#this isnt really finished but this has been in my drafts for a month so

[tinykonig]

Simon Riley NSFW kink headcannons

requested by anon, thank you for the message! i could ramble about this subject for so long so you are only enabling me extremely nsfw under the cut! be smart. only read more if you are okay with nsfw posts and you are 18+ :)

like i said in another post, cockwarming is something he enjoys thoroughly. sometimes he likes it for the intimate connection aspect, sometimes for the ability to tease you

his favorite position when he’s in a gentle and loving mood is spooning, especially early mornings. so he naturally prefers to keep his cock inside you after you both finished and sleep a little bit longer like that (which inevitably leads to another round)

when he’s teasing though… makes you sit on his cock while he’s writing reports or just even watching a movie and makes you sit still until hes finished with his task

also movie nights always seems to somehow end up with you on his lap while he very lazily fingers you and talks about the movie in your ear

asks you questions about the plot and if you arent paying attention he will go even slower

basically hes a fucking tease!!! thats just simon

degradation with just a hint of sweetness

“pretty cockwhore”

fingers in your mouth FINGERS IN YOUR MOUTH especially when he just wants you to shut up and quit whining

he growls. sometimes groans. moans when he’s mote submissive or he’s getting head

one of the simple pleasures of life for him to when you blow him in the shower

fucks your face and only apologizes AFTER the fact

he definitely likes to repay those favors and probably 10X

absolutely uses sex as a way to convey his love and emotions. if you are having a bad day or he’s apologizing for something, he is pampering you in bed

he can be so giving. he will hold you in his arms so warm and close and caress every part of your body until you can not help but feel so loved

whispers sweet nothings in your ear and just fucks you sooo slow and sweet and deep

this also means if hes angry or frustrated about something he can take it out on you in the bedroom(with your consent of course)

shoves his thumb into your mouth as a way to shut you up

pussy slapper

he loves when you cry out in a mixture of pleasure and pain, and he will stroke you so lovingly between slaps

has so many videos of you in a secret folder on his phone

hes such a giver like when he is away from you and need to get himself off he doesn’t think about fucking you, he thinks about eating you out until your legs are shaking

[snickerdoodlles]

#I think a lot of my dislike of the movie might have been just differences in taste #That movie was NOT my sense of humor and I disliked how they handled some things #Like...it kinda bugged me how they went about Ballister's prosthetic limb I won't lie. #I also don't know if Nimona ''not wanting to be a monster'' yet also wanting to cause so much destruction around her worked for me #Or at least not the way it was done #Like. I'm ALL for a character that wants to hurt others because of the way they've been hurt. That's based. #But that's not...really what they did? Or at least I don't think so #Like she's not REALLY a villain but she did sincerely want Ballister to be. #She values life. But she also wants to murder people? She wants violence??? Idk. It was a weird mix #She's SO sad that child was scared of her but earlier she like. Completely fucks up another kid's game. For no reason. #God and Nimona being 1000 years old makes a lot of her actions kinda weird. She feels so 14 to me yet she's immortal afssf #Also just not that big a fan of the trope where it's revealed ''this ancient legend was actually kids the whole time!!!'' #but I know that's just my tastes #HOWEVER. I also think it made the movie weaker in certain aspects. #Prejudice is learned. So making it feel SO ingrained into the very beings of this world's people #IDK man did not hit it's mark for me #the queer allegory was legitimately very good though. loved that (op's tags)

Nimoma has good emotional payoff and animation but nothing else to really write home about TBH

It's very SPOP in that way, where the arcs and scenes are solid when viewed outside of the media in gifset or clip form but don't work as well when actually watching what they're from

For sure! I think that's a problem she-ra and toh both share with Nimona—they struggle with setup but then go ham on the payoff, which leaves everything feeling somewhat unearned.

The end of the movie bugged me in particular—Ballister's 180 with calling Nimona a monster (something he KNOWS pushes her to the brink) after one conversation with his ex-boyfriend was...I think out of place?

Normally if you have a character make a wrong choice like that you, as the audience, would be questioning the whole movie if they had ever REALLY changed. Was Ballister's loyalty truly to Nimona or to the Institute/Goldenloin? But, by that point in the movie they had really sold me on Ballister's complete acceptance of Nimona and disregard of the institute, so....why would he turn on Nimona then? I'm surprised they didn't do this plot the other way, which would instead have only made it seem like Ballister betrayed Nimona, you know? Like they did in Tangled. That way you don't undo Ballister's movie long arc with one scene, but you can still have Nimona go berserk and make her way into the heart of the city.

There were also a couple of other things that felt kinda dropped by the end. Ballister being the first commoner to become a knight? The Queen's important role in this society? This kingdom's prejudice going SO deep that not even a child would give Nimona a chance after saving their life, yet blowing up the wall changed everyone's minds in the end?

There were a lot of good pieces, but they weren't quite put together in the right ways.

[rqbossman]

Hello Mr Bossman! (and possibly anyone else who reads this)

Its an honour to be here, I have a few questions. First i appologise for the long paragraph, you may dismiss it for the questions at the bottom. For context, i am here after finishing TMA and being up to date with TMAP, i then went over and listened to RQG, and have just finished listening to Epilogue 3 and might i just say, good sir I am grateful for your podcasts. I am currently just a few months away from my final exams of High School, and as someone who even just 1 year ago was very lost, struggling with school and being just overwhelmed. TMA isnt exactly comforting, but the characters and plot managed to serve as a good form of escapism while sorting myself out. I found my self engaging more in creative things that i had originally put aside in favour of maths and science (which i hated but thought i needed to do). I started drawing again, even if just fanart. and i found things going well. By finding podcasts, story telling and these communities have helped me in my own understanding of what i want in life. I got an ADHD diagnosis earlier this year, and almost directly after started RQG and as my first hyperfixation (that i was aware of as an hyperfixation) gosh dang it hit hard. (in a good way). Ive been able to do so much more creative writing and drawings, and got re-involved with a small dnd group with some friends who i played one game with almost 4 years ago now. So overall, inspirational sounds cringe, but it was. Im doing my best with the upcoming exams, but trying to get in to Medicine is not my only prority, and the fact ive been re-introduced to my first love (Literature and story telling), im planning to go do an Arts degree and i know i wouldnt have been able to confidently make this decision, or even have survived this long in the school system without the work you and your coworkers do. Now the sap is out of the way, Question time! (if you could answer even just one of these questions it would be so cool)(they go in order of RQ relevant to random stuff)(dont feel pressured to answer all/any. i know i wrote alot): 1. what would you say is the best way to draft out a long-form story. (with "Erasing the Line" as an example) Did you start at the end, with the links to the overarching plot.

