start to grow physically weak, their appetite would slowly vanish, they would be tired all the time. On top of that, they would usually have fevers, throw up, and sometimes be delirious.

If soulmates were sick for a long enough period, they would fall into a coma. If the soulmates couldn’t be reunited, they would die.

Luckily, soulmate sickness was pretty rare. Soulmates usually tested and knew their distance and time restrictions and didn’t travel outside their bounds. Soulmate sickness was usually caused by accident, or by unforeseen circumstances, like natural disasters.

Yoongi wondered if he would ever meet his soulmate. It would be hard enough since he was an idol and people would lie all the time, claiming to be his soulmate. The thought that maybe he didn’t even have a soulmate crossed his mind too many times for him to care for.

“Time to go, Yoongi!” Hoseok yelled from the door, forcing Yoongi to finally look up from his phone and pull his slumped form off the couch. “Fans are waiting! Let’s go, let’s go.”

“You have too much energy for this early in the morning,” Yoongi grumbled, though still following Hoseok’s direction’s and trailing behind the other rapper into the hallway where Namjoon and other staff members were waiting.

Bangtan was about to head to the stage for their latest fan meet. Yoongi loved fan meets. If it weren’t for their fans, Bangtan wouldn’t be where they were today, and they would never be able to give enough thanks to the small amount of fans they got to know during each fan meet.

“Are you ready to meet Bangtan?” a muffled voice came from the behind the door to the stage. A roar of cheers was heard, which brought a small smile to Yoongi’s face. “Well here they are! Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, and Jung Hoseok!”

A staff member then opened the door and the cheers became much more clearer and louder. The three members then made their way onto the stage, ready to meet some of their devoted fans.

“If you make me late, I will delete your Overwatch account,” Taehyung yelled up the stairs.

He then heard a squawk and running footsteps.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Jungkook cried, hand over his chest in disbelief.

“Try me.”

Jungkook huffed while slumping down the stairs. Taehyung swore he heard the other man huffing about how he was just about ready anyways.

“Don’t make me out to be the bad guy! You want to see Bangtan just as much as I do!” Taehyung said on the way out of their shared apartment. “I know you’ve been dying to meet Namjoon. Don’t deny it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jungkook muttered, heat rising to his cheeks. “Let’s just get this show on the road so you can go meet the man who you have a shrine in your bedroom to.”

This time, it was Taehyung who let out a squawk.

“Excuse you!” Taehyung argued. “It is not a shrine! I just happen to have a lot of posters and pictures of the love of my life, Min Yoongi.” Taehyung let out a love-struck sigh.

Jungkook smiled and just shook his head. His best friend really was a piece of work.

The two friends made their way to the bus, thrumming with excitement at the chance to finally meet their favorite idols.

Arriving at the theater 30 minutes later, Taehyung could barely contain his excitement. In a few short minutes, he’d be in the same building as Min Yoongi. And not long after that, the same room, and entirely not soon enough, they’d be face to face.

Ever since Taehyung had stumbled upon Bangan’s pre-debut Soundcloud, he’d been in love. He’d loved everything from the beat of their songs to the flow of their raps to the meaning behind the lyrics. And when he’d first heard the low, gravely voice of one Min Yoongi, Taehyung knew that that rapper would be his bias and nothing could change his mind.

Jungkook and Taehyung made their way in the small theater, along with all the other lucky fans who had tickets to the fan meet, and found their seats. The pair were in the back, which meant they’d have to wait longer to meet their idols, but it meant they got to watch them interacting with fans and the other members, which was always a sight to see. Taehyung loved watching videos of fan meets because the members of Bangtan always showed such love to their fans. And of course it helped that sometimes they acted like idiots while on stage, always bringing a smile to Taehyung’s face.

Taehyung’s leg was bouncing with excitement and nervousness. While waiting for the meet to start, Taehyung and Jungkook talked with each other and made small talk with the fans around them, leaning that one girl had been to every single fan meet that Bangtan had (which Taehyung thought was a bit excessive, but he guessed if that’s how she wanted to spend her money, that was on her).

The girl sitting on Jungkook’s side hadn’t been to a fan meet before like the two boys and was gushing about how she couldn’t wait to meet Namjoon.

The small room, now packed to the brim with fans, had slowly gotten louder as the clock ticked closer to the start of the event.

A screech from the microphone rang out across the room, causing Taehyung to flinch. The room got eerily silent.

“Are you ready to meet Bantan?” a voice sounded from the speakers.

Taehyung and Jungkook, along with every other person in the room, screamed with excitement.

It’s finally happening! Taehyung thought. He felt like his heart might beat out of his chest. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. The members of Bangtan were just normal people, just like him. Yeah, except they’re insanely talented, and they’re super famous and super rich, Taehyung thought.

“Well here they are! Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, and Jung Hoseok!” the voice spoke again.

Before Taehyung could even think, the entire room was on their feet, cheering for the three men entering the stage, Taehyung right there with them, screaming his lungs out.

The first on stage was Kim Namjoon, leader of Bangtan. Taehyung knew pictures wouldn’t do the man justice, but still, he wasn’t prepared for how Namjoon looked in real life. The rapper smiled out at the crowd, and Taehyung just about swooned. Even though Namjoon wasn’t his bias, he could still write poems about the dimples that graced Namjoon’s face.

The next to enter the stage was Jung Hoseok, dance captain of Bangtan. Again, Taehyung was struck with how pretty the man was in real life. How had BigHit managed to find such attractive men to be in the same group? Hoseok looked at the crowd and waved, causing quite a few people in the crowd to squeal.

Finally, Min Yoongi entered the stage. The moment Taehyung’s eyes landed on the man, he felt his heart grow 10 sizes and burst. If he were in a cartoon, Taehyung knew he would have heart eyes. He couldn’t believe he was finally in the same room as Yoongi and actually looking at the rapper with his own eyes. Taehyung’s whole chest felt warm, and he felt the need to kiss Yoongi all over his face (but honestly, Taehyung always wanted to do that).

Just like the other members, nothing could have prepared Taehyung for what Yoongi looked like in real life. He was both hard lines and soft curves. Yoongi had on what Taehyung thought looked like the softest pastel sweater on the face of the earth. Yoongi had a serious look on his face, but once he looked out into the audience, his signature gummy smile took over his face. He looked like the softest boy on the planet and Taehyung just wanted to squish his cheeks. But, he knew if Yoongi was handed a mic, he would be throwing out hard raps that no one else could ever dream to perform.

“Thank you for coming to our fan meet!” Namjoon spoke into his microphone as he and the other two members took their seats at the table. The crowd cheered again. “We can’t wait to meet you all!”

The MC then took over and called the first row up to get in line.

The next hour passed way too quick and way too slow for Taehyung. He watched Namjoon listen intently to fans as they talked about how Namjoon’s lyrics help them get through tough times in their lives. He watched Hoseok get the brightest smile on his face when a fan told him she had named a star after him. He watched how Yoongi put on all the flower crowns and headbands that fans gave him and let them take pictures before moving on. He watched the three talk about a goof that happened during their last performance. And he watched them act crazy and silly, sometimes throwing things, like stuffed animals they were given, at each other, all with the biggest smiles on their faces.

Finally, the last row was called to get in line. Taehyung bounced on his toes, unable to believe he was finally here. Jungkook, who Taehyung almost forgot was here with him in all the excitement, squeezed his shoulder, looking just as excited.

Taehyung and Jungkook happened to be at the end of the line, so they had to wait a bit more. The line moved at a very slow but steady pace. Before Taehyung knew it, he was at the front of the line.

“Hi! What’s your name?” Namjoon asked, a smile taking over his face.

“Taehyung.”

“Well, Taehyung, it’s so nice to meet you!” Namjoon replied. “Did you have anything you wanted me to sign?”

“Oh, yes! Of course!” Taehyung quickly pulled his copy of Bangtan’s latest album out of his bag and handed it over. He was still in shock at being this close. He thought seeing Namjoon’s dimples from across the room was bad, but seeing them this close made him want to just reach over and poke them.

Namjoon quickly signed the album and handed it back.

“I just wanted to say, thank you so much for all you do,” Taehyung started while taking back the album. “I’ve been following Bangtan since before debut, and y’all’s music has helped me through so much. You all are really such amazing songwriters. You really know how to write lyrics that make a person think and feel.”

Namjoon’s cheeks were now dusted with pink.

“Thank you, but we really should be thanking you!” Namjoon replied. “Without fans like you, we wouldn’t get to do any of this, so thank you. We really appreciate it.”

Now it was Taehyung’s turn to blush. He looked down at his feet, trying and failing to keep the massive smile off his face.

“Next!” a voice called. Taehyung looked up, realizing it was time to move on.

“It was great meeting you, Taehyung!” Namjoon called while he moved on. “I hope we can meet again!”

Taehyung nodded and stopped in front of Hoseok.

“Hello!” Hoseok smiled cheerily, immediately putting Taehyung’s nerves at ease.

“Hi, I’m Taehyung!” he replied, shyly handing over his album.

“How are you doing today, Taehyung?” Hoseok asked while signing the album. “Are you having a fun time?”

“Oh, yes! It’s been great!” Taehyung nodded.

“Is it your first fan meet?”

“Yes! I’ve been a fan since before Bangtan debuted, but this was the first time I’ve been able to get tickets for a fan meet,” Taehyung replied.

Hoseok nodded and handed the album back over.

“Well, I’m glad you could finally make it!” Hoseok smiled. “We really appreciate your support! I can’t believe you’ve been following us since before debut! That’s a long time!”

“It’s not that hard to support when y’all put out such amazing music,” Taehyung said.

“Well, I’m happy we got to meet!” Hoseok replied as the voice came back over the speaker and called for the line to continue moving.

Taehyung shyly waved bye and moved down the table. He didn’t dare look up yet. Yoongi was the last and most important and Taehyung felt like he might have a heart attack at seeing Min Yoongi this close.

Taehyung stopped in front of Yoongi’s spot and unzipped his bag, pulling out the gift he bought specifically for the other man.

“This is for you,” Taehyung said while shoving the gift forward, still afraid of looking up. He was afraid Yoongi wouldn’t like the gift.

“Aw, Yoongi got a Kumamon plushie!” Namjoon spoke, surprising Taehyung into looking up. The older man was draped over Yoongi’s shoulders. Taehyung quickly glanced down the line and realized that the line had ended, so Namjoon didn’t have a fan to talk with.

Taehyung finally looked at Yoongi, who had pink cheeks. Namjoon turned his head and realized the other man was blushing and reached to pinch his cheeks.

“Aw, look what you did, Taehyung! You made Min Yoongi blush!” Namjoon cried dramatically.

Yoongi quickly pushed the younger man off his shoulders while grumbling about going back to his own seat and Taehyung swore he heard something about knowing where Namjoon slept.

Once Namjoon had made his way back to his own spot, Yoongi finally spoke.

“Thank you. I love it.”

“Really? I was nervous that maybe you already had enough Kumamon plushies from fans or that maybe you already had this one or maybe you wouldn’t like it,” Taehyung rambled.

Yoongi laughed and Taehyung felt his heart stop at hearing it in person. His laugh sounded so comforting, as odd as that sounded. The laugh sounded very loving and Taehyung would love to make him laugh again.

“Yes, I really love it,” Yoongi smiled. “I actually don’t think I have this specific one, so it’s perfect.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Taehyung smiled back, pink still dusting his cheeks from his earlier rambling. “Oh! I have my album for you to sign!”

Taehyung quickly handed it over.

“I’m glad you got to come today, Taehyung,” Yoongi said while signing the album. “Meeting our fans is always so much fun, though it was probably more fun for you because you got to watch us act like idiots with each other up here on stage.”

Taehyung giggled, nodding along.

“Well, I’m glad I got to meet you, Taehyung. Maybe we’ll get to meet each other again some time!” Yoongi continued, handing Taehyung his album back.

“I really hope so,” the younger replied.

“Next!” the voice that Taehyung was starting to dread called. He stuck the album back into his bag and waved to Yoongi before turning toward the door. Taehyung’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much, but it was so worth it to finally meet Bangtan.

Taehyung made it out into the hallway and sat on one of the benches that lined the wall, waiting for Jungkook to join him. Since they were basically last in line, there weren’t too many people left hanging around, which Taehyung was glad for because he was still sure his face was pink from talking with Yoongi.

“We just met Bangtan!” Jungkook cried as he threw open the auditorium doors. “I can’t believe we just did that! And I talked with Namjoon! And you talked with Yoongi!”

Taehyung stood up from the bench, a smile still stretching over his cheeks. The two made their way outside to the bus stop, catching each other up on what they talked about with each member.

By the time they reached their apartment, the two had shared their stories and were walking in comfortable silence as they made their way inside. Taehyung felt the happiest he had ever been. He had been stressed lately because of work, but he forgot all about those worries now. He felt like his life was complete now and his heart was full.

The next few weeks passed by with nothing special. Taehyung went to work everyday and came home and hung out with Jungkook. Now that he had met Yoongi and the rest of Bangtan, Taehyung felt like something in his life was missing.

It’s probably all just in my head, Taehyung though. This isn’t some Y/N fanfiction. It’s not like I was going to attend the fan meet and have one of the members fall in love with me by just looking at me. Plus, they have soulmates out there somewhere. And so do I. Who knows when I’ll finally meet them, but they’re out there somewhere.

Taehyung had never really thought much about his soulmate. He knew he had one because everyone did, but he didn’t really think much past that. He figured when the time was right, the universe would put that person in his life and he would know exactly when it happened and he would be in love.

Growing up, it was impossible to go through life without hearing soulmate stories. People would talk about the moment they laid eyes on their significant other, the moment they knew they were in love. Most people said it was hard to explain what it felt like to find their soulmate, but that you would know when it happened to you. You would get this overwhelming love for this other person and you’d never want to let them go.

Taehyung couldn’t wait until that moment, but until then, he was content with going through life not worrying about it.

“Hey!” Jungkook called when he came home one night after work, a pizza box in tow. “Did you see that they finally published the pictures from when Bangtan left for their tour last week? I’m pretty sure Hoseok had to do a punishment based on the outfit he was wearing at the airport.”

“Oo! I wanna see!” Taehyung quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up Twitter to look at the pictures. “Oh my god, I can’t believe he wore that to the airport. I would never be able to do that.”

“This is why we love them.”

“Because they’re huge dorks?” Taehyung raised his eyebrows.

“No,” Jungkook laughed. “Okay, maybe. But also because they’re confident enough to do things like this. And they’re okay with looking like idiots sometimes if it makes their fans happy. And it made me happy.”

Taehyung just shook his head before grabbing a slice of pizza. The two spent their night watching crappy dramas on TV while finishing their pizza.

The next morning, Taehyung woke up feeling like he didn’t get any sleep, which he thought was odd because he had gone to bed at a decent time. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and stretched his arms out. Today was going to be a long day if he felt this exhausted already. Maybe he could squeeze a nap in during his lunch break.

“Morning!” Jungkook chirped as he entered the kitchen. “Have a hard night?”

Taehyung just grumbled into his large coffee cup. He was in no mood for Jungkook’s cheeriness this early in the morning. Taehyung despised morning people.

Jungkook shuffled around the kitchen, grabbing a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal.

“Seriously, are you okay?” Jungkook asked once he plopped down in the chair across from Taehyung and finally got a good look at the other man. “You look like death. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Did you stay up playing Overwatch without me last night or something?”

Taehyung shook his head.

“I don’t know what the problem is,” Taehyung started. “I went to bed at a decent time last night, but I woke up feeling like I didn’t get any sleep. Today is going to be hell. I have a presentation to give to the museum curator today, and I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I passed out during it.”

Taehyung brought the coffee cup back up and drank half the cup in one go. Maybe if he downed another cup of coffee before he left, he’d feel better by the time he got to work.

