#this isn't a negative post i promise

[prophecydungeon]

not quite to the date (yet) but ten years ago i posted a fic that is somehow still sitting on the front page of results by kudos and by bookmarks for the most popular ship in the most popular fandom on AO3 and i still don't know how that happened.

like... really genuinely truly i don't know what kind of WILD perfect-storm-level shit was going on to make this happen. the original post got eleven whole notes here on tungle (yeah i checked lmao). i am not, actually, a very Doing Numbers blogger or writer, nor had i ever been, nor will i ever be. as far as i know, there wasn't any wildass six degrees of separation thing that happened where someone very Doing Numbers made it Do Numbers. i didn't "advertise" it or anything (ppl who make fic graphics and have a posting/rbing/rting schedule.. i could never lmao), i didn't post it on every site known to man, i didn't tag it to hell, i didn't really do anything. it just fucking happened. and it's still happening!!! and i am just so fucking baffled. how did this happen. why are there people making tiktoks about this fic in the year of our lord 2022. how??????

i have a lot of very complicated feelings about this fic, with a lot of them boiling down to just, like, brain chemicals being very stupid, and i know that logically it's just brain chemicals gone bad! but it's still hard to shake ten (10!) years of feeling like my growth in writing is being constantly undercut by this thing that's created its own gravity well to keep sucking in kudos and comments when just about everything i've written since has been Better™ (which again, logically, i know is untrue -- i write for fandoms now that are relatively VERY small lol so of course nothing is ever going to Do Numbers again like this)

this fic was something i wrote after a very difficult-to-process series of events, so it was complete and utter wish fulfillment and it felt so good to write. the flip side of this, which in retrospect really soured the fic for me, is that i tried my damndest to live out the life i wrote in this fic. i went to grad school for linguistics two years later and TA'd, Just Like The Fic. it was supposed to be great! and those turned out to be the two most miserable years of my life. maybe not specifically because i was trying to live a daydream, but that disparity didn't help (though my friends certainly did). so in a way, aeiw is this image of a failed dream -- i'm not in linguistics as a field, not even remotely, and i likely never will be; i don't want to ever go back to academia, even though i will likely need to get another masters (derogatory) in my current field at some point.

BUT. i promised that this is not a negative post so i will pivot here to say very genuinely that i am so, so grateful to all the friendships and good times this fic has brought me. thank you to all the people i met because of this fic or while writing it. thank you to everyone who's gotten to know me for totally different reasons/fandoms/etc and then been like WAIT A SECOND. (it's so funny, every time.) thank you to everyone who's ever left kudos and said a kind word. (i still get kudos emails nearly every day just for this fic.)

and thank you to the incredibly beautiful personal anecdotes people have left on this fic, holy shit. i have a folder in my email for those specifically. here are some excerpts from comments that made me tear up:

Hey, so...you probably don't still read comments on this fic because it's so old and so wildly popular*, but I hope you see this. [...] I just started my first year of University as a Linguistics major, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't have figured out what I wanted to study had I never read this fic. I've always had trouble with school, and struggled to find subjects that weren't wildly difficult or insanely boring-until Linguistics. Now, I'm excited to learn and pursue my degree-maybe even a master's eventually. I just wanted to say thank you for this sweet story that stuck with me for all of these years, and helped me find what I want to do.

*i do. i read every single comment. every single one.

[...] Reading this, I don't understand how anyone could say that you, the writer, did this alone and will only ever be alone for this story.** I mean, we're separated by computer screens, but I feel that I was transported into your story in a way that transcends what is expected of the written word. Maybe this is my biased opinion as someone who has grown up in a secondary orality culture, but I just had to let you know that this story was more than the written word is often perceived to be. If that makes sense. I felt like I was there, getting the story and so caught up that I couldn't stop reading. And you might not be the narrator, but you're essentially god and you breathed life into these characters and I'm so in awe of you. You make it seem so easy! What's worse is I know it's not, so here I am, seeing something unfold with what looks like practiced ease when I know just how much work you've put into writing to get you to this point. I'm so proud of you! And it feels silly to say but I am, and I wanted you to know. [...]

**this is one of the most incredible things anyone has ever said to me.

[...] I first read this a long time ago (at least 6 years) when I was really Going Through It and this fic - specifically Dean - really resonated with me.*** It gave me an inkling (pun intended) of hope. And it was the first positive representation of tattoos that I'd seen. I started planning tattoos I wanted soon after reading this, using them the way Dean does in this to identify the important and best things in my life and figure out how to represent them and always have them with me. I just got my third done and I love all of them. So thank you for the impact that you've had on my life, and for writing such a wonderful story.

***i was really Going Through It as well. i'm doing great now and i hope you are too.

thank you to past me for writing this fic and finishing something "long" (lol..... lmao). thank you to past me for writing unabashed wish fulfillment, something i would lose the capability to do for a long time (dw, i got it back). thank you to this fic for irrevocably fucking up my AO3 statistics.

so anyways, ten years on i'm doing great. new career. new gender. new fursona. i live in a super cool area. i got like seven anime figures of this one horrendous guy. my sick tattoos have gotten even sicker. here's a portrait of the author for good measure:

and here are some fun facts about the fic that idr if i've ever shared before:

the scene at the very end where cas goes to get tattooed by dean? my beta wrote that for me. yes, the whole scene. thank you.

i don't remember who it was that carried a bike up some stairs but i always hefted my bike up onto my shoulder when walking it up my outside stairs so i pictured whoever that was doing it too (and i still have that bike! i refurb'd it last year!)

i think i own every vinyl i mentioned... i think

i definitely own led zeppelin's entire discography on vinyl

i finally bought a pair of rough-faced amethyst plugs for myself, something like two years ago? took me a while to get there

that sex scene was in there because i felt like i "had to" include one lmaoooo i had no idea what i was doing and i've written way better p*rn since then

when i turned 24 i did actually listen to 4 + 20 by csny first thing in the morning

soooo much of the tattoo and piercing stuff was so fucking pretentious of me.... but really, be thorough when looking for piercers and tattoo artists, stay safe, there are a lot of great resources out there

i actually pretty legitimately don't like showing my tattoos irl just because people can be really annoying/weird but i also just enjoy wearing long pants and long sleeves lol

...also yeah i do dress Like That. unironically.

some things i have written since then that i am very proud of:

P vs NP, RvB

the more i run (the farther away it seems), destiny

quema, bleach

in the details (not the devil), haikyuu!!

apsidial precession, destiny

and so in conclusion........ thank you. but i'm still baffled.

[starsweepers]

being a multimuse with popular/well known canons, lesser known canons, and original characters is knowing you can post your popular canons once every few weeks and they'll still get adored but spending every single day playing salesperson trying to get people interested in the less popular and ocs

[pentition]

Side note. I kind of wish Pathea treated its romance options evenly across the board. Their romances make up a large portion of peoples engagement with the games, so it's a bit frustrating when one gets less and one gets more.

(Spoilers mentioned below)

My Portia Builder went in blind on Aadit. Welp. After that fell apart, she married Antoine. Why? Because strangely enough he ended up the first bff my Builder had due to seeing one another daily. So best friend to romance just clicked post-Aadit fuckery. But the lack of attention given to Antoine bugs me to this day.

And Pen. Same thing. Which was weird, because I remember seeing he was listed in the EA as someone generating a lot of attention. So I thought we'd get more romance stuff with him. Thankfully, I can shamelessly plug the Pen's Marriage mod or Free Pen to help soothe my soul after getting wrecked back to back by Pathea. I'll never stop thanking the modding community for cooking so good with the Pen-related mods. (Please thank and give love to the creators, too!)

I understand the importance of generating hype and making romance options as goals on a Kickstarter tier. I just hope they grow out of the core romances vs not core romances. It could be argued people like Aadit and Pen should be core romances, due to the plot. The fact that they aren't is just, hrrm, okay. But can we at least get some of that money donated over to evening out all the romance options? Why does it have to be a game of favorites? I get it's easier for allocating funding but like. I've seen plenty of fans who didn't care about Logan, for instance. Or don't care about Amirah. I see fans who adore Catori's arc but they get little for it and it doesn't seem fair.

I just don't understand why funding to create equal content for the romance options isn't a priority, when the majority of engagement I see regarding the My Time series is about the romance options themselves.

[birb-tangleblog]

🧂🗣️

“Cass is an Oh Cee, new character bad” is such a rancid take to me.

"OC" isn't (REALLY SHOULDN'T BE) derogatory.

Literally all characters are someone's original idea at one point... their original character. And for any show or big project, it doesn't reflect the feedback and contributions from other artists and writers that shape the character into what they become.

"Takes" like this blame everything bad about the show on Cass' inclusion and creation, and suggest that w/o her the writing would've been free of problems it had- usually paradoxically maintaining all other side chars, plot elements, and aesthetic choices the person opining liked.

Do you think Cass' arc is so poorly executed that you can't like her at all, even as a concept? Or are you big mad that she took up screentime that should've been 'given' to your fav or favs?

Be honest, but also- writing isn't a zero sum game!! The series' problems are much deeper than Cass' shoddy villain arc!!

Literally just say you hate her and move on.

And also, 1 more thing, b/c I've noticed these reads tend to go together- having this attitude towards Cass is honestly fundamentally incompatible w/ being a fan of 7Kay to me.

'Cass is a creator’s pet who stole the moonstone spotlight from my fav(s)... but D*sney totally should have greenlit this OC/Canon spinoff featuring the creators' pet blorbo and a bunch of other randos with nothing to do with the original!'

Like???

Ik I'm yelling at clouds in a tiny fandom but man...

[yuichiroswife]

{ Ah yes, the "I'm suddenly remembering my ex-fiancé and miss him because us splitting up was my fault for being anxious about moving in together" feeling slapping me in the face at like... 10:39 PM is exactly what I need on top of all the natural sadness I feel about my daily life. Thank you, brain.

That aside, I hope that y'all had a good Thanksgiving or whatever it is that you celebrate where you're from or even just had a good day if you don't celebrate anything. }

[morningmask27]

Hey so, do you ever feel.. Iffy? Bad? Disappointed? That the Fandom at large only became interested in whistlepaw thanks to faer ship with Frostpaw? I admittedly was feeling a bit like that when the ship first started popping up, although I understand that Whis is quite a background character aside from that (and up until then, more or less). So like I get why fae would gain more traction only now but Idk. I can't help but feel a little sad about it since you've made me develop an attachment to this cat. Just curious about your thoughts on the matter!

I get chronically attached to background nobodies, so I'm used to people not really caring about my faves and I honestly like it more that way because popular characters are A Mess of discourse and drama,

but yeah it is a bit sad that Whis is only really seen as a love interest for Frostpaw in the major fandom, but in a way that's also what fae is in the books. Whistlepaw does nothing outside of supporting Frostpaw (and that annoys me So Much for daily whis purposes, I want more material!!!) and I can't blame the fans for not latching onto background WindClan cat #78 and making up a whole world around them

in the end the fandom portrayal is kinda bland, but inoffensive at least. I made Whistlepaw my little silly and have never really cared about the fandom at large; Fae's basically my oc at this point and if a few people enjoy what I do then I'm content

[albino-parakeet]

I'm so sorry to people who I'm mutuals with from one specific interest, I gotta be so annoying jumping from one thing to the next.

Like I wouldn't blame you if you've got everything muted EXCEPT for the one thing you originally followed me for.

Just know I still absolutely love all of them still. It's just on rotation in my mind. Like a roulette wheel.

[thisismyobsessionnow]

.

[cripplecharacters]

Does Your Scarred Character Have to Hate Themself?

[large text: Does Your Scarred Character Have to Hate Themself?]

(TLDR: no. literally no.)

A frequent topic that shows up around facial differences is the self-hatred, self-disgust, self-insert-negative-emotion that we must surely experience. I want to ask* writers without FDs - why? Why do you feel about us in such a way that that's the most common way of depicting us?

*- rhetorical question. I promise I know the answers, but I'm not sure if writers do.

It's frankly worrying to me. Is it really that common to assume that disabled people have this internal, never-ending hatred for themselves? The overwhelming majority of us don't. We hate inaccessibility, when people stare, or some symptoms when they get in the way, or how expensive being disabled is, but I find the concept of us being so completely disturbed by our own disabilities extremely strange. It’s “tragedy porn” intersecting “most basic ableism”.

“But trauma!”

[large text: “But trauma!”]

Trauma of what! People with facial differences don't have some sort of default trauma that we come with like it’s a factory setting. We are a group of people with tens of thousands of stories and experiences!