2. When working with the players (in a form of TTRPG), what did you do to make sure you didnt miss relevant timing of plot points/ avoid creating spoilers while still giving enough detail?

3. What are good places to start with making a job out of storytelling/voice acting/audio etc. In the case of RQ, how is this a job and where do i sign up please! /j (what i mean is, how is best way/how did you find all the people involved and was there a common path that you were all on before getting to where you are now?) 4. Do you have recommendations for Terry Pratchett Books, i may be an literary-leaning student, but it seems i have never actually properly read any of his books. so where is best place to start?/What did you read first?

5. Similar authors or similar inspirations? Did you have a favourite podcast you listen to in your free time that you havnt had a hand in producing/directing/working on. 6. Favourite song/album/artist. And more specifically, what you like listening to in background when doing either writing or (for ttrpg) character research/game planing. 7. Since the olympics are on at the moment, what has been your favourite sport to watch, if you have been watching at all. Thank you for your time :)

Thankyou for all the kind words. Knowing our work is helping people really keeps our engines fired up. Let's see if I can't answer your questions: 1. I "sandbox" which is where I just shove everything I can think of into an unorganised bullet point list. Characters, setting, plot, all of it in one big mess. Then I decide what type of story you want to tell, copy and paste to a new document and then start to organise the thoughts (with the sandbox on standby if new stuff comes in I don't know what to do with). I think of it like scultping, you cut away bits and reshape until something comes out the other end that is story shaped. Only then do I attempt to build the sandcastle and put something coherant together like a synopsis or scratch draft etc.

2. Very tricky. I did a complete review and update of all notes after each recording session and don't forget the audio eas edited. I made lots of gaffs that you never heard as audience.

3. I contacted anyone I could convince to take part and just proved I was serious by overworking. I don't reccomend that route. Unfortunately it really is "who" you know. That doesn't mean chase established professionals as much as it means you need to get out there and associate with other up-and-comers who match your vibe. For me the route was long and windy and not a particularly good example. 4. I normally recommend people do not read his books in publication order. Don't get me wrong, its wonderful watching his craft grow from one title to the next but I would recommend new readers tip their toe into his later works to see if they like where he ended up before committing the time. I often recommend 'Monstrous Regiment' as people's first one. My favourite though is 'Thief of Time.'

5. I don't get much time to listen to podcasts in the last couple of years. I used to listen to a lot of non fiction. 'Stuff you Should Know' and that ilk. I also read a fair amount of classic YA fiction to unwind (Windinsger trilogy, Bartimeous, stuff like that.) 6. Paul Simon's Graceland but when working I assemble a playlist for each seperate project that is tonally appropriate. If I really need to focus I listen to Classical Minimalism. Or the Old School Runescape soundtrack. I'm allowed to be ecclectic. 7. I am actually in an incredibly busy work crunch at the moment so haven't seen any of it!

[kings-highway]

i've got quite a lot of fics written but they don't seem complete or cohesive enough to leave my docs,,, i don't know how to outline fics so everytime i get back to them im all over the place and end up doing things from the beginning do u have any advice :⁠,)

so... mhm... this is an interesting question. First of all I GREATLY appreciate you asking but unfortunately this installment of King's "advice column" is going to be half rant, half pep talk, and like maybe a sneaky 3% advice because the truth is... I don't know.

first off: I don't outline anything. Never have. The few times I do outlines it's for the sake of "trying to outline" and never because i wanted to. If you ever see me say the phrase "my outline" what Im actually referring to is the dance-break hallucination of the characters I've set to whatever Top 40 song Im listening to at the moment. I... cannot help you with outlining. Not really.

But I have some things that may help you overall. It sounds like the problem you have is with editing, not writing. Which... if you're new to editing or haven't edited a lot, can be entirely tedious and confusing and you might be saying "ach, but whats the difference!" - the difference is everything. I, personally, love editing. editing is where a story comes alive and can be perfected. If you have a finished full draft of a story, and you truly dont know where to go next... the next step is to be done with it. Literally. I've been working on a personal novel for about 2 years now, and half that time is spent waiting. Put away your draft, write something else. In 2 months, 3 months, come back to it and read it again, change anything you're no longer satisfied with. You'd be SHOCKED how much just taking a break from a story can improve your understanding of it. You may think of things to change in this waiting period - hold off. Hold it in. Let it stew. consider it caramalizing onions. there's simply no way to rush it. NOW - you expressed the sentiment of "i always end up doing things from the beginning-" I say... no you dont. That IS editing. My story has fully changed from front to back multiple times. That new draft you wrote from scratch? congrats, thats your second draft. Not your first. then you do it again. And again. Until the edits become smaller and smaller and smaller. And then when you hate it enough, you say "i cant possibly touch this anymore" and thats when you let someone read it.

And the truth is, they should have been reading it before. Feedback is infinitely important, in the editing process. You cannot expect to only ever show the best product. I have friends who have read drafts of my novel that wouldnt even be able to recognize what it is now. but I could never have gotten it to this point without their feedback. You have to be okay with letting someone - even just one person - see your bad first draft. THEY will be able to tell you where your cohesion is or isnt and how to improve it.

BUT that brings me to a second point, and the idea that this is probably fanfiction. Now, your initial ask was a little vague, so consider the first response there me being under the assumption you were interested in completely finishing a novel or short story with incredibly serious intent. Now Im going to assume you might be looking to publish chapter by chapter or take it "less seriously" because its just for having fun.

And to that i Say:

if youre publishing chapter-by-chapter (and writing chapter by chapter) your cohesion is gonna be shit!!! thats a first draft youre putting out into the world, babe, its gonna be ass! but embrace the chaos!!! I have learned and developed SO MUCH as a writer by publishing chapters one at a time, namely how to "punch through" that lack of cohesion. Consider your first draft a challenge. no matter how many errors you make, you are NOT allowed to go back and change it. that thing you committed to chapter 2? well its chapter 18 now and you either need to address it, or ignore it and hope your readers dont comment. You are beholden to your own writing and theres nothing you can do. Make it work. Its probably not as bad as you think.