“Well, don’t push yourself too hard. Maybe you picked up a bug somewhere,” Jungkook reasoned. “Take it easy today and go to bed early tonight and maybe you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Taehyung just nodded, focused on drowning himself in coffee.

The day went just as Taehyung had predicted. Crappy. Taehyung had filled a thermos with coffee before he left for work and downed it on the bus ride to the museum. He had felt a little more awake by the time he made it in, but his head was starting to hurt. Taehyung worked all morning finalizing his presentation for that afternoon, but by the time that rolled around, he had a massive headache and couldn’t concentrate on his computer.

While giving the presentation, the curator actually stopped him to ask him if he was okay. Taehyung of course said he was fine and continued with the presentation. Luckily, after it was done, it was almost time to head home. On the bus ride home, Taehyung’s headache got worse, which he didn’t think was possible, and by the time he got off at his stop, his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

Okay, early bedtime it is.

Taehyung quickly made his way home and headed straight to the bathroom, where he quickly swallowed a few painkillers. Hopefully that would help with the stuffiness.

The rest of the night was spent lying around the apartment, and Taehyung kept true to his word and went to bed early.

Hopefully this will all go away and I’ll feel fine in the morning, Taehyung thought as he drifted off.

Yoongi’s alarm went off way too early for his liking. Touring was great and all, but dealing with time changes and constant traveling was hell on his body.

“Ugh,” Yoongi groaned, rolling over to slap at his phone to turn the constant blaring off.

As soon as the alarm was turned off, a knock sounded at the door. Of course. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

Yoongi slowly made his way out of the hotel bed, grabbing a blanket to wrap around his shoulders before heading to the door.

“What?” Yoongi grumbled, throwing the door open.

“Good morning to you, too, sunshine,” grinned Hoseok. “I just came to wake you up before they started putting breakfast away. I know you like your sleep, but I know how grumpy you get when you miss out on a meal. And based off how you opened the door, I would say I was right on time, Mr. Grumpy Pants.”

“I hate you,” Yoongi replied with no real heat behind his words. “I’ll be down soon, just give me a minute to get changed.”

Hoseok nodded and turned on his heel, heading back down the hallway. Yoongi shut the door behind him, feeling a little more awake than he was when he opened the door. Hoseok really was like his portal battery.

Ten minutes later, Yoongi made his way into their private dining room at the hotel where breakfast was being served for the group and their staff. Making his way through the buffet line quickly, Yoongi spotted Namjoon and Hoseok easily as the room was almost empty because it was so late in the morning.

“Are you ready for the concert tonight, hyung?” Namjoon questioned once Yoongi sat down.

“Of course. Are you?” Yoongi shot back. Namjoon laughed and nodded the affirmative. Namjoon then turned to Hoseok and started up the conversation they were having before Yoongi arrived, and Yoongi turned toward his food.

After taking the first bite, Yoongi suddenly felt nauseous. He quickly put his chopsticks down and grabbed a drink of water.

“Hyung? Is everything okay?” Hoseok asked, glancing over at the older man.

“Yeah,” Yoongi said, nodding his head. “I don’t know what happened. I thought I was hungry, but I just suddenly felt really nauseous. I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat anything. At least not right now.”

Namjoon leaned over and felt his forehead.

“You don’t feel warm. Are you feeling sick other than feeling nauseous?” Namjoon questioned, looking Yoongi over quickly to make sure there weren’t any noticeable signs that the other man wasn’t feeling well.

“I feel fine, other than that. I don’t know what the issue is. Maybe it’s the jet lag. Or just eating too close to waking up. I’ll be fine in a little bit,” Yoongi reassured. He didn’t know what the problem was, but he knew that he was going to do everything in his power to make sure he was better for their soundcheck and concert later. He couldn’t let their fans down. “I think I’m just going to go lay down for a bit. I’ll eat something before we head to the venue. Come get me before it’s time to leave?”

Namjoon and Hoseok just nodded, concerned for their friend, but unable to do anything for the other man. Letting him rest was their best option for now. Unfortunately, feeling sick on tour because of jet lag and exhaustion was common. Sleep and eating healthy were the only ways they had ever found to help combat them.

Yoongi quickly made his way back up to his room, falling asleep almost the second his head hit his pillow.

A week later and Taehyung woke up feeling like he had been hit by a bus. His body ached from head to toe, his head felt completely stopped up, and no matter how early he went to bed, he was always yawning.

Dragging himself to work had become a chore. The barista at the coffee shop a block from the museum had become his new best friend, already having his order prepared by the time he made it to the front of the line. After work, Taehyung used to play games or watch TV with Jungkook. Now, Taehyung felt like going straight to bed as soon as he walked in the door.

“Taehyung, I really think you need to go to the doctor,” Jungkook finally broke on Friday night. “I can’t just sit here and watch you like this. I know you’ve been getting enough sleep, so there has to be some other issue. I hate seeing you like this.”

The two roommates had been sitting on the couch, eating takeout and watching a crappy reality show on TV, like their normal Friday night. During a commercial break, Jungkook had finally broken the silence with his plea.

“I’m fine, Kookie,” Taehyung reassured. “It’s just a bug or something. Maybe a cold. I’ll be fine in a few days.”

“You are not fine!” Jungkook argued. “You’re tired all the time, even after you chug two cups of coffee, which is not healthy at all. You’ve complained about headaches every day this week, and it doesn’t seem like the painkillers are helping. You haven’t been eating as much, either, and I know it’s only been a week, but it looks like you’ve lost weight, and your complexion has become super pale.

“I just- I can’t sit here while it looks like you’re wasting away. I’m your best friend, Taehyung. I love you, and I don’t like watching you like this.”

Taehyung sighed, finally setting his plate on the coffee table and turning toward the other man.

“Go to the doctor, please,” Jungkook cut Taehyung off before he could say a word. “If it’s just the flu, then it’s the flu and we’ll know. I’d rather overreact about the flu than find out it’s something worse later on when you become more sick. Please, Taehyung, for me.”

Taehyung sighed. He knew there was no way he was getting out of this. Truth be told, he wouldn’t mind going to the doctor. He had actually been thinking about it before Jungkook had said anything. He really didn’t think it was the flu. He’s had the flu before and it didn’t feel anything like this. Taehyung felt like he was wasting away, like something big was missing in his life, and if he didn’t get it back, he’d turn to dust and blow away with the wind.

“Alright. I’ll make an appointment on Monday,” Taehyung agreed.

“Thank you,” Jungkook sighed in relief. “Now that we’ve covered that, can we please turn off this crappy show and talk about Bangtan? They’ve been on tour for over a week, and we haven’t discussed any of the photos or videos from the concerts!”

Taehyung’s heart skipped. He’d talk about Bangtan any day.

“Do you even have to ask?” Taehyung scoffed. “Get your laptop! We need to watch all the videos!”

Jungkook leapt off the couch and ran to his room to grab his laptop.

“Here are some pictures from last night from someone I follow on Twitter,” Jungkook said, pulling up the photos.

The two spent the next twenty minutes scrolling through the photos and gushing over their favorites.

“Does Yoongi look tired to you in these photos?” Taehyung pointed out after a couple of Yoongi pictures in a row. “It looks like he’s got bags under his eyes. It doesn’t look like even makeup can cover them up.”

“Maybe it’s just the lighting? Or maybe it’s just jet lag from traveling,” Jungkook reasoned.

Taehyung just shrugged, still a little worried about Yoongi. He may only be a fan to the rapper, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t care about his health.

The two then moved on to videos from the latest concert, which was the night before.

“Wait, go back a second,” Taehyung interjected a few videos in. Jungkook quickly complied. “Do you see that? He looks… I don’t know, but he doesn’t look okay. He looks like he’s going to be sick or something.”

Jungkook scrutinized the screen, playing the short clip over and over again.

“Yeah, I guess he does look kind of like that,” Jungkook said after a moment. “Like I said though, maybe it’s just jet lag. Or the lighting. Who knows? No use speculating though.”

Taehyung hummed in agreement, though he wasn’t so sure.

After another hour of scouring Twitter for photos and videos, Taehyung decided to finally head to bed. He still felt terrible, but hopefully he’d figure out what was wrong next week. As he drifted off to sleep, the video clip of Yoongi looking unwell played on repeat behind his eyes.

“Come on, Yoongi. We’re here,” Namjoon shook Yoongi’s shoulder, waking the older man up from his short nap. The group had just arrived at the venue for their concert. Yoongi didn’t really have any idea where they were, he just went where he was told. The past week, or he thinks it’s been a week, of touring had been crazy. From performing a show every night, traveling to different countries, visiting different TV shows to promote their album and concerts, and adding jet lag on top of that, Yoongi hadn’t been feeling the best.

The group headed inside the venue, making their way to the dressing room. Once inside, Yoongi plopped himself down on one of the couches, planning on making himself sink into the couch until he was required to be somewhere for soundcheck.

“How’re you feeling?” Hoseok sat down next to Yoongi, disrupting his plans of falling back asleep. “I know you like your sleep, but you’ve definitely been sleeping more than you normally do on tour. Maybe you should talk with our doctor. We’re worried about you.”

Yoongi groaned. He did not want to do this right now. Hoseok was right. Of course he was right. There was no denying that something besides jet lag was wrong with Yoongi, but he hoped if he put it off long enough, it’d go away on its own. But, if it was enough for his friends to actually say something to him about it, maybe it was serious.

“I’m okay, Hoseok,” Yoongi finally answered. “Maybe I’m just not as in shape or healthy as I normally am on tour. And there’s nothing wrong with sleep! Sleep is good for you!”

Hoseok just raised his eyebrows.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ll talk with the doctor.” Hoseok’s eyes lit up. “After the concert.”

His smile dimmed slightly, but he would take what he could get. Yoongi was a stubborn man, and getting him to agree to talk with their physician on his own must really mean the older man wasn’t feeling the greatest.

“Good. We love you, Yoongi. We only want the best for you. Plus, it’s no fun calling you a cat if you're not around to hear it and complain," Hoseok teased.

"I am not a cat," Yoongi grumbled.

"See, there's my best friend," Hoseok smiled.

"Alright, boys. Time for soundcheck!" a manager called, as he stuck his head in the room.

The three members of Bangtan followed the man to the stage, grabbing their mics from a stagehand along the way.

"We only need to go through a couple songs to get everything set, but you will need to do choreography so the techs can get an idea of how it sounds while moving around the stage," the manager instructed.

Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon all nodded, stepping up to their places for the first song.

The moment the first beats flowed through Yoongi's in-ear pieces, he fell into what Hoseok called his "stage mode." It didn't matter that it was only soundcheck, Yoongi would give it his all.

The three moved through the song flawlessly, hours of practice and other performances paying off.

The second the song ended, Yoongi started gasping for breath. He leaned over and put his hands on his knees, trying to suck in as much air as possible to steady his racing heart. He knew he had been feeling like crap lately, but he didn't think one song would make him feel this bad. Maybe it was a good idea Hoseok had convinced him to see their physician.

"Hey, you good?" Namjoon asked, placing a hand on Yoongi's back.

Yoongi only nodded, still trying to catch his breath. A water bottle was suddenly thrust into his line of vision, which he gladly grabbed and chugged.

"Maybe you should take it easy," Hoseok, who was now on his other side, suggested. "This is only soundcheck, after all. I know you'll want to go all out for the concert tonight, and you can't do that if you tire yourself out now."

Namjoon hummed in agreement, rubbing his hand up and down Yoongi's back in comfort. He hated seeing his members and best friends sick. He was the leader and would fight for them to the ends of the earth, but there was only so much he could do about physical illnesses.

"I'll be okay," Yoongi tried to reassure after finally catching his breath. "We've only got one more song to run through, and then I can sleep until the concert. And then I'll talk with our doctor after. I'll be okay."

Hoseok and Namjoon looked like they wanted to argue, but the manager was calling for them to get set for the second song. Plus, they knew Yoongi was stubborn and that they wouldn't be able to change his mind.

Yoongi stood up, threw the empty water bottle to the side, and went to his starting position, the other two following.

The song started, and Yoongi still gave it his all. He was moving through the motions, albeit a little wobbly, but he was making it through.

See, I told them I was okay.

As soon as that thought passed through his head, Yoongi stumbled, but luckily he caught himself before he fell completely. He continued the choreography, but quickly glanced around to see if anyone had noticed, which it didn't seem like they did.

Yoongi's verse came up, and he moved to the center of the stage, glad that he could stop dancing for a moment while he rapped. He would never admit it, but spots had started dancing around his vision, which probably had been the cause of him stumbling.

By the time his verse was over, the spots had cleared, and Yoongi was grateful. He quickly moved back into the choreography, letting Hoseok take over the song.

Of course, as soon as he thought he was in the clear, the spots returned. Yoongi chose to ignore them. The song was almost over and then he could go and sleep it off. That's all it was, right? He just needed a little more sleep and everything would be okay in time for the concert tonight.

Famous last words, Yoongi thought as his vision turned darker and he stumbled again, this time making it all the way to the knees before catching himself.

He barely registered the music stopping. He thought he heard someone call out his name, but he couldn't be too sure. He was too focused on trying to get his vision back to normal and keeping himself upright. It all became too much, and Yoongi finally gave in.

Maybe Hoseok was right and I do need to get help sooner, was Yoongi’s last thought before giving in to the darkness.

"Bangan's Min Yoongi has collapsed during soundcheck before a show in England."

" Taehyung! Get in here!" Jungkook called from the couch. He had been switching through channels and happened to land on the news when he saw a picture of Bangtan.

"What? I was just about to go to bed," Taehyung grumbled, trudging into the living room, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. It was now Saturday night, and even though he had spent most of the day in bed, Taehyung was ready to get more sleep.

"Look!" Jungkook pointed to the TV, where a picture of Yoongi was on the screen.

Taehyung felt his heart lurch.

"They said he collapsed at a soundcheck!" Jungkook recapped. "You were right when you said he looked tired."

Taehyung then felt his heart fall to his stomach.

Is Yoongi going to be okay? He has to okay! I can't live without him! Wait, what am I saying? I'm just a fan. We've met once. I'm not a crazed fan. He has his life, and I have mine. I'll be okay. He'll be okay. It'll all be okay.

Sitting down on the couch next to his roommate, Taehyung stared at the TV, waiting for the news anchor to give more updates.

"An ambulance was seen leaving the venue by fans, which prompted an outcry from fans online, demanding to know if the members of Bangtan were okay.

"BigHit released a statement shortly after, stating Min Yoongi, the oldest in the group, had collapsed during soundcheck and that he was being treated at a nearby hospital. They did not give any indication as to his current status or what caused him to collapse. The concert for tonight has also been canceled.

"Fans from all over the world are now sending in messages of support for Yoongi, hoping the rapper recovers soon.

"This is a breaking news story; we'll keep you updated as we receive more information."

The room was silent as Jungkook muted the TV. Taehyung knew he shouldn't feel this upset about his favorite idol being sick, but he couldn't help it. He felt the need to hop on a plane and go and take care of the man himself. Which was obviously out of the question, and only something that an obsessed fan would do.

"Hey, he's going to be okay," Jungkook tried to reassure.

Taehyung just nodded, curling himself further into his blanket.

"It's probably just exhaustion. You know he likes to work, and with them being on tour, it probably didn't help," Jungkook reasoned. "Hey, maybe it's a sympathy sickness. He knew his biggest fan wasn't feeling so great, so now he's feeling a little under the weather, too"

Taehyung didn't laugh at Jungkook's attempt at a joke, but his lip did twitch.

"I'm going to head to bed," Taehyung finally spoke up a few minutes later.

Slowly dragging himself off the couch, Taehyung made his way toward his room, all but collapsing on his bed.

The next morning, Jungkook woke up early and decided to make breakfast for him and Taehyung. He hoped he could cheer the other man up. First, he'd had a crappy week at work and had been feeling sick, and now Yoongi getting sick. It was just not Taehyung's week.

"Taehyung, I made breakfast," Jungkook lightly knocked on the older man's door.

Silence.

"Tae Tae? Are you up?" Jungkook tried again.

More silence.

"I made your favorite! You can't stay in bed all day!"

Silence again. Now Jungkook was starting to get worried. Taehyung wasn't a super heavy sleeper, and usually knocking on his door would wake him up.

"I'm coming in, so I hope you're decent," Jungkook tried one last time before slowly opening the door.

All the lights were off, and the blinds were still closed. Jungkook could still make out a Taehyung-sized lump on the bed, covered in a mound of blankets.

"Taehyung?"

No answer.

Jungkook walked to the bed and carefully put a hand on what he thought would be Taehyung's shoulder under all the blankets. He shook the man slightly, hoping to get a response now.

"Taehyung, it's time to wake up. I made breakfast."

Still no response. Not even a slight movement from under the blankets.

"Taehyung, this isn't funny. Come on, wake up."

Jungkook shook the man a little harder. There was no way he could still be asleep after all that. Jungkook's heart started racing. Something had to be wrong. Quickly, Jungkook started grabbing blankets and throwing them over his shoulder, not caring where they landed.

Finally, Jungkook saw a fluffy head of hair peeking out from the final blanket.

"Taehyung," Jungkook tried one last time, shaking his shoulder again. Still no response.

Jungkook quickly pulled the last blanket down. Taehyung laid on his bed, eyes closed, unmoving. Looking over him, Jungkook didn't see any physical injuries that would cause him to be in this state. Luckily, he did see Taehyung’s chest moving up and down.

Trying one last time, hoping that this was all some stupid prank or that he was still sleeping, Jungkook called his name and shook his shoulders, even tapping the older man's cheeks lightly to see if it would cause the man to stir.

No response.

"Oh God, Taehyung. No, no, no. Please be okay. Please be okay."

Jungkook quickly ran out of the room to grab his phone to call an ambulance.

He has to be okay. He has to be okay.

“What do you mean soulmate sickness? He’s never met his soulmate!” Namjoon argued with the doctor.

After Yoongi collapsed on stage, he hadn’t woken up, so an ambulance was called. Namjoon, Hoseok, and one of their managers had been waiting at the hospital all night for the doctors to tell them what was happening with Yoongi. They hadn’t been told anything all night, not even if he had woken up.

“All the signs and symptoms point to soulmate sickness, I’m afraid,” the doctor repeated. “If he doesn’t know who his soulmate is, it will make it that much harder for him to get better, I’m afraid.”

“How long do we have to find his soulmate?” the manager spoke up. Namjoon’s vision blurred from tears he refused to let fall. How could he forget? If two soulmates weren’t reunited within a certain time period, then both would die.

“I’m afraid he’s probably only got about a week, based on his condition. Unfortunately, since soulmate sickness is different in everyone, we can’t be completely certain how long it will take,” the doctor replied.

Namjoon fell into the cheap chair he’d been sitting in for the past eight hours. He heard a loud sob from the chair next to him.

Hoseok.

Namjoon quickly wrapped his arms around the other man, trying to hold his own tears back. He needed to keep it together for the both of them. At least long enough to finish hearing what the doctor had to say.

“What can we do?” the manager kept the conversation going, even though he looked like he was ready to be sick or cry or both.

“You need to find his soulmate. The closer they are together, the more time you’ll give him. I’d say it’s been a little over a month since he met his soulmate, so if that helps you by knowing where he was then. Once you’re able to find his soulmate, we can move either Yoongi or his soulmate, who is probably also in the same condition, to be with each other. Once they’re in close proximity, like the same room, they should start healing,” the doctor explained.

“Thank you, doctor,” the manager replied.

The next few moments passed in silence, barr Hoseok sobbing into Namjoon’s chest, while the manager pulled out his phone to look at Bangtan’s schedule.

“The fan meeting!” the manager called out in surprise.

“What?” Namjoon asked, shocked.

Hoseok, curious, pulled himself away from Namjoon’s chest, wiping away his tears.

“The fan meeting!” the manager repeated. “It was a little over a month ago! That had to be where he met his soulmate. I don’t know how he didn’t realize it, but that had to have been it. You all weren’t really doing much around then, just a few interviews here and there. I can reach out to the people from the interviews to be sure, but I’m positive it had to have been from the fan meeting.”

Hope bloomed in Namjoon’s chest. They could do this. They would be able to find Yoongi’s soulmate, and he would be okay. He had to be.

“This has to be a prank. He hasn’t met his soulmate. There’s no way it could be soulmate sickness,” Jungkook argued.

“That’s what all the signs are pointing to, I’m afraid. Taehyung must have met his soulmate and not realized it,” the doctor replied. “If you can’t find his soulmate soon, there’s not much we can do. Based on the level of his symptoms, he’s probably got about a week left, give or take.”

A sob wracked it’s way out of Jungkook. No. There was no way he was going to let his best friend die.

“Based on that information, I would say that he met his soulmate a little over a month ago, if that helps you find his soulmate. Please let me know if I can help in any way,” the doctor tried to reassure.

Jungkook kept his scoff inside as the doctor walked out of the room. Sitting down next to the bed where Taehyung laid lifeless, Jungkook felt a tear slide down his cheek.

“You can’t leave me, Taehyung. I won’t let you,” Jungkook said, grabbing the other man’s hand. “I’m going to find your soulmate. I don’t know how, but I promise you, I’m going to find them. I won’t let you die on me. You’re not allowed. You have to get better for your soulmate. And for me. And Min Yoongi. You have to live to see him in person again.”

Jungkook laughed dryly.

Wait.

Min Yoongi.

The fan meet was a little over a month ago.

Yoongi also collapsed recently and the band had not said what was going on with him.

Bangtan had been on tour and had been far enough away from Taehyung that it would cause soulmate sickness.

Oh.

My.

God.

Taehyung’s soulmate was Min Yoongi.

It had to be. There was no other option.

“I hate you, you know that? You lucky bastard. You get Min Yoongi as your soulmate,” Jungkook spoke into the quiet hospital room. “Now how the hell am I going to get you two together?”

The next 24 hours passed in a blur for Namjoon and Hoseok. Yoongi was transferred to a hospital in Seoul, since that had to be where Yoongi’s soulmate was. They were reassured that once the two soulmates were in the same city, they would have a little more time to find each other, but it still wouldn’t be forever.

Once they arrived back in Seoul, their tour on hold indefinitely for the time being, Namjoon and Hoseok quickly got to work. They obtained a list of everyone who bought tickets for the fan meet, along with any contact information they had given. Their manager also set to work reaching out to the few interviewers they had made contact with that week, but hadn’t had any luck.

“How are we supposed to know who his soulmate is? It could be anyone! And, if they’re in the same position as Yoongi, how would we even get ahold of them anyways?” Hoseok questioned, trying to not give up, but it was hard when there was such a bleak outlook.

“It’ll be okay,” Namjoon reassured the other man. “We’ll find his soulmate, and it’ll all be okay. We can do this.”

Namjoon didn’t know if he was trying to reassure Hoseok or himself. He didn’t want to give up, he had to keep going for Yoongi, but it was hard like Hoseok said. They didn’t know everyone that had attended the fan meet, and plus, his soulmate would also be sick, so if they had collapsed like Yoongi, it would be that much harder to find them. And on top of that, they weren’t even sure if Yoongi’s soulmate was at the fan meet. For all they knew, he had passed by them on the street or on the subway. Seoul was a big city, afterall.

Namjoon and Hoseok got to work calling all the numbers they had available. They only stayed on the line for a few moments, mainly just to confirm the identity of the person and see if they were able to pick up the phone. They didn’t say who they were or who they were with, they not only didn’t have the time, they didn’t want any word getting out around why they were calling people.

Two hours and fifty phone calls later, no progress had been made.

“Ugh, this isn’t working,” Namjoon slammed his phone down on the table. So far, everyone had picked up the call and had sounded fine.

The rest of the afternoon was spent making phone calls, but Hoseok and Namjoon didn’t have any luck. They made a list of about ten people who hadn’t picked up with the intent to call them another time, but there was no guarantee that Yoongi’s soulmate was one of those people.

Realizing there was nothing further they could do at the moment, Namjoon and Hoseok went to the hospital, wanting to keep an eye on Yoongi.

They both spent the night on the small chairs in the room, wanting to be there in case something happened. Namjoon woke with a crick in his neck, but he didn’t care.

That day was spent the same as before, Namjoon and Hoseok searching for Yoongi’s soulmate with no luck. At the end of the day, the two made their way back to the hospital. Yoongi’s complexion was slowly getting paler, and he was getting noticeably thinner. Namjoon didn’t like it.

The next morning, Namjoon decided he’d spend the day at the hospital, searching for Yoongi’s soulmate from there.

Namjoon left the hospital, intent on grabbing his laptop and the fan meet attendee list from his studio and heading right back. He didn’t want to leave Yoongi for long.

Walking through the front doors of the building, a commotion at the reception desk caught his attention.

“Please, you have to help me,” a man pleaded. “My friend, he’s sick. He’s Min Yoongi’s soulmate. He’ll die if I don’t get him help. Please.”

Could it be?

Namjoon froze. This had to be it. No other explanation was possible (besides maybe a crazed fan), but based on the look on the man’s face, Namjoon believed he was telling the truth.

Running over before security could throw him out, Namjoon called out to the reception desk.

“He’s okay, let him be.”

The man looked over, and Namjoon could see tears running down his cheeks. He had dark purple bags under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in a week. Namjoon now fully believed the man was telling the truth. He couldn’t believe it.

“Follow me,” Namjoon waved him over, turning and heading toward his studio.

The man quickly followed.

“I’m Namjoon, but you probably already knew that,” Namjoon said, turning toward the other man after closing the door behind them in his studio.

“I’m Jungkook,” Jungkook said, nodding. “Please, you have to help me. My best friend is Yoongi’s soulmate, and he’s dying. I can’t watch him die.”

Namjoon gestured for the two to sit on the couch.

“Can you tell me why you think so?” Namjoon questioned, wanting to hear his story before making any rash decisions.

“Taehyung, my friend, and I attended Bangtan’s fan meet last month,” Jungkook started. “When y’all left for tour, Taehyung started to feel exhausted all the time and like he had a cold or flu or something. I didn’t put all this together until a few days ago, when I found him unresponsive in his bed.

“When the doctor at the hospital told me it was soulmate sickness, I happened to think about the fact that Yoongi had also collapsed, and when the doctor said Taehyung likely met his soulmate about a month ago, I realized the two must be soulmates. Everything matched up, including the distance and when y’all left.

“You all sure are hard to get ahold of,” Jungkook laughed wryly. “I’ve been trying for days, but everyone just thinks I’m a crazed fan or something. I promise, I’m telling the truth. God, you probably think I’m crazy or something. But I have to do something. Taehyung probably only has a few more days left. He’s started declining, and I couldn’t just sit there and watch.”

Jungkook rubbed his hands over his face, attempting to gather his thoughts. It had been a long few days, and finally, he had gotten ahold of someone at BigHit. And it was Kim Namjoon of all people.

“I believe you,” Namjoon spoke a moment later.

Jungkook’s head snapped up.

“You do?”

“Yes,” Namjoon reassured. “Yoongi also has soulmate sickness. We haven’t released that to the public, so unless you made a really, really lucky guess, you’re telling the truth. I believe you.”

Jungkook sagged into the couch, feeling like he could finally breathe for the first time all week.

“Okay, so what do we do now?” Jungkook asked.

“Now, we get Taehyung and Yoongi to the same hospital and to the same room, and then hopefully, they get better.”

Moving Yoongi and Taehyung to the same hospital turned out to be an easy job. The hospital quickly moved Taehyung via ambulance to the hospital Yoongi was in. Not even two hours after Namjoon made the first call, Taehyung’s hospital bed was rolled into Yoongi’s room.

“This is him?” Hoseok asked, quickly standing up where he had been sitting vigil beside Yoongi’s bed.

Namjoon and Jungkook followed behind the hospital staff pushing the bed.

“Yes, this is Yoongi’s soulmate, Kim Taehyung,” Namjoon replied. “Hoseok, meet Taehyung’s best friend, Jeon Jungkook.”

The two bowed to each other, but quickly focused back on the hospital staff. Nurses were running around the room, getting Taehyung hooked up to the new machines, keeping the two hospital beds as close together as possible.

A few moments later, Yoongi’s doctor walked in.

“Hello, everyone. You must be Jungkook, Kim Taehyung’s friend? I’m Dr. Choi,” she said, turning to introduce herself to the Jungkook. “I’ve been treating Yoongi since he’s been here this week, and I will be taking over Taehyung’s treatment as well.

“Today is a good day, and to be frank, really good timing. If you hadn’t found each other within the next 24 hours, it might have been too late for either of them. But, none of that matters now because they’re both here.

“Treatment from here on out shouldn’t be too medical. Their bodies will recognize that their soulmate is near and start healing on their own. It shouldn’t take more than a few hours for them to wake up, and no more than 24 hours for them to fully recover. We’ll leave you all alone, but once they wake up, please let us know,” Dr. Choi finished.

She bowed and left the room, the nurses following behind.

“Oh my god,” Jungkook sighed in relief, plopping down in the chair next to Taehyung’s bed. “I can’t believe he’s going to be okay.”

“You can say that again,” Hoseok said, moving to the chair next to Yoongi’s bed.

The next few hours passed rather quickly for Jungkook, Hoseok, and Namjoon. The three spent the time getting to know each other, learning about each other’s lives, Jungkook talking about his job as a graphic designer, and Namjoon and Hoseok telling Jungkook about what being part of Bangtan was really like without all the cameras.

Jungkook hadn’t let go of Taehyung’s hand since he’d sat down, so when a finger moved, Jungkook felt it right away.

“Taehyung?” Jungkook squeezed the other man’s hand, cutting off Namjoon’s story about the time when he ruined his studio computer by tripping and spilling his coffee all over the desk. “Can you hear me?”

This time, a couple of Taehyung’s fingers moved, causing Jungkook to scoot his chair closer to the bed.

“Come on, Taehyung, you can do it,” Jungkook urged.

Taehyung’s eyes started to slowly flutter open as he let out a small groan. Jungkook squeezed his hand again, afraid that what he was seeing wasn’t real. It had been a rollercoaster of emotions the last couple of days, and Jungkook never wanted to go through this again.

“What’s going on?” Taehyung slurred out. Luckily, Jungkook had heard enough of Taehyung’s just-woke-up voice to understand him easily.

“You’re in the hospital, Taehyung,” Jungkook replied.

Taehyung’s eyes slowly wided, finally looking around the room. When they landed on Namjoon and Hoseok sitting across from him, looking on earnestly, his eyes widened even more, which Jungkook didn’t think was possible.

“What?” Taehyung mumbled.

“You had soulmate sickness, Taehyung,” Jungkook explained. “You met your soulmate, and I found you passed out in your bed. You’ve been here ever since.”

“Soulmate sickness?” Taehyung asked, finally seeming to fully wake up. “But, I didn’t-”

“You did,” Jungkook interrupted, pointing to the other bed.

Taehyung turned, finally looking at the man in the other bed.

“That’s Min Yoongi. Oh my god, that’s Min Yoongi,” Taehyung whispered. “My soulmate is Min Yoongi?”

Taehyung turned back to his best friend, shock written all over his face. Jungkook grinned and nodded.

“You lucky bastard,” he replied, laughing. “You get Min fucking Yoongi as your soulmate. Which, maybe you don’t deserve because you didn’t even know you’d met him! And, if you ever do this to me again, I’m going to kill you myself!”

