#this just sucks. i’m gonna be so fucked up if this genuinely broke my hyperfixation

[creampuffqueen]

y’all ever have a fandom hyperfixation ruined by other fans

[takendruid]

Apologies for all the ranting I’m about to do. This is the ramblings of an autistic guy who’s been overstimulated by being outside for like 10 hours, and also is running on 6 hours of sleep.

I want to draw Aimi (my oc) and Overhaul, but I’m so tired right now. It’s 10pm (almost 11 actually now, I’ve been writing this for over 30 minutes). I cannot draw them otherwise I will get sucked into drawing for 6 fucking hours.

This is my OC btw, just for quick context.

I want. To draw Aimi and Kai. After Kai and Lady Nagant are arrested. And Kai is so broken,, and has finally (maybe) been able to see his father, and also perhaps apologised in some form to Eri. The heroes know Aimi was close to Kai, and that she’s the only person that’s technically innocent but still kind of complicit in his crimes. But because she’s a sane person who denounced his abuse of a literal child, and left him because of it, (and also because he’s quirkless) the heroes are like “maybe. Maybe this woman can actually help him. Somewhat.”

So they bring Kai to Aimi, and he is a broken man. She is heartbroken by the state of him, and all she wants to do is help him (and hold him, but she doesn’t. She respects his boundaries). The heroes are like “being in prison, and also being physically disabled, kind of broke him? Mentally? So can we entrust you to take care of him and maybe rehabilitate him. He will be on house arrest, and there will be a hero on alert if he ever tries anything. But can we trust him to you?” And Aimi is like “yes. But also. Can I build him prosthetics?? He’s quirkless, so he’s essentially harmless (but stretching the definition)”.

Heroes say yes. She builds him prosthetics.

I just. I want to draw them together so bad.

I don’t know if anyone would care about this, but people seemed to really want to know more about her, and see more of her. I’m gonna draw them again soon. I just,, I’m so fucking tired. I’ve been out all day today, and got 6 hours of sleep.

They mean so much to me. I can’t.

He’s still like,, mad germophobe. And she also has OCD, so she gets it and doesn’t judge him at all for his anxiety over her house being a bit messy. Their anxiety rivals each other, just over different things entirely. But also,, she’s a mechanic, so it’s also kind of hard for her to keep her house entirely clean, because she’s always doing shit and accidentally leaving the house a mess. But Kai gets on her case about it because “it’s dirty” and “it could attract bugs”

Taken try not to project onto every brown-haired OC he ever has challenge: Impossible. (The OCD part, not the amputee part.)

Overhaul cares about her so much in my silly little head, and the reason he could care about her so much is because she’s quirkless and “isn’t infected with hero sickness”. Also because she supported his desire for a quirkless world until he decided to bring a child into the fray, and torture and abuse a child. A YOUNG child. Aimi, reasonably, disagreed with that (as shown above) and left the Shie Hassaikai. He was so goal-focused and tunnel visioned that he immediately dropped the one person he genuinely cared about besides Chrono and his dad, and didn’t realise the consequences of his actions until it was too late and she had gone from his life. But he decided it was fine and a necessary sacrifice in order to move forwards, especially since he had other people to help him. But he missed her so greatly, but never let anyone know. Chrono caught on, but never pushed. All that mattered to Overhaul was his goal of a quirkless world, and then he could have Aimi back, not realising she would have hated him because he had tortured a little girl in order to get there.

These two had meant to much to me years ago, but I ended up leaving them behind since 1) I never gave Aimi a proper design all those years ago, and 2) I fell out of my BNHA hyperfixation. But me and my now ex-friend ended up associating this song with them:

This song is so them, please believe me guys. I swear I’m not insane. Specifically, SPECIFICALLY, this song is from Kai’s perspective

LIKE LOOK AT IT THAT’S SO THEM I’m insane. And tired. God please help me. Someone tell me to go to bed. If anyone read all the way this far and actually cares about my insane ramblings, tell me to go to bed. I’m so tired. But I love Aimi and Kai. I love them so much. They mean so much to me. The fact people have been loving them on here and saying they want more content has reminded me how much these two mean to me. I just needed to scream about them, and maybe someone will care and read all this.

Fun fact, Aimi didn’t used to be an amputee! But she’s always been a mechanic. Like she literally had her own agency at one point (I used to RP with my ex-friend my BNHA OCs, that’s how I got so attached to them). Aimi and Kai also had a kid, but that’s so OOC for Kai, I could never now. It would be so funny if he’s not even asexual, for so many reasons I won’t explain but you guys probably get. He probably is asexual (and he’s probably aromantic as well. I’m not projecting, I swear. Look at that silly man), and also probably very sex repulsed. Now I am projecting, but FUCKING LOOK AT HIM /ref.

Kai and Aimi would kiss on the lips and the lips only. That (autistic) OCD sex-repulsed asexual man would hurl at the thought of tongue being included. Me too, buddy. But also it would probably take a very long time for Kai to get to a point where he’s okay with even kissing on the lips.

Oh my god projecting onto this silly man has somehow helped me mentally disconnect him from my abuser somewhat. Accidental maybe trauma dump time? He looks like my abuser, so that’s mainly why I just abandoned Aimi. Because him looking like my abuser won out over me just loving him because of his character. But me going “yeah he’s autistic. He has OCD. He’s also asexual sex-repulsed, and probably aromantic too but let’s not talk about that” has helped. YAY healing!! It’s funny because my projection here isn’t just me being like “I love you, let me make you like me” my HCs are based on actual source material. I personally don’t fuck with characters being OOC, I like my HCs to be in-character. But that’s just a me thing :3

I need. To shut up now. It’s actually 11pm. But anyway. I’m gonna draw Aimi and Kai soon. Thank you to anyone (if anyone) who read this, reading the insane (not actually. I’m not insane, I’m just autistic and silly and tired) ramblings of me. I’m gonna make a Kaimi playlist because I love them. I’ll probably post it.

[sunny-luna]

We’re learning about positive psychology in Psychology and one of the things that got brought up is ‘looking back on happy memories and emotions (reminiscing)’ and it occurred to me I can’t really think of that many happy memories that don’t feel tainted now

Vent below

Like, before May we were basically inseparable so almost every memory I have from the last six years she’s in it, and now she probably hates me and I can’t even blame her for it because I sabotaged myself, i felt like I broke a little and I just got so angry and I’m Still angry and I don’t know what to do. Every friendship I’ve ever had I eventually lose them, either we drift apart or I push them away. And the only fucking relationship I’ve managed to keep since grade fucking three is the guy who told me no one liked me and tried to isolate me from all my friends because I can’t fucking let go of anyone ever, the people I hate are still here and the people I miss still feel like an empty gaping hole in my being. Her partner, M, probably hates me too and she’s Bug’s best friend so Bug will probably find out and if I lose her I don’t know if I can keep going, not in a life sense but just in a ‘I might fully emotionally shut down for who knows how long’ I already basically am. The cracks started in February with Everything and it’s just gotten worse. None of my coping strategies work anymore, being with bug and gnome is the only time I feel genuinely happy being with people, like, I’m not just holding myself up and having fun but I’m Genuinely happy. I love them, and I’m so scared I’m gonna lose them too. They should invent a relationship that doesn’t slip through your fingers the moment you mess it up. AND GODS SHES BEING JUST LIKE BRAE. “Oh I hate them because they were my best friend for years then suddenly just started getting distant and left without a reason and made me think it was my fault” howww do you think I feel? Do you not see you’re doing the exact same thing?

Okay going back up for spell check I think saying February started ‘cracks’ is misleading because it makes it sound like that only affected me a little but it’s just I pushed it aside for months and it finally started hitting me in like October that I still Really Fucking Miss Him AT LEAST I am Talking to people about it now. But yeah. Un ironically maybe the worst I have felt for a very long time. This is probably not because I hav been burying feelings but like who knows. I’m not examining that right now. Aegghhg it’s like mainly depression with an unconscious Amount of denial I can’t get rid of like I’m still waiting for it to be proven false even though I know it won’t happen and sometimes there’s anger but like I said I can never let go of people so even then I can’t. Hate my brain literally why do you suck why do you have attachment issues in every way. Stop it. I have to live with the consequences of it. On the topic of attachment issues I realized I am horribly codependent or something of the sort because Why was (is) my mental health dependant fully in like. A single relationship, glad I improved that (it’s now three so it’s more balanced but still probably not healthy)

