#this isn't me passing on your ask btw! i'll still try to answer it as best as i can | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

laskyy · 3 years ago

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Hey guys! I'm back from my little break! Sorry for talking so long, but now I'm back and that's all that matters! So now let's get to the imagine!

(Btw this is gender neutral)

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You're all that I want

Tw: mentions of food and drinking water, kissing, mentions of making out (let me know if I missed something)

Genre: Fluff

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It was currently 10 p.m. and you were with the boys of P1h on their practice room. You were Theo's best friend and he invited you to come see him practice, because he knew how much you liked to watch him perform.

"Hey guys, what if we played something?" Jiung suggested as he took the final bite out of his food.

The members had already finished practice and you guys were all just talking, eating and goofing around as usual.

"Sure, but what should we play?" Intak asked as he too finished eating.

"Well we could play truth or dare!" Keeho said excitedly as he picked up his water bottle to take a sip.

"Okay, sounds good! What do you think Y/n?" Theo asked while he softly looked at you.

"I'm down!" You said as you becme shy due to Theo's gaze.

"Me too!" Said Jongseob as he smiled.

"Yeah, let's play!" Soul said as he clung onto Keeho.

"Okay I'll start!" Jiung said. "Uhmm... Jongseob, truth or dare?"

"I'm going with truth!"

"Is it true that you think you're better than Eminem?"

"WHAT? OF COURSE I AM!" Jongseob said as we all started laughing out loud at the youngest's confession.

"Okay Jeminem it's your turn!" Jiung said as he wiped a tear that he shed because of laughing.

The game went on for a while and everyone was getting kind of tired and besides that you still had to clean up the place before going home! So you agreed to play one more time and then everyone would clean up, but things didn't really work like that.

"Okay, Theo truth or dare?" Intak asked like an excited puppy.

"I want to go with... Dare!" Theo answered while smiling. God his smile was beautiful.

"Well..." Intak started but stopped when Keeho whispered something that made the puppy like male smirk. "I dare you to stay here with Y/n and clean up!" He said and everyone besides you and Theo started cheering.

"You can't do that! We all agreed to clean up together!" Theo said trying to sound mad, but he sounded quite excited... Did he want to be alone with you?

"A dare is a dare my dear friend! So have fun cleaning up!" Keeho said while smiling.

"Do I not get a say in this?" You asked kind if shocked by the while situation.

"Well... No! Bye bye!" Intak said as he waved goodbye left the room with the other members following suit.

"Jeez! Sorry that this happened!" Theo said while looking at you with an apologetic look.

"It's fine Taeyang! It isn't your fault! And at least we have each other's company while we clean up!" You said as you smiled at him.

"Yeah you're right let's clean up so we can go rest! I'm sure you're tired!" He said as he patted your head softly.

"But definitly not as tired as you are! You killed it during practice!" You said smiling att the blush forming on his cheeks.

"Thanks Y/n, that means a lot coming from you!" He said as you guys started cleaning up.

Your little cleaning session was made up of you guys talking about random events that had been happening and laughing with each other while cleaning the mess on the floor. Once you were finished you went to the door to open it in order to walk home.

"No no no no no no!" Theo said as he pulled the doorknob as hard as he could.

"What's wrong Tae? Why isn't it opening?" You asked as you watched the boy in front of you struggle.

"It's locked! The boys must have locked it out of habit! Oh my god and they're probably already at the dorm!" He said as he put his hands through his hair.

"Okay let's calm down! You can just call one of the boys or something and they can come unlock it!"

"You're right, you're right!" Theo said as he picked up his phone to call Jiung since he was the last one to exit the practice room.

"Hello?" Jiung said.

"Hey Ji, uhm did you lock the practice room door?" Theo asked trying to sound as calm and collected as he could.

"Uhm no I didn't! I even left the key next to your bag so you wouldn't forget to lock it when you're done."

"WHAT? THEN WHY DOESN'T THE DOOR OPEN???" Theo said very distressed and because of that you put your hands on his shoulders in order to calm him down.

"Bro I don't think anyone is is the company at this time! You'll probably have to wait until tomorrow but I'll see what I can do!

"Alright thanks, I guess." Theo said.

"Bye!"

"Bye." Theo ended the call with a stressed look on his face. It's not that he didn't want to be with you, it's the fact that he feels bad that you had to be dragged into this situation.

"Calm down Theo, we'll figure something out! But now while you seem stressed we should distract ourselves alright? Now come here, I can tell you need a good hug right now." You said in a soft tone while you opened your arms for Theo and he gladly wrapped his arms around your body in hopes to relax and feel some warmth. You really loved being hugged by him.

Some time passed and you guys finally let go of the hug while making eye contact with each other, but you broke it off for being too shy to look at him for any longer.

"Uhm.. How about we talk about our first times doing things! Like your first time riding a bike and stuff like that!" Theo said as he still had his hands rubbing up and down on your arms.

"Sure! That sounds fun. Who's going first?" You asked as you both took a sit on the now clean ground.

"I can start and ask you something if you don't mind!" Theo said gently.

"Of course! Go ahead!" You answered while showing a small smile to Theo.

"Okay then, your first time having a partner, like romantically. How was it?" He asked with a teasing smile on his cute face.

"Oh my god! Well it was in middle school I think! The most we ever did was hold hands and then he broke up with me because my hands were too sweaty!"

"Really?!? Oh wow!" He said as he started laughing at your story.

"Yeah, oh well. It's my turn now! Let me think... How about your first kiss?" You asked innocently, waiting for his answer.

"Oh uhm this is embarassing actually, but I've never kissed anyone before." Theo said as he scratched his neck and laughed awkwardly.

"Oh it's okay Taeyang! You don't need to have had your first kiss at a certain age! If you didn't find the one yet, then just wait! It's better to wait to have it with the right person than to just have it to get it over with, you know?" You said reassuringly as you grabbed his hand and rubbed soft circles on it.

"Yeah I guess, but I think I already found someone." He said still not looking in your eyes.

Even though you were his best friend, you had strong feelings for him and the fact that he said this kind of hurt your feelings, but you couldn't just ruin what you had with him. You'd much rather have him as your best friend than not having him close to you at all.

"Oh, that's great Theo! You should tell them!" You said with a heavy heart.

"Well, I think I already made it obvious to who I like, but I don't know if they got the memo." He said as he finally looked at you blushing.

"Do you think the person likes you back?"

"I mean, everytime I display affection, they blush and they always hug me longer, but they might just not want to appear cold, so they reciprocate the affection."

"Maybe you should tell them clearly that you like them!" You said while looking down at your feet.

"But the thing is I'm awful with words!" Theo said while running one of his hands through his pink hair (I know his hair is not pink right now, but I pictured Theo from the image above for this imagine).

"Then maybe a certain gesture, like gift them something, like a letter or whatever." You said hoping he'd let this topic go.

"You're right! I can do a gesture, but maybe I could do something that would show my love to the person through affection... I COULD KISS THEM! Oh wait but I don't know how to do that... YOU COULD TEACH ME!"

"CHOI TAEYANG ARE YOU OFFICIALLY OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND?" You yelled as you were shocked he would ask you such a thing.

I mean, sure, you always wanted to kiss Theo, but not just as a one time thing... You wanted him to be yours only.

"C'mon! I trust you with my life and I promise you that things won't stay awkward afterwards! Please! For me!" Theo said as he kneeled in front of you with both of his hands clasped together as he gave you puppy eyes.

You weren't going to accept, but then you thought this might be your only chance to kiss him, and as selfish as it sounds you wanted him just for yourself and for a moment you could have that.

"Fine, but just this once!"

"THANK YOU! YOU'RE THE BEST! I LOVE YOU!!" Theo said as he hugged you so hard you both fell down.

"Y-you're welcome." You said shyly, because of the proximity between you two.

"Can we stand up for this? I think I'm tired of sitting down!" Theo said as he stood up and straightened his back.

"Sure, it's fine! Wow! I never thought I'd be in this position with you!" You said as you both giggled softly.

"Well, but you are! Better make the most of it!" If only he knew.

"Okay now, for this you should be holding the person you're going to kiss in a way that's comfortable with them."

"Okay, since I'm kissing you, what do you prefer?"

"Well you can put your hands around my waist if that's okay with you!" And as you said this, his hands were around your waist and he was smiling sweetly in your direction.

"Right, what's next!" He asked enthusiastically.

"Well now you need to get closer and just do it. You need to move your lips against your partner's in a way that you enjoy, this doesn't have some sort of formula or something, you just have to go with the flow. And you might wanna picture that I'm the person you like so it's more enjoyable for you!"

He got closer to you as your lips were barely touching as he said "I don't need to imagine anything, when you're standing right in front of me. You're all that I want."

You barely had time to process what he said because he looked in your eyes and closed the gap between your lips softly and you felt as if you were on cloud 9.

You guys were lost in each other's lips. For someone who never kissed someone in his life, Theo was amazing. Your lips fit against each other's perfectly.

He moved his lips against yours in a very slow motion, almost as if he was calculating what his next move would be. You mentally gasped when he took one of his hands that was on your waist and put it in your hair as he deepened the kiss. You didn't feel fireworks like they all mentions in the movies and books, but instead you felt warmth, you felt loved, you felt high on his lips, and you never felt this way with anyone ever.

You and Taeyang kept making out. It seemed like you just couldn't get enough of each other. As if the moment you let go, the world would end. But much to your dismay, Theo pulled away from the kiss to breathe and you couldn't get enough of the sight in front of you. Your favourite boy was standing in front of you with his hair disheveled, lips slightly red and a boyish smile on his face.

"Are you sure you never kissed before? Because my god!" You said as he giggled and pecked your cheek softly, a gesture that made you blush.

"And also, what you said before you kissed me... Did you mean it? Do you like me?" You asked as your voice only got smaller. But by the look on Taeyang's face he still heard you.

"I do mean it, I always did! And I should have confessed first and then I should have courted you and only then kissed you. But I just saw an opportubity and took it. But I truly had never kissed anyone before, you were my first!!" Theo said as he smiled at you.

You didn't have words to answer so you just put your arms around his neck and kissed him as passionately as you could. Theo reciprocated the kiss and this time he went all out and even dared to lick your bottom lip, a gesture that surprised you to say the least but you granted him entrance anyway. Your tongues moved in sync as you held on tighter if that was even possible.

You didn't realise how long you guys were making out until you heard the door open.

"Guys we made I-OH MY GOD MY VIRGIN EYES!" Intak yelled as he appeared shocked by the scene before his eyes.

You guys quickly pulled away and soon the members entered the practice room and they rapidly caught on what happened as your guys' lips were slightly swollen and your hair was a mess.

"Theo! I didn't know you had that in you man!" Jiung said as he put his arm around Taeyang's shoulder. "And Y/n, I'm glad you like our Theo back! He never shuts up about you! It's always Y/n this, Y/n tha-"

"Alright! They get it Jiung! Now let's go to the dorm, me and Y/n are tired" Theo said as he interwined your fingers.

