#this isn't particularly happy
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guppygiggles · 2 months ago
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lord-squiggletits · 20 days ago
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Y'know I kind of feel like when Megatron killed Tarn and said 'I want you to spend your final moments thinking of this: that everything you've done has been for nothing' he was kind of self-projecting onto Tarn? Mainly because at Megatron's statue, M and T had a conversation where Tarn explicitly asked if all the Decepticons in service to Megatron died for nothing, if HE did everything he did for nothing. (And I think M even gave an answer along the lines of 'idk I think we basically did'). And then after Megatron killed the DJD and Rodimus teleported in to rescue him, there was that silent moment where Megatron just stared at Rodimus not moving at all before he finally took his hand at the last moment.
It honestly feels to me like for a while, Megatron fully intended to murder-suicide himself. Murder the DJD, his monsters and his creation, and then take himself out alongside them, because he is also a monster. Because he also feels that everything he's ever done has been for nothing.
Goddamn it's no wonder I liked that scene so much LMAO, as someone who thinks villain Megatron > Autobot Megatron, literally one of his key traits is that Megatron basically took his pain/trauma/worldview and used it to lash out at the universe and try to subjugate it to his vision. So the fact that he took his own pain and brutally murdered the DJD while telling them the very same thing that puts him through so much agony is so very deliciously ironic. And a return, however brief, to the Megatron characterization that I know and love.
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dnangelic · 14 days ago
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like it's just the way that outside of the BATB/POTO 'love what's ugly and ostracized' narrative itself cocteau was gay and everybody hated his gall about it, howard ashman was gay and had to conceal it and died of aids after finishing his work for disney's batb.... rather than have dark be homophobic and spitting in the face of his inspirational roots (the sole canon detail i can't stand) it's much much much more interesting for me to both read and write not someone who's meant to be a pervert (in humor) and an agape lover (in serious contextualization) only to turn and say 'no homo' to the crowd every single time but rather, instead of all that, someone who, simultaneously taking daisuke into account, is both extremely firm yet simultaneously insecure in the struggle to establish their identity not only in regards to themselves but also around others.
that applies to a lot, but i've been considering it especially in regards to dark's gender and daisuke's attractions. dark in my portrayal (while overall 500% nonbinary) is closer to someone bi-gender rather than agender; the feminine aspect to him isn't just theatrics, it's actively also part of his entirety to him, (compared to daisuke's passivity; the ten thousand canonical princess allusions,) and even if nobody ever recognizes it in a cognizant way, it is always, always there, the same way that erik blurs and obscures gender in leroux's novel (my second enormous inspiration, sugisaki's outright admitted primary) and sakurai occasionally discusses his relationship as both a performer and a person as well (my third enormous inspiration and sugisaki's secondary,) (see 1, 2.) simply put, the tragedy of (my!) dark does not ever derive from his being able to choose and sit comfortably and confidently with this sort of identity (in fact, it's one of the few things he can stubbornly, viciously decide for himself [alongside daisuke] as essentially a non-human, autonomous 'angel',) it's instead the way that his personality is so strong and 'anti-feminine' in the eyes of convention that said aspect of himself often gets disregarded for strictly masculine (and regardless, further self-contradictory and therefore isolating,) expectations.
dark himself alone does not care if others do not understand him; this is meant to be one of his far more admirable and impressive traits. he's staunchly independent: he knows who he is, what he's supposed to be, and he knows that if he actively presented himself more femininely (crossdressing to 'pass' essentially,) then people's behaviors WOULD be very likely to change around him, but he doesn't even do that because it goes against his overwhelming sense of pride. he never contorts, he never twists himself, what matters to him is that he and he alone understands himself and knows what he is, what he isn't. but he is, without proper support or acceptance, still alone. even bearing a strong character, the stifling loneliness and inherent, underlying self-sense of broken/wrongness of the 'other,' (god's luciferean problem child, the black sheep, the black-leather wearing punk,) is still inflicted on him. dark exists solely for himself, he exists solely for daisuke, which is simultaneously wherein the inversion and insecurities lie: if dark is canonically the live metaphor for all the aspects of daisuke's self that he attempts to and yet cannot possibly, conceivably repress, from his loves to his faults to his shames and his criminal sins as a thief, then the likes of daisuke's own personal confusions in regards to himself and his attempts at intimacy/socialization with others is the other, hidden side of dark's absolute self-confidence; it's every fear of perpetual isolation, misunderstanding, and abandonment for things outside of daisuke's own control.
queerness in relation to the self (transgender allegory) queerness in relation to others (non-hetero-romanticism) mental illness (depression, anxiety,) etc, etc, dark's thematic basis may at its most general simply be "a secret that feels wrong and that you feel you can't really tell anyone or else you'll get in trouble/won't be as liked as much" but it feels much better to give due respect to each of these primary roots.