Which brings me back to my initial point - dont trust me on cohesion!! Or, maybe, don't trust *yourself* on your judgement of your story. I'm assuming if you're asking you like at least 1 of my stories, so here's that aforementioned peptalk bit from the beginning:

if we're talking about incohesive stories and bad choices and things that REALLY should have been edited, I'm the (hehe puns) King of them. (I sometimes just vaguely think about Paranormality and want to tear my hair out - and yet this is one people seem to love the most!) here's two facts from my stories that are currently still available to read on ao3:

1. In "The Island" Jasvir and the rescue team make a 24 hour journey in about 6 hours (Because I forgot where New Zealand was and didnt fact check before)

2. In "Soulmake Adventures" Tendou describes how Ushijima stays at his apartment when he's "in the city" despite that city being Tokyo and the home base for the Adlers and Ushijima really should, like, have a home. (It did not occur to me to even check)

And Honey, if you think I had a plan for even one goddamn second of Paranormality you're mistaken. Holy shit it's just nonsense after nonsense after nonsense. I REALLY should have like, at least at one point, like... thought ahead. I just kept shoving stuff in and backpedaling and doubling down on things. But it was FUN to write. And people had a lot of fun reading it. I could edit it into something cohesive, but I dont think it needs that. I think if youre writing fanfiction, maybe its okay to just let it be a little bit loose and fucked up for the sake of the joy of it.

here's.... uh.... 3% advice:

1. have an ending. the stories where I know what my last scene (or my last line) will be always get drafted easier and with less stress. I dont mean have an ending idea. I mean literally mentally map out the last paragraph. Really helps me keep on track

2. talk to people. Walk them through your premise and your themes and what you want it to be. saying it out loud almost always will start clicking puzzle pieces together.

3. learn editing. unfortunately im not talking about grammer and spelling, i mean proper content editing. You have to build this skill seperately from your writing.

4. accept that your first draft is for vibes and fun. Push forward and do your best to "force it" however you need to, but;

4.5. understand that deleting work is part of the creation process too. If you do scrap an entire draft and start over, youre not "starting over" - youre starting draft 2. Thats editing!

[charnockite]

heyyy its me you already know what this is about HAHAHA sorgy but christmas is almost here and it got me thinking about them and re-reading what we have so if finishing the fic is still possible then i am WAITING but i get that youre busy and all its all ok i understand and also ik it hasnt been THAT long since the last snippet i mean 3 months isnt that much but on the contrary anything could happen within 3 months. hm now i feel like im rushing you which is NOT the intended purpose of this message but this ask is getting long enough without any comas or other punctuation so im gonna end it here ok time for me to slumber again for half a year HAVE A GOOD ONE

hello!!! so I've got good news and bad news regarding that particular fic:

bad news: life has been [and will continue to be] incredibly busy for me. senior year of college is a bitch and a half, and that's without the grad school apps + classes I help teach + planetarium work taking up any semblance of free time I thought I'd have. aside from one or two oneshots I've thrown onto ao3 for other fandoms [</3], when I say I haven't really written since finishing my last big fic, I mean it. it took a while to get back into a writer-brain [as it always does once I finish something big], and I'm still waiting for it to come back.

good news: I got tickets for my brother and I to see weird al on his next tour, so if anything's going to kick my ass back into a weird al fixation, it's going to be that. but then again, that's not until next summer, and who knows what my life will be like then? grad school, Real Job, or secret third option?

as always, though, I really do appreciate yours + other's support for my silly little uhf fic <3 if I do end up drafting anything up over the next few months, I'll be sure to post it on here for y'all :')

[nocturnalghoul]

Oh! I have a prompt!

Sister of Sin falls in love with Cowbell and hes an adorable clueless idiot until he isnt

I’m sorry this took a minute, it sat 90% finished in my drafts for like a solid week before I was able to get back to it. I happened to look at the mushy may prompt for today and went WAIT THAT'S LITERALLY THE COWBELL FICLET I HAVE SITTING AROUND so I hope you don’t mind this also working as my unofficial mushy may for today (Crush/ "I made this for you") :)  Hope this does your prompt justice! I had fun thinking about it :D Words: 1.2k Feat. Earth ghoul Cowbell my beloved

Cowbell scowls briefly at the wide expanse of garden in front of them, sighing heavily before getting to work pulling weeds. It was going to be a long and tedious day.

A year ago, all of the Earth ghouls had been assigned their own personal part of the grounds to do with as they pleased. The former band ghouls got a larger section than the rest of them and Special, ever the sweet talker, decided to do their adoptive little brother a “favor” and convinced Sister Imperator that “Bell graced the stage with the band and therefore qualifies for a former band ghoul size upgrade.”

They had appreciated the gesture at the time, but quickly found that all the space was almost too much for them to keep up with alone. Imperator after assigning the sections had also instituted a sign up list for siblings to volunteer to help, but only once or twice had anyone ever signed up for Bell’s list. Even then, it was rather clear that the sibling was only trying to get out of some other engagement and didn't really want to work with the strange ghoul, asking them about the others instead. 

It made sense to them, the other band ghouls had much larger plots and were more popular with the siblings in general so why not ask about them. The list to assist Mountain with his vast plot of land had over a two month waiting list he heard. It was by far the largest and most impressive garden considering he was the current earth ghoul in the band, but the sisters were always fawning over him anyways. 

Cowbell was lost in thought considering all those points when a shadow fell over where they were working. They looked up and caught the shy smile of a sister of sin, holding a flyer for the garden program, waiting politely to be noticed. She was somebody they recognized from around the abbey but had never spoken with directly. They assumed she was probably lost on their way to the other gardens.

“Oh um, if you came out here for the garden program the other ghouls areas are farther down the path. There's signs” they mutter before looking back down at the plants in front of them. 

“I'm actually here to help you I think, it’s Cowbell right?” she cheerily chrips, extending a hand out in greeting. 

“Really?” they exclaim doing a horrible job of hiding the shock they feel if the small giggle she lets out is any indication. “Yes really! It’s never seemed fair to me that the other siblings only ever sign up to help Mountain and the others. Your list is always empty so I decided to fix that” she asserts, already moving to crouch down and assist in weeding the flower bed Cowbell had been working on. 

The day actually ends up being the best one Cowbell has in a long time. The sister is a great conversationalist and seems to be generally interested in what they have to say. 

Just as they are about to thank her for helping out and offer general pleasantries about seeing each other around the abbey she gives them a tight hug then skips off shouting something about next time. 

Next time Cowbell thinks, the corner of their mouth quirking up into an odd smile. So there will be a next time, good. 

~~~

Sure enough on the next garden program day the sister waltzes up eager to help and seemingly even more so to get to know Cowbell. They continue on like this for weeks, slowly settling into an easy rhythm with each other. Each time Cowbell is certain she will realize that there are much more interesting ghouls to hang out with, but then she comes back.

Finally after a month, Cowbell decides to speak up. “I appreciate both you helping, and your company, but you don’t have to humor me. I know that I’m strange and that there are much more desirable ghouls all around the abbey. Please don’t feel like you have to keep coming out of obligation or something.”

The sister frowns briefly but there is something else behind her eyes that Cowbell can’t quite place. “I like strange, Bell. Besides, those silly other ghouls could never be as interesting as you are.” they lilt after a handful of moments before blowing them a kiss and walking off. 