"I wonder why you're tir-OW! WHAT DID YOU HIT ME FOR?" Keeho yelped as Theo smacked the back of his head.

You all went out to the dorm and while in the van you and Theo couldn't help but share small kisses to express how happy you were. Not only you got to kiss Theo as he is now your lovely boyfriend!

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Hope you liked this imagine guys! I decided to post it sooner to be able to finish Intak's imagine in time for his birthday! By the way this wasn't proofread so if there are any mistakes I'm sorry! Let me know what you thought of this and please do request something if you want to! Love you guys 💖💖

#p1harmony #p1harmony fluff #p1h imagines #p1h scenarios #theo fluff #choi taeyang #theo p1h #Theo

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bumblesimagines · 4 years ago

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The Oldest Pogue

Part 2

Request: Yes or No

Btw some things might change but not drastically.

(Y/N) stood beside JJ, munching on a twinkie as he watched him toss rock.

"Thanks for sticking up for me." JJ mumbled, looking at him. (Y/N) nodded, giving a small smile.

"Of course, JJ." (Y/N) patted his hand before turning his head as John B started speaking.

"Look, I'm callin' it off, alright?" John B looked at them. "Peterkin said, if I stay out of the marsh, she'll help me with DCS."

"And you believed her?" JJ cocked a brow. (Y/N) gently nudged him. He knew Peterkin well. She was like a mother to him.

"Yes, I believe her, JJ."

"An actual cop, John B. You believed a cop." JJ tossed another rock. (Y/N) internally sighed. He knew JJ had a long history with cops and he knew a lot of the ones in the department just took the job to have power over people. It took a while for the group to trust (Y/N) cause of his father.

"How do we know he won't snitch?" JJ asked John B, not caring about being quiet. Kiara shot (Y/N) an apologetic smile. (Y/N) brushed her off. He stood, stepping outside and approaching them.

"Look, if I were you, I wouldn't trust me either. I don't mean any harm to you guys. You don't have to trust me right away and I don't expect it. Dad isn't using me to spy on you. I have free will to do whatever the fuck I want. I can help you guys if you get arrested by lowering the bail or convincing them to not arrest you at all." (Y/N) shrugged.

"John B and Pope are my friends. I'm not here to take your spot." (Y/N) shifted his gaze onto John B. "When's your dad getting home? I could start up dinner for everyone."

"All I gotta do is stay out of the marsh for a couple of days, and she'll help me out. It doesn't help that your ass was the one shooting a gun." John B said, tossing his beer to the side. JJ rolled his eyes.

"You know what we should have done, man? We should've let Topper drown your ass." JJ said, continuing to toss rocks.

"Yeah, like Topper was gonna drown me?" John B scoffed.

"Sure looked like it." JJ replied.

"That's funny."

"I mean have you looked in a mirror?" JJ got off the table, approaching everyone. (Y/N) took his spot, finishing his twinkie as he watched them.

"Come on, tell me some more. Come on." John B encouraged as JJ got closer.

"They always win, don't they, man? Kooks versus Pogues. They always, always win! Goddamn!" JJ shook his head, walking away from them.

"Okay!" Kiara tried to defuse the situation but JJ whipped around. "No, it's not okay!"

"JJ.." (Y/N) sighed, walking towards him.

"No, (Y/N). They don't want us to go down into the marsh. That means there's something valuable down there, and you know it." JJ said, pointed at John B, earning an eye roll.

"I know you do. And I understand why you don't wanna go." JJ pointed at Pope. "You're the golden boy. You got way too much to risk." JJ shifted his attention onto Kiara.

"And you.. I mean, you're rich as fuck anyway. Why would you bother?" JJ looked at (Y/N).

"And you.. You're a golden boy too. Another year of school before you're off to some cooking school where you'll forget about us." (Y/N) frowned, knowing it wasn't true. JJ looked at John B.

"But you and me, man, we got nothing to lose! We really don't, alright?"

"JJ.." John B sighed.

"And I know.. It didn't use to be that way for you." John B shook his head.

"I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to talk about it." John B went to walk past JJ.

"So that's it?" JJ asked. John B pushed him away.

"Just get out of my way, bro." John B huffed, walking away. The others could simply watch.

"John B, listen to me. I have a plan." JJ said, following him and standing beside him.

"You got the key to Cameron's big boat, right?" John B tried to object. "There's scuba gear inside, man. We just borrow that, and then we go down to the wreck this afternoon, and that is what's gonna save you, man." JJ said, holding his shoulders.

"You don't see rich kids going to foster care, do you?" JJ questioned. John B seemed hesitant.

"I know this is gonna sound shitty of me.. But.. What if this could be or lead to a possible hint of where your dad is, John B?" (Y/N) watched them turn to face him.

"(Y/N).." Kiara shook her head. (Y/N) sighed.

"I know this is a sensitive topic but, think about it. We haven't heard from him in nine months and suddenly you guys find this boat. It never hurts to try." (Y/N) shrugged.

"Scooter was probably drunk and thought it would be fun to ride the waves." Kiara said. "Plus you're supposed to be the voice of reason and logic, like Pope!"

"I know, Kie." (Y/N) sighed, looking at John B. "Up to you."

"Make this quick, alright? Dad has a group of officers and volunteers out looking for this wreck." (Y/N) said.

"Oh, good. You're back." Kiara looked at him. (Y/N) gently shoved her. Kiara laughed softly, checking the tanks.

"This is empty. You took empty tanks?" Kiara asked. John B ran his hand through his hair, shrugging lightly.

"Okay, this one's a quarter full. It's enough for one of us." Kiara said, looking at the boys.

"Love it when a plan comes together." JJ mumbled.

"Does anybody know how to dive?" Kiara asked. They remained silent.

"Anybody?"

"It's kind of a Kook sport." JJ said. Kiara sighed.

"The closest I've ever gotten was watching a documentary." (Y/N) shrugged. JJ chuckled. "Nerd."

"I... Read about about it." Pope said.

"Great, Pope read about it and (Y/N) watched a documentary, so somebody's gonna die." Kiara shook her head.

"Look, y-you put the thing in your mouth and breathe. How hard could it be?" JJ questioned.

"Well, if you come up too fast, nitrogen gets into your blood, and you get the bends." Pope informed them.

"Bends like, bend over and.." JJ arched his back.

"The bends kill you." Pope interrupted. JJ blinked and straightened up. "Right." (Y/N) snorted, shaking his head.

"I can... I can dive." John B offered.

"Yeah, you can dive. I'm cool with that." JJ nodded.

"Since when can you dive?" Kiara asked, brows furrowing as the wind tossled everyone's hair.

"I'll do it. It's fine." John B assured. Pope stood.

"Let me do some calculations real quick." Pope said. Kiara stared at John B, frowning and shaking her head. Pope quickly did the calculations. Kiara took off her shirt and jumped into the water, causing the boys to look.

"Uh.." John B glanced at the boys.

"What was that all about?"

"I don't know, but I liked it. A lot." JJ grinned. (Y/N) rolled his eyes. "Don't be jealous, (N/N). We still think you're hot." JJ patted his head.

"I know. I catch you guys staring. A lot." (Y/N) said, watching the boys softly flush and look away.

"So, uh, yeah. When you, uh, when you're down there, you look for the cargo hold, you stick this thing inside and twist and pull, away?" JJ showed him the key. Kiara resurfaced, swimming towards the boat.

"Hey, I tied my t-shirt to the anchor chain about ten feet down. It's where you need to do your safety stop." Kiara told them. (Y/N) helped her onto the boat as Pope helped John B prep some more. JJ tried giving him some advice on keeping calm.

"When you start running out of air, resurface.. Even if you haven't found anything. Your safety is more important than some wreck." (Y/N) said. John B nodded.

"Got it, Mama Pogue." John B grinned.

"Hey, if we get caught out in the marsh, we're bascially screwed, so... Better get a move on." Pope said. John B nodded as Kiara approached him. She stepped up, leaning in and pecking his cheek. John B blinked. The boys exchanged glances.

"Diver down?"

"Diver down." Kiara stepped down as John B hopped into the water. He disappeared under. (Y/N) anxiously watched the water, searching for signs of distress.

"He'll be fine, (Y/N)." JJ gently tugged on his arm. (Y/N) sighed and nodded, sitting beside him. JJ gently bumped his knee against (Y/N)'s, their legs touching. (Y/N) was too focused on the water to notice. They heard a siren sound and turned to look.

"Fuck me." (Y/N) whispered. JJ cocked a brow, giving a grin. (Y/N) noticed and nudged his leg, chuckling.

"Just act frickin' normal." Kiara said.

"You should deal with this, (Y/N)." Pope said. (Y/N) huffed lightly.

"Evening, officers." Pope greeted. Shoupe immediately looked at his son.

"Evening." Shoupe returned the greeting. He cleared his throat, looking at them.

"How you kids doing? The marsh is closed. (Y/N), you know this." Shoupe shot his son a pointed look.

"Sorry, dad. I forgot.. I had a lot of things on my mind and it slipped. I was thinking about our conversation from yesterday." (Y/N) looked at him, frowning. Shoupe sighed but nodded.

"Why is it closed anyway?" JJ asked.

"Well, we're conducting a search out here. Boat went down." Shoupe explained. "Seen anything?"

"Nope. No boat." Pope and JJ shook their heads. (Y/N) licked his lips, shaking his head as well.

"Where's your friend you always hang with? He here?" Shoupe asked them all, though he looked at (Y/N). JJ and Pope subtly glanced at each other.

"He's working." Kiara answered. Shoupe hummed.

"I'm gonna check your little boat out." Shoupe said, getting on the boat. (Y/N) sighed deeply.

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to embarrass you, (Y/N)." Shoupe said. "Feels like it." (Y/N) mumbled.

"You can check her out." Pope shrugged, standing and letting Shoupe wonder around, checking things. Shoupe stepped up, putting his sunglasses on and looking at the water. (Y/N) watched him, anxiety slowly spiking. Minutes passed.

"Are you done checking out your reflection, dad?" (Y/N) asked. Shoupe chuckled, turning around and looking at them.

"Beautiful day, ain't it?" Shoupe headed back to his boat. The boys agreed.

"Let us know if you find anything on your way out." Shoupe said.

"Will do." Pope nodded. Shoupe started the engine, heading away from them. They quickly went to the edge, waiting for John B to resurface.

"He's definitely out of air." Pope mumbled. John B surfaced, the anxiety and tension leaving. JJ quickly helped John B.

"Did you find anything?"

"Did I find anything.." John B grinned, tossing the bag into the boat.

"Yeah, there we go! That's my boy!" JJ laughed.

"You okay?" Kiara asked.

"Yeah, I ran out of air." John B climbed onboard.

"Yeah, the cops were up here, but, uh... We took care of 'em." Pope said. (Y/N) brushed the hair out of John B's face, shaking his head.