#*・゚⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#reference.#'tsun r u angry about homophobic dark again' u can't take the guy everybody loves and is supposed to actively admire in the series#then have him say all the time he hates gays. when he's gay#DN's mothers and grandfathers are all gay sakurai was smashing his head against that boundary even in the 90s ish#what's not clicking#this is not a particularly well thought out ramble btw#i just think it's important that dark as a character (mine i mean) has a particular kind of struggle that isn't often actively touched on#which is being strong but lonely. deeply independent but out of necessity. he doesn't need assurance per se; just acceptance#as yes. still a young child. /a teenager./ not an adult.#even though he's constantly putting his entirety into subtly. selflessly giving (just as shamelessly as he takes as a thief)#dark really. does not get a lot back. and it's even at the point where he doesn't want it either bc hes the 'responsible' one#it's often that people lose interest in him once this stuff comes into play because suddenly he's less attractive for being 'complicated'#and/or bc he's not a 'real' girl. or he's not 'fem' enough (again: strong personality. opposite of a waifish damsel)#nvm me getting followed once by an all fem muse blog that said no fem+fem shipping 😭😂 what the hell even was that#dark counts himself as 'male' he counts himself as 'female' he counts himself as 'other' he just doesn't want to connect with 'none'#because he and basically all the other arts also are all 'none' from the start. they're artworks. canonically their pronouns are all over#the place too. in dark's case he only uses he/him because he is. an ore-sama chara. but i hope#everybody who ever comes into my house (blog) knows him and mine very specifically#as an ore-sama ojou-sama. that's what Mine Is#the same way daisuke is christine. is sleeping beauty. is gerda from the snow queen. but also the cursed prince#ok? ok#ok. im going to cook now#like i love riku but we do not need to bash gay ppl to have a happy het shoujo romance#riku couldve had a cute gf if she wanted. the gf couldve been dai. couldve been dark. :/#'daisuke was originally to be a girl but there weren't a lot of romances from boys' perspectives' and he still can be both. this is how
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myplaylists-angeli · 8 days ago
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nightmare before college - twstween playlist
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ft. Happy 200th Angeli's Playlist
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 4 months ago
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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imitor · 26 days ago
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hey - so since gege never thought to tell us why the inumaki clan had been outlawed and why jujutsu society was happy to let their entire bloodline die out along with, in my opinion, one of the strongest techniques in the entire lore, i've taken it upon myself with my own original character (inumaki no sukeyasu) to say that at one point in time they were considered in line with the big three until their inherited techinque holder of the period was killed by another sorcerer and nothing was done about it, so they closed their doors to jujutsu society and developed a strictly "them or us" attitude in which they only cared for and extended their hands for the people living within their lands. this changed roughly two generations before sukeyasu, in which their forbearers once again thought to open themselves to the whims and orders of jujutsu society, but after sukeyasu's death in the war against sukuna (being that sukeyasu's twin brother was head of the family at this time, and in his grief he dealt the extreme) they once again turned their backs on society. closed their doors, made it very clear they were not to be involved with any future disturbances, and in anger against their defiance to fall into order, they have been outlawed ever since.
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oidheadh-con-culainn · 10 months ago
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i'm sorry i'm not being fun enough on my personal blog which is the only place on the internet i get to just be a person and not have to be professional because it's the only place my colleagues and employers don't follow me but also i'm not sorry because sometimes being grumpy is part of being human and i'm so goddamn tired of having to perform perfection on the internet
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thebarefootking · 10 months ago
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format borrowed from @gallusrostromegalus
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carefulfears · 3 months ago
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what do you consider the heart of californication? like really carries through the series & makes it compelling
thank you for this question, i really love it. to me, it's a number of things, starting with that the show cares deeply about hank and takes him seriously in a way that the culture doesn't. in a way, yes, he's their dog and pony show with the funny one-liners and the salacious pull. but the arc of the series is unequivocally aligned with him and his desires and his needs and his values.
hank wants to be with his family, wants to be better for them, wants to not let them down- and the show needs him to fail at all of those things. for the dog and pony of it all, for their viewership and for their thesis and for the food in their mouths, but it simultaneously feels bad that he is failing. simultaneously knows that this isn't what he wants, and that it's sad. and it can be as simple as a dream sequence or a look or a quiet final scene, but every single episode is ultimately going to remind you that everything you're laughing at is a loss.
which, like i said at the top, speaks to a level of respect that the show had for the character that is just gone in discussions of the series. they take the time to recognize that he is missing something. he is losing something and he is without everything that means anything to him, this is the cost. equally important, duchovny respects that character and understands the same.
i was listening to an interview last night (trish you heard this) where he was speaking with some podcast dudebros and one of the hosts said that he always wanted to be just like hank moody, and then he made some "bad decisions" and got there, and he doesn't like it. and duchovny said that every time people come up to him saying "i'm just like hank moody," he says "i'm sorry."
men watch and they want to be just like hank moody and women watch and they want to fuck hank moody so bad, and all of you miss what the source comprehends: that it's an irreparable deficit.