~~~

She ended up coming down with a bad cold for the entire week following that conversation. It was still fine, Cowbell had tended the garden all by themselves before and did so again. Time and time again as they go through the familiar motions of gardening their mind wanders back to the sister. How was she doing? Oh she would love this bloom. Eventually they decide to give up for the day on the main garden and work on a side project they had been considering for a while. When the sister was able to return they wanted it to be ready. 

~~~

Cowbell receives a text that she is ready to return to help today and triple checks the side project. They had over the past week assembled a long window planter for her to take back to her room full of flowers that they think she will like. 

As they see her walking down the path they feel the anxiety starting to build in the pit of their stomach but shove it down. It’s fine, you're making a much bigger deal out of this than it is they think to themselves as they wait. As her eyes fall on the planter beside them, Cowbell can see the wide smile take over as a sparkle settles into her eyes. “What’s all that, Bell?” she laughs as the ghoul almost fumbles the planter in an attempt to hold it out for her. 

“You just always complain how you wish you had more flowers in your room so I assembled this for you” they rush, blushing slightly.

The sister squeals in delight, taking her time to closely examine each bud. “These ones are by far my favorite” she whispers, pointing to the small blue flowers in the center. “Oh, those are cowbells” “I know” she laughs, “Believe or not I have learned something while helping you. It’s perfect cause you’re my favorite ghoul.” “I- I am? Why” they question before looking back up at her and taking in the vibrant blush overtaking her face.

“Oh” is all they can come up with as the realization overtakes them. The sister just laughs harder watching them flounder. Cowbell can feel a blush of their own starting to grow under their mask. “You know… I was going to take a walk down to the lake.” they start shyly, moving to take the sisters hand. “Would you- would you care to join me?” “It’s a date” she beams, already picking her stuff back up and placing it with the planter inside the storage shed. “Um yes, I believe it is” Cowbell stammers before tacking on a quick “if that’s okay that is.”

The sister just giggles before kissing them softly on the cheek and pulling them down the path towards the lake. “There's nothing I would love more.”

[robthewischmop]

Just normel shit I do

I have been sitting here for like 40 minutes trying to post something but when i start to actually write it just fells wrong and maybe I just need to post something to stop felling the dread of not having really posted any thing since the literal day that i made this account and just post some shit. But when ever i want to post some thing It just gets longer and longer until Its just a bunch of words that made sens a minute ago but now they just fell wrong [The fact that I go back when I am done and add my thoughts In the []things probably dosnt help with that] and I have no Idea what to do about this but to just make a post[That would have been a good idea six months ago because at that point I was just not using tumbler because If I actively used tumblet that I had to poste something and thats scary ] . Because it literally does not matter if or when or even what i post because no one I know even knows what tumbler is and even on tumbler almost no one will (probebly) see this and so anything that i do with this account really dos not mater. I think i just needed to hear/think/type that because I feel much better now. It is now 8.51 pm on the 25.05.2024(DD.MM.YYYY) I have been writing this since 7:45 pm or something (about 7pm if we count the 40 minutes) You dont need to read further anything under this isnt really important

First of all it fells so good to just type the last paragraph with the time and date again I will now try to compress every idea for a post that I had In those 40 minutes i mention into one or less sentences. Fist post idea I am have been executive dysfunctioning this account and originally wanted to make a post similar to this or my first post on the first of each month. [Just because you dont put a . or , in there dosnt mean its just one sentenc there are tow of them in there at least]

Second post idea My pc isnt good enough to run windows 11 and its sad about it

the 3ed post idea(how the fuck do you spell third (why do I know how to spell now and not like 10 seconds ago)) I have been here for a year now and I still have now Idea how tumbler works

fourth post idea how do I get other stuff than splatoon on my tumbler there is just to much of it[actually I lied to you this was a post idea that I had like 3 months ago its better now i fixed it]

Look what i found In my drafts before finishing up this post its such a nice small message that I wrote 10 months ago and if I actually remembered to post this the day after I wrote it maybe then I would have actually done what this draft says:

"Hello again people on the internet

I have bin here fore a month now and I think I really like it here . I still have no idea what i supposed to do so im just going to do something.

i will probably do something on the first of every month just because that`s when i made my first post "

I will hear by try to do that this year (this is not part of the draft anymore i will actually try to do this)

Its about 9:30 pm still the 25 of May now . it has just been fun to write all this stuff again

[wholemleko]

updates ig???

(reposted from my deviantart)

so i guess this is like. my plans for the future or at least where i feel like im at when it comes to comics and such.

tl;dr - bird of death is my main project now and everything else is in uncertain limbo

details under the cut:

first thing is just, the state of my projects. bird of death, which im posting now, has completely taken over my brain and its something i enjoy working on much more because its part of a bigger project that im working on with a group of 6 other people and ultimately i think art is a social thing for me. at this point ive also got a 115+ page buffer which ive never even come close to before, so i feel very much at ease about being able to put it out into the world without the months long hiatuses ive gone on with my other comics. plus, it has elements in it that are largely influenced by ideas from my previous projects which i guess leads me to my next point...

which is that im growing burnt out of my older comics. i had for a long time. i occasionally experience moments where i really love my old stories again and give myself the impression that im ready to get back into them, but then it always ends up being temporary and fizzling out again just a week or so later. like venturing. i spent years working on it and theres so much left of the story for me to tell, things that i am still excited to show. but at the same time, its a story i started when i was 16 and i guess this happens to a lot of creators, but my writing style is so different now and when i look back at it i cringe. theres also the factor that felix is almost like an undercooked version of my protagonist in bird of death (for reasons that have only vaguely been revealed). so when i think about writing his story it just feels like. he's the same guy but more poorly put together by a younger me.

this same thing goes for another comic project that ive never shared publicly but which ive been working on for just as long as ive been working on venturing. its actually the story im using for my final project for my degree lmao. the characters in it that im most invested in feel like early drafts for characters from bird of death... the catharsis of writing them has moved to this new story. my old projects just feel like early drafts of this new one but wearing different clothes. they are all born of the same train of thought.

then theres the matter of my fancomics. children of decay is so early on and undercooked that i barely have anything to say about it except that i still love the idea of having a warriors comic, but man i am just not invested in it the way i am with bird of death. (also the fact their titles are so similar... feels silly lol).