“Trauma of experiencing ableism/disfiguremisia” - that's better, at least this means something. If you're writing a story about this, please get a sensitivity reader with a facial difference. You can assume how we feel all you want, but in my experience these assumptions are often bizarre and unrealistic. Or just end up writing the same “disability so sad” sob story that everyone has seen a billion times. If you want to write about disfiguremisia, you need to understand the nuance and have more than just the basic level knowledge (which 99% of people don’t have either). If you can’t do that, don’t write about it. Simple as that.

“Trauma of the accident” - thankfully, the accident is an event and a facial difference is a disability. If you want to connect these two like they're one and the same, you're almost surely going to demonize disability. People with traumatic spinal cord injuries, acquired amputees, people with TBI, people with acquired facial differences - we participate in our communities, we have hobbies, we date, we play with our dogs. Disability isn't a death sentence. Media who make it feel like it is certainly don't help people who do suddenly become disabled, don't you think?

Here's a post by @blindbeta about blind characters becoming blind through trauma that’s better made than anything I could hope to write here. I heavily recommend giving it a read.

And, I can't stress this enough - most of us didn't have “the accident”, most of us are born like this! "Traumatic scars" isn't the only facial difference that exists, far from it, it's only one of thousands. It's 99% of our representation and "representation". If you want to make a character with FD - please consider that we aren't a monolith. Just like not all physical disabilities are "wheelchair user with paralysis", not all facial differences are "traumatic scar with somehow no nerve damage".

The overrepresentation of it is incredibly telling, and sometimes - or very frequently - feels like the writer doesn’t actually even want to deal with us. They want to use our disability as a way to cheap drama, moral metaphors, tragic backstories. Not to represent us as living people who are much more similar to you than you apparently think.

Now, I do have enough awareness to know that that's a big part of the appeal. “Horrific Thing #2456 happens” and boom, instant drama! Of course, it's a reasonable response that they would hide their disability for years, avoid talking about it in any way, and magically change their personality to be mean and reclusive, or at least be constantly soooo sad about how much it sucks to be disabled, right?

Do I really need to say that having your character becoming disabled be the worst thing ever is ableism 101? We have been talking about this for so long at this point. Writing about the process of adapting to a specific disability is better left to people who have actual experience in it.

To give an example that will hopefully resonate more with Tumblr users, I will use the fact that I'm also gay. It's not perfect by any means but probably much more familiar territory.

Imagine, let's say, a character. He's gay. The story he's in is supposedly progressive, certainly not trying to be homophobic. The character has experienced an incident, maybe an act of aggression or a hate crime, that happened because he’s gay, which was traumatic. Happens IRL, sure. So of course the character starts hating being gay. He talks about how gross and disgusting it is, he never lets anyone know that he could be “one of them”, certainly not take a stance against homophobia. You can't mention him without mentioning the accident, they're seemingly fused together. No gay love, joy, even basic happiness, he would actually choose to be straight in a heartbeat if given the option to and complains that he can't. This is shown as a neutral, obvious thing that a gay man would do, no one comments on it. He stays like this the whole time, unless there’s a plot twist in the last 10 pages where the world is now magically perfect ("we fixed discrimination, yay!"). This is the only LGBT character in the story.

Keep in mind that there are people similar to this in real life, living with extreme internalized homophobia.

Is this, in your opinion, realistic and thoughtful representation? How does it feel when written by a cishet writer, versus a gay writer who is recalling his experiences? Do you think that it's reasonable for the majority of media representation to be like this, or very close to it? How would it affect younger gay people who might already be uncomfortable with being queer? Are gay men the target audience, or are they not even considered as a group of people who read books? Is this helping or damaging the general public's idea of how it is to be gay? Why or why not?

The Masterpiece

[large text: The Masterpiece]

From 13 to 19 of May, we are celebrating Face Equality week (what a coincidence!). It’s important to me in general - and I wish it was more important to abled people, but I digress - especially its theme for this year.

“My Face is a Masterpiece”

Great statement, it represents the community well, I do enjoy how bold it is. Very cool stuff, I love the work our advocates are doing!

But why do I bring this up?

Well, to very non-subtly show that we aren’t a self-hating group of people. We are a community, a community saying “our faces are beautiful, look!”, we are saying “treat us equally, and do it now!”. Our activism isn’t about self-disgust. It’s about fighting your-disgust. 

Why can’t writers keep up? Why are you still stuck decades behind?

Is this the only reason I bring it up?

The Call to Celebration

[large text: The Call to Celebration]

FEI, the org behind organizing it, asks a very simple question (emphasis mine):

“Why do we so often see stories about facial difference as a ‘tragedy’, when they should be about triumph?” “Calling all artists, allies, creatives, galleries.  You can rewrite the story to bring about #FaceEquality and celebrate the unique artistry found in every face. Your participation this #FaceEqualityWeek will help to tell the real story, that there is a masterpiece in every face.”

Here. We are calling for you to stop. Directly from the biggest international advocacy alliance group that's out there. If you create, this is for you.

The last argument to not have your character with a facial difference hate themselves? Because we don’t want this. We are tired and frustrated. For me personally, I’m also offended by this kind of assumption. We aren’t tragedies or cheap entertainment for abled people to pity or be horrified by. We are people, and if you can’t internalize that, you have no reason to write about us.

For once, celebrate us. Happy Face Equality Week!

mod Sasza

[fiapple]

not to be mean, but if you've never had a restrictive ed or bdd then maybe just stop talking about body checking? 90% of the time you lot have no clue what you're talking about, and as someone who's struggled with those issues a majority of my life, the misinformation it spreads can be really damaging to people who are sick regardless of their recovery status.

(please read op tags before you decide to argue, thanks)

[tarotofhope]

PAC: ♡ Channelled Love Songs from your Current/Future Romantic Partner ♡

(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)

Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.

(You can find all the songs mentioned in the Piles on SPOTIFY. Unfortunately Tumblr only allows 10 audio links per post🥲)

Pile 1

Songs - Aaya Jado Da by Asees Kaur

Screen Time by Epik High ft. Hoshi

Don't Forget To Breathe by Aaryan Shah

Welcome to your reading, Pile 1. First of all, lot of green ink occured in your pile. Your partner seems very caring, nurturing and protective of you. They might be a very caring and loving person themselves, very protective of their belongings and loved ones. They like to have a quick check on you(like not in a toxic or negative way). They want to know you better and your little quirks. They genuinely care about your well being. They might be very cautious, structured, organised individual, a fitness freak as well. They seem kind of very picky, they don't open up to just anybody, they might have very few close friends. They're mostly not interested in flings and one-night stands. They take relationships seriously so they'll only jump into it when they see some real value in it. This person is like a 'husband/wife material' person or atleast a long term partner. This also seems like a long distance relationship to me or getting into a relationship after a series of personal hardships when you've become very mature either age-wise or experience-wise.

So, that's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1.

Hope you're with this person or find this person soon 😉

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌸🌼🌻

Pile 2

Songs - Talk About Love by Callum Beattie

Seven- Clean Version by Jungkook

Tenu Khabar Nahi by Arijit Singh

Welcome to your reading, Pile 2. Have you guys currently been in separation or broken up with your partner? This could be a recent past energy as well. See, now this also looks like an ex's energy(I don't like to go into this topic because it creates unnecessary confusion but it appeared in the reading so I had to) and whether ex or not, if you strictly don't want this person back into your life, you must then very well know that you've ended up for good and you don't need to allow this person back or this pile totally isn't for you, you should select another pile. One thing is prominent though, one of you has done something bad to the another person..and that was the main reason for your guys' separation. I'm nobody to judge you guys, you know yourselves better. Well, whoever this person is, they want to reconcile with you or you're currently reconciling already. It could be a different case for everyone choosing this pile. It could be so that this person or both of you might still have feelings for each other. This person wants to make things better or do things right. There is a promise of not making the same mistakes again. This person is asking for another chance. Now, you need to decide for yourselves, what's good for you and what's not. It's totally up to you.

That's all I see in the cards for you, my dear Pile 2.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌸🌼🌻

Pile 3

Songs - Tera Mera Hai Pyar Amar by Ahmed Jahanzeb

I'm Gonna Love You by D.O. ft. Wonstein

Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley

Welcome to your reading, Pile 3. This person looks so in love. But more so, this person is very sure of you, there feelings are very intense, too. As they are saying, that it's so easy to fall in love with you, either it's a love at first sight situation or there is a certain clarity about choosing you/about wanting to continue further with you. Nothing can change their mind about you. They are giving me strong future spouse energy because they just want to take you away as soon as possible. So, they'll be very assertive in their approach towards you in the courtship period itself. I also think that they'll be the first one to approach you if you've not met this person already. They'll make sure that you know they are not just fooling around, that you're in for a very long ride. They'll also want to make sure that you too, feel the same way for them before going very far because they want it all or nothing. They'll definitely try to win your heart over, Pile 3.

That's all I got for you, dear Pile 3.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌼🌸🌻

Pile 4

Songs - Young And Beautiful by Lana Del Rey

Every Second by Baekhyun from EXO (Record of

Youth OST- 3)

Aadat Se Majboor by Benny Dayal

Welcome to your reading, Pile 4. This person might be a heart-throb. Popular person energy(for their work or looks). Everybody swoons over them. Their energy is quite charming and charismatic. They are bold, fun loving and outgoing, life of the party kind of person. You both might be quite the opposite of each other. They will be very confident in their approach. They might just be nervous about how to woo you because you are different from others and they don't want to make any mistake. They don't want to look like a creep. If you've already met this person or in a relationship, you know. They are someone who'll totally make a fool out of themselves to make you laugh. They love to see you smile and laugh but also, you don't laugh a lot, it seems. There seems to be a lot of people who are sexually attracted to them, but they choose you because you are special to them, you're not like the others according to them. They might've got their heart broken a couple times earlier due to which they're afraid of losing you but that's not going to be the case because they're sure of one thing that you're very firm in your decisions, rock solid and you won't run away when life gets bad. You guys are going to be like a power couple, each helping the other person where they are lacking, each completing the other.

So, that's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌻🌼🌸

Pile 5

Pile 5

Songs - Lover by Taylor Swift

Spider By Hoshi

Tere Mast Mast Do Nain by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

Welcome to your reading, Pile 5. Your person seems very Venusian(very lovey-dovey, full of charm, likes fine art) and Neptunian(very dreamy) to me, a hopeless romantic even. Some of you might also be attracted to Pile 4, because this pile has got some similar vibes. They are magnetic, could also be popular for something that they do, something that only they create. They have a good taste in music as well, could be a musician or they like to play musical instruments. Dancing and singing could be their hobby or talent. They are also someone who knows flirting like the back of their hand. It comes naturally to them, sometimes they don't even know that they're flirting. They might also like good food and fine-dining, might also love to cook. You might not like this person in the beginning because you think they're a flirt and they don't look serious, but you'll eventually start liking them because they're not what they seem from the outside. It is giving me the vibes of 'One fell in love first, but the other one fell harder.' Their heart is so pure and innocent. They'll woo you with their heart, Pile 5. You seem like a tough nut to crack to them, someone who's hard to get. I also think you've got pretty eyes and a resting b**** face. They love it. There's going to be a playful banter between you guys. Everything will be worth it in the end.

So, that's all I've got for you, my dear Pile 5.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌻🌼🌸

Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.

———————————♡ ♡ ♡———————————

[lukolabrainrot]

I went and rewatched all the interviews and there is just no way those songs and the Milk t-shirt photo was not about Luke. Here are my thoughts about what happened, let me know what you think!

Also, yes, it's entirely delulu but...

*N/L had a casual situationship after filming S3, but eventually both want to be sure that their feelings weren't directly related to being in such close proximity for so long. N pulls away because she's not sure that what they felt was the real deal and wants space to figure that out. L (being someone who prefers being in a relationship, finds A). They have a casual situationship. A knows about N/L's situationship.

*In Nov/Dec A and L's situationship gets more serious so N realizes that perhaps it was what was supposed to happen and (since she is guarded and a little jaded about love) focuses on her career and the upcoming WT.

*The WT comes and BAM! those feelings between L/N are back again and they're full force and too hard to ignore.

*L/N have a discussion about their situation and things...happen. *L/N decide that once the WT ends, they're going to pursue a relationship, likely a serious one based on N's family's reaction to meeting L in Ireland (come on, no one responds like that to meeting a co-star!) and the ring N had custom-made, a ring (that looks to have hands with rings that L wears)! This isn't a subtle sign. This ring was custom-made and listed on Chupi's website as an engagement ring (which the engagement part was later removed...another interesting tidbit) and N liked AND favorited a TT (accidentally) that talks about this ring being an engagement ring!! Whether that's the case or not, I believe 100% that L bought her that ring. I also believe the plan was ALWAYS for them to come back to each other (not only because of the song choice she posted with the lyrics 'I'll wait for you') but the fact that N wore this ring in the 'in a relationship' status since the moment she received it. THAT is telling!