other than that, i feel like what roots that show is that it really isn't all that cynical. not in the way that it could be. and the show believes in hank.
there is a lot of kindness and hope (often false hope) that runs underneath most every relationship and interaction and dynamic in the series and i really really appreciate that about it. it's like in the pilot when hank is being mean and he wants marcy to yell at him and she just says "go home, honey. sleep it off. tomorrow's another day."
there's always a little bit of understanding and grace amongst the crazies and i think there's something really special about that
#gave up on this <3 you're gonna pick up what i put down. i trust#people on this show love each other. that's the heart of californication#at the end of s3 when one of the women that hank had slept with (felicia) says 'it's all done with great affection' about#them dragging him to HELLLLLLL all day lol#'come here. be happy in new york.'#and she goes back in to her husband. happy and laughing#that's just one of my favorite scenes because everyone on the show wants the best for each other#and it isn't just people being lenient and softer than deserved with hank#he is extremely loving to family/friends/random women#and all of the characters are so good and thoughtful to each other#it's nice in a way that stands out in a sardonic comedy that's reduced to 'tits and ass'#there is so much compassion and care cycling through everybody#that's what carries the series for ME. and i don't think i could really explain it further#even random scenes like lew ashby coming into the bathroom to talk to becca when she's sobbing and won't let her mom in#there isn't any reason for him to do that. it isn't because he wants to fuck karen. it isn't because he's a particularly charitable person.#it's because it's his buddy's kid and he wants her to feel better#i don't think there's a character on the show who wouldn't do that for bec or for the core 4 or for mia#but anyway i know what you mean and i think those things are mainly what grounds it#that it's ultimately compassionate and that it respects its lead#californication
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sskk-manifesto · 4 months ago
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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hawkinslibrary · 1 year ago
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hannah-heartstrings · 21 days ago
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It hurts losing time to grief or depression but sometimes you need to just process and feel things.
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theheadlessgroom · 2 months ago
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@beatingheart-bride
"He...he was."
For so much of her life, August Pace had been Susannah's whole world: She had some memories of her mother, true, but her death in a boating accident when her daughter was three years old had left those memories as being few and far between. Most of what she knew came to her second-hand, stories her father fondly recalled of their courtship, their marriage, and how happy they were to welcome their one and only child into their life.
But beyond these stories keeping the memory of her mother alive in her heart, August Pace was Susannah's one and only family member, and thus, was always by her side, loving and supporting and encouraging her every step of the way. They looked out for one another, they leaned on each other for comfort, they made each other laugh on hard days, they celebrated each other's victories, no matter how small...thus, it was so bizarre, to be on her own now. To be alone.
"He was the best father I could have ever had," she admitted with a small smile. "He was very...warm and gentle. He loved to garden and to cook; most every fruit or veggie we cooked with, he grew himself in our garden. He worked hard, in every job he had, he gave it his all, and even when he didn't get his due despite that, he didn't let it slow him down. He was kind and had a good sense of humor and...I miss him very dearly."
Quickly brushing away the little teardrops pricking the corners of her eyes (hoping Philippe wouldn't notice), Susannah then asked, "Wh-What about your parents? Wh-What are they like?"
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milksrot · 2 years ago
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aubunny
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rossithepixie · 11 months ago
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takes jjk polycule test and takes it twice and both results involve Gojo
One was satosugu and the other was nanago and yeah i guess it's predictable for me
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veggiecorner · 9 months ago
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What are your thoughts on Age of Calamity Zelink!!?? I like that version a lot because champions are alive, and there's the longing and the added pressure on Link and his future if he decides to court Zelda
I'm gonna be honest I dont really think about it much. It's mostly cause 1) i haven't played Age of Calamity and 2) I just feel like...idk no matter how Nintendo sugar coats it Zelda and Link were NOTTT happy in that timeline. Yes they won, yes people are alive but idk!! Also I feel like AoC went against what BOTW established in terms of Zelda and Link's growth together so it was hard for me to really...get attached.
But AoC aside I used to think about a "what if they won, they're a little damaged but they won" scenario but it went EXACTLY how BOTW played out, instead of AoC's cutscenes. Then to me it has a good sense of longing. Zelda would have different motivations and ways to heal v.s. post-calamity Zelda. Hyrule Castle is messy but its still...there and so are many of the people. I feel that this version of Zelda would feel more motivated to rebuild the kingdom and take over her status of Queen (while post-calamity Zelda was like "nah actually. i'm not gonna re-establish a monarchy"). And Link...would still have that same closed off personality. Yeah he'd be more open to Zelda but he's still dealing with that anxiety of that social status given to him. Additionally he's unsure what he is now. He put away the master sword and now what?? who is he? Why doesn't he feel free from this burden? They won, right?
Overall I think theres definitely a different dynamic in their relationship, one that doesn't exist in post-calamity. Do they pursue it? Well its going to take a lot of time, and tbh more growth on Link's side.
Sorry for the long rant kJSBDAKSBJD I think i just lost the plot
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