my moomin fancomics are a whole other matter... im not the writer for them, and theres still a ton of content that i wanted to cover. im still only in the first chapter of blackthorn tree, and i wanted to adapt 4 more fics afterwards. they are stories that i love, and which continue to be very dear to me, but the inspiration that gave me is, again, now being channeled into my newest project. i guess that makes sense, given that my protagonist was originally made to be a moomin oc. ive also felt increasingly disconnected from the moomin fandom, not because i like the series itself any less, but the fandom landscape is just very different from what it was. another factor is that i did actually have the rest of chapter 1 almost finished, but i lost all those files when my old ipad got fried and this really bummed me out, just a further discouragement.

putting all these things on the backburner feels bad. i dont like saying that i dont know when or even if i will come back to certain projects. i know lots of people enjoyed what i was making, especially venturing and the moomin comics. but i just cant find it in myself to commit to them again now that this new project has pretty much overtaken me, and i dont know if that commitment will ever come back. this isnt to say that i am putting an end to any of them or that im quitting them. just that they are not the thing i am committed to, and i am putting them into uncertain limbo. it feels smarter to concentrate my energy on a project i am much more devoted to now, which is very developed, and which i am making alongside other people who are also very devoted to the greater project.

if u got this far thanks for reading, and thanks to all those who've supported me over the years in my creative endeavors

[snickerdoodlles]

nimona fix-it that i'm not writing. may properly clean this up when i have more brain space

(tags originally from this post)

this has been sitting in my drafts for. months. as i tried to gather my thoughts beyond a big hearty Yeah.jpeg #honestly? what would've made the movie work a lot more for me? #is if during nimona's freak out over the kid being scared of her/calling herself a monster #ballister had turned to her and gone ''uh. aren't you?'' #because i think it wouldve helped them better tie several themes in the movie: first that nimona does not actually want to be destructive. #that's very much her lashing out in a ''you call me the monster? well ill BE your monster'' #but it comes from a place of emotional pain so directly facing with the consequences of it understandably sets her on a spiral #second is ballister's own spiral of going ''burn me? fine i burn YOU'' and parallel him hitting a similar spiral nimona had for contrast #third. i dont think ballister's prejudice should have been prompted externally. #the movie like. doesnt actually want to/doesnt trust itself to deal with its characters actually being prejudiced #which is why ballister's turning away from nimona had to be prompted by the director through his ex #to give him an easier rejection of it and reconciliation with nimona (to give ALL of them an easier rejection/reconciliation of their #prejudice with the exception of the director. who just dies.) #if ballister had called nimona a monster in that moment i think it wouldve helped illustrate a few things better: that societal prejudice is #ingrained deeper than most people realize. ballister would have fully accepted nimona as a monster but not recognized that he shouldnt be #thinking of her AS a monster in the first place. theres still something inside him that he needs to finish unpacking and heal. #i think it also would have shown better how people who are victims of prejudice can still perpetuate it. making it so that ballister had to #be externally manipulated to enact that against nimona undermines the message of harm by societal prejudice that the movie tried to send #also i just think switching up that betrayal wouldve made for a smoother sequence of events in movie. ballister calls out nimonas destruction #and reveals he still has ingrained prejudice. nimona runs and ballister can even still run into his ex again afterwards. and if they want #to keep nimona's backstory the ex revealing that to ballister could instead be how ballister realized how wrong he was in the first place #itd give context to realize the extent to which he hurt nimona with his thoughtlessness and work better to prompt him running out to #reconnect with her. and fix that 'change the narrative' line because as is its like???? kinda hanging in the breeze as is oof #ANWYAYS tl;dr--nimona falls apart for me because the movie wants to tackle heavy topics but doesnt want any of its characters to act out in #any truly problematic ways. so ALL the bad as to fall on one specific villain (whose so much of a prop she only gets a title and not a name) #that they can just kill at the end and absolve the entire town of their 'sin' (prejudice). its v much the christian theme of the#sacrificial goat+scapegoat actually. the director stops representing prejudice and is just there to give everything a clean resolution #it has a lot of the pieces but its too…timid to really dig into and address them. this prejudice isnt the only one but my tags are SO LONg #nimona

[stupidusernamepolicy]

tv tag game

— list 8 shows for your followers to get to know you better. tagged by beloved mootie @michaelmandog

1.Good Omens

This is such a feel-good show for me and cleaning out my drafts made me remember how much I love it. Also a reminder that I need to finish Staged. The friendship between the authors and the ways it impacted the book and show is so important to me...

2. Breaking Bad / Better Call Saul

"oh watch it it's the best show ever" "yeah yeah sure" and then... Meth show for middle aged dads sent me on a *checks calendar* FIVE MONTH FIXATION? I need to be euthanized. Also Michael Mando. That's all.

3.Final Space

SHINED SO BRIGHT AND GONE TOO SOON. This was THE underdog adult animation and though I've separated myself from it a lot it's still one of the best out there. Space fantasy dramedy about a convict out in space that is a testament to all that adult animation can be, but often isn't. If you can stand a bit of exec-meddling awkward humor, this one is the hardest WATCH NOW on this list. Also, catboy above voiced by Steven Yeun and he goes so hard.

4.Invincible

Continuing on the thread of amazing adult animation with a much more popular entry, this is an adaptation that is so far so much better than the source material. I stayed up til 5 am binging this. It has 4 things I love: great animation, (comic) trope subversion, GORE, and Steven Yeun (again!)

5.Futurama

This show is older than me, and I never watched it growing up, yet it still feels like home whenever I watch it. If I need to cheer up and have my TV on, this is the clear choice. It's so nostalgic and has so much heart while also being really, really fucking funny.

7.Gravity Falls

Similar to Futurama: another comfort show!! It brings back so many memories, even though I watched it after its original run. One of the rare things I own official merch of (I loved it enough to pay for shipping from the US)

7.Mob Psycho 100

Obligatory singular Anime entry. This is the one anime I'd recommend to non anime watchers, as it subverts a lot of typically annoying anime tropes and is a rare entry where the adaptation is as good if not better than the source material, and yet it's AMAZING because it OOZES with love of the source material! I'm definitely biased because it's the kind of story my middle school self needed, and that my current young-adult self... also needed. It's about growing up, about how people need other people, and it rewired my brain.

8.Rise Of The TMNT

JUST LIKE FINAL SPACE, SHINED TOO BRIGHT AND GONE ENTIRELY TOO SOON!! I was a HUGE fan of 2003 series when I was a kid and this one completely reignited my love for TMNT. The animation is poppy and dynamic and tastefully stylized, the story goes from monster of the week to the absolute insanity that is the netflix movie, and it has the kind of personality that a reboot of such an old series needs and benefits from (partially also ended up being its undoing because people hate fun). Like Final Space, if you're not averse to a little cringe humor aimed at a younger generation, I have 2 words for you: MUST! WATCH!!