*A finds out that things between L/N have heated up and she's upset (Brazillian Bob haircut era) even though L likely attempted to end things with her multiple times, but she won't go away. She confronts L and threatens to go to the media about him wronging her. And since no one knows the BTS situation between L/N, this could make them both look very bad and affect their careers. So they play along and L promises to help A launch her career by continuing their situationship. L gives A conditions though - he doesn't want to be in any photos where it could look like they're a couple. He doesn't mind if there is the assumption they are together, because he is hoping to just ride this thing out and then make a clean cut from A. He will also not publicly claim her, as all of them know that L/N are end game. Because A is who she is (and seeks media attention) she agrees to these terms, but believes she can change L's mind. This is what we see in her taunting N because she's extremely jealous of her. This is also why we see papgate happen and L's comment (we won't let her ruin our night - imo this was to N about A). A (imo) made papgate happen to prolong their relationship and publicly claim L so that she could control the narrative. Which is why L looks so pissed in the photos. Now this prolongs the ability to cut things off cleanly because the entire world has seen A.

*We see some (most) of the fandom react negatively to the papgate situation, which left everyone confused as to why N was coming to L's defense on instagram (since the majority of us KNEW what we saw between the two of them was genuine) and this was a slap in the face to N to bring A to the premiere. But what we didn't know is that she came to his defense because she KNEW the plan all along and knew that A was trying to split them up and foil their plans to eventually be together.

*L/N discuss what happened and there are some hurt feelings and they disagree on how to handle the situation. And we see their frustration with N's SATC TT she posted and quickly deleted and their lack of sm likes/etc. between the two. I think there was a lot more going on BTS that we didn't know about during this timeframe. Maybe N decided to take a break from things because of what happened and because she's focusing on her career and this caused a rift between them. Or L is just biding his time with A while N turns the other way. Either way, they're not together this summer and L looks absolutely miserable with A. My guess is that papgate and A came between them temporarily (A's plan the whole time).

*But then we get Italy. At this point, L and A have been 'together' doing stuff (always shown in friend groups, never alone together) as part of their earlier agreement. A is pulling out all the stops to win L, but he's not responding. A is frustrated and things take a drastic turn in Italy.

*After Italy, we see L's whole friend group (A, S and R) all stop posting and go virtually quiet. We see N's french toast pic (maybe this is a nod to her cooking things for L or maybe she just wanted to post it. We don't know). But then we get the Scrabble pic with the 'HeyA' etc...we also see N post two songs in quick secession with the lyrics "it's nice to hear your voice again, it's been a long time..." If this was about JD, why would she post that? She's been hanging out with him on/off through out the entire summer. The other song is about opening herself up and the other person knowing N entirely. If that's not L, I don't know what would be. He's seen her about her most vulnerable. And THEN we get the Milk t-shirt photo. Which, imo, is a direct tie-back to references to Tomdaya. She knows that we know she follows them and has mentioned them in interviews. There would be no reason for her to post this (Johnny's charity for this was in June). She knew we'd connect the dots and imo, she was soft-launching L and preparing us for what was to come. And after going back through the interviews, there is just no way anyone could convince me that she fell head over heels with him (JD) after looking at L the way she did and wearing a ring (that she's mentioned is related to her time in Bton and has the ring fingers with L's rings!) in the relationship status since she's received it. Why would she use this ring to denote that she's in a relationship with anyone else? Wouldn't that be a little strange?

*But a lot is going on between L and A and his disentanglement from her and to distract from their situation, N starts posting other pics (notice how there are none of JD on her grid and JD mostly likes the ones of L and N together?)

*We see N go to a festival with friends. The paps claim she's with JD. I firmly believe that JD is a friend and nothing more. I say this for a few reasons - no one batted an eye when we saw N pop up around town with JD earlier this summer, she's typically private about her relationships, she has no pics of him on her grid (look at the tons she has of L) and there are questions about who JD's dated in the past. BUT, since this is convenient for both of them atp, N is going to run with it. This is the perfect opportunity to detract from what is really going on BTS. And this is exactly how N wants it until things are completely resolved with A. Meanwhile, L is laying low and dealing with the disentanglement (which may or may not involve legalities at this point). DM backtracks (not out of any favor to N) but maybe because she's received inside info and she's not being paid by A to build a narrative anymore (yes, that's entirely speculation).

IMO, we just have to wait a few and we'll see L and N come out as a couple.

Um I LOVE THIS LEVEL OF DELULU, TYYYY! ❤️️

I agree with a lot of this as well!

[lampochkaart]

DRV3 Infinity Train AU

Some time ago I finaly watched Infinity Train. Guys it's so good, it's insane. I highly recommend watching it, it's very good, and not too long (you can basically finish it all in one day).

But, to the point of this post, obviously I thought about crossover fusion with DRV3.

I wasn't sure if it would be better to make it a separate AU or if the AU events would take place after the end of drv3. But I was interested in the last option, because I think there would be interesting dynamics in the victim-killer pairs of each chapter. Below I will write a little about my thoughts about this AU (and there are also drawings of each pair)

❗Spoilers for all DRV3 and also a bit for Infinity Train

So, to the AU itself.

The characters get onto the Train after the Killing Game (I don’t know if all simultaneously or by chapter). They come in pairs (or trio in one case) and are linked by the same number. In order to lower their number and get off the Train — perhaps thus getting a second chance at life (that's not how the Train actually works, but I rearranged the concept a little for the sake of this AU. And anyway, it's not like the Train isn't kinda a supernatural phenomenon already, so whatever) — they need to not only solve their personal problems, but also problems with each other. That is why they are paired victim with killer, they have a lot to think about. Different pairs are in different parts of the Train, but they can sometimes cross paths with each other.

They appear looking how they were in the moment of their death. They don't have wounds, but if some parts of their costume is missing or damaged it will stay that way.

I also gave everyone numbers according to their meanings (that I partially found on internet, partialy just made up based on vibes, so I can't promise accuracy). Characters' numbers don't have to have all the listed meanings, usually it's just some of them

Number meanings:

1. Positive: leadership, confidence, ambition. Negative: dominance, overconfidence, self-absorption.

2. Positive: cooperation, attentiveness, support. Negative: duplicity, cunning, cowardice.

3. Positive: optimism, creativity, sociability. Negative: childishness, superficiality, intrusiveness.

4. Positive: stability, calm, caution. Negative: dogmatism, passivity, mistrust.

5. Positive: freedom, sensuality, adventurousness. Negative: impulsiveness, haste, intolerance.

6. Positive: solicitude, responsibility, devotion. Negative: bossiness, overprotection, guilt.

7. Positive: analyticity, intelligence, practicality. Negative: cynicism, coldness, secrecy.

8. Positive: prosperity, independence. Negative: materialism, unwillingness to listen, intolerance.

9. Positive: idealism, benevolence, compassion. Negative: unrealistic, touchiness, selfishness.

0. Positive: integrity, infinity. Negative: isolation, cyclicality.

Now I'll go into detail about each pair

First pair: Rantaro Amami and Kaede Akamatsu.

Quite an unusual pair. Kaede is not actually his killer, so their numbers don't match. However, they appear on the Train together and after discussion decide to travel with together. Kaede blames herself very much for Rantaro's death, so she immediately rushes to apologize. But after comparing and discussing versions of what happened, they both come to the conclusion that someone else is behind Amami's death. Someone who has control over the game. Therefore, Akamatsu will try very hard to find other victims of the Killing Game. She would like to believe that there will be few of them, but Rantaro warns her that they are dealing with a much more dangerous enemy than they previously thought.

To get off the Train, Kaede will need to stop taking responsibility for everything that happens and overloading both herself and those around her. Rantaro will need to learn to share his concerns and problems with others, to become less secretive and distrusting. Both Kaede and Rantaro would need to learn to rely more on others and not hide their worries behind a smile.

Kaede's Number: 391

Rantaro's Number: 407

Second pair: Ryoma Hoshi and Kirumi Tojo.

I kinda think that, compared to other pairs, they don't have that much problems with each other. They, more likely, need to focus more on solving personal problems. Of course, Kirumi will feel guilty towards Ryoma, she is not a heartless monster. But I don’t think Ryoma will reproach her for killing him and trying to get out. He gave her unspoken permission, although he probably expected something quick and painless.

Ryoma's hancuffs and shackle on his leg would probably be removed. I wasn't sure what to do about Kirumi's apperance, but then got idea that she could have been given clothes similar to the one they used to dress passengers in before. Unfortunately I only got this idea after I've already drawn her, so let's just assume that she'll change into it herself after some therapeutic sitting on the edge of the car and reflecting on her life. On the picture this clothes lies next to her.

To get off the Train, Kirumi needs to stop perceiving herself only as a maid. To accept that she does not have to constantly follow orders/requests, to stop taking on the role of an “adult” among others, accept that she is a teenager like the rest. And to admit that she wanted to get out not only because she had to serve an entire country, but also because she really wanted to escape, she wanted to live.

To get off the Train, Ryoma needs to learn to see the reasons to live in the little things, to remember that he has something to fight for. To pay attention to the fact that there are those who care and will grieve for him, and there are much more of them than he thinks. His life is not over yet, he has a chance and time to start again. He would have to admit that dying was very scary. Admit that in the last seconds of his life he regretted his decision.

They both need to stop devaluing their lives.

Their number is 406.

Third group: Angie Yonaga, Tenko Chabashira, Korekiyo Shinguji.

There are very complex relationships here. Everyone has both serious personal problems and conflicts with each other. Tenko is angry at Angie and will also just despise Kiyo. Angie will not be angry, but she may try to start imposing her God again and take position of a leader. Korekiyo will mostly stil be shaken trying to sort out his feelings and will shy away from Angie and Tenko as painful reminders of what happened. This trio will have many conflicts and difficult situations, but the fact that there are three of them will be more of a plus than a minus. This way, no one will be able to impose their opinion or take advantage of the weakness of another, because there is always a third person who will prevent this. Angie won't let Tenko drive Kiyo away; Tenko won't let Angie to take advantage of Kiyo's condition to lure him to her side; Kiyo can act as a mediator in conflicts that arise between Tenko and Angie. This way they can maintain some sort of balance.

To get a way out of the Train, Angie needs to learn to listen to others, not considering her decisions to be the only correct, simply because her God advises her. She'll have to admit that she is not absolutely right. Show yourself not as a prophet who doesn't make mistakes, but as a leader who is open to discussion and change of plans.

Tenko needs to reconsider her beliefs that all men are narcissistic and selfish, always looking to take advantage of others to benefit themselves. Also to recognize that sometimes she can be too pushy, and this can alienate even those she cares about. She needs to learn to be more accepting. Recognize that good and bad actions do not depend on gender, and girls can do terrible things too.

Korekiyo will have to accept that his sister is a bad person. That she used him, that she broke him, changing him forever. That everything he did for her was wrong. Because what she herself did was wrong. She did terrible things and made him do terrible things. And neither her illness, nor even her death is an excuse, and in no way diminishes her guilt. He will have to separate his sister from himself. Separate her from his hobbies, from his tastes and preferences, from his personality, from his speech, from his gestures... Fegure out what belongs to him and win it from her. Decide that she no longer has the right to influence his life. Let her go.

Their number is 348.

Fourth pair: Miu Iruma and Gonta Gokuhara.

Of course, they will have problems and disputes, but mostly only in the beginning. Gonta feel very guilty and will apologize to her a lot, but Miu doesn't hold a grudge against him. They will most likely only argue about Kokichi and his role in this murder, but I don’t think it will be that serious. Miu, although she'll be somewhat angry at Ouma, still feels guilty. She understands that she was the first to betray him by trying to kill him, but even at that moment she was regretting it. She was driven to such an act by desperation and fear. She regrets this, but will still argue with Gonta, saying that Kokichi lied to him and was just using him to save his skin, and Gonta will refuse to believe it.

I think Miu and Gonta have quite an interesting dynamic and the potential for both a lot of funny situations and serious conversations.

Perhaps Miu, at Kaede’s request, will build or repair a device that will allow tracking numbers or even passenges (similar to Simon's and Amelia’s devices) and will help her looking for others.

To get off the Train, Miu will need to stop compensating for her need for attention and approval with overconfidence and loud words. Admit that she tried to sacrifice many lives due to cowardice. Admit how scared and unsure of herself she really is.

Gonta will need to learn to be less gullible and stop believing that everyone around him is always smarter than him, so he needs to listen and comply. He needs to stop belittling his intelligence and knowledge, and also stop blaming himself for everything, especially if he had control over what happened. He needs to learn to stand up for himself.