Jungkook tried to keep his tone light, but the last few days had been weighing heavily on him. He’d had to watch his best friend almost die.

Taehyung opened his arms for a hug and Jungkook threw himself on the bed.

“It’s too early, why is it so loud in here?” a grumbly voice came from the other bed.

“Oh my god, Yoongi!” Hoseok screeched, jumping out of his chair.

Jungkook pulled himself off Taehyung slightly, still holding on to his best friend, but helped him sit up so he could see Yoongi waking up.

“Hoseok? Why are you here? Wait, where is here?” Yoongi asked, finally opening his eyes and looking around the room.

“You had soulmate sickness,” Namjoon explained, then going on to explain how Taehyung was Yoongi’s soulmate and how they found each other.

“So, you’re my soulmate, huh?” Yoongi asked, looking over at the other bed.

Taehyung blushed and nodded. He really couldn’t believe it. Maybe his life really was a Y/N fanfiction.

“So, how exactly did this happen? I thought it was easy to tell when you met your soulmate?” Yoongi questioned.

“I actually have a theory for that,” Jungkook spoke up, still attached to Taehyung on his bed. “Since Taehyung was already a big fan of Bangtan and of you, Yoongi, when you two met, it didn’t really change much for him.”

“Way to make me sound like a crazed fan, Jungkook,” Taehyung interrupted.

“I think it’s cute,” Yoongi said.

Taehyung felt himself blush again. If this is what it was going to be like when he was around Yoongi, his face was going to be permanently red for the rest of his life. But, maybe he was okay with that.

“But what about Yoongi?” Namjoon asked.

“I actually had some trouble with that,” Jungkook replied. “Once I realized it was probably Yoongi, I went back and looked at videos from the fan meet. When Yoongi first saw Taehyung, Namjoon came up behind him and said something, so I guess in all the excitement of the day and whatever was said, you must not have registered the feeling, Yoongi.”

“So this is all your fault, Namjoon,” Hoseok teased, lightly slapping the other boy on the shoulder. Namjoon looked at his hands sheepishly.

“It’s okay, Joonie,” Yoongi reassured. “It’s all okay now, and I have my soulmate, and we’re all going to be okay now.”

Yoongi reached across the bed for Taehyung’s hand, which he gratefully took.

“I’m going to go get the doctor,” Namjoon said, standing up. “She said to let her know when you both woke up. Jungkook, Hoseok, why don’t you come with me?”

Jungkook seemed reluctant to leave Taehyung, but he knew Namjoon was trying to give the two new soulmates a few minutes alone to get to know each other. The three made their way out of the room, the door clicking softly shut behind them.

“So, soulmates, huh?” Yoongi spoke first.

“Looks like it,” Taehyung replied. “I feel really weird since I was a fan before.”

Yoongi hummed in acknowledgment.

“How about we start over?” Yoongi suggested. “I obviously know nothing about you yet, and what you might know about me as a fan doesn’t even scratch the surface of who I am.”

“How do we do that?” Taehyung asked, confused.

“Hi, my name is Min Yoongi, and it looks like you’re my soulmate,” Yoongi said, pulling his hand away from Taehyung’s, just to lift it, ready to shake the other’s hand.

Taehyung giggled, but shook Yoongi’s hand.

“I’m Kim Taehyung, and you’re my soulmate,” Taehyung replied.

“Nice to meet you, Taehyung,” Yoongi grinned. “Tell me about yourself, soulmate. My life is boring. I’m just a songwriter and rapper, nothing too interesting. I want to hear all about your life.”

Taehyung laughed, heart swooping at the word soulmate. He started telling the other man about his job at the museum and his life, Yoongi listening intently.

Neither knew what would happen once they left the hospital, but they were content to know they had found each other. They survived soulmate sickness; whatever life decided to throw at them next, they knew they could handle it since they had each other.

I had to make the end super cheesy. No other option, sorry. Let me know what you all think!! I spent way too long on this fic, but I’m really happy with it! Also, if you have a prompt for a fic or social media au, let me know! I now have no works in progress, so I’d love to work on something else! :)

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fiercestpurpose · 4 years ago

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Do you think Scott loved Jean more than Jean loved Scott? I have always read their relationship as one sided, not really one sided but Jean love to Scott was healthy and loving meanwhile Scott .. was ... just .. obsessing over her. He seems to be too attached to Jean. To the point he married her lookalike, thought of her constantly while making love to Emma. Even his notorious cheating scandal happened after the fact Emma “transformed” to Jean. The love he holds for Jean while endearing.. it’s kinda unhealthy. What’s your thoughts? I love ur Jott input 💚💙

My first instinct is to be like NO! but I do think you’re right, to a certain extent.

In the Dark Phoenix Saga, for instance, at the end Scott is like “I don’t care if she’s Dark Phoenix, I love her too much to lose her,” which is a little troubling. If Dark Phoenix is a perversion of all of Jean’s morals and decisions, then what is it that remains that he loves about her? He is a little obsessive, a little unhealthy. Unconditional positive regard is unhealthy, as anybody who’s taken Psych 101 can tell you.

His marriage to Maddie is a different case. I am of two minds on this, in part because the canon itself is of two minds. The way it was originally written, Scott married Maddie because he loved her. She did look like Jean, but she wasn’t actually much like Jean. She was a pilot, like Scott, and a lot of their relationship was built on their mutual interests and experiences. Later, there are several attempts to retcon it that he only loved her because she reminded him of Jean. For some reason, Marvel in the 80s thought Scott couldn’t possibly have loved two women for their own selves and he had to have one “true” love. Which is kind of silly. So yes, there is the fact that he married his dead fiancee’s clone (which is weird... don’t do that, guys), but that marriage was originally intended to be Scott moving on from Jean, him finding someone else so that he doesn’t have to obsess over Jean anymore.

I think the place where this changes is the place where so much of Jean and Scott’s relationship changes - X-Factor volume 1. This is where Jean and Scott have to learn how to see each other as people again, and Jean pushes back against Scott constantly comparing her to Maddie and to Phoenix. Jean is combating the obsessive nature of Scott’s love and saying no, no, I need you to like me for me, not for whatever image of me you have in your mind.

And then in the early nineties, it’s Jean who gets jealous of Scott’s relationship with Psylocke (to the point of accusing them of having an affair) and Scott who regularly says that it’s important for the two of them to actually talk about things. He’s not trying to bury his doubts or problems with her under a smothering devotion anymore, he’s prepared to actually address them, and that’s an important part of a healthy relationship.

A big piece of context for this is Scott’s own character development. Scott has serious abandonment issues due to his childhood trauma and abuse, and part of how he copes with that is being overly dedicated to the people he loves. As he starts to be more secure in the fact that he is worthy of love, he no longer has to idolize the people who love and care for him. 90s Scott is not all the way to confident and sure of himself, but he’s getting there, and he’s much more in touch with his emotions overall. I think the relationship Scott and Jean have at this point is much less him fixating on her and much more them being two people who understand each other and are very, very deeply in love.

And then there’s Morrison. Morrison admits that he didn’t think anything after DPS was important to the Jean/Scott relationship. And that might explain why he broke them up the way he did. If he was still thinking of their relationship as Scott fixating on Jean, then all he has to do is flip a switch and transfer Scott’s fixation. But by that point their relationship was based in CONSISTENT COMMUNICATION, which they recognized they were not naturally good at and therefore tried all the harder at maintaining. [Insert very long rant about how Morrison doesn’t even attempt to stay in line with previous characterizations.] Anyway, the point is that the obsession resurfaces with the beginning of his affair with Emma, but it doesn’t stay throughout it.

Scott’s thoughts on Jean throughout his relationship with Emma are pretty reasonable, all things considered. I don’t know from personal experience, but I think it’s natural to continue to have romantic and sexual thoughts about someone you were married to for over ten years, even if they’re now dead. It’s just that Emma, unlike most people, has the ability to know every time Scott thinks about Jean. And it’s often Emma who initiates the roleplay of her as Jean, probably because she wants reassurance that Scott likes her as her and is not still obsessing about Jean. And he isn’t! Even when they get possessed by the Phoenix Force, which would be a perfect opportunity for Scott to get weird about Jean, he still likes Emma for Emma. Because he was able to move from a notion of obsessive love that exists independent of the object to a notion of love as existing between two equal people, he’s able to love Emma as well as Jean. They’re different people and he loved them both and had different relationships with them. And while I will always maintain that Scott/Jean is better than Scott/Emma, I don’t think that it’s true that his feelings for Emma were an extension of a larger obsession with Jean, or that his feeling for Emma were healthy while his feelings for Jean were obsessive and unrealistic.

In summary, yes, I think Scott can be obsessive and unhealthy in his attachment. However, I don’t think that was true for the majority of the time that he and Jean were together. Thank you for the question, and thank you for saying you value my input on this ship. ☺️ Sorry my response got so long and that there were no pictures, but honestly I’ve been thinking about this all day and I didn’t want to stop to hunt down illustrative panels.

#Anonymous #scott summers #jean grey #asks #otp: a hurricane and its eye #x men blogging

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asimawv · 4 years ago

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I write and conceptualize story to music, so I’ve compiled a playlist of 30 Darkest Dungeon-specific songs that I listen to when writing (and subsequently re-writing) in no particular order, which I hope will help you set the vibe too. :+)

Names in bold are links for easy listening - tons of Hozier and Of Monsters and Men up ahead, five minute warning.

1. ‘Fire and the Flood’ - Vance Joy

If you listen to nothing else on this list, listen to this one - it’s the kind of song that’s made for movies about yearning. Folk influences, choruses of trumpets and vocal harmony, and instruments that are layered for a rich, resonant sound. This is the song I imagine Dismas and Reynauld horse-racing through a crowded outdoors market in the hamlet to, and the song I listened to nonstop freshman year when I first started writing The Myth of Sisyphus.

You're the fire and the flood And I'll always feel you in my blood Everything is fine When your hand is resting next to mine Next to mine You're the fire and the flood

The chorus is built around biblical allusions to the fire (the burning bush signifying first contact) and the flood (destruction of the first world), the beginning and end. Every line is similarly evocative of Darkest Dungeon in their simplicity (“I’ve been getting used to waking up with you,” etc.)

2. ‘Soldier, Poet, King’ - The Oh Hellos

By the title alone you can guess who this is for. Even the Guild quote for the Leper approaches these three things as the defining parts of his character (specifically it’s “a ruined man, a warrior, and a poet.”) This song coincidentally has an old world influence to it, with a Medieval Renaissance style from a guitar playing a lute-adjacent melody.

There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

To be smeared with oil is to be anointed by a prophet and thus chosen by god himself to be king, just as David was and his boy after him (presumably Solomon). There’s something strangely wistful about the imagery, which is just how I like my songs about bygone kings.

3. ‘Exit Hymn’ - Bear Attack!

This song is about the end of the world in a version where everyone simply stands together in silence watching, rather than having the masses swarming in panic.

Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters. Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters Mute.

It defies Lovecraftian horror, which is based on the premise that “common human laws and interests and emotions have no validity or significance in the vast cosmos-at-large” - it flies in the face of existential nihilism and the despair that it should bring us. That’s why I like this song for deaths in the end-boss fight; it also has a special place for other death-related ideas, like full-party wipes - entire teams of people vanishing into the dungeons, gone insane, holding hands while the darkness surrounds them.

It’s a bare song which has a sanctity to it, mostly just piano and rain and human voices. Just what you would hear at the end of the world.

More under the cut:

4. ‘Pursuit of Glory’ - Jhameel

This song is laid-back. It doesn’t have the Homeric intensity that some of the other songs here do - it’s a guy with a guitar and vocal harmony. By god is it a great piece of writing though (all of Jhameel’s older songs have that quality to them), and all of it is evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

So many eyes set on the path to glory Too many ties, friendship is for the lonely Can't still my heart, my tongue has tasted folly Thirsty for art, hungry for power and money

This is a song for everyone in the barracks, especially the ‘laundry list’ of people and their approaches to the pursuit of glory.

5. ‘Good Old Days’ - Macklemore (feat. Kesha)

This fucker put a Macklemore song in here. I did, yeah. It’s not even the only song with Kesha in it here (I’m sorry.)

It’s a sentimental pop song, and I am sentimental to a fault. This is Darkest Dungeon AMV material, and I always mishear one of the lines as “we were underground, loaded mercs in that 12-passenger van” so it’s here.

We've come so far, I guess I'm proud And I ain't worried about the wrinkles around my smile I've got some scars, I've been around I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now Those good old days

6. ‘Past Lives‘ - Kesha

Here it is, the other Kesha song - this was introduced to me by a good friend, also in a Darkest Dungeon context. There’s just something about the lovers spanning time trope and finding each other in one life to the next that is irresistible (for the obvious reason in the context of Darkest Dungeon.) It’s a soft song, totally out of place in Kesha’s typical discography, and has a line about losing someone to the crusades, so... you know.

There's just somethin' about you I know Started centuries ago though You see your kiss is like a lost ghost Only I would know But I, I keep on falling for you Time after time Time after time

7. ‘Viva la Vida’ - Coldplay

You cannot fight this. You know that this is the song for King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem, you know it is. Did you know the official name of this genre of music is “Baroque pop”? Yes, that means more songs like this exist. You will live with this information now.

Don’t fight it. Just let it wash over you.

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing Roman Cavalry choirs are singing Be my mirror, my sword and shield My missionaries in a foreign field For some reason I can't explain Once you go there was never, never an honest word And that was when I ruled the world

Mirror, sword, and shield, the three other members of his party, his missionaries in a foreign field. Thinking emoji. I typed that out so I wouldn’t have a repeat of the crab emoji incident.

8. ‘The Boxer’ - Jerry Douglas (feat. Mumford & Sons, Paul Simon)

Partly inspired by the Bible, Simon & Garfunkle’s ‘The Boxer’ is a folk rock song about poverty, loneliness, and homesickness. It’s written and sung in a style that’s strongly reminiscent of older times, and the final verse about its eponymous boxer is particularly powerful:

In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of ev'ry glove that laid him down Or cut him till he cried out In his anger and his shame "I am leaving, I am leaving" But the fighter still remains

This is what I use for Dismas’ life leading into organized crime and his foolish abandonment of stable job prospects in a half-baked bid for fame, as well as being punched down over and over again but with nowhere else to go. That last part is widely applicable across the cast.

9. ‘I Will Wait’ - Mumford & Sons

I am but a simple man. I see 'folk rock' and add it to my Darkest Dungeon playlist. This song I use for Reynauld - it has that sort of “salt of the earth,” somewhat biblical humility in its choice of words and style.

Raise my hands Paint my spirit gold And bow my head Keep my heart slow

10. ‘Little Lion Man’ - Mumford & Sons

Have we not beaten this song to death yet? Can you blame us? This is the people’s song. We reserve it for all of our favorite fuck-up characters, as primal as Saturn devouring his son. We love this song. Jesus.

Tremble for yourself, my man, You know that you have seen this all before Tremble little lion man, You'll never settle any of your scores Your grace is wasted in your face, Your boldness stands alone among the wreck Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

The line about learning from your mother in particular is why I think of this song for Dismas’ introspection, but I also associate it with the Hellion.

11. ’From Eden’ - Hozier

There’s too much Hozier in my playlists. There is so much of it, and it’s all important to me, says the hoarder. There’s something about profoundly intimate folk music that I love, and god put folk, R&B, blues, and alt rock into a Vitamix for 45 seconds to make Hozier.

Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

‘From Eden’ is, according to Hozier, about idolizing someone from a distance, written from the perspective of the devil “looking longingly at something he desires - for everything that he does not have.” I associate this song with the Grave Robber for its playfully nihilistic tone - Audrey does say something to the effect of being left for dead by high society and the affectionate bordering condescending address is on-brand.

12. ‘Cherry Wine’ - Hozier

‘Cherry Wine’ is unabashedly about domestic violence, and its sincerity is heartbreaking, the sanctification of the blood spilled in the name of keeping her.

The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine Open hand or closed fist would be fine The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

This song is strongly tied to the Vestal for me.

13. ‘Work Song’ - Hozier

A song about unconditional love - heaven and hell were just words, indeed.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

I think of this song for both Dismas and the Abomination - it’s a song about love transcending spiritual and even physical need, complete devotion, but something about it is also not quite right. It’s morbid and excessive, self-pitying, and almost ugly in its sincerity.

14. ‘Sunlight’ - Hozier

The strong gospel influence with the choruses, church organ, religious fervor - I think it makes a great song for traveling scenes and church/altar scenes.

I had been lost to you, sunlight Flew like a moth to you, sunlight oh sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight (sunlight, sunlight) But it is sunlight

15. ‘Arsonist’s Lullabye’ - Hozier

The gospel this time is paired with electric rock instrumentation. Something about the lamentation is unapologetic and matter-of-fact in its disturbing inclinations - this is Paracelsus’ song. Arguably representative of Bounty Hunter and Flagellant as well.

Now that I think about it, it’s great for Abomination as well. Damn.

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

16. ‘We Sink’ - Of Monsters and Men

Of Monsters and Men are closer to the indie rock/pop spectrum with influences of folk, with much less biblical influence and more folklore-inspired lyrics. They make for great trailer and action songs.

We are the sleepers, we bite our tongues We set the fire and we let it burn Through the dreamers, we hear the hum They say come on, come on, let's go So come on, come on, let's go

In Lovecraft’s Cthulu mythos, dreams are how the Old Ones commune with humans on the earth’s surface while they slumber in the ocean depths (Cthulhu fhtagn meaning “Cthulhu is dreaming”); I like to think of the ‘sleepers’ as the heroes being tasked to “set the fire” and the ‘dreamers’ being the Heir and Ancestor driven by some unseen force to unearth the antediluvian underground.

17. ‘I Of The Storm’ - Of Monsters and Men

Very somber song, overwhelmingly piano and snare drum and vocals. Also a great death scene song, or for introspection around the campfire, or played to reveal a major event.

If I could face them If I could make amends With all my shadows I'd bow my head And welcome them

18. ‘King and Lionheart’ - Of Monsters and Men

My favorite OMAM song - it’s clearly written about two children, kind of reminiscent of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ in its fantastical nature, and very upbeat about the end of the world.

His crown lit up the way as we moved slowly Pass the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind Though far away, though far away, though far away We're still the same, we're still the same, we're still the same

This part is reminiscent of the Leper’s journey, but the mentions of taking over a town, howling ghosts, the end of the world, a black sea and creatures lurking below, etc. are all evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

19. ‘Little Talks’ - Of Monsters and Men

Also very upbeat for its subject matter - according to OMAM, it’s a narrative of a woman speaking with the ghost of her dead husband, or going insane and believing that she’s speaking with her dead husband.

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

The call-and-respond style of the song is haunting. I like this song for expeditions and afflicted heroes.

20. ‘Wolves Without Teeth’ - Of Monsters and Men

Suitable for both Occultist and Abomination, being consumed by an unseen and otherworldly force that inhabits them - well, maybe just rarely seen, in the Abomination’s case. Special mention to OMAM’s ‘Human,’ same conceptual backing but more raw.

You hover like a hummingbird Haunt me in my sleep You're sailing from another world Sinking in my sea, oh You're feeding on my energy I'm letting go of it He wants it

21. ‘Desierto’ (Original Motion Picture Score) - Woodkid

This is a full album, because all of it is dark orchestral cinema music described as ‘unsettling,’ with the sole exception of ‘Land of All,’ which has vocals to it. I reserve this album for writing fight scenes and for particularly unsettling events because it’s tense and wordless. I read Junji Ito to this soundtrack too, it’s insanely high-strung and discordant.

22. ‘Iron’ - Woodkid

‘Iron’ qualifies as Baroque pop - you might recognize this as the Assassin’s Creed: Revelations song. The large-scale, cinematic style of it and thematic lyrics make it great for writing about dramatic encounters or brigands.

This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands I'm frozen to the bones, I am A million miles from home, I'm walking away I can't recall your eyes, your face

23. ‘Never Let You Down’ - Woodkid (feat. LYKKE LI)

Another somber song, orchestral with some industrial noise in the mix - another great introspection song, or one for a scene with some hard decisions to be made.

Will you come along cause I'm about to leave this town In my eyes, a waterfall, all I can hear, a siren call Could you be waiting by the shore, oh I could drown without you Will you be holding out the line when I fall?

24. ‘Run Boy Run’ - Woodkid

Church bells, fast percussion, strong orchestral presence. For chase scenes, obviously, but great for fast-paced sneaking scenes as well. Also has a strong quasi-Medieval fantasy setting style to it.

Tomorrow is another day And you won't have to hide away You'll be a man, boy! But for now it's time to run, it's time to run!

25. ‘I Love You’ - Woodkid

Don’t let the scream effects and aggressive percussion at the beginning deter you (it kind of took me by surprise the first few times too) - it soon fades into more of the church bells and melodic string accompaniment.

Oh yeah, unrequited love song? It’s free (mental) real estate, baby.

Is there anything I could do Just to get some attention from you? In the waves, I've lost every trace of you Where are you?

26. ‘Vagabonds’ - Grizfolk

A rare departure from folk! Grizfolk is alt rock/indie pop. Stylistically it doesn’t match the feeling of Darkest Dungeon, but lyrically it’s almost 1:1 to arrival in the hamlet and the subsequent expeditions. Good song for writing about recruits bonding.

Oh this careless ground, guessing this is home now Oh in no man's land, at least we're still standing And we're all just fighting, some of us will not return And there's no redemption in trying to find your way out

27. ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World’ - Lorde

Great trailer fuel, if you’ve seen the AC: Unity E3 trailer with this song - I listen to an extended version when writing fights in the Guild, especially one where two heroes are beefing. It’s got a primal kind of thing going on. I also associate this song with the Arbalest - lyrically, it fits her backstory like a glove.

Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep We will find you

Acting on your best behavior Turn your back on mother nature

28. ‘Torches’ - X Ambassadors

More alt rock/indie pop - kind of a rallying song for dark expeditions, hopeful but still somber in nature - some gospel elements. X Ambassadors’ more popular ‘Renegades’ is also a fun tavern song.

Come on, carry your flame Carry it higher Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches

29. ‘Passing Afternoon’ - Iron & Wine

This is a song I use for reconciliation or domestic scenes - Dismas with Junia in the garden, for example. It’s soft and kind of meandering, and features vintage piano - you know, the piano you heard in the basement of your church turned community center as a child.

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

30. ‘Some Nights’ - Fun.

You know this song, your mom knows this song, everyone knows this song from like, middle school. Thought it’d be fun to end this list on an uplifting and very popular song. This is the song that a Disney adaptation of Darkest Dungeon would use in the Training Montage™ - from the point of view of Reynauld. It hits all of the points - being their commander rather than their equal, his stern and antisocial zealotry with no true ideology behind it, the ghost of his wife.

Verse 2, starting with “Well, that is it, guys, that is all / Five minutes in and I'm bored again” is where I see it transitioning to Dismas.

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end 'Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again Some nights, I always win (I always win) But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know

_____

Well that’s all from me! Feel free to leave your own recommendations in the replies, and I’d love to know what you think about my personal picks. :+)

#darkest dungeon #playlist #song reccomendations #fic: the myth of sisyphus #give me that hozier baby

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sooghostwriter · 5 years ago

Text

Chef Soo. Three meals a day

Pairings: Do Kyung Soo x OC (Nameless, but I refuse to use Y/N)

Genre: Romance, canon AU (?), fluff, fast burn, smut.

Lunch: Miso

The idol and the chef

When she met Kyung Soo she was a little bit tipsy.

That involved a very loose mouth and some difficulty accessing to her memories. She normally had a friend who would take care of her. But said friend left her hanging for her newest boyfriend. So, it was only her, her two empty bottles and a full one. The restaurant was almost empty. Only a young couple seated in the corner and another girl with a friend, or girlfriend, who was she to judge? She was going to drink her last bottle of soju and then call a taxi. She was already looking forward to going home and sleep the drunkenness away. She was about to open the bottle when the sound of the bell at the door distracted her. Another customer. There was something on his form that was so familiar to her. Even to her tipsy brain. Not only his body shape, with his lean form, nice thighs, legs not really long but a nice height overall. His back was wide compared with his waist and what really caught her, the shape of his head under that oh so familiar cap. There was something written on it in white letters. He was walking in her direction, and thanks to her 20/20 sight she could read it "The all England techno club" She read in her head, with a perfect accent. Why was it so familiar? She had read that somewhere. Where was it?

She stopped herself from keep thinking about it because her head started hurting. She dropped the bottle opener and call it the night. What was she thinking before? Before she noticed the headache something, was bothering her, what was it? That was the other thing she got from the tipsiness, mild amnesia. She grabbed the unopened bottle, her bag, and her coat and walked to the counter to pay her bill and bid goodbye to the chef who was also an old friend and ex-teacher. He was standing behind the counter chatting with a guy dressed in all black and a cap. Oh right! She thought, The all England whatever cap, why was it so familiar? She stood next to the all-black guy and Mister Kang stopped talking to him so he could attend her "Ready to leave? " "Yeah, here, I didn't touch this one" "Your head hurts" She only nodded and took out her wallet. She gave her his card and waited for him to collect his money. She was still curious about that cap "Dear, this machine is acting up, give me a second " "Don't worry, I have time, I will call a taxi" She searched for her phone on her bag "What happened to your friend?" Mister Kang asked "She planted me, she got new dick " Ugh damn mouth, the alcohol was showing up. She immediately bit her tongue. Mister Kang laughed, already used to her running mouth but she saw the guy next to her jolt "I'm so sorry" She apologized to both men “Don't worry about it, a girl with a dirty mouth is a trustful girl, right Kyung Soo?" He commented and asked the man next to her. To which he answered affirmatively, followed by a chuckle. She finally found her phone, embarrassed by her comment and her cliché act of I'm a woman and I can't find my phone in my woman bag. She lit up the screen and felt her brain explode. There it was. The cap. The same cap. And under it, Kyung Soo. What a coincidence, the guy next to her had the same hat and his name was also Kyung Soo. Her brain began shouting at her. It’s him. The guy seated next to her was the same guy on her phone screen, smiling to the camera with his bandmates. The familiar figure she saw coming in was Do Kyung Soo. Fuck this. Fuck this night, fuck those bottles of soju, fuck this restaurant, fuck this day, month and year. Her idol was there. And she was tipsy, talking about dick, without make-up, having a moment with her handbag and completely out of words. If she was 16, she would know what to say to him. Shriek a little bit and then profess her love for him. But she was an adult now, she couldn’t go around shrieking on idol’s face. She kept it cool, thank goodness. She didn’t stare at him, no part of her body was shaking. When Mister Kang spoke to her again, her voice was calm, low, a bit sexy maybe? “This machine is not working, you have any cash on you?” “No, nothing, what can I do?” “Stay here, have another drink, my daughter will arrive in half an hour, she knows how to fix this” That was a good idea “Ok, I will go back to my table” “No, stay here, actually you arrived at the right time, let me introduce you to my friend” Fuck this chef too. “This is Do Kyung Soo, he is coming for some personal lessons, Wanna stay too? Kyung Soo, she used to be my student, she could help us too” A lot was happening in a short time and her slow brain couldn’t process it, so it shut down. Because it is always better to give up than try right? “It's a pleasure to meet you, I’m Kyung Soo” He offered his hand, and yes, her brain wasn’t working, but you didn’t need a brain to be polite. She shook his hand and introduced herself. He answered with a warm smile, and oh shit, it was really him. Mister Kang lead the conversation. He would say something good about her, or comment on something on her curriculum and Kyung Soo would gasp in surprise and she would act shy and humble. Fake shy and humble of course, she had a hell of a curriculum “She spent a year in Spain learning about their cuisine, she brought some really good recipes, Hey! You could teach us some right now, Kyung Soo is taking the test for the cooking certification and …” You didn’t need a brain to shout ‘Really?!’ and jump on your seat excitedly “Yes…is an old dream of mine” She felt like pinching his cheeks “Kyung Soo was just telling me that he is a bit scared because is a hard test” “It is…but is very intuitive, if you practice enough and you know your ingredients you know that some recipes can be cooked in one way only or that they need some ingredients to be what they are” “Yes, like salt, everything needs salt” Mister Kang was joking, and it was a bad joke, but she was still tipsy, and Kyung Soo was too polite not to laugh. A new customer arrived and Mister Kang went to take their order. Now that they were alone and that her brain and body felt a bit sober, she was brave enough to speak up. When the three of them were talking, she couldn’t stop thinking about telling him how much she admired him. This was a once in a lifetime kind of thing, and she knew that Kyung Soo was the kind of guy who would appreciate a word of support. So as soon as they were left alone, she took a deep breath, clenched her fist and went for it “Kyung Soo?” He immediately looked up from his plate and gave her all his attention. What should she say now? I’m your fan sounded superficial. I love you was way too much. It has to be something in between. Something that expressed the support of a fan and the devotion of a friend. “Kyung Soo, I just wanted to tell you that your work has helped me through some hard times, has kept me rooted and as filled me with nothing but precious feelings and a sense of love and proudness, so thank you, I’m very grateful for your existence and I hope you know that you will always have my unconditional support” The surprise and shock on his eyes was comical. She caught him unprepared. She would have been scared by his silence, but she knew him well, he was looking for the right words “I wouldn’t have thought you were a fan” “Why?” “Our fans tend to be younger” Of course she wasn’t offended by it, she always felt a bit older than the fans around her at concerts. But Kyung Soo’s regret was excessive. He apologized immediately “Don’t worry, I know what you mean, I’m always called the big sister, I’m a couple of months older than you though” Kyung Soo looked down, smiling, his legs fidgeting “What you said, applies to our group…or I’m your …favorite?” How could he look so shy asking something like that? He should be used to this “Did I make you uncomfortable?” He moved his hands in front of her face “No, not at all, it’s just…you never really get used to this, people giving you their attention and care without really knowing you” “Well, we know each other now” She heard herself and could punch her face. She sounded so horribly flirty when she said that. She knew that voice. It was her hunting voice. She used it whenever she encountered a cute boy. Maybe she was still tipsy. But that wasn’t the worst thing. The worst thing was that Kyung Soo reacted to her flirty hunting voice. He stopped fidgeting, he squared his shoulders and grinned at her “Yes, now we know each other” Before Mister Kang arrived, they clinked their glasses holding each other’s stares for a couple of seconds.

The three of them stayed talking about cooking for about an hour. At one point Kyung Soo grabbed a notepad from his backpack and began taking notes. He giggled none stop when she and Mister Kang got into a heated argument about which was the best way to cook fish. It was almost midnight, time for Mister Kang to close the restaurant, but he invited them both to his kitchen so she could teach them how to cook duck. They were ready to start, apron on, hands clean and all the ingredients ready to use. She was teaching them how to marinate it when Mister Kang’s wife called him “Go on without me, please teach Kyung Soo, we can’t lose this beautiful duck” He left in a hurry and they stayed there staring at the place where he used to be “Could you go on? I have never cook duck and I really want to learn, I’m a bit intimidated by it” She looked at him and was reminded again that this was a once in a lifetime thing, so she grabbed the knife and began to quarter the bird. She taught him step by step, giving him time to take notes and answering all his questions. It was clear he wasn’t just an amateur, he knew a lot and he had a really good technique. The last step, putting the duck in the oven left them with nothing to do for an hour. It was already the next day. She should be tired after a day of teaching and cooking, but she wasn’t. She never felt tired when cooking “You are very good giving instructions” He complimented her. She was too flustered by his quirky compliment. As they waited for the duck to be cooked and golden, she opened a can of beer she found on the fridge and shared it with him. They cleaned the kitchen table together and as they did so, they began exchanging stories. She told him how she got into Spanish cuisine, the struggles, the distance, etc. He also shared a lot. Some things she already knew, but others were new. How cooking with his mom caught his interest. How happy it made him when people liked his food, and her favorite “I’m so bad at expressing how I feel with words, cooking became the way I tell my members that I love them” There wasn’t a right way to answer to that. Anything she could say wasn’t enough. So she only smiled fondly at him and he answered with a shy smile. It was so weird because she knew all his gestures, the shy shake of his head, the grin when something was slightly amusing and the heart smile and crunched eyes when something was hilarious. The way he scratched the back of his head when embarrassed or pouted when he was thinking about something. She knew all of them. But he was now there, in flesh, and everything seemed new. Or maybe not new, but brighter than on a screen or a picture. She always thought that when she attended their concerts. They are so much more beautiful in person. But know, having him so close, brushing shoulders as they moved around the kitchen, she realized that he really didn’t need a sequined jacket to shine “Why did you decide to become a chef?” He brought her back from her silent devotion and answered him, feeling weirdly comfortable talking to him. She knew that he was listening, paying attention to everything she was saying, and that was very encouraging. Kyung Soo was telling her about the first time he burned his meal when he was 12 years old, almost causing a fire, when the bell of the oven rang. The duck was ready. When she took it out of the oven, Kyung Soo looked at her as if she was caring a bag of diamonds and walked behind her, almost resting his chin on her shoulder, so close she felt him against her back “Calm down Kyung Soo” She joked, but he ignored her “I’m so excited, let’s try it” “Of course we are eating it, do me a favor, in that cabinet over there, Mister Kang keeps his wines, bring a bottle” “Can we do that?” He asked innocently “Of course, I gave him most of them, don’t worry” Kyung Soo followed her instructions with a bit of uncertainty, but did it anyway. She felt a complicity between them that felt invigorating. As they ate, they kept talking about food. She couldn’t remember talking so much about food with someone, not even her colleagues. Kyung Soo professed his great admiration. He knew a lot, but she was sharing with him little tricks and secrets you could only learn with practice “You know what issue I have with food, especially Korean food or Japanese food? It never tastes as good as in restaurants or…is just never good enough” She got that question from her students quite often “Oh, that’s easy, you are using store-bought soy sauce and miso right?” “Yes…of course” “No, to get the best flavor you have to ferment your beans my boy” Damn it her mouth. He didn’t react, thank god “At home?” She nodded, sipping from her glass “You know how?” His interest had him almost crawling on top of the table “Of course, I have been mastering the art of fermenting for years, I have a beautiful pot of miso that has been fermenting for a year now” “Really?!” This was the louder she had ever heard him speak. Ever. His excitement made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world “Wanna come and see?” She bit her tongue, this was her tipsiness speaking. She was slightly drunk again. She was going to take it back, but Kyung Soo was faster “Yes, I would love to see it” He answered looking very solemn “Oh…ok, ok let’s go then” They both got up, holding into their chairs “Are you drunk?” She asked him, sounding quite drunk “You too!” They giggled together “Ok, are you driving?” “Not anymore, I live three streets away from here, we are walking, the fresh air will help us with our tipsiness” As Kyung Soo took the plates to the sink she went to communicate Mister Kang their plans for the night, he and his wife exchanged an accomplice look and moved their eyebrows suggestively “OK, I’m not friends with you two anymore” She walked away slightly angry, and very flustered “Everything ok?” He asked her when she appeared in the kitchen, looking weird, for sure “Nothing, he said to leave everything there, he would clean it tomorrow” She lied, just to mess with Mister Kang.

The streets were empty, and the night felt delicious. Fine dust-free, fresh and calm. They took a deep breath at the same time, and laughed with complicity. He looked at her smiling softly, a smile that always set so well on her heart "Thank you so much, I have learned a lot with you" It sounded like parting words, but he was walking with her to her house, they still had some time ahead, she was sure "Least I could do Kyung Soo " "What do you mean?" She was surprised by his question, what else could she mean? "As my idol, you have done a lot for me, this is my way to pay you" He laughed a bit surprised "Right, I completely forgot about that" He kept laughing, so adorably that she felt like slapping herself to come out of the stupor “It wasn't weird for you when I confessed that I was your fan?” She asked focusing on her feet walking, kind of scared of his answer “No at all, weren't you uncomfortable with meeting me?” “You must know that people feel very comfortable around you” He smiled, hiding his expression, focusing on his walking feet too “I'm glad, I'm glad you weren't intimidated” “Dumbfounded maybe, intimidated never” He smiled even shyly than before and she decided to cut it there, she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable "Are you afraid of the test?” He moved his head undecidedly, not a yes or a no “You are a great student, I'm sure you are going to do great at the exam" His eyes shined with excitement "I can't wait actually, How was it? When you took the exam" That was 6 years ago, but it felt even longer "I was terrified, and I had to cook the meal that I didn't like and I wasn't very good at, but I remembered something Mister Kang told me, He said, remember that you are not a chef because you are super smart, or good at math or super good at memorizing stuff, you are becoming a chef because you are good at feeding people and there are no mistakes on that, your food is going to be good always... I know it was a bunch of crap, he does that a lot, but it made sense to me, I'm a great cooker, everybody said so since I'm ten, so how could I screw it? I got in with that mentality, and I did great, just be careful with the technique, cut things as you should, with the right knife and the right angle, be careful with no contaminating your flavors and with the nutritional rules, careful with your salt and oil, the rest is up to your practice and talent, and you have those" "Thank you" “You got this…and we are here” She stopped on her tracks as they reached her building. She began feeling incredibly nervous. She felt her nape tingling and her stomach heavy “Lead the way then” And she did, although her limbs felt stiff. A part of her was feeling weird bringing a stranger to her house. In her short life, she had done that twice, and the guys weren’t complete strangers. Although thinking it better, Kyung Soo wasn’t a stranger either. He felt more like a long-time friend. They climbed the set of stairs and walked down the hallway to the last door. She began looking for her keys in her handbag and soon as her hands touch the cold object she remembered something. The several posters hanging in her walls. Specifically the one of Kyung Soo. That could screw things up and turn everything horribly awkward “Ok, Before you get in, you have to give me 10 minutes” He looked at the door and then at her a bit lost “Oh, Ok, you have to clean or something?” “Yes... Clean” She got in quickly, trying to open the door the least possible. She turned on the lights and she was immediately faced with the framed posters. Two group ones, one of Kyung Soo and another of Sehun. She was one of those. She liked all of them. She grabbed the four frames, one by one, and hid them in the small guest room. She didn’t bother with hiding her Eribong and the records. He already knew she liked Exo, but maybe see himself adorning her walls could be a bit too much. As soon as she was done, she let him in before he regained his senses and run away “Everything is settled, just don't go into that room” She pointed at the closed door where she hid the frames “Did you hide your husband in there?” “Yeah, something like that” The irony of all. He looked a bit shocked “Kyung Soo I was joking, there is no husband there” “Ok, just making sure, where is the Miso?” He sounded very excited, looking around the house, so she guided him into her small but proud kitchen. He followed her inside like a happy puppy and didn’t leave her side as she opened her fermentation station, and took out the crock with the bean gold. She made him wash his hands before allowing him to open the croc, smell it and taste it. He gave her a look. A look she didn’t know. If she had to describe it, she would say it was ambition “Tell me how you did it and I will get you front row tickets for our next concert” She reached for his hand and shook it energetically “You got yourself a deal my boy” She commented, not feeling embarrassed about her weird drunk persona anymore “You call people my boy when you are tipsy?” “I think so” She explained to him the entire process, giving him time to write down her indications. What beans to use, temperatures, times, how much salt, where to keep it, sealing process and all the details to master an ancient custom “It looks like a lot of work” He commented, closing his small notebook and scratching the back of his head “It is, and time too, but it’s worth it, and you will see” “I will?” “Yeah, you can’t go without trying it, I’m going to prepare you some miso soup” His face lighted up as when they called his name in awards shows, maybe more “Also, as you may know, from the fermentation of the miso we can obtain Tamari sauce, I’m going to grill you some fish with it, I have a small bottle so I only use it for special occasions, and this is one” She saw him beam, and he didn’t need to say anything to show how joyful he felt. As she moved around the kitchen, he asked her a question she was glad to answer “When did you start liking us?” “You guys debuted the same day I took the exam, When I arrived home you were performing and I felt a connection, like we were all starting something that day…then my life kept moving on and you guys were there, I did so many things, work in a super busy restaurant, live in Japan, Taiwan, then Spain then I came back to Korea and Exo was there always, it was the only constant thing, you guys gave me a feeling of…family, home maybe, that’s why I Iove Exo and I support and love all of you” “Ah, you are one of those who supports every member” She nodded smiling, as she took the pot out of the stove “I’m one of those, I even support the ones that left” He thanked her, sounding too solemn for the situation. As she was serving the grilled fish, she asked for Kyung Soo to bring a bottle of Soju from her fridge. If he saw the number of magnets stuck on her fridge with his face on it, he didn’t make a comment, she did hear him chuckle softly. She took the food to the small dining table in front of her window and sat in front of him. Their knees touched under the table, the cold denim of his pants brushing her naked knees. It was so weird and a bit scary how comfortable and familiar his company was. He served them both a glass of Soju and then lifted his small glass “Let’s make a toast for the lack of oxygen” She felt a sweet tingle in her chest “Aw, that’s a fermentation toast! for the lack of oxygen!” They toasted for the second time that night, and she didn’t let go of his stare. He didn’t seem bothered “But for real Kyung Soo, oxygen is our worst enemy when it comes to this” “Noted” He answered as he drank the entirety of his glass. They shared that simple meal surrounded by a bubble of familiarity and trust. Kyung Soo ate with enthusiasm, something that was always priceless for a chef. His glossy cheeks got rounder and rounder, his happiness growing with each bite of food. He thanked her for the experience several times. One time he even reached over the table and grabbed her hand giving it a single squeeze and then released her as if burned by the touch, realizing what he had done. She was calm. Of course, her heart was beating fast since he got inside her house. But besides that, she was calm. Because she has known him for a while. He felt like a friend. Obviously, for him, it wasn't the same. He had just met her. But he didn't look bothered by it, or her. Quite the opposite. She dared to say that he was enjoying her company. A lot. He was seeking her company too. He accepted her invitation to her place, and it was now almost two in the morning and he was still there, sharing moments of his life, making her laugh, asking her about her past. All his focus on her. She felt her ego bloom inside of her. Maybe this could… She stood up, trying to run away from her thoughts, startling Kyung Soo “Hey, what about some ramen, I can add some water to the broth, some more homemade miso and we got ourselves some good ramen” She was running away from her thoughts, but now she was using or implying the most cliché thing in modern culture. Inviting him ramen. But Kyung Soo was innocent enough to not know what it meant. “You are inviting me ramen?” He asked, lifting his eyebrows, clearly making fun of her. She clearly didn’t know him well enough “Don’t make fun of me or I’m not cooking you anything and forget about the miso I was about to pack for you” He apologized, laughing, not sorry at all. She cooked and packed in silence, which made Kyung Soo asked her if she was mad about three times. She packed him Miso for about two or three meals and brought two bowls of ramen to the table. He looked at it with bulged eyes “All this for just a bunch of songs?” The way he said it, his surprised tone and the despective manner he used to refer to that ‘bunch of songs’ and just how suitable that comment felt to the entire situation threw her into a fit of laughter that brought tears to her eyes. He laughed with her and kept bumping his knees with hers under the table, telling her to calm down, that it wasn’t that funny. But it was. The entire situation, since he got into the restaurant until now looked like a very well-tailored joke. They finished their ramen, cheeks red, tummies filled and lips still tasting the familiar flavor of simple dishes “Are you dating someone? You have a boyfriend or girlfriend?” She jumped on her seat. The question caught her off guard “No I don’t have one of those, why?” He moved his plate to the side and straightened his back “If we want to move on with the night, I need to know that” She noticed that Kyung Soo’s attack…or maybe signature way of conveying something was to look straight into your eyes. And the eyes that looked at you were powerful, dark and deep. It was impossible to look away “You are drunk” She said, hiding her nervous smile behind her glass of soju “I’m not, are you?” And as some kind of power move, he drank the last bit of soju from his glass “I mean, it’s there, but we ate a lot and I can hold it, I'm not drunk” And if she went over what they had done during the night, she could tell she wasn’t drunk. She hasn’t lost her train of thought not a single time, on the contrary, all her attention was directed to him. Also, her mouth wasn’t that loose. Yes, she called him ‘My boy’ a couple of times, but she didn’t tell him ‘You look hot and juicy like a chicken thigh, and I want to take a bite out of you” Which was a real thing she said once and got her a wonderful one-year-long relationship. For the three bottles of soju and half a bottle of wine she drank, she was feeling fresh as a lettuce, cucumber, and celery. And Kyung Soo said he felt the same. He trapped her legs with his under the table and made her look at him again “What do you mean with move on with the night?” She asked him, looking at his chest, not his eyes. She knew better “I’m thinking what you are thinking” She shook her head “I’m not thinking anything, I’m not allowing myself to do so” He moved his head into her line of sight and grinned at her, moving a hand across the table, reaching for hers, drawing circles with his thumb on the back of her hand “I want to be something more than your idol today”. Her heart and brain stopped working for a solid minute. In the future, she would imagine all the smarts comebacks she could have used. But that was the future, because now, she was shaken to the bone. Her body was smart enough to avoid questioning what he meant with that and instead busied itself with another shore. She stood up quickly and began picking up the plates from the table. Maybe Kyung Soo would see that as a signal to leave. She didn’t want him to leave. But she needed to do the best for her. The water began filling the sink when he asked her from across the room “What is there for dessert?” He wasn’t planning on leaving, that was sure. She could sense a playfulness in his voice, and her brain and heart began working again. Kind off. Her brain was about to betray her for the last time that night “For dessert... Me!” She followed with a loud curse, bumping her head with the rack on top of the sink “Sorry, I take back what I said, I'm drunk, only drunk me speaks like that” She didn’t look at him. But she still could tell what he was doing. He could hear him stand up and walk to the kitchen “It's ok, is not like I was going to refuse that dessert” His voice sounded so close she could feel his heat near her “I asked you before who was your favorite, you said all of us, I don't believe it” “It's true!” She did her best to sound undisturbed “I do understand that you support all of us, thank you for that, but there must be one of us that's different” The first thing she felt was his hand caressing her back. Just a light brush with his knuckles across one of her scapulae “Well...” His touch worked like a spell apparently, she was actually considering answering “Yeah?” The touch of his knuckles disappeared and now she could feel his hand resting on her waist, very lightly, but the feeling was there, dominant “Junmyeon is very handsome” He must have heard her indecisiveness because he didn't take her answer as definitive “Jongin is a God” Her answers weren’t still good enough for him because he kept trying to squeeze words out of her “And we all worship him and?...” He completed. Why was he so sure that she wasn't being honest? “And you” Her voice lost volume, but not sincerity “You are different” “How different?” “You are cute” She didn’t notice the water was about to overflow the sink, so Kyung Soo reached for the faucet and turned it off. His body pressed her against the edge of the sink and now she could feel his chest against her back. Her legs wobble for a second “I know that, but no, I know that I'm an out layer, but how am I different to you?” He put clear emphasis on the last word and made no attempt on moving away from her, if anything he was closer, his chin almost resting on her shoulder. She couldn’t understand why her body wasn’t pushing him away, it was basic self-defense “Why are you asking all this?” “I need to know, and I need you to know” No, they didn’t need to know anything. She spent a big part of the night trying to ignore whatever she was feeling. Everything. But she was weak “I dream with you a lot, well not a lot, but I often dream about you, and not with the other guys” Clearly her mouth had become an independent entity, completely emancipated from her brain. Kyung Soo sighed softly next to her hear, took a step back and turned her around, grabbing her by the waist “What kind of dreams?” He asked with a grin. She smacked his arm, giggling and making him smile “Not that kind of dream dummy” She gasped, embarrassed for calling him that “It’s ok, call me names if you want, your boy, dummy, I don't care” She liked that. For someone who complained about not being good with words, he was nailing it with the sweet talk “Kyung Soo, let me finish what I was saying before, you are cute, but to me you look the most mature and cold headed, I like how you just do what you are comfortable with, image-wise, work-wise, that’s so manly... And also you are just so cute I could... I could kiss you” He looked at her slightly alarmed “Ok, I heard that before! What's this thing with people wanting to kiss other people because they are cute?” His mood changed for a moment to honest curiosity “You know when kids are so cute you just want to pinch their cheeks?” “Yeah” “Ok, it's like that but for adults” He began nodding slowly, his mouth a perfect O, eyes serious and eyebrows furrowed. She really wanted to kiss him there “Oh, that's what they mean... So... I'm being cute now? Do you want to kiss me?” She had to recognize that in order to deliver all that sweet talk he had to have equal parts of confidence and vulnerability. It was only fair to do the same “You have been cute the whole night” She couldn’t meet his eyes, she wasn’t as daring as him “Then kiss me” He grabbed one of her hands and placed it on his face. His round cheek felt soft and warm resting on her hand. She caressed him out of reflex and Kyung Soo closed his eyes, smiling. Since he had his eyes closed, she felt a bit bold. She leaned in, but the rush of braveness had a short life. Fear made her stop “You are being so unfair Kyung Soo” He opened his eyes wide “Why?” She took a deep breath, twice “Let's say that I like you and we sleep together, What about you? I could see this as me sleeping with a man I like, but you see this as sleeping with someone, one more” “But it's not like that” She couldn't know that for sure. He could be just a smooth mother fucker who really knew what to say to get into someone's pants. There was no way she could come out of this unharmed. She was going to say no. This wasn't something she could or should do. And not with this guy. It was too risky. But as she made that decision, a thought came to her mind. A premonition. She saw herself in the future. Five or ten years of marriage, with one baby on one arm and one on the way. Husband out with his friends and she in front of the TV watching the last episode of the most popular drama of the season and there, on the TV, Kyung Soo. Older but sexier, perfect and talented as always. And she saw herself thinking ‘I could have hit that, yes, now my life is a dumb cliché, but I could have had that memory’ So she dropped her previous decision through the window. Maybe she didn't deserve this, but her version of the future deserved it. She still could end up like that, two kids and a husband, but she would have the memory of that time she slept with her idol. So she went and did what her heart, brain, and body told her. She cupped his face with both hands, pulling him down to her. He didn’t resist, he followed her guidance.

She didn’t close her eyes until their lips met. Watching him so close, seeing his pretty eyelashes flutter and his eyes react to her touch. She felt him smile but was quick to answer her kiss. She held him softly and kissed him the same way. She knew he wasn’t going to reject her, so she didn’t have to be this careful. But since he gave her the control of this situation she wanted to do it her own way. Slow, so she could enjoy it. So she could enjoy the softness and fullness of his lips. The remains of the saltiness of the miso ramen were still there, making the kiss comforting and familiar. Something soothing for the end of a charged day. Kyung Soo followed her when she pulled back and brought their lips together again. This time under his rules. Heatedly, nudging at her lip with his tongue. One of his hands rested on her back and the other one at her nape, his fingers sinking in her hair. His kiss was demanding, his lips reaching to hers over and over again. She was breathless when he pulled back, but finding that he was too, gave her some assurance. Said assurance made her go and grab him again. He chuckled. A chuckle that sounded like triumph. His kiss was still intense, and hers too. Her hands went from his face to his chest, encircling his body pulling him closer to her. He was so warm. And he smelled so good. And his body felt right. He just felt right and perfect between her arms. But his kisses were better than all that. When their lips parted, he opened his eyes, gently watching hers and caressed her cheeks with his hand. He passed his arm around her shoulders and pressed her against his chest hiding his face in her neck. She called his name so that he would look at her, but he ignored her. She patted his back calling his name again and she only got a grunt telling her that he was listening. And she preferred in this way. Talking would be way easier for her if he wasn’t looking at her with those beautiful eyes. She was feeling so nervous because one-night stands weren't a thing she practiced on the regular, or ever. The times weren’t optimal to practice such activities with so many weirdos walking around and also she wasn’t interested. And in her modest opinion, Kyung Soo should be as careful as she was. In his case, as an idol, he was prone to encounter weirdos too. And she let him know. He moved his face from her neck. Only his face because his arms remain holding her tightly “You trust me?” He asked “I do... What about you Kyung Soo, do you trust me?” He nodded, smiling gently “I'm worried though, you shouldn't go around sleeping with fans” She wasn’t joking, and he didn’t take it as a joke either. His lips formed a straight line and his eyes went from sultry to solemn “I don't, this is the first” She believed him “And you decided to let yourself go with me?” “I trust you” That was all she needed to know. They both were on the same ground now. In terms of trust, experience, and want. She moved her hands up his chest and began feeling him, a hint of playfulness in her touch and her voice “What else?” He smiled shyly and rested his forehead against hers "You are funny too, talking to you has been an experience, you are also very attractive” It was nice of him to notice it. His lips were only inches away from hers, she could feel his warm breath, his eyes almost closed and waiting for her to kiss him again. She placed her palm behind his neck to bring him closer and placed her lips over his. The sensation she felt was stronger than before and she felt overwhelmed with the promise of the night or what was left of it. He let go of her lips with a smack but held her face close “You must know though that you are not sleeping with D.O…right?” “No, this is Do Kyung Soo” He pecked her lips smiling “You made very clear that you wanted to be more than my idol tonight” “I can’t believe I said that” She laughed with him, kissing him before answering “It was great, don’t regret it” “I don’t” Along the night she came to learn that Kyung Soo was touchy. And not just now, but throughout the night he has always being…close. He sat really close to her at the restaurant, when they were cooking at Mister Kang’s kitchen he was always behind her posing his hand on her lower back so she wouldn’t clash with him. When they later arrived at her house the closeness just increased, as the light caresses. And now that they kissed he just let himself go. His hands knew no boundaries. His palms were around her neck and his fingers between his hair in one moment, and then they moved to her back, her sides, gently playing with her shirt from time to time feeling her hot skin under his fingers. It was then that he finally broke the kiss and placed soft kisses on her neck. She breathed hard as she felt his tongue on her neck playing with her skin “Take me to your bedroom” He whispered feverishly in her ear, rubbing his growing, and promising erection against her thigh. Thank god he was holding her by the hips or she would have landed face first in the ground. What kind of wet dream was this? And if this was a dream she needed to show more dignity. She grabbed his hand, kissing him one last time just in case, and walked him the short distance from her kitchen to her bedroom. He walked behind her, close to her as always and when she let him inside her room he gasped in surprise “What?!” She asked looking around her room searching for what had shocked him but couldn’t see anything “You have a plushy of me, I knew I was your favorite” She looked at the spot he was looking at and found, on top of her bookshelf, her Duduya. The typical plushy of him with the cute ears and the heart-shaped lips, that was a gift from her friend “No…it’s just the cutest one” “Liar” Kyung Soo’s voice sounded deeper, even when smiling. His hands kept leaving warm paths over her body. She didn’t think he was conscious about it. He was just touching her. Because apparently, he liked doing so. And she was enjoying it too. She always enjoyed being touched. Caressed, hugged, pressed against someone’s body, spooned. A caress could unleash an outburst of dopamine. She was on an overdose of dopamine now. His hands traveled to her chin, cheeks, ears and down her neck to plant small kisses all over her collarbone. And she could do the same to him. She could touch him however she wanted to, so her hands were to roam around his shoulders, back and brush his hair. An old dream of hers. He was allowing her to do it. He felt relaxed and exposed. She was glad she could give him that trust. Apparently he felt like that with her from the beginning. And she didn’t do it on purpose. Things just developed in this way. Hopefully Kyung Soo didn’t think the opposite “Kyung Soo I swear to god I didn’t invite you here to do this” She pushed him away from her and he was shocked, his lips pursed comically “I swear I only wanted to feed you” His pursed lips turned into a merry laugh, throwing his head back. She felt like loving him. She could actually love him if he promised to laugh like that “You just wanted to feed me?” “Yeah, I could see how passionate you are about food, and I love talking about food, and I wanted to share it with you” “Ok, you didn’t invite me here to have sex, but at least you invited me to be friends with me right?” She nodded, really liking what he said “I think I did, I like that” He bent down and placed a few kisses over her cheeks making her release a relax chuckle. He kissed her once on her lips and before deepening the kiss, as she wanted, he asked her “Just to be clear, we are still doing it right?” “Yes, of course, we are still doing it” He kissed her lips greedily again and she left out a quiet groan into his lips as she felt his warm palm sliding under her t-shirt leaving a trail. Her heart was beating like there was no tomorrow, feeling only pleasant sensations with his fingers on her skin and his mouth on her neck making wonders. Until now she held his shoulders but now her hands daringly moved down his back exploring him. They were itching to do so. She felt the muscles of his back, his waist, and her hands, possessed by the devil for sure, went lower and held to his…bottom. He jolted and a chuckle merged with a moan, but he didn’t complain. He only moved closer to her, pushing her to the edge of her bed. His hands got rid of her t-shirt quickly and as her shoulders were visible now, he found a new patch of skin he could kiss and taste. She liked that, a whole lot, but she wanted to enjoy the same privileges. She took off his black t-shirt quickly, but in the way knocked off his glasses “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” She grabbed them carefully from the floor and handed them to him “Thank you, I need those to see you” She felt weirdly flustered by his words. He put them on and arranged them on the bridge of his nose. She always liked when he did that. Her body was now freed from his grip, and she had finally a moment to take a step back, metaphorically, and look at him.

She felt herself flushing by the sight of his well-formed body. She knew she was now in a position of privilege and felt greedy about it. She lifted a shaking hand to the side of his neck and descended slowly to his collarbone, she brushed his clavicle with her fingertips and then slid her palm down to his chest. She rested her hand there, watching his chest move up and down fast and hard. She knew he was looking at her, and she hoped her eyes weren’t really showing how delighted she was feeling, how much she wanted him. It could look weird, maybe scary “I want to…I want to do the same” He whispered. She looked up and if she wasn’t showing her desire, Kyung Soo was. She felt his eyes burning her skin. She wanted to feel those eyes all over her skin. She moved her hands to her back, unclasping her bra, and before the garment even hit the floor, Kyung Soo was already sucking the skin of her right breast. She moaned loudly, arched her back and grabbed a hand full of his hair. His hand gripped her harshly but his lips were soft and moved slowly over her breast. He brushed her hair aside and sank his face in her neck, but didn’t feel his lips on her. He had stopped “Can I?” He asked, his lips brushing her earlobe. She had absolutely no idea what he was asking permission for. It was clear they were going to have sex, she had already agreed on that, quite easily. They were already half-naked also. So she asked him what he wanted “Let me leave a mark” His voice vibrated from her neck down the length of her body. She wanted to shout at him, do whatever you want to me! but she refrained to whisper a yes. After that, Kyung Soo’s lips stopped being soft, and they sucked every patch of skin he found and his teeth bit down here and there, not hard to hurt but enough to burn. His kisses were different too. His tongue was very much involved now, and it was wonderful. The kisses were deep, possessive, filthy. She began moaning and his hands showed her he really enjoyed that. He grabbed her by the hips and pushed her to the bed. He crawled on top of her, kissing her the entire time, and didn’t stop until she was finally laying in bed. His lips kept devouring her skin. From her lips to her waist, up and down. Her favorite was when he would stop at one of her breasts and his lips would capture the tip as his hand caressed the other breast. She showed her pleasure in different ways, moaning, caressing and scratching his back and neck or rubbing her leg against his erection. Her breath was deep and fast and she allowed herself to be loud since her neighbor was away on vacation. The heat inside her started to grow and she needed more now. Kyung Soo sat up straddling her legs and grabbed the girdle of her jeans, touching her skin playfully. She wiggled her hips, hurrying him up. He smirked at her and with quick fingers undo her jeans. He pulled them down with such force that she could have fell butt first on the floor. They laughed as she rearranged herself on top of the bed and he threw her pants across the room. She panicked a little bit when he removed his pants and saw his hard member through his boxers. He joined her on the bed, grinning and kissing her just as his crutch rubbed against her. She showed her appreciation vocally. He began rolling his body against hers and she cradled him between her legs to intensify the sensations. Their moans blended into their kiss. Every time he tugged her lower lip between his teeth, she would lift her hips rubbing his hard-on. So he would repeat his action to get her reaction. They remained playing like that for a while until she ran out of patience. Her fingers traveled from his shoulders down to his back until she reached the edge of his boxers. Her touch made him groan and helpfully he took care of his underwear and hers.

She really wanted to touch him. Get him ready for what was about to happen, but he had a better idea. Kyung Soo knelled next to her bed, grabbed her by the hips and pulled her to the edge of the bed. He dropped some open mouth kisses on her thighs and tummy locking eyes with her. There was some shine between his eyebrows, his cheeks were pink and his lips looked somehow bigger. He was a sight to be seen. She knew what he wanted to do, but he was drawing out the situation way too much “Are you waiting for my permission or something? you know you don’t need it” He giggled adorably and dropped another kiss on her inner thigh “I’m just appreciating the view, I can tell you eat well” “What do you mean?” She knew what he meant. How dare he say that “You are so soft” He said, nuzzling her hip “Oh, you meant that, you like it?” “I do, you are beautiful” He must have seen the surprise in her eyes, he grinned and tugged her body closer placing a kiss on her mount “So I don’t need permission?” “No, you can do whatever you want with me” She made sure to burn in her memory his eyes at that exact second, and how they made her feel “Bad idea” He whispered, as he gave the first lick and closed his eyes in pleasure. She knew she was insanely wet and was glad that he knew how to appreciate that. His lips attached to her immediately, sucking vigorously making her lose control of her body. Her hands were touching herself, then him, then grabbing her bedspread and then repeat. Her thighs were clenching his head, she worried, in the beginning, not hurt him, but it didn’t last long. Her mind wasn’t strong enough to think about more than him giving her oral. She gasped loudly as he slipped his finger inside of her, moving them slowly in and out of her. First, it was invasive, she tensed immediately, but after he gave her a perfect lick, she completely relaxed, and she was sure he noticed. She moaned and groaned with every movement. In general, she had a short wick, but now it was too much. She called his name a couple of times, alerting him, but he didn’t stop. She grabbed his head repeating his warning, and only then he stopped “I heard you, why you want me to stop? You said I can do whatever I want, I want you to come in my mouth” He didn’t even look away to say that. Apparently shyness wasn’t part of his language “Already?” He nodded and resumed his favors. After some seconds, she felt the familiar sensation of her orgasm taking over her body. His name was interrupted by a long moan as her body jerked. She placed her palm around his neck and pulled him up to kiss his lips. They were both smiling in the kiss. She was soothed and he was probably quite glad of his accomplishment. They exchanged some stares, some questions, making sure how they were both doing. And after he could corroborate she was ready for more, he graved her calves and bend her legs over her chest, attacking her bum. It was ticklish and electrifying, he bit and sucked the back of her thighs, sucked her clit and then moved to her other thigh. He turned her around and rested his body on top of her, biting her earlobe, kissing her neck and down her back until he reached her butt. He positioned her on her knees and grabbed her butt cheeks kissing them again. She felt his fingers on her clit again, and it felt like a small torture, he was planning on making her work for it or something? Then he attached his mouth to her again, giving her a slow lick, working on her entrance for a little while. She had to call him on that. Her little heart was going to explode “What do you want me to do?” He moved up and whispered against her hear “Fuck me” It couldn’t be simpler than that “If you want me to fuck you, you have to give me a condom” She turned her neck as much as he could so she could look at him “You are not carrying one?” She was honestly shocked and worried “What? I wasn’t planning on having sex tonight, I only came to visit an old friend” “And I appeared” “Yes” “What If I don’t have a condom” She asked cheekily “I doubt it, but we will have to settle with me only using my fingers…we could work it out” “Oh my god” She hid her face on the bedcover. He was exasperating. He had an answer for everything once he was pumped with confidence. Again she felt like she could love him. “There’s a box in the bathroom, on the cabinet, bring a couple” “A couple?” “Yeah, I have big hopes for you” He dropped a kiss on her lower back and got up laughing. He had no trouble finding them, which was weird for a guy, and came back straight to his duty. He turned her around again and got in on the bed on top of her “I brought two as you said” “Great, but before you put it on, I want to do something” He looked around nervously, stuttering a bit “Are you…you want to…” “Give you a blowjob? yeah” She could be shameless too “Oh…well, you see, If you do that I’m going to come immediately, let’s save it for later” She was a tiny bit disappointed, but the promise of later gave her a good feeling. He was planning on staying for a while, maybe the entire night, or what was left of it. He smiled at her and without a word spread her legs, positioned himself between them. After all the foreplay, Kyung Soo didn’t take any shortcuts, supporting his body with his hands on the bed and with the guidance of her hands, she felt the head of his member slowly entering her. She bit down her lip to control the sight of relief she released. When he was fully inside of her he waited a little for her to get accustomed to him and then slowly started to move. It burned, a good burn and she could risk saying that his soft grunts were better than his singing voice. She trapped him between her legs, she knew he liked that. He was in his element, and she was part of it. And she wanted to add to it. She arranged her hips so he could go deeper. But he stopped his movements, cursing loudly and sitting upright “What?! What happened?” He looked in pain and kept grabbing the right side of his waist “My hip, I got a cramp” He kept rubbing his right side profusely, a grimace of pain in his face. She kneeled in front of him caressing his thigh, not sure how to help him. His frown relaxed and he sighed when the pain was gone. They looked at each other in silence for a couple of seconds. She giggled first and he followed. The giggles turned into laughter, the kind of laughs that hurt your cheeks “Is the moment gone?” She asked cleaning her tears “No, of course not, look at me, still ready, let's change positions though” She did what he said looking between his legs, and yes, he was still ready “My pleasure” She sat on her knees and held on his shoulder, her other hand wrapped around his cock. Fucking finally. She rubbed him leisurely and he closed his eyes, tilting his head back. His neck was exposed, and she really wanted to bite him, but that couldn’t be right. Someone could see it, so she settled for a lick and a kiss. He moaned, caressing her thighs, encouraging her “You are on charge, what do you want me to do?” She whispered against his ear, biting his earlobe “Ride me” Ah yes, her favorite. He rested a hand on her back supporting her as she rearranged herself on top of him and allowed her to accommodate herself before lifting his hips. She could still feel his hand on her back, enjoying how reassuring it felt. His other hand went to her nape, bringing her face closer so he could rest his forehead against hers. His whispered words were supportive and inflated her ego. His eyes were warm, gentle and irresistible. His desire was shining from his eyes and she knew he could see the same on hers “Keep moving like that” He told her, caressing her neck and kissing her slowly, leading her pace with his tongue. She groaned, if she had to choose something from this night it would be his deep, full kisses. She wiggled her hips, trying to feel him even deeper and her arms circled around his neck. She pulled him closer to her chest, wanting one thing. He looked at her, sliding his hands up her sides, under her armpits and back to her shoulder blades, and with a strong grip he brought her chest to his mouth. His lips circled one of her nipples perfectly, sucking on it, his soft tongue brushing over it slowly and tortuously. She was hypnotized not only by the feeling but also by the image. His lips, eyes, cheeks. His rushed breathing and the grip of his arms. These were all things she wanted to remember, so her from the future had something to remember whenever she felt unhappy. He let go of her with a soft pop and met her eyes. She smiled at him and he pouted, grunting softly as he stretched his neck moving closer to her. He wanted a kiss. But how could he be so cute when asking for one? It felt unfair. She gave him want he wanted, and his hands kept busy as his thumbs started to play with the tip of her breasts making her moan and whine into his mouth “Perfect” He said, letting go of her lips to look at her. He caressed her lips with his thumb, and then moved down his hand over her neck, between her breast, caressing her belly from one side to the other and then stopped between her legs drawing circles on her clit “Perfect” He repeated looking at her liking his lips his mouth slightly open. She was already feeling her orgasm close, and she wanted to feel it. And she wanted to feel it with him, at the same time, although it was a bit greedy. She began to make good use of her muscles, softly contracting them around him, as her hips began to move with skill. He reacted immediately, biting her lower lip and grabbing her thighs. He asked for more, faster. And she obeyed. Their breathings were more and more irregular. Her hands held his head, fingers brushing through his soft hair. She called his name a few times in between loud moans, and whenever she did it, Kyung Soo would lift his hips as much as he could, increasing her bliss. There was a moment of desperation where she didn’t know what to do with herself, hug him? kiss him? crush him between her arms? grab his face, neck, shoulders? She wanted to do all that. She liked this so much, she was feeling this so much. It was maddening. Her thoughts were interrupted by the familiar heat spreading over her body. An overwhelming feeling of joy and loss of gravity. His arms encircled her waist with a wild force and she hugged him by the shoulders with the little strength she had left. He came with a grunt, and their bodies tensed at the same time. This orgasm was stronger than the one before. So much stronger and violent. Her spine tingled and a massive euphoric feeling took over her body. The wave moved up and down her body for a sprint of seconds. But it took her some minutes to calm down. They were still connected in a tight, tight embrace, panting, riding it out. She kissed him on his neck making him shiver and he nibbled anywhere his lips wanted. They let go of each other slowly. She was unable to meet his eyes, feeling vulnerable and a bit scared of god knows what, but he insisted, pulling her chin up. He was smiling at her, his eyes glowing “Can I stay?” Her voice was nowhere to be found so she only nodded and he cradled her on his arms moving her from his lap to his side. She was glad because her ability to move had left with her voice. He went out of bed, to get rid of the condom she suspected and came back quickly, laying down next to her. She closed her eyes, squeezing the last bits of satisfaction her orgasm gave her. Stretching her limbs, fondling her chest, whimpering softly, closing and opening her legs, rubbing them together “That’s a nice view” He commented, resting his head on her shoulder and passing a leg over hers. She wasn’t surprised to realize that he wanted cuddles after sex. His breathing hadn’t normalized yet, and he felt hot and damp against her. An overall great feeling “How are you feeling?” She could hear some hesitation in his voice, a bit of shyness too. She breathed in and out a couple of times, organizing her thoughts and finding her voice again “I’m feeling very good, you?” “Amazing” She turned around, facing him. He looked as he felt then, she thought. It was so hard to look away, to fight the need to touch him and hold him. It was so hard to fight the burning need of going for a second round. But why did she had to fight it? He wanted to stay. He wanted her as she wanted him. He trusted her enough to let his guard down and sleep with her, share a bed with her. So why fight it, when maybe he was feeling the same? He was looking at her the same way she was looking at him and he was seeking her touch too. The intentions were clear. She stopped fighting. She reached for his cheek, caressing his flushed skin, then his lips stopping there for a second. Her hand went down his neck, his round shoulder. His chest and stomach contracted to her touch and when her fingers reached his dick, he closed his eyes, releasing a long, shivering sigh. She felt so powerful “Oh fuck here we go again” He cleared his throat, fighting a smile “Now is your turn, do whatever you want”. A fuzzy feeling washed over her body. “Bad idea” She quoted him.

---

The ring of a phone woke her up. She was sure it wasn’t hers. It had to be Kyung Soo’s. As his name sounded on her head she felt a strange feeling, like a warning. She pretended she was still asleep. She felt his left arm clenching her waist as his other arm reached for his phone. He picked up, and the sound of his voice made her long for him again “No, I’m at a friend’s house” He answered, pulling her closer to his body “Ok, ok I’m on my way, ok, I will send you my location, I will wait for the taxi at the corner, ok, bye” He hung up and grunted in frustration against her nape “I don’t want to leave” He whispered bitterly “Are you awake?” She remained quiet, still, careful to control her breathing “I guess no” He whispered again, hugging her. She wanted to shout, to turn around, face him and not let him go. She wished he was a bit more daring, so he would wake her up with his kisses prompting her to beg him to stay. But she knew they wouldn’t do any of that. Kyung Soo got up from bed, went to the bathroom and then got dresses. She could only hear him, scared to open her eyes. He sat next to her and called her name, but she didn’t answer. He squeezed her hand and then got up. She was focusing on every sound he made so she could tell when he left, but he was staling at her living room, doing something. Some minutes passed until she could hear her front door close. She waited a couple of minutes before getting up. She walked to the living room with some difficulty, curious to see what he was doing. The container with miso she prepared for him was gone and on its place was his black cap. She grabbed it bringing it to her chest and under it, there was a note. -Thank you- And under those two words, his phone number.

---

Her meeting at the food magazine, where she did freelance work, had just finished when she got a call from a colleague asking her to cover him in one of his classes “It's an advanced class, you only have to answer questions, we are going over some dishes that are included in the exam” “Sure, don’t worry, I’ll be there” He thanked her profusely and sent the details of the class. The institute was known to her. She worked there for a year until she realized freelancing was more enjoyable for her. She arrived an hour earlier to great everybody and prepare herself for the class. She arranged everything they were going to use, put on her apron and got ready to receive her student. She checked the list of six students so she could be familiarized with their names. Her body went cold when she reached the third name. Do Kyung Soo. She cursed loudly, and her brain began preparing different ways to get out of the situation when someone opened the door of the room. Her first student. At it was him. Of course. He called her name softly, as taken aback as she was. His face was in complete shock and he didn’t move from the door until another student arrived “Kyung Soo, get in, what happened? Oh! Our new teacher, we were informed that for today we were going to have a replacement, good afternoon” She was able to relax when this other student came to greet her. The rest of the class arrived immediately after them and they all went to their stations. Kyung Soo’s was on the front, and as she introduced herself to the class he kept looking at her. He wasn’t happy. It was a two-hour class, but it felt like an eternity. She answered all their questions, enjoyed their company too. It was a very good group. But her back and neck were tensed the entire time. Kyung Soo didn’t ask a thing. He only spoke to her went he offered a slice of the roasted pork he prepared. He asked her what she thought. It was perfect. She didn’t have anything else to say. He thanked her and went back to his station. Everybody left after cleaning their station. Except for him. She was writing down the register of the class when he called her name “You have another class after this?” “No” Then there was silence as they kept looking at each other “I'm sorry” They said at the same time. The scene made laugh the both of them, breaking the tension. Some of it “I didn't know you took classes here If I knew I…I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable” “When our teacher sent us your name I was hoping it was you and not just a coincidence” She couldn’t answer. He chuckled bitterly and grabbed his bag, walking to her station. He looked so serious, but his eyes had a hint of sadness. She knew she was the one to blame for it “Why did you say sorry?” She asked him “I was very cold to you just know” She chuckled too, he was acting like that on purpose. She couldn’t blame him though “Why... Why did you pretend that you were asleep that morning?” She didn’t answer, didn’t know how to. Her shame made her look down at her hands “I could tell you were awake” He followed, taking a step closer. She took a deep breath scratching the back of her neck out of nervousness “Remember what I told you about you being unfair?” “About you having feelings and me just having a one-night stand?” She nodded “Well, I pretended I was still asleep because I was taking care of myself” She looked up, feeling slightly braver now she was opening up. He wasn’t serious anymore. His face looked calmer now, no more coldness. Still sadness though “I can understand that... In fact, I thought that was the reason, but what about my number? I left my number and my hat and you didn't call” “No, I didn't” “I left my cap so you could have an excuse to call me, I left my number so you could now I was interested in... Keep in touch” She smiled at him, slightly amused. He had really thought about, planned the entire thing. And also he was speaking so much and looking so vulnerable “I'm sorry... I think I'm not that brave” “It’s just that? Braveness?” “I couldn't, I... I didn't even know what to say” He took one more step and now was standing in front of her, arms reach “I thought you weren't interested” There it was again, the sad undertone. Again, she felt the necessity to be as honest as he was. It was what he deserved “I am, Are you?” “Very” “Oh, after one night?” He nodded briefly “Did you...did you enjoyed our time together?” “So much Kyung Soo, I enjoyed so much, it was so comfortable and exciting and so much fun!” She finished with a nervous laugh, and he laughed with her “It was so much fun!...I really enjoyed our night” She loved how he called it. Our night “But for me is simple, I don’t risk anything, but you Kyung Soo” He reached for her hand, squeezing it like that morning before he left “I can make it work, I want to make it work…that night was, I just…It is so hard for me to…you know” “I know” “And with you it was immediate, you clinked your glass with mine, looking at me in the eye, and I was gone” She couldn’t avoid feel so incredibly full of herself “Several times I wanted to go to your house, but I thought it would be disrespectful, I left my number at your place because it was your decision, I know what being with me could do to you” She cleared her throat, anxious by the meaning of his words “So you want to keep developing that feeling of frien…” He interrupted her sounding a bit exasperated “I want to date you” She gasped covering her mouth, honestly surprised. It never went through her head that he had that intention in mind. She thought he wanted a friend, a friend with benefits maybe. Not a girlfriend “I…are you sure?” He nodded quickly, almost drooping his glasses. He arranged them, pushing them up with his left hand, such a familiar and adorable move. And that move sealed the deal for her “I will like that…all you said Kyung Soo, I felt it too, and I thought it was because I felt like I knew you…but I've been thinking that’s more than familiarity” “It’s more than that, for sure” She looked at their linked hands and squeezed back. She felt him relax “You know if there are cameras in here?” She was confused by his question and looked around them searching for context “No, there aren't, I think it goes against the law” She felt his other hand on her lower back, bringing her closer to him “I’m going to kiss you then” He dropped a soft kiss on her lips, and moved back, looking at her reaction. How else was she going to react if not moving forward catching his lips, kissing him as she knew he liked it. Lustily, meaningfully. And the kiss he gave her was just the same. Whenever they moved apart with the intention of being mature and take this to a private and safer place, they would resume the kiss. It was clear for her that the week she spent wondering if she should call him, missing him, thinking about him was as hard for her as it was for him. She decided to be the responsible adult and gave him one last kiss taking some distance. Her hands couldn’t leave him though “Oh God, this is gonna bring us so much trouble” She said hugging him. He giggled sweetly, hugging her back, nestling his head on her neck. They stayed like that for a long minute until she felt him go stiff, his shoulders filled with tension “Before we move forward I have to tell you something” She grabbed his arms pulling herself away from him, defensive “What is it?” “I'm starting my service on July” She gasped almost theatrically, taking a big amount of air so she could curse him as he deserved it. “Son of a...” He stopped her with another kiss, holding her averting arms. She gave up slowly. For now. She would show him later.

THE END

Notes: Thanks to Brad Leoni from BA for all the fermentation talk.

This story is a little pleasure that I gave to myself. Hope you all enjoyed it as I enjoyed writing it.

Feedback is love.

#exosnet #Kyungsoo #do kyung soo #d.o smut #kyungsoo smut #d.o #dokyungsoo #exo fanfiction #kyungsoo fanfic #exo smut

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