HONORABLE MENTIONS BECAUSE ITS HARD TO PICK

Arcane! because all that can be said about it has already been said about it. But it is fantastic and if you have not watched it yet because "its league of legends ew" and "its a cartoon" quit being a boob and go watch it.

Mrkomir Prvi! Because it's a really funny sitcom set in medieval Croatia, and it's only here because it's incredibly obscure on a global level, but it's really the kind of original TV I love to see and rarely do. They did a pandemic episode in which they called the diseased "influenzers", enough said.

Tagging! @its-me-ej, @djcranberry, @hellomingo, @lemonykleonella, @mediasploshion and @bamsara(long time no talk!! i hope this isnt a jumpscare)

No pressure, and happy reminiscing >:)

[spacetimeodysseyofjane]

random thoughts 4:39 pm

long madrama messy post ahead coz i havent written anything for months now, not even a draft. makes me a little sad coz before, i can (somehow) put my thoughts into words. it's been difficult because i got busy that im starting to lose interest in my passion projects.

i am so focused in achieving my "goals", im losing track of whats really important. lately, all i want to do is work. i feel like i need to do more coz i failed to reach my goal. it's exhausting, i never felt contented with my efforts, everything isnt enough for me. people are telling me im doing a great job but deep inside, i know i can do MORE. this has been my problem since i was born. lol. not blaming my parents, but them not celebrating my wins when i was kid had a great impact to my older self! hahaha jk. love them.

i wanted to reward myself for completing a lot of tasks in my work, but i dont think i deserve it.

i finished our emerging leaders program but i didn’t tell my fam abt it, i know i still lack skills that i need to be a leader

i know how to drive, i got my license, but i dont feel celebrating it coz im still not confident with my driving skills.

i had a salary increase, but i dont think thats a win because it's not a promotion.

it's not that i am not grateful for these things, it's just that i dont think my efforts are enough. i might sound like a humble brag, but theres always a voice in my mind saying i can do better. i always want more because i deserve more.

im working hard coz i dont want to depend my happiness, wants, and needs to anyone. it’s kind of irrational to think that i dont need help from anyone, but from experience, i can only depend on myself.

anyway, i miss going to concerts, avril cancelled her concert and it sucks! im so disappointed that i unfollowed her! there are a lot of bands and artists going to Ph but im not an avid fan. im still waiting for Fall Out Boy to announce an Asia tour.

gahd, i want to ride a plane and travel outside of manila but theres so much to consider now; work, time, and money. i already booked a flight to taiwan, looking forward to that but other than that, i dont have any travels yet. i miss nanay and tatay, i want to go back to mindanao but i cant work there because of the internet connection. i miss them so much TT_TT

there are times that i just want to stay at home and not do anything but that makes me anxious. i just want to go back to the time when i feel so calm and serene. right now, i am overwhelmed but i have to keep it together because duh! i have tons of things to do and achieve! lol!

despite the chaos in my head, life has been good lately, and im blessed to experience this.

lol, should i consider this a small win? i finally have a long post! hahaha

[scandeniall]

its not a date

pairing: atsumu x f!reader

summary: uh this is set in the rulers universe, but plays no relevance to the events in it. This is at least a year before those events/ you and tsumu have a bond, but he has a date that he insists isnt one

warnings: 18+, bad lang, implied sex, mention of guns, bully tsumu hours

wc: 1.4k

The breath you let out was instant as you attempted to loosen your shoulders. Back resting against the door and eyes closed, you hadn’t even noticed the guests currently splayed in different corners of your office. “Aw, is our little President tired,” Eyes opening instantly, you groaned both at the sudden light adjustment and at the men. “Why the hell are you here.” It was hardly a question as your arms came to cross over your chest. “And how did you get in here.” “Picked your lock,” Your face resorted into a scowl as a body approached yours, hand reaching for one of yours, warmth encasing it. “We’re here to watch Tsumu look like an idiot.” Your eyes drifted to the other two guests. The grayed haired twin, and friend, Suna. You ignored atsumu’s exclamation, as you opted for scolding the brunette. “Hey Suna, unless you want my foot up your ass, I suggest you get your feet off of my table.” “What did you do?” Your eyes shifted back to  the blonde who let go of your hand to just shrug. “I’m serious.” “Remember when I covered for you last month when you went on that trip to Shibuya?” Atsumu took note of your bored look, as you nod. You were just waiting for him to spit it out. He ignored the silent snickers of the other two in the room. “Well I had attend a dinner and-“ “I swear if you fucked up some relationships I will kill you myself,” your huff was accompanied with you pushing past the man to flop down on your desk chair. “Aw c’mon ya know I’d never. I’m second in command for a reason.” He quickly brushed off your remark, knowing it was harmless before clearing his throat. “One of the daughters invited me to some fancy dinner.” His words were rushed and you sensed the tiniest bit of nerves. Your face read blank as you bit back a smile. “Sorry, could you speak up. Didn’t catch that.” Your eyes caught Suna’s from across the room and all he could do was shake his head in amusement. “What, aren't ya g’na say somethin” You watched as it was Atsumu’s turn to furrow his brows in annoyance. You’d heard him and he knew it. “Have fun on your date,” you let out bluntly and the room turned comical. The other men couldn’t hold their laughs as Atsumu’s jaw dropped. A series of stutters and fumbles fell from his lips as he tried to insist it wasn’t a date. “You two. Out. Now.”

Your eyes flickered in amusement as he demanded them out practically pushing their snickering forms out before facing you red faced and annoyed. “(Y/n).” “Tsumu.” “Why do ya gotta make me look dumb in front of them,” he drags out causing you to laugh. Standing from your seat you make your way in front of him, arms immediately locking themselves around his neck, his falling to your hips. “That’s for signing the paperwork to authorize the building construction without telling me.” Your words, sickeningly sweet come out as a whisper in his ear and you feel the tightening of his fingers as you attempt to pull away. “So ya found out about that already?” Your eyes caught his only for a moment, before lips found themselves trailing up and down the side of your neck. “You’re annoying.” Yet you allowed him to continue, allowing him to lead you on top of the wooden desk. One of your hands moved to cup his cheek, thumb gently tracing over his bottom lip before pulling him in for a quick kiss. “And I’m also tired. So it’s time for you to go.” Your hands fell from his face to gently pry his wandering hands off your thighs. This time they came to rest flat on the hard surface, yet he stayed put from his place between your legs. “Ya heading home?” Shaking your head, you let out a sigh. “Not yet. I have to read over some paperwork. Get it to Kuroo by tomorrow morning. Courtesy of my parents from hell.” At that Atsumu let out a laugh. “Speaking of—I heard our parents are arranging a dinner soon-.” “No doubt to question our running,” you cut him off in annoyance, lacing your tone. “We haven’t even been in charge for a year yet.” “And look at us. About to bang on your father’s old desk.” You almost want to wipe the smirk off his face. He’s teasing. Goading you into humoring him, even if it’s for a minute. He only laughs as you insist that it was time for him to go. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your date?” Your eyebrow raises as his hands find their way back on you. You nearly lose balance as you’re pulled to the end of the desk, one of his hands securing one of your legs around him. “This is more fun,” —— “Can you at least try not to ruin the relationship with the Watanabe family,” you sigh, trailing the faintest mark on Atsumu’s collarbone. “Cover this up” The two of you had gotten redressed before Atsumu plopped down on your desk chair, promptly pulling you onto his lap. “Shouldn’t have left it (Y/N).” Atsumu hums out content, head resting on your shoulder. “M’sleepy. Long day at the office.” You can’t help the soft smile that crosses your face. He’s not too bad when he’s quiet. Sleepy Atsumu was arguably one of your favorite Atsumus. Your eyes shift towards the clock on the left hand of the wall and you sigh. Back to work and reality. You gently nudge him away, voice quiet. “Tsumu, I have to finish my work. And you’ve got your date tonight.” You can’t help but tease the last part smirking when he scowls at you. “It’s not a date.” “It’s a date” “It’s not,” he narrows his eyes as you make your way to your feet. It gives you both the chance to stretch stiff muscles. “Although I’m sure ya would be jealous if it were right?” A cocky smile settles across his face as one of his hands reaches for yours. “Not really.” Atsumu’s eyes search your face for any type of reaction, eye twitching when he gets none. It was a love hate feeling at how you could get to him. Yet, he couldn’t stay away. Maybe it was your contrasting personalities. How easy it was to bring out his inner kid, while yours had been something all your friends had to work to see. How easy it was to fluster him, while your ability to remain stone faced, even in the face of amusement was impeccable. How relaxed he seemed on the daily unless prompted, while you radiated nothing but power making others wanting to listen at all times. Or maybe it was how the two of you understood one another like no one else could. How the two of you worked your ways to the heads of your families, and ultimately the nation. The two of you shared a pressure that none of your peers felt and that was the foundation for your bond. Over the years, it grew from that simple friendship and that commonality to something unbreakable. Everything but a relationship. “Deep down yer dying. I just know it.” Your scoff does little to phase him “Anyways madam president, I suppose I should go get ready.” Clearing his throat, Atsumu shoots you a look. Your nod has him offering a last squeeze of your hand before turning away and making his way towards the door. “Yer going to the shooting range tonight right?” You stop your process of gathering paperwork at his question. He’d stopped just shy of the door’s handle, sunglasses already slipped over his eyes so that you couldn’t see the certain mischief swirling in them. “Why?” “Just answer the question would ya.” Before you could answer the shrill of your phone fills the air. Glancing at the caller ID you shoot him an apologetic look before telling him it was Kuroo. Undoubtedly complaining about being unable to finish what he needed without your paperwork. Something you’d promise to get him today. Atsumu watches as you tell your friend on the other end of the phone to hold on for a second before your attention focuses back on him. “Probably not, I’m exhausted,” “Great. I’ll see ya there then,” Atsumu claps cheerfully twisting the door knob ignoring your call of being tired. “I’ll make it worth it” and with that the door closes, a promise to meet him later hanging in the air 

a/n: i started this no purpose draft months ago and finished at 3am. no plot. just dynamics :-)

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

is this Devyn's blog?

hey anon, i'm sorry it took me so long to respond to this; between insomnia, work, my birthday, and other personal issues (along with accidentally deleting my initial response in a sleep-deprived lapse of judgement..), i've been pretty low on energy - but hopefully i'll be feeling better soon?

as for your question, it isn't a complete yes or no answer. yes, Devyn is a mod on this blog, and yes, he posts a lot; but nobody 'owns' this blog. all mods are equals; both in the literal sense that we all have to have administrator privileges in order to answer asks, and also that we rely on each other to help with anything we post. we're all human, and as such, we know that we have weaknesses and blindspots; as a team, we talk to each other to help smooth over some of those wrinkles to help y'all the best ways that we can - so even when one specific person's name is put on a post, more often than not, we have all contributed in some way. the reason that Devyn answers things more often than the rest of us is because he simply has a lot more time and energy than the rest of us do, and trying to write a whole response ourselves can be exhausting when you are already low on energy; but conveying our thoughts or opinions to each other for someone else to weave into a post takes a lot less energy. as such, the rest of us on the mod team really appreciate that Devyn is able to answer more often! its not that Devyn is more committed or holds more power than the rest of the mods, just that he's been more available to answer things recently.

and as a side note: we got another ask somewhat along this line of thought, but it mentioned the name of someone who made personal posts on their personal blog - and since i don't want to risk 'calling them out' (for lack of a better term), i don't feel comfortable posting that ask, so i'm adding my response to it here.

i want to start off by saying, we do appreciate when people bring up concerns that they have! giving us feedback on things that might make you uncomfortable or bother you helps us learn how to better help y'all. without feedback, we kinda just assume that we're doing alright - so encourage anyone to give us constructive feedback (i.e., dont just say something like "i dont like [thing] about mod x, fix it" - give us suggestions on how to best fix it!) if something we do bothers you! we wont be upset; you mentioning how we can better help you means that you do care about us, and we would never get upset at y'all for that. and, as such, we do really appreciate that you brought up your issues with us! genuinely our only issue was the fact a specific person was named (which really isnt even an issue - telling us who made the posts helped us find the posts, since we hadnt previously known about them) and we just don't want to inadvertently cause problems for them. we really dont think you had meant to purposefully cause strife, so please dont think we're upset with you!

as for your ask, i get why you would feel that way. Devyn tends to answer a lot and doesn't cushion his answers as much as some of us do, but it isn't due to him not caring or simply wanting the inbox empty - Devyn does care a lot about answering things well, he just prefers to get to the point rather than writing out giant walls of text. rather than try to explain things for Devyn, i'm gonna let him finish up the post by explaining his method for answering asks - i dont want to accidentally say anything that isnt true, but i can guarentee that Devyn does care. if he didn't care, he wouldn't still be here - he does care for all of you, and he does want to help! if he didn't, he wouldn't be putting in the effort that he has been to change how he responds to things in a way that won't upset or trigger people, and he wouldn't put in the effort to try and get input from the rest of us mods. please, do let us know if there's anything else we can do moving forward to help things feel less bad for you. we don't want anyone to feel like they cant be helped or that we dont care for them.

mod berry 💗

---

Hey anon.

I wanted to make sure I also answered this in case you were looking for an answer from me directly.

Originally I had a few paragraphs here essentially echoing what Berry said, but it felt too repetitive and I ended up cutting it out.

We had another ask that we mentioned we're tacking the response to on here. I'm going to copy-paste some of the text from it for context since y'all obviously haven't (and won't) see it, so that my response makes sense:

[...] we wrote in and got a quick response from Devyn whereas previously we got really detailed responses from other mods. It felt like Devyn just sees it as a rush to clear the inbox and not work with other mods. And now this blog feels like his exclusively.