I think Gonta and Miu's situation at first will be a little like Jesse and MT's, where for a while Gonta will listen to Miu's advice, not always very helpfull, without realizing that this is exactly what he needs to stop doing in order to get an exit.

Their number is 265.

Fifth pair: Kokichi Ouma and Kaito Momota.

The idea for this AU started with them, so, naturally, I have thought out for them the most. These two have so many personal problems and problems with each other, which is a constant source of conflict. This is made worse by the fact that Kaito is trying to impose his usual "I'm helping you, I don't need help myself" dynamic, and Ouma is obviously annoyed both that Momota is forcing his "heroism" and that he's lying in his face. It goes so far that Kaito declares directly to Kokichi’s face that he, Luminary of the Stars, has no problems, he's only here because of Ouma, because Ouma won't be able to deal with his problems on his own. All this even leads to them temporarily separating, Kokichi saying that he would rather stay on this Train than put up with Kaito, and Kaito that it would be easier for him to get a way out without such "companion". Later, they reluctantly return to each other and try to cooperate again, because this is the only way to get a way out.

Their situation is a lot like Ryan and Min-Gi's. In the sense that their number decreases then increases back, then decreases again, then increases once more, at times even becoming higher than it was initially. Because they still can’t figure out how to coexist with each other. They do eventually start getting along and get an exit, but it takes them a long time and a lot of trial and error.

To get a way out of the Train, Kokichi needs to stop treating everyone around him as enemies who are just waiting for the opportunity to take advantage of his weakness. He will have to learn to open up and trust people (and not only in situations where his life hangs by a thread). He'll have to learn to openly admit when he's wrong and to apologize. And to stop running away from the consequences of his actions.

Kaito will have to learn to talk openly about his problems. Not hide them from others, “so that they won't worry”. To recognize that he is not indestructible. Acknowledge that he, too, has worries and doubts. And to stop imposing his help when people refuse it.

They will both have to learn to show their vulnerable and weak sides. Stop trying doing everything alone, putting more on their own shoulders than they can handle. Learn to ask for help. Learn to talk openly about their concerns. Learn to work together and finally, to just understand each other.

Their number is 591.

Sixth pair: Tsumugi Shirogane and K1-B0.

Honestly, I don't really know what their relationship dynamic will be like. Tsumugi will probably be angry at Kiibo for destroying the academy (and even angrier if/when she finds out that the remaining three survived). Kiibo will probably end up on the Train without his antenna, so he won't have any sympathy for Tsumugi. I don't know if he will have a number, but in theory he's not an inhabitant of the Train, so maybe? But if not, then he most likely will leave Tsumugi on her own to decide what to do and go in search of the others. If he will have a number, he might insist on working and getting out together, and then try to arrest her.

I'll probably stick with the "Kiibo doesn't have a number" option. He will of course be upset and offended, once again realizing how robophobic the world is different he is. But, most likely, he will try to help look for other classmates, and also try to help reduce their numbers. Once Miu figures out that Kiibo doesn't have a number, and without a number the way out of the Train is closed, she will do something similar to what Jesse did: to try to make it appear that Kiibo has a number. So most likely he will be allowed to leave with her.

When it comes to Tsumugi in this scenario... Regardless of whether she was trying to replicate Junko's real game or if it was actually a multi-season show, and whether she was an employee of Team Danganronpa or if she was also brainwashed and just made to believe that she was special... Whatever the case, I think that she won't really want to be with her “classmates” and won't try to lower her number. Rather, on the contrary, she might decide to stay on the Train. It reminds her of fictional stories, the ones she loves so much. What's the point of returning to the ordinary world? Especially with those who don’t want to see her. Especially if the consequences of her actions await her there. Therefore, she is more likely to resist if they try to convince her to start working on her mistakes. She might even try to prevent others from getting out or even try to kill them (especially Kaito, Kokichi and Kiibo, since it was their fault that the game ended, and not at all the way she wanted). As a result, her number will go up, and up, and up... I don't think Tsumugi will get off the Train.

Number (K1-B0): —

Tsumugi's initial number: 5300

(5 and 3 numbers are not exactly suitable in terms of meaning, but Tsumugi simply MUST have 53 in her number, and zeros as a symbol of cyclicity and movement in a circle)

Tsumugi number (alternative): 2870

I'm planning to sketch a couple ideas of this AU that I have so far, so stay tuned I guess

As always, I'm happy to answer any questions!

AU tag is #drv3 train au

[vidavalor]

The Devil Takes The Hindmost

The Big Damn Post I've promised for ages on all the stuff suggesting that what we're watching in S2 is Aziraphale's mental health crisis leading to his fall...

...with a focus on a religious concept that intersects with secular ideas about mental health-- The Devil Takes The Hindmost-- that was unintentionally mentioned by Mrs. Sandwich and might be what's going on in The Final 15.

Plus, a look at the possible purpose of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Association in the story and a dive into the symbolic role in Aziraphale's story played by Muriel... the most adorable Angel of Death anyone's ever seen.

@ao3cassandraic @komorezuki @kayleefansposts @masnadies -- This is basically what I was starting to talk about the other night, if you're interested. @ochre-sunflower -- the meta I mentioned.

TWs: suicide; depression; PTSD; negative self-thoughts... It's optimistic by the end but it's a look at some darker stuff in the story so please take care.

In GO S2, we have a lot of stressors building and overlapping for Aziraphale, with each episode adding new ones, all boiling hotter and hotter until we reach the The Meeting Ball. There, everything stops for the arrival of Shax at the door.

When she turns up, all the other plots cease to be relevant in the moment because the whole story's stakes upon her arrival now come down to a single, pivotal question:

Are these demons going to get into the bookshop?

On the surface, in our plot, Shax, Eric and the smallest number of completely ineffectual demons that a redemptive Furfur could get away with sending without looking like a traitor 😉 are interrupting Aziraphale having turned his first pass at hosting the monthly meeting of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers & Traders Association into a party.

Why is he doing that? For a dizzying number of reasons. So he can try to protect Gabriel by getting Maggie and Nina together and try to be part of his community by using the party to get Maggie and Nina together which is also so he can protect Gabriel... but, let's be real, it's really all so he can dance with Crowley...

Our heads are spinning as much as Aziraphale's is by this point and it's exhausting just to try to recap everything he's dealing with by The Meeting Ball... which is why it probably isn't surprising that all of that story just stops when the brick goes through the window and Shax is at the door. Because, symbolically...

...this is an anxiety attack.

Shax and the demons are Aziraphale's inner demons and they're trying to force their way past the threshold to take control of the bookshop the way that darkness can consume a person...

...as they're trying to take control of the bookshop that is what, symbolically?

Aziraphale, yes.

Aziraphale and Crowley. (And, as we looked at recently, also Maggie, on account of her family's history with it.)

Why this bookshop attack that is a metaphorical anxiety attack at this point in the story?

Because a lot of what Aziraphale wants out of life was happening before the demons that represent his inner demons showed up at the party.

For the first time ever, Aziraphale was no longer compartmentalizing his worlds and hiding parts of his life from people. He had Maggie and Gabriel under the same roof-- his human and angel families together. He had neighbors over and felt brave enough to call himself one of them by hosting the meeting. He was impacting the society around him in a big way by unifying Whickber Street's black market with its "legitimate" front by inviting Mrs. Sandwich to join the group. He was helping Maggie and Nina fall in love.

Most importantly, there was what the whole thing was really for: having all that happen with Crowley there, too, and everyone knowing they are together. Being able to dance with him and be a couple openly like everyone else. This Jane Austen cotillion coming out ball for ladies Maggie and Nina is really a coming out party of sorts for Crowley and Aziraphale. This is like the Christmas party of Aziraphale's dreams here. The one he's never, ever been able to have.

It's a wonderful thing when people who are in a great deal of emotional pain decide they've just had enough and want to break free of their misery and allow themselves to work towards being happier.

It's just a very delicate period because it can go either way, in a hurry. One minute a person can be thinking they're on top of the world and starting to live the life they've been dreaming of but the next minute find themselves freefalling emotionally. This is especially true of people who feel they have to present as cheerful and optimistic for everyone else and who hide their pain behind a smile.

They are some of the most at risk of their lives becoming like the Salinger short story about trauma and suicide referenced in S2-- "A Perfect Day for Bananafish"-- in which a man suffering from PTSD is believed to be fine by himself and those around him, has a nice day at the sea and chats with a symbolic daughter-like character and then, unceremoniously, goes to his hotel room and shoots himself dead.

As Maggie shows us during The Meeting Ball when she parallels Aziraphale's struggle, people get tired of being afraid and want to live-- want Nina, who is coffee, which is freedom-- but they can overdo it, if they're not careful, and wind up taking steps backwards.

Sometimes, the thrill of feeling like they might be on the edge of something good can cause someone to go too far, too fast, and, without the right support, they can find themselves going faster than a rollercoaster-- and right off a cliff as a result.

These people might look at their inner demons and think they're fine, now, actually, and that the darkness doesn't frighten them at all and they're all over their negative stuff-- all good now. No problems here.

Problem is that, sometimes, in the process, they might realize they're lying to themselves when they suddenly tell those inner demons that they can come in and say all that pathetic shit to their face... before they're really ready for that. Maggie, paralleling Aziraphale here, shows that with Shax during the bookshop attack. Not the best way to deal with inner demons, that.

And one person's inner demons can be an unintentional trigger for others, which is one of the things that started off Aziraphale's mental health crisis boiling up into a breakdown earlier in the season.

Aziraphale was already having a terrible week and then he projected his own issues all over his adopted goddaughter when she was having a moment and wound up accidentally saying something about himself that she took to mean about her and that came out sounding incredibly hurtful in a way that Aziraphale didn't mean for it to be. He then sought to make it up to her by finding a way to make her romantic dreams come true but was, all the while, silently berating himself for not having handled it flawlessly in the first place.

And when that got mixed in with trying to *checks Aziraphale's S2 list*... Jesus...

...recover from PTSD, manage all the anxiety and depression that comes along with it, deal with the fallout of his relationships with his abusive family, save his losing it brother from a religious cult/fascist regime trying to kill him and figure out why he's lost his memory, assuage his guilt over the memory-wiped angel that he feels he failed to save that showed up at the door, figure out wtf to do with the bookshop/embassy he's never wanted to run but that has become the M-25 that he's built and is now stuck in and that just reminds him that he hasn't any family to pass it onto, and, most importantly?

Tell his partner that he would like to live openly with him in the a little cottage by the sea in the South Downs...

I mean, by the time Mr. Vacuum showed up and suggested that Aziraphale add to the list that this week also be the first time he's ever hosted the monthly meeting of the business organization of the street he's basically founded but doesn't let himself really feel like he belongs to?

Sure, Mr. Carpet. Sure. Bring it on. Why not, at this point?

But Mr. Vacuum's idea actually caused Aziraphale to think he had the perfect solution-- continue to do what he was doing all week and combine this shit together! Protect Gabriel by tying him to Maggie and Nina and solve Maggie and Nina through the Whickber Street meeting and, well, if he's going to make it romantic for Maggie and Nina, well...

...maybe this is how Aziraphale can solve his biggest problem-- finding more of a way to just be forever near that one, particular person who makes everything okay.

So, by the time we get to The Meeting Ball? Aziraphale is pretty much losing his damn mind.

The heebie jeebies that Crowley gets in the street? It's not the low-rent demons. He knows what they feel like. He can't identify it but the thing that is really, really wrong is Aziraphale himself, in a dark reverse of Aziraphale feeling Crowley's love in S1.

Thousands of years of feeling a lack of enough control over his life have basically led Aziraphale to snap. Parts of it are very funny. Gabriel dressed up as Liberace circling with temptation trays of vol-au-vents is as hilarious as it is loony. Miracling the room so that everyone speaks like it's the 19th century causes a lot of humorous scenes, especially with Mrs. Sandwich... but is also a horror show. Justine loses her ability to speak English well and others have trouble understanding one another. It's like a zanier, more comedic version of Aziraphale's parallel antichrist, Adam, taking over The Them and deciding how, when, and if at all, they could speak.

It's a person in Aziraphale, who is normally very kind to others but not really to themselves, whose pain and anger have built within them to a breaking point and caused them to take that out on others and become, for a moment, almost the exact kind of person from whom he tries to protect others.

During this part of the season, Mrs. Cheng and Mrs. Sandwich have some dialogue that I think might be the whole rest of the season's plot in a nutshell. It happens here:

Mrs. Sandwich being unaware that "seamstress" is a 19th century-era euphemism for a sex worker means that she doesn't realize that she actually is, on one level, telling Mrs. Cheng what she does for a living. Her frustration is coming from the fact that Mrs. Cheng also doesn't know this euphemism and so thinks Mrs. Sandwich is a literal seamstress-- someone who sews and mends clothes-- and not a figurative/euphemistic one. While that and the rest of this scene is worth a whole deep dive in and of itself, it's not the bit I want to focus on here. That bit is what Mrs. Sandwich says as she gets increasingly upset.