Anyways oh hellos literally what is that they put drugs in the songs or something because I realized midway through writing this that laying on my floor in silence was making everything worse so I put on the Christmas album and now I feel Considerably better. No other band had this much of an effect What do they put in there and what would happen if I could get it straight up. I’d probably die tbh anyways yeah conclusion note this is probably Not helped by seasonal depression and general depression and the fact it’s nearly been one year since Christmas trip (last clear happy memory before February) (the trip I watched a Ton of sbi clips for the first time on and also the talisman stream and also read passerines and some other fics and stuff, kinda the catalyst for the sbi hyperfixation) so I’m extra fucked up But. We have a band concert in four days so at least then everything will be fine because band banishes every thought from my brain bc I’m too focused on counting, shout-out to band for helping me ignore all my issues

[sweetlywingedcreation]

Stranger things 4 volume 2 spoilers.

Like MAJOR spoilers

I’m fucking emotionally devastated rn. Like I’m not angry even though I should be, I’m just disappointed.

Eddie didn’t fucking deserve that. Sure it was a close to his zero to hero story arc, but Jesus CHRIST. He died for a town that never loved him, will never know the sacrifice he made that was in VAIN since Vecna still won in the end.

The only people who mourned him were Dustin and Wayne, none of his friends, none of the hellfire club. They just left his body to get eaten by the bats and time skipped when they could have atleast shown the upside down crew console Dustin.

And don’t get me fucking started on the queer baiting. The official accounts retweeting Steddie art and making joke posts about them being in love. The blatant disrespect for Will and his feelings for Mike. The only queer person who got atleast a glimpse of happiness (not before she was devastated by seeing Vickie with a guy though) was Robin and even that’s up for debate seeing as they were just being friendly.

As a Queer person this just felt genuinely mean spirited and homophobic. Using a gay boys unrequited feelings for his best friend to further a straight relationship just. It really fucking sucks. Eddies obvious joke flirting with Steve in episode 8 (0 hetero explanation for “dontcha? big boy! :3), him being the “freak” and being so obviously queercoded only to be killed off in the next episode. Making Will and Robin see their crushes be with other people while standing in the background. It just really sucks to see the characters you love go through shit like that, especially when I really wasn’t necessary.

I just, I’ve been hyperfixating in this show so fucking hard, I stayed up all night to watch the last episodes, just to feel like I’ve been hit with a truck.

Was I expecting Eddie to die? Yes, though I was praying he’d be fine

Was I expecting Byler or Steddie to actually be canon? Byler kinda? (they were hyping it up with the fucking painting and the sad glances), Steddie no absolutely not. It would have been nice but I knew that was not going to happen.

Did it still ruin me emotionally to see one of my favourite queer coded character die on screen? Yes. I don’t cry to media but the scene between Dustin and Wayne broke me. I went to bed feeling numb and when my mom woke me up I cried again.

There’s people theorizing that there could be time travel some how and that Eddie will come back because Joseph said something about wanting to be in season 5. I think he’s going to come back but probably for flash back sequences. There’s 0 chance they’ll pull a Hopper and have him secretly be okay since we literally saw him take his last breath and there’s 0 chance that going back in time to kill child Henry Creel will work. If they manage to do that it’ll ruin so many character arcs, Steve’s especially since he wouldn’t have any big brother moments with Dustin nor become besties with Robin. He might even still be a jackass since Johnathan only was with Nancy because of the demegorgon, he’d never get beaten senseless because he’d never see them together.

I just. I have too many thoughts and feeling about this stupid fucking tv show that I’ve only been a fan of for like a month. I hate that I’ve hyperfixated on it this hard cause now that it’s over, and it destroyed one of my favourite comfort characters for me idk what to do now. Like I still want to talk about it and enjoy it because it’s the only thing my brain has latched on to for a while. But all the fics i have are going to just make me fucking sad and I feel so emotionally numb and all social media’s are gonna be filled with sad edits of Eddie.

I’m probably going to still watch season 5 but that’s not for another couple years, I just hope all of this bullshit gets resolved.