"That was stupid but.. We got something out of it." (Y/N) mumbled.

"Hey, guys? Guys, bogey, two o'clock." Kiara said. The boys turned their heads, seeing the boat.

"Anyone recognize that boat?" Pope asked.

"Nope."

"Never seen it." Kiara shooo her head. "What are they doing here? The marsh is closed."

"Dad said volunteers could help." (Y/N) reminded.

"Let's not stick around." JJ said.

"JJ, get the bowline." John B said. (Y/N) kept an eye on the boat.

"They don't seem friendly." (Y/N) mumbled.

"Don't wait for me." JJ said as John B started the engine. They quickly tried leaving.

"They're picking up speed." (Y/N) called. They glanced back.

"They're following us." Kiara glanced at the boys. They quickly got into a chase. (Y/N) looked back at the boat.

"Fuck, get down!"

"Why?" A gunshot answered the question. They quickly ducked, John B having to stay standing so he could drive.

"Oh my god, we're gonna die." Pope said. They heard more gunshots, John B making turns which made the shooter miss.

"Shit, Pope, move." Kiara stood, grabbing some nets.

"Kie, get down!" (Y/N) shouted, flinching when another gunshot rang out. Kiara tossed the net into the water, the boat chasing them stopping when the net caught them. They whooped and laughed, shock passing.

"Is everyone okay?" (Y/N) asked. They nodded. "Kie, that was fucking dangerous but smart as hell. Tell us beforehand."

"Yes, Mama Pogue." Kiara chuckled. They got to John B's wooden port and tied the boat before getting off. John B put the duffle bag down, opening it as the others gathered around.

"What do you guys think it is?" Kiara asked.

"It's gotta be money." John B replied.

"Probably drugs." (Y/N) shrugged.

"Can we please just open the bag?" Pope asked, causing the others to look at him.

"Wow, Pope. That's a rare outburst of emotion." John B said, chuckling. They opened it, finding a metal thing. John B opened it and took out the thing inside. His face fell, opening it and staring at the compass.

"Oh, wow. Yup. That's about right." Pope nodded. They seemed dissapointed.

"At least it looks nice." (Y/N) said, noticing the look on John B's face. "What's up?"

"This was my father's." John B whispered, a smile appearing on his face.

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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wreckofawriter · 5 years ago

Text

Revenge

Pairing: Fred Weasley x reader

Word Count: 2,545

Request: Hi love, can I get 82 and 78 with Fred Weasley? I love your writing btw 💕💕💕

78: "This is illegal isnt it?"

82: "I will face god as I walk backward into hell."

Summary: After her boyfriend cheats on her Fred and George help reader get revenge

A/n: I am so sorry this is so late. My summer has been shit, my bestfriend started dating the guy I have liked for over a year, and my other friend is pissed at me rn sooo yeah life is great. Anyway, sorry again and I'll try to catch up on some writing. Hope u guys enjoy!

You woke up to a blinding light turning your eyelids from a dark peaceful space to a bloody red one. You groaned opening them slowly and painfully squinting against the sunlight filtering through the large windows in the common room.

Groaning in confusion you began to gain your senses back, along with memories from the night before. You remembered winning the quidditch game by barely a second then the raging party afterwards, and the number of shots you had taken quickly and painlessly to celebrate your win.

And now you were tangled in limbs with someone on a couch not daring to move because of the pounding in your head that felt like someone was hitting it with a hammer every other second.

Finally the sting slowed to a dull throb and you sat up trying to ignore the intensifying pain once again rising in your head. You looked around to find your legs wrapped around your best friend's. Your head had been in the crook of his arm and you had to push his other arm off your shoulder.

You slid your legs off of Fred and stood up causing the red headed boy to stir but not wake. You then began to take in your soundings.

The floor was littered with red plastic cups and garbage. There was red and gold confetti everywhere and red streamers across the balcony above.

You sighed and headed up to your dorm pressing in on your temples. You quickly got changed at went down to the common room. You and Cormac were supposed to meet up for breakfast -you had agreed to do so before the match- but now he was probably passed out and hungover.

You sighed and decided to go check. If he was asleep you would just wake up Fred to go with you.

You headed up the stairs your headache fading away thanks to the healing potion you had downed upstairs.

You pushed open the door and was met with two pairs of eyes. One was the hazel of your boyfriend and the others were the deep brown of Katie Bell.

You stumbled backwards at the sight in front of you. Your eyes became blurry with tears. Why was Katie here? Why was she half naked? And why was SHE ON TOP OF YOUR BOYFRIEND?!

"You asshole!" You spat out tears streaming down your cheeks.

Cormac pushed Katie off of him and started towards you.

"Shit y/n, I-I didn't mean for you to see that."

"No shit." You gritted out fury and sadness budding inside you.

He tried to step towards you but you took a step back, "Y/n I-"

"Eight months," you scoffed the comfort you had seen in his eyes gone. "Eight fucking months!"

He flinched at your words as if each one was a slap to the face.

"You threw away eight months to fuck a slut like Katie Bell?!" You screeched not caring that you had just woken a dozen hungover teenagers.

"Hey!" Katie yelled clearly offended.

You turned to her with fury in your eyes that made her cower, "You don't get to speak." You hissed. Katie shut her lips tight and retreated into the corner.

"Don't take this out on her." Cormac said.

"You're defending her!" Your words were sharp and haunted.

"Your one to talk of being a slut when your sleeping with Weasley!"

You let out a sour laugh, "Who? Fred?"

"Yeah Fred, you're all over him!"

"You know what McLaggen?" You scoffed. "I should have been with Fred."

"Yeah, you think you should have been with him?!" Cormac yelled taking a step toward you, "Then go! Go fuck Weasley!"

You looked up at him tears leaving shimmering trails down your cheeks. Your eyes filled with a dark fire, "Go fuck yourself McLaggen." You seethed before turning on your heels and darting down the stairs.

You were met with 11 pairs of eyes each showed emotions ranging from anger to pity. The latter more common than the former.

"Shows over." You murmured angrily.

Most eyes darted away from you and you scoffed before walking towards the portrait hole. You were stopped by a hand catching g your wrist.

It was Fred, he tried to pull you into a hug while murmuring comforting words but you pulled away angrily. You left tears dripping from your chin as your crimson robes billowed behind you.

It had been a week. A week of the glances and the whispers. A week of the pitying looks and pointed fingers. A week of anger and sadness.

Fred watched you suffer for a week and he was done. He couldn't stand watching you fall apart over a boy who you should've been with in the first place. He tried to comfort you but his attempts failed each time. So he decided you needed the next best thing.

Revenge.

Fred and George had a special talent when it came to revenge. So when they found you drunk and alone on the dock to the Black Lake, they decided to take action.

It took the twins two days to come up with the perfect prank. They wanted something that would humiliate him to no end but not physically hurt him.

Well, George to remind Fred of the last part more often than not when the older twin came up with ideas that could seriously injure their target.

Finally they struck gold on a plan.

You sat in the library trying to focus on your potions essay instead of the group of fourth years that were giggling behind their hands pointing at you every so often. You finally snapped whipping around to face the group.

"You point at me one more time and I will cut that finger off." You threatened your voice low and menacing.

The younger students flashed red, eyes widened before mumbling an apology and quickly exiting the library.

"Well you scared the shit out of them." George laughed taking a seat next to you and snatching the quill from your hand.

You sighed, "What do you what Weasley?"

"This is about what you want, what you need." Fred stated sliding on your other side and throwing his arm around your shoulders.

"What's that?" You grumbled visibly annoyed.

"Revenge." Both twins voiced at the same time smirks taking over their pink lips.

And for the first time in weeks you felt a smile across your lips, "Alright, what are we talking?"

You stood in front of the portrait entrance watching as the twins set up the trip wire.

You giggled, "This is illegal isn't it?"

"Nah," Fred smiled back at you he had missed the sound of your laughter.

"It does break about 30 different school rules though." George shrugged.

"Good." You grinned flashing your white teeth. "That means it's going to be brilliant."

"That also means we need a getaway plan." Fred pointed out, sighing and backing away from his masterpiece.

"We could make a run for the closet in the charms room." You suggested.

"Good idea but all three of us won't fit." George explained.

"Okay, we'll go there and you make a run for the astronomy tower." Fred offered smirking at his astounded brother.

"What! Why do you get to go to the easy spot?" Goerge asked visibly annoyed.

"Because I called it." Fred replied, clearly proud of himself.

"The only reason you want to hide in a closet with y/n is because-" George was cut by a particularly cold glare from his twin.

"Because what?" You asked looking back and forth from the boys.

"Nothing." Goerge grumbled rolling his eyes.

You mimicked his actions and sighed, you weren't going to get an answer out of the two any time soon.

"Ok so y/n your going to lead him out then we will let the magic happen. " Fred grind.

"This better work." You mumbled.

"It'll work." George asherrd you.

"Hey McLaggen, I want to talk to you." When those words left your mouth everyone in the common room snapped their attention to you, as usual they had nothing else to do but wait around like vaulters for something interesting to happen.

Cormac smirked looking up at you, "Alright sweetheart."

You almost slapped him, you managed to take a deep breath and force a smile on your face as you walked towards the exit with him.

Just before you exited the portrait hole you looked straight up at him and punched him square in the jaw. Your fist connected with his face and he stumbled backwards clutching the spot where he had just been hit.

Gasps were heard from behind you as some people stood up to get a better view of the scene unfolding in front of them.

"You bitch!" He shrieked, " Your gonna rot in Hell. Rot!"

You sprinted away from him as he started after you. You were sure to step over the tripwire as you darted out of the way.

You turned just as he tripped over the thin wire sprawling to the ground.

"I will face god as I walk backward into hell!" You yelled at him flipping him off as you walked backwards.

You watched with a satisfied smile as the boy who had caused you so much pain was dumped in black ink.

The second the rotten smelling ink covered him George cast a Bedazzling hex and seconds afterwards Fred cast a bat bogey hex and an Antler jinx.

You burst into laughter watching as the boy stumbled around blindly covered in vomit scented ink growing antlers as his own mucus grew wings and attacked his face.

"Come on y/n!" Fred yelled snatching your hand and darting towards the East wing.

The two of you burst into the Charms classroom and darted for the closet. Fred shoved you inside before following and slamming the door behind him.

You were still laughing the hilarious image of your ex-boyfriend dancing in your mind.

Fred was smiling too, how could he not be happy when the sound of your laughter filled his ears?

The two of you stood in the dark closet chests brushing for 4 minutes before your laughter died out, well was more cut off.

Fred heard voices and promptly slapped his hand over your mouth. Your laughter had still been to loud and as much as you tried to stop it you couldn't. So you did the next best thing. You buried your head deep into Fred's chest to muffle the sound.

Fred had never been more thankful for the dark. He swore he was on fire when you had nuzzled into his sweatshirt, wrapping your arms around him.