Keep in mind as we look at this that the person who is the literal seamstress in this scene is not Mrs. Sandwich. It's the person whose magic is inhibiting her speech-- so, who is speaking, in a roundabout way, through her-- and who is the one changing everyone's outfits as they come through the door.

The seamstress really of note here is Aziraphale.

In the midst of her frustration, Mrs. Sandwich is trying to curse in 2023 terms but they are coming out in 19th century-era equivalents and this means that she says the following things when cursing:

She insists that she's not a godforsaken (abandoned by God; left to Satan) seamstress, that she's not a benighted (taken by darkness) seamstress, and, finally... while probably trying to say "what the hell"... winds up saying the whole season's plot in response to Mrs. Cheng asking her the also rather meta question of "what, in short" the problem is in that moment.

What, in short, is the plot?, asks Mrs. Cheng, on a meta level.

What the fuck is going on in this story?

To which Mrs. Sandwich replies:

"The Devil take it."

The curse "The Devil take it"-- meaning you give so little about something or someone that Satan can have it-- comes from a religious teaching (that works very well from a secular perspective, too) known as "The Devil Takes the Hindmost". It's this teaching that I think is extremely important to S2 and is arguably around what the story is structured.

This teaching argues that people who are excessively self-sacrificing are putting themselves at risk of being taken by darkness/Satan because of the cumulative effects of the anger, anxiety and depression that comes of denying that they are people with wants and needs of their own for too long.

It's about the people who go beyond kindness. It's about those who don't see themselves as part of the pack of people and think that the world isn't for them. They believe that their needs and wants don't matter as much as the need to prove to themselves that they aren't a horrible person-- which they do, in their minds, by denying themselves a full life of their own.

Sound familiar? It should. It's Aziraphale to a T.

Why are these people in "The Hindmost" for Satan to take when they're not terrible people?

Because they fall to the back of the pack of humanity.

Because they are left open to the darkness because they do not allow themselves to have what they work so hard to help others make for themselves.

The pain of that eventually renders them as bad off emotionally as those they counsel, or worse. The more they deny themselves, the more that pain builds and it can push them down dark paths.

They're in "The Hindmost" not because anyone left them behind, exactly, but because they've shut out the people around them.

They aren't letting people in.

It's about here that we can bring up that Good Omens is built around doors and all of S2 is basically about getting in the bookshop that is Aziraphale. It's here that we can mention Shax-- the darkness-- repeating demands to Aziraphale, to Crowley, to Beez to be let in. It's here we can mention The Final 15 and the world's most depressing kiss-- the literal embodiment of "let me in" as a theme-- and the horribleness that followed.

So, if S2 is The Devil Takes the Hindmost and he's headed Aziraphale's way the whole season with a large oat milk latte with a hefty jigger or dash or whatever of almond syrup and the job (the Job...) offer from Hell to tempt him, then we're watching (for now) the last days of the angel Aziraphale because a fall is a form of death.

It doesn't mean it's the end entirely because, as Gabriel discovered, everything goes down but flies? They go up.

Flies are the product of letting someone in and not shutting out the love and care you need. That can only be done through accepting, at least for a little while, that you are allowed to be a person and deserve to be cared for the way you care for others. If a person does that, they can fall but they'll have what they need to get back up and to help them stave off future falls.

Letting people in and talking to people about how you feel-- figuratively: feeding your fellow ducks your frozen peas and listening to theirs--- is how we all defeat the darkness together and make it so that Satan never shows up at any of our doors.

Yes, it is, Crowley. Would have been helpful if you had mentioned any of your own Hell-and-Book-of-Life frozen peas at all to anyone but the audience all S2 but this meta isn't really directly about you so you get a pass for now 😂 Back to your partner...

So, this The Devil Takes The Hindmost stuff? Almost immediately after Mrs. Sandwich says it, the story begins to have the characters literally act it out.

Shax is The Devil in that she's a devout diabolical minister of Satan so she's representing Satan at the door.

First up? Gabriel.

Gabriel mirrors Aziraphale's excessive self-sacrificing. It doesn't matter to him that he just met most of the people in the bookshop an hour or something ago. If that angry mob outside wants him for who fucking knows what reason as this poor bastard can't remember anything 😂 then Gabriel is happy to throw himself on his sword for them.

In reality, no one in the shop should have let Gabriel go out there alone. The whole point of "The Devil Takes The Hindmost" is that if everyone looks after each other the best that they can?

There won't *be* any hindmost.

There will just a pack of people who are all keeping each other safe from the darkness.

Jim is ultimately fine to tussle with Shax, though, because that is the part of the teaching that he exemplifies.

Gabriel has been protected. He's not completely fine-- who ever is, really?-- and he's still not really over this current bout of depression but he's safe from Satan and the darkness.

He's safe because he has Beez, Aziraphale, Crowley, and his new friends on Whickber Street.

Gabriel has a pack and is allowing himself to be part of it. As such?

The Devil can't touch him. Shax can't recognize him and sends him back inside. Gabriel is not in The Hindmost because he's been hidden, safely, by his group.

Gabriel goes back to the middle of the pack where he spends the rest of the attack, helping Aziraphale fight off his metaphorical inner demons by way of aiding Maggie and Nina to save the bookshop.

It's the next to the door, though, who is not so lucky, and gets to be the first example of The Hindmost.

From the way, way back of the pack that has formed of the humans, Gabriel, Crowley and Aziraphale in the middle of the bookshop pushes forward our beloved Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets.

The President of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Association-- the Gabriel of the humans-- feels it's his job to sort out this mess... only he has even less clue as to what's going on than Gabriel did... and he's much, much more vulnerable.

Mr. Brown tells Shax that he doesn't know why she is "interfering" with the people in the shop, unknowingly using the word used in religious circles to talk about The Devil coming after people. Mr. Brown is a guy at real risk here. Going into the circle and getting discorporated if you're not prepared? Facing The Devil at the door without preparation is the same, terrible thing. Mr. Carpet has no idea wtf he's up against here and his motivations for going to the door are the heart of The Devil Takes The Hindmost.

What does our lionhearted Mr. Brown do for a living? What is he, symbolically?

He sells carpets, right? What are carpets?

Well, they're rugs, for one thing. They're found in every business and home in existence. They are necessary for living and also an example of having comfort in your life. (They're also walked on and taken for granted, like our Mr. Brown is quite a bit.) You pick out carpets on your own or with the people with whom you are making a life-- and they tend to symbolize that life.

We see, in 2.06, the shot highlighting the lotus flower carpet that Crowley and Aziraphale have in the bookshop, that they use to cover up the Heavenly circle in the floor-- the one they put Gabriel on to do the protection miracle. It symbolizes the life Crowley and Aziraphale have made together to which they've now let Gabriel in.

What else are carpets? In Good Omens' use of language, they're also cars and pets. Rugs, cars and pets... three of the most common things owned by people living a life on Earth, with the word own itself in Mr. Brown's name.

Brown's *World* of *Carpets*... this dude is, symbolically, everyone.

He's life itself.

That's why it's Mr. Brown who gets taken by the demons and, later, saved by Crowley and left in the care of Mutt, who is human magic-- the character who symbolizes the wonder and mystery and joys of being alive.

Mr. Brown-- an extremely common name for a man whose pain is extremely common. He's lonely. He's overlooked. He's the president of this group of apostrophe and Christmas lights-obsessed, irritating and wonderful, typical, human people because he's unflappable and no one else wants to do it. No one else will do all the boring work and hear all the complaints the way he will and he's made that his role and he hates it. In that way, he's the Beez of Whickber Street-- as desperate for appreciation as Aziraphale. He's Burbage and Shakespeare, wanting an audience that isn't sleeping, drunk, or flirting their way through Hamlet. He's Crowley and Aziraphale:

Mmm, good job... Oh, do you really think so?

Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets is a professional carpet salesman. He spends his days selling everyone what they need to make lives of their own but his own life is far lonelier and smaller than he would like it to be. He doesn't have a partner or true friends, just the people of the group into which he's struggled to really fit, despite running it. He's nerdy and awkward. His over-the-top, affected manner of speaking belies the fact that he feels like he's jiggery pokery, through and through. If I took Mr. Brown's name and profession out of this paragraph, I could be describing Aziraphale just as easily, but for the fact that Aziraphale does have Crowley, if not in the open way he wishes for. Because of that, Mr. Brown being taken by The Devil is also foreshadowing the end of S2 for Aziraphale.

Like most, Mr. Vacuum has got some surprising resolve-- some unexpected moxie-- but, fundamentally, this man has spent S2 showing that he is one more papercut away from a nervous breakdown.

So, when he tries to prove his worth to the group by putting himself at risk, it's excessively self-sacrificing. While there are some titters of alarm and warnings to him not to leave the pack, the one who objects the most is Crowley. Mr. Brown, though, doesn't let Crowley in. He doesn't recognize him because it's partially to look good in front of Aziraphale that Mr. Brown has jumped to the front of the pack. It's his loneliness, his lack of his own life, his need to be part of the group and appreciated. His need to be the hero.

Only, Mr. Vacuum is what happens when you aren't prepared for the darkness and you haven't let anyone in to help you. Shax, realizing that Crowley has been lying to her about the threshold by the way that all the humans have been backed into the living room, tests the theory and Mr. Vacuum gets taken by The Devil.

The Devil Takes The Hindmost.

Mr. Brown went from the literal hindmost of the pack inside of the bookshop up to the front to self-sacrifice excessively, got taken by Satan, and then, in a darkly amusing turn, got tossed back through to the hindmost of the pack of demons outside. He's also near the back of the line for coffee the next morning at Nina's.

If The Devil can come for Mr. Carpet, we see, he can come for anybody. Now this lingering and malignant sense of unease we've been feeling throughout The Meeting Ball tips here into real horror.

Crowley is up next to evacuate the rest of the humans in the shop. He's going to walk them all in a pack past The Devil. They go out in mini-groups within a larger pack. He tells them that they need to all stick together and mind each other, not the demons.

If they do that, they live. If they don't, they won't.

It becomes that simple because it is that simple.

Crowley doesn't just tell The Whickbers how to do this, though-- he leads them out. Because he's one of them, too... but really also because this is all a metaphor for Aziraphale's mental health breakdown getting going and what happens when you are having an anxiety attack or a depression episode?

What goes out the door?

The things that keep you alive, right? The good stuff in life. That is defined differently for everyone but a lot of it overlaps for many of us. Many of those things are what The Whickber Street group characters stand for in the story. Aziraphale owns the land for most of Whickber Street so, in addition to being characters in their own right, all of the members of The Whickber Street group represent Aziraphale.

They're all the things he loves the most-- his reasons for living, and what helps keep the darkness away for him. This is really why, symbolically, neither they nor Crowley (symbolically, love) can be present in the shop when Aziraphale is melting down at his worst.

Crowley leads the pack out with Mrs. Sandwich up front. He is allowing himself to be part of the pack here. He might be supernatural and the group human but it doesn't matter. They're all people and there's more to it than miracles. Crowley can't face the darkness on his own-- and neither can Mrs. Sandwich. Neither of them should have to. So, they don't. They choose to be each other's friends and let each other in and they're both better for it and so is the rest of the pack. This is an example of how to deal with darkness in a positive way.

Crowley trusts Mrs. Sandwich in general but for this task, in particular, because who knows best how to deal with the darkness?

Survivors of prior run-ins with darkness, that's who. His fellow "fallen woman", Mrs. Sandwich, has got her hat pin and his back and Crowley has hers.

So, out the door of the bookshop that is Aziraphale goes love, friendship, sex, romance, healthy communication, human magic, community, food, music, and so much more... because not taking care with our mental health issues rob us of what we love.

Left in the shop? Maggie and Gabriel-- Aziraphale's past and his family... and Nina-- the possibility of freedom (her American-themed coffee shop) and what's left of Aziraphale's hope for the future. Nina's decision to stay symbolizes Aziraphale hanging onto some hope.

After Crowley and The Whickbers leave and Maggie accidentally lets in Shax, the demons have gotten in and are advancing. Without those who are no longer in the shop and with Crowley missing, Aziraphale's anxiety ratchets up and the demons-- his inner demons-- gain ground. The goal becomes keeping them from getting into the residence floor upstairs-- to the place to which Aziraphale has let hardly anyone in. The parts of himself that are not public-facing or for acquaintances but only for those he allowed himself to get close to. Maggie and Nina can be on the landing up there. Gabriel can stay in the guest room. They're family. Only Crowley is allowed free reign in the whole of the bookshop.

For the first time, we have an angel not named Aziraphale teaming up with humans to fight for a place on Earth. The start of the 'all of us versus all of them' that Crowley foreshadowed as still to come at the end of S1? It isn't some big battle for the planet. It is a battle for the life of a single person in Aziraphale because every person matters.

It's The Commander of The Heavenly Host rooting around the upstairs rooms of the bookshop collecting all the fire extinguishers bought to help Crowley deal with his trauma that he can find to supply his troops-- the human Maggie and Nina-- on the front lines.

It's Aziraphale's loved ones coming together to fight to save the bookshop that is, symbolically, Aziraphale himself.

Ultimately, though? Crowley, Gabriel, Maggie and Nina can help hold off the demons that are symbolically Aziraphale's inner demons but it's ultimately going to come down to Aziraphale and Aziraphale alone whether or not these demons are going to overrun the bookshop.

We reach the point where Aziraphale has to choose-- is he going to let the demons take him over or is he going to send them back? He decides, in this moment, to blow up his halo.

We learn that Aziraphale's halo isn't divinity floating atop his head-- it's a tight, hard band around his mind. It's mental health issues, in physical form. He is in visible pain and breathing shallowly as he struggles to take it off. If you took away the halo from the picture, it's visually very much like someone having an anxiety attack. He uses it to discorporate the demons-- to send his inner demons packing.

Well, almost all of them...

Shax, the one that voices his darkest inner thoughts, remains. She's unconscious for awhile, lying dormant on Crowley's couch.

Aziraphale tells Maggie and Nina that he thinks blowing up his halo might have "just started a war" and, symbolically, it did.

Because when you blow up your halo, it can work for awhile but if you still aren't able to address the underlying, fundamental issues at the root of why you have a halo in the first place, those dark thoughts will come back.

Those demons are coming back and, sure enough, Aziraphale's bookshop is full of plenty of voices by early the next morning. While he won The Battle of The Bookshop, he loses The Battle of The Bananafish the next morning.

While Aziraphale stopped the attack on the shop-- his anxiety attack-- with the halo, we learn the next morning that then something else happened the prior night that we didn't see that is affecting the rest of 2.06. We hear about it from Aziraphale after Satan shows up in this bit here:

What's this, now? Aziraphale doesn't want to chinwag with The Metatron because they already chatted the night before and our angel doesn't think there's anything left to be said. Our angel says he's made his position quite clear.

So, The Metatron got on the circle thing zoom after Aziraphale discorporated demons with it and blew up his halo and, by that point, Aziraphale had had enough.

Aziraphale told The Metatron, in so many words, to go fuck himself.

This is really what Aziraphale is trying to say when he tells Crowley that he "did the thing with The Halo." Yes, he literally blew up his halo to discorporate the demons and stop the bookshop attack but the halo is his the weight of all of his cumulative trauma from Heaven... which makes it also, symbolically, The Metatron. Aziraphale blew up his ties to Heaven by telling off The Metatron. He told off the floating head hanging over his head as part of blowing up the halo crushing his mind.

So, Aziraphale then spent the whole night assuming correctly that, if you yell at Head Office, he's going to tell Satan that you're fair game.

Aziraphale doesn't want to fall. He doesn't want to be a demon-- not because he thinks of them as lesser beings because he doesn't think of them that way. Because being a demon is a terrible existence and Aziraphale would rather not have his soul be owned for all eternity by his partner's assailant who is also, literally, The Devil. He's a hard pass on that and had a plan to have Crowley help him avoid it.

Satan and other events made sure that he and Crowley couldn't communicate what they were thinking and feeling to one another openly from the time that Crowley left the bookshop with The Whickbers through the end of S2. If they had been able to and if Crowley had any idea what was truly going on, things would have been very different. The story is Aziraphale's fall, though, so it has to be bad for now to improve in S3.

Because it's Satan at the door with the coffee, he uses Crowley to identify him as The Metatron to everyone else and, so, has convinced Crowley that he *is* The Metatron and that Satan is nowhere in sight. Crowley doesn't see Aziraphale's fall coming, as can be the case with many people-- even those who know of the mental health challenges of those close to them.

Crowley thinks that the biggest threat to Aziraphale in The Final 15 is The Book of Life-- and, I suppose, in a symbolic way, it is.

The Book of Life-- in the way that Crowley thinks it exists-- is not real. It's his and Beez's anxieties from when they were angels manifested as a ghost story to tell more impressionable angels. Yet, as a concept? It kind of is sort of exactly what Aziraphale goes through in S2. He feels erased into non-existence by Heaven already and he's fighting for his life.

Right, so, a hundred years ago lol, I mentioned that Muriel is key to this idea. Let's look at how their presence is highlighting Aziraphale's issues and ushering him closer to death/falling.

While two angels with memory issues show up at Aziraphale's door in S2, Gabriel is a tale of hope while Muriel is a cautionary tale.

If your memories are "all your you"-- your sense of self, formed through your history-- then, while Gabriel was preserved in The Fly, the example of what can happen without one?

The horror show of a total and complete, catastrophic loss of a sense of self? So... death?

That's Muriel.

There is an angel named Muriel in some Western Christian traditions who becomes a figure called The Abaddon, which is The Angel of Death. The Abaddon factors into different takes on Revelations and apocryphal Biblical stuff. There are several different ideas on who The Abaddon is, though my understanding is that their role as The Angel of Death who brings souls to their final judgement is pretty universal throughout.

In some traditions, The Abaddon is seen as the antichrist. In others, it's Satan. In S1, Good Omens played around with some characters seeing the role of The Abaddon in these ways during Armageddon: Round One through how the Satanic nuns referred to the antichrist baby and Satan as "The Angel of The Bottomless Pit", which is the descriptive phrase given to The Abaddon in multiple different religious writings.

In other religious traditions, though, The Abaddon is thought to be an angel of Heaven or a trio of angels of Heaven. It's these ideas that I think Good Omens is playing with in S2 with, I feel, the heavier emphasis on the true Abaddon being the one most frequently referred to that way-- Muriel. Also supporting the idea of Muriel as Death is that there is also that a character in Salinger's "A Perfect Day for Bananafish" with that name. Muriel is the one set to inherit the main character's wealth and property after he kills himself at the end of the story.

So, how is our lovebug Muriel The Angel of Death?!

For that, we have to look at what a fall is.

Consider that The Metatron can tell Satan that an angel is fair game but, in order for that angel to actually fall to Hell, they have to fail to resist Satan's temptation. What the show is subtly saying is that every angel who is a demon is not just an angel who got caught out saying or doing something that threatened The Metatron's power but, also, an angel who was also already falling into despair and, so, couldn't resist Satan when he came to claim their soul.

The literal fall that happens-- the "freestyle dive into a pit of boiling sulphur", as Crowley called it-- is a symbolic thing that happens after an angel has been unable to resist Satan and, so, is now considered by Heaven and Hell to be a demon.

If you consider that the way the literal fall has been described-- going off a cliff; the parallels to Gabriel nearly jumping out a window-- all of these are images of ways that people sometimes kill themselves. Heaven and Hell come at angels and demons from a place of abuse that pushes them towards suicide. Even in S1, it wasn't straight out murder that Crowley and Aziraphale faced-- they were both forced into what, to Heaven and Hell, would have seen as committing forms of suicide. Crowley getting into a bath of holy water; Aziraphale stepping into hellfire.

So, we're saying that the physical fall happens after an angel has already fallen, and that, in order to fall to Hell, an angel has to have already first fallen into despair.

If the show wants Aziraphale to fall in the Heaven/Hell sense of it, he has to have a mental health breakdown and I'm reminded that the opening credits of this show are Crowley and Aziraphale walking the Earth with all of their history layering up behind them and following along with them and then they go up and up and up on a track in S2 and stop just prior to?

Falling off the edge. The literal fall is what we've stopped just short of but, all along so far, we've been watching the fall in progress build.

The reason why we've never been "shown a fall" on Good Omens is actually because the whole story to date is Aziraphale's fall. It doesn't even really start with S2-- it started long, long ago. It also, though, really kicked into gear just prior to the start of S2, as is noted a bit in this moment here:

Nina asks if everything being weird started the prior week when the power went out and Aziraphale replies:

Trauma is like that. It can be things that happened in your metaphorical 2500 BC that are coming back to bite you in your 2023 AD. It's cumulative. It builds and pushes. You can go and go and go and then, one day, your power just goes out. Your energy to fight is just gone and a storm is brewing. A series of events can push someone who is in an already vulnerable mental health state towards a full on fall into despair and that is what I think S2 is fundamentally about.

S2 is a suicide narrative. Our Clarence Aziraphale is going a bit George Bailey. Even as, on the one hand, he's taking big steps forward to claim more of the life he wants, it's the underlying trauma that he hasn't yet been able to fully deal with that is making him also, at the same time, begin to quietly wonder if those around him would be better off if he were not in their lives.

This is why the most dangerous character in S2 is not Satan or The Metatron.

It is, quietly, Muriel.

How so?

Because when people begin to have more frequent suicidal thoughts, their reasons for living that usually keep them going begin to change to being more of a list of obstacles that are preventing them from death. As a person falls into depression to a point that they begin to feel like maybe everyone around them would be better off if they weren't there, they begin in their minds to try to "solve" the problems that are keeping them from dying. They try-- not always super-consciously-- to set things up in such a way so as to convince themselves that their ties to the Earth will be neatly resolved with minimal bother for anyone else and, more importantly, that all their loved ones will be set up to be fine without them.

People in despair can-- and will-- come up with what are, objectively, absolutely bonkers rationales because, ultimately, they want coffee but they are in such despair that they thinking about ordering death.

Muriel's arrival means that Aziraphale then basically has a solution to every obstacle in his mind in such a way that he clears a path straight to taking his life. They help solve two of his "obstacles": Crowley and the problem of the bookshop.

Muriel is dangerous because they show up at the door with the same curious, upbeat, enthusiastic personality and sense of wonder at the magic of the world that Crowley both loves in Aziraphale and needs in his life.

Muriel is also who can take the bookshop. They're an angel who needs an escape and who loves books and Earth. They're perfect for it. Aziraphale is also horrified to realize that Muriel doesn't recognize him and what the implications of that are and he feels guilty about not having saved them somehow. They begin to represent his self-determined failures and giving them the shop would be, in his mind, making some of that right.

To Aziraphale, Muriel is the cheer and hope that Crowley needs in his life and they've taken to each other like ducks to water, which is then also coming after Aziraphale has subtly been pairing up his partner with the also-immortal-and-traumatized archangel with whom Crowley has much in common and whom we are told in S2 that Aziraphale knows that Crowley finds attractive.

Shax pops up throughout to help show some of Aziraphale's dark thoughts about himself.

What are you, Aziraphale? Crowley's emotional support angel? The one who went native? Do you need more big, human meals, Aziraphale?

The comments in Edinburgh that are not really about the car. It's really more like Aziraphale calling himself "an old piece of junk" and thinking Crowley deserves the chance to get an upgrade to someone better. Gabriel's good-looking and has been through much of the same as Crowley. Muriel is upbeat and makes Crowley smile. Crowley having friends who are supernatural is a great thing but, under the surface, it's also leading Aziraphale to create an inner narrative where he's telling himself that he's replaceable in parts by Gabriel and Muriel and that he wouldn't be leaving Crowley alone if he were to take his own life.

Aziraphale is telling himself that maybe the best way to love Crowley is to make it so that Crowley doesn't have to deal with him.

What did Crowley say about his stars once? The first time they met?

Six thousand years-- that's nothing.

Engine won't even have properly warmed up by then.

Crowley's borderline-immortal. He'll live forever. Six thousand years is a blink of the eye to them. He'll get over me, Aziraphale is telling himself, and find someone worth spending eternity with.

Aziraphale didn't see a path towards death until Muriel's arrival because he didn't fully have a solution to the bookshop and Crowley. That's what makes that adorable moppet of an angel the deadliest character in S2.

The reason why Muriel leapfrogs over every other character and makes it down to the last, pivotal minutes of Crowley and Aziraphale's story in The Final 15-- in a part of the story where even Gabriel is gone-- is because Muriel is death.

It's because this is all about whether or not Aziraphale is going to take the freedom of coffee from Mr. Six Shots of Espresso and live or whether he's going to take the false freedom of the lies he's telling himself from Satan and die.

Is he going to try to take his own life or is he going to find a way through this time, as he has before?

"It's just you and me, Aziraphale." What a statement that is.

It's both true and a complete lie.