I want to start by saying I understand how how I was pretty much the only one who answered anything during September made you feel like this blog is mine exclusively, but I assure you that's not the case - it just happened to be a particularly shitty month for all the mods here. While those issues haven't disappeared, we should have more availability to answer asks currently.

Secondly, something I think will be helpful is if I walk you through the process of how I answer an ask. I was going to use this one to do that and then proceeded to get distracted and forgot and answered it, so here's a fake example ask. Let's say this ask comes in:

Let's say the question is something any of us can answer easily, like, "How many followers do you have?" That's an easy question and we can all look at our follower count and give you a number. So I click answer.

I always start answering genuine asks with some sort of greeting. Usually "Hey anon," is my go-to. Then the answer. "Oh, we have this many." Then I'll end with a well-wish and my name. Easy enough.

I think part of the issue is that if people ask yes or no questions (like "is my trauma valid?") I'd rather say something short in response, like, "Yes, your trauma is valid regardless of what it is," and sign my name than waste our readers' time and my breath answering with extra words. I just don't see the point in using more words than I need to. I try very hard to make it clear, especially in shorter responses, that I'm not trying to be hostile and am actively aware of my tone. Some answers have more words in them because I always try to make sure to explain what I feel could be misunderstood and that's not always easily done in one or two sentences.

Another thing that might be part of the issue is that Berry, for example, tends to answer asks by grouping paragraphs after which they hit enter only once, and I hit enter twice to start a new paragraph. That doesn't mean Berry's answer has any more actual content in it than mine does, it just might look like that because the format ends up looking more dense in Berry's answer.

Anyway, if someone feels like they want to answer a certain ask but doesn't have the spoons, they can save it with their name to the drafts, which is where a lot of our unpublished asks live. It's like the purgatory of the ask box, because sometimes I put an ask there and sometimes I only think about it. 😬

Asks that go to our drafts aren't ignored, that's just sort of a transition period. If the ask is slightly more complicated, we usually discuss it first in the mod Discord - which you guys obviously can't see. Sometimes if we collaborate on an ask, whoever sees it in the ask box first is the one who ends up answering it, but not always. But we usually just sign those with a single name for sake of ease. If we put all the names of all the mods who contributed any thought to an ask, most of them would have all of our names on them. Also, it's not necessarily accurate to sign my name to an ask if all I'm commenting on is the tone of an ask. Sure, I technically contributed, but I didn't say anything helpful.

If multiple people have thoughts on an ask, usually what we do is one person answers it and the others reblog with their thoughts. This ask is an exception because last time we answered an ask specifically about me that way, it escalated the situation, and we're trying to avoid that.

If none of us know how to answer an ask, we'll usually publish it for our followers' input after a week. I try to follow up about asks that are in drafts pretty often, so usually they don't sit there for a month, but like we've said multiple times, this month has been a bit of an outlier for all of us.

So essentially what I'm saying is that just because you don't see active ask collaboration happening doesn't mean it's not. It all happens in the Discord and, unless you're also a mod in our server, you're not going to see that discussion happening.

Hopefully this helps with the misunderstandings.

Mod Devyn

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[elliot-orion]

An Overdue Writing Update 8/9/19

Word Count (today): 8427

Favorite Line: “Do you hate me?” I wonder. “Just curious.” “I hate this you. This awful person you became once Sophie left. I actually really liked the you I saw with her.” Grace sighs. She sounds… sad. “How funny. I’m the same way.”

(the month overdue) Update: So we’ve hit writing well over 5000 today so that means i need to stop writing, which also means i’ve been bored as heck for the past three hours with nothing to do because all i want is to KEEP WRITING DFSGHFKJLGH so i thought i’d pop back to tumblr and catch yall up since i’ve been absent for exactly a month, funnily. Its under a read more because... long...

In this month, I’ve written... 38k words for this rewrite of a story i discontinued years ago because it fucking sucked (obviously, i wrote it when i was 12 for gods sake). Its just hit the Finale where i left it, but i’m intending to leave it there because i dont like the Finale i’ve set up and intend to change it completely in the rewrite ANYWAYS, so who cares right? Since ive been doing rewrites and comparing them to how i do first drafts, i’ve been noticing that my first drafts have shit pacing (i mean obvi it’s a first draft), but that turns into underwriting like fuck, aka ending at 40k-50k words. Sparks Fly T1 was barely over 50k, T3 ended at 62k, and i intend to do a T4 at some point too, where i expect it’ll get even longer. So ive actually been putting less pressure on myself to get pacing and length and whatnot right in the first draft, and really just getting the idea and general plot. Which, okay, i know is what you are SUPPOSED to do in first drafts and this isnt any big revelation, but you need to realize, i haven’t rewritten anything in the past 9 years of writing until Take 3 of sparks fly (T2 didn’t get past 20k words, but im counting it as an attempt). For 9 years of writing novels, i did my best to get draft one PERFECT because i knew i wouldnt redo it, and i think that caused a lot of my unfinished wip actually. Too much pressure. Now that i know i CAN do rewrites if its worth it, its not as big a pressure.

So because of this realization, I finished the rewrite of the old thing, which im considering its first take(idk why i call them Takes, not Drafts? idk its just a thing i do). i’m changing the title, most of the characters are massively changed, the plot is entirely scrapped and redone, like it’s just a new story now with vague inspiration from that old thing at this point. It’s shit, it’s not good, but it’s done (mostly, again didn’t do the end bc it’s being overhauled anyways and i can’t find a way to change the ending that draft has set up without rewriting it all so. shrug. might do it anyways, prob wont). I’m also starting something new in the DHU universe that i cant say anything about, but i think i started it like, two scenes after it probably should start, the pacing is truly terrible, but im having a ball because im not putting any pressure on myself to do those right, i’m just exploring the characters and piecing together the plot. It’ll probably wind up being around 30k, but hopefully its more. So this story is going great, and i’m really happy i figured this out about myself. Finishing rewriting Sparks Fly was honestly the biggest achievement i’ve ever made in writing, and i’m so proud of it, and just. I’m so glad i did it, because it’s just made things so much better for me, simply because i proved i can do it. It might take a few years breathing room, but i can do it. Any just... yea.

So that’s what i’ve been up to this past month basically. The redo of the thing from when i was twelve, and this new project i can’t say anything about yet. Oh, also a shitty fanfic or two. I won’t be coming back to tumblr except very sporadically to make an update or say hi to someone, by the way. It’s been so amazing for my mental health to be off here, and my writing productivity has gotten much better to, and... yea. I have a discord though, so if you want to keep in touch with me, that’ll be the way to go! just shoot me a message and when i see it, i’ll give you my username. ^^

[doctormage]

hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!! 

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired