#this isn't as accurate as i wanted it to be but choosing scenes is so hard and i finished this last night oops

[uvobreakmylegs]

favorite fic? of yours and in general

I don't feel like picking and choosing between my own fics so instead I wanna share some fics written by my fellow yandere writers (some of which I may have shared in similar asks in the past but idc I wanna share them again):

from @hypnoswrites:

Chrollo vs a blacklist Hunter (I really enjoy how fast and how easily Chrollo was able to handle that situation, from cleaning up the body to controlling reader)

Illumi uses a needle on reader (love the way poor reader's mind is addled in this one and how easily she disregards the violent scene due to Illumi's influence. love the ending as well, it's so chilling)

Uvogin x reader x Franklin (two big men - my greatest weakness❤️❤️❤️)

vampire Razor (idk how to summarize this one accurately there's so much going on and I love it all so much)

apocalypse AU with Pakunoda (Paku my beloved❤️❤️❤️)

from @ddarker-dreams:

Chrollo's birthday (love me some Greedy Chrollo)

third party recognizes reader while she's out with Chrollo (poor reader tried SO hard to keep the guy away AND keep Chrollo appeased😭)

aftermath of Chrollo's darling being kidnapped (all of the conversations that Lock's readers have with Chrollo are always great to read but this one in particular sticks out in my mind and I love it)

Feitan's darling runs away (THAT FUCKING ENDING OMG)

Scaramouche's darling distracts him (I know next to nothing about Genshin Impact but I really enjoyed this fic❤️❤️❤️)

from @cherrysha:

ABO Uvogin (this fic lives in my head rent free)

Uvo's darling has a nightmare (there's something scary about how Uvo is so violent in trying to find her and how it contrasts with how gentle he is after. the anxiety she feels from her nightmare which then turns into comfort when he has her in his arms)

reader tries to kill Hisoka (poor reader😭)

god AU with Franklin (I love love love the buildup to Franklin's true reveal in this fic. how Franklin's presence is there within the temple once reader visits, but it's only when she finally collects the proper materials that he appears for real before her. plus the addition of reader possibly being in danger if she fails at the task he's set for her. there's a lot of buildup and dread in this fic and I love it)

Meleoron x reader (this fic is just cute as hell and I need to share it)

from @after-witch:

Feitan saves reader after she's been kidnapped (I've definitely shared this one before but that isn't stopping me from sharing it again bc this fic is amazing from beginning to end❤️❤️❤️)

one night stand with Feitan (I just love the way reader and Feitan end up connecting and how reader being herself is enough to make Feitan decide that he wants to keep her)

vampire Chrollo x reader (this is another fic that has so much going on that it's hard to get all of my thoughts on it out. it's just such a fun read and I love The Lost Boys vibes)

Chrollo's patience runs out (just Bastard Chrollo at his finest)

Uvogin retrieves his darling (in these kind of fics you just KNOW that Uvo will be getting his darling after they run, but it's always a wonder as to how that happens and what Uvo's reaction will be)

from @absolute-flaming-trash:

Hisoka buys his darling a gift (using bungee gum as a LEASH omg)

Hisoka looking for his soulmate (I really liked this version of the 30 seconds soulmate au❤️❤️❤️ it was interesting plus it offered more opportunities for reader to annoy Hisoka lol)

Chrollo and kidnapped reader (poor reader😭)

Illumi punishes reader (😳😳😳)

Mahito asking about love (anything with Mahito is generally fucked up due to him being.... himself. but this one had some moments that were kinda cute. like the description of Mahito laying on the bed reading a magazine, or the way he's described looking at reader. but all it takes is for one word and the mood feels dangerous again. also it's currently raining rn so reading this fic feels appropriate)

[sports-on-sundays]

Okay so 🤭 what if Y/N use to be with ( whatever Barca player you choose ) and they broke it off because they supposedly wanted to focus on their career and the reader was really heartbroken and omg to make it more better y/n is Carlos sister and then she sees or hear how they moved on already! And little by little she starts to be with lando and they announce their relationship when he wins in Miami!! Like full on hard launch. 😭🙌🏽

Also this got me motivated to think of more ideas ima write them down for the future 🤭

papaya girl / LN4

Summary: ex!Ferran x Sainz!baker!reader x Lando - After a devastating breakup with your footballing boyfriend, you think you'll never be able to date someone again.

Warnings: there's a golf scene and I don't golf so-!🤞, mention of sickness, foul language, sorry if some things are not accurate, headache, partying/dancing/drunkenness/clubbing, mention of getting so drunk you had no memory of what happened, implied getting drunk to dampen emotions, getting injured, vomiting, slight soulmate feel, a bit of suggestive talk, use of babe/baby/bae/baby girl/etc., I feel like every kiss I describe is exactly the same sooo- sorry about that! ✌

Requested?: YES! 😘

Author's Note: Do you ever write something so good that you wish you could make it into a movie? That's how I feel about this. I can imagine the scenes. Didn't plan it but I guess 24 is the magic number for this one. I made the request more dramatic because... I like doing that... 👉 👈 🥺 ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST. PERFECT MIX OF ANGST AND FLUFF. I LITERALLY LOVE YOU! If you do have any more ideas and you're up for it, let me know!

When you met Ferran Torres, you were a Madridista with a passion for Ferrari. Being a Sainz, you've always been rooting for Real Madrid, but your favorite Formula 1 team isn't as consistent. Because before that, you were a McLaren fan. And before that, Red Bull. And everything else before that, too.

Wherever Carlos is, you're a fan of it.

You, quite literally, on the day you met Ferran, were wearing a Cristiano Ronaldo jersey and a backwards Ferrari cap.

And, well, he, a new arrival from Manchester City, liked that, apparently!

And it was beautiful. They way you slowly became closer and closer, growing to know each other more and more.

And then, maybe you just hit a point. Hit a point in your relationship where you wanted more, and Ferran realized that if any more was given by him, it would be too far for him.

And he cut it off. Said he was doing well in Barcelona. He had high hopes. You, a sold out Madrid fan, had been wearing his number on the back of a blaugrana jersey. And despite that blaugrana jersey, he ditched you.

He said his work, his career, his passions, his dreams, were more important than you.

But you can't complain, Y/n. That's fair. He was gentle in letting you know. He made it clear he didn't want any malice between you and him.

You roll over in bed, staring vacantly at your wall. There's a large Real Madrid flag hanging in the middle. A smaller Ferrari flag on one side. A few posters of bands and teams you like or events you've been to, signed by different celebrities. People who are more famous than 'Carlos Sainz Jr.'s sister' or 'Ferran Torres's ex-girlfriend.' On one side, it seems silly to have a poster signed by Max Verstappen, but you do. On the other side of the flag, you have a peeling old McLaren poster, showing the younger versions of Carlos and his former racing partner, Lando Norris, looking just seconds away from breaking into a loud, hysterical laughter.

And next to that, you have a Barcelona poster.

You smile sadly to yourself.

I must look like such a conflicted sports fan.

You stand up, walking over to the wall. After gently peeling the Barcelona poster off the wall, you slowly trace the badge with your fingers, any hint of a smile now gone as tears begin to fill your eyes, threatening to fall.

"This is stupid," you murmur scornfully, your voice cracking softly. "This isn't even my team! It's not my city...!" You toss the poster across the room, leaving it in a place where you don't intend to pick it up anytime soon.

Let it gather dust and crumple. That's what Ferran did. He threw away our relationship like it was nothing but a worthless piece of paper. And now I'm suffering the consequences.

You sigh. You're trying not to let yourself be bitter. You want to look back on everything you and Ferran had and be happy. Appreciate it. You still love Ferran. You don't want to be angry with him.

Someone said to you once, Hurt heals with time, as long as you let it.

You grab a bold, red Sharpie from your drawer and your notebook from a dresser. You scribble those words in all caps, rip out the page, grab some tape, and hang the piece of paper where the FC Barcelona poster used to be.

You sigh, but nod, before turning to get ready for your day.

You hate winter. You never hated winter before this winter, but now you hate it.

With the breakup, you've been avoiding anything La Liga like the plague, even if it doesn't involve Ferran Torres. It just reminds you too much.

And with Carlos on winter break, getting ready for the start of the season, he's not around much. Going on different trips, he's quite busy. Which you don't like. You and your brother have a strong bond.

It's not like you don't have anything to do. You just don't have anything interesting to do. You have a shop that you run, but you have enough staff hired to not have to be there all the time.

Yes, in a family of racing, you were never too into it. Your strong spot is in baking and business running, so that's why you opened up a bakery in Madrid.

And being a Sainz, of course it was a success.

Same type of thing as Charles Leclerc's 'LEC,' except you're not the racing driver Charles Leclerc, you're not doing ice cream, and you've always been doing this, for five years now.

You watch as a young, excited couple walks in, jabbering away in English. You can just tell they're tourists as they get in line to order. Once they get to the counter, the woman immediately leans over the counter in excitement, saying, "Is Carlos Sainz here?" in English.

You chuckle. Sounds American. "Which Carlos Sainz?" you tease.

They look blankly at you as if you're just about the dumbest individual to walk planet Earth. You chuckle and say, "Why don't you get to ordering? There's a line."

Towards the afternoon, as things begin to quiet down just a little bit, you look up at the doorbell jingles and freeze.

When he reaches the counter, you snap at Ferran, "Why are you in Madrid?"

"Am I not allowed to be? Either way, hello to you, too."

You sigh, licking your lips as you study the Valencian boy. "What can I get for you?"

He shrugs and orders, before seating himself down at one of the seats at the counter. "How have you been, Y/n?" he asks.

"Fine," you swallow, staring down. "And you?"

"I'm good." From there, he begins just talking, as if we're old friends or something, and not exes.

He seems so happy. So content.

To not be with you.

Suddenly, mid-way through one of his many sentences, you slip your hand over his, almost on impulse. He stops, staring to your hands, and then to you.

You breathe softly, "Why? Why did you come here to just talk to me? Aren't you moved on? Ferran, this is torture for me."

Lines crease into his face. You can see him swallow, looking at your smaller hand on his. "I'm... I'm sorry. I am moved on. I'm doing well. I just thought maybe we could be friends. I'd never want to date you again; I'm not in the place to date anyone. I'm happy single. But I just feel bad. I know you're hurt, and... I'd be happy to still be friends with you, is all?" He slips his hand out from underneath yours and takes his cup of coffee with it, taking a sip as he watches you intently.

You drag a hand over your face. Though you didn't want to admit it, seeing him come in to the bakery gave you hope. That maybe he wanted to try again. But those words that came out of his mouth? They cut deep.

"Listen, Ferran," you barely whisper. "I'm still trying to work through what happened. Everything. It's hard for me. But I appreciate it, and when I'm ready, if I'm ever ready, I'd love to be your friend. O- Okay?"

He nods slowly, staring down. "Alright... Fair enough."

"What's wrong?" your older brother, Carlos, asks. You watch outside the window as the world travels by.

You sigh. "Ferran."

"Him, again?"

"Carlos," you sigh. "Stop. It's nothing new. I'm just missing him. He wants to stay friends, but I said I needed time."

"Ah. Well, you know, I did tell you never to date-"

"-a Barcelona player. I know," you roll your eyes with a little smile.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Hurt heals with time, as-"

"-long as you let it. I know," you comment, smiling a bit wider.

"Exactly. It'll come."

You sigh. "I hope so."

As Carlos pulls into the parking lot, you say, "So. Is that why you decided to take me golfing with your friends? Just wanted to check up on me, but you never have the time to sit down over dinner these days?"

Carlos smiles as he shuts off the car. "No. I could have made time. But I wanted your company golfing."

"You know I'm not big on g-"

"Shut up," he grins. "Yes you are."

"I suck."

"Not as bad as some people I know. In fact, you're actually pretty okay."

Soon, you meet up with a bunch of Carlos's friends. They're all chatting, and you're just kind of zoning off, looking out over the grassy hills, when suddenly you look up when Carlos says, "Ay! Lando!"

You blink in complete and utter shock. "Why is Lando Norris here?"

As Lando approaches, he eyes you, saying teasingly, "Well, thank you for the warm welcome, Y/n Sainz."

"Lando was just around, so he made the drive to meet us here," Carlos quickly fills in.

Soon, you're all off. After a round, as you're walking back to the cart to go get lunch, Carlos says, nudging Lando, "I think my baby sister is better than you."

Lando laughs. "You fucking muppet; what are you talking about?"

You grin, falling in step with Lando and Carlos. "I'm a better golfer."

"That is just wrong," Lando says, glancing at you. "Downright wrong."

"It's a Sainz thing," Carlos puts in. "There's no way for you to beat us, Lando. You can't. Winning runs in the family."

Lando rolls his eyes, reiterating, "Your baby sister is not better than me."

"You have no right to call me a baby," you put in indignantly. "I'm probably older than you."

Lando looks at you, his nose all scrunched up. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-four."

"Hah! Same age."

"That still doesn't mean you get to call me a baby!"

"Her birthday is in January; different year than Lando's. Lando, you can call her a baby; you're older," Carlos says.

"Carlos!" you snap. "Don't give him permission!"

Carlos grins and shakes his head as he breaks off to chat with some of his other friends and get on the cart with them.

Lando grins, giving a discreet pat on your lower back as he murmurs, "Sorry, baby."

And for some reason, that makes you feel things. You decide to blame it on the fact that Lando's just good-looking.

Once you're all seated down with your lunch, you comment, "So what's with the whole..." your hand goes to your chin, referring to his facial hair, as you look at Lando expectantly.

Lando slams down his fork, saying lightheartedly, "Sick of people asking me that!"

You smirk. "Makes you look like you're forty."

"Whatever, baby."

"You know, I have a picture on my wall of you and Carlos when you were just babies, too."

As soon as Lando raises an eyebrow with a smirk, you know it was a mistake to word it that way. "You have a picture of me and Carlos on your wall?" he asks, mock condescendingly.

"No, no. I mean, I do, but- It's just an old McLaren poster." You immediately look down.

"What, are you a fan of mine?" Lando teases further.

"No! I'm a fan of Carlos, and you just so happened to be his teammate at that time. The point is that you two look like pipsqueaks in that photo! Lando, you looked so awkward, with all your acne-"

"What, Lando, you think she's a McLaren fan? She's sold out for Ferrari," Carlos interrupts.

"Literally! I deck myself out in red every Sunday!"

"Today's Sunday," Lando starts like the stupid idiot he is, "And I don't see you wearing red."

You groan, leaning back, covering your face in your hands. "Carlos, how are you this guy's friend? He's so annoying! Why'd you invite him for? How do you put up with him?"

Carlos just smirks, patting your shoulder, and says, "I'm used to having to put up with irritable people, after having to grow up with you."

You roll your eyes, fighting off a smile as all the guys around you at the table laugh out loud.

On the car ride back, you're mostly silent, your thoughts swimming with one thing and one thing only.

Lando Norris.

And there's a soft smile on your face as you think about your morning with him.

But Carlos can tell you're deep in thought. Usually, you'd be yapping away right now. "Anything on your mind?" he asks carefully.

You sigh. "Not much."

"You're bad at lying. You're staring out the window dreamily. What's on your mind?"

You sigh. "It's stupid. You'll make fun of me."

"I'm not stupid, though. I can already guess what it is."

You gulp. "How?"

"For the whole day, the only person you talked to was Lando."

You feel your stomach drop. "It's nothing serious, Carlos. He's just funny."

"You said something like that to me about Ferran Torres right before you officially started dating."

That makes you feel a bit sick. "Carlos, I won't let that happen again."

"Don't. And don't be getting interested in anyone until you're over your ex. And we both know you're not. And please don't be getting interested in someone like Lando."

"Why?" You eyebrows scrunch together. "I thought you two were buddies."

Carlos grins teasingly. "If you somehow got yourself with him, there would always be two annoying people in one place."

"You're intolerable!" you snap, laughing.

"You are too, hermana."

It strikes Carlos as strange when the first thing Lando says to him the weekend of Bahrain, before even a hello, is: "Is your sister here?"

"Why do you want to know?"

Lando shrugs. "She's nice."

"No... She'll be coming to Australia, though..." Carlos can't help but feel suspicion fill his chest. He's always been somewhat protective of you, being his little sister and all.

"Perfect," Lando grins, and he's off.

In Australia, like any other race, you're decked out in your red. Ferrari hat, Ferrari jacket, red jeans. Ferrari earrings. Even your black shoes have a stripe of red on the sides.

Carlos always tells you it's dumb. But it's become a part of your whole thing, since you spend a huge amount of your life following Carlos around and going to Grand Prixs.

It's fun sometimes, being Carlos Sainz Jr.'s sister!

But when you see a shock of papaya in your red world called Ferrari's hospitality, you squint, slipping your sunglasses up on your hat, and say, "Who said you could walk in like that uninvited?"

"No one," Lando grins, "but I'm only here to see you."

Your eyebrows raise as you stand up. "Wha-"

"Come with me. I'm going to barf if I have to breathe Ferrari air any longer. Just your terrible get-up is making me nauseous. I guess I'll be free from seeing that stupid outfit next year when Carlos isn't in Ferrari-"

"Oh, shut it, you!" you snap, but follow him with a grin on your face.

"So you broke up with your Barcelona man?" Lando start, cutting straight to the chase.

"Uh-" you swallow. "He broke up with me."

"Yeah? Why's that?"

You're not sure why Lando wants to know, and he certainly doesn't have any reason to know, but still you say, "We had been dating for a while, you know? I wanted something more. You know, to go deeper. Someday, I'd love to even maybe get married. But, Ferran... well, he didn't want to go the step deeper. Said he wanted to focus on his career. He broke it off. We're on fine terms, though."

"Ah..." he nods slowly. "That sounds like a tough breakup."

"Yeah... Yeah, it was."

He continues nodding, and catches your eye before saying, "So I'm assuming you want to... you know, you won't be up for any more relationships any time soon? Lot to work through?"

You suddenly feel your face begin to heat up. "Uh, well- depends on who it is, I suppose," you blurt without thinking.

"Hm?" He raises an eyebrow. A little smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. "Well, considering the fact that your face is just about as red as that Ferrari hat on your head, I'm wondering what you think of me."

You swallow, feeling even more embarrassed. "Are you suggesting...?"

"If you're up for it, the night after the Grand Prix, you can meet me at my hotel room, and we'll go from there. Text me if you decide 'yes,' for the details."

"I don't have your numb-"

He gives a cute little smile and opens his hand to reveal a folded up piece of paper. "Now you do. See you later, Miss Sainz!"

You stand, dumbfounded, as he jogs off.

"Oh my God, Carlos! Well done! So well done! Oh my God!" you scream in the midst of your strings of excited swear words, in both Spanish and English. "Did you actually just win the Australian Grand Prix?!"

He grins as he kisses your cheek, patting your back and saying, "Yes, I actually just did."

You hug your older brother tight, resting your head on his shoulder. "Love you. You did amazing. After everything you've been through. You're going to be leaving Ferrari next season and with your surgery and everything and-"

He smiles a bit. "Want to let me go now? Can't squeeze me too tight, remember?"

"So you can drive a race car and win the race, but you're too fragile for me to hug you!" you laugh, but release him from the hug.

He laughs out loud. "Yes, pretty much."

Hours later, you stand in the lit, mostly empty hallway, knocking on the white-painted door. You've change out of your Ferrari red head-to-toe fit, and are now wearing a black t-shirt with the F1 logo in red on the left side, black sweatpants, and your hair held back by a headband.

Lando probably isn't here, you think as you wait. I look so stupid. He doesn't care as much as he acts like he does. He's probably out partying or something. He got a podium. Carlos won. There's no way he's just sitting around in his hotel room-

You look up in surprise as the door clicks and swings open to reveal Lando Norris standing before you.

You beam and say a bit too loud, "Lando!"

He laughs. "Hey..." He's dressed in a white button down, dark blue jeans, and his regular assortment of jewelry. "Want to come in for a bit?"

You nod. "Were you... just out?" you ask slowly.

He chuckles again, plopping down on the sofa. "If I were just out, I wouldn't be looking this neat."

"Oh... Oh?"

"Come on. Sit down next to me," he encourages with a wave of his hand. "Something funny- I've had my eyes on you for a while now."

You look up in somewhat shock. "That's why you're so confident about this?"

"That, and that I'm just the peak of all confidence," he jokes, clearly mocking cockiness.

You roll your eyes.

"But really. I've been flirting with you for a while."

This time your eyes widen. "No way."

"Just little. I knew you were dating that Torres-"

"How?"

He smiles. "Doesn't take much to find out. Anyway, I think you just blocked it out because you were dating someone else. Shows you're a loyal girl."

"Hm..." you nod slowly. "I... I suppose...?"

Suddenly, he takes your hand in his. "So, you like me?"

"I think I have for a while. Like you said- I blocked it out because I was dating someone else." You didn't even know that until now, hearing the words coming from your mouth.

He smirks. "Even better. So..."

"Yeah?" you ask, a little glimmer in your eyes.

"I'd like to know what the hell you're wearing."

Suddenly, your face falls. "Uh- I'm sorry- I- I thought we- Um-"

Lando laughs. "Y/n! I'm teasing!"

"O- Oh!" you laugh nervously.

"I was just thinking... Maybe you'd want to go out and celebrate with me?"

"Oh-" you nod. "Right."

"So, do you want to get changed? I'll text you where we'll meet in a half hour?"

You grin, standing up. "Sounds good."

"See you then."

"Holy fuck, man," are Lando's first words when he sees you. You're wearing sunglasses, a form-fitting sequin shirt, and flattering white jeans.

"What?" you ask anxiously. "Is it too much?"

"Too much? Y/n, you're gorgeous."

You sigh in relief. "Alright good... And- one thing."

"Hm?" Lando asks, an eyebrow raised.

"I don't know if we... could we say we're... that you're my..."

"Partner? Boyfriend?"

You swallow. "Sure. I think... I think I'm good with that. At least for tonight."

He nods.

"But let's not make it clear here. I don't want the way for everyone to find out about this being, you know, by nightclub pictures on the internet."

He smirks a bit, nodding. "Fair enough, then. Let's go."

"Rise and shine! Let's hit the grind, Y/n!" an unfamiliar voice wakes you up.

You roll over to see Lando's handsome face looking down at you. You're in his hotel room, in the one bed. He's all dressed and ready to go, and towering over you, looking like a giddy dog.

You sit up, rubbing your eyes. "I've got a killer headache. What happened last night." You feel disgusting, and wrinkle your nose as you get a whiff of the alcohol scent radiating off of you.

He grins. "I learned that you have no tolerance whatsoever."

You frown. "Unlike you, Norris, I'm not getting drunk all the time! Now, tell me what really happened!"

"Nothing much. Just a lot of fun," he sits down next to you, "and it's a shame that you can't remember any of it." He chuckles a bit, saying, "You got fucking wild. You were more fun though before you got absolutely drunk out of your wits."

"You didn't do anyth-"

"No, no!" he rolls his eyes. "Besides, Carlos was there. I wouldn't dare. You at least remember Carlos, right, being there?"

You roll your eyes. "Yes, of course I do."

"But you really did completely black out? You don't remember anything?"

You swallow nervously. "No... I don't really remember anything... I mean, I guess..." You close your eyes, thinking hard. "Just dancing... music was super loud, but... that's not anything specific. I don't feel well at all now, though..." You start to feel a bit dizzy at the energy you're putting into trying to remember.

You open your eyes and look at Lando.

He smiles. "Well, it was fun, nothing more. Want me to bring you back to your hotel now?"

"Yeah, I guess..." you nod, cradling your head in your hands. "That'd be great..." You see the wine stain on your jeans. You can feel an ache in your ankle. You just need to clean yourself up.

Lando helps you limp to the car, assuring you that you just tripped. Saying your ankle is fine; it'll feel better in a few days' time.

You're not so sure.

As Lando drives, he knows he should tell you the details, like Carlos said.

But it still feels like you'd be better off not knowing at all.

Nine hours before

Though every single one of Lando's molecules in his body told him not to, he had to keep pushing you off. He sat talking away with some other dudes, and you sat his side, drunkenly trying to wrap your arms around him.

You blubbered softly about all kinds of stuff, a strange mixture of being utterly devastated and overly romantic.

Lando knew. You didn't get drunk this often.

A part of him felt bad. A huge part of him. He didn't think he had pressured you into anything. Certainly not intentionally. And you were the one who kept drinking more. But maybe he did...

Maybe it was his fault you were the mess you were now.

"Lando..." you murmured, your hand gripping his bicep. You leaned closer. "You're so sexy in that shirt." You reached over to unbutton another button of his shirt.

He gently pushed you away for the millionth time. "Remember, Y/n? You don't want anyone to know you're into me this much," he whispered lowly to you, running a hand through his hair. "Remember that, baby."

You pouted. "Ferran broke up with me and made me sad. Can't you make me happy now."

"Not now. I won't be doing anything when you're this drunk."

"I'm not that drunk..."

Lando snorted. "Whatever you say, lovely."

All was going as fine as it could be going. But then Carlos showed up. "Hey, Y/n-" he had started.

But you had interrupted him by slapping your hand on Lando's shoulder, leaning into it, and giggling giddily, "Look at this pretty boy."

Immediately, Carlos's eyes flashed with shock. And then vague panic. And then anger.

"Lando, how drunk did you get her?!" he snapped, raising his voice even more than he already was. The flashing lights on the Spanish man's face helped Lando's anxiety no more.

"I didn't get her drunk at all! I tried to stop h-"

"Yeah, fucking right. Come with me Lando-"

"No!" you had snapped, standing up to grab Lando's sleeve before your older brother could drag him away.

You were clearly biting back tears. "Lan didn't do anything..." You stumbled drunkenly into the British man, who steadied you gently, before helping you sit down again.

Carlos's face remained hard and steadied on Lando, but he spoke no words, as if he was battling in his head what to do.

Lando sighed. "Listen, Carlos. She won't remember any of this tomorrow morning. Let's just not bring this up again, yeah? It was a mistake. Stuff happens. She got wild and had one too many. We've all had those nights."

But Lando genuinely didn't think Carlos had had one of those nights before.

Lando certainly had, though.

"She deserves to know."

"Maybe she shouldn't, though. She's gone through a lot with her ex breaking up with her and everything. And I'm sure your career up in the air isn't helping her cause much, either. She loves you more than the world. And think about how worrying it was for her to see you go into surgery like that, and race right afterwards? The good emotions just hit her, man. But it's probably a lot. She's just going through a lot. She doesn't need the guilt of getting too drunk and acting a little stupid, yeah?" Lando ranted, intently studying the older Spaniard's eyes.

Carlos's eyes slowly softened. "Alright... I won't tell her what's happening once she's sober. Only if I can make a deal with you."

Lando bit his lip, running a hand through his messed up hair. "What is it?"

"I won't say a word to her, as long as you promise to stay away from my sister. I know you're interested in her."

Lando's eyebrows creased together. "What does that men? Why?"

"Quit trying to get with my sister, and then it's a done deal."

Lando let out a shaky breath, slowly nodding. "Alright, then. Whatever. It's a done deal."

Of course Lando didn't intend on following through with his end of the deal.

But when Lando turned around to check on you on the couch, he froze when he saw you were gone. "Where'd Y/n go?" he immediately asked the other guys and girls sitting around.

"The hot Spanish girl?" one guy asked in a painfully slow Australian accent.

"Yes, her!" Lando demanded, his buzzed brain filling with irrational panic and overwhelming confusion.

He lazily gestured and responded, "Went to go dance, I reckon."

And before Carlos or anyone else could react any faster, Lando tore into the crowd, shoving people aside and squeezing through gaps that weren't there, in search of you.

She's drunk out of her mind! What the hell was she thinking!

That's right. She wasn't thinking.

And then, he spotted you, just for a moment. Moving your hips, stumbling about, thinking you were just about the sexiest thing in the room.

"Move out of my fucking way," was Lando's polite way of shoving two guys out of the way.

He could see the sweat glistening on your face. He could see the dumb smile on your face, your high giggles. He could see fresh wine spilled on your white jeans. He could see hands on you; he took no energy to see who they connected to as rage filled his entire being.

And he watched, almost in slow motion, as your ankle rolled on your black stiletto, and you stumbled to the floor with a brain rattling, painful cry.

Immediately, Lando shoved his way to your side, slipping his hands under your body. "My God, Y/n!" he nearly screamed over the music. "You idiot! You beautiful, fucking stupid, idiot! Tell me why I fell in love with you! You're going to be the death of me!"

"Hi Lando," you murmured through tears. "My ankle..."

"Yeah, yeah, I see. Let's get you out of here, yeah?"

You swallowed, nodding as Lando tucked your hair behind your ear. He lifted you to your feet and let you lean on him as he helped you limp out of the club.

"I'm sorry, Lando..." you had muttered hoarsely.

"Hey, don't worry," Lando had responded. "Never apologize for having nothing but a good time."

But he, Lando Norris, disagreed with the words coming out of his mouth. That was his motto, his excuse, all the time. But as soon as soon as he saw you, someone he genuinely really loved, really cared about, living like that?

It made him sick to his stomach.

Speaking of that, as soon as you were outside, you stumbled away from Lando. He steadied you with one hand and held your hair back with the other as you doubled over and vomited, your previously red face impossibly pale.

"Are you done?"

"Yeah..." you gasped after about a minute.

"Alright. Okay. Let's get to my hotel room now."

Lando could barely understand your slurred words as you responded, "As long as we're getting away from here."

Now

You were going to go to the Japanese Grand Prix. But you just wanted to stay home. With a sprained ankle that confines you to crutches and an illness you've picked up, there was no way you were going to fly across the world for a Grand Prix, especially with the potential jet lag.

You lay on your couch and text Lando. You've been thinking, and you let him know that though you really do want to go places with him, you want to go slower.

You still don't know what happened on that night in Melbourne. For some reason, you can't get anything of significance out of Carlos or Lando. But you know more than what they're saying must have happened that night.

You asked Charles, because he was there. He provided a bit more information, but not much. He said he wasn't really hanging around you that night, but that he did see you cuddling with Lando.

When you asked Lando about it, he said you were drunk, it was just you not thinking, and it only happened once. That you stopped after he pushed you off.

And social media shows no one caught it on camera, or anything that night, for that matter.

So at least there's no fans going crazy over anything.

Lando texts you back, saying that he thinks it's best to go slow. Just let yourselves ease into whatever your relationship is going to be.

It's a relief to see he agrees with you on that.

But then he sends another text, asking you to try to keep it a secret. Even from your family, including Carlos.

You ask why, and he responds saying he simply agrees it's good to be private, and he doesn't want Carlos judging.

Though you're not sure about it, since Carlos is not only your favorite (only) brother, but also your best friend, you still tentatively agree to it.

Lando probably has a good reason.

Right?

By the time the Chinese Grand Prix comes around, though your foot is still in a walking boot, you're over your illness, and decide you're going to go for it and make the trip halfway across the world. After all, you've never been to China!

It's true that your walking boot doesn't look the best with your shades, shining silver jewelry, and overalls, but oh well. The most annoying part is literally everyone who even half knows your name (the Sainz part) keeps asking you what the hell happened to your ankle.

And you have literally no response but, "I fell," because you have no more of an idea than them, and there's no way you're about to say, 'Hah I just got drunk with Lando and got so fucking crazy that I twisted my ankle and sprained it! Anyway!'

Yeah, no way.

So "I fell," is the best option you have.

But the most concerning thing to you is that you haven't even seen Lando yet, all weekend. Though you haven't seen each other in a while, you've been calling, texting, and face timing often, your relationship growing a lot.

You chew your lip as you limp towards the McLaren garage. You peek in, scanning for Lando, but only see Oscar.

You limp to him.

"Whoa- What happened to your-"

"I fell," you say, thoroughly exasperated with this. "Anyway, is Lando around?"

"Lando? Uhhh..." he looks around.

Dude, hurry up. I'm not supposed to be here, your thoughts practically scream.

But then he walks in himself, and you grin, waving, "Lando!" you call.

He walks over to you, smiling. "Aw. Look at my little injured girlfr- uh, uhm, mate. My injured mate." He glances nervously at Oscar.

But the Australian just smiles, "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

Lando nods gratefully, before leading you to a more private place. "Hey," he says softly once you're alone, his hands resting on your waist. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright... Ankle's getting better, slowly but surely."

"Oh, good," he almost looks relieved. "That's so good to hear. I'm so glad you made the big trip to be here, Y/n."

You smile softly. "I was starting to miss you."

He grins. "I was missing you, too, baby... I think I could make some time for you this weekend, too. We could just get take out, hang out at my hotel room, you know. No more partying, even if I win, right?" he teases gently, gesturing to your foot.

You snort. "Yeah. Yeah, no more partying for now for me."

Later that night, you lay next to Lando in his hotel room. His arms are wrapped around you, his hand rubbing your back. "Look at me," he murmurs sleepily.

You look up to see his soft eyes looking at you, with so much, tenderness, so much...

love.

You feel a flutter in your stomach. "Lando, how did we get here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Two months ago, I would lie awake in bed, dreaming about and missing Ferran. I was so lonely. Now here I am. Two months, and I'm laying here, in your arms."

He grins a bit. "I bet it's because we're meant for each other."

"That's cliché."

"No, it's not. I really mean it. You know, I had a crush on you even back when Carlos was in McLaren, you were around a lot more, in papaya."

"No, you didn't-"

"Yes, I did!" he laughs softly. "I really did. The day I saw you in the paddock. The day Carlos pointed you out as his sister. The day you flipped your hair and looked at me with those warm brown eyes. And then looked away from me, because in my first season in McLaren, I was the farthest thing from attractive."

You giggle at this. "You're kidding."

"No, I'm not! That was the day that I knew- I knew- that someday, I was going to make you mine," he murmurs, his eye half-lidded as his hand gently caresses your cheek.

"Lando!" you squeak, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. "Don't you dare make me cry for no reason!" You wait a minute, before saying softly, "Well, maybe, just maybe, back then, though you were a pipsqueak, you were kind of cute... And I've always gotten butterflies from your jokes and teasing, even all those years ago, before I was even dating Ferran."

He laughs. "Awww... So you've always had a little bit of a crush on me, too!" You can see by his blushing cheeks and beaming eyes that just this fact is making him feel warm inside.

You roll your eyes, giggling. "I guess, maybe...."

He flicks your nose gently, playfully, holding you even closer. You lay there in more silence, before Lando says softer, even more tenderly, "Hey, Y/n... can I talk to you about something...?"

"Of course, Lando..." Your eyebrows knit together.

You watch as he swallows. Nods. Sighs. "Okay... Something has been bugging me..." He pauses. "I... I feel like I never should have brought you out that night in Australia... you know? Like, beyond the sprained ankle."

Your eyes flash. "What do you mean?"

"Well... You just got so drunk, and... I feel so bad... Like, somehow, it's my fault... I didn't mean for you to get hurt, or to drink that much... I just thought we'd have fun. Like I always do with my friends. And you're my girlfriend; supposed to be my closest friend..."

"Lando," you murmur shakily. "Did you try to get me that drunk? You didn't encourage it, did you?"

He looks nervous. "I genuinely don't think so, but I'm nervous I did... I tried to tell you enough was enough, but maybe I should have looked out for you more... Maybe I should have worked better at keeping you from getting that drunk... But we were having so much fun and I figured you would know your limit... I shouldn't have assumed."

"Lando! Don't blame yourself! It was my fault. I got too drunk, I fell and sprained my ankle. The sentiment of you wanting to look out for me is nice, but when push comes to shove, I'm in charge of myself, just like you're in charge of yourself, and it was my fault. My mistake. M'kay, Lando...?"

He nods slowly, still looking a bit unsure. "Well, Carlos isn't mad at you about it. He's mad at me..."

"Carlos is what?!"

"Ah, fuck. Forget I ever-"

"Lando Norris, explain."

"Whoa, that's sexy," he laughs.

"What?!" you exclaim in exasperation, yet you're still unable to keep your stomach fluttering by Lando's sudden spoken intrusive thought.

He grins, his eyebrows raised. "I don't know. Full name, in such a firm voice? Like, yes, mommy, order me around. I'll do whatever you want me to," he says in a low, goofy, teasing voice.

You can't stop your face from heating up. "Oh, shut it, you!" you snap, your voice cracking awkwardly as you flick him in the nose this time. And you flick his stupid nose harder than he flicked yours earlier.

He giggles evilly, rolling over. "Look at yourself! You liked that! You're a blushing mess!"

"No, I didn't. What a stupid way to flirt."

"Oh, well, I can show you even more stupid ways to flirt. Because, apparently, it doesn't quicken your heart rate at all."

You groan. "You are so annoying."

He leans over, giving you a peck on your lips. "I know. And you know you love me for it."

You forget to ask him again about Carlos.

"Baby, c'mere," Lando says, nodding for you to join him in his driver's room.

"Dude, watch what you call me when there's listening ears around."

Lando shrugs. "It's only Oscar in the other room."

"So? What makes you trust Oscar so much, anyway?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. He's a good guy. And he's not gossipy, like me."

You laugh. "You are, are you?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm a fucking gossip girl."

You laugh out loud at this as Lando shuts the door of his driver's room behind you.

Lando grins. "Anyways, Oscar is trustworthy because he's not the type of guy to have any desire not to keep a secret."

You frown, crossing your arms. "Alright. Whatever. Anyways, why'd you bring me in here?"

Lando shrugs, sitting down on the one chair in the room. "Sit down, babe."

You blink. "Where? On the fricking floor?"

"Uh, no," Lando rolls his eyes jokingly, as if this is the most obvious thing. "On my fricking lap, Y/n. Come on now. Duh."

You can't help but find yourself blush at that as you slip onto his lap. He wraps his hands around your waist, giving you a kiss on the cheek. You smile, leaning into him as you ask softly, "So why'd you bring me in here? Just for kicks?"

He grins. "I need my Y/n fix before the race. You know, it'll make me drive better."

"Oh? Is that how it works?" Suddenly, though, before Lando can respond, your phone buzzes in your pocket. You slip it out and sigh. "It's Carlos, asking me where I am. I feel like I'm under surveillance."

Lando blows a raspberry before saying, "Just ignore it, bae. You're a twenty-four year old woman; Carlos needs to get over it."

"Get over what?" you ask, an eyebrow raised.

"You not being his baby sister anymore. You're my baby now," he murmurs into your shoulder, pulling you closer to himself.

You laugh. "I still can't decide whether you're the worst flirt I've ever met or the smoothest. But right now, I'm thinking the worst."

"Oh, well!" he says, looking up at you with innocent eyes, batting his lashes. "Doesn't matter to me, because either way, you like it! Anyway, back to before Carlitos had to interrupt-"

You giggle as he begins kissing your face and say, "Carlitos? I'm not even allowed to call him that without him going psycho man on me-"

"Mmm... Can you talk less? It's cuter when you do that giggle thing," Lando murmurs between kisses.

This causes you to laugh out loud. "Sometimes, Lando, I think you're so weird." You realize, in a strange way, though, Lando is right. Because of the giddy feeling of literally having your boyfriend shower you with kisses and love, you're just kind of trying to find anything to talk about.

But maybe you should just take one moment to shut up.

You lean into the kisses, exhaling slowly. Contently, despite your pounding heart and sweating neck.

Finally, you feel as though your face is absolutely, completely covered in Lando's kisses. You sigh, contented, as Lando kisses the tip of your nose, and then pecks your lips.

You giggle, opening your eyes to gaze into his.

But his eyes flutter shut as he leans in, his hand slipping to the nape of your neck. And his lips meet yours again, this time in a real kiss. You shut your eyes, enjoying those lips on your own, sending tingles throughout your whole body, causing your breath to grow heavier and heavier. Desire pulses in every beat of your heart, causing the passion in the kiss to build and build. Your right hand falls into his chest as the other knits itself in his curly locks. You feel Lando's hand on your hip as his fingers snake under to grip your ass gently. You can feel his hot breath on you, in you, apart of you, as his other hand gently stroking your neck, giving you little twitches of longing for more. Your tongues find an art of lingering exploration, Lando's hunger seeming to never be satisfied as his tongue and lips tease your nerves, the emotional and physical connections between you seeming stronger than ever. His hand slides down your neck to your back, pulling you closer to him, so your chests are pressed into one another.

Suddenly, though, there's a pounding on the door of Lando's driver's room. Your eye cracks open. Lando's squeeze tighter shut, his eyebrows creasing together, as if he wishes so much that this never has to end.

Lando grunts, finally pulling away. Oscar's voice on the other side of the door saying Lando's name seems to be in another, insignificant world. You're both gasping as you study each other's eyes in a certain awe.

A soft, mischievous smirk appears on Lando's lips. Those lips that now you can't stop staring at. "Was your first kiss with Torres that hot?"

You let out a breathy laugh. "Definitely not."

There's a pause, of just softly smiling, gazing into each other's eyes, before Lando breathes, his eyes half-lidded, "My fucking God," He gently, slowly strokes your warm, pink cheek. "Did I ever tell you how head over heels I am for you?"

Before you can respond, Oscar's voice says again from outside, "Lando, if you don't respond, soon, I'm coming in."

Lando groans again, leaning his head back, "You can't! The door's locked!" He then adds under his breath, "Fucking Osc, interrupting as soon as I was going to take it to the next step."

At this, you blush even deeper. "You were-"

Lando waves his hand dismissively. "I would have checked with you first."

You nod, breathing deeply.

"Alright, baby," he sighs, running a hand through his hair, ruffling it up a bit. "Let's go see what the hell Oscar wants."

When the door swings open, Oscar can't help but chuckle how how much, in that moment, you two look like some snarky super villian duo, about to give him some cheesy monologue. You both stand, arms crossed, practically back to back. Lando wears a scornful grin and you display a glare as hard as stone. Even your clothes- Lando's racing clothes and your head-to-toe Ferrari red, finish off the silly look.

"What's so funny?" you demand upon seeing the Australian's laughter.

"Nothing, nothing. But I hope you guys know: These walls are not soundproof."

"What are you suggesting?" Lando snaps. "You couldn't have possibly heard anything, you idiot!"

"Whoa, whoa! I didn't! I'm just saying!" Oscar says, going on the defensive, putting both hands up. "Me and my girlfriend don't lock ourselves in my driver's room before the race, losing track of time and forcing you to go get us!"

"You and your girlfriend are probably going to buy a house with a white picket fence and have 2.5 children and a golden lab! Oscar and Lily is bad enough, but I'm surprised it's not John and Emily!"

"Whoa," Lando says, laughing as you walk out of the driver's room together and he shuts the door. "Shots fired. Calm down, Y/n; jeez."

But Oscar's laughing, too, so you know there's no need to apologize.

"Lan... You know I wasn't kidding earlier when I said I won't go out, right?" you say nervously as you walk into his hotel room, rolling your suitcase from your own hotel room.

"Yeah, I know you weren't. I wasn't kidding, either."

"So... What?" you ask, sitting down on the edge of his bed, crossing your arms. "You're planning on going alone? Then why did you bring me to your hotel room-"

"Y/n," he suddenly says, leaning down to gently grab your chin and look you directly in your eyes. "I'm not going anywhere tonight. I'm staying right here."

Your jaw actually drops. "I'm sorry, but who are you and what have you done with Lando Norris? Because that man would never miss an opportunity to party."

This makes Lando let go of you and break into a fit of laughter. "Y/n!" he breathes. "What the hell are you talking about? Before that, I would never miss an opportunity to spend time with you."

You stare. "Okay, actually. I'm being serious now. What did you do with Lando?"

You watch as your boyfriend chuckles, sitting down next to you. "Baby. I'm not going to go out clubbing while you sit in a hotel room alone. And there's no way I'm taking you out again; my guilty conscience can't take that, and neither can your sprained ankle. So why not celebrate P2 here, just you and I, hm?" he says in a low tone.

Immediately, at this suggestion, you blush. "Oh, uh, Lando... I, uh... I don't know if I'm ready for something... you know... for that... right now... Not yet... You know, it's too early for me in our relationsh-"

Lando suddenly breaks into laughter again. Oh, that sweet, silly sound. "Y/n! My God, what a dirty mind you have! I wasn't thinking that at all-!"

"You, Lando Norris, are saying I have a dirty mind?! I bet you really are his doppelganger!"

He crosses his arms. "Only reason why I wouldn't suggest that is because I know you're not ready. Which is more than one hundred percent fine with me. I wasn't even thinking about that, anyway."

"What were you thinking, then?"

He smiles with his eyes. "Well, let's both get ready for bed," he begins pulling his shirt off over his head as you absolutely bear your eyes into him, "And once we're both ready, I'll meet you back... here...?" His confused face slowly turns to one of teasing nature when he sees your eyes trained intently on his bare chest. His perfectly toned abs. His perfectly shaped pecs. His strong, straight, tan back. The little brown beauty marks sprinkled all over his torso. You would love to kiss every single one of them. "Why don't you take a picture?" he smirks stupidly. "That way, it'll last longer."

"Oh, shut up," you murmur, licking your lips as you tear your eyes away from his bare middle. "You can shower first," you murmur.

Once you're both all clean and ready, you snuggle up under the blankets, only to find your arm brushing against Lando's bare skin.

You feel your heart flutter as you murmur, "Are you not wearing a shirt just to bother me?"

"What, no," Lando says, overly innocently. "I never wear a shirt to bed. Just like I'm sure you never wear a bra...?"

If you were embarrassed before, now it's ten times worse. You specifically decided to wear a bra, to avoid... that. And now here Lando is, bringing it up like it's the weather.

"Uh..." you begin.

"Anyway!" Lando says, apparently seeing the vaguely panicked look in your eyes. "Wanna just watch a show or something?"

"Yeah," you nod. "That sounds good."

Lando turns some stupid show on his laptop, and as you snuggle and it gets later, you become more relaxed. You lean your head on Lando's shoulder as he plays with strands of your smooth, wet, dark hair. Your hands begin softly feeling his chest, just drawing circles and feeling the shapes of his abs.

Everyday, you seem to get to know Lando more and more- inside and out.

He sighs, contented, and murmurs sleepily, "That feels nice."

You smile, nuzzling into him.

"I saw Barcelona and Madrid played today," he comments as your fingers continue stroking the abs under Lando's soft skin.

"Yeah... El Clásico..."

"You don't sound as excited as I thought you would. I thought you were big on Madrid."

"Yeah, I am... Just having been keeping up with La Liga lately, I guess."

"Hm... Well, would you like it if I could find some way to watch the game...?"

You smile softly. "Hm. Yeah, maybe that wouldn't be so bad..."

Lando nods, and soon, you're cuddled up with your boyfriend, watching your favorite team play against FC Barcelona/your ex's team.

It feels weird, but you like it.

You decide your bra isn't very comfy and slip it off under your shirt before tossing it across the room.

"You're finally over being embarrassed with me?" Lando teases.

You smile softly, shutting your eyes. "At least for now. Too sleepy to care."

He smiles back. "You're cute when you're sleepy. Cuter."

Soon, though, Lando is gently shaking you, murmuring, "Look. Your ex was subbed on."

"Hmmm? What about Fer?" you murmur with a yawn. You must have dozed off for a bit.

"Fer?" Lando asks, his nose scrunching up. "Yeah, Ferran Torres."

Your eyes flutter open to see your ex-boyfriend running onto the pitch. You feel a sudden, unexpected pang in your chest. When you and Ferran were still together, you watched him do that so many time, with a sense of pride and excitement.

But now, you don't feel much at all. It's no different from anyone else going out there to play.

But, like a train, memories of the past begin to hit you.

Going for walks with him. Cheering him on at finals. Hanging out with his teammates. Working out with him. Bringing him to the Barcelona Grand Prix. Exchanging gifts on birthdays and holidays.

Just all the little things you used to do.

Like snuggling with each other on late nights after Barcelona won.

Not unlike what you and Lando are doing right now.

Suddenly Lando's arm around you tightens, and he says, "You okay?"

"I- yeah..."

Lando leans forward to see you face. You try to turn it away. Lando doesn't let you.

You stare into each other's eyes.

"You're crying," he states softly.

"I guess..." you trail off, averting your eyes.

There's a few beats of silence before Lando states again, "You still miss him."

"I guess..." you repeat. "But... I'm happy to be with you... it just all happened so quick... It's a lot for me... I'm mostly over it- over him- by now, but sometimes things just... make me start to think. Reminsce of what's not anymore."

Lando slowly nods, and begins rubbing your shoulder. "I- Alright..."

"But don't worry. I'm way more happy to be with you right now than sad to not be with Ferran any longer."

"You're sure?" the Brit asks tentatively.

You nod, leaning into him once more. "I'm sure. One hundred and one percent."

"Hey, Lando," you grin giddily before the Miami Grand Prix. "Just drive your best out there, okay? Good luck, baby." You give him a high-five. You can sense he wants to give you a hug, but painfully knows he can't because of the ever-watching cameras and eyes all around you.

But he leans in close, until you can practically feel his breath on your face, and says softly, in just about the most heart-wrenching-in-a-good-way low voice, "Oh, baby... I'm going to go out there and win that race. For you."

"Oh, stop being such a romantic. You're going to make me cry."

He leans in, about to kiss your cheek, but you gently push him off, saying, "You better get going, Lan! Race is going to start soon!"

"Right! Bye bye, bab-"

"BYE!" you scream to overpower his stupid 'baby girl.'

And before you can even blink twice, it seems-

It's lights out....

And away we go!

"LANDO! FUCKIN'! NORRIS!" you scream as soon as you see him, running to him as fast as you can. Your eyes threaten to fill over their brims with tears as you leap into Lando's arms, immediately forgetting about hiding your relationship.

Right now, that just seems too silly to care about. It doesn't matter enough.

Your boyfriend is a race winner.

The racer winner!

He leans back with the most joyful, most romantic, most adrenaline filled, most glorious look in his eyes as they search yours. His hand slowly strokes your cheeks as he purrs, "I told you I would win it for you, didn't I?"

"Lando-" you begin in excitement, but are interrupted by Lando's lips on yours, aggressively, passionately leaning into yours, flooding all his emotions into you, sharing his dream coming true with you.

For some reason, you begin to cry. Flows of tears, flooding down your cheeks as you kiss each other, and your heart pounds at a million kilometres an hour. His hands grip your waist tight, and the moment-

It all seems so perfect.

Right now, you don't care about the fact it was supposed to be secret. You don't care about what Carlos will think or say or do, or what fans on social media will post. None of it matters.

In this moment, the only two people that matter are you and Lando, in a symphony of amorousness, standing on the top of the world.

In this moment, you and Lando, both in sync, know this is the right time. Though it's been merely three months of being in a real, serious relationship, it feels like several lifetimes.

You don't care about the shock of other people, or the cameras flashing and clicking and filming.

All the sudden, you're proud of it.

You want everyone to know, no matter how they'll react, that you're Lando's, and Lando is yours.

When you finally break away from each other, Lando's smile remains as he gazes into your eyes.

"Are you crying too?" you giggle softly as you spot a glint in his eyes.

"What? Me, crying? No, I'm not crying! Of course I'm not crying!" he says teasingly, hastily wiping at his eye with his thumb. "You're the one crying! But anyway-" He slips the papaya McLaren cap off his head and plops it on yours, saying, "Won't be needing this for the top step. Besides," he smirks, leaning in closer. "Enough with all this Ferrari stuff. I think it's finally time for you to admit: Papaya looks best on you. Papaya's your color."

As you watch him jog off after that, stunned, you feel pleased.

Finally, for once, content.

That's right. My color isn't white, or blaugrana. It's not Ferrari's red, either.

I'm a papaya girl.

His papaya girl.

[creatingblackcharacters2]

Did you know that the creator of #Inktober stole his work from a Black artist?

Now you do!

I want to kick off October by talking about #Blacktober, an event for supporting Black and Black biracial artists that ran from 2020 to 2023!

According to the organizers' own website:

In response to the creator of Inktober plagiarizing his art book from Alphonso Dunn, and the antiblack harassment Black cosplayers and artists face for re-imagining their favorite characters as Black in media and an art community where we're underrepresented - we created #Blacktober in 2020 in hopes to celebrate ourselves, nurture the community and create a positive, empowering space for Black creatives.

Any Black creative and/or cosplayer can tell you that creating or cosplaying beloved characters while Black will lead to vitriol. From comments as supposedly "harmless" such as "oh thats the "Black version" of [character]" (instead of acknowledging that they are the character), to more overt antiblackness like "n***er [character]" and "[character] isn't Black!" with the intent to mock both the creator and the character in question. They suggest that the Blackness is an insult to the character, that it's not accurate. Far less normalized is anyone saying "white [character]" or "cracker [character]" about white people cosplaying nonwhite characters.

Virulent antiblack racism towards organizers and participants was amongst the main reasons that the organizers had to let go of hosting Blacktober.

We've had a blast with everyone these past 3 years watching fan art to original creations be born out of a passion for seeing ourselves in media. However, we, the organizers, are no longer able to keep going with this event, especially with the current state of social media. We've had to combat a lot both on the front lines and behind the scenes. Not just the organizers, but also those participating. This, along with time, was two of the few reasons why we've decided to sunset.

While Blacktober itself is unfortunately no longer an organized event, Black and Black biracial artists might still choose to draw something for the month under the #Blacktober tag.

No, this is not for nonblack creatives to participate in themselves. Not for you nor your Black OCs!

It's a shame that racism constantly seeks to destroy what Black people create, and that it's so common to steal, take credit for, and benefit from our work. But you can avoid being a part of that by supporting Black creatives in your space! I am sure they are there, if you put in the effort to look for them! Search the tag- you might find old AND new work! This also includes standing by them when they speak up on mistreatment within your communities. When you don't speak against antiblack racism, it means you tolerate its existence. And when you tolerate antiblackness, guess what it makes you? We can't say fandom is for everyone, and then not act to make it so. Let's do better.

Happy Blacktober!

[asthedeathoflight]

I think part of why people get so weird and moralizing about the vampires' relationships with each other is that they're trying to map them onto human romantic relationships which just doesn't really work. And I'm not even talking about the moral dimension of "these people have to kill and eat humans to survive." I mean that for literally any of these vampires the healthy thing to do in the human world is just to never speak to each other ever again but that is just not an option for them. They're stuck with each other for ETERNITY. Either they kill each other or they find a way to live with each other those are basically the only options. They dont really get to go no contact.

And like specifically I'm thinking about the ways people reacted to the finale reconciliation between Lestat and Louis and how a lot of people read that as Louis going back to his abusive husband, and I can see how that would feel really off putting. But I think - awkward as it is - in that scene Lestat is more accurately described as being Louis' abusive father. Like if you think about the period of Louis and Lestat being together as a marriage then yes. Its insane for Louis to say he's grateful. But if you think of it as Louis' childhood then what you get is someone who has struggled with depression and being suicidal for his whole life going back to his parent and saying /im glad you brought me into the world./ Thank you for creating me. Thank you for giving me a chance to figure this out. It can be empowering for people to let go of their anger against their parents and finally see them as people with flaws. And before anyone comes at me with the forgiveness-is-harmful-to-survivors crap: I Know. I had the privilege of getting to go completely no contact with a family member without that impacting any of my other family relationships. I have no interest in forgiving him ever. But thats because I never have to see him again. If he was at family dinner - and you KNOW lestat is gonna be at vampire family dinner - I would have to learn how to let go of that rage for my OWN sake. Because living with anger like that eats at you and it turns you into something you don't want to be.

Louis forgiving Lestat isn't about Lestat. Its about Louis. It's about him coming to terms with the fact that these are the things that happened to him in his life and nobody can change them and like it or not he's gonna have to deal with Lestat for the rest of eternity and he's choosing to meet Lestat as an equal, to reconnect on his own terms. And that can be a very powerful thing to do! Not everyone wants to close the door on the people who helped raise them, even if they were hurt badly by them.

[the-monkey-ruler]

if someone wants to get into journey to the west and the story of son wukong, what's a good place to start?

I would say watching a show is what personally got me into it!! I made a list a while ago depending on what you are looking for but really just depends on if you want something like a really good movie (but can't fit all of xiyouji content due to time) or do you want something that focuses on accuracy to the novel (even if the show doesn't get to focus too much on individual characters) or something that is more of a drama series (that isn't too accurate but has fantastic character exploration)!

Personally, I would say if you are new then to watch something ACCURATE then you should choose from 1987 tv show, the 1999 cartoon show, and the 2011 tv show (links in the top link)

Or if you want a really good movie to just have a quick way to fall in love with the characters then Monkey King Hero is Back 2015, Havoc in Heaven 1961, or Monkey King 2 2016 (yes the second one is my preference I think it is better than the first tbh)

But also a good place is just reading the books which I recommend the Yu translation as they are the most reliable as it doesn’t cut out any scenes like other translations.

Or if you are not much of a reader than the audio book for the Yu translation is always available! It is free and you can do work while listening!

There of course hundreds of ways to watch or consume xiyouji media but this is my personal suggestion for someone unfamiliar or new to the content. That way once you know more of the original stuff you know what they change in media. Not even show/movie is accurate and you are going to have a hard time finding something that is one-to-one so reading the book itself is always the safest option. But just be ready to go in with the idea that each director wants to show the world THEIR version of the story and how much it meant to them and how much it could mean to you! You have so many options to get into Xiyouji and nearly 100 years worth of media surrounding such a wonderful story!! I hope you have a great read/watch!

[babyangelsky]

Back in March when I was doing the BL Challenge (brought to us by the lovely @negrowhat), I mentioned in my post about Korn Theerapanyakul that it isn't often that we get an actual villain who isn't just a love rival in a BL. The presence of an antagonist in a story doesn't necessarily make them the villain and not every story calls for one either. That being said,

Jak is a villain.

I want to break down this shot because it tells us a lot about the dynamic at play and Jak's point of view.

There's a lot going on here. The first thing my eye is drawn to is the line between them (and how Mut is just slightly crossing it since he stepped into the lion's den). Once you see that, the differences between both sides of that line become more obvious.

Mahasamut is dressed in a dark cool color and he's in shadow but his face is catching the light. The flowers, fireplace, candles, and TV behind him feel warm and homey. Fitting for a cafe. On the other hand, Jak is dressed in a warm light color and he's sitting in the light but his face is in shadow. The windows behind him and his positioning makes it feel like he's sitting at a desk in a corner office in a high rise instead of a cafe.

I weirdly wish they'd shown us when they arrived at the table because I would bet you anything that Jak sat down first. He's the older one, he's relaxed, etc. It makes sense for him to have sat first which means he chose that specific seat and the only reason I mention it, and really the only reason it matters, is that it tells us how Jak sees himself in this situation.

He's sitting there in the light in his dad sweater telling Mahasamut about wanting to fulfill his role as Tongrak's father and that he's so sorry about his behavior in the past and wants to atone for it and it's all bullshit because look at this man's face.

It is completely shadowed, just like his intentions and his agenda whereas Mut's is completely in the light.

And the difference becomes even more stark once Jak tells Mut to break up with Tongrak.

Jak is spewing nothing but ill-intentioned bullshit and Mahasamut sees it for what it is and makes it clear that he isn't going to fall for it, which is why things devolve.

Now. Just so we can get it out of the way, yes, obviously Mut should not have agreed to that meeting. He shouldn't have engaged and should've put the baby in the car and driven in the opposite direction. I was screaming at my screen for him to do just that, as were many of us I'm sure. However, I have to point out that it is not inconsistent for him from a character writing standpoint to have agreed.

Lest we forget, he said this to Tongrak last week when he was explaining why he turned Prin down when she tried to buy him.

"But Leah the dad is so much worse how could he not see—!" I know. Trust me, I do.

I'm gonna put on my baseball uniform and go to bat for my man for a second though because I think part of the reason that he agreed to talk to Jak is that he vastly underestimated him. And to be completely fair to Mahasamut, I did, too.

If I had to guess, I would say that he was expecting to be dealing with someone cut from the same cloth as Prin. Maybe a little worse since he knows what Jak has done in the past but certainly nothing he couldn't handle. Mahasamut is not a reckless or a thoughtless man. I don't believe for a second he would've even walked in the building if he didn't feel confident that he could deal with Jak.

The problem is that Jak is very much not cut from the same cloth as Prin.

I noted in my expressions post that it looked like the only time Jak was actually feeling something was when he accepted Prin's offer to destroy Tongrak but that's not entirely accurate. Having gone back to watch his scenes, there's a second instance where genuine emotion peeks through.

There's such a cold rage in his expression when he reproaches Tongrak for choosing his mother and cutting ties with him. And make no mistake, he's not angry because he loves his son. We already know that he doesn't. He's angry because in his eyes, he lost to a woman he felt nothing but disdain for.

If Tongrak and Kwan had chosen Jak over their mother, do you think Jak would be out here causing problems? No, he would've flat out ignored them. He wouldn't bother keeping such close tabs on Rak and his relationships because he would've already won and if he's doing it now, it's because he wants to win.

This is a game to him. This is fun for him.

His son is terrified and begging him not to hurt an innocent little girl and a young man and Jak's response is, "Don't be greedy."

He tries to force his son to choose which one of the people he loves most in this world gets to be safe but the choice isn't really a choice. He says he'll choose for Rak and he already has. Jak had already had Mahasamut beaten by the time he comes to see Tongrak and we know that because Mut's injuries have been treated when Rak gets home and Vivi is already there.

Matter of fact, the only reason Jak is even here talking to his son is because his attempt to convince Mut to leave has failed and he knows that going to Rak won't fail. He knows his son is afraid of him and he knows he can use that fear to get what he wants, which is why he brings up the uncle doctor.

Although we've gotten little of Jak so far, it's safe to assume that he is not a man who makes empty threats. Tongrak knows this, too, which is why he becomes so panicked when the doctor is brought up. We as the audience don't know who this doctor is but we can surmise from Tongrak's expression that he's important enough to be used as a weapon by Jak.

Until this point I don't think Tongrak realized that his father had anything to do with whatever happened to this doctor, he looks genuinely surprised. But all Jak had to do to prove how serious he is about his threat is mention the man. That's all he does. Rak puts the pieces together himself.

And here is where I bring up next week.

If you can look at this man's face as he rips the contract and think for a moment that he's going to try to push Mahasamut away for some flimsy petty reason, I am here to tell you that you are dead wrong. If I so much as SEE the words 'noble idiocy' I'm going to kick off.

Because we know that by the time Tongrak picks up this contract to rip it, Mahasamut has already been beaten twice and that Jak made a barely veiled threat to have him killed. Rak is rightfully terrified of his father and afraid for his boyfriend's life and wanting to keep Mut safe and ALIVE is not noble idiocy.

Now is it going to work? Smart money says no, wild horses couldn't drag Mahasamut away. He loves Rak too much to take any threats lying down. But as much as I understand why Mut talked to Jak, I understand why Rak wants to keep him safe even more.

Jak didn't accept Prin's offer because he wanted to help her. He doesn't give a single shit about her agenda except to mock her for it. He agreed to destroy his son because he wants to, because doing so will allow him to win and get back at his ex-wife. The money is just a bonus.

Jak is a Villain.

[deviantly-inspired]

Astarion is so interesting with his charlatan background when considering his approval/disapproval versus what actually gives him inspiration... it really can add a lot of nuance to his character.

in Act 2, there's a scene where you're in a den of enemies and you're being told to handle a group who failed their mission any way you see fit. You can kill them, fight them honorably in battle, or let them go. If you let them go, Astarion disapproves. Later, you're questioned as to why you let them go, where you'll get a persuasion or deception check: if you pick persuasion Astarion doesn't approve but he does get inspiration.

So now, he's not approved, exactly. But he's inspired. Which reads very, very interestingly if you're going for a "good" ending with Astarion. He disapproves of you saving the goblins. Why? He approves in most cases of you sparing "monsterous" things: the goblins in act 1, the hag, the gnolls. Why does he disapprove saving them here?

Well, the circumstances are different. You are, literally, surrounded by enemies at this point. And you're choosing mercy in an environment where that is objectively the stupid thing to do. But Act 1 shows us he wants us to be understanding towards "monsters" ; what he doesn't want is for us to be put into danger doing it.

Which makes sense. 200 years of abuse. If you play through his story, you know how compassion was treated by Cazador. And Moonrise tower, with it's viscera hidden in the walls and all these casual cruelties, must feel a bit like going back. So it's easy, then, for Astarion to fall into the mindset again; you've shown mercy where it isn't safe to show mercy. You're going to get yourself killed. of course he disapproves.

But then, later, he does approve of you lying about their fate (or, more accurately, you're intentions). He's inspired by it. He disapproved of what you did, but if you successfully lie about it he turns that around. Kindness doesn't have to be a death sentence. Mercy doesn't have to be weakness. Yes, it's more dangerous to be compassionate: that's what makes it so important.

So, in a "good" playthrough the way this can be read is Astarion, fearing for you, himself, the crew because you're choosing the wrong time to be nice. Only for him to be inspired when it works out. When no one gets hurt. Everyone gets to live (for now), even though you choose to be kind.

And I would like to add: it's only a -1 approval if you spare the goblins. Given there are actions in this game that can make approval sky rocket or plummet I think it's significant that acts of compassion only ever net a -1, consistently, throughout Acts 1 and 2.

I think a fair reading then would be: it's not that Astarion hates kindness or goodness or compassion. It's that Astarion has, quite literally, only just escaped 200 years of abuse. Kindness after horrors often chafes worse than cruelty, especially when it's long-term sustained horrors. Where was that kindness for him, throughout the last 200 years? Where was the compassion then? It's not anger towards you for choosing kindness: it's mourning the fact that no one ever showed that towards him. Of course he disapproves; if people are truly good and kind and compassionate and worth saving... why did no one ever save him?

[mirtola87]

I feel like the first "I forgive you" and the second "I forgive you" are different "I-forgive-yous" (or maybe not)

What else "I forgive you" may mean (one year later) — Good Omens Season 1 and 2 parallel

Ok, I know I'm 1 year late to the party and I don't know if this has already been pointed out, but it came across my mind like a lightning this morning, and now I just can't stop thinking about it. We know there are lots of parallel scenes through GO Season 1 and 2, and that we have two "I forgive you" moments. The first "I forgive you" makes utterly sense: Crowley just offended Aziraphale, and he replies with "I forgive you" (despite the demon had said just a few scenes before "Unforgivable is what I am").

The "I forgive you" in S2 left us all stuck in despair, trying to figure out why Aziraphale would have to say that just after their 6000-year-long awaited kiss.

First of all, I want to make clear that I believe this answer is totally in-character: I forgive you for kissing me while leaving me on my own when I most needed you, I forgive you for not believing that we can make a difference together, I forgive you because you are not unforgivable and I'm not giving up on you, I forgive you because forgiveness is love, it's a gift—"forgive" literally translates the Latin verb "perdonare" (per=for + donare=give) and also means "to give without conditions"... and the list goes on and on. I recommend this @sendarya's analysis which I found really accurate and on point, check it out if you haven't already: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOvv0GkMBA8&t=34s

Nevertheless, there may be a second layer of meaning. Let's go back to S1 for a moment. Aziraphale finds the Antichrist, but he chooses not to tell Crowley during the bandstand scene: he wants to sort it out on his own. Later, when Crowley comes to the bookshop to apologize, he just tells him that he wants to talk to God to thwart Apocalypse, which triggers Crowley's "You're so clever! How can someone as clever as you be so stupid?". So let's recap what happens: 1) Aziraphale knows something he isn't telling Crowley and has a plan; 2) Crowley offers Aziraphale to go off together, but Aziraphale refuses because he wants to save Earth; 3) Crowley offends Aziraphale: "How can someone as clever as you be so stupid?"; 4) Aziraphale says "I forgive you"; 5) Crowley leaves (let alone calling Aziraphale again 5 minutes later).

Later, after discorporating and failing in his attempt to reach God, Aziraphale realizes that the only way to thwart Apocalypse is "our side", so he appears to a drunk and devastated Crowley to reveal him that the Antichrist is in Tadfield, and they arrange to meet there. We may assume that, after the Armageddon't, they talked of what happened, and Aziraphale may have told Crowley that he already knew where the boy was during the bandstand meeting; anyway, Crowley saw Aziraphale acting mysteriously and keeping his secrets: he said he wanted to talk with God to sort things out, but nothing more. Crowley knew that there was something his angel wasn't telling him, and that he had a plan. Now let's see what happens in S2: 1) Aziraphale knows something he isn't telling Crowley (he doesn't reveal Metatron's threats) and (hopefully) has a plan; 2) Crowley offers Aziraphale to go off together, but Aziraphale refuses because he wants to "make a difference"; 3) Crowley hurts Aziraphale: "No Nightingales. You idiot. We could have been us" (+ bonus, devastating kiss); 4) Aziraphale says "I forgive you"; 5) Crowley leaves the bookshop... but he just waits across the street, until Aziraphale takes the lift with the Metatron.

Ok, nice parallel so far. But what am I trying to say with that? I think that perhaps—just as "Trust me"—"I forgive you" may have come to acquire a second, coded meaning: "There's something I'm not telling you, but I have a plan". One more, desperate attempt of our angel to tell something to his demon without anyone else noticing, as he knows that the Metatron is watching. Crowley waiting by the Bentley is a way to show his angel he's not giving up on him, but maybe also to let him know he got his message.

So, do what you want with this, now I can go on with my day despite the brainrot (maybe).

[frownyalfred]

Hey Res! Please ignore this ask if it's too troublesome or bothersome

I saw you had an guide for non-drikers writers that wanted to write about a character who drink. I was wondering if you could the same about guns?

I read synchronicity and I loved it how you used Jason's knowledge with guns to control the narrative and pacing. I don't know if you have actual technical knowledge on handguns (I think it's a no? But maybe you do?) But any tip is nice

Thank you a lot 🩷

Hi anon! This is such a fascinating question and I hope I can provide a somewhat plausible answer. I am familiar with some guns and have shot a few in my lifetime, but I am far from an expert.

Some things I think writers need to keep in mind while writing their firearm-related scenes. For clarity, I'm just going to call them guns below.

Are you thinking of a specific gun? Make sure you know its full name but ALSO make sure you know its nickname. Your character might think of it as "the Berretta" instead of its full name, etc.

What does your gun fire? Does it take shells, bullets, cartridges, etc? Shotguns, for example, don't fire bullets. That's a common mistake I see.

How do you reload said gun? Is it easy? What parts of the gun do you have to touch? Reloading a shotgun is MUCH different from reloading a handgun, for example.

Most guns get hot and release gunpowder residue when shot. They're LOUD. You can have several cascading things happen to a character who fires a gun or is near a gun when it fires: ringing ears, the smell of gunpowder, the hot feeling of the gun's muzzle, etc.

Even the best sharpshooters miss shots. IRL shooting is HARD, especially when moving. Different guns have different benefits to shooting style, stance, targets. Firing a handgun willy-nilly will rarely result in accurate shots, even if you dual wield (which is silly, this is SO hard).

Stance MATTERS. If you've ever seen Hannibal, there's a scene where Will talks about his choice of shooting stance with Beverly. They bicker over Isosceles and Weaver, which are two standard stances. One uses a triangle between your arms and the gun to brace for the kickback of the shot, while the other moves that brace to one side with a different grip. Will eventually chooses the latter stance because of a past shoulder injury. (GIF of Will struggling with his original isosceles stance)

If a gun isn't properly braced when fired, it will kick back and hit you. Sometimes in the face. Yes this has happened with me and a rifle. My first day shooting cans, I had a huge bruise on my face AND on my chest where the rifle butt kicked back.

If your gun uses bullets, there are different calibers. If you've ever watched Mythbusters, you can see why caliber matters -- it depends what or who you're shooting. Are you trying to penetrate armor? Are you sacrificing accuracy for power? Different guns use different calibers for numerous reasons, and guns can be altered to use other ammo as well.

With respect to discussing caliber while writing: It's all VERY complicated if you don't know guns, so make sure you're not giving too much detail if you can avoid it. That's a very easy way to spot a lack of experience with guns, in my experience. Your reader doesn't need to know the caliber just because the character is shooting a gun -- but in an autopsy, sure, the caliber is relevant.

You will lose your hearing eventually if you fire guns close to your ears unprotected. It's not sexy, and it also causes something called tinnitus. The real pros wear ear protection.

In terms of realism for writing, here's a couple rapid fire busted myths: You can't dodge bullets unless you're superhuman. Bullet wounds to the legs/arms/shoulders can absolutely still be fatal. Cardiac arrest caused by being shot is usually fatal, and CPR doesn't really help on its own. "Running out of shots" depends on the gun AND the modifications someone has made to it. You can't always tell just by looking at a gun what it will do. Silencers are rarely "silent" and are heavily regulated.

Injuries: Some bullets tear through bodies. Some aren't high enough caliber to do more than go in and lodge in some tissue. Some fragment and bounce around in weird ways. Depending on how gruesome you want to get, there's a lot of different ways to describe gunshot injuries. I've always been the kind of person to google images for better understanding, but I understand that's not for everyone. I think NYT or WaPo did a good piece on traumatic gun injuries a few years back, complete with an interview with an ER doc from Chicago (?). One thing I learned there -- sometimes people lose their legs, or both legs, after being shot in their leg.

In terms of describing how someone uses/fights with guns, I know the John Wick movies are a little cheesy, but they are staged by people who REALLY know their guns. They talk about what he's using usually before the scene starts, and there's very few frills when it comes to stance, firing, etc. John does a cool trick in the first or second movie where he ejects a casing one-handed away from his face, a notoriously hard maneuver that most people usually do with two hands to avoid getting burned. I highly recommend watching the John Wick movies for blocking ideas.

Which reminds me -- holding a gun sideways is a terrible idea. For many reasons. Stance, casing ejection, stability, etc. Someone can use it against you.

Never point a gun at something you're not willing to shoot. Well-trained characters should follow this rule religiously. If they were soldiers, agents, etc, they will know this rule.

Similarly, multiple people with guns will "clear" a room before entering. They will be trained for something called crossfire, which is when someone is downrange of their gun and could potentially be shot. A group of characters bursting into a room without clearing their shot is a nightmare. This is how people shoot their friends or random civilians.

I hope someone more knowledgeable can add onto this! These are just some big things that stick out to me when reading. I highly recommend checking out Mythbusters, John Wick, and even Hannibal for some semi-realistic shooting references. Good luck!

[clairedaring]

preliminary thoughts on my stand-in ep.6

i actually have quite a few thoughts on msi ep 6 but because i was/am busy moving out and settling in a new house this week, i completely forgot to join the msi discussion space on twitter 🥲

perhaps if i have time this weekend, i'll have a proper post for my thoughts. but i'm also very scared of accidentally spoiling things for others (although i do think non-novel reader audience are spoiling themselves way more with their 95% accurate theories than my vague novel spoilers here and there)

but in general, i really like the following points:

i like how confused ming looked throughout ep6 because you can feel that there's this conflicting feeling in him about trying to get close with joe 2.0 while still missing joe 1.0

ming getting himself a role into this film to get close with joe 2.0

i was so glad they kept joe breaking into his house again to 'ruin' his crime scene so we got that scene of him wanting to break the kintsugied cat mugs but he just couldn't bare to do so. ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

joe trying to make ming drunk was really funny because i feel like ming was fully aware of what joe was trying to do anyway but he just let himself get drunk because joe 2.0 reminded him so much of joe 1.0

joe putting ming to bed pleaseeee that's the fucking joe i know and love. being kind (to the shitty ex that kidnapped and cause you to be blacklisted from the industry) does not make you weak. and joe knows that.

sol describing joe PERFECTLY like how i've been yelling about him the past two weeks. joe is SELFLESS and HUMBLE. he simply cannot trouble others AND will take on the pain himself. -> which also explains joe choosing the worst money lender out of all the financial aid offers thrown at him

joe resisting ming during all the kisses in ep.6 until the very last kiss where ming pulled out after joe gave in •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀

joe refusing to believe ming could actually love joe 1.0 and choosing to think that ming still likes tong even after he saw the kintsugied cat mugs and ming saying he REALLY MISS P'JOEEEEE when he was drunk.

my stand-in ep 6 really captures well the contents of chapters 50-60 of professional body double. one of the most engrossing things about the 188 novels is how the protagonist ends up in a tangled relationship with the scum ml again in the wife chasing arc. more often than not, 188 scum mls tend to threaten to harm or isolate mcs from their friends and family. which is why i really liked how this was handled in pbd/msi because joe got to negotiate his term and deliberately chose to make this devil's deal with ming on his own, meanwhile ming isn't out there ruining sol's life and his money is gonna actually help mom ing.

[tonydaddingham]

so i had the bright idea of rewatching s1 today whilst im working from home, now knowing what i know about s2, and so i can ruminate a little more on s1 with the additional context. ive barely made it past five minutes

im pretty sure ive gotten most of the frames accurate from this bit, and im sure it might just be a bit of demonstrative cinematography (which ya know, *chefs kiss*) but at the same time i love going into full year 9 english teacher mode about this shit, and i think there is something to comment on (which someone already might have done but w/e). in any case, this bit of dialogue is very noticeably layered with shots of crowley and aziraphale, but intercut with the shots of adam facing down the lion:

like, i can't help but feel that there is some symmetry in this and either other people have spotted it and im very behind, OR we havent spotted it and s2 spoilers have helped unlock it✨

so who is meant to be who here? for my money it would be that adam is mirroring aziraphale, and eve is mirroring crowley - in so much that at a really shallow level, aziraphale is a platoon leader, a guardian, fought in the war etc. crowley, regardless of his rank, is a starmaker, and let's face it the boy has the structural integrity of a strand of dried linguine. so we could look at it on that level (ignore the lion for the moment ill sort of explain that if it isn't already obvious)

but also we now know that this scene is not their first meeting, and that aziraphale and crowley do in fact remember each other and know that they have met, and in aziraphale's case is probably the teeniest bit shy bc damn heart eyes as an angel, heart eyes as a demon 🥵 but my point is that this is after the fall. after (as far as crowley tells it) crowley fell for 'just ask[ing] questions", and "just hung around the wrong people".

now i have my thoughts on why crowley fell: tldr because it would require another post - both reasons he gave above are bullshit and obvs conflict with each other, so i think that he doesn't actually know why he fell and has just guessed his transgressions so he can rationalise it, that god actually never had an issue with him asking questions, and instead it was actually god's plan to make him fall so he could represent the 'evil' side of free will on earth, as aziraphale's counterpart, and essentially ensure that humankind stays eternally 'in balance'

ANYWAY so the fact that in the lion sequence, 'crowley' is being shielded by 'aziraphale' against an unknown entity; but does this mirror a flashback, or is it foreshadowing? again, id put my bets on the former visually, but the latter... lyrically? idk the word but regardless take the dialogue:

"What if I did the right thing;

with the whole 'eat the apple business'?

A demon can get into a lot of trouble;

for doing the right thing."

so let's rephrase this:

"Was it the right decision to fall;

was I right to choose this for myself?

to choose the right to choose?

Because i feel like i could live to regret it."

so is crowley in essence already asking if aziraphale is on his side? is he asking if falling was the right thing, the good thing, to do (regardless of whether god gave him any choice in the matter)? But was he given the choice, first true free will? did aziraphale try to protect him during the fall, so crowley could get out in time (but ultimately fail? or at least bought Crowley enough time to find a back staircase and fall gently and peacefully, 'saunter vaguely downwards'?), and then get assigned to earth to be the 'good' side of the coin for humanity?

and is crowley asking if aziraphale will continue to be with him? in whatever romantic, platonic, acquaintance context you want - is he asking aziraphale if aziraphale will fight for him again, for them both? aziraphale made his decision, enacted his free will, in giving the humans a sword, and thus brought the concept of war and horror to earth, even if that was never his intention - so now swordless, and now only condemned to watch humanity as it strides out on its own (or was this the plan all along?👀), is aziraphale willing to do it? does he have the power, the strength, the will? would he stretch his finger over the line to fight on their side?

maybe im asking the wrong kind of questions, but all ill say is that in the above sequence? at the end of the dialogue? adam kills the lion.

i think 'their side' began in the job minisode, yes maybe, but also maybe the idea of it, the understanding of it, was planted here.

[lilac-den]

Oooohhh, I like how accurate it is for the ROs to act exactly that way, Maverick’s trying not to think dishonored of MC, Rydigan smoothly changing the conversation, Ittania just so excited to know someone new and unconsciously direct others' interests, Enid being wary of the fact the scars seems like battle scars... They're all fit to the ROs character, can't wait to see them in the near future chapter 2. Now, what would the ROs reaction be if someone really try to disregard MC due to the scars? In fact... Can we get a snippet with all 4 of them include? (P.S.: I can absolutely imagine Sylphina holding a gun towards the said offenders and proclaim to ask: Who are you to deem my dearest cousin ugly!? Get out you creak, I promise I won't shot you! (Ittania would be clapping by sides lol

Honestly, I kinda want to add such a scene into the game. While MC is probably used to the scars and isn't ashamed of it, I can imagine them feeling more shameful of the fact they're letting the ROs hang out with them. After all, they have such a good reputation - why would they ever mingle with someone with hideous rumours? Which led to the scenario of:

Maverick: He would be quick to guard MC, asking strictly of what the offender dared say. "Regardless of the circumstances with their scars, [offender's name and title], offending a cousin of a Countess and a companion of the Princess is unbecoming of any noble. Am I to understand that not only are you offending the Princess's companion, but the Princess herself for choosing someone, as you said, 'so hideously disfigured'? Or you mean to insult Countess Sylphina's beloved and only relative, who you describe to be 'an uncouth, uncultured, misshapen Neanderthal' despite never having met even once before?"

Which leads to the offender stammering and stumbling out an apology and thus led to Maverick getting annoyed and remind the person of their station before letting them off with a warning.

Rydigan: "Hey now, what's all this about?" Rydigan would slide right into the conversation. "I'm terribly sorry for interrupting, but I could have sworn my ears were burning from the sounds of grisly comments."

"Oh, do not worry, Sir Rydigan. I was simply stating some facts with [Title] [Name] is all."

Rydigan's eyes sharpen and so did his smile, the tips of his fang-like teeth almost peeking out. "Facts, you say? Like what?"

"Oh!" The offender exclaims with excitement and starts. "Like how it must have been dreadful for them to receive such a horrendous scar from the fire, to live and walk about with it all day long."

"The fire?" Rydigan asks and tilts his head slightly, both curious and careful. "You mean the one that cost them their parents? The one where Countess Sylphina, who trades with your town the necessary food to survive the winter, lost her aunt and uncle before saving her precious cousin and only family?"

Sweat begins to bead upon the offender's forehead. "Uhm-"

"And you speak of living and walking about with the scar like it's a horrible thing." Rydigan releases [Name] from his hold but doesn't move away from them. "And yet, it is a proof of survival. Much like the scars our soldiers and knights obtained from fighting our battles as we lead them." A gleam comes onto Rydigan's eyes. "Unless you're saying...people who are scarred should perish and never see the light of day?"

The offender snaps. "Now don't you twist my words-"

"How am I twisting your words?" Rydigan blinks, surprised by such a reaction. But [Name] knows it's simply an innocent play. "Remember, you said so yourself." Rydigan clears his throat and impersonates the offender, word for word with clear pronunciation and tone. "It must have been dreadful to receive such a horrendous scar, to live and walk about it all day long." Rydigan spreads out a hand to the offender, presenting the figure to all watching this spectacle. "In fact, I believe our king and even the rulers before him bear scars from protecting our kingdom. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you think the royal family should perish too just for being scarred." He points at the offender casually. "Am I wrong?"

The flustered expression and tense silence surrounding the offender is enough for a smile to bloom upon Rydigan's face.

Ittania: "Hey!" Ittania walks on over immediately, startling the offender and [Name] with her booming voice. Before the offender could make out a comment or greeting, Ittania cuts to the chase. "What did I just hear you say?"

"Lady Ittania," the offender swallows nervously, places a hand upon their chest and then bow their head respectfully, "forgive me, I did not mean to sully your ears-"

"That's not what I asked." Ittania frowns. "I'm asking what did I just hear you say. You could tell me if you managed to tell [Title] [Name], right?"

"Uhm..." The offender glances at [Name] and, feeling that sense of protectiveness, Ittania moves to block their sight from [Name].

"Well?" Ittania crosses her arms against her chest, imposing an intimidating stance. The offender swallows again, sweat running down from their brow.

"I-I simply...simply made a comment about their appearance."

"And that comment happens to be?" The offender opens their mouth but no words escape. Irritated, Ittania emphasizes further. "Well? We're waiting." She growls out, like a warning.

At this point, the offender knew they're stuck in a hole. "I...said the Wan...Wanderer..."

"The Wanderer what?"

"...The Wanderer must be ashamed to think their scars are worth anything."

A heavy silence covers the room, like a heavy blanket committed to suffocating the party. It's so deathly silent that a pin drop might equate to the ring of a gong.

But what's palpable is the fury in Ittania's eyes, one of her hands gripping her crossed arm so hard that no doubt her muscles are probably bulging underneath her formal wear.

"So you're telling me," she starts, tense, "that you saw the Wanderer, who you never met before and is new to the capital, walked up to them and insulted them right off the bat?"

The offender nods.

Ittania steps to the side and gestures to [Name]. "Them. The person who saved Princess Bellarosa?"

Another, albeit very nervous, nod.

"...Are you a fucking idiot?!"

It took Maverick, Rydigan and [Name] to hold Ittania back and prevent her from spewing profanities befitting a sailor.

Enid: She heard it all, clear as day and just as loud as she would hear from standing right in front of the offender. It doesn't bother her nor does it matter to her. After all, people insult one another all the time - mostly behind their back. This is pretty much an introduction to nobility for the Wanderer. It's not such a big deal.

But boy, does the haughtiness in the offender's voice irritate her immensely.

As Enid sips upon her third glass of red wine, glaring at the sight of the offender laughing and mocking [Name] about the scars, she finds herself more and more annoyed by the niggling sensation inside her.

Then the offender sneered, reaching out-

"Hey!"

And just as sudden, the offender found their outfit stained with the colour of red wine.

"Oh my," Enid covers her mouth with her gloved hand, her other holding the wine glass dripping with the crimson liquid, "I'm very sorry about that, [Noble's title]."

"I'll say!" The offender exclaims, horrified by the new flaw upon their pricey outfit. "You ruined my outfit!"

"And I do so apologize for that." Enid lowers the hand on her mouth and smiles - a smile that doesn't reach her green orbs. "I just get so clumsy when I drank one too many drinks. After all, you never know how badly things could get from being intoxicated." She tries all her might to avoid glancing over at [Name]. The curiosity of their reaction is none of her concern. None at all. "Like spilling a drink...or offending the scarred noble who saved the Princess of our kingdom."

At the harsh implications in her tone, the offender stares at her, confused for a moment. But Enid has since dropped her smile and settles her wine glass upon the tray of a passing servant, letting said servant walk away with the empty glass before continuing.

"I suppose I wasn't clear enough." She turns her eyes back to the offender, gaze unwavering and face leaving little to tell. "Be grateful I stopped you with red wine before someone imprison you in grime for insulting the chosen companion of the Princess. Unless your goal was to highlight your outfit in red blood, that shade might just work."

"Lady Enid-"

Enid holds a hand up. "Do not try to guile your way out. Just walk away, stuff your mouth with food and save your breath. You've offended more than enough people as is."

"But Lady Enid, this is-!"

"If you believe this is preposterous," Enid glares, "shall I bring in Countess Sylphina to inform her of your needling towards her cousin? Or would you rather I inform the king that his daughter's companion is disregarded by his own subject just because of how they looked?"

The offender's tongue retracts deep in their mouth at that moment. Taking Enid's 'advice' to heart, they bow their head and barely mumble out something (an apology? A farewell? Something in between, from what Enid can make out) before turning and running for, as Enid mentioned, the food.

Enid finally decides to glance over to [Name]...and immediately her face displays a frustration at the satisfied feeling inside her upon seeing the shocked expression on their face.

"What?" She snaps at them in an instant. "They were getting annoying."

[diminuel]

🚨Angst Warning🚨

I want to play around with Crocodile’s missing ring again... What if originally there was a ring there. (This is all under the premise that my timeline is accurate)

I could see Crocodile getting a bit "clingy" to Dragon. Like, they start bonding during a really tumultuous time for Crocodile. His entire plan and dream is crushed by losing that fight with WB. He's having to find himself again, learn how to cope without a whole ass hand, and find the motivation to keep being a pirate right after he got his warlord status. It's a major hit to his ego, and to be recovering in a new environment with people he may not fully trust.

Dragon is a strong and motivated leader. Dragon has conviction and a strong head on his shoulders. He could be a really stabilizing force for Crocodile during this time. I could see Crocodile being anxious to ever lose that support and trust. Especially with how bad his record with trust is, and with how low his self-esteem probably is at the time.

And after some time, a relationship starts to bloom between them. One that's a bit impulsive, and not the healthiest. But they are stuck in a honeymoon phase, and unwilling to let go of that for the reality of their situation. I could see Dragon using his time with Crocodile as an escape from the stressors of being a leader to a Revolution. After a long day of seeing the consequences of an oppressive system, but to be able to come home, and no longer be the figurehead with so much on his shoulders. To come back home and just be a normal man and cuddle with his love. Maybe Dragon gets a bit too comfortable, and impulsive. So, he gets a cheep and inconspicuous ring, and makes a promise with Crocodile to always be there for each other. (Sidenote, I can picture a cute scene where Dragon pulls out the ring, and Crocodile inspects it with a playful pout. "You couldn't have gotten me a big diamond?")

Crocodile is excited about this new aspect of his life, but he's getting a bit stir-crazy at the revolutionary army's base. The sea is calling to him, and he is starting to feel the confidence to get back out there again. But Crocodile is conflicted with leaving right after that promise. He loves Dragon, he doesn't want to disappoint him, or lose the access to the steady flow of support. So he chooses to stay a bit longer, to make a solid exist plan without losing Dragon. Something they both could approve of.

Crocodile finds out he's pregnant, the honeymoon phase starts to fall, and reality hits hard. When Dragon finds out, he's terrified. This could put him, and or, the revolution at risk. This could put Crocodile at risk. But he doesn't have the balls to think of ending the pregnancy, he has a selfish sense of responsibly, and a secret hope this could bloom into a happy family. He tells Crocodile he will take care of it, relocates him to a safe house, and tells no one.

But Dragon is a busy man, the face of a revolution, and it waits for no man. Sacrificing his personal priories came with the job description. No matter how much he wants to be with Crocodile to help care for him, his work comes first. So with his minimal discreet visits, to drop off supplies and do wellness checks, Crocodile is left very alone. Dragon isn't cruel to leave Crocodile without a midwife/doctor, but it's still Crocodile baring the full weight of it all with, in his eyes, barely a glance from Dragon.

Crocodile quickly starts to see the flaws in their relationship, and his view on Dragon completely flips. Dragon is now a pathetic, selfish man, who never truly loved him, and only wants to punish him. The pregnancy is a cruel joke Dragon set to up mock Crocodile. He was just about to leave for the sea, and try his hand at his dreams again. But Dragon's support was always a façade, he knew how vulnerable a position like this would put Crocodile in. It was the prefect scenario to keep Crocodile caged.

Crocodile becomes resentful, unstable, and very depressed. He has no love for the thing he carries. Crocodile can't look at his reflection anymore, as he doesn't recognize the person looking back. He feels wrong and can't do anything about it. The midwife becomes very concerned by how Crocodile has progressed, but does all they can to care for and support him during the pregnancy. When Dragon sees how bad things have gotten, he has to make a hard decision. He sets up a plan with the midwife that when Crocodile gives birth, they will give him a clean opportunity to break away from all of this.