Crowley and Muriel are both still in the room when Satan says that so, objectively, it's not really just him and Aziraphale... except that he is controlling Muriel and Crowley in different ways. In that way, it really is only Satan and Aziraphale left by this point. It's down, by that point, to just whether or not Aziraphale is going to live and since Satan is here for him, it's not looking great.

Satan is the embodiment of Aziraphale's life or death choice here and that choice, in many ways, is the only two other beings left in the shop at that point.

It's Crowley or Muriel. It's life or death.

Satan also as Aziraphale's darkest thoughts, really... as Aziraphale's internal dialogue playing out.

What about my bookshop? he asks himself.

Really: What about my life?

Muriel, replies Satan... replies the darkness... replies Aziraphale to himself.

You could entrust it to Muriel.

They need an escape. You'd be doing them a great favor. You'd be sacrificing yourself for them and redeeming yourself for failing to save them. It'd make what you're thinking of doing noble, actually. It'd make it okay. It'd make you a good person.

Aziraphale struggles, right? He almost doesn't do this. He almost says he thinks he's making a mistake because he knows he is. It's just that his every conflict has come up all at once and overwhelmed him.

Even still, the darkness has him pretty solidly-- but not completely-- until this moment right here:

Aziraphale is no fool and he's questioned the idea that this is The Metatron; he's actually trying to tell Crowley that he thinks it's Satan for much of That Scene in the bookshop and to get Crowley to see it and help him, in case it is. Aziraphale hopes he's wrong, though, because he wants it to be The Metatron because he thinks that is the way to fix things but it's not and he knows it, deep down. He doubles down because he's embarrassed, because he feels foolish and afraid and like he has nothing to offer Crowley without the power he thinks he lacks.

Satan's temptation, though, ultimately works because of the final of the death by a thousand cuts here in the whole "Second Coming" moment.

After Satan gets Aziraphale to leave the shop with him to head to Heaven, he, as The Metatron, flatters Aziraphale a bit. He says the things that Aziraphale has always wanted someone in Heaven to say to him. He tells Aziraphale he's needed and that they specifically need and appreciate who he is-- an angel who knows how things are done on Earth. It's validating who Aziraphale is and who is he proud of being in the way that Aziraphale has always wished would happen.

Aziraphale is hurting so much that he starts to wonder if maybe he was wrong about all of this. He was pretty sure before but, maybe, just maybe, he was wrong and he wants to be wrong because then it means maybe that he'd know who he is. Maybe it would mean he would no longer have to be an angel who goes along with Heaven as far as he can because Heaven would be finally starting to see the light.

Maybe this isn't Satan. Maybe it really is The Metatron. Maybe all of this is real. Maybe he can go to Heaven and take this job and really have the power to protect Crowley and they won't have to be afraid anymore.

Then, Satan drops the bomb. He fires the killshot.

He lets Aziraphale hear him say "we call it 'The Second Coming'" while pretending he didn't mean for Aziraphale to hear it.

This is the moment that Aziraphale knows it was all a lie.

He knows for sure who that is now. He has gone from being 98% sure to a full 100%. He knows that it's not The Metatron but Satan holding open the elevator.

Satan had to tell him, as it's the only thing Satan has to do in some form at the end-- because it has to be Aziraphale's choice. Satan sure as fuck doesn't have to be fair about it-- and he definitely wasn't-- but it's at this moment that Aziraphale knows with absolute certainty that there isn't a job offer.

How could there be if The Second Coming is on the table? They'll never put Aziraphale in charge of Heaven with Armageddon as the agenda. He's the angel who stopped it the last time. It means that Aziraphale knows for sure that, if he gets into the elevator, he's effectively killing himself, because this is all to entrap and kill him, not to promote him.

Satan sets it up so that the final things Aziraphale is thinking about when he makes the choice are that there is no chance that Heaven will ever improve and that they're going to do Armageddon again and just keep doing it until it happens and it's all hopeless and Aziraphale will never have the power to protect Crowley and they're going to just keep living this nightmare forever and he's been doing this for thousands of years and he can't take it anymore.

People who are suicidal are stuck in cycles of their lives they feel they can't get out of and that's exactly what Aziraphale is reminded of in the moment before he gets into the elevator.

He doesn't want death-- he wants coffee.

He wants Crowley, standing appropriately in front of Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death, with the coffee art and the blues and greens of Earth all around him. The canopy plants in the backseat. This is what Aziraphale wants but he just doesn't know how to get there anymore and the darkness wins out. The villains always win a battle at this part of the story or else there's no plot left going forward and there is a forward because it's Aziraphale. There are ways back from this but that's for S3.

Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death, as we know, is substituting the word coffee for the word liberty in the original quote and that's exactly what happens in Aziraphale's decision to get into the elevator. The truth is revealed-- there is no job, which makes him feel like there is no way to ever be free while living. He's exhausted by fighting the same battles, over and over, with no way to escape in sight, and takes what he thinks is the freedom of not suffering anymore.

He chooses the false freedom of death over the true freedom of living-- Satan's coffee over Mr. Six Shots of Espresso in a Big Cup-- because Aziraphale loves that espresso more than anything but he struggles to love himself. He thinks, in that moment of despair, that the best way to love Crowley is to set him free by leaving life.

It's the Job minisode foreshadowing all of it and going back to the start of his story for the end.

It's nothing important, Aziraphale, don't worry...

Just your kids, your house, your businesses, your money, your neighbors, your street, your car, your books, your friends, your community, your Earth and the love of your life.

Just all the love and magic of the world.

Just all your you. Just your life...

When the first shot of the season was the skies sweeping down towards the front of the shop door... and the final shot of the shop in S2 is The Angel of Death-- Muriel-- entering it alone, claiming it and closing the door? When the light goes off in the bookshop window?

When Aziraphale-- after running around with a paralleling clipboard for half an episode-- leaves a note on the dash for his wife, like International Express Delivery Dude did in S1? When his "I love you, Maud" is the car playing Crowley "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square"? That's when we can see why Death appeared to Aziraphale at the end of S1 and has been headed his way since.

Satan's temptation, yes, but executed with the help of The Angel of Death, who helped push Aziraphale into the lift with The Devil and not towards Crowley and The Bentley, where Aziraphale's love has always been willing to give him a lift, anywhere he wants to go.

In a show where people are symbolically what they profess that it is that they do-- midwifery/cobblering, conjuring, "seamstressing" and so on... all of those things are positive. They're about helping others and loving the world. With that in mind?

Go back and look at Muriel's arrival at the bookshop again...

What is adorable is, also, a fucking horror movie of a declaration:

Muriel is a human police officer.

Friends... that's Death.

Muriel is the only one with a horrible self-declared profession. They're not helping birth ideas and babies and art and mending everyone's pain. They're not a working, professional magician helping to develop the street. They're not a healing seamstress. They don't sell old films and records and books. They don't feed anyone at their restaurant or sell musical instruments to nourish their lives. They aren't the best guy on the block-- Mr. Brown and his World of Carpets, giving people what they need to outfit a life of their own. They're the not a member of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Association-- like their paralleling Jim becomes as he begins to regain the will to live.

Crowley is worried about caring for Gabriel being too much for Aziraphale but it's really Muriel that is a walking trigger for him.

Gabriel is a character people think is a villain who is really a lovebug; Muriel is a character people think is a lovebug but who is, symbolically, the worst possible thing to ever show up on your doorstep.

Gabriel is saying books are keen and hot chocolate is amazing and live, live, live, live, Aziraphale...

He's the part of Aziraphale's mind that is trying to save himself while Muriel is the part that is luring him towards death.

Muriel is saying the best part of a cupperty is to look at it, Aziraphale.

It's not for you. You're an angel. You aren't supposed to want to live your own life. You aren't supposed to have wants and needs at all. Even if you go into that back room to be with Crowley alone and try to shut me out, I will break down the door and come after both of you before too long is up.

Muriel is cosplaying Earth's most invasive and violent profession and they're so sweet about it that it tends to bury the eeriness of their arrival. In Muriel, Aziraphale is confronted with his paralyzing perfectionism, his negative self-worth, his rampant imposter syndrome, and his excessive self-sacrificing-- all at once.

All his negative feelings are here at the door in the form of this fun house mirror version of himself-- a cheery and also clinically depressed angel, who is actually cosplaying humanity the way Aziraphale always feels like he is, even if he knows at the core that he's every bit as human as the billions on Earth.

The world is for the professional conjurers, for the humans, for everyone but Aziraphale, in his mind. He is supposed to be above needing any of it. He is supposed to never be angry, anxious, tired, depressed, hungry. He isn't supposed to need the home and books and music and food and sex and magic that he lives for. This angel isn't supposed to be a member of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Association but he founded the street, let alone the group, and he'll die trying to host a meeting because nothing makes him feel more himself than when he lets himself be a part of the world.

Muriel's presence worsens his depression spiral, which we've seen is what happens when the negative thoughts get to be too much.

In S2, he goes a sherry-and-stomach-settling-drop diet. He doesn't eat the eccles cakes. He doesn't slow down and enjoy much of anything. Part of the joy of the ox rib scene is that Aziraphale isn't really enjoying himself that much in the present in S2 and it's the only thing like it in S2. Aziraphale, in S2, has put himself and his demon on half-rations and talks about his frozen peas to his fellow duck less. He goes back and forth between trying to self-care (Shostakovich and going to the Gabriel statue and brief moments of flirting with Crowley) and self-neglect (the entire rest of the season lol). Mix in too many additional stressors like what S2 had and it goes from the anxious period of fasting in 1967 to the cause for big time alarm that is S2.

Intellectually, Aziraphale knows that mindful human living is prescriptive. He saves Gabriel by starting to teach him what he knows about it. There's always been a little voice whispering at Aziraphale, though, that it might be right for others but that doesn't mean he's supposed to feel or need those things. He should be above it because that, apparently, would make him the good person that he doesn't often believe he is. His feelings aren't even about being an angel in the Heaven sense so much as in the human anxious perfectionist sense, in that he's excessively self-sacrificing because he doesn't fundamentally believe he's a good person.

There's nothing wrong with being as kind and generous to people as you can. It's when you're doing that while also not acknowledging that you are a person with wants and needs at the same time that you can self-sacrifice yourself right off a cliff as a way of trying to convince yourself that you're not a bad person.

You can deny yourself the life you want out of the excuse that it's your purpose only to care for everyone else but it's not really virtuous. It's a form of self-harm.

What hurts so much about S2 is 1941 because the minisode then gives us Crowley and Aziraphale slaying demons left and right. It gives us what a good day looks like in a whole season that is, otherwise, a series of bad days mixed with things that are also not within their control that then lead to the worst, possible ending.

We see, really, how good they are at caring for one another. The kiss scene is made infinitely more painful by us having seen in the 1941 minisode another conversation in the same spot in bookshop when Aziraphale was struggling with these same issues that went so very differently.

Crowley is very good at gently reminding Aziraphale that, not only is he wonderful, but that he's a person, too, and that everyone feels like they are jiggery-pokery sometimes. Everyone struggles with the voices of others and themselves trying to judge them and how that impacts a sense of self. That fighting through that to be able to live and love is, unfortunately, a pretty common experience of being a person.

This is not new for Aziraphale. It's so very old, stirred up hardcore in S2, now that it's been four years since Heaven contacted him. Aziraphale doesn't know that it's because Gabriel is trying to protect him. He thinks he's so inconsequential that Heaven couldn't even be assed to send someone to formally fire him and take the bookshop embassy that, despite being something of an albatross around Aziraphale's neck, he's also really proud of having built.

Aziraphale wants Heaven to fuck off but he also feels embarrassed by the fact that Heaven could fuck off so easily and that he feels like he doesn't have a friend there to speak of after thousands of years. He is ashamed of it needing to be Crowley who gets them a contact for info in Shax because he sees it as more dangerous for Crowley to need to be in contract with the demons and as a failure to protect him-- the thing that's at the core of Satan's temptation at the end of the season. (Also why Crowley is trying not to tell him about Shax taking his job and his conversation with Beez, which is a huge mistake but it's coming from a good place.)

Surely, Aziraphale thinks, if he hasn't fallen and he's still an angel... if he still is one, he's not really sure, as what is a non-working angel?... then, if he were good, there'd be some angel up there who would still be talking to him. He knows Heaven isn't good, exactly, but not all of the angels are terrible. As anyone who has ever had to go no contact with an abusive family knows, the illogical doubts that creep up can make a person think that maybe they're the wrong ones. At your worst, you can wonder: if the whole family thinks you're wrong, are you really right? Aziraphale knows he is right but it gets complicated.

Add to that the stress of worrying that something will happen to Crowley every time he goes out the door (part of Aziraphale's own trauma for millennia, made worse by 1827), and Crowley's PTSD exacerbated by the fire in S1, and Aziraphale's negative self-thoughts are being triggered even worse than usual. He's blaming himself for them not being safe, when that's not fully within his control... which, in Aziraphale's mind, is the whole problem and an example of how he is failing Crowley.