When you laughter finally did die you just stood there buried deep into his chest, hugging him tightly as you breathed in his sweet scent.

"Thank you." You mumbled, voice barely audible.

"For what?" Fred asked face still hot.

"For everything." You murmured, tried to snuggled deeper into Fred's soft sweatshirt. "You've done so much for me."

"Y/n I would do anything for you." The red headed boy whispered wrapping his arms around you and burying his head into your y/h/c hair inhaling its signature floral scent. The scent he would recognize anywhere. "I love you y/n."

The words tumbled from his lips before he could stop them. His eyes went wide as you pulled away from him in shock.

You felt your breath speed up, "What!?" You cried attempting to back up only to hit a shelf directly behind you.

Fred felt like his whole world just came crashing down on him. He stumbled over his words trying to recover only to realize there was no going back.

"You love me?" You asked eyes wide, eyebrows knitted together as confusions etched itself onto your face.

Fred sighed looking helplessly down at his hands. He finally looked back up at you and exhaled loudly. "Yes."

You stumbled falling against the wall coving your face with your hands. This was too much too soon. Your boyfriend cheats on you and your best friend says he loves you all in one week. This was way too much.

"Look y/n I'm really sorry to spring this on you but it's about time I tell you I've loved you for 4 years." Fred declared.

"FOUR YEARS?" You gasped mouth dropping open, eyed the size of golf balls as you ran your hand through your hair.

"Yeah but it's all your fault." Fred snapped suddenly feeling angry at the girl for putting him through years of unrequited love.

"My fault!?" You yelled anger conquering your features.

"Yeah!" Fred scoffed, "Your the one who had to be all pretty and smart. It's not my fault your perfect! Your the one who made me fall in love with you!"

"What could I have possibly done to make you fall in love with me?!"

Fred's mouth now dropped, "Are you kidding?" He scoffed.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?!" You asked impatiently.

"What made me fall in love with you? Well let's see, how about the fact that you stand up for yourself no matter what, or the fact that you are smarter than the rest of the kids in our year combined. Or maybe that you make the best jokes and you are clever and witty in the best possible way. Or the fact that you are so stupidly beautiful I can't even look at you without imagining what it would be like to run my hands over your-!"

His ranting was cut off when your reached up and grabbed his tie, roughly slamming your lips onto his.

His eyes widened in surprise before shutting slowly as he leaned into the kiss.

One of your hands found their way to the back of his neck while your other ran through his fiery red hair, tugging lightly making him moan. When his lips parted you slipped your tongue inside them tasting butterbeer and chocolate, rich and sweet.

His hands found your waist and pulled you close for a second until you pulled away.

The two of you stood in the dark panting for a few seconds before Fred spoke.

"Why did you do that?" He gasped eyes wide from surprise.

"I don't know!" You yelled, "I just really wanted to kiss you all of the sudden!"

"Well it was good." Fred replied

"Yeah it was." You breathed out.

Another few seconds of silence past.

"Can I do it again?" Fred asked hope inlayed into each word.

"Yeah." You nodded before your lips were connected.

The ginger pushed you against the wall kissing you desperately, his tongue running over your lips before you opened them, pulling him impossibly closer to you by the neck. He started to unbutton your shirt when you were unfortunately interrupted.

Light flooded the closet and you both turned to see a disgusted twin.

"I'm proud of you Fred, but stop before I puke." George grimaced.

"Sorry." You mumbled pulling away from the boy and straightening your shirt.

George began to walk away mumbling "The coast is clear."

Fred brushed past you to follow him but before he could pass you grabbed his hand turning him towards you.

"Hey Fred?" You asked

"Yeah?"

"I think I love you too."

Masterlist

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bloommelon · 5 years ago

Text

Everything Is Blue

WARNINGS: severe angst, suicidal themes, suggestive sexual content, eventual suicide, mental illnesses, eventual character death, unhappy ending, suicidal content, graphic suicide

A/N: please don't read if you're depressed, this is a very sad story but im proud of it because I actually finished something for ONCE. NONE of this is based on real life, it's all fiction. Jaehyun just fit my idea of this character, and I hope no one gets the wrong idea that I tried to glamorize suicide. And also, I do not feel suicidal and I am not depressed because of writing this, i simply got this idea while thinking I should try and write angst. On another note, I hope whoever reads this likes it or at least it makes you feel some type of emotion. Thank you. *i did not proofread at all btw*

Song: Colors by Halsey

✖✖✖✖

August 3rd

Jaehyun and I sat in a field of Nemophila by the river, the sun shining and clouds floating above us eating strawberries and our laughter filling the hot summer air. Jaehyun had taken me to the museum to see his favorite painting an hour beforehand, telling me it reminded him of me. It was a simple painting, blue sky with fluffy white clouds on a sunny day. I'd almost stayed home that day, not wanting to go anywhere due to a flurry of sudden panic attacks that week. "When you're feeling anxious, come here and call me and I'll come as quick as I can." At that moment, I'd been filled with happiness due to Jaehyun's caring nature but I should have been the one making sure he had somewhere to go when he was upset, but his feelings of sadness weren't noticeable back then. Giving him a hug wasn't enough to stop the pain he felt daily just from living. Laughter hurt, and so did seeing me smile making guilt rush through him at the fact that I brought him some happiness, but not enough for him to change his mind.

September 19th

Jaehyun wrote poetry about clouds and sunshine and the color blue. He would have painted himself blue if it was socially exceptable. Most of the poems he let me read brought tears to my eyes, ruining my mascara. He always wiped the mascara off, then he'd kiss all my tears away telling me that's how poetry should make me feel. I told him many times how intense it felt, the emotions brought out by the poems he wrote and he'd stare at me and say" that's how i feel about you." Intense. Wildly. Airy. Bright and warm like sunshine shining down through clouds. Most people tell you to write when you're feeling blue to get whatever you're feeling out of your system so that you can feel yellow and bright again,but he still wished for the sun to poison him. He wished for dehydration and shock to take him away instead of writing useless poems.

October 13th

Friday the thirteenth. Bad omens were shown, I just didn't recognize them. I look back now and something had been off about Jaehyun that day. His smile wasn't the same. It was crooked in a way that it was almost a frown, but to outsiders it passed as a normal expression of happiness. He painted sometimes just like writing, and his paintings left me feeling blue just like the blue sky in august, like the painting in the museum, like the color of the walls in his room. It wasnt even a sad painting-he'd painted a red rose in a field of baby blue eyes by a river at night. It wasn't even sad, but when i touched the paper after it dried, I just wanted to cry. He'd held me telling me about the meaning behind it. "It's supposed to make you appreciate things and people that are different, but still appreciate the normal things and people too. No one should be left out. That everyone and everything is more than meets the eye, you just have to look deeper." The way he talked made me want to cry, and he could sense something was wrong, but the fact that I couldn't look deeper to notice his sadness made me tell him everything was fine. I pretended I was fine and I pretended he was fine, so that in the moment, I could feel like everything was fine when nothing about that day was fine. That night he'd went home and cried himself to sleep, and he'd almost done something heartwrenching but I couldn't ask him a simple 'are you okay?'. He would have lied anyways, but maybe if i would have pushed him to answer he wouldn't have cried alone that night or almost took a razor to his skin.

November 7th

Jaehyun and I would sit in my room for hours in comfortable silence, him drawing while i read books. He'd been noticeably upset on this day. To the point where I kept asking him what was wrong and was everything okay. He started rambling about death and blood to the point where fear bubbled up inside of me, spilling out into the world and when he noticed I was terrified, he had cried and apologized repeatedly. He'd thrown his drawing pad in the middle of all of this, it getting lost behind my bed. I'd held him for hours after that, hoping he would feel better and calm down. It worked on the outside, and I foolishly believed I'd helped him on the inside as well. He wasn't okay, and the way he had talked about blood and death so freely spoke volumes about what he thought of daily. If only I'd tried to look deeper. Most of us take what we see on the outside and assume that there's nothing more to see and we should look away as to not disturb the normalcy of the world.

December 25th

Christmas day was snowy and beautiful, the sun fighting it's way through the clouds to shine down on everything to try and melt the snow, but the snow was relentless and the roads icy. The gifts didnt matter that day as everyone was together and that made Jaehyun filled to the brim with happiness, which mattered a lot more. That night we lay together wrapped in nothing but the warmest blue blanket we could find, the snow falling against the window and the christmas lights above us in my room shining down us painting our faces in green and red. He was happy, but that didn't mean the pain had suddnely disappeared and that family made the bad thoughts run away, he was just hiding them. That night he whispered how much he loved me , lips against my temple. He told me I was the only gift he needed. He didnt know that he was the only gift I needed, and that him staying could have been so much better. Maybe that's selfish. On Christmas some people expect everything they want to be given but give nothing to others. That year, I was sadly part of the people who expect and was given everything I wanted but I gave nothing.

February 14th

Jaehyun's birthday. I had thrown him a surprise party that he loved, wearing a blue dress with pink hearts on it since it was also Valentine's day. Once he opened his gifts, which was a copy of the painting with the clouds on a sunny day that he absolutely adored and a necklace with my name on it in the shape of a cloud. His dimples stayed out all day, like I wish they would have stayed for life. As a Valentine's gift he gave me a blue rose and a painting of me by the river sitting in the field of Nemophila. That night I ended up in only his blue flannel with marks of his love on my skin the next morning,his whispers of "i love you more than anything" ingrained in my thoughts forever. I'd told him the same, but it didnt count as much since he said it first, and knowing now that that wasn't enough for him to stay breaks my heart all over again.

March 2nd

We spent the day walking around despite him being vocal of not feeling like getting out of bed, and he was a bit angry with me until I got him laughing by singing embarrassing 80's songs and dancing awkwardly. We both danced until we got tired, our legs exhausted and breathing was a difficult feat. I told him that he didn't deserve to be sad and he told me "i deserve whatever the world throws at me" which made me worry about him for weeks. I didnt tell him that, although maybe I should have. I just didn't want to make him feel bad when i started having panic attacks again because of it. He didn't know and didn't mean to, he just was in so much pain.

April 20th

He'd cooked for me on this day, telling me he felt a lot better. He appeared completely calm and peaceful like how some people get after doing things they love. Which he was good at cooking and enjoyed it, so I was extremely happy. He hadn't cooked in months-not like this. He was also baking. He wouldn't let me go in his kitchen. "It's a surprise, darling. Just be patient" Although he acted normal enough, whatever normal means, i sensed sadness coming from his being. After we ate, I felt nauseous. He turned into a concerning boyfriend rather than a happy one which made me upset since I knew he was keeping his sadness a secret. While he went to clean the kitchen after throwing a blanket on my cold body, I felt even more nauseous and after contemplating on whether or not to run to the bathroom my body decided for me. Vomiting isn't something anyone is fond of, and Jaehyun was even more concerned when he found me lying on the floor against the bathtub. He threw all the food away after that and blamed himself for me getting sick, though It was just a case of me eating way too much. Once in his bed, he kept apologizing and ended up crying but I held him and told him everything was okay. He didn't tell me that every small thing affected him so horribly it'd leave him wishing he'd never been born. He didn't know that those small things were things he couldn't help, but his brain told him that he ruined everything.

May 27th

Sitting in the field of Baby blue eyes with him felt different this time. More peaceful. We laid down side by side watching the clouds, he always said he wanted to float in the clouds but not anything about how he wanted to be buried like the roots of the nemophila we laid on. He didn't tell me he didnt want to grow anymore, not by himself and not with me-not with anyone. Instead he told me how much he loved me, that he'd die for me and told me it all day. He wouldn't let his hands off of me, never letting go of my hand or arm or hips. He wouldn't let go. He asked me to stay the night and keot me in his arms until I had to work the next day, getting upset when I left. He didn't tell me I'd only have a week or two left of this. Left of being in love, left of seeing his pretty smile and those dimples he was known for showing almost all the time. He didn't tell me he was looking for reasons to stay, trying so hard not to give up.

June 16th

When I'd woken up, a feeling of dread left me near tears all day. I hadn't seen Jaehyun in three days and it'd gotten late in the day without a word from him which was unusual. I pushed the uncomfortable feeling to the side until I'd decided to leave to go see him after calling him and texting him repeatedly. While walking out the door I remembered that day when he'd terified me with that talk of blood and death and him throwing his drawing pad. Worry filled my being, making me feel sick as I pushed my bed onto the side to find his blue drawing pad.

Tears stream down my face at the drawing I found. In my hands was the reason for all his weird behavior,all his guilt and all of his pain. He wanted to die. My Jaehyun wanted to disappear from this world forever. I throw the drawing pad in a random direction and run. I call all of our friends and his family, wanting to know if they had seen him. None of them had. I didn't want it to be true.

My legs carried me to the field of baby blue eyes by the streaming river, the sun shining down so brightly and the clouds reminding me of the painting Jaehyun loved so much.

My legs were already cramping but I pushed through that pain to find the love of my life laying in a field of nemophila, his wrists slit so terribly blood is all you could see. Flowing from his wrists to drip onto the plants under him, it was so red and gory I stopped breathing, running over to him to begin screaming while on the phone with one of his best friends. Johnny knew something was wrong, his voice got further away as he told Mark to call someone. To call 911, to get help.

In Jaehyun's hand was a a razor blade and I grabbed it, throwing the wretched thing far from us. I kept shaking him and screaming at him to get up. Nothing worked. Around his neck was the cloud necklace, and despite the horror I could see, he looked extremely peaceful, his eyes shut permanently. My Jaehyun was gone, and he'd died where he loved, but he'd felt so unloved to come to this place.

I'd never enjoy bright sunny days or museums again. I couldn't, not when I couldn't see Jaehyun's dimples or hold his warm hand. As much as he wanted to burn, he'd left the world cold. The sun still shined so brightly down on us as if nothing had ever happened in this place.

🌹

#angst #jung jaehyun #jaehyun angst #nct angst #jung jaehyun angst #sadness #possibly very triggering #bmwriting #bloommelonwrites

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

Text

Lola & Astrid

Lola: [come in to get your tattoo then, which is on the back of her neck/shoulder blade moment which isn't the worst but I think it vibrates on those bones pretty hard, also the embroidery technique/colour will make it worse/more time, overall vibe a sassy, confident bitch but lowkey nervous on this tattoo] Astrid: [I like to think she's already in there and probably has been for hours because whether it's big or small on this occasion they obvs let her stop whenever she wants and for as long as she wants cos they know her so we just chilling with the dog BFF who goes everywhere with her lowkey and both having a drink of water casually so the dog can go up to her like hey gal] Lola: [have loads of pictures of her with dogs and cats, so gonna say we're an animal hoe and gonna be extra over this lil dog then AFTER you've stroked and loved upon it 'Shit, I've not distracted it, have I? I'm so sorry' like when you aren't meant to with blind people service dogs] Astrid: [just straight up talking to this dog like she's a person like are you okay, do you wanna go and the dog's like nah I'm fine by giving a Lola a toy or something like I think we should play with this gal] Lola: [straight up throwing this toy like we aren't in a tattoo shop like please be careful, probably getting told off by a grumpy tattoo dude and just loling like whoops 'cos the kind of carefree hoe we are 'what's your name?' but we are talking to the dog] Astrid: [being like 'did you forget we like rules?' @ the dog as if she caused this trouble herself and full naming her like a cross mum but we not cross we're more playful about it because autistic bants] Lola: ['so distinguished, suits you madam' and shakes her paw, then touching one of Astrid's leg tattoos as is clearly ground level with this dog rn 'that's gorgeous, how many do you have?'] Astrid: [when you an affectionate af person but you don't know her like that so then you can't answer that question and she must think you're being so rude sorry gal, but let's say the tattoo person answers for you cos probably did most of them but not all so gets it wrong so then you have to answer whatever the right number is] Lola: [you really shouldn't grab people but that's the kinda hoe you are so that's the vibe lol, undeterred but do let go of her leg thanks, just talking about ALL the tattoo ideas you have] Astrid: [at least you can likewise go off about that babe because they are literally another thing you collect/comforts you and makes you feel safe so like you always wanna get more, try not to actually talk over her and listen but it's okay if you do, she'll get over it] Lola: [just listening intently anyway and bowing to her superior knowledge on it 'cos you wanna get more even though you have yet to start this one and are gonna be sobbing in a sec lolll, very seriously turning to the dog 'Winnie, will you hold my hand?' then turning back to Astrid and rolling her eyes 'my girlfriend was too shamed to be seen with me'] Astrid: [just going OFF about aftercare too before she's even started this tattoo because as far as you're concerned there is only one right way to do it and everything else is wrong and a huge no, the grumpy tattoo dude from earlier who Lola's gonna end up having is just gonna try and be like nah she's wrong, this this and this is fine but shh sir tbh. The dog just grinning through all this cos she's buzzing about the energy 'She's not ever going to be heavy enough for proprioceptive stimming but it's still calming when she lies with you, she's soft and she smells nice, does that make sense?' her confused face when she then doesn't understand what she means about her girlfriend not wanting to be here though like um why] Lola: [just ignoring the man like the true lesbian you are, be careful girl, nodding 'total sense, Miss Winifred is a vibe' and giving her an approving sniff like yes 'it smells like bleach in here' probably a good thing babe but we're not happy lol 'ugh, 'cos she's so tough and I'm going to embarrass her' shakes her head like oh girlfriends] Astrid: [repeating back to Winnie that she's a vibe because you like the sound of that thank you but whatever you're gonna say about how it smells in here is interrupted by grumpy tattoo dude complaining that it's because Astrid always has to OTT clean up the station etc and blah before they start, like don't out her like that sir and don't be a dick so we're not happy about his vibe rn] Lola: ['you should be happy she's doing the hard work for you' even though we were the one complaining about the smell, we're not about it] Astrid: ['he's not a happy person' hahaha suck it sir] Lola: ['that's so sad, what happened?' oh gal] Astrid: [just telling her this dude's life story like he's not right there because we don't understand sarcasm bye] Lola: [when you weren't even being sarcastic but you were not expecting her to reply and you know he's not gonna be thrilled so you put your finger to your lips like shh but smiling at her so she knows you aren't being a dick like stfu] Astrid: [being like oh do you want some quiet, like offering to get them to turn down the music they always blast in tattoo places] Lola: ['can we change the station?' like this rock shit is not a #vibe honey and getting out your phone and aux cord from your bag] Astrid: [just like 'it's not a vibe [name of your tattoo gal] can we change it to a vibe?' because we're saying vibe now and obvs this woman will cos she's a good egg] Lola: [putting on your femme gay girl bubblegum pop playlist like every other person in here/grumpy tattoo man is going to be taking the piss but we aren't aware 'cos we're that bitch and just dancing around like it's the clerb] Astrid: [Astrid and Winnie are vibing, picking this dog up like do you wanna dance lil queen as if we're not in the middle of a tattoo sesh] Lola: [hyping them up in a very yasss queen manner and then getting interrupted by this dude being like are you done pissing about and just twerking at him like mwah 😘 as you climb your ass up onto this bench, then being like 'WINNIE, I NEED YOU' very dramatically with grabby hands and all, this man like oh my god] Astrid: [we're loling at her antics and then putting Winnie on her lap because this angel will look after you gal so we can finally get some more of our own tattoo done] Lola: [good incentive not to drop this dog or shriek in her ears gal, 'cos gonna be so OTT about this pain obvs, all of this painting a picture as why your butch tatted gf did not wanna be here, just 🥺🥺🥺 at Astrid 'does it hurt you?' 'cos gf popping off like it doesn't which is a lie like when people say childbirth doesn't like admit it even if you can hack it] Astrid: ['not as much as other things' because we matter of fact about it instead of being like her girlfriend and pretending nothing is happening here] Lola: [we aren't really listening anyway just talking to talk here 'beauty is pain'] Astrid: [just repeating that like hmmm idk ' you're saying you feel more beautiful now, they'll want to put that on the signs outside'] Lola: ['They've got better promo' and giving Astrid's tattooist a look, 'cos the insecurity jumped out when pain] Astrid: [just going off about how much you like it here and you've told everyone about it like lol peeps have said they should pay me] Lola: ['yours are so cool' and asking her why she got that one and when etc etc] Astrid: [telling her everything even if like some of this shit is personal like tell me those roses aren't because of Ro you can't] Lola: [when you're an oversharer so you are 1. not phased by this 2. can say how this is for your abuela who's dying] Astrid: [genuinely is upset about this and asking loads of questions about her like obvs how old is she but also about her as a person and what she likes and how she was living before this] Lola: [we was already crying from the pain so you know, just carry on lmao, telling her that you live with her, that she's your only family and she's a bomb cook and she loves you even though you're gay and you go to bingo together on Thursdays] Astrid: [when you're just like are you gonna live with your girlfriend and cook together and go to bingo with her] Lola: ['I don't know' big sigh 'Do you live with your dad?'] Astrid: [hardcore like BUT WHAT WILL YOU DO because we're so upset about this like we can't answer your question until we get one that's okay here] Lola: [reaching over like hey it's okay 'I'll work it out'] Astrid: [just like oh yeah I do live with my dad btw after ages has passed and she's probably forgot she even asked but we needed a sec there] Lola: ['what's he like?'] Astrid: ['he's weird but not like I'm weird, just not how everyone says a dad should be-' trying to find a way to word wtf Drew is like lol 'he doesn't like rules or keeping things clean oh and he's a really shit driver who plays music too loud and he dresses too young'] Lola: ['sounds like every dude I've ever met' lols, wiping her tears 'has he always been like that or is it a midlife crisis moment?'] Astrid: [lols too because oh Drew you hot mess 'he fell out of his pram and wasn't claimed for 7 days'] Lola: [nods solemnly 'mine too'] Astrid: ['but he makes sure my food doesn't touch and never makes me eat anything I know will be fucking gross and he took me to go get Winnie' like but I do love him] Lola: [gives Winnie love and smiles 'not all bad then' pauses 'mine used to take me to ballet, and never get bored of me showing him my routines'] Astrid: [just going off about this Barbie ballet movie called Barbie and the pink shoes like have you seen it because I figure why not have dolls as a special interest, thanks Ro, though she'd fuck with Bratz and Monster High more] Lola: [talking about the red shoes 'cos assumedly what it is based on and saying you'll look up the Barbie version online 'when Ren is at work'] Astrid: [just chatting about it to the point that she doesn't even need to see it cos you've told her everything but letting her know that Barbie isn't your fave and making sure she knows what you fuck with more like this is vital info okay] Lola: ['Like Yasmin is technically the Hispanic queen like me but I do be looking more Jade and she fucks with cats so ME' 'cos definitely a girl who was into dolls and the bratz are making a resurgence in the culture anyway huns] Astrid: [we're living a life where we only accept the OG's so of course she gotta be that blonde hun who is described as wide-eyed and bubbly and loves her friends more than anything in the world so pop off but we not fucking with soccer and we gotta let Lola know] Lola: ['I see it' like just being like you're an angel there nbd] Astrid: [being like I do support cheese pizza ONLY but thai curry wtf] Lola: [loling like 'food isn't food unless it has at least two carbs and all the cheese you can throw at it'] Astrid: [just listing off everything Jade likes in the known world like do you like these things or no] Lola: [replying like this is a vogue 73 questions I bet tattoo dude is delighted lol] Astrid: [we're having fun here sir excuse you] Lola: ['do you have a Jade in your group already?'] Astrid: [The calming force that she is, Winnie is the group's Yasmin, she can handle a sob story, as you've seen so that's wrong' looks at her like soz gal I know you're offended 'my other best friend is most like Sasha, I don't know if I'm allowed to say that when she isn't black though'] Lola: [looks around at how white everyone here deffo is like I won't tell on you, claps her hands like yay 'we can be friends then'] Astrid: [when you're clearly buzzing about this, giving her your phone like this is my number take it thank you] Lola: [saves it as angel, oh that won't cause any drama with your gf no no lol, taking the tattoo dudes biro or whatever and being like hold out your hand? but thankfully NOT just doing it 'cos she may not vibe gal] Astrid: [at first is like ?? because hasn't connected the dots of what she wants her to do and why but then is like oh okay and does] Lola: [being like to the tattoo lady 'now make it permanent' loling like hohoho] Astrid: [loling 'when I know you better' like we considering this] Lola: [so flattered like omg me and blowing kisses] Astrid: [gotta get some more water cos we recognising that we're getting a bit too buzzing rn so obvs asking her if she wants some] Lola: [just like lifesaver 'cos we been crying so hard over here lol] Astrid: [gotta get some for Winnie too even if she don't want because that's a routine hun] Lola: [live your best life babe you deserve it] Astrid: [let's say her tattoo is then finally done and she abruptly leaves like it was nice to meet you I gotta go now bye because it kills me how they all did that on that show every time] Lola: [the only time you've been shooketh 'cos you'd be a hang around saying bye for ages bitch] Lola: WHERE DID YOU GO?! Astrid: hOmE Astrid: is YOuR tattOO fiNishED? Lola: [sends a progress picture she's made that man take lol] Astrid: 25-30 miNS leFT Lola: yeah? Lola: 🙌 I am about to PEE my pants Astrid: iT'LL bE lONgEr wiTH BreAks but YOu Wont bE alloWED bacK iF yOu dONt TakE oNE foR THaT Lola: 😄 I did a little but we've had no leaks Lola: got my big girl panties on Astrid: 👙 is A GooD iDeA tOooooOOOOO Lola: so NOT letting him do my underboob though Astrid: nO ⛔ no ⛔ Lola: the chick you were with seemed kinda cool though Lola: not gonna write off the whole shop Astrid: 🌟 ✨ sHE MAkEs me fEEL coMFoRTaBLe 🌟 ✨ Astrid: thE reVIeW Astrid: & thE VIBE Lola: love that Lola: don't know how he can do such colourful work and be so sad ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Astrid: van GOGH? Astrid: 🌻🌻🌻🌻👂💛💛 Lola: 🤯🤯🤯 Astrid: Do thEy ShARE a SOUL doEs thAT maKE senSE? Astrid: hMMMM Lola: reincarnation baby Astrid: dO you BEliEVE in it? Astrid: a BIG quESTion Lola: I think it's technically a ❌❌❌ Lola: but I think it's cool Lola: like past lives, all the AMAZING people in history you could've been Astrid: I DonT unDERstAnd wHY is iT ❌❌❌ if YoU liKE iT? Lola: Jesus and Abuela 💘 Lola: 💀 is very important to us Astrid: oHhhhhhhH Astrid: hEAvEn ☁👼☁ Astrid: mY muM taUGHt mE about THat Lola: 🧹🌻🦋🌞🍞 Lola: we believe souls come back, but not as other people, always themselves, even if they take a different form Lola: and they come back all the time, though Jesus hasn't come back YET Astrid: 👻👻👻👻 Lola: I can do an offering for your mum if you like Astrid: shE woULdNT coMe bACK for 🍞 Astrid: wHaT ElSe can THey be? Lola: you can put all the person's favourite things on their altar, you can skip the bread Astrid: 🕯🌹🕯🩺🕯🥀🕯🦴 Lola: wouldn't look out of place Astrid: sHe LiKEd DollS tooOOOO but thERe's No emoJi?? Lola: that's so RUDE Lola: did she get you into dolls, what was the first one you got? Astrid: 🧚🏻 thoUGH & 🔮 & 🧙🏼 Astrid: [sends her a picture of some creepy doll because of course she still has it and cue a huge ramble about everything possible about this doll like soz gal you didn't ask for that level of detail] Lola: looks like la catrina's 👶 Lola: I like it Lola: what doll would your mum be? Astrid: [when you disappear forever lowkey to do all the research you can about that just falling down a rabbit hole without saying bye] Astrid: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 💀❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Astrid: eVErYoNE is EqUAL in tHE eND Astrid: loVE that Lola: right?! Lola: we STAN an inclusive queen Astrid: caNT waIT tO TeLl mY otHER bFf she is GOiNg to bE so ExCitEd Lola: do you bake? I will send you a recipe for some sugar 💀 cookies Lola: i always loved decorating them Lola: and eating them, duh 😋 Astrid: I dOnT know hOw TO dO that Astrid: ❌❌❌ Lola: I can make them, if you wanna meet up again Lola: or come teach you, that would be fun Astrid: here? Lola: if you want Lola: you could come to mine but you'd have to meet abuela and that might be a LOT ??? Astrid: iTs nOT a ⛔ no if weRe frIeNds Astrid: i THinK yoU couLD bE heRE Lola: I'm a good guy, I promise Lola: I'll be super polite and say please and thank you and take my shoes off Astrid: buT 🍭 🍬 🧁 🍫 🍩 🍪 🍨 wILl maKE mY mum 😢 oR 😡 iF sHE is a 👻 Astrid: 🤫 Lola: it's all about celebrating life anyways Lola: what's better than tasty food Lola: my mother was the same though Lola: but abuela loved food because it made people 😄🥰 she didn't care if it made you fat too Lola: plenty of time to be 💀🦴s Astrid: hMMMmmm Astrid: 👌 Astrid: I wAnt to BE 😄🥰 Lola: maybe your friend would like some too Lola: not Miss Winnie though, too much sugar for 🐶 Astrid: IlL exPLain Astrid: sheS vERY 🤓 Astrid: thATs sMArt noT an INsult Lola: I could tell Lola: I very much enjoyed meeting her Astrid: & mE? Lola: OF COURSE you, gurl Lola: you were so nice and helpful Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Astrid: thANKs Lola: you're welcome ❣️ Lola: are you from here, I like your name, it's unusual Astrid: I dOnT liKE to bE reFErRed tO bY it Astrid: it maKEs mE FeeL liKe PeOPLe ARe 😤 😠 😡 Lola: oh no, I'm sorry Lola: is there anything you would like me to call you instead? Astrid: ...... Astrid: I doNt KnOw Lola: no probs Lola: don't need to call you anything we'll manage just fine without 🙃 Astrid: iS thAt aN oKaY anSWer? Lola: of course it is! Lola: it wouldn't be okay for me to call you a name you didn't like, that's just rude Lola: my gf HATES the name she got as a 👶 so she changed it Astrid: liKe @ scHoOL Astrid: I goT caLLed loAds of namES thERE Astrid: 👿 👹 👺 🤡 💩 👻 💀 ☠️ 👽 👾 🤖 🎃 Lola: 😢👎 Lola: school SUCKED Lola: you're cool Astrid: thEy jUsT doNt unDERsTand mY 🧠 Astrid: mE eiTHeR mE eiTHeR Lola: who does Lola: still don't have to be a 🍆 Astrid: eVErYoNE is EqUAL in tHE eND Astrid: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 💀❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Lola: that's what I'm talking about Astrid: yOu aRe GoiNg To LikE mY aUntY 🧠 ❤ 👀 Astrid: bUt U CaNt bRInG hEr HeRE foR 💀🍪 Lola: why not? Astrid: mY DaD & hER ❌❌❌ Lola: family drama Lola: say no more Lola: abuela only talks about my mother when she wants to cuss her out, and that's her daughter so 🤷 Astrid: hEs BaD buT nOT to ME? I doNt unDERstAnd hoW thAT iS suPposED to maKE seNse Lola: you're special to him Astrid: BuT whY aREnt my SiSTeRs sPEcial toOOOo? Astrid: beCausE theIR muMs aRE dIFFeRenT or Astrid: my BrOThEr haS anOTher DiffErent mUm agaIN Astrid: itS conFUsinG Lola: people are a lot of different things all at once, I think Lola: they don't all fit together right, it is confusing Astrid: wHEn yoU DiE aRE yOU NoOOO thiNGs Or moRE thinGS? Lola: Hmm Lola: I think more Lola: everything, and then the missing pieces make it all make sense Astrid: maybe they ARe tOOOoo sPEciAl then, THaT sisTER & ThOse mums dAD canT DeaL Astrid: hmmM Lola: could be Lola: being dead is meant to be easier than being alive, but it isn't perfect Astrid: & mY OthEr SisTER diDnt diE whEn sHe NeaRLY diD sO mAYBe heS coNFuSed AbOUT THat Lola: could you ask him? Lola: or would he be 😢 or 😡? Astrid: heS not my TaLking To pErsoN heS mY DoinG peRsOn Lola: that's important too Lola: sometimes it's actually better not having the answers Astrid: I sHOULDvE saID that @ scHOol Astrid: BettER not HAVinG thE anSWERS sORRy Lola: 😅 Lola: if ONLY Lola: I wouldn't say ANYTHING at school Astrid: I diDnT taLk unTiL aFter my mUm dIeD Astrid: moSTlY Lola: at all? Astrid: ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Lola: did you talk to your dad? Astrid: somE WoRdS Lola: the rest you just got what you needed in other ways Lola: that's cool Astrid: i THiNk it waS BaD oF mE Astrid: maYbe Astrid: .... Lola: but was it bad for you Lola: that's the important thing Lola: its frustrating when people don't understand you, but people get frustrated when they don't understand, even though they might not still when you tell them with words Astrid: iS thAT wHy yOU didNT talK @ sChooL? Lola: i took up too much space just being there Lola: without taking up the 💬 too Astrid: tOo muCh Space Astrid: hmmM Lola: that's what they thought Lola: basically Astrid: pEoPLe DoNt unDErstaND yOu Astrid: how mUch spaCE yoU neEd Lola: they don't like it ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Lola: i'm not trying to take other people's space though Astrid: tOO muCH iS ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Astrid: toOOOo mUch AnyTHiNG Lola: it is? Astrid: ItS 😢 or 😡 Astrid: itS beInG weIRd Lola: there's no such thing as too much 🐶😸 though Astrid: NeVEr!! Lola: exactly Lola: don't think there's any rules that you can stick to everything Lola: always exceptions Astrid: I wriTE liKe thIs beCauSe thOse rULes are Boring Astrid: loAdS of RulEs doNt maKe sEnSe Lola: I like how you write Lola: it's more interesting to read Astrid: yOu cAn Do iT toO if You waNT Lola: really? Lola: thanks, I'll try it out 😄 Lola: ITs actUallLY REAlLY hARd tO Be TOtallY raNDoM Lola: oTHER New RuLES poP UP in YOuR hEaD Astrid: ItS a VIBE Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Lola: tOTAlLy Lola: LikE THOse nEwSPApEr RAnsOM notEs Lola: aEStheTIc Astrid: ??? Lola: you know in films, when a killer or a kidnapper sends the person a note, they cut up bits of newspapers and magazines so the note is all different fonts and sizes and stuff Lola: [examples Lola: I liKE ThAT LOooooooOOoOKk Astrid: OhHH WoW Astrid: cAn I sEnD YoU onE? Lola: THaTs whaT IT RemINDS mE OF Lola: UM yeS Astrid: TheY dO it So NoBoDy knowS itS from THem YeaH? Astrid: hoW wiLL you Know ItS from mE? Lola: YEah Lola: do the outside of it normal, so the postman isn't 😱 Lola: I nEVEr GeT 💌 Astrid: do the outside of it normal, so the postman isn't scared Astrid: do the outside of it normal, like this Lola: [her address] there you go Lola: a stamp and it'll be perfect Astrid: ThiS is ReAllY whERe U Live? Astrid: I knoW whEre tHiS is Lola: you do? Astrid: yEAH Astrid: itS By a SHop I lIkE Lola: maybe you could show me 🙃 Astrid: I JuST geT 🍓 thEn I LeAVe Astrid: thEY haVe to Be from ThEre Astrid: a RuLe Lola: nOW i waNt TO tRy SomE Astrid: diD yoUr GirLfrIEnD liKE youR TaTTOo? Astrid: I caNt STop THinkiNG aBoUT iT Lola: She lIKEs 🖤 🤍 bUT I seNT hEr ThE piC & She SAid wAs cUUUUUuUuUUuUuTeeeeeeE Astrid: iS shE gONna coMe wiTh yOU neXT timE? Lola: mAYb ❓🤔 Astrid: tHats noT 🖤 🤍 Astrid: sHe shOUld saY yeAH oR NO Lola: TrUuUuuUuUUUUUUUu Lola: I'll tell her Astrid: Do YoU lIkE haVinG a girlFRieND? Lola: 🤗 & 😘 R gOoOOoddD Astrid: ❓🤔 Lola: you like hugs and kisses? Astrid: PlaTOnic is DiFFeRent Astrid: i LikE theM thOUgh Lola: yeah Lola: with a girlfriend, you just get them all the time Astrid: ? ShE dOeSnt asK you ? Lola: she doesn't need to Lola: if I said stop she would Lola: it's just nice having a person around, is what I meant 🙃 Astrid: 👌 thAT maKEs SeNse Lola: do you like 🧑 or 👩 or none or both Astrid: 👩 👩🏻 👩🏽 👩🏾 👩🏿 Lola: hi-5 Lola: me too 😄 Astrid: but i DoNt have a GIRLfrieNd Lola: would you like one? Lola: we could go out 💃💃 Astrid: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Astrid: yeAh Astrid: yOuRe a GooD 💃 Lola: YOU TOO ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Lola: I KNOW A BAR THAT WOULD LET WINNIE IN Astrid: yOU dO????????? Lola: i KNow tHe OWneR Lola: heS SO coOL Lola: and he has his own dog Finola who sings with him Astrid: I diDNT knOw dOGs coULd sING Astrid: WiNNie coULd hAVE a SeCRET talENt Lola: they do somewhere over the 🌈 it's very good Astrid: wheN cAN we Go? Lola: 😄 When are you free? this weekend? Astrid: FriDAY Lola: 👏 let's DO IT Astrid: 🕐 🕑 🕒 🕓 🕔 🕕 🕖 🕗 🕘 🕙 🕚 🕛 🕜 🕝 🕞 🕟 🕠 🕡 🕢 🕣 🕤 🕥 🕦 🕧 Astrid: ? Lola: 🤔 8? Astrid: To bE @ yOUr hOUse oR ThEre? Lola: we could get 🍓s first and eat them in the park Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 Lola: 🙌 IT'LL BE FUN Astrid: WeRe bOTh eXciTed Astrid: 😆 Lola: 💃💃💃 Lola: have to plan my outfit Astrid: I liKeD uR ouTfit yOu werE weaRing Lola: you're so 🍧 🍨 🍦 🥧 🧁 🍰 🎂 🍮 🍭 🍬 🍫 🍿 🍩 🍪 thank you 😚 Lola: you looked amazing Astrid: I nEEd to dyE mY haiR a new ColOur Lola: have you done every colour??? Astrid: ⛔❌ 🖤 🤎 Lola: boring in comparison to the rest of the 🌈 Astrid: & hARd to GEt Out ❤️ & 💜 sTAY TooOO bUT thEY caN bE maDE inTo a PaTTeRN sO its Not 😢 oR 😠 Lola: 🦜 Astrid: BiRdS aRE weiRD Astrid: mY AunTy haS 🐓 & I ONLy liKE thEm WhEn TheYrE 🐤 🐣 🐥 Lola: DOES SHE HAVE ANY BABIES RIGHT NOW Astrid: yEaH Astrid: thEyre sOFt Lola: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that's so cuteee Astrid: doNt be sad shE wonT eaT thEM Lola: but i don't have any🐤 🐣 🐥 Astrid: IlL aSk heR iF you CAn Lola: our apartment is tiny Lola: wouldn't be fair for the poor chickie Astrid: YoU cOuLd VisIt THem Lola: I'll have to buy some 🌽 too Astrid: TheYll be YouR FRIEnds ToooOOOOo Astrid: loVe ThAT Lola: new friends are always welcome Lola: especially fluffy ones Astrid: WiNNie aGReeS Astrid: & saYs dOnT foRGet sheS the FLUFFiest Astrid: she gETs JeaLOUs Lola: 🤭 Lola: of course Lola: she's a babe Astrid: evERYoNe saYs I was wHEn mY brOTHer waS a 👶 bUT i Dont remeMBEr thaT Lola: aw, you helped out? Lola: that's so cute Astrid: 👶 NeED lOAds of HeLp Astrid: haVE yOu EVer heLd onE? TheY caNt suPPOrt their Own HeaDs Astrid: itS wilD Lola: I've actually never held a baby Lola: or really met one, which is weird, I'd never thought about that Astrid: !!!!!!!! Astrid: My FamILY iS SoooOOOOO BiG Astrid: 👶👶🏻👶🏼👶🏽👶🏾 Lola: do you like it? what's good and what's bad? Astrid: YoU aRenT evER aLOne Astrid: thatS gOod OR Bad Astrid: Good & BAD Lola: I can picture that Astrid: bUT itS FUn & LOud Astrid: you LiKe hugS so Youd likE it Lola: yeah Lola: I think so Lola: abuela was from a big family Lola: but it's just us here Astrid: WhERe aRE TheY aLL? Lola: her family? Lola: mostly dead Lola: the ones she would've known, sisters, brothers Lola: their kids are probably still in Mexico but she doesn't know any of them properly Astrid: Im SoRrY Lola: you don't have to be sorry Astrid: ItS saD fOR hER Astrid: I mEAn Lola: yeah Lola: she left a lot behind Lola: but she's been happy here Astrid: & YoURE haPPy? Lola: mostly and most days Lola: not 🖤 & 🤍 Astrid: nOT 🖤 & 🤍 Lola: nothing is ever perfect, is it Astrid: mAyBe WinniE is Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Lola: I am willing to believe that and let her have it too 💝🐶 Astrid: [a happy picture of this dog like thank you I'm buzzing] Lola: an angel Lola: or princess, I should say Astrid: [a picture of this dog with some kind of tiara moment on because of course we can] Lola: 🙇 Lola: I'll find mine when I get home Astrid: YoU hAve One? Lola: duh gurl Lola: it's a vibe Lola: 👑🌈💃😘 Astrid: iT is A Vibe Lola: you know a vibe when you 👀 one Lola: i CaN TeLL Astrid: I haVE tO gO Astrid: doNT fORget FriDAY Astrid: @ 8 Astrid: 🍓!! Lola: Oh, okay Lola: Looking forward to it ✨

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johanna-swann · 3 years ago

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Sorry if I'm going on a venting spree here, but I'm annoyed with a friend of mine (not exactly an AITA situation, she's not being mean on purpose or anything, but advice is still appreciated).

I'll start with an example. You send your friend a fanfiction idea that you came up with in the middle of the night and explain in detail why the idea would work and how it fits into the canon material of the show and how it is centered around that one character you both love - like, you put thought and effort into this idea and were really excited to share it with your friend and fellow fan because you know she loves that character as much as you do - but all you get back as a reaction the next day is a "your sleep schedule is fucked up". No "oh that's an interesting idea", no "I love that ship", no nothing. No interaction with anything that was said whatsoever.

I really love my friend, she's good people, but I often feel like I might get more of a reaction talking to a brick wall (at least the wall won't disappoint me by ignoring every single aspect of what I said). And I have mentioned that to her btw. In a neutral, nice way. Like, "girl I love talking to you, but it's more fun if I'm not speaking into a void". She said she'd work on incorporating what I said more into her replies, it's just something that doesn't come as easy to her. So I'm understanding and even try to engage her better by adding phrases like "now this in particular I find very interesting" or "I'm not sure about ___, what do you think?" to my texts and voicemails as sort of pointers where she could start.

Thing is, it's not working. We often exchange long voicemails between 2 and 5 minutes, sometimes longer, several times a day. That's just how we roll. And of course sometimes it's not about getting a detailed answer to every single thing the other just said, sometimes you just need to know somebody listened. She's studying applied chemistry for example and will go on lengthy rants which I understand maybe two sentences of. Still, I try to give her the feeling that I really listened, maybe ask her to explain something in simpler words for me, etc, because I know she loves her subject and enjoys talking about it. I am very consciously letting her know that there's someone on the other end of the line who enjoys talking with her.

Or other times the topic isn't the problem, you're just having a stressful day and aren't in the right head space to listen to a 4 minute voicemail about the antiparallels of fictional characters. In that case we always tell each other that "dude, that sounds interesting, but there's no way I can come up with a coherent comment on that right now. it'll have to wait till tomorrow." Except then she often just forgets. Even if I remind her. Also if I remind her again. And even if I remind her again. She'll be like "I'm so sorry, this week is super busy, I studied all day" and I'm like "It's cool, don't stress about it." But honestly. How busy can your week be that for days on end you don't even have 5 minutes in the evening or while taking a break or sometime in between to have a quick chat with your supposedly best friend? Especially since I know she studies from home, has zero appointments and does take time out of the day to watch some tv before or after study sessions.

I know she isn't being mean on purpose, but it feels like I'm over here figuring out our communication problems, providing solutions and being the understanding one and I get nothing in return. I'll have exam season, be studying, babysit my brother, be tired as shit from only sleeping 4 hours. But when my best friend sent me a voicemail that I haven't listened to in 2 days, I take a goddamn 5 mimute break and at least send at a sentence or two back.

To me it feels like playing ball with someone who just throws the thing away instead of passing it back and I'm the one always running back and forth across the lawn retrieving the ball while she would rather do anything else. And as I said, I am already trying to provide assistance by reminding her when she forgot about a message or pointing out the important parts and being patient with her. But I feel myself growing more and more frustrated with the entire situation.

#aita #me stuff #am i the asshole #friendships #communication #long post

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dezzydoesthings · 7 years ago

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Posting as a picture because answering asks on Tumblr app is hell. (It actually crashed on me ugh)

Anyway, anon, to answer your question, the reasons I hate Three Kings are many.

First, Yusuke goes from killing a doctor that tortures humans with experiments and struggling with killing Doctor Kamiya to being like "oh you eat humans ok no biggie" to Hokushin? I'm sorry, what? Why? Because you found out you have demon blood? That is not a good enough reason for that kind or personality shift. My respect for Yusuke plummeted after that scene and it never really recovered. Like when he was whining while fighting Yomi I was just like bitch please whatever. I'm not sure what message Togashi was trying to convey, maybe identity crisis, but it just didn't work for me.

Kurama served no purpose whatsoever other than to be guilted and led around and threatened. His episodes are so boring I actually fell asleep while watching them and no I didn't go back and rewatch them. So I'll give fox boy a pass because I honestly don't remember his stuff. But I think his was identity crisis too so maybe that's the theme of Three Kings.

Which brings me to Hiei. Ugh. Other than the flub with the English dub, which I mentioned in the post you asked me about - and now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I know what Funimation was trying to do. They were trying to put in a clue that Yukina knows who her brother is without blatantly stating it. Not like they could have Yukina nonchalantly say it during a scene at the DT. Like "oh btw I totally know Hiei is my brother - go Yusuke!" And have no one react to it. I mean, this isn't Ghost Stories! (Props to all that know that anime)

So my big problem with Hiei in 3k is...Mukuro. I stated why I don't like that ship at all in a previous post of mine. I can't link on an app so I'll post some text from it,

"Now, I wanted to like this chick. At first she seems pretty cool. They even take shots at each other. Her making a joke at him and he even insulted her, calling her a mummy. So Hiei. Seemed like he could handle her well enough.

And then we find out his past, and when we’re done seething and sobbing, we find out hers.

You know, as she strips naked and mind rapes him.

Lemme explain why I have issue with this. Hiei is not the type of guy to have sympathy for someone out of nowhere when he BARELY KNOWS THEM. This is a total stranger. Are we supposed to believe because she’s had a bad life and is all like “oh Hiei I understand your pain because I had bad shit happen to me too and killed to make it stop too” that Hiei will automatically bond with her?

He’s from Demon World, where violence is normal. The world itself smells like death. He says so to Yusuke.

Sooo, someone else tried to cure their pain with blood…in a world where probably 80% of people are doing just that.

So what? I’m sorry but that would be an in character reaction for Hiei. Like “wow, too bad for you. What does this have to do with me?”

Also Mukuro having a bad past and Hiei having sympathy right away and falling for her is EVERY OOC FANFIC WITH AN OC WE HAVE EVER READ.

And no I don’t expect Hiei to get goo goo eyed every time Mukuro speaks like Kuwabara does with Yukina, but flirting? Like Yusuke and Keiko? Something?

So, I maybe would have been more willing to accept this if we had seen the relationship grow at all. Been given reasons more than “oh they both have bad pasts.”

I’d be more willing, even though I don’t ship it, to believe Hiei and Kurama, because we SEE the bond. We FEEL it.

I feel more emotion in Hieibara fics than Himuku! Why? Because Hiei and Kuwabara actually have chemistry on screen!

We get one episode for their “romance.” One. And in the Japanese version, the romantic “feel” Funimation tried to give it is not there at all.

Yes, there is a connection. No doubt. It just feels forced and fake on the romance part."

So basically I would have liked her maybe if we see them have a connection like with Yusuke and Keiko. Even though Kuwabara and Yukina don't have too many scenes together, you can see they have a connection! Something more than "lemme strip naked while you're incapacitated and can't do anything."

So, by the time I got to the final episode, i was like thank goodness it's over. Do I love Yu Yu Hakusho? YES. The last season just rubs me the wrong way.

And hey, the same thing happened to me with another show, Once Upon a Time. They went down hill pretty much after season 3 but I stayed because I loved them so much. This last season has been complete trash and I'm only sticking around to see how they fix my favorite otp. That's it. And I'm relieved it's ending.

So I can still love a show but hate one season or moments in it. I am glad YYH had a happy ending, probably the best in any anime I've seen.

Anyway, rant over. Thanks for the ask!

#yu yu hakusho #yyh #ask #yusuke #kurama #kuwabara #hiei #three kings #season 4 #long post #anonymous #anon

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bluebudgie · 2 years ago

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Ooh that's some good ones, I'll try to address them all :D

About EU languages: You'll still see english used as the most common language since obviously that's the one most people speak (even if as a second language), but i would personally say a good third (if not more) of chat language is other languages. I'd say french, german and spanish (in that order) are the most common ones. You'll see many, many guild recruitment messages in a large variety of different languages all the time. Usually when new players are there who don't know what to do they'll ask in whatever language and people will answer in that language. Most meta stuff is done in english though.

I've been to a french Dragon's End squad that was speaking 80% french but the moment someone asked in english, people would explain stuff in both languages. A more negative counter example from another DE meta squad: People got kicked for not following squad explanations, then asked mapchat in not-english why they were kicked since they couldn't understand the english chat. People then generally try to explain them, if someone speaking that language is around.

What I've also seen is people asking in another language than english, and others (who understood the question but don't necessarily speak that language) give their answer in english, or just as chat links if that's enough to answer the question.

Edit: Another addition that you might not think about immediately: Chat english can be very broken, considering the largest amount of players are not native english speakers. It can make for funny chat moments.

Also: *French person speaks* Someone who thinks they're really funny: baguette Every. Single. Time. Not funny btw really

SO MUCH ABOUT LANGUAGES could probably talk about that all day but let's move on. I'll try to keep it short from here:

-the tequatl ranged/melee squad thing (plus two additional comms for both turret spots) isn't really a thing anymore on EU either. I don't know why it ever was but it's nostalgic for me

-for a very long time we didn't put ip digits in lfg on EU, but it's definitely been a thing for i'd say at least 2 years? seeing it mostly on HoT and EoD maps

-mhh hard to say about the jumping, what i do see a buch is: one person in a group starts jumping and slowly most of the group starts jumpig with them. especially at the start of races. i do think it's used as a sort of greeting sometimes! not sure i've seen specific dye showcases. that being said, the round borb springer mount definitely is some sort of social magnet. one borb appears, suddenly everyone is on borb

-been a hot minute since ive interacted with triple trouble, i do know we have guilds organizing it regularly but i'm unsure if that's their only purpose! someone else probably knows better than me

-we have meta trains, or also infusion trains! they'll usually go matriarch > pinata > gerent > tarir (and i've seen some continue to dragon's end) but i know the general meta train continues death branded shatterer. not sure where else it goes, i always only see them "pass by" in TD in the morning before seeing them off to auric basin :D They don't generally announce anything they do though, no. They'll just pop on your map and suddenly the map is full bc it's always a 50 people squad haha.

-don't think i'm qualified to answer the cryptids question. I do see a lot of the same people doing the same content at the same time of the day almost daily, but i think that's not really what you mean. There are some.. infamous WvW comms, that I know. And when multiloot was still a thing in AB there was this one specific multiloot comm that must have been among the most blocked people in this game. That guy was definitely known. That aside, I aspire to become the TD cryptid myself.

-i do think the skeleton is steve! i've not really done labyrinth in years so i'm unsure if i've just picked that name up from the internet or if we do that on eu too. i'd say yes.

-ive never heard of such a meme for dragon's stand! I haven't run the meta a whole lot the past months though, but even so i've never seen it. the bigger "meme" is mordremoth's cc bar but it's not really tied to a specific sentence. PICNIC on the other hand has very much been a tarir meme since HoT launch in 2015. It absolutely doesn't deserve it anymore since there is literally nothing to panic about anymore during this meta these days, but it is what it is. Another sort of meme i can think of is calling "raid rotations" during treasure mushroom (aka tm, aka tmush, aka shroom).

Question for anyone reading: is it customary on NA to call the time when treasure mushroom dies? Like here you give a general "tm dead xx:17" for example so people know when to expect the next spawn. (and usually times are given with xx as the hour to accomodate for time zones. like meta lfgs will be listed as "meta at xx:30")

i'm kinda curious about the subtle differences between NA and EU servers

like an example of what i'm talking about is, it used to be a thing on EU to have a separate ranged and melee zerg for tequatl that'd camp to the left (melee) and right (ranged) of its feet respectively, which, as far as i've been told, never was a thing on NA? (correct me if i got wrong information here.)

i want to know more random stuff like this. i need to study the server subcultures of GW2 gaming

Obviously most easily answered by people who got an account on both servers, since I wouldn't even know where to start looking for differences

#sorry LONG #budgie plays gw2

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pokefanbri · 4 years ago

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https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

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