Luffy is born premature, and silent. He is separated from Crocodile to be checked over by the midwife. When everything is settled down, Dragon tells Crocodile the baby didn't make it. With all the pain and emotion this news brings, Crocodile finally takes off the ring. Letting this part of his life die. Wani is dead, he is now Crocodile. He rushes off to cash in a favor with Iva, puts all of that behind him. But as a reminder of the pain trusting and loving someone can bring, he will never put another ring on that finger.

Oh no, you hurt me!

Jail, jail for Dragon for a thousand years! I can totally see Dragon making a decision he thinks is for the best for Crocodile, but never even considering asking him his opinion. Maybe Crocodile didn't want a clean cut and a dead baby. (Even though you do say he came to resent the baby.)

Since I'm a hurt/comfort lover, I'm of course always trying to find a way how to fix it but it's a really difficult situation for Crocodile, maybe even more than for Dragon because he knows that Luffy lives. He will know that Crocodile lives. He has long accepted that he will choose his cause over his personal happiness. (Even if that means giving up Crocodile and the baby and the comfort that their relationship had been.)

I'm also thinking about the Marineford reveal because as far as Crocodile knows his baby is dead. Who does he think Luffy is? Another of Dragon's children? He probably doesn't think that it could be his baby. Wah.

[antianakin]

@theneutralmime

I think my personal view on Padme is that she was introduced as a really interesting character who then sort-of got swallowed by the romance and Anakin's story taking more and more precedence over her own development. Lucas said a few times that TPM is, in many ways, Padme's story more than anybody else's. Which is cool, but it means that when she sort-of disappears into being nothing more than a catalyst for Anakin's fall and Luke/Leia's incubator, it feels a little strange and jarring. The Padme of ROTS no longer feels like the interesting character we had in TPM. Even in AOTC, most of her interesting character development scenes (like meeting her family, her speech about the war, even just the extended arrival on Naboo where she talks about how she set aside her dreams of a family to continue a career of service) got cut in favor of (presumably) focusing more on the romance and how that affects Anakin.

Padme is someone who got introduced in TPM as a person who wanted to avoid violence as much as possible, she tends to play things safe because she believes it's the better political choice to make, but by the end of the movie she's learned that sometimes she just has to trust her instincts and do what she believes is right (this is the whole point of her being on Tatooine with Qui-Gon and seeing him insist on continuing with the podrace idea and the way this works out for him leading to Padme then choosing to approach the Gungans for aid in taking her planet back by force, a plan NOBODY ELSE believes in but her). So they take Padme on this journey where she becomes someone who trust herself and her instincts above anyone else, but who also deeply cares about doing the right thing to help the most people which is why she's in politics at all.

When we get to AOTC, she's continued that into her senator years and apparently only gotten even more reckless with age. But when her feelings for Anakin come into conflict with what she knows to be her duty, she has to make a choice. Does she "follow her instincts" and do what she wants, or does she continue to make that sacrifice because it's the right thing to do? And in the end, she makes the selfish choice.

My problem with what happens in AOTC is two fold. For one, I don't think it does NEARLY enough to convince me about why Padme likes Anakin enough to throw away her morals for him. The overall journey Padme is taking in this film I think is fine, but I don't think the chemistry between them works and I think the romance has aged like milk, which leaves me just kind-of wondering why Padme would risk SO MUCH for... a dude who can't even be considerate enough to respect her boundaries and who she believes makes jokes about fascism and dictatorships (or more accurately, who she has to CONVINCE HERSELF would make jokes about fascism and dictatorship so that she doesn't have to come up against the much more uncomfortable truth that it's not a joke to him at all). Anakin is creepy, insensitive, and sometimes almost unkind to Padme all throughout AOTC, when I THINK he's intended to come off as awkward but charming, enough to make Padme feel sort-of "young again" (I know she's only 24 in this movie, but she hasn't allowed herself to really ACT young for probably about 10 years) in a way that sweeps her off her feet a little. The romance doesn't work, it just doesn't, and I think a LOT of people would agree with me that it doesn't work even if we might not all agree on why that is. The editing isn't good, the dialogue is clunky, the chemistry is practically nonexistent. So when Padme makes her big declaration about how she loves him so much and then marries him, I find it hard to believe, and that is a problem for the rest of the narrative of the Prequel Trilogy.

The other problem I have with AOTC is that Padme is told to us to be a very MORAL person, someone who believes very deeply in doing the right thing and gets righteously upset at people being mistreated. She's someone who ends up seeing Jar Jar more kindly than almost anyone else and is capable of extending that experience with him to the rest of his people enough that she goes to make a deal with them that allows the Gungans better representation and treatment. She gets upset when she realizes slavery still exists on Tatooine and always treats Anakin and Shmi very kindly. She is incredibly upset by the possibility that her people on Naboo could be suffering and dying at the hands of the Trade Federation, enough that she ultimately decides to leave the Senate behind and find her own solution. She barely is willing to leave Coruscant in AOTC for her own protection because she doesn't want to leave before the big vote about whether they're going to go to war against the Separatists or not. And so I have a hard time reconciling that person with the person in AOTC who hears Anakin advocate for a dictatorship and chooses to laugh it off, or the person who hears Anakin say he murdered an entire village of Tuskens and not only chooses to COMFORT HIM about it, but basically CONDONES what he's done by saying it's only human, and then MARRIES HIM. The moral Padme who cares deeply about people seems incongruous with the one who falls in love with and marries Anakin. Fewer people might agree with me on this one since it requires being critical of Anakin, but I think there'd still be a solid group of people who'd agree that this just doesn't seem to match up.

So by the time those two things come together, that interesting journey of this person who wanted to avoid violence as much as possible but had to learn to follow her instincts if she wanted to get anything done starting to give in to selfish desires because she's sacrificed most of her life to serving her people kind-of... disappears. Because I don't understand why she even HAS desires for Anakin, selfish or otherwise, and loving Anakin by the end of AOTC requires her to be so immoral that it feels out of character for her. I don't think the romance INHERENTLY ruined Padme's character at all, but I do think it was mishandled and ended up causing some unfortunate implications about her with the contradictions that exist due to it being a badly written romance.

I like that Padme is, in some ways, almost equally as selfish as Anakin is. She's giving up her morals to marry him just like she is, her job makes this relationship just as forbidden as his does (more so almost, since the Jedi clearly KNOW about the relationship to some degree and don't do anything to actually break them up until Clovis happens and Obi-Wan feels the need to step in a little more and even with THAT they clearly are still aware of the relationship having continued and don't do anything about it, while Padme believes that if the Queen found out about her pregnancy in ROTS that she wouldn't be allowed to serve on the Senate). I like the idea of Padme paralleling Anakin in this, that she starts off such a moral person and that it isn't Anakin himself who causes her to start veering towards selfishness, but the invasion of Naboo and the corruption of the Senate leaving her feeling like she has no choice but to do what SHE believes to be right. And she IS right in that instance, but the implication we get in AOTC is that she's kind-of gotten... worse since then. She follows her instincts no matter what and it leads her to reckless places, up to and including a marriage to a Jedi that is forbidden to her. I even like that Padme is SO selfishly invested in this relationship that she's willing to lie to Obi-Wan to protect Anakin from committing a genocide and then begging him to run away with her so he can escape justice rather than facing the possibility that this is WHO HE IS and she's just been able to ignore it up until now.

I actually like that and think that that's interesting as a character, this... devolution that she has throughout the trilogy in parallel to Anakin and the Senate themselves. She's an immensely flawed person and her connections to the other narratives about how good things go bad can't be a coincidence.

But what sucks is that, over time, Padme has kind-of ended up getting interpreted as this person who was above those kinds of flaws, who wasn't selfish, who WOULD put her duty over her desires. People see Padme as this person who did everything RIGHT and just ended up an unfortunate tragic victim of it like the Jedi when that just... isn't true. And I think it's a reaction to how contradictory Padme's actions (especially in AOTC) seem to be to her character from TPM to just defend her as being RIGHT to be in a relationship with the person she loved despite the reasons for it being forbidden, as being RIGHT to defend Anakin against Obi-Wan's accusations in ROTS, as being RIGHT to prioritize Anakin's comfort instead of condemning what he did to the Tuskens in AOTC. But it misses that Padme isn't just the catalyst for Anakin's choices, she's not just this perfect thing he couldn't live without, she's someone who ENABLED those choices by being selfish herself. She's ALSO someone who started off with such good intentions, such lofty ideals, and was brought low by greed and selfishness and an unwillingness to be mindful about herself and her own desires. Padme might not have ultimately caused a genocide as a result of her selfishness, but it doesn't mean she WASN'T selfish in her choices and that her selfishness helped lead Anakin down a bad path just as much as Palpatine's machinations did. Anakin's choices are obviously still his own and not Padme's FAULT, but I find it frustrating when people try to exonerate Padme of all responsibility for what ultimately happened and pretend like she never did anything wrong in this story, that her love was pure and selfless and free of any attachment.

So on paper, I LIKE Padme's arc and I find it fascinating and the romance is necessary for that arc, but I do think the romance part of it was mishandled badly to the point that it makes Padme feel contradictory and incomplete and underdeveloped. Like if I'm supposed to believe Padme is willing to set aside jokes about dictatorship and the massacre of an entire village of Tuskens when I've been repeatedly told that she's a moral person who cares about humanitarian issues above anything else, I need more than just "this pretty boy is kinda dorky and sweet sometimes." I need know what would DRIVE her to pursue a relationship she knows is forbidden for a reason with a man who is pretty clearly unstable and almost dangerously obsessed with her. What insecurity is making a relationship with Anakin seem so immensely compelling to her, let alone a MARRIAGE.

So either I think the romance needed to be a little more... romantic and eliminate the things like the jokes about dictatorships and the Tusken massacre so Padme doesn't seem like a complete idiot who believes it's okay to murder people so long as those people are Tuskens, or Padme needed to be more explicitly someone who was a little corrupt herself so that Padme being okay with murdering Tuskens and jokes about dictatorship doesn't feel so out of character for her. Or both, maybe a little of both. She's corrupt enough to enter into a relationship with someone she knows she shouldn't without giving up her position as a senator because it's what gives her power, but she's not SO corrupt that murder of an entire village down to the last child is okay so perhaps leave that bit out.

Padme is a character I REALLY loved as a kid when I first watched the Prequels (which were the first Star Wars films I EVER saw) and so I still really like her generally due to pure nostalgia, but my feelings on her have gotten far more complex as I think about her and her narrative more critically.

Ahsoka I think works fine right up until you get to the Ahsoka show where she's just blatantly and wildly out of character and completely flat at the same time. There's things I wish were done a little differently in TCW for my own personal taste, but I think that generally the idea of Ahsoka as someone who only really knew Anakin through the context of war and as a child actually does work. Some of his more violent outbursts can be more easily explained away through the context of the situation as well as a child's sort-of more naive outlook on the adults around them. Ahsoka also never sees him do anything as heinous as the Tusken massacre or make jokes about dictatorships (at least none that I can remember), so unlike Padme, she's not ever blatantly ignoring anything that should be a massive fucking red flag. Well, there's the abusive training from TOTJ, if we choose to consider that canon, which I think Filoni was technically on the fence about. But even that is something that seems to not cause any long-term damage and that Anakin tells her is for her own protection, so it's easier to set aside perhaps than the massacre of an entire village down to the last child.

What makes the Ahsoka show frustrating is that it doesn't ALLOW HER to have an adult perspective on it where she looks back and sees all of the things her child self wouldn't have been able to notice. She never looks back and sees the outbursts of violence or some of his more unorthodox comments about the Jedi as the warning signals that they were. She elects instead to IGNORE everything that he's done in order to double down on the opinion she'd held as a child (and that she'd been able to KEEP up until Malachor) that Anakin was a genuinely good person overall rather than acknowledging that while Anakin had good MOMENTS, he was in fact a bad person and a bad teacher, and she can only move forward if she LETS HIM GO. Ahsoka deserved that and now she'll never get it and it sucks.

Obi-Wan I sort-of disagree with you on in that I don't think Obi-Wan's ever BLIND to his faults. I think this is part of a major misconception of his character that a lot of people seem to share. But Obi-Wan spends like all of AOTC being VERY aware of Anakin's faults and has to figure out how to let go of his worries in order to have faith that Anakin has learned enough to fix and learn from his own mistakes. So by ROTS, it's not that he's blind to Anakin's faults at all, he's just chosen to have faith that even when Anakin stumbles, he'll always pick himself back up again. We see this most evidently in his reaction to Anakin's temper tantrum in the Council chambers about not being made a master where he's clearly disappointed in Anakin's behavior, but he later tells Anakin that despite that, he's still ON HIS SIDE and tries to give Anakin guidance on the situation. He takes Anakin's apology later as a sign that Anakin is sort-of figuring things out a little more, but he is uh. Wrong. Anakin's apology is sort-of half-assed AT BEST, but I can see where Obi-Wan would at least see it as good first step in the right direction. But I don't see Obi-Wan's faith in this film (or in TCW) as a flaw or a blindness because he cares too much about Anakin. It's his STRENGTH. Much like the Jedi themselves, just because his faith was betrayed and misplaced doesn't mean that he was wrong to decide to have faith in the first place. It was STILL the right, healthy choice to make.

The guilt we see him have in the Kenobi show is more a product of the uncertainty surrounding why Anakin did what he did than it is about Obi-Wan caring too much about Anakin to handle what he did. I think if Obi-Wan had KNOWN about Palpatine, and Padme, and the visions, and how all of those things came together, he might've had an easier time of it. But he knows VERY VERY LITTLE about why Anakin is making the choices he's making, and in that uncertainty, the easiest thing to do is blame HIMSELF. Especially since, at the beginning of the show, he believes Anakin to be dead. In some ways, it might feel easier to blame himself than it is to blame Anakin or even Palpatine. And this ISN'T healthy, but I don't think it's necessarily a problem because he blinds himself to Anakin's faults. His journey at the end is about accepting that he may NEVER know why Anakin did what he did, that there might not have BEEN anything he could've done differently or better to cause a different outcome, and that there is likely nothing he CAN DO to keep Luke and Leia from going down the same path. All he can do is have faith again, faith that he did the right thing by giving Luke and Leia to the Larses and Organas, faith that the Larses and Organas will raise Luke and Leia well, faith that Luke and Leia will not be like Anakin and repeat his mistakes.

Rex is definitely just a product of not knowing the truth. I imagine he'd have a LOT less positive gushy things to say about Anakin if he knew Anakin was the one who betrayed them all and became Darth Vader. I'm STILL waiting for someone to show us Rex's reaction to that because I would maybe DIE to see Rex react to finally discovering that particular truth. With what we do have though, I think Rex is mostly come to peace with what's happened to him. I don't think it's that he's choosing to ignore the things that hurt so much as that he's gotten himself to a place where he CAN just... let himself remember good moments with people he'd cared about. The end of it sucked and there were moments in the middle that sucked, too, but there are still a lot of good memories acquired during the war, good people he'd met, good lessons learned. Rex seems like he's in a pretty healthy place by Rebels, having had to live with the truth about the chips for a while and do what he can to live his life as happily as possible with what's left of his family. He can't do anything to change what happened, so he's let it go. He obviously does still have some PTSD from the war, that's always going to be true, but he genuinely seems like one of the most healthy characters in Rebels despite how shit his life has been.

[empressofthewind]

Analysis of Near's Relationships & Social Skills

fairly long post below the cut :-)

something that i find really interesting about Near's sociability in the manga is the fact that he's immediately presented as a recluse. in his very first scene, he's sitting alone completing a puzzle, and declines Linda's invitation to come outside "for once", without looking up or even remotely entertaining the request. this is backed up by his profile in Volume 13, in which his social skills are rated a 1/10, and it's said that he "keeps human contact to a minimum". yet when we see him throughout the rest of the series, this doesn't really seem to be the case. it's tough to analyse what he's like in typical social situations given that the circumstances under which we see him are quite unique, but he is surrounded by people pretty much 24/7 and seems to be very comfortable in this setting. he frequently asks for the input of his team, he is extremely willing to share his thoughts with them at any given time, and he also empathises with them and encourages them to speak up if they feel uncomfortable at any point (e.g., telling Gevanni he does not have to touch the notebook if he's too scared, and telling the entire team that they are welcome to stay at headquarters if they do not want to risk Mello making contact with them). so it doesn't feel right to say that he's shy or unwilling to talk to others, or that he has limited understanding of/regard for others' feelings; nor does it feel accurate to say that he keeps contact "to a minimum" when it's both shown and confirmed that he functions best with others around him.

the impression i get from him is that he is very willing and able to talk to people, but only when he needs to. he can hold a conversation just fine and he talks a lot when prompted, but he does not engage with people simply for the sake of socialising. he won’t go out of his way to initiate a casual chat just because. he does not conform to social norms, as exhibited by his preference for wearing socks and pyjamas even when meeting the President of the United States, so he won't participate in activities or conversations that he is not interested in just for the sake of earning brownie points with the people involved. he doesn't crave the approval of those around him and would rather be alone than engage in forced social interaction. his manner is also very blunt and he is not above brutal honestly. even his lies are very blunt and bold, such as him pretending that he dialled the wrong number when calling Light to confirm that Mogi was not Kira, or announcing to the task force that Mogi had died - which is a stark contrast to L, who lies often and is generally not upfront about it. i also feel like as much as he is willing and able to articulate his thoughts very clearly and extensively, this isn't necessarily his default. when receiving the news of L's death, for example, his instinct is to remain quiet, and process the information internally before speaking about it. on several occasions during the Kira case, he has to be prompted by the members of the SPK to share his thoughts. so i think it is perhaps reasonable to say he is instinctively a fairly quiet person, but is more than capable of speaking his mind if the need arises.

but despite all of this, i do definitely feel like he prefers having people around him. he's perfectly capable of reaching conclusions on his own, at times even faster than he would be when thinking aloud - case in point, the moment when he deduced that Mikami is X-Kira - so it isn't as though he needs to voice every individual thought. in fact, he doesn't really need to have others in the room with him at all, which is once again exemplified by the X-Kira deduction. but he often chooses to be around his team and voice his thoughts anyway, especially when he has strong opinions about something or someone, such as Kira supporters attempting to break into his hideout, or the president withdrawing his support from the SPK. i also think it's worth mentioning that despite him having been alone when he deduced that Mikami was X-Kira, he did invite both Gevanni and Rester into the room individually to ask for their opinions on who stands out to them from the broadcasts, so he could, in his words, use them as a reference. this suggests that he does not just share his thoughts and ask for input because he feels obligated to do so as a member of a team, but that he deems their contributions worth taking into account. it seems to me that he genuinely values the input and presence of his team and recognises that they are instrumental in solving the case; thus he offers them the courtesy of hearing his thoughts at every stage throughout the case, and explaining the logic behind the duties he needs them to perform for him.

once again, though, it's tough to analyse Near's social skills & habits when looking purely through the lens of his interactions with his employees, and there are limited options to investigate outside of the SPK. one thing that is clear to me, though, is that he draws very clear lines between people he does and doesn't respect, and treats them differently as a result. Light is the best example of a person Near does not respect. even before establishing that Light is Kira, Near has no issues telling him to his face that he and the task force are incompetent. after deducing that Light is Kira, Near is snarky with him, calls him out on his lies, and is the only person in the entirety of Death Note who tells Light to his face that he is a mass murderer, not a God. this ties both into Near's bluntness & honesty and his lack of desire for social approval; he has no interest in pretending to like people he fundamentally does not.

the best example of someone Near does respect, in my opinion, is Mello. Near's relationship with Mello is a particularly interesting case to analyse as an outlier amongst the people he interacts with. Mello is the only person we see him engage with (other than the brief exchange between him and Linda) whom he has history with beyond the Kira case, and who is neither a direct ally nor masquerading as one. Mello is actively working against Near, and thus, in theory, Near has no allegiance to him, nor any reason to be polite to him unless he considers Mello a potential threat whom he needs to be especially sensitive towards - which clearly isn't the case, given he makes no effort to appease Mello when his gun is pointed at Near and instead gives Mello permission to shoot him. so the way he speaks about and to Mello is very notable to me. it's abundantly clear to me that Near likes Mello and has a lot of respect for him. he praises Mello on his ability to get the Death Note before the SPK could, and does not hold Mello's crimes against him. Near talks about Kira and his followers with disdain and condemns them for their crimes, but he vehemently defends Mello, and is very quick to justify Mello's actions. he also went to great lengths to protect Mello by contacting everyone he knew of who had seen Mello’s face, and kept his photo protected for five years.

however, Near also puts very little effort into forming any sort of amicable relationship with Mello, as far as we can tell from canon. he accepts Roger's request for them to work together, but does not complain or attempt to stop Mello when he walks out. he does not console Mello over L's death, either, and he makes no attempt to extend his interactions with Mello later in the manga when Mello visits his headquarters and sends Mogi to him so they can conduct a joint interrogation. he never tries to convince Mello to like him and he doesn’t make a big deal about the effort he has put into protecting him. what this shows, in my opinion, is that if Near does have any interest in befriending and/or working with Mello (the latter of which i think is implied, and the former is more so a matter of interpretation), he does not want to force those relationships. he would be willing to align himself with Mello directly, but he does not want Mello to do so out of any sense of obligation. since Mello has made it clear that he has no interest in working with him, Near does not try to persuade him, and is perfectly comfortable to let him follow his own path if that is what he wishes to do. this could also give context to his apparent lack of friendships at Wammy's House, as specified in Volume 13 - if all of this is true, it's possible that there were others at Wammy's House whom he liked and would have been open to befriending, but because of his unwillingness to take initiative when it comes to forming these relationships, he gave off the impression that he was not interested, and would rather be alone.

[flower-boi16]

Hazbin Hotel Is A Show That Exists

So...after five years of waiting, Hazbin Hotel is finally out. I had very low expectations going to Hazbin - not only because of the current state of Helluva Boss (Its spin-off show) but also because of all the things I was hearing about it from people who saw the leaks - needless to say, it wasn't very positive. I was expecting this show to be a complete disaster on every single level, though deep down, I did want to be excited for this show - as I did used to briefly be a fan of Viv's work until I realized HB's MANY writing issues, so I went in with low expectations, expecting the show to be awful while deep down hoping that MAYBE It'll MAYBE end up being good. And after watching the first four episodes I can say that...

The show isn't awful nor is it that good. It's just...PAINFULLY average. In this post I'm going to give my current thoughts on HH based on the first four episodes that are currently released. Note that these are only my current thoughts on the show - there's a chance that MAYBE the show will improve in the second half of season 1. But for now, here are my current thoughts on the show:

1. The Animation & Visuals

The animation is...fine. The characters definitely look very rigged at times, but the animation is at least pleasant to look at. An issue I have is the camera work - sometimes the camera work can be VERY off at times. The show would constantly cut to different perspectives in some of the scenes and it becomes a headache to look at. It's especially bad at the beginning of the Happy Day In Hell song - where the camera looks like it's having a stroke during the sequence as it constantly cuts to different perspectives a LOT.

That being said - the camera work is mostly fine throughout the rest of the show so it's not too bad. So overall, the animation looks fine. I don't love it, but I don't hate it.

2. The Comedy

The show's comedy is...actually pretty ok. There were a few jokes that got a good laugh out of me, especially in episode 3, the episode that isn't written by Viv, so it therefore is the funniest episode of the show so far. I am surprised by the lack of sex jokes in the show which is at least a plus. That being said, a lot of the jokes in the show don't really land - mainly the ones that Angel Dust makes. So really, the comedy is OK. I don't hate it, but I also don't love it either.

3. Worldbuilding & Plot

So now let's talk about the main plot of the show as well as its world-building. Ok so the main conflict for the show is that due to someone killing an Angel during the last extermination - the exterminations are going to happen twice as fast now (6 months instead of one year). The mystery of what happened to the angel...lasts for about two episodes before we're given an answer in episode 3, and then it's just resolved like that.

Aside from that the series mostly revolves around its premise so far which is good. Alright, now lets talk about the lore and worldbuilding - basically Lucifer used to be an angel in Hevean but was seen as a trouble maker and Adam demanded that Lilith fuck him (or something Idk Idr) and Lucifer and Lilith fell in love blah blah blah Lucifer gave an apple to his new lover Eve blah blah blah the apple was cursed blah blah blah the apple created hell blah blah blah It sent evil to the world and Hevean was pissed about that so they banished them to hell blah blah blah Lucifer became sad blah blah blah Lilith didn't blah blah blah Hevean started doing exterminations because they were afraid of Hell's power.

(Semi-accurate description of the opening exposition dump). Ok so a few things; 1) I already asked this in another post but why did Hell never choose to fight back against Heaven when Heaven shouldn't have any power over hell because Hell was a realm created by Lucifer? Also, why does Heaven even have any power over Hell to begin with? and 2) So Heaven is eeeevil now and is going to kill all of Hell. Like I already said, it would have been more interesting if Heaven wasn't evil, and it also would've been better than this Hevean v Hell war we're probably going to get in the finale.

They even changed the reasoning to why Heaven started doing the exterminations, instead of it being because of an overpopulation problem now it's because Heaven was afraid of Hell's power...

...which contradicts the pilot which is canon to the series. But then the show just goes back to the overpopulation problem as the reason for the exterminations???? Like??? Which is it, is it because Heaven is evil or because of an overpopulation problem??? PICK ONE!!!

Hell is also kinda boring of a setting, it's just our world except red. That's it. So the lore and worldbuilding is kinda eh, Heaven is just evil cuz ofc it is and the lore has some problems. Its funny to how one of the lyrics of Adam's big villain song is "its all black and white", and since Adam is the bad guy and Charlie's goal is to redeem sinners, the show is trying to go for a "it's NOT black and white" message, but that's kinda ironic considering that this Heaven/Hell conflict is very black and white in it of itself; Hell good Heaven evil. That's it. Not saying black-and-white conflicts with a good guy and a bad guy are bad, most shows can make them work and be interesting, but Heaven would have been more interesting if it wasn't evil, at least IMO.

4. The Voice Actors

A lot of the discourse surrounding Hazbin until its release was the new voice actors. Let me just say I don't dislike the voice actors here; I think they are fine and they fit the characters decently well. Their singing is also decent as well. So I don't dislike any of the voices, they are fine for the most part and fit decently well with the characters.

5. The Songs

The songs so far are...fine. If there was one thing that HB consistently got right, it was the songs. Even if I dislike HB, the songs are actually pretty good (for the most part...). Hazbin's songs are...decent. There aren't any songs that I can say are bad, though I have some issues with the show's music; mainly the fact that the show sometimes shoves in songs...for the sake of having a song.

If you want to make a musical with songs you need to make sure each song has a distinct purpose for the story; take "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid. Before this song, it's pretty easy to infer that Ariel has an interest in the surface world - with her collecting human stuff and all. But the song further shows us her desire to see the surface - to see what it's like above water. It shows her desire to see the surface in the form of a song - it has a purpose within the story because it tells you something about the character.

Hazbin Hotel meanwhile sometimes has a problem when it comes to shoving in songs for the sake of meeting the song quota; the two biggest examples are "Hell is Forever" and "Respectless", as well as "Whatever It Takes". These songs are all completely unnecessary and they give us information that could have been communicated through simple dialogue rather than characters bursting out singing.

"Respectless" in particular feels less like a song and more like the characters just...singing a conversation with each other. The song is completely unnecessary and is just there to fill the song quota per episode. None of the songs I've mentioned are necessarily bad, but they suffer from being unneeded (HB also sometimes has this problem in season 2 mainly in episodes 3, 4, and 7).

Aside from that issue - the songs are...fine. None of them are bad but some of them are kinda useless and don't serve much of a purpose. I at least liked Happy Day in Hell and Poison, aside from that most of the songs are...ok. I just don't find most of them that memorable.

6. The Characters

Now, let's talk about the characters. First I'll talk about the main cast then the villains.

Charlie - I think Charlie's...fine. I always like overly positive and happy characters for protagonists so I was going to like Charlie anyway. She's fine; she's easy to root for and she's likable enough.

Vaggie - Vaggie's also fine. I do like her snark in episode 3, but aside from that there isn't much that interesting about her.

Nifty - Nifty's cute. Nifty's funny. I like Nifty.

Angel Dust - sigh Ok so I didn't like Angel Dust in episode 1 because of the fact he was another character whose one character trait is being excessively horny. And I also find all his jokes painfully unfunny. I'm not really in a position to judge how well his abuse from Val was handled so since I held a poll asking SA victim's thoughts on episode 4 and most of them voted no I'll just say that they didn't handle it very well and move on. So ya don't care for Angel Dust.

Alastor - Ah yes the creepy radio demon. He's also fine, I like his whole style and stuff.

Husk - Husk's whole purpose in the first three episodes is pretty much just to be pissed off at stuff, I kinda liked the scene where he talked to Angel Dust in episode 4 but aside from that, Husk is kinda just..fine...like everyone in this main cast.

Now let's talk about the villains so far!

Adam - Don't care for him. Sigh look Adam could be an entertaining villain but so far his dialogue and jokes are just painfully unfunny and I don't care for him as a villain. I could talk about his sidekick whose name I forgot but she's gotten so little screen time I can't form an opinion on her yet.

Also isn't it funny how HH was meant to be a female-focused show yet the males get more focus so far (As I've already talked about)? Ya, I thought so too. Anyways, the characters are...fine. I don't hate any of them, but I also don't really love any of them either. None of them are that interesting so far to me.

That's pretty much what I can say about everything in this show so far; I don't hate the animation but I don't love it either, I don't hate the comedy but I don't love it either, I don't hate the songs but I don't love them either, I don't hate any of the characters but I don't love them either.

7. Conclusion

So, that's my current thoughts on HH based on the first four episodes. Well...it's certainly a show that I watched. It's amazing to me how a show could be so consistently painfully average in pretty much EVERYTHING, from the animation to the songs to the comedy to the characters, to the episodes themselves, Hazbin Hotel is the most painfully average show I've watched so far. It's not bad so far, but it isn't good either. Again, maybe the show will improve when the latter half of season 1 comes out...

...or it will just get worse. I'm expecting the latter unfortunately due to the trailers making it look like there's going to be a Heaven/Hell war which means the show is probably going to abandon its premise like its spin-off (...that came before the main show was released). But ya, Hazbin Hotel is painfully average so far, probably a 6/10 so far, expecting the show to probably get worse, goodbye.