This is all long before Gabriel shows up at the door and the season gets started with a series of events that then worsen Aziraphale's state of mind. By the time Muriel shows up at the door, these negative kinds of thoughts out in full force in Aziraphale and Muriel represents them.

Muriel might be cute as a button and, as a character in their own right, being used left and right by Heaven, but it doesn't change the fact that Muriel is, symbolically, a mashup of the human and supernatural cops trying to kill them that Crowley and Aziraphale have been outrunning their whole lives.

The Angel of Death is a cop because of course they are, right? What other group of people has been existing to entrap, imprison, torture and kill people for eons?

From the book: If you want to imagine the future, imagine a boy and his dog and his friends. And a summer that never ends.

S1 was summer. It was the nightingales.

S2 is the lingering doom of preparations for Christmas lights. It's the days getting shorter and colder. The nightingales have flown to warmer climates. Because this is Good Omens so the season of Aziraphale's fall is set in the season of... well, the fall.

The good news is that, both literally and metaphorically?

Summer is always just around the corner.

[tinydefector]

Hi!! 😆

Can I have Soundwave x human reader (smut pls (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง)?

People didn't write him much, my husband need more love 😔🤌❤️✨

Thank for reading this!!

Stress relief

Soundwave x human reader

Warnings: Smut, Oral, Cockwarning

Word count: 1.5K

Request and ask open, read pinned post

Soundwave masterlist

__________________

"Soundwave can you re-check that scanner for me, I can't reach it to recalibrate its systems from here" the human's voice calls out to the intelligence officer, as they move around Soundwave desk in a scattered fashion trying to find maps and energon signals.

 Soundwave helm tilts slightly at the request as he turns to observe his human.he runs his own diagnostics, clearly indicating the scanner does not need recalibration. Soundwave almost uncanny mix of voices patch together speak:  " assistance not required. Scanner functioning adequately."  He remains standing quietly, typing away at the large computer with his servos while his tendrils rearrange scattered data pads. 

Their eyes meet his visor, looking up at him slightly frazzled. "Are you sure they are?" 

 With a sigh, he re reviews the scanner readings again, analysing more closely given the human's evident fatigue. His displays flash as data is processed.  "Confirmation: scanner calibration within normal parameters. However, you appear in need of recharge." The mixed voices of Knockout, Starscream and their own voice echoes back at them as He awaits a response, sensors attuned to subtle cues that could indicate the depth of exhaustion and other issues requiring assistance. 

"I'm fine soundwave" they call out while moving back to continue working, soundwave wraps his digits around them, pulling them back against his form, his visor tilted down to look at their eyes, he knows full well they are exhausted and Fatigue was catching up to their smaller frame. "I promise soundwave, I'm fine"

Soundwave detects elevated stress levels and the possibility of accident or harm at the current state of exhaustion. Soft ventilations cycle through his frame as his digits gently but firmly enfold the human in a protective hold.  "Statement: physiological indicators suggest otherwise."  His visor dims softly. Forcing the issue would risk negative impact, not only on his work but their work too.  

"I'm not gonna win this argument with you am I?" 

 Soundwave's visor remains dimmed calmly as the human speaks. He processes their words carefully before responding.  "Negative." They sigh softly and press their head against Soundwave's shoulder plating, each of his steps echoing throughout the halls.   "Are you going to stay with me tonight, or does megatron have you working even more?" Soundwave processes the question, sensing his partner's wish for company while recharging.

 A brief comm link check confirms he has no urgent tasks requiring his attention for night's cycle. "Megatron: aware of mission status. No tasks assigned to Soundwave at this time. I will remain for your recharge cycle"  he responds as the doors to his quarters slide open upon their arrival.   

A soft nod comes from his little lover as they lay against him. Their body is exhausted, but their brain isn't willing to shut off. After laying against soundwave for another ten minutes with no luck with falling asleep, they sigh, fidgeting around while trying to get comfortable.

 His vocalizer hums a deep, resonant tone, One digit begins tracing lazy circles on the back, slowly tracing their spinal column, "Systems are monitoring. Please attempt to rest,"  comes another of his recordings.

"Not tired," they whisper while looking up at Soundwave, leaning into his touch, enjoying having him focus on them instead of work. They had both been overrun with work as of recent.

helm tilting minutely as nonverbal concern radiates through his plating.  " Do you require distraction from responsibilities through additional stimuli?"  

They sit up resting on Soundwave's lower torso, hands spread out across the Decepticons chassis. "I am tired, horny and frustrated, soundwave, and with  everything happening, when we get even a small amount of time together, you get called away," they mumble. 

 Soundwave cycles a calm ventilated sigh, processing their words. His field pulses with understanding and care for their concerns. "Your doubts are logical. However, my function is to maximise efficiency of all personnel. A brief interface encounter now could provide valuable recharge. I will ensure we are not disturbed."  His field and plating radiate gentle invitation. 

 A soft gasp escapes their lips as soundwave pulls them further up his body. The Decepticon's digits caressing their body. Leaning in closer, they press their lips to his visor.  A low hum resonates from Soundwave's vocoder. One digit trails tenderly down a flank as another cradles them, holding their form against plating of his chest as a loud purring sound vibrates from him.  

A small squeal leaves their lips as Soundwave discards their clothing quickly with nimble digits. Dimming the lights, Soundwave carefully lowers his battle-mask with a soft hiss, His purple optics glow softly in the darkness, as a talon traces down his lovers form, tracing patterns into their skin.

Leaning close 'til his ex-vents whisper against skin, Pressing a gentle kiss to willing lips in silent promise, he commits this moment to memory. A soft content sigh falls from the human's lips as they kiss him back. It's slightly awkward but neither cares at that moment.

Soundwave runs soft kisses along their neck, chest, and hips as he brings them closer.

At the human's content sigh, gentle pulses from his plating as cooling ex-vents whisper against sensitised skin, his touches trailing softly yet deliberately to relax tense muscles and ease away lingering worries. 

As Soundwave’s glossa finds its way between their legs, soft moans fall from their lips. Small hands move to grip his helm. "Soundwave." At the human's soft calling of his name, Soundwave rumbles acknowledgment against flesh, his servos gripping hips to hold them steady as he runs his glossa across their needy sex. drinking in their essence, committing every hitch of their breath, and fluttered responses to permanent memory files saved only for him. 

As warmth spreads within the human's pliant frame, Soundwave's field surges in adoring pulses, lips, and glossa blessing willing flesh in turn as his devotion shows through electronic hums and tender strokes. Their head rolls back as their back arches, soft whines leaving them with each stroke of Soundwave’s Glossa as it presses into their sweet form. "Soundwave, please," they whine out, their hands attempting to pull the mech's face closer. 

At their breathless plea, Soundwave rumbles acknowledgment, Talons gently part willing thighs as his glossa delves with new focus, oral prehensors savouring each hitching gasp and soft cry his ministrations draw forth. As warmth peaks within the willing human, Soundwave dedicates all sensors to saturating their body. It doesn't take long for them to reach release, so much pent up energy, stress and frustration slips away as they go boneless in the Decepticon's hands. Soft pants leaving their parted lips as soundwave cleans up the mess with his mouth. Gentle affectionate rumbles leave him, field swelling with pulses of devotion and gratitude as he cleans every trace of pleasures with care. His glossa traces tender after-touches as their body goes lax in his hold. 

Optics remain darkened as he simply dedicates sensors to monitoring each slowing ventilation and relaxing muscle, wishing only to ensure their full tranquillity. Soundwave raises his helm to cradled hips,kissing it lightly and nuzzling farewell against flushed skin beneath laboured breaths, inhaling the musk of their sex and skin. 

A final hum resounds through his plating, and powerful yet delicate digits stroke through human hair with utmost care. his array's interface plaque shifts aside, hisses open and pressurises his spike.Optics flare softly to gaze upon at his lover's relaxed features. Secured in cradling servos and pulsing field, the human's lax yet willing frame I'd slowly pressed against his body, content simply to maintain sensory contact,

soft whines fall From his human's lips, as they take him in their body stretching with a loud moan. A few soft thrusts are all it takes for Soundwave to settle into them, cradling their body close, At his lovers soft sounds of pleasure, Soundwave rumbles gentle reciprocation, cradling their sated form securely against his form with one arm as his other arm retrieves a datapad

Ever once in a while his optics flicker down to monitoring his partner's relaxation even as his digits skillfully operate the pad's controls. Data streams across the display - ship schematics, translation algorithms, delicate encryption sequences - yet his true focus remains solely on the human resting atop his array. 

Here in isolated peace, all doubts dissolve. His frame supports theirs. Tired eyes slowly drift closer as soft breath even out, indicating they had fallen asleep, small hands are spread out across his chassis, their body moving slightly with each breath they take. This was true contentment. At the human's soft, steady ex-vents and relaxing muscles, Soundwave's field cycles in waves of tranquil pulsations, a digit gently strokes their hair, back and shoulders as his embrace holds them securely. 

“rest well little one” his voice mumbles softly for no one to hear but himself. 

[dizzycoffee]

Oh my gosh I love your writing!!! After reading the Vox x Angel Reader I was just "Wow so cute!"

And then I got this idea from it

What if Vox just can't do anything anymore or just say a simple "No" to (Female Angel)Reader without them using there puppy eyes on him ALL of the time even at times they don't do it intentionally

Like we just act a cute puppy once we are getting yelled at we just give our owners a sad puppy eye look and make them do what we want XDD

— Vox / Angel!Fem!Reader; Headcanons Part 2

KSGDHG thank you sm !!! this dynamic is honestly so much fun to write !

for the first post, click here !

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･ HEADCANONS ･*:.｡..｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

While Vox is still a bit hesitant to put a label in the relationship, the two of you definitely act like you're in a romantic one

A committed one at that, seeing as how you made it very clear you have no interest in anyone but him

He, on the other hand, makes it clear by the way he never refuses your requests

Usually, he's quite compliant when it comes to you asking for physical things

If you asked for anything, he'll gladly fulfill your needs

You're thirsty? Here's a water. You're cold? He's brought a blanket with him. You're tired? Please, lie down and he'll turn the lights down to make it easier to rest

There are two main instances in which hesitates with your requests...

Vox pulled the blanket over you, smiling to himself as he watched you yawn. "Go ahead and sleep, angel," he whispered. As he began to move away, your hand reached for his. Your touch left him buffering for a second, turning his head to look over at your pleading look. Despite the now darkened room, your eyes still shined amidst the darkness. "Can you stay with me?" you asked in a soft tone. Swallowing thickly, Vox felt himself hesitate for a moment. He obliged, slithering into bed next to you. Naturally, your wings wrapped themselves around him.

When in comes to more emotional / intimate requests, he finds himself a bit reluctant

Not because he doesn't want to— no no, he LOVES to cuddle you and all

It sort of comes back to his inferiority complex and how he doesn't want to end up corrupting you

He loves you, so much he's scared to hurt you in any way

He can't unsee how your hands feel so soft against his claws, the way your angelic wings warm his cold and stiff body

He feels he isn't meant to be loved by an angel like you...

You, on the other hand, don't particularly care whether he's an overlord, a demon, etc.

You don't necessarily hate his hesitance, because you understand that he's still struggling to come to terms that this whole relationship is okay

But you don't fully tolerate it, especially when all you want to do is kiss him

You developed this specific habit for him whenever he starts to hesitate or begin to think negatively

Vox cleared his throat, "You want... more kisses?" You held back a sigh, understanding that he was beginning to overthink things. You looked up at him, letting your eyes widen as your brows twitched into an expression that left him flustered. You pout your lips as you say, "Please, Voxy? For me?" It didn't take more than a second for his lips to be attached onto yours.

Emotional intimacy aside, he also hesitates to fulfill your requests whenever you visit while he works

The way he hardly gets any work done whenever you visit during work hours,,,

A soft hum left his lips as he kissed you, his claws gently caressing your cheek. He couldn't get over this overwhelming warm feeling you gave him. Your hands gently tugged at his shoulders as you peppered his lips with your kisses, his own hands running down to your hips to pull you further into his lap. "Vox?! We have a meeting!" The two of you jump, eyes flashing towards the locked door of Vox's office. "Fucking Val..." Vox mumbled before turning to you. "Sorry, angel. We'll have to cut the visit sho—" "But you promised we'd be together all day..." Like a switch, your previously flustered expression flipped to give him the puppy-eyes. He inhaled sharply, claws beginning to dig into your side. "I'm busy!" Vox yelled back out to Valentino. Ignoring the groans and complaints from behind the door, the two of you returned to your longing kisses.